#and im just sitting there like ...shut the fuck up

[scudevils]

thick thighs save lives — QH43

pairing: quinn hughes x fem!reader

warnings: essentially smut with minimal plot (easing myself back into writing), thigh riding (🤭🤭), swearing, playoff beard representation, pretty much me just loving big thighs icl, sappy sap is back (i would say i’m sorry but im not), not proofread!!

synopsis: name a better match than hockey players and thick thighs [1.8k]

hockey players and thick thighs, a match made in heaven some way would say, their wives would anyway and you could definitely attest to it.

you were obsessed from the moment you'd started dating, wether it was not so innocent glances when he'd be wearing just slightly too short shorts, the ones that rode up when he sat down and especially when he wore trunks at the pool. or when you had no impure thoughts as you sat on his lap, maybe it was watching tv, sharing a seat whilst at the lakehouse or just whenever you wanted to be close to him.

long story short, you liked quinn's thighs, and he was more than aware of it.

you were staring, but of course you were, years after you'd first begun dating and quinn and you were still deep in the honeymoon phase, you were as smitten as a woman on her wedding day if what your mother would say. the weatherman was right for once, mid 20s felt like paradise after the cold winter, and you were all out enjoying the sun whilst it lasted.

the season had ended a few weeks ago, the canucks being knocked out of the second round of the playoffs by just a goal and you were sad for quinn, his second season as captain of the team and you knew he wanted to replicate the success of the first. but unfortunately, things weren't meant to be and he was home earlier than expected, not that you were complaining.

you felt like a damn perv, eyeing up your boyfriend from the deck chair across from him, you knew he needed this time to relax, destress from the season, and what he didn't need was you wanting to fuck him every two seconds. but he was just as bad, he hadn’t been able to take his eyes off of your chest the second you’d gone out in your bikini.

quinn's head was back against the chair, eyes shut underneath his dark lensed glasses as he faced the sky, the sun shining on his already pink-tinged cheeks, you did warn him to wear suncream, his hands were comfortably sat on his stomach, but all you could look at were his short-clad thighs, the bright blue material standing out against his slightly tanned skin in a way that had you going feral.

you wanted him, needed him in every sense of the word. perhaps there was something wrong with you, the way you couldn't help but squeeze your legs shut as you thought about the way you wanted to use his thigh. "can feel you starin'" his voice broke through the silence, your thoughts punctured by reality when he tilted his head so his eyes could meet yours.

"admiring." you corrected him, a playful smile toying on your lights as he let out a laugh, sitting up and you couldn't help the glance towards his thighs, spread out across both sides of the chair and you were almost certain he was doing it on purpose.

his beard had grown out since the regular season had finished, still not having shaved it since they'd been eliminated from the playoffs and you were doing everything to deny the inevitable. you thought he looked hot with it, he always did to you but there was something about quinn with a beard that really did it for you.

"hm, and what're you admiring?" oh he'd definitely caught you staring, a blush blazing on your cheeks at the thought of his knowing how badly you wanted him, and he could tell your brain was about to short circuit when he beckoned you over; sitting you between his legs on the lounger. "well you gonna tell me?"

“you know what." you didn't make eye contact as you spoke, burying your head in his neck in embarrassment as he wrapped his arms around your back.

"do i? think i'm gonna need a reminder."

"quinn..." you dragged out his name, your cheeks still a burning shade of pink and you swore in that moment you'd die of embarrassment. his hand moved from behind your back to rest just under your chin, lifting your head enough to force you to look at him, his pupils more blown out than before.

he hummed in response, his lips on your neck in a second and you were forced to suck in a breath, hands pressed against his chest to regain balance when you found yourself grinding your hips down against his, a groan falling from his mouth muffled by your skin. "wanna ride your thigh, please q."

you felt quinn smile against your collarbone, his lips not leaving you when you felt his hands on your hips readjusting you over one of his thighs. "love it when you tell me what you want." he muttered against you, voice thick as it dripped with lust.

tilting your head to the side you allowed him more access to your neck, feeling the way he left opened mouthed kisses against you that you knew for certain would leave bruises later but in that moment you didn't care. it was a new sensation for you, the thick muscle underneath you and you gave an experimental roll of your hips against it, pleasure shooting through your body from the friction.

the growing pressure between your legs caused a few small moans to escape your mouth, the feeling slowly building. he moved his arm to join the other on your hip, being able to rock them more forcefully now. "is this what a few weeks without me does to you? gets you so desperate you'll ride my thighs?"

