#beast chuuya makes me so upset | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

silawastaken · 24 days

Text

Analysis of the poem Chuuya wrote to Dazai in Chapter 22 of my fic 'the (not so) perfect pair'!!!

Most of this poem(as you may have read in the an) was inspired by my own gf- but here is my little analysis of where various inpiration came from, and what it links back too because I wanted to make this and was told it may be appreciated :D

Sick, angry and jealous.

That's how I feel.

Frequently Chuuya mistakes his positive feelings towards Dazai as anger or annoyance, he kept thinking he was sick instead of embarrassed or flustered

Hot and bothered like you're under my skin, teasing and taunting like nothing has happened.

Like nothing had changed.

He thinks that he can't have been the only one who noticed the slight shift in their dynamic, the more frequent lingering looks, the few times even before Dazai's birthday that they almost kissed, and is infuriated at the lack of recognition in the shift, the way Dazai continues to poke fun at him the same joking way as before.

You have upended my world, changed it and claimed it as your own, and worst?

I can't complain.

I'm sick and nauseous and the reason why is you, but it's adrenaline at the same time, you're like a drug I can't get enough of, killing me while I admire the colour it changes my vision to see.

Chuuya mentioned earlier in the fic, after they fell out that he and Dazai were 'too codependent for their own good', which is what this line is a partial reference too. Dazai has always been around, Dazai has always been a large part of his life, and he's realised how much, and how upset it's making him, and he just doesn't care, because it's Dazai. Regardless of how it hurts, he'd rather hurt than not have Dazai.

To call you a muse would be an understatement, to call you pretty would be demeaning, to say I love you could never encompass the extent to which I care for you.

I want to be with you, forever.

Dazai and Chuuya are both artists. While Chuuya is a poet, and Dazai is a painter, they're each others muses. They have always been able to find the beauty in each other, always cared for each other in a way others didn't understand. So to call him pretty, or say he loves him, wouldn't be enough to accurately portray how he feels.

Forever isn't enough. I could know you for my life and five more and I'd never have enough, there has been a part of me that has known you since before I could know anything else.

This line is a reference to beast T-T Through the entire thing, I've added constant references to canon, in Chuuya's fear of heights because he can't fly, to Dazai's determination he'd be an anti hero. Dazai even tells Chuuya a story which is literally just the main bsd timeline. They've both said, multiple times, that they'd be together in every universe. Because they are, and they know it. They have known each other in every universe, for this life and five more, and they still gravitate towards each other like magnets. Opposites, and stuck together.

If the world doesn't want us, and heaven won't house us, I will keep us here. The sky will rain fire and the ground will grow molten, and we will be here, safe and warm, and alive, this room a haven, safe from the horrors.

Hozier possessed me for a second. No, but there has always been the idea that gay people won't go to heaven. So, 'if the world doesn't want us(general hatred of people) and heaven won't house us(religious stigmatism towards their relationship, or a metaphor for not being allowed a safe and happy place) i will keep us here(Chuuya's bedroom, together, safe)'

The next lines are intended to make a point of the fact they feel safe together. Anything could happen, the world could literally fall apart, and they could sit together in Chuuya's room as it ends and feel at peace. It's supposed to lead on from the previous lines as well, signifying that even if nobody wants them, even if they don't have a place together, Chuuya would make one. He would force the fates into alignment to create a space he and dazai could be together in.

We could float between constellations and carve our names into the stars, we could mold fate to our own design, I could force us together, damn all that tries to block our way.

If nothing will have us, I will still have you.

Again, the same as the previous verse, it's about forcing a place for themselves. 'Even if nothing else works out, as long as you're by my side, it'll be okay' kind of idea. The mention of constellations and stars is a reference to the moment in the overhead tank, the glow in the dark stars on the walls, and the mention of the planetarium.

We can be together, as one, over and over, again and again, universe after universe, you and I, Dazai and Chuuya, the moon and the stars, the planets and the asteroids.

Another beast reference, and a mention of those relationship dynamics, Dazai the moon and Chuuya the stars.

Religion is what I find in you, someone worth being devoted to, I find you in the perfect things, the sun, the rain, music, and art, and nature,

every thing worth living for I can trace back to you, a memory, a daydream, a wish, another sickening urge to keep you here, to preach my love and teach you how to pick out what I see.

More hozier possession, religious metaphors for love are my holy grail, and I love the idea of finding religion in simple or pretty things, and the idea is if you find religion in the pretty things, and to Chuuya, Dazai is the prettiest, he would find it in Dazai first, and Dazai in everything else. He could find Dazai in everything, and find something worth living for. Chuuya is stuck in a situation where he wants to love someone who believes themself incapable of receiving it, and has the idea of teaching him to live himself the way Chuuya loves him, and teach him to 'pick out what i see'.

In my favourite dreams you are there, in our kitchen with the sun coming through the windows, in our garden teaching our kid to pick out plants, every time we are together, we are one.

For a few chapters, it's been a theme for Dazai and Chuuya to both realise how badly they just want to live, together, peacefully. A house and a cat and a kid, an opportunity to be people, together, and happy. These domestic dreams are Chuuya's favourite, and he can't have one that doesn't include Dazai. He can't imagine a life without him.

If I have to settle as a friend, if I have to watch from afar, I will. But I love you.

Since we were kids hiding behind trees, to the day I stop breathing.

I love you.

Forever.

Again, forever. Another reference to that fact that in every universe they meet. They're always together. They're soulmates in the truest sense. And Chuuya loves Dazai so much, that if the only way they can be together in this world, is if they're only friends, he'll happily oblige. He just wants to be able to watch him be happy.

'Since we were kids hiding behind trees' is a reference to the new years eve flashback, the moment they kissed as kids, and Dazai realised he loved Chuuya.

This poem was so fun to write, and I was actually going feral over it, so I hope you appreciate the more in depth explanation, and some of the references. Hozier and mitski just do something man- don't write poetry listening to pink in the night you'll end up with this. ANYWAY thank you for reading :3

#bsd #silas yaps #ao3 fanfic #soukoku #soukoku fanfiction #bsd fanfic #bsd dazai #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs #skk au #silas writes

20 notes · View notes

hannigramislife · 1 month

Note

so i have a question that i swear is meant with complete sincerity (i just want to preface that because i know some people send shitty passive aggressive asks and i dont wanna be misunderstood).

I dislike dazai a lot and for most of the same reasons that you do but i also really dont like jgy for basically all the same reasons. I just know you're a big jgy fan but you really hate dazai and i was wondering how you reconcile those feelings? i assume we just have different interpretations of jgy (mdzs is a vast piece of media and there's a lot of different ways to interpret each character) but i've just been getting more and more curious so i wanted to ask. to be clear, i think it's totally okay to like jgy! the same way i think its okay for dazai fans to like dazai, they're just fictional characters. so this is in no meant as an attack or an 'ah ha!' moment. i just sort of don't understand liking one character and not the other when to me, all of their worst traits are the same and jgy has actually done far worse things than dazai (like murdering his own son)

i hope my ask isnt upsetting at all. you mentioned before liking to discuss meta so i really just want to introduce a conversation and maybe understand your perspective a bit better

Firstly, thank you so much for your polite ask!

