#but the way some people on here talk about theories - sometimes theories that stem from absolutely *nothing* - really steams my nuggets

[leothil]

Sad that we apparently have reached a point where people need to be told outright to manage their expectations for an episode of a tv show lest they throw tantrums afterwards.

#listen. i am and have always been on the 'manage your expectations and spec responsibly' train #i personally tend to stay away from spec. i have nothing against it. i may roll my eyes at it if i don't agree but i don't hate it. #but the way some people on here talk about theories - sometimes theories that stem from absolutely *nothing* - really steams my nuggets #because it's like they go out of their way to say 'we *know* this thing will happen' and make their followers believe they have some godly #insight into the show (which is ultimately on the people reading it and accepting it without any critical thinking don't get me wrong) and #when it doesn't happen people rage about how the show was 'baiting' when really all that happened was that someone had an idea and five #other people decided to run with it for whatever reason and suddenly people are acting like it's something we were told by the showrunners #so i really wish people would make it clear when they're just spitballing whatever from someone's idea based on a single frame or something #it's not your responsibility and i get that and no one should feel guilty for having fun on this hellsite but it clearly is a problem among #some group of people that they take everything as literal truth when it comes from a blog they like #man i miss critical thinking and media literacy lmao #anyway. keep having fun but manage your expectations please.

[emotionallychargedtowel]

the pursuer-distancer dyad & how it applies to the world of BL

Not too surprisingly, since I have a psychology PhD, I notice a lot of examples in my BL-watching of psychological concepts related to relationship dynamics and sometimes individual characteristics. I also probably like BLs because I’ve sought them out in part because they present an opportunity to do some complex thinking about relationships and how we approach them. 

A quick thing to note: BL characters are, of course, not real. But their stories resonate with us because they have some kind of relationship to reality. There’s a continuum from very realistic and highly relatable, to heightened for effect (this can make it easier to see certain things clearly, so they can still teach us useful things about real life), all the way to highly unrealistic stuff where we can relate to it because unusual experiences symbolically stand in for something else (see the classic “sure, he’s a murderer, but he’s my babygirl” phenomenon).

This post is about pursuer-distancer dynamics in relationships. I’m going to explain the concept as quickly and simply as I can, then talk a little bit about BL tropes and specific examples. I hope that if I keep writing about stuff like this, this is a post I can link to for background info in the future.

Most of the stuff I’ve seen on pursuer-distancer dynamics stems from Harriet Lerner’s work. She’s a Bowenian family systems therapist with a feminist bent who has written a lot of incisive but accessible books for popular audiences. Family systems theory is a way of looking at relationships as complex systems in which our patterns of behavior are interrelated. Hopefully that last sentence will make more sense after I explain further. For now, let’s dive in.

Here’s Lerner introducing the concepts of pursuers and distancers with a bulleted list from her book The Dance of Anger, excerpted below:

PURSUERS

• react to anxiety by seeking greater togetherness in a relationship.

• place a high value on talking things out and expressing feelings, and believe others should do the same.

• feel rejected and take it personally when someone close to them wants more time and space alone or away from the relationship.

• tend to pursue harder and then coldly withdraw when an important person seeks distance.

DISTANCERS

• seek emotional distance or physical space when stress is high.

• consider themselves to be self-reliant and private persons—more “do-it-yourselfers” than help-seekers.

• have difficulty showing their needy, vulnerable, and dependent sides.

• open up most freely when they are not pushed or pursued.

Sometimes we see these roles happen in clear-cut ways similar to what Lerner describes. But they can also show up in more complex ways. Roles can vary both between and within relationships. In other words, you can be a distancer in one relationship and a pursuer in another, and you can be both a pursuer and a distancer in different areas within the same relationship.

In healthy relationships that aren’t under any particular stress, pursuing and distancing would still happen. But partners would be free to engage in either as needed in a flexible way instead of being stuck in entrenched roles. 

Side note: there’s a difference between pursuing in the sense of wanting to be in a relationship with someone and pursuing a partner emotionally in an established relationship, just as there’s a difference between distancing yourself from a potential partner and distancing yourself from an established partner. I’m including a shot from Semantic Error above because it has a quality that not very many BLs have: the seme seems like he’s be a pursuer in a relationship, and the uke seems like he’d be a distancer.

So, why do we get caught in these entrenched, interrelated roles in relationships?

Lerner sees them as a sort of unspoken deal that we make with people we’re close to because deep down, we want to avoid acknowledging certain needs and the emotions that come with them. It’s a fairly universal thing that human beings both crave intimacy and fear it. But this is hard to acknowledge. It’s tempting to disavow either our need for closeness or our need for independence.

As Lerner puts it:

Emotional pursuers protect emotional distancers. By doing the work of expressing the neediness, clingingness, and wish for closeness for both partners, pursuers make it possible for distancers to avoid confronting their own dependency wishes and insecurities.

It goes both ways. Distancers can convince themselves that they don’t have a need for closeness because their pursuer is holding all of the neediness for them. Pursuers can convince themselves they don’t have any desire to avoid intimacy because their distancer will hold that for them. 

Not only do we make these unspoken bargains within relationships, but our tendencies to pursue or distance inform the partners we choose in the first place. Those of us with a tendency to pursue may gravitate to partners with a tendency to distance, or vice versa.

So, what’s the alternative? Lerner writes that relationships are healthier and more honest when both partners can acknowledge both their need for intimacy and their need for independence. 

Before I move on to BL-specific stuff, a couple things to note. First, the way in which pursuer and distancer roles are complementary is a pattern that comes up in a lot of other relationship roles. There are a number of ways in which we sort of delegate certain relational tasks or emotional states within a relationship and disavow those they have assigned to the other person. Second, the tendency to pursue or distance is related to other factors, such as attachment style, and I may get into some of those in other posts.

So, on to BL tropes. Let’s start by looking at maybe the most foundational BL trope, the seme/uke pairing. I honestly think I’m still working on fully grasping that concept. But of the varying definitions I’ve seen, I much prefer ones that define the seme as the person doing the pursuing and the uke as the person being pursued (rather than putting it in terms of semes as “aggressive” or making gross assumptions about topping and bottoming). It’s pretty obvious from the use of “pursue” here that the idea of a pursuer/distancer dynamic readily applies here, although it doesn’t map on perfectly.

So, what do Lerner’s ideas about pursuer/distancer dyads tell us about the ways BL dyads negotiate closeness?

It helps to explain the appeal of tsundere characters as ukes. Not as a fictional character, but their appeal to a seme. Watching a BL with a sweet seme and a grouchy uke, you might look at that seme and say, “poor thing, too bad he has to like someone who’s so grumpy” and see him as fully and sincerely seeking as much intimacy with the uke as he can get. But why did this person who’s supposedly so interested in intimacy fall for someone so prickly? Pursuers find distancers appealing because they can chase after them all they want and while, hopefully, they’ll catch up to them at times and experience some intimacy, it won’t be too easy. If it was too easy, the pursuer would 1) get more intimacy than they bargained for and 2) have to admit to themselves and their tsundere that they need distance sometimes too.

The reverse is also true. A uke can better afford to distance himself, or push a seme away, because on some level he trusts the seme to continue to pursue.

One thing I didn’t get into above but that Lerner points out: when a pursuer gets fed up with pursuing and not “catching” their partner enough, they tend to engage in what she calls “reactive distance.” This isn’t like when a pursuer calmly and authentically gets in touch with their need for independence and acts on it, making their approach to their relationship more balanced. It’s when a pursuer feels rejected and, well, pouts. I can think of a few examples of this in BLs but the first one that comes to my mind is from To My Star 2. (Spoilers ahead!) Seo Joon spends most of the season doing a serious full-court press to try to get Ji Woo back. In the face of a lot of rejection, some of it distinctly mean-spirited, he just keeps trying. And then, suddenly, he doesn’t. He takes his camper out to the woods where he has no phone reception, and when his management can’t get in contact with him, Ji Woo panics and is afraid something terrible has happened to him. But when he finds him calmly drinking a beer beside his camper, Seo Joon’s manner has changed drastically--he’s cold and dismissive. He still actually wants Ji Woo back. But he’s gotten to the point where he’s hurt enough to get into reactive distance mode. Later in the show, he does something similar. When Ji Woo finally wants to reconcile, Seo Joon is reluctant (for a little while). Chasing Ji Woo (while Ji Woo distances himself) was easier than dealing with all of the questions that come with reconciling with him, like whether he can really feel safe resuming a relationship with someone who ghosted him for a year. (I should note that there seems to be reasonable disagreement about who the seme is in this relationship, if indeed there is one in the strictest sense, but Seo Joon is definitely a pursuer in the family systems sense.)

There are other ways, besides choosing a distancer as their object of interest, in which a pursuer can build in safety mechanisms to make sure their pursuit doesn’t result in more intimacy than they can handle. I’m thinking of Utsukushii Kare here. I have a lot of thoughts here that should probably be in a separate post. I’ll just say that Hira and Kiyoi are both intensely ambivalent about intimacy and that despite Hira largely pursuing Kiyoi and Kiyoi mostly acting as the distancer, they turn those roles inside out and backwards and randomly trade positions. Honestly half my reason for writing this is so that I can pull all of these ideas into an Utsukushii Kare post later because they are a great example about how these dynamics can turn into a tangled mess.

I’ll leave it at that for the moment. As I said above, I’m planning to pull from these ideas for at least one in-depth post on Utsukushii Kare and if there’s interest and I have the time and energy I’ll try doing something similar about some other constructs that apply to BLs in a useful way.

#BL drama #psychology of BL #family systems theory #pursuer distancer dynamic #semantic error #to my star 2 #utsukushii kare #jae young x sang woo #seo joon x ji woo #hira x kiyoi

[gold-rhine]

hiii!! i wanted to start by saying that i LOVE with a passion your writing and fics, literally changed my life ong i dont know if you're currently taking requests or writing for lyney (or any fontaine characters for that matter) but i theres this idea that has been taking over my brain with lyney and him as a sub. (that said, feel free to ignore this if you aren't as familiar with his character and don't feel comfortable enough writing him)

just bear with me here for a second, so we all know that lyney is overprotective with his siblings and presents himself as a reliable person and hides behind his charming and onstage persona (i LOVE the fortress of meropide act where we can actually see farther into his character other than "flirty and charming magician" i also liked how lyney acted after his trial when he and lynette were talking w the traveler as an honorable mention)

then, we can see two versions of him, the version that is "lyney the magician", who was a way with words and is very skilled at deceiving people, flirty and suave he redirects a crowd's attention to focus only on the part (of himself) that he wants people to see. on the other side, we have a more "true" lyney, who is always protective for his siblings in fear that they are taken away from him again, he's impulsive but also genuine. a lyney that sometimes questions himself who he really is, after all of the masks and acts he has taken (character story 4), and also a lyney that wants to protect the home that arlecchino had given him and lynette when they were at their worst. (tbh him without his stage persona really comes off to me as "Im Trying ™")

(all seriousness aside, and this is just a headcanon, i could 100% see lyney in love in his room kicking his feet giddily and pacing around the room thinking of ways to romance his crush, just to go out and act all cool and suave like he wasnt just losing his shit for the last 2 hours) (or maybe im just projecting) (we will never know)

so, how does this play into flith?

imagine lyney having his first time w reader, he's not completely clueless because well, he's obviously an adult (and also this is lyney we're talking about. just look at his design.) i picture lyney overall (not just in sex) really good with theory, but when it comes to practice, he just falls apart.

another thing i also think would be at play is him learning to let go of his mask, of his responsibilities and just relax, let his brain turn into mush and his legs into jelly and let himself be fully naked (both physically and emotionally) in front of someone. how much he trusts his partner also is smth to be taken into account. i dont really see him as a one night stand type of guy.

