#and I'm running on low sleep

[pininiu]

NSFW, you have been warned

Valentines has sure been exciting for the BP love interests

If I get banned from anywhere, it was worth it

#I don't have anything to defend myself with #I wanted to make actual valentines art but nothing was working #this was for me and my friends but share the blessings amirite? /j #very low effort on my end but the brain ain't braining #may or may not delete this later #I'm running on the hubris fueled by lack of sleep for a concerningly extensive amount of time

[the-shy-artisan]

I am not going to shut up about the Valhalla DLC for the next four days, so here's a wild theory I was discussing with the discord group last night:

What if... and this is a giant fucking IF, the final boss of this DLC is Greek Era Kratos? Hear me out, the description for this little "expansion" says that this is a deeply personal journey for Kratos, and the appearance of the cyclops gives me a sneaking suspicion that it's not going to be the only Greek Era enemy we'll be facing. Plus the whole "master thyself" thing? What better way for Kratos to overcome his demons than to have him fight himself?

#god of war #god of war vahalla #paige chatter #also super hoping that if there's more greek era enemies; this means they're testing remade/remastered models in the new game engine #and they're considering remaking the first god of war for it's 20th anniversary #plus the cyclops and old music can't just be there for fanservice alone #or maybe it could and i'm just hoping too much #whatever this dlc has in store; i cannot wait #even for just a CRUMB of content; esp if it's greek era related #gonna keep expectations low just to be safe ;;; #also hi i'm running on like four hours of sleep lmaooo

[insurged]

if you want a little something from the stupid asshole astarion ( he has a modern verse *squinty eyes*) , feel free to like. if you want someone else from the roster, you can comment !

#i'm here to write my brain is just telling me #no video games write pls so i'm here #but bg3 is so good i'm late to the party but idc lmfao #me asking astarion who he's interested in: ^_^ #him: definitely not YOU #me: crawls into my bed dejected LMFAO #he's so funny the sass is overwhelming it cracks me up #i've also been running on very low amount of sleep #but i feel like i can focus so hi hi hi <3 #* ⟢ 𝐎𝐎𝐂 ━ ( clench your asshole super tight & scream it from your heart )

[luneariaa]

Hi there!how are you?! Could you write hc about the life of ash lynx x (fem)reader in which they've get rid of dino golzine? Please take your time and thank you!!

hii OMG so sorry this took quite a bit of time to do!! 🌻 had to revisit some BF stuff just to refresh my mind lmao,,

(＾▽＾" ) 💛💛💛

and i'm doing quite well THANK YOU DEAREST ANON!! 💕💕 hoping you're doing well too!! 💖💖💐💐 and i tried my best w/ this so i'm sorry if it's not to your liking!! :")

. dividers by @/cafekitsune ! 💛

first things first, of course, life would be way more peaceful as ever for ash. he doesn't particularly need to feel worried as much. his guard is still up at times ofc, but not as bad as bef.

which means he is able to see you freely now.

and like, he might leave the whole gang/mafia stuff behind, just to try pursuing a normal life with you.

with your constant support ( and maybe sometimes he wouldn't admit it ), he'll get through it well! <33

and i couldn't really decide but-- i feel like he wouldn't need much studying anymore anyway bc of his IQ level :")

buuuuut if he ever did, he probably would've wanted to take the same classes as you do if possible. i mean, he isn't that, yk introverted or anything. he still possesses the feeling of deep mistrust toward people, and i feel like maybeee it's smth he might do.

but yeah i also feel like he would try to actively avoid the whole school stuff. he wouldn't want to be asked with unnecessary questions about his past, lifestyle, etc.

he already wishes to live a normal life, after all.

and like, i somehow able to imagine him working as a barista/waiter of some sort for some reason?? idk why.

anyway, life would still be much better despite on whatever he decided to do ( away from the whole old stuff he experienced ).

he's still healing himself; both physically and mentally. and whatever your role might be around this time-- either as his best friend or even as his girlfriend, you would've support him either way.

just know that ash appreciates you a LOT. even when sometimes he doesn't even know on how to express it that well :")

okay so if the romance route happens somehow, he would be taking you out on a casual date during your break days or even his. depending on your schedules.

but his protective and cautious instinct is still present as always. he wouldn't want anything to potentially harm you when he's trying to move on from his old life with you.

his trauma and his past still haunt him at times, so he's just so, so lucky and grateful that you're there with him even during his lowest moments.

