#and actually post when i feel like it

[oswanily]

Sometimes I wonder how many of my followers actually enjoy my gameplay posts... Like out of 700 people (yes, we’ve reached 700, thank youuuuuuu ❣️) there must be more than 10 who see the posts and kinda like them? Otherwise - like if they hated my gameplay - why would they follow me considering I post CC once every blue moon and gameplay 5 times a day... Maybe they’re just people who don’t like interacting with other simblrs (I understand, I myself should like posts more often) but it leaves me wondering... How many people actually care for my silly sims shenanigans? I think about it often.

#NilyTalks #i got a bunch of new followers lately #and lots of them just... follow #they don't like any posts #so i'm like are you here for the cc or the gameplay #or both #though both are mediocre imo #if you're here for the cc know that i should post every saturday #and actually post when i feel like it #which is NOT every saturday #lmao #anyway welcome to my blog to all the new people #i love you all #and to the not so new people do you like the halloween pfp? #i might try to make a better one #dunno #finding picrews that have dark skintones is actually hard

[aesrot]

shout out to people who's family isnt entirely bad or entirely good, but something in between and you dont know how to feel about them. you feel angry but you also feel guilty, because you know they genuinely love and care about you, but sometimes they show it in a way you know its not okay. your feelings are valid, your anger and sadness and grief are valid, and you dont have to prove this to no one. bigger shout out to those with memory issues who know something isnt right but can't recall all of the bad events, only the feelings, which only increases the guilt.

#lua talks #this is actually for myself #its easy to feel like i've been overreacting. specially when i cant remember why im upset with them #is this a vent post? it doesnt feel like one but maybe?

[milk-lover]

Sobbing uncontrollably reading through a dissertation about the college experience of students with ADHD. It is like reading a report about my life that just says over and over "My experiences are real. My hardships are real. I am not lazy, I am not dumb. My struggles were not my fault, and they were not a moral failing. The failure was with the system, not with me."

Here's a line that got me in particular:

"Hotez et al.(2022) compared the health, academic, and non-academic capacities of a nationally representative sample of U.S. first-year college students with ADHD and without ADHD. Students with ADHD self-reported lower academic aspirations and more feelings of depression and overwhelm, ranking themselves lower in their general emotional health. The fact that students with ADHD scored in the highest 10th percentile for many non-academic traits, such as artistic ability, computer skills, creativity, public speaking, social confidence, self-understanding and understanding of others, compassion, and risk-tasking, suggests that this population has strengths that are frequently underappreciated in academia."

(the paper is a thesis called "Understanding the Collegiate Experience for Students With ADHD" by Gia Long, 2022)

#adhd #actually adhd #i often hyperbolize but i am dead serious when i say sobbing uncontrollably. this is why i was putting off this assignment. #1000 years of hell to professors who assign self-reflection papers /hj #i dont feel comfy posting the pdf bc its not mine butttt.. i will share it to people who dm me. #edit: pages 80-85 #edit: thank you to everyone who reached out and asked for the pdf!! i wasn’t expecting this reaction #keep reaching out I’ll keep sending it #if anyone is interested but struggles to read academic papers pls ask me for help bc I’ve gotten a lot of practice with them and am Glad to #expand someone’s access to a paper like this

[un-pearable]

ngl one of the most useful things i’ve internalized from doing art online is never tell people what to criticize. don’t preemptively apologize for things or point out where you think you fumbled, it’s just priming people to notice minor issues that might not actually matter and hit you where you’re sensitive and throw you off your game. don’t tell people your weak points. if it’s a genuine problem they’ll point it out

#especially not if they’re the professor grading your assignment!!!!!!!!!! feel so bad for my friend #i cant tell him it now bc it’ll come across as mean but i feel so bad :( he kept apologizing for things he didn’t need to and it made him #seem unprepared. when he actually had 95% of what he needed and apologizing made it LOOK like he didn’t #text✨ #i’m making it sound very dramatic here but it’s straight up helped me so much with my anxiety #the above doesn’t apply if you’re looking for constructive criticism kr any thing #i’m very specifically talking about stuff like posting art online or giving a presentation or whatever