I just wanna clear something up – I am not a Jgy fan XD. I see where one might think that, but I can guarantee you, I wanted him dead as fuck and I do not condone his atrocities.

Now, I do have some friends who have talked to me about Jgy, and they're Xiyao and Nieyao fans, respectively, so by talking with them, I have come to understand better some parts of Jgy's character, which have made me more forgiving towards some of his actions. Emphasis on some. Like you said, he and Dazai share the same annoying/frustrating traits, like the fact that they're lying liars 😊

I do appreciate Jgy as a character much more than I do Dazai though, that is correct, and I guess it's because of their narrative roles. Jgy has a very solid and interesting position in mdzs – in a world where social standing is such an important part of the story, the genius, bastard son of one of the wealthiest clans is constantly kicked down (lol couldn't resist), because the system has decided he doesn't deserve the same power as his half-brother, simply because of his birth situation.

And the narrative stays true to it! Time and time again, he is shut down, even when he goes to Lanling with Nie Mingjue's recommendation letter, even when he kills Wen Ruohen, even when he is married to secure his status, fate has fucked him over. It's like trying to watch Icarus reach the sun because he feels he is entitled to it.

Plus, I'm a huge Nieyao fan XD in a "they could have totally gotten married and lived happily ever after, but nooo; some of us have daddy issues *glares at jgy*"

So, this is the reason my posts have stopped being so antagonistic to Jgy, as I like to live in a delusional world where they've reincarnated in the modern world, jgy has some morals, and 3zun is happy 😇

Now, Dazai, on the other hand, I simply can't stand him. Nothing about his story or personality makes me go even as far as "yes, and?" I don't care for him as a character (though I get how he is appealing to people). I don't understand his actions 90% of the time. Plus, his actions are also frustrating and make me mad.

Like when Chuuya used corruption and he was like, "take me back at the place," and Dazai just left his ass there. "Oh, but that's their dynamic," yes, well, it annoys me. Plus, his whole thing with Akutagawa drives me up a wall because how dare you??? Motherfucker??? His first words to Akutagawa after 4 years live in my head rent-free because you could have shown that you became a better person, but nope. Still a dick. "Oh, he did that to set up the rivalry with Atsushi," you know how Beast Dazai did that? Set them up on a date. Boom. Take notes.

I also personally think Dazai either doesn't get Akutagawa fr, or he simply doesn't care to do so because Akutagawa flourishes with encouragement, it's actually sort of insane to see. Anyways. Went on a tangent there.

So yeah, Dazai is annoying, his personality sucks, he's a manipulative bastard, and he is mean to my baby :(

#the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jin guangyao #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #ask #thoughts and feelings

10 notes · View notes

chuu-huahua · 9 months

Text

chapter 109, a summary + commentary.

ok guys since tile hasn’t sent me the chapter raws/translations (and i forgot to download them from twitter yesterday; stupid me) here’s a brief summary and then my commentary

fyodor holds his hand out to sigma, and he asks sigma “what would you like to know?” and sigma replies “every single one of your secrets”

they make contact, and the scene changes to aya and bram watching fukuchi take control of one order. aya enters the control tower room through a hole akutagawa(?) had cut into the glass when he carried them up there. she pushes a table while hallucinating her father’s tips and tricks on how to move heavy furniture (bending at the knee and using the back muscles) to push the table outside

scene changes back to fyodor and sigma, showing sigma receiving “rapid torrent of information”, showing fyodor holding sigma in the palm of his hand. sigma now knows dostoyevsky’s truth, and tells himself that he has to tell the agency before passing out (or dying? who knows)

dazai enters the frame, saying he “imagined this scene thousands and thousands of times, although in my daydreams… the roles are reversed”

perspective change to show chuuya, still in a vampiric state standing over him. dazai tells chuuya to come at him, and to “try and amuse me with your lame ass punches”. fyodor tells chuuya to stop, since dazai’s ability would cancel out the vampirism, and to kill dazai from a distance. chuuya pulls out a gun and shoots dazai in the right shoulder. dazai says it hurts, and asks chuuya “where the hell were you aiming, you god damn clutz?!”

chuuya aims the gun at dazai’s head, causing dazai to sigh loudly, proclaiming that “this is the god damn worst! my shoulder hurts… AND i’m gonna lose to dostoyevsky, and as if that weren’t enough, i’m being killed by CHUUYA!” fyodor says dazai is out of plans, but dazai says that maybe if he says a few more words, chuuya might break out of the vampiric state on his own.

”chuuya, come to your senses. our fate will not end in a place like this. because you and i are destined to-”

chuuya appears to have shot dazai in the head, although the process is covered by a flash. he shoots dazai twice more, once in the left shoulder and once at his left side.

“… haha… at long last. i’ve been… looking forward to th…” dazai stops talking. chuuya continues to stare at him in his vampiric state

scene changes back to fukuchi, aya and bram, showing how fukuchi has accessed one order and commanded all troops to commence invasion. aya ties bram’s sword handle to the table, and pushes it off the roof. the chapter ends here.

anyways time for my commentary

first of all, ASAGIRI WHAT THE FUCK. I SAID I WANTED SKK TO MEET, BUT I DIDN’T MEAN LIKE THIS KAJDSJKAHD

ok but all jokes aside, i don’t think dazai’s gonna die in this arc. apparently there’s still another arc after this including agatha, and i don’t think we can have arcs without our dear suicidal bastard who consistently steals the spotlight from atsushi

ok but his “death” sort of ties back to oda and the beast universe. dazai can’t live in a universe oda exists in, and oda can’t live in a universe dazai exists in. in this universe, oda has already died, and dazai dying would upset the balance this world set when it comes to dazai. so i don’t think dazai is gonna die.

also, it wasn’t actually even confirmed that chuuya really did shoot dazai, since it was covered by that white flash. i somehow feel like the eyes of god might come into play with this part of the arc, like how ranpo had been framed that time.

also, i believe sigma might be experiencing the information overload like how atsushi had experienced. there was no blood, unlike how karma and that special ops guy. fyodor’s ability involves blood loss, somehow, and sigma didn’t experience that. so i’m just holding onto the hope that he merely passed out from information overload.

lastly, chuuya’s vampirism state. his eyes are white now, and he seems to have regained some part of his consciousness/his body reacts accordingly when provoked by dazai. i think he’s breaking out of it, to be honest.

anyways SLAY AYA GOOOOO

#ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊ lei’s rambles #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd 109 #soukoku #dazai #chuuya #fyodor #sigma #fukuchi #aya #bram

