I sometimes I wish was part in a Japanese fandom community and understand the their language and having fun their with them, instead being on the western community since there so drama with the fucking antis who ruined the fun for everyone that the hurts.
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I must sleep. Sleep is the mind-healer. Sleep is the big-life that brings total ability to fucking do anything. I will face my bed. I will permit the blankie to pass over me and snores to pass through me. And when sleep has gone past I will turn the outer eye to greet the new morning. When the sleep has gone there will be everything. Energy and will to live will remain.
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when u go to write a mentally ill person in ur story you are presented two options. the first option is to write your mental illness realistically as you actually experience it with all the ups and downs and people who are like you will resonate with it and feel seen. except every person who reads instagram infographics on mental health that uses the phrase narcicisst for anyone who does anything that crosses them and unironically call themself a dark empath will call you scary and tell you that youre demonizing mentally ill people
the second option is to lie and write inspiration porn for those people to get hard to
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𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔲𝔰𝔦𝔠 𝔱𝔞𝔤 𝔤𝔞𝔪𝔢 ━━━♡⊰⊹
I was tagged by friendos @reapersynth @killerspinal and @devilbrakers to share some music I've been listening to lately - thank you for thinking of me! <3 they were technically two different games, so I'll just combine them and share ten shuffled songs and 4 favorite albums!
My playlists are. Hm. Music that I can imagine my OCs Doing Stuff to or. Music to keep the adhd at bay and lets me work. I picked from my OC playlists for these, so you could too, if you'd like <3
Ten Songs:
1. Born to Die - XVGNS
2. Aqua Regia - Sleep Token > Valen song hehe
3. Merchant of the Void - 3TEETH
4. That Girl - SAFETY
5. Climbing up the Walls - Viscera
6. Potential - KUTE
7. The Hell I Overcame - Bad Omens
8. Bad Decisions - Bad Omens
9. Garden of Magic - ANGELHEX
10. Animals - Call Me Karizma > prime Valen vibes
Four Albums:
1. Starset - Vessels
2. Seether- Disclaimer II
3. Flora Cash - Can Summer Last Forever?
4. Sleep Token - Take Me Back to Eden
Gimme your music. If you want to, there's no pressure to do this! I'm not 100% sure who's done this, so if you already have, feel free to ignore!
@rindemption @noirapocalypto @spicyraeman @humberg @kharonion @balverine2077 @saevus-brutalis @breezypunk @swanfey @nuclearstorms @hibernationsuit @westealtoys @lavampira @aartyom @feykiller @pinkyjulien @itzsassha @a-pirate @indorilnerevarine @shellibisshe @opaleyedprince @elfjpeg @cyberneutral @elmknight @legalzombie1618 @hydrasshole
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
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"bluntly honest" autism but in the sense that i absolutely cannot refrain from complimenting strangers if i like their earrings or their shirt or i think they have a friendly-sounding laugh or i think their art is beautiful or i think the fic they wrote portrays the characters so well. "bluntly honest" doesn't have to mean "mean". i love to tell people things that are kind and also true.
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