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#and now hes finally animated in season 5
dazais-guardian-angel · 8 months
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Chapter 110 is 13 pages long welcome to hell!!! so in a lot of ways this is just more fuel for a theory that I've had for a few weeks now, that's only gotten stronger with each recent season 5 episode, which is that the last episode of the season is gonna end on 110, and that Asagiri/Harukawa and Bones have been collaborating to make this happen, specifically because it's a major turning point that would be the only good place to end the season on.
When we started getting especially long chapters again (like from 25-35ish pages, with the exception of 107.5, the last two being some of the longest we've ever had), at first I just assumed that Asagiri/Harukawa got freed up from some other obligations they'd been having to cause the extremely short/half chapters, like promotional stuff for the anime/Beast movie, or working on light novels. But then 109 happened, with the "supposed" death of Dazai, and heavy emphasis at the end on how literally everyone is at their lowest point right now, and I got to thinking. 11 episodes is a strangely specific number for an anime season -- why not 12, or 13, or even 10, like you'd usually see? Why have we gotten suddenly gotten two 35 page chapters out of nowhere, that's almost unheard of at this point? They're both beautiful chapters, don't get me wrong (as always), and maybe A/H simply just didn't want to cut them in halves because they felt like the full emotional impact wouldn't hit/that there were no good cutoff points in them, but you can't deny that it's surprising, after all the shorter chapters we've been getting. Why has the anime been going at such insanely breakneck pacing for the most part ever since around the Sunday Tragedy chapters, even more so than it has in the past? So much so that it feels dangerously close to overtaking the manga?
Well, maybe, just maybe, it's because..... Asagiri decided a long time ago that whatever happens in 110 is the only point that feels "season finale"-worthy enough, in an arc that still isn't anywhere close to being completely wrapped up, and so both the manga and the anime have been specifically coordinated to reach that part within 2 and a half weeks of each other?
I've seen a lot of people now think season 5 will end with 109, and as much as my sadistic side would find that hilarious, I honestly don't think they'd do that and realistically don't want it to happen; it'd be so cruel to cliffhanger the anime for years like that, and just doesn't feel like a season cliffhanger BSD would do, a series that is ultimately hopeful and uplifting. Seasons 2 and 3 had a positive, conclusive ending; the only reasons seasons 1 and 4 didn't was because they're technically not really full seasons of their own, and are more like the first cour of another "season" that also came out that same year (seasons 1 and 2 both aired in 2016, so they're more like one big season, and seasons 4 and 5 have both aired this year, so they're also more like one big season, again taking into account how episodes 12 and 50 are not satisfying finales like episodes 24, 37, and hypothetically, 61, are). I really can't see season 5 ending with Dazai and Fukuzawa's supposed deaths, Sigma being unconscious and maybe close to death, Atsushi being vulnerable and limbless again, everyone we love still vampires, and the entire world being basically doomed; that's just too depressing and not like BSD at all. However, having said that, if it doesn't end there, there really isn't any good place to end the season before that, either, that feels in any way satisfying or like a finale at all. And so, to me, that only leaves after 109: chapter 110.
I think things are really gonna turn around next chapter. Like I said, everyone is at their lowest point right now, it cannot possibly get any worse, the framing of Dazai, Fukuzawa, and sskk at the end of 109 is telling us that; this is the time for the heroes to finally start winning again, with Aya being so close to pulling out the sword, and for all the thematic reasons other people have talked about to death that I don't need to go into here again. This upcoming chapter being so short again makes a part of me wary of 110 being "the one", so to speak, I won't lie, but at the same time, it's very possible that it needs to be that short because that's all the final episode of the season will be able to reasonably fit in, since it's already gonna be VERY close if they do make it all the way to 109. And at the end of the day, I don't doubt at all that Asagiri and Harukawa can make these the most monumental and game-changing mere 13 pages ever if they wanted to; a chapter does not at all need to be extremely long in order to be an important and impactful one, even if short ones we've gotten in the past haven't felt the most important.
An additional thought I've had, though this is much more crack territory than all this already is, is that since we know from Anime Expo that a Stormbringer movie at some point is highly likely (judging from Asagiri's reaction when someone brought it up), it's possible that chapter 110 and thus the final episode will involve the long-anticipated return of Verlaine and/or Adam, or at least some other major reference to Stormbringer, that would naturally and smoothly lead into a Stormbringer movie to explain things to people who haven't read the novel. It would make a lot of sense, especially since the s4 OP has the Old World sign behind Chuuya, which might be a hint that this has been in the works ever since seasons 4/5 were first in planning with Asagiri. We also know that Dazai and Chuuya's voice actors apparently struggled to record their lines together this season, which probably relates to 101 and possibly 109, but it could be 110 too.... I could be very wrong, as I'm no expert on this kind of thing, but I kinda doubt they would bring Chuuya's actor in for just the vampire growls, and Asagiri placing heavy emphasis on Chuuya's importance this season in that one interview gives me the impression that he's talking about much more than just 101/109. But that's the least solid evidence I have, that's just mostly based on vibes I get.
So basically, I think a lot of factors -- the unusual episode count, how close the anime is to catching up to the manga with three whole episodes left, the seemingly arbitrary recent chapter lengths, and the climactic events of 109 -- can tell us that 110 might be a very, VERY big deal. Again, there's of course no way this arc is anywhere near close to being finished, with so much left to address and resolve, but since it is currently incomplete in the manga, unlike the previously adapted arcs, if the anime was going to adapt it at all, they'd have to find a place that feels satisfying enough to end this season, knowing there won't be more anime for a long time after this, and so I think they specifically planned for that, from both Bones' and A/H's sides. 10 episodes might not have been enough to reach that point, but 12 or 13 might have been too many it wouldn't have been if Bones actually decided to slow down and let the story breathe the way it needs to, but this post isn't meant to criticize the anime, so maybe 11 was just right. And maybe Asagiri and Harukawa specifically pushed to make recent chapters longer than usual, in order to make sure that the manga reached the story content in 110 the monthly release right before season 5 was to end.
Is this just copium? Absolutely. Am I going to look like an absolute clown in two days when this post ages like milk? Probably. But the evidence is There, so let me just enjoy my delusions until Sunday, okay 🥂🫡
#bungou stray dogs#seriously call me a clown and point and laugh at me if I'm proven wrong all you want#but I really feel like there's solid evidence for this#either s5 isn't gonna reach 109 at all (but I seriously cannot fathom where you would want to stop before then) or they'll go beyond it#if they really do end it with 109....... well i'll give Bones kudos for having the balls to do that ig lol#maybe i'm underestimating (overestimating???) them idk#also just to clarify I don't wanna make it sound like I think Asagiri let the anime/Bones dictate the manga's pacing#like I'm sure these were his/their (him and Harukawa's) own decisions first and foremost#not that (if this theory is true) the anime had a major impact on how the chapters were split and that it-#-would have been extremely different otherwise#i'm pretty confident in that Asagiri does not do anything with BSD he isn't comfortable with#and he doesn't let anyone tell him how to write his story#I just feel like he worked with Bones to make this near-simultaneous release happen#BUT if this is the case I don't feel like it had any major effect on the writing/final product that is the manga#like the last handful of chapters have been so incredible#so I at least am still perfectly happy lol#(i mean i'm devastated and a nervous wreck but u know 🫡 in a good way lmao)#anyway 110 in two days please let this theory be true because I need some fucking hope already#please let Oda show up as Dazai's guardian angel to help (see what I did there-)#it would be the perfect way to end the collective season that is 4/5 with s4 beginning with Oda and now ending with Oda#Asagiri are you reading me are you picking up what I'm putting down please please a ghost Oda is long overdue please-#Oda Verlaine Adam just GIVE ME SOMEONE ALREADY 😭😭😭#MAYBE EVEN A TASTE OF THE FYODOR BACKSTORY TO TIE INTO HIM BEING IN ANIME UNTOLD ORIGINS. THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS
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radioves · 1 year
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its quite shrimple actually
#[Intro: Docm77] Listen Grian Nobody touches my bush You're done [Verse 1: Docm77] It all started when Grian touched my redstone He played#himself like a xylophone set on automatic Doc Monster is a savage‚ with technical skills And crazy vocal acrobatics I’m a legend of NHO‚#with Etho‚ Beef and Double O DocMC is coming for you sevenfold Got Rendog and other firemen To douse the flames that you shoot at this#To douse the flames that you shoot at this leviathan Iskall can try again [Verse 2: Wels & Xisuma] Yo You think i’m hiding‚ I’m just biding#my time Putting pen to paper‚ coming up with rhymes We’re the star-studded group that got together just to crush you Once we start something#you know we're gonna see it through I'm the knight‚ the soldier who brings the fight at first light Y'all had to incite‚ so now I gotta#indict You're guilty of getting murdered with words Y'all are out-gunned‚ go home nerds Wohoo [Chorus: All] Hermit Gang Hermit Gang Hermit#Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang Hermit#Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang [Verse 3: False & Xisuma] If you think you can stop the symmetry‚ that's false G Team is dialing for help‚#but I'm ignoring their calls And when their bodies dissolve‚ you’ll know that False’s on a killing spree Try to stop my pvp and perish#painfully I'm the queen of hearts‚ heads and body parts Your diamond armor can’t compare to my martial arts I'll send a poison dart‚ to make#you breathe your final breath G Team's name will be the only thing left Yeah [Verse 4: Impulse] Caffeinated‚ animated‚ redstone innovator My#behavior's crazy‚ can’t phase me‚ impulse is never lazy (Uh) Tango‚ why would you betray me‚ now my scope is aiming (What) Without a sound‚#without no hesitation‚ my creations are amazing Better watch your step or the G Team will end up blazing Who's the better team? There is no#controversy But before it's said and done you'll be begging us for mercy (All-right) [Chorus: All] Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚#Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang#Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang [Verse 5: Xisuma] X gone give it to ya‚ I'm gone give it to ya X gone give it to ya‚ WHAT Lyrical boxing‚ dropping#blows on all my foes And the G Team they're looking unclean needing some sunscreen Getting burnt by words to hurt this herd of nerds It’s#absurd how my rhymes got them injured Danger‚ danger I got lasers to cut 'em up like razors It's flexin' season and I got flavor Their#Their weak defenses like trenches and fences That these dense heads are presenting [Bridge: Xisuma & Docm77] They're presenting them alright#they're not very good I could walk over that‚ I could jump over that I could use an ender pearl I could use my elytra Come on G Team‚ jeeze#Yo‚ I don't know what to say Um‚ let me think [Chorus: All] Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang#Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang [Verse 6:#Rendog] Now I'm back‚ got some things I wanna say (Yeah) Whats the letter that starts the alphabet‚ Ay Ladies gotta get in line‚ the#diggity's be on the way (Cliff) Cleo dont know who she freaking with (Ooh) All the signs say to notify her next of kin This diggity dog be#dropping bombs‚ nothing but hits (Ay) Spit that rhyme again (brrr)‚ 'cause the message is I can mumble rap and still be the best there is#(Woo-ah) [Chorus: All] Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang#Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang Hermit Gang‚ Hermit Gang [Outro: Mumbo] Oh you wanted me to do a verse? I’ll#I'll have to check with G Team- I mean uh‚ I'd have to‚ I'll have to check with my schedule And see if I can...see if I'm able to do that#sort of thing I'm a busy guy‚ got lots of ....things to do Yeah‚ I mean‚ I just don't know if its a good idea for me to be part of this song
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starscreaming666 · 1 year
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I keep thinking about this one time at work when I was having just an absolute shit of a time and I went to take the green bin outside and I got out to see these massive flakes of snow falling so softly and I remembered the joys of being alive
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novalizinpeace · 3 months
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Have been a time since i had made a full post for the cartoon critters, so time to give them some love
I present to you... The Smiling Critters's Family Tree
1- Dogday & Catnap - Queen Gaia
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''Everybody call her your highness, but for us, mom is just mom''
Her introduction in the cartoon is a surprise for everybody, since nobody knew Catnap & Dogday were actually sibling (even when the two refer to the other as brother, they thought it was a best friend thing), even less knew they were princes! Queen Gaia is a calm, motherly figure, but after lost her husband in a war with another kingdom, she decide to hide her two babies from the public, and when they became old enough to have a pendant, let them live with their people in hope to teach them to overcome their weakness (arrogance in Catnap and cowardice in Dogday). Her original pendant was able to move both the sun and the moon, but she divide it to let her sons the responsability (the one she have now is a fake one, something important for the season finale of the cartoon)
2-Picky & Kickin - Mr. Piggy
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''Our dad is the best!'' ''No comparation needed!''
Mr. Piggy isn't a recurrent character in the cartoon, making his debut in Kickin's birthday just to tell the story of how he found a egg with legs running around his farm (all the episode is basically a retell of the poor pigman trying to catch the egg while also having her daughter in his back). He's a good apple, loving dad that enjoy spend time with his kids, been cooking something with Picky (he teach her about healthy ingredients) or going fishing with Kickin (is the only calm activity Kickin can do without get bored). The Apple pendant was originally his, while the star pendant was found by the own Kickin.
3- Bubba - Mr. and Mrs Tiny
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''I'm just... A tiny Bubbaphant''
The stork made a mistake, and Bubba end up with two parents that only shared with him the big ears, but not for this the Tiny couple stop loving their son, nor Bubba stop looking at his parents as the best he could have. Their debut is subtle, and they don't have a lot of relevance in the cartoon, but is funny to see them from time to time over Bubba's head in a event.
4- Bobby - The Bearhug Family
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''Don't worry! They don't bite, i teach them not to''
Yep, Bobby come from a ''wild'' family. Their debut episode talk about the differences between a ''critter'' and a ''wild'' (basically, any real animal is a wild in this cartoon), been the whole episode a explication of how Bobby become the critter she's now (and how she got her pendant).
5-Hoppy - The Hopscotch sibling
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''We're a team! A team that hops together stay together!''
There's no a debut of Hoppy's parents, but it's implied that they're still alive, just really busy. Meanwhile, her sibling show up from time to time, been as background characters, or with their our episode, been two: one where Hoppy is wants to participate in a sibling deportive event and can't find the perfect harmony with any of her sibling ('cause none of them are as sporty as her), and one where she need to babysit Huppy, but the lil' troublemaker end up causing troubles for all the critters. In the sibling event it explain that Hoppy got her pendant from her big sister, 'cause she wasn't able to control the power like it was suppose to.
6-Craftycorn - King Canvas
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''I... had never been enough for him...''
No showing his full design yet, but only leaving something clear: he's a villain, having his debut in the season finale, but there's mentions of him around all the cartoon, incluying the implication of him killing Queen Gaia's husband. Craftycorn isn't a big fan of her dad.
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notscarsafe · 3 months
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OKAY SO what with the TWO new Hermits implied by the updated banner I will say that, though the Skizz truthers have me convinced, I now have room to do my own crazy red string monologue and throw my hat in for my choice
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1) Mythical J. Sausage (the J is silent) is a multitalented S-tier builder that absolutely deserves to be shoulder to shoulder with the Hermits. The man does buildings, interiors, terraforming, custom trees, and he does them SO WELL.
2) The production values!!! Beautiful replay mod sequences with shifting camera perspectives, shaders, music that sets the tone for each segment that's different from series to series. He already has more than a million followers on YouTube and for good reason!!
3) He has been SO consistent lately. He started a hardcore world about three months ago (about the time you might expect the Hermits to finalize their s10 choices maybe...???) and already has 15 episodes and hasn't gotten involved in any other big content. (He did just start playing a little of the BCG server but from what I understand that's super casual /copium copium copium).
4) That hardcore world is conveniently about to reach a good "pause" point. He started his world on a cherry blossom biome island that he's filled with a medieval village and starter farms, he's said it's almost full and what's left is the castle. I'm guessing the new season will start the first week of February, so if Sausage puts out a video this week building out that Castle and finishing that island it will be MIGHTY CONVENIENT TIMING.
