#but the feeling itself isnt going to be able to explain why you feel that way or what about the art is working or isnt working—

[mokutone]

@pax-thuban left these tags on a post:

#well. first of all. this is so. bittersweet #like screaming and crying and throwing up on the floor etc #second of all. maybe i'm looking too much into this but. #it's interesting to see that there's blood splatters on tenzo's face /and/ his mask #if i recall correctly. the mask covers his happuri as well #the implication that tenzo lost his mask during battle. put it back on presumably /still/ in battle. continued killing #idk. just hurts #like something something anbu work forces him to feel more comfortable wearing a mask and conforming to a nameless org and set of ideals#and forgoing individuality #or like. something something maybe he feels worse that his face got 'stained' because it's basically a reminder that 'cat' and 'tenzo' #are one and the same and not two distinct entities no matter how much he wants to separate his identity and his anbu lifestyle #and the fact that the happuri is blank and doesn't have a konoha leaf on it.... he doesn't feel connected to the community even as he kills #for it... #i feel like it's kind of obvious that it's significant that the comic shows tenzo taking off his mask as he shows his weariness/depression #regarding anbu work and then how he thinks about kakashi as a jonin sensei. like representing himself as tenzo the individual rather than#'cat' a faceless tool of konoha in the shadows #i also feel like it's kind of noteworthy that the perspective(? is that what it's called for images?) zooms in on tenzo's face #first panel is mostly black and tenzo's body is off-center(?). like his face is centered but his body's not. and that leaves more room for #the black background. but the second panel fills it up with the kakashi thought bubble and tenzo's body comes into the center to fill up #the bottom half. and then the third panel makes tenzo himself fill up more space. there's less 'darkness' now #not sure how to say it other than. his sole saving grace in anbu at the moment is preserving his self and bond with kakashi ig #i also like how the black background isn't pure black. there's a tinge of red(? idk it could also be orange? but i'm taking it as red) #like one hand. maybe a reference to the whole blood thing. a reflection of how he feels surrounded by that reminder of murder instead #of just it being select patches on his skin #on the other hand (and this might be looking too deep 😔) maybe how allusion to the sharingan. how even though he left root #anbu still feels very similar to it that he feels reminded of how he was watched by danzo? #sorry for rambling. i am in an analysing mood today #but i'm also not that great at analysing visual art lmao

nooo no sorries! this is really useful and EXTREMELY flattering to receive such detailed thoughts, i feel like im back in a School Crit Circle or something, which is really fun and helpful. Critique like this rlly helps me understand what people are bringing to my art when I make it and how it's getting interpreted, which as somebody who wants to tell understandable stories via images, is useful to me beyond what words can describe!

like—there's no "right" or "wrong" when it comes to interpreting art, there is my intention, but my intention isn't necessarily what comes out (like how kishimoto somehow accidentally wrote two teenagers who he meant for us to perceive as straight, in the pains and throes of love for each other. like he wrote that, whether or not he intended to. i dont even actually ship s/n bc it doesn't have The One Ingredient for me, but its...also something thats hard to ignore about the text)

and similarly, since theres no way to objectively read a text, when you read it you're putting it in your own context, finishing the painting yourself with whatever colors you've got in your palette to use

that said! I can answer for my intentions in some of these

The blood and the mask: Practically, you're 100% right! Mask needs to be off to get at the happuri. That he's got blood on both his mask, and his happuri, means that at some point in the battle, he lost his mask and then put it on. In terms of art, I did this because the juxaposition contrast between the blood and the small amount of joy he's taking in thinking about a scarecrow, felt really important, and I didn't want to lose that with the removal of the mask. I also put the blood splatter in the same place, coming in from Tenzō's left, and splattering upward across his forehead area. Practically, this would mean that he was in the same position by a spatter of blood twice, but symbolically this implies that he is or feels like the same with or without the mask—like u talk about them being the same entity. I didn't really do that intentionally though—like I didn't think about it. I just kinda was like "yea that feels right. anyway moving on."

No leaf on the happuri: I AGREE WITH YOU ABT THE SYMBOLISM...he doesnt feel connected to konoha in a Real way until he's co-captaining, I think. He needs to be allowed to LIVE in Konoha to be a part of it... That said, if I'm not drawing Captain Yamato Post-Sunlight-Exposure I straight up forget that he had the leaf at all–I know it's supposed to be a Danzō thing, but I keep thinking it's an anbu thing. Honestly, since I agree with the symbolism, whether or not I forget or make an intentional choice not to depict it really doesn't matter I suppose

The Zoom In: Kind of the same as the last! i felt in my heart that we had to zoom in...I didn't think about it in terms of ''lessening darkness'' although now that I've read you write that I like THAT reading much more—esp since so much of yamato's themes in canon seem to be about sunlight and darkness...there's an interesting reading of darkness lessening (because he takes up more space) without light gaining any footing (he's still, as always, situated in the dark) about like, the little things that one can do to manage their depression or a dark situation, even when they still aren't able to be fully FREE of it quite yet (if ever). I think, when I was thinking abt it, I was thinking about making Tenzō seem very small and alone in the first panel, and then even after thinking about Kakashi, he's not quite so small in the panel, even though he still remains alone. This being said, the darkness reading is much stronger than the loneliness reading, even though they go hand in hand, I much prefer your interpretation.

the red in the black: This is interesting!!!! I like your interpretations a lot...in terms of materials this is only black india ink, so there's no red actually in it, but in the photo I can see what you mean—the ink I'm using is shiny because the "matte" ink is twice the price of it and I'm a cheapskate, and it inevitably creates shines of color when scanned or photographed. Obviously though, the lack of intention or the material contrast doesn't mean you're wrong—I saw the colorful patches in the image and decided it was fine enough to post anyway, they're a piece of the art as it exists digitally! Open for critique and interpretation. I like the idea that the darkness is connected to the blood very much especially, because it is for Tenzō, isn't it?

anyway, ty v much for your analysis, i was incredibly flattered to receive it, and i think you're actually super good at it, in my opinion!

#yamswers #pax-thuban #my jutsu #plz dont take offense to me explaining critique in basic terms ahghdhghds i do it mostly bc i know theres people who follow me who #will be less familiar with what critique is...and tumblr is often a less than ideal teacher for the art of art critique #I think the best thing one can do when critiquing art is to actually engage as much as they can with what they see in front of them #the ''how does this make Me feel'' part of it i think is EXTREMELY helpful—but mostly as a jumping off point #you want to use that feeling like a scent hound i think...it can lead u to the area you need to look at and it can follow the scent so well #but the feeling itself isnt going to be able to explain why you feel that way or what about the art is working or isnt working— #—which is the point of Critique #and you are extremely good at looking at specific factors in the art and both elaborating on the feeling its giving you and why #i've definitely given people critiques where I get stuck with the dog—only saying how I'm feeling but nothing more substantial #''i smell something in this area. not sure what. definitely here tho'' #ive also given crit where i just do not engage at all with the feelings and crit solely on analysis—which is good for like anatomy help #but limited in terms of an overall piece #ive definitely gotten feedback on my art which is 100% wholly based on the viewers own personal history + doesnt rlly engage with the #meaning or practical elements of the art in front of them #and in that case its just kind of ''okay! cool! im flattered that you have such a strong + personal connection to this piece!'' #but in terms of crit i can't do much with that bc their crit was so personal to them—not less valid + not less important...but also #not something meant for me at all #like um. um. um. the song Man on the Moon by REM is really important to me...but not for anything in the song itself. just where i heard it #and who i heard it with. it doesnt make my connection to the song less meaningful...but its not something that would b useful 2 the band #SDGJDSHGKDSJGH SORRY NOW *I'M* RAMBLING #it was just exciting to see such a thorough critique. it reminded of college back when id get to pin my art to the wall and get absolutely #blasted to smithereens by my teachers and classmates. VERY fun. i miss that energy #i wholly recommend it to anyone who would be okay getting told their art came out wrong (bc it sometimes will) #idk. anyway this is an art blog but more than that its a blog about art #so its fun to talk about the mechanics and decision making sometimes

[empress-6-3]

Hazbin Hotel Theory's

I am pretty sure some people had the same thoughts before me but i still want to write about it.

1.

The Angel was probably killed by the power of love / divine power

I think if you fight for someone else and not for your own gain, you unleash good power which is the only thing able to hurt an Angel.

Season 1 will propably end with the Main cast all protecting each other from the angel attack ( they start the extermination at the hotel ) and figuring this out mid fight. Scaring the angels into quitting the attack and Proving all sinners that the hotel works.

Season 2 could than start with everyone wanting to stay at the hotel and some angels hating the idea of sinners going into heaven, planning one big attack. Giving more Focus to an all out battle than we have left. Season one is only 8 episodes so i think this war will only be a set up for next season. With the first beeing more about the forming bonds and proving the dream.

2.

Alastor made a deal with lilith

They were both gone for 7 years.

Also Alastor doesnt seem interested in the cause itself, nor does he Sabotage it. He doesnt try to make a deal with Charlie and is a good supporting guy to the group ( does what he is been told ).

But he isnt a good guy and he hints that he gets something out of this.

Since he holds his end of the deal, it could be that he is currently fullfilling a deal, which includes protecting charlie and supporting her.

Lucifer doesnt know him, so it could only be lilith who made the deal with him.

