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doggiefooditems · 1 year

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Is wheat bread safe for dogs? Bread should not be fed in huge quantities to dogs, and bread should not be the sole source of nutrition. A small slice of wholemeal bread, on the other hand, is acceptable and will not harm a dog. Many dogs prefer bread above any other reward. If your dog has eaten bread and is acting strangely, call your veterinarian right away. Bread is something that most dogs, regardless of size, immediately develop an interest in. It usually begins as table scraps or as a one-time treat during training sessions. can dog eat wheat bread - When masters and mistresses bake fresh bread in the kitchen, dogs are often the first to arrive. Bread's pleasant and tasty aroma draws not only humans but also our trusty four-legged companion. Dogs enjoy eating bread. Can a dog die from eating too much bread? While most breads are healthy for dogs, others can make them extremely sick or even kill them. If bread contains substances that are toxic to dogs, it is harmful. Wismer advises against eating sultana bread because, like grapes, sultanas can induce kidney failure in dogs. Working animals like dogs were given baked items made from barley, spelt, and wheat even in ancient times. The dish was typically steeped in whey or served with bone broth and milk. In this way, the richness of the modest lunch was improved for the faithful companions, in addition to the taste. But, should dogs be given bread, or is it hazardous for them to consume carbs in such large quantities as those found in bread? Can bread make dogs sick? Dogs are usually fine with regular, simple bread. Bread rarely causes stomach distress in dogs unless they have a gluten or wheat sensitivity or have consumed excessive amounts. Bread is high in carbohydrates, which gives your dog an energy boost, but it is also a highly processed food. When it comes to bread, how much is too much for a dog? Bread, whether white or brown, is generally safe for dogs. However, bread is high in sugar and calories, which can lead your dog to gain weight and negatively impact their health. As a result, you should only offer your dog a small amount of bread as a treat. Is it possible for a dog to eat a loaf of bread? Bread is safe for dogs to eat in moderation, just like it is for humans. Plain white and wheat bread is generally safe for dogs, assuming they don't have any allergies, and it rarely causes stomach distress. Is cheese harmful to dogs? Although feeding cheese to your dog is harmless, there are a few things to keep in mind. Cheese is high in fat, and if your dog eats too much of it on a daily basis, it can lead to weight gain and obesity. Even worse, it could cause pancreatitis in dogs, a dangerous and sometimes fatal condition. Is ibuprofen fatal to dogs? Ibuprofen is one of the worst offenders when it comes to the negative effects of this class of medications known as non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs in dogs and cats. In dogs and cats, ibuprofen causes renal failure. A single strong dose is sufficient. Is bread good for a dog's stomach? Choose a light diet instead of bread to soothe your puppy's stomach. For gastrointestinal disorders, the Merck Veterinary Manual suggests feeding a mixture of cooked white rice and cooked skinless chicken or low-fat cottage cheese, rather than high-carbohydrate, sweet white bread, which can promote flatulence. What effect does bread have on dogs? Bread is not suitable for dogs. It is devoid of nutritious value for them and is high in carbs. Giving your dog too much bread can result in weight gain. Furthermore, if your dog is fed a complete and balanced diet of high-quality dog food, it should obtain all of the nutrients it requires. What should a dog with diarrhoea eat? White rice, cottage cheese, yoghurt, cooked macaroni, or oats are mild, readily digestible foods, as are protein-rich foods like eggs or skinless chicken. Keep your dog on this diet until his symptoms subside and his routine

returns to normal. Is it acceptable to toast dogs? Toast is unlikely to damage your dog if consumed in moderation. Some pets, on the other hand, have wheat allergies or sensitivity to grains and do well on a grain-free diet. Toast is not the ideal food for your pet because it is low in nutrients. Are dogs allowed to eat scrambled eggs? Raw or uncooked eggs should never be fed to dogs. While some foods lose minerals when cooked, eggs' protein does not. Cooking them makes them much more digestible. Whether boiling, scrambled, or sunny side up, boiled is the greatest option for your dog. Is it safe for dogs to eat peanut butter? Peanut butter is generally safe for dogs, and when consumed in moderation, it can be a good source of protein, healthy fats, vitamins B and E, and niacin. Owners should never feed their pets sourdough or yeast-based baked foods. Yeast and sourdough can cause stomach swelling in animals. In the worst-case scenario, if the ingredients inflate too much, the pet may die. As a result, pet owners should check the ingredients on bread and rolls packages or inquire with the baker. There is no fresh bread for dogs According to the devoted buddy, fresh bread smells delicious and should absolutely be on the menu. Unfortunately, fresh bread has a harmful impact on the health of dogs. Fresh bread, like sour and yeast dough pasta, causes stomach bloating. This encourages the animal's body to produce gases. The gases frequently cause the dog pain and nausea. There have even been reports of gastritis after eating fresh bread in some cases. As a result, feeding fresh pasta to a family member may result in death. As a result, never give your four-legged buddy fresh bakery products (even as a treat). Make homemade dog bread It can be difficult to identify all of the ingredients in store-bought bread, or they may be incompatible. As a result, making the delectable food for your pet yourself may make sense. To make dog bread, only a few items are required. You may make a crunchy and nutritious dog bread with the following ingredients, for example: Liver Egg Wholemeal Flour Bananas and herbs are also used in some baked items. This imparts a new flavour to the bread, making it even more appealing to the four-legged buddy. In addition, the loving dog receives additional essential nutrients, which help to strengthen and energise its body.

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wolf-zer0 · 3 years

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Ya want some WORLD-BUILDING????

Have some world-building!

*REMINDER* This is based on characters, not real people. I’m not going to be writing any shipping/smut content, especially involving minors. Please be respectful of content creators’ boundaries!

The Crystallos Empire (AKA the Antarctic Empire)

Largest the countries (takes up most of the southern half of the map) but agreed to stop expansion after a bloody battle with Valeriana

Centered on a large snowy mountain in the middle of the tundra

Mostly stays out of other countries’ business, but will step in as a last resort

Has some of the most well-known citizens in the world because… they’re pure chaos

Attack at your own peril

Has vast deposits of ores and gemstones, and the metalwork from Crystallos (mainly weaponry, armor, and jewelry) is highly sought after

The only known food export is potatoes. Wonder why…

Associated Colors: Royal blue, light blue, crimson, gold

Aesthetic/Vibes: gothic vibes, white stone and large stain glass windows, not particularly opulent or extravagant but still impressively royal looking, think catholic cathedral but brighter and with less Jesus (can you tell I’m a recovering catholic yet?), spires shooting into the sky that’s visible even during a blizzard, cavernous halls full of sunlight and echoes, snow that can comfort and kill in equal measure

Notable Members:

Philza Minecraft:

Angel

Visible wings look like a harpy eagle

Probably the most powerful person in the world

Didn’t mean to start an empire it kinda just happened

Also didn’t mean to adopt kids but his Dadza alarm went off

Usually kind but will not hesitate to use violence when necessary

Technoblade:

Is pig.

With braid.

At least 8 feet all

Extremely adept fighter, skilled in almost every form of combat.

Not a people pig, prefers his potato farm to being a prince

Hella protective of his family but will not hesitate to bully when given the opportunity

Wilbur Soot:

Muse who can influence people through song

Can’t totally control people (yet) but can subtly push them in a certain direction

The public face of the imperial family

Would rather insult than fight but can and will cut a bitch if he needs to

Because inspiration is fickle he’ll have some … strange episodes (see: the Sand Incident)

Tommy Innit:

Child.

Chaos incarnate.

Is he human? Is he not? No one’s sure yet.

But he’s a gremlin and a hellion and willing to throw down at any moment.

Has a surprisingly caring side, but no one outside his immediate circle has ever really seen it.

The Kingdom of Valeriana (aka Dream SMP)

Oldest of the countries

Located in the middle of a massive forest at the center of the main continent

Home of the Fae Courts

Ruled by a single king who is chosen by a tournament held every 100 years

Known for causing chaos in other countries, but after an Incident with Crystallos they have kept their meddling to annoyances rather than outright declarations of war

Considered the most magical of all the countries, and traditional enchantments almost all come from Valeriana

Associated Colors: neon green (duh), bright yellow, forest green, light brown, blood red (more saturated than Crystallos), rose gold

Aesthetic/Vibes: spooky art nouveau (idk what else to call it), lots of plants and nature but with an edge of danger, poison gardens and carnivorous plants, hedge mazes that lead everywhere and nowhere, laughter deep in the forest, deer with eyes just a hair too human, Alice in Wonderland on steroids

Notable Members:

Dream:

Current king of the Fae

As long as he’s touching the ground, he knows where everything and everyone is

Can terraform

Unlimited in the boundaries of his kingdom

Much more limited outside of his realm

No one has ever seen what he really looks like, even before he took the throne

Since people outside the kingdom don’t know who he is, he’ll wander the outside world and challenge random people to fights

Never says what happens to the losers

Only one person has ever beaten him: Technoblade

He might have a lil obsession around Techno, but it’s fine.

A little competition is healthy.

Sapnap:

High Lord of the Summer Court

Dream’s right hand man

Likes fire a little too much probably

George:

Human that Dream took a liking too and yoinked from the mortal world

Dream and Sapnap made him immortal but he hasn’t realized it yet.

Skeppy:

Changeling who started growing diamond-like scales across his body

Is vaguely allied with Dream simply because he’s Fae, but is more loyal to BBH

Like a lot of other Fae, likes to make challenges but he makes them less deadly. Not totally safe, just less deadly.

Badboyhalo:

Demon who was kicked out of hell because he was too nice

Found Skeppy in the Overworld and the rest is history

Cursed by the Demon King that the moment he says a swear word, the entire world would end, but can never tell anyone that he is cursed

The Merchant’s Guild

Not quite a country, more of a international power

Oversees the largest and most important businesses in the world

Makes sure that no laws are broken between different countries and everyone gets a fair shake

Has a very large reach, so some members have dabbled in espionage for various groups

From the outside it looks like the whole thing is kept together with duct tape and hope, but its actually pretty functional

The main members are just… a lot.

More concerned with keeping things working than influencing other nations (although there are still jokes about it)

The most valuable thing they trade in is information

They have a lot of fingers in a lot of pots, but are trusted with their information

Associated Colors: dark blue, teal, deep yellow, burnt orange, copper

Aesthetic/Vibes: art deco babie, angles and lines, very modern and streamlined, sleek suits instead of armor or robes, whiskey in a crystal glass, wars won by words not weapons, knowing when someone’s lying without them saying a word

Notable Members:

Schlatt:

Ram-man with a plan

Not that bad of a dude, but is in a position where he is constantly in possession of highly sensitive information and that does things to someone’s mental state

Drinks pretty regularly but not a full blown alcoholic

Trying his best

Can be a snarky asshole sometimes

Quackity:

Lucky duck. literally.

Duck man with an uncanny ability to absorb good luck from people (typically Fundy) and apply it to himself

No one knows when or why he joined the guild, but now he’s there

Pretty damn smart, but hides it behind humor

Fundy:

FOX!

With BEANS!

Trying his goddamn best but life (and Quackity) make it very difficult

Usually is stuck with the shit end of the stick when getting jobs/contracts/etc.

Wilbur being his dad is an inside joke that’s gotten a life of its own.

(No Fishfuckers Allowed!!!)

Puffy:

Badass sheep lady who captains a ship and commands her own armada

Schlatt’s sister

Also part of Storm’s Landing’s council and acts as the main liaison between them

Do not fuck with her she will kick your ass.

Storm’s Landing

Port city that became a country after becoming a safe-haven for seafarers

Led by a council of important people, with the head of the council known as the Admiral

Closest ties to Crystallos and the Merchant’s guild because:

1) Clingy supremacy!!!!

2) it’s a good idea for a guild to have good ties with a large sea power

3) all the dads for Tubbo

Associated Colors: navy blue, scarlet, white, brass

Aesthetic/Vibes: Nautical (obviously) with heavy “Age of Exploration” vibes, barnacles crusted on treasure chests, think tall ships and pirates and shit, respecting the ocean because holy shit she’s gonna smash your boat to pieces on a whim because she can, has an edge of darkness because when you go deep enough who knows what you’ll find down there (maybe mermaids???)

Notable Members:

CaptainSparklez:

elected to Admiral after the previous Admiral went missing on a routine voyage

(idk who it used to be, I just wanted to make him new at leading)

not 100% sure about the whole thing, but handling it pretty okay

still answers to “Captain” instead of “Admiral”.

Niki:

If Storm’s Landing had a queen, would be it unquestionably

Never gets robbed even though there’s a well known “underbelly” in town

Could probably end wars with her croissants

Has a significant history of empathic abilities in her family, so she can tell how people are feeling at all times

Eret:

Owns a magic store in town that really only shows itself to people who need it.

Having a bad mental health day?

He’s got a warm blanket and a cup of your favorite warm beverage waiting.

Dysphoric?

She’s got the perfect outfit and affirming words already prepared.

Trying to find that specific book but can’t remember the title or plot, only vaguely know the color of the cover?

They’ve got it.

Ranboo:

Not sure why he decided to move to a seaside city when he’s not chill with water, but now he’s here and he’s too anxious to leave

Known for teleporting around town randomly when nervous, and the people who find him are always willing to let a hand if he gets lost

Tubbo:

This boi! Has so many dads!

