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she-posts-nerdy-stuff · 2 days

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Daughter of the Rain and Snow

Concept: Around ten years after the events of Crooked Kingdom, 25-year-old Captain Inej Ghafa frees Maya Olsen from a pleasure house in Ketterdam. Maya is looking for revenge against the man who put her in her position, a man who she knows nothing about except his name: Kaz Brekker.

Tags: @wraith--2 @lunarthecorvus @just2bubbly @real-fragments7 @cartoon-clifford @origami-butterfly @lady-a-stuff @thelibraryofalexandriastillburns @inej-ghafa-deserves-the-world @thatdelusionalnerd

If anyone wants to be added let me know :)

Content Warnings: in more general terms I want to remind people to be aware of the nature of Kaz and Inej's experiences and relationship since even if I'm not directly addressing these things they tend to be implicit in any writing about them, but specifically to this chapter there's ptsd references, anxiety, violence references, blood, wounds, and fear of losing loved ones

Note: Oh my goodness we only have the epilogue left to go... this is insane I can't believe we've reached the end

AO3 link: Daughter of the Rain and Snow - Chapter 145 - She_posts_nerdy_stuff - Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo [Archive of Our Own]

Chapter 144 - Kaz

At least the Crow Club was back in working order. Beyond that things weren’t looking at their best. Kaz knew from Anika and Pim’s reports that the damage was mostly repaired and they’d reopened the closed wing a few months ago, but he also knew from the income reports Yara had been sending him that they’d taken a hit. Her projections looked sunnier for next month, but Kaz wasn’t feeling particularly confident. There was a nervous energy about the Slat when he walked in, still as rowdy as it usually was in these early hours of the morning but with a slightly frantic edge. Kaz had known his extended absence would take a toll, but he’d tried to keep in control of what he could.

“I assume there are rumours going round about -”

“Your mysterious disappearance? Yeah,” said Anika, “We’re treading water trynna cover up for you being missing,”

“Anyone get wise?”

“To the fact you weren’t here or to what you were actually up to?”

Kaz shot her an unamused glare. Clearly he needed to stop telling Anika up to 50% of the truth, because she was getting too good at picking up what the rest of it was.

“I don’t think so,” she said, “Not with any proof you weren’t around. Few people here and there are convinced you’re dead,”

That didn’t particularly surprise him.

“Any attempts at territory grabs since you last wrote?”

“Liddies are still riled up, but nothing new except a pretty hollow looking threat from Black Tips,”

Kaz sighed. They weren’t staying in Ketterdam for long, he’d have to get through work quickly and make a few choice appearances if he could spare the time.

As far as Kaz and Inej knew, the plan was for them to drop in on Jesper and Wylan for the afternoon, then go to the house overnight whilst Nina stayed on the Geldstradt. They didn’t have the space to have her at the house by the harbour - especially when Alyssa was staying with them too - and anyway she would only be kept up all night by Sadja. But apparently Jesper and Wylan had other plans, as soon as they were through the door it was all but a demand they at least stay there the first night. They’d even set up a room for Alyssa upstairs, so she was close if Inej or Sadja needed her.

“How are you feeling?” Kaz had asked, watching Inej’s hand find the railing on the porch of the Hendriks house.

“I’m fine,”

Kaz shook his head, looking down at Sadja.

“Once you can talk I’m going to teach you to shout at your Mama every time she says that,” he told her, gently readjusting the sling in hopes of helping her settle.

Nina laughed.

Sadja had done well on the boat, Kaz thought, for a stubborn two month old who had never travelled further than the Grand Palace until a couple of weeks ago, but she hadn’t slept well last night and still didn’t seem to be interested in sleeping now.

“Kaz, really,” said Inej, shaking her head, “I’m okay. I’m just tired,”

Kaz nodded, but he and Nina had shared a brief glance. Inej rang the doorbell and Sadja immediately jutted out her bottom lip in indignation; for a moment Kaz thought she was going to cry but she settled again, still looking a little grumpy. He readjusted his cane so that he could remain balanced whilst he offered her his finger, and once she’d acknowledged it he gently rubbed his hand up and down her tiny tummy.

“Do you not like doorbells, Sadja?”

“I think it’s quite normal for babies not to like loud noises, Kaz,” said Nina, peering over the sling, “You’re okay, aren’t you Sadja? You’re a brave little muffin,”

“Brave little muffin?” asked Kaz.

“Hey, that is just about the highest compliment I’ve ever given anyone,”

“Well, you are brave aren’t you Sadja? You’re just like your Mama,”

She wriggled a little in the sling, as though she was trying to look up at him properly, and smiled. Kaz glowed.

The door had barely been opened when they were met by the practically shouted words:

“Where’s my niece?”

“Well, hello to you too, Jesper,” said Inej, sharing his soft laugh.

She leaned into the arm he offered and he kissed her on the cheek, ushering her over the doorstep. Kaz followed, nodding at Jesper.

“Saints, I’ve missed you,” said Jesper, hugging Inej again.

“Oh, I’ve missed you too,”

Nina cleared her throat, glaring teasingly at Jesper. He threw an arm around her shoulders.

“I’ve missed you too, darling, obviously. And I guess I missed you Kaz,”

“Always with the compliments,”

Where’s Wylan?” asked Inej.

“Couldn’t get out of a meeting,” Jesper replied, shaking his head, “He won’t be long. Now, where’s this little Sadja you’ve been withholding from me?”

“Withholding-? She’s only been alive two months - and you were in Novyi Zem for one and a half of them,”

“Withholding,” Jesper repeated

Inej laughed. Kaz gently scooped Sadja out of her sling and into his arms, rocking her for a moment before he passed her to Inej so Jesper could lean over and greet her. He looked like he was about to burst with glee.

“Oh my goodness, you two she’s so beautiful. Aren’t you? Yes you are, yes you are,”

Jesper looked up at Kaz and Inej, grinning.

“She’s wonderful,”

“She most certainly is,” Kaz smiled, pushing the door to behind him before they walked together towards the living room, “It’s good to see you, Jes,”

“You too. And honestly you with a baby is quite possibly both the funniest and cutest thing I have ever seen, so thank you for that,”

Nina snorted. Kaz glared at them both.

“And how are you?” Jesper had asked Inej, as they sat on the sofa together.

It was about twenty minutes later and Wylan had just got back, all apologies for being late and overjoyed to see them all again. He was now sitting in between Inej and Kiada with Sadja in his arms, smiling.

“Well, I haven’t slept in about two months,” Inej smiled, leaning her head onto Jesper’s shoulder, “But other than that I’m doing pretty well. How are you? - How was Novyi Zem?”

“I’m good, we’re all pretty good at the minute, actually. And Novyi Zem was lovely, good to see my Da, and everyone did a very good job,” he squeezed Aimee’s hand lightly, from where she was perching on the arm of the sofa next to him, “There were a few moments where we thought we’d have to come home early - that was always in the plan as an option, if anyone needed it - but we ended up staying the whole time,”

“How’s Colm?” asked Nina, leaning forwards to pick her coffee up from the table.

