#also when I was reading it people would always be hyping up the family WHO ENSLAVED RASHTA?? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

etherealising · 10 months

Text

chapter one | a berzatto family christmas

masterlist | next chapter ↣

pairing(s): carmen berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!michael berzatto x fem!reader : platonic!richie jerimovich x fem!reader

summary: you reunite with carmy years later at the berzatto family christmas party.

warnings: language (cursing), blasphemy, angst (maybe?), spoilers kinda (if you haven't seen season 2 don't read), the berzatto family, not dialogue heavy, very subtle hints to mikey being suicidal, probably ooc!characters, idk what else but if you find something let me know please! not beta’d and minimal editing so sorry for any mistakes. i also wrote this overstimulated on caffeine so if it doesn’t make sense or it’s repetitive then we know why : )

semantics: no use of Y/N: reader goes by the nickname Baby it has a backstory and its literally so simple, if this bothers you idk what to tell you, sorry : (

wc: 4.7k

You were standing on the sidewalk, nerves filling your body as you hyped yourself up to take the few steps left to the porch and ring the doorbell. You shouldn’t have been so nervous, you knew that but your mind was spinning with the myriad of scenarios both good and bad; that could play out once you stepped foot past the threshold. In all honesty, it wasn’t so much that you were nervous to enter the house itself, it was the fact that you’d be face to face with your childhood best friend for the first time in you didn’t even know how long. Maybe childhood best friend was a stretch you had only been introduced into each other's lives due to circumstance, and because of that forced proximity, you both took comfort in having someone stable around.

The two of you weren’t friends because you had chosen each other, or because you had met in kindergarten and shared toys in the sandbox because the other kids were stingy. No, you met because as a single mom, your mother needed all the shifts she could get even if that meant working the graveyard shift at the hospital, and only seeing you a handful of hours throughout the day because most times she was too dead on her feet to be conscious for more than a few hours. And when she could no longer pay the babysitter her next best option was the eccentric woman across the street who had children close in age with you.

Enter Donna Berzatto, a woman who came to feel like a second mom to you. It's not that she replaced your mom, no one could ever replace her, but she was the only real mother figure you knew for a time in your life. Who took you in as her own when your mother needed a new babysitter, and not just you but integrated your mom into the family as well, when she was spared the time off from nursing. Donna Berzatto who never sent you home empty-handed, and always made enough food for you and your mom to last throughout the week, just so your mother wouldn’t have to worry about fitting grocery shopping into her already hectic schedule. Donna Berzatto who, even when you were old enough to no longer need a babysitter, would send Carmy across the street to fetch you for family dinner, or even just invite you over because she thought you needed company.

Now that you were thinking about it, it seemed like you were more friends with his mom than you ever were with Carmen Berzatto. But then that would be a lie wouldn’t it?

You and Carmen Berzatto were friends due to circumstance, maybe even best friends. You weren’t just friends at his house, but you were school friends, you were everywhere friends. He really was your only true friend, of course, you had school friends, but that’s just what they were. You saw them Monday through Friday for a mandatory education, never an hour before school started or a minute after the final bell. Which didn’t necessarily bother you, but sometimes you longed for a weekend invitation to hang out, not that it ever came. And it wasn’t like you were shunned or unpopular in school, you were just average, you didn’t see a point in making friends with people you weren’t actually interested in befriending.

That’s what made Carmy so different, yes maybe you were only introduced due to circumstances but that didn’t stop the two of you from latching onto each other for dear life. Your mom always wondered how you two even established the friendship you did, with both of you being shy and never feeling the need to go out of your way to make friends. Include the fact that you had been neighbors practically your whole lives and never once taken an interest in each other aside from shy waves and curious childlike staring when either of you would be outside.

Your relationship with Carmen progressed as any childlike relationship would, you befriended each other, had your incessant petty arguments and fights, nothing ever serious enough to actually cause damage just childish antics. And it continued to progress through middle school and high school, the two of you were each other’s person, you just understood each other, the two of you let the other understand you, and wanted to be understood by each other.

You could also recall what you explain as a minute change in your friendship. As Senior year approached and you and Carmy continued to grow into yourselves, you developed a slight crush on the boy you had grown up with. It obviously wasn’t as small as you thought it was if you were standing in front of his childhood home giving yourself a pep talk just to ring the damn doorbell though was it?

The unsolicited card and wrapped present weighed heavy in your tote bag, as your breath was made visible by the chilly Chicago weather.

It was Christmas and for all intents and purposes you had been planning on mailing the present to Carmen’s New York address, but after visiting The Beef on your way back into town Mikey and Richie had let it slip that indeed the infamous Berzatto sibling would be gracing everyone with his presence this holiday season.

It was moments like these you wished you had picked up on the Berzatto family’s horrible smoking habit, thankfully your mom had taught you just how vital having functioning lungs was.

Your head shot up as the sound of loud rambunctious voices drew your attention to the front door opening and closing revealing a face you were all too familiar with and actually relieved to see. The oldest Berzatto brother stood on the porch, hands on his hips as he gave you a goofy smile. You could feel your lips stretching into a smile of your own, the infectious aura that Michael Berzatto exuded doing wonders to calm your racing mind.

“I know you didn’t come all this way just to stand outside staring at my family home like a fucking weirdo Baby.” Mikey’s smile grew in size as he teased you.

You rolled your eyes at the childhood nickname you wish hadn’t stuck as Mikey opened his arms to wrap you in one of his signature hugs. The two of you stood on the porch embracing each other for what felt like hours, you needed this hug as much as he needed it, you knew it and Mikey did too. That was the thing about you and Mikey although not blood-related it was as if your souls knew each other in a past life. Of the Berzatto siblings, Mikey was the last sibling you developed a relationship with. Growing up he was always just Carmy’s older brother but as you grew up surrounded by him, he became your surrogate older brother as well. And when Carmy dashed off to pursue his culinary dreams in New York, you and Mikey grew even closer.

You stepped back from the embrace, your eyes finding Mikey’s as he looked at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. “You not standing out here cause of a certain Chef in that house are ya?” Mikey asked, smirking down at you.

You chuckled “The only reason I come around anymore is for Mama Donna.” You joked doing a poor job to convince Mikey.

He nodded, tossing his head back with a laugh, “You were always a shit liar Baby. Carmy’s an idiot, don't let him ruin your Christmas.”

You let out a sigh head resting against Mikey’s chest as you tried to let his words soothe you even more, “He’s not ruining it, you just know things have been kind of stilted between us, and I don’t know this whole situation just feels awkward.”

You raised your head to look at Mikey again, “It’s awkward right? Am I making things awkward? I don’t wanna ruin Christmas Mikey, I know how your mom is and I know how Carmy is, I don’t wanna ambush him.”

The worry in your voice was evident as Mikey stood there listening to your ranting. His hand reached out as he used his thumb to massage away the frown between your eyebrows. “Calm down Baby, you know Ma is expecting you, and she wouldn’t take it well if you missed Christmas. She looks forward to seeing you every year, you give her a piece of Carmy when he can’t be fucking asked to come home and visit.” His hand moved down to cup the side of your neck rubbing soothing circles where his thumb rested, “Do it for Ma okay? Let Carmy be fucking wonder boy Carmy a’ight.”

You laughed nodding your head as best as you could with Mikey’s hand holding it, he smiled giving you one last hug before dropping his hand to grab your wrist and tug you into the house. You stopped him by placing a hand on his arm that was connected to yours.

“Hold on Mikey, I got you something.” You moved to start rummaging through your tote bag stalling because you were too nervous for his reaction to the present.

“Awe you didn’t have to get me nothing.” You turned back to him with the present in your hands as he held his own hands over his heart mockingly. You knew Mikey didn’t do well when it came to sentimental things and the best you would get out of him was a joke as opposed to anything else.

You laughed holding the rectangular wrapped present out to him, “I wanted to Mikey, don’t think of this as a gift, think of it uhh…as a show of appreciation yeah?” You nodded feeling your face heat up as you dropped your head so he couldn’t see how unsure you were about the gift.

He smiled, finding your shyness endearing before tearing into the neatly wrapped paper and revealing a frame, his hands engulfing it from end to end. He smiled looking at it before you saw confusion etch across his face, “This is great Baby, yeah but uh what the fuck am I looking at?”

You shove his shoulder before laughing at him and grabbing the frame out of his hands but holding it in front of your chest so he could still see its contents, “It's a trademark certification you dumbass, can’t you fucking read Mikey.” You joked to try and underestimate how big of a gift this was.

Mikey’s brows furrowed before he snatched the frame out of your hands to get a better look at the certificate sitting behind the glass, eyes snapping back up to your face with a look you couldn’t read. You shuffled your feet feeling like you overstepped a boundary you didn’t even know was between you and Mikey, “Don’t worry though I-I, put it in your name, it’s not like I trademarked it for myself or anything. I just know how much this means to you and I, I know shit has been tough lately and I’m sorry if you feel like I stepped on your toes but…Mikey, you deserve good things too okay?” You hadn’t meant to go on a rant, but you could feel the apprehension leaving you as you became passionate in every word you spoke.

“You deserve to be fucking happy Mikey, and I, I want you to know I fucking believe in you and I’m always in your corner. If it's-” You were cut off by Mikey clearing his throat, causing your eyes to snap back up to his, all the emotions he didn’t know how to translate into words swirling in his brown eyes, a small smile resting on his lips.

“Mikey-,” Before you could get another word out you were once again trapped in his comforting embrace, this hug conveying something completely different from the earlier one you shared. Mikey’s head tucked into your neck as you felt his uneasy breathing through your hands clutched around him. Mikey wasn’t the type to get emotional in front of other people, and feeling a tear of his smear against your cheek as he raised his head from your neck and settled his bearded cheek against yours, you weren’t sure if you had done the right thing by giving him the gift or not.

The two of you stood in silence as you allowed Mikey his moment, not wanting to make him feel insecure about you being present while he was being emotional. When he finally pulled away you could see the leftover sheen in his eyes. He tucked the framed certificate under his arm as both his hands reached up to grab your face in both of his hands, eyes finding yours, a whispered “thank you, baby,” leaving his lips as he placed a kiss on your forehead before he grabbed the frame again and wrapped you in another hug.

His head rested atop yours as your face rested against his chest, ear pressed against his beating heart. You lied, you thought the last hug was different, but no it was this hug that was different, while the second hug you shared in the span of 20 minutes was a hug of love and gratitude. This hug felt heavier, like there were things Mikey wanted to tell you but couldn’t, things he only felt he could convey through a hug, things you weren’t sure if you wanted to question or not.

It had been almost 20 minutes since Michael had escaped the house to do whatever the fuck it was he was doing outside. Carmy didn’t know and in all honesty he didn’t actually give a shit either, too busy helping Donna out in the kitchen to try to give any thoughts to whatever had grabbed Mikey’s attention.

He was focused in the corner of the kitchen making Tiff Sprite to help alleviate her nausea symptoms. Anyone else would have done their best to block out the rambunctious noises going on throughout the house, not Carmy though, the chaos fueled him, it grounded him. If the house was quiet it would have been too much for him, to be alone with his own thoughts ping-ponging around in his head, waiting for a chance to drown him. So if he had to listen to his mom list a plethora of things he needed to make sure happened for Christmas dinner to go off without a hitch while he was making Sprite from scratch, he welcomed it.

He finished his concoction just in time for Richie to walk through the kitchen, the older man trying to figure out how the fuck it was even possible to make Sprite from scratch. Gratefully taking the glass Carmy had offered to him, marveling at the carbonated drink in his hand.

Carmy nodded in his direction, “Yo Cousin, where the fuck is Mikey. He just fucking disappeared.” Carmy’s head swiveled around the kitchen double checking whether his brother was there or not, coming up empty in his search. Richie glanced up before settling his eyes back on the drink in his hand still doing the mental math to wrap his head around what the fuck Carmy just made.

