the web - fear of manipulation and lost control made manifest
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Dad always said I was like him
Meijack and Chilchuck Tims
Dungeon Meshi, Ryoko Kui
^ 1: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 2: Bug like an angel, Mitski / 3: Woodtangle, Mary Ruefle / 4: The Third Hour of the Night, Frank Bidart / 5 & 6: FROM THE MAKERS OF "TWO-MOM ENERGY DRINK," IT'S "LET YOUR FATHER DIE ENERGY DRINK,", Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 7: Batman: Year Three (1989) / 8 & 9 : FROM THE MAKERS OF […], Daniel Lavery & Cecilia Corrigan / 10: Wilt, CJ the X / 11: How Do We Forgive Our Fathers, Dick Lourie / 12: Milk and honey, Rupi Kaur / 13: / 14: Moony moonless sky, Fatima Aamer Bilal / 15: Someday I’ll Love Ocean Vuong, Ocean Vuong / 16: untitled, joan tierney
v 17: Drunk, The Living Tombstone / 18: unknown
When your father tried his best to provide for you but he worked all the time and even when he was home he was either tired or stressed and he’s always liked to get drunk to relax and cheer up. When you know he values work ethics and respectability so you grew up to be capable and quiet. And when he says you’re like him you’re sort of puzzled, does he really know you so little, or does he know himself so little? But you like the feeling of your father ruffling your hair so you accept it, and still you stand next to your mother just as silent and just as stoic as her during family gatherings. He leaves again and again and when your mother leaves him nothing changes, really. You wonder if it’s more telling that you know him better than he seems to himself or that you don’t know him as much as you wish you did, or that you don’t think about him all that much these days. Out of sight, out of mind. And he’s never really been there, even when he was there, after all.
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I wanna be roadkill
Find me a mile up ahead
Lying there on the roadside
Say, don’t worry now, it’s already dead
series 1: roadkill/longing
roadkill, searows // cyanotypes, emilio hernandez martin // hard times, ethel cain // child wearing a red scarf, eduoard vuillard // empty stomach, rachel sabini // thirstiness is not equal division, kaveh akbar // salvage, hedgie choi // ‘deer at night’, george shiras III // kinder than man, athea davis // best barbarian, roger reeves // ‘johannes land, suite no.2’, simon bang // my photograph // postcolonial love poem, natalie diaz // the dislocated room, richard siken // the moon rose over the bay. I had a lot of feelings, donika kelly // abstract (psychopomp), hozier // miniatures, cassandra de alba // from collected poems; between aging and old, jack gilbert // the favourite (2018), dir. yorgos lanthimos // unidad (oneness), pablo neruda // least of all, natalie wee
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I'd probably have to read the printed version and web version back to back at some point to note all the differences but... ough
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TPoH: Update!
Sorry for the LONG delay due to catching covid. I am still recovering from it, so I do not know if I will be updating weekly again yet but I will post the comic whenever I can. Thank you all so much for your support and kindness during this time!
Read TPoH from the start here.
Update here on the TPoH website!
Thank you all for the kind and loving support! If you want to buy books of this comic YOU CAN! Volumes one and two AND THREE are now in stock and you can get even more books in the form of TPatJ and Unbecoming! Find them and more here in the TPoH Topatoco shop right here, or tell your friends about it! There are also always lots of my doodles to buy on nice stuff in my Society6 merch box too!
If you like TPoH and my other work and want to help keep a soul and body together monetarily, please consider supporting me on Patreon, even just one or two dollars a month helps!
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absolutely disgusting. unfollowing him now. I thought he was a pirate but it turns out that he’s never been to Boston in the fall.
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United States Junior Gymnastic Team of ‘88-‘89
Catherine Todd née Johnson & Mary Grayson née Lloyd: I hope we meet again (I’m letting you go)
@kindlespark / The Book Thief, Markus Zusak / ? / dc comics / Diary, Chuck Palahniuk / Infinite Jest, David Foster Wallace / Always Gold, Radical Face / Us Against You, Fredrik Backman / @inanotherunivrse / I Wanted to Leave, SYML / ? / ? / Psychogeography, Chelsea Dingman / @leonardospoetry + me / On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong / Past Lives (2023) / A Letter to Love, Caitlyn Siehl / @archivegeo / In a Dream You Saw a Way to Survive, Clementine von Radics / Always Gold, Radical Face / Dorothea, Taylor Swift / Stand by Me (1986) / dc comics + On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous, Ocean Vuong / Life After Death, Laura Gilpin / Lost Without You, Freya Ridings
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“I’d like to play you another song about suicidal depression. It’s about – if you are a certain type of person – me – . . . uh, you hear about somebody who did something horrible and drastic and you feel bad, but there’s a part of you that goes, ‘what, that’s, now I know, now I recognize my kind, because he did that.’ So this is about a guy who did a terrible thing and he couldn’t live with the memory of it, and so he went and did a worse thing, and it’s called ‘Cry for Judas.’”