The conversation floated on, and Kaz had drifted in and out of paying attention to it as he kept his eyes on Sadja. She started wriggling uncomfortably and Wylan passed her back to Inej, then a moment passed before she started crying.

“Is she alright?” asked Kaz.

“She’s just hungry,” said Inej, looking at Kaz in a way that meant calm down, she’s a baby, she’s going to cry, you do not need to worry as she stood up and gently rocked Sadja against her chest, whispering to her in Suli, “I’ll take her upstairs,”

At some point, Kaz wasn’t exactly sure how long it had been, it was only him, Nina, and Jesper still sitting in the living room. Focus had switched freely: the trip to Novyi Zem - two weeks with Colm followed by a month and a half through in Weddle and Shriftport, then another two weeks with Colm - Kiada had struggled with the boat, Aimee had struggled on the farm, Kiada has struggled in Weddle; news on the Ravkans and their new little prince and princess, twins about three months older than Sadja; Clemmie Boscht had started renting an apartment in the city and came to the house to share roast dinner with the family once a month; updates on something Kaz had forgotten to pay attention to as he was wondering how long Inej and Sadja had been gone and if he should go upstairs to find them. Now Nina was asking about wedding plans - the original date should have been last month, but it hadn’t been set in stone when Kaz and Inej first went to Ravka so Jesper and Wylan had decided to postpone and visit Jesper’s father instead of him coming out to them.

“Doesn’t matter,” Jesper was saying, “Nothing will ever make up for the fact that Kaz Brekker got married before I did,”

Nina flopped against the back cushions of the sofa.

“Yeah, it’s a real blow to the ego isn’t it?”

“Aren’t you two just the height of comedy?” said Kaz drily.

“To be fair, Jes,” Nina added, “I think we were all surprised you weren’t the first to get married. I mean how long had you two known each other before you moved in, two months?”

“No, well I really only joke,” said Jesper, glancing briefly at the door and lowering his voice, “Wylan told me ages ago he wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to get married, after everything with his parents he just kinda… lost faith in it,”

Jesper had told Kaz about it at the time. It was years ago, around the time of the Van Eck trial, and Wylan was having an unsurprisingly bad time of it. He said he’d burst into tears and told Jesper that it had been evil of him to trap him in a relationship that would never go anywhere, and that he could leave if he wanted to and Wylan would understand. Apparently Jesper had stared at him for almost a full minute, and then said:

“Wy, you’re seventeen,”

“Well, clearly,” Kaz had said, “You handled that well,”

“I helped him afterwards!” Jepser had cried defensively, “That was just my first thought,”

Now Kaz sat behind his desk at the Slat, flicking through the endless pile of papers laying in wait and watching the hands move on his timepiece. Almost five bells. He wanted to be back by six.

Sadja had woken up not long before three bells, screaming loud enough to bring the entire house down. Kaz fumbled in the dark, searching for his cane, before Inej turned on the gas lights and handed it to him, smiling and shaking her head. They sat next to each other on the side of the mattress as Sadja nursed, and for about half an hour afterwards Kaz was still rocking her slowly whilst Inej lowered the lights and lay back down. Sadja seemed on the verge of settling back to sleep and Kaz stood to return her to the cradle next to the bed, only for her to immediately start wailing again.

“Well I hope you’re not still hungry,” he said softly in Suli, giving her a gente bounce “I think Mama’s asleep,”

She flailed one of her tiny fists into the air and it whacked lightly against Kaz’s chest.

“Not bad form,” he told her, “But you need more strength behind it if you want to do real damage. We’ll work on that when you’re older. What can we do to help you sleep now though, hm?”

Sadja wriggled in his arm and Kaz moved to sit on one of the armchairs so he could set down his cane and support her more comfortably.

“I don’t have anything new to read to you,” he said, “But I could tell you a story if you’d like,”

There was a pause broken only by Sadja’s impatient cries, before Inej’s soft voice came from the darkness on the other side of the room:

“You know the whole idea of us using one language each with her whilst she's still learning kind of depends on you speaking to her in Kerch, right?”

Kaz looked up.

“Inej? I thought you were asleep,”

“Kaz, if you think anyone could fall asleep through this then I have serious concerns about your hearing. And, again, you’re supposed to speak in Kerch,”

“I’m still not convinced that’s going to work,” he replied, “Isn’t she just going to hear us using both with each other anyway?”

Inej groaned.

“It’s three in the morning, Kaz, can we talk about this later?”

He laughed softly, nodding though he wasn’t sure if she’d see in the dark. He’d known that he needed to go to the Slat - the last word from Anika and Pim had been concerningly vague - but he could stay here a little while yet, couldn’t he? What harm would it do, just to stay here for a little longer? He sighed.

“You need to go, don’t you?”

He didn’t know how she did that.

“It can wait until tomorrow,”

“You can’t,” said Inej, quietly, “Go on. I’ll get her settled, just don’t be long, okay?”

“Never,”

He really needed to stop watching the clock, or he wouldn’t get anything done and have to bully himself into staying longer. It was a good while past five bells when he left, ignoring the shouts for attention that followed him from the crowd. The Hendriks house was mostly still sleeping, though Wylan was unsurprisingly up and in the kitchen making coffee by the time Kaz arrived at six bells. Inej was awake but she was still upstairs, not long dressed and part way through brushing her hair when Kaz knocked softly on the door. She opened it slowly, pressing a finger to her lips as he slipped inside.

“Sadja’s asleep,”

Kaz stood over the cradle for a moment, watching her. She really was perfect. Inej appeared next to him, her arm slipping around his waist once he’d nodded confirmation. She leaned her head against his shoulder.

“She already looks like you,” she whispered.

Kaz shook his head.

“She’s beautiful. That’s all you,”

Inej shook her head then, her hand finding his and slipping beneath the rim so her fingers brushed his wrist. Kaz’s heart leapt, thinking of holding her on the floor almost a year ago, a knife in her gut and her blood soaking over both of them. He swallowed and she felt him tense, starting to pull away to give him space. His fingers tightened over hers, holding her to him.

“We’ve not…” she hesitated, “We’ve not talked about a plan for where to live. For what to do next,”

Kaz had been avoiding the conversation, because he didn’t actually know what he was going to say. But it was a year ago when he couldn’t tell her everything he’d thought he should be able to say by now -

Their happiness, together. In Kerch, in Ravka, they could move to the permafrost in Fjerda for all he cared. He would carve a life for her in the face of a mountain, if that was what she wanted.

- and so much had changed since then. He should be able to tell her that now. And he did.

Inej turned and leaned her face up towards his, glowing in the soft dancing light of dawn leaking through the window, her dark eyes shimmering. She lifted a hand up to cup his cheek, and slowly they leaned into each other. Their foreheads pressed against each other, Kaz’s hand slipped down Inej’s back, and their lips met in the warmth of spring and joy and a family that for so long Kaz had convinced himself he didn’t want, because he never thought he’d be able to find it.

The entire world was golden.