Richie jutted his head in the direction of the front door, “Outside talking to Baby.” His eyes finally focused on Carmy’s in time to see the frown grace the younger man’s face, his eyebrows pinching together in agitation, annoyed that his brother was on a phone call rather than inside. Though that’s what Carmy told himself subconsciously he knew he was just annoyed at the fact that Mikey was even talking to you at all. Carmy didn’t think he was possessive but as you and Mikey grew closer through the years, he couldn’t help but feel miffed about the ever growing friendship between the two of you. You and your friendship with Carmy was the first thing in his life that he felt like was actually his and his alone.

It’s funny really for Carmy to think he has any sort of claim over you, or like the two of you were even really friends anymore. When he left Chicago to pursue his culinary dreams, he left you behind to, essentially ghosting the one real friend he did have. It’s not like he meant to, you two just went your separate ways after graduation, and he wasn’t even sure if there even was an “Us” when it came to the two of you anymore. If that was the case the only person he had to blame was himself, it was no fault of yours that your friendship had hit a plateau, Carmy hadn’t responded to a text of yours in years, and the fact that you still texted him to this day caused a slight pain in his chest as he stood in the middle of his mother’s kitchen, frown still etched into his features.

“He’s outside on the phone with Baby?” Carmy questioned the ache in his chest doing nothing to alleviate his irritation. It was Richie’s turn to frown reciprocating the same confused look Camry wore.

“What - No dickhead, he’s talking to Baby, like she’s right in fucking front of him and shit.” Richie swatted the side of Carmy’s head like a child. “Your moms invites her to every holiday, Cousin, and she comes every time.” Richie knew the last bit wasn’t necessary but felt Carmy rightfully deserved it, all anyone wanted from the youngest Berzatto was a visit.

“Dudes been out there for fucking ever though, those to idiots just standing outside like a bunch of fucking jackoffs.” Richie left the kitchen not waiting for Carmy to follow him before heading to the front door. He stopped moving the curtain on one of the side windows to spot two of the people he considered family. He let out a low whistle nudging Carmy’s shoulder who had finally joined his side nodding his head to the window.

“Get a load of these fucking losers hugging on the porch like they’re in some fucking Hallmark movie or some shit.” Richie laughed pointing at you and Mikey through the window. Carmy leaned closer to get a peak at what Richie was going on about.

Carmy hated to admit it, but Richie was right, the too of you looked like the happy couple who just saved a small town’s Christmas or whatever the fuck Hallmark movies were about. Mikey had finally separated himself from you long enough for Carmy to take in your features. He’d be lying if he said the years apart made him forget what you looked like. You were still the same girl he left in Chicago all those years ago except the wand of maturity had touched you, and in his opinion he thought you looked more beautiful than you had in high school.

Carmy was never one to pay too much attention to a woman’s features, and not because he didn’t care, it's just that he didn’t think it mattered. But as he drank in your form he learned in that exact moment why a woman might want people to notice the small things. Like the haircut you were sporting that Carmy felt shaped your face well, not that he knew shit about stuff like that, but he could appreciate art when he saw it. The outfit you picked out doing wonders to compliment your tall form and accentuate your legs. Carmy could look at you all day, scratch that he wanted to look at you all day.

He was torn from his reverie as Richie narrated the scene happening in front of them, “Aw look at these fuckers lookin all in love an shit.” He joked watching as Mikey slung his arm around you and led you towards the door, what looked to be a frame held in his other hand. The two of you walked side by side, your arm wrapped around his torso, hugging him into your side, Mikey’s head leaning slightly down to whisper something in your ear a small smile gracing your face as Mikey pressed his lips onto your temple lingering there for what Carmen swore was forever.

The tightness in his chest intensified tenfold as the realization of just how close you and Mikey had become sank into him. He didn’t know how to feel, his brain not even allowing any emotions to process, saving himself from any conclusions he might come to from a split second interaction.

Carmy left, he chose his path, he knew this, and he had no regrets he would pursue his dream every time the opportunity was presented. He just wished that, maybe if he held onto you as tightly as you still held onto him, it would’ve been him greeting you on the sidewalk on Christmas Day, being the sole object of your attention holding you close to his longing body. He knew overall the decisions he made regarding you were wrong, while he ignored your daily text and calls enough times for you to just resort to monthly check ins asking him about his endeavors and congratulations as you heard about his achievements in the culinary industry, he knew deep down that Mikey answered every text and call you sent his way, made it his mission to connect with you anytime you were back in Chicago.

Carmy couldn’t admit it to himself but deep down he knew his family saw spending time with you as a way to stay connected to him. You were the closest thing any of them still had to Carmy, and even though he had essentially cut you off from his life, his family loved you too much to allow Carmy’s shortcomings to affect their relationship with you.

He was broken from the recesses of his mind as Richie threw the door open stepping over the threshold raising his hands in the air to welcome you and Mikey into the house. The glass of Sprite still clutched in his left hand, a broad smile spread across his face as you left Mikey’s hold to greet Richie eyes not having spotted Carmy who was hidden behind Richie’s small frame.

Carmy’s first up close look at you in years were your hands wrapped around Richie’s torso as he pulled you into a hug, rocking the two of you back and forth, Richie let you go quickly turning his body back into the house “A’ight fuckers you can all stop pretending you care so much about Carmy and his little rat in the chef hat bullshit. We got the real deal here now, Baby's gracing us with her journalist presence.”

Carmy’s brows furrowed at Richie’s dig only slightly offended about being compared to a fictional character named after pasta, too caught up in allowing the sound of your laugh to grace his ears for the first time in what felt like forever. Mikey had finally caught up to you standing behind you with a hand placed on your shoulder, Carmy watched as his brother’s hand glided up and down your arm before giving your bicep a slight squeeze and nodding his head in Carmy’s direction.

If Carmy was being honest it was becoming increasingly difficult to quiet his mind that was eagerly trying to piece everything together. From yours and Mikey's prolonged moment on the porch, to the kiss he placed on your temple, add in Richie’s jokes and the almost constant physical contact between you and Mikey and Carmy was sure he figured shit out.

You looked to where Mikey motioned his head finally noticing Carmy’s figure standing there while Richie ran off towards the stairs after his impromptu introduction. Looking at Carmy was like being in a Time Machine, nothing had drastically changed, he looked more exhausted than what you remembered. But overall he was the same Carmy you parted ways with all those years ago.

A small smile graced your lips as you took him in, he was still your Carmy appearance wise, and right now for you that was all that mattered. You lifted your hand in a small wave gaining his attention, your smile growing wider as your eyes locked with his.

The clearing of a throat broke you from your thoughts, Mikey’s hand giving your shoulder a squeeze as he walked you two into the house before shutting the door behind him. As he finished he stood in front of you so that Carmy was partially covered from view by each brother in your line of vision though your focus was taken up by the eldest. He gave you a reassuring smile before gently knocking his fist against your chin and presumably turning to leave you and Carmy alone.

As Mikey walked past Carmy he gave him his signature grin and a wink before patting his shoulder as left to check on Donna in the kitchen and mingle with the other guests.

Carmy’s face was still set in the same frown it had been in when he first asked Richie where Mikey ran off to. You took a deep breath to settle your nerves before taking a step to close the gap between you, your hand reached out to gently squeeze Carmy’s arm though stopping in midair as you watched him subtly flinch. Your smile faltered, your hand finding its rightful place at your side. You looked up to see the apology in Carmy’s eyes, you did your best to brush the moment off, maybe you came on too strong, maybe it wasn’t fair that you were still pushing for a friendship when Carmy had given you all the reasons to stop trying, maybe the Carmy in front of you was a different Carmy to the one you used to know. Maybe the life where it was you and Carmy had finally taken its last breath and you were just too clingy and desperate to realize.

You cleared your throat trying to alleviate the lump forming from the thoughts that were racing through your brain. The small placating smile on your face there to stop you from having a full breakdown in the Berzatto’s foyer. “Its good to see you Carmen, I hope New York is treating you well.” You lips wrapped around the generic greeting forcing yourself not to say anything you might regret.

Carmy nodded his head rapidly accepting your lackluster words, his lips parting and closing all in the same breath. The man obviously had nothing to say to you, and maybe you just had to accept that. You stayed a moment longer cursing yourself for doing so as the air between you two filled with palpable tension.

“Baby, is that you? My goodness you look fucking gorgeous.” Half of Donna’s body had popped out of the kitchen finally gaining a spare moment to greet you. Her words mumbled through the cigarette between her lips, a ladle held in her right hand while the left was occupied by tongs. Her apron covered in all sorts of sauces and whatever the hell else your brain couldn’t even begin to discern.

You laughed half in amusement and half in relief, you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand there as Carmy burned holes in your body. You waved at Donna quickly, beginning to head towards her to join her in the kitchen. It wasn’t your first choice as an escape from Carmen but you’d rather try and help Donna finish preparing Christmas dinner than be around Carmy for another minute.

Donna waved the tongs in Carmy’s direction, “Jesus fucking Christ Carmen, take the girls bag and coat. Don’t just fuckin stand there.” She huffed eyes glaring the longer Carmen stayed glued to the spot. You handed him your tote as soon as his arm shot out and began hastily shimmying out of your jacket. You gave him a soft smile before laying the jacket on his awaiting arm.

You began to leave the foyer as Donna motioned for you to follow her, mentally preparing yourself for what you were about to walk into. A sudden thought occurred causing you to gently grip Carmy’s bicep as you were walking past him, “I uh, I actually bought you a Christmas present. So um, find me later yeah?” You smiled tilting your head slightly in questioning.

Carmen Berzatto graced you with a small smile, nodding back in agreement as you sent him one final nod and turned to enter the kitchen. The first positive emotion he granted you since you walked back into his life 30 minutes ago.

next chapter ↣

a/n: this is my first fic that i’m publishing and i genuinely have no clue what the fuck any of this is, : ) but nonetheless hope you all enjoy! or don’t i’m just a stranger on the internet. constructive criticism would be greatly appreciated though. please like, comment, reblog if this behemoth tickles your fancy!

also i write for fun/hobby and i'm such an inconsistent bitch so don't get your hopes too high, but this will potentially be a series idk yet though lol.

#carmen berzatto x reader #carmy berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x you #the bear fic #michael berzatto #richie jerimovich #carmen berzatto #carmy berzatto #carmen berzatto angst #platonic!michael berzatto #all i ever knew only you ₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊#[aiekoy] 1

2K notes · View notes

arielleslipgloss · 1 month

Text

It Girl Habits!!

(none of these photos are mine)

“You cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours.” - Anne Hathaway

Stay busy!! Do you see those it girls like Serena Van Der Woodsen scrolling on their phone all day? No, you rarely do. It girls are always busy doing something. So, therefore do some self care, study, workout, read, journal, go shopping, go on solo dates, hang out with friends, paint, have a dance party, etc. Do fun activities and take care of yourself. Another example of a busy it girl is, Elle Woods. Elle Woods wasn’t becoming one with the couch everyday. She had goals to achieve. She had people that doubted her to prove wrong. So get up! Start planning out your day or week. Start making goals!!

Have goals! You wanna know why you’re bored all the time? Well, it’s because you have no goals. You practically don’t have a life because all you do is sleep, eat, scroll, and repeat. You’re wasting time doing nothing. You could’ve had a clean room by now. Maybe you could have finished that book. Whatever it is, you could have had it. You could’ve been 1% better than yesterday. You don’t though because you have no goals. That time you’re wasting, can be used toward your goals. It can be used toward your dream life. Maybe, you do have goals? Yet you don’t even take action. What are you waiting for? For someone to do the work for you? No, get up and start taking action.

Be mindful of what you consume online!! Just like how who you surround yourself with affects you. What you consume online affects how and who you are. For example, listening to sad music makes you feel sad. Music is meant to tell a story that you feel deeply. You may not even relate to the song, but you feel as if you do. So, you become sad and continue to listen to sad music. When listening to uplifting music you gain confidence. You still feel like you relate to the song. Just with a more positive effect. As for what you watch and read. Don’t read/watch stuff that will put you down. Watch/read content that will help you.