11 notes · View notes

thepartyishere · 1 month

Text

heres my reaction to finishing beast (spoilers obviously) (this is turning out really long I'm just shoving all of my theories and analysis ideas in it without organization)

I'm going to make a separate post with some panels that absolutely destroyed me

Why didnt dazai tell chuuya about the beast world secrets instead of atsushi and akutagawa!!! if only two people can know he could have told chuuya and they could have protected the world for oda together (I am actually crying over this)

they still could have made atsushi and akutagawa partners if it was that important chuuya deserved better

buttttt chuuya is such a small part of this universe and I understand the story asagiri decided to tell. I just wish dazai was a different kind of person and made different decisions. their relationship is strange but I dont doubt that dazai could have manipulated it to be something capable of that

why did dazai come up with this horrible convoluted long term plan of abusing and traumatizing atsushi and akutagawa ober years to get them together for one fight and tell them the truth. dazai is so bizzare and perplexing

he isnt canon dazai, he just saw canonzais memories and ran with it. he saw how much oda meant to dazai and decided to protect the world where he was alive and happy at the expense of everyone else, including himself. if only oda knew the sacrifices dazai made on his behalf.

Mori taking over the orphanage and being a good guy and stepping up as atsushis father?? dazai cared at least a little about atsushi clearly, he let him and kyoka go to the light before he killed himself and set up mori to care for him. he knew atsushi would be upset after his death and accounted for that in his plan. hes not completely heartless and distant like he seems

he saw canonzais memories and set out to find atsushi and akutagawa and fabricate something similar to canon but why did make the changes he did? no way he saw canon universe and decided to switch atsushi and akutagawas positions for fun. did he see how akutagawa turned out in canon and decide he'd be better off not being raised in the mafia? was it out of curiosity about atsushis character and how he'd be if he was trained in the mafia? was it a decision in the moment he met akutagawa and decided to go with atsushi instead?

atsushi isn't as wholly internally pure as canon and fanon imply. when hes put in the environment he excels as a high ranking mafia member, killing people with seemingly no regret. yet he still finds and deeply cares for kyoka, and obviously cares for dazai (clearly shown when hes killing himself). canon akutagawa is a very lonely character, but even put in his place atsushi finds people to care about. so maybe there is some deep intrinsic love and care about him, even if he was trained or manipulated or grew to excel in his position in the mafia.

I'm still hung up on how dazai saw canonzais memories and decided to sacrifice even people canonzai cared about for odas sake. because other people got to have happy universes and oda only had that one? so even if he hurt atsushi, who canon him cares about, its okay bc hes happy in other universes and oda needs to be happy in at least one?

I dont remember much about beast soukoku, there really isn't much about them, but I do truly wonder why dazai didnt tell chuuya about the book. atsushi and akutagawa wouldnt have needed to be hurt so bad and hed be able to stay alive and personally protect odas universe. even if hes empathetically challenged and doesnt care much about using and hurting others, why wouldnt he prefer to personally know about and protect the universe? why does he trust leaving it to atsushi and akutagawa?

mmmmmmm this was so upsetting. going to go watch the live action later

#bsd beast #bungou stray dogs #beast spoilers #i dont know how to tag this #slippery slimey #mmm i dont care about reach actually maybe ill refine it and share it widely later #this really is just my emotional word vomit of theories and ideas i dont want to forget about

1 note · View note

fantastic-rambles · 3 years

Text

Black Beast, Silver Blade [3]

Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs

Characters: Akutagawa Gin, Ozaki Kouyou, Dazai Osamu, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, Nakahara Chuuya (briefly)

Warnings: Violence/homicide, mild gore, some angst, idk.

Word Count: 3.4k

"If you're his mentor, then isn't it your responsibility to look out for him?" Ozaki's voice was lightly venomous. Gin had never heard her speak in such a tone before, so instead of walking past the older woman's sitting room, she cautiously peered inside. A pot of tea had been set out on the table, but neither Ozaki nor the young man sitting across from her seemed to be touching their cups. Gin's heart skipped a beat as she recognized the heavily bandaged man swathed in black. If Dazai was here, was it somehow related to Ryuu?

"You know I have to stay with Chuuya-kun this time," Dazai retorted, leaning back on the couch. His eyes flicked to the doorway, widening fractionally as he noticed the girl watching them, and then he smiled as if he'd been expecting it all along. "Why don't we let Gin-chan decide, since she'd be the one in danger? Come in, come in."

He flapped his hand at her, but she hesitated on the threshold, looking toward her teacher. Ozaki was frowning slightly as she also turned her head to look at Gin, but she eventually nodded reluctantly, and Gin stepped lightly into the room, stopping when she stood at Ozaki's shoulder. She waited quietly, suppressing her presence as she had been taught, as she fixed her eyes on the youngest Executive of the Port Mafia.

He hadn't changed much since the last time she'd seen him, and she found herself wondering about his bandages once more. He didn't seem like someone who could be injured so badly, given that he'd apparently single-handedly taken down a small gang without lifting a finger, and yet, she never saw him without them.

"Yah, Gin-chan, you're as cute as always!" Dazai exclaimed cheerfully, though the steadiness of his gaze didn't falter. Even so, Gin could feel herself coloring, and she inclined her head slightly in silent thanks.

"Anyways, I was just talking with Kouyou-san about how I need someone to hold A-kun's leash for a little while," Dazai continued. "She thinks--and I agree--that you're not ready for a mission of this level yet, but there's also nobody else who could handle it without losing an arm, at the very least. We're planning a raid on one of our best suppliers because they've been skimming enough off the top that they think they have a chance at taking us on. To teach them the error of their ways and make sure that none of them slip through the cracks, I want to have a team go in from each side and trap them in a pincer attack. Based purely on strength, the vanguards would be Chuuya-kun and A-kun, but I'm worried about both of them losing control during the fight. I'm the only one who can stop Chuuya-kun if that happens, but your brother will probably listen to you, right?"

Gin frowned slightly beneath the mask that she'd taken to wearing. Ryuu had never been particularly inclined to obey anyone else, and these days, the only person whose words he seemed to hang onto were Dazai's. But before she could respond, Ozaki interrupted, jabbing in his direction accusingly.

"Tell her the truth, Dazai. It's not that you think she can control him, but that if he savages her, there's a chance he'll come to his senses. I thought that we all agreed to keep their relationship a secret so they can't be used against each other: if you do this, who knows what rumors will start? Unless you're hoping that Akutagawa-kun will kill Gin to remove that weakness."

"Aiya, aiya, you're too suspicious, Kouyou-san!" Dazai reprimanded the other executive. "Okay, yes, you're right: I think A-kun would recognize Gin-chan and hesitate to raise a hand against her, which means she can push him in the right direction during our raid. But I really don't want her to die! If A-kun actually killed her, or even if she died because of a situation that he got her involved in, he'd probably be of no more use to the Port Mafia!"

