#but it's still really discouraging. it's still hard to find the motivation to create in this kind of grim capitalist environment...

[northern-passage]

hey. have you all heard about this. they’re making a squid game reality tv show. like an actual squid games. have you heard about that. did you hear about amazon also planning a disco elysium tv series, and a life is strange tv series? of course we already have rings of power and then over on HBO we have the last of us and then wherever that shit halo show is streaming. and don’t forget all the star wars spin offs whose taglines are “the revolution will be televised” while being streamed by one of the worst media companies of all time who uses their billions of dollars to support bigots in the government and create military propaganda. have you heard about the booktok industry plant? have you heard about that author who gets their agent to spoon-feed them tropes so they can write the most soulless, bland fanfic that they can then repackage as a YA novel (she’s a new york times best-selling author btw) have you heard about all of that?

the creative industry is so discouraging right now. sometimes i really struggle to find any motivation at all when i see the way certain stories are treated - completely bastardized, milked for all their worth (and then beaten like a dead horse just for good measure) or otherwise you have creators that clearly could not care less, nothing but a cash grab with a pretty coat of paint, usually piggybacking off of trends or just using a pre-existing media (because then you already have a pre-existing fanbase. easy money!) and i’m not going to pretend like i understand how all of it works, what the process is from book/game to movie deal to netflix show but i will say i hate that this is the “goal” now, that this seems to be the expectation with so much art these days, whether the creator wants it or not.

it’s all just so... bleak.

#anyways. sorry i saw the squid games thing this morning and snapped i guess #obviously im under no delusion that any of this would ever apply to tnp or anything i write at all #but it's still really discouraging. it's still hard to find the motivation to create in this kind of grim capitalist environment... #especially when it comes to games which are already underappreciated #and i really dislike the games to movies/shows trend #the level design the mechanics the music the art style all of that is just as integral to the story as the dialogue and narrative itself #games are a way to experience a story it's a different way of telling a story. it loses meaning when you strip that away. imo #as someone who 'makes games' i guess. #like with IF the whole POINT is the player interaction #the choices #and there are so many games out there (literally disco elysium and life is strange) where that's a core mechanic #the last of us it's the opposite #the lack of choice and the railroading of the player is a core mechanic #it's not the same when it's just some actor in a costume. the player is part of the narrative. it's important #sigh. anyways support indie creators i guess #personal

[chrishoughton]

i have been a big city greens fan from the very beginning and i recently just started rewatching it with my best friend who’s never seen it before. she lives over a thousand miles away in another state and it’s so hard being apart, but every night we get on the phone and watch BCG together through disney+. it has been one of highlights of my weeks lately.

I relate so much to Gloria, more than i wish i did sometimes, as a barista currently trying to make it as an artist and dreaming of going to paris hahaha. I love her.

all of this to say that i am so thankful for big city greens and the characters, it is so real and so funny and such a comfort to me. when BCG came out i had just started art school and it was a huge inspiration and continues to be today as i have grown and learned. my dream was and still is to make something as heartfelt and genuine as BCG one day. I’ve come close to giving up so many times and this year especially has been really difficult in a lot of ways, but rewatching your show has reminded me of what i set out to do in the first place. it has helped me find that motivation again.

thank you and Shane for creating such a gem, you have no idea how much it means to me. I hope you and your family had a wonderful thanksgiving!

(and since this wasn’t a question and you got on me for that last time i sent you a message, I’ll end with this:

what are cricket and tilly’s favorite songs of all time, respectively, and why? I would love to know so i can add them to my big city playlist :’)

thank you again!!)

Oh man, this made my day! Thanks for sharing. It makes me really happy to hear that BCG (and Gloria) is so special to you. I love that you watch it with your friend over the phone. That's adorable??? And it's surreal to hear that BCG is such an inspiration to you because I remember being in art school and wondering the same questions. "Will I ever be able to make something as cool/inspiring/original as ______??"

As cool as it is to be inspired by stuff you like, it can easily become discouraging (at least this is my experience.) Think of all of the artwork/songs/films we've missed out on because artists have talked themselves out of completing their project. Tragic!

It's important to remember that you'll never make anything like BCG (or anything you're inspired by) and that's a good thing! Whatever you create, will go through your individual "filter." It really will be unique because there's no one like you. No one has your exact experiences, perspectives, and outlook on life. Just keep making stuff that feels personal and honest to you and you're bound to make something interesting and unique.

And to answer your question (thank you for finally following the RULES)... Cricket's favorite song would probably be ever-changing depending on his current mood. But I like to think that Gene Autry's "Don't Fence Me In" is quietly playing on loop in the back of Cricket's brain. I could see Tilly loving Mama Cass's "Make Your Own Kind of Music."

Best of luck with the rest of art school!

#big city greens #disney #anon ask #disney channel #bigcitygreens

[diorsbrando]

the way i’m slowly and extremely gradually treating my blog like my diary or just like….instagram or something is becoming increasingly concerning to me by the day. i just post and rb a bunch of stuff that i like or supporting other creators on here or screaming about my thoughts (that have so much range by the way). uncontrollable venting under the cut .

TLDR -> i am in my feelings and im feeling sad and wallowing in self loathing things because i want to write so so bad all the time but there are so many other factors discourage me from doing so, like im not good enough because i don’t publish things enough, & not many people read anything i write anyway

<\3

i really am trying not to hate myself because another 2-ish months have passed since the last time i have posted a fic, but it is so so hard not to. SO HARD. mutuals are doing kinktober events left, right and center, other moots post fics and blurbs as easy as sending a 5 sentence text and here i am. envious of them all. rereading and proofreading and staring at the same drafts i have had in my google docs for weeks. months, even!

i just get discouraged coming on here sometimes. it’s not that i don’t have the motivation to write because i do— i really do. i have so so many ideas that i want to share with everyone and my writing style keeps evolving and it makes me want to experiment with different tropes with my favs and see how well i can execute them. but the actual doing it….finding the time and trying to balance is just :( sob. it’s hard.

i internally cringe and silently scold myself at the wips i have and remembering how at the time i created them i was so excited to write them but then never finished for one reason or another. abandoned series make me sad :/ i feel guilt when people talk to me about how much they liked a headcanon i did and how i promised to expand on it, or multichap series i only posted the prologue and first chapter over a year ago. guilt bc i want to write everything but just can’t and i’m still struggling to accept that.

and in the process of struggling with this fact it turns into a self loathing cycle that then turns into disappointment when interactions on my writing pieces are low and have become stagnant, and the pieces are 4+ months old or something, and it’s like will i become irrelevant if i don’t post something soon? i have nothing new to offer at the moment, all the ideas im excited about and i have a feeling people will like im still working on or in the brainstorming phase so im like what do i do? idk. then i just close the app.

don’t even get me started on how admiration at just how good other people write makes me feel awful about my own writing…..

anyway sorry for boring you with my feelings but yeah :,) maybe i should stop being so hard on myself

if u read this far then….wow. thanks for listening 🤍

#ʬʬ.sosa speaks.com #sorry this turned into a serious ugly emotional rant and #i am sorry #sigh #i could have gone into a lot more detail with other things that make me feel bad and discouraged #but maybe another time #anyway. #im gonna watch some anime

[skullrock]

hi um I'll be brave and ask without anon but may I ask where did u learn to do jewelry? What motivated you to do it? And if u were to give advice to someone who may be interested in it what would u say?

omg!!! hi <3 i just taught myself mainly, but recently i’ve been using pinterest and youtube tutorials to help me with some new designs. i’ve been doing it for almost two and a half years so a lot of time and failures happened, and really they’re still happening! but i love creating and it’s really rewarding. honestly i always wanted to be a creative person, but i’m so bad at art. i tried my hand at making some necklaces and then just kept doing it!

i would say to keep going even if you feel discouraged. i’m still trying to find my style years later!! i’m not sure if you’re interested in selling but if you do go that route, don’t be discouraged by a lack of a following/sales, either. do what YOU like and what YOU think looks good bc it’s most important that you’re enjoying it!! it’s very easy to start too. you can go to michaels/any craft store and grab some gemstones or beads you like, some thin (28 gauge) wire, some jump rings, some clasps, and just start experimenting!

if you have any other specific questions don’t hesitate to dm me!! it’s hard to get started esp if you don’t know WHERE to start so i’m here for you!

#han talks #hehe i love talking about jewelry thanks for asking! i hope you give it a shot! #also this is cute but em lesbianrobin had so many good ideas for jewelry that honestly helped open some doors for me! #like wire rings and even those bar gemstone necklaces!! my biggest supporter <3

[enhaheeseung]

or maybe i'm just getting carried away 😂 idek if i can handle writing on top of my 2 jobs and making fanart, esp if i somehow manage to build an audience.

not that that's required! it'd just be nice to interact with people about smut and kinks and stuff outside of anon asks 🤷‍♀️

anyway, sorry for dumping this on you! (though i'd honestly still like to know about starting a fic blog... just in case)

- 🐋

So I’ll tell you how I started first and then I’ll throw in a few tips (but I’m definitely not who you should be asking about this lol)

When I first started I had no idea what I was even doing I didn’t know how to put links I didn’t know about proper warnings or how to add tags and images so I basically started from scratch with no knowledge

Which was highly frustrating at first but when my first fic reached 100 notes all of it seemed worth it

So I used that as motivation to continue writing fics and I slowly starting building an audience however just cause i got followers doesn’t mean my writing got better if anything it kinda got worse but I didn’t ponder on it any longer cause I knew I was capable of writing better than that

That being said it’s basically trial and error so don’t get discouraged when some works get more notes than the others sometimes it’s just cause it doesn’t show up in the tags (for whatever reason)

Bestie an audience is definitely a requirement (for me) I literally almost deactivated because of the lack of interaction I had cause basically if no one is reading what I post there was no point to even create a account and post it

As of late my notes and followers have decreased like crazy which is very discouraging to me and I haven’t had motivation to write for a long time and it’s hard to look past and keep writing but I’m trying

I know I’m getting ahead of myself when I say that seeings how you haven’t even started yet but I just want you to know some of the things that can happen after you start posting.

