#When your personality has forced you

[amerasdreams]

people dont like me anyway so I might as well do what I want and believe in what I believe in

#Not conforming #To anyone #Just to get them to like me #Not who I am #Got to be more ok w this irl.... #To not do so tears me apart #Thus I avoid people #Bc I will cower before them ;( #Unless really mad #How do you do one thing in a split second when you have conditioned yourself #When your personality has forced you #To do another? #I hate lying #I'm not going to lie about myself #I have been saying on social media anyway... #I just am not the kind of person people like #Like dad #That Yiddish word schmo or sth #That means useless person or #Ppl take one look at me and are like: ew #Even on here #Pariah #Oh well I always have been what else is new

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

#this quote always moves me almost to tears when i remember it #i'm not a trans woman and i don't share the author's specific experiences with transition #but it really moves me that she frame transition as joyfully giving yourself permission to approach your body #not as something that has to be disciplined and deprived and made small in all these various ways #but as a means for experiencing pleasure and joy and delight and for insisting that our feelings and desires are worth #valuing and exploring and treasuring #i always used to think of prioritizing those things for myself as selfish and irresponsible #but who does it harm to want to experience pleasure in your own body? #it's such a beautifully simple and powerful switch to have flip in your head #and equally why are we forced to deny our own pleasure in transition and anything else related to our bodies in the name of moral rectitude #this is why i get so confused and pissed off when other trans people are fatphobic for example #like why are you so invested in politics of shame and disgust that never had any purpose other than #violently disciplining people as if they've violated moral codes by existing in a body #to say nothing of white people being racist in gay and trans communities #like again this system of violence is foundational to homophobia and transphobia #so why are you acting like it has nothing to do with you #even if you are unmoved by the urgency of other people's suffering which btw you should be moved by #what do you hope to gain by acting a collaborator and handmaiden to those systems #Casey Plett #she really is one of my favorite authors i wish more non-canadians read her #this quote is from a series of columns she did ont transition and every single one is a banger #i love when she talks about the people-pleasing elements of dysphoria and transition denial #she's so sharp about noting how many of us deny our own dysphoria on the grounds that others like and validate our bodies #that's how i always felt during my cis conventionally feminine era #it pleased other people so much and also that reception felt so hollow and joyless to me because i hated it #i get less of that positive feedback but that feels so unimportant next to the joy and pleasure i get to experience #said with the understanding that i'm very privileged in being able to prioritize those things without fear. but it was a switch flip #personal nonsense

[total-drama-brainrot]

TD World Tour AU, where Noah doesn't tell Owen that Alejandro is an eel in London... In Area 51, Noah is accidentally splashed with an alien truth potion (which wears off after a few days) and he talks to Owen... Owen asks Noah what he truly thinks about Alejandro, and Truth-Potion Affected Noah says this: "I have mixed feelings for Alejandro. He's a brilliant, interesting guy and I like him, but I don't trust him. He's like a slippery eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. Basically, Heather with social skills. Wait a minute, why am I telling you this?!"... What if Alejandro secretly heard Noah call him all those conflicting things + Alejandro also learns that Noah is affected with an alien truth potion? 👽

Alright, you got me. I'm an absolute sucker for truth potion plots, especially when the character(s) effected by them are usually either pathological liars or incredibly secretive- of which Noah absolutely falls into the second category, given he shares so little personal information.

I'll gloss over why Noah declined to shit-talk Alejandro in London (though there's so many ways this change in behaviour could be justified) since the focal point of this hypothetical centred around their time in Nevada, so let's start from the beginning of the Area 51 challenge.

Area 51:

Before we start, it'll have to be established that no one was eliminated in London. Let's say that the majority vote went towards Duncan (team CIRRRRH voted him out immediately because they found his re-admission to the competition unfair, I guess. I imagine he'd also vote himself, if not as a plan to escape the competition he'd been actively skiving from, then just as an act of spite) but Chris instead claimed it was a rewards challenge- much like he does in Greece- because he doesn't want to let Duncan slip away again so soon.

I see no reason to alter the first part of the challenge- the sneaking into Area 51 portion- since team CIRRRRH's course of entry is fairly straightforward. Noah's presence doesn't make much of a difference to how it would play out; the majority of them throw their rocks and run, Owen gets lasered over the fence and Owen-napped, ect ect.

When both teams have managed to make their way into the Black Box Warehouse, Noah immediately suggests they should prioritise rescuing Owen. Tyler's quick to agree, since he's a firm believer in the "no man left behind" mentality (and he probably makes a not-so-subtle jab towards Noah for his chance of tune compared to London, where both he and Owen did leave Tyler behind) leaving Duncan and Alejandro to split from the group- Duncan in search of Gwen, and Alejandro just takes the opportunity to finally be free from his 'incompetent teammates' and prioritises finding an artifact.

Noah and Tyler come across the contraption Owen's trapped in, Tyler punches it in a futile effort to break it open, and the face hugger cube drops into Noah's hands. This is where the point of divergence comes into play; Tyler has his E.T. moment with one of the face huggers, but Noah- who's a tad bit more observant than Alejandro, and used to dodging surprise attacks from his various older siblings (and Izzy)- anticipates his own face hugger attack and promptly starts a game of cat-and-mouse with a taser alien hot on his heels.

