#almost threw hands then and there | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

slashersteve · 2 years

Text

Just Hold Me

requested by anonymous

pairing: Steve Harrington/Female Reader

summary: Your new nightmares cause you to distance yourself from your boyfriend while he’s still healing from the wounds that could’ve killed him. Steve isn’t going to let you though, and begs you to spend the night with him.

warnings/extra tags: mentions of death, injuries, nightmares/night terrors, angst, comfort, soft and caring steve who's still healing from his own injuries :( , kissing :) , beta read, editted by me and autocorrect

note: this fic is a whole "idc about what happens in v2" because in my hc vecna gets annihilated (again) and doesn't get the chance to murder and traumatize anyone else...at least like...a little... anyway thank you for the request and as always enjoy!

✧ ✧ ✧

You were no stranger to night terrors. Hell, they were all that you had following that night you, Nancy Wheeler, and Jonathan Byers hunted and trapped the demogorgon that terrorized Hawkins in 83 and killed Nancy's best friend Barbara.

The dreams of this over 9 foot tall, inter dimensional creature that had sharp claws and rows, and rows of teeth made the nightmares you’d have before look like child’s play. Mostly because it was real, as the dream of a clown chasing you as a kid with a knife was not, but this creature? It was real, you even had the scar to prove it.

As the years passed, your nightmares would not only get worse but actually expand. You would not only hear the clicking and whistling of a demogorgon crawling through your wall or a demodog hiding in the bushes as you were typically trapped in the middle of the woods in your nightmares but also smell the stench of burnt human flesh and feel the ground shaking beneath you as you ran away from this unstoppable being. That was courtesy of the Mind Flayer last summer, of course.

After going through what you had been through, along with the others, it was just something that you’d have to, not get used to per say, but more so…deal with and work through.

The most common way was to talk to the others about it, share your nightmares and don’t let it bottle up. That’s what you and Steve did, as many times either you or him have woken up in a cold sweat and had to dial the others number to talk to each other. It was always easier if you were next to each other though, so that you could hold him or he could hold you.

And it was a system that worked, up until very recently.

These new nightmares that plagued you were on a different level of horrifying. After experiencing the dimension these creatures came from first-hand, things had taken a turn for the worse mentally (and physically as you were sure you were short of breath more frequently).

They weren't just about being trapped there, and attacked by what you and your friends who were with you elected to call demobats, or about just you getting fatally injured anymore, but rather about...somebody else and that was your boyfriend, Steve Harrington.

You've dreamt of it before, but in the week following your forced adventure to the Upside Down, it was taking a heavy toll on you because it didn't seem very far off from what actually had happened.

One of these dreams always started with you in the water of Lover's Lake, and it's deeper in your dream than it actually was. You're swimming down as fast as you could in total darkness, water filling up your lungs and your body growing heavy with fatigue, but you never stopped in the dream because you knew who you were swimming toward.

Then, you're in the Upside Down, and you can't breathe in the thick, particle filled air of this other world that mirrored yours, and instead of swimming, now you're running.

Except, you're slow, too slow and all you could hear are the horrid, loud screeches of the demobats that are in the cloudy sky above you and circling something in the distance like how vultures might circle a deteriorating animal carcass.

The red flashes of lightning are almost deafening, as if they are hitting right next to you rather than in the distance like they actually had been and you're still running in slow-motion when everything around you is not. Like the being here was teasing you, and...well he was.

You're still running, except now you're a little closer, and that's when you see who you're trying to get to. It's Steve, he's standing there covered in his own blood, and open wounds, swinging an oar to try and get the swarm of demobats away from him.

He's grunting and he is yelling, and it's echoing in your ears. You call out to him, but he doesn't hear you, and then, the swarm engulfs him and you hear a final cry before your gasping awake in your bedroom.

It takes you a moment to realize you're awake, that you're not desperately running to Steve in the Upside Down or that you were drenched in your own sweat rather than the lake water of Lover's Lake.

For a few seconds, you still hear Steve's shout of pain, echoing in your mind. When the echo is gone, and you realize you're on your own bed in the darkness of your room, you're hyperventilating and trying to catch your breath as tears streamed down your cheeks.