if he ever works or something, you probably will join him so you both work together in a way ( if it's smth you're able to do ).

you both def would live together if you two finally got some stable jobs ( or if you're still studying somehow, part-time job then ); separating the bills smth like that so you both would pay in a fair amount for the monthly rent and even for the groceries stuff.

omg dunno why but the idea seemed comforting-

he wouldn't mind for anything else bc if it meant to live a normal life with you, then so be it.

eiji and shorter would def pay you both a visit occasionally 10000% ( idc this will be my canon now )

i wanted to add more but i'm quite short on ideas rn :") TY FOR REQUESTING HIM OMLL <333

@luneariaa. do not repost; reblogs are alright. all rights reserved.

#aria's post 𖥔 ݁ ˖ #banana fish #ash lynx #ash lynx x reader #ash lynx x you #ash lynx x y/n #eiji okumura #shorter wong #banana fish x reader #i'm running low on sleep so there might be typos and stuff :“)

[midnightkolrath]

Oh boy, its thinking time again.

Though this time, I'm thinking about Mainline Dante and the "Black Sheep" for most fans, DmC Dante. Personally, I don't mind him and he grew on me in some cases. As much of a mess DmC is, playing through it recently after several years....I've seen crumbs of what could've been better than what we were given.

Of course, there's other things about the game that fairly rubs off on hardcore fans and I'm not gonna excuse the bad parts...[ahem] but there's things I like. The world building, parts of the lore....what they were trying to do with Dante as a character in the world setting...alas, I'll probably go on a talk about that stuff another time.

On topic of what I was going to talk about though. I was thinking back on the common reception of DmC and the fanarts of Main Dante beating the shit out of DmC Dante and I got to thinking...what if they actually DID meet each other? Would they respond similarly to these fan vent interpretations accordingly to their characters?

The answer, I think, would be a yes.

Not in the violent and aggressive "I hate you immediately" way, though. For this, I'm going to use DMC5 Dante for Main Dante, for the sake of how I've proccessed this inner question for myself.

For those who've played DmC and know of that Dante (and have paid attention to the story despite the icks), we know he's a fighter. He's been raised in the world that way due to his tragic and shitty upbringing. Same with him having anger issues amongst other things. He shares the impulsive nature Dante used to have back in Pre-DMC1 and DMC3, but cranked up abit.

He'd likely see Main Dante and purposely try to start shit cause he is a little shit like that. He's a teenager who's been through so much shit that he does not meld with people at all at first. He hates authority, is full of spite...yeeeeah....

I think Main Dante would entertain him and be willing to throw down with him because hell, man also loves a good fight and knowing this kid is another version of him? He'd be all over that to see just what the kid's made of.

Though I'd take this fight as Main Dante also trying to help the kid let off some steam, similar to how he handled Nero back in DMC4 when he was steamed and keen to rescue Kyrie and helped him regain a cool head before continuing on his quest.

The big difference between Nero and DmC Dante though, is that DmC Dante has even BIGGER anger issues. He's more violent. More spiteful. Fueled by how much worse he had it growing up. Had to watch his mother's heart get ripped out by Mundus, got seperated from his twin brother and had his memory sealed away....then he also had to deal with being in an orphanage ran by demons, in several foster homes and correction facilities (also, no surprise, ran by demons) so he went through alot of abuse growing up. Its how he knows the usual procedure of being detained and tries to give Kat advice as she's being arrested later on in the game.

He spent his entire life basically having to fight for it with no other choice.

As much of an edgy mess DmC is, it had so much messed up backstory for Dante himself...like aside from all the painfully forced edge of the setting most of the time....I can appreciate what they've molded in the cracks for the setting. Its fucked because the world he's in is fucked.

Anyway. Main Dante would probably let him get so much venting out through fighting, maybe try and try and help him work out his issues. Especially if this is seasoned DMC5 Dante. He's done it with Nero, he would do it again. It'd take alot and I mean ALOT of time I'd feel and I think Main Dante would even snap at DmC Dante over a few things, buuuut....I also feel like it'd eventually simmer down to a mutual understanding. Hell, Main Dante would likely see abit of his Pre-DMC1 and DMC3 selves in him. Kid's just abit more messed up and would need things drilled in more, but it IS stated that DmC Dante has a big heart buried beneath all that he displays. Hell, he shows it a few times in the game. He has a few moments.