then, i also think that his trauma with lynette's situation would also show, even though he isn't overly clingy with lynette, he always wants to be by her side, not only because theyre REALLY close but also because he subconsciously he wants to make sure that shes okay. (he even thought about getting a delusion so that they could be together on missions, and even when arle denied him he still tried to get better) i think that this subconscious need for feeling his loved one's presence (to put it in some kind of way) as if they would slip away the first moment he wasnt looking would manifest in the form of him being into handholding, or just overall keeping his hands on his partner, especially when he closes his eyes.

the last thing that i would like to mention is him w a praise kink, which i think would stem from his upbringing in the house of the hearth at least at mostly if not at all, due to searching for arlecchino's approval as a parental figure (setting aside the OBVIOUS father title, whether she intended or not she is the only parental figure the fontaine siblings have, and they do treat her as such, it would be normal for them to seek approval. however since we're talking about a harbinger, idk if that approval was met much, so yeah.) (however these are all assumptions based on how we can think life at the house of the hearth was for the sillies, i have only read lyney's voicelines and character stories and i am too lazy to read lynette's or freminet's, however i do think i am close enough)

LAST THING I SWEAR, with the whole "lynette has cat features and lyney having cat traits" thing. imagine,, lyney hiding his head in the crook of his partner's neck purring when hes too overstimulated... i am on my knees. 🧎

wow. that was a lot. sorry if i made this too long !! i wanted to request smut and ended up making a half assed lyney character study 😭😭 i hope i didn't bore you to death with my ranting, anyways even if you dont feel like writing, i would love to hear your thoughts about this. i love lyney's character with all my heart and i find that he is very fun to think about and explore his trauma character. i sincerely hope that you could find it in yourself to ignore my horrible phrasing skills and yeah.., i dont do requests often but i am desperate for sub lyney content and you have one of the most beautiful writing i have encountered in tumblr smut fics LMAO (if you do decide to write it, dom gn reader please and thank you)

love, lyney obsessed anon <3

oh my god, i didnt even know you can send so much text on anon asdfghjk.

anyway, lyney is not one of my absolute favs so i don't have a phd on him, so im not claiming all my opinions are corrrect, but i do like him a lot, i think he's v cute. i mostly agree with all of your points. what i would say, is that while ofc he has his stage persona, he really does love performance, its clear from his story quest. he enjoys attention, he likes impressing ppl, this is still part of his "real" self. like yes, he is very flustered when he has a crush and he will spend hours pacing around the room giddily and planning what he will do and then play suave, but he also really enjoys pulling it off, doing something special and impressive for his crush and then being admired and praised for it even if - especially if - he was actually nervious the whole time, bc thats part of the thrill, the high stakes!

if i were to write him, i think i'd do like. exhibitionism with a bit of pet play, bc i think he would want to do a show that he would rehearse for hours, and it would actually be pretty hot, but its too ambitious and some things you can't pre-plan without practice, so he *would* fumble things and be flustered, and on this edge of really charismatic and clumsily vulnerable is where his real charm lies.

anyway, i can't promise i'll write him, i assume you don't follow me since you said you don't know what i think of fontaine characters, but if i do, it will be in sub lyney tag so you won't miss it:)

#rhine talks #lyney

[askaniritual]

20 episodes into rgu!!

i took some notes on my phone as i was watching so here r my thoughts organized by what i wrote down as i watched

penetration

my god this show hates penetration. to allow urself to be penetrated is the ultimate form of weakness. the evil man version of anthy and utena are characterized by how badly they want to penetrate and be penetrated. evil man anthy just cannot keep his hands off those rose thorns!! 7 episodes worth of plot around ppl getting so mad they are willing to penetrate the people they care about. when utena is trying to do the right thing she refuses to draw the sword from anthy. it goes on and on

to love under patriarchy is to possess 

i don't know that i actually have that much more to say about this than what i wrote down. the show seems to be drawing a pretty clear line between love (read """"""love""""") that functions as ownership vs love that stems from seeing somebody for who they are. not wanting to own somebody makes you ineligible for penis battling!

innocence is painful

characters who are innocent are doomed to be spurned, rejected, and otherwise taken advantage of. to reject innocence is to understand what you must do to operate in this world. anthy is forced into a permanent state of innocence in her role as the rose bride. etc

seen in reflection

this is a theory i'm kind of still working on but it's sort of about how people are seen. the rose frames, people being viewed through glasses, through windows, from behind glass. one form this takes is the way people are sometimes seen in the reflection of a sword's blade. particularly anthy is visible when utena draws the sword from her. i don't really have a point about this, its just sth i noticed

not a battle anime

i was just thinking about how it's interesting that the battles are actually like. the shortest part of every duel. the show doesn't linger on the fighting, and even goes so far as to cover the worst of the violence with a rose. i can imagine theres somebody out there who's like mad we dont get fully animated battle sequences for every duel and thats rlly funny to me

enough to be happy vs what you deserve

again i feel like maybe a bit self explanatory but it was something i noticed was coming up a lot as i was watching it. i'm really interested in the ways that people sort of strive to create their own happiness in an inherently oppressive system. if the only way to be loved is to be possessed, then characters are forced to accept any acknowledgement of that bond as affection

im realizing that none of this even gets into the stuff i was talking abt on discord today about like mythmaking and what makes something "real" and the way repetition creates reality which binds people to systems of power. god there is so much to talk abt in this show

#egg world

[vifetoile]

Legend of Zelda rant

We start by talking about shipping. Then it moves on to reincarnation theory. Then I contemplate a LOT of different possibilities for Ganondorf. The generational divide in Zelda fandom.

It's not that I don't like Zelink. SS! Zelda and Link have a good story at work. WW! is way charming, I love it. BotW!Zelink feels like it flows beautifully from SS! Zelink. I've written some of my best fic about BotW (monster, climbing rose). Sometimes Zelink really works for me.

What I don't like is the idea that Zelink are destined soulmates in every lifetime.

In Ocarina of Time, there's powerful development for Zelink... but I find Malink more satisfying. In Twilight Princess, you will tear Midlink from my cold dead hands. I find Zelda and Link's bond to be more interesting in that every lifetime, it manifests in a different way.

Here on Tumblr I'm seeing these ideas like... As Zelda is the reincarnation of Hylia, Link is the reincarnation of the Fierce Deity. In the Realms of the Gods they loved, and as they were reborn, their love story plays itself out again and again, without fail.

(Variant: Link is the Reincarnation of the Chosen Hero, but the rest still applies)

Of which it necessarily follows that all Zeldas are reincarnations in a chain, and all Links likewise.

Maybe I have reincarnation on the brain (okay, I wrote a whole fic about that too, as ummi), maybe nobody else is seeing it this way.

I could buy that all Zeldas are reincarnations in a chain, stemming from the original, Hylia.

(Millennial note: I realized, my Zelda entry point was Ocarina of Time. To me Din, Nayru, and Farore are all-powerful. I was pretty young, I imprinted on it like a duckling.)

Does Link reincarnate? My first answer is no.

I mean, he could, but somehow that seems unbalanced. Which leads to, the only way I accept that Link is a chain of reincarnations, is if Ganondorf is on the exact same playing field.

Let's pivot, what would it look like if Ganondorf were an antagonist, of greater or lesser magical abilities, rather than a terrible evil force, every single time around? In short, if this were more like a series of novels, written by, well, yours truly.

Ocarina of Time Ganondorf is a hotblooded Prince of Thieves, a sorcerer still mastering his art, proud, strong-willed, honorable in his way, and eager to be the best leader to his people. He gets corrupted over the course of the story. This Ganondorf is more youthful and impulsive, unlike---

Wind Waker Ganondorf, who is honestly the best Ganondorf the series has ever done. In my novel series, WW Ganondorf has an emphasis on his eerie sorcery, mysticism, astrology. This distinguishes him from---

Twilight Princess Ganondorf, whose specialty is battle magic. He's shrewd and yet capable of terrifying strength when necessary. Military background.

Skyward Sword Ganondorf is Groose.

Breath of the Wild of course, Calamity Ganon. There are stories passed down among the Gerudo, stories not for the ears of outsiders. Only whispered over cactus mojitos in the dead of night (but fortunately you can eavesdrop through an open window).

They say Calamity Ganon was begotten by the terrible wind that sweeps over the desert. They say he was a demon that played a flute which drove the Gerudo mad with greed. Once upon a time, they say, there was a woman who longed for a son, and she made a terrible bargain...

And so on.

Or you could have Ganondorf be a treacherous Grand Vizier to the King! An obstructive bureaucrat! An ally of any description! Please just something new, Nintendo

Bring back Koume and Kotake. Dude, imagine any of the above Ganondorfs with mothers. (The Calamity was made when the Icy Wind and the Fiery Wind decided to make mischief...)

Anyway, it seems to me that this whole idea of (deep breath)

Hylia continually reincarnates as Zelda, the Chosen Hero or Fierce Deity continually reincarnates as Link, they fall in love in most lifetimes if not all

Would have its most ardent supporters in those who imprinted (like baby ducklings) on Skyward Sword as I imprinted on Ocarina of Time.

And that's why Zelink is not my OTP.

thank you for coming to my ted talk

#the legend of zelda #nintendo #video games #my writings #zelink #shipping #link #zelda #my posts

[bostoniangirl85]

‘Inspector Gadget’ (1983) episode review: ‘Movie Set’

I’ve been tinkering with a fic featuring Lana Lamour and rewatched the episode “Movie Set”, which led me to do this episode review. There’s a lot of my random headcanons in here, so this is a long one.^^

I love Chief Quimby’s theme that plays whenever he appears. Character themes are such a trademark of 80s and early 90s cartoons.^^ Also, after watching the entire original series I’m convinced Quimby is a secret agent and his title of Police Chief is just a cover. Same with Gadget.

In regards to Gadget’s binocular vision, it’s hard to tell from the episodes since they deploy so quickly, but it looks to me like the binoculars emerge either from Gadget’s fedora, or it’s also possible they deploy from his eyelids. I just really like the idea of Gadget’s gadgets being part of his body as well as his hat. The Gadget hands emerge from his hat, but it’s also possible that some of the larger gadgets like the ‘copter and ‘brella emerge from Gadget’s body. We never get a definitive answer from the series so this is always fun to explore in fanfics.^^ Plus if so many gadgets were in the hat, and the hat was ever lost or damaged, it would make Gadget very vulnerable and I just can’t see Professor Von Slickstein being so careless as to make Gadget so dependent on his hat.

I just love the little detail that Gadget’s modifications to the paper airplane actually did make it go farther. I think this shows that in some ways Gadget’s brain functions just fine, just not in the correct order as other people.

I mentioned this before, but I’m convinced Lana Lamour was modeled/inspired by Lana Turner. The physical similarities are too clear, and Turner was known for playing femme fatales in her films.

Okay, this can’t be ignored - Gadget’s behavior does not put him in the best light in this episode. Gadget in the original series is definitely a ladies’ man, and I can’t help but wonder if on some level Gadget knows that some people may view him as a freak/not fully human. Gadget is oblivious in the 80s cartoon, but he’s not stupid either. He has moments of true clarity and insight, and we can’t deny that he’s incredibly brave (even if that bravery stems from ignorance). I discussed this in another post a while ago, but we don’t known how much of Gadget’s body is machine vs. flesh and blood. Can he have children? Can he have a fully physical relationship with someone else? My personal theory is that Gadget knows deep down on some level that others may not see him as human, and he subconsciously tries to overcompensate with being overly confident, combined with whatever happened to his memories when he was first turned into a cyborg. If Gadget were in his right mind and his memories not impaired, I think he would have no trouble finding a partner because he is very charismatic and has a lot of confidence. Unfortunately as he is now with his scrambled Brain Gadget sometimes comes across as arrogant, even if he’s coming with the best of intentions.

