#and now ive told him so much shit about me

[chubbydumplingbarnes]

GUYSSSSSSSSS

Im looking for this one fic i stumbled upon on tumblr but like it was a link to AO3. PLS NOTE I DONT SHIP GOJO X YUJI BUT IF U ATTACK ME FOR THIS POST YOU WILL BE BLOCKED. NO HATE WILL BE TOLERATED. If u dont ship them but hate on ppl who do , take yourself on a walk cos no one cares. These are fictional characters that we watch for entertainment theres no need to be sensitive.

Anyway it WAS a gojo x yuji fic but i didnt know at the time that it was AND IT WAS THE BEST PIECE OF LITERATURE I'VE EVER LAID MY EYES ON.

I will think abt this fic till the day i die , it has taken a piece of my soul and will forever have it.

It started off with Gojo being unsealed and like before he was sealed him and Yuji was in a secret relationship but when Gojo was unsealed he lost his memories about everything that happened like 2 years prior or like from the time he met Yuji Anyway Yuji runs up to him and hugs him and Gojo like freezes and is like "are you one of my students??" , and Yuji is like absolutely devastated.

Then Yuji spends like the rest of the fic like doing all the things that he used to do for Gojo.

Apparently before he was sealed and when they were together Yuji used to bake his favorite flavored peach cake ( i think ) and now in the present Gojo is like "How did you know???".

But then Gojo decided to be an asshole and kiss Utahime for a reason that i forgot and yuji sees that cos for some reason Gojo called him and told him to meet him at the bridge where he kissed her .

Then like Gojo spends most of his time sleeping and at the end of the fic it was revealed that he slept so much because he used to "dream" abt Yuji but in reality it was just him getting flashbacks frm before he was sealed and their relationship.

He was like "sleep is the only way i got to experience having you" or smth like that. And at the end he got his memories back and all that uk the usual.

But god the way it was written i know for a fact god spent extra time on the author cos theres no damn way.

The fic itself thou was really long and took me like an hour to read through my tears.

Anyway PLEASE HELP ME FIND IT IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT IT FOR AGES

Oh by the way in this fic i think Gojo was like 2 years older then Yuji so it isnt like a weird age gap type shit.

Ive tried looking in my search history but still nada🙁🙁

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru #geto suguru #nanami kento #yuji itadori #megumi fushiguro #gojo x reader #gojo x yuji #ao3 fanfic #daddys home #ryomen sukuna x reader #suguru x reader smut #jjk x reader smut #pls help #im going insane

[hella1975]

sometimes i think about the fact my grandparents literally overnight just cut us off and im like. how did u even do that. does it torment you

#eeaao's 'how did you let me go so easily' moment. like i dont let myself even THINK about this too often #bc i immediately beat myself back with the 'if it's hard for you then imagine how hard it is for mum. her PARENTS cut her off' #but like. idk. my nan i couldn't give less of a shit about which is something i always find so interesting #bc even as a child with NO basis for it or any understanding of her behaviour both past and present i still wasn't Comfortable around her #like children are smart actually. i just Knew her vibes were off and i Knew my mum was weird when she was around #like i truly dont think i ever loved my nan even when she was a very frequent part of my life #but my grandad? i ADORED him. id see him multiple times a week and he's the kindest man ive ever met #and hannah what i told you about my mum saying certain people have magnetic auras THAT WAS ABOUT HIM #like i cant actually put into words what it was about him but people just wanted to know him and spend time with him #but he was weak and let my nan walk all over him and when push came to shove he chose her and now ive not spoken to him in 3 years #& i KNOW he loved me. he thought the world of me like it's a bitter unspoken thing between me & my sister that we KNOW i was his favourite #he used to buy me egg butties at agricultural shows when my mum said no and specifically ask for two eggs #he used to sit and eat his soup with me when he came over to do work at the house #he used to play with me. he used to smile all the time. i can so clearly hear the way he'd go ''iya [my name]' with his proper rural accent #or how he'd tell anyone who would listen 'she's tough as old boots that one' #and i could make him laugh like NO ONE else could and he'd light up and go 'give over' and he genuinely enjoyed my company #i KNOW HE DID. and i havent spoken to him in 3 years. he'll be dead soon #and i cant talk to my mum about it bc it's her DAD it is so much worse for her and i cant talk to my sister about it #bc she wasn't close with him like i was and she just shuts the conversation down and those are the only two people #who know my grandad and know what he meant to me so im just here like. he literally stopped speaking to me overnight #i stopped hearing from him i stopped meeting up with him im so so angry with him the love is still there i dont know where to put it now #why couldnt he stay. why did he pick her when she's a loveless void of inhumanity. why werent we enough #hella goes home #my grandparents on my dad's side are also not in the picture funnily enough but idgaf about them. she got that grandparentless swag

