#but i feel somewhat better now

[pancake-breakfast]

Second week, second volume! Trigun Book Club!

Archive

Trigun Volume 1: Covers + 1-3, 3 Detailed Thoughts, 4, 4 DT, 5-6, 5-6 + DT, 6 DT, 7-8, 9-10

Stream-of-consciousness thoughts for Trigun Vol. 2, Covers + Extras, below.

Trigun Volume 2 Covers

The cover for this volume is so pretty, what with the plant all coming out of Vash's gun there.... Pretty and strange and kinda disturbing.

I wonder what's in those jars floating around the hairy-legged plant man thing. Are they even jars? Blood bags? Hard to say.

Hey! Wolfwood's on the back cover! WOLFWOOD IS ON THE BACK COVER!!!

Also, Legato Bluesummers. Shit.

Aaaand there's a blow-up doll on the fake back cover. Because why not.

There are a LOT of familiar faces on the back of the Japanese Volume 3 cover. I don't like it. They mean bad things are coming.

Ok, Legato's getting eaten by a shark on the fake version of it, though, and I think that's hilarious.

BUT NOT AS HILARIOUS AS MERMAID WOLFWOOD'S SEASHELLS AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M DYING!!!! Nightow's obsession with this man's tits confirmed.

Extra 1: Day In Day Out

Ooh, a glimpse into the daily life of Mr. The Stampede? Why do I suspect donuts are part of it?

I'm gonna be honest; I did NOT peg Vash as an early riser. Then again, it might be important if you're on the run all the time.

LOL, I remember him not being very good at meditation.

I'm imagining that egg is hard-boiled. Or hollow. Like, this is still a good trick. No need to waste breakfast on it if it fails, though.

Three HOURS?? Dang, no wonder the guy's got skills. I can't do much of anything before breakfast.

Oh, fine. I guess it was a raw egg.

LOL, "John P. Smith." The most boring alias he could come up with. I wonder what the P stands for. Pseudonym, perhaps?

Psh, Vash can be plenty sneaky. But only in fights. Or when fleeing insurance agents.

Serious Vash expression! I seriously love all his expressions.

Gambling at chess. Ok, man. Whatever floats your boat.

LOL, he lost all his money. I take it back; he needs a new hobby.

Yeah, he's definitely letting the kids get him. As we see with how fast he switches to being the person in power when the motorcycle comes through.

Funny how much trouble one can stay out of by simply foregoing revenge.

Vash would like oldies....

Ew, this bike guy's kinda creepy.

"Sonic Sodom." Yyyyyeeeeaaaahhh, that's not exactly a name that inspires trust.

I love the irony in this panel. They're talking about how dangerous Vash is while he's (apparently) being taken down by a small child.

Dude. Who fires a gun to get people to shut up like that?! Rude.

LOL, the bleeping.

Props to this lady. She's like, "I don't care who you are. If you're gonna come in here, shoot things up willy-nilly, make threats, and swear at us, then you take your ass elsewhere." Like, this happens after this guy does all these things. Mad props.

They bleeped out all that stuff, but he still calls her a bitch....

Hahahaha, that's a wonderful way to take care of the issue. Good job, Vash!

Extra 2: Pilot

(Fair warning: I'm in a Mood as I write this due to some real life stuff, so apologies if it's overly vague or anything.)

Post-Hiroshima environment?? Damn.

Heck, I'd take two years of food as a form of payment....

Ahhhhh, this jacket! It lacks the sexy leg slits, but I still love it. Also it still somehow manages to show off his waist. And throwing the Love and Peace fingers with his clearly mechanical hand!

I'm in love with this first line. "We fell from the sky like droplets of rain." Poetry. MAJOR props to @trigun-manga-overhaul for their choices in both flow and rhythm for the words.

The second sentence is a lovely contrast, what with the rain versus the sun. But also a lovely parallel, as both images are destructive.