Now let’s talk about Penny. I love how she’s clearly annoyed with Gadget’s behavior at the beginning of the episode and scolds him to focus on his assignment. Which leads to an interesting thought if Penny ever wishes for a mother figure? We don’t known what happened to Penny’s parents, or if Gadget is her uncle by blood/marriage/adoption, but I’m sure as Penny got into her teens she would want some guidance from a woman. I don’t think Penny would ever begrudge Gadget getting married and finding a partner, but Penny is very protective of Gadget also and I think her annoyance is equal measures concern for Gadget and not wanting him to get hurt, and not wanting someone like Lana as a stepmother in her life. Penny’s got enough on her plate already.^^

And maybe Penny’s juuuust a bit jealous when she sees Lana in person and mutters, “she doesn’t look so great.” I love that moment.^^

(Gadget to Penny): “I’ll already have my hands full with Lana.” *face-palm* Good lord, Gadget, your niece is 10! Only in the 80s could you have these sorts of lines, lol.

I wonder if Lana was an actress before joining M.A.D., or vice versa? I’m going with that she was an actress first (though not quite A-list Hollywood) and joined M.A.D. at some point in her career for her own reasons. Also, I think her accent is fake for her role - she just uses it as a cover but doesn’t actually talk like that. My personal headcanon is that Lana has a New England/Yankee accent but quickly learned to hide it so she could advance in the film industry.

How can Gadget not recognize Penny when she’s tied up right in front of him?! There’s only two possible explanations - either Gadget’s memories and ability to recognize faces are truly impaired, or he’s a damn fine actor. He also doesn’t seem to question why Penny and Brain are at the set at the end of the series. I’m assuming it’s the weekend or summer vacation.

That’s about it for now - let me know your thoughts!  :)

#inspector gadget 1983 #inspector gadget episode reviews #inspector gadget episode: movie set #lana lamour

[affectiondeficitdisorder]

Attachment vs Addiction: Where does style end, and diagnosis begin?

I was recently asked what my attachment style is. I didn’t know what to say. Is “un” a style? I’m also not clear on my love language. Something with a hard-to-decipher accent, I suspect. 

Love languages, attachment styles… I don’t think love addicts fit well into these relationship categories. We are not the average Dear Prudence reader. We are the few, the proud, the neurochemically distinct. At least, I think we are. But I could be wrong. Maybe love addiction is just a dysregulated attachment style? 

I got curious so I did some research, because that’s what the internet is for. Unless you’re a sex addict, in which case it’s for pornography.

In a nutshell: Attachment theory was first proposed by British psychoanalyst John Bowlby back in the 1950s, and refined by his work with developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth in the 1970s. The idea is that a person’s comfort and confidence in close relationships – mainly but not exclusively romantic – is set up in early childhood, essentially based on how safe an infant feels with its caregiver/s. Safe = Secure Attachment. Unsafe = three flavors of Insecure Attachment.

Inconsistent or unreliable parenting leaves the child with unmet needs (“affection deficit disorder,” one might say) and sets them up for insecure attachment. That push-pull between a yearning for intimacy and a fear or rejection is factory installed. So the good news is, this isn’t a series of stupid choices you made. You didn’t just fuck up. The bad news: You can’t go back and unfuck it.

 The basic Attachment Styles are: 

Secure Attachment: The good one. Fewer than half the population (as few as 15%, according to some researchers) can boast of this. You need to have had consistent and reliable parents, preferably in a strong partnership. I haven’t met many of those parents, personally, but then you have to consider the circles I move in. Individuals with secure attachment feel comfortable with intimacy and trust their partners. They can express emotions openly, manage conflict healthily, and value both independence and connection.

If your parents were absent, or drunk, or mentally ill, or untrustworthy in other colorful ways, you end up with insecure attachment. There are three basic insecure attachment styles:

Anxious Attachment: Sometimes called “fearful” or “ambivalent” attachment. These are people who crave closeness but fear rejection. They might be clingy and seek constant reassurance, constantly on the lookout for signs of a partner’s disapproval. This is the “never leave me” partner, even in abusive situations.

Avoidant Attachment: Those with avoidant attachment prioritize independence and downplay the importance of intimacy. They fear commitment, may be uncomfortable expressing strong emotions, and can push partners away to avoid feeling vulnerable. This is your basic player.

Disorganized Attachment (Fearful-Avoidant): This attachment style usually stems from childhood trauma. Individuals with disorganized attachment desperately desire connection yet desperately fear it. They struggle with trust and can behave erratically in relationship. “Come here go away” is their motto. 

So which one am I, you ask? Nosy parker. But I was curious, too, so I took a test. (I liked this one, but there are tons online.) Turns out, I am… sort of all of them. Light on the Secure, naturally, mostly Avoidant, but with a healthy dollop of batshit Disorganized. 

Here, look:

Disorganized attachment folks say stuff like “Relationships are confusing.” “People let you down.” “My partner is unpredictable.” “My partner says I’m unpredictable.” “Sometimes, I mentally check out because it’s all too much.” “I want to be close, but I’m afraid of getting hurt.” “Getting hurt is inevitable.” We don’t make a lot of eye contact. I can relate.

Avoidant attachment people might say, “I don’t see the point of talking about my feelings. Feelings are overrated.” “I don’t like to depend on people or ask for help. I’d rather do things myself.” “I can seem standoffish or like I don’t really care.””I need time to myself.” “I’m fine on my own.” I can relate to this, too.

Anxious attachers would say (albeit probably not out loud) “I want to be with you or in contact with you all the time.” “I’m terrified that you’ll leave me.” “I need constant reassurance of your love and commitment.” “My insecurity makes me jealous.” “Is there something wrong with me that makes you pull away?” This I don’t relate to as much, although I have stayed with a few men it would have been healthier to leave. 

Which of these, then, is the love addict? In my experience, it can be any of them, except maybe for secure. We are anxious attachment squared. Avoidant attachment on steroids. Disorganized attachment on crack. Sometimes literally with the crack…. We love addicts can get addicted to whatever kind of attachment we are in at the moment, because first and foremost we are addicts. And addiction is the result of a more complex soup of causes than just your parental units. 

As you know, I subscribe to the three-alarm fire theory of addiction: To make a decent fire, you need to have something to burn, a match to light the flame, and oxygen to keep it going. Adverse childhood experience (ACE) — like inconsistent and unreliable parenting — might be the match that lights the firewood. But you have to have dry kindling to start with, and that’s the brain chemistry you were born with: Inefficient reward transmitters, lousy dopamine receptors, all the stuff I’ve been writing about lo, these many years. 

And of course you have to have an environment that keeps the fire raging. Nightclubs and dating apps are great for that. Harems and convents, not so much. Absent any of these elements and your attachment style is just… your style, like Business Casual or Vintage Bohemian.

Me, I like cargo pants and combat boots and lean Fearful/Avoidant. Neither makes me an addict. Attachment styles I can learn to change. Addiction I get to recover from. Cargo pants and combat boots… those are just fatal.

#love addiction #love addict #romance #relationships #anxious attachment #avoidant attachment #attachment styles #disorganized attachment #dopamine

[flyingcookierambles]

Uuugfdhheahehehwhshsvshdheje

last night at dinner my sister's new conspiracy theorist boyfriend started talking about his mental health history and about his anxiety and stuff and how Cognitive Behavior Therapy helped him and how he stopped taking his anxiety and depression meds because he figured that it was all in his head so he just had to think his way through it. Plus he doesn't think that there's enough research on depression pills. And I'm just like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAA

Like yeah depression ans anxiety sick and wow good for you for finding a good therapist that works for you and congrats on not needing medication to overcome your issues but the way he worded it + knowing about his family's background of being super religious and anti-vax makes me worry s lot bc I know that this guy is going to convince my sister that all mental issues can be solved by CBT and people should stop taking medication and stuff. Like. He is really convinced that he will be helping people with this advice. And he seems to mean well and all but like just because something worked for you doesn't mean that it will work for everyone. Yeah maybe some people don't need to take medication but others do. Maybe some people can use CBT techniques to overcome their mental illnesses and sometimes it doesn't work on others. Like. YOU NEED TO WORD THINGS CAREFULLY. I TOOK ACTUAL CLASSES IN COLLEGE ON MEDIA LITERACY AND WRITING SCIENCE FOR THE PUBLIC. YOU HAVE TO WORD THINGS CAREFULLY.

my idiot immature impressionable 21 year old younger sister hates reading and when she does read she reads basic romantic YA published Wattpad stories like After and stuff. she only watches shitty Netflix teen romcoms and CW shows. She literally didn't know the difference between County, country, and continent. This new guy who probably gets his information from some blog or forum that also features theories on why sandy hook was fake and why Bigfoot is real is like. 28 or 29 years old.

UDHEHWHWEJWJSJDJEJEHSJDJENWNWNDNDJEKEKFKFKRELSLFKFNEWNJWWK I HATE IT HERE

Like yeah maybe CBT will help with some of my sister's issues but there are other issues that she faces that her white cis het boyfriend doesn't that CBT can't just fix. In high school her class was awful and racist and called her things like dog eater and zipper head and chink even tho we are the whitest Chinese American in town thanks to our white parents and transracial adoption and ive read that CBT doesn't help with external factors much like racism. You can't just rationalize that stuff away or think that it's all in your head for external issues like that. UUUGFJHSHAAHWHAHWJEHSJSKSZK ripping my hair out jsjssjdjsjsjsndbajakskdkdk

The weird thing too is that the new boyfriend said that during his younger years he was surrounded by a lot of child death?? He got scared by watching House the TV show or something too? HOw you can go from wanting to stay health and not die to being distrustful of doctors and scientists who are trying to keep you alive is frankly insane to me.

ONCE AGAIN I HATE IT GET ME OUT OF HERE I DON'T WANT THIS CRAZY ANTI-SCIENCE THOUGHTS IN MY HOUSE WHEN I'M LITERALLY A STEM MAJOR (not that it worked out but you know) AND HAVE MADE MULTIPLE BIOLOGY AND PRE-MED FRIENDS IN COLLEGE AJDJDJWJWJSJSHWHAHSHEHEHSHDHDJEEJSJDBDBEBCIFORPWWMDBRBWUDIFBRBEWJXIFKRNWBSJFKRNEBSDJ CRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGEEEEEEE HELP

ugh it they have kids and those kids get like. Idk. Polio or small pox or something bc he convinced my sister to not have them vaccinated and they end up in an iron lung or dead or whatever I'm just going to be like. Your brought this on yourself for believing some random internet stranger named Gary or something instead of a professionally trained person.

[colorisbyshe]

What are your opinions on transandrophobia/transandromisia as a concept?

