#anyway i just think it would be funny and possibly poignant to have this situation where leonys has to deal with

[rohirric-hunter]

.

#theres gotta be something great i can do with leonys and lothiriels little 'bring me stories about the hot king of rohan' questline #aside from the obvious the thing is that leonys just has a very awkward relationship with eomer #that tends to happen when the first time you meet someone is them #walking in on the tail end of you stabbing someone in the back 14 times in a row #while crying and screaming #(also i honestly dont think eomer knew anything at all about leonys aside from that #until it came up in the course of dealing with all the stuff theoden didnt get to. #'violated a banishment oh hurray another one of those okay who is it this time? what? her? huh' #'was this before or after the battle at helms deep out of curiosity? no reason no reason' #i mean he doesnt have a problem with it exactly but. well. meltdowns involving knives are never pretty.) #anyway i just think it would be funny and possibly poignant to have this situation where leonys has to deal with #someone else seeing eomer through EXTREMELY different eyes

[shkspr]

hi. on your post where you may or may not have ended on 'moffat is either your angel or your devil' did you have maybe an elaboration on that somewhere that i could possibly hear about. i'm very much a capaldi era stan and i've never tried to defend the matt smith era even though it had delightful moments sometimes so i wonder where that puts me. i'd love to hear your perspective on moffat as a person with your political perspective. -nicole

hi ok sorry i took so long to respond to this but i dont think you know how LOADED this question is for me but i am so happy to elaborate on that for you. first a few grains of salt to flavor your understanding of the whole situation: a. im unfairly biased against moffat bc im a davies stan and a tennant stan; b. i still very much enjoy and appreciate moffat era who for many reasons; and c. i hate moffat on a personal level far more than i could ever hate his work.

the thing is that its all always gonna be a bit mixed up bc i have to say a bunch of seemingly contradictory things in a row. for instance, a few moffat episodes are some of my absolute favorites of the rtd era, AND the show went way downhill when moffat took over, AND the really good episodes he wrote during the rtd era contained the seeds of his destruction.

like i made that post about the empty child/the doctor dances and it holds true for blink and thats about it bc the girl in the fireplace and silence in the library/forest of the dead are good but not nearly on the same level, and despite the fact that i like them at least nominally, they are also great examples of everything i hate about moffat and how he approached dw as a whole.

basically. doctor who is about people. there are many things about moffats tenure as showrunner that i think are a step up from rtd era who! actual gay people, for one! but i think that can likely be attributed mostly to an evolving Society as opposed to something inherent to him and his work, seeing as rtd is literally gay, and the existence of queer characters in moffats work doesnt mean the existence of good queer characters (ill give him bill but thats it!)

i have a few Primary Grievances with moffat and how he ran dw. all of them are things that got better with capaldi, but didnt go away. they are as follows:

moffat projects his own god complex onto the doctor

rtd era who had a doctor with a god complex. you cant ever be the doctor and not have a god complex. the problem with moffats era specifically is that the god complex was constant and unrepentant and was seen as a fundamental personality trait of the doctor rather than a demon he has to fight. he has the Momence where you feel bad for him, the Momence where he shows his humility or whatever and youre reminded that he doesnt want to be the lonely god, but those are just. moments. in a story where the doctor thinks hes the main character. rtd era doctor was aware that he wasnt the main character. he had to be an authority sometimes and he had to be the loner and he had to be sad about it, but he ultimately understood that he was expendable in a narrative sense.

this is how you get lines like “were the thin fat gay married anglican marines, why would we need names as well?” from the same show that gave you the gut punch moment at the end of midnight when they realize that nobody asked the hostess for her name. and on the one hand, thats a small sticking point, but on the other hand, its just one small example of the simple disregard that moffat has for humanity.

incidentally, this is a huge part of why sherlock sucked so bad: moffats main characters are special bc theyre so much bigger and better than all the normal people, and thats his downfall as a showrunner. he thinks that his audience wants fucking sheldon cooper when what they want is people.

like, ok. think of how many fantastic rtd era eps are based in the scenario “what if the doctor wasnt there? what if he was just out of commission for a bit?” and how those eps are the heart of the show!! bc theyre about people being people!! the thing is that all of the rtd era companions would have died for the doctor but he understood and the story understood that it wasnt about him.

this is like. nine sending rose home to save her life and sacrifice his own vs clara literally metaphysically entwining her existence w the doctor. ten also sending rose with her family to save her life vs river being raised from infancy to be obsessed w the doctor and then falling in love w him. martha leaving bc she values herself enough to make that decision vs amy being treated like a piece of meat.

and this is simultaneously a great callback to when i said that moffats episodes during the rtd era sometimes had the same problems as his show running (bc girl in the fireplace reeks of this), and a great segue into the next grievance.

moffat hates women

he hates women so fucking much. g-d, does steven moffat ever hate women. holy shit, he hates women. especially normal human women who prioritize their normal human lives on an equal or higher level than the doctor. moffat hated rose bc she wasnt special by his standards. the empty child/the doctor dances is the nicest he ever treated her, and she really didnt do much in those eps beyond a fuck ton of flirting.

girl in the fireplace is another shining example of this. youve got rose (who once again has another man to keep her busy, bc moffat doesnt think shes good enough for the doctor) sidelined for no reason only to be saved by the doctor at the last second or whatever. and then youve got reinette, who is pretty and powerful and special!

its just. moffat thinks that the doctor is as shallow and selfish as he is. thats why he thinks the doctor would stay in one place with reinette and not with rose. bc moffat is shallow and sees himself in the doctor and doesnt think he should have to settle for someone boring and normal.

not to mention rose met the doctor as an adult and chose to stay with him whereas reinette is. hm. introduced to the doctor as a child and grows up obsessed with him.

does that sound familiar? it should! bc it is also true of amy and river. and all of them are treated as viable romantic pairings. bc the only women who deserve the doctor are the ones whose entire existence revolves around him. which includes clara as well.

genuinely i think that at least on some level, not even necessarily consciously, that bill was a lesbian in part bc capaldi was too old to appeal to mainstream shippers. like twelve/clara is still a thing but not as universally appealing as eleven/clara but i am just spitballing. but i think they weighed the pros and cons of appealing to the woke crowd over the het shippers and found that gay companion was more profitable. anyway the point is to segue into the next point, which is that moffat hates permanent consequences.

moffat hates permanent consequences

steven moffat does not know how to kill a character. honestly it feels like hes doing it on purpose after a certain point, like he knows he has this habit and hes trying to riff on it to meme his own shit, but it doesnt work. it isnt funny and it isnt harmless, its bad writing.

the end of the doctor dances is so poignant and so meaningful and so fucking good bc its just this once! everybody lives, just this once! and then he does p much the same thing in forest of the dead - this one i could forgive, bc i do think that preserving those peoples consciousnesses did something for the doctor as a character, it wasnt completely meaningless. but everything after that kinda was.

rory died so many times its like. get a hobby lol. amy died at least once iirc but it was all a dream or something. clara died and was erased from the doctors memory. river was in prison and also died. bill? died. all of them sugarcoated or undone or ignored by the narrative to the point of having effectively no impact on the story. the point of a major character death is that its supposed to have a point. and you could argue that a piece of art could be making a point with a pointless death, ie. to put perspective on it and remind you that bad shit just happens, but with moffat the underlying message is always “i can do whatever i want, nothing is permanent or has lasting impact ever.”

basically, with moffat, tragedy exists to be undone. and this was a really brilliant, really wonderful thing in the doctor dances specifically bc it was the doctor clearly having seen his fair share of tragedy that couldnt be helped, now looking on his One Win with pride and delight bc he doesnt get wins like this! and then moffat proceeded to give him the same win over and over and over and over. nobody is ever dead. nobody is ever unable to be saved. and if they are, really truly dead and/or gone, then thats okay bc moffat has decided that [insert mitigating factor here]*

*the mitigating factor is usually some sort of computerized database of souls.

i can hear the moffat stans falling over themselves to remind me that amy and rory definitely died, and they did - after a long and happy life together, they died of old age. i dont consider that a character death any more than any other character choosing to permanently leave the tardis.

and its not just character deaths either, its like, everything. the destruction of gallifrey? never mind lol! character development? scrapped! the same episode four times? lets give it a fifth try and hope nobody notices. bc he doesnt know how to not make the doctor either an omnipotent savior or a self-pitying failure.

it is in nature of doctor who, i believe, for the doctor to win most of the time. like, it wouldnt be a very good show if he didnt win most of the time. but it also wouldnt be a very good show if he won all of the time. my point is that moffats doctor wins too often, and when he doesnt win, it feels empty and hollow rather than genuinely humbling, and you know hes not gonna grow from it pretty much at all.

so like. again, i like all of doctor who i enjoy all of it very much. i just think that steven moffat is a bad show runner and a decent writer at times. and it is frustrating. and im not here to convince or convert anyone im just living my truth. thank you for listening.

#sorry if this is repetitive or makes no sense or if i got some details of the show wrong #i simply couldnt be bothered to put too much effort into this post #lest it become a research paper and take me several weeks to answer #anyway thats all my opinions #dw #ok to rb

[oftenderweapons]

hello 👀 first of all i love your writing. second of all idk if you saw joon’s make up artist reaching up to him to fix his makeup on set but i could think about vixen bc we all know how volatile and jealous she may get.... so may i suggest a joon x vixen jealous sex drabble??? thank u!!!

Hello, dear reader. Thank you soooo much for the compliments. I couldn’t help but deliver, it literally wrote itself. There you go 💜✨

title: yours, truly

pairing: namjoon x reader (nicknamed Vixen)

wordcount: 2.7k

genre: smut, fluff, established relationship

rating: 18+, minors do not interact

synopsis: Vixen doesn't appreciate the imbalance between her belonging to Namjoon and his belonging to her, and although she understands the limits due to his job, at the same time she's uncomfortable about the way she feels. However, Namjoon is eager to reassure her.

trigger warnings: argument on jealousy and double standards. There is one very specific passage where Namjoon imposes himself physically on Vixen, grabbing her and pinning her while she's trying to get away from him. If this triggers you, please do not read further. On to sexual topics: mention of cunnilingus, masturbation (male and female receiving), unprotected sex (BE SMART!!!!!!), marking, power struggle, several occurrences of pinning and top-bottom shifts.

a/n: Hello people, here's the first of several drabbles I've been working on. Please, stay tuned cause HOPEFULLY Jimin and Princess should be next 💖

Here's my masterlist enjoy 💜✨

⁂ ⁕ ⁂ ⁕ ⁂ ⁕ ⁂ ⁕ ⁂ ⁕ ⁂ ⁕ ⁂

You stormed into the apartment, Namjoon hot on your heels.

“Vixen,” he called, watching you take off your shoes with a frown on your face. “Babylove.”

You lifted a finger, inviting him to keep quiet before you stood and headed to your room.

“Vixen?” he called, once more. He knew what had happened, and he knew you didn't mean to act like that. He knew you didn't like feeling jealous or possessive, but the footage of him wrapping an arm around his makeup artist — even if it was just to keep her from falling — had unsettled you more than you wanted to admit.

There were women who dried his sweat and helped him change his clothes and saw him half naked regularly, and they were out there doing so publicly, while you didn't even own a picture of him kissing you. After being together for six months. After him asking you to be his wife.

To anyone except his friends and family, you were nothing but a stranger to him.

“Vixen?”

You were his. Always. All the time. You wore his clothes and had his marks on you from Monday to Sunday, twenty-four seven, uninterruptedly ever since he'd first told you he loves you — with an unintended pause because of the tour.

But what about him? Did he even belong to you?

He called your name shyly, fearsomely. “Look at me, please.”

“I'm going to take a bath,” you announced dryly.

“I'm coming with you,” he replied, already taking off his clothes.

“I want to be alone.”

He inhaled and did the crudest, most animalistic thing he could think of. He grabbed your waist and made you face him. “Vixen. Look at me.”

You shook your head and tutted.

“Say 'no' and I'll let you go,” he said, his voice booming like thunder.

You stayed silent.

“Look at me,” he repeated, an arm around your waist, his free one coming up so he could grip your chin and force your eyes to meet his. “Like this.”

“I hate this!” you spat, looking away right before he forced you to meet his eyes again. “It's not fair!” You snarled before angrily pushing the heel of your foot against his toes.

He hissed and let you go, only to catch you once more half a second later, pinning you against the wall. “Talk to me.”

Your brow furrowed, your eyes like a dark storm, you looked at the floor as you admitted, “I have no right to feel jealous. And I hate it. It’s not fair.”

Namjoon hugged you to him, kissing your head as you pressed your forehead to his chest.

“I’m so sorry, I just… hate that you make me feel like this. It’s not you, it’s how I feel about what you do. That is, the position you’re in.” You bit your lip nervously, gripping his shirt in your fists.

Namjoon didn’t quite understand what you meant by that, but reversing the situation gave him a quite poignant point of view. The idea of you being chaperoned by other men at all time, of you being in his shoes, with people drooling over you at all times, being backstage and having no privacy with or without your clothes on, people imagining you as their partner, as their hot one night stand, as their one true love.

The thought of having to share you the same way you had to share him all the time made a shiver run down his spine. He knew he would never be able to tolerate all the things you went through for him without batting an eye. “I’m so sorry, love.” He ran his hands to the back of your thighs lowering himself to pick you up, your arms latching behind his neck as he did so. “I’m so, so sorry, little fox,” he repeated, his voice so deep and soothing.

“I’m okay, it’s just that…”

He kissed your cheek as he sat on the bed, placing you on top of him, straddling his hips. “You’re not okay, and that’s alright.” He waited for you to oppose as he let his lips linger one millimeter from yours.

Shyly, almost as if reluctantly, you pressed your mouth to his, feeling his hand on your nape, tangling in your hair, the other one pressed to the small of your back. “Take off your clothes, please,” you whispered in between kisses. Unquestioningly, he took off his undershirt, your body still on top of his while you undid the buttons of your blouse — actually, only a couple of them before you slipped it off from over your head. Namjoon’s hands went around your waist, lifting the lace and satin top you were wearing underneath, pressing his nose to your sternum once your torso was so enticingly naked, your body rising to your knees so he could reach your breastbone more comfortably, your arms hugging his head.

“You’re so precious, my babylove. So strong,” he murmured, “You’re so understanding and I’m so glad when you open up to me.” He inhaled you as he confessed some more of his worries, “I always fear that someday it will feel too much and you’ll leave.”

You shook your head, squishing his face in your palms before standing before him, taking off your jeans lightning-fast, watching him quickly remove his slacks and underwear in one go.

“Come claim it, babe,” he growled, extending his hands to you, making a come-hither motion.

You wiggled out of your panties and smiled sweetly, joining him, sitting on his lap and batting your eyelashes with a cute pout, Namjoon shaking his head at you with a knowing grin. And at that, you placed your hands on his shoulders and pushed him down. “You really thought?”

He licked his lips and rolled his eyes. “I, at least, hoped.” His hands landed on your ass before you could grab his wrists and pin them above his head while you made your way up, your naked fold glistening with wetness already in the unforgivingly bright light of your bedroom.

You knew he had a thing for keeping the lights on anyways.

“Come on, sit,” he said, his arms fighting you only playfully as he ached to grab your ass and make you ride his face.

“No.” Your reply was lapidary as your free hand began to tease the skin around your sex — not yet your folds, nor your clit,

“Vixen.” Your name sounded like a warning.

“Maybe you’ll learn I can do without you.”

“Enough,” he growled before his arms escaped your weak excuse of a grip, his jaw locked and his eyes stern in what would be nothing but his hard dom look. “You think you’re funny?”

The way he pushed you with your back to the mattress, your arms trying to save you from losing your balance, made your heartbeat flutter.

“You think I don’t know that already? You think that doesn’t scare me to the bone?” He hissed as he laid on top of you, holding back his weight only slightly. “We know who can do without who here,” he said, his eyes so tormented you wanted to comfort him. “I’m half a soul without you.”

You wrapped your legs around him, rubbing your pelvis against his hardening cock. “Stay with me, then. Remind me.” You placed your lips against his neck, licking up the curve of his throat before bringing your lips to his ear. “Are you mine, Joonie?”

His eyes rolled shut, his head moving in a nodding motion. “I only want to be yours. All the time. I wish we could be naked and alone every single second.”

You giggled and moved your hand between your bodies. “Can I stretch a little? I need you inside.”

“Do you want me to do that?” He asked, right before you shook your head. “Fuck, ____, you're fucking perfect,” he murmured, kissing down your body, licking your nipple, sucking it briefly. “I'm so in love.”

“Do you remember what I told you that night?” you asked him, purring as you pushed two fingers inside you.

“That you're gonna be my wife, someday?”

You chuckled and nodded. Sometimes it felt unreal that he had proposed to you. Already.

And that the ring around your right fourth finger was not your family ring.

“I told you I'm dedicating my life to you. That I want to live by your side for as long as we can. That I believe in you.”

He found solace in the crook of your neck, his lips searching for your collarbone before his teeth nibbled at it gently. “Don't stop. Ever.”

A third finger entered your hole, stretching your inner walls until you were comfortable. Still, you were too impatient to wait any longer, grabbing his cock and placing its tip against your folds. “I won't,” you promised, a loud gasp leaving your mouth as he sank in. “Fuck, too big.”

Namjoon backtracked as quickly as possible, but your hands stopped him just in time. “No, no, stay inside, please. I can get used to it.” Your nails sunk into his ass. “Don't go. Please.”

Namjoon inhaled, trying to keep his cool as much as possible. “I should have prepped you.” He groaned and pressed your face into his neck. “Hold tight, love. I need to shift just a little.”

You loved when he pampered you like that, when he treated you like his delicate porcelain doll. With a loud exhale, he fixed his position until he could rest more easily and resist your tight squeezes as you adjusted to him filling you to the brim. In maybe a minute, you shifted your hips, whispering, “Okay, move, please.”

“That's my good girl,” he replied, smiling at you before giving one slow, smooth stroke that made you purr and throw your head back, his tongue drawing the arch of your throat. “My jealous little thing, mh? You're so adorable.” He gave another deep, slow thrust, watching you writhe below him, legs shaking as they tensed up in pleasure. And then again, pulling out and pushing in making your toes curl, your entire mind malfunctioning into bliss.

“I love it when you're jealous,” he taunted you. “Makes me feel so wanted.” He drew the shell of your ear with his lips, your body drowning in sensations, too small to handle all he had to offer. “Almost as sexy and as desirable as you are. My little fox.”

“Joonie…” you almost sobbed, clawing at his shoulders before remembering you must absolutely not, throwing your hands off him and tugging at the sheets.

Namjoon nuzzled his nose against the side of your face. “Scratch, mark, bite. I don't care. I'm yours, Vixen.”

You whimpered and forced yourself not to. Maybe you just wanted to see who would cave first, maybe you were still feeling too petty about all the times you had been denied.

“Do it. I know you want it,” he tempted you. “Take what you want, little fox.”

You shook your head and brought yourself not only to pin your hands in place, but also turn your face away.

Namjoon rammed into you aggressively at your act of defiance, causing you to gasp and flinch. “Claim me. Do it, ____. I belong to you. Won't you acknowledge that?”

Lips sealed, eyes closed, you fought him, knowing you were absolutely hopeless the moment he pulled you on top of him. “See. This is what you do to me. Look at me. Look at the mess I become for you. For you, alone. No one else in the whole world, Vixen. Only you.” He led his hand on your belly, rubbing at your clit with his thumb, letting you grind on him with your own pace. He only wanted to make you feel good. “Vixen, please, baby. Look at me.

Slowly, you opened your eyes, your hands on his pectorals, your hips moving on him so naturally, so comfortably. He looked beautiful. Grandiose. Magnificent.

He looked like the only man you would ever look at. You knew there was no way you would look at anyone else if he was in the room.

“What are you thinking about?” He asked fondly, placing his hand atop of yours, lacing your fingers together.

“That you're the only one for me. That I need something of you that belongs to me alone.”

He shifted your hands slightly, his engulfing your own on top of his beating heart. “Here. Yours. All yours. Take it.”