his hand forced your jaw up to look at him, your eyes still not meeting his and quinn couldn't help the laugh that fell from his lips. "been wanting to do this for a while yeah? keep seeing you looking at 'em."

the pace of your moving hips never faltered, the look he was giving you somehow adding to the growing pleasure, like he was almost impressed you could get yourself off like this, or more so that you'd been thinking about it to. "fuck, quinn, yes." his head tilted to the side, the hand on your jaw staying firm with one of his fingers tapping against the skin. "been thinking about this for so long."

your confession ignited a fire inside of him, a moan slipping from your lips as he tensed the muscle underneath you, helping you roll your hips against him in a way that nearly had you crying out. warmth pooled in your stomach, feeling the way you clenched around nothing as you continued rocking your body against his, desperate for any sort of release but he wasn't going to help you out.

"cmon baby, know you can get there yourself." he replied when you let out a whine about how it wasn't enough and you needed more, he gave in a little bouncing his leg and catching you off guard, adding to the sensation. the nature of his word made goosebumps raise on your arms despite the warm temperatures, feeling your nippled harden against your bikini top, and it sent a shiver down your spine in anticipation.

"'m so close, q," you moaned against his neck, heading falling into the curve of his shoulder as you bit down on the skin when he flexed under you again, sending a ripple of pleasure through your body.

"you gonna me a mess on my thigh? know you've been thinking 'bout it." you didn't even have to look to know quinn was grinning like the fucking cheshire cat, almost certain he was somehow enjoying this more than you were, his hands holding a tighter grip on your hips as he took over some of the work, pressing you against his thigh as you let out a louder whine of his name.

the coil in your stomach wound tighter, the rush of warmth throughout your body hitting you like a ton of bricks as your body collapsed against his, thighs shaking around his as you cried out, whimpers and whines as he took over, guiding your hips over his thigh as he helped you ride it out. when his grip against your waist didn't stop, the sensitivity causing you to whine into his shoulder.

"thats the hottest fucking thing i've ever seen." quinn could feel your heart still beating rapidly against his chest, spurring him on even more to get you to another orgasm on just his thigh. your thighs were still shaking around him, a little light headed when he spoke again. "one more?"

“quinn-" your voice was breathless when you tried to argue back, throat hoarse from before and you knew arguing was futile.

"know you can." his lips found your temple, reassuringly kissing it. "just like that." he swore he was going mad, hearing you whimpering into his shoulder again, not trusting your arms enough to be able to support you.

quinn's words of praise were a killer, enough to tip you over the edge whenever he wanted you to. you were putty in that mans hands the second he started sweet talking you.

just as before you felt the familiar feeling building in your stomach, much quicker than before, the muscles in your core already tensing. quinn could read your body like a book, not even needing to ask if you were closer before you were coming undone on his thigh again.

your nails dragged down his back, most likely going to leave red scratch marks for the next couple days, and he was thankful he didn’t have the boys to tease him about them this time. his hands stopped their movements of your hips, allowing you the minute or two you needed to come down from your high and catch your breath once again.

quinn pushed the fallen hair out of your face, lifting your lips to meet his in a soft kiss, tender, wanting nothing out of it but to show you that he loved you. “you're so good to me." his praise already igniting that feeling in your stomach again. “gonna need you to do that more often.”

you laughed against his chest, finding the strength to push yourself up to see his face, holding his jaw in your hands as you placed a chaste kiss to his lips, enjoying the scratch of his grown out stubble underneath your fingertips. “whilst we’re talking about kinks, you’re keeping the beard.”

#quinn hughes #quinn hughes imagine #quinn hughes smut #quinn hughes fic #quinn hughes fluff #hockey fluff #hockey smut #hockey one shot #hockey imagine #nhl smut #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl blurb #quinn hughes blurb #quinn hughes one shot #scudevils #quinn hughes x reader

[thestarsarebrightertonight]

fresh out the slammer // mattheo riddle x fem reader

playlist : fresh out the slammer - taylor swift

summary : after a 6 month relationship with the narcissistic cormac mclaggen youre finally free and ready to move on asap.

gryffindor reader , y/n used , swearing

"fuck you mclaggen!" you screamed as you ran out of his dorm , having caught him snogging a random ravenclaw girl.

your anger was going wild as he chased you down the corridor , shouting pleas of forgivness. but you couldnt help feel relieved to finally have an excuse to break up with him , the happiness and fury seemed to merge into one in your mind.