There are people who have and will say it much better than me but:

these specific terms were created by a transmisogynist (among other things but i'm not a cash register, i don't have the receipts rn, google it on your own dime and time)

so, when you strip away these specific terms, you have to resort back to the OG term for this: transmisandry

when you ... look at it that way... yeah it looks a bit fucking silly, doesn't it? bringing back the term misandry from the clutches of MRAs looks fucking ridiculous

transmisogyny exists as a term to denote how transphobia and misogyny meet, intersect, and then amplify each other. misandry and transphobia are not amplifying each other, as misandry does not exist EVEN WHEN marginalized men have unique experiences, pressures, and struggles

i think we can talk about the experiences of trans men without trying to make a transmisogyny-equivalent for it. this phenomenon happens a lot, women will make a term for their unique experiences (which inherently acknowledges that men, ALSO have unique experiences) and men go "we want a term too," completely missing... why the women need a specific term (ie MISOGYNY). and in doing so often embrace really problematic terms from sketchy origins just to have an equal (see what happened with trying to find an "equivalent" to sapphic)

to get to the crux of it:

trans men experience transphobia and they experience misogyny (people of ALL genders experience harmful ramifications stemming from the hatred of women, even cishet men; the fact that toxic masculinity exists is because men police other men to punish them for any associations with womanhood, of course it's more complicated (and racialized and ableist and classist) than that but i'm sticking to the relevant bits here). they don't need specific language because... we already have that language. a trans man getting shit care or struggling with insurance coverage for a pap smear is stemming from misogyny... and transphobia, not a unique moment where they amplify each other, for one example.

and imo a lot of these "let's focus on the trans MEN" dialogues often stem from... a very transmisogynistic (and sometimes just... misogynistic) place. it's very clearly a reactionary movement that seems less focused on actually uplifting up men but more on... decentering, punishing, or excluding women. a lot of the rhetoric around it seems to be about trans women have gotten too much focus or even frame them as oppressors/aggressors towards trans men when that's literally not possible (unless it is on another axis of oppression ie white trans women towards trans men of color).

there's a general obsession with framing trans men and trans women as societal equivalents when it's not true. and it's embarrassing to claim such. and no this isn't some "oppression olympics" thing, it's just... a basic acknowledgment of how how existing together on one axis of oppression (transphobia) does not mean you hold the same standing in society on all other axes. this is... basic theory. men still have a different place in society than women, even when the legitimacy of their manhood/womanhood is in "question" by a transphobic society.

I've written more than I wanted to on this and I'm still missing a lot of context I think is essential to this dialogue but like... as a TME person I'm aware of how people talking shit about transmisandry (I'm sorry, not using those terms) is then turned around as fuel to attack trans women. I know how any refutations of these terms is perceived as an attack because people can't be fucking normal.

No more discourse asks. I'm an aesthetics/bitch about my life blog now. This shit should be common sense.

And I know it's common sense because I don't see any of y'all trying to come up with gay man equivalent of lesbophobia because y'all know that's fucking stupid and unnecessary *slams hands on wood three times loudly enough it can be heard across the globe* Apply the same logic here. Think for two minutes

#transmisogyny cw #misogyny cw #transphobia cw

[classic80sand90smovieloves2]

Meeting and Dating Ian Malcolm

(Not my gif)(Requested by anonymous)

(When I tell you I love this man.)

- You and Ian meet when you attend the same STEM related conference; though it would be more accurate to say that you met while you attended a conference that he was lecturing at. 

- Nevertheless, you were both in the same room and wound up interfacing before the meeting was over; an interaction that would lead to a very interesting and at times exasperating relationship. 

- You found him fascinating; just like pretty much everyone else in the crowd, someone who had a big, entertaining personality in a field that so often lacked personality. You liked him the minute he opened his mouth. 

- He, in turn, thought that you were gorgeous and found himself falling for you the minute he locked eyes on you. He was looking forward to the moment he could slink off stage and find a way to talk to you. He did so right after he finished his speech and the applause settled down.

- He artfully found his way through the crowd and managed to convince the person beside you to switch their seat, taking it for himself after the starry eyed boy got up. 

- The two of you sat in silence for a little while before he leaned over and introduced himself, shaking your hand for a lingering moment before you both turned your attention back to the stage. 

- Another beat of silence passed between you before he leaned over and murmured a funny comment to you, reveling in the way you tried to hold back your smile. You spent the rest of the meeting trying to stifle your laughter as your new ironic commentator continued his jokes and flirtation. It certainly made the conference more enjoyable. 

- Once the shows over and everyone begins to clear out, he asks if you’re doing anything before asking if you’d like to go out and grab a couple of drinks or talk someplace. 

- That's how you find yourself seated next to him at the bar of a nice little restaurant, listening to him explain the chaos theory in detail and trying your best to digest everything that he’s saying; along with your drinks. 

- Along with his mathematical explanations, he also provides a lot of compliments and flirtation. You spend the evening feeling like the most important and sought after woman in the world

- Since you could easily; and very accurately, consider that little get together to be your first date, let’s move on to your first kiss. 

- It’s a date or two later that the two of you share it. You don’t want to give in too easily; even if you want to kiss him a lot sooner, so you play coy until you cant take it any more and the moment feels perfectly right. 

- Perfectly right seems to mean the middle of your kitchen after you invited him in for some coffee but hey, to each their own. 

- Nevertheless, you’d invited him into your home after one of your dates and gone to your kitchen to get the two of you your drinks. He’d followed you in and when you handed him his cup of coffee, he’d leaned in, pressed his lips to yours and given you a soft kiss.

- When he pulled away, he smiled at you, raised his mug, and gave you a somewhat teasing thank you before he lead the way into your living room. 

- One mug lead to another and you've been staying up late with each other ever since. 

- Ian suffers from a deplorable need to constantly be touching you. On top of that, he really isn’t too preoccupied with how other people feel so Pda is very common and performed very shamelessly.

- His arm is usually wrapped around you in some way, whether it be draped across the back of your chair, wrapped around your shoulders, or haphazardly thrown in front of you while a T. Rex is charging towards you.

- Tight hugs; which usually means that you’re being somewhat picked up since he’s so goddamn tall.

- Having your hair played with; oftentimes while he uses his flirtation on you.

- Knee squeezes. His hand belongs to your knee whenever he can’t wrap his arm around you.

- He loves cheek kisses. He loves the sort of showing off feel of them whenever you’re in front of someone else; and he just loves how soft and sweet they are.

- Slow, passionate kisses.

- Oftentimes, you wind up sleeping in the crook of his arm; usually with your head resting against his chest. That being said, the two of you also just cuddle haphazardly, snuggling in any which way you can, your limbs entangled and your bodies relaxed.

- He tends to call you honey or baby but, considering the fact that he calls his daughter Queen, my goddess and my inspiration, there’s room for a few more over dramatic pet names in your relationship.

- Waking up together. Ian's a math professor so, depending on both your schedules, you’re usually getting up around the same time. Although, if you get up earlier than he has to, he’d definitely; somewhat begrudgingly, adapt to your schedule.

- The two of you are attached at the hip a lot of the time. If you choose to go somewhere, he’s bound to follow; whether that be to keep you safe or just because he enjoys spending time with you is anyone’s guess.

- Working on separate things while you’re together. Sometimes couples just want to be in the same room while they do their own thing and I think that’s beautiful.

- Going shopping together. He’s a fan of clothes shopping, groceries, not so much.

- He likes trying out new things and going to all those different places that pop up in town so the two of you visit a lot of new restaurants and shops.

- Going out to dinner at nice restaurants. He’s the Rockstar of the math community so of course he’d want to take you to a few high end places; whenever he could afford it that is.

- Traveling around the world together. Whenever he has to go somewhere, he likes taking you with him.

- Being in the crowds of his conferences and public appearances. You like cheering him on and he appreciates the fact that you’re always there for him; even if he doesn’t necessarily need the support.

- Ian isn’t the greatest at keeping his word and he can get really caught up in his work to the point where he forgets important things, but he does always try his best to make things up to you whenever he can.

- Becoming close with Kelly. She enjoys living with you when her mother can’t be bothered and Ian’s bogged down by work. He loves both his girls dearly so the fact that you get along with each other is very important to him.

- You get to use the fact that you’re with Kelly as an excuse to go do stupid and somewhat childish things like visiting arcades and county fairs. Not that you couldn’t do that without her but I think you know what I mean.

- Movie nights; usually with him and Kelly.

- Museum dates.

- He genuinely thinks that your weird interests and quirks are endearing and fascinating. Other people would consider them strange, Ian considers them to be a compelling part of your personality.

- Seeing you talk about things that you’re passionate about is one of his favorite things in the world. He thinks that drive to learn and do and the intelligence that you possess is extremely sexy.

- Sometimes he’ll just look at you like he wants to eat you alive and it’s extremely problematic. Sir, we are in public.

- Lots of flirting. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been together, he still enjoys making you flustered and treating you like the prettiest girl he’s ever seen.

- Unnecessary and frankly disrespectful noises. If he doesn’t stop making salacious growls at you, you’re gonna have to act up.

- Letting him explain all his different theories and findings to you. He loves showing off and having your undivided attention.

- Breaking rules together. If you aren’t keen on doing so, he’d definitely tease you for being a goody goody.

- He carries around a flask most of the time so the two of you can always just park somewhere and drink together whenever you feel like. Some of your best memories take place in his car, passing around a little metal container and talking about nothing in particular.

- Sarcasm drips from this mans every pore so you should try to get used to it. As annoying as it can be, it does make for some funny comments here and there.

- Snarky comments; whether they’re directed at you or someone else. Ian can be a bit of a bastard so don’t be surprised when his mouth opens and something mocking comes out. Just be prepared to occasionally slap his arm and stop him from being a total ass to people; even if it’s justified.

- Corny little jokes.

- Trying to keep him from verbally destroying people. He’s very verbal about his opinions so chances are, he’s going to speak his mind at one point or another and you might not want to be there when he does.

- He’s a voice of reason for just about everyone on Earth so if you need someone to tell you when you’re being stupid, he’s perfect for you.

- Sticking with him and being there for him after everything happens. He changes very drastically in the following years after meeting Mr. Hammond but you love him no less.

- No matter what people may think of him, you still defend him and proudly stand by his side. You’ve learned to ignore the opinion of others and not entertain their gossip.

- Helping him deal with the trauma that comes with almost getting fucking eaten.

- Ian doesn’t get jealous very often. He’s secure enough in himself and knows that you wouldn’t cheat on him, but every now and again, if you’re particularly close to like a colleague or something, he’ll show some signs of jealousy. Mainly, he’ll just ask a bunch of questions about them and your relationship; all the while trying to play it off as normal curiosity.

- Ian is incredibly protective of you; particularly after the events of Jurassic park. He’s willing to do whatever he can to keep you safe; even if it means endangering himself or doing something that scares the hell out of him.

- The two of you don’t fight extremely often; and you rarely have very serious fights, but you do have an argument from time to time. He may say something sarcastic or hurtful in the heat of the moment on occasion but he never means it and he always immediately apologizes.

- Very few fights last overnight. He’s usually so quick to apologize and try to sort things out that you’re back on track in no time. Under his egotistical shell, he’s really just a big softie who wants things to be alright between the two of you.

- He tells you that he loves you a perfectly average amount of times; not too much and not too little. And he loves hearing you say it back or just tell him that you love him for no real reason.

- Ian legitimately loves kids. Like he’s fully prepared to get married and start a family with you at any given moment. Believe me, you just say the words and he’ll pop the question.

#ian malcolm imagine #ian malcolm imagines #ian malcolm headcanons #ian malcolm headcanon #jurassic park imagine #jurassic park imagines #jurassic park headcanons #jurassic park headcanon #90s movie imagine #90s movie imagines #90s movie headcanons #90s movie headcanon

[akookminsupporter]

About the different standards between TK and literally every ship and jikook comes down to mostly, in my opinion, homophobia.

With every other single ship in bts it basically comes down to basic bestie moments and skin ship. And every member in bts are fairly attractive men, TK specifically being voted number 1 handsome man and number 1 sexy international man. Its a visually pleasing pair that allows people to enjoy a fantasy. Enjoy creating moments. It's literally fiction. And that's fine (to a point, TK has a tendency to take way too f*cking far). Its literally part of the kpop culture to allow those fantasies and fictions.