At first I thought it was fun just posting story’s for your bias and interacting with people however it’s not that cut and dry.

You might possibly have droughts where you don’t know what to write or how to write it which is was also very discouraging for me

In the beginning I didn’t realize how much effort you really had to put into writing even if it is something as unserious as smut is you still have to do research

Since I’ve been writing I’ve searched all kinds of things such as mental illness pregnancy sex positions you name it

So if you have an idea for a fic it’s not as easy to write it down on paper as it is to imagine it sometimes the wording is the hardest part of writing

Another big problem I faced was when I would read others work and compare myself to them wondering how they were getting so many likes and had so many followers yet I didn’t

That was just me being stupid though cause not everything I write is for everyone and look at me now 2300 followers and multiple fics with 1000+ notes

Not sure if I’m the only one who experienced this but it did effect my mental health in a way I was constantly trying to think of plots and I’d bang out 10k words in a day without rest and after awhile that had taken a toll on me especially with working and barely sleeping

And of course if any of this ever happens and you get discouraged you could always quit writing (I should have but I’m way too hard headed for that) but if something is causing you more harm than good I’d say drop it

I know I said way more than I should have but I’d just like to give you a little idea of how I started my journey

So now for a few tips I’d suggest starting with shorter fics to get comfortable with people seeing your content

Oh that’s another thing I was (and still am nervous about people seeing what my mind conjures up lol) but everyone that I’ve encountered has always been nice except a few hateful anons every now and then which I think every writer has atleast three hate anons so don’t sweat it

Second I’d find a plot that’s easier to write about that you don’t have to do so much research on to make it a better first experience for your first post

I’d find something that’s unique to you as well rather that be a nickname or saying.

So for me at the end of my post I’ll say have a good day / night and that quickly caught on with my followers as well something else was every time I changed my theme I’d change my heart color emoji so if I used blue my followers would use blue and if I used brown they would use brown etc so I think that’s a cute way to interact and have your own unique little signature

Before any of this though make sure you have a good understanding on how the app works (which I’m sure you do cause you post fanart) just learn as much as possible before posting it’s not like it’s the end of the world if you make a mistake but it’s a lot better knowing how to avoid those mistakes (also look at the structure of other blogs that helped me a lot)

So now I’ll break it down to some key points that I’ve covered throughout this post and things that I think a lot of us writer’s experience at some point

1 learn as much as you can before posting so you don’t hit a sang along the way and get caught up

2 don’t get discouraged if all your works do not do good everytime you post cause we’ve all been there no matter how many followers you have

3 don’t let numbers get to you they will come eventually just don’t give up

4 don’t compare yourself to other writers you’re good enough in your own way

5 do your research

6 you get a few haters but that’s just life

7 make something unique for your blog something that people will remember you by

8 be careful and don’t think too much while writing it’s supposed to be fun and if you ever don’t enjoy it take a break/ stop

9 if your first fic isn’t good don’t worry you get better with time and I’m living proof of that (let’s not mention my first fics lol)

10 if you have a plot but you’re not sure about it just post it it’s normal to feel nervous but just know most of the time it’ll be received well

I know I sound like a hypocrite cause I still even face some of these problems now but I just wanted to give you insight of what can happen along the way and that there’s more to fic writing than meets the eye

However this is just speaking from my personal experience you may never run into have of these problems but still

Anyways I hope I’ve helped in some way and I’m not just rambling on and on

And don’t apologize bestie there’s no need I love helping people if you have anymore questions feel free to ask🤍

One more thing I hope this didn’t scare you away from writing cause like I said this is just my personal experience

#ask #inbox #replies #🐋anon

[samplingmoonsters]

You response made me feel so wholesome! I feel so warm inside (i hope that's not weird to say) I was actually realy nervous about sending my ask.

The next chapter of man say hello sounds realy exiting! I already know it's going to be a joy to read.

You are actually the person that made me interested in reading stories that heavily feature second-hand embarrassment. I always though they were too embarrassing to read. But the feeling enhances your works.

It made me crave for more fics like yours. I don't know if you read slashes and ampersands by jirolicious but it realy reminds me for your writting! Top notch utilization of cringe

I'm sad to hear you had difficulties in the fandom. I tend to stay at the outskirts of most fandoms im in but i have heard the dsmp fandom can be an especially difficult environment.

It must be especially hard to deal with as a creator. In a fandom filled with young people that are in their first fan comunity and twitter puritans being a nsfw artist must be hell.

But your works really touched me, and I'm sure they touched others as well.

When i saw that English is not your first language under one of your fics it made me so motivated to work on my own stories. It's also my second language and i often worry that the fact I'm not a native speaker may be holding me back.

I'm the most comfortable writting in English but i worry i word things poorly. And reading your stories made me feel so secure. You write so beautifully.

Your works made me laugh, and the way you write second-hand embarrassment is so good i often have to put my phone down because i felt it so strongly.

It makes me think i can create too, and you also being a visual artist shows me i don't have to choose between the two crafts i love the most.

I hope you experience as much joy from creating as i do from experiencing your work.

Sincerely,

dust-anon

(I hope the essay long asks aren't coming off as creepy, i just have so many words in my head)

Hello dust-anon!! Sorry for the late reply! I've been busy as always haha! I read your message before going to an oral exam, it really gave me strength and confidence, and the feeling of being part of a community scattered around the world but still sharing a close kinship of some kind. Thank you again for your kind words!

Please don't worry about sounding creepy or off putting! I really value communication with my readers and I never found any of you creepy! It doesn't matter if people just ramble their ideas to me or write me a heartfelt message, I appreciate everyone's words :)

I'm happy to hear that u are looking forward to the next chapter! If it's done right, second-hand embarrassment can be weaponized perfectly to create an exciting chapter! Sadly I didn't read Jirolicious' story yet! But I will keep it in mind, and will make sure to check it out when I have the time 👏

About the whole twt drama and co... It's been somewhat annoying not gonna lie. As u said, it's the first fandom for many people and they don't know or care about the "fandom rules". I never have been in a fandom where there has been so much drama. Before this fandom I've also been more of a lurker, I'm not used to being in the spotlight like this. Kinda miss just being an unknown anon like u sometimes. But I guess I would have never met all those amazing people if I didn't have the courage to post my art and writing so I don't regret being here.

And I hope you also find the courage to post your stories or art! Create what makes you happy! There is no need to be bound to just one medium, spread your wings and try different things!

Thank you for praising my English! Yours is also very good from what I could tell through our messages :) Don't feel discouraged to write just because English is your second language!

Keep your head up and I hope we will talk again sometime! I wish you all the best! :) <3

#anon ask #dust anon🌫

[pepperonibread]

Writing/Art/Anything with ADHD and medicated anxiety.

Writing, creating art, or doing anything that I find remotely interesting has been a blip on the radar recently because of this. I've always dealt with these issues and have found ways to overcome them, but now that they're so bad I just don't have the drive or ability to do much anymore. The only time I really create anything is when the motivation hits me like a train (adhd hyperfixation, if you will), but it's always something simple or stupid because I know that if I try to make anything complex, it's just going to turn into a steaming pile of garbage that doesn't look as good or feel as nice.

It's really discouraging to not be able to create things when I really want to. It's hard to explain, but there's something so deeply satisfying about seeing your creation in the form you want it in and knowing you've made something that can bring joy to other people. I've always found myself gravitating toward stories or games that give me a similar feeling of accomplishment, but I kind of feel like I am on autopilot. I've been put on buspar again, after two years of being off of it, and it seems to be helping some, but I feel like my passion for all of this is still waning. I'm just worried that, if it continues, I'll never get that passion back, and I'll just continue to be stuck in this state where I'm not happy and not passionate about anything.

I hope you're doing better than I am. And the insomnia, don't get me started.

#rant #bean thoughts #sorry

[harajuku-cookie]

I'm sorry, I just need to let out some steam before I either lose my dinner or burst into tears.

I have been going through a really rough period in my life. Honestly it's been like that for a while now and it feels like whenever I try to fix things they just fall apart all over again. Or even if something good happens, it's like the universe has to balance out by having something bad happen right afterwards and honestly it makes things very discouraging. I mean, I still push myself to do stuff, even if I don't have the motivation because of my mental health or the energy because of my physical health, but god is it hard. And there's no one to rely on for help, but myself to get out of the hole.

