#but they’ll probably still win next election anyway | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ashenpages · 3 years

Text

Current Projects & Emoji Voting Key

Quick disclaimer: I’m a romance writer in all aspects of the term, so most of my works will contain mature content. Engage at your own risk, you know the rules, you’re responsible for curating your own experience of the internet, blah blah blah.

This post serves as a current mock up of fic ideas I’m either actively working on or considering working on next. You can drop me an ask about any of them, or just vote via the emoji combo I’ve assigned them.

Voting lets me know you’re excited about an idea and makes it more likely I’ll actually work on it. You can vote anytime, there’re no deadlines or winner announcements, just me gauging your interest by what I see in my ask box most often.

You can also ask me about the original stuff I’m working on currently. The current WIPs are Medusa centric and the emoji for them is: 🐍

Support my original work on Ko-fi and Patreon.

- Lupin: 🤑🤠💍 These are all oneshot ideas, between 5-15K each. If you want to vote for a specific idea, send me the emojis and the number of the idea.

Born from the idea that Goemon and Zenigata probably couldn’t be an item, my brain decided to come up with how I could write for them. Goemon’s teaching an ikebana class as part of his training, and Zenigata shows up as a student on forced recreational leave for his health from the ICPO. Zenigata wins the samurai’s heart through flowers. But what happens when Lupin and Jigen find out? (Only good sexy things, I promise. These beans are in a healthy polycule--be gay, do crimes) (WIP)

Jigen/Lupin, but it's Jigen deciding to seduce Lupin while wearing his own Lupin disguise. The thief is waaaaay too into it, and some artistry is taken with the sex so that they don't mess up the disguise too much during their encoutner.

Jigen/Zenigata/Lupin where Jigen has some fantasices about Zenigata, but is pretty sure they'll never happen. Tells Lupin about them. Suddenly the fantasies are coming true, in the middle of a heist, and Jigen doesn't what to do except get swept up in the moment and enjoy. Plot twist, it's Lupin dressed up as Zenigata granting all his gunman's dreams. Plot twist again, Zenigata catches them at it.

Zenigata/Lupin, where Lupin keeps doing good things in illegal ways and Pops has to find a way to punish him for it. Good thing for Pops Lupin's a masochist?

Trans!Lupin and Trans!Jigen premise: Jigen cares for Lupin after the master thief has top surgery, since Jigen has Been There and Done That. Caring, sweet, and a little sexy. Lupin is a much better patient than Jigen.

The one time Zenigata caught Lupin in an alley and kissed him and it was Jigen in disguise. Things get sexy anyway, and Zenigata has crushes on two thieves now. Lupin and Jigen "kidnap" him later for an evening of taking care of their inspector.

The background plot of Jigen's Gravestone where we see Jigen think he's done for and try to leave Lupin. Our thief has none of it, and we get to relish in the inherent eroticism of Lupin sitting in sniper fire, knowing Jigen's got his back. This is the moment I think Jigen finally believes he can be with Lupin forever.

I love the idea of something longer and more plot driven like a Lupin special where Lupin ends up in hot water and Jigen and Fujiko have to work together to save him. Jigen and Fujiko have such an interesting relationship. They're both partners of Lupin, they don't really like each other, they constantly screw the other over, but when it really matters they take care of each other. I'd like to see that highlighted a little more and also give them space to call each other out and bicker. Nothing sexy between them, but maybe a really interesting threesome with Lupin and Fujiko in a strap on once they save their boy.

- Sonic Vampire Novelist Coffee Shop AU: 📚☕💐

Shadow is an immortal vampire who has seen the world change for the worse too many times. These days it feels like he only lives for his coffee dates with Rouge, another immortal who loves each new era they encounter, warts and all. He has to admit that the book series she got him into speaks to him, at least. If someone in this era can understand him without meeting him, it can’t all be bad. But he hardly expected the goofy blue barista at the new coffee place to understand him the way those books do.

This is a novel length romcom romp with some big feelings about what it means to watch as things change, grow, and die. Expect lots of Big gothic feelings from this one, emotionally charged kissing, and overly-adoring sex. But also expect shenanigans from everyone in the coffee shop, which include Rouge, Amy, Tails, Knuckles, Cream, and more.

- Sonic Blazamy, "Like the Sun": 💖🌸💎

Amy Rose has been in love with Sonic for a while.

Or has she?

When the Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, Shadow, and Silver are trapped as the fuel sources for Doctor Eggman’s newest evil scheme, Amy teams up with Blaze, Rouge, and Cream to save them. With Sonic out of the picture and Amy fulfilling his role, was she ever really in love with him? Or did she just want to be like him?

This is a novel length epic romance with lots of competent women and lots of romantic Blazamy content. Expect flowery hopes and dreams, badass self-actualization, and glancing hand touches that give way to cuddly and sweet sex.

- Persona 5: 🗡🍛☕

After bringing down the Metaverse twice, Ryuji didn’t think graduating high school and figuring out what to do with his life would be so hard. Akira’s back in town, and the gang’s more-or-less all in Tokyo, but everyone else seems to have a plan while Ryuji just floats. How’s he supposed to change the world when he’s not a phantom thief anymore?

This is a novel length fic that addresses how powerless one can feel being just one person in the face of all the corrupted systems and bigotry the world has to offer. It’s about holding on to what you believe in, working through the doubt, and fighting your way to a better tomorrow with the power you do have. The whole gang is queer, featured relationships being Mako x Ann, Ryuji x Akira, Futaba & Yusuke as platonic life partners. Akira is polyamorous and omnisexual, Futaba’s asexual and aromantic while Yusuke is demisexual and very romantic, Makoto’s a lesbian, Ann and Ryuji are bi, and Haru’s pansexual, demisexual, and aromantic. They’re one giant band of queer Phantom Thieves, and even if they’re not really doing the Metaverse thing anymore, they’re still gonna save the world!

Also, I’m gonna make Makoto not a cop. That super didn’t age well. Zenkichi and his boss can work on making them better/abolishing them for other better organizations.

- Hades Game: ❤️‍🔥💀

Oneshot. I just really need to elaborate on the threesome you can have with them in-game, okay? Healthy and canon poly relationships are so few and far between, so often I have to do a ton of groundwork to explain why it’s working in the fic, but NOT WITH THESE KIDS!

Get ready for Meg helping Zag and Than be better at expressing their feelings, lots of kissing, and probably pegging.

- Castlevania Animation Trevor/Sypha/Alucard: 🧛🏰🛌

Castlevania gave Alucard a threesome last season, and I just really need S4 to give me him being taken care of by his partners. They’re probably not going to give it to me, so I’ll need to do it myself. This is just an everybody loves Alucard oneshot, with the gang’s signature banter (to an extent), Sypha being sexy, and Trever being remarkably sincere. This fic is gonna feel like that Ann Hathaway picture with Trevor kissing Alucard and Sypha holding the end of Trevor’s whip while she leans her head on Alucard’s shoulder adoringly.

- Devil May Cry Nico/Lady/Trish: 💋✨😈

Nico’s gay, okay? Like really, really gay. And Lady’s bi and not into men who make her pay bills, but very into women who make amazing guns for her and demonesses with hearts who fight by her side. Trish is ace, but loves people and is pretty attached to Lady at this point. Plus it’s cute when Lady blushes and says nice things like they’re insults. I don’t have super solid ideas for them yet, and I envision these more like a polycule where Lady’s with Nico and with Trish but they’re not with each other more than seeing it as a threesome, but who knows what might happen. This is probably 1-2 oneshots depending on ideas, but might turn into a series of oneshots if people are interested (or I can’t control myself and inspiration strikes).

- Post FMA:B Blind Roy & No Alchemy Ed: 👀👑🙏

This is actually an old novel-length fic I wrote ages ago and didn’t post that didn’t turn out well because I was new to writing sex when I first wrote it. The plot is good, and is all about Roy learning to work with his blindness to reclaim his ambition of being Fuhrer and changing the system to something that actually cares for its people. He and Ed reconnect, fall into bed, and both set about working through their respective traumas about being “useless” having lost their sight/alchemy. They go to Xing as an ambassadorial party to offer Amestris’s collaboration on Al and May’s Alkahestry experiments--and uncover a plot that might threaten both kingdoms.

- Age of Calamity continuity Mipha x Revali: 🦚🐟💘

The first time Revali noticed Mipha, it was in the heat of battle. She stole his mark, taking them down with a flurry of quick blows from her spear. Violence rained from her like water--and then she healed him on her way to her next battle. No questions, no conditions, just pure kindness. The usual need to measure himself against those around him was quiet in her wake. And Revali couldn’t understand it. But how to get to know more about her? A fish and bird may fall in love, but where would they live?

This fic could be a oneshot or novel length depending on how far down the hole I fall. I need it to cover time, but it could be done in linked vignettes or with actually covering events in detail. I may elect to do a oneshot just to get it done and out of my system faster. So much fic to write, so little time.

Expect trans!Revali, polyamorous Zoras, scary competent Mipha, songbird Revali, love confessions that are made up entirely of berating Link for not loving Mipha the way she wants him to, and breaking these characters a little outside of their assigned roles in BotW and Age of Calamity. Background Link x Zelda, and Urbosa x Zelda’s Mom.

- Epic desert romance about Urbosa and Zelda’s mom: 🏜🏝⚡

I just think Urbosa should kiss women and Zelda’s mom should get more development and maybe a name or something. Also, lightning imagery/metaphors/play.

It also went way over my head that Riju wasn’t Urbosa’s daughter the first time I played BotW, so now I want to write about the Gerudo queen who refused to produce an heir. The Gerudo are fascinating and have a very interesting cutlure, but I think it could be examined from a nonbinary perspective that rejected pregnancy and wanting to find a husband. Not in like a hateful way, but in a way that examines if that’s really right for everyone. There’s that shop in town that sells Voe armor, after all. Maybe finding a husband and having children isn’t something you have to do if you don’t want to. And Urbosa really doesn’t want to.

#age of calamity #Devil May Cry #RoyEd #Castlevania #Breath of the Wild #Hades Game #Sonic the Hedgehog #Lupin III #Persona 5

59 notes · View notes

broughttoyoubytheletterf · 3 years

Text

Telling the Family (ficlet)

At one time I was going to write an entire series of how different people react to finding out Elizabeth is running for President but this is the only one I ever finished. I’m cleaning out old files, so here have it.

“You have to talk to your family you know.”

“Hmmm?” Henry continues to keep his eyes on the book in front of him.

Elizabeth plops down on the other side of the bed, disturbing Henry and causing him to give her an annoyed look. “I’m just saying, you should have a conversation with them.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The campaign,” she responds simply. She settles into bed, pulling the covers up to her waist and grabbing a policy book from the floor.

He stares at her, agape, “Really? You’re just going to throw that out there and leave it to me? Isn’t it a little early to tell them anyway?”

She avoids his gaze and flips open the binder. “Give them some time to process everything, you know Maureen will have thoughts she needs to share. Plus, it’s going to be an invasion of their privacy as well.”

He huffs. “Well shouldn’t you be there when we talk to them then?”

“No.”

When she doesn’t elaborate further, he tugs her reading material out of her hands. “You’re telling me that you’re ready to face the scrutiny of the entire country but you won’t come with me to talk my family.”

“Yes,” she says blithely. She looks thoughtful, “What do you think the chances are that Maureen votes for me?”

He laughs. “Eh, I’d say about 75%, she’s mellowed out a bit since Dad died. So there you go, another reason to come with me, get some experience stumping for votes with intransigent constituents.”

Mulishly she says, “I don’t wanna.”

“Petulant isn’t a good look on you Elizabeth.”

She side-eyes him. “I’m not being petulant, I’m being realistic, I think the chances are better that she votes for me if I’m not there. Also, you’re lying, you like all my looks.” She laughs and straddles his lap.

He grips her waist and smiles. “You’re right.” He leans forward and blows a raspberry on her neck. “But you are coming with me.”

Two weeks later she is sitting on a couch next to Henry at Maureen’s house. She is bouncing Maria on her knees and the four-year old is squealing in delight. She still doesn’t know how Henry conned her into coming and got it to actually happen. She’s dealing with no less than three separate international incidents that could spiral into crises at any moment, but Henry hadn’t let her use that as an excuse. She’s dragged half the State department with her it feels like, Jay is in DC holding down the fort but she has Blake, Kat, Nina, and Daisy in the motorcade out front and Matt is down the street at a coffee shop feverishly writing a speech.

Henry is tapping his feet next to her. He had been uncharacteristically quiet on the drive here, though that could have been because she spent most of the time on the phone, doing her best to restrain herself from yelling at her entire Bureau of East Asian Affairs. She’s not usually a yeller, so maybe Henry is not the only one nervous about this conversation.

Maureen comes back into the room, balancing a tray of glasses. “I have coffee for everyone, but I’m afraid I only have regular creamer, none of that flavored stuff.” She looks pointedly at Elizabeth as she sets her load down. Elizabeth barely keeps herself from rolling her eyes, she asked for vanilla creamer once, a decade ago, and Maureen still likes to act like it was the height of privilege. The child on her lap is getting restless, so she puts her down and she runs off to play.

After everyone is settled into their seats with their drinks of choice, Maureen breaks the now heavy silence. “So is there a particular reason you gathered us all here? Is one of you dying or do you just like to see your subjects scurry?”

Elizabeth lets out a breath, clearly Maureen is feeling particularly intractable, which does not bode well for this discussion, but she also knows that the other woman mostly gets that way when she’s scared. She responds quickly, “Both of us are fine, as are the kids, they send their love by the way.” It’s almost imperceptible, but Maureen relaxes. “The reason you wanted to talk to everyone, all at once, is because…” she rehearsed twelve different was to say this but she still feels unprepared. Henry reaches over and squeezes her hand.

As if saved by the bell she hears the front door open, and when she looks over Kat and Blake are standing there, wringing their hands. She looks at them expectantly. Kat grimaces, “Apologies all for interrupting,” she focuses her attention on Elizabeth, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we just heard back from Chen’s office, he says they’re moving forward with their plans, immediately, they’ve already started..”

Elizabeth interrupts, her face turns murderous, “Get me Chen on SVTC now.” She might yell that last word. She stands up, “I swear, China is going to be begging us to sell Taiwan drones by the time I lay out the alternatives, which reminds me, Blake let Russell know I am 100% behind repositioning the fifth fleet, maybe some military posturing is just what we need, remind them that we have our own array of antiship missiles and that they do not want to get into a damn shooting war with us. Especially over some fucking drones.” She stalks over to the doorway. Kat looks taken aback, Elizabeth rarely curses at work, or ever. She doesn’t even want to look back and see what Henry’s family looks like.

She purposefully softens her tone, though she feels like preventing World War III, for the fifth time this year, merits some coarse language. She gestures towards Blake who is already on the phone, “Tell Russell I think Conrad should call Li. Ask if he wants me on the call.” Blake nods. “And I swear if this is the Assistant Secretary’s fault again, I’m firing her, I don’t care whose niece she is.” She slams the front door behind her.

Henry stares at the closed door for a moment, and sends up a quick prayer for peace, both for the world and in his family. He turns back towards his family, who look a little aghast. He’s not surprised, Elizabeth has done her best to not talk about work around them, and she definitely never lets her temper show like that. He smiles in what he hopes is a disarming way. “So, that might take a bit, so why don’t we talk about something else? Shane, how’s the new job going?”

Shane starts to respond, but Maureen stops him, “I’m not going to wait around while Elizabeth is off starting wars, so just tell us whatever it is you wanted to tell us Henry and then you can both gallivant back to DC.” Maureen’s husband squeezes her shoulder in support and Erin and Shane are purposefully avoiding his gaze so he imagines that he isn’t going to be able to put this off until Elizabeth gets back.

“This is really more her thing than mine, so it would be best if she could tell you.” Maureen glares at him. “Okay, okay, we just wanted to talk to you guys about some changes in our life, changes that might effect you, though we’ll do our best to prevent that.” They all shift nervously. “Well you’ve probably heard the rumors and speculation, but we wanted to let you know it’s true, Elizabeth has decided to run. She won’t be announcing for a while yet, we’re thinking in about four months, but we wanted to let you know now.”

They stare at him blankly, until Erin asks, uncertainty in her voice, “Run for what?”

He almost laughs, because he forgot for a moment that there is a whole world that doesn’t follow politics obsessively, that doesn’t spend every second enmeshed in world affairs. “President,” he responds simply.

That sends them all atwitter and there’s lots of cross-talk and yelling and accusations. He spends the next 45 minutes fielding questions, from Elizabeth’s position on abortion (he tells them they’ll have to ask her, he’s well aware his wife is ardently pro-choice, but he’s not stepping on that landmine before it’s necessary) to, once the kids wander back in, whether that means they can get free tickets to football games.

Elizabeth slips back in, she looks marginally more relaxed, so he takes that to mean there are no nuclear missiles currently incoming. Maureen spots her first and pins her with a glare. “So I hear you’ve decided you want to be an actual queen.”

Elizabeth moves further into the house and resumes her seat on the couch next to Henry. “Well democratically elected is the plan,” she says lightly and reaches forward to grab her now cold coffee. Maureen guffaws. “And really that’s only if I win, which is still a relative long-shot.”

“Once again you’re only thinking of yourself.” Oddly, Henry notes, Maureen’s voice doesn’t have its usual venom.

Elizabeth takes a sip out of her cup. “I like to think I’m thinking of the greater good, how to ensure a better future for our country and the world. Believe you me this isn’t something I sought out, I never thought I’d do this.” Henry struggles to hide his smile, because Elizabeth sounds exactly like a politician, she doesn’t think she’s ready, but in moments like this he sees it. And if he calls her a politician to her face he won’t have sex for a month.

#Madam Secretary #Elizabeth McCord #fic #ficlet #i don't know #feeling some sort of way tonight so you get this #i was going to write one for a lot of side characters #ray merchant #jareth #juliet #craig sterling #etc etc #but i could never get it off the ground

45 notes · View notes

somethingusefulfromflorida · 3 years

Text

1960: John F. Kennedy/Lyndon B. Johnson vs Richard Nixon/Henry Cabot Lodge Jr.

1964: Lyndon B. Johnson/Hubert Humphrey vs Barry Goldwater/William E. Miller

1968: Richard Nixon/Spiro Agnew vs Hubert Humphrey/Edmund Muskie vs George Wallace/Curtis Lemay

1972: Richard Nixon/Spiro Agnew vs George McGovern/Sargent Shriver

1976: Jimmy Carter/Walter Mondale vs Gerald Ford/Bob Dole

1980: Ronald Reagan/George H.W. Bush vs Jimmy Carter/Walter Mondale

1984: Ronald Reagan/George H.W. Bush vs Walter Mondale/Geraldine Ferraro

1988: George H.W. Bush/Dan Quayle vs Michael Dukakis/Lloyd Bentsen

1992: Bill Clinton/Al Gore vs George H.W. Bush/Dan Quayle vs Ross Perot/James Stockdale

1996: Bill Clinton/Al Gore vs Bob Dole/Jack Kemp vs Ross Perot/Pat Choate

2000: George W. Bush/Dick Cheney vs Al Gore/Joe Lieberman

2004: George W. Bush/Dick Cheney vs John Kerry/John Edwards

2008: Barack Obama/Joe Biden vs John McCain/Sarah Palin

2012: Barack Obama/Joe Biden vs Mitt Romney/Paul Ryan

2016: Donald Trump/Mike Pence vs Hillary Clinton/Tim Kaine

2020: Joe Biden/Kamala Harris vs Donald Trump/Mike Pence

The same candidates tend to show up year after year. Not just President running for re-election, but Vice Presidents running for the top slot themselves, incumbents or candidates, successful or not; Richard Nixon (1952, 1956, 1960, 1968), Hubert Humphrey (1964, 1968), Walter Mondale (1976, 1980), Bob Dole (1976, 1996), Al Gore (1992, 1996, 2000)

I would expect John Edwards (D-2004) to try and make a comeback, though he was only a one term senator from North Carolina, so that’s looking increasingly unlikely. The state swung for Obama in 2008, but hasn’t voted blue since (except for governor, but he has no power because the Republicans control the state legislature)

Paul Ryan (R-2012) will be back for sure; he retired from the House in part over of disagreements with Trump, but one doesn’t just give up being Speaker and slink away into obscurity (just look at Newt Gingrich, he refuses to shut up or die), so I think Ryan is just biding his time and hoping the whole Trump thing blows over in the next decade. If the party shifts away from Trump, he might offer himself as a slightly more moderate (“moderate*”) alternative.

Or maybe Sarah Palin (R-2008) will try and reclaim the presidency for herself; she’s a hardcore right wing nutjob, she was a Bush supporter AND a Trump supporter, and she’s still relatively young, so I could see her stepping back into the spotlight to try and “being the country back” to the traditionalism of the early 2000s. Nostalgia is cyclical, so I figure around 2028 or 2032 people will start looking back fondly on the Clinton and Bush years (Clinton more so than Bush, what with 9/11 and the wars and such)

Tim Kaine isn’t even one of the famous senators; there are some senators that everybody knows, even if they’re not from your state, like Chuck Schumer, Joe Manchin, Lindsey Graham, Bitch McConnell, big names with big reputations. Tim Kaine is a nobody, just a bland and inoffensive white dude Clinton picked to be as uncontroversial as possible (she couldn’t pick a woman or a black person because then the ticket would have been “too diverse”). He’s not the future of the Democratic party, but I could see him trying to become part of the Senate leadership. Maybe the whip (vice leader), I don’t think he has what it takes to be leader outright.