Jikook though, they make people uncomfortable because they threaten the fantasy. People cannot even include them in a fantasy because they break it so often. Their moments are too tender and too romantic and too real. They go past the skinship, they go past the general "I'm a decent person and care about you so obviously I'm nice to you" moments. They also threaten every other single fantasy created for other ships just by existing next to each other. I'm an avid supporter of their relationship and fully believe they are in love and are boyfriends. And even i sometimes get uncomfortable watching them together simply because I feel like I'm intruding in an intimate moment that I shouldn't be allowed to watch. Lmao and part of that stems from how they talk to each other, part from how they touch each other, stare at each other, support each other, etc. I won't get into WHY I believe they are real, thats been talked to death over here lol, just that I think they are.

And the simple fact that jikook exists negates every other ship from being real. And I don't think its just opinions about TK not being close anymore. They literally said it themselves, that makes it fact. Even TKKs could see it, the amount of theories and posts and complaints about how there was a "drought" of TK content and obviously BH was hiding stuff from 2016 to 2019 was INSANE. Over the top. They KNOW but they don't WANT to know. It threatens the fantasy so they ignore it. I will say that personally I have been seeing a mark difference in TK interactio since ITS and I absolutely love and adore seeing them try and rebuild that friendship back up and become closer. I think for a long time they were mostly coworkers and friends but they were not besties and definitely were never romantically inclined. And this is nothing against them. I LOVE them. JK is my wrecker and Taes voice is one of my favs. They are goofy and silly and troublemakers and are some of the cutest members ever when they have their REAL moments. I love seeing it!

Honestly Taekook REVOLVES around jimin. Both members are obsessed with that man. TK lies and many other have this narrative that JM gets in the way or inserts himself between them or is causing problems when its actually taekook that drag him into everything. If Taekook WAS real (and they aren't, but lets pretend) then they are trying VERY very hard to make Jimin their third. They would both choose jimin first over each other and have proven it time and time again. Jimin is the center of that triangle, not anyone else. Lol and he is the center because JK is his boyfriend and Tae is his bff. He is their glue and they love him almost too much. But if Tae had to choose, he would pick Jimin. And if JK had tochoose, he would pick Jimin. That alone disqualifies TK from being real. Lol

And lastly (sorry for this giant ass essay!) I've seen all the talk about Jimin and femininity and how the fandom sees him and i generally hate it. The intro to bts videos never give him the credit he deserves but only ever focus on his insecurities, etc. He has an extremely dominant personality and is a very natural leader. RM has stated multiple times that he has gone to JM to talk about leadership things and that he leans on him alot. JM has stepped up to mediate fights between members as well. He is not a soft fragile little girl like most of the fandom seems to like to paint him as. Have you seen the clips where Jimin tells JK what to do? "Stay here" "sit down" and jk just.... does.... jimin is IN charge. He lets JK be on equal footing with him because he loves him. Not because he is a pushover. Jk also doesn't just listen to any of his other hyungs the way he listens to jimin. There is a reason there are those "I'm large but he is in charge" comps around.

I also agree that if I were to name the touchiest members, it would be Tae, Hobi and JK. They are all very tactile people. If I were to name the flirtiest members it would be Tae and Jin. (Don't get me started on taejin on stage because wtf are boundaries?? But no, I also don't really think they are real either) but seriously Jin flirts with Army like there is no tomorrow and is very receptive to verbal flirts/praise. Tae flirts with everything and anything. Lmao I wouldn't be surprised to see him giving his trademark bedroom eyes to a tiny tan statue next. And the way he flirts on weverse to army is next level. Jimin mostly just gives touches to those who crave it and praise to those who want it. And he mostly just honestly actually flirts with jungkook.

Jimin IS touchy, but he also keeps to himself. Every member has said that when jimin struggles, they have to pry it out of him to get him to lean on them or accept their comfort. (JK doesn't seem to have that much trouble with it though 👀). And every single member has at one point said that when they need comfort, they go to jimin. And that Jimin gives the best hugs. He is very sweet and very caring, but that doesn't make him have less of a dominant personality. I always think of Jhope reaching out to bring Jimins arms around him when he cried on his birthday. Or Jin accidentally missing a beat on stage when dancing and getting embarrassed and walking literally across the entire stage to where Jimin was so that he could get a hug from him. Or RM breaking down in tears when Jimin praised him as a leader and giving him a hug. Or Yoongi talking about how much it meant to him when Jimin called to check on him after his surgery.

I'll stop now, sorry. But basically I agree with you about jimin and how wonderful he is but how he is very far from submissive and soft. My favorite thing to watch are clips of Jimin literally softening his entire hard demeanor whenever he sees JK. I think that speaks for itself honestly. Borehae! You are doing a great job with this blog, thanks for making such a safe space for ARMY and jokers here!

I honestly have nothing more to add because anon said everything that needed to be said. Thank you anon.

#anon #ask #JM #opinions that are needed #serious conversation

[pandaluc]

Warm Weekends

In which after a busy week, you get to spend your weekend together with your Genshin lover

Characters included: Lisa, Diluc x g!n s/o reader

Warnings: mentions of drinking, did not proof-read

Lisa

8:30 am... You are woken by your girlfriend, Lisa, the very well-known librarian in Mondstadt. "Good morning cutie~" she tells you with a smile on her face. Just by that moment, you felt so lucky to have Lisa as your lover. You decided to spend a few minutes tugging yourself on her chest, your arms hugging her close to you. You cherish these moments a lot, and so does she. Her head on top of yours, sometimes kissing the crown of your head. One of her arms are rubbing your back, and the other playing with your hair which feels so soothing.

9:00 am... The both of you stand up, together fixing your bed. She would comb your hair, and you comb hers. Doing so, you shower each other with compliments as well as some flirting here and there.

9:15 am... You and your lover make your way to the kitchen and start to cook breakfast. Lisa is a vegetarian so the both of you decided to make Satisfying Salad to eat this morning. After cooking, you then will offer Lisa a seat on the table. "How romantic of you, dear". While eating, the both of you discuss about how your week was. After eating, you would wash the dishes while Lisa cleans the table up and store left-overs if there are any.

9:53 am... You then take a bath with Lisa. Nothing suggestive happens. The baths you do with her are simply sweet and relaxing - it makes the both of you feel at peace. She would wash your hair, you would help her soap her back. Both of you would compliment each other about your looks. You love taking baths with her because she makes you feel accepted, secure and safe. Baths with her are indeed fun. After taking a bath, the both of you will then brush your teeth, comb your hair, and put on clothes together. Sometimes, you get to choose what she wears for the day. Today, you decided to wear a couple shirt with her. It is rare after all to see Lisa in a simple, comfortable clothing

10:34 am... You and Lisa make your way to the library, not to do work in the weekend but rather to have a library date. The both of you love to read, and well, if you did not love to read before, she definitely influenced you to do so. While reading, you both would discuss about history and theories about Teyvat and Celestia. Both of you found it fun.

1:43 pm... After reading and contemplating about the world, both of you go to Sara's Good Hunter and order some food. For today's late lunch, you ate Vegetarian Abalone with her. Some people would stare at the both of you, not to creep the couple out or anything but rather because you two look so good and cute together. At first, you were uncomfortable with the stares. But later on, you got used to it and came to the realization that you are just indeed so lucky to have Lisa as your future wife.

2:39 pm... After eating, Lisa decided that the both of you could take a walk outside Mondstadt to perhaps reconnect with nature. You and Lisa then go outside Mondstadt to travel. The both of you would go pick up flowers to give each other, admire lakes or waterfalls and go on top of a mountain to do some sightseeing. While gathering Cecilias, and some big leaves and strings, you then make a boquet to give to your lover on a mountain peak as the sun sets. It is simple, yet romantic. Very romantic. Lisa then somewhat felt bad because she did not have such gift to give to you even if you assured her that it is alright. As a result, she simply took a Windwheel Aster, cut some part of the stem, and put it on your ear.

7:22 pm... You both went back to the comfort of your home, and made Radish Veggie Soup to eat as your dinner. You and Lisa were exhausted from your date. Even so, you wish that Lisa enjoyed the date as much as you did. While her wish was to spend more time with you like this, instead of being busy doing librarian things and helping the Acting Grand Master of the Knights of Favonius even if she is not part of the Knights.

8:13 pm... You both wash up, wore your pajamas and prepared yourselves to sleep. Hugging each other, and talking about your day as you and Lisa drift to sleep.

"Thank you for today, darling. I really appreciate it. If only we get to spend more times like this together... I hope we do so in the future before our time comes. I enjoy your company so much, dear. Thank you. Good night."

Diluc

7:30 am... You woke up before Diluc did, giving you a chance to admire his beautiful face. Him being at peace, not worrying about anything, made you happy. After all, you rarely get a chance to see him like this. You planned to cook him breakfast, and so tried to get out of bed to make your way to the kitchen...well, tried. Diluc is a light sleeper so no matter how careful you were, your lover woke up because of your motions. You apologized and told him to continue sleeping. You continued to get out of your bed but Diluc wrapped his arms tightly onto you, pulling you back to bed with him. "It's alright... but please stay on bed a bit longer with me."

8:30 am... You ended up sleeping with him for an hour longer. It was hard for you to resist his morning voice, and his peaceful look asking you to stay. After falling back to sleep, you then woke up just to see your boyfriend's loving eyes admiring you while his fingers stroking your hair. "Good morning, dear", he says. You can't help but gently smile, realizing how lucky you are today to be able to spend a morning with the love of your life.

8:40 am... After a few minutes of cuddling (just like the touch starved the both of you are), you then decide to start cooking as Diluc fixes your bed. You decided to cook a dish named "Pile 'em up". The maids in Dawn Winery told you that they could cook breakfast for you and Diluc instead. But you insisted that you can do the cooking for today. This dish you are cooking is a dish that Diluc recently taught you, and so apparently is Diluc's specialty. It was special for you. It had a very nice smell, therefore, your partner recognized the dish your cooking. He then went to the kitchen, and hugged you from behind. His eyes staring at the dish, satisfied at your work.

9:11 am... You and Diluc ate breakfast together while talking about work and basically asking each other's life so far. Diluc would tell you stories about his batman Darknight Hero duties while you compliment him about his determination and hard-work. Mornings like this are very appreciated by you and your lover. It's a shame that in most days, Diluc would be working while you are eating alone at this hour.

9:43 am... After eating, you both took a bath. Unlike Lisa, you and Diluc doesn't really take baths together. As we know, Diluc is quite a reserved person. Don't get him wrong, he would like to take a bath with you...but is afraid to ask you about it since he does not want you to be uncomfortable. Poor boy, taking a bath with him is also one of your desires.

10:22 am... You often finish taking a bath before Diluc does. What do you expect? A man like him won't allow himself to go out with a single slightest dirt in his being. While waiting for him to finish, you comb your hair and wear your clothes. And once Diluc finishes taking a bath, you make him sit on a chair in front of a mirror to comb his hair in which you can't help but think what shampoo and hair care does this man use.

10:53 am... It may be a weekend, but the world sadly does not stop time and duties for the both of you. Though Charles often handles Angel's Share, he was given a day-off by Diluc because of Charles' personal matters. Since it is quite rare to have a day where you and Diluc can be together, you decide to go help Diluc in his tavern. Diluc was opposed with this idea at first because drunkards can really be a hassle, but you pleaded way too much that your lover can't just refuse anymore... look at the power you hold. You and Diluc then walk to Angel's Share, people staring and some one (to be specific, Donna.) death glaring at you with tears. You didn't mind anyways. Having Diluc as your boyfriend is a huge flex after all.

11:20 am... The two of you arrive in the tavern, cleaning it before opening. You can't help but stare at Diluc as the both of you wipe the tables. Diluc notices, and exchanged glances with you. He slightly smiles and walk up to you, putting his arm on your back. Pulling you to a kiss on the forehead.

