#anyways i should go sleep it's been a long day

[mandarinmoons]

dad!spencer

DAD SPENCER SPENCER AS DAD

yknow that scene where JJ calls Will and Henry over the phone so she can read to Henry? or atleast I think she read to him it was so long ago that I watched 😭 anyway, what about that with Spencer and a toddler Bailey? he’s on a case but he still wants to make sure he’s present for his daughter even if he’s not physically there

<333

Your ears rang as Bailey’s cries echoed through the house. She had been fussy and inconsolable for days and you knew why, her dad was gone.

Spencer flew out to a case all the way in Nebraska leaving you to take care of Bailey all by yourself until he got back. You weren’t cross with him, you knew his schedule was hectic and that he tried his best to be a part of both of your lives.

For Bailey however it was a different story. The second her dad walked out the door she was upset and ran to the door to run after him. The only way she would fall asleep is by draping one of Spencer’s shirts over her, her breathing would calm down and a moment later she would be at ease.

It had been four days since Spencer left and there had only been limited text messages between you two. The case turned out to be more complicated than initially thought and it was taking up more of the team’s time.

You and Bailey were cuddling on the couch watching one of her favorite cartoons. Bailey had a crying fit and after some time she managed to calm down a bit and now here you were, caressing her back as her tear filled eyes were focused on the TV in front of her.

As you felt yourself doze off and your head leaned to the side, your phone rang which caused Bailey to get fuzzy.

“Shh there there,” you sat up and pulled Bailey into your lap as you dug your phone out of your pocket, seeing it was Spencer calling you sighed in relief and immediately put it on speaker.

“Hey Agent Daddy,” hearing your words made Spencer chuckle and Bailey’s eyes went big as she heard the laughter.

“Hey you two, how are my favorite girls doing?”

“We’re doing okay, Bailey misses you a lot.”

“She does?” Bailey immediately made grabby hands at the phone.

“C’mon, say hi to daddy.”

Bailey got the phone in her hands and chanted “daddy, daddy, daddy!” in an excited voice.

“Hi baby, do you miss me?”

“Yes.”

“Hey, daddy will be home soon, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Spence, do you think you could sing to her a bit?”

“Yes yes, daddy sing!”

Both you and Spencer laughed as Bailey grew excited over hearing her dad sing to her.

As Spencer sang along to the lullaby he recited to Bailey every night before bed, she nuzzled into your chest as her cheek was squished against you, her eyes fluttering shut as she relaxed.

You pried the phone from her hands gently and took it off from speaker mode, pressed it to your ear and quietly spoke as to not wake up your daughter.

“She’s finally asleep.”

“Has she really not slept these past few days?”

“Well only when she tires herself out from crying.”

Spencer chuckled lightly, “I feel bad now.”

“Hey it’s okay. You’ll be home soon so she’ll feel better in no time.”

“I hope so.”

Silence took over the line for a moment and you could hear Spencer trying to cover up a yawn, he was dead tired but still managed to make time to call you.

“You should go to sleep, I don’t want to keep you up for too long. You still have a lot of work to do.”

“Yeah,” Spencer yawned and rubbed his eyes as he looked at the time, 8:47 PM in the evening and yet it felt like it was 1 AM for him.

“Be safe, yeah? Think about how happy Bailey will be once you get home.”

Spencer smiled as he thought about his little girl running into his arms as soon as he walked through the front door.

“Give her a kiss from me please.”

“I will, good night.”

“Good night.”

As the call ended you looked down at Bailey and watched her sleep peacefully in your arms. Her hand was gripping your shirt and you chuckled as you remembered what you wore, the same shirt of Spencer’s that you draped on her as she slept.