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my-soupy-brain · 2 days

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could do with some ted comfort today :( feeling really crummy, no energy, just wanna snuggle into his dadbod while he plays with my hair

I'm answering this right away because I've been wracked with anxiety the last few days. Just upset stomach, not sleeping, exhaustion, crying. You name it, I'm feeling it. Really struggling. Trying to stay light and fun, but crumbling too. I need this, you need this. Let's gooo!

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Relationship: Ted Lasso x reader

Warnings: All comfort

---

You were already in bed by 6 when Ted walked in the door after a long day at the club.

"Doll?" he called from the doorway as he toed off his shoes. "Where y'at darlin'?"

The living room lights are low, the TV is off. The kitchen is dark. He sees your things on the table so he knows you're somewhere, but not snuggled up on your usual spot on the couch.

So when he walked into the bedroom and sees you curled up under the fluffy blankets, a comfort movie on low volume with a low lamp lighting your side of the bed, he sighs with a gentle smile.

"How ya feelin' sugar?" he asked gently, knowing you're having a rough go.

"Lousy," you murmur, sniffling. You've cried a little. You just feel...low. A little blue. Out of energy. Your thoughts drifted, or spiraled. Your brain ran on a loop of fumes.

Ted could tell by the kitchen that you hadn't eaten yet, and he wasn't going to press you.

"What can I do?" he asked quietly. You turned your head and your puffy red eyes made his heart ache.

"Cuddle me?" you answered.

Ted smirks and kicks off his khakis and takes off his polo and climbs into bed in his undershirt and boxer briefs. He saddles up behind you, curling his legs behind yours as you watch TV. His hand rubs down your shoulder, your waist, your thigh, and back up, and then his long, warm fingers run through your hair.

He hears a soft muffle of a cry come out of you, and he kisses the back of your head.

"It's OK, sweetheart," he says softly, soothing you. He never tells you to hush, or quiet down, or "don't worry." No, he lets you feel the feelings in waves, knowing the ocean will calm.

"I'm here, let it out," he encourages, and you cry a little more, a little harder. When you turn over in his arms, he puts them around you and lets you lay your head on his chest, his undershirt wet with tears.

His hands keep touring your back, your hair, his lips against your forehead.

"I've got you," he whispers over and over. "It'll pass."

You take a deep breath, the scent of his aftershave in your nose. Your fingers play with the v-neck of his shirt, and he covers that hand with his own, raising yours to his lips to kiss it.

"It's OK," he whispers to your hair. "It's OK."

The soft brag of his heart lulls your spinning thoughts. Your already-exhausted body starts to relax harder into the mold of the mattress. And you manage to let your brain empty.

"Tell me a story?"

Ted smiles, his hand coasting up your forearm and over your hand, his other hand still drifting lazily in your hair.

"Did I ever tell ya about..."

His baritone, drawled voice starts with a story about his youth in Kansas. Cow-tipping and gravel road trips, and all the silly things rural teenagers do.

Your eyes close, your lips curl in a slight smile. He's got you. You've got him.

---

Hope you feel better, friend. I hope we both do! I hope we all do! May we all have soft back rubs and soothing stories to help our brains settle. Thanks for the prompt, friend!

#ted lasso #ted lasso x reader #ted lasso fanfic #ted lasso fanfiction #ted lasso fluff #ted lasso x you

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arueternity · 2 days

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II's ABC's

PAIRING - II x reader, II x polyves (Briefly mentioned)

WARNING - NSFW! Slight talk of BDSM, Excess cum play, TRANS II (not really a warning), Talk of exhibitionism

AUTHOR'S NOTE - Slowly but surely getting back into writing yall! Totally didn't accidentally sign myself up for writing something for an artist... Wish me luck yall! Hope yall enjoy!

WORD COUNT - 1,042

Master List

❥ A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

➛ Aftercare with this boy consists of him rubbing any sore spots he left on him, kissing the bruises, and thanking you for being with him. ➛ Once y'all are cleaned up, he’s grabbing the both of y’all a Red Bull and a joint.

❥ B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

➛ His? The veins on his hands and forearms. It proves his work on the drums AND it looks good wrapped around someone's throat. ➛ Yours? Hips. He would die for your hips, his hands are always on at least one when he’s near you. Gentle kisses turning into bites when he’s going down on you.

❥ C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

➛ Since my II is trans, he uses a squirting dildo often. ➛ “Accidentally” fills you up with cum, watching it drip out of you because your body couldn’t physically handle how much he came in you. ➛ And oh sleep does this man LOVE to have your cum in his hands. Will lick it out of them while making eye contact.

❥ D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

➛ He has a stash of his own nudes and masturbation videos. ➛ Yes he keeps it mostly for his own pleasure but he will sometimes send them to you just to tease.

❥ E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

➛ Was literally a fuck boy before settling down with his partners and you. ➛ Knows the ends and outs of both male and female bodies, will make you cum as much as he can before even fucking you.

❥ F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

➛ If he’s fuck you? It’s doggy style with his hand pushing down on your shoulders to keep you down and taking his cock. ➛ You fucking him? He’ll take the Amazon position so that he’s still in control, plus it’s kinda challenging but interesting.

❥ G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

➛ Definitely is the type to laugh during sex. Always trying to crack jokes with you to ease your anxiety.

❥ H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

➛ Dare I say… hairy? I mean it’s neat and clean but there of course is still hair. Makes him feel good.

❥ I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

➛ He's romantic with it, always taking his time even during the harder scenes. He praises you for doing so well, but also adds in some degrade if you’re into it.

❥ J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

➛ His sex drive is really high due to T. ➛ It doesn’t help when he sees you but can’t have you at the moment, he just has to run and find a private place.

❥ K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

➛ Exhibitionism because he loves to let the others watch as he takes you apart

❥ L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

➛ He’d must rather take you in his room, basic maybe but he has all his toys there.

❥ M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

➛ Your laugh… Not the normal one, the teasing one. Where you are purposely trying to get him going.

❥ N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

➛ Feet. Just no feet for him. To each their own but he just doesn’t see the interest in them

❥ O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

➛ For the love of god, if you wish to function for the rest of the day do not let him give you oral. ➛ He loves pleasing his partners with his mouth, loves having to hold their hips to keep them from squirming. Actually doesn’t like receiving oral much. He’ll do it with Vessel but that’s about it

❥ P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

➛ Both! Mhm! He’s super good at figuring out what your body needs and is okay with changing things when it needs to be. He prefers fast and hard, wants to be bruised or bruise you.

❥ Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

➛ Give them all to him. Every moment he can, he’ll drag you away make you cum. He doesn’t care about himself when it’s a quickie, though he will please himself while pleasing you.

❥ R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

➛ Experimenting is his thing, always down to try anything. Is actually the one to BRING up things most of the time.

❥ S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

➛ If he’s using the strap, he’ll last for a while. Fingering and or jerking you off? He’s going to last a good bit too, drummer arms you know? ➛ But he himself, doesn’t last long. He cums so quickly it’s almost embarrassing if it wasn’t for the fact he could go again.

❥ T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

➛ I cannot list all of the toys he owns but he owns a lot.. ➛ Loves using them on you and himself. They’re his main go too.