Epitome of “Kindness does not equal weakness.”

While a lot of people underestimate him, he’s not some fragile little flower

He hasn’t fully grown into his ability to speak to animals (he can only understand bees right now)

He’s just as much of a shit stirrer as Tommy.

When they meet up, look out. Something’s getting destroyed.

The Astral Academy

An independent university focused on advancing knowledge in the arcane arts and engineering

Not a country, but has the political power of one due to their vast resources and building prowess

People can’t enter unless they are invited or have been given entry as a student

There are a bunch of potential doors scattered around the continent that could lead to the Academy, but no one is sure where the real entrance is

Associated Colors: royal purple, lilac, sepia, sky blue, silver, bronze Aesthetic/Vibes: bright academia, massive libraries with bookshelves stuffed to bursting, workshop benches covered in scrap and prototypes, open air observatories, runes waiting to be translated, the crackling energy that comes from successful collaboration, falling down a research rabbit hole, bursting with pride after a project is a success

Notable Members:

Sam

Purpled

Ponk

Punz

Antfrost

Jack Manifold

I don’t know much about these characters, so if you have any ideas please let me know!

Zero’s OC Land - The North Haven

Smallest and newest country

Recently gained independence from under a cruel dictator (not schlatt lol)

Located in a pine forest at the base of a huge mountain range

Has pretty good relations with the other countries, but outsiders don’t know much about them

Main exports are wood carvings and leather goods

Associated Colors: Maroon, dark brown, black, pewter

Aesthetic/Vibes: medieval but with a modern twist, dark wood lit by a roaring fireplace, snow-covered woods without a living soul in sight, half timber houses and detailed wood carving, no outrageous ornamentation or extravagance

Notable Members:

Tyr:

Lord of the North Haven

trying to keep his people safe and protected

one of the few remaining Spirits (higher in power than the Fae, but lower than angels)

Spirit of Justice

lost a hand in the war for North Haven’s independence

didn’t want to become the leader but does a pretty good job at it

Adopted 5 kids and is trying his best

Bragi:

Heir Apparent

24 year old human

can influence the world by speaking (not singing) but has to be careful about which words he uses

has a book full of phrases that have proven effects (a spellbook of sorts)

has a friendly rivalry with Wilbur

Freya:

Spymaster

actually the oldest but abdicated because she feels she’s not the right person to lead a country

age unknown because she’s the last known [REDACTED] (it’ll be revealed, but I wanna build suspense)

has gyrfalcon wings and heightened senses

chronic insomniac

Forseti:

Official Librarian

20 years old

hybrid with an unknown entity

has black fingers with sharp claws

always wears gloves to hide them

can create portals to places he’s been or to people he knows (the second is much riskier, but not impossible)

knowledge sponge

wants to join the Astral Academy but is too nervous to apply

Odin:

Older Twin

The “Sensible One”

17 years old

Has an uncanny sense of direction

Can’t get lost no matter what

Can manipulate magnetic fields

Loki:

Younger Twin

The “Hot Headed One”

17 years old

can manipulate fire

idolizes his older siblings, particularly Freya

The Institute

Creeping around in the background

Up to bad things

Something’s going on in the world, but no one’s noticed yet

They will though… soon

Aesthetic/Vibes: minimalism (the worst kind of vibes imo), think laboratories or empty hospitals, harsh artificial lights and cold floors, labyrinths of monotonous hallways with no doors

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trashyswitch · 3 years

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Learning Each Other's Personal Rules

Remy quickly learns the rules when it comes to Emile's cartoon hobbies and tangents. Not only that, but Emile soon learns the rules when it comes to Remy's love for Starbuck's Iced Latte.

And before Mushu can light a rocket, the boys end up in a vengeance-filled tickle fight.

This prompt was suggested by an anonymous user! So whoever you are, I hope this fanfic is to your liking. (also I hope you don't mind that I sprinkled in some Patton.)

Emile had been going on cartoon tangents for hours. He wouldn’t stop talking. Every single conversation about cartoons led to a moment that reminded him of another cartoon he loved. Steven Universe, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Gravity Falls, Mickey Mouse, Pokemon, Disney films, Rugrats, even CatDog came up at some point!

Patton had been listening intently, while Remy looked like he was gonna fall asleep from boredom. The poor guy was going through a caffeine crash and couldn’t keep himself awake. Even if he could, Remy would soon start mentally complaining and consider just leaving the room. He knew that Emile was into cartoons, but this was getting ridiculous.

Patton quickly elbowed Remy in the side to get him to wake up. Unfortunately for Remy, this worked enough to wake him up. “Hmmmmm? Huh? What’re we talkin’ about? Remy asked.

Patton frowned at him. “You’re falling asleep in the middle of a conversation. It’s rude!” Patton whispered to him.

Emile giggled. “Patty, the entire Sanders Sides fandom can hear you.” He told him.

Patton blinked and looked at him, feeling bad. “Sorry.”

“Naaah, it’s okay! I’m just happy to see I got half of the audience’ interest.” Emile admitted.

Patton giggled while Remy smiled a little at the destruction of the 4th wall.

“Besides: I need to start looking for new cartoons.” Emile told them.

Remy chuckled at that and drank some more of his latte.

Emile turned to look at him. “What?” Emile replied.

Remy shook his head. “Noooothin’.” He replied.

“No, what? You’re keeping secrets from me.” Emile asked.

Remy’s mouth morphed into a smirk as he tried not to laugh. “Nohothing!”

Emile huffed. “Tell. Me. The truth.” Emile ordered, leaning closer and closer to him with narrowed eyes.

Remy looked at Emile with an eyebrow raised and removed the straw from his mouth. “I think my bunny slippers ran for cover.” He told him in the Mushu voice.

“HEY!” Emile pushed him away and pouted, making Remy burst out laughing. “Don’t you mushu me!” Emile warned.

“Down bessie.” Remy said next.

“Okay, that’s it!” Emile grabbed Remy’s latte and placed it onto a nearby table, before tackling him down onto the couch. “Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family!” He looked at the latte. “Take a note of this.” He pointed both his hands at Remy. “Dishonor on YOU, Dishonor on ya COW!”

Remy just bursted out laughing at him. “YOHOHOHOU BAHARELY HAVE THE ACCENT DOHOHOWN!”

Emile scoffed and shrunk himself down with a pouty face. “It’s a hard accent to interpret.”

Remy just laughed harder at that! “NOHOHO IHIHIT’S NAHAHAT! IHIT’S SOHOHO EHEASY!”

Emile narrowed his eyes at him. How dare!

But quickly, Emile’s anger turned to mischief as a smirk grew on his lips. “Well since you’re already laughing...” Emile shoved his hands under Remy’s black jacket and started drumming his fingers on the guy’s ribs. “You minus well have a proper reason!”

“NOOOHOHOHOHO! NOHOHO TIHIHICKLIHIHIHING!” Remy protested, squirming around and pushing at his chest.

“Well, I think the tickling is justified! It would make me feel much better being laughed at while being tickled, than being laughed at for failing a Mushu accent.” Emile admitted.

“STAHAHAHAP! THIHIHIS IHIHIS UHUHUHUNNECESsSsSAHAHARY!” Remy argued, finally grabbing Emile’s wrists.

“Oh really?” Emile asked, his hands now bound in Remy’s hands.

“Yehehes!” Remy started to calm down.

“If tickles are unnecessary, then THIS-!” Emile spread his arms out to the side and leaned in, blowing a raspberry on his belly. “-must be AbSoLuTeLy PoInTLeSs!” Emile lifted his head up and said.

Remy threw his head back and started laughing and cackling while kicking his feet. “BUHUHUT IT IHIHIHIS!” Remy argued.

“If it’s so pointless, then why are you enjoying it?” Emile asked as he stopped tickling him.

Remy started to slowly calm down, and looked up at Emile. “Oh, now you've done it!” Remy quickly squeezed Emile’s knee to catch him off guard, and went for his hips immediately after.

“OHO NO! REMY! NAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OHOKAHAHAY, IHIHI’M SAHAHARRYHYHYHY!” Emile bursted out, bucking his hips and falling backwards onto his butt.

“Woooow! You really can’t handle that much tickling?” Remy asked, still drilling at the sensitive spots.

“IHIHIHI CAHAHAHAN’T!” Emile yelled back.

“Could it possibly be, that you’re not tickled enough to get used to it?” Remy asked curiously.

“IHIHI- OHOHOHOKAHAHAY, MAHAHAYBEHEHEHE...” Emile considered.

“Alright.” Remy stopped tickling and let him breath for a few moments. “Would you rather I took things slow for you?” Remy asked.

Emile bit his lips and nodded. “Mm hmm…Yes please.”

Remy smirked. “I hate to break it to you, but you’re not getting off lightly.” Remy grabbed onto Emile’s leg and started tickling behind the knee. Emile squealed like a toddler and started kicking his other foot. “OHOHO MYHYHYHY GAHAHAHASH! IHIHIT TIHIHICKLEHEHES, REHEHEMHMYHYHY!” Emile laughed.

“It does, huh? I was starting to think it didn’t tickle with how much you were laughing at me.” Remy teased.

“DOHOHON’T YOHOHOU GEHEHET SMAHART WITH MEHEHE, MIHISTER!” Emile warned.

“Or what? You’ll laugh to death? Leave me to clean up your mess? Make me seem like the imposter? Newsflash: I may be sus, but I’m not the imposter.” Remy teased. “Ejection comes at a priiiiice~.” Remy sing-songed.

“YOHOHOU DOHON’T EVEN PLAHAY AMOHONG UHUHUS!” Emile yelled at him.

Remy gasped and placed a hand on his own chest. “Yes I do! Just not with you.” Remy added.

Patton gasped while Emile shook his head in Remy’s arms. “MEHEHEANIHIHIE!” Emile warned.

“Well fine!” Remy stopped tickling and crossed his arms. “Be like that then.”

Emile let out pants of exhaustion to get his oxygen levels back up. “Just...j-just you wait...Ihi’m...g...getting...revenge.” Emile warned as he struggled to lift himself up.

“Yeah yeah, just keep breathing.” Remy pushed his chest back down till his body hit the ground once again. Emile let out a light oof sound as his back made contact with the carpet.

Remy let him breathe for a bit and summoned a brand new iced latte. “Man! I missed this glorious stuff.” Remy admitted as he sucked back a big mouthful.

Emile looked up and frowned. “You have an addiction.” Emile admitted.

“Yeah I do~” Remy replied. “What else am I gonna use to wake me the hell up?”

“How about water?” Emile suggested.

Remy looked at Emile like he had 4 heads. “Nnno.” Remy rolled his eyes and kept on drinking the iced latte.

“You know that thing has over 150 mg of caffeine, right?” Emile added.

“Mhm! Only the best stuff contains caffeine in my book.” Remy admitted. “Besides: since when did you become a nutritionist?” Remy asked.

“Remy...I don’t need to be a nutritionist to tell you that your body’s too dependent on caffeine. You need to try and stop.” Emile told him.

“Back off, okay? Just because you’re a therapist, doesn’t mean you can mother me.” Remy told him.

“I’m not mothering you. I’m telling you as a counsellor to a patient...to find other foods and beverages that don’t have as much caffeine.” Emile told him calmly.

“Last time I checked: there are much worse drugs, steroids and beverages that I could be addicted to. So you need to chill and let me do me.” Remy suggested with some attitude.

“Fine.” Emile crossed his arms. “If you’re gonna be a sassy teenager about it, then I’ll treat you like one.” Emile took Remy’s latte out of his hand, placed it onto the table beside the other almost-finished latte, and tackled Remy onto the ground.

Remy let out an offended grunt. “How dare you take my precious! Get off me, and give it back right now!” Remy argued.

Emile smirked and skittered his fingers on Remy’s ribs once again.

“NO, NOHO! NOHOHOHOHOHO! YOHOHOU BIHIHIHITCH! IHIHIHI’M GOHOHONNA KIHIHIHILL YOHOHOHOHOU!” Remy threatened.

“We’ll see if Remy, the coffee addict of Florida-rama, can handle some tickles for that sassy attitude you gave me earlier.” Emile suggested.

Remy just laughed and wiggled, while shaking his head. “CUHUHUHUT IHIHIHIT OHOHOUHUT EHEHEM!” Remy ordered.

“Awww! Can poor Remy not handle de tickle tickle tickles?” Emile teased. “Would you rather I took things slow for you?” Emile asked, quoting Remy from earlier.

Remy shook his head. “IHIHI’M NAHAHAT AHA BAHAHABY, EHEM.” Remy protested.

Emile widened his eyes, stopped tickling him and summoned a paper. “I know you’re not a baby. You’re very much an adult.” Emile reacted, pointing to the age collumn on Thomas’s birth record. “But even adults need to take things slow sometimes.” Emile told him, unsummoning the birth record.

“Nahahat mehe. Ihihi’m a fahahast pehehersohon. Ihi lihihike the fahahast lahane!” Remy told him.

“Okay.” Emile took off Remy’s slippers and held Remy’s legs inside a headlock. “You asked for it!” Emile immediately started skittering his fingernails all over his feet.

