#and man oh man am i depressed (again)

[awakefor48hours]

#i think it's pretty obvious but i just saw the finale #and man oh man am i depressed (again) #this is also probably the most fitting time to use this meme #invincible #invincible season 2 #invincible show #invincible spoilers #< kinda #mark grayson

[running-in-the-dark]

sooooo

I'm 32 now

when can I expect to finally grow out of getting obsessed with men people stuff? I'm waiting....

#I doooo not want it #it's embarrassing #can it stop please #BUT also can I not feel depressed and like an empty shell when it's not happening #I mean I can handle it when it's things. hobbies. shows. whatever #sure it usually ends up being expensive as fuck but #at least I don't go around humiliating myself by talking about nothing but a random guy for months on end #how embarrassing! I think a man is hot! I must jump off a cliff immediately #but whyyyy can't I be normal about it at least #other people get obsessed with normal things! like. idk. anything else #soo anyway the opening narration for the texas chainsaw massacre is great isn't it? he did such a good job :) what a nice voice :) I am not #going to be weird about this man any longer :) no I won't! I'm normal about him! I don't want to bite him or chew on his face or anything #like that. just normal things. uh. sex? that's what people usually want. yeah fine that. I mean I do. want. oh I think I'm doing it again #haha no it's fine I just think he's neat (he's the only person on earth no one else exists anymore he's so beautiful oh my god have you seen #his little face he looks like a cute little potato I've never seen anything prettier in my life haha I need to run my hands through his hair #and have you seen how tall he is and he's so cute and I need to. be taken outside and shot. god. #I keep. shrieking. every time I see him. at such a high frequency that it hurts my own fucking ears. because. I can't believe that he exists #I'm. so. stupid!!!! #annnd repeat this every time this happens blah blah blah i should jsut delete this blog right now oh my GOD.

[hecksupremechips]

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

#its like okay listen i understand the basic math of any persona game they say things and everything they say is actually #very bad when you think about it for more than 3 seconds #like what theyre intending to do with the death of this character is be like oh no your sad friend dies tragically thats so saddddd #but that doesnt mean you cant live a wonderful life full of meaning you cant let grief consume you life is beautiful awagga #and i guess shinji is a specific character whos used cuz i guess its more tragic that he never realized he was worthy of life and shit #and i guess its also like ‘dont be like this guy who let grief consume him and then died you gotta Be Different’ #which i dont. love. that last part cuz if you think about shinji and what led him down this road #its like. of course hes depressed! he accidentally killed a woman with a child when he was 16! #he himself is an orphan and he just made some other kid an orphan as well and it happened cuz his persona went out of control #which very much can translate to ‘this must mean im dangerous and can hurt everyone if im not kept under control’ #so of course he isolated himself and believed he was evil and became suicidal like who wouldnt feel that way #like am i supposed to be mad he left sees and took drugs cuz uh while i dont think isolation or Evil Drug is good for his mental health #i dont think him continuing to fight in sees is something he can just easily do again given how he killed someone like he shouldnt have to #be a part of this thing anymore like how would he even safely get castor to not do that??? he cant kill more people on accident! #so yeah like using shinji as an example of bad coping mechanisms is already just. a big fucking oof to me like it just feels like the game #is saying he shouldve gotten over it and simply not be suicidal and stayed on the team. idk if thats the intent but uh it wouldnt faze me #cuz persona games are notoriously awful at writing characters who are traumatized and abused #but what makes everything even worse is how the game kinda like. acts like shinjis death is a stepping stone #like we’re supposed to use it as a wake up call and understand the stakes but keep going on anyways #and akihiko and Ken get. ‘great character development’ according to the game telling you they have now developed #but damn all akihiko is is just repressed he cries for 3 seconds and then is like I SHOULD MAN UP and then neglects a depressed child #shinjis dying words are words to live by now even though they piss me the fuck off like girl am i crazy HES FUCKING #HES TELLING ME NOT TO CRY OVER HIM BECAUSE HE SHOULD BE DEAD ACTUALLY AND THIS IS A GOOD THING ACTUALLY #like if the game wants us to still find meaning in life despite losing someone it just really hurts that shinji has to die for that to work #apparently. cuz the character i see myself in is shinji. not some perfect prettyboy who does everything perfectly and has 4 gfs #his death seems like a punishment for bad behavior. the bad behavior being of course depression and drug use. and im simply supposed to be #better than that if i want to live. and we dont get to form a connection with him cuz thats gayyyyy #and his death is like a NOBLE HEROIC SACRIFICE idk its just such bullshit to me i hate it so bad #how is killing a suicidal guy and then treating it as admirable that he said ‘this is how it should be’ supposed to make me feel #makes me feel sick personally and it ruins the entire game’s theme to me because its fucking shallow and the story is bad and im tired

[mysticalskunk]

The worst part about writing this Rockoon and Doubling analyze is that I have no idea where to start because I have a LOT of thoughts since their relationship is so complex and they are both incredibly complex people and I have activated my outside the box thinking with them so hard this time that I’m just wow! No wonder I didn’t roleplay either of them well in the past!!

