#and that's just. so frustrating and borderline gross. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pupyuj · 8 months

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i like how the unnie line all fit (in my head) different smut tropes slfksmf

we got g!pchaewon being the leader needing to de-stress ~ g!psakura is the sometimes borderline sub loser gamer ~ g!pyunjin for me is the perv, either accidentally always getting hard or intentionally messing w/ a oblivious yn ~ g!pkazuha is so obv so subby but since i’m a wh0re for her i have to delulu her as a surprising slight dom 😋

no you're so right anon 😵‍💫😵‍💫

a lot of people write chaewon as this mean, hard dom but i like to think she has her soft moments even while she's taking her stress out on you <3 n bcs she's so nice about it, you let her dump her cum in you until early in the morning bcs you'd do anything to make her smile :((

kkura for me is the hard sub of the bunch, like she's just straight up pathetic but we love her for that!! cries when you edge her, esp when she needs to cum and it hurts her pride if you turn out to be younger than her bcs shiit she's an unnie begging a younger girl to let her come, what a loserrr <///3 but kkura's definitely good w her cock 🫣 pounds into you like there's no tomorrow when you let her, and the simplest praise always pushes her closer and closer to the edge 😩

perv yunjin is kind of spot on but like what if,, she's trying to corrupt you into being her good little slut 😳😳 touching you everywhere, hugging you too tightly, and jerks herself off when she's sleeping w you in the same bed,, releasing her load on your ass and the back of your thighs 🫣 she can be kinda gross with it too like swiping some of cum with her fingers, reaching over, and smearing it on your lips?? 😧 then she pulls you close and feels you up,, burying her face in your hair and getting hard again at your scent 😩😩 somehow you never fucking suspect anything bcs when you wake up it looks as if nothing happened, all you know is your friend is a cute n sweet girl who's always cuddling up to you whenever she sleeps 🥺 but then what if she gets frustrated w you bcs you're so dense??? yunjin cornering you one day, testing the waters and only groping your ass and breasts,,, then her hands slowly move down to your clothed pussy,, her forcefully turning you around and pinning you against a desk?? hands gripping your ass and her cock pressing against your warm core :((( you being so confused as to what the fuck has suddenly gotten into her but you're liking it??

and you don't know how to go about sex at all you let yunjin guide you but ofc.. being the perv that she is, she teaches you all the wrong and dirty things :(( letting her call you a "slut" and a "whore", her lifting you up the desk and fucking into you relentlessly bcs she has wanted this for sooo long, not at all caring about the fact that she is literally taking your virginity </3 cums inside you over and over again, and makes you promise that she will be the only one who can use you like that 😳😳

sdjksdhks kazuha for me is a really, really soft n gentle dom idk :(( big ass dick yeah but she knows how to use it well 😭 always starts off slow with you, making sure you're adjusting to her size well, asking how you're doing every minute she's really sweet :((( holding your hands while she's thrusting into you n everything <////3 but sometimes zuha is wayyy too gentle that you get a bit worked up and just tell her to fucking tear you apart,, and she fucking does! the only reason she always went easy on you was bcs she thought you were too small and delicate for her cock :( but now she knows that you're her strong and good girl,, and she can finally fill you up to the brim like she has always wanted 🥺🥺

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cosmica-galaxy · 1 year

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Hey- weirdlysimp here,

I just wanted to apologize that i ask a lot but I’m just so curious and I like how you write it so I will give one more ask before going to bed and if you feel uncomfortable for me asking a lot just tell me and I will stop m-Kay?

But the ask is how would the MadCom characters react to Player that picks on their scabs and makes them bleed?

~SQ~

Hank would probably grab your hand and try to make you quit picking at them. It was disturbing enough to see his Player bleed, but seeing you actually picking at your own wounds just makes him feel a bit too queasy. He goes and gets band aids to cover up the opened wound to prevent infection from setting in. Deimos would honestly wrinkle up his face and simply make a comment that what your doing is kinda gross. He'll even try to distract you with jokes so you'll leave your scabs alone. Sanford disapproves of it like Deimos. "What are you doing? They'll never heal if you keep that up." He chides, before picking you up and carrying you to a place where he can properly clean the wounds and wrap them up to keep you from picking at them and reopening them. Doc is frustrated that you keep picking at your wounds which are trying to heal. "Stop that. You're going to get an infection if you keep peeling off that protective layer of flesh." He reprimands. If you don't stop, he'll wrap up the wound and won't take it off until the sore is properly closed up. ~ AAHW ~

Jeb is worried and will always call you out on your tick. Trying to make sure you understand that since you're wounded, you are much more vulnerable to infections. Stuff that your being probably can't handle lurks around in microbes. He places bandages on them and instructs you to quit opening the wound back up. Sheriff is similar to Deimos. He's borderline disgusted with how you keep opening the wound and picking at your own flesh. It honestly made him so nauseous that he thought he was gonna vomit. He puts disinfectant on the sore and applies bandages to it and begs you to please keep it on. The Auditor was already worried when you were injured. But now you constantly pick and REOPEN the wound? It unsettles him that you would rather be bleeding than healing. Unlike the others, he makes his finger really hot and cauterizes the area where your blood is leaking out of. Yes, it burns. But it's for your safety and well being. ~ NEXUS ~ Phobos was overly concerned with how his god got injured. But it worried him even more when he finds out that his precious Player was actively TRYING to make themselves BLEED. He immediately gets disinfectant and bandages and makes a whole scene about how you, HIS GOD, needs to take care of yourself! You could get sick or worse! Don't remove the bandages, they're for your own good!

#weirdlysimp #haxorus imp #hax speaks #cosmica galaxy #human!reader x madcom #madcom tag #madcom x reader #y/n x madness combat #madness combat x reader #madness combat imagines #self aware m:pn au #self aware au #madness combat self aware au #madcom self aware au

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drainxx · 5 months

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Dec 7th 2023

I am the definition of skinny fat.

And it’s so frustrating and confusing

You can faintly see my collarbones and ribs and when I inhale you could even count them

I can technically touch my thumb and pinky around my wrists

I have a pretty defined jawline

But I also have

Thighs that touch

Extra arm fat that rubs against my sides

No flat stomach

Lots of fat on my sides and hips

So much fat in my thighs I could grab a handful of only fat

Stretch marks all over, from my hips to my calves from a growth spurt as a tween that only has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older and fatter

When I look at myself I’m the mirror before a shower I can just see all my potential and I have so much it’s crazy. But it’s so easy to forget how gross my b0dy currently looks when I’m all covered in baggy clothes throughout the day. Too easy to forget what’s underneath and my reason to keep going. I see myself as both decently thin, and borderline obese and it’s such a hindrance to my progress sometimes because I often am not able to wrap my head around how f4t I am in the moment because I can never see it, and I’m too used to how it feels. It can be so hard to loose when your not overweight but it also means I feel like I’m so close. It’s such a back and fourth and I just need to remind myself constantly with words how I look because often the only visual indication that I need to change is the fact that I’m hiding under baggy clothes. I can’t just look down at my f4t.

