#anyway it triggered some trauma and i cried

[freakurodani]

man i think the worst thing about anxiety is that it turns me into a hateful rage spirit that haunts my corpse

#im anxious so i get hypervigilent so i get overstimulated #so i have to bite my hand to keep myself from throwing my phone at the wall because i got too many notifications at once #and bc of TRAUMA phone notifications specifically can be an anxiety trigger for me #but like irritability is usually how i know ive gone TOO long without some kinda stress relief or without coping with my anxiety #anyway after feeling angry i got so upset at myself i almost cried (but couldn't bc i was at work) and instead spent 10 minutes #in the bathroom staring at my reflection #horrified bc i swear i didnt look human #i was a shell i looked at myself and had now idea who that was #absolutely warped like my world had a dolly zoom going on #dont wanna talk to anyone about it either #bc if they comfort me wrong ill explode #my mind loves building me labyrinths of pain and destitution #conspiracy lvl: text

[kevcanwait]

𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘯'𝘵 𝘺𝘦𝘭𝘭...

Waah!: The boys reaction to realizing they yelled at you when you have past trauma with yelling.

Ya-hoo!: Mn in this had a "Military" childhood, Dad treated him like a soldier and was always yelling at him whether it be commands or verbal abuse.

Yay!: Is it obvious what I'm using to label the start of my fics? lol. Anyway, Waah! is the summary. Ya-hoo! is a brief explanation or backstory, and Yay! is authors note. I need a fourth character noise for Warnings...Oh yeah! will by warnings. (Also, if you haven't got it yet, Waluigi, Mario, Peach, Luigi)

Oh Yeah!: Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Trauma Triggers, The boys are unintentional dicks, Hurt/Comfort, Injuries, mentions of Blood, British Cigarette slur in Changbin's,

𝓑𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓷 (598 Words)

The door of your apartment slammed shut, making you jump. He knows to not slam doors but you put aside your slight annoyance for him forgetting when you hear him muttering. You shuffle out of your room and head to the living room where you can hear the mutters more clearly. Something about a missing track and being behind a day since they had to re-record some lines.

"Hey, Channie..." You said softly as you gently crossed your arms. You may be a strong tall boy (tm) now but Chan was starting to scare you a bit. "I-I got us food...Wasn't sure what your wanted but I got your fav-" "Mn, Just shut the fuck up!" He yelled, turning towards you. "I saw the damn food but if you payed attention to your damn phone, you would've known that I ate with the boys." "Ch-Chan...Stop. Now." Your voice wavered as your eyes began to water. "Who are you to tell me to stop?!"

The phrase made you flinch, the flash of your father about to hit you after you told him to stop yelling at your siblings made you stumble back into the wall, bumping into the side table, knocking over a vase that shatters as you slid down the wall, your hands coming up to cover your head as you beg your father to not hurt you.

The moment "Appa, No, please!" left your mouth, Chan's anger and stress from the day immediately went out the window when he realized what just happened. "Shit, Shit, Mn, I'm sorry." He swore he'd never raise his voice and seeing you like this, curled against the wall shaking, crushed his heart. "Mn, hey, jagi, can you hear me?" A sob is all he gets in reply and he sighs as tears build up in his eyes. His eyes catch the glass around your leg and he notices that you landed on some of the pieces, a few small blood patches on your sweats. He knows he needs to be gentle but he can't let them get worse as he kneels in front of you to try and move you off and away from the glass. You fight against him, your hands trying to help you crawl away but your right ends up in the glass and you cry in pain this time. "Ah, shit." Your eyes snap open to first see your hand, then the glass around you. "I-I'm sorry, I-I'll clean this up." You go to stand but Chan stops you. "No, No, N/n, let's patch you up first." "B-But I-I have to clean with the wounds...t-to be tougher." "Mn, babe, look at me." You do so slowly and finally meet his teary gaze. "Ch-Channie..." A new set of tears fall and Chan scoops you up the best he can to get you away from the mess.

"I'm so sorry, N/n. I didn't mean to yell at you, I know better, I shouldn't have taken my stress of the day out on you, I am unbelievably sorry." His hug was tight as he cried into your shoulder. "I promise I won't do that again, I promise to be more aware of how I'm feeling. I'll make it up to you, I'm sorry." You shake in his hold but slowly you melt into him, his faint cologne and tight grip calming you down as you wrap your arms around him as well. Although your leg and palm stung, you were grounded enough to know that both of you were comforting one another in that moment.

𝓛𝓮𝓮 𝓚𝓷𝓸𝔀 (950 Words)

Minho asked you a few days ago if you could meet him at his place so the two of you could finally spend time together after what felt like an eternity since the last time you saw each other.

You arrived a few minutes before him and hastily set out the food you brought, homemade from your sibling you visited a day prior. His cats surrounded you, watching you curiously as you get the food out. When you were done, you smiled at the cats before making your way into the living room and sat on the floor, Soonie crawled into your lap as Dori sat in front of you and Doongi was happily purring next to Dori as you pat his head and scratch his chin. Pausing your pets on the cat in your lap, you pull your phone out of your pocket to see if there's any updates from Minho. Five minutes ago is a message saying he's almost there and Fifteen minutes ago is a message asking if you could feed the babies for him. You're quick to remove Soonie from your lap and stand up, gathering their dishes and food when the door opens but you jump when it slams shut.

"Mn?" His tone was firm and you felt a little scared but kept in mind that he just came from either the studio or the dorms, he must've not had a good day. "In here!" You call out. "I brought my siblings home made Kimbap and Pajeon for dinner. I also picked up-" "Where's their food?" "O-Oh, it's right here." You smile gently when he reaches your line of sight. "I'm just filling Dori's-" "I sent that twenty minutes ago." "I-I know, and I have the bowls right here, just give me-" "Why didn't you do it when I texted you?" "M-Min, it's not a big deal. Look, I have their bowls." "Not a big deal? You're starving them." "Oh come on, Minnie, you're being overdramatic."

You kneel down and set the bowls near the cats before standing up and turning towards your boyfriend. "See? Now they're fed." You sassed, going to walk past him to go to your food when he blocked your path. "Minho, what is wrong with you?" You snapped. He suddenly grabbed your wrists and you whimpered at the tightness. The backbone you gained over time from your childhood was suddenly out the window as fear crept up your spine. "O-Ow, Min, you're hurting me." "I don't care. I asked you to do one simple task and you blew it off."

Tears gathered in your eyes as your thrown back to the one night you didn't do the dishes, too busy trying to finish an important, grade-on-the-line school project, and your dad came home to see the half filled sink. He had grabbed you, dragging you into the kitchen. You complained that he was hurting you and that phrase was uttered before he threw you in front of the sink, you had a bruise on your side for a week.

The tears finally fell as you squeezed your eyes shut. "M-Minho, please stop, I'm sorry I didn't feed them earlier." "Why are you crying? There's no need to be crying, you don't have a reason to cry." He shoved you backwards and you stumble into Soonie's food bowl, spilling his food as he jumps away as another memory flashes, your father said the same thing when you cried after seeing him shove your mother to the ground. You whimper quietly, stuttering as you shrink in on yourself. "I'm sorry, Appa, I'll do better, I'm sorry." Your eyes open to see the food at your feet and you silently kneel down onto both of your knees to clean your mess.

Minho was frozen, mulling over his thoughts before he sighs. He realized what happened, the night prior he slept at the dorms and was so happy he'll get to see you the next day but he had woken up with a nasty headache, fighting through the slight throb in his temples at practice and at the studio. This was his fault, twenty minutes really wasn't a big deal to get mad over but he was tired, annoyed, and in pain, he just wanted you and his babies and when he saw them without food, he just broke. He sighs as he gets on the floor with you, picking up the food with you. When all of it was back in the bowl, you suddenly picked it up and hastily walked back to the kitchen.

Minho's eyes followed you, watching you dump the bowl before pouring new food back into it. "Mn-ie..." He stood when you came back in. A gentle hand on your bicep, he takes the bowl, setting it down for the mewling cat at his feet before placing his other hand on your other arm to turn you towards him. "Jagiya, I'm sorry." He bends his knees to try and look at your eyes, tears gathering but not falling. He sighs again, standing up straight and wrapping his arms around you. He didn't say anything, he just cradled you, rubbing your back as you let the tears fall and soak his hoodie. You could tell he felt bad, gentle kisses placed on the top of your head and a couple on your cheek or hoodie-clad shoulder while he swayed the both of you gently. You take a step to try and push yourself further into his hold, wrapping your arms around his middle and his arms tighten around you. "I love you, Mn...I'm sorry." You sob into his shoulder, burying your face further into his shoulder. "L-Love you, M-Min..."

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓰𝓫𝓲𝓷 (635 Words)

You knew Changbin had a bad gym day and you did everything to cheer him up and make him feel better. You made him your noodle recipe from your mom that he absolutely loves, you drew him a warm bath when he texted a small ‘Almost home’. You sent him a quick message saying you love him and can't wait to see him but he didn't reply. Today must've been really bad, hopefully your little set up in your dining room will make him happy.

When Changbin came home, you smiled, finishing up dinner before walking out of the kitchen to greet your boyfriend, but as soon as you reached the entryway of your home, the air shifted and you realized that your Binnie was in a really bad mood as you made your way to the front door. “Hey, Bin.” “Hey.” “I, um, I drew you a bath…a-and I made your favorite recipe from my mom for dinner. It's ready when you finish your bath.” “Thanks.”

You wring your hands together before taking a stuttery inhale. “Y-You okay, Bin? I-Is there anything I can do…for you?” “No, you can't do anything.” “Excuse me?” “You can't do anything.” “Binnie, you don't mean that.” You give a weary smile and hesitant chuckle. “You just might be stressed and tired-” “Now you're suddenly aware of how I’m feeling? How would you know how I’m feeling?” “Bin-” “Stop, just stop.”

He shoves past you, his built shoulder shoving you into the wall and your left hand lands on the wall to stop yourself from colliding with the wall as you turn and watch Changbin walk away. “Bin, hey-” “I just told you to stop! Like I said, you can't do anything, you can't even listen properly.” His voice was rising the more he spoke and he turned back to you, taking slow steps towards you.

“Changbin, stop taking to me like that.” Your eyes grew glossy as you tried to hold in your tears. “Why are you crying? You're so pathetic.” “Changbin!” “Don't yell at me, you don't have a reason to yell at me!” Suddenly he's grabbing your arm and pulling you from the front door entryway to push you into the livingroom. Unfortunately, you managed to trip over the corner of your rug and you landed on your side at the same time your head connected to the side of the coffee table. You yelp in pain, feeling as if you were fifteen again when your dad found out you had a boyfriend, furious that his son was a ‘Weak Fag’ and ‘pathetic’ as you collided with the wall next to the television.

The tears fell and you let out a sob as your head pounded. You reach up to your temple and pull your hand back to find some blood, looking back up to see Changbin still standing there, staring, still angry as if he didn't realize what he just did.

You got up with shaky legs and ran to the bathroom, aiming to patch your wound but the first thing you do is slide down the door with a sob and pull your phone out, calling the first contact that you manage to navigate to. Meanwhile, Changbin tossed his hands up when you ran to the bathroom, amused that you ran away from him, still not aware of what just happened.

A few minutes later, the still unlocked front door was pushed open and he got a small glimpse of Felix rushing to the bathroom before Chan was slamming the door closed and pushing Changbin against the wall. “What the fuck-” “What is wrong with you?!” “What?” “You know he has abuse trauma, why the fuck did you do it?” “What do you mean?” Suddenly, Chan slaps him, and gestures to the room. “Look around, Changbin.” There's a few blood droplets next to the coffee table, staining your messed up rug from when you tripped, Felix trying to get you to open the bathroom door, and on the dining table were dishes ready for dinner. What really brought Changbin to reality was the number two balloon and what looked like a custom banner saying “I love you, Binnie, Happy Two Years.”

Fuck

Your guy's anniversary…

(I'm ending his here but if a pt.2/continuation is wanted, I'll get it to you :)...)

𝓗𝔂𝓾𝓷𝓳𝓲𝓷 (1083 words)

With the couple years you guys have been together, you had finally gained courage to suggest that Hyunjin moved in with you. Not like move in physically, he still lives with the boys at the dorm, I mean you let him claim your guest room to be another art studio for him. It was already your own little work space but you donated the bed, cleaned it up, reorganized, and got new furniture to surprise him with it for your one year anniversary.

Now, most of your home is covered in paintings that he's made. Either permanently or just to get it out of the room. He was with the boys when you were cleaning around, your last room of the day being the studio. You didn't do much, knowing how Hyunjin likes his things where he puts them, the most you did was put blank canvases together in the corner and put things back where you knew they belonged and knew your boy wasn't using the item anymore.

You were moving to your side of the studio when your foot slips slightly and you notice a brush of his. It was still usable but the handle was messy and slight warn and the bristles were beginning to fray. Looking at his desk, you see the other brushes which seem to be in the same state. You didn't think about it to much before smiling, biting your lip to keep the grin from spreading too wide before making your way to a set of drawers next to your desk, a collective catch all and your lucky that he's never opened the bottom drawer which contains new brushes. Black handles with a gold metal holding clean brown bristles, custom made with a little engravings on them. "Forever my prince" and "Hwang No.1". You've had them for a while, waiting for the right moment to give them since whenever you brought up the topic, he'd say the ones he has are still useful but it wasn't about just replacing his brushes, one of the brushes engravings was "Ln Hyunjin." You finally were going to propose.

You collected the old brushes and moved them to the long drawer on your desk to hide them, throw them away later. You then got an unoccupied small white vase and placed the brushes in like a bouquet before writing and small note, a simple 'Just because gift ~Mn <3' that you place next to the vase. You would've given them physically but you had some errands to run with your sibling, that's why you were cleaning, killing time.

After running errands, you came back and heard small muttering in the studio, smiling when you see his shoes before it falls when you see the slight disarray your living room was in. "Damn it, Mn, what did you do with them?" You heard him huff. What did you do? Walking down the hall, you see a few of your new brushes for him and your chest grows tight. "Jinnie?" "Mn! Where are my brushes?" "D-Didn't you see I got you new ones?" "I didn't need new ones, Mn! The ones I had are ones I'm use to." "So because you didn't want to try out the ones I bought you, you throw them on the floor?" "Mn, I didn't need new ones to begin with! If you listened to me, I wouldn't be yelling at you!"

"If you listened to me, I wouldn't have to punish you!" Your dad yelled a day after he said "Listen closely, you don't say a word about what I did to mom, I won't punish you for not cleaning the truck like I told you to do." The same day you gave in and begged your teacher that day at school to help save your family. You just wanted away from that man, you didn't want to be near him anymore but when the cops showed up, he lied, and when they left, let's just say you missed a week of school due to some bruises and your father didn't want to get caught. That's when you realized he only cared about himself and how people see him.