I'm still dealing with the aftermath of cutting out my dad from my life, again. I've already tried doing it several times these past 6 years, but my mom has been dragging him back in because he's my dad and he needs to step up and act like it with me, blah blah blah, even though I've never needed him and still don't. At least after the passing of my half-sister this past October and him not having any kind of reaction about it finally got it through her head to stop pushing him back in my life and now I finally might have some peace. Maybe the decades old wound can finally heal and I can go on with my life. I still have flashbacks from time to time, but hopefully with time they'll go away.

And then there's also me stressing out about my upcoming surgery next month. It's gonna create a major change in my life, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but I've been fighting for this procedure for years now because I cannot handle being in so much agonizing pain anymore. I've lost so many years of my life to it and missed out on so much and I just want my life back. I have talked it out with my doctors and have gotten a second opinion and everything and I've never been more sure of anything in my life. But then there's people out there who make comments that I'm making a mistake, asking if there's other options (I've exhausted EVERYTHING already), or pitying me for what'll happen and saying things like, "Oh if only you had the money to create a backup option." Yeah, real nice coming from someone much more well off than me financially. Not that I even want that backup option in the first place.

Then there's me trying to make sure I'll have everything in time for the surgery. Honestly the post-op has me more worried than the actual surgery itself. What if I accidentally tear open my incisions? What if the major stitch tears and I end up needing emergency surgery before my organs fall out (it's rare, but it can happen)? What if I get a major infection? What if something happens and my mom, who's planning on being my caretaker, can't help me? I've been under anesthesia, but not under the knife, so that's why I have so many worries. I do have a cousin who has had the same procedure, just different method, and while it's nice to talk to her about this and feel reassured, the trauma she faced from it has made my mom worry, which in turn starts making me worry. But honestly, the thing that scares me the most is what if the surgery doesn't get rid of the pain? What if I'm stuck with the pain until I'm an old woman? I mean, there have been cases, but most of the ones I've read people have been saying they feel much better and they have their life back, so I'm trying to focus on those more instead.

And while I'm healing, I have to hurry up and find a very well paying job because bills are gonna stack up and the place I'm living in is crap and falling apart and the landlord hasn't done anything to fix it, despite multiple complaints from all the tenants, and will most likely need to move out and rent is super expensive right now. I feel like I'm not gonna even have time to breathe.

And finally, just in general, I've been feeling so alone and like a failure. People I used to know are in relationships or getting married, buying homes, traveling, going out and living life. Heck, even my best friend is doing pretty well and while I'm happy for them and I know life's not a race, I can't help but feel like I'm so behind and that I'm not doing things right. I barely talk to people, being chronically ill doesn't help, and when I get the chance it gets overwhelming sometimes and then I'm ignored and pushed to the side or I just sound like an idiot with my speech problem. It makes me just not want to say anything at all.

I just needed to get all of this off my chest. Life is rough right now and I feel like I'm stuck in a hole with no way of getting out, but I still feel in my heart that things will get better. I don't know when or how, but hopefully this year will be the year. I'll let myself cry it out for now, but then I have to get up, dust myself off, and keep moving forward like I've always done.

#vent #might delete later

[beautifulkitties12]

Welcome to my Ko-fi shop! I'm so glad you're here.

I'm always looking for new ways to share my art with the world, and I'm thrilled to partner with Ko-fi to bring my drawings to life on stickers, posters, and more.

I hope you love them as much as I do!

I'm really excited about my new line of stickers!

They're perfect for decorating your laptop, water bottle, or car. I also have a new line of posters that would look great in your home or office.

Clients can choose to buy any sticker they want, or they can purchase a bundle of stickers.

Clients are free to contribute whatever they want, no strings attached.

I appreciate your support, no matter how small. Every contribution helps me to create more art.

Clients can contribute with their hearts💕

I'm grateful for the opportunity to pursue my dream, and I'm excited to see what the future holds. I know that I can achieve anything I set my mind to, and I'm not going to give up until I reach my goals.

I'm passionate about creating products that make people happy. I want my products to bring joy to people's lives, and I want to make a difference in the world.

I'm not discouraged by the slow progress. I know that I'm on the right track, and I'm just going to keep working hard.

I'm trying to reach a specific audience, but it's hard to find them on social media. I'm still learning how to target my content.

I'm excited to see what the future holds, no matter what happens.

I'm confident that I'll be able to achieve my goals.

And I'm grateful for the support of my followers, friends and family!

I'm not going to let success or failure define me. I'm going to be proud of myself for trying my best.

Because I know that I'm a good person who is worthy of love and happiness.

I'm going to keep fighting for what I believe in

I know that I can achieve my dream of starting my own business if I never give up.

I won't give up on my dream no matter what.

I'm hopeful that I'll be able to buy a house in the future, but It's not going to be easy.

I'm not able to make that purchase.

I'm recently unemployed, and I'm still looking for a new job from my home

I'm grateful for your understanding.

I wish I had a place where I could be at peace.

I'm longing for a place where I can be with my loved ones and create memories that will last a lifetime.

I'm grateful for the support of my loved ones, who are helping me to find my way.

I'm worried about the future, so I'm trying to be prepared by saving money.

I know that I can achieve my financial goals if I just keep working hard and saving my money.

I'm not sure if I can make it, but I'm going to try my best.

I'm grateful for the support of my family and friends, who are helping me to stay motivated.

I will be persistent and never give up on my dream of creating comics, YCH, commissions, products and more!

I dream of becoming a seller of my own products, comics, and a YouTuber, TikToker, and active user of all social media platforms.

I'm passionate about creating products that are both stylish and functional.

I want to create stickers, books, posters, buttons and all products that are both original and stylish.

I want people to look at my products and smile.

I want to create comics that are both funny and thought-provoking.

I want people to read my comics and think about the world in a new way.

I want to be a YouTuber who makes people laugh.

I want to create videos that are entertaining and informative.

I want to be a TikToker who inspires people. I want to create videos that make people feel good about themselves.

I'm going to put in the hard work and dedication necessary to achieve my goals.

You can follow me on https://linktr.ee/Beautifulkittiesif you'd like to see more of my work.

I'm always happy to answer questions about my work on social media!

I appreciate your patience as I work through this difficult situation.

I just want to say I'm so glad that you're understanding, It means a lot to me!

I hope your day is filled with love and peace.

#art #digital art #ko fi #commission #ych #shop small

[remsmoonlight]

— title : a sweet truth

— word count : 2.1k words

— pairing : john wich x reader

— summary : you get an overwhelming need to share with John how you feel, unable to keep it to yourself anymore, leaving only the good to follow.

— warnings : none, issa soft one

note: my first one shot back and it’s john of course! anyways i need to binge the movies again because this man’s voice was difficult to master this time around, now i will be getting to requests now i have indulged myself oops

                    ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*   requests are open !   *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The dull crackle that runs mindlessly beneath the audio of the radio is the only sound that can be heard illuminating the space of the bedroom where you and John lay contently together. He’d offered to repair the object, or even buy another but you refused stubbornly — remarking that it gives it a certain endearing charm. You had joked that it reminds you of him. In the sense that while it has a flaw, it was able to bring joy and amusement to a person’s life. It’s humbling to know that even the John Wick was human, that he had his flaws despite being difficult to witness them in the flesh.

It took a lot for John to bare the darkest and most damaged parts of his conscience. He couldn’t go another day where his mind leapt endlessly to conclusions, his mind conjuring haunting images of your departing body that would eventually come to pass — to him, it was inevitable. He fully convinced himself he was hallucinating when you had not retreated in fear, with the look of disgust cosying up to your reflection, but the opposite. He is still a man greatly feared by a whole world beneath yours, yet you still gaze upon him with nothing but warmth.

You will your mind to focus on the words from the small object, yet it’s the heat that is emitting from his body in waves that prevent you from fully taking in what is being said, its presence doing more to provide white noise than entertainment. The minor glint in your gaze turns upwards to drag your sight across the body that half lays on top of you.

Like vines, to be found in a twist of limbs that would be almost difficult to distinguish what belongs to who is a common occurrence, the sense of shielded from the scorching realities that the world bares boldly is an addicting concoction that you can only find with him. Your heart swells tenfold at the mere thought of him and being here in such a simple way that holds so much affection just for two people.

“ What ? “

The suddenness of his voice lifts you from your thoughts that run their own race, a shy lift of your lips can be seen twirling gracefully in response.

“ Nothing, I’m just thinking. “

“ Thinking? “ he asks you, a light hint of laughter gently coating the question with a feather-like touch. “ Are you trying to scare me? “

Eyes widen in response to what he says, a heavy burst of air plummeting to the soft mattress below the two of you. “ Don’t be so rude! “ A short chuckle trails behind your reply, secretly loving the cheeky side of his personality coming out to peek out.

You’ve realised that he has a warmth whenever you’re together, but even still he maintains an air of such seriousness you’re surprised he has not collapsed under the pressure of holding such a wall up with his bare hands, these moments are the kind that you paint mentally — a still of this moment in a thousand shades of gold. Upon your first meeting of his, you’d never associate that with him, with how intimidating and stone faced he was, it would be a honeyed lie if someone would have described him in such a way but here he is. Not a honeyed lie but a sweet tasting truth that you never want to be without again.