[neechees]

I love my niece and nephew but my sister literally keeps dumping them with me & expecting me to babysit without paying me despite the fact she has a job, & I'm tired of being treated as free labor for her

#when i asker her if there was anybody else to babysit she said her friend but was like 'but then if i took them there #then I'd have to pay them' (meaning she offhandedly admitted she doesn't believe she should pay me for babysitting all day) #i agreed to ONE day of babysitting & now ive been babysitting since monday from 9 am to 5 pm #& she didnt even tell me about the other days i literally woke up to my nephew crying & my sister gone so she just left him here #without saying anything #tbd #and she STILL never paid me for watching her son all summer 2 years ago despite telling everyone she was going to #she had a job & good money then too she just. decided not to pay me #i also hate 1. waking up early 2. waking up early in the summer 3. babysitting without getting paid 4. doing shit last minute #so this is p much my nightmare to keep waking up early in the summer to babysit all day without being told about plans & without pay

[fiendishartist2]

guys what if i want to make my own apollo justice game.

#i need to write a prequel to aa4 pls pls pls pls pls #okay get this: so phoenix isnt disbarred yet and he doesnt have trucy. hes still taking and winning cases #one day he gets a call from edgeworth and hes all like ''wright i need your assistance'' and hes like what for and edgeworth goes #''ive been given the most ridiculous case and i think youre the only man in law who can take care of it'' #so phoenix bikes his ass to the detention center and boom. child behind bars #and phoenix is like ??? hey kid what are doing here. and this kid is the most surly mfer on the planet like you couldnt get- #-a word out of him if you tried. hes kinda giving phoenix the stink eye too but hes just the littlest guy on earth #and phoenix feels bad for him so he tries to get a rundown of the case (maybe edgeworth gave him an autopsy report or smth beforehand) #but get this. the kid still wont speak. he hasnt even moved a muscle. and after some prodding you find out this little dude- #-doesnt speak english (i dont love aa6 but i think apollos tragic backstory can be interesting so we're going w that but taking it seriousl #anyways so maya is like omg this kid is speaking khurainese but hers is kinda broken bc shes not from the mainland and only knows it- #-from like prayers #so you only get bits and pieces of the kids testimony. plus he still doesnt wanna talk bc ''dhurk told me not to talk to you'' #so you start following the new lead but you ask too many questions and apollos like oh shit i said too much and wont talk to you anymore #but now you have two leads: khur'ain and a man named ''dhurk'' plus the fact that this is kid might be new to america since- #-he cant speak english but is smack dab in the middle of california. its all v curious and phoenix wants to get to the bottom of it #for the rest of the case i feel like it would go in the direction of ''we dont know exactly whats up w this dhurk guy or where this kid- #-came from but we do get him acquitted and phoenix is able to save him from the dark path he was heading towards'' thus steering apollo- #-in the direction of law and giving him a wayyyy better reason than aa6 gave him <3 #i kind of like the interlinked nature of ace attorney's storytelling. like everything leads into smth else and everyone is impacted- #-by another person before they even become properly entangled w each other's lives #like how mia faced dahlia years before she met phoenix but dahlia was the one to connect them #or how trucy gave phoenix the diary paper but she's also the one who ropes apollo into the waa. even before they know they're siblings #or how lamoire left apollo and trucy as children and when they reunite as adults they cant recognise each other but they all find each- #-other anyways #i could go on but i think this could be cool yknow esp bc i think the most interesting thing about apollo's aa6 backstory is his life- #-post dhurk. like where did he stay? was he a foster kid? was he put into the system? how did that affect him? what kind of ppl took him in #i just wanna know how that whole thing would have effected him bc like when yiu think about it how did he even get to america?? his dad's #-considered a terrorist. idk man i think its interesting and apollo and dhurks interactions are one of the only good parts of aa6