The 7 years was alastor helping lilith with things so he could gain her trust ( showing that he does keep his end of the deal and is responsible with the task given - no creep towards charlie, etc ) and that the souls under his care are not completly abused like angel = lilith does care about her people. And that he is a charming, calm fellow who can be trusted not to abuse his power. ( the overlord takeout an exclusion, maybe we get more Infos later / there are still old overlords around who like him and he didnt Kill husk to take his Position )

The deal would not be her soul but the souls she has under her. Or otherwise gaining more power through her.

This makes him not a nice guy but not bad either since his goal would only be power for power sake ( he realised he cant keep climbing the letter so the royals where the best think to fix the Problem).

He just seems like a guy who is civil and respectful towards Others but needs confidents in his own powers and feels he needs to improve more. ( those guys who always desire more power for impruvement sake only ). Not to defeat Others but for his own well beeing / calm of mind. To get attention.

So this can be an ending where the power increase would not change his character Behavior. Only explain why he did what he did. Him getting stronger by helping charlie is not really a bad ending, it keeps him selfish enough to never be redeemed but nice enough to still be a Main character.

After all i dont want him to backstab the others or turn into the villain. But i also cant see him not beeing up to anything, for that there are to many hints.

Doing something good for his own sake only but having fun while doing it is a nice compromise between good and evil.

Also lilith would prove that she cares about charlie.

#hazbin hotel #alastor #charlie

[pastanest]

if you’re wondering why I’m having to repost this, or why you were perhaps previously following me but no longer are, please refer to this post. I was able to retrieve this thanks to the very lovely friends who have relentlessly sifted through tumblr archives to recover them, thank you all so much!! ♡

WARNING: spoilers for end of Deathly Hallows Part II, and also some HEAVY angst in this one

Glass Heart

George’s tired eyes turn to the window, finally seeing the sunlight he had restlessly been waiting for. Sitting up and bed and swinging his legs over the side, George sighs, hanging his head and closing his eyes. He wishes more than anything that he could allow himself to sleep, but he knows what will greet him if he does, and he cant face it, not yet.

Strolling down the hallway, George’s footsteps echo down the eerily quiet flat, setting his teeth on edge. He catches sight of the envelope that he left on the table yesterday. He recognises the handwriting on the front as that of his mother’s, and he knows that it’s a Howler of some kind. Judging by the fact it hasnt exploded, it isnt an angry one, which disappoints George a little. All night he was waiting for that explosion of his mother’s voice, the anger that he would love to hear in response to the pranks that filled his childhood. He’d choose to hear that over his mother’s sadness any day, and due to this Howler not revealing itself as Howler’s typically do, George worries that his mother’s sadness is exactly what is concealed in the envelope.

Unfortunately for George, his selfless love for his family gets the better of him, overtaking his own grief and anguish in order to hear his mother’s words and try to help in whatever way he can. Popping open the seal, George drops the envelope back on the table and leans against the wall, knowing there’s no way he can prepare himself for whatever he’s about to hear.

“Hello George, dear.”

The gaping hole in his heart aches at the softness in his mother’s voice, tears already stinging his eyes.

“I worry about you, up in that flat. Will you come home soon? We miss you terribly, your father and I…it isnt easy, for any of us, but with you not here, it almost feels like-“

His mother is too broken to utter the words that George knows she wants to say. With him not there, it feels like she’s lost both him and Fred.

“(Y/N) misses you terribly, too, you know.”

She changes the subject, the mention of you lifting her spirits even now. You were still back at the Burrow, where you had spent most of your life thus far. That first year at the train station, your muggle parents happened to ask the Weasley’s for help crossing onto the platform that they’d previously denied the mere existence of. Your parents both worked overseas, so even if you hadnt ended up as a witch, you would have been sent to a boarding school of some kind. When the Weasley twins returned home from their first year at Hogwarts to tell their parents all about what a wonderful friend you were to them, and explained that you wouldnt really have a home to go to, they were more than happy to have you stay with them, and you did. On occasion, your parents were home long enough to spend a few days with you, but for the most part, you were the Weasley’s plus one, and you couldnt have been happier.

“Ever since you moved out, she’s been quieter. She wears that old jumper of yours everyday, I have to sneak into her room just to clean it when she’s not home!”

George’s mother laughs, and the sound brings a smile to his face, despite the tears rolling down his cheeks. He didnt know you were still wearing that jumper he gave you after your fourth year. Well, technically he didnt give it to you; Molly accidentally placed it in your laundry pile and when you tried it on, George told you to keep it because it looked better on you anyway.

He last saw you on the worst day of his life, but before that, it had been months since he’d laid eyes on you. Having already moved out of his family home by the time the whole world started to change, he only heard about what had happened to you through what his family told him. Apparently, you’d gone into hiding with your muggle parents, because they were always travelling from place to place and with their absence in your life, nobody working for the dark lord would ever think to look for them. Still, you sent coded letters to the Weasley family by owl whenever you could, wishing them all safety and telling them not to worry about you.

Seeing you that day, running straight for him and stupifying anyone who got in your way, George remembers the feeling of his heart getting caught in his throat. Wrapping his arms around your waist and lifting you off the ground, clinging to each other like it was the last chance you’d ever get to do so, because you didnt know if it would be. Neither of you spoke a word, there wasnt time, in seconds you were placed on the ground and standing back to back, fighting evil from two fronts. He remembers his heart pounding in his chest in the aftermath of holding you close, feeling like he could win the battle singlehandedly because he knew you were safe. That heart is long gone now.

“She’s quieter now…we all are. Your father and I arent sleeping well, and so many nights I’ve walked by her door, hearing her crying, and when I go to check on her, she’s sleeping.”

Fresh, invisible wounds tear through George as he relives all the times he’s heard you cry. In your first year, when you found out your parents wouldnt be able to afford taking time off for Christmas, and Fred and George had to beg their mother to let them stay at Hogwarts with you while they went away to Romania. In your second year, when you were scared that your muggle blood would get you killed in the Chamber of Secrets, and George kept you safe. In your fourth year, when you came up with a cover story to get Fred and George out of trouble and Umbridge forced you to write with a quill that carved the words “I must not lie and think it is brave”, and George very nearly stormed into Umbridge’s office to destroy her, but you clinging to him as you cried held him back. In your seventh year, when Fred and George left Hogwarts to open their shop, and moved out of their family home to live in the flat above it; you cried your eyes out and told George that you loved him, but there wasnt time to explain what that meant. And finally, on the worst day of his life, when you screamed and sobbed beside what was left of Fred.

“She dreams about what we’re afraid to dream about, dear, and she needs you, just as much as you need her.”

If his mother had said such a thing at any other time, George would have disagreed. Before, there was never time to explore whatever it was between you and him. The twins were always off planning new pranks and inventions, and while sometimes you were their accomplice, there was never a moment long enough for you and George to just talk. Every time the twins were around, it was like you were living life at a higher speed, everything happened so fast and it only slowed down when they were gone. They were a force to be reckoned with, and you adored them for that. It was only when George told you about their plans to leave Hogwarts that things really set in for you. Like the Hogwarts train had hit you at full speed, you realised that you had wasted every moment with him, and although those moments had been fun, they could have been so much more, and then he was gone, just like that.

Before, George would have agreed that he was always too busy, too excited about whatever was coming next for him and Fred. His world had slowed down to a speed he didnt like, ever since his other half had gone, just like that.

“I think it would be good for both of you if (Y/N) came to live with you, she’d liven up the flat a bit. Maybe she could even help out with the shop someday! You need her, George.”

He can tell by her voice that Molly Weasley has never been more sure of anything in her life, and George isnt in any position to challenge her on that. Soon enough, he finds himself showered, dressed, and lifting his wand. By no means does he think he’s ready to accept help from anyone, but he will do anything to get out of that flat, and regardless of what his mother really means, he knows that she’s right. He needs you.

Apparating outside the Burrow, George feels miserable. His family home is still in the process of being rebuilt after the war, and seeing it barely standing is almost enough to make him want to turn back, until he hears laughter. From the other side of the front door, George can hear his mother and father actually laughing. It has been months since he’s visited home, and that sound was a forgotten memory even then. Gently pushing the door open so as to cause as little disruption as possible, George steps into his family home. He’s immediately greeted by the sight of you teaching his mother a silly dance in the kitchen, while his father watches, and all of you laugh together. You’re wearing an apron over the jumper George gave you, and splatters of countless ingredients cover it, as well as stain your face in places, but George swears you have never looked more beautiful. The sound of the door closing brings three pairs of eyes to him, and the laughter stops quite suddenly.

Before he even has time to register what’s happening, George is in the arms of his mother, who still manages to hold him even when he’s so much taller than her. His father hugs him next, as tearful as his mother as they embrace the son they were beginning to worry they would lose to grief. Neither of them say anything, they’re too shocked to speak, and they move to stand either side of George so that he can see you.

With Ron living with Hermione, and Ginny living with Harry, it would make sense for you to go and find a place of your own, fly the nest like the rest of them. But you stayed, to care for the people that had cared for you when you needed them, to help them feel a little less lonely.

And there you stand, your hands covering your mouth as tears blur the perfect image of George Weasley standing before you. The first genuine smile he has felt in months wobbles on his face as he stares at you, and unlike the last time you saw him, you dont run at him. You take one careful, unsteady step, and then he strides over to you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest.

“Missed you, Georgie.” Your shaky voice reaches his ears, and he feels the shattered fragments of his heart tremble, the fight to bring themselves back together reigniting.