Not judging from my own perspective anymore and being a lot less biased is so FUN

#im so excited when I actually get to write it #but that’s gonna take a while since again I have like ten different ways of analyzing something now #so I usually go through that first #and then write the big posts #talking about doubling and Rockoon excites me now more than ever #because there are so many thoughts that are not one dimensional anymore #so like the analysis is coming at some point #the proper analyze and not my live-blogging on the dash but I gotta rewatch tome entirely #i love doubling and Rockoon so much #rewatching and analyzing them has helped me during the depressive episode I allowed myself to get pulled into #same with Hawkbit from wsd tv series #but my thoughts are over the place and time and energy and irl things #oh man i am so excited to talk about my new take with them #but I try not to reveal too much because I don’t want spoilers

[soldier-poet-king]

not to be like my parents are incapable of being happy because theyre pathologically committed to being miserable people and it’s bringing everyone else down and i desperately need to leave but rent is so expensive and i am on a sweet contract for work rn so i cant leave the city for a more affordable city until i find employment but like. ‘everything a goddamn ordeal in area family’ is 10000% correct and im EXHAUSTED

im TRYING NOT TO BE MISERABLE AND DEPRESSED AND CRANKY DURING THE BLUEST TIME OF THE YEAR. I am working on MYSELF and being cheerful instead of cranky even though i want to scream and i am changing my diet bc im having Tummy Problems and im Going to the Gym for the brain endorphins and like. holy shit i went grocery shopping with my mother and i will NEVER do that again it’s exhausting. she’s SO nitpicky and penny-pinching and i GET that that’s how she was raised and we were poor when i was small but 1) we’re no longer THAT poor 2) IM BUYING MY OWN GOCERIES and the mental hoops to save 50 cents is NOT WORTH IT + im going flexetarian so the amnt of money im saving on meat means i can get nice produce 

3) I WANTED TO GO ALONE but ‘this way we save on gas’ like WOW A WHOLE FIFTY CENTS I WILL JUST PAY FOR IT MYSELF HOLY SHIT. she treats everything (cooking, grocery shopping, LIFE ITSELF) like it’s a chore she just has to get through and like sure, she’s a SAHM cooking for a whole house and i have sympathy for that, but like. MAYBE she wouldnt be so miserable and crabby if she took the opportunity to view these things as smalls joys, or at least opportunities for joy. i LOVE cooking and grocery shopping, yes sometimes im tired. but it’s about an attitude of opportunity and wonder at the smallest things. a whole store full of so many kinds of foods? endless opportunity! all these people going about their lives? the smallest children? yes even that cranky woman yelling into her cellphone? wow look at the miracle of human existence. cooking? im sharing love. like yes it IS trite but it is such a wonderful way to live, and before anyone says ‘oh the joy wears off’ it doesn’t!  not if you work to cultivate it! i spent years on my own and i never got tired of grocery shopping it was a weekly joy! 

and then ofc we got home and my father is being pissy and grumpy and it’s just like. LEAVE ME GODDAMN ALONE. let me cook and exist in peace.

like no wonder these ppl are so unhappy if they take every single neutral (or even positive) experience and find a way to deliberately put a negative spin on it, play the ‘woe is me’ long suffering card, blame it on their spouse, etc etc etc. on purpose on purpose, they are determined to be miserable on purpose and it creates this godawful aura of unhappiness in the whole house

and it’s not even like they can play the mental illness get off free card. im more mentally ill that either of them by a SIGNIFICANT AMOUNT. however i acknowledge it. i seek help. i take meds. i do what i can to help myself get to a baseline functional, and from there i work to cultivate peace in a positive feedback loop bc like cbt and ert do work, at least somewhat, if you actually put the effort in. they refuse to acknowledge that their moods and behaviour is abnormal, they refuse to admit anything is wrong no matter how much i plead, how much EXPLICIT ADVICE i try to give, if they wont even see the problem they for sure arent making attempts to fix it.

i am a fuckin adult and my parents mental health is not my responsibility esp after they keep refusing all my offered aid but like. it is very hard to cultivate joy living with people who are SO DETERMINED to remain miserable after literally a DECADE+ of me trying to fix things

i have to come up with interesting excuses to go grocery shopping and cook at odd hours when i can be LEFT ALONE to do the things that bring me joy

#franposting #family bullshit #i am SO ANNOYED #im once again a teen where leaving my room means i enter the Miasma of Misery #take 10d10 psychic damage if i leave the safe zone of my bedroom #bc everyone is SO MISERABLE HERE #how am i the chronic depressed ex suicide the most cheerful functional emotionally mature person here #IM THE ONLY ONE MAKING ANY EFFORT AT ALL #I JUST WANNA MAKE MY LENTIL STEW AND DANCE AROUND IN THE KITCHEN AND CULTIVATE PEACE #i have so much more to say but im a broken record and becoming unintelligible #im just. WOW. FUCK THIS. FUCK THIS SO BAD #im. so tired of fighting it #but i cant be passive they're emotional vampires #and i am trying SO HARD to manage a little crumb of peace. a refuge for my tired heart in these blue wintry months #but like. oh man i am going to start looking at jobs SUPER FAR AWAY after this contract is uo #do i WANT to go to like. idk. fuckin saskatchewan for work? absolutely not #but I WILL IF IT FREES ME FROM TORONTO #i mean there's def the most jobs in my field in the toronto area #BUT I CANNOT AFFORD TO LIVE HERE ON ENTRY LEVEL PAY #like HOT DAMN rent prices in this city #someone in like. the maritimes. hire me. god that's the dream. or montreal. or mid sized city ontario. #i wanna go out west but BC is way too expensive #and i think i might die on the prairies they make me feel so agoraphobic i need hills and forests #and the territories are TOO COLD and DARK

[samioli]

.

