#and not just worse for 'someone else as long as it's not me'

[kinopio-writes]

HH Characters x Physically Affectionate!Reader (Pt.2)

A/N: The last part. Enjoy, lol.

Bonus character: Zestial!

Warnings: Mention of sex on Adam’s and Vox’s part, but nothing explicit

———

Sir Pentious

• he’s not used to it and is uncomfortable with it (he makes a weird face every time you touch him)

• he’ll be fine after you two become close, though

• but don’t try to overdo it

• if he likes you romantically, however, he blushes crazy every time you touch him

• he doesn’t really have a favorite one

• he turns red no matter what

• and his love language (receiving end) is more about words of affirmation, anyway

———

Lucifer

• if you’re together with Lucifer, he’s likely smitten with you, so he becomes really giddy whenever you give him affection

• he probably starts stimming (doing little kicks or squealing)

• this guy loves to be held a lot

• oh, but he loves it when you nuzzle into him

• his favorite is forehead touching

• it’s really tender and he melts at that type of affection

———

Adam

• usually, every time you touch him, he’ll think that you want to fuck

• so he’s fucking confused whenever you don’t escalate any further than a kiss

• he does that thing where even when you pull away, he’s still leaning toward you, eyes fluttering

• he’ll probably get used to it

• his favorite is when you just cling to him

• if you’re not short enough to do that, he loves it when you just put your head on top of his while you two are curling up on the couch (he finds it cute)

• he also loves getting massages from you

———

Lute

• she’s not affectionate in general nor is she a fan of it

• so if she’s not that close to you, you better back the fuck up ’cause she’s going to take that as a genuine attack

• it’s worse if you do it out of nowhere (seriously, you will end up with a broken arm)

• but, if you two are sort of close and she’s used to your affections, she’s aloof to it all

• she will even start to initiate them herself unknowingly

• it’s because she mirrors the people she likes, which is not a lot, lol (everyone does this—I think—but Lute’s just more noticeable)

• back rubs are her favorite (not full-on massages, though, just a little rub after she got done training or something)

• she might like head pats, too (she feels praised whenever you do it. This works exceptionally well if you’re taller than her)

———

Vox

• he’s not that physically affectionate

• unless it’s sexual

• he’d be pretty weirded out if you just wanted to hold hands or something

• but after he gets used to it, he becomes nonchalant about it

• he’ll start grabbing your hand on his own accord (it becomes instinctive)

• he’s fine with PDA, but don’t try to be all lovey-dovey when he’s in conversation or dealing with someone else

• his favorite is when you two are just snuggled up on the couch doing your own separate thing

———

Zestial

• I added him in because I wanted it to be even

• anyway, he’s more hand-kissing and linking arms type of gentleman

• and the most he’ll do in public is link arms

• he thinks displays of affection should be private

• even then, he’s not that physically affectionate

• he doesn’t have a favorite, but considering that he’s cold-blooded, he quite likes it when you snuggle onto him and make him warm (this only works well if you’re just as tall as him, lol)

———

This was relaxing to do. I’ll likely write more stuff like this in the future whenever I feel unmotivated to write.

The next three requests I’m going to post at a much later date will probably suck ass. Sorry to the ones who send those in. And for making you wait a long time as well. If they even remember…

My favorite ones to write from the two posts were…mostly everyone! These were so fun to write. I sort of had a writer panic midway, but it was still fun. It’s probably because I used too many parentheses and it bothered me or something.

#hazbin hotel x reader #sir pentious x reader #lucifer x reader #adam x reader #lute x reader #vox x reader #zestial x reader #hazbin hotel sir pentious #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lute #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin hotel ​zestial #kinopiowrites

[fallenhunnyapple]

@ilikelookingatthings left a very long and question filled essay about Angel!Lu AU in the replies so now its time to delve into More Info about the AU! @fallenguitarhero is my Adam so I got his input for all the Adam-related parts of this. Under a cut because.... this is Very Long LOL (bonus art at the end)

I'm going to just Copy-Paste the answers I got when we discussed it

I do think that Adam actually subconsciously shifts blame to Lilith because he's very black and white in his views. He hates devil Luci but he thinks he can prevent angel Lu from going down that path if he just keeps them apart. Lute also believes this and ngl her view of Lilith is like...really awful internalized misogyny type shit. Both of them think its better the two never meet and Lute outright threatens Lilith to stay away. Adam is too possessive to try and shift Lu to someone else but he does like... try to push Lu back into friendship type feels. Adam is a dumbass about sexuality so he thinks if he brings Lu to do Masculine and Straight things it will fix this. Instead he ends up just spending even more time with him and making it worse. As for his trauma... yeah Adam tries to hide it. Mostly by changing the subject and acting like an asshole tbh. I've thought abt Lu finding out about Cain and Abel p much by mistake (maybe saw artwork of it, all the hell related stuff is hidden but they wouldnt think to hide art of Adam holding Abel's body or Cain's exile) and it breaking his little baby heart. Adam def has moments where like... his mind is busy w something else like a bad day or a nightmare and for a second he sees the devil instead of his angel. Adam always like... 'shit, sorry, i thought you were someone else- fuck, don't look at me like that, c'mon.' There are other issues he just... doesn't realize he needs to hide. They're right about Adam being cynical and like... telling himself Lu doesn't really love him. Even once they date, he's still insecure. At that point i think he'd tell Lu about Lilith leaving him for a friend of his (whose name he never gives) and his marriage with Eve ending badly. He avoids details. He prob talks way more about his kids and prob even introduces Lu to them... Lu being around might encourage him to work on his relationship with them. Adam's body dysmorphia is such a contrast from the Adam Lu knew before... i do think that with him hiding so much from Lu, he tries to make it up to him by making sure his life is perfect. He goes out of his way to keep his angel happy and his attitude spreads to his exorcists who accept Lu into their flock. tbh Adam's dynamic with them prob becomes way healthier over time due to Lu's influence. i think Adam does tell the truth about some things but leaves out the details. Like he says evil found earth and destroyed Eden but says it hurts too much to talk about it (not a lie) and tells Lu that it's why the exorcists exist, they protect heaven and the dead humans from it. Which is what the official story is anyway! i think Lu prob has the same info the average low ranking Heavenborne and winners do. If Lu pushed him too much Adam might admit there are things he can't tell him but frame it as a military thing - there are things only Michael, Adam and the high ranking exorcists can know. He feels a lot of guilt about lying. it weighs on him a lot. that and the stress of protecting Lu from his brothers honestly makes Adam act more subdued and tired than canon Adam. His eyebags are awful. It prob becomes obvious as time goes on that Adam is Not Well. He keeps his mask on for a looong time after the first time bc it helps him hide his feelings and self-regulate but when he finally takes it off it's obvious to Lu from how he looks that Adam is struggling mentally. Comparing him to how he looked in Eden makes it so clear.

For Lu's part of things. Of course he'd ask about Lilith. Especially after finding out that so long has passed and Adam is here, so Lilith is probably here too, right? I feel like because he missed... So much, the concept of Death to him still doesn't really sink in. Like even with the Sins, it's basically like he just Knows he can't See them again. So with Lilith its like Adam has to just lie the same as with Anyone else from Hell. And Lu is definitely heartbroken about Lilith being Gone.

And like, at the time, Adam isn't lying so he doesn't feel Guilty about it, he just feels bad seeing Lu so upset. The timeline of this is kinda indeterminate but it definitely is Earlier than the 7 years of Lilith being in Heaven. So when he first Appears, she hasn't left Hell yet. Who knows, Charlie may not have even been born yet at that point. There's no Solid point in Time for Lu to have appeared in Heaven, it's just... Earlier. He doesn't think to Look for her because he knows that if she's Not Already There, then she's Inaccessible. Otherwise Adam would have told him, he's sure of it. (Adam has no obligation to tell Lu when Lilith does get there and for the reasons stated above + the fact that the Elder Angels probably would try and deter any interaction between the two. he's left in the Dark about her arriving in Heaven. He doesn't know Adam has even made a Deal with anyone) He still misses her because Adam is Truly the only friend from When he's from left.

And tbh the mixed signals are what keeps Hope Alive for Lu. As much as he tries to be okay with friendship, he still wants more because he's In Love and Adam is the only thing that makes him feel Normal when his entire life and everything he knew was entirely up-ended. It's why he's so passive about it. He doesn't want to make Adam feel bad, but he sees Adam being so Conscious of him now and it makes him happy. He doesn't wanna Push it, but he still likes seeing that Adam is Aware of him like that now. Especially because it's not in a way where Adam is trying to push him away, Adam is actively spending more time with him!

The longer time passes, the more discontent Lu grows. Knowing he's being lied to/that things are being hidden, even by Adam, he is Curious and he wants to learn more. But he also isn't going to be reckless about Learning More. The thing is also he Doesn't Know what questions he should be asking. He could ask Winners things and get answers, its not like anyone would stop him from Talking to Winners, its part of his Job. But like... How would he even start to figure out what's Missing in his knowledge?

Also Lu is definitely Aware of how different Adam is from his Eden self. Like just Visually, it's so easy to separate them because Adam wears his mask. But when its just the two of them and Adam is maskless, Lu may be more susceptible to treating him like that. But he's also very aware of the fact that actually their Knowledge Base is completely flipped. Lu hardly knows anything and Adam knows Everything.

And like.... Lu Knows that being kept in the dark is probably 'for his own good' but as stated, the person who fell is Still him. So now instead of resenting/being upset that Humans were kept in the dark, now it's himself. There's no Fruit That Will Fix Things for him though. He's just left frustrated at his lack of agency in this. And honestly, what keeps in line Most is Fear. Since coming to this time, his family has been Nicer to him, he's actually getting along to some degree with his brothers who used to ridicule him (or worse) and he Knows it's only because he's 'behaving' now, now that Creation is over and Life Has Existed. And he's scared or what will happen if he steps too out of line. He doesn't have the refuge of going to Eden to visit the Humans if things go south with his siblings. He isn't allowed on Earth, he's confined to Heaven, so he would just be stuck with the same sort of things that ultimately drove him originally to commit the Sin of giving Eve the Apple (not that he's Aware of how it culminated) And Also he has Adam. He doesn't want to know what the consequences would be if they were to decide that they shouldn't be allowed to stay together. It would absolutely break him.

