#also how the fuck are aquariums furnished

[star-ocean-peahen]

sleepyl

#im exhausted but it makes sense this time because i did a lot of things #im trying to build an aquarium full of captured mermaids in the sims #for fakegamergirl's build competition #and i have until sunday evening because im going to Place on monday #and. i hate how hard scale is to understand. #and it says there's cc in the build which there is NOT the only thing i can think of is that i took a picture of fish using a custom conten #PILE OF SAND that lets me put fish where i want them #ITS A PICTURE #OF IN GAME FISH #WHAT THE FUCK #grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr #also how the fuck are aquariums furnished #why am i googling what kind of LIGHTS and FLOORING aquariums have #i have to specify ''aquarium institution'' or ''aquarium architecture'' so i dont get fishbowl shit #theres so much to doooooooo #ive spent like five hours on it already and i've only just started furnishing the lobby #which like i said i hit a wall with because the game thinks i have custom content in it and if it thinks theres cc in it then i can't ENTER #IT IN THE DANG COMPETITION #at least i have a kickass tank layout........ #lassie vents #vent

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 73

This is, from a technical perspective, one of the most challenging chapters I have ever written.  Out of six characters mentioned in this chapter, five are based off real people, most of which have only interacted online. That meant a lot of emailing and getting second and third opinions, hashing out details...

I am inordinately proud of the result.   I think this is one of my favorite chapters to date, honestly.  I hope @charlylimph-blog​, @satan-parisienne​, and @baelpenrose​ are proud of it, too.

(P.S. Don’t forget to submit your ideas for the name of the new colony!)

The next few days were a glut of good news. I was, admittedly, riding high on the success Simon reported in regards to the Galactic Education course, which was only bolstered by Alistair’s ever-more-excited updates about what he was learning – in Simon’s section, of all places.  Reports from Grey indicated that everyone on the ship was recovering well from the medical crisis that Else inadvertently caused.  Miys was doing everything they could to make Nixe a new, upgraded tail and replacement weights before she was finally released from medical.  Else, themselves, were adjusting well to their newfound homes… likely bolstered by the borderline-competitive aquascaping that was taking place in some of the aquariums, each equipped with a modified translation implant so we could check on Else’s health.

They were a bacterium. Did they really need tiny rollercoasters that they could eat?  Someone thought so, apparently. You could even watch a live feed of it, if you wanted.

Between all the good news and the sheer amount of reading I was engrossed in regarding the personnel files, I hadn’t seen anyone outside of work or home.  Not even my family.  Tyche and Alistair at work, with occasional visits from Xiomara and Grey.  Conor and Maverick at home, talking about our days over dinner.  I made a point to check in on Derek and Sam every couple days, but trusted the rest of my family to let me know if there was something they felt the need to tell me.

Maybe that’s why it took so long.  I hadn’t even realized that three weeks had passed since the last time I saw Charly until she burst into my office, tears threatening to roll down her cheeks.  “I made it out of the room before falling apart,” she blurted out with a painful smile as those drops rolled down her cheeks.  Immediately, I bolted around my desk to the smaller woman, coaxing her to a seat to figure out what was wrong.  My protective instincts went into overdrive, forcing me to calculate just how likely I was to take Coffey in a fight.  Not likely, but he would know it happened, I decided as I took a deep breath.

“Charly, what’s wrong?”

She made three aborted attempts to tell me, sniffing back tears the entire time, before she finally broke and blurted out, “I can’t do it. Please don’t make me. This is just like the last time.  I knew I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up. I just… I can’t. I know it’s mandatory, but – “

“Charly,” I repeated. “Nothing that makes you this upset is mandatory.  And you aren’t stupid, not close.  Everyone on this fucking ship is smart, including you.  So, tell me who I have to kill – or maim, I’ll settle for maiming if I have to – so we can fix this.”

After a couple of deep breaths, she nodded. “The class. I just can’t understand it… no matter how many questions I ask, no matter how much I study, it just doesn’t make sense.  Mr. Farro is right, I’m just an idiot…”

I made a cutting gesture with my hand and whistled sharply. “Mr. Farro? The teacher told you that you’re an idiot?” Every flame in every hell started boiling inside of me.  Processor two started gathering every creative torture method I had ever heard of while processors one and three focused on the woman in front of me.

She shook her head. “Not that exactly, no.  When I kept asking questions, he told me that the material is literally in my native language, so what didn’t I understand, and just kind of glared at me until I stopped asking questions, and now I’m so far behind and I’m failing and…” She dissolved into sobs again.

“Okay.” I forced myself to be calm when all I wanted to do was tear apart this… monster who made her feel this way.  How in all of creation did someone like this ever get certified to teach? How did Eino not catch this kind of thing? “I’m going to have Coffey come get you and take you home.  I’m going to stay right here until he arrives, okay?”  When she nodded, I flicked up my datapad and sent a short message to her partner that she was in my office and needed him to pick her up.

“You’re going to meet Tempest,” she whispered when I handed her a hot cocoa.  

When Coffey arrived a few minutes later, a shadow fell over his face when he heard Charly crying.  She had warned me about this… another side of him that she would only refer to as Tempest.  Seeing him now, the name was very appropriate.  “Who did this?” he asked, his voice deep enough to send shivers down my spine – and not pleasant ones. It was the voice I imagined Hades possessed.

I held my head high and tightened my arms around Charly. “Someone else.  Someone I need to deal with.  But I don’t trust anyone else to take care of her while I do that.”  Both sides of him were incredibly protective of her, with no limits to what they would do.

“Tell me,” he demanded. “I will deal with it.”

A brief flash of Coffey/Tempest standing head and shoulders over an educator flooded my mind. I shook my head. “I know what you would do, and I don’t see it ending well for anyone.  Charly needs you.  I can handle this, and I need you to make sure Charly is going to be okay until I’m done.”  Swallowing my fear, I stared him down.  Tempest could be dangerous, to anyone they didn’t consider theirs – never without a reason, but still.  I didn’t know if I fell in that category, but I knew good and damned well that Charly did.

Fortunately, she chose that moment to speak up. “Please take me home, Tempest.  I know I’ll be safe at home, with you.”

After a moment of hesitation, he nodded before coming over to pick Charly up.  Unlike the fireman’s carry that Coffey usually used in a joking manner, Tempest carried her like a kitten – a precious, fragile thing.  She moved just enough to snuggle against him, clearly protected. “You will tell me if you cannot handle this.” The last, addressed to me, was a command.

“I promise.” I wiped my sweaty palms on my pants and mentally reminded myself that he posed no danger to anyone who was trying to protect Charly.  However, when a man that large is scowling at you, you sweat.

Once they left, my brain very quickly turned to the matter at hand – Arthur fucking Farro.  Even if Charly wasn’t someone I considered family, few things in my life ever enraged me like a purported educator who belittled students with questions.  I had already spent hours with Simon and Tyche, picking that subject apart and giving him advice on what to watch for. Full of piss, vinegar, and righteous indignation, I marched out of my office and straight to Xiomara’s.

When I burst in, she was clearly in the middle of a meeting, but in that moment, I didn’t care. “Xiomara, I need a witness in case I decide to do something stupid.”  Without checking to see if she followed, I turned on my heel and started my journey to the educator offices. On the way, I ran into Tyche.  My poor, unsuspecting sister was staring intently at her datapad while she tried to walk past me to her office.  I stood directly in front of her, forcing her to glance up. “Good, I need a second witness. Come on.”

“What? Wait – “ she sputtered as I heard Xiomara catch up.

“One of the educators made Charly feel like an idiot and she was crying.” With that, I resumed my pilgrimage.  I could hear Tyche swear softly behind me and start interrogating Xiomara, who knew as much as Tyche did at that point.

That’s okay, I mentally assured myself. We’re almost there.

I stopped outside the office that was ostensibly assigned to the cad I was after.  Taking a deep breath, I squared my shoulders. The moment I started to opened my mouth to request entry, strong fingers grabbed my shoulders.

I whirled, only to meet Xiomara’s eyes. “Arthur Farro is teaching Charly’s unit?” she asked, squinting at me skeptically.  When I nodded, she only turned her head slightly, still staring me down. “And you’re going to confront him.”

“What else am I supposed to – ”

An evil gleam flickered in her eye as she straightened, smoothing my shirt. “This is going to be good,” she smirked before giving me a nod to proceed.

I lifted my chin, trying to imitate Tyche’s most imperious demeanor. “Arthur Farro, this is Sophia Reid, requesting entry.”

Without a reply, the door slid open to reveal a sparsely furnished office.  A simple and practical deck sat in a far corner, two equally practical chairs across from it.  The occupant was seated with his back to the corner, facing toward the door.  I couldn’t say he was facing us, because he was absorbed in what was on his datapad.

Just as I was opening my mouth to lash out, he spoke up. “Hello, Councillors. I take it someone in my course came to you, begging to be exempted from having to actually learn how the Galactic Community functions?  Because, gods forbid I expect people to study.” With a tone that was so dry it could teach the Sahara a lesson, he glanced up and deadpanned. “Horrid of me, I know. I mean, sure. Lacking understanding of the galactic community that we just joined should cause us no shortage of issues – just look how pre-Unification Earth politics worked.  But I’m sure that’s not an important subject to stress over.”

