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luvfy0dor · 2 months

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“He's Got So Much in His Heart, But He Doesn't Know What to Do ♡⁠˖” BSD Men x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

╰┈➤ Chuuya Nakahara, Dazai Osamu, Sigma

Warnings; barely proofread, maybe ooc

Description; BSD Men confessing to you

A/n; I promise I'm working on reqs! I think after I do two more I'm gonna open requests again ^^

⑅Chuuya Nakahara⑅

• Chuuyas palms get sweaty when he does confess to you- you've been a long time port mafia member and have been well acquainted for years, but he still gets all nervous. He asks around for your favorite snacks or chocolates and flowers. If you don't like flowers, he'll replace it with something else, but for the sake of the story, we'll use flowers.

ೃ⁀➷

Chuuya eyed the flowers sitting on his desk from time to time. He has been stirring with his own feelings for too long and decided he would just admit everything to you today- how he felt his face heat up when you praised his work and the way his heart thumped in his chest when you smile at him in the hallways. He rubbed his face with his hands and groaned, contemplating all the outcomes of his situation. You could say you felt the same and agree to go on a date with him, or you could turn him down politely. He didn't think a rude rejection was a possibility from you, even if you're not the nicest person, he just couldn't imagine you being mean to him. Or maybe he just didn't want to imagine it.

He let out one final sigh before standing up from his desk and grabbing the flowers. The bouquet of roses was held together in red cellophane wrap and crinkled in his grasp. It was about time for him to leave for the day, and he knew you got out at the same time and didn't like to hang around, so he hurriedly headed to your office. His hair bounced on one of his shoulder while he walked and his hands sweat nervously under his gloves. He took a deep breath and headed to round a corner, but instead ran face first into you, making the both of you stumble backwards. "Jeez, Chuuya, you're fine, right?" You ask, regaining your balance and scanning over his appearance and seeing the roses. "Oh..! Who are the roses for?" You ask, feeling a little bit of jealousy form in the depths of your chest. It took a while for you to admit to yourself that you liked Chuuya because of your co-worker status, and now that you did you couldn't help but with for a good portion of his attention.

"Uh- yeah, no, I'm fine. You're okay too, that's good. They're, uhm, they're for-" He mutters, trying to stall a little to buy time to get his heart out of his throat. He just sighs and runs a hand through his bangs and holds out the flowers to you. "They're for you." He averts his eyes and visually becomes more red. Your eyes widen. "Chuuya, you don't have to give them to me because I asked, if they're for somebody else then go bring them to that person." You say with a small but slightly bitter laugh, not that he could tell because he was too busy worrying over whether or not this was your form of rejection. "No, they're really for you. They've been for you since I bought 'em." He tells you, holding them out towards you insistently. You feel your heart rate pick up and your breath hitches. "Chuuya.." you whisper his name and it's like music to his ears.

"Y/n, I would really like to take you on a date if you'd let me. I really like you, you're nothing less than enchanting to me." He says dead seriously, shoving the flowers towards you again. You take them and can't help but flash your teeth in a smile. "Yeah, I'd love to go on a date with you too. Let me give you my number so you can text me about it, can I just put it in your phone?" You ask, holding out your hand. He nod and fishes his phone out of one of his pockets. He opens the contacts app and creates a new one before giving it to you to add your phone number. You do so with a smile and hand it back to him. You can see him smile while looking down at his phone, and when he looks back up, you press a kiss to his cheek. "Thank you, Chuuya, I really appreciate the flowers and your confession. I have to head home and make dinner, so text me, okay?" You grab his hand and give it a quick squeeze. He nods. "Yeah, you got it." The prideful grin on his face doesn't fade as he walks back to his office. He felt like a kid on Christmas after receiving their number one item on the wishlist, and his #1 item happened to be the chance to get to know you better.

⑅Dazai Osamu⑅

• Dazai is very confident. He'll let you know when he likes you, and you can tell it's different from his usual flirting.

ೃ⁀➷

You work alongside Dazai at the ada and the both of you decided to take half of a day off to wander the city. You didn't really have a specific location in mind and just went wherever your feet took you. You ended up walking into a cafe with Dazai holding the door open for you. "Wow, isn't this nice! You know what else is nice?" He asks you with a smile on his face. You raise an eyebrow. "What else is nice?" He places his hands on his hips while the two of you wait in line. "When you partake in kindness. Kindness such as paying for my food." You scoff. "No." His shoulders slump a little bit he pulls out his wallet and counts up the money he has. He opts to buy himself a muffin and watches you think about which smoothie you want. You decide on strawberry and tell the man at the counter your choice. Dazai asks for a muffin to go along with it and you furrow your eyebrows. "I thought we were paying separate?" He shrugs and sits through his wallet again. "You can pay me back later." A little impressed by the usually out of character gesture, you smile and thank him.

You receive your smoothie and he gets his muffin, walking out of the cafe together. His mind fills with thoughts of holding your hand while walking down the street together and he hums at the meer idea of it. It would feel so right. "Where should we go now?" You ask, sipping on your drink. "In this instance, I'd say anywhere we could find a beautiful woman to end my life with, but who needs some random woman when I have you?" He says, a cheeky grin plastered on his face. Your cheeks heat up and you playfully swat at his shoulder. "What's that supposed to mean?" You say, a smile creeping into your face as well.

"Oh, nothing bad." He says. "I always want to die, but I wouldn't mind living in the moment with you right now." He says, looking straight ahead. "You know I like you, right?" He asks, turning his head towards you to see your stunned face. You stammer over your words but quickly blurt out an answer. "I-I mean, I had my suspicions but...I didn't wanna pin anything on you." You averted your eyes. You had been too wrapped up in your own feelings for him and subsiding them to realize that they were reciprocated this whole time. "You didn't." He says, his tone teasing and knowing. You roll your eyes. "I didn't have time to think about it." You say, grabbing his free hand in yours. "But I like you, too." He smiled and leaned over to bump his forehead against yours. "Good." You let out a breathy laugh and squeeze his hand before leaning your head on his shoulder. "Yeah..very good."

⑅Sigma⑅

• Sigma doesn't know how to deal with his feelings towards you. He knows it's more than friendship, but he's scared to lable it as romantic love.

ೃ⁀➷

Sigma was one of your closest friends, and one night you were able to tear him away from his work to hang out. You were in the middle of braiding his hair and sharing random stories in your life, specifically one about an elementary school crush, when he got quiet. Your fingers paused their movements and rested on his shoulders instead. "You alright? You got all silent all of a sudden." You ask him, rubbing circles into his shoulder with your thumb. "Yeah. Uh, when you were younger, how did you know if you liked someone? Especially so young. It feels so complex." You hum in thought and return to braiding. "Well, it's real rare that you find true love so young. Even in highschool, if you stay together with someone past graduation it's pretty impressive. But I don't think there's one set way of knowing...you could say there's a lot of things that factor into it. Like wanting to be around someone more, giving your all for them, things like that." You say, pulling some hair from the top layer back.

He nods in understanding. "Oh. That makes sense." You hum in the affirmative and tie the braid together with a hair tie and crawl to face his front. "Or like...your heart might speed up, your body might heat up, stuff like that. Sweaty palms, etcetera, etcetera." You say with a smile, sitting cross legged. He stares into your eyes, his eyes full of color and his lips are drawn into a tight line. "My- uhm, my heart is definetly speeding up." He stammers, his hands holding onto his ankles. You raise an eyebrow and examine his appearance; he was blushing. "Are you thinking about someone in particular?" You ask, feeling your heart pick up. You couldn't help but hope that his next response would be your name. "Yeah." Was all that he whispered as he switched from sitting costs legged to on his knees. "Is it weird when people confess to you? You must get confessions a lot, don't you?" He asks, his fingers anxiously rubbing the fabric of his pajama pants- the pajama pants that matched yours.

You leaned back on your arms. "Not particularly, but no, I don't think it's weird at all." You tell him. "So can I?" Your heart drops, even though you felt like the previous conversation was foreshadowing his confession. You nod and sit up, your full attention on the pale man. "Okay. I want to be in a relationship with you. I've never been in one before, so you'll have to bare with me, but I want nothing more than to be with you if you'll let me. You make me feel...at home." He says, his body closer to yours now as he hesitantly grabs your hand. Your heart felt touched and held in his hand because of his honest and sincere words and for a moment, you thought you were dreaming. You squeezed his hand caressed his knuckles your thumb. "You make me feel the same way..wow, you're gonna make me overheat.." You say, averting your eyes. He worriedly let's go of your hand and backs up.

"Are you alright? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fluster you." He says, a small frown on his face. You chuckle and take his hand back. "Don't worry about it, it's fine." You reassure him, interlocking your fingers with his and bringing his hand to your lips to kiss his knuckles. He does the same to your knuckles, gazing up at you through his light colored eyelashes. Once his lips parted from your skin, he stared at the glistening skin. "This is all so new, but I want to get used to it for you." He says. You giddily smile and reach out to cup his cheek and push some hair behind his ear. "Me too, Sigma."