"I-I'm sorry...Y-You always get m-me gifts, I-I was just returning th-the favor..." "Well, you didn't have to. Now where are they?" "I-In m-my desk..." You suddenly felt like a little boy again, you felt small, confined, trapped. You wipe at your eyes with the bottom of your palm, sniffing as you watch him kick the other brushes away. "J-Jin?" "What?" He snapped. "I-I'm sorry, J-Jin-nim, I'm sorry." Chocking back a sob, you step back and run out of the room. "Jin-nim?" Hyunjin mutters to himself confused before his eyes widen, looking at the brushes before the ones in his hands clatter to the floor and he's chasing after you. You were forced to call your father Mister Jin.

Your shoes were missing and your front door was open. "Shit." He quickly slid his shoes on before running out the door. He could see you not that far away as he was quick to catch up to you, wrapping his arms around you to stop you from walking farther. "Mn, Muse, hold on." He turned you around to face him, a hand on the side of your face to gently guide your gaze up to him. "Mn, I'm sorry." "What?" You blinked a couple times before you realized it was Jin. Your Jin. "Hyunjin?" "Yeah, it's okay. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to yell, I didn't mean to get rational, I-I don't know what came over me, I should've just asked." "Y-You didn't even see the brushes...Did you?" "N-Not really...I-I really am sorry."

You reach a hand up to his, leaning into his touch before you remove his hand and walk back home. When you return, to pull him to the studio, picking up the fan brush with his name. "This is your last name." "I know." You pull him further into the studio but he stops to look at the other brushes as you move to your desk drawer, reaching to the back to pull out a ring.

You turn around, admiring Hyunjin for a moment before walking over to him, placing a gentle hand on his elbow to get him to look at you before smiling when his eye catches the ring instead. "Mn..." "I know you...just yelled at me and I have so many problems but...be mine?"

Got carried away with Hyunjin's but I'm a writer who loves details but sorry this took so long. Ended up making this two parts cause I didn't know what to do for the maknae's cause my brain thinks they're too precious to hurt someone but I will think of something. For now, I hope you...enjoyed? It's kinda weird to say I hope you enjoyed this since it's a trauma fic 😬 N E WAYS, I just hope it's okay.

Tagging @lakee-jakee and @belladonna6-6-6 who commented on the original post of me asking if anyone wanted this. It do finally be done :)

#straykids x male #stray kids x male reader #male reader #stray kids #stray kids hyung line #bang chan x male reader #lee know x male reader #changbin x male reader #hyunjin x male reader

[fand0mh03]

How the Evans would react to a pregnancy scare

Tw:Could be potentially triggering for some people- read at your own risk

Tate Langdon:

Thinks he created another fucking anti christ

Terrified 

Doesn’t know what to do

Has an anxiety attack

Tells you to get rid of it

#womensrights

Anyways

Is so relieved when it turns out to be a pregnancy scare

He was so scared that a) baby and b) for you, I mean it killed Vivian it would def kill you too, and he didn’t want you to have to be stuck in this house

And to have to go through that trauma 

Fuck that

Kit Walker:

poor baby

He’s so happy and excited 

This man will take as many children as you’re willing to give him

Yes he has two, yes he wants more

Lowkey wanna write dad kit now

Would cry happy tears and would want to tell the kids, although you convince him otherwise until you’re sure

Cries when it’s just a scare

Would support you either way, if you wanted to give birth or if you wanted to  abort it, because he’s amazing like that

Kyle Spencer:

Pre death

oh shit

Would freak the fuck out

Tells you to abort it

Gets into a fight because you want it

Storms out only to come back and hour later and apologize, saying he messed up and would support you either way

Actually gets a bit excited to start a family with you

Would want to wait a little more for marriage though

Actually is disappointed when it’s just a scare

He started brainstorming names

And got a second job to be able to get an apartment

But you’ll be able to get one anyways, baby or not

Jimmy Darling:

scared af

Scared he’s a) gonna be like his dad

And b) that it would also be a freak

Goes to his mom

Ethel fixes everything and sends him back to you

Then he’s happy

And you’re happy

Everyone’s happy

Until they’re not

Because you guys were wrong

Then he’s sad

:(

Kai Anderson:

he screams

A messiah baby! Finally!

🤦‍♀️  🙄 

Winter is happy and excited because a little baby around will be fun

For the week you think you MIGHT be pregnant, he’s so nice

He actually sleeps in the same bad as you

Keeps you out of the cult

Starts to set up a nursery 

When he finds out it was just a scare, he is pissed

At you. For some reason

Bitch would probably lock you in a closet istg

He would make sure that you were pregnant and every time you got your period, he’d humiliate you, saying how you’re not fulfilling your “woman duties” and how you’re a disgrace 

Evan Peters:

is nervous to be a father

Will support whatever you do

Gets excited to become a father

Is a little disappointed when it turns out to be a scare

However, he would totally start a family with you

The scare made him realize that, so it’s good 

#evan peters #Evan peters x reader #American horror story #ahs #Ahs murder house #ahs asylum #ahs coven #kyle spencer #tate langdon x reader #Kit Walker x reader #kit walker #kyle Spencer x reader #kai anderson #kai Anderson x reader #jimmy darling #jimmy darling x reader

[poognthebrainbois]

Rant/vent about current denial spiral under the cut - some context first: (*extremely brief mention of abuse/SA, medical history mention)

Had a fight with my mom about why I "still think it's DID." There were a lotta layers to that conversation, including:

- My (our) experiences don't line up with all the "research" she's done about DID

- according to her, co-consciousness doesn't exist and "you would have no idea there's another person [controlling your body], you can't be 'standing behind, watching.'"

- she doesn't trust anecdotal/personal experience of actual systems because "that's just people on the internet making up whatever they want"(paraphrase)

- she had also never heard of OSDD before. Even though she claimed she knows all about the DSM-5.

(medical trauma/history mention)

- I was never *physically abused or SA'd, therefore I don't have trauma. (She doesn't believe in emotional/verbal abuse, and all my *medical trauma/history was during/right after my birth (I was born 10 weeks early, had a surgery while in the NICU) so it doesn't count [I can't disagree with that])

(Might make a separate vent post about what we consider possible trauma that she "doesn't count")

- she told me "it sounds like you found something and stuck to it" (paraphrase) (meaning I learned about DID and just decided that was my problem.)

- made the same sweeping generalizations as always about my entire generation "wanting to be different" and "wanting to have something wrong [with us]"

(Again, I could make a separate vent post about what she says during literally every argument)

- told me (us) to "stop saying 'we' for Christ's sake!" (We will not.)

- she decided I (we) need to bring her "actual sources" of why I (we) believe it's DID/OSDD.

Which meant to us that we were gonna stay up all night doing extensive research.

Or that was the plan, before the denial set in.

(Recreation of Denial spiral below, just to throw it out to the void and be able to come back to it later to disprove I guess?? Could be triggering (lots of repetitive phrases, disbelief of trauma, derealization/depersonalization, there's a lot in here.)

What if she's right and I'm not a system? What if it's not DID or OSDD and I'm just desperate to make it into something? What if I actually don't have trauma and I'm secretly an endo??? (Any headmate tries to talk to me) You're not real, shut up. Why did I do this to myself? I ruined my life over something that's not even happening! Why did I let it get this far? Why am I still perpetuating this if it's not true?? It was never a problem until I did weed and "opened doors" that was just weed! I'm making up trauma that's not real! I want so bad to be traumatized so I can feel justified to be mad at my parents when really I'm just an entitled little bitch who's never had anything happen to them and needs to pretend they're worse off than they are! She has real trauma! She's actually been through real abuse and they've never done anything to me other than yell and that doesn't mean anything and I'm just a crybaby for being scared of getting yelled at they never actually threaten me (why do you remember the "I'll give you something to cry about" threat/phrase then???) and I cried over nothing all the time for no reason and I've just always been afraid of nothing. I can't believe I'm actually sitting here thinking about doing all this research just to prove a point?? Just to prove her wrong? That doesn't mean anything! That's not a good reason! I shouldn't even bother. This is a waste of my time. I should just tell her she's right and move on. It's not DID and (Losing my train of thought trying to write this, Jesus) I've just convinced myself it is but it's not. I've made it out to be more than it is so they'll care and that didn't work anyway. I can't believe this is happening right now. There's no way I got this far. That all of this really happened over nothing. They were just characters in my head! Why did I ever start believing more than that when I don't have trauma! Nothing that bad has ever happened to me and all these thoughts that keep coming up are fake and even if some of this stuff was trauma it wasn't in my childhood so it's not relevant. I spend too much time on the internet and I shouldn't just believe all of this stuff. What do I think I'm actually "relating" too? I should've just left it at Maladaptive Daydreaming and been fine. I've made everything worse for myself. There was a reason I stopped doing research on DID years ago! 'Cause I don't have trauma and I can't sit here and pretend I do. Why am I doing this?

(Etc etc etc. Front changed while writing this. I've been in co the whole time but Parker needed to step back for their own comfortability.)

We went back n forth for a while about a bunch of this stuff. Had a number of headmates hop in co-front just to prove a point, only for Parker to continue to tell them they're not real and it's "all me and I'm faking" bro you are at that point proving a point to yourself but okay.

Anyway, eventually Kiara took front and started on research anyway. We were up til 5am. Didn't finish but marked all our tabs so we could go back and finish it up the next day (yesterday). Did not get back to it yesterday 'Cause Parker got anxious.

We now have a deadline to present this shit. We've got a psych appointment tomorrow morning and Mom's leaving on Thursday to visit a friend. So we should get to it today. But they're really not ready for that conversation. Unfortunately we (Lio) told our psychiatrist that we might actually get to that conversation with our parents before our next appointment so now Parker feels like we have to. And if we don't then they'll be anxious about it the entire time Mom's gone which is also not productive.

There's a worry that if any of the rest of us try to explain it then it won't be taken seriously because we're not them. This whole situation is exhausting. We weren't planning on trying to have this conversation yet and now we're so rushed and there's a lot more pressure.

In any case, there's a chance we'll post an update if/when it happens.

If you've read this far, any kind of support would be appreciated. <3

-❤️

#system denial #abuse mention #spiral #emotional abuse #verbal abuse #depersonalisation and derealisation #pooger.txt #fuckboi/pos #dissociative system #osddid #did osdd #system vent #vent post #personal vent #endos dni

[luxaryllis]

Scared!Younger Sibling!Reader with Riddle Rosehearts: Alternate Endings

Note: Like the Vil's younger sibling one, this will have all 4 alternate endings.

The first 2 will be angsty, the last 2 will be happy endings.

Now then, I would just like to apologize for the long wait this took haha-

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 2.5 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Alternate Endings (here) | Mini-interactions

But anyway, let's get to it!

Warning/s: Major character death, Use of OC, Angst, Mentions/implications of hallucination, depression, su*cide, etc, Triggering topics, Actual su*cide, Self-harm, Mentions of child abuse, Past toxic relationship, Plot divergence, Memory loss Tell me if I missed anything

---

Alternate Ending 1: Regret, Blame, and What Isn't There: Bad Ending 1

Riddle runs to [Name] as soon as the overblot phantom behind them went away.

"[Name]! [Name], are you alright?!"

Riddle takes his younger sibling and puts their head on his lap, not caring about the ink around them.

Riddle tries to shake his younger sibling, but receives no response at all.

They just laid there, not responding at all.

Riddle checked for signs of breathing but... found none.

Riddle's eyes widen, 'no... had they been too late...?'

Riddle knew that it took quite a while for them to defeat [Name] because of their Unique Magic (which not only takes away magic but paralyzes and silences people). But he thought that there would still be hope.

Hope that Riddle would still be with his younger sibling.

Hope that his younger sibling would actually forgive Riddle.

But no.

Now, there's no chance for it at all.

Not a single chance that fate would be kind to [Name].

Riddle cries as he realizes that [Name] won't ever be coming back.

He realizes that [Name] would no longer be able to hear the apologies Riddle wants to say to them.

He realizes that... he was the reason why they overblotted.

Had he not forced them along with him, they wouldn't have overblotted.

Had he not snapped at them, they wouldn't have overblotted.

Had he not been so influenced by his mother's actions, they wouldn't have overblotted.

Had he not been in [Name]'s life, they wouldn't have overblotted.

It was all his fault.

His fault...

It was because of him that his sibling couldn't have a normal life.

It was because of him that they had to deal with such trauma.

It was because of him that they had to live in fear of getting hit and scolded.

It was never because of [Name]...

It was all because of Riddle.

Riddle was the reason why everything bad started to happen to [Name].

He's the reason they got the shorter end of the stick.

And because of him...

They had to go...

To a place where he can't follow.

When really...

It should have been him to go...

He should have been the one to die.

Not [Name].

He should have been the one to have suffered everything.

Not [Name].

Why was life so unfair to [Name]; much more than it was unfair to him..

[Name] did nothing wrong. Riddle was the one who messed things up.

So why...

Why was [Name] the one who had to suffer for his actions?

Why did they have to receive this kind of treatment?

When Riddle should have been the one to take it.

He was their older sibling.

He was supposed to be their protector and safe place.

He was supposed to take care of them.

But what he's done was the opposite.

He has done nothing an older brother should have done.

He should be the one receiving the punishment for what he's done.

...

When Finian saw Riddle's despaired expression, he knew what happened.

....he was never going to be able to see his best friend again.

Not anymore.

Because [Name] is gone.

Finian's heart broke.

No...

Why them?

Why did it have to be them?

Finian's bottom lip trembles as he falls to the floor, crying and sobbing.

Finian was a sensitive and empathetic person.

He was the one who helped [Name] see the truth that they shouldn't be treated like this.

Finian was the more emotional one of the two.

He cries and laughs, and some would say that he expresses what [Name] can't.

Finian was truly aware of [Name]'s suffering...

But he didn't do anything against Mrs. Rosehearts or Riddle at that time.

He never did.

Finian realizes that he should have.

He shouldn't have been so timid and shy and sensitive back then.

Because if he wasn't like his old self, [Name] (and Riddle) would have been surrounded by better people.

And things wouldn't have ended like this.

It truly wasn't fair for [Name] Rosehearts.

And it wasn't fair for Finian White either.

He's lost the only person who truly understood what he felt.

He's lost the only person who's actually ever stuck with him.

He's lost his best friend.

Because he was too shy and cowardly to go against Mrs. Rosehearts.

Because he thought it was best for them that he'd give away some information to Riddle.

...

Ever since that day, Riddle wasn't the same.

He wouldn't speak unless absolutely needed, he would barely eat food, and just grew into some hollow shell of himself.

He would do the required things to do to keep himself alive. But he only did the bare minimum.

He wouldn't hold conversation, but would try to keep everyone following the rules.

But he wasn't as passionate or as enthusiastic as he used to be.

He wouldn't shout, or scold people.

The entirety of Heartslabyul Dorm was worried for the Ex-Dorm Leader.

Ah yes, did I forget to mention that he stepped down from his position as Dorm Leader of Heartslabyul?

While most wanted him to have lessened on the rules before, this was a new level of "relaxed but still follow rules".

And people were also quite creeped out about it.

After all, everyone was used to a loud and strict Riddle. So seeing Riddle so... despondent and just... done with everything was... strange.

Everyday, Riddle blames himself for what happened to [Name].

He should have been faster, more powerful, better, kinder, just anything better than what he is.