Oh, it was on. “First of all, do not call me Councillor right now. I am not here in any official capacity.  Instead I am here for a very personal and pissed off reason.” When he started to open his mouth, I cut him off. “Charly Harper.  She is in your classes.  She also came to me today - sobbing by the way - because she felt like a failure.  A very bright, very intelligent adult woman was sobbing my office because of you,” I spat before continuing. “No student, not a single fucking one should feel that way. So-called ‘teachers’ like you make me sick, with your power trips and holier-than-thou attitude.  You are in a position to improve people, and instead you degrade them - “ I cut off when I noticed him gesturing emphatically at Xiomara, who only shrugged and shook her head.  “I am fucking talking to you, Farro.   Me, not Xiomara. She is not here to help you, she is here to keep me from doing something monumentally stupid.  If this is how you treat your classes, I’m frankly appalled that you were ever certified to teach a dog, much less a child.” I stopped, panting.

Brown eyes gazed at me with an unflinching expression. “Are you done? Feel better that you’ve lashed out at the monstrous teacher?” I opened my mouth, only for him to shake his head. “No. You said your piece, now you get to hear mine.  I am well aware that Miss Harper is intelligent - her pranks alone show me that. If you haven’t experienced them, I fervently hope you have the chance, because they are simply breathtaking in their complexity and subtlety.  However, I am therefore entirely at a loss for how she is doing so poorly in this class." He took off his glasses and rubbed his face before replacing them. "She asks questions, I do my best to answer them, even though it eats up so much class time. I have asked her to stop by my office outside of class, hoping I can take more time to ensure she understands the material… I know we are covering government right now, but still.   She has never stopped by for assistance.  I even checked that the translators were sending the material in the right language!”  His face settled into another flat stare. “So, when  you come in here and decide to attack me with all the restraint and thought of a rabid lemming, know that I am doing everything I can to try to assist her.  She’s clearly bright, so she should be able to understand the material.”

I waited three seconds, until I knew for sure he was done. At that point, I took a deep breath. “Yes, Mr. Farro, she is very intelligent.” I turned my gaze up to his face, my best imitation of Tyche’s glare clear for all to see. “Charly. Also. Has. A. Fucking. Learning. Disability,” I ground out, stepping forward with each word. When I stopped, we were glaring at each other across his desk.

Abruptly, he straightened and looked thoughtful. “Oh. Well, that explains it. I can work with that.”

“You fucking better, Farro. She may not be my blood, but she is my family.  You fuck with her, you fuck with me. Or with Tyche. Take your pick.”

He glanced over my shoulder at my sister, who was undoubtedly giving a much more murderous impression that I would ever be able to pull off.  When he looked back at me, I was treated to a scowl. “You remind me a disturbing amount of someone I knew once.  She also had a tendency to lay claim to ‘family’ that were no actual relation to her, and she was fiercely protective of them.  There were so many  times she didn’t stand up for herself when she should have, but she would have jumped into a volcano for her ‘family’.”

“Sounds like you could have learned a thing or two from her,” I tossed back at him, unwilling to flinch at the entirely-too-apt comparison. “Maybe then, she would be here instead of you.” As soon as the words left my lips, I regretted them.  I knew I had gone entirely too far, no matter what came next.

I didn’t get a chance to apologize, however.  Before I could even open my mouth, he sneered at me. “Funny. I would be more than happy to have her here instead of the less-stable discount imitation that is taking low shots and squawking at me about not knowing something no. One. Told. Me.”

“It’s in her file. Section 3, Line 5.”

“Well, that would be helpful if I had ever gotten the files.” He ground his teeth hard enough to be heard from where I stood.

I sputtered. “Wait, you never got it? Wait - Files? Plural?”

“No, Councilor Reid - “

“Sophia”

“No, Councilor Reid, I did not get any of the files for the students in any of my sections.  Otherwise, I would have read them thoroughly.  People who ignore student needs and call themselves educators are sadists with the intellect of coked-up chimps - and work about as well in a classroom”

I was at a loss for words.  It was disturbingly similar to what I had thought on my way to confront him.  Inhaling deeply, I schooled my expression and tried to regain my composure.  “Mr. Farro, I am clearly in the wrong here.  Files regarding anything that would require accommodation were sent - were supposed to be sent - to all of the teachers, two weeks before course assignments were issued.  Just in case any educators weren’t trained to accommodate. As far as what you just said - “ I looked away, ashamed. “That’s exactly why I was so angry when I came in. I didn’t know that you never received the files, so I assumed you were one of those sadists you just mentioned. I - I am so sorry for my behavior. I know I can’t make this right.” I flicked open my datapad. “But at least let me get you those student files and find out what happened.” When he nodded, I shot a message to Derek requesting the files be sent immediately to all of the educators, by Derek, no one else.  When I got the response, the words ‘rank amateur’ and ‘ignore any isolated mechanical failures in regards to’ caught my eye before I quickly dismissed the screen.  Plausible deniability was sorely underrated sometimes. Facing Farro, again, I braced myself. “I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I truly do regret that I didn’t ask for your side before tearing into you like that.  Even though I am not in any position to ask for favors, please just don’t take this out on Charly.  Hate me all you want, but she didn’t ask me to do this.  She just came into my office begging to drop the course.”

He stared at me for an agonizing heartbeat before relaxing and waving off my request.  My heart sank until he spoke. “I would never take someone else’s behavior out on Charly, or on any other student.” A measuring look targeted me. “You had a lot of those teachers that punished the entire class because one student wouldn’t stop being disruptive, didn’t you?”

“Something like that,” I mumbled in agreement.  More confidently, I clarified. “I think all of us have been punished entirely too many times for the mistakes of other people. Maybe some of us were lucky enough to only experience that in the After, but some of us got a taste of that as children, too.”

“You know…” he slowly ventured. “Even in the Before, that kind of behavior was beyond appalling.”

I nodded. “It was a war crime, actually.  A friend told me that once.”

He had been looking away, trying to find something, but his head abruptly snapped up. “Yes! It’s against the Geneva Convention!”

“That’s what he told me, yeah.”

Farro sat in his chair and leaned back, tilting his head to stare at the ceiling. “You know, technically, collective punishment of children isn’t a war crime.  The Geneva Convention was intended to apply to prisoners of war, not civilians in a time of peace.”

“Ah, ah!” I scolded, shaking a finger at him. The previous tension in the room bled away as we seemed to find common ground. “I grew up in the United States.  Prior to the Unification, we were always at war.  It’s part of what led to the establishment of Global Parliament.”

He smirked softly, but judging by the fact that he was looking past me, it was more at a memory than at me. “That doesn’t automatically make you a prisoner of war.”

“No, but it does mean I was a civilian of a protected class, who was denied their human rights and had collective punishment used against me in a time of war.” I crossed my arms and stuck my nose in the air, trying to keep the conversation from getting to heated again.  Slyly I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye.

“You weren’t forcibly detained.”

“Au contraire, mon frere! I was a child. I was forcibly detained at all times, one could argue.”

He shook his head while giving me a shrewd look. “That is such a technicality.  It reminds me of the time my friend - the one I mentioned - tried to argue that international diplomacy was like dating.”

I giggled, surprised by the turn of conversation, and joked, “I told a very close friend once that foreign relations at the time could be greatly improved by the proper application of pot roast.”

Farro didn’t laugh.  Instead, he looked like I had punched him in the chest. “With a chocolate pie.. for dessert…” he whispered, steadily getting paler and paler.

By this point, Xiomara’s composure had gone from one of barely-constrained mirth to one of confusion, matching Tyche. I felt my stomach try to drop out of the FTL field as the ghost of a friend long since gone started screaming in my mind.  “He said not to kick the ass of anyone I’m dating…at least not in the declaration of war sense…”

Without missing a beat, he nodded. “And you said that if ghosting them as a form of embargo doesn’t work…”

“Bring out the heavy weaponry and go for a scorched-earth breakup,” I whispered hoarsely.  There was no possibility.

As Farro and I stood there in dumbstruck silence, I heard Xiomara ask Tyche “What are they talking about?”

“I have no idea,” my sister hissed back.

“But you speak fluent Reidish!”

“That isn’t what’s happening here,” she pleaded.  When I turned to her, I saw eyes that begged for an explanation. 

All I could do was give her a pleading glance before I turned back to meet Farro’s equally stunned expression.  “Fee?” he finally asked with a querulous tone.

That was all I had to hear. “Silannod?” Behind me, there was a yelp.  No doubt, it was Tyche realizing who I was speaking to.  I tried to smile, but I knew it was watery. “I told you I would survive the apocalypse.  It wasn’t zombies, but still…” ‘Silannod’ was the online name of a very good friend of mine from Before.  We never had the chance to meet in person, but we had spent hours each day talking about writing, books we liked, politics of the time… Anything that would have been too controversial for a casual acquaintance, we discussed as fervently as if we could solve all the problems of the world.  Even Tyche had been familiar with them, and had heard me talk about our conversations.

When the world ended, I counted them among the dead.  And now, looking him in the face, it was clear that he had done the same for me.