11:30 am... Angel's Share opens. Since it was still morning, only two people came. Whenever these two drunk people gets too close and touchy with you, Diluc would realize and see your face full of discomfort. Diluc would then glare at them, enough to scare them and stop.

12:40 pm... You and Diluc close the doors of Angel's Share for a lunch break. You go to Sara to order food, as Diluc stays in the tavern cleaning the mess the drunk people made. You come back to the tavern with food as you lock the door. The two of you, then, eat on the counter. Everything about Diluc is truly admirable, so you can't help stare at him as he eats. Lucky you, he thinks the same of you. He adores it so much when you eat, especially when you try to cut the meat and struggle.

1:21 pm... You unlock the doors in the tavern, and start to receive customers. It may be an afternoon, but it is a weekend and Diluc is planning to close the tavern earlier today. Diluc starts to mix up drinks, while you take customers' orders and clean tables. Customers that are rude won't be avoided, they are drunk after all. If they get too rude, especially to you, Diluc would make up an excuse to kick them out. While cleaning tables, you'd catch Diluc staring at you. Whenever Diluc realizes that you notice his stairs, he quickly looks down at the glass he is cleaning with a faint pink blush on his face. how cute. This is basically your date. It's not the often romantic dinner dates, but you still appreciate and have fun. Knowing more about Diluc's life is good after all. Besides, you get breaks from time to time so you still get to sit on one of the chairs near the counter and talk to Diluc, maybe even giving him a peck on the lips when you are being called by one of the customers.

6:31 pm... There was only one customer left. Before the night approaches and more people attempt to come in and drink, Diluc quickly kicks the customer out and lock the tavern doors. You help Diluc clean up the tavern. He is the type to give back hugs, so you often receive them as you wipe tables, him kissing the top of your head. After the whole clean-up, the both of you walk back to your lover's mansion.

7:13 pm... You and your boyfriend were greeted by the maids with a fancy dinner set on the dining table. You and Diluc freshen up first, and then together headed to the table. While eating, he'd ask about how was your day. He would also ask you if there were customers who were mean to you or attempted to flirt with you. He trusts you, but in the end, he doesn't want to see the love of his life in a not-so-good condition. He wants you to feel safe and secure around him, and he succeeds on doing so. He wants the best for you. He is always there for you. And he always makes you feel that.

7:49 pm... After eating, Diluc and you wash up before going to bed. You were glad because today, you are able to sleep early with Diluc. Not having to wait for him to come at 3am due to his darknight duties. After being washed up, the both of you lay in bed. It won't be considered as sleeping with Diluc if there are no cuddling sessions for lots of minutes. Asking about if you need or want anything, and if there is something you want to get rid off your chest...what a perfect man. Sometimes, he would be the big spoon. Sometimes, he would be the small spoon. The both of you take turns. After conversations and cuddles, you eventually fall asleep as Diluc watches you sleeping, kissing your forehead and saying...

"Good night darling. I promise to protect and cherish you all my life. Thank you for bringing light to my world. I love you."

#genshin hcs #genshin headcanons #genshin x reader #genshin lisa #lisa x reader #genshin imagines #lisa minci #genshin diluc #diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc headcanons #lisa headcanons #pandaluc #pandahcs

[randomsnakesimp]

Okay. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna take the leap and say: Phobos is the victim (sorta).

Quick disclaimer: I am going to abuse plot holes and cartoon logic for my cause in a very nitpicky way. If you dislike that, I can completely understand, and I hope this warning will save you a lot of reading.

Also, this won't go into just headcanon territory, I'll put those in a separate post. Everything here I'll try to keep based on actual information from the comics and what I made of them.

That said...

Let's take a look at this scene:

(for a quick translation of the important part, the mother says: "No, Phobos, Meridian is meant for your sister. That's the law. The crown is hers.)

What we can see here are a few very important things:

1. Phobos is at most 5 years older than Elyon.

2. The name "Phobos" is not an edgy nickname he gave himself. Five-year-olds don't go around calling themselves Phobos. So his parents, for some reason, gave him that name.

3. His mother is very adamant about him not even touching the crown and reminding him of his sisters' birthright.

So, after establishing what I would call more or less facts, what else can, relatively savely, be deduced here?

- Since Elyon never noticed anything weird about herself, she can't have aged slower than earth children. So neither can Phobos. This would mean that, as she was kidnapped after her mothers death as a baby, he would have been five. So, he either tried his best to rule at age five, or the council we see as Elyon rules stepped in for him for a while

- this would then mean two things: we need an explanation as to why Miriadel, Alborn and Galgheita fled explicitly from Phobos (I'll give my explanation a bit further down) and second, Phobos' reign of terror wasn't even thirteen years, and a lot of that time he was a child/teen and could not even have been mature enough to rule.

- This also means that Kandrakar pulled up the veil when Phobos was at most five, likely younger, and that the so called "Seal of Phobos" also existed at that time, as both the veil and the seal are seen in the flashback depicting Elyons abduction. For Kandrakar, this, too, I will try to explain soon, but as for the seal, I find it most plausible that the theory @ror-witch used in their fanfiction, of the seal being a royal heirloom and named after each ruler, is true.

- His and his mother's relationship was neither as bad as some assumptions go, but neither was it that good, probably, or at least it wasn't in his perception. See how his memory is of her cradling the baby the entire time and talking more about his sisters birthright than about what he has/can do? Yes, it's only a short memory, but I think it's clear that it's a summary of what he remembers of his mother.

- Phobos desire to rule Meridian does not stem from something deeply sinister, but rather from a childish spite. Five year old Phobos probably just wanted the crown cause it looked nice and shiny, and he was fabulous even back then, but after his mothers words, he sulked and decided to show her. That's his motivation.

So, now let's go a bit further and look at some other things we can deduce from the rest of the comics:

- Phobos has a huge dungeon, a wall of roses that turn people into more roses if they touch it and his plan for the annihilation of Meridian is "Well, Cedric and I hide in the castle and...we'll see". He hates the people of Meridian, but he doesn't seem to have it in him to directly attack anyone until Elyon is there and even here, when he has her knocked out in their duel or locked up as Endarno, he isn't unnecessarily cruel. He's not evil in nature, he's more of a very dangerous child throwing tantrums. ( Cedric is kinda similar, and they both start losing it toward the coronation, but I sincerely believe that before that, there would have been a chance for them to come around )

- The only person he ever tortures or even hurts directly is Cedric. Because one, he likes Cedric and so gets more extreme emotions around him, and two, Cedric never says anything, and just plays it of afterwards, so I don't know if he even fully realizes what he's doing, like a child hitting someone. If Cedric ever just said "Stop it, you're hurting me", Phobos would probably need an entire week to process that input.

- Phobos is VERY reclusive, and he doesn't want anyone to have even pictures of him, and while that could be a God complex, I get some highly insecure vibes out of it, in a vulnerable narcissist kinda way, in that he is massively overcompensating. I gotta admit, though, that I cannot put my finger on why, so maybe take this with a grain of salt and decide for yourself if you agree.

- Kandrakar never orders the guardians to help Meridian in any way, just to make sure nothing oozes out. They likely pulled up the veil for their own protection, so Phobos wouldn't be able to spread far enough to become a real danger, rather than to protect innocent people, as clearly the Meridian people mean shit to them

- while the guards are widely feared in Meridian, Cedric seems to be viewed as... not very frightening or important, as some random merchant feels comfortable clinging to his cape (and rightfully so, apparently, as Cedric just tells him to piss off and doesn't care any further). This further leads me to believe that Cedric is rather unhealthy devoted to Phobos and his tantrums while their shitty ass reign leaves a lot of free space for unsuited people to become guards and tyranize the people.

- the King and Queen seem to have died in rapid succession, and shortly after the scene shown above, yet she looks perfectly healthy in that scene.

Now, what do I make of all this?

I believe the line of events to be as follows:

I don't think Phobos traveling back in time is a viable theory for mainly two reasons: I think his mother would be less chill around him if she saw/heard about his reign herself, and I believe that it would have been mentioned somewhere along the way if that were the case. Instead, what I believe happened is that the oracle had a vague vision of Phobos nearly taking over Kandrakar. Deciding in their random mood swings that today was a day of action, they had the people of Meridian informed that the next male born to a queen would become a dangerous tyrant, pulled up a veil and set their guardians to make sure nothing oozed out.

The veil, of course, made the people of Meridian feel trapped and a horror of the unborn prince who would ruin their lives spread.

So, when Weira gave birth to that prince, a full blown panic spread, so much so that she, in a fit of hysterical emotion, named him after that boust of panic. Of course, people tried to kill the prince basically from the moment he was born, and he was met with barely concealed resentment.

Soon after, Weira and her husband died - whether they were killed, or fell ill, or died in an accident, I have no idea, but I wouldn't completely rule out an assassination either aimed at Phobos and accidentally hitting them or the strain making at least one of them fall terminally ill.

Either the people rioted and Phobos' magic panic reaction or the leftover loyal guard was enough to fight them back, or the people succumbed to their fate at this point, slumping into the state of despair seen throughout the comics. But in the end, five year old Phobos had to be handed the throne. I assume the council still had some say at this point, but he did manage to get all pictures of him destroyed - this order was likely due to the fact that they were mostly caricatures.

So he grew up with the very volatile combination of a shitton of power and no one able to tell him if he was being stupid on one hand, and feeling unloved and unwanted on the other. He withdrew, likely also due to countless assassination attempts or things he perceived as such, and went into a negative feedback loop of being unable to mature and take responsibility, therefore being a shit ruler, therefore being hated, therefore having no one to help him, therefore being unable to face and grow from his mistakes, rinse and repeat.

So, Meridian was plunged into chaos, yet he seemed fine more or less just sitting in the new playroom he made for himself in the gardens, sporadically giving out an order or two and having generally no idea about anything that didn't directly concern him.

Enter Elyon. Now, she send him of the rails, as she was a danger to his lifestyle AND a reminder of all the sentiments he'd be drowning in alcohol if he wasn't too much of a recluse and education denier to know of that option. He doesn't even try. He just lets Cedric, the one person he trusts, handle her, like everything else, and somewhat plays along sometimes, when he feels like it. This is where he passes the point of no return and starts actually trying to kill people, culminating in him creating an army to wipe out Meridian. I still believe that even at this point, in his head, what he's doing is just throwing a nice toy out the window just so his sister won't have it.

#w.i.t.c.h. comics #w.i.t.c.h. #w.i.t.c.h. theory #prince phobos #Kandrakar is a shitshow

[nightswithkookmin]

Hi Goldy, JK was bold in the past, around 2017-2019 (to me, gcf & rosebowl can be considered as ‘coming out’). But it seems he now prefers to stay closeted? E.g. he snatched JM’s hand in the Xylitol x BTS shoot, then looked at the camera. Holding hands is normal among members… a lot of his interactions with Jin, V and other members are more intimate than holding hands… his reaction makes me feel like he wants me to pretend I didn’t know…?

Sorry I've been a bit AWOL lately...

I'm busy being the man of my woman's dreams in a cis het anti black capitalist world

Fun times.

I saw that bit, uWu-ed and kept it pushing.

It's nothing new really. I think a few months back when I was out here screaming Jikook are toning down, acting super professional around the cameras yadda yadda people out here were looking at me like I'd lost my two delulu heads- but this segues into that theme for me and since I've exhausted the topic I don't know what else to add.

I've said before they've both been very conscious of the cameras within certain periods post October- again nothing new, they be like that every now and then every season every phase and the whys will always be up for debate in these ship streets- on that subject, I've read a lot of opinions yet I think like mine better and will stick to it. Thanks Kimberly of Delulu precinct. Walk along now. Lol.