Remy screamed and arched his back while holding his head in utter surprise at the intensity. “OHOHOHO FAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHA-” Remy sat himself up and tried to reach Emile. “GEHEHET OHOHOVEHEHER HEHEHERE YOHOHOU AHAHAHASSHOHOHOLE!” Remy yelled at him.

Emile gasped and looked at him in pure offense. “How DARE you use that potty mouth of yours against me!” Emile yelled. “Looks like I’m gonna have to go for these tickle tickle ticklish little arches!” Emile teased as he started scratching rapidly right on the left foot’s arch.

Remy wheezed and flopped back onto the ground, wiggling and tugging everywhere to get free. Finally, he took in a breath and let out all the hysterical laughter that trapped itself a couple seconds prior. “STAHAHAHAHAHAP! STAHAHAPSTAHAPSTAHAHAPSTAHAHAP PLEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHASE!” Remy begged and pleaded.

Emile, feeling a little bad for the guy, finally decided to give him mercy. He stopped tickling his foot, but didn’t let go quite yet. “Do you give up?” Emile asked.

Remy took a moment or two to breathe heavily and get some oxygen into his lungs. His sunglasses had fallen off just minutes ago, and he was still dealing with a heavy case of after-giggles. But...to Emile’s (and even Remy’s) surprise, the man in the sunglasses shook his head! He was NOT giving up!

“N...No! I...will...n-never giveup!...Never...” Remy shot back.

Emile giggled and pulled back Remy’s toes. “Better have a will saved...Cause you might need it.” Emile smiled and started scratching under Remy’s SUPER sensitive toes.

“OHNO! OHOHOHO-NONONONO WAHAHAHAHAHAIT! OHOHOFF GETOFFME EHEHEHEHEMIHIHIHIHILYYYYYYYYY!” Remy SCREAMED!

“You giving up yet?” Emile asked.

“OHOHOKAHAHAY, OHOHOHOHOKAHAHAY! OHOHOKAHAY IGIVE! IHIHI GIHIHIHIVE!” Remy screamed and thrashed like his life depended on it to survive.

Emile couldn’t help but laugh at Remy’s rather swift surrender. The poor man had no clue just what he was going in for until it was too late. By now, Remy’s entire face and parts of his neck were red from exhaustion and the building body heat.

Emile grabbed Remy some water and handed him the glass. He could predict that his voice and his throat was probably sore and hoarse. Water was only a temporary solution, but it was meant to at least soothe his throat while he panted.

Remy drank all the water in a few quick chugs and let his breath out with hard panting to follow. “*huff*...*huff*...Th...thank...Thanks...thank you...Emile…” Remy said politely despite his breathing issue.

“You’re welcome. Sorry if I overdid it.” Emile apologized.

“It...it’s...alright. I...I for...forgive you.” Remy replied.

Emile smiled and handed him his sunglasses. “You might need these to see in the SuPeR bRiGhT rOoM.” Emile teased.

“Mm...Mmhm...Sobright. So...so bright.” Remy joked along with him.

Emile giggled and booped his snoot. Then, Remy and Emile both looked over at Patton, who was just watching from the couch with a big grin on his face and a bowl of popcorn in his hand.

“Having fun, Patton?” Emile asked.

Patton giggled. “This is more entertaining than Dr. Doofenschmirtz’s childhood.” Patton admitted.

Emile and Remy both burst out laughing at that.

And before they knew it, all three of the boys had started impersonating Dr. Doofenschmirtz’s voice and were quoting his backstories.

Perhaps cartoons really DID bring them together!

#fluff #references to cartoons #ticklefic #switch!remy #switch!emile #background patton #some humor #coffee addict remy #worried emile #phineas and ferb references #mulan 1998 references

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wickedsrest-rp-archive · 3 years

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Supernatural Diseases - Shifters

Note: Please message us if you plan on using these! We just want to coordinate to make sure there’s no doubling up at the same time.

General:

Stuck Shift: For those who can shift at will, a stuck shift is when an individual is stuck between their two forms, which can be very painful and make it hard for the person to function. Generally resolves on its own with time, but there may be some lotions sold on Amity Road that can speed things up.

Balam:

Chronic hairballs, obviously.

Apotheon: The balam suffers from the feeling that they are something divine that was broken into many pieces, and begins to exhibit deific delusions of grandeur and a sense of creeping loss. There isn’t a known cause to this condition, and it can be difficult for a balam to get out of this mindset. However, they can be shaken from it if something forces them to come to grips with their own mortality.

Toxoplasmosis magicii: A magical parasite much like the normal cat parasite, that is completely harmless to the jaguar form and can cause fever, body aches, swollen lymph nodes while a balam is in human form. This results in an increased desire to stay in the jaguar form for longer and longer periods. Can be treated with selkie slime.

Bugbear:

Fear Toxicity: Fear begins to be toxic to the bugbear, usually derived from not feeding enough. Over time, the bugbear will grow gradually sicker as they continue to feed, and eventually they will be completely unable to feed on fear, leading to inevitable starvation. In the short term, this causes their illusion powers to not function properly, and in the long term it is deadly. Fortunately, there’s an easy enough cure -- receiving a nightmare from a mara.

Scare-bies: Caused by small, supernatural mites that burrow under the skin. They’re extremely itchy, and after a time, will even cause patches of hair to fall out in a bugbear’s bear form, giving them a mangey appearance. These mites can impair a bugbear’s ability to cast illusions, making it difficult -- even impossible -- for them to feed properly. Over time this can lead to starvation and even death. Fortunately, scare-bies can be treated by special ointment made from mara blood and grounded up yeth hound tentacles. This smothers the mites until they crawl out of the skin. It’s important that every bit of infected skin is covered by the ointment otherwise the infection will spread once more.

Ursus Mane: More unpleasant and awkward than anything else, Ursus Mane is caused by a virus that affects hair growth. In bear form, afflicted bugbears are completely hairless, leaving their skin vulnerable to the elements and anyone who would do them harm. In human form, these unfortunate bugbears are covered in a thick coat of bear hair, resembling the most extreme cases of hypertrichosis. This can be treated with the use of supernatural steroids that gradually return the hair to its rightful form.

Kitsune:

Elemental Shifting: The kitsune will shift elements uncontrollably and without warning. This is particularly problematic not only to the kitsune but to others. i.e. A river kitsune suddenly with thunder powers would not know how to use their powers. The exact cause of the condition is not known, but it’s likely highly magical, and will typically resolve itself over time -- hopefully before something disastrously wrong happens.

Kitsunebi: Part of the mythological association between kitsune and will-o-wisps may stem from this relatively harmless ailment, wherein a kitsune who uses their powers very liberally may have will-o-wisps gravitate to their location. The wisps do not harm the kitsune, but it makes it hard to move inconspicuously. Refraining from using their magic for an extended period will cause the will-o-wisps to drift away over time.

Inari’s Void: The kitsune’s fox-shaped shadow takes on a “mind of its own” and begins attacking people in range, possibly even leading to peoples’ deaths. On some level, the shadow may be acting out the kitsune’s worst impulses. This seems to be brought on randomly in places with large amounts of spiritual or magical energy, especially if the energy is corrupted in some way. The effects linger even once the kitsune leaves the location, but they will dissipate on their own over time.

Lamia:

Medusa Trichoptilosis: The lamia begins to grow snakes on their head. They don't harm the lamia but could prove a nuisance, such as trying to bite a passerby. This condition may cause some sensory overload to the lamia as they’re now able to see, hear, and smell from multiple locations on their head, which can be disorienting. The snake heads must be painfully chopped off, and after the lamia’s next shed, all will be well.

Dysecdysis/Stuck Shed: If a lamia is not well-fed or exposes themselves to poor environmental conditions, they may have a hard time shedding their skin. This can cause the old skin to painfully adhere to the new one underneath, which looks pretty awful and is very uncomfortable for the lamia. Over time this corrects itself, but sometimes the new skin becomes somewhat damaged in the process.

Clogged Venom Glands: If a lamia doesn’t use their venom for too long, it may harden and clog inside of the gland. This is painful, and causes swelling in the face and neck. While the glands are swollen they can’t use their venom, and they may need some magical assistance to gradually free the glands.

Selkie:

Sensory Inversus: Caused by a parasite, Sensory Inversus makes the senses of the selkie become acute above ground, and dulled underwater. This results in increased light sensitivity, whiskers growing in human form, and overly sensitive hearing in human form. Additionally, this makes it dangerous for the selkie to be in seal form, because those senses are needed underwater. Specific potions made of mermaid fins can treat it.

The Skin Crawls: Selkies start experiencing an intense desire to wear someone else’s skin, usually not another selkie’s. It starts as a subconscious off-hand thought, then slowly grows over time until it's all encompassing. The feeling will go as soon as the selkie puts on someone else’s skin (...After carefully peeling it off their victim who will likely die). The other treatment would be using the skin from a well-formed mermaid.

“Donkeyskin”: Caused by a fungal infection that can get into the pelt if not cared for properly, making it fit weird, and causing the limbs to not all transform properly. This can feel strange in the water, and makes the selkie look a little like a mutant seal monster. While not necessarily painful, it is irritating and a little itchy when interacting with the selkie goo. The infection can be treated by soaking the skin in a bath made from warm water and selkie mucus for 15-24 hours. Should it be left untreated, the damage to the skin will be left irreversible.

Siren:

Witherwings: Sirens must be particularly careful about selecting their prey, otherwise they may face consequences. Many normal humans and other supernatural individuals can be carriers for Witherwings, which has no presenting symptoms in non-siren individuals. However, once a siren has consumed an individual with the virus, they will experience fever, itching, and discover that their feathers will begin to fall out. If not treated soon enough, a siren can permanently lose their feathers. Treatment for Witherwings include topical oils with bits of crushed phoenix feather.

Omnitone: A strange phenomena can occur where sirens lose the ability to control their mesmerizing musical abilities. Instead of being able to actively turn on their powers, sirens will find they are enthralling people with their speaking voice and those under their power are prone to dangerous levels of obsession. Drinking lemon tea mixed with eintykára honey is the common practice of getting rid of this affliction.

Mushmouth: (Teeth horror tw) Particularly messy eaters in the siren community should be aware of Mushmouth, a very annoying but minor disease of the mouth. Similar to cavities, too much accumulated iron will cause siren teeth to begin to rot and even fall out. A diet of only fae (as they don’t have iron blood) can allow them to avoid this condition. Mushmouth is easily avoided by regular flossing, brushing of teeth, and general dental hygiene. Once afflicted, sirens must refrain from eating flesh and rinse nightly with a brine made with mermaid scales.

Werewolf:

WereFleas: While werewolves may not be prone to dog fleas (the jury is out on that one) they do have their own flea species to worry about. If this mutant kind of flea bites a werewolf, an uncontrollable itch occurs. The fleas will live in the fur (or hair) of an individual and reproduce there, worsening the problem. If left untreated, this causes numbness in the areas of the bites. Strangely enough, this can be treated with regular dog/flea removal.

Úlfhéðnar: A rare disease stemming from wolfsbane consumption, the werewolf begins to feel the wolf within overshadowing their humanity, often getting the feeling that their human shape is ‘false’ or some fake skin they are ‘wearing.’ Their senses sharpen beyond the werewolf norm but animalistic behaviors, sometimes violent ones, begin to increasingly creep into their human life, and the onset can be quite rapid. This can go all the way to losing the capacity to understand human language, and walking on all fours. One of the better treatments for this is to proactively re-engage with human life, almost pushing away the wolf side as much as possible. This can be dangerous if the violent behaviors are already an issue, and may result in the werewolf losing touch with their wolf side around the full moon.

Osteolupinus: (Chronic illness tw) Wolves get afflicted with a joint and bone disorder which makes turning more painful than usual, and can result in imperfect transformations -- for example, the skin and musculature changing but not the bones, or vice versa. Not only is this painful, but it can inhibit movement, and can be an issue in either direction of the transformation. Can be treated by eating the bones of a bonedoggle, zombie, or banaspati.

#lore #long post #chronic illness tw

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rawiswhore · 3 years

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Triple H x Fem Reader- “ImPECcable”

We all know that most athletes have muscles and many of them are on steroids.

It's debatable whether or not if pro wrestlers are athletes and if professional wrestling is a sport.

But many pro wrestlers have muscular bodies and especially have pectoral muscles, some of them can even bounce and twerk their pecs.

Though, just because you have pecs doesn't mean you're sexy. Just look at Hulk Hogan.

However, there is a pro wrestler who not only does he have such big, juicy pecs, but a handsome face as well.

Who is he?

Triple H!

During the late 90's, before Triple H disbanded from D Generation X, during a time when Triple H didn't have facial hair, you were lying in bed with him one night in a hotel room, the light on the nightstand was turned on, and you were snuggled and cuddled up right next to him.

He wasn't wearing a shirt when he was in bed with you, he rested his head on one of the pillows and one of your hands was vertically caressing up and down his chest.

You had his nipple in your mouth and sucked it like you were a baby breastfeeding.

Usually, it's men who are sucking your nipples, but tonight, it's vice versa.

Men have sensitive nipples and areolas as well, just look at Triple H rubbing one of his nipples during that DX promo from 2006 where he said he can't stop thinking about cheerleaders.

He doesn't mind you sucking on one of his nipples, in fact, he loves it.

