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writing-realityawayfromreality · 4 years

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*I’m thinking about having this part in the story that I am currently working on but it is a bit different so PLEASE let me know what you think. I’ve had this idea in my head for awhile now and spending time with my niece has made me really think about kids of my own one day. Also please note that this story is supposed to take place when Harry is 30. I’m hoping the one direction reunion comes WAYYYYY before that but to just make the story flow a bit better I had to make him older. Anyways, as always, all the love,

“Where daddy?” your youngest daughter asked as you and your children take your seats in the front of the crowd. “He’s back stage.” your oldest daughter said. “Why?” Your two year old daughter asked once again. “Because that man right there” she points to James “is going to ask him some questions for tv.” your oldest daughter tried to explain as best as a five year old could. You just chuckled to yourself listening to your daughters talking when you felt your phone go off.

Harry-

Did you guys get to your seats alright?

You quickly answered knowing that he was about to come on stage at any moment.

Just sat down, the girls are excited to see you preform.

Harry-

See you soon my loves.

You were going to respond when you heard James ask the crowd to put their hands together for Harry styles. Your two daughters jumped out of their seats and started cheering for their dad. Harry had walked out from the back stopping briefly to wave at his daughters before giving you a wink. You could feel yourself blushing, there wasn’t a day that went by that you didn’t love Harry as much as you loved him when you first started dating. Your two daughters called out to their dad as he sat down next to James which only caused him to laugh a bit before blowing them kisses.

“Harry...” James said making Harry chuckle “James.” Harry said getting serious and looking him in the eyes. “It’s been awhile since we had you on the show.” James started out. “How’ve you been?” “I’ve been amazing. I just put out another album, spending a lot of time at home with my beautiful family, just kind of basking in this time together before going on the road again.” He said looking at you. “Well I think you just answered all the questions that i had prepared for the show tonight so... ladies and gentlemen, Harry styles.” James said laughing as everyone started clapping. Harry gave a joking shrug and stood up pretending to head backstage. “No no no I’m just kidding. Sit down.” James continued laughing. “You took some time off from touring and in that time you made this album, you want to talk about the new album a bit? I mean during your one direction time if felt as though you guys were always on the road and then the hiatus happened and you all had your solo careers and you put out your self titled album, toured. Took some time to put out fine line, toured then the pandemic happened so it pushed tour off a bit and then you finished tour, took a year to write your third album, toured that one and now you’re putting out your fourth album? James asked looking at Harry.

“Yeah...” *coughs* “So, the first five years of one direction we put out an album each year and we toured almost all of them besides the last album which we still yet have to do... ” Harry smirks as the crowd cheers. “I love touring and whether you were here from the one direction days or just discovered my music yesterday I really appreciate all your support and I know all the rest of the boys appreciate it as well. I had just met my then girlfriend before hiatus happened. On tour actual, it’s a funny story. But anyways I took some time off after the hiatus hit and really I tried to find who I was. I was in two movie “Dunkirk” and also “Don’t worry darling”. As far as music I had then put out my self titled album and toured that. Took some time off to write Fine Line, started touring that a bit but like you said the pandemic shut everything down so i had to wait a year to tour that album. And then I took about a year to write the third album, wrote most of that while touring Fine line. I toured that one of course , and then I took year and a half... not really off, but instead trying to write a album that meant a lot to not only me but my family as well. Can any of you guess what I am going to do next?” Harry asked gesturing towards the crowd. “Tour!” they all yelled back as harry smiled. “So tell us about your album that is coming out.” James said.

“Well, so like I had said, i took sometime to figure out who i was as a solo artist and you know when you’re performing a certain type of music for so long you yourself kinda get lost. But I had my now wife y/n by my side and she kinda helped me to reconnect with myself and be comfortable with making the music on my first album, she has supported me day in a day out and I can’t thank her enough. I then went onto write Fine Line and that album was written while y/n and I had broken up and we were seeing other people and there was just something about y/n that I couldn’t let go...” Harry stopped when he heard people the crowd awe. “Don’t worry, we ended up back together... clearly.” harry laughed. “But by the time the third album came out I was already married and now i took some time off to spend with my wife and daughters and that’s how the fourth album was born, it was based on all the emotions that I was feeling. I was surrounded by friends and family, so this album is upbeat and happy, it’s about love, loving yourself, being in love, loving life, and loving one another.

“Not to switch topics but you mentioned your wife...” James said. “I did... can we get a round of applause for my beautiful wife.” Harry asked as both him and Jame as well as the crowd started to cheer and clap. “You both are hardly ever on social media...” James started as Harry just nodded in agreement. “But when you guys are the fans get the best content, whether that be either you doing something or her doing something, sometimes it’s something your kids have done or something about your pets, and the fans just love it. A lot of the comments that i see is them asking for you two to be their parents. How does that make you two feel?” James chuckled. “Uh, well, my wife and I both agreed that we wanted to raise our kids out of the spot light so we try not to post too much but we would welcome whoever into our family with open arms... we just want everyone to feel loved and treated with kindness.” Harry said looking to the crowd as they clapped. “Speaking of welcoming people into your family, your latest post that the both of you posted was that you two are expecting your third child together!” James announced. “Wait a minute, three children?” Harry asked as though he was in shock by the news. Harry started to count on his fingers “Darcy... Angelique... and um... baby styles...” He held up three fingers “One, two, three, yep three... ” Harry pursed his lips and blew out air while still looking like he was in shock causing everyone to laugh “ladies and gentlemen give a round of applause for the expecting couple” James exclaimed. “I remember when you were on here when you two were first engaged and the next thing I knew you two were having your first child together and then your second, and now third!” Jame stated. “Well, that’s how it works James, you can’t have your second child first...” Harry Joked.

“Your wife is here today, is she not?” James asked. “She is, and my two beautiful daughters are here today as well.” Harry stated. “Almost three children now, what is that like?.” James said looking to Harry. “Honestly I don’t think I could had picked a better partner to raise children with. I don’t know how y/n does it all. Together y/n and I have two beautiful daughters with another child on the way. Darcy, our oldest had just turned five last month and Angelique our newly middle child will turn three in two months. They are both keep us on our toes, and are both super sassy, we think they get that from their uncle Louis...” Harry laughs. “But they are truly a blessing to the both of us. They love traveling with us, and are generally well behaved, um they do fight like normal siblings but at the end of the day you can find them cuddled up together on the sofa watching a disney movie, that comes from their uncle Liam” Harry stated looking at you and your children.

“You really give a lot of credit to your wife, you guys have been married for four years now? Where did you find the time to make music and get married and have children?” James questioned. “You’re really going to have me gushing over my family on live tv?” Harry asked smiling at James. “The fans want to know, you guys are pretty private.” James said laughing. “ We did get married in 2020, before covid hit, we found time in between touring, so we’ve been married for 4 years now. “How long had you guys been dating prior to getting married.” James asked. “ 5 years actually believe it or not. I met her back in the start of 2015, I was 21 and she was 18 and the moment I saw her I was head over heels for her. She wasn’t too keen on me however and really made me work to even take her out on our first date.” Harry said looking over as you recalled your first date. “Why didn’t you just walk over to her and say “hello love, I’m Harry Styles, member of one direction one of the worlds biggest boyband...” I mean come on you are super famous. I’m sure that would had won her over.” James laughed. “It might have but I don’t really like to bring fame into my relationships.” Harry said. “So, how did you win over such a gorgeous lady?” James questioned. “I just happened to go on a trolley ride that she was working on that day, it was an amusement park trolley. It was a private ride for the guys and I. Her and her coworker put on this little show, taught us about the history of the park we were at, they got dressed up as different people and sang songs. It was just amazing. Later that day I had asked if she could give me a tour of the park itself and we went on rides, I asked her to come to the concert that night but she declined. I think it was close to 2 months after meeting I asked her on a date to which she turned me down. It was maybe six months into knowing each other that she finally agreed to go on a date with me,” Harry laughed. “SIX MONTHS? Y/N! WHAT WERE YOU DOING TO THIS POOR BOY?” James questioned you. “She was in college and working full time and helping out her family and playing sports... but yes ladies and gentlemen it took me, Harry styles six months to get a first date with y/n. Which was a beautiful picnic and then I...” Harry stopped laughing a bit. “I set up this homemade movie theater type thing later on that night” Harry stated which made the crowd awe once again.

“Did she know who you were?” James asked. “She knew of us because of her sisters being fans but it wasn’t something that made her think “Oh man I need to date this man because he’s in a boyband.” Harry laughed. “Did she meet the other lads speaking of boyband?” James questioned. “She did, she had met them here and there a few times before dating but once we were dating she invited all of them over for a dinner... “ Harry laughed “I remember she made this HUGE dinner because she wanted to make sure everyone had something that they liked to eat and she made a bunch of desserts. She was so nervous that it actually made me nervous just watching her it was like a chicken running around with their head cut off. By the time the boys got there she was covered head to toe in all different types of spices and flour.” Harry finished laughing. You could feel yourself chuckle recalling the event. “The boys went home with a lot of leftovers that night.” Harry said while James and the crowd laughed.

“Anyways...So we were officially dating in June of 2015 and a year passed. We had you know, moved in together basically spent every day together, so November of 2016 that I had asked her to marry me. You know I was feeling really good, I was casted in a movie and my album was nearly finished. I knew that I was going to be going on tour and I wanted her to come with me.” Harry said “I take it that she said yes?” James joked. “No, she waited another six months to give me an answer...” Harry joked back. “No, no she said yes right away. *coughs* so then 2017 my self titled album came out and dunkirk and that was going great y/n had come with me on tour for a bit, but y/n and I had decided to break up only a year after being engaged and it was pretty rough. We thought we were moving too fast, she was still trying to get a degree, I wasn’t really home and our schedules weren’t lining up. So I finished up the tour in 2018 for my self titled album, um y/n and I had reconnected in september of that year after both of us had dated other people. I spent that year writing Fine Line, so that’s what that album is about. But we both agreed that we still had feeling for one another and we wanted to pick up where we left things so we were re-engaged in 2018. Beginning of 2019 Fine line was released and we had also found out that we were expecting our first daughter. We both talked about getting married as soon as we found out about our baby but after a many many long conversations we agreed that we didn’t need to be married before having Darcy but in 2020 we finally tied the knot, we actually waited until Darcy was able to walk so she could be our flower girl. Freddie and Bear both carried the rings down the aisle for us, it was great to have the guys at the wedding. Not long after we were married we found out that we were expecting Angelique.” Harry finished looking at you and smiled. “Wow, so you guys have been together for roughly 9 years, married, 4 albums out and now expecting your third child together. Would you had ever thought that you would be a father?” James asked.

“Oh for sure, I’ve always loved children. While in One direction we had Lux around. All the boys and us are now fathers and it really is something, i wouldn’t change it for the world.” Harry answered. “Any more children after this one?” James asked as Harry looked to you and smirked. “ I think that is up to the misses. I mean, I’m 30 now, she’s 27 with a five and almost three year old and a new baby soon. we still have time if we would want any more children.” Harry finished off the statement.

#Harry Styles #one direction #thoughts #children #harry styles imagine #cute #dad harry styles

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ghostburs-blue · 4 years

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hello! if you can, could you do prompt 46 and 57 with spencer pls?

I’m soso sorry it took so long for me to answer this! I’ve been struggling with a major case of writing block but I hope you like it <33 I wanted to give you quality work instead of trying to rush on it and get this out as soon as possible! Enjoy anon and thank you for supporting me!

You’re Perfect

Request: “ hello! if you can, could you do prompt 46 and 57 with spencer pls?” > #46: “Please don’t say that about yourself. Please don’t believe that. You’re so much more than that. You’re so…” / #57: Heart eyes when the other talks, sings, dances, argues, does literally anything especially things which others make fun of them for or find annoying

Summary: People are mean and y/n doesn’t love herself

Warnings: talks about not eating, not drinking, low self-confidence, mentions of depression, in general lots of angst, fluff ending *please don’t read if any of these are sensitive or triggering topics for you!!!!*

Word count: 3k

A/n: this was actually a really good way to relieve my own feelings <3 it was almost a vent write? please DO NOT read if these are triggering subjects to you. i want you all to know that you’re beautiful and spectacular and you all mean so much to me. please take care of yourselves! my dm’s and inbox is ALWAYS open for you to come and talk to me if you feel as though you need to or want to. love you all dearly!

~story below the cut~

You gave a small laugh as you grabbed another piece of bruschetta from the plate in front of you.

“Are you sure you want to eat that y/n?” One of your friends, Sadie, casually commented.

Your hand faltered as you brought the piece of bread to your mouth.

“I- what do you mean?” You asked, slightly confused.

“I just mean,” Sadie paused and looked around the room at the group of girls clustered on the sofas together. “You’re getting a little plump, you know?” She laughed. “Especially around the… stomach,” she waved her hand around your tummy area.

Some of the other girls nod. “Yeah, watch out. Especially if you want to look good in that bikini you bought for our beach trip,” another girl, Maddy, smirked.

You carefully placed the bruschetta back on the plate, trying to give a small smile. “I, I wasn’t hungry anyway,” you attempted to give a small smile that you hoped hid your tears. “Thanks for the warning guys,” you offered.

The group smiled. “Of course, we’re just here to tell you the truth,” Sadie chirped. You gave a curt nod.

You ended up leaving the hangout early, you had lost your mood to have fun after the… interesting comments made.

Heading back to your apartment, you shut your phone off and took a hot shower.

It was only 10:30 when you decided to call it a night, not bothering to check your phone for any messages or notifications.

You woke up early the next morning, slowly climbing out of bed.

Making your way to the bathroom, you stood in front of your mirror. You stared at your reflection, taking in your appearance. Almost numbly, your hands rose, pulling and pushing at the skin on your face.

They made their way to your lips, dragging the flesh down with it. They froze as they reached your mouth, a single finger tracing the outline of it.

“I love your lips,” Spencer’s voice echoed throughout your head. “They’re beautiful and feel so good under mine,” he assured you. You had just told him about your insecurities about them; growing up, many had told you that they were too large, didn’t fit well with your face. Spencer kissed all the confidence back into them, making you feel good about them again. The memory slowly vanished from your mind.

No, you fought back. No, he’s a liar. No part of me was beautiful then, no part of me is beautiful now, you thought angrily, hands gripping the countertop so hard your knuckles turned white.

You brushed your hair and teeth, throwing on only enough makeup to hide your dark circles and sunken cheeks, much less than normal. Trudging to your room, it was the same story with your outfit. Normally you liked to make your outfit cute and coordinated; today you had no drive to do anything of the sort.

Throwing on a plain white blouse and some mom jeans, you grabbed your phone, keys, and a bottle of water before leaving for work.

Pulling into the parking lot, you stepped out of your car and immediately kept your head down as you walked in. It was still early, early enough that probably only Hotch would be here.

You sat down at your desk in the bullpen as you grabbed pulled a stack of manila folders. Today was supposed to be a paperwork day, meaning there would be no stress or hassle of cases or investigations. Nonetheless, the rest of the team and you always had a go-bag underneath your seat for any emergencies. You prayed there wouldn’t be one today.

As 8:30 rolled closer and closer, more of your teammates started showing up. Morgan was first, exclaiming a loud, “Hey babygirl!” when he first saw you. You offered a small smile and stood up to hug him like you always did when you saw each other in the morning. You watched as he briefly skimmed your outfit, taking in the look. You noticed as his lips pursed, then stretched into a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes as he headed to his desk.

Next came JJ, then Garcia, following the same pattern as Morgan. The same tight-lipped, overdramatic smiles. Then, Reid. The one you were dreading the most.

He practically ran in, slightly out of breath and winded as his eyes frantically searched the room. They softened and his body relaxed as they landed on you.

Walking over, he spun your chair to face him, tilting your head up to meet his gaze when you hesitated to make eye contact with him. He kissed your forehead as he spoke to you gently.

“Hey babe, I was worried when you didn’t reply to my messages last night or this morning,” he murmured. You looked up and tried to hide the look of despair in your eyes.

“Yeah, I decided to sleep a little earlier than normal,” you lied easily, attempting to relax your rigid body posture.

Spencer clearly didn’t buy it, but didn’t try and push you further on the topic. He nodded, kissing you once more before heading to his own desk.

Turning back to the mountain of paperwork in front of you, you didn’t need eyes on the back of your head to know that the rest of the team was talking behind your back.

You stood up suddenly, heading to the kitchen to grab some coffee. You brewed yourself a fresh pot, back pressed against the counter as you absentmindedly scrolled on your phone while waiting.

As soon as it was done, you poured yourself a cup of the dark liquid, not caring about how hot it was. Walking out the room, you turned the corner, promptly running into Garcia. The coffee splashed out of the cup and onto your white shirt, effectively staining it and turning it seethrough. You hissed from the pain.

“Oh, hon I’m so sorry!” Garcia exclaimed, frozen in shock. Coming to her senses, she quickly ran into the kitchen and came out with a few paper towels.

She tried to dab your shirt and soak up the liquid, but it wasn’t doing much. The wet fabric clung to your body, and you felt extremely exposed standing in the hallway, where anyone could see you.

“Do you have any extra shirts?” Garcia fretted, trying to stay calm. You gave a small nod and grabbed her arm, smiling.

“Love, it’s okay. It’s just a shirt,” you murmured, though it seemed like you were trying to reassure yourself more than her. “I’m going to grab one from my go-bag, okay?” You comfortingly squeezed her hand, then turned to head into the bullpen.

You took a deep breath before stepping out into the brightly lit area. Uncomfortably, you crossed your arms over your midsection, quickly making your way over to your desk. As you bent down to grab your go-bag, you felt everybody’s eyes burning into you. A touch on your shoulder caused you to jump and replace your arms.

It was just Spencer.

“Y/n, is everything okay? What happened?” He gestured towards the coffee stain peeking out from the top of your crossed arms, attempting to pull them down to see more. You stepped back and only tightened your hold on your body, shaking your head.

“It’s only a little spill,” you reassured him. “I just need to grab a change of clothes,” you smiled at him.

Unzipping the duffel bag, you swallowed as you looked inside. All the shirts were tight-fitting, accentuating your body. You closed it suddenly.

“On second thought,” you winced and looked up at Spencer. “Do you still have my hoodie in your car?” You asked him. He nodded, confused.

“Yeah, I do. Why? Don’t you have clothes in here?” Reid asked, gesturing towards the bag.

“Uh, yeah, but… I’m feeling cold?” You replied, voice turning up at the end. He frowned.

“I’ll go get it. Just, stay here?” He offered, heading to his car to get the jacket.

Sitting down in your chair, you attempted to make yourself as small as possible and hide from the confused stares of the others. Just as you were sure someone was going to break the deafening silence, Spencer reappeared with the light grey hoodie in his hands.

You breathed a small sigh of relief, almost feeling like you could cry as he handed it to you. Thanking him, you went to the bathroom to change.

Stepping out of the restroom, you caught sight of JJ ahead of you, walking in your direction. She stopped, greeting you with a smile.

“I was just about to tell the team,” she started. You groaned, already knowing what she was going to say. JJ nodded, agreeing with you. “We have a case. Head to the briefing room as soon as possible,” she said with a grim look. You nodded, heading straight there and nabbing a seat.

The rest of the group filed in, and you saw Hotch and Rossi for the first time that day. Hotch gave you a once over, taking in your grey baggy hoodie and loose jeans. Some emotion filled his tired eyes, something you were too exhausted to decipher. You didn’t even bother to look at Rossi.

JJ started the briefing, the team adding comments and guesses throughout. It was a sad case, surrounding women being abducted from college campuses in California.

Hotch stood, surveying everyone before he announced, “Wheels up in an hour.” The group disassembled, everyone flocking to their desks to grab what was needed. You remained seated, taking a deep breath before slowly standing up and following the others.

If anyone noticed your mood, they didn’t say anything. You all had an hour before takeoff, so the group collectively decided to head for a quick lunch.

You didn’t order anything, claiming you felt a little under the weather when Spencer nudged you and asked about it. You nursed a glass of water and stayed out of the conversation, only giving your two cents when someone prompted you to.

Eventually, you all boarded the plane. You still didn’t eat, looking in disgust at your go-bag filled with clothes pushed below your seat.

The moment the aircraft landed, you pushed yourself into work. You didn’t give yourself much time to eat or drink, taking on job after job to solve the case. It was tiring, but it kept you hidden from the problems you desperately needed to face. So, you did it without complaining.

The clothes were a big part of the problem. Pulling a black pencil skirt out from the duffel bag after you had settled in the hotel room, you were met with a memory.

Spencer’s arms wrapped around your waist as he rested his chin on your shoulder. You both stood in front of a floor-length mirror, gazing at your reflection in the clear glass. He pulled back just enough to twist your head towards him, placing a gentle kiss on your lips.

He grinned at the sight of the two of you in the mirror, drinking in how the skirt looked on you.

He groaned. “You look so good,” he whispered, causing you to smile and laugh a little.

“Thank you babe,” you replied, a grin gracing your features. “I needed new clothes for work, figured that this would be okay to wear,” you giggled. Reid nodded violently.

“Wear this and I won’t be able to concentrate on anything for the rest of the day,” he murmured in your ear, causing you to give him a playful shove.

Looking at the skirt now, you wanted to vomit. It was tight in all the wrong places, making your body look bigger than it already was in your eyes. With a sigh, you stuffed it back in your bag and sat on the ground, back against the bed.

You pushed the heels of your palms against your eyes, trying to stop the flow of tears threatening to be released.

You jumped up as a knock sounded at the door. It just turned out to be JJ; she was letting everybody know about the plans for the next day.

Though you could see a small frown grow on her lips, she didn’t say anything about your disheveled appearance.

Most everyone gave up on trying to get you to sleep or take time off once the case had begun. They had tried to force you to take a break, but the team knew that you rarely stopped working until you solved the murder(s) you were assigned to.

However, only Reid seemed to notice the extent of your overworking; this was too much, even for you. But every time he made an attempt to talk to you about something other than work, you would cut him off or divert him back to the task on hand.

You felt as though you were sinking. You had all the lifelines you needed surrounding you, all you had to do was reach out and grab one. Every time you tried, your limbs went heavy and your arms refused to move. You were sinking, and didn’t know how to swim.

After what seemed like far too long, you had narrowed down a suspect for the abductions of the poor women.

It was Hotch’s idea to send you and Morgan in first. According to the profile, he would listen to strong female authority, while Morgan would back you up and make sure you were safe.

The plan worked great, fortunately, and the team was able to save the kidnapper’s most recent victim from a horrible death.

As forensics teams swarmed the scene after handcuffing the predator, the rest of the group and you surveyed the house. The majority of the predictions made were accurate; mind the minor few details scattered here and there.

As you, Reid, and Emily walked through the main bedroom, you felt a sudden bout of weariness come on. You leaned against the wall, trying to control your breathing.

You faintly heard Emily talking about something in the background, but you couldn’t fully make it out. Your eyes closed, and you felt yourself slowly sink to the floor as you lost the little amount of strength you had left in your body.

You became aware of footsteps rushing over to you, the sound of Spencer’s voice growing louder and more frantic.

“Y/n? Y/n can you hear me?” He exclaimed, looking around for help. Eyes focusing on Emily, the last thing you heard was someone screaming, “MEDIC!”.

Your eyes blinked open, slowly adjusting to the bright fluorescent lights of the hospital. You had been in and out of consciousness since the crime scene, remembering vague snippets of strangers’ voices calling out or Spencer’s worried face looming over you.

Looking down at your body, you had been dressed in a white hospital gown, though majority of you was covered in a blanket. Turning your head to the side, you caught sight of Reid dozed off in a chair next to your bed.

“Babe,” you called out, but your throat was dry and hoarse. Clearing your throat, you tried again. “Reid!” You said. He woke with a start, eyes panicked. They softened as they landed on your small smile.

“I- what happened?” You asked him, coughing slightly. A small frown settled on his lips.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He whispered, looking hurt.

You gave him a confused look. “Tell you what?” You replied.

He shook his head. “That you haven’t been eating or drinking enough,” his voice cracked slightly, causing your heart to break a little. You gazed into his deep brown eyes, melting as you noticed the pools of tears forming in them.

“I can explain,” you started, but he shook his head.

“The doctors said you had orthostatic hypotension, or a fainting spell caused by starvation, dehydration, and stress,” he murmured. You felt a sigh escape as you looked away from your boyfriend sitting next to you. You couldn’t bear to see the disappointment etched on his face.

“I’m not good enough for you,” you muttered under your breath, not expecting him to hear it.

“What?” He asked, caught off guard.

You turned to face him again. “I’m not good enough for you!” You exclaimed loudly, throwing your hands in the air. “In fact, I’m not good enough for anything. I’m not smart enough to be on the team, I’m not pretty enough to be your girlfriend, and I sure as hell am not good enough to mean anything to anyone.” It was your turn to start crying.

Spencer quickly rose, grasping your hand tightly in his. He looked at you, and you could see the love and pain swirling in his eyes. “Please don’t say that about yourself. Please don’t believe that. You’re so much more than that. You’re the light of my life, the highlight of my day every time I see you. You’re the perfect ray of sunshine our office needs, hell, what the team needs to get through cases. You are perfect, y/n. I love you so much. Please, never believe those things about yourself. You’re perfect just the way you are,” he finished, tears streaming down his face.

Without a second thought, you looped your arm behind his neck and pulled Spencer in for a kiss. His lips were salty, the taste of his tongue mixing with the salty wetness from his tears. You two pulled apart, breathing heavily.

“I love you too,” you whispered, pressing your foreheads together before hugging him tightly.

Slight coughing by the door caused you two to look up. You grinned as you noticed the rest of the team standing by the doorway, bittersweet smiles on their faces. They entered the room, each giving you a hug and scolding you about your current situation. You forgot how much you missed them.

From that day onwards, you worked towards loving yourself. It took a long time, months blending into years before you felt comfortable in the body you had been given. But no matter what, you had your rock. You had Spencer, and you were better because of it.

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lynelovespopculture · 3 years

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THE CHILLING ADVENTURES OF ZELDA-CHAPTER 18-THE BREAKING POINT AS THE MORTALS AROUND THEM GROW MORE OBSESSED WITH WITCHES, THE SPELLMANS START TO FEEL THE PRESSURE.