If Lu were to find out about the exterminations, he'd be just as Appalled by it as Emily was. Lu doesn't know about Sin, what that entails, how Sinners destroy everything. He hasn't had to live with it so he can't see any contempt or justification for their destruction. Lucifer hates them because they came in a ruined the world he tried to build in Hell. Lu doesn't have any such associations with them. He would just see them much like Charlie does, souls who made mistakes and who should be given the chance to Do Better and make up for it. (That's sort of what he is, in a way, too.) He would absolutely be upset and scold the fuck out of Adam and Lute if he knew what his besties were REALLY doing once a year-

As for the sexual stuff, Both Lucifers started without having a concept of sex or sexuality, so both of them are specifically shaped by their partners (literally in a way). So the Lucifer who learned and explored with Lilith is going to be completely different from the Lucifer who learned and explored with Adam in terms of How they have sex. It's a skill they learn by doing, so it's not the Same.

Thank you for sticking it out this long, have a doodle for your troubles 🙏

#hazbin hotel #adamsapple #guitarduck #adam x lucifer #lucifer x adam #angel!lu au #lucifer hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #adam hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel ada #hazbin adam #my art

[meanbossart]

Just thinking thoughts about Orin and Drow lore, and idk if this has been asked already, but

If Orin had just disappeared for like a year, not even Sceleritas could find her, with how obsessive pre-tadpole Drow was how would he handle that? Aside from being prideful and murdery, I don’t remember in the pre-tadpole Drow lore about any instance (after he made it to the temple) of him expressing anything else. Did the two ever have a wholesome moment?

Hmmmm not wholesome, no. I'm sorry to disappoint people who might wanted to see a more explicitly vulnerable side to both of them at that stage in their lives, but that's just not... How I envision things. I don't think anyone born into the temple would have had much room to express themselves in the way average people do.

What they did have was an undeniable connection and mutual understanding. This lasted for about 7 years, so between ages 18-25 for DU drow. (Canonically he's currently 28, give or take). I think that, sometimes, they also silently understood among themselves that things weren't always fair or good.

This might sound like a whole load of nothing to some people, but based on the culture within the cult, Orin's story, and the behavior of everyone involved in it, it seems huge to me that two people who were essentially groomed to be the embodiment of murder would harbor any kind of care for one another, even if it was subtle. The fact that they could share a bed, talk shit about Sarevok, and seamlessly work together and share in the glory of their deeds as equals is what intimacy looked like for them - before DU drow's ego (and the very need of a more explicitly intimate connection with someone, to be fair) got to his head.

They killed together, they rolled around in blood together, they bickered and fought and one time Orin stabbed him in the gut and DU drow punched her jaw out of it's socket. Then they flopped down on the ground and cackled about it while Sceleritas rushed in to stop the bleeding. Is that wholesome? I think for deified bhaalspawn who know nothing but that life it's the closest it gets.

There had to have been quiet moments I'm sure. Like Orin waiting around while DU drow got ready to go somewhere, him adjusting her headpiece, Orin slicing her brother's long hair off when he first arrived and looked like some sort of sinewy wood's creature. At night, they probably laid in bed in silence and sometimes stared at each other until either fell asleep.

I am very interested in not inventing an obscured, soft side to Orin that we didn't get to see, you know? While she wasn't always the level of manic we see in-game, she was completely unfit to function normally due to her upbringing, and this reflects in her relationships. DU drow is also undeniably emotionally stunted, just in a slightly different way.

I got off rambling to no one's surprise LOL but to answer the first part of your question - I don't think he would have been quite as dramatic about Orin just up and vanishing, as there's no explicit suggestion of death in that. He would have been insufferable to be around for a while, but in that scenario I could see his duties keeping him busy.

Not to mention that, while through death, she would be leaving him unwillingly - disappearing with no trace implies the uncomfortable possibility that she truly, honestly, just didn't want to be around him. That allows room for contempt and bitterness to fester until you wrongly convince yourself there was never any love there at all, even if just to soothe your own conscience.

He would have just become a much, much worse person that way in the sense that he would have nothing to focus on besides for his lord's will - as horrific as his attitude towards Orin was, it is very much a human feature to desperately cling to connection. With Orin around, he had a little bit of fucked up tenderness and love in him - it was a personal desire completely separate from his "job", a vestige of free-will. Without her, he just has Bhaal and whatever Bhaal wants.

Orin has always unwittingly anchored him, and then, later freed him. And he never ever deserved any of it.

🤷

#ask #du drow lore #orin the red #bg3 spoilers

[thedeviltohisangel]

For A Fortnight There We Were: What About Your Quiet Treason?

a/n: some more early days of ev/cal. featuring a little vacation for them with her friends, some miscommunication and some feelings being brought to light. also once again features evelyn's friendship with the tellers because i am obsessed with them and think the four of them could get into so much trouble together. as always, i continue to insert her into the modern day whenever something pops up but please feel free to send blurb requests for them as well! so much of their future and the angst i have kept a secret and i am so proud of myself. love you all!

She knew looking in her DMs or Twitter mentions was never going to end well. They were a sordid place of opinions and accusations and no matter how much positivity was sprinkled in, it was so hard to see. After pictures of her lounging on the deck of a yacht in the Amalfi Coast with a lanky man with brown curls kissing her neck were publicized a few days ago, she hadn’t been able to look away.

They were flooded with screenshots of Callum’s Raya profile, allegedly still active, and more private DMs of WhatsApp conversations that showed the cell phone number Evelyn had saved in her own contact for him. Her melancholia was threatening to swallow her whole as she curled up on her side on the boat’s salon.

“Hey! You were taking awhile so I-” Kelleigh paused as a barely repressed sob shook Evelyn’s shoulders. “Babe, oh no, what’s wrong? What happened?” Kelleigh dropped next to her on the couch and hugged her as best she could, her cheek resting on her arm.

“It’s easier if I just show you.” Ev sat up and handed Kelleigh her phone, her knees drawn into her chest as her friend’s eyes skimmed the screen.

“All this could be old, Ev. It might not mean anything.”

“The messages are dated from a few weeks ago while I was in Toronto.” The words of them seemed innocuous. Pleasantries and laughing emojis and memes. It was irrational but it felt like something special about their blossoming relationship was being taken away. Like him sending photos of Golo or his morning tea to these girls meant they meant as much or as little to him as Evelyn. “I’m so fucking stupid for falling for it.” Her forehead hit her kneecaps as she tried to hide her shame.

“We don’t know what exactly we are looking at yet,” her friend cooed, “this could all be one big misunderstanding.” 

“It’s my fault. I should have never let myself get attached. I should have known better to wait until everything with Logan was finalized.” The universe was punishing her for being happy. For falling in love with someone else while she was still married. 

“Cal is fucking crazy about you. Your heart and your gut know that and know how you feel.”

“He hasn’t even asked if we are exclusive. Doesn’t call me his girlfriend.” Kelleigh sighed and reached to grab Evelyn’s hand. She knew Callum was confused and conflicted. Last night, after their group dinner and hours of dancing, Evelyn and a few others tucked themselves into bed but Cal had stayed up for one last cigarette. Kelleigh had stayed up with him to pick the brain of the man one of her best friends was falling in love with.

“Evelyn is like a sister to me and Miles,” Kelleigh started, “I watched the way her marriage ate her away. And somehow her divorce feels even worse. If you aren’t going to be there for her for the long haul, you should go now before it’s too late.” It was obvious with the way Evelyn looked at him. The way she blushed and giggled at his every word and every touch. The way she had held his hand like a vice at the club and fed him bites of her dessert at dinner. All of the friends who knew her before Logan saw that version of her finally seeping back into her bones. Callum was most certainly the cause of it but if he was going to fly her high and leave her to crash to earth on her own, she needed to know now.

“I am living the happiest days of my life with her. Being with her like this makes me feel like I am exactly where I’m meant to be.” God, he straight up fucking loved her. But that was too complicated to introduce. “But I don’t know how to navigate shit with her and her ex.” None of it was normal, all of it was new. Were they dating? Were they supposed to start calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend?

“She’s just as confused as you, I promise. Do you want something real with her? Something with labels and commitment? Even if it means putting up with Logan and his bullshit?” Kelleigh felt like she was hyping up the man in front of her. Trying to spark that passion in his chest to fight for Evelyn tooth and nail the way she deserved. 

“I do. I want that. But not at the expense of her peace and stability.” Logan was incensed with every blurry photo or DailyMail tabloid story that came out about them and Ev took the brunt of it. If his presence in her life was adding fuel to that fire, maybe his departure was as necessary as it was tragic.

Kelleigh scoffed, “Just another fucking way he’s trying to control her.” Callum snuffed out his cigarette and moved to stand in front of her.

“You know her best. If I just straight up ask her to dive in with me, ask her to commit to this feeling between us and put a label on it and run off into the sunset with me, will she do it or am I just scaring her away?” 

She had told him that Evelyn would in a heartbeat. Wanted to tell him she thinks her friend really loved him. Was maybe getting some semblance of hope back for her future. But now, looking at the screenshots her friend was showing on her phone, maybe she shouldn’t have been so encouraging. 

“Ev? Evvie?” The deep, British voice belonging to the male in question reached their ears, Callum standing on the deck of the boat toweling off as he looked around for her. “Hey, there you are.” All their friends that had been splashing around the Mediterranean waters were climbing back onto the yacht to get ready for dinner. The last thing Evelyn wanted was to cause a scene or have her personal emotions on such public display. 

“Here I am.” She stood in the hopes she could run off in the name of getting ready to avoid him but he was over to her side in two steps and bending down to kiss her. Both her hands on his chest served to stop him but the way she turned her face so his lips barely kissed the side of her head served to freeze his heart. “Gonna go get changed for dinner.” Her back was to him in an instant and he stayed exactly where he was as she disappeared down the spiral staircase to the cabin they were sharing. The same cabin where they had fallen asleep in each other’s arms every night and woken each other up with kisses and caresses. The same cabin where he had made love to her over and over again with the softest and gentlest of touches. A tenderness only a lover could possess. 

“Did I miss something?” he heard the first whisper. 

“I thought they were good.” Went the second whisper. 

“If you could even call them a they,” was the final straw before he was following after her. He tried the doorknob to the room but it was locked and his heart started pounding in his chest. 