His penis was already hard when he's cuddled up right next to you, but it's growing and getting even harder thanks to you sucking on one of his nipples and stroking his chest at the same time.

You didn't just suck his nipple, but also made the tip of your tongue run in circles on his tiny little areola.

Triple H, meanwhile, is looking at you, grinning at you, but deep down, he's thinking how good this feels and the blood swelling up his penis.

You tried to make the tip of your tongue run in circles circles on his areola, sometimes you even made most of your tongue lick on his areola in circles.

Did it work? Yep!

You're running the tip of your tongue around his nipple, running it in circles.

You're surprised he isn't lifting his hands up and making them form an "x" or "v" shape and exclaiming "suck it!" over one of his pecs.

Though, that's probably reserved more for fellatio and sucking his cock.

He has such beautiful, juicy pecs that don't have any chest hair on them, and that's a good thing.

You placed your tongue on his areola, and not the tip of your tongue.

You started to vertically drag and lick your tongue up to the top of one of his pecs, licking that pec.

This took Triple H by surprise, his eyes growing wide in shock and he nearly jumped a bit, he even smiled and laughed a little bit.

But he doesn't mind this.

Your tongue vertically licked up to the top of his pec, not zigzagging everywhere, just licking it in a straight line, your tongue left a road of saliva on his pec.

When you reached the top of his pec, you moved your tongue back to the bottom of his left pectoral muscle, to a dry spot on his skin that didn't have a trail of saliva drenching it.

That dry spot on his skin wasn't blotched with red marks, no, just an area that doesn't have your saliva on it.

You placed your tongue on the bottom of his pec and vertically licked his pec up to the top again, creating another line of saliva, dampening his skin.

He can actually bounce and twerk his pecs, as evident during that promo where he, Shawn Michaels, Chyna and Rick Rude were in the locker room and Shawn mooned his ass, and you're surprised he isn't trying to bounce his pecs in front of you.

Though, bouncing his pecs would make it a bit difficult for you to lick up his pecs without messing it up.

When you reached the top, now it was back to the bottom, where your tongue continued to stroke and caress up his hard pec, licking it vertically, though sometimes you licked both of his pecs like a Popsicle, licking his pecs up and down.

Your tongue made his pec wet, his pec now drenched in saliva, but not enough to have drool dripping from it.

When that pec was all wet, you moved over to his right pec, moving your hand on his chest out of the way, and began sucking on his other nipple as well as licking his areola with the tip of your tongue.

And when you were finished sucking and licking his nipple, yep, you did vertically lick up his pecs, licking them slowly and carefully, not zigzagging.

Your tongue made vertical trails of saliva on his pecs from left to right, making sure to drench his pecs with your saliva.

Triple H could fall asleep like this, and his eyes are getting heavy, but he needs something like this since his body is so tense and sore from wrestling.

While you don't mind sucking on men's nipples and biting them,

Shawn Michaels might've been hot in the late 90's, but his pecs are tiny and they have chest hair on them!

Chest hair might be good for running your fingers through, but not licking.

Jeff Hardy is adorable, but he doesn't have any pecs, but you'd still suck his nipples though.

You have sucked and licked the pecs of other pro wrestlers, like Val Venis, Davey Boy Smith, Raven, Billy Gunn and Test, though I bet you readers would rather read about Triple H than the rest.

In fact, I had Triple H in mind when typing this fic.

#triple h #fanfiction #90s #wwf #attitude era #wwf attitude

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chickensarentcheap · 4 years

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Sanctuary - Chapter Three

WARNINGS: Smut

Tagging: @valkyrie-of-the-light, @alievans007, @c-a-v-a-l-r-y

@valkyrie-of-the-light there is mentions of the hair in here just for you ;)

He will never tire of the way his name sounds as it escapes her lips. Whether it be the soft, content sighs, the urgent pleading, the breathless moans, or the unabashed screams at the very height of pleasure. The latter is his favourite; picturing the way her entire body tenses and her toes curl, eyes closing and head falling back as she loses all control. It’s a sign of a job well done. His ego kicked up a notch knowing that he’d been the one that had been able to elicit that kind of reaction out of her.

And then there’s her hands. Greedy. Desperate. Clutching and grabbing at his forearms, biceps and shoulders. Fingers twisting and yanking at his hair; painfully tight on some occasions. Nails that would dig into his ass and his back, leaving long red trails of broken skin in their wake.

She sighs. Long and drawn out as her back arches and her hands clutch at the sheets below. Her eyes are closed; dark hair fanned out across the pillow, heels digging into the mattress. Feeling the goosebumps that have invaded her skin; hands and mouth working together, drawing out those little whimpers that make her sound so vulnerable. Fingertips ghosting over the back of her calves and lingering behind her knees as the tip of his tongue makes a slow and agonizing ascent, starting at the side of her ankle and dragging along her smooth, pale skin. Lips suckling, teeth nipping, his hair brushing tickling her flesh.

Unlike last night when all three times had been fast and furious, he takes his time. It’s been a long, agonizing two weeks and he has a lot to make up for. Another absence, more time away from his family, his wife picking up all the slack and doing the work of two. He feels selfish; guilty that he expects so much of her while he’s away, but always grateful and appreciative when he returns home. But sometimes words aren’t enough; nor are the flowers or the little gifts. Sometimes actions are truly what is needed. And she deserves to be worshipped like the Queen that she was. From head to toe.

The tip of his nose brushes the inside of her thighs and he draws the supple flesh between his teeth, lightly biting down before soothing the red, irritated area with his tongue. Her hands reach for his hair; longer since they’d first met, unruly and unkempt, falling across his forehead and shielding his eyes. Fingers glide across the back of her knees and then travel before; applying pressure, squeezing, pinching, until he slides both hands under her ass and it rests in his palms. She’s already wet; he can see the arousal that seeps out of her, feel the heat that she emanates, and he inhales that sweet, intoxication scent. Better and more successful than any other aphrodisiac in the world. His cock immediately hardening; painful even in the confines of his baggy sweats.

“Tyler…” she says it now, a whine that tumbles from her lips. He’s never heard a more beautiful sound.

She’s tugging on his hair; attempting to pull him closer in a desperate attempt to get his mouth on her. It has always been one of his favorite things; tasting her, teasing her, getting his fingers and his tongue deep inside. Gladly spending hours with his face between her legs; eating her out until she was delirious and shrieking with pleasure. Giving her mere minutes to recuperate before going right back to it. He is an unselfish and generous lover; she’d told him that once. And he’s taken it upon himself to be the one that gives her everything that no one man before him had ever been able to achieve. Wanting to be the one that erased all those other experiences out of her memory.

She gasps when she finally feels his mouth of her; thighs falling open when his tongue licks a long, wide strip along her folds and then sneaks its way past; finding that tingling and sensitive bundle of nerves and taking it between his lips. Suckling. Gently at first, then much harder, until her hips are arching off the bed and that sopping pussy is forced into his face. He accepts it willingly; fingers biting into the flesh of her ass as he feasts on her; as if he’s been starved and neglected for months and has no idea when this chance may come again. His main focus is her clit; tongue pressing against and eliciting a loud gasp.

“Shhhh…” he whispers, breath warm against her mound. “…you’ll wake the kids.”

She opens her mouth to respond but all that comes out is a whimper, his tongue inside of her now. As deep as it can possibly go, fucking her while one of his fingertips slips between the cheeks of her ass and briefly comes in contact with the tight, puckered hole. She’d once considered that an ‘exit only’. Until she’d finally relented and let him go where no man had ever gone before. The sensation brings out shriek, and she places her arm over her face and uses the crook of her elbow to stifle the noise. A disappointed groan when his finger retreats and one hand returns to the cheek of her ass and the other moves forward; two fingers holding those swollen lips open as he continues to ravage her. Licking, sucking, nibbling, until she’s panting and breathless and crying out into her elbow. And when he knows she’s close…when he can feel the way her body tenses and those hands tighten their hold on his hair…he takes her clit into his mouth and a finger pushes its way into her ass.

The orgasm is intense, surging through her with the force of tsunami. And there’s tears rolling down her cheeks as she screams his name. The noise muffled by her own arm, her entire body arching clear off the bed.

He gives her a chance to recover; grinning as he sits back on his heels and uses the front of his shirt to clear her juices from his lips and beard. A hand softly stroking and massaging the back of her right calf as her body comes down from its high. Listening as she whimpers and struggles to pull air into her lungs, seeing the flush in her cheeks and the sweat that glistens on her naked body. And when the trembling finally subsides and her breathing has almost returned to normal, he presses his lips to her stomach and then moved upward; palms on the mattress as he trails kisses up her body; over her torso and through the valley between her breasts, across her collarbone and the along the side of her neck and jaw. Then finally reaching her lips.

“That was a good one, yeah?” the grin is broad. Proud. What better of an ego boost to know that you have that kind of effect on someone?”

“Mm hm,” she manages, and her hands push through his hair as she lifts her head to kiss him.

Soft and languid at first. Until he feels the press of her tongue against his lips and then his teeth; her arm curling around his neck and pulling him down on top of her. Not caring if her body has to bear his full weight; their tongues fighting for dominance, his hand exploring her body as her nails dig into the nape of his neck. And it’s his turn to shudder against her when he feels those fingers on his back; lazily feeling their way along all of the muscles, fingertips tracing the outline of his tattoos by sheer memory.

“Fuck…” he hisses, when those nails scrape down his hip and down the back of his sweats.

She’s a vicious little thing at times. Scratching. Biting. Hair pulling. And he always just goes along for the ride; turned on by how assertive and aggressive she can be. A woman who knows exactly what and who she wants and doesn’t allow any inhibitions to hold her back. Her hand moves to the front now; fingers wrapping around his cock, a thumb brushing over the tip and smearing the precum that has gathered there.

Her teeth latch onto his bottom lip; hard enough to puncture the skin. Her free hand grabbing a hold of the waist band of his pants and showing them down his hips and over his ass. Anxious to be closer to him. To have all of him. And he slides a hand between her legs once more; fingers teasing her clit before dipping inside.

“No babies,” she says, and he nods in understanding and kisses her before sliding off the bed, sitting on the edge in order to pull his sweats from around his ankles, then standing and crossing the room.

“Goddamnit you’re sexy,” she declares. “It really is unfair. To be that sexy. What a heavy, tragic burden you have to bear. I honestly don’t know how you do it.”

He grins, then pulls open the top drawer of the dresser and removes a condom from the box he keeps stashed away inside. It’s weird; resorting to rubbers when the only person you’re having sex with is your wife. They long ago had to stop worrying about STDs. But with the lingering chance of one day having a fifth and last child and the propensity of things fucking up regardless of what birth control she seemed to use (exactly how Declan managed to make his way into the world), it is what is.

“You want to keep laid on the regular?” she’d said when he’d had the gall to complain about having to buy condoms. “Don’t want to get the snip? Then be quiet and just buy them.”

The thought of not being able to get his rocks off and the idea of a vasectomy had been enough to spur him to action.

“You need a haircut,” she remarks, as he uses his teeth to tear at the foil package.

“You’re really bringing this up right now?”

“You look homeless. Or like a more masculine version of Justin Bieber if he took steroids and grew a beard.”

He gives a derisive snort, then leans down and kisses her before rejoining her on the bed. Settling himself between her thighs, the condom in the palm of his hands. “Please tell me you don’t think of Justin Bieber when we’re fucking. Because if you tell me you do, I may never be able to get it up again.”

“Baby, the way you look and the way you do things? I don’t have to think of anyone else. But seriously…” she shoves his hair away from his face. “Do something about this. I can’t take much more of it.”

“I’ll shave it off. All of it,” he says, and supporting his weight on his fully outstretched arms, leans down to press kisses along her shoulders and collarbone.

“Like hell you will. You shave your whole head and you’re sleeping on the couch for the rest of your natural born life.”

“I know what you want,” he grins against the side of her throat. “You want me to get it done like how it was when we first met.”

“Sexy as fuck,” she declares, and then sighs when his tongue traces the outer edge of her ear. “I think it’s only reasonable. I’ve given you four kids. The least you could do is get a haircut.”

“I do a lot.”

“Yeah? Like what?”

He bites down on the side of her neck and presses his erection against her.

“Okay, you make a very valid point,” she says, and then pulls him down into a sizzling kiss. The kind that makes your toes curl and your insides feel as if they’re on fire.

Those hands are wandering again; over his shoulders and down his arms, travelling over the straining muscles in his biceps and forearms, along the prominent veins. And then her mouth is on his throat; tongue sliding over his Adam’s apple and up onto the bottom of his chin.

“You taste good,” she informs him, and for some reason it drives him wild, and he kisses her savagely. Tongue forcing its way into her mouth before sitting back on his heels and rolling the condom down his erection. Her hands already reaching for him and her legs opening, an invitation to make what he wants. What is his.

He slips into her with one fluid, strong thrust. One hand on the mattress and the other taking hold of one of her; pinning it to the bed above her head, their fingers entwining. His eyes never leaving hers as he makes love to her; slow, languid thrusts that has her mewling in pleasure, her hips rising and falling in rhythm with his. It’s a rarity for them; their thing has always been rough sex. She’d always enjoyed it the most. When he was bossy and domineering and would pull her hair and wrap his fingers around her throat. A kink, he supposed. And he wasn’t about to deny her of it.