You started going faster, needing for the messy ordeal to come to an end so you could sleep the afternoon away wrapped up in his arms.

With quick swivels of your hips, you changed your angle, making sure that he rubbed against your sweet spot, deep inside you.

“Guess what else is yours?” he teased, looking down, keeping his finger steady against your sensitive nub.

“Your exceedingly large dick?” you suggested with a gleam in your voice, sending the both of you into a tumble of laughs.

“Exactly,” he replied playfully. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” you replied quickly, feeling your high spiral out of control. “Cumming.”

“Let go,” he reassured you, catching you with his arm once your body collapsed, his thumb still teasing you while he started thrusting from below, making sure that your orgasm peaked and extinguished in pleasure before he finally climaxed, knowing all too well that your final squeezes would trigger his own ecstasy.

“Doesn't it feel good to cum on your favourite dick, mh?”

“My one and only,” you stated openly, watching him get increasingly worked up. “Show me who you belong to, Joon. You say you're mine? Then cum inside me.”

He shut his eyes tight. “Come on. Gimme all you've got,” you taunted him.

He grit his teeth and shook his head. He needed better leverage to go harder.

You understood that immediately. “Wanna get on top?”

He was conflicted, but in the end you found yourself with your back once more to the mattress, his cock pushing inside you so hard and fast that you were ready to start all over again if it weren't for the numbing sleepiness pulling at your mind.

“I'm yours,” he gritted out, in between strokes, like a mantra. “Get it into your pretty head that I'm yours. That I only want you. For the rest of my life,” he breathed out the final part. “I'm gonna—” and with a wildly erotic growl you felt him swell inside you before his release flowed into you, his body too sensitive to handle the high for too long.

Once he was done, there was nothing but spent, panting bodies, your hand in his hair as you helped him calm down.

“Are you feeling better, little fox?” he asked, taking your joined hands and bringing your knuckles to his lips. “If we swapped roles for a day, you the idol and I the normal person, I don't think I would be able to face it like you do.”

With your eyes closed, you waited for him to pull the two of you on your sides, your head on his chest, legs tangled together as he rubbed his feet against yours lazily and lasciviously.

“I know you don't like feeling jealous and I'm sorry that I made you feel that. You always say it's part of my job and you're understanding, but we both know it's hard to stop these emotions from happening.”

You nodded, inhaling his scent, so deeply mixed with yours. “It's worth it though. Because of the man you are, and what you mean to me.”

He kissed your head.

“I need to clean up. I want to sleep with you.”

He nodded. You were both more than happy to cancel the date and just sleep in, wrapped up in light sheets on the late September day.

Once washed and ready for sleep, Namjoon found your perfect position, your right hand in his left one as he toyed with your ring, pushing it around. Even though he had proposed, he knew the wait would be long. Still, he tried. “How much time left?” he asked, the question a cliché between the two of you by now. You always knew what it meant to him.

“A while,” you replied — your usual answer.

He nodded and pulled you closer. “Sleep tight, baby fox.”

“Sleep tight, big bear.”

#namjoon smut #namjoon fluff #namjoon x reader #namjoon drabble #kim namjoon fanfiction #namjoon x yn #namjoon x vixen #thebtswritersclub #houseofddaeng #thetruthuntoldnet #52hertz #bangtansorciere

[thedeviljudges]

yohan + physical tough + trauma response

disclaimer: this is based off of eps 1-7, and preview of ep 8; i wholeheartedly recognize that this post may become the worst meta ever depending on how the rest of the show goes. however, i do think there are still some interesting things to note about yohan. a lot of this is also me just talking shit out as i was sifting through all the eps again. i’m more than willing to change my mind or hear other thoughts.

also i kinda, sorta, unnecessarily included all of the moments of yohan and any physicality. a lot of them are not super important, but i do think they help draw a distinction in how he reactions when surprised, alone and around other people.

so, here’s a long ass post that is literally 99% me bullshitting, lmao.

so i wanted to delve more into yohan’s response to physical touch by way of trauma. while i know a lot of us have pieced it together, i think it’s pretty cool to lay it all out visually because i think there’s much more justification for his reactions; not to say it makes it right, but it does really flesh out a fundamental part of his characterization that i think is highly, highly important to understand.

yohan lives on the cusp for reckless behavior, almost as if he doesn’t care whether he lives or dies. the car chase, running through industrial buildings where safety isn’t a concern, etc.

episode one

the first time we see an instance of his disinterest in physical touch is when he first meets gaon. he actually offers him his hand, but the way he goes about it isn’t a handshake. he almost looks hesitant, and then he squeezes and does not shake. it’s truly a split second gesture out of formalities. granted, he’s just met someone he thinks looks like isaac, and might be in a little bit of… not shock, but certainly distracted.

later in the episode, yohan is in an abandoned building with homeless people. he’s checking people’s wrist, but he’s quick about leaving them alone. until, a homeless man comes up behind him and grabs him. in response, yohan swings his arm to knock him off. then, he punches him, steps on him and decides whether he’s worth the effort. again, granted, no one likes to be surprised in a creepy situation like this, so his response? kinda understandable at this point.

next is the scene where yohan catches gaon in his office, where he pushes him against the bookshelf and kinda, more or less, comes off as a bit luring. we know yohan knows gaon’s lying, but a couple of things here. yohan initiated the physical contact, and he did it because of the suspicious nature of gaon. yohan also knows how to use his power and charms to catch people off guard, and i think really, he was messing with gaon when he brushed his shirt and asked him if he lived alone. gay as fuck, lmao, but i also see it as an intimidation tactic, in a way.

i could also pose a couple of theories aside from intimidation if we wanted to squint:

yohan is still in a state of awe of gaon’s resemblance to isaac. he’s not heard his voice or been around the other man for at least 10 years, and now there’s tangibility at his fingertips.

if we want to look at it from the gay perspective, gaon is clearly intriguing to yohan, and as i’ll note further down in this post about yohan in relation to physical touch, i’m sure it could be assumed that this is one of the first people in a long time that yohan has an interest in making a connection with. however, because of his upbringing, it’s clear he does’t necessarily know how to connect with people (ie. ep 7 trying to connect with elijah, eps 1-6 with him trying to non-verbally tell gaon that he has bigger plans than what’s in front of his face. his admission in ep 5 about being monster). more or less, he knows his charms can be used, but when it comes to actually flirting and/or liking someone? it’s left to be addressed, but could be assumed he’s just as awkward about it as when we see him at home.

we also see a small instance of him letting someone dress him. there’s still touch involved, but it’s very clear what the intention is. he has control over the situation, and it’s not a surprise.

the next time he engages in physical touche, again, he initiates it because he’s in control, and it’s meant to be comforting, to an extent.

and then to round everything off, we actually see him reaching for isaac, who is actually gaon in the court scene, but you know storytelling and all that. he reaches for him both in the courtroom and within a flashback.

him reaching out for isaac seems to be a motif within the show as it happens later on, of which i’ll point out.

episode two

we see him initiate a handshake again. at first, to gaon, and then with jinjoo. controlled situation.

later on in the episode is when we see our first glimpses of batshit crazy yohan, an absolute delight and fav, lmao. he actually reaches out to the spoiled kid, and it’s clearly to legitimize intimidation and a position of power.

okay look, i’m not even gonna front, this was a cute scene. when jinjoo gets out of the car, he checks to make sure she’s okay, and they have this moment before they go onto the red carpet where they smile at each other. yohan is confirming she’s okay, and she agrees. again, controlled, and i don’t know for certain if yohan is more comfortable around women, or it’s just mere fact that he doesn’t always have a problem with touch when the situation is safe. he actually lets her take his arm further on in the scene, and yes, it is a public display of niceties, and he knows that.

so in the midst of this happening, we get the ‘devil child’ story. and i want to make note of the bird scene because i do think it’s important to note that people yohan cares for, he’s willing to go to the ends of the earth to protect them. yes, they’re children in school, but the girl next to him is the only one who showed him an ounce of kindness, and yohan is proven to remain loyal to those he loves or trusts in some capacity.

of course, he ends up pitting the rich and the poor kids against one another for their betrayal and making him an outcast. in yohan’s mind, what he did wasn’t necessarily wrong because his sense of justice is based on protection and when people wrong him or those he loves, it’s seeking justice on their behalf or making the situation better - not in the technically right way, but right to him. yohan comes across as a fixer and problem solver.

yohan has a very, very strong sense of trust and loyalty, and we can assume that stems from isaac, who clearly tried to protect yohan from his father, who went out of his way to do so as best as he could as a young kid. yohan values loyalty not because he necessarily wants lap dogs and people to do his bidding. it comes from a place of love and security he’s never really had.

anyway, back to the gala with jinjoo, he does shake the minister’s hand. again, controlled. there are cameras. he also puts his arm around her, and that’s mainly because it’s a battle of the wills, and she’s trying to reprimand him, lol, as if she could. he hugs her a little hard and a little enthusiastically, and you can clearly tell it’s for show.

and then he dances with both jinjoo and sunah. and there is a stark difference between these two scenes. yohan actually teaches jinjoo the proper placement for where she should rest her hands and how to move. he’s actually having a good time with her, and again, it’s actually really cute.

with sunah, he’s reluctant and definitely on guard. he can tell from her demeanor that her intent is with purpose trying to get close to him. at this point in the story, he probably sees it as sunah coming onto him and not because she’s actually the maid from when they were children. when sunah reaches up to whisper in his ear, you can really tell he doesn’t like her being that close to him at all especially because her words may not be overly threatening, but there is purpose behind them, which means yohan’s guards are up. he physically removes her hand and than blatantly turns her down: she tells him that enjoying things alone isn’t fun, and he counters it by saying he’s having a lot of fun.

so at this point to reduce on some screen caps, he meets the minister’s family, has handshakes with her husband and the kid he went after to essentially beat up his car with a mallet, lmao. the handshake is quite funny because they both know what happened. yohan is in control, and that kid is shaking in his boots.

then the explosion happens, and of course, it makes sense that yohan helps gaon after he’s hurt. gaon has never been a threat to yohan, and it’s clear yohan’s not heartless whatsoever, but it’s also poignant to note that gaon helped saved yohan’s life, thus starting yohan’s journey of loyalty to gaon. i think he’s always had his sight set on gaon to begin with, possibly long before he even became an associate judge, but if this was a test, gaon passed it with flying colors because if gaon can rescue a little girl, and he can help an old man who fell off his bike, would he really go the lengths to save yohan who has shown him time and time again his sense of justice is different?

episode three

yohan reacts negatively to soohyun and within good reason when she questions where gaon is. he turns away because for him, the conversation is over, but for her, it’s not. to get his attention, she grabs him when he’s not paying attention, and of course he has a very adverse reaction. at this point, it can be chalked up to disrespect given the fact that he’s a head judge and she’s just a mere cop, but hindsight is 20/20. he does throw her arm off by flicking out his arm. but instead of berating her, he just tells her to catch the culprits who harmed gaon and leaves it at that.

and then of course, everyone’s favorite scene and rightfully so. yohan caring for gaon? very sexy of him. gaon is injured, poses no threat, and as i said above about yohan finding some amount of loyalty in gaon means his physical boundaries aren’t jeopardized. and for that, we get these wonderful scenes of yohan helping gaon as he heals.

and then scenes of him messing around with gaon by hitting him. truth be told, i wonder if this was something him and isaac did as young kids. anyone with siblings know how that goes. fake picking on each other? fake bickering? yeah.

and then it slowly, but surely, it’s revealed that yohan didn’t have the same upbringing as isaac did. our first instance that something at home wasn’t right wasn’t just the conversation with ms. ji and gaon. it’s the flashback with yohan reading in his room when the door opens. he hastily pretends he’s asleep, and you can see he’s visibly shaking and breathing roughly until he realizes it’s isaac who’s there to give him books.

and that’s also when we get our first glance of what kind of abuse yohan suffered from at the hands of his father. it’s clear this isn’t the only incident, and there’s been many times that isaac wasn’t around to help defend him.

it’s also very clear in how yohan acts when he’s terrified and that his abuse has gone on long enough to be a routine pattern in the house. any time he hears heavy footsteps or thinks his father is around, he visibly shakes and gets panicky.

episode four

i include this scene because it’s been noted that a lot of books yohan reads are about humans, human nature, animals, animalistic tendencies, and he says random shit like this that directly points to what he thinks about humanity and humans themselves. we notice this most prominently at the dinner with gaon and jinjoo earlier on when he describes that he likes the feel of the chew and that he cannot taste. he always mentions hunting and prey, and i think this is one of those very clear instances where he actually reveals to gaon what he truly, truly thinks; no gimmicks. this also comes into play later on in ep 6 when elijah is worried about him being out all night. yohan clearly doesn’t trust people at all. he understands their intentions, their motives and how much pain they can cause other people for their own profit and their own gain. it makes sense that he wouldn’t leave his house, especially if he has a strong sense of loyalty to isaac (even after all these years) and caring for elijah.

this is also one of the very direct moments that yohan doesn’t understand family dynamics. when it comes to people, it’s a giant chess game. not only that, later on in the episode when they’re in the car and yohan talks about how people, no matter what, are always the same in front of greed, yohan is cynical, and he expects the bad every single time.

what he reads and the way he words things (here and the discussion of him being a monster, for example) is clearly an indication that he doesn’t trust; that he cannot trust, nor does he want to at this point. yohan doesn’t understand the concept of kindness being given freely (ep 7 when he berates elijah for being used by gaon, telling her she falls for kindness every time). and yet, later on in eps, it’s clear when he’s around the right people and the right mindset (uh, gaon?? lol), he’s constantly putting up a front.

after all in ep 7 when he tells gaon that confidence is key, it literally gives him away not just in the courtroom but in his personal life. there’s a reason he looks softer at home than when he’s not there (the hairstyle changes and clothing).

basically what i’m getting at is this behavior can be seen as a defense mechanism because of his abuse.

then it’s another gala event with gaon and yohan this time. another lovely favorite where yohan helps him get dressed and then proceeds to drag him around and safe him from the lion’s den.

tbh i dont even need to include these, but i’m doing it for the indulgence.

yohan does sorta physically throw gaon as well during the rich people party, but that’s mainly to get him to shut up because he’s trying to show gaon the truth at hand and how all of it’s pretty much a farce.

later on in the episode is when we first have gaon truly attacking yohan verbally, and that’s when yohan snaps. it’s clear that isaac is a trigger for yohan, especially from someone who speaks out of line on something they know nothing about. gaon, truth be told, had a stupid moment confronting yohan the way he did. i don’t know who waltzes up to a proposed murderer and just asks them, lmao.

but here’s the thing, thus far, gaon has not entirely posed a threat to yohan. whether that’s from yohan planting gaon and guiding him exactly where he wants him or gaon just not being as thorough as yohan would like, and he’s trying to tap into that talent, is anyone’s guess. but as i said above, the one thing yohan protects is the things he does care about the most, and he tries to talk himself out of his own feelings. he constantly compares himself to an animal (again, dinner scene with gaon and jinjoo) to justify his actions, and to possibly not feel anything; because that’s easier, isn’t it? not feeling. so on top of gaon calling him a monster and a killer, confronted with the possibility about being a villain in his own brother’s story, obviously sets him off. he beats down his emotions until he’s confronted with it - and this is what gaon also meant in ep 6 about how it’s ridiculous that yohan calls himself a monster over a victim because yohan can’t even see himself in that light. not because he truly believes victims are weak necessarily, but i wonder how much he realizes that what happened to him wasn’t his fault.

to me, and as i just said, yohan convinces himself he’s a monster to make it easier for himself to belief his actions (ep 5 telling gaon some humans are born monsters in relation to himself). it’s not that he inherently thinks he’s wrong, but i think his guidance for what’s right and wrong was misconstrued without a parent figure in his life, especially if he’d read crime and law books as the focus. yohan’s actions, at least quite a bit of them are, are based on a gut feeling of right and wrong. when you think about it and your own sense of justice, how would that differ without the checks and balances in place? what punishment do you think fits the crime if we weren’t bound by written law? yohan thinks any action to protect those he loves is, more or less, justifiable because it’s a means to an end. it’s making a worng right again.

i don’t think yohan is a monster. i think his feelings, and what he knows is love, is misconstrued in terms of how to express it. we see this in episode 7 with his and elijah’s conversation where she’s just trying to be a teen, but his version of love is protecting her without, once again, understanding family dynamics and the pain points of growing up, the learning she has to do on her own. yohan might technically be right; similar to being book-smart but not necessarily street smart. his theory of telling Elijah that she’s soft for kindness and being used was true, but his delivery and the idea that that’s how humans develop doesn’t work. he’s telling her text-book rules, but people don’t live through books. they live through real life. yohan reads to get a sense of fulfillment and to learn. he’s learned his way into adulthood, but that’s not normal.

so uh anyway, back to this familiar scene:

because we don’t know the actual story of isaac’s death, it’s hard to say what role yohan played in his death, but i don’t know that i believe he was the one who did it. the entirety of the devil judge is relying on unreliable narration, so it’s difficult to gauge (for now since we’re on ep 7) how this will turn out and what happened, but to me, it really comes across as yohan upset over the insinuation that he could be the one to cause the death of the one person he loved the most. plus, i think it says a lot that he cares/loves elijah, and she was part of isaac. gaon crossed a thine line. yohan essentially welcomed him in, and this is gaon toeing it. we can also look at this is not gaon being an outsider to their family, but now has become part of the family, and so it’s easier for yohan to be ‘abusive,’ if you will, rather than the perspective of gaon still on the sidelines and pushing too far. by this i mean, the accusations made by gaon threatens their formulating family dynamics.

and once again, the only person he ever actually reaches out for is isaac.

and then we have the aftermath of yohan’s nightmare, where he’s still caught in the dream as gaon comes in, and refuses to be touched after, even if gaon’s intention is to see if he’s okay. yohan makes it very clear to gaon not to touch him, and that’s when elijah comes in with a very accusatory ‘what are you two doing?’ in this moment, yohan is not just vulnerable, but he’s emotionally sensitive. i’ve no doubt he’s still dealing with a form of sensory overload from his dream.

and then, i don’t know that this was necessary? was it necessary?

the following set of scenes are the ones where gaon tells him he’s a victim and he hasn’t confronted his own emotions about his abuse. i think yohan realizes gaon is right to some degree, but it is convoluted, and it’s not so simple to face your own traumas. however, he does for a moment after gaon leaves, remember another instance of abuse he couldn’t stop but wishes he could, wishing a parental figure of sorts would’ve come in to save him like his older self is trying to save the kid version if only he could turn back time, if only he had the power to do what he wish someone else had done for him.

and then the kidnapping scene is just. fucked up in and of itself. it actually makes my skin crawl. not because sunah is scary necessarily, but the lack of autonomy yohan has - especially when we find out later more of sunah’s story. to do something like this after what she’s suffered through makes this scene even more disturbing.

you can see the moment yohan hears heels when sunah (not knowing it’s her yet) comes in. literally the minute he knows someone’s headed his way, he checks the fuck out. his whole face goes slack, especially when sunah reveals herself. and when she’s kissing him? blank as fuck, too. it’s the most dead-eyed stare i think we’ve seen from him.

episode six

so, we get this gem from elijah that i’d like to touch on later. it’s more speculation and just me running through ideas more than it is canon fact. but what it does let us know is that yohan doesn’t seek people out. he prefers to be at home and staying there.

after we get the maid story, and we do get yohan touching sunah’s cheek, and in some fucked up twisted way, this is his way of protecting one of the things isaac cherishes the most. the point of the gesture isn’t just intimidation but serves as an act of intent, of protection in the only way yohan knows how. he’s safeguarding isaac. you can tell he doesn’t actually like sunah at all as a kid, but uses that to his advantage. imagine yohan learning violence for ‘good’ things when his father used violence for ‘bad’ things. what a twisted way of looking at it? and the irony at hand.

