#as if she can't make any choices

[greensaplinggrace]

hate it when people say alina didn’t choose anything in the series as if she wasn’t out here making choices based directly on her own wants and as if she wasn’t out here wanting so many things and as if she wasn’t out here pushing towards a destination she was determined to reach.

she’s forced into many situations but she finds her way out of them, she acts with her own intentions, and she isn’t some wallflower poor helpless victim you can claim is blameless in her own actions. throughout the books, she suffers from writing choices that constantly have her reacting to things instead of taking the initiative. but that doesn’t mean she never does, and that doesn’t mean that when she does, her actions aren’t her own. stop erasing her character to make her more of a helpless victim. 

this is the girl who used the cut on the skiff and abandoned people to die. this is the girl who brought a chapel down on the darkling’s head. this is the girl who looked the apparat in the face and turned the tables of power on him in an instant. why is everyone in this fandom obsessed with making the female characters one dimensional victims whose only character trait is that they’ve been hurt?! it’s obscene.

one of the only things she didn’t choose was having her powers stripped from her in the end. but the people who are ready to strip her of all agency throughout the narrative are suddenly ready to claim this was her intentional sacrifice all along when it textually wasn’t just because it serves their ‘pure victim’ image of her in their minds. please.

#she's an unwilling savior but she still makes her own choices #sab salt #myramblings #shadow and bone #sab #grishaverse #alina starkov #this is the way people talk about genya too #as if everything that defines her is her trauma #as if she can't make any choices #this fandom is infuriating because it says its on the side of the victims and all it does #is erase all of their complexity to serve a made up perfect victim narrative in their head #sab negativity #fandomcourse #'everything's the darkling's fault' #if everything is the darkling's fault then he is the only three dimensional complex character #if he is the only one who's actions have an impact on the story then you've got some problems

[wouldntbehim]

mix: firstprince (taylor's version)

#rwrbedit #alex x henry #alex claremont diaz #henry fox #my reward for not putting any tswift songs on my other mix is that i decided to do one that is just. nothing but tswift songs. #so. firstprince mix (taylor's version) #i was gonna do 'say don't go' for kensington but. #i actually liked 'haunted' a lot more for it #and nearly did 'haunted' for the scene of alex and nora but they swapped #(dress was entirely self-indulgent btw but. i couldn't resist.) #i have zero apologies for the choice of 'paper rings' btw #not pictured: me tapping my foot and waiting impatiently for rep tv #(listen my life will not be complete until i hear 'don't blame me (taylor's version)') #i'm choosing to blame this on my best friend #bc i went 'since i didn't put any on the other mix tell me i can't make one that's just tswift songs' #and she went 'do it.' #and i said 'okay at least tell me i can't just name it 'firstprince (taylor's version)'' and she said 'okay but you should' #so here we are. #also i think my favorite coloring in this is the one i used for 'wildest dreams' and 'you are in love' and 'say don't go' #yes i did attempt to color them in ways reminiscent of the albums and what about it

[layla-carstairs]

reading tftsa is always an emotional experience especially when you get the short stories focused around the Blackthorns because the absence of Mark just bleeds out. like when you read about Julian being Helen's suggenes and Simon being the witness to Julian's parabatai ceremony you are just burdened with the knowledge that that's not who they would have picked if the circumstances were different. in a different life it was Mark.

#I think about this all the time & it just makes so sad #like Julian picking Simon of all people because he didn't know who else to ask :( #because everyone he would have asked is dead or taken away from him #also as much as Helen loves Julian there's no way he was her number one choice #like. it was Mark it would always be Mark the brother who she knew before she was even Helen Blackthorn #I wonder if Julian understood that obviously Helen would never say that but Julian's clever #probably did not help with his insecurities surrounding Mark 😬 #on the other hand. imagine how Helen felt #in another life he's your suggenes in this life he's not there at all #and he's never meet (?) the love of your life and you can't even mourn him because he's not dead. he's just not there. #ignore the spelling errors I'm not editing any of this #bella talks #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #helen blackthorn #mark blackthorn #julian blackthorn #simon lewis #tales from the shadowhunter academy #tftsa