But tonight is different. Welcoming. All the worry and the stress of the past two weeks dissolving as they exchange long, slow kisses and their bodies move together.

“Tyler…” his name again, sounding so fucking good to his ears. And she’s looking at him with those huge eyes; pleading, begging. Her fingers tightening around his and her hips rising.

He kisses her. Trailing the tip of his tongue along the roof of her mouth. Then sits back on his heels once again and grabbing a hold her hip, pulls her towards him. The new angle allowing him even deeper and causing her to cry out. With their hands still joined, he places his free hand on her pubic bone and uses his thumb to rub at her clit. Thrusts more determined and aggressive now. Teasing and massaging that swollen bundle of nerves until she comes undone around him. And she grabs a hold of a pillow and places it over her face in order to keep the noise to a minimum.

“You are so beautiful,” he praises, as his hand slides over her stomach and up to her breasts. Squeezing, fondling, fingers pulling and twisting at the nipples.

Those simple actions bring on yet another orgasm. Not as powerful as before, but enough to increase that flutter of twitches and contractions around his cock. Gritting his teeth at the almost painful grip and pushing through those muscles attempting to keep him out. Until he feels the familiar pressure build in the small of his back and he’s coming as well; her name and profanities on his lips as he empties himself into the condom.

For several minutes he stays where he is, chin to his chest, eyes closed, lungs fighting to draw in breath. Waiting until the post orgasmic haze as lifted and his body stops trembling before he inhales deeply, eyes opening as he slowly exhales. Grinning at the sight of her lying there with the pillow still over her face.

“You okay?” he asks, and softly rubs her stomach. “You alive?”

“I think so,” she replies, and he plucks the pillow from her face and tosses it aside. “Goddamn you for being so good at these things,” she sighs, and he leans down to kiss her.

He runs a hand over her hair and presses a kiss to her sweaty brow before climbing off the bed and heading for the en-suite bathroom. Ditching the condom, taking a leak, splashing cold water on his face and the back of his neck. Turning slightly in the mirror and casting a glance over his shoulder; smirking at the bright red and violent looking scratch marks that travel horizontally and vertically.

She’s lying on her side when he returns; already back in the t-shirt that had been discarded some time ago, the covers pulled up to her chin. And he slips into the sweats once again and turns off the bedside lamps before sliding in beside her. On his side, a hand on her hip as he places a kiss on the back of her head.

“I love you,” he says. It’s one rule they’ve always stuck to. Never go to bed, leave the house, or end a phone conversation without those three words.

“I love you too,” she responds, and settles back into him, head tucked under his chin.

Both asleep in minutes.

***

He’s not sure what wakes him. Whether it was the sound of the dog snoring at the end of the bed, the settling of pipes within an old house, or the steady wind that causes the windows to rattle and tree branches to scrape against the siding. But his eyes snap open and he finds himself flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Waiting. Listening. His brain caught in that place between sleep and consciousness; struggling to fully orientate himself with his surroundings.

When his senses finally kick in, they’re good. Shockingly good. Years of training and learning to always be on alert means he no longer has to strain to hear things that normal people either ignore or actually aren’t aware of. He can hear one of the kids rolling around and muttering in their sleep. The gentle hum of the central air. His wife’s gentle and rhythmic breathing. And he’s ready to close his eyes once more and attempt to get back to sleep when he hears it: a rustling noise coming from downstairs, followed by a clatter of something being knocked off its perch.

The dog lifts his head and growls. Ears back. On alert.

“Easy boy,” Tyler says, as he carefully slides out of bed in an effort not to wake his wife. Last year they’d thought they’d had an intruder when in reality a raccoon had gotten into the house through the chimney. If it was indeed nothing, he didn’t want to freak Esme out. “Easy…” he whispers to the dog, holding his palm out: a signal to just stay. He goes to the window first, peeling back the edge of the curtains and peering outside. No vehicles other than their own in the driveway.

He opens the bottom drawer of the nightstand and reaches for the combination lock box. Quickly unlocking it and pulling out the Glock handgun, snapping a magazine in place and switching off the safety. Mac watches him with wide, curious eyes, and he once again signals for him to stay as he heads for the door. Pausing long enough to listen to the noises coming from downstairs before quietly pulling the door open.

“Tyler?” Esme’s voice from behind him. Groggy from sleep. She’s sitting up, rubbing sleep out of her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Just stay here,” he orders. “Don’t make a sound. Stay here and don’t come downstairs until I tell you it’s okay. Got it?”

“What is it? What…?”

“Got it?” he repeats, and she nods.

“Be careful,” she whispers, just as he slips from the room.

****

His footsteps are quiet on the carpeted stairs, gun to his side, adrenaline coursing through his veins. It normally doesn’t happen anymore; the hazards of the job and the rule of ‘expect the unexpected’ long ago engrained into him. But this wasn’t the job. This was personal. This was his home. His wife. His kids. And there was nothing he wouldn’t to do protect them.

He has one foot on the bottom of the landing when he sees it: a dark figure in the hallway between the living room and the formal dinning room, making its way towards the kitchen. And he has the gun drawn and pointed now, a finger on the trailer.

“I don’t know who you are, but you picked the wrong fucking house. You have to three seconds to tell me who you are and what you want before I put a bullet in your brain.”

“No!” a familiar voice cries, and the light in the hallway is switched on. Revealing a confused and very terrified Ovi.

“What the fuck, kid?!” he lowers the weapon, sets the safety. “Like what in the ever-loving fuck?! I almost shot you.”

“I’m sorry!” he cries. “I didn’t mean to scare you! I didn’t…”

“Tyler?” Esme’s voice is at the top of the stairs, sounding equally as scared and nervous as Ovi.

“It’s fine,” he responds, and tucks the gun into the waist band of his sweats. “You almost had to call for the coroner, but it’s fine.”

He hears his footfalls on the stairs, and she flicks on the light in the front hallway, the dog protectively and dutifully at her side. And she frowns as she joins Tyler in the hallway. “Ovi? What…?”

“I almost fucking shot him. This close,” Tyler holds his thumb and forefinger less than a centimeter apart.

“What are you doing?” she addresses the teen. “It’s two thirty in the morning.”

“I lost my keys,” he explains, hands still up, as if surrendering to the police. “I couldn’t get in. So I used the spare key under the mat and thought I’d come in this way to get downstairs.”

“Do you wanna get fucking shot?” Tyler snaps. “Because that is how you get fucking shot.”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to scare anyone. I just locked myself out. That’s all.”

“What were doing out this late anyway?” Esme asks. He’s nineteen and with that age comes extra responsibility on his behalf. He didn’t have a set curfew. But he was expected to act maturely.

Tyler’s eyes narrow “You went to see that girl didn’t you.” It’s more a statement than a question.

“I went to her place. In Butte. I was going to stay the night, but her parents would be there in the morning…”

“Jesus Christ,” Tyler mutters and looks at Esme. “Now she lives with her goddamn parents.”

“Not really with them,” Ovi says. “Just in their house. In an apartment. Like mine.”

“You do realize what could have happened, right?” she inquires. “Of all the houses to sneak into you, you should know that this is the worst possible one to pick.”

“I can do more damage with my bare hands than I can with gun,” Tyler says. “Trust me.”

“I should have called. Or sent a text. To let you know that I lost my key. I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to scare anyone.”

“And I’m sorry I almost shot you,” Tyler says. “You almost didn’t live to see your twentieth birthday, mate.”

“I’m going back to bed,” his wife announces, rubbing his back. “You two figure this shit out because it is way too late to deal with this. Or way too early. I don’t even know anymore.”

“I’ll be up in a bit,” he presses a kiss to her cheek. “After I beat the ever-loving shit out of him.”

Ovi’s eyes widen.

“Whatever,” she yawns. “Do what you have to do. Just don’t wake the kids.”

He watches as she goes, waiting until he hears her climbing the stairs before turning back to Ovi.

“I know you’re mad…” the kid begins, hands out in a plea for calm.

“Mad? No. I’m not mad. Not even close. What I am is about three seconds away from beating you within an inch of your life. What’s wrong with you? You’d think you’d know better. Of all the houses you want to sneak into, you pick this one? What ever told you that was a good idea?”

“I didn’t think I’d wake anyone up. I didn’t mean to be so loud. But I stubbed my toe and tripped over the rug and…”

“I can be fast asleep and hear a mouse sneezing the next county over. Jesus, mate. I hope this girl is worth it. She must be really something if you’re willing to risk a bullet to the head.”

“We just stayed up talking. We didn’t…”

“I don’t care about that. I don’t care what you do when you’re with her. Fuck her, don’t fuck her, it makes no difference to me, mate. Just don’t be coming home telling me I’m going to be a grandfather or some shit like that, okay? Or don’t catch the clap. I’m not sure which is worse. At least the clap goes away. Knocking someone up lasts you a good 18 years of bullshit.”

“She really is amazing. I can’t wait for you all to meet her.”

“Yeah? Well let’s let Nik do her thing and we’ll find out just who this girl is. You’ve got be more careful. Meeting some random girl on the internet, going to her place, sneaking in here. My wife is under this roof, Ovi. My kids. I thought someone was here to hurt them. And I will end anyone and everyone that even thinks about hurting them.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. I didn’t think of that.”

Tyler sighs, pushes a hand through his hair. “I’m going back upstairs and I’m going to kiss my wife and try to calm her down. Go and get some sleep. We’ll go into town tomorrow and get a new lock for your place. Who know the hell knows where you’re keys are and I’m not taking the chance of someone finding them and knowing who they belong to.”

“I’m sorry, Tyler. I’m really sorry.”

“I heard ya. Go. Go and sleep. I’ve got shit to do tomorrow.”

“Like?”

“Shit. A whole bunch of shit. And I need to get a goddamn haircut.”

#tyler rake #tyler rake fan fic #tyler rake smut #extraction #chris hemsworth character #sanctuary

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thestrangerpoet · 3 years

Note

Sorry if this is too personal of a question. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to. What's it like being Autistic?

This isn’t too personal at all! I love being asked questions:) (this might be a long one...)

So Autism is portrayed in many different ways through tv and stereotypes and society. Autism has a spectrum, so like it has different levels of it basically. High functioning Autism, in my personal opinion, is what confuses people the most because they don’t understand that you can be autistic and still be able to live your life and function on a daily basis. I was only recently officially diagnosed, but i was diagnosed with ADHD years ago (they are often confused with each other because they have similar spectrums/the same spectrum).

I’ve had it my entire life, it’s not a new thing just a new diagnoses. I didn’t start talking till I was about 5, I was in and out of many different therapists, I couldn’t really keep or make any friends. Nobody knew what was wrong with me, they just assumed it was results of past abuse and emotional scarring.

It is hard at times, I often wish that I could function normally. I have to wear my airpods everywhere I go because of sensory issues, if I forget them I get severe anxiety and I’ll just freeze and tense and stop talking entirely (idk how to really explain it, but basically without them I can hear everything like chewing, swallowing, clothes moving, fabric rubbing together, dead silence, etc.)

My family gets very annoyed with me, or at least they use to when they didn’t really understand it, because I struggle with making eye contact and I have to have everything a certain way (I have to know the schedules and plans and my room has to be a certain way or I legit want to crawl inside my skin). I also pick at my lips and bite my nails, also known as one of my ‘quirks’ or ‘stress habits’. I often don’t understand social cues or emotions, and I don’t feel empathy. I constantly ask ‘why’ questions because I genuinely don’t understand but I want to make sure I don’t keep offending people so Iask questions to avoid it happening again. I also haven’t ever really had friends because it’s very difficult maintaining them or keeping them, either because of other personal reasons or because it’s hard relating to normies. (another quirk is I will correct people’s grammar at any given chance, but I’m learning to stop doing it so much because sometimes people get annoyed).

Thing is, I don’t tell people that I’m autistic because they don’t want to deal with it. To them it changes everything once they know you’re autistic (just from my experience).

Smell (and texture, texture is a really big thing) is also a big thing, like one time my mom changed detergent and I took all my clothes to my grandmas to wash because I didn’t like the smell and I couldn’t wear them. If I go to someone’s house I have to shower right away and wash the clothes because I’ll smell like them or their house. Same thing if someone comes to my house, I have to spray everything in that room down and wait for it all to air out so it smells like ‘me’ again.

School is a challenge, I have to do night classes at my campus because the lights are dimmer and there are less people/less noise. I tried taking day classes but the lights were too loud and bright, people were too close to me, we weren’t allowed to wear earbuds, etc. I can’t take online classes either because when I’m home I’m not in ‘school’ mode so I get distracted very easily and can’t focus. I have a one track mind, so my mind will get stuck on something and play it on repeat till it gets bored or finds something else. Multitasking is almost impossible because I hyper focus.

Speaking of hyperfixation, I will become obsessed over something and then drop it out of nowhere. You could call it a phase on steroids because it gets intense. A while ago it was Harry Potter and I had to memorize every single spell or I legit felt like a fake fan. I also made butterbeer frappes at work. It was all I would watch for months. After that, it was European culture. I would cook traditional Irish/Scottish/and some British meals every night. I would only listen to Irish music (celtic traditional and mordern).