I don’t think Mitt Romney (R-2012) will run for president again; that ship has sailed. Moderate Republicans are critically endangered, extinct in the wild, with single specimens in captivity (in Vermont, Massachusetts, and Maryland). After back-to-back losses in 2008 and 2012, I don’t think Republicans will run a moderate candidate ever again. Romney could maybe just maybe become the whip if he so desired, he’s a big enough name with support enough to become their presidential nominee, though he’ll never be the leader; McConnell was their golden goose, he gave hem exactly what they wanted and changed the game to give them an advantage even in minority. They will only ever elect hardliners like him from now on. Romney is too soft; he cares too much about the other side (he’s not liberal by any stretch of the imagination, he’s a Mormon for Brigham’s sake, but he voted to impeach Trump twice which means he may as well be a liberal in the eyes of the public)

Mike Pence has committed political suicide. Democrats hate him for his homophobia, sexism, racism, classism, and weird relationship with his wife who he calls “mother.” Republicans hate him because he didn’t break the law to re-elect Trump. Damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t. He’s ultraconservative and super religious, so under normal circumstances he’d be a shoo-in for the nomination, but after breaking with Trump in January he’s dead in the water (he didn’t even really break away, there was literally nothing legal he could do; if he had tried anything it would have been struck down by the courts). And besides that, Pence is boring as hell. He’s milquetoast, he’s a saltine cracker without the salt because it’s too spicy, he orders plain hamburgers with ketchup on the side, all his steaks are cooked well done, he gets a boner when he sees a woman’s ankle and has to self-flagellate for penance, he sends back water if it has too much ice because it makes his teeth hurt. He’s the sacrificial lamb they’d nominate specifically to lose so they can save a stronger candidate for later when there’s no incumbent.

Kamala Harris is basically president-in-waiting (or rather nominee-in-waiting; who knows if she can actually win?) Biden ran on the unspoken promise that he would step down in 2024, making her the front runner, but he has recently walked this back and says he plans on running for a second term himself, pushing Kamala back until 2028 at least. She has good PR and has convinced half the country that she’s a progressive instead of a cop, so if she runs she’ll definitely have an edge over Democratic challengers. The media picks the nominee, and in 24 or 28 they’ll pick her for sure.

It’s becoming increasingly harder for people to stay relevant over multiple decades. I can’t imagine any 2004 candidates running in 2024, but Bob Dole managed to get on as Ford’s #2 and come back as #1 himself twenty years later (he lost both times, but still). Richard Nixon beat the odds and actually got elected in 68 after losing the presidency in 60 and the governorship in 62; he was pretty much coasting on Eisenhower’s legacy, selling himself as the anti-Goldwater, who lost in 64 to LBJ in a landslide.

Trump is acting like he’s going to run again, but whether or not he’ll fully commit is up in the air. On the one hand, his least insane niece says that he doesn’t want to put himself in a position where he could lose again, his ego couldn’t take it, he’s so embarrassed he can’t even admit it happened the first time. On the other hand, he’s too proud to accept defeat and just let some other candidate take his spot as leader of the Republican Party; the Republicans haven’t had a leader since Eisenhower, every other president has disappeared after leaving office.

Nixon resigned in disgrace

Ford was elected out

Reagan disappeared in the 90s because he didn’t want the country to see him deteriorate from Alzheimer’s

Bush Sr was elected out

Bush Jr was despised with approval in the 20s (record low), and could potentially have been tried at The Hague if Obama had balls

Now Trump wants to stick around, even though he’s older than Reagan and FAR less healthy. He’ll probably be dead in 15 years anyway; no way he reaches 90. His mind may already be going, but unlike Reagan he isn’t self aware enough to know it, so he might try to stay in the spotlight even after the dementia sets in. Wo knows?

What his niece says, and what I think is most likely to happen, is that he will pretend like he’s running in order to scam donors out of millions of dollars to pay his exorbitant legal fees, but then bow out of the race before the primaries. Whichever candidate he personally endorses will become the nominee and go up against Biden. Biden will win the popular vote, but I don’t know if he’ll win the electoral college; if this happens for the third time in a quarter century, I expect nothing less than chaos in the streets, perhaps even civil war (well, I expected civil war after 2020, and we’re still standing, so again, who knows?). All I know is that congressional Democrats will throw a hissy fit but do nothing to stop the Republicans from sneaking their way into office without a mandate AGAIN.

The last Republican to legitimately win the presidency was George Bush Sr in 1988. Jr lost to Gore, and only got re-elected in 2004 because he invaded Iraq the year prior. Democrats have won 7 of the last 8 elections, including the last 4 in a row. There are more Democrats and left-leaning independents than Republicans and right-leaners. If the Republicans lose-but-win AGAIN, I don’t think the county could take it; there would be phony calls for secession on TV and legitimate whispers behind the scenes, there would be lawsuits, there would be an even bigger assault on the Capitol than January 6, people would riot, the National Guard would attack brown people with impunity while peacefully corralling the white ones with shields and loudspeakers.

There hasn’t been an assassination since 1963, and no assassination attempt resulting in injury since 1981. Someone threw a grenade at Bush Jr in 2005, but they wrapped a handkerchief around it so the lever didn’t release. I think multiple politicians on both sides of the aisle might be targeted in the event of another electoral college screw up.

Trump could face jail time for his tax crimes, though given his high profile I think he’d get off with a slap on the wrist. He has never faced consequences before, so why would they start now?

#politics #political #2024 #2024 election #2024 prediction #2024 presidential election #politicians #John Edwards #Sarah Palin #mitt romney #paul ryan #Mike pence #Kamala Harris #Donald Trump #Joe Biden #fuck trump #fuck donald trump #fuck Republicans

14 notes · View notes

arcticdementor · 3 years

Link

I was talking to Sarah yesterday and I had a revelation I think is worth sharing.

Let’s begin at the beginning. About a month ago, Instapundit posted this.

Now, I’ve been thinking of the rise and fall of civilizations lately. I can’t think why it’s been on my mind. It’s a tale as old as time—a civilization emerges, establishes a new worthwhile order, the good things brought forth by said order soften up the people maintaining it, the softening turns to decadence, and the decadence gives way to the barbarians, who clean the slate. Where would you say things are lately?

…

In short—the federal government of the United States of America has become impotent at almost all good things.

Expanded out—There is no start to its talents. It cannot maintain its borders. Since the “election” it doesn’t even try. No surprise there. It cannot maintain friendly relationships with allies—as our recent screwing of Britain on our way out of Afghanistan shows. The “leader” of the “free world” could not be bothered to pick up the phone for our closest ally. Speaking of Afghanistan, it can’t win a war. It can’t even lose gracefully. In fact it fucked up leaving so badly some people are entertaining that it intended to fuck it up, because how the fuck does somebody above the age of six not notice that pulling the military out first and the civilians out second is not even a remotely workable strategy? Resulting in leaving millions of dollars of equipment—and—excuse me, what? Millions of dollars of dollars in the desert? Fantastic.

It makes self sabotaging and idiotic choices to stymie its own domestic oil industry, while accepting a pipeline not from Canada, but one that’s a joint Russian-German venture instead. Which means the problem, contrary to any environmentalist whining, isn’t the pipeline—it’s the pipeline with a friendly country. Big surprise— its only true interest in the environment lies in international agreements that hamstring us while doing nothing to China, the world’s largest polluter. It either can’t be trusted on energy production and the environment, or is trying to get it wrong.

It can’t manage its economy. What could have been a “V” shaped recovery has been turned into an “L” shaped one. What could be contributing? Paying people to do nothing? Rampant inflation? Meanwhile all the dumbasses running the country can think of is spending several billion more dollars that don’t exist. The country has infrastructure problems for a fact, but they’ll only acknowledge that to the extent of cynically plastering the word on an “infrastructure” bill which is in fact just a far Left wishlist that largely ignores actual infrastructure, in the hopes people will be dumb enough to support it because it has the right label.

And on.

What aptitudes does it have besides taking money, trampling civil liberties, and ignoring constitutional laws at gunpoint? News flash, dummies: We don’t need peaceful protestors incarcerated without a trial. We don’t need the weight of the federal government turned to the problem of violating states rights because Texas passed a law Biden doesn’t like. We need military egresses that look like they weren’t planned by Bozo the clown and an economic plan better than something China would design for us as an attempt to permanently sink the country. Is there anyone at all in DC who can provide that? If not, is there anything useful they can do? I’ll wait.

…

This is what decadence looks like. When the government stops even attempting competence because nothing and nobody that currently exists can replace or displace them so who cares about results? When comfort and plenty have become so common, been taken for granted for so long, that the question of utility or even basic sanity isn’t even distantly considered. When it’s assumed that self-harming policies that will obviously damage the country won’t really matter because nobody has ever known a world without America and fundamentally has no idea how the present day came to be. When the country’s most educated start chasing bizarre and unimaginably stupid ideas on economics that boil down to “inflation won’t happen if you double the monetary supply by printing money, if only you just believe hard enough”. In fact, when education stops being a means to greater insight, more useful abilities, and a better life, and becomes a cult devoted to the kind of idiocy that can survive only with strenuous censorship, the tenets of the cult being treated by the indoctrinated as a collection of sacred mysteries and deeply-thought paradoxes— while to those not similarly trained it is self-obviously a collection of contradictory and self-serving lies.

Verily, decadence is here. We can infer that what comes next is the barbarians. And we have options. Mexican illegals? A heady mixture of poverty-stricken Marxists who have never known a system that wasn’t corrupt, functionally lawless, and devoted to the tenets of voting oneself rich; and outright criminals with lives like “a demon’s resumé”? Perhaps radical Muslims? By sheer numbers worldwide they’re the most likely option. The Taliban just got a huge infusion of cash and a big boost in morale. In a few short days we’ll know whether they’ve arranged a thank you gift for Zho Bi-Xen and his kleptocrat marching band to commemorate his intended pull-out date. But even if, and God I hope, they have not, we can expect an uptick in terrorism and quite shortly. Or perhaps China? The Middle Kingdom would laugh at being called barbarians, but I call genocidal communists like I see them. Mao was morally three steps below a pig and Xi has enough power to aspire to greater depths. As is I wouldn’t dream of feeding a pig Mu Shu Xi due to the great risk of poisoning the pig.

But there is a barbarian group not considered. Us.

Hang on. Before you balk, listen. Look again at what these idiots are selling as the fruits of civilization. Defenses of pedophilia and urinals as art. And more, too—sterilization and disfigurement of teenagers in the form of sex changes. Black supremacy as a panacea to made up threats of white supremacy. Books nobody reads, movies nobody watches, paintings that exist only to launder money—even the ones not made by Hunter Biden.

What good person would not be proud to be considered a barbarian by these miserable, over-decorated Faberge people? I’d be mortified if they agreed with me! So they think I’m a sexist or a racist or whatever. Fine. They do not use these words to mean the same things I mean, so it’s a pointless argument, and they are now officially beneath my explaining myself to them. When the people who are calling me names are so morally opaque that the Taliban can make devastating critiques of them just by referencing the foundational works of their own gender studies programs, I’m done caring about the names. Fine. I’m what you think is a racist. I’m what you think is a sexist. But you think a lot of very stupid things, and as the curtain continues to draw back on the carnival of madness that’s been behind the scenes the entire time it’s occurring to me that what you think and reality overlap so seldom that the only time not to ignore you is when I can ridicule you. If that is your civilization, someone hand me a pointy horned helmet.

…

Yes, this is a moment of peril, but also opportunity. See in your country what every hostile group listed above sees in it—the makings of great civilization, along other, less stupid lines. All of it guarded by weak, fat, stupid people with no will and no self-belief. Take that mindset and go forth.

Get involved in your local systems. There is an old prayer for God to make ones enemies ridiculous. Congratulations to whomever was still praying it. Your prayers have been answered. Will you tell me that you cannot defeat these people? People who lose casual debates to terrorists not on principle but on basic facts?

…

You can’t reason with them so don’t bother. Recent events have made it clear you may as well try to talk sense into a three-day-old mackerel. Just confront them with their own stupidity so that people who see the inevitable video understand what this is about, and don’t feel that you are too good to shout them out of the room. You’re the barbarian, remember? Not like the nice civilized people with their gender-queer Tik-Tokers pushing vaccine propaganda. That means you’re excused from conversations with morons. Don’t bother trying to find common ground. Look at where they’re standing! Do you want to try to find the midpoint between that and reality? Silly. Pointless. Send them back to their walled online gardens to whine to their equally stupid friends about the barbarians.

Can we take it back from the ground up? I don’t know. But hey, it’s got to be worth a shot. Join the fun! Find some friends and locate a low-hanging political event to raid. When was the last time you went to a town hall for your town? Isn’t just a part of you curious to know whether your local county commissioner starts by declaring her pronouns? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to see someone like that made very uncomfortable? You can make that happen. You can probably do it within the next month. Bring a few friends! Or a few dozen. Some of the people reading this probably were afraid to do that kind of thing for fear of losing their job. The Biden economy might have freed up some of your time. What have you got to lose now? More importantly, the way things are going, are you going to lose it anyway if things continue as they are? Think on it.

#thomas kendall #sarah a hoyt

2 notes · View notes

fluffykitty1999-blog · 3 years

Text

Burned Chapter 17

Morning found Roy awake and downstairs before either of his boys, nursing his first cup of coffee and ambling down the road, wallet in hand.

There was a newspaper vendor at the corner of his street, always had been, and he was one of the early birds that morning, purchasing a paper as he'd promised Ed.

'SUSANS WINS ELECTION' was the headline, and Roy smiled slightly at the news- Ed would be pleased to read about it later.

'CENTRAL SLASHER STILL AT LARGE' was the next headline down, and Roy frowned, carefully tearing the paper in half at the crease so only the article on Susan's victory was visible. He left it on the table for Ed to find when he wandered downstairs, heading up to his study and scanning the article on the killings with fresh eyes, hoping that reading about it would jog his memory, give him some significant detail he'd missed before... No such luck.

Hughes was probably still at the office. Roy morosely wondered if he'd even been home- probably not. He couldn't exactly blame the man. Still, it was disheartening, knowing Hughes was spending so much time on this and Roy couldn't really help.

He found himself picking up the phone and dialing the familiar number anyways.

"Hughes here." his friend picked up on the fourth ring. He sounded exhausted.

"It's Roy. How are things?"

"Not good enough." Hughes said, tone sounding clipped. "I've interviewed everyone at those talks but the politicians themselves at that talk. Susans came in yesterday, but she didn't have anything helpful, and Trevors is coming this morning. I can't reach Xavier though, we've been calling every hour for who knows how long. The election is over, he has no excuse to be unreachable right now-" Hughes sounded thoroughly pissed, which was unusual for him. "Besides, any politician who gives a damn about their voters would want to keep them safe."

"Hughes, how long has it been since you've slept?"

The line was quiet for a moment. "I took a nap a few hours ago." he said simply.

"For how long?"

"Three hours. I've got coffee, Roy, I'll be fine."

"Right." Roy didn't sound convinced. "How are Gracia and Elicia holding up?"

Another pause, this one tinged with pain. "Good, I think. I haven't really been home. Gracia calls every few hours to let me know they're still alright, I told them both they aren't to leave the house with this freak still at large... Gracia seems alright, but I know she's miserable."

"Yeah, and so are you." Roy supplied. "Look, I'm not trying to be an ass here, but you're exhausted and could use the help. And Gracia and Elicia could use some company. So- hear me out here- let us help you."

"What are you proposing?" it was a testimate to how tired Hughes really was that he was even considering the offer.

"Ed and I have to go into the office today. But once we're done with that, I'll take Ed and Al over to your place. The boys can watch Elicia and I can escort Gracia out to do some shopping. We both know she hates being cooped up in the house. And on our way home we'll stop and visit you. You can have some time to talk to Gracia, and I'll look over your case notes. See if a fresh pair of eyes finds anything new. What do you think?"

"That's a good plan. You sure you don't mind?"

"If anything, it'll give me an excuse to duck out a little early this evening. You know I despise paperwork."

"Right. I- thanks, Roy, I really appreciate it. I'll call Gracia and let her know. She doesn't complain, but I know she's getting cabin fever. See you tonight."

"See you then."

Roy hung up the phone, thoroughly satisfied with himself.

That day at the office was uneventful, although Ed had discovered he could sneakily drop pens into the slots in Alphonse's armor when his brother was engrossed in a book, much to his younger brother's annoyance and Ed's merriment.

"So- why are we babysitting again?" Ed asked as they drove down the road towards the Hughes residence, looking bored.

"Because- Hughes has been at the office for days, and Gracia needs as escort to go shopping and she wants to see her husband. We shouldn't be too long- and even if we are, it's a favor for Hughes."

"Oh- alright." Ed didn't complain, probably because he didn't mind it if it was a favor to Hughes.

They arrived at the house without much fanfare- Gracia smiled when she saw them, but the smile didn't exactly reach her eyes. She explained that dinner was in the fridge for all of them, and that Elicia would probably like to listen to her favorite program on the radio and then play board games in the playroom.

She gathered her purse, looking happy to be going but a bit nervous as she scrutinized the boys. "We shouldn't be long. Are you boys sure you don't mind watching her?"

"Psh- piece of cake." Ed waved her off, beaming a reassuring smile. Elicia was already attempting to climb on Al's suit of armor like a jungle gym behind him. "We totally got this."

"You know the office phone numbers- both of them- in case of emergency." Roy said to reassure her, nodding to Gracia.

"Right, of course. Well- have fun! Elicia- be good!"

"I will, mommy! Big brother, why don't you stand still so I can climb better!"

"Because I'm not a jungle gym! And I don't want you to fall and get hurt!" Alphonse protested.

Ed was laughing to himself, watching the scene, amused, as Roy and Gracia left, being sure to lock the door behind them.

"Do you think they're alright?" Gracia asked, as she picked through the produce nervously at the store, Mustang standing beside her in his uniform, hands in his pockets.

"I think they'll be fine. Ed's more than capable, and even if he is a little reckless, Alphonse is always there to be practical. They have the phone numbers if they need anything."

"Of course." Gracia placed some apples into the grocery basket, still looking downcast. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean to question their abilities. I know Ed and Al are fantastic. It's just... this is the first time we've left Gracia alone with someone other than my mother to watch her. And with everything going on lately and Maes being at the office so much... it's been hard."

"I understand. It's a stressful time. But the sooner Hughes gets this case done, the sooner you all can rest easy. Besides- we'll be over to see him shortly. He's looking forward to seeing you- I could tell just by talking to him on the phone."

"That's true." Gracia brightened significantly at the thought of seeing her husband, and even gave Roy a wane smile. "Then I suppose I'd better hurry and finish this shopping so I can see him sooner.".

"Horsey, horsey! Faster horsey!" Elicia chanted from where she sat, perched atop Ed's back. Ed, for his part, was on all fours on the playroom floor, a rather degrading position, if you asked him, but still, it helped keep Elicia amused and from breaking flower vases, so he'd go for it.

"Al-" he groused, walking around as fast as he could muster without knocking his rider off his back. "Isn't it your turn to be the horse?"

"No. He's metal and too big. You need to go faster." Elicia said matter-of-factly, digging her heels into Ed's ribs.

"Yah!" Ed started and jumped, before starting to run around faster.

Alphonse snickered.

Fifteen minutes later, Ed was lying sprawled out on the floor on his stomach. "No more. No more."

"Aw. No more horsey?" Elicia looked saddened.

"No. Horsey has retired." Ed admitted, tired.

"Huh. My Daddy always is a horsey longer than that." Elicia looked disappointed, before pointing at the clock. "Big brother, what time does that say?"

"7:30." Alphonse supplied helpfully.

Elicia gasped, green eyes growing impossibly wide with excitement. "That means my radio program is on!" she grabbed Al's leather hand in her own, tugging him towards the stairs. "C'mon! You have to listen to it with me! You too, little brother!"

"'M not little." Ed mumbled halfheartedly from where his face was smushed into the carpet. "An' I'll catch up-"

He could already hear the metal clanking as Elicia pulled Alphonse downstairs.

Ed sighed, gathering himself and walking down slowly after them. Elicia was already laying on her stomach in front of the radio, feet in the air and chin perched on her hands, elbows on the ground as she stared excitedly at the radio.

Al had carefully selected the channel she asked for, and now the crackling radio-operator's voice announced the start of 'The Littlest Pony" radio show.

It was hard for Gracia to hide her excitement at seeing her husband- even if it was only in the office. Maes, too, looked excited, wrapping his wife in a bear-hug and not letting go for nearly a full minute.

Roy let them talk and settled himself behind Maes desk, eyes scanning the gore-filled pictures and casefiles with intense scrutiny.

While the couple talked at length about each other- how they'd missed one another, how Elicia was doing, how Gracia was holding up- the conversation eventually circled back to the case.

"Do you think it'll be over soon, Maes?" Gracia asked, looking hopeful.

"I'm doing my best, sweetheart. Roy was kind enough to come help me look over these case files..."

"Any leads?"

"No. Well, yes." Hughes ran a hand through his hair, looking frustrated. "We've interviewed everyone except the politicians. Susans came yesterday, she didn't have any useful information, and Trevors today, nothing new, but Xavier we still haven't been able to get ahold of anyone but his secretary. I'm afraid he may be a dead-end too- and then- I don't know what we're going to do." Hughes admitted, looking defeated.

"You're brilliant, honey, I'm sure you'll think of something."

A knocked sounded at the door, and they all looked up from their respective places.

"Come in." Hughes said, sounding weary.

The door opened to reveal a rather slight woman with honey-blond hair, carrying a small gift basket. Roy recognized her from her picture in the paper today- it was Susans, the woman who'd won the election for representative today.

"Hello Lieutenant Hughes." she offered him a warm smile.

"Miss Susans. Hello. Nice to see you again. Did you remember anything since our interview yesterday? Any new details?" he looked hopeful.