Although he spoke jokingly, Gin had to repress a shudder. It wasn't that she was afraid of Ryuu, or of death. But the way Dazai had said he would be "of no more use" so carelessly, as if her brother was simply a tool that would be discarded if it broke, was an icy blade in her heart. Both of them knew that Ryuu's mentor was just this sort of cold and logical man, but it still scared her to think what would happen if the only man her brother respected, the one who had given Ryuu a reason to live, abandoned him. And on top of that, if she was no longer there…

But if she wasn't there and Ryuu turned his fangs on his allies, he would either be killed by the Mafia or blacklisted if he somehow managed to survive.

"I'll do it," she said softly. She couldn't see Ozaki's expression from where she was standing, but she could read her mentor's feelings anyways in the way the older woman tensed. She was happy to know that Ozaki cared for her, but this was something that she couldn't back down from, and she was relieved when Ozaki didn't try to dissuade her. Instead, the executive addressed her next words to her counterpart.

"It has to be tonight?"

"Yup! I've already sent out the call to muster, so we're committed now!" Dazai stood up, brushing off his pants and clearly indicating that the meeting was over. As he passed Gin, he pulled a twist of paper from the pocket of his coat and offered it to her. Knowing that it was probably information regarding where she had to rendezvous, she accepted it silently.

"Tonight, then!" he reminded her brightly before he left. Afterwards, the room was filled with a tense silence, and Gin wondered if she should just leave. But then Ozaki sighed, taking another cup from the tray and filling it with tea before placing it beside her own.

"Sit down, Gin."

Quietly, she obeyed, taking a seat beside the older woman and turning her head to look at Ozaki. She was startled when her mentor suddenly reached out and placed a hand on her cheek, and she could feel the warmth even through the thin cloth.

"Poor child," Ozaki murmured, her expression soft and a little sad. "I wish that I could come with you, but I have a meeting with an important partner tonight. Which Dazai must have known."

Her eyes flashed with momentary irritation, and again, Gin felt a deep appreciation and sympathy for the woman who had been taking care of her. She herself would feel more confident if Ozaki were beside her tonight, but Dazai was always quite deliberate in his actions, despite how frivolous he seemed. If the situation really was as dangerous as he had suggested, then perhaps this was a test for Ryuu, to determine whether he would be able to expend his powers to the fullest without losing control: if Ozaki were there, even just as backup, he could afford to hold back.

But then Ozaki turned away to pick up the teacup, offering it to Gin with steady hands. Hesitantly, Gin unhooked her mask, smoothing it flat in her lap, before accepting the offering, the delicate porcelain rattling slightly on its saucer. She waited for the other woman to raise her own cup, then took a sip of the lukewarm tea. They drank in silence, and when Gin had finished, she reached out to place the cup back on the table and rose to her feet. After she had resettled her mask on her face, she bowed deeply to Ozaki.

"Thank you for your guidance."

"Come back." Ozaki's voice was low and fierce. "Whatever happens, stay alive: you and your brother. And come back to me. I'm not done with you yet."

"Thank you," Gin repeated softly, hoping that she would be able to obey the command. When her mentor said nothing else, she retreated, unfolding the paper that Dazai had given her and memorizing its contents before tearing it to pieces and disposing of it.

She had hoped that she would have the opportunity to speak to her brother before the raid, but he hadn't come home for dinner. So now she was elbowing her way through the foot soldiers--drawing more than one curious glance--and making her way to the front of the lines. One man tried to waylay her, but he immediately let go of her arm when she slashed her knife at him, leaving the faintest trail of blood across his throat. After that, she was given enough of a berth to let her slide through the crowd, preceded by a low murmur. Thus, when she finally emerged, both Dazai and Ryuu were waiting for her, and Ryuu's eyes widened with shock and recognition.

"You--" he took a step forward, but his movement was arrested by Dazai's arm across his chest.

"Akutagawa, this is Gin, one of Kouyou's subordinates. I've borrowed him to reinforce this side since I need to be with Chuuya-kun. Gin, I'm sure that you've heard of Akutagawa? I hope that the two of you can get along," Dazai introduced Gin blandly. Gin inclined her head slightly in silent greeting while Ryuu just continued to stare at her. Finally, he turned away.

"I don't need his support. He'll just get in the way," Ryuu retorted, sliding his hands into his pockets. Grinning, Dazai slapped him on the shoulder.

"Well, if he does, I'd rather you don't kill him. Kouyou would be upset with me." Apparently satisfied that Ryuu wasn't going to make a scene, Dazai sauntered away while Gin advanced until she was standing just behind her brother.

"What are you doing here?" he hissed. Glancing over her shoulder at the assembled men and women, Gin was satisfied that they were keeping enough of a respectful distance that the siblings could speak quietly together without being overheard.

"Dazai-san asked me to come. I agreed," she replied calmly. "He thought that it would be a good test of my progress without putting me in serious danger since you'd be here. And I think that he's concerned that I won't be able to kill actual people."

She lied smoothly, having rehearsed it in her head for hours as she'd waited for Ryuu. She hated having to lie to him, but she had quickly come to the conclusion that it was better than the alternative. The truth would only hurt him, knowing that the man who he respected so dearly doubted his ability, and her story was plausible enough. It might even be true: Dazai was someone who always saw several moves ahead and rarely did anything for simply one reason.

"It's fine if you can't."

"This is my choice."

Before Ryuu could continue to argue, his walkie-talkie squawked, and he turned to face the assembled forces, raising a hand.

"Five minutes."

As he turned back around, he caught sight of Gin's raised eyebrow and explained, "They'd get in my way."

Then his cloak warped, darting forward in dark blades to slice apart the heavy steel doors and send them crashing to the ground in pieces. Before the dust had settled, he sprang forward, and Gin followed at his heels. As the sound of gunfire echoed in her ears, she sprang off to the side, her eyes picking out features in the gritty haze: piles of shipping containers, a narrow walkway, frequent muzzle flashes. Then the crash of metal, screams, the bitter copper tang of blood.

Leaving Ryuu to his work, she ran silently along the wall of the warehouse, scanning her surroundings for a way up. He could handle the forces on the floor, but anyone on the walkway would be out of his reach, so she couldn't leave them be. If his men were five minutes behind him, there wouldn't be a need for her to be by his side until they caught up, so until then, she could act on her own to keep him safe.

When a flimsy aluminum ladder materialized in front of her, she quickly climbed up, peering over the top. But none of the men were looking at her, as they were focused on the carnage below them, so she crawled over the edge, staying low as she snuck up on the closest of them. Truthfully, though, she needn't have bothered: the man was screaming curses as his machine gun chattered away, and he only became aware of her presence in the moment that her left hand wrapped over his mouth and her right hand drew her knife across his throat. Instantly, she released him, and he fell to his knees, his hands reaching up to try to staunch the flow of his blood as she silently cursed herself for not cutting deeply enough to make a clean kill.