5) This man can GRIND. His Hardcore world hasn't even been going half a year and he's built... So much??? Magnificent! And when he was on the Hermitcraft server he did the Razorcrest for scar AND the player head baby yoda/stormtrooper merch AND the noteblock themesong AND still built in the xmas village and other "diamond of peace" and so many other shenanigans. Did the man even sleep? He can grind with the best of them.
6) He can do redstone, too! Maybe not unique designs, I honestly don't know, but he builds farms for build materials no problem.
7) The DRAMA this man loves his improv and his backstory and trauma lore! For every series he does! Can you imagine if he gets to interact with Ren for an extended period of time, what that would do to them, to us?? Give Martyn a run for his money!!
8) Which brings me to my next point, which is that Sausage is already One of The Gang, because he's been in series with so many of the Hermits already! Empires and the crossover, obviously, but also Pirates with Cleo and Origins with Scar, and he's even done MCC! Joel is the only other player with the same depth of different series but there are other people truthing him already.
9) The EPIC BROMANCE with Pearl. My god the devotion of this man to his sunflower goddess bestie. I would try to do ot justice but y'all have seen floweroflaurelins work, you already know.
10) He's already a PG streamer but with HILARIOUSLY PG-13 tendencies. Imagine him and Cleo cracking each other up at an HHH stream, *grips your shoulders* IMAGINE IT.
11) Sausage comes with his own mascot in the form of interdimensional dog extraordinaire Bubbles, but he's also just an animal lover on general. Mans drinks his "I love Jellie" juice and had her in his world even before the sad news of her loss.
12) Diversity win! No one should be hired just for their gender, race, sexuality etc etc unless it's truly necessary to the job, but we were all happy when more women got added to the server in s8 and I know a lot of people would be happy to see some ethnic diversity added, too.
... That bulletin board had a lot more pins in it than I thought it did but anyway MYTHICALSAUSAGE TRUTHERS/ALL OTHER TRUTHERS RISE UP SPEAK YOUR TRUTH! we'll only get to wildly speculate for a few weeks so we might as well make it everyone else's problem ENJOY IT TO THE FULLEST!!
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afeelgoodblog · 10 months
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The Best News of Last Week - June 26, 2023
1. California's Lake Oroville now at 100% capacity following megadrought; 1st time since 2019
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Once a stark example of the drastic effects of California's yearslong megadrought, Lake Oroville has rebounded and is once again filled to capacity, data from the state's Department of Water Resources shows.
Lake Oroville, the state's most beleaguered and second-largest reservoir, is at 100% of its total capacity and 127% of where it should be around this time of year - a huge boost after the climate-change-fueled megadrought sucked away nearly all its water supply.
2. Blue whales are thriving in California waters – the story of their amazing comeback
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If you’ve recently taken a Southern California whale-watching tour, you may have been lucky enough to come across earth’s largest animal. Pacific blue whales grow up to 110 feet long and can reach a weight of 200 tons. Decades ago, blue whales were nearly hunted to extinction, and although still listed as protected under the Endangered Species Act, marine biologists and researchers are heralding a “conservation success story,” unlike any other.
According to a study published in 2014 by researchers at the University of Washington, the West Coast blue whale population has bounced back at tremendous levels, recouping 97% of its pre-whaling population
3. Newborn left in Florida Safe Haven Baby Box adopted by the firefighter who found her
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Zoey is now 5 months old. Courtesy Zoey's family
A firefighter in Ocala, Florida, was pulling an overnight shift at the station in January when he was awakened at 2 a.m. by an alarm. He recognized the sound immediately. A newborn had been placed in the building’s Safe Haven Baby Box, a device that allows someone to safely and anonymously surrender a child — no questions asked.
“To be honest, I thought it was a false alarm,” said the firefighter, who wished to remain anonymous to protect his family’s privacy. But when he opened the box, he discovered a healthy infant wrapped in a pink blanket.
That baby would become his daughter, Zoey.
4. Iceland suspends whale hunt on animal welfare concerns
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Iceland's government said Tuesday it was suspending this year's whale hunt until the end of August due to animal welfare concerns, likely bringing the controversial practice to a historic end.
"I have taken the decision to suspend whaling" until August 31, Food Minister Svandis Svavarsdottir said in a statement. The country's last remaining whaling company, Hvalur, had previously said this would be its final season as the hunt has become less profitable.
5. He wanted to pet dogs for his 100th birthday. Hundreds lined up.
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Alison Moore had a unique idea to celebrate her father's 100th birthday: a pet parade filled with as many dogs as possible. Her father, Robert Moore, has always adored dogs and wanted to pet every one he saw. So, Alison took to social media and invited the community to join in the festivities. Little did she know that over 200 dogs and their owners would gather for the heartwarming event.
The parade brought immense joy not only to Robert but also to attendees like Rodger, who has Alzheimer's disease, and his daughter Denise, who hadn't seen her father smile so much in a long time. It was a day filled with wagging tails, smiling faces, and love that made Robert's milestone birthday an unforgettable celebration.
6. Historic decision: Estonia legalizes same-sex marriage
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Tuesday, the Estonian government has survived a vote of no confidence in the Riigikogu tied to amendments to the Family Law Act and related legislation, which is granting same-sex couples the legal right to wed. 55 members of the Riigikogu voted in favor of the measure, while 34 voted against.
It is proposed that the institution of marriage, as defined by family law, be modified so that  any two natural persons of legal age, regardless of gender, may marry. The words "man and woman" will be replaced with the words "two natural persons."
7. US approves chicken made from cultivated cells, the nation's first 'lab-grown' meat
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For the first time, U.S. regulators on Wednesday approved the sale of chicken made from animal cells, allowing two California companies to offer “lab-grown” meat to the nation’s restaurant tables and eventually, supermarket shelves.
The Agriculture Department gave the green light to Upside Foods and Good Meat, firms that had been racing to be the first in the U.S. to sell meat that doesn’t come from slaughtered animals — what’s now being referred to as “cell-cultivated” or “cultured” meat as it emerges from the laboratory and arrives on dinner plates.
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That's it for this week :)
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weretiger-be-my-horse · 7 months
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so a while ago i read a theory on reddit (can't recall the user, sorry) that said that asagiri purposely shortened the manga chapters after season 4 was released so that the anime adaptation caught up to the manga. if you are a manga reader, you already know this is true and that season 5 episode 11 goes in fact beyond the manga plot.
this reddit user gave various reasons for this. one (and perhaps the most plausible one) said that it was to force manga readers to watch the season 5 finale. but i think i recall that another option may have been to tie up the manga and the anime, since parallel worlds have a special and pivotal role in bsd (we literally have the beast universe there) and therefore asagiri would be treating the manga and anime storylines as parallel worlds/universes.
and i can't help but worry because i was so relieved when dazai and fukuzawa came out of the conflict alright and everyone started to wake up. we got the detectives back, the hunting dogs (except for yosano, tachihara and jouno) and some port mafia members such as akutagawa and chuuya. both enemies (fyodor and fukuchi) were defeated AND killed. this puts the entirety of the fandom at ease.
the last few seconds of the episode show atsushi and akutagawa fighting against an ame-no-gozen wielder, who has fukuchi's scars and is also wearing a mask similar to the one he's wearing in an official art. so it's HEAVILY hinted that it's him.
now, the thing is, what if the manga takes another direction? what if that fukuchi is there because in the manga the ada loses and fukuchi/fyodor uses the book to jump into the reality where they don't win, which is the anime?
like now we manga readers are sort of relieved because the anime showed us how the arc ends, right? we just watched it. we will read that in the october chapter, right?
but what if
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sattlersquarry · 18 days
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the great divide (steve harrington x fem!reader)
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Summary: (Post Season 4 AU, the sequel to orange juice) After your miraculous return to the land of the living, you aren't doing well.
Word Count: ~12k
Warnings: 18+ PLEASE!!!! for language, anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation. The reader has panic attacks and intrusive thoughts about Not Wanting To Be Alive. If that will be triggering for you please don't read this (read my happier bloom series instead). there's also an allusion to a relapse, slut-shaming, and allusions to sex (although there's no smut, it just gets slightly steamy). this fic is angst + hurt/comfort with an optimistic ending. inspired by noah kahan's music (including this amazing demo on instagram).
a/n: please let me know if i missed any warnings. please don't read this if you think it will be too triggering. the last thing i want is to make someone upset! but writing this was cathartic and helped me work through some things, i think. writing is magical!
🫀🫀🫀
THE GREAT DIVIDE
SOMETIME IN 1987
You aren’t sure how long it’s been since you last saw your friends. It feels like a fucking long time.
You woke up on the ground of the Upside Down, covered in dried blood and terrified at the sight of Vecna towering above you.
He brought you back to life. He wanted to send you back home and use you as a soldier and spy, the same thing he did to Will, Billy, Heather, and countless others.
“If you do this,” Vecna had growled, “You can once again see your family. Your friends. Your beloved Steven. Otherwise…you will die here.”
You refused, not interested in being his lackey. He tried to flay you anyway, but he was weak from the hell Nancy, Steve, and Robin rained down on him, allowing you to escape his clutches.
He stalked you for days, finally catching up to you—but you got the upper hand, using Eddie’s spear to stab him. Repeatedly.  
Killing Vecna caused the gates he opened to sew themselves back shut before you could get through. You were glad that your friends no longer had to worry about Vecna and his army of monsters pouring through the four gates, but it meant you were trapped on the wrong side of the universe.
Vecna gone meant the Upside Down could revert back to what it was before he arrived. Now, the sky of the Upside Down was a buttery yellow, and it was much warmer. You saw patches of green grass and flowers starting to grow in various spots around town. But it still felt like a nightmare.
You wander the Upside Down each day with a routine: avoid monsters, forage for food and clean water, and visit the gates to see if any of them reopened. Food and water aren’t as hard to find as you feared, since the world isn’t so much of a poison, desolate nightmare anymore. But the gates stay staunchly shut, much to your chagrin.
You miss your life. You miss Steve. You miss his laugh, his smile, his kisses, his touch. You would do ungodly things to see him again.
You hope he’s okay. Any time you want to give up, you remind yourself that if roles were reversed, Steve would keep fighting to come back to you no matter what.
And, to your pleasant surprise, he does just that.
🫀🫀🫀
AUGUST 1987
It’s been three months since you returned to the land of the living. You’re not taking it well.
Surviving the Upside Down meant constantly being in fight-or-flight, scrambling to find food and clean water while avoiding demo-creature attacks. Without Vecna’s evil influence, the animals weren’t so bloodthirsty—but they still needed to eat.
You were able to avoid them, surviving yourself off disgusting canned food from the Upside Down’s version of the Big Buy and whatever houses you ransacked. It wasn’t very appetizing. It made the meal you were serving up today seem like a 5-star, 5-course delight.
It was neither of those things. It was for a church potluck that your mother had a hand in throwing. Lots of casseroles and carbs. She dragged you along to volunteer in hopes to get you out of the house.
Ever since you left the hospital in May, you’d only ever left the house to go to doctor’s appointments, therapy appointments, and Steve’s place. Your parents wanted to encourage more of a well-rounded life and schedule, and although they’d never admit it, you figured they hoped you’d turn back to your normal self. To the person you were before it all happened.
You think she might have died.
As you plate some macaroni and cornbread for your next patron, you sense eyes on you. You glance over and see two women at a table a few feet away. To your chagrin, they’re gossiping about you.
“I mean, it’s appalling,” an old bat named Shirley hisses. “She claims to have lost her memory after the earthquake and gotten lost, but it’s obvious that she just ran away.”  
“Probably thought she was grown up, that she knew better than her parents,” Mildred says with a sniff, adjusting her too-big glasses.
“I can’t believe she left poor Steve Harrington high and dry,” Shirley adds.
Your heart clenches at the fact that these women see you as a villain, as an irresponsible idiot who up and left everyone who loved her out of spite. If they knew the truth…if they knew the nightmare you’d survived…
It only gets worse from there.
“You know what Cynthia told me?” Mildred says. “That her cousin’s roommate’s friend’s brother saw Y/N working a street corner in Manassas. It's just shameful.”
Anger burns through you, hot like hellfire. So, what? You’re not just a flake—you’re a slut to this people now, too? What happened to ‘loving thy neighbor’ and ‘forgiveness’ and all that shit?
“Can I get some more of that?” an elderly man says.
It snaps you back to your task at hand: dishing out food to hungry churchgoers.
“Ah, yeah,” you say. You dump macaroni on his Styrofoam plate. “Sorry. Here you go.”
The man smiles and ambles off. You take a deep breath and try your best to tune out the whispers of the chattering hens.
Your mother must notice the scowl on your face. She makes her way to you, practically floating, as graceful as ever. She’s totally in her element. She deserves a daughter who doesn’t clomp and stumble her way through life. Who doesn’t jump at every loud noise and sleep with a hunting knife under her pillow.
“Doing all right?” your mother asks you, giving you that sympathetic look that you think you might despise by now.
You muster up a smile of your own and nod.
Your mother can’t tell its fake and beams.
“See?” she says. “I knew getting you out of the house would turn that frown upside-down!”
She doesn’t know about the Upside Down. She thinks you got injured in the earthquake, stumbled through the Indiana woodlands, and got found by cops two states over. That you couldn’t remember where you came from due to amnesia, that since they pronounced you dead no one assumed you were the missing girl from Hawkins until your memories came back.
You let her comment slide and fake a smile, figuring it’s better to pretend you’re fine than feel it all.
🫀🫀🫀
That night, you chat with Steve on the phone. He’s gone back to college for the fall semester and you miss him terribly.
He promised he’d come back to Hawkins every other weekend. He knows how hard it’s been for you coming back. Or, he says he knows. Sometimes, you get the idea that he doesn’t really understand.
How could he? Every time he tries to get you to open up about what happened and what you went through, you shut down.
However, when he asks how your day was, you decide to be honest.
“It sucked,” you say. You blow out a huff of air. “These old crones were being total bitches at the church potluck. Apparently, the new conspiracy theory is that I was turning tricks in Virginia.”
“Ugh, I’m so sorry Y/N,” Steve says. For some reason, the sympathy in his voice makes you wince.
“But it’s fine,” you say quickly. “I don’t care what they say about me.”
There’s a pause on the other end of the line.
“It’s okay if you do, you know,” Steve says, speaking slowly and carefully as if he’s worried about setting you off. (For good reason; you’ve been prone to outbursts of anger lately.)
“I know!” you say, defensiveness seeping into your tone. “But I don’t give a shit. Really.”
“Good,” Steve says. But he sounds unconvinced. “You shouldn’t.”
Another pause. It lasts a little too long for your liking. You clear your throat.
“I should probably shower and head to bed,” you say. “It’s been a long day.”
“Yeah, totally,” Steve says. You don’t understand why he sounds almost intrigued by the prospect of your boring nighttime routine until he says, “A shower with you sounds like heaven right now…”
Shit. You’re really not in the mood for phone sex. Even if that’s not what Steve is angling for, just slightly flirty banter doesn’t sound fun to you either.
Steve has been a total gentleman ever since you got back. You’ve kissed a little, but anytime he tries to take it further, you stop him. As much as you longed for him in every sense while in the Upside Down, you don’t feel ready to re-engage in those kinds of activities—like you’ve been shot back to the insecure, unconfident person you were before you started dating Steve.
He respects those boundaries and never, ever presses for more. But you worry he’s getting bored and wants to get back into old habits, possibly evidenced by his shower comment.
You’re a coward. You don’t tell him outright that you’re not in the mood, afraid he’ll have an out-of-character reaction and chew you out for being a prude or a tease.
“Huh?” you say. Steve starts to repeat his salacious comment, but you interrupt with: “Bad…connection…can’t…better…”
You hang up the phone and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.
🫀🫀🫀
OCTOBER 1987
It’s a Thursday in October, and you’re taking a trip for the first time in a long time.
“You have everything you need?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Toothbrush? Extra socks? Lambchop?”