“Ev? Please let me in.” His forehead dropped to the door and he swears he heard the sounds of a sob. Her sob. The sobbing of the woman he loved. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please let me in so I can fix it.” Clearly he had upset her. Clearly something had happened in between waking up naked and twined together and playing with each other’s fingers and now, refusing his kisses and locking a door between them. Her feet padded closer and he stood up straighter. There was sniffling. She was definitely crying. 

“There’s nothing for you to fix, Callum. I expected too much from you. I’m used to being let down by my own expectations and I should have known better.” His brows furrowed together and panic began to set in. 

“No, you…you deserve the world, Evelyn. You’re right. I haven’t been doing my best in giving that to you. Haven’t been as open and honest with you as I should have.” She wanted to laugh. Of course even now he was saying the right thing. Promising her he would change if she would just give him another chance. Promising he could and would do better at being the partner she deserved in this life.

“You’re seeing other girls.” It was unfair and she knew it. Nothing between them was defined and she had only asked that he not sleep with anyone else if he was going to sleep with her. There had been no conversation about dating other girls. Evelyn had been afraid to make it so real.

“What?” He didn’t try to stop the incredulity from seeping into his voice. “What…Where…Who is saying that?” She finally opened the door and he was greeted with ruddy cheeks and damp eyes.

“All day I’ve been getting screenshots of you on dating apps and of conversations you’re having with them and I’m sick to my stomach thinking about it.” Evelyn felt used. Felt dirty. Felt like every accusation she had defended him against was for nothing. That maybe she should have heeded their warnings. 

“I didn’t delete the profile because it felt like signing you up for something you weren’t ready for. Like if I took this too seriously then I’d be pushing you away.” There was no use in lying about it. The profile was his but he hadn’t been using it. To be honest, he thought she’d be more freaked out by him deleting it because that would signal his view of their relationship as serious.. A conversation they hadn’t had yet and he was hesitant to bring up. “And yes. A couple of them I gave my number to. Texted and flirted and whatever else it is people are sending you. I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen, Ev.” She turned and walked deeper into the cabin, Callum following and closing the door behind him for privacy. She landed in the chair of her vanity with a heavy sigh and looked at him like she could see his soul. 

“Are you sleeping with other girls?” His face contorted in disgust. 

“No. Absolutely not.” The one aspect of their relationship that they had defined. That under no circumstances would they have sex with someone else while they were having sex with each other. As if either of them had even looked at someone since their night in Chelsea months ago. He ran his hand through his hair with frustration. “Fuck, Evelyn, I’m trapped between wanting to dive head first into this thing with you and acting like it’s just some casual fun between friends.” He was at such a loss. Keep his options open so he looked like he didn’t care and could put the pieces together if she dropped him. Worship her on his knees until she offered him some kind of idea of the future. 

“Well,” her voice sounded hoarse to her own ears, “I’ve come to a decision about that this afternoon.” Callum braced himself for the impact. Figured she had been in here working on ways to let him down easy. Break his heart in two rather than millions. 

“You don’t got to say it, Ev. I’ll pack my bag while you’re at dinner. Be out of your hair before you get back.” The towel was tossed into the corner of the room with a hint of anger as he felt tears well behind his eyes. The woman he loved, slipping from his grasp. He had agonized over every word and action to try and prevent this from happening. Had accepted the complications that came from being with her while she was still legally married. Still going through her divorce in the public eye. Even though it was ending, it had all been worth it for these months they had shared together. He just wished it could have been forever. 

“That is the last thing I would ever want.” She stood and walked towards him, her forehead resting between his shoulder blades. “I never want to be without you, Callum, that’s what I decided this afternoon. That it all hurt so bad because of that fact.” Her arms wrapped around his torso and he tangled their fingers together, bringing the back of her hand to his lips. 

“I don’t ever want to be without you either,” he whispered. He twisted in her embrace so they were chest to chest. Her eyes captured his own, strong and sure in their conviction that she was doing the right thing. 

“I’m falling in love with you,” she revealed. “I need you to know I’m not scared. I’m ready for this to be a real relationship. I’m ready for the labels and the commitment. Ready to be with you in every way that I possibly can.” The thought of him being someone else’s, in any capacity, had scared her to her core. She had never felt so possessive over someone or something. Never felt like she owed it to herself to try so much. 

“Say that again,” he hummed against her lips. He urged her backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed.

“Which part?” she asked breathlessly as her back hit the mattress and he landed on top of her. 

“The part about falling in love with me,” kisses draped across her jawline, “or maybe how you are ready to commit to me,” down her throat, “actually, I also liked the part where you want to be with me in every way possible.” So badly did he want to lose himself in kisses along her chest and throat and all the inches of her skin that were exposed by her skimpy bathing suit. But this moment felt like he should look her in the eyes. Memorize how they looked back at him and held someone on the precipice of falling in love.

“I’m falling in love with you,” she smiled and traced her thumb along the lines of the smile that was spreading across his face. “I’m ready for commitment with you. I want to be with you in every way possible.” Callum laughed, a full throated and powerful laugh, ducking his face into the crook of her neck. Evelyn’s own pure happiness bubbled out of her in a laugh as she hooked her legs around him and held him against her tightly. 

“Am I supposed to call you my girlfriend now?” he asked as he lifted his head. 

“And you can be my boyfriend, just as if we are back in school.” His nose knocked against hers twice before his lips landed on hers. 

“I know it wasn’t easy for you to say those things, Ev. I want you to know they mean everything to me. Being with you means everything to me.” He knew that the road ahead of them wasn’t going to be easy either. That it was marred with traps hiding in the shadows, maybe some even in plain sight, but at the end of it was something so golden and pristine it would have to be worth it. 

“No more pretending,” she whispered. No more walking separately into a restaurant. No more distancing themselves at night clubs. No more solo trips to the grocery store or posting photos without him in it or hiding the evidence he had spent the night with her. 

“God, I’m going to kiss you so fucking much at dinner tonight.”

And he did.

And she felt loved.

She was.

#callum turner #callum turner fanfiction #callum turner fanfic #callum turner fic #callum turner x oc #evelyn

[weneeya]

hi weneeya!! I made sure to read ur rules btw :3

and I was wonderingggg... maybe you could write a scenario (highschool setting) with Sugawara with the shy art kid! super fluffy✨

as an art kid myself, I like to draw people who im fond of! and since reader just have this big crush on Suga, she sketches him and presents it to him :))

I'll be waiting for the request! tysmmm✨

a cute gift w/ sugawara m.list | rules

note. hiii thank you sm for your request, the idea is so cute i love it!! always super fluffy, love that <3 feel free to request!

It would have been an euphemism to say that you loved art. It was actually your only way to express yourself. Your emotions were coming out better when it was through art. And as you had some problems yourself, you had some hyperfixations. 

It would be weird to say that you had a hyperfixation on Sugawara, obviously, but you had a huge crush on your senior. The boy was one year older than you, but it was like fate always wanted you to meet him ; or maybe it was your due. 

You were way too shy to even think about talking to him, but the simple sight of his handsome face and adorable smile was enough. He was your muse, you had to admit it. For the past few weeks, at least half of your drawings were him. Only sketches most of the time, things you were a bit ashamed of because it would never be as pretty as he was. 

Your friends were trying to convince you to make a move towards him, but how could you? A boy like him was out of reach for someone like you, and you were well aware of it. But after some fights, they got you to talk to him. 

You spoke a few times, when you were meeting in the hallways or things like this. Just enough for him to know who you were and remember your name. And the more you talked with him, the more you wanted to be with him again and again. 

You couldn’t simply confess to him like this, you weren’t able to do so. You had only one solution to your problem. You had to express your feelings to him by the way you expressed yourself the best : art. 

It took you a few more weeks to achieve your piece. It wasn’t the Joconde, but you were quite proud of what you did. It was one of the prettiest drawings you had ever done, but it wasn’t even half pretty as he was. 

The real problem now was to gather enough strength to give it to Sugawara. The boy was currently talking with his friends from his class when you cleared your throat, quickly asking him if he could somewhere else with you. The more you waited, the worse it would be. 

To your surprise, Suga didn’t hesitate for long before saying yes, following you out of the room without any more questions. This is how both of you ended up on the rooftop, you with your hands hidden behind your back. 

“You needed something from me?” He asked with this usual smile of his, and you were sure you felt your heart skipping a beat. In a second, you were handing your drawing to him, looking away to be sure you would never meet his gaze. 

When his eyes saw what you were offering to him, it was his own heart which stopped when he realized what it was. He stayed silent, his eyes roaming over the drawing, again and again. It was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen, and it was him. He couldn’t believe it. 

“You… You drew me?” He slowly asked, raising his eyes to you while you were clearly avoiding his eyes. You slowly nodded your head, still looking away. A smile slowly appeared on his lips, and the second after you were between his arms for a hug. He held you tight, thanking you over and over. You were trying to say something, but he didn’t give you the time. 

“Please, don’t ever stop. You’re so talented, and I’d love to be your model but officially next time,” he told you with a wink, and you swore your face never burned so much before. He chuckled slightly when he saw you, leaving a simple kiss against your forehead. “I love art.” 

It was going to be a difficult process for you with a boy as expressive as him, but you were ready to make all the efforts in the world for him, especially if it meant being able to draw him freely and spend more time in his company.

thank you for reading <3

#sugawara koushi #haikyuu sugawara #hq sugawara #sugawara x reader #sugawara headcanons #haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #hq #hq x reader #hq headcanons

[slytherinboysappreciation]

SMUT REQ LESGOOOOO

Male reader and Tom are from the Wool's orphanage and they grow together, so ofc it would be natural for Tom to think that they would end up together, right? To have reader standing beside him as he becomes the Dark Lord? Wrong. Reader never considered him more than a best friend or a brother that should be protected. So when there's a rumor abt reader dating someone Tom was furious, he went to search reader to confirm the rumor (which is not true) but alas, he's too furious to listen so he fuck him dumb, and Tom started speaking parseltongue while getting it on

Bruh idk how to explain this lmao, English is hard 😔 But hey u can make the setting for this one when Tom was alr a Dark Lord (daddy) or when he's in the 7th year.

Rumor - T. R. x male!Reader

A/N: I’m so sorry for taking so long to get to this 😅 My writing motivation has been a little skewed lately. However, I did it! And I hope you like it!