I won't try and change minds on how people see him because I know DmC is a touchy subject for most hardcore fans and I get it, but you know. Personally, with it being an alternate reality at this point now that's still recognized by Capcom officially, I see it as harmless nowadays. We got mainline DMC swinging back, so its pretty much just there, haha.

I won't go into powerscaling (because that's a whole other beast of a rabbit hole I don't wanna poke into yet, even if I do think our Mainline Dante would win...the details of it will be thoughts for another time), but considering the circumstances of their characters and how situational it may be.....its just a thought. I dunno, the braincells just decided to think about this topic tonight, lmao.

#devil may cry #dmc devil may cry #leo's DMC analysis #dmc #YUP I'm talking abit about DmC Devil May Cry tonight for once #pardon if I repeat a few times and stumble abit I'm running on low sleep and sickness atm #Might talk more about DmC devil may cry one day but here have some crumbs of thoughts

[prolibytherium]

I only attract people who are extremely needy and high maintenance in ways I am not capable of dealing with or supporting OR people who I actively vibe with and could theoretically maintain a decent relationship but are ex/current christians in a perpetual state of crisis over their homo ways

#I especially don't know why I attract really needy people like you should be running 30000 miles away from #my avoidant attachment swag. I have no idea what you see in me. I cannot save you #Idk about the christians either honestly I'm just cursed #When will I find my fellow anti social low maintenance bestfriend/lover who equally needs to sleep in a separate bedroom and spend #most of the day apart lest we kill each other like two male betta fish in a tiny fishbowl. But we also love each other. #Dream relationship.

[stcnefruit]

— open starter.

status - open to all, but pls read my rules and mobile about (pinned post) first before interacting. don't like my starters. muse - vasti inaiê souza gonçalves, sculptor, potter and printmaker. bisexual, uses she/her pronouns. human, thirty. wanted opposites (in order of priority) - m/nb/f, 30+. mocs (muns/muses of color) preferred. wanted connections - literal strangers, an ex, fellow artist, someone they haven't seen since sixth grade, as long as they're a little richer than vasti is (and not related) go literally batsh*t plot - they're on their way to personally deliver one of their commissions but they haven't slept well in over 48 hours (they've slept enough to not get pulled over, they can drive) and really should have hired a truck or sent it through the post but hey they've done it before and the client is right across town (or city, cough) so it shouldn't be too bad right? they'll make it except you just kind of yk. rear-ended them at the stoplight and their sh*t's in the trunk bc it couldn't fit in the back seat and now you might have just f*cked sh*t up if that packing wrap isn't as good as it's marketed to be. potential meet cute with insurance problems and career threatening happenings basically, what could be better than that

— she hears it before she feels it, the way the body of the car lurches underneath her at the street corner. the rattling in the back is too loud for her to ignore, and she's already doing inventory on what she has with her. registration papers, house keys, studio keys, that flat tire kit she's never had to use in her life and hopes she won't have to now, the delivery— oh God, fuck, the delivery. in the trunk. surrounded by a shit ton of bubble wrap and cling film and whatever the fuck else she wrapped it in at 3am two days ago and placed it in its box, but last she checked no flat tire makes that kind of sound like the kind where there's a bit too much metal and you know in your gut you'll need to call your insurance company. both of them, in her case, if the vehicle in her rearview mirror is giving anything to go by. que se lixe isso, this is not a good day. her blood pressure was not made for this. neither was her neck, for that matter, but she doubts there was enough speed behind the impact to cause any whiplash worth worrying about. she unlocks her phone as she steps out, car door slamming closed behind her, insurance already on speed dial. as a precaution she takes a few photos of the other car's license plate, now neatly tucked (along with the front bumper) just barely under her chassis—she is not paying for this shit if she doesn't have to, especially if the driver in question has enough money to be driving a car like that right into her sedan and especially if they might have just jeopardized her commission. three months, hundreds of hours, possibly damaged in her trunk because it's the one day she didn't have her morning coffee and decided to put it there instead of the backseat, bubble wrap or no bubble wrap. yeah, she'll milk every last penny from that payout while she's at it. might as well be pissed for a reason. 'hey,' she says, coming up to the window as it rolls down, 'i'm sorry, this is going to sound so completely fucking obvious and i know this and you know this but i think you just rear-ended me? and there's something in my trunk that i really need to get out and check on before this day goes any further to shit than it already has so if you could please try and back the fuck up, it would be much appreciated. juro o túmulo da minha mãe.' her mother is alive, thank you very much, but it's not like they need to know that in english or portuguese. // @indiestarter