Covering a few additional elements here: metal, wind, sand/earth.

He can't ever escape being surrounded by graves, can he? Babygirl here needs a break. I love how small he is relative to the field of death.

HEY. The right alcoholic drinks are GREAT with ice!

Oh, shoot. I recognize this story from '98.

LOL, look at him go. This was my favorite Vash entrance in all of '98. It's very memorable. I hope Johnny Yong Bosch had a blast doing the voiceover for it.

He's just dancing away from the bullets, as if it's all just luck.

LOL, three guns. It's Trigun!

Goshdarn stupid flip-up glasses....

I love how quick his reaction goes from this (Seriously, what is he, a teenager??)...

...to this.

Psh, as if Vash the Stampede needs a measly pistol to wreak havoc.

Ah, the return of lecherous Vash. NGL, was kinda hoping that moment was an anime-only. Though they really took it and ran with it, though, didn't they?

You don't get to say, "That's no way to treat a lady!" to others when you were just looking up her skirt.

LOL, I love her response here. Perfect.

Huh. Something tells me these guys are after a bit more than a rich guy's "pocket money." Is it the fact that one of them shoved a gun in the daughter's mouth? Could be. Could be....

Distracting table-crash provided by... Vash the Stampede. I told you he didn't need a gun to wreak havoc. Though of course the whole incident gave the guy's friends time to restrain him and get him away from the girl before he did anything rash.

Look at him. He's just a little guy....

Vash, not taking any chances. Distraction might not be enough. Use Advanced Projectile Gum Technique!

This sure is a colorful cast of characters....

I'm just saying, they don't really seem like the type of folks the sheriff should have on speed dial.

I love how pissed off Vash looks as they're talking about how he'll kill them all if he shows up. This is the face of a man who's had it with your lies and slander.

Dude, the rich guy was like, "Just so long as my daughter lives," and the sheriff was like, "They'll do the job so long as you pay upfront," but girl's gonna get taken down in the crossfire.

Or, she would if Mr. The Stampede wasn't there.

The girl is physically ok, but mentally, she'll be scarred forever. That's some Hellsing/AoT-levels of, "This character is definitely dead."

Aaaand three panels later, Vash realizes he forgot to continue pretending to be tied up and tries to remedy the situation.

Bossman here (I mean the gang leader, not the actual character named Bostalk) was already suspicious of Vash. Now he's extra-suspicious.

Somehow, Vash revealing his identity has not made the Bossman less suspicious.

Vash, the multi-talented. He can fight and preach at the same time.

Oh, so the field of graves at the beginning isn't Vash's fault somehow. That's... good.

I mean, dear old dad might care a lot for his daughter, but he clearly stated he didn't give a shit about the lives of anyone else in the building.

Vash is disappointed in Bossman's life choices.

BTW, Vash's hair in this whole chapter just makes me think of thistle flowers.

Yes. Refusing to do so just leads to more cruelty.

Vash just let the guy shoot the man, huh?

Oh, he's not happy about it.

Ah, yes. There's the greedy sheriff I remember!

This sheriff mentioned his hired help didn't think anything of taking human lives, but it seems they're not the only ones.

Oh, no. Sheriff triggered Angry Vash.

Not really sure what happened in this panel save that Vash was at the center of a bunch of destruction. Again.

Ah, gun arm. I thought it might be gun arm. I couldn't remember.

I love the sheriff's expression here. Like, he literally has his own gun to Vash's face, and he's effing terrified.

Vash, dodging bullets again.

WTF, he shot him right in the badge. Talk about insult and injury. My boy knows what he's doing.

LOVE AND PEACE!!!

Hahahaha, everyone else just looks sooooo confused. Hopefully, they'll get it someday.

#thanks trigun #i was having a bummer of an evening #but i feel somewhat better now #trigunbookclub #trigun manga #volume 2 #pancake thoughts

[uncanny-tranny]

Something I realized (which was obvious to me subconsciously) is that... The family that vehemently didn't accept me when I first came out but now do accept me are still the same family that I am most unwilling to be open about things I feel protective over.