You don't fall asleep again, and rather stay sitting up, hugging your knees in your chest and crying until the sun begins to peak through the sheer curtains of your bedroom window.

✧ ✧ ✧

Steve was excused from his job at Hawkins Family Video because of his injuries that nearly killed him in the Upside Down and after, and because of this, you had taken up most of his shifts since you weren't a high schooler like Robin was.

For the first few days of his medical leave, you would spend everyday with him after you clocked out, even when you had a closing shift past midnight.

Recently though, you stopped doing it.

The first night you didn't go over when he knew your shift was over, he called Family Video asking where you were. Robin had been the one to answer, and had told him you left hours ago.

It was stupid of you to disappear like that without warning, you knew that, especially since what happened only over a week ago when Vecna was killing teens left and right. You scared them, you scared him, but a single phone call that night assured Steve you were okay, that you were just tired of the long shifts and needed a night to recharge and promised to tell him next time.

He understood of course, and it only made you feel bad because the real reason was every time you looked at him, you could only think of your nightmares. Every time your eyes caught the bandages around his abdomen or the still visible bruising around his neck, you felt like you couldn't breathe again.

It was worse when he'd ask you to help him switch the bandage out. His wounds simply scared you, and so did the small sounds of pain when you had to take the bloody gauze pad off to exchange for a new one. Your body would freeze over, and then...you would find a reason to leave.

After a second time of not going to visit him again, you felt bad about leaving him alone, so you asked Robin if she could go see him for you.

"I don't think I'm the one he wants to see, but if that's what you want then alright," Robin told you, "Are you okay, though? I mean...I don't see how any of us can be okay after all that...but..."

"Yeah, I'm as okay as I can be," you lied with a convincing smile, "My mom just needs me home tonight since I've been at his place all last week, could you tell him that?"

Robin stared at you for a long moment, as if she could see right through you.

"Hey," she started, "We're all friends here who experienced all that...shit, I just...want to remind you that. If something's wrong then you know it makes sense for us to talk and help each other."

You knew that, you always have and considering how Vecna took and manipulated his victims, keeping things in like this was not a great idea, and yet, you were keen on keeping it to yourself for now.

"I'm okay, Robin," you told her as you were pulling out the headphones to your walkman and putting them over your head, "Tell Steve that too, please?"

You didn't wait for an answer, already turning your music on and giving her a thumbs up.

Had you not turned your music on, you would've heard Robin's skeptical response.

"Sure, I'll lie to him for you," Robin had said before watching you walk out through the front door to go on your lunch break.

Robin visited Steve that night, and then the night after that, and then the morning after that, but this time with Dustin at her side.

Steve was sitting in bed when they came barging in, and for a moment, his eyes had lit up because he was sure you would be one of them, but when he saw Robin (again) and then Dustin and his dumb hat, Steve didn't hide his disappointment even though they had bags of food and more movies for him to keep himself occupied today.

"You guys again?" he asked.

"Hey, it's my first time coming to visit you since last week," Dustin proclaimed, offended by such a question and Robin pat his head.

"It's not you Henderson, it's me he's so excited to see again," Robin told the kid.

Dustin raised a curious brow, and asked why Robin was the one seeing him the past few days and not you. Robin shrugged and crossed her arms while Steve frowned deeply.

"She coming tonight?" Steve asked Robin, and she shrugged to him this time in response as she sat on the end of his bed and Dustin moved to set down the bags of things on the desk in Steve's room.

Steve shook his head and flipped the covers off of him when Dustin turned and grimaced.

"Dude put some pants on, there's a girl here," Dustin told him with disgust, to which Steve gave him a look because he was literally wearing boxer shorts. It wasn't good or respectful enough for Dustin, who grasped some folded, freshly washed sweatpants that were stacked on top of other folded clothes on his desk chair and tossed it at Steve.

It hit him in the chest, and Robin had let out a short laugh as she fell backwards onto his bed. Her head knocked into something hard, and she raised a brow as she stuck her hand under her head and realized she had hit her head on a book.

Steve slowly put the sweats on as he asked again for clarification, "So she isn't coming today?"

"Based on her track record the past few days, I would say don't count on it," Robin replied to him as she stared up at the book, and he scowled.