Jimin was like that during the Coway behind the scene shoot too when he noticed the cameras and quickly elbowed Jk to draw him away from the gaze of the cameras.

I don't think it's because they stopped being 'bold' or want to pretend. It takes a lot of courage to even pretend or even perform the gay in front of the world and your peers. I think they are just awfully aware and conscious of the people they work with as well as corporation's growing awareness, intentions and interests in them. You just never know which saessang is moonlighting as a brand PA or marketing director for a company they are working with. You just never know who is watching especially whenever they have to work with these 'outsiders.'

Think of Dispatch. Were they not allies or business partners, they'd be careful around them too if they worked with them. Know what I mean?

Toning down and exercising caution is necessary sometimes. I don't know why some people think that's absurd or Tuktukkerish when I say stuff like that. Especially with the kind of reputation they have as a ship and just how commercially attractive that image is. It's common sense at this point if you ask me.

Jikook sells. Argue with the analytics. I don't know who thinks they don't. Must be the clowns and penguins. They sell period. BigHit knows this, BTS knows this, companies know this. We don't scream Jikook is a brand within a brand for no reason.

And a lot of the toning down in recent times has perhaps inadvertently mitigated that growing power and demand of them as a marketing resource- who knows, that could have as well been by design, intentionally instigated for obvious reasons which I argue is the case but don't mind me. I'm delusional, gay and apparently the man of my woman's dreams uWu. Gotta wear that pants in my relationship. Ayaya Hwaiting.

When you say he prefers to stay closested- I thought they are both closested already?? They both have never been fully out in our opinion. Yes our opinion because I feel we are like minded. Let's be delulu mates.

On the topic of closets, I want to save that for a separate post. What I can say though is they are both growing and maturing and learning and unlearning. Jungkook's desire to 'come out' or act reckless with his glass closet in my opinion stemmed from him placing more value on his personal happiness over other values perhaps because he was young and hadn't fully grasped the full and complex nature of happiness or understand the privilege he has as part of BTS.

We make decisions based on our values most times. It's how I make sense of their actions really. I'm more likely to assume things that are consistent with the values they each have expressed openly and tend to reject any theory that contradicts or is inconsistent with those values. A guy who values his career is less likely to act in a way that puts that career at risk. And I'm well aware their values evolve over time.

These days he has never quit as one of his mottos next to rather dead than cool- do you see the contradictions in those values? Rather dead means quitting life. Yet now he says never quit. Don't mind me. I'm in a grumpy mood.

But what I'm saying is, the desire to want to show the world who this person means to him is not fixed or a priority all the time. Now i think he values his career a lot more than before which means he is more likely to compromise and less likely to do things that may put that career in jeopardy.

Transferring that to his relationship, I don't expect him to be breaching the glass closet anytime soon. And if he do, it might be incidental and may carry with it consequences which I believe he is well aware and concious of now. Will that change? You bet. Again it depends a lot on what his values in a given moment are and which ones he prioritizes.

It's their relationship. They chose which aspects of it they want to share with the cameras. Some of it get written off as fanservice. Fair enough. But the nonfanservice passing moments has always been questionable- although I must say, I find all Jikook moments and interactions questionable lol.

It's just skinship. Holding hands I mean. Why would he be conscious of that right? II'vetalked about consequences and repercussions of their actions. Sometimes I think it's the off screen scolding that gets to him. The ones silently whispered at his back. I mean we saw his reaction when Jimin was getting scolded by the hyungs for sleeping late. He's talked about skipping sleep too if I recall correctly. Jimin is hyung and I know the hyungs expect him to know better and do better. I'd Imagine Jimin would equally scold JK if his actions reflected poorly on him too.

So why the hell would he not say anything to Jungkook for posting on his birthday when he hadn't posted at all for any hyung's??? Sigh.

It's sad his guards are back up- but it's for good reason I believe given the context of the situation.

I don't think dramatizing his dynamic with Jimin makes him bold. Nor does Jimin's propensity to over express himself with Jungkook mean he loves Jungkook more than. Both are extreme takes for me.

Nevertheless, I contrast that moment with a Tae Kook moment which is one of my favorite tuktukk moments. In this moment, JK is staring at Jimin, his whole body turned towards him. Tae notices the cameras and draws JK's attention to it. I think there are two such moments like that from the recent contents? I don't know I have to cross check.

Tae in that moment reminded me a lot of Jimin. Jimin does this too- play out their relationship infront of the cameras to the point one might say he likes to show off their bond- which is such a BTS thing to do too so no big deal. I mean they like to show off their bond and chemistry as Tae said a while back.

It's one thing for JK to hesitate to act with a member because of the cameras, it's another for him to act self conscious only after the fact.

And JK has always been him like this with Jimin as Jimin used to say- JK acts different with me off cameras than he is on camera. He had a history of suppressing himself around Jimin owing in part to his personality

He's talked about putting on a mask around people and in a recent interview Jimin have talked about pretending and acting one way when he's not- I mean I've ever talked about the boy being in love with the Maknae being a facade- one of many.

They have public personas which, from what BTS themselves say, looks slightly different or similar to what we see on screens- or that they've grown to be more like what we see on screens.

I guess what I'm getting at is that 'pretending' isn't exactly a new thing or out of the ordinary. Personally I'd say he's being conscious of his surroundings like Jimin was and not that he is 'pretending.' If you know what I mean.

If he's pretending he has good reason to I believe and we can only speculate on that- we can't know for sure why.

If Jikook is fanservice then there's no need for either of them to worry about the cameras picking up on their interactions or who's watching them.

What goes on in Tae's head? I wanna know.

I don't know where to direct this post because you didn't really ask a question.

I'm fine thanks for asking. I'm really fine. I'm thinking of joining Jimin in the gym at 3am to bench press and build some biceps to match my role in my relationship😒

And no I don't need any advice. Keep it.

This is going to be my attitude until we switch back😐

I'm gonna be a boyfriend from hell and a blogger from satan's ass.

Also I think I overshare💀

GOLDY

[eisforeidolon]

I'm kinda getting tired of the narrative that Jared stans are acting like hellers. Afaik none of them have sent any death threats, suicide baited, doxxed, threatened, harassed, run campaigns against any real people. Calling Jensen names without tagging him or the people who love him isn't the same. They aren't even being that mean imo. This stems from them thinking Jensen is wrong for making the prequel and the way he's doing it, J2 fans don't. That's a difference of opinion and it's fine. 1/2

I disagree with a lot of what they're saying but I've simply muted them and if the rest of J2 fans block/mute/unfollow them, they wouldn't even know about it. This is not the same as hellers and conflating the two makes it seem like the issue with hellers is a petty difference in fannish opinion. It's not. Frankly I'm bothered by some J2 stans' insistence that everyone in the fandom agree on this, when that's never been the case. This is where 'agree to disagree' comes in. Also, one is allowed 2 To be a fan of just one J or criticize one of them for the choices they've made. No one was screaming you're just like the hellers when people were mad at Jared for working with stands. No one was mad when some didn't want to support Walker. Given that Jensen is making a SPN prequel and these people have been fans of SPN they will have opinions, even harsh ones. Even the wildest theories about abuse from a few (clearly to troll those who stalk their page) don't make them the same as hellers. 3/3

**********************************

Response under the cut for those officially Over It, especially so my opinions on it.

Here's my issue: I've seen it happen several times over the years with Jared stans before that when it comes to criticizing Jared, anything counts as hate. Hellers/AA mock his hair, call him a shitty actor, make fun of the way he phrases things, what he chooses to post, think Walker is dumb, make up nonsense SJW bullshit about it, snark about what he does/doesn't promote, et cetera? It's all just terrible, what a bunch of hateful awful people who just can't leave anything he does alone! Don't they have anything better to do than hate on Jared, like pay attention to their own fave who is obviously inferior since they're so obsessed with mine? However, the second it's them doing the same level of petty bitching about anybody else? Oh, well, that's not really hate, they're just bored and it's just their opinion - Jared gets death threats, you know! Like the fact that some of the hellers who hate on Jared are disturbingly genuine bargain basement psycho security concerns makes it inherently 100% unobjectionable to talk any lesser level of shit about anyone else - so long as it doesn't go as far as the worst of the worst Jared haters. I don't subscribe to that - petty nitpicking bullshit is either hate or it isn't.

I get what you're saying that the most extreme hellers' behavior is so so much worse, like, by miles of degree from what Jared stans are doing now. Yes, I agree 100%. However, I think that's playing a little disingenuously fast and loose with what people mean when they talk about hellers, because we don't just talk about only the worst of the worst when we use that term. It's the direct harassment & death threats AND it's the obsessive social media following of actors you dislike, taking every opportunity to toss out insults, worst faith reinterpretations, assumptions of malice, insulting nicknames, accusations of abuse, etc. Which, if you don't think they're sometimes doing purely to troll the parts of the J2 fandom that stalk their blogs... No, I haven't seen any death threats from Jared stans and only a couple of obviously Jared-inspired insulting comments directly on Jensen's social media. I do however see an uncomfortable similarity when it comes to the low level petty nonsense lesser hellers constantly make posts on over everything and nothing at all - which is not all centered on the prequel, even if it was the flashpoint and remains the excuse. Hell, I also think this whole project has been a haphazard disaster and the idea itself sounds dumb - yet that somehow hasn't made me incapable of getting through a post without making personal digs at Jensen.

And you are right in that the best way to deal with it is to block/mute/unfollow or at least mind the tags and adjust one's expectations. Of course those Jared stans are entitled to have their opinions and to continue posting about them however the fuck they want on their own accounts. Except those of us who feel disappointed are also entitled to feel so. Not just over disagreeing with people we normally have a lot of common ground with, but also seeing uncomfortable patterns in the way those opinions are being expressed - except apparently that can't actually be a thing because it's not an echo of the worst possible behavior of the most extreme crazies. I.e. the same old same old there's no death threats or harassment, so if it's not directed at Jared it's not really hate, so how could anyone possibly be bothered by it?

#askboxery #anonymous #j2 prequel drama #anti actor stans #anti jared stans #minor anti prequel sentiment

[lochsides]

Yellow Metal - cathartic Review

Here’s something I did not expect to be reviewing this week but when Zayn drops a 24 minute rap track, you fall in line. I had to listen to it a couple times through before I could even begin to make sense of my thoughts because my brain sort of malfunctioned. I have never been prouder to be a Zayn fan. He’s such a nuanced songwriter and there is so much to unpack here.

I think this is the most unfiltered version of Zayn that we have ever been exposed to (and possibly will ever be). I am grateful that he said his piece in this because it needed to be said. As a brown woman, I felt so seen by this and I cannot explain what that means to me. Thank you Z, for your unvarnished truth in addressing racism and various forms of discrimination.

I’m doing a short lyrical analysis below the cut, but the TLDR is that this is a fantastic piece of art that deserves to be heard.

I wish he had released this as an EP because that would be easier to review than a single 24 minute song, structurally speaking. So instead, I have picked out some key lyrics, going from top to bottom, that really spoke to me and decided to study the song that way. His lyricism is hard-hitting in this track. It is beyond anything he has ever released before.

“The planet bleeds, the damaged trees. It’s never leaving until we ascend so fuck the fence.” — I have not seen this lyric being talked about in the fandom, because the lyrics that follow this steal the show, rightly so, but I wanted to give this line a moment because it’s important too. To me, this lyric speaks to where Zayn is at with his relationship with the physical world. He’s out on the farm (about which he even goes to say “tell you what I like, farm life and the tractor”) and I believe he’s happy in his space and he feels connected to nature (also see River Road). So it is a poignant and slightly jaded, but valid perspective that he shares on climate change. It’s never leaving until we ascend. The damage human beings have done to the planet won’t be undone until there are no humans left to do damage. It’s a single sentence that says so much about the depth of the climate crisis. I’m doing my PhD on urban air quality so this is something I care really deeply about and I resonated with.