Complimenting yourself every time you pass the mirror!! Some may say it’s cringy, but DO IT. Would you rather be cringy or be the best version of yourself? Exactly, so either say it out loud or in your head. Say it even if you might not believe it. Say it because you deserve it! Try to be creative with your compliments. Not all compliments have to be about your looks. It could be your personality, your thoughtfulness, how creative you are, etc. Also loosen up, be your own hype girl. When you see the mirror you could say, “Omg I look like the main character.” “Oh wait, I am!” Lastly, don’t forget to have fun with hyping yourself up.

Mediating or journaling when stressed!! When stressed we start to feel a lot of tension. So, that’s why meditating is so important to do when stressed. All you have to do is sit down and focus on breathing. Plus, It calms down your nerves, relaxes the mind, body, and soul. Not just that, but plenty of other benefits. Which includes, helps focus, betters mood, helps you sleep, slows down aging, etc. As for journaling, it’s practically free therapy! That is, at least in my eyes. All you need is a notebook, a pen or pencil, and yourself. Journal what’s making you stressed or anxious. Let all your emotions out, write freely. Your words don’t have to make sense. Nor do you need to have perfect writing. In fact, when you journal it may be all over the place. However or whatever you write, just let it out.

Expressing your gratitude!! Life is so beautiful and has so much meaning. So, either write down what you’re grateful for or thank God. You are so blessed to be here today. That is only just one thing to be grateful for. There are so many things to be grateful for, air, family, friends, your mind, being born as you, water, books, food, shoes, clothes, and so much more!! Express your gratitude everyday. It could be the most random thing like, a poster. As long as you’re truly grateful, then express it.

7. Having a low screen time!! Cliché, I know but it’s true. Your devices are consuming you. Think about what you use your device(s) for. Good examples are, for work, for motivation, tips, workout videos, inspiration, knowledge, and maybe even faith reasons. Now here are bad examples, procrastinating, sinning, hating on others, scrolling, because you’re bored, to watching videos of people that make you insecure, and lastly to cope with something. Which to clarify, trying to cope by using your phone, I understand somewhat. On the other hand, it could make what you’re coping with worse. I say that because there are so many studies on why our phone is bad for us. Seriously, so many and we are completely unaware of the damage it does. So for that reason, try to use your phone only for the good. I know you’re probably going to make an excuse. Which we all do and that’s ok, but please try.

8. Encouraging yourself to do better!! You should always be working hard to be 1% better everyday. So on the days you don’t feel like doing anything, encourage yourself. Show up for yourself, you will be so happy after. Lastly, trust yourself to get whatever done!!

9. Having a healthy sleep schedule!! For me, I try to aim for 8-11 hours of sleep. For others, it may be 7-10 hours of sleep. Whatever makes you feel the most well-rested should work. Just try to be consistent and mindful of the time. I also recommend to be off your phone for at least 30-60 minutes before going to bed. It will improve how you sleep a lot. That also being said, try not to be on your phone when you wake up either. It’ll help improve your health by a lot. Especially, the health of your brain and eyes. As I had mentioned, try to be consistent. Set a certain time to go to bed and turn off your phone. Then, get your lovely beauty sleep gorgeous!!

10. CLEANING!! The last habit is, cleaning. Now, I don’t just meaning cleaning your room or house. I mean even your body and mind. For starters, a clean room equals a clean mind. Therefore, stop procrastinating and start cleaning. Turn on some fun music and maybe even romanticize cleaning. Just make it fun and DEEP clean. I know someone reading this has been procrastinating on cleaning. You know who you are, so clean everything. Then, for cleaning the mind a little extra meditate. I feel like I already went over a bit about meditation. So lastly, for the body, take your showers consistently. Also, please wear deodorant. I see way too many people nowadays not wearing deodorant. Seriously, wear your deodorant.

“Always walk around like you have on an invisible tiara on.” - Paris Hilton

Remember, always apply lip gloss and stay pretty! Love you, dolls 💋

Info I used: https://reallifecounseling.us/blog/benefits-of-meditation

My Pinterest: @arielleslipgloss

290 notes · View notes

asuyaka · 4 months

Note

Hello Arlan! I love you’re writing so much and was wondering if you could write someone with Aki from CSM since i see there isn’t a ton requested on here! What i was thinking was Aki and Reader(FtM or whatever feels best!) Having lots of little romantic moments together. Doing your chores everything like that and once they finish relaxing on the couch and they open up to one another about current life struggles and grow more and more intimate that Reader and Aki go into the bedroom and slowly but romantically have one another in the sheets. I love domestic like fics and i would love to see how you interpret this. I give you full reign to choose what happens but that’s just what i give to start an idea. I hope you are healthy and well!!

★ - m'was kinda strugglin' on if it should be FtM or cis... ( ꩜ ᯅ ꩜;)⁭ ⁭ also!! CSM hype Reze 's gettin animated ໒꒰ྀི >ヮ<꒱ྀི১

☆ - Aki Hayakawa x FtM! Reader!

♡ - m'cigarette addicted boyfie...໒꒰ྀི ๑>///<๑ ꒱ྀིა | slight manga spoilers but no names are dropped!! | wowie, this one took a lottt outta me! but, anythin' for you guys!! merry (late) christmas ૮₍｡´ᴖ ˔ ᴖ`｡₎ა

✪ - amab terminology, dom Aki/sub reader, praise, dacryphilia, nipple play, fingering, overstimulation, dirty talk, uses the term 'hole' and 'dick/cock' for readers genitals, slight degradation/mocking, creampie(s), n implied aftercare!!

Aki Hayakawa’s children are a handful. There is no other way to say it. However, you could say you enjoyed it whenever they got rowdy. After killing the Control and Gun Devil and everyone (surprisingly) making it out alive, Power and Denji have been inseparable ever since.

Constantly bickering about who’s getting the larger portion of juice, running around the house at fuck off O’clock yelling something about how Martians are going to invade Japan with tin foil shaped like a cone on their heads, or having… barf contests for some odd reason.

Then there was you Aki, and some girl Kishibe gave you after the control devil incident. Aki insisted on moving since the house was too big for five people and an absurd amount of dogs. He also pulled Denji and Power out of Public Safety and enrolled them in school when he figured out they were nowhere near the proper academic level for teenagers— and helped them with their homework whenever they got it.

The girl was always close to Denji or with the dogs. She was nice, a little freaky when you realized she was the new Control Devil, but you soon realized she was nothing like the past one.

She embodied a fresh new slate, a perfect addition to the family slowly building itself back together after almost losing important people in your lives.

“I’m back, I got groceries so we could make dinner when they’re back from Kishibe’s,” Aki says, accompanied by the automated chime that sounded through the house every time the door opened.

Donned in a plain apron jacket, Aki’s clothes, and house slippers, you greet him at the door with a kiss, an excited smile adorning your face. “Welcome back! I uh, wrote you something.”

Aki cocks an eyebrow slightly as his hands snake to settle on your waist, breathing in the scent of his shampoo on your hair. “What is it, baby?”

Walking towards the living room–albeit a bit awkwardly with the addition of your boyfriend behind you– you pick up a note from the table, an excited but shy look on your face as you hand him the paper.

Aki silently reads it behind you, remaining expressionless until he finishes. “You’re so sappy, you know that?” He breathes out, peppering kisses against your cheek.

A warm flush spreads through your body, slightly pushing his face away from yours. “I need to finish doing the dishes, wait on the couch?”

Aki kisses your cheek once more before nodding, the warmth around your waist leaving as he sits on the couch.

Immediately missing the added heat against your body, you do the dishes with added haste. Not too fast for Aki to pick up on what you were doing, but fast enough for your hands to gain slight ice burn.

You take your apron off and hold it, placing it next to Aki’s. It’s a slight, domestic feature that makes your heart swell up fondly. Aki’s blue eyes catch yours as he pats a seat next to him on the couch.

He wraps his arms around you, pushing your back against his chest and intertwining your legs. Moments like this make you feel lucky. Lucky to have Aki alive and your kids (?) alive too.

“What was it like being in public safety?” You ask absentmindedly, adjusting your position so you’re laying on top of him, chest against chest.

Aki’s eyes widened, his face slightly contorting in confusion. “What’s with the sudden question?”

“Well,” You shrug, intertwining his hands in yours. “You quit and I just got a little curious since you know… all that happened. I guess I was scared you and the kids wouldn’t come back to me.”

He stares at you and sighs, pulling you closer and putting your face in the crook of his neck. “I know, I’m sorry. It wasn’t bad, but it wasn’t exactly good either. People died, a lot, and a part of me guessed that one day I’d die before I ever got a chance to find people to care about.”

“There was Himeno, of course, but that wasn’t the same.” Aki sighs, a vague image of his friend flashing through his face. “Ironically, it was when I met those two dumbasses and you that I think my life… turned around?”

“I was forced to take care of Denji and Power, obviously, but the added responsibility of taking care of two people who don’t know how to do long division made me care for them in a reverse psychological type way.”

Aki’s hands are under your shirt, drawing images on your bare back. “Then I met you and changed even more. I never thought I’d be able to have a significant other, not to talk about loving someone romantically.”

Aki isn’t good with expressing his emotions, and even though he’s millions of light years better than when you first met him, hearing him outright say that you changed him, for the better, makes something swell inside you.

“‘n I’m the sap.” You say in feigning annoyance, pressing a kiss on his neck. You feel his body shudder as the hands on your back dig into your skin. “Missed you.”

You move to straddle his waist, a warm flush spreading across your body. “Aki,” a shiver runs down your spine as you suck in a breath. Like a broken record, you repeat yourself. “Aki,”

Curling your fingers into his shirt, you pull him forward and push your lips into his.

You feel him move, his chest pressing against yours as he pushes you to lay your back on the couch. Your hand moves to the back of his neck, the smoothness of his topknot under your fingertips. He tastes tangy, addictive. His tongue swirls around yours, a tiny whine forces its way through your throat.

Pulling away, Aki plays with the bottom of your (his) shirt. “Can I take this off?”

“Yes, Aki please,” You whisper shakily, watching his eyes darken as he swiftly takes your shirt off, throwing it on the floor somewhere and burying his face in your neck.

Soft whines emit from your mouth, hands going to remove the hair tie holding his hair up. His dark blue hair cascaded past his neck and rested on his shoulders. Aki’s hands follow the soft arch of your back and leave indents of his teeth, accompanied by bruises forming on your neck.

Electricity pools in your stomach and flows straight to your dick. Aki spreads your legs with his big hands, his mouth nibbling on the tip of your nipple. “Bedroom?” You whisper breathlessly, remembering none of the people you and Aki are acquainted with know how to knock (except for Angel).

He groans and picks you up as if you weigh nothing, tossing you over his shoulder and opening the door to your shared bedroom with his foot. He puts you on the bed and readily restarts his ministrations.

You watch him play with the waistband of your boxers as his teeth graze the tip of your dick through the fabric. Your legs instinctively come to close, separated by his head. Aki grunts, his hands pressing into the flesh of your thighs, prying them apart and keeping you still. “Stay still.”

Sounds of protest bubble up but the second you feel him lick your cock, it shuts you up instantly. You won’t admit how hard seeing Aki between your legs makes you. Your hole clenches around nothing as slick pools between your thighs.

“Aki,” You mutter, your hands gripping the sheets. “Just take them off already.”

“Are you telling me what to do?” Aki tuts, feigning annoyance as he grabs your thigh so you’re focused on his face. There’s a bare hint of flush on his cheeks, pressing against the crease where your thigh and crotch meet.

It’s like a mental game. Aki knows what he’s doing, how to play with your body to get the exact reaction he needs, and you were dumb to think he wouldn’t use that against you. “No… m’sorry,” You sniffle, fighting back the tears that you weren’t aware of bubbling up.

It’s embarrassing, the hold he has on you. All it takes is a few kisses and some manhandling to have you whining under him like a slut.

Nonetheless, he hikes your hips up and finally takes your boxers. A small gasp leaves your lips as Aki forces your legs above his knees, now properly sitting on the bed. You can feel the swell of his bulge on your ass. There, so close to where you need it the most.