#this is probably just because it’s 3 am and I’m on my period #but man #people say I’m a big writer and yet i haven’t been accepted into a single zine #I know just because you’re one doesn’t mean you’re the other #but idk man! people are always like oh I’m jealous of you #which #not only do I not know how to react to that #but like!!! literally man sometimes I honestly don’t see it?? again this is probably the depression talking #but idk man. rejection after rejection keeps hurting

[the-kipsabian]

welp i slept like shit and woke up to one of those "sorry we didnt choose you" job emails so we are doing so fucking bad already :)

#and ofc this was the one job i was like 'oh im actually qualified' and lmao here we are #like what the fuck am i supposed to do to this situation #fuck man im so tired. would legit just go right back to sleep and let depression take over if i didnt have a cat to care for ugh #so yeah you get bad mood salty night again youre welcome my life is in fucking shambles and it sucks!! #night is an absolute mess on main

[andypartridges]

i went to both glass animals concerts in sydney this weekend and i am INCONSOLABLE !!!!!! i got barricade on the second night & i think i ascended (i also managed to snag the setlist from one of the security guards)

but the best part was i got my fucking y/n moment during pork soda when ed smiled at me and we kept making eye contact throughout the whole song and then at the end he threw me his guitar pick 🥺🥺 i will not shut up about this for the foreseeable future apologies in advance

#AND he waved goodbye to me at the end of the set PLS i want to pass away #the post concert depression is so strong oh my. fucking god i would kill a man to see them again #i cant believe i’m in love with two men called edmund and dave. jesus christ #i am still also not over the fact that chris difford follows them on instagram like. ok king of taste! #glass animals #ship's log

[astrxealis]

it is so weird being a mentor now ... ;O

( tags got really sentimental at the end WHEEZE beware if you check T___T )

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i like it though !! :O + it looks cool AND i love helping people out hehe #i've been joining a lot of pfs and helping ppl mhmhmhm super fun <3 #it's weird though bcs now i see stuff for like ... nier/eden raids First Time/Unsync/Sync wtvr but. Man. i was literally There #it's weird but ?? just in a sentimental way :O like how i now seem like those mentors w rlly nice glams and all ?? #that i used to be like Wow at when i was newer to the gave ... then again i'm almost 2 years into this game >< crazy to think honestly #⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚ #i do believe that ffxiv's story is something i wish for those i love to try out :'O hehe it made me genuinely overjoyed when my irls started #altho they DO have good taste with one liking persona (3 4 5 and not just 5!!) and the other w. a LOT #including nier and fire emblem and elden ring!! i love them /p they are my bro while the other is my bestie <33 #hm. i might get off track so i'll get back onto what i'm actually rambling about GBJSHDBHG #i do savage... ultimates... pvp... gpose and glamour :O i just don't do rp HJSDHGJ not yet at least >< #idk it just. man i'm pROUD OH MY GOD I JUST SAW GAWR GURA IN GAME uh yeah anyways yeah i'm really proud #here i am now literally doing some of the hardest content in game. when back in ... even shb nier e9s etc OH MY GOD... #first time doing e5?? i think it was e5. i literally was on the floor for most of the fight LMAO and back then as drg #i didn't know my goddamn rotation and didn't. use geirskogul (i forgot spelling sorry) until it was time for red dragon phase ... man #and now. yeah!! idk it's sentimental hours :'> wahhhh i'm really proud of myself for coming this far hehe #and i have to thank a lot of it to ffxiv in more ways than one T___T that game really is the epitome of Not Just A Game for me #it's helped w my social anxiety and anxiety and self esteem and inspiration and so much more including my probable. depression #and uhhhhhhh yeah yeah yk what connects to that HAHA so yeah as you can tell endwalker hit me SO hard #literally the only thing i couldn't relate to in endwalker is having lost a loved one bcs i have not yet... but i can. understand yeah :')) #ybghbhshjhbhdb idk i just think i deserve the biggest hug :] and even if no one will give it to me except for myself #i think that's enough. at the very least <333 #it's probably not obvious but. i still struggle with those kind of feelings a lot ... but i'm really proud of how strong i am >_< #i think loving yourself isn't really like. necessarily All The Time. i have my downs but generally i'm proud and glad to say that i love me

[butwilltherebealcohol]

Anyone: oh wait, hey! that's today! Happy B-

Me: ssssshhhhHHHHHSHHSHHHHHSHHHhhshHHHHHHH time is not passing time is not real

#tw drunk thoughts #depression #tw birthdays #FUCK man wdym its been a year FUCK #i haven't wasted another year another year has not gone by under me without me managing to end it all it HASNT #NO #aint nothin happy abt it fuck that noise #dont remind me so help me god #oh lord he drunk again #well ofc he drunk its he bday #UGH FUCK MAN WHY AM I STILL HERE

[sophiamcdougall]

I am never going to complain about Greek Duolingo again

I mean, I am. But still.

