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willowser · 3 months

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i received this lovely lovely lil thought from a lovely lovely anon in response to this question, and i think we ALL should get to enjoy it 🥹🩷

(Tw:Abuse / Manipulation (kind of; it's not overly gratuitous, but better safe than sorry))

Will! !! So I was thinking about your "would Bakugou chase after you, even after you're engaged" post (loved it! spinning it around in my head), and while I do think he'd probably let you go if you were truely happy with this other person, y'know what might change that? If this other person wasn't making you happy. (I’M SO SORRY FOR THE INCOMING WALL OF TEXT – please just delete if I’m being annoying!!) To explain; I think in this scenario, maybe you're still getting over a long-time unrequited crush (👀), and you're looking for something with a normal, sweet guy to help get over it. He's not the type you would usually go for, but he's nice enough (idk, maybe he has blonde hair, or red eyes, and maybe that makes it easier). And while you initially thought this would just be a short fling, it just kind of... gets away from you? A few dates turn into a few more, and then lots more and before you know it things are getting Serious. He's talking about moving in together, and you're taken aback by it (weren't you just starting to go out together? Isn't this too soon?). But it's not like you have anything real to complain about! He's not horrible to you or anything! He treats you well enough! It's just that you don't seem to feel anything... deep? for him. You don't daydream about a future together, you don't go out and wish he was there with you; Honestly, if he's not there with you, you don't think much about him at all (not the way you used to with him 👀). And hey, maybe sometimes (frequently) you end up doing things you didn't want to do, maybe he knows what to say to get you to acquiesce to his wants and needs, without coming across as manipulative. Or maybe you're just nervous! He isn't "rushing you long term commitments, which would dissuade you from leaving", the two of you are just caught up in a Whirlwind Romance! /Sarcastic. Being honest, that kind of thing grinds a person down after a while; you bend much more easily to his whims. He is, after all, so Normal and so Sweet - and how often do guys like that turn up? You'd be a fool to dump him now, now he knows you so well, and really. What are you expecting? Some Prince Charming(👀) to come and sweep you off your feet? Get real. So you get the flat together, and later on (though sooner than you'd like), you accept his proposal.

1 / 7 (I'm so sorry)

2/7 To my mind, this is the kind of diverging path for Bakugou. I think, if this was a genuine whirlwind romance, and it was recognised by the people around you, he'd probably back off. For all his brashness, he wouldn't want to hurt you by ruining your wedding day to the person you actually love. TBH I can kind of see him pining for you for the rest of his life, and hoping you become a widow/er so he get another shot to confess his feelings lmao. In that situation he could write off his own negative feelings towards your fiance as his own jealousy, right? If the fiance were actually bad for you, at least one other person from your respective friend group would notice. But!! I think that would change if his opinions were backed up by his friends (because it would demonstrate that it isn’t just his jealousy tarnishing his opinion of your boyfriend) Let's imagine that maybe he isn't the only one to think something Weird is going on. Maybe he's hanging out with Denki and Sero, because he's so obviously miserable about not confessing in time, and they're trying to cheer him up (it's been a month and he's mouldering. He is suffering). In walk Eijiro and Mina, who - while they were out getting snacks that Bakugou would never even consider eating if he wasn't in the depths of despair - just so happened to run into you and your new... boyfriend? Kind of? You seemed kind of reluctant to say the two of you were dating, but he seemed nice. Eijiro thinks he's kind of bland, and Mina knows you can do better (which she says both for Bakugou's ego, and because it's true), but nice enough. And you know, maybe, for the first time in a month, Bakugou stops sitting so rigidly. He doesn't slouch per se, no. He relaxes in the same way that tiger might relax before pouncing, in the way that a hunter might breathe out before pulling the trigger. A month of dating, and you still won't call the guy your boyfriend? When you'd introduced them to each-other (after your third date), Bakugou assumed it was his jealousy that made him hate the guy. Kind of boring, kind of pushy (a/n: no, he wouldn't clock the fact that he looks like off-brand Bakugou). He didn't think it would last too long, but it still felt bitter that that was the guy who beat him to the punch.

But seriously; a month of dating, and you still won't call the guy your boyfriend? That's... interesting >:)

3/7 So months roll by, and Bakugou keeps his eye on you. He flipflops between anguishing over his jealousy, and making sure that your “boyfriend” is treating you right. Of course, it’s made harder by the fact that he doesn’t see you that much any more. Your other friends notice it too; You’re not being kept inside your (shared) flat, but you always seem busy, and a bit tired. Ochako and Iida can usually grab you for lunch, Momo swings by your flat pretty often, but your social calendar seems so full now. Full of dates and outings with your new boyfriend. Apparently, you barely have a minute for someone you’ve been friends with since childhood.

It pisses Bakugou off to no end, but he’s keeping his distance (for now). Because the thing is, Bakugou – above anything else – respects you. If you want to waste your time on some loser, he’s not going to presume that he knows better for you! Bakugou’s many things but he’s not “fuckin’ presumptuous”. Besides, if you really were in dire straights, or needed help, you’d reach out. It’s not like you don’t still send him little messages every other day; memes you think he’ll like, little scenic photographs of your dates (conspicuously, your boyfriend is missing from every single one👀). He’s Fine. He can Be Patient. (Reader, he’s been seething for months).

4/7 HOWEVER. Flashing forward to The Proposal. I think it shakes him; firstly because the person he loves is getting married to another man, and he somehow thought you’d have ended it by now. But secondly because everyone else seems to agree that it’s weird! It’s way too soon for marriage to a guy that you don’t even seem to like all that much, and while everyone gently float their concerns to you that maybe it’s just a teeny tiny smidge too soon to get married (which you rebuff half-heartedly), the group-chat is popping the fuck off. It’s definitely too soon, this guy is Too Normal in a very weird way, they barely know him, the wedding is taking place really soon, they should stage in intervention (Eijiro&Tsuyu&Sero), they should kidnap you until you realise what a mistake it would be (Mina&Denki), they should kill him (Deku&Ochako&Iida), etc. It’s pretty weird, then, that Bakugou comes in as the voice of reason; you’re a grown up, and you can make your own decisions. If you really, genuinely want to marry him, that’s up to you; After all the freedom to make your own decisions comes with the responsibility to accept the consequences. (a/n: obvs it would be phrased in a far more Bakugou-esque fashion, but you get my point). So they relent, although they’re still concerned.

So maybe a few days before the wedding he sends you a message (because it’s tricky to get a hold of you in person); he just wants to know what you see in your fiance. He wants to know if you’re really serious about him, or if you’re just settling. It’s not phrased cruelly, but it’s blunt. The message he sends isn’t nice and sweet, but it’s honest, and it comes from a place of concern.

You read it and you don’t reply.

Flash forward again, and it’s the night before the wedding. Wedding Eve, if you will. Bakugou’s in a sour mood and tries to ease his pain by heading to a bar, but it doesn’t really get any better throughout the night. He’s conflicted now more than ever; Is this guy actually awful and bad for you, or is he just jealous? Is he not stepping in because he wants to be respectful of your wishes, or because he’s afraid that by doing so he’ll reveal his own feelings, and suffer the consequent (possible) rejection? Why didn’t he just tell you how he felt before this mess started? He has a few drinks to many, and falls into a dreamless sleep.

5/7 MERRY WEDDINGMAS. It’s the day of the wedding, and because of he hit the bottle too hard last night, Bakugou’s overslept (for the first time in his life, probably). He goes to check his phone – maybe he can still make it to the wedding the venue on time?-

TWO MISSED MESSAGES.

He didn’t realise, but last night you finally replied to his message: You don’t know if you want to get married to this guy.

It’s a long, winding message, but what it boils down to is this- You threw yourself into a relationship with someone you know you don’t really love (you like him well enough, but there’s no spark), because you’ve been spending years muddling your way through a hopeless crush on someone you think will never like you back. So you’ve let yourself go along with this guy, but now you’re on Wedding Eve, and you’ve never been so uncertain of yourself! Your fiance’s a sensible choice (He’s Bland, and he’s Pushy, but he’s Nice, and he’s Normal, but maybe you’re losing yourself in your relationship with him, but maybe you just have cold feet), but you’re not sure that you care any more, and it’s now or never, and it’s ‘You, Bakugou, It’s always been you’, and you’ve been too afraid to tell him, because when does real life play out like the films? When does the years long pining, the roller-coaster of emotions, the ‘I’ve been in love with you since the moment I saw you’, have a happily-ever-after in the real world?

The next message was sent a few hours later. Evidently, you’d calmed down somewhat, because you tell him that you’re sorry for sending him all of that on Wedding Eve, that you’ve had feelings for him for a long time, but if he doesn’t feel the same it would be the kind of closure you’d need to move on. If he doesn’t want to attend the ceremony, you’ll understand and leave him alone. But if he wants to “talk” (👀!!!), then you’ll be waiting for him.

Bakugou feels raw after reading your confession; All this time, and the two of you – despite sharing the same feelings – were so afraid, and for what? The relief, the fear, the hope, all spur him into action.

He’s hungover, he’s in his pyjamas, but all the same he’s rushing towards his expensive, fuel-efficient car as fast as he can, because he has a fuckin’ wedding to stop.

6/7 Meanwhile, you’re stressed, mentally twisting into knots. Bakugou didn’t even read the messages you sent last night, which is both a relief (now you can just get married and move on) and a heart wrenching disappointment (because if you’re being honest with yourself, you were hoping he’d stop you).

You’re wearing an outfit you don’t really like, and your fiance’s family are beaming at you, although you don’t really know them so well. The venue is pleasant but not what you would’ve chosen for yourself. As you walk down the aisle, the band sounds kind of off. Your family and friends are… what? Grimacing? Smiling? Both Smimacing? You aren’t sure.

The ceremony passes in a kind of blur, and you go through the all motions. Mostly, you think of the messages you’d sent to Bakugou. You’d felt so courageous when you finally – finally! - confessed your feelings to him, so hopeful that maybe instead of replying, you’d hear a knock at your door, and he’d sweep you off your feet and- then hours had passed without a word, and you’d been left wondering. Conflicted, and unsure.

As you wait for your fiance to finish his vows (that he wrote himself, but sound like he stole them from a Pinterest board), however, you have a mild epiphany. Did it really matter so much if Bakugou loved you back? Sure, it’d break your heart, but one day you’d heal from it. Besides, he wouldn’t want to settle for some nobody! Bakugou was loyal to his friends, and he wanted the best for them, and that was one of the things you loved most about him! Surely, you owed it to both him, and more importantly, yourself, to put an end to this madness!!

You steel yourself as it gets to That Part of the wedding. The officiant turns to you, and asks if you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband. You face your fiance, and open your mouth to say “Actually…. I DON’T” when-

The doors slam open, and who’s standing there in a matching pair of pyjamas, still holding his car keys? It’s Bakugou, and you only have to lock eyes with him for him to shout – in true romcom fashion – ‘I FUCKIN’ OBJECT’.