#* open starters. #( * starters - vasti. ) #( * threads - vasti. ) #indie rp #indie oc rp #indie bi rp #independent rp #indie starter #open starter #( * so like. funny thing when it's OOC/my main i like censor everything. but at this point i've been on Tumblr so long that the #| asterisks are basically me and my hyperfixation and aesthetic choice than anything else bc IC????? no asterisks babe we are writing #| this sh*t out [see. exactly what i mean look at the starter and then look at this. smh] #| anyway say hi to Vasti!!!!!!! treat her nicely she's been rotting my brain for the past week and a half but whatever you do #| this is not good shipping practice for your artwork do not follow this advice tho in her defense she's running on low sleep #| and zero coffee. i also speak no Portuguese whatsoever i get all of this off the net so if it's wrong i'm sorry. i'll fix it sksksksk #| tldr; it's here i got off my ass and wrote a medium length starter after years of not RPing everybody cheer. do not feel pressured #| to match the length this happened bc i am a fic/book writer first and foremost i don't do short unless i'm replying rip )

[james-stark-the-writer]

bought and started playing Cloudpunk because i wanted to watch a video essay on it and honestly, from the video title and based on the person that made the video, i don't know what i was expecting the game to be but i don't know why i didn't expect it to be a "existential dread under capitalism" simulator, this is simply too fucking much. like the game (so far) has some really good fucking writing and really good fucking pacing and really good fucking voice acting and a gorgeous world and great design and aesthetics but like my brain is simply shutting off trying to think about the implications like it's too much. talked to Teko and my brain just switched off trying to think about the implications. talked to Eveline and my brain started to think about the implications and i completely zoned out (not really but my brain was almost static at that point although i clapped when she said "don't tell me how to label myself"). rn i'm only a few deliveries in, i just gave Never-Slow Joe his drive converter and the moral dilemma the game presented was simply too much so i am. done for the day. that is a problem for another day.

#james talks #james plays stuff #cloudpunk #yes btw i delivered the bomb to its location idk what you want me to say. thought it'd be for like revolutionary purposes or something. #but clearly there is no revolution. there is only suffering. there is no mercy killing. we just fucking go on. #talked to Teko the second time and hearing about him and his friend in Tokyo made me wanna fucking bawl. #i did not expect this game to hurt my emotions like that #like jesus fucking christ this game HURTS #and that's not even the existential dread part of it #tbf i am running on low sleep so i am simply a little overwhelmed at the moment but i already adore the game #so thank you Sophie from Mars. ik your video will probably be great but even if it's not the game has already— #affected my life enough for me to be happy about getting it and playing it. i look forward to all the pain it is going to cause me. #also i expected the game to be a simple delivery simulator almost tbh. certainly not THIS. but i'm glad it is this.

[spookietrex]

"She only sleeps when it's raining

And she screams, and her voice is straining

She says, "Baby, it's 3 AM, I must be lonely"

And she says, "Baby, well, I can't help

But be scared of it all sometimes."

-Matchbox Twenty

#3am thoughts #its 3am #i can't sleep #c ptsd #ptsd nightmares #complex ptsd #ptsd #ptsd recovery #actually ptsd #complex post traumatic stress disorder #actually complex ptsd #severe depression #depressing thoughts #depressive #depression #actually disabled #disabled #physical disability #disability #my spoons are running low #actually spoonie #low spoons #spoon theory #spoonie #my brain won’t shut up #i'm scared #I'm getting bad again #actually autism #autistic things #autistic adult

[arashi-no-saxlphone]

All right so the safejump from that setup I saw on dustloop ( Rensen 8 > OTG c.S > 8IAD j.H ) Works on Ky's S Vapor Thrust. It does not work on Leo's S Eisensturm, Sol's S Volcanic Viper (shocker/s), or Chipp's Beta Blade. It's also annoying and sometimes crosses up? Maybe I'm holding 9 instead of 8 sometimes? Idk. Probably works on slower reversals; I didn't test them all. I didn't test it on Sin either I forgoooooooot. Just... just do the safejump off of throw. Whatever. Fuckin DPs man LOL.