The commotion of which attracts the rest of his team. Alejandro and Duncan arrive on the scene to see Tyler being electrocuted by an alien and Noah running in circles evading another.

Duncan attempts to rip the face hugger from Tyler's face, finding success at the cost of sending Tyler trampling into Owen's captive contraption (essentially taking Alejandro's canonical place in this scene) and inadvertently freeing Owen.

Meanwhile, Alejandro swipes up the nearest box he can find and snags the alien chasing Noah, who's still very loudly panicking as he flees, and succeeds! The alien is swiftly captured into the box, netting team CIRRRRH their artifact, and Noah promptly goes careening into the nearest tower of junk in his face hugger-fuelled hysteria. This causes another box to topple from the peak of the tower, landing directly on Noah's head and spilling its contents onto the bookworm- glass vials filled with a mysterious, luminescent cobalt blue liquid shatter into pieces drenching Noah in whatever they contained. (i.e. truth potion.)

Owen has his false-amnesia moment, characterised by his Joker makeover, and Alejandro enacts his revenge post-hypnotic suggestion after being addressed as "Al" one too many times.

Noah, understandably, swiftly objects to Owen's treatment and demands that Alejandro snap him out of it. Alejandro concedes, and Owen's brought back to himself. At least, for a moment, before the fatigue of having his mind messed with sends Owen into near-catatonia (the same as canon), meaning he has to be ferried through the Warehouse and back to the Jet by Alejandro and Duncan.

Things carry on canonically from there; Noah's just sort of there for the most part, though there'd be a minor hint to his newfound proclivity for honesty. Something along the lines of him giving an uncharacteristically honest answer to Owen as to who he's voting- Tyler, of course, since he was the one who ultimately threw the challenge for them... and also because Tyler still holds some resentment towards Noah for what happened in London, and Noah feels guilty about it every time he looks at the jock. Wait, why did he say that?

Sometime between this and the elimination scene, Noah wipes the truth-goop off of himself, but not before the effects have already started.

Tyler's voted out, yada yada yada.

The Jet:

Thus begins the start of "Picnic at Hanging Dork". Team CIRRRRH, consisting of just Alejandro, Duncan, Owen and Noah, are slumming it up in the Economy Cabin. Alejandro tries to rally his team by asking how to break apart Courtney and Heather's tentative co-operation. Owen suggests having Alejandro seduce Heather, since it worked for both Bridgette and Leshawna. Duncan makes his "Babe Olympics" comment. Noah pipes up that playing with someone's feelings is pretty scummy, even for someone competing for a million dollars.

Alejandro takes Noah's reluctance towards his methodology poorly; he hadn't spoken up before, when Alejandro had utilized the same strategy against other girls- and even Owen noticed that, so surely Noah did too- so why was he to outwardly against him using the same tricks? Duncan agrees, and offers ''his'' idea of having Alejandro flirt with Courtney to throw both her and Heather off their games (since Heather has an obvious crush on Alejandro), and things follow canon.

Then, the scene between Alejandro and Courtney happens. Noah scoffs at the display from the side lines, prompting Owen to ask him why he's so against Alejandro's plan.

"I mean, you never said anything before, when he flirted with Bridgette and Leshawna." Owen comments, light-hearted in nature but with an underlying questioning tone.

Noah's eyes flicker with a cobalt glow, easily mistaken for a trick of the light, and he speaks without even thinking.

"Yeah, because I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. Bridgette was happenstance, and Leshawna's whole deal could've been a coincidence, or some massive misunderstanding. But this?" Noah extends an accusing hand out towards a smug looking Alejandro, then pans it over to a flattered Courtney, "He's outright toying with Courtney's feelings after she was cheated on in front of an international audience. It's scummy."

Owen nods in understanding, momentary contemplation evident in the pouted curve of his lips, and he chimes in.

"Does that mean you don't like Al?"

"I never said that."

"Well, how do you feel about him, then?"

Again, a flash of blue light against the hickory backdrop of Noah's eyes, and he responds thoughtlessly.

"I guess I have mixed feelings about him. On the one hand, he's slippery, like an eel dipped in grease, swimming in motor oil. He's like if you took all of the worst aspects of Heather, wrapped them up in a pretty package, and gave them social skills..." He holds his hands out before him in a scale-like manner, with the left tipped downwards and tie right raised by his chin. Then, the two hands swap positions.

"And on the other hand, he's brilliant. I've never met anyone as talented as Alejandro; he's smart, he's athletic, he's funny. It's almost unfair just how perfect everything about him is- even his face is perfect. It's ridiculous! Infuriating, even. It's so hard to dislike him, even when I know he's bad news, but that doesn't mean I trust him."

Owen stands slack jawed beside his best friend, both impressed and stunned at the raw honesty of Noah's tirade. Noah, now a little more aware of himself, realises that he's said more than he intended to- more than he thinks he's ever spoken in one go throughout the entirety of Total Drama. He's not usually one for speeches, after all, let alone honest ones.

He's always been the type to play his cards close to his chest, so why...?

"I, uh, didn't mean to go off like that."

And he also didn't mean to admit it, either. What was going on?