“Missed you too, sweetheart.” George sniffles, and you feel your own fractured heart clench at his words.

Sweetheart, that was something he first called you in your second year, when you were crying in fear of being killed for being muggle born. George had pulled you into his arms and told you “I wont let anything happen to you, sweetheart, promise”, and ever since, he has been your safe place. Every single time he was there when you needed him after that, that is what he would call you.

“What are you doing here?” You question, pulling away from him to wipe your eyes.

Obviously, you’re ecstatic to see him, but if he’s just dropping by to pick something up and leave again, you dont want to get your hopes up.

“I was wondering if you’d like to…move in, with me. Maybe help with the shop, if you’re up to it. Supposed to be a two-person place, after all.” George had planned to chuckle as he said that, but the weight of his own words cause a lump to form in his throat instead, and he can no longer hold your gaze.

He doesnt see the way you cast a worried glance to Molly and Arthur, who both shake their heads and smile at you encouragingly, assuring you they’ll be fine if you choose to go. And he doesnt see the way you look up at him, staring into the anguish that sits deep behind his sad, sad eyes, that are too scared to meet yours.

“It would be my honour, Georgie.” You tell him, causing his head to snap back down to read your face, checking for any sign of doubt, and when he cant find any, he smiles, and you smile right back.

“But first, have you had breakfast? I was just making some.” You gesture to your dirty apron, which has consequently smeared George’s clothes with some stains as a result of the hug you shared.

“I havent eaten, no.” He admits sheepishly, knowing before he’s even finished his sentence that you’re going to give him a disapproving look, and you dont disappoint.

“Well, that’s one thing we’re gonna have to sort out when I go back with you: regular meal times! Routines are important-“ You begin, but George cuts you off by rolling his eyes playfully.

“-because they help make everything feel more manageable, I know.” He finishes your sentence, having heard that phrase from you a thousand times. Glancing at his parents, George knows for a fact that if it hadnt been for you, the two of them would have fallen into the same irregular schedule, ruled over by grief. You saved his parents from that, and in turn, their company saved you. Well, as much as their company could. You were always a little lonely whenever George wasnt around.

Molly and Arthur choose to go and sit outside while George follows you into the kitchen. He leans against the counter, watching as you busy yourself with cooking spells.

“I’ve heard that you’ve formed quite the attachment to that jumper.” He cant help commenting, a cheeky smile on his face as he effortlessly slips back into the flirty banter that the two of you have always had, but something about you doesnt quite feel right.

Looking over your shoulder at George, you sigh dramatically. “Guess you could call me the clingiest witch in the west.”

George chuckles at that, shaking his head. “Nah, not clingy. Utterly adorable, but not clingy.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Oh, utterly adorable, am I?”

George smirks. “Definitely.”

Silence ensues, throwing you both into the sickening realisation that at this point in your flirting, Fred would usually interrupt. Sadness casts her cloak over the two of you, shrouding you in a grey, slow haze.

“Im sorry I didnt save him.”

And there it is. Your words cut through the air like a knife, straight to George’s heart, or rather, the place where it would have been. By no means was your happiness an act, but it was something you exaggerated to help heal his family, it was only a matter of time before its permanence wavered in his presence. George has always been able to see right through you.

“What are you talking about?” He questions carefully, very worried about what you’re going to say next as you fix your gaze on the dishes you’re washing with your bare hands rather than a spell. In the background, your spells continue to cook whatever wondrous breakfast you have planned. Washing up is your chosen distraction, or subtle punishment.

“If I hadnt stayed with you, if I’d gone to find him, I could have- he could still- even if it meant…” You close your eyes, tears slipping down your cheeks and you squeeze your lips inside your mouth to hold back a sob.

“Dont even think that, not for a second.” George’s voice is low, firm, and deadly serious.

You shake your head, eyes opening wide as you stare at him. “I cant stop thinking it, George. I have seen this family in so much pain, people I adore living through such agony every single day, and you disappeared completely! If I’d been with him, if I saved him, if it had been me, none of this would have happened! All of you would have been better off.” You look away from him again, and George takes the single stride necessary to reach you, gently lifting your hands out of the soapy water and grabbing a towel to dry your raw fingers that have been scrubbing through your anxiety-fuelled vent.

“Listen to me, (Y/N). There wont be a day that goes by where I dont miss Freddie.” That’s the first time he’s said his name since that day, it chokes him up immediately. “But I would never, ever want you to trade places with him, to have you gone instead of him. If you had gone, none of us would have been able to hold the rest of us together like you have, like you’ve always done. You are everything, (Y/N), and I wouldnt trade your life for anything, or anyone. I cant even think about a world without you in it-“ George shakes the thought out of his head, tears stinging his eyes as he’s briefly sent to kneeling at your side and holding your cold hand, sobbing and begging you to just open your eyes.

Your warm hands on his face bring him back to the present, your bright eyes staring up into his.

“Im sorry George, I cant imagine a world without you, either.”

Holding your hands against his face, George sniffles. “You’ll never need to.”

A small smile curls in the corner of your mouth, and he cant help mirroring it.

“You and me, we’re gonna get through this, you hear me?” You raise an eyebrow playfully, making George chuckle through his tears.

“Loud and clear, sweetheart, loud and clear.”

And as if by magic, he feels the first shattered piece of his heart slowly slot back into place.

#george weasley #george weasly x reader #george weasley imagine #x reader #harry potter #imagine #imagines #fanfic #fanfiction

[aihoshiino]

sorry for barging into your inbox for the second time today but c. 131 unlocked the brain worms sjsksks

what really gets me is the difference between kyun's view in viewpoint b and takamine's (assuming shes 45510 narrator)

like you said, takamine saw and still sees ai as the perfect idol, a fan striving to keep her perfect image (kind of paralleling akane and kana's fan-actor situation where akane hates but also adores kana as an actor but where takamine bought into ai's façade despite knowing her backstory and the clear evidence that ai tried to be as honest as possible yet still labelling her as a liar/perfection and refusing to see her as anything else, akane strove to understand kana and her situation instead) and her own words put ai up on a pedestal and in the process characterizes ai only in relation to that pedestal and refusing to look any further, thus sending the chance for any connection down the drain

in contrast, as i was rereading viewpoint b, kyun struck me as having a sort of? awareness? about ai and her own perception of her because kyun actually reflects about the "idea of ai", considering that that "perfect woman" was actually a mirage from memory. she doesn't actually break out of the mirage, but she's honest with herself in a way takamine isnt, in that she knows her view of ai as inhuman is probably a falsehood, but she had decided to take that view anyway

conversely thats what allows kyun to actually connect with ai, even if she misses the mark sometimes, rather than getting caught up in the façade and clam up like kanan does earlier, kyun instead opens up, confirmed in the story itself as kyun even says that her choosing to view ai this way is what allows her to be able to tell ai things she wouldn't tell anyone else

and its because of that very mindset along with the fact that she markedly makes the effort to try and understand ai where everyone else didn't that she manages to see ai's suffering and chooses the lyrics to match what she was able to see

i think this is why ai felt that kyun was the member she was closest to, because kyun opening up allowed the way for ai to open up and the song that was a joint effort made between them, of true feelings they both expressed to each other

"from miserable me, to miserable you" a summation of that conversation between ai and kyun

[img. id in alt text]

uh. hope you enjoyed this mess of an analysis? bye!

OH NO.... ONE OF MY OSHI NO MOOTS ANALYZING MY FAVE SIDE STORY IN MY INBOX.... WHATEVER WILL I DO.... 🥺

Joking aside, I think this is a pretty spot on analysis of Kyun and her relationship w/Ai in Viewpoint B. Honestly, what I found really fascinating while going through the process of translating them both is just what a study in contrast they were. Kyun starts off Viewpoint B talking about how angry she is but what came out to me much stronger was this persistent melancholy, a sort of soft nostalgic sadness. By contrast, 45510 is incredibly angry and hostile, to the point where it can honestly be a little uncomfortable to read!

The main difference is, as you said, that sense of self awareness – both Kyun and the 45510 narrator take part in dehumanizing Ai but while the 45510 narrator either isn't aware or willing to admit what she's doing, Kyun not only freely admits to it but is able to identify and explain pretty clearly why she feels she has to do it and, notably, does not blame Ai for this -- as she herself puts it, it's an issue of her own jealousy and her own feelings and so while it's maybe not the healthiest way to do it, there's something oddly considerate about her doing her best not to resent Ai for something that's so out of her control.

The real point of contrast comes when both of them are unavoidably confronted with Ai's humanity in ways that threaten their perception of her. The 45510 narrator responds with not just hostility but revulsion and goes out of her way to irrevocably destroy this trace of the real Ai, so the eternal idol can survive in her mind, untarnished.

Kyun responds much differently – she accepts this challenge to her worldview and to an extent, she accepts Ai as well. It's kind of heartbreaking that the thing Ai wanted most of all, to have someone see her for who she really was and accept her, was so close by and the two of them just sort of... missed each other. I've said this before, but I wonder so often just how many things could have changed if Ai and Kyun's friendship had stuck and given Ai the support within B-Komachi she so desperately needed.

Something I found myself wondering as I was mulling over all this is maybe it's a matter of age and perspective?

Kyun is around 18 at the time Viewpoint B takes place, which puts her at around 3 or 4 years older than Ai while the 45510 narrator's age is never given but she confirms she was a middle schooler like the rest of the founding members, which would make her roughly the same age as Ai, so probably around twelve or so when they debuted.