Taglist: @radioactiveinvisible @whoisspence @sreidisms @lanascinnamongirls @luvkatryna @sp3ncelle @iluvreid @khxna @keiva1000 @reidstheyfriend @hiireadstuff @pleasantwitchgarden @cynbx @kimm4710 @niktwazny303 @reidsdaisies @mindfullycriminal @cumulo-stratus @themarauderseraslut @gayfor-rosadiaz @gubsbuubs @multifandomsimp69 @chyozai

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#spencer reid #spencer reid au #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid scenario #spencer reid oneshot #spencer reid one shot #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #spencer reid blurb #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader fanfiction #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x self insert #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #criminal minds

[bidisasterevankinard]

simple happiness 

bucktommy / g / 479

Buck and Tommy take their kids home from the hospital

“Home, home, home. We’re taking you both home,” Buck hums, buttoning the LAFD onesie of his daughter. He kisses her cheek, inhaling deeper this unique smell of newborn babies. Smiling even brighter than he had been smiling for the last three days, Buck finally believes that he has indeed become a dad. He and Tommy became dads. Their little precious bundles of joy in his hands right now. His beautiful twins Luke and Kya are sleeping peacefully on the changing table he put them to change in their LAFD onesies to go home.

Home. Buck takes his babies home. His babies. 

Five years ago he would never believe he would have a husband and two kids, but here he is now: admires his sleeping babies, while Tommy discharges them. 

“Ok, papers’re ready and I’ve got Luke’s car seat too,” Tommy enters the room, saying it really quietly, that Buck barely hears him, but he knows he should get acquainted with it as they now have two infants, who should sleep a lot. And Buck doubts he or Tommy both are excited about the possibility of waking any of them up, when the babies are not ready. 

Tommy pouts when he glances at their kids and Buck frowns.

“You promised I’ll have a chance to dress one of them.” 

Buck silently chuckles at his husband’s silliness.

“I’m sure you’ll have thousands of opportunities to dress them. And I wanted them ready as soon as possible so we can take them home,”  Buck puts both babies in their car seats and goes to kiss his husband. “I want to take them home with you faster and start our new chapter. And you were too long with papers,” Tommy still pouts even if a little smile in his eyes is visible too. Buck perks his lips again. “You can move both of them to the car.”

Tommy enthusiastically nods and quickly takes both car seats in his hands, flexing his muscles. That picture of his husband with their kids sends waves of both pure love and burning lust through his body, but he concentrates on love for now.

Tommy carefully walks them through the hall of the hospital and Buck catches his big smile, when he steals little glances on the precious cargo in his hands. 

Knowing that he needs this moment with him forever, Buck takes his phone out of his pocket and snaps the picture of his husband’s back and his two little angels peacefully sleeping.

Yeah, all the things he had to get through to end up here were worth this simple happiness of loving someone anyway and being loved anyway. His heart actually almost burst from the amount of love he has for three of the most important people in front of him.

His family. Buck can’t wait for his new life chapter as husband and dad. 

#evan buckley #bucktommy #911 #evan buck buckley #911 abc #tevan #my fics #kinley #kinkley #tommy kinard #firepilot #buck x tommy #bucktommy fic #ficlet

[raina-at]

Laugh

Please don’t ever become a stranger whose laugh I would recognise anywhere

The city lights reflect on the Danube river on this mild summer evening. The whole city is outside, at least it feels like it. Restaurants and bars and cafes have all put their chairs and tables outside. Schanigarten, the Viennese call it. A delightfully chaotic yet orderly habit of using public land for the enjoyment of everyone. 

Sherlock should sleep. But the city is so lovely, and the night is so mild. For once, he’s not being chased, or shot at, or hunted. He’s waiting, for new papers, for a new identity, and Vienna in June is a good place to wait. 

The wind smells like hope and a river in a city. It reminds Sherlock of London. The Danube is a different beast altogether, of course, the great stream meandering through most of middle and eastern Europe before making its way into the Black Sea. It’s been a recurring companion, in Romania, in Germany, in Hungary. Here, in Vienna, he feels like it’s greeting him like an old friend. 

He’s walking through the inner city, just enjoying the anonymity of the masses, tourists, mainly, but many locals as well, having a beer or a glass of wine outside after a long work day. It smells vaguely of frying fat and horse manure. It reminds him of London again, of walking down Whitehall past the horse guards.