The look Owen gives him is, in a word, vivid. The blonde has a shit-eating grin stretching across his face, a sort of elated smugness practically glowing from his features.

"Sounds like someone has a cruuuush!~"

What? No? No! Not at all, where would Owen even get that idea?!

Noah splutters to correct Owen's assumption (to disastrous results, because he does sort-of has a crush on Alejandro, so the truth potion doesn't allow him to outright deny it), and in his preoccupied state he misses how a calculating pair of sage green eyes never seems to stray from him.

Alejandro has a lot to think about in regards to a certain cynic, it seems.

#I'd like to apologise for taking this idea and running with it. #Cutting myself off here before I breach 2k+ words or else I'll be here all day. #Sort of entered actual Writing Mode at the end there instead of Outline Mode but this idea is. So Full Of Potential I couldn't help myself. #But from here it'd basically be Alejandro using his newfound knowledge of Noah's crush on him to his advantage. #Whilst Noah's doing his best (and failing) to deny that he has any feelings for Alejandro. #Eventually leading to the two of them having a Bonding Moment where Alejandro gets Noah to divulge some personal information. #And in turn- or an effort to garner some trust (to be abused later)- Alejandro also lets himself be vulnerable towards Noah. #Something something Alejandro tries to use Noah as a pawn but ends up catching feelings of his own. #Then of course the potion wears off and Noah goes back to being just as prickly and standoffish as he was before. #A point of conflict maybe? Imagine bearing your soul out to someone only for them to close themself off to you not even days afterwards. #...Also imagine being practically forced to divulge information about yourself to someone you don't trust because of a truth potion. #Oh yeah. That's some good angst material right there. #Especially is you have Alejandro be- if not fully aware- than at least suspect that Noah's not being agreeable on his own terms. #Anon why have you given me The Thoughts?? I can't keep brainstorming AUs when I already have fics to work on!! #ophe's ranting in the tags again #total drama #td noah #td alejandro #team chris is really really really really hot #alenoah #-ish #silly ideas #other's ideas #long post #replies #kinda drafty in here (posts from the drafts)

[orchideae]

A little unpopular opinion on something I've seen happen more commonly throughout November/December and wanted to address quickly for my own blog: Please never hesitate to reblog anything from me. You see me reblogging a sentence starter list that you like? Go for it and reblog it from me directly without any pressure on you whatsoever to send anything into me before doing so. You like a GIF-set or musing that I reblogged? Nab it from me, it'll brighten my day to see that we share an interest in something. I like to see interaction between me and anyone who follows me. I like to see that little activity notification light up.

Honestly, it simply reminds me that we're all part of a community, and more specifically, a fandom that consists of characters and nations that we all came to love and then share that amongst ourselves. And honestly, seeing a reblog happen shortly after me but it's from the source, creates (in my opinion) an odd sense of chosen disconnect between people that can feel awkward, it's as if we're walking on eggshells as to not rub each other the wrong way. But what's wrong about going 'Hey, I see what you reblogged, I like it too!', it even gives you potential common ground to start a conversation. We're a community, and I don't know about you, but I like seeing people interact with each other beyond merely threads and notes. It's the little things that matter, after all.

#[ psa. ] seeing isn't always believing. and if you can't trust your eyes; you certainly can't trust rumors. #[ i feel like this whole 'reblog karma' rule has scared people so much into stopping with behavior that... ] #[ i think was healthy. interaction; no matter how small; makes it so much easier and comfortable for people to... ] #[ interact because you almost become 'familiar faces' through these tiny little asks. ] #[ the amount of times i've entered dms kindly/respectfully after someone's reblogged something from me-- ] #[ and the person and i proceeded to just gush about the reblogged fanart in question. or something similar. ] #[ which then makes any further ooc interaction so much easier and nicer-- the initial anxiety people may face is lessened. ] #[ because you've already found common ground. ] #[ like i don't mean to force anyone to reblog from me-- but it's like it's so obvious so often when people... ] #[ see something from you but then reblog it from the source. i dunno if it's just me but it feels odd. ] #[ it feels as if someone thinks reblogging from me would step on my toes or rub me the wrong way and i don't see?? ] #[ why that's a thing? it's so silly. reblog from me; feel welcome to do so. we all love this fandom. we all love our characters. ] #[ and each others' characters. it's why we interact; right? ] #[ any way. hi-- yes. i just mean never feel odd to reblog from me. if anything i encourage it. ] #[ i'll smile and nod at you in my activity; and you'll also pique my interest to be like 'hey! good taste 💙 ] #[ any way; i hope people are having a good weekend! ]

[rearranging-deck-chairs]

13, trying to prevent yaz from spiralling when they get separated: i need you to do a deepdive into eschatology