Susans shook her head. "I'm sorry, but I didn't. I just won the election, though- and I know how invested you are in this case. As my first move as our official representative, I brought you a small token of thanks for all your hard work." she nodded to Gracia, offering the basket to Hughes. "I hope I didn't intrude."

"Not at all. We were just discussing the cooperation of the candidates. Or lack thereof. You were the easiest to get ahold of." Hughes admitted.

"Oh, you've been having trouble reaching them? That's a surprise. I talked to Trevors today- he was disappointed to have lost, but agreed to work as one of my assistants. Good man. And Xavier said he'd be visiting you today. I'm surprised you haven't heard from him."

"You've heard from Xavier?" Hughes looked excited. "He's the only witness we haven't been able to reach for an interview. His testimony might crack this case!"

"He's been meaning to stop by for awhile, it sounds like. He's a rather... odd fellow, though. He seemed to nervous on the night of the last debate. He even went missing for awhile- I suspect he was in the bathroom. And then- when he was leaving for the night- well, I don't want to embarrass him..."

"Miss Susans. Any detail you remember could make or break this case. Please, I need to know." Hughes had already snatched up a nearby notepad and pen, staring at her intensely. Roy had now abandoned his casefiles and was watching the exchange as well, as was Gracia.

"Well- he- when he left after the debates, he was carrying a pink handbag. He has a wife, but she wasn't there that night, so... I suppose it could've been from a lover..."

The notepad and pen fell from Hughes slack hands and hit the floor.

"I'm sorry, can you repeat that please?" Roy was on his feet, shocked and disbelieving.

"He was carrying a pink purse that evening that he didn't have when he came in." Susans admitted, looking surprised by the intensity of their reaction. "I didn't think it was a big deal, in fact, I'd completely forgotten about it until you asked. Why? Is something the matter?"

"That's our man, Roy! Xavier is our man!" Hughes boomed, looking excited. "The purse! Ed mentioned the purse! It all makes sense!"

"No wonder your office has been having trouble reaching him, he's the one!" Roy thundered, looking equally excited.

"Is this significant to the investigation some how?" Susans asked, looking surprised.

Hughes was animated enough he might have sprung across the room and hugged her.

"Yes! Yes, Miss Susans, I think you've cracked our case!"

Susans smiled, looking pleased with herself. "Well, I'm afraid I don't understand how, but I'm glad I could help. Still, I'm surprised Xavier hasn't gotten in contact with you. I just spoke to him today on the phone. I gave him the same offer as I did Trevors- to work as one of my assistants."

"And what did he say?" Roy asked, still interested.

"He turned me down. Said he was disappointing by the results of the election, but he wasn't going to let it bother him any longer. He said he had to pay a visit to one of his greatest supporters and thank him in person today..."

"And who was that?"

Susans looked surprised. "You mean you don't know? He said his biggest supporter was YOU, Lieutenant..."

"Of course. Because I've been investigating the case this whole time... But why hasn't he been here yet, then?" Hughes asked himself softly.

"Oh- he said he didn't want to bother you at work. Said he'd rather visit your wife and daughter as well. I think he was planning on going to your home."

I need a lotta lattees to make it through these days....

Just kidding! But donations are always welcome at https://ko-fi.com/fluffykitty12

#fma fanfiction #FMA #burned #burns #injury #accident #Edwhumph #edward elric whumph #parentalroy #parental roy #roy mustang #ed whump #whumph #whump #angst #hurt ed #comfort #hurt #hurt/comfort

4 notes · View notes

kinetic-elaboration · 3 years

Text

November 7: Election Thoughts

I truly didn’t expect the presidential race to be called today, but in a sense... it doesn’t feel that different. I’d already figured Biden would win, it was just a matter of time. But with some races still not called, and some recounts still likely... I don’t know. It’s like I got a certain wave of relief realizing he was pulling ever farther ahead, and thus that the projections and so on were actually right, and looking to remain right. And then another wave of relief when the election was called. And then I expect another wave when the other states are called, especially if he has enough of a lead that a Georgia recount, or a Michigan or Pennsylvania or wherever else recount, won’t matter.

But the only real, true relief will come when Biden is inaugurated, for two reasons. First, The Donald is still in office until January and he can do a lot of damage in that time. And second, we won’t know how peacefully he’ll leave until he leaves.

I admit, and hopefully this won’t turn out to be naive, I don’t think he’s going to fight his ouster. Mostly this is because, while it’s true that he’s done real damage these past 4 years and I don’t wish to undercut that at all, in general he cares more about people talking about him, paying attention to him, etc., than he cares about anything else. He gets something out of threatening not to relinquish power, just like he got something out of claiming he would dispute the ‘16 election results, which I’m about 98% sure he would not have done. All the inside dirt about that election says he didn’t expect to win, he might not even have wanted to win, he might have only run in the first place in order to promote his own TV network, and he actually had, according to the Mooch at least, plans to hop a plane to Scotland to golf on the day after the election. Of course, now that he’s been president, he obviously likes it, or at least, parts of it: not the work he isn’t doing but the adoring crowds, the rallies, his face on the news, all the attention, etc. I’m sure he really wanted to win this one and doesn’t want to leave. So I’m not saying that his attitude now is exactly as it was before the election four years ago. But still, the effort of actually digging in his heels and clinging to the bedpost and being dragged out by security seems way above him. He’ll talk shit from now until the Inauguration, and he’ll keep talking shit after probably, but he’ll do it from Mar-A-Lago. That’s my prediction.

Again, mostly just my gut feeling. He definitely has the soul of an authoritarian but he’s also very incompetent. I don’t think either should be underestimated.

So, yeah, in addition to wondering what will happen over the next couple months, I wonder what will happen to his general popularity/following. How many people will stick with him even through being a big, humiliated, pathetic loser, and how many people will abandon him? How many Republicans will abandon his ideology? I truly can’t predict this. We’ve already seen obvious people like Romney ‘side’ with Biden, but Romney’s one of those Republicans who was just itching for an excuse to not be Trump’s bitch. Most of the rest of them have taken to it pretty well! So I’m not sure what they’ll do.

Anyway, it’s not really that I want to be thinking about this rn, but just some thoughts I figured I’d get down.

#the year 2020 #2020: rl #2020 election

4 notes · View notes

archergwenwrites · 4 years

Text

ZM - Feb 10 - Fake Dating

@zutaramonth

“I still don’t see why I have to go.”

Sokka frowned at the Switch in his hand from the comfy chair. “It’s simple, Katara. Dad’s a teacher; at least half his coworkers will be there-” The console beeped sadly as Suki’s beeped triumphantly. “-and he’ll be disappointed in you if you don’t show up so he can brag about you.” He turned to look at Suki whose lap on which he was reclining. “How to you keep doing that, woman?”

Suki stuck her tongue out at him before replying, “get gud.”

“Rematch,” he said, kissing her nose. “Anyway, Katara, just go to your five year reunion. Who cares if you’re going solo? No one’s gonna care about high school drama.”

Both Katara and Suki snorted in derision at the same time. “Fine, think poorly of your classmates. But I bet that-”

The door to Sokka’s apartment slammed open and then closed as his roommate returned. He tossed his keys into the bowl on the kitchen island, effortlessly turned it into an exhausted wave, and practically floated through their small living room gathering and down the hall. Another door slammed, presumably his room, and the three in the living room all exchanged amused glances as the muffled sounds of rustling still drifted back up the hall. A creak announced a door opening again, and Zuko emerged from the hall. He collapsed into the couch next to Katara, making her bounce slightly with his force on the fluff.

“How is everyone?”

“I’m doing-” Suki’s switch beeped merrily again. “Oh come on!”

“Give it up, Boomerang,” Zuko drawled, leaning his head back on the couch to stare at the ceiling, exposing his long, pale neck. “Your girlfriend is unbeatable.”

“Damn right I am!”

“Stop victory dancing under me! This is very unsettling!”

Chuckling, Katara returned her gaze to Zuko’s neck – since his face was currently unavailable. “We’re fine. How are you?”

His low groan was somewhat lost in the din of Sokka and Suki’s playful argument. “I’m alright. I’m just, tired of dealing with people, both at work in Uncle’s shop and with the city council.”

“Well I think you’re doing an amazing job.”

He lifted his head to give her a big smile just as Sokka turned to them from where he was now upside down on the chair. “Hey Zuko, go with Katara to her high school reunion. She needs a fake boyfriend to stave off all the terrible gossip remaining from high school.”

“Oh that’s not-”

“Sure, what night is it? Uncle will happily give me the night off.”

“Um, next Saturday. Doors open at 4:30 with dinner starting at 5:30. We don’t have to stay the whole time.”

He gave her a cheeky eyebrow raise. “I’m prepared to stay as long as it takes. I’ll save you from the gossips.”

“Careful, Zuko,” Sokka said teasingly before Suki shoved him onto the floor with a thwump. “Katara was quite the heartbreaker in high school. You’ll have to beat them off you with a stick.”

Katara was clenching the steering so hard she thought she might snap it off. “We should probably go over our story before we go in.”

Zuko gave her an amused glance. “Our story?”

“Yeah. How long have we been fake dating?”

“How long ago was your last relationship?”

She thought for a moment back to college. “Three years.”

“Year and a half then. Taking it slow because we started when you were in your final semester of college, about to do study-abroad; I was just elected to the city council but didn’t want you to get away so to speak without taking a chance, so we’ve only been dating in the same city on equal life footing for eight months, but it’s been long enough that it’s not too early in the relationship to bring me to a reunion and have it be desperate.”

“Yeah that makes-” She blanched. “That’s very good but my dad will be in there.”

“So tell him your plot.”

“What!” Zuko shrugged. “He’s Sokka’s dad, too. You think he wouldn’t like a good prank?”

“It’s not a prank,” she replied, exhaling as she released the steering well. “It’s winning the relationships.”

“That’s healthy,” he quipped, getting out of the car. She laughed as she slipped out of the car.

“Really? You of all people are gonna say that when you would date your private school girlfriend no matter what crap she’d put you through?”

Zuko shrugged, throwing an arm over her shoulders as the moved towards the door to the gymnasium. “Takes one to know one, princess.”

“Gross. No nicknames.”

“Oh, Sugar Queen? A memorandum on nicknames?”

“Knock it off, Prince Ponytail.”

Zuko laughed, and from the other side of the gym Hakoda caught his daughter’s eyes. “Whatever you say, Sweetness.”

In front of the check-in table and the innocent Earth Kingdom girls who’d volunteered for this, Katara punched Zuko with a quick jab into his side closest to her before turning to them. “Hi, Katara Sweetwater and guest.”

Zuko took her nametag from the nice volunteer and stepped close to Katara so he could affix it to her blouse. She blushed at the attention. He tapped her nose with a finger just as her dad’s hand landed on her shoulder.

“Katara. Quick question. I’ll bring her right back Zuko.”

“Nice to see you, Hakoda, sir.”

The older man gave a smiling nod before pulling his daughter to the side out of earshot of others. “You brought Zuko?”

“Before you start, it was Sokka’s idea.”

Zuko leaned against the wall blocking access to the small alcove where Katara and Hakoda were clearly hashing something out. Somehow, that must have given a guy with even scruffier hair and leather pants permission to lean against the wall next to him. Zuko just raised an eyebrow, but waited in silence for the stranger to explain himself.

“One of the downsides of being the teacher’s daughter. Always pulled off to get private lectures.”

“I’m not sure; the man has a fine touch with the grill. I’d almost consider him a perk.”

The stranger offered a hand. “Jet.” Ah yes. The one from end of senior year into college. The teenage rebellion one. The “only brought home once to unmitigated disaster” one.

Zuko took his hand and gave a firm shake. “Zuko.”

Jet’s eyes narrowed. “I don’t remember such a name in our graduating class.”

“Oh no, I didn’t go to this school. I’m Katara’s date though. Hence the hanging back. I’d much rather navigate this with her.”

“Interesting. We used to date; did she tell you that?”

“No, sorry. It must have slipped her mind.”

Jet scoffed a little. “Typical. Well, here’s some free advice, since you’re obviously new to this relationship. Whatever Mr. Sweetwater says, goes. She won’t even question how high if dear daddy tells her to jump or to break up with some guy. So I wouldn’t get too attached. If Mr. Sweetwater decides you’re done? You’re done.”

Zuko raised a dismissive eyebrow. “If you think Hakoda could make Katara do anything she didn’t want to do, I’d say you’re a fool.”

“That’s what I thought. But just you wait. Or you could always bail. I mean, it’s a little weird to be coming to a school reunion this early on, don’t you think?”

“I don’t know,” an older voice cut in. “A year and a half sounds about reasonable to me. Katara, thanks for updating me on Sokka. I appreciate it.” Katara, now standing next to Zuko and away from Jet, smiled at her father as he stood in front of the three of them. “Zuko, always a pleasure to see you.” He pulled the younger man into a brief hug. “Good to see you, too, Hakoda.” The teacher turned to the third member, voice and face notably colder. “Jet. Enjoy the party, all of you.” And he waded into the loose crowd.

Zuko offered a hand to Katara. “Well, care to introduce me to some of your classmates?”

“Of course,” she replied, placing her palm in his. “Nice to see you, Jet.”

“Uh, yeah. Same to you.”

Zuko gave him a jaunty two-finger salute from the forehead. “Nice talking with you, buddy. Enjoy the party.”

Jet just glared, and Zuko had to keep him from laughing. He leaned down to Katara’s ear. “Please tell me you have more ex-boyfriends I can annoy.”

She turned, her face so close to his, as she replied, “Unfortunately, no. There are, of course, multiple hearts I broke, but most of them were actually nice.”

“Then why break the pattern with Jet, of all people.”

Katara shrugged. “You don’t always see a mistake before you make it.”

Gently bumping her shoulder with his, he replied. “Fair enough.”

Katara tried not to panic as the dinner ended and spun into dancing. Zuko was too good at this. She knew that both his jobs required him to charm people, but she didn’t know when he had gotten good at it. Well, not good like a politician is good at charming. It all felt so real, the way he was genuinely interested in Haru’s moustache care or how he listened to Jin talk about her full classrooms of adorable kids. He still stumbled over words - he was still Zuko - but no one seemed to care, least of all him.

When he asked her dance for a slow song, she regretted having asked him to come the way she did, but it was too late now.

“This is nice.”

He only hummed in reply, the note vibrating in his chest. With her ear pressed against his sternum, she could swear she could feel it.

“You were so charming. How do you manage it? It can’t be just all that council practice; I see you enough times when you come home from a session.”

He chuckled, another pleasant vibration against her face. “I just comfort myself with the knowledge that, given how few of them I met before tonight, even just as your friend, I don’t have to see these people for another five to ten years, whenever they schedule the next reunion. It makes it a lot easier to let the mistakes roll off my back, because they’ll have forgotten by then.”

Katara pulled back. “You would come to another of these with me?”

“Of course, Katara.”

She leaned close, still swaying to the music. “Real or for tonight?”

His eyes widened, but he didn’t immediately say anything. Disappointed, and shocked she was so disappointed, she tucked her head back on his sternum. “I’m sorry. That was, unfair, of me to ask.”

“No, it just, surprised me. I didn’t expect you, well.” He paused. “Do you want it to be fake? Because if not, we can ditch this popsicle stand and get some real ice cream and get talking in peace.”

“Getting ice cream sounds nice.”

“You gotta remember to take it slow though; don’t want to get hurt going to fast in trying something new.”

“Of course. It’s the best way to appreciate what you chose.”

As the song ended, Zuko pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Then, Sugar Queen, lets go get you some super chocolate fudge.”

“Aww, you remembered!”

#zutara #zutaramonth2020 #fanfiction #zuko x katara #zutaramonth

45 notes · View notes

amplesalty · 3 years

Text

Christmas 2020: Day 5 - Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July (1979)

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me...

FIVE EVIL KINGS!

“Christmas...in July?!” I hear you scoff “What a preposterous idea.” Well, maybe not. After such an unprecedented year as 2020 has been, governments around the world find themselves in the delicate position of trying to further the public health whilst trying to stimulate their economies that are circling the drain. Plus, do you want to be seen as the Grinch figure who cancelled Christmas? That’s going to look real good come next election season, isn’t it? Well, what if we didn’t cancel Christmas..just postpone it instead. Did you know that the retail industry does 50% of its business between December 1st and December 25? That’s half a year’s business in just one month’s time. But with the inherent risk of everyone piling into stores and the already lost time from all these lockdowns, why not delay things slightly to allow us all time to get this new vaccination. Seems to me that Boris Johnson would be wise to legislate a second such gift giving holiday. Create, say, a Christmas 2 next Summer to stimulate growth.

Thank you, Danny Trejo. I’m just surprised it took me this long to mention COVID-19. It took me like the very first sentence of the October marathon. I suppose the Christmas season doesn’t really lend itself to it as much, though Kevin McCallister was doing pioneering work in that whole social distancing thing back in the day.

But yes, Rudolph and Frosty. After seeing both their specials over the past couple of years, why not watch them together in some sort of superstar tag team in their own feature length motion picture epic? I’m jumping ahead slightly in the Rankin/Bass cinematic universe which apparently was a little unwise as I missed a couple of important plot points.

Like, apparently Frosty had kids at some point? How does that work? Do snowmen fuck? I mean, Frosty was always a little dim so it kinda feels a bit weird like Buddy the Elf having kids by the end of Elf. Did kids build him a wife, bring her to life and then their combined magic allows them to have sentient children? Or do they have to be built and brought to life too? How many magic hats to these kids have access to? Is there just a factory somewhere pumping these things out? I can’t believe I have so many questions about an anthropomorphic snowman.

Nevermind that shit though, there’s a whole backstory going on that we need to dive into full of evil wizards and deities appearing on Earth in human form. Many years ago the wicked King Winterbolt ruled over the land with an iron first and a frosty sceptre capable of great magic. But against him stood Lady Boreal.

Queen of the Northern Lights! Oh for God’s sake, first It’s a Wonderful Life comes back to haunt me and now this. Why do so many Christmas movies have so many instances of the goddamn aurora borealis?! Anyway, she rocks up and is like “Stop all this evil tyranny business.” and he’s like “lol, no” and tries to shoot her with his magic missile, to which she’s like “Bitch, please.” and puts him into a deep slumber. But nothing lasts forever and eventually Winterbolt awakens and finds like the North land has a much more jolly leader in the form of Santa and vows to overthrow him with a rather longwinded scheme involving him winning the love of all the children of the world by making Santa get lost in a great snow storm. Then, Winterbolt can emerge with his own supply of toys and become the new Santa!

But with her last ounce of strength, Lady Boreal transfers her remaining magic into baby Rudolph’s shiny nose. Or maybe this is some Biblical level shit and she put Rudolph upon the Earth to be the saviour of Christmas, that he might grow up to lead Santa’s sleigh through the dark and stormy night. Where was this angle in the original Rudolph?! Kinda re-writes that whole part about him being shunned by Santa and his own Father too. Does kinda take that whole ‘embrace who you are’ thing to a new level when you were pretty much created by a God to have this one seemingly life altering feature about you that actually means you’re destined for greatness. Bit of a test of these other reindeer too, this is how you treat he I have delivered unto you?!

So, now that we have some meddlesome reindeer getting in the way, Winterbolt sets off on some longwinded and convoluted plan that involves Rudolph and Frosty going to a 4th of July circus in order to trick Rudolph into committing an evil act that will void Lady Boreal’s magic. Plus, he gives Frosty and family some amulets that will prevent them from melting but only up until the last firework fades. And to do all this he uses some sort of magic snow which can implant ideas in peoples heads? So he gets this ice cream guy to encourage Rudolph and Frosty to be in the show to boost ticket sales and help his girlfriend. This guy by the way rides around in a hot air balloon and keeps a supply of ice cream at the North Pole. Dude, it’s called a freezer.

I love how they make this big thing about what an attraction Rudolph will be but his act is literally him standing in the middle of the tent, they use a fog machine on him and he uses his nose to shine through the fog. Then he just flies away. I mean, I suppose just having a flying reindeer is pretty spectacular in and of itself but give them a little more for their money, tell a joke or something.

This whole middle portion of the movie is a bit of a drag though. Just really boring and full of filler songs about the circus. I don’t know why this movie is as long as it is at like 98 mins. If you trimmed it down you’d have something a lot more solid. I’d say the one highlight in this portion is when Winterbolt goes to what seems to be this movies equivalent of a doss house and finds this really shady reindeer he can use to trick Rudolph. Just seeing this evil genius in Winterbolt interacting with this scuzzy landlord and finding this bum reindeer is just really weird.

youtube

There’s a neat version of Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree too. Has this slight country, Dolly Parton feel to it and is a bit more uptempo than the original.

I was pretty disappointed during this whole section and was worried that it would end up like Frosty but it won me back again in the end by tapping into some of that uncharacteristic dark Christmas feel that Rudolph had. Where that was more cynical, this gets oddly morbid.

Like, the plan is for Santa to swing by and pick up Frosty and family in order to take them back to the North Pole before the fireworks finish so they don’t melt. Frosty is still really antsy though and is keen to duck out, even if that means missing the fireworks. Bizarrely, his kids question him on this and ask him what kind of patriot he is. I guess I never really thought of Frosty being American like that but I guess they did refer to him as having just being born when they put that hat on him. Plus he’s always saying ‘Happy birthday!’ when he wakes up so you could say he was born in America. Only trouble is, Winterbolt has whipped up a ferocious storm that means Santa is heavily delayed.

So you get these scenes of Frosty, his wife and kids all coming to terms with their own fragile mortality as they watch these 100 fireworks going off one by one, with each rocket flying into the sky acting like another grain of sand in the egg timer of their life, another second ticking away toward their impending doom. Just these kids looking up to their mother and telling her that they promise they’ll be brave...oh my God.