If so, he would have been able to save [Name].

Every night, he'd cry himself to sleep, his thoughts haunting him as he continues to spiral down into an even more hollow version of himself.

It goes to the point where...

Riddle can't seem to feel anymore.

He's cried all he can.

He's screamed into his pillow all he can.

He's done all he can.

But he can't take it anymore.

He doesn't want to take it anymore.

What does life expect him to do?

What does anyone expect him to do?

He's tired.

He's done.

He is finished with life.

He doesn't care about what happens anymore.

He just can't find it in himself to even care.

...

And Finian, himself, has started to depend on denial to cope.

No...

There's nothing for him to cope.

They are still alive.

They are still alive.

They will still be alive.

They aren't dead.

In fact...

They're right in front of him right now.

Yeah...

Finian is talking to his old friend.

They always have been talking.

Ahahahaha...

What do these people mean, 'they're dead' and 'there's no one there'?

They're wrong!

His friend is RIGHT THERE.

Alive, well, happy, and physically there.

No matter what anyone tries to tell Finian, it's like they're talking to a wall.

Just like how Finian talks to a wall, having a conversation with [Name].

---

Alternate Ending 2: Apologies And Regrets Mix Into A Mess: Bad Ending 2

"Please, I'm so sorry! Come back, please!! I'll... I'l do anything just please!!"

Ray screams into something.

Oh wait..

No...

Not 'something'

But someone.

Well...

What used to be someone.

...

Who that someone was?

Why, who else but Riddle Rosehearts.

The Dorm Leader of Heartslabyul is now nothing but a body with no spirit.

He was hit quite hard from an attack that Ray made during his overblot.

He had attacked them as well, but was unable to dodge the blast of light sent to him.

Luckily, Riddle's last attack had finished the overblot.

But Riddle could no longer continue.

He was dead.

And [Name] could never see him again.

They'll never be able to apologize and reconcile with him.

It's all their fault.

It's all their fault that it went like this.

If only they hadn't overblotted...

If only they hadn't gotten so angry at Riddle...

If only they had stayed quiet and obedient...

If only they had acted like they were raised to act like...

Then Riddle wouldn't have died...

Then Finian wouldn't have died either...

No...

No, no...

Finian is alive...

He's... he's going to be fine, right?

He just disappeared...

That doesn't mean he's gone, right?

He isn't dead.

He just left.

Yeah...

[Name] isn't alone.

They won't be alone.

They don't wanna be alone...

They don't want to go through all that...

Not like this...

They don't even want to live...

Not if they're alone.

Not if no one's going to be there to comfort them...

They don't want to go on.

...

[Name] was....

Not okay.

They were never the same anymore.

Though it did seem that they had moved on..

They hadn't.

They never did.

And they never will.

[Name] looks at their wrist, multiple lines cut across it. Some were new, others were quite old.

They look at the knife in their other hand, dry blood on the blade.

Quietly crying, [Name] cuts another line on their wrist.

The pain made [Name] feel numb. Well, they always have felt numb...

The pain never seemed to even bother them anymore.

Even more blood fell from their wrist, but [Name] couldn't care less.

They didn't want to feel a thing.

In fact, they deserve the pain.

They deserve to feel this way.

They deserve to die.

Like what mother said...

'Riddle died?! Dear Sevens, [Name], what have you done?! Goodness, you should have died instead of your brother!!'

That was what mother told them...

Yeah...

They deserve this.

They should have been the one to die.

Not Riddle...

They don't deserve to live anymore.

And mother wants them dead anyway.

So, as the ever-so obedient child they are, [Name] followed their mother's wishes.

---

Alternate Ending 3: New Memories To Replace The Old Ones: Good Ending 1

[Name] walks around with a smile on their face, laughing with Cater.

"Hahahahaha, oh great sevens, my stomach hurts from laughing so much."

And their cheeks have started to feel painful from the constant smiling.

[Name] doesn't remember being this happy before; though, they don't remember a thing at all, so it was understandable.

What it Cater isn't who they think he is...

But [Name] just can't shake away how... out of place they feel right now.

Yet at the same time, they feel as though everything is right. But wrong at the same time...

And that the entirety of Heartslabyul have been lying to them...

Cater notices the distant look on his underclassmen's face and slightly panics.

'Oh no... have they caught on...?'

He calls out to [Name] and continues talking to them.

"So, anyway, did you know that there was a time Trey..."

[Name] quickly dissmisses their strange thoughts and focuses on their older brother, Cater.

After all, they feel so happy with Cater, and their friends! And though they may have forgotten everything, they suppose that it doesn't hurt to make new memories for themselves.

...

Riddle watches as [Name] walks around with Cater Diamond.

He feels a painful tug in his chest as he watches them laugh.

Riddle was about to approach them until he remembered.

He wasn't [Name]'s big brother anymore.

They were no longer [Name] Rosehearts.

Now, they are [Name] Diamond.

Now, to them, Riddle was just their Dorm Leader. Nothing more, nothing less.

After their overblot, [Name] had completely forgotten everything.

And by everything, I mean everything.

From their name, age, height, family, and even their friends.

As if they were given a completely clean and new slate.

The remember nothing about their mother, or about Riddle, or about Finian, or about well...

Anything.

When Riddle had told [Name] about themselves, he was about to move onto the topic of their family.

Until he came to the realization.

If they didn't know anything about their family, about their mother, about him, they wouldn't suffer anymore.

So, right on the spot, Riddle says that their older brother was Cater.

Cater, and everyone else in the room, were all surprised and perplexed.

When everyone had finished the visit, everyone approaches Riddle, asking why he said that.

Riddle explains his thought that if [Name] didn't know who he was to them, and didn't know what their mother (and Riddle himself) has done to them, [Name] wouldn't feel the need to be so sad anymore.

Cater, though reluctant, agreed (half-heartedly; he couldn't bear having to keep such a secret to his underclassman like this) and said that he would try to convince his family about it.

Trey asked Riddle why he didn't choose him or the other students.

Riddle replies that since Cater is from another country, it'd be easier to keep [Name] from their mother, thus keeping them safe.

...

And Riddle was fine with that, he really was.

As the older brother, he's ready to sacrifice even his own role and identity just to keep his younger sibling safe.

So, Riddle watches the Diamond "siblings" in jealousy.

If only he and [Name] were like that too...

No.

Riddle shakes his head.

If [Name] is happy, Riddle is happy.

[Name] is happy with Cater as their big brother, not with Riddle as their big brother.

So...

At least for the sake of their happiness, Riddle will let himself step aside, and no longer be an older brother.

---

Alternate Ending 4: Familial Reconciliation: Good Ending 2

Riddle and [Name] look at each other, quite awkwardly. They were in the infirmary, with [Name] on the bed and Riddle standing in front of them.

"Hey, I'm-"

"Big brother, I'm-"

Both stop when they realize they spoke at the same time.

"You go first, big brother."

"No, no, [Name]. You can say what you wanted to say."

"No, please. I... I insist."

Riddle looks at his younger sibling, nodding and taking a deep breath.

"Ah... very well then."

"I... I know that you already know this but I'd like to say again. I am very sorry for my actions. And just... for everything. I've realized that my sudden change might have made you uncomfortable and my actions would have also made you be a lot more self-conscious. And I'm very sorry. I'm sorry my actions and words have caused you so much pain, to the point you even overblotted. I know I don't deserve youe forgiveness, but please accept my apology."

Riddle says, earnestly and sincerely bowing his head to [Name].

[Name] takes a deep breath as well, trying to collect their thoughts and replies.

"I... I need some time... everything's just been going fast and stuff and I'm still trying to process everything. But... apology accepted. I... it will take some time for me to try forgiving you but... uhh..."

Their voice weakens at the end, but Riddle nods at them to continue.

"But... you can't just apologize... I... can you... try proving it that... you have changed...? I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm... not making any sense, am I?"

"No, no, you're good. I understand what you mean. And yes, I... I'll try my best."

Riddle smiles gently at his sibling and [Name] feels their heart flutter.

That's... the first time their brother has smiled at them.

Tears well up in [Name]'s eyes and they fall slowly, making Riddle jump.

"Ah! Please don't cry! W-was it something I said or..?"

[Name] shakes their head, softly wiping their tears away.

"No, it's just... I'm... I'm glad..."

Riddle smiles again and goes to hug [Name], stopping just next to them, silently asking if they're okay with it.

The older Rosehearts gets his answer when his younger sibling pulls him into a hug.

Both smile and hug each other for probably the first time in their lives.

...

A few days have passed and Riddle has always done his best to show everyone, especially [Name], that he's changed.

He didn't forcefully approach them anymore and [Name] has been trying to learn not to flinch when they see Riddle.

Though, old habits die hard, and while they both do face some hiccups here and there, they do eventually reconcile.

...

A few years later, both have left their mother to pursue their own careers.

Riddle has become a professional and successful lawyer by the time.

And the Rosehearts siblings' bond is stronger than ever.

While [Name] still does have a tendency to flinch when Riddle shouts, it's gone down and happens rarely.

And while Riddle also has a tendency to let his anger get the best of him, he's learned to try controlling it and expressing his feelings in a safer way.

Now, they look at a picture taken during Riddle's third year graduation and [Name]'s second year graduation.

Both had happy smiles on their faces and were side hugging each other.

Looking at the picture, [Name] softly smiles, "We sure have come a long way, huh Riddle?"

Riddle smiles as well and hugs his dear sibling, "Why yes, we have, [Nickname]."

The Rosehearts siblings have come a long way.

And while many struggles were faced, they pushed through and bonded together.

"I love you, big bro."

"I love you more, little sibling."

"No, I do."

"Mmmm... no. I do."

Laughter fills the house of the Rosehearts siblings.

A happily ever after for them, indeed.

---------------

END!

There you go!

The wait is over my comrades! /hj

Anyway, here you go!

The alternate endings for Riddle's Younger Sibling.

Also, do note that you're still free to ask for things about this fic series!

Thank you all so much for reading!! 💙

Comments and feedback are very much welcome and appreciated!! 💙💙

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst platonic #twst sibling reader #twst angst #twst fluff #riddle rosehearts

[needle-noggins]

Ah yes, the Fifth Moon Prequel, aka Lost July, in Vol. 5. I cried for a solid ten minutes reading this scene and I'm probably going to cry again while writing this post, but who cares, I have a duty to perform as the unofficial book club analyst of Vash's assault trauma. Also, ouch for Knives to say how much he hates Rem before assaulting Vash. Insult to injury. ANYWAY:

First off, I really like how I could understand this scene just based on my understanding of Knives' power/the twins' link in Stampede - Knives is able to pull Vash into this weird mindscape, or Vash is just remembering, but either way - it's cool how you can tell what's in the past based on the plain black background. And Knives' stupid little beverage... I hope he chokes on it.

Uh, hey guys? Hey, boys? What are your seeds that contain this power, why are you asking Vash to resonate with you, why does it feel hot, and why does it end in an amazing feeling of release?

Where's the rape/non-con tag when you need it?

This needs no explanation.

Sorry I thought the baby angel arm was cute.

The thing about July that is so different from Fifth Moon, though, is that while Vash was experimented on first (oh yeah, more loss of body autonomy: forced medical procedures/experimentation!) and his angel arm was triggered by Knives, he had more control over the endgame situation this time - barely. Knives makes the mistake of taking Vash's face and pushing him to the ground face-up, and Vash uses that opportunity to point the angel arm at Knives. He's so angry and afraid that he shoots. Not going to go into detail as there's another amazing post floating around about Vash shooting Knives but oof, does that backfire on our poor boy. Meanwhile, in Juenora Rock, Knives purposefully goes behind Vash to get better control and stay out of the firing range. Both instances involve some unwanted changes to Vash's body and loss of control, both instances involve the two in, uh, compromising positions.

Knives is more than capable of destroying towns himself, but that wouldn't be as fun for him, I guess, as desperately trying to show his brother that he's a monster who should be hated by humans. His logic is so Fucked Up and that's that on overwhelming fear and perpetuating cycles of trauma.

#trigunbookclub #hey i didn't cry! probs because making these posts scares me #cw sa mention #cw assault #cw rape #sorry folks ive done it again #also aside: people who ship plantcest: what the actual fuck is wrong with you. i'll just say it #yes the assault is there but why would you.... enjoy this #you can recognize a thing as true to an extent without. ya know. actively shipping it and enjoying it. #and that is something i wont apologize for saying

[ichtios]

15.04.2023

it's a cold, rainy morning, and while walking with my dog I met no humans but only these two ducks. A couple actually. Just chilling in puddles.

Anyways I'm full time processing childhood trauma rn and it is hardcore, but I guess it is some Very Important Step. I was rather quiet as a child, I rarely cried (actually I can't remember myself crying) but I was scared a lot. And I was alone being scared. I remember many times sitting in the corner on my bed, curling, and being so afraid, so afraid, praying to God (that I knew existed though I hadn't known Him much yet). I prayed that my parents wouldn't divorce when I heard them arguing because I was so scared they would and that would mean the end of the world. I was scared when I learned about childbearing (I thought that as a woman you just have go through it and I was absolutely terrified). I was scared when being maybe 10yo I saw exhibitionist in a car when I was walking alone to church. I was scared when I did something bad. I was scared so many times, and alone with my fear, no one to comfort me or explain to me, or talk to me, and let me cry about it and feel safe.

And now, for some days now, I experience this overwhelming waves of emotions rising up suddenly to my throat, eyes, nose, like a huge baloon. And it's a feeling like you wanna burst into tears but not just tears but full blown ugly crying screaming tantrum.

It is triggered by the smallest things. And I guess it is all these emotions stored in that little child, and because of my life circumstances (which I haven't elaborated here on), it just came all up finally and it wants to get out and get healed, and feel seen and safe and comforted. And it is hard to take care of that scared baby, as I never had children and I'm not sure how to handle it, but I will try my best.

#inner child #diary #Poland #Warsaw #Rain #saturday #childhood trauma #processing

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Day 195.4: Hobbies

Start here, if you'd like.

Draco hadn't been raised to be brave but he had been raised to get his way.

Potter, on the other hand, had been raised to be both brave and stubborn, so Draco was going to have to be a little sneaky in order to get what he wanted.

Draco had been running in concentric circles with Granger for years at this point; her work with memory care and restoration, and Draco's work with trauma magi-care, had a great deal of overlap. They'd had a civil and pleasant, if formal, working relationship since they started working in this field and Draco apologized for his behavior in his youth.

Getting Granger to invite him to the muggle pub for drinks, with some of the former Gryffindors, on Friday had been easy. It was as simple as telling Granger about his terrible day and she was inviting him out before he could say boo.

He kept himself from grinning as he replied, "I couldn't possibly intrude."

"Nonsense!" she said, pinning a curl back off of her face. "Don't be absurd. There's always a rotation of people coming and going, what's one more? We all could use a drink after a difficult day like today. Besides," she added, glancing at him out of the corner of her eye, "Harry will be there and he still hasn't shut up about having lunch with you on Tuesday."

He raised an eyebrow, "Oh?"