You huff and roll your eyes, crossing your arms like a petulant teenager.
“Mom! I’m an adult. I do not need a stuffed animal.”
“But you packed her, right?”
You mumble out a “Yes” as she pulls up to the parking lot near Steve’s apartment building.
You applied for spring admission at the University of Indiana. Your lovely boyfriend invited you to stay with him for a few days so he could show you around campus for homecoming weekend.
Tonight is the unofficial campus tour with “Tour Guide Steve.” Tomorrow, you’ll help him and his friends put the finishing touches on a homecoming parade float, and Saturday is the big football game.
Before your disappearance and assumed death, your parents were insanely strict about you staying the night with Steve and wouldn’t have allowed it. Now, they’ve mellowed out—but you hate thinking it’s because of some kind of twisted pity.
Steve must have seen your mom’s minivan pull up from his apartment window, because he jogs over to you before you’ve even grabbed your bag from the trunk.
“Hey, babe!” he says with a beaming grin; the picture of exuberance. You can feel his excitement roll off him in waves. You feel like an asshole for matching his energy. Even though you’re excited for time with Steve, you have a pit in your stomach at the thought of being away from home for so many days.
Of course, if you get accepted to U of I, you’ll be away from home for weeks at a time. You try not to think about that.
Steve hugs you tightly, and you hope he can’t sense your apprehension.
He seems not too, still smiling as he gives your mom a quick hug and then offers to carry your duffel bag for you.
You give your mom a hug goodbye, promising to call if you want to get picked up early.
You and Steve wave as your mom drives away. After dropping your bag off at his apartment, Steve takes you on an abridged campus tour that ends at the dining hall. He wants to introduce you to his friends.
He has friends here. Of course he does, you’re glad he does. No one should feel like they don’t have friends, or like their girlfriend is their only friend. But what does it mean that your boyfriend is your only friend lately?
Nancy’s off at Emerson. As for the Hawkins crew, Jonathan’s busy with family stuff, helping Joyce and Hopper renovate their new house. Eddie’s preoccupied with his band, trying to get Corroded Coffin off the ground after a he-was-accused-of-murder hiatus. And Robin’s a student at Roane County Community College, spending her days with marching band and classes and clubs and work.
They’ve started inviting you to things, and sometimes you go. You usually don’t have much fun, distracted with your own anxieties and unable to think of anything interesting to say.
So, the fact that Steve seems to have moved on from everything so easily and has a pack of friends at college makes you feel pathetic, even though it shouldn’t.
At the dining hall, Steve introduces you to his buddies. When Steve lived on-campus last semester, Gus was his roommate. Now Steve’s moved into his own apartment off-campus, but the boys still hang out often and play together on a club basketball team.
Jessica is Gus’ girlfriend. She has a kind smile and compliments your sweater.
The last friend in their clique is Rochelle. She’s tall and slender, like a supermodel. Apparently, she and Jessica grew up together and are good friends.
Everyone greets you happily when Steve introduces you—except Rochelle, who looks you up and down like she’s inspecting you. It makes you uneasy.
You immediately start to dislike her more when she laughs loudly at Steve’s jokes and squeezes his shoulder flirtatiously.
“You are tew much, Harrington,” Rochelle says, flipping her shiny hair over her shoulder.
It makes you feel tense and jealous and angry and sick all at once.
You’re completely content to listen in silence while the others chat, but then Jessica asks where you go to school.
“Oh, um, here, in the spring,” you say. “Uh, hopefully.”
“That’s awesome!” Gus says. “You get the full Hoosiers homecoming experience a whole semester before having to pay tuition.”
You chuckle and smile. Any good feelings you have about this interaction come crashing down when Rochelle asks, “So, like, if you aren’t a student right now, what do you do?”
“She’s working at Sonic,” Steve says. “Saving up money. Right babe?”
You turn to him, face falling. You’re not working. You tried to apply for a job at Sonic and had a panic attack when you saw the gap in your resume from your 15 months in the Upside Down, so you roller-skated your way home to unemployment.
Did you not tell Steve that? You suppose you “forgot” to tell him about that panic episode.
“Uh, actually no,” you say, furrowing your brow. “Not anymore. I’m just taking a semester off.”
Surprise flashes behind Steve’s eyes, but he recovers quickly. He throws an arm around your shoulders and says, “Right, of course.”
The rest of the conversation is mostly you smiling and nodding along to the funny stories and inside jokes the group shares. When you and Steve get back to his place later that evening, you apologize for not updating him on the Sonic situation sooner.
Steve waves away your apology.
“Don’t even worry about it,” he says.
“But I feel bad,” you say, fidgeting with your fingers while you sit next to him on the couch. “I can’t believe I forgot to tell you.”
(You didn’t truly forget. You were embarrassed and didn’t want him to know.)
“These things happen,” Steve says. “I totally get it. For a few months after Vecna and…you, my brain was like scrambled eggs. I’d drink myself to a coma every other night. I definitely didn’t have the sharpest mind.”
You appreciate him for understanding. Except you feel shitty because you’re lying to him about forgetting. It’s a vicious cycle.
The two of you put on a movie, and while you’re lying on the couch with him, you start thinking of something you haven’t done in a long, long time.
You lightly trace your hand up and down the arm that’s wrapped around your middle.
“Hey,” you say quietly. “Would you want to…”
You clear your throat.
“What?” Steve asks.
You aren’t sure how to ask for what you want without sounding wholly desperate and/or pathetic and/or like the horniest bastard alive.
“Go to your room?” you say.
“Sure, if you want, we can go to sleep. We have a long day tomorrow.”
You laugh lightly.
“No, I mean. You know.”
You wiggle your eyebrows and Steve’s jaw drops. Mouth agape, like a goldfish, his brains seems to short circuit.
The air is charged with something you haven’t felt in a long time.
“Are you sure?” Steve says, a barely audibly whisper. His hand cups your cheek so delicately, and you feel cherished. Love. Seen.
“I am,” you whisper back, before pulling him closer to you for a kiss.
It’s the kind of kiss you dreamed about while you were trapped in another universe.
It makes you feel electric, the same way your first kiss had. That iconic kiss happened because Steve found out you’d never played spin the bottle. In his kitchen late, late at night, he took an empty soda bottle and spun it on the countertop.
He had maneuvered it just right and stopped it with his hand when the bottle neck pointed right at you, like a compass needle finding truth north.
“Well, what do you know,” Steve had said at the time, with a dopey grin on his face. “It’s you.”
“If you wanted to kiss me so bad,” you had quipped, “you could’ve just asked.”
And then you two kissed like crazy, amongst other things.
Back in the present, all your hesitancies and qualms about re-engaging in intimacy and sex with Steve are thrown out the window when you feel his lips on yours.
Giddy as if it’s the first time (because, in a way, it kind of is), the two of you break apart and practically race down the hall to his bedroom. Thank goodness for no roommates, because when you’re in there, Steve slams the door and presses you against it to kiss some more, closing the gap between the metaphorical great divide that you’ve placed between you both.
You tug at his shirt, and he pulls it off before the two of you stumble into his bed.
Things heat up, and they’re going great. Steve is kissing and biting your neck, probably leaving a hickey or two, but you don’t mind. His hands are gripping your waist, practically leaving scorch marks in their wake.
You’re loving this. You’re having a great time.
Until you’re not. The trains of thought in your brain all rush from the station at the same time, colliding at a junction on the tracks.
What if you give Steve an infection? Not an STD, but like, an Upside Down sickness. You could be a carrier and not even realize it. Is that a possibility? What did Dr. Owens say last time you saw him?
He advised you not to get pregnant. He said there’s a possibility your future children could have birth defects after your time in the Upside Down. Birth defects! You’re only 21 years old and your body is poisoned. Not enough to harm you in the short term, but the long term effects on you (and your progeny) could be terrible to deal with.
But Steve really wants kids. What if he finds out you can’t give him children and he leaves you? You really, really don’t want him to leave you.
You don’t realize it, but you start breathing a little harder. To Steve, it seems like you’re insanely turned on. Mentally, your brain is on a different plane of existence.
He’s going to leave you because he’s better off without you. He doesn’t realize it yet but one day, one day. He will.
Vecna was right. Vecna said Steve would get tired and bored of you. That’s why the monster tried to recruit you, to flay you. That’s why he pursued you across the Upside Down for days, hunting you like a dog until he cornered you at the quarry.
Steve finally takes notice of your erratic breathing pattern. You’re not reacting how you usually do to his kissing. He ceases the lovefest and leans up on his elbows.
“Y/N? You okay?”
You don’t hear him. You continue to hyperventilate, your eyes screwed tightly shut.
And when you stabbed the beast through the chest with the spear Eddie left behind, you didn’t even feel sorry.
Is that the kind of person you are? A sick, violent freak?
But it was self-defense!
But if you hadn’t tried to draw the demobats away, you wouldn’t have been in that situation. You went against the plan. You caused all the bad things that happened to you.
You’re a bad person. A bad omen. A bad girlfriend. A bad daughter. A—
“Hey, can you hear me? Y/N?”
Steve’s soft, slightly panicked, voice brings you back down to reality.
You nod, eyes still shut.
“Sorry,” you say. “I don’t—I don’t know what happened.”
“It’s okay,” Steve says, still speaking quietly as if he’s afraid to scare you. You don’t feel his hands on you anymore, but you sense he’s still close. “It’s okay. Can you sit up? I think you should drink something.”
You sit up slowly and open your eyes. Steve looks frazzled, but he musters up a smile when he hands you a glass of cold water.
“Sorry,” you mumble.
“You don’t have to apologize.”
You don’t respond, just take a sip.
“Can we just go to bed?” you say after a moment, voice cracking.
Steve nods and gives your knee a gentle squeeze.
“Of course. And, hey, listen, we don’t have to have sex anytime soon, okay?”
“But—”
“No, seriously,” Steve says, shaking his head vehemently. “I mean, of course I like having sex with you. Probably too much.”
You snort and shake your head, a small smile pulling at the corners of your mouth.
“But you know I don’t mind waiting. Right?”
You nod.
“Yeah, I know.”
But as you lie awake, tossing and turning, your brain continues feeding you lie after lie, and you find yourself believing the opposite. Prude, tease. Bad girlfriend. Bad person.
🫀🫀🫀
The next morning, you, Steve, Gus, Jessica, and Rochelle work on a homecoming float for the club basketball team the boys are on.
It’s fun at first. The parking lot is filled with floats for all different student organizations. Someone is playing music a bit too loud, but the energy is electric.
It takes a turn when Steve rushes off with Gus to get more supplies.
While you’re kneeling by the float trying to staple tinsel trim around the edge, you hear Rochelle and Jessica whispering conspiratorially on the other side. They can’t see you due to a large papier mâché basketball blocking you from view.
You're awash with embarrassment, feeling warm head to toe, when you realize they’re talking about you.  
“You know what Mollie told me?” Rochelle said. “When she and Steve were hooking up last year, he called her Y/N, like, three times.”
Your heart shrinks. You didn’t know Steve had been involved with anyone while you were gone. In fact, he said the opposite.
“That’s kind of sweet though, when you think about it,” Jessica muses. “But I wonder what caused Steve and Y/N to break up and then get back together. I’ve never dreamed of breaking up with Gus.”
“I heard some other super freaky stuff about her,” Rochelle says. “My sorority sister, Tina, is from Hawkins too. Apparently, Y/N had, like, amnesia or some shit after that earthquake thing. And she was like missing.”
“Damn,” Jessica says. “That’s crazy. How’d she remember stuff and get back home?”
“Who gives a shit?” Rochelle scoffs. “That’s obviously a cover story. Tina said the real story is probably something much simpler. Like she ran away to become a stripper but couldn’t hack it because she doesn’t have a good body. And, well, we’ve seen that firsthand.”
Anger and shame courses through your veins, and you tug on the hem of your sweatshirt. You’re comforted only a miniscule amount when you hear Jessica come to your defense.
“Don’t be such a jerk. And we have no idea what really happened so stop making shit up, mkay?”
“I’m just repeating what I heard. But Tina’s right, her whole deal is so weird. I can’t believe she’s Steve’s girlfriend. He deserves better.”
Those words echo in your head. He deserves better. He deserves better. You’ve been thinking that a lot yourself lately.
You don’t care if Jessica and Rochelle see you when you toss your stapler onto the ground and stomp off.
“Oh, shit,” you hear Jessica say. “Nice going, Roche.”
“It’s not my fault! I didn’t know she was creeping around!”
As you beeline through the throngs of float-makers, you bump into Steve, holding a box of glittery something. He grins at you.
“Hey, where’s the fire?”
When he notices the grim look on your face, he sobers up.
“Whoa, what happened?”  
“Who’s Mollie?” you ask before you can stop yourself.
Steve pales. He swallows hard, grip on the box loosening. He gingerly sets it on the ground next to him and shrugs.
“No one.”
“Liar.”
Steve glances around before leading you away from the crowd to a secluded spot on the outskirts of the parking lot.
“She really was no one,” Steve repeats. “Just some girl I had a class with. I was lonely and she liked me, so we went out twice.”
“I heard Rochelle say you hooked up with her,” you say. You cross your arms and try to keep angry tears at bay. “You told me you didn’t find anybody else.”
“I didn’t!” Steve says, a little louder. He clears his throat. “I meant that. We almost hooked up, but I couldn’t stop thinking of you.”
You sigh and shake your head. You want to believe him so badly. But the voice in your head that’s been so cruel to you lately isn’t convinced.
“Do you still think about her?”
Steve scrunches up his face, wholly confused at your line of questioning.
“What? No, of course not. Like I said, we hung out twice, had one near-miss, and then never spoke again. Babe, is everything okay?”
He reaches a hand to your arm and you flinch away. Your action makes him frown deeper.
You rub your forehead.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” you say. “Just tired.”
A beat. You think Steve’s going to accept your answer, until: “Why are you lying to me?”
“I’m not lying!” you say, irritation creeping into your tone. “I’m just tired. Okay, Steve?”
Steve fidgets from foot to foot. He’s starting to look as agitated as you feel. With an annoyingly calm, even voice, he says, “I think you’re not being honest.”
“And I think you should shut up,” you fire back, before you can stop yourself.
Steve’s face contorts into a frown, the line between his brows deepening.
“Whoa, what the hell?” he says. “Why are you being like this?”
“Because I just found out you lied about not being involved with someone while I was gone!”
Steve rubs his face with his hands, as if he’s trying to scrub away whatever he’s feeling. He takes a deep breath, another one, and then finally speaks.
“Y/N, I thought you were dead,” he says, voice strained. “You can’t seriously be jealous of me spending time with someone else because to my knowledge, I was never going to see you again.”
You know you should apologize for your outburst. Tell him about your insecurities, now dialed up to 1000 thanks to Rochelle’s comments. Rejoin his friends at the float like the normal girlfriend he probably wishes you were.
But instead, you find yourself voicing one of the fears that’s been swirling in your brain since June.
“It would be so much easier for you if that was still the case, right?” you ask, softly.
“Excuse me?” Steve asks.
“Do you ever regret it?” you ask. “Bringing me back?” He doesn’t react, doesn’t move, doesn’t blink. You clear your throat and, louder, add, “Because it would be so much simpler for you to date a girl like Mollie or Rochelle.”
“Jesus, Y/N,” Steve groans. “Don’t bring Rochelle into this.”
“Why not? She’s obviously obsessed with you!”
“Yeah?” Steve scoffs. “Well, I don’t like her. I like you.” He shakes his head, as if he’s short-circuiting, and corrects, “I love you!”
Too late. You already heard the Freudian slip of your worst nightmare. He doesn’t regard you in the same way he did before your so-called death. You’ve changed too much.
You shake your head vehemently.
“No,” you say. “No. You loved the girl I was before it all happened.”
“You’re still the same girl!”
“I’m not!” you shout. You’re so angry, so upset, so emotional, you can’t stop. You’re floating above your body and watching yourself speak when you say, “I’m not. She’s gone, and sometimes I wish you’d never brought me back so I wouldn’t feel like this.”