I remember that my dad reacted so poorly, not to my coming out, but to my transition specifically that my therapist was the one to ask if I wanted to put it on my file that I wanted nothing to ever be shared with him about my health after I broke down multiple times due to my anxiety that I would never transition. While there are and were protections for me, I was incredibly fearful at the time because I was a minor, and I was so worried that he would have prevented my transition that I couldn't have said for certain what (if any) lengths he would have gone to to prevent that.

He's grown a lot as a person, and made some commendable strides. But he didn't find out from me when I medically transitioned the second I turned eighteen, and I think that's among the things that truly made him realize the scope of the issue.

I'm not here to guilt trip parents, guardians, or other members responsible for the care of the children or teens or young adults in their care.... but this is a cautionary tale. You aren't saving the people in your care when you do this, you simply reinforce an idea that you will never care for them, never want them as they are, would rather them be shoved away.

When you give people reasons to be secretive, they will behave secretively. When you give people reasons to doubt their safety around you, they will become sneaky, defensive, and withdrawn. When you give people reasons to doubt that you value their life, they will believe that you don't care if they live or not.

#queer #lgbt #lgbtq #ally advice #transphobia #transphobia tw #i always feel the need to preface that i have a rebuilt relationship with my dad specifically... #...but that my experiences with them have served to me in many ways to illustrate... well... what NOT to do if you are in his situation #i do still grieve that my relationship with him looks very scarred and that it took a long time to get to where he is now #but i recognize that in many ways this is a product of the world and culture we live in and that he lived in #in a world he grew up gay was used as a slur. would i expect that trans people would be treated better? #and he was responsible for how he reacted but also... it's nuanced as to why he reacted so poorly #and i want people to AVOID being like he did if they EVER want a decent relationship with the other person #i want this to be a cautionary tale and that my ending is unique. not all of us are even ABLE to repair a relationship that was THAT broken #some of us die trying. some of us never get closure. some of us are in active danger because of those reactions #and that's the more common reality i have found. most other queer people have no-contact with families who pulled the shit my dad had... #...and that's - frankly - a good idea in 99.9% of cases. i will never judge someone for the way they go about dealing with that #i'm just emphasizing that i am unique in the sense that i was able to somewhat repair that

[marragurl]

Not the first to say it, but damn can’t believe Galladay really went from toxic yaoi to doomed tragic yaoi.

Alright fellow Galladay trash, where’s the modern AU fix-it fics?

I need to see Gallagher single dad with Misha plus their dog/cat Sleepie falling for entertainment company CEO Sunday. Don’t ask me how they met, fuck it, throw in bodyguard AU Gallagher who works part-time at a bar, boom there that’s how they meet, idk I’m making this up on 3 hours of sleep.

You’ve heard of slow burns, now get ready for Galladay blaze it.

They’re speedrunning the relationship from hate -> annoyance -> mild disgruntlement -> weirdly vibing -> ok wow never knew I needed that in my life -> Sunday is way too ok with spoiling Misha -> ok so we got married -> alright we’re dismantling the government now -> Sunday went to jail for 5 minutes for attempting “peaceful” world domination, don’t worry we (Gallagher) forgave him -> Sunday’s stepping down as CEO to run a coffeeshop idk look someone get him some therapy -> Robin is president now while she still goes on tours -> Misha won an engineering competition while this was all going on

Bottom line: Robin is out living her best life while Sunday is in the back somehow having the most insane week of his life. I have no other notes for her here except that she is happy, and successful, and is Sunday’s last remaining brain cell. She and Misha are having some fun Aunt/Nephew bonding times while Galladay are accidentally-on-purpose committing multiple war crimes.