"Mmm," she hummed as she packed her purse for the evening. "He told us so much about you," she laughed, "not realizing that we literally work together. There was so much he missed," she added absently, "those three years he was away."

After a moment, she turned and smiled at him, "Anyway. We'd love to have you join us for drinks if you're free."

(read more below the cut)

Thus began Draco's weekly drinks with Potter and the Gryffindors. He and Potter got on surprisingly well and it was only a matter of time before the two of them ended up having lunch together once a week. And then one week, they added in dinner and a movie night because Draco hadn't ever seen 'The Lion King' and Harry found his lack of movie knowledge disturbing.

The thing was, Harry didn't seem like he was struggling. He didn't seem like he was just trying to avoid anything triggering his trauma by avoiding his old life. He seemed like he was actually rather content with the life he had.

It didn't seem to matter what Draco brought up, how he tried to nudge at potential triggers, Harry didn't seem to have any signs that he hadn't worked on his trauma. He'd cried, he'd listened, he'd talked, he'd laughed, and all in all Harry seemed... fine.

He seemed fine.

More than that, he seemed like he was good; like he was thriving. It didn't make any sense and it made Draco want to know him even more.

The only thing that was strange was that Potter avoided touching people. He was always careful about where his body was, always aware of the people around him, and the way he was moving.

Short of anything else to try, one night when they were watching 'Dirty Dancing' (one of Harry's favorites, he'd confessed before putting in the dvd), Draco slid his hand toward the center of the couch, leaving it mere centimeters away from Harry's. And then he waited.

He didn't have to wait too long for the magic to flare, Harry shifted and their hands brushed together, and that spark of energy raised up the hairs on Draco's arm; the raw, relentless power of Harry's magic brushing over his skin, wrapping Draco's every nerve in light and heat. Draco couldn't stop the way he shuddered, mouth dropping open in a silent gasp as he flushed.

"Godric, Draco," Harry startled, snatching his hand away, "Shit. I'm sorry." He reached toward him, like he was going to touch him again to check on him, then stopped himself. "Are you alright?"

"Fine," he breathed, his own magic rushing under his skin, as he closed his eyes and tried to reorient himself.

Harry paused the movie, "Look at me," he requested, voice tight. Draco's eyes slid over to meet his, "Tell me you're alright. That was a bit of a surge."

"I'm fine," he said again.

"Not hurt?"

He shook his head, "No. It didn't hurt at all. It-" he broke off and bit his lip, eyes closing again as an echo of the memory of it brushed over him again.

"What?" Harry asked, sounding desperate and anxious.

Draco licked his lower lip, mouth suddenly dry. "It didn't hurt," he repeated. "Your magic definitely wasn't trying to hurt me."

Harry narrowed his eyes, eyes skimming over Draco's face and he felt his cheeks and neck go even hotter. "If it wasn't trying to hurt you," he repeated slowly, "What was it trying to do?"

He looked away, flushing even more deeply, "I'm not sure," he said, because that was true. "Would you like to-" he broke off, biting his lip, "Do you want to try again and see?"

The other man shook his head quickly, "I could hurt you," he replied immediately, as though it had been drilled into his head. "We don't know the kind of effects long term exposure could have-"

And that was definitely his healer talking. "Harr-" he interrupted before stopping himself at the sight of Harry's magic sparking in his hands. "Salazar," he breathed, reaching toward Harry's hand. The magic was beautiful, bright and clear light, dancing across his palms. His fingers were millimeters away when Harry stopped him.

"Don't," Harry said, eyes snapping to look at Draco as he pulled his hands back further.

Draco dropped his hand, "Is it like that everywhere or just your palms?" he asked.

"Both," Harry replied. "My hands are the most volatile but if someone with magic touches a different part of my body, they can still get shocked. It's unstable," he said, as though admitting this was simply a fact at this point. "It got so that it was constant," he added. "I tried to explain that my magic sometimes spiraled, but," he broke off, shrugging helplessly.

"They never like to listen," he finished. "I'm a healer," he said again, softly, in spite of how ridiculous it was to repeat this fact.

"I know."

He looked up at the other man, his eyes catching on Harry's green ones, so open and so full of vulnerability. "Not because I'm attempting to cure you, but because I am insatiably curious, could I?" he asked, reaching for Harry's upturned hand.

The bursts of light came quicker, dancing across his palm.

"It's anxiety induced," Draco breathed.

Potter nodded, "Best they could figure."

"May I?" he asked again. "If I don't touch it, could I just cast a spell to understand better?"

There was a pause, then Harry bit his lip and extended his hand.

Draco let his palm hover a few inches over Harry's, shivering a little at the feel of his magic whispering over his palm. He cast a wandless diagnostic that sent an information pattern spiraling around his palm. "Fascinating," he breathed.

"What is?"

He glanced up from the pattern swirling around his palm, "Did they tell you about what was happening with your magical core?"

Harry shook his head, "Not really."

"Well," he said, licking his lips again, "it appears that it's," he paused, uncertain how to say it, "expanded. For lack of a better word. Your core seems to be brushing the confines of your body."

"Stellar," Harry said sarcastically.

"You must feel it all the time," he said, as much to himself as to Harry at this point, "just surging and breaking against your skin. How do you manage it?"

Harry cleared his throat, "It's not so bad all the time and it doesn't hurt me, it just-" he shrugged, "it feels like warm and nice. Tingly."

He hummed, "That's what it felt like to me, too."

"Yeah?" he asked, head tilting to the side as he looked at Draco like he was trying to puzzle him out.

"Yeah," he breathed, noticing that both of them were leaning toward the other. "Can I kiss you?" he whispered, desire firing along every neuron. He could almost imagine it, Harry's magic surging around him, though him, it made him breathless with desire.

Harry blinked, "Do you want to?"

"Very much."

He watched as Harry's tongue slipped out to wet his bottom lip, "What if I hurt you?" he whispered.

"You won't," Draco replied, closing the distance between them and pressing his lips to Harry's. Magic surged between them, bright and hot and clean, and Draco moaned into Harry's mouth. He clenched his fists in the fabric of Harry's flannel shirt, pulling him closer. And Harry hummed against Draco's mouth, opening for his tongue and allowing Draco to lick into his mouth to taste the sharp, metallic sweetness of his magic.

He slipped a hand around Harry's waist and pulled him closer, tilting his head to gain better access and to allow Harry to explore him more fully in return.

Harry moved and his fingers skimmed up his neck, leaving trails of tingling fire in his wake. Draco gasped, awash in sensation, his mouth fell open and Harry snatched his hands back, pulling away. "Sorry," he gasped. "Sorry, I-"

"Don't stop," he said, nearly delirious with desire as he reached for Harry's hands.

"You should go," Harry said pulling further back and wrapping his arms around himself, tucking his hands away from Draco. "I don't have enough control."

"I don't-"

"Please," the other man begged, "I can't-" he took a shuddering breath. "I can't control it. I-"

"It's okay," he said, reaching toward him.

"Don't," he snapped, standing up from the couch. "Leave. Please."

His heart twisted in his chest, when had he started seeing Harry as someone he could love instead of as someone he could heal? "I-"

"Just go," Harry said.

He stood and made his way toward the door, "You weren't hurting me."

"Not yet," Harry replied, voice so achingly soft that Draco didn't quite know what to say.

Draco put on his shoes and left without another word, not entirely sure what he could say, and more confused than he'd been since he'd walked into that pottery shop and found Harry sitting behind the wheel.

----------------

oof. read on.

#drarry #potter harry potter #healer draco #falling in love #slowish burn #apparently #the author is still a dirty-rotten liar #the end is planned in my head #oof #love #part 4

[alfiely-art]

Ok so I was in the middle of sending an ask for the Miu rage rant polite request like two separate times already but the app kept crashing and doing the wacky to prevent me from speaking on the matter oh well hope they didnt get sent anyway😔😔.... I have NO idea what she does I'll be honest I was too busy only caring about Ouma and Kiibo petrol puddle yaoi and Momota slander material to remember anything about Miu Danganronpa

*SMACKS TABLE REALLY HARD* rant incoming.

Okay so. Miu is a character that COULD be really great. If they changed nearly everything about her

She's insecure and lonely, and that results in her acting loud and sexual 24/7. That's an interesting character! You can do a lot with that! But they do not. They just have her sexually harrass Kaede, Shuichi, and Kiibo (and others.) Oh and call Gonta slurs.

From the very second we meet her, she's being an asshole to Kaede and constantly talking about her boob size and making fun of her. Yk how Shinigami gets when Kurumi pops up on screen? Miu is like that but whenever anyone is on screen. Kaede (thankfully) argues back and doesn't just take it, but. That sadly does not last forever. And then suddenly in DRS they're besties!!! While Miu is still making snide comments on her body!!! And Kaede there is just "oh miu!! So silly!!!"

Her FTEs are just. Her sexually harassing Shuichi. He's easy to pick on because he's insecure and shy, and Miu just fuckin runs with it. However Shuichi is only allowed to hate Kokichi so he just goes "Oh miu!! So silly!!!" Even when Miu triggers Ryoma. Like. She deadass triggers him and Ryoma is clearly upset and Ryoma and Shuichi go off to help Ryoma feel better but they don't. Do anything about it. Nobody yells at her or ANYTHING. Kokichi breathes and he's screamed at yet Miu can do whatever she wants apparently

Then. The way she treats Kiibo. Ourgh. At rhe beginning they hate each other. Miu sees Kiibo as useless, as a hunk of junk. Kiibo sees Miu as a vulgar, rude, shitty person. Then, suddenly, in chapter 3, they're suddenly besties and we get rhe maintenance scene (which. Kiibo didn't consent to that at all and people treat it as such a romantic scene aren't they cute together as Kiibo tells her to stop???/sarc). Like I'm not even kidding. During the trial they're hating on each other and then the NEXT DAY Shuichi walks in on the maintenance scene. It comes out of nowhere. Yes I know characters can develop without the protag seeing it but it honestly just feels like they realized none of the characters like Miu, even if they let her harass others. So Kiibo, the guy who's bullied by everybody and clearly has some confidence issues, gets shoved to be a romantic interest for Miu, the girl who forces herself on everybody and insults anyone about anything. It doesn't even matter because Kiibo makes one comment about feeling sad after Miu dies and that's it. One. ONE. If Kiibo's dad was in DRS he would've started a killing game over how everybody treats his kid, especially Miu

The only time she's not making me scream is when she's bantering with Kokichi and Gonta, but even then there's limits. Like. Wow she called the guy who's already insecure about his intelligence despite being a SCIENTIST slurs about how he isn't smart. Thank God Kokichi doesn't take shit and gets insults thrown at her to shut her up.

DRS isn't cannon but the way she acts is just... worse?? But thankfully Ishimaru my beloved is there. She flashes the WOH (you know. The children who have extreme trauma. The group of children with Kotoko in it.) And Ishimaru goes off on her and she cries, and IM SO GLAD NOBODY GETS ON ISHIMARU'S CASE. THANK YOU. HES RIGHT. Ishimaru with the hot take that you shouldn't flash children regardless of whether they seem upset about it or not. In DRS she's not insecure at all, she's literally just a predator. People were worried Haiji would get in the game but they forgot Miu is a creep too

And what gets me is that I COULD like Miu. I COULD like her most popular ships (which are. With the people she sexually harrases and abuses the most.). I just can't because the fandom has decided to ignore any bad traits about her in order to make a wholesome cute ship out of these characters. I saw someone deadass say that disliking Miu is misogyny AND ableism, because Miu is autistic and disliking her means you hate all autistic people. They say her special interest is sex. No it's NOT you do not know what a special interest is!!!!!!!! I'm not even autistic and I know the way she acts is not due to sex being a special interest she's just a fucking creep who wants to prove to herself that everyone finds her hot and desireable!!!!

If Miu had gotten any sort of pushback or growth or anything I would've liked her way more. But she stays the same the entire game. All she does is aggressively insult/pursue characters, give an invention or two, and die. She's just... so infuriating. When Shinigami gets annoying about Yuma and other women, it gets on my nerves, but I still like her because she has more to her character than that. Miu has. Literally nothing. Her insecurity is just used as an excuse for what she does- she only acts insecure when it benefits her, like when someone yells at her for FLASHING CHILDREN I CANT FUCKING GET OVER THAT. "Kids love this kind of stuff" YOU ARE REFERRING TO THE CHILDREN WITH SOME OF THE CRUELEST BACKSTORIES EVER. ARENT YOU SUPPOSED TO BE. SMART. LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE CAN TELL THAT THEYVE BEEN THROUGH SOMETHING EVEN IF THEY DONT KNOW THE NITTY GRITTY DETAILS. I just. How do you make a character that is JUST Sexual Pervert Creep and then somehow have her become popular. Hifumi has more character than her. Teruteru has more character than her. And they never cross the line as often or as far as she does. I just don't understand how the fandom can see her as an uwu quirky autism girl!!!! She's legitimately a bad person and is infinitely more interesting when you acknowledge that and do something with that. Heck. One of my favorite characters of all time is also a scientist with a weird, creepy relationship with a robot/doll. The difference is that the game AND the fandom acknowledge that he is a Bad Person, and let's him be complex and interesting without trying to water him or the relationship down. Can we PLEASE let women be bad people. Like can we do that. I'm tired of the Uwu Innocent Queen thing. I'm tired of the Girl boss thing. Let women be fuckin awful and treated accordingly!!!!!!!!!!

I still can't get over how they made Kiibo a doormat for her, too. I'm sorry. Kiibo would NOT tolerate her behavior he would yell at her and leave. My guy has been bullied and harassed enough to know when someone means it or is just ignorant/is joking. Miu was not joking when she insulted Kiibo she just wanted him to listen to her and praise her. Punching the floor.

I'm not gonna even go into the Love Suite that shit was. Jesus Christ.

Okay this was very long so TLDR: Miu is a creep and the game nor the fandom cares about it in favor of haha sex joke and aw aren't they wholesome (ignore the bullying and harassment)

#big rant #textpost #not main tagging this #answering asks #honestly i couldve kept talking but i knew id spiral into getting incredibly angry about her

[nie7027]

So because I'm in the mood for spooky stuff I'm once again here posting an idea for a supernatural fic but this time I'm making it Hetalia (YAY LETS GO BACK TO THE ROOTS)

I came up with this like months ago (in June) when I was barely getting back into hetalia(because of PRIDE) but left it there until I realized Hey this is perfect for the season and also who I am kidding this research paper isnt getting written anytim- ANYWAY HERES MY FIC IDEA JUST AS I TOLD IT TO MY BESTFRIEND!

For reasons Italy and Germany (it's important that Japan isn't with them) are playing with sobrenatural stuff and Veneziano ends up accidentally breaking something that triggers some kind of guilt curse and becomes haunted by the ghost of HRE seeing him sneaking around and of course freaking the hell out.

It's most probably Japan's old stuff they are fucking around so it makes sense its magic/spiritual and that they want to keep it a secret. (Also guilt onis are very in tone with japanese mythology).

Italy being Italy doesn't talk with anybody about it (HE WONT DARE TOUCH THAT THEME) and just gets scared outta nowhere and whimpers and cries and is miserable to the point he isolates himself in his house.