Steve goes still once more. When he finally replies, his voice is dangerously quiet: “How dare you say that.”
You hadn’t expected that. You’d expected him to swoop in with comforting platitudes. To hug you and promise it would all be okay. To truly hear the words you’re saying—the thoughts you’ve been too afraid to voice in therapy, thoughts you’ve sugarcoated in your mind to lessen that bitter feeling on your tongue when you finally speak them aloud.
“What?” you whisper. Your eyes sting, unshed tears collecting on your lash line.
“How dare you say that,” Steve says, shaking his head. He’s angrier than you’ve ever seen him. He runs a hand through his hair and barks out a laugh so hollow, you can practically hear the echo in his ribcage. “That’s so fucking selfish that you wish you were still down there. I was miserable without you. I didn’t want to go on. I didn’t think I could!”
He's not getting what you’re trying to say. You open your mouth to reply, to apologize, to try and fix things, but Steve continues.
“So for you to be so callous, to think so little of me, to think I’d rather date some vapid airhead just because it would be ‘simpler’? To think I somehow can’t love you anymore because of what you went through? That’s just…bullshit!”
You heave out a sob as tears roll down your cheeks. Steve’s expression morphs into one of guilt. He swallows hard.
“Y/N, I—”
“You don’t get to tell me my feelings are bullshit!” you snap. You sniffle and roughly wipe your tears away, before jabbing a finger into his chest and pressing in. “Ever since I’ve been back, it’s all about how everyone else feels about it. You and my parents are so much happier, and you seem to think I can snap back to how I was before and forget it all happened and be grateful that I survived. Well, I can’t!”
Despite your distance from the parade planning festivities, you see a few curious students glance in your direction. You can’t be bothered to care.
“I don’t know how to go on with life like normal after 15 months in that hell, and no one understands what I’m going through!” you yell. “No one has been through that! And I’m miserable and scared and anxious and I’m lying to my therapist week after week because I can’t even verbalize what I’m thinking without feeling like I’m losing my goddamn mind. So sorry if sometimes I wish all this would go away.”
Steve’s facial expression cracks your heart in seventeen pieces. He looks devastated and confused.
“I’m so sorry,” he says, somewhat cautiously. “You’re right. I’m not handling this well, not seeing it from your point of view. But this is the most you’ve expressed how you’re feeling about it all. For the past few months, I—I don’t know. I thought you were feeling okay.”
You sniffle again and shrug.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay, Y/N,” Steve says. He clears his throat. “This is good, I think. Well, no, it’s not good that we’re screaming at each other in the quad. But getting our feelings out is—”
“I want to go home,” you say, cutting him off.
Steve closes his eyes, sighs softly, and nods.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll drive you back to Hawkins tonight.”
“No, I want to go now,” you say, voice cracking as you try not to cry harder. “I want my mom to come get me.”
Hurt flashes on Steve’s features. “Babe, are you sure? I really don’t mind. I want to, actually. The drive will give us more of a chance to talk.”
But you’re too tired and overwhelmed to talk anymore. Steve understands, though his shoulders are slumped as the two of you walk back to his apartment.
He offers to pack your bag while you call your house. Your mom picks up on the second ring.
“Hello, Y/L/N residence.”
“Mom?” you sniff. “Can you come get me?”
“Oh, of course sweetie!” You hear the jingle of car keys. “Wait, are you crying? What’s wrong? Was it another nightmare?”
“I just don’t want to be here anymore.”
“Did you and Steve have a fight?”
“His friends were really mean,” you say quietly, deciding not to disclose that you indeed got in an argument with Steve. “This girl, Rochelle, said one of her friends from Hawkins is telling everyone I was a stripper.”
“Oh, don’t you listen to that.”
You can’t hold back tears as you begin to cry harder.
“How come everyone makes up those dumb rumors?” you say through sobs. “And if people on campus already know them, how much worse will it be if I’m a student here?!”
Your mom soothes you over the phone before promising to get there as quickly as possible. As you hang up the phone, Steve comes in from down the hall, frowning and carrying your now-packed duffel. He doesn’t even try to be subtle about his eavesdropping when he asks, “Why didn’t you tell me Rochelle said that to you?”
You shrug and look down at your feet.
Steve closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I keep replaying our conversation in my head,” he says, “and I feel like an ass.”
“You’re not, Steve.”
“No! I am. I absolutely am. You were honest and vulnerable, and I immediately got mad. I’m so, so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” you say flatly. Admittedly, you’re not sure if you forgive him yet. But you know you didn’t treat him well either, so you say, “I’m sorry too. I was insensitive. I know you had a hard time while I was gone—”
“But it’s nothing compared to what you were dealing with,” Steve says. He steps closer to you and intertwines your hands together. “Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you?”
“My mom’s already on her way,” you say. “And you should rest up. Tomorrow’s the parade, and the homecoming game.”
“I don’t need to go to the game.”
“Steve—”
“I’d rather come back to Hawkins this weekend,” he continues. “Spend more time with you. Talk things through, you know? Maybe I can just ride with you and your mom, and Munson can bring me back Sunday.”
He’s sweet. But you aren’t sure how to tell him that you really, really don’t want to be around him right now. You don’t want to be around anyone, really.
You take a deep breath, gently drop his hands, and say, “I think I need some space.”
You can’t look Steve in the eye, but you hear the pain in his voice when he says, “Oh. Um, okay. Yeah. Of course. Space.”
You two sit in awkward silence while you wait for your mom to arrive. When she gets there, Steve continues to be a gentleman, carrying your bag for you and politely making small talk with your mom. He gives you a hug goodbye, but it doesn’t linger the way his hugs usually do.
As your mom drives away, you watch your boyfriend get smaller and smaller in the side mirror.
Before leaving, you promised him you’d call him that night.
You conveniently “forget” to do that.
He leaves a message at 9:37 p.m., asking you to call him back.
You don’t.
🫀🫀🫀
NOVEMBER 1987
“Hey, babe. It’s Steve. Again. I know we agreed on ‘space’ but I haven’t heard from you in three weeks…I don’t want to rush or smother you, but I’d really like to talk, even if it’s for, like, five minutes. So please call me back. I love you, Y/N.”
-
“Hey Y/N. Are you doing okay? Robin says she saw you and your mom at the store the other day and you just seemed kind of…out of it. To be honest, I’m worried about you. Listen, even if you don’t…even if we…even if you’ve decided you don’t want to be with me anymore, or something, I still care about you. And I’ll always be here for you, no matter what. Please call me. Bye. Love you.”
-
“Hi Y/N, I’m coming back to Hawkins for Thanksgiving. Can I come by after you and your parents have dinner? I want to check in. On how you’re doing, and on how you’re feeling about ‘us.’ Let me know, okay? Bye, Y/N.”
-
“Hey. I’m going to swing by your place after I’ve finished Thanksgiving dinner with the Buckleys. Robin told me you’ve been avoiding her too. And Eddie, and Jonathan. I know you’re going through a tough time, but don’t try to do it alone. That’s a lesson I learned the hard way last year. I’ll see you tonight, all right?” 
🫀🫀🫀
You’ve spent the past month and a half wallowing. All you really do is sleep, eat, shower, and take short walks around your neighborhood for exercise. Any time Steve calls the house phone, you tell your parents to let it ring and let it go to voicemail.
It’s shitty of you, but you aren’t sure how to dig yourself out of this hole that you’ve found yourself in. You’re still feeling rather undeserving of Steve.
So when he shows up on your doorstep on Thanksgiving, wearing that maroon sweater that you’ve always just adored, the first thing you do is apologize for your radio silence. Then, you offer him pumpkin pie.
“I won’t say no,” he says. “As long as you split it with me.”
While your parents cuddle on the couch and watch It’s A Wonderful Life, you and Steve sit on the kitchen counter and eat slices of pie with whipped cream.
For a few minutes, you exchange small talk and pleasantries. Then, Steve gets down to business.
“How have you been doing, really?” Steve asks.
“Fine. Just tired.”
“Y/N,” Steve says with a sigh. “Please just be honest with me.”
You suck in a breath.
“Okay. You want honesty? I’m having a really hard time.”
“I know,” Steve says gently. “And I want to help. Can you talk to me about what’s going on?”
You consider it. You consider wrenching your heart open for him and admitting all your fears and insecurities. But last time you broached this subject with Steve and tried to be wholly honest about what you were feeling, you didn’t explain it right and he took it the wrong way.
And you also hear what sounds like Rochelle’s voice in your mind: He deserves better. He deserves better.
You save yourself the trouble and say, “I need to get my shit together. And I’m not being a very good girlfriend while I do, so I think we need to break up.”
Despite your best efforts to stay strong, you feel tears coming on. Everything only worsens when you hear Steve whisper, “What?” 
He deserves better. He deserves better. He deserves better than you.
“I have to focus on myself right now,” you continue as the tears roll down your cheeks. You stab your pie with your fork and say, “I’m sorry. I love you so much—”
“I love you too, Y/N, so I—”
“—but I need to deal with this on my own. It’s not fair of me to treat you like this.” You clear your throat and add, “You deserve someone who can give you everything you want.”
“You’re what I want,” Steve says. You can’t look at him, but you get the impression that he’s tearing up too. “I mean, if this is really what you want, I’ll respect your decision completely, but I just have to know—is there anything I can do to change your mind?”
You don’t want to do this—
—but he deserves better.
“I’m sorry, but no.”
“You don’t have to do this alone,” Steve says after a beat. “Even if we aren’t together anymore, I’m still here for you. You know that, right?”
You nod, still decimating your pie slice with your fork.
“Okay, good.” He sniffles.
“Sorry.”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to keep apologizing.” 
“Sorry. Ah, I mean—”
Steve chuckles, despite everything. You two share an awkward hug goodbye before he leaves.
You stay in the kitchen and hear him wish your parents “Happy holidays.” As you hear the front door open and shut, as you hear his car turn on and drive away, you try to convince yourself this was the correct choice. That shutting him out means he’ll live a happier life without you.
The pit of emptiness like a chasm in your soul will go away eventually, right?
🫀🫀🫀
FEBRUARY 1988
It’s been 3 months since you broke up with Steve.
You decided to defer your U of I enrollment. Steve, being a good friend, calls a few days before the semester starts asking if you’d like help moving into your dorm, and you break the news to him. He understands but sounds disappointed. It makes you feel terrible.
But this is the right choice. You aren’t ready to be away from home, away from your parents, even if it’s just a couple hours away.
You start taking community college classes to fill your time and get some credits, along with working at Bradley’s Big Buy as a stocker. It’s mindless, monotonous work. It’s kind of perfect.
What isn’t so perfect is your therapist, Elaine. She’s nice enough. But she doesn’t seem to get it. You aren’t able to fully tell her what you went through, considering she knows nothing about the Upside Down, so she can’t really help you.
When you start opening up about the dark thoughts worming their way through your mind, Elaine advocates strongly and staunchly for putting yourself out there and making new friends to fill the void. You’re starting to wonder if you’re wasting your time shelling out $50 a week.
You do think a better social life would be good for you, so you invite Robin, Eddie, and Jonathan to come over to your place for a horror movie marathon. (Nancy would be invited too, if she wasn’t away at school.) You’ve rented a D-level slasher trilogy about a man in a hockey mask attacking pageant queens. It’s small potatoes compared to what you’ve actually been through.
Jonathan agrees, but both Robin and Eddie tell you they can’t make it. Robin because she’s got the flu. Eddie because he has band practice all afternoon and into the night.
It stings like a barb ripping you open when you swing by Melvald’s for cheap movie candy and spot the two of them across the street, laughing as they head into the Hawk with…Steve, who must be home from school for the weekend.
So they do want to have a movie night. Just with Steve and not you. Message received.
You wonder if Steve said something to sour you in their eyes. You thought the breakup was amicable. You know he was upset by it, but he respected your decision. And he doesn’t seem like the type to badmouth an ex, especially after all you’ve been through together.
But anxiety rolls through your nervous system the rest of the day. As you and Jonathan watch the crappy movies, you just feel numb.
“Jee-sus!” Jonathan yelps as the killer’s chainsaw hacks through someone’s limb.
He glances your way, eyebrows raising. “What? That didn’t scare you?”
You shrug. “I’ve seen worse.”
Jonathan’s brow furrows. He leans over and pauses the movie.
“Hey, is everything okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure? We can watch something else. Or, if you’d rather be alone, I can head out.”
You pick at a loose thread on the pillow in your lap.
“Are Robin and Eddie mad at me?” you whisper.
“What?” Jonathan says with a laugh. “You’re, like, the nicest person in a fifty-mile radius. Why would they be mad at you?”
The old you was nice. The current you is moody. But Jonathan is also pretty moody, so maybe your moodiness is baseline in his eyes.
“They both said they couldn’t come tonight,” you continue, “but then I saw them just an hour ago in downtown Hawkins heading into the Hawk with Steve. Why else would they make up excuses not to come unless they were mad?”
Jonathan takes a long, slow sip of his grape soda and shrugs.
“It’s probably because they don’t want you to think they chose Steve over you in the breakup.”
“But that’s exactly what they did!”
“Maybe not,” Jonathan says. “Maybe they just made the plans with Steve before you invited us over and it’s easier to turn down your invitation than cancel on him.”
That’s a very logical way of looking at it, but it still stings feeling like you’ve lost two friends since you and Steve aren’t together anymore.
You and Jonathan continue watching, but his mom calls halfway through the second movie, forcing him to leave early—something about El using telekinesis to turn her bed into a bunk bed and it backfiring horribly.
You try to push your worries out of your mind, but paranoia takes a hold. As you toss and turn in your bed that night, clutching Lambchop for a semblance of comfort, your brain bullies you.
Robin and Eddie are pissed at you. Probably because you haven’t gone to any Corroded Coffin shows since you’ve been back. You’ve been a little preoccupied.
A little selfish, more like. It doesn’t matter what you’re going through. You should still support your friends.
But why? You don’t like drinking alcohol anymore because you don’t like feeling out of control. And the Hideout is the only place Corroded Coffin plays, and that place reeks of booze and cigarettes and bad decisions.
Maybe that’s why Eddie’s mad. Is Robin mad by proxy? Did Steve shit-talk you to her? How did he describe the events of the breakup?
Were you a bad girlfriend? Are you a bad friend? Bad person?
Yes. You’re a bad person.
🫀🫀🫀
You happen to run into Robin on the community college’s campus the following Monday. You can’t help but ask if she’s feeling better.
Her eyes widen and she plasters on a smile.
“O-oh, yeah!” she says. “I’m feeling loads better. Tons! Tons better.”
“Your sinus infection is gone?” you prompt, knowing full well she told you it was the flu.
“Yep! All gone. My sinuses are as healthy as can be. I feel like I could live to be 100!”
You exchange a few more pleasantries and shuffle off.
🫀🫀🫀
MARCH 1988
There’s a dark cloud hovering over your mind. Most days, you’re lethargic. You go to classes and go to work, and you do start going to the Hideout on Tuesday nights with Jonathan and Robin to watch Eddie play with his band.
But that’s the extent of your social life. You’re feeling lonely and drained.
Things take a turn for the worse in March. It was a cold, cold winter in Hawkins, and spring is shaping up to be warmer but just as gloomy. Really bad thunderstorms shake the windowpanes of your house most days, and the streaks of lightning remind you so much of the grayish-yellow Upside Down sky, it makes you sick.
You can’t help but find yourself thinking you want to disappear to escape it all. Not die, exactly. But fall into a deep, dreamless sleep. Maybe when you woke up, things would be better.
You try to explain what you’re feeling to Elaine the Therapist, and she doesn’t understand what you meant in the slightest.
“Have you gotten checked for narcolepsy?” she asks.
You give her a tight smile and say you’ll ask your doctor about it at your next checkup.
A bright spot is when Robin invites you to a party at her apartment. You forgot her and Eddie’s little white lie from a few weeks ago and RSVP yes.