“Open,” Aki’s fingers slip into your mouth, pulling at the corners with a smile on his face. He plays with your tongue, obscene slurping sounds forcing their way into your ears.

It’s not like you’re trying to be loud, but it’s so quiet that you’re practically forced to hear it. Every shortened breath, every whine, words of encouragement every time Aki calls you a good boy, his good boy.

You whimper when his fingers leave your mouth, a messy trail of spit connecting them. His free hand spreads you apart as he scoots down, a glob of spit landing on your cock and sliding down onto your hole.

His fingers find your hole instantly, rubbing against your dick in slow circles. “Aki—ah!” There’s a steady heat building in your abdomen, tight and needy.

“Hm? Something you wanna tell me, baby?” He pushes in a knuckle at a time, just below where you need it. You bite your lip, from the slight burn and the tease of pleasure.

You try to speak– tell him what you need but another finger pushes in and you're interrupted by your hiss. It felt a bit premature, it has been a while since you and Aki had sex so you aren’t as open as you normally would be. Aki leans in for a kiss. It’s demanding, and greedy as he takes your breath away, biting at your lips. Aki’s fingers begin sissorcing, a tiny mewl of surprise leaving your throat.

It takes a minute for the pain to leave completely and the pleasure to take over, g-spot hit dead on. “Oh–” You sigh, fingers holding onto Aki’s shoulder as he breathes your air, foreheads pressed against each other.

“Aki,” You’re out of breath and he hasn’t even fucked you yet. It’s humiliating, embarrassing, yet it feels so good. Aki moves down, his teeth leaving a trail as he settles on your left nipple. He circles the areola. His teeth nip and bite the bud, sucking as his fingers move faster.

It’s good, mind-breakingly so, but it hurts. There’s too much stimulation at once and you’ve completely forgotten everything other than Aki. How Aki feels, what he tastes like, your entire mind is Aki, Aki, Aki.

“Feels good, right baby boy?” Aki coos, his thumb circling the tip of your cock with a newfound haste. “Feels– Aki, m’gonna–” You nod frantically, eyes rolling back and tears streaming down your face as you cum.

“Shh,” Aki kisses your cheek, licking the salt off your face. He pulls away and you hear the sound of clothes rustling. He’s still going?

You can’t bring yourself to move, not when your body feels so limp. So you sit there with your eyes closed and wait.

A beat passes, then two, three, and Aki still hasn’t slipped inside. You are forcing your eye to peek open. Aki stares back at you, eyes lidded and breathing heavy. “Y’look so pretty baby, all perfect f’me, right?”

Aki oozes confidence that he knows he has. The power he has over you, to break with merely his fingers evokes an emotion in you.

The head of his cock presses against your hole, using your cum to slide over your cock. Again, and again, and again, until you’re hard and whining for him to fuck you. “C’mon baby, where are your manners?”

You sniffle, swallowing down a whine. “Please, Aki.”

“Good boy.” He smiles, and the slow grinding of his cock against yours finally stops as he slips inside you. Aki is big, even with prep it takes a bit to get used to.

“Y’feel so good baby,” Aki says, his voice catching on a grunt. “So perfect f’me, so fuckin warm too… shit…” The sound of Aki bottoming out embarrassingly almost brings you over the edge.

“A-Aki—”

Aki’s cock hits your g-spot. Whatever you were about to say gets replaced by a whiny moan. Your eyes snap close and your toes curl, more tears falling down your cheeks.

Aki still doesn’t let up, his hips snapping against your ass hastily. You and Aki have never fucked like this, at least you two haven’t gone past one mutual orgasm before. It feels weird, good– but your body burns up and you physically can’t think.

Your cock stirs, pleasure building in your abdomen again. It sends jolts through your body, pleasure building up, and up, and up and—

Aki’s thumb rubs the tip of your cock and that’s all it takes for another orgasm to wash over you. Your whole body trembles and your back arches.

“That’s two,” Aki says, not showing any sign of slowing down. “I want you t’count okay? C’mon baby tell me how many that was.”

Your voice cracks, and Aki is still fucking you. “Two! s’two!”

Aki grins. “There’s my good boy.”

You’re sure you look stupid, crying on Aki’s cock, rambling about how it’s too much, that you can’t cum anymore. You’re still so sensitive but Aki doesn’t seem to care. He doesn’t let up; his thrusts are deep, overwhelming.

Your body sags when you feel Aki’s hips stutter, thrusting once, twice, before spilling inside you with a ragged breath. Heat fills your hole, filling you up and leaking past your perineum.

“My boy, my good fuckin’ boy aren’t you?” Aki kisses you, his hand at the back of your neck that’s adorned with bruises. Everything seems to melt into each other as you try to kiss him back, even out your breathing but you just can’t.

Then, Aki’s cock rehardens inside you, even though it’s barely been a minute. Your eyes widen, trying to look down but all the wind is knocked out of you the second Aki moves his hips.

“Ah! Aki— s’too much too much too—”

Aki grabs your chin, squeezing your cheeks as he forces you to look at him through blurry vision. “T’aww, s’okay baby, just lay there n’take it, okay?” He says in a nasally, prissly voice.

In addition to Aki fucking your hole and still stroking your dick, he takes your nipple in his mouth. Licking around it, biting the bud and sucking the skin. Your throat hurts from all the whining and moaning you’re doing but you can’t help it. Not when he’s fucking you like there’s no tomorrow, pushing you well past overstimulation.

Aki’s mouth burns on your skin, raising your body temperature. Everything is hot, too much. Then, tugs on your nipple with his teeth, slightly increasing the arch in your back.

With the abuse of stimulating all your erogenous zones, you feel another knot forming inside you. Even though everything feels too good, your tears stain the sheets, and electricity zips down every bone in your body. You’re so close, so close—

“Remember to count,” Aki warns just as another orgasm washes over you. For a second, you think you blacked out. Your senses dull and your eyes see nothing but darkness. Your voice tethers over the edge of a sob, your body still convulsing.

“C’mon baby, what number are we at?”

“Three! It’s three— Aki, can’t anymore s’too much—”

He interrupts you with a harsh snap of his hips. His hand pauses just before it goes back to your weeping cock. The stretch of time physically hurts, because you don’t know what he might be thinking. “I think you can give me one more, hm baby?”

“Aki!” You try to shout, but your throat won’t let you speak over a whisper. “Can’t, won’t, it can’t, can’tcan’t—”

“Shhh, s’okay baby,” Aki kisses your cheek, using one of his hands to pull you down on his cock. “Just let me do all the work okay? I’ll take care of you, don’t worry.”

Realistically speaking he’s always been doing the work so his words don’t hold much value. You don’t think that if you’re thinking of anything at all.

Aki’s hips begin to move again, his mouth latches onto your nipple and you don’t think you can breathe anymore. Continuing to rub your cock, he takes two fingers and adds them into your hole, with his cock still inside.

“Aahh! A-Ak—”

“I know baby, shhh, s’okay…” Aki says, pleased. The noises coming from your mouth are absolutely filthy, they sound straight out of a porno, vulnerable and embarrassing. His fingers and his cock move at an uneven pace, making it hard to tell left from right and up from down.

There’s no way you can cum again, it’s impossible. Even then, Aki still keeps going. There’s an unforgivable assault on your g-spot, the tip of his thumb toying and playing with the slit of your cock.

The pleasure is there, unmistakably so, but it hurts. It’s too much but not enough, everything is hot, too hot and—

“Can’t can’t can’t—”

“S’why I’m here, baby.” Aki’s voice sounds so distant even though you know he’s right there.

You shake your head furiously. “It won’t– Aki it can’t,” you cry, snot dripping down your nose.

Your skull melts into nothing when you feel that knot swell up inside you, it hurts, it's too much, it can’t. “There we go, you’re close, right baby?”

You feel like reality splits the second you cum on Aki’s cock. It dribbles out pathetically, borderline dry. Aki’s hips stutter as he cums inside you, his second time.

Yet, he still has the stamina to force you to face him. “Number?’”

“F…four,” Your voice breaks as you sniffle. You missed Aki’s hands on you, even if it was something small like this.

He pulls out and immediately goes to cradle you when he sees the tears only increase in intensity. “Baby? Hey, did I do something wrong? Does anything hurt?”

You can’t find it in yourself to talk, but you have to reassure him somehow. So you shake your head, burying your face in the warmth of his chest. “Can you tell me anything? Color?” There’s worry in his voice and you can’t help but love him more. Even if he just fucked you and your brain stupid.

Weakly, you hold up one finger, hoping that is enough to get the message across. He looks confused for a brief moment before all the worry washes off his face. “But seriously, why are you crying?”

“L…love you, s’muh…” Your voice is nothing less than grainy like you’ve been a chain smoker for twenty years.

Aki’s expression softens as he places a kiss on your cheek, using his thumb (not soiled with your cum) to wipe the tears off your cheeks. You try to stay awake so Aki doesn’t have to clean up alone.

You’re sure you were awake, but you don’t exactly remember getting into the warm sheets with a fresh new set of clothes on as Aki spoons you.

159 notes · View notes

clawbehavior · 3 months

Text

i thoroughly enjoyed 'a shop for killers' because in addition to hot men fighting and tired men being dads, the show does a clever job of subverting expectations, which shows up in some of the following ways:

- jinman is a good guy because he doesn't enjoy killing whereas bale kills for sport and for fun. except jinman is also comfortable putting his team in danger because completing the mission is his first priority whereas bale goes looking for his teammates and ends up saving their lives by shooting their attackers. seongwa would've died in that first mission if not for bale, which makes him loyal to bale. and seongwa is a real shit starter, always saying what people suspect out loud which directly undermines jinman's influence over the team. who cares if jinman is "good" if he can't be relied upon to protect his teammates. like their leader says privately to jinman, they're not soldiers they're mercenaries. they only have each other. so even though jinman has a moral conscience it's hypocritical and he loses his team's loyalty over it.

- jian has an innate ability to think quickly on her feet and make tough decisions to survive, things she didn't learn from jinman. he just directs her but she has that raw power inside her

- i really like how minhye is introduced in the show. that part where she suddenly pops up at the glass door, startling jian (and us) was so clever because the viewer's instinct is to read her as dangerous/as a threat. so it's a relief when she turns out to be a good guy bc the show has established her as a capable and competent threat to the villains. and then she lives up to the hype

lots of effective character writing in this show that i loved as a writer. would def recommend to anyone who likes action movies with found family themes

#a shop for killers #analysis

51 notes · View notes

x-liv25-jamieswife · 19 days

Text

avery and xander head canons

i've never done this before. hope you guys actually like these (my anxious overthinking brain tells me people will hate it but anyways). if you guys like the hcs and would like more or have suggestions, i'd be happy to take requests (i have nothing to do with my life)

they blast london boy whenever jameson is around ever since it was revealed he's half british

avery and him will spend hours talking about all the wild experiments he's done and funny stories she has from when she was younger

xander makes her funny/cute gadgets and hides them in her room for her to find

avery and him will spend hours just gossiping while watching netflix and doing face masks

xander and her talk shit about people they hate

they're always coming up with ways to prank grayson (they once replaced his entire closet full of suits with lingerie)

when they attended the eras tour (cause they most definitely did), xander fake proposed to her during love story.

they made friendship bracelets

they also had so much fun singing the rep set

ok this one isn't really a xander and avery head cannon but the hawthornes and their girlfriends (+rebecca, thea) has a blast singing anti hero bc of that one verse with the funeral.

they also teased grayson when shake it off started playing

during the vigilante shit performance, xander grabbed a chair and tried to recreate the dance. he forced avery to join along (jameson was simping so hard in the corner)

they also made bets on the surprise songs

last eras tour one, they had so much fun singing bad blood thinking about eve, tobias, sheffield grayson, etc (grayson was secretly also vibing to the song in the background happy that eve got what she deserved (although i believe she deserved worse))

on the day of her wedding with jameson, xander gave her a blueberry scone (his favorite) for the first time to celebrate her officially becoming part of the family

once avery got a slew of hate comments on this one post bc people thought she looked ugly and xander (and jameson) responded and reported every single one of them. xander also came up with the wildest insults you could ever imagine

although xander could literally never hate anyone, he hates anyone who ever does or says anything wrong to avery

sometimes when she's feeling slightly insecure but doesn't want to admit, xander hypes her up like crazy (jameson too)

sometimes avery will go sit in xanders lab whilst he works on his gadgets and reads. he always feels so loved whenever she does this

xander once had a panic attack on his way to an event, and avery cheered him up by ditching the event and bringing him to a bakery to buy scones. they then headed home and watched rom-coms.

they make each other playlists

they love waking each other up in the weirdest ways (xander once woke her up by reading her smut)

they ask each other relationship advice.

xander sometimes gets in this mood where he's convinced everyone secretly hates him. avery always makes him feel better by making scones with super weird flavors.

they once had a fanfic writing competition. avery won bc she wrote smut and xander wasn't expecting it (xander thought it was so good he posted it)

xander once walked in on avery getting dressed. he got so embarrassed he started banging into everything and stuttering. avery likes to tease him about it from time to time. (she wasn't even completely naked, but he was still traumatized)

sometimes when they're at events, they'll sit in the corner and talk about the people there (for example, they'll pick one person and try to figure out how many kids they have, if they're married, etc). xander also has all the tea you could possibly wish for when it comes to the guests (no one knows how he obtains it).

xander knows how much avery hates galas and stuff, so he always comes up with different games to play/things to talk about.

they sometimes go live together and the fans love it (they find their friendship hilarious and people always make compilations of like funny things they've said and stuff).