[skrunksthatwunk]

i just finished saw v and i don't have high hopes for the rest of the franchise (based on what ive heard) but im in too deep to stop now

#no i haven't enjoyed the last two no i don't expect to get much out of the next five or so movies. but i need to know. #i guess saw v mightve suffered bc i watched it basically immediately after iv #something i didnt do with any of the others #but i was told v was one of the good ones so i was looking forward to it. i dont think it was burnout yknow #but uh. i didn't like it. i think i liked iv more honestly. strahm and hoffman do absolutely nothing for me #i liked the traps. that was it though #it felt so pointless and empty. it was the first one where i genuinely wondered why they made it. why did they decide to keep going with #this. i think ii and iv both function more/better as setup for their following films but like. at least iii was pretty good yknow #like both amanda and hoffman's accomplicing feels kinda retconned in but at least amanda's an interesting character #what does hoffman have. what does strahm have. nothing. and no i don't think they have much in the way of homoeroticism either. #i don't tend to be so negative and im sorry if someone goes in the saw tags and feels bad about me talking shit about something they like #because i know that doesn't feel good. honestly i'd love to hear why people like v. maybe it'll change my opinion of it if i look at it a #different way yknow? but for now im just annoyed by it. iv was engaging in the moment but very forgettable #i liked riggs well enough but we barely learned a thing about him. he wasn't a deep character at all and i think that's a shame #but v was just a paperwork-based cat and mouse chase. 90 minutes and it still felt like they were wasting my time #why did strahm go to the old trap locations? i don't think he found anything out there. likr it was just a framing device for the flashback #but he didn't actually have a reason to go there. waste of my time #not an original critique im sure but saw ii on seems to be more focused on scale and layers of shit (i.e. having two games going at once) #than using the traps to examine the characters. i mean you go from two guys in a bathroom for a couple hours #learning about who they are gradually at a slow pace vs like 8 people in a house plus cop stuff plus 90 second traps of dubious fairness #hoffman has no real relationship with kramer (unlike amanda) and basically everyone who'd been following jigsaw is dead and so are jigsaw #and (presumably) amanda. what am i supposed to be here for? the vague outline of a saw trap? the type of torture happening? #im not even opposed to that per se but frankly the more they focus on the cops surrounding this shit the less fun it is #why are you making all the traps like 15 seconds long and tied to characters who aren't the primary focus. it's saw #ughh i miss adam. i miss amanda. hell i miss kramer and he was pretty present in this one (flashbackwise) #whateverrr. anyway that poll comparing chainshippng shotgunnshippng and coffinshippng where shotgun was last? lesbophobic. #im only half joking about that. im sure ppl have their reasons for coffin but i also think it's the tendency fandom bias for “two white guy #ships. but hey maybe vi and onwards will add more context to that that'll make me reconsider. i mean i wouldn't have liked the amanda #accomplice thing That much if i'd only seen ii. i think iii really makes it mesh better and it leads to fun character stuff #(though i still think i would've liked it more bc like. amanda was always grateful to jigsaw right? again hoffman comes outta nowhere)

[fleshdyke]

ahsgsjaugejwjg

#sh/sui warning for tags #been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/ #which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk #idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me #and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything #but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time. #like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down #to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk #and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me #and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk. #and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt #one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around #the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a #second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk #i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to #and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared. #idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily. #i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of #thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk. #ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they #kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit #it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to #bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed #and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it #personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was #suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better #rambles #vent

[thecherrygod]

man knowing that there are parents out there controlling what their kids watch and read is. wild to me. like as soon as i was able to read subtitles i was sitting in the living room with my family watching whatever the fuck my parents wanted to watch. the first tv series i watched was sopranos i think, to the point its been long enough that i dont remember a lot of it. like. i feel im at the opposite side of the spectrum there

