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megaawkwardhuman · 9 months

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a bit ago I saw a post on here that said something along the lines of "there was only one bed trope but at a clown motel" and that night I decided to write the beginning of a nandermo fic with that concept

days go by and last night for whatever reason I made it my goal to drag this thing from wip hell and finish it and so here it is!

it's a post season 3 fic where we're in the good timeline™ (guillermo and nandor went on their trip) and for whatever reason they end up well at a clown motel and we learn two things

1 guillermo really doesn't like clowns

2 even in the good timeline™ the world still fucks with memo

small disclaimer: I'm really dyslexic and by no means good at this. like last time I'm clinging onto grammarly for dear life and tried my best to edit this so that it at least makes a crumb of sense

anyway here is (and yes I'm really proud of this title)

the one ring circus

“No, we’re NOT staying here” Guillermo crossed his arms staring the vampire next to him dead in the eyes.

“Come on Guillermo look at all of the clowns!” they have been on their trip now for a while. If you had to ask Guillermo at the beginning of the trip where he expected to go and what he expected to see he wouldn’t have said a clown motel. He would have said ANYTHING ELSE other than a creepy ass clown motel.

“Nope, they're freaking me out. I REFUSE to stay here.”

“Oh come on this place isn't creepy.”

“Isn’t creepy? There’s a fucking cemetery next to it.” Guillermo has nothing personally against clowns. But there was something about the clown signs in front of the motel that creep him the fuck out with their huge smiles and soulless eyes. “Yeah sure the house back in Staten Island might as well be a cemetery but at least there weren’t creepy ass clowns.”

“It’s only one night.” while Guillermo would like to refuse further dawn was approaching soon, a storm was rolling in, and by the looks of it Nandor for once was living up to his name and was not going to relent anytime soon.

He sighed “Fine but only ONE night. But as soon as the sun sets we’re getting out of here.”

As they walked over to get a room Guillermo couldn’t help but notice a small grin on Nandor’s face. Was he actually excited to stay a night here? Did he like clowns? Is that why he wanted to stay here? Wait has Nandor even seen a clown before? All of these questions bounced around his head.

As they entered the office to get a room Guillermo looked around. As to be expected there were clowns everywhere. If he didn’t have a fear of clowns before the thousands of clowns both statues and paintings staring at him now might have put that fear into him.

All of the painted eyes staring into him, the bright colors of their clothes weren't doing wonders for his eyes, the smiles forced upon their faces mocked him, and the few that weren't smiling were sobbing which didn't help the overall creepy vibe. it felt like all of the attention in that room was directed at him. Like every clown in that room was mocking him.

He knew he couldn’t spend another second in there so he asked Nandor to get them a room as he speed walked outside.

As he walked out eyes tightly shut he tried to think about anything but the ridiculous motel he was about to spend a day of his life in. So he pulled out his phone, popped in his earbuds, put on some music, and thought about something that he knows will brighten his mood: how this trip will end. The moment he’s been waiting for grows closer every night. A moment that would be more pleasant than staying at a possibly haunted clown motel.

His attention was immediately snapped back when Nandor popped out and said something he REALLY didn’t want to hear.

“Is it alright if the room has only one bed?” Guillermo jumped a little as he zoned back in.

he paused his music and pulled out an earbud. “I'm sorry what?”

Nandor sighed “I said is it ok if there's only one bed?”

“What why?”

“Uh well, the only room available only has one bed.”

Guillermo wondered what he did to deserve this. Well, he wanted to know the SPECIFIC thing he did to deserve this. He thought about all his options or rather his lack of options. “That's fine.” Once Nandor popped back inside Guillermo knew he’d probably come up with something.

However, by the time they actually got to their room, he had zero plans. He WOULD have come up with something if it didn’t dawn on him what he would most likely have to do: share a bed with Nandor.

Now Guillermo didn’t hate the idea of being close to Nandor. In fact, that was the problem he knew he’d enjoy sharing a bed with him. He knew he’d enjoy it a little too much. He was afraid that he’d make a wrong move, getting a little too close, or worst of all Nandor getting too close. He knew it’ll be really hard to sleep with a hot vampire next to him. So once that thought entered his head it absorbed any plan he had.

Add in the clown art in the room and Guillermo has a gut feeling he won’t be getting much sleep.

“Great more clowns…” he said looking around the room like he wasn’t sleeping at a clown themed motel.