1/4 of these are literally just eras tour related but eh. i hope these are all original and i'm not remembering some old ones i've seen before not realizing that they've already been made. if some of these aren't, i apologize (i also apologize for any spelling mistakes, i wrote these late at night). anyways i literally love avery and xander's friendship. i actually really enjoyed making these.

i'm thinking of making head cannons for avery and each of the brothers (libby, max and Rebecca too) (maybe even thea though i don’t particularly love her).

i tried to get my friend @catapparently to help, but she came up with the weirdest things like 'xander told avery her toes were crooked so he made her a gadget to wear at night to fix them'

if anyone has requests, feel free to send them to me.

#the inheritance games #avery grambs #avery kylie grambs #xander hawthorne #the hawthorne legacy #the final gambit #the brothers hawthorne

27 notes · View notes

tarotwithavi · 2 years

Text

Let me hype you up tarot series

Information about this series

P1: how do strangers view you

My Masterlist

Heya people! This is the first reading of the first part of the let me hype you up series. I hope you like this. I have worked hard on this one so it would nice to have some love and support ;)

✧༺♥༻✧

1 2

3 4

If you like my service and would like to help me pay my college fees, just buy readings from me 💀 jk but if you'd like to you can

❃.✮:▹◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹◃:✮.❃❃.✮:▹◃:✮.❃

Picture 1

Hello pile 1! First of all I'm getting that alot of you are air signs or air dominant. Stranger view you as someone who is reversed and nonchalant. They view you are someone is strict and value their boundaries. I feel like you might have a RBF or that your resting face looks mad or angry. People might ask you if your angry or mad at them even when you're not . They also view as someone they would not mess with. Like they view as someone who doesn't take any bs from anyone. Strangers view you ask someone who has a lot of potential and this makes you confused. For example you can do alot of things and would do any job given to you with ease but this also makes you wonder which job do you choose. People only get trouble in making decisions when they have alot of choices and that's the same with you. You can do alot of things and that makes you confused on what to choose. Strangers view you as someone who has a lot of ideas but is too shy too tell them or show them to others or also because you don't care.They can also sense that you are always fighting within yourself with your thoughts . Your mind is always running around thinking about a thousands of things and this can give you headache and make you procrastinate. They see you as someone who can get anything they want to but you don't just because you don't care. It's like you have the potential to conquer the world but you want to live in a forest alone. You don't care for anything and you are always like "mehh I don't want it ". you are meant to shine but you intentionally dim your light to the standards of others to let others shine. Strangers see you as someone who has a lot of knowledge and wisdom.

✧༺♥༻✧

__________________

Picture 2

Hello pile 2 welcome to your part of the reading! First of all I'm getting that you guys embody boss like energy. If you're a girl you could be tomboyish. You look very tempting to strangers. They feel like you're trouble but they can't help but like you? You could have pluto/Lilith or Mars and ascendant aspects. You embody a sensual type of energy or might give off this vibe to others. Strangers can see that you like to hang out with your friends and party. I'm getting that a lot of you don't come out of your homes unless your friends ask you to hang out with them. You might act like very goofy and fun around your friends but when you're alone you have a serious look on your face. People view you as someone who is rich or gives off rich vibes even when you buy your clothes from thift shop. You can buy your clothes from thift shop and people will still see you as someone who wears branded clothes or own branded items. You can literally wear your pajamas outside and people will still think you look cool 💀. You definitely give off CEO / girl boss type vibes to strangers. Strangers think that it won't take a second to cut off people out of your life forever. People can also sense that you cover your nervousness or anxiety by acting rude or straightforward with people idk if that makes sense. I'm also getting that strangers also think about how a family with you look like let me explain if you're out with friends at a restaurant or anywhere out and there are alot of people these someone might Think about having a family with you because you look like you come from a rich family or you are rich yourself.

✧༺♥༻✧

__________________

Picture 3

Hello pile 3 , the first thing I'm getting is that you look very approachable to strangers. Strangers view you as someone who is very helpful and kind. like a helping hand. They view as someone who has a very pure heart. And is always ready to help others not matter what.You might also notice that people open up to you easily. For example you have just conserve with someone for just about a few minutes and then they start telling you theirs darkest secrets. People feel like they can tell their secrets to you and you won't judge them for that Or tell anyone about it. They also view you as someone who will emotionally help them in a difficult situation . People can also sense that you don't recognize yourself. You can be the most beautiful and charming person in the group but you will still think what you are not good enough or that there's someone more beautiful than you. Also you look very mysterious to stranger. You look like someone they would want to get to know. You come off as a very emotional person at first but when they get to know you they admire you on how strong you've been. People sense that you are always looking for someone else to love you or to give you affection and that's making you more depressed. You're always looking for a relationship to comfort you but in the end it gets your heart broken. You come off as someone who doesn't know what to do with life sometimes. I am getting that some of you could be bullied in the past and you want to help people who are getting bullied. You come off as a depressed person to strangers sometimes. Also people see you as someone who is very down to earth and nice.

✧༺♥༻✧

__________________

Picture 4

Hello pile 4 ! The first thing I'm getting is someone who loves music. Maybe you always have your headphones in when you go outside or in general. Some of you could be singers or maybe you are always humming a song you like . I'm also getting that strangers view you as someone who doesn't take care of themselves . Like someone who doesn't rest or always in a hurry. Some of you could have dark circles due to that. You might come off as someone very artistic. I'm getting indie and classical music for some. I'm also getting that you might take your sketchbook everywhere you go if you draw. Strangers see you as someone who loves art. For some I'm getting that your voice could be very attractive. You might have a husky voice. You might also come off as snapy or sassy sometimes. People can literally see you how tired you are . Some of you could have sleepy eyes. Strangers see you as someone who values their beliefs. I'm getting a tired CEO like imagine you are a CEO and you stayed awake whole night to complete your woke and them went out to grab yourself a coffee and then your coffee with a tired and husky voice yeah something like that. Idk why I'm getting Kim Taehyung's vibes from you. Some Workaholics here lol. Strangers might catch instant crushes on you like airport crush . You aesthetic might be similar to bts v. Even strangers feel like you are their their soulmate. Godd damn some nice looking people here lol even I'm jealous of you. You can be bossy and straightforward with your way of talking like "no Peter I don't take shit from you ". A lot of you come off as someone who's very tired more like tired or the amount of attention you get 💀.

____________________________________

I hope you enjoyed this reading and like this series.

Please show love and support :)

833 notes · View notes

the-shy-wolf · 1 month

Text

I'm still wondering if anyone caught on that Jax x Rory is just the t4t version of Romeo x Juliet.

I know it's cliche of me to base a mini comic series off an over-hyped Shakespearen play, but at the same time, I wanted something simple to be inspired by- and while most can argue that Shakespeare's works are deeper and hold more value than "simple"- what I mean to say, is that I wanted inspiration from something that is very well known and beloved by many.

While Romeo and Juliet kicks off as an almost lighthearted story, everyone knows that it ends in tragedy. It represents the coming of age or "puppy love" [as many have called it] that teens/young adults experience in their first stages of life. Jax and Rory are both in their early twenties because for me- it makes the most sense. That was around the time in my life that I began to try and form relationships/date. I also want to say, it's probably one of the most difficult stages in life, because you are being thrown into adulthood and attempting to find your independence- while also trying to map out your self identity.

Everything in your early twenties is extremely fast paced. You're finding ways to survive while also staving off the feeling of loneliness that adulthood brings. All of your friends have moved away to start their own journeys, and perhaps you yourself have moved away from your family and friends. This loneliness can cause you to make desperate attempts to reach out to anyone or anything .

It's even worse if you're still being controlled by your parents, because we are constantly being told to "act like adults", but are never given the opportunity to make our own decisions. We are still being told how we must present ourselves or act, and while this may not be the case for everyone, it's definitely something I myself have experienced or heard others experience- especially those within the queer community.

I want this series to not only be relatable, but also realistic in a sense that relationships and young love are complicated. So often we see love in media displayed as this untainted/simple thing, when really there are layers- and while Jax and Rory starts off light-hearted enough, I want to bring that depth that's so often missed.

As to whether the story will end in tragedy like 'Romeo and Juliet', I still have yet to decide. I do hope, however, those who have kept up with the series so far- stick around long enough to find out.

As always, I greatly appreciate everyone's support. The fact that people even take the time to look at or admire my art makes me extremely happy. I am very grateful and humble, as I've never would've in a million years thought my work would matter.

So thank you again, and thank you so much for reading!

#jax and rory #drabble

27 notes · View notes

peptothesi · 2 years

Text

Calling them big bro or referring them to an older sibling (platonic)

Jonathan

🐶 Tears he will tear up 100%

🐶 He always wanted a sibling 🥺 dio doesn’t count for obvious reasons 😒

🐶 He wears the big brother label with pride he might as well be your big brother.

🐶 He will make sure you’re hydrating, eating well and getting enough love.

🐶 He will pat you on the back or the head daily!

🐶 He pulls you into bone crushing hugs but won’t squeeze you too hard cause that’s not very polite of him.

🐶 He will talk about you all the time not even in a bragging way he’s just so proud of you he HAS to tell everyone about you.

🐶 “Oh Y/N actually (insert a cool thing you did) the other day they’re so talented”

🐶 Erina and Speedwagon are just happy for him and they adore you too btw.

🐶 He will always push you to help you he is #1 hype man .

🐶 Will teach you a few hamon skills if you are generally interested.

🐶 “Y-you see me as a brother? Really? No it’s ok! I see you like family as well even though we aren’t related I will be the best brother non the less”

Joseph

✈️ OH MY GOD!!

✈️ Shocked like what?! Really?

✈️ He always wanted a little sibling!!

✈️ Caesar always talks about his and he gets so jealous even though he brags about being an only child and getting all the love.

✈️ He is going to teach you everything he knows!

✈️ He would be so careful with you as in he’d be playful but god help him if you get hurt.

✈️ He’ll show you how to use the clackers he uses and how to read people.

✈️ BUT he’s still a little shit so he’s going to give you noogies and tease you relentlessly.

✈️ It’s his job as your big brother to make fun of you.

✈️ He’d hiss at Caesar if he gets too close “OI CAESAR!! You’ve got plenty of your own siblings leave mine be!!”

✈️ He would give such nice hugs and they would be so comfy and safe.