#fghgjhjhggh #'yea i know this sucks babe but we'll figure it out the fate of the world is on your shoulders i believe in you kisses <3' #like thats where you'll end up right #'find out when the aliens come try and take over' #eschatology and death cults and conspiracy theories probably #forced to sift through like centuries of that stuff for years on end trying to find the Real in all of it #and you cant.......stop. bc the world will end #i dont think you come out of that.................normal #even with the best starting condition you dont come out of that normal but yaz is like #functional only by virtue of her circumstances i think #she looks fine bc shes standing next to 13 #i dont think shes normal under the surface #i dont think 4 years of apocalypticism left her untouched #dan either i mean i dont think anyone comes out of that untouched but these two are like barely keeping it together beforehand #can you imagine how WEIRD theyve become #can you imagine how obliviously and kind of unsettlingly weird they'd be in support groups #the others would get it like sure none of us are really normal anymore but like #i think they'd be weird #4 years of having to depend on each other and not knowing if you'll get back home and having to take The End Times seriously nonstop as a #matter of urgency and duty #and then losing the third member of your party? #dan and yaz will be so weird and fucked up #iknow im repeating myself but im just trying to put myself in the frame of mind of #having to take intepretations of the end times seriously for 4 years #when youre already like a lowkey suicidal person to begin with #i think if yaz hangs out with 14 she'll say such weird and fucked up things entirely obliviously and he'd be like O.O #she probably still has 1900 habits that show up unexpectedly #or like just miscalibrated. has to take a trip to another country and takes a train bc she forgets planes exist #has to look up somethign and just goes SIGH. gets her coat to go to the library. and ryans like ??? ive googled it #and shes like oh fuck google

[cowgremlin11]

Stupid awful question incoming!

How would you feel about a theoretical Rocky X Viktor ship

No it doesn't make any sense. But what if?

hope that answers it

#ok but ill go more into how i feel in my tags #i personally see rocky as the weird son viktor has no choice but to parent #hes not a good parent #but hes willing to give rocky advice #like when rocky came over to ask abt where viktor used to get booze #and viktor answered him after a few 'youre so fucking stupid heres a knuckle sandwich' #its not a one to one father son dynamic #its more the weird gay uncle was forced to take in the weird manic nephew #esp since rocky needs a father figure and viktor was the closest thing he had after mitzi found him #cus atlas clearly didnt give a flying fuck about rocky you can see that in the trailer for s1 #but viktors over here driving around with rocky doing runs with him and giving him advice now that viktors out of commission #I DO NOT WANT TO SHIP THEM #EWEEWEEWWEWEWWWWW #ROCKY IS A DIPSHIT BABY HES SUPER IMMATURE AND VIKTOR PROBS JSUT SEES A TEENAGER #grem rambles #lackadaisy #lackadaisy cats #viktor vasko #rocky rickaby #anon

[gynecologistmsfrizzle]

Hmm I believe I remember learning a few years ago that when one is asked to acknowledge that they’re impacted subconsciously by systemic racism/sexism/homophobia etc, or is told that they’re behaving in a way that’s bigoted/harmful, “no I’m not” is the wrong answer. So I think some of you should get less excited about saying that when Jewish people tell you you’re being antisemitic.

#guess what. Your views on Israel and Palestine ARE in fact going to be influenced by the fact that one of those nations is Jewish. #Just as it’ll be influenced by the fact that one of those nations is majority Muslim. #Just as your feelings about police shootings will be influenced by the majority of victims being Black or Indigenous. #Just as your feelings about EVERYTHING will be impacted by the social forces that have shaped you and colour your perception. #Antisemitism actually DOES colour the words of people insisting that targeting Israeli civilians was a legitimate act of resistance. #Just as racism and Islamophobia colour the words of Israeli politicians and soldiers who insist that wiping out Gaza is a fair price to pay #for wiping out Hamas. #it has been absolutely staggering to see person after person on this site #casually assert that rules of war do not apply when the civilians they protect are Israeli #and refuse to consider even the SLIGHTEST possibility that the ease with which that assertion came to them #might have SOMETHING to do with an internalized belief that — say — #there is no such thing as a Jewish civilian? that all Jews are inherently loyal to other Jews above any loyalty to justice? #that all Jewish people wield a sort of inherent power that makes them less vulnerable and therefore acceptable targets? #Of course you’re antisemitic. Yes. You. I am too. We all are. We live in an antisemitic society. #And if you‘ll acknowledge that societal racism and sexism and homophobia inform your subconscious beliefs #and you’ll critically reflect on THOSE #but you won’t afford antisemitism the same dignity #I think that probably says something about something. #Just to be clear this actually isn’t a post that says anything about my stance on Israel and Palestine #because my stance on that is actually extremely simple— FTR it’s ’apartheid and war crimes and forced displacement are bad things’ #but this is about the internet’s RESPONSE #and the downright celebratory glee that I saw people have on oct 7th #and the fucking twisted excitement they’ve shown treating further Israeli war crimes like ammunition to justify it #and the simple truth that — while I’ll believe you MIGHT still have condoned it — #I do not believe any of you would have CELEBRATED the massacre of thousands of civilians in a period of minutes #if. those. civilians. had. not. been. Jews. #Rhi talks #palestine #antisemitism #Yeah and I’ll post this one too. Anon is still on. String me up.