No, we don’t have time to unpack 2.2 and all its trauma, we cope with modern AU :)

#honkai star rail #hsr #hsr gallagher #hsr sunday #sunday #gallagher #galladay #galladay hsr #I am dying #played the quest for 8 hours straight till 3am #went into a coma right after #woke up #had a breakdown about my little galladay saxophone ficlet somewhat being right about the tragic yaoi of ‘what could have been’ #Apollo is that you? #yes I’m trying to cope with humor #I better start seeing cute fluffy fics of these two now #ok real question #is dormancy/sleepie dog or cat coded? #I was debating it as I wrote this #cuz I feel like Gallagher is a dog person #and the way he he spoke of his pet aka sleepie in those texts seemed like he was a dog #but like #murder cat #constant jokes of sleepie trying to kill Sunday and camera pans to him just trying to bite Sunday’s ankles only to then fall asleep on him #fuck it they have both a cat and a dog #the dog is sleepie while the cat is dormancy it fits #help I can’t stop thinking about Sunday being in straight up denial over liking Gallagher while Robin is just doing the Office Stare™️ #misha is weirdly ok with getting a new step parent and Sunday’s natural big brother instincts translate well into taking care of him #it helps that misha is just a polite and cute kid #THERES A TAG LIMIT?! WHAT?!

[skitskatdacat63]

2023 Las Vegas Grand Prix - Qualifiying - Fernando Alonso

#half asleep making these istg #yayyyy p9? idk ig i expected him to do better #old man asleep at the wheel whats new 😴 #he was very quick w this interview i wonder if he was eager to get to bed #i certainly am rn #f1 #formula 1 #fernando alonso #2023 las vegas gp #(i wish i could atop feeling insecure abt my gifs. i do it for fun.) #(of course i want them to look somewhat good but i get a bit ill over it) #(there was somw drama on here at some point that made me want to completely stop posting then ngl) #(cause like what is the point if im not as good as others ig :/ this is kinda vague posting but it made me so uncomfortable) #(as i said. i do it for fun in quick time bcs yay jsut wanna post smth i found cute) #(but ever sincce that thing happened its just made me extremely self critical and insecure abt posting) #(idk why im saying this. kinda repressing the urge tk be like 'SRY THESE ARE TERRIBLE. YEAH.') #(i need to sleep. but i often feel like this literally every time i post now bcs some people get on their high horse and ruin people's fun) #(iykyk ig. its smth bothering me lately. but i hate to act so morose. but i still feel bad abt the quality sometimes. i guess.) #we do a little bit of f1

[a-s-levynn]

"And we go beyond the farthest reaches / Where the light bends and wraps beneath us" A Series of Small Offerings - III/10 - day30

#a series of small offerings #sleep token fanart #as per usual tumblr destroy the quality on the dash so click for better image? #sorry for taking this long with this #honestly i was kind of terrified of this song #i have a very specific really strong impression of what the feeling it gives me looks like #specifically because of this line and i had to do it somewhat justice #it's not quite there yet what's in my head but it's okay enough for now #but maybe i'll take an other crack at it later.. when the series is finished and all #sleep token #vessel #vessel i #vessel fanart #vessel sleep token #sleep token vessel #sleep token band #sleeptoken #levynn tries to draw

[potatobugz]

i am not what you think i am

#potatart #i had 2 write my deadname on a birthday card it was rather unpleasant #anyways i will sto posting about it now.......... #i will post thisart though because. i like it alittle bit #i think im feeling somewhat better now #u..m...... thatsall #🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

[harmonysanreads]

Re-watching romance movies I stumbled upon as a child and rooting for the ‘villains’ this time is an eye-opening experience :/