Kyun also didn't have a ton of prior brain poisoning from the entertainment industry; as she puts it, she was primarily a musician who only gravitated towards being an idol as a way of being able to make music her career in any way she could. The 45510 narrator, by contrast, seems to have been inducted into the industry and its standards at a relatively young age which gave them plenty of time to fry her brain.

I hope we get more deets about the B-Komachi girls soon........................ I'm really hopeful that the Spica novel's Ai story will have at least a few tidbits about the founding members since it focuses at least partially on Ai's early time there. Mr Akasaka, please.... my crops, they're withering.....!!!!!

#oshi no ko #oshi no posting #ai hoshino #kyun #b-komachi

[hella1975]

Hella something incredibly traumatic just happened to me.  I cannot find the original list thingy i have for chapter 42.  (i was like half way through and then stopped i dont remember why) so i have to start over which isnt a bad thing because i get to reread ittt

Your getting 42 and 43 in one thing 

“It had been one day and one night since they left the Western Air Temple and Zuko had a headache.” sme one get this poor boy some tylenol

Bros extremely overstimulated

“Nanook expected they’d arrive at the White Lotus camp-”  i forgot theyre going to the white lotus camp again and if irohs there still thats going to be really fun.  (probably not for zuko though)

I love your sokka so much its insane.  

It always takes me so long to read your chapters and write these and stuff not because of the length of your chapters (i love long chapters) but because i always try to process every single little thing because its so good and a lot of the stuff doesnt even make it into the list because i dont know how to put it into words and thats how i feel about the dynamic youve created around zuko and sokka.  Like how you took Sokkas canon traits and magnified them to accommodate the traits zuko got threw taob perfectly and theres something so artistic about it and i wish i had the words to better explain how in awe of you i am every time i read a new chapter.

Anywho

“If he spoke them, if he let them out, his friends would snatch these birds from the sky and beat them to death, and they would call it salvation.” oh my fucking god hella what the fuck

Zi Se <3

Oh jeez now he’s hallucinating

I love Zi Se.  Having Zuko take care of a small child is such a unique thing to have in a fic and you make it work so well.  Every scene between them is immaculate

The way you portray trauma is incredible.  The ‘two steps forwards one step back’ ness of it, and the way different peoples traumas rub against eachother and the lashing out and guilt and stuff its really so good.  

I think its funny to think about external zuko in taob.  Like a wet dog growling at everyone and pushing itself into a corner.  A little tragic, a little pathetic.  And then in his head he’s having some of the most profound, angsty thoughts.  And the transition between those scenes is also entertaining.  

I also really like the dynamic Zuko has with the entirety of the gang.  Like it’s not just sokka going ‘i can fix him’ and doing it, its a group effort and the different peoples individual traits work well with helping different parts of zuko heal.  When he needs sternness and bluntness, theres sokka, when he needs something more gentle, theres tomnook, and when he needs something in between theres katara.  

I saw your authors notes that was like ‘i’m writing another zukka fic!’ and i was so confused for a moment and i was like ‘wtf is she talking about’ and then it was like ‘you can read it here!’  and i was like ;holy shit its already posted!?  Why didnt she tell tumblr about this and then i was like ‘oh shes talking about tams.’  i forgot it was a zukka fic.  

That took me 3 hours.  

Anywho 

Chapter 43:  : )

“Gradually, things got easier and they fell into a routine.” well thats a relief i hope nothing bad will happen ever again : )

“Suki wasn’t far from him, dipping her water flask into the current,”  of topic but i dont get how people didnt just drop dead from drinking random ass water like how is suki not going to get dysentary.  Sokka needs to invent these people a water filter.

Im carefully treading ocross this chapterbecause of the stuff ive seen from tumblr and discord and while i guess i trust you not to kill tomnook *this chapter* im still very weary and terrified.  

Being american means that you might not be able to afford to read taob bc of the inevitable therapy bill

If i get ptsd from this i quit

Anywho

““Zuko, dude, buddy.” Sokka appeared from where he’d been washing his frankly disgusting tunic, now leaving it to drip around his neck, shirtless as he clapped a hand to Zuko’s shoulder. “If a girl calls you roguish, it’s a compliment.”” Bros projecting

“ this seemed to bother Sokka more than anyone. Hot stuff was one of her favourites, which Zuko thought made sense. He was a firebender, after all. It really didn’t warrant the spluttering and indignance Sokka met it with, stomping over to Suki and kicking water at her while she cackled.” Still projecting

If Tomnook becomes canon i will personally see to starting a movement across all social media platforms similar to the november 6th destiel thing

“He was still smiling. Always smiling. Nanook let him go.” THIS IS THE PART THAT DESTROYED ME????????????????????????????????????? IT WAS ABOUT HAIRR????????????????????/ im actually going to kms oh my god im suing

I experienced so much turmoil for it literally to just be tomkin walking away

Im so insulted

Also nanook definitely has a crush on him just in case you didnt know 👍

Now Kataras overstimulated

“Zuko had taken the carrots.” God dammit Zuko 

If Sokka or Katara find the carrots that wont be good

I dont trust you anymore

““There’s something you’re not telling me,” she said, staring out at the grass around them, the stars in the inky sky. It was the exact same as when they’d sat together the other day, hand in hand, when she’d first admitted to this anger.

Zuko was tense beside her, before sighing in defeat. “This is about the carrots, isn’t it?”  This is so funny for no reason 

““I could probably help you find those men, if you wanted,””  you fucking idiot i cant believe him

“He liked liked Zuko, with his stupid, roguish hair and his muscles and his gentle way of handling Zi Se and his stupid sense of humour and his sheer, stubborn will to keep going. How could Sokka ever talk to Bato again? This was the worst thing to happen ever,”  ITS HAPPENING 

I NEED THAT ONE GIF FROM THE OFFICE JFC

OH MY GOD

I CANT BREATH

The fact that he immediately thought of bato is so iconic i love that for him

The whiplash sokka must feel from coming to terms with his feelings for zuko and that he’s able to grieve his mom and then katara coming out like ‘yeah im going to murder him’ must be insane its like that cat in the hat meme where hes going to hit the dude with the bat

I dont think that conversation went like suki planned for it to

Zukkkaaa fight

THEYRE HUGGIN THIS IS NOTA DRILL OGM

“Katara wouldn’t kill those men.” oh thank fuck

“. local boy discovers the uno reverse card immediately makes it everyone else's problem.”  Lmfao 😂  💀

You have never written a bad anything hella lm tell you.  2 10/10 chapters good job, that was fabulous, i love it.  

Im in a class this semester that deals with analyzing literature and reading a lot of like ‘classic’ books.  And the entire time im reading these books some that are considered to be from some of the best authors of all time is that im comparing them to the things youve written and when ive said that your such a talented writer before, i dont know how much ground ive had to stand on but now that i have like a (very small) reference point for that stuff, holy shit you are such a talented writer.  

Like i know its not your major and that youve never studied it and stuff and the fact that you can produce all of that based on pure talent is honestly incredible.  Im constantly in awe every time i read anything of yours its insane.  I really do hope your as proud as you can be of yourself, you deserve it. 

~list anon~

list anon i get such a little smile on my face when i see ur asks come in like i get comfy and make sure i have time to go through the whole thing in one go and it just warms my heart that someone so consistently makes time for me and my silly stories. thank you x

#you shitting it about tom nook DID make me chuckle tho. sorry babe <3 #i especially appreciated the compliment about zi se. he's my little baby! #'some of the best authors of all time is that im comparing them to the things youve written' KISSING YOU? INSANE THING TO SAY? #ask #taob asks #list anon

[zhongscara]

Why do you not like neuvifuri? I'm just curious :0

crack open a cold one with me anon this is gonna be a bit of reading...

first off if you ship it (anyone who reads this) im so happy for you just tag it and we'll be fine i'm not going to hunt people down or whatever anyways if you love it DONT CLICK THE READ MORE!!!!!!

ok so like. i just think their dynamic isnt as wholesome/lovely as a lot of shippers make them out to be especially on furina's side. i believe they both care for each other BUT they don't understand each other.

neuvillette wishes her well and respects her BUT until focalors explained her master plan to him he didn't fully understand the depths of her stress and trauma. remember how in 4.1 furina was nervous about meeting arlecchino by herself and at first neuvillette thought she was just being dramatic? yeah. also he respects her and knows she's more than her public dramatic persona but he also doesn't like being seen as The Same as her (him telling traveler and paimon he doesn't agree with her on everything when they didn't even mention her) and publicly he even praises nahida more than her praises her, since he usually plays the "role" of being the Actual Responsible Man vs. furina.

and while furina does respect neuvillette and tries to rely on him (as like the aforementioned arlecchino meeting) she also finds it incredibly hard to open up to him and thinks he might hold some anger towards her post-4.2 AQ. and im not just talking about furina not being able to tell neuvillette about her whole masquerade. she doesn't even tell him about arlecchino's assault, leaving him to at first assume she just didn't want to go to the meeting by herself, and then eventually coming up with his own conclusion after the meeting. and after seeing furina's whole deal i think it's safe to assume she didn't tell him because she didn't want to be seen as weak or have any doubts cast on her which is like. really fucking sad.

it's like... frustrating as both a neuvillette AND furina fan (but especially as a furina fan) to see people gloss over the complexity of their relationship and just shove them into a feel-good "archon and her loyal dragon!" dynamic when canon pretty much beats us over the head with "yeah these two work together and trust each other but they don't really KNOW each other." maybe if they had more of the actual dynamic in the ship i wouldn't dislike it so much but anyways.

there's... a lot more stuff i could complain about re: most shippers talking points (conflating focalors with furina, saying she's the only/main one who helped him understand humanity) BUT that's on them and not the canon dynamic itself lol. and also we would be here All Day.

in summary i really don't like it when complex, close relationships are just grossly oversimplified or straight up ignored for an easier time with shipping to the point where they become a common or at least noticeably significant fanon interpretation. especially since a lot of it in this ship (imo) ignores a lot of furina's feelings and her own insecurities and view of neuvillette and how she thinks he feels about her.