7/7 Everyone’s stunned, although the guests on your side of the venue look more thrilled than scandalised.

In truth, I wouldn’t normally peg Bakugou as the “Objecting at a wedding” type, but in this scenario – when the two of you have been pining for so long, when he knows you’d appreciate the spectacle, when he gets to show up that nobody who wasted your time for so long – I think maybe he’d make an exception. Maybe he wouldn’t make some long, protracted speech about how much he loves you, but he MIGHT run to the alter full tilt, and tell you that you’re making a mistake. I do think MAYBE he’d hold out his hand to you, a silent question in his eyes, all while your fiance sputters and rants.

Idk, maybe you say something to the effect of “Looks like he beat me to the punch – I object, too :)”, tell your ex-fiance you’re sorry, but you can’t do this. PERHAPS – after all of the years of wondering, and stressing about whether Bakugou would reject you – you’d just quietly take his hand. And maybe to two of you would scamper off down the aisle to the raucous applause of your friends and family, get into his hatchback or w/e, and drive off into the sunset, certain in the knowledge that – yes, there would be ramifications to running off together like this, but that whatever might come your way you’d face it together! MAYBE.

Idk, I just feel like if he was going to confess his feelings for you after you’d already been engaged, it might be in the form of kissing the back of your hand, pulling off your cheap, shitty engagement ring, throwing it out of the car window, and going for a long drive so you two can finally Talk.

Listen, this really got away from me, and I’m so sorry for flooding your inbox like this. I was just really caught up in the scenario, and wanted to share it with you. Much love 💖

#brain sleepy but i love everything about this #so much #i love how easily you weaved in the feelings and the angst and us knowing in our gut what we really wanted !!#this is pretty much my exact answer/thought in response to that question !!! the kind of scenario i love !!!!!#tysm for sharing this with us WAAAAHHH #this is so lovely thank you thank you !!#✿ ask willow #✿ recs

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fiorella-a · 9 months

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Hey! I'm new here, thank you!

Honkai Star Rail boys as... "Cupid's Chokehold" lyrics (+scenarios?? Headcannons?? Mini fic?? Idk)

Info:

-Gn! Reader

-Fluff

Welt:

"Not much of a girlfriend

I never seem to get a lot"

"And I know it sounds so old

But cupid got me in a chokehold

And I'm afraid I might give in"

"And we can be on the phone for three hours

Not sayin' one word"

>> Welt's type would be: mature and patient, that is until you came along. You're reckless and if somebody talked bad about anyone you cared about, you'd be pulling out your weapon in no time. Welt could only sigh at your behavior but can't do anything about it because, well, you're you and he loves you. His soft spot is barely noticeable unless you've known Welt for a while (ehem Himeko, ehem Dan Heng, ehem March) then you'd definitely notice his presence shift and facial expressions soften. When you went to Jarilo-VI with the three youngsters, Welt would message you from time to time;

"Hi, good afternoon. As soon as you arrive at a hotel please notify me and don't call unless i say so."

"Stay safe, darling."

Sampo:

"This is gonna sound like a bad joke

But momma I fell in love again

It's safe to say I have a new girlfriend"

"She's got a smile that would make the most senile

Annoying old man bite his tongue"

"Call it dumb call it luck call it love or whatever you call it but

Everywhere I go I keep her picture in my wallet like here"

>> When Sampo first revealed it to the trio (he told them first before rubbing it into Gepard's face <33) that he has a girlfriend, they LAUGHED to the point their stomach actually started hurting and Dan Heng had to walk out. When Sampo revealed it was you, they started to side eye him like– "y/n? The person that helped us here in the underground??" "THE Y/N?!" "😲😲❓" Long story short: they approved of the relationship but if they see you upset, they immediately blame it on Sampo.

With your golden heart reputation along with the trailblazer, it's no use for other people to hide such thankful and wonderful feelings whenever you help them. Sampo would be smiling like an idiot if he sees someone who's usually in a bad mood talk to you with smiles in their faces and that's something he'll brag about.

Whenever Sampo would be involved in a fight, you bet he looks at your picture first before going in like a beast to fight, he could only wish that you'll brag about him too <3

Luocha:

"And I know you heard the last song about the girls that didn't last long

But I promise this is on a whole new plane

I can tell by the way she says my name"

>> When you first met, you pronounced is name as 'Loo-cha' instead of 'lao-cha' and you thought he was gonna make you carry the coffin he always has (💀) but he laughed it off and taught you how to pronounce his name. When you guys finally established a relationship, you'll find out that he took your phone and changed his own contact name into: "Loocha my beloved."

(Your contact name in his phone would be your name but all scrambled up with 'my beloved' at the end)

Jing Yuan:

"She's got eyes comparable to sunrise"

"She's got porcelain skin of course she's a ten"

>> This pretty 'lil General loves every part of you, especially your face. Why you might ask? Whenever he lays his head on your lap while you're eating on the floor, he can see the shine of the sun reflect into your eyes as if you're the human embodiment of the sun itself. Your skin? He loves it. Every scar, every stretch mark, every wound, every bruise, every scar, it's a ten for him. He wishes to be by your side while you heal physically and mentally.

Dan Heng and/or Imbibitor Lunae:

"She's got the cutest laugh I ever heard"

"when I start to build my future she's the main component"

>> He melts whenever you laugh, giggle or chuckle! Doesn't matter if you laugh like a horse or smth, he just finds himself smiling at you– you look so genuine and peaceful that he finds himself affected by the energy you're radiating and he's not planning on leaving.

One night, when he was about to sleep he sees you go into his room and he feels the kiss you gave onto his forehead before whispering quietly to yourself, "I'll be here, making sure you're safe and peacefully sleeping with no nightmares." He had a hard time faking to be asleep– hell even trying to sleep! All he can think about is you both together in the future, making sure each other is safe and that no harm would ruin both of your bond.

Gepard:

"I know I'm young but if I had to choose her or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun"

>> Absolutely loves your energy and personality. His sister, Serval once said, "What if Y/n's actually the descendant of the Sun God? They makes my 'lil Geppie warm and breaks the ice surrounding him!" She'd laugh at her own statement while Gepard would think about what she said, yes, your personality does seem so energetic and your eyes radiates of what looks and seems to be innocence. But he damn well knows that he'd rather have the ice on his heart melt rather than the ice on his planet melt, call him selfish but he's a fool inlove.

Blade:

"It's gonna be a long drive home but I know as soon as I arrive home

And I open the door take off my coat and throw my bag on the floor

She'll be back into my arms once more for sure"

>> Being a stellaron hunter is tiring, he wishes he could rest for all eternity but he can't. That was his mindset before you came, now it's all 'when I come home will they be in the shower? Or will they be on the couch, waiting for me?' Of course, you're on the couch and running back into his arms you go! You can tell him that he's all bloody and sweaty but he doesn't care, as long as you're willing to hug him, he has no problem changing the way he comes home.

Arlan:

"I love it when she calls my phone

She even got her very own ringtone"

>> Arlan has a default ringtone for everyone except Asta, Herta, and you. Whenever you call all you need is a second (maximum is 3 minutes) and he'll pick it up speaking with you using his gentle voice, you can almost feel his muscles relaxing at your voice.

Asta promised Arlan that she wouldn't tell his little secret but she spilled it to you by accident saying, "OH! Do you know Arlan memorized your ringtone? That's why he picks up so quickly!" You could only giggle at what she said.

Caelus:

"she even cooks me pancakes

And Alka Seltzer when my tummy aches

If that ain't love then I don't know what love is"

>> He Loves the way you care for him. It gives him a feeling of having a childhood or a feeling of once being young. If he gets sick, he always requests you to make him pancakes before taking his medicines and always waffles when he wakes up for breakfast. While you're cooking or feeding him, he looks at you with eyes full of love!

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invernom · 4 months

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For anyone interested in a weird fun lil personal update related to my personal gender experience & plural self-discovery, quasi-related to my coining the term graygender:

When I first tapped into my gender feelings and coined graygender to describe it, thinking about my gender gave me a feeling like floating deep underwater. It's why I went for a deep blue in the center of my first graygender pride flag.

In the years since, that experience changed, and the mental image my gender conjured up was a large, dark orb floating just above the ocean floor in deep, peaceful water. I couldn't explain why thinking about my gender returned the result of "a serene, if slightly ominous, undersea orb", it's just what came to mind whenever I thought about it. I'd even crack jokes about how odd it was!

(I also made a playlist of instrumental music that kinda matched the vibe it gave me. Might share it on here in future or smthing idk, since I really like it)

Anyways, in the past few years I very abruptly discovered I'm some kind of osdd system and the orb is another alter, who I've met and spoken to a couple times??!? And any alter that enters its nice lil watery space can only do so as a floating mote of light, that's just the rules.

But anyways it's a part of me that manipulates access to information & memories for the wellbeing of the system, while also still coming up whenever I (the always-fronting shell alter) think of my gender. The orb, so far as I know, doesn't have a name or gender of its own and doesn't seem particularly interested in them, and it/its pronouns feel most correct when referring to it.

I do have other alters with their own genders, which is still wild to me cause some of them just know they're a boy or a girl or nonbinary or something else right away, like it's obvious to them. But that's not my experience at all!! I had to muddle around figuring out what I felt, so it's quite interesting other parts of me are like "nah I already know".

But yeah anyways who else can say they've met their gender?? 😂

#the inverlife #graygender #greygender #gender experiences #personal #system stuff #osdd system #plurality #anyways just sharing this experience in case #someone out there might've gone through similar #or might find it interesting to read about it #osdd 1b

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imaginespazzi · 8 days

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Nivi – hey bestie, you’ve done it again – I wasn’t sure it could get more heartbreaking than the last one and yet!

As always, the writing is- well, it’s everything.

The parallels between high school them and college them was immaculate, and I so wish Paige could have fulfilled her dream of kissing Azzi under the confetti, but alas, maybe in another universe 😉

I loved the little exchange about UConn and California, and how that possibility was always there but Paige could just never accept it.

P and UConn winning the natty this year – it had to happen in at least one universe, so thank you for letting it happen in this one.

Side note: Drew and Paige interactions are always top tier, and very much the type of momentary fluff that I needed to break up the sadness while reading.

Side note 2: I love that I don’t even need to imagine what Azzi wearing Paige’s jersey would look like, but I’m glad ucla au Paige got to experience it too 🥹

The celebration with the team was so cute and of course it would be KK that basically helps break the ice (and her lil innocent “you should bring her around more often” 🥺). Also, all the little moments Az got with everyone else in the team was so wholesome, and ofc queen Nika being a loveable menace who’s always just looking out for her twin.

Side note 3: I love love love the two piggyback moments haha, just because that’s so pazzi core to me idk, I feel like there’s been a lot of photos where Azzi is piggybacking Paige irl, like that’s very much their thing so I adored seeing it incorporated here. But then, the ending. I knew it was coming, but it certainly did not make it hurt any less when we got there. “Fuck,” Paige’s voice is still wracked with sleep, “I thought you left.” “That’s more your style,” Azzi says – this was particularly heartbreaking, but I can’t really blame Azzi, even if P is trying so hard to make things right.