He couldn't help but be agitated that his own girlfriend was very clearly avoiding him.

At the sight of Steve's graveling, Dustin huffed and said, "It's only been a few days Steve, you'll survive, I mean, I can't even see Suzie because we're states apart."

Steve rested his unamused expression on Dustin while he pushed his messy strands of hair out of his face and said, "Henderson, you chose to date a girl who lived in Utah, and it's not just that, something's wrong, she wouldn't just stop coming to see me..."

"Maybe she's just tired of playing nurse, I know I would be," Robin said as she set the book aside, and it was her turn to get Steve's unamused glare, she cringed and said, "It's only a joke, but yeah I would say something's up."

Dustin had moved the clothes off the desk chair and sat down, and said, "Well, it has just been a week since Vecna, so maybe she just needs some space mentally."

Steve looked at Dustin for a moment, before his eyes fell down.

You were distancing yourself, that much was obvious, but the reasoning for it wasn't as obvious to Steve. He knew it wasn't out of malicious intent and that was reassuring, but he knew it wasn't for a good reason either.

He missed you, a lot, even though it's only been a few days like Dustin said. Being home all of the time on bed rest was boring, and left him alone with his thoughts for too long. His highlight the past week was you showing up to brighten his dull days spent in his room, talking to him, kissing him, and overall just being there.

Really though, he wanted you here to see that you were okay rather than you sending others to tell him that you were when everyone knew you weren't.

"She still look tired?" Steve suddenly asked Robin, and she nodded.

"No more than the rest of us, honestly, but more tired than she usually looks," she replied, leaning on one hand to look at Steve sympathetically.

Everyone was quiet, as they too weren't strangers to a loss of sleep due to the terrifying experiences they've all had and up until now, it just wasn't as scary as before considering one of Vecna's curse symptoms was loss of sleep. He was gone now though, as far as they knew, so it wasn't that. Something else was wrong, and Steve just needed and wanted to see you.

And thankfully, Robin and Dustin were on his side with this one.

Because of Steve's gloomy demeanor, Robin held up the book and said jokingly, "Have you been so bored without her that you started to read? I didn't even know you could."

His head snapped towards her, seeing the book you had given him back when he was in the hospital to try and keep him busy when you couldn't be there due to the strict visiting hours.

"It's another joke, god, we'll get your girlfriend over here so you can get that sense of humor back," Robin said, while Dustin laughed himself. Steve shook his head, but a small smile grew on his lips regardless.

That afternoon you were restocking videos on a shift with Keith when Robin and Dustin approached you.

You knew Robin had gone to see Steve, so when you saw their concerned expressions and considered the fact they were coming to you in the middle of your shift, you automatically assumed the worst.

"Why do you guys look so upset? Is it Steve? Is he okay?" you asked the both of them almost frantically. Dustin waved his hand side to side.

"No, no Steve's o-"

"Here's an idea," Robin cut Dustin off before he could assure you Steve was okay, physically at least, "Why don't you go down there and see for yourself if he's okay."

It wasn't condescending at all when she told you that, but your heart fell like it was, like she was insulting your ability to be a good girlfriend to her best friend.

Dustin cleared his throat when he saw your torn expression and added, "He misses you, I mean, he always does even before this, which I don't see why since he used to see you everyday here..."

There was this ongoing feud between him and Dustin about Dustin believing Steve had no right to miss you after a few days or even hours that you were reminded of again. It made you want to smile.

"You should probably go see him, it was really depressing this morning," Dustin finished, making your almost smile completely vanish and be re-replaced by the same frown that's been on your face since your night terrors began.

"Look," Robin started, "Henderson is right on the money here, he doesn't want to see me, or him, or anybody else, he wants to see you, so tonight, go see him, even if just for a bit."

You inhaled deeply, but didn't say anything as you slowly began to continue shelving the tapes before Keith told you something.

Dustin and Robin looked at each other, and now he sighed, "I'm just saying, whatever is going on with you, he's probably going through the same thing, and being apart isn't helping you or him. Remember, all we have is each other, isn't that what you said a couple years ago?"

You snapped your head toward Dustin because he was right. You did say that once, after you, him, Steve, Max, and Lucas were almost killed by a bunch of demodogs. You had said it when Dustin and Lucas were arguing about who betrayed the party when you were walking in the woods, and they decided to forgive each other.