Soon. He can go home soon. One last job. Mycroft promised. 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, he feels like some invisible hand has reached into his chest and is piercing his heart.

That laugh…

It can’t be.

He steps into a doorway and looks around, tries to isolate the sound.

He’s not here. You’re kidding yourself. You were thinking of him. Of home. 

There. In the Schanigarten across the street. A group of British tourists. A man laughs. He looks nothing like John. But his laugh…

For just a second, Sherlock thought… 

Hoped…

What he wouldn’t give for once glance. Just a tiny glance. Just a second, to know John is all right. 

He closes his eyes and imagines. What it would be like, if this man over there, who looks nothing like John but has his laugh, was actually John. And he knows, he knows, it’s actually better that it’s not John, because Sherlock wouldn’t be satisfied with one glance. 

What if this was truly John? Would he wait in the shadows, watching? Would he follow John home through the dark alleys and cobbled streets of this lovely city? Would he finally step out of the shadows, just as John is ready to go into his hotel? 

Would he grab John’s wrist, pull him into a shadowy courtyard? Would John try to yell, just to recognise Sherlock as Sherlock puts his hand over his mouth to stifle the scream? Would John look at him in shock, wide-eyed with wonder? 

Would Sherlock then replace the hand with his mouth, press their lips together, taste John’s fiery anger, his sweet relief, his voice, whispering, “Sherlock…”?

Would John take Sherlock back to his room? Would they not talk all night, just for the dawn to come and for Sherlock to leave with one last, lingering kiss to remind them both that this wasn’t a fever dream, but real, and precious? Would he promise to come back, would John promise to wait?

Sherlock pounds his fist against the wall to remind himself where he is. Who he is. Why he can’t lose himself in a stupid, childish fantasy. 

He has a job to do. A job he needs to finish before he can indulge in even thinking about what a possible after would look like. A job that needs to be done so John can be safe. 

He doesn’t want you that way anyway… 

But maybe… maybe when I come back… 

Stop it. You have a job to do. You can’t afford the distraction.

Tomorrow, he will travel to Belgrade, where the Danube will greet him on the last leg of his journey. He’ll finish his job, and then, he can go home.

Then, maybe…

Tomorrow, he moves on.

Tonight, he listens to a stranger’s laugh that sounds so much like home, and he allows himself to dream. 

-----

Tags under the cut as always, please let me know if you want to be tagged or untagged.

@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @jrow @peanitbear @jolieblack @meetinginsamarra @helloliriels @keirgreeneyes @lisbeth-kk @friday411 @givemesherbet-blog-blog @salmonsown @weeesi @thalialunacy @thegildedbee @dapetty

#johnlock #bbc sherlock #my fic #may prompts 2024

[bxckkdoor]

ripples ౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆

SYNOPSIS  : things skz hyung line love about their chubby partner

PLAYLIST : ripples - beabadoobee ; touch tank - quinnie

PAIRING(S) : bf!skz hyung line x gender neutral reader

WARNING(S) : mentions of insecurity, skirts ( not necessarily feminine in my eyes ), i think thats all??

note : ah hi !!! sorry this took so long to get out, a maknae line version should be up soon as well ! i hope you enjoy !! ( and to the others that sent in reqs, those should be up soon as well, this week has been crazy for me ☹️. anyway, you can expect it sometime this week !! )

channie:

— loves coming home to you already asleep and all cozy. you’re the best thing for his insomnia, your cute little snores lull him right to sleep. after washing up, he’ll slide into bed next to you. his hands naturally find the soft skin of your thighs and plush tummy. rubbing down your soft skin till he reaches your knee and back up again. he’ll trail up your arm to your collarbones until he reaches your jaw. brushing stray hairs from your face, he leaves kisses in their wake. you slowly stir awake.

“ channie? ” your voice is so sweet, a little hoarse from the sleep. it’s only now you realize you fell asleep while waiting for him. you hate how late he stays in the studio, perfecting and nit-picking his already beyond-perfect work. you’ll always admire how hard-working he is but that doesn’t take away from how desperately you wish he was home more.