"mclaggen speak one more word and i swear to merlin ill FUCK YOU UP!" you screamed in his face making him abruptly stop before you turned around and stormed out of the portrait hole.

"yeah well youre ugly anyways!" he deperatly shouted after you as you laughed , making sure he would hear ,"and youre a bitch!"

"and your dick is small!" you shouted back at him , flipping him off just in time before the portrait hole slammed shut.

you let out a sigh of relief when it finally shut , the fat lady staring down at you with suprise before giving you a soft hum of approval , getting back to her normal position.

your whole face brightened into a grin as the realisation sunk in , you were single....but you were free from mclaggen!!

practically skipping to the great hall with a bright grin you waved and greeted every person that passed happily , many were confused by your happiness.

but your friends were even more confused when you ran into the great hall , sprinting to the gryffindor table and stopping infront of them.

"IM FREE!" you cheered before jumping up and down on the spot.

they all stared at you like youd gone mad as you quickly realised hogwarts gossip was quick- but not so quick your breakup from 3 minutes ago wouldve reached them yet.

"free from what?" harry finally broke the silence as you grinned at him.

"MCLAGGEN!" you squealed in excitement before sitting down next to ron.

they all seemed confused until hermione face morphed into pure shock , "you broke up with him?!"

both harry and ron quickly let out "ohh"s of realisation as you nodded with happiness , "i caught him snogging a ravenclaw , great right?! i was so angry at the time but when i realised i was free of him , i practically danced here!"

hermione held back a laugh , "y/n im so sorry thats awful!".

"the only awful thing about it is mclaggens breath," ron muttered as you laughed and shoved him arm causing him to gasp , "thats the first time youve ever laughed at a mclaggen joke , you usually smack the back of my head!".

"yeah well now that im not tied to that physco , i can laugh again!" you beamed like the sun as they all couldnt help but smile.

"im happy for you , happy break up," harry supported with a smile.

"thanks harry!" you then turned serious , "maybe i should be single for a while , i need to recover from the trauma that is being that goblins girlfriend."

ron snorted besides you as hermione let out a small giggle before spotting something behind you and smirking , "yeah i dont think being single will last too long."

"youre right , i just want to kiss someone right now ,because i can!" you laughed.

"yeah well i think i know someone very willing to volunteer for that," hermione said as you smirked and looked at her 'who?' she flicked her eyes back behind you , "riddle. the boy has been obsessed since third year everyone knows it."

"seriously?!" you asked in complete shock as heat rushed to your cheeks , the truth is youve liked him for a very long time , but his cold nature made you dismiss it as a unrealistic crush.

"y/n he hexed mclaggen twice when he found out you were dating." harry said blankly as if this infomation was well known.

"that was him?! mclaggen told me his nose was abnomrally large because the twins pulled a prank on him."

"oh yeah that was the twins but the boils all over his face and the uncontrollable itching? riddle." ron nodded.

"i just thought it was a rough week for him wow" you whispered , all the peices falling into place as you finally decided to turn around to look at mattheo.

and there he was , staring right back at you with his head in his hands , seemingly in a daze. until he quickly snapped out of it when you winked at him.

in mattheos opinion you were the prettiest and funniest girl he knew , and you didnt know him. so when you winked at him and giggled at the scarlett blush that formed on his cheeks , he nearly passed out.

"look at little mattys cheeks!" theodore teased having seen the whole thing ,"did the pretty gryffindor finally give you a glance matty?"

mattheo threw him a cold glare before looking at your back that was now turned to him , he had learned to tune out his friends teasing , especially since it had plagued him every day since third year.

but what he didnt expect was for you to get up out of your seat and run over to him with a bright smile , stopping infront of him and sitting down in the empty spot beside him. even his teasing friends had gone dead silent seeing the gryffindor girl infront of them.

"hi! mattheo right?" you grinned at him as he stared back with wide eyes.

"y-yeah yeah thats me," he struttered.

"sorry , i do know your name its just my friends call you riddle so much i had to make sure. i mean how could i forget such a handsome face?" you winked as everyones jaws dropped, mattheos especially.

"i- thank you..you....youre gorgeous!" the last part came out in a flustered shout as the whole hall turned around in surpise and his friends hid the giggled behind their hands.

you blushed. YOU BLUSHED?! mattheos brain was going into overdrive as the pink hue lit up your cheeks , he never knew it was possible for you to get even prettier.