However...there are many perks to it, just like there is to anything. I notice very small details that other people might not notice, like recently my coworker got a trim and I was the first to say anything about it bc I noticed it was slightly shorter. I hear and smell things that others might not due to hightened sensitivities (that doesn’t sound like a plus but it is depending on the context). Hyperfixation can be a plus too because i have lots of random knowledge (I have also memorized almost every vine) and facts that no one asked for. Telling people that I’m autistic is definitely the best part because they get confused and say something like “Oh, you don’t look/act autistic.” (like I said, people don’t think ‘high functioning’ is a real thing).

If you have any other questions about it, please don’t hesitate to dm me:)

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macgyvermedical · 4 years

Note

Sorry if this has been asked before (this is a quick hit and run before I sleep tonight). I'm looking to write a sickfic, but I want to do something other than the generic cold/flu, but something not so severe it requires hospitalization (probably...), but just some rest and TLC from friends. Any sickness that fits the criteria?

Yeah- lots of them!

Food poisoning- unpleasant, a lot of vomiting and diarrhea potentially, but usually pretty short term (24 hours) and as long as they could keep enough water in them to stay vaguely hydrated, they could stay at home.

Gastroenteritis- longer-term nausea/vomiting/diarrhea. Same as above as far as hydration being the limiting factor.

Pneumonia- some people with pneumonia do end up in the hospital, but a lot of them can get away with an inhaler, steroids, and sometimes antibiotics prescribed outpatient.

Strep throat- again, unpleasant but usually treatable with outpatient antibiotics. This can rarely turn into scarlet fever, which is also treatable outpatient with antibiotics.

Mononucleosis- similar to strep symptom-wise but lasts longer and can’t be treated with antibiotics.

Conjunctivitis- pinkeye, very unpleasant and contagious. May or may not be treatable with antibiotics depending on what pathogen is causing it.

Bronchitis- inflammation of the lung passages that causes coughing and difficulty breathing. May or may not be treated with antibiotics depending on what’s causing it, but can usually be treated outpatient, may require an inhaler or oral steroids.

Ear infection- fluid buildup behind the eardrum that gets infected and creates pressure. Painful, may be accompanied with fever and nausea/dizziness. Can be diagnosed outpatient and treated with antihistamines (to decreased nausea/dizziness) and OTC painkillers.

Migraine- severe headache with additional symptoms such as nausea/vomiting, sensitivity to light and sound, and neurological symptoms like weakness or aura.

There’s definitely more than this but hopefully this starts you out!

#whump reference #writing reference #illness #sickfic #inspiration

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simonshimp19-blog · 4 years

Text

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quicksilverlightning · 4 years

Text

The Interview, Ch. 3

It was a few days before he looked up the web address she had given him, caught up as he was with work at the school. It was a lazy Saturday morning when Toshinori popped open his laptop and typed into the search bar.

He found her blog easily enough and clicked on the link where he was greeted by a familiar photo; himself, grinning, one arm around her shoulders as she lifted the camera with a shyly happy expression. Below, a short caption:

We aren't strangers anymore

along with a post recapping the day:

My first meeting with All Might was something of a disaster; thankfully, I managed to keep myself together for the second time! Having met the man twice now, I feel comfortable saying that he really is as nice as he's always seemed on television.

He clicks on the link in the first paragraph, curious about her take on the day they met. Most of the post is a simple recap for her readers, but the writing is interspersed with thoughts and diversions that offer surprising insights into her personality. It's easy to see why she has something of a following.

He was so kind; just being near him was giving me flashbacks to Kamino - something I still don't feel ready to write about - but he sat with me, letting me work it out of my system. He made me tea. I think it was chamomile.

Huh. So she was in Kamino Ward that night. It does explain a few things about the meeting. Obviously, it wasn't just nerves causing her to act so jumpy. He files the knowledge away for another time.

His hero form is something of a persona he puts on, but it's not exactly a mask - more like an exaggeration. The person is kind and brave and strong, while the hero is all those things taken to the extreme. It's a matter of intensity, not honesty.

That catches his eye, and leaves him a little breathless; he's seen the thinkpieces floating around, comparing his dual identities, but this is the first time someone has so clearly understood.

"Intensity, not honesty," he murmurs the phrase to himself.

I know a lot of the reactions have centered on things like "scarecrow" and "skeleton," but I was put more in mind of a sunflower.

Toshinori guffawed at that - skeleton he was used to, and scarecrow was understandable, but sunflower?

Tall, lanky, yellow hair, sunny disposition - I mean, it fits, right?

Sunflower. The descriptor wasn't one he would have ever thought of, but it did bring a glow to his chest. Yes, he could work with sunflower.

_______________________________________________

Direct message from: Sunflower220 It occurred to me after posting a few comments on your posts that I might need to send you a direct message. I suppose a sudden influx of comments from an anonymous stranger would look rather odd, yes? I don't want my behavior to be interpreted poorly, but your ordinary adventures are every bit as fascinating to me as my hero career must be to you.

It's been a long time since I was a civilian - even now, I occupy a unique place in society. My power is gone, but the fame remains. Seeing the world from the perspective of the people I protected through your posts was an absolute joy. I will, of course, back away if you wish it - I understand that the attention may be overbearing, even unnerving, and I don't wish to cause you any discomfort. Thank you for giving me this glimpse into your world.

Regards,

All Might

P.S. - I was absolutely tickled to be compared to a sunflower! I made it my username - do you like it?

Direct message to: Sunflower220 Thank you for the heads-up, but I don't mind at all! I'm glad you enjoy my ramblings. You've fought to protect us all for such a long time - if I can do anything in return, even this small joy, then that's enough heroism for me.

And I love your screen name! The 220 is for your height, right? It suits you!

Direct message from: Sunflower220 Ah, so you are a fan, to know my height so easily.

Direct message to: Sunflower220 Well, yes. Everyone's a fan of All Might, especially now.

Direct message from: Sunflower220 I must admit, I find myself bemused to still be so highly regarded by the world. I'm flattered that so many people still see me as a hero.

Direct message to: Sunflower220 Why? You are.

_______________________________________________

She cleaned my room while I was gone. Picked up the floor, vacuumed the rug, made the bed. The mess makes her grouchy, twitchy. But my mess and her mess are different creatures; hers are monsters to be conquered; mine are companions to be loved. A perfectly smooth river stone; ticket scraps to each concert; a woven basket crafted in Mexico. My bookshelves overflow and my floor is scuffed and my desk is covered in paint stains and each flaw is a memory and each mess is an experience. My rumpled bedsheets know the curve of my body; my shoes are always ready to walk out the door; the bottom left drawer of my desk gets stuck, and I’m okay with that. It’s fine. It’s secondhand, worn and loved, and does its job faithfully. And when it gets stuck, I only need to pull a little harder.

Comment from Sunflower220 You are so very gifted at capturing the magic in the ordinary; I'm honestly jealous! My desk only gets covered in paperwork.

Ah, thank you! I do have a proper desk for all kinds of paperwork, but this one was for my little art-stuff desk.

_______________________________________________

I had lost count of the stations. Was it seven, or eight coming up? There were no numbers on the platforms. I could feel the train beginning to slow down as the iron girders outside became less of a blur. The train stopped.

I saw him then – that shock of white hair, shining between the shadows of people boarding the train. I stood up, making my way through, trying not to bump into anyone, or their luggage. The newcomers seated themselves quickly, like they knew exactly where they were meant to be. Like they had always been on this car.

The whistle blew suddenly and I jumped, jerking my head to the window. Only Dios was left at the station, and the doors were still at the other end of the car. My stomach lurched – I had to get off, now. I pushed my way past, no longer mindful of tact; it was blocking my way. I jumped over a travel case; I think I may have elbowed someone. Something caught my foot and I fell, grabbing at a train pole to steady myself – my hands slid right down and I landed on my face. My stomach lurched again and I scrambled up, trying to kick off the handbag loop my shoe was caught in. The lady in her seat didn’t even look up from her hands.

I heard the train hissing as the steam began to build. I looked up – Dios had rushed up the platform, right to the door.

“Get off the train!” Another hiss as the pneumatic doors began to close. I kicked off my shoe, tripping again, trying to reach the end of the car, too late. My hands slammed against the window. Dios looked at me briefly from the other side, and disappeared suddenly as the train lurched. I fell for the third time in as many minutes, just catching a glimpse of white hair running to the engine car.

Comment from Sunflower220

Well?! PLEASE tell me there's more to this story. What happens next?!

I don't know! That's as far as my dream got before I woke up!

_______________________________________________

I'm not suggesting that Endeavor can reproduce asexually, but has anyone ever actually seen his wife?

Comment from Sunflower220

I wish I could simply laugh this off, but, unfortunately, I have not.

_______________________________________________

Bit of bronchitis. That's what I get for waiting so long to go to the doctor I guess. Thankfully, it wasn't very advanced and I'm largely out of the woods after two weeks of illness, even if I did cough so hard I made myself vomit today. That was a new experience, let me tell you. I didn't go to bed until 7am this morning, so my sleep schedule is once again shot to hell. I went to eat breakfast, then went to bed. I've got a few days of antibiotics left, and I'm on a steroid I have to take very 12 hours. Still a bit sensitive to light, but I think my headaches are gone.

Comment from Sunflower220

I feel a little silly commenting on a post that's years old now, but this is so relatable to me. Late nights, out-of-sync circadian rhythm, the coughing - believe me, you can vomit up much worse from coughing like that.

You don't have to feel awkward about commenting - I like it! It's like getting a little reminder every now and then. I actually haven't had bronchitis since his post, so that's something to be grateful for ^^ I'll take your word for it about the coughing though.

_______________________________________________

The poetry professor doesn’t look like she’s from Kentucky; she doesn’t look like anyone from below the Mason-Dixon Line with her high heels, patterned stockings and lion’s mane of blonde corkscrews. But sometimes she talks about Momma, chicken wire fences, and bare feet summers and maybe I could see her in scraped-knee jeans instead of pencil skirts.

Throat cancer took his hair, but not his brain, nor his chipper attitude. He strides long, like a black-necked stilt of his native Louisiana, and whistles like a fox sparrow underneath his fedora. His classes lay cuckoo eggs in our ears that hatch into vague feelers of ideas, burrowed somewhere in the unconscious until we collage it with the other wreckages of forgotten memory patterns that sleep in nests made of mirror shards and Christmas lights.

The education professor is a whirlwind of high energy and charisma on his best days. Lately though, his blue, Pilot ballpoint pens are running empty, ink pooling in messy splotches on ungraded essays. The strain of two positions, teacher and administrator, gets to him. His exhaustion makes me tired; to see the vitality being siphoned out of his slender frame by the routine wear and tear that has faded his two-button jackets, frayed his loose shoelaces, and settled, like those last drops of ink, into the hollows under his eyes, until a good night’s sleep bleeds the lakebed dry.

Comment from Sunflower220 Were these were all teachers of yours? The descriptions are so real.

Yes! I butted heads with the poetry professor all the time; I hated her classes, but I had to take them for my degree.

I sympathize with the education professor - I too find myself exhausted after a day of dealing with students.

He's one of my best friends - we're still close, years after I graduated.

That's wonderful! I hope I can say the same thing about my students in the future!

_______________________________________________

What kind of tree is Kamui Woods supposed to be anyway? Oak? Willow? Ash? Cedar? THE WORLD NEEDS ANSWERS!

Comment from Sunflower220

I'm partial to cedar trees myself! That said, I have no idea.

I love cedar trees! They smell divine. But my favorites are willow trees and cypress trees - I love cypress roots.

Is there something special about the roots?

Yes! Cypress trees that grow in swampy areas have these "knee" roots. It's probably easier to look it up than to explain.

I see! It does look rather strange, all the roots poking up through the water.

It's neat though, right? There's a mountain trail I used to hike as a kid that went past loads of cypress trees. We used to balance walking on them, and played in the hollow trunks. Once, I saw a wild snapping turtle on the other side of the bank, so that was pretty cool.

_______________________________________________

There's this thing I do when I stay up late; I get more and more tired the later I stay up, but, if I make it past a certain point, usually about 4AM, I can stay up indefinitely. I say indefinitely because I don't actually know how far I could go - I've never been brave enough to really press it. Anyway, I couldn't sleep Sunday night/Monday morning. Could. Not. Sleep. Around 4:30AM, I realize it's not happening and get up. My legs were bothering me for some reason, so I hit the gym for 20, 30 minutes. Still not tired. Hop in the car for a drive. Still not tired. Keep driving and somehow end up some thirty miles away watching the sun rise at 7AM over the river.

It's about 8AM by the time I leave and not only am I not tired, I'm actually feeling kinda invigorated and excited about life. I suspect I was high on the lucidity of no sleep, but nevertheless. I'm still not tired, so I go to a local cafe for a buttermilk spice muffin and a hot chocolate.

Finally got home around 9 or so and went back to bed because I didn't know what else to do with myself.

Comment from Sunflower220

I've had many a night like this, though it usually had more to do with adrenaline than anything else. I can honestly say that not having to deal with that anymore is one good thing about retiring.

At least you had a reason to be awake; just being up for no good reason sucks. Usually I can manage to get down eventually, but something like this seems to happen to me at least once a year.

It could be worse; there could be nightmares instead.

I've become familiar with that in the last few months.