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#the miys #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #earth is space australia #aliens #original writing #original fiction #science fiction #sci fi #apocalypse #lost friend

[terrible-tentacle-theatre]

The Bestiary Revamped: Bobbit Worm

Disclaimer: While this article is founded in scientific fact, it contains hyberbole and conscious exaggerations for the sake of comedy. Do not take my ramblings at face value. You can find the sources at the end of the article and tools for scientific fact-checking under the “Learn more” link on my blog.

The old article can be read here.

(Note: While writing this article, I was listening to the Final Fantasy IV boss battle theme.)

(Okay, so. Anyway.)

Of all the phyla of animal life, you’d be hard-pressed to find any that is more prominent in the public conscious as the epitome of harmless, pathetic, and ultimately boring animals than annelids.

I mean, what else, would you call a taxon that’s most famous member looks like this?

Wow. Fascinating.

Let’s be honest: earthworms aren’t the most exciting animals, to put it mildly.  It’s truly difficult to imagine any more generic a creature than a tube of pasty and easily smearable flesh writhing on wet pavement after a light rain.

However, you might want to be careful when talking trash about earthworms and their fellow annelids. These pathetic all-organic homegrown noodles are essential to the circle of matter, and if they get fed up with your disrespectful shit they can just up and ditch the whole detritivorous routine, leaving you, and you personally, to literally eat dirt in their place. Be respectful to earthworms because they deal with all of the shit you don’t want to deal with, both metaphorically and in a literal sense.

But if that isn’t enough to convince you that you shouldn’t diss earthworms (in which case you’re probably an asshole to begin with), consider the following: if they can’t take more of your racist bull, they can tell on you to their big strong cousin. And pray to whatever transcendent being(s) you believe in that doesn’t happen. You do not want that to go down.

Why?

Simple.

Turns out, the ranks of the annelids apparently include the fucking Sarlacc.

*unholy screaming*

Meet the bobbit worm (Eunice aphroditois), the newest resident of your recurring nightmares. Who knew that the cousin of the lowly earthworm is a vicious mashup of one of those bendy rainbow pencils and Shai-Hulud that also happens to eat happy thoughts for breakfast? Standing at a maximum length of roughly three goddamn meters, this lethal length of rope will shear anything with the balls and/or the stupidity to approach it in half and look fabulous with its iridescent cuticle the whole time. That is no exaggeration, as you will soon come to see.

This terrible killer rainbow was discovered in 1788 by a German naturalist called Peter Simon Pallas. Imagine hopping on a boat in the late 18th century, in a time when most people still believed in the existence of a good and loving God, and finding this. Imagine his reaction.

Actually, you don’t have to, because we have his portrait and you can see his empty-eyed stare shining through. “Scarred for life” doesn’t even begin covering this bullshit.

Seriously, look into his eyes. Dude’s dead inside.

Sweet lord have mercy. This guy is the real reason why you don’t talk shit about annelids. You can boast about being  “the most intelligent creature on Earth”  and “the crown of creation” and blah blah blah. Fat load of good it’s gonna do ya against a 10-feet-long rainbow death worm with spring-loaded jagged mandibles quite literally the size of your middle fingers.

Crown this.

And guess what - that worm is fucking pissed at you. You talked trash about its phylum and now you’ll get what’s coming to you. Next time you’ll think twice before you try talking down on annelids.

To better put in perspective why you should soil your pants in fear at this prospect, let’s review the bobbit worm’s life and times, as well as its lovely feeding habits.

Oh boy!

This will be fun.

So, the bobbit worm basically comes to be from the worm jizz and eggs floating around in the ocean. (Keep that in mind next time you go for a nice refreshing swim on the ocean beach.) The fertilized eggs hatch into microscopic little specks called trochophore larvae, which then drift around in the oceanic currents as plankton like a bunch of lazy shits. Fairly humble beginnings for what will soon become the beast that is the bobbit worm. It’s a bit like how Darth Vader used to be a slave on a backwater desert planet as a kid.

Note: this isn’t a bobbit worm trochophore, but that of another polychaete worm (Pomatoceros lamarckii), used here for demonstration. Anyway, they’re difficult to tell apart but one hatches into a harmless tube-building worm and the other a ravenous ten-feet-long predator with a pair of garden shears for a face. Polychaete larvae are like Kinder eggs, Russian roulette edition.

After growing out of its larval stage, a whole lot of completely uninteresting shit happens (mostly the gaining of additional segments), ending with a small mature worm that embeds itself into the seabed in a sufficiently warm and sunny part of the ocean.

What follows next is something right out of Return of the Jedi. What, you thought I was kidding about the Sarlacc?

The bobbit worm spends all day laying low in the seabed, waiting silently, with only the tip of its head sticking out of the sediment. Said head comes equipped with five chemoreceptory tendrils, allowing the worm to “taste” the water around itself. This comes in handy, seeing as it is completely fucking blind and the thought of growing eyes never even crossed it’s mind (which is actually fairly complex for an annelid). It’s like one of those blind sword masters from wuxia movies, except it’s a terrifying giant worm instead.

Aaaaaanyway! If the worm senses anything that “smells” edible, it correctly deduces that it is, in fact, edible. Which logically means that something was stupid enough to approach it without hightailing it out there. Therefore, it becomes a one-worm Darwin Award Committee and does this.

Steppin’ on the beach, do do do doOOOAAAAAARGH

You know, the longer this article gets, the less it feels like this is biology and the more it feels like I’m writing some sort of weird Dune fanfiction.

I feel like I should note that the bobbit worm’s definition of “edible” is amazingly flexible. This fucker will eat anything that comes close to it’s terrifying maw. Crabs, shrimp, fish, worms - anything with or without a pulse is at risk of suddenly being snatched by a horrifying giant worm and swallowed alive to be digested into slurry. If you’re lucky, though, it will miss and only ends up cutting you in half with the sheer force of its strike, completely by accident. Sweet dreams.

Speaking of its digestion, there is absolutely nothing that it cannot break down. It has zero problems wolfing down entire animals twice its width, and one incident involving a bobbit worm sneaking into an aquarium had it shred wire traps furnished with fishing hooks to pieces, then swallowing the hooks and digesting them, followed by eating its way through 20 pounds of fishing wire. I’m pretty sure the next thing to be broken down in its gut will be human civilization. 

And if there’s nothing around to eat, the bobbit worm still firmly refuses to die. It will sustain itself just fine on detritus, algae and tiny little silica-shelled plankton called diatoms who are easily some of the prettiest things in the ocean.

It eats pure aesthetic and turns it into rainbow cuticle and mandibles that can shred any fish to ribbons. The bobbit worm is truly the pastel goth of the ocean.

They also have a nasty habit of occasionally burrowing into rocks when young, and ending up in aquariums in secret. There, being the insidious little assholes that they are, they bury themselves into the sediment and secretly start to munch upon the dumbass utopian fish society inside the aquarium, growing from angry shoelace to technicolor abomination in the process. Often it takes years to notice the bobbit worm hanging out in your aquarium, which is a pretty big feat. Imagine if you had to stay concealed in an glass-walled aquarium for years... while being three to ten feet long and covered in garish rainbow color. This guy could effortlessly drive Naruto out of the colorful ninja business. Enjoy your paranoia next time you buy live rocks for your aquarium.

In D&D, the bobbit worm multiclasses as assassin and barbarian.

Now I hope you understand that being a fish is akin to cosmic horror. Any moment you might be cruelly snatched out of existence by a being that is outside your generally accepted reality (the water) and also happens to be shit-your-pants terrifying and even have tentacles to round out the Lovecraft aesthetic. And they are covered in bristles that cause permanent numbness, just by the way. Just in case they weren’t horrifying enough, Mama Nature’s got you covered.

Oh, and one last thing: they are found in all three oceans.

So anyway, how’s planning that seaside vacation going? Have fun!

Sources:

Encyclopedia of Life (EoL)

Echinoblog

Global Biotic Interactions (GloBI)

Ocean Biogeographic Information System (OBIS)

SCHULZE, Anja. The Bobbit worm dilemma: a case for DNA (Reply to Salazar-Vallejo et al. 2011. Giant Eunicid Polychaetes (Annelida) in shallow tropical and temperate seas. Rev. Biol. Trop. 59-4: 1463-1474)

The Daily Mail

#bestiary #bestiary revamped #polychaete #worm #annelid #predator #ridiculous jaws #sessile #colorful #nightmare fuel #too fucking large #nope #nope nope nope #so much nope #taking the nope train to fuckthatville

[mrskurt]