#well the somewhat decent ones that is #most of the times these villains in romance films feel copy-pasted from one character that became a hit #but what i get flabbergasted by is the amount of yandere coded villains i found in this saga #i NEED to know where the storywriters got the inspiration for this from #especially since they don't really do villains like these anymore #now that i notice all these apparently “good” heroes are so boring #and most of the times their relationship with the female leads aren't even well cooked #but what is even better is how i finally understand all the wrong and questionable stuff they implement in these stories in the name of love #yikes #sitting through some of them was literal torture #i absolutely need a ratio who can roast these films with me #anyway at least i got some inspiration :> #harmonysan.txt

[szampers]

Today while walking in a group, someone approached and tried to make casual conversation with me, probably to have some company to beat the boredom of walking I suppose. Or it was just some small loneliness. Exchanged a few words, it pretty much ended as soon as it had started. There are reasons:

1. I physically could not bring myself to be interested in the subject, not even able to feign superficial interest

2. I am too often indulged in my own thoughts and I'm more than happy to remain there.

3. I struggle to verbalize my thoughts. Even if I happen to be interested, in that case I'd then feel the awful pain of being unable to express myself. That's the situational mutism (prefer this term over selective mutism)

4. I lack a will to talk. Having a spontaneous tendency to make conversation doesn't come to me. At all.

5. Tha hell do I have to say to you

5. The nerves act up a little

These are the main reasons behind my apparent eternal vow of silence! They likely take precedence over one another depending on the situation (and my mood). Moving on.

Even though the entire exhange only lasted 10 seconds or so, it derailed whatever thought proces I had and weighed on my mind for arguably far too long. I thought about how people could simply initiate conversations with each other and keep it afloat, as if it comes to them naturally. To them it probably does, much like how my natural state is to keep to myself unless I have No Other Options. While I struggle to imagine myself freely initiating, seeking and holding conversations, they might struggle to fathom why I've sworn my vow of silence.

An ability to express myself decently and a superficial interest would've helped out much back then. I feel if only I had these two skills, just these two, life would be so much easier. New set of skills do come with a new set of problems, but I imagine they're "lighter" to deal with. It's exhausting to ruminate on one thing constantly: Why. Can I not act like most people do, and how it is severely detrimental if I ever hope to integrate into society. At the very least I should be able to be sociable on a functional level. The bare minimum is good enough for me, as long as it's enough for me to get by without much grievances in life. Unfortunately I only barely reach even this level. Now this is another thing I think myself into oblivion about. Goes in line with the situational mutism.

I'm not obligated to owe anyone conversation, but it really does feel like I've failed a basic task. I doubt faking interest and indulging them would've made me feel much better than shutting it off quickly, but at least I wouldn't be ruminating the crap out of it. They say change comes depending on how much you want to change, and that's seemingly the only solid thing I'm holding onto which keeps me somewhat hopeful.

#schizoid #szpd #schizoid personality disorder #personality disorder #rambling #also this is my first post!! #recently i have found (technically rediscovered) the szpd wikipedia article. #and now for the first time i feel understood #as i also come to understand myself better #reading it has been nothing but pain. it was painfully accurate #the first time reading it made me very uncomfortable. still does but somewhat less #selective mutism

[enhanced-operatives-division]

Hello LGBTQ+ community. I redesigned prism a little

#the quotes are definitely ooc but they were more for making me laugh #sigh. i will draw other characters again eventually she's just becoming THE character rn #plus i want to redesign juniper because now im a bit better at drawing people i don't enjoy parts of his design as much. mask stays tho #i really want to draw more starstruck stuff im just SO SCARED TO #that and i came up with another au for them and it's. sigh it's driving me up the wall in a good way but that does mean - #- doing extra designs for them specifically for that au.....augh.. #why am i putting this on my roxana prism post. im going back to her #I've always been a bit. idk the feeling exactly but her game is blue but her model has so little blue #so adding the coat somewhat permanently to my design so that she has more blue to balance her out #and if my response from my last prism in a labcoat was anything to go by /silly/lh #i digress #ieytd #[agent moose's art] #roxana prism #robutler #he's there :]

[eidrefangel09]