❥ U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

➛ Huge tease. Sometimes he doesn’t mean to, it’s just when he’s high he seeks out touch… and that touch turns teasing by accident.

❥ V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

➛ Loud as fuck. Thank you for vocal men. ➛ But if he’s doing the fucking, its medium volume, nothing to much but nothing that leaves you wondering if he’s enjoying himself.

❥ W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

➛ I’m almost embarrassed to say this… But he can squirt…

❥ X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

➛ Nothing much after you strip him. Sometimes he’ll wear a packer or the harness to the strap-on.

❥ Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

➛ It’s so high… poor little guy. (I’ve talked to my trans friends and I feel for them)

❥ Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

➛ Yet again my version of the vessels do not sleep often, the most he’ll do is close his eyes and let you take a nap on him.

Master List

#sleep token #sleep token ii #sleep token iii #sleep token iv #sleep token vessel #imagine #headcanon #sleep token ii x reader #sleep token headcanons #smutty

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msbhagirathi · 20 days

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IPKKND LIVE BLOG SEASON 1 [Epi-4]

Cooooooooommmmmmmeeeeeee onnnnnnnnn. Letzzzzzzzzz beginnnnnnnnnnnn.

Lol. Episode starts with Arnav talking about 'aukaat'.

2. And, now, he's being an a__hole, here. Where Khushi is so hugely horrified over what happened last night. Arnav, ever the a__hole that he is, is smirking and having the audacity to ask, "Kyun? Kya kiya hai maine?" (Why? What did I do?)

3. Like. Really? Arnav? You want her, to spell out, what you did to her last night? Fckin a__hole. And look at that face. Fckin smirking.

4. Their debate about god and his existence is -kind of- interesting & thought-provoking.

5. Khushi is coming from a place of absolute surrender to god and an unbreakable faith and trust on her devi-maiyya. We can see that, in her words.

6. But, Arnav. His words, indicate that he has an absolute distrust on the existence of god. He believes that, had 'any kind of god' been there, then he won't have faced the situations, that he had to. He believes that the amount of pain that he faced, any god, if there, won't have let him face it, all alone. "Iss duniya main agar bhagwaan hota naa, toh dard naam ki cheez nahi hoti."

Now, who is correct, you ask? I will say, both. Yes. Both are correct, in the context, of what they faced in their pasts, what their history, with god, is. It's just that, they don't want to consider any other opinions apart from what they think is 'correct', for them. And, that is the problem. That's what's wrong with these two egotistical idiots.

7. Look at his expression when he says the first line. He is raw. Vulnerable. In the truest sense. Almost in tears. Voice trembling with anguish that he has for 'his god', who did not help him out when he needed him the most. All his guards are down. At this exact moment. We get a glimpse, of what is hidden behind, that, usually unreadable expression.

8. This is a huge thing. That, even if, he is not exactly showing his face. BUT he is, indeed opening up, about his pain, in front of Khushi. He does not have any reason to do so. In fact, he does not have to stand here, waste his precious time, explaining this naive girl, about the evils of this world.

9. Instead, of going on his way, to attend that important meeting, which can't be cancelled. Nevertheless, he does so. Something inside him, is intrigued, by this girl. Something in this girl, sparks an urge, inside him, to explain himself, even if, he doesn't need to.

10. Coming to the second part, of what he said. He thinks that money and only money gives a person, the authority, to have all the powers and make decisions related to his own fate and destiny. "Iss duniya mein jiss insaan ke paas paisa hai, ussi ke paas taakat hai."

11. Notice that, he believes this, SO strongly. Because he has seen this, with his own eyes. When he and his sister were ousted out of their own home, by their 'beloved' chachaji. He has seen that, money, indeed, has the powers and authority; all that he needed to avenge for his betrayal.

12. Look at his expression, when he says the second line. There's this confidence in his face, that he feels, when he knows, what he has observed, is totally correct. Because, he is, indeed, totally correct.

13. Only that, from now on, every time, after this, whenever Khushi would do or say something, that would be against his belief or would be something, that would force him, to re-think his opinion. It would make him, question his judgement, over her character, only then, he would find his confidence, 'of knowing girls like her very well', wavering away.

14. Wow. Enough. Now back to the epi.

15. So. She challenges him with her beliefs and he retaliates, in the worst possible sense.

16. He orders his PR team to release the fashion show footage to all the TV News channels.

17. He has, again, repeated the same thing. He did not think this through. He did not think, to the extent, to which it could destroy Khushi's life. He, also, did not think about his own reputation, here.

18. Living in a society, like that. Where your honor is the family's honor and that it should be kept hidden and protected at all costs. He did not realize that she is a middle class 'girl' in the truest sense possible. He did not realize how much it would affect her and her family's reputation.

19. After all, what was her mistake? She just challenged his belief system. He could have retaliated, in any possible way, but he chose to involve the whole world, including both their families, into this.

20. He, even, could have easily ignored a chit of a girl, who had said something about his belief on god or lack thereof.

21. He should have 'farak nahi padta' to her.

22. But, no. He is the mighty ASR. He, indeed, 'farak padta hai'. And thus, went on, to torture her, in new ways.

23. Fckin A__hole.

24. Back to Gomti Sadan. Khushi offers a cup of chai to her Amma but she refuses.

25. Amma is also upset for being a little too harsh on Khushi, I think? What's with that look that she gave her when Khushi went away?

26. Payal asks about the broken pearls of the blouse and Khushi is, again, reminded of the horrific night. Payal notices her distress and asks the reason and Khushi starts ranting about (her) 'laard governor'. I think, she -kind of- likes talking about her 'woh'. This scene, also, indicates that no one knows about their 'meeting' yet.

27. Arnav asks about Mul Rajani. "Chote log aksar aukaat se bada muh kholte hain." (People with small status often have a 'big' mouth. *pun intended*) This line is for both Mul Rajani and Khushi.

28. His meeting with Khushi, is still very fresh, in his mind.

29. "Roop suhana lagta hai, chaand puraana lagta hai, tere aage o jaanam." Can you see me jiggling my shoulders? I -kind of- got hooked to this song. Wow.

30. Amma catches Khushi dancing and jumping on the -sofa?-that furniture. Whatever. And she cannot stop herself from smiling at her daughter. Finally, Khushi notices her and hits a direct six and the ball is straight out of the stadium. Lol. I mean to say, that she is finally successful in pacifying her Amma.

31. Initially, I thought why did she give an example of cricket, out of the blue. But then, I realized that, it was 2011. That year, we had world cup going on and guess what, India had won it, under MSD's captaincy :)

32. The writers did a great job, here, if you ask me ;)

33. "Arre naach toh hum dikhawat hain." (Let me show you how to dance!)

34. Wow. Babuji joined them. What a classic 'papa' dance. Lol. I don't know but I just felt that somehow I have seen my father dancing like that too. Like. Not exactly like this. But the body language. Pata nahi choro.