After the announcement of the play, the rest of the day was pretty much shot. After school, Faustus had more work to do so Cordelia took the bus home. She sighed as she opened and closed the front door. “I said no.” Zelda’s voice came from the kitchen. “Mom, you are never going to believe this,” Cordelia muttered as she dropped her backpack onto a chair, entered the kitchen, and froze. For Zelda was not alone. “Look, Lilith,” Zelda said through gritted teeth. “You came here to ask me a question and I have answered you. I said no and it’s staying no!” “But I need you!” Lilith insisted. “We both know that you’re the best of the best. Besides, as the queen of hell, I can simply command you.” “Oh no, you can’t!” Zelda held her ground. “In fact, as I recall the last time I asked for your help, you told me that since I was not a part of hell’s court and was no longer a member of the church of night or the church of Lilith, that I was an outsider and you were under no obligation to help me.” Lilith knew she was losing her case but she continued pleading regardless. “It won’t be like last time. I promise! Lucifer is still inside that council member, still very much locked up. The minion and I check on him often. I swear it won’t be like last time.” “I know it won’t,” Zelda agreed “because this time I’m not getting myself or my family involved.” Meanwhile, Cordelia stood silently in the corner, confused over this exchange. Lucifer? Queen of hell? What the heaven did this all mean? Cordelia was pretty sure she knew the woman who was fighting with her mother but didn’t know from where. “Please Zelda,” Lilith continued. “Adam was just so sweet when I told him 3 weeks ago. He insisted we return to the surface and get married at the courthouse that very day. Nothing like when Zander was born.” That was it! Cordelia suddenly remembered that this Lilith was the happy bride she saw when she and Faustus were driving past city hall on that 1st day of school. “Cordelia!” Lilith purred, bring the child back to the here and now by sliding a hand under her chin and studying her. “What a lovely young lady you’ve become.” “Thank you,” Cordelia said, unsure. “Um, have we met?” “Only briefly, a long time ago. But I hope we’ll get to know each other better in the future. Since you and my son are- “ “Lilith! If you say 1 more word, you’ll be returning to hell in a body cast!” Zelda threatened. Cordelia looked on as Lilith coolly shrugged and then walked out the front door before she turned back to her mother. “Who was that, Mom?” “No one you need to concern yourself with. Now, please go fetch your brother and Ambrose. Supper is almost ready.” Cordelia knew her mother’s tone and knew even she asked again, she wouldn’t get any real answers so she turned on her heel and went to get the boys.

Faustus didn’t remember the last time he was this tired. After closing the door, he rested against it for a moment, before tossing his car keys onto a nearby side table. The house was quiet and dark, which was no surprise considering how late it was. Faustus yawned deeply as he made his way upstairs. On the second floor, the only light led him to his room, where Zelda was sitting up in bed, paperwork all around her. He came forward and kissed Zelda’s welcoming smile. “Hello, my beautiful reason for existing.” Zelda’s smile only grew bigger as she kissed her husband back. “I was expecting you late tonight once Cordy told me about the play.” “Ah, so you’re all caught up?” “Unfortunately, yes.” Faustus gave a little nod, then took off his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt, as he crossed to the room to the chest of drawers that held his night clothes. “I’m sorry I didn’t call, my love, but it’s hard to make a phone call in the middle of an argument.” “And who were you arguing with?” “Principal Hopper,” Faustus sighed. “I spent 4 and a half hours trying to convince him to put on a different play, any other play! I tried any excuse I could come up with. All in vain, the play will go on as planned. The only good news is that they can’t force Cordy to perform in the play, but since this is a grade 7-8 production, she’ll have to work backstage somehow.” Faustus explained to his wife on his way to the bathroom. “I had an interesting day too,” Zelda called out as she collected her paperwork off the bed. “Oh?” “You will never believe who came to see me today-Lilith.” Zelda couldn’t help but smile as her shocked husband appeared in the doorway. His mouth foaming with toothpaste, the brush just dangling. After he went back and rinsed, Faustus returned to the bedroom. “Lilith, eh? Haven’t heard that name in this house in a couple of years.” “I had hoped to keep it that way,” Zelda muttered. “So, how is the queen of hell?” “Newly pregnant by her mortal husband, Adam. She asked me to serve as her mid-wife.” Faustus lifted an eyebrow. “What? Again? After what she put this family through last time, I’m surprised she even had the nerve to ask.” “Thank you!” Zelda exclaimed. “That’s exactly what I said! But she wouldn’t take no for an answer and even after I refused her, she followed me home from the academy and I couldn’t make her leave until after Cordelia came home from school. She even hinted at the odd marriage pact again.” “Don’t worry, dearest. Even if Lilith did keep that damn contract, with no signature, it’s not valid.” Zelda smiled. “It seems you have given this matter some thought.” Faustus shut off his bedside lamp and got into bed. “I’ll admit that I might have brought the case up to Daniel Webster once or twice. Besides, if Lilith is hurting for female company, I know a nosy, moral bitch she can have right now.” Zelda chuckled as she made herself comfortable in Faustus’s arms. “I assume we are now speaking of Nina Robinson. Is she still giving you trouble?” “Nothing but!” Faustus then told Zelda all about Nina’s absurd behavior from that morning. “I just can’t get rid of this woman! I can’t get any work done either. I finally had to pretend that I was going home, drove around the block, and finally had to hide in a broom closet just to get my work done. It’s pathetic! Oh, and all this was after she undermined me at every turn during that meeting with Hopper.” It was then that Zelda realized something. “Why go to Principal Hopper at all? Why not talk to Theo? He would be more understanding.” Faustus nodded. “That was my 1st idea too but he took off early for a long weekend with Robin. I’ll ask him on Monday, beloved, and see if he can deal with Hopper.” Soon after, Zelda fell asleep in Faustus’s arms, her head on his shoulder. Faustus himself was half asleep when he realized something. He and Zelda were still passionate lovers. Making love more times a week than not. But tonight, the topic was not even bought up and that was okay. Faustus had sensed that Zelda was tired. Did she sense he was too? It was like they could communicate without words. After 13 years of marriage, he had obtained something with Zelda that Faustus never had with any other woman; true intimacy. He vowed that no one would ever take that away.

Turns out Faustus didn’t get the chance to talk to Theo about the play or anything else. Early on Monday morning, even before the 1st-morning bell, Theo slipped and fell on the floor. Bruising his neck and breaking his leg in 3 places. Theo had to take leave.

Cordelia sighed and sat back. “Dad, you’re killing me!” It was Monday evening and Cordelia sat at the kitchen table with her homework while Faustus stood a few feet away, finishing washing the dinner dishes. Zelda had just left to do a bed check at the academy. “What’s wrong, honey?” Faustus asked. “You know what’s wrong.” His daughter frowned. “I’m the first 1 up tomorrow to read my family tree essay in front of the whole class. What were you thinking when you handed out this assignment.” “I was thinking that we all have families and all the class could share in it. So, what’s wrong? Isn’t your essay finished?” “Oh, it’s finished, all right,” said Cordelia. “And come tomorrow morning everyone in grades 7 and 8 will know that I’m descended from nothing but witches and warlocks. There’s not a mortal in the bunch, well, except for Sabrina, of course. So I figure if I read my essay at 10:15, they should be burning me at the stake on the school’s front lawn by 10:30.” Faustus rolled his eyes and wiped his hands on a towel. “Don’t be overdramatic, Cordy. Bring your essay over here please.” Cordelia got up from the table and, with the pile of papers, went over to her father. Once Faustus had the papers in his hands, he spoke in Latin and for a moment, the essay glowed bright orange before he gave it back. “There.” “What did you do?” “I fixed it. Now, the word witch is replaced with the word countess and a warlock is now an earl. It should read just as well.” Cordelia raised an eyebrow. “You spelled my homework?! You’ve never done that before.” “Don’t get any ideas, Cordy. It’s only a 1-time thing. To keep us all safe.” Faustus took another look around the room to see if anything else needed to be cleaned. He saw a book on the table. Faustus didn’t even need to move to know that it was the novel called ‘the witch’. The book Nina had assigned for English. He gestured with his head. “How is that?” “Very odd,” Cordelia answered. “And it’s certainly fiction.” “What makes you say that?” Cordelia walked back to the table and picked up the book, flipping through the pages. “This is a direct quote, ‘A witch is always a woman…There is no such thing as a male witch.’” Cordelia put down the book, frowned. “Now we both know that’s not true.” “The author is a man, right?” Faustus shrugged. “Sound like someone is trying to shift blame.” Cordelia had not thought of that, but the thought did make her smile. Faustus was right. Cordelia’s essay went over well the next day. She actually felt good about it and managed to hold on to the positive feelings until the mid-morning break. The class was just letting out when a secretary posted something on a nearby bulletin board. It was a signup sheet for play auditions, starting that very afternoon. The triplets and Sara were the first to sign up, then they handed the pen to Cordelia. Cordelia took a step back. “No, thanks.” Erin frowned. “What’s wrong, Cord?” “Nothing, I would just prefer to work backstage.” Erica lifted an eyebrow. “Since when are you shy?” “See? I told you guys that she would see herself to be too good for our play.” Sara cut in. “I didn’t say that!” Cordelia snapped. It was Emily who tried to keep the peace. “But the 5 of us always do everything together.” No, Cordelia thought angrily. The 4 of us always used to do everything together. Sara just showed up a month ago. As Cordelia dealt with her friends, Faustus stood in the classroom doorway when a smiling Nina walked up to him. “I’m glad we’re co-directing this play. It will give us more time together.” Faustus held her skin as she tried to hold his hand. Wordlessly, he just sighed and walked away. Great. More time with Nina Robinson, exactly what he didn’t want.

The rest of the school week was filled with play rehearsals and family tree presentations. Being from the same family, the triplets were allowed to present their essay together. On Friday, it was time for Sara to read her essay. Cordelia didn’t care to pay attention so she picked up a pencil and did some math. So she was only half-listening when Sara said, “Turns out I’m descended from a judge from the Salem witch trials.” Cordelia dropped her pencil and buried her face into her palm. Of course, Sara’s family was from Salem. Of course, they freakin’ were! 20 minutes later, the class clapped as Sara finished her report. “Sickening,” Cordelia muttered. “Do you have a problem with my report, Cordelia?” “Yes, I believe I do. I understand that you can’t choose your family or where you come from but you spoke so proudly of your relatives from Salem.” Sara shrugged. “Maybe I am.” Cordelia got up and went up to Sara. “You’re proud to be related to a man whose job it was to murder people?!” “It was his job. His civil duty.” “It’s still murder!” Cordelia insisted. “Calm down, will you?” Sara asked. “It’s not like witches are real people.” “Miss Spellman,” Nina finally stepped in. “Please return to your seat. Sara was nice enough to listen to your report.” Cordelia’s hand curled up in a fist, but only Faustus saw it and covered it with his own as he whispered into his daughter’s ear. “You have every reason to be upset. But she finished now, the worst is over.

Yet, it wasn’t. The following Tuesday afternoon, during English class, everyone was asked to hand in their novel, Witches, and their notes about it. Cordelia, for one, was glad to be rid of it. But then, Nina rolled in a TV and DVD player. “Now I know that they just did a remake of this movie but the 1991 version will work just as well.” Faustus allowed his 7th graders to watch the movie as well. It was a little silly yet seemingly harmless. Until the so-called ‘witches’ met in a hotel ballroom, locked the doors, and took off their faces-which were all rubber masks. Now all the normal-looking women looked like wrinkled old crones. Except the 1 they called the grand high witch. To call her a wrinkled old crone would be an insult to old crones! 1 moment, she was a lovely woman, the next, a monster. She had little white hairs growing out of every part of her body except on her head. Her spotty skin could have seen on her back which was as uneven as her very long nose. Her ears were large and bat-like and her eyes were not of this world. It happened so fast and cause such shock that it caused Faustus’s mouth to fall open. As soon as the shock wore off, Faustus looked for Cordelia. “Oh no.” He saw that look in his daughter’s eyes before and he doubted that a mere TV and a DVD player set stood a chance against the divine child. Only the kids in the front room saw the glass on the screen crack but everyone saw when the golden sparks flew from the television. Then the TV went black. A moan from the hallway instantly told Faustus that the power had gone out all over school. A boy looked out the window and remarked, “Hey, looks like there’s a blackout all over town!” Meanwhile, without asking permission or bothering with a hall pass, Cordelia got up and left. Faustus rushed after her. “Cordelia!” Faustus entered the hallway just in time to see his daughter duck into the girls’ room. He went in with caution but when he was sure no one else was there, he locked the door. In the last stall, Faustus noticed that there was fresh vomit in the toilet and a white foot coming out of the wall. Faustus gently nudged the foot with his own and the shoe color returned and the rest of his daughter emerged from the wall. Faustus tried to keep things light. “You have to work on your hiding spells.” However, Cordelia would have none of it. Her face was bright red, and there were plump, hot tears fresh on her cheeks. “Is that how they see us?” She asked. “That we all are evil, gruesome creatures who are out to murder foul-smelling mortal children?” “Oh, honey.” Faustus grabbed a bunch of toilet paper before he sat down and drew Cordelia into his lap, just like he did when she was little. “Darling, you know that’s not true. That was a stupid movie based on a book by a writer, who as you told me yourself doesn’t believe in male witches.” “No.” She insisted as Faustus wiped her tears. “A book can be 1 person’s opinion but it takes a whole lot of people to make a movie.” “You’re right, but that movie has nothing, I repeat, nothing to do with us. And I can prove it.” Cordelia put her head on Faustus’s shoulder. “You can?” He nodded. “The main character is called the Grand High Witch. You and I both know that there is no such title. The highest title in a coven is a high priest or a high priestess. Speaking of your mother, she is 100% witch but she is also a great beauty as well as a professional midwife and teacher. 2 jobs directly related to children, who she would never hurt.” “But why do mortals do this? Why are witches always the bad guy?” “Hmm, good question.” Said Faustus. “I think it’s a paradox. Mortals love to be scared, yet mortals fear the unknown. So they put all their fears in these characters and called them witches. The mortals who don’t believe think there isn’t anyone to offend and even those who do believe, don’t realize that we have our own faith, our own laws, and society, our own world and therefore, have no need or desire to steal theirs.” “You’re really smart, you know that Dad?” “Thank you.” Faustus looked at his watch. “We should be getting back.” “No, I can’t. I can’t go back in there.” “There’s a blackout. I’m pretty sure that means no more movie for today.” “But they’ll still be talking about it.” Cordelia pointed out. “I’m telling you Dad, I have reached my limit for now.” Faustus sighed. “Okay, since there are only 20 minutes of school left for today, go lay down in the nurses’ station, and then we’ll go home.” Cordelia’s half-smile made them both feel a little bit better.

The pre-teen witch wasn’t the only 1 having a bad week. The triplets were understandingly upset when their father moved out of the family home earlier in the week. To cheer her girls and herself up, Mrs. Warner bought tickets to a magic show and because the show was on the day before the girls’ monthly sleepover, she got 2 extra tickets for Cordelia and Sara. They were even invited to sleepovers on Friday night as well as on Saturday. The magic show took place in a nearby town, so they showed up early and decided to browse the local shops. It was there that Cordelia got the feeling that she was being followed and she was right. The boy followed Cordelia as she and her friends went from shop to shop. However, he lost sign of Cordelia when the others approached the theater and he hid in an alleyway. “Why are you following me?” The boy turned to an annoyed Cordelia behind him, her arms crossed. “I have gotten so tired of Mother and Adam acting so lovey dovely all the damn time so I decided to come to the surface and visit you. Mother was right. You are pretty.” He tried to touch her face, but Cordelia dodged him. “Hold on there! ‘Visiting’ would imply that we know each other. I’ve never seen you before in my life.” The boy seemed genuinely puzzled. “I’m Alexander Morningstar, the crowned prince of hell.” Something clicked in Cordelia’s mind. “You’re Lilith’s son?” “Yes, and you may call me Zander if you like. Now, I have a question for you. Why are you and those other witches from your coven going to see a mortal magic show? Don’t you know that stuff is all smoke and mirrors?” “Well, my friends are mortals so- “ Zander looked horrified. “You associate with mortals? Willingly? That must stop. It’s unbecoming for the future queen of hell.” Cordelia raised an eyebrow. “Did you just call me the future queen of hell? How on earth do you figure that?” “Well, we are betrothed, so obviously when I become king- “ “Hold on, did you just say betrothed? As in engaged? You’re crazy! I’m only 12!” “So am I but it’s not up to us. It was all arranged by my mother and your parents when we were just infants.” Cordelia shook her head. “Now I know you’re lying. My parents would never do that to me.” Before Zander could respond, a voice called out. “Cordelia? Where are you?” “Coming, Mrs. Warner!” “Are those mortals bothering you? I could kill them for you if you like.” “No! You are not going to kill my friends! Go home to your mother!” Cordelia ordered. “Don’t walk away from me!” “Go!” Zander flew through the air and hit the wall at the end of the alleyway. “You have got to learn to control your divine powers.” Yet, Cordelia was already gone.

Faustus loved making love to his wife. In fact, he could make love to Zelda morning, noon, and night and still crave more of her. Therefore, he had no objection when Zelda woke him up early on Saturday morning and began to make love to him. They were both breathing heavily when she rolled off of him. “See? I told you I always get my man.” Faustus was shocked and horrified to see Zelda transform into Nina. “NO!” Faustus screeched as he sat up in bed. “Darling? What is it? What’s wrong?” Faustus turned to see the real Zelda lying beside him and he felt his lip begin to tremble. “Darling, I’m been unfaithful!” “What?!” It was now Zelda’s turn to jolt up in bed. She was angry, but only for a moment until Faustus explained about his dream. Then she smiled and shook her head. “Faustus, my darling, how many times must we go through this? It was only a dream and dreams don’t mean anything.” “I know! I know!” Faustus muttered. “But why did it had to be about Nina Robinson? I don’t want that woman anywhere near my mind, this house and certainly not our bed! It’s bad enough that I can’t escape that woman during the day! We share the same classroom, now we’re forced to codirect that damn play together. In fact, there’s another rehearsal this afternoon, so- “ “So, no wonder she’s on your mind. But mortals do not use glamour spells so it’s unlikely your dream will come true.” “It was more like a nightmare,” Faustus muttered. Soon Zelda had calmed her husband and as they lay side by side, Faustus wondering why Zelda was suddenly silent. “Penny dreadful for your thoughts, my love?” “This is going to seem like an odd question since we had our own affair, but why was it that once you cheated on Constance left, right, and sideways without the slighted hint of guilt but you seemed ready to cry at the mere thought of being unfaithful to me?” “I wasn’t loyal to Constance because I never felt that I need to. Yes, we were married, but as you know, she was not my choice. At the wedding, I was just saying words, not vows. With you, it’s the exact opposite. I’ve loved you since I was 16. Your name is carved on my heart. I have spent years, decades dreaming, yearning to be your husband and the father of our children. Now, that Hecate has seen fit to bless me with all I could desire if I ever lost you for my own stupid, avoidable actions, I would never be able to forgive myself. I think that’s why these dreams freak me out so much. It’s not just about me having affairs, it really hurts that because of that damn curse that I can’t trust myself not to hurt you. I hate that.” “Then it’s a good thing that I trust you whole heartily,” Zelda said softly before she kissed him. During the kiss, they could hear whining and scratching at the door. “What’s wrong, Tom? You want out?” Zelda got out of bed and patted her familiar before she opened the door to let the dog out and then Zelda got an idea, took off her underwear, and returned to the bed. “You know, Faustus,” Zelda said as she slowly undid the cord of her husband’s PJs pants and exposed his manhood. “what I think you need right now is a good detraction.” Zelda kissed him deeply as she climbed on top of him. She broke the kiss only long enough to yank her nightgown over her head. As they reached their shared climax, Zelda moaned and bent back as Faustus left a trail of kisses from her stomach to her rib cage. “Feeling better?” Zelda smiled at him in the afterglow. Faustus smiled back. “After such a sweet distraction, how can’t I?” “Good.” Zelda leaned over and kissed him deeply again. It took everything Faustus had to stop her. “Dearest, you know I want this, but if we are missed at breakfast, they might come up here.” “Faustus, there is no ‘they’ to miss us. Cordy still at the Warners, Jake, and Ambrose decided to go with Dr. Cerberus to something called a comic a con.” Faustus propped himself on his elbow. “Are you saying that we have the house all to ourselves? That never happens! Well, the heaven with breakfast,” Zelda laughed as Faustus rolled onto her, pinning her arms down. “I say we celebrate!” Her husband declared. And boy, did they celebrate! They made love for hours. They even felt like breaking out their old toys, the whips, chains, and the cat of 9 trails. Faustus laid back, sighing contently when he noticed that Zelda was up and reaching for her robe. “Where do you think you’re going?” “Downstairs,” Zelda answered. “It’s almost 2 p.m. and we’ve missed breakfast and lunch, I’m hungry. Besides, I need to keep my strength up for the 2nd round.” “In that case, I’ll come with you.” Down in the kitchen, Zelda and Faustus talked, laughed, and flirted as they made a meal together. Zelda chuckled as Faustus kissed her behind her ear as she stirred the pot. They both looked up as a knock came at the front door. “I’ll get it.” Faustus was in great spirits, however, he lost his smile as soon as he opened the door. “Faustus, baby!” “Mrs. Robinson, to what do I owe this unexpected visit?” “Oh Faustus, how many times do I have to tell you? You don’t have to be so formal? Just call me Nina.” “And how many times do I have to tell you? If there was a more formal way to call you than Mrs. Robinson, I would call you that. Now, what do you want?” Faustus demanded. Nina looked around before asking. “Where’s Cordelia?” “At a friend’s house.” “Great.” Before Faustus could figure out what was happening, Nina had stepped forward, grabbed him, and kissed him. Faustus struggled for a second before finally pushing her away. “What on earth are you doing?!” “Your daughter is in our class. I finally figured out that you don’t want Cordelia to tell your wife about us. That’s why you pretend not to like me at school.” For the love of Hecate! Faustus rolled his eyes. “I’m not pretending anything! I don’t like you. I never liked you and I never will like you.” They talked more and hearing voices, Zelda came out of the kitchen. She could only see Nina from behind. “Can I help you?” Nina turned. “Yes. You can leave us alone.” Nina only got madder when Zelda came to join them. “Faustus, tell your employee to give us some privacy.” Faustus put an arm around Zelda. “This isn’t my employee. This is Zelda, my wife.” Nina pointed. “This is Zelda…but I’m so prettier than her.” “No, all you are is rude,” Faustus grabbed Nina’s arm and guided her out the door. “You’re also out of here.” Faustus shut the door in her face. Nina went down 4 steps when the door opened. “You can handle this afternoon’s rehearsal by yourself, right?” Faustus asked. “I suddenly feel very sick.” He made a lame attempt at a fake cough and slammed the door again.

“Look, I’m not saying I don’t think the play is not good or anything. I just don’t think it’s great yet.” Sara said. Cordelia felt like screaming. Last night’s magic show had been fun, once she was able to put that odd boy and his crazy comments out of her mind. By the time they were back in Greendale, it was too late to do anything but sleep. The morning seemed peaceful enough she supposed, but the play rehearsal this afternoon took hours. Somehow, on the walk back to the Warner house, the subject of the Greendale 13 came up. Sure enough, right after supper, Cordelia followed her friend back into the cold October night to go visit Mary Wardwell. Cordelia wasn’t happy at all to see the very woman who shot and nearly killed her own mother. They finally stop talking about Greendale 13, only to start talking about the play again! Sara lit up. “I just got a great idea. I mean it, I’m a total genius! We should go to Salem ourselves. I mean, we should take the whole class on a field trip. To really understand the play.” “You’re right, that’s a great idea!” “Yeah, we should totally go to Salem!” “Cool!” Cordelia felt very uncomfortable as all eyes looked at her. “Um, I got to pee.” She grabbed her PJs and ran down the hallway to the bathroom. “Calm down,” Cordelia told herself in the mirror. “No one is going to Salem. They’re just thinking out loud.” After taking 5 minutes to calm down and get undressed, Cordelia returned to the triplet’s bedroom to find all the other girls on their phones. “What are you guys doing?” Cordelia asked. “We’re looking up how to get to Salem. Look guys, it says Salem is just 7 hours away by car.” So much for just thinking out loud. “Look, guys, I don’t think a field trip to Salem is such a good idea. If it takes 7 hours to get there, it would take 7 more to get back. That’s 14 hours in travel alone and suddenly we’re on an overnight trip. Given that the play is next Friday, I don’t think we have the time to fundraise enough.” “Typical Cordelia, always with the negative,” Sara muttered. “Oh, shut up, Sara!” “Lay off, Sara,” defended Erin. “She has been a better friend to us than you’re ever been!” “Why?!” demanded a hurt Cordelia. “Just because I didn’t want to act in a stupid play?” Emily spoke up. “Excuse you, but we chose that play!” Cordelia crossed her arms. “Why do I get the feeling that Sara picked the play and the 3 of you just went along with it because the longer we know Sara, the more you’re turning into sheep. If I’m right, it begs the question, why would a self-proclaimed Wiccan chose a play about the Salem witch trials?” “’ Self-proclaimed? It’s like you don’t believe me.” “I don’t. In fact, I think you’re lying about the whole thing.” Cordelia had to raise her voice against the triplets’ outcry. “Name 1 magical thing you’ve done since moving to Greendale.” Sara looked Cordelia right in the eye and said “I summoned the fear demon.” You remembered. Cordelia thought as the triplets showered Sara with awe. The fight continued for another hour, with raised voices and hot tempers. “Enough, I can’t stand this anymore!” Erin finally said. “Cordelia, I think it’s time you leave.” “What? Why me?” “Because you’re the 1 who started this fight.” Cordelia didn’t know about that but she was aware of the time. “You really want me to leave? Now? It’s 10:30 at night. I live across town; Sara lives down the street. Why doesn’t she leave?” No one said anything. Cordelia saw all the girls frowning all at once. Cordelia didn’t know what to think, but she knew the triplets had never thrown her out before. “Fine!” Cordelia stood up and swallowed back her tears. “I’m not going to stay anywhere where I’m not welcome.” Cordelia got redressed and gathered up her things before leaving the house. She secretly wished 1 of the triplets were stop her but no one did. Once the front door closed, Cordelia took out her phone and called Zelda. “Mom? The triplets threw me out. Can you come to pick me up please?” “Oh, Cordy. Your father and I are not home right now and- “ “Mom? Mom?!” Cordelia realized her phone was dead just as it started to drizzle. “Just perfect!” Seeing no other choice, Cordelia flipped up her neck collar and then drew the jean jacket closer to her body and ran all 5 blocks to Dr. C’s bookstore. The shop had been closed for hours, so the preteen took a detour and knocked as she could on the steel back door. She gave a huge sigh of relief when Hilda answered the door. “Thank Hecate, you’re here! I’m sorry for disturbing you this late, aunt Hil, but I didn’t know where else to go. The girls and I had a huge fight, the triplets threw me out of their house, but I don’t blame them, blame Sara. Now they’re talking about going to Salem. I can’t get a hold of Mom because my phone died and- and- “Cordelia burst into tears. Hilda hugged her niece close and then ushered her inside. After a quick phone call, Hilda discovered that Zelda was at the movies, in the middle of a double feature with Faustus and Sabrina. Hilda managed to convince her sister not to change her plans because Hilda wanted to spend some much overdue alone time with her night daughter. It was just after midnight that Cordelia put on her nightclothes for the 2nd time that evening. Since Dr. C was gone for the night, Hilda insisted that her niece share her bed for the night. The remote was on the bed so Cordelia jumped when she sat down and the TV turned on. “I’m sorry, Auntie H, I didn’t know the remote was on the bed.” “Oh, that’s okay, love. Looks like you literary just fell upon a classic, bewitched!” “Aw, the only witch show in pop culture that does make me want to scream, cry or throw up,” Cordelia said while getting under the covers. Hilda nodded. “You know every time I see this show, I think about your Uncle Edward and Aunt Diana.” “And a gender swap.” Hilda nodded. “Also, call me crazy, but little Tabitha always reminds me of Sabina as a baby.” Cordelia smiled, for she knew that there was a strong, powerful red-haired witch on the show. “Would that make Mom Endora?” The 2 witches looked at each other and laughed. It felt so good for Cordelia couldn’t remember how long ago she laughed so hard.