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lacrimosathedark · 18 days

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As an acespec person who is likely some kind of arospec too, Alastor ships give me mixed feelings.

Like, I'm extremely uncomfortable with people really sexualizing Alastor, especially in art. It feels...gross. At the same time, I see people staunchly against people shipping Alastor in any way that's not platonic, which...makes me frustrated.

Look, he is canonically ace, but 1. asexuality has levels, 2. Alastor has no idea what ace means, and 3. words are stupid.

I had no idea I was nonbinary or ace as a kid. I knew how I felt, but I thought it was within the range of "normal". I thought I was "just a person" and "a romantic". I thought I was "picky", and that's why everyone was having crushes while I was chill by myself or with friends. I thought maybe I was scared at the idea of being that vulnerable with someone as someone with anxiety, trust issues, and who grew up falling asleep to Law and Order SVU. And I'm a Zillenial.

Alastor is from a whole other century, in a much more repressive society. If I today needed the internet to figure out that my experience is abnormal and there's a word for it, back when the internet wasn't a thing and queer circles were trying to hide from sight, how the fuck is he gonna know? Especially when he loathes seemingly anything that's past his time, which the concept isn't but the term is as is the way he might find out about it. Fuck, we know he doesn't know what ace means.

He also has no reason to seek out an answer. I wasn't looking when I found my answers. I stumbled upon people who shared experiences who had words that clicked with me. Hell, it'd be easier to think it's normal with how much "waiting until marriage" has been historically pushed. He doesn't know there's even something to look for.

In all likelihood, he thought the "right person" might come along someday, but he also had other priorities and didn't care if he found them or not. Why would I go searching for a love I may never find when I can spend my time focusing on my career, dancing with friends, and plotting various murders? That sounds like a lot more fun and a more effective use of time, wouldn't you agree?

And look, in general "finding the right person" isn't a "cure" for asexuality anyway. Except it can look like that on the surface if someone is anything other than 100% sex-repulsed asexual. And (allos writing aces don't seem to know this) sex-repulsion can also be very spectrum-y too, and actively fluctuate.

I'm demisexual, and would actually consider myself sex-repulsed. I have never liked viewing sexual images or videos, it makes me borderline nauseous. I absolutely will not read pure smut. The concept of engaging in sexual activity myself makes me cringe. To me, sex generally brings to mind too much physical contact and gross bodily fluids. I'm disgusted by even getting other peoples' sweat on me. I'm okay listening to friends talk about their interactions only to a limited extent--I need to be able to have distance and not be given extreme detail.

But if I think about someone I actually like, or if I'm reading a story that has had a buildup in the relationship, it's...nice. It's a very different experience. It seems less like too much touch and gross bodily fluids and more like intimacy. It's...I'd almost call it pleasant? It's hard to describe, but it's a complete shift in mindset depending on circumstances. Most of my inherent reflexive disgust just goes away.

There's a chance Alastor could be like that. He is, quite clearly, some kind of sex-repulsed (thank you Angel Dust) but that doesn't completely block him out of sexual interest. But Angel is...excessive about that side of his personality. And that could be part of why the repulsion seems so strong with him. There are levels of tolerance. I can watch Hazbin Hotel and Angel Dust, but I can't comfortably watch Helluva Boss because the first episode Stolas is...very explicit. It's just too uncomfortable for me to sit through. (this also isn't a judgement of whether it's a good show or not, it's just not for me)

And even if Alastor doesn't experience attraction, he could still have sexual engagement with someone for other reasons. I don't think we have solid confirmation that he's aro, but even then that is again a spectrum and Alastor has no inkling on the concept.

He could involve himself in sex because he has romantic feelings for someone and that outweighs his disgust. Or perhaps even intense platonic feelings, disconnecting the act of sex from romance entirely. QPPs can do anything they want and honestly I feel like those labels are super blurry anyways, because what denotes an action as romantic or sexual or platonic besides intent and perception? Like, friends can cuddle, happy lovers can sleep in separate beds, people joke about kissing the homies good night. Words are messy and nothing matters.

He could also use it as a manipulation tactic. Because if there's one thing we know about Alastor, it's that he's a manipulative little shit. And while the reward would need to be extremely high, I could see Alastor using someone's attraction to him against them in that way. Why would he not use every tool at his disposal?

And from personal experience, a lot of writing in the fandom is through the lens of Alastor being non-sex-repulsed asexual, or otherwise demi- or greysexual. And while I could definitely use more fluidity in the sex-repulsion category (cuz unfortunately a lot of people write it as either completely repulsed or not repulsed whatsoever), at least a good number of people are trying to be respectful. Just because they ship Alastor with someone doesn't mean they are being disrespectful or casting aside his orientation by default.

And while Alastor being enthusiastic about it is extremely ooc and I hate that with my very soul, people are allowed to play with fictional characters how they want to. They aren't real. Neither are the Barbies whose faces you smashed together as a kid. They aren't actively hurting real people, and don't necessarily think differently of real ace people.

I'm aware that I may be projecting my sexuality onto Alastor given that he has shown sex-repulsion that I relate to. Maybe I think the idea of him being romantically involved with someone is cute. Maybe I don't mind the idea of him doing sexual things for love or other personal gain like power or control. But who the fuck am I hurting by doing that? Who is anyone hurting by doing that?

And dude, you're watching a show about redeeming sinners, showing that some of the worst people can change and puritanical people are irrationally judgemental asshats. Someone portraying an ace character as not 100% sex-repulsed is a weird line to draw there.

If you're a 100% sex repulsed asexual who's uncomfortable with people shipping Alastor, that's perfectly fine. But not every asexual completely shares your experience, and life itself is uncomfortable. And for better or worse that isn't going to change. I suggest you simply avoid engaging as much as you can for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Blocking tags and accounts is actually great for that. Someone doesn't have to be a dick for you to block them, and you won't have to see their content anymore. Tumblr Savior is a helpful tool too.

This is my very longwinded way of saying just because Alastor is aroace doesn't mean he can't be in a romantic-coded relationship, a qpp that isn't specifically stated to be such, or engage in sexual acts. And writing him ooc is icky but also completely fine and people can do what they want.

