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jasonrae117 · 4 years

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Night at the Wayne Casino

This is gonna be a long one, I took the advice from @bourniebna and made it longer but also making it into two parts and leaving it on a semi-cliffhanger. Thank you everyone for the support and love! Enjoy!

PART 3

Damian found himself on the third floor, a place he thought he would never be. Filled with rooms upon rooms of well equipped and private spaces for massages, mud baths, facials, and anything and everything a five-star spa could hold. He would never require the services provided here since he disliked physical contact unless it was necessary or it was self-initiated, which it typically wasn’t. Damian kept it simple with occasional handshakes or a pat on the shoulder.

When it came to women, he had been with a few. His name was enough by itself to get him laid easily, and where that wasn’t enough, his physique helped greatly. Anything that wasn’t strictly helpful to his endgame seemed inefficient and he always strived for maximum efficiency.

Here he was crossing the threshold to the Wonder Spa, a highly rated and regarded spa for ultimate luxury and innovation in experiences. He approached the reception desk where the two top ranked masseuses and overall spa managers sat preparing their completely packed schedules for the day, Cassandra ‘Cassie’ Sandsmark and Stephanie Brown.

Stephanie looked up from her tablet and a bright smile graced her face. “Damian Wayne? I never thought I’d see the day where you came to the spa!” Beside Stephanie, Cassandra perked up, eyes widened and mouth opened in excitement.

“Oh wow! Stress built up that much? We do have a full appointment schedule but we can squeeze you in.” Damian’s face remained the same, with a bored expression waiting out their excitement. He didn’t dislike the two employees, but they tended to be too peppy and care more about gossip and people’s personal lives, specifically his and whether or not it contained a girl. It was very tiresome and he currently didn't have the time nor was in the mood for their antics.

“Didn’t you say the spa was for weak patsies that like to hand over ridiculous sums of money for frivolous treatments?” Cassie thoughtfully brought a finger to her chin.

“No, I think it was that the spa was a bloodthirsty capitalistic vampire sucking money from dim-witted fools that think worthless products and services will actually make them look or feel better when in reality their lives were already a waste.” Stephanie’s eyes searching the ceiling for his quote. They both broke out in laughter and faced him again when they had calmed down.

He hadn’t moved an inch and he tried to remain calm but the overly floral scents and the girl’s mocking were grating on his nerves.

Cassie placed her tablet on the desk and rested her chin on her palm as she looked back up at him. “So really, to what do we owe the pleasure?”

Damian let out a small breath and mentally counted to ten. “Yesterday a woman had possibly come here and I want any information you have on her.”

Cassie and Stephanie exchanged glances before focusing on him again. Stephanie rolled her eyes and began typing on her tablet. “Is this about Raven? What is it with all you boys?”

Damian couldn’t help the shock that appeared on his face. “How did you-”

“Oh, that one that Tim sent! God, she was gorgeous!” Cassie practically bounced in her seat.

“Yeah she is. Her skin was incredibly smooth. Cassie’s skin is pretty perfect, but this woman’s was literally flawless. I mean, it’s insane with her skin tone, no freckles or blemishes, just absolutely stunning skin.” Damian tried to fight the heat that rose to his face remembering how remarkable she looked coming out of the pool and the tiny droplets that rolled down her smooth curves, luckily Stephanie turned back to her friend, “I asked her what products she uses and what her routine is, you know what she said? She said she just washes it with some drugstore face wash and that’s it. She said she drinks a lot of water too. Luck and good genes I swear."

"Perfect skin, gorgeous, and that body! I'm pretty stacked, but her ass! I'm literally jealous. That's why all the boys are crazy about her." Cassie shrugged and leaned back.

"Sandsmark, Brown! I'm here on official business. What's this about 'all the boys'? Who else is discussing her?" Damian crossed his arms and felt his irritation coming to a peak.

"Oh my gosh! Do you have the hots for her too! First Jason, then Tim. I liked her too but you boys are wild. I wish I got this much attention."

"Brown, focus. How did you know I was talking about Miss Roth?"

"Like I was saying, Jason hung out with us after we all got off and he wouldn't shut up about the 'hot girl that dissed him'..."

"Oh, I loved when she told him that he was a..what was it?" Cassie then snapped her fingers. "A delusional cockalorum who thinks boyish tricks will woo a woman that has even the tiniest bit of self worth and respect. He didn't even know what that meant!" She burst out into another round of laughter.

"You had to look it up too!" Stephanie shook her head giggling at the memory. Her eyes caught the glare Damian's was sending and she cleared her throat. "Anyway… yesterday a woman, Raven, came in with Tim's employee discount card. She was very nervous, but naturally we were curious because it's Tim's card. She told us what happened and we sent her to change so that we could call Tim. He confirmed everything and told us to give her the works and put it on a tab for him."

Cassie was nodding to the story and jumped in. "We thought this girl must be special and were curious so during her treatments we got to talking. She told us her point of view from the Jason situation and we bonded over horror stories of men hitting on us." She smiled fondly.

"She was actually really nice and tried to pay for the services but clearly we couldn't let her. She snuck a three hundred dollar tip into our drawer though. Literally one of the best clients we had. Then Tim swung by and asked her to dinner and walked her out of here. After that we don't know. We invited her to go to a club with us on Friday because she seemed so cool, but she's leaving on Tuesday." Stephanie huffed and brought her attention back to the tablet.

"She didn't say anything about why she's here by herself?" He questioned, this trip becoming less informative and more of a nuisance than he had hoped.

Stephanie sighed loudly, eyes focused as she tried to recall the memory, "Oh, yeah. She said something about working in advertising and having to analyze the ads and products and survey something. Poor girl has to work while in Vegas, major bummer. She says she tries to work during the days and play at night. Except yesterday, she felt like she needed that."

Damian processed this new data. Stephanie's information regarding Raven's occupation matched with what Tim had found on her. That would usually be a point in her favor, but if she was as crafty and smart as Damian suspected her to be, then she could have easily set up an almost alter ego that checks out and have her backstory memorized. Her good looks probably swaying prying minds from digging deeper. No matter, he wasn't so easily duped.

"I don't blame her...Now the only question that remains, is why do you care Damian?" Cassie looked suspicious and leaned slightly forward.

"She is a suspect in the casino. We don't have hard proof but something doesn't sit well with me when it comes to her."

"Maybe because Tim swooped in before you could." Stephanie mumbled under her breath.

Damian scoffed at the remark "Enough. That is all I wanted. Now proceed with your opening procedures." He nodded farewell to them and began toward the exit.

"She asked about you…" Cassie looked at her nails acting nonchalant.

He quickly snapped around, his full attention on Cassie. "What did you tell her? Why did she want to know?" His eyes narrowed.

"Calm down. We talked about Tim and she said that she ran into you a few times and said it seemed like you were always near her. We told her that you're the head of security and take it too seriously, like an assassin traveling by shadows waiting for someone to break a rule so you can strike. It got a pretty good laugh."

"Yeah but the best part is how she described you. If she didn't accept Tim's dinner invite, I swear she'd be ready to jump your bones..or uh bone." Stephanie dramatically winked at him and they began to giggle again.

Damian kept his face stern but found it hard to swallow. He wanted to ask what Raven has said about him, but he feared it may unintentionally come across as sexually interested rather than a desire to know all information in an objective manner for the sake of the case. But perhaps he was a bit...interested. Not that he would ever admit it out loud.

"Great. Did either of you think it might be unwise to divulge the status of all our employees to a stranger that may be trying to con our casino or worse? Or perhaps, you just want to hand her a key card so she can just as easily access it all by herself."

Stephanie rubbed at her temple and loosened her grip on the tablet, her words trying to coax him to a more manageable level of irritation,"Damian, relax. It's not hard to figure out that you're some big bad security for the casino. You literally stare people down and nothing else all day. You don't even try to blend in. She seemed to meet a bunch of us by accident or by everyone else's own will. It's not like she's seeking all of us out. I think you need to let it go or get laid or-"

"And I think this is why you weren't given a position on the security team and instead washed up here as a servant to drunk simpletons." His words spewed out like venom as he scowled at her.

"Ok, I think we've done our part in your stupid investigation. We have actual work to do." Cassie stood up and placed her hands on her hips.

"Tt. Then I suggest you get to it and try not to gossip or discuss our business with clients." He growled out and turned on his heel.

"Ay ay captain." Cassie saluted with a roll of her eyes.

Damian left the spa more frustrated than he went in. No matter how attractive she was, he wouldn't let her get to him. He had two and a half days to catch her and prove himself.

Raven was a slippery snake and she was able to wiggle her way out of suspicion with everyone else, but not him.

Damian groaned as he started to feel a headache coming on. He made it back down to the first floor of the casino and was about to start patrolling before he remembered it was his day off. If it were up to him, he wouldn't take one. Criminals didn't take days off but his father insisted due to laws regarding the matter.

He just had to stay away from Jon and Richard since they'd be the first to call him out and force him to leave. He couldn't actively patrol but he could visit his coworker in the security room, picking up his notebook he had 'accidentally' left behind.

He had to keep tabs on Raven if he wanted to get a step ahead of her. His talk within the spa proved almost useless except finding out that she was interested in him, in possibly more ways than one. Damian shook the thought from his head. That's what she wants me to think. He climbed the stairs to the second floor and looked across the large room to the hallway where the security room was located.

He would have proceeded normally had it not been for the two figures draped over each other tangled in a heated kiss. His primal instinct was to sprint over to them and yank Tim off of Raven and throw him as far away as he could, and lead Raven away to where they'd be alone. He shut his eyes as tightly as he could cutting off that train of thought. After a deep breath he refocused on the pair.

Tim had her pinned against the wall and his hands were roaming over her navy lace dress. Fuck, why did she have so many sexy dresses and why did they have to look THAT good on her? His jaw tightened as her hands curled in Tim's hair pulling him closer. Tim brought his mouth to her neck and Damian almost lost it when his hand slid to the curve of her ass.

He immediately began to head over as soon as Tim pulled out his key card and inserted it in the lock, clumsily pressing his finger on the scanner until it clicked open for him. Damian watched as Tim pulled Raven inside and although he couldn't hear past the noise of the music and sounds of the slot machines, he was sure she let out a surprised gasp. He cleared the space slower than he would have liked, but he couldn't exactly plow through everyone that got in his way.

He stopped as he reached the door and flushed when he heard a moan that definitely came from the woman within. He couldn't take it. Not only was he not the biggest fan of Tim Drake, he was harboring a suspect, while on duty, in an authorized personnel only area. He was a bit scared of what he might walk into but that was his woman in there...his wanted woman...fuck, his suspect. He slammed his card in and held his thumb to the scanner and he was quickly granted access.

His face was crimson with the rage that filled him and his fists were clenched. Suddenly though, the red in his face went from being caused by his anger to being caused by the sight in front of him.

Raven was in nothing but black lacy panties, a matching bra, and thigh high stockings held up by a garter belt. Her ivory skin shone brightly through the lace and the blush on her cheeks added to the look. Her swollen lips were parted and her head was thrown back as Tim was in the process of kissing down her chest as one of her bra straps hung off her shoulder. She was sitting on the desk with all the papers pushed aside and Tim between her legs with his own shirt unbuttoned.