You can't believe he remembered that, but you could believe he used it to make you feel even worse about not seeing Steve. Your boyfriend's unofficial little brother was too smart at his age, you were sure of it.

They could tell by the look in your eyes that you were convinced to see Steve tonight, and when you turned around, Robin and Dustin lightly high-fived.

✧ ✧ ✧

Your shift ended just after 10 pm, and even after Robin and Dustin left, you knew you were going to force yourself to go see Steve. It was easy during work, as you could preoccupy your thoughts with helping someone find the right movie, taking out the trash, helping Keith with the returns, but when you were alone in your car, you felt that same anxiety wash over you, the kind that made your skin feel cold and your hands feel tingly and uncomfortable.

It was just Steve, your handsome boyfriend of 2 and a half years now, someone that you loved and could see yourself being with for the rest of your life if he would have you, you loved him, he was okay- injured yes, but okay.

And your nightmares were exactly what they were, nightmares, and you shouldn't let them keep you from him, not after Vecna tried to isolate Max from you guys.

When you finally made it to Steve's house, he was sitting in bed still with a book in his hands. It was the book you'd brought to him when he was still in the hospital because he needed something to do when you weren't there. He wasn't that big of a reader, but you told him to try anyways for you.

It was nice to see that he was, even though he hadn't even made it halfway through. Still, he must've been engrossed in it if he didn't even hear his door being open. He was even wearing reading glasses, and it made you smile softly.

You hadn’t seen him for a while so you took a moment to admire your boyfriend like you always did. You first let your eyes scan over his messy hair. He hasn’t been styling it because he had no reason to as of late, so his thick hair was sticking up in various directions. He was shirtless too and wearing those gray sweatpants of his.

Your eyes rested on his chest, admiring the chest hair there for longer than normal before your eyes fell to the bandage wrapped around his abdomen. That's when your smile began to falter, and the anxiety returned.

You had inhaled sharply, capturing Steve's attention finally. His eyes snapped upward, and his face instantly lit up at the sight of you.

"You're here!" he said, closing and practically tossing the book onto his nightstand and tearing off the reading glasses he didn't realize he needed until he started to read again.

Despite the anxiety bubbling in your stomach and chest, you still found yourself smiling at his excitement to see you.

"If you didn't come today, I was going to defy the doctor's orders and drive to your house," Steve admitted to you as he sat more up. He clenched his teeth then, and you knew the simple movement had hurt him, resulting in your own chest hurting too.

"I'm sorry I haven't been coming around," you said truthfully, "All the extra shifts Keith puts me on have been exhausting."

You stepped further into the room, but didn't move close enough to kiss Steve like you always did. Instead, you stayed a good few feet away from him, your eyes scanning over the untouched stacks of movies you knew Robin and Dustin had brought him.

"I promise when I'm healed I'll make it up to you," Steve told you, you hummed in response, but didn't say much else. Steve stared at the side of your face with a frown on his lips, as he expected you to sit beside him or at least get closer to him.

"Hey," Steve called, making you look at him and he pat the spot beside him, "Come here."

You hesitated, eyes flashing from the space beside him and back at him. He noticed your eyes passing over his bandages, and he grinned at you softly, "You're not going to hurt me if you sit next to me, I promise. I'm not that fragile."

You pressed your lips together, and slowly went to sit beside Steve, sitting farther from him than he had wanted you to. Steve exhaled softly and moved closer to you, raising both of his brows questionably.

"Are you sure it's just the extra shifts?" he asked you, and you nodded in response.

"Yeah, it's a lot," you replied, half-lying and half telling the truth, "I also thought you'd like a change from just seeing me."

Steve scoffed, "You think I want to see Robin and Dustin every day rather than my own girlfriend?"

You giggled then and Steve laughed too, then settled his eyes back on you, and told you, "I don't mean to be...that guy...but...I haven't seen you in a few days and I want to kiss you so bad." That made you laugh again, so you leaned in to peck him gently on the lips.

It wasn't enough for Steve though, as you felt his hand reach up to gently grasp the back of your neck and pull you toward him again. His lips met yours in a tender kiss.