✈️ He would beat the shit out of anyone for you literally “Give my your money you brat!!” ”And who do you think you are mugging my little sibling you prick!!”

✈️ He’s an asshole but he has his moments.

✈️ “Wait what did you call me?! OH MY GOD!! Really! You see me as a big brother! I’ll be the best brother ever HEAR THAT CAESAR YOU BIT-“

Jotaro

🐬 Uhhh good for you?

🐬 He’s so confused but he’s not showing it.

🐬 I mean that’s sweet but why him cause it’s also really weird.

🐬 Another sibling less jojo, except he’s fine being the only child.

🐬 I mean he likes you as much as he can like a person but siblings are a bit too much maybe close distant cousins.

🐬 He might interact with you, you get more grunts and hums from him.

🐬 He nodded in your direction one time, he might offer a cigarette.

🐬 He stands in front of you if there’s a fight and plays it off as being rude but he’s just protecting you in a very discreet way.

🐬 He smiled VERY VERY slightly at you when you weren’t looking.

🐬 “… Yare yare daze”

Josuke

💛 Oh my god yes!

💛 He’s giving his mom the adoption papers as we speak!

💛 I mean technically he has a half sister but he’s never met he before so yeah.

💛 He embraces that shit so much like you might as well be related.

💛 Teases you like there’s no tomorrow.

💛 If your hair is long enough he will put it up in a pompadour so you too can match.

💛 He takes a ton of pictures and he has his favourite one framed.

💛 Is legit happy though because he always wanted a sibling.

💛 You still don’t get to diss his hair but you don’t get to deal with Crazy diamond instead Josuke will beat you with a chair so feel privileged I guess.

💛 Is also very protective he will lose his shit if he sees someone bothering you.

💛 You’re his new partner in crime now and no you don’t get a choice.

💛 He gets very emotionally attached you have been warned so he will cling to you.

💛 He will call you sis or bro or sib or just refer to you as his sibling cause you are now.

💛 “Hold on what?! Oh my god that’s so cute! Yes you can call me that!!C’mon sib let’s go annoy Rohan! This is so cool!”

Giorno

🐸 I honestly don’t see him too bothered.

🐸 Suprised? Yes. Flattered? also yes.

🐸 He might praise you more and give you more affection like patting your back just something simple.

🐸 I don’t know he doesn’t seem like he would be opposed to it he’s just very mellow about it I guess.

🐸 If he’s at a shop he might get you something small.

🐸 “ Oh? That’s very kind of you to see me like that,thank you “

#jotaro x reader #joseph joestar x reader #jonathan joestar x reader #josuke higashikata x reader #giorno x reader #jjba x y/n #jjba x reader #gn y/n #male y/n #female y/n

545 notes · View notes

ateezivy · 1 year

Text

the kiss

( 2023 )

warning! mentions of hate? jealousy?

london has been incredible. ivy always loved coming here, she loved the sights, the food, it was a change from korea and michigan. she also really loved the accents, though she has a hard time understanding some of them.

performing for the fans brought out a new light in her, no matter what mood she's in, having fun on stage and seeing fans getting hyped along with them has always made her happy. and london was a fairly good audience, loud, exciting. it made them all feel so alive to be so welcomed.

"what's my name!" ivy yelled with a smile as the audience yells back her name. she shakes her head, with a fake disappointed look on her face, masking her smile that was fighting to come back. "not loud enough london! i said what's my name!" she yelled louder, getting an even louder, and some barks. "bark?" she asked, seeing if it would work. and before she could even move the arena was filled with barking. the boys all laughed as the girl looked back and teased mingi "they always scream louder for me"

the audience freaked out screaming, the boys laugh at her slightly dirty joke as mingi tilted his head and raised his eyebrows. she gives him an innocent smile before he laughs and they move on with the show.

that's one of her favorite thing with touring, interacting with the audience, the teasing between the stars and the fans. it made all of them feel closer to atiny.

she also really loved ready signs, flags, and whatever else the fans would bring. as long as they don't disrupt other people's views, she loves seeing them. as she was looking through the audience, she spotted a gay pride flag, and of course she's going to snatch that shit up. she crouches down and started reaching for it, that's when a few other atiny's started holding things up and showing other signs. she grabbed the flag and a stuffed kirby so she could give it to wooyoung.

as she turned, she saw her boyfriend walking over with a smile, he helps her wrap the flag around her shoulders as she shows him the 'mini wooyoung' as she called it. in the corner of her eye she saw another sign go up in the front.

'MINGI I CAN BE YOUR DESIRE INSTEAD.' mingi read it, starting to understand the meaning and then looked down at ivy, who seemed upset by the sign. she gets that fans will obviously love her and the boys, they will have crushes on them, they will write fanfiction and everything else. and that's fine. but sometimes they cross the line.

she's sure the fan meant no harm by it, she's sure they found it funny. but ivy didn't. and maybe she's overreacting, it's a possibility. but it still doesn't stop her from being upset. mingi tapped her waist, letting her know that her line was coming up before moving her away from the sign.

she put a smile back on and made her way to the other members and continued singing the lyrics to wave. she gave wooyoung the kirby plush, and appeared on camera wearing the flag, making everyone go nuts.

the concert went on, they do their quick changes, the messing around onstage, and of course the intense dancing. ivy planned something, and the boys knew it. but they just weren't sure what...

it's scary when ivy uses her knowledge and power, she holds a lot of it, but only uses it in certain circumstances. after the main setlist was over, they did their talk with atiny and all that. that's when they go backstage and get ready for their encore.

they get through turbulence, celebrate, and from, some of their most heartfelt songs. ivy is always surprised she makes it through those songs without crying, even now. looking at the fans, and seeing just how far they've made it as a team, a family, it surprises her with every stop.

the members go through and talk about touring more, making more music, how much they love atiny, the usual. after that it was finally time for the real, and ivy's plan.

the real was one of her favorite songs to perform, it was so fun and lively and she could really just be herself. the ending, was obviously the best part. some members and dancers jumps in the circle and freestyle. some time ivy and yunho would go out together and do a sneaky dance that they choreographed, fans always assume a duet video will be coming out soon. or she and mingi will go out and goof around.

nearing the end ivy whisper, well, more of yells, in mingi's ear about her plan. in return she received a shocked look but a shrug and a nod anyway. the two go in the middle, and mingi spins his girlfriend before kissing her lips. he grabs her leg and bends her back a little bit. the cameraman zooms in to give a better view before the lights go out

the fans can see hongjoong standing there frozen, too shocked and confused to move. seonghwa in the same position but wide eyes. yunho and jongho are laughing, shocked but cheering them on. wooyoung is just straight up laughing ass off and falling on san and the older stand there with his hand over his mouth. yeosang can't believe his eyes, so much so that he covers them with his hands.

they would receive some words from management... and hongjoong.

taglist: @atolua @skzfairies @itzy-eve @cixrosie @stopeatread @alixnsuperstxr @smh-anon @txt-yaomi @starmaniic

96 notes · View notes

himbo-in-limbo · 7 months

Text

Kure Rain x s/o Rant! (New season spoilers)

[tw gore n bloody stuff mentioned]

In hype of the new season (that I literally just finished binge watching a couple days ago)

It got me thinking of my mans

That crazy bastard that I love sm Kure Raian

(I'm so fuckin mad about what was supposed to be his big fight when the coup happened)

Anyways anytime I read a fic of Raian x reader it's always the same-ish thing of the reader not fully loving the sheer brutality that Raian is

I can't be the only one that gets excited seeing him covered in blood! Like dawg if I saw him all nice n bloody like that with a sexy smile comin at me all nonchalant

Like "Hey baby~ did you like the bloodbath?" I'm jumping on him and making out right then n there..

I wanna be covered in the same blood ya feel me? (That's TMI probably..)

It's probably bc I'm a fan of gore or something but like you gotta understand that killing is not only his job ITS HIS PASSION

And him being an asshole is also part of it, sure you can try n convince him to not FULLY kill someone but honestly I'd say you have a 1% chance of succeeding...

It'd have to be a solid good reason tho

Not just cuz your his partner...

Even so! Odds are the person he's messing with is a stranger to you 😭 (if your not into him killing random ppl then maybe not be in a relationship with him)

He has few morals...which align with his assassin fams code but he's just a morally grey character

That's what's so hot about him honestly

You can't ever really predict who he'll spare and for what reason...

But you get to see his fine ass just deal with grown ass men like nothing is a treat all in it's own

Hell we don't even know how he'd act in a relationship bc he hardly ever shows interest in anyone like that! He likes scarring people to hell tho

So I'd wager if you "end up with him" expect it to be a big ol situationship...

It's best to not put labels on it bc if you pressure him with that he looks like the type to leave...

And even if you are sick of it! Just tell him up front that he can either make it official or you'll leave!

That might make him realize that he has something genuine with you OR y'all just break it off and you can find yourself a better partner

Bc lets face it 😭 he's....not the best

His familys great tho I bet they'd be all over you

Especially if you're cool with reproducing an heir 💀

If not hey their just shocked he was able to find ANYONE that would "date" him

Like really? Him? Okay...

Raian doesn't strike me as the type to care much if you leave him, tho if you did have a profound impact on him

I think he'd stalk you for a bit...you'd never know he's there btw

He'd totally stalk the hell outta your new partner tho...and if their no good he'll kill em with much thought..

He dose care in his own way :D it's just bat shit crazy

I feel like If Raian did have a canonical partner they'd have to be a bit cooky themselves ya know? 😭

N yeah he might not say much but he dose better expressing his feelings through acts of service or just in general sleeping with you

Bc again we haven't seen him interact with anyone like that or show interest at all!

So odds are him sleeping with people is a rare thing! (Demisexual ass...)

But yeah back to him fighting n stuff I feel like he'd be super happy if his partner was also excited about seeing a real blood bath of a fight

Like yeah probably not the best influence on him like that but asdhsjsnskk

Honestly I wouldn't be able to help it

He's like when ppl are in love with the horror icons

You love ppl like ghost face n Jason! There def not gonna stop doing what they do! N their hella crazy!

That's the vibes Raian gives me...

The only thing that's different is, I feel like the more years you spend with him he WILL calm down by like 10% and he may not go off on ppl randomly like when he was younger but he'd still do it on occasion...

#i ran outta fule to finish this sounding more coherent...#but yea i just want a fic where the reader loves raian being raian #just two crazy blood lust lovers #they never outright encourage it but raian knows his partner loves seeing him dominate weaklings...#kure raian #limbo rants #limbo writes #kengan ashura #tw gore #tw blood mentioned

36 notes · View notes

cloudcountry · 4 months

Note

Sometimes I wonder what the ikerev cast and I would have as a dynamic

There is the fact that I don't drink and neither does Jonah seemingly, unless I'm missing smth ; so I'd have a sober buddy thank god.

Lancelot would have to adjust to the presence of someone who is so similar to him that it might be disturbing on the first few interactions

Zero just sounds like a good guy. Plus he's your man so I'd probably see him around if you're around too, which I wouldn't complain about .

Blanc seems like a pleasant fella, haunted by something which is a mood. I hope he has a good day .

I'm hiding the alcohol and forcing these men into trying out a sober month though , so I'm not so sure the drunk doctor will like me (sucks to be him, I'm not letting anyone have an unchecked unhealthy relationship with alcohol)

Also idk who luka is but he seems sweet.

Hm. I honestly don't know enough about these men to write much but the ideas are funny

EHEHEHE i know right??? i cant speak of jonahs alcohol habits but i DO know that zero doesnt usually drink because he gets sleepy when he gets drunk. so he tends to avoid it unless kyle (the drunk doctor guy LMAO love how you described him like that) drags him into it. like i remember in edgars route most of the officers hang out in the kitchen and start getting drunk and zero gets ORANGE JUICE and i was like. hes so real for that i want some too.

honestly i think lance might keep an eye on you. he puts up a lot of emotional walls so it'd probably be unnerving for him to have someone who can just Understand him so easily. hes like a cat istg

Zero just sounds like a good guy. Plus he's your man so I'd probably see him around if you're around too, which I wouldn't complain about.

i have nothing to say these are the most perfect two sentences ever written <33333

he's the BEST guy. he's THE guy. he's always defending and protecting alice even if it isn't his route he's always looking out for her and he's always working so hard to make sure the people he cares for are safe and happy AAHRGARRGHHGRHGRA

blanc is absolutely haunted by something. idk what. but he is. and luka is really sweet!!! ive . only read bits and pieces of him through vio's screenshots but what i've seen is SO PRECIOUS i get the hype.