[gilbirda]

watching house md in one go really makes you see when the writing went nosediving huh

#season 5 first episode ?????????? #whats going on? #i really hate when they try to prove a stupid point that serves no purpose #just to brush it away for the over arching plot of house being gay with wilson #hur dur house is mean #thats it??????????????????????? #like im sorry they are trying to force the narrative to make house the villain but tbh he's right??? #'he's so insensitive' ok stop projecting your fears and limitations on others and maybe he'll stop shutting you down #also the hospital drama is getting out of hand for no reason #i dont know man there's this 'house is so mean and destroys everything he touches' forced view #when is people not know how to self regulate #it's not house's problem that some people can't separate their self with their work #sure it's house's MO to take everything personal but he always has this moment when he's like 'game's over. this is real life now' #other dont have this ability and after berating house for 4 seasons for taking things personally then make the biggest fucks up and then cr #anyway i have opinions about house #he's blorbo #he's my little mew mew

[golvio]

Okay, so, apparently Elon put up his new "X" sign to mark his territory on the Twitter HQ building, and apparently the sign's not only a cheap, slapped-together rushjob piece of shit that uses the exact same too-bright LED lights that people complain about in modern car headlights, but it has a regularly occurring strobe effect. As in it intentionally blinks like strobe light every 5-15 minutes or so.

Not only is this peak edgelord twelve-year-old boy aesthetic, this shit could seriously injure kill people. People have been reporting that merely the video people have recorded of this dumbass sign has triggered seizures in them. (Seriously, don't look up the video unless you're 100% positive you're not photosensitive in any way, and don't post it as anything but a link with a warning anywhere that has autoplay out of courtesy for disabled viewers.) There is an apartment building directly across the street that's filled with studio apartments that, if the building plans people shared are correct, have absolutely no way to escape this blinding rave light unless the occupant hides in their bathroom.

At this point, I don't know what it's going to take for that whiny douchebag princeling to face consequences he actually feels, at least enough to be discouraged from pulling stupid bullshit like this. At what point is Daddy's Emerald Mine Money not going to be enough to keep bailing him out of consequences for violating building codes, labor laws, civil rights laws, the friggin' ADA, and not paying his damn rent like the rest of us?

#the good news is that the san francisco city government and the state of california are looking into it #after a whole bunch of people filed complaints #but the fact that this happened at all makes me so fucking angry #every time a billionaire has a midlife crisis or a personal problem #EVERYONE ELSE is forced to deal with it #because when you're that wealthy you have a disproportionate ability to affect the lives of others #while you're insulated from consequences by being to pay off fines #and can safely retreat back into your money and carelessness #real people should not be stepping stones for some rich asshole's learning experiences #particularly experiences that most people who weren't treated like little royalty growing up have already figured out #grow the fuck up elon

[aphverse-confessions]

i find people who include fantasy racism, sexism and homophobia in their rewrites for ‘added drama’ and ‘issues’ are extremely unoriginal and lacking creativity. if your go to conflict is always fascism just because you have no creativity to try and come up with anything else besides what you know and is obviously ingrained in your brain, you should sit down and think why your go to awnser is always fascism.

.

#ooookay #so uh #I can understand this sentiment when directed at ppl who have no expierence being discriminated against in a particular way #and still write a story abt that discrimination #like a white person adding fantasy racism to their story #however #people often use fiction as a means of exploring or explaining our world in a way that can be more digestible to the viewer #and gay person creating a fantasy story thay focusses on a world with homophobia and how that impacts those living in it #is not adding it for 'drama' #they are commentating on the state of our world which has homophobia #maybe someone's first way to explore conflict in a story is via bigotry because they have expierenced bigotry so often in their life #they view it as one of the major driving forces in their circumstances or perspective #to belittle writing that depicts real world issues as 'adding drama' shows to me that there is a lack of reading comprehension on your part #if your first instinct when faced with a story that includes an oppressed class being oppressed is 'stop add drama' #I think you need to reevaluate some things #one the number one pieces of writing advice you hear is 'write what you know' #who are u to say someone should be more 'creative' than that #aphmau confessions #aphmau #aphblr #aphverse #fandom angies #angies #instead of being mad maybe consider WHY an author may choose to add those things to a story #maybe u want fiction for escapism and that's why it bothers you #but not everyone goes to fiction for that purpose #sometimes they want to vent issues via a story or explain to someone why smth is a problem while excluding as much bias as possible #hence the fantasy setting and depiction of oppression #🤭

[dykedvonte]

If Ulysses has a million haters, then I'm one of them. If Ulysses has one hater, then I'm THAT ONE. If Ulysses has no haters, that means I'm dead. If the world is with Ulysses than I’m against the world.