So, as some of you know, my family has been coming to this tiny Greek seaside village for several years. Just over a week ago I came out here with my mum, under the impression that early September, after the height of the summer heat, would be a good time to have a holiday. ANYWAY Storm Daniel had other ideas about that. Locally things are improving (I'm actually really pissed off about the disaster-porn tone of most English-language media coverage, but that's another post). The power is back on, there's running water most of the time, and though the latter is not drinkable, a truck from the government came and handled out free bottled water yesterday. But we are currently kind of stuck. Can't do tourist things. Can't go home. There aren't any local flights out until Saturday and the road to Thessaloniki is still closed.

So this evening, feeling kind of aimless and depressed, I go down to the nearest beach with a couple of binbags and start cleaning up in an effort to at least do something positive. I always try to do this at least once out here and obviously, after the storm, there's a lot more plastic and rubbish than usual.

At some point I find this large, round bit of metal - some kind of machinery part, I think -- that's too big for the bag, so I take it to the bins on its own, leaving the rubbish bag on the beach. And when I come back for it, something among the stones beside it moves.

Specifically, it pulls its head sharply inside its shell

So, meanwhile I've been trying to learn some Greek with the help of Duolingo.

I currently have a 33-day streak and... I have questions. Shouldn't I be able to use the past or future tenses by now? Shouldn't I be able to say "x is like y"? I can't do those things. But one thing I absolutely can say all day long is έχω μια χελώνα : I have a turtle.

This is far from the limit of Duolingo Greek's turtle-related content. "An obsession with turtles" is my mother's characterisation. I can inform you that the turtle is not a bird, and, improbably, that the turtle is drinking milk. I can introduce you to a turtle in company with a horse and an elephant. As far as Duolingo is concerned, it really is turtles all the way down.

Now this, you may be able to see, is not a turtle. It has claws rather than flippers. It is a tortoise. I know there are wild tortoises in Greece: my aunt once rescued a pair of them shagging in the middle of the road -- but that was up in the mountains. I've even seen one myself, but it was also on a road and very dead.

I am 95% certain they don't belong on beaches. There's nothing for it to eat, except, unfortunately, a lot of plastic. Even if it gets off the beach it will immediately find itself on a road where it could get hit by a car. I'm pretty sure it must have been washed down by the floodwater and has been just sitting there, dazed, ever since.

Now obviously the first thing I want to do on encountering this unusual animal is to go and tell my mummy, so I do. The tortoise immediately brightens her day. She agrees that the tortoise is not happy on the beach and needs to be taken somewhere safe. it gets surprisingly wriggly when picked up so we put it in a carrier bag with some grapes and cucumber and go looking for somewhere to rehome it.

We find a path leading up between the houses towards a likely-looking field, but before we get very far a dog in a yard goes berserk and a man's head pops over a fence and demands to know what we're doing. He does this in English, as evidently we're just that obviously tourists.

"I found a tortoise on the beach!" I explain. "We want to find somewhere to put it."

"A what," he asks.

"It's like a, you know," I begin and then to my astonishment I find myself saying... "μια χελώνα"

"Oh! A turtle!" he says.

"But from the land. δεν είναι χελώνα", [it is not a turtle,] I say, as I am worried he will tell me to put it back near the sea where I found it. As it turns out it actually IS a χελώνα, Greek does not distinguish between turtles and tortoises, but I don't know that; I can't even name the days of the week or identify any colours other than pink yet, give me a break.

The man's entire demeanour changes and thaws. He does not worry about my turtle-that-is-not-a-turtle conundrum. He knows where οι χελώνες come from and where η χελώνα μας belongs. He leads us through a gate into a courtyard area.

"[somethingsomething] μια χελώνα," he explains to the assembled onlookers, of whom there are, suddenly, a surprising number.

"ΜΙΑ ΧΕΛΩΝΑ!!!" crows the throng of delighted small children, who are, suddenly, everywhere.

"μια χελώνα!" I agree, accepting that at least for current purposes, that is what it is.

"Μπορούμε να δούμε τη χελώνα σας; [can we see your turtle?]" asks an adorable little girl, shyly, and I understand??

The children fucking love looking at the χελώνα and showing it to them is kind of magical?

I finally put the tortoise down on the grass of this wild area off to the side of the courtyard, and marvel aloud that it is weird that I barely know any Greek except how to say μια χελώνα.

"I think she will soon run off," a kind lady called Aspasia assures me, seeing I remain slightly anxious about its fate. "I don't know why I'm saying 'she'. I suppose because χελώνα is feminine in Greek."

"Yes! I know that!" I exclaim, thrilled.

"Well done!" she says. And also she asks if we are OK for drinking water after the storm and if we need any help with anything and is just generally incredibly lovely and now we know more of the neighbours!

So "μια χελώνα" has just become, by a long way, my most-used and most understood and all-around most conversationally successful phrase in Greek. So I guess I have to admit I was wrong to doubt Duolingo's wisdom: it is correct to be obsessed with turtles. And I concede that prior to learning how to count to ten or to distinguish right from left, the simple ability to yell the word TURTLE over and over again is, it turns out, a crucial element of the responsible traveller's social skills.

(I am pretty fluent in Italian and turtles haven't come up in conversation even once?)

#story time

[zhongrin]

festered wounds

— when you’ve never been the first choice your whole life, it’s hard to accept the possibility that you could be loved.