Or Rudolph having to give a false confession to stealing the takings from the circus in exchange for Winterbolt keeping the amulets powers going so that Frosty wont melt. Only Frosty knows the real truth, so everyone just shuns Rudolph. His friends turn their back on him, the crowd boo him and his nose wont light up anymore. Cue a mournful Rudolph solo which culminates in him crying as he sticks his nose in some glitter trying to replicate the beaming light it once gave off. Poor little guy.

But apparently not everyone has given up on Rudolph becomes he comes... a whale with a clock on it?! Apparently this guy was in one of the Rudolph films that came before this, just what in the hell did I miss?

Even after a showdown between Rudolph and Winterbolt where Rudolph gets Frosty’s hat back, Winterbolt is still out for vengeance and comes to the circus for a final showdown. To which the lady that runs the circus has the most appropriate response possible...

Reach for the skies, pilgrim! Only, her guns are just props that fire blanks so she just hurls the guns at Winterbolt and they promptly shatter his magic staff and he turns into a tree. Ooooooookay then.

I feel like Lady Boreal could have saved us a lot of hassle if she’d put Winterbolt to sleep and then took his staff away rather than just leaving it laying around for him to use again when he finally awoke.

For a second there in the middle I thought that this would be more of a Frosty than a Rudolph but it redeemed itself a bit by the end. Probably not quite to the levels of Rudolph but I enjoyed the bookends of it. If they’d cut some of the middle out and kept it under an hour, I’d be a lot happier with it. Apparently there’s another Rudolph movie that came out in the early 2000’s that revists a lot of those characters from the first one so I’m really tempted to watch that as well but I feel like I already rode my luck here and I’d really tarnish my positive memories of the original by watching a cheap cash in. I probably will just watch it anyway though so I guess we’ll find out next year.

#Christmas 2020 #Rudolph #Frosty #Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July

2 notes · View notes

tslasvegas · 3 years

Text

Episode 4: “I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.” - Keegan

Dan and JAKE! A WORD IN MY OFFICE PLEASE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Wow! Today was A Day to say the least. I feel like boo boo the fool with how things went down today, but hopefully, I can recover from that now that there’s a new tribe. I’m excited to get to know new people, but sad to see my old alliances have to come to an end. I guess we’ll see what happens

Finally a swap and golly 5 OG Palazzo! I really hope this works in our favor. Kinda nervous for Joey and Stephanie tho because now they are in the minority of their tribe. I do hope they’ll find a way to survive till merge

LMFAO IM... watching the tribal council for the other tribe and I'm SORRY??? Who the fuck is Jake S he is the most condescending man I've ever seen in my entire life YIKES. Anyways this swap is nice.. I think I've got a good group, I really hope we win the next few immunities because I 1) really dont want to see Rachael on this tribe and 2) i want to try and rebuild my um. tattered relationships. I did the best I could in the challenge for tonight, I'll try to come back tomorrow a little more renewed cus I'm kinda wiped out from today's events. Now that my tribal council cherry has been popped for this Org its time to go crazy woop

So good not to check Luxor anymore!

youtube

Well last tribal went fine, I got to see what was in the Prize Vault which is awesome; now I have a better idea of the twist. Big problem though- Our swap put me in the minority. I was running Luxor and had a core 4, now they have 5 OG Pink so they can pluck us off, one at a time. I went from drivers seat to getting driven over. We need to win the challenge, so I'm gonna go ham in winterbells and hope to pull it out.

We swapped! I think I made a confessional already, but honestly I don't remember. I gave Livingston some of my chips so he can go visit the vault after the immunity challenge. We'll see what is in there and for how much, and maybe snatch up some real nice items to help us out. I've also got Andrew on my side, which is great and he's apparently quite tight with Pat, which is fantastic. Mo is a pretty decent dude and I've been talking with Jake a lot today. Things are going alright. I just hope we can win this challenge.

Phew, while the swap was not ideal. I was really liking my tribe, we were kind of quiet but individually everyone was great and we also kicked butt at challenges! Anyway, the swap with numbers wise not great, but I know Xavi from a previous game and we have a solid relationship, I hope he and John and Joey and myself can build a solid squad to make it to the merge. The challenge was rough tbh, I am not great at video games, but I think I did ok... Jaiden got like 20 trillion points on a game so really I have no idea how I did. Hoping for the best!

I am losing my mind in my personal life so I am sorry that I have been mia. I appreciate the patience from the hosts and my tribe. It makes me still want to play even though I've been kinda invisible. I'm aware of that. I'll fix it. I promise. Otherwise, its been pretty good as a tribe so far. Andrew, Pat, and NIk and i are all really close from other games, so we're good and Andrew and Pat and I are together, which is just really unfair if you ask me. I can't wait to start scheming!

Uhhhhhh.................................... anyways........ yall hear somethin? Oh I hear something. It's the sound of Joey literally blowing himself up to me hardcore!!!! The narcissism and arrogance really jumped out on this one. So Joey had the idea of calling tonight to go over some stuff and honestly out of the 2 hours we spent, I think about 45-60 mins of it was rather nice and I do feel that I enjoy his presence, but omg... his desire for control is so noticeable and its kinda gross. Joey and I debriefed on what went down on Bellagio and I totally understand why there was the difference in us discussing tribe dynamics - I had to give up all my info while he kinda kept things more reserved. I want to assume this is because of the fact that I went to tribal and he hasn't until now. I won't judge him for that. However, after this he's kinda like dictating the fact that an OG Bellagio needs to go home. Ben is the easier person to throw under the bus since he didn't even bother to do the challenge/let us know what's up. Not a big fan of that, but aight. Then Joey starts suggesting we vote out Kailyn...?? Uh... not on my watch. I have to make it up to Kailyn at least a little bit so even though she's probably got a loaded gun pointed at my head rn, I want to defuse the situation rather than start throwing her out there as a potential target. Even if it isn't coming from me, I'm not here for that. The information that Joey did give up to me relates to the chips in the game. I've never paid much attention to the chips, but I guess it takes 10 to get into the vault and Joey's got between 11 and 15 (he changed his answer on the subject SEVERAL times). He says there are three idols worth 40 chips each, then a super idol worth I think 50 or 60 (can't remember). On top of that, there are nullifiers, vote advantages, and a legacy advantage, too. He seems fixated on the legacy advantage and really wants the chips to get it. Like.. ok do you but we NEED the super idol?? Does he not realize that thing has more power than anything else in the vault combined..? ANYWAYS. What really started to turn me off about Joey is that there was this sudden expectation that I'd be giving him all of my chips thus far. I don't care about them to begin with but knowing what I know now, it doesn't make sense for me to give him my stash just to fuel his hunt for... a measly legacy advantage... I put myself in a compromising position. I told him that once a host gets back to me on my exact total, I'd be willing to trade him my chips for I guess an allyship going forward. I mean that. I want to work with Joey at least through this vote, but I can't guarantee that it'll go much further than that. He is a very risky person for my game right now because if he's coming off this strong to everybody, it's only going to hurt me by association to stick with him longer than a vote or two. However, I'm going to try and divert the attention and just be like, maybe we need to use my five as a bartering piece for new allies at this point. I want to try and build meaningful partnerships right now, especially since that was the only reason I wanted to make it to the merge.. Rebuilding is crucial as well. Kailyn and possibly Nik/Rachael are not going to be fond of me once we all have "the talk" about last tribal. I put myself in an even more compromising position with them, but I'll find my way out of that mess. I think........ As far as this tribe goes, I think between Joey's WILD imagination/constant over-analyzing and the lack of direction this tribe has taken so far.. I'm doing okay. Nobody is really standing out besides Joey and I guess myself in a way, so if I keep him around it MIGHT even shrink my own target little by little - unless people find out we're together then FUK.

......five seconds later

In terms of my other relationships right now, I love John Coffey but this is old news, I've been in love with this man since like 2016 and it's fine - totally fine - just fangirling a bit rn since I get to spend more time with him!! woohoo. Xavier and Stephanie are straight up non-entities which makes me SO scared of them especially since Stephanie's won an ORG before... how can someone be so irrelevant yet still win something? Hmm... Makes me think that she's secretly a ninja, you never even see her around. Nik has grown more and more quiet as the days go along and I wonder what's goin' on with that. Maybe they've decided since Biden won the election that moving to New Zealand is a bad idea? Lmfao. I dunno. Nik stresses me the hell out because I have no idea what they're thinking at any point in time even in the off-chance that we are talking. I think I might just have a personality they don't mesh with because I noticed on call forever ago that none of my jokes were particularly landing but Nik had a lot to say and a LOT to joke about there... rip. If it's a personality conflict - go off, I guess. I'll try on a couple different hats w this person to try and see if I can get things to go better than they have been. Kailyn.. like I said before, pretty sure she's after me but I am really trying to sell it to her that I like her a lot, because I do. I literally compare her to my best friend irl because they have very similar attributes and I consider Kailyn kinda messy but fun and quirky like my BFF so I hope that Kailyn did truly appreciate me making that comparison. Ben's inability to do this challenge is going to be his undoing. I think the only acceptable move is to vote him off this time because I HAVE to prove to Kailyn that I can stay the course, and I also need to whittle down Bellagio numbers to prevent people from targeting us and having everything go to shit that way. Let Joey control this, please dear god. Don't let me get blood on my hands. Let Rachael integrate herself well on this tribe. Let someone else blow themselves up in the process. Just not me plz and thanks. There is no fear in my soul tonight. Joey might be a fucking crackhead but so am I. I'm breaking down walls that I didn't think existed but Joey basically told me tonight that he thought I was confrontational, rude, chaotic, and all these other things but was impressed at how calm, optimistic, and outgoing I was. Love to hear it. He might think he overestimated me but he was right about the initial impressions... too bad he won't be around long enough to see that side of me :~)

FIRSTLY, DeNara was robbed. Okay so I already wrote this a while ago in my host chat about how the fact jake and dan are praying for my downfall because after the swap i am the only og bellagio on a tribe with 5 palazzo and 2 luxor. so after I slowly blinked at my screen for a bit I was like okay how do we survive this if I go to tribal. Because I’m under the impression tribes are gonna stick together especially going into merge but since Luxor is already down so many members it’s kinda Bellagio Vs. Palazzo. but then I was like okay wait I’m the only member of bellagio on this tribe after coming from a tribal so I’m the only one who can say what happened and I can create what narrative I want to help me get through the next couple rounds. Because if I was like oh blah blah I was in majority im so fucked then of course they’re gonna target me to get me out. But if I play the victim card and milk the fact that I voted in the minority acting like I hate my og tribe maybe they’ll think to use me as a pawn. To take down others moving forward. Listen if I have to be labeled a goat to move forward then BAA bitch.

.....five seconds later

Things are going good, because not only am no longer in danger this round but that means Rachael is going to the enemy tribe which if she came to our tribe that might’ve disrupted the narrative I had going of me being against og bellagio. Also DeNara should still be here, don’t think I didn’t clock the fact that Ben scored a 0. I also found out from Andrew that Rachael and Ben are apart of the same Tengaged group which explains why Rachael was so set on Ben staying but like, listen, if I end up in a game with someone I’m friends with, and they’re not active and helping the tribe. Good riddance.

What the. We lost yet again. I have lost everything since the start of the game. It's crazy. There are 4 from Bellagio, 2 Palazzo and 2 Luxor. 2+2 seems like an obvious plan, but it looks like it is falling apart already (read: Joey). Sucks to be across the world, so instead of scheming, I'll be sleeping.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. is the same as I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.

The swap did happen. Expected it. Glad we won this first challenge in this new tribe tho in worried for Stephanie and Joey

Vault Shenanigans - Holy shit I did not expect this to be as powerful as it is. I was preparing myself for some sort of payment based search system, but being able to straight up buy the items I want, but its also the same for other people. I had a misconception at how generous the wheel was so I'm probably behind some people with the amount of chips, but I could very well start scooping up some of the steal votes and just say "see ya" to the idols, although getting a super idol would be very wild, it still seems risky to hold out that long to get it, even though there's a great amount of power associated with it. The other issue with a super idol is that I think that its very likely that if I get into a position where I need to use it, that I lose a lot of respect with the jury if it does happen. The only benefit from actually having it would be that I no longer have to worry about someone else whipping it out, so it'd be less for me wanting it, but more for others not having it. As of now, I think my optimal play is to hold on to my chips until around ~40, and then buy both vote steals at once, OR go all out for the super if someone has already bought an idol by that point, because I would be operating under the assumption that the frontrunner is already out of the running. Tribe Swap Shenanigans - This is a hell of a tribe swap. 5-2-1 is always a great spot to be in, I am already good within the 5 that I have so I don't have to worry about anything there, it should be relatively smooth sailing as far as getting to the merge. Mo/Jake are alright so far, neither particularly speak too much. Kevin has not reached out at all, probably will try to talk to him tonight for general purposes, even if he seems like he'd be an easy one to get out first should we go to tribal the next time. But generally I really don't plan on losing so it's kind of a wash. I'll take the smooth sailing, easy path to merge. Premerge is never as relevant as merge is when it comes to FTC as long as you have something to show for yourself at the merge. I've got all game to make my presence known, and I plan on using the entirety of the game to do so.

I feel super anxious today because even though I had a great conversation and built a good connection to Joey, there hasn't been any talk about the vote quite yet. I mean obviously names have rolled out but nothing solid is out there still, I think I just need to let go of the urgency for a name to start being spread early on and just let things be. Stephanie and I have been chatting a bit here and there today so I feel more comfortable with her and hopefully she sees things from a similar perspective as everyone else - the Bellagio foursome needs to get broken up right now. As long as it's not my name of course!!!!! Plz vote Ben @everyone. Or Kailyn tbh save me a little bit of trouble now. Talking to Xavier is SO HARD LMAO. He doesn't immediately contribute information into a conversation and as bad as I wanna get rid of Ben, I almost..almost think going for Xavier is the smarter move, since Xavier doesn't seem too motivated to actually get to know ME and work with me. I'm selfish that way. Kailyn doesn't seem like she wants to do Ben which is a little frustrating but I totally get it, if Ben stays he's going to go after her hardcore but like she needs to actually pitch me an alternative lmfao. I don't wanna go bending over backwards just to appease her right now so if she doesn't gimme a name.. sorry sis but then I think it's gonna be Joey's call on this one :/

I am being very cautious now. The 4 of us (me, John, Joey and Steph) are going to vote together. Now Jaiden wants to vote Nik. And Kailyn wants to vote Ben. Why can't we just agree on one?! And it always has to go down to the wire. Stick together, people!

I think I am possibly leading the charge against Nik rn?? Joey told me he wanted Ben and then I told him I wanted Nik and now he wants Nik LOL take that Stephen

Okay well I have no idea what's going to happen tonight, but I'm going into tribal not afraid of the vote I am probably going to have to make ... I think the best move is to just vote for Nik and be done with it, but it's going to cause a serious rift in a lot of my relationships if I do so. I've been super wishy-washy to a lot of people I think and right now it doesn't make sense to continuously do one thing when I mean another.. especially since there seems to be zero ground to move upon when it comes to getting the vote to turn from Nik to Ben. Nik doesn't even SEEM ACTIVE?? Why are we making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Ben can't just walk around deciding what's going on and I think Kailyn would prefer to keep Nik around rather than Ben but it's like... so push for Ben to be the target hun! She's feeding into someone else's move no matter what she does, it's either Ben's agenda or John's agenda. Pick a side, but pick the side I'm on, too. Why don't we just vote for Kailyn tbh. lmao

0 notes

theliberaltony · 4 years

Link

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Welcome to FiveThirtyEight’s weekly politics chat. The transcript below has been lightly edited.

sarahf (Sarah Frostenson, politics editor): Over the weekend, an ABC/Washington Post poll found that most Democrats now back former Vice President Joe Biden, but enthusiasm for his candidacy was, on the other hand, pretty lackluster.

Just 24 percent of his supporters said they were “very” enthusiastic about supporting him. This marked the lowest level of enthusiasm for a Democratic presidential candidate that ABC/Washington Post has found in the last 20 years. And perhaps even more troubling for Biden was that nearly twice as many of President Trump’s supporters (53 percent) said they were “very” enthusiastic about his candidacy.

This, of course, has sparked comparisons to 2016 when former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton found herself in a similar situation — running neck-and-neck with Trump and with only 32 percent saying they were “very” enthusiastic about supporting her in September 2016. Biden, of course, is already 8 points below that mark now.

So does Biden have an enthusiasm problem? What’s the case for why he might and the case for why we shouldn’t read too much into this now?

nrakich (Nathaniel Rakich, elections analyst): I don’t think this is something Biden should worry about, at least not right now. We’ve just come off a knock-down, drag-out, 15-month-long primary fight. And some would argue it’s still going on, with Sen. Bernie Sanders still contesting the nomination!

It’s a lot to ask for the party to be totally united at this early juncture. I’d guess that, by September, Biden will have as good or better enthusiasm numbers as Clinton did in September 2016.

natesilver (Nate Silver, editor in chief): It feels so quaint to be debating a horse-race question in the middle of a pandemic.

But basically: I don’t think enthusiasm is a terribly meaningful indicator above and beyond what is already reflected in polls.

Sanders’s voters were more enthusiastic than Biden’s in the primaries. But he’s actually tended to underperform his polls. Sometimes higher enthusiasm means you have a narrower base, and the other candidate has more room to turn out undecideds, etc.

An important qualification to all of this is that most of the polls so far are conducted among registered voters when really we want to see likely voter polls, which won’t really be reliable for another several months.

nrakich: Yeah, Biden leads in most general election national polls right now, but likely-voter polls tend to be a few points better for Republicans than registered-voter polls, and as Nate says, we don’t have a ton of these polls right now.

perry (Perry Bacon Jr., senior writer): It’s hard to say much about enthusiasm right now since we are still in the midst of the Demcoratic primary ending. For instance, I think enthusiasm around him could still grow, especially after Barack and Michelle Obama have enthusiastically endorsed him, Sanders is behind him, and he has picked a running mate who perhaps excites the party.

sarahf: That’s fair, but how do we reconcile that Trump’s very enthusiastic support is so much higher than Biden’s — 29 points?

perry: Trump is the Republican Party’s candidate, and he just won his primary with overwhelming support. The party is unified behind him. People have voted for him once. I’m not surprised his supporters are fairly enthusiastic about him.

natesilver: I don’t care how much higher a quality is that doesn’t matter.

But honestly, I think this discussion is premature in some ways. The general election campaign hasn’t begun. The primary campaign is in a zombie-like state between being sort of finished and sort of not.

We’re in the midst of a pandemic. And we don’t have very many likely-voter polls, and to the extent we do, they’re not liable to be very reliable anyway at this early stage.

Perhaps most importantly, Democrats can be very enthusiastic about beating Trump even if they’re not that enthusiastic about Biden.

perry: Right, that’s the most important thing.

nrakich: Yeah, I find it hard to get worked up by any general-election polling at this point. We’re still so early in this massive news story that could significantly help or hurt Trump.

sarahf: But is it a bad sign for Biden — and enthusiasm for his campaign — that 15 percent of Sanders supporters in the ABC poll say they’ll vote for Trump?

natesilver: Twelve percent of Sanders primary voters voted for Trump in 2016, and another 14 percent voted for a third-party candidate or didn’t vote. So those numbers are in line with four years ago. And there are fewer Sanders voters than there were four years ago, so if anything those numbers are better for Biden than they were for Clinton.

nrakich: Yeah, historically, that would be a totally normal number. In addition to the numbers Nate cites for 2016, another study found that 25 percent of Clinton voters voted for McCain over Obama in 2008.

So it’s not like this is something past presidential candidates haven’t had to overcome as well. It can make a difference in a close election, but bigger factors (e.g., the national environment, the economy) will probably determine the outcome in the end.

sarahf: OK. So what I’m hearing is that the idea that Biden has a real enthusiasm gap is — at least at this point — overrated! But isn’t it at least somewhat worrisome that there now appears to be an effort to draft New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo for president?

natesilver: Ohhhhh Sarah, this is such trollbait.

nrakich: Let’s be clear — that “ooh, Andrew Cuomo should run for president!” talk is utterly nonsensical, non-serious and half-baked.

sarahf: It is! I’m not defending it. But look at what happened when that talk took off last fall. Former New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg and former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick both entered the race as opposed to throwing their support behind someone else.

natesilver: People don’t understand the process. People think you can magically wave a magic wand and that Cuomo becomes the nominee.

Look, if Biden drops out for some reason (health, scandal, etc.), then, obviously, you’ll need a different nominee.

And I do think Cuomo might be the second-most likely nominee, after Biden.

If you need an emergency replacement nominee because Biden drops out, he’s fairly compatible with Biden ideologically.

And frankly, the “emergency replacement” scenario — while unlikely — is still probably more likely than “Bernie wins all remaining contests by 20 points and wins a pledged-delegate plurality” scenario.

nrakich: I do wonder to what extent people actually believe/want Cuomo to be the nominee, and how much is just a fun daydream.

perry: I live in Kentucky. People are suddenly talking very positively about our Gov. Andy Beshear, who is a Democrat. This is in part because Trump is doing press conferences in which he ignores the evidence and seems as interested in defending himself as he is in addressing the issues. So Cuomo comes off well in comparison, as do other governors, like Ohio’s Mike DeWine, a Republican.

It also helps that Cuomo is doing a lot of media and lives in the media capital of the United States. Plenty of governors would be getting buzz if they were doing a competent job and were based in NYC, for example, Gavin Newsom (California), Jay Inslee (Washington), Beshear, DeWine.

nrakich: I think the Cuomo thing — both talk of him becoming the nominee and his role as a leader on the coronavirus in general — has been overinflated by the New York-centric media.

perry: Also, Biden has not been super-impressive in his media appearances, so there is that.