#sairambles #guilty gear #axl low #ggst #sol badguy #leo whitefang #chipp zanuff #ky kiske #I'm kinda bummed but not surprised #it's fine I couldn't sleep anyway at this point I'm just killing time until the diner near me opens #but I was kinda hoping this would work on more DPs than it does #I still wanna make a couple posts about Axl's high and low corner routing but #the explanations feel too long and I don't think I wanna record a vocal explanation #every time I listen to myself in a recording I'm like “Who the fuck is that” #anyway it's fine I had fun #just being able to test something new to add is cool cause it spices up what I usually do with Axl #since in a game like Strive it's easy to just kinda run the same offense over and over #<- Don't do this btw #you need to mix it up or you will get your ass kicked #Axl is really only fully effective if you take risks and fake your pressure sometimes #if you just run the same rensen oki all the time the one time you run into someone who can deal with it they'll explode you #source: Me I got my ass beat for months cause I liked doing Rensen too much

[rayssion]

I'm convinced that Regulus had a stuffed animal given to him from either Sirius or Alphard somehow.

But he locked it in his closet before going to Hogwarts because he thought it was 'unmanly' not because his parents told him to.

Nevertheless, sometime during his forth year he took it from the closet for a moment to hug, and ever since he kept it hidden under his pillow for whenever he needs to cuddle or whenever he needs someone to talk to.

#regulus black #idk guys I'm running low on sleep #what's the name of the toy you think? #marauders #the marauders era #sirius black #alphard black

[coquelicoq]

things i learned today:

my stepdad doesn't like the word obituary. why? well i can't be 100% certain because i asked no follow-up questions, but based on the way he relayed this information ("i don't like to use the word [lowers voice] oBITCHuary") i have a pretty good idea.

"we have to google meet" (as in, call each other on the Google Meet app) and "we have to google 'meat'" sound identical and i will interpret it as the latter regardless of how little sense that makes in context.

some drinking glasses have a little divot at the top of the handle into which my thumb fits perfectly!!!!!!!!

apparently when you find yourself at a branch of the library that's closing in three days for renovations, you should go ahead and check out all 11 books you have an eye on, because the computer will give you a due date SEVEN MONTHS INTO THE FUTURE. even though you could return the books at any other branch! jackpot.

#besties i am soooo sleep-deprived and i tell you when she said 'we have to google meet' to me... #i was like oh yeah makes sense. because you have anemia. and she was like what. and i was like wait googling 'meat' wouldn't help #with anemia...like you already know you should eat meat...you already know what foods meat is in...okay so why are we googling 'meat'? #fully trusting her to have a totally rational reason for announcing to me that we should google 'meat' while dropping me off @ the bus stop #fully prepared to support her in this random endeavor of mysterious utility #but she showed me her phone with the google meet icon and was like 'no i'm calling my girlfriend when you get out of the car' #and then we laughed hysterically for like three straight minutes. one of those days besties <3 #fun with words #libraries #my posts #no but the library thing is so funny. these weren't even holds i just started running low on library books so i took myself to a branch #only to see all these signs like 'closing in three days!' which i had no idea was happening because it's not my usual branch #so i was like okay whatever. good thing i didn't try to come three days from now i guess! #then i checked out and it was like due date: october 1 2023. they're like please temporarily store these books for us while we renovate 🥺 #we don't have room for them 🥺because of construction 😫 will you pretty please give them a good home for all of the spring and summer 🙏 #like a of all don't mind if i do and secondly that's so fucking funny what the fuck. you guys know about other branches right #like you're aware i can put these books in any book return in the county? yeah? alright haha take it easy

[kotaerukoto]

Alright! Now that I'm settled in for the night, here's a little starter call. It's been a while and I'm a little out of writing practice so they likely won't be very long, but either way-- just specify a muse of mine (and yours, if you're a multi) and I'll type something up for us.

#starter call. #if you don't specify i'll probably throw Makoto at you bc he's the one i always have the biggest brainrot for #but either way-- yeah! writing time #also note that these might be written tomorrow bc i'm running on pretty low amounts of sleep. hopefully tonight is better

[sneakyfox55]

i'm sorry but i just. THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THE FIRST TO THE MOON THAT, IS SO DEPRESSING. LIKE DON'T GET ME WRONG THE OTHER TWO GAMES ARE PHENOMENAL WITH HOW THEY PORTRAY EMOTION AND, GET YOU TO FEEL THINGS BUT. TO ME THEY'RE MORE BITTERSWEET, IF THAT MAKES SENSE? BUT