© zhongrin | 2023  ✼  no repost・translations・plagiarism of any kind・ai data mining. rebloggers get a free cup of tea ♡

✼ characters ┈ zhongli, al haitham, wriothesley

✼ tags ┈ gn!reader, this is more of a vent drabble, hurt with comfort, reader with massive insecurity issues, implied past trauma, slight blood & gore in the portrayal of ‘hurt’

✼ a/n ┈ this…. got really personal, haha. i wrote this in a bad headspace, so apologies if it got depressing or if it’s of a low quality. i didn't want to have this in my drafts and i certainly don't want to bring it to 2024 so i'm just posting this now.

ᴏᴜʀ ꜰᴜʟʟ ᴍᴇɴᴜ (ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴇʀʟɪꜱᴛ)  ✼ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱʜɪᴘ (ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ)

“i’m sorry.”

zhongli’s heart dropped at the words escaping your lips. this was certainly the most unexpected response you could give to his confession, seeing the promising recent developments in your relationship — and so celestia forgive him, he had to pause to gather his thoughts. this made you fidget even more under his gaze, and so you succumbed to your frazzled nerves to continue in a more panicked voice.

“i’m sorry, mr. zhongli, i know you’re not the type to resort to deceit or find joy in toying with people’s feelings, but i’m just— i can’t—” you trailed off, feeling your chest tighten in pain.

“please, hold your tongue for a moment,” the refined man held out one of his hand to settle onto your shoulder comfortingly. his expression was a mixture of worry and confusion, eyebrows furrowing in a sign of distress. “are you saying that you… do not believe my words? you think i have malicious intentions?”

“….. i’m sorry, i’m just not used to- i’ve never-” you stumbled over your words and squeezed your eyes shut, “i’m sorry….”

zhongli watched you for a moment, observing the smallest ticks and the story behind your body language. you looked so vulnerable, like a scared animal instinctively cowering at some invisible threat. you looked as if someone had stripped away a bandage that had been haphazardly wrapped around a wound left unattended for so long, it had festered into an abomination, eating away at you slowly, even now.

belatedly, he realized that ‘someone’ was himself.

zhongli inhaled deeply, his palm leaving your shoulder. this time, he took his hands to tenderly grab your fingers, lifting them up to silently plead for your attention. your eyes were troubled and full of storms, the rain and lighting reflecting on your expression as a solemn flutter of your eyelashes and sorrowful downturn of your lips. the slight tremble of your body reflected the silent call for help from a blemished heart that never had the courage to forget.

“my dearest. i see the pain you have gone through. i have yet to know the tales that had marred your heart, but i want you to know that i am willing to be the pair of ears you tell your grievances to, and you can be rest assured that they will be safe with me. i know my words will not be enough to convince you otherwise at this moment… however, you must forgive my impatience, for it stems out of genuine love. i simply must humbly ask once again—”

“— please, give me a chance to heal you.”

“a-are you sure you want me?”

out of the 18 different responses he anticipated, al haitham did not expect this. however, his surprise merely manifested in the rising of both of his eyebrows and the subtle shift on his legs.

“unlike the consensus the public seemed to have one-sidedly agreed on, i am not foolish enough in the matter of romance as to confess to someone i do not hold deep affection and great care for,” he said in the same tone as the moment he asked if you would consider taking your relationship into the ‘officially dating’ phase, “is it not obvious? kaveh claimed i was ‘laying it on thick’ and cyno had noted of how i treat you better than how i treat the dendro archon.”

“oh….”

“….”

“….”

you thought you had gotten used to al haitham’s stare with how much you both had been hanging out, but right now you couldn’t seem to lift your head. the scholar crossed his arms, waiting patiently for your response. you were both gratuitous and dreading his resilience.

“i-i still think you could do better, though. i mean, look at you! you’re so fit, so wouldn’t you feel better if your partner is more of the sporty type? and you’re the top graduate of the haravatat darshan, so you would pair better with someone smarter…. a-and someone like me will just drag you down; aesthetically speaking, i… uh, leave much to be desired while you’re… you know…”

you spoke of such illogical assumptions and erroneous advices that he couldn’t help but roll his eyes. you spoke of belittling yourself as if you were used to riding on the rails of insurmountably low dip of the self-esteem cliff for years. you spoke of these things as if you were repeating words someone told you at least once in your life.

and it angered him.

but he wasn’t angry at you. he was angry for you.

funny how empathy wasn’t his strong suit, and yet he jumped on the bandwagon as easily as an otter taking off into the waters the moment it came to you and your emotions.

“i care not for such shallow qualifications when it comes to seeking a partner. your presence triggers the relevant hormones that make me feel relaxed and comfortable, and my mind spontaneously seek for your attention. it’s only logical that i seek for an arrangement that would ensure these pleasant things to happen and develop further.”

“you’re the best choice for a partner, simply because i wish to spend the rest of my life with you; and i think that's enough.”

“i don’t think i’m a good choice for you…”

wriothesley looked as if you had pinpointed his weak point in a boxing match and delivered a straight jab right onto it. his lips slacked open and his body froze as he tried to process your words, the meaning behind it, the—

he inhaled deeply and punched his own fist into his palm, stretching his jaw with a growl before a darker tone took over his voice.

“alright, who’s been talking shit? let me at them. it won’t be manslaughter if they don’t die, right?”

he watched as your nervously fiddling fingers stopped twisting around each other, your eyes widened in shock and alarm at his words. briefly, he praised himself inwardly for being able to switch your mood at the snap of his fingers. now if only he could do that, but instead of surprise-and-horror, it could turn into surprise-and-joy instead…

“what?! wait- no! no one said that, i ju—”

“then is your own head telling you that?”