Cuomo has been better on that front, as have other governors.

sarahf: But Biden has been kind of missing from the coronavirus response, right? Part of that is because, as you all point out, he’s not a current governor tasked with spearheading preventive measures in his state, but it does seem as if it’s harder for him to have a natural place in the conversation.

natesilver: I don’t think anything Biden’s doing right now matters very much.

He’s also done more than the media has generally acknowledged.

perry: I think Biden is in the conversation. But his general ideas (Trump should listen to the medical experts, social distancing should continue) are what basically the media, governors, experts, everyone else is saying. Biden is not trying to stand out in that conversation or be interesting, which I think is normatively good. He is not offering weird ideas to stand out.

natesilver: The narrative is dumb. It’s always dumb at this stage of the campaign, when the primary winner has in all probability been decided but it’s not technically over yet. It would be a lot worse if not for coronavirus since the media would have a lot more news cycles to fill with fake drama.

nrakich: Yeah, Sarah, Biden hasn’t been as much of a presence on our TV sets, but I don’t think that’s his fault, as Nate pointed out. I think cable news just hasn’t been giving him a lot of airtime. The other day, major networks decided to air Cuomo’s briefing on the coronavirus instead of Biden’s speech.

But what Biden has to say on the coronavirus is more relevant to a majority of the country.

natesilver: It shouldn’t give him a lot of airtime!

Biden’s not hugely relevant at the moment.

nrakich: I think they should give him more than Cuomo! Biden might be president at this time next year. Cuomo governs just 6 percent of the country.

natesilver: Cuomo is dealing with the realities on the ground in a way Biden isn’t. And New York has a lot more than 6 percent of coronavirus cases.

He’s also doing a pretty effective job of communicating about coronavirus data and where the state and the country is in combating the epidemic.

I don’t think he’d get as much press coverage if he hadn’t been doing a good job with the communication side of things. It’s earned media in the truest sense of the word.

sarahf: That’s fair. A lot of what’s happening now is outside of Biden’s control, and obviously, there’s a lot we can’t answer, but Americans still rate Trump really highly on the economy — 57 percent said they approve of how he’s handling it, which marked a new high for him in that same ABC/WaPo poll. What’s more, Trump led Biden on this metric, 50 to 42 percent. Couldn’t that pose a real problem for Biden moving forward, especially if it’s harder for him to be a part of the conversation now?

nrakich: I think this is Exhibit A for it being too early to say anything. It seems like the economy is going to be in real trouble. If unemployment hits 30 percent or the gross domestic product growth rate is -15 percent, I don’t think Americans will continue to approve of Trump’s handling of the economy.

natesilver: No, I don’t think anything about the polls right now tells us very much about what the situation is likely to look like in September, or November.

People haven’t been living with this for very long. A lot of the consequences haven’t happened yet. And after the consequences, there’s the opportunity for a rebound, or a second wave.

You just have to be patient. Right now, I spend a lot more time looking at, say, the number of new COVID-19 cases in Italy than at Trump’s approval rating. I’d argue that the former tells us more about his reelection odds than the latter, since it tells us something about the extent to which a coronavirus epidemic can slow down post-peak.

sarahf: I can’t help but think that part of the narrative is being set now, though, about Biden having an enthusiasm problem. Of course, it could be that enthusiasm for Biden doesn’t really matter because enthusiasm to elect anyone but Trump is a bigger motivating factor, but I do wonder how that plays out in the coming months. Even if the enthusiasm gap isn’t real, could the perception of one still hurt Biden?

natesilver: Just one troll question after another.

sarahf: I know! But I think people are thinking about this — and even if it’s premature now — I do wonder how it takes root, even when it shouldn’t.

nrakich: That’s interesting, Sarah. Yeah, I wouldn’t be surprised if cable news continually covers Biden with the implication that he is somehow inadequate or not up to the task of beating Trump. I don’t know if that could become a self-fulfilling prophecy or not.

natesilver: I think if anything people tend to overlearn the lessons of the most recent election. A lot of the templates that people applied from the 2016 primaries to the 2020 primaries led to completely wrong predictions, like vastly understating Biden’s chances.

The fact that Democrats are worried about an enthusiasm gap because of 2016 could easily help Biden because it will scare Democrats into voting.

nrakich: I certainly agree that people try way too hard to retrofit the lessons of the previous election. To many (especially those with an anti-Sanders agenda), Clinton lost because Sanders voters weren’t united around her. But can’t it just be enough that she lost because it was an extremely tight election and that happens sometimes?

perry: Biden could very well lose the general election. And he could lose in the same way that Clinton did — a center-left Democrat wins the primary on the strength of older voters, particularly older black voters, but then loses in the general, with Trump winning in key swing states even as he loses the national popular vote.

But Clinton almost won and Biden very much could win. I don’t think Biden has an enthusiasm “problem,” but having enthusiastic supporters who are donating a lot of money, volunteering and eventually turning out to vote in large numbers always helps. So getting as much of Sanders’s crowd on board as possible will be useful for Biden.

Do I think it would be better for Biden if polls showed people were excited to vote for him? Yes, because I do think there is the potential that “people are holding their nose and voting for Biden” becomes a narrative.

nrakich: I also think a lot of the problem is that no one media members or the Twitterati know personally is enthusiastic to vote for Biden. Which of course speaks to the bubbles they live in. But that can have real effects on the narrative, as Perry said.

perry: But it’s hard for me to look at these polls right now and say Biden has an actual enthusiasm problem — or really many problems at all.

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #A FiveThirtyEight Chat

1 note · View note

btsybrkr · 4 years

Text

2020 Vision: What To Expect From The Next Decade (By Someone Who Has No Idea, Obviously.)

Happy New Year, all!! I had planned to do a little run-down last week of everything that happened in the 2010s, but instead succumbed to the existential struggle that comes with the week that follows Christmas Day, in which your time becomes largely swallowed up by asking yourself ‘what day is it?’ and ‘at what point am I supposed to stop living on a diet of alcohol and Quality Street?’. It’s festive purgatory, and you’re literally powerless to do anything other than sleep, eat, and moan that the shops are still playing Christmas music. That’s my excuse, anyway.

So, instead, I thought we’d say a collective “cinnabit, lad” to 2019 and a collective “what is UP, dude?” to the Roaring 20s 2.0, the only sequel that humanity has waited a whole 100 years for. Apart from Avatar 2, which I imagine will come out at some point in the 3020s. What do we know so far about what the 2020s have in store for us? Obviously, not a lot, but as someone who successfully predicted the outcome of the last election, and the UK’s last four Eurovision losses - two things which I’m sure absolutely nobody ever saw coming - I thought I’d give out my own valuable speculation. Here’s what the 2020s might look like, according to me.

Politics

Let’s get it out of the way - we’re in a terrible state. At this point, every important issue is so divisive, that the nation is divided over everything, including whether we’re actually divided or not. Do I think we’ll become any less divided in the coming years, in a United Kingdom where the conversation is so often dominated by things we can absolutely never seem to agree on? Yes. We will have no choice. Why?

All-out war.

Yes, I said it. In 2021, there will be all-out war. With America, probably. I don’t know why. Maybe Trump will get into an argument with Boris Johnson over who can manage to effortlessly look the most like a Viz caricature of themselves - they both already do somehow, I’m just saying they might disagree on which one of them is the best at it. Could be that, or possibly a more serious cause, to do with nuclear weapons or something, but I’d rather not think about that, because it’s not as funny as the Viz thing. And it’s more likely. So, we’ll pretend for now that we’re on the verge of the first pantomime, slapstick war the world has ever seen.

Anyway, while Trump and Johnson are beefing up a storm - picture Punch and Judy, except the puppets are in suits and have thinning, bright yellow hair - previously all-encompassing issues like Brexit will fall by the wayside, until Boris Johnson eventually decides to hand his notice in to focus on more important things, like beating Trump with a wooden spoon and chasing after the dog that stole all his sausages. After this, we’ll all come together to realise that if actual elected officials can’t do the job, then maybe we, the people, deserve our chance to test our political metal. Obviously, we can’t let just anybody have a go, but at the end of the year, Cosmopolitan magazine puts the traditional democratic process at number one on its ‘Leave It In 2021’ list, so we have absolutely no choice but to come up with something else, which brings me to...

Television And Film

2022 will start with a bang, with the debut of Simon Cowell’s new talent show format, So You Think You Can Be The Prime Minister?, hosted of course by Ant and Dec, with the aftershow on ITV2 being hosted by Jeremy Paxman. Contestants will line up in huge crowds to give judges Russell Brand, Susanna Reid, and, of course, Jesus S. Cowell himself (forgot to mention, Simon Cowell has been elected as the new Christ in this completely non-hypothetical universe, alright?) their opinions on hot political topics such as Brexit, the NHS, and, of course, whether a Jaffa Cake can really be classed as a biscuit or not. Each episode, contestants will take part in a live debate, themed around a different issue with every passing week. The two least popular contestants after the weekly phone vote will go head-to-head giving their own rendition of Running The World by Jarvis Cocker, with the worst performer being eliminated. I know a sing-off isn’t exactly relevant in a politics programme, but it’s Saturday night primetime so it’s still got to be at least somewhat entertaining, yeah?

Love Island will be back, of course - and not just with a Summer and Winter edition, but with an additional Spring and Autumn one for the 2024 schedule! This will be a win-win situation for the series producers, and for its viewers, as by 2027, ITV will run out of attractive under-35s to appear on the show, and members of the public will begin getting called up to appear - like with jury duty, except that ITV pay for you to have extensive cosmetic surgery first, so that you’re aesthetically pleasing enough for people to want to tune in, and so that you can maintain a successful career selling Bootea on Instagram afterwards.

Films will also go through a renaissance in the 2020s, as the Hollywood big boys come to a conclusion that everything has just become a little too… blockbuster. To remedy this, they make the joint decision that, 100 years on, we should take ourselves back to the silent film era, which will surely create hundreds of jobs for mute people, therefore solving Hollywood’s problems with a lack of diversity in film. It’ll also give well-known TikTok creators a chance to make the leap into mainstream entertainment, as they’ll have spent so long lip-synching over the years that they’ll now be more qualified to star in these new golden age pictures than actual trained actors. Obviously, that sounds absolutely beyond comprehension, but look at Count Orlok in 1922’s Nosferatu. See his slender limbs, blank stare, gothic dress sense - in a way, he’s the original e-boy, and there’s plenty of them out there on TikTok now that could play the titular vampire just as well in a 100th anniversary remake, just with less neck-biting and more lip-biting. Trust me, it’ll be a hit.

Technology

Throughout the 2010s, there’s been a lot of talk about everyone spending too much time on their bloody phones, so, in 2024, Apple will try to combat this issue when they unveil perhaps their most innovative product to date - the iPhone XZ+, a phone which exists solely in the mind of its users. Not in a Black Mirror, chip-inside-your-brain sort of way, either. It is literally imaginary. It’s a phone that, instead of being a phone, is actually just the concept of a phone. Yes, for the small cost of £1,500 and six units of your own soul, you, too, can block the rest of the world out. How amazing is that? No more wasting hours of your day keeping in touch with friends and family. No more accessing a wealth of information, wherever you are, with a quick Google. No more blocking out the sound of cackling pre-teens on the bus by putting in your earphones and listening to music. These things are bad and must be stopped, before we become an entire species of communicating, bopping, learning zombies.

I think those must be bad things anyway, since you can rarely go a few seconds scrolling through social media without stumbling across a ‘woke’ meme about how the use of smartphones is destroying us, one notification at a time - memes which I’m absolutely sure were created and posted from a book or a potato or something. Otherwise they’d just be hypocritical, wouldn’t they?

Anyway, the iPhone XZ+. It’s the only thing you need inside your head this decade. Apart from a very real ever-growing sense of fear and doom, which you can get for free.

Sport

The next decade will see the Olympics and Paralympics take place in 2020, 2024 and 2028, as well as the Winter equivalents to both in 2022 and 2026. You’d think we’d be all Olympic-ed out with that, but in the absence of anything else that gets people feeling remotely patriotic in a purely nice way, the world will decide to come together to throw scaled-down, low-budget Olympic games in all the off-years this decade.

Summer 2021 will see the start of the first ever Not-The-Actual-Olympics. Marked by a glamourous opening ceremony in a field in Loughborough, the opening will feature a series of performances from stars such as H from Steps, and will be attended by some people who aren’t the royal family, but really do look like them. Taking place over the 10-week long games will be thumb wars, arm wrestling, staring contests, and an exciting event in which competitors try to eat the most HobNobs they possibly can without the help of a glass of water to combat the extreme dry-mouth they end up with. It might sound underwhelming now, but if there turns out to be any truth in the other predictions I’ve made here, it might be just what you need to restore your faith in the everyday.

Happy New Year, Everyone

In all seriousness - not that the rest of this isn’t serious, because it is, and is definitely all going to happen - whatever the coming years bring, it’s important to remember that we have to take the good with the bad, to look after ourselves and each other, and to enjoy each day as much as we possibly can, even during the bits of life that leave us feeling a little less Gangnam Style than we did way back in 2012. Thanks, everyone, for reading my blog. I’ll be back again in a week or so to talk absolute arse about something else. Until then, I hope you all had a great 2019, and have an even better start to 2020. Cheers!

2 notes · View notes

lhs3020b · 4 years

Text

Some notes on recent polling developments (long, fairly depressing)...

The YouGov MRP figures came out last night. This is notable because in 2017, the multilevel-regression approach was the sole one that spotted the possibility of a hung parliament. We all ridiculed it at the time - I'll confess that I side-eyed it too. And then - well, we all know what happened to Theresa May, don't we? So, the MRP thing deserves to be taken seriously. And unfortunately, this year, it's looking grim for us. Briefly, the MRP is forecasting a Tory majority. They're also predicting that all opposition parties (bar the SNP, who only stand in Scotland) will lose seats. Labour in particular look in the danger-zone for a collapse, and contrary to their bullish predictions, the Liberal Democrats are also forecast to lose seats. (Note that this is with respect to their current strength - technically, the MRP result gives them a gain of 2 seats on where they were on the 9th of June. They currently have 19, due to defections from various other parties.)

I'll admit that I don't want to believe the MRP results, but this has never been a data-denialist blog, and I don't intend to start on that road today.

One caveat is that the reporting on the MRP results has ben remarkably-bad. The actual YouGov page is here: https://yougov.co.uk/topics/politics/articles-reports/2019/11/27/yougov-mrp-conservatives-359-labour-211-snp-43-ld- Buried a long way down the page, they say this: "Taking into account the margins of error, our model puts the number of Conservative seats at between 328 and 385, meaning that while we can be confident that the Conservatives would currently get a majority, it could range from a modest one to a landslide." As far as I can tell, the "majority of 68" figure is derived by treating 317 as a working majority and assuming that the Tory vote lands right at the upper end of their confidence-interval. This is poor statistical practice for a variety of reasons. It's also a bit questionable in terms of parliamentary arithmetic - the "working majority" thing depends on how many Sinn Fein MPs Northern Ireland elects (they don't take their seats, so count toward neither Government nor Opposition tallies). And we won't necessarily know how many that is until, well, December the 13th.

(Also, a further health-warning is that apparently the model isn't able to fully-represent some local phenomena, such as independent candidates, and the effect of the Brexit Party's partial stand-down is also apparently somewhat-unclear. The last caveat is that the analysis assumes data that has already been collected - that is, if public opinion changes between now and polling day, then obviously existing projections could become obsolete. This will still be a possible source of error even if the MRP sample is statistically-unbiased and the underlying theory/analysis is all sound.)

However, even the best-case scenario for us gives the Tories 328 seats, which is both a working and a (very small) absolute majority.

Obviously, this is not a good situation for us.

While not quite a landslide, nonetheless an inflated Tory majority will be devastating for this country. The stuff they'll do will be awful. Brexit will happen. There'll be a bus crash late next year, when the transition period ends. (No, they will have no plan for this - they won't feel they need one, as they'll be secure in power until 2024.) There'll be a Windrush for resident EU citizens. They'll trash the economy. They'll probably crash the NHS - the only question there is whether they do it through accidental negligence or through deliberate malice (say, an ideologically-driven trade "deal" that gives President Trump everything he wants on a silver platter). Nothing will be done about the country’s escalating housing crisis. They'll double down on all the maddest of the madcap "law-n-order" stuff - expect an explosion in jailable offences, accompanied by lengthy minimum-sentence tariffs and further restrictions on legal aid. They'll also resuscitate their plans to manipulate the parliamentary boundaries, and change electoral laws in their favour. The media? Expect no surprises from them. The newspapers are largely already Conservative Pravdas. The BBC - nervous about its precious Royal Charter - seems to be in the process of declaring itself for the Tories too.

Bluntly, if the Tories get re-elected this year, they'll gerrymander things so you have little chance of getting rid of them in 2024.

Perhaps this is the key thing to understand about Boris Johnson: really, he's less Britain's Trump, and more Britain's Victor Orban. He'll leave just enough vestigial democracy intact to make what he's doing plausibly-deniable, but he'll busily rearrange the furniture to favour himself and his friends. If he gets re-elected this December, you can expect to be seeing his face into the 2030s. The only reason I put the cut-off as early as that is that I expect the coming climate-crisis will wreak havoc with the Tories' internal coalition. (Oh you've built all your luxury millionaire mansions by the seaside? How nice for you, especially now that the sea is literally in your parlour. Umm, whoops.)

What can be done? Well, the first thing is to reiterate some discussions I've seen on Twitter recently. The TL;DR of them is that hope doesn't have to be something you feel - it can be something you do. (And that's just as well, because I'll admit that 2019 has destroyed what traces of social optimism I was clinging to. I'm dreading the bad end that's coming to us next month, but I also fully-expect it.)

So, my advice remains as it has been: on December the 12th, turn up, and vote for whoever you judge most likely to beat the Tory.

Remember, the MRP approach is fallible. "Mortal, finite, temporary" is absolutely in play here; no model is any better than the data that went into it. Or, indeed, the date when it was calculated. And at the end of the day, the only poll that genuinely-matters is the one on December the 12th, and that hasn't actually happened yet. (Though admittedly, given the storm-surge of pre-emptive grief that's flooding Twitter today, you could be forgiven for thinking otherwise.)

As for the horrible mess that are our opposition parties, I'll repeat what I said in 2017: it's OK to vote for a least-worst option. You're not perjuring yourself or committing any moral sin, rather you're trying to be a grown-up. Part of the package of being an adult is making the best of bad situations.

It absolutely does suck - believe me, this is one of the most soul-destroying election campaigns I've ever seen. Every single party has clown-show'd itself. All of them have done things that are ridiculous, inept or otherwise ghastly. (Well, maybe not the Greens - I haven't heard of any specific scandals surrounding them - but their cardinal sin is that they have no plausible prospect of winning the election.) But even then, the barrel we're going to have to stare down is going and voting for them anyway.

(As a related case-in-point, one factor that seems to have helped the Tories win their unexpected 2015 majority was that a contingent of left-wing voters simply stayed at home on the day. While it's hard to find concrete statistics on, nonetheless anecdotally, this absolutely was a thing. A lot of people were demotivated by Labour's confused and incoherent campaign, left cold by all the bothering about fiscal rules, and alienated by things like the mug with "controls on immigration" on it. All of those are 100% valid criticisms. Except, except, except ... it helped an even worse party back into office. The theory of "if the choices are bad, sit it out" has been tested to destruction. It turns out that looking the other way is also a choice, and not necessarily the best one.)

I would add that there are also real questions to be asked about the utter vacuum of political strategy of people nominally on the anti-Tory side - it seems the Opposition spent the summer fixated on the minutiae of House procedures, while never stopping to ask why they were on this battlefield to begin with. Meanwhile the Tories largely-ignored Commons process, and instead sent a political appeal straight to Leave voters. It lost them a lot of individual legislative battles (and I'm not minimising their defeats - they were important!), but it put them in a good strategic place to win an election. And in the long run, it turns out that was what mattered.

It's hard not to feel bitter while thinking about the events of spring and summer. Perhaps if Jo Swinson had been less blinkered about Jeremy Corbyn, perhaps if Labour could have had the minimum sense to call a Vote of No Confidence when BoJo was vulnerable, perhaps if the collective Opposition had been able to recognise the huge wave of unharnessed political energy washing through the country during the petition back in March, perhaps if Change UK had managed to be something other than an unfunny joke, maybe if Corbyn had taken the anti-semitism problem seriously in 2018 and had actually done something instead of sitting on his hands and letting it metastasize to the point where it derailed his election campaign ... but, no. That's for some other, better timeline, not the one we live in. We seem to live in the world that resolutely and firmly chooses the wrong fork in every road. I don't know whether our timeline quite qualifies as the Bad Place, but it's certainly a place full of bad choices.

In a weird sort of way, though, this brings us back to the key theme. Whatever you might think of what's happening in this election - and goodness knows I'm as appalled as anyone else - nonetheless, your vote matters. Use it. As we're seeing, this is the ultimate limitation on their power, and the one chance we have of stopping them.

So once more, let me reiterate: turn up. Vote against the Tory. Do it as a hopeful action, even if you don't feel hopeful. If nothing else, do it so that when the bad things happen, at least you can say you tried to stop it. I wish I had something less bleak to offer here, but this is where we are.

#UK internal politics #diary of a disaster #needed to get that wail of despair out of my system really #still feeling quite despairing though

2 notes · View notes

relationshipsandpolitics · 4 years

Text

How I Alienated My Potential Readers Part #2

And we’re back. Here’s how we are looking after Part 1:

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Corey Booker, Bernie Sanders, Julian Castro, Beto O’ Rourke, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, John Delaney, Pete Buttigieg

Well, some things have changed so we can just go ahead and remove Beto, which is a shame because I had a good rant about him sucking. Alas, my genius will have to wait.