#this is slightly joking but like also not but also like am mixed on Ulysses on many factors #infuriating because i sympathize with his pain but it’s like #he is a well written and fundamentally flawed character whose hypocrisy I found doubly in #black characters I can tell were designed by white people with a semblance of an understanding of activism and bipoc oppression #but not enough for the character to not feel like hand holding for the majority white audience #plus personal grips with the whole twisted hairs thing and reference to slave braiding patterns #Ulysses irks me as a black person on a weird personal level and I can go into debt on why him being black is a big detractor for him to me #like he continues this cycle of distancing himself from his roots before remembering over and over again through his actions #he leave so much in his wake that the courier ends up correcting or helping like in honest hearts and old world blues because he’s self #righteous in a subtle way even to himself that he believes he stand out of his one man rule when he does not play an active hand #saw a post talk about how you choose to continue moving through his story and can leave at any moment and this it is partially your fault #but what of the oath that is set before you and is forced to take that he set up #I do not have to walk it but when I do the steps are not my own but those taken for me #you have to go out of your way to change it which is not something he expects because he’s playing by a story he’s been perpetuating in his #head about you two and the effect one man has when he’s continually been that one man more so than you as many of his actions directly lead #to the one you go through also the irony in the flag he continues to bear being the real reason he has no home #like he reps it when the package is likely enclave and thus use the same symbol #also still can’t get over how anyone could have delivered the package and he tries so hard to act like it was the couriers destiny or fate #when this was the one case of chance and that once man was likely a enclave engineer and how it’s really is never one man #it the process and he’s so annoying about it like he’s a cool character but if you don’t believe in his philosophy or already went through #these ideas cause they are very common talking points in poc especially BIPOC spaces he’s just old hashings and stunted #fallout #fallout new vegas #Ulysses you upset me but I’m like I feel you could be better if you weren’t so incessant #I don’t think I ever want to make a serious post stating this about him just because I’d start yapping and it’d never get finished #ulysses fnv #fnv ulysses #lonesome road

[cluescorner]

Randomized Robins AU - Ages + Worst Trait Exercise:

Steph (25):

Says her worst trait is her murderous rages (she is exaggerating for dramatic/comedic effect, she’s killed 3 people tops and for very good reason)

Thinks her worst trait is her spitefulness (one of the few traits she definitely got from her father + one that prevents her from fixing her relationships and living her best possible life. She’ll refuse to interact with someone she dearly loves after an argument (happens significantly less after Tim’s death) or will say things she knows are hurtful just for the sake of having the last word. This trait will worsen in some ways as the list of people who have wronged her and those she loves grows, but will also ease up as she matures and realizes the harm it’s doing to her relationships with those she loves most.)

Her worst trait really is her spitefulness

Cass (26)

Says her worst trait is her self-righteousness (she believes that her goals are righteous and, as a result, she is righteous. Cass becomes very defensive whenever someone questions the mission and often does not second-guess herself. This is a trait she only develops later in life as she grows closer to Bruce/learns to understand herself more/starts to love herself more. But she knows she isn’t perfect and when somebody she trusts criticizes something she is doing she is willing to listen. She just usually isn’t the one to START the introspection.) 

Thinks her worst trait is her self-righteousness. 

Her worst trait actually is her obsessiveness (she gets it from Bruce and, while not as bad as him, she will easily become preoccupied with her night-life and the mission if someone isn’t there to pull her back. She will do this to the point of self-destruction and it hurts her relationships with the people she loves, especially Steph.)

Tim (24)

Says his worst trait is his spitefulness (he actively rejects the idea of mending his relationships with the older members of the family and this causes him to also lack good relationships with the younger ones)

Thinks his worst trait is his obsessiveness (similar to Cass, if he gets fixated on a task or idea he will neglect everything else in his life in order to dedicate more time to it. Unlike Cass, he will almost never be dragged away from it unless Pierrot snatches control of the body and forces them to take care of themself.)

His worst trait actually is how manipulative he is (the KING of guilt-tripping and using people’s emotions against them. He’ll do whatever he needs to do to get what he wants, he’s not above crocodile tears. And he will do it to whoever he needs (or wants) to with little care for how his actions impact others.)

Pierrot (Insists: “Age doesn’t apply to me! And even if it did, I'd probably be the oldest. Or the youngest! I’d never be a middle child, though.” Mental assessments by the Bats have put him around 21, with a margin of error of 3 years. Pierrot has called this “blatant character assassination by my eternal rival!”)

Says his worst trait is that he is an irredeemable psychopath without any regard for the wellbeing of others (this is a lie and everyone who's important to him understands this). 

Thinks his worst trait is his parasitic nature (he literally would not exist had Tim not suffered the way he did. Plus he is a living reminder of one of the worst things that happened to many of his loved ones. He is a parasite injected into a functional person's body and contributes to his continued suffering. This is also a largely incorrect judgement of himself, caused by his actual worst trait.)

His worst trait actually is his limited sense of self (he doesn’t really know who he is outside of ‘inheritor to the legacy of the Joker (a man he despises yet also views as a father)’ and ‘chip in Tim’s brain that became sentient’. He slowly develops an identity over the course of his life and relationships with other people, but he lacks the foundations of identity that most people have. Pierrot will often almost become a caricature of himself and what others perceive him to be because it's the only person he knows how to be. This causes wild swings in how he behaves and relates to others, sometimes to the detriment of himself and others.)

Dick (17) 

Says his worst trait is his clinginess (he is a very extraverted person who likes to be around others, which mixed with his fear of abandonment after his parents died means that if he goes a few days without seeing/talking to a friend he will get very anxious.)

Thinks his worst trait is his anger issues (he gets ticked off very easily and will explode on people. He’s kind at his core and is usually very nice, but he has a temper that can escalate significantly. Spoiler (and later Twist) help him channel this anger into something positive.)

His worst trait actually is his anger issues.

Barbara (18)

Says her worst trait is her disability (internalized ableism, she thinks of herself as less valuable than the other Bats because she cannot be out there in the capes like they can. She will grow out of this as she matures and as she learns how invaluable her support for the team is.)  