“What’s so wrong with the clowns?”

“I don’t know they look so creepy. Doesn’t help that some are staring right at the bed.”

“But they’re so happy!”

“Yeah happy they will probably be the reason I won’t get any sleep.” in a bit of a huff he went over to his bag.

Knowing the sun was going to rise soon and to distract from clowns around him Guillermo made quick work to sunproof the room by putting up some blackout curtains they bought and taping them down. Then he grabbed his pajamas and headed to the bathroom to take a shower and change.

When leaving the bathroom Guillermo noticed every clown painting was either gone or covered up. Well, all but one mural but that was cause it was painted directly on a wall to the left of the bed. Without the clowns, you wouldn't have guessed this was a clown motel. you'd think that it was just a normal motel room with just a weird ass clown portrait on one of the walls.

Confused but relieved he looked at Nandor who was reading a book. “Did you do this?”

“You said they would keep you up and a bodyguard needs his rest.” Nandor didn’t look up from his book.

Guillermo was still getting a bit used to this softer Nandor. I mean he can still be a dick from time to time but ever since they boarded that first train he’s been kinder to him. “Wow… thanks. Speaking of sleep what are we going to do about the whole bed situation?”

“Well since there is no place for me to spread out my ancestral soil and I know how you humans value your beds I was thinking we would just simply share the bed.” He said face buried in his book.

Guillermo was a bit taken aback by how casually Nandor suggested it. “Are you sure? I'm fine sleeping in the car or the bathtub.”

“oh don't worry I used to sleep with soldiers all of the time back in Al Quolanudar. Also what if a vampire killer came in here and tried to kill me? I need you to protect me at all times”

Guillermo tried his best to ignore how wrong that first part sounded. “Why would a vampire killer come looking for vampires at a clown motel?”

Nandor shuffled a little in his seat and turned a page in his book. A book Guillermo just now realized was upside down. ”well us vampires really like our clowns.“ Nandor said being reminded that he can't lie on the spot for shit.

Instead of pointing out how that's very clearly not a thing Guillermo silently accepted his fate.

so once he double checked that everything was covered he lay down on the bed.

He didn't know how much time had passed. all he knew was that it must have been midday and the storm outside was kinda soothing. but what wasn't soothing was the fact that somehow while sleeping Guillermo ended up face to face with the one clown painting Nandor couldn't cover. He jumped a little.

the clown was pointing directly at him laughing with the biggest stupidest grin on their face. He wanted to turn around but due to the sleeping body right next to him, he wasn’t quite sure if he could.

He lay there staring at the clown for god knows how long until a shift next to him made him realize Nandor was now on his side. which hopefully means he can shift without disturbing him.

as quickly as he could Guillermo rolled over to be greeted face to face with another more familiar clown's face.

add in the perfectly timed thunder clap and Guillermo jumped out of the bed letting out a small yelp.

Guillermo not really thinking instead of going back to bed or getting up and doing anything else memo chose the secret third option: sleep somewhere else. So he grabbed a pillow and a cape that was lying on the ground and bolted for the bathtub.

Whatever attempt Guillermo made to not wake up Nandor was in vain since the thud of him falling to the floor, grabbing a pillow five inches away from Nandor's face, and him running to the bathroom woke Nandor up.

half asleep Nandor followed the sounds of a clearly not ok Guillermo.

what greeted him when he opened the door was Guillermo curled up in the bathtub pillow behind his head wrapped in one of his capes trying to make some sort of attempt at sleeping.

“Guillermo, are you alright?” Nandor grumbled.

Guillermo would like to give him a proper response but at this point, any attempts to get any words out of his mouth would be in vain since he’s still a little freaked out. He didn't know it but he was shaking a bit.

Nandor saw how freaked out Guillermo is and with his two brain cells put together that the clown painting was probably to blame. Not being awake enough to yell at him for stealing his cape he left the room.

Guillermo thought Nandor must have gone back to sleep but was confused when he came back with a pillow, a blanket, and with the backpack he kept some of his ancestral soil in strapped to his back.

Silently he made his way over to Guillermo and took the cape that was wrapped around him and tossed it aside. ”scoot over.“ Guillermo did as he was told and Nandor awkwardly made his way into the tub.

after some maneuvering, Guillermo ended up on top of Nandor in this kinda big but bearly able to fit them bathtub.