#mine.txt

[miroyuuu]

Okay talking about my headcanon that skwisgaar has ocd:

Gonna talk about his intrusive thoughts (warning for violence & sexual shit), fear of contamination and perfectionism.

First of all, for anyone who doesn't know, intrusive thoughts are a big OCD thing, these are disturbing or disgusting etc. thoughts that are obviously unwanted and distressing and frequently focus on certain themes.

Skwisgaar struggles a lot with really horrible sexual intrusive thoughts about his mother, one of the most common ones that keeps popping up in his head is the flashback of his mother when he was trauamtized by her as a kid. Its like reliving it all over again and it leaves him feeling sick and disgusted everytime.

Seeing his mother triggers it the most of course, and whenever she visits mordhaus, he obviously hates being near her for a multitude of reasons, one of biggest ones being how sexually explicit she is with no concern for boundaries or other's peoples comfort, and he'll vent to the other guys about it, but only to a very small extent, comments that we see talking about 'why ams she wearins that fuckins dress, ams she a strippers' etc.

Skwisgaar keeps it all to himself, disgusted by the thoughts and obviously never wanting to share them or talk about them. Maybe after so many years of knowing and living with each other, the more perceptive members start to get an inkling of what he's dealing with (if you wanna go the charles has ocd too route, maybe charles senses he's suffering with it too and tries to offer a bit of comfort without addressing the ocd itself but we know Charles isn't the best at comforting and skwisgaar isnt the best at allowing himself to be vulnerable around people)

Anyways, so you can imagine just how extra horrible all those serveta scenes are for skwisgaar, like the end of the cursed christmas special, and of course, when he moves back to sweden only to be retraumatized all over again. He keeps these thoughts secret for years and never intends on sharing them with anyone.

After Toki gets kidnapped by Magnus, he starts getting a lot of intrusive thoughts about Toki getting tortured etc, and the image of Toki hanging upside down, all bloody and beat and starved is burned into his mind forever. For a while after doomstar, maybe skwisgaar even avoids toki because seeing him triggers these thoughts even worse, and it builds up until Toki finally confronts him.

Now as you know I love skwistok lol and I think if they were at a point in their relationship where Skwisgaar chooses to trust Toki with Knowing him and all his vulnerabilities and struggles etc he would open up about it, sobbing and not being able to bear looking at toki but needing to explain what horrible shit is happening in his head and why it makes it so difficult. "It ams likes, my worst nightmares, yous just, gettins stabbs overs and overs, and Magnus ams deres and he ams doings... De worst tings to you... Sometimes it amnsts even hims, sometimes it ams mes .." you get it some real big angst hurt and comfort stuff. Toki understands, sees his distress and tries his best to reassure him that he knows him and knows skwisgaar would never want to hurt him and never want to see him hurt.

Okay, now for the contamination OCD side of things.

Skwisgaar takes really long elaborate showers, has a whole routine and process to decontaminate that he has to repeat over and over until it just Feels Right, and if he wasn't a god with life & healing powers (and a bunch of expensive creams and products) his skin would probably be scrubbed dry. The sheer grossness of dethklok and their party till you vomit lifestlye though acts as really good exposure therapy lol and over time he gets better and better with all his contamination ocd related compulsions like showers handwashing, and just generally feels less repulsed and anxious going about life than he used to. He's never felt so liberated getting nasty with dethklok lol

Alright, a big ocd thing too is this whole 'just right' thing, where you have to keep repeating something over and over until it feels right. It makes recording sessions even harder when he has to keep playing the same lick over and over until it feels right, even tho the guys swear the last one was fine.

He also has the whole perfectionist thinking (another big ocd thing) too, when it comes to recording sessions and obviously, releasing albums. He and Nathan kind of share this, and will keep rerecording, redoing, and rewriting trying to get things perfect until they get exhausted, and become too overwhelmed to finish. This is pretty much canon, we see this esp in Nathan deleting albums over and over and being concerned about it not being perfectly brutal enough. It seems like they're either working on the album really intensively trying to get it perfect, or not working on it at all and avoiding deadlines.

Im getting a headache staring at my screen typing this so gonna wrap it up there, hope you enjoyed!

#metalocalypse #skwisgaar skwigelf #rocktalk

[clownrecess]

Do you recommend any type of therapy for autistic children that’s not Aba? Other than occupational and speech. A way to help them learn that you don’t find abusive? Like floor time therapy? Or early start Denver model? Im new to all of this and want to help my child so he can one day be self sufficient and live on his own and such. I want to help his development. Of course I was told aba was the way to go but many disapprove. So what is a good alternative?

(TW: ABA, OTHER ABUSIVE THERAPY, GENERAL ABUSE, TRAUMA, MASKING)

I'm sorry, this is probably not going to help much, but honestly, no.

I will never be able to live alone, I will never be able to do most things the way nondisabled people will. And that is okay! And I understand wanting your son to be more independent, but he is in fact disabled, and he will be as independent as he can be, but there is no way to make him "less disabled".

I do want to thank you though, because you actually listened to autistic people, and a lot of parents don't do that. ABA is always abusive, speaking from first hand experience, and I am very glad we could change your mind on putting him in it. You mentioned floor time and early start Denver model, and I honestly wouldn't recommend those either. Floor time is essentially an alternative to ABA that is less harsh, but it's the same thing with the same goals, that in the end being to make us appear "less autistic". It also tends to refer to the way we naturally experience our emotions as "deficits". And Early Start Denver Model is directly based on ABA. So I shouldn't really have to explain why that's not good, if you know why ABA isnt good.

Honestly, as a MSN-HSN autistic, I really just wish the world let me exist as I am when I was younger, instead of trying to intervene to "help", because it didnt help, and now I have severe trauma surrounding people I dont know coming into my house, going to certain locations, and school. It didnt help, and it never does. Even if it seems like it helps on the outside, it doesnt. It just makes us mask, which is traumatic and unhealthy itself.

I apologize if that didn't help or if I seemed rude, I just really really wanted to express my actual feelings on it all.

#tw aba #tw abuse #tw trauma #tw floor time #tw early start denver model #aba #anti aba #actually autistic #neurodivergent #aac user #nonspeaking autistic #autism #nonspeaking #aac device #aac users #situationally nonspeaking #disabled #early start denver model #floor time therapy #aba is abuse #autistic trauma #traumagenic system #traumatized autistic #tw #trigger warning #nothing about us without us #listen to autistic people #listen to autistics

[doomsdayradio]

i have npd or something like it but i really have trouble with the notion that narcissism is something that you can like, normalize in the way some other mental health things can be normalized or accepted. i just dont understand the thinking behind trying to get people to be more accepting of npd when the main symptom of it is treating other people badly. it feels pretty natural to avoid or dislike people you know have been diagnosed with a thought disorder that, intrinsically by definition, means you tend to treat other people with disregard or worse. i wouldnt expect anyone i told about my diagnosis to stick with me.

THERE IS SO MUCH TO UNPACK HERE. I COULDN'T EVEN KEEP MY SEMI-FORMAL MANNER OF SPEECH THE ENTIRE TIME. ANON IM WARNING YOU AHEAD OF TIME I AM NOT NICE IN THIS RESPONSE <3 IM SICK OF ABLEISM

the notion that someone having NPD instantly means they're going to treat others poorly by default is in and of itself ableist. that is an ableist stereotype. i literally know people with NPD who are explicitly nice and helpful on purpose because they want people to like them and think highly of them. treating others poorly is not "the main symptom" of NPD, at best the "main symptom" or core of NPD seems to be self-esteem dysregulation.

anyways read this post it basically explains in detail what i don't have the time or energy to type out.

btw, if you have NPD or something similar and your personal experience has been that you treated others poorly. erm. L? i don't know why you're projecting that on every single other person with NPD💀 your experience isn't universal at all?? the most helpful and kind person i know has NPD????? like yes it's true people with NPD usually struggle with relationships but struggling isnt automatically equivalent to being toxic or abusive nor is that struggle exclusive to NPD

also NPD isn't a thought disorder???? NPD is a personality disorder, thought disorder is "a disorganized way of thinking that leads to unusual speech and writing." what are you defining a thought disorder as? when someone has thoughts that aren't perfect pure and moral? why do you think thoughts automatically equal actions? i have plenty of severely fucked up thoughts because of my disorders that i don't act on

like i dont mean to doubt you but are you fucking sure you have NPD or anything actually like it? because honestly you dont seem to have an idea what the disorder actually is?? like genuine question were you just diagnosed and then they didnt explain at all what that meant? or did they diagnose you based on really fucking ableist ideas???

im sorry this response isnt nice im just so sick of having to over and over again convince people i am not an abusive heartless monster to every fucking person i meet. i do not abuse my loved ones. i am not always the nicest or easiest person to be around but because i have people who actually understand my disorder and want to communicate, we're able to work through it.