Damian was shocked at how quickly they had moved in the relatively short time it had taken him to cross the casino floor, but in reality it was only one piece of clothing missing.

Taking one last look at her and committing it to memory, Damian steeled his resolve and regained his stiff posture and his menacing glare. "What the hell are you doing Drake!"

"Fuck!" Tim broke away from her and Raven yelped and covered herself, climbing off the desk. "Shit Damian, what the fuck are you doing?"

"I asked you that and I have yet to be given an answer!" His voice began to raise in volume.

"Can we talk about it in a second." Tim began smoothing his hair and attempted to straighten his clothes.

"Why the hell is there a guest in the security room and why are you trying to fuck her on company property on company time!"

Damian noticed Raven slowly bending down to reclaim her dress without exposing herself further. Damian scoffed and turned around giving her a small bit of privacy. He heard the shuffle of fabric and she quietly cleared her throat.

He turned back around and narrowed his eyes at the woman whose face was now bright red with embarrassment. "I should...uh..go. I'm sorry, really." She had stepped closer to him and licked her lips uncomfortably. "It's my fault. It won't happen again. Uh..thank you?" She shyly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and slipped past him.

Once she was gone, Damian turned his attention back to Tim who had just finished buttoning up his shirt. Tim held out his hands in surrender. "I know. Trust me, I know it all. I'll report myself. I wasn't thinking and I compromised our security. Although nothing actually happened thanks to you. And I don't mean to be snarky about it, I know that I probably wouldn't have stopped myself at all. But it's not her fault. So please don't turn this into one of your theories about her. I take full responsibility."

"You disgust me Drake. Can't even control your urges when it comes to your job. You'll be lucky if you even have one tomorrow. If it wasn't close to prime time and short notice, I'd dismiss you right now." Damian stood tall and crossed his arms, staring Tim down.

Tim took in a deep breath and released it slowly as he plopped into the computer chair. "Noted. I..um..think I've wasted enough time. I'll get started on the report and do a few sweeps of the casino." He didn't look Damian in the eye and pulled up to the desk, a blush rising to his cheeks while he rearranged the papers that had been strewn about.

"Good, about time you take your job seriously. Although a bit too late in my opinion." He watched as Tim's movements stilled and his fists clenched. He didn't make a move though, it would be futile. Damian let out a small laugh before exiting the office.

He began planning his next move to get more information on Raven that didn't involve her revealing more skin. Although he enjoyed what he saw, it distracted him and that wasn't good for his mission. A cheery voice broke his thoughts as he was crossing the casino floor.

"Hey Damian." Jon walked up to him a look of concern overlaying his usual happy demeanor. "I saw Raven fleeing from here." Great, was everyone on a first name basis with his number one target? "You didn't terrorize her with an interrogation without me, did you?" He playfully nudged his shoulder and added a chuckle trying to mask the seriousness of his question.

"No, Jon. I just caught Drake almost fucking her in the security room."

"Oh. Tough break…" Damian scowled at him. "I mean, wow unbelievable. So, what's your next move?"

"You all are infuriating. Could, at least you, stop implying that I'm trying to court our top suspect?" Damian began walking toward the elevator with Jon following right beside him.

"I would if you quit acting like it. She's hot, and I guess intelligent according to you, and she has the record for a woman, hell anyone, holding your attention this long without you losing interest." Damian was about to open his mouth to respond but Jon cut him off once more. "I'm only saying this because I care about you, as your best and only friend. It would do you some good to relax and actually stop working for once. The rest of us can handle a day without you, you gotta trust us."

"How can I trust the man that brought a potential criminal into our security office?"

Jon hesitated and paused to find the right words. "I'm not saying it was ok, but you know he hasn't been the only one to do it. Yes, you were pissed then and it wasn't the security office per se, but I think you're taking this a little more to heart because of whom it entails."

"A criminal!"

"A very attractive woman that has the unfortunate burden of once being labeled as a suspect and then having you get attached in that mindset. Maybe the situation with Tim spooked her, and you can finally try to talk to her as Damian and not as head of security?" Jon looked pleadingly at him as Damian hit the button to call the elevator.

"You all may think she's innocent, but I don't. Perhaps I am a bit attracted to her, but unlike Drake, I am professional and can contain myself around women."

Jon rolled his eyes and Damian stepped into the elevator. "Ok, well you go actually take the night off and contain yourself at the rooftop party tonight." He winked at him just before the door slid close.

Rooftop party...that's where she'll be. This is why Jon was tolerable enough to be his friend. Damian made his way to his suite a few floors down from where he was headed later that night. He would attend as regular Damian Wayne, but that didn't mean that his head of security side couldn't be 'undercover'.

If he wanted to catch her, he knew he had to go at it by himself, everyone else had been compromised. Tonight was the night he was sure he'd get lucky.

#Damian Wayne #raven x damian #demonbirds #damirae #raven #raven roth #timrae #Tim Drake #night at the wayne casino #casino au #the next part is gonna be wild

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xueyangs-pinky-finger · 3 years

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oh so i watched cats yesterday...

first of all, we had to pay $16.50 for it bc it’s not available to rent anywhere bc they know this is the kinda thing people only wanna watch one time, so that’s already pretty vomit-inducing...

and you expect the cats to look awful and they do but it’s bad for so many other reasons?? it just fails in every way imaginable...

they didn’t seem to give any thought to the scale of the cats; they’re way too tiny in comparison to the people items we see them with, and the mice are then somehow way smaller to the point where they’re the size of like one cat finger?? and the cockroaches are the same size as the mice?? and that ridiculous ratio isn’t even consistent, like the props and everything are just all over the place. (how come ian mckellen’s coat had such large buttons? they can make cat-sized shoes, but not buttons? not to mention they’re still way too small to be human-sized buttons, so again, the inconsistent scaling... who makes the clothes for cats? why do some cats wear clothes inconsistently but others don’t wear clothes at all? taylor swift was completely naked except for a pair of high heels... why make a cat wear heels... have you ever met a cat! they hate wearing clothes, but shoes are even worse. not to mention she only wore them on her feet and not her hands. why do all these cats walk around on two legs, but then suddenly crawl at random times? why did that one cat hand that magician cat his hat with her mouth when she has two perfectly good hands and the cats have all been using their furless human hands to do things for the entirety of the movie??)

... nor did they seem to give any thought to how catlike these “cats” would be. in fact, it rly seemed like no one on the production crew or in the cast had ever had a cat before. or even interacted with one. or even seen one. which i know isn’t true for taylor at least, so what the hell? the way they moved veered between just regular-ass humans walking on two legs and doing ballet and shit (and do not get me started on the hiphop sequence, dear god, their animated legs moving... 🤢), and spider-man climbing up a wall only they were on the ground. neither made sense, neither were catlike. and why did some cats wear random clothing items while others wore none? some wore just shoes... jennifer or someone wore both a coat and something underneath it with neither covering her boobs at one point, so... what was the point of that outfit? what’s it doing for you at that point? and how come they didn’t give more cats colored contacts or cgi eyes?? only idris elba had cool green eyes, and everyone else just had regular human eyes, mostly just brown. i have three cats, and none of them have brown eyes. in fact, i just looked it up, and no cats have brown or black eyes. and i’m pretty sure miss white kitty victoria should have blue eyes~ (if they were blue, it wasn’t noticeable. idris elba’s eyes were an obvious, intense, clearly fake green, and i wanted more of that honestly.)

it’s so gross in multiple definitions of the word? firstly, there’s the trash scene, which... was just way grosser than it needed to be. & there’s rebel wilson eating human cockroaches, which was also very upsetting to watch and to hear the crunch,,, and the other aspect of it is the sexual energy?? which was just ever-present between every combination of characters, and actually left me confused as to who the main ship (🤮) was supposed to be for a while. why... dear god why... what the fuck were they insinuating lapping up milk in jason derulo’s number in the context of all the girls liking him...

oh that’s another thing. they made sir ian mckellen lap up water or something out of a bowl. it was completely unnecessary and added nothing to the story... so that was A Choice.

twice they had rebel wilson unzip her fucking skin to reveal a show biz outfit underneath, which is horrific enough on its own, but the way there was a huge gap between her chest and the boob cups of her dress?? it’s like okay... you already just let all the female cats have boobs and walk around naked for the entirety of the movie. but letting rebel fill in a dress is too much? that’s where you draw the line?? maybe don’t give her a dress with boob cups then!! it’s just sticking out in front of her and it looked awful... lol speaking of awful. the way they edited their ears through their hats... i’ve seen better work done in catboy edits on tumblr. and if y’all can’t do it then maybe just don’t. just consider not. doing that. it’s like they kept writing themselves into corners or not thinking things through or something. when will you learn that your actions have consequences!!!

they only had the cats show affection one way, and that was by like rubbing their faces together, and i know they did that in the musical too but god it just makes me so uncomfortable... i’d rather they just straight-up made out with their disturbingly human mouths. but it was rly confusing bc you’d see the “main” character victoria do that with her love interest (who was perhaps the most ugly hybrid... he didn’t even look like a human or a cat; he invented a new category and hopefully is the only one in that category forever), so you’re like ‘ok, this is how cats kiss’ or something. but they all do it. victoria did the same thing with dame judi dench! (i rly thought this movie was just gonna end with a big ole orgy, honestly.) so it’s not kissing, it’s more like hugging? but then we literally saw two cats hug each other with their human arms at one point i’m pretty sure... so wtf?!

jennifer hudson always had snot on her face?? like her nose was running, a lot of the time the snot would actually be on her lips, like... that’s the only way they could think of to show her emotions?? sometimes they weren’t even tears, it was literally Just Snot.

the songs weren’t fun at all. they were completely devoid of energy, so to have everyone dance to them didn’t even work or make sense. they’d pause in the middle of songs a lot (e.g. to make jokes about james corden being fat wow so funny hahaha) and ruin any momentum they might’ve otherwise had. a lot of the time they weren’t even singing so much as talking or whispering or chanting with a faint bgm playing over it.

the fatphobia, oh my god. rebel wilson and james corden’s characters only existed for the movie to make jokes about them being fat and eating a lot and have them do awful slapstick.

the main character had no personality at all and didn’t even have her all-important cat name at the end of the movie, which rly shows how much she mattered... yeah she got jennifer hudson sent up into the heavens to either be reborn or just fucking die up there bc how would they know this process actually works? but that’s it. otherwise she just got swept from side character to side character and adapted whatever traits they possessed for the duration of their song.

not only were all the cats way too sexual (i rly think watching actual straight-up porn would be less graphic and disturbing than watching whatever gross fetish this movie exists to cater to), not only did they seemingly make a cum joke (that was the only time they drank milk in the movie! when they were all trying to get with jason derulo! who, btw, is just a nasty person which made it all the more gross to watch), they also... slut-shamed jennifer hudson? and all did drugs, some against their will, in another very uncomfortable, sexually charged sequence. so like what is this movie rated actually and who is it for?? why make a children’s movie with such adult themes? but then, what adult would laugh at james corden being too heavy to get catapulted into the air (followed by him landing on his balls, because humor!)?

taylor swift can’t do a british accent.

lastly, cats have eight nipples. so, to loosely quote danny gonzalez: if you’re gonna give them boobs, at least give them the right amount of boobs.

thus ends my review. please don’t watch this dumpster fire.