“ mmm, hi my love, ” he giggles. words can’t describe how lucky he feels knowing he gets to love you.

— he loves how you’re almost oblivious to how much everyone adores you. you just have this energy that seeps into other people, you’re so unapologetically yourself and it’s sosososo attractive.

— loves buying you new clothes that match his so when you go out, everyone knows his pretty baby is all his <33

minho:

— he is the thigh guy ever. he loves to lay with his head between your soft thighs while he does something mindless like scrolling on his phone, turning his head to leave soft kisses on your skin. sometimes he’ll get too much cuteness aggression from hearing you recall your day and leave a gentle bite in place of the kiss, soothing it with a peck when you squeal.

“ minho! ” your voice cracks a bit but he just starts laughing, smoothing over the bite mark with a kiss.

“ ‘m sorry, you’re just so cute. “ he puts his head back to look up at you admiring your features, despite them being upside down from this angle. you’re so pretty, his personal paradise. whenever work and his mind becomes too much, you’re his getaway. his escape.

“ anyways, so then she- “ you continue to talk about the girl at your favorite coffee shop and he just watched you, love practically seeping from his eyes. you’ll never grasp just how much he adores you but he can hope you understand at least a bit of it.

— he loves how cute you look with his initials around your neck or on the bracelet he bought, pressed against your pretty wrist. he would probably pass out if you ever wore thigh jewelry, a little m adorning his most favorite part of you.

— always has his hand on your thigh while he drives, squeezing along to the music or whenever he needs to remind himself that you’re all his. he gets to have you like no one else does. ( what did i say, he’s the thigh guy ever. )

changbin: 

— hear me out, your arms. he’s so obsessed with how they wrap around him, grounding him and protecting him from all things stressful.

“ oh, hi bin- “ your sentence is cut off as he lifts you into his arms, burying his sweaty face into your neck before leaving a kiss there that makes you squirm. he had just got done at the gym. it was obvious he couldn’t wait to see you by the way he practically tackled you.

he’ll just laugh into your neck before pulling back to look at you, still holding you in his arms. his hair is curly and his cheeks are flushed. you’ll never get over how perfect he always looks, especially now. it feels like he’s reading your mind when he says,

“ you’re so perfect, you know that? “ he praises. something you’ll never know is that he thinks about you the way you think about him. you’re so flawless to him, everything about you is worth worshipping in his eyes.

“ …okay, i love you binnie but you’re sooo sweaty “ he finally breaks out of the trance you have him in but only to sulk.

“ ahh, why doesn’t my baby love me!? “ he exclaims and once you finally get out of his tight hold, it’s not for long. he’ll chase you around your shared apartment and once he finally gets his hands on you, prepare for endless kisses littered across your face <3

— he would LOVE it if you were stronger than him. he finds it so attractive if he could go head to head with him in the gym, his competitive side on full display. but he also loves being stronger than you, picking you up like you weigh nothing, and having you in his lap. he knows you might worry about being too heavy but you are such a big reason why he works so hard in the gym. he just loves being strong for you.

— he’s honestly such a show off. he just likes the idea of you never having to lift a finger, and doing everything for you without you ever having to say the word. you want water? it’s already by the bed in your favorite cup. you’re hungry? he’s already in line at your favorite restaurant before you can even text him. his acts of service love language is coming on strong.

binnie bonus!!!

— he’s another one who loves to see you in cute outfits, he adores your fashion sense so you usually do the outfit picking for the two of you. whether it be a skirt on a cute pair of shorts or some plain jeans, he’s so in love with how it all fits you. 

hyunjin:

— everything about your body. just the way you move and the way you fit against him perfectly is enough to send him into a rant about his adoration for you. to him, your body is art, perfectly constructed and molded into something that not even the most time-consuming sculptures can replicate. you are art, so of course you make your way into his.

“ hyunjin, i’m starting to cramp. ” you whine. he has so many doodles of you that he’s done from picture references but now, it’s time for the real thing. despite your complaints, he takes his sweet time.