Let's see. 1. Odin did not get into the research program at the autism center for a speech therapy program because his language and speech delay is considered mild. MILD!?!? Good news but damn we really needed free speech therapy. Odin is also having a re-eval and the changes are huge but he's still having some apraxia tendencies, he uses all pronouns interchangeably and his wiggles and repetitive behaviors have multiplied. 2. School starts the second week of August and we've done nothing except therapy, social skills camps, the zoo, the aquarium and one small birthday party. 3. A few weeks ago I believe I started having some depression. I told my husband something was wrong and we gave me a week to find coping mechanisms and after that I would go to the doctor. My husband also made time so I could take some time off and also he's going through my honey do list. We have a last minute overnight trip planned before school starts. We are planning on doing a Christmas vacation trip I just need to pick a place near by and make a deposit and set up a dog sitter. 4. I left all my mommy Facebook groups. ALL. the local one is just a mess of racist, sexist, ableist, classist bullshit. WOC spoke up and sooo much white fragility. That was one of the straws that broke the camels back. I don't try to be a white savior, I'm here to listen and to stand up for those who need help. I don't need pats on the back for having POC friends. People stop being dicks to each other. Oh and c section bashing - fuck you. 5. I'm at the gym more and being way more productive especially with less social media shit. I'm starting a new venture to add to my painting business and on top of being CFO, billing, shipping, I am now working of finishing for our little family business. 6. Moving in. I see people frustrated with making their home a home after a month, six months, a year... someone told me it takes three years. Unless you have a huge income or are independently wealthy or have your parent's help, it takes time. This past month or so I've begun replacing linens, bedding and looking at more rugs, furniture and ways to organize our home office/dining room. Husband is building built ins last week and this week. It's hard watching these hgtv shows and not wishing my house was furnished, beautiful and tidy. But I remind myself, it'll get there and it's just stuff. 7. I'm cat sitting for two weeks and it's amazing. No one jumps on me and I got hissed at a few times but otherwise the other two like me. 8. We won't be visiting home this year if all goes as planned. Hopefully next summer Odin needs less services and we can go up for two weeks. 9. Ada is twenty months and amazing and feisty, critical and brilliant. She's forming her own routines and mannerisms. She yells at me and has opinions. Developmentally and speech wise, she's ahead. We are optimistic Ada will be neurotypical especially as she has recently become a lot more friendly to people she sees more often. 10. Odin has a big PT/OT eval. This will help me understand how much therapy he needs so I can apply for Katie Beckett. Katie Beckett would be a game changer for Odin. We are waiting on our denial letter from SSI. And that's all I have right now.

[captainvictoryboat]

Behind The Scenes 3 (5/???)

Author’s note: A portion of this is going to be familiar because it was from the sneak peek I gave out a while back. Don’t get me wrong though, there are still other details to this scene that are important to the story. Also, in terms of my writing, I just finished my Malaysia scene! This means I’m a step closer to finishing BTS 3 and knowing how many parts its going to be! Sorry for any errors.

Genre: Idk to be honest (Ft. GOT7′s Jackson)

Word count: 2075

City: Hong Kong

Summary: Rap monster calls you and the rest of the boys into his hotel room for an announcement

Other parts: HERE

This is my GIF. I made it based off of this scenario series.

Unlike the other cities, to go from Shanghai to Hong Kong, you all flew on a plane. From the time wasted waiting in the airport, to the plane ride, to the drive to the hotel, it was as total of about six hours of being stuck with everyone. You spent the whole time avoiding the Rap monster’s overbearing glare and Hiro’s existence as much as possible.

Aside from your own problems, Jin had a trouble of his own Every second he could, Jin was on his phone, keeping in contact with his girl Chuntao. Since you all were going to be in Hong Kong a few days, Rap monster suggested that Jin meet up with her as soon as possible to “better seal the deal” and make sure she would still take the “stuff” to Taipei.

-

The Hong Kong hotel was much nicer than the one in Shanghai. Well, in general, the more cities you traveled to, the better the quality of the hotel had gotten. The grouping for the hotel rooms was the same, except this time Jin got his own room, a room he was to share with Chuntao.

In this new hotel, the room you all got was much bigger that the last. It was furnished in a beautiful modern, monochrome theme. Although it was one large room, there was enough space for one very large TV accompanied by a couch and loveseat. The furniture made it feel as though it was an actual room on its own. The two queen beds were separated by an aquarium giving the impression or spate bedrooms. The bathroom was much more extravagant than the last as well. It was huge, practically the size of the room you and Jimin shared back at the dorm. There was a beautiful glass shower, a large Jacuzzi bathtub and his & her sinks.

“Wow, the last deal must have gone well.” Jimin said, placing his bag on the first bed.

V threw himself on the black leather couch. “Yup! We should also expect bigger cuts too!”He smiled.

Jungkook flopped face first into your bed “Except me!” He grumbled into the pillow

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but after tonight’s concert I call dibs on the bath tub!” Jimin said.

Just past your bed was the balcony. You slid open the tinted doors and stepped out onto the dark tile. “Wow, I didn’t realize we were so high up!”

V came up next to you, leaning on the dark metal railing to take in the view. “Wouldn’t it be great if we could fly? We could be this high all the time.”

“And we could fly anywhere too.” You added.

V pulled out his phone and began taking pictures.

“Are you gonna send those to your parents?”

“Yup!... Oh! Namjoon texted me. He wants us all to go to his room.”

The four of you  poured out of you room just in time to see Jin walking out of the elevator.

“Why were you on the elevator?” Jimin asked.

“The single bedroom rooms are on the floor below.” Jin explained.

“Oh!”

Jin nodded. “This place is nice though! My room had this beautiful beach theme. It feels so relaxing just being in there.”

“Ha, I’m sure “relaxed” is the last thing you’re goona be feeling when you’re taking Chuntao from behind!” Jungkook laughed with his pervy smile.

Jin rolled his eyes and ignored the maknae’s perverted comments. Being, the first one to reach the hyung room door, Jin quickly knocked in a way that expressed his growing agitation.

The door didn’t completely open. It just clicked open and you heard a voice fade away from the entrance. Jin held the door open and let the guys in, that was, up until it was your turn. As you straggled your way up to the door, he quickly ran inside and swung the heavy door in your face, trying to locking you out.

Lucky for you, you acted fast and used your foot to keep the door open and quietly let yourself in. “Fucking dick! Is he trying to get me in trouble?!?” you thought.

Upon first glance, the hyung room was very similar to yours. The only slight difference was that this room had a nature theme to it. It was decorated with lots of greens and light browns.  As you walked in, you spotted Rap monster and V on one side of the room as Rap monster spoke on the phone. You could feel his eyes on you as you came into the room. To avoid his gaze, you went over to the group of guys huddled at the corner of one of the beds and stuck yourself between Jimin and Jungkook.

“So why does he want us all here? We don’t have to leave for another two hours.” Jimin said.

“I don’t know why exactly... All I know is that Jackson is going to show up in a bit, but I don’t see why you guys have to be in here too.” Jhope said. He seemed just as confused as the rest of you.

“Just Jackson? What about the rest of the GOT7?” Jungkook asked.

“He is gonna be on a talk show here in Hong Kong, the rest of the guys are back in Seoul.” Suga mumbled.

Without you all realizing, there was a knock at the door. Rap monster was the one that opened it and let Jackson in. You guys only knew that he was there when you heard him shout, “Namjoon!” The second Jackson saw Rap monster, he dropped the bags he was holding and engulfed Rap monster into a bear hug. After a rather long embrace, he made his way over to the rest of you all. “Hey guys! Finally, I see you all again!” He smiled and proceeded to greet the rest of the guys in the same manner he did Rap monster. However, when he came up to you, his demeanor changed. His face wasn’t so cheerful as he glared at you. “You must be y/n.” he said ominously.

You were scared by his sudden change. The crazy look in his eye made him more threatening. It didn’t help that he seemed to hold himself the same way rap monster does. All you did was give a tiny nod.

“Hm, I thought you’d be prettier in person.” He scanned you from head to toe. “She’s in rather good condition.” His comment seemed to be directed to Rap monster who stood a few feet behind him. “Too good if you ask me…”

“Only for the sake of ARMY.” Rap monster said getting closer to the two of you.

Jackson’s eyes spotted the start of the scar on your collarbone. Without warning, he grabbed your shirt and pulled it off your shoulder to reveal the whole thing. “Was this you? Nice!” He said, once again referring to Rap monster. Finally, his eyes met yours. “Hm. You’re lucky you aren’t stuck with me. I would have done much worse.” He grinned

“What’s with the bags and boxes?” Suga asked, diverting Jackson’s attention.

Instantly, Jackson’s demeanor switched again. “Oh! I got you all some gifts!” He ran over and grabbed the stuff and then walked up to Suga first. “For you, a gold flask and new soundproof headphones. Hobi, for you, I got ahold of the newest shit on the market!” He pulled out a small bottle of pills. “The high is fucking amazing. It had me seeing fucking dragons and shit!” He took a step to Jimin. “Bambam suggested all this skin stuff for you! It’s all the top of the line stuff too… Jin! Here is a pokemon collectable thing for your kid. He likes that stuff right?”

“Mario actually.”

“Fuck! I was thinking about Taekwoon’s kid. Sorry about that!”

“No worries, he’ll still like this.” Jin smiled.

“Tae, for you I got you a leather jacket!” he grunted picking up the large box and unloading it into V’s arms. Then he moved over the Jungkook. “And for you, this new laptop! I got you one that wouldn’t get viruses and shit. Now you can watch all the porn you want! I figured that you wouldn’t be getting as much pussy anymore that you’re “dating”!” He laughed with his signature cackle. Now at the end of the line up, he looked down at you, once again his demeanor switching. He grabbed you and pulled you towards him. “… And why don’t I be your present?” He whispered.

Jimin let out a snort. “I wouldn’t do that if I were you~!” Jimin sang.

“Me either.” Jungkook added.

“Why not?” Jackson asked, still holding you.

“Take my word for it, she’s not that great.  You could definitely get way better from any random bitch.” Jungkook said in a nonchalant tone.

“She’s been passed around a lot. She’s probably got some shit going on down there.” Jimin said with a look of disgust.