But he would die soon enough. Leaving him where he was, she ghosted up to the next shooter, her left hand gripping her right wrist tightly to try to stop its tremors. Something must have alerted her target, though, because he suddenly spun toward her, and she had a brief, terrifying moment of staring down the barrel of his gun before she ducked and rolled forward, slamming into his legs and knocking him into his companion, sending both of them sprawling to the ground. Gin, on the other hand, had risen to her knees and lunged forward, planting her weapon squarely in the man's throat and ripping it sideways, releasing a fountain of blood that drenched her and made her shudder. Her other assailant was struggling to untangle his own gun, giving her precious few seconds to reach up and slam the heel of her hand into his nose, driving the nasal bone into the brain.

And then a concussive force slammed against her left shoulder. Gasping, she retreated as a trail of bullets followed her, clinking against the metal with more than a few burning through her flesh. And then a louder roar echoed from behind her, making her flinch and drop to the ground as feet pounded by her.

"Are you alright, sir?" A hand landed on her injured shoulder, and she jerked away from the touch as the reinforcements rushed down the walkway to clean up the rest of the smugglers. Glancing over the edge, she saw the troops that Ryuu had held back surging up the warehouse in a black wave toward a figure of wild and concentrated violence. The other side of the warehouse was apparently in the process of being flattened, with dented and distorted shipping containers flying through the air. Waving off the man's concern, she stood on shaky legs, gripping the railing with her good hand and swinging over the edge, dropping onto a pile of containers, and rolling forward to decrease the impact. Her right leg cried out in pain as it was jolted, and she bit the inside of her cheek to avoid crying out herself as she looked down at it.

There didn't seem to be anything wrong with it, other than two holes that bled freely. There wasn't time to treat it properly, not if she was going to catch up to Ryuu, so she used her knife to cut off her left sleeve, wrapping it tightly around her leg to put pressure on the wounds and slow the bleeding. Then she stumbled forward, using the containers as an upper road that kept her out of the potential crossfire as she approached the maelstrom of cloth.

She paused just outside of his range, dropping down to solid ground with a wince. As she peered around the edge of the container, her heart ached to see Ryuu staggering, covered in blood, as Rashoumon whipped around him, devouring bodies with a ravenous hunger. The screams echoed in her ears even though she'd been half-deafened by the machine gun fire on the walkway, before they were abruptly silenced. But at least it was almost over: the rattling of gunfire was more sporadic now, some of their enemies throwing aside weapons and raising their arms in surrender.

And then she saw one pair of dark jaws flying towards a man kneeling on the ground. Without thinking, she ran forward, throwing herself between the two of them. With unexpected force, the beast slammed into her, its momentum driving her into the side of another storage container and making her cough and struggle to draw breath as the air was driven out of her lungs.

"Ryuu," she gasped. She didn't know if he heard her as sharp teeth pricked at her sides, and she castigated herself mentally: the man wasn't even one of theirs, but an enemy. What did it matter if he died? That was the point of this raid, after all. And yet, striking down someone who had lost the will to fight... how could she allow it?

Too soft, a voice whispered in her head. The iron jaws released her before floating back to Ryuu's side, leaving her to slide down the corrugated steel, still fighting to breathe. A sharp pain stabbed her side as she inhaled shallowly, fighting the urge to cough that would undoubtedly make it worse. Foolish, weak, still hiding behind your brother.

An ominous-looking ball flew toward her, but she just stared at it, unable to move. It crashed into the container, crumpling it inwards as easily as if it were a tin can, and she gazed at the enormous hole beside her with wide-eyed surprise.

"Alright, alright, good job everyone!"

A familiar voice rang out in the silence that was settling over the warehouse, and Gin couldn't help breathing a sigh of relief that made her wince. Glancing over, she saw Dazai standing nearby, his hand wrapped around a shorter man's wrist: Nakahara Chuuya, she guessed. Nakahara's skin was covered with dark marks that were retreating from their point of contact in a slow crawl that made her uneasy. Ryuu stood a short distance away from them, his coat no longer a mass of blades, but shining with a dampness that made it glisten ominously. But he remained in control of himself and his ability: a small blessing.

Gingerly, Gin rose to her own feet, using the remains of the container to support herself. The movement seemed to capture Dazai's attention, and he released Nakahara, who fell to the ground in a limp, boneless collapse that suggested he was unconscious. Before she realized it, the Executive was standing beside her, his hand under her elbow steadying her. Ryuu was only a few steps behind him.

"Akutagawa, take Gin to the medics, will you? And then you'll wait to get patched up too. I'll take care of the rest here."

"But Dazai-san--"

"That's an order, Akutagawa. Both of you did well."

Ryuu closed his mouth and bent over slightly to wrap his arm around her shoulders. Bands of soft, dark cloth curled around her torso so that she was barely standing, her weight almost entirely supported by her brother.

"Thank you, Ryuu," Gin whispered. But he just shook his head in response, guiding her away from Dazai and the carnage. Now that the fighting was over, he didn't seem to be in much better shape than she was: he was breathing heavily, and not all of the blood that drenched his cloak seemed to be the enemy's. But there was a fierce gleam in his eye as they walked towards the exit, his weakness concealed by a strong sense of pride that kept every step firm. For Gin, though, it was all that she could do to not lean against him, to reassure herself that he was really there. But Dazai had gone to so much trouble to keep their relationship a secret, to give Ryuu excuses for his behavior. She couldn't risk it all for a moment of self-indulgence: that could wait until they returned home together.

As they walked together, Gin wondered again about the purpose of this exercise. It hadn't seemed like Ryuu had lost control: was it intended as a test for her, after all? Or did her brother simply have a better grasp of his ability than his mentor expected?

And then she smiled slightly, her expression hidden by her mask. They were both badly injured, but they'd survived. That was all that mattered.

#bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #fanfic #fan fic #akutagawa gin #gin akutagawa #ozaki kouyou #kouyou ozaki #Dazai Osamu #OSAMU DAZAI #akutagawa ryuunosuke #ryuunosuke akutagawa #Nakahara Chuuya #chuuya nakahara #mine

6 notes · View notes

monsieur-fancy-hat · 5 years

Note

How abt an AU where dazai and chuuya are in the mafia together and atsushi and akutagawa are in the ADA

Send me some characters and an AU for me to write headcanons/prompts for.

Ended up rewriting this like twice but I hope you enjoy!!

Some parts of it were taken from the canon BSD AU light novel, BEAST.

Ages during the backstory:

Akutagawa Ryuunosoke- 11 or 12

Nakajima Atsushi- 8 or 9

Akutagawa Gin- 8 or 9

Dazai Osamu- 16 or 17

Nakahara Chuuya- 16 or 17

Odasaku- 20 or 21

Let’s start with Akutagawa and Atsushi’s backstory!!