“ just a little longer love, i’m almost done. “ he whispers, making small strokes of his pencil in his sketch pad. it really shouldn’t have taken him this long but he keeps getting distracted. you’re posted all pretty for him, holding the flowers he bought you. you’re just such a sweet sight and he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from you, even if it is for a few seconds.

before he can tell you he’s done, he’s getting up and planting a kiss on your lips. having to resist touching you for so long should be a crime. just watching you be so effortlessly beautiful and not being able to show you that he’s thinking that was torture. you’re made to be loved and he’s made to carry that mission out. 

— couple pictures!!! loves taking cute pictures on your dates or going to especially pretty places to snap especially pretty pictures of you. he loves simple outfits that look good on both of you, blue jeans and white button-ups. some of his favorite pictures are of the two of you in that exact outfit, playing in fields of flowers or walking around the pretty streets of a new part of town. his wallpaper is actually of you lying in the flowers <3

— he loves to hold your waist when you’re cooking or washing dishes. whenever he’s teasing you he’ll pinch you softly. it always ends in him being splashed with water and forced to flee the kitchen to escape your playful slaps.

thank u for reading !! again, please send me any feedback or critiques you have !! this was so fun to write <3

my skz masterlist !!

— @bxckkdoor ᧔o᧓

#— asks answered #skz x reader #skz x gn reader #skz x gender neutral reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x gender neutral reader #bang chan x reader #lee minho x reader #seo changbin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #my posts <3

[yummyyummie]

It's a good thing that Vexx hasn't thought of turning Marimoo into a serpent (yet), because she would not use her new powers responsibly - but that doesn't stop me from musing about it anyways for fun, like the time Mari almost became a demon while doodling on ideas for it but then didn't, in the dnd world i call that "playing with fire" but that's fun!

#tw vore #v0re #soft vore #safe vore #oc marimoo #my characters #she'd be too much of a weenie to actually fully digest anyone so she'd just be really annoying with how clingy Mari can be #honestly i should draw more demon mari just for the fun of it because that design is just sitting there otherwise #like glimpses into the demon route au where she and vexx get raunchy with it #anyways i should go sleep it's been a long day #enjoy my continuous musings

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Belgian Grand Prix - Sprint - Fernando Alonso

#he is beating the 'pissy in interview' allegations #yes he was pissy earlier but valid #when i wished him a happy birthday like 14 hrs ago this is not what i envisioned for today hahaha #well lets hope for better tmr! #i hate tho how quick people are to accuse him of getting toxic w the team #the team messed up earlier thats a fact hes valid for being annoyed that doesnt mean hes gonna go full war criminal calm tf down! #fernando alonso #f1 #formula 1 #fa14 #we do a little bit of f1 #2023 belgian gp #2023 belgian grand prix #anyways its been a long upsetting something of a day #sleeping btwn events fucks up my brain so much i cant believe its only been like 6 or so hours #i should go back to bed!

[quietwingsinthesky]

if there was a torchwood/spn crossover, jack would get shot in the head so much. i know he already dies a lot, but he’s going to die so many times during this crossover. keeps getting bullets unloaded into him. they stab him with silver and steel and copper and none of it keeps him down. he’s gonna get squirted with borax and that one’s not gonna kill him but it is going to ruin his coat, which is materially worse for him.