Your initial concerns faded away as he kissed you, as you were reminded in this moment of how good of a kisser your boyfriend was. His lips expertly sliding against yours, and the gentle swipe of his tongue over your bottom lip that made you putty in his hands making you realize how much you've missed kissing him too.

You tilted your head, giving him more access to your lips. Steve chuckled softly when you did so, and released your lips to say, "I guess I'm making those extra shifts up to you right now."

You licked your own lips, and simply leaned in to kiss him again in response. Steve smiled before returning your kiss, this time slipping his tongue in between your lips.

You fell forward then, and just as his tongue met yours, he suddenly grunted in pain. You immediately stopped, and snapped your eyes open and saw Steve's face was in a slight wince.

"Sorry," he told you, and your eyes widened as you leaned away from him realizing in your stupor you had touched his sides, "It wasn't you, I just turned awkwardly-"

"I-I think I have to go," you said suddenly, feeling guilty for having hurt him even though he said it wasn't you who did it. You still felt like you caused it.

Steve frowned, "No, don't- don't go, at least not yet- you barely got here."

"I know and I'm sorry, Steve," you were already trying to stand but Steve caught you, his brown eyes growing sad, and you said regretfully, "It's late Steve."

"I know but, I was thinking you could spend the night," Steve suggested, and a wave of fear washed over you, not sure if that was possible without having your reoccurring nightmare, "Come on...I've been alone all day and...honestly I don't want to be alone tonight."

You thought about all the nights you've spent gasping awake from your nightmares, how you would sit alone in the darkness of your room and found that it was the same for you. Maybe actually being with Steve was the cure to them, rather than the cause.

"Yeah...I don't want to be alone either," you admitted to him, and Steve smiled weakly at you before he pulled you back on the bed with him, except this time you didn't let him pull you closer or coax you into another heated kiss much to his dismay.

Rather, you laid beside him, keeping your attention on the movie you had put on in the TV in his room. You ended up falling asleep though, your eyes fluttering shut about halfway through the film.

For the first few seconds, your subconscious was blissfully quiet, and peaceful, giving you the impression that tonight would be the first night you didn't have that night terror...well...until you heard a splash of water and a loud crack of lightning.

Steve was laying beside your sleeping figure, his eyes starting to flutter shut and join you in sleep when suddenly the bed jolted underneath him. His tired eyes snapped open, and he thought maybe he had one of those jerks or something that tend to happen before people fall asleep and they feel like they're falling, but when it happened again and a quiet whimper that he didn't make followed it, Steve knew that wasn't it.

Rubbing his eyes, he turned his head to look at you. You were laying on your side facing him. You jerked again, waking Steve up even more, and he sat up to get a better look at you.

From the light of the television that reflected on you, he could see your troubled expression. Your face was contorted, eyebrows taunt and your lips were parted. Very obviously you were dreaming, and he was willing to bet it wasn't a good one.

"Hey, babe," Steve tried, reaching one hand over to you to gently rest on your shoulder. You shook away from him, quick paced breaths releasing through your parted lips as one would when they were on a run. Steve's stomach dropped, and he ignored the pain in his healing wounds as he turned his whole body toward you, trying to shake you awake.

As he, Dustin, and Robin figured, you were suffering from nightmares, and the content of them could've been anything, but at this moment Steve just wanted to make you wake up, especially when tears began to squeeze out of your eyes and your fast breaths turned into quiet cries.

"Hey! Wake up! You're having a nightmare!" he said louder, and finally your eyes snapped open and you were gasping loudly as you jolted upward without warning. Steve had even released you as you were suddenly sitting up, hands moving over your face as you cried into them due to your night terror.

Steve sighed out of relief though that he managed to get you awake, and then he said, "Hey- hey come here, it was just a nightmare-" His hand touched your shoulder blade affectionately.

Upon hearing his voice and feeling his gentle touch on your back, you were pulled back into reality faster than the other time's you've woken up from your dream. Your breaths slowed down, and Steve gently scooted toward you, wrapping his arm fully around you as he told you quietly, "It's alright, it was just a nightmare-"

You leaned into Steve, your quiet cries turning into sobs as you sought comfort in his warm embrace, something that you didn't have these past nights and was actually depriving yourself of.