Say it

Audio - The Grumps @ 3:16

#THIS TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG BECAUSE OF PROCRASTINATION #I'm not done there's gonna be more lego monkie grumps where that came from #I'm just gonna say it now ANY audio of Arin losing his shit and Dan being In chill bottom text is Pigsy and Sandy #onto the lore of this four second video #when drawing the little DBK I drew it like how I think Red Son would #by being unnecessarily aggressive #it ended up making the coloring somewhat work oops it's supposed to be more messy than that #I colored over the lines for good measure ( • ▽ • ) #ha promare fire #MK is drawing Red Son as the elmo meme #I had that idea while drawing the little DBK and it was real funny to me #MK's chill drawing face unintentionally makes it look like Spicynoodles implied #it isn't but feel free to see it however you want I don't care ¯\_(= ▽ =)_/¯ #also can you tell I'm insane over molding Red Son's hair to have bull ears and horns #I'd be able to interpret bull ears better if his hair down TvT #my art #lego monkie kid #monkie kid #lego monkie kid fanart #monkie kid fanart #lmk red son #lmk mk

[kaninchen-reblogs]

I’m not entirely sure how to word this correctly cuz brain currently scrampled egg but I feel like being on the aro/ace spectrum as a transfem is incredibly frustrating when the majority of online transfem spaces are very hypersexual

Like on one hand, trans women are constantly told by society that they’re undesirable except when they’re objectified and chased, so the act of taking their sexualization into their own hands is super important and I’m legitimately glad that trans girls can find spaces online where they can be unabashedly horny in a liberating way.

On the other hand, you can’t look up “transgender” on this site without getting 80% porn bots and 20% discourse, I can’t share [animal]girl[bodypart] blogs to my ace friends without them being jumpscared by the most recent post being uncensored explicit imagery, and a big chunk of the online white anglo-centric transfem culture now is being super horny, alongside NEET-posting, blahaj, and striped socks.

Like I’m on the ace spectrum but I’m sex-positive and not bothered by the horny stuff so it doesn’t affect me too much. But I cannot imagine how alienating it must feel to be aromatic, asexual, and/or sex-repulsed as a transfem and your only other option is the sanitized, infantilized “uwu im anxious eepy baby with shark plush” meme-space. And I’m aware that HRT affects libido — ever since I started it, it’s definitely gone up, so I can’t blame people for needing an outlet.

I mean I guess that speaks to how you can never be “truly” inclusive in a space because something will always be exclusive to another person. Idk I just wish the world was safer for transfems from all walks of life, and there were more spaces for us to be proud of ourselves without it falling into “super horny”, “discourse”, or “ultra-sanitized”.

#I’ve had these thoughts for a while now #like for the past month or two I’ve kept thinking about all this stuff #partially inspired by the fact that one of my best friends is a sex repulsed ace transfem #(if you’re reading this hi i love you) #and just feeling … idk. like she deserves better I guess? #I can’t speak for how the transmasc culture is since I’m not transmasc #from what I’ve seen it appears somewhat the same? #of either ‘you’re a smol bean uwu’ or ‘you’re a hunky sexy man’ with no in between #but I won’t assume that’s how it is just from those few things I’ve seen #idk it just really seems like being aro/ace/sex repulsed means that the internet is actively hostile to you #and you can’t engage in your identity without it being discourse in some way #and yes I realize the irony of saying that on a post like this #‘20% of transgender posts are discourse’ I complain as I write up a discourse-bait post lmao #please don’t actually discourse on this post I’m just tryna get my thoughts out

[forcedhesitation]