additionally, the main reason i’ve included so many varying scenes of yohan touching people isn’t to establish that he’s okay with being touched given how many scenes there are of him randomly shaking people’s hand or touching them. it’s all about context and what the intent is for. most often than not, really way more often than not, yohan only reaches out for people when it’s socially acceptable to do so and because it’s manners. and yet, even in some of those cases, there is still intent behind the gesture.

the moments he acts out the most are when he’s not in front of an audience, when he’s more likely to be alone with his thoughts and is exceptionally more vulnerable to his own triggers.

and i think the scene after he’s back at his house from the kidnapping is noteworthy because it doesn’t just feel like he’s shaking off the effects of the drugs he was given. he seems to visibly trying to compose himself of the mental and physical play he just had to deal with.

the next scene is yohan angry with gaon for taking elijah out. which really, he does have every right to be angry, and one thing i didn’t note above during the ‘you killed your brother’ choke out scene before is that when yohan is backed into any kind of corner, he reacts like a caged animal.

because we’ve already established the scenes with his abuse, his father took his anger physically out on yohan. so how else was yohan supposed have developed the tools to express it? it’s easy to hurt the things you love the most; it’s easy to abuse the ones you know, and between gaon and himself, they both have an unhealthy dynamic because gaon is old enough, strong enough to take whatever yohan gives him. gaon is not family and so there’s still that clear divide and a distinction as to why he lays a hand on gaon but not elijah, for example. gaon can still pose a threat. elijah is family. then again, it can also be said that maybe yohan considers gaon family, and gaon betrayed elijah and therefore yohan, and you don’t do that. not with yohan’s understanding of family dynamics.

but with that said, it begs the question why yohan keeps gaon around, and i think some of that has to do with the fact that gaon surprises yohan. he might’ve set his sights on him long before he became an associate judge or maybe he took interest after gaon was chosen for the role (this is still up in the air), but deep down, yohan sees something in gaon despite his snooping, despite his righteousness. it could be the potential; it could be the fact that gaon could be better than yohan if he just allowed himself to loosen the ropes he’s tied himself with when it comes to the court of law and the justice system.

but here’s the thing that idk a lot of people have really picked up on. gaon is one side of the same coin underneath it all. he’s also provoked yohan with physicality when yohan brought up details about soohyun.

to be fair, we can say that yohan evokes a different type of anger in gaon, one that he hasn’t tapped into for years that allows him to open up to that more physical side of himself he learned to put behind him. gaon doesn’t really come across as the physically threatening type, but yohan does push his buttons and vice versa.

but then, of course, we have the big fight scene where gaon goes in on the attack, and that’s when yohan makes his threat not to attack him ever again. it’d be easy to say he says it based on the merit of him not actually attacking soohyun, but seriously speaking, the intent feels much more than that. more along the lines of asking gaon not to provoke him without warning again because next time might be bad. most of their other fights, especially the one above,have been in the midst of conversation. this time, it’s from a place of complete surprise, and you can tell yohan goes on the defensive when his first instinct is to not just throw gaon back but raise his fist to strike.

episode seven

the only physical contact yohan has with anyone is the president, and that’s when he turns on the live video of the two of them, and it’s clearly intended to be a lowkey threat. he keeps pulling the president back into his side to be on the live camera after the dude tried to come after yohan. i do think it’s hilarious that yohan manipulated the situation with a live component just as the president and the rest of the rich people thought they could turn a live court show into manipulating the public.

and then, of course, the jail scene. the part where he makes gaon stay. he also touches gaon’s shoulder later just before they leave.

episode eight

the most prominent scene in this ep is certainly the scene where sunah comes onto yohan, and you can tell she did it to get under his skin in some way. of course, he’s smart and knows she’s up to something, but i think it’s so interesting how he wraps his fists around hers, almost as if to tame her and prevent her from trying to further put her hands on him.

we also know yohan has no issue with using physical force regardless of who it is (obviously, his dialogue in this scene, too) when he feels caged or trapped. his intention is also to retrieve isaac’s necklace, and i like how he uses literally anything to his advantage. meaning, he’ll use physical touch, his mentality, etc to get what he wants or needs, even if it is marginally uncomfortable to some degree.

and i think that also says alot about him is that he’s able to displace what makes him uncomfortable in moments like this to achieve an end goal.

additional thoughts

i know this isn’t really common with a lot of the characters in general, and could be chalked up to a cultural component, but yohan’s definitely not a hugger.

the other thing i wanted to note is yohan’s seemingly adherence to touch unless it’s for good reason in relation to sex. the main reason i bring it up is because i’ve seen it discussed a bit, especially in regard to elijah’s comment about him not staying out overnight since the fire. there are a few plausible scenarios, maybe more, but for the sake of this, we’ll go for these.

yohan has had past relationships/experience or will in future episodes

day flings

he’s never had an interest in anyone before given his upbringing and abuse and therefore never sought out sex

inexperience could be from lack of interest in other people and sex itself

he’s never found anyone to really connect with and trust in such a way and has avoided it for that reason

and i bring this up mainly because i think it could be something to explore in fanon, but also because i’m kind of annoyed with how people have been talking about yohan being a virgin. i’m not quite sure what the joke is, but lack of sexual experience does not mean naive or that he doesn’t have a sense of humor when that’s clearly far from the truth:

i don’t know that people find it unbelievable because of his age, because of characterization of yohan being more dominant, but none of these things negate this being an option. i think it’s perfectly plausible of a situation (from what we know right now), and truthfully, it would make a whole lot of sense. i just don’t get the jokes about it that i’ve been seeing online (twitter) when there isn’t a mutual exclusiveness to any of it whatsoever.

yohan already has a hard time connecting with people, and i can imagine that level of physicality could be difficult. clearly he knows how to use a version of it to get what he wants. i’ve no doubt he’s used his charms in situations where he’s needed to. yohan knows he has that going for him, at the very least. but sexual appeal and jokes doesn’t mean having a body count any more than it could indicate there being one.

lastly, i also want to pull these paragraphs from @b612sunsets​‘s post because i think they do a much better job than i ever could of explaining, short and sweet, a fundamental part of yohan’s characterization, and mainly what i was trying to get at with this long ass post.

“There's two things we already know about Yohan from the last 6 episodes: he hates being touched when he doesn't see it coming and doesn't have control over it because of the abuse he suffered (I assume). To name a few: Soohyun grabbing his elbow to stop him from leaving and get answers about Gaon, the beggar that touched him while he searched for the fireman, Gaon after punching him and Yohan clearly telling him to NEVER do it again. The impression it gave to us is that if there's a next time he might not be able to stop his instinctive reaction of defending himself and using violence back (something worse than choking or pushing Gaon and he doesn't want to do that with him).

“Unless it's a friendly/small/slow touch like in the breakfast scene when Gaon touches his arm when he gets up to offer them some fruits. When he had the nightmare with Isaac, his walls were up high so even if he could see Gaon's touch coming and it was friendly, he decided to stop it because he was too defensive and sensible to accept the gesture (it would be the first time Gaon started physical contact with him too, he wouldn't be ready for that in such a state).

“The second thing is that Yohan hates when people take what is his or mess with what is important to him. Again, to name a few: Sunah with the necklace when she was a maid, the fireman with Isaac's watch (Yohan made them fall from high places, not caring if they died or not), the guy that fabricated the small bombs that hurt Gaon (Yohan would have burnt his face if "K" hadn't stopped him) and Gaon taking Elijah out of the house to Soohyun without previous notice (a cop and someone he doesn't trust).”

yohan has a very, very large sense of self-preservation for himself and for those he cares about. it’s in his intention, actions, facial expressions, movements, the way he interacts with people. i find it fascinating how calculating he can be, but at home, he’s at his most vulnerable and almost socially unaware and awkward.

yohan is a bit of an irony. he understands people from an action-oriented, instinctual level, but he doesn’t necessarily understand their thoughts and emotions in the waves of nuances that people live through on the daily. like, he gets it to an extent and on a practical level, but he himself is a square trying to fit into a circle - he doesn’t always understand it for himself and has to actively work on social cues so as not to come across as the devil child he was once painted to be.

and let it not be unsaid, yohan really will go to the ends of the earth for family, even if it means stepping out of his comfort zone.

and so anyway, i doubt this offered any real insight, but i think this is my way of breaking all of this down for myself. so, tada!!! lmao

#x #the devil judge #the devil judge meta #* #*the devil judge

[swampgallows]

my uncle works at blizzard and i know the end of shadowlands

here is my prediction, it’s sloppy as fuck but i wanna just draft my general idea before the shit actually comes out so i can be like “CALLED IT” if i’m right lol

okay so let’s talk DREADLORDS babey. they are not demons per se but a separate race of sentient beings called the nathrezim. apparently they were discovered by sargeras when he was traversing the cosmos. they were sitting around chilling with the old gods, which is how sargeras found out about the old gods and void lords in the first place. so the history of dreadlords and the old gods/void goes way back.

there are three things that dreadlords are very good at:

1. summoning chaotic shit 2. crafting chaotic shit 3. being chaotic neutral emissaries, mostly for the burning legion. mostly.

1. dreadlords are really powerful interdimensional beings from the twisting nether. however, with the afterlives: maldraxxus cinematic it possibly implies that both the denizens of the shadowlands and the nathrezim themselves have the power to move between life and death as well as laterally across realms like the elemental plane, twisting nether, etc.

2: the dreadlords have forged the sword apocalypse and are possibly the original smiths of the helm of domination and frostmourne. we know that these artifacts are not of azeroth. the nathrezim could have smithed both the helm and frostmourne with help from the jailor and his magic. side note is the WoW canon spelling his name Jailor or Jailer? ive seen both. guess it’s one of those imposter/impostor situations.

anyway, point number 3: we have witnessed dreadlords allying themselves with several different factions, including but not limited to the scourge (sub-faction of the legion), the burning legion, the light (lothraxion), and waaaay back when... the forsaken. by sprinkling themselves throughout the cosmos they can tip the scales on several fronts toward chaos/old gods/void (yes, even lothraxion, since the Light seems to have its own agenda per Xe’ra).

newer players may not know that sylvanas once had a dreadlord ally named Varimathras. one of his click-quotes he’d say “I’m always on the winning side.” he claimed to hold no more ties to the burning legion and that he also wanted to get revenge on arthas/the lich king, and since that was sylvanas’ ultimate goal, they teamed up. he used to chill right next to her in the royal quarter, until the battle for the undercity. this was a wotlk-era event not unlike the pre-bfa “war of thorns” that followed The Wrathgate. the horde, including thrall and varok saurfang, led horde troops into the undercity to oust the mutineers from the horde. the alliance was also present, with newly-returned king varian wrynn and lady jaina proudmoore also invading to take their revenge on putress and his loyalists. 

but before all that, sylvanas could have possibly been clued in by varimathras about the jailor’s intentions all the way back in wrath. especially if she was looking for a way to defeat the “death god” lich king, varimathras would have been more than happy to tell her about death’s boss—the jailor—and the suffering arthas would undergo in the maw. (remember, shadowlands itself is not new lore. it has existed since the dawn of warcraft itself; whenever you die in game you are in the shadowlands. the spirit healers in the graveyards are in the shadowlands.)

again, this is just my speculation, but varimathras easily could have told sylvanas about the origins of the helm and frostmourne, the source of arthas/the lich king’s powers. varimathras/putress betray her (though even this has conflicts with new lore, e.g. Chronicle [my bane] saying that Sylvanas had planned the Wrathgate all along). battle for undercity happens, and varimathras is banished. 

sylvanas maybe figures ‘dont worry imma bust that shit open when i go kill arthas’. maybe she even planned to hold dominion over the scourge and wear the helm herself, taking the place bolvar has currently. but the halls of reflection & ICC happen and... she doesnt get to kill arthas, her one reason for continuing her existence.

so we get Edge of Night, which potentially planted a lot of seeds (if blizz is that clever).

VALKYR possibly trick her (i have said this before), as they are agents of the scourge/the jailor, hopefully to get sylvanas on their side to incur more death and be a secondary wave of would-be scourge (since bolvar aint doin that job and he’s not dead so they cant really get to him BUT they can travel throughout the shadowlands). either that or maybe they were planning on her becoming the new lich king and when bolvar got the hat instead they got a lil pist about it.

sylvanas is foisted into the very non-consensual position of “choose death and suffer for eternity or come back to life and Lead Your People™”. there is some OLD ASS LORE that i cannot find and maybe it’s something i misread somewhere or whatever but i was always under the impression that the Light could not save the Scourge, so anyone turned Scourge could possibly end up in the Maw on principle of being inherently irredeemable (hence the name “Forsaken”, they cannot be saved by the Light). the lore might have changed or, like i said, i might have just picked this up from somewhere and it’s wrong entirely. but if that’s the case, more Scourge = more anima dumped into the Maw disposal, which strengthens the jailor. either that or breaking sylvanas’ spirit to redirect her vengeance on Capital D Death rather than arthas himself.

basically everything sylvanas does while “alive” in azeroth pales in comparison to the eternal suffering and torment that awaits her if she is to die. so she has literally nothing to lose and can only gain by at least keeping herself alive as long as possible, no matter what wild shit she gets up to, it cant be as bad as the maw. 

ultimately i think sylvanas becomes the new jailor to satisfy both her loyalists/fans and those who want her to pay for her crimes, she is redeemed by technically stopping the maw expansion by taking over a la bolvar keeping the scourge dormant, all the symbolism of her destroying the helm of domination becomes all the more poetic and poignant along with her ‘this world is a prison and i will set us all free’ bullshit, avoids her potential fate in the maw as a prisoner by becoming the jailor itself (”better to reign in hell than serve in heaven”). PLUS then she gets placed in a limbo much like illidan fighting sargeras for potentially eternity by being dead-but-not-really as the jailor so blizzard can cameo to her or make merch of her all they want or bring her back as deus ex machina if they feel like it.

i had way more details about this shit when me n the best friends talkd about it a while back but it’s  been seemingly an eternity since then but yeah the tldr

sylvanas becomes jailor (predictabo) because varimathras spilled the beans about the funny sword and hat his buddies made purely for the bants w the old gods/void (less predictabo).

boy are they gonna make that covid vaccine soon or what i need a fuckin job

#world of warcraft #shadowlands #metacraft #blathering #long post

[aeide-thea]

This is a gentle request for any Geraskier fics you want to rec, because the number of them in the tag is a bit overwhelming but I KNOW there are gems in there 👀

i’m pretty sure i’ve reblogged things in the past! but it’s true that i haven’t done that in any systematic way, so—let’s see. under the cut are 20-ish recs alphabetized by author, which seemed like a good way of avoiding having to make any hierarchical declarations:

o, empathy by almostnectarine/@nectarine-pit: bodyswap! i forgot how much i loved this fic. geralt and jaskier walk a mile in each other’s shoes, and learn to appreciate each other better; this is keenly observed and thought-through, and frequently extremely funny. a thoroughgoing delight.

Jaskier pulled a face and swiveled the straps such that both swords almost fell from their scabbards at once, ruining the moment. “Geralt,” he said, “this leather itches. You’ve lived five lifetimes—” “Not that old,” said Geralt, in protest, and then, considering: “Maybe three.” “—and you never once thought, hm— oh, I see why you do that all the time, it is quite fun, isn’t it— hm, maybe I’ll add a little padding?!” His mimicry of Geralt’s tone was very good, although perhaps it was cheating, when the voice was already the same.

public displays of affection by autoschediastic/@bluesoaring: geralt and jaskier go to a sex party! (not to be confused with the other fic by sospes in which geralt and jaskier go to a sex party, which is also excellent.) if that wasn’t enough of a sell, well, you confuse me, but—the flavor of the power dynamic here is a little complex and unusual in a way i enjoyed, plus frankly the description of geralt stripped down for this party is really, uh. really A Lot. i admit to being biased in favor of sex party stories in general but this one is definitely a keeper.

to you always, also by autoschediastic/@bluesoaring: in which geralt is a demanding, insatiable bottom. ...honestly, this fic has significantly more emotional weight to it than that description might suggest, but i still stand by it. also the initial setup is just really funny to me, because jaskier getting hilariously outraged by geralt’s sheer infuriating geralt-ness is, like, my fave flavor of jaskier. (that’s a lie, every flavor of jaskier is my favorite flavor of jaskier, but i do really delight in this one.)

@blossomsinthemist’s mixing memory and desire series (wip) is basically my favorite thing ever, like, just truly perfectly crafted to please me personally. it’s h/c, and just astonishingly luxuriant and languorous and lovely—or, okay, let me actually just quote a comment i left on an early chapter:

this is just so exquisitely tender and molasses-lovely-sweet so far, my god the glimpses we get dimly through geralt’s hazy bemused perception of what jaskier’s feeling are so heart-clenchingly poignant—and then of course the glimpses of what geralt himself is feeling for jaskier without understanding it, this stunned rapt gratitude for everything jaskier is doing but also everything jaskier is, the lovely gentle sturdy solicitous gift he is & keeps making of himself to geralt, who would probably call it undeserved except that of course we can see precisely what in geralt has tugged this tenderness from jaskier, this terrible aching wounded gallantry that’s so astonished to meet with respite…

the meet death sitting (wip) series by @bomberqueen17 is my other favorite thing—much plottier than the previous, with a much wider cast of characters, and while i’m ultimately in it for the geralt/jaskier and therefore being strung along in exquisite agony while all sorts of plot things get in the way of any real resolution of that, it’s honestly worth it; what you lose in immediate gratification you gain in, like, a sense that this story inhabits a real, full world, with real events that aren’t just arranged to suit our heroes’ convenience. if i could only get you to read two things it would be this series and the previous one: between them they have my heart. anyway i guess i may as well quote myself again:

it’s the rich realistic interweaving of things that’s so remarkable here, how the absolute throat-thickening aches run abruptly up against the entirely mundane and all of it has to be coped with, because that’s life, and this story has life within it, in a realer way than probably anything else in the fandom, maybe anything else i’ve read in a long time. and of course a large part of me is so, so desperate for geralt and jaskier to finally come back together, with enough time and space to settle into a mutual secure tenderness instead of the current wordless, longing, poised-always-to-spring-away-like-deer-in-a-forest situation; but the story is coaxing me into a more adult patience, an appreciation for the smaller quieter incidental pleasures that aren’t the one subsuming great love, and then also teaching me to live with the wounds one inevitably acquired along the way, the pull and ache of those that makes the whole thing real, not a shining fantasy but a homely pie with a rich satisfying filling, savory and bolstering.

my body bruises at your touch by @brawlite: jaskier gets tied up by geralt as bait for the monster of the week, and discovers he likes it quite a bit. smut (and then aftercare) ensues.

demand an encore (wip) by emamel/@theaceace: jaskier is a witcher of the viper school, or used to be. he doesn’t remember it, but geralt does.

it’s been a while since i read this, but the way the layers slowly start fitting together is really satisfying: all the joy of what i think the kids call ‘identity porn,’ with the twist that here, it’s geralt who knows both identities, and jaskier who’s still in ignorance. ugh, i want chapter 3 now.

musica universalis by flirtygaybrit is bookverse and clearly so—it’s not romantic, but there’s a particular ambiguous flavor of solicitous tenderness that elevates this ‘friendly drunken hookup’ scenario to something memorable for me.

of cherries and dandelions by heyriel: in which a still-virginal jaskier bites off more than he can chew, and tries to disguise it until he can’t anymore. as i said to the author:

this is lovely and realistic in its navigation of, like, trying to Be Cool and the ways that can sometimes get you in trouble as a young sexplorer—geralt is so good to jaskier here and i’m having feelings about it!

also geralt uses a dildo on jaskier, which was not a thing i’d known i wanted before reading this, but it turns out i’m very decidedly here for it! i haven’t seen a ton of sex toys in geraskier fic and this story makes me wish there were more.

gentle-sharp and strange by lisztful has some excellent touch-starved pining geralt, also a performatively public bath scene with very satisfactory sexual tension, also an Ancient Tradition which is maybe the thing i remember most about this fic.

i know that you would want it (if i could sink my teeth into you) by objectlesson is... look, there’s an actual emotional arc to this story, but really what i always remember about it is that it’s got the most overwhelmingly visceral rimming scene i’ve maybe ever read? it’s a lot, it’s a gift, go read it.