"t-..thank you mattheo. look i know weve never really talked before , but ive always thought youre funny and nice eventhough you keep to yourself, and obviously hot" his face turned fully red as you so casually gave him the most compliments hes ever recieved in his life, "i was wondering if you wanted to go to hogsmeade with me?"

you smiled hopefully as he stared back with pure suprise on his face. you sat like this for a few moments as he recollected his thoughts , unmoving.

"YES PLEASE!" he said loudly making you laugh as people turned yet again.

"youre cute! see you there!" you said adoringly before kissing his cheek and walking back to the gryffindor table.

the whole of his friend group sat in silence before mattheo banged his head on the table letting out a loud groan of frustration, embarrassment rushing through his veins. this cued the loud howls of laughted from his friends.

"yes please!! he said yes please!!" lorenzo wheezed.

"ive never seen something so awkward in my life!" pansy choked through hysterical laughter , clutching dracos arm for support.

"mattheo for someone so cold and untouchable , you acted like a ten year old!" blaise laughed at him.

mattheo lifted his head from the table , face still as crimson as the ribbon in your hair , "remind me to throw myself off the astronomy tower."

draco dramatically gasped , "not before your big date!" he said in a sarcastic teasing.

and from the gryffindor table you also radiated a crushing embarassment , "i asked if he was called mattheo , UGH!".

#harry potter x reader #harry potter #mattheo riddle #mattheo riddle x reader #mattheo riddle imagine #slytherin boys x reader #slytherin boys #mattheo riddle x y/n #gryffindor #hp fanfic #hp fandom #slytherin #theodore nott #draco malfoy #lorenzo berkshire #pansy parkinson #blaise zabini #hermione granger #ron weasley #cormac mclaggen #x reader #taylor swift #fresh out the slammer #hp #riddle #fluff

[iron-niffler]

fuck group projects. just fuck em.

#this whole stupid project has been a clusterfuck and i hate it #first they don't respond to or do ANYTHING over spring break (we had a 20 page paper due Wednesday after we got back) #then as we're rushing to get everything done they suddenly need to leave to study for exams so I need to pick up the slack #then we split into smaller teams to build stuff and hooooo boy #and my partner is busy with the play all week so now im spending hours and hours every day picking up his slacj #and im staying up till 5am constantly both for this class and to do all my hw for other classes #then shit hits the fan so im up till 4am desperately trying to fix everything and get it to work my laptop has broken in the process #and he's like “let's meet before class at 8 to troubleshoot” #and im like fine #so i show up and he whose done MAYBE two things for this project starts going on about how committed he is cause he's here at 8am #and im just sitting there like ...shut the fuck up #you showed up ONCE you ain't committed to shit #and now we're trying to get the whole thing together and tested and no one else in my team has fucking bothered to show up #and we need to start a test that takes 48 hours like NOW #so... great #fuck these people #fuck everything #bout to write a timeline of all the things that went wrong and made me cry to shove in my sketchbook #titling it “I want to throw this project off a building: a timeline”

[red-dyed-sarumane]

i need people to start paying me for every time they tell me "oh but ur arts so good ur wasting ur talent u need to do it professionally" wrong i need to do art to draw beautiful characters that not a single other person cares about while feeding every ounce of love i have into my work or to convey thoughts & feelings beyond words and to even think of doing otherwise is to deny my own nature "oh but u can do what u want and then sell it" why is everything about money to you why cant u just enjoy things at what point in ur life did u forget how to have fun

#i hate that this stance is also seen as childish #like i have a full time job & often have mandatory overtime i have income already #if u need to to make ends meet then thats different do what u can to help urself live as comfortably as possible #but holy fuck pleasure as an adult is not limited to sex & money & watching tv #besides u know not a single one of the people who say this are willing to actually pay what the arts worth #its like 'well not me but other people would love it!' yeah okay u know a lot of other people are going to see the #over $100 price tag and go 'i like it but not that much! other people however' like just shut up. honestly. be quiet. #if i speed ran my art and low balled myself to a $15/hour rate the lowest would still be like $120 #which is not worth it AT ALL bc i just paid MORE to sit on my ass & look at eggs #and. again. is underselling myself for both experience & time. but people think $80 full body comms are too expensive #do u think im so stupid to not expect to get scammed when even 'easy' things are over $100 #but no ur right why would i have fun with something when i could instead cause myself infinite stress over it perfect thanks #do not give me advice about doing comms i do not want to do comms #if u see me doing comms im in a very dire situation. like thats a last resort for me.