35. Buaji, the Hitler of GS (Gomti Sadan. Lol. I kind of love the sound of this name.), comes and scolds them. Why Buaji? Can't they have a sweet family moment? I don't know what's your problem, Buaji. But you need to chill.

36. Lol. "Joru ke saamne bandar ban sakat ho, bitiyan ko naahi sambhaal sakat ho?" (You can be mischievous (like a monkey) in front of your wife but can't handle your own daughter?) By the way that question doesn't even make sense, Buaji. Your existence doesn't make sense, Buaji.

37. What? I did not say that, ok? I have manners.

38. LMAO. Everybody escapes from Buaji's presence. The unity that they have. My god. It's just amazing. Lol.

39. A note here. This hairstyle, for Khushi, here, was the perfect. They kept it, this way, till the office track and somewhere in the midst, they changed it, to a plain braid which was....fine, but, this one suited her more.

40. The head of Panch Bhog Caterers (Shop no. 14 Hazrat Ganj Lucknow) is -kind of- taunting them. The disgusting line of the century- "Ab e toh uhi baat ho gyi, ki thaali mein utha liya par khaya nahi; par jhutha toh hua naa." (Now this is the same thing as being picked up in a plate but left uneaten, nevertheless it would still be considered a left over by others.")

41. Guess what. He is talking about Payal. I mean. Wow. The audacity. The disgusting comment thrown around for a girl's character, so casually, as if her character really depends on whether some money-hungry family 'accept' or 'reject' her for marriage.

42. Khushi wants to speak up, but, Amma stops her.

43. And, if you thought, that was enough, then, it was not. Now, listen to him, talking about Payal, being like his own daughter and taking care of her ('dignity') after butchering her character, a few seconds ago.

44. Amma pulls her hand away. Khushi, taking the cue, speaks up. But, is uncharacteristically calm. But, what she says next, not just wins Babuji's heart but ours' as well. Wow. Writers of this show are so freaking talented, man.

45. WOW. This is amazing. The Mul Rajani sequence is just amazing. See, I searched up a bit about this name, but, turns out, its actually a surname, precisely, a Rajasthani surname.

46. So, Mul Rajani is actually a Marwari business man and has dared to stop a photoshoot for AR Designs. Because of a balance payment. He demands his balance payment for 50 lakh. Only then, he would let the photoshoot, continue.

47. But, that is not enough. While demanding, he addresses Arnav, very disrespectfully. That was fine, too, but when he crossed a line, by mentioning his mumma, Arnav lost it.

48. He slaps him. Oh. Damn. What a slap. WOW.

49. Lol. Mul Rajani says that, this slap will cost him 1 Cr. , an incomplete photoshoot and a bad name (getting blacklisted) in the industry. Arnav slaps him, again. Lmao. And then, tells Akash to give him a 'dhaai crore ka cheque'. "Pachaas hazaar iski payment aur 2 Crore do thappadon ke." (A cheque of Rs. 2.5 Cr.) (50k for the payment and 2 Cr. for two slaps.)

50. The sassy-ness in that smirk, when he sees, MR realizing that he is getting paid in surplus. Take a bow, Mr. Sobti. *bows down with joined hands*

51. You see? This is the problem. Why Arnav thinks money can solve everything. He uses his money to shut people up. And each time it works and his theory of "Paisa hi taakat hai" is proven right, each time he feels a little bit more proud of himself. That, he cracked the code to deal with 'this world' and 'it's ways'.

52. LMAO. Listen y'all, I don't care what you say, but Buaji makes me laugh. Period.

52. Ohh. So. The clip is out, finally. My poor baby. She is, again, getting insulted without any fault of hers. That freaking b_stard. ASR. Or, whatever.

53. He again managed to hurt Khushi, in the most unimaginable way, possible. Wow. Just wait till you fall for her, Bitwa, madly, shall I say so, then you will feel yourself falling into an unending pool of guilt, engulfing you, for the rest of your life. And, you will not be able to stop yourself from feeling guilty, ever again.

P.S. : No P.S. today, coz too tired to think of anything. Ok. Bye. Have a good day/night ahead. God bless you.

Next Episode!

#arnav and khushi #arnav singh raizada #arshi #ipkknd #khushi kumari gupta #iss pyaar ko kya naam doon #ArShi #Done with the exam today #Went well-ish #i know some of you might have missed this #lol how bold of me to think so #pardon my bold-ness #very tired and sleepy #but couldn't stop myself from publishing this #i did this blog as a draft to keep my anxiety at bay and my nerves under control before the exam #i guess i too have an outlet for stress just like our beloved khushi kumari gupta #ok bye y'all #have a good night's sleep lovelies

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puhpandas · 8 months

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Take Me Home 1, 2

(to see new chapters release, sub on ao3 :))

(3227 words)

When Cassie wakes for the second time, it's not with a pounding head and limbs as heavy as iron. No. This time, her awareness of the world rolls in smoothly, and all she feels when she wakes fully is faint buzzing throughout her body.

She revels in it; the fact that theres no pain. She doesn't think too hard about why, she just shifts, moving to stretch her limbs, but hisses when going to move her arm sends a wave of soreness pain up her arm.

She grits her teeth, yelping and suddenly re-entering the world fully when the pain throws her into alertness.

Her eyes shoot open, and she moves to sit up in bed, heart racing when all she can remember is last being in the dark, dingy, falling apart Pizzaplex, but she calms when all she can see is someone's bedroom.

"...Huh?" She mumbles, her mind still not having fully caught up to her yet. She glances around the room, painted a pale blue, with furniture tucked against the neighboring walls and flowing curtains covering most of the sunlight filtering through the window, a light breeze ruffling them.

Movement catches her attention in the corner of her eye, and she glances over just in time for Gregory to snort awake, eyes trailing across her, not really seeing her, until they blow wide in recognition.

"Cassie!" Gregory exclaims, rushing to stand up from the position he was in where he had been sitting in a chair, laying his head in his arms, hunched over on the bed. "You're finally awake!"

Cassie feels her heart warm when she realizes that Gregory had been waiting for her to wake up by her bedside, never leaving her prescence. Long enough for him to fall asleep. Her heart slows to a normal rate when she sets eyes on him, immediately feeling at ease, and she breaths a deep breath, shifting to sit up more and allowing Gregory to help her when he rushes over.

She hisses when the movement jostles her leg and arm, and she finally takes a good look at them, realizing that at some point, in her sleep, her cardigan had been taken off, leaving her in her button-up, and her shoes and socks had been discarded, leaving her in her dark purple tights and shorts.

Gregory notices her staring at her foot, which is propped up on a pillow, peeking out from under the thick comforter, with some sort of makeshift splint made from cloth wrapped around the ankle.

"We had to improvise." He informs her, that lopsided grin Cassie'd always see in her dreams and on her homemade missing posters stretched on his face. "Ness cant exactly take the chance of getting involved with authority."

Cassie furrows her brows, her mind still kind of foggy from her -what she guesses- long sleep. "Ness?"

Gregory perks up. "Oh. It's a nickname we use for Vanessa a lot. Y'know, that blonde girl that was with us in the pizzeria?"