Steve held you then, letting you press your head against his chest to listen to his beating heart and the pain that he typically with every moment seemed to have subsided so that he could continue holding you.

"It's alright," he told you again softly, "I'm right here, it was just a dream...just a bad dream."

Steve didn't even know the content of your nightmares, that you were dreaming of losing him in the Upside Down, but he somehow knew it was exactly what you needed to hear. You nodded against him, nuzzling your face into his chest and taking his presence in.

After a moment of sitting here with him like this, Steve asked if you wanted to talk about it.

Your voice was hoarse as you told him not yet, but promisied you would tell him all about it later as you now realized it was something you needed to talk about in order to get through.

Steve accepted your response, knowing that you would tell him perhaps in the morning, and he asked, "Is there anything I can do right now?"

You inhaled deeply, taking in his unique scent, and replied softly, "Just keep holding me, Steve, please."

And he did.

He held you tightly against him, up until your heart calmed down and your body stopped trembling, up until you started to drift off to sleep again, which was something you couldn't do when you were alone and without him.

You don’t remember if the nightmare happened again when you fell asleep, but what you do remember is waking up still in Steve’s warm embrace with the sun barely peeking through the curtains of his window and then kissing Steve awake.

#the way this title has me sobbing #and me and this imagine almost threw hands because tumblr kept crashing and deleting everything :)))))#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington #stranger things imagines #stranger things #reader insert #female reader #imagines #stranger things x reader #stranger things fanfic #lys writes again

2K notes · View notes

nerevar-quote-and-star · 3 months

Text

Look, we thought pairing my LDB up with freaking Yrsarald Thrice-Pierced instead of Ulfric would be funny.

It wasn't. It was just sad.

As I told my dear sweet @elder-dragon-reposes, it's one thing for one of Ulfric's followers clear across Skyrim to get heart eyes for Ulfric's girlfriendsword arm, but it's another matter entirely if it's one of his generals. In his own city.

Yrsarald remembers the Dragonborn from when she came to call Ulfric to the Greybeards' council. He remembers that she was soft-spoken and adamant about the World-Eater. She's hopeful and compassionate, and that stands out to him, even if she is an elf.

Ulfric doesn't seem to mind her ancestry, so Yrsarald elects to ignore it untilunless it becomes a problem.

News comes that Alduin has been banished, and the Dragonborn is about Skyrim, helping people. It's . . . nice that the foreign half-elf seems to care so much for the well-being of Skyrim and her people. Yrsarald keeps tabs on her through the informants and spy networks. It's a matter of security if the Dragonborn turns traitor to Skyrim and helps the blasted Thalmor. Galmar isn't keeping up with it, so for Ulfric and the Stormcloaks' sake, Yrsarald is.

But all he hears are good things. She wins admiration everywhere she goes, but she doesn't belong anywhere. Balgruuf the Greater is trying to tie the Dragonborn to Whiterun, but she's as flighty as Kyne's winds. Somewhere in there, Yrsarald learns her name is Leara Ormand and she's from HIgh Rock. She grew up on magic and chivalry. She probably sees life as a fairy tale. He may disdain her for it.

But then she comes to Windhelm. They've had troubles of their own, being stretched between the care of the city and fighting a war. And she solves problems. He hears she's investigating the serial killer in town . . .

. . .then finds the Butcher, and she's hurt? Ulfric is concerned, but Yrsarald finds himself livid. He cannot see his Jarl's worry for his own shame that their hero came to help them, and all she got in return was a bleeding wound and permafrost on her skin.

Imagine being so in love with an otherwise mythic figure, a celebrity, that you can't see that your friend, your brother, is also in love with her. How can you see it when you aren't ready to admit your own feelings?

Leara is renting a room at Candlehearth when Yrsarald decides he needs to pay his respects to her. She is surprised when he meets her near dinner. He has never seen a woman so precisely featured before. She's not in armor (he's only seen her in silver plate); her hair is down (curling in blood rose vines) and she's bundled in a cornflower blue dress (it's loose to accommodate her bandages). He wants to sit down and talk to her, but he doesn't. He thanks her, though, and she smiles. He stops by the counter later to make sure Elda sends her a dessert .