#Hazbin Hotel #Alastor the Radio Demon #asexuality #so many words #why can I not write anything but fucking essays

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roleplayhonestybox · 8 months

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theres a ship in my main fandom thats really popular for some reason that i just dont understand. not for a lack of trying, i can see the main appeal, but i dont know how this many people are in love with it. ive been trying to rp the ship, but it feels like every person whos into it seriously doesnt understand the characters, and would rather play the "fandomized" verions of them.

they make one of the characters a total himbo, when, logistically, he can not be stupid. he has to be pretty damn smart to accomplish the amount of things hes accomplished.

the other character, it feels like borderline racism the way people portray him. im not from his culture and im white, but it definitely feels insensitive and babying towards a race where babying is one of the main sources of microaggressions (this isnt to say hes completely inoffensive in the main source. i wouldnt say hes not a stereotype in canon, he very much is, the fandom just takes it a step further). they make him completely naive to anything american at all, when i know that literally cant be the case. theyll make him aggressively hate US american culture while secretly loving it in private, and it feels really gross the whole time.

it feels like im the only guy who understands these characters. maybe im just biased because i never liked the ship to begin with, despite trying really hard to enjoy it like everyone else. i also know im taking this too seriously, but man. it sucks either way.

this isnt a rant on one specific person or anything, ive been experiencing these issues with this part of the fandom for months now, but i worry that if i voice it publicly, people will get upset.

i guess my parting words are always do research into the cultures and characters you write. please, especially the cultures. it feels so frustrating to know just how wrong someone is writing a characters cultural background.

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trulymadlysydney · 1 year

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Hello period havers (and more specifically… maybe endometriosis havers???) I have a lot of TMI period stuff and questions below the cut, and I feel silly posting this all here but I just... am at a loss dlkj;faljd

So if you’ve been here a while you know the absolute struggle I’ve had for… basically my entire life trying to get diagnosed with SOMETHING. My periods are very abnormal and every doctor I go to agrees that something is wrong, but then every time I get tested, I am dismissed and told that birth control is the answer to all of my problems. (It’s not. I’ve been on it multiple times and it hasn’t helped a thing.)

I honestly have been thinking that endometriosis may be the problem for years and years now, but the one time I presented it to a doctor, I was met with “no no, you’d know if it was endometriosis so we’re not gonna look into it.” I know one of the biggest symptoms is painful sex, but because I’m not sexually active I don’t feel validated enough to bring it up to them after the other doctor shut me down for it.

Most recently I had a horrific and borderline traumatizing first Pap smear experience, despite not being sexually active. It was so unbelievably and abnormally painful. I’ve read that Pap smears should be uncomfortable and slightly painful at most, but this was the most pain I’ve had down there since being SA’d in college. Several other factors led to me deciding not to go back to this doctor, so now I’m back at square one. I don’t think it should have been that painful. Tampons hurt as well. Other symptoms that lead me to believe it could be endo are painful ovulation, a weird pinching/pulling stomach cramp during ovulation and menstration, sciatic pain, intense bloating/pressure feeling, and more recently there has been spotting for up to 4 days before the period actually starts (which consists of 8+ days of intense heavy bleeding... my bedroom floor looks like a crime scene right now and that's never happened in the 16 years I've had my period.)

I’m sorry to like, dump all this gross and tmi shit on you guys but I’m so frustrated, and I’m back at square one trying to find a doctor because, again, I don’t feel validated to bring it up since I’m not sexually active and the last one I asked about it made me feel stupid. So if anyone has endo (or anything else tbh) and this sounds like you, please let me know and tell me what’s worked for you other than birth control.

Peace and blessings sorry about this post bye dhsjdbd

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golbrocklovely · 1 year

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people who ship larry and really anyone who tries to force a certain sexuality on people irk me like no other. and it’s sooooo embarrassing

i’ve seen grown ass women like 60+ who have children and grandchildren trying to convince people that “larry is real” 🫠 do whatever makes you happy but seriously? you have a family and much bigger responsibilities so why are you focusing on two people who have said either that larry wasn’t real or that they weren’t gay. i hate even saying the word larry. if you have to consistently look for “proofs” in between the lines of the things they do than maybe it’s time to let it go.

i have never once thought they were romantically involved. the boys in my highschool class were FAR worse than harry and louis. like you would genuinely believe they were in love or something because that’s what teen boys do, they think stuff like that is funny.

anyways sorry for the long rant i just cannot with people who try to force sexuality on people. if either of them were actually gay and wanted the world to know, they would. it’s 2023 and queer is not a dirty word anymore.

disclaimer: i've noticed that every single time i talk about harry styles on here, i somehow get either asks shitting on him or asks being rude to me bc of some opinion i have of him. i'm letting you know this now - i do not care. idc if you don't like him bc "he queerbaits and his music isn't even that good and he didn't deserve his grammys and blah blah blah" IDC. sorry. i don't want your think pieces. i don't care what you have to say about him, especially if it's negative. if you don't like him, totally fine. but i do, so just move it along then. don't read this ask. why frustrate yourself over someone you don't like.

now about your ask lol

imma be honest with you, i don't really know everything about larry, mostly bc i was never into one direction (jonas brothers fans where you at?) but i did at one point or another watch some videos on them, out of curiosity. and let me tell you, the lengths some of these ppl go to is very interesting to me. bc at some point, you just gotta face facts: they aren't together. and that's okay.

especially when you try to question their sexuality and shit. that's when it gets gross to me, too. you aren't owed an answer to someone's sexuality, and questioning will not make the person more comfortable to come out, if that's something they are considering.

i don't mind the occasional conspiracy theory or kiki about fandom drama - god knows i would be a hypocrite if i said otherwise. but there comes a point where you gotta be honest with yourself and what actual reality is vs what you want it to be. those are very much TWO DIFFERENT THINGS.

like i've seen some ppl go as far as to claim that louis' baby isn't really his and that harry is contractually obligated to appear straight and shit like that and i'm just like…. none of this exhausts you? bc this is such a reach, and borderline insane.

is it possible that maybe, at one point in time, louis and harry could have been a thing? sure. i'll give you that. they were both young boys thrown into fame and needed someone to lean on, so i can believe that maybe they leaned on each other and things could have gotten more than just platonic. but clearly, that just isn't the case anymore. let it be.

if you still believe, you're allowed to. go ahead and do so. but don't expect everyone to agree with you.

#ask #personal

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xb0rder-7inex · 3 hours

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It literally disgusts me to think of crying over him after all that happened so sitting with the anxiety is my only option and sometimes unbearable. I worry I will fall back into that weakness but I will try my hardest not to let myself. I hate being borderline because I never know if feeling fine is a true recovery or just the cycle.

I'm not thinking about kms anymore and that's a huge improvement because I was suic*dal for six weeks. And I attempted and it failed and I felt the same way for two days afterwards for not being successful and then I just didn't feel that way anymore. I started looking at my life as something to grow into, and putting less focus on what I'm losing. I'm honestly feeling kind of weird about adding him back again after this. I might do it and just not react to him at all and see what he does. I feel like it's just going to be a lot of blocking right now and that he has no intentions of trying to see me. It is a lot of emotional abuse just like the last time.

I think if he ever wants me to love him again he's going to have to try harder. My circumstances are so different this time. I'm doing it all alone and literally have nothing left to lose lmao. Which kind of gives me an upper hand emotionally.

I'm scared but I get to build something that's mine. I really don't think I'll be blocked long but knowing I have bigger things to focus on and a routine to keep me occupied makes it okay anyway.

I'm just going to post here every time I have a feeling instead of wasting my energy splitting on him because it's not worth the reactive abuse.