As hard as Cordelia laughed on Saturday night, she cried even harder on Wednesday afternoon. Zelda had to let her daughter cry on her shoulder for over an hour before Zelda got the full story. Apparently, Principal Hopper came in at the end of the day and announced that he had just discovered an envelope marked for the Salem trip on his desk had 5000 dollars in it. That, on top of parents’ donations, made the trip possible. They would travel on a deluxe bus and would be in Salem for 3 days and 2 nights. They would leave the day after tomorrow. It was unbelievable that this trip was put together in a mere 6 days. “I’m 12-year-old, Mom,” Cordelia said, tears streaming down her face. “I don’t want to die.” “You’re not going to die, Cordy.” “Your mother is right,” Faustus said, coming into Cordelia’s bedroom. “I may have lost complete control of my classroom but I am still your father. I say you’re not going to Salem and neither am I! That is final!”

It was final and none of the rest of the family ever bought up the subject. It was on Friday morning and in the middle of breakfast, Zelda looked around. “Where’s Cordelia? Her food is getting cold.” “I think she’s still in bed.” Said Jake. Faustus raised an eyebrow. “At this hour? You know your sister isn’t much for sleeping in. Even if she and I were excused from school today since the rest of the class left for Salem this morning.” “I know, but I bumped into her in the hall at 5 this morning. She was so excited to get a text from 1 of the triplets saying they didn’t want to leave without making up.” Faustus and Zelda exchanged a look. After their big fight, Cordelia and her friends hadn’t spoken in 5 days. The longest they ever went without speaking. When they did manage to talk yesterday, it only took Cordelia saying that she wasn’t going to Salem, to start the fighting again. “5 AM is pretty early and Cordy said she was going down to the school to talk to them for 10 minutes so that’s why I think she’s still asleep.” Jake continued. “I go get her.” “Thank you, Ambrose,” Zelda said before turning back to the boys at the table. “We have to make this a fun and busy weekend for Cordy so she won’t think of the triplets or Salem too much.” “Sure, Mom.” Jake nodded as Faustus kissed his wife’s hand. A few minutes later, Ambrose rushed back in. “I’ve looked everywhere upstairs; I can’t find Cordelia. She’s gone!” “Gone?” “What do you mean she’s gone?!” “Hecate, no!” The 3 looked back to Faustus, who was now looking at his phone and had suddenly turned whiter than a ghost. “Darling, what is it?” “I just got an S.O.S text from Cordy. She’s stuck on that bus and it’s bound for Salem.”

#chilling adventures of sabrina #caoz #chapter 18 #fanfic #zelda spellman and faustus blackwood #spellwood #zelda spellman #faustus blackwood #hilda spellman #ambrose spellman #sabrina spellman #prudence blackwood #dr c #lilith #cordelia spellman #jake spellman #lj spellman #please comment #please reblog

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ttooccaa · 4 years

Text

The impeccable timing of everything - Chapter 3

3/5

Guess who completely forgot they also post here... heh...

Rating: Teen

Ao3 link

Chapter 3: Slipping through my fingers

Central City

November 24, 8:30 PST

Bart was sweating, he was currently on his morning run around the neighborhood. He knew he didn’t really need to be that slow, but it felt good just to run like a regular person around a world that wasn’t apocalyptic and filled with fear and dread. He felt his phone buzz, it momentarily silenced his music, he swiftly fished it out of his pocket. As soon as he saw that Ed had texted him he slowed down to a jog and then completely stopped. Bart leaned against a graffitied wall that said “SHAZAM!” in huge red and yellow letters. The handsome face of the hero was also there. He opened up his chat with Ed.

stressED: What is up, my dude? 😎

A child that was hurt™: getting my gains

Bart though for a moment and then quickly took a selfie. He looked at it for a second and swiftly deleted it, then he took another one, that went to the trash as well. After a couple more tries he sent the one he hated the least. He waited and felt his heart stop at Ed not answering immediately. He finally felt his phone ping and opened the message almost with superspeed.

stressED: what a stud 😏

A child that was hurt™: Thanks

stressED: I was talking about Shazam

Just as Bart felt his heart go up his throat until he received another text.

stressED: kidding!

Bart heard himself audibly sigh, but then caught himself. He obviously knew that Ed was joking from the beginning, but just when had such little things started to affect him so much. Perhaps around the time he started noticing Ed’s light dusting of freckles or that his smile was always a little crooked to the left or that his eyes shone almost like he had little specks of gold in them… he was so whipped. He returned his attention back to his phone.

A child that was hurt™: and u?

stressED: Just finished telling Kate’s parents where she’s at, also the correctional facility where Wayne stayed and his uncle as well. Also informed Kole’s foster home. I know that they basically sold her out, but it’s policy.

A child that was hurt™: Sounds like it went well

stressED: All of them, pieces of work. Kate’s parents basically told me to fuck off, Wayne’s uncle said that he won’t pay for the center, didn’t listen to me at all! The foster home and juvie denied either had ever stayed with them

A child that was hurt™: Geez, rough. Maybe we’ll find evidence today that will prove that they were involved, put ‘em in jail and all that good stuff

stressED: Hah, yeah I sure hope so

stressED: Moving on to lighter topics, I’m getting everything ready for Kate, Kole and Wayne

A child that was hurt™: It’s power testing and training day!

stressED: Hope the Center manages to survive this time as well. We are still grieving the loss of room C5

A child that was hurt™: RIP

stressED: forever in our hearts 😪

stressED: Good luck on the mission

A child that was hurt™: Thanks, I’ll make sure to bring you a souvenir 😉

stressED: Just make sure you get back safe

A child that was hurt™: Will do, amigo.

stressED: Kick some trafficker’s ass for me 😤😤😤

A child that was hurt™: Anytime, also good luck with the golden trio

stressED: Golden trio?

A child that was hurt™: 😉😉😉

stressED: Whatever… love talking to you, but gg

A child that was hurt™: bye⚡️

Bart briefly looked at Ed’s picture in his phone and grinned even wider – it was a close up of his face, Ed was mid teleportation, the gold around him shining and engulfing parts of his face. He had one eyebrow raised and was grinning mischievously. His honey brown eyes were looking at something to the right. It was a great picture that had happened by complete accident, though Bart was very grateful for it.

Jaime would often complain that Ed was the only one with a good picture in his phone, but come on. Jaime’s was hilarious, it was him laying on the ground in pain, because Traci had accidentally sent a small rock flying towards his nuts. She was leaning behind him, apologising so much that her mouth was a blur. Truly a classic.

Bart quickly realised that he’d been leaning against the wall and grinning at his phone for a good chunk of time, so he put it back in his pocket and continued his slow jog with renewed energy.

Taos

November 24, 9:45 MST

Ed felt like he was going to faint, well not really, but damn the feelings had hit him so hard he just felt overwhelmed. How could Bart just casually send him such a picture?! Ed had seen the other teen many times flushed and sweaty, but it was always during training or a mission, staring at him could get him hurt or cost him his life. The little glimpses didn’t compare to a picture. So yeah, maybe he’d forgotten how to breath for a second and maybe he’d also saved the picture, but could you really blame him? He was just a guy with a crush after all.

He took a big breath and checked that he was still alone in the room and nobody had seen his little panic attack. Ed was getting the room they used for meta-human power testing and training. There was a huge reinforced glass between where the metas will be, the people outside the glass will be there to keep track of the metas’ vitals and and so on and so fort. His father also wanted Ed outside because things could always go awry with metas who couldn’t control their powers. But Ed knew that due to his teleportation, it was better to be inside, Wendy wasn’t the only one who’d lost control over her powers. During those times Ed became especially useful.

He was putting in some commands into the computer, when he checked the time, 10:00 am, that means that Neut and the others will be arriving soon, also the STAR labs appointed scientists and doctors here to watch over their training and make sure everything goes on smooth. Well as smooth as it could be when dealing with emotionally unstable teenagers with recently received powers.

He heard the automatic door open and turned to see the head doctor and his team coming into the room.

Ed went over to them “Hi, Dr. Wilcox.”

The man gave him one of tight smiles and shook his hand “Good, to see you again, Eduardo.”

Ed smiled in return, while his relationship with Dr. Wilcox wasn’t the best, due to still harbouring memories of being tested on by him, Ed knew that the doctor was a good guy and even better at his job.

The doctor sat down in front of one of the computers “I read the report you sent in about their powers, but is there more you could tell me?”

“Well we know that Kate can “melt” stuff and that Wayne similarly to Thirteen can influence the world around him. Kole still hasn’t shows us her powers, but we know it’s something similar to crystallisation.” Ed explained.

Just as he was about to text Neut to tell him to bring everybody in, the automatic doors opened and the other youth counselor came in, with Kate, Kole and Wayne in tow. Kole was holding onto Nathaniel’s arm and smiling brightly. She was almost hanging off of it.

All three of them looked times better then when they first came in, their original clothes had been washed and cleaned, so the teens had opted for a combination of both their clothes and those issued by the center.

Kate was wearing high waisted jeans with a loose Meta-human Youth Center T-shirt tucked in. Her longe blonde hair was falling around her shoulders.

Kole had a blue, cloth tied around her head like a headband, a purple skirt with stockings with holes in them and a blue zipped up hoodie. The blue really made her orange hair pop.

Since Wayne had come in in a plain T-shirt and pants (which he later explained were his uniform in juvie) he was wearing clothes from the center, simple grey sweats and a black T-shirt. He was definitely the most upset at not having any of his regular clothes with him, missing his leather jacket the most, though Ed had promised to help him, maybe arrange for him to go back to his uncle’s and get some stuff, but only after this whole thing had blown over.

Ed went over to them and grinned at Neut “What timing! I was just about to text you.”

The other counselor just smiled and shrugged “We’ve known each other for how long now?”

“Fair point.” The Argentinian mused, then turned towards the teens “Ready to unleash those powers?”

Kate smirked “Hell yeah!”

Wayne just rolled his eyes “Let’s get this over with.”

Ed smiled good-naturally and moved towards the doctors “Just so know, everything is recorded, that’s so it can be analysed later. This is Dr. David Wilcox, he is the head scientist, if you have any questions, turn towards him. When we are done, we will compile everything we know and write up reports on your powers, you’ll receive a copy, of course.”

The dark haired man nodded towards them, then turned around and continued adjusting things on the screen in front of him.

Ed mentioned for the other metas to follow him inside the space used for testing. They did albeit Wayne was a bit reluctant.

As they were entering Neut said “You’ll do great and if you don’t, it doesn’t matter, just don’t blow anything up!” He gave them a wide grin and a thumbs up.

Ed shook his head, but was smiling. He hoped the lame joke would ease a bit of their worries, when the door clicked closed behind them, he started talking “Okay, so we will start one at a time, each of you will show their power, don’t be nervous if you don’t have full control of it or anything like that, if you can’t do it at first, again, it’s okay, just concentrate.”

“I’ll start.” Kole volunteered.

She closed her bright green eyes and concentrated. Her right arm started to slowly harden and change in color, the surface became shiny and smooth, like a crystal. It had a pinkish hue to it. She opened her eyes “Alright!”

Ed nodded “Okay then, let’s see what you can do.”

Kole smirked, she raised her arm and aimed towards one of the targets not so far away, a couple of crystal shards flew, but didn’t come near the target, they were small and fragile and the moment they hit the ground they broke. She sighed, her expression sad.

Wayne made a noise of amusement and was swiftly hit in the arm by Kate’s elbow.

“Hey!”

She gave him an annoyed look, that appeared even more threatening because of their height difference, Kate being almost one head taller than him.

He closed his mouth then rolled his eyes and looked the other way.

Kole’s expression turned sour, anger and annoyance clear on her face. As her emotions became more erratic and panic overtook her, she quickly started losing control over her powers. The crystallization started to grow, it went over her neck reaching her face. That just added to her panic. The crystals became jagged and started tearing up her hoodie. Their light pink color turned dark. She was panicking and waving her arms around “Not the hoodie!”

Kate and Wayne looked like they were on the verge of panic themselves. Looking at each other and Kole frantically.

‘Well, that was just a matter of time.’ Ed took in a big breath, he knew that telling her to calm down wouldn’t do her any good, the one who should remain calm was Ed. He started talking “Kole, listen to me, focus on my voice.” She turned her wide eyes at him. “I want you to close your eyes and concentrate, breath with me.” He continued instructing her, while Kole slowly started to calm down. Slowly, but surely the crystals started to disappear, turning back into her regular skin.

Ed sighed, relived, while Kole herself looked emotionally drained.

“Thanks.”

Ed smiled “Of course.”

Kole slowly picked at the gashes in her hoodie left by the crystals, she looked sad.

The blonde came up behind her and put her hand on her shoulder “I think it looks cooler, very grungy!”

She looked over her shoulder at Wayne. He was quick to join in “Yeah, totally.” There was a twinge of regret in his eyes.

The Argentinian just sighed “Want to take a brake?”

The other three nodded.

Ed smiled and started walking towards the automatic doors, while the doors were opening he thought ‘I hope Bart’s doing better than me.’

Hollywood

November 24, 9:47 PDT

Bart had completely zoned out of the meeting. He knew he should be listening but at this point they were just saying the same things over and over again. He looked at Jaime, who looked bored, but was at least pretending to listen, while Virgil, well Virgil looked like he was somewhere else entirely, at least mentally.

Bart sighed and his mind continued to drift away, of course the first thing he thought of was Ed, it still slightly bothered him when Ed had just left him hanging for a bit during their morning chat, but he was sure he was overthinking… or at least hoping he was.

For now he decided to focus on more pleasant topics regarding Ed, like his cute accent and his amazing ass. Sometimes he would imagine what a date with him would be like, he’d never been on one and he wanted to see if it was like in the movies. Jaime and Cassie told him that it was like hanging out, except with a lot more physical contact, Bart didn’t mind the idea of that, not one bit.

But still doubts would creep in his thoughts, doubts like what if he was wrong about all of this? What if Ed had lost interested? What if he actually liked somebody else the entire time, but was just nice? What if the little flirting made him uncomfortable rather than flattered? ‘Feelings are too hard, man. They jump up and down and make your whole head a mess.’ He thought while twirling a pencil at superspeed between his fingers.

Finally the mission discussion was over. All of the teens got up, Virgil stretched and Bart heard the slight cracking of his joints. Technically the teens didn’t have anything else to do today, only classes but they were later this day. Bart promptly told everybody he’ll be heading home, but decided to forgo the Zeta tube and run instead, good thing he was in suit.

Just as he was entering Arizona, he heard his phone ping. He grabbed it and saw that it was a text from Ed. He was surprised, he didn’t except Ed to be able to text him today, because of the metas. He texted him back, still running home to Central. Apparently things had gone just as Ed had excepted, though he had hoped for better. They had a little recess going on right now and Ed asked Bart, if he wanted to come. That stopped the speedster dead in his tracks, he thought for a moment, then decided ‘Hell yeah, I can come.’ He texted the usual terrible pun, that all the Flashes used and headed towards Taos.

Taos

November 24, 11:12 MST

Ed was feeling a little nervous, though he didn’t know why, he saw Bart all the time, this time will be like all the others, but still… his excitement over seeing him definitely beat out the uneasiness. He was still surprised how he had just asked him to come, he’d done it before he even realised. Bart had said yes, so he must be free right? Ed hoped he wasn’t being a bother. He was waiting for the speedster outside the main entrance, before his thoughts could spiral further Bart had appeared next to him, a trail of dust like in cartoons falling to the ground behind him.

“Hey there, amigo!” Bart winked.

Ed nodded in greeting “Sorry, hope you weren’t busy.”

Bart just grinned “Never busy enough to decline seeing you.”

This resonated pleasantly with Ed, he smiled slightly embarrassed, a blush evident on his face.

They walked over to one of the benches and sat down. There was a tree right over it, so it made a pleasant shadow over the sun. Bart looked at Ed, who was wearing a dark red sweatshirt with desaturated stripes going in the middle, they were colored like the rainbow. He had light wash, high waisted jeans on, which were cuffed. He was also sporting a pair of dark yellow vans.

Bart was in his Kid Flash costume, which was good, because he could use his superspeed that way.

Ed started talking first “How has your day been?”

“Eh, pretty boring, honestly. Just had a meeting about the mission, I’m so over debriefing… it takes forever.”

Ed ran a hand through his dark and unruly curls “Even when you phase out?”

“Even when I phase out.”

“Ugh.” Ed rolled his eyes

“And you?”

Ed shook his head from side to side “Nothing I wasn’t expecting. Though, none of them want a collar, which is great. Also I’ve convinced them to come to one of the meetings were we talk about everything that has happened.”

Bart smirked “So group therapy.”

Ed rolled his eyes, but was smiling “It’s not technically group therapy.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Yeah.”

There was a pleasant silence between them, just enjoying the slightly chilly breeze, that November brought, but still Bart pondered why Ed had decided to call him over. Was there a reason? Or was it just like that? Was something bothering Ed? Did he want to tell him something?

Finally he decided to just ask “So it’s something up or…?”

Ed’s eyes moved over to him “Oh, well I guess, I just wanted to see you? Were you busy?”

Ed had just wanted to see him! Bart’s heart leaped with joy “No-not at all! I just, you know, wanna make sure you’re doing alright?” He was slightly red, hoping he hadn’t offended Ed.

The Argentinian smiled and looked straight at Bart “Yeah, I’m fine, again, I just… missed you, I suppose…” His blush was definitely growing by the end of that sentence. His hand had slowly moved towards Bart’s.

The speedster noticed this and also moved his hand closer, then stated to talk “I missed you too.” He had moved his hand over Ed’s. He was blushing hard, but screw it.

Both of the were leaning slowly closer to each other. None of them knew what exactly they were planning to do when they met in the middle, but they were sure they were gonna figure it out- but then a loud banging noise was heard from somewhere inside the Center. Both of them jerked away and looked at the building.

Bart started to talk “Do you think we should-“ he was cut off by another such noise.

“Definitely.” Ed nodded. He turned his hand around and held Bart’s, then both of them teleported to where Ed assumed the noise had come from.

He was right, it was the cafeteria. Inside of it, Wendy was up in a small tornado with sparks flying around Leslie and Andy half turned into mist. Half of one of the table was gone next to Kate, while Wayne was wobbling in the middle of it, until he finally fell down. Kole was just standing wide eyed in the middle of everything. There were pieces of food splattered on the ground.

Ed blinked once “What happened?”

“Oops, busted.” Leslie said and Wendy quickly got back on the ground.

Andy looked at him, then smirked and raised an eyebrow, indicating Bart and Ed’s still linked hands. Both teens blushed hard and let go of each other. Andy just rolled her eyes.

Ed sighed “I will repeat again, what happened and where is Neut?”

Wayne actually spoke from where he was getting up from the other side of the table “Some chick needed help.”

“Celia.” Kate was kind enough to clarify.

Ed put his hands on his hips “Okay, that’s one question answered, now the other one?”

He turned towards the three girls, who’d been here longer. Leslie was the first to speak up “I love it when you do that pose, it’s like I’m getting scolded by mom.” She chuckled.

“Leslie.” Ed dragged on her name, obviously tired.

“Okay, okay, I’ll talk, just don’t ground me.” She winked at end, grinning. “Well, we saw that the tree of them-“ She pointed towards Wayne, Kate and Kole “-weren’t training anymore and decided to say hi. Chatted for a bit, Kole asked us what our powers were.”

Ed cut her of “And you decided to show her…” He’d already heard that story a million times.

Leslie winked “Bingo!”

The Argentinian waited, but nothing, so he encouraged them “Okay and then?”

Wendy answered “Oh, you know, the usual, something went wrong. This time it was Kate getting scared and melting half the table, on which Wayne had gotten up after Leslie shocked him with a bit of electricity. Also he screwed up my tornado and one of the other tables went flying, hit the ceiling and fell down.” She pointed at what Ed assumed was a table, but now more resembled a beat up piece of metal. She was grinning all sweet like everything was a-okey.

Bart couldn’t help it and snorted at the sheer stupidity of the situation. Ed looked like he’d aged ten years, but also smiled.

“Okay then since you all seem so lively, we can get back to training.” He indicated for Kole, Kate and Wayne. “And you three-“ Ed turned towards the girls “clean up this mess and make a list of everything that needs replacing.”

All three of them groaned and he smirked “Come on, not the first time you’re doing this.”

“Exactly.” Andy’s dry tone replied.

Wayne, Kate and Kole headed for the testing room.

While Ed and Bart went into the hallway. Ed rubbed the back of his neck “Well, that happened.”

Bart chuckled “It sure did. Well since you have your hands full…”

“Yeah.”

Both of them were suddenly feeling embarrassed and self conscious, perhaps because of the handholding, perhaps because of the leaning in… Apparently, they both decided some things were better off left for later.

“Hey, thanks for coming, wish you could stay, but you know…” Ed indicted for the testing room with his head.

Bart nodded “Yeah…” The brunett sucked in a quick breath and continued talking “Wanna hang out some time?”

The Argentinian blinked “Like go out?”

The other teen nodded “Yeah, we haven’t, you know, had the time and… I like spending time with you.” He was feeling a bit awkward at the end.

Ed was a bit red as well “I’d... really like that.” Then he added quickly “I also like spending time with you!” He slightly bumped Bart’s shoulder with his fist at the end of the sentence.

“Text me, when you’re free, hermano! It’ll be totally crash!” Bart winked at the end.

“Likewise.” The teleporter smiled.

Bart gave him one last grin, before leaving in a streak of yellow, only leaving dust behind.

The short walk to the testing room was just the perfect amount of time Ed needed to have a small panic attack. ‘Go out?!’ He thought ‘Like a date?!’ He panicked for a bit more, which consisted of him coming up with various scenarios in which it was a date and it all went great and a couple overly exaggerated ones in which Bart was so disappointed he somehow left for the future.

Ed took one last breath and walked into the room, the other three metas were leaning against one of the desks on the outside of the enforced glass.

Wayne’s midwestern accent welcomed him soon after he entered the room “Took you long enough.”

“Chill out. He was just making plans with his boyfriend.” Kate said, grinning.

Ed was quick to retaliate “Boyfriend?! No, me and KF we are just uhh… friends… Okay, that right now isn’t important. C’mon.” He quickly changed the subject and headed towards the automatic doors of the training ground.

He turned around when he heard all three enter, Kate was still grinning, while Wayne was a bit red. Although for him blushing a bit was like getting burnt for most people, because of his pale complexion. Kole looked a bit nervous, but determined.

The Argentinian started talking “Okay, who’s next or do I have to choose?”

Kate stepped out of the uneven line “I can melt? Well it’s no exactly melt, disintegrate? Things. Is there something in here that needs to go?” She looked around.

Ed thought for a moment then went over to one of the chests, he came back with what looked like a bent out of shape batarang. “After they loose their shape this much, they are pretty useless for throwing, but they are still good for demonstrations.” He handed it over to Kate.

The blonde concentrated and her fingertips went through the metal. She twirled it around her pointer finger and turned towards Ed, her expression serious “I can control it pretty okey, but when I’m suddenly overtaken by a strong emotion, all that control just slips away.”

Ed nodded “Don’t worry, we can work that out. It’ll also be good to figure out what exactly you can and cannot “melt.” Though melt isn’t the right word, they just disappear as if dissolving to their molecular level.”

Kate tilted her head to the side “Well I haven’t tried it with anything organic or living and breathing.” She thought for a second, then turned towards her companion with a mohawk “I nominate Wayne to help out.”

“Hell no.” Came his immediate reply.

Ed chuckled “I’ll go get an apple or something for the organic test, though I’m not sure for the living and breathing one, maybe a plant?” He mused.

Kate laughed “I’m sure there are some weeds around the center.”

The peer counselor smirked, then turned towards Wayne.

The pale teen bit his lip and shrugged “I don’t know, man, I know I can screw around with people, but I’m not sure about inanimate objects.”

“Only one way to find out.” Said Kole as she took the abused batarang from Kate and placed it on the ground in front of Wayne. “The floor is yours.”

He rolled his eyes and looked at the batarang, he concentrated and narrowed his eyes, but nothing happened. Wayne groaned in frustration.

“Guess not.” Kate piped.

The pale teen turned towards her and rolled his eyes.

The Argentinian thought for a moment, the idea was stupid but it was worth a shot “What about me? We can try it out that way, if something goes wrong,

I can teleport and there’s also a medic nearby…” Ed thought for a second, he was more worried on putting the pressure of maybe hurting him on Wayne, rather than actually getting hurt.

“Well that’s a stupid ass idea.” Wayne said, crossing his arms.

“Kate has already been on the receiving end of it a few times.” Ed pointed out.

“That wasn’t on purpose!” Wayne said, before Kate gave him the side eye “Okay, most times it wasn’t purpose, also it was for a moment or two.” Wayne paused for a second “Am I really the only one worried here?” He turned towards the other three.

Kate shrugged “If he says he can do it, then he can do it.”

Kole joined her “I wanna see what happens!”

“Then it’s settled. You two go out.” Ed instructed and Wayne groaned behind him.

The Argentinian heard him mumble something along the lines of “I can’t believe I’m the one being responsible here…”

Ed turned towards Dr. Wilcox “Hey, doc, can you not tell my dad about what we’re about to do?”

The other man just sighed deeply.

Kate and Kole gave them thumbs ups from the other side of the glass.

The black haired teen turned towards Ed “Let’s get this show on the road.”

The peer counselor nodded. Wayne looked at him, suddenly a red ring appeared around his blue eyes and Ed felt lightheaded. He tried to step forward, but it was more of a weird wobble, his whole world felt like it had turned upside down. The feeling was similar to being hammered. His vision was getting slightly hazy, he tried to teleport on is left, but instead ended up slightly a step away from where he was originally standing. The longer this went on, the more nauseous and disoriented he felt. He wasn’t fighting it, it was an experiment after all. Ed decided enough was enough and made a timeout signal with his shaking hands. Suddenly all of the nausea was gone and Ed immediately sat on the ground.

He took a deep breath and looked at Wayne whose eyes were once again just blue “Well, that sucked.”

Wayne actually snorted “So what was it like it?”

“Like being really drunk.”

The other teen chuckled.

Then the voice of dr. Wilcox came through the speakers “I believe I can explain what happened a bit better, Wayne can create invisible waves that directly affect the primary motor cortex of the brain, that leads to motor skills like walking, understanding direction, keeping balance and so on being compromised.” He had shown a diagram of the human brain on one of the monitors.

Ed nodded “Makes sense, when I tried to teleport to the left, it didn’t work out.”

Suddenly Kate’s voice was heard from the speakers “Just call yourself Whisky man, Wayne!” She was leaning next to the doctor, who just looked done with their shenanigans.

