#Passing Thoughts

[wanderlust-writings]

Into the Ether

Here I am, again screaming into another digital ether, hoping and praying that someone will see me.

It’s odd I suppose this continual sense of longing. I don’t know if it will ever be satiated. Perhaps this is the malady that is etched into my DNA; a predestined curse that I will never be able to be fully free from. It will always linger, dormant at times but always festering waiting, feeding.

People tell me to stop, to simply ignore it or force it into submission. But how can I change something that is so intrinsically a part of me? These are the questions that I want to scream in their face when they tell me to smile more or simply turn off the roaring thoughts in my brain. The only cure that I’ve thought about consists of carving open my skull and scooping out my brain like cantaloupe. Finally my mind would be an empty basin of silence that I could reside in, bathe in peacefully, maybe even potentially thrive in.

I think the worst part is having the things that comfort my soul be turned against me. I wonder if it has always been like that or is this new phenomenon of self-comparison and hatred an unseen side-effect of social media.

It’s all just so loud.

Voices are being poured into me constantly until I’m choking and gasping for air. I question how can my voice even be heard amounts all the traffic. Even if I were to scream, it would only sound as loud as a penny being dropped on the sidewalk—unnoticed. Their voices rip into my heart like sharpened talons tearing into my self-worth and confidence. That lingering presence stirs at the scratch of these talons. It knows it’s about to be fed, that the dinner bell has been rung. I try to beat it into submission to tell it the sound was merely a drop of water in a bucket nothing worth stirring for but it doesn’t believe me. Soon it has me tied up, laying belly-up on a placemat, wet saliva dripping onto my belly, rabid for the feast that is about to take place.

You’re not enough. How dare you call yourself an artist, let alone a writer? You’ll never amount to anything. You’re nothing.

I don’t want to listen. I don’t mean to inflame it any further but I can’t help but throw more wood on the burning flame. It’s hard to believe these soft, light, hopeful dreams when the evidence points to the contrary. How many followers? How many likes? Views? Reposts? Push harder and harder, scream louder and louder until your vocal cords are shredded and torn and you’re once again silenced.

Is it a fatal flaw of mine? This longing for glory? This need to self-mutate my dreams until they are nothing more than a scrap of garage buried underneath the unfulfilled dreams of the millions? Is it my pride that is secretly my poison? The double edged sword that I can’t use without slicing some part of me open as well, will I ever learn to wield it? Or will this dragon that dwells within me hoard that information until I’m withered and grey and unable to lift it anymore? Am I the problem? I must be. This mutation within my DNA is as much a part of me as it is a foreign adversary. Will we ever be able to exist in harmony or forever be caught in this war of dissonance?

I don’t have answers for these questions that haunt me at the wee hours of the morning?

So I’ll continue to shout, cry, purge, unburden, and fight into this dark ether until I stumble out into the light again.

#creative writing #writing #writers on tumblr #poetry #poets on tumblr #female writers #writers and poets #writerscommunity #blog #passing thoughts #mental health #mental illness

[banggyu0308]

kai who acts so innocent when he first meets beomgyu's girlfriend O.O would never admit to taking photos of you and jerking off to them... didn't expect you at the dorm so early, especially without beomgyu~

#ada speaks :) #adas hard hours #passing thoughts #hyukahyukahyuka #hueningkai hard thoughts #hueningkai hard hours #hueningkai smut

[002yb]

Dickjay Thoughts #1

Sometimes when Dick is fooling around in the gym, he’ll chalk up his hands and flip around on the bars for a bit.  And of course Jason fools around with him, but ends up having to leave first.  And as he’s walking around he runs into all these people that just start smiling at him and teasing him about Dick for some reason.  Their relationship (if they can even call whatever they have a relationship) would be a secret at that point, so Jason would just be ???

Little does Jason know that all these people only make these comments because Jason unknowingly has chalk handprints on his cheeks.  And when he turns around--yep.  Right on his ass, too.  Zero subtlety.  Dick gets a kick over it later, but Jason is mortified and leaving town for good.

#jaydick #dickjay #jason todd #dick grayson #passing thoughts #the visual is so cuuuuute #Jason would be so ///A\\\ #and Dick would be so //U/// #I've got all the thoughts on Dick not being able to keep his hands to himself #dickjay thoughts

[kimbap-r0ll]

(just a passing thought as I try to get back into twst after taking a break from it) I can't believe you can now skip lessons? Like where was that when I actually needed it ;—;

(also the Malleus dorm SSR card is beautiful)

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst anniversary #malleus!! #personal #passing thoughts

[phantomram-b00]

You know something I wonder that I completely forgot about and I’m not sure if anyone brought this up until now is that, there was more prophecies by Agnes Nutter given to Anathema Device during Season 1 Episode 6. Ones that she while never included in her book.

I wonder if Agnes prophecies the fact that her other prophecies will not see the light of day as they burn so that Anathema can live her own life and not be tied down because of her. If she did, I’ll laugh honestly as she did predicted her own death sooooo who to say she didn’t prophecies this one too.

But I think something else I also wondered is that, did it perhaps had predictions of whatever happened within Season 2? Like down to the season finale? But even so, what else did they prophecies? We’ll probably would’ve never know. But I do wonder if hypothetically if say it was shown to the characters what will happen; do you think things would’ve changed drastically (whether for the better or for the worse) or would nothing change?

Now this is no means to say Anathema should’ve burned the pages. Because frankly, I don’t blame her at all. Live your own story, I love that about her. I’m just had a passing thought of “what if the prophecies were never burnt? Would it change things?”