@pasdecoeur has several stories that are very funny with some very piercingly erotic moments! briefly sketched in some ways and more pining than porny but no less effective for it.

benefits by @shastafirecracker is a pwp story in which jaskier is first surprised to find geralt wants him to top, and then determined to give geralt the best dicking he’s ever had. jaskier’s inner dialogue in this one is really fun; geralt’s exterior dialogue is true to the show in that it’s minimal but nonetheless includes a bad pun. :)

even a small love by shecrows/@leighway is like. you think you know how things are going to go, and then jaskier balks and it abruptly swerves sideways and develops a whole plot, and then comes back around to where it started, but deeper and better. don’t you love how you can summarize a fic without saying anything meaningful or even helpful about it? anyway: read this one.

snowmelt by silklace/@silkcoeur is a/b/o and somehow both extremely hilarious and extremely hot in full measure. the banter is a fucking delight but so are the tension/sex/feelings.

It wasn’t until they were well on the road away from town that it really hit him, though possibly he should have been paying attention to the way the backs of his knees had started sweating the minute he’d seen Geralt walking towards him outside of Yennefer’s manor, or to the way his throat had gone hot and dry despite the taste of sweetness still on the back of his teeth from the wine skin he’d pilfered from her pantry on his way out. In his defense, he’d still been recovering from spending the prior evening steadfastly spitting his insides up onto his outsides. Also, he tended to always get a little sweaty around Geralt, a fact they were both apparently extremely united in assiduously pretending was not happening.

the sevenfold path by star_flaming/@europeansdomusicalsbetter: in which jaskier is demonstrably extremely well educated, and geralt has feelings about it. (i also have feelings about it, but mine are in my pants.)

you are in my blood by @suzukiblu​: au where jaskier is a bruxa. this alters his character significantly—hard to be too skittish about bloodletting when you’re a vampire!—but the story’s so engaging you probably won’t care? plus, uh, hot. :)

Jaskier’s just debating how much trouble he’s actually in when Geralt, marvelously, talks them out of it. After that, well... Jaskier still wants to eat him very badly, but he supposes it’d be a bit ungrateful of him. Geralt isn’t very impressed with the song he writes for him, unfortunately—which, rude—but doesn’t try to run off and leave him either, so.. Well, Jaskier’s a bit smitten. A delicious-smelling witcher who can talk his way out of being murdered is very impressive. And he always has wanted a pet.

taran (@iamtaran)’s manhandling without plot series has no sex but lots of violent, compellingly visceral hijinks and i like to think of it as preslash. three times geralt hauls jaskier out of trouble.

Jaskier is flat on his back with his chemise rucked up to his armpits, salve burning on his bruised ribs, breathing hard; he is drunk, but not nearly as drunk as he was when he threw that first punch; Geralt is stupidly strong and has him pinned beneath one hand and the sheer girth of his own hips, looking grumpy and short on patience, and under everything—the aromatic menthol and chamomile smell of the salve, the aching of his cheek and lip, the relief of seeing Geralt just as upright and uninjured as he had been when he left, Jaskier is… He had thought he was furious. He still is, somewhat. Like… like a seed is a flower. It was, at first, before it became something else. And given enough time it might become such again. It is what it is in the meantime, however. Fury. Seeds.

last but not least, @toyhto​ has a bunch of fics that crack me the fuck up: geralt is unbelievably oblivious to his own emotions even as he acts on them, and it’s just—it’s so, so funny. also sometimes quite sweet, and sometimes quite painful! there’s a particular air of, i don’t know, almost see-spot-run impenetrability to the writing here that lends itself perfectly to the thing the stories are doing, where geralt is just operating totally on a surface level and, like, feelings are moving in the deep but he can’t quite see them...

...and that’s all for now! more to come later, maybe; but this seems like plenty for a first pass, and anyway i’m blurbed out.

#the witcher #geraskier #fic #recs

[iatheia]

EDA reviews Part 5 - books 38-46

Previous part 1, 2, 3 & 4

38) Casualties of War - a lovely story. In form and in function it is pretty much identical to the previous story, and even reveals pretty much the same info verbatim. The plot is similarly nothing outstanding, from ~5 minutes in you can tell pretty much exactly how it is going to turn out. That said, it has a much better atmosphere than the Burning, and Doctor’s characterization is also much stronger. Nice and relaxing, if a bit gory at times, and veering off towards supernatural by the end. 8/10

39) The Turing Test - Wow, these stories keep getting better and better! It is overwhelming and exuberant. Only a handful of books have even attempted to get anywhere near close into the Doctor’s psyche as this one has. Moreover, it has multiple narrators, and all three have a very different relationship with the Doctor, you get into the different facets of his persona, multiplicity of his character. You have a dashing and breathless romantic whose mere presence sweeps you off your feet, a reckless hero, an enigma, at the same time, there is a rather selfish and cruel streak as well. He is a manipulator, someone who knows more than he should and willing to use this knowledge to achieve his aims, willing to play people against each other and show a side of himself that they would be most accepting to see. It is never to the degree of Seven, this behavior is all Eight through and through, the core of his characters never sways, it’s just viewed through a different lens. The previous novels have established these facets, but more on accident, due to lack of consistency between different writers, picking one and going with it. But this is the first one I feel they were actually explored in full, though, certainly, there will be other stories to tackle this in the future as well (Caerdroia in particular comes to mind). An outstanding story through and through. 10/10

40) Endgame - Hot off the heels of the previous one, another fun story - or, at the very least, something that would have been a gem if it had managed to sustain the energy it had at the beginning. Doctor’s claustrophobia and depression were very poignant, and, as much as I loved Stranded already, it does make me look at that story in a new light with a newer appreciation. And, on top of that - this book is funny, the Doctor evading spy agents with ease is the comedy of errors. That said, in the second half there is too much runamock it’s a bit repetitive, not very well organized, they needlessly cross the ocean so many times, the situation at a given location is resolved the second the Doctor shows up on a scene, and it all ends in deus ex machina. The authors note says that the original draft was submitted unfinished, and boy does it show. Still, I had fun with it. 8/10

41) Father Time - It is hard not to notice though that some of the novels come in pairs (or trios). The Burning and the Casualties of War had a lot of overlap. Turning Test and Endgame were both based on political intrigue. And now, Endgame and Father Time, both feature some mysterious entity that know the Doctor from before, with him not knowing who they are. They are even called similarly, “The Players” and “The Hunters”. When these overlaps are so close to one another, it does rather stick out. This ark is not the first time this happened, obviously, there have been a number of stories before that makes you pause and go “wait, you’ve just done this in the previous book, too”. It’s probably more to do with how quickly the books are released one after another, so as the writers discuss some ideas, they end up being in several places....

That said, the first third of the book had me singing its praises. After going through the five stages of grief, and battling against the depression of the previous novel, the Doctor is finally reaching acceptance of his situation, and possibly nurturing hope for the future. It’s exactly the type of a fluffy story I have a weakness for. But then... you have a time skip, which gets all the pacing torn into shreds. Not only the conclusion of the first part is too abrupt, everything falling into pieces as if by accident, but also, none of the things that happened in the first part (or most of the characters that were introduced) matter for part two. It turns into a chess match play by numbers, moving characters across the board almost without any transition in service of “plot”, without much of consideration for their head space, keeping everyone rather ooc. The change in visuals is very abrupt - it’s hard to accept the Doctor as a millionaire business consultant living in a grand mansion, new family situation or not. It’s not just at odds with his bohemian persona, it also begs a question, if he is so famous, what do the UNIT and Torchwood are doing about it? And also, *sigh*. You have a sixteen year old girl, who, in the previous chapter, just been ten. And you decide to spend the next two chapters on little else than musing how “she hasn’t been interested in sex, even though she is SO HOT”, only to decide that she is interested now, actually. It comes across more than a little fetishistic, and the story continues to follow her around with the male gaze. I’m not here to follow sexual exploits of minors - not in a Doctor Who novel. It is utterly unnecessary, doesn’t add anything of value to the plot, not character driven, and made me lose pretty much all of the good will I had from the first part of the story (and I had a lot of it, because the start of it was basically perfect). In the third part, it just turns into a discount Taken story, somehow managing to lose any cohesiveness and suspension of disbelief, and fizzles out in the end. 4/10

Amnesia watch: #7. It’s a bait and switch - the Doctor was just pretending, but I’m counting it anyway.

42) Escape Velocity - I wonder, how much sponsorship did various fast food places paid for this novel.... 

And we are back with Fitz. I didn’t really say it before, but it was really rather a dick move leaving the Doctor all alone for over a century. I mean, it worked, narratively speaking (more on that later), but, still, in an option between traveling through space & time BUT leaving them alone for that long, without any idea who they are, without any network of support, letting them slowly go mad, only being there for the fun bits, versus staying with them to help them through it all, you are kind of a bad friend. Sure, Compassion was in the driver’s seat, but Fitz didn’t exactly protest all that much, did he? And why 20th century earth? If the conditions for Doctor’s maroonment was that he had to stay somewhere for over 100 years while the TARDIS repaired itself, then any other technologically advanced era that didn’t have two world wars would have sufficed? And, psst, Doctor, your adopted kid has a space armada. I’m sure she wouldn’t mind giving you one ship that would allow you at least space travel, you didn’t have to spend last 11 years on Earth - you could have went traveling, TARIS in tow on that ship, and only checked in at the deadline.

Also, I get it, memory loss is a traumatic experience, and the Doctor isn’t human, and there is a sense of wrongness. But, he has lived on Earth for over 100 years. In that time he had more memories and experiences than any human alive. After a while, this entire thing of “I don’t know who I am” should start wearing a bit thin, don’t you think?

This rant aside, the book is a bit play by numbers. A lot of unnecessary runaround, traveling from London to Brussels and back several times for no particular reason. A rather boring “aliens invading earth” plot that left me checked out for a vast majority of it. Nothing bad about it, but nothing stands out about the plot either. But, it did have several heartfelt emotional scenes - the long awaited reunion, seeing TARDIS interior again, the finale. They were fairly brief, and it’s a bit of a pity they weren’t savored for a bit longer, instead letting the plot get in the way, but the little that was there was nice. 7/10

43) EarthWorld - I was hoping to enjoy this book a bit more than I ended up, I usually am quite fond of Rayner’s works, but I guess it is one of her first books. It’s a bit monotone, landing on the side of quirky, whether it was suited for a scene or not. Also dwelling on the past quite a bit, invoking the imagery of Unearthly Child, War Games, Greatest Show in the Galaxy in a rapid succession, for no specific reason, and then dwelling for quite a long time on several previous novels in a not entirely organic way. Instead of using this as an opportunity so start afresh now that we’re finally back in the TARDIS, it feels like it is focused more than ever on recapping how they got here, especially as the previous novel offered a way out by letting Fitz forget most of the previous “ark”. There were a lot of lovely character moments - but some of it did feel overly gratuitous. Still, it’s a decent book, even if it doesn’t quite reach full marks 8/10.

44) Vanishing Point - Easily the best Steve Cole novel of the ones I’ve ever read and/or listened to. This is the fresh start to the team adventures that I was hoping for. The alien world is interesting, with great worldbuilding (which is actually kind of rare in the novels). A lot of exciting imagery. The characters are a joy to behold. Not just the trio, but the secondary characters too. The first half of the book is basically perfect. It... kind of fizzles out in the second half, never really delivering on its set up in an entirely satisfying way.

A big part of the difficulty of suspending disbelief, though, was Fitz’s leg. I twisted my ankle once. I could barely walk for several days afterwards (so it having happen at a beginning of a trip was Awful), it took months for it to fully heal, and even now it feels more wobbly than the other one. And a colleague of mine ended up getting a special boot, because she keeps twisting her ankle (always the same one). Fitz had twisted his ankle, and then he was shot in the leg. And he is running about mountains and waterfalls almost immediately. 8/10

45) Eater of Wasps - You have to give it to Baxendale, he has a very particular style. Everything described so masterfully you couldn’t help but imagining every single detail, like painting a picture before you. Even though a significant portion of it is body horror that is described exactly as lovingly as the British countryside. Never before has the title been this appropriate. Very careful in setting up the conflict and tension between the protagonists. 10/10

46) The Year of Intelligent Tigers - This story is just nice. Another one with incredible visuals and incredible feelings behind it, exuberant and overwhelming, like a hurricane. The ending is particularly strong. This is peak Eight - a force of nature, alien and unknowable, and yet, you can’t help but being swept off your feet. Stories like this one is exactly why he is the platonic ideal of who the Doctor should be.

Overall impressions so far: This was like a breath of fresh air. The “stuck on Earth all on his own” ark was not only beautifully executed, but it was also badly needed. The last time I was complaining that few novels actually did anything with Eight - he would react to the plot, but never really be affected by anything. And at the heart of it was the issue that the writers, through trial and error, did come to a consensus about who he should be, but rarely took time to actually get into his head - they started out somewhat flat-footedly, and then got swept up in other things. Here, though, they were forced to slow down and focus his undivided attention just on him, what makes him tick if you break him down to the barest essentials - so even after reuniting with the TARDIS and the companions, his portrayal is all the stronger as a result. Rather than merely reacting to the world at large, he is now an active participant.

The companions are great. There is nothing particularly special being given to Fitz to chew upon, but his presence is always welcome, especially with him being as mellow as he has been back in Autumn Mist. What is it about the Doctor that attracts so many companions with an acute case of praise kink, I wonder? Anji is also interesting, and I love seeing what’s being done with her. She slots in perfectly, delivering so sorely missed snark Compassion had in her pre-Shadow of Avalon outings, all the while having a rather unique relationship with the Doctor - acknowledging his eldritch horror moments, being one of the few who does stand up to him. Especially after the last couple of books, I’m curious to see where this goes and how it continues to build.

The books themselves are a significant step up to what was there before, which got pretty joyless for a short while, alternating between mediocre to awful. In this batch, tough? Sure, there are some weaker offerings, but even there there is at least one stand-out scene that makes the book. Even if the plot isn’t exactly the most revolutionary thing in the world, it is being made up with solid character work. Honestly, for any new readers I would recommend just starting with #37 Burning and going from there - at least so far.

#doctor who #eighth doctor #eighth doctor adventures #eda

[aidemint]

𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐌𝐨𝐨𝐧 - 𝐆𝐢𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐓𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐨𝐤𝐚

Word Count: 1763

Warnings: None!

__

At night when the stars

Light up my room

The warm evening sheen was broken through by pinpricks of light in the sky above. A previously orange and red-streaked skyline had been enshrouded by a mass of cumulonimbus and replaced with a dark lavender color. The wonders the night held came out to play as thousands of stars glittered overhead and the large, yellow moon revealed itself, perched just beyond a small cluster of clouds. 

As the wind rustled the treetops and sent the birds fluttering up into the velvet horizon, the melancholic sound of crickets chirped through the air, filling the atmosphere with blithe indifference. I could feel the spirits of those in the estate relax, as the covert nuance that was the joyousness we all radiated calmed our aggressive souls and tamed them into happy pups.

It was funny how much tedium such a wonderful setting could bring me. 

__

When the world was asleep, I was awake.

My footsteps made no sound on the soft grass as I crept towards a small pond in the estate. As the tips of my toes touched the ground, tickled by the lawn, my chest rose and fell at a slow tempo. The quietness that enveloped the night was comforting, yet I felt dissonance rise in my mind. Perhaps it was because the magnitude of sound my thoughts held created an imbalance in the would-be perfect moment.

Arriving at the edge of the pond, I stared down into the silvery liquid, watching as its surface gently rippled as a small breeze blew through the air. It tousled my hair ever so gingerly, making waves of my locks. Moonshine glinted on the body of water, causing it to sparkle like never before. My irises reflected the image of the stars that were imprinted onto the pond, shining so magnificently that someone could mistake them for tiny lanterns in the midst of complete darkness. Tilting my head up towards the sky, the edges of my lips started to curl upwards as I caught sight of the wonders that littered space’s being.

It was a beautiful thing. 

But why weren’t any emotions stirring within me?

I sit by myself

Talking to the moon

Heaving a heavy sigh, the smile slowly melted off of my face after I blinked a couple of times. I felt conflicted. There was always this odd feeling that would curtail any positive emotion I had. A certain emptiness would overtake me and I would be left feeling hollow. It happened so frequently that I was just a baby step away from thinking that being happy would be an atrophy. If I couldn’t feel the bubbly sensation in my stomach, or feel butterflies flapping their light wings in my heart, what was the point?

It wouldn’t last, anyways. The emotion was so ephemeral, that I saw no point in even feeling that way in the first place. Of course, I could’ve just pretended that I was carefree or untroubled, but that was perfunctory, and it also had no purpose. 

Perhaps I was rambling. Maybe it didn’t matter all too much. When I didn’t even know the reason for this strange phenomenon, I shouldn’t have dwelled on it for so long. It could’ve been a sign from the universe for me to direct my attention to something other than irrelevant and silly matters. Giving a soft groan, my eyes flickered down to the water again. The light that came from it now had a banal glow, as clouds had set over the moon, obstructing it from my view. 

Ah, of course. What was I hoping for?

My shoulders sank and I finally took a seat on the ground. If only I had the will to ruminate about these matters instead of directly accepting them without a second thought, there would’ve been the possibility that all these problems I had would be solved. But even though I had no foresight into the future, I knew that my nature wouldn’t change. I was never the receptive type. There was no hope. 

I was so blind.

So I began to cry.

Fat droplets of water rolled down the sides of my face, dripping down my chin as tears spouted from my eyes. They made their journey from the corners of my eyelids to the bottom of my cheeks, trickling further from their origin, and closer to the ground. My skin flushed and became hot to the touch and my arms shook, hands curled up into little fists. Not once did I falter, or abstain from the actions my brain was feeding my body, but I soon realized that despite my physical reactions, there was no turmoil boiling inside of me. 

Through all of this, I made no attempt to wipe my tears away, or furrow my brows. Tears just started to leak and pour down my face at random. I didn’t curse at my own pestilence or weakness, nor did I begin to feel exasperated at my lack of stability. The only effect of crying I could truly feel was the sensation of my stamina being drained. 

What was the purpose? What was the reason?

Was I crying just to cry, or was I feeling something else? Did I want to fight it?

But no matter how hard I thought, I could only accept the outcome in the end.

Like an idiot.

Tryin' to get to you

In hopes you're on

The other side

Talking to me too

My ears perked up as soon as I felt a figure approaching, but I didn’t look at who it was. 

I knew already.

His sudden presence seemed repugnant. Of course, I couldn’t hear his footsteps, but I could sense him -- him and all of his brooding. As he took a seat next to me, I turned my head away with my gaze downcast. The moment had turned a lot more misgiving than I initially hoped it would be. I wished to be alone, but at the same time I would’ve stopped him if he had stood up again. 

Why were my own emotions an enigma, even to me?

“I had a feeling you would be here.” I hated the feeling of his eyes bearing into the back of my skull. “You weren’t at dinner.” Though my heart filled with disdain and I lacked effusiveness to respond, I sighed and somehow managed to reply. 

“I wanted to be left alone.” The figure besides me kept staring as if I were some odd, alien creature that had just crawled out of a shell. My teeth tugged at my bottom lip as I grew more and more aware of the fact that he’d figured out my lie. Willing myself to take a deep breath and look back at him, my earnest eyes met his dull ones and I forced a smile. As my heart hurt and throbbed painfully in my chest, I smiled with all the courage I could muster.

“I just wanted to be left alone,” I repeated. It sounded like I wanted to convince even myself that this whole scene had nothing to do with the fact that I was empty inside. There was something forlorn about the way I twiddled my fingers, and pitiful about the way my eyes were half-lidded. 

But of course, I’d already accepted this long ago, as I did with everything horrible that came my way. Maybe it was because I didn’t have the energy to fight anymore. If I hadn’t been so empty inside, things would have turned out differently. I wouldn’t be this ghost of a person, bound to the Earth by their physical form. These situations wouldn’t be so poignant and pernicious to my mind.