Ed chuckled, but that only made his slight headache worse. Wayne rolled his eyes at her. He went over to Ed and held his hand out to him, Ed took it and got back on his feet.

Both Kate and Kole came back to the room actually looking pretty excited to continue learning about their powers and how to control them. Ed felt it was going to be a long and exhausting day.

Hollywood

November 24, 20:31 PDT

“What are you smiling for, ese?” Jaime suddenly appeared and leaned against Bart casually trying to look at his phone.

Bart put his phone in a pocket of his Kid Flash suit, made especially for the device and looked at his best friend “Just texting. Anyways, so Nightwing will be joining you?” He quickly changed the topic, he loved Jaime but lately he’s been a bit too invested in his “love life.”

Blue Beetle nodded “Though I am more surprised that Green Arrow will be with Alpha in Star City. I wasn’t expecting the League to be allowed to join in.”

Bart shrugged “Well we are trying to take down an intergalactic human trafficking ring. Also the laws regarding the League have been a bit more flexible after the Granny Goodness incident.” Bart looked over at their green skinned leader “Good call that he’s going to Star City, especially since the cops and media will be involved over there.” Bart struck a charming pose at the end as if wooing a reporter “He is a natural in front of the camera after all.”

Blue Beetle chuckled “Hope the cops don’t do anything stupid.”

“They will act only as back up.”

“That’s what they say, it’ll be fun explaining to the public afterwards that there were two more spots that we hit, without telling the forces over there.” Jaime mused already feeling a headache forming in the back of his head.

“Technically the League isn’t involved over there.” Bart winked, while fingerguning.

Jaime rolled his eyes good-naturally “Well, we all get a babysitter, Miss Martian is with you guys right?”

“Yup.”

Blue leaned against Bart “Okay, I’m tired of all of this official business talk. Any news with Edu?”

Bart shrugged, but a small smile found it’s way on his face “Honestly, no… but I think everything is going well, like it feels good, you know?”

Jaime smiled “But nothing official yet?”

Kid Flash scowled “Well… not yet. We talked about going on when we were free!” His demeanour was hopeful, but definitely unsure.

Jaime wiggled his eyebrows “So a date?”

“Not officially!” Bart had to clarify. ‘Sadly’ he added in his own thoughts.

Blue Beetle put his hand on Bart’s shoulder and smiled “Look whatever happens, I’ll be here, Cassie as well.” He pointed at the blonde who was currently holding with one arm a table with Garfield transformed into an elephant on top of it. She was smiling brightly while the others were cheering her on. Gregor looked especially impressed and flabbergasted.

Bart chuckled at the former prince’s expression “Tim’s one lucky guy, eh?”

Jaime grinned “For sure, hermano.”

Garfield transformed into a toucan and flew to the part of the room with the huge screens and the couch. He became human once again and called everybody over.

Their leader looked over at everybody “Okay, team you all know what to do right?”

Bart put his hand on his hip “Go there, kick some ass, save the day.” He was grinning.

“And look great while doing so.” Jaime was helpful enough to add. He high-fived Bart.

Beast Boy smiled “Yeah, something like that. Just don’t get cocky.” He knew that they were just messing around, but he still wanted to warn them, there was real danger to an overconfident superhero… maybe he was spending too much time with the Leaguers.

He believed in his team.

Taos

November 24, 9:45 MST

Ed was exhausted and that’s putting it lightly. Kole, Kate and Wayne had quickly gotten over their initial nervousness and had trained on controlling their powers a lot. Their newfound confidence also brought a lot of problems with it, such as recklessly using their powers without much thought, but he supposed that was better than being afraid of them.

They made a lot of progress, Ed was currently looking over the observations from today’s testing. Everybody had long since left, but he always liked analyzing the research and making his own conclusions, he supposed he did resemble his dad in that regard, maybe not all scientist genes had missed him. It also helped when somebody didn’t understand some of the overly fancy words scientist and doctors used to describe their powers, Ed could always explain. He had the recording from today open on his laptop’s screen and was making a few notes on how to further help the others with their powers. He paused the video when a fully crystallized Kole send a laser beam flying backwards. He wanted to focus, he really did, but just like they often did recently, his thoughts once again drifted away to the brunette speedster.

‘I wonder if everything’s going well on that mission.’ Ed had his eyes closed and his head perched on his hands. He couldn’t help but worry, finally he decided that since he wasn’t getting any work done he might as well head home, his dad had already called him not too long ago to do so as well. Apparently being a workaholic was another thing him and his dad had in common. Ed packed up his things and disappeared in a flash of golden light.

Detroit

November 25, 1:30 EDT

Kid Flash, Suberboy, Cyborg and Miss Martian had just dropped off near Inergang’s base of operation in Detroit. This time, thanks to the before mentioned white alien they had psychic communication, so the risk of being found out dropped, but it also meant Bart’s thoughts couldn’t always wander off to Ed… unless he wanted everybody else to hear them. Kid Flash was in his “dark mode”, so the costume was black and green, adding to their camouflage.

He along with everybody else received a text from the other teams, both had arrived on their sites without a hitch.

‘I’ll go have a quick look around.’ Miss Martian informed her team.

They all nodded. Bart took a better look at this facility, it was almost exactly like the other one, except larger, it didn’t seem abounded, there were delivery trucks and thugs moving around.

Miss Martian quickly informed as to what she was seeing and hearing inside ‘I see four metas. From what I heard the client is supposed to arrive soon. After that they are planning on shutting this place down.’

Just as she said that news came back from the other teams, their places were completely abandoned and all traces of something ever happening there were wiped. Cyborg was quick to respond that their place was still in use, though only for tonight.

‘Then we have to be fast.’ Superboy send through the mental connection.

‘Good thing that’s my specialty.’ Replied Bart and winked.

‘I see a computer, it appears that everything is being deleted.’ M’gan informed them. ‘We will wait for the buyer to appear, so that we can take them down as well, but we will start off by slowly decreasing the number of Intergang’s lackeys. I will go to the back and stop the power, that ought to buy us more time.’

‘Then I will quickly take out the guys outside.’ Bart continued.

The plan was affirmed by the team and was set into place a moment later. Kid Flash quickly beat up the gang members and hid their unconscious bodies.

Apparently inside the thugs were running around, pissed off and annoyed. One of them decided to go check the power out back and was quickly met with Miss Martian’s fist. The group had slowly moved around inside the building, everybody hiding in the darkness, good thing for night vision goggles. One of the gang’s members had turned on the emergency lights, but they produced little to no light.

Suddenly a portal either from a mother or a fatherbox appeared and a pink skinned alien in blue clothes came out of it. The portal closed. He was smiling like every bad guy ever. He looked around, looking unimpressed with the state of the facility, then he laid eyes on the teens bound in front of him. There were two boys with bright ginger hair that appeared no older than ten, a girl with a short bob, that looked to have blades coming out of her shoulders and a girl with curly black hair and eyes.

The alien spoke “Good, this time the goods are actually here, not like last time.”

The thugs only grunted. One of them spoke up “First the money, then you get them.”

The alien sighed and took out a small piece of plastic out of it’s pocket, it looked like a flash drive. He moved his arm to hand it over to the other man.

‘Now!’ M’gan’s voice rang through the mental connection.

Taking them down wasn’t hard, considering they were being shot at with alien guns. The salmon coloured alien had tried to open up another portal, but was quickly stopped by Cyborg and Superboy. When they were done all the bad guys were unconscious and bound. The actual power was turned on and the team connected Oracle to the computer so she could download everything that was left on it.

When they were done all the proper authorities were connected, apparently the alien was named Kanjar Ro and was the one who was supposed to buy Kate, Kole and Wayne. He was to be taken care of by Green lantern, he was the one who dealt with aliens. Soon after the police had also swarmed the place. After consulting, it was decided that the meta-teens were to be sent to the Meta-Human Youth Center for the time being, there were people there who had a so called nigh-shift, but Ed and his father were still called regardless of that.

Team Beta was more than happy to be heading back to Hollywood and the Watchtower, after Cyborg had opened up a portal for the four metas to go to the Center.

Hollywood

November 25, 3:44 PDT

When Beta arrived everybody else had already been there for a while now, Ed was also there Bart went over to him.

“Hey, amigo!” Bart leaned against Ed.

Ed yawned, but quickly smiled “Good on not getting hurt.”

“I’m just too damn fast.”

Ed snorted in retaliation.

Garfield quickly called everybody for a meeting, Alpha and Omega once again said they they found nothing, while Beta quickly summarised everything that had happened.

Barbara smiled from her screen “Good job on getting all the info, I’ll analyse it as soon as possible and get you all up to speed.”

Barbara was definitely looking worse for wear, with deep purple circles around her eyes and unkept hair that stuck out in every direction, then again who were they to judge, they were all peas in a pod in that regard.

Finally the briefing ended and everybody was glad to be able to finally get some sleep.

Bart turned towards Ed “Back to the center?”

Ed nodded “Yeah, have to make sure everything is fine with our four new residents.” He smiled.

“Want some help with that, amigo?” Bart was quick to offer.

Ed shook his head “No offence, man, but you look like death, go get some sleep…” Then he thought for a second “Want me to teleport you home?”

“Huh?”

Ed blushed “Well, you know, it’ll be faster than the zeta tube, considering the one closest to you is in STAR labs and I don’t want you to fall asleep while running and end up lost somewhere in Oklahoma.”

“Okay, that only happened like once!”

“More than enough.”

Virgil’s annoyed voice was heard shouting from the other side of the room “No fair! You never offer to teleport me anywhere!”

“You basically live next to a zeta tube!” Ed exclaimed and Virgil’s stuck his tongue out at him.

Bart laughed accepted Ed’s offer. He decided to change into civilian clothes in case somebody was lurking around Jay’s house. After he was done he went back to Ed, the Argentinian smiled and shyly offered his hand for Bart to hold, Bart took it enthusiastically and waved Virgil goodbye while they disappeared.

For what felt like a second later they were in front of Jay’s house.

Central City

November 25, 5:12 PST

“So crash.” Said Bart.

“Make sure to crash right on top of your bed and get some sleep.” Ed’s lame joke didn’t go unnoticed by Bart.

“That was a really bad one.” He commented.

Ed grinned “I’m only running on a few hours of sleep and a coffee, so don’t except a lot.”

“You always exceed my exceptions anyways.” Said Bart and as soon as the words registered in Ed’s sleep deprived brain he blushed.

Ed tried to cover it up “Stop it, it sounds like something my dad would say.”

“But it’s true!”

“Yeah, yeah…” Ed was rubbing the back of his neck, but then he perked up “Let’s hope this whole thing ends soon… so we can hang out, while not being completely drained.”

“True.”

Ed took his phone out and checked the time, he sighed “I have to get going.”

“Thought so.”

Ed put his hand on Bart’s shoulder “Bye.” He simply said.

“Yeah, see you soon.”

“Make sure you get enough sleep!” Ed said while disappearing.

Bart chuckled “Okay, mom, I got it.”

He headed towards his home, his mood massively improved, Ed just had that effect on him, he filled him with energy yet calmed him down. Just as he walked in he noticed Jay was awake and nursing a cup of tea.

“Good morning.” The older speedster offered, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Bart’s smile widened “Yeah, good indeed.”

#bartuardo #zetaflash #eduardo dorado jr #bart allen #el dorado young justice

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itsomgitsgreenblogging · 4 years

Text

Labor of Love Chapter 5: A Critical Role Fanfic

I really can’t believe that this is the penultimate chapter of this fic, just one more chapter after this! It’s crazy. Again, the amount of support I’ve gotten over this AU is something I really appreciate, especially in these weird times. Thanks so much and I hope this chapter delivers what you need!

Enjoy!

Read on AO3

Read on Tumblr: Ch1, Ch2, Ch3, Ch4

Preview:

Somehow or another, Essek found himself at the gym.

Essek hated the gym...well, it was more the idea of the gym that he hated. He didn't like working out, nor did he enjoy being sweaty or sore. He had never achieved that post workout glow that so many claimed to get. Instead, when he finished working out he tended to look and feel like someone had run him over and then scraped him off the side of the road. His distaste for the gym had never been a problem before. He had a membership because...well, he felt that as a functioning adult he ought to have one and it was no more than that.

But Essek had to face the facts...he had gained some weight. It wasn't that he wasn't active or taking the stairs...but he was simply eating more than he had ever eaten in his whole life. And frequently. That was the real kicker. Three meals a day would have been some insurmountable hurdle before. He hadn't ever been hungry and when he did eat...it all tasted bland. But now? Well, Caleb had certainly changed a few things in his life. Essek was slender as most elves were, but he felt that if he were eating sweets he ought to at least commit to the gym for minimal activity.

Essek was on the treadmill, having plugged into to listen to a forty minute podcast as he walked at a brisk pace to get his heart rate up. Though, the way that the podcast was analyzing one of his favorite movies was enough to do that in spades. Regardless, Essek was about thirty minutes in when he noticed someone familiar on the other side of the room.

Yasha was impossible to miss, after all she was a veritable mountain of a woman. Tall and broad and muscular in the way that was mostly left to bodybuilders. The fact she was at a gym wasn’t what was surprising to Essek...the fact that she was at his gym was what was really throwing him off. Why was she there? That was a stupid question, obviously she was there to work out like he was. What were you supposed to do when you saw someone you knew in a public place? Essek didn’t know Yasha well...she was an acquaintance, but unlike most of his other acquaintances he actually didn’t despise her so his usual plan of attack to escape as quickly as possible didn’t seem appropriate. What did people usually do in this situation? Should he walk by and see if she saw him and reacted? No, then it would seem unnatural. Better to just finish up what he was doing and hope that she just left and didn’t notice him. That seemed like the most prudent course of action.

Essek spent the last ten minutes of his power walk trying not to crawl out of his own skin with anxiety. Essek had just finished his walk and was taking a drink from his water bottle when the sensation of being watched washed over him. Essek looked over and met Yasha’s gaze. They stared at each other awkwardly for a few moments...Yasha had just settled down from pull ups and was stretching her arms. She really was impressive, she could probably snap Essek’s spine in half by just flexing her arm. She waved at him awkwardly, and Essek...knowing he had to go through the door beside her to leave walked over in her direction.

“Good morning,” he greeted, hoping his voice sounded normal. His smile was plastered on his face like it was duct-taped and hanging by a thread, because there was little else he could do. “I didn’t know you came here.”

“Only recently,” Yasha confirmed, shifting on her feet as if ascertaining the best way to become smaller and less threatening...as if she were concerned that Essek was a prey animal who could be spooked at the sigh of her. “Fjord’s swimming...and I like to work out here because it’s not busy.”

“I understand that,” Essek admitted. If there was anything worse than being sweaty and sore and uncomfortable...it was being all of those things while also around people who could judge you for it. “Well...I’m done, and I was going to grab a smoothie at the bar...so…”

Essek tried not to cringe at his blatant awkwardness. Yasha nodded seriously, and then to his surprise placed back the dumbells and looked at him expectantly. Oh. She thought it had been an invitation to join him and not a hasty retreat. Well it would be rude to correct her, Essek thought at himself. Essek couldn’t be rude to her, even if he wanted to. She was Caleb’s friend. It was strategically important to him to be nice to Caleb’s friends. And also...he didn’t want to be rude to her, which was a new development in his life because he normally liked being rude to people but the thought of being mean to Yasha made him feel like he was going to choke on his own tongue for some reason. Was this what people felt all the time? He wasn’t sure this was a positive change anymore.

Essek meandered over to the place where a perky half-orc who looked like she could run ten miles a day and probably did hot yoga to unwind took his order. Essek got some kind of healthy smoothie monstrosity and sat down to drink in the noticeably uncomfortable chairs. It was as if they wanted to make you feel bad for sitting, another reason why Essek hated the gym. Yasha joined him, drinking her own smoothie. For the most uncomfortable minute of his life, Essek wondered if Yasha was expecting him to say something. The problem was that Essek was horrible at saying something. Or, he was at least horrible at saying something when it wasn’t one of the things that he was being paid to say. Essek still didn’t understand how people went around just...starting conversations and not seeming disingenuous. And worst of all, he was sure this would get back to Caleb and he didn’t stand a chance of escaping this conversation without fucking that up somehow. Thankfully, Yasha took pity on him and spoke first.

“So...Caleb,” Yasha noted.

“Yes. Quite,” Essek said.

And then neither of them were talking again, and Essek could feel his panic twisting at his gut. The quiet went on for at least a solid 30 seconds, with Essek squirming in that gods-awful seat and just wishing someone would just take him out with the nearest barbell. And then, Essek came to a sudden epiphany.

“Oh...was there something you wanted to ask?” Essek offered, and Yasha nodded.

“Yes.”

“I see...alright?” Essek asked, hoping that Yasha wasn’t planning on being the one taking him out.

“You like Caleb?” Yasha asked, and it wasn’t a question that was really a statement. It was a genuine curious question.

“I do,” Essek asked, not willing to commit to the other “l” word out loud. He could only get into trouble by doing that. Yasha nodded, her expression thoughtful as she regarded him. She met his eyes briefly and then ducked back down to look at her smoothie.

“And Caleb?” Yasha asked.

“...you’ll have to ask Caleb about that I suspect,” Essek said. Yasha nodded seriously but didn’t lift her gaze again, instead, she seemed content with swirling the straw of her smoothie. Essek didn’t know if he could say for sure...their relationship was in a bit of a hazy spot right now. What did you call someone you went on a date with and kissed once? Who texted you saying they wanted to do it again sometime. It wasn’t like they were together. And they certainly hadn’t had sex, so Essek wouldn’t call Caleb his lover or friend with benefits. But Essek had met his friends and been over to his house before. It was all very confusing to Essek in a way that it probably wasn’t confusing to anyone else on the planet. What would he call Caleb? His almost-boyfriend? That felt so juvenile, and yet that was the best description he could think of.

“You make him happy,” Yasha said, looking back up at Essek.

“...I’m glad, he makes me happy too,” Essek admitted. “All of you do...I wasn’t very happy before I met all of you, but I think I might be getting there.”

“That’s good,” Yasha said, her quiet voice sure and firm in her conviction. Essek was about to agree with her, when he spotted Fjord ducking out from the hallway. Though Essek wouldn’t say that Fjord was his type, it was hard to deny that the man was attractive. Especially as his hair dripped and droplets traced the column of his neck and his shirt clung to his chest. He felt like to preserve Fjord’s dignity and Essek’s own honor he ought to look away.

“Oh, hello Essek,” Fjord greeted kindly. “I didn’t expect to see you.”

“That makes two of us,” Essek noted, trying to find Fjord’s eyes more interesting then his see-through shirt...which he was having a hard time with.

“I...uh, heard your date with Caleb went well,” Fjord said, looking somewhat awkward for the one in the group who tended to do the talking. Essek wondered if it was because he was talking about his friend, or if it was just the topic of romance that was somewhat daunting for him. Essek nodded, only because he was bereft of any substantial answer. Fjord seemed to accept this. “Well, I’m glad. It’s good for Caleb...to, you know, have someone he likes spending time with.”

Essek was about to say something...to agree perhaps, when Fjord’s phone buzzed. He looked at it, did a double take, and then immediately looked at Yasha.

“Yasha, we’re gonna need to go,” Fjord said, calmly but firmly. “Issue at the bakery.”

Yasha nodded and stood up from her seat as she did.

“Essek, it was nice seeing you,” Fjord promised, holding out his hand. Essek took it, and was surprised but the assured grip. “Have a nice day now. We’ll see you in...three days right?”

“Thank you...you as well. I hope that everything is fine at the bakery,” Essek wished, thinking suddenly of the vow renewal. “See you then.”

Fjord smiled and then him and Yasha were off, leaving Essek behind. Essek threw away his drink, his stomach flipping like he had just been in a car crash.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” Essek grumbled to himself under his breath as he rushed out to his car. He turned on the radio in an effort to drown his own twisting and agonizing thoughts but found himself still extremely unsettled. “Why are you so stupid?”

“Welcome back, you are listening to 836 KRN, Rosohna Hit Music, back with more of our top ten countdown. Number 1 again for the second week in a row is “Best Laid Plans” by Kaylie-”

Essek growled, and turned the radio off.

------

By the time that Essek arrived to the party, it was in full swing at the Theylss ancestral home. Cars lined the streets, not that Essek minded parking further away. He personally always enjoyed having a moment or two to breath in the fresh night air and cool his head before interacting with his relatives. It never did him well to come into a viper den at full throttle. Essek made a subdued entrance to the party, handing off his overcoat to be hung in the closet and then finding the closest server carrying drinks. Even from the first moments, he attempted to stick to the outer fray of the party, but as always his mother sniffed him out within five minutes of arrival.

"Essek," Deirta called, waving him over. Essek obliged her. "A wonderful suit. Did you get it at the family's tailor, darling?"

"As always, mother," Essek sighed. He did look rather fetching that night, but then again he always did. He had opted for a black suit, but with some touches of gold as opposed to his usual silver to spice things up. He had wondered what Caleb would have thought of him tonight, and then had immediately stopped thinking about it for danger of getting an aneurism.

The entire den was here, half-siblings and distant cousins, “uncles” and “aunts” and relatives of every sort and enough spouses and lovers and children that it made his head spin. Usually he would find a dark corner after he got his drink (or drinks) and fade into the background after his round of greetings. Unfortunately his mother had hooked him like a fish before he could do so, and was probably planning on subjecting him to another round of introductions. The event was being held at the ancestral home, as most important den events were. Really, this was just a family reunion but with other causes. Namely, all of the relatives were here for the Vow Renewal that they were all invited to as members of Den Theylss. Essek would have to play a balancing act between den member and employee, and would have to find a way to make everyone happy. But then again, he was good at performing miracles for an atheist.

“I am happy you made it tonight,” Deirta said as she smiled at a passing great-uncle. “I thought you might have been too busy.”

“Too busy?” Essek asked. “For the den? Never. But what did you think I would be too busy with?”

“Preparations, dear, that’s why we are all here, isn’t it?” Deirta pointed out. “Our Queen’s most glorious Vow Renewal, I hear it will be quite the event and that you have had a lot to do with that.”

“Don’t gloat around family, Mother, it’s a tad gauche isn’t it?” Essek said with a pointed smile. “I have done only what my employer asked of me, and little else.”

“The only thing that is gauche is being too humble,” Deirta said. “In this fast paced time, it is important to continue to uphold the good name of Theylss in this city, and the world, Essek. And you do that, and you are almost faultless in that regard. In fact, if the rest of the relatives could follow your example I dare say our influence would be felt all the way to Tal’dorei.”

“I am sensing a but, Mother,” Essek said.

“Oh no caveats, I’d rather not politics right now dear.”

“I’ll pretend like you're not the one who told me that everything is politics. Well then if the den’s influence in Tal’dorei isn’t on your mind, what would you like to talk about?”

“I should like to know about the maiden who stole my boy’s heart, enough that he should see fit to mention her to me,” Deirta said with a light disingenuous laugh.

“Mother,” Essek said warningly. Deirta looked unimpressed...in fact, she seemed charmed at Essek’s annoyance.

“I am aware of your private nature, Essek, and I respect that.”

“Are you?” Essek asked sarcastically.

“I am. In fact, I think it’s a good thing to keep certain things private. You have never caused a mess that I have needed to clean up, a standard that not many of your siblings or cousins have met before you nor have they after. I do have certain expectations, but I also trust that you will choose a partner befitting of your station and of our family’s reputation.”

“And if I haven’t?” Essek asked.

“You know the answer to that, Essek,” Deirta said. “I will do everything in my power to make you see reason and try to convince you of a partnership that will equally benefit you and your chosen mate.”

“Mate,” Essek said, nose scrunching with distaste.

“I know, I know, call me old fashioned,” Deirta sighed. “You know, your brother brought his girlfriend with him tonight. You ought to have brought yours.”

“We aren’t together like that,” Essek told her.

“Oh?” Deirta asked, though she didn’t sound too surprised.

“We’ve...hung out a fair bit, but only gone on one date. That night that you called me was our first one,” Essek informed her.

“I’m sure we could have impressed her as your second outing.”

“Mother, I’m not sure that meeting the den is the best second date idea.”

“But you expect the arrangement to continue, as it were?”

“I should hope so...it seems like it.”

“Oh Essek, won’t you tell me something about her? You know I could just get on the phone and find out.”

“Yes, but you won’t.” If you know what’s good for you, is what Essek didn’t say but his mother surely heard.

“You know that it is only because I worry for you,” Deirta said before stopping and smoothing the lapels of his already immaculate jacket. “Only the best for my boy.”

“Of course, Mother,” Essek promised, and his mother gave him a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and seemed to dismiss him. Essek couldn’t help his sigh of relief as he turned around, and then suddenly realized that he had been deposited right in front of Verin and his girlfriend...who for the life of him he couldn’t remember what her name was. She was half-orc and wore her hair in braids and an understated but appropriate little black dress. However, despite her orcish features, she was relatively delicate in her frame...which led him to believe the other half was drow, though he wouldn’t ask her for fear of being rude. What was her name? Sanemi? Sa...something-or-other?

“I see Mother’s done taking you for a walk,” Verin noted, raising his glass.

“I suppose she’s waiting for me to demonstrate my knowledge of sitting and staying,” Essek said, taking the free seat with a sigh.

“You remember Samezi?” Verin said, motioning to his girlfriend.

“Hello,” Essek greeted as he inclined his head to her.

“It’s been a bit,” Samezi said, lifting her glass to her lips and taking a sip. “Still up to the usual business then?”

“As always,” Essek said. “I tend to stay busy with my job being what it is...especially now. I imagine that you are also busy, aren’t you Verin?”

“Oh come off it,” Verin said with a roll of his eyes. “My job is just as important as yours.”

“Of course, of course,” Essek said idly.

“But then again, not all of us get to have a hand in the Bright Queen’s Vow Renewal,” Samezi pointed out before leaning forward and looking extremely interested. “There has to be something that you can tell us.”

“What, so you can write about it in your paper?” Verin laughed.

“I’m an investigative journalist,” Samezi scoffed before giving Essek a shrewd look. “Though of course my colleagues in the Culture section may like to hear a rumor or two...to drum up excitement and interest of course.”

“All I can say is, that Leylas Kryn intends for this ceremony to not only demonstrate the Xhorhassian cultural boom, but to celebrate the influx of peoples and cultures that define our country on the world stage.”

“What a perfectly formulated answer, almost exactly word for word from the XCI press release,” Samezi sighed, almost pouting but not quite. Essek wasn’t particularly moved, though he imagined that Verin was a sucker for it.

“Actually, exactly word for word. I was the one who wrote it,” Essek reminded her.

“...what exactly do you do for Leylas Kryn?” Verin asked, and Essek normally would be annoyed considering he had literally been working this job for five years and had probably explained this to Verin at least a dozen times before, but he was feeling charitable today and didn’t feel like embarrassing his brother in front of his girlfriend. He probably embarrassed himself in front of her enough without his help.

“Anything that she requires of course,” Essek said simply.

“Like a mob enforcer,” Verin said.

“Wouldn’t you like to know, badge-boy?”

“You really are the most insufferable person I know,” Verin scoffed.

