#cath's amazing everyone should follow her

[bookwyrminspiration]

@everliving-everblaze and I wouldn't have it any other way!

(p.s. you can watch it back here)

#kotlc #kotlc sophitz #it was more 1 hour and 48 minutes but that's close enough to 2 so #anyway #only the real ones understand (joking) #what fun :) #cath's amazing everyone should follow her #using my newly anointed (from the stream) niche internet microcelebrity status to influence you to check out catherine :)

[benka79]

Saying 'I Love You' never felt so good

McDanno meta. Season 4 meta.

Okay, I'm here again because I couldn't put these thoughts in my previous meta!

You can find my previous meta here.

I need to scream about the foreshadow and subtext of the Beautiful first, real, I Love You in the show, episode 4x18.

Let's start

After choosing you

Okay, I said in my previous meta Danny chooses Steve and Grace instead Gaby.

But, before that happens, we had a conversation between Steve and Danny at the beginning of the season 4.

Remember when they were hostages of terrorist that belonged to a drugs cartel in the Palace? There was a wounded person and Steve was kneeling by his side, and Danny came and said he was about to say the three words to Gaby? Remember Steve's reaction to that?

I had to ask for help to my friend @mrsaquaman187 , I don't have the gifs but I do remember when Danny started saying it, Steve closed his eyes and scratched his left eyebrow.

This is sign of uncomfortable, and nervousness.

Why he reacted like that? Oh well, just because he knows Danny said 'I love you' to him in their first date, and then he began to date Gaby, so... That wasn't serious for sure, and he thinks he is gonna do the same to her. So... Steve gave an advice, he said Danny needed to know well if he was about to say those words, because is a big deal.

We know Danny didn't say it to Gaby, but to someone else...

Then we have Amber... But she is not the one

Okay, pay attention to this... Because the episode in which Amber appears, starts with this scene...

Gif credit @wildandwild

Grace says this after Danno confess she's the number one in his list.

And look at what she says, NUMBER TWO ISN'T EVEN CLOSE.

Because when Danny meets Amber, Amber says they're neighbors, because Danny is from Jersey and she's from New York.

So, the second one in Danny's list IS NOT CLOSE TO DANNY. Is not Amber. (Even if I love her, because she's badass and fabulous).

The writers made it wilders, because we will have Steve talking to Grover, saying Danny is IN THE NORTH COAST, WHICH MEANS, HE IS NOT CLOSE TO HIM, DANNY IS FAR AWAY FROM STEVE, AND VICEVERSA, SO, STEVE IS SETTLED HERE AS DANNY SECOND IMPORTANT PERSON IN HIS LIST.

Then we have Danny doubting if he should give this cute woman a chance, because, okay, he's not getting enough attention from his Seal and Gaby is gone. He decides to give it a shot.

Jealousy and Acceptance

Okay, what I'm about to say here is very sad.

When Danny arrives to Steve's house, he asked for Amber, and Danny had this sad expression in his face, but then Steve said Danny was perked up, and Danny mocks saying he doesn't perk up. And there's this exchange of looks, and Danny is smiling, but he's hiding what he is feeling right now. And then... This... (Thanks Trisha)

The following gif set credit belongs to @peggyswilliams

Fine, we have Danny naming situations, these situations are the same that brought Danny and Steve to work together and then to become great partners and best friend's, so, the face is screaming jealousy, but also, sadness. Because Danny is saying here YOU ARE SO KIND WITH YOUR NEW FRIEND, PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU TWO LIKE EACH OTHE.

And this, my friends, is huge!!!!

Danny is recriminating Steve about the way he treated him when they first met, and they way they flirted, and all those golden days full of dates and silliness, PEOPLE THOUGHT WE LIKED EACH OTHER. So, he is saying YOU CONFUSED ME, I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING THERE. And his face is full of sadness and longing.

Danny sees Steve being kind with Grover, and getting close to him, and he is Jealous, and he knows Steve is like this with everyone.

But this one, Danny is sad, and jealous, and disappointed, he is mourning that time when they were something else than friends.

Then Steve's tunes around and Danny face is pure longing. Is amazing, the performance is perfect, and you can read it all over his face and his eyes. His longing for Steve. For those days in which people thought they liked each other.

The I love you, and how Danny perked up after that

Episode 4x19 in which Danny and Steve were trapped when that building crashed, it was very pivotal in the show.

First of all, because Steve attention was again focused on Danny.

Steve thought Danny had died, so when he hears his voice, he runs to him, and holds his hand, with the biggest smile, showing his happiness and relief.

Steve was practically taking care of him, offering him water and trying to take care of the wound. In the middle of the horrible situation, they were bonding again.

Then... When Steve was about to explode that bomb to get them out from there, Danny tried to deliver a message to him, thinking that could be their last hours. But he couldn't, so he said it like a joke, because joking I their defense mechanism to say how they really feel for each other, is their safe place.

So this happened... Danny says, playing around, that he hates Steve, and Steve got the message, he turns around to the bomb, and says I LOVE YOU TOO, BUDDY.

His body language here was showing honesty, but at the same time, he said it natural.

But for Danny, it meant A LOT. Because Steve said before YOU SHOULD BE SURE TO SAY IT, BECAUSE IT CAN'T BE UNSAID.

And this scene showed us it meant more to Danny that to Steve in that moment.

The following gif set belongs to @flipse

Danny looks away, rants, makes circles about the idea he wants to express, because he feels embarrassed. But Steve, Steve is trying to recall what is Danny talking about.

Steve waits... "Come one, you are gonna make me say it?" Steve keeps waiting for him, because he already recalled what Danny is talking about.

The it comes, "I lOVE YOU."

In this moment of the season, it meant a lot to Danny, more than it meant to Steve, because Danny is the one pining for him. Steve is focused on Cath and his problems.

This entire Sun and Moon story will keep going until something huge will happen: THE LIVER TRANSPLANT.

There's a huge change attitude in Danny after 4x19, in 4x20 Danny mocks Steve (with a wink to the mcdanno shipper in their anniversary) but he mocks him about Cath, saying she wants to be away from him. Steve remains speechless for a moment, this is the old Danny there, the Danny that just perked up after a love confession, and is happy, and when Danny is happy, he flirts and plays around with Steve. After this Danny describes Steve like a black cloud that never goes away. Again using the joke to express how he feels about Steve. Their girlfriends are far away from them, but Steve is always there, by his side. Is like if Danny were saying "YOU DON'T WANT TO BE AWAY FROM ME", pointing at the previous joke he made about Cath and Steve.

Then, the I Love You comes again, freely, and comfortable.

There's another HUGE example of Danny playing around with Steve, this time trying to make him jealous, and enjoying his face with please, when he decides to bet for Lou, instead Steve.

Please go check this gifset here.

Look how Danny is deliberately trying to make Steve jealous, and he has immediately success on that.

And this face here...

Gif credit @indiguus

It says everything, Danny is so happy they're back in the game, he is enjoying Steve reaction with such a heart eyes on his boy. He loves him, deeply, and he enjoys to play around with him like this. Is definitely an attitude a lover would take just to watch a pretty mad/jealous face.

Infinitely priceless.

The season ends with Steve saying I LOVE YOU, with romantic meaning to Catherine, pointing us the love triangle, and the current unrequited love in wich Danny is pining for Steve, but at this moment, he is in order be with Catherine.

This was the I LOVE YOU season. Check this post from @five-wow , they also picked up the same analogy to show how important these three words were in season 4.

To Conclude:

Season 4 was the one in which Danny was planning ning for Steve, he even chooses him and Grace instead Gaby. He finds a new love interest, but he doubts I'm initiate something with her at first, because his feelings for Steve, which are unrequited in this season.

The story of the Sun and the Moon, two lovers separated by the day and the night, will end at the end of season 6, when Steve and Danny lives will connect again into a deeper meaning.

Hope you like my rants. See you in the next ones!

If you want to be tagged on these McDanno thoughts, just let me know.

Buenos Aires, October 17th 2020, 6:39 PM

#mcdanno #mcdanno meta #season 4 meta #h50 #h50 meta

[janeyseymour]

Escape- pt 10

pt 1. pt 2. pt 3. pt 4. pt 5. pt 6. pt 7. pt 8. pt 9.