When I lifted my gaze after a few moments of thinking, I was met with faded blue eyes. His eyes. His dark navy irises that held a firm resolution about them -- yet I knew that in his mind there were so many swirling thoughts that it was nearly impossible to cherry-pick one of them from the mess that was the pileup. I tentatively returned his stare, feeling just a little bit meeker in his presence.

“I want to be left alone,” I whispered, “Please, leave me alone.” Yet the figure never left. His azurlean eyes kept themselves trained on me like a hawk, almost to the point where it seemed that he seemed sympathetic. My hand trembled and I finally broke the staredown, vehemently huffing and twisting my head away. The hashira next to me relaxed a bit, his posture growing less stiff and unwelcoming. He wrapped his fingers around mine and gave a small, sad, sigh.

Or am I a fool

Who sits alone

Talking to the moon

“No you don’t.” 

Then Giyuu leaned in and pressed his lips against mine. 

I felt butterflies.

I felt his free hand brush the side of my cheek, cupping it in his palm as we kissed. My skin flared with a bright red hue, almost unnoticeable in the pale moonlight, but it was hot to the touch, which collided with the cold feel of Giyuu’s fingertips. His lips captured mine and all was well in the world. His hand tightened around mine and he pulled me closer to deepen our lip-lock. 

I could taste the regret that lingered on his tongue. 

But it didn’t stop me from loving him.

Once we separated, we embraced each other like we were living our last days on Earth.

His arms wrapped around my shoulders and his lips whispered honey-coated words into my ears. And all I could do was accept it just how it was. I wanted to scream and cry, then sob for forever into the sleeve of his kimono. His actions were so sincere I could pound my fists into his backside and protest at how disgusting they were. 

I was a mess. A horrid mess.

I didn’t know what my thought process was, and I hated myself for that.

But it seemed as if I didn’t need one with Giyuu.

Because he was here when I was empty. He came and he filled my soul with yellow carnations and the sweetest smelling lavender. The bees and butterflies feasted on the blooms every so happily, their iridescent wings fluttering inside my heart. 

So this was the way he made me feel. 

Perhaps he could give me some form of absolution.

I laughed with a shaky smile and buried my face into the crook of his neck.

“I missed you.” Giyuu patted the back of my head and sighed softly.

“I know.”

#demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #giyuu #giyuu tomioka #anime #oneshot #imagine #talking to the moon

[scoundrels-in-love]

What's something fun or silly you'd like your followers to know about you? Also, got any fic recommendations?

Hmm, fun and silly? I can’t think of anything that would be entertaining to know about me. But okay! I misread and mis-see things to epic proportions (such as, the other day I read Spooklyn instead of Brooklyn and believed it for solid 5 seconds) and often forget lyrics or make up my own that become ‘and I really can’t fucking sing’ to vague tune and rhythm of the song. Basically, what is reality if your perception doesn’t mess around with it and spice it up Some?

Also, I absolutely love cats. Big and small and you will always get on my good side with caracals or snow leopards bouncing around.

Also fic recs? I absolutely do, but it also depends what you’re looking for. One shots, multichapters? Series, maybe? Ongoing WIPs that are definitely worthy of reading?

But okay! I think turned into author rec more than anything, oops? No particular order to this! Under cut because it got hella long.

I’d definitely rec anything by @angel-deux-writes​ over here! Amazing writing all around, poignant expression that gets you right in the heart, humor and besotted Jaime at his demisexual best. Has made me stay up until 4am to binge read and cry, and laugh. Can’t pick a favorite, just go in there and pick your poison. Even if it’s not tropes you typically like, there’s high chance you’ll like it anyway.

@ddagent​ is the person to go to if you want amazing, creative one shots of every kind of nature. They encapsulate entire worlds and often have continuations! Hot, tooth-rooting sweet, soft… You name it, she has it. Is also writing a lovely Queen!Brienne ongoing fic.

The Tides is fascinatingly interesting and beautiful story by @slipsthrufingers​ Probably my favorite Tarth depiction ever, but rest of it is just as great. The way they learn each other is just…. Hnngh. She’s also writing Braime takes on Miss Congeniality and Lost right now that are just chef’s kiss, if it’s something to your interest.

It wouldn’t be fic rec from me without @nire-the-mithridatist​ If you’re in for a one-shot that’s canon compliant and will absolutely destroy your heart, there’s this one from her. Otherwise, I strongly suggest looking over her work in general, like the lovely embroidery one (a depiction of married Braime that is one of my favorite yet), but also A Beauty By Any Other Name and Ocean Eyes, Diamond Mind. They’re both WIPs, but can you really pass up reading of a fanboy Jaime falling for singer/songwriter Brienne through internet while he overeagerly draws fanart of her work? Or a manmaid Jaime? Emotional, beautifully told and creative in every sense.

While everything by @luthienebonyx​ is utter delight, I am incredibly fond of her After Everything series. I am always here for exploration of emotional depth and underlying currents and she’s doing that so wonderfully (with a right amount of hot, though I’m trying to keep this rec neutral and not veer into fics that spin more around that).

If you do want some of that, though, @agirlnamedkeith​ is absolutely the person to go to, especially with We Make The Rules, but there’s lot of tenderness and beauty and hot stuff to be found all over her work. Also Jaime/Brienne/Addam. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Forpeaches/Bluecarrot also has some genuinely oh wow their mind AUs and concepts and I love the way they write, their dialogues are just something else and the way they tell story through them, versus internal ramblings that I can’t get rid of is just awe inspiring for me.

Samirant’s alright, outta sight is the ultimate ode to sort of enemies to friends to lovers trope, some of softest and hottest and most heart rendering stuff I’ve ever had the fortune to read.

LadyRhiyana is a delight, from fascinating AU one shots to entire series that revolve around Brienne squiring for Jaime or epic fic of Jaime & Tyrion timetravelling to present and getting adopted by Selwyn, essentially.

@ladyinredfics​ has a lot of gems but among my favorites are her epic sized Battle is the Great Redeemer ( Edge of Tomorrow AU that was absolutely wrecking to follow through while it was updating, but so rewarding) and also my personal favorite of direct transfer of book events into modern verse aka All the Redemption I Can Offer.

robotsdance writes in a way that always renders me into speechless, mushy pile of feelings and awe. I think I discovered her through the battlefield between us, which I’ve reread bunch of times, because it’s just so powerful in emotion and just take of events and the characters themselves, but you won’t go wrong with any of her other stories either, imo. Especially if you like Jaime gettin’ pegged.

Roccolinde’s works are such a FEAST, let me tell you. From a gorgeous take on selkie myth to canon-almost-compliant multichapter that is so frustratingly gorgeous in how they struggle to overcome the pain nested between them while loving each other so much, to a modern AU where Brienne babysits the Stark kids and befriends very demisexual Jaime.

Janie_tangerine has incredible amount of fics. And they’re mindboggingly good. But this time I’ll specifically rec one of first Braime fics that I read, ever, a soulmate AU. And it absolutely crushed me in best way possible and I still think of it often. Maybe one of ultimate tripping stones into this ship, by portraying the vulnerability and brokenness and the way they heal each other.

… Okay, listen, I could go on, obviously, but it’s 1am and I was supposed to be writing my own fic. So I’ll just round it up with assortment of few more fics.

The Lion, The Wench and The Wardrobe Trailer - a modern AU multichapter in full meaning of the name and still ongoing, but what a ride! Incredibly clever use of canon events in modern setting, emotional and sweet all at once, the shift from antagonism to mutual saviors to friends to essentially lovers but we’re too blind to see it to actual lovers. Interesting exploration of all characters, funny as hell, easter eggs for days. Slowburn

Measure in Love - I almost thought it was crackfic originally, but it’s amazing modern AU of a very unlikely and funny situation and two quite broken people drifting together. Slowburn for sure, but so rewarding, and every friendship in the story is absolute gold mine. Completed.

Souls to Hear - ongoing as of now, book verse. Absolutely keeping me on my toes and stressed how the hell are they going to get out of all of this, while also making me giddy with the emotional exploration of everything between them. Heading to slowburn territory but not yet long enough to really fall under into the category entirely.

.. There’s more, really, but my brain has shut down by now, ooops.

#lovely people #braime #braime ff #braime fic recs #if there's anything I got #then it's fic recs #I didn't spend most of my awake time reading braime fics for 4+ months to come out empty handed #albatrossisland #sent on a cloud

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

What about...... prompts 76 and 2 for macden

2. “Because I love you!”

76. “You don’t need to pretend.” 

aIso, I  want to say this fic was influenced by an ask the lovely Michelle @globrights sent me about Dennis drunkenly confessing his love for Mac in front of the gang, and hours and hours of me and ellie @softglenn crying about Mac and Dennis’s relationship from Dennis’s point of view over the past few days.

“Someone’s wasted,” Dee snorts.

“Am not!” Dennis slurs indignantly, pointing an accusatory finger at Dee “Everything’s just a little spinny, s’all”

Five PM finds Dennis slouched over, struggling to stay upright on his barstool. When he’d woken up that morning, it was to an empty apartment, and a granola bar sitting on the kitchen counter next to a note in Mac’s haphazard  scrawl reading: “In sewers with Charlie. C u at bar :)- M.”

Dennis scowled. Charlie had been going on lately about some sort of gnome-type creature that  hid jewels and gold coins all over the city sewers overnight, convinced that if he were to hit the right locations at all the right times, he’d be sure to strike gold. Of course he’d managed to convince Mac to go with him. Idiot.

Dennis  starting to crumble the note in his hand before stopping himself, smoothing it out and running his fingertips over the creases of the paper, before abruptly shaking his head and stuffing it begrudgingly in his back pocket. He ignored the granola bar and let the door slam behind him on his way out.

It’s not like it was a huge deal, it’s just not the start Dennis had pictured to his day. Normally, Mac would wake up before Dennis and put the coffee on, filling up Dennis’s travel mug, and greeting him with a sleepy  smile when Dennis finally trudges into the kitchen. Normally, Mac sits next to Dennis in the Rover on the way to work, shoulders just brushing as Mac yawns sleepily beside him, babbling about what he wants to have for dinner that night or  something funny Charlie had said while high and trying to change the radio to his own favorite stations when he thinks Dennis won’t notice. Dennis usually pretends not to, listens to Mac hum along under his breath instead.

Dennis is just used to it, is the thing.

So,  when Dennis got to the bar, he had started with the half-empty bottle of tequila he kept behind the fire extinguisher (in case of an emergency), eventually moving on to whiskey once he’d polished the bottle off.

Several long, self-pity filled hours and approximately five beers later, Dennis finds himself seriously weighing the pros and cons of slamming his head repeatedly against the bartop to drown out the sound of Dee who, convinced she has some sort of superior psychic ability, has been having Frank think of a number between 1 and 100 and then trying to guess it for the better part of the day (she hadn’t guessed correctly once).

When Mac and Charlie erupt through the bar door, empty handed and covered in splotches of dirt, talking excitedly about a sewer rat they had seen that Mac swears was twice as big as Poppins, Dennis is  done.

Dennis attempts to hoist himself to his feet, accidentally wrapping one ankle around the  foot of his bar stool, and finding himself flat on his back, blinking confusedly up at his friends.

Mac rushes instantly to Dennis’s side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to urge him upright, and inspecting his head for any sign of a bump.

“Someone’s wasted,” Dee snorts.

“Am not!” Dennis slurs indignantly, pointing an accusatory finger at Dee “Everything’s just a little spinny, s’all”

“Up we go, that’s it,” Mac mutters, hoisting Dennis by his armpits into a standing position, apparently satisfied that Dennis hadn’t managed to give himself any significant brain damage. Dennis sways against him as soon  his feet find the ground, and Mac immediately slides one arm around his back, clutching at his waist to steady him.

In lieu of a retort, Dee simply raises one eyebrow. Luckily, Mac has his back. Mac always his back, Dennis thinks.

“Shut up Dee, it’s your fault for letting him drink so much this early in the day. This wouldn’t have even happened in the first place if I had been here.”

“Wait, wait…wait,” Dennis wrinkles his brow, frowning up at Mac and then looking back at Dee “you guys aren’t the bosses…. o’ me….”

“I know, buddy,” Mac replies, good-naturedly, giving Dennis a placating little pat on the top of his head. Dennis, too wasted to take it at anything other than face value, nods contentedly and smirks back at Dee.

“I’m his sister, not his babysitter,” Dee retorts, “in case you’ve forgotten, some of us actually have other things to do than sit and worry about Dennis 24/7.”

At this point, Dennis’s head is lolling against Mac’s shoulder, and from this angle he can see Mac’s expression contort with anger, brow furrowing. He’s about to reply to Dee when Dennis cuts him off.

“Y’ shouldn’t… do that, y’know” Dennis prods Mac in the chest with one finger. Mac immediately looks down, his anger fading into an inquisitive look.

“What’s that, Dennis?” Mac asks, genuinely curious.

“Your face, it gets all…..squished up….. when it’s mad……….s’not as pretty.”

Mac gawks at him slightly, mouth agape.

Distantly Dennis hears Charlie squeal “Oh shit” in that urgent, high-pitched tone of his.

Dee narrows her eyes, pausing for a moment before asking  “Are we sure he doesn’t have a concussion?”

Mac’s still staring speechlessly down at Dennis, who’s still peering up at Mac’s face with an almost cartoonish look of concentration on his own face.

“Your eyes are pretty though…….they’re always pretty…..” Dennis hiccups here, “s’like they’re brown but they’re not brown……they’ve got these flecks of gold and there’s green around the rim. Like the edge of a…a big muddy  puddle…” Dennis finishes, solemnly.

Mac shakes his head, apparently  snapping himself out of whatever trance he was in, and  laughing.

“Okay, Robert Frost, let’s  get you home,” he readjusts his grip on Dennis’s waist, so Dennis’s weight is resting more securely against him. “Charlie, can you grab his sweater for me?”

Dennis yawns into Mac’s shoulder as Charlie hurries to get Dennis’s pull-over sweater from where it’s hanging by the door.

“‘M tired.”

“I know buddy, we’ll be home soon, then you can rest,” Mac grabs the sweater from Charlie.

“Arms up now,” Mac mutters, soothingly, holding the sweater over Dennis’s head, and working Dennis’s arms into the sleeves as gently as possible, “that’s a good boy.”

“There,” Mac proclaims, smiling proudly once Dennis is fully donning the garment “Good to go.”

Mac starts steering Dennis toward the door, when he notices Dennis stopping, not moving with him quite as easily. Mac frowns, finding Dennis stood looking at him with an odd, indiscernible look on his face.

“You okay, dude?”

“Mac…Mac….you’re so nice…even when….. I’m not that nice to you………why are you….so nice to me?”

Mac snorts, incredulously, like the question had never even occurred to him, like there was never another alternative.

“You’re my best friend, dude,” Mac replies, simply, cheerily “someone’s gotta make sure you  don’t pass out in your own puke, and that’s gonna  be me.”

Suddenly, Dennis’s face breaks out in a giddy, knowing smile.

“Oh dude. It’s because you love me…..” Dennis giggles, delightedly, playing  absently with the collar of Mac’s shirt “it’s because you toootttttalllllly love me dude!”

Mac’s entire body tenses against Dennis , and his face goes blank, shooting  an anxious glance back  at the rest of the gang, who are watching on like they’re watching a car crash in slow motion.

Mac takes a moment, clears his throat, before making to move them toward the door again.

“Anyway, we really should be going..” Mac starts in a strained voice, before Dennis cuts him off.

“You wanna know a secret?” Dennis asks, in what he probably thinks is a whisper, but really is loud enough that the whole gang can hear, leaning close to Mac’s face, eyes wide and so honest Mac can’t help but give a genuine response, the tension slowly draining from his face.

“It’s like… it’s a  secret …okay?” Dennis starts, entirely seriously looking at Mac for validation. Mac nods solemnly, clearly eager for Dennis to get whatever’s going on off of his chest so they can finally get going.

“It’s a secret because…I know you don’t think I do….but I love you too.” Dennis giggles deliriously, like he’s just told a human truth so poignant, so groundbreaking, he can’t quite believe it himself.

Mac’s jaw hits the floor, catches Dee’s eye, who by now has gone completely white. Charlie and Frank exchange startled glances.

“Holy shit,” Frank swears.

***

The first thing Dennis is aware of upon waking is the weight of what feelings like a bowling ball bearing down on his forehead. The second is that something about the situation is different, out of place. Even with his eyes closed, Dennis can sense the abrasive late morning sunlight pressing heavily against his eyelids, which wouldn’t be strange, except for the fact that Dennis tends to keeps his blinds closed, curtains drawn to prevent exactly these types of occurrences. It’s once he opens his eyes that Dennis realizes exactly why the situation feels strange.

He’s in Mac’s room, still on top of the covers, but under an old fleece throw that he thinks Mac’s had since high school. Dennis eyes his surroundings warily, still struggling to get his bearings, and notices his jeans and shirt folded and piled neatly on a chair next to Mac’s bed, his sneakers set on the ground in front of them. Further inspection reveals he’s still in his boxers and wearing a large,  worn t-shirt that Dennis thinks he recognizes as one of Mac’s usual sleep shirts, from the mornings he’d trudge into the kitchen first thing, hair wild and face soft (from the particularly rough nights, the nights when sleep wouldn’t come and  Dennis would relent and climb into Mac’s bed and burrow into the space between his arms, sliding his hand under the soft fabric to rest against the small of Mac’s back).

Mac. Dennis’s heart plummets into his stomach as he recalls flashes of the prior evening; Mac’s hands gentle on his shoulders, his arms, as he helped Dennis into his jacket. The faint smell of Mac’s cologne mixed with sweat as Dennis leaned heavily into his shoulder. Mac, sitting him on the edge of the bed getting to his knees in front of him to untie his laces, help him out of  his shoes. The indescribable, indecipherable look on Mac’s face when Dennis had said….

Dennis jolts upward on the bed, feeling the bile rising in his throat, thinking, for a moment. he’s going to get sick all over Mac’s blankets and pillows, right here in front of God and all of his saints, and the statue of Jesus on the  cross that’s currently staring him down from his position on Mac’s dresser.

The first thing Dennis notices when he emerges from Mac’s bedroom is the smell of slightly burnt toast, mingling with freshly brewed coffee. He glances over at the living room couch, noting a cocoon of blankets and a single pillow on the sofa. Where Mac must have slept, he thinks, absently.

Stepping  gingerly into the kitchen, he spots Mac at the stove, back to him as he works his spatula across a pan of what appears to be scrambled eggs, one of the few foods Mac knows that Dennis will eat when he’s having a bad eating day or extremely hungover. It’s when Mac pauses in his ministrations to snatch the toast out of the toaster that he notices Dennis standing across from him, eyes unfocused and blinking, looking small and disoriented in Mac’s big t-shirt.

“Hey,” Mac offers softly, giving Dennis a small smile, guarded but sincere. Dennis manages a weak smile back, desperately wishing, suddenly,  he’d had the presence of mine to run a comb through his hair, at least, done something, anything,  to make himself look slightly less like death warmed over.

There’s a cup of coffee accompanied by a glass of orange juice and a bottle of aspirin out on the table in the place where Dennis usually sits, and Dennis slowly makes his way over to his chair, gulping down the aspirin and juice gratefully as Mac places plates of scrambled eggs and toast at the center of the table. Mac stops to pour himself a cup of coffee, before sliding into the chair across from Dennis.

Dennis is quiet, sipping cautiously from his own mug. The fact that the coffee is fixed up exactly to his liking (a splash of french vanilla creamer, one sugar) doesn’t escape his notice. Something in his chest aches for reasons he can’t explain, and when he puts his mug back down on the table, he finds Mac’s eyes already on him.

“You should eat, you know,” Mac offers, matter-of-factly, “it’s the only cure to a hangover. The grease from the eggs neutralizes all of the alcohol in your stomach, and makes you feel more better.”