“Ew!” Jackson said pushing you off him.

Rap monster came up a bit closer to Jackson. “And where’s my present?” He asked jokingly.

“The deal we have coming up is your present! You wouldn’t believe the strings I had to pull to get you in on it!”

“Ah, I see how it is.”

“If this deal goes well, we are set for life! I had to let you in on this to make it up to you. If it wasn’t for you, damn, I wouldn’t know where I’d be.”

“Dead… I’ve saved your ass at least 20 times.” Rap monster smiled. “… It amazes me that you’re deeper into to all this than I am.” You could hear a bit of bitterness in his voice.

“You can’t blame me for my connections. Athletes love their ‘roids!” He said matter-a-factly. “Ah, look at the time! I gotta head to the set. I’ll show up Sunday and we’ll head off to the deal! Bye guys!” he said as he left the room.

Rap monster’s eyes followed Jackson as he made his quick escape. “One of these days, I’m going to slaughter that precise mother of his right in front of him.” He growled.

-

Not long after Jackson left, you and the maknaes were dismissed. You four, followed by Suga and Jhope returned to your room. While everyone relished in their gifts, you thought about what Jackson being around could mean for you. In a slight daze, you sat next to Jungkook at the edge of the bed you both had to share.

Having noticed your mood, and in general not wanting you sitting next to Jungkook, Suga came and plopped himself in the small space between you and the youngest member. Jhope too had noticed your somber expression and placed himself at your other side.

“Sorry about what we said earlier y/n. We had to be that way…” Jimin said as he walked to your side of the room.

Jungkook leaned forward so that you were able to see him past Suga. “Yeah, we didn’t mean anything by it!” he added.

Suga raised an eyebrow at the both of them.

“Don’t give us that face!” Jimin said. “We didn’t want Jackson getting his hands on her!”

You rested your head on Jhope’s shoulder “It’s okay guys. I know what you were trying to do.” You mumbled. You felt a squeeze of your fingers and looked up to see Suga offering you a slightly reassuring smile.

“Don’t be so mopey guys!” V grinned. “The good news is, with Jackson here, that means Namjoon is going to be pretty~ busy! He probably won’t even sneak into the room tonight.”

“Sneak in? When did he sneak in?” you swung around to face him.

“Remember! I told you guys that he’s been taking our room key! He’s been coming into the room every night, sometimes even twice a night. Haven’t you guys heard him?!?”

“No!” you, Jimin, and Jungkook said.

You looked between Suga and Jhope. “Has he really been doing that?!?”

They both shrugged at you. “We are always knocked out at night.” Jhope peeped.

“What does he do when he’s in here?!?” Suga asked V.

V gave a small shrug. “Eh, he just walks in, stares at us all and then walks out.” He spoke as if it was completely normal.

You shivered at just the thought of that happening.

“But~ with Jackson here, they will be busy all night, so that shouldn’t happen!” V reminded.

#bts #got7 #jackson #bangtan boys #kpop scenarios #kpop texts #bangtan #rap monster #kpo reactions #jin #jungkook #jimin #jhope #v #suga #namjoon #taehyung #jackson wang #bts scenarios #bts series #behind the scenes #mafia au #bts mafia #kpop reactions

[paull-green]

How do I stop#act#block#break#catch#cease#conclusion#consonant#constraint#disrupt#ending#finish#forbid#foreclose#forestall#grab#halt#interrupt#kibosh#knob#labial#layover#occlusive#place#plosive#preclude#prevent#quit#restraint#spot#stay#stopover#stoppage#terminate# my dog from barking?