KYLE WORRIES HE WITH HOW MUCH HE DRINKS,,, especially since my family doesnt drink at all and ive never touched alcohol in my life?? like yea alcohol is okay sometimes but it seems like he drinks EVERY NIGHT which is really,,,, worrying.

#rubia <3 #auburn talks ikerev <3

13 notes · View notes

ecoamerica · 25 days

Text

youtube

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

6K notes · View notes

femmeroi · 4 months

Note

You SHOULD talk about Manjoume Jun's queerness, he's an icon and that's an essay I'd love to read

I SHOULD !!! Jun is my (4th) favourite nasty dude hes so hes so hes o so so so. His gender game is so immaculate and he is only maybe a he/they on a good day. He’s playing 5d gender chess in a uno world. He has so many layers even he isn’t ready to pull them all back yet. His he/him pronouns are an unanswered prayer. He pays child support for masculine terms, they're all he has left after the divorce. I think he always has one foot in the closet, I don’t think he ever really got over his brother's abuse, and if he didn't have friends like Fubuki he’d never accept himself. Even when he accepts himself it's in a very limited way. He's flamboyant, he's unapologetic, he's afraid. To ME he is a nonbinary trans woman gay man, he's a faggot woman, and I think that's beautiful.

GX as a whole can be read in a very queer way when you consider the ties between familial relationships, duel spirit relationships, and personal acceptance. This tie is most obvious in Jun, who has a solid and obvious arc centering these three aspects. Even then, I feel like people often misinterpret or waterdown his. Everything.

Under the read more is a very long breakdown of my thoughts. If something doesn't make sense, sorry, I have divine madness and a fever.

I’m going to start off with his family, everyone knows them, everyone hates them, and everyone misunderstands them. People often fall into the belief that after his duel with Chosaku, Jun obtained some kind of absolute freedom from his family, often even saying he cut them off. I don’t believe this is entirely correct or incorrect, it’s a belief that's in the right direction while missing the nuance of his situation. Jun’s familial arc isn't about severing ties or escaping abusive structures, it’s about easing the pain by gaining respect. Jun still has a role within the Manjoume Group after his duel with Chosaku, the difference is that after their duel he got their trust. It’s with that trust he got a semblance of freedom, and I believe people often conflate that freedom with absolute liberation.

Jun still works for his family, he is still under their influence, they are just more hands off about it now than before. I say this because his role in the Manjoume Group clearly means a lot to Jun, this is seen through his displays of wealth and his insistence to be called “Manjoume” long after everyone is on a first name basis. He's even seen using the Manjoume Groups money and name to renovate facilities within the school, and if you think that's something an estranged family would allow I have. Serious questions. Like what's your estranged parents credit card number. His connection to the Manjoume Group is only reinforced in season four, where his intention isn’t to get away from his family rather it is to prove himself worthy to his family. His role in the Manjoume Group is also recognized by other characters, which shows that even publicly he is affiliated with them.

All that said, Jun’s brothers are still extremely controlling and abusive people. My dearest mutual (also the very person to send the ask. Hi friend <3) Ren Krakenshaped said one of the minor themes of GX is, “[The] negative influences in your childhood [and how they] can affect you liberating yourself from those negative influences.” I absolutely love the way they worded it and I can’t agree more. I’m putting this here not just to hype her up but also to expand on it in relation to Jun. While I believe Jun's familial arc isn't about absolute liberation, he still gets a semblance of freedom as I mentioned before. He's able to use the cards he wants and he has less pressure to be absolutely perfect, but he still acts as a representative for his family.

The pressure he's under is still present, showing itself in a lesser way through his self-deprecating comments, inferiority complex, and his fear of failure. I think it's important for people to recognize the presence and control that the Manjoume Group still has on him even after his moment of “liberation” against Chosaku. Not everyone can and not everyone will escape the negative influences in their life. There's a lot that can be done with the balance Jun has achieved with his family, but he still does have to play by their rules.

Now that I got the familial situation outlined, it’s time to talk about his duel spirits ! And I promise I WILL bring this all around to his queerness. I prommy. Hold on with me for another couple hundred words. Unlike Johan, Yusuke, and Judai, Jun didn't have some innate connection to duel spirits. His ability to see and interact with the spirits appeared later in life, more specifically during the worst part of his life up to that point. Jun was under pressure to be the perfect child, and then he got demoted from the Obelisk Blue dorms, and then he got stranded at sea, and then his deck got stolen. And at some point in all of that, he started seeing duel spirits.

I think two things were integral to his awakening, the first was his need to grow as a duelist, and the second was isolation. His need for growth comes from him failing to live up to his family's name, but the growth itself happens when his family is absent. After getting stranded at sea, Jun had no line of communication with his brothers, and he didn’t regain communication with them until he went back to the Central Duel Academia campus. On top of that the people in North Academy seem not to know- or care in case of the headmaster- about Jun’s family name. With this Jun is temporarily freed from the expectations his family and peers place onto him- and instead he is able to focus on growing in his own way. It’s at the North Academy Jun is able to solidify his persona, and it’s at the North Academy he is able to start building his own deck instead of using whatever his family provides.

His individualism and desperation leads him to Ojama Yellow, his need to keep his family life and dueling life separate leads him to the other two Ojama brothers, and his first steps in the professional field created the card Pride Shout. His growth as a duelist, and his relationship with his spirit partners, is linked to the distance he has from his family. His communication with duel spirits, while a physical reality in the show, also functions as a device to show Juns road to self actualization as he comes to terms with his own identity.

And then we get to the actual treatment of his duel spirits. It's made clear through the anime that he does like his duel spirits, and that they know it. He has several decks, not because he's some great duelist like Daichi, but because he cares for the spirits attached to them. And if a card has no purpose he will make them one- either through strategy or by making a whole new card out of pure will.

Despite all this, hes a fucking asshole to his duel spirits. He writes on their cards, he yells at them, he hits them, he throws them in the dirt. While a lot of this behavior is easy to write off as “typical tsundere Jun” or as a gag, I can't help but wonder what's so different between Fubuki, for example, and Ojama Yellow. They're both flamboyant, loud, and annoying. Maybe it's because Ojama Yellow is pathetic. Then what's the difference between Fubuki and the Dark Scorpions ? As a duelist, the decks function as an extension of his character, and his fate more often than not relies on their performance. All things considered, he should be treating them with respect.

I think, specifically for his deck, his distaste comes from the fact that they are an extension of him. Not because he has a horrifying inferiority complex, but because the spirits then function as a part of his identity that he can not control. He can choose the cards in his deck, for the most part, but he can not make the cards act in any specific way. And I don't necessarily think he wants to control how the spirits act, instead he happened to meet them during a time he had no semblance of control after spending years of his life curating a very specific image for himself and he had a hard time coping with the fact that everything he worked for may very well disappear soon if he doesnt start acting in a specific way once again. This is also why he starts being nicer to his cards in season four, the moment he gets his identity back, the moment he has a direction in life, he calls Ojama Yellow his ace. Love !

So like. Why did I say all of that ? Well, I feel like outlining how his familial relationship actually works and how he manages things like duel spirits is really important to understanding how he’d approach a queer identity- and thanks to bandit Keith homophobia is ambiguously cannon and I’m going to accept all the baggage that comes with. I see a lot of queer readings of Jun’s journey begin and end with Chosaku’s duel, or be reduced to “well the card's name is Pride Shout.” And that’s. Not it. To me, Jun’s queer journey never did begin. Not on the outside at least. The duality between his flashy attire and self image issues, the contrast between his free going deck and his need to uphold the family name, the lingering control that the Manjoume group has on him through Chosaku and through public perception, it all just feels so closeted to me. I love that Jun was able to find a part of himself, but he was never able to fully embrace it out of shame until the very last duel of his. I love how he holds onto fear even after that moment. I love how much Jun does without actually doing, I love how he found a way to be himself despite living under his family's expectations, I love how genuinely stifling it is for him, I love how he never stops trying anyway. I think his character is best served in the closet, I think he needs to leave his family, but I dont think it's that easy for him. It's really hard to grow past the negative influences in your life when you set them as your goal.

Anyway nonbinary trans woman gay man Manjoume Jun realness !

#If anyone reads all of this I'm sorry and we are married (divorce is possible)#I KNOW THIS DOESN'T MAKE SENSE I'M SORRY #I suffer with a disease. It makes it impossible to put words into writing. I will try anyway !

16 notes · View notes

linkspooky · 10 months

Note

spooky how would you go about writing toji and writing dialougue for him? i'm working on a mini-comic about him and his life after his first wife died and i have no clue how to properly write dialogue for him. it's not that i don't understand his character so much as it is that i don't know how to write him in character tbh whether they like him or not most people in the fandom mischaracterize toji and they strip away all the nuances and complexities in his character which is obviously smth i want to avoid

thank you so much in advance and i really like reading your jjk metas! they always provide great food for thought

Sorry for the late reply Anon, I was waiting for episode two of Hidden Inventory to come out to give some more frame of reference for Toji.

If you want to write Toji in character, the same as Mai it's best to understand how Gege intended to use him in the story. Toji is primarily Megumi's foil, he serves as Megumi's shadow. A shadow archetype is a character made up of everything repressed by another character. We our blind to our faults, so normally the shadow is made up of negative qualities, but it's not all negative qualities. It's what we are unaware of.

Which is why like you said anon, Toji is not an entirely negative character he's one with nuance. The best way to understand him is to compare him with Megumi, because he's in story to highlight certain aspects of Megumi.

Megumi is a Clone of Toji

Maki despite being constantly hyped as the second coming of Toji, doesn't have nearly as much in common as Megumi does with his father. Not only do they look exactly the same, but Megumi suffers from all of his father's flaws for similiar reasons (they were both abandoned by their parents, the chain of abuse with the Zen'in was left unbroken and Toji repeated the cycle).

My general guideline for both characters is what Megumi represses, Toji expresses. In other words, Megumi is an incredibly repressed character who subconsciously limits himself and chains himself down. This is msot shown in Gojo's confrontation with Megumi in origin of obedience, calling him out for being self-sacrificing in nature.

Megumi's self-sarcifice however, veers into self-sabotage territory because he's always comparing himself to the other people around him and finding himself lesser. He doesn't prioritize himself, and that kind of selflessness harms him in the long run. Which leads to Megumi's problems, he coasts on natural talent and doesn't live up to his full potential despite having the one technique that could beat the limitless. For Megumi, the advice "It's okay to be selfish" is actually sorely needed.

Whereas for Toji, he doesn't really need to be told it's okay to be selfish. Toji's defined by his selfishness. If Megumi is restrained and one who "inherited the curse of the Zen'in Family" (in that he's still a product of the Zen'in Family's abuse, because Toji repeated what was done to him, then Toji is referred to as someone who is free.

What exactly does freedom mean in this context though? The freedom to do whatever you want? The freedom to be whoever you want? In the same fight scene against Dagon, Toji is also referred to as a puppet of carnage mindlessly attacking the others around him. Obviously, a puppet isn't "Free" there's a contradiction there, and here's where we start unraveling the nuance that is Toji.

From the perspective of say Maki, Toji is someone who's free, because he's strong enough to do whatever he wants. Maki who equates strength to her way of liberating herself from the Zen'in would obviously look to Toji someone who could have taken on the whole Zen'in singlehandedly, but that's a simplistic view that equates strong = good.