I like that I'm doing it alone because I'm not being influenced by anything anybody is telling me. It's filtered directly into what he's showing me and I have no idea why he's having a tantrum and trying to be really emotionally controlling but I imagine it's because he's frustrated even though he's literally the one who put us in this position lol.

I'm going to keep documenting because court is months away and it isn't over until it's over lol. I'm not putting labels on him at all this time because I don't need to scare myself like that. He just has very toxic and abusive traits that he doesn't seem to be willing to change. And that's a yikes for me. Because how much fucking character development have I done in the last six months. Very steady therapy every single week, and I started a mood stabilizer this year. The fact that I'm not even reacting to him blocking me is a huge win.

I truly am just shocked that after everything he didn't change one single little bit at all. Truly taken aback. To know I lost everything and tried to kill myself and to not care is really gross.

I'm not even trauma bonded anymore I don't think. All I feel is anxiety and I think that's normal. I'm not even sad lol. I'm a little bit angry but not enough to split on him. Disappointed but not surprised? Yep.

The peace feels strange after a year and a half of chaos. It's the mood stabilizer for sure. If it's working for me like this to keep my emotions actually level for once then this drug is going to change my life because I can separate my real feelings from my borderline feelings 😭

If I can remain unreactive to him then I will have become the woman I've always wanted to fucking be. I've never ever been a woman who didn't react. I'd love to be that woman.

I'm still not overly optimistic three days after my attempt, my life is still pretty bland and boring, but for the first time maybe ever I feel like my emotions are moving in a straight line and that really excites me because I can trust a feeling that lasts.

There is a downside to that in that it manifested itself in darkness first because I had never felt so heavily depressed and that stable at the same time. So I knew I WAS ready to kms because that feeling didn't waver for six weeks. It's been two full days that I've felt neutral about this decision and I feel like I can probably trust this feeling too.

That day was obviously ridiculously traumatizing but it changed something in me. I am having some pretty intense PTSD flashbacks which are extremely uncomfortable so I try to repress it and Ive always been pretty good at deleting memories so it's working lol. I only remember it when I have flashbacks now which I know will subside eventually. I'm not ready to talk about it and I don't know that I ever will be I think that's something I probably want to keep to myself because it was so real, so so real. Just so impulsive but so so ready to go.

I also just remembered that that's the last time I reacted to him blocking me. The last time I reacted, I tried to kms, and then I got out of the hospital and I stopped reacting to him blocking me. I stopped swearing at him. I truly and genuinely stopped caring. And what an odd feeling. To have gone from loving someone so much like that to truly feeling nothing for them at all.

I'm going to continue to journal here as much as I need to in order to cope with the anxiety. I'm not even forcing myself to say that I don't love him or don't miss him. He is abusing me right now and all I can control is how I react to it.

My goal is calmness. To be neutral. To be unattached and mindful.

#actually borderline #bpd #being borderline #borderline problems #borderline things #bpd stuff #bpd problems #bpd fp #bpd vent #bpd relatable #lamotrigine #tw : dv #tw : suicide

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secretsecretbunny · 1 month

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As a 💅🏻🏳️‍🌈 I completely agree with your post. THIS pisses me off soooo much. We’ve become just something to fetishize which then in turn feels dehumanizing. The fact that people can’t see how incredibly disrespectful it is, is frustrating. And to say that intimacy is gay is so crazy to me. Have these people never had a close friendship or even friendship at all that’s so sad. Also with the fact that (to me) one of the most disrespectful, vile, and hurtful things a person can do to someone who is gay (and in the closet still) is out them. How can you (the people who do this) claim you love/respect someone and constantly out them like that (even if they are gay, which they have NEVER admitted to). Making/reposting videos, articles, pictures, and etc. like LOOK LOOK PROOF… that to me screams not love or respect at all. It’s like borderline wanting their career and life destroyed. And the excuses of saying that they are just showing those idols that they will be there for them and show them love so they come out is stupidity. These are children or adults with the brain of children who don’t know how the real world works. I wish these rocks for brains would find a new hobby like going outside and making actual friends so they know what that’s like and stop using us as some sort of prop for their weird as fetish joy. Sorry to rant. I just needed that off my chest. The idol shipping is insane and gross and it is even happening in real life with actual people who aren’t famous but just daily interacting with one another. They are truly delulu as the kids say.

no no you're 100% valid. tbh when I was a baby queer, before I accepted that I was pan, people constantly pushing "omg you're definitely gay because the way you're so affectionate with your female friends is sus!!" almost made me stay in the closet and force heterosexuality on myself because people being so dead set on MY identity, made me SO uncomfortable. especially the way men would react to it.. it made me shy away from being platonically affectionate with my friends because I was so afraid people were going to force labels on me, and this has VERY MUCH happened with idols too!!! like certain idols won't be affectionate with their group mates on camera anymore because of the way fans react to it and it is SO sad like...

like having ships is okay to a degree but once you start fetishizing and obsessing over it and bringing everyone in on it, it's gross and weird and not okay!!!

but also public shipping has really made queerbaiting a normal thing in the kpop industry and I can't say that I love that one bit 😒

#asks

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purplesurveys · 8 months

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1735

1 - When was the last time you met someone for the first time? Two Mondays ago. I went to a networking thing and chatted up a bit with the CEO of a local talent agency and a few of her employees.

2 - What’s the longest amount of time you’ve gone without bathing? 3 days was probably my longest range that made me go, "dude, you're gross." lol.

3 - Have you ever cooked with crab or lobster? Could you ever bring yourself to kill a live lobster/crab? I've never cooked with either and don't think I can kill any kind of animal for the purpose of cooking.

4 - What’s your favourite font? What size and colour do you prefer to use when you’re doing surveys? My favorite font to use in work decks these days is the one called Red Hat Text. As a standard, I like to stick with black and font size 11 but I switch them up if necessary.

5 - Have your clothing choices changed since COVID hit and you started to stay at home more? Yes. I used to be big on short dresses and shorts pre-COVID...not sure why that changed but in any case I hate showing leg skin now as it makes me feel exposed. K-pop's also made me lean towards more oversized/baggy apparel.

6 - When was the last time you went through a drive-through? I wanna say around a month ago? I just wanted a McDonald's cheeseburger after a long F2F day at work.

7 - Which fast food restaurant do you go to the most? What do you tend to order when you go there? McDonald's is my favorite partly because it's always a safe option to go with, and partly because I work with them so there's a bias hah. McNuggets used to be my go-to order, but now I find myself always getting a double cheeseburger with a request to remove the ketchup, mustard, and pickles.

8 - Do you own any plaid/flannel shirts? I don't think so.

9 - If you eat it, how do you like your steak cooked? What sauces and sides do you like to get with it? If you’re vegetarian, what would you have instead of a steak dinner? I like it rare; even medium-rare would make my eye twitch hahaha. I've never been picky when it comes to the sauces and sides.

10 - Are there any foods and drinks you only have around Christmas? My grandma's specialty dishes, especially her steak. She also makes this like creamy chicken thing but I can't for the life of me remember what it's called.