Dennis raises an eyebrow,  looking skeptically back at Mac, but Mac looks so earnest, so concerned, that he helps himself to a spoonful of eggs and a piece of toast with only  minimal grumbling. Dennis can still feel Mac watching him, and under his open, searching gaze, Dennis feels flushed and clumsy, suddenly, staring resolutely at his plate.

“Dennis,” Mac starts, and the tone of his voice is almost unbearably gentle, like he’s trying to sooth a spooked horse, and one misstep might cause Dennis to run as quickly as possible in the opposite direction. “I think we have to  talk about this.”

Dennis laughs, not necessarily cruelly, but as if what Mac had just proposed was truly absurd. He’s trying to avoid direct eye contact, but he doesn’t miss the flash of hurt laced with confusion that crosses Mac’s face. He wants to apologize, suddenly, but for what exactly, he isn’t sure. Instead, he shovels a forkful of runny eggs into his mouth instead, silently willing himself not to gag  as his stomach lurches in protest.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous. Pass me the jam.”

Dennis was attempting to deflect, to intimidate Mac into stopping the conversation before it even started, but he knows his voice comes out choked and thin. Mac, for his part, doesn’t appear ready to give up so easily. Dennis is using his fork to pick at his food, almost aggressively, but  stills his movements as Mac reaches careful across the small table to softly, softly, set rest his hand on top of the fist Dennis has formed around his fork in a death grip. Dennis stares, helplessly, at the places where the tips of Mac’s fingers rest gently against the back of his knuckles. Mac’s voice gets somehow softer.

“Den, it’s just me. Please, talk to me”

Dennis pulls his hand back like it’s been burned, fork clattering to the ground, Mac watching on, mouth slightly agape in confusion.

“Fuck, Mac,”  Dennis rubs the back of his hand wearily across his eyes, barking out a weak, deflated sort of chuckle.

When Mac speaks next, it’s evenly and with great effort, his voice heavy with sadness.

“You say you love me, and then you push me away, or say you hate me and don’t want me near you or whatever. I don’t know what to do, man” Mac’s voice breaks, here, and something does a somersault in Dennis’s chest. “I don’t know what to do to make you happy.”

Dennis sees red.

“You want to know what the funniest part is?” Dennis starts, before he can stop himself. “Do you know what’s the most hilarious thing about this entire goddamn  dumpster fire of a situation? You always say I don’t do anything for you.”

Dennis pauses, shaking his head on a deep inhale, before finally lifting his gaze to lock eyes with Mac.

“Dennis,” Mac breathes out, feeling like he’s suffocating, like Dennis had sucked the breath right out of his lungs.

“But this entire time, I was doing it for you. It was all for you. And you fucking ruined it!”

There’s a beat where everything’s silent, and a cold wave panic crashes over Dennis, as he watches Mac struggle to digest his words.

“I’m sorry…I…. I really don’t know what you’re talking about- ,” Mac starts, helplessly, eyes wide and sincere, and the earnestness there, the genuine desire to understand what’s going on in Dennis’s head is too much; like almost everything about Mac and the way he makes Dennis feel,  it has always been too much.

Dennis snorts abruptly, and it comes out less derisive and more incredulous, more  a cry of distress, like a wild animal realizing he’s caged and cornered on all sides.

“Of course you don’t understand. Why would you understand? I’ve spent the past 25 goddamn years being who I thought you wanted me to be!”

At this, Mac looks even more bemused, looking up at  Dennis like a kicked, puppy while Dennis continues, starting to pace  the length of the floor next to the table, the words spilling from his mouth one after another before he even knows what he’s going to say next, before he can stop himself

“You think you changed who you were at your core? You’re the one who made me change. All these years…I pretended you’re straight, pretended that I couldn’t see this thing that’s been going on between us since the first goddamn day we met. Do you really think that made me happy? You think that’s what I wanted?”

Dennis runs his hands wildly through his hair as he paces faster, tugging on the ends over and over.

“Living with you was like living with a fucking time bomb I spent years trying not to set off, because you were so convinced whatever you felt for men…whatever you felt for me must be so goddamn sinful, so disgusting, that you’d rather spend your life  pretending to be someone you’re not than owning up to the truth.”

Mac is standing now too, hands spread helplessly in front of him like he wants to touch Dennis, calm him, somehow, but doesn’t know how. Dennis stops pacing and sighs, leaning heavily against the table, shoulders heaving. His voice shakes when he speaks.

“I never thought you’d do it, man. Come out…. Stay out. Not for me, and not for a fucking lottery scratcher, that’s for goddamn sure.”

When Dennis catches Mac’s eyes, they’re wide and wet around the edges. He gives Mac a sad smile.

“And the sad fucking thing is, even then, even after I knew I was never going to be worth it to you, even after I tried to move on again and again,” Dennis pauses, laughing a little bit like he can’t believe the words himself “I still came back. Isn’t that pathetic?”

“Dennis,” Mac walks, very slowly, toward him, not breaking eye contact. Dennis can count the freckles on the tip of his nose. You can’t see them, if you’re not up close.

It’s only once Mac traces  the pad of his thumb across Dennis’s cheek and it comes away wet that Dennis realizes he’s been crying. Dennis is instantly hot with embarrassment,  trying to turn away and hide, bury his face in his own shoulder. But Mac’s hands don’t let go of his face, and before he realizes what’s happening, Mac’s got his own forehead pressed lightly up against his. Choking back a sob, Dennis feels more vulnerable, somehow more exposed now  than he’s ever felt in his life even though they’re fully clothed and barely touching.

“Dennis,” Mac exhales, so quiet it’s barely a word. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

Slowly, cautiously, Dennis winds his arms around Mac’s torso, letting his hands rest flat against the fabric covering his shoulder blades.

“Dennis, you don’t need to pretend anymore.”

#macdennis #Anonymous #macdennis fic #iasip #iasip fic #my fic #my writing #this is a lot longer than i intended lol #mac mcdonald #dennis reynolds #purrreee self indulgence

[lilyjcollins-news]

Lily Collins - Carita Rizzo.

Usually the words “celebrity” and “unfiltered” indicate a series of explicit photos, the involvement of a tabloid magazine and a juicy exposé. Not for Lily Collins. The 27-year-old (turning 28 on March 18) English-American actress’ first book, Unfiltered: No Shame, No Regrets, Just Me. ($14, Harper Collins), which releases March 7, is an honest look at the person behind the public persona and the glamour of the silver screen. But those salivating at the thought of behind-the-scenes gossip may want to simmer down. This is not a tell-all. In her debut essay collection, the actress pens a poignant, honest conversation about things young women struggle with, including body image, self-confidence and relationships. Nevertheless, Collins has jitters. “I’m anxious,” admits the petite actress, looking impeccable in black Paige jeans, Stuart Weitzman suede boots and a loose white Tularosa top.

Her nerves are understandable. The last time we chatted with Collins about her award-nominated turn in Warren Beatty’s Rules Don’t Apply, she said: “Keep private whatever you hold dear,” a reasonable mantra in a celebrity-obsessed world where privacy is hard to come by. Now, she’s about to willingly open the door to some of her deepest secrets, from her yearslong battle with eating disorders to an emotionally abusive relationship.

“I still believe that,” she says, when reminded of her mantra. “But these are things that I felt I wanted to put out there. Not necessarily so people know that I experienced them, but to create, hopefully, a space for more open conversation about the topics I discuss.” And some things are still off limits: “When I talk about relationships, I don’t reveal any details about it or names because that is not important. That was not the point of why I was going there.”

Collins’ life has certainly appeared charmed from its inception. The daughter of English musician Phil Collins and American Jill Tavelman was born in England and moved to Los Angeles at the age of 6. Collins has always been a self-starter. She cold-called magazine editors as a teenager, which landed her a column in ELLE Girl UK, and initially pursued a career in broadcast journalism before her role in The Blind Sidetook her on a different path. Leading roles in Mirror Mirror; Love, Rosie; and The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones followed, but it is in the past year or so that Collins’ career has really hit its stride, with Rules Don’t Apply (for which she received a Golden Globe nomination); the upcoming Amazon series The Last Tycoon, based on F. Scott Fitzgerald’s last book about 1930s Hollywood; the Netflix original film Okja, in which she stars alongside Jake Gyllenhaal and Tilda Swinton; and To the Bone, which premiered in January at Sundance to rave reviews and was purchased by Netflix for $8 million. Even her colleagues can’t stop gushing over her. “She’s very much in charge of her life and her professional life in a way that I think is really admirable,” says her Rules Don’t Apply co-star Annette Bening, who refers to Collins as a “badass” who “has her sh*t together.”

Yet despite a successful career and her Audrey Hepburn-ish looks, the actress was anxious to reveal she is susceptible to the same feelings of inadequacy and insecurity as the young women who look up to her. “What really inspired me to write the book is that I was getting all these young girls interacting with me on my Instagram, and they would tell me their stories about what they’d gone through, but they would always add in there that they didn’t think I could understand because I’m an actress,” she says. “And I thought, ‘Oh, my God. You have no idea.’”

Collins understands them better than most. Her intense struggle with body image started at age 16 and continued in ebbs and flows for 10 years. And right as she was revisiting her own harrowing journey with eating disorders for the sake of sharing her story, To the Bone—Marti Noxon’s script about an anorexic girl confronting her addiction—happened to come her way. “When I read the script, and I knew what the story was about, there was a slight hesitation at first because it’s something that’s very close to me,” says Collins. “You have to re-enter that mindset.”

In the end, her deep understanding of this character won out and the ability to revisit the struggles of her youth with the help of a nutritionist and a support system is an experience Collins calls “the best form of therapy.” She adds: “I think most people will assume the movie experience was probably hell, and it wasn’t at all. It was one of the most fun, freeing experiences I’ve had. Within playing Ellen, I got to come to terms with a lot myself. That was a proud moment for me.”

Collins also credits her ambassadorship with Lancôme as grounding her among an incredible set of women, including Kate Winslet, Julia Roberts, Lupita Nyong’o, Penélope Cruz and Isabella Rossellini. “It’s the most inspiring group of women,” she says. “We do amazing work with making women feel good in their own skin and enhancing their inner beauty.” Collins is grateful the company’s message encourages what she has always been passionate about encouraging within young women.

Admittedly, the hardest chapter for Collins to put down on paper is the one in which she sheds light on a long-term relationship during which she experienced an incredible amount of emotional abuse. “For a long time, I wanted to shy away from talking about that experience,” she admits. “But it’s a part of my story, and it’s a part of how I interact in relationships with friends, with family and in romantic situations. And to write all that stuff down, and to then say it out loud, made it so much more real. And it actually made me feel strong because I’d moved through that, and I’d moved past that. And I’ve learned so much more about myself and about what I deserve or how I deserve to be treated.”

She offers no details on who this man might be, but hints that any cross-referencing with her public relationships might be a fruitless exercise. “It’s funny because I think everyone’s going to assume certain people I talk about are famous people, but they’re not,” she says. “Just because I kept people anonymous doesn’t mean that people would have known who they were anyway.”

There is, however, one man in her life she cannot keep anonymous. “I couldn’t not talk about my parents in this story, obviously,” she smiles. In her book, Collins reveals to readers that her father’s absence took a toll on their relationship. “It’s hard when that person isn’t around a lot,” she says. “I have amazing memories of being able to travel and being able to have family all over the world. Were there things that would have been nice probably to experience as a family? Of course. But it didn’t happen that way. And I’m me for a reason. I mean, everything that happened made me who I am.”

Collins addresses these feelings in an emotional letter addressed to her father. “That was a hard chapter to write because he is public. It’s a weird situation to be in, to be writing about someone that people already know, but they don’t know my experience with [him],” she says. “I am just a daughter talking to her dad, and I think that a letter felt appropriate because it can be translated to any relationship with daughters and dads. As a girl, you always want them to see you as their little girl, and you’re always going to need them and want them. And even if you say you don’t, you really do.”

It feels oddly comfortable delving so deep into one somber topic after another with the actress, perhaps because Collins radiates such peace with herself. Hers is a lesson that even the seemingly most impenetrable package comes with some fragility. After opening up about her experiences, Collins says she feels truly unleashed. “I think it’s allowed me to let go a lot more,” she admits. “I kept hearing from certain directors or people in my life, ‘You should just let go more. Let go more.’ And I said, ‘What does that mean? I am free!’ or ‘I am letting go!’ But I realized I was holding on to a lot. And the second I put it out there, I could just kind of live and breathe in the moment.”

She now dreams of starting a family, but is in no rush—especially since there is currently no man in the picture. “I’m in a relationship with myself,” she quips. “I think a lot of young girls should do that. I think it’s important to figure out you and to have fun and to be dating and to figure out what you like and what you don’t like. It’s what growing up is all about.”

Besides, right now, her focus is on work and living life to the fullest. “I want to keep doing what I love to do,” she says. “Last year, I would never have said, ‘This year, I’m going to shoot a TV pilot, three movies and finish a book.’ Never, would I ever have thought it was possible. So I want to keep being terrified to try new things. That’s what pushes you beyond your limits—and to never take any of it for granted.”

Photography by Andrew Eccles | Styling by Jordan Johnson and Jill Lincoln//Photo Assistants: Jason Johnson and Tarik Richards | Digital Tech: Maxwell Tiggas.

vía caritarizzo.

#lily collins #interview

[chrismaverickdotcom]

And the Oscar goes to ... Sam Elliott?!?!? (an A Star Is Born review)

It’s all about the supporting actor…

I happened to check in on Facebook at the movie theater when I went to see the new remake of A Star Is Born and I got an interesting comment from a friend of my wife’s that it “doesn’t seem your type of movie.” I found that funny. If you really know me, you might guess that this is exactly my type of movie. For one thing… it’s a movie… and I’ll watch pretty much any movie. But that said, we’re definitely moving into Oscar season now, and this movie had Oscar bait all over it.

And I love Oscar bait.

And that’s what this was… in the best possible way. It was a heavy, melodramatic love story with two strong leads who were acting their asses off. It was touching. It was poignant. I laughed, I cried, it became a part of me. This is a movie made for one person, and his name is Oscar. The only thing that could have made this more Oscar bait is if it had been a biopic. Though honestly, as the fourth version of this story (three of which are good), in a lot of ways, it might as well have been a biopic. And it turns out I really like Oscar bait movies. In fact, I’m far more likely to go see them than Stephanie is. But this was SO baity that she was looking forward to it too. I don’t think she was disappointed.

This is Bradley Cooper’s directorial debut, and he kind of knocks it out of the park while also serving as the male lead. I don’t think he’ll be getting a nomination for acting on this one… and if he does, he won’t be winning. It’s not the right kind of role. For one he’s directing (and doing a great job of it, I don’t know that he’ll get a nomination for it, but he’ll be in the conversation), but two, even though he’s auspiciously the male lead, he is for all intents and purposes a supporting character for the force of nature that is Ally (Lady Gaga) in this. And frankly, that’s how it should be for this role. It’s their story, yes… but it is very much her story and his job in the film is give her situations to shine in. And she does. She’s essentially the only female character in the film and she carries it. Early front runner for an Oscar nomination. And she deserves it.

The actual supporting cast is very strong as well, despite the fact that they’re all basically playing stock characters. First of all, there’s Andrew Dice Clay — who someone apparently taught to act recently — as Gaga’s father. He was great. The standard character that is Dice disappeared he becomes Lorenzo, a completely believable would-be wise-guy Jersey father that is 100% necessary to the film because he exists to tell you exactly who Ally is and why. Every time he steps on screen and says something, and you compare him to her, you go “yep, I get it.” He’s helped along here by Ramon (Anthony Ramos), Ally’s token gay friend. Ramos does a fine job here, but he doesn’t really have a meaty enough role to be worth it. He’s mostly just a sounding board for Ally and an Exposition Lass (I guess exposition lad, but I’ve gotten so used to referring to that character as Exposition Lass, that it feels weird not to). Next, we have Dave Chappelle who plays one of the best instantiations of the magical negro ever. This is a movie about fame… the struggles of fame… the power of fame… the trial of fame. Chappelle is theoretically there as an old musician friend of Jackson’s (Cooper) named Noodles… but really, he’s mostly there to play Dave Chappelle. His job is to pause the movie and provide the moral in magical negro style — to tell you that fame and life are not the same thing and each can get in the way of the other. In any other movie, from any other actor, this could have derailed the whole thing. Combining this film with Chappelle as the vehicle for that message makes it feel sincere and natural. Because he’s able to feel the concept so fully, and the audience can get away from the honesty of the fact that he’s really talking about himself, It just kind of works.

Finally, there’s Sam Elliott, as Jackson’s much older brother and manager, Bobby. I’m pretty sure that Elliott sat down recently and said to himself “well, fuck… I’m 74. If I’m going to win and Oscar, I guess now is the time” and then he went and out just did the fucking thing… he is GREAT. If you want to learn what “supporting actor” means, that’s him in this role. He is by no means the star of the movie, but this is HIS movie. It ultimately rises and falls on his performance because he is essentially a microcosm of one of the ultimate themes of the movie.

I’m going to more or less do this without spoilers, but to say that, well, this is a remake of a movie from 1937, that has been remade two other times besides that… so really, if you don’t know the story already…. well, get some culture. But the central theme of the film is about the fleeting nature of fame and the way that one person’s career may build on and ultimately eclipse the careers of those that they are connected to. Ally’s star is on the rise, while Jackson’s star is falling. The film is about Ally. Everything that happens with Jackson is about the steps it takes to get her to where she so going. This is pretty clear metatextually as you can kind of see Cooper step back his performance to allow Gaga to shine (and seriously… she does… so brightly). In the same way, you see Clay and Ramos build her up and Chappelle and Elliott do the same Cooper, if only so he can provide a performance for Gaga to build off of. Finally, in what for me was the most poignant scene of the film Bobby and Ally have a moment together where Gaga, the actress, has to step aside to allow Elliott, the actor, space to let Bobby, the character, support Ally, the character. Like I said, it’s very meta… but when you see the movie. It’s all about that scene. And that scene crushes it. Elliott deserves an award for those two minutes alone. `

Anyway, another friend asked if he could only see one movie this week, should it be this one or Venom. This is always impossible for me to answer as a critic. Not every movie is for everyone. If you’re a person who just loves superhero movies, then this is not for you. But that said, if you’re a lover of film, it should absolutely be this one. This will be in the Best Picture conversation.

★★★★¼ (4.25 out of 5 stars)

And the Oscar goes to … Sam Elliott?!?!? (an A Star Is Born review) was originally published on ChrisMaverick dotcom

#A Star Is Born #Andrew Dice Clay #Anthony Ramos #Best Supporting Actor #Bradley Cooper #Dave Chappelle #Lady Gaga #Sam Elliott

[cdyssey]

Once Rewatch: Snow Falls, 1x03

“You’re a... girl?!”

“Woman.”

And then she clocks David upside the face with a big rock.

Now this is start of a beautiful pair. :’)

Omg, I’d forgotten that MM had gone on a date with Whale.

Talk about awkward.

Hm, I also think I’ll do some Whale analysis here as well. He’s arrogant, misogynistic, and kind of spineless when it comes to dealing with forces more powerful than himself. I think this is a great interpretation of source material, lol.

Bc if we’re being honest here, Victor Frankenstein is a whiny college dropout, a prototypical incel who probably passed biology but severely failed ethics.

I’m not crying—there’s just some Snowing in my eye.

On a related note, Isham’s swelling score is particularly powerful here; he amps up the suspense perfectly.

I love Once’s retcon of the name Prince Charming; it works so much better as an ironic moniker.

Snow: “True love? It doesn’t exist. It’s all arranged marriages and business transactions.” (1) So in my writeup on the pilot, I wrote something to the effect that Snow is less vulnerable to optimism than David is, that she’s long been disillusioned about the possibility for happy endings. I think this quote backs that sentiment up quite nicely. (2) I know A&E probably haven’t figured out the logistics of Regina and Leopold by this point, but even still, this quote very well applies to their farce of a marriage. (Snow’s cognition and/or ignorance of this is such a rich place to explore in fic.)