I changed the parseltongue part to him speaking it when he gets angry enough because it just helped the story along more. I hope that’s okay.

It’s unedited with no use of Y/N. I think I tagged everything, but let me know if I missed something please! 💛

And of course, this fic contains explicit sexual content so ABSOLUTELY NO MINORS!!!!

CW: Possessiveness; mentioned failed love confessions; angst; a mention of horcruxes; anger, lots of anger; murder mention; Tom gets a bit physical with reader; dubcon touching; dubcon sexual content, (consent is there, but not referenced); handjob; doggy style, I think?; Tom ties reader’s hands with a belt; anal sex; anal penetration; no lube mentioned; dirty talk; aftercare; slightly fluffy ending; also, this takes place after Hogwarts so Tom and Reader are both of age!!!!

1676 words

You were Tom Riddle’s best friend.

Everyone knew it. He’d made sure of it as soon as your friendship had been born. You were his friend. First and foremost, above anything else.

You were his. His friend. His follower. Almost his lover even.

Not anymore.

From as far back as he could remember until his seventh year of school, you’d been by Tom’s side. The two of you grew up together. Shared classes together. Practiced dark magic spells together.

And then graduation came and ruined everything.

He hadn’t meant it to. When he’d confessed to you, he’d thought you’d felt the same. Thought you’d felt the spark between you. The feverish heat that came with late night talks and too long glances.

But no.

You hadn’t seen Tom as anything more than a friend. Even worse, you’d called him your little brother. It had made him sick, to think that all that time he’d been pining after you, you’d never even looked his way.

So he’d cut you out of his life. Carved you out of his heart and left a bleeding hole there instead.

It hurt every day you weren’t there.

But he’s stronger now. He has Abraxas and Bellatrix to take your place.

He never finds himself clutching his chest, gripping so hard his knuckles turn white from how strong the pain is of missing you. Never. Not even once.

Not even making a horcrux hurt as badly as missing you.

But Tom was content. He was fine. He had other followers who were just as loyal as you’d been. He didn’t need you anymore.

At least, that’s what he told himself.

It all changed the moment your name fell from Abraxas’ lips.

Tom’s head snaps up immediately, eyes cold and intense. “What did you say?”

Abraxas blanches, as if realizing his mistake. “My Lord. I just— I didn’t mean—“

“What did you say?” Tom’s voice is low, almost a hiss of warning.

“I— I said that Lestrange saw him out with someone. A— A woman, it looked like.”

The fury is slow building, but its intensity could’ve fueled countless more murders. Tom rises slowly. He stands, his aura sucking the life out of the room.

“I will return.”

With that, he sweeps out of the room, a cold blaze of fury and betrayal following in his wake.

Neither Abraxas or Bellatrix try to follow.

He finds you in your house. Whether he knocked or not, you’re surprised to see him all the same.

“Tom?” You stare in bafflement, maybe even awe.

He’s not surprised. Tom’s been told many times of his physical beauty, something that only heightened over the years. And it’s been many years since he’s seen you.

You look… very much the same as ever. New hairstyle, perhaps. Your face has matured a bit, making you look a little older. But you’re still you.

“Hello.” He spits out, barely able to hold back the rage and flood of feelings that fill his mind. Anger, betrayal, hurt; as if the rejection had been mere moments ago.

“What are you—“

“Who was she?” Tom demands, interrupting you. You blink.

“Huh? Who was who?”

Tom grabs your shoulder, his fingers digging into your shirt. “The woman you were with.” His voice is venom, pure anger in his tone. His voice shakes with it as he speaks. “Lestrange saw you with someone. Who. Was. She?”

You blink, visibly confused. Then your expression clears. “Oh. Her? She’s just a friend.”

“I don’t believe you. Who. Is. She?” Tom grabs your other shoulder, barely holding back from shaking you.

“A-Aurora Greengrass,” you stammer out, looking even more startled by his anger. “I swear, we’re just friends—“

‘Just friends.’

That’s exactly what you’d called Tom’s relationship with you. A ‘just friends’ thing.

He doesn’t even listen to the rest of your words. Blind to everything but the fury in his veins, he starts rummaging through your shirt pocket. Looking for something. Anything to prove you wrong.

He only finds a pack of cigs and an old lighter.

He tosses them to the side and hauls you over to the nearest wall. Slamming you against it and holding you firmly in place with one hand. “Who is she to you?”

You stammer, unable to form words. Tom grips your shoulder tighter, pressing closer to you. “Answer me!”

“I— I can’t understand what you’re saying!” You cower in the face of his anger. “I can’t understand— Ahhh!”

You yelp and shudder as Tom’s hand grazes your groin. He ignores your reaction and digs into your pants’ pockets, looking for anything at all. There’s nothing but fabric and a single money bill.

Still, his hand continues to search, roaming from pocket to pocket like something will appear. Nothing does.

It only heightens his anger, makes his jaw clench with fury. His words coming out in a hiss. “Is she your lover? Your wife? Or is she just another useless little toy for you?”

You let out a pathetic little moan, hips jolting a bit. Tom’s vaguely aware that his hand has stopped wandering where it’s supposed to be. But he can’t be bothered to look.

“Answer me!” He spits out. “Who is she to you, really?”

“I can’t—“ Your voice comes out as a pathetic whine. “Tom, please! I— I can’t understand you!”

Your hips jolt again and Tom finally looks down. He’s groping you, hand wandering across your half-formed hard on. Unconsciously feeling you up.

And you’re not pushing him away.

In fact, you’re stifling a moan, resting your head back against the wall. Eyes half closed. As if you’re… enjoying this.

A plan forms in his mind. A wicked, wicked plan. If you’re not willing to answer him… he’ll just have to fuck the answer out of you.

“Couch,” he hisses, “Now!”

He yanks you after him, relishing the way you stumble. You don’t deserve his kindness right now; what you need is to be fucked dumb.

Tom pushes you down against the couch and reaches for your belt. You don’t even protest. You just whimper softly and let him do what he wants.

He pulls your cock out, sliding his thumb along the tip. You moan and arch up, precum coating his thumb.

“T-Tom!” You gasp as he fists your cock, gripping tight enough to make you see stars. Your hips thrust up automatically, fucking into the sweet pressure of his hand.

“Shut up!” Tom hisses, eyes narrowing. He starts to move his hand and you choke with pleasure.

“I can’t— fuck!” Your head is thrown back against the couch, hands gripping the cushions tight enough to make your knuckles white.

You moan and writhe under Tom as he guides his hand along your cock, shifting and changing the pressure until he finds what makes you gasp.

And then, he pulls back.

Making you almost sob from the loss.

You reach for him, voice cracking pathetically. “Tom, please…!”

He bats your hands away, manhandling you until you’re kneeling on the couch. Pants around your ankles.

You grip the back of the couch tightly, practically clinging to it as Tom undoes his own belt. He grabs your hands, looping the thick leather around them. Pinning your hands together. You’re tied up now, unable to free your hands.

Tom frees his own cock, lining himself up with your asshole. You shudder and whimper, face flushed red. “Please!”

“Needy little bastard,” Tom hisses. “Can barely even wait for me.”

You just moan and press back against him. “Fuck, that’s so hot…”

Slowly, Tom sinks into you. Inch by glorious inch, he slides his cock into your greedy little hole. You clench hotly around him, making his breathing stutter.

You feel divine.

Hot and tight and perfect.

He bottoms out, cock buried deep inside you. He grips your shoulders, resting his forehead against your back in an effort to keep from cumming on the spot.

You’re a moaning mess, soft pleading babbles mixed with whimpers and gasps. Tom can barely understand you, you’re so incoherent.

It’s exactly what he wants. You fucked out enough that you forget how to speak.

Finally, he starts to move. In and out, each thrust getting faster and more aggressive. Slowly building up until you’re sobbing underneath him, mindlessly whining with pleasure.

You look glorious. Perfect.

It’s like a dream come true, you underneath him finally, just like it was always meant to be.

The thought makes his hips stutter and he grips your cock. He won’t last long like this; you’re clenching around him too tightly.

With a couple good firm strokes, you’re spilling onto the couch, cumming with a loud cry.

Not even moments later, Tom thrusts into your ass, filling you up with a gasp of his own. He shudders and leans against you again, struggling to catch his breath.

Slowly, he pulls out of you, absently rubbing along your back. The rage is gone from him, leaving him feeling tired and drained.

“Are you…” Alright doesn’t seem like the right word for the situation.

But you just moan softly. Roll over onto your back and gaze up at him with dreamy eyes. “Fuck yeah…”

Tom chuckles softly, almost tenderly. He can’t help it. It’s you.

Gently, he undoes his belt around your hands. They flop uselessly to your sides, as boneless as the rest of you. You just melt into a puddle of dreamy gazes and soft smiles.

He literally fucked you dumb.

As you continue to bask in the afterglow of your fucking, clarity starts to return to Tom. This is his opportunity. His chance to look around and see what you’ve been doing with your life since he cut you out of his.

But…

Gazing down at you…

Tom settles himself on the couch next to you and pulls you into his arms. You happily snuggle into him, burying your face in his neck.

Snooping can wait.

It’s been forever since he had you all to himself like this.

And he’s planning on taking advantage of every moment he can get.

#tom riddle #male reader #divider by cafekitsune #tom riddle x male reader #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle x you #tw dubcon #tw anger #tw murder mention

[neonacity]

Limerence | Haechan x Reader (A Lucid Special Chapter)

Limerence (n) - a feeling of all-consuming longing or desire for someone.

Summary: After years of longing, can strangers find it upon each other to forgive and remember again?

Warnings: Note: This story will NOT make sense if you have not read Lucid. Haechan is aged-up and in his early thirties. There are mentions of torture, abuse, and kidnapping. Haechan and the rest used to be really toxic.

Disclaimer: This story is pure fiction. I do not claim any likenesses between the characters here and their real-life counterparts. I reserve all rights to this work and I post nowhere else but Tumblr.

Read here for: LUCID SERIES | JENO’s VERSION | JAEMIN’s VERSION | RENJUN's VERSION

And with this, the story finally comes to a close.

"TO BE LOVED IS TO BE REMEMBERED."

“This room has more smog than a city center. How many packets have you smoked?”