[uselessnbee]

what i wish people would also explore more when it comes to Percy is the other side of his feelings about his mom about family and his childhood but this fandom is too afraid to paint Sally even in the slightest bad light (even if it's not bad just acknowledging her flaws because she's a human being and not perfect) that no one will touch on that subject. like yes Sally is the best mom but she also isn't and that's the thing! She isn't perfect! but she tried her best but her best still got Percy hurt and it isn't her fault at all but that's the tragedy of it. i want Percy's feelings about this explored. how he grew up with a loving mom but an abusive step father. how his step father would humiliate him and call him stupid but then his mom soothed him and told him he's not the things Gabe calls him. how Gabe would hurt him and Sally would be there to make him happy and loved but at the same time she stayed with him. i want Percy's feelings explored about how he knows his mother loves him but her absence still hurt him. she would work so much to have money to raise him she did that for him but at the same time it meant Percy was left alone or with Gabe. Sally gave up so much for him, she sent him away to protect him but at the same time he was sent away from his mom. she's the only parent he has because his father is absent and Gabe is not actually a parental figure at all but she's also often absent in his life too and that must have left him with such mixed feelings because it's not all black and white! Sally's love protected him but also hurt him. Percy loves his mom so so so much but there's also this deep-seated bitterness and hurt and anger he never let himself feel and then the guilt for having those feelings because his mom loves him he knows that and she gave up so much for him and she married a monster that abused her to protect him, he knows that but it doesn't make it hurt any less. the mess his emotions are because he knows his mom suffered for him and did it from her love for him but he still desperately wishes she never married that monster that he wouldn't have to have the childhood he had with him that he wouldn't have to live with the trauma he was left with. this all is exactly what makes their relationship so fascinating and also heartbreaking.

or the idea of Percy having weird mixed feelings after Estelle is born because that's his little sister and he loves her with his whole heart and would do anything for her and wants only the best for her but there's also this little jealous monster deep down that wonders why she gets to have a loving mom and a loving dad and a happy normal life but he never got that. why does she deserve it but not him? why couldn't he have that too? doesn't he deserve that too? he was just a child too so why why why??? and then the guilt of feeling that way too it makes me want to scream. emotions are fucking messy and they can be really ugly and they can make you hate yourself and there's no way Percy's feelings aren't a mess when it comes to this and i want to see it explored so badly!

and with Sally too! her feelings about Percy because she did so much and tried her best but sometimes unfortunately your best isn't good enough and it still got her beloved son hurt and she hates it and feels so guilty but she just has to live with that but she can't help to wish it was different. that their lives would be different. better. normal. she can't help but to wish she didn't have to do the things she's done, didn't have to suffer so much just to protect her child. can't help to wish she didn't have to worry so much, didn't have to be so scared about Percy, didn't have to be terrified that one day he won't come back home to her, that she won't be able to hold her son anymore because he will be gone, she just wishes he didn't have to suffer so much, she just wishes and wishes and wishes

and i just wish people weren't so afraid to explore this because it's so heartwrenching and yes if you want something do it yourself but unfortunately i cannot write nor am i able to handle this topic in a way it deserves so i am left only with rambling about it on here thank you

#i am not trying to victim blame or anything i love Sally and she did her best and didn't deserve any of the crap life gave her #but there's just something so tragic about the fact that she married a vile man and suffered abuse to protect her son #just for her decision to hurt him anyways just in a different way but the only other option would probably be Percy ending up dead #so she can't really truly regret it but she just wishes those weren't their only options #that she didn't have to do this just so that her child could stay alive #thinking about it makes me go feral #they had no choice but to suffer there was no way for their lives to be without this much hurt and trauma and it's terrible #and they didn't deserve it but there was so much love too #but the horrible thing is that that love just wasn't enough to save them from all that pain and i need to be sedated bye #percy jackson #sally jackson #pjo #hoo #percy and sally #percy jackon and the olympians #whatever you do don't think about a six years old lonely Percy sitting in a corner waiting for his mom to come back home from work #and he knows she loves him but he misses her so much when she spends so much time in work and that hurts #don't think about a ten years old Percy being sent away to a boarding school and he knows his mom loves him #but what if she's sending him away because he's just too much? or not enough? and what if she doesn't want him anymore? #and he knows that's not true but what if? #i'm thinking it #okay i think that's enough

[dollypopup]

y'all can all cancel me (again) for this, but if there's even a SHRED of 'who should I pick?' from Penelope in season 3, I am tuning out SO fast because like. . .sorry not sorry, there IS no choice. Debling is some crusty OC suitor she barely even knows and Colin is a man who she has been so supposedly in love with to the point where she'd ruin her entire family's reputation to have a potential love story with him. Penelope and Colin have background, years of knowing each other, intimacy that few people in the Ton can boast of having (letters, conversations about purpose, fights and arguments and makeups) and her and Debling have. . .a dance or two at a ball because he's a rebound for Penelope's broken heart. he means nothing. he has no nuance, he has no weight to the story, he is such an afterthought to me. either I wanna see Penelope going 'you know what? I don't even LIKE this dude. he's. . .fine, but I don't care about him even a shred as much as I care about Colin' or the INSTANT Colin's like 'you know what? we should get married' if it's not an immediate 'say less, you're already my husband, try returning me without the receipt, Debling whomst?' then I don't want it!