(i think this gif clearly shows many of the problems i had with this movie... the sexual energy, the boob cups and shitty cgi, jason derulo... dear god make it stop.)

#sorry for this impromptu movie review but i can’t not share my thoughts on what i just witnessed...#long post #cats (2019)#my posts #text posts #january 2021 #also yes i am clearly late to the party but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#would also like to add that i find it very disturbing that macavity has apparently broken EVERY HUMAN LAW?!#which means that cat’s done some real fucked up shit...#imma be real generous and pretend i didn’t see that one cat do a fucking hand heart

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thathalloweengal · 5 years

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Christmas Eve at Wayne Manor (fanfic)

Bruce Wayne threw another log on the fire, it crackled angrily at him but its warmth soothed his weary bones. It was Christmas Eve and the newly renovated Wayne Manor had been decorated thoroughly, bright red and gold tinsel was draped from the oak staircase, a massive fern tree stood tall in the lounge and hundreds of tiny multicolored lights were hanging everywhere. The coffee table even had freshly baked cookies on it, still warm from the oven and spreading the smell of cinnamon throughout the house.

Bruce had one hell of a night, some idiot with powers called Gentleman Ghost decided to hold Mayor Grange and some city council members to ransom. When Bruce got the call it seemed like a cake walk but he didn't expect some damn councilman to be in on it. One maniac in a pig mask, two stab wounds and a pair of bruised ribs later, Bruce felt far older than he was. Ten years ago he would have been ready for them. The two newcomers to Gotham would have been taken down by what onlookers would only be able to describe as some kind of Bat demon, instead of that fifty year old playing dress up with kevlar.

"A dollar for your thoughts, Master Wayne?"

Not for the first time in his career, Alfred Pennyworth cut through Bruce's self criticism.

"Maybe when I was a kid, my thoughts are a little more expensive now"

"Damn inflation rates" Alfred sighed, sitting down in a nearby recliner and nursing a glass of what was probably cognac

"The guests should be arriving shortly" Alfred said after a moment

"Yeah they should be, you did a great job with all this by the way" Bruce nodded at the decorations and the tree

"Thank you sir, between being tactical support and stitching up near fatal wounds, I too believe that my calling lies in holiday planning"

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"Unfortunately I did not have the time but Mr. Allen thankfully stepped into my shoes"

"That kid's got a lot of heart" Bruce smiled

"Makes one remember brighter Christmases, doesn't it? I just wish he'd stop calling me Elfred"

"I always wanted you to have an irritating nickname" Bruce giggled

"Well bully for you sir, I suppose you are absolutely elated with Master Allen's choice for you?"

The look of confusion on Bruce's face prompted Alfred's reply "Bat Dad"

Bruce grimaced on the outside but deep down kept a slight warm feeling of contentment to himself, it had been a long time since anyone thought of him as a father figure.

"Any luck finding Curry?" Bruce asked

"Won't answer any communications but satellites have pinpointed him in a large stretch of ocean, near where the legendary city of Atlantis was once alleged to stand"

"More turkey for us" Bruce dismissed

A bolt of blue lightning sped into the room, carrying Barry Allen along it, he was wearing a sweater with a half eaten gingerbread man on it.

"Speaking of turkey, I don't know if you guys know this but I'm a vegetarian"

"Your dietary needs have already been catered for, Mr. Allen"

"You're awesome, Elfred"

Alfred rolled his eyes and took a long sip of cognac. Bruce decided to give his old friend a break from the young speedster by bringing back a Wayne family tradition.

"Barry, would you mind heading over to the cave and picking up the package beside the car?"

"The Batmobile?" Barry beamed

"The Batmobile" Bruce confirmed with a reassuring smile

Barry was gone in a flash, back into his blue lightning and out of the room. A few moments later he reappeared with a large crate as tall as he was, it had his lightning symbol on it.

"What is this?" Barry asked, slightly concerned

"Only one way to find out"

Barry raced around the crate, unbuckling straps and somehow removing screws, before finally removing the cover. Inside was a new costume, something that Bruce had his company create as a gift to Barry. Its design was much more refined than the current costume and had cutting edge Wayne Tech inside.

"Early present" Bruce explained

In the blink of an eye, Barry changed into the costume. It looked impressive on him, more like high tech armor than something someone had lovingly thrown together from NASA's dumpster. It's finish was a darker shade of red than Barry had previously sported and small holographic displays were already updating him on crimes around the city.

"Holy crap, this is so cool"

Barry superspeeded Bruce into a hug before saying something that sounded like:

"I'mGonnaTakeItForATestRunThanksBatDad"

Another blink and the blue lightning had once more carried Barry out of the room and through the front doors. Alfred smirked.

"That should keep him busy for at least a few minutes"

"Been getting under your feet?"

"Like you wouldn't believe, you are aware that he moved in upstairs?"

"Who do you think gave him the room"

Alfred chuckled a little before becoming a little more reserved.

"Does he know about the..."

Bruce cut Alfred off, immediately shaking his head, a matter of importance lay in the air between them.

"I wanted everyone to know" Bruce said softly "I'll tell them tonight"

Three knocks at the front door cut through their conversation.

"More of your unruly children, I think" Alfred grinned

Bruce got to his feet as Alfred topped up his cognac with a bottle from a nearby cabinet. Bruce pulled a massive door open to be greeted by a gust of cold wind, Clark Kent, Martha Kent and Lois Lane. Bruce took their coats and led them over to a sofa. He poured Lois and Martha drinks from the cabinet, Clark asked if he could get some hot cocoa instead, which Alfred kindly obliged, rising from his recliner and making his way into the kitchen.

"How's Perry doing?" Bruce asked, Lois and Clark's boss was an old acquaintance of his

"Same as always this time of year" Lois answered, taking a sip of her beverage "Santa hat on, singing Christmas songs older than the building, it's adorable"

"He's also very generous" Martha added

"But only to this one" Lois squeezed Clark's hand "He got the highest bonus that Perry has ever given anyone"

Bruce raised an eyebrow and Clark blushed.

"I don't think our cover story of how Clark Kent and Superman died around the same time and came back around the same time but definitely aren't the same person washes with Perry"

"He's too good of a reporter" Bruce replied

"We talking about the same Perry White that buries stories because they're too quote un quote invigorating for our readers" Clark spoke up

"Well he used to be a good reporter" Bruce said sheepishly "He rumbled me as the Bat a couple of days after he met me for an interview"

"How did you handle that?"

"Ever wonder how the Planet stays afloat despite hemorrhaging subscriptions and sales?"

The two reporters froze, no doubt wondering if Perry was blackmailing him or if Bruce was lying. It was unlikely that they knew they were talking to the secret owner of the Daily Planet.

Another knock to the door provided Bruce with the perfect moment to leave the three. Opening the door, once more, he found Diana arm in arm with a woman who must've been at least seven feet tall, they were both wearing stunning dresses. Bruce showed them inside and over to the Kents. Diana explained that her companion was called Mala, she was an Amazon and had just been exiled from their Island. They went back a very long time together and were now picking up their relationship.

Bruce had never seen Diana so happy, she was absolutely gleaming with joy, holding her partner's hand and joining in with the rest of them laughing at Clark's hot cocoa mustache.

A flash of blue lightning returned to the room, dropping off Victor Stone and Victor's father Silas.

"Look who I found outside" Barry announced, trying to hide his broken holographic displays and partially destroyed costume from Bruce

With one more flash, Barry changed back into his gingerbread man sweater and jeans. Bruce made a mental note to ask him about his misadventure later, but for the time being simply hugged Victor and shook Silas's hand, before pouring them out drinks.

The holiday party started well enough, Barry and Victor were talking about video games, Lois and Clark were sharing incredible "How we met" stories with Diana and Mala, and the sounds of jingle bell rock played throughout the old house. Bruce hadn't seen it this alive and full of love since his parents were there.

Bruce felt himself slipping into the past, he could almost hear his father telling him that he could open one present early. Feeling a little overcome with emotion, Bruce put on his coat and stepped outside for a breath of fresh air and to calm his nerves.

Bruce wanted nothing more than to be back inside, be with this new family he had helped create, but he knew that he would have to leave them soon enough. Why prolong the inevitable. Over the last five years, he had been through a lot, both mentally and physically. Jason's death, the fallout from the battle of Metropolis, his obsessive crusade against Clark and all of the guilt that followed after. Even helping to kill monsters like Luthor's creature and Steppenwolf didn't alleviate the demons and the damage inside Bruce.

The situation was made even worse by the fact that In the last couple of years Bruce found himself having nightmares, very real feeling nightmares. They'd always start differently, sometimes on a ruined Earth with soldiers wearing Superman's symbol, other times in an alley with Bruce himself snapping the Joker's neck. These dreams would have him being captured or buried alive or even breathing in the Joker's poison. They always ended the same way, regardless of if it was Clark, Joker or some mad man claiming to be his own father, Bruce would always be too slow, too beat up, too arrogant, Bruce always died.

Before he woke from these dreams though, Bruce would have a vision of Barry. Not the Barry currently in Wayne Manor, dancing terribly to the music of George Michael but an older, more tired looking Barry. He always gave advice and warnings before leaving. Advice that had helped calm Clark when he was brought back to life. He told Bruce that Lois was the key, had he not done that, Bruce expected things would have gone much worse than they did. Occasionally Barry yelled about being in the middle of a Crisis, about needing to correct something called a fractured timeline and told Bruce to be prepared for worse days to come.

These dreams and every night he patrolled Gotham convinced Bruce that he was seriously incapable of dealing with whatever the future held. Tomorrow as his friends celebrated, he would be on a plane to a city called Nanda Parbat, where he would seek the mythical Lazarus Pit it was infamous for. He hoped that it could heal his body and purge his soul of the pain that weighed him down.

Most people who looked for the Pit died climbing the mountain that hid the city, those who survived disappeared, never to be heard from again. That didn't put Bruce off however, he had inside information that the Pit lay somewhere within the palace of the Sensai, the ancient leader of Nanda Parbat. Bruce's only problems were getting to it through an entire league of assassins and any side effects the Pit might cause him. The only person he knew who had done this before wasn't exactly the picture of sanity, of course neither was Bruce.

"Only you would brood at Christmas" teased a voice approaching him through the snow

Holding a small stack of presents, Commissioner Jim Gordon smiled comfortingly at Bruce.

"Sorry I'm late, some damn fool decided to save the Mayor and tie me up in paperwork and reporters"

"Sounds like a real hero type" Bruce replied "A billionaire playboy like myself wouldn't know anything about that"

Bruce couldn't keep a straight face, Bruce and Jim embraced and kissed. His lips were chapped and he tasted of tobacco but it was Bruce's favorite feeling. When they seperated, Jim looked like something was troubling him.