Overall, I may or may not have been tearing up throughout the entire chapter, and it somehow hit me even harder the second time I read through it? I think that’s just testament to your writing tbh.

Thoughts on what’s next:

Do things finally start getting better? It can’t get any worse, can it? (famous last words) 😅

I did wonder actually, whether you’d have them win or lose the natty, only because if they did win which obviously they did here (thank you), could that maybe change P’s mind at all on declaring or not?

I’m guessing she obviously sticks to her og decision and stays, and so I’m super intrigued on what might come next for them.

Like will they try going back to being just friends? Even though they’ve already tried and failed and knowing that would never be enough for Paige. But can they really not be in each other’s lives??

Will they try seeing other people again??

Summer’s coming up in the timeline and they’ve never spent an entire summer apart, so what will they do this summer? 😔 Or will we have a big time jump?

So many questions, and only you have the answers, Nivi.

Favourite lines/quotes:

The moon shines against Azzi’s face and Paige thinks that so much has changed, but Azzi’s still that kind of beautiful

“Do you know what my answer would have been?” “Yeah,” Azzi says softly, squeezing her hands, “yeah I do.”

Alternate lyrics that came to mind while reading:

Talk about our future like we had a clue. Never planned that one day, I'd be losing you.

In another life, I would be your girl. We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world.

Oh, and in honour of your love for Taylor, a Taylor lyric that came to mind was specifically this:

And I can go anywhere I want. Anywhere I want, just not home - mainly from the perspective of Paige getting almost everything she’s ever wanted, except the thing she wants most.

PS: I don’t really listen to Taylor’s music much anymore (nothing negative, just a shift in my music tastes these past couple of years!), but if there’s anything you think I should definitely give a listen to from her latest album, let me know!

As always, thank you for all you do for us. Have a wonderful weekend 💗

Much love, -🙋‍♀️

Hi bestie, one thing about me is that I will find a way to make it worse! 🤪

Thank you my sweets, it always means the world <3

I'm glad you caught that because I wanted to hint at the idea that it wasn't just a random decision of Azzi's part to choose UCLA and that she'd always been considering it.

If I can add Drew and Paige interactions, best believe I will find a way to do it. That's another relationship that's so precious to me.

Shoutout to the one anon who asked for Azzi to wear Paige's jersey in the universe as well because I took that and ran with it so I hope they liked it, because I liked their idea (come say hi!)

The team scene was one my favorites to write honestly, especially just in general KK is so fun to write because she's so fun and I need my chaotic family (Paige-Azzi-KK-Ice) to be a thing in every universe.

YES the piggybacks are just so Pazzi-core and I know this is an au but I like to take things from what we already know about them and just tweak it to keep some semblance of realism. Also piggyback are just really cute and Paige seems like the kind to beg literally anyone to carry her anyways

Things will get better because I actually don't know if they can get worse (actually they probably could but it might be hard to come back from lol) but things getting better is gonna take a lot

See if Paige changes her mind and declares, things become easy for them with her going to LA and I'm not in the business of making things easy for them lol

You think I have the answer to these question but truly what I write is just as much a mystery of where my inspiration will take to me as it is to you. So we'll see but we're on the ascent upwards, so no more other people lol!

I LOVE THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY SO MUCH!!

As for Taylor, the new album's pretty good babes if you wanna go listen! Lowkey a lot of the songs work pretty well with this fic lmao. But my favorites are loml and Fortnight I think.

Always love your detailed takes on the new parts and just seeing you in my inbox always makes me smile <3

#ask #fic talk #UCLA ANON LOML FR <3 #maybe i'll go start part 6 tonight and go back to being a good updater lol (don't trust me ever actually)

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bibbykins · 1 year

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Yo my love, how you doing? Moonlight reign has me on chokehold rn and I'm begging for more. I don't know if I can ask this because this might be treading the spoiler area but if I may ask, how soon we'll be seeing the rest of the boys getting obsessed with her? (no pressure tho) Also, I don't know if this has been asked but are the boys yandere for each other as well? Like what if Jungkook left them for the mc? Will they be unhinge? or idk, a normal breakup for what is normal for mafias? Oh, also will the moonlight mc be similar to bunny where she's lowkey yandere for her boys too? or will it be kind of "I have these boys who are dangerous and powerful and I don't really wanna be with them but they can go apeshit for me so I guess Imma stay" vibe?

Oh, also (lmao) if worst comes to worst, will the moonlight mc have the capability of killing or maybe harming jungkook? (imagine the angst tho) Another question (lmaoooo) this might be spoiler again so if you don't want to answer any of this, feel free. Can you give a little description of how unhinge each one of the boys (maybe in the near future for the mc?) Like who gets jealous easily? How do they get jealous? Who's going to be the shoot to kill just cause he got possessive? Or what will happen if (I'm talking when they're all obsessed with her) she just suddenly ghosted them (for fun I guess)?

Anyways, you've really one up yourself once again and I'm obsessed with every second of it. Hydrate yourself and have a great day! <3

Hiiii! Thank you so much for the sweet words and the questions ahhhh i love them!!

As for how long it'll be... I'll try to be as vague as I can but it won't be crazy long, but it also won't be all at once, you know. A medium burn, if you will.

The boys are yandere for each other lol. Jungkook's ideal life is MC joining the fray like yesterday. He would never leave them, but he was indeed dead serious when he said he would take his life if they killed MC. It's all or nothing for him. There is no breaking up for them, there's just time and space away and that's it. Their relationship is super out of whack and only open because they were basically broken up without breaking up. Physical connection with other people doesn't matter because they have their emotional connection no matter what. Naturally, MC is going to change all of that big time lol.

I'd say she would be kinda yandere for them yeah, similar to bunny she never experienced love like this, and she already finds Jungkook's attention addictive so they'll have the same effect on her. She's also never been protected before so she will want to return the favor. MC is sensitive but first and foremost she is extremely deadly so lol~

Also I would say nah MC doesn't have the stomach for harming Jungkook, but she likes to think she does. She likes to think she's just as cold and heartless as she was raised, but I think deep down she didn't run at first partially because she knew it would hurt her and Jungkook too much. I cannot stress enough how much he was all she had and I am just waiting for an excuse to write their flashbacks hehe

Also maybe a spoiler but its fun so I'll answer a lil under the cut: heed any and all yandere warnings, they're toxic and crazy and mafia au dudes so they kill. Also the descriptions only apply when they are fully in love with the MC, which not all of them are yet so keep that in mind.

MR fellas yandere types:

Jungkook:

-borderline delusional evidently lmao

-he loves with his whole being and is unapologetic about it

-obviously handles being ghosted extremely poorly, he lasted an afternoon basically before he went insane

-surprisingly the least jealous of them, but mostly because he's enough of a brat to divert attention back to him lmao

-will only kill if asked to or if there is a present threat

-how does it make you feel knowing he is the most sane? LMAO

Namjoon:

-stoic and uncaring on the outside but foaming at the mouth the moment she's out of sight basically

-has to know everything she is doing but is too emotionally stunted to just ask

-will send flowers or lunch and either not or forget to sign his name, yes he is embarrassed about it

-takes almost losing her to be less dumb about loving her ;)

-gets jealous only if someone touches her, is mostly okay with flirting because he knows she can't flirt back even if she wanted to rip no rizz MC

-is MC more fit to fight then he is? yes. Will he insist on being the one to fight her battles? absolutely lmao

-won't just kill someone right there he is a CEO he has a public image to protect

-cannot be ghosted he can control her bank account easy, his company owns it lmao

-he will make sure someone deals with it, and will make arrangments to personally do so if he feels so inclined (will melt if MC asks him to do literally anything)

Jin:

-this one is hard to elaborate on without spoilers so forgive my vagueness

-once in love, basically a puppy

-doesn't like to get his hands dirty, but will take great joy in doing it for her

-surprisingly jealous, and will insist that she is touching his hand, waist, anything while they're out together

-super difficult to ghost for reasons yet to be shared

-touchstarved. I'll leave that there for now~

Yoongi:

-also hard to say much without spoiling too much

-where Namjoon won't ask for every detail, he will

-will get manic if she doesn't text him back and assume the worst

-more protective than he is jealous, but is willing to just shoot and kill right there if need be

-has more restraint outwardly, but he will take drastic measures to keep MC around

-ghosting him is not an option, he is everywhere, and he will remind her until she caves

Hoseok:

-okay crazy stalker with a smile, go off

-clingy with a capital C, he wants her to live in his pocket just like Jungkook does

-jealous in a way that she doesn't pick up on lol, it's the smile that throws her off

-doesn't prefer to kill, but certainly not scared to

-will pretend she's not ghosting him and will camp outside of her door like it's normal

-seems the most normal, is definitely not

Taehyung:

-most obviously the most jealous

-his first interaction with her is indication enough, and he was being nice to her (in his eyes) so I promise he is so much more mean, especially when it eventually comes to her

-extremely protective

-will kill someone to prove his devotion, unprompted

-puppy but feral puppy who bites his leash off

-if ghosted, will bang on her door until she lets him in, regardless of the time

Jimin:

-guard dog, full stop

-territorial and jealous, but eager to please

-his job is fighting, he loves to do so on her behalf, it's like its his peacock moment

-loves to get some idiots blood cleaned off of him by her, he's so gross lol

-handles being ghosted the best, by default

-lasts two days max before he's straight up punching through the door with a smile on his face like nothing's wrong

-you know how villains will have some cat wrapped around their neck that looks evil? that's jimin. he's that cat.

#ask #moonlight reign ask #yandere bts

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badsalmonella · 7 months

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My hottest Camelot revival take is actually that when it comes to magic in the show I'm running on death of the author rules. Like I actually don't think Aaron Sorkin should have gone around saying magic is 1000% axed gone completely from the show and it's world, because when you actually watch the show I feel like it exists more ambiguously, and it's a belief that multiple characters hold to varying degrees. And I think the clashing of beliefs is interesting actually especially because how it slots into changes in the show. This is why I do not hate these changes and like idk maybeee you should HEAR ME OUTTTT

How going in with this sexy, sexy reading benefits me and might even benefit YOU. TODAY. RIGHT NOW:

-Any mean spirited jokes about the magic system feel a lot more like character moments. Important to note that Guinevere is the character who tends to go hardest on these types of comments, whereas Lancelot is completely devoid of them.

-Genny being the most cynical is a fun lil nod to her now cut line from Simple Joys of Maidenhood where she so easily ditches St. Genevieve when she doesn't feel like her prayers are being answered.

-Even more interesting is how Arthur seems to be somewhere in the middle on this. He thinks legends abt him slaying dragons, and this idea that Lancelot revived him from the dead is ridiculous because these are his lived experiences he knows that's not what happened. But he believes Merlin whom he holds in high regards could see the future. And he is constantly debating on what made the sword come out of the stone when he pulled on it. It's like he needs a reason. What can he say about him and his reign if it was completely random?