A/n; hi guys so basically I think I'm gonna do a q&a and try to get to know y'all a little more and make some writer friends because I wanna get more in touch with the writing community ^^

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soupthatistohot · 9 months

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BSD 109 Spoilers!!!

I will always always ALWAYS come back to this panel when talking about Asagiri’s storytelling.

At its very core, BSD is an absurdist text, Kafka Asagiri having been inspired by many absurdist authors. Franz Kafka, who he took his pseudonym from is one of them. Albert Camus, basically the most well-known absurdist is referenced with the Mersault prison, the name of which comes from a character in his most famous absurdist work, The Stranger.

Absurdism is the belief that the world around us is irrational and inherently absurd and that explicitly seeking meaning is pointless. In his essay The Myth of Sisyphus, Camus explains, that there is value in the act of rebellion, though. Sisyphus, who has been doomed to roll a boulder up a mountain only for the boulder to tumble back down each time he reaches the peak, finds meaning in the act of continuing to push the boulder. Even though he will continue this cycle for all of eternity, he doesn’t just lay down and give up, he rebels against the absurdity of his situation by continuing to push the boulder, despite the seemingly futile nature of the act.

As I said earlier, BSD is an absurdist text. All of the animanga’s main characters are on a journey of discovering their meaning in life, and their place in the world, and they do this by rebelling against its absurdity — especially Dazai.

Dazai sees the absurd world for what it is, and when he was in the PM, he hated it. Thus, he sought suicide as a solution. I will note here that absurdists generally view suicide as a failure to rebel against the absurd, just giving up and giving into hopelessness. But ever since Dazai left the PM and took Oda’s advice, he’s been rebelling against this, doing good despite his inherent beliefs about morality and the world, and he’s absolutely gotten better for it.

Other characters embody this idea of rebelling against the absurd, hell, that’s kinda what this whole arc is about. The world is literally ending, and things seem to be at their absolute worst, but someone like Atsushi still has hope that he can change the minds of the hunting dogs and save reality as we know it. He even has hope that he can get through to a vampiric Akutagawa when the guy is literally brainwashed and attacking him. Aya as the “last hope” right now embodies this, too, deciding that she can’t just sit around and do nothing and then trying to remove the sword from Bram even though the effort appears futile.

But everything is going wrong right now. Fukuzawa is bleeding out, Dazai has just been shot through the forehead and appears to have died, Atsushi’s had his limbs ripped off and is at Akutagawa’s mercy, and Fukuchi is literally going to end the world! How can we have hope?!

Think about BSD. Think about the story that’s been told so far. Surely Asagiri isn’t killing everyone right now, surely the world isn’t gonna actually end. I’m not entirely convinced Aya’s plan is gonna work— but please consider that the point of absurdist storytelling is that even when everything seems to be at its worst, even when life seems completely meaningless, there is inherent meaning in still continuing to fight against this.

BSD has never been a story where the villains win, and I don’t think it’s gonna start being one. I think, as usual, Asagiri wants to scare us, to make us feel hopeless about the situation, only for someone to pull through and completely turn the tides.

Dazai laying down and accepting his death at Chuuya’s hands is not going to be the end of his story, because it goes against everything Asagiri seems to stand for. Dazai wouldn’t just give up in his fight against Fyodor, because he needs to prove he’s right about what he says in this panel:

"The ones who actually make the world turn are those who scream within the storm of uncertainty and run with flowing blood."

I think this reflects Asagiri's own beliefs and is also the reason why he is not going to let Dazai die like this, because in a way, that would be proving that Fyodor is right. From a storytelling perspective, it’d be saying “everything I’ve communicated up to this point actually means nothing and life is truly hopeless!”

Dazai has cheated death before, as has basically everyone else in danger right now. I promise you, something is going to happen and they’re all going to survive, because BSD is not trauma porn, for lack of a better term. It’s a story about how a group of people fight against the absurdity of their reality, even when everything seems completely and utterly hopeless.

There’s a lot of theories circulating about how things could work out, especially Dazai’s “death,” and I’m not here to repeat all of them, but I will say that a lot of them have credence, especially because Asagiri isn’t the type of author to make mistakes, every single detail has a distinct reason.

So even though I don't know how things are going to work out, I have full faith that they will, including Dazai's current situation. None of these characters are done just yet, they've got too much fight left in them to just give up.

[original twt thread]

#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd 109 #bsd spoilers #bsd manga spoilers #bsd meta #kafka asagiri #asagiri kafka #soup rants #being a hashtag camus girlie has its merits!!!#bsd absurdism analysis

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mncxbe · 9 months

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How do u think the bsd guys would help out if they had a daughter who started her first period?

Omg this is so sweet I cannot. I assumed that the daughter didn't know much about periods so I hope it's ok. The characters were also randomly chosen so if y'all want me to add anyone else lmk. Enjoy♡♡

First period◇

𝒗𝒂𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒃𝒔𝒅 𝒙 𝒅𝒂𝒖𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒓!𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: good vibes/ silly/ fatherhood

°☆○

𝑫𝒂𝒛𝒂𝒊

let's start off with our favourite glazed donut

this man knows about periods and what to do when his daughter gets one

if his partner isn't at home, he definitely calms her down and teaches her how to use a pad

Dazai is a goofy dad, so he surely makes little comments and affectionately calls his daughter "little ketchup packet", but if she has cramps he will be serious about it

brings her painkillers and something warm to put on the tummy and then tucks her in

9.5/10 overall experience

𝑪𝒉𝒖𝒚𝒂

oh he knows what to do

still gets quite anxious when his daughter announces that she got her period

if she's really scared or stressed he tries to comfort her but ends up getting frustrated

Mr. fancy hat will teach his daughter how to use a tampon but he's not 100% sure he's doing the right thing

the two of them sit on the bathroom floor while Chuya's trying to read the prescription for painkillers (the text is too small and he gets angry cuz he cannot read properly sjsksksk)

surely opens a bottle of wine after the whole deal is done

8.6/10 experience

𝑨𝒕𝒔𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊

he panics a whole lot, more than his daughter even

immediately calls his partner and googles advice on how to deal with a first period

after two mental breakdowns he's ready to help: brings her sweets, buys her pads and they watch yt videos on how to properly use them

he's really gentle and does his best to reassure her and make her feel comfortable

8/10 experience

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂

let's be honest he knows about periods, after all he has a sister

but he has no idea how to take care of someone who just got their period

he just simply stands there with a blank expression on his face, lowkey trying to suppress his anxiety before calling his partner or sister to ask for advice

he does offer to make her tea and watch a movie with her

uses Rashomon to get the things she needs from different rooms so she doesn't have to move too much

overall a 7.8/10 cuz he doesn't really know how to comfort her

𝑶𝒅𝒂

he's so chill about it

having brought up a number of kids already, he knows how to deal with his daughter's first period

teaches her all she needs to know + extra self care tips

Oda would make her stay in bed all day if the cramps are painful; brew her tea and bring sweets

offers to read or tell her stories to distract her from the pain

10/10 experience

𝑲𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒌𝒊𝒅𝒂

this man loves his schedules; anything that's out of the ordinary makes him spiral

that's why when his daughter called him at work, saying that she just got her first period and doesn't know what to do, he kinda panics for a second

nonetheless he quickly makes his way home and does his best to comfort her

after that, he explains the whole situation and shows her how to put on a pad, what medicine to take and teaches her tips on how to deal with cramps

9/10 experience cuz he gets too anxious

𝑭𝒚𝒐𝒅𝒐𝒓

just like Akutagawa, he doesn't really know how to deal with periods

he probably gives his daughter a nasty look at first like why does she expect him to help?

but still he explains the whole biology of it and reassures her that it's a normal phenomenon

makes her tea and, if she has cramps, attempts to take her mind off of the sharp pain, but ends up mentioning blood rituals that Russians used to practice💀

7.6/10 experience (bonus points if he asks his partner for advice)

𝑻𝒆𝒄𝒄𝒉𝒐𝒖

he is utterly dumbfounded

asks his wife for advice; goes to buy her pads if there aren't any at home

he's lowkey proud that his daughter is growing up so fast

if she mentions cramps he surely prepares her a strange concoction that he swears will help ease the pain (it doesn't)

8.6/10 experience; he's really sweet and caring

𝑭𝒖𝒌𝒖𝒛𝒂𝒘𝒂

he reacts so well

buys her those silly books about puberty, y'all know what I'm talking about

I'm pretty sure that Fukuzawa would own cat if he were to settle down, so he gently places it on his daughter's abdomen if she has cramps

"Oh, I heard that the frequency of a cat's purr has healing properties. I thought that maybe it could help you."

really gentle and caring; brews her tea or coffee, whatever she needs

also cancels his plans for the day and stays at home in order to make sure she's alright

10/10 experience

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whathorselegs · 2 months

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Just realised that nearly all my Fyodor posts are about him losing at at Meursault. Asdfgh, I really am beating a dead horse. It's not intended as character hate in any way.