Thinks her worst trait is her disability 

Her worst trait actually is her overly-independent nature (In an attempt to overcompensate for everything she can no longer do, she has resolved to do literally everything that she possibly can without any help from others. This results in many instances where she either takes on too much and winds up not being able to fully realize any of her tasks or where she makes her life and the lives of others significantly harder by refusing help when offered/not asking for it when she needs it.)

Damian (16)

Says his worst trait is his perfectionism (he is overly critical of both himself and others, taking any flaw or problem and amplifying it to an absurd degree. This is due in part to his life with the LoA (where even a brief misstep could lead to death), in part to how others treated him initially as Spoiler (any flaw was fixated on and used as a reason to either mistrust him or portray him as unworthy of the mantle), and in part due to the fact that he is Bruce’s son (the only person with worse perfectionism problems than Damian). Gradually, Damian has improved in this regard but it’s still a massive barrier to both his own happiness and his relationships with others.)

Thinks his worst trait is his perfectionism 

His worst trait actually is his perfectionism

Duke (16)

Says his worst trait is his definitely-real secret evil side (says this as a ‘my dad is a villain so who knows??’ joke)

Thinks his worst trait is his impulsivity in his words (Sometimes he will crack a joke or say a remark without thinking it through, leading to a LOT of hurt feelings and drama. He’ll say something without thinking it through and wind up seeming insensitive. This isn’t done because of malice, rather because Duke is someone who’s quick to act and speak. But while the mantle of Insight and his awakening powers have helped him with his actions, they do not always help with his loose tongue. As such, Duke gains an unfair reputation in the media as an instigator and will accidentally cause family drama through what he says.)

His worst trait actually is his impulsivity in his words

Jason (14)

Says his worst trait is his bad manners (he grew up on the streets and has no idea how rich-people society works, which he’s pretty insecure about considering he’s now the youngest kid of Bruce freaking Wayne). 

Thinks his worst trait is his reactiveness (Jason never got the privilege of planning ahead for various events in his life, so he instead needed to rely on being swift and harsh in how he could react to situations. It’s saved his life on multiple occasions and helps significantly in his role as Spoiler, but it can also lead to extreme overreactions (accidentally causing kidnapping scare after Jason ran away following a fight with Dick) and a struggle to plan things out ahead of time. As he grows more secure in his place in the family and in life, this trait will lessen but never fully dissipate.)

His worst trait actually is his reactiveness

#stephanie brown #cassandra cain #tim drake #dick grayson #barbara gordon #damian wayne #duke thomas #jason todd #batfamily #randomizedrobinsau #I'm debating whether I should tag this with the Joker Junior tag and those related to it for Pierrot #because like...it's not quite that. but it's also very close to that and is the direct result of that. #but Pierrot would fucking HATE to be tagged as that and sees it as an insult to his identity...which he already has problems with #so I don't think I'm gonna #anyways lmao I am totally projecting my younger self onto Barbara. How could I not? She's literally the reason I view my disability #the way that I do and she actively improved my mental health just by existing and saying some of the shit she did when I was in the #stages of accepting my own disability. So yeah I am projecting a lot onto her because I love her and see myself in her. #I'm mostly basing these characterizations on my favorite versions of them (ie Red Robin 2009 Tim and Birds of Prey Barbara). #so I'm taking the traits I like/think fit in this AU and discarding what I think either is bad or doesn't fit or if I just don't like it. #Damian's 'murder gremlin who is a meanie on purpose because he is a meanie' is entirely unappealing to me and also does not fit this AU #I prefer him when he's portrayed as a sympathetic kid (who is still an asshole) and not a demon child. So that's what I'm using. #same with Talia's 'abusive mother who is totally on-board with all of her father's bullshit and will kill someone for no reason' version #I have read enough comics to know what I like/what is most important and what I don't like/what is #BLATANT CHARACTER ASSASSINATION GRANT MORRISON YOU FUCK YOU SET TALIA BACK SO FUCKING FAR #I also decided to outline their WORST traits because I already know what I like about these characters/their best traits. #most people do. But what was a greater challenge was finding what would make their lives and those of others worse. #what would I hate about this person if I knew them IRL? What would I first suggest they get therapy for? What hurts them and why? #I found these questions really interesting in the context of this AU where some people are forced into completely different roles #the says/thinks/is was inspired by trying to answer that question for myself. I say my worst trait is my impulsiveness but when #I asked others in my life they answered 'oh so you said your weird thing where you don't ask for help right?'

[quietwingsinthesky]

at some point i am going to have to force even to go back and deal with donna & tentoo & rose & all and everything they ran away from. and that will probably involve them losing tentoo’s chameleon arch watch by giving it back to its rightful owner, whether she chooses to open it or not. and that is. not going to be a very fun or stable time for them.