“I know,” Essek said smugly. “But you make it so much fun, you know?”

There was more that Verin seemingly wanted to say, when there was the sound of a bell ringing. Essek resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Could their Mother do anything without the artifice of drama? But of course she probably got off on asserting her power and dominance over all the relatives. Like beckoned dogs, conversations stuttered and they were all directed to the long and elaborate set up dinner table. Deirta sat at the head of the table, and everyone sat at their assigned seats...though there were no names everyone knew the order in which they were expected to sit.

“Before we sit to eat, the prayer?” Deirta said as they all stood at their seats. Essek duck his head like he was expected to. “Bless us, O Light, and these Thy gifts, which we are about to receive from Thy radiance, through the Luxon our Lord.”

“Blessed be,” Essek murmured along with everyone else. At that point only after Deirta took her seat, were they permitted to sit alongside her.

The dinner itself was the usual fair afforded to them. There were about six courses, soup, salad, appetizer, entree, dessert, cheese and fruit course, and then after dinner drinks. Essek managed about two bites of each, and resisted pushing food around on his plate like a teenager. There was just nothing appetizing to hearing a distant cousin talk for the fourth time about their job in the stock exchange, or an uncle complaining about things with a vaguely racist undertone. Really the act of dinner was a performance for everyone involved. They were all supposed to hem and haw at his mother’s beautiful silverware and ancient passed-down porcelain that probably belonged in a museum somewhere, and then admire a small four bite piece of fish with an inedible garnish that the caterer had made that was so in vogue right now.

The food wasn’t even good, Essek thought frustratedly. It just looked pretty. What was the point of eating something that looked pretty if it wasn’t sumptuous? He thought of all the simple things that Caleb and his friends had prepared, all the delicious and heartfelt food that put this celebrity caterer to shame. He hadn’t thought himself a food snob before...but it appeared that he had become one with Caleb’s help. He wondered what Caleb would do at this stifling display, food besides the point. He had the sense that Caleb could be a social chameleon when he wanted to be, not unlike him really. Essek was sure Caleb would do well amongst the den of vipers and hold his own, if his family could even get past the fact that he was a human.

If his family could get past the fact that Essek was gay.

Now, to the credit of his society, gay relationships were normal. After all, Leylas and Quana were their spiritual leaders of the nation...and actual leaders in the most important arena which was the public consciousness. He wouldn’t even be the first Theylss kid to have a significant other of the same sex. But it was always who you were dating that was the issue. Essek had never cared enough before to put any significant other through his family. As he watched the candles burn and fat globs of white wax drip to the antique candle holders...he wondered idly what the reaction to Caleb would be.

Did he want that? Did he want Caleb to go through the scrutiny? Did Essek love Caleb enough to subject him to this? Or maybe it was the other way...maybe he was selfish enough to consider it. Would Caleb even like him...if he knew who Essek really was? He liked to pretend he was different...but at the end of the day would he just be a Theylss? Would he ruin everything he had with his intentions?

Essek was sipping a dessert wine and idly checking his phone under the table, sneaking it like he was a teenager in school again. Really, he was mostly trying to distract himself from his spiralling thoughts. His mother shot him a few disapproving looks, but wouldn’t say anything unless someone else said something first. His mother was dependable like that, she never cared unless it would hurt her reputation. His phone buzzed in his hand, and it made him jump.

Essek stared at his phone. Caleb?

“Excuse me,” Essek said, shrugging off the looks and slipping into the hallway outside the dining room. No one really noticed him leaving, or if they did they didn’t care enough to stop him from going. After all they had just entered into the retell stories they had heard a thousand times part of the dinner, and Essek was scarcely involved enough in any of those stories to even be considered a background character they needed to call on.

“Hello, Essek?” Caleb’s voice rang in his ear.

“Hello?” Essek asked, confused albeit slightly delighted that Caleb was actually calling him and giving him such a clean out.

“Are you busy at the moment?”

The tone in Caleb’s voice took the delight right out of Essek’s mind. Essek prided himself on being able to read the mood in a room...growing up with the mother he did certainly made such a skill invaluable. It didn’t take a genius like him to figure out that Caleb sounded stressed.

“What’s wrong?” Essek asked, ducking out into the sitting room away from prying eyes and listening ears. His back was against the wall, so that if anyone came around the corner he would be able to see them. There were plenty of things he needed, but the Theylss family inserting themselves into this situation somehow was not one of them.

“Accident with the cake,” Caleb said. “A shelf broke and fell on it along with everything on the shelf, and basically completely smashed it. We’re going to have to remake the cake in a day.”

“Is it possible?” Essek asked, calculating in his mind all the things that could go wrong. What would he have to do to make up for this? How could he make this situation work for his and everyone else’s advantage?

“It’s possible, we’re going to have to close the bakery and spend all night today, all day tomorrow, and maybe even the next night working on it. We hadn’t put on some of the most intricate designs so those are safe, but the flowers and the cake itself is ruined.”

“I see,” Essek said, taking a deep breath. Okay, it was a rescue operation then. That was something Essek could certainly handle.

"I wanted to call you first to ask...should we tell the Bright Queen?"

"Under no circumstances. If we can fix it, it's better not to worry her," Essek said firmly before he surprised himself. "Are you in need of any extra hands?"

"Extra hands?"

"I offer my assistance of course," Essek clarified.

"Yes, if you don't mind. We could definitely use some more help on this,” Caleb said, sounding relieved. “Danke-thank you, Essek. I can’t tell you how much that makes me feel better.”

“I’ve hardly done anything yet,” Essek said. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.”

“I’ll see you then.”

Caleb hung up the phone and Essek immediately exited the room to where the rest of the family was seated.

“Forgive me, but I’m going to have to leave,” Essek said, scooping up his jacket. “Work emergency.”

“Really?” Deirta asked, eyebrows flying into her hairline. “Anything I should be concerned about?”

“Not at all, Mother. As always, you know I can handle it,” Essek said, moving over to give her expectant turned cheek a kiss. “Have a wonderful evening, and I’ll see you all at the Vow Renewal.”

Essek walked quickly out the door before anyone else could get a word in edgewise. He started up the car, and broke probably five different speed limits on his way to the bakery. When he arrived, the bakery seemed dark and quiet, but he had been told the back door was open. With a bit of hesitation, he opened the back door into complete chaos.

“Essek!” Jester said, rushing to embrace him. Her smile was full of frosting and glitter...literally. She looked like she had gotten into an argument with powdered sugar and a tinsel. Her arms were soft and strong and wrapped around his middle like he was the person she had most wanted to see in this world, and Essek felt so oddly close to tears that he half wanted to run back out the door. “Oh Essek, I’m so glad you are here! Oh wow, you look so nice! I’m sorry I think I got stuff on your jacket.”

“It is no problem,” Essek said, shucking off his jacket. He draped it over his arm with care...after all it was an expensive jacket. “I pay for dry-cleaning anyways.”

“Is Essek here?” Caleb said, appearing from around the corner. He looked frazzled, utterly fried and blanched by stress. His hair was half-falling out of his bun, and his clothing was in general disarray...more than usual. “Essek…”

“Give us a moment?” Essek asked Jester, who saluted and then skipped back to the back of the shop looking pleased with herself. “Thank you for calling me.”

“I am very glad you are here,” Caleb said breathlessly, managing a fragile smile.

“Of course, whatever you need,” Essek said, reaching out automatically and then his hand froze. Caleb didn’t move away, and so bolstering his courage he tucked a stray lock of copper hair behind Caleb’s ear. “Everything will be fine. We’ll get what we need to get done, done.”

“I wish I had your confidence,” Caleb said before suddenly his face flushed as he seemingly took in Essek’s outfit. Oh. Well, Essek thought. It seems like his efforts would go appreciated. It was a rather unexpected but appreciated gift during the sudden stress.

“I never disappoint my employer, I doubt this will be the first time it happens,” Essek said. “What’s the status with everything?”

“We remade the cakes this morning. Yasha and Fjord were just pulling them out of the freezer now,” Caleb said as they walked behind the counter. “The sugar flowers were a total loss, so Nott, Jester, and Caduceus are working on that. Still need a fresh batch of the filling and we still have an extra batch of the frosting so we’re using that to start...though we’ll probably need to make another too.”

“And the enchantments?”

“We had extra of the syrups we were using to soak into the cake that contained the main enchantment. We have stock of the illusion enchantment, but we’ll have to redo the custom starlight enchantment though,” Caleb said as they entered the chaotic workplace. It was the part of the bakery that Essek hadn’t yet seen. There were long work tables, walk-in fridges, large industrial ovens and stoves and sinks as well. The sinks were a catastrophe of pots and pans and Essek could see the attempts to clean out the fridge where the shelf had given way.

“This,” Essek said, pointing to the mess. He rolled up his sleeves as he assessed the disaster in front of him, formulating a plan of attack. “This I can handle, as well as any assistance you may need on the enchantment. Cleaning up this will help everything flow smoother and more efficient, as well as keep things sanitary.”

“Essek I couldn’t-”

“You can and you did, you already asked,” Essek informed him as he put his foot down.

“But you are wearing a suit that probably costs more than all of my clothes put together,” Caleb argued.

“And I’ll buy a new suit and I’ll buy you one too while I’m at it,” Essek said shortly, as he placed his hands on his hips. “Go mitigate your own disaster, I’ve got this handled.”

“Thank you,” Caleb said, full of gratitude. And for a moment Essek was sure Caleb was going to kiss him, but then Fjord’s yelp drew him away with another look. Essek surveyed the damage in front of him, just as something was thrown at his head and obscured his vision. Essek yanked the offending cloth off and realized he was holding an apron.

“You might need that,” Beauregard pointed out. Essek looped it over his head and tied it securely to his waist, thankfully it was grey. Grey was a color that Essek could work with.

“Now he looks like one of the team,” Jester said happily as she delicately rolled sugar into beautiful petals.

“It suits you,” Caduceus said, walking by with a tray full of decorations and sparkles and jars of glittering orbs.

“Where are the gloves?” Essek asked, yanking open the dishwasher which...thank all the gods in the merciful plains was empty.

“Second drawer to the left!” Veth shouted back shrilly. Essek opened the drawer and found a pair of bright pink rubber gloves. It almost hurt him physically to put them on...but oh, the things he would do for love. Essek immediately set about separating out the hand-wash-only utensils from the machine-washables, after which he did a cursory soak to the hardest hit items bowls with dried-on batter or fillings or any other number of things that may occur during the baking process that was still a mystery to Essek. The rest of it was power-washed and then loaded up into the two industrial grade dishwashers efficiently. Even with both full and running, there was still a large amount of things to clean, though it was already much neater and more organized. Not knowing where things were supposed to be placed, and not willing to break the concentration of those who needed it to ask, he set about laying out the rest of the hand-washed things by category so it would be easy to find as they dried and then scrubbing down the counters that had been marred by the dirty dishes.

Essek was just hand-drying some of the wooden spoons when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to see Caduceus standing in front of him with a tea-cup

“Want to give this a try?” Caduceus asked Essek. Essek looked to see the table of decorators all holding their own cups, and a tea-set placed on the work-bench.

“We are taking a fiver,” Beau answered the question that had just popped into Essek’s brain.

“Oh,” Essek said, as Caduceus pressed a cup into his hands. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Caduceus said. “It’s important to take a deep breath and a minute, especially during creative pursuits.”

“I haven’t done anything particularly creative,” Essek pointed out, looking upon the work table that was overflowing with beautiful white sugar roses, and beautiful dark purple sugar calla lilies, and silver hydrangeas. Yasha was admiring some of them and gave Essek a shy wave that Essek returned.

“Come over here,” Jester said as she waved him over. Essek walked over and saw what Jester had been furiously working at. He nearly went breathless at the picture perfect miniature statues of both Leylas and Quana together. They were both dressed in the outfits that they would wear to the Vow Renewal, on Jester’s tome-pad was the references and pictures she had been given. The amount of detail that had gone into the recreation was stunning, from the diamond drops of the earrings Leylas would be wearing, to Quana’s wedding band on her tiny little finger.

“Jester, this is absolutely beautiful,” Essek said, in awe.

“I was working on it before everything went to shit so mini-L and mini-Q were safe from the Shelves of Doom,” Jester explained. “They are actually made of modeling chocolate, so they are completely edible.”

“That’s incredible,” Essek said, continuing to look on with longing. He didn’t understand how a person discovered such a talent for art and gave it such an interesting application.

“Thank you,” Jester said, nearly glowing with praise. Essek felt his mouth attempting to twist up into a smile...and he wondered if he was actually doing it right. Jester didn’t correct him, so he assumed he was doing it alright. It was then that he noticed that Caleb wasn’t in the kitchen proper, he was sitting by the door with Frumpkin nearly spilling out of his lap.

The cake itself was on the stand, yet to be decorated besides a base of white frosting. It was sitting in the walk in fridge, which Fjord closed before accepting his own cup of tea from Caduceus. Essek felt a sense of relief, that at least the cake itself was done, though he knew the decorating would be just as tiring and time-consuming as the making.

“Caleb?” Essek asked, walking over to where he was leaned against the wall. When Essek approached, Caleb immediately startled and then nearly fell off his stool. He looked around for a moment, like he had lost track of where he was, before his gaze settled on Essek. Frumpkin stood up and nudged his head beneath Caleb’s chin, purring so loudly that even Essek heard him. Caleb spent a moment or two stroking along Frumpkin’s flank. For a moment Caleb met Frumpkin’s eyes, and then with a pleased soft meow Frumpkin jumped down dutifully. He immediately trotted over to Essek and rubbed his body against his legs, his tail flicking with pleasure. Essek scooped up the cat, its wide eyes looking into Essek’s with a force that just Essek want to squeeze this cute little creature and never let it go. For a moment Essek stared at the cat before he came to a sudden realization.

“Your cat’s a familiar!” Essek said, feeling a bit betrayed. He settled Frumpkin down carefully, and then propped his hands on his hips.

“Guilty as charged,” Caleb said apologetically.

“And here I thought you liked me,” Essek said to the cat, who had sat and gave Essek a plaintive meow, like Frumpkin expected Essek to bend over backwards to pick him up again.

“He does like you,” Caleb laughed. “He also perhaps did get some direction to be extra cute in your company.”

“A scoundrel, just like his owner,” Essek said with a haughty sniff. Caleb got up from his stool stiffly and stretched, raising his arms above his head. His shirt came up with it, and Essek felt the burning need to look away. It was too late though. Happy trail. Caleb had a happy trail, and Essek was probably emitting a scream that only dogs could hear as his brains nearly boiled over.

He had never thought like this in whole life, not even when he had been in mutually beneficial relationships. Essek had never felt the whip-crack of desire smack him across the face and do funny things to his heart before. Was this what normal people felt about strangers and celebrities and people they liked all the time? What a totally disconcerting sensation but more importantly...oh Gods, he needed to get laid.

“We have some more work to get done tonight,” Caleb explained, forcing Essek to refocus. He hoped Caleb didn’t think he had been staring at him like he was a piece of meat. “I would like to at least get the buttercream frosting done so that way we can just focus on the decorating tomorrow.”

“You’re going to want to see him do that,” Fjord said. “Caleb’s really good at that.”

“Don’t talk me up too much,” Caleb said as he grabbed the cup of tea that Caduceus had set down on the workbench for him. Essek finally took a sip of his own tea. It was a fragrant blend, blueberry and blackcurrant and elderberry came on the tongue first but with the steam came the smooth notes of bold black tea and the sweet floral notes of hibiscus and some kind of flower.

“This tea is lovely,” Essek told Caduceus.

“Thank you, I get most of the ingredients from my family back home,” Caduceus said.

“Here,” Caleb said, sliding Essek a plate full of cookies that Veth and Fjord were skimping from in turn. “That should go nicely with that.”

“Have you ever had a macaron, Essek?” Jester asked excitedly, motioning to a certain kind of cookie on the plate. When Essek shook his head, she smiled even broader. “You’ve got to try one.”

Essek picked up the small cookie. It looked like a sandwich, and was much lighter than he had expected. He popped it into his mouth. The crust, if Essek could even call it a crust, shattered and melted away as if it had never existed to begin with. The cookie itself was soft and utterly toothsome with just a little bit of chew, while flavors of vanilla, almond, and pistachio perfectly melted together and leaving Essek sighing with pleasure. Essek looked up to see Jester looking at him intently from where she was basically laying on the table.

“Essek, did you realize that you are pretty sexy when you eat?” Jester asked very seriously.

“What does that even mean?” Essek asked, feeling his ear twitch with annoyance.

“Oh nothing man, you look like you are really enjoying putting that in your mouth,” Beau snickered.

“I don’t appreciate that innuendo,” Essek said with a roll of his eyes. He did his absolute best to sneak a glimpse at Caleb, who had half-sunk into the seat he was in and was looking very flushed. Weirdly, Essek wanted to shake Jester’s hand for this unexpected gift. Well then. He grabbed another cookie. This one was much plainer and Essek took a bite. Who knew that a shortbread cookie could become a revelation. It was light, buttery and crumbling and deceptively simple enough that it made Essek wonder if even he could make something like that. But also dipped into Caduceus’s tea? A perfect match, Essek could imagine eating these cookies every day for the rest of his life. “This might be up there with the Radler cupcake, Caleb.”

“I could add lemon zest to them,” Caleb offered.

“Don’t you dare,” Essek warned. “I’ll force you to make them all the time.”

“I wouldn’t mind, if it made you happy,” Caleb said with a shy smile. Essek caught his smile and met it with a smile of his own...an actual smile, that felt a little strange blossoming on his face. He wasn’t sure he had the muscles developed to actually smile genuinely, but if Caleb kept looking at him like he had just hung the moon from the sky he was sure he would get into practice.

“You two are flirting again,” Beauregard groaned. Fjord flicked some crumbs at Beau, and her annoyance immediately evaporated and she flicked it back. Essek realized that she was most likely joking.

“They are cute,” Yasha said, chiding Beau with a soft almost-smile that looked somewhat bittersweet.

“I’m not cute, I’m devastatingly attractive,” Essek noted.

“Do you always have to be patronizing?” Beau asked.

“Yes, I do,” Essek said with a smug smile.

“I’m going to do some frosting,” Caleb said, patting Essek’s shoulder. He didn’t move closer to kiss him or hug him...as much as he might have liked that in theory, Essek wasn’t sure yet how he felt about overt displays of affection. But Essek did catch his fingers for just a moment, and met Caleb’s gaze. He felt it warm him all the way from the tips of his ears to his toes, settling comfortably in his belly like the cookies and the warm tea.

“Alright, back to work folks!” Veth said, clapping her hands.

“I’ll help you put away the utensils,” Fjord offered to Essek. “I’ll show you where everything goes.”

“Ah, thank you,” Essek said as he went to join Fjord. He opened the drawers and cabinets and demonstrated where everything went and in what order, and Essek did his best to commit those things to memory. Not that he assumed he would ever have to help in the back of the bakery ever again, but it was always good to be prepared for the unexpected. Essek quite liked organizing anyways, it was the reason that all of his clothing was organized by color in his closet. He spent a while doing that, before going over to help Yasha and Beauregard clean up the floors and counters. He got the sense that the frantic energy of the hours before was winding down, and the Mighty Nein seems to feel relieved that they would make it for the Vow Renewal. Essek had just finished when he looked over at what Caleb was up to.

He was spinning the cake, which was terrifying to Essek but apparently no one else found it unusual. With practiced flicks of wrists and inhumanly steady hands, ivory buttercream became drapes and flowers and embellishments. All of them perfectly spaced apart and nearly sewed together with militaristic accuracy. The similarity between this and the precarious act of copying spells into a spellbook was almost eerie. He was on the second tier of the cake out of the tower of six, and then just as easily transitioned up to the third tier.

“Caleb’s in the zone right now,” Fjord translated, and Essek realized that most of the others were gathering their bags. They all looked absolutely exhausted, and Essek checked his watch. Two in the morning...he was used to being awake at odd hours, after all, he only needed to trance for four hours a day. But for all of them? This must be torture. “I hate to ask, but Veth called Yeza and he’s going to help me get everyone home. I know Caleb will refuse until he’s done so do you think…?”

“I’ll get Caleb home, don’t worry,” Essek promised. Fjord gave Essek a clap on the shoulder and a grateful smile, before herding the obviously extremely sleepy Mighty Nein out the door, sans Caleb. Essek perched himself on a stool and watched Caleb work, steady and sure for at least another hour. Essek committed to memorizing the way his wrists flicked and his hands moved and the delicious profile he cut, and though he really should have felt bad ogling at Caleb like that he didn’t want to pass up the opportunity. Caleb finished up the third tier of the basic frosting decorations before pulling back and taking stock of his work. It was at that time, he looked around and realized that they were alone.

“Oh…” Caleb said, obviously putting things together.

“Put the cake away, I’ll get you home now,” Essek said, not necessarily an order but not not an order either. “You’ll do well with fresh eyes tomorrow.”

“I don’t know if I can get it done,” Caleb said, voice weighted with stress. “Sheisse, this is such a big opportunity and-”

“You’ll get it done,” Essek said calmly. “I have absolute faith in your ability.”

“I wish I could be as certain as you, my friend,” Caleb said with a fragile smile that filled Essek’s heart up with sweetness he never thought he could feel. Gods, he loved him.

“Essek Theylss never fails, it’s my personal policy,” Essek said firmly. “Now come along.”

Essek helped Caleb wheel the cake into the walk-in freezer, pointedly away from the remaining shelves. Essek waited as Caleb locked up his shop and started his car, making sure the heat was on and the car warmed up for Caleb as he slid into the passenger seat. He was carrying Frumpkin, who was now curled up in his lap and probably getting cat fur all over Essek’s car...did familiars shed? Essek, strangely, found he didn’t care as he watched Caleb so tenderly stroking his familiar back to soothe them both.

“We’ll still have to close the bakery tomorrow most likely,” Caleb said, expression dark with worry. “We didn’t do any of our usual preparations and we don’t have any stock...it’s not that sort of business.”

“If you have a daily profit average, I can see your business is compensated,” Essek offered as he put the car in drive.

“No, no. It’s not necessary. One day does not a failed business make,” Caleb said as he ran his fingers through his hair, and then pulled his hair out of the tie and began to redo it. “I don’t think I really and truly expressed...how much you being here means to me.”

“I have to admit, I imagined our second date going a bit differently,” Essek jokes, pulling out of the parking lot.

“Ah…” Caleb said, sounding lost for words.

“I’m sorry,” Essek apologized, feeling the prick of panic at the back of his neck. He turned left, and calculated how long this would take. Only five minutes, it seemed so minute...just five minutes with Caleb when Essek wanted to fill his time with Caleb unabashedly. Though he supposed he was grateful for the opportunity afforded to him...and he shouldn’t ask for more. He couldn’t get too greedy after all, he didn’t even know what Caleb wanted. Almost-boyfriend or not, that was really the issue here. It was something he felt he couldn’t breach...he couldn’t pick it without bruising it. What if he went too fast and ruined it completely? His worries caught in his throat and stayed there, slowly screaming away.

“No, no,” Caleb said with a weak laugh. “I was about to agree with you...but let me just say? I’m grateful for it. I...”

“Your job is important to you,” Essek said, trying to focus on what he could actually work with and salvage in this situation. “And I respect that, I hope you know that. I want you and your friends to succeed.”

“...I hope you understand that I appreciate everything you’ve done for us,” Caleb said, voice deep with feeling.

“I hope you understand that I’m certainly not a white knight,” Essek laughed bitterly. “I’m just a little bit selfish is all.”

“Selfish?”

“I want you to be happy,” Essek admitted, the admission feeling oddly intimate. He cautiously glanced at Caleb, only to see him smiling at him in return. “Regardless of anything else. I...I want you to feel like you are able to rely on me, just a little bit. I have to admit, I’m a bit jealous about how you are with your friends...so it makes me happy for you to depend on me and that you called me to help you. Even with circumstances being what they are...I was happy. I am sorry it came at your expense however...”

I would do just about anything as long as I got to spend time with you, Essek didn’t say. He would wear stupid pink rubber gloves and clean a kitchen and go to the gym and do things outside of eat, sleep and work, and weirdly enjoy all of it. He felt useful and appreciated, and just that was enough to satisfy him when he had never been satisfied with anything before in his whole life. That was the magic of love, he supposed. It made even the most boring and normal things into something significant.

“I’m not as perfect as you seem to think I am,” Caleb admitted suddenly. “As you can see...I’m obsessive. I get anxious and I just escalate situations that don’t need to be escalated because I can’t let things go.”

“Ha, you are talking to the king of obsessive behavior over here,” Essek snorted very unattractively. He was horrified with himself but Caleb didn’t seem to mind, in fact he looked at Essek clearly...like he was really seeing him. How did he just do that? No one else had ever seen him and liked him before in his whole life, and yet Caleb acted like knowing Essek was as easy as breathing.

“I should have just called you just to update you but...I wanted to see you too,” Caleb admitted with a wry grin. “You have no idea how happy it made me...for you to be there. I hope we can have something less dramatic...for our third date.”

“Oh,” Essek said dumbly, mostly because he felt like his brain was now operating at 25% capacity. The rest of it was screaming at him to pull the car over and just kiss this man silly. Thankfully he didn’t need to drive much further because he was just pulling into Caleb’s driveway and not putting them in any danger for a car accident.

“Unless you are opposed?” Caleb asked cautiously, propping open the door so Frumpkin could hop out. And yet, Caleb made no move to leave.

“No!” Essek said forcefully. “No, I mean yes, a third date. Yes. I want to have a third date.”

“Do you have any ideas?” Caleb asked. “Something that you want to do, since our second date was for my benefit mostly.”

“There is an event coming up,” Essek said slyly. “How would you like to be my date?”

“I would be honored,” Caleb said looking at Essek for a moment before leaning over the seat. Essek met him with momentum, and finally they kissed again. Caleb’s lips earnest and gentle, and Essek nearly sighed with comfort against him. Essek felt more real than he had ever had in his whole life, grounded instead of just floating through. How odd it was, to become a protagonist in your own life. How strange, that everything could feel new with a kiss. Unfortunately, his lungs were his own enemy. He pulled away to catch his breath, and to his surprise Caleb pressed another kiss to Essek’s forehead. “Thank you, Essek. Guten nacht.”

“...good night,” Essek said when he remembered how to speak. Caleb slipped out of his car and went into the house. Essek’s face was burning, his forehead was suddenly the epicenter of his heartbeat. Essek pressed his hand to his mouth, to cover his own smile but then decided against it.

If the stars saw him be happy, what should he care?

#critical role fanfic #shadowgast #essek theylss #caleb widogast

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saiilorstars · 4 years

Text

Dare To Forget Me

Ch. 13: Playing with Fire

/ Story Masterlist /

Fandom: Law & Order SVU

Pairing: Rafael Barba x Original female character

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

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Chapter Summary: Montserrat does her best to help Rafael as Muñoz's case comes to an end, even when the ADA is snarkier than usual.