Like, I fully believe Fyodor lost at Meursault, but I am also a Fyodor will come back truther.

Crime and Punishment is a story of resurrection. Raskolnikov experiences a spiritual death and rebirth by the end of the book. Lazarus is directly referenced in the text.

The theme of rebirth also follows Fyodor throughout BSD:

Fitzgerald wanted to use the book to revive his daughter and Fyodor was the one who pointed him towards it.

Both Ivan and Nikolai talk about how they were essentially reborn through meeting Fyodor and given new purpose.

His whole thing with Shibusawa in Dead Apple

In his final moments Fyodor quotes Jesus beseeching God for answers about his death, directly comparing himself to the son of God. Only where Jesus wept, Fyodor smiles, because Fyodor already knows Jesus' story ends in resurrection and he expects the same.

I want him to come back, and I want him irrevocably changed by it.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd #bsd fyodor #rambling #bsd headcanons #bsd spoilers

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ma3mae · 1 year

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No one likes syringes!

Summary : You gotta take your weekly syringe but you're afraid of needles so how can these mfs (Dazai, Kunikida, Atsushi, Aku, Chuuya) convince you to take it 🤷

Genre : bit cracky and fluff, prob lots of teasing bc u know who tf im talking about 💀

Warnings : heartattacks bc we all simp too hard for these men 🛐 maybe a bit of suggestive themes at the end

A/N : managed to inject myself for the first time (aint no drugs, need them bc HEALTH) and bro, my hands r still shaky bc fear 😭 how do ppl do this so easily 💀 also the syringe is like a pen (also for this story) but broo its still scary and i need some bsd character comforting me 😩✋✋

Dazai Osamu

Lets say yall live together and hes at work while u r home alone

cant bring yourself to do it alone bc bro syringes are scary (even if its just a pen bc NEEDLES BRO) 😩😭

So you text him and ask what hes doing and tell him if hes got time to come home asap bc we r nearly crying at this point

hes gonna be SO ANNOYING like "i was just waiting for a text from you~ dont worry, your knight in shining armor will save you"

BROO he prob knew that you gotta take them today and also knew that nothing would be going on at the agency so he couldve stayed at home but nah 😭😭 (sadistic a** fr fr)

but hes still hurrying nonetheless bc hes not that MEAN -right???-

arrives at home and finds you on the couch holding the pen with shaky hands and his heart does feel a TAD bit guilty bc fr he couldve stayed at home and u would have gotten this shit over asap

gon be all like "dw im here now, okay? Lets just get this over with and then we'll cuddle, how about that?"

homegirl is about to cry at this point bc just FREE HER from this misery

sits next down to you and takes the pen from your hands

If you do wanna try it out yourself, he'll gently guide you through it

He knows how afraid you are and teasing would just make you sob instantly bc the pressure is already too much to deal with YEAH U BETTER STFU U TEASE !! jk still love him

will try to change your mind tho by sayinf stuff like "Really? ~ i mean its brave and good of you to try it yourself but I really love helping you, you know. Want to do everything for you, darling." he knows EXACTLY what hes doing to us by saying that

Is prob gonna give us that look and whisper in our ear and shi im sorry im too down bad for this man at this point 😩

if you dont wanna do it yourself then, he'll tell you to look at him while hes pressing the pen onto your thigh or stomach

You still cant keep your eyes off of it? Sry girl, theres only one solution

He'll just click his tounge at you while having that fking smirk on his face as he says "still too distracted, I see? Well seems like theres only one way to help you"

gives you a kiss on the lips and just deepens it while looking STRAIGHT into your eyes got my knees weak for him fr

you only feel a tiny sting and as soon as a "click" is heard, he'll break the kiss and just grins at you as if he didnt trick you lol

but who are you to complain, he sees that you liked it and will def comment on that

"see, love? Wasn't so hard after all. But you still did well. Proud of you as always"

pecks you on the lips again before setting the pen onto the table and wraps his arms around your waist bc NO WAY in hell is he gonna let go after that

"i think i deserve a reward for that~" "you said you were waiting for a text so you KNEW i had to do it today, right?" ".... welp, not gonna apologize on that 🤷🤷🤷"

u can understand why kunikida has to SIGH all the time as soon as dazai opens his mouth but oh well, you're too whipped to care about at this point

wont let you go so guess you'll have to reward him 💅 no ones complaining LOL

if you tell him to help you next time before hes gone for work, he'll def do it bc he loves u but poor kunikida gotta expect him arrive at work late more often bc he wont leave home without rewards 🛐

Kunikida Doppo

You already know that he got the exact day, hour, minute and SECOND written down on when you gotta take your pen

You tell him that the day is enough and that the time doesnt matter but NOO 😤 YOU WILL take it at the exact time

If its at ungodly hours like 3am or smth, bro he'll wake you up like no mercy for his schedule 😭

If u complain to him tho then dw he will rearrange it for u bc he may love to stick to his plans but he wont ignore your needs and stuff either get urself a man who takes care of u like that 😤😤

will prefer to do it before work, so if you're not an early bird then he'll wake u up but dw you'll get a forehead kiss and bro's already fully dressed n' stuff BUT waking up to him looking at you with such a loving gaze will make u forget that its 5-6am or smth 😩

will first let you get up in peace and make u some calming tea bc he knows what will come next ✋

"Y/N, I know you don't like it but you have to take your pen today, okay?"

if we start a tanthrum then he already knows about it like bro's prepared for everything!!

"Kuni, do we really ha-" "Yes." "But you know I dont li-" "Yes and yes. I know you hate it but don't worry, I've already written everything down on how to do it and what to be aware of so its okay to feel afraid but don't worry because I'm here. Nothing will happen and I've already bought your favorite snacks so you'll feel better but dont eat too much of it when I'm gone. "

u already know he spent a night or smth just researching everything about it as soon as you told him

prob even went to a library and once came back home with multiple books in his hands, hes THAT dedicated UGH I LOVE HIM 💕

you could just sob rn bc how did the earth bless you with this man KUNIKIDA I NEED U 😭😭😭

If the pen is kept in a fridge then dw he already put that shit out for it to not be cold anymore (prob counted the minutes and seconds LOL)

he'll sit you down on the bed or couch, disinfect the place on where you'll take it (lol that sounds WRONG) and he'll give you a peck on your forehead before asking if you're alright and ready to go through with it bc no way in hell is he gonna do it while you're too shaken up for it

If you wanna try to do it alone then he'll take your hand into his as you're grabbing the pen, slowly guiding it while praising you for how brave you are for trying this and that hes proud of you IM SOBBING

will also tell you to look at him if you get more afraid by seeing it on your skin

Honestly even if you dont wanna do it yourself, he'll make sure to be there and will praise you every time you get through with it bc you KNOW he means it

Honestly makes you tear up everytime and u just wanna kiss this man fr

you thank him and tell him how glad you are to have him, he'll be smitten even more than he already is

Cup his face with your hands and kiss him bro's gonna find it really difficult to not stay at home and just be in your arms

at the end of the day, his love for you exceeds his ideals so he wouldnt mind arriving at work some minutes later if he gets to have you in his arms for a bit longer

Will arrive at work with such a good mood that hes prob gonna freak dazai out with it especially when he overlooks some dumb remarks from him the power of love YALL but who can blame him, his heart is thumping louder than dazai's rambling LOL

maybe yall will continue when hes back home, who knows 🛐🛐🛐🛐🛐

Nakajima Atsushi

when you told him about the pen for the first time, he was literally thrown off like "wait, so you have to.... stab yourself regularly with that?????"

hes just SO precious bc his heart's squeezing at you asking him if he could help u bc you just feel so comfortable and just knowing that makes him SWOON

But at the same time hes panicking bc HOW CAN HE DO THAT WITHOUT HURTING U

Ngl hes prob also afraid of needles and stuff 😭 is gonna look at u like the pic above LOL

will ask yosano or even recommend that she should do it but you're like "NO!! im sorry, tsushi but im too scared of her and i feel safe with u :(((("

you got him WHIPPED and DEDICATED bc he'll def research that shit through and through

Will ask his coworkers (prob kunikida) how to best handle the situation

has everything ready but will stumble and be kinda hastily about it at first bc hes prob even more nervous than you are 💀

either it implifies your fear more or its just so ridiculous that you're legit like "ily but im not gonna die or smth 🤨🤨🤨" you cant blame him tho 😤

hes gonna be all like "OKAY OKAY, we got this. No, I GOT this s-so no worries, okay?" bro, BREATHE. Hes just about to pass out at this point jk jk

if you decide to try it out alone, he'll be a bit saddened bc does this mean you dont want him to help you after all?? :(( was he not good enough of a choice to be of help :((( TSUSHI STFU ILY

dw just reassure him that you obviously appreciate his help and still need him to be there bc no way in hell can u do it alone without ur hubby

will tell you everything he had learned about the pen and how to use it with a bit of a tremble in his voice but he pulls through with it!!