“it’s—” you gulped, gaze slowly breaking away.

he sensed a secret kept safe under the heaviest chains and locks. pain that had nearly torn up that warm heart of yours, shoved into the furthest part of you in a desperate attempt to save yourself; to silence the damned screams and the river of curses that would have made you self-destruct. he saw the remains of the thousands of needles that had embedded itself deep inside your worn heart a long time ago, and yet still it beat and struggled to not bleed out and drown you in its venomous blood.

he saw a heart as scarred as his skin, and he understood.

“..… alright, sweetheart, listen up, and listen close.”

the man’s hands suddenly cradled your cheeks, his icy blue eyes penetrating your clouded gaze. his whole demeanor had shifted into gentle and loving, as if he was holding his entire world in the palms of his hands. he resisted the urge to kiss you when you couldn’t help but lean onto his touch, instinctively seeking comfort.

he would do you better. he would give you the kind of love you’ve yet to experience. there were so much he wanted to say, but he chose to speak of the reassurance he thought you needed most at this moment.

“i say you’re the perfect choice for me. let me prove it to you.”

✼ ᴍᴇᴍʙᴇʀꜱʜɪᴘ (ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ) ┈ @abyssmal-skies | @hamdehlesmis | @depressivecomforts | @sunnshineflxwer | @yuutasbabe | @queen-belial | @stygianoir | @silentmoths | @niktwazny303 | @dustofthedailylife | @marina-and-the-memes | @mixed-kester | @lordbugs | @anonymousficreader | @shizunxie | @ansy-tea | @irethepotato | @sassy-cat-in-town | @syrenkitsune | @smokipoki | @cakeboxie | @crystalflygeo | @ciexuvia | @illaasya | @celestewritestoomuch | @pams-comfortzone | @spidermanluvr444 | @ourstrawberryclouds | @ryuryuryuyurboat

#genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #zhongli #zhongli x reader #al haitham #al haitham x reader #wriothesley #wriothesley x reader #rin writes

[exopelagic]

Summer always feels so nostalgic and I’m never sure if that’s a good thing. Like I don’t have anything to be nostalgic about with summer it’s just the feeling of time stretching out behind me and like?? It puts me in such a weird mood why does summer give you emotions

#thinking abt this summer and I am crushed by the weight of the last 19 summers and the three months before I go back to uni #but even without getting into the whole being at home thing it just pulls up so much stuff out of me #it might be that the full weight of the seasonal depression has finally lifted and I don’t have as many imminent deadlines now #so I have space inside me for them #but god like. I’m having That Feeling again #hollow and pale yellow in the top of my stomach that’s kinda good but feels like it’s curling up #it’s just like an ache. same as exercising like I kinda like it but it’s also not Good yknow #I think it was partly that last check please post bc that kinda song and check please both do this to me anyway #oh and that my friend called me last night bc she finally got together with this guy (it’s very cute) #nostalgia is the wrong word for all of this but English sucks for describing emotions #the things I could do if I had the words. #jay do you know what I mean #(if you’re reading this) #but yeah I kinda wanna cry now #not even like a lot I’d just like to but my dumb body is so bad at crying when I actually want to #constantly thinking abt that post talking abt people who cry easily bc I am that but I also just can’t do it when I want to #i do not control the cry #man I wish my internship wasn’t remote #it never feels like I’m allowed to think stuff like this but I wish something had happened with a guy this year #but I’ve been completely out of it literally since October and then there was mr I’ll go on a date with you bc it’s funny so like. #I’m also dreading next year bc this year was bad and next year is the hardest of my degree #and I need to do Good to make up for this year #my tutor told me it might just be that I study all the time and don’t do anything else and like that’s fine to say but I don’t think #I can do that. #like I don’t think I’d be able to sustain that and next year’s my last year with a bunch of my friends #and besides that it’s a whole year and I don’t want another one to disappear like this one did #I’ve only got two left here #and I like. I hate that next year’s gonna be so much bc I have so much other stuff I want to do #like I want to try playing with the hockey team bc multiple people have now said I’m good enough for it and I want to do that even though #oh wait there’s a 30 tag limit now >:(

[forlix]

𝘀𝘂𝗯𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁・l.f.

— in which you forget that your hot housemate follows you on twitter.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀・1.1k 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴・roommate!felix x gn!streamer!reader 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗿𝗲𝘀・fluff, flirting, kind of an smau, implied friends to lovers, humor if u count jeongin being a piece of shit

𝗮/𝗻・saw this tweet the other day and it was so painfully lix coded that i knew i had to write something asap. contains a tiny bit of gaming jargon but is hopefully comprehensible. ENJOY ♡

y/n ꒰ᐢ. .ᐢ꒱₊˚⊹ @ y/nxx

if someone brings you fresh cut fruit to your table when you're gaming, they either like LIKE you or it's your mom

11:23 A.M.・Oct. 2023・220.2K Views

bokkie 🐣 liked your post.

“My tweet?”

You read aloud the newest text in your chatroom, and your face brightens when you remember the one in question.