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened. #you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help? #doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do” #“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem” #(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.) #he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again. #something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence? #she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”. #wips tag

[bunnihearted]

i wish i didnt have avpd bc if i didnt i'd knock on my neighbor's door and ask him everything im wondering. such as 1) are u ever at class????? or are u at home constantly????. 2) why are u always in your kitchen when u have a 3room apartment to yourself?. 3) how is it even possible that u have things to do in your kitchen and make consistent noise from 8am to 12pm?????. 4) why do u walk like and elephant instead of like a normal person? plus why do u slam stuff instead of closing it normally?. 5) do u ever study or do u just walk around and slam stuff in the kitchen all day?. 6) genuinely WHAT tf are u doing in there???? why are u in your kitchen all day every day wtf is wrong with u?????

#i hate him so fucking much #like i just do not understand WHAT he's doing #like im just chilling in my room and all of a sudden BANG he slams a cabinet #then 10 mins later i hear a BAM and he's thrown smth in his sink #he is ONE person in there where do he even get all the stuff to throw around?? #and he is a fulltime student so why is he never at class?? why does he never sit down and study?? idgi #i hate hiiiiiim no one has ever made this much noise #if he just had furniture in his kitchen it would bring the noise down a little but no he doesnt want that #im going insane this is so insufferable to deal w #i just want some fkn peace and quiet #not even im my own room is it ever quiet im going crazy #it's so fucked up to not be allowed to exist in silence bc #BANG BANG BANG your neighbors do things 24/7 #fuckkkkkking hell i want them to die so bad just die and shut up! or act normal like everyone else?????

[orcelito]

Opening the local bubble tea store absolutely livid and shaking in rage and upset bc my bitch ass boss is too concerned about us sitting on the job to order the tea bags I requested Two Fucking Weeks Ago (it only takes like 4 or 5 days to ship) and so we're out and I had to hand wash the 1 reusable bag to make black tea and I have to strain the free floating tea leaves from the cold brew and I just KNOWWWW he's going to have something more to bitch about because he always does

Last straw on the camel's back, etc etc, I want to put in my two weeks notice by the end of this week. That's a goal for myself.

#speculation nation #i currently dont have a job lined up but im going to start applying Today #because i cant take this anymore. i cant fucking take this anymore. #i feel like im about to shatter from the strain of hos chokehold #8 years total under his thumb and for What? he doesnt appreciate me. he doesnt value me. #he's an asshole this place sucks and it makes me so sad because i really do care about the people here #but i cant. i cant fucking do it anymore. #im really glad im alone on shift rn bc ha ha ha. ill put up the mask for customers but i am #genuinely shaking rn. im so upset. #this being after he complained Again about people sitting on the job during the meeting last night like #shut UPPPP I DONT CAAAARE #YOU TRY WORKING WITH CHRONIC PAIN AND FATIGUE AND A JOB THAT DOESNT GIVE GENUINE BREAKS #'oh if you need to take a break then do it but just dont sit down on the job“ #WHEN DO YOU THINK I COULD TAKE MY BREAK? IM WORKING ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!+ #and when im.not working alone im working with trainees so i still cant leave the store unattended #im sick of him.im so sick of him and im THIIIIIIIIIS close to just breaking down here and now #i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i HATE HIM #negative/ #sorry for the vent i just feel like.im about to blow up and everyone's busy so ic cant. vent properly #im not even done opening bc im too busy freaking out and pacing and being angry #and hes gonna watch me sitting here thru the cameras and be like Ho Hum Look at you immediately doing what i said not to #like fucking STOP!!!! WATCHING US!!!!!!! YOU FUCKING CREEP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #IM SO SICK OF HIM WATCHING US THROUGH THE CAMERAS. HE HAS NO TRUST IN ME DOING MY JOB #0 value for me as a person or employee 0 value for my to this day dedication to this company #i want to send my heel through those front windows. watch them shatter. wreck the whole place #because fuck this place and fuck him #i wontttt bc i dont wanna go to jail lol but the temptation is there. i fucking hate his guts. #im going to put in my 2 weeks by the end of this week. im going to start applying to places Today. just fucking watch me.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

The way that the sun hits leaves and clouds. I feel like I could watch the colors change forever. If I could slow down for that long.