You manage to do it and BOY get ready for a rant on how proud of you he is

will want to pamper you with kisses on ur face "tsushi, i know that look. Go ahead and do it, dont hold back" "really, y/n!!?" "😩 bro do it ok" will try to hold back with gluing himself onto you but how can he NOT

If u dont wanna do it urself then it will prob go like this:

its time for yk what and he sees the genuine fear in your eyes but dw he got you

hes prob gon be like "my s/o need me rn and i have to help them!!!" hes actually gonna remember everythinf he looked up and prob memorized for you bc hes AN ANGEL will put his forehead against yours and tell you to look at him "i wont let anything hurt you and happen to you. You're afraid and honestly im afraid too but you and i will get through this, okay?" gives you the most lovestruck smile ever before he looks down and counts to three

"breathe in, y/n. It will be okay" he ignores his slightly trembling hands and at the count of three inserts it. GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE GUTTER📸📸📸

as soon as yall hear a click, he quietly counts to three before pulling it out and BROO the relief is refreshing af

"WE DID IT, Y/N!!!" Is hella giddy bc how can he not be proud of the both of you!!!! You did it!!! will honestly pull you in a hug bc hes just so happy

prob gonna realise that he just did it without asking u and will be sheepish all like "o-oh sorry, i just got too excited" "no tsushi. We should be happy about this so dont let go!!" no need to say it twice bc hes gonna wrap his arms even tighter around you and nuzzle his face into the crook of your neck ILL GIVE U A KISS TSUSHI 🛐🛐

will he feel bad for arriving at work a bit later? Maybe but a scolding from kunikida wont hold him back from holding you for a tad bit longer

He'll be a bit less nervous for the next times and it will surely decrease with each time bc practice yk but will obviously still hold you until he made sure that you're feeling okay afterwards

Akutagawa Ryuunosuke

Bro's nearly flabbergasted bc why are you making such a FUSS 🤨🤨 im sry dont sue me

"Calm down, you idiot. It's only a pen. You dont even SEE the needle."

dont ask him why hes staying with you if its JUST a needle then bc bro will prob just straight up get up and leave if you point it out 💀

will prob be the first to not even suggest but just TELL you to do it yourself aku im hurting over here 😩

will prob make an effort in atleast roughly skimming through a website about it prob smth weird like wikihow LMAO

If he does see you how afraid you really are of it, hes rly trying his best to ignore the small ache its giving his heart bc he takes no pleasure in witnessing u be so afraid✋ its still JUST a pen in his eyes at the end of the day lol

will just sigh and snatch that shit from your hands bc he cant bear to see you like this any longer are we looking that pitiful, probably LOL

But he'll be surprisingly soft with his touch, nearly just ghosting you with his hands is that even a term, nvm yall know what i mean

Hes just gonna be straightforward with it bc the faster its over the better. He wont admit that he just wants to help but cant convey it bc what even are feelings 🤷

He'll tilt your chin towards him and just say "Look at me, Y/N. Stop overthinking it. You won't get hurt from this stupid thing, okay? If smth does happen, I'll just destroy the factory thats making this."

You dont know if hes joking to lighten the mood or if hes serious bc its aku

But hes prob joking

anyway hes gonna ask you like smth rly random like "What do you wanna eat later" which will confuse you but you'll answer nonetheless bc hey hes initiating a convo!!

as you start to talk and he notices you're relaxed enough for him, welp yk whats happening

Actually makes you wince a bit bc it just caught you off guard

"Ryuu, what the f-?!" "Just bear with it." ok we have been silenced 🛐

yall hear the click of relief, he counts in his mind to three and quickly pulls that shit out

you're slightly trembling from relief from finally getting it over you and bro just clicks his tounge like "You're such a fool. Cant believe something insignificant like that makes you nearly shit your pants."

you lowkey glare at him for that bc BRO needles r spooky 😭 but dw before you even open your mouth to tell him off, he'll look to the side and say "... You did good for holding that out though... but its still stupid."

just give him a peck on the cheek or smth bc this boy is prob craving some praise after having helped you like that

"Thank you, Ryuu. I couldnt have done this without you. You're the best boyfriend I could ever ask for"

Give him a tight hug, kiss and boom you got him around your finger

he'll take a second to wrap his arms around you and will just hide his face in the crook of ur neck like our other boy tsushi

"Of course, I'd help... I'll still blow up the factory for scaring you like that."

"NO!!" jk he wont if u tell him not to but hes just trying to say he doesnt like seeing u like that we know aku, dw 💕💕

if his coworkers ask why hes arriving a bit later at work, he'll just tell them to shut up and continue with their work

If you look closely you'll see his ears turn a bit pink as he keeps thinking of you and your words 💕💕😭

Nakahara Chuuya

Honestly its gonna be a mix of every reaction possible I think

Like if you tell him about the pen, hes first gonna feel a bit pressured like "O-Oh wait so you want ME to help with it??"

Like no offense hes obviously feeling pretty happy about that you are asking him for help especially for smth important as your health

But he knows hes not the most gentle person and does have his worries that he might accidentally hurt you or smth

wont ask anyone for advice bc its his love of his life can i be that pls that asked HIM so he'll do it at the end of the day!!

but if hes feeling rly unsure then he wont mind slipping a question about it when hes reporting to mori

which means being not subtle at all

"So was that all for today's report of the mission." "Yeah." "Then do you need something or why are you still standing there?" ".... *pulls out a picture of your pen* do you know how to use this?..."

you def know that chuuya's feeling so embarassed that hes asking his BOSS but its a sacrifice hes willing to pay

mori will have mercy on him and tell him what he should be careful of and summarise on how to use it

Will prob throw in a "good luck~" bc how can u not TEASE him

anyway our boy's done his research and now comes the hard part

"Okay, dont panic Y/N." "HOW CAN I NOT WHEN YOU'RE HOLDING IT LIKE YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME" "JUST DONT PANIC, FFS"

dw as soon as he sees you trembling, he'll be softer than a marshmallow

a chuuya one

"Oi, look at me. I'll make sure nothing's gonna happen to you, alright? Will just sting a bit and thats it. Will take care of you after this so you'll forget this ever happened."

HOW CAN U NOT SWOON AT HIM 😩😩

he'll even take off his gloves so you'll be more relaxed if you can feel his skin bro the gloves are giving off doctor vibes in this scenario, will make us panic more LOL

if you really cant keep your eyes off it then well....

"Damn it, love. Stop looking at it." will just press his lips onto you for a second before breaking it and inserting that shi*

"Ch-Chuuya!" "I know, i know. Dont worry, its gonna be over real soon."

And boom thr click is heard and yall are finally done

Honestly his shoulders are gonna relax instantly, boy was tensed up even more than you skskskks but who can blame him

"OMG chuuya we did it!!" "Yeah, you did it, doll." bro's gonna latch onto you again bc that kiss from earlier wasnt enough for the both of u 😩

is it riling yall up? Probably but welp you 're already either shirtless or pantless so only one clothing to pull off less work for yall

Mori's just gonna be like "I see, you managed to get through it" and chuuya just tiltd his fedora down so u cant see his face bc he REALLY wants to ignore that his boss knows whats been holding our boy up cant blame him 🤷🤷🤷

***************

Lol that was WAY too long but honestly this was so good to write 😩 now im just gonna be sad that none of them r here to do it irl but oh welp, will just read more stuff about them ✋💅

#atsushi x reader #chuuya x reader #dazai x reader #akutagawa x reader #kunikida x reader #bsd x reader #bsd dazai #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #bsd chuuya #bsd kunikida #bungou stray dogs x reader

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selfaware-bungou-stray-dogs · 6 months

Note

I got a good idea, what if the reader became aware that the bsd characters are self aware. So they stop reading and watching it, and playing the game because they think their hurting the characters.(this would happen before the bsd characters got into our world)

I am aware that you are aware

Self-Aware! BSD Characters x GN! Reader

Description: You liked BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan game. So many features, so many cards and story up to fourth season. You still baffled, that the game not that popular.

Why others think that your new cards is a fanart? Why people tell, that you can't get multiple SSR tickets from Marble Shining? Why The Internet tell, that game only describes two seasons and part of Dead Apple? And why people can have different nicknames in game, isn't it supposed to be your real name?

Warning: OOC. English is my second language.

🐾 You just wanted to show, how lucky your pulls were in current scouts "Casino - Rats in the house of the Dead" and "Casino - Decay of Angels"

🐾 You made a screenshot of 2821 Fyodor D. "Casino", 3711 Pushkin "Casino", 5243 N. Gogol "Casino" and 1638 Sigma "Casino"¹ and post it on BSD Mayoi Subreddit.

🐾 You got comments. Lots of comments, praising the fanart... Or asking, why did you post an April Fools' joke now, not on First of April?