"i wouldnt expect anyone i told about my diagnosis to stick with me." please work through your internalized ableism. do not come into my ask box and imply the people i love would have the right to abandon me just because of a disorder i got from severe nonstop childhood abuse and neglect that i have zero control over because you think it automatically makes me an abusive nightmare. good day.

#words words words !! #asks #ableism tw #npd

[multiplicity-positivity]

Hi hi im starting to question if i have depersonalization disorder? My body feels present but my mind isnt? Idk how to explain my mind is always fuzzy and i have bad memory it also feels like im not myself but i get random snaps of reality? Idk im not sure its starting to mess w me and idk who to ask bc i dont have a therapist

I just i get some shed of light＾＾ thank u for reading!

Hi hello! :33

Well, we understand depersonalization as a symptom which can be an aspect of a bunch of different mental illnesses! We don’t really know about specifically depersonalization disorder… do you mean maybe DPDR (depersonalization/derealization) disorder?

Depersonalization can be a symptom in a lot of different illnesses. Um, we can’t diagnose you and we won’t ever claim to! But we can pass along some info and resources on DPDR disorder and depersonalization specifically so you can do your own research!!

(Gonna plug our own infographic on depersonalization vs. derealization!)

Um, as far as we understand, having a bad memory isn’t necessarily a sign of depersonalization in and of itself. There’s a bunch of reasons why someone might feel foggy, hazy, and fuzzy and have poor memory or lots of memory issues! >w<

We know you said you currently don’t have a therapist, but if your symptoms are starting to cause you distress, it may be time to look into finding one! Let us know if you need help, and if you tell us the country you live in, we can try to help you find links to therapy resources in your area!! Therapy is really really important for folks struggling with all sorts of mental illnesses. We’re not saying therapy works for everyone 100% of the time, but if you haven’t already brought your concerns up to a therapist, it may be a good idea to do so! :3

Good luck with everything! We personally know how scary it can be to grapple with symptoms of mental illness without support or answers as to what you’re going through >_<” but we hope you’re able to find the support you need very soon!

💚 Ralsei and 🌸 Margo

#depersonalization #depersonalization/derealization disorder #dpdr #dpdr disorder

[gloomforrestrunes]

PLEASE go into detail about why Kane and River broke up. I need to know more about both of them and their disastrous relationship

hfdfhdsaj, i dont know if i would classify it as disastrous, but it was definitely for the best that they broke up!

for extra context, before river, kane dated two others, aria and chloe. ive talked about them briefly before and those two plus river can be seen together in my heaven says video!

being the last aera alive, there is a LOT of unspoken pressure on kane to keep his family bloodline going. feli is sort of the main authority figure who is urging kane to take a suitress. kane's relationships with aria and chloe were both sort of already set up by feli, and while kane genuinely gave those relationships a shot it just felt... wrong. obviously the main reason that it felt wrong is because, well, kane is gay! and wasnt physically or romantically attracted to either aria or chloe. but because kane was completely clueless, he assumed that the reason behind why it felt wrong was because the relationships were set up by feli rather than happened naturally. (which definitely was apart of it, but obviously the main reason is that he isnt attracted to women LMAO) so when kane broke up with aria, and later chloe, he was able to be honest with them that it just didnt feel right! so those break ups were much less messy.

river was already friends with him and his friend group at this point, and she was starting to get some feelings for kane. kane always regarded river as a really good friend but never considered her as a partner. and because he never had gotten romantic feelings for anyone at that point (other than having a crush on jay- but he was a child at the time and no one told him what his feelings meant so he completely disregarded it) he didn't even know what love was supposed to feel like!

so when river pulled him aside one day and confessed her feelings for him, he sorta short-circuited and thought "oh. well she is a really good friend and i like being around her and this is happening naturally rather than being set up so that means this is what True Love feels like" so in a super unfortunate case of misunderstanding, kane completely mixed up platonic and romantic attraction and told river that he felt the same way. and soon enough they became a couple.

well things start to get a bit rocky for them when river notices that kane never really. treats her like a partner. like he'd just treat her like she was his buddy. like if they were on a date he'd view it as just two pals hanging out rather than a loving bonding moment between partners. that isn't necessarily a bad thing by itself but river communicated to him that she wants to feel loved by him and points out that he doesnt really say "i love you" to her that much or even at all. and that she wanted to receive physical affection like nose touches or cuddles and stuff. kane of course is receptive to that and explains that it just didnt cross his mind that he should be doing that. well if your partner says that to you that definitely wouldn't make you feel very desired by them :,) (obviously that wasnt kane's intention at all. he's just. clueless)

kane of course wants to make river happy so he tries to do what she asks of him! but soon he would find that every time he cuddled her or told her that he loved her- uh oh. that wrong feeling came back, and it was worse than ever. kane thought that he did everything right this time, so why did he feel nothing whenever river said "i love you" to him? why did he feel so uncomfortable when her fur was pressed against his? why did thinking of river as anything more than a good friend feel so bad?

well, kane pulled into himself a lot during this time. confused and lost as to why he's feeling the way he is. well, river definitely noticed the way he tensed up whenever she pressed against him. how he pursed his lips and said nothing every time she said an affectionate phrase. and river is the type to want to deal with issues, so she brought it up- in a bit of a confrontational way.

it wasn't a full-blown fight between the two, it was just river desperately trying to get some sort of reassurance that she is loved by her partner, with kane desperately not wanting to admit that he doesn't.

but since she was sick of beating around the bush, river just asked "do you love me? did you ever love me?" kane didnt say anything, which answered everything.

to say river was distraught is an understatement, and in a fit of anger and sorrow she broke up with him on the spot and left. she had known kane for so long, both as a friend and a boyfriend, and to be indirectly told that she was never even loved by him was soul-crushing. since kane isnt the best at explaining himself, she views the relationship as kane just stringing her along, constantly lying to her to pardon his own feelings. and as a result, river feels extremely betrayed. kane recognizes that he's hurt her and he does feel really really guilty, but he also feels lost and broken because he doesn't know why this keeps happening.

#here comes forrest with another essay #sorry for talking too much about my character's relationship issues. it will happen again #ask #anon #river brooke #kane aera #backstory lore

[pengosolvent]

What makes Sonic Adventure 1&2 your favorite?

i learned my lesson that im too wordy for tumblr and had copy pasted almost everything to word pad.

grew up with them and they have things that touched and/or surprised me as a kid

i have a lot of feelings for e 102 gamma, and sonic adventure 1 itself has a really… specific "exploration" feel to me that stemmed a lot from not really understanding that game devs dont always develop a bunch of extra stuff? this is hard to explain but i didnt treat the world as like… "it makes sense that they made this portion because it has this use mechanically or storywise" it felt more like trying to find secrets in a world where there would (in my mind) be entire swathes of things behind a closed door or something

i think it also helped that sa1 as a game is kind of … disconnected in some ways the flow of progression on where to go and why isnt always the most intuitive (hence little hint orbs around if you get lost)

i didn't really understand in a way that made the game really fascinating also, it helps that i did find weird glitches, like i clipped into the sonic version of a level as knuckles i love the music, i do like the story a lot too, the base concept (replaying levels and stories in ways that focus on different characters (with some contradictions like who won where)) was cool to me

i gravitated a lot as a kid to things that felt like they had logic to them, i just couldnt see what it was just yet i think with sa1 it was easy for me to feel that feeling because sonic was basically a cartoon (what i spent all day watching since my parents were busy) that i could play

theres a solemness to some aspects of sa1 i also really appreciate like… idk… knuckles gives me feelings he's tricked but also he's… alone and just very focused on his goals i don't know there's a lot of breathing room in some ways also the way eggman's voice lines when you play as tails is so much more… like… Negative or scary is a good touch tail's theme can make me cry sometimes

e 102 gamma makes me cry too

i dont know, theres such a particular feeling to the whole game for me that i love

sonic adventure 2 doesnt have hub world exploration and the music is different but i still really liked the story and music i worked really hard to get all 180 emblems in the game (i never managed to get all the emblems in sa1 i think…) i wrote the date i got all the emblems down somewhere

i felt like… when i was a kid it was really hard for me to "understand" story beats? like i watched aladdin so much as a kid that the vhs tape broke, but i didn't really "understand" everything was connected

i think sa2 was something where it actually truly connected for me and i was shocked at the characterization of shadow i really really liked him there is such a huge feeling in… seeing a character do something because they care about someone else and their words… and when shadow realizes he had been misremembering maria's words and wishes, he changes so the care felt real it didn't feel like using maria, it didn't feel like shadow just solely used maria to fuel his own hatred once he understood maria didnt feel the way he thought, he changed how he felt because he genuinely did want to care about what maria felt

it was something that would have touched me as a child a lot, because i was around people who claimed to care but… didn't it felt like i could feel "this is care in a way i would want to experience" or something like that

i cried so much at the end

truthfully i just really appreciate when things are taken seriously but also like… in this way that is not Gritty Realism

i think chuck jones (one of the classic looney tunes director) said something about… cartoons don't have to be realistic, they just have to feel believable the logic needs to be able to be felt and followed, even if its not realistic like, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IyxjkblA6Ok