Cassie nods in recognition, remembering her blonde ponytail with rainbow streaks. "Yeah, um... how exactly did--"

She gets cut off when the door clicks open, and speak of the devil. "Oh, you're awake." Vanessa peeks her head in the room, a smile on her face when she sees Cassie sitting up and awake. "We were just making dinner, and I wanted to see if you were up."

"Um..." Cassie trails off. "Dinner?" She settles on.

Gregory senses her uncertainty, and settles a hand on her shoulder. "Vanessa's makin' chicken alfredo. And since you're awake, now you can finally eat."

Her stomach rumbles as if on queue, and her cheeks redden. Gregory has no problem laughing at her. "How long has it been?"

Cassie tries to think. "A few hours before you came and got me, since I ran to the Pizzaplex as soon as I got the message. So... that plus however long I slept for."

"Eighteen hours." Vanessa supplies helpfully.

Cassies eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. "Eighteen hours?!" She exclaims.

Gregory laughs, and Vanessa just looks at her with a crooked smile that reminds her of Gregory's. "Yup. You were exhausted physically and emotionally, and were injured, kiddo. The fact that you slept for so long checks out."

Gregory giggles. "Remember when we first got back, you slept for twenty-one."

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "I think I had a perfectly good reason to sleep the whole day away. Unlike you." She points two fingers from her eyes to Gregory. "Its not my fault you have the same amount of energy as a hyperactive dog."

"You mentioned a dog! So is the dog talk working?" Gregory asks, smugly. "Come on, Ness. Just concede. Its only a matter of time before you cave."

Cassie just watches, unsure of what to do when Gregory and Vanessa talk. Theres a grin on Gregory's face, not one she's used to. Not like the mischievous, pointed ones when Gregory was brewing something up, or the slight, hopeful ones, when Cassie would talk about when they got older, and she and Gregory could work towards getting a car and finally being able to give Gregory a life where he doesnt have to worry, and they can just live. Just a few more years, they'd always say.

This one is easy. Its gentle, with no kind of edge to be detected, and it looks so right on his face. It doesn't look forced, it doesnt look rare. Cassie can tell just by looking that Gregory has smiled like this often, and hes been allowed to be used to it. To smile without the quirk of worry.

It warms Cassies heart, to see that theres been change. But it also hurts.

Because he'd been away for so long, and although Cassie is so, so glad to have him back, she can't help but wonder why he never reached out to her. If he'd been able to smile so easily like this, while she couldn't muster one at times, too empty from his absence.

"I can barely take care of you and Freddy, kid." Vanessa points out, and Cassie is thrown back into reality. "And now I got another destroyed animatronic to fix and another kid. Not even mentioning a dog."

Cassie gasps, big and sudden at Vanessa's words. "Roxy!" She exclaims, and she winces when her voice rasps, and her dry throat burns from dehydration. "Roxy! Where is she? Is--Is she okay?!"

When Cassie starts to shift, arms moving to roll the comforter off of herself and somehow leave the bed, Gregory and Vanessa both rush to gently push her back down.

"Its okay, Cassie." Gregory says in that soft voice of his where it feels like it's only reserved for Cassie. "Shes in parts and service. While you were asleep, we wanted to fix her up a little, so we took turns watching you and fixing Roxy up."

Cassie feels the tension melt off of her body when she hears that Roxy is here, and has been fixed a little, but she still furrows her brows in confusion at 'parts and service', because are they not in a house right now?

Cassie can see Vanessa roll her eyes and go to explain. "He means that shes in one of the spare rooms we use to work on animatronics." Vanessa tells her. "We used it to build Freddy a body, and once Freddy started calling it parts and service, Gregory jumped on it, and it just stuck."

Cassie nods slowly, taking in the influx of information that she cant fully sort through right now. "So thats why Freddy didnt have a head."

"Do you want to see her?" Gregory asks. "Roxy, I mean. I'm suprised she hasnt barged in here already. I had to fight her to get her to trust me and Ness enough to work on her and watch you."

Cassie smiles, but it doesn't quite reach her eyes. Because Roxy is so worried about her, and Cassie is happy that she cares, but shes upset that Roxy and Gregory are so hostile towards eachother. "Yeah. Um. I would like to see her."

Gregory nods, and smiles. "Kay. She wont look the exact same, since I tried my best to restore her some, but at least she isnt about to fall apart."

Vanessa leaves the room with a curse, and Cassie ignores the slight burning smell coming from outside the door. "...Okay. Just... when you get her, can we have some alone time?"

Gregory nods, halfway out the door. "Okay. Sure. I'll be right back, okay?"

"Okay." She says, and then Gregory is gone.

Cassie breathes deep, playing with the frayed edges of the comforter when theres nothing else to do. She can hear the clattering of kitchen utensils from further in the house, and hushed voices.

The silence stretches further in her room, and when Gregory doesnt return, not right away, Cassie can feel her chest tighten, and something grip her lungs.

She breathes harshly through her nose, and notices how her hands begin to shake slightly.

Something grabs at her chest, something akin to panic, feeling like a giant hand and squeezing.

Gregory. Is all she can think about. He said he'd be right back. Where is he? He shouldn't have been gone this long, right?

Have I lost him again?

She squeezes her eyes shut, trying really hard to keep still, to keep calm, but her brain is jumbled, like its tied itself in knots, and all she can think about is how Gregory isn't here with her.

She has half the mind to get up, to tear through the house to search for him, to make sure she hasnt lost him again, that she wont have to look for him again. But one look at her ankle thats wrapped in cloth and she knows it isnt possible.

She makes a pitiful noise, breaths huffing out of her mouth now, short and heavy, and Gregory hasnt come back yet, and she cant do a thing about it.

It's only when Gregory pops his head back through the door, nudging it open with a creak that Cassie is ripped away from her thoughts and actually realizes how much shes panicking.

Gregory steps inside, a smile on his face, mouth open ready to speak, but it drops right off as soon as he sees Cassie.

Cassie cant find it in her to speak when Gregory rushes over to her, asking if shes okay. Her brain feels like its fogged over, or like its signal is blocked, and she cant think enough to respond to his questions.

All she can do is reach out to him when relief overwhelms her, enough for tears to slip past her lashes, and Gregory pauses in his rapid fire questions, seeming to understand something.

"I'm here, Cassie." He tells her, getting on the bed with her. He let's her wrap her arms around him and squeeze him as much as she needs when she moves to. "I'm not leaving again, okay? I'll be here with you. Nothings going to take me away from you. You arent going to lose me."

Cassie relishes in the reassurance. It reaches past all of the fog into some part of her brain, and it's like hosing down a wildfire. Her breathing slows down as she soaks up the feeling of Gregory right here, with her, and not going anywhere.

The panic that gripped her heart loosens some, and shes finally able to breathe, breathing deep breaths when Gregory does too.

"Sorry." She says after a moment, wiping at her eyes. "I dont... I dont know why that happened. I, um..."

"Separation anxiety." Gregory says, and Cassie startles. When shes finally able to unfuse herself with Gregory enough to look at his face, he has a knowing, serious expression on his face. "I had my rodeo with it, too... me and Freddy didnt have too good of a time with it."