#go2 #good omens #good omens fandom #passing thoughts #I’m normal about this show I promise #good omens anathema #anathema device #agnes nutter #please renew season 3

[communitypoolswimlessons]

Listening to half alive again and immediately reverting back to my quarantine self is crazy. It's all the best parts about the lockdown sprinkled with the (alleged) depression that carried over

Anyway they're great and if anyone needs me, I'll be crying in the corner listening to "Aawake at Night" and questioning my religion again

#shitpost #half alive #Aawake at night slaps for real #Crisis time /j #passing thoughts

[dorkthyon]

Gotta love Mrs. Taylor's jab at western supremacy beliefs. Ebliz Tod and the other faranji recruited by Eril-Fane think that they're all off to save a "barbarian" civilization with their superior skills and intellect. Obviously, the reason why the citizen of Weep cannot solve their "problem" - whatever it is - by themselves must be that they're not advanced enough, right? But no worries, the delegation of western geniuses is on its way to save the barbarian (and pocket a round paycheck).

Then they reach Weep and learn that the "problem" is a gigantic floating angel looming above an entire city, made of a metal that can't break, melt, dissolve, blow up, burn or be moved by anyone or any means, eastern or western.

That must've hurt.

So they end up putting all the blame on Lazlo (undercover barbarian all along!), because of course, and

#strange the dreamer #passing thoughts #laini taylor

[queen-rhaenys-opress]

This sentence came out of me in conversation today: It wasn’t unnecessarily thick.

And then I kept thinking about Savage’s dick and how big, glorious and perfect that thing would be. 🫣 brb throwing myself out an airlock

#daddy savage #savage Opress #passing thoughts #everything is normal here officer

[sistercara]

i think id look sexy holding a wrench

#passing thoughts #gordon freeman #r/196

[sword-and-nightingale]

24 feels a lot like 23. It's a little brighter, but that's only making me notice how much empty space is there. It's harder to see in the dark, but now that I can see it, I'm not sure if it's haunting or daunting. I'm not sure if I want it to go back to the dark or to fill up the space.

#aster talks #passing thoughts

[rabbit-chicken-witch]

God, I don’t know who I would’ve been if I never watched Naruto.

Probably straight.

*shuders*

#naruto x sasuke #naruto #I made a book report about this guy in high school #sasuke uchiha #believe it #I read so many lemons about him and sasuke. #so many lemons #passing thoughts #mental health #friends #they raised me to be gay

[soleminisanction]

Re: The last ask and all the recent Jason talk...

I wish more people would acknowledge the emotional abuse angle of Jason's whole thing.

Like yeah, there's the larger moral conflict angle that reflects a regular debate constantly happening in and around superhero comics; and yes, he's a heavily traumatized person dealing with an impossibly stressful emotional situation who's been further manipulated by an outside force. But his extremely unhealthy way of dealing with all that trauma was to lash out at his father figure with, essentially:

"If you don't violate your one great taboo, the boundary that I know to be foundational to your entire self-identity, you're proving that you don't love me."

That makes him a compelling, tragic villain in UtRH, with the potential for a compelling arc where he grows out of that mindset and becomes a better, healthier person. And there's been pieces of that story scattered around canon, but it's really fucked up how many people seem to have instead jumped straight to, "Yeah, he's right! You don't love him enough, and that makes you a monster! If you really loved him, you'd change your entire morality and beg him for forgiveness! If you don't do that, you deserve anything that happens to you!!"

Kinda fucked up when you think about it.

#jason todd critical #dc meta #passing thoughts #batman #red hood

[banggyu0308]

fairy!yeonjun who can't help corrupting the sweet innocent girl who shows up on his island...

#txt hard thoughts #txt hard hours #ada speaks :) #adas hard hours #adas sneak peeks ✍️ #passing thoughts #like i said #yeonjun mood

[tnkemuy]

punch walls forever and never change.

#passing thoughts #short comic

[fckmini]

grief

tw/ cancer mention, death, suicide mention

something I didn't realise about grief is the guilt that comes with outliving those who were older than you... they're static, frozen at the age they passed like a pressed flower and I'm meant to continue to grow. im allowed to get older and they aren't. I know it sounds like a basic realisation, but it has all hit me at once.

as someone who has a history of suicide attempts and mental illness it feels cruel that someone so precious, beautiful, innocent - ready for life - should be taken away so soon. a bright light extinguished. whereas someone like me, flickering and dim, continues. it's not fair. I've always known it's not fair. death is impersonal, cancer doesn't care about the individual.

it's her funeral tomorrow. I can't go. the guilt tastes like ash in my mouth. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to honour her, I don't know how to say goodbye. when I last saw her, I held her hands tightly. they were smaller than mine, cold and fragile. I kissed her softly and cupped her face in my hands. I promised if she needed me, I'll be there. I swore that we would get our happily ever after.

Now, when I talk, or even type, about her I choke on the past tense. I try to recall her voice, her face, her laugh - a mantra, trying to commit everything I can to memory. I know it won't last, memories wither as time passes. it's not fair.

I am missing her funeral. I am breaking my promise to her and it breaks my heart. I couldn't help her, I couldn't wish it all away. they told me that she passed away peacefully, just fell asleep so much until she never woke up. I hate it. I hate that she could barely move, speak, think. she didn't dream. she just slowly sank into oblivion and we were all helpless. nothing could take her back and now she is gone forever. forever. I'll never hear her voice again, never hear her laugh, never see her smile. she will never make more art, never finish her degree, never watch her siblings grow up. she is just frozen in this awful sleep and we'll never get her back.

I didn't know it was the last time. the first time I saw her was also the last. our first touch was our last, our first kiss was our last.

#writing #grief #personal #fckmini #vent post #death #passing thoughts #missing you #loss #lost love #love #writblr #spilled words

[livinwa]

Mamamomomomimimimimimumememememememeemumumumumumomomomimomomimomamamamaaaaaaaaa

#bleh #passing thoughts