Nandoer laid out the blanket over the two of them and placed one pillow behind his backpack and one behind his head. ”I guess we're sleeping here.“

Guillermo didn't know how to really react to all of this. all he could do is muster out a small ”sorry...“

”It's fine. this is a lot more comfortable here. it's a lot like sleeping in a coffin.“ he wrapped one of his arms around Guillermo.

Guillermo wanting to go back to sleep at this point just hid his face in the nook of Nandor's neck as he fell back asleep mumbling about stupid clowns.

the sober realization as to what had just happened hit the both of them as soon as they woke up. It hit Guillermo the hardest since he woke up with Nandor’s tits in his face. So he got out of the tub as quickly as he could and checked that it was safe for Nandor to leave the bathroom.

after Guillermo made sure it was night he went back in and helped Nandor out of the tub. They both made their way into the main room to pack up and make the room look less chaotic.

”Thanks for last night. I genuinely didn't expect you to do that.“ Guillermo said while taking down the curtains.

”you were running around the room like a spooked horse,” Nandor was putting one of the pillows back on the bed “I wanted to make sure you weren’t being attacked or something.“ he turned around to go grab the cape Guillermo tried to use as a blanket almost bumping into Guillermo.

”well that was really nice of you. but you didn't have to sleep in the tub with me. you looked really cramped“

Nandor looked down and fidgeted with his rings. ”I needed to make sure you were going to be alright all night. You're going to need a good amount of sleep if you're going to protect me.“ once he was done talking he quickly walked back into the bathroom.

Guillermo wonders who is this man and what did he do to Nandor.

Once they had everything packed they got the fuck out of there.

”so are you two looking for a room with two beds or?“ the lady at the front desk asked. Guillermo really gave him too much power.

Nandor thought about it. ”no just one is fine. But let me check with my partner”

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #guillermo de la cruz #nandor the relentless #nandermo #wwdits fanfic #there was only one bed #gather around and lend me your time #guillermo has a fear of clowns that only gets worst as the fic goes on #guillermo's final evolution: scared dog on the fourth of july #I just really want these bitches to hold each other is that too much to ask?#two bros chilling in a bathtub #no inches apart cuz they're too tired to repress their feelings #I'm writting this tag in hopes it will hype me up to post this OINHEQBIVWRBEUO

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seaquestions · 3 months

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i can imagine Anything ☝️ <- me having thoughts abt a darkest dungeon relationship dynamic nobody else ever thought about (ok thats a lie. Two people have thought about it.)

#incoherent turtle noises #it’s reynauld/sarmenti. listen. hear me out. do you wanna see two guys be so horrendously hostile and catty yet so vulnerable to each other #once i get it on paper. you’ll understand. or not. my visions…. ohhh my visions….#on one end its ‘you are not a clown. you are the entire circus’. on the other its ‘you are KILLING my silly guy personality’#and on both ends its ‘you wanna stab me so bad it makes you look stupid’

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daisyachain · 3 months

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There are places where I think a sex scene can dramatically impact a story in a way that enriched the viewing experience and conveys important information. There are movies and/or tv shows in which this happens. I haven’t seen any of them. So much of the time it’s there to do exactly what it says on the tin. A woman and a man are banging. Sure. Fine. Happy for them. It’s just a literal scene used to pull a bit of a ‘well you didn’t think THEY would be involved’ plot twist or a ‘we’re so edgy’ signal. The only show so far that I’ve seen that uses sex scenes as an actual tool of storytelling is Black Sails, and the reason it works in Black Sails is that the sex is Bad. People are bored. People are distracted. The characters are so bound up with the plot that it’s physically prevented them from fucking like normal human beings. That works. The rest doesn’t

#kelsey rambles #don’t ask what prompted this post because it would lead to me being institutionalized #but I do think sex scenes have a lot of untapped potential for just. character information. that doesn’t get used #like the anne/jack scene. it communicates so well that the intimacy between these two comes from trust and not the other way around #anne isn’t attracted to jack as a person and jack is neither here nor there on anne as a romantic interest #he pursues her out of a sense of ‘well she’s a woman and that’s how this works’. she semi-sort-of-dates him because it’s all the same to her #she’s never wanted a guy so why wouldn’t she consider a platonic bond to be just the normal thing for screwing around #Jack isn’t paying attention to Anne because he’s thinking about money.#Anne is bickering with him like they’re a pair of muppet clowns #it’s so very awkward and unsexy. it’s not even charged enough to be embarrassing #they may as well be clipping each other’s toenails for all the raw desire there is(n’t) in the scene #and it works! these are two characters who have an intimacy so far from romantic that the writers describe it as twin-like #they misinterpret it as desire because they’re plank-thick pirates. it’s not toxic it’s just kind of square peg round hole #(hah hah). good scene. shows should try having good scenes more often