“And until they stop killing colour, it’s fuck the feds.” — Yeah, agreed Zayn. The systemic racism that he calls out here is echoed throughout the song, in equal parts anger and boldness. I love that he isn’t glossing over it with metaphors, which he could easily do and it would be beautiful in a totally different way, but this makes it harder for racists to overlook. There is so much power in calling it like it is.

“Never lose me to fentanyl, scared when I take a Benadryl, keeping it green in general.” — It frustrates me to no end to see Zayn painted as this drug-addicted lazy musician that doesn’t care about his work, because we know how untrue that is. This narrative is tired and simply boring too, and I won’t get into the racist connotations of it when you consider it against his white colleagues who smoke as much as him but that isn’t one of their defining traits in the media.

“I’m racking up excuses while I’m slacking off on work … it was hard work that got me heard” — I love the juxtaposition in this verse. The public/media perception on his career is that Zayn doesn’t put in effort or that he doesn’t want it. This obviously stems from his leaving the band. It goes back to what I was saying before about narrative, when in reality, as Zayn has said on various occasions, he fights to make his own choices. And that doesn’t have to look the way everyone else expects it to (“I beg you, don’t include me. I might write it on my shirt”), he has his own struggles that have helped forge his path, but it is his path that he paved, himself. He works hard to be heard. He has to. It reminds me of something my parents used to tell me when I was younger about being immigrants: you have to work 10 times harder for the same opportunities just because of the colour of your skin or your name on the cv. It’s a harsh truth to grow up with but it was my reality, as it is for most POC.

“This life doesn’t give you no armour, a lot of myself can harm you. I swear on what’s good, that I’m here ‘til they take me. I pray that I’m wrinkled, at least over 80…” — There is something about the simplicity of these lyrics are the messaging that I love. He isn’t trying too hard to sound poetic but he still manages it perfectly.

“All I've been achieving, clocking miles in this region, moving like a legion. Promise that I made to myself, an allegiance. Do you still believe I’m a fool for ever leaving? Staring at the ceiling, can never put a cap on achieving. I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving. // I’ve had about enough of being my own enemy. It’s time I grew up, a long way from 17. Always went against the grain, struggles in my life. Got some things to say when I stand up on the mike.” — This is the only 1D-related lyric I’ll make reference to because this song is about so much more than that. That said though, we cannot overlook Zayn’s experiences in the band because that is part of his story. The tongue-in-cheek of “I’m just here for the rap, then I’m leaving” is hilarious to me. The line about not wanting to be his own enemy anymore and growing up from 17 reminds me of that quote Taylor (Swift) mentioned in Miss Americana about celebrities getting stuck at the age they got famous. I think this verse is similar to that. None of them ever wanted to be in the band and I don’t care what anyone says, Zayn leaving and proving success outside the band gave the rest of them the courage to follow their own solo careers. Sure there was drama surrounding the split but he did it for himself, to tell his stories the way he is now. Whatever else you have to say about him, you cannot deny his authenticity.

“I ain’t dropping this for fame, I need this time, like therapy, it’s just to keep me sane.” — I think this line tells us 2 things, the first being that this song was not leaked. Z knew what he was doing and his twitter likes tell us as much. He didn’t release it for any sort of attention, otherwise it would be widely available on streaming platforms and for purchase. Which leads to my second point, he released this song to get everything he talks about on the track off his chest. Its referenced in other lyrics too, like “now you see where I come from, the world don’t.” This was for whoever cared to listen, not the world. It’s inaccessible for a reason. I love that he threw those lyrics in. It makes the song feel more like a private conversation or listening to a friend rant. It creates a different form of intimacy between himself and his fans.

“Lessons that I’ve learned, I’ve tried teaching to myself. What I’ve learnt from certain people is that they’re better than myself. So I surround myself with real ones, and you feel the plastic melt.” — This one is for anyone that buys into conspiracy theories surrounding Zayn’s personal life. He surrounds himself with real people, real friendships, real connections. I have never bought into the bullshit that he has zero autonomy over his personal life. I love the use of plastic melting as a metaphor for ridding his life of fakeness.

“Feeling trapped. This industry is a cage.” — Zayn is obviously not the first person to say it. Many artists talk about how suffocating the industry is ( which he further comments on in the sung portion: “I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this, no, I don’t wanna be, I don’t wanna be, a part of this”). Fame is such a wild and unnatural concept and the exploitation and politics of the music industry only feed further into it. The industry being a cage makes me think of zoos and how celebrities are animals on display, when they should be free in the wild. I also really like the musical interlude following this part.

“Nobody’s speaking the truth, I’m offended by the State. Look at the state of the news, I’ve decided the argument, reciting my views.” — Zayn toes the line between keeping to himself and speaking out on important issues, sometimes not very well. I am his biggest cheerleader, but I’m not up his ass. There have been many occasions where he could’ve done better. But I cannot fault him for being offended by the State because same, Z, same. I love that he took this song as an opportunity to real speak out, no punches pulled.

“See I’ve been facing the racists from back when I were a kiddie. Born up in 93’. Living in Bradford City, they kicked me out of the school. Said they had a problem with me hitting the kids that would call me p***, still sit in the classroom, chilling. I’m angry now that I’m older cause I see they treat us different. Got me thinking I’m the problem ‘cause they never dealt with these issues.” — See what I meant about no punches pulled. He said that! He said it like that too. There is so much in this verse that I relate to, it hits a little too deep. I grew up as a brown in predominantly white communities where the colour of my skin was the reason I was outcasted. We know when that’s happening, clear as day. The lyric “got me thinking that I’m the problem cause they never dealt with these issues” says it all. I have many racial traumas that I’m dealing with as an adult because the adults around me when I was a child didn’t deal with racism in the classroom. They do treat us different!

“20 years later, I’m still in the same boat. Tryna treat me like my grandpa, say I came up off the boat. Came to tell you what I stand for. Man I think you’re shit, a joke. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? // Pushing my feelings down, you ain’t got it like them. ‘Boy your skin is so light.’ Ok motherfucker, take my name up on a flight. Try to convince immigration that your bloodline’s half white.” — Zayn talking his shit is my new favourite art form. How can I be civil when they got me by the throat? Something that I will always be enraged by is that POC are expected to de-escalate situations of racism. We have to push our feelings down, as Zayn says in the verse, because the institution is against us. All of the institutions are against us. The fact that he takes it a step farther to say that his name makes him a target for racism, even though he is half-white just nails his point home. Also, can we please quit the whole ‘Zayn is white-passing’ bullshit. He alludes to it again later in the song (“asian in my face, but still my race you can’t define”). Its not a compliment to erase someone identity in favour of white-washing them.

“My name ain’t on the list unless they label it ethnic.” — Oh, the amount of times we have heard that age old (v. racist) saying ‘{celebrity of colour} is the new [insert white celebrity here]’ as if POC aren’t allowed to succeed in their own right. It is wild to me that Zayn has to deal with this given his level of success.

“Start to understand why they think that I’m threatening. I move in certain ways, couldn’t slow me with ketamine.” — There is a subtle nod to racism (and Islamaphobia) in this line, because of course the brown man is a threat, but I like the way Z turns it around. I also like the rhyme scheme.

“Raised on the benefit for whose benefit? They’ll never learn shit, man, if the shoe fits.” — Okay I might be reaching here, but this is just my interpretation. We all know the benefit system in the UK sucks. Being raised on benefit implies a lack of money growing up, but the benefits aren’t really all that beneficial to the families that rely upon them.

“Dealing with the hurt, they should know cause they don’t deserve it, it hit deep cause I hit the nerve.” — Well, okay then, just call me out. It’s fine. I seriously feel like he’s talking to me directly with this line. I imagine a lot of us do. Its one of those lyrics that are a bit too honest but that why we love them.

“Cathartic, I’m an artist. Trying to put my heart in” // “Freedom fighter, Yellow Metal is my name.” — So do we have an alternate persona for Zayn now? Alright, I’m down. I think these two lines are tied together, because both are mentioned in the song title. (I think of the song as cathartic, by Yellow Metal, aka Zayn, or Yellow Metal as the name of the EP if this was officially released). The lyrics that accompany both title lyrics, along with the subject matter of the song as a whole, suggest that his heart is in standing up against injustices. I said it earlier, this is the most unvarnished version of Z that we have ever been exposed to. Almost like the complete picture to the puzzle pieces we’ve been putting together over the years.

“They’re tryna kill us with disease.” — Why did this line scream out ‘COVID-19 outbreaks in developing countries’ to me? Again, I might be reaching, but there is a disparity between how COVID is treated amongst minorities, along with many other diseases, and not to mention rich, primarily white countries hoarding vaccine supplies while places like India (and my beautiful Bangladesh and I’m sure Pakistan too) suffer needlessly.

“Started something sick and on my mind is what’s next. Just became a dad so now I’m taking all the cheques. Better know I’m staying and paying like it’s debt. Imma get it done, if it’s taking all my breath, sweat, and down I ain’t messing around ’til I’m the best.” — I think this lyric shows off Zayn’s sentimental side more than it does his ambitious side, because we know he’s in this for the long haul. Others may doubt that but his fans never have. But hearing him talk openly about being a father on a song is something else. It’s like Khai added this whole other layer of meaning and purpose to his life and it’s beautiful to watch. I’ve been here since the X-Factor auditions guys!! It makes me so emotional to witness him like this.

“Aint many of me around, p***, I’m just different. Certain stages to this level aint here because fame is to the devil, fuck a label, imma do this from the ghetto.” — God, we’ve been waiting for a fuck the label moment in this house, haven’t we? I won’t get into my theories on his label or his team, but none of us deny the fact that they should be doing more for him than they are. He has the potential to be the biggest thing with the right team and promo because he has a built-in fan base that would go the mile for him. Obviously, there’s also his aversion to promo to contend with and that’s his decision. Even without it, he could shatter every ceiling. Another thing I want to mention about this verse is the nod to the complete lack of South Asian representation in contemporary Western media.

“Don’t know what’s worse: the way that you live your life or the way that you write a verse.” — I’m just putting this in here because it made giggle. Also going to take this space to say how much I love his energy in this song. He knows he’s the shit, as he should!

“Can’t be louder … so free Gaza on my banner.” // “They’re hating on Palestine ways.” — I love that Zayn has always supported this movement, years ago, before being ‘woke’ was a thing. But now, he has a daughter that has Palestinian heritage and I’m sure that makes this hit that much deeper for him, personally. The apartheid in Palestine is heart-wrenching. It’s so strange to me to watch it happen, because I never thought I would witness something like this happening in 2021, yet here we are.

“Like vipers, I see the sly ones, the snake that’s called Biden, none of them abiding what they might put in writing. We should be used to it by now, say whatever for the vote and then just choose another route. Say they’d never kill another unless that brother’s skin is brown. I’m just telling you the facts, if you can’t take it, the truth naked, to bare bones and my thoughts lately, spitting politics.” — This verse is straight up savage and I am living for it! I find it hilarious that he called Biden a snake. This verse addresses the truth about politics, that even electing a left-wing leader doesn’t fix the system.

“I’m Tony Stark, still embarking on a dream” // “Gone green like Bruce Banner” // “He taught me like Ra’s Al Ghul. Felt like living in Gotham, the people were rotten.” — And to tie it all off, I wanted to take a goofy moment to mention all the superhero lyrics Z added in this song, really showing his personality because I’m such a nerd when it comes to this stuff and it makes me wish that we were friends so I could annoy him to death about it.

#reviews #zayn #yellow metal #cathartic #zayn malik