#also gwen cooper would wrestle dean to the ground and beat him half to death #ianto is going to get himself possessed. im not saying he doesn’t take every precaution he knows how to against it. im saying he does and it #doesnt work <3 #i think sam and tosh could be friends :) (<- actually means they’re just both stuck in ‘make this conversation go as smoothly as i can by #masking so fucking hard. so that i can leave sooner’ mode.) #and i think owen would kiss dean on the mouth because it would make him so uncomfortable and owen can and will use his ability to be an #asshole without regret for the good of the team. especially if this moment is directly a result of like. Dean hitting on Tosh while she’s #clearly not into it. Owen is going to kiss that man at the risk of getting shot just like jack has 17 times in a row just so that he’ll #fuck off and leave tosh alone. and this will work because dean winchester will immediately malfunction upon being kissed by a man because #now he doesn’t know whether to direct his homophobic impulses at owen (<- unaffected by anything he could say.) or himself (<- guy who #believes being gay works like cooties.) #and in the background you can see jack sort of gently put his hand over toshiko’s and she releases a pen she was holding onto very tightly #and this is the part where you realize Oh She Was Going To Stab Dean In The Knee With That If He Didn’t Stop. #i also think Jack should get to kiss Crowley. i think they’d both be into it and it’d be funny. i think they should reference that they’ve #been off-and-on lovers for years actually. (gwen: you’ve been sleeping??? with the king of hell???? || Jack: see i don’t know why this is #surprising to you.) (ianto has been standing there with his mouth slightly open for a full minute. long enough for crowley to comment on it #and for owen to jokingly try to shut it for him. (cue short impromptu slap fight as ianto bats his hands away and then owen gets too into #defending the honor of his poor slapped away hands.) but anyway. <3 ianto you’re into guys you really need to come to terms with this at #some point sir. jack is *not* your exception this is an all day job.)

[exopelagic]

okay I’m going insane I need to fix my sleep schedule now

#I cannot keep getting up at/after midday this is driving me crazy #SO. I’m gonna not do ice hockey for a little bit until I can get myself normal #I want to step away from ice hockey anyway bc the new committee are being annoying and I need them to stop making me do things #tonight I will go to bed at midnight. and I will stop everything to get ready for bed by 10 bc I need that time #and tomorrow I’m setting my alarm for 7:30 #I’m going to have mornings again if it kills me bc this is making me feel like shit now #will also mean hopefully I’m less stressed about work and can schedule stuff with my friends bc oh my god everything has been a nightmare #this week. and it’s only Tuesday what the fuck #also going to make a sleep tracker again bc that worked in February #and I’m setting library times for weekdays as 9:30-12 and 2-5 because getting there is the problem and I normally stay longer once I’m ther #and that worked for exams AND there’s just less work to do now so if I can keep on top of it everything should be fine #just have to actually do it #like right now I rlly need to go get writing bc I need to figure out some title options and that needs to be done by tomorrow afternoon #otherwise there won’t be time to get feedback from my supervisor before the deadline #so while today might be a bit of a lost cause bc I need to shower go to the shop and cook which takes most of the free working time #I can do something and if I can make tomorrow morning work I’ll have enough time #I’m okay with having periodic getting my shit together days as long as I do use them to get my shit together #now pls. get your shit together <3 #luke.txt

[isaksbestpillow]

Good night! 💜

#another week on the hospital waitlist almost done five more to go #maybe i should start a very long chinese drama because lately i've just been counting the days #though now i'm also counting days to my dentist appt bc my jaw hurts and my wisdom tooth is maybe emerging lol #leave it to me to start having wisdom teeth problems in your mid-30s orz #anyway i love animals they make every day a little bit better #can't wait for unna to wake up and climb into my bed for more sleep 💜💜💜

[radlegowaffle]

love bluh bluh bluh

#初音ミク #ラビットホール #rabbit hole #hatsune miku #vocaloid #illustration #artists on tumblr #dooblenauts #i liked how this looked better while i was working on it #now it looks. so bad #the handcuffs look stupid. the background is stupid. the shading and rendering is stupid #why am i so afraid of trying new things my rendering now sucks idk what im doing its so unpleasing to look at #eugh. eugh #trying to get my shit together by trying to get a better sleep schedule. as a first step #cause that shits been fucked for ages #i slept at midnight and woke up at 6am and stayed up ALL day. i was SO proud of myself #then when i went to sleep at 8 or 9 last night i stupidly took a lil bit of a gummy to pass me out easier #it was apparently too much and i woke up at midnight freaking out #now im pissed off at myself for waking up at 10am cause of a fuck up i should have avoided but i wanted to go to sleep quicker #why do i suck. why do i suck!!!!!!!!!!! #anyway gonna burn myself out on drawing cause im useless and cant do anything else otherwise #hoping someone will be like 'hey nice art! heres some money draw me a thing' #but thats probably not gonna happen in a VERY long time #so im probably just gonna be useless for the rest of my life #dont take this as me trying to gain pity or anything im going through a mood and just really pissed off at myself 😭

[floral-hex]

woke up at 4am feeling the weight of my life crushing me, so I’ve been sitting out in my car for the last couple of hours because I just need. to. be. somewhere else.