A sigh from somewhere made Mark blindly turn towards the only lit part of the space. Peeking in between wisps of heavy scented smoke, a bronze plate with several burning sticks stood against the light of a yellow lamp. The apparatus was resting on a handsome oak table, puttering away silently to screen the figure of a dark-haired man sitting beyond it. Mark smiled wryly to himself before taking deeper steps inside the room. 

“It’s called incense, my uncultured big brother. It’s supposed to make you feel relaxed and inspired,” came the low but lazy drawl of someone. Mark stopped just a foot away from the desk, his hands buried in his pockets.

“Let me guess, Renjun gave them?”

The other shrugged before slightly frowning at the paper in front of him. It’s obvious that he is not much up for a conversation right now, but Mark didn’t fly 15 hours to Seoul just to be snubbed by his little brother. Slowly, his eyes dropped on the pages laid out on the table, noting the scribbles and crossed-out words there. 

“Let me make another guess. The smoke isn’t really cutting it for the ‘inspiration’ part?”

At that, brown eyes snapped up to glare at him, hidden behind the slight reflection of black-rimmed glasses. The next second, he had a balled piece of paper thrown straight at his face, one he easily caught with a light laugh. 

“Did you just come here to be stabbed by me?”

“Well that’s better than being ignored by you after a long flight. Jisung asked me to make sure to check on you before I go to South East Asia. He said you haven’t been answering any of their calls.” 

The other scoffed. “Since when have we been on daily calling terms?” 

“And since when have you been so against it? Or is the great best-selling author Lee Donghyuck too popular for his brothers now?”

Another piercing glare, then followed by a roll of the eyes. Mark laughed again, noting how the shoulders of the other just ever so slightly softened.

“Well… how are you, Haechan?”

*******

Haechan placed the steaming pot of tea on the table without even bothering to pour one for his guest. To be honest, a visit from Mark was something that he wasn’t expecting tonight, and he would have for sure bolted if not for nosy Jisung making sure he didn’t have any idea about it until the last minute. Now he is cornered and has to deal with something worse than a creative block—a brotherly talk. 

“How’s the book going?”

He waved a hand towards the littered surface of his table before taking a sip of his once scalding coffee.

“It’s going swimmingly, as you can clearly see.”

In his peripheral vision, he saw Mark’s lips slightly tighten into a line. It was an expression he knew far too well, especially with him in the context. With an internal groan, he took another drink from his cup in an effort to hide his wince. 

“I don’t think being back in this place is helping you at all. This manor, of all places… I still don’t understand why you think being here will help you finish your book.”

“Would you rather have me camp out in Rosewood then? Because I would have. If only it hadn’t been burned down.” 

Great. The words were out before he could even realize what he was saying. With a frustrated sigh, he finally looked up to see his older brother with a stoic expression, one that only clouds his usually accommodating features every time their past was mentioned. Haechan looked away guiltily, but kept his silence. 

Ten years. A long time, but a short one all the same. Even now, mentions of their old home still feel like a strike of burning metal against their insides, a proof that sometimes, your ghosts can still catch up with you at the mere mention of a word or a slip of memory. He could see it on his brother’s face now, and there is no doubt the other sees the same on him. They were older now, but under the dim lighting of the room, they looked like the same boys who ran away from the nightmare that shaped up their younger years.

So much has changed… and yet so much has remained the same. 

Mark moved on to be the official heir of the Rosewood wealth, working hard to bring back public trust on their family after they were officially cleared of suspicions of kidnapping. He rarely visited Seoul, opting to jump from one country to another to make sure their ‘businesses’ run smoothly. 

Renjun moved to Paris to start an orphanage, which also doubled as a school for children who were abused or shunned by their family. It’s where he also continued his career in art, though he opted to keep his works anonymous and mostly hidden away from the public eye. 

Jaemin is a father now to a daughter—a chatty adorable girl that he met on a visit to Renjun’s school. Both relocated to London where he had built a career as a photographer under a different name and identity.

Jeno… None of them really knows where Jeno is, only getting letters from him every now and then from different addresses. He makes sure never to miss their birthdays though, sometimes even sending some trinkets that could only give the slightest hints of where he could be living his quiet life.

Jisung and Chenle both decided to settle in China, the latter having had the need to trace down his real family before he was taken to Korea. He found nothing but a sister who accepted him back to the fold and he had been in close relations with ever since. Finally, there's their youngest Jisung who also found family there but in a different way, now a happily married man—and a father soon.

As for him? Oh he had moved on too for sure, if you could call being an author hiding under a pseudonym that, at least.

Haechan tried his best. He really did. On his good days, he would wake up and feel like the wounds have finally closed and turned to scars. Writing helped him cope for the most part, because it was a way for him to escape reality and repent for things he could never grovel for in the flesh. It kept him sane. Grounded. But more than that, it made him still feel connected… 

To you.

Of course, he knew better now to even consider himself worthy of even remembering you. He hurt you badly, stole you away from the world, and left you wounded in ways that he’ll probably spend a hundred more lifetimes to repent. Yet in those dark days when he thought what he was doing was out of love, there were also moments when you two connected from the stories you both loved. In those slivers of time, he thought—hoped—that maybe, you wanted to be with him too. 

“You didn’t have to come back here. There’s nothing to come back to anymore.”

Mark’s voice was what he needed to pull him from his spiraling thoughts again. Hand stiffening, he kept quiet, because he knew his brother was telling the truth. 

Being in the same house in the middle of the woods where he shared the days with you is not going to heal him of anything. It was not going to give him forgiveness. 

Nor was it going to give you back to him. 

The slight sound of rustling made him look up just in time to see Mark pushing a long slip of paper towards him from across the table. He picked it up and frowned at the print there. 

“Come to Hong Kong with me. You can stay there for a few months, or weeks, I don’t care. You can try and finish your book there and decide what you want to do after. You can go anywhere, except here.” 

Haechan’s gaze didn’t leave the plane ticket. He was barely touching it, and yet it felt like it was burning the pads of his fingers. From across him, he heard the sound of a chair pulled back across the floor, followed by his brother’s voice before he closed the door. 

“I leave in two days. Think about it. I hope to see you in the airport, Haechan. I know it's hard... but it’s time to finally let her go."

*******

“What are we going to say if they ask you for updates about your book? We don’t even have a publish date yet!” 

Haechan tried his best not to bash his head against the brick wall he is leaning on. He was currently on his third stick of cigarette, and yet the nagging of his publisher was doing more to his blood than the nicotine pumping in his veins. With a sigh, he pinched the bridge of his nose at the hopes of staving off an oncoming migraine.

Why the fuck did he even agree to do a book signing in the first place? And is it too late to bolt from here?

“Xiaojun, if you don’t shut up, I will walk away and not do this at all. Stop worrying too much.” 

The poor man pacing in front of him stopped and looked at him with eyes as big as saucers. If he wasn’t so irritated, he would have laughed at his reaction.

“What?! You can’t do that! There are already people waiting for you outside!” 

“Yeah? Well those people only know Lee Donghyuck, not my face. I can easily walk out the door without them recognizing me.” 

The threat holds true though. In his career, he had only held a few exclusive book signings that all required guests to turn over their phones and cameras. It was the only way he agreed to do them after Xiaojun finally cracked him down with his incessant pestering. Surprisingly, the man loved the idea, saying that his mysterious persona will add on to his popularity.

“Okay, okay fine. I’m going to stop and go back inside. But please, can you have that as your last stick? We’re about to start in five minutes.” The same man blurted out now, face pale. “You can’t ditch this. This is your first ever book signing in Seoul!” 

And probably the last, came his silent, sour thought.

“Just get in. I’ll be there on time. Make sure nobody takes pictures,” he said as he shooed the other one last time. With one last suspicious look thrown at him, he finally heard the clicking of the door. He sighed and took one last hit of his cigarette before crushing it on the bin beside him.

“Stupid Mark. This is all because of him.” 

*******

“I love your book so much. I’ve been such a fan since the first one!” 

Haechan gave the woman a smile as he started scribbling on the copy of his book. He had lost count of how many people had said the same thing to him since the line started moving, but he accepted each one with practiced grace anyway. He might have lived as a hermit for the past few years, but that doesn’t mean he had lost his flair for charm for necessary situations like this. At least that’s what he can say from the way the guests, especially the women, seem to blush and look just a little disoriented when speaking to him.

“Thank you so much. Who is your favorite character?”

“Oh I love IL Bagatto! The Magician! I think he is so different from the rest.” 

He gave a slight laugh as he flicked his wrist to finish writing his signature. “Good choice. He is my favorite too. Thank you so much for supporting my work.” 

“Only five more,” Xiaojun mumbled quietly behind him as the man placed the final fresh batch of books on the table. As he waited for the next person to come, Haechan took the chance to reach out for his glass of water to take a sip. 

“Thankfully. I need a new pen. This one’s out of ink,” he grumbled back.

He had just uncapped the new marker he was handed when a shadow fell over his table. Like auto-pilot, he reached out for the top book from his pile when a soft voice stopped him.

“Oh. I’m so sorry… But would it be alright if I have my old copy signed instead?” 

It felt like the floor dropped under him with the way his lungs stopped breathing. Like the flip of a switch, everything around him fell silent, except for a heavy thudding that banged against his ears. It almost seemed like an out of body experience as he slowly looked up to meet a pair of eyes he had begged all that is holy to never let him see again in his living days.

You smiled at him, and all of a sudden there was a God that cared for the heavens again. 

“Yah… Hyuck… there are people waiting.”

He barely felt the slight nudge that Xiaojun gave him as he continued staring at you like you were a ghost. The world could be burning around him right now for all he cared. It was only when your smile slightly wavered did he snap out of his trance, your gaze hesitantly moving to the book that you have placed on the table.

“A-ah… it’s fine if I get a new copy. I don’t want to hold you back,” you said in the same voice that he remembered even after all those years that passed. Haechan felt his heart constrict as he tried to search for something else in your face. 

You… Do you remember…?

“Your name. What’s your name?” 

You looked a little worried yourself as you heard him croak a reply. Quietly, you answered as he blindly pulled the book towards him. It was only then that he realized it was not the same one as the title he is signing for today, but his very first story.

The Girl By The Window. 

The same book he was drafting when he last saw you in the hostel by the woods. The one whose pages you picked up and read under the dying light of the sun before he lost you again.

“I know this is just the start, but the way you wrote her makes me feel like you love her deeply as an author.” 