Akutagawa and Gin have a mother. She abused them, because she believed that she had to work three times harder to take care of them as she was a single mom. She also hated the kids for looking so eeriely like the fathers (cause half-siblings).

So after a while, Akutagawa and Gin fun away from home. They take as much cash as they feel comfortable with, take important belongings (weapons), a coat given to Akutagawa by his father, and other necessities.

The end up in the slums for a while, before an orphanage takes them in. They’re far away enough from their mother that it’s pretty much safe. But the orphanage learns about the mother and stuff. And they decide that maybe they should go into the foster care system? The orphanage isn’t sure right now, so they just let the kids stay.

So Akutagawa and Gin stay at the orphanage. They’re kinda loners, cause they don’t talk to people besides themselves. Some kids believe that Gin is mute (so they make fun of her) and Akutagawa -even at the delicate age of 12- has a death glare that makes grown adults run. So he uses it o the bullies. And if he’s not around... well, Gin has her way of taking care of things (stabby stabby).

But one day, this mysterious guy talks to Akutagawa. This mysterious man starts talking ‘nonsense’ about special powers and stuff. He also explains that Akutagawa might have some.

Akutagawa doesn’t believe the mysterious guy.

But a week later Gin was cornered in a alley by a college kid, who was trying to do.... non-consenting inappropriate things to her. And Gin, being Gin, had a knife out and was about to stabby stabby, when this random kid jumps on the college dude.

And he starts trying to hang onto the college guy by his neck and yelling for help

And Gin is just stand there wondering what the heck is going on

The orphanage staff rush into the alley to see a white-haired kid biting a college dude (who is still trying to shake him off) and a little girl, who kinda looks like a ninja, slipping what they think looks like a knife into a pocket.

They bring the police to arrest the college dude.

Everyone is wondering why he has cat-like scratches on his back and tiger bites on his neck.

Gin is interested by the white haired kid (which, you know, Atsushi) and brings him to join her tiny friend group.

Akutagawa, not a huge fan of him...

And apparently, neither are the orphanage staff.

Atsushi’s 8 or 9, Gin is 8 or 9, and Akutagawa is around 12.

Akutagawa and Gin get the least abused by the staff, cause they are great at not getting into trouble.

I mean, Gin was scolded a couple times for the incidents (“You shouldn’t have run off on your own! And if you’re gonna run away, then don’t come back!!”). But that’s pretty much it.

Atsushi, on the other hand.... let’s just say that the staff have some problems with him.

Gin (and sometimes Akutagawa) usually patch Atsushi up though, so he’s not alone!

They become decently good friends. Woohoo!

But Akutagawa starts thinking that Atsushi is secretly a tiger. Cause bite marks. Also cause he heard rumors that there was a white tiger around the orphanage grounds.

So he meets up with the mysterious guy, and tries to get some answers. Cause he wouldn’t want Gin to be hanging out with someone who could hurt her. That’s a no-no.

Sadly, mysterious guy hasn’t heard about this either. So... oof.

So one night, Akutagawa gets waken up by something crashing outside.

He puts on his coat and decides to go check it out, correctly thinking it’s the tiger.

Atsushi-tiger (he’s a baby tiger, just so ya know), seeing Akutagawa, goes to attack him.

And Akutagawa hears someone shout “Use your ability!!”

Akutagawa is kinda confused, and kinda angry, so he just says the first thing that comes to mind (He remembers that when he was younger, really really young, his father would show him how he sewed cloth together. How many shades of black you could use, and all the different styles. Mr. Akutagawa showed his son one of his favorite pieces, a black coat. He named it Rashomon. Cause I need this story to make a bit of sense.)

“RASHOUMON!”

Boom

Parts of his coat fly towards the tiger, trapping him.

But it can’t hold him for long, and Atsushi springs right back at him.

But mystery guy comes in the middle of them, and activates his ability.

“No longer human.”

In a flash of white light, Atsushi is found on one side, laying face-down bottom-up on the floor.

Akutagawa was standing on the other side.

Mystery guy offered Akutagawa a place to belong. A place to go home to. He even said Gin & Atsushi could come, if Akutagawa wanted.

And Akutagawa doesn’t know what to think.

Thankfully, he doesn’t have to, cause ANOTHER MYSTERY GUY COMES OVER

He has dark red hair, and a beige trench coat.

And he seems to recognize mystery guy #1.

“Dazai, is that you?” “Oh! Hi there Oda! Isn’t this a surprise. I’ll be taking the kids and leaving now, if you don’t mind!”

Yup. It’s Dazai and Oda!

Also, FYI, Oda does mind. Cause Dazai left the A.D.A. a couple months ago and no one has had any contact with him ever since.

Oda is upset and wants Dazai to come back. And Dazai... doesn’t give a damn.

They have a standoff-staredown.

And while they do that, Akutagawa goes over to Atsushi to check if he’s alive and okay.

Dazai and Oda fight, but Dazai can’t bring himself to kill Oda and leaves alone.

Which leaves Oda with an uncounsious Atsushi and a tired Akutagawa.

Oda decides that he should take these kids in. So he goes to the orphanage the next day and adopts Atsushi.

And Atsushi is sad cause he thinks he’ll be separated from Gin and Akutagawa.

Which is oof.

But Oda ends up fostering the Akutagawa’s.

So he just ends up with 3 more kids. Woohoo!! And the other kids too, but they’re all younger than them (3-4 at the time).

So Oda has his hands VERY full. Too nice.

He brings them to the A.D.A.

And Kunikida scolds Oda cause “You were supposed to be looking for that bandaged idiot! Not going around taking in more kids!!”.

But Oda interrupts him and says, “I talked to Dazai.”

And everyone goes quiet for a minute. Cause if Oda spoke to Dazai and he still won’t come back, it’s over.

Dazai has defected from the Armed Dectetive Agency.

Oda spends his time training Atsushi and Akutagawa. They’re both young and a bit confused about what’s going on (“What the... I’M A TIGER?!” “Yes, Jinko, we know.”)

But they all get along quite well, so yay!

The trio grow up together, and they eventually become official members of the A.D.A. Gin is an assistant.

She, Naomi, and Haruno become friends. Gin is still closest to Atsushi though.

And that’s their [back]story.

But now... it’s time for Dazai’s!

So, Dazai & Oda went to school together. Dazai had a not-so-great home life, so moved away at 16.

He lived by himself for a month or two, living off weird part-time jobs. Due to his smarts, he managed to skip two grades. So he’s a freshman in college. I think.

And Oda is in his third year of college.

Dazai lived at the school dorms, cause he got a full-ride scholarship. Cause smart.