Cassie furrows her brows, and it feels like she has ten thousand more questions added to the pile to ask, but Gregory stops her before she can speak.

"I'll tell you another time, okay?" He says, gesturing to the door where Roxy stands, waiting patiently for someone who was, when she last checked, willing to rip apart the guy Cassie just hugged to death. "Just... I promise I'll help you with it, okay? I dont think I'll be too different from you, after trying to reach you all night, and also..."

His eyes glaze over some, looking like a thousand different memories are playing over them, but he shakes it off, offering one more smile. "Itll be fine, okay? I'm gonna go make you a plate, cuz I think dinners ready, and you can talk to Roxy. Sound good?"

Cassie doesnt know what's wrong with her, because she almost tears up again at Gregory's words, because hes being so kind, and so understanding. She shouldn't be surpised, she guesses, Gregory had always found a way to catch her off guard with kindness when she'd been so used to being brushed off or disliked.

She nods, smiling back ag him, and he offers a thumbs up, moving past Roxy and shutting the door behind him.

It's only now that Cassies able to fully pay attention to Roxy, and she gasps, almost not recognizing her.

Before, she hadn't had anything resembling a face. Just her endoskeleton skull exposed due to broken casing. But now, she somehow has her face casing back. The colors are a little off, and it looks dusty and unused, but she looks like herself. Her last remaining strands of hair are fuller now, some new strands added. They've been shifted, too, styled to look adjacent to her old style, just shorter.

Her body isnt much different, one of her arms has its forearms back, a bright, clean purple compared to her filthy leg warmers, and she has her other foot back, just a larger size and different color.

But the most prominent change are definitely the eyeballs, glowing blue LED's, stuck securely in their sockets.

Cassie laughs disbelievingly, joyously, putting her hands up to her mouth with a wide smile.

"Roxy!" She exclaims. "You have eyes again!"

It's only now, when Roxy laughs along with her, that Cassie realizes her voice box has been replaced, too. Cassie laughs even more when Roxys voice filters through, sounding happy, instead of angry, no warbling or static to be found.

Roxy heads to her bedside, and shes walking much more surely, now. Not like her long, wide strides, always careful to not collide with something. She sways from side to side, ever confident in her looks.

"How do I look?" Roxy asks, fluttering her eyelashes now that she has some again and fluffing her new hairdo up with her hand. "The brat gave me a makeover."

Cassie giggles. "You look beautiful, Roxy."

"I know." Roxy says, but then turns her attention towards Cassie. "How are you doing, Speed racer?" Roxy asks, voice soft. "That elevator couldnt have felt good."

Cassie shakes her head, gesturing to her splinted arm and ankle. "Nope, but... Gregory and Vanessa fixed me up pretty good. I'm not hurting that much."

"I'm glad." Roxy smiles, because she can now.

It's just Cassie and Roxy, now. And like with Gregory, everything she'd been feeling, all the thoughts she'd been having all bubble up to the surface, and now that everyones here, and safe, she just wants to get it all out.

So Cassie furrows her brows, and goes to tell Roxy I'm sorry, I didnt want to, I shut you down and you still saved me, why? But before she can, the door clicks back open, and Gregory steps inside her room, balancing two plates on his hands.

"Dinners ready." He tells her, smiling, and Cassie doesn't know why shes suprised when after Gregory hands her her own plate, he crawls up on the bed with her.

So she doesnt voice it. She just smiles, a big, wide one, but still small and soft.

Vanessa walks inside the room with her own plate, and Freddy, looking everything like the home-built animatronic he is, follows behind her, extra pillows and blankets in his arms.

"I was thinking we have a movie night." Vanessa says, sitting in the same chair Gregory was when she first woke up. "Better than you having to sit in here bored, right, kid?"

Cassie nods, and her mouth waters when she catches a whiff of the chicken alfredo sitting in her lap.

Gregory snatches the remote from Vanessa, holding it away from her arms when she tries to take it back. The TV in front of them that she just now notices is in the room comes to life, Disney+ appearing on screen.

Gregory hands the remote to Cassie when Vanessa finally gives up, and shes able to pick the movie, putting on a happy, animated movie, where all the characters have their happy endings and nothing bad really ever happens.

The chicken alfredo was delicious, and they sat in her makeshift room, pillows and blankets built up like jenga around her to make her as comfortable as possible for hours, laughing together.

Cassies cheeks hurt by the end, and although shes so thrilled after hanging out with Gregory again, just having fun together like they used to, she cant help but notice that Roxy was really quiet the whole time. Really quiet.

Cassie doesnt think shes very good at reading animatronics yet, not like Vanessa and Gregory seem to be able to with Freddy, but Cassie cant help but feel like Roxy wasnt really able to relax this whole time, and shes surrounded with people she feels unsafe with.

By the end of it all, when the suns long set and Cassie feels tiredness drag her eyelids down, she cant rest, even when Vanessa's retired to her room, Gregory's left, and Roxy and Freddy went to parts and service.

She feels the same panic as earlier grip her heart. It's not like a panic attack; she's had a few of those, it's more like any chance of relaxation has left her body, and all that's left is feeling tense, on edge, and like something bad is going to happen. Like Gregory isnt going to be there when she wakes up.

But she needn't have worried, because it isnt too long until Gregory re-enters her room, wearing pajamas and Roxy and Freddy plushies clutched in one hand, with a night light in the other.

"This helped me and Freddy when it'd get bad, too." Gregory explains, tucking the Roxy plushie into her own arm as he lays down with her, clicking the night light shaped like Sundrop on. "That way, you can see me if you get scared that I'm gone."

Cassie can't put into words how grateful she is, or how glad she is that Gregory's back, and that she finally has him again, so she just doesn't, even though she wants to. Instead, she just clicks the lamp off, and when she lays down, wraps her arms around his middle.

Once Gregory is pressed up against her, with her forehead against his collarbone, and she can feel his slow, calm breaths, she feels relaxed. She finally feels herself slip into dreamland, and has no nightmares.