#my posts #like im not saying that was a good thing exactly but like i am the age that you could see fucked up shit online easier than now anyways #but like. i saw a post about parents controlling what their kids read and it made me think of this #also a friend told me when dexter was airing his mom didnt want him watching it and he kinda did it in secret #im a year younger than him. i was asked if i wanted to join and watch #“hey we are gonna watch (movie that clearly isnt for kids) wanna watch with us?” “i dont want to be alone in my room. yes” #worst case scenario sometimes movies got paused and i got asked if i understood what was going on in there #like maybe that did something positive to my comprehension skills? but still #im not complaining i just. it confuses me so much #i wont lie i really dont remember a lot of those movies or shows tho #i remember the very basic plot of 24. i remember more about lost and dexter and house even if the way we watched it was #weird bc it was pirated dvds lmao. im completely lost at sopranos and i think i watched t hat shit twice. the whole thing #but like movies?? i really dont remember them a lot. unless ive seen them more than once and some of them were more like teenage years then #its kind of a huge blank and movies blending together. i also think this is kinda why i dont watch stuff a lot currently dsiugh #anyways yes back out of the rant. i genuinely dont get it. i mean i get it bc its a controlling thing but. man

[chibikinesis]

.

#life be giving me whiplash lately lmao #my banana boat is down again - an oil leak that shorted my starter 🙃 #stressful time of year because we're coming up on both dads birthday and one year since his passing just a few weeks later #but I also finally bit the bullet and fessed up to the dude ive had feelings for for a while now #totally set myself up for disappointment because thats just been what lifes been handing me for the last year and a half or so #but it actually went really fuckin' well #he was essentially in the same boat as me #definitely FEELING something but valuing the friendship so much that it crippled us both #we've both helped one another grow so much over the last year or so and sort of restored a bit of one anothwrs' faith in humanity #didnt wanna risk fuckin' that up #plus he just assumed I wouldn't feel that way #but yeah it went really well and I'm REALLY proud of myself for taking that leap of faith 🥹 #i told him I'm not expecting anything right out the gates #mostly just trying to open that dialog with him and to spend more time together #see where things go #met up in person to talk about it a bit today and be brought me a fuckin' bouquet 🥺😭 #this is some straight up 'mutual pining but they're idiots' shit 😂 #but its cute and im glad it ended up the way it did 💚 #AND I've already had the asexuality discussion with him so he knows and is entirely cool with it 🥹💚 #actually had that talk before feelings evem came into the equation

[vamptastic]

danganronpa is whispering its siren song to me but alas nobody shares my big brain million iq opinions (drv3 hater) (korekiyo defender) (ishimaru understander) (celeste and hifumi apologist) (kaito hater) (protagonist love triangle poly advocate) (post sdr2 anime enjoyer) (fucking hates the writing bar the first half of sdr1 and ending of sdr2) (never even finished v3 because it was so dogshit terrible and also i genuinely can barely get through the minigames) (problematic psychological horror fan)

#the executions were not gorey enough they were not even that camp. except the celeste one. #leon baseball one was good. the korekiyo one had potential. kaedes ROCKED. taka's concept version was cool. everything else was shit. #everything about the way they wrote korekiyo drives me fucking insane ive written essay length posts on it before. i care him okay. #let me project onto the predatory fem gay man stereotype incestual serial killer. #mostly because his writing was wildly homophobic + transmisogynistic and a horrible depiction of abuse #but had so much potential for a genuinely good character if theyd pulled their heads outta their asses and deconstructed the tropes #which is what danganronpa is all about thats what makes the first game halfway secent #ughhh. its just so frustrating how all the writing js so close but so far. #like genuinely this is one place where i think fandom and fanfic is better than the original #say what you will but it's one of the only fandoms where ive felt p much all fanfic and headcanon done genuinely #has told a better and/or more complete story while keeping the original concepts and tone #unfortunately most of the fandom is insane and/or too preoccupied with shipping (understandable. i guess.) to like. engage with it fully. #and there's still such a dearth of content for my faves #kiyo is like at best a side character and at worse written as even more of a parody of himself 😭 #theres literally like four people in the world who get it max. korekiyo eating spaghetti is still my favorite fan art of all time #...anyway. idk why im thinking about this rn but im nostalgic all of a sudden #i never really got invested into any of the crazy fandom stuff i just read old fanfic and watched from the sidelines #but me and a couple friends had a lot of own interpretation and theories and fanon sequel ideas n they mean a lot to me yk? #genuinely got me to do a lot more writing and art even if it was all korekiyo themed. im like soooo good at drawing him now (lie) #he's still my litmus test for picrews if i cant make him it's shit. he literally just has long hair a mask and pretty eyes. simple elements #anyway whatever he will live on in my head forever.