-Am I being cheesy if I say I think the conclusion he comes to at the end issss kind of sweet and feels like ohhh the magic??? Of humanity??? Yeah probably.

-Also as much as Arthur and Genny insist that Lancelot did zero resurrecting can we trust them??? It's played off as a joke but Pelly's got a point he WAS UNCONSCIOUS! HOW COULD HE 100% KNOW??? Perhapssss the truthhh is whatever the individual believes now!!! 🤔🤔🤔 perhapssss it's MYTHOLOGY BEING FORMED IN REALLL TIMEEE BABYYYY. ARTHUR CAN SAY WHAT HE WANTS THAT STORY IS LOW KEY OUT OF HIS HANDS NOW! Which looms over his whoooleee legacy

-Lancelot believes his virginity is tied to his miracle work and strength I just think you should put THAT in the toaster of your brain while watching ILYOIS

-this has ALWAYS existed in every version of Camelot but it feels really at home in this version where Lancelot still manages to fight off unreasonable amounts of men post Genny hook up, which now puts all his beliefs up for debate.

-side note when my friend pointed out that his miraculous acts of strength come out It's tied to a love for Genny (rescuing her) or love for Arthur (reviving him) I needed 10 business days to recover. Sequel post Camelot is bisexual you CANNOT CONVINCE ME OTHER WI

-sorry staying on topic

-Anyways important to note all these characters and their varying beliefs rarely have clear cut answers who's right and who's wrong

-except maybe Lancelot in that top point

-but is that due to lack of magic or just not knowing where it comes from???? 👀

-Guys is magic and religion and mythology true or real??? Or is it what we put in it??? Do we give it power when we believe it???? WAS THE ROUND TABLE AND CAMELOT EVER TRULY AS PERFECT AS THE TALES SAY OR IS THAT JUST SOMETHING WE HAVE TO TELL OURSELVES SO WE HAVE THE WANT TO STRIVE FOR GOOD??? IT'S WHAT WE TELL THE KIDDOS WHO WILL BE OUR FUTURE

-Guys Jordan Donica low key agrees with me. He's never had a bad take about Camelot ever. So like trust me fam.

-or maybe there's like a line or plot point I completely forgot about and someone will point it out in the replies and this whole house of cards will fall apart 😔 IDK thoughts??? Feelings???? Guys plz send food through the bars of my enclosure I need it I'm sooooo mentally stable I prommyyy 🥰

#I started this on my lunch break but I'm definitely bleeding into actual work time now guys I'm gonna shut up now but uhh #takes that would probably get me killed in a bar full of Arthurian lore stans but like alsoooo a hill I will die on soooo #shrug shrug shrug 2023 revival apologist diary entry #camelot musical

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spiteless-xo · 6 months

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TIFF

Omg. Thank you so much for TBAW.

I had the best time. And the tuesday group chats with @shepnicolo and @theragethatisdesire just made it even better.

I really enjoyed the story and the way you planted hints all along was amazing. I haven’t figured out yet what the one big hint was that you said you put in, but hopefully i will catch it while rereading. And i will reread. I might never have the words to properly express how much i admire your writing, but i do. I do so much. I cannot fathom how you mamnged to write 300k words and had the restrin to post it chapter by chapter, every week. But thank you.

Now that it’s over: I remember you mentioned in an ask that TBAW was inspired by a book series from the 2000s that you didn’t want to name because you thought it might spoil the ending. Can you tell me what series you meant? I have been dying to know ever since then.

!!! oh my god that’s so adorable i didnt know you guys had a lil group chat 😭🥰 that’s so cute

i’m glad you enjoyed it and good luck!! 🙊

ok, and this is going to sound so unhinged but BARE WITH ME!! the book series that inspired tbaw was……….. THE HUNGER GAMES

ok so. the thing that i like the most about thg’s love triangle is that it really isn’t a love triangle. each boy kinda represents a choice/path that katniss can make, where gale represents kinda staying in that same cycle of war and peeta represents change and peace. so katniss can’t be with gale if she wants peace and vise versa so whoever she “picks” ultimately is the person that represents how she wants her life/future to look.

and i really liked that!! so i wanted to incorporate that into tbaw. we can see now that it’s finished that eren represented change and forgiveness where jean is like “doing what you’re expected to do and life is inevitable so there’s no point trying to change”?? i feel like there’s a more concise word to use to explain that but it’s escaping me atm

reader has always been about change and forgiveness because that’s exactly how she treats jean. she’s constantly trying to change the dynamic of their relationship and forgiving him for not measuring up because she thinks he can change and be better.

but then, at the same time, she treats eren based on jean’s mindset. like oh, he’s just a fuckboy so all he wants is sex. he said we’re fuck buddies and doesn’t do relationships so i’m not even gonna CONSIDER that thought. so even though eren is actively changing in front of her, she’s stuck on that thought that “eren is who he is and he’ll never change”.

it’s only after she leaves and has the chance to think for herself that she realizes that what she’s looking for in jean (and how she ultimately wants to live her life) is what eren has always given her.

i hope that makes sense?? i was so scared of revealing that The Hunger Games inspired tbaw because i feel like eren really FEELS like peeta and jean FEELS like gale and i thought it would give away the ending but idk if that’s just my perception as the author.

#tiff.ask #tbaw.fic #aot #filunara

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youuuimeanmee · 1 year

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My ILY 219 Thoughts

When I first read this chapter on fastpass, my head was in mush the whole day, it feels like I've fallen in love. Even after today, 4 weeks later, I still can't put this chapter down. Everything was so intimate, it might be more intense than any romance media I've read so far. (I swear romance in slice-of-life genre is the best). With all that mush, there's also a silent dread in the back of my head, like, if tonight is the peak of Nolan's happiness since forever, what kind of pain and torture that awaits him in the future? Hhhahah let's stop thinking there.

1. I was pleasantly surprised when Nol was about to apologize to Shinae about the whole awkward-morphine-thing! I thought he's gonna use this opportunity to let her stay away from him, but nope. I forgot this is The Nolan Who-didn't-shy-away-from-Shinae-because-she's special Lochlainn. I should've known, despite the dread of loving (and losing) someone again, he also couldn't let her go easily.

2. The trio! YESS!! I was hoping they'd come! "How are you doing, stranger?" Damn right Shoushi, Nol hasn't introduce himself with his real name yet. "Oh shut up, let us have this!" Damn right Shinae. Just let them love you for God sake.

3. Awww that red blush! That crooked smile! It's the similar crooked smile Yeong-Gi had when Shinae gave him ointment for his scratch!

Nol really is touched by Shinae who doesn't give up on showing her care, despite him pushing her away many times 😭And Daww look at Lil Buddy on Nol's side ready to protect him!

4. Nol:

Also Shinae on ep 2, the first time she met Nol:

😏 Nice throwback Quim 😏

5. Soushi. "It's not like anyone's stealing my lunch money anymore." Is it because Soushi's high school is better than his junior high? Because he has friends who can kick ass now? Or because he kept receiving benefits for being Kousuke's spy? Kinda sus there. BUT! Since he finally realized just how severe Kousuke's relationship with Nol, I should trust him. Plus, Lil Buddy didn't attack him tonight! I trust Lil Buddy who trust Soushi.

6. DUCKIESS!!

If he wasn't impressed before because Dieter only described "Yeong-Gi," not "him," he definitely is now 😭 'Cause the boy who wondered where the duck is in the pond? Now that's Nolan. No wonder Nol is so touched 🥺

7. SoachRoach? Daww Soushi nooo :( I don't want you to consider yourself as a pest! Well, if being a pest means he won't leave Nol alone and continue to be his friend then I don't mind, but still-

8. The "I love you guys!" that Nol exclaimed at Dieter and Soushi, and the silent "I love you so much" that gaze straight into Shinae's eyes is *chef's kiss* 🤌🤌

9. "Shinae! Why are you standing so far away? You're a part of this group too!"

No Dieter, Shinae is a league on her own 😏

10. Haha, the "It's a Girl!" balloon that were changed into "It's a Gift!"? Nice save Shinae, real smooth. And oh, almost forgot. Fun fact, Quimchee said on her cc that if Nol were gonna have a child, he'd definitely want a daughter. Surprise surprise, the balloon Shinae brought on this ep is a gender reveal balloon, with "It's a Girl!" written on it. Quim, are you teasing us? Or is it a foreshadowing 🤣🤣

11. Ngl the panel where Nol is staring at his friends with red/pink sunrise and snowfall is soo pretty it's like shoujo manga. I'm soo sooftt 😭

12. Oh boy. That burger analogy he made is definitely dark. So his birthday is definitely:

1) getting stepped on by Hirahara; and

2) he found his birth/birthday leads to his mom's death/disappereance.

I really hope #2 is just some bs nonsense Yui has told him, but idk. Yui is the master of manipulation, some of what she said might contain some ugly truths, which, could be hard to counter :((

13. "Luck? Maybe bad luck..." Oi Nol, Shinae wouldn't know it was your birthday if it's not for the bible. You won't be able to celebrate your birthday in a good mood if it it's not for the bible. And you definitely wouldn't chase after Shinae in the first place if it's not for Nessa's letter in the bible. So it IS a good luck. How could you forget that?

14. Haha I knew she'd pick the orange! 🤣 But that doodle! I didn't expect her to do that but it's genius 🤣 And that message!

Not only it's a nod to Shinae's line when they first met (Humans suck), it's also the answer of his question earlier!

And it must mean so much to Nol cause, ugh, how do I explain it. For Nol who hate himself so much, hearing "you're a good person" might be a bit too much since it's hard to believe. But "you don't suck that much"? To me, at least, it's easier to take because it means Shinae acknowledged his downsides, but she accepts it anyway. Because she sees some good in him. Because he's special to her. For someone who were used to be told he's nothing? For someone who were told to disappear just a few hours ago by certain someone? That, UGHHH 😭😭

15. Oohh that tapping hand! I remember Nol said he knows how to do scales, so maybe he's playing imaginary piano in his head? Maybe he's reminiscing how his mom used to teach him christmas songs? Don't know if that's really the case but I thought it'll be a nice headcanon :) Shinae must've noticed how lost he is in his own world, so the way she brought him back using a finger dance, it's like she's saying "Don't go. Just look at me." 😭

16. The whole finger dance is so cute, but Nol's darken facee. It's like he's thinking, "Why do you think we can't dance? I don't care how much pain I'm in, I can dance with you. I want to." I swear, Nol's "take your shoes off" is much hotter than any "take off your clothes" from any ML in romance manga.

17. I see Yeong-Gi when I see one. With that smile, that happy remark, and that peek-a-boo? Definitely Yeong-Gi, alright. After he decided to live his life as Nolan, just this once, he wears his mask again to ease Shinae's worry, because he won't let her know alll the pain he felt (maybe I should write an analysis/theories about his motive in the future). He doesn't want to scare her, he wants to see her smile for as long as he could because By Gods he needs it. Their dance is like a sweet, silent goodbye, and they both know it.