Nobody knows what's up with him.

Nobody except Germany.

Germany of course gets worried and suspects it has something to do with they thing they did as it was then when everything started but he's not surewjy or how so he tries to reach out and eventually goes to Italy's house to drag him out himself...except...

Except when he gets there he sees a child.

And not just any child. Lol nop

He sees a child version of himself.

Germany is rightly confused.

What is a child version of himself doing there???

He tries to chase the boy but he is unable to catch him and also Italy still doesn't answer to him so he decides to keep coming both to try to talk with Italy and to figure out what's up with the kid.

And finally on one of those days he goes he hears an interesting conversation...

Roderich (Austria) and Erzebeta(Hungary) being the closest thing Italy has to guardians strong arm their way into his room (obviously Hungary is the one who does most of the work) and force him to talk to them so Italy reveals he has been seeing HREs ghost

Hungary and Austria are like 'BUT THATS IMPOSSIBLE ITALY! YOU KNOW HES..." and yeah he knows he's dead. He knows France himself killed him (Austria and Hungary looking super uncomfortable during the whole conversation) but he's there, following him and everytime Italy sees him his heart constricts and he can't bear to look at him.

Austria and Hungary get outta there believing Italy's is having some kind of late response to repressed trauma. That he's having hallucinations.

And it makes sense!

Of course they know the boy has been developing feelings for the German and they also know how much he loved HRE... It can't be easy to fall in love again after going throught something like that

And OH GOD THIS WAS LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME THEY HAD EVER ACTUALLY TALKED ABOUT HRE WITH ITALY AFTER HIS DEATH* AND FUCK THEY DONT EVEN KNOW HOW HE KNOWS HE DIED....

Of course Italy would try to find out, of course he would do his research... canonically-sh it was France who told him but italy also has his own historians and he looked into it until he couldn't anymore and FUCK THEY CANT BELIEVE THEY REALLY FELL FOR ITALYS CHEERY FACADE AND HAPPILY LET HIM DEAL WITH THAT ON HIS OWN.

THEY WERE YOUNG YES BUT THATS NOT AN EXCUSE

No wonder Italy is having issues...

Especially when taken into account that Germany...

..they never were sure... and-

NO ERZEBETH

THE PAST IS IN THE PAST.

THERES NO POINT IN DIGGING UP OLD CORPES.

HRE IS DEAD. HE WASNT THERE TO HELP HIM AND THATS ALL THERES TO IT -Roderich argues, practically screams, the guilt still gnawing him in his insides

All they can do is help Italy go through his issues now.

Germany of course only hears the last part of Italy's conversation with Hungary and Austria before he has to hide so he only learns that yes its the kid, his child self, the one that's causing Italy to suffer so much and

FUCK

Fuck

He knows

(Kinda? )

He knows he had a troubled childhood but he really wasn't expecting just the sight of him could cause Italy so much grief...

In fact... why is his child self even haunting Italy in the first place? Shouldnt he be haunting himself?

Germany tries to confront the child, he chases and chases the child and it's not until he corners him and orders the child to get away from Italy that he gets a reaction

"ITALY IS HIS!" The child screams with all his might

"He won't ever leave Italy!" and "Who does he believes he is to try to separate him from Italy?!" are some of the things the child keeps screaming

And boy Germany might not remember much of his childhood but he's pretty sure Prussia had never told him he was such a brat

But at least this brings a little more of light on the issue.

Germany isn't dumb, he knows himself.

He's aware of his... complicated feelings towards the italian. The memories of a failed valentine date coming to haunt him...

BUT

He also knows he can be a little too selfish and ambitious.

A war mongering state fully capable of starting wars just to get what he believes is his.

A fact he isn't proud of himself

Fully capable of hurting others.

A fact that causes him a lot of guilt to this day.

So, he concludes, his child self somehow became aware of his own feelings for the Italian, latched onto them and is doing what he knows best.

Chasing after the Italian. Unwavering, unstoppable. Hurting him in the meantime

But what's he's supposed to do now?

The child won't leave Italy's side.

He doesn't know how to get rid of him.

He could try distancing himself from Italy.. see if the child somehow also senses this and gets away from the italian... but he isn't sure.

But he can't think on any other option

Now Germany believes he's the one being haunted and that Italy's suffering because of him.

In the meantime Japan as all the other countries is confused as to what the heck is happening.

Suddenly his friends started acting strange with Italy locking himself in his house and Germany looking more and more stressed every day

Of course he found the broken vase in his house, the one talking about a guilt oni.

But canonically Japan doesn't remember magic was an actual everyday thing in the ancient times.

To him is just another of his many relics.

The only thing that made special this case was how well preserved it was despite it being really old, back from his young days he barely remembers

From when he was still under china's care.

But Japan doesn't have any other clue.

All he knows is his friends started acting strange after they visited his house and that the vase is somehow related so he has no choice but suck it up and go ask China.

China whos ancient and remembers everything, even the times when magic was real, immeditaely recognizes the vase and goes OH NO.

"So... Who did you say was closest to the vase when it broke?" China nervously asks.

"I don't know. I wasn't there when it broke" Japan calmly responds, unsure why that would be important. "It could be either Germany or Italy. They both were there."

China who knows he's is in front the remnants of the broken guilt oni container yelps: "Germany?! FUUUUUUUCK"

China also isn't very willing to talk about what's happening with Japan.

Talking about the jar would mean talking about magic with Japan, and THAT would mean talking about old times they both would rather ignore ever happened.

China knows this is also part of the guilt oni doing but fuuuuck he really doesn't want to talk about this.

And because the guilt oni/curse spreads like an illness, infecting everybody that's gets close with guilt and feeding from it, growing and growing until there's no more...

There's another player in this.

Prussia

Prussia who doesn't regret what he did.

Prussia, who, if he were put under the same circumstances would do it again and again. 1000 times over if it was necessary.

Prussia whose only regret is knowing it would break his little brothers heart (and maybe even more) to learn the truth

Prussia who one day comes home to find his little brother clearly trying to hide how much he's freaking out and after hours and hours of pushing and poking finally manages to get him to spill the truth

And when Prussia hears from his brothers lips that Italy is being haunted by his child self he's running out the house as if being chased by the demon himself screaming about ghosts and how super scary that is.

And don't be mistaken.

Prussia isn't a bad brother.

He's an awesome brother who will support his brother in his time of need but first....

This is too risky.

WAY TOO RISKY

As much as he loathes the idea of poor little ita chan suffering he loathes more the idea of what could happen to his brother...

No way I'm hell he was going to take that chance.

He would rather never see Italy again than to lose his brother.

If he couldn't do anything back then when he was powerful much less now than he is barely more than a mere mortal/a shadow of his former self.

And here Gilbert/Prussia is exaggerating.

As much as it would break Germany to know he wouldn't disappear, he's too solid of a state for that...

But Prussia was there.

Prussia saw the last days of HRE. He watched him agonize and no way in hell he's going throught that again.

No way in hell he's abandoning his brother. (No way in hell My boy doesn't have trauma over this)

No, Prussia will deal with this on his own.

He will fix it, just like he has done before.

He will fix it before anything happens and he will be there for his brother once all this is over.

But first he needs information

So, knowing Erzebeta and Roderich had been able to speak to ita chan, he goes and sneaks in Austria's house and has his worst fears confirmed when he hears ita chan has been hallucinating with HREs ghost.

Except now he's the only one who knows that that isn't an hallucination and that both Italy and Germany can see him.

And if Hungary catches him sneaking around and demands to know what he's doing there he will only say that that he was there to execute a surprise attack on the uptight austrian.

And Hungary tries to bring up the card of long formed warrior bonds to get him to talk about that , that that shall not be talked about and he would divert the theme and laugh to her face

Because this is something he is planning to take to his grave.

And that's what I got so far.

*it's my head canon that HREs death became something of a taboo topic in the house. Everybody knew but nobody dared to speak about it. Hungary and Austria never found the way to sit down with Italy and talk with him and Italy while he was still in Roderich's house never asked them not wanting to hear it coming from their mouths, preferring to be in negation and pretend he's still waiting for him to come back even though he knew it wasnt going to happen

Eventually the truth will have to come if they want to get rid of HREs ghost but aint no way in hell Prussia will reveal it so Italy and Germany (and others) have no choice but to face the demons of their past and discover it themselves

The whole every country has a deep seated guilt and the guilt curse will spread like an infectious illness was a nice surprise for myself.

They way it touches on everyone ...

Italy and Germany dealing with the ghost (the lover Italy lost, the reminder that Germany really know who he is and what he is capable), Austria and Hungary's not being able to save HRE nor help Italy. Japan and China having to deal with their broken relationship...

PRUSSIAS EVERYTHING.

God just thinking about Prussia also facing HREs ghost, the failure to save him, to what could happen to Germany if the truth comes out... the ANGST IS SO GOOD in this one.

Even France and Romano (and therefore Spain) could enter into the game with Romano feeling guilty with not knowing how to help Italy despite being his brother and heck even the potato dumbas seemed to know more about what was going on with his brother, as always romano being the last to know his own brother... and Spain is just there watching romano suffer knowing he's partly responsable for the distance between the Italy brothers and once Hungary and Austria learn it was France who told Italy about HREs fate they will eat him alive.

Except France won't stand for that.

1 it was centuries ago when France told Italy that! It's not his fault what's happening to Italy now and 2 Italy deserved to know! He loved him! They loved each other! He wasn't going to stand there and keep quiet for centuries just like Austria and Hungary did.

He wouldn't stand for such disservice to love .

And Frances is obviously being dragged down by the guilt of causing HREs death. France might be Prussia's best friend but i highly doubt Prussia would let him know what really happened with HRE considering the circumstances... Then again even if it hadn't been Frances fault it really is the thing Prussia is the most secretive about.

He himself could have told France that HRE died. Specially because if HRE was super weak and had too many enemies that wanted him dead it would be convenient for him to spread the rumor of his death and who better than France, who both had struck the fatal blow and was connected to every part of the world and had such a stronghold on knowledge after his revolution, to do it.

Once the truth comes out i really need a scene of Germany approaching Prussia and asking him to tell him how was he before... when he was... How was he back then?

And Prussia who has never talked about this with anyone.

Prussia who for centuries kept all that happened to himself.

A burden to never share.

Who even now that the truth is out still doesn't want to talk about it relents.

Because it's his brother who asked. And he will always do whatever Germany asks him

"Truth be told he isn't that different now from how he used to be" he says his heart breaking a little when he sees the brief glimpse of desolation crossing Germany's features.

"He isn't that different but he enough for it to matter. To be another person" Prussia ammends quickly. No way he isnt aware of Germanys identity crisis.

"He has always been serious. Too dutiful for his own good. But... he wasnt as guarded as he is now. It was easier to know what he was feeling.... Even the foot soldiers knew about his crush on little Italy" Prussia says snarking while recalling the last part

And yeah that.

Germany is really surprised to know it turns out he has loved italy his whole life... Then again if he thinks about it it isn't really that surprising. It makes sense

It makes sense even if he's now avoiding the Italian as much as he can since the truth got spilled.

Germany can't help it. He doesn't think he would be able to tolerate it if he sees disappointment in the italian eyes, yearning for a person who doesn't exist anymore.

"Try as he might he wore his heart on his sleeve... And that was part of the reason for his downfall." Prussia keeps saying, wondering not for the first time if Germany had unconciously developed the way he had as a defense mechanism. "More feisty, easily flustered."

"Unlike Germany who was a well behaved boy, HRE wouldn't listen to Prussia... Not in the sense that he would ignore him/dismiss whatever he said but rather than unlike Germany who did whatever Prussia asked him to do without question HRE would have to ponder it. HRE would have to consider all the options and act according to what he deemed best....He had to. He was the head of the empire. He was in charge of all of them... Highly capable and yet so weak. A fragile constitution" Prussia says with finality.

They were nearing on hard topics he really REALLY didn't want to talk about. The brief talk already taken it's toll on him and as much as he owe it to Germany he had already pushed himself too far in one day.

Germany understood it. They had time.

Despite Prussia's worst fears that have been proven wrong... they had time after all.

A huge relief washin over prussias entire being, the relief of putting down a burden he had carried for so long.

They could keep talking about it later

And here the mic drops.

So... how do you like it?

It's good to be back 😎

#hetalia #hws germany #hws italy #hws hre #hws prussia #hws holy roman empire #german bros #gerita #holytalia #aph germany #aph italy #aph hre #aph holy roman empire #uuugh now i remember why i hated tagging hetalia... now with the hws tags its somehow worse #feliciano vargas #ludwig beilschmidt #gilbert beilschmidt #hws north italy #hws italy veneziano #aph north italy #aph italy veneziano #hws austria #hws hungary #aph austria #aph hungary #aph hetalia #hws hetalia #hetalia world stars #nie's writing

[darklydeliciousdesires]

From Blood, Love and Courage - An Angel Reyes/Original Character Story.

So I almost never, ever do this, being as I’m only part way through writing the second chapter, but I just want to test the waters with my audience. I’m feeling unconfident with it, and being that it’s such a battle for A - visibility within tumblr and B - getting more than a handful of people to react with anything other than a like, I thought I’d see if this was worth me actually spending my time writing. So, if you do enjoy it, please do comment and reblog. If it only garners minimal interest, I shan’t continue with it. Sad, but it truly has come to that for a lot of us. Us authors are like plants, water us and we grow. Deny us, and we wither up. I really, really hope it’s a hit!

Words - 4,625

Tag list - In the comments, please message to be added/removed

Warnings - Mentions of rape and the associated trauma of such to come in future chapters. While I do not plan on detailing these overtly graphically, if the subject is a trigger for you, you’d be best not to begin reading this. 18+ content throughout, minors DNI!

The sound of a lone berimbau opening, preceding the scream of guitars filled the air, a few whistles and shouts going up from various members of the crowd. Being a long-time fan of Sepultura, Angel knew exactly what song was currently filtering through the speakers of the venue. Attitude. A strong choice of entrance music for whomever the fighter was making his way to the octagon, although he had no clue over their identity.  

The first two participants in the MMA night he was currently spectating at had been kept a secret, although many in the audience whom were obviously aware of the fighter whose entrance music preceded them cheered their arrival, Angel surprised when behind two big fellas walking down the aisle, emerged a woman.  

“God damnit, Coco! You didn’t tell me this was gonna be some foxy boxing night, man?” he complained, eyes swivelling onto his cohort.  

Coco shrugged, sipping his beer. “Secret billing! I didn’t have a clue either, homes. Anyway, you can’t tell me that shit’s not hot, watching two girls' brawl.” Angel remained silent, his mouth down turning as he thought on that statement, eyebrows rising a little. “Come on! As if you need to contemplate it!”

“It’s hot when they’re brawling over me.”

His words were met with a snort of laughter, Coco bouncing on his heels with amusement, his eyes widening. “And when’s the last time that happened for you, huh? You ain’t exactly swimming in pussy over there, are you? Thinking you’re some Cassanova daddy, pfft.”

Angel narrowed his eyes, unamused as his friends’ observation into the vacancy of his bed. “Fuck you.”  