“ I’m sorry. “ he apologises as the amusement in his tones still very much present that would aim to refer to him as a hypocrite, but it’s not spoken with vitriol, his words directed towards you rarely contain any harshness. “ Tell me, I’m curious. “

It’s a minor debate that dances with only itself, zig zagging with a biro pen that creates a mess of lines converging at multiple points to create a tangle plot point that should not be as complicated as it’s being made out. Neither of you have muttered the L word, not even under your breath in passing and the one dominating emotion you can feel overwhelming your body entirely is incredibly close to it.. but is it too soon? Even as a description? It’s a fear you can feel tickling your neck from behind, whispering stained words of discouragement, but if you have learnt anything, it’s that hiding your feelings will be worse off in the long run. Never can a human being strive for the euphoria of authentic happiness clutched in their fist when they lock away their thoughts and their desires in a box to gather age and dust — leaving behind a hollow shell of what could have been had it the opportunity to bud and grow.

“ Well.. “ you begin, your sight lowering to meet the sight of his neck, unable to look him in the eyes fully and you approach the topic. “ I was thinking about you. “

“ Yeah? “

“ I’m just.. happy. More than I thought I could be and it’s you I have to thank. “ Your shoulders shrug as best they can from your position laying down on the bed.

“ I think I should be the one saying that. “ he replies softly, his words ringing truer than they could ever be realised to be as he leans down to leave behind a ghost of a peck behind your ear. It’s an action that is short and sweet.

Never did John imagine himself being rewarded for being the architect in more tragedies and more horrors than he could ever recall. Though, he soon realised your presence was rather the opposite, a ticket to a greener field void of bloodied bargains and death, and should he keep you in his life that would be an opportunity he would not let pass him by in a sea of missed chances left to drown due to his lack of motivation. He gazes upon you fondly in affection, a hand reaching up to draw mindless circles in the back of your hair, memories of his last bargain to leave his previous life playing before him as if an old gritty movie.

“ Stop it, John. I haven’t done a thing! “ your nose wrinkles as you refute what he says with a bashful glint that explodes in your gaze. After all the time you’d spent together and you still refuse to see yourself in the way John has painted you in —

“ You’ve done more for me than you realise. “

It feels like yesterday you shared your first kiss, fondly remembering how you’d mentally remarked that it’s so unfair that what is between you should be so perfect, a cruel joke were it not to work out. Though your heart is full of gratitude when you still tell yourself that not a worry should be had, your need for a physical reminder as you move your hand to his clothed back — bringing him closer as if to burn a permanent reminder into your fingertips.

“ I guess that’s why we compliment each other so well, huh? “

A wispy sigh plummets, your thoughts and emotions mixing more and more into a blend of intensity as you fully realise just how much you have fallen and adore the man who shares your bed. It has been such a long time you have had these emotions to this degree rouse from, what has felt like, an endless slumber. Yes, there had been a few who had caught your eye, but compared to the substance that has been created and nurtured from you both, they had nothing more than a water drop in a boundless and enduring sea. It’s a hope of yours that you don’t look foolish before him, getting so emotional over something like this, you scold yourself mentally — trying to pull yourself together before you completely crumble.

“ What’s wrong? “

“ It’s nothing, really. “ you shake your head, accompanying the almost denial. You want to let everything in your heart free, but the question is how to without scaring him off. There’s not much that can scare him, but you’d rather not throw a spanner in the flawless equation.

“ You don’t have to tell me, but it might help if you do. “ John lends a soothing weight in your hand as he interlocks your fingers together, leaving the choice completely up to you, refusing to force you to share something that is so personal to you. “ it’s your call. “

“ It’s nothing crazy.. “

The side of John’s brain that has been hardwired to jump to every scenario imaginable — good and bad, is running rampant. Itching to be prepared so nothing is able to disrupt the perfect day dream of a life that had only been made available through television shows and movies, now that he has it, every day he promises to never let it be ruined. Nothing good can ever occur from ripping away the first drop of water that touches a person starved of it for days, only a troublesome path of anger can walk that path on its twisted and turned limbs.

“ I think it’s time that I tell you how I feel, “ you state, your lips almost devouring your lips by how hard they bite them, a lost thought of how you have not drawn a drop of blood seeping into irrelevancy. “ how I really feel. “

“ Right? “

For the first time, John is completely unable to get a read of you. The apprehension that is emitting off you in strong waves is not something that comforts him fully, though the fact that you speak not from anger and have opted to stay in your current position as opposed to fleeing is the only source of relief he can continue to draw energy from. Curiosity is the only thing that dominates his mind, wanting desperately to hear the next part of your statement.

In his silence, your brows furrow purely from your own thoughts. Mainly in the wonder of how you can approach this while sounding as if you have capacity and are not obsessed with him as some are with their idols. You know that would be something that would probably scare him off. Your fingertips lay a random beat on the top of his hand, you nestle closer to him as to make yourself comfortable — this does feel like the right time. Should it not? You remind yourself that it is part of a plan that the universe has for you, that it is part of a bigger picture you are not allowed to know until the final moment.

“ I just, “ you pause, blinking as you gather your thoughts and your words further. “ It’s been a long time since I’ve felt anything remotely close to this. “

Your words are like a cozy kiss goodnight before two lovers depart until the next time they see each other, a warmth that slowly grows in his heart overspills at the sentiment you individually wrap with each word you speak. He can’t help but tip his head ever so slightly, to take in every detail on your features — in his mind, nothing is more so perfect than this moment.

“ What I’m trying to say is, and you don’t have to say anything — “ the rambling leaves your lips so effortlessly, as if to savour the last few moments of normally before the inevitable confession. “ I can’t help but realise how much I am in love with you. “

His eyes widen instantaneously as his features follow suit, his lips part in surprise. With how your speech had begun, it should not have come as a surprise, yet to hear it from your lips is as pleasant as the final summer’s day, surrounded by warmth and an impenetrable energy that shields you from any harm that would befall you. He’d lived the life of a haunting ghost story that it soon became a belief that he was a monster, to hear you in this moment recite something so real is something that is difficult for him to wrap his head around. Maybe he isn’t a monster that has made its peace with the darkness, that there is more for him as a person.

The emptiness is soon replaced by a soft weight on your lips, he has leans down to join you — unable to fight the desire to savour the taste of him as you often do when you kiss. It’s a fight you have not yet one, and it’s a fight you imagine you would prefer losing. Time is no longer a concept, you’re too wrapped up in the concept turned reality that is John Wick, only are you able to concentrate on the burning that his free hand leaves as they slide up and down your waist. If this is a dream, neither of you want to awaken.

“ Who says I’m not feeling the same as you? “

#John Wick imagine #John Wick x reader #john wick oneshot #john wick fanfic #john wick fanfiction

[now-im-a-belieber]

Hii❤️ can j please request "i love you so much that it terrifies me" with Bill? Thank you❤️

prompt: "i love you so much that it terrifies me"

bill guarnere x female!reader

a/n: annnnd im back to writing angst! don't worry the ending is mostly happy and i kind of have an idea for a part 2?! but here's this for now, i'm kinda proud o' this one!

taglist: @capsparkyspeirs @wecomrades @tvserie-s-world @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant

══════════════════

Your enlistment was nothing short of a miracle.

It happened during the last attempt you'd given yourself out of about a dozen other times. The officer, who'd become used to you storming up to his desk every other day, sighed upon noticing your return this time. Until then, he'd only ever glance your way and then back down at whatever work lay upon his desk. But this time, he sighed. 

Hell, so what if you'd worn him down more so than convinced him you were fit to fight? He'd finally agreed to let you sign your name on the dotted line. 

"Fine." The officer said. "You wanna prove something so badly, go on, prove it." And he went on to ramble about how he wouldn't be surprised to find you back home in a week's time after failing to meet any requirements at Toccoa. 

"War is no place for women." He huffed, finally. 

"Then I'd better hurry and get out there. Since anyone who shares your ideals clearly has no fight left in them on the behalf of people like me."

You brushed off his discouragement and marched home to the beat of your ever quickening heart. Bill was certainly going to have a lot to say about this. But so were you... 

He was packing when you arrived. There were no more days left until Bill was due at the training camp. Just one night's rest. The last night you'd planned to spend together for only God knew how long.

But before any goodbyes could begin, you hovered in the bedroom doorway with news to share. Better to get this out in the open and out of the way... 

"I got in." You breathed, stood with the confirmation papers in your vice grip, like if you let go of them they'd cease being tangible. 

"You got in?" Bill repeated in monotone. You weren't expecting a fight. You'd actually thought Bill would burst at the seams with pride and joy, like he said he would when you first wondered aloud, if your joining up was wise.

But then he repeated the same sentence in some kind of realization. And there was a smile affecting his tone as he spoke in the charming draw you'd always adored. He abandoned his poorly packed bags and swept across the room to stand before you, with a gleam in his eye. And then came his rambles of praise and excitement. Telling you he knew you'd make it. Telling you he'd be right behind you every step, ready to give hell to anyone who might try and break you down along the way.

You let your man fawn and flatter you, but knew this night couldn't end without  making yourself perfectly clear.

"That's the thing though." You revealed with a shaky breath. You hadn't thought much about how to say this. But you knew you had too. 

"Your help.... I don't think it would help. Bill, I have to do this on my own. The officer's right. I *do* have something to prove. And I don't want anyone thinking I made it to where I'm headed because my boyfriend knocked enough barriers out of my way." 

You didn't wanna fight. You desperately didn't want this to be a fight. But this was something you were sure of. So you braced yourself at the sight of your man's jaw clenching. 