"What's wrong?" Bruce asked

"I was just wondering, will this be the last time we do that?"

"Hopefully not" Bruce said playfully but Jim looked somber

"I know that you have to go, that for you to stay fighting in a world of super crazies you need this elixir of mumbo jumbo, but I worry"

"That I'll come back different?"

"That you won't come back at all" Jim said, sadly "Bruce I care about you, I don't want you to end up dead in some snowy hell hole"

"Good thing I'm Batman then" Bruce said, taking Jim's hand in his own "One thing you can count on in Gotham, even a small time crook could tell you, when Jim Gordon stands on top of Police HQ and lights that big Signal up, the Batman comes running, might take him a while to get there but he'll always show up"

Jim looked like he was trying to suppress a smile but it quickly broke through.

"What will we do without you?"

"Oh I'm sure you'll cope for a while but just in case I did ask Dick to look in on you from time to time"

"You two are talking again?"

"I know it's a Christmas miracle" Bruce chuckled

"I'll keep your damn oversized nightlight running" Jim agreed "Might scare some superstitious cowards"

Hearing a commotion inside, Bruce and Jim glanced through one of the windows. Barry had supersped an Elf hat onto a sleeping Alfred, Diana was dancing with Martha Kent and Clark and Victor were playing Twister, though Bruce wasn't sure who brought it, Mala and Lois were refereeing.

"You going in?" Jim asked "I've always wanted to meet Superman" he grinned cheekily

"Only if you're my plus one" Bruce said, more cheesily than he had originally hoped

Bruce walked back into Wayne Manor, Jim close by his side. Bruce had no idea what Nanda Parbat would do to him but for now at least he was content sipping tea, giving presents and sharing this night with the people he cared for most.

#Batman #Bruce Wayne #Christmas Eve #Barry Allen #The Flash #Alfred Pennyworth #Christmas #DCEU #Worlds of DC #Superman #Wonder Woman #Jim Gordon

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transboygenius · 5 years

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SE4SON: Chapter 22

"Butterscotch?"

The mysterious white horse, or might we say "unicorn," strangely resembled the horse that died off of the bridge. And this horse seemingly came to their rescue, as if it actually knew them. To make sure this was the same stallion, Diana decided to play a test that only the real Butterscotch could pass. She took out a piece of unwrapped candy, literal butterscotch, and thrusted her hand in the majestic horse's direction. Nick and Jimmy were quite mesmerized, seeing a live unicorn in the flesh. Curious, the horse walked towards the candy, with its body illuminating the darkness. The horse sniffed at the candy, then scooped it up with its tongue. It began chewing, only to then realize it hated the taste. The horse spat the butterscotch right out.

"BUTTERSCOTCH! IT'S REALLY YOU, OLD FRIEND!"

Diana ran towards the stallion to hug him.

"You named him Butterscotch, because he hates butterscotch?" Asked Jimmy. "He had to be known for something." Replied Diana. "(And I still hate it to this day!!)” Butterscotch groaned. "Okay, this raises a lot of questions. I can't believe my eyes. I'm seeing it right now, and I still can't believe it. It's, it's a scientific miracle! But how?" "Would you believe... ...magic?" Asked Nick. "*Annoyed* Yes... I believe. I believe alright. As if I wasn't there to witness Jason conjure up some hocus-pocus. The question is where did he get the magic?"

Earlier, what everyone didn't know, as Butterscotch fell into the dark pit, he had a rough landing in a giant cauldron, full of this glittery, pink, liquid substance. The horse was barely alive. But, after a few seconds, he came out a whole new stallion! At the bottom of the pit was none other than the Wise Wizard's original laboratory, and what he just fell in was a potion the wizard himself had forgotten he'd finish. Well, the results turned out great. Since no one could speak horse, the cause of Butterscotch's revival, along with the artificial changes, remains to be unknown to the squad. Jimmy and Nick were both astonished by this enchanted discovery. The boy genius isn't one to believe in magic unless it is there in front of his eyes. King Jason was his exposure.

"What happened?! Did you really die?!" Diana questioned Butterscotch. "Have you met God? If yes, what she like?" Also, asked Rodent Girl. "Where did you get that pointy horn?" "And that glitter?" "And that eyeliner?" "And that tattoo?" "Whinnyyyyy! (Don't look at my butt!)" Whinned Butterscotch. "Wait a minute. He died? Ohhhhh, what else did I miss?!" Quote Mitzi.

Meanwhile, while everyone is gawking over Butterscotch's revival and change, Jimmy was having a little existential crisis.

"This is improbable! First Santa Claus, then magic, now UNICORNS? If these state of affairs authentically subsist, could that mean there's an afterlife to carry our demise? Is God real, and so is Satan? Am I going to heaven, or hell? OH, MURPHY'S LAW, I'M GOING TO HELL, AREN'T I?"

Nick grabbed Jimmy and shook him up and down, telling him to snap out of it.

"Thanks. I needed that." "No prob, Bob."

Mitzi then suggested they leave the dungeon immediately before anyone begins to notice the prisoners are missing. Taking her words in account, everyone took the exit out. When they reached the upper floor, there was no one in sight. The squad started to explore further, careless to consider that someone might be present in the king's domain. As they got to the main dining room, they witnessed something that will forever haunt their dreams. Everyone, who served in the king's community, were all hung from the ceiling, with their lifeless corpses dangling from nooses. Their necks even leaked blood. The squad couldn't help but stare in horror.

"Dead bodies! Swell!" Said Benson. "This is the first time I've seen corpses. ...of adults." Quote Mitzi.

The sight was a little hard on Jimmy, Nick, and Sally's innocence. Jimmy has watched explicit, graphic autopsies, but he never got exposed to a real dead body up close before. Everyone, except Rodent Girl, soon took their eyes off the corpses when they heard whimpering. Somebody, who's alive, was cowering under the table. Diana tossed a chair away and grabbed whoever's hiding under there. It was Richard. The chancellor was paralyzed being held in the arm of a 6'3 buff lady, and glared at by her unhappy friends. He could do nothing but stutter and greet "Welcome back." Rodent Girl still had her eyes glued on the hanging corpses.

"That's the king's chancellor!" Shouted Jimmy. "I was looking forward to punching Jason in his ugly mug! This tiny little man is about the closest I'll have!" Said Diana. "WAIT! Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait-wait! Please, show mercy! I'm just a poor, scared gent doing his job! I had no involvement in... *Points to the dead bodies* ...this!" Richard begged. "Involvement? What are you talking about?" Asked Mitzi.

Instead of answering, Richard handed them the global map. Jimmy took it from him. As the boy genius opened it, everyone got their eyes caught in the moving pictures. Jason carried out his entire plan in this map. They could tell this had been the work of Jason, due to the multiple castles, including gallows, popping up in every place, and who else could make the pictures on a map move like that? Jimmy showed the map to Rodent Girl, which helped take her eyes off the hanging bodies.

"Wooooooooow! Pretty!" Rodent Girl cooed. "No, it's not!" Exclaimed Jimmy. "Still! It looks so cool! So this is the TV you guys were talking about!" "Believe me, RG! This is not something you should get excited over!" "Huh? Why?"

Jimmy then clarified on why the whole process is wrong. With King Jason meddling with meteorology; tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, volcanoes, not to mention the multiple kingdom territories marked on the map, these natural disasters could put the whole Earth at risk. He is damaging the planet worse than polluters could succeed. The king has a good chance of destroying the Earth, or at least cause extinction for the human race. (Author's note: I'm not smart and I don't know sh*t about science. Sorry!) The boy genius's explanation brought Rodent Girl into a panic attack.

"You mean, it's the end of the world as we know it? No, no no! We just broke out of prison, awaiting for a death sentence! I didn't escape from living my last day only to face living my last day! There are so many places I haven't been! So many cheeses I haven't tasted! I was looking forward to getting my horse riding license, and oh my god there's the dead bodies again!"

As soon as Rodent Girl looked at the hanging bodies, she was once again glued to them.

"Care to tell us where 'your greatness' might be?" Asked Jimmy.

Richard, while shivering in fear, pointed to the giant hole in the wall. And out that hole they saw hell themselves. The sky was violet with black spiral clouds, also inhabitant with odd, bony looking fanged birds and demonic snakes with wings. On the ground, there were huge monsters, that looked like clashes between bears, gorillas, and leopards, claiming their territories and scaring the peasants. None of that was bad compared to the king himself. He was a 400 feet tall monster, with shiny red skin, golden eyes that were blank, crooked teeth, a dinosaur's tail, and was all naked (with no visible genitals btw). The only thing he was wearing was his crown, and the amulet around his neck. He was wrecking havoc on the peasants' village.

"Oh, this is ghastly! A huge, big, giant HOLE right there in the room, and we didn't even notice it?" Said Benson. "This is worse than I thought." Quote Jimmy. "And what are we gonna do now?" Asked Diana.

Jimmy took a moment to think, while the others hovered over him, except Rodent Girl and Nick. Diana realized she was still holding Richard, then tossed him over her shoulder. Nick was shaking and shivering. He looked over to the hanging bodies, then over to the hellish outside world, with the 400 feet tall Kingzilla wrecking havoc. Let's not forget that the king is also capable of manipulating phenomenal sorcery. Nick watched as the king stomp on a house, then turned a random peasant into a giant turkey leg (which tasted like chicken).

"Well, when the going gets tough, I guess we have no choice but to... ...rebel against the king!" Shouted Jimmy. "We can't do that! Otherwise you'd be hanged!" Replied Diana. "Look around you! Jason pretty much killed all his authorities, so the law is no longer in order here! Besides, there's a lot more you ought to worry about than hanging!" "*Sigh* Whatever you say, Mr. Know It All." "At last! This is what I've been waiting for!" Said Mitzi, holding up a harpoon. "Diana, you think you could fight off that thing?" Jimmy asked. "I've never fought a real monster before, but there's a first time for everything!" Replied Diana. "Mitzi; you, Benson, and Butterscotch try to evacuate the whole town, and get the citizens somewhere safe!" "You mean I'm not gonna fight the king?" Spoke Mitzi. "Rodent Girl-"

Rodent Girl was still staring at the hanged corpses. Benson picked up Rodent Girl and gave her a good shake, to help her snap out of it. Then he brought her over to Jimmy.

"Diana is gonna need some backup, so, how many rats can you summon at will? If you actually can do that." Said Jimmy.

Rodent Girl's eyes grew in excitement.

"'How many rats' you say? Oh brother, just wait till you see what I can really do!" Exclaimed Rodent Girl. "Meanwhile, me, Sally and Nick will-- Where's Nick?"

Nick was suddenly missing from the bunch. Jimmy tried calling for his name, but no response.

"Maybe he went ahead of the plan?" Benson thought. "That's probably our cue. Faithful Five! Assemble!" Diana commanded.