11 - Does it bother you when dogs jump up at you? Does it bother you less if it’s a smaller dog? No, it has never bothered me and I don't think it will. That changes of course if the dog is jumping because it's planning to bite my face off, but as far as friendly dogs, I'm open to all ways they'd like to show interest/affection.

12 - What kind of animal did you touch last? Was this animal one of your pets? That would be Cooper, and yes he is one of my dogs.

13 - Which colour do you prefer, red or blue? Blue.

14 - How would you describe your sense of humour? Have you ever offended someone when you were only joking? It's all over the place because I'm easily amused – I can laugh at anything from bad dad jokes to borderline offensive humor. To the second question, I'm almost certain that I have. It can happen.

15 - When was the last time you cried - what caused it? Yesterday. I was telling my parents that I got promoted again but that I don't want the higher position anymore, and that I plan on leaving the company in 2024. My dad sent me a private message and said his congrats but that he will also support me through whatever decision I make, and that made me cry.

The last few days have been mentally taxing precisely because of thoughts I've had about finally cementing my decision to leave for good, and those were the words I really needed to hear. Everyone else I've shared this with otherwise tells me to consider the higher raise and the nicer shinier label I can soon call my own, and that's just...not where I am right now, so it's frustrating when it's reinforced over and over.

16 - What’s your favourite flavour of potato chip? Salted egg or honey butter. Or just plain, that works well too.

17 - Do you have a lot of artwork around your house? What kind of art? We have a few generic, mass-produced paintings and miniature sculptures but that's it.

18 - When you paint your nails, what kind of colours do you tend to go for? I never get my nails painted. Just seems like a minor pamper-y luxury I can easily live without.

19 - Do you prefer fruit or vegetable juice? What kind of flavours do you like? I do not like the idea of either.

20 - What’s the weather doing where you are? Is that typical for this time for this time of year? There are like two typhoons doing a dance in the country rn so it has been awful, but on a more privileged note I do enjoy the colder temperature and nap weather it's been giving. And yeah, this is usually the time we have a slew of typhoons coming in every week.

21 - Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? How did you meet this person? It was just the receptionist at the restaurant I had reserved a table at for my mom's birthday lunch today. I never 'met' her and I just called the number because it was indicated on that restaurant's Instagram.

22 - Are you eating or drinking anything right now? I have my usual cup of coffee which is never absent when I take surveys.

23 - Who was your first celebrity crush? Which celebrity do you like now? My first celebrity crush was Ashley Tisdale and these days I like BTS.

24 - When was the last time you went to Starbucks? What did you get? Two Sundays ago – I got their new iced brown sugar shaken espresso (why must such a good drink be such a mouthful to say?) and their Belgian chocolate cupcake.

25 - Do you have a credit card? How much money do you owe on there? Continued from last night. I don't own a credit card.

26 - What colours have you dyed your hair in the past? What kind of colours would you like to dye it in the future? I've done brown and purple so far. I want to go purple a third time soon, but I'm also kind of wanting to finally try green. I'll probably only decide once I'm already asked at the salon.

27 - What’s your favourite Christmas movie? When was the last time you watched it? Love Actually. I've stopped my habit of watching it every Christmas, so the last time I saw it was around 3 or 4 years ago. It's A Wonderful Life is really good too, but I've seen it much less often.

28 - What’s your favourite brand and flavour of ice-cream or frozen yoghurt? I'm not a fan of froyo, but I do like cookies and cream ice cream!

29 - When was the last time you visited the dentist? Early August.

30 - What time do you consider to be too early to go to bed and to get up in the morning? When was the last time you went to bed/got up at those times? 11 PM would be too early for me; as for waking up in the morning, 6 AM will feel weirdly early – like it would make me go "why the hell am I up at this hour?" lol. I wake up at 6 AM pretty often, but I can't remember the last time I fell asleep before midnight.

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colby-k · 1 year

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Medical Anomaly

In previous posts, I talked about my epilepsy and some of its downsides for me. Well, there's more.

My seizures are normally convulsive, tonic-clonic seizures. They are like the ones you see people having on TV. They are rough sometimes. I've injured myself plenty of times, including a black eye, a purple tongue from biting it so hard, a huge goose egg on my forehead, and many others. I have permanent bite marks on my tongue from biting it. One time, after a seizure, I bit the tip of my tongue so hard it was numb for three days.

Besides my injuries from my seizures, I also get very bad headaches afterward. Once I wake up from one, I'm very disoriented and not coherent. I don't remember much after I wake up from one because (1) I'm disoriented and don't know my lefts and rights, and (2) I just usually take a nap after to reset my system.

I also have focal seizures. For me, it's when my head (usually) and my eyes start seizing, but I can't move or talk. I'm aware during these and they usually only give me a headache, nothing else.

My seizure patterns are very sporadic, too. At 12 years old, when I first started having them, they only happened once a year. Then, they gradually became more frequent. Recently, they've been almost once a week.

Along with my seizures, I have what's called an essential tremor. This is basically just me shaking a lot. I can barely write. I cannot draw a straight line. I can barely type sometimes. It's quite frustrating. It also happens in varying degrees. Some days are better than others. Sometimes I can write very well, other days I can't even hold the pen to the paper.

In the mornings, around 9:00 (give or take), I get dizzy, too. Like the tremors, the dizziness is worse on some days than on others. On the bad days, I will lie down and take a solid nap. That usually helps. On the good days I just wait it out.

Unfortunately, it does come with side effects. Usually, but not always, I'll get motion sick and vomit. I know that's gross, I'm sorry. I'll also get a bad headache that sometimes evolves into a borderline migraine.

This is all very annoying to me. I've been experiencing seizures for the last 11 years. They have been sporadic, they've been close together. I even had four seizures in one day before they gave me Ativan at the hospital to stop them. That was a frightening day.

My dizziness happens just about every morning, and I can never tell to which degree it will go. Usually, I cannot read, write, or type. I can barely walk. It's a mess. I'm a mess.

My neurologists and epileptologists (epilepsy specialists) have been trying to figure out my seizures, tremors, and dizziness for at least a year or two with no luck.

However, this past week I had an appointment with my neurologist. We are trying a new medication and lowering one of my current medications. We are also taking one at a different time to prevent my brain from overloading with so much medication. Hopefully, that will help my dizziness without affecting my seizures.

Another thing to look forward to is a new epileptologist at the beginning of the year. My neurologist told me that I will be one of his first patients in the clinic. I was happy about this because I will receive a new set of eyes.

I'm also a candidate for surgery to fix my seizures. I'm happy but nervous about it. Having brain surgery is a very risky thing, as you can imagine.

Along with my physical health problems, I have a few mental issues, too. To start, let's talk about my anxiety. I've been dealing with some type of anxiety for as long as I can remember. I kept it inside of me, though. I didn't know how to describe the feeling, and I didn't think anyone would listen to me because I was a child.