Jane Seymour has stayed with Henry long enough. Cue Catherine of Aragon and the rest of the girls to save her.

Cath asks Jane to dinner. Jane finally begins to come to terms with the fact that the woman she loves may very well be in love with her too. Kind of a fluffy chapter.

“Margaret! Marge!” John yelled through the house.

“John, what could possibly be so important that you have to interrupt my baking?” She emerged from the kitchen.

“Oh shit! I’ll come to you.” He followed his wife into the kitchen. “I just got off the phone with Cath, and let’s just say that you’re going to be paying up any day now!” He teased in a singsong voice.

“Oh I know,” Margaret sighed, fighting the urge to grin. At this point, she was ready to lose the bet so her daughter could finally be happy with the woman of her dreams.

“Yes you wi- wait. You know?”

“Yes. I just got off the phone with Janey. She told me she thinks she’s in love with Cath, and the lord himself knows that girl worships the ground our baby walks on. I’m still not giving you any money until I’m certain though,” she stated curtly.

“Did she tell you they’re going on a date tonight?”

“She told me it was only dinner, so I’m not admitting anything just yet.” She smiled smugly.

“Dammit woman.” He rested his hands on her waist.

“Don't you even think about it.” She knew what her husband was up to. “I have a cup of flour in my hand, and you’re cleaning it up if I drop it!”

“Well worth it,” John laughed as he tickled his wife’s sides.

Jane was running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

“Jane, what are you doing?” Kat walked into the blonde’s room as she watched the woman clad in a towel throw multiple articles of clothing around.

“Kat!” Jane whipped around, eyes wide. “You’re the perfect person to ask for help!”

“Oh!” Kat became excited at the idea that she was useful. “What’s up?”

“Lina and I are going to dinner, and Anna has it in my head that this might be a date and-”

“Finally.”

“What?” Jane raised an eyebrow.

“Don’t act like you just figured out that you two totally have a thing for each other.”

“Am I the only one who hasn’t known about this?”

“Yes!” Anna called from her room.

“Yes!” Cathy called from her room.

“Yes!” Anne laughed from behind Kat.

“Oh god,” The blonde muttered to herself. “I can’t find anything to wear.”

“You’re right. I’m just the person to ask.” Kat scavenged for an outfit for less than thirty seconds before she presented a look to Jane.

“That’s a bit revealing, isn’t it?” She eyes the low-cut top being handed to her. “And a little tight maybe?”

“You wouldn’t own it if you didn’t look good in it. And besides, you’re not showing yet, you still have the figure to wear it. Might as well be sexy for as long as possible,” Anne encouraged her to put the shirt on.

“Turn around,” Jane instructed. The two listened and she quickly changed into the outfit. “How does this look?” The cousins turned around and admired Jane in the gray blouse with tight fitting jeans.

“Wowza.”

“If this doesn’t have Cath drooling, I’ll be amazed.”

“Anne!” Kat exclaimed.

“What? I’ve seen Cath practically drool over Jane when she’s wearing sweatpants and has her hair in the messiest bun.”

Katherine and Anne were helping Jane with her makeup and hair while Catherine and Cathy lounged i n the living room.

“Okay, get out of here. I’ve got this from here,” Catherine shooed her younger cousin to her bedroom.

“Don't fuck this up Aragon,” Anna teased on her way out of the house.

“Hey Jane? I left something in the car. I’ll be back in a minute, and then will you be ready?”

“Yeah! Just finishing up,” Jane called from the room Catherine had been banned from.

“Okay. I’ll be back.” The older woman walked out of the house and proceeded to her car. Slowly, she sat down in the driver’s seat to prepare herself for tonight.

“Don’t fuck this up Cath,” she said to herself through the rear view mirror. “You’ve been waiting twelve years for this.” She checked the time: 5:55. Close enough. She grabbed the flowers she picked up a few hours before and jogged to the front door. Hesitantly, she knocked and immediately found her shoes quite interesting.

The door flung open, and Jane laughed, “Did you lock yourself out or something?”

“No, I came to ‘pick you up’ like I told you I would. I know I’m like five minutes early, and I’m sorry for that, but I couldn’t wait. You look-” she took in the blonde’s appearance. “Wow.”

“Thank you,” Jane blushed.

“These are for you.” Catherine handed her a bouquet of flowers.

“Lina.” Her eyes began to well up.

“What? What’s wrong? Did I get the wrong flowers?” She began to panic. “I’m sorry. I thought these were the-”

“No, they’re perfect. You’re so sweet. You remembered my favorite flowers from like, senior year.”

“Of course I do. Come on, I’ll take you to the car.”

She was running late the one day they actually needed to get to school on time. She saw Jane run to her car and jump in holding a bottle.

“Hey Lina. I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright. What’cha got there?”

“Perfume.”

“Ah, that’s why you always smell so much better than everyone else. You actually bathe and use perfume. It all makes sense now,” Catherine joked.

“Haha, very funny. I didn’t actually put it on yet. I’m going to have to do it when we get to school I guess.”

“If you want, you can just put it on in here.”

“Really?” She looked genuinely surprised. “Henry never lets me do that.”

That’s because he’s an idiot, she thought before wisely saying, “I don't mind. It smells good anyway.”

“Thanks. I hope you don’t mind me spraying the scent of roses.”

“Your favorite flower?” She asked with a smile. Jane bobbed her head up and down.

“I’ll have to keep that in mind,” Catherine chuckled to herself.

She quickly ran ahead of Jane and opened the passenger door before helping her in.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” Jogging to the driver’s side, she asked, “You ready and buckled? Precious cargo you know!”

“Very funny. Yes I am. Let’s go! I’m starving.”

The two were enjoying their dinner when Catherine broke the silence.

“So, I have to ask you something, and I don't want you to freak out.”

“Catherine-” Jane shifted in her seat. “If this is what I heard you talking about to my dad earlier,” she continued.

“You heard that?” Catherine began to panic; “How much did you hear?”

“Not much. Just enough to know that whatever your planning was okay to tell my mother.” She averted her gaze to the meal in front of her.

“Oh.”

“Yeah. Is this a date?”

“Well, no? I mean, kind of, but I never asked you as a date. I really think we should be together, but not until you’re ready. I know you’re dealing with a lot right now, and I’ve waited for twelve years. I can wait a little while longer.”

“I love you,” Jane blurted out.

“Of course I love you too. I thought you knew that.”

“Apparently I was the only one who didn’t know. Anna kind of made me realize today that it was really. Up until a few hours ago, I thought it was all in my head.”

“It definitely isn’t, but that’s not what I wanted to talk about tonight. I wanted to ask you if I could be there for you and the baby when it arrives. I just didn’t know how to- why are you crying?”

“You’re just so sweet and so good to me, and I’m such a bitch! I eavesdropped on your conversation, and I assumed things. I have no clue why you’re putting up with me. I’m so sorry. I have to go to the bathroom and get myself together.”

“Okay, but when you get back we need to talk about this.” Jane nodded and sped away to the bathroom.

After twenty minutes, Catherine was still waiting patiently for Jane to return. It was clear the blonde needed some space, and despite her concern, she waited.

“Ma’am?” a waiter with a water pitcher approached.

“I’m okay, thank you,” she replied, assuming the man was offering her some more water.

“No ma’am. The woman that came in here with you is in the bathroom violently ill. I was told to come find you.” By the end of the waiter’s sentence, Catherine had already taken off in a sprint towards the bathroom.

“Ma’am, you really shouldn’t go in there,” an employee who was unaware who Catherine was warned.

“I’m the one she came with.” The employee stepped out of the way and allowed her to go in.

“Janey, are you okay honey?” When she heard no response, she walked in a little further, the foul smell of vomit hitting her.

“Janey,” she sighed as she found the blonde with her head in the toilet.

“I think I’m done. Can we please just go and forget this happened? I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. Come on.” Catherine scooped the woman into her arms, and the two made their way towards the main entrance of the restaurant.

“Ma’am,” an employee tried.

“I’ll be back tomorrow to pay for the food, but right now-”

“We took the liberty of boxing all the food, and it’s on the house tonight. We hope your partner feels better soon.”