[mrfoox]

Talking with Fabian and whooooooooo boy that was an conversation and a half...

#miranda talking shit #Uuuh i was kinda rightfully anxious? I told him about how i am a little freak and i basically am down to date 90% of my friends #But i got told by Oliver that it could be i act that way bc i dont want to be abandoned/left so im willing to compromise however they want #Me to... So talked about that with him and yep. We finally got into the whole... 'what are we' business. Or well kinda not directly #He said he didn't want to bring it up but we basically are on the subject so... And how hes worried that i will think too much about him #'i worry the more time we spend together the more your life will revolve around me and you'll value me so much more than i do you' #'it doesnt seem fair to you so ive occasionally not talked with you because i worry about that. You're a great friend but I know how much #You think about people. And im worried if you think about me too much you'll develop feelings or I'll mean more to you than before' i... He #Isnt wrong? Thats kinda how i work. The more people prioritize me the more ill value them and cherish them? But also... Idk if he understod #That i dont actively think about kissing or dating my friends? Its just a thing i know that if anyone asked I'd be down for it. But i dont #Daydream about it or anything. But then again he said some cryptic fabian shit like 'i dont have anyone else to compare with so i assume #What we have is normal. I sometimes want to cross the line to see where i still stand with you after doing it' like bro... Im so sorry i am #I am so far from 'normal' and him having me as his biggest both friend and female/woman in his life is probably such a mess i am crying #Me: ok then cross the line and see how you feel. 'but thats the problem. You dont have a line you're so open and down with everything you #Dont really react badly' I know i... Probably am making things hard for him sometimes but this was an holy shit moment /: hes worried to #Spend too much time with me bc of how i can potentially feel? Meanwhile I'm basically 80%+ of all his social interactions 😭 at one hand i #Appreciate him thinking of me and worry i guess but... Yeah. I told him: listen Fabian. My life does not revolve around you and youre not #The only one i think about. You are safe.' his and mine relationship is my favorite but also i definitely worry bc i know how much what we #Have or talk about or act is his... Only reference for girls basically. I mean outside his mom. He's not had any other girl friends and no #Actual girlfriend. So his reference to whats... Okay and appropriate is basically dictated by me and im seeing that very clear now im kinda #Afraid. Like... Im not normal on any level. If he's basing his view on women on me hes going to have an awful time truly... Idk if i should #Be offended or flattered that he thinks he's the center of my world 😭 like hes not completely wrong. I talk with him multiple times per #Week. But i can also say hes not all i think about at all waking hours lol. I obviously love him and care so much about him but im not #In love with him. Not as far as i know anyway. I dont think of him how i do people i have crushes on for example so yeaah. It bothers me #More that he couldn't just say 'im not into you' bc thats fine. He added the whole element of 'im not sure' like buddy now im going to be #Anxious about that in the future. I guess he have no reference to crushes so he cant tell but like... How do you want me to act so you can #Tell? I want an solid answer putting in an maybe is cruel even to me. This is funny bc tbh i dont even know if i would be able to date him #Even if he said he wanted to. Bc i know his biggest wish is to be a dad and i have nog fully embraced that idea even /: 'i can feel how ego #Centered i am. Assuming im the center of your world like that' at least youre self aware sweetie. Sounded like he was at peace with all we #Said and im here like... Binch there's so much to think about i wish i could read your mind i need more information to understand all this

[hella1975]

update on The Horrors Date: we are now meeting maybe tuesday? because he's a third year and he's got something to do with his dissertation due monday and that's definitely why he couldn't meet at the time i gave him there's no other reason why he'd want to meet in the evening at his house without a time limit as opposed to the afternoon like i said. i am not overthinking this on the contrary im being very optimistic about this entire thing