"But don't bother her with who it's from." "Well if that's how you choose to show your appreciation."

Yrsarald buys Leara sweets after that. She doesn't know it's him. She knows it's someone who appreciates her service and feels bad about her getting hurt, but Elda won't crack. Drat the woman.

Leara wonders if Ulfric is gifting her the sweets. She wants to hope it's Ulfric. She wants their past to be past and for her to appreciate everything she continues to do not for him, but to his benefit; she wasn't drawn in by his smile or anything. Who else would it be if not him? Ralof? He's not in town. General Stone-Fist didn't seem too bothered about her.

Leara's still healing. She's not bedridden or anything, but she's not fit to go beyond the city gates where there are bandits and dragons and necromancers (oh my!), so she decides that visiting the court wizard might be a fruitful investment of her time. She shuffles off to the Palace of the Kings. She runs into Jorleif right off and, on telling him she'd like to visit the court wizard, he's ready to take her to Wuunferth because she's been to see him before, and after all, she is the Dragonborn.

And this is that delightful moment when fate can swing either way because if Ulfric shows up and offers to walk Leara, that's all she wrote. Yrsarald's lost his chance because now that soft smile from Candlehearth is directed at the Jarl, not him, and Yrsarald will never get it back.

But maybe, just maybe, if Yrsarald gets to Leara before Ulfric does, if he captures her attention in conversation, maybe she'll look at him.

For a general commanding troops, it's terribly hard to be brave before a woman.

He would ask her how she's healing from the attack, and Leara would sigh, tired with herself but patient in her speech, because she's healing but she feels like she's letting the people down. And the tips of her ears might turn pink (Yrsarald didn't know elf ears did that) because Leara didn't mean to be that candid and trouble him – but Yrsarald is tripping over himself to tell her that she's done more for Skyrim than anyone (why is his neck red?) and it's reasonable for her to convalesce after an injury.

"Rest and eat apple tarts." ". . . how did you know I was eating apple tarts?"

Yrsarald coughs (he did not mean to tell her that). Leara is staring at him. They're at Wuunferth's quarters. She blinks at him before thanking him for guiding her through the palace. Then she's gone, and Yrsarald is kicking himself for being an idiot.

He's smitten.

Soon (too soon) Leara has healed from her injury and she's at the palace again, but this time she's offering to help Ulfric negotiate a permanent peace between both sides. Ulfric's seen Leara at the table, he knows what she can do. Galmar is more skeptical, but when Ulfric looks to Yrsarald for his opinion (and Leara's too-blue winter deep eyes follow) he says to let her have at it.

Leara needs to be brought up on the Stormcloaks holdings and Ulfric says he'll help her, but then Galmar needs him for something else and Yrsarald (does NOTdoes) jumps at the chance to help the Dragonborn. She's attentive and quiet, and asks the right questions about supplies and movements. And Yrsarald realizes as he's talking to her that Leara has been in a war before.

"Were you in the Great War?"

The stiffening of her shoulders is almost imperceptible. He'd have missed it if he weren't watching her so intently.

"Yes."

Her reply is measured. She does not lie.

"Legion?"

Because everyone was in the Legion then. Back when it fought for Skyrim. He wouldn't fault her if she was . . . why is her face sour? Her mouth is pinched.

"It doesn't matter–" "It does."

Why does it matter? He wonders, why is he pressing?

Her eyes are wide. So wide and too-blue.

Leara looks ill.

And then he knows.

He knew from the beginning she couldn't be trusted. She was an elf. All elves scurried back to the Thalmor in the end. She was here for that blasted Thalmor "ambassador" – she would betray Ulfric and the sons of Skyrim to their deaths!

There's a breathless scream.

Yrsarald doesn't realize until then that he has her on the ground. She's so small and too precisely featured. Her eyes are too blue. She's a traitor, a liar, a fraud–

The Dragonborn does not care for Skyrim.

"Yrsarald, please–"

Yrsarald growls.

Why is she crying? Doesn't she realize what she's doing to Skyrim? – Done to him? All this time and Yrsarald realizes he let Leara lure him into a fairy tale, only for her to shatter it with frigid reality when he thinks, when he thinks . . .

He might love her.

But elves can't love.