🐾 Fanart? Joke? What do they mean? It wasn't a fanart, it's an official card! You clearly remember doing a daily free 11-scout! And getting them!

🐾 But, a tiny seed of doubt appears in your soul. Was it possible, that so many people didn't get the cards? Or... Didn't see the scout?

______

🐾 Next strange thing happened, when you Shine the Marble for Ranpo. For this week it was a Campaign "10 shines for one click". The Marble Turned prismatic, and you exchange it for SSR Scout Ticket. Well, for a few SSR Tickets. You got lucky again and win "Detective Chance". A familiar phrase appeared in a text box near Ranpo's chibi:

"Great Job, [Y/N]! You deserve a little bonus! Let's collect more cool marbles later!"

🐾 You smiled. It was cute.

🐾 Unfortunately, one of your fellow students saw everything you were doing.

🐾 And they blamed you for playing a hacked game.

🐾 You snarled at them. If they are playing BSD Mayoi and were unlucky with Marble Shining today, it's not your fault. You aren't cheating. Besides, they were looking on your phone screen without your permission. And what if you were texting some private information during that?

🐾 They spat at you, mumbling something about 'there is no marble campaign right now' and 'never they gave you five tickets for a marble'.

🐾 They were rude, yes. They were in the wrong by looking at your phone screen. But... They won't gain too anything by lying. Especially, to you. You also play BSD Mayoi, you could check.

🐾 Could you?

🐾 You didn't notice, that chibi Ranpo opened his eyes. And his look wasn't the friendliest.

🐾 The next day you learned, that yesterday's student got some serious private information leaked. Something about blackmail and stealing other students projects. They will face some trouble.

🐾 ... Quite an interesting coincidence...

_______

🐾 You don't know, what made you do it, but, when your grandma asked you to download an app, that will remind her taking her medication, you decide to look up BSD Mayoi Inu Kaikitan game in app store.

🐾 Different icon. Not yours. Different screens. And comments...

🐾 Asking, when third season will be added... For more Fyodor cards... For adding Gogol cards... Asking for a Dead Apple Scout rerun... That was up last time almost five years ago.

🐾 This comment was from two days ago. But, Dead Apple Scout was just one month ago! You got Dazai's, Fyodor's and Shibusawa's cards!

🐾 They were wrong! Or... You were wrong...? Or no one was wrong.

🐾 You download necessary apps for your grandma.

🐾 And start thinking.

_______

🐾 You spend two hours in the library, using the university's computer.

🐾 Search information about BSD Mayoi in any language you could think of.

🐾 Online translators might not be the most accurate, but they let you understand the main idea.

🐾 There was no more story in game outside The Dragon Head Conflict. And the situation didn't change for years.

🐾 Aya, Rimbaud, Flags, Adam, Verlaine, Karma, Katai, Oda's orphans, Pushkin, Goncharov, Oguri, Gogol, Sigma, Tetchou, Teruko, Fukuchi, Jounou and Bram didn't have any cards on any server. And Tachihara didn't have a Hunting Dogs version of his card.

🐾 Some Scouts didn't have a rerun for ages.

🐾 Marble Exchange can give you one SSR Ticket for Max Level Marble.

🐾 There were never Junchirou's menu with daily recipes. Or Katai's menu with tips for keeping your phone safe. Or Mori's with fashion tips.

🐾 Devs never gave away SSR Cards as present for Maintenance end.

🐾 Characters never send notes with gifts to Players, thanking them.

🐾 Players could choose any nicknames, not their real names.

🐾 Either you get a special version of an app... Or... Characters were... But, it's impossible, right?

🐾 Were there any way for you to prove it?

______

"I love BSD for using small Easter eggs for people, who liked literature. But, I wish, they would do it more often. For example, real-life Junchirou Tanizaki and Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald were friends! They even play shogi together. And in BSD Tanizaki and Francis are barely interacting with each other."

After you finish talking with your friend, Ango immediately rushed to get the camera, and Junchirou and Francis start to set a scene. Tomorrow you will get a card you want! Card, that reflects their other world counterparts.

[Next Day]

"Oh! SSR card with Fitzgerald and Junchirou playing shogi? And it's called "Old friends"? Good... So Devs knew about that... story..."

Your voice sounded... Off. And Little Light trembled for some reason.

"Story, that I made up two days ago to test my theory. You... All of you can hear me, right?"

BSD Cast feel, like they were struck by lightning. They wanted to make a surprise to you and reveal, that they are self-aware, only when they got into your world.... Well, doesn't matter, they could try to speak to you, now...

Why are you crying? Who have hurt you?

Your voice were pleading. You sobbed.

"I am sorry! I am sorry for not realizing it sooner! I am sorry for every hit you got, when marble hit spikes or poison, or when enemies hit you! I am sorry, for reading about your lives, for learning your secrets without permission! For... Making you relive your lives... And for... Hurting you... Killing you..."

At the end, you were hysterical. You were the reason for Rimbaud's, Flags', Oda's, his kids', Gide's and Shibusawa's death. You were the reason, they got hurt. You howl, remembering that time, Kunikida lost his arms.

"I am sorry! I am sorry! I am so sorry!"

BSD Cast were in distress. You misunderstood the situation! They weren't angry! They liked you and will never hate you!

But with next words their world shatter.

"I... I won't read about your lives anymore. Or watch about it... I... won't play the game anymore... I won't delete it, because I am not sure, if this won't hurt you... I am sorry!"

You close the app.

Little Light fall on a floor, sobbing.

_____

Few days later you got an email from yourself. And from them.

"Dear [Y/N],

Please, listen to us. You didn't hurt us in any way! We aren't angry, we promise! You... Your love and understanding let us through our darkest times. We were lost, confused, we didn't know who we are. But you, you were here. You treat us and our emotions like we were real for you.

Please, open the app... We add chat, we want to talk to you.

BSD cast"

You re-read the letter a few more times. Then again. And again.

After some thinking, you opened the app.

______

You were chatting for a long time. You asked about how they became self-aware, what were happening, when you read new chapters. You asked about deceased ones, whose cards you got (you have never been happier in your life, after learning, that they were alive. Because of you). You asked if they felt pain, when they loose HP in game.

And BSD Gang asked you about your life, your interest, if they can add something else in the app that you need.

And about wanting to get into your world. About wanting to live in reality. And be your friends.

You have a feeling, that it was a beginning of something unique.

______

🐾 You keep your decision about not watching and reading BSD. They weren't characters anymore. They were real people.

🐾 You also stopped cleaning Battle Stages in Mayoi. Instead, you were chatting with the gang.

🐾 Slowly but surely you learned more about each other.

🐾 So, when they finally appeared in your world, you greet them like old friends.

______

¹ Something interesting about numbers:

2821 - "The Gambler" by Dostoevsky was the author's 28th work. And it was written in 21 days, because Dostoevsky lost all money he had by gambling and need money as soon as possible.

3711 - In "The Queen of Spades" by Pushkin the winning combination in the card game were three, seven and ace (considered 11 in some games and in the novel)

5243 - "The Gamblers" play by Gogol was played on stage for the first time in 1843, on 5 of February.

1638 - Year, when the first Casino in Europe was open.

#self-awareau #self-awarebsd #bungou stray dogs au #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd anime #bsd x gender neutral reader #gender neutral reader

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exquisitesimp · 7 months

Text

Comforting Akutagawa during a mental breakdown

A/N: Hello to everyone reading this! I’m back at it again with Bungo Stray Dogs, more particularly the Port Mafia. In this story, the reader (F) is giving comfort and affection to her emotionally damaged boyfriend Akutagawa, after an unfortunate encounter with his old mentor figure (aku was my first love in bsd). Thank you so much for reading and interacting with my posts, it means so much to me! Stay healthy, eat well and drink plenty of water! - Sam

Tags: Bungo Stray Dogs, Akutagawa Ryunosuke, angst, reverse comfort, SFW

Warnings: mental breakdown, emotional and physical abuse, NSSI

Word Count: approx. 4.8k

It was one of these nights again; these difficult, heart-wrenching nights that constantly made you question the meaning of such a life, a life filled with pain and suffering. You’ve become a little too familiar with this feeling since you’ve experienced, well… a little too many nights like these.

“Remember what you’re doing all this for!” you exclaimed.

Except there was nobody there to listen, save for the librarian that was sick of having you be the last one to leave the library in the dark hours of the early morning for the fifth time this week. Talking to the void, maybe all that studying did drive you insane after all.

“You scared the life out of me, for the love of god!”, the lady gasped, jumping awake from the information desk. Poor her, she probably hated these nights even more than you did.

“I’m terribly sorry”, you said, chuckling in awful embarrassment.

She gave you a cold stare, which truthfully saddened you deep down, because you were under the false impression that you had bonded with the woman by now.

“Don’t look at me like that ma’am”, you said, “You know med school isn’t a piece of cake…”

“I know dear”, she responded with a certain sweetness in her voice and a tired sigh, “but isn’t it time to go home soon?”