#basicallyyyyyyy #we agreed on sunday and when i asked him what time he said 8ish #but my flat are (genuinely) having a xmas dinner tonight and my mate has effectively given me a fucking curfew #where she was like 'if you're not back by 6 im killing you in your sleep' #so i told him that and said we could meet around 4ish instead #and he immediately was like no #and it's totally valid he literally told me AGES ago that he had an assignment he needed to do over the weekend #and that's why we originally said friday #but im IMMEDIATELY here like 'he wants me to come to his HOUSE in the EVENING when i have NO EXCUSE TO LEAVE' #like gee i wonder what he thinks is gonna happen.... #BUT BUT BUT i think we're just going to go for coffee now because it's easier? so this is actually a good thing #im like aware that it's me being a bitch and assuming the worst out of him but idk im paranoid about shit like this #if we do just get coffee on tuesday im gonna be over the moon bc that takes away so much fucking stress #i was telling my flatmate about it bc normally i wouldnt have even agreed to get dinner with him at his house as a first date #bc who does that for a FIRST DATE?? that's terrifying no thank you #but because i spent the night with him it's kind of warped the timeline of things and now idk where we are #and my flatmate was like 'so? ive spent the night with lads and i dont think it changes anything about a first date' #and i was like i understand but bestie you're talking about SEX #i didnt do ANYTHING with this guy we CUDDLED and he KISSED THE TOP OF MY HEAD AT ONE POINT #THAT IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN JUST SLEEPING WITH HIM IDK WHAT THE PROTOCOL FOR THIS IS #basically it's all a shambles #but ive had more time to think about it and while that has been its own curse bc ive overthought EVERYTHING #it's also made me realise that this is ultimately a good fun exciting thing and i need to stop being a little bitch about it #hella goes to uni

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

#you need help #thats getting too bad #diary #personal #drugs tw #*sigh* i really wanna get high as shit rn. #i found out today's fathers day so now im stressing bc i dont know how to act happy and congratulate him #like. i dont want to touch him and in not sure if i can force the words out. #...and my mom said to me earlier at least i have a better dad than her..... #haha. i feel like shit. #im just. everything is really too much. #ive been frozen for like at least the last 30-45mins bc my dad interupted me to show me that he assembled my longboard #but like. that really upset me bc 1 he made me stop what i was doing. and 2. he touched something i was going to do #and like i have to fake a smile and be happy but i was super upset so its like. hard not to cause a problem. #idk i need to look up if he put it on right and its stressing me out. #and he started talking about how i need to weed the garlic bc the weeds are big and itll hurt my garlic (obviously) #and just. it stressed me out so much. #like. everything hurts so much and its too much. #and when i told my mom i cant just go back to what i was doing before without doing a routine shes said something like #or well no shit but i dont wanna hear that from you. #also its not even fully ocd. i usually cant go back to what i was doing when i feel interupted. #i rly hate when dad does things and makes me come see when i dont need to bc id rather he just tell me #AND IVE BEEN TOO OVERWHELMED LATELY TO EVEN BOTHER LEAVING THE HOUSE. #suicidal ideation #self harm #ugh. i hate when its like this bc i feel like im faking and then i supress everything and feel like i wanna die. #and like the only way im gonna be able to get through weeding the garlic (or maybe even staining dependimg on how i feel) #is through fucking just hitting myself or something. god i feel so fucking stupid. and im just upset. #...and how the fuck am i supposed to calm down??? and how the fuck am i supposed to act alright n say thank u dad for stressing me out #like. it shows on my face if im really upset. and i sure as hell suck at lying.

[echoxshxrx]

.

#he told me hes sick of dealing with me a few days ago... #i just... #i wanna cry yet i feel so numb #i feel like im a person love was never meant for #i feel like im not enough #i feel like im a fucking burden to everyone #and i feel like everyone would be so much better off without me around #i feel like im never gonna accomplish anything #i feel - for a lack of better term - fuckind dead #i havent had a night that wasn't filled with nightmares invading my sleep for almost 5 months now #i just wanna.......dissappear #idk #its midnight and ive gotten maybe 3 hours of sleep #the auditory hallucinations from lack of sleep are bothering the shit out of me #feel like i cqnt sleep though cause i already know whats waiting for me in my sleep #oh and the straw that broke the camels back today was Wardlow losing but i highly doubt any of yall actually give a shit about him losing so #w/e #echo has a breakdown on main

[3nderstar]