It took him his last strand of self-control as he heard your voice utter your name. Fingers shaking, he turned the battered cover of the book and flipped to the first page where his author dedication was. The copy was a soft cover version, and he noticed how well-loved it was from the yellowing paper and the earmarked pages. Shakily, he started writing there, barely aware of the words he scrawled. 

“That’s my favorite page. That dedication,” you said with a breathy laugh as you watched him sign. “To be loved is to be remembered. I think it’s a very beautiful quote.” 

Haechan looked up and felt himself drowning in your eyes. It only lasted for a few more seconds, but the way you held each other’s gaze felt as if every single day you spent apart came together as a singular unit in that moment. When he handed you back your book, he knew he had once again crossed a boundary he promised himself he would never tread again. 

“Can you wait for me to finish the signing? I want to talk to you… About this book.” 

He watched as your eyes rounded in slight surprise, before giving a slight nod to hide away what he just whispered from a curious Xiaojun over his shoulder. Without another word, you walked on, clutching the still warm book against your chest. 

*******

He found you at the end of the classics aisle, silently reading a book opened on your right palm. The bookstore is mostly empty now, except for a handful who mostly stayed at the front of the shop where the new releases are. The aisle where you are is a long one, and he simply stood at the end of it in silence, giving himself a few seconds to admire you from afar.

You looked so beautiful that he almost wished he could spend longer to just stare at you from a distance. The vision of you standing there, content in your silence and peace sent a painful throb through his chest. You looked so… safe with yourself. So free. All of the things he had only seen in his dreams, none of which consisted of him. In that moment, Haechan realized what he was about to start the moment he takes another step closer to you. This couldn’t be right… It has been ten years. He can’t throw that all away and mess it all up for you again. 

He took a step back to walk away… 

But then you looked up and said the words that turned his world upside down again.

“Haechan.” 

It felt like he had swallowed fire at that moment. Every part of him was burning—his hands that want to reach out to you, to his heart that seemed ready to burst out of his chest. He walked towards you slowly, as if afraid the image of you would disappear like an illusion if he approached you too fast. But you stayed there, resolved and unafraid. 

“You waited…” he whispered, breathless. You turned your body to him fully now, closing the book you were reading.

“You asked me to…” 

His eyes fell on the cover that you were holding and he felt his breath silently catch in his throat again. Shining in gold letters etched against the cover were two words. 

Wuthering Heights. 

“What do you want to talk to me about?” Your voice shook him back from his trance. You were looking at him so openly and yet he can’t read a single thing from you. Do you remember? Are you here to punish him? Or do you still not know him?

“How do you know my name?” It was not how he intended to ask the question, but it was the only thing he managed to push out now. You stared at him for a few heartbeats before finally giving a small smile and showing him the other book on your hand.

“You wrote it in the dedication you signed for me… Here,” blankly, he blinked at the page he just wrote on earlier, the black ink still fresh there. He didn’t even realize that’s how he signed.

“Oh…”

Silence fell on both of you then. You patiently waited for him to say more, while he was right there, combusting and putting himself together again and again internally. He didn’t plan ahead of this. How could he? He was never even meant to see you again.

“I was just—I was surprised when you brought my first book out. It has been so long since I…” he fumbled now, at a loss of what to say. It’s not too late yet, a voice inside him said. She doesn't remember. You can still walk away.

“I wanted to know why you like it.”

No. No, I don't. 

“Ah…You must be curious as its author,” you said kindly as you looked at the copy fondly. “It just felt so raw and real. To be honest, I stumbled upon it at a low point in my life and it helped me a lot. I can see how much you felt for her… the character you wrote.” 

His throat felt dry. He didn’t know what to say to that. 

“May I ask a question?" you asked again when it seemed like he has lost his tongue.

Do you still feel the same?” 

His gaze snapped back to you. The way you stared at him was still unreadable, but there was something in the light of your eyes that made the chaos in him slowly quiet down. It was as if you took hold of a thread inside of him and slowly pulled at it to unravel him slowly. 

“Feel what…?” 

“Love her. Do you still love her, Haechan?” 

That was all it took for the rest of the world to fall away around him. Fear was replaced with something else. No, that's wrong. He is still afraid, but he is willing. 

“I do. It never changed,” he said softly as he took another step towards you. You didn’t move back, even when he slowly raised his hand to cup your face.

“And you? Do you still like the way I loved her?” 

“I do. And do not at the same time,” you paused, and for a moment he could see it. All the answers he was looking for as he gazed down on your face.

“You hurt her.”

“I know.”

“You abandoned her. All of you did.” 

“We did…”

“You didn’t come back after taking everything from her.” 

“We didn’t think we deserved to come back. None of us did.” 

“And now? What do you think of it now?” 

Haechan paused, allowing himself to review every right reason why he is wrong for you. Yet, for every mistake and every risk, he found an excuse to never let you go again.

“I’ll stay. Even if I spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you… If you let me.” 

You watched him, thoughtful and doubting. He was ready to grovel to your feet at your denial. He'll beg you if you want him to, like the lost man he is.

But then you smiled.

“Even if I make you suffer for every wrong thing you did?” 

He stilled, surprised, before a soft laugh broke his silence. Gently, he lifted his other hand to cradle your face and tip it back. With a sigh, he leaned over to press his forehead against you.

“You can torture me every day of our life and I’ll still thank you at the end of it, noona."

This time, it was your turn to chuckle. You waited as he slowly dipped his face to yours, but stopped him just before your lips met.

“Haechan?” 

“Hmm?”

“What’s your favorite story?” 

He smiled before finally meeting your lips together.

“You. Forever you."

-------

Taglist: I only added those who were part of my taglist for Lucid previously (those who still haven't deactivated, at least!) @marijmin, @cabaretyun, @jhornytrash, @pukupukupawpau, @vsszn, @grandmasterslickfox @haoshitt , @furryllamas , @mindofthescattered @bettyschwallocksyee , @strawbunnyjaem , @huangberryyy

#haechan fanfic #nct dream fanfic #nct dream fic #haechan yandere #yandere haechan #haechan x reader #haechan imagines #nct dream yandere au #nct dream yandere fic #nct dream imagines #yandere nct #nct yandere fic

[sailorshadzter]

Prompt: After being captive in Dragonstone for several months, Jon just wants to let off steam especially after repressing all the things he wants to shout at Daenerys. He went to Sansa's solar itching for a fight, but Sansa is guarded (has the Lady of Winterfell walls up). He finally succeeds in baiting Sansa to a fight, and then he can't help but laugh during mid-shouting match. Jon misses the tension, confusion, and he misses being treated as an equal. Sansa is confused, annoyed, but she can't help but be amused. Jon reduces the tension by apologizing, and they awkwardly try to do their jobs (talk about the castle and evacuation).

ANONNN

this has been in my inbox a long time so i hope you see this!!!

send me prompts

He knows it’s wrong, but there’s no stopping himself now.

Without any hesitation, he’s pushing open the door to the solar that once belonged to him, to them, and of course there she sits behind the desk, her usual place. She looks up as he barges in, a brow arched in surprise, but her face does not change. 

Not at first, that is.

“Jon,” she greets softly, carefully, hands laying down atop the desk she sits behind. “I did not expect you,” she continues, blue eyes unwavering in their gaze. What she means to say is I thought you were with her, but she does not allow herself to speak to him in such a way. 

Not yet, that was. 

They’ve been apart for a long seven months and she cannot help but to wonder if the man that returned from Dragonstone was even the same man she knew. Jon was someone else entirely it seemed- though she hates to admit it. She thinks back to their last private conversation, one that had happened in this very same room just the day before… Did you bend the knee to protect the North, or because you love her? His face had changed when she’d asked such a question. She might as well have slapped him, the way he had looked at her then. Have you no faith in me at all? He had asked her, cutting her, striking her, filling her with shame. That could have been her chance, her one moment to tell him everything… But then she remembered the sight of him on the damned dragon queen’s arm and jealousy took control. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt,” he says, but she’s shaking her head, rising up to come around the desk to stand before him, just an arms length away. “You weren’t at dinner.” He adds, recalling the way the lords had exchanged their glances, how Daenerys had whispered something to Tyrion, who only shook his head and swallowed a goblet of wine. 

“No, I wasn’t,” she says, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Her voice brokers no argument, but his blood boils all the same. He wishes for her to rage at him, to fight him, to curse him. “I am sure your queen was more than enough company for you.” Ah, there it was, that quiet resentment. She speaks the words before she can stop them, though truth was, she’s glad she’s said them now. 

“It’s rude to avoid her in such a way,” he snaps, harsher than he intends, but she’s laughing, blue eyes scathing in their gaze. “I mean it, Sansa, you don’t know what she’s capable of if you provoke her!” 

“Oh, don’t I?” She snarls, throwing her hands up. “As if I’ve not already faced her wrath once? As if her dragons have not already attacked a local farm? As if I’ve not already faced worse than her?” She rolls her eyes, turning away. “Your queen will be the death of us all-”

“She isn’t my queen!” He explodes, cutting her off, drawing her back. For the first time, her face softens, something like realization registering in her blue eyes. “She isn’t my queen,” he says again, softer now, gray eyes full of the desperation he feels in his heart. A laugh escapes him without warning, without hesitation, for this conversation is everything it shouldn’t be. He cannot help but wish he’d never come here at all. 

“Jon, I…” She speaks softly, hand twitching as if she might reach for him. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes, quieter now than ever before, turning away to face the hearth, his back to her. It takes but a single moment for her hand to touch his shoulder, to turn him around to face her once more, the touch of her hand spreading warmth through all of his limbs. 

She swallows and then stands a little straighter, her arm falling back down by her side. “We do have the supplies to last, you know,” she says, changing the subject, understanding him in a way no one else ever could. 

“I knew you would find a way,” he says awkwardly, watching as she moves away, to sit back behind the oak desk, wishing he had the courage to sit on its edge as he once would have done. Perhaps with time… Perhaps there would be a day soon that they would fall back into their old steps with ease. “Lord Royce said the grain stores are plentiful.” She had done well to prepare Winterfell for the war that was to come, like the queen she should have been. 

“I have sent word to most of the remaining houses to retreat here,” she continues, hands folding together atop the desk. “This is the safest place to be, after all.” Jon is nodding, agreeing, and they quickly fall into an easier conversation- one of planning and of survival. He supposes that should they all live through the Long Night, there would be time enough for them to talk about everything else. 