*wheeze* slowly, but surely, working on art of them all

#bg3 #myart #wip #I want to make every tav/companion pairing I have a dedicated. fancy piece. #these started with a concept for a wyll drawing that was very...storybook! inspired. #I would have been done all the linework for these two pieces by now had my weekend gone better :/ #I was violently unwell for...about a week and a half? chronic illness bullshit. had started to feel better friday of last week... #...unfortunately fate had it that the weekend ended up being particularly stressful. so the pain returned anew. #it was. somewhat better today. but still not enough for me to really be productive in my free time :( #I will try to complete the linework tomorrow if all goes well. I really would like to start colouring them! #I have delightful colour schemes chosen... #gale/illamin piece has already been sketched in a notebook. once I finish these two- I will begin lining theirs! #illamin's connects to cadence's because they're intertwined like that. but I have yet to finish planning out cadence's piece. #I've gone back and forth on who I should romance with him...the thing with any of the companions is that they are all written to be- #-immensely compatible with each other. so writing a tav FOR a specific companion is a bit hard. often the tav could fit with any of them. #hell. I'm STILL working out details of jantar and corydalis' story & characters. because I can't be normal about this. #that aside- I DO have other. finished pieces...finally. #well. I had some long before... but I didn't want to post them because I wasn't happy with them. #so I went and finished new stuff that I DO like. #4. technically 5 drawings. all horror/horror adjacent in theme. #my extremely detailed hux painting is also NEARLY done. after months upon months of work. #and I continue to slowly chip away at the big scifi themed dbd piece I've had in progress. #I really never run out of things to draw and it's a bit torturous because I never have the time or energy to draw everything...

[blackspring4577]

Four probably teases them for not knowing BFDI fun fact #291033 (literally the most obscure piece of trivia imaginable)

#tpot #tpot two #tpot four #blackart #kay i feel better now (somewhat) time to post some funnies

[hyperfixation-hideout]

drew Little in Oscar's clothes!

Y'know.... cause Little Prince?

... That was the entire thought process behind this

#rwby little #rwby somewhat #oscar pine #rwby9 #rwby fanart #quinart #better make that a tag lol #quinpost #ignore the green lighting lol I have a color changing light in our apartment :P #this was actually awhile ago and tbh was kinda a fluke how well it turned out dfjhgfd #it's part of what made me go yknow what maybe I should give learning to draw another chance #that was before v9 and I did not try drawing again until after v9 ended dsjfhg #most of the drawings I did when I DID start learning looked worse than this which was disheartening but expected :P #but now I feel like I'm improving slowly but surely! #anygay love yall

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd #also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th #breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to #so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart #and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves #i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this #i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things #so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday #i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers #but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care? #people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better #if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war #anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter] #personal #add to journal #words n rhythm #WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS #cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao #i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes. #anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i #and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would #objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else. #this is a gift i give myself now. #this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do #trauma evolution #mosswrites

[dreamwinged]

good morning everyone :( i am in a Funk really bad and i wanna say it’s school but i know it’s a bit deeper than that. i dunno what to do i just feel weird… i hope everyone is having a good day tho imy guys :’)

#.mei’s chatter ˚༘⋆ ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖ #yk when you wake up and you just feel like you haven’t slept at all #pretty sure i even dreamed abt my problems bc when i woke up they were instantly on my mind #it’s like this sick feeling #ik it’s a lot of stuff combined and the feelings r just manifesting thru smaller stuff but it still sucks so bad #idunno…. what if im not good enough for f/os and i should drop them all and let them Be Free.. #im just not feeling good abt myself i guess. i think im scared to go home tbh #one week til i go home… :( #then i have to get my wisdom teeth out and start my new job and see my friends again who bully me for fun #can’t wait……….. #im going to try to keep learning japanese hopefully that helps me yk #to have a hobby to throw myself into #i don’t know… i guess it’s a plus that i don’t have school again til august #maybe something good will happen in that time. maybe i’ll get better #maybe i need a therapist but aaaahhhh…… scary….. it’s harder now that im older and no one can make me go #i just am unsure that i can be fixed atp i don’t know if i can have a normal life or if i’ll just always be this way #hhhh…. i don’t want to go home at least here i feel somewhat happy