Coco laughed with mirth, both of them turning their attention to the octagon before them. The announcer had called out the name of the girl fighter, but in his haste to chastise Coco, Angel hadn’t been paying attention. What he did take notice of was the fact that she was hot. Tall, about five seven or thereabouts, a mix of soft curves and lithe muscles, a full sleeve of tattoos reaching her hand on one arm, long, braided black hair, blue eyes and a ridiculously voluminous pout.  

“Bro, she could suck a ping pong ball through a juice box straw with those lips. Am I right?”  

Angel choked on his beer, turning to bump fists with Coco. “Right, man. Although, I ain’t sure I’d want her to. Look at that shit, man. That girl is raging,” he began, watching her stalking around the ring, her jaw set, looking like she meant some serious business. “She prowls, like a tiger. She looks mean.”  

And she did. Because she was. She side stepped around the octagon at a steady jog while waiting for her opponent, the announcer lifting the microphone to his mouth. It was the usual fanfare, the guys talking between themselves, their ears really pricking up when the announcer called out the name Johhny Boswell.  

“What?”

That word was delivered by both Mayan’s at exactly the same time.  

“No way! She’s fighting a dude?” Angel cried, his head swivelling around to take a look at the guy walking out, his chest stiffening with the immediate discomfort of the idea. “Is that even legal?”

“Amateur circuit, man. The UFC don’t hold shit over ‘em, so they ain’t got no governing body to answer to,” Coco began, who was a wealth more of knowledge on the sport than Angel. “Likely why it was a secret billing though, bro, save any controversy ahead of the match.”  

“I mean, I don’t wanna sound like a raging chauvinist or nothing, but that’s not right, is it?”

Coco shrugged. “These bitches are tough as shit, man.” Gesturing with his beer bottle, he pointed right at the girl, hopping from one foot to the other in her corner, hyped and amped up. “I guess we’re about to find out, though.”

The ref took his place, the fighters touching mitts before the bell sounded, words of encouragement being called from their coaches as they began to circle one another. What happened swiftly afterwards, not one single person in the venue was prepared for, least of all Johnny Boswell. The girl ducked a punch, landing three in succession to his ribcage, her fists meeting bone like lightning. He landed a kick to her side, the only strike he’d make, trying his luck for another. She was too fast though, catching his leg and hauling him by his thigh, throwing him straight to the canvas, on him like a boa constrictor seizing its prey. The noise of his body hitting the deck was deafening from the power of her takedown, Angel and Coco wincing.

Her legs wrapped his chest, thighs squeezing, wrenching his arm under hers and driving her fist against his skull with multiple blows. She was, to put it simply, absolutely savage.

“Holy fucking shit!” Coco yelled, his jaw on the floor, Angel in much the same state, the ref intervening before making a motion with his hands, the bell being rung again. Johnny was out cold.  

“Our winner, ladies and gentleman. Lily Armstrong!” Her hand was held aloft, Lily looking as proud as one could through a mouthful of tooth guard, her coach offering her a hug before she exited the octagon, once again to the roar of Sepultura, the entire venue erupted into cheers, pretty much every single person in there in a state of shock.

She removed her mitts with her coaches assistance, taking out her guard from her mouth and sipping back some water, circling her neck a few times as she began to walk, the air of menace radiating from her, her eyes suddenly snapping onto Angel as he gaped at her in a mixture of disbelief and ‘shit, that chick’s so damned hot’ as she approached.  

“What the fuck do you think you’re looking at, bro?” she barked while passing, Angel and Coco’s heads spinning to each other, looks of surprised disbelief on their faces as they began to laugh.  

“Oh, she’s sparky, dude!”

“Yeah. Fuck, I thought she was gonna jump in and swing at me, man. Jesus!” Angel guffawed. “She’s a fucking lotta something else!”  

“Right? Damn, bitch be walking out to the right song. Attitude in shades.”  

Angel’s nod conveyed his agreement, finishing his beer and heading to the bar to fetch a couple more, sadly of the non-alcoholic variety as they were riding. All around him, people spoke with disbelief about Lily and her impeccable takedown, the savagery of her knockout, the fact that a girl had so easily given a man a whooping. It gave him pause for thought, though, suddenly feeling a little guilty for initially doubting her based on her gender when clearly, she was the better fighter of the two. She just so happened to have tits, which really should have neither been here nor there.  

He knew one thing clearly; he’d hate to get on the wrong side of her, and he was man enough to admit that, too.  

Getting on the right side of her, though? Well... if he happened to see her around after, hmm. She might have chewed him out for staring at her, but Angel Reyes was not one to concede easy defeat. Throughout the next few matches, another four in total, he kept his eye out for her, wondering if she’d come back out to spectate, his searching not going unnoticed.  

“You’re looking for the machine, aren’t you?”

The machine. How accurate a description of the girl fighter with a serious mean streak.

“And what of it?”  

Coco grinned, shaking his head. “Damnit, Angel. You thrive on danger pussy! Whether it’s a girl you know you shouldn’t be fucking, or in this case, one who’d probably snap your junk in two, you’re like a bug at a porch light with those chicks!” He made a flapping motion with his hands, cracking up before turning his attention back to the ring. “Come on, man! Slug him!”

“Well, I don’t see her, so I guess that particular porch light just got turned off.” With the last match coming to an end after two rounds, people didn’t waste time filing out of the small venue, Coco and Angel heading back over to their bikes, the latter doing a double take when he noticed exactly who he’d previously been searching for across the parking lot, leaning back against a street lamp.  

“Ahhh, porch light came back on,” Coco observed, nodding in her direction, his mouth upturning as Angel looked across at her. “Now, what I gotta do tomorrow? Laundry, go pick up a bag of weed, make a little splint for my buddy’s broken pecker, couple of toothpicks should do it.”

“I will fucking plant you into the goddamned asphalt, man!” Angel exclaimed quietly, shaking his head as Coco put his helmet on.  

“Godspeed, homes. If she breaks you, don’t say I didn’t warn you. See ya.”  

“Yeah, later.” As Coco rode out, Angel lit a cigarette and casually walked over to Lily, who was lost in reading something on her phone. The closer he neared, the more he really did see how stunning she was. Her hair had a gentle wave to it now she’d removed the two French braids holding it all back while she’d fought, her muscles shapely without being too bulky, her tattoos of incredible quality and her face. God, her face. She was so pretty.

“You,” he spoke, Lily turning to view him, looking a little puzzled.

“Excuse me?”

“When you asked me what the fuck I thought I was looking at. I was looking at you.”

She closed her eyes for a second, surprisingly looking a little embarrassed. “Yeah, my apologies. I tend to be a little amped up before and after a fight. I go to another place.”

Angel snorted softly. “Where? Seventh circle of hell?”

She couldn’t help but laugh, turning toward him. Oh, well then. What did she have here? He was certainly a lot more attractive than she’d noticed in her adrenaline spiked state. If she was a sucker for anything in a man, it was a tall guy with dark hair and well-built physique. The biker standing before her certainly ticked those boxes. “I think that’s fairly accurate. Lily, and you are?”

Taking the hand she offered forth, he shook it. “Angel.”

She arched an eyebrow. “Why do I get the sneaking suspicion you’re anything but?”  

He dropped his chin a little, laughing softly. “The kutte kinda gives it away.”

“Oh, you could be standing here butt naked and I’d still think you were trouble.”

“Trouble you could no doubt handle,” he offered, drawing on his cigarette. “Well done tonight, by the way. I don’t know much about MMA, but shit, you handed that guy’s ass to him.”

“Yeah, I did,” she spoke with pride, smiling triumphantly.  

“How’d you learn to fight like that?”

“A hell of a lot of building upon natural talent,” she began, slipping her phone back into her pocket, content to give the handsome biker her full attention. “I was a scrapper as a kid.”

Angel nodded knowingly. He’d been much the same in his youth. “I bet you gave your folks a hard time with that, huh?”

Her lips tightened, her head tilting a little to the right. “No folks to speak of. Growing up in the hell that was endless foster families and group homes is why I learned to fight well. You have to when trying to survive in an environment with other damaged kids, too.”  

He raised his eyebrows, flicking his finished cigarette away. “Shit, sorry to hear you had to go through that. What happened to your mom and dad, if that ain’t too personal a question?”  

Usually, Lily would have likely told someone she’d only just met to mind their business, but with Angel, she felt quite at ease with revealing it, for some reason, like he wouldn’t judge. “My dad, I have no idea about, and my mom died when I was four. Heroin.”

“Fuck,” he exclaimed softly, his brows rising. “Again, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m not. She was a worthless junkie who used throughout her entire pregnancy and neglected me for the entirety of our short time together, until I found her dead on the lounge floor. She wasn’t a mother, merely a vessel who grew me, and she couldn’t even do that properly. At least something good came from it, though. My anger at her being such a lousy mother fuels me before I step foot into the octagon. I like to think of it as both motivation to win and therapy, too. Catharsis, if you will, albeit perhaps a little unhealthy.” She paused, her eyes taking him in a little better, Angel’s mouth twitching into a lopsided grin when he realised she was checking him out. “So, what do your parents think about you being an outlaw?”

“Mom was always a little worried about it, that’s how most moms are, though. My pop saw it coming, I think. He’s alright with it. I was never the golden child, like my brother,” he shrugged. “Hey, do you wanna go get a drink or something?” he then offered, gesturing to the bar just down the street on the opposite side.  

She turned to view where he’d pointed, looking back at him with a smile. “Depends on what the ‘or something’ is.”  

He chuckled, liking her playfulness. “The ‘or something’ can come after the drink, if you want?”

Licking her lip, she sent a spark of fire through him, Angel remembering Coco’s lascivious comment about the juice box straw and ping pong ball. It did nothing to quell that burn when he once again noticed the way she stared at him so appreciatively. “Alright, Angel. Let’s go.” Lily usually had a good measure of people upon meeting them, and from Angel, she liked what she sensed, even if he only ended up as a one-night stand. It was very clear, the signals that they were sending to one another, that they definitely intended a bed to become involved at some point during the course of the evening.  

Pleasingly, she also noted that just before they were about to cross the street, he placed his hand in a soft touch against her lower back. It was gentlemanly. It was nice. People often forgot that beneath the powerhouse fighter, she was still a woman, one who liked to be treated with a little courtesy. He showed that even more by quickening his step to open the bar door for her with a smile. God, he was hot.  

“What are you drinking?”

“Vodka rocks, please?”

“Any particular brand?”

“Anything is fine with me. If there’s a difference between the twenty dollar a bottle stuff and Grey Goose, it takes a much more refined palette than mine to notice,” she smiled, Angel nodding at the bartender to attract his attention.  

“Large vodka rocks and a Coke, please.”

Lily looked on at him curiously. “Not drinking?”

“Nah, I’ve reached my alcohol limit. Besides, I’m by nature much more responsible when I know I’ll have someone else on the back of my bike.”  

She liked that, how confident he was without being too cocky. “You’re very sure of yourself.”

He snorted softly, paying for the drinks and sliding hers toward her. “And you ain’t exactly discreet with checking out my junk.”

Oh, so he had noticed her eyes flitting downwards a few times, Lily blushing a little. “Well, you do fill out those Levi’s well.”  

“Easy, girl.”

She was in soft fits at that. “What? I like to appreciate what I intend to put in my mouth at some point in the near future.”  

For the second time that night, he choked on a drink due to a reference about her lips and his dick. Damn, that brazenness. “Oh, you need to calm it down, or imma drag you off into a darkened corner and have my way with you. I’d like to actually get to know you a little before that happens.”

Her laugh was loud, pulling a chair back and sitting down, shaking her head a little. “Okay, I’ll be good.”

He winked, sending her stomach into a perpetual flip. “Not too good.”  

They calmed down their playfulness enough to sit there and talk, learning of each other’s lives, their interests – of which they had a few in common – and their dislikes, some of which were not met well by the other.

“What in the hell is your issue with Judas Priest?”

“Rob Halford sounds like he’s having his nuts trodden on by an elephant!”

Angel was aghast. “You,” he began, waving a finger at her from across the table. “You’ll take that back, missy.”  

“I shan’t! I’m perpetually tortured by it all fucking evening long! That and REO Speedwagon. My neighbour likes everyone else on the block to listen to his awful music, too.”

“Okay, the Speedwagon part I get, because they’re fucking dire, but damn, how anyone can hate Judas Priest is beyond me. They’re classic!”  

“Showing your age,” she teased.

“Hey, fuck you, Lily! I’m thirty-two!”

Her giggle. Oh, it was the sweetest music. “And you?”

“Just turned thirty a month ago.”  

“Wow, I thought you were like, twenty-three or something,” he exclaimed, Lily certain he was just being charming, although she was confident that she looked good for her age. “So, Lily, aged thirty, originally from San Diego, whose five favourite bands are Sepultura, Linkin Park, Meshuggah, Wu Tang Clan and Cypress Hill – great choices, by the way – and doesn’t appreciate the classics, how long have you been doing the MMA thing for?”

“About five years now,” she began, sipping her drink. “Before then, I was into Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, started with a friend of mine just as a form of exercise, because I’m by nature quite lazy other than loving to walk almost everywhere I need to go, which is handy with my piece of shit car. But yeah, so Angie and I began doing that, she didn’t like it so quit, I stayed on and then started kickboxing too, which is how Larry, my coach discovered me.”

“I take it he was one of the big fellas who walked you out tonight?”

“Right,” she confirmed. “He was the white guy. The Latino dude is Ernesto, Angie’s husband, who also coaches me from time to time when Larry isn’t available.”

“And do you wanna go pro with it, or is it just a hobby?” he then asked.

“Ideally pro, but it’s really fucking tough to crack the pro-circuit. The last time my gym had a scout out, they overlooked me in favour of another girl, which I can take on the chin, you know, she was better than me. My fight tonight, though, well, Larry said it’d get tongues wagging, get people talking about me, the girl who took on a guy, even though in the same weight category, and knocked him out thirty-three seconds into the first round.  

“Sure, some might think it a little unorthodox when you take gender into consideration, as it’s still quite taboo, the whole dynamic of men vs women competing against one another, but he’s of the opinion any publicity is good. I guess he was right, too, since I did a little networking after my fight, and I got approached by Bulldog Gear, who make martial arts apparel. They offered me the best thing going, sponsorship!”  

He smiled widely all the way through hearing her speak of her sport, Angel loving her passion, her excitement for it. After such a rough start in life, she deserved it, he thought, something to excel at, a world to be embraced by, people to tell her she was good, that she was worthy.  

“No shit, that’s great!” he enthused, pointing to the bar. “You want another?”  

“Let me get the next round?” she offered, Angel shaking his head.  

“Nah, it’s on me. You deserve it, you won your fight and you got a sponsor. Time to celebrate.” He squeezed her shoulder as he passed her, Lily smiling, fizzing inside a little. He was, by the definition of her mental checklist, everything she looked for in a guy. He seemed really nice, articulate, he was very good looking, well-built, tall, tattooed, and he rode a big motorcycle. It was a little worrying that he was an outlaw, but she could decide later if she could handle that or not.  