You looked at the clock above the information desk. It read 2:45. A look of desperation channeled itself on your face as you were thinking about just how much more work you had ahead of you before you could allow yourself to go home and finally get some shuteye.

“Just one more unit, I promise!” you lied, knowing damn well that it was much, much more than that.

“Pfftt….Like we haven’t heard that before…” the librarian mumbled as she began moving around all sorts of books and paper sheets around the information desk.

Of all the times during the day she could get that taken care of, she had to do it right now? The noise she made was getting on your nerves and messed with your focus. However, you knew she was going to kick you out for sure if you dared complain about it. So you just decided to let it go, for your own good perhaps…

Resting your head which had grown quite heavy and dizzy on top of the open books, you sighed in exhaustion, waiting for the woman to stop messing with the papers and your concentration along with them. Wondering how the hell you were supposed to pass all these exams the following week, you were just sitting there, beating yourself up for always leaving things for the last possible moment. But not even a minute later, your phone, which was laying on the table, suddenly buzzed and stopped your overthinking.

It was a voice message from your boyfriend, a little smile subtly forming on your face upon seeing the notification. You’ve been together for almost a year, but the habit of smiling at his texts hasn't faded away whatsoever.

“Ma’am, can I pleeaase use my phone?”, you joked, since there was obviously nobody there to be disturbed by mobile phone usage… except for the poor lady of course. “It’s my sweetheart!”

A few moments of deadly silence followed. From the look on her face, you’d think she was finally done with your smart-ass idiocy.

“Eh, to hell with it…” she responded, having accepted — to your grand surprise — that she’d have you here for quite a while once again.

“God bless your patience! I shall treat you to a huge meal once these detestable exams are over!”, you proclaimed in comedic exaggeration, yet genuinely wanting to express your gratitude to her in some sort of way. With your late-night hypertension and your endearingly annoying sense of humor, you could imagine that having you study here all these days must have been quite a handful.

“Who said I wanted to have a meal with you?”, she shrugged and rolled her eyes.

Purposefully ignoring her rhetorical question with a smile on your face, you opened the message and placed your phone next to your head with the speaker facing your ear, the woman sighing at your shenanigan in the background.

“Hey, Y/N…”

You didn’t expect to hear Gin’s voice.

“Listen… I found my brother’s phone in a dark alley on the ground, and it’s all cracked up now, and I’m not quite sure what happened... He was still supposed to be here, but I assume there was some big trouble and he had to flee. Problem is— TACHIHARA CAN YOU JUST SHUT THE F— sorry about that… problem is I contacted our headquarters and he’s not there”

Your eyes opened wide as the message kept on playing. Two opposing forces fighting in your brain; one worrying that something terrible has happened to him, the other trying to remain cool-headed since you didn’t know any crucial details about the situation.

“My guess would be that he’s at your place. I know you have a lot of work to do in the library, but please check if everything’s okay with him. Gotta go, the Armed Detective Agency is just around the corner”

You heard the words “Armed Detective Agency” and you instantly knew what this was about.

“Oh fuck” you said out loud and stood up from your desk as if struck by some invisible thunder.

“What is it this time?”, the librarian desperately asked.

“It’s your lucky day”, you replied, packing up your bag in quick, messy movements, “I’ve got to go right now”

“Good grace”, she mumbled as she started switching off the lights to finally close the place down for the night.

“Thanks for everything!”, you shouted hurriedly, storming out of the university library and rushing to the parking lot.

You jumped in your car and immediately started the engine. You already knew by now that no encounter with the Agency could possibly be any good for Akutagawa. And this time, you had a strong feeling that something was very, very wrong.

In less than half the time it would usually take, you sloppily drove back to your apartment, very lucky that you hadn’t crushed the car onto anything on the way there. Running with light steps and pushing through your own fatigue, you finally reached the door and knocked on it.

“Sweetie?”, you called out softly.

There was complete silence on the other side, a type of silence that grew an unshakeable fear within you. After taking a deep breath, you reached for the keys in the pocket of your jacket and slowly opened the door.

You took a good look at the living room before entering, and everything was exactly the way you left it, including the little lamp you always kept switched on even when nobody was home. From where you were standing, nothing seemed wrong with the kitchen either. At first glance it all looked perfectly normal, but there was something very intuitively suspicious about this quietness that consumed the entire place.

Due to your intensive studying at the library the past few days, you ended up coming home at times like these almost every day, and you found the emptiness to be serene, and even comforting in its own way. But now it was frantically maddening, as if you’d be crazy to assume someone else was here, but equally as insane to think that you were totally alone.

You gulped as you took a few steps in and closed the door behind you, cold shivers running down your body. Only while taking off your own shoes did you look down to check if his were there, and much to your relief, they were just beside the door. You immediately felt a weight fall off your shoulders, knowing now that nobody had broken in or that you weren’t… imagining things.

You quietly made your way right in front of the shut door of your bedroom, and since you already passed by the empty bathroom, you knew that was the only place where he could possibly be. Just by standing there you felt a dark chilly aura strike you down to the bone.

Knowing about his occupation and even his abusive past, you were already aware that Akutagawa was very much capable of becoming violent. But this wasn’t the first time he went through a crisis like this with you, so you had faith that if you stood there for him once again, it would all work out, just like the previous times.

You plucked up all the courage you had inside you and knocked on the door.

“Sweetie?”, you repeated. “Are you alright?”

Once again, no answer. At this point you started getting worried. That was the only place he could be, right? Then why was he not responding?

Making the tiniest amount of sound possible, you pushed the door open ever so slightly to peek through the crack, and that’s when you saw something you’ve never witnessed before.

Although the light switch was on, the room was pitch black with only a few strands of light somehow making their way through. Sinister branches of darkness were spread all over, some intertwined with one another in an infernal veil, and others ruthlessly piercing the entirety of the space like enormous, sharp blades.

You were completely astounded. You had no idea that Rashoumon could take on such a petrifying form.

Before you could even begin to grasp the density and the complexity of what your eyes just viewed, the door was somehow explosively shut inches away from your face, causing you to gasp at the thunderous noise.

“HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT THE DOOR?”, Akutagawa yelled, his strung out voice echoing within his ability’s construction.

“I’m sorry sweetie”, you responded peacefully, “I just wanted to check if you’re okay…”

“What does this look like to you?” he asked sarcastically, while Rashoumon locked the door from the inside, eliminating any possibility that he’d just let you in that easily.

“What I meant is, are you physically okay? Did you get hurt?”, you asked, trying to maintain your calm composure.

“I’m intact”, he answered as if even such a small question was so immensely bothersome to him at that moment, “now LEAVE. ME. ALONE!”

“How am I supposed to leave you alone in a state like this?”

He didn’t respond, but it’s not like you expected him to. Hurt and afraid, he always hid inside his hard shell at times like this, and it took a lot of strength and effort to get him to open up to you. You took a big breath, because the difficult part was just starting.

“Your sister found your phone somewhere in the city and contacted me…”, you began.

“I don’t wanna talk about this…” he growled as rage kept building up within him.

“I know it’s difficult to talk right no—“

“THEN CUT IT OUT”, he screamed with a trembling voice and paused for a second, “before I break the door…”

“You don’t have to talk about it right now, but please just listen”.

You paused for a while to see what his reaction would be. Although he was once again mute, you were quite happy that you didn’t get smashed by the door; it meant he was waiting for you to speak.

“I know you’re not feeling well right now, and I just want to let you know that it’s totally okay to feel this way, even though I don’t know what exactly happened… I just wanted to tell you…”.

Another silence-filled pause ensured you that he was still listening.

“You did the right thing to come here, sweetie… The fact that you’re here right now means that even if you want me to leave you alone this instant, some part of you wants to find comfort here… And that’s exactly what I want to do for you right now. I just want to make it better, I promise. Please, Aku…Let me help you…”

No response.

“I’ll be waiting right behind the door for as long as you need. Please don’t break me along with it, or better yet, let me in whenever you feel like…”

It wasn’t much later that you heard the door finally unlock behind you, so you stood up, carefully opened it, and saw that your previously unimaginably ominous room was now just the way you remembered it.

Akutagawa was sitting on the floor in the corner across the room, curled up so he could take up as little space as possible. He had wrapped his arms around his knees and held them closely against his chest. His cloak was thrown over his shoulders, covering most of his upper body and his head was buried on his forearms.

You quietly approached him and sat next to him to keep him at ease. All these months in a relationship with him taught you that at times like these, he felt threatened by people sitting right opposite him, and didn't respond to them so well. He also deeply despised being looked at when he’s in such a vulnerable state, so you respected his wishes and looked at the floor, avoiding his eyes at all costs.

“Take your time, sweetie. I’m here to listen”, you said after a minute or two.

He took a big breath before lifting his head up, while you made sure to make him feel as comfortable as you could, based on his own individual terms.

“The Command Unit was sent to the center of Yokohama to investigate some strange movements in the black market… and there, I ran into that stupid weretiger...”