“Oh, about the fruit—no, it’s so true though. And I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but I have an inkling she did it to guilt trip me." You change your posture and adopt your best motherly tone of voice. "‘This is your tenth consecutive hour wasting your young adulthood in front of that damn screen. I am now going to hand deliver apple slices straight to your mouth.’ That kind of vibe, y'know?"

A slew of messages follows your anecdote, but it is a comment from one of your moderators that catches your eye first:

je0ng1n: what about the other option tho 👀

You groan at the sight of his username. “Man, why are you always here? Don't you have a job?"

je0ng1n: i’m on break je0ng1n: taking a dump je0ng1n: ungrateful bitch

You brandish a middle finger to the camera. “Hope the dump sucks."

je0ng1n: HEY je0ng1n: don’t even joke about that :(

An involuntary cackle precedes your next words. “If you’re actually wondering, though, the only person who’s brought me fruit while I’m playing video games is indeed my mother. Heartbreaking, I know.”

At this, the steady flow of messages morphs into a gallery of depressed cat emoticons; your audience never fails to impress you with their way with words.

“But if someone other than your disappointed parent is bringing you fruit,” you go on, “they might as well get on one knee in the process, honestly. That's such an adorable, loving thing to do.”

Suddenly, the words MATCH FOUND splash across your monitor, and you move your cursor to accept the game invite—only to be met with a pop-up window and a familiar error sound that grates on your ears like screeching tires.

You know how this story ends: the lights in your mouse go dark, and you look on in dejected silence.

je0ng1n: LMFAOOOOO je0ng1n: bro’s mouse definitely just exploded again

“You guessed it," you sigh. “Hang tight for a sec, guys."

Half an hour ago, you could’ve sworn you heard sneakers being kicked off, a set of keys falling against plastic. Now, you pull one side of your headphones off and roll your chair a few feet backward, calling through your half-open door: “Lix, are you home?”

You pick up on a soft clunk that sounds like metal hitting wood—the cutting board, maybe?—and then your housemate's low, accented answer bounces off the walls of your shared hallway.

“Yeah, you alright?”

“The mouse,” you say helplessly.

“Ah.” It’s not the first time you’ve summoned him for this. “Be right there.”

A few seconds later, you remember to tack on a hurried disclaimer: “I’m live, by the way!”

“I know.”

This brings a bashful smile to your face, though the expression quickly turns to one of pure dismay when you return to your desk and witness the disastrous state of your chat.

Felix has become a regular guest on your stream by now, always popping in to show you a TikTok or ask for your opinion on a new pair of jeans or simply give your camera an awkward wave—but he may as well own your channel with how completely and unequivocally he has captured the hearts of your viewers. They’re convinced he’s the sexiest person to ever grace the earth, with his chiseled features and coffee-colored eyes; with a grin that could set entire estates on fire and a voice that could scrape the nadir of the Grand Canyon.

Do you agree? Absolutely.

Do you have any intention of voicing this sentiment, so long as you’re splitting rent with him? Absolutely the hell not.

Another of Jeongin’s messages—GET ME HIS NUMBER OR I GET VIOLENT—inspires you to minimize the stream window before Felix gets here. It’s for the best.

A few moments later, the door opens, and the air shifts inside your room. A hand comes to rest on the top of your head; a familiar silhouette appears in your periphery. There is a fond grin plastered across your face and a bright greeting sitting readily on the tip of your tongue.

But then, Felix places a plate of freshly cut fruit in the empty space to the left of your keyboard—here, he hums, the sound falling against the shell of your ear like a drop of melted chocolate. And the gears of your brain grind to a complete stop.

There is no further acknowledgment; no supplementary explanation for what he's just done. He simply picks up your mouse and gets to work.

The words of your tweet swim dizzyingly before your eyes, not unlike those halos of stars and birds that revolve around disoriented cartoon characters. And you’re suddenly, achingly aware of your roommate's arm nudging against yours as he tinkers away; of the aromas of vanilla and laundry detergent that always come with his proximity; of the heat that’s risen to your face, and the plethora of questions that have surfaced to your mind.

A soft huff of laughter follows a gentle utterance of your name, and you snap out of your trance. Felix’s eyes are glinting with amusement when you meet them.

“It’s been recalibrated,” he says, handing back your mouse. “Just give it a few minutes.”

Your fingertips brush over his palm when you accept the object, and even this blink of contact has your heart performing an elaborate hopscotch routine across the plane of your chest.

It’s either your mom, or…

“Thank you,” you mumble, finally retrieving your larynx from the bottom of the Atlantic.

“Anytime,” Felix returns, and you know he means it. “You need a duo, by the way?"

“Yes, please.”

He gives you a warm smile at this, and there’s a hint of something else—something new—in the curve of his lips. “Give me two.” And he’s gone as quickly as he'd come.

You will never know how Felix slips his phone out of his pocket the second he emerges from your room, his pulse hounding his ears as he turns a nervous gaze upon his screen.

There is now a supersonic blur of messages saturating your chatroom, a colorful cacophony of moving emotes and capital letters, but he is focused wholly on the person in front of the camera and how you slowly lift a hand to your mouth, deathly silent despite your every viewer demanding your comment on the matter, your sanguine cheeks visible even through the gaps of your fingers.

That is all he needs to know.