18. Lastly, I wanna mention how good Quim is with gestures? Nol is holding only 2 fingers, like he still has a wall that says "I'm only asking you this as a friend. Not that I try to hit on you or anything." Almost like he's scared to invite her, afraid she might be scared of him.

But she's not. She accepted him with her full hand. Yet, he doesn't fully hold her hand because he's not ready to completely accept it, he's not ready to open up yet.

Despite all that, he holds what he can (Shinae's fingers) with all his might, because he's unable to let her go?

QUIMCHEEE 😭😭😭

I wanna write more but it's getting long and there's a pic limit, so I'll continue in another post! I'm gonna dump all my thoughts about what Nol might be thinking the moment he's alone with Shinae. Thank you for reading this far! 😆

#i love yoo #ily #webtoon #ily 219 #ily reaction #ily thoughts #nolan lochlainn #shin ae yoo #quimchee #ily meta #ily theory #i love yoo 219

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kaleidoscopic-quiddity · 5 months

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ok wait now i wanna talk abt weird/interesting things from my experience getting top surgery. ive seen other ppl talk abt some of these things b4 but not all of em

i thought my surgeon was gonna do the incision, like, underneath the curve of my tiddies?? he ended up kinda slicing thru the middle of them, so my scars run over the middle of my pecs, not underneath them

speaking of; ig my pecs are more developed than i thought since my chest isnt like perfectly flat but rather both my pecs have a layer of fat/flesh on them and i can feel the muscle underneath

also the dip/space inbetween from when i had tiddies looks p much exactly the same, my surgeon said sometimes it ends up buldging out and a revision is needed but thankfully that didnt happen to me

the discharge nurse let me know afterwards that my tits were 11 kilograms (right 6kg and left 5kg) like no fucking wonder i have back pain at the tender age of 19

so yknow how pain raises ur body temp and makes u sweat?? immediately upon waking up i was so warm and damp i told a nurse id soiled myself and needed a change of underwear, i hadnt! i was just really fucking sweaty lol

i also threw up twice after waking up (fortunately into containers both times), turns out anesthetic doesnt agree w/ me, also it was like a dark bottle green?? since id been fasting from the night b4 ig i was bringing up nothing but bile

pre-surgery they cldnt get the IV in my left hand and had to switch to my right and ig that made my heart rate pick up bc one of the asistants immediately came by my head and talked to me to calm me down, he was rlly nice :)

im p sure i conked out within seconds of them getting the IV in and starting up the anesthetic too, none of that 'count back from 10' shit, i took like 2 and a half deep breathes and was OUT

from a combination of the iodine and natural swelling/bruising my chest looked REALLY yellow for like 3 weeks after surgery

i got sent home the same day i got my surgery, they keep some ppl over night if theres complications but apparantly i was all good to go after resting in the post-op ward for few hours

speaking of, i woke up, puked, got some water, dicked around on tumblr, called my mum, took an 'i lived bitch' selfie, slept for a few hours, woke up, went on tumblr again, got dressed w/ some help from a nurse, pissed (by myself, woo!), and then got discharged

my scars are uneven! my left incision goes further under my armpit than my right one, and my scars vary in thickness, it actually looks kinda like ive got two scars on my left side bc it thins out so much in the middle for a few milimeters

my nipples are also a lil uneven and they ended up puckering up as they healed so i kinda looks like ive always got stiff nips oops, also theyre more brown than pink

apparantly that might be bc they took the nipple graft from my areaola bc they werent able to graft the actual nipple, idk ¯_(ツ)_/¯, obvi it doesnt look perfectly like a cis guy's nipples but i knew the chances of achieving that were relatively small + p dependent on how i healed so like im not too bothered by it

my surgeon used dissolvable stitches and one of em ended up poking out thru my scar a lil b4 it disolved, which was weird

showering w/ a plastic sandwich bag duct taped to ur chest so u dont get ur scars and nips wet is An Experience TM i'll tell u that

my scars stretched!! it happens!! esp if u raise ur arms, which u will inevitably have to do eventually, idk if they'll ever fade on their own or if i'll need scar revision treatment in the future but fortunately they didnt go keloid

my surgeon used what he called crosshatched stitching rather than drains so that saved me a lot of discomfort, i DID get a slight build up of like, i think around 40ish mls of fluid in my left side a few weeks after surgery, but my surgeon dealt w/ it by p much just poking it w/ a syringe and draining it out lol

which i didnt even feel him do at the time bc of the nerve damage lmao, which was weird asf since i could very much SEE him sticking the needle in but couldnt feel it at all

i regained my mobility like, straight away?? my surgeon said bc im young + relatively healthy it was likely that id bounce back from surgery quick but like,, i had none of the exhaustion, pain, or immobility ive seen ppl describe??

i couldnt lift my arms very high for a while obvi but like i was fine dressing myself and even washing my own hair if i just leaned over

having to sleep upright for a few weeks after surgery was v annoying since i usually rotate like a shawarma trying to find a comfy sleeping position

the post-op chest binder was sensory hell bc it was scratchy and it kept slipping down my back since it had no shoulder straps, also i accidentally bruised my ribs a lil bit by wearing it too tight oops, the fuckin relief i felt when they told me i cld stop wearing it

the post-op 'please wear these at all times so u dont get thrombosis' socks were p comfy tho, idk why they didnt cover my toes tho

regaining the sensation around ur scars is weird! my right side's been completely fine but ig bc my left scar is thicker + longer ive been getting some pain n tightness, its not a persistent issue or anything but its just kind weird bc ive never had any surgeries or major injuries to heal from before this one

u will have to get ur boobs felt up and examined probaby multiple times b4 surgery, this will feel very different from touching ur own boobs and, in my case, was ticklish??

my posture has improved somewhat since getting top surgey, what not having 11kg of weight hanging off ur chest and compressing it in towards ur ribs/spine for roughly 9 hours a day will do to a mf ig

#ftm #transgender #top surgery #og post //#uuuh fine to rb ig lol

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jeglly-bean · 2 months

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could i ask a bit more about the jade & prospit designations for maruki? i'd found purple & derse to be very telling but i haven't looked at the lists in a while shdjfkgky

minus the 2 points about "dryly macabre" fatalism and "will say out loud what everyone else was thinking" (he tends to hide what he thinks), i say every other sentence really, REALLY with what maruki is like (shibusawa even calling him the most stubborn man in the world).

he's deeply workaholic, will NOT stray from the path he has in mind, and only opened up to why he was really doing all of this to joker in rank 9 (slow to trust). deep down he knew his dream was out of reach but still tried anyways..... not to mention we had like 5 separate bossfight phases around 1) his mind being very difficult to change, and 2) trouble admitting he's mistaken and upset. "strictly monogamous & fiercely devoted" is a given, thinking about anybody besides rumi is impossible for him

(also i wanted to give screenshots as evidence for all these points, but the post would be horrendously long lmao). and of course the derse one is also debatable, but "so much of their identity is built on control" feels like a deadringer idk ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"rebellion is in their blood" might seem a lil weird at first glance considering he's closer to *imposing* some kinda dictatorship over toppling one, but it just reminds me how from his POV he's "rebelling" against the cruelties deemed acceptable by society (enough to manifest a rebellion outfit like the rest of the PT in the metaverse)

"constantly look towards the future & analyze the past" is also very prevalent with his lofty plans for utopia and his treasure literally being the newspaper of rumi's parents dying (he cannot get over the past, it infests his every thought). throughout his confidant it's incredible how often his insecurities are quickly covered up with self-deprecation, tangents about work, etc. (again, so many screenshots but they aren't worth the length lol)