And there was no hiding the flash of sadness in Bill's eye's, though sadness for what, you couldn't be exactly sure. As you held your breath, you watched as Bill slowly relaxed his shoulders. And through the pregnant silence that had settled, he reached out to you and said, "Alright, doll." 

"Alright?" You wondered in suspicion. That was almost too easy.

"I know you ain't gonna change your mind about somethin' this important to ya." Bill pointed. 

So then it was decided. You'd be headed to the same place with the same goal with the person you'd loved longer than you had fingers to count on. But you wouldn't let on that you'd known Bill long before stepping foot onto the camp grounds. After a while longer of your making your aspirations clear, Bill promised he understood. And you hoped your selfish determination wouldn't be misconstrued. 

And still, your man went on another monolog about how proud of you he was. 

"But if ya think I won't be around every corner waitin' up to steal you away, you'd better think again." Bill kissed your head and coaxed you to bed, reminding you this was the last of night's like these. 

So you stayed entirely swept up in Bill's orbit. Talk of what things would be like quickly washed away by your appreciation for the moment Bill implored you to stay focused on. This was the last of night's like these indeed...

///

He'd been at Toccoa for a week already. You realized entirely, that your late joining would affect you just as negatively as every other aspect of your joining at all. 

But this only made you want it worse than ever. Not just to prove yourself. Not just to prove others wrong. But you felt the desire to be a part of this for reasons much more profound than you'd ever had the means to understand for yourself, let alone explain to anyone. 

So you followed every rule like it was do or die. From which path to walk to find your barracks- to the drills you were sent to practice before you'd so much as stepped out of the cab ride here. 

And to your surprise, you seemed to blend into the background of things. There were no gasps or whispers traded as you found your place among the men. 

It was hard to tell if they could care less about your presence, or if they collectively, subconsciously, decided to freeze you out; finding it the easiest way to focus on reigning supreme themselves. 

And it was just as you'd gotten used to the silence you'd been receiving, when you saw him. Your man. Your Bill, yakin' with some fellas who reminded you of the kids you'd hung around the school yard with, back home. 

And at the sight of the man you'd loved for so long, after a fortnight gone from his side, you were inclined to run into his loving arms- despite your fuss made about keeping a distance. 

And then he saw you, too. And the bunch he was with had begun walking off. Bill seemed to turn, to follow along, in a moment that sent your heart to plummet. But over his shoulder Bill shot you a wink and a sly smile. 

And something about the smile he gave you beyond the space he respected made your heart rise back up and melt all the while. And you realized he was completely on your side. How did you get so lucky?

Things went on like that for a couple weeks. Most of the company would pay you no mind. This meant your accomplishments seemed invisible and the times you might've been bold enough to ask for a helping hand fell on deaf ears.

But some started to pester you, unable to hold back their snide remarks any longer. An odd pride swelled within you, when your existence started becoming meaningful enough to irk them. And eventually, a few of the sweeter souls seemed to recognize that you were, in fact, a human, just as eager to be a part of the great big fight as they were. 

So with the few friends you'd made, you'd found occasional moments of respite side by side. But of course, there was one soldier who managed to hold your attention everyday- though you were damn good at pretending this wasn't so.

Bill, on the other hand, couldn't be stopped from shouting encouragement across obstacle courses and casting longing stares across the dining hall. And some of the guys you'd started getting on with kept cracking jokes about how Bill must've had some secret crush on you. In a way, they weren't wrong. And the whole act was almost a little bit fun.

Bill went as far as introducing himself to you, acting a bigger flirt than you'd ever recalled him acting when he was very first pursuing you- which was really saying something. 

And when the pair of you managed to sneak off on those weekends you were set free, it was almost as if you'd never been parted at all. Bill would trace patterns across your skin and laugh with you about nothing into the night, like always. 

And every one of those rare opportunities ended by you asking if he was still alright with this whole strange arrangement you'd created. And Bill assured he was fine to sit back and watch you out run easy company's fastest sprinters, and give Shifty's near perfect shooting record a little competition. Bill knew you were on a personal mission to accomplish all the things you knew you could, without any implications. But you *were* starting to miss him.

Because those days and nights where you got to steal a moment of Bill's time were becoming sparse. And your rough plans together were almost always thwarted- by surprise drills and punishments. 

And it came as a shock to no one that you'd most often get the worst of it from Sobel. His unhinged language somehow sunk lower when aimed at you. You knew his demeaning of your gender was intended to break you down. But you didn't let it. His discipline was often set up for you to fail, and make a fool of yourself. But you powered through the worst of it, and shot the bastard a grin each time you managed to come out on top of each ridiculous task. If you hadn't been motivated to push yourself before, you'd become mad to gain power by now.

Trouble was, on the few nights Bill made a point to sneak into your bunk, there was just no time for much besides dutifully listening to him drone on about how he missed you.

You'd been made to double your workload when everyone else got the rare chance to take it easy.  And during then, Bill sought you out, like he once promised he would. And though you couldn't help but appreciate the nights he offered to stay up with you; to help finish some nightmarish task made to drive you to throwing in the towel- you sent him away. Bill would argue that any fight you had to face was his fight too. And you argued back that you thought he'd promised he understood that you were dead set on coming through this on your own.

Some mornings he'd let his hand squeeze your own below the table in the dining hall; while the others were busy fighting over desserts. But you eventually started shooting down Bill's attempts to display even the smallest affection- feeling strangely endangered by and entirely undeserving of his kind attention, at least until you earned your wings. 

Those moments were already so few. And eventually they ceased all together, and the weeks started to fly by. Before you knew it, the time that had passed almost seemed to push the two of you further apart. Bill would be sent on one exercise while you were banished elsewhere. And on and on, until d-day.

As you slipped into your gear, a pit grew in your gut. Not for fear of what might be to come, but because you couldn't find Bill. And you *needed*to find him before thing's got even more complicated.

The sight of the man boarding a separate plane only brought you a blink of relief. But hardly so, it was no goodbye. Only confirmation that he was headed toward the same fate as you.

You were pushed onto your own flight, and the worry within you increased ten fold.

As the plane idled, some men chattered to ease their nerves. Their conversation had passed through one of your ears and out of the other, until you heard Bill's name repeated a couple of times. 

"What's his problem? Seems to be more of a bitch than usual." One of them griped, wondering about the state of your man. It made you sick to realize you hadn't been near enough to him to realize he'd been in a strange mood, for a while.

"Yeah, well you'd be a bitch too if you found out your brother died, just before your flight out to hell." Johnny Martin pipped up. His tone more defensive than usual. You couldn't help but gawk at the peevish soldier who'd often, perplexingly, been kind to you. Had he really just said what you thought he said?

"Bill's brother?" You begged to know, trying quickly to hide the way your face fell. 

"Yeah. He was killed in Italy, somewhere." Martin informed, keeping a quizzical eye on you. 

"I see." You played, shoving all the terror and hurt deep deep down. There simply was no time to feel such things, and certainly not enough time for an explanation, should you start to lose it a little.  

Before you knew it you were rocketing toward the ground and scrambling through tall grass to find a familiar face. Smoke and flames led your way, and one day and night passed before you saw your man again- two days that seemed to pass slower than years and decades. 

And when you did spot Bill, he was relaxing with some of the others on the steps of a blown up building; and some horrid resistance within you grew stronger than the usual natural instinct to run into his embrace. The mixed emotions caused a cry to lodge itself in your throat, but you wouldn't let it out of course. 

And by then Bill had made his way close enough to you to notice the sheen of tears you were reluctant to let fall.

"Still blerry eye'd from that shit storm we dived into, huh?" He nudged your side with his elbow and the smile he wore was gentle and encouraging despite the mayhem that had shadowed your senses, and his no doubt, for days now.

"You didn't tell me about your brother." You spoke in a whisper that came out in more of a hiss, unintentionally. 

"Yeah, well you didn't tell me goodbye. But who's countin'?" Bill shot back, not speaking in anger so much as dejection. The two of you stood holding each others gaze for the first time in longer than just the two days you'd been separated. 

"So what are we gonna do?" Bill wondered. But the ending of his statement was drowned out by the officers shouting for your company to fall out. 

And for weeks that was as good as it got. The looks you shared across rooms were scant. And if there was ever time you might've had to find each other and sort things, you didn't take it- too terribly afraid he'd tell you how horribly you'd been treating him and break your heart in the middle of this already loveless bedlam.

It was all your fault, creating this chasm between the two of you and having no clue how to close it up. You'd walked around it many a time and met on the edge but the space was only growing.

The distance you insisted upon at first was never supposed to last this long but it seemed to have found a permanent place between you.

And what was worse, were the instances Bill found himself at your side- sharing silence on patrols and long rides from one place to another.

He was right in your reach. Just like he promised to always be. But that only made the storm of emotion within you seem to rage even wilder. 

By the time your company had reached Belgium, you'd convinced yourself that everything you'd once shared with Bill was long gone. For all the times you failed to reach out to him, Bill seemed to pass up reaching out to you all the same.   

Until one night. You were headed back from viewing some old film with a few of the guys who'd become used to your presence. There were still a few troopers who grimaced at the sight of you mixed in battle near them. But there were more who'd been proud to fight beside you, and invited you to take in a film on one lucky night off. 