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#i'm gonna jot my thoughts here #i use this blog as an archive more or less of things i like. i browse through older shit a lot. i'm thinking this as a memento or a marker #cause ive spent a lot of time and thought with this subject. so. i think its only fitting since im forcibly and suddenly removing it #that i put my thoughts here and now down #no ones gonna see this and care much anyway. this is for me. past and present and future. #ahem. anyway. #fuck dude. four years for this? #i liked this guy because of how genuine he seemed. he told us not to rely on a cc for anything and set good reasonable boundaries #hes open with mental health struggles im familiar with and can resonate with the rest #he realized his audience was lgbt and decided to not only embrace that but also donate to charities for it #bro supports fuckin furries #and now im wondering if all of that was just to make him look good. if he really believed what he was saying #bc apparently all he cares about is his image? like damn #i dont think he was dishonest with all of it- in particular the mental health and like political standings. but. #the fact im even calling it into question is bad #he (throughout several years) and others (now) have proven just how manipulative and power hungry he is #this guy needs fucking therapy AT LEAST. which he says hes getting and has been at for a while now. with seemingly no progress thus far #but i believe in the improvement of individuals. people can change. they just have to want it. it doesn't seem like he does. #i hope therapy ends up good for him and/or he comes to his fucking senses. i cant move forward with him and i hate to lose this #if he shows Good and i mean Good improvement i might come back. idk. i might still be in denial or whatever #ill keep listening to some of his stuff too until it disgusts me eventually. ive deleted a lot of his shit from my playlists already #if sorry ends up posting ill watch the rest of that as well. cant imagine theyll make anything more after this season though #ill listen to the album once its out too i think. i cant let go of his art just yet #he can't stream can't imagine youtube so anything else is kaput #so outside of that. idk. only time will tell. #sigh. this sucks.

[713-4th-ward-g]

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#idk i kind of find it fucked up that my dad thinks it was a bad idea to tell me about his life insurance plan #he told my mom “ you think it was a good idea telling him ? you know people kill people for it” #almost if not is insinuating that i would do something like that #idk to me it speaks volumes on how he views me as a person to think i would even think of such a thing #it bothers me to think he would think id do that i definitely dont get along with the dude but i wouldn't do that 😂 #like you really think that low of me 😂 bruh that shit is sad to me #i absolutely hated him when i was growing up; literally had everyone walking on eggshells #you literally quite literally couldn't say anything to him or he would get aggressively mad #literally so mad that his screams alone would make my ears ring and hed throw stuff around in his little shed #i would be so scared as a kid helping him with a car maintenance or anything around the house cause any inconvenience #would have the man screaming at me when I've done nothing but try and help and cuss me out for the thing he fucked up something #for years i couldn't hang out with my classmates outside of school near my house without him cussing at me and screaming at me to go home #if he saw me with them at the abandoned next door neighbors house he would literally scream at me and cuss at me to get in the fucking house #and would grab my arm and push me inside; i was just in middle school at the time and ive already been through so much mental abusive #i would get blaimed for anything he did wrong when i would try to help him fix something around the house and it wasnt my fault #screaming and cussing at me calling me fucking stupid in Spanish i hated him so much his excuses are work had him so stressed out #like if that excuses him for taking his stress out on my sister and i; its absolute bullshit the man he is now is just a toned down version #thats why when he did it again not long ago it triggered me so much it brought back so many horrible memories i didnt want to remember #he didnt even apologize to me he just told my mom he was embarrassed and didnt know what got over him like that's an excuse to scream #and cuss at everyone who had nothing to do with him fucking up the wall he had no reason of cutting and cutting a pipe in the process #he was cussing at me saying i dont want to be critique 🤣 like dawg all i was only giving him options to fix the problem #he took that as critiquing and he fucking exploded cussing and screaming in Spanish i was sure we were about to fight again #it wouldn't be the first time ive fought him before when i was a teenager cause he would scream at my mom and grandma #and i would stand up for them and just for that he would throw hands with a 13 year old me a 15 year old me a 16 17 amd 18 year old me #he was a horrible person and i hate it when people tell me he was a good person there that he was a good father cause he provided for my mom #like if thay excuses the abuse he put my sister and i through like fuck that dude he had not right hitting my sister in the face #and mentally abusing us its absolute bullshit and i still have not gotten over my childhood #literally the worst time of my life was my whole childhood for every good time i had there were 10 times more negative shit that happened #so i find it funny that he'd think i would kill him 🤣 for his insurance money i dont want his stupid money #he really thinks that low of me and it's quite sad honestly