“Mhm hm”, you nodded as you kept listening carefully.

“We started a fight and I had cornered him in this alley… that was all until he showed up…”

“Dazai?”, you asked, just to make sure your assumptions were correct.

“Yes…” , he answered as his voice got weaker. “He nullified my ability and told the weretiger to leave, so it was just the two of us…”

You noticed it was getting harder and harder for him to speak as the conversation shifted towards Dazai. It was no surprise since he’d talked to you about him before but it was, nonetheless, upsetting to hear.

“No…”, you said, “and what did he do?”

“Well, he…”, Akutagawa said and then paused as if to collect himself, “he kicked me right below the chest and I was on the ground coughing…”

He took a breath, before proceeding to give you the rest of the story.

“And he said some things… something about the weretiger being better than me… but I’ve heard that before…”

“Aw sweetie—“

“He knows…”, he said, burying his head on his knees once again. “He found out about my disease somehow…”

When you heard him quietly weep, you moved a little closer to him, just enough so that he didn’t feel alone in this difficult, doleful moment. Before you could even begin to ask how Dazai managed to find that out, Akutagawa jumped into your arms and buried his head on your shoulder, letting his black cloak fall off his frail body.

As he did that, you didn’t fail to notice that his white shirt had bloody stains on each sleeve, a little bit above the length of the elbow. Both sides had five holes each, one for each of his own fingers that had been digging into his skin, scratching and ripping it apart.

You were so upset, but you realized that it would be no good to address it right now. So instead, you wrapped him up in the warm embrace that he desperately needed at the time.

“That lung disease you have is going to kill you soon… Maybe then, I’ll consider coming back to the Port Mafia… Such a shame that… even when you leave your last pathetic breath… there won’t have been a single moment… when you were better than my new apprentice…”

“That’s what he said to me…”, he uttered, sobbing in between these nasty, horrible phrases.

Your eyes started watering as you squeezed him tighter against you. It was beyond you how anybody could be so viciously cruel to someone so loyal and devoted, even if fate brought it so that they parted ways.

“That’s so hurtful…”, you whispered as tears were running down your cheeks. “It’s okay… Let it all out, I’m right here…”

“Why? Just why?!”, he cried in anguish, “How much more must I do? When will all this be over? When will I ever be enough?!”

You didn’t know how to respond to such questions at times like these, so you just let him lash out until he hopefully calmed down eventually.

“What am I saying? That’s never gonna happen…”, he lamented as his body started shivering, “I’m so sorry, Y/N… I’m a worthless and pathetic fool…”

“That’s not true…please stop saying things like that…”, you pleaded.

“I’m just gonna die so pointlessly… And it won’t even matter to him…”

“Well it’s gonna matter to me!”, you raised the tone of your voice, verklempt and teary-eyed.

His chest kept pumping against yours as he was struggling for breath.

“I’m so sorry my love…”, you apologized, fearing that all you just did was worsen his situation by letting your own emotions take over. He tried to say something, but in this state, coherent words couldn’t come out of his mouth.

You had to stay strong and help him during this difficult time. Right now, the situation wasn't about you.

“Listen to me, let’s take some deep breaths okay? Breathe in till four, hold till four, and breathe out till six. Can you do that for me?”

You felt him nodding yes, lifting his head up and letting his chin rest on your shoulder.

“Perfect, I’ll count: 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6…”

Akutagawa tried to follow your count as much as he could. You had to do this exercise about fifteen times before his breathing took its normal pace back. Your hand was always gently caressing the back of his head, and with every round you completed, you made sure that he knew he was doing a good job.

“I’m so proud of you”, you murmured and kissed his temple, “are you feeling any better now?”.

He nodded yes and sniffed his nose.

“Can I look at you?”, you asked.

He sighed, then nodded yes once again. Once he let go, you gently cupped his face and lifted his head up so you could look at him. His poor, restless eyes were ever so red and puffy from all the tears he’d been shedding.

“My sweet Aku…”, you whispered, “if only there was something I could do to take your suffering away… I can only imagine how terrible it feels to be treated so horribly by someone you look up to so much, to always feel like you’re the second option…”

You paused to take a big breath and collect yourself.

“And I know it’s not the same to hear it from me… but you’re always going to be my first choice… always…”

A sad, bitter smile morphed into your boyfriend’s face upon hearing these words, as if they were half-empty, not coming from a certain someone he’d want to hear them from instead.

“I’ll always be here for you… You’re my everything, my love… I love you more than anyone and anything in this world… And seeing you suffer like this… it crushes me…”

Akutagawa sat there in silence, guiltful and grey, shifting his gaze to the cold, hard floor.

“Especially this…” you said with a cracking voice, and looked at the red stains on his sleeves, “this just… it breaks my heart…”

His withering eyes were filling up with tears again.

“Promise me you won’t do it again…please…”, you begged.

“I promise…I’m so sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry sweetie, none of this makes you weak in my eyes…. You’re so strong… so much more than you think…”

You looked at him sweetly before pulling him closer to give him a soft kiss on the mouth, his lips passive, almost motionless against yours.

“Now go have a warm shower, you need to relax”, you said, getting up from the floor and offering him a helping hand to stand up as well. “Make sure that a lot of water runs over your wounds. I’ll take care of them once you’re done, okay?”

“Okay”, he answered, giving you his hand, letting you pull him up and still hold him all the way to the bathroom.

“Thank you so much, Y/N… really…”

“Don’t mention it”, you responded lovingly.

As he shut the door behind him, you immediately got this morbid feeling, this insurmountable urge to break down and cry.

You loved him with all your heart, but in comparison to even the tiniest praise from Dazai, your love for Akutagawa didn’t matter nearly as much to him. And that thought pained you so much, it cut deeper than a knife… In a way, you could even say you understood him, knowing that your one and only was gonna leave you soon, and that you’ll always come second, till the last moment… till his last moment, his very last breath…

It was all so devastating… But as you pushed the tears back, you remembered the promise that you made to yourself when you first got into a relationship with him; no matter how hard things got, you were gonna love this person as much as you could, for as long as you could… Until the very end, you had to be his pillar of strength and continue cherishing him no matter how much it hurt you in the process.

And you loved him so much, you wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Hey Gin”, you spoke to your phone as you recorded a voice message for her, “I found him, he was at my place. He’s okay, he has a few surface wounds on his arms, most probably nothing to worry about. You can let your boss and the others know that he’s safe and that he’ll stay here for the next couple of hours… And, by the way, thank you for contacting me as soon as you found his phone….Things might’ve been worse, had it not been for you… Call me if you need anything”

As you hit “send”, Akutagawa walked out of the bathroom, wearing an oversized white t-shirt and plaid black and white pajama bottoms, with the towel he used to dry his hair thrown around his neck.

“Feeling more comfortable now?” you asked.

“Yeah”, he responded.

“Good. Now come here, let me see your arms…”

He made his way next to you, letting you investigate his wounds.

“Hmm…”, you said, lost in thought, “they’re not as deep, so you’re not gonna need any stitches… but they do look a bit inflamed… we definitely need to disinfect these”

You took him by the hand back in the bathroom again, where you kept your medical kit. You grabbed the disinfectant bottle and lathered some liquid over a big piece of sterile cotton.

“I gotta warn you sweetie, this might burn a little…”

“Yeah, like I haven’t had worse– OWW!!”, he exclaimed as you pressed it against his wounds.

“I’m sorry, perhaps I wouldn’t have to do this if you hadn’t used your own hands. You were out fighting, who knows how many germs they had…”

“It burns…”, he hissed, clenching his jaw.

“Warned you…”, you responded. “You’ve never used disinfectant before?”

“Do you really think people in the mafia care to use this sh– AUGHH!”, he snarled once again as you repeated the same treatment to his other arm.

“We’re almost done now…” you reassured him as he gave you the most displeased, irritated stare.

“Hmm let’s see…” you mumbled to yourself while searching the contents of your kit, “I don’t have big enough band-aids for this… guess we’ll have to cover them with something else…”

You opened up two bandages, and with a little hesitation, Akutagawa let you wrap them around his arms tightly.

“All patched up!” you said, giving his boney shoulders a light squeeze, “Is there anything I can make for you? Anything to eat? Some tea maybe?”

“No, I think I’m gonna throw up if I do…”

“Yeah, we wouldn’t want that… Okay then, I think we should go to bed and get some rest, no?”

“Yeah…”

After you changed into your pajamas and brushed your teeth, you made your way into the fluffy futon and scooched over for Akutagawa to join you shortly after. While he is generally the quiet type, this time you could tell that he was way too tired even for the short-lived, yet endearing small talk before bed.

“My eyes hurt…” Akutagawa murmured as he slid next to you.

“I know, sweetie…Come here…”, you said, lifting up the cover and inviting him close to you.

Your boyfriend found his way into your arms again, his tired head buried in your chest and his thinned body clinging onto yours, the entirety of his being searching for warmth within your embrace. The comforting motions of your hands caressing his back and the sound of your heartbeat was everything he could ask for at the time.