#tumblr ate something like this but I think I deserve to shout uselessly into the void #shits rough dawg #I know it’s rough for everyone. I feel shitty even talking about myself. still… compelled to vent… big butts #haven’t really been on here much since it hasn’t really scratched that itch lately & just makes me feel lonelier #it’s cold #saw the Jazzercise studio open across the street. 5am for Jazzercise? wow. early. #and then everyone left an hour and a half later. lights out. everybody gone. weird schedule. I am perplexed. #went down the road and got a soda and I’ve been sitting in my driveway contemplating for the last 2.5 hours #guy at the gas station tried to talk to me but I just half assed a smile and nod and left #even though I know I’d love to just… talk to someone. I suppose it has to be ‘on my terms’ whatever those are #I miss having a therapist. or even just when my little brothers would talk to me. when anyone would. blegh #my insurance is still a mess and I’m about to run out of one of my blood pressure meds this week #maybe I’ll have a stroke. scary to think about. I think about dying a lot but that potential feels too real. just… pop! and I’m done. #I’ll try today to finally push to straighten it out but everything feels daunting #woke up with so much anxiety. about my health. my hearing. no money. my life. had to get out of the house even if it’s just right outside #hate to say it but I need(want) thc. haven’t wanted to spend money on it but I could have really used it this morning #can’t be sad if you can’t feel anything (jokingly but also not. whichever is less sad sounding) #actually treated myself to Dune 2 last week and it was so so good. wish I could go again. but it’s drugs food or movie right now. so… #I know. dumb priority but BIG SCREEN. maybe it’ll hit theaters again for the next awards season hopefully. just a real nice loud experience #anyway… I should go inside. almost 7am. need to take my brothers to school then drive my mom to her daily appointments #I’ve felt so hollow and angry and sad for so long it feels like. I feels so weak and sad and I’m tired of it. I’m so tired. #I’ve been eating about 1 meal a day and sleeping a lot. this is the worst my body has ever been. I feel like I’m just waiting to die. #is this relatable? #just have to look past it. it is nothing. this body is nothing. just enjoy your soda. #gonna look at pictures of butts now #ok gotta go I love you goodbye forever #you can ignore this #text

[scattered-winter]

horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago #and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember) #and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him #do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao #and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that #everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it. #and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life #and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years. #sigh. anyway. #im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet #and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3 #just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too????? #we're all grieving. i aint special. #i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl #thats what it looks like we're doing tonight #im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out #and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant. #not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been . #a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone. #sigh. im tired i need to go to bed #winter speaks #personal

[mattodore]

VERY early stages of creation!!!!!!! but this is what i've been doing for the last few hours. i wish i could make his eyes look more hollow and deep-set but alas... the limitations of the sims' sliders...

#river dipping #kavi sunder #look at me........ actually in cas making new sims that's so crazy who would've thought #he's probably going to look completely different by the time i finish with him lmao #the fc i'm using for him was actually the fc i was going to use for jackson but then i was like. should this man's name really be JACKSON? #and i'm too emotionally attached to jackson's full name so i couldn't part with it #sfdkjnhdjfngh so now i'm adding another guy to echthroi bc i just really wanted him in there somehow... like the fc is too good to pass up #i'm thinking he's one of theo's classmates like he's not in theo's party/friend group........ but he's on the outskirts trying to get in #again theo is like i'm so unlovable no one likes me and then you look to the left and there's a line of ppl wanting to get to know him #so funny how long this is taking me to finish. like. there's only one skin detail on him rn and all i've done is finish #going thru the makeup categories... 100% true that i take decades on ocs but townies or w/e are like. only thirty minutes to an hour #i was making him while my best friend was sleeping over but now that she's gone i'll try getting some sleep too #i'll get back to it once i wake up bc i've just rlly been in the mood to make sims lately... might have to be a little chef again soon #anyway goodnight friends <3 absolutely forgot to answer those messages from the other day i'm sorry dfjhfhjbb i WILL get to it tho i swear!