Jimmy tried to stop them, but it was too late. Meanwhile, the operation was already in act. Benson, Mitzi, and Butterscotch gathered as much citizens they could rally, helping them out of their homes, even the snobby higher class ones. Diana tried to keep Jason from doing anymore harm by attempting to fight him. Unfortunately, he was too big, so the best Diana could do was distract him by pulling some punches, and avoiding his attacks. Rodent Girl took care of those ugly fusion creatures by welcoming her new one billion furry friends to a feast. Jimmy felt useless at the moment, since Nick is gone. He had a very important task for both of them, involving the amulet.

Elsewhere, Nick was hiding in a wine barrel, which he emptied out first, locking himself in the alcohol cellar. Of all the risks he had to take, this is the last straw. We're talking about a 400 feet tyrant with magical powers. The same powers that landed him and his friends in jail without struggle, and the same powers that got the entire kingdom's community hanged. Nick is just too scared to face a problem like that, no matter how strong his love for Jimmy might be. He wants to live until 13, despite that the world may possibly end. Besides, Jimmy has done fine without him. He's a genius. He could probably slay that beast himself. Nick wouldn't be any help. To breaking into the king's castle, to finding the rare amulet, all Nick did was stand besides him.

..........................

"Taking out that vile beast will be a piece of cake! All you have to do is think hard, and maybe your memory will come back!" Said Sally. "What? Sally, we're not going over this again! Nick is not The Silver Knight! I'm not the Wise Wizard! I don't even believe in magic, until now, just science! You were there in the room when King Jason sniffed out the phony!" Replied Jimmy. "Nobody's nose could work good as a bloodhound's!" "As much as I hate to say this, but he does possess his own magical capacity!" "That could've been merely youth scent! Everyone smells different at a certain age! Like how old people smell like detergent and dead weeds!" "We're from the 21st century, not here! We have our own memories! I once led a whole fast food chain into the sun! One time, I celebrated my birthday eight times in a row! I have swapped heads with a hamster! How do you explain that?!" "Th-those memories could've been implanted, another side effect from your de-aging spell! What you're saying makes no sense!" "UGHHHHHH! I guess there's not much I can prove to you anymore! Why do you want to believe we are them so badly?!" "You're the only ones who can help us! You're our saviors!" "I know you're holding out for a hero, but we're not sure if the REAL Wise Wizard and Silver Knight is coming back! The whole problem is up to us to solve now!" "We need your magic! More than you think! If my words can't restore your memory, neither can my father's diary, I think I know a sure-fire way that will!"

Sally then ran out to the town. Jimmy chased after her.

"SALLY! NOT THERE! IT'S TOO DANGEROUS!"

Elsewhere, Mitzi and Benson ran along with all the people they rounded up, bringing them to the castle. The castle would be the safest place to stay, since Jason only had interest targeting the town.

"Do you think that's everyone?" Asked Mitzi. "Everyone, but the rest of the squad." Replied Benson. “I think I left my arm back at the poultry stand.” Said Albert. "Diana looks like she has her hands full out there. Are you sure we shouldn't help, Benson?" "What are you talking about? That's the great Diana! She can handle anything!" "I see, I see. *Deep sigh* Hey, where's Butterscotch?" "That silly old horse! Never could keep up with the program! He probably caught his eyes on some tenderoni mare, or is stuffing his chubby face at an apple tree! What do you think, Mitzi? Mitzi? Mitzi?"

Mitzi was suddenly gone.

"For heaven sakes! Where has that woman gone?" Benson asked himself. "Oh, she left with her harpoon after she asked where Butterscotch was!" Replied one of the young citizens. "Bloody hell. I'm really that gullible, aren't I?" "YES!" The people replied. "Excuse me! I didn't ask for your answer!"

Mitzi was running over to aid her best friend, Diana. Speaking of Diana, no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't tire out this monster. She tried pulling him down to his stomach, and stomping hard on his back. Unfortunately, she treated him to a massage instead. She tried climbing up to his head, and covering his eyes, but blinding him resulted in more disaster. Such as flinging giant daggers, and turning the border walls into a barricade made out of moving arms and hands. Lastly, she tried gripping his tail tightly, spun him around like he were in a twister, and tossed him far out over the barricade. He just teleported back in the spot of their battle.

"(I can't keep this up much longer! My strength has never failed me before!)" Diana panted. "Still up for another round? *Tsk, tsk, tsk* Foolish, woman. You should know better than to take on a man's job!" Said Jason, then flicked the heroine away.

"JASON! THIS IS THE PAY-OFF!" Shouted a high pitched, nasally voice. "Huh?! Another one?! VERMIN?!"

Rodent Girl has made a monster of her own. One made entirely out of rats, reaching up to the same height as Jason's demon form. The teen piloted all her furry friends from the inside, while facing Jason through the eye holes. In anger, Jason puffed smoke out of his nostrils. When will these misfits ever learn? And how did they escape, anyways?! The king, and the giant rat monster, went into a one-on-one wrestling match to the death.

.................................

Nick continued to hide in the cellar. It has already been 15 minutes. He thought to himself, I'm not a big help anyways. Jimmy has done more generous deeds to the Faithful Five than he has. Nick could've been hanged trespassing in the king's castle like that. He was almost near death crossing that bridge. Jimmy did most of the work. Nick only stood next to him. Well, he did help collect that quartz, build that time machine with Jimmy, and lend him some confidence. That was probably just Lady Luck. He doesn't have the courage to move out there. That's some serious business. Suddenly, he opened his eyes, and found himself in another place. ...with his dad.

"Again? You climb your way up to the top, only to plummet again? Pa-the-tic."

Nick had nothing to say. He just cornered himself against the wall, looking up at Daniel as he talks down to him. He was already afraid of his father. Nick dreamed of facing him in person, but whenever he imagines his dream becoming a reality, his heart just falls to his feet. His dad was bigger. Stronger. And scarier. Through those six years of his life, Nick was too afraid to say anything to Daniel. He always let him say what he wants about him. The tween was a pushover when it came to his father.

"You were doing such a good job, son! You could've had made me proud, son! Oh wait, I forgot. You can't! Cuz you ruined my f*cking life! And now you're bound to ruin everyone else's! This is why you don't try! Once a loser, always a loser! A small, f*ggy, loser! Kids like you deserve to die alone! As a matter of fact, maybe that's the only way you'll make me proud!"

Nick is letting his father's insults get to him. He's hiding right here while his friends are in danger. Him and Jimmy grew so close together. Once distant associates, now the bestest friends. Each day Nick spent with Jimmy on that ranch, he began to love him more and more. He even understood his problem. Nick didn't wanna tell Jimmy about his problem not because he was worried he wouldn't believe him, but because he was worried that he wouldn't care at all. Back in the twenty first century, Nick desperately tried to seek mental help anonymously. And the answers he got were "Get over it! That's in the past," "You're just sensitive. Grow up," and "It's called tough love. It is a healthy method for growing children." Jimmy didn't tell him any of those. Instead, he convinced him that he was valid, and how it isn't his fault.

Other than Jimmy, the Faithful Five were a great bunch to be around with. If only Nick has shown them a little more courtesy, but he's been hanging with the "cool guys" for too long. Nick has experienced true fun without having to compete. He was greatly insecure about his cooking talent, since it's not viewed as a macho hobby, but he was blessed to see the Faithful Five, including Jimmy, enjoy the food he prepares. Every single one of the Five are all weird in their own ways. Wacky, loony, and nuts. But you know what, they don't care how other people think of them. They are proud of who they are, and they show it! Diana likes being strong and buff, despite it "ruining" her womanly image. Benson refuses to fall victim under toxic masculinity. Rodent Girl has self-respect, even if she may look like a freak of nature. Mitzi, although harsh at first, cares about her adopted family very much. Nick wishes he could love himself like that.

All those happy times have been wasted because he's just hiding while leaving the others to die. And they have done so much for him. Jimmy may have implied that he loves him back, something Nick has always wanted. And the Faithful Five have shown him hospitality. Being trapped in the middle ages was the time of his life. He has never felt so happy in years.

"You still sitting there, f*g-boy? Why don't you just run to your room, like you usually do?"

Nick began to stand up. A sword appeared in his hands. With it, he struck the old man in the chest. Daniel fell to his knees, choking and gurgling in pain. Nick finally spoke up to him, even though it were all in his head.

"Your words don't validate your opinion. I'm so tired of you weighing me down. It's not my fault I exist. It's your fault for making me exist. Whether I may be a winner or a loser, you know what, I don't care anymore. I deserve to live life the way I want. I deserve to be happy."

Nick withdrew the sword and let the blood fly. After that, he snapped back into reality. That felt very good. It wasn't real, but it felt very good.

...............................

Rodent Girl was still fighting off the King in her giant rat suit. So far, their strengths were evenly matched. Whenever Jason tried to strike at her with punches, the rats would separate and dodge his attacks. She can hurt him, but he can't hurt her. Each time Rodent Girl would knock him to the ground, she'd always mock and taunt him. This was becoming unbearable to Jason. He is getting his clock cleaned by a teenager and her pet rats. Then, he realized... Wait a damn minute! He forgot about his magic powers. Jason pointed both fingers at the rat suit, and turned those little critters into windup toy mice. After that, Rodent Girl has met with defeat.

"Aw, rats!" Said Rodent Girl.

Jason was about to finish her off, till he got shot in the eye by a harpoon. Wailing in pain, he removed the harpoon and tossed it away. Mitzi found that her shot was ineffective, so she hid behind a house.

"WHO THREW THAT?! WHO DARES TRY TO TAKE ON KING OF THE WORLD?! SHOW YOURSELF, COWARD!"

King Jason got shot again, but this time by a cannon ball. Followed by another, and another, then a full on assault came. That was a deed done by Benson, leading an army of peasants. By each shot, the peasants would reload the cannons and fire away again. Every time a cannon ball hit Jason, he would instantly heal himself. Just as Jason was about to zap them, he got zapped himself, from magic rays fired from a unicorn's horn.

“Neighhhhh! (You don’t scare me! I’m horny!)”

It was Butterscotch, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. He decided to join in on the party as well.

"(And Diana thinks I'm a pacifist.)"

Elsewhere, Jimmy was chasing Sally down the village path, while a dangerous fight is taking place. Architecture would topple, and slow the boy genius down. Sally eventually found what she was looking for: The spot where her old home used to be. Everything was now debris, except for a single chest. Praying "thank you" to the heavens, she rushed towards it to take the item out.

Meanwhile, the king grew tired of fending off both the army and the darn unicorn. To make the task easier, he zapped at the cannons and caused them to explode. When he was about to dispose of the unicorn, something grabbed his attention. He saw Sally, holding up a painted picture frame of the Wise Wizard, Silver Knight, and her dad as a child. Something about this made Jason angry. He smacked away Butterscotch and marched towards the little girl. Jimmy, who got his cloak caught in debris, cried for Sally to run. The little girl looked up at the monster, then froze. Jason lifted up his foot over Sally, ready to stomp.

"SALLY! MOVE! MOVE!"