The party is going well. You’re having a nice conversation with Jonathan and Eddie when Steve walks in, and he’s not alone.
Your heart sinks to your feet, through the floor, and all the way to the core of the earth when you see Steve is joined by Rochelle.
You don’t even hear any of the conversations happening around you. You quickly excuse yourself to the kitchen for a glass of water—and because you need to be alone.
You get about 15 seconds of a reprieve before Steve enters.
“Listen, it’s not what you think,” he says quickly.
“Hello to you too, Steve,” you say. You can’t even look him in the eye, choosing instead to study the ice cubes in your glass.
“I’m not here with Rochelle,” Steve continues. He runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, yes, she’s here. And I’m here. And we’re here together. But not together together! God, I’m not making any sense, am I?”
“None at all.”
“She needed a ride to her parents’ house for the weekend,” Steve explains. “She lives just forty-five minutes from here. But I guess they were out of town, and she didn’t have a key, so she’s staying with me. And she didn’t want to spend all day in my house alone, so—”
“She’s here,” you finish for him. You finally look him in the eye and force a smile. “That’s fine, Steve. You can hang out with whoever you want.”
“Trust me,” Steve snorts. “I’d rather not be hanging out with her. I’m just doing her a favor because she’s friends with Jessica and Gus.”
Before you can respond, Rochelle saunters into the kitchen. She smiles like a shark—all gums and teeth.
“Oh, it’s you!” she says. “Y/N! How have you been?”
“Fine,” you say politely. “How about you?”
“Oh, just great. Really great. Sad to not see you around campus, though. I thought you enrolled?”
She has the impressive capability of making everything single sentence sound like an insult.
“I’m going to community college instead,” you explain. “But I really should get back out there.”
You give Steve and Rochelle a wide berth before stepping back into the living room.
The rest of the party goes by fine. Except you can’t quite contain your rage watching Rochelle throw herself at Steve all afternoon.
She sits too close to him. She constantly whispers in his ear and giggles, like they’re sharing inside jokes and secrets. While Robin’s putting on a movie for everyone to watch, you swear you even see Rochelle put her hand on Steve’s thigh.
The only thing that makes you feel better is that Steve blocks every one of these advances. While Eddie regales you all with a Corroded Coffin storytime, you even notice Steve's slotted himself in between Robin and the wall, forcing Rochelle to stand off to the side near a potted plant.
When the party’s over, you wish Robin well and try to slip out unnoticed. Unfortunately, Steve has a terrible habit of noticing everything about you, and he follows you out.
“Hey, wait up!” he calls, jogging behind you as you speed walk to your car to avoid the sprinkling rain.
“Sorry, I have to go,” you say, struggling to unlock your car door.
Before you can get it unlocked and make your escape, Steve places a hand over the driver’s side door handle.
“Hold on,” he says. “Can we go somewhere and talk?”
“Well, I have to get home—”
“This’ll take five minutes,” Steve promises. He traces an X over his heart. “Cross my heart, hope to cry.”
You scrunch your nose in confusion. “It’s ‘die.’”
“Huh?”
“It’s ‘Cross my heart, hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye.’”
Steve’s eyes widen and jaw drops, affronted. “Jesus Christ,” he grumbles. “Why would anyone ever want to do that?”
“That’s the point!” you say, and you can’t help but laugh at the appalled look on his face. “You don’t want to do that, so you keep the promise.”
“Ah. Okay, well, I’ll be fast. I just want to see how you’ve been doing these past few months. I—I miss you, you know?”
You swallow hard. The rain’s starting to pick up now. You don’t want to wait too much longer to drive home, or else it’ll be too hard to see. And if you see lightning, you’ll probably have a panic attack behind the wheel, making you a danger to yourself and others.
“I miss you too,” you say. “But I really, really need to get home now.”
You think of leaving it at that, but your heart feels as sad as the look on his face, so you add, “But you can come by my house later tonight and we can talk? Uh, how’s 8 sound?”
Steve’s face brightens. He gives you that smile that always makes your stomach do a backflip.
“I’d like that,” he says.
You smile back and open your car door. Before stepping in, you turn to him and say, “Do not bring Rochelle.”
“Cross my whatever and hope to who-gives-a-shit!” Steve says as he walks backward away from your car. You give him a small wave, which he returns, before getting in the car and driving off.
As you suspected, the drive home is much, much too anxiety-inducing. Thunder seems to shake the whole frame of the car as you drive across town. Rain falls in pails, as if angels are taking buckets and throwing them on your car specifically. Your windshield wipers can barely keep up, and cars are honking and passing you since your fear is causing you to drive about ten under the speed limit.
You try not to let that bother you as your hands grip the wheel for dear life, the muscles from your fingers up to your shoulders impossibly tense. There’s a reason your mom drove you everywhere last summer and fall. Getting back into the habit of operating a motor vehicle isn’t easy, and everything seems to scare you now.
Despite everything, the drive is going fine—until one of the cars passing you cuts a little too close as they swerve back into the right lane. They almost clip your front bumper, which causes you to panic and swerve off the road near the now defunct trailer park.
Your tires squeak on the wet grass and you slam on your breaks, heart pounding. Shuddery breaths draw in, out. In, out. You try and collect yourself and turn your left turn signal on to merge back onto the main road. However, something gray out of the corner of your eye causes you to whip your head in the direction of the trailer park.
This is where you died and were resurrected—well, the version of this in the Upside Down. In Hawkins, the area is cordoned off. No one can live there anymore, thanks to the big cracks in the earth. Once gates, they were now sealed, but they upended some trailers and tore others in two.
You see a flash of movement between two broken trailers. The gates are supposed to be closed, and there aren’t supposed to be Upside Down creatures in Hawkins anymore, but you can’t help but wonder alternatives. You feel compelled to check it out. 
You turn off your car’s ignition, grab the flashlight from your glove box, and clamor out, ducking under the “CAUTION” tape and jogging into the park. You squint in the rain, the beam of your flashlight scanning the surrounding area. You step over uneven earth, wondering if you’re wasting your time and should just—
“GRRRRRROWWWLLLL!!!!!”
You whip around and gasp. The gray creature you saw wasn’t a demo-creature, but a mangy, stray dog with muddy fur. It snaps its jaws and you see three little puppies cowering under a bush behind it.
An overprotective mama dog wouldn’t have scared you two years ago. You would’ve known exactly how to handle the situation without freaking out. But now, your fear spikes and you remember the few run-ins with hungry demodogs you had in the Upside Down. The dog is blocking your way back to your car, so you turn on your heel and run in the opposite direction, toward the imposing forest.
You can’t think clearly. Your mind is on fire. All you can think is Danger! Danger! Danger! And it’s keeping you from making any rational decisions.
You swear you hear the dog chasing behind you, snarling and ready to attack. You zig-zag between trees and glance behind to see if you really are being chased.
You lose your footing on slick mud, left ankle twisting painfully as you fall to the ground. Your flashlight skitters out of your grasp and rolls away, blinking out.
Now, you’re stuck in the rain, in the dark, with an injured ankle and no flashlight. Thankfully, the dog wasn’t following. But you feel powerless, hoping you can muster any survival instincts from your time in the Upside Down to make your way back to safety.
🫀🫀🫀
At 7:58 p.m., Steve parks outside your house.
He’s more nervous than he needs to be. He tries to remember that this isn’t a visit to win you back, as much as he wishes it was. No, he’s respecting your decision. But he’s glad he has the chance to just talk to you.
After you dumped him, he spent way too much time overanalyzing that fight you two had in October. It solidified the fact that he was an ass, completely misunderstanding you and getting mad for no good fucking reason.
Admittedly, he was tempted to throw away all his progress and drink away his misery. But he didn’t, channeling that energy toward more productive things. His mind is clearer than it was, and he’s going to make it right this time. Steve wants to check on you, the way his friends checked on him while he was having a tough time. Their support was invaluable.
Steve rings your doorbell, shaking out his umbrella.
The front door swings open. Your father looks expectant, before he frowns.
“Steve, hello,” your father says. “Is Y/N with you?”
Steve’s brow furrows. “Uh, no,” he says. “I’m supposed to meet her here.”
Your father curses and puts his head in his hands.
“Is it her?” your mother says, rushing around the corner with the cordless phone tucked under her shoulder. When she sees Steve, her shoulders slump. She speaks into the phone, “Hopper, she’s still not back.”
“What’s going on?” Steve asks, heart sinking. “Y/N’s missing?”
“She never came back from Robin’s party,” your father says, stepping aside to let Steve in. “You saw her leave, right?”
“Yeah,” Steve says with a nod. His mouth feels very, very dry.
Your mother continues murmuring on the phone with Hopper, and your father continues grilling Steve: “How was she? Did she seem upset?”
“A little nervous, maybe,” Steve says. He swallows hard. “I, uh, I think she was freaked out by the storm.”
You should’ve driven her home, Steve thinks. You idiot. If something happens to her, it’ll be your fault.
“She’s been so quiet lately,” your father says, voice strained. He clears his throat. “And so jumpy. But she said she wanted to start driving again. We thought she was getting better…”
Your father looks like he’s beside himself. Steve is unsure what to say to make things right.
Your mother hangs up the phone and sighs. “Hopper’s going to go look for her,” she says. She chokes out a sob. “Oh, Roger…she’s been so down lately. What if she…”
“Let’s not speculate,” your father says firmly, though he looks anxious about the possibilities.
Your parents decide to drive around looking for you, and Steve joins the search in his own car as well. He can’t sit idly by knowing you’re out there, possibly in distress, possibly in danger.
🫀🫀🫀
While you’re sitting against a tree trunk trying to shield yourself from the rain, there’s a morbid part of you that’s okay with this.
You wanted something bad to happen. You wanted to be in some kind of distress, because you being hurt means people have to care about you. Right? They have to really, truly see that you’ve been struggling but haven’t been able to ask for proper help.
You snap yourself out of that thought process, trying to remind yourself that people do care about you. But it’s hard to feel that way when you’ve put so much distance between yourself and the people you love.
You aren’t sure how long you sit in the rain having a pity party, watching your swollen ankle get bigger and bigger. You need to ice it and elevate it. And anytime longer in this rain, you’ll catch a cold.
So, you crawl on your hands and knees and find as sturdy a branch as you can on the forest floor. You use it as a pseudo walking stick to help you hobble back toward the trailer park. You know the way, thanks to your time traversing the forest daily in the Upside Down.
As you get closer to the break in the trees, you hear people calling for you. You shuffle there faster.
“I’m here!” you yell, stumbling through the tree line. “I’m here!”
It’s Chief Powell and Hopper, and they look relieved to see you. Officer Callahan and an animal control worker are trying to coax the mama dog and her three pups into crates.
“What happened, kid?” Hopper asks, sitting with you in the backseat of Powell’s truck while the other man radios for an ambulance and a tow truck for your car. The usual gruff timbre to Hopper's voice has a softened edge to it today, like he can sense your emotional fragility.
“Some jerk pushed me off the road. And I thought I saw…I—listen, the mud made the dog’s fur look gray, and I thought it was—”
“One of these hellhounds?”
You nod.
“I’m not sure if you realize this,” Hopper says. “But it’s been two years to the day since you…you know.”
You swallow hard.
“I didn’t remember,” you admit. “I mean, I knew the anniversary was coming up soon, I just…”
“We were all worried you…did something,” Hopper continues cautiously.
“I wouldn’t,” you say, much too quickly. “I mean, I feel like shit a lot of the time, but…no. I wouldn’t.”
Hopper nods, eyeing you. He doesn’t quite look convinced.
When the ambulance arrives, he rides with you to the hospital. Then, your parents meet you at the ER, while a doctor looks over your ankle.
It’s sprained, but not broken, thankfully. They send you home with a brace, some crutches, painkillers, and instructions to elevate and ice.
The whole drive home, your parents give you a speech about how much they love you and how they want to know how you’re doing, and that if you ever feel low, to talk to them because they can help. Normally, that kind of thing would annoy you, but after today—the fear of seeing what you thought was a demodog, of being back in the wilderness by yourself, even just for a few hours—you appreciate the gesture.
It's after midnight when you get home, and the rain has finally let up. Your dad helps you up the porch stairs, leaning the side with your bad leg against him the whole way. You almost don’t notice the note tacked to the front door until your mom points it out.
It has your name on it. You open it. Parts of it have been scratched out, but you can still read it all.
Hey, Y/N. I was driving around looking for you when Hopper found me. I’m so glad to hear that you’re going to be okay.
I’ll swing by tomorrow to chat, if you’re still up for it. If not, no worries. I know it’s a tough time. I just want you to know that I miss you I care about you more than you know I’m here.
-Steve
🫀🫀🫀
When Steve comes by the next day, he’s not alone.
You’re surprised to see him and Max Mayfield standing on your porch.
“Uh, hello!” you say. “How are you, Max?”
“Pretty good,” she says, “now that Steve is taking us for ice cream.”
You raise your eyebrows and adjust your stance on your crutches.
“Oh!” you say. You look to Steve. He’s smiling, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Everything about his posture is tense, nervous. You wonder if this is an intervention or something—if you’ll arrive at the ice cream shop and be bombarded by the rest of your friends and a licensed professional promising a “safe space.”
You tell your parents where you’re going, promising a million times that you’ll be careful, and hobble down the porch steps to Steve’s waiting car. He’s a gentleman, one hand hovering behind your back and ready to catch you if you fall.
Max lets you have the passenger seat, likely due to your injury. On the ride over, you consider (politely) asking what she’s doing there, as you expected this conversation would be about the nature of your and Steve’s relationship.
A part of you deep, deep down had hoped he would beg you to take him back. A part of you deeper down felt selfish for that, but it was what you wanted.
You made a huge mistake letting him go.
Steve ends up taking you both to Sonic, pulling into one of the parking spots and pressing the “Order” button. Max leans up from the backseat, sticking her head between the two front seats, and rattles off a complicated order of hot dogs, fries, slushies, and ice cream into the speaker.
“I thought this was just ice cream,” you say with an eyebrow raised.
Max smirks.
“Moneybags Harrington is paying,” she says, patting him on the shoulder.
“I resent that,” Steve grouses. But there’s a sparkle in his eye.
When the food comes, Steve divvies it up amongst the three of you. However, he quickly comes up with a shoddy excuse to step out of the car—something about the fries being a medium instead of a large.
Max climbs over the center console to settle in the driver’s seat.
You aren’t sure what to expect when you’re alone with Max, but it’s definitely not, “Dying and coming back really sucks, doesn’t it?”
Your burger immediately tastes like sandpaper. “Oh, let’s not talk about that,” you say. “Let’s talk about fun things. Have you learned any new skate tricks recently?”
“Don’t deflect,” Max says, waving a french fry at you for emphasis. “Steve said you were having a hard time because no one could relate to you, and I’m probably the only person in the world who can.”
She’s not wrong. After your return to the right side of the universe, you learned that Max woke up from her coma, completely healed, after you killed Vecna and the gates closed. You hadn’t thought about how the two of you had similar, paralleled experiences.
“It does suck,” you say quietly, swirling your spoon around in your ice cream cup. “And I kind of feel like I’m losing my mind.”
“For me, it was a lot of anger,” Max says. She fidgets with her own food as she continues. “I couldn’t understand people’s priorities anymore. Like, what do you mean you’re worried about a chem test, Dustin? A few months ago, the world almost ended!”
“I totally get that,” you say, and your heart already feels lighter. “And my parents don’t understand what really happened, so they just don’t get me at all. Why I get so scared, so angry. So jumpy. It makes me feel like I’m a freak in their eyes.”
“I feel like my mom doesn’t even see me anymore,” Max says. She clears her throat and you catch a glimpse of tears gathering on her lash line before she roughly wipes them away. “Like to her, I’m a ghost.”
“I’m sure that’s not true,” you say. She scoffs.