Montserrat sat on her therapist's couch, relaying with ease what was currently going on with her. It felt nice having a place to freely talk without fear of being snapped at. It was just easy, which showed a lot of progress she made since she first arrived. Dr. Weslin had that recorded every time Montserrat showed up too. Even now, while Montserrat debated by herself whether or not to take it easy on her brother, she showed significant to in the free space offered to talk in.

"I mean, Gael is just being overly dramatic. He's ignoring me and what's worse - or childish one could say - is that he's separating his girls from me too," Montserrat sighed, pausing to think about her older brother. "Sometimes I just want to smack him like when we were kids. We used to actually throw punches at each other, can you believe that? Dad had to come in and separate us. He'd yell at us for thirty minutes without break."

"It seems like your father has always been your mediator then," Weslin noted. "Does he have anything to say about this argument between you and your brother?"

"He doesn't know and honestly he shouldn't have to deal with this. I'm almost 30 and Gael is reaching his forties, we're grown adults acting ridiculous."

"Have you told this to Gael?"

"Please, he's not speaking to me. I have a very a good talent at irritating people, whether I want to in that moment or not. Maybe that's how I always get myself into problems." Montserrat said with a heavy resignation that Dr. Weslin gave her a strange look.

"We're not talking about your argument with your brother anymore, are we?"

Montserrat shrugged her shoulders in an attempt to be casual. "I guess not."

"Would you care to elaborate, then?"

"There's not much too it, really," Montserrat shrugged yet again.

Weslin had come to notice Montserrat only did this as an overly attempt at being casual when she neared the topic of her rape. It was like Montserrat tried pushing it all behind her to form a past.

"Maybe if I hadn't been so irritating at work, people would have given more of a damn about what happened to me," Montserrat finally spat out. "Maybe they wouldn't have been so quick to brush it away and transfer me."

"Montserrat, you're not blaming yourself for this right?" Dr. Weslin feared Montserrat had somehow regressed in her recovery.

"No," Montserrat said with absolute certainty. "It shouldn't have happened to me, period. I just meant maybe if I had acted better, people at my old job, who knew what happened, would have had more consideration for me." Montserrat didn't like to think a lot about her old job in Queens, but the people there had never been the kindest. She didn't expect - nor want for that matter - a whole sympathy party from them, but she didn't expect to be pushed out of the job either. "That's why I like where I am now. At least if anything happens to me again, I know people might care."

It was a rather cynical way of thinking, but Montserrat felt it to be nothing but the truth.

~0~

By the time Montserrat returned to the precinct, many things had already gone down. For starters, the team had discovered their mayor-to-be was using secret websites to chat with other women, sometimes going truly explicit. Poor Amanda had been the center of his attention the previous night.

"Alex claims wall street is setting him up," Rafael wearily repeated the excuse Alex had given him earlier in the morning after speaking to him about the pictures he sent to Amanda.

The rest of the team exchanged curious glances but no one, except Nick, dared to mention what they were thinking.

"What, you told him we were looking at his account?"

Rafael took the accusation somewhat calmly. He expected some type of accusation along those lines. "I gave him a chance to get out in front of this."

Nick seemed to be angered with the answer, as he firmly believed Rafael was on another plan. "So now not only is he tampering with witnesses, he has you covering it up for him!"

"Nick," Olivia's call made no sense for Nick.

"What!? It's what you're all thinking!"

"Did you find any evidence at all that Lindsay is shaking him down or that he's paying to hush her up?" Rafael's question seemed more like a challenge to defy his words, and it only irritated Nick more.

"There's nothing so far on the public sites, but we'll keep checking," Amanda's fingers hovered over her laptop.

"Do that."

"We will," Montserrat spoke up for the first time since the conversation started. Her curt, brief answer was enough indication she was still very much irritated with him.

He took the jab with a nod of his head. It was well deserved, he knew. "Since we're all clear…" he turned to go, but of course it wouldn't be easy to escape with Nick trailing behind him.

"That's not going to end well," Montserrat got up from her desk and headed for the lounge to get some needed coffee. As she was pouring herself warm coffee, Sonny came into the room. "You want some?" she asked without looking up.

"Sure." Sonny moved over and reached for a couple sugar packs he knew she liked.

"Did Nick come back in one piece?" Montserrat slid her coffee cup to Sonny then grabbed another for herself.

"Not sure. I left before he did," Sonny ripped open a sugar pack and let it all drown into his coffee. "I bet Barba is just trying to keep it together right now." Montserrat briefly paused her coffee pouring, something Sonny noticed but didn't comment on. "I mean, it can't be easy being childhood friends with someone who's, well...turning out not to be the righteous man he once knew."

Montserrat carefully returned the coffee pot to its place. "No, it can't be. But it doesn't give him a right to be so rude when we're just trying to help, and to mention doing our job." There was a particular sourness covering her tone, but Sonny felt like there was an underlying hurt somewhere there.

"Course not, but try being in his shoes for a moment."

Montserrat finally stopped altogether and turned to Sonny. "Is there something you want to say to me?"

"I'm not trying to poke or interfere in whatever you and Barba have going on-"

"-it's nothing," snapped Montserrat, but there was a subtle shift on her feet. "And if you're that interested to know, I'm just a little pissed off that he's being more snarky than usual when all I did was try to be nice and be there for him." As soon as she finished her quick, but feeling-covered, explanation she regretted it. Sonny gave her a look and the fact his lips were twitching to form a smile made her feel no better. "Please don't say anything," she sighed and went back to preparing her coffee. "It's really nothing. I'm just...I tried to be nice and he... practically barked in my face to leave him the hell alone."

"Did he actually say those words?"

"...no. It was more of a…rushed 'I'm good'," Montserrat closed her eyes as another realization hit her. "...which really just means he wasn't. Dammit."

Sonny patted her back and took over the coffee preparation.

Montserrat released a big sigh and brought her fingers to pinch the bridge of her nose. "And me being the dumbass that I am, missed that." Sonny laughed beside her. "In my defense, I have my own problems too so my temperament is off!"

Sonny held her coffee cup to her with his usual smile. "No one blames you."

"I think one person does," Montserrat took her coffee cup and headed back for the bullpen.

Nick was returning as well but he seemed to be physically fine. "Guys like Barba, too smart for their own good."

"I'm sure he said the same about you," Olivia gave him a pat on the arm as he passed by.

"What, everyone thinks we should just let this go?" Nick looked around to see who was on that side of the coin.

"It's not that we want to," Montserrat spoke up. "But...we really don't have anything incriminating on Muñoz."

"Muñoz sent out some selfies but that's not a sex crime," Fin said before he chuckled. "All I know is I don't want to see any more of them."

Nick was frustrated that no one was taking him serious. "It's not just selfies, all right? This clown could be mayor. He opened himself up to blackmail, right? Eddie had cash. Where did he get it from, huh? This could just be the tip of the iceberg."

"I think we saw more than just the tip," Finn snickered at his spot.

Olivia motioned him to stop before the comments got worse. "Nick, even if you're right, this is a political corruption case. We'd have to hand it over to the feds anyway. What are we going to hand over? The pics he sent to Rollins?"

The woman in question cleared her throat at her desk. She'd been immersed in her computer ever since Rafael had left. "It looks like I may not be the only one. Enrique Trouble's popping up on other sites. It goes back over a year."

Hearing this made the rest of the team gather behind her chair to see her screen.

"Look, I found ten so far!"

"That makes him a dog, not a criminal," Fin still shrugged.

"That's not the word I'd use to describe him," Montserrat said before sipping her coffee.

"Well, one of these women that he was sexting with just got an executive position at the New York gaming commission," Amanda revealed and brought up the profile of said woman. "I wonder who could have pulled those strings."

"Anna Please," Olivia read off the screen. "She have any governmental background?"

"Doesn't seem like it."

"Hold up. I've seen this girl on a screen before, and it wasn't on c-span," Finn said with a curious smile.

~0~

"I don't understand this. I already have the position," the woman named Anna insisted for the second time, already sounding annoyed to the two detectives tailing her down the hallway.

"We have a few background questions," Finn simply repeated their excuse, which was the honest truth anyways.

"Mhm," agreed Montserrat, not quite in the mood for games. She wanted to be direct. "Your resume says you went to university of Michigan, but they don't have any record of you attending."

There was a brief flash of panicked on Anna's face as she sat at her desk. "They don't? Mm-mm. I should fix that. I was more like auditing."

Lies. Montserrat barely restrained herself from rolling her eyes. "Really? What subjects?"

"Dance and movement."

"No acting?"

Anna laughed casually, at least that was her attempt. "No. I never studied any acting."

Montserrat gave the woman one look before glancing at Finn. The man seemed giddy as he reached inside his jacket's pocket.

"That's funny, Amber, because my partner here says you're a real natural in - what is it, Finn?"

"This is my favorite," Finn turned over a movie box he'd brought with them. "Million Dollar a Night Baby."

With that in the air, Amber didn't see any point in lying anymore. She released a heavy sigh and looked past the two detectives to the open door. "Okay, this is unfair. It was a long time ago. I didn't do any adult films after that. Are you from vice?" she paused to once again look at the open door. She was being extra quiet now. "I didn't do anything illegal."

"Yeah, we're not so interested in your past jobs," Montserrat clarified. She planted her hands on the desk and leaned forwards. "We want to know how you got your job here. Did Enrique Trouble put in a call for you?"

Amber leveled Montserrat's look, not looking so intimidated as they'd hoped. "So what if he did? It's Albany. Believe me, there are people a lot less qualified than I am working here."

Of course, Montserrat wasn't one to lose so easily. "Fine, we'll remember that as we get your ass fired. Think about that then give us a call," she smiled sweetly then turned to leave with Finn.

They didn't make it out the office door when Amber called for them to stop.

~0~

"I'm home," called Montserrat as soon as she walked into her apartment. She could hear clinging and clanging from Kara's room while she set her things down.

A couple minutes later, Kara emerged from the hallway wearing a pretty blue dress that hugged her body. Her hair was curled and pulled back by two clips.

"Stark red lipstick," Montserrat smirked as she headed by for the kitchen. "That can only mean someone's got a hot date tonight."

"Oh, you betcha," Kara hurriedly patted down her dress as if it needed more help. "He finally asked."

"Who?" Montserrat returned holding a bag of trail mix.

As Kara opened her mouth, someone knocked on the door. Kara hushed up and went to answer instead.

"Oh hell no," Montserrat honestly blamed herself for not realizing quicker.

"Good thing is you know him," Kara pulled Sonny right into the apartment, skipping all the hellos and whatnot.

"Unfortunately."

"Montse," went both with the same disapproval.

"No," Montserrat stuffed more trail mix into her mouth. "If I don't see it, it's not real." And with that, she turned away from the two with no intention of looking back.

"You're a child!" Kara shouted.

Sonny was smarter in that aspect and said something that definitely made Montserrat look back. "And I'll make sure to let you know how it went tomorrow."

"You wouldn't…"

Sonny's smile said it all. "See you later, partner."

Montserrat practically shouted for them to get going already. She shivered once she was alone and dreaded what Sonny would tell her tomorrow, and even more so what Kara would say.

~0~

Rafael didn't think he would ever have to make such a grim visit to one of his old friends. One friend was already borderlining the enemy line, in Alex's perspective anyways. Rafael still had hope - albeit a tiny hope - that Alex would come to his senses sooner or later. For now, he had to try to get Eddie to come back.

He found the old friend in a familiar spot, the same park he used to play at when he was a kid.

"Hey, Raffi. What's good, hermano? How you find me here?" Eddie scooted on the park bench to make more room.

"I stopped by your place, saw your mom," Rafael took the seat but purposely kept a distance. It was awful being like that with an old friend.

"My mom looks good," Eddie knew what Rafael had come for, but he didn't want to get to it. He didn't want to argue.

"Bueno, we got to talk-"

"You know, they...they fixed this park since we were kids, right?" Eddie cut in.

"Yeah, they did. I remember how you always used to look out for me here," Rafael leaned back against the bench. Talking about their good days wasn't helping, but he couldn't stop. "When that gang from P.S. 109 would come after me for my lunch money...you'd put your arm around me. You'd walk me to school. You said anybody that hurt me would have to deal with you."

"You're my brother, Raffi. I would never have learned English if it wasn't for you. We're even, right?"

"I know that. You're loyal...To a fault," Rafael paused, taking a breath in in order to deal with what came next.

"We're not talking about p.S. 109 now, are we?" Eddie took the silence as the answer. "How much trouble am I in, Raffi?"

"Witness tampering, bribery…Eddie, those are felonies."

"I can't... I can't roll on Alex-"

Perhaps it was the final straw in the whole case, or maybe his irritation towards Alex and his blatant disregard for their friend finally got to Rafael, but he snapped. "You've got - you have got to think about yourself now! Jail's gonna go hard for an ex C.O!"

"Raffi, Alex has always been good to me, okay? He said when he becomes mayor, he's going to get me a job at one P.P-"

"Listen to me," Rafael once again snapped. He turned his body towards Eddie, hoping he could get through to Eddie once and for all. "Eddie, Alex is looking out for himself now. You've got your son and your mother to think about. You're not gonna be any good to them upstate."

Eddie looked out to the playground where his son was playing. "I can't hurt Alex. You tell me what I should do. You were always the smart one."

Well, at least one was still good.

~0~

While Amanda and Finn interrogated Eddie (with his lawyer present), Montserrat, Olivia, Nick and Sonny watched from behind the one-way glass. Eddie was practically singing like a canary about Alex's dirty work.

"We got him now," Nick said with visible pride. Everyone looked at him but there was a hesitancy to agree. "What? It's only right with everything Muñoz did."

"Don't get so cocky," Montserrat warned. "It's not real until the prosecutor gets the case."

"It's basically a done deal," Nick waved a hand at them and walked off.

"How horrible," Montserrat mumbled and started to leave as well. Olivia would remain to oversee the rest of the interrogation. "I don't want to even imagine how Rafael is feeling."

"He's the one who got Eddie to spill, so...he must be seeing the light," Nick said, stopping under the hallway threshold.

"Say that to his face," Sonny went right to his desk.

"You think I won't?"

"Oh," both Montserrat and Sonny collectively scoffed, making Nick roll his eyes.

"We know you will," Montserrat took a seat at her desk.

Just as the three were about to have a round, Olivia emerged from the hallway.

"We got him?" Nick was the first to ask, missing how Montserrat and Sonny glanced at each other.

"Yes…" but judging by Olivia's face there was more than she was telling. "We're going to have to do some digging."

~0~

After doing some digging, Olivia immediately sent Montserrat and Sonny to a high school in Yonkers that wasn't even that far from them.

"Is he frikin kidding me?" Montserrat continued to repeat even as the principal of the school led her and Sonny down a crowded hallway.

Sonny didn't say much but it was clear he was disgusted as he saw more of the innocent students walking by. They were targets of their next mayor-to-be.

Jodie Lanier was not a school teacher, far from it. She was a fifteen year old student with an addiction to her cellphone. The blonde girl was taken to a secluded classroom in order to be talked to.

"If this is about the mall, I paid for these bracelets," Jodie hugged her wrist full of bracelets.

"It's about Alex Muñoz," Sonny's response made the girl stiffen.

"I-I don't know who that is."

"No?" Montserrat raised an eyebrow. She had no mood to tolerate the girl's lies. "Then why is he giving you money? And I would be careful with how you talk to a detective."

"O-okay. I know who he is, but I've never met him," Jodie said quickly.

"Not in person? How about on social media?" Montserrat glanced at Sonny who was nodding in agreement. "I mean, you've exchanged messages."

"I can't talk to you about this," Jodie's eyes flickered between the detectives, feeling more and more trapped.

"Because that's why he's paying you?" Sonny's question was met with silence. "Look, Jodie, you're not in any trouble here."

"Then can I go?"

"Soon. But we need to take a look at your cell phone."

Jodie quickly shook her head. "No way. I have rights!" But seeing the two serious detectives made her falter. "Don't I?"

"Okay, Jodie, this is how it'll work if you don't cooperate right now," Montserrat stepped forwards, intimidating the girl without effort. "If you don't hand the phone over right now, we can and will get a warrant for it. However, to do that we'll have to talk to your mom."

Bingo, the right words had been said.

"Please don't call my mom."

~0~

"Okay Nick, now we got him," Olivia said after reviewing their evidence against Alex. And boy was it a lot.

"Now what?" Amanda looked at the rest of the group, all solemnly quiet due to the problems they were about to cause for not only their friend, but for the city itself. "The election is happening and like it or not, what Barba said is true. Should we attack before or after?"

"We need to do it now," Finn said before anyone else spoke up. "It'll be a lot harder to make the case when he had even more power."

"It's not quite up to us, though," Olivia reminded them all where the case would be going.

"But it will be handled before anything happens," Nick said the obvious.

"We have to hand this over to Barba," Olivia pulled her glasses off and rubbed her forehead. It was going to be a difficult conversation.

"Let me do it," Montserrat's volunteer came as a surprise to the group, although not so much for Sonny. Whoever volunteered would be volunteering to get yelled at and probably insulted.

The job was hers.

~0~

The last thing Rafael expected was for Montserrat to stop by his office. She came with a mission, however, and it was not a good one.

"Sorry," she felt the need to say as he watched him go through the evidence.

Rafael did a double-take at her, seeming almost incredulous. For a split second, Montserrat thought she did something wrong again.

"Oh God, what I say now?" she sighed.

"Nothing," Rafael said quietly then returned his attention to the report. "Absolutely nothing," he mumbled under his breath.

"When are you handing that over to the special prosecutor?" she then asked, though the fact she was rocking on her feet was signal enough of her nervousness.

"I... I'm not sure. I want Alex - I want him to do it out of his own accord. Be the man he used to be."

Montserrat could say that was a failed plan, but she thought she should be more cautious with her words. "But you just said it. He's someone else now. You can't keep giving him chances you wouldn't offer other perps."

The label hurt more than it should've because it was true.

"I have to try," Rafael insisted, pushing himself up from his seat. He knew what she was thinking - that he was biased, and he probably was - but he needed to do it one more time, at least one more time to say he did everything he could. "Maybe now that he knows what's coming, he'll want to do the right thing."

Montserrat watched him move around the office, trying to convince himself that things could be turned down the right path. She knew what the outcome would be and she was pretty sure that he knew too. He was just trying to convincing himself Alex would take the last chance.

"That's your plan?" she took a seat on his desk, ignoring his brief look for that, and crossed her legs. "Stupidly waste your time? And at night, by the way?"

"It's not a waste of time," he snapped. "I'm giving him the opportunity-"

"-he doesn't want an opportunity!" Montserrat suddenly snapped louder than he had. "C'mon, Rafael, you're too smart for that. How did Nick put it? You're too smart for your own good!"

Rafael stopped his pacing to glare at her, but even then Montserrat didn't back down. She'd grown very used to it by now. Still, she knew this was a different situation, one that had him going crazier than usual. That pushed her guilt.

"You're not desisting, are you?"

"Not at all."

You stubborn man. Montserrat inwardly sighed but still ventured to help him. "Fine. Then I'm coming with."

Rafael paused for another second, thinking it was a joke or another tactic to get him to stop. But when she didn't retract, he became uncomfortable. "Why?"

"Because you're hell-bent on losing your job and because I'm an idiot who loves being yelled at."

That sting was of course meant for him and it was well delivered, but she didn't actually seem to be upset. That just made things odder. He knew he'd been unnecessarily rude to her, in the same situation they were in again, and yet she was stupid enough to come back for more?

"No, absolutely not," he said in the end, but he should've known who he was dealing with.

"You don't have a choice. I'm coming, end of story. Or I go and arrest Alex myself. I'm sure Nick would accompany me if I asked."

Rafael's glare returned, and deeper too, but he knew when he lost...even though it wasn't often. Montserrat got him. In another moment, he would've been impressed. "First, get off my desk."

"Sorry," Montserrat quickly got off and smiled cheerfully.

"Second of all, don't ever threaten me like that again."

"That I cannot promise. You have a tendency to only understand if you're being threatened," Montserrat shrugged and moved to the side. She gestured towards the desk where the evidence rested. "Get what you need."

Rafael looked at her for a full minute before walking up to his desk. Before sifting through the evidence, he glanced at her. "Novak, you're setting yourself up for trouble."

"I know," Montserrat said with all honesty. Her bluntness was even more surprising to him.

She was dead serious.

~0~

The flashing lights in the building would make Montserrat blind if she remained there for too long. Fifteen minutes of standing there were already doing a number on her.

"Now I see why you say 'no' to these events," she told Rafael while she rubbed her eyes.

The ADA was quietly standing beside her, eyes trained on the incoming guests. So many important people had passed by except for the one he needed. Eventually, he began to hear Alex's voice greeting those at the entrance. It was, of course, sucking up.

"Do you want me to come with you, or…?" Montserrat trailed off when Rafael raised a hand indicating her stop.

"Just make sure no one else follows," he curtly warned before taking off.

Montserrat frowned after him. She hated the way he was talking to her, but she tried to remind herself his situation. It was courtesy, leniency, she was trying to offer...but he was pushing her buttons.

"Be the bigger person, be the bigger person," Montserrat mumbled under her breath as she walked past the guests.

"Now? Seriously?" She arrived in time to see Alex's response to Rafael's probable polite asking for a talk.

The local reverend of the place came forwards, almost reeling Alex away from Rafael. "There's a room full of union leaders and CEOs waiting to hear how he's going to save the city."

Montserrat practically pushed her way through the crowd in order to cleverly respond with, "Then unless you want that whole room of Union leaders and CEOs to hear that your friend may be guilty - of several serious charges by the way - you should listen to my friend."

Rafael gave her a side-glance, seemingly thankful for the jab.

"Rafael, todo bien?" Yelina had done the same as Montserrat - moved people out of her way to get there, but the only difference was she did in a lavender cocktail dress.

Rafael kept a straight face when he replied. "Alex and I need to talk."

"Ahora?"

"Well, let's get a nice shot," the priest pulled Yelina towards a photographer and a group of waiting guests. "Mr. Slater, will you join us?"

"I won't be long," Alex promised Yelina, giving her a long kiss afterwards.

Montserrat rolled her eyes in plain sight. She was so done with these people.

"Do you know what they're going to talk about?" Yelina approached Montserrat almost immediately after Rafael left with Alex.

Montserrat cleared her throat and practically looked anywhere but Yelina's face. "I...may have an idea, but I definitely know you're not gonna like it." And even though she kept true to her words, she could tell that Yelina had figured out a good portion of the situation. "I'm so sorry," Montserrat could only say before leaving herself.

As she exited the building, she could see the two shadows of men across the street. She's didn't want to admit that she could hear some pieces of their conversation - turning into an argument real fast, she might add - but it was inevitable. What she was lost on was how someone could deny what was so blatantly true especially when it hit them in the face. Because that's exactly what Alex was doing, even when Rafael kept springing new evidence right to Alex's face.

In fact, Alex was getting offended as if he had a reason to get offended. It was ridiculous.

Rafael was left to walk the street alone since, according to Alex - and a hidden truth - he was no longer friends with the people of his neighborhood. Montserrat felt sympathy for them all, but even more for her friend. And by this point, Rafael was going to go mad. It hurt that he was being accused of purposely drowning his once best friend into an abyss. As if he was the wrong one.

One thing Montserrat was sure of was that friendship was over. The bad blood was too much.

"Rafael! Hey! Stop walking!" Montserrat sprinted after him down the street. "Would you - I know you can hear me!"

Finally, the ADA stopped and turned sideways, his expression warning her to stay away. Of course, Montserrat wasn't one to always listen. "Novak, you're free to go."

Montserrat snorted, her offence etching across her face. "No one was threatening with me with a gun, Rafael. I came for you. As backup. As...support because I can't imagine what you're feeling. I wouldn't be able to take it."

"I can. You can go-"

"-I'm not leaving you alone like this! What the hell did Alex tell you?"

"That he doesn't care, basically. He has…" Rafael stopped for a second, still unable to believe where they were now. "He has no morals left. So now I have to do what my job tells me to."

"You're going to turn him in," Montserrat quietly said. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't be," Rafael said then turned to leave.

"Well…" Montserrat hesitated to follow, knowing she was just pushing his anger to double, but it wasn't a good idea to leave him alone either. "Do you want to go get some drinks? Coffee maybe…?" She'd only taken a couple steps in his direction when he whirled around with newfound anger.

"Novak, leave me the hell alone! I don't want your company, I don't need anyone else! So leave me alone already!"

Montserrat blinked in shock at his outburst. Of course she figured she'd finally pushed the right button of his to make him snap like that. She couldn't say she was surprised. "Sorry…" she cleared her throat and brought her coat closer to her chest. "I'll...see you tomorrow, then." She started turning in the opposite direction and only paused for a second to apologize again.

Rafael shook his head and started on his own way home, but as he walked he remembered this wasn't the first time he snapped at Montserrat while she was trying to help him...the guilt started settling in. He didn't feel guilt very often, which was what made it hard to ignore this one. "Dammit," he muttered to himself before turning back. He didn't exactly know what he was doing but his feet were moving in Montserrat's direction, and fast too.

He spotted the familiar red hair nearly at the end of the block. She was on the phone...and he started to overhear.

"No, I'm coming home right now. Jesus, who are you? My father?" Montserrat snorted at whoever was on the other line. "Oh no, if you're at my place then I'm not coming home for a long time."

Montserrat pushed the pedestrian button to cross the street and waited her turn. "I did go with Rafael to that stupid event but in the end I got the worst of it." There was a brief pause before Montserrat snorted again. "Nah, he's being an ass. I'll go check up on him tomorrow morning." Another pause passed then Montserrat started bidding goodbye. "Yeah, whatever. See you tomorrow, Carisi." She stuffed her phone into her coat's pocket and continued to wait for the light to switch.

Montserrat heard someone clear their throat followed by a, "So you talk to Carisi at this hour?"

Montserrat playfully rolled her eyes. The pedestrian light switched to go so she stepped onto the road to cross the street. "What do you care if I talk to Sonny?"

"I'm just curious," Rafael walked alongside her.

"Why are you back?" Montserrat's question was asked in the a tiring manner, as if she'd done this over and over. (And she had). Two times was enough to get a hint, though.

"I realized I acted like…"

Montserrat stopped once they'd crossed the street and turned to face him. "...an ass? Yeah. You are. It's why I was giving you the night to cool off."

Rafael's smile was wide and amused. "Really? And you were still going to come back?"

Montserrat wanted to ignore his amusement but she somehow ended up smiling as well. "Yeah. You're an extra rude prick but I'm letting it go on, on account of the situation."

Despite the light atmosphere between them, Rafael had to get serious. And when he did, the guilt returned. "Montserrat, I'm...you came with me - you offered to come with me and I...I yelled...I was…"

Montserrat smiled even wider when she realized what he was attempting to do. She would've let it go on for pure amusement but she figured he was already having enough troubles, so she gave him a break and surprised him with a hug.

"What are you doing…?" Rafael went stiff, to the point where Montserrat nearly laughed.

"Hugging you because you need it," she mumbled. "I'm sorry about Alex."

"So am I," Rafael admitted. "But don't count him out. He's a winner." Montserrat scoffed, but he was quite serious. "When I was seven, my mom said, 'stick with Alex. He'll be mayor of New York someday.' She never said that about me."