#i keep forgetting a have a deck now. i can go outside and sit there #im doing that now. sitting in the corner of a deck full of empty chairs. staring up at a big pine tree where the sun is striking it gold #at the top. i like how thr light hits the needles. if the sky was black it would look like its on fire #theres a tree outside my bedroom window too. in the morning. after the sunrises it catches thr light and refelcts the most perfect shade #of green. the kind of green that flutters translucent like youre looking up from the bottom of a pool. the light the light its all about #the sun. everything everything is about the sun. when i start my project I'll be focused on understanding how organisms catch the light bc #its so incredible and complicated it would make my chest swell to bursting if there wasnt an empty bleeding wound in my gut. a #metaphorical wound of course. i dunno. its just difficult bc right now my mood is inflated by hormones. not even that much i think I'm #just at what shoulf be a normal level of happiness so i can be slow for a minute. but just a minute bc i kno it won't last long #sorry i cant shut the fuck up when im like this but i dunno i just feel like i havr to document these ephemeral moments before they're gone #its just difficult when you kno the world is so full of beautiful things but 95% of the time your eyes are too clouded to see it #everyone tells me i work too much but i feel like im just staring off into space being miserable 60% of the time. ive just done so much #damage over the past few years im coming into a new lab as damaged goods. ive got an albatross around my neck in thr form of data i #collected so self destructively that the idea of having anything to do with its publication makes me hate myself. everytime someone tells #me good job on collecting so so so much data it feels like they're congratulating me for breaking something within myself. like i slit my #wrists and bled out on a lab bench and theyre saying good job and theyre excited for me and i have to grin and bear it and pretend im #excited too. but im not bc ive burned everything inside me to ash. so when im elevated enough to be distracted by the clouds and trees it #feels like healing. like seeing angels. beautiful ephemeral beams of light. i wish i could slow down enough to watch them. but now thr sun #is hitting the horizon and the sky is going gradually dark and i should go inside. bc i have many things to do in the morning. so that's #what ill do. and ill try to get more thsn 6hrs of sleep but its hard when your body is vibrating over with energy #but at least i dont feel tired in the morning. something in my head must be on fire #unrelated #hm i should maybe add a tw to this #tw self injury #but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life #but im trying to get better. i say as i gear up for an insane semester lol but i do mean it

[soggypotatoes]

not self harming sucks man. bc now I just feel sad and in pain all night and there's fuck all to do about it! I cuddle my cat and put rain ambiance on the tv and feed myself spaghetti. and the pain just stays there

how do y'all do it

#like i mean it's not *worse*? #and self harm makes it worse *in the long run* #but short term it just sort of nips that shit in the bud #do people really just. sit around in pain for hours. when they dont use harmful coping mechanisms lol #'oh well youre supposed to call someone or something' shut it. #ed mumbles #self harm ///// #fr someone tell me im not insane for not experiencing any kind of improvement after doing the right things #im just telling myself over and over. im not self harming so it doesnt get worse in the long run. #don't pick up that habit kids. it's really fucking hard to accept that this is the alternative

[innielove]

every weekend im like. this is it im getting my life together, on monday i will start dealing with my responsibilities and i will do all the things that are not just the bare minimum. and then i don't do any of that. i absolutely fail to do anything the following week.

#i have barely been doing ANYTHING since my graduation exam and that was 2 months ago #i feel like im absolutely incapable of doing anything that's not just the bare minimum to. do shit like staying alive #i have to find a job. im barely progressing with my online driving lessons. #and i feel so fucking guilty!!! but i cannot get myself to do *anything* #im either sitting here busying myself with my silly ass hobbies or i stare off into the distance or sleep #im at the point once again where im even starting to distance myself from my friends👍🏻 #like what should i even say. how are you? oh yea im fine my life is falling apart and im incapable of making any kind of progress wbu?:) #living that girlfailure life 👍🏻 #anyway. onto making stuff for my sideblogs and watching some dnd :)))) #shut up vivien no one cares

[todayisafridaynight]

IW fr just felt like yokoyama's cope for killing Aoki off and then regretting it

im not saying yoko shouldve ryuji'd aoki but im just saying maybe the aoki-lives truthers were onto something if not copium but serving a warning for what was to come

#iw spoilers #spoilers #not really but shut up #snap chats #actually no shut up ill make those tags valid #LIIIIKKKEEEEEE EIJI WAS DONE WELL AS A MASATO-ADJACENT CHARACTER #why make ebina .......... i hate him so much ........... yoko it is not 2009 anymore who is this deviantART-oc-backstory ass mfer #why not even have ichi interact with him more or have him fight ebina ... #if yu really had to fuck it have kiryu and ichi fight ebina together idc just #with ichi's core being about family its so fucking bizarre ichi never gets to properly interact With His Family #IM NOT GETTING INTO THIS RANT FUCK OFF #there's just ... so much that could've been done differently that wouldve worked so much more interestingly .... im angry now ... #im gonna drink this tea ... #cyborg aoki wouldve been so funny but also so unnecessary #he just got shanked like. fuck if i know where brb #no i need to stop because im literally going to sit here and do an autopsy report if i dont force myself to put it to rest #anyways i dont think aoki should be brought back and with this game ending i at least hope they put him to rest now #i was happy with what the ending with eiji provided like FINE that was sweet #im still pissed that kume was just. brushed aside like that like can i at least watch his arrest ........ if i cant kill him myself ......