Controlling the noise#dissonance#disturbance#interference#racket#sound#trouble# level#aim#construction#destroy#destruct#direct#dismantle#even#indicator#layer#place#plane#point#rank#rase#raze#stage#state#steady#storey#story#stratum#structure#surface#take#tier#train# of your dog is an important#alpha#arch#beta#big#burning#cardinal#central#chief#consequential#copernican#crucial#distinguished#eminent#essential#eventful#fundamental#grave#great#grievous#heavy#historic#influential#key#main#measurable#primal#primary#principal#serious#significant#strategic#useful#valuable#weighty# responsibility#area#arena#domain#field#obligation#orbit#responsibleness#sphere#trustiness#trustworthiness# for every owner#businessman#human#individual#mortal#person#possessor#proprietor#somebody#someone#soul#. Excessive#Extravagant#Exuberant#Immoderate#Inordinate#Overweening#Undue#Unreasonable#Unrestrained# barking can be disturbing both for you and your neighbours. Why all the noise#dissonance#disturbance#interference#racket#sound#trouble#? In order#arrangement#condition#dictate#enjoin#impose#inflict#magnitude#ordering#ordination#organisation#organization#position#prescribe#prescript#request#rule#say#sect#status#tell#visit# to solve#calculate#cipher#compute#cypher#determine#figure#lick#reckon#settle#understand#work# the problem#difficulty#job#, the first#archetypal#archetypical#basic#best#early#eldest#firstborn#firstly#foremost#forward#freshman#front#gear#honours#initial#introductory#low#no.#oldest#opening#ordinal#original#position#premier#premiere#primary#prime#prototypal#prototypic#prototypical#rank# step#block#interval#locomote#locomotion#maneuver#manoeuvre#measure#move#quantify#rank#stair#support#travel#tread# is to understand#believe#interpret#read#realise#realize#see#translate# why a dog barks. 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When you get home#abode#bag#base#domestic#domicile#habitation#housing#institution#interior#internal#location#lodging#national#place#plate#residence#, make#accomplish#achieve#act#alter#attain#change#create#egest#eliminate#excrete#form#gain#get#head#hit#kind#micturate#modify#neaten#pass#pee#piddle#piss#play#pretend#puddle#represent#sort#straighten#tidy#urinate#variety#wee#work# sure#careful#certain#reliable#trustworthy#trusty# you play#act#action#activity#alteration#amount#attempt#behave#caper#change#diversion#drama#effort#endeavor#endeavour#freedom#frolic#gambol#humor#humour#jest#joke#measure#modification#movability#movableness#music#perform#playact#quantity#recreate#recreation#represent#roleplay#romp#spiel#sport#try#wit#witticism#wittiness# with him and give#administer#afford#allot#apply#break#cater#cerebrate#change#cogitate#commit#communicate#consecrate#create#deal#dedicate#devote#dispense#distribute#elasticity#employ#founder#free#fund#furnish#gift#lot#make#move#pay#ply#present#provide#release#relinquish#render#resign#snap#spring#springiness#stretch#supply#think#use#utilise#utilize#yield# him some#any#both#few#many#several#whatever#whatsoever# tonic#accented#medicament#medication#medicine#note#pitch#restorative#tone# exercises. 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If your dog sees someone approaching#coming#forthcoming#future#motion#move#movement#timing#upcoming# the house#accommodation#asylum#business#concern#domiciliate#refuge#sanctuary#shelter#, he will#faculty#gift#give#instrument#leave#module#present#testament# bark#strip# to let you know#bang#bed#bonk#cognise#cognize#copulate#couple#eff#experience#fuck#hump#jazz#live#mate#pair#screw#see#undergo#. This is because he sees you as the "leader#beguiler#cheat#cheater#deceiver#feature#human#individual#mortal#person#slicker#somebody#someone#soul#trickster# of the pack#arrange#association#bundle#compact#compress#corrective#feature#have#hike#lade#laden#load#mob#restorative#ring#take#wad#" and so he will#faculty#gift#give#instrument#leave#module#present#testament# warn#admonish#advise#counsel#discourage#monish# you of a potential#latent#possibility#possible#possibleness#potency#potentiality#voltage# danger so that you can investigate#analyse#analyze#canvas#canvass#enquire#examine#inquire#probe#study#. Some#Any#Both#Few#Many#Several#Whatever#Whatsoever# dogs have#acquire#bang#bed#bonk#change#eff#feature#fuck#get#hit#hold#human#hump#individual#jazz#know#love#make#mortal#person#possess#score#screw#somebody#someone#soul#tally# been bred to be alert#alarum#alive#awake#aware#conscious#fly#lidless#lively#perched#perked#preparation#preparedness#readiness#sign#signal#signaling#sleepless#vigilant#wakeful#warn#warning#wary#watchful# and this may be a behaviour#action#activeness#activity#conduct#doings# you want#deprivation#essential#impoverishment#necessary#necessity#need#poorness#poverty#require#requirement#requisite# to encourage. Let your dog bark#strip# to get your attention#aid#attending#tending#work#, but silence#quiet# him once#erst#erstwhile#formerly# you are sure#careful#certain#reliable#trustworthy#trusty# there are no intruders. Stick#Adhere#Adopt#Espouse#Follow#Force#Joystick#Lay#Lever#Place#Pose#Position#Put#Set#Thrust# to one method It is important#alpha#arch#beta#big#burning#cardinal#central#chief#consequential#copernican#crucial#distinguished#eminent#essential#eventful#fundamental#grave#great#grievous#heavy#historic#influential#key#main#measurable#primal#primary#principal#serious#significant#strategic#useful#valuable#weighty# that you adopt#accept#borrow#choose#espouse#follow#have#select#take# a specific#circumstantial#fact#limited#particular#particularised#particularized#peculiar#precise#proper#special#specialised#specialized#unique# method when training#activity#breeding#grooming#preparation#upbringing# your dog. Dogs respond#act#move# positively to routine#bit#function#number#package#performance#procedure#process#software#subprogram#subroutine#turn# and this will#faculty#gift#give#instrument#leave#module#present#testament# greatly increase#amount#gain#growth#increment#process# your chances of success. Perhaps you've already taken#appropriated#arrogated#assumed#condemned#confiscate#confiscated#embezzled#expropriated#purloined#seized#stolen#understood#usurped# your puppy#younker#youth# to training#activity#breeding#grooming#preparation#upbringing# classes. If not, why not give#administer#afford#allot#apply#break#cater#cerebrate#change#cogitate#commit#communicate#consecrate#create#deal#dedicate#devote#dispense#distribute#elasticity#employ#founder#free#fund#furnish#gift#lot#make#move#pay#ply#present#provide#release#relinquish#render#resign#snap#spring#springiness#stretch#supply#think#use#utilise#utilize#yield# it a try now? It's never too late#advanced#belatedly#dead#lately#latish#latterly#modern#new#past#posthumous#previous#recent#ripe#tardily#tardive#tardy#unpunctual# to teach#blackbeard#buccaneer#inform#instruct#learn#pirate#thatch# older#experienced#senior#sr.# dogs new tricks. What's more#author#many#much#solon#statesman#writer# Courses are great#eager#enthusiastic#extraordinary#high#large#major#majuscule#outstanding#uppercase#zealous# places to develop#acquire#alter#ameliorate#amend#better#change#educate#evolve#get#grow#improve#instruct#learn#meliorate#modify#prepare#produce#teach# new skills in handling#direction#management#manipulation#touch#touching# your dog. "To teach#blackbeard#buccaneer#inform#instruct#learn#pirate#thatch# your dog to obey you when you tell#affirm#archer#assert#aver#avow#bowman#enjoin#inform#narrate#recite#recount#request#say#swan#swear#verify# him to be quiet#calm#calmness#comfort#composure#console#equanimity#inaudible#lull#noiseless#order#peaceful#placidity#quiescent#quieten#relaxing#reposeful#restful#serenity#silent#slumberous#slumbrous#soft#solace#soothe#soundless#still#stilly#tame#tiptoe#tranquil#tranquility#tranquilize#tranquillise#tranquillity#tranquillize#unagitated#uneventful#unhearable#unostentatious#unpretending#unpretentious#unruffled#untroubled#, you'll first#archetypal#archetypical#basic#best#early#eldest#firstborn#firstly#foremost#forward#freshman#front#gear#honours#initial#introductory#low#no.#oldest#opening#ordinal#original#position#premier#premiere#primary#prime#prototypal#prototypic#prototypical#rank# need#beggary#condition#demand#essential#impoverishment#necessary#necessity#pauperism#pauperization#penury#poorness#poverty#require#requirement#requisite#status# to get his attention#aid#attending#tending#work# when he barks. Use a noisy#abuzz#blatant#buzzing#cacophonic#cacophonous#clamant#clamorous#clanging#clangorous#clanking#clattering#clattery#creaking#creaky#crying#droning#hissing#howling#loud#rackety#reedy#screaky#screaming#screeching#shouting#shrieking#spluttering#sputtering#stertorous#strident#swishing#swishy#thundering#uproarious#vociferous#wheezy#whining#whirring#yelling# object#end#entity#goal#objective#target#, such#much#specified# as a can full#afloat#ample#awash#booming#brimful#brimfull#brimming#chockablock#chockful#complete#congested#engorged#filled#flooded#fraught#glutted#good#grumbling#heavy#high#increase#instinct#inundated#laden#ladened#loaded#nourished#orotund#overflowing#overfull#overladen#overloaded#plangent#pregnant#replete#rich#riddled#rotund#round#rumbling#sonorous#sounding#stentorian#stuffed#swarming#total#untasted#untouched#whole# of coins, and command#bid#bidding#code#compel#control#dictation#enjoin#lie#mastery#order#overlook#overtop#require#say#skillfulness#statement#tell# him to be quiet#calm#calmness#comfort#composure#console#equanimity#inaudible#lull#noiseless#order#peaceful#placidity#quiescent#quieten#relaxing#reposeful#restful#serenity#silent#slumberous#slumbrous#soft#solace#soothe#soundless#still#stilly#tame#tiptoe#tranquil#tranquility#tranquilize#tranquillise#tranquillity#tranquillize#unagitated#uneventful#unhearable#unostentatious#unpretending#unpretentious#unruffled#untroubled#. As soon#presently#shortly# as your dog stops barking, compliment#congratulations#kudos#praise# him and give#administer#afford#allot#apply#break#cater#cerebrate#change#cogitate#commit#communicate#consecrate#create#deal#dedicate#devote#dispense#distribute#elasticity#employ#founder#free#fund#furnish#gift#lot#make#move#pay#ply#present#provide#release#relinquish#render#resign#snap#spring#springiness#stretch#supply#think#use#utilise#utilize#yield# him a reward#act#aftermath#approval#approving#benefit#blessing#consequence#instruct#learn#move#payoff#reinforcement#repay#teach#welfare#. Never yell#shout#utterance#vocalization# at him to shut#closed#keep#prevent#turn#unopen# him up. This could make#accomplish#achieve#act#alter#attain#change#create#egest#eliminate#excrete#form#gain#get#head#hit#kind#micturate#modify#neaten#pass#pee#piddle#piss#play#pretend#puddle#represent#sort#straighten#tidy#urinate#variety#wee#work# him anxious#eager#nervous#troubled#uneasy#unquiet# and undermine#counteract#countermine#disobey#hollow#subvert#weaken# the learning#acquisition# process#activity#affect#appendage#cognition#deliver#enation#growth#impact#knowledge#noesis#operation#outgrowth#touch#transform#transmute#treat#walk#writ#. In addition#acquisition#component#constituent#element#gain#improver#increase#plus#, your dog could easily mistake#error#fault#identify#misapprehension#misconception#misstatement#nonachievement#slip# your yelling#call#cry#outcry#shout#vociferation#yell# for barking similar#akin#analogous#confusable#connatural#correspondent#corresponding#kindred#quasi#related#same#siamese#twin# to his. Shouting#Call#Cry#Encouragement#Outcry#Shout#Vociferation#Yell# only#exclusive# reinforces his barking habit#abuse#custom#misuse#tradition#usage#usance#use#wont#. To sum up Training#Activity#Breeding#Grooming#Preparation#Upbringing# is always#e'er#ever# the best#advisable#champion#finest#first#foremost#good#human#incomparable#individual#mortal#optimal#optimum#person#physiologist#primo#prizewinning#somebody#someone#soul#superfine#superior#top#uncomparable#unexceeded#unexcelled#unsurpassable#unsurpassed# way to correct#accurate#exact#penalise#penalize#precise#proper#punish#rectify#reverse#right#straight#turn# your dog's behaviour#action#activeness#activity#conduct#doings#. Remember#Advert#Cite#Mention#Name#Recall#Recollect#Refer#Retrieve#Think#, however#nevertheless#nonetheless#notwithstanding#still#withal#yet#, that it is perfectly#dead#utterly# normal#average#connatural#formula#inborn#inbred#mean#median#modal#native#natural#pattern#practice#regular#rule#sane#standard#typical# for a dog to bark#strip#. Only#Exclusive# when it becomes excessive#extravagant#exuberant#immoderate#inordinate#overweening#undue#unreasonable#unrestrained# and disruptive#riotous#troubled#tumultuous#turbulent#unquiet# should you take#abide#accept#acquire#affirm#ask#assert#aver#avow#bang#bear#bed#bonk#brook#buy#conduct#construe#cover#cross#deal#decide#demand#determine#digest#direct#eff#endure#exact#expend#fuck#get#guide#have#head#hold#hump#interpret#involve#jazz#know#love#move#necessitate#need#occupy#position#postulate#purchase#require#screw#see#select#sicken#stand#stomach#strike#submit#suffer#support#swan#swear#tolerate#track#train#traverse#undergo#use#verify#withdraw#work# action#activeness#activity#challenge#litigate#mechanism#proceeding#proceedings#process#production#spread#spreading#state#sue#. If the barking persists despite this, your vet will#faculty#gift#give#instrument#leave#module#present#testament# be able#competent#fit#healthy# to give#administer#afford#allot#apply#break#cater#cerebrate#change#cogitate#commit#communicate#consecrate#create#deal#dedicate#devote#dispense#distribute#elasticity#employ#founder#free#fund#furnish#gift#lot#make#move#pay#ply#present#provide#release#relinquish#render#resign#snap#spring#springiness#stretch#supply#think#use#utilise#utilize#yield# you further#added#advance#boost#encourage#far#more#promote# advice and may suggest#advise#convey#declare#evince#evoke#express#impart#imply#inform#intimate#show# other#added#additional#another#different#else#new#opposite#otherwise#remaining#separate# techniques.

http://obediencetrainingfordogsblog.com/

#dog #obedience #dogtraining

[apartmentdiet]

7 helpful posts from /r/personalfinance

One of my favorite things to read is /r/personalfinance.

Here are seven of my favorite posts from the sub — and what YOU can learn from them.