Emma (talking about Regina): Where does she think you are anyway?

Henry: Playing Whack-a-Mole.

Emma: And she bought that?

Henry: She wants to believe it, so she does.

This exchange is funny but also purty revealing, even if Henry doesn’t quite know it. Regina desperately wants things between them to return back to normal, so when Henry tells her that he’s off doing something normal, that he’s returning to his old habits of playing games and having fun and not becoming Storybooke’s new junior sleuth, she’s more than ready to take his word at face value.

Side-by-side, Ginny and Jared look so much alike, and I love that. <3 They also share a buoyant, youthful kind of energy when they play off each other. So I hereby headcanon that Snow and Henry, post-uh-everything, are always going out on mini-adventures together. With their combined imaginations and mutual penchants for curiosity, this grandmother-grandson can make even the most mundane of grocery runs into something like a hunt for buried treasure.

Regina: “Now you’re lying to me?” A simple question which cues us in on lying being a v. new trait that has surfaced in Henry. The psychology of it is pretty logical. She lied to him, and now he’s reciprocating the favor, both of them unable to trust each other at this point.

So Regina says that she found David lying on the side of the road somewhere and that she brought him to the hospital. Whale supports this statement and claims that she saved his life by this act. Assuming that this is true, then I’m reminded of that popular meta which essentially proposed that the Evil Queen rarely, if ever, made a move that would deeply or permanently harm Snow. Theoretically, Regina could have left him on the side of the road to die, could have dealt Snow an irreparable amount of damage without so much as lifting a finger... but she didn’t. #SnowQueen

“Enjoy my shirt... because that’s all you’re getting.” SJKhdsha. 

I like to think that Emma kept the shirt, and every once and while, she pulls it on just so she can mock a v. embarrassed Regina. “Hey, Regina, what was it you said to me again? You know, back when you wore a lot of dark eyeliner and had a giant stick up your—” “Oh, shut up, Miss Swan.”

Lolol, I love how Storybrooke’s hospital is apparently bordered by the woods. That’s some reaaaaally safe architectural planning there.

Snow wants to go somewhere “isolated, where she can never get hurt,” and in the context of the entire show, I hurt to fully comprehend that Snow’s young life was a hellhole. Her parents were killed, she’s forced out of her kingdom and into exile by a vengeful witch, and now, as a bandit, her existence, for all its flux, is constantly defined by paranoia and fear and cynicism and... well... guilt.

In the grand scheme of things, I think we sometimes forget about Snow.

How much she’s endured.

How much she’s suffered.

Snow: She blames me for ruining her life.

David: Did you?

Snow: [Pausing, thinking, her voice hard and wistful.] Yes.

This is a great beat because it further emphasizes that this isn’t your Disneyfied version of Snow White and the Evil Queen.

There’s no such thing as black and white morality in the world of Once Upon A Time.

The Evil Queen wasn’t always evil.

Snow White was not always as pure as the color of her name.

It’s complicated.

They both are.

MM: “Henry told me that you were from a similar situation to his own?” Honestly, beyond the fact that they were both adopted, I don’t think comparing Henry and Emma’s situations is exactly... apt. Emma bounced around from foster home to foster home and had to deal with the fact that she was ‘abandoned’ by her parents. Henry was given up by Emma to receive his best possible chance at life, and accordingly, he grew up in a mansion with a—as we’ll come to find out—loving mother. 

But, lol, that’s not the point the show’s trying to make here. Point is, Emma is a lost kid, and she’s trying so hard to make sure that Henry doesn’t end up being one as well. Plus, it’s heartbreakingly ironic that the very person she’s been trying to find is standing right next to her.

Oh, Kathryn, you have a v. painful arc coming up.

You know, had I been in the OUAT fandom when Ginny and Josh announced that they were together, that would have been the end of me.

The chemistry between these two is incomparable.

Like, I know it’s for the aesthetic™, but this bag is so impractical for the life Snow lives, lololol. 

Had to include these iconic lines.

Regina: We’ll talk about your insubordination later. Do you know what insubordination means?

Henry: [Shakes his head.]

Regina: It means you’re grounded.

Good God—Kathryn’s fake backstory is so intricate and moving. (Also, I love Anastasia Griffith. She really portrays the duality of Abigail/Kathryn well.)

“Because all of this has reminded me of something, oh, so very important... how grateful I am to have Henry.”

“Because not having somebody... well, that’s the worst curse imaginable.”

Lana Parrilla has no right giving such a nuanced performance of what should have been a one-dimension villain.

But that’s why we love her.

Over the course of the seasons, we learned that the curse backfired on Regina. Sure, everyone was miserable, but so was she... and at least her victims weren’t even cognizant of the fact that they were cursed. Heck, in that sense, they had it better than she did.

So in exacting her perfect revenge, Regina only deepened the void inside of her, drove herself to an emptiness like no other she has felt before.

By the time Greg and Owen showed up, it was nearly unbearable.

And then... she adopted Henry.

And suddenly, she wasn’t alone anymore.

Without Henry, her life is but a void, an emptiness, a nothingness of her own design, and right now, Emma Swan is a perceived threat to the tenuous solace she has carved out for herself these past ten years.

What Regina doesn’t understand is that she’s the real threat.

She’s the one who is ultimately pushing Henry away.

Okay, y’all aren’t allowed to make eye-contact anymore. 😭

:’)

I think I can safely say that “Snow Falls” is one of the most tightly written and acted episodes in the series. On an architectural level, the dialogue parallels were especially poignant, and the sentimental moments were well chosen. For instance, concluding the episode on this sweet, tender moment between Emma and Mary Margaret is an expert choice that ameliorates the Snowing pathos we’re currently feeling. Theatrically, it’s the little nuances that make “Snow Falls” so great: JMO’s uncomfortable vulnerability as Emma talks about her history with MM, the mutual attractions of Snow and David that surface in meaningful glances expertly affected by Ginny and Josh, the softnesses Lana and Anastasia imbue their hardened characters with.

Just really wonderful stuff all around.

#sorry I was late with this one #work... is... exhausting #i really want to try to write tomorrow #watching fairytales #reginianwrites #s: ouat #once upon a time

[panickedpansexualprincess]

I don't dislike Tilde per se. I liked her a lot in TSS. She was strong and took ownership of her sexuality. But in TGC I think she was unneeded and unbelievable. She turned Eggsy into a prince/kept boy, forced him out of a career he loved, was a drug user, and manipulated him to propose/marry her. Not the signs of a good person or a healthy relationship. Still I'd never post hate for her in any of the tags. I just wish everyone would tag for her and her relationships so blacklist can catch it.

I appreciate that you don’t intend to post any hate for Tilde. I can also see why you might feel the way you do about her. I don’t think it’s near that cut and dry, though, to be perfectly honest. And, since you messaged me about it, I assume that you’re open to talking about it all, so I’ll be frank.

Although, haha, before I start the frank part, I’ll say that while I don’t tag individual characters, that’s not part of my tagging system, I do tag my Kingsman ships, so I can rec that if you want to block them, you might want to block ‘Royal Eggs,’ ‘Royal Hartwin,’ ‘Royal Merwin,’ and ‘Royal Merhartwin.’ Those are the ship names I’m using and the ones I’ve seen others use.

Okay. The frank, thoughtful bits now.

I was mildly unsure about Tilde on my first watch through. Mostly because yeah, okay, the most likely reason they wrote her in was to give Eggsy a heterosexual relationship, in an attempt to try and avoid slash ships. Which, is kind of funny, because good lord the Hartwin overtones are insane in TGC, far more so than I ever picked up from TSS. It’s like, they wrote Eggsy into a het relationship, and then ramped up the gay to about five thousand. And I’m saying that as someone who doesn’t ship Hartwin as my main ship, cause my main ship is Merwin, but lord in heaven was the Hartwin strong in this movie. So, uh. Guys, guys, mixed signals here. XD

(Which is why I just figure he’s bi. Or pan. Or somewhere around there in the inbetween. XD)

That said, I didn’t stay unsure for long. Mostly because, well, A. the idiots already fridged one of our strong ladies because wtf (and she’s not dead, dammit, I refuse), so I am going to happily embrace Tilde for the wonderful lady she is- and she is a strong woman in her own right, as we know from TSS. B. I was insanely happy that if they were going to pair Eggsy off with a lady, at least it wasn’t Roxy, because good lord no please no. By which I mean, with no disrespect towards people who ship Roxy/Eggsy, they are my NOTP/BROTP, and I just. No. Let Roxy and Eggsy have their broship, pls. C. I was actually really happy to see her back as more than just a sex joke. Which I know a lot of people tried to reduce her to one in TSS, and just. No. D. Poly ships. I love me some poly ships, because I wholeheartedly believe the human heart can love more than one person, so yeah, okay Eggsy loves Tilde. Got it. Doesn’t mean he can’t still love Harry, or Merlin, or anyone else. Embrace the poly ships! I do!

So. My doubts were soothed, and I dived happily into accepting Tilde and her relationship with Eggsy. Which brings me to your concerns.

I’m going to hit the ‘drug user’ bit first. Which is a big issue, and a sticky one. Now I say this as someone who, until this year, had never touched any drugs ever. Which, I broke my record this year, once, because it’s one possible treatment for some of my health issues, and when I tried it, I just went. Eh, this does nothing, whatever, I’m good, thanks anyway. So I have no connection to drugs, or affinity for them. But I’m a firm believer in the freedom of choice, especially when it comes to a person’s own body, and one of my beliefs is that the government really needs to butt out of trying to control what people do with their own bodies. Which means I’m actually pro legalization of drugs. Which was really kind of odd/funny, because I agreed with some of the things Poppy said in the movie. Which sounds a lot worse than I mean, haha.

It’s. Kind of a point, in the movie. Poppy is, of course, a psychopath and completely in the wrong with everything she was doing, but. She wasn’t wrong about some of the things she said. Like, the commentary she makes to Charlie, re: sugar vs cocaine. It’s also kind of a big thing if you look at Fox: she argues with Not!Trump about how not all drug users are the bad criminal types people stereotypically associate with drugs. Fox makes the rather poignant point that she uses whatever it is she uses to help her get through life, because frankly, working for Not!Trump is a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Champ makes the point too, and Ginger, when they talk about Tequila; he’s a good man, a good Statesman, he just has a bit of a wild side. Additionally, if you read the book, it very poignantly hits on the people who use drugs medicinally, to deal with things like cancer and mental health issues, but who are affected by the Blue Rash because of where they got their medicine from. And let me tell you, that was a point that hit kind of hard in my house, because none of us are neurotypical, and if our doctor prescribed it to use, marijuana could actually be a medicine for some of us. And we are, ironically, in Kentucky, not even two hours away from Louisville where the Statesman are based, and bills to legalize medicinal marijuana have been proposed here as recently as January of this year.

So what I mean by that long ass paragraph is. Being a drug user isn’t necessarily a bad thing. And that’s a point that is specifically raised in the narrative in the movie. Because yeah, Poppy is fucking batshit crazy, but her end goal of legalizing drugs? Isn’t batshit crazy. Which is why Not!Trump and Whiskey end up firmly in the Bad Guy camp, because they’re willing to condemn billions of people to death for something that’s not necessarily bad.

So does Tilde use drugs in TGC? Yes, of course, she gets the blue rash. We see her light up. Am I going to condemn her for that? No. She smokes something in a moment when she is under extreme stress and upset. That’s her choice, for her body. And that single use isn’t enough to show us if she uses it irresponsibly, or if she’s out of control with it. I’d actually assume that if she was out of control in her drug usage, Eggsy wouldn’t be with her. As he points out, he grew up in a place where drugs destroyed lives; I highly doubt he would be with someone who was destroying their life with drugs. I’ll also point out that he doesn’t actually seem concerned with her usage. He’s scared as hell that she has the disease, but he never condemns her usage or seems against it.

Alright. So the manipulating him into proposing bit. Hoo boy. I understand where you’re coming from. It was a thought I had in the theatre myself, while watching the first time. However, after a lot of thought, I don’t think that’s what’s going on here.

I’ll say flat out; I think that bit is a bit of shoddy writing. I think it was unnecessary, and that it should have logically been something Eggsy and Tilde would have already discussed, considering that honeypots are something they were trained on during training. They were told to get to know Lady Sophie biblically, remember? Which, yeah, turned out to be a ruse for the train test, but it was definitely something they were trained for.

But, the fact that I think it’s shoddy writing aside; it has been pointed out to me, when I was pondering it, that it could very likely be something they hadn’t discussed yet because their relationship, while almost a year along in TGC, had kind of a jump start with both of them suffering from. Issues. You know, being held captive, having just lost his mentor, and they kind of jumped into it headlong, and probably missed some big discussions that they should have had, but didn’t. So we’re looking at this as;

Tilde doesn’t know that honeypots are a thing Eggsy might be expected to do. Clearly, they haven’t talked about it. All she knows is that, this man that she loves, who clearly loves her, is suddenly telling her that he needs to sleep with another woman. And that’s a Big Thing to have suddenly thrown on your plate, especially when it’s a situation of “I need an answer right this moment, fate of the world depends on it.” So it’s pretty damn understandable that Tilde is thrown for a huge loop by it all. She’s shocked, surprised, and definitely feeling hurt. And here’s Eggsy, telling her he wants to spend the rest of his life with her- which in any other situation could easily be a proposal. And, in the confused, hurried, disarray of emotions she’s dealing with- she’s not pressuring him to propose, I think it’s pretty clear that she thinks that might actually be what’s happening.

So here you’ve got both of them super stressed and freaked out and confused. Eggsy’s stressed as fuck about it, doesn’t want to have sex with Clara, but is asking anyway, cause the world is kind of at stake, and he kind of accidentally almost proposes. Tilde is stressed as fuck, and hurt by this sudden request, and confused, and she thinks he might have just proposed, but she’s not sure, because wtf, and. And then Eggsy’s backpedaling, because shit, shit, shit, public figure, and fuck. (And, one of the things that I liked in the book, is that you get more of Tilde’s POV here, because she’s struggled with being the Crown Princess all her life, and now it feels like Eggsy is rejecting her because of her being the Crown Princess.) Confusion and hurt abounds on both sides of that conversation. And if you pay attention.

Eggsy says they need to sit down and Talk about this. Later. Tilde is upset, but gives a (somewhat understandably bitter) okay, and walks away for the moment. And it’s pretty clear that they’ve both made mistakes here. And that they both greatly care for each other, because otherwise they wouldn’t be that hurt.

And. Yeah. It’s this whole huge convoluted ball of fucked up emotions and mistakes and they should have talked about this already, but because writing, they hadn’t, so it all comes out fucked up and misunderstood. But I don’t see any of it as Tilde forcing Eggsy to propose. She’s thinks he has, and then surprise, no, not really, and where do they go from a misunderstanding like that?

Which leads into Tilde forcing him to be a prince/kept boy, and forcing him out of a career he loves. And. I’mma say one thing here, first off, because. Kingsman.

There ain’t no way, ‘prince’ or not, that Eggsy’s going to stop being a Kingsman. That’s definitely not the way things work in the Kingsman world. And I think Vaughn is smart enough to know we would freaking riot if he even tried that. XD I mean. We talked Harry back to life from a headshot, we can talk Eggsy into still being a spy even while being a prince, haha.

That out of the way- Tilde in no way forces Eggsy to become a prince, or a ‘kept boy.’ Let’s give Eggsy more credit than that. If he didn’t want to marry Tilde, if he didn’t want to be with her, he wouldn’t. Eggsy very clearly loves her, tells her flat out that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. And yeah, okay, becoming the future queen’s consort is probably going to cause some issues with Kingsman- but he makes that choice. Saying that Tilde forces him into it just… makes me think of the people who tried to say that Eggsy forced her to have sex with him at the end of TSS. Which, frankly, is ludicrous. At the end of TSS, Tilde is clearly very happy to propose sex with him. And at the end of TGC, Eggsy is clearly very happy to be marrying Tilde.

And that. Was a lot of tl;dr, haha. Hopefully tl;dr that makes sense, and isn’t too rambly. But. I have a hella lot of feels about this, and have put a lot of thought into it. I really love Tilde, and I have come to love her relationship with Eggsy. (And I love my poly ships that include her.) And I really would love to see more of fandom embrace her and it, but that’s of course going to be up to individual preferences. It might be some people’s NOTP, and that’s alright. I have my own NOTPs in this fandom. And you know what? I co-exist with them. I block tags and posts if I need to, and I just try not to comment on them, because live and let live. This fandom is such an open and welcoming one, and I hope it stays that way.

#Kingsman #Kingsman: The Golden Circle #Royal Eggs #Royal Hartwin #Royal Merwin #Royal Merhartwin #spoilers #Anonymous

[maychorian]

Weekly Voltron Fic Recs #26

Rules: You can find past weekly rec lists here, and non-list recs in my general fic rec tag. This is stuff I like, and I have a huge bias toward Lance, hurt/comfort, and general fluff, in that order. Gen unless otherwise noted. Please comment on the fics if you read and enjoy them!

I’m gonna try to get back to doing these on Friday nights. Warning: Lots of hurt!Lance this time. There was plenty to choose from in the gen category, so of course my biases got heavy play. I had a good time, but this list will be even more unbalanced than usual.

Also, it has now been officially half a year of weekly rec lists, though I’ve actually been doing it longer than that, since it keeps being more than a week between each one. The title is a lie. But I am still pretty proud of myself. I thought I would get bored and quit doing these a long time ago, but I haven’t.

As Color Fades Away by IcyPanther Words:  7,615 (WIP 2/?) Author’s Summary:  "They either surrender the Black Lion to us, or we will kill the Paladin we've captured in the most painful way possible. They will hear his screams and they will come. They would not so easily abandon one of their own. And then the Black Lion will be yours. Should the ploy fail... well, then there will be one less Paladin in existence." No pairings, major whumpage, Langst My Comments: Starting the list right off with my biases. I don’t quite agree with the Keith characterization in this one, and the woobie is pretty strong, but it’s very well-written and there is the promise of LOTS of delicious hurt/comfort down the road, so I’m in it to win it.

Lance Makes a Space Sandwich by ArcaneAdagio Words: 3,999 Author's Summary: Lance goes through an galaxy space quest to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, dragging along an unwilling Hunk and Pidge. Will they be able to make their sandwich? Can they survive? Will Lance stop making terrible guns and finger gunning at the same time? Will they learn about the power of friendship? (Spoilers: the answer to the last two questions are 'no.') My Comments: Garrison Trio! How I love them! Very fun and cute action fic. (Also PB&J is divine, how dare you question it.)

you were never on your own by derheck Words: 1,763 Author's Summary: Lance knew how to throw damn good parties. And that’s what they all needed. A damn good party. And what better reason to throw a damn good party than to celebrate everyone’s favorite green paladin growing one year older? Better yet- it wasn’t just going to be a party. He was going all out. He was going to throw Pidge a fucking space quinceañera. My Comments: So cuuuute. Love Lance being supportive of his teammates, and especially doing something nice for Pidge, daww. She deserves a big ol’ party, for sure.

Pieces of Cake by Cardigan_Quincy Words: 2,990 Author's Summary: It's Pidge's birthday, and the team is determined to make it a great day. Meanwhile on Earth and in a Galra prison camp, two other characters hold their own private birthday celebrations for her.(Just a one-shot. Pre-S2. Feminine pronouns for Pidge. ~Quincy) My Comments: Much sadder than the last fic, but also feels very true to the characters. Pidge’s family is definitely the most splintered of the paladins’ and it’s sad to think about the people who aren’t there for her birthday because they can’t be. But they remember each other, in the sweetest and most poignant way.

A Song of Storm and Ice by BreakTheDawn Words: 20,565 (WIP 3/?) Author's Summary: Quintessence.It's the basis of everything right? Integral to the very nature of Voltron. They all have it, it means something for all of them, regardless of whether or not they realize it. So would it not follow that they should learn how to use it?AkaThe Voltron team goes to undertake an ancient training program to learn more about their Lions and themselves, and of course shit happens. My Comments: Actually a sequel to a previously recced fic, so you might want to read that one first, but this one is super good, too. Much more of an ensemble feel, though still a bit of a focus on Lance. And the worldbuilding in this one slays. So many cool ideas. Can’t wait to see what happens, and it’s updating a LOT, with very long chapters. My idea of a good time.