And so they talk, not of their feelings, not of anything but what was to come. 

Everything else would come in due time.

#jonsa #actuallyjonsa #jon x sansa #anon asks #writing prompts #send me prompts #my writing #i wrote this

[a-mint-bear]

Jacob (Subby Yandere) Headcanons

🐶Jacob: Puppy Dog in Puppy Love🐶

bit longer than i thought it'd be, so lore under the cut

● Jacob grew up with crap parents who never paid him any attention. They were a couple of horrible, rich monsters who hated being married almost as much as they hated being parents. He was raised by a series of nannies, they never stayed on longer than a few months, his parents didn't want him getting attached. He always wondered what it would be like to have someone he loved and who would love him and only him.

● On the outside he seems nice enough, if a little awkward. He knows how to talk to people and navigate social situations, but it's all on the surface. He doesn't learn people's names unless it would put him at a disadvantage not to know. He has no friends, he never really felt the need to connect with other people. Most rub him the wrong way. But you just feel... right.

● Before he confesses, you seem to be the only person he can't figure out how to talk to. He doesn't know how to act around you, what the right thing to say is. At first it pisses him off, like why are they so much more difficult to figure out than everyone else? Who do they think they are, making him feel this way? Then he sees someone flirting with you and... oh. That should be him. He should be making you laugh and why won't you smile at him like that?

● He wants all the milestones with you. If you aren't the marriage type, he's more than happy to just be together forever. He wants to move in with you right away, he sees no point in "taking things slow". But he'll hold off on some things if it makes you more comfortable. He'll wait as long as it takes.

● Kids are a toss-up for him. He would absolutely see a baby/kid as competition for your affection and want you all to himself, but if a kid (or kids) would be important to you, being a dad would just be another thing he could do to make you happy. At some point, being a parent wouldn't be a job/role for him (a job he'd be happy to do regardless). The first time the child shows him affection, it's like a switch gets flipped. He breaks down, realizing that they're HIS family too, just like you. He becomes an obnoxiously loving and involved dad. Dad Yandere. Daddere.

● If you have (a) beloved pet(s), again, they're competition for your affection. It would be like a "I don't like you and you don't like me, but we both love [y/n]." relationship where he just acts like a big baby when you're loving on your pet and not him. He would never neglect or mistreat them, but you can bet he gloats to them like "Aww, aren't you cute. But [y/n] thinks I'm cuter, yes they do, you little dummy." while giving them scritches. He was never allowed to have a pet growing up so he doesn't "get" why people get so attached.

● He has a tendency to try and isolate you, he wants you all to himself. But this can be negated using his submissive side. If you're the boss, telling him exactly how things are gonna be, rewarding his good behavior or punishing the bad, he's putty in your hands. He can't say no to you.

● If he ever made you upset with him, he would freeze up, panicking at the thought of hurting you. Or worse, losing you. He might try and egg you on to punish him to make up for it, to "make things right". If he ever made you cry? He's in crisis mode. He's crying too, begging you for forgiveness. He's offering anything and everything to make you not hate him.

● He works as a Software Developer from home and does freelance IT work on the side. He's very tech savvy and definitely didn't use his skills to hack into any of your accounts to find out more about you when he was working up the nerve to ask you out. At least not since he confessed. He's better than all that now, of course.

● His yandere traits come out if he's left to his own devices. He gets nervous that you're unhappy with him and acts out by being a brat and trying to keep you home with him. You can lovingly reassure him that you're happy over and over and it helps for a while. But the only thing that quiets his jealous, paranoid brain is putting him in his place, reminding him he belongs to you and only you, punishing his brattiness and telling him he's your good boy.

● Full yandere mode: You try and break up with him. I say "try" because he would be stuck in the denial phase for a good long time. He thinks you're testing him to see how loyal he is, that even you pushing him away can't get rid of him. He hacks your computer and bugs your house, he breaks in to watch you sleep, leaving gifts for you before you wake up. You start dating/flirting with someone else? They get attacked on the street, no witnesses, with a warning to stay away from you or he'll come back to finish the job. If you tell him you're in love with someone else? It won't be long before you can't get ahold of them.

You can try and get rid of him, but he's your good boy, whether you like it or not.

#Jacob #y'all love yur subby yanderes #yandere boy #male yandere oc #yandere male #male yandere #male yandere x reader #male yandere x y/n #yandere #subby yandere #are they still headcanons if it's your own oc? #dunno

[veryinnovative]

Can you please explain seme/uke on jeggy that u dont like? Just curious bcs i didnt know what the term meant 10 mins ago and now i wanna know more about it and your relationship with jegulus on it

alrighty! i must preface this by saying that these are personal observations. I have my own opinions about this sudden shift, which in no way establishes a definitive standard for jeggy characterizations or an attempt to censor shit. if any of the information presented is wrong....please do let me know. I'm mostly using info from here

that aside, time to talk about yaoi and how i can see a trend of the seme/uke dynamic being applied in jegulus's case.

what is seme/uke?

If a fanfic or doujinshi 同人誌 is sexually explicit, pornographic, hentai 変態, and it features gay sex, then anyone with a pair of working eyes can tell who's "top" and who's "bottom" in it. (A harmful rhetoric is that the 'uke' is often perceived as the woman, which makes it worse in this case because Regulus is, afaik, generally written as a transman) Since BL puts less emphasis on sex itself and more on the relationship between characters, one could say that which character is depicted as "top" or "bottom" in the sexual act merely reflects the dynamic of the relationship itself.

as you can see, the influx of nsfw posts has led to a version of jegulus that increasingly conforms to this textbook definition. to reiterate, i am NOT suggesting that this long-established dynamic in the world of BL is inherently 'bad,' but it's something I've observed and, personally, don't find all that appealing. i think there's more to explore, especially when it comes to their sexual relationship, and can't help but feel icky when i keep seeing trans regulus assuming the role of the 'uke'. he's submissive, tiny, troubled, gives up control and submits to james who is dominant, bigger, and for some reason the embodiment of masculinity.

i could also really get into the yaoi-ified aspect of it but i think this speaks for itself:

Homophobic because instead of acknowledging it's a man-man or woman-woman relationship, it pretends it to be a man-woman relationship, which can be taken as heteronormative, promoting the idea that hetero must be normal. And sexist because it attempts to define what is the role of a man and a woman in a relationship. (NO ACCUSATIONS WHATSOEVER HERE, but I do think one must approach a seme/uke dynamic carefully if it involves (trans) regulus and some extent of feminization)

again, this is my personal opinion. i write jegulus switching quite a lot. i write james get his ass eaten out. i write dominant regulus because i like to explore how he exercises control after escaping an environment with restricted freedom. i know I'm the last one to talk considering my lack of knowledge on canon but reducing them to solely seme/uke is just not for me. but!!!! each to their own! I'm not one to yuck someone else's yum :) i just really miss the jeggy i frequently encountered when first joining the fandom last october and the variety of takes I read, that's all

but again, the seme/uke dynamic is a staple so i understand why posts involving the dynamic gain more traction and inevitably end on my dash.

EDIT: @prongsfish <3 addition

#answered #tl;dr i noticed it. it aint for me. reason why i havent been scrolling dash as much

[onegirllis]

So, about the new LIS trailer

It took me some time, but forgive me for the delayed response. I had to dig myself out of the fandom grave to actually look around and notice what the hell was going on. I spent another moment pondering if I still care, and with the answer "barely," I came here to write this post.

1) For whatever reason DickNein (yes, I didn't miss the scandal, who is the nazi now?) still doesn't understand what made LIS 1 so successful. It wasn't the diversity; it wasn't the same copy-paste lines; it wasn't the murder; it wasn't the superheroes from small towns with different powers. It wasn't even the lesbians (I know, shocking!). There were merely a few elements that made LIS special: - Magical Arcadia Bay with its residents - The rewind time superpower, which was one of the best mechanics in narrative games since the genre was born - Max, Chloe, and Rachel (not necessarily in that order), and you need at least two to make it work, preferably with Chloe at least somewhere there. - the specific art style and saturated colors (butchered a bit in BTS but then going full SIMS 4 for the rest of the games) - and most importantly - the soul Sure, DontNod could get away with alteration, to no fanfare and sometimes to no success, but their experiments came from the right place. This shit ain't it.

2) For whatever reason, Chloe is now a dog. I know. I know. I understand. Listen, my fellow comrades, I know how it feels when the devs pull put shit like, "Oh, they were just friends and grew apart, but now she named her squirrel after the love of her high school life".

3) Max had plastic surgery. She also decided to be entirely anonymous so that she looked like everyone else. Every model looks the same, and I hope they will have their names spelled above them as they walk around. Otherwise, I have no idea who is who. Frankly, she looks a little bit like Steph had a lot of fun with the entire cast of Sims 4 and then had a baby.

4) On top of everything, the new Max, however, probably now goes as Maxine, is teaching her Polaroid skills at a university. Now we know we are in an alternative universe all along. I hope the tuition matches the useful photography skill set you obtain there.

5) For any other reason unknown, she can dress up as Chloe, who can be dead (see the Ultimate edition). I know Max has a long tradition of dressing up as dead people, but I hoped it would go away with her Botox and other plastic corrections. But hey, we survived Chloe dressing up as Rachel and cosplaying as her dad, too, so I guess I shouldn't even be surprised. Not that it's a low-budget movie, and they have a limited wardrobe. It's a video game, but the tradition of having a mental stroke is still strong.

6) Oh no, another murder I gotta solve! I shall use my powers. Why now? Is it another girlfriend who is into printing photos? Or is it her student? Or both? Max becoming Jefferson would be a nice twist, even if not loved among the community, but I don't think it would get anywhere that dark. It just will get stupid.

7) This is supposed to be a fanservice a little too late and on the wrong foot. I know y'all missed Max. I didn't, but I understand the hype on seeing her on the screen. Although following a teenager in Arcadia Bay was interesting, simply by the shot of nostalgia with every step, here we are following a middle-aged single art teacher (or someone who looks middle-aged to the point that they decided on fixing their face). NO ONE WANTS TO FOLLOW THEIR ART TEACHERS WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

8) The Nazi problem (well, well, well, the turntables). I know DeckNein had to do some cleanup among their staff. I hope they did, but somehow, I doubt it was done for the right purpose. Therefore, I'm uncomfortable giving them any of my money, now or ever. I know, there are worse studios. I know it's stupid, but LIS was always special, filled with this little genuine spark. It just doesn't feel right.