Dazai has known about his powers for a while. Some weird doctor guy went to him and tried to get him to join some mafia thing, but Oda advises him to not.

So he doesn’t. But he is interested.

Dazai & Oda end up in the A.D.A.

And Oda has a great time there. He likes the people. He has fun. It’s great.

But Dazai... nope. He hates it. He can’t suicide attempt without someone being there to stop him, he can’t wear bandages without being sent to Yosano to get a check up, he can’t even be gone for a day without being chased down by Kunikida or Oda, wondering where the he’ll he’s been.

Dazai is bored and sick of the A.D.A.

So he leaves.

After a huge argument with Oda, Dazai leaves. And Mori, predicting this would happen, appeared to say “I told you so.”

And so Dazai, at the young age of 16, is taken in by the Port Mafia.

And he’s pretty good at it too!

He loves playing mind games and doing interrogations and killing people who NEVER SEE IT COMING~ (sorry, wrong fandom-) and just being evil~

A couple months later, he’s on track to become a executive. He’s already a sub-executive under Kouyou.

But then, Fifteen (Well, it’s more like Sixteen...) happens

And Dazai meets the cutest redhead he’s ever seen in his life.

Also Dazai is a kinky man has a thing for gloves.

ALSO MOTORCYCLE & CHUUYA

So of course Dazai is in love intrigued by the tiny sixteen year old.

“What the f*ck I’m still growing!!”

“Sureeeeeee-”

“F*ck off.”

“So creative, Chuu~”

“I will torture you until you die from the pain and then I’ll burn you and chop up your ashes and scatter them in the sea so that there’s no way you can come back.”

“Oh. Sounds like fun!! I mean, excluding the pain part, I’d love to die with you~”

“...why are you like this?”

Since Mori is a sadist and Dazai, a masochist, Chuuya and Dazai become partners.

“Please NO.”

“Please yes~”

And they were roommates.

oH mY gOd thEy wEre rOommAteS

[cough cough] ANYWAYS

Chuuya and Dazai become partners. They murder people.

Dazai thinks it’s fun, and Chuuya can’t help but go along with Dazai’s shenanigans. Chuuya is very in love annoyed.

The two become a feared duo, but some who know them personally (Kouyou, Mori, & Hirotsu) know that they’re really just lovestruck teens.

It’s really cute.

And que the next backstory!

So. Chuuya’s backstory. I tried making up a new one for him, but I didn’t want to diverge too much from canon, so his is pretty much the same.

Now, the plot. Well, it’s more somewhat connected headcanons that plot, so... oof. The backstories all happened 10 years ago, so everyone is 10 years older than they were before.

Ages:

Atsushi- 18-19

Akutagawa- 21-22

Gin- 18-19

Dazai- 26-17

Chuuya- 26-27

Oda- 30-31

So. Atsushi is going grocery shopping, yeah?

And Chuuya is also grocery shopping, yeah?

And they bump into each other. And Atsushi doesn’t recognize him, but Chuuya remembers from one of Dazai’s drunk ramblings about trying to recruit some white tiger kid and a black coat?

Either way, Chuuya doesn’t really care. But he decides to tell Dazai once he’s home.

But only after he finished shopping for some fresh, non-canned crab.

But as he’s picking out a crab, the grocery store gets attacked by some ability users.

Oof.

And Chuuya doesn’t want to intervene (and risk his identity/secrecy to the public, who have limited knowledge of ability users).

But white-tiger Atsushi just goes flying towards one of the robbers.

And Chuuya knows.

So obviously, he tells Dazai. And Dazai, being Dazai, pretends he doesn’t remember.

Later, he goes to visit the A.D.A.

To see his ‘replacements’.

But he’s super chill about it.

And by ‘chill’, I mean smiley-evil. Like when he was talking to Mori during the A.D.A. & P.M. meeting (in canon).

Atsushi and Akutagawa are a mix of confused and worried.

And Akutagawa is lowkey wondering why the heck this random guy, who looks suspiciously familiar.

And ohhhh it’s that guy who tried to kidnap him a few years ago!

Wait. It’s the guy who tried to kidnap him a few years ago.

And Akutagawa takes Atsushi and they leave the A.D.A. building.

They end up on a we’re-denying-that-this-is-a-date-but-it-really-is.

But like they’re obviously lowkey dating, so yeah-

Like come on, Gin has been shipping this since she was like 9.

Also Dazai (after getting in a fight with with Oda, again oof), on his way home, he sees Atsushi & Akutagawa on the way back, and thinks of his boyf riend~~

And Dazai ships it SO HARD!!

But he first must go home to Chuu~

And that’s all I can think of right now. Also I really wanna get this posted cause it’s super late. I also gotta start the others. ;-;

HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!! ♥️

148 notes · View notes

izanyas · 6 years

Note

10 for shin soukoku please?

10. staring at the other’s lips, trying not to kiss them, before giving in

this kinda falls into Thread After Thread’s vague continuation

i am no longer taking prompts don’t send any please thanks

–

For a good few minutes after the virus had gone out of his bloodstream, Akutagawa didn’t feel any different. He was too used to sickness to mark individual symptoms apart; his asthma had been so bad as a child that he could hardly breathe, and it was still bad enough as an adult that brute physical exertion cost him like nothing else. It was a weakness he had to make up for in power. In the wake of the ability-virus’s disappearance, his best indicator that his body felt lighter was Nakajima’s own newly-flushed face.

He had gone very pale in the few minutes previous. Blue-lipped and and blue-veined. Akutagawa had been too weak to do more than watch him fall to the ground and writhe, as the tiger’s regenerative abilities struggled against that man’s gift.

“We should go,” Nakajima grunted eventually.

He was still laid onto the stone ground amidst fallen debris. His elbow shook when he pushed himself into a sitting position; he had to twist around to look at Akutagawa.

“Then go,” Akutagawa replied, meeting his eyes. “Your presence is not in any way required or wanted.”

“Can you even move?”

He couldn’t. “Rashoumon—”

“No,” Nakajima cut in. His breathing was loud, wheezing, and Akutagawa gathered that his ribs must still be broken; still he stood on his own feet and made his way closer, and Akutagawa couldn’t mask the hiss of pain he let out when Nakajima’s foot prodded his side. “God, you’re a mess.”

“You think I care what you—”

His words were interrupted by the bright and irresistible need to cough, burning in his throat and mouth and nose. The fit made the ache in his belly worsen, and soon Akutagawa was folded in two over the ground, unable to breathe in more than was needed to cough back.

He felt something touch his shoulder through the haze of pain, heard Nakajima’s faint voice, “Hey, oh, oh God, Akutagawa are you—”

“Shut up,” Akutagawa rasped out.

There was metal on his tongue, slick and warm. Akutagawa swallowed the blood down despite his nausea. He rubbed his tongue over his teeth until he was relatively sure that they wouldn’t be stained with it.