“Thank you very much.” The employee secured the bags over Catherine’s wrist, and the two made their way towards the car.

“We need to talk about our situation later. We have to sort everything out before more things start to happen,” Jane mumbled.

“Of course sweetie. Anything. Front or back?”

“Front.” She allowed Catherine to lower her into the front seat before muttering, “I’m going to sleep.” The woman fell into a more peaceful state than she was in a few minutes before.

“So,” Cathy drew out from across the room after Catherine had set Jane up in their bedroom. “I guess it didn’t go too well? You guys came back pretty quickly.”

“It could’ve gone better. I found out she overheard my conversation with her dad. She did admit that she loves me, but that conversation quickly ended when she started crying and then twenty minutes later I was carrying her out because she was puking.”

“It’s something though?” the younger cousin tried.

“I guess.”

“At least she didn’t straight up reject you,” Anne quipped.

“Thank you Anne for yet another encouraging comment,” Aragon deadpanned.

“Anytime Cath. Anytime.”

“Okay but seriously, it’s about time you two got it together,” Anna added.

“Well, we’re not together yet. I told her I’ve waited twelve years, and I can wait a little longer. I know she has a lot on her plate right now, and the last thing I want to do is overwhelm her with a new relationship.”

“Did you like the outfit she was in?” Kat asked out of curiosity and also hunger to know that she had picked the right look.

Catherine swallowed awkwardly before whispering, “She looked stunning.”

“Did you drool?”

“No Boleyn. I did not drool.”

“Bullshit. I’ve seen you drool over the woman when she’s in sweatpants and looking homeless.”

“I can’t help that she just always looks beautiful.”

#six the musical #six musical #six musical fanfic #six fanfic #six the musical fanfiction #six the musical fanfic #six fanfiction #aramour

[yourdeepestfathoms]

Olly Olly Oxenfree (part one)

An fic based on the indie horror game, OXENFREE!

or: Joan and Cathy are step-sisters and fuck shit up for everyone, the AU

Also it’s super dialogue heavy I’m so sorry-

also also- Cathy has a beanie

TW: Underage drinking and one (1) weed brownie that’s vaguely mentioned

———————

Ask A Man About A Dog

“It used to be a military base! Well...it used to be a ranching thing, then it turned into a military thing, then it became a bird thing and museum and- whatever! Henry Fonda found a station here for a bit. Unless that’s wrong...”

“Who’s Henry Fonda?”

“And around Christmas time, this little breakfast place used to sell these AMAZING polar bear sugar cookies! MAN, those were good! But then they had to go and change the recipe and ruin it.... Joan, hey? Still with us?”

Joan blinked and looked up from the wine-dark waves lapping at the side of the ferry. She turned, feeling the sensation of pins and needles spreading up her arm thanks to how long she had been leaning against the guard rail, and faced the two girls standing a few feet away from her.

The first was familiar- she was around her height, pale, and had her hair done up in magnificent spacebuns that just screamed that her personality was eccentric. She was grinning like a mischievous gremlin- or maybe a raccoon, to be more realistic, however “monkey” jumped out at Joan, too.

The second was less familiar- very tall, dark skin, and her hair done in a way that would make Joan’s head hurt if she attempted it with her own. At first glances, this girl gave off a bookish appearance, but she seems more extroverted than Joan had been expecting, probably because of the beanie she was wearing (it was most likely just there because of the cold). Still, the image of an owl still remained.

“Yeah, sorry,” She finally said, learning how to speak and enunciate again. She pulled her grey coat closer around her. “My mind drifted for a second.”

Anne scanned her for a moment. Despite being outlandish and wild, she still worried over her friends when she thought something was wrong. That’s one of the many things Joan liked about her.

After the frisk with her eyes, she nodded, then wheeled around on her heels so she would be facing the other two.

“So, you’re all moved in?” She asked.

“Uh— not- not really.” The second girl answered. “I just got in this morning.”

“And how did her mum meet your mum again?” Anne continued with the questioning.

The girl laughed slightly. “They met on vacation in Scotland. She got lost in a— actually, I’m not even gonna tell this story.”

“Uhh, yes, please don’t,” Joan jumped back in. “We don’t need to relive their meet-cute anymore than we have to.”

The waves of the ocean jars the boat slightly. Joan doesn’t miss the way the dark-skinned girl clenches one hand on the guard rail. Anne, however, doesn’t even stumble as she makes her way to the deck to look out on the nearby island.

“And you guys just met tonight?” She asked.

“Yeah,” The girl swiveled around to keep Anne in her sights. “I was, umm... Out of school and the time just had never worked out, so...”

“And what does that make you, then?”

Joan and the girl exchange looks, blinking. They both turn back to Anne, whose eyebrows are raised in interest. That gremlin side of her was coming out strong.

“A, uh...” The girl uses her free hand to scratch her head. “A second cousin?”

“She’s my step-sister.” Joan said cooly. Out of the corner of her eye she sees the girl smile at her slightly.

“Oh yeah,” Anne laughed. “I forgot that was even a thing!”

Once again Joan and the girl give each other glances. Joan notes how she seems more relaxed after her step-sister statement, which makes her oddly happy.

“Well, you seem cool!” Anne began again, “Cool girl, cool hat...you get a cool new sibling living right in your house!” She smirks, “Sharing your toothbrush...wearing your clothes...”

“No, that’s-” Joan’s voice falters. She hears the girl snort into her hand. “That’s the weird part. Don’t make it weird, Anne! Getting a new sister isn’t like- like getting a puppy or something.”

“No, yeah, it’s been totally bizarre.” The girl said. “But, for the record,” She looks at Joan, “I don’t consider you to be a pet.”

Those words are left awkwardly hanging in the air before the waves seem to wash them away with another bob to the boat. The girl clenches her hand on the railing again, and uses the other to straighten her beanie, which the wind had been trying to rip right off of her head.

“So...” She started. “How did you two meet?”

“Oh, from way back when! Like, Paleozoic! Grade school era!” Anne said enthusiastically. “Young enough that I’ve seen her naked in a bathtub and it wasn’t sexual at all. I mean, we both looked like little skinned potato blobs-”

“Ahhh, Anne!!” Joan squealed. She could feel her ears flaming red. The girl at her side gave a laugh. “Why are you even talking about that?!”

“It’s humorous!” Anne giggled. Before she could go on and possibly embarrass Joan again, a voice on the ferry’s loudspeaker speaks up.

“PASSENGERS, WE WILL BE ARRIVING SOON. CHECK UNDER YOUR SEAT TO MAKE SURE YOU HAVEN’T LEFT ANY OF YOUR PERSONAL BELONGINGS.”

And, as it did so, Anne repeated the speech in a bored, stoic voice.

“How do you-?” Joan tilted her head.

“It’s a recording. They always play it.” Anne tells her before she could even finish. “Oh!” A new idea has already popped into her head. “We should get a picture! All of us!”

“Sure, why not.” Joan shrugged. “Come on, Cath.”

The girl nodded and finally pried her hand loose from the guard rail. They both walked over to Anne, who held up her phone and snapped a photo of all of them.

“There, great!” Anne beamed. “Also...it’s Catherine, right?”

“Yeah,” The girl nodded. “But just call me Cathy.”

“Cool! Oh, hey, Joan! You brought the radio, right?”

“Of course,” Joan said, then pulled a small, portable radio out of her pocket. “What’s it for, exactly?” She craned her head around to look at Cathy, “She sent me around twenty messages in all caps to bring this thing.”

Cathy laughed.

“You’ll see,” Anne said. “Trust me, it’ll be cool!”

A horn blares as the mist rolling over the ocean in its own waves of white parted so they could see an island coming up. The ferry begins to slow before coming to a halt at the docks. Anne eagerly bounced off, followed by Joan and Cathy.

“Smell the clean air, boys and girls! Err- Girls! This ain’t city livin’.” Anne said, “So, the others should be up and around the bend and...”

“Actually-” Cathy started abruptly. “I don’t mean to break us up already but- Anne, can I have a moment with Joan?”

“Uhh-” Anne blinked. “Really? I-”

“Is something wrong?” Joan looked up at Cathy- it was only then that she realized how tall the older girl really was. “What is it?”