Felix sinks into the leather of his gaming chair and bends to power on his computer. Only after a deep breath blows past his lips does his smile start to stretch into a grin, every bit as embarrassed as it is relieved.

je0ng1n: no way je0ng1n: no fucking way je0ng1n: my heart fluttered je0ng1n: wtf je0ng1n: how’d you pull HIM??

y/nxx has removed je0ng1n as a moderator of this channel.

𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸? please consider reblogging, commenting, or sending me an ask to let me know; or, read my other works here. thanks so much for the support ♡

© 𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗹𝗶𝘅 (est. 090323) · all works are pieces of original writing and all characters and relationships are purely fictional. please do not repost or reuse for any reason.

#felix x reader #skz x reader #lee felix x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids imagines #felix imagines #lee felix imagines #felix fluff #lee felix fluff #k-labels #lee felix #stray kids #skz imagines #felix scenarios #lee felix scenarios #skz fluff #stray kids fluff #stray kids scenarios #*writing #*minific #this was very fun to write ehe my inner gamer came alive #oh to be able to queue up with hot housemate lix :(

[i-cant-sing]

Okay but I need yall to help me figure out the character(s) for the following scenario:

Imagine a romantic yandere falling for reader, and ofc reader isn't in love with yandere for obvious reasons like red flags. Maybe they did try dating, Yandere is a charmer, comes from a rich family, he's smart and hardworking and oh so head over heels in love with you. He's always taking you out on best dates, HAS to get you the largest fucking bouquets (excellent taste in flowers) and buys you expensive but well thought out gifts.

But for whatever reason, things dont work out and you break things off hastily and most likely over the phone before leaving the country. And yandere just- breaksdown. I mean my man does not have a good mental health as is, but you leaving, actually leaving him just breaks him down and he has a full blown panic attack.

I'm talking about yandere falling to his knees, clutching his chest and gasping for air, tears streaming down his face as he screams your name like a mad man. His family, they love him, they adore their son/brother/grandchild sm, it pains them to see him in such a miserable state. Yandere man is so delirious that he has to be sedated, tranquillised by medical professionals because he's just losing his fucking mind, babbling your name over and over again like a mad man. His condition only worsens as time passes, and so his family decides to take drastic measures because they can't see their beloved son/brother/grandkid so fucking dead and depressed and a shell of a once bright man. They love him so much, they only want ti see him happy, so they use their money and influence to track you down and try to convince you to return and take yandere back. When you refuse, they take the high way and force you to come with them, dragging you kicking and screaming to their private jet and fly all the way home, where yandere is.

You're in a dishevelled state, tears running down your cheeks as you struggle to free yourself from their grasps as they take you to yandere. And when yandere sees you... for the first time in months, his family sees the light return in his eyes as the yandere reaches out for you, scared that you're just his mind playing tricks. When he finally touches you, he is immeadiately pulling you into a hug, arms tightening around your body like a gilded cage as he cries into your shoulder and thanks his family for bringing you back. His family only smiles with tears in their eyes as they lock the door behind them when they leave, so that you don't go running away. Meanwhile, yandere has pulled you into his lap and he's looking at you with such sad eyes, staring at each feature of yours over and over again as if to memorise it all again. He can't help the tears that continue to slip out of his eyes, maybe he's crying that you're finally here, or maybe he's crying for all the time that's been lost when you weren't here. You fall asleep soon due to exhaustion, but yandere doesn't sleep a wink that night because he continues to stare at you and play with your hair very gently, finally closing his eyes when morning comes and he wraps his arms around you and traps your legs with his.

By now, you guys realise that the yandere's family is not only yandere for their son/brother/grandson but also for you. They are yandede for you too, but they're not allowing you to leave them or their son or even make him unhappy ever again. Some members are willing to let all you "tantrums" slide, while others are not so kind. BUT one thing is for sure, you're ALWAYS safe with yandere s/o, no matter what.

Now, for the characters I've had in kind for this scenario are:

Halim Mehmet Shah and the Shah Family (my ocs)

Dabi/Shotou and Todoroki clan (I am the OG creator of Yandere Todoroki Clan)

I wanna say Naoya or Toji but the Zenin clan hates them both....

Dick Grayson/Jason Todd and Batfam

What do you guys think?

Mood board for this scenario^^^(I love Pinterest)

#yandere halim shah #yandere #yandere oc #yandere ocs #yandere x reader #yandere x #yandere x you #yandere dabi x reader #yandere dabi #yandere x darling #yandere batfamily #yandere batfam x reader #yandere batfam #yandere bnha imagines #yandere bnha x reader #yandere bnha #yandere todoroki clan #yandere jujutsu kaisen #yandere jjk

[ha--eul]

.

#what am i even fucking doing man #just trying to scrape by everyday with no goal just oh this is only until x but there is no fucking x #im trying to at least deal with the depression of it all but i dont have any money left i dont have any support all i have is an indefinite #wait until something anything lets up and idk what to even do anymore #i feel so fucking shit all the time... nothing i do helps it just seems to make it all worse #i cant even kms cos i love my bf and my friends too much... #and i don't want to be that to my niece and nephew.... just some 'auntie' they dont remember who offed 'herself' cos shit got hard #im gonna have to ask for money again but idk who to even ask i hate it i feel like everyon resents me for it already but what else can i do #the bank is just gonna keep charging me if i dont #i cant believe i even feel this way but i wish i could just get bad enough to stay in hospital or psych ward..im just so tired of trying to #manage all this shit #anyway guess ill get high what else is there