“And there’s another annoying thing,” Max says. “The empty platitudes to make us feel better. That shit doesn’t fix anything!”
You’re not offended by her outburst, because you honestly agree. The two of you lament a bit longer, and by the end of the conversation, you’re feeling on top of the world. Sure, nothing is really fixed. But you finally realize that you have a kindred spirit in all this.
You and Max make a plan to do things together more often. You’re seeing her as a de facto little sister already, and you’re hopeful that your planned meetings will be just as beneficial for her as they are for you.
Steve comes back after what seems like a millennium, shooing Max back to the backseat.
“Took you long enough!” she says.
He just smiles.
🫀🫀🫀
JUNE 1988
It’s the first day of summer.
And it’s been a year to the day since you returned.
You expect to feel more anxious than you do. Instead, you feel peaceful.
You’re doing a lot better, genuinely. You found a new therapist (sorry, Elaine) and since it’s someone who worked with Dr. Owens, you’re able to spill all the gory details of your past and your trauma. Healing isn’t easy, but you feel yourself slowly sewing yourself back together again.
You and Max stick to your word and take weekly trips to Sonic. You talk about the heavy stuff, but also the normal life stuff. You sometimes have guests. This past week, Lucas and Mike tagged along, arguing the whole time about what should happen in the Ghostbusters sequel that’s supposed to release next year.
You and Steve…ah, what’s there to say. You want him back, but you imploded the relationship and it feels selfish to waltz up to him and say, “Hey, hot stuff. Wanna get back together?”
However, you’ve officially enrolled for the fall semester at U of I. While he’s home from Hawkins for summer break, under the guise of asking for tips about campus life, you spend a lot of time with him.
You also spend time in the library, doing some studying to catch up before you start your classes in the fall. Your high school graduation was a lifetime ago. Literally.
Steve, Robin, and Jonathan join you for those summertime study sessions, although Jonathan and Robin usually bicker over the music theory books and Steve doesn’t get much done except for doodling in his notebook. But sometimes you catch him staring at you, and then his cheeks flush pink in that adorable way that makes you want to do something stupid, like beg him to take you back.
If only you knew if he really felt the same…
…which you find out he does, during the summer solstice.
You’re at the county fair with your friends, but they’ve all run off to watch the fireworks, so it’s just you and Steve at a picnic table downing sodas and cotton candy.
Your fingers wrap around the cool glass of a now-empty Coke bottle, and you place it on the tabletop. You attempt to look nonchalant as you spin it slowly.
Once it’s picked up momentum, you let it go, watching it spin a few more times before stopping it with your hand when the bottle neck points at Steve.
“It’s you,” you whisper, attempting to recreate that magical first kiss moment from years and years ago. You clear your throat at Steve’s dumbfounded expression. “Ah, sorry. You don’t have to kiss me. I was just…”
To your pleasant surprise, Steve’s face splits into a grin. “Well, gee, Y/N,” he says. “If you wanted to kiss me that bad, you could’ve just said so.”
A million canaries titter a love song in your heart as he leans forward.
The two of you kiss, for the first time in a long time.
The great divide in your soul is starting to seal. And everything feels right.
THE END
🫀🫀🫀
a/n please lmk what you thought 🩵
tags; @aloneinthehellfire @starry-eyed-steve @hollandweather @wisdomssdaughterr @huffledor-able541 @springautumn
@sunshinesteviee @curiositydooropened @crappymixtape
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maria-from-ga · 10 months
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I can't believe Teen Titans is officially 20 years old today. My favorite animated show and one of the best imo. It got me through a lot of shit & means the world to me
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Starfire- the Heart
My favorite character on Teen Titans, and still my favorite hero.
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A joyful person who loved the world around despite its cruelty. An immigrant who loved her culture yet always struggled w/ her sense of place and being an outsider like me. Her journey becoming more sure of herself & her place & an advocate for other outsiders like Red Star is beautiful one.
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Cyborg- The Lynchpin
A extroverted, disabled black hero who had a deep internal struggle to accept that his disability doesn't contradict, but strengthens his humanity
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His main arc on what it means to be a 'man' - that he doesn’t have to prove anything to anyone but instead be sure of himself. As a black hero, his defiance being rewarded, not shamed, resulting in victory in the end is still one of my favorites TT03 arcs
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Raven- The Inspiration
When I was younger, I was embarrassed to admit how much I was like Raven bc I hated feeling like a closed-off outcast.
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But now understanding Raven as a closed-off person who hid her emotions in spite of how she cared (which was the most out of anyone) to protect everyone. Who constantly fought for good despite being deemed a curse bc she hoped for better- Raven is an inspiration
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Her journey to accept her emotions & forge her own destiny and not give into despair is one of the best arcs in all animation
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Beast Boy, the Wild Card
To be honest, I despise his immaturity when I was younger.
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Now I know he was just a kid trying to be happy despite his hardships (like terrible parentals & Terra).
His season of growing up, learning to let go, and building a team of underrated/inexperienced heroes like himself to defeat Brotherhood of Evil against all odds when all hope was lost was peak
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Robin- the Leader
Finally, the Boy Wonder, what else is there to say?
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A character so flawed, struggling w/ anger, darkness, and obsessiveness, but will go to war for his friends, & sacrifice all for those he loved.
Learning to let people in and that he can be more than hero. Best Robin adaptation we have seen.
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Not just the core 5, but the entire Titans family was amazing. Characters who left an impact despite limited screentime. Más y Menos, Thunder and Lightning, Titans East, Speedy, Hotspot, Kole, and too many to name. With the best Bumblebee we have ever had in any media.
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Thank you so much to Glen Murakami, David Slack, Amy Wolfram, Sam Register, Derrick Wyatt (RIP), Scott Menville, Hynden Walch, Khary Payton, Tara Strong, Greg Cipes, and so many countless others in the cast & crew for giving this to me and so many others.
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Forever grateful for the Titans' stories & memories & for Robin, Cyborg, Starfire, Raven, and Beast Boy
826 notes · View notes
bambiziip · 2 months
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riize reaction — interrupting them with a kiss
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pairing : established relationship with ot7 riize x gn! reader
genre : fluff & a bit of humor! (debatable if actually funny or not but)
warnings : just kissing and alluding to making out lol
a/n : hii this is my first time writing in like a couple years nowskffkf but i hope you like it. i kinda don’t love it but riize got me back into kpop so just wanted to write a little something for them all! i hope you enjoy, leave a trace if you did!! also my ask box is open if you have any requests for more reactions mwah
song i listened to on loop while writing this :
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— SHOTARO
he’s stressing!! cb in the spring means he wants to work on choreo again for the grp
it’s technically a break day but you wanted to see taro in action today
what’s better than seeing him dance <33
he’s finally taken a break, sliding onto the couch next to you where you laid
you immediately sat up, criss-cross applesauce, and pulled on his sleeve just to hold
before you can get a word out to ask how he’s feeling, taro starts ranting about the feel of the cb song
how he doesn’t know if this cb his choreo will stick and all
he’s soo in his own head, he’s really just talking to the void trying to get his thoughts out
taro tends to get like this when he’s stressed, rambly but only with you he actually gets the words out
with you leaning forward, he turns just at the right moment as you give him a small peck on the lips
his mouth immediately quirks up at you and he says, “damn i was rambling again, huh?”
you giggle and push at his chest, “you can ramble all you want to!! it’s just… your lips get all pouty and i can’t help it.”
before he starts the song again, you make sure to poke his lips and give another kiss - for good measure of course
— EUNSEOK
you love eunseok so much, you really do
if you were to set the scene, it’s lovely
you’re cuddled up to your smokeshow boyfriend, under the covers after a long day and you can finally rest
scratch that - eunseok managed to binge watch the latest season of the anime he had been watching today
for the past 10 minutes eunseok’s been ranting about the ending - he wasn’t satisfied with it
“and then they just never made up! can you believe it? the two main characters, friends since birth and they just cut it off for no real reas-“
in less than 5 seconds, you had rested your thumb on eunseok’s chin slightly bringing his bottom lip down and you give him a long kiss
to essentially shut him up, yes! and did!
after breaking apart and mischievously smiling at his dumbfounded face, you just squeezed his arm and he snapped out of the daze
“y/n, you could have told me you wanted to kiss, i’ll just have to tell you about the other arcs later, huh?”
you laughed as you let him wrap your arms around you secure again, “kiss later, sleep now??”
— SUNGCHAN
sungchan really isn’t that dramatic, you swear
he’s currently curled up on the couch with you, laying on his back, with his head resting against your leg scrolling through his phone
you? you’ve been trying to finish this book for the past week and finally have the chance to just chill and do so with your boyfriend also assumingly chilling
except…. sungchan huffs for the 3rd time in the past 60 seconds
oh boy
you can’t help but chuckle and run a hand through his hair after putting your book down, “what’s up channie?”
sungchan tilts his heads to make eye contact as if he’s surprised you asked, not like he was looking for attention at all! (lol)
“nothing baby, i just,” he pauses to turn himself over to lay on his stomach and look at you, “not sure, pretty much your boyfriend took too many pictures and i’m only allocated one post thread today… how will i pick??”
you bite on your bottom lip trying not to laugh at him, the seriousness coming through in his tone as he continued to scroll through pics
you open your mouth to semi make fun of him but he continues on, even turning the phone for you to see just how many photos he took
“channie.”
he looks up abruptly, yup he was in his own world talking, but before he can do anything else you lean in and peck his lips
he smiles, sitting up slightly more and pecking you back
“alright, i’ll ask if i can have two posts today, now c’mere”
you dramatically gasp, “but my book!”
“give me 5 minutessss y/n,” he pouts and the book isn’t in your mind anymore tbh… what book?
— WONBIN
currently your view is of wonbin’s back, it’s nice, he has a cute shirt on
you’ll probably steal it later, shh don’t tell him
speaking of clothes, wonbin has his back turned to you as he pushes back loads of his tops on hangers huffing a bit
“bin, you know it’s just meeting my family and not milan fashion week?” you can’t help but chuckle by the end of your sentence
wonbin dramatically gapes at you as he spins around, cute denim jacket (if you do say so yourself) hanging over his forearm as he walks up to where you are sitting on the edge of his bed
“y/nnnn,” he elongates your name with a tinge of a whine to his voice, “this is serious i want to make a good impression, i can’t be looking stupid to people so close to you! it’d be… i’d never live it down!”
you shake your head, trying to hold a laugh in
honestly it’s really sweet wonbin cares so much you knowww it is, he’s so cute
he opens his mouth to go on another rant on how serious this before you prop yourself up and kiss him, placing your hand on his arm to hold yourself from where you’re sitting
wonbin even leans slightly down to accommodate you, yes he’ll take the kiss
once you break apart, you grin at him as it clicks you just wanted him to shut up and pick an outfit
“i’m going i’m going! i’m choosing…”
— SEUNGHAN
seunghan lovessss taking pictures of you after a date, he has a whole photo album just ask to see it and he’ll show
almost all of the pictures are you near the beach or near some bench as you always end up near a pier in the evenings that you can
“baby! and now you lean behind the bench !” seunghan says in delight like it’s his job to think of new poses
you try not to bust out in laughter at his enthusiasm looking around, “hani, there’s only so many poses i can do here.”
truthfully you love it and seunghan needs to never change, he’s your number one hype man for goodness sake
a few seconds go by and he pouts in thought, “okay we need a new angle, let me crouch down” and he takes a few shots of you giggling at him with a big smile on his own face
once seunghan stands back up, and he starts swiping through everything to add to his folder, you come around from the back of the bench and stand in front of him
loosely wrapping your arms around his neck, nonverbally demanding his attention, he looks up as you lean in to press a kiss to his lips
he kisses back, never the one to really shy away from pda, but he is the one to break the kiss
“well just tell me if you want to make out with the photographer!” he says sorta loudly, causing you to laugh once again rolling your eyes
— SOHEE
sohee loves debriefing his day with youuuu!
one would maybe not think it but as stories pile up from the day, he looks forward to telling you at the end of the day (so freaking cute)
currently you both are in the kitchen, you sitting on the edge of the counter
he’s in an animated reenactment of when sungchan hid shotaro’s phone for the bit in their variety show and sohee was dying to tell the eldest
you’re nodding along to everything with a small smile on your face
honestly you love how cute he is when he gets like this into retelling a story just for you
“i didn’t tell him though, told myself the fans would like the prank carried out and all,” he grinned at you as he walked to the counter you were sitting on leaning near you
“and then-“
you ruffle the top of his head through his soft hair, moving his head gently towards you lovingly pressing a kiss onto his lips cutting him right off
once you break apart, (sohee hardly breaks apart your kisses… the loverboyism) sohee’s looking at you kinda dazed
“alright that was better than my stories.. another?”
— ANTON
anton is sooo sweet
whenever he can, and he sees your coursework laid out on the table he tries to help even if he’s not too sure on the topic
he always compliments you too, calling you the smartest partner in the world
today though, he looked the cutest, he had pushed his glasses up against his hair somewhat holding it back
“jeez this is confusing, it’s telling you to do two things at once, babe.”
as he leaned over pointing to something on the paper in front of you, you couldn’t help but nudge his shoulder and kiss him out of nowhere, planting a sweet one right on his lips
he looked a bit dumbfounded when you broke apart from it, since he was clearly pretty into the coursework help
he smirked once he regained his composure sitting back in his seat, “what… you like the tutor vibe?”
you laughed and rolled your eyes, “you just looked cute, needed to remind you.”
“i’m glad im cute enough, ‘cause not sure if my smarts here are even going to save this class with you…. did you enroll in harvard level classes without me knowing?!”
192 notes · View notes
pedripics · 4 months
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IBAI x PEDRI - January 2, 2024 (summary)
He’s doing okay but things are a bit tough at the moment
He spent Christmas at home in Tenerife with his family
They play 'Suika Game' a lot in the dressing room (but on the phone and not the PC because it's free there lol)
He laughed a lot with Piqué in the dressing room. Piqué didn't really like training sessions but he was very good in the matches
Have you ever looked at Pique and thought that if you wanted to, you could dribble past him 7 times? - "Yes (laughs)"
Ferran has supported him a lot and is always there for him
Ferran takes the shark mentality very seriously, so Pedri gave him some shark slippers and now Ferran wears them in the dressing room
He tries to help Gavi every day because he knows what it's like to be injured for a longer time and he's confident that he will come back in great condition
Pedri does pilates now after Puyol recommended it to him
Pedri has Aleix García in his Fantasy team (his brother is first, he is second)
He rarely uses Twitter, he uses Twitch and TikTok more
They are behind Xavi 100%
In his opinion, Neymar looks good with every hairstyle
Girona are playing very well and he thinks that they could win LaLiga
Jordi Alba and Piqué were always fighting but that's how they got on. They just liked to fight lmao
Vitor Roque is wonderful, he is always happy, whenever Pedri sees him he is smiling
He doesn't like press conferences at all because they are a bit disturbing as all the journalists stare at you while you just sit there
In the Premier League, they are able to spend 80 or 90 million for players which is unbelievable. In La Liga, academies are what makes the difference
They don't really talk about the Super League in the dressing room
Boca Juniors or River Plate? - He's only watched one game and Boca won, so Boca
For Pedri, Busquets is the best No. 6 in history
His favourite player is Iniesta (in case you somehow didn't know that yet)
His favourite XI in history: ter Stegen, Jordi Alba, Piqué, Ramos, Alves, Xavi, Iniesta, Busquets, Ronaldinho, Ronaldo (after being forced by Ibai), Messi and Luis Enrique as a Coach (he changed out Ronaldinho for Neymar later)
Luis Enrique doesn't have What's App. If you want to talk to him, you need to send him an SMS
He was nervous when scoring the decisive penalty against Real Betis because the goalkeeper was a giant
Hardest defeat: penalty shootout against Italy (Euros 2020)
He supported Argentina in the WC final (for Leo)
He would like Haaland to sign for Barça (in his words "as a replacement for Lewy because he won't play for us until he's 60") and he also really likes Julían Alvarez (agent Pedri 👀)
His first friend at Barça was Trincāo
A dream: to win the Champions League and the World Cup
Before games, he likes to listen to slow Spanish music (Julio Iglesias? - "Maybe (laughs)")
His favourite singer is Quevedo (everyone act surprised please)
Vitor is only 18 years old, you cannot ask him to be the new Pele, but he has a lot of confidence from the club
He normally always stops for fans but there are always the same 5-6 TikTokers in front of the training ground so he sometimes doesn't stop if it's just them
He is rewatching Prison Break at the moment, even though he's seen it two times already. The first season is the best one in his opinion
He used to watch anime but not anymore
Kounde has the confidence to wear anything
They should listen to the players more because the calendar is so tightly packed right now and there are too many injuries
He would like to score more goals
He found scoring goals strange when he was younger because he never knew how to celebrate and all he did was run and look stupid
Ibai breaks his computer mouse and engineer Pedri tells him to plug it out and in again (Pedri indeed managed to fix it)
Favourite place in Barcelona? - Camp Nou ❤️
Ibai and Pedri played 'Guess these 100 Players' and Pedri guessed 94/100 right (and Pedri realised he doesn't know enough South American players)
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atom-writings · 5 months
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hiii can i request russia, canada, germany and greece seeing their s/o wearing their clothes for the first time? good luck on ur finals :D !!
hetalia russia, canada, germany, and greece seeing their s/o wear their clothes
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1.0k words ~ gender neutral headcanons / scenarios
tw: none!
a/n: holy shit tthis request is so old that its a new finals season :sob: guys im trying. ALSO idk how to write greece. but hopefully its ok
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Russia
Ivan wouldn’t know what to do with himself if you wore his clothing. Like, he just never expected anyone to ever… want to do that?