like. . .it's just so frustrating to see all the 'I hope Debling sweeps her off her feet and she rejects Colin's proposal and she makes him work for it and and and-' nonsense from the fandom and it's always tagged and no matter how many times I block it, it just keeps popping up. I go into the Polin tag for POLIN. I don't give a SHIT about a male love interest other than Colin. Not one. Not a shred. Not an iota.

and also. . .Debling has the 'benefit' of not having depth, or character traits, or HISTORY, so peeps can project onto him however they want, but I'm calling it now, there is NOTHING he could do or be that would make me like him more than Colin. Colin will always hit different, and I will always love him more. and if Pen's not on that same page? lol bye

you want me to believe Penelope and Colin are soulmates and it's romance for her to hem and haw about how difficult a decision it is for her to marry a stranger who knows barely anything about her. . .

when Marina was out here dropping banger lines like 'You were the only man with which I could see myself being happy' and 'I do not care about any of these men, where is Colin?'? like hello??? and she wasn't even fully in love with him!!!! but we'll demonize her until the cows come home in our fandom and make her the villain in Polin's love story for DARING to get in between Polin, yet Debling, a white man, is a darling dear perfect prince for getting in between Polin? existing in our fandom solely so Penelope can be like 'lol, Colin ain't shit, let me entertain any and everyone else'?

if that's the direction it goes then, ten toes down and on my mama, she doesn't deserve Colin and she can move because I'm on my way to court him my damn self

and that's that on that

#you know what? lol it's been a bit since i've posted a controversial opinion #tagging it #polin #sorry not sorry i ship polin. . .so i wanna see. . .polin. . .and i'm getting damn sick and tired #of all the bullshit pen/oc pen/other dude theories and stories in the polin tag #and i don't want polin to lose screentime over a frankly bleh male oc #you can't change my mind #if i don't see at least marina's 'you've seen him with the little bridgertons!' level of squee and 'i only want to talk to colin' #levels of devotion then i don't fucking WANT IT!!!!! #yeah definitely try out the marriage market #realize that NO ONE has a good time on the marriage market #try to get over him w/ whomstever #but then be like 'i don't even LIKE this dude where's colin i miss him' about it!!!!! #because otherwise i am not here #i am asleep #and i am courting colin in your place pen #i'm coming for your man #anti debling #if debling has 100 haters i am one of them if he has 10 haters i'm one of them if he has 1 hater i am the hater if he has 0 haters i'm dead #it's incredibly obvious that 'pebling' is half rooted in a revenge storyline fueled by anger at Colin and his complexity #and half a projection of wanting Penelope to have 'choices' because she is a representation and manifestation of the fans themselves #and so people think an OC that can be 'perfect' for them- whoops I mean Pen (because he doesn't have any real depth or interest) #he's a cardboard cutout we can throw whatever you want onto #so we can make him 'perfect' instead of the much more meaningful storyline of pen and colin both being messy and loving each other more #and part of it is bitterness over Polin not being insta-love #which. . .if it was i wouldn't like them as much as i do #anyways y'all ain't slick #and it's fucking WEIRD to be in a fandom that's like 'i ship this couple but i hope she gets with ANYONE else' #maybe you. . .don't ship the couple?? #like. . .to the point of wanting her necklace to be from debling. . .and her wearing it everywhere??? WHAT??

[fox-guardian]

sometimes i am reminded of strange comments i receive on my art and i am still baffled.

[ID: Tags reading "your alice looks like shes adicted to heroin and I love that" end ID]

like. no, people who are addicted to drugs shouldn't feel shame over their appearances, ofc. but also Why Would You Say This To Me.