‘Girl, cool your jets. You know he’s only being nice to you to get in your underwear.’ It was a toxic trait of hers, and she acknowledged it, to have issues with seeing herself as more than temporary in the lives of any new people who she met. A defence mechanism typical of an abandoned child, one might say.  

One might be very correct.

While he was at the bar, Angel received a text from Coco, opening it up to see a picture of a few toothpicks crudely strapped together with masking tape.  

‘Did she break you yet? It’s here if you need it, homie!’

“Fuck you, Johnny.” he snorted, sending a middle finger emoji and putting his cell away, turning back to glance at Lily. God, she was so cute, and what a fucking nice girl, too. The lovely young woman he was enjoying the company of was a million miles away from the utter tiger he’d watched stalk the octagon before taking her contender down with such staggering, albeit brutal, finesse. He enjoyed that kind of duality in a woman, having so seldom found it before.

“So - and I know you can’t tell me in any kind of detail – what was it about the MC that attracted you?” she asked when he arrived back at the table, thanking him for the drink.  

“Outlaw is all I’ve ever done well,” he shrugged, scratching the back of his neck. The action made his bicep flex, Lily’s eyes nearly falling out of her skull and into her drink. “I think I’d pretty much suck at a nine to five set up. So, what do you do other than the MMA? I take it you have a regular job as well?”

“Yeah, I’ve had all kinds over the years, but I work at Rebel Coffee across the street from my gym at present. It’s handy, since I spend up to three hours a day training, longer if I have a fight coming up. I’ll usually put in a couple of hours prior to work too then as well. Luckily for me, the gym is open all hours, so I can grab a quick session whenever, even if I don’t have someone there to do pad work with me. I wish my apartment was big enough to fit a punch bag, I’d love that,” she spoke, smiling a little wistfully. Most of her lounge space was taken up by the huge cage her beloved Cockatoo, Charlie lived in.  

“You live and breathe it, don’t you?” he noted, sipping his drink, catching an ice cube between his back teeth and chomping on it.  

“Quod me nutrit me destruit,” she spoke, Angel raising an eyebrow.

“Which is Latin for?”

“That which nourishes me, destroys me. I expect I have a tidy bruise forming, I dunno. You’ll be able to see better than me.” Lifting the side of her white top up, she glanced around, Angel craning to take a look.  

“Jesus Christ!” he exclaimed, her skin already turning an aggressive shade of purple. “Yeah, you got a big assed bruise coming up there, babe.”  

Her tummy flipped again at hearing him call her babe. “I expected as much. I should buy shares in a company that makes arnica cream, the amount I go through!”

“What does that do?”

“Expedites healing, brings the bruising out more,” she confirmed, adjusting her top again. “Why are you grinning like that?”

Shit. Busted. “No reason.”

“No, go on,” she urged, Angel wiping a hand down his face as he leaned back in his seat. “You’re wearing a red bra, and I got a real thing for chicks in red underwear. Ignore me, I’ll calm down. Eventually.”

He winked again, Lily having to plant her feet in order to stop herself from surging across the table at him in sexual longing. “What if I don’t want you to?”  

“Then the dark corner is looking more appealing by the second,” he began, rising from his seat. “I’m going for a smoke, try and calm myself down a little. Damn you. And your red undies. You ain’t fair on my male hormones.”  

She could have done with a smoke herself, although she was currently trying to quit and had already smoked her daily ration of four, so waited instead, sipping her drink, feeling like she was effervescing inside. Once he’d returned, they continued their conversation, neither noticing that by the time the bar closed, they were the only two people left within it, save for a drunk guy asleep at the bar whom the owner of the establishment had to rouse via a repeated poking in the thigh with a broom.  

The street was relatively quiet outside, the tinkling of glass bottles rolling along the ground in the distance, a cat meowing, a car crossing over the junction to their right, a woman shouting her vexation at someone within her residence for not turning the bathroom light off. Not another soul was around as they crossed the road and headed down the small embankment back into the venue parking lot, Angel suddenly taking her hand and halting her.  

“So, call it cliched, whatever, but...” he paused, taking her face in his hands and leaning to kiss her. God, her lips. He almost couldn’t pull away to continue. “My place or yours, tough girl?”  

“I’m over in Holtville, how about you?”

Holtville was over thirty minutes away from their current location. Nope.  

“Santo Padre. So my place, yeah?”  

Fifteen minutes. That was much preferable. Her nod confirmed it.

She reached for him, guiding his face to her level, kissing him again, a kiss that deepened in an instant, their tongues softly swirling, Lily draping her arms around his neck, Angel’s winding around her waist, caging her body to his with a soft squeeze. God damnit, how the girl could kiss, Angel feeling that alluring tug deep in his loins, his hands slipping to her butt and grasping the well-rounded cheeks. One kiss, and he was hooked. She had him.  

As for Lily, well, if she’d have taken off her undies and thrown them at a wall in that moment, they’d have stuck to it. Very, very few men had made her ache with arousal just from a kiss, but Angel? One kiss, and she was wet for him. Oh, mother Mary. If he could make her feel like that just from kissing her, what the hell was he capable of conjuring with the rest of himself?  

The way he kissed her had her blazing, the feel of him, the smell of him, the sheer size of the man wrapping her in an embrace of pure muscle, Lily imagining that weight atop her. The thought almost made her knees buckle.  

“How the fuck am I meant to ride a motorcycle in a straight fucking line after that? Damn, girl,” he exclaimed, once they finally broke for air.  

She smiled, a sultry tilt of her sumptuous lips, reaching forward, letting her fingernails trail over the bulge in his jeans that she’d had trouble keeping her eyes away from. “Just you wait until I kiss you there.”  

Angel Reyes had never cum in his pants before, but in that moment, he was dangerously close to doing so.  

#angel reyes #angel reyes fanfiction #angel reyes fanfic #angel reyes fic #angel reyes smut #angel reyes x ofc #angel reyes x oc #mayans mc #mayans mc fanfiction #mayans mc fanfic #mayans mc fic #mayans mc smut #clayton cardenas #clayton cardenas fanfiction #clayton cardenas smut #clayton cardenas fanfic #clayton cardenas fic #clayton cardenas x ofc #clayton cardenas x oc

[crown-bearers-of-the-new-faith]

Narinders Backstory: A life of neglect

Or how a simple black cat became a god

[Part 2]

[trigger warnings: neglect / abuse/ trauma ]

As the tall brown hound took me in, all I knew was that I lost my family forever. One way or another I knew I'll never see them again. It was terrifying. I was just a kit.

I still remember how my sister cried before I left. She might have been my baby sister but we were equals to eachother in a way.

I was not given as a child to keep. I was they house help. A child of 4- perhaps 5 years old. I had to learn to clean. The old house help they had, a kanary bird, was too old to bend down. She taught me what to do, but she was not kind either. Neither her or the family I came in.

Every day was a new hell. The early waking was not a thing for me, but the constant work without a break wrecked my already weak body.

"You'll get stronger if you work harder" they said as I felt my joints fall apart as I was lifting the heavy weaponry. A child of five. Bringing several swords. Sure, call it strong. I still have trouble standing straight now.

Sometimes I was denied food for days, until I almost dropped from the way my body weakened. They called it disciplining me, for making mistakes. Saying that way I'd learn. Saying I was worthless anyway. Why did I believe it?

Perhaps they were right. They were not the first or last ones to call me that. Perhaps I was never meant to be-

Fuck why am I contemplating that now.

Back to the plot... let's think... where was I... my memory of my past is getting foggier every day. Hundreds? Thousands of years ago?

Well...

One day when I was perhaps 7, I was busy cleaning out the chimney. I knew that some of the ash would stay in my fur. It was hard anyway to know if the black bits got out of my black hairs.

I heard the master come back in. That bastard. He and the cleanser talk as I was coming down. It was the first time in the whole time that I felt something so strong again. I can not recall the conversation by word, but I do know what happened.

The master spoke about a village burning down. A village of the Phoenix. The one place I came from. Everyone died. The god was dead and the people were unable to keep themselves alive anymore.

My family... my little sisters. They were all gone. My baby sister! The one who always was by my side, reduced to ashes. And that bitch dog was laughing. Laughing how he managed to buy the land off for a pence.

My eyes filled up with tears. My tail slowly swung from side to side. I felt my claws drawn and before I knew it, I ran at the guy, clawing at his face.

"Those are my sister you are talking about! You dirty dog!"

I felt his blood on my paws but as soon as it started it ended. I was not strong enough to keep fighting him, as he quickly swung me at the wall, shouting at my disobedience as I lost my consciousness.

[part 1]

[part 3]

#crown bearers of the new faith #cult of the lamb #cult of the lamb au #cotl narinder #crown bearers of the new faith backstories

[animes-trash]

Lawless’s growth

Ah, here am I, back into Greed Pair hell. Welp. 

So, in this current arc, Strike has given us some good Lawless content, and parallels. After I was utterly destroyed by chapter 117 - 118, i decided to get a bit deeper into Lawless’s growth. 

First of all, let’s acknowledge the trust that Licht and Lawless now have in each other. Even before getting into the fight with Jeje, we can see that Hyde is not the same as before with one big parallel (that some people already talked about on this site).

The first picture is from chapter 27.5, the second if from 106. The pose is obviously the same, to parallel just how much Lawless has changed between those two moments, In the first panel, he is rambling about how human lives are useless and how everyone dies in the end anyway (fucking emo).

But in the second panel, he is actively searching for Nicco, World End’s eve. In this translation, Hyde thinks “I already know what it means to find that one person*. It’s good but quite vague, whereas the official french traduction is slightly different, and I love it. Translated it says “I know what it’s like to finally find a good eve... that we don’t want to leave.”. This says so much about how Lawless has changed. His bond with Licht has become so strong with time, it’s not even that he tolerates him or something, he wants to stay with him. Knowing where he comes from, that’s a huge step.

Now, getting to the fight. (Or you can read this post where I ramble about how Licht jumped of a window).

So. Jeje unexpectedly (to Lawless, at least) hurts Licht’s hand. Beforehand, Hyde said that he’d be the one to get close to Jeje because he can survive bullets and all, to protect Licht. Why would Jeje get interested in the human anyway ? The real fight is between Servamps. Or so he thinks. And I find this panel very important.

“You’re implying that Licht is my weakness ?!” He thinks this as if it made no sense. But this is absolutely right. I don’t know if Jeje thought this far, but he knows about Lawless’s past and his story about Ophelia. He knows it’s a trigger for him, so in a bitchy way, he attacked Licht.

And boy does it work. That grin that Hyde has ? It’s his nervousness acting up. We’ve seen his laughter fits before when the situation got out of hand to him. He then straight up fights Jeje, and he is angry.

But as soon as Jeje’s guns point toward Licht ? He just loses it and completely panics.

I’ve thought about it for hours, and that’s the only way I can interpret what happened afterwards. Utter panic. That “don’t mess with me !” line ? That’s just his anxiety showing up as anger. Also, the not on my watch panel, doesn’t it remind you of another chapter, way back ?

Strike, those parallels are going to kill. (Sorry. I’m sobbing as well, seeing this picture.)

I don’t know if we can talk about PTSD for immortal vampires, but if we can, damn does Lawless have it. What happened with Ophelia traumatized him hard for centuries. He’s starting to heal, but some wounds can’t be fully closed. Especially with Licht getting shot. 

(Lot of pain coming)

As soon as Hyde tries to put Jeje’s gun away, his arm fail him, and he starts to- what, melt ? I had a big wtf is happening moment reading this chapter. I first thought that he was starting to feel the consequences of getting attacked by Tsubaki, like Lily. But then I realized that it isn’t his body failing him, it’s his mind. I don’t know if we can talk of a panic attack, but it sure looks like one. And in a way, I think we can say that it’s because of Tsubaki.

Remember, what mostly changed about Hyde is that he’s really emotional now. In the C3 arc, when we discover it, it’s mostly put as a joke. Haha he cried a lot now. But for someone with as much emotional baggage like him, it’s truly dangerous. Like right now, because his fears and trauma are getting the better of him and make him unable to fight- to protect Licht.

And he’s not only melting, he’s crying. Panic attack, hello. Again, I’m saying, look at how traumatized he is ! “I failed to protect someone again. I always fail”. (Don’t mind me wetting my keyboard as I’m sobbing). Also, that pose on the ground ? He’s losing it.

I still wonder about Lilac’s panel. Is it just for the panic parallel, or is Lawless saying that he regrets killing all of Tsubaki’s subclasses ? The way he sounds, it’s like he thinks he deserves it. We’re back on the theme of his growth. Before, he never would have put his actions in question.

Anyway, he’s starting to melt into his “demon” form again. (Still wondering how the Count decided to merge Hyde with this). If we remember, he’s transforming into some useless blob. Again, I don’t know if Jeje thought this far, but it almost worked. If he totally went back into the blob, he would have been unable to fight.

But thank the gods, Licht is there for him. “Hyde, get a grip, you idiot”. It’s so them. Lawless is stuck in his panic of Licht dying, but even if he got shot, it’s only his arm. It’s not a vital point at all. Licht isn’t in any danger. (Well, medically yes, but it is a manga and he’s a main character). My only fear is that Licht is a pianist, and he needs his arm to work. (Once again, it’s a manga. If Licht has troubles playing the piano afterwards, it’ll only be because Strike choses it. Also, look at Mahiru’s arm. Not a single sequel. So yeah, author’s choice. (THINK OF THE ANGST THOUGH. FANFIC INCOMING)).

Anyhow, the scene cuts there to the rest of the fight. It could be the end, but we learn more in the raws of chapter 120.

(No ads for me. Sniff.)

That’s truly after I saw these panels that I was sure that Lawless’s condition wasn’t him getting affected by something exterior. As soon as he gets his mind together, he’s good to go. I quickly used google translate, so basically what World End says is “Lawless ! What you said was right. As expected of Big Brother. If you care for you master, protect him properly. It’s a little rough”.

In this scene, Nicco survived a gunshot to the gut after shenanigans in World End’s core (or whatever). Point is, he’s alive. That obviously cheers up Hyde who can think properly again (and he probably understood that Licht’s not in mortal danger by now). As soon as he’s calm, his body gets right again.

To conclude, Lawless of Greed is a character who is really deep, more than we can think. He’s gone such a long way since the first time we saw him in volume five. A lot of characters went through a lot, but him especially. Also because he was among the first to have a big character arc (second to Kuro) a long time ago, we get to see him grow a lot, and I feel like Strike is really showing it at this point. Hopefully, we’ll get a bit more of him dealing with his feelings toward his past and toward Licht. Maybe a bit from when he was human too, but maybe I’m asking for too much.

Gee you guys are still there ? Damn. 

Well, see ya <3

#servamp #lawless of greed #lawlicht #licht jekylland todoroki #servamp hyde #servamp 118 #servamp 117 #servamp 120

[lookbutyoucanttouch]

TW: mentions of sex regret (?) I’m not calling it assault, but there were blurred lines

————

I’m sure it would make him feel awful if he knew I didn’t enjoy it. I’m sure if I’d told him to stop in the moment, he would’ve. That’s why I’m hesitant to call it anything else.