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Corey Booker, Bernie Sanders, Julian Castro, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, John Delaney, Pete Buttigieg

I debated where to put climate change in this breakdown. For me, climate change is issue #1b for me. If a candidate denied it, that would be an automatic disqualifier. It should be for every voter. But I am surprised about how we all agree this is a dire issue that needs to be dealt with immediately, but the only candidate who made it their chief issue, Governor Jim Inslee, got virtually no support and was one of the first to drop out. We really talk out of both sides of our mouth on climate change. We all agree it is going to kill us, but we don’t seem to prioritize it, do we? I have some thoughts about that, but I digress.

The good news is all remaining candidates agree climate change is happening and that we need to act. The bad news is many of the candidates do not appear willing to take those drastic steps needed to stave off the worst outcomes. This is a problem. Even the remaining candidates who are best on this issue leave a lot to be desire. As it stands, I’m not removing anyone because no one is Republican levels of awful on the issue, but also no one meets the bar that needs to be set on genuine change. But seriously, we are all awful on this issue, me included. We need to be taking steps in out personal lives to cut back on carbon emissions, and we need to be willing to pay more to save our planet. The truth is if the leading scientific minds announced that to save our planet, we needed to raise taxes by 2% on everyone, we’d instead spend double that to buy front row seats to the end of the world. We as a people truly suck.

Now let’s finally get into the issues that differentiate the candidates. This is really the whole game for me. Because there are certain issues I care about tremendously, issues that I feel we need to address if this country is going to survive or if we will slip fully into the oligarchy we seem destined towards. I’m talking about corporate power and workers’ rights. Look, we all know the stats. Income inequality is worse now than at any time since the Gilded Age. That preceded the Great Depression. Billionaires and corporations hold more power than the bottom 95% of the population combined. They can write a measly $5,000 check and get face time with the most powerful politicians in the country, and another $5,000 check gets them their full support. I know this because part of my job is to write those checks. I don’t try to get into too much about what I do, but suffice it say I work within politics very much behind the scenes. I don’t like what I do, even if I believe in the interests I advocate for. People like me should not exist, but our corrupt political system not only enables me, but empowers me.

We all want a candidate we can trust to act in the average American’s best interest. But we so willingly elect people who knowingly fuck us over in favor of the rich and corporate interests that it’s a wonder they even bother going through the motions trying to appease us. And what have we got for it? Unions have been decimated as lawmakers pass corporate-sponsored Right to Work laws. Wages have stagnated while wealth for the top 1% has skyrocketed. Americans are more productive than ever but seeing a smaller share of that productivity. Compared to all other industrialized nations, we offer no guaranteed paid vacation, family leave, or health care. This is despite being the richest nation in the world. College is a necessity to obtain a well-paying job, yet it costs hundreds of thousands of dollars to obtain, meaning anyone graduating with loans will be paying them off until they retire. Or die.

These developments are not a coincidence. They are the results of deliberate efforts by monied interests. Next, they will come after Social Security and Medicare, claiming we need to reign in the deficit. And both Republicans and Democrats will heed their call, and we will buy their sudden concern about deficits. They’ll vote to raise the retirement age and cut benefits, we’ll get mad, and then re-elect them anyway.

How does this rant relate to the upcoming 2020 elections? It relates because the next decade will mark the point of no return, in my estimation. Either this country will wake up to getting screwed and finally vote to do something about it, or it will cement its acceptance of the status quo. Our descent into oligarchy has been relatively gradual because even the Democratic administrations have done little to stem the tide. They’ve just slowed it down by promoting policies benefiting the rich while throwing tokens of support to the working class, which is everybody else. They bump up the income tax rates slightly while ignoring the ways the rich really make their money. They threaten anti-trust lawsuits but never follow through. They bail out the banks and refuse to prosecute the heads of those banks. Then they appoint them to run the Treasury Department. Republicans do these same things; they are just more brazen about it. Whereas Democrats will announce tighter regulations on businesses but include weak enforcement and huge loopholes, Republicans simply get rid of the regulations. Republicans cut the taxes of the rich, Democrats keep them at the status quo.

The next president has a unique opportunity to finally right the wrongs of decades of neo-liberal fiscal policy. They can bring the country in line with the rest of the democratic world by pushing policies that help the poor, working and middle classes. Young parents would be able to afford to have a child. College graduates would be able to afford to buy home and have a crazy thing called disposable income because their college debt was wiped out and college itself became affordable. People would stop fucking dying because they don’t have health care. Seriously, on this last point, what in the ever-loving fuck is wrong with people for not being willing to raise their taxes to fund universal health care?

We need to begin assessing potential candidates by what they want to accomplish to fix this issue. And we can best determine if they will remain mired in the status quo of empty gestures and corporate checks, or if they will fight for us, by their words and actions. With that in mind, I’m going to base my choice on whether the remaining candidates can be expected to support the fundamental restructuring of government and wealth equality. I think you all know where I’m going with this one.

Corey Booker, Kamala Harris, Amy Klobuchar, John Delaney – The Technocratic Legislators

Here you have some good moderate Democratic legislators. Booker, Harris and Klobuchar are sitting U.S. Senators while Delaney is a former Representative. I don’t really have an issue with any of them, save maybe Delaney. They all are effective legislators, even if they may be more moderate than I’d like. I particularly like Booker and Harris as people if not politicians. But at the end of the day, I can’t really rely on them to push the things that need to be front and center. I don’t exactly know what their broad policy even is. Sure, they will come out with a good sound bite or a good proposal on some smaller but still important issue. Booker is doing great things on tackling issues facing inner city youths. Harris is good on gun reform. But Booker is way too closely tied with Big Pharma. Harris has an awful record on criminal justice and did nothing to help homeowners defrauded during the housing crisis.

They both illustrate a major concern we should all share. When you have a record of being too cozy with some terrible industries, it shows that the voters can’t truly trust you to have their back. Campaign contributions are par for the course. You need them to win elections. But when you take a disproportionate amount of money from very specific industries, it means you are probably bought by them. Don’t be surprised if Booker nominates a Pharmaceutical lobbyist to head up CMS. And when private equity managers donate to Harris, as Blackstone’s Tia Breakley did in March, 2019, they are doing so because there is a reasonable belief that Harris and others won’t come after them.

Again, I think Harris and Booker are good people and good legislators. And the critique about money is not limited to them, as I plan on thoroughly ripping into Buttigieg and Biden on it. But when you take these facts along with the truth that neither candidate is pushing the sort of structural reforms needed in this country, I think it’s fair to say their presidencies would be rather unremarkable.

Amy Klobuchar and Jon Delaney share the money problem, but they have so much more going for them! Klobuchar treats her staff like absolute shit, which only matters when you remember that we are relying on her to protect all low-level workers. She clearly has contempt for people beneath her on the career ladder, and a wise woman once said “when a person shows you who they are, believe them.”

Klobuchar and Delaney have spent their entire campaign advocating not for what they believe, but for trashing other candidates who dare to dream. Klobuchar and Delaney come from the school of Democratic politicians who believe things are too hard to try, and we might lose Republican voters by trying to be Democrats. The Klobuchar’s and Delaney’s of the world would be happy to adopt every major Republican fiscal position if it meant they got to be President. Also, Delaney is the moron who thought it was a good idea to trash Medicare for All at the California Democratic convention.

I would vote for Harris and Booker and not feel bad about it. I’d feel weird about voting for Klobuchar, and Delaney has as much chance of the nomination as Scott Baio. They are out.

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders, Julian Castro, Pete Buttigieg

We’re going to go after the young guns now. The candidates we all secretly wish were just a bit better so that we didn’t have to choose from three candidates in their 70’s. But these candidates are ultimately empty shells of better candidates who seem too concerned with appearing like the rational voice in the room to have a vision for our country.

Let’s start with Mayor Pete Buttigieg. I was talking with my mother about who she was going to support in the primary. Let me be clear that I did not initiate this conversation. I’d literally rather talk to my mother about our respective sex lives than politics. But my mother has a bit of a control issue, and this blog was cheaper than therapy.

Anyway, my mother said she was supporting either Biden (shocking, I know) or Buttigieg. She said she liked that he was young, and it was great he was gay. I asked my mom what positions of his did she support, and she couldn’t really name any except that he didn’t support Medicare for All. This was a selling point for her. See, my mother represents a huge segment of the Democratic base that is upper middle class, socially liberal (except Kaepernick should’ve stood) and fiscally moderate (aka conservative but they swear they have homeless friends). What this really means is they are Democrats when it doesn’t hurt them to be. They think what’s going on at the border is abhorrent, but they know someone who was mugged by an “illegal” and we need a wall. And they support the idea of everyone having health insurance, but no way will that mean they have to pay more in taxes. They agree housing is too expensive, but then they’ll oppose affordable housing development in their neighborhoods because they attract a “bad element.” For these people, Buttigieg is the ideal candidate. They get to keep their money and nice gated communities, but because he is gay they can call themselves progressive. Plus, we know Buttigieg won’t do anything monstrous like keeping refugees locked up or denying basic rights to LGTBQ people, so how could anyone not support him?

Well, let me be the first to say that Pete Buttigieg is awful. First, keep in mind this guy is the Mayor of South Bend. That’s less a city and more a place for Notre Dame fanboys to “romance” the gold helmets in a sleazy motel. He won his last election with 8,500 votes. And he still managed to piss off a sizable number of his constituents by botching police relations with the black community. And now people think he can run a country. But he’s taken seriously because he raised a boatload of money and the pundits (also rich white people generally) like him. Never mind where that money is coming from and what favors he now owes to those people, right?

Mayor Pete came out for Medicare for All but decided when it was political opportune to trash it using Republican talking points. His actual healthcare plan is truly awful. Pete Buttigieg is the darling candidate for voters who don’t want anything to change, like my mother. They have good health insurance. They own their house and see it as an asset, not a noose. They don’t have any student debt, mainly because they attended college when it cost the equivalent of an iPhone. Buttigieg is a technocrat with a nice haircut. He is a lot like Obama, minus the everything. But his message is one of comfort to the people who own vacation homes in upstate New York and tie rainbow bandannas around their dog’s neck for Pride Week. Under a Buttigieg administration, civility will return and nothing else will change. If the biggest criticism of Sanders and Warren is they have pie-in-the-sky ideas, then Buttigieg’s biggest critique is he has no ideas. It’s just sad how little that matters to the people who will decide this election.

Julian Castro: you’re next. Here’s someone I kind of like. He is great on housing, one of the core issues keeping Americans from feeling secure. I live in an area once considered cheap for housing. But that’s changing. They keep building and building but rents still shoot higher and higher. Sometimes I feel the laws of supply and demand don’t work with housing. I mean, it works when there is low supply and high demand like in Los Angeles and San Francisco. But where I live, there is plenty of supply, yet rents are increasing as much as 10% year over year. Likely this is because demand is still high to live near an urban center. It doesn’t matter if there are tons of vacant units. Renters are willing to pay the cost and don’t do a good job shopping around. Also, as rents continue to soar while jobs continue to navigate towards major cities and people continue to need to live near those jobs, our commutes will get longer and longer. This means more cars on the road, more pollution in the air. Solving the housing crisis means putting a huge dent in climate change. No one seems to understand the impact of not having affordable housing, but Castro comes fairly close. I think I would go for him if he wasn’t so milquetoast on every other issue. He gets completely lost in the shuffle. I think Castro supports Medicare for All? I mean, I do know where he stands because I follow this stuff closely, but it should be clear to the average voter. Castro is young, attractive and is relatively progressive compared to the field. But he isn’t charismatic. He doesn’t articulate his message clearly enough, and my big concern is whether he can create a narrative that gives his administration a chance to pass meaningful legislation. It’s not that I can’t get on board with Castro based on policy, but I just don’t think he has the chops to get it done. Castro’s other problem is he doesn’t speak to workers’ rights issues enough. He pays them lip service, and I’m sure he believes in increasing union membership and raising the minimum wage. I just can’t envision him fighting hard for those issues once in office. I, quite frankly, see him as another politician pushing incremental change on some areas and tackling the low hanging fruit issues of the Democratic base rather than swinging for the fences.

Joe Biden, Elizabeth Warren, Bernie Sanders

And then there were three. I think we all knew it was coming down to these three. Let’s not kid ourselves here. We know who is getting the next ax, but the bottom line is these are the three true contenders and until things change, they are the only horses in the race. So we will tackle them together in Part 3, which is hopefully coming soon.

#politics #2020 #bernie sanders #pete buttgieg #elizabeth warren #joe biden #kamala harris #corey booker #elections #2020 election #democrats #julian castro

2 notes · View notes

somethingusefulfromflorida · 3 years

Text

Grover Cleveland is the only president to be elected to two non-consecutive terms, and that was exceptional because he actually won the popular vote three times: he won in 1884, got screwed by the electoral college in 1888, then won again in 1892. Conversely, his successor/predecessor Benjamin Harrison was NOT popular, and only coasted into the office because his grandfather William Henry Harrison had briefly served in 1841 (shortest presidency in history, only 31 days).

For those of you wondering if the Gonad Lump is gonna try and run for another term in 2024, I don’t see him being more popular this time around. He lost the popular vote twice; George W. Bush is the only president to lose the popular vote and go on to be re-elected, in no small part because his approval rating skyrocketed to 90% after 9/11 and everyone thought the new Iraq war was justified at the time. History remembers him as the warmonger he was (though slightly more favorable in comparison to the Gonad Lump himself). If the Lump runs in 2024, he absolutely will not win the popular vote, though given how Republicans are trying to restrict voting rights, he very well could win the electoral college; he’d be the anti-Cleveland, losing the vote three times in a row.

His ego is torn; on the one hand he doesn’t want to run again because he doesn’t want to lose again, but on the other hand he can’t drop out of the race or else he’ll look like an even bigger loser for giving up. If he doesn’t run, he’ll have to pass the mantle of party leader to someone else, though let’s be honest, whatever stooge runs in his place will basically be running for him anyway. They’ll be running as his successor, framing themselves as a continuation of Trump’s term rather than a term of their own; he’d be president vicariously through them, they’d keep him on as an advisor or Secretary of State. But what Republicans are only just now starting to realize is that he’s a ball and chain weighing the party down; sure his base thinks he’s the most popular human being to ever live (ahead of Jesus and behind Ronald Reagan), but they only represent 30% of he country. He is SUPER unpopular overall, having lost them the House and the presidency and the Senate in quick succession; instead of cutting their losses and running someone new, they’re in denial and insist he actually won and the other side cheated, so they’re changing the rules going forward to give themselves an advantage (“the other side cheated, so we also have to cheat to beat them at their own game”)

It’s pathetic, but it works. What they’re doing is not technically illegal, because the constitution doesn’t actually say elections have to be free and fair. Elections don’t even have to exist; from the Revolution to the Civil War a handful of states never held presidential elections, instead leaving it up to the state legislatures to pick a winner and award electors themselves. Nowadays all 50 states hold elections and award electors based on the popular vote, but Oklahoma recently proposed going back to the old system; they’re very likely going to get rid of elections going forward because they can. That’s inexcusably anti-democratic, it’s morally reprehensible and wrong, but it’s not illegal, so there’s nothing we can do about it because the Supreme Court doesn’t care about morals. Just because something should be a law doesn’t make it a law; the system is FUCKED that way. The constitution technically says that the states may appoint electors however they see fit, so while getting rid of elections would be unpopular and despotic, the only way to stop them from doing so would be to pass a new amendment requiring all states to hold elections. That would require supermajorities in both houses of congress and then majority votes in three-fourths of all the state legislatures. We’re so politically polarized that I don’t think we’ll pass another amendment ever again.

The last real amendment was passed in 1971 (pre-Watergate), the 26th amendment, giving 18 year olds the right to vote; the 27th amendment was technically passed later in 1992, but it was written in 1789, intended to be the 11th amendment, but stuck in limbo because it was originally voted down. It wasn’t until 200 years later that a college student realized it was still a live amendment and could be passed if enough new states joined on (most amendments have clauses saying that if they’re voted down, then they fail, but this one was still technically in play); he wrote and encouraged state politicians to pass it just to see if it could be done. It isn’t even a controversial amendment, it says Congress can’t change their salaries in the middle of the term, they can only go into effect after the next elections.

So yeah. Electoral reform is probably doomed to fail because the Supreme Court will decide that the states can do whatever they want. It’s like how the electoral college is pointless and keeps letting losers win, but just because it’s bad doesn’t mean it’s “illegal.” It should be illegal, but barring an amendment we’re stuck with it. If the For The People Act passes and the 6-3 consecutive SCOTUS let’s it stand, states will one by one stop holding elections to get around it. You can’t reform an election is there’s no election to reform! Republicans will be taking a huge bet though, hoping that their constituents care more about winning than playing fair; it would be wildly unpopular to stop holding elections, but Republican voters would see nothing but the benefits, so they might accept it as a necessary evil, “for the greater good.” They don’t need to vote if their guy is guaranteed to win.

We need to overhaul the country, and if that means pissing off conservatives who are IN THE MINORITY then so be it (more Americans identify as democrats or left-leaning independents than Republicans or right-leaning ones). If that leads to a civil war, then so be it too! We can’t hold ourselves responsible for he behaviors of evil people; we can’t keep appeasing them, we can’t keep letting them threaten to tear the country apart if they don’t get what they want. Democrats don’t get what they want on a regular basis, and they have yet to tear the country apart (if you mention the George Floyd Protests, I need to remind you that the country is still in once piece), so Republicans need to learn to live with being powerless. If they throw a tantrum, it’s not our job to make them feel better. If an abuser threatens to do something drastic if you leave them, it’s not your job to stay. If someone is blackmailing you, you shouldn’t have to comply; they’re gonna be evil either way, you can’t control them, they’re trying to make you think it’s your fault when they do something wrong.

#Politics #Political #rant #reform #election reform #Vote reform #Voting reform #for the people #for the people act #law #amendment #congress #scotus #Grover Cleveland #gonad lump #2024 #elections

8 notes · View notes

welcometothepenumbra · 5 years

Text

JUNO STEEL AND THE PROMISED LAND (PART THREE)

SOUND: RAIN. TRAIN ARRIVES, CREAKS TO A STOP. DOOR CLANKS OPEN.

CONDUCTOR: Ah, good evening, Traveler. And welcome… to The Penumbra. Take your seat, please, take your seat.

MUSIC: STARTS.

SOUND: DOOR CLANKS SHUT.

The junction lies just ahead, Traveler. If you’ll allow me just a moment.

SOUND: TRAIN WHISTLE.

Well, next stop? I suppose that is the question, isn’t it.

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING.

Given the choice, dear Traveler, where would you go? Above stands a metropolis of corruption, below a promise of paradise. Above lies a place wracked by spasms of change and below, there is silence, and stillness. So if given the choice, dear Traveler, where would you go? Above to Hyperion City, or below, to the Free Dome. Our next stop:

SOUND: TRAIN BRAKES. DOOR CLANKS OPEN, RAIN.

Juno Steel and the Promised Land.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

***

JUNO (NARRATOR): Lightheaded and punch-drunk, with a gun in my back and some bad… ugh, bad, really, just terrible, awful breath on my neck…

PIRANHA: Why don’t you step a little faster, P.I.? Somethin’ gives me the impression we’re runnin’ out of time, see?

JUNO (NARRATOR): It’s honestly hard not to wonder how the hell I got here. And I don’t even mean in this stupid tunnel leading to the Free Dome, I mean… in general. It’s just a hell of a time to decide you’re too pissed to die. Right before you’re probably gonna, uh, die.

And I’ve got a lot of excuses, sure. My mother, my brother, all that junk that happened in the HCPD with Diamond and Captain Hijikata, but if I’m being honest with myself, I’ve always been this way. From minute one.

My name’s Juno Steel. I’m a private eye. And y’know, I got in my first fight when I was three years old. It was with my brother. Benzaiten Steel. Benten for short. Ben if you’re in trouble and you need to get away quick. I don’t remember what it was about, even – which is I guess how things go with old, pointless arguments like this – a-a toy, or somethin’. It was before Andromeda, so it was probably one of the Turbos. Anyway, I socked him right in the eye. He teared up an-and looked at me, at the face so like his and so different, and he… socked me right back in the same eye.

Ben would never start anything like that. He was too happy. But he’d defend himself if I got outta line. Plus things always had to be fair with him, equal, balanced. An eye for an eye, I guess.

Mom must’ve pulled us apart soon after. Even in her good days she wouldn’t have been close enough to stop it before it started, but… she would’ve cared.

MUSIC: STARTS.

I might not remember the fight very well… but I remember Mom pulling us apart. T-taking a few hits herself. I-I remember her shaking us, until we stopped fighting and started crying. And I remember her forcing us to look at one another, and, I remember her shouting. She sounded scared. I didn’t like that.

SARAH: Stop it. Damn it, I told you two to stop it!

Just knock it off, you little morons. You want to get flattened, you go lie down in the road; you don’t do it to each other.

Oh, God damn it, don’t cry, not now, don’t—

(SIGHS, DEEP BREATH) Okay, okay. Benten. Juno. You can’t do this. You can’t fight. People… they’re nasty. They’ll chew you up and spit you out, if you aren’t— Don’t. Cry. That’s just the truth. Live with it!

Listen. If you want to live out there, you need someone to live for. You need someone else, so that when you’re not tough enough, they can be; so that right when you want to give up, you remember you can’t. Because you’ve got someone better than you to worry about.

And that’s what you are to me. I love you, my little monsters.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Did she see what was on the horizon, even then? See what person she was going to become?

MUSIC: CHANGES.