Plus, if you’re any shorter than 6’ 5”, his clothes are more like blankets than anything wearable.)
Mornings at Ivan's house were always cold. His dacha had been built long before the invention of home heating systems, and he had always refused to modernize anything he owned.
So, when you finally woke up, you grabbed one of Ivan's jackets to keep yourself warm while you made breakfast. It was huge, on him and you, and lined with fur from animals killed centuries ago.
The house was quiet aside from the quiet sizzling of an egg on a pan. Or at least, it was until you heard the dull thuds drawing closer behind you.
In an instant, Ivan wrapped his firm arms around you, picking you up off the floor for a second.
“G-Good morning to you too,” You tease him softly. All he responds with is a quiet grunt, muffled as he buries his face in your hair.
“Should I make you something too?”
He shook his head, “You are too perfect to be cooking right now...”
“Aww, Ivan...”
”Please wear things like this more often...“ He mumbled, seemingly embarrassed.
”What, your things? Should I steal more jackets?“
“Yes... please...“ He said, and you could feel his smile, even if you couldn't see it.
He just can't get enough of you wearing his stuff. He thinks it makes you two look like a real couple. Then everyone will know that you're his (:
Canada
From the start of your relationship, Matthew had been trying to subtly coerce you into wearing his clothes. It's like, one of his main relationship goals.
So if you did it without him asking, his brain would fry.
“D-Dear, what are you- a-are you...?” Matthew's shaking voice makes it way past your earbuds, which you promptly rip out.
You turn away from your desk to face him, and his face immediately lights up.
”Sorry, I- I didn't have an-“ Is all you sputter out before you're interrupted by a hug that sends you tumbling backwards. He's warm as he curls around you, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
”Oh. Uh-”
“W-Wait, sorry... I- I didn't mean to um-”
“You're f-”
“No- I mean-” He pulls away, letting go of you completely.
“Math-”
“Sorry!”
“MATTHEW,” You finally manage to break him out of his stuttering state, “It's fine.”
He averts his gaze as he stands before you, awkwardly playing with his hoodie cuffs, ”I- I just really think you're um- cute in that...“
”Matt, it's just a hoodie.“
”Yeah but it- it has um... that...“ He points to the maple leaf pattern covering the hoodie. That makes you pause, looking up at him like he said something weird.
“It's just leaves.”
His cheeks immediately turn the same shade as the leaves on his hoodie, ”W-Well! It's better than stars and stripes!“
Seriously, anything that shows that you're showing him over America will make him go crazy.
Germany
Ludwig doesn't have a lot of casual clothes, so you're kind of limited in your “stealing t-shirts for pyjamas” options
And sorry to disappoint, but his stoic demeanour isn't getting majorly cracked even by that.
It was a rare occurrence for Ludwig to let you do anything around the house. He cooked the meals, he cleaned the dishes, he did most of the laundry, and the sweeping, mopping, and literally any other task that had to be done. So, in a moment you thought would never come, you were actually excited to be doing the dishes for him.
But, because of his disaster of a “modern, ergonomic” sink, that meant getting water all over your shirt. And seeing how you were wearing something nice for a date night with him, you only had one choice. Throwing on one of his torn and faded old t-shirts.
After a few minutes of washing the dishes alone, Ludwig took his place beside you, leaning against the counter and watching you intently.
“Yes?“ You prompt him, and he immediately looks a little embarrassed.
”Thanks for doing this.“
”You do this every night, so like, it's fine?“
”Y-Yes, but, I still appreciate it.“ He tells you quickly, before placing a hang on your shoulder. You turn off the water for a moment, plunging the kitchen into silence again.
Before you could register it, you were pulled closer to him. 
“You should wear my things more often…” He mumbled before leaning down to kiss your cheek.
“Buy more normal person clothes then.”
Then he pulled away with a groan, “OK, the moment is over.”
Greece
Heracles probably didn't even notice until you said something. Anytime he's looking at you, your clothes are the last thing he registers.
”Oh, wait... uh- sorry,“ You blurt out once you look down and remember what you're wearing, ”I forgot to ask if I could...“
He looks over you as your hands fidget with the hem of his oversized t-shirt. The design said something in Greek, but all you could make out were the words ”FOOD“ and ”CATS” (It was more important that it was comfortable than stylish.) For his part, he looked completely disinterested in whatever you were saying.
“If you could what?” Heracles asks, his tone dry and tired.
“If I could wear your shirt...”
“Oh,” Then he glances over your direction, barely looking over his tea, ”Yes, I see that now.“
”Do you... care?“
”No.“ He says as if what you had just asked was as obvious as the colour of the sky. Despite that, it didn't seem to bother or excite him in the slightest.
He might find it a little amusing when his clothes don't fit you, but generally he doesn't care. He believes strongly in the idea that ”What's his is yours, and what's yours is his.“
Because of that, he'll steal your clothes too. And he might rip them. Oops.
275 notes · View notes
thelaughtercafe · 2 months
Text
Abandoned
Tea Type: Milk Tea
Potential Triggers: Struggling with eating in an anorexic manner as well as intentional sleep deprivation and self care in general.
Pairing: Daryl/F! Reader (Can be read platonic)
Length: 2.4k+
Summary: Daryl leaves, and by the time he comes home you've completely stopped taking care of yourself, much to his upset. He comforts and helps you get back on the right track.
A/N: Me? Writing more self-indulgent comfort about struggling with eating, sleep and self care? It’s more likely than you think! Also maybe I’ve binged nearly 3 whole seasons of The Walking Dead and fell in love with Daryl again. That probably didn’t help. This is just pure fluff and hurt/comfort!
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When Rick and the others returned, your eyes scanned them all instinctively for injuries and when you didn’t see him, you swallowed hard.
“…Where is he?”
Your voice cracked as you looked to Carol and she gave you a watery smile of her own.
“He left. Found Merle and made his choice.”
Her voice was gentle and understanding but all you felt was abandoned and cold and angry. A rare emotion for you to feel at your family. When she went to move forward and put a hand on your shoulder you cringed and hugged yourself instead.
Your heart-broken gaze moved to Rick.
“No. You-you just let him leave?! How could you?”
“We didn’t have a choice. He was gonna bring Merle back-”
“So you just abandoned him?! Let him leave? After everything we’ve been through? Everything he’s done for us?!”
Tears streamed freely down both cheeks and you moved to storm out of the metal gates when Glenn stopped you with a hand on your upper arm.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
You roughly pulled away and leveled a glare his way.
“Get off me! You all might be fine with abandoning him to die with his brother, just the two of them out there, but I’m not. I’d rather take my chances with someone I know will be loyal.”
You whirled to look at the whole group, angrily wiping away your tears.
“Y'know what? Merle was a dick. He was rude, and crass and didn’t care about anyone but his brother. He could be monstrous and I’m not negating that. But don’t forget that Daryl was different too in the beginning, before we gave him the chance to change. And even if Merle didn’t- even if he was still a jerk who put himself before others- I trust Daryl enough to adapt and be loyal to us both. To try and help his brother change. I thought you all would too.”
When you moved to the gate you frowned as Carol blocked the way glare weakening to upset.
“…Please, move Carol. I have to do this.”
“Do what? Get yourself killed? Starve to death as you search for them like needles in a haystack? I may have lost him but I am not losing you too. And he’d never want you to go out there and put yourself at risk. He’d never forgive any of us if we let you leave. Deep down, I think you know that.”
You stared one another down before giving a bitter, watery laugh.
“Guess we’ll never know what he would think now, would we? Whatever. I’ll be in my cell if anyone needs me.”
—–
The following days were beyond painful. You found yourself constantly looking for him on instinct, used to his grounding presence just a ways in front or back of you, the way he’d mumble quips under his breath that made you smile, blush or laugh. You missed your late night talks. Remember as you’d warmed up to him. Told him “Ohana means family. Family means no-one gets left behind.” You recalled the way he’d smirked a little and nudged you with a mumbled. “What are you, 5?” You’d gone on to defend Lilo and Stitch and nudged him back with a playful smile. It had been cold that night and he’d wrapped his arms around you, made you feel safe.
And now, you’d never felt more vulnerable and isolated. You understood what he felt like at the start. Everyone looked at you like you were a wild animal, something to be pitied that could lash out at any time.
Luckily Beth and Glenn had finally given up, but Carol was persistent. You walked around the prison on patrol, her right at your back.
“Please, eat something at least, if you won’t sleep. It’s been days. Daryl wouldn’t want you to-”
“Would you stop saying that? I already told you. I’ll eat and sleep when he’s back, not a second sooner.”
“You’re acting like a child!”
Your eyes flared as you turned to her, though your expression remained cool.
“Well maybe I finally got tired being the mature one all the time. I’m still doing my part, helping everyone else. Just stop caring. Clearly it’s easy enough for everyone else to.”
Aaron joined you both as you were turning to leave when suddenly gunfire rang out, making you drop and pull Carol down with you instinctively. Aaron fell suddenly and you gasped as you saw he’d been shot in the head. Carol’s face grew steely as she positioned the body in front of you both, holding you to her tightly. Thankfully your tiny frame was easily covered.
“You stay still and you don’t move alright?”
Carol’s voice was shaky as you heard shouts ring out all around you. Are you being attacked? You hated that even now you still shook from adrenaline and fear. You heard Maggie cry out as she provided cover fire.
“Carol, take her and go!!”
You both jumped up and rushed over to where you could see Beth and Carl, grabbing guns.
A car could be heard speeding and you took the time to catch your breath as you watched in anxious horror as walkers came out of the back, hordes of them. Your mind raced, trying to figure out where everyone else was. You could all be together and deal with the threat.
You did not want to lose anyone else.
In the distance you saw Glenn and Michonne helping what looked like Hershel thank God and when they pulled up you hugged them all, quickly thinking of who else was left. Rick. Where the Hell was Rick?
You asked Hershel as much and he reassured you.
“Calm down. I saw him, he’s gonna be alright.”
He looked towards the others.
“…He’s not alone. Daryl and his brother are back. Look.”
He raised his chin behind you and you sighed in immeasurable relief at the sight. Thank God. Your core family was still together.
You all gathered and some slept while others spoke quietly in the night. You couldn’t even look at Daryl. Not yet. You didn’t want to break; not when the situation was so precarious.
Once morning came discussions began in earnest on what to do. Some wanted to leave, others wanting to stay. Rick went to leave again and Hershel finally snapped, understandably so.
When Rick returned he began allocating and you sighed as Glenn spoke up, mind racing as you tried to think of the best course of action.
“There’s barely any food or ammo.”
Daryl mumbled back.
“Been there before. We’ll be alright.”
“That was when it was just us. Before there was a snake in the nest.”
You frowned.
“Man we gonna go through this again? Look, Merle’s staying here. He’s with us now. Get used to it. All y'all.”
He stormed off as Rick tried to stop him, heading to the second floor.
You watched the group debate.
You understood both perspectives, you really did. But with a final glance around at the others, you knew where you stood, deciding to voice it when Glenn asked a dangerous question.
“Deliver Merle to the governor. Bargaining chip. Give him his traitor, maybe declare a truce.”
You moved to glare up at him, knowing he was hurting and trying to temper your instinct; protectiveness and annoyance.
“No-one’s saying you have to like the guy or forgive him, Glenn. But think about Daryl. For once. He’s done so much for us without asking for anything in return. The least we can do is offer his family a place here.”
You scoffed as you moved to go to your cell.
“At the very least, he certainly deserves better than you talking about killing his brother in cold blood behind his back."
"Like he wouldn’t throw you to the Walkers to get away the first chance he got.”
You paused at Glenn’s hiss, before looking behind your shoulder at him, ignoring the dizziness that was making you lightheaded.
“You’re probably right. But I also know Daryl would put his life on the line to protect me from that same Walker. That’s the difference. I know why you feel the way you do, and I am truly sorry for what you and Maggie both went through. But Daryl? He’s worth more to me than revenge you think will make you feel better. And deep down I think you feel that way too.”
You walked away before he could say anything more and headed up to see Daryl. You were safe for now, and you couldn’t wait any longer.
He was waiting on his bed, fiddling with his arrows. You took a shaky breath to try and steel yourself but when you opened your mouth his eyes abruptly cut to you.
“When was the last time you ate or slept?”
You winced and looked away, mouth closing as you’d gone quiet. You swallowed nervously.
“…haven’t since you left.”
“‘Scuse me?!”
You looked back at him when his voice rose and saw the anger in his eyes.
“The Hell you mean you ain’t ate or slept since I left? It’s been 4 days now.”
“It doesn’t matter, I’ll do it now okay so just-”
You turned to leave, cheeks burning in humiliation at your secret being out but looked back as rough calloused fingers curled around your arm.
“Like Hell it don’t matter! Look at me!”
You met his eyes and your tears finally fell as you did so. The aggressive tone was a bit triggering, but you and him both knew you wouldn’t have broken down like you needed to otherwise.
“I’m sorry okay!? I didn’t want you to know, I thought-I just…”
You used your free hand to cover your mouth as you sobbed.
“I didn’t want to live in a world you weren’t here with me! They wouldn’t let me go find you so I just- I just shut down. It was good anyway, Carl’s a growing kid and I’d rather my portion be used to help the others than go to waste. It was a good thing!”
Your voice cracked and you looked away to try and gather yourself when Daryl gently guided your face back to look him in the eye.
“You sacrificin’ yourself while spiraling ain't a good thing. I promise I won’t leave like that again. An’ if I ever did, I’d come back for ya. But that means ya gotta take care of yourself. Not worry the others. Beth told me, soon as I got in. Told me you was bein’ a damn fool and to get some sustenance and sleep in ya.”
You gave a watery laugh at that and moved to hug him, hiding your face in his neck and taking comfort in the warmth and solidness of him.
“Should’ve known she’d tell you. Between her and Carol it was getting pretty difficult. Pretty sure Carol was just gonna start force-feeding me soon.”
His husky chuckle made you melt further into him but he sighed and pulled back, raising his chin toward the 1rst floor.
“She must’ve got her stubborn streak from watchin’ you. Now, get some food first before you doze off, you can eat it here with me and then you’re going the Hell to bed. Y'know I’ll wake you soon as anything happens.”