9) The game has the worst UI in the history of modern gaming.

10) And to finish my rant on something even worse, LIS4 is coming just before DontNod's new game, most likely to compete with it on the market. A bit sus, don't you think?

Anyway, dick move, my friends. All of it. Actually, waving dicks around in the air all along. Despite our differences, this ain't right. And God knows how much worse it could be.

#life is strange #life is strange 4

[toddtakefive]

thinking about todd and his resolve toward… not quite isolation, but being alone in a room full of people again. he goes along to the study room to sit on his own and do his homework, he sits at the poets table and follows along with what’s being said while keeping quiet, he goes to the meetings at all but doesn’t necessarily contribute (in fact, if you watch him when cameron is telling the story ‘from camp in sixth grade’, you can see that he recognizes it before any of the other poets but doesn’t voice it until they all have). he’s not alone, necessarily, if you want to get technical about it, he’s just lonely, and he’s generally okay with that. he doesn’t have friends and that’s fine, he doesn’t participate in class and that’s fine, he doesn’t have a relationship with his family and that’s fine—he could live without any real connection and he’d have been, more or less, fine.

the thing about when he says “i can take care of myself just fine!” is that he isn’t really wrong, you can infer that he’s been doing it his entire life anyway, it’s that ‘taking care of yourself’ isn’t the same thing as really living or being happy. todd’s an introvert, certainly, and even as he gets closer to the group he defaults to sitting quietly in the background, but he’s also denying himself community out of fear not introversion. todd isn’t friendless because he’s an introvert, although that definitely plays a part, he’s friendless because he pushes anyone that might want his company away. if anyone has every wanted for his attention in the first place. (neil’s unwavering interest in him is unique (even when it comes to the rest of the poets, who are fine with todd coming along and joining the group, but aren’t really hellbent on him being there in the beginning) and his refusal to accept it is a direct result of being so lonely growing up.)

there’s obviously something to be said about the implications of his parents neglect, and the more than likely fact that he grew up friendless, and how those both play a part in in him being so skilled at dodging social interaction/being so avoidant of it, but by the time we see him in the movie he’s all but accepted his fate as being alone his entire life. he’s already accepted being the family disappointment, and he’s already accepted he’ll never amount to anything, and he obviously doesn’t like it, but he’d have managed living with that knowledge without the confirmation that it was all wrong. would he have been miserable? almost certainly. but he’d have managed. he’d done it for that long already, anyhow.

#and like obviously it’s BAD in the long run and his isolation IS only making his life worse but… genuinely he’d have been alright #all things considered #it’s super interesting to me how it’s neil who starts the domino effect of todd’s life becoming Less Shit #both by beliving in him and putting faith in him that he’s never seen before and refusing to let him hide away #but it isn’t a savior moment on neil’s part #and i find it so odd when people frame it as one #todd is like… actively irritated at him in that scene 😭 #neil is right that todd needs to get out of his shell and put himself out there and Believe in himself #but todd can’t accept it yet because he can’t see what neil sees in him yet and doesn’t believe it exists at all #and it frustrates him because unlike everyone else neil REFUSES to give up on him #and as far as todds concerned it’ll be for nothing #as far as todd’s concerned ​neil isn’t a savior or a hero in that scene he’s an annoyance #a necessary one in the grand scheme of things but an annoyance all the same #i think people forget that just because todd DOES want to break out of his shell (‘don’t you think you could be?’ / ‘no! i… i don’t know!’ + #‘come on you heard keating don’t you want to *do* something about it?’ / ‘*yes* but…’) doesn’t mean he knows how or believes he actually CAN #todds autonomy can be taken away from him a lot (ironic) and he can be twisted into someone with no opinions or thoughts or whims + #outside of neil but that isn’t really the case #and a part of that blame lands on the movie because todd doesn’t get explored a lot but there’s still evidence of him being his own person #he’s not a yesman and he tells neil when his ideas are stupid (keeping the audition from his father) or he just doesn’t personally agree + #(the entire ‘no’ scene) and he functions perfectly well when neil isn’t around and while they aren’t focuses + #there are short scenes where todds alone or scenes that start eith them apart that make it clear they aren’t attatched to each other + #in the way people can often write them to be (that is in the trenches if the other is missing) #this post and all these tags are my long winded way of saying FUCK the codependent anderperry thing some people subscribe to it makes me #mad #neil’s goal is to help todd grow into himself and become his own person and find his identity more than anything #and todd doesn’t need neil to hold his hand to do literally anything and everything he’s a normal guy with anxiety #come on guys #dps #dead poets society #todd anderson

[exausta-verytired]

this is far from the worse one it's the example I give for not being explicit but like I fully internalized the word "nymphet" when I was young I thought that was a real thing and a normal way of refering to myself because I could tell there was something different between me and the normal happy kids but I didn't know how to say "adultification, religious racism and anticomunism made men objectify me and the fact I was already 'broken' made them comfortable enough with just being another rapist instead of the first one" so I just used that instead

#which was the LEAST offensive narrative about me the sex demon brought as divine punishment for my family was hmmm a choice from neighbours #just... can we think a little about what the word grooming implies #I had it good it wasn't incest #'had it good' might be dramatic I just mean breaking narratives that justify abuse it's even harder when it comes from the household #I've worked with many girls who explained me what they thought of as 'father-daughter caress' #but don't worry I don't rank trauma me and my ex has that weird competitions of 'you had the more fucked up childhood' it did wonders for m #so whenever I say 'at least it wasn't incest' i can hear his delulu voice right next to me saying 'oh yeah? having only one rapist is #objectively better than multiple. I'm a man you're a woman. checkmate!' okay babyboy that works so well about your bio father you live with #weird insane teenage rage would never allow anyone else to talk about me like he does but it was good for us #because the real joke is you can invalidate any victim about how it was 'not that bad' if you talk long enough which people do #but I'm going on too many tangents today #but if there's too things I've learnt is that you can be traumatised by sex you technically 'consented' to #but also every rape victim feels guilty about 'participating' too much especially when it's a repeated abuser #and we blame ourselves for stuff we recognise as manipulation/threats/coercion easily when it's someone else #my will to delete this one versus the fact every time I mention our worse fight me going 'oh yeah cuz an 8 year old would win an argument #against his only parent that is threatening the other kids' versus him 'oh but you should win at 10 against the man who threatened to arrest #your father' and me screaming 'DIFFERENT' but having my brain rewritten... has had people telling me 'thats helpful' more than once ugh #also i fucking hate the way rapists talk to children I cant count on a single hand how many cases of 'entertain me or I cant promise I wont #do anything to the younger ones' I have PERSONALLY witnessed. #.txt

[gothhabiba]

.

#the spelling thing is actually a little hurtful lmao #I've held off on voice-to-text for so long because I'm wary of the tech that makes it possible #(read: capitalist or fascist / police state uses for said tech) #but also I know it makes errors of homophone usage and other seeming malapropisms common #but even without it my hands are getting worse--I have to type lying down which makes my wrists worse #I'm tired and foggy so much of the time and making spelling and grammatical errors that I never used to make #and as someone trying to express sometimes not super sj 101 ideas--I know how much that relies on your seeming 'intelligence' #as far as people's willingness to listen to you #and as a person of colour I also know how white people get about you speaking 'their' languages #and how a mistake will hurt your credibility much faster than it would hurt someone else's #and I spend a lot of time and effort going back and correcting things my hands have messed up #even when it puts me in more pain. also because like I'm concerned about people who use screenreaders #idk there's no easy answer but surely we can agree that 'you misspelled something therefore you don't know what you're talking about' #is just mean-spirited on so many levels. lol

[cheekblush]

had to leave work early bc of severe cystitis pain >:(

#this is my first time having one and i never knew that it hurts soooo bad 😭 #i'm glad i got to leave work early bc i hate working saturdays in general but i also feel guilty bc someone else had to come in & finish.. #.. my shift until 8 pm 🙃 #i really thought i could pull through but after 5 hours i just couldn't take the pain anymore even with painkillers #but now i'll get work time deficit again which is such bullshit #i really want to apply for another job bc there are so many things that bother me and are just plain unfair #and the long saturdays kill me i literally have no free time i'm always exhausted #but if i leave before my contract ends i'll have to pay back the scholarship i received.. #a few days ago a colleague that worked there for almost 14 years also quit bc she couldn't take it anymore #she did so much and to now have her leave.. it's just getting worse and worse #☁️

[bangcakes]

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#uh.... LOL so yada yada yada u know what im gonna talk about JDJDJD GOD HELP ME #i just realized........... that u know. usually on the 15th (bc timezones) im like super hype bc sjs birthday #but LMAO........ i so happen to be seeing.... my .... crusheroo on that day so Zjxjdjkdkdkd HOW LIFE CHANGES WOW #i didnt realize til i saw a bday (old) set of sj n i was like WAIT FUCK DID I MISS HIS BDAY. ONLY TO REALIZE. IT WAS THE SAME DAY.... #hhhh but god. ya i did it. i survived a whole month without seeing him. but like bc we message or whatever occasionally (and my #frequent daydreaming lets be real) it didnt feel that long !!! wow !! proud !!@ #like realistically i knew i could do it bc i went like. 4 months without seeing him JDJJDJDJDJD #god imagine. i spent the whole summer trying to get over him. only to see him 1 time n have everything come back #but WORSE. BC. RECIPROCATION????????? #god lmao. feel like im never gonna be over this. feel like i could even be married to him everyday n id be like WOW HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???? #shits so weird idk. idk. im just NDJJDJDJDJD HOW DO WE GET TO THE NEXT STEP #BUT AT THE SAME TIME. I SHOULD GET TO KNOW HIM BETTER. GOD ITS SO DJFJFKKFKDKDKDKKD #like this is what its like to really like someone huh. all those other crushes i had were like.... a 0 in comparison #like wtf is this. when everyone else had crushes and liked ppl is This what they meant. jfc #idk if i could go thru this again JDJDJJDJDJD. hope hes it. ya #id promise to save everyone n never talk about this again but we both know thats not gonna happen ANDNDNDNDND #personal