Then he stood up, pushing away Nakajima’s utterly unhelpful hands. The world only wavered around him for a few seconds.

“You don’t look good,” Nakajima said.

“Neither do you.”

“You…! You know what, whatever. Fine.” The boy sucked in an irritated breath—it still rang too loud in the silence of the cave, hollow, like the inside of a cathedral. “Walk on your own, you idiot.”

That was more familiar at least. Akutagawa could deal with Nakajima’s aggression easily, could deflect it and throw it back and walk away unscathed. He had no idea what to do with Nakajima’s sympathy.

He had no idea what to do with his own sympathy either. It seemed every time he blinked he could once again see the face Nakajima had made then—could hear him say, “He’s not dead,” about the man who created him. Wide-eyed, meek, stilled by age-old terror.

Akutagawa didn’t want to think about how easy it had been to let Rashoumon fit around the man-tiger’s body after that.

“I think my ribs’re okay now,” Nakajima muttered as they walked toward the exit. A glance toward him told Akutagawa that he was, indeed, poking them with his fingers.

“I can hear your broken bones,” he replied dryly.

“That’s just me being afraid to breathe right, though. See—” he inhaled loudly, theatrically, holding the air in for a long second before releasing it. His grin was bright despite the blood and dust sticking to his face. “All good.”

“I’m not interested in hearing you gloat,” Akutagawa said between his teeth.

“I wish there was a way I could transfer it to other people,” Nakajima mused, ignoring him entirely. “Like when you used Rashoumon with me earlier. That was pretty cool. I could heal you up in no time.”

It gave Akutagawa pause; his steps faltered, coming to a stop before he realized it. They were still far enough from the entrance that the only light around came out of the emergency lamps scattered along the tunnel.

“Why would you want to heal me?” he asked.

Nakajima met his eyes with confusion. “I just—it’d be practical, you know? If I could heal you. It’s a little unfair that I’m the only one who can.”

“Will you also try to heal me when I decide to beat you to death, man-tiger?”

“You’re not going to kill me.”

Fury shook through Akutagawa’s bones, then, stronger than the coughing earlier—stronger than Nakajima’s grief in his belly as they both sank through mud, gasping breath after breath.

“I will kill you,” Akutagawa said, voice closer to a growl than a whisper. He forced himself to cross the distance between them and grab Nakajima by the torn collar of his shirt. Nakajima’s hand wrapped itself around his wrist immediately, fingernails turned to claws but not sinking in yet. “And when I do, you will wish you had never spoken of healing me.”

“What’s wrong with you?” Nakajima spat out, irritated and—tired, Akutagawa though, some hint of desperate confusion making his shoulders slump. “We just fought together. We’re stronger together. I know you felt it too.”

Akutagawa didn’t need to ask him what it was.

“We’re not allies, man-tiger—”

“Call me by my name.”

“No,” Akutagawa said. “We are not partners.”

Akutagawa had seen true partners in the past. He had witnessed the depth of Double Black’s bond, the underlying current of trust between Dazai and Chuuya, one which had held true for years through fight and opposition. He had spent too long in the shadow of that connection not to understand that he could never obtain anything like it.

No matter that he had wanted it, for a second, seeing himself in the shadow of Nakajima’s fear.

Nakajima raised his chin defiantly, and Akutagawa couldn’t help but look at his mouth again. It was no longer deathly blue. No longer wet with blood.

“I do not need you to accomplish anything,” Akutagawa said, watching as Nakajima licked his lips, baring his sharp teeth for a single second. “I have never needed anyone.”

“Needing help from time to time isn’t a weakness.”

Akutagawa looked back at Nakajima’s eyes. They were striking even in the dark, entirely purple for lack of light to make them shine gold, but it didn’t matter; Akutagawa knew that they did.

He didn’t move as Nakajim’s other hand, fully human, came to rest on his shoulder.

“Why are you so upset that someone wants to heal you?” Nakajima asked quietly.

It was so very easy to imagine it. Akutagawa could almost feel the headiness that came with being painless after too long nursing wounds. He could imagine Nakajima finding a way to transfer the tiger’s regeneration to him, healing him after every fight, after every training. He could imagine never again being made to walk home on broken legs.

Nakajima’s hand tightened around his collar, mirroring Akutagawa’s hold on his. His eyes weren’t looking at Akutagawa’s anymore.

This was, also, easy to picture.

No, Akutagawa thought. It was barely loud enough to be heard by himself.

“I don’t want that beast anywhere near me,” he said.

“You’re lying,” Nakajima accused, winded.

“I don’t lie.”

“Right.”

Akutagawa clenched his teeth. “I hate you,” he said, tugging Nakajima closer harshly, regardless of the fact that he sounded as if he were trying to convince himself of it.

Nakajima looked up from infinitely reachable distance, his eyes dark and his mouth curved softly. “Right,” he repeated.

He inched closer tentatively nose-to-nose then lips-to-lips, not quite touching. Akutagawa felt him withhold his breath and steady his grip, and it wasn’t surprise that kept him from moving away.

He closed his eyes and leaned down.

Nakajima wasn’t smiling anymore. If anything he seemed stone-still under Akutagawa’s touch, his lips stripped of all bravado to make way for what he guessed to be inexperience. His hand was bare on Akutagawa’s neck, though, letting go of cloth to press directly onto skin; and when Akutagawa grabbed his hair to place him better, to fit their mouths together more firmly, all Nakajima did was hum in appreciation.

He was strikingly shy at this. Akutagawa had only one other person to compare him with, and he had known that they would be nothing alike—Chuuya was assured in everything he did, confident to a fault, broader than life itself. His kiss had been nothing more than a gift, a thank you. He was not someone Akutagawa had ever hoped to keep for himself.

This, though, he thought dazedly; Nakajima’s want-laced anger, his thirst for belonging, his attempts at companionship that were harder and harder to resist; the hitch in his breathing, the heat of his flushed skin in direct contact with his own; this, Akutagawa could claim as his.

He hadn’t wanted something so strongly before. Not while fearing it so much.

Nakajima pulled away first, his gasp dying over Akutagawa’s lips, and if he had been pale with sickness earlier now he was crimson from ears to neck. His skin would be fever-hot if Akutagawa were to touch it again.

He didn’t.

“Let’s go,” he said. Every beat of his heart was painful against his bruised ribs.

“Akutagawa—”

“Not now, Nakajima.”

It was enough to shock him back into silence. Akutagawa turned away from him, only slightly regretting the warmth of his body once the tunnel’s cold air surrounded him again.

A name was a small price to pay for the peace necessary to cut his yearning in the making. It didn’t matter that his lips stung at the sound of it, damp as they were from Nakajima’s own.

#bsd #shin soukoku #akuatsu #akutagawa ryuunosuke #nakajima atsushi #answered #anon #tumblr fic #fic: thread after thread

100 notes · View notes