You blushed at the embarrassing question you wanted to ask but he beat you to it, fingers running through your hair in the familiar way he did when you’d have a nightmare or insomnia before he left.
“Obviously I’ll be right by your side. You ain’t the only one who was strugglin’. Kept looking over my shoulder to make sure you were alright. I want you in my sight. 'Specially knowing what stupid shit you’ll do if separated from me again.”
You smiled at the fondness in his tone and pulled away to go get food. The dizziness was getting worse so you grabbed an apple and called it good as you trucked up the stairs again to his room.
He frowned a bit at the small portion but sighed in defeat after a moment from where he was back on the bottom bunk.
“Apple for now is fine, it’s probably best you get your stomach used to food again anyhow.”
You forced the apple down despite your lack of hunger since Daryl was back. That was what you’d promised Carol. You didn’t want anyone to worry about you anymore. You’d been selfish enough. Clearly you weren’t as slick as you thought if both Beth and Carol had caught on.
When you finished it down to the core he moved over to make a small space for you to cuddle into, eyes still locked on his arrow. You couldn’t stifle your smile and moved to make yourself comfortable. Wall at your back and Daryl at your right it felt like you could breathe again and you couldn’t help your yawn at the familiar position.
“Here. I doubt you’ll need if since you’re so tired but it never hurts.”
His voice was gruff but you saw the intimacy of the action as he tossed his familiar leather jacket over you, knowing you slept infinitely better with a blanket.
“You can use me as a pillow too, if ya need. I’m not goin’ anywhere.”
You relaxed completely and let yourself feel safe and contented as you snuggled into his shoulder and neck. The warmth emanating from him was already making you drift off and the dizziness was fading.
“Thanks for not leaving me. Sorry for being stupid and selfish and… like a child.”
He chuckled at that and moved one of his arms to circle you and pull you closer, ruffling your hair before continuing to play with it.
“S'fine. Everyone’s warranted a temper tantrum now and then. Just don’ make a habit of it or I’ll have to smack ya upside the head good.”
“Yeah, right. A big…softie like you?”
You stifled another yawn.
“Doubt it.”
He smiled and you blissfully passed into unconsciousness. He looked up as Carol leaned against the doorway, a wry smile on her face.
“Haven’t had a chance to say. I’m glad you came back.”
He scoffed a little.
“To what? All this?”
Carol came to sit down, voice quiet but clear.
“This is our home.”
He met her eyes meaningfully.
“This is a tomb.”
“That’s what T-Dog called it. Thought he was right…till you found me.”
Her voice was somber but gentle.
“He’s your brother, but he’s not good for you. Don’t let him bring you down. After all, look how far you’ve come.”
Her eyes moved to you sleeping soundly against him in meaning and he looked away a moment before looking back as they shared a chuckle.
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lostcauses-noregrets · 6 months
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By Rafael Motamayor, New York Times, Nov. 5, 2023
On Saturday, the final episode of the anime adaptation of Hajime Isayama’s “Attack on Titan” premiered on Crunchyroll and Hulu, ending an epic tale that started back in 2013.
Like the manga, which ran from 2009 to 2021, the anime was an instant hit, becoming one of the defining shows of the modern anime era, with spinoffs, live-action and video game adaptations, and even a comic book crossover with Marvel’s “Spider-Man” and “Avengers” titles.
Since the fourth and final season started airing in 2020, “Attack on Titan” has been one of the most popular shows on the internet — episodes have routinely trended on social media, streaming servers have occasionally crashed, the opening theme song became a rare anime song to hit the U.S. Billboard charts. Parrot Analytics said it was the most “in-demand” show in the world in 2021, a metric based on analysis of streaming, social media, search and other online behaviors. The manga has continued to be popular as well, selling over 120 million copies worldwide, and several of the published volumes have charted on the New York Times graphic novels and manga best-seller list.
What started as a thrilling yet relatively simple tale of a young boy seeking revenge against the giant humanoid monsters that ate his mother quickly evolved into a thought-provoking war epic. The tonal shift in “Attack on Titan” also came with one of the biggest heel-turns in modern anime, with the protagonist, Eren Jaeger, devolving into a radicalized monster threatening worldwide genocide.
Since the manga ended in 2021, there has been plenty of speculation and debate over Eren’s antagonistic turn and what the story’s ending means. Ahead of the release of the final episode, the manga creator Hajime Isayama, speaking through an interpreter, David Higbee, talks about the restrictive nature of writing and the story’s dark ending. These are edited excerpts from the interview.
The manga ended a couple of years ago, and the anime is just finishing now. How do you feel about the story coming to an end?
For this anime to be made and for that to go beyond the borders of Japan and to reach a worldwide audience is something that’s been a very happy occurrence for me. In a sense, “Attack on Titan” has connected me to the world, and that’s something that I’m very glad happened.
How much of the ending from the manga did you have in mind when you first began writing “Attack on Titan”? And how much did it change along the way?
That was pretty much there from the beginning, the story that starts with the victim who then goes through this story and becomes the aggressor. That is something I had in mind right from the get-go. Along the way, certain aspects of the story didn’t go as expected, and I adapted and fleshed out certain aspects. But I would say the ending of the story didn’t change much
There’s a much-talked-about scene where Armin, who is struggling with Eren’s turn into a mass murderer, seems to thank him for his actions. Can you talk about the meaning behind that conversation?
My thinking there wasn’t really that Armin was trying to push Eren away for the sake of justice or whatnot. It was more that he wanted to, in a sense, take joint responsibility. He wanted to become an accomplice. In order to become an accomplice, Armin had to make sure that he used very strong wording so that he could take those sins upon himself. And so that was the intent behind it.
You have a scene where Eren apologizes to a kid for the carnage he’s going to commit and says he was disappointed in the world he saw beyond the walls. What does that say about his motivation?
I think that refers to the fact that Eren was dreaming of going to this world outside of the walls where there was nobody and there was nothing. There was an excitement about this world that was just empty, a clean slate. I don’t really know whether that’s a good or a bad thing, and I don’t really know why that was the ideal that I set up for Eren as a part of this story. But what I can say is that, when he does get across the wall at that point, he says he sees that the world is really not that different from what’s within the walls in the world that he already knows. I believe that’s probably the disappointment that I’m referring to in that specific scene.
Eren says in the final episode of the anime that he had no choice but to follow the future that he saw, that he was powerless against the powers of the Founding Titan. Armin even asks if he’s really free. Was he telling the truth or do you see this as him telling an excuse?
So the truth is the situation with Eren actually overlaps in a certain sense with my own story with this manga. When I first started this series, I was worried that it would probably be canceled. It was a work that no one knew about. But I had already started the story with the ending in mind. And the story ended up being read and watched by an incredible number of people, and it led to me being given a huge power that I didn’t quite feel comfortable with.
It would have been nice if I could have changed the ending. Writing manga is supposed to be freeing. But if I was completely free, then I should have been able to change the ending. I could have changed it and said I wanted to go in a different direction. But the fact is that I was tied down to what I had originally envisioned when I was young. And so, manga became a very restrictive art form for me, similar to how the massive powers that Eren acquired ended up restricting him.
You have been involved in the anime production for a little while, supervising the adaptation’s storyboards, and have been known for asking for changes to the story in the adaptation. Did you personally ask for anything for the final episode?
Yes. Absolutely. I checked the script, but the main thing was the storyboards. There were different things I suggested. When it comes down to it, it’s really the role of the production to make those decisions. But I wanted to at least give my input so that they could take those into account when they were making the final decisions.
The manga ends with you showing the future of Paradis and sort of the cycle of war continuing. Is there no end to the conflict and the cycle you present in the story?
I guess there could have been an ending where it was a happy ending and the war ended and everything was fine and dandy. I guess that could have been possible. At the same time, the end of fighting and the end of contention itself kind of seems hokey. It kind of seems like it’s not even believable. It’s just not plausible in the world we’re living in right now. And so, sadly, I had to give up on that kind of happy ending.
[New York Times, 5 November 2023]
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starlostastronaut · 5 months
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DAY 01 | A COMPLETE MESS
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PAIRING: han jisung x reader
GENRE: fluff, maybe a bit of angst? not really tho
WC: 0.94k
CW: nothing i think, felix featured for like two seconds
PROMPT: "falling for their best friend. stupid, i know. i mean, who does that?" "i did"
the first story is here! i don't even know what happened here but this was born at one am, so that should be self explanatory lol. enjoy reading <3
title from complete mess - 5 seconds of summer
general masterlist here
mctc masterlist | next >>
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“I got this,” you said to yourself, pacing in front of the boys’ dorm. Today was the day you decided to finally do it - to finally confess to Jisung. It had been too long, and the pining was getting more and more useless with every passing day. You knew he would never love you back; otherwise, the other boys would have said something by now. You knew you were in for a rejection, but you were tired of hopelessly longing. And it was better for everybody to let yourself be officially rejected and move on.
Your hand reached for the door handle. Your fingers brushed against the cold metal, and you gripped the handle, taking a deep breath. “Nope, I don't get this,” you decided in a split second, suddenly panicking. You let go of the door and turned around, fully intending to march down the hall back to Seungmin to tell him you failed and maybe to cry a little. Seungmin gave good hugs, so you would be okay.
Unfortunately for you, at that moment the apartment door opened and Felix appeared in the hallway. “Hi! Coming to see Jisung?” He greeted you in English, giving you the signature Felix sunshine smile.
You could but dumbly nod. “Yeah, that's what I'm here for. I need to talk to him,” you ended up saying. You probably sounded too serious, because Felix's smile fell for a moment. He composed himself soon enough, though, linking his arm with yours and not giving you the chance to ponder his reaction. He led you inside almost ceremoniously, just like a king would his queen. Felix released you once you stood in front of Jisung's door.
“Well, I'm off to see Channie-hyung. Be nice to Sungie, please. It was hard for him to do,” Felix said, squeezing your shoulder gently as a form of goodbye. Then he rushed off in the direction you came from, leaving you to stand there utterly confused. 
What did Felix mean by “it was hard for him”? You haven't seen or heard from Jisung for the last two days. And as far as you knew, Stray Kids were on break before comeback season. And knowing Jisung, his plan on how to spend his breaks included exactly three activities: watching anime with Minho, hanging out with you, and occasionally working on some songs. And neither of those things has ever been "hard", so what the hell was Felix on about? 
Lost in your thoughts and theories, you somehow missed that the little blonde gremlin knocked on the door. So you got properly startled when it opened with a click and Jisung's head peaked out. “What are you doing here?” he asked, genuinely surprised.
“Oh, is it a bad time?” you asked anxiously, even the last bits of confidence and determination to confess crumbling down. “I can come back different-”
“No!” Jisung all but yelled. “I mean, no, stay. I actually want to talk about something,” he said, after making sure none of his members were coming to scold him for yelling. 
“Okay,” you smiled. “I wanted to talk to you too, so..." You left the sentence unfinished, letting Jisung take the lead. And he did. Jisung grabbed your arm and dragged you to his room without saying another word. Immediately after closing the door, he apologized, reasoning his behavior by not wanting the members who might be inside the dorm to know you're here. 
“So, can I-” you both said at the same time. Your eyes met, and the laugh both of you let out was nothing short of awkward. This was it, you thought. I'm going to tell him.
“You go first,” you encouraged him as he averted his gaze. You weren’t sure if you would still have the confidence after letting him speak first, but you would manage. It was better to let Jisung talk first; otherwise, he might get too nervous to speak. 
“Okay,” Jisung murmured. "I wanted to tell you, but I never found the courage to, until Felix bullied me into it this morning." He laughed, short and forcibly, to alleviate the heaviness of the situation. Jisung began pacing in front of his bed, not being brave enough to look you in the eyes. “So you know how I usually do a lot of stupid things? Well… I might have done the dumbest one yet. I kinda… accidentally... fell in love. With... with you, I mean. And it's super cliché, I know. I mean, falling for your best friend, who does that?” He chuckled, but it was very clear he's faking it. 
You stood there completely in shock. Did you hear that right? He actually loved you back. Your heart did a little happy dance at his words. So that was what Felix meant. He thought Jisung had already confessed, and that was why you came to the dorm. Which was when you remembered you still needed to tell him. Jisung was beginning to ramble, and that was never a good sign. You quickly reached for his hands, stopping him from fidgeting. “Jisung. Jisung, it's okay. I did that too.” You whispered the last part, but your words were still loud and clear for him. Jisung slowly looked up, finding your eyes. 
“I'm… I'm your best friend,” he said, so quietly that if it weren’t for your close proximity, you wouldn't have heard him. You smiled and nodded, confirming his suspicion. “Can I..." he asked. It was an invitation rather than a question, and despite leaving the statement open, you both knew what he meant.
“Yes,” you breathed out as his lips pressed to yours. 
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taglist: @stayconnecteed @saintriots @vivioluh
©starlostastronaut 2023 | do not repost/translate my work without permission
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quasi-normalcy · 8 months
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Star Trek series rated by horniness (as rated by me, an asexual, so you know its objective):
Star Trek: The Original Series - what is there to say for the series that invented slashfic, fuck-or-die, and Thiess's theory of titillation in costuming? The universe is full of greased-up pecs and scantily clad women wondering what is this thing you call...love? It's easier to mention the episodes that *aren't* horny. 10/10, for how could it be otherwise?
Star Trek: The Animated Series - It's a Saturday morning cartoon series from the 70s, and yet... 3/10, for the surprising number of scantily clad muscular guys
Star Trek: The Next Generation - Oh, we *start* quite horny; Roddenberry is keen to let us know that the android has a penis in the second episode; but then Roddenberry dies, and by the final season even Troi is wearing a sensible duty uniform. 6/10 for Will Riker, though
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine - We've got Quark's, where the women are scantily clad, the holosuites are for fucking, and the waiters give themselves ear infections from doing too much oo-mox on themselves. We've got Jadzia Dax, who has three hundred years worth of sexcapades in two genders and will tell you about them at the drop of a hat. We've got Bashir and his sad blue balls for the first two seasons. We've got Klingons breaking each other's clavicles to initiate coitus. And we've got an enemy power led by the perpetual mind-melting gangbang that canonically is the Great Link. 9/10
Star Trek: Voyager - Weirdly conservative in its sexual politics. I mean, it goes out of its way to stick poor Jeri Ryan in that body condom, and there's a whole episode about space whales wanting to fuck the ship, and another one about Janeway wanting to fuck an Irishman, and *two* episodes about Pon Farr...actually, you know what? 6/10.
Star Trek: Enterprise - You know what, let me tell you about this series; this series is like a 14-year-old asexual boy boasting about his supposed sexual conquests in the hopes that it will endear him to the cool kids. It doesn't work; there's nothing genuine about it and everyone knows it; no matter how many innuendos he throws in, it's clear that there's no joy in it for him and he'd be happier if he could just go off and read comic books. Secretly, he wishes his friends still wanted to play with action figures. -1/10
Star Trek: Discovery - The show presents us with wall-to-wall gays who just...never seem to shtup each other. Like, I of all people know that sex doesn't define queerness, but...really? I guess maybe they're afraid of being less than wholesome? Anyways, 2/10 for that time that the Emperor went off to fuck a couple of Orions in the middle of a dangerous secret mission on the Klingon homeworld.
Star Trek: Picard - A series so sexless that it can't even show its main canonical couple enjoying each other's company for more than 5 seconds each season. And yet the chaste Jurati/Borg Queen pairing manages to be the hottest thing ever in the history of fiction. Anyway, I guess they technically had Agnes sleep with Rios in the first season, so 1/10.
Star Trek: Lower Decks - Oooh boy, we're at the heavy hitter now, my god. Completely, unashamedly horny. Gene Roddenberry *wishes* he could have done that orgy scene that people on Twitter were freaking out about. 11/10
Star Trek: Prodigy- They're *kids*. 0/10
Star Trek: Strange New Worlds - Not really a lot, surprisingly given their TOS pastiche. Still, we get some stuff with Spock. 3/10.
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