I hope so. God damn it, I hope so, and I hope she hated every second of it.

But she might’ve been right. How would I know? I’ve been chewing through people to fight for my whole life: Ma, Ben, Diamond… Nureyev. You burn through that many people and it gets harder and harder to fight off the idea that maybe they aren’t the reason you keep running out of people to fight for. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s me.

Because it’s always been about me, hasn’t it? Every case, every good deed… they’ve just been so I’d feel better.

Just fighting for myself.

Maybe it’s me.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

PEREYRA: Hey, deep space cadet. I’m talking to you.

JUNO: Huh?

PEREYRA: Isn’t anyone paying attention? I’m holding the most important find of the last two hundred years in my hands, and she’s on her radio, you’re in la-la land, and your friend is just… staring at me.

STRONG: Pretty sure that counts as paying attention.

PEREYRA: Well, stop it.

STRONG: Then what do you—

PEREYRA: Not that it matters. With a Dome in my hands, I can’t be touched. Not by radiation, by the elements, by anything. (CHUCKLES) And I gotta tell you, pals, that’s a hell of a feeling. Just imagine me riding in like this when I win the election! A force of nature! Invincible! (LAUGHS)

MUSIC: ENDS.

JUNO: You’re awful confident, given that we haven’t even seen that Dome, uh, do anything yet.

PEREYRA: Oh, I’m not worried about that, buddy. It’s just like Marshall D’Arc said: you’ve got to have faith.

STRONG: Testing chamber two… “The Test of Faith.”

PEREYRA: Just like that. (CHUCKLES)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Let me tell you, my faith was tested long before we ever stepped through that stupid door.

SOUND: DOOR OPENS, CLOSES.

How could it not be? I’d had a gun pointed at me for three days straight, my blood had just been sucked out and shot back in at record speed, and then, there was Pilot.

SOUND: LOW ELECTRIC HUM FADES IN.

I hated to admit it but there was something almost divine about them, holding that Dome. The sky projecting from that orb like they were shooting it from their hands; the bubble of plasma surrounding them; the strange light adding an unearthly, shifting sheen to their shiny lips, their contoured cheeks. Whether or not they were invincible, they definitely looked it.

The testing room was… less impressive. It looked like someone had left a football field and a chessboard alone with a bottle of liquor and waited for some mistakes to happen: a huge grid of tiles, so many it made my head hurt looking at the endless lines of them ahead.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): (CHEWING)

STRONG: Oh, goody. There he is again.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Hi, hey. (SWALLOWS) It’s, uh, it’s Marshall. D’Arc? Who else would it be.

Whatever. Alright. So, where the hell are y’all? What was the last one…?

I said I’d give you what?! The Dome sample? Are you kidding, D’Arc?!

STRONG: Does this feel… really weird to anybody else?

JUNO: Yeah, but they all have.

PEREYRA: It’s a distraction. Part of the test. Obviously.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Whatever. Whatever! You’ve got it now, I guess, so, uhhh… Test of Faith. Something to do with the Dome sample? Uh, let’s see, let’s see, let’s see… Recording’s ticking down, audio files you can’t write over… Jesus, Ma, what a joke!

Alright, fine. Test of Faith. You’ve got to do whatever I say exactly, right? That’s how you prove you can be faithful. That you’re gonna listen when I tell you to do something. That you’re not just gonna run out, Malvin. So here’s what I want you to do: walk straight. That’s it! Easy, right? Just hold the Dome, and walk straight, no matter what. You hear me? No matter what. And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll listen.

Uhh, Marshall out.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS. LOW ELECTRIC HUM CONTINUES.

PEREYRA: (CHUCKLES) Genius. It’s completely genius.

JUNO: It is?

PEREYRA: In order to demand faith, you have to create a lack of it. So far, D’Arc has been correct at every turn. If he just gave us direct orders, we’d have no reason to distrust him. So he makes himself sound unreliable. Genius.

STRONG: That… seems like kind of a leap, Mx. Pereyra. That’s really enough to get you to walk across there?

PEREYRA: If you want to be successful, only two things matter in this galaxy: luck, and who you know. I’ve got some of the former. And as for the latter… I have you. You’re coming with me.

JUNO: Oh, hell no. If you want one of us, Pilot, you take me. You might need her later.

STRONG: Juno…

PEREYRA: Need her for what? This is the last test. You’ve had your insides handled just as roughly as I have, P.I. You can barely stand up. I wouldn’t take you down the street.

JUNO: But—

STRONG: Stop it. I’m going.

JUNO: Alessandra—

STRONG: I’m the survival specialist. That’s why I’m here, isn’t it? Rely on me. Stop trying to do it all alone, and stick to where your edge is. My edge is out there. You do see yours. Don’t you?

PIRANHA: She means your eye.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I turned around and saw the Piranha staring at me, running the tip of her tongue on her thin, scarred lips. I hadn’t even thought she could hear us.

The thought of using the Theia… scared me, to be honest. With every update the Theia Spectrum could do more and more; make me see better and shoot faster and detect harder. Barely twenty minutes ago it had solved the Test of Charity for me – saved my life, probably. But it did that by walking up to my body’s steering wheel and shoving me out of the way.

I didn’t want to do that again. Not if I could help it.

STRONG: She’s right, Juno.

JUNO: But—

PEREYRA: Then there you go. Plan settled. He takes a comms, she takes a comms, and he gives her directions as we walk. Now let’s move.

STRONG: Juno…

JUNO: Yeah, yeah, I’m on it.

PIRANHA: That’s a good P.I. Just call ‘em up and let ‘em know if there’s anything they oughta look out for. And I’ll let you know if you’ve stepped outta line, see?

JUNO (NARRATOR): Pilot squeezed on the orb in their hand and the Dome disappeared for a moment.

SOUND: SHORT SUCTION NOISE.

Alessandra stepped close to them, they squeezed again, and both of them were swallowed by that glowing bubble of light.

SOUND: POP.

PEREYRA: Remember. Perfectly straight.

STRONG: You said it two seconds ago. I’ve got it, thanks.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): They took a few tentative steps out. The tiles next to them flipped over, and we got a good look at what lay underneath the floor. I could’ve seen it before they stepped on it but, uh… I… didn’t?

SOUND: BZZT.

THEIA: Error: cannot access scanning protocol without user permissions.

SOUND: DRILL WHIRR. COMMS BEEP.

JUNO: Strong, look out!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Whoa!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Stay still!

JUNO: Alessandra!

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

Alessandra! No, damn it, damn it…

STRONG (FROM COMMS): (AFTER A PAUSE) Holy… what?!

PIRANHA: Not bad.

JUNO (NARRATOR): The dust settled, and… they were still there.

The floor was torn open, and there were scorch marks as high up as the ceiling, but the Dome was still standing – with Pilot and Strong inside it. Untouched.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): See? You’ve just got to have a little faith. (CHUCKLES) Now keep walking.

SOUND: LASER BLAST.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel?

SOUND: LASER BLAST.

Do you see anything?

SOUND: SEVERAL LOUD BANGS.

JUNO: Uh, you mean besides the ten tons of munitions firing off every second?

SOUND: LASER BLAST.

Nope, but pretty much looks like your Dome’s got that handled!

SOUND: SONAR SCREECH. GUNSHOTS. LASER BLAST.

PIRANHA: They might be good now, P.I., but ain’t you risking a lot, not even bothering with a scan?

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

JUNO: Okay, knock it off.

PIRANHA: (CHUCKLES)

JUNO: How’d you know that? Why do you keep bugging me about my eye?

SOUND: MACHINE GUN FIRE. SEVERAL LOUD BANGS. GUNSHOTS.

PIRANHA: Wowee, you’re paranoid, ain’tcha? That underground radiation seeping through your skull already? Makin’ you go a little bonkers, huh? Be careful, or you might start seein’ things, like dragons that ain’t real? Fire that ain’t there?

JUNO: The hell did you just—!

SOUND: SONAR SCREECH, ENGINE POWERING UP.

Hang on.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

Alessandra! Did you see that flickering?

SOUND: JETS WHOOSHING.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): The what?

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Keep moving forward. No matter what.

SOUND: JETS WHOOSHING.

JUNO: There’s no way that’s good.

PIRANHA: No, P.I. No, I don’t think it is.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Mx. Pereyra… it looks like there’s something wrong with the—

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

Whoa!

PIRANHA: Ooh boy, and that one almost takes her head! So close!

SOUND: JETS WHOOSHING, EXPLOSIONS.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Mx. Pereyra…

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): An illusion. Keep walking. Have fai—

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

(PAINED HISS)

PIRANHA: Right in the thigh! Smell that sizzle!

SOUND: JACKHAMMERING. DISTANT BOOMS.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Pilot, the Dome’s not looking so hot!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Because I looked away to talk to you.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): These are a lot of becauses stretched about as far as they’ll go, and it’s getting harder and harder to buy them.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): That’s why it’s a test.

SOUND: ALL SOUNDS STOP EXCEPT LOW ELECTRIC HUM.

See? And just like that. Rewarded for our efforts.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): I’m… not sure about that. The intercom – there’s no recording from D’Arc yet.

SOUND: DISTANT BOOM.

STRONG & PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Ah!

PIRANHA: Oooh!

JUNO: The hell is that? It’s coming up from the floor!

SOUND: DIRT SHIFTING, RUMBLING.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): You don’t know?! Aren’t you supposed to be scanning for it?

JUNO: Uh… yeah. I-I mean– the hell is that! Tha-that’s what it is, it’s a hell, by which I mean, y—

SOUND: THUNK.

Oh, it’s just a chain link fence. That’s not so bad.

SOUND: LASERS BUZZING.

Until it turns its lasers on! Then it’s– wow, yeah, tha– yeah, wow, really that’s, ah—

SOUND: SHORT SUCTION NOISE. ELECTRIC HUM STOPS.

A-also your Dome is gone!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Really? What setting do you have that eye on, Steel? “Obvious threats?”

THEIA: Would you like me to engage sensors for. Obvious threats?

SOUND: MOTOR WHIRR. RUMBLING.

A free trial sample: the laser-wall. Is now moving. Towards the two targets.

JUNO: Alessandra! The laser wall is moving towards—

STRONG (FROM COMMS): I swear to God, Steel, if you finish that sentence I’m gonna beat you over the head with that stupid eye!

SOUND: LASERS BUZZING.

JUNO: What else do you want me to do?

STRONG (FROM COMMS): How about you stop throwing me scraps and tell me what the hell I’m supposed to do, here!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Keep walking, P.I. You gotta visualize. You gotta believe.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I didn’t know what to do. I could still remember the feeling of the Theia grabbing hold of my muscles and not letting go.

THEIA: Would you like to perform. An electronic scan. For incendiaries, explosives, biochemicals. And other traps?

JUNO: Shut up.

THEIA: Command not recognized.

JUNO: I said shut up!

PIRANHA: How come you don’t shut up? Some of us are trying to enjoy the show.

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel! A little help out here! The lasers are getting closer!

THEIA: My assistance cannot be activated without user permissions.

JUNO: Good, that’s definitely how it should be.

THEIA: Assessment: the room is heavily booby-trapped. Projection: if you do not perform a scan. They will die.

JUNO: I didn’t ask.

THEIA: They will die. And it will be. Your fault. And we will never. Let you. Forget it.

JUNO: What the hell?

SOUND: COMMS BEEP.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Juno!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked up. The laser wall was accelerating. It would be on top of them in seconds. Even when Juno Steel gets his mess together he still leaves a trail of bodies behind him, I thought. Even with two lives on the line he’s still just fighting for himself.

I said it without thinking.

JUNO: Theia, activate scan.

SOUND: ELECTRIC WHIR.

THEIA: Scan complete.

JUNO: Alessandra, there’s an open tile two to your left! Go!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Got it!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Hey, let go of me, you…

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Come on, Pilot!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): No!

SOUND: FLAMES WHOOSHING. LASERS STOP.

PIRANHA: (CACKLES) Y’know, this might’ve been worth the three days sealed up with you idiots!

JUNO: You’re not going to be safe there for long. Go two tiles forward, one tile left.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): There are laser turrets—

JUNO: Just trust me, okay? Quickly!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): You’re gonna get us killed! We just had to keep walking! We just had to have—

SOUND: QUICK GEARS SPINNING.

(YELPS)

STRONG (FROM COMMS): And… one to the left. Juno, those turrets still look—

JUNO: Swinging crusher plate on your six! Just duck!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Whoa!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (YELPS)

SOUND: BIG CRASH.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Destroyed! Okay, those turrets look completely demolished. So, that’s good.

JUNO: Don’t get too comfortable.

THEIA: Caution: high-impact plasma cannons detected. Active in fifteen seconds.

JUNO: You’ve got just over ten seconds to jump the three tiles in front of you, make a break for the other side of the room, and duck on the last tile! It’s a straight shot!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Jump? I can’t jump wearing these. Do you know how expensive these shoes are?

STRONG (FROM COMMS): How the hell did you survive politics, Pilot? Hell, how did you survive middle school?

THEIA: Cannons preparing to fire.

JUNO: Now, Alessandra!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Just jump it, already! (GRUNTS)

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (YELPS)

JUNO (NARRATOR): It was a big push, and a big jump. Almost enough to make it the three feet Pilot needed to.

SOUND: SEVERAL BLASTER SHOTS. POWERING DOWN.

Almost.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Oof!

SOUND: EXPLOSION.

(PANTS)

SOUND: DRILL WHIR.

(GASPS) My heel!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Are you really still whining about your stupid shoes?

PIRANHA: They don’t mean that heel, see? They mean somethin’ a little closer to home!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (PANTING) It hurts, it hurts, it hurts!

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Oh… oh… wow, yeah, that’s pretty bad.

JUNO: There’s no time, Alessandra! The cannons! Run!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Run?! How am I supposed to—

STRONG (FROM COMMS): It’s either run or die, Mayor Pereyra, and I’m only letting you do one of those. Now lean on my shoulder and let’s move!

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Ah!

SOUND: SEVERAL BLASTER SHOTS. POWERING DOWN.

PIRANHA: So close! Just a little slower and maybe we’ll get to see a real show! (CACKLES)

SOUND: SEVERAL BLASTER SHOTS. POWERING DOWN.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): We’re almost there! Duck the last tile, right?

JUNO: You got it.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Under what?

JUNO: Honestly, it’s probably better if you don’t know.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Steel—!

JUNO: Now!

STRONG & PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Oof!

SOUND: BIG BLAST, SONAR SCREECH. SHORT SUCTION NOISE.

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): (PAINED GASPS)

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Yeah, you know what? That’s… that’s the one time I’m gonna agree with you that it’s better I didn’t know.

JUNO: See? I know what I’m talkin’ about. Sometimes.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Thanks—

JUNO: Not often, so I want to take credit when I do, obviously.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Thanks, Steel.

PIRANHA: You two wanna stop kissing over the damn comms and deactivate this deathtrap? If I’m not gonna get any fun out of this I’d at least like to keep moving, see?

PEREYRA (FROM COMMS): Agreed. Deactivate this, and then deal with my foot. Now.

STRONG (FROM COMMS): Fine.

PIRANHA: Let’s get moving while the intercom blabs. Nice job, P.I.

JUNO: Hmph.

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): (CHEWING) Hey. You listened.

SOUND: MACHINE POWERING DOWN.

Nice work. If you’re alive. Which… you probably aren’t. Because you probably didn’t listen. Nobody does. Why would you? Why would anybody? (LAUGHS) Talking to a bunch of dead bodies. This is a new low, Marsh. A new low. Unless… I mean… hey, it’s possible. You could be there. And if you are… (CHUCKLES) It worked. I got the best. (LAUGHS) Erin, you old idiot. I knew it would work. I knew it! It’s gonna be amazing, and we’re gonna keep it that way because we only let in the ones who deserve it! You can’t make everyone happy, Ma! That’s why you could never make anyone anything! (LAUGHS) Alright, winner’s circle! Come on through! We’ll make this last test an easy one, then… home. Welcome to the Free Dome. Marshall… out!

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And somehow, I knew then that was the last time we were going to hear from Marshall D’Arc.

I was less sure than ever of what we’d find, where the Free Dome was supposed to be. I was less sure than ever that I cared. I was just tired. Tired of the victims. Tired of people getting duped, then dead. I just wanted it to be over. I just wanted it to be over.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

STRONG: Thanks. Hold their leg up. They’re bleeding too much for me to clean out the wound.

JUNO: Got it.

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS STOP.

PEREYRA: (PANTING) This… this is all your fault.

JUNO: How the hell do you figure? She’s the only reason you aren’t dead, you—

STRONG: Just let them babble, Juno. Missing that much blood I’d be surprised if they can even hear you.

PEREYRA: The Dome would’ve protected us… D’Arc said the Dome would protect us…

JUNO: Your stupid Dome didn’t work, Pilot. It fell apart on you. It’s broken.

PEREYRA: Didn’t work? You mean this?

SOUND: POP. LOW ELECTRIC HUM.

JUNO: What the hell?

STRONG: It’s on again! But then… why did it shut down on us?

PEREYRA: Because we were supposed to just listen. And you had to ask questions.

SOUND: SHORT SUCTION NOISE. HUM STOPS.

And I should shoot you for that right here and now.

SOUND: GUN COCKING.

JUNO: Damn it, you’re kidding me. You didn’t take their gun?

STRONG: I saw them drop it—

Damn it, that’s my gun. They took my gun three days ago.

PEREYRA: You’re damn right I did. Now keep bandaging.

Too dizzy to hear you, huh? Counting Pilot Pereyra out. You and everyone else. Always. But you know what? I got faith.

STRONG: Hey, uh, you want to help us handle your boss over here?

PIRANHA: Sorry, Big-Eyes, but I’m a little busy—

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

Whoa!

PEREYRA: Shut up. I’m trying to talk. She doesn’t work for me. Maybe she did, but after this? No. Hell no.

PIRANHA: You tryin’ to skip out on the bill, Pereyra?

PEREYRA: Oh, the bill. I’ll pay your stupid bill just to get you away from me. You’ve got nothing but what you’ve got right now, this second, and that’s barely anything, pal. I got the whole future! (LAUGHS) That was always the secret to my success, y’know. Numbskulls like O’Flaherty promise they’ll bring the future to you, but me… I always knew I’d only ever be able to get it for myself. Just watch me! One month and I’ll be out of that public dump of a city, and I’ll have the whole future! Whatever future I want!

JUNO: Wait, hang on—

PIRANHA: Shut them up.

JUNO: Not in Hyperion City? But if you’re just gonna leave—

PIRANHA: Shut up.

STRONG: Why would you be starting a whole real-estate operation now?

PEREYRA: I run way too many deals to know what the hell you’re talking—

PIRANHA: I said shut up!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

I’ve had a long couple’a days. Hell, I’ve had a long couple’a months. I’m ready to get paid and go home, and we gotta get back and move on with our lives before the vice-mayor declares you dead. So let’s. Go.

PEREYRA: Good idea. I’m not done using you two yet. But as soon as we get to the Free Dome… pew! (LAUGHS)

SOUND: FOOTSTEPS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And so we kept walking.

The final room was big enough for another test, but there wasn’t anything there. Not even a real message from Marshall. Just this:

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC.

MARSHALL (FROM SPEAKER): Placeholder audio… test, test… testing rewriteable audio– oh God dammit, not again—

SOUND: INTERCOM BLIP. STATIC ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And that was the last we heard from him.

Then we made it outside to the underground again – the dirt and stone, the irradiated, half-melted light fixtures. The tunnel sloped upwards, and in the distance, if I squinted, I thought I could see…

PEREYRA: A door. We’re here. Go. Go, quickly. Now.

JUNO (NARRATOR): So we kept walking.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BUZZES & BLIPS.

PEREYRA: You see? This is our grand welcome.

VOICE 1 (FROM SPEAKER): Please… please, go away. Go home! This is your last chance!

STRONG: It’s that voice again. From the very beginning.

VOICE 1 (FROM SPEAKER): I’m sorry, I’ve been trying to get in the audio but Grandma’s system was too complex, and-and Dad… it doesn’t matter. There’s nothing here. Please! I’ve been trying to tell you, there’s nothing here!

This is the only message she left rewriteable. Probably so the Domers could keep subbing out the welcome message, over and over again, forever. You’ve got to know that, about Erin Marshall D’Arc: she wasn’t a bad person. She wanted this to last forever.

Dad was a good guy, too. I-I… well, I mean… well, no, he wasn’t. But-but if you heard this every day and you saw what he saw…

SOUND: ELECTRONIC JINGLE.

Just, please, don’t listen to her! Go back!

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): My new neighbors. Congratulations. After such a long, long journey, you’ve finally made it home.

PEREYRA: We’re almost there. Keep going!

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): In the Free Dome, we believe in one thing above all else: that if you’re going to believe in anything, you have to believe in people. They’ve made mistakes in the past. They set up planets, and cities, and a galaxy that can’t be fixed, and that is a shame. But people, young and old, all have one thing in common: the present.

And you have to believe that, given a chance? People will use today to make a better tomorrow. If you give them a fair chance, an honest chance, people will make a home worth living in. You have to believe that. I believe that.

So open the door, neighbors. And welcome home.

SOUND: STATIC ENDS. GUN COCKING.

PEREYRA: You heard Ms. D’Arc. Open it. And the second you get a look at paradise… you die.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I felt Pilot’s pistol pressed against the back of my head. I felt Alessandra hold her breath beside me.

PEREYRA: Open it.

JUNO: Hey, uh, come on, now, don’t we get any last words or anything?

STRONG: I’ve got some.

PEREYRA: Make them quick, then.

STRONG: Juno, when I saw you before we went down into the stupid subway, I thought you were exactly the same mess of a P.I. I met months ago. And I was wrong. You were a bigger mess.