“Nothing’s wrong, nothing’s wrong,” Cathy said, sensing her worry. “It’ll take, like, two minutes. Super fast.”

“I really don’t want to go up by myself-”

“No, I need to hear this, Anne. We’ll meet you up ahead, okay?” Joan said.

Anne’s mouth hung half open for a moment before she blinked and scratched her head.

“Umm- Alright. This is a weird way to start out...splitting up...” She said as she began walking away. Soon, she was out of sight, shrouded by the dark fog, and only the sound of the waves lapping the rocky shore was left behind.

But only for a moment.

“Listen,” Cathy started. She looked sheepish. “I just wanted to catch you ahead of time and say you’ve been...cool...about everything. And I guess just for me I’ve- you know, I’ve never moved around anywhere, and getting a new family during it all feels like I’m skipping the training wheels.” She pauses, then hurried to continue, thinking that that was a bad place to stop. “Not that it’s bad it anything! You and your mum have been great.”

“Eh, we’ll make do.” Joan said, shrugging her shoulders to try and mask her own anxiety with the whole thing. “Lemons, lemonade- however that goes.”

“An optimist.” Cathy said bitterly. “Oh, Christ.” She laughed. Joan laughs, too.

It feels nice to laugh with a sister.

“Oh, and thanks for setting up the attic for me. It’s cool how it’s like a little bedroom!”

(It feels nice to laugh with a sister again)

“That was, uhh-”

A pang of pain stabs right into Joan’s heart, wrenching it until it was mush in her chest. She glances wryly at the dark ocean water nearby and then can’t pry her eyes away. If she squints, she swore she could see a flailing figure...

“Joan?”

Cathy’s voice cut through the roaring waves in her ears.

“That was Maria’s room.” Joan whispered.

Breathe. She told herself, Like mum taught you. In five, hold three, out five... Breathe.

“There, uh-” She found her voice again. “There wasn’t that much to set up.”

Cathy’s hands, which had been on Joan’s shoulders to steady her, pulled back. They clench as she seemed to internally cringe for what she had accidentally made her new step-sister say.

“Oh. Oh, man. I’m so sorry.” She said. “I didn’t mean to bring it up.”

“It’s okay,” Joan said quickly, “You didn’t know.”

An awkward silence came between them. Instead of looking at the other, they both were scanning the island.

The only thing on the “bottom level” of the island was the docks, some cars, a bookstore, and a large tunnel that was closed off. Once the sisters decided to head back to Anne, they walked up some stone steps planted into the earth and onto the “second level”, where a stone statue of a wave and bird, an antique store, and a café stood. They passed these buildings and met up with Anne after a short hike up a small hill.

“Hello, kids!” Anne chirped, seemingly over her temporary exile. “Listen, the others should be close, so let’s hurry it up. And, as we hightail it, I’ll give you a speed-read of Edward’s Island!” She pauses, then leaned in, whispering, “That’s where we’re at.”

“I know.”

“We got that.”

“Good! Good!” Anne trotted the rest of the way up the hill. “This is a tourist trap with shops and a beach! Nobody lives here except for some geriatric named Mrs. Lee. But, with God as my witness, I will never mention her or any other old person tonight ever again! We are here to drink and be stupid.”

It seemed that their first “stupid act” was using a dumpster to jump a fence because Anne went on to tell them they were not allowed there after dark.

The three of them made their way down a mountainside path, chatting idly and getting to know each other better on Cathy’s part, before a slick, honey-laced voice chimed through the air.

“Reginald! I hear you over there!”

“H-hey, guys!” Anne smiles sheepishly, hopping down from a ledge to get down.

Two more girls now stood before them. One was significantly older than all of them. She had dark skin and curly brown hair that framed her unblemished face perfectly. The other girl was younger than Joan, with brown hair dyed pink at the tips and eyes like a kitten.

“Hey,” Joan waved slightly.

“We started a fire down at the beach.” Said the older girl. “But Kitty here wanted to play beach nanny.”

“I just wanted to make sure they got here before it was completely dark.” The younger girl said.

The older chuckled then looked over at the stranger in the group of three. “Who are you?”

“I’m Cathy.”

“That’s Cathy.” Anne said helpfully. “She’s Joan’s new, fresh-as-a-daisy step-sister! Cathy, that’s Katherine and Catherine. Confusing, right? Three girls with the same name! Except this little one goes by Kitty- she’s my cousin, actually- and the tall one goes by Catalina. Because she’s Spanish...or something.”

“Wait wait wait- Step-sister?” Catalina said. Joan just barely managed to bite back a groan of annoyance at her upcoming attitude. “How does that even work?”

“Her mum married my mum, so...law.” Joan said.

“Well, this is happening, now. This is a thing that is happening.” Catalina said, exasperated. She began walking down the path that led to the beach. “Where’s everybody else?”

“Maud had that thing and then Jane Parker-”

“We’re it.” Joan said for Anne.

“What.” Catalina momentarily swiveled her head around to analyze the whole group. Then, she gave a biting laugh. “Oh my god! It’s just Anne, Joan, and the new step-sister!”

“Yeah, we took the last ferry.” Anne said.

“Aren’t you guys friends?”

Everyone looked at Cathy. Then they exchanged scattered glances.

Catalina began leading again, marching her way down to the beach.

“I’m friends with Kitty,” She said. The younger girl gave a gleeful smile at that. “And I’m downgrading Anne to a creepy neighbor.”

“I’ll take it!” Anne said.

“And I just met you.”

“Hey!” Joan barked, “What about me?”

“What about you?”

Joan clenched her jaw, then sighed. She feels Cathy gently nudge her in a friendly way and give her a warm smile as if to say, “I’m your friend.”

Joan smiles back.

The five teenagers get down to the beach, where there was, in fact, a bonfire set up, along with some towels and a cooler. Joan hopes nobody saw the way she nervously glanced at the water.

“So... what’s the thing to do here?” Cathy asked, scanning the area.

“Whatever,” Kitty shrugged. She plops herself down by the fire and smiled at Catalina when she joined her.

“Hey, where does that old woman live?” Cathy asked another question.

“You mean Maggie Lee? She’s dead.” Catalina answered.

“What?” Anne snapped her head over to her.

“Yup. Keeled over three days ago. It was all over the news.” Catalina said. “And to answer your previous question, Cathy, the ‘thing to do’ is lay on the beach and drink until you can’t remember where your are.”

“And,” Kitty piped up, steering the topic away from very illegal underage drinking. “Sometimes play Truth or Slap!”

“Yeah!” Anne perked up. “Let’s play that! We can inaugurate Cathy. Ease her into the festivities.”

“Truth or Slap?” Joan asked stupidly, which prompts Anne to began to explain how it was like Truth or Dare except you just ask questions and get slapped if you’re lying about your answer.

“It’s a good getting to know each other game!” Anne concluded. “I’ll go first!” She turns to Joan with a smirk, “Joan!”

“Uh oh,” Cathy laughed.

“Lay it on me.” Joan smirked back.

“Okay. Kiss, Screw, Kill: Me, Kitty, and Catalina!”

“What?!” Kitty yelped.

“No!” Catalina barked.

“Calm down! Besides, I can’t include Cathy! They’re siblings!”

“Okay, okay... I’d probably marry you, Anne. I’ve known you the longest. Not a lot of surprises!” Joan said.

“Ha! Stay-at-home-wife!”

“Then I’d screw Catalina. Obviously.”

Anne laughed loudly. “‘Obviously’! Not gonna call her out on that?”

“No, I believe her.” Catalina said. “Look at me.”

“And that means you would smother poor little Kitty with a pillow,” Anne said, clutching her heart with one hand and wiping away an imaginary tear with the other.

“Oh shit- Sorry, Kit! It just worked out that way, I swear!” Joan said.

“It’s fine,” Kitty shrugged before snuggling up closer to Catalina’s side.

“So, Joan’s turn now?” Cathy asked.

“Right,” Anne nodded.

“Okay...Uhh...Kitty! Have you ever...peed in a swimming pool?”

Both Anne and Cathy erupt into laughter. Catalina snorts and shook her head, clearly not surprised. Kitty wrinkled her nose.

“Ugh, no!”