2nd ao3 link

#heres my ao3 notes #just wanted this chapter to be them chilling for a second #because this big talk cassie keeps wanting to have with gregory and roxy and just everything keeps getting delayed #but itll happen eventually #oh trust me #also hope you enjoy the gregory and cassie backstory crumbs! i dont really have anything in mind but ill see where my brain takes it. im ki #but right now i think im going for the idea that gregory was homeless and friends with cassie #and while unable to do anything because gregory makes her hide the fact that hes homeless to her dad #she has him stay at her house to get fed and sleep somewhere safe #and their unusual circumstances plus how sweet their meeting was makes them really close #i also wanted to hammer in the idea of gregory #vanessa and freddy already going through the healing process. like its been an uphill battle and taken a long time #but theyve had time to grow and heal together and know eachother pretty well by now #so i think cassie having seperation anxiety with gregory (and vice versa just less because of his experience + other circumstances)#and gregory having gone through that with freddy (and still is) would be interesting. 3 star fam wants to help cassie + roxy heal #wont be posting chapters on tumblr from now on #so if you wanna keep up sub on ao3 :)#take me home #tmh #my fics #pandas writes

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daydreamerwonderkid · 5 months

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Timberlina is taking over my dumb goop brain, fucking asshole

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aptericia · 6 months

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today was the day we were going over the walk cycle animations, except I slept through the first half of class so I have no idea what my prof thought of my micaiah rip

#help me my depression means I need 12 hours of sleep and my anxiety keeps me from starting them before 3am 😭#ramblings

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bunnyb34r · 1 month

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There better not be a fucking tornado while I'm sleeping, or I'll be so pissed

#i dont wanna die in my sleep or worse wake up to my house damaged #marquilla #i wish i wasnt so tired bc i like watching storm radars but im eepy sleepy #reading the radar is super easy to me and i have tried explaining it to mom many many times but shes like ??#like okay green yellow orange and red all rain. the farther from green you go the more heavy the rain #not even getting into hook echos and shit but like basic 'this is what those colors mean' and i only learned bc i was a very #anxious kid and storms scared me and instead of explaining the difference between watch and warnings and how #the radar colors work they were like dont worry ab it. thinking keeping me in the dark would ease my worry #like no i have the anxiety where i NEED to know i NEED to be in control as best i can #so i learned and now i feel comfort like okay the red is south of us the storm is moving east. we should be okay #but AUGH

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ereborne · 5 months

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Song of the Day: December 5

"Funeral Bell" by Phildel

#song of the day #not gonna lie there's a good chance this song popped in my head earlier just because of the line 'oh brother I long for sleep'#anyway I made a curry today that was so fucking good. it was so good.#I spent a good chunk of the day in the kitchen with my work laptop open (gonna get access to a frankly alarming amount of third-party data!#is it terrifying every time I catch a broadened glimpse of the reality of our surveillance state? oh yeah. ohhhh yeah. big time.#but am I going to let the pervasive anxiety keep me from accessing the data needed to provide context for my 5yr projections?#not a chance! if anybody's gonna benefit from our nation's hideous blatant data-grubbing it'll be me #and every coworker downstream who benefits from my automations)#and our whole house smelled like coconut and ginger and peppers all day it was /lovely/#anyway I can't do justice to Phildel's incredible crystalline voice on my best day but I like to croon along a million octaves below #and it is a gorgeous song #uhhh I didn't sleep at all! possibly recognizable in the hopskip multiple-'anyway's formatting of this tag ramble. I am Sleepless #but I have curry and also the personal info of over eighty thousand students at universities across the US and isn't that what's important #edit! hahahahahaha everybody laugh at me laugh at my foolishness. it's eight hundred thousand students. I've got the shakes.

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breitzbachbea · 11 days

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Took me fucking years of therapy and growth, but I think I am finally getting better at not borrowing grief from tomorrow.

#beablabbers #which in turn helps with getting shit done bc I don't have anxiety that keeps me from sleeping etc.

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nokingsonlyfooles · 7 months

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Reefer Madness Lives

This is not such a hot paper, and the peer review process where it was published is not so hot either. Peer review in general is... Let's be charitable and say it's more for money and prestige than scientific rigor. But, just for basic integrity, you need to operate with a double-blind. CMAJ is single-blind, so their reviewers know if they're up against anyone famous or well-connected who might bring them a lot of attention. And their primary criteria is "importance and novelty." Less delicately, if it looks like it will get a lot of clicks and cites, they'll be pleased to publish it. This is not all that out-of-the-ordinary for science journals, and that's kinda bad.

But a paper saying that pot is gonna poison your children and give people schizophrenia will get a shitton of clicks and cites. It's the number one trending story on CBC right now! And there are live comments!

I need CBD and THC to deal with my PTSD and sleep problems. It's possible that, after being under-treated for decades, I will eventually deal with my underlying health issues enough to sleep unassisted, but I ain't there yet. And ya know what makes it really hard to make it to go to doctor's appointments and get care? Not being able to sleep!

I had a medical marijuana card before, and I could probably qualify for one again if I had to. But A) Do you really want me taking up a doctor's time for this when there aren't enough doctors for everyone right now? and B) Legalized recreational use keeps availability convenient, variety and quality-control reasonable, and prices low. If you are going to inflict capitalism on me, don't kneecap what little benefit a free market is able to provide.

Now, we don't want to get people high without their consent, and children cannot consent to getting high (although some of them do need cannabis products for medical reasons), so for fuck's sake store your shit carefully if you've got kids. But "cannabis poisoning" as they put it, means, "I feel awful and maybe I threw up but I won't die, even if I'm super paranoid and feel like I might." Most people who wind up in the hospital are adults screwing around with edibles who don't know what to expect, and all they need is a nice, patient friend who'll tell them they're fine. This "poison" doesn't kill people. Unlike, say, antifreeze, or children's Tylenol. (Although, I hear Willie Nelson's friend had a bale of pot fall on him one time, so it's not as safe as they say!)

And the schizophrenia thing... People with mental health issues self-select for these studies by choosing to self-medicate. You might also say cannabis use has a strong correlation with PTSD flashbacks - because people with PTSD know it helps and they freaking well try it, and sometimes they still have flashbacks. A psychedelic is not the best choice for schizophrenia, god no, but if you're having associated depression and sleep issues and you haven't been diagnosed yet, you might give it a try. Better mental healthcare and better, earlier diagnoses and treatment will address this issue more effectively than yet another moral panic.

But a certain portion of the population is really invested in "drugs are bad" and "drug users are addicts and addicts are bad" narrative. Like, literally invested. It keeps them in political power and gets money for studies like this and "public health" campaigns that are really thinly-veiled, outdated DARE propaganda.

Even this study, which specifically excluded medical marijuana use, found social benefits to not criminalizing drug use and drug users. No shit. People don't get addicted to something because addiction is fun; they have severe, unaddressed problems and they're doing whatever they can to cope with them, whether that's staying stoned all the time or blowing their retirement fund on Funko Pops. And most people who use drugs don't get addicted. (Also most people who buy Funko Pops, one assumes.) Removing them from society and giving them all criminal records doesn't help anyone.

Harm reduction should be the goal here, as in most things. You will never get it perfect, but you need to take steps towards improving the general situation as much as possible. Sending the War on Drugs (really, the War on Your Own Population) into extra innings after decades of failure is... Ha-ha, well, it's self-destructive addict behaviour, y'all. Maybe you could use some social services to help you deal with your problems in a better way.

#science #science?#marijuana news #canada news #oy again with the conservatives freaking out in the live comments #and undoubtedly in the government #drugs are not bad #drug users are not bad #you will pry coffee from my cold dead hands #(no the coffee isn't keeping me awake i drink 1-2 cups and never after 3pm - but it sure does help slay my anxiety all day)#i take regular cannabis holidays and when i can sleep without it or antihistamines i will do so #honestly tho my parents tried to control my behaviour with sleep deprivation and that left a freakin mark #so i really would prefer it not be too expensive or illegal to access something that helps - ty

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