[inkskinned]

crows use tools and like to slide down snowy hills. today we saw a goose with a hurt foot who was kept safe by his flock - before taking off, they waited for him to catch up. there are colors only butterflies see. reindeer are matriarchical. cows have best friends and 4 stomachs and like jazz music. i watched a video recently of an octopus making himself a door out of a coconut shell.

i am a little soft, okay. but sometimes i can't talk either. the world is like fractal light to me, and passes through my skin in tendrils. i feel certain small things like a catapult; i skirt around the big things and somehow arrive in crisis without ever realizing i'm in pain.

in 5th grade we read The Curious Incident of the Dog In The Night-time, which is about a young autistic boy. it is how they introduced us to empathy about neurotypes, which was well-timed: around 10 years old was when i started having my life fully ruined by symptoms. people started noticing.

i wonder if birds can tell if another bird is odd. like the phrase odd duck. i have to believe that all odd ducks are still very much loved by the other normal ducks. i have to believe that, or i will cry.

i remember my 5th grade teacher holding the curious incident up, dazzled by the language written by someone who is neurotypical. my teacher said: "sometimes i want to cut open their mind to know exactly how autistics are thinking. it's just so different! they must see the world so strangely!" later, at 22, in my education classes, we were taught to say a person with autism or a person on the spectrum or neurodivergent. i actually personally kind of like person-first language - it implies the other person is trying to protect me from myself. i know they had to teach themselves that pattern of speech, is all, and it shows they're at least trying. and i was a person first, even if i wasn't good at it.

plants learn information. they must encode data somehow, but where would they store it? when you cut open a sapling, you cannot find the how they think - if they "think" at all. they learn, but do not think. i want to paint that process - i think it would be mostly purple and blue.

the book was not about me, it was about a young boy. his life was patterned into a different set of categories. he did not cry about the tag on his shirt. i remember reading it and saying to myself: i am wrong, and broken, but it isn't in this way. something else is wrong with me instead. later, in that same person-first education class, my teacher would bring up the curious incident and mention that it is now widely panned as being inaccurate and stereotypical. she frowned and said we might not know how a person with autism thinks, but it is unlikely to be expressed in that way. this book was written with the best intentions by a special-ed teacher, but there's some debate as to if somebody who was on the spectrum would be even able to write something like this.

we might not understand it, but crows and ravens have developed their own language. this is also true of whales, dolphins, and many other species. i do not know how a crow thinks, but we do know they can problem solve. (is "thinking" equal to "problem solving"? or is "thinking" data processing? data management?) i do not know how my dog thinks, either, but we "talk" all the same - i know what he is asking for, even if he only asks once.

i am not a dolphin or reindeer or a dog in the nighttime, but i am an odd duck. in the ugly duckling, she grows up and comes home and is beautiful and finds her soulmate. all that ugliness she experienced lives in downy feathers inside of her, staining everything a muted grey. she is beautiful eventually, though, so she is loved. they do not want to cut her open to see how she thinks.

a while ago i got into an argument with a classmate about that weird sia music video about autism. my classmate said she thought it was good to raise awareness. i told her they should have just hired someone else to do it. she said it's not fair to an autistic person to expect them to be able to handle that kind of a thing.

today i saw a goose, and he was limping. i want to be loved like a flock loves a wounded creature: the phrase taken under a wing. which is to say i have always known i am not normal. desperate, mewling - i want to be loved beyond words.

loved beyond thinking.

#spilled ink #writeblr #personal #please don't ask me to talk on my experience on the spectrum lol. i hate how ppl talk to me about it #i really try not to write so specifically about it #bc inevitably someone talks to me like im a child #i think this is the first time i've ever openly identified with it but i've been hinting for years #i might delete this. feels big. #the thing is that being on the spectrum actually IS a spectrum #and if u say ur autistic #inevitably someone makes an assumption about ur needs/symptoms #please do not treat me differently than u usually would. like.... we can tell when you do #and like i mention. i do appreciate the effort. i do truly appreciate the effort. #but it still feels like... #when i was blind. sometimes people kind of did the same-ish thing. #they'd find out i was blind and start talking really loudly? #and while i KNOW they're just trying to help. it would be like. i'd be trying to find #the right way into a building (sometimes only 1 door is unlocked and i couldn't see the signs posted about where to go) #and ppl would be like ''OH UR BLIND? YES SO THIS IS A DOOR. IT OPENS INTO THE BUILDING. IT IS LOCKED NOW." #''A DOOR CAN BE FOUND IN MANY LOCATIONS.'' #and it feels like. when i admit to being autistic #someone comes screeching into my life being like THIS IS A DOOR.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Laios's three Boy Best Friends. And yes, they hate him.