and of course the "one true path he sees" amongst all the wrong ones is the path he tries to impose on everyone else! at the end of the day hope is 10/10 his aspect i gotta agree tho, absolute bang-on. and since i'm frankly horrendous at designating classes i think whatever u said about sylph probably works??? he's definitely likely to botch up whatever healing he tries to do tho, so rip him i guess lmao

~~~

I totally see where you're coming from tbh. Personally, it didn't feel right making any of the thieves any higher on the hemospectrum than Haru being an indigo, as being a highblood comes with a certain degree of social power, even if the system still oppresses them in some way. While I still believe Maruki is jade, him being purple makes an equal amount of sense given your explanation. You could even go further by stating his minor rewriting of cognitions early on could be a form of reverse chucklevoodoos. The more I think about it, the more purple maruki seems like a reverse dirk strider to me, which is as horrifying as it is hilarious. It could really go either way, but if I were to write a session, I'd still probably keep maruki as a middle-of-the road jadeblood.

#submission #milky talks #homestuck #persona 5 #takuto maruki

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baylardo · 11 months

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Tardi had me heckin BRAINWORMIN over future threshold au kid stuff mainly surrounding that amelia arc hohgohhioioigh REALLY MESSY THOUGHTS IM EXPANDING ON FROM MY BULLETED THOUGHTS THIS MORNING HAHA. THIS IS GONNA BE RLLY LONG IM PROBABLY GONNA JUST COPY AND PASTE SOME THINGS FROM OUR CONVO LOLOL

in re: what philippa is doing prior to the arc: just lil science missions. i wanna say shes done some triage before, so shes probably been in a warzone as a field medic by this point. i dont think shed be necessarily choosing short term missions for the sake of hearing news about her sister, i think shed do what shes assigned? (not really sure how it works tbH) and its more of an intuitive feeling just kinda eating at her. I DONT HAVE A NAME FOR THE SHIP(s), nothing too important or flashy. i dont think shed work on galaxy class or w/e the family ships are.

in re: time duration of things in general for the arc???: current influencers are like:::::::: its not enough time to where starfleet's concerned to go look for them in the DQ, but they havent contacted starfleet in a while (maybe the mission called for "comm silence") but regardless, it doesnt sit well with philippa. it also has to be enough time for amelia's ship to like, get out to the DQ for their mission, for things to go wrong, for her to take charge, for the ship to MAYBE??? be destroyed (hmmm put a pin here maybe theyll need the ship to transport crew……), for the crew to get separated/captured/enslaved/killed, for amelia to try and survive on her own, for her to get captured by the Kazon and eventually rise in status to command alongside Sessen,,,, develop their friendship,,,,, they seem a little friendship platonic with benefits to me,,, might change my mind on that idk. ANYWAY enough time for their Kazon sect to fall apart/be defeated, sessen to die, have a few months of amelia nomadically wandering the DQ again and be slightly pregnant (can be four months, can be less if u wanna heck w/ gestation) my brain wants to guess around a year???, just cuz i dont wanna waste too much time on this arc when i gotta shove philippa into command track and CAPTAIN. and it'd be like another year of philippa searching for her by the time theyre reunited.

Maje name for Amelia? not sure if id wanna do that or not, seems like something she'd adopt and then disinherit when she loses everything she built with the Kazon sect her and Sessen were in

Jace was the only one philippa confided in about leaving to go find her sister. given she's an experimental shuttle test pilot we were thinking she'd help Philippa steal a confidential secret spacecraft Starfleet's been making. :) Not super sure what all is quirky and secret and special about it rn but ITS SOMETHIN.

Not super sure what happens to the rest of Amelia’s starship crew? If any of them are found, how do they get home? PUTTING A PIN IN THAT ONE, i see a few possibilities but nothing super uuuuuh Solid haha. YEAH I DONT KNOW HOW EXACTLY IM GONNA GO ABOUT THE CREW,,,,, but i figure thats probably A GOAL TO HAVE. i figure for sure amelia's captain is dead and it put her in that command position and she didnt like it and everything went amuck under her leadership blah blah blah i was thinking like, maybe if philippa has this experimental spacecraft this whole time, maybe she ends up using that, giving it to the crew to get home at some point,,,, but IM NOT SURE, seems like things could get overpopulated rather quickly, i also figure a lot of them are dead,,,,,,,,,,,,, id have to think about what weird quirky dangerous things you could do with a classified starfleet ship. ANOTHER IDEA is that maybe Amelia's crew's starship is crashlanded somewhere, and like, its abandoned, but as Philippa and Ed find more crew members, they start getting more and more people to work on repairing the ship??? maybe they use the lil craft Philippa stole to get around, but most of them are on this crummy planet working on the ship while Philippa and Ed are out searching for more of them??? i dunno haha.

in re: how Ed meets up with Philippa out in the DQ: one idea id had was maybe theyd meet in an alien bazaar or something, Philippa getting into trouble because shes secretly carrying a starfleet comm badge to communicate and gets captured or something bc the locals hate Voyager, Ed gets her out and they escape together.

Amelia finding out she’s pregnant while she’s still with the Kazon and Sessen, just ‘cause I think they’d talk about raising baby by Kazon standards and tradition and talk about the importance of names. I think "Sessen" would have been the name Seska gave him when he was born and then he kept it rather than earning an adult name for himself, Amelia has a weird history with her name as well. She’s nervous about raising their son here, but buries those fears underneath the assurance that they’re together.

I was thinking that in the time after Amelia loses Sessen and escapes the other Kazon sects and everything that she'd kinda just drift from place to place trying to survive making ends meet doing weird jobs and trying to stay hidden. Philippa and Ed find Amelia temporarily living on a planet or in a cluster of asteroids as a space racer maybe? She’s like a little visibly preggers…

philippa midwifing for her sister as a field medic who hasnt delivered a baby but she like Kinda knows what shes doing

Maybe they have to find the rest of the lost crew, takes long enough for Amelia to have her baby and Philippa to midwife and everything?

i was yearning thinking about how likeeee theyd still be mad at each other over what all has transpired and probably are fighting while Amelia's like mid-labor lol. she has a weird lil alien boy that kathryn ends up ADORING and smothering a lot as his grandmother haha. im not really sure how it would transpire,,,, but its got me pondering today if maybe philippa convinces her to come home bc of her lil babyyyy,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, like theyre out in the delta quadrant and they both have their own little damages and hurts from their shared childhood spent out in this here and just being like "this is no place to raise a child, this isnt our home" or SOMETHING but IM NOT SURE ON THAT ONE only cuz obviously ppl DO raise their kids in the DQ lololol,,,,,,,,,,, PUT A PIN IN IT

Amelia's baby name Sekh? Maybe Sek… dont want anything directly connected to Amelia's family.

in re: how old they all are during this arc lmao::::: idk how early you can make lieutenant commander tbH id revolve this whole plot realistically around that bc my current idea has it that its her first time "commanding" a ship and things go badly and she chooses to remain lost and not try and find a way home.

Amelia still wears her “war trophy” feathers, maybe one of them is Sessen’s

in re: Ed's thoughts about Suspiria dying::: i think Ed has a very unique perspective on life and death, going around studying other cultures' religions, i think both him and her would have an understanding and acceptance of things by the end of their time together. like suspiria's EFFECTIVELY the last of her kind; string theory ends with all of the Nacene "ascending" and Suspiria is presumed dead so shes not there the entire book. and LIKE, my idea with that is just that shes unknowingly searching for her people to no avail the whole time. :^) anyway Ed and Suspiria's WHOLE THING is finding weird little alien short term solutions to help keep Suspiria alive so she can return and replenish herself in the nacene realm Exosia,,, which unbeknownst to her is impossible now hohoho :3c I DIGRESS THOUGH ed's perspective on it likeeeeee i think he'd miss her but also be happy for her in a weird way that she was finally ready to move on from grasping onto life and all that. :^) dark kermit me wants to have her die protecting/saving Amelia's hypothetical baby boy but I DUNNOOOOOOOO hehe :3

Philippa and Amelia inevitably returning home to Starfleet with the remaining crew members of Amelia’s ship. Starfleet pardons Philippa for stealing a classified experimental shuttle (that Jace helped her steal) maybe Amelia (and Philippa?) is/are offered a promotion? Amelia ends up declining and resigning from Starfleet, maybe Philippa gets promoted to Lieutenant? Starfleet presumes it was more of Amelia’s doing in getting her crew home. :( Amelia corrects the error :)

#I RAN OUT OF CHARACTERS HAHA I DIDNT KNOW U COULD DO THAT HDJKHFDJKDF #threshold au #imma reblog this with more PENSIVE U____U not much more tho

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starry-knight-coffins · 1 year

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Kni's silly lil 6 month anniversary for "Leona Crossing" event!!!!

Phew, that's a long title

Hi!!! Hello!!! Recently my current (very long) fic, Leona crossing: new Shroud horizons, reached its 6th month anniversary!!! It did this month on the 23rd, in fact! I posted it for the first time on September 23rd of last year, so... Yay! Half anniversary event!!! I think!!! I'm gonna blab a little bit more under the cut hehe, including the event details👍✌️

So.

Welcome to the rest of this post, glad to have you here! Writing is my passion, but before I started writing Leona crossing, I was in a huge rut. An endless writer's block. I had a bit of a tumble (or perhaps a hard fall) during the end of 2021, which lead me to writing nearly nothing in 2022... This lead to the deterioration and dust collecting of my writing skills. I discovered twisted wonderland in 2022, and eventually found leoide and fell in love. I joked lightly back then, asking if I should write fanfiction. Someone said "why not?". Then I really sat there. Thought about it. Why not? I threw a few ideas around, sat down, and wrote the first chapter of Leona crossing soon after. I thank my barrel comrade and beta for supporting me through this sudden change in writing from my oc works to straight up fanfiction lol. So, tada, Leona crossing was born, and slowly but surely I got out of my rut. And I'm writing again. I'm really proud. This is half a celebration of Leona crossing, but also half a celebration that I've been writing for 6 months without hesitation and without anything to stop me again. It's a really nice feeling, I'm really happy I took that scary leap of faith and started writing my first ever fanfiction, it had lead to plenty of wonderful things!

Anyway, that's enough about me. Here's some event details

Event stuff yeah!

It's not anything super big lol.

Basically, it's just a small ask event. Go to my ask box, send me and ask! It can be like, a comment or a question, either or, anything works. The only requirement is that your ask is related to Leona crossing, leoide, or Savanaclaw and Ignihyde (plus cheka and family if you so choose lol). If you ask me about anything else I might start weeping at your feet. Also, please mention that your ask is related to this event!! Why??

I'm holding a raffle!!!

Yes, a raffle!! Send me an ask and you could be the winner of a ~1k leoide drabble of YOUR choice! Isn't that cool or what?! Idk, it's all I had for silly raffle ideas.

Raffle details

Send ask!

If not in anon, your name gets put into a raffle!

You make a Kni happy

Profit (?)

That's basically it yeah. You can send multiple asks, but your name will only be counted once. I don't want to do that kind of math, math is hard. Please also have your DMs open so I can message you if you win as well??? Lol???

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this far! This little event means a lot to me, and I'm very thankful for each and every one of you for the nice little support during my writing journey! It has been a leoide blast for sure lol, I haven't written this much in a long, long time.

I'm gonna open this event from now until Friday of next week (May 5th), then I'll do the random drawing over the weekend lol.

Have a good day/night y'all!! I hope you'll keep cheering me on as I continue my leoide delusions in the future!!!

#Leona crossing: half anniversary!

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metukika · 1 year

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ok you needing a second to understand that tumbel in tumblr saved me from my embarrassment for having misread your message xD hell yeah haha

maybe you could write us a lil post about your favorite character & why they are that :D (soz for not doin it myself i‘m not feeling like putting anything out there today)

and don‘t decide that you won‘t ever contribute to a bigger project that touches people yet !!!!!! YOU‘RE SO YOUNG you‘ve got the whole world waiting for you and you‘re ALREADY so good at art though. your art is already touching people, no reason why that shouldn‘t work if you should ever work with others on a bigger project!!! GET OUT THEREEE i mean also take your time but IF YOU WANT THAT ABSOLUTELY SHOOT YOUR SHOT KEEP YOUR EYES OPEN FOR OPPORTUNITIES i‘d personally love to see your work in something bigger :D nothing‘s set in stone <3 <3 <3 !!!

aww thank you so much anon! idk who you are but youre so kind to me... thats so nice!

about the whole future thing... i know i have a lot of time but i think because of some stuff coming up soon (when i leave school) im stressed about the future and my decisions in it entirely. idk what im gonna do if i need to go to the military lol like what job to take... i havent started driving and i dont understand shit about all the other stuff thats attached with going to the military im just stressed in general. i dont wanna end up staying in my parents house forever ig.