The Garden of Heaven by Genesister (papirini) Words: 75,271 (WIP 16/?) Author's Summary: From the void of space to the heart of a deeply-buried secret of the Galra Empire, the search for Shiro leads Keith on a voyage that he never expected, wanted - or realized he needed. Its just a question of whether he can escape, when its all over - or whether he will even want to. Tags will be added as the work proceeds. My Comments: I haven’t finished reading what’s available on this one yet, but this fic is AMAZING. Absolutely incredible worldbuilding for the Galra. Mind the tags, but don’t let them intimidate you. Keith gets thrown into a very horrifying and terrifying situation against his will, but as the story goes on you find that it’s about just another group of unique misfits learning to get along and find family in each other. The twist I just read left me utterly breathless, and as soon I finish this list I’m gonna get back to reading the story. AWESOME fic. This kind of stuff is why I just don’t bother with published fiction anymore. I can find far more satisfying and interesting stuff for free on the internet.

Just Remember by BleuSarcelle Words: 1,646 Author's Summary: Lance screams and shouts and curses. He lets it all out. He lets his words and shouts echo around as he falls to his knees in the middle of the training room. He hiccups as sobs shake his body. He doesn't bother to wipe away his tears, he lets them fall to the ground and stain the mat below him.He curses loudly and lividly for every part of him that makes him feel unworthy. He weakly punches the mat as he whimpers and his shoulders lose their strength. My Comments: Short but sweet fic about Lance fighting bad self-talk with the truth. I’ve been there.

Capsaicin by phoenixyfriend Words: 6,235 Author's Summary: Lance was captured by the Galra. He was more useful alive than dead, but was notorious for being difficult to interrogate, so the Galra turned to poison. It was... less than successful. My Comments: This is really funny, and really fun. Very mild Lance whump, but I mean, they tried. They tried very hard.

Lance by RandomShmoe Words: 1,482 Author's Summary: First and Second Day working on Camp NaNoWriMo stuff. It is focused on Lance...hence the title. My Comments: Another nice little fic about Lance coping healthily with his problems. The Shiro and Lance interaction was so cute it gave me a toothache.

the purest expression of grief by ohmygodwhy Words: 15,874 Author's Summary: By the time he walks through the Garrison doors, he is bone from going hungry and muscle from fighting and stone from surviving. He keeps his guard up and his teeth bared and sleeps with his knife under his pillow and tears through their exams and their simulations with the ferocity of the need to know more, to do more, to fly. or: keith fights, because that's what he does, and has always watched the stars My Comments: Can be read as Sheith or gen. Absolutely fantastic character study of Keith and how much Shiro means to him, and I loved how Keith made friends with everyone in the second chapter. Very much how I see it working for him: slow, halting, but utterly sincere.

Shifting Sands by Cardigan_Quincy Words: 11,399 (WIP 4/?) Author's Summary: Lance picked himself up from the floor gingerly, testing his muscles before putting too much weight on them. Nothing seemed injured, aside from a few aches that would likely become a nice collection of bruises by tomorrow morning. But considering how hard Blue had fallen, Lance felt lucky. Blue was less lucky. --- Lance is stranded on a desert planet, injured and captured by someone who will go to any lengths to get their hands on the Black Lion. Fortunately or otherwise, he's not alone. (Updated weekly ~Quincy) My Comments: MMM, boy, this is some GOOD hurt/comfort! Starts with Lance alone, but doesn’t stay that way. I’m really glad he has someone there to support him, less glad that they are going through some awful stuff. Okay, I lied, I like it when Lance (and the others) go through awful stuff. But I am still hoping for rescue soon, please.

It's Getting Darker But I'll Carry On by CamsthiSky Words: 4,285 (WIP 3/?) Author's Summary: "This could not be happening. Of course he’d be with the one idiot who didn't know that once a zombie found you, there weren’t many ways to get it off your trail—and hiding in an abandoned house wasn't one of them. How was this guy even still alive right now?" My Comments: Zombie AU that starts off with sniper!Lance rescuing Keith? Yes, please. Fantastic start, and I love the roles everyone is falling into in this AU. Looking forward to more. They need to find Shiro. (Isn’t THAT just the constant refrain of this fandom, though.)

the stars watch over you by psyraah for rednight16 Words: 1,239 Author's Summary: Shiro is bone weary, worn down, and battered, yet sleep evades him. But a gentle moment amongst new friends eases the constant disquiet in his heart, at least for now. My Comments: This is so soft and lovely and nice. Thace and Ulaz should have stuck around longer in the show, for real.

Trust Fall by kyanve Words: 2,330 Author's Summary: Lance decides to try to prove that he's just as capable of getting Blue to come get him as Keith has been at playing Space Fetch with Red. Blue may be less temperamental than Red, but Blue can also be a troll enough to make up for it. My Comments: Lance is an idiot, but Blue loves him anyway. This feels very, very canon.

After Me Comes the Flood by Qpenguin98 Words: 25,111 Author's Summary: The interior of this ship is cold and boring. The Galran soldiers that try to bond with you are cold and boring. Zarkon is cold and boring. You are sick of being cold and bored. A story following the Red Lion. My Comments: Endgame Klance, established Red/Blue. Really interesting and lovely view of Keith and the rest of the team through a personified Red. I love the sense of history with the lions, and the trauma and turmoil that everyone has to work through.

Taking One For The Team by ShiningRegalia Words: 18,284 (WIP 6/?) Author's Summary: A mission gone wrong lands Lance and Pidge in a dangerous situation. When communication with the rest of the team is compromised, they have to take drastic measures to escape. Pidge can only hope that they get out before things get worse and one of them breaks. Especially Lance. My Comments: Holy fudge, this is some great hurt/comfort, too, this time with Lance and Pidge. Protective!Lance turns on all the lights in my house, and Pidge gets protective right back. The situation gets really bad, really fast, but they both do everything they can to take care of each other and get them out. They’ll be okay as long as they have each other.

Do You Wanna Build a Voltron? by phoenixyfriend Words: 10,558 Author's Summary: Lance woke up to a room full of frost, and proceeded to panic. Just a little. Just a smidgen. Just enough to refuse to leave his room until Hunk promised to go get Coran so there was a competent adult helping them figure out this mess.According to Blue, humans were very fragile, and needed all the help they could get. Blue could provide a lot of help, and this was a perfect solution, in her eyes. My Comments: Really cute and fun exploration of Lance getting full-on Elsa powers. An enjoyable read from start to finish.

We'll Just Have to Wing It by peasantlysurprised Words: 2,798 Author's Summary: or alternatively titled "The Space Power Rangers Try to Figure Out If Shiro Has a Natural Winged Eyeliner Look Going On Because He's Fly Like That or Not and End Up Failing" My Comments: I think I missed reccing this fic back when I first read it because I wasn’t making weekly lists at the time, but someone reminded me of it and I’m super glad they did. Very fun team fic with the younger paladins trying to stay up all night to catch Shiro and find out the truth.

what's needed by eugyne (AreteNike) Words: 2,704 Author's Summary: The one time Shiro gives everything to his team... and the five six times they give it back. My Comments: Absolutely FANTASTIC Post-S2 story with Shiro actually getting the support he needs, omg, I love it so much.

Gate Keeper by MoonlitPaladin (MoonlitStardust) for cupcakelevi Words: 30,297 (WIP 7/?) Author's Summary: Lance is an author, known for his fantasies driven by dynamic and imaginative heroes, and yet no matter how much popularity and success he gains, it's not enough. He doesn't feel like he belongs anywhere and he pours himself into his work, pausing only when he gets a strange postcard in the mail with no return address and a portrait of Scotland."Light filters o’er the pass as the Keeper returns."On an adventure the likes of which only he could have written, Lance learns the true meaning of family and that there's a thin line between fantasy and reality. My Comments: Tagged Klance, but so far it’s about the plot and the worldbuilding. Really interesting Fantasy AU, and I’m totally hooked. Everything feels really deep and well thought-out. Again, this is why I don’t need published fiction.

Nails by BlueRoboKitty Words: 3,435 Author's Summary: Barely weeks after the events of S2, Lance decides to break Keith out of a bad habit and ends up creating a confrontation he's not sure he's prepared to deal with. My Comments: I love fics where Lance just can’t HELP being a caregiver and he HAS to save Keith from himself because can you believe him, can you believe his terrible habits. And if it helps them find some understanding and get to know each other better, well, I’m ALL FOR IT.

The Tide by Zurela Words: 4,116 Author's Summary: Lance doesn't know whether or not he can trust Keith to have his back. But now that he's stuck under a tree, with broken bones, and on the verge of drowning, it seems he might not have a choice. My Comments: Yet another flavor of hurt!Lance, this time with Keith along for the ride. This one hit the spot.

Piecing the World Back Together by Zurela Words: 7,929 Author's Summary: The Galra have taken control of the ship again. Only this time, they've brought a druid. And Lance is the only one in the castle. And he's not doing so good. Oh boy, this is bad. My Comments: Mild Klance, but mostly about Lance dealing with things alone until his team can come. I love love love Lance’s breakdown in this one, because it was awful and heartbreaking but it wasn’t over the top, and everyone was able to respond right away and tell him that his bad thoughts about himself weren’t true. And he was heroic too, my dear blue boy. Great fic.

familiar by achieving elysium (Ogygia) Words: 40,874 (13/?) Author's Summary: Altean!Lance AU.The only one who remembers the fall of Altea, Lance struggles to find a place in a band of misfits he will never fully trust. Secrets aren't the only thing on the rise; on the other side of the battlefield is Zarkon, someone Lance once saw as a brother and now his greatest enemy. But Voltron has always protected the universe, and the Blue Paladin won't stop now. My Comments: Finally, an Altean!Lance AU I can rec with no reservations. This is a really interesting and different take on Lance, with him being a veteran, technically much, much older than everyone else on the crew, and dealing with a whole ton of trauma and trust issues. Some secrets came out in the recent chapter that really have me salivating for more.

Home by Zurela Words: 7,385 Author's Summary: The members of Voltron have noticed that Lance has been behaving suspiciously lately, and make some assumptions. Well, all except one. My Comments: Lance is such a DARLING in this one. Gah, I love him.

He is the Heart by aurumdalseni (kyo_chan) Words: 2,479 Author's Summary: Hunk is the paladin that helps hold them all up, but sometimes he needs to be reminded just how much he's cared about in return. [A "Five Times Kissed" ficlet (gen/non romantic)] My Comments: Hunk appreciation! YESSS. I love everyone’s different ways of showing how much they love Hunk.

Blue and Blood by kimuracarter Words: 2,773 Author's Summary: The team rescues Lance from the clutches of the Galra. My Comments: Heartbreaking, but very well-written. This is one of those fics that I read more than once. Maybe more than twice. Very id fic for me.

Previously Recced Fics That Updated:

Blue and Bruised by DizzyBunnies Masks by TiedyedTrickster Handbook of Demonology by squirenonny for Pechat (absolutely BALLER chapter) Truce by kyanve Love and Other Questions by squirenonny Little Lions by MidnightCreator A Dream Away by BossToaster (ChaoticReactions) Out of Phase by LittleWhiteTie Lost in the Stars by WingedChickadee I'm not the Lance You think I am by KairaKara101 Stardust, Silk and Steel by CalicoTomcat

#voltron legendary defender #fic rec #weekly voltron fic recs #i have got to start doing these every week again dang #vldgen

[acidflash]

The Secret DJ

This is the third book in succession I’ve read about the phenomenon we love and know as Electronic Music. I think that’s what to call it anyway. As time goes on I like using that term less and less as “EDM” becomes more and more infused into our everyday lives. Either way, whatever you want to call it each book has been significantly different in its approach to this intoxicating lifestyle but equally enjoyable. “Ninety” by Johnny Proctor was a foray into fiction and Acid House, “Sonic Youth Slept On My Floor” by Dave Haslam was a memoir that heavily focused on his DJing and now we have “The Secret DJ”, a memoir of sorts but it reads like fiction with its larger than life escapades! I loved it and would highly recommend reading this to anyone. I’m not sure this is particularly a “book review” per se but I talk about it and what parts of it mean to me.

The Secret DJ is a series of tales from a now fifty something DJ who was one of the original “Superstar DJs”. He takes us on a non-chronological journey of debauchery, realism, philosophy, narcotics, comedy and education. Several characters play a supporting role, none more so than Tour Manager his, well tour manager obviously. Except he sounds like the most useless tour manager ever and is saved by the fact he sounds like the most hilarious wingman you can imagine. Possibly not for The Secret DJ but certainly for the reader.

The book is written obviously from an anonymous source and focuses purely on life on the road as a working DJ, apart from a couple of life-changing events. There’s no childhood stories that give you hints of the life to come, there’s no background as to how he became a DJ, it’s just straight in with the mostly comical japery and what it’s like to endure/enjoy that lifestyle that is so revered by many, but so few could ever withstand.

As someone who started DJing back when few people did I can empathise with so much of the book. I’m around 10 years younger so although I was part of the first army of “bedroom DJs”, there were far fewer of us than there are nowadays and there was no sync button. Much of his outlook is “I’m an old bastard and it was much better in my day”, and as much as I try not to be, my outlook is not too dissimilar. Of course it’s wrong, there are undoubtedly things that were much better “back in the day” but there are also better things nowadays. Sometimes the same thing is why it was better then/now. We had no camera phones so everyone just got on enjoying themselves, but few of us have much of a record of the great times we had bar what we can remember, which let’s face it isn’t a lot. Clubbers nowadays can keep physical memories of these great times. I’d prefer to just enjoy myself and not worry or cringe about what people I’ve been out with might slap on social media but there are certainly pros and cons to both sides of that argument. Likewise how organised things are these days. There was so much adventure 20/30 years ago, you didn’t quite know if things would happen or not, there wasn’t always security, chill out zones etc. so there’s better safety nowadays. Whatever way you look at it there were good things and bad things about the different eras.

Anyway I digress. There were many passages I’d like to highlight but I don’t want to give too much away. Nothing more annoying than reviews or previews that give away all the “best bits”. Instead I’ll tell you the ones that resonated with me the most. You can read it yourself for the funny parts, of which there are many.

His description of how the art comes more naturally the less you try for instance - “Have you ever tried too hard at something physical, a sport or a game? Have you noticed how you are never better at it when you’re not trying at all? It’s that.” Bang on. Once you can do something on autopilot then you’re sorted. Most of us probably drive a car without thinking about what we’re doing most of the time, it’s like that. Once you start thinking whether your clutch/accelerator co-ordination is correct then you suddenly start changing gear poorly.

Likewise, mistakes. We’re human. Be immediately suspicious of anyone who appears to be mixing “perfectly”. Little mistakes show up reality. Technology is doing most, or all, of the work if absolutely nothing is going wrong. I almost always used the crossfader to mix, and once I got so deep into a mix where I was using the channel slider I forgot the crossfader was still stuck in the middle. The record eventually ran out when I’d faded it out almost perfectly, I slammed the channel slider back up triumphantly thinking the crossfader was right over and had a great surge of adrenaline. Then the next song started, not only were there huge brass stabs at full volume but obviously completely out of time with the record that was playing. Took me around 5 seconds to work out what the hell was going on before I stopped the record. The following month I turned up to play again at the same club to discover they were selling the set I’d done that night on CD. The first half the monitors barely worked so there were trainwrecks and then there was that big mistake. I was mortified. Everybody who I spoke to over the next few months loved it and didn’t care so I stopped caring. Ride your mistakes out, realise everyone makes them and eventually you’ll lose the fear. Unless you are playing in front of 5000 people obviously….

Treating people in the service industry not only with respect (as any even remotely respectable human being should) but to turn it round and be the subservient one. In turn you will be treated much better and for longer. I don’t work in the service industry but in a role that has similarities, trust me when I say the better you treat me the further I will go to give you a great service. In The Secret DJ’s case he also treated them well so that when things inevitably got fucked up later on he was also in credit. Plan ahead in other words.

Talking about Tour Manager he fondly describes how he is the only person made a better person by cocaine, “Some people genuinely have great trouble coming forth from their shell, and sometimes the mollusc within is very special”. Great words and instantly endears you to TM. Their relationship is clearly very special. Well I guess it has to be when he’s useless at being a tour manager!

Talking about the “Shazam generation” and how the research has been taken out of record finding, he says “Being a DJ is about being an authority, which comes through contact and immersion, not mental tourism. In this Information Age, the true hazard is that information gets confused with knowledge. Just cos you have something doesn’t mean you own it”. Incredibly sage words.

Twice I actually cried with laughter. I find laughter to be incredibly infectious and rarely laugh hard on my own even when watching something funny. To laugh at a book so hard that my daughter thought there was something wrong with me takes some doing. Without particularly giving anything away, one downer-addled adventure ends with him saying “If this was a film, there would now be a montage of stills of ascending idiocy”. My head was already doing this, seeing it written out in words tipped me over the edge. Secondly, “MOORSEBERRY SHREWSCAKE”. I couldn’t breathe by the end of this story. Seriously, I couldn’t.

On fame - “One day people loved what I did, then they didn’t. But the things I made were the same. Odd”. We can see it as punters when someone’s musical output doesn’t really change in terms of quality but suddenly a newer, younger kid is on the block and they’re forgotten about. A fickle mistress indeed.

As the book edges closer to the end a very sobering event happens to The Secret DJ. I must say it did knock me sideways a bit, I wasn’t expecting it to hit me so hard. He hinted early in the book that he “lost it” in some way and went off the radar but it was shocking. He writes it in a very blasé way too, I think perhaps as a defence mechanism - making light of what is a very serious situation. How he even managed to survive is a miracle, far less write the book.

Lastly, an extremely poignant quote. “To this day I have no idea how you can spend so much joyful time with another human and end up not seeing them ever again”. I’m sure most of us who spent many years clubbing can fully understand this. Outside of family I had the most amazing time of my life with a few people you can easily count on your fingers. With the exception of one I’ll probably never see them again for various reasons. It still fucks with my head a bit, even years later. How did we go from saving the world, looking out for each other no matter what the situation was, feeling like there was no-one else in the world either understood us or even existed, having the maddest adventures that bound us together for ever more, to never seeing each other again? Growing up I guess. Drifting apart. Shit going down.

Think I’ve hit several tangents there and I was meant to be telling you how great a book it is. It’s a great book for two reasons, the storytelling is first class and will take you through a range of emotions, which lets face it is what you generally look for in a book isn’t it? But also I can connect with so much of it. Like Dave Haslam’s book I mentioned at the start there is so much of the book I get on a personal level. Some of its music-related and some of it’s personality and some of it is both. I guess those of us who obsess enough about music to go down the DJing route are probably similarly built.

One last thing, and I suppose it’s the elephant in the room. Who is he? There are a vast array of clues, although he says something near the end that means you can’t read too far into a lot of them. After all, why write a book anonymously if it’s easy for people to guess? There aren’t too many people he can be and I have a good idea but I like the myth. There’s not really any sniping or secret-telling about other DJs apart from the odd short anecdote and none (apart from the famous Steve Angello incident) are ever named. It just feels like a guy wanted to write a book about his adventures but didn’t want people to know it was him. I know how he feels.

Order it here: The Secret DJ https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0571334482/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i4yxBb5729B54

If you fancy the other books I mentioned you can order Dave Haslam’s here:

Sonic Youth Slept On My Floor: Music, Manchester, and More: A Memoir https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1472127528/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_D5yxBb66E5E24

and Ninety by Johnny Proctor here:

Ninety https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1979953414/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_f7yxBb8C98A14

Review: http://acidflash.tumblr.com/post/174467922138/ninety-by-johnny-proctor-a-review-zico-is-a

#HouseMusic #DJs #SecretDJ #ElectronicMusic #books