"But you turned out even better," Montserrat said automatically and missed his brief smile.

"It's politics. No danger of a traffic jam on the high road."

"He was a friend-"

"-so was Yelina. She thinks this was personal, not professional."

"Stop," Montserrat drew away from him to look him in the eyes. "If they'd been your friends, they wouldn't have put you through all of that. It's on them, not on you."

"Thank you," Rafael said after a minute. He looked at her for a minute while it donned on him she'd been the only one to be with him throughout the entire case, even when he probably didn't deserve it. He pulled her back for another hug, startling her, but it was ironic since he wasn't able to hug back the way Montserrat would expect. It showed he didn't do a lot of hugging in his life...which was a shame because he had the arms for it...and a good scent.

Get ahold of yourself, Montse, she silently berated herself.

"Is your brother still not talking to you?"

Montserrat was startled by the question. "No. In his perspective, I'm still the ungrateful daughter who insulted our father." Her sarcastic remark wasn't enough to make it seem like it hurt less. But just like Rafael, a grimness settled across her face. "He's not letting me talk to my nieces, nor see them. I don't have a lot of family in New York, so...it's a little hard dealing with it…"

"I know," Rafael agreed. "You'll get through this."

"...so will you," Montserrat whispered.

She sincerely hoped they could.

#rafael barba #svu #ocapp #ocappreciation #rafael barba imagines #svu imagines #svu fanfics #rafael barba fics #law and order svu #oc: Montserrat Novak #fic: dare to forget me #noblecrescentedit #sonny carisi #olivia benson #amanda rollins #fin tutuola #Nick Amaro

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mothmansfriend · 4 years

Text

when i’m happy oh god i’m happy

TW: alcohol abuse, non-graphic sexual content, unhealthy coping mechanisms, self harm (in many forms), drug use, couchsurfing, mentions of delusions and paranoia, otherwise reckless behaviour

Note: this takes place in @illogicallyinclined’s hockey au and is a Prequel this is supposed to represent what Remus’s manic episodes look like everyone is different, but im using a mix of my own experiences with bipolar i and some friends who were willing to talk about theirs, then changing it to fit Remus’s existing Absolutely Feral personality, Jared and Payton are OC’s and teammates of Remus, the three of them are known for wrecking havoc at all times because none of them possess a braincell.

The art studio was empty, filled only by the assorted music of Remus’s sculpting playlist on the bluetooth speaker he brought in, and Remus himself. His hands glide through the wet clay and he basks in the slimy feeling between his fingers. Remus’s hair is held back by a small headband and he is wearing a tank top and jogging pants already covered in various mediums he has used through the day. He does not know where the energy to finish every project for this semester came from but he isn’t about to object.

If you were to look around this studio, there is a high contrast painting of a tentacle creature that is unsettling in an almost unidentifiable way, half of a self-portrait which uses resin teeth as the main element, as well as his current project of a large cup shaped like a decapitated head. In short, while Remus believes these are his best pieces, the chances of the university permitting them to be displayed are very low.

Remus gets frustrated that the music didn’t seem to be filling his inspiration in the way he hoped he changes the song revealing it to be approximately 4am, and no texts received since he sent D a picture if the teeth pile around 10pm.

—

“Can you go wake Remus up and ask if he wants any breakfast, he really shouldn’t sleep in this late, even if it is Saturday” D asks from the stove while Roman grabs his carton of milk from the fridge and doesn’t bother grabbing a cup.

D grimaces at him as he chugs back the milk, once again thankful that they have separate ones (even if that is at fault of Remus deciding to mix apple juice with milk in the carton without alerting anyone else in the household). “He actually headed out like, real early this morning, I spoke to him when I got up for a shower at like six. He said he’d be back today though?” Roman replied ignoring D’s look.

“Well, that’s even weirder. I’ll make extras so he can eat when he gets back, it's already eleven.”

“Sounds good,” Roman noticing D’s almost done slides a few plates next to him and accepts D’s soft ‘thanks’.

Suddenly they hear someone miss the keyhole three times before getting it and entering. Unsurprisingly, it’s Remus inappropriately dressed for a casual outing, surprisingly he seems to be holding several bags full of merchandise. “Helloo roommates! Look what I bought!” Remus shouts, slamming the door with his foot and bringing his bags to the couch.

“Are those... cups?” D asks turning off the stovetop to curiously check out Remus’s merch load.

“Hell yeah they are! I figured since you-” He pokes at D, “Took away all our glass cups after me and Roman went to that last party, I would take it upon myself to replace them. Look!” Remus proudly pulls the ugliest Jar Jar Binks cup out of one of the bags.

Roman visibly recoils as his brother parades the worst cup he’s ever seen around their apartment. D rolls his eyes but collects the cup and hesitantly places it into the dishwasher. “Thank you, Remus, these cups are horrid but they’re functional, which, I guess is good enough. Though, how much did these cost?”

“No idea, probably around sixty bucks total though, maybe. I went to three different thrift stores. Look at this one!” Remus holds up a vaguely terrifying cup that seems like it may have once resembled Spongebob Squarepants to Roman.

“That’s… Great, Remus, thanks” Roman says taking the offered item.

—

The three make it to practice 20 minutes early because Roman likes to prove he’s dedicated and a good captain. Coach Thomas and Joan greet them and Thomas talks to Roman briefly as Joan finishes setting things up. D and Remus do some stretches as others begin to show up, D comments on Remus being shaky and Remus hops around quickly explaining that he just woke up with a lot of energy for some reason.

Coach Thomas reminds Remus to take his time during practices speeding through everything doesn’t work if he keeps messing up before he even makes it halfway through.

—

D is going to kill Remus tomorrow morning. The repetitive sound of the bedframe slamming against their shared wall, and Remus wailing like a cat in heat at 1am is not something he wants to deal with right now. It’s a Tuesday night and D knows Remus has a class at 11am, one that D will not let him skip because he decided getting laid was more important. How does Remus even get a man to willingly enter that nightmare of a room? D rummages through his bedside table for ear plugs and regrets giving Roman the far room so easily.

—

“Jesus- Hello? Do you know what time it is?” The tired voice answers the phone after the third time of going to voicemail.

“Of course I don’t, Jared, I’m not a fucking nerd! I just thought I might extend my offer of filling the fountain in the middle of campus with bubble bath and a swim to you and Payton! D already said if I woke him up he would cut my dick off and feed it to his snake,” Remus audibly pouted at the end of his sentence.

Despite it being three am, it didn’t take a lot for Jared to wake up Payton and agree to meet him just off campus to run to the 24/7 convenience store for soap for the fountain. Remus leads the group in talking a mile a minute about something that Jared and Payton actually missed out on entirely. They try to contribute but realize Remus doesn’t notice when they have their own conversation anyways. They listen to him vaguely flit through topic after topic and get lost and confused in his own sentences, and once the soap is collected, they head to the large fountain in the middle of campus.

The fifth bottle of soap has been discarded and the fountain is sufficiently bubbly by the time the three hockey players strip to their boxers and begin their bath. There are attempted drownings, bubble beards, and the fountain change being thrown around.

At some point Remus stops talking for a second, observing the lithium bulbs through the fountain streams and bubbles floating across the courtyard. For a moment, he thinks he’s never been this happy in his life, these last few days have been the best days of his life. He lets Jared and Payton know this and like stare at him for a moment before teasing him about going soft and a few “I love you, bro” “Dude, you mean so much to me” and such were exchanged. They leave moments before campus security’s due to do their rounds in the early morning and laugh when about an hour later they receive a campus-wide notification to avoid the courtyard for repairs.

—

Remus spends most of practice being more annoying than usual. He gets a bit more of a stern talking to than he has in a while, in response says that he’ll try to do better to prepare for the game this weekend.

—

He did not succeed and got an even sterner talking to by Coach Thomas and Joan, and then by Roman separately.

—

Remus has a brief moment of clarity regarding his spending habits from the last week and a half in the middle of his current project. His solution is instead of buying the club size container of hot sauce, he makes a trip to the Taco Bell off campus. After dropping off the rest of his goods at the apartment, it was pretty late in the evening and he was dressed in nothing but neon green basketball shorts, slides, and a pretty badly stained grey tank top. Thankfully, Florida weather permitted this, though the looks he had been receiving all day disagreed. It likely did not help that if prompted, Remus wasn’t 100% on the last time that he slept, but if he had to guess it was two or three days ago, but that was probably a maximum of five hours. Surprisingly, he had never felt so good in his life. He’s also pretty sure he’s said that a lot this week.

He leaves Taco Bell with a small meal bag full of hot sauce at no cost.

—

D doesn’t ask any questions when he uses the bathroom in the early morning and is met with the sight of Remus in the bathtub. He is covered in a large variety of substances. The floor is covered in Taco Bell hot sauce wrappers, there’s a box full of water balloons of various colours and sizes. Remus waves with his available hand before he resumes filling the current water balloon with what may be a bulk container of banana lube. D pisses, not bothering to ask Remus to leave and just pulls the shower curtain over a little before washing his hands and deciding to figure it out tomorrow.

The next day, D woke up around 10am to a few texts saying some prick is throwing weird water balloons at first years off this academic building on campus. D didn’t think much about it until he was leaving his 12:30 lecture walking past splatters of mayo, egg, egg shells, hot sauce, and more, all separately. While observing the damage he found Remus asleep on some grass outside said academic building and had to call Logan for help to get him home. The two are used to this by now and D reminds himself to tell Remus to clear his ‘great ideas’ with someone containing a braincell.

—

Remus spends a good majority of his day listening to one song in the living room of the shared apartment. He was there when D left for classes, he was there when Roman left a little later in the day, failing to go to his own classes at all that day. The second D returns for lunch Remus is trying to explain a hidden meaning in the song, D brushes it off and reminds Remus, that to pass his classes he has to at least go.

—

This is Remus’s third night out in an area of town he really doesn’t know. He went home yesterday for early practice before coming back out. He knows it didn’t go well.

In attempts to make himself feel better, he blew a guy who’s name he already forgot but was hot as hell, he lost count of the shots he’s done, but at least there’s no practice tomorrow. He doesn’t have to worry about when he goes home, doesn’t have to worry about Roman or D and their weird concerned looks. He’s doing great! Why are they concerned, they just don’t get it.

At 2 am everyone gets kicked out of the club. Remus walks six blocks with his new friends with the promise of couch space to crash on and additional alcohol.

It’s suddenly 4:47 am and Remus is the only one awake and all the booze is gone. He is sitting under lithium streetlights smoking a cigarette on the porch of a strangers house with the humid Florida wind enables him to sit comfortably without a jacket. There is a moment, with sirens in the distance that Remus lets his eyes go out of focus. For the first time in who knows how long, he feels present. There is cracked cement under his feet, a dog barking a few houses down, and he wonders why he’s even here. The hidden Prince twin, here, in a city he has only been to once for a tournament, in a stranger’s house, drunk off his ass, his phone dead. He takes time to wonder, is this fun to him? It has to be right? Why did he just leave without telling anyone? Spending nights on the streets, or finding someone to go home with just so he didn’t have to find somewhere else to sleep. Is this who he is now?

He doesn’t know if he can answer that. Remus shakes himself before putting out his cigarette on his arm and deciding it doesn’t matter.

He still doesn’t sleep that night, but plugs in his phone and decides he needs to go home soon.

—

This is a different club than the previous night, someone sold Remus a few pills earlier and he figured why not? He feels better than ever. He lets the man he’s making out with know that and he lets out a kind of raspy laugh that Remus thinks is the hottest thing. He lets the other man know that too before sticking his tongue down his throat.

—

Remus is in the park yelling. It is almost 6pm, he pauses for a moment, completely forgetting what he was yelling about. He realizes that he is pretty drunk. Remus would normally like to say he only drinks with an excuse, but he doesn’t remember why he’s drunk, or how he got to the park. This isn’t near campus, he doesn’t recognize this park at all. He just stops yelling and googles the next bus to take him home.

—

Upon arriving home and greeting D, Remus falls asleep in his room for almost 12 hours to make up for the missing sleep from the last four days. When he is woken up for food and offered tylenol for his hangover, he tries to tell them he doesn’t have one. They don’t believe him, but he takes the food. Remus makes a joke recalling how the other day all he had eaten was some stale croutons he found in a pantry and half a bottle of Fireball he found in the fridge nearby. The joke did not land, but he was too busy laughing about it to notice.

The three eat their Sunday lunch with small amounts of banter and D switching between who he agrees with based on who’s statement didn’t sound like it came from a six year old. As they clean up, Remus starts excitedly talking about something that’s topic changed around four times in one sentence. Roman feigns interest but got lost and doesn’t care enough; D listens and has to ask Remus to repeat things slower every few minutes.

—

Several times throughout the night, D hears Remus loudly leave his room to check the front door. In the early morning D doesn’t hear Remus return to his room, but faintly hears netflix turn on in the living room.

In the morning, Remus seems wary of the door but does not say anything.

—

One day while messing around in the kitchen Remus is struck with the need to just go. The urge is so strong that the more he stands still in the kitchen the more his body just begins to tremble with barely contained energy. He doesn’t quite know where he’s going yet, but as he grabs his wallet, double checking he has his bus pass and ID, a jacket, his phone, and his keys. Without telling anyone, he walks to the main exchange near campus where he hops on the first bus that arrives. The bus isn’t particularly busy, and it makes it easier for him as he settles into the back of the bus bopping to his music, but not having the focus to listen to a song all the way through. He hits his hands softly on the very 90’s looking patterned seats to the beat of the song, watching out the windows with both legs bouncing. He rides this bus to the end of the line and catches the next bus to arrive at that bus exchange that takes him into a new smaller city. The sun is beginning to set and he finds a pub to grab some food and a few drinks at.

An hour and a half and four drinks later Remus is fighting some asshole in the pub and they both get kicked out. He wanders these smaller streets buzzed and poking at forming bruises while he smokes a cigarette. He walks by a convenience store and two homeless men outside ask him for a cigarette, he shares and spends a solid amount of time socializing with them and gets some booze for his troubles. They eventually part ways when one of them come out from the bathroom with a pack of stolen cookies. The store attendant chases them away and Remus finds himself wandering down empty streets again. Eventually, Remus decides to sleep for a few hours curled up in a stairwell, he doesn’t quite sleep, but does relax. Again, in the sounds of small city life, yellowed flickering light bulbs, and humid wind, Remus wonders why he’s out here.

—

The flashing neon lights and bass heavy music resonate through Remus’s bones like electricity giving him a never ending feedback loop of energy. Just before the club closes Remus sweet-talks a kind of nerdy looking guy into taking him home, while he’s mostly just hoping to not sleep outside tonight, getting laid wont hurt either.

—

Sneaking out of someone’s house before they wake up isn’t something Remus is necessarily proud of, but he doesn’t want to risk them doing something cheesy like make him breakfast. Sorry sir, Remus is a Manic Pixie Nightmare Boy, do not catch feelings, do not use for your own character development. He laughs to himself a little walking down the morning rush streets.

—

After waking up in bed with a man he doesn’t remember meeting the night before is a little jarring, but this is not the first time. It makes him wonder briefly if something is wrong with him. Remus is tired. Exhausted with himself and getting a little tired of this much fun. Instead of finding a diner for breakfast he catches a bus home and asks Logan if they can hang out tomorrow. If anyone will force him to go home, go to practice, sleep and not give him a choice to study or not without expecting him to explain himself. It will be everyone’s favourite Large Nerd. Remus doesn’t know what’s happening or why he feels like this, but he needs to go home and stop this for a little bit.Virgil, D, and Logan will help him get things a little back on track.

#sanders sides #remus sanders #hockey au #bipolar disorder #university au #roman sanders #deceit sanders #remus prince #roman prince #d foster

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asterinjapan · 5 years

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Walks through history and caves

Hello again!

Today was a hot and sunny day, so of course I spent most of it inside, haha. That’s not as much of a shame as you might think, because I saw some lovely things and I didn’t melt. That’s always a plus.

Follow me behind the link for today’s report on Okinawa World and the Okinawa prefectural museum!

So, yeah, two things today again. I have a bunch of things I want to do or visit, but not all of them can be combined due to bus lines being very inconvenient. In general they’re pretty great, but sometimes two things are like 5 kilometers apart and yet the fastest way by bus is going to the other side of the island first… So I stayed up late last night and scrambled up my list to see what came up. As it turns out, the Prefectural museum is on the other side than anything else I’d like to visit, and would thus always require a trip back to Naha. That would be the plan for the afternoon then!

In the morning, I went to Okinawa World. It’s a theme park of sorts about, well, Okinawa, and frankly the majority of it is… well. I mostly came here for the cave, which we will get to later, because upon entering, I learnt that there would be a performance in ten minutes, so I went there first. It turned out to be a traditional Eisa-style drum and dance performance and boy, did that group pack a punch! Near the end they rolled in an absolutely massive drum as well, those were some intense vibrations, haha. Despite the heat (it was open-air, although underneath a tent cover), time flew and I had a good time during the performance. I however can’t say it’s music I’d very quickly buy a CD of, because I feel this is something you have to experience.

After that, I made my way to the limestone cave, Gyokusendo, the second biggest in Japan. It was formed over the past 300,000 years and measures 15 kilometers in length, although only a little less than 1 kilometer is accessible to the public. And accessible it is: there’s a metal walkway with guardrails and at the end there’s an escalator, so you don’t have to climb stairs all the way up again.

The most impressive part is right at the beginning: once you descend the first flight of stairs, you face an absolutely massive room full of stalactites and stalagmites. It’s pretty dark in here, but there are enough lights to find your way and take pictures without needing excessive flash. And although mankind has carved itself a path through the cave, it’s definitely still a natural beauty. The cave narrows the further you get, and at one point they’ve had to carve a pathway through the stalactites since they had gotten too dense. The big dangers here are tripping as the ceiling drips incessantly, and hitting your head against a stalactite, haha.

Here and there, special places were marked and occasionally got special lights, like a blue pool of water and a waterfall.

Overall, I really enjoyed this walk, especially since it was only 21 C down here, haha. That was quite the clash once I got back outside, with 30 C and sun. The cave exit leads you into the Kingdom Village, which is full of work shops that all require additional fees, and a bunch of souvenir shops. Uh, yeah, it’s a bit overly commercial here, haha, but I was prepared for that and thus didn’t really mind. Outside the cave they were selling commemorative pictures which they had taken before entering the actual cave, so I uh, caved and got that one. I should be able to download it tomorrow too, so that’s nice! I still look very jetlagged on that picture, but hey, not a lot of full-body shots of me here otherwise, haha. It’s all selfies or nothing.

I walked through Kingdom Village fairly quickly, although it looked very nice. Scents of all kinds of food were mingling, and that didn’t exactly do wonders to my stomach along with the heat. I most definitely skipped out on the snake show (thankfully you can opt out of paying for that in the first place) and looked up my bus times. Still plenty of time left, and thus I crossed the street to find a café.

Not just any café, however – the Cave Café! Across the street lies the Gangala valley. You can only take a tour if you make reservations, and I’d juuuust come out of a cave, but you can still take a seat and have a drink at the café. Which was really cool, because it is indeed inside a cave, with stalactites dripping above you. They served soft drinks with flavored ice blocks, so I asked for the most popular combination (lemon and – something) and took a seat.

After soaking in the cool air and the pretty views for a while, I went out to find the bus stop. The bus took me back to my starting point, about 9 minutes away from my hotel, but I wasn’t done yet for today! No, I boarded the next bus which brought me to the Okinawa Prefectural Museum. Although I must confess I rushed into the nearest shopping center first to find a bathroom and a water tap, haha.

After that, I walked to the museum and got myself a ticket for the general exhibition in the historic museum, skipping out of the art museum and special exhibitions as it was already close to 4 PM. I didn’t have to rush, though, since the museum is open until 8 PM on Fridays and Saturdays.

And I’m happy I didn’t have to rush, because whoa, this museum is packed! I got a free audio guide, which came with 50 (!) audio spots, and consisted of a map with a digital pen. You set the pen to your preferred language and then tapped the audio spot on the map. To be fair, if you listen to all audio clips, it takes much longer to make your way through, haha, but it definitely added to the experience.

The museum has a very impressive opening with a glass floor looking down into the coral life that surrounds the islands of Okinawa prefecture. Right in the first hall, there’s a relief map on the floor of the islands, and with light projections, they show how the islands were formed over the ages. The history museum really lived up to its name and covered the entire history of the Ryukyu islands right from the earliest human being discovered there, to the kings and culture, until the eventual 17th century invasion by Satsuma (currently Kagoshima in the south of Japan) and eventually annexed by Japan in 1879 as the Okinawa prefecture, only to be briefly under USA command following the horrific and devastating Battle of Okinawa in 1945. Okinawa was returned to Japan in the 70s, but the relationship remains difficult as many Ryukyuans feel independent of Japan. Sure enough, Ryukyu culture is a mix of Japanese, Chinese and other influences and yet has its own character, and even managed to remain a kingdom under Satsuma and Japan, be it with adjustments to become a vassal state. Current concerns are the loss of Ryukyu identity due to mixing with Japan and Japanese attempts to push their language and culture onto Okinawa.

So yeah, pretty difficult topics presented in a mostly neutral manner, but there was still more to discover. The natural history part went into length about the unique eco systems of Okinawa’s different islands, with very specific species of insects, birds and so on that got cut off from the rest of the world early on and now only exist here. They went the extra mile and replicated the environments here, trees and all, with animals hiding in between the trees for you to find (not live ones, of course).

Other parts of the museum discussed all aspects of life, including funerals, and this is where I truly learnt why the urns at the Tamaudun Mausoleum were surprisingly big. They do not contain ashes, since cremation wasn’t par of the course back then. Instead, once the body had decomposed, there was a bone washing ceremony and then the bones were deposited into the urn, their actual final resting place. Apparently the urns are now sought after because they’re pretty and there have already been instances or grave robbing… Geesh.

Aside from that slightly disturbing note, there were more folklore exhibits, such as the dressing up as the gods, which was on tv the other day and confused me completely, haha. The person dressed up as god, Miruku, supposedly comes from across the sea (which is something akin to heaven for people living on an island) and brings good fortune. Other gods must be appeased as they might bring bad omens. And unlike mainland Japan, it’s the women here who are spiritually superior and communicate with the deities as priestesses. I think I could have watched an entire museum on that topic alone, haha, but they did a good job covering the basics here considering how broad their scope is.

There are also a couple of traditional buildings outside, but I didn’t stay there for long since well, I just visited the Nakamura house already, haha. And I was getting really, really tired – although I had a great time at the museum, I was secretly kind of glad to be through. It made for an interesting contrast with Okinawa world, although I can’t say the latter felt super ingenuine or something. Just – commercially inclined. But I’m not sure in how far Okinawan/Ryukyu culture is actually oppressed and in how far it is akin to what I’ve heard the Ainu people on Hokkaido say: that they feel they had to put on a costume to even show their culture at all. I don’t think that’s the case here, but I’m way too uninformed still to say something sensible about that on Okinawa, so I’ll leave that to your discretion. Maybe I’m just spouting sleep-deprived nonsense here, who knows, haha.

After that contemplation, I had a (slightly too big, but still) delicious dinner in the mall, which hosts several traditionally Japanese food stands, and then walked to the bus stop on the other side of the road. Technically the wait for the bus meant that I could just walk back to my hotel and arrive there at the same time, but it had been a long day and it was past 7 PM, which means it’s dark here, so uh, the bus it is, haha.

And now I’m back in my hotel! Longest day so far, so I don’t know what I’m up to for tomorrow. I have enough to choose from, that’s for sure! Photos will be up soon, and thank you for reading all of that. See you tomorrow!

#report #japan 2019 #report: japan 2019

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ur-mom-kayn · 5 years

Text

Loyalty Chapter 30: Introduction to the league

Kayn Pov

Time passed and Kayn became involved in the league. He went to training to get to know the system and the different champions. Together with Xayah and Rakan he sat in a training room and was hit by PowerPoint slides. Sometimes he hates modern technology. Just using his cell phone proved to be exhausting. Feeling every minute he had to annoy Zed because of odds and ends. The biggest difficulty was to gently touch the screen. Kayn did not trust the technology. Nevertheless, he learned to deal with it.

After the training series, the two birds were introduced and Kayn was still hanging around with Zed. After all, he could tell the staff how he would like his room. Actually, he wanted to have it just like Zed did. The bed was only allowed to have the structure of a boxspring bed. However, he needed the black curtains for his master, so he feels comfortable with him. By now they were a real couple only without sex. More than oral and mutual pressure reduction was not in it. Kayn did not feel ready and Zed became nervous about sex. Besides, they would never do it in front of Rhaast. He was often with his brothers. Kayn actually made friends with Varus. As stated by Zed, he often showed himself with him in public.

They ate together and often talked about this and that. He had not learned more about Darkins. Somehow, only Aatrox was a real chatterbox and a nuisance. He loved to graduate the beings around him. Kayn hated such disrespect. But that was nothing compared to what Yasuo always pulled off. He always pushed it to the extreme with his stupid flute. Kayn often argued with him about the place under the tree. The young acolyte wanted to meditate and the drunken samurai only plays the flute. Two things that harmonized with each other. Every time Yasuo bothered him, he showed him part of his darkened form. It went so far that Kayn was able to corrupt himself. Sounds bad, but that only showed him how much power he had over Rhaast. He did not need him to strengthen his arm. He could do it alone now.

Kayn stayed away from the other factions as far as possible. The confrontation with Darius was a lesson to him. He focused mostly on Zed, his training and his neighbors. As good as he went, he slipped into the other and played the sympathetic young man. Even between him and Ahri, everything was as if nothing had ever happened. Only Akali did not buy the charade from him. She remained skeptical until the end. Only good that she had no vote in the council, but her master Shen. He understood himself better and better with Zed. Had something to do with the fact that Zed behaved halfway.

Zed's plan to get into the council has not yet been revealed. Actually, they had to wait until the official entry of Kayn into the league. Fortunately, that could not take much longer. Today was the first day he could go into the summoner's rift so he could investigate his attacks. At his side, his friend and master, Zed. He was so annoyed to confine himself to only 4 attacks. With the advice of Rhaast, they agreed on Reaping Slash, Blade's Reach, Shadow Step, and Umbral Trespass. "Mmmhh ... would it be possible if you could change the role as Passive? So how does that work between you?" The employee asked Kayn and Rhaast.

"So when I cut myself into the flesh, Rhaast can take control of me. When I concentrate and my friend comes up against me, I become a Shadow Assassin. In the transformation itself, we completely heal our bodies in both forms." "No, no, no. That's too OP. Your transformation becomes your Passive, but it only happens once in a turn and will only be executed in the fountain. It also has to look spectacular. So would that be possible?" "Of course. Kayn likes to ram my blade into his chest." "Now do it halfway ..." Kayn complained. "No, that's perfect. That's how we do it. Good Kayn and Rhaast. Please attack Zed now for the Champion Spotlight." Kayn understood nothing and did not want to understand it either. He wanted to hurt everything, just not Zed. His attacks were all deadly.