But my trauma response is typically to just freeze/go nonverbal. And I’d told him months back to not ask/check in as often as he was doing at the time… which was literally every 5-10 minutes… but that was also in a situation where he could clearly SEE my facial expressions/reactions…kinda hard to gauge this time with a pillow over my head and facing away from him.

I do like rougher sex sometimes, but not when it feels degrading, or like my body is essentially being used as a fleshlight or other masturbatory tool :/ and when he’s barely even kissed or cuddled me lately.

I’m so angry and sad and dissociated all at once ever since it happened. Especially since I’d cried after the last time we had sex; before this most recent time, and he’d mentioned needing to go softer next time, then went and did the exact opposite. (The crying wasn’t related to roughness that time; just that I’m starting to feel used for my body/company, and like he’s been dangling the idea of a relationship over my head, whether intentionally or not)

Honestly; after this, coupled with the one other major doubt I had (infidelity with his last girlfriend), I wouldn’t even want to be in a relationship with him. I’m debating if I even want to maintain a friendship without these “benefits.” If you can even call them that now. Since it’s definitely benefiting him much more than me now.

He was always saying how he prefers MaKiNg LoVe over sex/fucking, but then these last few times (3?) has made no effort to go down on me; and this most recent time, didn’t even engage in foreplay, period. Went in with no warmup, no lube, nothing.

He’d offered to shower/bathe me after I mentioned not having the energy to get up & do it myself after the fact, which could normally count as aftercare, but I was borderline catatonic and didn’t want him touching me/crowding the shower space.

I feel gross and used; it honestly physically hurt too—I’m surprised I didn’t tear/bleed— but I also can’t stop placing at least some of the blame on myself for not speaking up in the moment. But surely, you have to know going in dry hurts…?! It felt so disconnected compared to what we’ve previously been doing for months.

He also blew me off most of the day/weekend leading up to it, and I had the gut feeling to cancel/reschedule because I felt like he wasn’t respecting my time. But thought I was overreacting since he was spending time with his family (nephew’s birthday party on Saturday, then was out fishing with one of his sisters and her bf basically all day Sunday- after I’d told him I wanted to spend that day with him)— this all transpired early Monday morning after I went over there around 9:30ish Sunday night.

He drove me home after and asked for a hug, but we’ve barely been talking lately compared to usual. I know his life doesn’t revolve around me. But it’s triggering my abandonment issues bad again because my last relationship, with Bob, also devolved into him just using me for sex and the occasional “wyd” text and blowing off our plans. I’m so tired of the cycle repeating. I’m so tired of only being seen as emotional support and a warm hole.

My mom also threw a fit when I got home and threatened to kick me out for not mentioning where I was going. I don’t feel comfortable talking about these things with her, and she’d probably say I deserved it or something similar anyway.

I just want to get stupid high and/or drunk to get my mind off of it, honestly…but I’m on a super tight budget until the 25th when I’m paid again.

Not looking for pity or money. Just needed somewhere to process it other than my mind I guess. My heart hurts, and my soul is so tired.

[celestiall0tus]

I'm going to make this quick

So, I've finally caught up to Representation for Miraculous. I have some thoughts, but nothing like I did with Migration. That one hit a special nerve. Beware for any spoilers for Miraculous S5

Intuition:

Gabriel is ballsy. I do commend him for his risk and seeing the failures, but holy fuck. The whole thing with his afib and the heart beating made me squirm, but only because I suffer from heart problems myself, so it made me uneasy hearing that.

Pretension:

Ok. Feligami is cute.

Revelation:

Boring until Hoaxer, then it got interesting.

Confrontation:

Kudos to Sabrina for taking a stand. Also, short hair Lila is choice. Granted I love short hair on women.

Also, am I missing something, or did Juleka not have a speech problem back in season 1? It could just be me, but I thought she spoke fine at least until the later seasons when she started mumbling everything. Did I miss something?

Collusion:

Leave the fucking pregnant woman alone!! FFS!! I fucking get that Chloe is a brat and is gonna be that way, but Gabriel, leave the pregnant woman alone! Fuck! I nearly fucking cried when she got akumatized after dealing with all that stress of the day. FFS!

Now for the one (I assume) people are really interested in. Revolution:

I fucking laughed. So, yes, I acknowledge that in a fantasy, fictional world that kind of shit can happen. But in the real world and real world logic, there's no fucking way any of that would have happened. It's just like my nitpick with Jagged "just ripping up his contract." In the sense of our world, it wouldn't work. So, I don't know how to take this episode. I didn't hate it, but it did make me laugh with how nonsensical it was. So, it could have been worse.

Overall I didn't hate Chloe. She fulfilled her role well enough. I am more annoyed with Andre though. Kudos for wanting to fix your mistakes, but maybe grow a backbone and punish your daughter? No? Send her off with Audrey? Cool. Whatever.

Another thing I have is the fucking deus ex machina moment for Ladybug and Chat Noir. Fuck that shit. It's painfully obvious and while good deus ex machina moments exist, that wasn't one of them. I would have preferred there was more build up because, to me, they aren't grown up. They are still kids physically and mentally. Emotionally too. Fuck it, all around.

Now for spoiler territory. Representation:

I don't know. It could have been worse?

So, the story of the Agrestes and Graham de Vanillies was interesting, but a part of me wishes we learned in a different way. Or at the very least, not have Felix and Kagami act it out. I wanted to laugh so hard at it because it came off as so silly. Though I do like the idea that Adrien and Felix were literally miracle children. That I do love.

Also, this will be triggering to some and cause some hate, but I need to get this off my chest.

Felix, honey, I acknowledge that being called a monster all your life by someone who was supposed to "love" you is extremely damaging, but I don't think that necessarily make Colt a thousand times worse than Tomoe or any other abusive parents. I know pain is relative and it falls to the perspective of the individual, but I was expecting a lot worse. Again, it could just be me, but I expected so much worse from Colt than just controlling his son and calling him a monster. As far as I see it, Colt just falls in line with all the other shitty parents. Nothing special.

Last thing that confuses me is Chat/Adrien's nightmare. I get it's meant to be a reference to Chat Blanc and the danger he possesses, but why? As far as we know, Adrien would have absolutely no idea about those events, only Marinette. So, why that? I was honestly expecting something to do with him as Adrien, not Chat. But I guess we need to fabricate a reason for Adrien not to tell Marinette the truth and give him trauma. Right? Right?

And wouldn't he still remember it anyway despite the miracle being performed? It's a nightmare after all. That shit haunts you. And the way Gabriel made it sound was that it just bought their worst fears to the conscious rather than dwelling in the subconscious, y'know, as nightmares do. Also, no one tell Juleka, but if I'm reading her nightmare right, Jagged doesn't really love her. I don't care about the birthday episode since all we see is Jagged giving attention to Luka, not Juleka too. But that's just my hot take.

Last thing for Representation I want to call out. Marcaniel canon finally?! Yes please. You cannot convince me otherwise after seeing them away from the crowd, alone, holding hands, and about to do what we all know was gonna happen. First JuleRose, now Marcaniel. Best part of the episode.

This has been a L0tus rant. Have a lovely day.

#miraculous #miraculous ladybug #miraculoustalesofladybugandcatnoir #mlb s5 #mlb season five #mlb spoilers #mlb s5 spoilers #miraculous s5

[niall-ate-mynamee]

He's Not Heavy, He's Our Brother (final part)

Author's note: so, this mini fic has come to an end. Thank you so much anon's for the requests which started this all. I've had such a blast writing this, and I hope you've had a blast reading it!

I won't be posting for a couple more days, since I have some thing's planned (I'll be writing a separate post for that after this), and I don't wanna rush into finishing anything just yet. Please let me know what you thought of this fic. I've had so much fun writing this and I just really hope you have all enjoyed reading it just as much!

Anyways...ENJOY THE FINAL PART <3

PART ONE HERE

PART TWO HERE

TRIGGER WARNINGS: bad language, sexual harassment, drug use, drugs, non-consensual touching, non-consensual drugging, attempted non-con/rape.

Characters: Niall Horan, Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles, Liam Payne, Original Male/Female Characters

Word count: 1531

The Royal London Hospital...

Louis sighed miserably, glancing at the clock on the wall. He'd only been sitting alone for around ten minutes, but it had felt like hours since he got here. Once the ambulance pulled up outside, the paramedics were quick to get Niall inside and seen to, while a nurse had met Louis in the reception and guided him into a awaiting chair, talking softly to him. She left him alone soon enough, once she had made him have a drink of water and assured him she, or a doctor, would come find him with news later on.

When had everything gone so wrong?

Both he and Niall had seen, and dealt with, their fair share of drunken creeps, it came with the job, but never had one of those said creeps done anything like this. At least, not in their club. Not to one of them. He felt somewhat guilty. Being the oldest in the group of best friends came with a responsibility that he adopted onto himself. He promised he would protect them, keep them safe, look after them. So, why hadn't he managed that tonight?

They should've been back at home, safe and together, laughing at a scene in a random film they would've picked out to watch. They were lucky. Having your best friends living in the same building, being able to see them every single day, it was a blessing that Louis couldn't quite believe he managed to get. He thought everything was perfect.

Until tonight happened.

He knew, from hearing stories on the news, to researching all the different kinds of PTSD and trauma the victims dealt with afterwards, that Niall wouldn't be the same after this. Maybe not for a long time. Even though the creep didn't get as far as he was so obviously planning, that didn't stop the trauma. Niall was drugged against his will, forced to consume so much more alcohol mixed with what-the-fuck-ever else it was spiked with, and was stripped, beaten and so very nearly raped. Louis almost couldn't believe it.

Except, he did. Because he had seen it. With his very own eyes. He saw the man on top of his best friend, he saw the empty plastic bottle a few feet away, he saw the evidence of abuse. He knew, no matter what, he, nor the others, especially Niall, would ever forget this. And that was devastating. Heartbreaking. So utterly cruel that Louis didn't even know if there was a God or whatever, because if there was, why did these things happen?

He cried. For his best friend, his non-biological little brother. For Liam and Harry. For himself. For their futures that were once so bright, now uncertain and more than likely filled with dark days and recovery.

Louis. Just. Cried.

Until the doctor arrived. Looking up through blurred vision, Louis could make out the doctor in front of him. He wasn't sure how much time had passed. He wondered why Liam and Harry hadn't arrived yet. Surely they should've been here by now?

"How is he?" Asked a voice and, oh. Liam and Harry are here. When did they get here? Louis was so confused. He must've been properly out of it much longer than he thought. "Is he okay?" That was Liam.

The doctor smiled softly, taking a seat opposite the lads. "He'll be okay." He stated first and foremost. "We found a fair bit of GHB in Mr Horan's system, which would've been in the drink that he was forced to drink. We managed to flush it, and the alcohol, out and currently have him on an IV to rehydrate him. We're going to keep him sedated tonight, and he should wake up by tomorrow evening. He's been very lucky, lads. I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but we were unable to find any evidence of sexual penetration, so that is a positive."

Louis didn't realise he had been holding his breath until he gasped in relief as he heard those words. Although, deep down, he knew the creep hadn't gotten that far, it was the biggest relief hearing it coming from a doctor.

"I want to keep him in for a few days, just until I know for sure that the drug is completely flushed out. He'll probably be quite drowsy and disorientated for a couple days once he's come around, but in time, that will pass and he shouldn't have any physical side effects. Now, what I must talk to you boys about right now, is the next steps. When Mr Horan is awake, his mental state may not be very stable. I can arrange for one of our psychologists to come down and chat to him, but really, it'll be up to him to decide if he continues. Is there anybody at home with him?"

"N-no," Harry said, shakily, "He has his own flat, but, all three of us live in the same building. One of us could stay with him for a while?"

The doctor nodded. "That could work. I wouldn't recommend leaving him alone for a while. He'll need help with some things while he's recovering. I will talk to the psychology team and have one assigned to Mr Horan. In the meantime…would you boys like to see him?" The doctor smiled at the nods he received and stood up, allowing them a few seconds to follow suit and began leading them away to a room tucked in a corner, the windows shielded by blinds, to allow some privacy.

"I will be round in a couple hours to check up on him, but if you need me before, don't hesitate to press the buzzer on the wall. You can help yourselves to some water, tea and coffee from the nurses station just down the hall, there's also some buscuits and cakes should you fancy anything. There's some couches in there should any of you wish to catch some sleep too. As long as you lads keep the volume down, you're welcome to stay. I will see you all very soon."

With that, Liam, Louis and Harry were left alone, standing outside the door that seperated them from their best friend. With a shaky hand, Liam slowly pushed on the wood and one by one, each boy stepped into the room and fell into the chairs, once scattered around the room to now besides the bed, and got settled down for a long night.

-----

Two months later…

It's been a tough two months for everyone. Especially Niall. The first three weeks he had been home, he'd have terrible nightmares, one's that would have him screaming and sobbing, waking Louis up, who had been the one to move in while he recovered, leaving him exhausted but unable to sleep again for that night. He hadn't left the house again until week four, and even then, he was an anxious mess. He had countless panic attacks. Each one seeming worse than the last. He hasn't been to work since. His managers, Frank and Tucker, have both been in contact with Louis, sending their love and thoughts. They said not to worry about work, they'd both have a job when, or if, they returned. Louis was so grateful.

Everyone was exhausted.

But, nobody was angry at Niall, even when the Irishman broke down and apologised profusely, begging them not to hate him or leave him alone, sobbing that he was to blame and they shouldn't have to put up with him, he's sorry but understands if they want to go. They would end up in a tight huddle together, after that. With not a single dry eye. All three telling him it was okay, they could never hate him, he's definitely not to blame, and they love him more than anything. It breaks their hearts to see him so weak, when he was once so strong.

Niall Horan used to be so full of life, filled with joy, doubled over with laughter at a corny, totally not funny knock knock joke that Harry would make up on the spot. He used to provide comfort and care whenever Liam got sad. He used to buddy up with Louis for pranks and practical jokes, basically crying with laughter when they were caught.

They knew, sometime, somewhere, somehow, they will see a glimpse of that Niall again. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not in the next year. But, they would. Because they loved him. Because they would stick by him for the rest of time. Because they were brothers, by blood or not, they would never leave him. Niall will never be alone again. Because he had his best friends, his brothers, around him.

He will recover.

And, years later, when they were sat in the same club, which was now a quiet restaurant, with their old friends Frank and Tucker, enjoying a lovely meal together, they were asked how they got through it all with what must've been a heavy a burden on them all, they looked at each other with knowing grins and Louis answered, as confident as ever:

"He's not heavy, he's our brother."

Author's note: as usual, I haven't proof read this, so if you spot any mistakes, please let me know!

I'm not sure if I like the ending so much...it seems kinda rushed, so please let me know what you think anyways. Thank you all for reading this and letting my stories be part of your day. I love you all, and I'll see you very soon! <3

#niall horan #one direction #harry styles #liam payne #louis tomlinson #niall centric #niallerrr #narry #niam #nouis #hurt niall #niall!centric #hurt niall horan #niall horan centric #one direction au #not famous #prompts #niall horan prompt #niall prompts