Bill was among them, listening to their banter while you lagged behind the bunch. You'd been certain that he'd finally crossed over to the side if the men who'd found it easier to turn a blind eye your way. But then

your crew rounded the corner of some weather worn barn. And Bill broke away from the group and stopped you from walking on-  grabbing you by the elbow and gently holding you to stall.

"Bill, I don't think-" you began, croaking past the ever present lump in your throat. Worried that the others would hear should you start to bicker. You didn't care what they knew, anymore. Only hoped to prevent any further upset. There was already so much sorrow you're lot had to carry and sort through.  And selfishly, you couldn't dream of stirring up any more upset. 

"Shaddup. This ain't how it's gonna be no more." Bill returned, his voice full and insistent. He still held one of your arms and brought his other hand to follow suit. 

You were too stunned by his insistence and his closeness after so much confusion that you keep your mouth shut. 

"I miss you, damn it."

Your brow furrowed at his gentle confession and your mouth hovered open. Too many words jammed in your throat but you manage to stammer out the one's that reign truest.

"I miss you too." 

Bill's worry seemed to fade into relief. His eyes shut as he brought his lips to your head, like he always used to do. And you let him.

"Well, we can't have that." You closed your eyes then, as he spoke against your temple and ran his hand up to your shoulders, bringing his fingers to hold your face. You let Bill lean in for a real kiss, feather light and sweet as ever. And you didn't try and stop as he followed behind on your decided way back toward your billet. 

But as you turned the corner at last, a drunken member of your company stopped you from walking further.

Cobb stood in the middle of the rest of the path, sipping from a foreign bottle. He never liked you much. Before you could shove past the guy, he spoke up.

"Who the fuck do you two think you are?" Cobb spat, eyeing Bill past your shoulder. "What makes either of you think you deserve happiness, let alone love? In the palm of your hand in the middle of all this? It's audacious. You disgust me." Perhaps Cobb had seen the way Bill had only just so tenderly held you. Or perhaps he was just on another senseless bender.

Either way, you let your eye's roll and breezed on by, leaving the drunken fool behind. He didn't let Bill pass so easily, though, slurring something about your character in the face of the man who'd so far unconditionally loved you. 

"Get fucked, Cobb. Maybe that stick up your ass'll come lose, then." Bill pushed past the soldier who'd been insulted enough to shut his mouth. But his alcohol fueled barb rang in your ears the rest of the walk to the place you were headed.

The walk was quiet. And you debated over speaking your mind even as you crept into the room. It had to be done, you realized. The room was empty of listening ear, and equipped with a door to shut the world out. You and Bill hadn't had many chances like this in a year or so. And you knew fate had designed this opportunity, a chance to finally say everything that you hadn't been able to. 

"Bill." You stared, turning to face your man after you'd turned the lock on the door. He stood with his arms crossed as if to brace for impact. 

"Maybe Roy wasn't wrong."

Bill shook his head as you spoke and met you in the middle of the room where you'd stood.

"I just got you back. You're nuts if ya think I'm gonna let you slip away from me again."

"But I didn't slip away!" You corrected with urgency. "I pushed you away. More than a couple of times!" 

"Maybe, but you had a good reason." Bill  assured, his eyes going wide under his strong furrowed brow. 

"No, I had a selfish reason. And Cobb might be a drunk asshole but he's right! I don't deserve you, not now!"

"Fuck that guy. He gets a say in what happens to us? Don't fuckin' think so. You're not walkin' away from me after all this time just cause some pessimistic asshole-"

As Bill shouted, you lost all the strength you'd been enforcing to keep from falling apart over this. Your throat burned as a pathetic sob escaped and hot tears ran down your face. 

What had started as some mechanism you'd used to get through training turned into something bigger and uglier. This was war. This was what it turned you into. Some selfish monster greeded for more credit when you'd already earned your place. 

You'd pushed Bill away time and again and you knew he had to be near his breaking point. He proved so tonight, by grabbing you close and demanding you not stray so far again, like you'd ever really come back from doing so.

And what was worse than the realization that you'd pushed him away, was the realization that Bill might not always come back. And what if you couldn't change? What if, on your road back to being less selfish, he'd finally realize you weren't worth the chase?

"I fucked up." You admitted, heaving the realization through sobs. "Oh God, Bill, please don't leave me."

"Hello? You heard a thing I've been sayin'?" Bill rang, reaching out to you much like he did not even an hour ago. One set of fingers came to lovingly brush the tears still rolling from your eyes. And then he held your head in his hands so you'd look at him as he spoke up. 

"It's always gonna be you. That's what I'm put here fightin' for. Even when you get all determined and leave me in the dust. Hell, I'm so in love with you it terrifies me, doll. Scares me that one day you'll get too good at bein' on your own, and leave me, all alone, still be fightin'." Bill poured forth, searching your gaze as he spoke. 

"Point is, I'll always be on your team. You just gotta let me stay cheerin' you on, damn it."

You nodded and tried to swallow your emotions to no avail. And finally just let yourself cry again as you repeated to Bill how sorry you were. He wrapped you in his embrace and let you lose it. 

"I'll do better." You swore, meeting his eyes. 

"Just feel better, for now, huh? That'll make me a happy man." 

You didn't deserve Bill. But damn it, if he'd still have you, you'd be right there ready to cherish his very existence with each set and rise of the sun. You both agreed that there was no way either of you could make it through the rest of this hell without one another close by. 

And you figured some of the guys had already pieced together that there was something between you and the man with an unforgiving nickname. And, apparently, Bill had entrusted Babe Heffron with his entire life story by now. That explained the curious glances the replacement had now and again thrown your way.

To hell with what anyone might've made of the two of you. To hell with any future or past where Bill wasn't in step with you. 

The next night your company was hauled off toward the forest without a coat to trade between the lot of you. Teeth chattered and breath fogged the freezing air. But Bill clasped his hand in yours, and an incomparable warmth spread across everything that made you whole. 

Some new kid was the subject of the company's pestering tonight, but it hardly lasted. Spirit's settled and someone near the front of the ride seemed to rhetorically wonder about home, and what it would be like to get back.

Some men answered, voicing hopes and dreams of the future. You only turned to look right at Bill, who already had his sights set on you. And then you realized, nothing much had really changed. You'd always been lucky with Bill at your side. God how you'd be glad to let it last...

#bill guarnere #bill guarnere x reader #bill guarnere imagine #band of brothers

[twistedtummies2]

Can I just ask how you make your ocs interesting? I’m trying to make my own Twst oc and he’s going to be a big eater himself, so what qualities could I give him to make him seem interesting?

Ooooh...okay, this is a HARD one to answer. So...buckle in, this will proooobably be long. 'XD First and foremost...I never SET OUT to make my characters "interesting." If...that makes sense? Here's the thing about writing advice from me: I'm bad at it. LOL It's not like writing is easy for me (it REALLY isn't) and it's not like there aren't certain things I try to keep in mind and ideas and concepts and even rules I follow...it's just that, in the moment of creating a character, I'm usually just...creating a character. And how that happens can work in a variety of different ways. Also, what makes a character "interesting" can be so many different things. It's not like there's some magic wand of interesting-making-power that I have. So...I guess what I can tell you is that there are a few things I keep in mind when I'm making my own TW OCs. The main ones, that is - including my preds and Chief Jehan (since he's the only recurring non-pred OC I have in my gallery CURRENTLY; I have another I'm actually planning to write about after I finish Nakoda's next big work, WHICH WILL BE DONE, I PROMISE YOU). First of all, I don't know if your OC is a TRUE OC or based on a Disney character. There are, of course, original characters in TW: Jack doesn't seem to come from anywhere specific, and it's hard to tell with several other characters. For example, most of the Heartslabyul students are clearly based on the Card Guards from Alice in Wonderland, but those characters in the film (and book) are really one solid unit, so they really do come across as original characters with a Card Guard motif beyond anything else. If your character is purely original, all you have to do is make sure they fit the style of this universe. If your OC is - as all of mine so far, and most in general, tend to be - a reimagining of a popular Disney Villain or other Disney Character, then you first have to look at what makes this villain who they are. All of the Night Raven students who are based on such characters - and that is the vast majority of them - have the sort of creative DNA of those characters in their personalities, motivations, and even appearance. Even with someone like Idia, there's a little something of Hades there; Leona takes a LOT from Scar; Azul goes in a somewhat different direction from Ursula (he's more like Mephistopheles or an old-time-gangster), but the basic idea of his modus operandi and elements of his look are found with her, as well. See what elements you think are most important to keep or throw out. And you WILL have to throw stuff out: the Disney Villains are usually pure evil. That's part of their appeal. Very few of them have much empathy or sympathy, what makes them interesting is usually just how much they ENJOY what they do, and how creatively they're handled, and how delectably they're voiced. No one watches Scar kill his own brother and try to murder a small child and thinks he's in the right; that's about the point where we stop finding him funny and instead think he's a right old git. But OH, how we love watching "Be Prepared," how we love seeing him toy with and tease people, and how we relish how much FUN Jeremy Irons is clearly having with every SYLLABLE of his dialogue. With Twisted Wonderland, the whole point of the "villains" of Night Raven is they really aren't villains at all. They're not always good people, but they aren't always bad, either. They all have sad and sympathetic origin stories, they all have understandable reasons for why they do the terrible things they do, and we like to see how they learn from their mistakes and even become friends and helpers to us. They are rounded, flawed people, not demons or lost causes. Your OC should be the same: someone the audience can understand on a fundamental level and find a way to latch onto. These characters can be dangerous, at times downright evil, but they should also be characters we care about: that's a BIG part of their identity, pretty much universally. Going back to Scar: with Leona, the first big change for his character is that he