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haruichi-mamiya · 2 months

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I've been playing it takes two w a friend recently and if you don't know what that is, it's like a whimsical two player game where you're playing as two about to get divorced ppl who are turned into dolls and you have to collaborate and navigate thru various obstacles and enemies in order to return to normal

Anyways lovebrush boys and mc playing this game.....

#👓#imo ayn and mc would have the funniest time w this game #they would try to aim their weapons at each other for shits and giggles #clowning on your playing partner is an integral part of it takes two. to me #theyll all do well on the collaboration end #but like Everything Else...

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quickhacked · 8 months

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saw u tag one of ur posts as james and 👀 hehehe i want to hear more abt jim :3c

(ofc only if u want to!!!)

EHEHEHE THANK YOU i wrote a little introduction post about her here so that would be a good place to start at >:^)

so tl;dr james is aubrey's twin sister and she's a private investigator and security guard at the club bodytalk in downtown night city! she mostly works there as a bouncer because she's good at throwing punches and throwing people out, but she's also in charge of overseeing any ongoing gigs from aubrey's fixer business and sending in reinforcements if necessary (or she just goes out there to deal with the problem herself)

she used to be on the wilder side when she was younger, drinking and doing drugs much like aubrey but instead of it leading her down the path of partying and one night stands she got in trouble with the ncpd a LOT and she mostly just got into so many fights. she's not like that anymore nowadays, after getting married she settled down and after her divorce she mostly just wanted to vibe. she's not made for a 9 to 5 job and that's why her current occupations are perfect for her because she can work in the evening hours at the club and do the investigator stuff on the side :)

she ends up getting together with luna at some point a bit later in the story! they first properly meet when luna starts working at bodytalk a bit more and grow closer quickly when james gets injured after a gig and she ends up going to luna's shop because it's the closest ripperdoc she could find. need to spin them around more but things are happening in here alright

some more facts because i love her

james uses she/he pronouns, in the sense of mainly she/her but if you wanna use he/him for her she doesn't give a fuck and also actively encourages it when people ask her :) this is mirroring aubrey's he/she pronouns, he has the same kind of relationship with his pronouns. the two of them often jokingly say they swap pronouns every other week LMAO

she's a few minutes younger than aubrey but also a single cm taller and she has decided to make it her entire personality. as is her right

james has pretty bad anger issues which are entirely a result of her past, with her father being a piece of shit and her mother not taking care of her children at all. she's very protective of becca, her older sister, who took care of her younger siblings throughout their whole childhood

james nowadays lives together with rikki, her younger half-sister :D rikki basically moved in after aubrey left for elysium (spaceship) and when he returns, he goes to live together with leon which means rikki can stay with her older sister. the valentine siblings all love each other very much basically and don't mind sharing a living space at all, it's what got them through their childhoods and especially after aubrey has been trapped in space for nearly a year they all agree it's important to stick together as much as possible

#asks #mutuals #hibernationsuit #ask:james #oc asks #THANK U SM i love her she's my cringe fail losergirlboyfriend #aubrey and his siblings are part of cassidy's storyline btw which has nothing to do with the in-game events of cyberpunk!#cassidy is an assassin who goes to hunt down a gang leader but that doesn't really work out for him #skip ahead a few years and cassidy and said gang leader are together and they're hired to do a gig on the spaceship elysium #and that's where they meet aubrey and then after that gig they all go back to night city and aubrey gets the club with his sisters #and starts his fixer business :) and that's how all those different storylines all come together basically tee hee #the in-game events of cyberpunk are the story of vincent and the whole clown brigade. and the broker fic takes place after all that :)#so far the two storylines are parallel to each other with a few touching points here and there and i'm planning to keep it that way #at least for now. who knows what will happen #hope that makes sense. there's so much going on here HJGDFKGJHJDFG

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ramshackledtrickster · 2 years

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Sad bc I have many modern au ideas but I feel like I can’t share them unless I have drawings prepared