but i have a lot of time and i know that even if my connection with my friends fade away when they get recruited (which is... also something that could happen... oh god i dunno how to make irl friends) i still have my family, and probably the online world too. if i open commissions im pretty sure id get some work, but i dont think i could do that too much cuz i hate drawing things i dont wanna draw.

but, again, who knows what will happen. ill be fine haha, especially if there are people like you who care enough to write messages like these. most of my online friends are from twt so its always nice to see a tumblr fan <3 thank you anon.

(im realizing how depressed this is all making me sound like i promise its just my school hammering in the importance of the military signs up like i dont even know what part of the mess ill be in most of the time theyre teaching shit that doesnt concern me. im okay, im not dying!!)

now to actually talk about my favorite character! woohoo! happy topic change!

for the two people who read this and the one thats actually gonna read till the end, im putting a cut so this isnt annoying on ur dash (note to anon: this post is so so fucking long i know u prob asked me my fav character to cheer me up but dont force urself to read this whole thing just to be polite lmaooo but id appreciate it if anyone did cuz holy shit)

something that ive realized a while back is that usually when it comes to favorite characters of media, i have a type.

when i made this the character i had in mind where souda (danganronpa), aiura (saiki k) and teru (mp100).

after making the tweet i also thought of denji (csm) who fits right in, and also bakugou (mha) who doesnt, but he looks like half of the characters i did mention lol.

i think the whole social but nice thing came to because of all those shows and stories where the popular kid in school is the mean bully.. maybe i dislike this trope cuz i havent personally experienced any kind of bullying in my school, even as an observer so i cant relate to the experience of having this type of antagonist. the worst it ever got for me was when in fifth grade a girl made fun of me for crying and no one laughed. (shes still in my class over six years later and shes really nice not ufhduh were not friends but were friendly and i dont hold a grudge). maybe its just cuz im wholesome so i dislike any type of negative character. maybe.

that might sound stupid cuz i said i like bakugou, who i used to think of constantly, like for the entirety of 2021 he was in my mind it was annoying. but idk man not all my favs fit into this category ((shinguuji, saihara, yuuko, tweek (who also looks like them! what the fuck!) yuudai from sakana (why are they all blond?!? and men. more female characters what the fuck) barf bag (yes im an object show fan good morning)))

anyways. i like the popular but nice trope is what im saying. why are they all simps? i dont know honestly only one of the characters that i mentioned at the start is simping for someone i ship them with (terumob) (but the reason i even like teru in the first place might be cuz i saw terumob art, thought it was cute, and decided to search more art. i do that with a lot of characters when i dont watch the show (from the original list ive watched all of saiki k, watched playthroughs of the first 2 dr games, watched like a season of mp100 years ago and watched like 2 seasons of mha even before that. i get my filling of plot and character from meme videos, fanart, and fanfics. i understand enough.) and i get hooked on the ship (more examples include akiangel, kiribaku and the two gay boys from evangelion. a lot of homo happening. also whatever the fic version of this is but with denji and yoshida).

about the simping and the bakugou being mean-- i accept my character's flaws!!! i dont erase them!!! bakugou is an asshole and thats why i wanna see him get punished and learn from his mistakes, even if its a little hard! a great fic where this happens (but isnt the main storyline) is quirk: knife! which is probably my favorite non ship heavy fic, check it out!

my fav characters have flaws but just like how you need to embrace flaws in the people you love, whether that means helping them get better or accepting them, i embrace these flaws cuz it makes them who they are! souda, denji and auira wouldnt be themselves if they werent pushing the lines with their crushes and idk what the fuck bakugou would be if he wasnt what he was.

alright lets actually start talking about my favorite character now.

so, right now, my favorite character of all time is-- ding ding ding-- kazuichi souda! who i already mentioned.

look at him! idk if the one and a half people who are reading this know him, but if u know denji, who is a more popular character atm, then imagine that but more wimpy.

the first time i encountered this character i was watching game grump's playthrough of the second game. i watched their first and enjoyed it but didnt really join the fandom. i didnt know anything about the second so i was going in blind like arin and dan, so theres a chance that whatever i thought about the characters was biased and connected to how they feel.

at first i really liked his design. a lot of the characters have small and complicated details but souda is probably the most simple design, not including hinata, but unlike him souda has a lot of bright colors that draw the eye in! i dont particularly prefer designs with sharp teeth but i think its a pretty nice quirk, since its another part of him that makes him look intimidating. theres a headcanon that he filed themselves but i honestly think he wouldnt do that, and prefer the headcanon that its genetic, even if it makes less sense. but danganronpa, and their designs, dont make sense. i think these little strange quirks are better when they arent thoughtout or have reason. he has sharp teeth becuz. just cuz.

if u dont know what happens in the game im just gonna say that the plot doesnt really matter, cuz really the only growth souda experiences is with his relationship to hinata (the main character) and his trust to his survivor friends that makes him stronger and convinces him to leave the virtual reality. im not gonna be talking about the plot in detail. i also havent watched the anime so im not gonna get into whatever he does there. i do know that he makes some cute faces in it, which is pretty awesome.

but, yeah, besides his design, at the start i truthfully didnt really like him lmaooo he was kind of stalkerish towards sonia (ill prob get into their relationship later), he is also a wimp but honestly... i get it hes stuck in a killing game i would be scared of anything too. i feel like of all of the cast, from all the games, souda is probably one of the best depictions of an actual teenager that might exist. of course he has his obnoxious moments, but in a way that a dumb teenager would have. i dont know when i started liking him, maybe after discovering soudam? hmm.

kazuichi is the ultimate mechanic, which is one of the talents in the game that actually gets used? he makes the communicators in chap 3 and fixes the elevator in chap 4. besides that, he is also important to the second chapter since he helped tie up komaeda and he also brought hinata to the diner, though that has nothing to do with his talent.

he learned to be a great mechanic from working at his dad's repair shop or garage or whatever its called. its mentioned that their family is pretty poor, and i think the concept of a character being at one point or another un-wealthy pretty interesting (did that come strange? sorry). he worked to help get their family money he is a good boy, he mentions being better than his dad too. he doesnt look like the typical mechanic, except from the greasy hair and jumpsuit (im talking specifically about his color scheme) and thats another one of those quirks that make no sense but i just like haha

speaking of his parents, lets talk about a popular headcanon that fans have of souda's dad (before we start i wanna state that my opinion on this topic and the topic of souda relationship towards sonia and his trust issues were all stem from an analysis video of him on youtube, if u know u know, so if i want someone more competent talking about it go there, but if u dont care enough to research it or ure only reading because u like me and wanna hear me talk about something i care about dw im gonna go into detail about these anyways

the hc is that souda's dad physically abuses him. i wanna talk about why dont agree (if u wanna skip this part ill put *** when it ends so just go there <3). this hc stems from a story he tells hinata in one of the free time events where he didnt go to his previous school trips because he wanted to save money for his family, even though he really wanted to go, and he says something along the lines of how his dad "beat the crap outta him" when he didnt go.

do i think his dad hit him? probably. i dont really know how common this type of discipline is in japan, or in places with more un-wealthy people so this might be normal to them. does that make that okay? obviously not. but if the only example we get for him hitting souda is after souda does something good for the family in his own expense, it wont make sense for his father to be mad about it, right? i think he was upset his son had to give up his happiness for them, even if it was to save money. the analysis vid said it might be souda just using more dramatized words for it. He was hesitant to tell hinata that he was picked on at school, i dont think hed just admit to being abused so casually. i think his dad might have smacked him from time to time when he was younger but probably stopped the more souda grew up. if his dad really hated him he wouldnt beat him after doing something that would benefit the dad, is what im saying.

also i think that the way souda acts doesnt reflect someone who would be regularly abused... its not like im an expert, but if we for example look at tsumiki, who was canonically abused and bullied regularly, we can see a great difference. yes, souda tends to be caught off guard or scared of stuff, but usually its less of other people and more about the situation around him. he was scared of monokuma and the monobeasts and the morning after the killing gama announcement. he's also generally not that apologist about his stupid behavior... for example he doesnt feel remorse for tying up komaeda, and even threatens to tie up kuzuryuu too. i also think he said something about wanting to punch one of the other guys? this might be cuz he tends to blurt out his thoughts stupidly and doesnt know how to hold his tongue (something that, if he was abused, would probably get him in trouble) but he never recoils from what he said. he whines about being judged, like after letting slip that he was thinking of sonia in a creepy way, but he never goes back and is afraid that someone might punish him or hurt him. like how tsumiki apologizes for the smallest thing at claims that she'll take any punishment.

it might also be because i generally dont like hcing characters with abusive parents haha. i know for a lot of characters its a part of what makes them who they are, but if thats not the case i feel like its always to excuse the character from some frowned upon trait they have.

its a bit difficult to explain so ill take an example from a different character from a different show. todoroki from mha was abused as a child, and its a part of what makes him him, and its a big part of his character, even if hes not in that situation anymore. i wont deny it. now, theres a hc that some people like to believe about bakugou's parents, specifically his mom, being abusive. this isnt canon. first of all everyone is entitled to hc what they want but a lot of the time i feel this is a way to explain his asshole behavior (also i just love mitsuki). i dont like excusing his fucked up actions and blaming his parents. i think that him being an asshole from the ideals that he himself made is kind of what made him interesting. he believes in what he learned from his own experiences that he and only he had. his stupid child thinking made him the gross person he is, and thats way more interesting than blaming his parents' behavior, like we can do with reason in todoroki's case. todoroki acts antagonistic at the start of the show because of the pressure his dad put on him.

now going back to souda, by making his dad abusive a lot of people linked that to him being a creep towards sonia. while i do see how his parents and their expectations might be a motivator, i prefer to blame souda himself for his wrong actions. i dont want to excuse his actions like that. its more interesting to see him grow from the ideals and reasonings he made himself.

***

now let's talk about his relationship with hinata! woo!

canonically, hinata is the person souda is closes to in the game, even though most of the time hinata is just tolerating his stupid behavior. except in his free time events maybe. their relationship is probably the biggest character development souda gets.

lets talk about his past a little more.

souda tells hinata that he used to be picked on for looking like a nerd. he had black hair (but i hc it more like dark brown, because reminder this is a post gushing about my fav character first and an canalization second), brown eyes (in hc world dull pale brown cuz a lot of the char's eyes are dull and pale colored) and glasses (hc: thin and rectangle shaped). he's not really a nerd... except that he's probably good at math and that type of things, since he builds machines and all. if i remember correctly, he says his bullied got away with what they did because he tends to be naive and trusts too easily. he was also used by his best friend that cheated off of his test, blamed souda for it (which he didnt really mind, showcasing how much not a nerd he is if he doesnt care about his studying and tests like that) and then kinda ghosted after feeling bad. but at the time souda was really heartbroken and felt betrayed, this whole situation gave him trust issues because that his naive heart cant tell when someone really wants to be his friend or if they'll drop him when they dont need him anymore.

souda and hinata start off being friends because souda didnt like any of the other guys enough (fair enough, hinata is the most normal one lol) and he tolerated him enough to go to the diner on the second island to spy on the girls with him. at the time kuzuryuu was still an asshole to everyone, but the two do get friendlier after the second trial (survivor boys bff agenda. i did say "bff coded" didnt i?)