#dungeon meshi #laios touden #toshiro nakamoto #chilchuck tims #kabru #BF in this context could be boyfriend or best friend. The line is so blurry. #Chilchuck less so but whatever is going on between Shuro and Laios & Kabru and Laios is giving strong: #“dude if you were a girl I'd date the hell out of you”. And from the genderswap extra's that sentiment is canon for BOTH. #This was made prior to the translation of the Laios & Kabru & Shuro restaurant date comic and honestly I am just feeling vindicated. #I don't even know what to call this dynamic other than a situationship. There is so much going on between all of them. #Even on a purely platonic reading - the miscommunication and male yearning for friendship hurt so bad. #When we got the Big Hug scene in the epilogue arc I was whooping and hollering! Pure catharsis moment! #I also don't like hugs very much so I really felt it went Shuro ('hates being touched') went in for the bear hug. #Do not get me started on the agony of 'always lying' Kabru telling the truth (I just wanted to be friends) #and 'always believes' Laios thinking it's another lie and brushing him off. #I am once again supporting dungeon meshi day by posting art. Please watch dungeon meshi. #obligatory edit because I’m tired: YES. Chilchuck cares for Laios and him admitting it was a huge part of his arc #YES he is more just fed up with him that actually hating him. #I needed a third guy to be canonically done with his ass for the THREE WEED SMOKING GIRLFRIENDS reference

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

some misc Barn & Wally doodles from the past week or so <3 i heart them

#i read 'barnaby bites wally out of affection' exactly Once and it imprinted in my brain forever #its so damn cute... what the fuck... who authorized that.... #one thing about me: yes i Will exaggerate size differences. no im Not sorry #listen one thing i love more than the big guy & their lil buddy dynamic #is big guy & their lil buddy 'rough-housing' #where it looks vicious but the big guy is actually being so so gentle and careful <3 #it kills me every time!!! #AND THESE TWO ARE PERFECT FOR BOTH BABEYYYYYY #the bestiessssss themmmmm them them them #i have so many thoughts / feelings about them and many of them Directly Conflict <3 #scribble salad #welcome home #wait when. when did i start drawing barnaby so damn much #every other scribble is Him #uh oh! looks like hes Blorbo!!! #anyhow sometimes i sit on doodles for Days and Days #until it occurs to me that hey. i can post these #i havent been scribbling much bc ive been chipping away at comms when i have the free time to do Art #the only non-comm stuff have been silly warmups riperoni #BUT! AHA! last week's me (early this week???) was in their Barnaby & Wally feels!!! #providing current me with Crumbs to post!

[endermagpieart]

What do you mean I’m a bit late for Janus’ big day? Of course not, how could you say such a thing! I definitely didn’t forget all about it in my absence and only get reminded in the incorrect quotes video live chat; that’s not like me at all ;]

Anyways I decided to dress our sassy snake in some different outfits I think he’d like. He seems like the type to get all dolled up on his birthday and it goes with Thomas posting pics in outfits inspired by the sides on their appreciation days!

@thatsthat24

#sanders sides #janus sanders #ts janus #thomas sanders #sanders sides fanart #my hoard #I’ve returned! #the newest asides came out and I remembered how much I love it #so I’m hyperfixated again and I’ve not now peace since #it is nice to actually finish something again tho #I’ve been pretty busy working lately and now I’m starting to pack to move into my first apartment! #so not much time to really sit down and draw #and when I do have time I can’t get the motivation to actually draw anything #I want to get better about posting stuff on here #(even though it feels like I’m just dreaming into the void a lot) #even just silly little things or rough sketches I’ll never finish #I hope it’ll help me continue to draw and make things again #I forgot how nice it is #anyways if you’ve read this far thanks #have a cookie :] 🍪