legitimately cares for his family. Yes, he's annoyed by his nephew, and yes, he resents his big brother, but he makes it clear (perhaps without trying to, because Chernabog forbid he ADMITS having empathy) he does still love them. That, ultimately, above all else, is what separates him from his inspiration: Scar will kill and backstab anyone and enjoy it. Leona still has the capacity to care about other living creatures. Find what makes your inspiration tick, and then "twist" it up: if they're greedy, WHY are they greedy? If they're gluttons, is there anything you can add to that? If you can't find a way to justify your character, then you should probably consider trying a different one. Also, do try to stick with Disney characters. I guess there's nothing to say you can't do other franchises and such, but it feels like cheating to me to include non-Disney properties in a place like this. Then again, Disney freaking owns HALF THE BLOODY PLANET at this point, so that won't be too hard, I guess. :P Anyway...one last word of note: one very hard part is finding a way to make your character unique. I've come to find people have actually made a few different Kaa OCs, but none are the same as Nakoda. If you're familiar with people doing a lot of different versions of the same character, then make sure you're doing something that is truly your own: don't just riff off of someone else's work. Nako may be based on the same character as some of those others, but he's aaallllll mine. If you're not aware of it...then don't worry about it! Don't look it up, don't be discouraged, don't fret! Trust me, the more you freak out about if other people have had the same idea, the less inclined you'll be to try, and/or the more influenced you'll be. Just do what YOU like best. On top of that, be careful your character isn't too similar to other characters within the TW universe: one of the reasons I haven't and likely may not ever make a Shere Khan OC is because, as of now, I don't really know what I'd do with Shere Khan that other characters don't already have, on several levels. I love Shere Khan - he's one of my favorite Furry Preds - but I don't know what I'd do to make him all my own and make him different from both the canon cast and the OCs I've already planned or created. Again, you want your character to stand out and be all your own, as well as fitting for this universe. After all that...it's all aesthetics. Their powers, their designs, their names...maybe you have those ideas first, maybe you don't know yet. It doesn't really matter where you start - Billy and Nako both started with plot concepts, Eli and Reno both started with a desire to make OCs based on certain characters - but the basic idea is, what makes a TW OC interesting is this blend of elements: they need to be unique, and they need to be understandable, and they need to fit the rules and ideas of this world. I could say SO much more, but this post is lengthy enough, and I'm under medication, so I've probably been rambling for too long as it is. 'XD If you have any other questions I can answer more easily, you're always welcome to send them along.

#ask #answer #twisted wonderland #ocs #disney #writing

[zykaben]

Hi! I’m currently trying to write my Swatch/Grillby fanfic and I currently have 788 words (my goal is roughly 3k a chapter) You’ve already made multiple fanfics with 2k+ words each. How do you write so much? Is there just a headspace you get into? Sorry, I’m just really wondering how you’re able to write that quickly whereas I’ve gotten less than a thousand in twoish days. (Also just wanted to say, really loved the fics!)

First, thank you so much for reading my Swatchby fics!! I recognize your username from the comments you left and I really appreciate the support!

As for your question, I've been wondering that myself.

It's been years since I've written so much over such a short period of time. I think that in the end, it really does come down to headspace. I still don't really know exactly how I got here myself, but I know that the feedback I've been getting (way more than I would expect from a rare pair) has gone a long way into keeping me motivated.

I know how discouraging it can be for me when I feel like I'm not writing fast enough, but it's important to keep in mind that any amount of words that you put down onto the page is a good amount. Sometimes we don't realize how much writing we're actually doing—we get stuck rephrasing a single sentence ten times, we wrack our brains for that one perfect word that we can't quite remember, we get hung up on how dialogue sounds, or we re-read what we already have to make sure that the sentences have enough variety. Even if the word count isn't going up, you're still writing.

You just gotta keep creating and, if you can, find other people who will help encourage you. Sometimes just talking to people about what you want to be writing can be super helpful (and that's writing, too! Planning stuff out also counts as writing!).

TL;DR, the stars finally aligned for me on this rare pair for some reason, and getting to the right headspace is important, but it can be really hard to summon. Writing is hard and takes a lot of time, energy, and creativity. Anything that you end up creating will always be a net positive. Sorry if any of this came off as preach-y xD

Also, I am super stoked to see what your Swatchby fic will turn out to be once you decide to post it!! I'm really looking forward to your fic :D

#zyka rambles #i hope this helps? even if it wasn't in the way you were looking for #ask

[moons-and-stars-and-shit]

Hii congrats on 300! I was wondering if I could get a star matchup? My sign is Capricorn and I ship myself with Atsumu

Once again congratulations and I hope you have an amazing day 😊

𝕊𝕥𝕒𝕣 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕦𝕡 𝕎𝕚𝕥𝕙 𝔸𝕥𝕤𝕦𝕞𝕦 ♎︎♑︎

𝑃𝑙𝑎𝑛𝑒𝑡𝑠 🪐

Libra is ruled by the Planet Venus (Love)

Capricorn is ruled by Planet, while Saturn is cold, hard and masculine.

These Planets don’t have much in common so it’s important for Libra and Capricorn to work through their differences.

Venus encourages Libra to slow down to take in the beauty and romance life offers; this can come across as laziness to Capricorn, whose Saturn influence lends them that dogged determination to push forward against all odds and succeed at the goals they set for themselves.

These two Planets can work at cross-purposes, creating antagonism, strife and repressed emotions unless Libra and Capricorn make a concerted effort to understand and accept one another’s focus in life.

Capricorn must take care not to discourage Libra from their natural enthusiasm and optimism, and Libra must put their natural diplomacy to use in order to maintain balance with Capricorn.

𝐸𝑙𝑒𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑠 🔥💧���🌬

Libra is an Air Sign and Capricorn is an Earth Sign.

Libra relies on their intellect in life; their sensibilities are attuned to aesthetics, a subject on which a true Libra always has lots of opinions.

Capricorns rely on brain power as well, but of a different sort; they search for the pragmatic method in all they do, and may not feel they have time to dabble in aesthetics.

If these two can learn to work as a team, they could form two sides of a coin, so to speak.

𝑇𝑟𝑢𝑠𝑡 🤞

A strange thing in a relationship of Libra and Capricorn is a really high level of trust between them.

Even though Libra can sometimes have questionable motives, a Capricorn partner will make them turn to Saturn completely and feel guilty at the smallest glimpse of a possible lie.

The only possible problem surfaces when Capricorn is too strict from the start, making their Libra partner feel inadequate, judged, or even scared of the consequences of their actions.

This could make their relationship dishonest, not because there is actually something to hide, but because Libra partner feels the need to protect themselves by holding on to their privacy.

𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 🤝

We wouldn’t say that Libra is that stubborn, but when they find themselves in a relationship with a Capricorn, they suddenly become headstrong and sometimes even impossible to talk to.

Even though Libra loves Capricorn because of Saturn’s exaltation, this is shown in the most unusual way, for they seem to feel the need to speak out of spite.

This can be a long battle, with no winners or losers, simply two people always building walls between each other, for reasons that aren’t clear to anyone around them.

The biggest obstacles to their understanding are the elements they belong to.

Air and Earth are too far apart and it seems unclear to these partners how to reach each other on any issue in life.

Still, there is a prudence to both of them that might give them just enough depth and understanding to have very interesting discussions and motivate each other to build a better foundation for every next debate.

If they remain rational in their mental relations, they could have a lot of fun that other signs wouldn’t be able to understand.

The satisfaction they will both get from serious problem solving might lead them to a point where they find a solution together, Libra puts it in words and Capricorn puts it in action.

There is probably nothing in the world that could raise their egos higher than situations in which they managed to resolve something by a simple shared effort.

𝐸𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 😠😔😊

The hardest thing to reconcile in the relationship between a Libra and a Capricorn, are the ways they approach their feelings.

Libra is a sign ruled by Venus and their emotions come naturally, but usually restricted and held back due to the seriousness of their nature and the judgment of others they fear.

Capricorn has a mission in life to accept all emotion, and in most cases, unless enlightened, they will be this judgmental force that holds Libra down.

As if this wasn’t enough, the entire situation will feed Capricorn’s ego and make them think they are right about their approach, leading them further away from their focus point.

This is a couple that has to work hard on finding a shared language to show how they feel and still respect each other.

The emotional nature of Capricorn makes them distant for many, but completely untouchable for Libra as soon as they start dismissing their feelings.

The only thing that can be done here is find a point of absolute respect and acceptance of all emotions and their manifestations.

If they allow each other to break things, get angry, cry, make scenes in public or give in to hysteria, they might find a way to express their love in a way that will be correctly understood.

𝑉𝑎𝑙𝑢𝑒𝑠 🤲

The most important values Libra and Capricorn share are the value of time and taking responsibility.

This can help them overcome any differences and opposing attitudes, values or convictions, for each of these partners will be ready to understand the set of responsibilities they have toward each other.