“Nice question,” Catalina snickered. “I wanna go now. Joan. You got a new sister. Pretty exciting. I’m sure Cathy is pretty excited, too. Or maybe ‘excited’ isn’t the word. Maybe a little unsure...overwhelmed...”

“No, I’m- I’m fine. I’m fine.” Cathy said.

“Yeah, see, she’s-” Joan shook her head. “What’s the question?”

Catalina took a sip of the beer she’s holding, then looked Joan directly into the eye and asked, “Why’d your mum finally decide to get married?”

Joan’s heart twisted.

“Just so Cathy can hear it from you.”

Kitty and Anne immediately began giving each other anxious looks. Cathy appears to be a little shocked until she calms her expression.

“Catalina, I don’t care why her mum-”

“You know why.” Joan said. Her eyes are dark, just like the nearby water. Just like the water on that- “Maria- died and it broke everything and she just needed someone there to try and pick up the pieces. The end.”

(Water roars in her ears- water rushes down her throat- water chokes her and holds her and consumes her until- until- until-)

(She’s screaming so loud SO LOUD WHY WON’T ANYONE HELP WHY IS SHE SLIPPING AWAY SOMEBODY HELP-)

“Well, now you know, Cathy. Don’t die and everything will be fine.” Catalina said.

Once again, there was a tense silence. Anne breaks it by saying she wanted to go check out the nearby caves, which Cathy and Joan agree to.

One quick hop over a fence (and a weed brownie eaten by Anne) later, the three of them find themselves inside of a large cave with three small rock piles set up.

“So, what you gotta do is stand right here and tune your radio until you find a ‘signal’.” Anne explained. “That’s why we brought it.”

Joan nodded and took the radio out. She began to rotate the little dial around, mainly getting plain static for a few minutes before a strange sound cut through the white noise.

Well, there was that and an ominous blue flickering from a crevice in the cave wall.

“Holy crap!” Cathy yelped.

“It worked!” Anne cried. “That was so cool! Do it again!”

Joan nodded and walked over to the next pile, tuning in her radio. Once again, the thing sputters loudly and the nearby light flashes.

“This is so cool!” Cathy exclaimed.

“I know!” Joan beamed excitedly at her.

“Do the last one, Jo!”

“I will! I will!”

And she does.

And, like the last two times, the sound returns, but this time more garbled and grating.

“Agh-” Cathy winced. She sees Joan press a hand to her ear. “It sounds so...”

“It sounds, agh-” Joan’s temples pulsate. She pulls her hand back, surprised to see no blood because she swore her eardrums ruptured. “It sounds, like...painful.”

A sound returns- however, this one was different, like a staticky moaning noise. Almost...human.

“There’s something in there.” Cathy said, walking over to the crack in the cave wall.

“Yeah, I see it, too.” Joan agreed.

“I’m gonna go check it out.” Cathy suddenly said. A moment later, she’s gone.

“Wh- That’s such a bad idea!” Anne cried.

“Cathy! Wait up!”

“WAIT UP?!” Anne looked at Joan like she was insane.

“I’ll be fine,” Joan assured her friend. “Wait here.”

With that, she slips in through the crack.

Immediately, the feeling of claustrophobia embraces her as the passageway was a lot longer than she had been expecting. She shuffles awkwardly through the tight space, feeling the cold, biting stone chafe into either sides of her. She could barely even breathe completely because the rock pressed against her chest, almost like it was trying to suffocate and trap her.

Right as she was about to panic, or maybe turn back, Joan pops out and into a large tunnel. It’s lit up by bioluminescent moss, but it’s far too bright, even with the glowing plants...

“Cathy?” She called out as she began to walk down the passageway. “Cathy, where are you?!”

No answer.

Not even an echo.

Chills ran up and down Joan’s spine. The feeling of eyes bearing down on her followed her through every twist and turn she took in that cave, but whenever she turned around, there was nobody there.

“Cathy?” Joan said again, this time more frantic. “Cathy, are you okay? Can you, like, scream or something?”

Nothing.

“Cathy?”

A shadow stretches across the jagged, rocky ground.

“Cathy!”

“AH!!”

Cathy leapt backwards as Joan just about charged her like an angry (but fuzzy) little lamb. She put a hand on her chest, reintroducing her lungs to oxygen as Joan tears strips off of her.

“What were you thinking?!” Joan barked. “I was so worried! I thought you, like- like died or something! Do you know what that would have done to me? How would I explain that to mum? Your mum- my mum- both!!”

“Okay, okay, I get it! You’re mad!” Cathy held her hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry. I just- I thought I heard something down here. A voice.”

Like that, Joan’s rage vanishes. Cathy wished she had led in with the whole voice thing.

“A voice?” Joan tilted her head like a confused puppy (or a lamb).

“Yeah.” Cathy turned and began walking further into the cave. “It was so...weird...”

Cathy’s voice trailed and died off as she and her sister ducked under an overhand and passed into a large cavern filled with huge crystals. An underground lake day in the middle, glistening in an unknown light source. The only ruddy-looking thing in that beautiful space was a rusty locker on the opposite of the shore.

“Oh my god,” Joan whispered.

“Holy- Joan,” Cathy grabbed and shook Joan’s elbow frantically. “Do you see that?!”

Joan blinked and looked up. It didn’t take long for her to realize what ‘that’ was.

A floating triangle.

A fucking floating, spinning triangle in the middle of the air.

“It- it must be some kind of...reflection...a rainbow...” Cathy was at a loss for words. “Those-those are things, right? Cave...triangle rainbows.”

“Sure,” Joan said slowly. “Let’s go with that.”

“I think this may be caused by when you ‘tuned in’ back at the beach.” Cathy said. “Maybe try it again?”

Joan glanced up at her, then nodded and took out her radio. She began to twist the dial until the triangle in the air shuddered and started to pulsate. A small, iridescent line stretched out from one of the tips.

“Oh- my god.” Cathy whispered. “Is this— are you— is this— YOU? Are you doing this?”

“Uhh- I-I think?” Joan stammered before tuning in again.

The line grew longer until it formed a second triangle. Joan felt a beating against her brain, almost like a second pulse that wasn’t hers and, by the way Cathy winced at her side, her sister felt it, too.

“I can’t even, like— what is— what?!”

“I-I know! I know!” Joan cried. She tuned in one last time and-

-and the triangle was complete.

Within the glowing shape, all there was was murky green. It was shuddering in the air, pulsating visible red vibrations.

“What the...”

“...hell...” Cathy finished for her sister.

̵̥͍̮̯̙́̈́́͆͋ ̵̧̬͓̆̈́̒͋“̶̼̈́̎̏H̵͖̓̒̅ͅę̴̥̥͇̌͊̏l̴̲̟̼̜̭͝l̸̛̜̩̖͚̜͝ő̷̞̎̓.̶̪̭͕̊̔̒ ̶̡̧̮̿D̸͓̍ȩ̵̻̰̖̲͐͋̄̈́͝å̴̲̽͝͝ͅṟ̵̟̐̀͗̽̕.̸̢̘͕͔̲̄͂͛ ̶͚̥͉̤̊̎̌͑͠T̶̪̏ê̶̢̯̩̻l̶̛̉̎͜ĺ̶͈̻̯̱̓̈́̕̚ ̴͎͍̆̀̐̍̀è̸̛̥̀̈́̈́v̶̩̯̯͠e̷̮͌̕͜r̷̤̍̉͝y̵̠̰̙͔̏ọ̵̠̠͗ͅn̶̢̯̥̎͜e̶̻̘̰̯̳̾̌́͝ ̸̛̘̪̬̤ȟ̴̨̢͎̺͆e̸̢̺̹͆̎ͅl̷̢̜͝ĺ̵̞͖̬͙̃͆̋͜͝ö̸̬́̊̄.̴͓̱̝͚̗̔̀”̶̰̝̠͓͋̂̐ Spoke an unknown garbled voice. It sounded as if snippets from radio programs were ripped out of their channels and used to form the words. There were tons of people talking at once, tons of voices. And, when it- they- speak, the pounding in Joan’s brain beat in time with each word.

“H-hello?” Joan said. She glances anxiously at Cathy, who is stunned into silence.