#ramblings with major #tmagp #drugs mention #addiction mention #i feel like i might've made this post before ages ago but i can't remember #in any case 'this character design makes her look like she's been ravaged by the effects of substance abuse' isn't really a compliment #especially since i wasn't exactly. going for that. at the very least it's a very strange thing to say. #also what part of this makes her look that way to you. is it the paleness of her skin? how skinny and lanky she is? #please tell me it's not her crooked teeth. #if it is i might have to kill you #(obligatory Don't Seek This Person Out And Bother Them Please) #again there's no shame in physically bearing the evidence of addiction #but its like. idk presumptive?? like Only People Who Are On Drugs Look Like This and it can't be for any other reason like. idk. genetics. #its just a weird comparison to make/thing to assume i guess. imagine saying this to an actual person #'youre so skinny/pasty/have such bad teeth i love it are you on heroin' like could you imagine #like clearly the person is happy about this design choice. im. im glad about that. but just. what.

[smallblueandloud]

i keep feeling like. there's something parallel between rose and yaz's endings. maybe parallel isn't the right word -- but i keep wanting to draw comparisons, i think because they're two characters who really defined specific doctors and for whom it's basically confirmed the doctor returned their (romantic) feelings

(they're not the ONLY ones who fit this description, but i'm in no way qualified to talk about clara or even river, so bear with me)

it just feels. i don't know. rose never leaves on purpose. she is separated from the doctor, forcibly, every single time. the doctor sends her home, or she gets stuck in an alternate universe, or the doctor leaves her in the same alternate universe. every single time, she fights to get back to the doctor. the writers had to create a perfect happy ending for her (half-human version of her doctor who'll age along with her, in the alternate universe where her father is alive) because otherwise she wouldn't stop fighting to get back to the doctor, and the show can't have that. the show needs to move on. we need rose to fade into the past.

i haven't seen all of yaz's episodes, but her arc seems very similar from the limited amount i've seen. she keeps fighting to get back to the doctor. she's in love with the doctor, and the doctor basically confirms returning her feelings, albeit in a very stilted, hesitant, doctor-y way (compare "imagine that happening to someone you--" with "and if i was going to, believe me, it would be with you").

but when yasmin's doctor regenerates... yaz is just expected to. step away, go back to living her life, never see the doctor again. kinda like the abandonment that most companions have ever experienced -- getting dropped off once and then goodbye forever! -- except with more of the onus on her. the show has to move on from rose's era, so she gets dumped on a beach. the show has to move on from yasmin's era, so yaz has to accept that the doctor is going off to die alone. she has to make her peace with that information.

i don't know. i think yaz's ending is trying to go hand-in-hand with graham and ryan's purposeful exit -- it seems like the chibnall era tried really hard to have Not Terrible endings for companions. which is very admirable! but honestly? yasmin's ending feels crueler than most, including rose's. yaz was in love with the doctor. the doctor reciprocated those feelings. they should've gotten their equivalent of s2-era 10rose! she should've gotten a chance to stay with the doctor through their regeneration, the way other love interests have been able to (s/o to river and clara!).

i know this is because of the limitations of the show. bad ratings meant chibnall left after only one regeneration, and new incarnations of the show rarely bring in characters from other eras.

but i'm still very sad for yaz :( like yes, she wasn't just dumped on the curb without warning. but she was still expected to say goodbye to someone she loved, knowing that person was dying, and not say a word of protest. if the previous history of the show is any indication, she's never going to see the doctor again. she doesn't get a half-human version of the doctor to live out her days with, and she's not "allowed" to fight to get back to the doctor, either, due to the way the show's structured (but also the way the doctor talked about them saying goodbye). she has to live the rest of her life knowing that the doctor is out there, perfectly capable of visiting, and the only reason they won't visit is because yaz is from a specific time of their life that they've moved on from.

i know she has the companion support group. and i know she'll move on! she's yaz. she's strong and self-actualized. she'll be okay, eventually. but she has to be okay, you know? she has to learn to live without the doctor. rose never had to do that.

it just makes me sad :(

#doctor who #thasmin #yasmin khan #thirteen x yaz #i guess maybe this post can be summed up by ''yaz is kinda the (nuwho) doctor's first actual ex. and her being an ex makes me sad :('' #sb and l rambles #sb and l watches dw #this post has been brimming for awhile but i sat down to write dw fic tonight and went ''i can't do this without talking about yasmin'' #i'm not criticizing the show necessarily. i know why they had to make these choices. #i think i do prefer for 13 and yaz's ''breakup'' to be a mutual understanding as opposed to 13 leaving her on a curb w/out any warning #they were doing the best they could with a limited hand #it just makes me sad :( and it makes me hope that they mention yaz in the next season #essbie? hoping the show calls back to a love interest that isn't rose?? it's more likely than you think! #i am just so attached to yaz. i didn't expect to be but god she's so great and she just gets dealt such a difficult hand :( #and she copes with it! of course she does! ....but rose never had to deal with that kind of difficulty.