TO THE MOON IS JUST, DEPRESSING TO ITS VERY CORE I THINK. HONESTLY THE WAY I CAN DESCRIBE IT IS IN EACH SONG THAT, FITS WITH EACH GAME TOO LIKE, THEY SHOW OFF THEIR INDIVIDUAL TONES REALLY WELL (I.E. "Wish My Life Away" setting the general tone for Finding Paradise and "Great Wide Unknown" setting the general tone for Impostor Factory)

AND THEN WELL. THEN YOU HAVE "Everything's Alright" WHICH, SETS THE TONE AND. JUST. THE TONE IS???? LIKE OKAY THE OTHER TWO GAMES' TONES ARE JUST AS SAD IN THEIR OWN WAYS BUT, I'M NOT SURE HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT THERE'S JUST. SOMETHING ABOUT IT THAT'S SO, DEPRESSING IN A WAY THAT. GIVES YOU THE SENSE THE ENDING WILL BE MORE HEARTBREAKING THAN BITTERSWEET. AND THAT'S KIND OF EXACTLY HOW THE ENDING IS TO ME, IT'S BITTERSWEET BUT. SOMEHOW MORE BITTER, ALMOST (FOR SPOILERY REASONS, AND I DON'T WANNA GET INTO IT FOR THOSE WHO HAVEN'T PLAYED OR SEEN THE GAME YET)

EVEN THOUGH IT'S ADMITTEDLY MY LEAST FAVORITE IN THE SERIES (I SAY THAT WITH LOTS OF SALT, I DO NOT HATE IT BY ANY MEANS I JUST PREFER FP AND IF JUST BASED ON OVERALL, EVERYTHING AND STUFF HGSSHGJSGJHS) IT'S JUST SUCH A CLASSIC AND, IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL AND JSDHGSJGJH I CAN'T BELIEVE THERE'S PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO STILL DON'T KNOW ABOUT IT DJHDSKJHCNMBB

#IDK I'M #RUNNING LOW ON SLEEP I'M SORRY #I THOUGHT OF THIS SOLELY BECAUSE EVERYTHING'S ALRIGHT RANDOMLY CAME ON LMBO IT GOT ME IN MY FEELS I HAD TO MAKE THIS #To The Moon series #To The Moon

[fallenrain40]

my blood sugar has been high all day so far i do not feel good :(

#it was high all night as well... my mom is being stupid and didn't want me to have a higher correction dose cause “some people need sleep” #(she might have to stay up to watch my bg in case i go low... but like. I can stay up instead of her? she just doesn't want me to.) #(it's like a control thing or sm idk i don't understand her) #but anyways my bg is high now cause I listened to her and only did 2 units qwq #and just now i only did 5 for another correction dose #hopefully it works anyways #i had yet again some really random dreams last night due to high blood sugar #in my dream i took it and it was 800 #it wasn't that high irl when i woke up thank god cause that would be an emergency #it was 280 but that still sucks #and it's 266 now :| #and to make things worse my mom's all like “stop being rude to people” no fuck u i feel like shit i'm gonna be rude esp when #she's the reason im high in the first place #it's around the time of the month where yknow the thing happens and my bg always runs higher than normal around this time #but i knew i needed more insulin i just didnt wanna fricking argue with her #maybe ill just lie next time #i'm a bad liar tho #i hate this #diabetic #t1d #t1 diabetic #high blood sugar

[aggressive-almond-cookie]

Move It Move It Station is making me cry.

#splatoon #aiko plays squid games #octo expansion #what makes it worse is that technically I have it completed #only because the person sitting next to me when I was struggling with it last week wanted to try #and proceeded to beat it in two tries #but I still need to beat it myself for my own knowledge that I can do it #it just feels really wrong to me to have someone else's accomplishments on my save lol #so now I just feel even worse that I have dumped 10k credits into this and not once have I even survived to the halfway point #realistically it doesn't help that I'm running on low sleep though #and I'm probably emotionally compromised because I can't stop comparing myself to other people and feeling worse about it #sigh #I was feeling so confident yesterday I'm certain this is just brain chemicals #which makes it worse because every time I have to be reminded that my well-being is controlled by random chemicals #I just feel really helpless and that I will never have any control over my life anyway so what's the point #but I also know I'll be fine once I get more sleep and a decent meal #my brain is just too busy throwing a pity party to let me sleep and it's frustrating