[rambles-about-minecraft-ocs]

one of my favorite things about zedaph is that on a server full of people that find strange and oft-overlooked minecraft mechanics or rare events and then see just how far they can push them in the name of spectacle or efficiency or world-breaking, zed is over here finding these mechanics in order to do the weirdest things he can think of in as entertaining a manner as possible

like i 100% have faith in zedaph's theoretical ability to be just as efficient or spectacular or world-breaking. if he wanted to do that stuff, i trust that he absolutely could. but thats so far from being his priority. instead, hes going to spend around a week of irl time focused entirely on eventually having the good luck to spawn in something insanely rare so that he can convert it into something even rarer, the result of which being something that 99% of the server reacts with complete and utter shock that it even exists in the first place, just because its zany and funny and he wanted to. and i love that

#zedaph #hermitcraft #genuinely i adore the clucky few project im not even done watching the episode and i had to pause and make this post #i saw impulses video first and went ''that HAS to be some sort of datapack or something-'' #only to immediately go ''no. no it cant be. because this is zed #and its practically a trademark of his to push the limits of the game as far as possible in the direction least expected #not for the purpose of efficiency or spectacle or intimidation or whatever like some players who push limits #but purely for the purpose of making something so funny you cant help but laugh at whats going on #and maybe being a bit impressed that he ever thought of it in the first place'' #at which point i went ''holy shit. since its zed doing this. somehow he ACTUALLY got a villager on a chicken. with no cheats. thats INSANE' #i was relieved when i checked my subscriptions to see what the next video i had to watch was and saw he would be next in line #bc if i had to sit through 19 other hermits videos before i could watch his and find out what the fuck he was doing i would have been so sa #sidenote but i feel like a zed video where he interacts with this many other people all in the same video is so rare #idk i didnt watch season 9 and i know he started collabing a lot more w/ other hermits then #so maybe its not nearly as rare these days #but like the last one that *i* saw where he interacted with this many people at once was towards the end of season 8 #when all the people he experimented on earlier in the season came back to experiment on him #and like i would like zeds videos with or without the collabs. but its a lot of fun to see him interact with people #so its very cool to me when he does it with a lot of people all in the same video

[dotmander]

i am grabbing you by the shoulders. you must stop thinking of other people as "the cool kids" and "popular bloggers." you must destroy the divide between You and Them. we are all just idiots playing with dolls.

yes, to Get Interaction in the OC Interaction Fandom you have to interact with other people. you have to send them asks and reblog their posts with commentary and dm people and put yourself out there. if you want more interaction you have GOT to be the one to take the first step; you cannot rely on other people to do it for you.

"but my mental illness makes it hard for me to put myself out there!" me too!!! i get it!!! that's why i don't post on this blog and i barely speak in my own server!!! but that's the social part of social media; there is performance in every interaction. yes, it gets tiring. but it's always a good idea to take breaks!! you don't HAVE to post jack shit.

i don't have a good way to end this post i'm just. yelling into the void, like everybody else. i love you. please don't feel like you're lesser because of a note count.

#idk i always just get. a lot of feelings when posts like last reblog go around #especially when it mentions The Cool Kids and. people that are actually popular and get (what i think is) a lot of interaction rb it and > #go Yeah Me Too :(((( #original

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ngl the "im white so i dont talk abt any characters' race ever bc im afraid of accidentally saying something racist" approach to fandom is like. very weak. imo.

like first of all: i get that "i dont incorporate race into my media analysis because i'm afraid of messing up" comes from a different place than "i don't incorporate race into my media analysis because I Don't See Race 😊 there is only The Human Race." but it has the same functional effect, right? that effect being that your analysis of [INSERT MEDIA HERE] ignores the very real way that race impacts people.

second of all: it feels kinda lazy! like ur saying "i dont know enough abt race to feel comfortable commenting on how race affects this show and i dont care enough to learn." the only way to become more comfortable discussing race is to actually practice discussing race. but when i see people saying this it feels like they're saying "i'm white, which means i don't know how to talk about race, and i don't have to know how to talk about race, and i don't ever have to know how to talk about race, so i'm choosing to never learn how to talk about race."