As Air and Earth signs, both pretty set in their ways

Libra and Capricorn will differ greatly in the value of words and deeds.

Libra will communicate and think that their mind is their biggest asset

while Capricorn won’t really care if results aren’t manifested through the material world.

This is a good training for a Libra partner to find grounding

but it usually won’t be pleasant for any of them in a romantic relationship.

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑑 𝐴𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦𝑠 💪

The best thing these two can do together is be boring to the rest of the world.

There is a great chance they will be lulled by their relationship to the state of hard work and lazy rest, with no effort for anything creative or inspiring.

They need to keep their passions lit and create a weekly routine that will make them get out of the house and do something fun.

𝑆𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑦 💕

If we want to choose the best word to describe the relationship between a Libra and a Capricorn partner, we would have to say – hard.

This doesn’t mean they won’t enjoy the trouble of being together, or stay in a relationship for a very long time

but this is most certainly not a bond that many other signs would engage in.

Their biggest challenge is the lack of respect for emotional value that is usually initiated by Capricorn, but easily continued by Libra.

If they find a way to share, show and understand each other’s emotions, everything else will seem like a piece of cake.

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu fandom #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu matchups #atsumu miya #atsumu x reader #atsumu #atsumu x y/n #atsumu x you #300FollowerEvent

[ilkkawhat]

Any tips for first time writers? Specifically any tips and tricks for writing CSI stories and the Nick/Greg ship? Trying to stay in character and make the story interesting like a show episode instead of a boring text procedural is hard.

lmao as someone who is forever insecure about my own writing when it comes to keeping the characters in character, I think something to keep in mind is that you may view a character differently than someone else--and sometimes those views align with others, and most of the time it's better than what's presented in canon, and it can be really difficult to get confident about that, but I think that creating anything, even if it's not just writing--drawing, giffing, photo edits, etc, you do know and love that character enough to bring them to life under your hands and it's something that's just so like, poetic about keeping these characters alive, even if the show offed them or the show is cancelled, in these works (honestly the song "poet" by bastille says this best imo) and you may end up discovering parts of yourself as you explore these characters in depth, you'll learn more about them, too, and the more you write, the more confidence you will gain

but be weary of the validation trap (says someone who falls into it literally every time I post a fic)--do not rely on comments and feedback to let you know you're doing it "right." the fact that you're getting thoughts into words onto paper is good enough, and you are good enough and even if you don't end up sharing it, you still did something special that nobody else has done before, and that, is amazing!

I'm not gonna lie, a huge weakness of mine that I feel I've known ever since I started writing CSI fic is that I really don't do well in making cases for the CSIs to work on--and even when I do, the case is usually forgotten by the end of the fic and I end up just kinda focusing on the emotions between the characters and describing their feelings and actions the best I can and unfortunately the plot sometimes suffers because of that.

I guess it really depends on what you want out of your story--do you want a really intriguing case and basically make an episode of CSI, or do you want to kind of bend out of the procedural drama, and just write something fluffy like Nick/Greg going on a roadtrip or something actiony like them getting into some sort of trouble? (as I often do lmao)

Something that does always help me when I do decide I want an actual like, "plot" to the fic beyond just playing around with the characters and making them do things or experience things is that I'll make myself a very flexible outline--which I will admit, at times, does kinda drain the fun out of the actual writing part but I found that I'll try to write chapters/fics in segments in this way, like I'll have the start of a fic, and then when I feel like I need to break but want to write what I got going next, I'll have something in brackets like: [Self deprecation at home/drinking, evil Nick in the mirror?] (for agony), and sometimes maybe a bigger summary, and sometimes less to just kinda remind myself of what I wanted to accomplish with a fic

BUT know that there are gonna be things that pop up sometimes. twists that come to you halfway through a fic--or if you're lucky, you'll find that your reader friends will kinda give you a twist to add in (my fic Last Breath is the greatest example of this--I originally was gonna do like, 12 chapters but then @dannilea said "HEY MK GIVE NICK AMNESIA" and then the fic got doubled in length lmao) so don't feel confined to any sort of outline. go with the flow, go with what feels right for you.

I know it's a lesson I'm still learning myself, but do not pressure yourself with these sorts of things. there are no deadlines. you're not doing anything wrong. if you don't like something you wrote? don't delete it (i've deleted so many things--fics, my entire blog, old art and gifs I did and it's one of my biggest regrets that I carry with me and god...it just hurts) but don't be afraid to tweak, re-write or rework if you need to--I know ao3 has an option where you can even say something is a "remix" of another work if you write a fic and then somewhere down the line, decide to expand on it or change it up? (I think it's meant for that at least, I haven't done that sort of thing....yet)

and that's another thing--you'll always be learning new things as you keep writing. I've been writing since I was like, twelve years old. Had a long ass depressive gap (though I did still write some things, just not...as intensely as I used to) before I came back to the CSI fandom (which I never felt I contributed to before, when I joined tumblr I posted some caps but that was about it, it really wasn't until 2018 that I started giffing and writing and three years later lmao here we are!) and there are just hard lessons you do learn--like I said, the validation trap and pressure and all of that

but motivation wise, something I've been (trying) to do is write at least 100 words per day. Doesn't have to be a specific fic, doesn't have to be anything I intend to make a fic, but just...getting the words flowing. But again, no pressure, because I recently had another depressive bout and went 33 days without writing and it climaxed to me having another mental breakdown swearing I was never gonna write again and damn near deleting everything and giving up.........only to start writing again the next day (and full disclosure, I did have a friend helping me literally every day with that and if they read this, I hope they know how forever grateful I am that they convinced me to keep going and I would not actually be here without them)

You will need to recharge, you will need to be mindful of outside stresses that may be impacting your creative energies. And sometimes, you can try doing things not relating to writing at all. Make a playlist of songs that make you think about the fic; if you can, draw or make photo edits of the fic. find a friend to bounce ideas off of--so many of my fics were enriched by that, I can't even begin to list them all lol.

But above all, again, just know that what you're writing is unique to you, nobody else will be able to write the way you do, and that is just...so special. writing can be difficult, it's exhausting, it's a thankless job at times but when those words start clicking together and your fingers just keep typing/writing, you'll just kinda get this like, rush like nothing I've ever been able to match.

and lmao I know you said specifically CSI and Nick/Greg and feel like I got sidetracked--but the great thing about CSI is I feel like you'll have excuses to put them in situations given their line of work, but like I said before, you can bend out of the genre a little bit. Have Nick and Greg go on a vacation, or make an AU (even something as wild as a sci-fi AU--honestly Specimen Stokes is the most fun I've had in writing the past three years) or if you do want to stick to canon, and don't want to make a whole new case or elaborate on the details--play with an established episode. If there was a Nick focused episode, what was Greg doing and vice versa? Did they talk about things afterwards, or did something happen leading up to the episode that made them act a certain way around each other?

I'll honestly find inspiration also just watching the episodes--something I've been doing in these past few months of my rewatch is making little ficlets about the episode, like I wrote one about Nick and Greg post 6x02 elaborating on the breathplay that Greg hinted about earlier in the episode, or I made a revenge fic for 14x12 where that douchey abusive husband went after Nick, etc. So sometimes it helps to dive back into canon and play in that sandbox too

I hope these tips can help get you started and honestly, don't feel obligated to agree or do any of these things I listed above. We all have different ways of going about writing, and it is just one big learning process and something I don't think I'm ever gonna perfect or master in any sort of way--(not to say I think I'm the worst writer in the world but I just...try to humble myself and not believe I'm the best or better than anybody else cause that's part of the validation trap, you get those ideas in your head and then it can destroy you when you realize you're definitely not)--and there will be times you get heavily discouraged, but...you just gotta keep going. keep pushing. find outside encouragement, but don't rely on it. practice a lot of self care and don't pressure yourself to finish or share or write more than you think you can. just...let it come, and enjoy the ride

I honestly feel like I'm one of the least qualified to say all of these things, but I really do hope it helps and hey, you already got one cheerleader, me, who will be excited to read whatever you share!

#writing #(does this novel of advice count towards my word count goal 😂 jk i already hit it) #mk talks

[wildernessuntothemselves]

ahh yay perfect. Then in that case, if i can, i’ll be 🪐 anon.

and yes raving about your fanfic?!!?!?!?? i think even if i was ashamed of reading smut or fanfic i’d *still* find a way to talk about your fanfics because they’re just so good.

i mean, my friend is quite… conservative when it comes to fanfics/books, she was reading the most vanilla “smut” in a published book and she couldn’t make it through and i STILL made her sit through me talking for half an hour about the Loser fic. both her and my other friend agreed that the concept is super cool and interesting.

i just realised i sound like some fangirl who’s sucking up hard rn 💀💀 but yes! you should be proud of your writing because it’s so damn good. i’m willing to suffer all the whiplash and heartbreak 😌.

stop 😳 😳 😳 😳 they find the concept cool and interesting??? I'm 🙈

you don't sound like you're sucking up at all I really really appreciate your feedback it encourages me so much! It's things like this that make me want to create more and share it with you guys and a lot of times I get discouraged and feel like no one really cares about my writing and it wouldn't matter one bit if I stopped since there are thousands of other fanfic writers out there. so feeling appreciated really warms my heart and motivates me so much!

#thank you babe🥺 #you're an angel #🪐anon