[strqyr]

summer betraying raven isn't messy enough i need it to be followed by an opportunity for raven to take the high road but bringing a shovel instead cos this hole isn't deep enough

#just. imagine #summer betrays raven and they fight #which ends up with summer dangling above a grimm pool or something #only sundered rose keeping her safe #or maybe raven instinctively grabs for summer when she's about to fall #they were teammates after all #friends who trusted each other #and then #it's time to make a choice #lift her up or let go #any other day the choice would have been obvious #but the betrayal *really* stings #and raven let's go #strq women are built different #<- this has now become my tag for the mess that is summer vs raven #(like cinder did with neo) #(you can't just threaten ppl without consequences) #(and whaddaya know ruby was there too) #(and whaddaya know x2 the lamp -> spring involvement?) #(the plot thickens)

[carlyraejepsans]

with toriel and asgore it's like. they're both flawed and their flaws parallel one another, but they're not EQUALLY flawed... like..... come on......

#let's be serious here. just say you don't like toriel and move on. but don't pretend her hypocrisies were in any way comparable #in size in subsequent damage or in blame to asgore's own #the game goes out of its way to show asgore's actions as wrong. both towards his people and towards toriel. noble yes. sympathetic. tragic. #heartwrenching. narratively impeccable and capable of genuine chance. but fundamentally the wrong choice made by a good man #toriel may not have made the best possible choice at every turn but her final intentions were the morally correct ones #she just did what she KNEW was right. even when it meant leaving her entire life and people behind to live in isolation. #asgore backed toriel into that corner just as much as he did himself #he was a good man who was in a world of hurt and that decision hung over him for the rest of his life but it WAS. HIS. DECISION. #you cannot take that from him. you cannot take the teeth out of his character like that #and you cannot take toriel's role as the person who challanges and refutes his decision from her #her entire character was created as a subversion of rpg motherhood. and how it had so little of motherhood in it. #letting children venture out into the wilderness to face god knows what god knows where #WHICH IS!!! IN ITSELF!!!! A NARRATIVE PARADOX. because it's something that the genre requires for the story to exist #you can't play the whole game on tutorial. the contradictory nature of her stance between morality & ut's genre is built into her character #that's what makes her so freaking interesting to begin with!!!!!! like. #OUGH #undertale #toriel #asgore #entry log

[luaminesce]

Me: -writes a post talking about fandom misogyny and the sexist hypocrisy of FE fans whilst still noting that Edelgard did some questionable things-

Some rando:

#like i'm not saying she was 110 percent morally justified #or that the devs didn't write her a certain way #but for a game where there aren't really any clear heroes or villians and you make morally ambiguous choices #you can't really say she was a villian #also THIS IS FICTION we are talking about #would i be a war criminal considering i had to play as Genghis Khan and reenact his conquest of China? #edelgard von hresvelg #fire emblem #fire emblem: three houses #(although i'll give you the white feminism because yeah she could've been better to Petra tbh)

[halalgirlmeg]

I'm very weary of narratives and dynamics that paint people of color as like bullies, or intolerant/bigoted, or anything of the sort against white characters cause it's not that we're infallible either within specific communities or as a collective but like...idk like I feel like we're usually in these roles more often than not (its ESP Black women and girls, and Dark skin women and girls even moreso) like, esp when shows tout themselves as progressive cause knowing how Fandoms roll esp in regards to bleeding into actors off screen I just know there are people like going the hell in, because even when they're not bad people at all or just like a fleshed out human beings let them do one thing wrong, or do something fans don't like, people never shut the fuck up about it (look at Meredith and Amelia from Grey's vs Maggie and Bailey, esp in like the second half of the Grey's run) meanwhile white characters can never do anything wrong ever even when they're very much in the wrong which hmmm does that not also sound like real life?