̵̨̠͍̄͛ ̶̱͆̀̾͂̂“̵͕̃͝S̴̟̰̊͌̕͜l̶̥̬̃̿ë̷͇́̏̈́̇́e̷͍͎͚̎p̷͕̼̠͂̾̀̑ȳ̸̦́ ̶̩̔͋̃t̵̬̞͉͍͆̐̓͘ĭ̶̢͓͇̇̉̎͝ṃ̴̡͕̔̏̎̑͜͝ḛ̵̙͉̘̿̃̀͊̓ ̴̢̫͈̟̓̒͠ͅg̵̣͂̿ͅą̵̞̙̺̈́̇̿l̴̥̰͇̠̇̃.̸͔̏ ̸̟̗̺̋͛́̑̕E̶͙̙̫̠̮̾̄v̷̗̯̯͙́͒͛͛̑ē̵̢̧͉̻͌͝ȑ̸̨̖͜ỵ̷͕̳̮͒́͊̑̔t̵̬̩̭̤͖̓̍̍͋h̷̙̤̼͑̾͜ï̸̻͇͊͜n̵͎̈́g̸̢̤̻̝̕͜ ̵̡̛̼͉̒͝f̶̙̌͠i̷̯͂n̷̗̪͆e̷̩̪̫̺̒̿̔ͅ.̴̗͒́͜ ̵̨̛̟̻̄̓͝͠H̷̢̳̪̣̓̋ő̷̧p̴̧͕͕̗̯̂e̷̘̬̯̿̀͗ ̸̲͍̟̞̱̈́̌͊͝t̷̫͆̈́͆̓̆h̶̩͎̠̜̎̐͝i̶̠̳͒͗̔̽ǹ̸̹̻̣͍̀̽̚g̵̯͇̗̋s̷̢̡̞̖̾̀̕ ̴̳̲̾͋̏a̸̡̼͍̓̑r̶̫̪̮͖̾̍͋̂̇e̶͖̯͖̹̓̌́ͅ ̵̭̪͔̬̟͐͌̒̈̕s̶̭͇̞̬͐͑͂a̶̖͎̣̓̆͆̽͠m̸̫̙̺̈́ḙ̵̢̥͖̓͂͐̀̚͜.̸̢͓̖̓̋͊ ̴̭̞͓̺̱̔̾͒̾D̴̳͚̅͊́͒ŏ̵͖̫̥͚́̐͆n̵̢͔̭̬̂’̴͇̼̔͑t̶̫͑ ̴̛̹̹ḱ̵̡͎̄n̴͖̓̔͝ő̷̺͓̬̺͌̍w̸̡̥̖̼͋̽̌ ̸̱͓̞̀̈́͌͗̚ḯ̵̫̫̘f̸̡̫̝̖͊̈ ̸̗̠͉̖̹͊̎͝ļ̵̱͗̃͐͆͘e̴̡̡̲̬̙̓̄̑͝ȃ̷͓̜̈ͅv̷̡̠͇̠̀e̴̯̯̞̜̖̕ ̴̢̬̮͂̐̈́͘̚i̷̩̰͇̐̌͒s̴̬̥̫̤̒ ̸̘̝̬͑͜p̸̦̺̕ọ̶̟͕̞̱̈͠s̵̢͙̩͈̩͒̕s̵̼̍̈́̑͘i̴͚̠̖̯͗̓͝b̵͔̰̆͝l̷̨͍̝̻̍́͑̊͗ȩ̶̞̻͗́͋͘.̶̡͕͚̱̭̌͝”̷̩̳̼͍̓̀͠͠ Said the voices.

“This...is insane.” Cathy breathed out. Her hand takes Joan’s and squeezes it tightly, reassuringly.

̴̫̲̦̬̐̓̍̕ ̴͎̓̏̀̄͝“̵̝̬̝͖̩͊̂L̴̠͚̐̑̅̿͝ī̶͇̦͌͑s̷̤͈̩̈́͗̇̇̽t̷̨̺̰̄̌̇͘ͅe̵͙͊̃n̶̟̝͙̎̋̒̾̈́.̴̯̝̋̈̍͝ ̸̨̦͍̰͇̅̽B̵̗͙̝͋̍͜ò̶̙̺͙b̴͚̯̻̄͊̔͠ ̷̙̫̲̣̙̈́̑͊̚͝t̸̞̬̜̰̉̐͝ä̴̝̥̗́̎i̸̡̔̎l̷̝͇̳̩̮̓.̶͙̭͓̏́ ̷̻̣͓̽̓̋͒S̶̖͂̄h̵͕̘͗ă̴̗̱̤͙͙̆̒͝v̴͙͓͉̗̎͊ͅė̷̟̪̦ ̵̻̙̱̠̿̈́̈́t̵͗��̱̥́͘͜ã̴̼̰͚̞̕͝ȋ̴̲̝̘͖̟̉͌̀ľ̷̪̜͕̜͍̈́̐͋͠.̴̢͎̼͛̓͜͠ ̵̛̘̉̅͠Ṩ̷̝̉̍l̵̝̘̞̼͛͌̈́͊ẹ̵̐̂̍͆͗e̵̥̔̅̏̓́͜p̶͈̜͈͍̂̌͜y̸̟̖͔̣̕ ̸͎͙̖̞͗̈̍̚t̸̗̤̻̏ỉ̴͔̅̇m̷̨͖̠̍ͅḛ̵̛ͅ ̸̡̱̰̲͕̋̉̾̾g̷͈̀͠a̴̛̛̠̒l̵͖̹̅̌͝.̴͉̥̫͖͆͑̅͜”̷͉͑̉͆͠ ̵̞̦̥̄̓͂̀ Said the voices. “̴̢̰̗̯̎́̀̔͒͜Ỉ̶͙͔̖̃ś̶̖̫̣̥̿̔̎.̵̲͊̽͝ ̷̻̭̯̬͍͐̕͘L̷̮̜͖̯̀é̸̬̬̓͗ͅå̶̖͔̈v̷̳̖͖̈́e̸̖̪̿̏͝.̴͎͍̫̪̿ͅ ̵̢͔̥̗̥̀̀̊̽͝P̷̖̞͐ọ̶̏̾̕s̶̖͒͒̍̆š̵̝̭͓̌̏i̵̖͂b̴̛̜͂̀͝l̸̖̑͑͋͛e̵͓͓͑͑̐.̶̥̟̦̳̆̓͠”̶̱̇͊̍

Joan swallowed thickly. She could taste blood on her tongue. Her brain is being turned to mush inside of her head.

“Umm...” She looks at Cathy unsurely. Her sister is pale and visibly in pain. There’s a thin line of blood trickling out of her right ear. “M-maybe?”

̶̳̠̮̦͈̏̃͝ ̵̧̤̠̥̳̽̾̇̚“̴̘̽̏̆B̶̧̗̹̤̻̏̕o̶͖͈̟͗̊̂͐b̵͉̙̝̯̜̾͆̈́ ̶̢̈́͊͘ẗ̸͚́a̶̮͋i̸̥͐͒̅̀̈l̵̞̓̄̕ͅ.̴̟̻̯̤̘́̌ ̸̥̱̉L̶̨̻̗͐͒e̷̜͔̎͒̂̅́á̵̩̤v̸͎͍̮̟͍̒̄̓è̷̼̜̓͐ ̵̡͆́͝c̸̻̹̺̬͐̀̑͋̓h̶̟̤̊̋i̸͙̲͎̞͒̈́̈́l̴͕̞̗̦̍d̴͓̹̿̽̑̕͠r̸̦̍͠ȇ̷͇ṉ̵̨̬͇̽͆͝.̴̣̩̯͇̦̏̔̅ ̴̪̖͓̖̿͊̚M̸̱͛͐͘ý̶̢̛̙̳͍̑̍͘ ̴̯̣̄͌m̷̖̟̜̬̺͌̄͆͌͘õ̴̰̜̹͌̈́͜t̷͎̾͊̇h̶̗̗̬̅̿̉͗͐ę̸̳̤̞͎͝r̶̞̝̲̩̤̽ŝ̸̞.̷̨̩̻͇̤̌ ̸̨̣͔͕͙̂̒W̸̱̤̮̹̜̉̈́̃͝ȋ̵̺̪̽l̶͔̞͈̺̐̐̉̿l̴̤̭̈́̒͐͌͝ ̸̡̤̉̿s̷̹̘͆̈́́̂͝e̴̢͇̹̭̭͑e̷̘͓͛̑͝ ̶̀́̚͜t̷̗͔̔͛̂̈́̚h̶̼̖͌̍è̵̲̲̞̼͖̀̓͝m̴̗̣͗́̄̕͜ͅ ̸̣̞͎̑̏s̷̻͐̈́̕ỏ̴̜͚͔o̸̪̜̓͋͋̕n̸̢̲̖͙͚̊̿͝.̷̮̈͂”̵͙̘̝͎̤̉̿͐͝ ̶̪͙̟͖͐̋̉̆̆

The ground began to shake. The triangle shudders harder. Cracks shoot through all the crystals and they crack and break into razor sharp shards. The pulse in Joan’s head turned into roaring, painful white noise.