[winterrose42]

Finding out youre agorophobic is wack bc its like, if you dont know then for me at least you just go out anyway and dissociate the whole time feel like absolute garbage and take days to recover from a small trip to groceries and finding every excuse possible to drop plans with people until they eventually stopped asking and stopped talking altogether. And now its like, oh. Is this why going outside feels like dying. Huh. And i wanna go out and do things but the thought makes me vomit for a week leading up to it and i was told oh its just being dramatic so yeah cool whatever.

Now im like, okay i actually have to get to used to going out and being around people adn put things in place for the paranoia and anxiety and plan things in advance and i gotta tell myself about it and walk myself through it everyday leading up. And im an adult so fuck everyone i will in fact be taking my headphones and a fidget and wearing my rat jacket as a security blanket in 90 degree weather thank you. I am in fact, allowed to accommodate myself and set boundaries fuck you actually.

#winter speaks #figuring out i was gaslit my whole life on more than just yhe two things i was aware if is fucking insane #i have a lot of the same problems my mom has that she fuckin caused or ignored and all my life #i couldnt have this and this and this bc youre just copying me and usinh my excuses #bitch you gave me this shit and then described what you deal eithnusing vocab i hadnt learned yet #and i connected yhe dots and eent oh and instead of you being self awate enough to also go oh you just berated me until i shut up #its really weird living in the same house as someome that gave youost of your issues. and the relationships better and you cant leave yet #but working through things and tryung yo accomodate and take care of yourself and be justifiably angry #while hiding it from the person youre living with bc all you wantbyo do is scream at them and ask them why and istead #youre asking if they want coffee bc youre making some and letting them know therell be packages next week n sorry about that #is a fucking whiplash experience and im just sitting here like °-° i wanna smash things and scream #anyway. get therapy if you can its fun

[the-yearning-astronaut]

.

#tbd #☉ #lemme start by prefacing this with I KNOW there's no real normal way to be human #ok i get that #but fucking HELL I wish i was normal #i wish my health was normal for my age #i wish i wasn't fucking. neurodivergent #im fine with being queer but ffs why am i in between normal queer and accepted Aroace-ness #why am i abnormal in that regard too #i wish I didn't alienate people i wish i didn't have to explain why im extra quiet and moody and minutes from a meltdown #i wish my hands and feet wouldn't swell up and hurt and burn and I wish i could take a fucking shower without feeling dread #because i had the water temp set to hot and now im dizzy and my heart is racing and im overheating -- alternatively I wish #i didn't feel so self conscious because i DONT shower every day or even every other day like i dont like when my hair goes limp either! #and i use deodorant everyday and wipe off when i can but i have fuckin Let's Sweat Buckets For No Reason Disorder so i always look and feel #like a drowned rat. im tired of being tired but not being able to sleep. im tired of not being able to explain that yes its really not you #its me. me wanting to be alone has nothing to do with you ok its my brain deciding to fuckin shut down because everything is too much rn #& idk how to tell you that im at my wits end but if you treat me with kidd gloves i WILL go off like a fuckin bomb. just treat me NORMAL ffs #just treat me normal 😭 i just want to be normal. i want to be able to sit down and just do my application stuff instead of #staring at a blank document for weeks and then wanting to throw things as the deadline approaches ( #its due friday and i have absolutely nothing written lmao) and idk if its executive dysfunction or anxiety or my tendancey to self sabotage #but either way im so fuckin fucked. im NOT in the headspace rn for writing a graduate school application letter. #trying hard not to cry rn bcs my friend and her parents are sleeping already bcs they have a 9-5 sleeping schedule to fit their 9-5 jobs #like i dont even have a normal sleeping schedule lmao mine's 2-10. i just don't understand why im so broken or whatever. not normal. #& i feel bad for bitching about it all bcs objectively i have a pretty decent life. i have a home i have food i have a family that loves me #im just back to feeling like im too much and also not enough and im so fuckin lonely. im tired of feeling lonely. and i think #ive got a platonic crush or two. or something. and idk how to handle that anymore. if i ever did. #idk idk i feel like im back to looking at the world and passersby through frosted glass again.