_______________________________________________

A conversation with my former professor:

"I don't even remember what it was like being 29. I think it was miserable." "It is. Just gonna be miserable for the rest of my days." "It gets better when you're 30. And it gets better again when you're 40. By the time you're 50 - " "Is that what you tell yourself to comfort the blows of old age?" "Yes. I'm comforting myself right now."

Comment from Sunflower220

Is this the same teacher from that one post I commented on?

Yes! The education professor. We try to chat on the phone at least once a week.

You're making me excited about teaching! I want to have a relationship like this with my students one day. They're going to be great heroes.

They have a great hero to learn from.

_______________________________________________

The universe hates me. I sincerely believed it in that moment. It hates me. Only a hateful universe gives you a perfect moment when you’re that miserable.

But maybe it made it up to me later. Halfway home, past Conway, I start getting close to the rain I’ve been expecting and up ahead it’s all stormclouds. The sky is this dark blue grey color and the lightning is this creamy off white shade – you could see it lighting up between the clouds and behind them, undulating back and forth and then bolting in a sudden release of energy like birds startled by a gunshot. The bigger flashes were a purer white with a soft blue tinge. They were the ones that lit up the whole sky.

So I’m home free, crossing the river and halfway across the bridge the rain just stops. It picks up again when I get across, but in that halfway point I’ve got lightning on one side and the last smoky traces of dusk on the other stretching out like a painted desert and I’m the only person on the bridge, watching the world split in two.

Comment from Sunflower220

Have you ever considered writing screenplays? I can see this image in my head like a film reel. It's beautiful and dramatic.

I've always loved finding the place where the rain stops; it's like the world is a little bit thinner there. It's a strange, almost unnerving feeling, but one I've chased in the past.

I think what you may looking for is called liminality, or a liminal space. Places like airports, crossroads, rest stops, hallways - they're bridges to other places, but don't really serve a purpose in and of themselves. Places of transition from one thing to the next.

Historically, the concept of liminality has been used to describe rites of passage, especially the passage from childhood to adulthood. Many cultures have some sort of ceremony the child has to go through before coming out the other side as an adult. But, in the time between starting and finishing the ritual, the person is considered neither child nor adult - they exist in a liminal state until the ritual is complete.

Now that I think about it, you're probably pretty familiar with liminality, aren't you?

_______________________________________________

Direct message from: Sunflower220

Sorry for the radio silence - I didn't mean to drop off so suddenly, and then it turned into a few days.

I've been thinking a lot about what you said. About liminality. You're right - I am very familiar with the concept, though I never had a name for it until now. You wrote once that the difference between my forms was "a matter of intensity, not honesty;" in six words, you captured something I've never been able to explain. You do did it so succinctly, so effortlessly, that it left me a little bit stunned.

I have been All Might for so long; in many ways, I'm re-learning how to live without that intensity. I understand liminality because I've been in a liminal state for going on six years now. To finally have a name for it feels like a relief. More than that though, it's immensely gratifying to feel understood, by what you captured so easily in half a phrase. I'm grateful to you. Thank you.

The day we met, you told me that you didn't want to be someone else that took something from me. But I'd like to give you something all the same:

My name is Toshinori.

#yagi toshinori #All Might #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #fanfic #mha #bnha #the interview #still salty about the lack of line breaks #oc is not an oc

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

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Humans are Space Orcs, “Customer Service.”

Guys, I know I am a little later than usual because I was trying to execute this one well, but I wanted this to be nice and Funny. I suggest reading it because it was fun to write and maybe it will make you smile. :)

Have a great day guys!

The Galactic Assembly members stood in council, hundreds of projected holograms stood at attention as nothing more than smoke and light upon the bridge of the UNSC Harbinger.

Commander Vir stood at attention ramrod straight pristine grey uniform pressed to perfection shoes polished to a shine. He clasped his hands lightly behind his b at shoulder width planted firmly on the ground silhouetted by the starfield towards his front.

“It was spotted on a routine patrol towards the edge of the system.” The Rundi chairwoman began pressing her long tapering fingers together before her chest, “As far as we can tell there was only one, but that doesn't mean more aren’t on the way.”

“What do they want?”” The Finnari councilman began

“The Burg have no lover for the Galactic Assembly.” The commander began, reaching out to grip the railing before him one handed, with the other still held stiff behind his back,

The Drev representative rumbled deep in his chest spear-butt clattering loudly against a metal floor, “And what quarrel do they have with the assembly.”

There was a momentary silence on the bridge.

“Commander.” The Rundi chairwoman prompted.

Commander Vir lifted his chin stepping back to once again place both hands behind his back pacing a few steps this way and that eyebrows slanted in an expression of worry, “I am afraid that would be my fault, General.”

There was a shuffling about the council representatives.

He turned on his heel and came to attention before them, “Our last encounter ended, and honestly begun, on poor terms. It was towards the beginning of my tour, and I was unaware of their particular…. Quirks. Young and naive with an unfortunately uncontained bravado I am afraid I may have offended their leader. He saw it as an insult to his honor, and determined to kill me only after torturing the members of my crew which he had captured.”

Surprise.

“Of course, I wasn’t about to let my crew die for a mistake I had made. As it turns out the enzymes found in human saliva is particularly problematic for their species. The outer slime which lubricates their carapace and keeps their bodies from breaking down is particularly sensitive to the enzymes I mentioned earlier. None of us could have known what was going to happen.” He turned another tight circle “As a precursor for some of you who may not know, spiting at someone in human culture is seen as an act of defiance or an insult. Thinking he was about to kill m crew, I had no particular respect for him. Of course my actions had greater consequence than I originally intended. He was dead within minutes, and the rest of my crew was able to escape.” He trailed off at this point though his expression remained serious.

The Tesraki council member chuckled slightly, “As I recall, they withdrew from negotiations shortly after, and all commerce between our people and there's immediately ceased despite our best efforts. Of course, no one blames the commander, the Burg were breaking intergalactic tretis agreements by implementing the use of force without the approval of the GA.

“Even so.” The Vrul began, “This does not bode well for their sudden reappearance.”

“I have some dealings with the Burg.” There was a short pause as Commander Vir turned to the side, looking on as his guest, an envoy, Lord Celex of the Celzex. The cute, fuzzy little creature with colorful fur, large feet and big eyes, never ceased to make any human in visual distance wish for a cuddle, but the Commander managed to restrain himself.

“Lord Celex?”

The fuzzy little creature rocked slightly on it’s large feet big mournful eyes sharp with anger. Commander Vir tightened his hands behind his back expression still very serious.

“The Burg are a proud race like my own. If they plan on attacking, they will not be dissuaded by diplomacy” his piggy little ears twitched lightly, “Though they can be pushed to make rash decisions using their pride as a point of attack.”

There was a slight slithering noise as the iotin representative coiled her snake like body about her feet, “And what are the chances of a preemptive strike.”

The Rundi councilwoman sighed, “Unfortunately, there is nothing we can do. Our code of laws restricts us.”

“Don’t fire unless fired upon.” the commander muttered under his breath before raising his head, “And can we be sure they plan to attack…..”

The Gibb representative shifted, “I am afraid not. Our scans indicate that the ship is heavily loaded with weapons and an unusual amount of persons. I wouldn't place our safety in hoping that they do NOT plan to attack.”

A chorus of muttered agreement rose about the room, “We should at least attempt contact with them. Commander Vir, I would have you do the talking accept for your….. History…. With the Burg.”

“A wise decision.” The Commander acknowledged adjusting his cap, “Chairwoman, that leaves first contact up to you.”

The chairwoman didn’t look altogether excited over the idea, but adjusted her ceremonial robes, “Hail the burg ship, begin transmission.”

Commander Vir, in accompany with lord Celex turned his attention to an additional hologram that began to materialize at the side of the room. The Burg were everything that the Celzex weren’t at least when it came to looks. Where the Celzex were cute enough to make any human squeal like a five year old with their big eyes pig ears, colorful fur and large feet, the burg were ugly as sin, centipedes on steroids with too many legs, to many antennae and covered in a gelatinous layer of slime. Their coloring ranged from brown to puke green and mustard yellow at the legs.

When they spoke, their language was primarily clicks, hisses, and chattering gurgles made look even less attractive by their segmented mandibles.

“Hail, Burg, please acknowledge, you have entered restricted GA airspace. State your business.”

The uggly creature chartered and gurgled under the sound of the translation, “I have simply come as an envoy to the galactic assembly.”

Commander VIr leaned close to lord Celex quietly whispering, “That is a load of horse shit if i have ever heard of it.” Lord Celex snorted in agreement

“That is quite a collection of weapons for a simply envoy.” The chairwoman offered.

“Can you blame us. We are heading into hostile territory and had no idea of what you might do to us.”

Lord Celex shook his head, “Something is wrong here. The burg do not negotiate or have ENVOYS the words literally do not exist in their vocabulary. Specifically their culture is very insistent on holding onto grudges.. To let a grudge go is seen as the height of dishonor, and in their case it is death before dishonor.”

Commander Vir tapped hsi chin, “So is there no chance they are here to be diplomatic.”

“It would not even cross their minds…. “ Lord Celex continued as the two of them watched the Burg avoid, change, and costrue his words in the most obvious way possible, but just barely veiled enough to make any action by the GA look excessive or even aggressive. After all, what he said was just words.

They couldn’t even reject him from entering the system with his weapons considering other members of the GA were allowed to do the same, most notably the Humans and the Drev whose ships were packed with as much weaponry as was possible and sometimes more than was practical.

“Let me convene with the council before a decision is made, but we will return to you shortly.” The chairwoman switched off the comm and was retransferred back to the rest of the council.

“He is lying.”

“And quite obviously I might add.” pointed out the Tesraki, clearly not very impressed.

“Lord Celex, tell the council what you were telling me.” Commander Vir urged

Lord Celex took the floor doing as told finishing after a moment with, “This is most certainly payback for previous dishonor. While their weapons are not as powerful as the humans. I suspect that they may take such dishonor by leveling an entire city if they have to.”

“Is there now way to restrict them from the system?”

“No, I am afraid not. We only have speculation, and no concrete evidence.” The chairwoman muttered, “Despite how certain we are. There is nothing we can do until they actually give us reason, and that rule may well be putting innocent lives at risk.”

The Bran representative scuttled a little bit in place, “Unless there was a way to make them strike first, out here where they are not a danger to civilians.”

An Iotin representative laughed, “That would require us goading them into attacking without breaking any laws in the process, and all of it on purpose.”

The room was filled with a mirthful laugh, and the entire council looked at the commander who was grinding in that wolfish way that humans had, quite predatory and VERY unnerving. He twisted his hands around cracking his knuckles, “Goading people without breaking any laws.”

He rolled his neck cracking that too, “That just so happens to be my specialty.” The expression he had was a stark contrast to his early seriousness, and the change was almost unnerving.

“You think you can get him to attack you first, without actually breaking the rules of engagement, or the rules of diplomacy.”

The human crossed his arms over his chest, “I can goad him into attacking me without breaking a sweat, ma’am. The key is over politeness, and complete bureaucracy. I guarantee you give me a few hours with this guy and I can crack him, maybe even less.”

The council looked at each other interested, “And when they do attack.”

“My ship could take it, but I would appreciate if someone was around with an energy shield of superior quality. I would rather no one die in this effort.”

“Very well, commander. We give you leave to do as you must, but I must withdraw from the council before I see anything more.”

“Understood, chairwoman.” The human responded before grinning and rubbing his hands together a mischievous smile crossing his face.

Commander Vir sat in the Captain’s chair Lord Celex at his side, “Prepare for audio transmission” he was given the go ahead with a raised hand.

“Start transmission.”

“Chairwoman?”

“Hello, this is Adam from the internal department of intergalactic nuisance. Is this the Burg captain speaking?”

There was a purse on the other line, “Where is the chairwoman.” The voice was clearly annoyed.

Commander Vir threw his legs over one arm of the chair lounging like he owned the entire universe, “Oh yeah, the council.” He kept his voice as informal as possible, “They were super busy and have a bunch of important things to do. Something about methane acquisition and internal sanctions on biological waste disposal. They generally send all the unimportant things to me.” Around the bridge humans had hands covering their mouths while lord Celex was nodding in approval.

There was a chattering growl over the line, “Unimportant!..... Waste disposal! This is outrageous. I came here on a diplomatic mission-”

He was cut off, “Of course you did, very important I am sure.” The human said lying the sweetness on thick, “Very important. We here at the GA department of intergalactic nuisance take the blurg representatives very seriously.”

There was a roar from the other end of the line, “WHAT did you say?”

“I said we take the burger very seriously.”

“THe BURG.” “That's what I said.”

“NO YOU DID NOT.” Humans about the room were openly smiling now. Commander Vir was grinning smugly as he crossed one ankle over the other making himself very comfortable, “Yes, that’s exactly what I said. The bug is an important priority to our department.”

“BURG.”

“It is very hard to hear you when you shout like that, sir.”

The silence that followed was practically brimming with rage, “I demand to speak with a member of the GA. This is outrageous.”

“I am afraid we cannot do that right now, the GA is in session. Something to do with internal budget for the acquisition of branded paper clips, but I might be able to transfer you to the GA higher department of minor diplomatic inconveniences… please hold.”