“JOAN!!” Cathy shrieks.

A force seems to be ripping them apart.

“CATHY!!”

Her vision distorts. The feeling of phantom water rushes down through her eye sockets- she’s underwater.

Joan is underwater.

And down with her is debris.

Debris falling at an agonizingly slow rate.

She screams.

Bubbles explode from her lips.

A chunk of metal falls down, down, down.

The spray of bubbles turn red.

As Joan is cut in two by the debris.

She just barely feels it slice into her belly when-

“̷̝̋̈́Ḃ̷̩̒͋̍ō̵̱̖͔͙̄̓̊̅b̸̡̤̀̈́ ̵̪͕̮̌̏̈́͛̃t̵̰̪̬͕̹̕ȁ̷̘̌͆į̴͚̹̿̕l̵̡̗̬͈̗̎͑̿͐̚.̶̧̉͗̅̏ ̷̠̋͝S̸̢̗͙̞̔̈́h̴̙͉̥͚̑̊̾͝a̵̺̖̼̲̲͊̀̈́v̷̫̲̖͙̓e̸̼͑͂͐̑͌ ̵͔̬̑ť̵̛̖͘a̶̡̫̭͌͋̿͐͘ḭ̶͕̀̔͒l̴̡̩̮̲̩̑.̴̨̛͍͙́̀”̵̭̤͍̠̄́̐

-all goes black.

#oop #ollie ollie oxenfree #catherine parr #joan on the keys #anne boleyn #catherine of aragon #katherine howard #maggie lee #maggie on the guitar #six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #six the musical fanfic

[catherinestark-hphm]

Heyy Talbott and Lith please and thank you

ohhhh BOY HERE WE GO!! 

Talbott Winger

First impression:

omg he’s a vampire. so mysterious?

Impression now:

I would defend and will love with all my heart. Catherine’s true soul mate in her universe and a sweet boy with a troubled past. Also, a character I can relate a lot since I’m introverted and when I was at school I had “places” where I liked to hang out and be alone. One of my favorite characters in the game and will never stop squealing whenever I see him because unfortunately, Jam City doesn’t use him enough. 

Favorite moment:

This, Right fucking here. THEY ARE STARGAZING AND IT ALWAYS MAKES ME SOFT. Stargazing is one of my favorite things to do to pass time. They briefly kissed afterwards--away from anyone’s eyes. 

Idea for a story:

Where do I begin???

- Peter Pan AU

- Pirates AU

Their first big fight that led them to almost break up. 

Unpopular opinion:

Talbott Winger deserves more attention in the game and from Jam City. They made him as a choice for MC to date but they keeping shoving Penny (not that I dislike Penny) down our throats. I want more side quests with him!!

Favorite relationship:

pfff Catherine ofc. 

Although I’d like to see him interact more with other characters!! Penny claims to be his friend, show us them being friends! 

Favorite headcanon:

(mine) Talbott, after witnessing Catherine having a panic attack, learns how to calm someone down from it. Since then, whenever Catherine gives him ‘the look’ he knows where to meet her for her to vent and he does his best to comfort her---she eventually opens up more to her circle of friends, but Talbott is the only one that truly knows how bad her anxiety and panic attacks were. 

Another one: When they get married, Catherine’s dress looks like this:

which obviously is made of swan feathers, symbolizing his mother’s presence at the wedding. 

And since I’m clowning, when his first daughter is born, Talbott and Catherine both give the baby a necklace with both of their feathers---and they continue doing it for the rest of their children and so they begin a new tradition that would last even when they are long gone and almost forgotten by their descendants--to because almost everyone in the Winger family ends up with a bird Animagus. 

Lith Thorne

First impression:

Oh!! She looks so much like Cath and her art is so good? FOLLOW! 

(omg we’re both clowning together over headcanons now this is great)

Impression now:

CATHERINE’S FRIEND. SHE IS CATHERINE’S SISTER. SILVER COVEN SISTERS. SISTERS!!!! SHUT UP!!!!!!

Lith is so amazing!! Her personality and relationship with Talbott makes me awed and that fact that she can be a whole ass mood? Wow. I can also imagine her being a good example to Catherine ajsajd

Favorite moment:

tbh... when the silver coven was born? I think that’s when our friendship went from:

You: Hi! How are you? :)

Me: Fine, hbu? :))

to:

You: AKSKFJSKKA THEY SHOULD HAVE A COVEN!

Me: KSKDLFLDLSA WE CAN CALL IT SILVER COVEN BECAUSE ALL OF THEM ARE SILVER HEAD!

Idea for a story:

Monster AU needs to be explored!!!! *bangs fists on desk* I LOVE IT. 

Also, I have a little idea for The Silver Coven as well!!

Unpopular opinion:

None whatsoever. Lith is so perfect!

Favorite relationship:

Lith and Talbott!! Honestly, they make me soft,,,, 

Favorite headcanon:

Okay so, for the silver coven au:

Lith, Cath, and Summer are triplets and with no memories of their past. They just end up in an orphanage in a small town--until one by one, after their 16th birthday, they begin finding out that they are not quite normal after all.

They descend from a coven that was once filled with powerful witches--one that thought to be gone after they witches in it got hunted and killed. But a witch--silver-head--managed to escape with her three babies and drop them off in a boring town where no one would suspect magic to be real. 

And a good thing too, because as soon as they found out about their magic---an evil force awakens, feeling it and starving for it. :))

#talbott winger #lith thorne #ask

[renee-writer]

One Step Into the Future Chapter 9 The Hospital

“Are you ready?” He is dressed on his uniform with his curls slicked back and partially hid under his hat. She is in scrubs.

“Aye, are ye?”

“Yes. I have been awaiting this day for years. Let's go.” She is starting in the A&E, the place to see a bit of everything. By luck and a bit of behind the scenes maneuvering, Jamie is assigned the same. They will start out working in the same department.

She walks in and joins the group of her fellow residents. They all look terrified as they face Dr. McCarthy. Jamie's post is a desk in the waiting room. He takes a seat there and can’t help watching her.

“Dr. Beauchamp, you and Dr. Grant will be working here, in the A&E assisting Dr. Duncan. Everyone else follow me. Drs. Beauchamp and Grant, I will be back to check on you.”

Claire is amazed. She had heard Dr. McCarthy was an easy supervisor but, never expected this. Dr. Grant, a tiny little blond woman, looks to her. Okay then.

“Dr. Duncan, how can we help you?” To be working under Geillis, who she has know since her first year in upper school, is a dream.

“Dr. Beauchamp. Dr Grant, nice to have you both. Dr. Grant get a history on curtain one. Dr. Beauchamp, come with me.”

She leads her to curtain 3 and Jamie can no longer see her. He sighs and focuses on his job. It isna hard. He is tae watch, tae make sure all who enter are safe for the others and the healers behind the doors( where Claire is). To direct people tae the various areas. To come if called. He scans the crowd. Everyone seems tae sick tae misbehave. He feels a deep sympathy for them.

“Dr. Beauchamp meet Mrs. Mackenzie. She is having some chest pain. Ekg shows a blockage. She is scheduled for the cath lab. Would you explain to her what is going on.” It is a major thing to be trusted with and she gives Geillis a grateful look. She takes the old ladies hand and gently explains what they will be doing.

“The stents will require you to be on blood thinners. There will be certain foods you won't be able to eat, but it will keep your heart beating they way it should.”