As I got older, I started learning about mental health and realized that anxiety is what I've been experiencing. I still kept it to myself, though.

It's something that is still in my mind, trying to control the uncontrolled.

I also have depression. It's not as bad as it could be, which is good. But, it's still debilitating sometimes. This started to rise while I was in high school, around my junior year. At that time, I was going through familial troubles. My mother's significant other (I refuse to call him my stepdad) is abusive and ignorant. After I was threatened to be murdered by him, I moved out of my mother's place and moved into my father's home. It was something traumatic that added to my already trauma-filled life.

I was also diagnosed with bipolar depression with psychotic features. This wasn't much of a surprise for me because I'd been hearing voices for about 4 years prior to my diagnosis. they scared me with what they were saying. "Just do it. You know you want to." "Go hurt yourself." Bad things like those.

I finally piped up when I was in high school. My dad, surprisingly, got me a therapist when I asked for one. She was a youth/child therapist, but she didn't really understand teenagers' brains. That's what it felt like to me, so I stopped meeting with her and decided to wait to get a new one.

I waited until college to take advantage of the free counseling services at my university. My therapist was one of the best therapists I've had and one of the best people I've ever met. She gave me "assignments" to do to work on my new skills. These helped so much. I felt myself getting better, better than I was, at least. But, progress is progress, and I will take it.

Now I have a new therapist since the one I was with had to leave due to pregnancy. My new one is amazing. She knows exactly how to deal with my problems, gives me assignments, and did EMDR (eye movement desensitization redirection). It has all helped me so much that I could never express my gratitude.

I have also started taking medication for my mental health. They have also helped me a lot. I feel like my mood has been getting brighter, and my thoughts have been less intruding. I'm getting better, and I'm okay with that.

#writing and poetry #writers and poets #medicine #mental disorder #mental illness #mental health #anxious #actually epileptic #epileptic seizures #epileptic problems #epilepsy #bipolor #actually psychotic #lifestyle blog #blog post

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twenytwenytwo · 1 year

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Dec 7 2022 (6:12am)

Something likely worth writing about is my frustration and stuckness within the relationship now passed.

For years I thought about breaking up with Izabel. The sex was off, she was aggressive, and in addition to that, obviously high maintenance.

The sex wasn’t super connective, or perhaps it was just so infrequent it never got there. Anyway, that was bothersome because that’s what I like about it. Yeah, sexual pleasure is fun, but doing it with someone is better. I tried to not let this bother me though as a consequence of not wanting to admit that sex was important to me. In the social climate these days, it felt like my feelings would be easily dismissed as those of a typical guy, something that I didn’t want to be labelled. I felt that it went against other things that were very integral to me.

Anyway, I sucked it up that we rarely had sex, so as to prove myself or something. As that progressed I unsurprisingly found myself leaning towards other girls in my mind. My eyes would easily wander, in fact they were borderline predatory in the way they could find a cutie in a crowd, and just look, as if they were a symbol of hope and satiation.

So, in conclusion, I wanted sex very very badly, and deeply too. I didn’t listen to that and it created problems within myself and in my relationship. Sex is important and not trivial. I didn’t want to make Izzy feel bad by saying this, and leaving as a result.

Secondly, Izzy was particularly unsubmissive. Like to an extreme. It made me feel like I wasn’t being dominant enough, like I had to become to the guy who she would submit to. It was really annoying.

Another embodiment of this dynamic was that she didn’t want to take my name if we got married. She, on multiple levels, was telling me that she didn’t want to be mine, or more importantly couldn’t possibly be mine and that it was basically revolting to her. This hurt me. It seemed so frivolous and yet she was so aggressively committed to it that it was weird. Like suspicious weird. Why did her passion rest in the negative? There was no justification. It was sterile and stiff and gross.

Over time, I believe this brought out my aggression, meanness and frustration, as a final shit test of sorts. At my outermost extreme, where I was verbally cruel in a most creative way, she wigged. Her shield fell and instead was submissive.

I remember we planned to go to a movie one night. It was around 5 and I was drumming. Izzy wanted to get organized and ahead of the game, I wanted to just relax before. Neither of us articulated this. She got upset with me for not calling and get ready. Not annoyed — like upset, completed and deeply. And instead of going to the movie, we argued about it. I was pissed. I was so tired of so easily finding shit to bitch about. I got really mad, told her to go away, leave my house, and that I didn’t want to talk to her. She softened up and said sorry. I said “good”. I was so fucking tired of her being such a bitchy tyrant about everything that I wanted her to experienced the stone wall that she gave me, and maybe something would click. It didn’t.

My masculine traits felt so unappreciated in that relationship. I repressed them and mistreated them, and the moments like the one above are it lashing out from the unconscious. It was pissed, and starving. Still is.

I fumed quietly for years in varying degrees of sexual and emotional frustration. I wanted to have sex, but did not have it in me to terminate a relationship solely over that. It felt wrong to do so, because it undermined what I valued in a relationship, which wasn’t just sex. To break up over that seemed to declare that the relationship was only about sex, something not honourable in my view.

So yeah I brewed. I was distant. I was cold. I was dismissive. I didn’t realize this was how my personal state of frustration and dissatisfaction would be experienced from outside me. My hidden feelings were experienced by others around me as other negative feelings. The truth didn’t make it out of me, but the vibe did, and it made others feel things.

Now I harbour a clog that I fear to take into my next relationship. Hesitancy toward intimacy, sexually. Feeling funny being intimate with somebody. Being stuck in being aloof.

I think what is needed to avoid that is to fully process everything that has happened, and make some distance, then maybe have some fun.

Within the bounds of my relationship with Izzy, the fantasy of sleeping around was attractive, in that it gave me what I wanted and nothing that I already had. I don’t how I feel about it now that I’m single and can do it. Will I go on Tinder? I want to. Will I actually hook up with someone? Fuck some chick and suck on her tits?

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amgurd · 2 years

Note

Borderlands writing was easier to stomach when that same writing wasn't used in every MCU movie and by every writer who wants to copy MCU writing. Okay, let's do a different one: what's your least favorite game that is basically competently made?

I assume you mean a game that is either fine or good in a vacuum, but just one I personally dislike or think is overrated, because I'd consider BL3 and Vermintide II to be games that are functional, but have some huge glaring issues.

I guess it would probably be something like Nier Automata or The Last of Us Part II, at least in more recent memory. I also remember being down on Dishonored.

For Nier, it's just really boring. I know I'm in the minority in this, but the characters weren't really engaging, the combat wasn't much more than button mashing, and the environments were pretty bland. To be honest, the only reason that game is held in high regard is because you can take away a character's skirt, but it basically dumped a bunch of philosophical nonsense (without actually making any point with it) so people could just jump to defend it as being more than the game where you can have the robot lady fight with no pants. It isn't really a bad game, but it's really overrated. There is a weirdness to it that I like, so that's at least something.

I just think TLoU2 is just kinda gross. Sorry, I don't need to watch an old man get tortured by a group of people while they beat him to death in front of his surrogate daughter. I don't really care about violence in video games, but it has to be borderline comical, like Mortal Kombat's goofiness.