third of all: just because you don't openly talk about race doesn't mean you're any less likely to accidentally say or do something racist. implicit biases run deep, y'all. it's probably already there in your interpretation of the show. but the "i don't want to accidentally say something racist" implies that you are positive that your interpretation of the show isn't racist. and i'm not saying you're wrong. but i'm saying that if a person of color tells you that something you said about [INSERT MEDIA HERE] was racist, you better be prepared to actually listen and not just brush them off because "i can't be racist! i purposefully never talk about race just to make sure i'm not racist!"

which brings me to my final point: if you do accidentally say something racist... literally just apologize. if someone says you've been doing something racist, apologize and stop doing that thing. it's literally not that hard. i've done it. i've seen other people do it. "i'm scared of being called racist!" is such a weak excuse im tired of it. getting called racist is not the end of the fucking world. calm the fuck down and grow a spine. jesus.

#mine #ofmd fandom crit #txt #og #it feels like ppl who say this are the kind of ppl who think being accused of racism is worse than actually being racist yknow? #idk i was scared of being called racist when i was like. 13. #now i’m like “if i get called racist it’s probably bc i’m doing something racist” #with the exception being ofc when an anon tells me i’m racist for shipping blackhands (a thing i dont even do) #anyway i am SURE someone has made a post or even a wholeass Article abt this before that’s better than what i wrote

[fluffyartbl0g]

The one piece reread only makes the hardest moments hit even harder,,,, even when you’re rereading it poorly in portugese

Or AKA, i found out today that HINATA SHOYO reads one piece and I haven’t recovered since

#one piece #haikyuu #hinata shoyo #roronoa zoro #(kinda) #omfg okay time for my entirely SEPERATE POST IN THE TAGS #i only got into one piece at the end of last year... but ive been in the anime and manga scene for like. my entire life #i cannot understate how WILD it is that I havent noticed how everywhere one piece is.... #like once i read it... i started finding it EVERYWHERE #my sister gifted me an issue of shonen jump ages ago cause i liked act age and kimetsu no yaiba chainsaw man promised neverland etc #and it doesnt have like a one piece chapter in it actually (to my disappointment) #but IT DOES HAVE A LIL ADVERTISING SEGMENT AT THE FRONT TALKING ABOUT OKIKU FIGURINES AND OTHER ONE PIECE CRAP #AND IDK IT LITERALLY JUST BLEW MY MIND #ONE PIECE DIDNT EXIST IN MY LIFE BUT.... IT DID???? #I HAD ONE PIECE MERCH BEFORE I EVEN BECAME OBSESSED WITH IT??? (hahah if you can consider a tiny segment mentioning okiku op merch XD) #just imagine suddenly being obsessed with a piece of media. and then you look around ur room and U SUDDENLY RECOGNISE A CHARACTER MERCH??? #ITS BEEN IN UR ROOM FOR YEARS BUT YOUVE NEVER REALLY EVEN NOTICED IT OR JUST BRUSHED IT OFF WHENEVR U SAW IT #BUT ITS THAT CHARACTER!!!! ITS THAT MEDIA THAT UR MADLY IN LOVE WITH???? #also im being 100 percent legit when i say that the sense of comeraderie i feel when someone says theyve ALSO read one piece #is insane #discovering that domics and worthiikids and all these other big youtubers that ive known for years have loved one piece like me? #it makes my heart clench and my eyes water man #ive never felt so connected to the world... one piece really is peak fiction..... #i love one piece's community sm....

[loumands]

My favorite Louis’ strategic lie by omission moment is still when in the first episodes he conveniently shows himself and Lestat going to sleep only when they happen to be fighting so he can imply that they sleep in separate coffins, but then Claudia’s narration later reveals they actually mostly sleep in the same coffin and those scenes were just the vampiric equivalent of Lestat being exiled to the couch

#like when lestat says i don't like sleeping angry he also means i don't like sleeping without you #funniest family ever #mal watches iwtv #iwtv #interview with the vampire #*with the way this fandom has been acting and accusing louis of things #i feel i need to add a disclaimer that this is a joke post and louis isn't actually lying here

[moxielynx]

my prediction for the ending of spiderman 2 is that peter will hold harry so gently like he did in ultimate spiderman and then they'll kiss and tell each other how much they love each other and-

Edit 1: I’m finally gonna be playing Spider-Man 2 this weekend and I would just like to say I get mental damage every time someone reblogs this with something along the lines of “how does it feel to get it so accurate” /hj

Edit 2: I AM A SAD, SAD BROKEN MAN. APOLLO HAS GIFTED ME THE POWER OF PROPHECY. DAMN YOU INSOMNIAC DAMN YOU.