"I certainly will not attack Master." "Kayn! That's not real. I will not really die, so attack me already. It's going to be your job right now." Kayn felt uncomfortable. He never attacked the real Zed. So far, it has always been a clone. Attacking Zed with Rhaast was not right. "Ah, and if you're already killing Zed, please say something, for the interactions." The co-worker had nerves of talking to Kayn. He pretended that it was no big deal to kill the man you love the most. "Now Kayn." Even Zed put pressure on him.

Kayn finally gave in and attacked Zed with his 'Q'. Immediately after the attack, he inquired of Zed. "I am fine. Now continue!" Kayn performed his 'W' and then the Umbral Trespass. Zed fell on the ground and 'died'. Instinctively, he said, "It should never have come this far." "Perfect. Say something else" the employee prodded him. "You taught me too well." "You're a natural talent Kayn. I buy the words immediately. The bitterness in your voice is very convincing." If only he knew. Kayn really had a lump in his throat. Fortunately, his master came back alive 30 seconds later.

"And was that so hard?" "Of course! You know how important you are to me." "Sure, I know that, but did not you say yourself a few months ago that this is just a simulation? A game?" Yes, Kayn remembered the words, but he did not give a damn. Talking was always easier than acting. After all, Zed was really fine. He has not taken any harm from death. Very interesting this nexus. "So Zed, now kill Kayn." "Hang on!" The younger protested. Unfortunately, he did not get any further because a blade was stuck to his body as fast as lightning. Zed did not hesitate but immediately took the opportunity to kill him. Strangely, Kayn did not feel any real pain. He could not move. He fell aside and involuntarily closed his eyes. His death was really simulated. However, he lived 10 seconds later again. He was in the well and was allowed to take the long way back to the jungle.

Kayn would not be Kayn if he did not accelerate the way with the Shadow Step. Strangely enough, he suddenly flew out of the wall. What was going on? Normally he could be unlimited in the walls and now he could not even get in again?! "What the hell?" What's going on? Are you losing your strength? Rhaast could not help anymore. Annoyed, Kayn walked to the river. He immediately unbuttoned the employee. "Hey, what is this place? I can not use my 'E' permanently. And if I want to use it again, it will not work!" "Calm down Kayn. This is normal. Your ability has apparently been scaled. You own now a cooldown. You've probably noticed something in the training. Everything you do is weaker than in real life. I mean, I can only summon 1 shadow and swap positions once every 20 seconds."

Slowly Kayn got the puke. The league was just a mirage. Annoyed, he pulled the training through. Sometimes he was Shadow Assassin, then again Rhaast. And the Darkin was just not cooperative. It was the purest clown fiesta. After the gap, it went directly to skin making. Kayn had no idea what a skin was. Zed tells him shortly with different outfits. Actually, Kayn thought then that he is led to a wardrobe, but puff pie. He came in a computer room with a strange platform, where a strange mirror stood opposite. At his side was always Zed, to instruct and calm him.

"Kayn get on the platform so they can take measurements of you." Kayn obeyed his master and was first scanned by. He had no idea how the whole thing should be. He was too overwhelmed with the technology. After being scanned, several stylists approached him. Everyone introduced himself, but Kayn did not keep a name in his head. "Nice for a change to see a ninja without a mask. Young man, is this your traditional dress you have on?" Kayn looked briefly in the mirror. From training he still kept the Darkinarm, which meant that he was free upper body. Downstairs he wore his loose trousers with a robe and his magnificent belt. In addition to his normal combat boots. "Yeah, that's my normal fight clothes." "And you always wear braided hair?" Kayn nodded.

"Good Good. Then you look so normal. Now we only need one skin. For that, we need a concept." The stylists turned and whispered to each other. Sometimes they stared at Kayn and then continued their discussions. "Master, what do they mean by concept." "A topic that they call the skin. I have something like 'shockblade'. Accordingly, he looks like this. Or the SKT Skin I got by winning the World Cup. Skins are cool if they are not embarrassing." "Do you have one?" "Mmmmhhh ... ", Zed grunted darkly. That meant something like yes. I hope they make Kayn a serious opponent.

After a felt eternity, they turned around again. "So Kayn's concept is 'Soulhunter'. Our designers are now doing the clothes and we'll take care of your look. Can you hide your pony in a high braid?" Kayn unzipped his hair and re-tied it as desired. "Perfect. Now stand in front of the mirror and see and wonder." Incredulous Kayn stepped in front of the mirror and suddenly saw himself with white hair. "What the hell? How did you dye my hair?" "With the help of a hologram. We can modify things like hair and skin color. Just like we did Deathsworn Zed. Your friend will remember." "Yes, I do. We sat for hours until my hologram was perfect. After all, it was the value. Anyway, there are places where you can project your skin on you. Depending on what the Summoner wants. So your hair is not permanently white. Still, I have to say that it suits you."

Kayn knew Zed was grinning under the mask. "If so, I can keep my hair that day, to get used to it, of course." The stylists agreed. After taking some measurements from Rhaast, Kayn had to leave work. Together with Zed, he disappeared into their room. "God, the git may be exhausting." "Do not say I did not warn you." Zed closed the door behind him and then pulled Kayn to his waist. Kayn was so free and released Zed from his mask. And as he thought, Zed stood there grinning. "What's so funny?" "Nothing. You are just so incredibly beautiful with white hair. Have I ever told you that you are extremely changeable?"

Kayn returned his smile and kissed his lips briefly. "Do not think so. But I think it's pretty obvious. So what do you want to do tonight with white-haired Kayn? Is there anything concrete about you?" "Mmmmh ... yes. Staring for example. No, that was fun. I honestly feel the need to pull your hair." Kayn quickly learned that Zed was really up for it. Sometimes it was no problem, but in the long run, it could be annoying. His hair was not a dew. It hurt a bit somewhere, but today Kayn had a good day.

He led Zed to the bed and handed him one end of his ponytail. "What am I supposed to Kayn with? It is useless if you give yourself so easily. No, I want to do that spontaneously."He did not feel like fucking anymore. After all, he was not a doll that could be treated like dirt. Kayn uninvited his pants and went to bed. "What are you doing?" "Trying to pause. You can pull tomorrow spontaneously," Kayn replied with a sarcastic undertone. "Did I do something wrong? You sound so annoyed." "Yes ah! I do not want you to say that I surrender to you. I serve you, but I do not surrender to you. That sounds like I'm not up to you in a fight and that's complete nonsense and you know that. But I also do not want to find out who is stronger of us. It's only important to me that you consider me as equal. And just because you do not, we still did not have sex with each other."

"What's that supposed to mean now?" "That means you expect me to hold my ass off. I do not want that. Did not you even think about giving in?" Suddenly Zed opened his eyes wide. "You want something?! That your master puts his ass at your disposal? Is it still possible?" Kayn snorted involuntarily. "Exactly, that's what I mean. You play the master card constantly. You are my master, that's why I distribute the blowjobs for you. You're my master, which is why only I get hickeys and your skin stays flawless because I'm not allowed to. I have long been at the level of a master. The only reason you continue to be my master is that I want to be your heir. I have not been learning anything from you for a long time. That's why I expect a little more equality from you."

Zed looked at Kayn's description, just plain. He could not cope with the sudden change of mood. Kayn was not a diva, but he became sensitive to the subject. In recent weeks, it has always been 'Ah, you're Zed's student'. He also had a name. Kayn was tired of being in Zed's shadow. Although it will take time to persuade the others, at least Zed should consider him as an independent individual. But he could forget that, if Zed equates their professional status, the relationship.

"Kayn, now listen. I did not know that you felt that way. Of course, I consider you as equals. My choice of words earlier was unfavorable. Forgive me. But I really can not imagine being the passive one. That does not suit me and yes, you too. But I thought, if you love me, then you would be ready to make a higher sacrifice than me. And now please do not take that wrong. You are the most important person in my life. I can not go without you now. However, I still have a blockage. And I've never asked you to have sex. You are right that we do not evenly give and take in our relationship. I take too much. I promise you to pay more attention to it in the future. Nevertheless, I would never let me fuck you. Either you give in or we leave it. "

#kayn #zed #rhaast #kayn x zed #zed x kayn #zeyn #fanfic

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basement-office-log · 6 years

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Some Thoughts about BTS...

So... this is basically, the story of how I got in and out of the BTS fandom. (Okay not exactly out because I’m still casually following them nowadays)

How I discovered them is ironically, like many of you, through youtube. It was just before the Run era I guess??? (around the end of 2015). Like somewhen between the Dope and Run era that I got in the fandom.

I guess I can consider myself as one of those depressed fans (lol), I actually remembered there was a option in the BTS fan survey around their BS&T era(???) that said “are you the kind of person that is easily depressed” and I ticked yes.

Almost instantaneously, I fell for the song “Butterfly” it was just the prologue that released back then. The MV was beautifully made, with a sad happy yet depressed undertone, perfectly described how I’m feeling back then.

I first noticed I’m depressed back then in 2015 (let’s be honest, college makes everyone depressed), more like “ahh so this is what being depressed is”.

And what now... I’m writing this after a tiring long day at work so things may jump back and forth...

Both their HYYH albums, I had gone through countless late nights listening the tracks on repeat, those are still my favourite albums up till today. Beapsae, instead of partying, that was the song that kept me awake till 5 a.m. ahh those memories... Same with Dope, I did not read the english lyrics until the hundredth repeat lmao. I was actually expecting the song to be about how cool I am, come to oppa and I’ll make you the princess kind of lyrics but ehh boi you surprised me with those raps hmmm.......

And... Jungkook, I did not like him when I first got into the fandom, to be honest. Because he’s younger than me and also he’s the center, main vocal of the group, despite the youngest. I remembered I was like, wow cocky brat isn’t it. Hehhhhhh but I grew to like him over time anyway, he’s cute, talented, good looking and all but still, it would be hella a headache if I were to have a younger brother like him.

It took me a year to like Jungkook because... The more I look at stuff, he’s just a regular boy, growing up, working hard, trying not to disappoint his parents and people around him. In a sense, aren’t we all just like that? There really is no reason to hate.

Another member is Jimin. He’s another member that I don’t quite like when I just got in the fandom. We all know that he acted a bit flirtatious during his debut days, up to the Danger era, honestly, his eye make-up makes me feeling uncomfortable to look at him. That’s the first thing. The appearance and the way he acts, in no way I’m trying to say he’s ugly, because if I were to compare myself to him, umm I probably looked like a bum lol.

It took me a lot longer to like Jimin, it’s until the Spring Day era that I thought, alright Jimin is charismatic and cute, admit it. Hah yea... Now, this is when the second stage of not liking Jimin comes. I started to fear him. It’s weird I know, why would I scared of “the mochi of BTS” Let me tell you why.

It’s scary to see how hard a person can work, that his goal is probably more important than his life. It makes me think that I am not and will not be a person like this, living is more important than what I am achieving. I wouldn’t want to risk my life doing things, however important that thing might be. Well people said, you will never achieve your goal like this if you don’t put your life on it. But I don’t care about that, but at the same time I’m feeling guilty about that.

It might be a Korean thing, we all know Koreans worked insanely hard because of society standards. Or it also could be a Jimin thing, Nevertheless, this man have my respect. The respect that I keeps me away from accepting him.

I’m kind of in the neutral range with Suga, J-hope and Jin like they are cool, fantastic, great people.

-----

This is almost 24 hours later, since the last paragraph. Again, a long and tiring day, after work, prolly a few minutes away from losing consciousness (a.k.a. falling asleep lol)

This shit is going to be very VERY long, nah it doesn’t matter because no one is going to read this anyway, even if I tagged BTS below, I’m writing this for myself.

I’ll just briefly talk about RM and V before going into my main topic today, (all because I cut myself off yesterday to hit the hay ekkk).

Rapmon bro, the reason why I decided to look into this group is because of his mixtape. I have 2 of his tracks in my old phone back then, everything was gone when my phone literally died a few months back. (The whole album is available for free download anyway so its all good) I have no interest in hip hop or whatsoever back then, but I became interested in hip-hop just a little after listening to his mixtape album. He is really someone I look up to, honestly, it’s no easy job to be a leader, not just in idol groups but just in every field in general. I tried becoming one because my mother always expect me to be one, after a few attempts (it was back in high school by the way) I thought it’s just not my thing, I’m more of a following instruction kind of person, I do my part and make sure everyone is okay. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t want to become a leader like person. In the future, maybe... But my depression went really downhill these days, so I’m not sure if that day will come. But I do aspire to become someone like him.

V or I prefer calling him Tae. He is my first bias. His existence just screams “RELATABLE” to me, (minus his looks) He seemed to be struggling with words whenever he tries to say something. That also is something I had to deal with on a daily basis. It’s like when you have good looks, everything you did is cute, but for me, it’s more like an annoyance. So I tried to keep quiet as much as possible. Nevertheless, I just hope that I will meet someone that will understand the way I talk like the other BTS members did with Tae, have a best friend like Jimin and... yea.

BTS hmm the annual sit and talk for part of their BTS Festa thingy, it’s called the Dinner Party this year hmm cool. I stopped watching after the first 30 minutes, for the exact reason why I also did not watch more than 5 minutes of last year’s sit and talk.

We all know that, they had achieved tremendous success for the past few years. A lot of their songs often circle around their hardships and what fuck the haters?? If that make sense. Whenever they have talks like this, I always bail myself out there, and yea I never install Vlive back after I got this new phone because there really is no reason to catch every live and Run BTS episodes now.

This was not long before the DNA era, I always found myself having thoughts like:

“So you have started to avoid BTS hmm?” Yea right, took me a while to admit. I used to not miss a single notification. There is no more random videos on the BangtanTV channel as they get more and more popular, there is just backstages and really just back stages and behind the scenes of their daily schedules and tours. It shows that they are working hard, really hard. Which leads me to the next question.

“It feels uncomfortable isn’t it, comparing yourself to a worldwide famous group of artist?” Hmph. I worked hard, really hard. I even live by the motto, do or die. But that doesn’t seemed to be enough. People around me, always told me that I should push myself more. I DID, I REALLY DID, BUT WHY CAN’T YOU SEE IT.

“But BTS can, why can’t you?” I’m just going to work harder, I tell myself. I don’t have to face the same pressure as BTS did, I’m having it way more easier. But at the same time, there is seven of them in BTS, but there is only one me.

The voice at the back of my head, you are not helping.

I swiped away all notifications from BangtanTV ever since.

Because seeing them having each other around reminds me how am I not going to have friends like this, how I’m never going to achieve this much. But mostly it reminds me how lonely I am.

By the time the Mic Drop remix released, I started having what I called the depressive episodes. I think I’m going to describe them as a waking nightmare, all the thoughts in my head are killing each other, fighting for the limited space in my head. Which ever thought that dominate my mind is the winner. I stared into blankness, tears and snots all over my face, hyperventilating while finding excuses to tell people what happened to me if anyone ever sees me.

Honestly I don’t think people is going to read this... but the tag is down there just for the slightest hope that people that come across this will know that, ahh there are people like this out there too... Some of you might think, this is pathetic, attention seeking but at the end of the day, I just want some closure for myself. I need to admit that, no matter how much interviews I watch, how much memes I’ve seen everyday, they are not going to be my friends. They will forever be the people in screens, and I belong to the 97% of the population that will lead a normal life.

Here I am, the Fake Love era that comes to a close. I can’t even bring myself to listen to the whole album, because chances are, some of the lyrics are going to trigger the shit out of me. Same goes with Suga’s mixtape, J-hope’s mixtape.

I really miss the days where they made simple love songs like the ones in the Dark and Wild album. Blanket Kick is my personal favourite.

I’m sure there are still a lot more that I had in mind but I just forget what is it about to include in this. I’ll get a part 2 done when there is time.

BTS now just feels like the popular kids I went to school with, now graduated from a school named ARMY, they are like the ex-classmates I bump into once in a while. Thank you, for the best 3 years in my life. I had lots of laughter, times that I forgot about my sadness and your warm words that took me through difficult times. You are the reason that I survived until today and also the trigger of some of my episodes.

SInce it’s already past midnight, I wanted to say Happy 5th debut anniversary, stay healthy (to both BTS and ARMY out there) be happy and may you all be reaching higher and higher till you celebrate your 10th anniversary. (or maybe longer)

*Just a sidenote, as a Malaysian fan, I’m just going to keep calling Rapmon, Rapmon because RM is our effin currency, I don’t want to be reminded of money issues whenever I thought of you. As far as I know, you do have a beautiful name as your mother definitely did not named you Rap Monster. It’s just that stage name exist for a reason. And I think I know at least 5 Jins in real life, so the wide shoulder hyung is just going to be Kim Seok Jin in my head haha yea.

#bts #unpopular opinion

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peacefulheartfarm · 3 years

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What is a Freemartin Heifer?

What is a freemartin heifer? That’s today’s topic. It is related to one of our cows having twins. Stay tuned for those details. In other news, “is that a skunk?” That’s what I thought yesterday when I was walking out to get the cows. You never know what you are going to run into on the homestead. And the dogwood trees are in bloom what a treat. It’s different for us out here in the country. Driving along the highway, there are lots of dogwood trees in everybody’s yard. These are well-trimmed and very round trees. They are quite lovely. The dogwood trees here on the homestead are sprinkled through the woods. It looks like it is snowing in patches everywhere. I love this time of year.

I want to take a minute and say welcome to all the new listeners and welcome back to the veteran homestead-loving regulars who stop by the FarmCast for every episode. I appreciate you all so much. What would I do without You? I have no idea. I’m so glad you are here. I’m so excited to share with you are the various stuff going on at the farm this week. There is a lot of it.

Our Virginia Homestead Life Updates

This time of year, everything is kicked into high gear. It seems like one thing is happening right on top of another. And when you have the odd thing pop up – like your windshield getting a ding by a flying rock on the highway that quickly expanded to a lengthy crack requiring a windshield replacement, it makes it that much busier. To top off that cute little story, you never question how much it is going to cost for those great auto-driving gadgets if something breaks. The windshield has a camera right behind the rear-view mirror that required recalibration after the glass was replaced. That lovely service cost one and half times the cost of the windshield replacement itself.

A day later I find out that the automatic headlight features are no longer working. I have to make a second trip to town for some codes to get cleared out. That fixed the problem but it took another three hours out of my day. Do you guys have days like that? You have so much to do and you end up doing something completely unrelated to anything on your “to-do” list. I still have a pending “to-do” regarding that windshield replacement. In Virginia, every county has an annual inspection that requires a sticker to be displayed on the windshield. Yup! You guessed it. That little feature didn’t survive the procedure. I got it back in pieces with an apology and a reminder that I would need to get that inspection sticker replaced. When am I going to get that done? Geesh. It has been one of those weeks. On to the homestead happenings in and around these minor annoyances.

Gardens and Orchard

The strawberries are doing really well. I can’t wait for them to start blooming. Speaking of blooming, the blueberries are busting out all over. Keep the second week of June in mind. That’s likely when we will have blueberries available at the farmer’s markets. I’ll be making lots of blueberry jam again this year. At least I hope I will be.

If you’ve been around the podcast a while, you might remember that we have had some trouble with racoons in the past. These are really cute creatures and I’m willing to share a little of our abundance with them. However, when they start eating the entire crop of blueberries, that’s where I draw the line. We put up an electric fence two years ago. It worked beautifully. In fact, it worked so well that we didn’t even have it working last year and we still got all the berries. I guess the experience the previous year was so “shocking” that these little guys decided not to even try last year. I wonder if that caution will hold up for another year. Naw, let’s not test it. That electric fence needs to be reinstated in the coming weeks to ensure that we are successful in harvesting our wonderful blueberries.

The blackberries are growing lots of leaves but have not started blooming quite yet. It is a wonderful time of year when the blackberries bloom. A related plant, the wild rose, also blooms about the same time. Between these two plants, the fragrance in the air is heavenly. The goats have cleared out most of the wild rose and wild blackberries so we may have to rely solely on the domestic blackberries for our perfumed air this season. We shall see.

The green peas are jumping up out of the ground. Scott built a wonderful trellis for these lovelies. We have two 70-ft long beds with six rows of peas in each that are coming up. Peas love the cool weather. It’s a good thing they do. The temps are going to drop into the low 30’s tonight. But I expect the peas to be fine. There might be a very light frost, but we should be okay with that.

The early blooming fruit trees are done and will be setting fruit at this point. That is a greater concern. If it gets too cold, the cherries, peaches, and plums could lose their fruit. I was looking at the peach trees yesterday and I didn’t see any small fruit. Perhaps it will be all right. We shall see.

What was I doing out in the orchard yesterday? I was chasing a small quail.

Quail

While I was testing the automatic waterers, one of the younger girls slipped by me and jumped to the ground. I chased her and chased her and chased her. She got into the orchard and the grass is about 8 inches tall in there. I saw exactly where she landed but when I got there, she was gone. I walked outward in a spiral, expanding larger and larger, but I never saw her. I guess she’s gone for good. Sigh! I hope she has a great life out there on her own. Hopefully, she will be able to fend for herself. It’s hard to tell though. She has always had her food presented in an easily consumable form with no effort on her part. Out there on her own, she will need to scratch around a lot to find bugs and worms and such. Quail are very carnivorous and require lots and lots of protein. I wish her the best. Who knows? She may turn up in a day or so and I will be able to catch her. We had that experience a couple of years ago. Scott lost two hens that time and we eventually caught both of them and returned them to their cages. So, there is hope.

The rest of the quail are doing very, very well. Twice a year Scott gives the quail hutches a thorough cleaning. He finished that job just as the new babies went out into the grow out cages. They are doing really well. We have 36 of them at this time. Figuring out how to work the automatic waterers is always a challenge, but they mastered it in no time.

Just this morning 72 more eggs went into the incubator. The second cycle of baby quail has started.

Sheep and Lambs

We are done with the lambing season. The last ewe delivered twins a few days ago. Girls!! Yay!! They are doing very well. We ended up with three girls and three boys. Six healthy lambs. Susie Q is still getting her bottle twice a day, but she has been turned loose with the rest of the sheep and lambs. I’m thinking she doesn’t like this very much, but she is getting used to it. Because she was so attached to Scott and myself and literally never left our side, it was important for her to start spending her time with other animals. After all, she isn’t a human and she needs to make friends with the other animals.

It seems to be going well. I always feel sorry for these lambs that have no mother caring for them. But they seem to do very well in spite of their orphan status in the flock. Lambert is our flock ram. He was a bottle-baby last year. Look how far he has been elevated in status. I’ll probably keep Susie Q as a flock ewe also. The bottle babies are somewhat like pets. Not exactly, but definitely more special than the others.

Cows and Calves

Violet is the only animal we have left who has yet to deliver. She is not due until the first week of June. It’s always a relief when we make it through this delicate time for all of our female creatures. Scott briefly talked about having a second set of lambs in the fall. I am not in favor of this as it is quite stressful for me when our ladies are nearly term. I’d rather keep it to just a couple of months in the spring. My nerves need a rest for the remainder of the year.

Butter produced a very big surprise for us. If you haven’t seen and heard Scott’s video on our Facebook page, you have to get over there and find it. It was posted on Thursday, April 15th. He is filming the results of him helping Butter deliver this cute little girl when all of a sudden, he sees another set of hooves. Here’s a link to that post. It’s hilarious. Watch to the end.

The twin calves are really cute. However, there is a problem when twins are one boy and one girl. The heifer calf, the girl, is most likely what is called a “freemartin”. That’s the topic that I want to dive into with more detail.

Butter’s Surprise

I had Butter pegged for delivery in late May, not mid-April. I’m not sure how I got so far off on those calculations. I think I was planning ahead on my spreadsheet, estimating where the dates would fall with various scenarios and neglected to put the dates back to their original settings. About three or four days before she gave birth, it became obvious that my calculations were off. Her udder swelled up and she was just huge. And it was the day before she gave birth that I had the very strong thought that she might have twins. She was really huge. It really is hard to tell though. When they fill their belly up with hay and grass, it can get really big even when they are not pregnant. Add pregnancy and they all look really huge just before they give birth. I just had that very strong thought and then she did, in fact, have twins.

There is no problem when the twins are both girls or both boys. But when one is a boy and the other a girl, there are definite issues. Nothing like they will die or anything like that. No, they will be quite healthy. It’s the freemartin phenomenon to which I am referring. What? You don’t know what that means? Neither did I.

We had actually purchased a calf that was a likely freemartin heifer when we purchased our first milk cows, Claire and Buttercup. We purchased Beta because the price was right and we wanted one additional cow strictly for beef. So, what is a freemartin heifer anyway? Here is the low-down.

Freemartin Heifer

The term freemartin refers to an infertile female mammal with masculinized behavior and non-functioning ovaries. The animal originates as a female with the double X chromosome, but during gestation acquires the male, XY chromosome. This can only happen with a male/female twin gestation. As I said, as long as there are two girls or two boys, there is no problem. This occurs in all cattle species that have been studied, and it can also happen occasionally in other mammals including sheep, goats and pigs. We have never seen this in our sheep and they deliver mixed male/female twins all the time. So, I have to think it is quite rare in sheep. Sheep and goats deliver twins and even triplets all the time. However, natural twins in cows only happens about .5% of the time. About one in every 200 births. A large cattle herd of 200 or more cows would see twins regularly in any given calving season.

With the male/female twin calf set, they not only share the uterus but they also share the placental membranes. That’s where the problem arises. The joining of the placental membranes occurs at about the fortieth day of gestation. After that happens, the fluids of the two fetuses can easily mix. There is an exchange of blood and antigens that carry unique characteristics of bulls and heifers. In the end, both will have some characteristics of the other sex.

The male is only affected by reduced fertility. In the female, over 90% of them are completely infertile. That makes her a freemartin. One who is genetically female but has characteristics of a male. Ovaries generally do not develop correctly and are small. There can be other structural anomalies as well. In the end, freemartinism cannot be prevented. And it really is rare. Even with any set of twins, there is a 50%-50% chance of same sex calves. If I do the math correctly, that means that 1 in 200 births would produce twins and at least half of the time, those twins would be fine – twins of the same sex.

Anyway, that’s the story of our twin calves. They are cute beyond measure, but likely we have two steers. I don’t know about the Hansel. Oh, I forgot to mention we call them Hansel and Gretel. So, I don’t know if Hansel will make a decent bull or not. But we can be pretty sure that Gretel will never produce a calf. What do you think we should do with these two calves? We currently are bottle feeding both of them. They could be sold as bottle babies. We could raise them as steers. We could try to breed Gretel when she is old enough. We could raise Hansel as a bull. He is 50% registered Normande and 50% registered Jersey. If he is fertile, he would make a fine bull for somebody.

Let us know what you think.

Final Thoughts

That’s it for this podcast. It’s a great time of the year here on the homestead. I’m so glad to be nearly finished with birthing. As I mentioned it is quite stressful for me. I just never know what to expect. We have beautiful lambs and beautiful calves. We are truly blessed. The joy of watching all of the plants and animals grow will fill our lives for the next several months.

I hope you all are having a wonderful spring season as well.

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Thank you so much for stopping by the homestead and until next time, may God fill your life with grace and peace.

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