It's not really a subtle theme in that game's story that humans are the real monsters, but that kind of horror is a fine line to try and walk on. A lot of times, what can make something in a game actually horrifying is the complete inability to stop whatever it is. Maybe that's a monster that can't be damaged by weapons or maybe it's a faction that's so massive you can't do anything about it. That element isn't there in TLoU2 because they're just people. They aren't really scarier than the other psychopaths in that story, so it doesn't make the situation a "Oh man, how can we possibly stop these guys?" one, it just makes it gross to see them gang torturing an old man.

The entire story is pretty much miserable, and that was 100% done by design, but that's also a huge issue. I always tell people you can't have a story that's only miserable and depressing for the same reason you can't really have one that's only cheerful and upbeat. It becomes narratively repetitive and is almost always guaranteed to be narratively unsatisfying as well, which it is here. It's a one-note story that just doesn't do it for me.

Also, the ending was kind of frustrating too. Ellie spends the entire game having no issues killing other people in her pursuit of revenge, which while not a strong aspect of personality, is kinda the only thing she has going on. The last part of the game isn't any different in that regard. She kills plenty of people for her revenge, and the game even encourages you to free infected to have them kill people as well, so it's kind of clear that killing people really is the only string to Ellie's bow.

So when she gets to Abby and is finally in a position to get revenge, all of a sudden remembers Joel and decides that Revenge Is Not The Answer. One of the only people she had legitimate reason to want to kill, so much so that she killed dozens of other humans to get to it, but just decides to not go through with it. Like, I get that they wanted to make the Revenge Is Not The Answer a big thing there, but it just doesn't work when she's slaughtering others before letting the one person she actually might have some justification in killing go free.

The characters are just too one-note like the story. Ellie and her girlfriend in particular have almost no charisma because they're too similar in personality and goals. It's just a bit of a mess all around and the gameplay is just a nuts and bolts shooter, so there's nothing exciting going on there.

That one got a bit away from me, but I hope the answer was something along the lines of what you were looking for.

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jakesuit0 · 2 years

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Slow Love Review

The episode opens with Finn, Jake, and BMO chilling. BMO finally has a somewhat prominent role in an episode and feels like a member of the treehouse family. BMO is playing a REALLY catchy tune. So catchy that it’s used in real Adventure Time video games. For some odd reason, Jake isn’t enjoying the music. After BMO refuses Jake’s request to turn down the volume, Jake hits BMO with a newspaper several times and puts him on timeout. Finn and Jake never treat BMO so harshly in other episodes. Jake treats him like a dog here (not that you should hit your dog). It feels weird and even the writers have admitted so.

Suddenly, a crying snail crashes through the wall. The snail, Snorlock, is upset because he wants a girlfriend. Finn and Jake agree to help him so long as he doesn’t further damage their house. He is a super unlikable character. He’s pathetic, emotional, insecure, self centered, creepy, gross, and manipulative. He throws a tantrum whenever someone tries to get him under control, like when Finn and Jake want Snorlock to put their house down. He is constantly worried and asking Finn and Jake if they are going to leave him and stop helping. Despite all this, Jake and especially Finn are empathetic to him, even with their frustration.

Finn and Jake help Snorlock find lady snails to flirt with. The first lady is a layup. She immediately likes him and wants to go out with him. He manages to screw this up because of his anxiety. He goes crazy and starts screaming. Just like Jake is often a calming presence for Finn, he calms Snorlock down. The grossness of the episode is kicked up a notch when Finn and Jake roleplay two flirting snails. Jake shapeshifts into gross sexualized female and male slugs. Seeing him flirt with Finn and talk about “mating” is uncomfortable to both Finn and the audience. Jake’s advice isn’t that good. Snorlock goes to a lady, tells her she smells good, and starts sniffing her. He at least gets permission before sniffing her, but it’s borderline sexual harassment. Finn and Jake really need to tell him he’s coming off as creepy.

Snorlock finally does something cool with a musical beat. He attracts a lot of snails, who’s dancing damages their house. Finn and Jake ask Snorlock to stop but he doesn’t give a shit. This is after Finn and Jake helped him all day! What a jerk. Jake puts a stop to it by throwing salt at him. We find out that the reason Snorlock has had trouble with women is because he’s actually a slug, not a snail. It’s an okay twist. It makes sense, because he was wearing the treehouse as a shell since crashing into it. However, even as a slug, he’s still way too socially inept to be able to easily get a girlfriend. Despite this, he immediately gets a slug babe. I don’t think he really deserved a happy ending, especially after he was such a dick to Finn and Jake. I’ll also note that Snorlock doesn’t care about the female slugs individually or as people (slugs). He was desperate to get with any woman.

Snorlock discovering he’s actually a slug and needs slug chicks feels like another allegory for realizing your true sexuality. Snorlock had some signs of the gay earlier. He wanted to mate with Jake (albeit when Jake was in his female snail form), and wished Finn and Jake were ladies when they hugged him. The ending of the episode is great. BMO cheering on the gross, kissing slugs is a classic BMO moment that set the stage for the comedy his character is capable of.

This episode is filled with gross moments. There’s slimy “sad juice”, slugs making out and grinding, salt burns, and talks of slugs mating.

Grade: C

#adventuretime #finn #Jake #finn and jake

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n1k1tty · 3 years

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kiss me ! part 1

jake was definitely head over heals for your cold personality, and he wasn't going to let anyone take you. but heres the problem: he couldn't find a single way to keep a conversation with you. despite your scary demeanour, jake decides to man up and does everything out of his will to get you.

fluff, jake x reader, (not proofread)

jake was frustrated to know that many guys have been after you the second you stepped in that classroom doing the bare minimum.

hearing ‘wanna grab lunch with me?’ here and there somehow always made him ball his fist to prevent himself from being a problem. yet again he couldn’t blame other people for wanting to ask you out either. he even sometimes wished that you had rejected him so he could move on. although of course he didn’t really mean that.

because now he was wandering around the school looking for you while he was on a “bathroom break” during his soccer practice. he knew you always liked to stay at the school rooftops admiring the view while listening to music. not like he was stalking you or anything...

you turn your head to look at the person at the door "you again? when are you going to leave me alone? pervert" you scoff, kicking the little pieces of rocks as you avoid jakes eyes. it was almost the millionth time you've seen jake this day, and it was always for the same reason, to piss you off, well more like ask you out --which still pisses you off.

you weren't one to believe in love, or maybe just not yet. because you weren't even sure if you were capable enough to love someone. even the thought of having to be so sweet and touchy with each other grossed you out, and of all people, jake especially knew that. so why was he so determined to get you to fall in love with him?