okay this video is funny but its the first thing i thought of when he says "alright 1 second" and he leaves and INSTANTLY is back… thats not realistic, but its communicating a feeling AND being economical in what is shown? you dont have to see him make the whole cup of hot chocolate (And actually that would break the entire thing if you did see that)

its moving through what is "important" for what is trying to be communicated, wherein something is "believable" to the action you're trying to show

https://youtu.be/yz1iScOFJmM?t=69 heres another example, this time a carton directed by chuck jones, haredevil hare, which is marvin the martian's first appearance it should start 1 minute and 9 seconds in

the dog rockets over to bugs, knocks into him, and theyre entangled

bugs bunny instantly plays with the situation by pretending theyre locked in a romantic embrace this isnt "realistic" but bugs bunny is making it believable! he's playing wit hthe emotional logic of the scene in a moment where the dog would be in a transitional state (confused from knocking into bugs) but bugs doesn't forget the actual stakes, and instantly scrams the moment he sees marvin the martian approach (while the dog reaches for bugs bunny, completely believing the emotional logic bugs had set up earlier)

while marvin is angry at the dog, bugs is able to use this to trick marvin too, wherein marvin's emotional attention is on the dog, so he's not really… checking what happens very thoroughly bugs knows marvin wants to blow up the earth so gives him a special delivery that would work with what marvin wants

he's just… constantly using emotional states and understanding to change the flow of what others do in relation to him (or in this case, earth)

its not "realistic", its "believable" for the character in question (the dog or marvin)

so i feel like… sonic adventure 2 had levels of… unrealism but "believable" for me especially as a kid the emotions felt like things i could understand and follow (like the cartoon characters following bugs bunny's emotional cues) even if they were a bit disjointed at times or outlandish (somethings in the story are definitely. outlandish, moreso if you're someone who wants really particular realism in your stories so something like cartoon animals interacting with the president of the united states is already pushing it)

also chao i love chao

i got a weird glitchy chao by transferring a chao between games on the dreamcast and he had S ranks in everything i loved him … then my game froze

[foreverfiction11691]

My Reality vs Your Reality

DEMENTIA=HELL

One of the hardest things Ive had to witness over the past few years was my gram battling dementia. Dementia really is a ones own personal hell. Imagine being trapped in your own reality and people telling you that what youre seeing isnt really, making you seem like the crazy one..when really its the brain literally lying to you. For the past few years weve been taking care of my gram and decided to place her in at home hospice care last year, since then her health has declined in the past few months. Imagine seeing someone a few weeks ago being able to walk without assistance and do other things without help and then suddenly no longer being able to do those things with help. Its absolutely heartbreaking and I dont wish what were going through on anybody. Ive never knew how bad dementia could be until I saw my gram have an psychiatric episode last week that lasted for 24hrs. It was so heartbreaking having to explain to her that what she was seeing wasnt real. Dementia is evil. It will literally take someone you love and turn them into a completely different person. The hardest part for me was watching her call a dog that didnt exist to show itself to us to prove that she wasnt crazy, even going as far as petting her comforter like it was a dog. So far gone into her reality and not understanding why we didnt understand her. I cant imagine what that must be like, seeing something and being told it doesnt exist and just being completely confused. The visons and hallucinations continue, no matter how many different meds they try. It really doesnt feel right lying to your loved one that you dont see what they see and that it doesnt exist, so we took a trip into her reality. The dog was found by its owner that came to our door, the cat was let outta the house, the people in the hallway left, the little girl on her bed.....I dunno about that one. Easter was Thanksgiving, its crazy how the brain can trick you into believing things because its literally dying, almost like having a bad trip but without the drugs. We, as a family have come to the difficult decision to put her into a facility, as she now requires 24 hr care and care that we can no longer provide. It doesnt feel right, but I do believe that my gram is her transitioning phase to end of life. They have taken her off of most of her meds now and are only giving what she needs for pain now. Im literally grieving someone who is still alive because of an evil, incurable disease. It doesnt feel right, but we know that we must do whats best for her and her safety. Shes the last remaining grandparent I have and at 93, I think shes lived a pretty damn good life, not to mention how many times shes cheated death, but we can only do that so many times. Death comes for all of us, whether were ready for it or not, I just want her to find peace and not suffer anymore, no more pain.

[rusted-sun]

“portals”

“shit! ow ow ow- GAH! WATCH YOUR AIM, BUDDY!”

“oh i’ll watch my aim once i’ve shot you dead for once and for all!”

“fucking hell!” chandler muttered under their breath, as they kept running from that damned player, all while trying to avoid to arrows being shot their way.

the player had been on the hunt for them all day, not letting them stop for a second to catch their breath and get healed enough for safe teleportation.

“if only i didnt have that damn wound on my leg” they thought, “should’ve watched my fucking step and now im sucked into this mess!”

as they kept running trough the dark oak forest, they dug trough their pockets in hopes of finding any loose enderpearls they might have had left. all they needed was one! just one and that would be enough! they needed to get home, and quick! or even anywhere! just away from their current situation would be enough!

“you can’t keep running forever! i can see the blood on your leg you know! you’re gonna break eventually, and i’ll be here waiting for that to happen.”

they kept desperately digging around and... bingo! they got one!

they turned around summoned as much intention as they could muster and slammed the pearl against a nearby tree. upon getting squished like a grape, the pearl opened a portal to what appeared to be a different world.

“oh you’ll be waiting for a while!”

they turned around and closed the portal just in time, before the player even had a chance to even attempt following them trough.

grasping at the nearest wall, chandler tried to get used to the rapid switch of body. it was never fun to feel it shift and change upon entering a different universe, especially when they felt their horns and tail get burned off in a cloud of ash. their scaly skin also melted away in said ash cloud and gave way for a more human-like skin.

once the transformation process was done, they finally looked up to see where they had landed from the portal hopping, since they didnt have enough time to actually think of where they wanted to go.

luckily they had ended up in the alleyway next to the apartment they had been staying at for a while now.

they took a step and- “shit!”

looking down at their scraped up leg they sighed, “guess the adrenaline finally wore down.”

clenching their teeth and trying to look as not in pain as possible, they stumbled out of the alleyway, and trough the building as they rushed to their apartment door, hoping they would be alone and could deal with this in peace without meeting any neighbors.

alas their hopes were futile as 112 was sitting on the couch, and turned to look at the door once its hinges creaked open, and her eyes widened once she saw and smelled the blood reeking off of chandler.

“god, you reek of blood! did a damn bear try to maul you again?!”

weakly shaking their head, they only replied with “medkit, quick... please”

after all that running, they had finally made their way to their bedroom and the relief they felt upon being able to lie down was indescribable, even though every part of their body was screaming in pain. at least they could catch their breath here and not be chased by an axe (and bow) wielding murderer.

and then their door opened, with 112 peeking trough “dude, sorry to interrupt your... whatever you’re doing right now but that leg isnt gonna clean itself. unless you want a nasty infection, that is.”

chandler could only glare at their companion and grumble about how they knew that already. 112 invited herself inside and placed the kit on their dresser and started digging trough it. a quite wince left her once she came to a realization.

“we do have a slight problem...” chandler narrowed their eyes. “we’re out of disinfectant... and painkillers,” she quietly explained.

“why do you need painkill- oh god nevermind!”

jumping at the voice, they turned their head at the door turns out they had been so out of it that they didn’t even notice dark coming home. great, just what they needed.

“cant you just... knock me.. out? i’ll be fiiine..." chandler mumbled, in hopes it’d lessen the concern of their little family.

“no we fucking cant! look at yourself! what even happened?!” dark demanded, but once he was met with a stone cold stare, he knew he won’t be getting anything out of his partner. 

“okay fine, how about this, i go and get meds and 112 distracts actor from coming in so he doesnt make a scene.”

a hum of approval is all he needed to head back out. following his lead, 112 closed the door to their room and went back to sit on the couch and wait.

chandler was left alone.

they stared at the ceiling.

and stared...

and stared..

gasping softly as the perfect idea came to mind, they sat up a bit and reached over for their nightstand. opening the drawer and shuffling around a bit they found exactly what they were looking for.

enderpearls.

they weren’t sure how they managed to get trough the portal from the other universes unharmed and functional, but they arent going to question it now.

speaking of the other universes, that’s exactly where they’d be going now. this time actually in control of the destination. and so they squeezed the pearl in their fist, popping it.

“hnnggg” they groaned in pain as they clutched their head. horns sprouting from their head and tail emerging from their back rapidly. it’s always worse to get the horns and tail back, than it is for them to disappear. didn’t help that they had fallen on the floor due to the other universes bed no longer being there.

getting up from said floor, they clutched the windowsill and stared trough it. perfect! they’re in the end!

slowly waddling to their storage room, they began sifting trough the many chests until they found one with shining pink potions.

regeneration.

removing the cork, they downed it all in one go, instantly feeling their leg heal up, as well as any other minor wounds they might have endured during the chase.

speaking of the chase... what did the hunter do? hm.. oh never mind. they shrugged off the thought, not really caring for them right now, they were just happy to get rid of that annoying scrape.

looking back at the open chest, they noticed a few loose enderpearls and decided to pocket them. just in case.

they closed the chest and made their way to their bedroom, finally wishing to get some actual rest from the havoc of the day.

chandler spent the next while just staring at their ceiling. watching the built in glitters shine as they just relaxed and sank into the mattress, that they once again failed to notice their front door slam open and panicked steps come their way.

when darks hand clutched their shoulders they only blinked and focused in on his face over theirs, chandler let out a quiet “oh, hey.”