Nick dashed in and rescued Sally. Nick? After that, he went to help Jimmy by tearing his cloak from the debris. Huh?! Jason was about to grab the two, until Diana had returned, ready to take on the beast once more. Three of the Faithful Five cheered her on.

"Where the heck were you?!" Asked Jimmy. "I was doing a little mauling over, and I thought..." Nick replied.

Nick then grabbed Jimmy's wrist, and handcuffed them both together.

"What, Nick-" "Whatever happens, we're in this together. I promised I would be at your side at all cost. I want you to make sure I keep that promise, and not run away."

Jimmy was quite moved by Nick's sentence. He handcuffed them for a reason, and that's to make sure they stay together. Sally then interrupted the moment by showing them the painted frame. The two boys looked at it for a moment. The Silver Knight was tall, and possibly brawny under that armor. The Wise Wizard, just like as they pictured, had the same features as Jimmy. Fair skin, blue eyes, and brown hair. The little boy in the picture looked just like Sally, only with a different haircut.

"That reminds me. I have a plan!" Said Jimmy. "YOU REMEMBER!" Cheered Sally. "Uh, no. That's not it. *Turns to Nick* Nick, both of us have to touch that amulet!" "Huh?" Replied Nick. "Don't you remember what the wizard's entry said?" "Yes, but how are you sure it's gonna work? What if our relationship is just... ...average?" "Trust me. I have a hunch."

Jimmy whistled for Butterscotch, which then he arrived by response. The boy genius requested he take him and Nick close enough to Jason's chest. As a yes, the unicorn stood on his hind legs and neighed at the top of his lungs. The two boys climbed up to his back. Butterscotch moved at great speed, and leaped higher than he has before. Diana stopped to look at the majestic sight. Whenever Butterscotch galloped or jumped, a rainbow would trail behind him. The ride was a little bumpy, so the boys held onto Butterscotch tight.

"What if this doesn't work?" Asked Nick. "Well... There won't be time for a second try." Replied Jimmy, worried.

Preparing himself for the worst, Nick put his visor down. As planned, they made it close to the king's chest, and jumped off. Luckily, they had chest hair to grip onto.

"Not in my kingdom!!"

The king did not approve, and attempted to scratch at them. He missed the first time, since the boys ducked from his claws. Jason went for another go, but then, a giant noose got caught around his neck. At the end of the rope was Diana, Mitzi, Benson, Rodent Girl, Butterscotch, and Sally, trying to hold the noose down, and put King Jason in a choke. How do you like having a noose around your neck for a change?! While distracted, Jimmy and Nick started to climb their way up. It was a bit of a challenge with their handcuffs on. Nick is heavier than Jimmy, so if he falls, Jimmy goes down with him. They found themselves getting closer to the heart shaped gem on the amulet. But just as they were about to touch it, Jason tore free of the noose.

"IS THAT ANY WAY TO TREAT YOUR KING?! ALL OF YOU INFERIORS HAVE CALLED A DEATH WISH UPON YOURSELVES! I AM POWER! I AM ALMIGHTY! I AM GREATN- Ow!!!"

Rodent Girl insisted on continuing the diversion by biting Jason in the leg. Not wanting to delay any more actions, Jimmy and Nick quickly set their hands on the amulet, at the same time. As they did, a bright shiny glow occurred. That probably meant it was working. If it works, that could mean one thing.

"Jimmy?" "Yeah, Nick?" "There's something I have to tell you-"

After that glow, came a groundbreaking explosion, but none of the people below were harm by it. The king was put in sharp pain as his body began to break apart. The Faithful Five could barely catch what was going on, due to all that brightness.

#Jimmy Neutron #Boy Genius #Nick Dean #Cindy Vortex #Libby Folfax #Sheen Estevez #Carl Wheezer #Season 4 #fanfic #romance #adventure #TVverse #TVEE #Don't worry. I hasn't end yet

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networkingdefinition · 4 years

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Tees Quotes

Official Website: Tees Quotes

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• A good friend of mine took me out and had me hit off a tee. He made me understand what was my strike zone and – with my speed – the importance of making contact. So I give him a lot of credit for changing my game and making me the player I became. He showed me how to work on me and my game, and not worry about patterning myself after someone else and focusing on what they were capable of doing rather than what I was capable of doing. – Rickey Henderson • A straight factor is important in any comedy, because you need something to tee it up and also to ground it. – Jason Bateman • Aggression is part of the masculine design, we are hardwired for it…. Little girls do not invent games where large numbers of people die, where bloodshed is a prerequisite for having fun. Hockey, for example, was not a feminine creation. Nor was boxing. A boy wants to attack something – and so does a man, even if it’s only a little white ball on a tee. – John Eldredge • Also, of course, I need my Dove soap. Of course I need my cocoa butter. I need my Listerine. I need the white Jockey tees. They are really soft and comfortable. – DJ Khaled • And what do the birds say? All there is to say about a massacre, things like “Poo-tee-weet? – Kurt Vonnegut • Are you all right?” “Oh my god! I phased!” “Are you all right?” “Are you?” “It was strange.” “I can’t believe I phased just then! That’s never…it was totally your fault.” “I like to think so, yes.” “Tee hee. – Joss Whedon • At home, a T-shirt and something loose like harem pants would do. If I’m stepping out, a pair of blue jeans and a white tee are just fine. – Genelia D’Souza