“Feels like you’ve lost more weight…”, you pointed out as you grazed your fingers over the prominent parts of his skeleton, “Have you been eating well lately?”

“Mm-mm”, he shook his head no after a short pause, as if to adjust his thinking to your own standards of self-preservation. To him, if he made it out alive at the end, what was there to care for?

“Well that’s no good…I’m making you fluffy pancakes and your favorite tea in the morning”, you said knowing that, being starved of affection almost his entire life, he found these simple acts of kindness to be a huge deal. His contentment was clear as day, flowing through you as he pulled himself closer, practically sealing shut whatever space there was between the two of you.

“Thank you…”, he purred against your chest, the mere sweetness of his adorable reaction leading you to plant gentle kisses on the top of his head.

“Anything for you sweetie… I just want you to take care of yourself. Undereating can’t do any good to your condition… And I want to keep you around as much as possible, make as many happy memories together as we can…Like that time when you took me to dinner with the mafia for the first time and Higuchi kept warning me not to hurt your feelings or ‘I’ll be dead’...”

“Tsk, that piss-off…” he mumbled in a mix of displeasure and nostalgia, getting annoyed just by remembering the event, but being strangely happy that he got to experience it with you.

“It made me very happy that you apologized to her…”

“After you told me I was acting just like him, I had no choice…”

“And I’m so proud of you for that, sweetie…” you whispered, running your fingers through his hair

“I still remember when we had Gin and Chuuya over for my birthday and we played that drinking game he had suggested. I’m pretty sure at some point he stopped caring about the rules and started losing on purpose…Ah, what an iconic day…Oh, and that day when I first told you that I loved you…Hahah, you were so awkward whenever I told you that on the phone. It took you a couple of weeks before you were brave enough to say it back to me... But it’s okay, I’m not blaming you, it’s most wise to wait for the time when you are a hundred percent sure that you feel the same way for me… Hey, what about the day of our first date–”

You’d been talking for quite a while now, vocally walking down memory lane, too absent-minded to notice that Akutagawa was fast asleep by then. Your melancholic monologue got softly interrupted by his faint, quiet snores.

“Aww of course. I almost forgot how easily you fall asleep whenever I start rambling like this…”

You slid your hands under his shirt and felt the soft skin on his back. His hold on you was more relaxed, but far from apathetic, as if what remained of his slowly melting tension was love, and only love.

You smiled, feeling infinitely blessed that your boyfriend was there with you, that you were listening to his slow breathing as he was drifting somewhere far away. Your eyelids had been feeling heavy for a while, but before you joined him, you wanted to get some things off your chest; somethings you truly wanted Akutagawa to know, even though you knew that he wouldn’t hear much of it in his sleep.

“Aku, my sweetheart… You are worth so much more than you think. You are enough— no, you’re even more than that… And I wish I had the means to show you just how much you mean to me… Oh, if only I could make you feel even half of my love…”

A/N: Akutagawa cried again in the middle of the night, but didn’t want to bother Y/N with his feelings any further. He removed the bandages because anything that reminded him of Dazai, he couldn’t have on his body. After Y/N found out, she apologised for her ignorance and made him the most delicious fluffy pancakes.

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spiritedscorpio · 1 year

Text

When they find out you write erotica/smut (BSD characters)

Warning: NSFW content

Atsushi:

Writing this kind of stuff was something you randomly started doing when bored and you actually grew to enjoy it

He had no idea of this and you weren't keeping it from him because you were worried of him judging you, you just thought it was kind of embarrassing

One day when you were writing, you fell asleep at your desk. Atsushi being the loving boyfriend he is, carried you to bed so you'd be more comfortable

He goes to turn off your laptop for you but instead his eyes fall on the words on the screen "he moved down her body at a teasingly slow pace, leaving hickeys wherever he pleased, making her anticipate his next move"

His face instantly turns pink however he continues to read before noticing the text was in editor mode meaning you had wrote it. He wasn't sure what to say so he rehearses his response in his head until the next morning while you're eating

"Uh hey so yesterday I saw this... 18+ story on your laptop-- not that I was snooping or anything! I just went to turn it off for you and I was just wondering when you got into it"

He's just as, if not more embarrassed mentioning it than you were about him finding out. You explain it was something that started out of boredom and both you and other's online seemed to enjoy it so you kept up with it since it was more productive than just sitting around on your phone all day

Once he gets over his initial embarrassment he says the writing was actually pretty good and makes it clear that he has no problem with you doing it if it makes you happy

He even reads your updates-- even if he's blushing his face off the entire time

Kunikida:

With his ideals, he would often scold you for things he didn't approve of-- not that he was overly controlling, just that he would occasionally worry about the way your habits would affect you

One of them being the fact that you spent most of your time on your laptop, he was just worried that with your line of work it wouldn't be beneficial for you to be lounging around so much

He figured you were on social media most of the time but unbeknownst to him you were writing and because of this, he was quite surprised when he walked in on you using your laptop and you immediately shut it

He'd never want to invade your privacy but the fact that you had done that multiple times had him worried

He waited until you got called to investigate a case to see what you were always doing. Your password was your birthday, something he constantly encouraged you to change because of the confidential information you had on your laptop however, it was useful in this situation

He immediately noticed a hidden tab at the bottom of the screen and opened it to reveal something titled "Burning hot kisses" clearing indicating it was a nsfw story. He isn't really fazed and just decides to close the laptop

He instantly feels bad for doubting your loyalty especially when you trusted him so much

A home he repeatedly apologizes despite you not being mad and you even tell him he can read it if he wants

He says: "I truly apologize for invading your privacy and am beyond grateful that you're still being so kind to me after such an immoral act"

Ranpo:

He actually knew you wrote, judging by the way you were constantly tapping on the keys of your keyboard even when you didn't have work

While writing your face would frequently turn pink and by some coincidence you would write more the morning after you two were intimate

He soon came to the conclusion that you were writing 18+ stories

He doesn’t think much of it and casually brings it up to you “So how long have you been writing smut?” He laughs at your surprised reaction, saying that it was pretty obvious

The next time you write, he barges in the room with you and provides suggestions on how to improve it. Him reading all of your thoughts and desires is incredibly awkward but he truly does do a good job with it

Eventually when you get more comfortable, it becomes a regular routine and whenever you write something he looks it over for you

Dazai:

This man is pretty nosey, so trying to hide this from him has been a struggle. You mainly wrote when you knew he wasn't around but you were really enjoying writing the story you were currently working on so you started writing more around your shared apartment

The fact that he constantly ditches work and comes home at random times causes you to have to shut your laptop as soon as he enters the room

This instantly piques his interest and he waits until later that day to sneak up on you-- not because he's worried about anything, just because he wants to see what you're hiding

Later that day he peeks around the doorway of your room and sees you on your phone with your back facing him

He quietly walks up to you and snatches your phone from you, his height preventing you from being able to get it back

Once he reads some of it, he says: "My isn't this explicit, who would've thought someone with such an innocent face would write stuff like this"

He continues to read the rest of it out loud despite your pleas for him to stop because of how embarrassing it is

To make it even worse he checks out the things you've liked "Hmm, so this is the stuff you're into? Noted."

He leaves the conversation at that but offers to "help you out" if you ever need inspiration

Akutagawa:

Sometimes meetings at the Port Mafia would run long and be really boring so you would take out your laptop and pretend to take notes

If you left your laptop on the table you normally remembered to close the tab first however today you didn't

Maybe it was because Mori was rambling way longer than normal and you couldn't wait to get out of there or maybe it was because you were exhausted from all the recent fights but regardless... your smutty fanfic was open for anyone to see

Luckily you had the rest of the day off meaning the other members likely wouldn't see it

You were pretty forgetful and didn't even realize you left it behind however lucky for you, your boyfriend was pretty organized and decided to bring it home for you

He went to shut it off but instead saw quite the descriptive sex scene written on the screen

The only visible reaction he has is his eye widening slightly, before shutting it off and bringing it with him

He comes home to you already laying down on the couch and he sets your laptop on the coffee table "If you're going to be writing that kind of stuff at least remember to close it before leaving the room" He leaves it at that and disappears into your room never mentioning it again but still leaving a completely shocked and embarrassed expression on your face

Chuuya:

You hadn't told him about it because you figured he would make fun of you

The two of you were on the couch and he was watching tv while you wrote with your laptop facing away from him

You continued to type away for quite a while, grabbing his attention "The hell are you writing?"

You say it's nothing however your face flushes causing him to ask to see it. The two of you play tug of war for the laptop and he quickly wins

As he reads he uses his other hand to push your head away "Why the hell are you writing this?" He laughs however you can't help but notice that his face is slightly pink but he plays it off

You explain why you were writing and he just shrugs "If that's what makes ya happy"

In the future when he plans something romantic for you two, if he doesn't want you to think he's trying to be all mushy he claims it's something you can use for your stories

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