[charliethemanticore]

Hi btw being trans does not automatically grant you supernatural understanding of all esoteric trans knowledge. You actually need to put effort into learning or put effort into keeping quiet about things that don't pertain to your specific experience

#my cishet brother has a better grasp of transgender theory than my transgender bisexual sister because he like... did some basic research #meanwhile my sister confidently told me 'oh youre nit trans youre neutral' the ither week and i almost slapped her #miss maam i am nonbinary and i have been out as some kind of trans for ten years i will politely ask you to shut up ONCE #also in no universe am i 'neutral' but even if i WAS by definition i would not be identifying wholly with my assigned sex #WHICH WOULD MAKE ME TRANSGENDER ANYWAY #apparently shes been portraying herself as the only trans in the family despite the fact that ive BEEN OUT FOR A DECADE #like ms maam when i came out you were TEN YEARS OLD. i taught you what transgender meant! i know for certain i taught you better #i DEFINITELY taught you better than to TELL PEOPLE WHAT THEY ARE #like okay i guess if youre not into research and history and you just wanna exist without having yo be an expert that is fine #but DO NOT present yourself as an expert. you are an expert in YOUR BODY and YOUR EXPERIENCES #like. shes got severe 'no one has ever done it like me. i am the weirdest girl at the party' syndrome #while also having the personality of an edgy piece of toast #i love her but i have. been very angry at her and i cant even say anything about it #like. baby girl you are a very generic case of autism and transgender and bisexuality. youre not the most random unique case #'how could you understand?!' meanwhile im sitting there wildly neuridivergent and transgender and i got eldest daughter/third parent trauma #like hmm yeah i wonder what id know about it. i wonder how i could possibly understand. i wonder how i could possibly offer relevant advice #i give up #shes a fucking edge lord and our mum feeds into it rather than being like 'some of your experiences are actually universal' #anyway rant over #my brother is an angel and i eould die for him. worlds best ally #he has never once misgendered me or made me feel weird about it. unlike some other siblings who demands i punch her if she gets it wrong #like... no? stop being weird about it youre making me more uncomfortable than using the wrong pronoun did #mums like that too 'oh i messed up hit me!' like no #how old are you? #grow up im not gonna hit you back why would hurting you make me feel better? does hurting people make you feel better? #cause that sounds like something you should see a licensed professional about. i dont care if its a therapist or a bartender #just do it away from me #rant #personal #delete later

[bytesie]

being able to share ur thoughts thru ur brain worms in bg3 is so funny to me. bc even tho canonically i pick the astarion hug option, the other one of being able to share how u feel directly is so funny like.... dude... if that were me itd be the most incomprehensible garbage filled with random bits of incomprehensible garbage thats abt being in love. embarrasing

#txt #like u ever sit back and realise ur brain is just going and ur like why the fuck did i just think that strin gof words. #thats how im imagining anytime they connect to nevines thoughts #u think ur getting anything useful out o fthere bub? no shes literally thinking about onions in the soup from the night before and #how gale wears purple a lot and shadowhearts bangs r short and also astarion is beautiful. am i getting my point across #im saying sharing thoughts is somehow the worst way to communicate with someone #like the voice in m y head never shuts up . ever its alway saying a word this has to be true for most ppl

[soldier-poet-king]

Why is everyone in my family allergic to shutting the fuck up. Why does no one know how to just sit and do things quietly. Why is everyone SO LOUD AND ANNOYING ALL THE TIME. Just pick a task and sit and do it QUIETLY AND UNOBTRUSIVELY FOR FIVE MINUTES

#franposting #YES IM HAVING SENSORY OVERLOAD AND IM ABOUT TO FREAK OUT #but i can't sit in my dark basement bedroom any longer im going to kms i need to be able to exist with natural light and in other rooms #literally change of scenery for the depressed #BUT EVERYONE IS SO ANNYOING. MY GOD. #JUST. SHUT UP. SHUT THE FUCK UP. SIT AND DO A QUIET ACTIVITY SO HELP ME GOD #i am going to claw off my skin and scream and i cant fix it #i cant even go OUT and walk bc thunderstorms imminent #i cant breathe i cant breathe i cant breathe and im going to. scream. #I hate that im like this. like ohhh theres too much noise you silly dumb bitch??? your brain freaks out??? grow tf up #I HATE MYSELF FOR THIS #overload so bad not even headphones will fix it. genuinely need silence