However, when comparing him to Megumi, Megumi's selflessness and Toji's selfishness comes from the same source. They are both entirely lacking in a sense of self. Toji is rejected by his entire clan and eventually thrown out, Megumi is abandoned by his father and forced to fend for himself. Neither of them had parents to raise them into fully developed individuals.

So, Megumi is incredibly childish as a teenager, and Toji is a man-child. A person with no stable sense of self will act unstable, and therefore we get to Toji's behavior.

Toji is the kind of person who kils for money and is incredibly well-paid, and then spends it like jet-fuel blowing it on races and things he doesn't need, and then when he runs out of money he finds a woman to mooch off of. His whole life is unstable, he has no place to belong, no permanent attachment to anyone, he jumps from contract to contract, woman to woman. Now, you could construe that as being free because Toji like I said does whatever he wants. He doesn't limit his beahvior for anyone else.

From what we know after the death of Megumommy, Toji just sort of gave up, he even says so in his own narration "to be proud of neither myself, nor others..." so he is free to choose his path in life but he chooses to be the most despicable person possible.

Which is where you get to why Toji repeats the cycle. Toji is genuienly traumatized, but he almost uses that trauma as an excuse, it's permissive in his case. Permission to do what he wants, he is rejected by his own society and therefore he rejects it in turn. Toji is continually making himself out to be the worst person possible, and part of the reason is rejected by everyone his self-esteem is genuinely that low and he can't see himself as good person or someone capable of any goodness or love towards others. However, when he then acts out that trauma on others, they become a victim of it.

Toji sees himself as someone with no potential, someone incapable of anything good, which is why he never aspires to be better than what happened to him. Considering the Zen'in is a den of toxicity though, it's hard to see him turning out any other way, shutting off all emotions and making himself numb to the world is something he seemed to do for survival. And even Toji cared enough to try to build a life with Megumi's mother, but that dealt the final blow when he lost her. Toji doesn't try anymore, he doesn't aspire to do anything he just revels in the worst of himself.

However, the fact that Toji has to insist that he doesn't care over and over again obviously indicates the fact that he does care. He forgets Meguimi's name, and remembers it on the brink of death. Both of his dying thoughts, when he dies against Gojo, and when he's resurrected temporarily are all about Megumi, his last words to Gojo are telling him of his plan to sell Megumi to the Zen'in and asking him to do whatever he wants.

Megumi and Toji are also very similiar in that aspect too, because Megumi does not think he's a good person. In fact, Megumi's relatoinship with Tsumiki mirrors Toji's relationship with Megumama. With Tsumiki it's always "you're a good person, and I'm not." When he decides to go with Gojo, it's only for Tsumiki's sake.

And finally similiar to Toji we are shown that Megumi's absolute breaking point is the death of Tsumiki. The point where he stops resisting Sukuna's takeover of his body. Neither Megumi or TOji can love themselves, but they are capable of loving others, and when they lose those people they spiral into even worse versions of themselves.

They have extremely negative views of themselves, and because of that they uplift others around them in order to lower their self esteem even further in the comparison.

Toji has a lot of Megumi's good qualities because they're repressed too. At his core Toji is childish and wants to love another person and be loved, but he can't bring himself to do that because he finds himself too broken by his upbringing. Yet, he's also not as bad as he presents himself to us, even his decision to sell Megumi to the Zen'in number one was because he genuinely thought that place would be better, and number two apparently Naobito was going to make Megumi clan head.

Toji is deceptive as a character, because he's deliberately pretending to be a scumbag so he doesn't have to face who he is inside. He just hates himself so he doesn't work hard to improve himself. The Zen'in reject him, so he rejects everyone in return and doesn't live by anyone's standards but his own.

He is free, but in a way it's kind of a child's idea of freedom. He's stronger than anyone, he does what he wants, he spends all his money, he lives incredibly selfishly without caring about other's feelings.

He's also not free, because Toji is too bound by his past. He can't be a loving father because the pain of his past is too much, he can't be good, he can't love his son properly, and he can't be there for him too.

Toji is defined as much as by what he can't do, as what he can do.

Also, for character voice this is some brief advice, but number one Toji is a liar. He pretends to be a much more scummy person than it is, so basically whatever comes out of his mouth he's going to put it in the msot asholeish way possible. Hence, we get stuff like this:

Number two, Toji has a rude way of speaking to others that is once again childish. When Hong starst questioning his plan, and complaing he goes CHHH CHHH YOU'RE BREAKING UP.

Toji's also more intelligent than he lets onto be, he outwitted Gojo and Geto after all the two strongest sorcerers of their generation, by sending in flunkies first to wear them down and then catching Gojo completely offguard. They didn't see him coming whatsoever.

Toji is also a little bit more well-spoken in his internal thoughts than his external dialogue. "I wanted this for self-afirrmation and I deviated from my true self..." is pretty poetic, for a guy who's usual default way of speaking is rude asshole. He even dies with the line "I thought I had set aside such petty pride" like, he's more of a deep thinker than he lets on.

Finally Toji is incredibly flippant, a lot of his dialogue is insisting he doesn't give a shit (spoiler warning: he does). He's the kind of person who can shoot a teenage girl in the back of the head and appear to feel nothing about it, he's that distanced from his own emotions. So, you're going to want to write him to appear completely callous towards others and especially their feelings.

Alright, that's all I got for Toji. I hope that helps you with your comic, anon!

#toji zenin #toji fushiguro #megumi fushiguro #askspookies

32 notes · View notes

mrsmiagreer · 3 months

Text

Alright. Little big rant because i’ve nowhere else to turn :)

Edit: Omgggg this is lengthy asf😭 sorry for those who are actually reading…i don’t think I realized I would be talking n writing for this long and i literally won’t br offended if nobody reads this all the way down. Mb😭

so… some of you may know, I am very easily hyper fixated on things. Right now my top two hyper fixations are redacted ASMR (as you know), and the Sturniolo triplets (as you also recently know.)

I was watching the cut the camera podcast on YouTube and I went all the way back to their very first episodes of it because I want to watch from the beginning and catch up. I was watching episode three where they brought on their first guest speaker, Baylen Levine, and it was pretty inspiring to me because they talked about doing a lot of the stuff that I aspired to do as a kid.

For example, they talked about how they have always known that they wanted to be influencers from when they were small, and they’ve recorded a large portion of their lives, and they’ve made sure to document just being themselves, and they realized (from vine or jake and logan paul or people in that genre) that they could make a fortune of it. They talked about how they would post on YouTube or post on TikTok and after they started getting lots of likes and views they committed themselves to it and that’s how they are where they are today.

I have always wanted to be an influencer. As a kid, I have made multiple YouTube channels and Musical.ly and Tiktok accounts with videos of me just talking or singing, or dancing, and in 2020 during quarantine I was literally posting TikToks every single day, hoping that I would blow up like Charli or Addison. Those days I was obsessed with the New Jersey boys (Kairi Cosentino, Mattia Polibio, Alejandro, Rosario, etc.) who are also famous on TikTok, and I wanted to be famous too, so I can meet them and even come close to being in their league.

I wanted to be famous… Well, I didn’t want some of the stuff that came along with being actually famous, but I did want to be impactful enough to be considered famous so like Internet famous, not actor famous or singer famous (even though lots of people told me that I should be a singer because I can sing). I think I just have anxiety around the fact that I’ll always be watched and judged, and I’d have to watch what I say or filter what I do from the Internet and separate my life from my business. especially as a teenager, being famous seemed really difficult. and I was also really lazy so I didn’t wanna have to do the work of uploading every day, recording every day, editing, coming up with my own ideas every week, etc..

watching their podcast videos also confirmed my fear of not blowing up as easy because I was alone. I have a little sister but she’s six years younger than me, and so the content and the way I wanted to portray myself wouldn’t have been as suitable because of our circumstances as a family and our age gap. The triplets were talking about how they’ve never had to really feel alone while coming up in this social media business because they’ve always had each other, so not only are they brothers, but they’re also best friends and business partners. Baylen was talking about how he started his channel with his friends because they were doing funny stupid stuff normally in their everyday lives and one day they just decided to film it and it blew up. especially in the social media industry, it seems to be “the more the better” because it gives people the option to pick a favorite of the group or want to know more about somebody in particular or just explore the different personalities and how they complement each other and all that stuff (The NJ boys, The Sturniolos, Team 10, the Hype House, etc). I never had anybody to record these videos with me consistently or anything like that, and I think I figured that I would just get boring and that I’m probably not really enough on my own.

watching their podcasts and watching their YouTube videos always makes me feel like I want to return to content making, but I always wave it off. For starters, I kind of feel too old to start. Not that I’m old or anything but I wanted to start when I was like 11 and really had a chance at like 15 so now I feel like I would be starting in the game too late which is deterring me. I think I also only want to start up my content creating dreams because I really want to meet and be friends with these people that I’ve looked up to and the only way I can do that is by also being famous which sucks because it’s a very low chance that I’ll ever be their friend as some normal person who is technically considered a fan. in the episode with Baylen, they were talking about how now that they’ve met Baylen and they’ve met the cuff boys, They’re only waiting on a few other people to meet before it’s a full circle moment, and they’re content with the progress they’ve made in their career, and the people I want to meet if I were to ever have this platform are the triplets, the New Jersey boys, Berleezy, Coryxkenshin, and probably even Erik because redacted ASMR has literally changed my life so much. it’s opened my mind to how many possibilities there really are when making your own stories because of how many different rules and lands and governments and races there are within Dahlia, and how complex a character themselves could be because they are in fact people before any of their abilities, and it’s given me ideas and inspired me to be a better writer or to be more creative because Erik is literally one of the most creative people I have ever seen in action and i adore his work.

I am one of those people that do have a lot of opinions to say. I have a lot of random thoughts and a lot of ideas that I want to bring to life. When I watch the boys’ car videos, I find myself wanting to add to their conversation, or say something that I feel applies to their situation that could help or that would make them laugh or that I just relate to in general. it makes me almost kind of sad that I would have to put in the work and the grind that could possibly take years, just to become Internet famous, just to join a conversation of theirs, with no guarantee that we’ll even become friends or stay in contact like I’d hope we would.

Also, I’m trying to decide what I want to do in life as a career and YouTube sounds very fun and def brings in a lot of cash but I just don’t know if I can. I just don’t feel like I’m in the right position to do that.

right now I’m thinking about doing something towards psychology, social work, child development, or child therapy, because being in high school made me realize that there are tons of kids that need help badly and there’s not enough child therapists around (or nobody takes school counselors seriously) and so I want to help change that, and I can’t do YouTube and go to school for being a child therapist because that’s

An overload of work and

Two different pathways that I don’t really want to mix.

I feel like there’s a lot of familial pressure around going to college too, especially because I would technically be a first generation student. I feel like my goal with child therapy is very honorable and something that the world definitely needs but I feel like I would genuinely enjoy my life more if I could make money from Vlogging and having fun and going through my life with a camera. and I know that life‘s not all about fun, but it would just make a lot of my internal dreams come to fruition. Like on episode two of cut the camera (I believe) Chris was talking about how being famous allowed him to start the clothing line that he’s always wanted to start, and I’ve always always always wanted to start a clothing line as a kid too. I even have a hoodie with my name on it in my closet right now because I started a clothing line journey and wasn’t consistent. not only would a youtube career allow me to express myself through clothing or conversation, but it would also expand my understanding of technology, business, social interactions, travel, and you never know who you’ll meet or what you’ll end up doing if you don’t start.

people in my life keep telling me that college is the best thing that they’ve ever experienced and that there’s no experience like college, and I completely trust them and understand that it is probably a great experience because it’s basically big high school, but with more legal freedom. I also have no doubt in my mind that I’ll make a lot of connections and meet a lot of great people and learn a lot of things from college because you meet people from everywhere in college, however, being in college would definitely get in the way of me doing YouTube I feel.

and it’s not even that I really even want to do YouTube anymore (Or at least as much as i used to want to), I just want to be big enough to be able to meet these people without looking like some random fan girl… am I delusional? Is this too much? Could I just like their content like a normal human being?

#mia makes a statement #rant post

7 notes · View notes