JUNO: Cool! Cool, good to know I get to end this whole life thing on an up note.

STRONG: And you know what? That felt like a real shame.

Because when we first met, you really swept me off my feet. Do you get what I mean?

JUNO: Yeah, I’m a real heartthrob or whatever. This is seriously how you want to go out?

STRONG: Steel!

PEREYRA: That’s enough. Open the door.

JUNO (NARRATOR): And I could only hope I understood what Strong was saying. So I reached forward, pressed a button…

SOUND: CLICK. FOUR BEEPS.

…and opened the door.

SOUND: HEAVY RUMBLING.

PEREYRA: Keep those eyes wide open, now. I want to hear what you think of it.

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): You’ll see the road, first. Concrete, like old roads on Earth. Trees in the parks – trees out in the desert, can you believe it? And you’ll hear music, bells from the schools, and you’ll smell the fresh-baked breads, because here we have time for things other than weapons. Here we have time for music, for baking, for art, for life.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Finally, the doors were open enough to see a sliver of light. And then, when Pilot was distracted by whatever was on the other side of that door? That’s when I swept them off their feet.

SOUND: TWO THUDS.

PEREYRA: Oof!

JUNO: Got ‘em down. Alessandra!

STRONG: Got their gun! And if you move I shoot, got it?

PIRANHA: Uhhh, yeah, whatever. Just try to keep it down, see?

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): And protecting you from above?

PEYRERA: No…

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): My creation, the invention that makes our liberty possible… the Dome! The Free Dome!

PEREYRA: No no no no no no no no no no no no no no!

JUNO: That’s right, Pilot. The game’s up.

PEREYRA: No, no! Where is it? Where is it?!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I followed Pilot’s gaze, but I knew what I was going to see before I ever saw it.

ERIN (FROM SPEAKER): This is the Free Dome, neighbors. Now let us give you a great big welcome home! Three… two… one…

SOUND: CLANG. RUMBLING STOPS. WIND BLOWING.

STRONG: Come on, ma’am. Put the gun down. I don’t want to hurt you or your boss, here.

PIRANHA: Gimme a second.

JUNO: She said put the gun down, you—

PIRANHA: Yeah, hey, and you know what? I might. Just do me a favor and stay quiet a little longer, see? I’m tryin’ to catch the end of the big game.

JUNO (NARRATOR): You don’t take a shot in a standoff unless you have to, so we didn’t. I kept my gun aimed at the Piranha, she kept hers at Strong. A sandstorm was growing in the distance, red and writhing. As the wind began to howl, the intercom coughed to life one last time.

SOUND: ELECTRONIC BUZZES & BLIPS.

VOICE 1 (FROM SPEAKER): God, I’m… I’m sorry, I’m so, so…

I promise, if there was ever a way to get this recording in earlier, I would’ve done it. I tried so hard to warn you, or to deactivate the pod or the tests, but… I just had to leave. You don’t know what it was like, you don’t know… what it was like…

I don’t know how it happened. The underground radiation, maybe, making them see things, or… maybe they just wanted to see it. I never met her, but Dad… Dad wasn’t good before the radiation either.

(SNORTS) You don’t care. Why would you care? It doesn’t matter. Not anymore.

(SIGHS) I wish they’d made it. I wish it was possible.

MUSIC: STARTS.

Erin. I think she really thought… well even if she couldn’t do it… maybe Dad could. She believed in him so much. And, when he realized he couldn’t make it work, he– he just…

(SIGHS) It was bad. He was… bad.

(SNIFFS) This is the only spot where I could find a foothold in Erin’s security protocols. The only spot she wanted rewriteable, so we could keep welcoming people forever, so. I’m gonna rewrite it.

To make sure this never happens to anyone else I’ve added a protocol here to shut everything down. The tests, the messages, the Dome sample, everything. This big door is going to close automatically in two minutes and this whole place is gonna shut down, and go away, and it, and its stupid promise, can never hurt anyone again.

I hope nobody ever hears this. If I could have anything… it’d be that.

But, if you are… please, go home. Please. Because… home’s not here. And it never was.

MUSIC: ENDS.

PEREYRA: No… that can’t be real. It can’t be!

That’s it. It can’t be real. A test. Marshall said there would be three tests, and this, this is- this is just the third test, isn’t it? The Dome is still out there. It has to be out there!

STRONG: Mx. Pereyra…

JUNO: Ugh, look, Piranha-face, are you gonna give up or what?

PIRANHA: Shh! Hold on, hold on! Aaaaand… that’s the score.

Alright, yep, I give in. Let’s go back now.

PEREYRA: You what?

PIRANHA: You want them to shoot you? Yeah, wowee, gosh darn, we sure did lose this one really bad, see? Sounds like it’s time to go home.

PEREYRA: A test… it’s just a…

Fine. I’ll come… quietly.

JUNO: You sure?

PEREYRA: Absolutely. Just let me up. I can barely breathe.

STRONG: I’ll make sure she doesn’t do anything tricky. Go for it, Steel.

JUNO: Alright, Pilot, lift up your arms so I can check your po—

SOUND: PUNCH. RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING.

Oof!

STRONG: Steel!

PIRANHA: You idiot, you’re letting them get away! Didn’t’ja hear? That door’s gonna close in two minutes!

JUNO: I didn’t know they had it in ‘em… they looked like they could barely stand up.

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS.

Pilot, get back here!

PEREYRA: (DISTANT) I’m so close! I know it!

PIRANHA: (BECOMING DISTANT) You get back here, you idiot! Didn’t you hear D’Arc? If this thing seals with you outside it, you’re stuck in the desert! And with that sandstorm brewing, nobody’s gonna be able to find you until you’re half past dead!

STRONG: (DISTANT) Stop trying to stall. Drop your gun, gangster.

JUNO: Pilot, stop!

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) Oh, for God’s sake, that’s enough!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

STRONG: (DISTANT) Ah!

JUNO: Alessandra!

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was almost there. They were already injured. I would’ve grabbed their shoulder in two seconds.

Then… the laser shot.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. GRUNT.

It came up behind me, winged past my ear… and hit Pilot right in the back.

They hit the sand like a sack of bones and rolled, slowly, to a stop.

PEREYRA: (PANTING)

STRONG: (DISTANT) Agh, my hand, my hand!

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) What are you crying about? That was just a stun blast, shouldn’t’ve done any more than tickled your fingers, see?

Wuh-oh. Looks like I forgot to… put it on stun.

You ever have one of those days where it just seems like you can’t catch a break, Big-Eyes?

JUNO (NARRATOR): I couldn’t understand anything I was seeing. Pilot, sobbing as they bled. The sandstorm growing in the distance. Behind me the Piranha’s gun was still smoking. Strong’s gun was across the room. It and her hand were sizzling.

STRONG: (DISTANT) How are you complaining about this? You shot off two of my fingers!

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) Oh, whatever. I’ll buy you new ones.

STRONG: (DISTANT) What?

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) Just stay put for two seconds, alright? And that goes double for you, P.I.! I better not see you move unless it’s towards me!

JUNO (NARRATOR): She stomped in my direction. Her gun wasn’t even raised. When Pilot grabbed the end of my pant leg I almost jumped out of my skin. They were sand-caked, already looked sunburned, eyes wild.

PEREYRA: Where is it, P.I.? I know it’s out here. Just tell me and I’ll give you anything you want, buddy, anything—

JUNO: Pilot…

PEREYRA: Don’t lie to me! I know it’s out here! I’ve been looking for this for too long, I know it… I believed!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. SILENCE.

JUNO (NARRATOR): Pilot Pereyra was still. Their red blood, pouring out onto the red sands of paradise.

They’d always had a fire in them, Pilot. They threw everything they could into it – time, and money, and people – all in the hopes that it would bring them here. To the Free Dome. So maybe it was fitting that when they found out there was nothing here they threw in the last thing they had: themselves.

PIRANHA: Holy hell, what a day.

Look, if anybody asks what happened to them, we leave this little stun-blaster mixup out of it, okay? One of the traps did it, or whatever.

JUNO: You… y-y-you killed them.

PIRANHA: Yeah, sure, this one’s on me. Fine.

JUNO: But, why?

Who are you?

PIRANHA: Eh, nobody special. I like it better that way.

SOUND: ALARM BEEPS.

Damn it! The door!

SOUND: HEAVY RUMBLING.

Hey, I’d really love to have a good long pow-wow about this underneath the blistering, radioactive sun, but we’re kinda outta time. So what d’you say you and me talk about this back in the tunnel?

JUNO (NARRATOR): She reached out to grab me, but those hands…

I thought I had it all figured out. Pilot, sabotaging Ramses, kicking people out of their homes… it felt like if I had one more piece, the whole puzzle would make sense. And out here, in the Free Dome, this was supposed to be where I found it.

I thought it would all be worth it. The Proctor, Swift, Pollock, even that stupid cat, I thought they’d all be worth it so long as I took down Pilot Pereyra. Now I had. And I still didn’t know a goddamn thing.

The Piranha’s claw came closer, but I couldn’t let her touch me.

SOUND: HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: Command received. Amplifying reaction ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time—

JUNO: What the—

SOUND: GLITCH.

THEIA: ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR (REPEATING IN BACKGROUND)

SOUND: ALARM.

JUNO: (PAINED YELL)

JUNO (NARRATOR): That pain again. It came from my eye but that wasn’t where I felt it: it grabbed me everywhere, spreading from my spine like a crack in ice, growing, growing, ready to shatter. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t think.

SOUND: ALARM STOPS. RUMBLING CONTINUES.

PIRANHA: Now that’s more like it. Didn’t even have to pull the trigger.

JUNO (NARRATOR): She grabbed my elbow. And even if I couldn’t think, I still wouldn’t let her touch me. So I did what I’ve done in place of thinking since I was three years old.

JUNO: (GRUNTS)

SOUND: PUNCH.

PIRANHA: Oof!

My gun!

SOUND: THUD. GRUNTS, RUSTLING.

PIRANHA: Get offa me! We’re gonna roast out here, you moron!

JUNO: Tell me how you keep doing this.

PIRANHA: Doing what?

JUNO: My eye! Every time I try to get you, my—

SOUND: GLITCH.

(PAINED YELL)

JUNO (NARRATOR): Another bolt through my spine. The Piranha pushed me off her and gave me a kick in the ribs for good measure.

PIRANHA: Fine! Die with Pereyra if you want. I’m not letting some one-eyed idiot kill me!

SOUND: RUNNING FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING. HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: The Theia Spectrum is now online.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I sat up. The door was almost closed. The Piranha was almost there. But, she wasn’t gonna make it. Through the crack still open, I saw Alessandra Strong. “Cockroach Strong,” they called her, because she couldn’t be killed – and she wasn’t about to be now.

It was the right choice. I wish I had the guts to make it.

STRONG: (DISTANT) Juno, you moron! Dying’s easy! You have to—

SOUND: CLANG. RUMBLING STOPS.

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) No! Hrnnn, no! No, God damn it, no!

JUNO (NARRATOR): The Piranha’s gun was in the sand just a few feet away. I started crawling.

PIRANHA: (DISTANT) You’re meat, P.I.! I’m gonna rip you to pieces, see?

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I shouldn’t have risked using the Theia again, but the first time we tangled, the Piranha had gotten away from me because I missed the shot. I wasn’t gonna miss this time. I wasn’t.

I braced myself for the pain. The good guys always win, I thought. The good guys always win.

THEIA: Command received. Activating aim assissssttttaaaannnnccccceeee—

SOUND: GLITCH.

ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR (REPEATING IN BACKGROUND)

SOUND: ALARM.

JUNO: (PAINED YELL)

SARAH: Little MONSTERS!

PIRANHA: You messed with the wrong hitman, P.I.! Without that eye you’re nothing, see? Nothing!

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. ALARM STOPS.

Oh, give it up! Every goddamn shot you take is a bone I’m gonna break, I swear!

JUNO (NARRATOR): She was close, now. She looked about half a second away from ripping me in two, and I still couldn’t hit her. The pulses from my eye were grabbing my arm and pulling it here, pushing it there, and it was going to kill me.

This was it. My eye working together with my killer, and I’d never know why. I thought. Then I felt something. Rolling up my spine, into my skull, and then…

SOUND: HAPPY THEIA BEEP.

THEIA: The Theia Spectrum is now online.

Receiving. Logged request. Overriding. User muscular control. Firing in 3… 2… 1.

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT. THUD.

PIRANHA: (HOWLS) Oh, God damn it, unghhh! God damn it! How did you… (PANTS) Your eye’s back on.

JUNO: Yeah, about that. I think you and I need to have a talk.

PIRANHA: But if your eye’s working, that means…

He turned on me. He really did it. I get him this far, and then he double-crosses me.

JUNO: Let’s start there, for example. Who the hell is “he?”

PIRANHA: (CHUCKLES) Fine. He wants to stick it to me? Why the hell not. I’ll stick it to him. Might as well get some fun out of this stupid job.

JUNO: I already asked you. Who is “he?”

PIRANHA: It was that mess with Babbling Brook that got you on his radar, you know. You got in his way. He needed a stooge. It was a match made in hell. And your job at the Fortezza, that was just the interview. That was a fun one. I’ve never had anybody pay me to hire another hitman. Or to call in a target like that.

JUNO: Just say his name.

PIRANHA: Polaris Park was next. He just wanted a little sabotage we could eventually tie back to Pilot, but when he heard how I did it he wasn’t too happy. Hypocrite. ‘Cause then you stomp in there and murder Swift yourself and he’s all “let me give you a hug” and “my poor, poor little lady.”

JUNO: No, no, God damn it, stop lying!

PIRANHA: After that he got squeamish, changed tacks, wanted to find some other way to make Pereyra look bad. So he thought: what’s the only thing so important to Pereyra that they’d leave their city on election day for it?

All this.

JUNO: You knew…?

PIRANHA: Our guy, he’s got corporate connections, see? Galactic. Easy for a guy like that to get a dumb treasure map. So he parked you on some roof for a month, then told me to keep Pilot busy until election day… playing treasure-hunter. And you got to pretend to be a big hero for three days, even though I was always there to protect you. Was it fun? Wanna get on the ride again, sweetheart?

JUNO: Say his name.

PIRANHA: We know who we’re talking about.

JUNO: Say it.

PIRANHA: How come you want it so bad, P.I.? Huh? Why don’t you say it and I’ll tell you if you’re right?

You can’t do it. Can you? Because you’re still hoping it’s not really him. You know it is, but you’re still hoping. Because you believe in him. That’s how he got you, you know. That’s how he gets everyone.

JUNO: Say his God damn name or I’ll shoot!

PIRANHA: So you know what my secret to success is, P.I.?

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT.

(GRUNTS) Oh, come on! Shoot me like you mean it! You can’t beat me like I beat you because I don’t believe in anybody but myself, see? I take the Free Dome away from Pilot and it kills them. I take the old man away from you and you’re broken. But me? I only believe in me. And you can never, ever take that from me.

JUNO: Say his name or I’ll kill you.

PIRANHA: You say it.

It’s too late. You’ve got nothing, now. And I’ve still got the only one anybody can ever rely on, see? And I’d just like to see you take that away from me, P.I. (CHUCKLES) I’d like to see you try! (LAUGHING)

SOUND: BLASTER SHOT, LAUGHTER STOPS.

MUSIC: ENDS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): That earpiece – the one she’d been listening to ‘the big game’ on – fell out of her ear. I put it in mine.

ANNOUNCER (FROM RADIO): …it’s a landslide victory! One more time, folks, if you’re just tuning in with us now, Ramses O’Flaherty has taken the election in a complete upset! We’re tuning in now to O’Flaherty’s victory address, live from Hyperion Town Hall:

SOUND: CROWD CHEERS.

RAMSES O’FLAHERTY (FROM RADIO): Now, I know that saying “thank you” is the cliché at this particular moment, but… thank you.

SOUND: CROWD LAUGHS.

But, really. They say that helping yourself is sometimes the most difficult thing of all. Sometimes, when we seek to make the world a better place, we so fear being selfish that we refuse to act in our own self-interest; we bow and scrape to those who wish us ill and call it tolerance, respect, humility. But you, my fellow citizens, you chose to help yourselves. You chose a better future – and by God, you’re going to get it.

(LAUGHS) And to think. It was only a few days ago, as I spoke to a friend of mine, that he told me he felt that hope was pointless. Just a lot of flailing for nothing. And on that day I could not blame him.

Because on that day, our mayor was a psychotic. They acted only in the interest of what benefited them, and worse, they couldn’t even seem to decide what that was! Incontrovertible evidence has shown that they have attempted to take my life, that they have successfully taken the lives of others to win this election… and yet, come election day, where are they? They care enough to murder, but not enough to show up?

They cannot be trusted. The corrupt HCPD, who refused to protect me from the Proctor and who assisted Pilot Pereyra in their escape from the Museum of Colonized History, cannot be trusted. My young friend was right to doubt. But you, the great people of Hyperion City, you have chosen to doubt no longer.

SOUND: APPLAUSE.

MUSIC: STARTS.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I was numb, top to bottom. I could hear his voice. See the hope in his sky-blue eyes. And even now, even now that I knew the truth, I believed in him. God damn it, I believed in him! Ramses O’Flaherty. The person I’d been chasing all this time, the connection between every eviction and theft and murder, was the man I was working for. And I’d helped him do it.

RAMSES (FROM RADIO): That young friend I spoke of? He is chasing after Pilot Pereyra now. It’s true. The killer who took your families, the monster who took your homes. In just a few days, the bravest young person in Hyperion City will return with them in tow. And though his acts will be heroic we cannot let him stand alone.

JUNO (NARRATOR): I looked at the huge gate of the Free Dome, at the big, broken promise of it. I looked at the slumped body of Pilot Pereyra. I looked at the Piranha, who I killed.

And then I looked at the desert. The growing storm. The lonely wastes.

It was quiet out there. No politicians. No people. No promises.

I took the Piranha’s radio out of my ear and dropped it.

SOUND: SOFT CLUNK.

RAMSES (FROM RADIO): (DISTANT) We need people like him. We need people who will not tolerate evil, will not tolerate corruption, will risk their own lives to stomp it out. We need people to build a new city, a better city, a city of the future!

JUNO (NARRATOR): For a second I could still see the radio, an ash-colored dot in the red, red sand. A desert wind blew by and a light dust began to cover it and I knew soon it would be buried. With Pilot, with the Piranha, gone, forever.

That didn’t sound so bad, I thought.

So I turned to the wide open Martian desert, those endless, swirling sands, and I started walking.

RAMSES (FROM RADIO): (DISTANT) It’s the sunrise of a new day, my friends, so grab your tools and join me! Together we build our new home! Together we will make the city of the future!

MUSIC: ENDS.

***

SOUND: TRAIN MOVING, MUSIC.

CONDUCTOR: If you’ve enjoyed this tale, please consider donating to The Penumbra on Patreon. Our artists work tirelessly to bring you these stories, and if you have the means, we hope you will support our efforts. Every dollar helps. You can find that page at patreon.com/thepenumbrapodcast. If you support us on Patreon at the $10 level or higher, you’ll receive access to commentary tracks like this one, from actors Joshua Ilon, Kat Buckingham and Simon Moody, and co-creator Sophie Kaner:

SOUND: TRAIN STOPS, DOOR SLIDES OPEN, RAIN.

JOSHUA: …gonna be alright, so, I expect it to happen eventually.

SOPHIE: In the end.

SIMON: They lied! (LAUGHS)

SOPHIE: Eventually. Not any time soon.

SIMON: Well, when we first read through the episode, like, I got fully, fully, like hoodwinked, to use a turn of phrase, um, by that– that twist at the end. Like, oh shooooot. Like, here he is, Mister Big Dreams, and here to do good, and like, no, don’t you do me like that, you’re gonna d– oh, there it is.

SOPHIE: He did.

SIMON: Yup. Yup. He did it.

SOPHIE: He did do you like that…

SOUND: DOOR SLIDES SHUT.

CONDUCTOR: You can also support The Penumbra by liking us on Facebook, following us on Twitter @thepenumbrapod, following us on Tumblr @thepenumbrapodcast, telling your friends about us, telling your friends to tell their friends about us, and especially by rating and reviewing our podcast on iTunes. Every rating, comment, and kind word spreads our stories further and inspires us to keep creating more and better tales to come.

We would like to give special thanks to all who support us on Patreon, but especially to Vron, Charlie Spiegel, Minchowski, Jaimie Gunter, and the Princess and the Scrivener for their incredibly generous contributions per episode. Thank you.

This tale, Juno Steel and the Promised Land, was told by the following people: Joshua Ilon as Juno Steel, Kat Buckingham as Alessandra Strong, Simon Moody as Mayor Pilot Pereyra, Sophie Kaner as the Piranha, Kiki Samko as Sarah Steel, and Matthew Zahnzinger as Ramses O’Flaherty.

This tale also featured: Lauren Shippen of The Bright Sessions as Erin Marshall D’Arc, Zach Valenti of Wolf 359 as Marshall Erin D’Arc, and Rich Wentworth of Hadron Gospel Hour as the last of the D’Arcs.

On staff at The Penumbra: Kevin Vibert is our lead writer and recording engineer. Sophie Kaner is our director and sound designer. Grahame Turner is our script editor. Noah Simes is our production manager. Alice Chung is our designer and financial manager. Kat Buckingham is our publicity director. Original music by Ryan Vibert. Promotional art by Mikaela Buckley.

The Penumbra is created and produced by Sophie Kaner and Kevin Vibert.

I’m afraid this is the end of the line for today, dear Traveler. We hope you will ride with The Penumbra again soon.

ALL SOUNDS: FADE OUT.

#juno steel

22 notes · View notes