7 valuable Reddit personal finance posts

1. “Paying rent isn’t throwing away money.”

If I ever go bald, know it’s because I tore my hair out every time I heard people say this.

From the /r/personalfinance thread:

While it is true that when you buy a home a portion of your monthly mortgage payment will be going to principal, and therefore you are paying yourself in some ways, however, the cost of home ownership is significant. Some of the lesser known costs include the lack of flexibility, stress, the risk of home price declines, home maintenance, real estate taxes, and HOA fees.

These are also known as phantom costs — the expenses you don’t normally consider when you buy a house.

OP also offers a great mental reframing of rent, saying, “As human beings, there are several things we need to survive, including food and shelter. Paying money for rent is no more a ‘waste’ of money than paying for food is.”

For more, be sure to check out my article on real estate investing myths and my post on how to buy a house.

2. “Your parents took decades to furnish their house.”

It’s easy to look at someone successful and compare yourselves to them. You start feeling like you aren’t doing enough to reach your own goals and might try to rush things to achieve their level of success.

In reality, the most successful people devoted a lot of time and energy into getting to where they are — and you should do the same.

That’s what’s at the heart of this thread about the importance of patience when it comes to your goals:

If you’re just starting out, remember that it took your parents decades to collect all the furniture, decorations, appliances, etc you are used to having around. It’s easy to forget this because you started remembering things a long while after they started out together, so it feels like that’s how a house should always be.

It’s impossible for most people starting out to get to that level of settled in without burying themselves in debt. So relax, take your time, and embrace the emptiness! You’ll enjoy the house much more if you’re not worried about how to pay for everything all the time.

So whether you’re saving for your wedding or trying to get out of debt, know that these things take time and that’s okay. Once you stop worrying about trying to accomplish your goals quickly, you can focus your mental energy on the things you can control to accomplish your goals.

3. “I found out a coworker with the same job is making twice as much as me.”

A fascinating story about a research assistant who finds out she’s being paid MUCH less than a coworker who joined six months after she got the job.

When she raised the issue to management, her boss tried pulling some corporate trickery that’s common with bad companies:

One week later she called me into her office. She absolutely berated me for thinking I could move into the coordinator position for which I was already doing the work, and complained about my work performance. Last month I had an evaluation, and received very high praise for my performance, and there has not ever been complaints about my performance in the past. All in all, I assume she was making excuses not to increase my pay.

Eventually, she was able to find a job at another place that offered her more than she was currently earning — which led to a bidding war between her old boss and her new employer (aka the best position you could possibly be in as a job seeker).

A few lessons for job seekers from this post:

Negotiate mercilessly. OP could have just shrugged her shoulders and kept quiet when she found out she could be earning more — BUT she didn’t. She addressed the issue and now has two different companies vying for her work. That’s why it’s always in your best interest to negotiate your salary even if you think you’re earning enough.

Adopt an abundance mindset. It’s easy to take any job offer that comes your way — especially when money’s tight. OP had two job offers and knew that if one didn’t work out, the other would be there for her. This is also known as an abundance mentality, and it can be a powerful mental shift for the way you approach finances.

Know your worth. The first step to any salary negotiation is knowing how much you’re worth. While websites like Glassdoor or PayScale can help you get a good sense of this, talking to people in your field about their earnings can give you a sense of what you should be making (like OP did). So don’t be afraid to ask. Top Performers do all they can to know what they’re worth.

Be sure to check out my article on how to negotiate your salary and the Briefcase Technique for more.

4. What to do when a loved one dies.

When tragedy strikes, you find yourself asking questions you’ve never even considered before. This /r/personalfinance thread tries to answer one of those questions: How do I handle my finances when someone I love dies?

While the post deals with money accounts and estate issues beautifully, it also goes into the more lesser known parts of dealing with death, like where to get an urn:

The funeral home won’t tell you this, but you don’t have to buy things like urns and whatnot from them. I chose to, because the prospect of receiving a plastic baggie with my husband’s ashes that I would have to deal with was horrifying. A friend bought an urn for his father’s ashes on Amazon. There are options that are cheaper than the funeral home, but I chose to pay the obscene markup so that I wouldn’t have to deal with the logistics.

Overall, it’s a great read for anyone — even if you haven’t suffered any personal tragedies. It’s an excellent perspective on life, death, and where our finances fit in between it all.

5. “We decided not to buy a bearded dragon.”

For some, a Rich Life means a new car, ordering appetizers at restaurants, or paying off their debt. For others, it’s a desert lizard chilling out in a reptile aquarium in their living room.

Or at least that’s what one Reddit user thought when he got ready to buy a bearded dragon for his son’s birthday. When he ran the numbers though, he realized that the investment he’d be making into the pet would be much more than he bargained for.

[We] learned it needs expensive UV bulbs that last about 6 months and are about $40 each. Also the electricity cost the run this heat 24 hours can be a drain on the electric bill.

Also the beardie needs to go to the vet every 6 months for a checkup. And finally, food. They have a very diverse diet and can eat up to $15 per week in foods. So I did a total cost analysis for a beardie that lives 12 years and it turned out to be a whopping $10,000.

This is a great example of figuring out what fits into your Rich Life. I’m a big believer in spending on the things you truly love and ignoring the rest. So if you believe that a bearded dragon will help you live your Rich Life, by all means buy that lizard!

However, if you find that the benefits of caring for a reptile native to sweltering deserts for a decade aren’t worth the money and energy, don’t worry about it. Your Rich Life is what YOU make of it.

Also LOL at this robotically cold statement from a commenter: “It’s about ROI on the pet. Dogs are more fulfilling companions than a lizard. At least that’s the case with OP.”

6. What to do when you lose everything in a fire.

Sometimes we do all we can to prevent disaster — but it ends up happening anyway. Case in point: Losing everything you own in a fire like this OP.

One former insurance worker offered their incredibly insightful advice on how the insurance company is going to approach the situation and what OP should do to get the most out of his claims.

The biggest takeaway: Use the truth to your advantage. The commenter then used an example of how one guy used his situation to net him a five-figure insurance claim.

I remember one specific customer … he had some old, piece of shit projector (from mid-late 90s) that could stream an equally piece of shit consumer camcorder. Worth like $5 at a scrap yard. It had some oddball fucking resolution it could record at, though — and the guy strongly insisted that we replace with “Like Kind and Quality” (trigger words). Ended up being a $65k replacement, because the only camera on the market happened to be a high-end professional video camera (as in, for shooting actual movies). $65-goddam-thousand-dollars because he knew that loophole, and researched his shit.

This goes to illustrate a big point when it comes to anything insurance related: Do your research. Once you know the rules of the game you’re playing (whether it be taxes, insurance, or salary negotiations), the better positioned you are to win.

7. Explain it like I’m 18/22/30/40.

These threads are the perfect place to start if you’re completely new to the world of personal finance (aside from IWT of course).  

These guides break down important themes for your personal finance journey at different stages of your life. They are:

ELI18. For when you’re out of the house for the first time and wouldn’t recognize a 401k if it walked up to you and slapped the fidget spinner out of your hand. Great advice on topics like opening bank accounts, applying for a credit card, and even finding a roommate.

ELI22. So you’ve graduated college and are out in the “real world.” Scary right? This post makes it a little less scary by providing a solid introduction to taxes, contributing to retirement, and paying off your student loans.

ELI30. When you’re 30, a whole new crop of financial questions start coming up. How do I handle money when I get married? How do I buy a house? I have a dog … that’s like taking care of a baby right? This comprehensive post helps answer a few of those questions.

ELI40. The name of the game at 40 and beyond is retirement — rather, it’s making sure your investments are best positioned for when you retire. This post is a great primer on planning for the future and beyond.

Why I LOVE /r/PersonalFinance

You probably wouldn’t say anything if a friend or coworker tells you about a money decision you don’t agree with (racking up credit card debt, buying a house with little income, etc.). But if you saw the same issues on Reddit personal finance, you’d let the world know exactly how you feel about their issues and what you’d do instead.

It’s this level of honesty that helps us see how people really use money — and how to use it yourself.

Whether you’re in your forties planning out your retirement or you’re still in high school trying to figure out what to do with your paycheck, I’m glad you’re here.

I want to give you something that can help you take your personal finances to the next level:

The Ultimate Guide to Personal Finance

In it, you’ll learn how to:

Master your 401k: Take advantage of free money offered to you by your company … and get rich while doing it.

Manage Roth IRAs: Start saving for retirement in a worthwhile long-term investment account.

Spend the money you have — guilt-free: By leveraging the systems in this book, you’ll learn exactly how you’ll be able to save money to spend without the guilt.

Enter your info below and get on your way to living a Rich Life today.

7 helpful posts from /r/personalfinance is a post from: I Will Teach You To Be Rich.

#Vanessa Napier

[tombaragwanath]

138 Haiku for Ahm-Ree-Kah

Said Whitman one time: “America: that great poem.” The greatest, even.

In this tradition, let me present most humbly a Whitman’s sampler.

Only with fewer Cashew Clusters™ and slightly more facetiousness.

Los Angeles

Who has ever seen such strong light hitting green hills? And highways, highways.

A smiling man in a green and white food truck hands me three tacos.

Golden, delicious, they go well with the soda people keep on hand.

Big Sur

Mountains roll sharply into angry green-white surf. Bridges span chasms.