He motioned to one of his men, and suddenly the other line was cut filled insteady with the tinny notes of easy listening jazz, abominable anywhere outside of elevators. The humans around the room were snickering.

They could still hear the burg though he could not hear them, over the line cursing and demanding to speak with someone though the line continued to play music. They waited for a good half an hour and just as the Burg was about to pick up, the commander made a motion.

“Hello this is Adam from the higher department of minor diplomatic inconvenience.”

“Finally! I demand to speak with the GA.”

Commander Vir dropped the call.

The Burg cursed in outrage and tried calling back. Commander Vir picked up.

“Hello this is Adam from the higher department of-” “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE!.” the Burg shouted, “And I commander of the Burg demand to speak with the GA.”

“I’m sorry, who are you?

“The BURG commander.”

“The Burger?”

They had to turn down the volume to the intercom as the Burg went and lost it. Commander Vir dropped the call for the second time.

He called back.

“Hello, this is Adam from the-”

“I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH THE GA.”

Adam let a pause drag on for a long minute, “I am sorry, who is this?”

“THE BURG COMMANDER.”

“Oh, yes, I am sorry our department doesn’t deal with requests to speak with the GA, I am afraid I will have to transfer you don't to the lower department of under-minor diplomatic inconvenience.” Before the burg could say anything he was, once again, put on hold with the same tinny easy listening jazz poorly projected over the intercom. The Burg was having an absolute conniption on the other end of the line.

They didn’t make him wait as long, but still made him wait.

“Hello, this is Adam from the lower department of under-minor diplomatic inconvenience.”

“Adam, I have already spoken to you.” The Burg growled.

“Who is this.”

“THE BURG COMMANDER.”

Adam shifted in his seat, “Please relax sir, But I assure you I have never spoken with the burger commander….. Is this a prank call?”

“BURG, it’s pronounced BURG. THIS IS NO JOKE. And is EVERYONE in your department named Adam?”

“I am the only Adam in the entire department. I have no idea who you were talking to but it wasn’t me. What are you calling for?”

“I NEED TO SPEAK WITH THE GA.” He was screaming now barely comprehensible.

“Oh I am sorry that is a matter for the internal department of intergalactic nuisance.”

“I JUST SPOKE WITH THEM.”

“Please hold.”

If anything could be said based on what was over the end of the line, something was getting destroyed all to the soundtrack of easy listening jazz elevator music more than two thousand years old but somehow dated another century by being so horrible.

“Hello, this is.”

“ADAM I know.”

“I’m sorry, who? There is no Adam in this department. My name is Mr. Burg.”

“ARE YOU MOCKING ME?”

“I don’t even know who you are, sir please what are you calling for?”

“I am the BURG COMMANDER CALLING TO SPEAK WITH THE GA. I HAVE SAID THIS BEFORE.”

The human tapped his fingers on the chair arm, “Mmmm Mr. Burger, we have no record of your interaction.”

“BURG, it is BURG not BURGER not BUG nog BLURG, but BURG.”

“”I know what my name is sir, no need to get angry. Let’s just take a deep breath and try to relax. What did you say your name was?”

“I AM THE COMMANDER OF THE BURG SHIP, OF THE NATION OF THE BURG, AND I DEMAND TO SPEAK WITH THE GA REPRESENTATIVES ON THIS INSTANT.”

“I am afraid our department doesn’t deal with demands.”

“THEY TOLD ME TO COME HERE.”

The commander hummed tilting his head slightly to the side, “That was likely when you were asking to speak with the GA and now it has turned into a demand, so I am going to have to transfer you to the Lateral Department of mid-major intergalactic diplomatic annoyance.” He went to put the Burg on hold, but he didn’t get that far.

“I WILL NOT BE TRANSFERRED, I WILL NOT BE PUT ON HOLD, LET ME SPEAK TO THE GA OR I WILL BLAST YOUR MINUSCULE STARSHIP INTO A BILLION MOLECULES.” “Was that a treat?”

“YES IT WAS.”

“Begin holographic transmission.”

Commander Vir stood from his seat hands resting behind his back, “Commander of the Burg, I am Commander Adam Vir of the GA / UNSC fleet. And I will have you know that a threat to a GA spaceship in GA restricted airspace is a violation of the interspace tretisand allows me to detain your ship under restriction until such time as the GA decided what to do with you.” “ADAM the creature spat.”

The man was able to maintain a straight face, “Yes?”

“It was you the entire time.”

The human shook his head looking confused, “What do you mean the entire time. The entire time of what.”

“SPeaking with the diplomatic….. Whatever….. IT WAS YOU.”

“We don’t have a diplomatic department of whatever. As far as I know there was no one else in the GA with the same name. You must be mistaken.”

What happened next was almost expected, but not quite. All of the anger pent up in the Burg Commander snapped. He screamed demanding his ship to fire upon the UNSC Harbinger, an action that found immediate response with the Rundi Command ship appearing form cloaking and covering the Harbinger in their their own energy shield. The Burg’s attack bounced off their shields and deflected back into space. The Crew felt nothing more than a slight rumble through the hull of the ship.

“”Tell The GA to deploy grappling field.” The commander ordered pointing towards one of his Comms techs who immediately sent the request.

It wasn’t more than a moment before their ship was grappled,their weapons decommissioned, and the council had reappeared as holograms aboard the ship.

“Less than two hours commander….” Someone said in awe, “How did you break them so quickly.”

The man simply smiled, “Unhelpful customer service is a bitch guaranteed to drive anyone into a rage.”

#humans are insane #humans are space orcs #HUMANS ARE WEIRD #humans are space australians #humans are spaceoddities #earth is a deathworld #Earth is space Ausralia

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vital-signs-stable · 4 years

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Peds pro-tip

Kids are not just “picky eaters.” They are often very sensitive to taste, far more than adults. This can make it difficult for children to take medications; I’ve had particular trouble with oral steroid solutions.

If your hospital policy allows, ask to spend some downtime or orientation shift with the pediatric pharmacist. If possible, taste what the medications you are administering taste like. If the child is school-age or above, be honest about what it will taste like (”some kids who have this don’t like the taste; they say it’s kind of bitter like a lemon. Other kids say it doesn’t taste too bad, like one of those gross jelly beans. You tell me how it tastes to you when we’re done”) and see if you can figure out what they’d like after. Soda or chocolate milk are usually a rare treat, but you can be creative. Having them hold their nose can make a HUGE difference in the bad taste.

(For younger kids, I still say something like, “quick yucky to help fight the owies,” squirt it in the back of their cheek, gently pinch their cheeks forward so they can’t spit, and then immediately distract with high distraction toy or light or treat. This is not fool proof and kids will often spit some of the medicine out. Speak to the doctor or pharmacist when this happens.)

It’s so easy to get angry or frustrated with a child for not taking medication. This is so, so counter-productive. Ask Child Life for a few of there “go to” moves for helping a child in this situation. AVOID at ALL COST forcing a child to swallow medicine; this will only make the next time more difficult and traumatize the child further. Work with the family and pharmacist to discover what works; some pills can be crushed in liquid for example or some IV solutions can be given orally. Some kids can handle an IM injection better than they can oral meds! It’s not their fault! Advocate for them in these situations.

Sometimes straight up bribery will work. There’s a few kids who are highly motivated by a prize so giving them a sticker if they drink the medicine before a timer runs out and then giving a large prize for getting so many stickers can work.

But if a kid straight up takes three hours for one dose, consider alternative options. I had a kid once with osteomylitis, 9 years old, real oral aversion to medications. He took all day to take his dose, bribing him with a new scooter, he went home and bounce back two days later because parents couldn’t get him to take it at home. A PICC line should have just been ordered before he went home when it was that big of a non-compliance issue.

#nurblr #peds nurse for life #peds pro tip

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kuiperblog · 5 years

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Plugged In

Vision and Scarlet Witch drop off the grid and spend a couple of weeks in Scotland, and we see the two kiss. (They're obviously sharing a hotel room as well.) Two other prominent characters kiss and express their undying love. Bruce Banner and Natasha Romanov bat their eyelids at one another.

Here’s a quiz: was the above written by a fawning teenager posting on their MCU fanblog to report on their favorite Marvel moments, or is it an excerpt from a Christian movie review written to warn parents about the potentially lewd and lascivious content in Avengers Infinity War?

“Plugged In” is a movie review/screening site run by the conservative Christian organization Focus on the Family, presumably for the purpose of allowing parents to check to see whether movies have objectionable content before allowing their kids to see them. (For example, the section above, detailing some of the “sexual content” present in Infinity War.)

Captain Marvel spoilers below the fold:

Plugged In’s movie reviews come with detailed content warnings about things like Sexual Content, Violent Content, and Crude Language, along with a “miscellaneous negative content” section to capture anything that doesn’t fit into the above categories but could be a negative influence on kids (e.g. shoplifting or other immoral behavior).

Here’s a sampling of some of the objectionable material noted in their review of Captain Marvel:

It’s important to remember that children are influenced by the media they consume, and coughing up an infinity stone” is not the kind of behavior you would want your son or daughter to try to imitate at the dinner table, I guess?

Here’s some of the “negative elements” present in Captain America: Civil War:

These actually seem to be content warnings in the style of trigger warnings: this comes across much like an admonition of a film for showing characters being denied due process, and more a little, “Heads up, if seeing people denied due process is a particular pain point for you, maybe avoid this one.” Oh, and if you’re sensitive about adoption jokes, you might take issue with the first Avengers ensemble movie:

(Until reading this, I had never even stopped to consider that Thor, in saying “he’s adopted” to try and distance himself from Loki, might actually be making the kind of remark that could be a pain point for adoptees or adoption advocates.)

While content warnings and “negative elements” are a big part of their movie reviews, the site seems equally interested in praising movies for their positive elements:

Vers may be a little uncertain about who she is, but she knows what she is: one of the Kree’s “noble warrior heroes,” and she does her best to live up to the part. She fights the Kree’s enemies with courage, aplomb and a bit of sass. Surely Yon-Rogg would be proud.

But as she learns more about her past, she comes to a better understanding of who and what a hero should be. It’s not all about taking on and taking out the “bad guys.” It's also about saving and protecting the innocent, be they just a handful of refugees or a whole planet of sentient beings. And she learns that it’s not her near-divine superpowers that make her a hero: It’s her frail, sometimes fallible humanity.

We see plenty of flashbacks to Carol’s childhood—flashbacks that focus especially on her failures. She flies off a go-cart track in one such miscue, gets brushed out of a batter’s box in another. Her critics seem legion, telling her repeatedly how weak she is, how she’ll never succeed. But each time, Carol climbs back up and digs back in. It’s not about how many times she falls, but how many times she gets back up.

And here, she always gets back up. That’s a nice message for all of us, I think: Sometimes we imagine that our greatest achievements are, naturally, our successes. It’s easy to forget that we are more shaped by our failures—and that our character is formed in the resiliency we show in the face of them.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, they seem to like Captain America quite a bit, as expressed in this review which I surprisingly found to be as well-written as it is fawning:

By definition, superhero movies are about … heroes. We've seen a bevy of them walk, run, jump and fly through our movie theaters during the last several years, and there's no sign of them stopping.

But we haven't seen a hero like Captain America in a long, long time.

Cap traces his comic book roots to World War II, when he was created to take on Nazis and fight for the American Way. He was always an unapologetically nationalistic figure, and in this new movie he still is. As such, the film is an intentional throwback to a more innocent, more optimistic time, before scandal and cynicism and cable news shout-fests had beaten our national character beyond recognition. This movie recalls the days when Americans—most of them, anyway—truly considered the country a beacon, a city on a hill. And Captain America represents what we've long thought to be what's best about us: Strength. An uncompromising spirit. Bravery, sometimes brash, but polite and self-effacing too.

"You don't give up, do you?" Schmidt groans at Cap during a climactic melee.

"Nope," he says.

How very "American" his response is. Simple. Straightforward. This is a guy who lets his actions speak for him.

Now, we need not say Cap represents an America that, for the most part, only ever lived in its national imagination. We must point out that the film has a few troublesome problems, including its love of wall-to-wall violence and the fact that our main hero is partly the product of (when you really sit and think about it) some potentially problematic chemistry. It's a little weird to cheer for a guy who got strong through scientific alchemy when most of us are warning our kids about the dangers of body- and mind-altering drugs.

And yet there's an inescapable optimism here, a goodness. Captain America tells us that muscles and nifty shields are great and all, but true heroism comes from within. And that it never goes out of style.

Some of the content reviews are quite amusingly detailed and over-the-top in what they consider to be objectionable content, but this review is actually the first place I encountered the idea that Captain America might inadvertently be promoting steroid use, as Steve Rogers goes from scrawny to brawny by getting injected by a miracle drug, rather than engaging in athletic practice or strength training. That’s an interesting and new take I didn’t expect to find while reading a movie review site for Christian parents. Even if he is a stand-up guy, Steve Rogers kind of got to take the easy way out.

Obviously, that’s not the message of the movie, and in fact it’s sort of implied that Steve Rogers does sort of “earn” his powers by being the only one sufficiently “pure of heart” to not be corrupted by power. But it is the kind of thing that, if seen in a certain light, could be viewed as kind of problematic. And I wonder if perhaps Plugged In might be exactly the kind of movie review site that would appeal to the puritans that seem to be so common on tumblr.

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