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Tee', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_tee').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_tee img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); ); • Bob Hope has a beautiful short game. Unfortunately, it’s off the tee. – Jimmy Demaret • But just like I’ve always said when people complain about tee times, ‘I just want a tee time. Just give me one so I can play. – David Duval • But the bottom line is, no matter what, even if I shoot 90 tomorrow, I’m going to enjoy it. Maybe people will say “Oh, he blew it” or whatever. Maybe I’m going to blow it, it’s the first time I’ve ever been there. What do you expect? You know I’m not number one in the world. My knees are going to touch each other on the first tee tomorrow. But let me tell you, I’m going to enjoy it. – Jean van de Velde • Control is the main thing, and the tee shot is the most important shot in golf. You’ve got to hit the fairway before you have a good chance of putting the ball close to the pin. You can be the greatest iron player in the world, but if you’re in the boondocks it won’t do you any good. – Ben Hogan • Courses that you’ve had success on, all of a sudden your game turns around because you feel comfortable on your tee shots, you feel comfortable going to the greens, you know, all the reads on the putts. It’s a feeling that’s hard to describe, but it’s certainly one that you get filled up with confidence more than anything else. – Tiger Woods • Edward Abbey said you must brew your own beer; kick in you Tee Vee; kill your own beef; build your cabin and piss off the front porch whenever you bloody well feel like it. I already had a good start. As a teenager in rural Maine, after we came to America, I had learned hunting, fishing, and trapping in the wilderness. My Maine mentors had long ago taught me to make home brew. I owned a rifle, and I’d already built a log cabin. The rest should be easy. I thought I’d give it a shot. – Bernd Heinrich • Elmcrest CC, in Cedar Rapids, is where it all started when I was growing up. The tree-lined course has a very demanding layout that requires you to be accurate off the tee and avoid a number of well-placed water hazards on some of the holes. – Zach Johnson • Every golfer can expect to have four bad shots in a round and when you do, just put them out of your mind. This, of course is hard to do when you’ve had them and you’re not even off the first tee. – Walter Hagen • Every golfer should come to the first tee with fourteen clubs, a dozen balls, a handful of tees, and at least one great golf story – Lee Trevino • Everything was fine until I walked on to the first tee! – Seve Ballesteros • Fighting is like life. You can do everything to a tee. You can show up and fail. That’s no reason to quit. – Frank Mir • Foursomes have left the first tee there and have never been seen again. They just find their shoelaces and bags. – Bob Hope • Get a good jean, a good tee, a good whatever because you can just switch that stuff up and you have like 8,000 different outfits with a few things. – Zendaya • Golf is a stupid game. You tee up this little ball, really this tiny ball. Then you hit it, try to find it, hit it. And the goal is to get it into a little hole placed in a hard spot. – Juli Inkster • Has anyone ever won an argument with you? (Syd) Just Tee, and I was drunk and wounded at the time. (Joe) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • He [Daniel Craig] is mysterious, and I think that that’s the thing Bond has to exude, that kind of mysterious edge. He draws you in, but he is also incredibly cool, you know, James Bond is cool and sharp and Daniel has that to a tee, and he’s also got the rawness and an edginess to him that is slightly unhinged, and you’re not sure what is going on there, and I think that is really intriguing and interesting. It is a lot weightier and gritty, and he has that. – Gemma Arterton • He’s wearing boots, a kilt, and a long-sleeve tee. No coat, even though it’s December. Beautiful people don’t need coats. They’ve got their auras to keep them warm. – Jennifer Donnelly • Hole in One: an occurence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole in a single shot by a golfer playing alone. – Henry Beard • How to Overthrow the System: brew your own beer; kick in your Tee Vee; kill your own beef; build your own cabin and piss off the front porch whenever you bloody well feel like it. – Edward Abbey • I also taught myself how to blow glass using a propane torch from the hardware store and managed to make some elementary chemistry plumbing such as tees and small glass bulbs. – Robert B. Laughlin • I am always looking for a cool tee shirt; maybe one with a rock band or an old advertisement. – Bridget Hall • I call my putter ‘Sweet Charity’ because it covers such a multitude of sins from tee to green. – Gardner Dickinson • I can wear a suit, sweatpants, a long tee shirt, and a denim jacket all at the same time. – Tinie Tempah • I could get you to smile like that, and without sales tax.” I whirled around to find the real Patch standing in the fitting room behind me. He was wearing jeans and a snug white tee. His arms were folded loosely over his chest, and his black eyes smiled down at me. Heat that wasn’t entirely uncomfortable flushed through my body. “I could make all kinds of pervert jokes right now,” I quipped. – Becca Fitzpatrick • I do know how to operate a computer. (Joe) Yeah, right. What was it you said just ten minutes ago? Get this damned thing off my desk before I shoot it? Now make the call, Mr. Hunt-and-Peck. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • I don’t feel like I’m out of my element or anything like that. I’m very comfortable where I’m at. I enjoy being in this position, and actually it feels like I haven’t really been away from it. I feel very comfortable out there from the first tee onwards. – Aaron Baddeley • I don’t think the philosophy really changes between men and women. I think golf courses need to become more distance-friendly overall. I think golf courses almost need to develop a more generic set of tees instead of calling them black, blue, red or whatever. – Amy Alcott • I go to the first tee scared to death every day. The peaks do not seem to last as long as the valleys in this game. – J. C. Snead • I got so strong I felt like a giant…..When I stood on the tee with Arnold and Jack, I was tiny compared to them. But I never believed they were bigger than me. So the mind is so fascinating. – Gary Player • I had held a notion that I could make a pretty fair appraisal of the worth of an opponent simply by speaking to him on the first tee and taking a good measuring look into his eyes. – Bobby Jones • I had to lull Mom and Hank into believing I was in the right frame of mind to be taken into public. If I exited my bedroom foaming at the mouth and dressed in black LOVE SUCKS tee, my plan would never get off the ground. – Becca Fitzpatrick • I have a really simple wardrobe. I wear a low-scoop tee every day with a tux or leather jacket and tux pants or black jeans. That’s pretty much it. – Johan Lindeberg • I have really enjoyed every minute I have spent in golf- above all, the many wonderful friends I have made. I have loved playing the game and practicing it. Whether my schedule for the following day called for a tournament round or merely a trip to the practice tee, the prospect that there was going to be golf in it made me feel privileged and extremely happy, and I couldn’t wait for the sun to come up the next morning so that I could get out on the course again – Ben Hogan • I hurt my shoulder on the fifth tee – just hitting it too hard when you’re too old. – Ian Woosnam • I like What Goes Around Comes Around for old concert tees. Oh man, I got this ‘Sgt. Pepper’ cartoon Beatles shirt there; it was, like, $300. I didn’t even know how much it cost – I thought it was gonna be, like, $80 at most – till I got to the register and was like, ‘Oh mah gawd!’ Good Lord. But it’s classic vintage rock, you know? – Kid Cudi • I mistrust the term graphic novel because it sounds like a good thing to put on a tee-shirt. That’s why the French like them. – Terry Pratchett • I need to use the Dam Bathroom, I need to use the Dam Snack bar, I want a Dam Tee-Shirt. – Rick Riordan • I remember winning the first time, you know, suddenly everybody expects, well, okay, now he should win every time he tees it up, win six tournaments. – Retief Goosen • I still get butterflies on the first tee. I still get sweaty hands, and my heart pumps a lot going down the 18th. But I know what winning is all about now, and that’s a feeling that I like. – Annika Sorenstam • I think I can be competitive. Heck, anybody who can walk to the first tee here has a chance. – Fuzzy Zoeller • I think jeans have gotten away from the original meaning, that symbol of freedom; they’ve gone gimmicky and turned into a status item. Our denim is offered at lower price points for that reason. As far as the men’s clothing in the collection, it’s basically my wardrobe. I think men’s clothes should be grounded, strong and classic. I like simple: a blazer, jeans, a low cut tee and maybe a silk scarf. – Johan Lindeberg • I thoroughly enjoy working with kids, whether it’s The First Tee or the lesson tee with my grandkids. – Jack Nicklaus • I thought Denver and Seattle was a big game but Houston and Dallas is the kind of game that as players, we want to play in. I haven’t missed playing in the National Football League, but every year there are one or two games that makes me wish I could tee it up in that game one more time. – Sterling Sharpe • I wanted to feel good about the way I looked. I didn’t understand why style had to be sacrificed for sports technology. I found when going to the gym women were wearing their own tees, without the technology. I started to think, does it make you run faster if you wear that terrible color or sweat less if you wear that horrible fabric? And I challenged it, and the answers were not there to why we were being given poor design work. It was something I wanted to bring to women’s wardrobes. – Stella McCartney • I went through phases of odd hairstyles and tank top-over-tee outfits and stuff like that. – Jamie Lynn Sigler • I wouldn’t wear a tie-dyed tee-shirt unless it was dyed with the urine of Phil Collins and the blood of Jerry Garcia. – Kurt Cobain • If any guy threatened her she’d probably suffocate him with her oversized tee. – Simone Elkeles • If I’d been listening closely, I’d have caught the sound of the gods having a great big old tee-hee at my expense. – Sue Grafton • If I’m not going out, my go-to outfit is some comfortable pants, Vans, and a fitted tee. But if I’m going out, definitely some Diesel jeans, either some super cool boots or nice shoes, and then a button-up. – Sterling Beaumon • If it really made sense to “let the club do the work,” you’d just say, “Driver, wedge to the green, one-putt,” and walk to the next tee. – Tom Mulligan • If Jack Nicklaus had to play my tee shots, he couldn’t break 80. He’d be a pharmacist with a string of drugstores in Ohio. – Lee Trevino • If the rest of his foursome are bunched directly behind his ball, or assume the foetal position with their backs to the tee, the golfer is reminded that his drive tends to be erratic. More cruel yet is for his opponent to stand directly in the projected line of flight, as the safest place to be. – Eric Nicol • If there’s a golf course in heaven, I hope it’s like Augusta National. I just don’t want an early tee time. – Gary Player • I’m a big fan of pops of color, but I thought I would take that to the next level and do a color-blocked Rolex. This watch is the perfect accessory whether you’re wearing a tee and jeans or a well-tailored suit. – Brad Goreski • I’m focusing on quality versus quantity – a nicer tee-shirt with organic cotton and buying just one or two instead of five that are cheaper but made with GMO cotton, which is hard on Earth, sewn by slave labor, shipped all the way from China on boats that use lots of oil and can kill whales with ship strikes and sold by (some) companies that could treat their – Kristin Bauer van Straten • I’m much better off the tee. I’m not a great putter. I do not have a good short game. – Molly Sims • I’m not out there just to be dancing around. I expect to win every time I tee up. – Lee Trevino • I’m really going to do my homework. I’m going to be down there on the practice tee finding out if a guy’s wife beat him up the night before, important stuff like that. Stuff that people want to know. – Lee Trevino • It is so short and jumbled and jangled, Sam, because there is nothing intelligent to say about a massacre. Everybody is supposed to be dead, to never say anything or want anything ever again. Everything is supposed to be very quiet after a massacre, and it always is, except for the birds. And what do the birds say? All there is to say about a massacre, things like “Poo-tee-weet? – Kurt Vonnegut • It’s really hard to perfect one aspect of your kicking game when you’re spending some of your time kicking with a holder, some of your time kicking off a tee, and some of your time drop-kicking the ball. To be able to concentrate just on my punting responsibilities will do wonders for me. – Pat McAfee • I’ve always tried to play golf with a golf club. I have a hard time driving with my rifle. I mean, 18 is really narrow … I have no problem with the course, except for the tee shot on 18. – Jack Nicklaus • Just hopped off the plane came back from Vancouv Little white tee sum boobs & bamboo – Nicki Minaj • My back swing off the first tee had put him in mond of an eldery woman of dubious morals trying to struggle out of a dress too tight around the shoulders. – Patrick Campbell, 3rd Baron Glenavy • My essentials are skinny jeans, loose-fitting tees, big jumpers, and the leather jacket. Everything is black or blue – I don’t own anything colorful. – Jamie Campbell Bower • My golf score is really bad. I don’t know. I’m definitely not a good golfer. Off the tee box, I can drive it about 275, and I’m in the fairway about 99% of the time. It’s my next shot that needs work. – Jason Aldean • My sister Suga Tee is doing conscious rap. She speaks to the youth. She has an album coming out soon. She got saved but she is still doing her thing. She still spits good game. She’s talented. She sings. I don’t know if a lot of people know this but Suga Tee has a beautiful voice. So ya’ll look out for her album you dig? And look forward to a future Clique album. – E-40 • Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a 1-iron in his bag, and squinty eyes. – Dave Marr • No matter what happens – never give up a hole….In tossing in your cards after a bad beginning you also undermine your whole game, because to quit between tee and green is more habit-forming than drinking a highball before breakfast. – Sam Snead • Not a mark on it. (Joe) Yeah. Wanna check the backseat, where Steele is sitting? I’ll bet there’s a big stain there. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • Obviously a deer on the fairway has seen you tee off before and knows that the safest place to be when you play is right down the middle. – Jackie Gleason • On the first tee I kept telling myself, “Trust yourself, you can do it.”- Annika Sorenstam • Once I graduated from NYU, I started making custom vintage tees for my friends and it just took off from there. – Charlotte Ronson • One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. No matter what you shoot – the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin all over again and make yourself into something. – Peter Jacobsen • Only because I’m not a morning person. (Joe) And you’re not a night person either. Face it, babe. You’ve only got two good minutes a day. The minute before noon and the minute right after. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • Only three things them ladies talk about: they kids, they clothes, and they friends. I hear the word Kennedy, I know they ain’t discussing no politic. They talking about what Miss Jackie done wore on the tee-vee. – Kathryn Stockett • Ooo, he’s snotty. I like him already. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • Part of wearing a tee is saying, ‘I’m comfortable and casual.’ – Ryan Seacrest • Patience is a virtue. (Tee) Excuse me, pot, could you not pick on the kettle? (Joe) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • Reminiscing No one knows … until you live it, to be there, to tee it up each week, to get yourself ready, the players and whatever else…. I think its a very, very difficult, tough and demanding job. And to be able to, particularly, stay at the level of expertise that we have over the years. Along with the fact that we have made football a presence at BYU. I think those are the things that are about as satisfying as anything that has happened. Then, of course, the players…. I think the thing that will be the most difficult is leaving the relationships and the involvement. – LaVell Edwards • Sam Snead did to the tee-shot what Roger Bannister did to the four-minute mile. – Byron Nelson • Tee Vee football: one team wins, one team loses — they tie — who cares? And why? – Edward Abbey • Tee your ball high…air offers less resistance than dirt. – Jack Nicklaus • The devil doesn’t wear prada; I’m clearly in a — white tee. – Tyler, The Creator • The first time I met [Sylvester Stallone], he had golf tees up his nose. So I figured we were going to be OK. – Sandra Bullock • The fourth tee brings out a mixture of excitement and anticipation, for about 220 yards down the fairway you catch a glimpse of Stillwater Cove, and realize you’ll be walking along this spectacular meeting of land and sea for the next two hours. – Doug Ferguson • The Japanese eat, sleep, and breathe golf; the only thing they don’t do is actually play it, because to get on a course, you have to make a reservation roughly 137 years in advance, which means that by the time you actually get to the first tee you are deceased. Of course, in golf this is not really a handicap. – Dave Barry • The man who runs from his office to the golf club, gulps a sandwich, belches and races to the first tee has no business howling in anguish when he puts his first two shots in the woods, then tops a 3-iron shot into the pond. – Tony Lema • The NBAs a Fortune 500 company. Thats how you look at it. And all the other Fortune 500 companies out there in the world, you dont see their CEOs and COOs going to work with white tees and baggy clothes and stuff like that. So I have to take that same approach. – Carmelo Anthony • The only times you touch the ball with your hand are when you tee it up and when you pick it out of the cup. The hell with television towers and cables and burrowing animals and the thousand and one things that are referred to as ‘not part of the golf course’. If you hit the ball off the fairway, you play it from there. – Ken Venturi • The subconscious mind is probably the most important factor in being a good golfer. It keeps distractions on the course from ruining a good round. You should practice, develop your swing, and do most of your thinking on the practice tee so that when you play in competition, you can hit the ball automatically. – Wiffy Cox • There are three things being a celebrity is good for: raising money for charity, dinner reservations and tee times. – Dennis Quaid • There was a time when all I cared about was the next game, the next party, the next tee time. – Brett Favre • There’s not much pressure on the golf Tour. Walking to the first tee is in no way comparable to walking through the jungle in combat – Larry Nelson • To quit between tee and green is more habit-forming than drinking a highball before breakfast. – Sam Snead • Trust me, Joe. You’re not a cowboy. The only cows you ever saw as a kid came under a plastic wrap in the grocery store or in a paper wrapped from McDonald’s. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • We don’t want civilians walking around who know about us. Got it? (Tee) Wow, you’re like a ferocious bunny, aren’t you? (Nathan) Worse. A bunny can be fluffy sometimes. Tee always goes for the throat. Trust me. I’m her partner and she’s shot me three times now. (Joe) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • We have 51 golf courses in Palm Springs. He [President Ford] never decides which course he will play until after the first tee shot. – Bob Hope • We never let our people just go. (Joe) What are you? Wolfram and Hart? (Steele) Oh, no, sweetie, they just take your soul for service. We intend to take even more than that. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • Well, I think that Augusta is not the same golf course that I grew up on. Bobby Jones’ philosophy was giving you space off the tee; if you put it in the right side of the fairway, you ended up getting the right angle to the green. – Jack Nicklaus • What a shame to waste those great shots on the practice tee. – Walter Hagen • What’s the longest walk in golf? It’s from the practice tee to the first tee. I don’t care if it’s 10 yards. It’s the longest walk in golf. Winners take their swing with them. Losers don’t. – Moe Norman • When Ballesteros triumphed at the British Open in 1979, for his first major win, he hit so few fairways off the tee that he was often mistaken for a gallery marshall. – Dan Jenkins • When I decided to launch my first knitwear line, it was because I saw a void in the basics category. The editors were always looking for cool, fashion-forward tees and sweaters. So that’s where I started. – Alexander Wang • When I got to the first tee on the first day, to hear the cheers, it was like all the oxygen got sucked out. It was hard to pull the club back. – Patrick Reed • When I have a match to play, I begin to relax as soon as I wake up. Everything I do, I do slow and easy. That goes for stroking the razor, getting dressed, and eating my breakfast. I’m practically in slow motion. By the time I’m ready to tee off, I’m so used to taking my time that it’s impossible to hurry my swing. – Walter Hagen • When I learned that there was such a thing as an atheist, I looked it up – and found out that the definition fitted me to a tee. Finally, at the age of 24, I found out who and what I was. Better late than never. – Madalyn Murray O’Hair • When it come to da: ” What it do?! I don’t fall for da: “Woop- TeE- WoOoo! – Erykah Badu • Why is it when I’m the one shot, I’m a baby, but when it’s you, it’s a matter of life and death and national security? (Joe) Because I’m cuter in a short skirt. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • Yeah. Kip gets to guard you and I get to house-sit. Life bites the big tee-tawa. (Syn) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • You are so vicious. (Tee) Hence the nickname. (Syd) You know it’s bad when you make me look like Glinda the Good Witch, right? (Tee) Just call me Elphaba. But don’t drop a house on me, ‘kay? (Syd) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • You don’t lose your swing between the ninth green and the tenth tee, and you don’t lose your swing from one day to the next. If you think you do, something is going on that you don’t understand. A diary might help explain it to you. – Harvey Penick • You draw on your own childhood every time you tee it up as an actor. – Ron Perlman • You ever go up to the tee and say, ‘Don’t hit it left, don’t hit it right’? That’s your conscious mind. My body knows how to play golf. I’ve trained it to do that. It’s just a matter of keeping my conscious mind out of it. – Tiger Woods • You hear stories about me beating my brains out practicing, but the truth is, I was enjoying myself. I couldn’t wait to get up in the morning so I could hit balls. I’d be at the practice tee at the crack of dawn, hit balls for a few hours, then take a break and get right back to it. And I still thoroughly enjoy it. When I’m hitting the ball where I want, hard and crisply – when anyone is – it’s a joy that very few people experience. – Ben Hogan • You just don’t have the time to worry about what others are doing. You just want to take care of your own business. You are focused on that tee shot on the 10th tee and making it to the finish line. It’s one of the most stressful moments in professional golf, but you have worked so hard to get to that point, that it really is fun. – Mike Weir • You know what I hate about rock? I hate tie-dyed tee shirts. I wouldn’t wear a tie-dyed tee shirt unless it was dyed with the urine of Phil Collins and the blood of Jerry Garcia. – Kurt Cobain • You’re such a crybaby. (Tee) Let me almost shoot off one of your testicles and see how you cope. (Joe) You shouldn’t have moved, Joe. It was your fault. (Tee) Yeah, everything’s my fault. (Joe) Good, then we agree. (Tee) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • Your white tee, well to me, looks like a nightgown; Make your mama proud, take that thing two sizes down. – Andre Benjamin