Where did Kerouac sleep, as a local? Was it in this log cabin?

Likely not. This spot is muddy, expensive, and less than fully Zen.

Cannery Row

Rattlesnakes, dusty- eyed and serene, fill my thoughts of this dream-like place.

In reality, Mac & co have moved on. The hotel looks nice, though.

Steinbeck and Ricketts: dudes sharing their many loves. Got to commend that.

I think I buy this book for people because it is short and punchy.

In that it punches the reader in the heart with warm contemplations.

Look, just go buy a copy for yourself. Hell, send me your damn address.

San Francisco

Orange steel stretches impossibly across churn and wash of green salt.

How could you not love the city of Al Ginsberg? Rain falls in warm streets.

I run up to the big red radio tower. A glorious view.

This one other dude was running close behind me. I felt I knew him.

Amtrak: San Francisco to Chicago

The furnishings may be dated, but the burgers? Salty. Prepared weekly.

Who cares? This train goes through snowy mountains, deserts, and seven (eight?) states.

The viewing car is full of folks taking it in with icy cold drinks.

Everyone wants to talk at lunch. Wrestling, birds, democracy, Trump.

Good thing every one of these passengers is well over sixty.

Plenty of time to gather esoteric facts for polite strangers.

There’s a kindness, a lulling passivity of wheels over tracks.

We share a “roomette”. Lordy, to be paid to come up with product names.

Seventy hours on the train. I could have stayed on no problem at all.

Chicago

Where can we find Jeff Tweedy? I guess I thought he would just be around.

Those cake stand towers are right outside our hotel. Black against blue sky.

The freezing wind lifts from Lake Michigan like a swift kick in the teeth.

The lines in the grey city stay sharp as night falls over the water.

In the donut shop a young kid clutches pastry tight in his fingers.

If we lived here I’d likely revert back to him. They were that damn good.

“Fire Cakes”. Hell of a name for sugar, pastry, cream. Better than DD.

Detroit

I keep a lookout for ambiguous danger, but I need not fret.

Once shrines to commerce, now dusty car garages. I guess it happens.

Some dude is buying up city blocks and hiring his own police force.

How do locals feel? Is the cash grab members-only? Who is invited?

Our Uber driver has a kind face. He tutors math on Monday nights.

He drives us to Grosse Pointe. “Old-school rich Detroiters.” He knows a few souls.

A bored waiter feeds us some gourmet duck fried rice. We talk past closing.

New York City (Vol. 1)

Hello again, dear friend. I see your street vendors are still hustling dosas.

We walk in Central Park under light snow. Who keeps knitting dog sweaters?

Bowling, falafel, Animal Collective, beers. Sleepy subway home.

Montreal

We walk a mastiff cross named Mischa. The sidewalk salt hurts her paw pads.

The temperature? Negative butthole degrees. Still kids play hockey.

Poutine, coffee, sleep. When wearing two coats just isn’t enough.

Boston

A guy selling ham sandwiches knows about home. “Mate! Bro!”, he exclaims.

We walk the brick lane of Paul Revere’s freedom trail to get cannoli.

Can one highway off- ramp cleave itself into four? In Boston, it might.

Brattleboro, Vt.

Sweet land of Bernie! Syrup, pie, cider, pecans. Anarchist bookstores.

We find a brewery serving solely sour brews with faux-Catholic names.

“The Angry Bishop.” “Cardinal’s Peach Party Ale.” You get the idea.

Who knew a maple latte could actually be good? Fuck Starbucks™.

Our dear friends have a small human baby! We read Hairy MacLary.

Boston (again)

So much brotherhood present tonight at the men’s candlestick bowling.

They let Dianny rent shoes, but keep an eye out for any girl stuff.

Philadelphia

City of the Roots! Of Federal Fried Chicken! Of Kurt Vile’s soft drawl!

Isaiah Zagar. His name is colour, movement; a poem in itself.

We visit all the historical stuff. Highlight? Hot cheese steaks. No shame.

Washington D.C.

We stand hemmed in with a million other people. And yet, no ruckus.

Except the ruckus of a giant yarn uterus. That’s dedication.

On the bus homeward passengers doze against each other, smiling, spent.

Baltimore

Four-storey spiral shark tank. Kindly swim clockwise, or you’ll be gnawed at.

Aquarium, then Shake Shack™. Penguins, tortoises, wee sloth family.

They have these fishes that aim spit at bugs, knocking them into the stream.

Our Uber driver is a chicken connoisseur. He suggests Popeye’s.

Our burgers make him peckish. We offer to share. He laughs. He’s all good.

We spend the morning with Bloody Marys and some crab cake Benedict.

And the afternoon sharing cheesecake, fudge blocks, and enjoying Face / Off.

Blue Ridge Parkway

It is my birthday. And our anniversary. Waffle House™ it is.

Two lovely old chaps man the lonely tourism centre. It’s winter.

We’re likely the sole visitors for the day. They seem just fine with that.

The long drive rewards us with thick stands of fir trees dripping with winter.

A recreated length of train tracks shows us where commerce once began.

Are the bears sleeping? Unclear. Better keep any Snyder’s™ in the car.

We come upon an abandoned farm house. Trees grow clear through the iron roof.

Grizzled red cattle stand in the shade of an old leaning wooden barn.

Dianny takes a bunch of photos. I prepare myself for locals.

The parkway sometimes seems to run itself purely into the blue sky.

The precise hue of the blue hills evades capture   in these meagre words.

Suffice to tell you: the breath quickens, the heart swells, and everything stops.

Asheville

We wind up stopping in Asheville. They have a sweet pinball museum.

Murakami would thoroughly lose his shit with the range of machines.

We eat salty fried green tomatoes, cheese grits, and Madras chilli fries.

Nashville

Yo La Tengo are fans of Prince’s Hot Chicken. Take their word for it.

Did you ever eat chicken so hot you had to avoid touching…parts?

Trust me, dearest friends. Do not mess about with these rocks of pure hellspice.

The old Drake Hotel. “Stay where the stars stay!” In the seventies, perhaps.

We meet a couple from Carolina outside the Bluebird Café.

They have one ticket between them. She goes in. He peers through the glass door.

We continue to eat the kind of barbeque one might brag about.

Charleston

A sign outside a bar proclaims the presence of Bill Murray. Cheap trick.

Doesn’t stop us from pulling off the road in a cloud of gravel dust.

What a pair of chumps. We practice our lines in case he needs two more friends.

An anti-climax, but we still enjoy foaming ale (and more pinball).

Our BNB host has framed pictures of Xena, Warrior Princess.

She is thrilled to hear where we’re from. Less thrilled to hear we don’t know Lucy.

Savannah

Tickets for Moonlight. Two other people in the cinema. Both leave.

More great barbeque. Cornbread, sticky ribs, collards. One meal for the day.

St. Augustine

A diamond-shaped stone fortress keeps the harbour safe from the English hordes.

Portly volunteers fire the neutered guns hourly just to scare tourists.

Orlando

Okay, we did it. We went to Universal™. We have few regrets.

Di got to pretend to be a wizard for a time. Wand included.

Turns out Butter Beer is a kind of ginger fizz with marshmallow foam.

My younger stomach was far better at dealing with roller coasters.

Still, I ride them all. Because I am a tightwad. And also, reals tough.

Two days of this stuff is enough for me to crave a quiet darkened room.

Miami

Will Smith was correct. Miami certainly does bring the heat, for real.

We sneak in to some hotel lounge chairs and disguise ourselves as ballers.

No one is convinced, but the waiters humour us. I get lobster burnt.

I get to practice my toddler-grade español with real life toddlers.

Donde es Tomas? El es aqui! El es muy fuerte, y tonto!

Es peligroso para tocar los…raccoons...  (I don’t know “raccoons”).

New Orleans

There is a riot of big band horns lifting through the hot fragrant air.

Carry your open drink anywhere you like, friend. Just be nice, or leave.

We rent bicycles and spend long warm afternoons avoiding pot holes.

A boisterous young dude yells to us through a broken window as we pass.

Stay off Bourbon Street. It’s like Courtenay Place, but somehow even worse.

We stumble upon an impossibly raucous Mardi Gras parade.

One float shows paper mache Putin gleefully rogering Donald.

Another Donald is roped above a sharp-toothed  sarlacc vagina.

Elsewhere, Donalds endure a colourful range of brutal torture.

All of the craft stores must have sold out of his shade of neon orange.

The vile bloat of his maniac features seems a popular float choice.

Just not popular enough for the popular vote. Can’t help myself.

Our cab driver is most delighted to hear us use the term “had beef”.

He tells us he has always wanted to travel to Australia.

New York City (Vol. 2)

NYC round two! It’s so nice to be back in your cathedral streets.

We create habits: Morning run, bagel, coffee, then museums.

A couple of films, a trip to Katz’s deli for pastrami on rye.

An afternoon in Bushwick, fossicking about in the vintage aisles.

Time is running out in a nice way. Three months is likely sufficient.

Last day. JFK. John Mayer sings with great breath in duty-free aisles.

A table of young Russians pick hot pineapple from pizza slices.

Soon I will not speak the language. I think I was alright at charades.

Thank you, Ahm-Ree-Kah. Your people have been a trip. All the best with Trump.