#tbh this is about a lot of shows but I keep seeing clips of that show heartbreak high #and it's this lesbian couple I think and one is white and autistic and the other one is Asian #and I always see clips of the asian girl being very like abelist and mean and people talking about her #which she seems to always be ragging on her gf one way or another which obviously no one should be doing that #but again there's always an implication that we as woc are always the aggressor or mean #and it's like why did you make that choice #of you've actually seen it tell me if I'm wrong #but it's like I kind of can't unsee this dynamic it happens a lot in television and film #it's like when people wanna do this Black people vs LGBT ppl very much ignoring all the people with both identities #but also acting as if Black people are just so intolerant that we don't know any better or could even be supportive if not a part of #these groups #I'm sure this applies to other groups too I'm just speaking on my own experiences at this second #idk if I'm making sense it's like 3 am #random

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much. #that's her daughter but it's also her best friend. #but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself. #a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing. #and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this. #the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*. #we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed. #and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little. #(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it. #and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river. #you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you? #having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends? #according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song. #i think that's the takeaway here. #ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

[completeoveranalysis]

[7]

Ooh I do wonder about this 

Yuuko talks about how Evil Wolverine wants to bring back someone who he’s already lost - which is ironically exactly what Lava Lamp just promised to do. 

From the narrative framing I’m assuming that Sakura IS still saveable somehow - but what if she wasn’t? Would Lava Lamp become the next Evil Wolverine? 

And Yuuko looks so sad when she talks about how once you lose someone they’re gone forever. Is she thinking about Sakura, and whether or not she can still be saved?

Is she thinking about Clow, and how much she misses him? 

Or is she applying her words to herself?

#The Yuuko mystery has not been revealed to me #But there is a reason she has spider lily imagery #And there is a reason she is a part of the universe and not free to make her own choices #And Clow Reed IS Clow reed #SO #What did he ruin exactly this time? #Liveblogging the reservoir chronicle #Tsubasa #Vol 180 #Yuuko Ichihara #Sakura #Evil Wolverine #Mokona #Lava Lamp Guy #How DID Clow Reed die in the end #And is that in any way related to why Yuuko is still here #trapped in a role and unable to directly help the people around her without a price #I can't WAIT to find out #In *checks* like a hundred chapters or less!

[kanerallels]

Okay good news we made it to our hotel room safely! In honor of that fact, I have a new poll for y'all

#making my mutuals make my choices for me #the damascus project (story) #fantasy adventures with waffles #now the way i abide by these results is gonna be creative #because i can't let my sister catch on #and. ya know. she's on here #also i might not even write any of these #i got steve miller au fics #and the sabezra aladdin au waiting for me

[stickers-on-a-laptop]

"you have something that gathers people to you" yeah plot device unfortunately

#gaimin' it up #i don't dislike mai but it's kinda like mio in kiva #where you're a little 'any choices this girl actually makes immediately gets her in danger so she can't really afford to have agency'

[navree]

the weird thing about the sarah hess interview (there are a lot of weird things about that interview but if i talked about all of them this would be the length of a phd dissertation) is that, like, if you want us to give some sympathy to aegon and acknowledge the complexities behind him not wanting to rule but wanting it and his relationship with alicent and his siblings and rhaenyra and all that without the audience getting hung up on him being a rapist, don’t write him being a rapist? you are a writer on the show sarah, you’re the one who decides and this was an easily solvable problem

#personal #house of the dragon #this is especially galling because i actually quite like the rest of what they're doing with aegon #like for one the actor is quite good he's one of the few parts of that horrid domina show that i actually like #for two everything that was goin on in sunday's episode was doing a lot #like his scene with aemond and then with alicent where he asks if she loves him and his coronation #and then with rhaenys and meleys when alicent steps up to protect him and all that it was solid work for the character #and his relationships with the people in his life #so you could have quite literally just nixed the rape thing and it wouldn't have even mattered? this isn't affecting the plot at all?? #i'd say she can't write him well but i don't think she can write any of these characters well #like she wants us to woobify aegon but after writing him doing vile shit #she isn't giving anything for helaena beyond 'is a dragondreamer and mayyyyybe autism coded' #(and whether or not that's offensive is for someone else as i'm not autistic and can't speak to that) #she flattens out all of rhaenyra's bad traits but makes her a stupid politician #she HATES daemon for whatever reason why is why so much of that bullshit surrounding ep 6 happened #she (and the rest of the writers) have put no effort into giving any depth to corlys or rhaenys or ANY of the velaryon kids #just weird writing choices that are basically the writers getting in their own way #because there's good characterizations here #as i've said everything else with aegon was interesting (and that scene with him encouraging jace with his dragon was v sweet) #and helaena being a dreamer is good and daemon and rhaenyra and alicent are also characters with amazing complexities #and this thing they're doing with daemon in particular and his whole 'wants to be loved' shtick is fun #but they can't get out of their own way and do weird fucking nonsense #and then complain when the audience doesn't get it #you are the person making the story you can bend this story to your will you know!!!!! you can write these characters!!!