[swiss-army-fangirl]

.

#complaining out here bc the person i’d usually complain to has been having harder and longer days than me so #me coming in complaining abt my long day feels. fucking rude #but anyways. yeah. really long day. #like a GOOD day. lots of good things / things going well which is nice but. holy shit #i almost snapped at one of my roommates in the kitchen earlier and i talked more on the phone to my mom today than anyone else since i’ve #BEEN home. #i know why i feel exhausted i haven’t been getting enough Good sleep and also work has just been a LOT #i still feel Bad tho. feel like i Should be trying to be more social but i DON’T have it in me #which i know just. happens sometimes. part of being human. etc etc etc

[kanene-yaaay]

Hmmm life sucks so u know what that means

Time for the FLUFFIEST HURT/COMFORT hidden in my bookmarks

#I really wanted to re-read Throw me a goddamn rope just enough to hang myself w it or always and never and eventually #(or something around that. titles are v bad for me but it's Bakugou going back on time) because both of them have the cutest dadzawa EVER #but I don’t have energy for a not finished fic so :( #anyway took a bath and listened to Faroeste Cabloco because yeah best way to deal w feelings is screaming a 9 minutes long song #I don’t remember even studying that much. like. even w the preparatory course I had a routine full of breaks and quite balanced #now however I am still adapting so sometimes I just have to spend +12 hours on college w like a 2 hours break sprinkled somewhere around it #and do it again the next day #crazy #on a much lighter note!!! my classmates are nice. like. really nice. very very kind and cool and understanding and *nice*. #i know it's the first semester and everything but GOSH it's COOL to be in a class that isn’t always fighting w each other or w the teachers #it's been like 7/8 years since I've had that? so it's very very greeeat! and helpful #crazy how life works #back to the fic thing: wanted to read some atla stuff but I *really* need the trope of sad bean being adopted by Aizawa and getting to- #-to know what a family truly is #kanene being kanene #vent #also I fell from the college's stairs so BSHVSYWGS knees huuuurt. it was nothing bad and honestly I was laughing a lot because #it was just such a sudden and weird fall that I just agefyevehevhe !!! and a classmate helped to get up like BRUH #SHAKING U BY THE SHOULDERS HOW DARE U TO BE SO NICE #anyway high emotions maybe I should sleep earlier today #or look for comforting tk fics #👀👀 hurt comfort soft playful cheer up tickles imma coming for u 👀👀

[devildairymilkfairy]

.

#man im really tired of having feelings for him. i should really just keep my distance and go back to dating apps #i long for the connection we have and hate having to build up something brand new #but im really tired of feeling butt hurt everytime he sleeps with our roommate #like yeah we broke up over a year ago. and still casually do shuff. its just hard for me to turn off that side of my brain #i just want to feel loved and be held by someone without having to build the foundation all over again #ive been depressed the past few days because of it. i act irrationally and cant control my feelings #overall its better if i just let them fuck around and i try to find someone new. only problem is im anxious and not a good conversationalist #plus i hate messaging people over phone. too much anxiety abt what im saying and if the other person enjoys me or not #anyways it sucks seeing the subtle evidence that they went at it while i was away. i have no right to be upset but i cant help but think of #him as more than a friend. i cant and shouldnt but we had dated 6 years previously. its a bit difficult to turn that switch off now #dammit i guess tonight im gonna sleep alone again and try not to cry. whatever gotta get over myself and move on. have to stop only thinking #of my self and being so damn possessive all the time #ash rambles #fuck i feel worse now after typing all that out yippee..