- John Darnielle, frontman of the Mountain Goats
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(little beast, richard siken + tingeltangelhersenpan, spinvis)
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these are my words, this is my mouth.
mary magdalene, jan boeckhorst + vessel, dry the river
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I was joking a while back that the actor they have playing KDJ for the orv movie was too handsome for him and a friend who's read orv was like "KDJ is actually secretly attractive!!" And I just felt my soul leave my body right then
SIGHS...
Okay. Buckle in. I'm gonna finally actually address and explain and theorize about this whole...thing.
I'm not gonna cite any exact chapters cause it's like 11:30 and I've got an 8 hour drive in the morning but I'll at least make an approximate reference to where certain things are mentioned. Also, this post is just my personal interpretation for a good bit of it, but it's an interpretation I feel very solid about, so do with that what you will. Moving on to the meat of things:
There is one (1) instance in the web novel that I know of which describes specific features of Kim Dokja (especially ones other people notice). This takes place when members of KimCom are trying to make Kim Dokja presentable to give his speech at the Industrial Complex (after it's been plopped down on Earth). This is when they start really paying attention and focusing on Kim Dokja's appearance since they're putting makeup on him; I still don't think they can interpret his whole face, but they can accurately pick out and retain more features than usual. If I remember correctly they reference him having long eyelashes, smooth skin, and soft hair. These features can be viewed as (stereotypically) attractive.
Certain parts of the fandom have taken this scene and run with it at a very surface level, without realizing (or without acknowledging at the very least) that this scene is not about how Kim Dokja looks. This is, in part, due to not realizing or acknowledging why Kim Dokja's face is "censored" in the first place, and what that censoring actually means. I think it's also possible that some people are assuming the censorship works like a physical phenomena rather than an altered perception.
I'll address that last point first. The censorship of Kim Dokja's features is not something as simple as a physical phenomena. It's not a bar or scribble or mosaic over his face. If that were true it'd be very obvious to anyone looking at him that his face is hidden. But his face is not hidden to people. They can look at him and see a face. If they concentrate on his eyes, they can see where he's looking. They know when he's frowning or grinning. They see a face loud and clear. But what face are they seeing? Because it's not really his, whatever they're seeing.
No one quite agrees on what he really looks like. And if they try and think about what he looks like, they can't recall. Or if they do, it's vague, or different each time. We notice these little details throughout the series. Basically, Kim Dokja's face is cognitively obscured. Something - likely the Fourth Wall, though I can't recall if this is ever stated outright - is interfering with everyone's ability to perceive him properly. This culminated in him feeling off to others; and since they don't even realize this is happening, they surmise that he is "ugly."
Moving on to the other point about what the censorship means: To be blunt, the censorship of his face is an allegory for his disconnect from the "story" (aka: real life, and the real people at his side). The lifting - however slight - of this censorship represents him becoming more and more a part of the "story" (aka: less disconnected from the life he is living and the people at his side). The censorship's existence and lifting can represent other things - like dissociation or depersonalization or, if you want to get really meta, the fact that he is all of our faces at once - but that's how I'd sum up the main premise of it. (The Fourth Wall is a larger part of the dissociation allegory, but that's for another post).
So you see, them noticing his individual features isn't about the features. It's not about the features! It doesn't matter at all which features got listed. Because they could describe any features whatsoever and it would not change the entire point of the scene. Because the point isn't what he looks like. The point is that they can truly and clearly see these features. For the first time. They are seeing parts of him for the first time. Re-read that sentence multiple times, literally and metaphorically. What does it mean to see someone as they are?
This is an extremely significant turning point dressed up as a dress-up scene.
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P.S. / Additionally, I'm of the opinion that Kim Dokja is not handsome, and he is not ugly. He is not pretty, and he is not ghastly. Not attractive, nor unattractive. Kim Dokja isn't any of these things. More importantly, Kim Dokja can't be any of these things. The entire point of Kim Dokja is that you cannot pick him out of a crowd; he is the crowd. He's a reader. He's the reader. Why does he need to be handsome? Why must he be pretty? Why is him being attractive necessary or relevant? He doesn't, he doesn't, it's not. He is someone deeply deeply loved and irreplaceable to those around him, and someone who cannot even begin to recognize or accept that unless it's through a love letter masquerading as a story he can read. He is the crowd, a reader, the reader. He's you, he's me. He's every single one of us.
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