#i refuse to look at any content for this game until i play it and i have no idea when i'll be able to #time to start muting some words on tumblr...... #insomniac spiderman #insomniac spider man #harry osborn #peter parker #spider man #parksborn #peter x harry #lynx posting #edit 1: it feels great to be right actually (I have no idea what the ending of the game looks like) #edit 2: that ending felt so bittersweet after Peter said ‘’ilove you’’ #i wanted to feel happy for Peter and MJ but. what the hell #if Harry isn’t in Spider-Man 3 I *will* go to jail for reasons #anyways time to finally watch jackscepticeye play it #*dies and never returns*

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A digital drawing of Gabriel and V1 from Ultrakill in super-saturated, pixellated colors. It seemingly takes place during phase two of his second fight, judging by Gabe's bright yellow-cyan wings and the consequent blush shining through his helmet. Gabriel is pictured on the left, facing the left side of the screen with his head turned to V1, preparing to strike them with the bloodied spear in his right hand. Small but frequent splatters of blood dot his armor and outstretched wings, fabrics torn through in places. V1 is on the right, aiming its piercer revolver at his face. Their arms are stacked in pairs on either side, idle Feedbacker and Knuckleblaster on the left and Whiplash tucked atop their default arm on the right. Both parties are stylized to resemble insects, Gabe with beetle wings and a halo in the shape of antennae, and V1 with the four wings, four arms, short antennae and bristles expected of a dragonfly. End ID]

woah.... happy 1 year anniversary to gay people

also a couple alts (background removed, just gabe, and just v1, respectively) in hopes it'll be a little easier to understand what's going on and all!

additionally once again: special thanks to @magnumopos and @muzzleroars , neither of which I have actually spoken to in my life but both of which are credited with partially inspiring this! (dedicated section under the readmore due to the fact I do not generally tag people at all ever and wasn't sure if I should, but thought it was worth mentioning!) The former for giving me the wonderful idea of dragonfly V1, the latter for drawing V1 like a strange little creature + for the feedbacker plate, I enjoy both your works :]

(retroactively, on march 27th of 2024, assigning them a full bingo with credit to deep-space-lines. ehehehehe)

#peridots-art #gabriel ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #ultrakill #bots #bugs #drawing them more buggish now... i have a whole chart listing uk characters as bugs and it's so fun #v1 is dragonflyish for many reasons and gabriel (+ council)'s heavily bee-coded but I like drawing him more beetlelike. anyway #eyestrain #blood #gabv1el #< yes gabe's wholeheartedly trying to kill v1 and v1's actively harming him. yes this is ship art. they're having fun #not a thing that I feel I really need to clarify when it comes to ultrakill i just thought it was funny #anyway. yes yes more ultrabright ecstasy-winged gabriel with blood all over him. as to be expected of my ultrakill fanart. however #this obviously isn't my usual style but it WAS pretty fun to draw. i wanted to draw something chaotic and abnormal anyway for this #i kind of wanted it to be a successor to the nov29 gabe post and to mess around with it so. task completed 👍 #there definitely was more i wanted to say here (besides clarifying it's been a year since the act 2 release + that means a lot to me) #but i can't think of anything else so woe! bugs be upon ye #actually aug22 addition: if this inspires your own uk art in any way shape or form. PLEASE tag me in it :]

[sonknuxadow]

THEM

#it msut have just been posted within the last 1-2 hours because ive been checking multiple times a day for the past week or so lmao #it just happened to drop right after i made a post wondering when the new art was coming too. thats funny #once again i found it on the actual sonic channel website and thats where the link goes #idk if theyve posted it on twitter yet and i dont feel like checking Tbh