"hmmm maybe never?" jake chuckles at the sight of you rolling your eyes "then i'll move schools --countries if that's what takes for you to leave me alone" as you turn around and face him, eyes widened at the thin space between the both of you "and maybe i'll find you"

you raise your eyebrows "well that's borderline criminal act" you wander off "now sim jaeyun i think it's best for you to leave before you add up to my anger --i mean you already are. but wouldn't that be horrible?" jake's eyes follow you as you drag your feet "not really" he states "you're hot when you're mad"

you scoff out of disbelief, hitting him hard on his arm, looking away almost immediately as you trying to hide your heated face "shut up before i'll push you off this building" letting go of the grip you once had on his collar, "alright, alright sorry ma'am. but if you're really mad for whatever reason, come with me. i'll take you to a place" he suggests, offering his hand for you to take "you should be happy. i normally wouldn't even consider letting anyone know about my spot" he shoots you a grin

you take time trying to consider his offer, but as much as you don't want to stroke his ego about convincing you to go with him, you really needed something to release your anger "as long as you shut up about this" you give him a side glance "no promises" he sends a wink your way "ugh, fine"

he gently takes your hand as he drags you out of the school "can you jump over the wall?" jake looks at your flustered face "....no..?" you answer, making a line with your lips, causing him to let out a small chuckle "okay cutie, i'll help you up" you cringe at the nickname "call me that again and i'll break your neck" you step on his knee as he tries to boost you up "yeah that's right, keep going"

but as jake looks up he couldn't help but feel flustered, looking away "i made it!" you pant, hands resting on your knees as you wait for jake to come up as well. but after a few seconds of not hearing him, you call out his name, peaking your head over the wall "jake? i swear to god if you leave me out here i'm killing you"

"n-no i didn't leave you" he stutters, trying to collect himself from being a flustered mess "then come up here! the sun is setting, you wouldn't want to miss it"

"y-yeah it's just that i uh, i saw.....your....you know?" he explains, his hands not knowing what to do "you saw my what!?" you shrieked "no no it's okay i looked away!" he reassures you "ugh, just- just come up here!" you yell, already walking ahead as you try to cool down your heating face "so pink aye?" jake jokes, catching up to you

"SIM JAEYUN!" you yell, kicking him on his ass "ow! okay sorry!"

jake was resting his head on his hands, watching as you play with the small puddle while watching the sunset, not even an hour in, jake panics as he sees the amount of missed calls from riki "oh shit! my soccer practice!"

the following days after that, almost everything remained the same, jake continuously teasing and flirting with you, you getting in trouble for the littlest things, never coming home until the latest of the hour. but yet again, almost everything remained the same

you were now in denial of your feelings towards sim jaeyun. it would hurt too much of your pride to actually admit it, because after all, you've always told sim jaeyun you hated him.

you groan "jake, there's a reason why i'm failing english, okay? just accept the fact that i'm the worst" you bury your head on the pages of your book, seated across jake at the back of the library "i didn't even ask for you to help me! i simply just asked for your notes that just happened to have a first grader's hand writing" he scoffs, a little taken back by your sudden insult on his hand writing "thanks? i know you didn't ask for help, i just wanted to do this with you so that you don't get detention for not knowing proper english" he explains, handing you another sheet of paper with an 54 circled on the right corner "seriously y/n? 54? come on, one last set of questions and i'll take you to the new cafe just across the street"

and almost immediately, you bring your head up, grabbing the pen and taking the set of questions. making jake giggle "y/n, just say that you like me, you know i'm not going to reject you-- ow!" you smack him on the head with the pencil "that's absolute nonsense!" you whisper with a harsh voice, digging your face on the note book as you try to cover the little smile you had on your face

i think it was safe to say you got 4 out of 10 right, causing you to almost have a mental breakdown at the library "i can't do this sim" you groan "i think you just need a break yeah? wanna head to the cafe?" jake stands up to pack your stuff, giggling at the sight of your head still buried in between the pages of the book "c'mon y/n" he kneels beside you "get up, let's go to that cafe"

you've never felt your pride hurt as much as this did, having to show jake how bad your were at english, him having to tutor you without you asking for help, and jake bringing you to the cafe even though you weren't even remotely close to getting at least 6 right

and you weren't exaggerating when when you say jake had to drag you all the way to the cafe "hi! what can i get for you today sir?" the girl says, the obvious heart eyes she has for him pissing you off even more "hi yeah i'd like to have a caramel machiatto" he responds politely, smiling at the obvious glare you held at the girl, poking out your tongue after she was called by the manager, an old lady replaces her "anything else for your girlfriend--" before you could correct her, jake immediately speaks up "she'll have (drink)"

he smiles at the old lady before paying "i'm sending you money later whether you like it or not" you roll your eyes "and i'll send it back" he holds your waist as he leads you to a table, causing your heart to beat 10 times faster "yeah? well i'll send it back to you again! i'll keep doing it until you die!" he scoffs at you "as if!"

even after multiple attempts of trying to make jake ask you out, the boy who you thought was so smart couldn't take a single hint at all.

but in jake's defence, you were a little bad, considering how bad you were with boys, he vividly remembers that one time when you were trying so hard to make him jealous by talking to other guys. he even laughed as you struggled to keep up with a conversation.

or that other time when you tried to hold his hand just to do something romantic just for once but ended up letting go because he wouldn't stop teasing you about it. he still took your hand, yet he never asked you out still.

"you okay darling?" your mother asks, taking a quick glance at your droopy form leaning on the counter as you wait for her to finish cooking "is it a boy?" she teases, making you perk your head up "i knew it!" she gives you an endearing smile as she gives you a plate with eggs on it, a heart shaped ketchup placed on the top of the egg "mom!" you whine

"okay fine, it is a boy. but don't tell dad" you whisper, smiling once she zips her lips "what's his name?" she asked, tilting her head as she leans on the counter in front of you "jake"

"jake?! i love jake! you should invite him over sometime" she squeals "he's a nice guy, i'm sure he wouldn't hurt you, so what's bothering you?" you sigh, taking a sip of the water "he likes me, it's like the whole world knows. but he just keeps on flirting with me and never actually tries to ask me out" you pout, aggressively taking a bit of the scrambled eggs, making your mother chuckle "oh baby, i'm sure it'll happen soon. just give him some time! unless if you're that impatient, then maybe you should try considering to be the one who makes the first move" she walks away, heading upstairs

no, as much as you hate it, that would hurt too much of your pride. so you decided to wait.

summer just had started and you couldn't even explain how much you hated the heat. staying under the shade 70% of the time whenever you went out with jake and his friends "guys! i have an announcement" jay yells, you were currently over at jay's house, just having a little party with just the 8 of you "my father booked us a trip to hawaii"

"WHAT?!"

part 2

— HEY 👵🏽 so i decided that this would be a multiple part story bcs i didnt want it to be too long!

i haven’t written the second part yet, but hopefully i’d have it done before tuesday

feel free to ask if you want to be tagged once the second chapter is out!

this has been n1k1tty! see ya!

#enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x reader #enhypen x reader fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen jake #jake enhypen #enhypen jake x reader #jake x reader #jake sim #jake sim x reader #sim jaeyun

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