"You will rue the day you stepped foot in Skyrim, elf!"

She's sobbing. If she were really a true Dragonborn, she'd try and Shout him off, but Yrsarald wonders if she lied about that, too. High Elf illusions.

"Yrsa–" "What's going–?!"

Then Yrsarald is yanked back forcibly. Galmar is there. And Ralof. And Ulfric.

Ulfric is on the floor with her. Kneeling beside her as she gasps and tears turn her white gold face into wet porcelain. Kneeling beside her as if the elf wasn't going to sell Ulfric and everything they'd worked for to the Thalmor!

Yrsarald strains against Galmar and Ralof. He grits his teeth.

"She's Thalmor!"

Galmar stills. Ralof pales. Ulfric's head is bowed. She isn't making any noise but she struggles to breathe and it's tearing Yrsarald apart and enraging him all at once.

"I know."

And with those words, Yrsarald questions everything he ever knew about Ulfric Stormcloak. Ulfric knew she was a Thalmor spy? Was he coming to stop her – but . . .

Then Ulfric is lifting Leara from the ground, helping her to her feet, and it's too gentle for a King about to arrest an enemy.

Her hands are grasping Ulfric's arm, her eyes wide. Ulfric's face is drawn.

"We will discuss this later."

And he walks out with her. And the elf is free. And Yrsarald doesn't understand.

And then Galmar speaks:

"What in Oblivion did you do?!"

Yrsarald . . . doesn't know anymore.

What he learns later is more than he could stomach. Leara was a member of the Thalmor and she was a member of the Blades before that, and during the war, she smuggled information from the Dominion to the Blades intelligence networks and then defected while smuggling Ulfric Stormcloak from captivity.

He's nauseous when Ralof tells him this. Respectful Ralof – save this time there's steel in his eyes and disdain in his voice.

Yrsarald realizes he deserves that.

Later, when she finds him at Candlehearth, drinking his weight in ale, he realizes he does not deserve the understanding and forgiveness and the self-loathing in her face.

"I know why you did what you did. I can't fault you for it, not when I could've sold your Jarl and cause out to the Dominion. But I–"

Leara's eyes trail off.

"I'm sorry."

He chokes out the words. Her eyes slip back. She was far away.

"I think it's for the best if we're not alone together anymore."

Then she's gone.

Yrsarald buys another round.

The next day, Galmar says Ulfric wants him in the Pale. Far away from the Dragonborn goes unspoken between them.

Yrsarald goes. Ulfric's face is hard when he bids Yrsarald goodbye. The Jarl is not as easily forgiving as the Dragonborn.

Yrsarald is in the Pale when, a month later, news comes that the Dragonborn is handling an armistice in Whiterun. Skyrim divided. What was she thinking? She's thinking for Skyrim, Yrsarald realizes. That's all she's thought about this entire time.

It's a year before he returns to the Eastern capital of Windhelm, and only then, it's because the High King is getting married.

Yrsarald sees her. He doesn't stay long after that.

After all, Ulfric would protect her. Had protected her. Even from Yrsarald.

He could live with that.

#thrice pierced/roseblade hurts actually like i am LEGIT hurt #i mean i actually made my fren CRY 😭#YRSARALD! SHE WAS ALMOST THERE AND THEN YOU THREW HER ON THE GROUND AND SCREAMED IN HER FACE #if he hadn't been an idiot they would've held hands #Or rather #his hand would've been on the table and she'd have put hers on his and done this cute quirky thing with her mouth and he'd have stared at i #skyrim #me at Yrsarald: Marny could've been YOUR SON! Kyneiren could've been YOUR DAUGHTER! You could've had ICE CREAM with Leara all the time!#BUT YOU HAD TO GO AND CHOKE HER ON THE FLOOR AND MAKE HER CRY #You could've bought her MORE apple tarts and she would've actually thanked YOU instead of thinking they came from some other guy!#but ulfric really said check mate and got the firl #yrsarald you dumb LOSER #anyway #rosecloak #FOREVER #oc: leara roseblade #ulfric stormcloak #yrsarald thrice pierced #windhelm #tes #the elder scrolls #ralof #galmar stone fist #last dragonborn #mod post #the ship name is very telling #pierced rose

26 notes · View notes