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41 of the funniest quotes and one-liners from The Good Place about life and death – iNews

DistractionsJokes

“Pobody’s nerfect!”

Tuesday, 8th October 2019, 16:06 pm

Updated Tuesday, 8th October 2019, 16:07 pm

(Photo: NBC)

The Good Place is one of the most intelligent sitcoms of recent years, and now the long-awaited fourth season has finally made its way to Netflix.

The fantasy-comedy (about a woman who mistakenly winds up in a heavenly afterlife designed for only the most morally sound people on Earth) has consistently delivered imaginative scenarios, witty writing and laugh-out-loud humour since its 2016 debut.

The i newsletter cut through the noise

We thought it would be a forking good time to celebrate some of the show’s best quotes on life and death.

Jason

“The point is, you’re cool, dope, fresh, and smart-brained. I’ve never seen you dance, but I bet you’re good, cause you’re good at everything. You’re awesome! Be nicer to yourself.”

“I can’t believe Michael betrayed us again, why is it always the ones you most expect?”

“When I say I’m meditating, I’m just trying to figure out what the fork is happening.”

“Everyone here thinks I’m Taiwanese. I’m Filipino. That’s racist. Heaven is so racist.”

“You know, it doesn’t matter if you know things. All that matters is what’s in your heart.”

“I’m ranking my favourite Fast and the Furious movies. You said you wanted to know who I am, and this is the best way to get to know me.”

“I wasn’t a failed DJ. I was pre-successful.”

“I’m too young to die and too old to eat off the kids’ menu. What a stupid age I am.”

(Photo: NBC)

Janet

“In case you were wondering, I am, by definition, the best version of myself.”

“It turns out the best Janet was the Janet that was inside Janet all along.”

Tahani

“I would say I outdid myself, but I’m always this good. So I simply did myself.”

“You know, sometimes a flaw can make something even more beautiful. Like with Cindy Crawford and how short she is.”

“I’m going to tell you the same thing that I told Mark Zuckerberg right before he ousted Eduardo Saverin. You are smart, you are capable, and the time has come to hit ‘unfriend’. I also told Mark to lose the ‘the’. Just ‘Facebook.’ That was me.”

“I’m not used to dressing like a plumberess. Is that what you call a female plumber or is a toilet sweep or, or clog wench?”

(Photo: NBC)

“She may be some demonic torturer from the netherworld, but does she have taste? Sophistication? An encyclopedic knowledge of traditional and avant-garde Belgian floral design?”

“We don’t make any sense together, and yet, when I’m with you, I can really let my hair down, metaphorically speaking of course, because I’d never have it up in the first place. I’m not a factory worker.”

“No one can ever truly turn over a new leaf. Sure, Ben Affleck told me he’d matured as an artist after he directed Argo, but then, right on schedule, it was, ‘Guess what, Tahani, I’m gonna be Batman.'”

Chidi

“Principles aren’t principles when you pick and choose when you’re gonna follow them.”

“I argue that we choose to be good because of our bonds with other people and our innate desire to treat them with dignity. Simply put, we are not in this alone.”

“If this isn’t a test, then it’s something way worse: A choice! That we have to make!”

(Photo: NBC)

“You know the sound a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That’s the sound my brain makes. All the time. It’s just the constant grinding about things that I’m afraid of or things that I want or want to want, or want to want to want.”

Michael

“It’s a rare occurrence, like a double rainbow. Or like someone on the internet saying, ‘You know what? You’ve convinced me I was wrong’.”

“Any place or thing in the universe can be up to 104% perfect. That’s how you got Beyoncé.”

“Lies are always more convincing when they’re closer to the truth.”

“Now we’re going to do the most human thing of all: attempt something futile with a ton of unearned confidence and fail spectacularly!”

“Searching for meaning is philosophical suicide. How does anyone do anything when you understand the fleeting nature of existence?”

(Photo: NBC)

“You humans take something wonderful and ruin it just a little bit so you can have more.”

“I’ve been working on my Western Hemisphere brunch banter. Tell me what you think. ‘That New Yorker article was crazy. You haven’t seen Hamilton? Hey, did you hear about Stephanie?'”

“I studied the human concept of friends. I even watched all ten seasons of the show Friends. Boy, those friends really were ‘friends’, weren’t they? Although – and I realise this is the kind of observation that would only occur to the mind of an eternal being. How did they afford that apartment? A waitress and a chef with those Manhattan real estate prices.”

“Hello, everyone. Good to see you all here, mingling around with your various secrets. Who really knows which of you are who you say you are? No way to know unless I pull your skeletons out, right?”

“In the words of one of my actual friends: ‘Ya basic’. It’s a human insult. It’s devastating. You’re devastated right now.”

(Photo: NBC)

Eleanor

“I’ve only ever said ‘I love you’ to two men my entire life, Stone Cold Steve Austin and a guy in a dark club who I mistook for Stone Cold Steve Austin.”

“You wrote 4,000 pages on one of the most complicated subjects in the world. I mean I used to get bored halfway through writing a text message. Be proud.”

“I might not have been a saint, but it’s not like I killed anybody. I wasn’t an arsonist. I never found a wallet outside of an IHOP and thought about returning it but saw the owner lived out of state so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.”

“When I told a boyfriend something was ‘no big deal,’ it meant anything from ‘I just bought weed from your nephew,’ to ‘I secretly befriended your ex-girlfriend last year, things got out of hand, and now I’m her bridesmaid.'”

“Kant would say that lying in any scenario is wrong. On the other hand, snitches do get stitches.”

“Ugh, I hate jazz. Every jazz song is like 40 minutes long. It’s like, we get it. You can blow on a trumpet. Wrap it up, Elton John.”

“Why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities?”

“If you try and ignore your sadness, it just ends up leaking out of you anyway. I’ve been there. And everybody’s been there. So don’t fight it. In the words of a very wise Bed, Bath, and Beyond employee I once knew, ‘Go ahead and cry all you want. But you’re going to have to pay for that toilet plunger.'”

“Whenever I would do something crappy on Earth, there would be a little tiny voice in the back of my head that would say, ‘Eleanor, don’t grab that handful of olives from the salad bar. You know, you didn’t pay for that,’ or ‘Eleanor, don’t spit those olive pits onto the floor of the grocery store. That’s not cool.’ Or ‘Eleanor, that old man just slipped on your olive pit, and he fell down. Don’t use the fact that everyone’s distracted to go back and steal more olives.'”

“Pobody’s nerfect.”

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Bài viết 41 of the funniest quotes and one-liners from The Good Place about life and death – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/41-of-the-funniest-quotes-and-one-liners-from-the-good-place-about-life-and-death-inews/

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