#most of which Connor related #Haytham isn’t involved with Connor’s formative years #he’s raised by Ziio and his grandma and Achilles #kanen’to:kon and him have a secret handshake #his family calls constantly while he’s away in college #Connor and Haytham know of each other bc of Achilles #Connor doesn’t want anything to do with haytham #any attempt between the two to reconnect ends in frustration #Connor’s friends are super supportive of him and clown on Haytham any chance they get even if they don’t know who he is #Ziio and Achilles are besties fr #also ziio lives #… until I draw most of this out I’m not deleting this post #assassins creed

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void-botanist · 1 month

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Thade Adventures: Parkour

OCs: Thade Orech-Pabat, Caladea Ores-Pabat, and Pirianus Orech-Pabat

Words: 500

Content warnings: heights, getting kinda made fun of in front of your crush

Taglist: @vacantgodling

“Do you think it’s possible to parkour all the way down to the ground floor from here?” Thade said, leaning against the railing at the edge of the open space that cut all the way down to said ground floor.

“Maybe,” Caladea said, barely looking up from her phone.

He grinned. “You think I should try?”

She looked up for real. “No, you can’t parkour.”

“I can totally parkour,” he said, pushing himself up on his arms so that his hips rested against the top of the railing. He brought one sandaled foot up between his hands—he wasn’t going to go further than crouching on the rail, because he couldn’t parkour, but his foot slipped out from under him and his arms betrayed him and he found himself bent double over the railing, clinging to the slats, his feet barely skimming the carpet. The fourth floor suddenly looked very high up.

“Okay, I take it back,” he said. “Can you help me?” If he’d been with anyone but Caladea, they probably would have left him there to think about his actions for a while, but she came over right away to haul him back up by his pants waistband. Which would have worked if he hadn’t chosen this moment to be wearing sweatpants. Instead of helping, she just pulled down his pants, and he suspected also his boxer briefs.

“Oh no, I’m sorry,” she said like it was an accident, but she was also giggling.

“Callie, you better not be filming this.”

“I’m not.” Giggle giggle. She must be, because she certainly wasn’t helping him. He kicked his legs a little bit and felt a cold rush of fear as he shifted forward on the rail. Well, this was fine. He could just work his way back up the slats with his hands, and he would eventually slide back onto the floor. It wouldn’t be easy, but it would be faster. He’d hardly started when he felt familiar rough-edged hands on his hips and he was ungraciously pulled back upright. As his blood stopped pooling in his head, he beheld Pirianus standing there, frowning as always. That is, until Caladea showed him something on her phone, and he cracked a tiny blue-edged smile.

“Thanks,” Thade said with zero gratitude, pulling up his stupid sweatpants. Before he could escape these two chucklefucks, though, Caladea turned her phone on him, and he was met with a photo of himself stranded over the rail, his panicked face looking through the slats, and his hairy asscrack surrounded by ironic hearts and sparkles. Across the top was the word PARKOUR flanked with party poppers and flames.

“Great, thank you,” he said with a fake smile. It should have been funny. He should have been laughing—he could take a joke at his expense any day of the week—but instead he felt his cheeks burning. “I’ll get that put on my calling cards.”

He didn’t look at her or Pirianus as he walked away.

#it WAS an accident however. this did not stop her from taking the opportunity #this one actually made me feel kinda bad for him. because yeah normally he would laugh it off and be fine #in fact if Caladea had managed to get him back up onto the floor he would have been howling about that picture #“no put a clown emoji on my face. yes I promise not to fake parkour again” (this is a lie but it will be less dangerous next time)#that's really what she intended. Caladea is not a mean-spirited person #and shouldn't he have been able to see Pirianus's little smile and be fine anyway? but he knows Pirianus doesn't actually like him #and this otherwise hilarious situation is pouring piles of salt in that wound #so anyway I think Thade has spent most of the last thirteen years pining after someone who will not let him in in the slightest #so he laughs it off and is “fine” with it but this is going to be an absolute powder keg when Kiatcarmen dies #(on that note do you think their theme song is Total Eclipse of the Heart)#Marcus's polycule: tearful heartfelt reunion #Minaya's polycule: trying to hold it together through the funeral and coronation #Kiatcarmen's polycule: just two guys. fighting in the hallway. their husband and wife are ignoring them #(Marcus's polycule is betting on whether they're going to wrestle each other in the hallway tbh)#c: Thade #c: Caladea #c: Pirianus #wip: iecunem #rose writ #thade adventures #rose brambles

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