souda tells hinata that after his ex best friend left him, he kinda went through something-- he dyed his hair, put in contacts, and pierced his ears (which i like to think was really scare to him) (and i assume this is when he started to wear bright colors, but i like to think he was always a fan of them (aiura and teru kinnie)) to make himself more intimidating (like i said in the list! remember the list?!) so that he wont be picked on. i assume the bullying he experienced was more emotional that physical, and he was probably called names for his nerdy appearance and was made to do tasks for toxic friends and somethings like that. tsumiki was physically bullied and she has bandages all over her design while souda rolls up all his sleeves and has his collar bone exposed while there is no marks on him. maybe he's have some scars from beginner's mechanical mistakes but thats hc territory.

anyways, because of his appearance change, he got some attention from flirtations girls and said that it had intimidated him. i imagine that while he was in his nerd looking mode, he didnt get much attention from the other sex so when they only started approaching him with the assumption he's some punk badass, that was probably a bit overwhelming for him and thats why he has a strained relationship with the female sex. he does kind of sexualize the girls, specifically in the second chapter, but honestly its not really that bad. it kind of even feels a little forced, like he said nanami had "huge jugs" and wonders if this "is what moe gap is" or something like that but he doesnt even say anything about wanting her lmao. the only girl he really shows any interest is sonia, and he mostly gushes about her beauty, instead of her body. not that thats really any better ofc.

he does get along with some of the girls or at least acts normal and not incel-y towards them, like whenever he's angry at saionji, when he felt awkward next to tsumiki or when he made minimaru for owari (though he did mainly do that to impress sonia). when alter ego enoshima suggest putting him between her boobs or whatever batshit crap she said he just yelled he's get crushed, so like. good for him for not being toooo bad. so yeah i do think there are reasons why souda's best friend woudlnt be a girl (for now, at least) and thats why it really is hinata.

and while hinata has other friends, his and souda's connection is special <3 some examples: he is friends with nanami, but they dont really get each other, or at least hinata doesn't feel too connected at her at times cuz shes like a robot and doesnt really get emotions to the full extent. canonically, his and komaeda's relationship is just not... bros, yknow? whatever it is its not "bros". he and souda are bros. i know that he and kuzuryuu consider each other brothers but i feel like while the friendship they have is great, hinata would be more comfortable just letting loose and being stupid with souda. they could connect by being stupid together and distracting one another from the bad in the world by being fun. cuz souda can be fun when he isnt stressed.

but since souda is an emotional character (i dunno if i mentioned this, if u didnt know souda beforehand hes emotional as shit and cries constantly, my beloved) they can get close the two of them emotionally and are empathetic enough to be able to comfort each other. that is, when souda trusts his enough to do that.

thats right. as much as id like to say souda is loyal like a dog, he doesnt really show that in the game lol. because of his experience with his ex friend, souda has trust issues, which i think i already touched upon (idk this is so fucking long im tryna go thru this one topic at a time but good god) and these issues come up in his and hinata's relationship, mainly chap 4. to put it simply cuz honestly the plot doesnt really matter in this context: souda suspects hinata to be a traitor, and because in chap 4 the characters are not allowed to eat, this probably makes him more stressed and causes him to think even more rationally. after the chap is over, in souda's last free time event, he invites hinata to the beach and order him to punch himself.

his actions are really silly here, but basically: hinata shows in souda trust, which makes souda feel like a bad friend, because he couldnt bring himself to trust hinata even though hinata didnt do anything wrong. he feels that their friendship is unfair and that he's the cause of this problem. so i guess he knows he'll get into an argument or a fight because of it, or maybe he wants to give hinata a reason to not trust him so he bring hinata to the beach so they could fist fight. but souda doesnt like to harm people cuz soda is a good boy tm so he asks hinata to do the work for him (which he does not do lol. they communicate and talk like normal friends). this is where souda tells hinata about his past being bullied, after in the last free time event hinata said he could see souda hanging out with the cool kids, so this is where he confides that hes not a cool kid. anyways souda comes to the conclusion that hes more scared of being a bad friend and a coward because of his trust issued that actually being betrayed, and tells hinata that he'll trust him. hooray!

in my mind they are suchhhh good friends. i dont mind shipping souda with a lot of the characters, but it think their friendship is the most important to me. i love them!

now lets get into his relationship with sonia!

i do, in fact, think that his crush on her is fake. i do think he believes in it. but he does not realize that the created a version of her brought on by her general politeness, her status as a princess and her beauty, in his mind that every day strays farther away from the real sonia. he denies her liking of the occult and other scary stuff that turns him off and he acts shocked when she admits to being a virgin (yikes. at least he doesnt really shame her. i think it just ruins his image of her-- again, yikes-- but he ignores it mostly. like he ignores her, the real her, most of the times)

i dont know why he needs a romantic relationship specifically so desperately, but i can think of why he wants that puppy love admiration that he has for her. she, or at least the way he makes her in his mind, is wildly out of her league. sure he wants a girlfriend, but deep down he knows hell never get her. thats why when she turns him down again and again he only gets hurt for like a minute. she even suggests she would rather he be the blackened in the 4th trial and he gets over it pretty quickly. this is the reason he wants to like someone out of his reach so much-- because he cant get hurt from her. he isnt being betrayed or heartbroken like his ex best friend did to him (yes this is about the trust issues again) because he never expected to be with her in the first place. by expecting failure by chasing a girl that is so so out of his league (a pretty perfect princess) he knows what he gets when hes turned down. to him, this is better than actually making an effort with someone he is genuinely attached to because in that case he might actually get his feelings hurt. we see this with his relationship with hinata, though it isnt in a romantic sense. sadly, after they become close friends, he still chases after sonia, but that might be because the player isnt guaranteed to play all of souda's free time events.

this stuff probably will take time for souda to understand. ofc this doesnt really justify his actions and creepy behavior towards her... i like to think that at some point (i constantly forget that dr is a game about killing each other and the apocalypse, but ig this can take place in here too since they both survive) he understands where his problem stem from, maybe with a conversation with hinata or kuzuryuu and he learns and he asks forgiveness from sonia and changes his behavior. the long and hard way!!! my boy did something stupid and he has to make up for it!!!! he will take responsibility because thats what good character writing is!!

itll probably be difficult to come to terms that the girl in his mind, that i do believe he actually fell in love with, is not real. he will cope <3

briefly i'd like to mention souda's and kuzuryuu's relationship i think they are bffs #2 honestly i feel that the both of them plus hinata could be the best trio they are such wholesome guys from all corners of the bro spectrum let the be friends<333 idk maybe even add owari. owari and souda sibling energy <3 this is just hc territory at this point. mioda and souda sibling energy!!!!! for more kuzuryuu and souda friendship read the fic Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi's Guide to Despair Disease: A How-To Take Care of Your Friends(?) Without Spiraling Out Of Control Story. still a wip.

hmmm that was a lot. lets talk about some hcs cuz believe it or not i dont just think of his as what he is canonically, but also what he could be!

ok lets talk about appearances (still canon atm:) he is short-- one of the shortest guys in the cast cuz fuyuhiko and teruteru dont count (thats a plus) and he is, sadly, pretty ripped. it makes since cuz he prob carries heavy stuff and moves his arms a lot for his talent of being a mechanic but when a (male) character is TOO ripped and not for a good reason (for example theres a good reason why nidai or oowada are physically strong cuz of their talents, and some characters are just himbos that deserve it like momota) i just look at them like :|. but it think souda deserves some strong arms <3 he is a cuddler. he would. i just dont think he's impressively ripped. like i think he could sprint fast, but not for long, and that girls wouldnt flawk him for his arms (if they already knew who he was) cuz all in all he is still a wimp loser and he will stay as such, please and thank you.

im a big fan of his narrow eyes. theyre just. dont make sense on him i love it. just like the sharp teeth, he is blessed with looking the opposite of his personality.

now lets talk about post canon appearances! in the world of canon, where the most tragic event in history happens and they were a part of the despair refinements and they live the neo world program (i always forget they dont live in my lil modern day normal aus, ugh), i think he would wake up still looking like how he did in his depair era. idk how long theyre like that but this is my personal hc: hair that reaches his chest, some ugly dulled down pink still sticking to the tips of his messy hair, no hat </3 but his hair is long enough that he doesnt have that hedgehog thing going on </3, no contacts, no glasses, probably scars over his arms and one over the side of his lips like that rio penguin from madagascar (also curse that show for making my tiny stupid child brain think there are penguins in the desert. at least there are such a thing as beach penguins... hmm). i think he would cut his hair to be shorter that it is in canon, a bit longer than hajime's and would resemble saihara's except brown, parted and no ahoge. he wold be dispensation by the length. he would also wear a cap (the normal way) and with his natural colors back, he would look very snuggble :)) he would hug everyone he would be the comfort giver at least to the survivors (this is the part where u realize how insame i am for him lol)

in a world where the end of it didnt happen, i feel like he would feel kind lonely for a while after school, and wouldnt care enough to wear contacts and would go back to glasses, and he wouldnt dye his hair (i just really like his naturality okay i know i said i liked him at first for his colors but this is character growth! he is learning that he doesnt need to be intimidating to get friends!!!) his hair would be a little longer than canon but not by much. i just have this au where he works in an office and there he meets kamukura (who, personality wise is just hinata but depressed) and they become bffs dont at me, and this is how he looks in that au, wearing a button down without the tie and the sleeves rolled up. i do think hed wear obnoxious colors in his free time tho <3

maybe i should get into ships a little? mostly i shipped him with tanaka because i love me some rivals to lovers that isnt angst filled and is mostly just petty. theys either be salty towards each other or tanaka would be very intense in his friendship and souda would be tsundere-ish, not the obnoxious type tho. imagine how denji acts towards yoshida. (denji and souda are actually really alike. before i knew anything about csm my twt mutual told me id prob like denji cuz i like souda and.. well he was right)

but recently i dont really focus on shipping souda with anyone as much as i focus on his friendship with hinata (am i the only one who watched gg compilations and put their faces behind the silly conversations? like i imagine their sprites laughing while the video plays. is that weird? them and also saihara&momota. cuz theyre the same relationship!!! tactful mc and their friendly dumb bro! they!!!). also if u recall i made that drawing of souda with a bunch of ships so its not like loyal lol.

also why are souda and tanaka together constantly in the anime... i think its the end song where theres a slide show of all the characters in class in places like a picnic and the beach and stuff and the two of them are almost together. theyre at the very least friends. that dynamic where they both look intimidating but theyre both so fucking stupid. frienemies. <333 they are so <333 theyd be friedns at least!!! thank you for the anime for realizing that.

i also like to imagine that he and tsumiki would be friends <3 they were both bullied, they both cry a lot and arent really taken seriosuly, at least when it comes to their emotions. i think theyd hug and cry together and be friends :) also as couple they could be very cute.

i dont really know what more to say... i think this is it! i dont know what about kazuichi souda makes me love him so much. he is flawed but not to the point of being unlikable. he is unique but can easily be related to! i care about him so much... the amount of aus i come up and put him in... i dont post so much about him, but know he is my love. ofc i dont have romantic feelings for him some ppl just thirst over their favs i wanna preface that aint the case. not cuz of his age (im close to him in age) but cuz i just... dont feel and romantic or thristy feelings towards anyone so istg if anyone says something stupid to me about that.

thats all! i think this is the longest post ive ever made? when i got this ask last night i thought id write about all those characters i mentioned at the start but then when i went to bed i thought about my answer and realized i have a lot to say lol.

to the one person who actually read until the end, if u even exist (who knows myabe this was for nothing, i still had fun), you're insane. and i hope u have a great rest of ur day. if u didnt know who souda was before this... well u certainly do now (also why did u read this?) sometimes i just gotta rant about something i adore haha. its been a while since i went all out cuz me and my irl dont watch the same shows. i hope i made whoever read this love souda! at least a little!

this post is 5787 words long... im not rereading this

#this post is an investment #kazuichi souda #character analysis #also this is not proofread so expect a bunch of typos haha

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