#this part is v vague and fuzzy because i want to watch the rest of 12 & 13 and finish the doctor/donna specials before i set anything in #stone about it. but i think i need to rearrange some things in the timeline here vis a vis when the doctor is also forced to go back and #deal with his baggage. #i dont think 14 exists in even’s universe for this reason. and for the reason of tentoo kind of taking on his role? the human part of the #doctor who can stay with donna & with rose. #she’s also trans to me because i love trans!tentoo. her name is johanna. i think it’s pretty. i make a singular exception to my rule of #never changing characters names when i trans them. #but i think. what im getting at here is that this cant be a happy ending. not so cleanly. its more bittersweet. #like i think this version of the story. what i have so far. donna does remember. (tentoo doesn’t but that’s because she’s become her own #person. the doctor is who she came from but she isn’t just the doctor anymore.) and rose knows her doctor is out there and loves her but #she has her wife at home. #and even. oh even. you can’t hold onto a heart that’s not yours forever. you have to give it back. #this. i think. is a moment of respite and recovery for the doctor. and a really really low point for even. however this works out. #its not perfect but there’s kindness in it. and there’s a home to go back to. if they can bear it. both of them. #but like i said. this is all preliminary based on what i might play around with here. and how watching more of the show changes my ideas. #but i think. whatever revelations come in 13’s arc. i think in even’s universe they have to come after donna. i’ll find a way to make it #work. #but mostly right now the important thing is forcing even to give up the watch because why would i let them have one single comfort object <3 #dw oc

[keikoayano]

Thinking about the yearning when Eurylochus says “let’s just cut our losses, you and I, and let’s run”

He’s not saying to forget those they’ve lost, he’s not saying to undo what has been done, he’s not blaming Odysseus (at this moment) for the consequences of his decisions. He reminds Odysseus of this all, sure, but not to be negative or force Odysseus to confront what they’ve lived through. He’s begging Odysseus to see things from his point-of-view.

He doesn’t want to lose Odysseus on top of everything else, even though he’s watching Odysseus change in front of him from the captain that he’s known, from the friend that he’s known for years. He doesn’t want to lose what few men are left. He doesn’t want to lose another self-proclaimed brother - they’ve both lost Polites already.

He just wants to grab Odysseus and get everyone remaining home, even if that means turning and running

#epic the musical #personal #I’M HAVING MANY EMOTIONS OVER HOW THAT LINE IS SUNG #there’s an ever so slight upwards pitch when he says run #it’s the last straw for him #it’s the last chance he gives Odysseus before their relationship changes permanently #before Eurylochus is FORCED to change their relationship forever because he can’t get through to Odysseus any other way #because he’s been TRYING to get through to him as Odysseus is changed by the loss and the influences of the people/gods around him #like if someone grabbed your hand and gently pulled it #squeezed their hand in yours #and BEGGED you to look at things from their view for even a moment #and Odysseus can’t do that #not at this point in their journey #he’s already been changed too much for that #and to have Eurylochus say that he wants to turn away and run #has SUCH an impact bc this is his second-in-command #this is the person that the entire fleet would look to for direction if anything happened to Odysseus #and he wants to RUN. he wants Odysseus to RUN. imagine how Eurylochus feels as the second-in-command suggesting that they leave the men #behind on the island #these are his men just as much as they are Odysseus’ men #but he’s at such a breaking point that if it meant everyone else could remain safe #Odysseus included #then he would RUN #I know that a bunch of versions portray Eurylochus and cowardly and troublesome but that’s not true at all for EPIC’s version of him #at least in my opinion

[bitchthefuck1]

We as a society need to acknowledge the psychological toll of being the only woman in a friend group willing to argue back when the guys start saying sexist shit. I deserve financial compensation.

#I'm out here in the trenches with zero backup and the only prize i get is a text from a girlfriend after the fact saying i was right but she #didn't have the energy to argue it #someone give me a fucking medal #like in any other context I'd straight up stop hanging out with these people but i can't for Reasons so instead every few months i have to #undergo psychological terrorism over a group meal #it has actually been such a good demonstration of how men will prioritize patriarchal alliance over anything else bc this is a group of #people ive known for years and that i see weekly and the way they will throw me under the fucking bus to agree with a random guy someone #invited that none of them actually know is genuinely insane. good to know exactly how little you value me as an individual 👍 #actually tho I can't describe to you how fucking depressing it is to watch a male friend say something lightly misogynistic and then when #you provide the slightest bit of pushback they just all start to join in and double down and then because none of your other female friends #are willing to speak out they start to get more emboldened and the situation spirals a bit and you're literally standing there getting #dogged on as you're forced to confront the fact that on a fundamental level they dont see you as a real person

[mercymaker]

sometimes i read some takes on this website and just think 'it's not that deep'

like.. people are SO quick to jump to conclusions about other people, it's wild

#life #especially in the bg3 fandom #it's like 'you are modding this character so that means you don't like them' and i'm just.. people just want to have fun sometime yaknow? #just do silly little things trying something new #or when it's like 'you made this oc look too young or too sexy or xyz so it means you are bad' #or the classic 'why'd you give this character a *insert traumatic event or past* give us your whole personal history! what are you hiding?? #the speed with which people assume ill intent or make their own conclusions about other people is fucking WILD in all honesty #not everything has to have some secret hidden meaning especially a negative one #and it's even worse when they ping pong those opinions in their little groups #shit like that just makes the fandom space hostile where everyone has to feel anxious #because it breeds an environment where you feel forced to either over-explain something and still be misunderstood #or not share anything to begin with just to avoid this shit altogether #just chill a little bit yaknow? this isn't high school anymore