“oh thank goodness you’re alive. it took me forever to find you, y’know that?! couldn’t you have left a note on your bedside table before- oh nevermind thats not why im here.”

still in a tired haze, chandler just hummed, questioning what he meant.

“the player was seen at the witch’s hut. im told they were looking for information about dimension hopping. what on earth happened? are they the reason you almost bled out today as well?”

“... yeah, ‘twas an accident, i swear! i panicked. hard”

#chess writes #everyone is so outta character but fuck it im having fun #minecraft au #roommates au #only briefly tho

[charrfie]

Oh I meant the ones in your discomforts!!! Sorry I should’ve specified. I just thought it may come off as intrusive / rude, I’m glad it didn’t bc it wasn’t supposed to

Thank you for specifying!! <3 I can answer, but with some I may not be able to fully go into detail for personal reasons. Since you in your first ask you specified fandoms, thats all I'll be covering!

Without getting into the details, ow*ri no ser*ph and m*stic m*ssanger (censoring not bc the name itself is a trigger but bc I don't want my blog showing up under ANY searches with this) are things my abuser really loved so I can't really bear the thought of them or see pictures from them :^/ not that there's anything wrong with either series (I don't... think? I was never too interested in finding out ANYTHING about them really) but I prefer people to not interact who enjoy them for that reason. Just. For distance's sake (distance between me and the source material that is)

Alien 9 emulators is a different story though! As you may know, I'm a HUGE fan of alien 9???? Like?? Duh??? I feel like it's all I use tumblr for sometimes, just for alien 9 content. That being said alien 9 emulators Fucking Sucks. Basically any alien 9 content that isnt the original 3 volumes/the anime sucks (like alien 9 next, etc). I wrote nearly a whole essay about it one time trying to explain my viewpoints on it so it's hard to simplify my reasons but I'll try (tw csa but I'll do my best to skim over it). Basically: I feel like it's undeniable that a large part of alien 9's story is about children becoming victims of whatever kind of abuse the adults in the series perpetuate. This *includes* csa. That is an INCREDIBLY prominent aspect in the story, and while it is most obvious in kasumi's arcs, it's present in every arc, every character. Granted, it is ALWAYS through metaphor. Leaving you to put the pieces together, as most of the series does even with other topics. So, to quote my essay: "Emulators takes all of those intricately and gently crafted metaphorical plot points and turns them on their heads." The victims break from the healing they were doing, continue the cycle to become abusers themselves, and (though a petty gripe compared to the rest) it retcons SO many things to make way for these twisted fucking metaphors and careless storytelling??? It doesn't even fucking BOTHER to provide some sorry excuse as to WHY it is doing this. THAT is why it's on that list in my carrd

Tldr: alien 9 emulators is horribly disrespectful (and arguably actively harmful) to the very people it originally wished to uplift

#long post #medium long but still #i have so fucking much i could say about emulators it makes me so angry you have no idea #genuinely furious #granted emulators does tell some stories that are important #but they are told in a disgustingly wrong context #with the things i know about the author now though..... it makes a little more sense why the storys course changed so swiftly /neg #lmk if this answered your question though anon!! i hope it helped #tw csa mention #should also specify that yeah. i know people interpret alien 9s story to mean something TOTALLY different than what i do #that comes with the territory (horribly confusing metaphors and symbolism in an already alien world) #but i am NOT willing to budge on my interpretation at fucking all sorry #laika answers

[officehrs]

dont you think youre being too harsh by saying he should be able to communicate with you since he’s an adult? your confession could have hurt his image considering how much time he has alloted to you,, what went from fatherly love is now pity, did you really think coming clean about your feelings would repair what was already broken. you are a kid, you are his student,, you need to know your place. your increasing attachment to him made you lose sight of what was important about the bond you shared

again thanks anon for the questions,, idk if u are the same person or a different one but either way i do really appreciate it!! it makes me think much more critically of how i perceive our relationship and everything that has happened in its course ,, with that being said, this will certainly be a longer post than usual, just so im able to explain everything.

i highly encourage all of you read this — i explain why i sort of hate him now, how i confessed, how he has changed, and why our relationship cant work anymore.

i should clarify that in my other post, i said “he should be able to communicate since he's an adult” not as something i believe now, but something i believed at the worst of our relationship some weeks ago. though this is an idea that subconsciously lingers (because i believed it so intensely!!), since then, i have experienced events in my personal life that have required me to “grow up,” even more, contrary to what i might project here. to believe he has inherent malicious intent or inherent insensitivity in everything he does surrounding me is completely at odds with how i see humanity as a whole. it wasnt and isnt justified, but i was really just desperate to see that immediate reparation of our relationship like you described, and to me it wouldve been, ideally, this sudden blooming and everything being good between us again. but this is impossible, and i wish i could have warned my earlier self of that much more!! he has experienced things that have changed him since last year and i have experienced things that have changed me also. this is something im trying to accept now.

though i was very childish in my reasoning for choosing to confess, i didnt do it without thinking. for that reason, i fight back more strongly against the idea that my confession could have hurt his image in any way. i loved him and i was extremely saddened by him when i wrote what i did, but i did not want to hurt him so inconsiderately, costing his job or reputation for something that (as i wrote, and as u acknowledge) was literally my fault — that being, my attachment to him 😬 so, i did everything in my power to ensure that this would be private and really only painful for myself. its not easy to confess, i promise!! but anyway, i dont remember if i shared this detail (like my other post), but the confession itself was in the form of a letter, sealed by an envelope that i gave to him directly with no one else around. the contents were, then, completely discreet. as for the confession itself, i shared very sensitive and specific information (like being gender non-conforming and the name i go by, which ive never told anyone, and more details about not having emotionally present parents). this essentially means that the only way the confession could hurt his image is if he told someone about its contents, or anything about it at all, which would be an egregious act on his part — he would be the only method of damaging his image, and in fact, he already has throughout the year!! his students tend to feel that he unfairly treats them, and find him pretty stubborn and unlikable. people loved him a lot more last year when he was more free and caring, including me jsladksjks

but dont be mistaken, anon,, you undeniably speak truth in other things said, and im grateful that you can derive that fundamental truth from what i post here, which i unfortunately have to manipulate (in minor ways) in order to protect myself and r, and really everyone. one thing i absolutely enjoy is how you articulated the change in our relationship ("fatherly love to pity") because its very brief, yet applicable in its entirety; in all its implications. although its a bit painful to see him see ME as this sad character who never experiences joy, its for all the wrong reasons. honestly, in my last post i lied — he didnt feel guilty for treating me like garbage, but he felt guilty for recommending me things to do during this time, which i expressed in the confession and after is NOT the problem. this misunderstanding is something that cant be fixed, though. his ideological change prevents him from seeing the reality of the situation the way i see it, because he would have to change the way he sees reality as a whole; if this happened a year ago, he would not pity me at all. i know this sounds very wrongfully confident, but it is true. people complain about him now, and i dont enjoy his presence anymore because he believes in things that oppose the lives of his students. my confession was then even more immature because i thought, basically “i could fix him” 😵‍💫

in this, you are right anon: i am just a kid. i have proven it time and time again in this post alone!! but, you must understand: i am NOT his student, and i havent been this entire year. when we talked monday, 5/16/22 (the same day i cited in my last post) he also said that in many ways, he is not my teacher. in academic terms, i am not his student — i am an assistant to him who helps the people he actually, actively teaches. in attachment terms, i have horribly turned him into a replacement of my father. and in occupational terms, i have surpassed him intellectually in the subject he used to “privately teach” me about, and therefore, he cant really teach me anymore. when i say privately teach, i mean he would tell me things and give me books to read about the subjects we both had interest in (philosophy, and the social sciences), when i would see him after school. but, because he knew very little about both, i quickly became much more knowing of both areas than he is with what he gave me and my own private study. of course, he knows way more about the subjects he formally teaches (film and lit) than i do, but these i am not really interested in, so he could not teach me unless the material is stuff that im not passionate about. there's more, but i dont want to sound like im bragging, and im sure im not making this any clearer ,,, anyway, overall, i agree with you; though im not his student, i need to know my place. and again, this is something i have been trying to reinforce to myself.

i wanted to add a transition to this by saying the last thing brought up is something that i should clarify, but it cant be clarified because i havent ever said it. nevertheless, let it be known that my increasing attachment to him — at least as i perceive it — is not what made me “lose sight of what was important about the bond [we] shared.” i would argue, even, that i never lost sight of what was important about our relationship. but the issue is that his incompatible views of life (in my view) and his constant maltreatment of me and other people (like my best friend too, actually), have been fueling a decreasing attachment to him. really, my only attachment to him now is to how he made me feel and what he once was.

for the both of us, its best that we do not talk to each other anymore, and this is something i wrote in my confession. additionally, my confession has always served as my ultimate presentation of the truth about our relationship. to r, he was glad to be told the truth, and as he said it the day after i gave him the letter, he would rather know than not to know. to me, last year, i wanted to confess the same way on the day i would graduate, and i finally got to do it this year, although at a completely unplanned time. and with this, i conclude my response 🐇

im very sorry if this is incomprehensible — ive been writing this response for 3 hours now, and im extremely worn from it.. regardless, thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to explain,, please continue to do so by raising those questions (you or anyone else)!!

#r #teacher crush #teacher crush community #male teacher crush