“Aye lass. That is fine. I want a few more years with my Alex. Our 50th anniversary is in a year.”

“How extraordinary.”

“A wonderful thing. Is there someone special in your life, my dear?” She pats her hand.

“Well maybe.”

“Maybe..?”

“Mrs. Mackenzie, I am afraid Dr. Beauchamp has to see another patient.”

“Of course. Lass, if he is a maybe that makes ye blush, turn him into a definitely. Trust me.”

“Are ye the security guard?” the woman is a tiny thing, with a dirty face and hands holding a bairn.

“Aye lass. How can I help ye?”

“Take him. I can't take care of him.” She places the bundle in his arms. The baitn is just a newborn. He looks up at the mam in shock. They hadn't covered this in training.

“Lass?”

“This is a safe space. His name is Joshua.” And she is gone. She left the bag that contained his nappies. He looks down at the little boy with the black hair and blue eyes.

“Hello Joshua. Now what?”

“What was that?” Geillis demands. She has dragged her to the doctor's lounge. “Maybe? The only man in yer like is Jamie. And yer.. Wait what?” She had watched her friends face.

“We slept together yesterday.”

“What! Ye mean.”

“Yes. Three times. Twice on the couch and once in bed. In the middle of the night he..”

“Holy hell! Wow girl. How was he?”

“He loves me and I think I love him.” Geillis stares mouth ajar. What every she was thinking of saying is interrupted by Claire’s phone. She looks down. “Jamie.”

“Claire. I ken I nae tae be calling but I dinna ken what tae do with the bairn.”

“What bairn?”

“Joshua. His mam just handed him to me and left. Said she couldn’t see tae him. He is a wee thing.”

“I am on the way.”

#my writing #modern au #one step in the future #the hospital #outlander fanfic

[winterisakiller]

Get Better - Chapter Three

Title: Get Better

Chapter: 3/18

Character: Tom Hiddleston/Cath Richardson (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Love. Companionship. Family. These are all of the things Tom Hiddleston desperately wanted. But his life and his choices left that a distant and unlikely prospect. So he did his best to move on and live his life as is. When an opportunity to return to the theater arises, he jumps at the chance and along the way finds that maybe, just maybe, those distant and unlikely prospects are closer than he could have imagined. Sequel to Brave Face.

Authors Notes/Warnings: So as I was writing Brave Face I knew that Tom’s story wasn’t over, even if that particular part of it was. And while I knew, more or less, what the overall ending to the story would be, its taken me a while to figure out the time in between. Thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for letting me continually throw ideas off and at you. I still can’t fathom why you put up with it, but I am eternally grateful you do. This story will update on Thursdays.

Tag list: @tinchentitri @theheartofpenelope @noplacelikehome77 @nonsensicalobsessions @blacksuitofdoom @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @just-the-hiddles @theoneanna @wolfsmom1

Previous Chapter

CHAPTER THREE

 A sharp wind whipped down the florescent lit tunnel, sending a sudden shiver down his spine. Tom pulled the blanket he’d been handed tighter around him, stifling a yawn. It had been an early morning and despite several cups of coffee, with more espresso shots than he’d care to admit to, he still felt the pull of sleep dragging on him. The excitement, however, was winning by leaps and bounds. He had been intrigued when the idea was pitched to him, of making a teaser for Betrayal and posting it as-is before formally announcing the show the following day. It was a creative and fun way of drawing attention to the production and getting buzz going around it.

 The teaser’s premise was simple, Tom would come into focus walking down the aforementioned tunnel, something out of the camera’s range would catch his eye, and the viewer would watch his reaction unfold. Watch the shock, pain, anger, and finally defeat play across his features. No dialogue, no real explanation; just him and music. Beautiful in its simplicity.

 He stood to the side, watching as the days’ crew reset the shot and fiddled with the lighting. It was their third, and hopefully last, take; the lighting have gone a touch fuzzy during the last set up. It was a bustle of controlled chaos and something he’d always found fascinating. The way in which the crew flittered around each other was almost an elaborate dance.

 “Alright, places everyone!”  The director called once things had been set to rights. Tom nodded, took a deep breath and stepped onto his mark.  

 The rest of the shoot passed with little issue. The fourth take had been the one Tom was certain he’d nailed. He’d watched the final footage with the director and found himself pleased with the initial result. The days’ footage, Tom was told, would be edited that evening and should be ready to go up the day after. With a warm smile, Tom bid farewell and headed out into the bustle of the now busy streets.

 He’d taken the tube that morning, enjoying being able to sit and people watch. It helped keep him grounded, just doing the everyday tasks that so many seemed to take for granted. He could usually take the tube with little fuss or fanfare. That was one of the wonderful things about London, very few people seemed to care who or what he was. True, there would be the occasional fan who would approach him or the rare ‘sneaky’ photograph (which he never really understood the point of) but for the most part he was left to his own devices.

 He’d fired off a quick text to Luke before he’d entered the station, letting him know all had gone well and that he was off home. Luke responded quickly, reminding him that his phone meeting with Marvel regarding updates for the Loki limited series had been pushed back until following afternoon. Which meant for the time being, Tom had the rest of the day to himself and he was greatly looking forward to the lack of demand. He made his way through the ticket barrier and followed commuters down the escalators and onto the platform. The train rumbled into the station a few minutes later and he joined the mass of people making their way into various carriages.

 Tom quickly settled into the first available seat, letting his mind wander as he watched the eclectic mix of people filling the carriage. It was something he’d always enjoyed about the city; the mix of cultures and people that had always made it uniquely London. The carriage was busy but not packed, it was still early enough in the day that most commuters were still at work. Tom enjoyed the relative peace as the carriage jostled along, silently counting the stops until his own.

 He made his way from the train onto the platform once the train had pulled into his station. A flash of dark hair and a familiar laugh caught his attention as he made his way through the busy station to the ticketing barrier. Tom turned his head in reflex and a jolt of recognition shot through him. Cath. The name materialized in his head without conscious thought. But she was gone before he could make a move, disappeared into the crowd heading towards the platforms.

 Tom shook himself back into the present and carried on through the gate and then out onto the street. It was just as well she’d gone, he reasoned, pulling his coat tighter around himself as a swift breeze raced down the pavements. He didn’t actually know her, had no reason to approach her other than his own, admittedly overabundant, curiosity.  And that had often caused more trouble than it was worth.

 Silently, he carried on down the pavements and back towards home. Bobby, none too pleased with being shut in the back room in his crate, barked repeatedly as Tom unlocked and pushed open the front door. “Alright, alright,” he called. “I’m coming.”

 He shrugged out of his woolen coat, hanging it on the rack near the door, and jogged through the house towards the back room. Bobby, finally free of his confinement, let his displeasure be known with several more loud and growly barks. Tom rolled his eyes and let the spaniel out through the door into the back garden to do his business and terrorize the local wildlife.

 The following day’s teaser release and subsequent play announcement were well received, which had been a major relief. The response on social media had been overwhelmingly positive and Tom was more than pleased. Zawe had begun talks to secure her involvement in the show and from what Tom had been able to gather, Charlie Cox was in talks to join as well. Nothing had been set in stone and probably wouldn’t until closer to the New Year, but Tom couldn’t have been happier. He’d known Charlie for years and was glad to at least have the chance of potentially working with him.

 His phone had been ringing off and on throughout the day following the official announcement; friends and family sharing their well wishes and excitement. His mother had been particularly thrilled as she could talk more openly about the play now that had it been announced publically. His mother and her enthusiasm had become the stuff of legend in and around Suffolk.

 “So someone actually took pity on you and hired your sorry face. I must send them flowers…and my condolences as well,” Benedict laughed. His call had come just after Tom had finished an impromptu afternoon run. He was in desperate need of a shower but hadn’t the heart to tell his friend to buzz off.

 “Well,” Tom quipped back. “If they actually hire you on occasion, I figured I would be a shoe-in this time round. And,” he added as an afterthought, “there is a much better chance they can actually pronounce my name.” Ben snorted laughter at the comment which pulled Tom into a laughing fit of his own. “But in all seriousness,” Tom continued once he’d managed to calm himself, “I am ridiculously excited to be able to be doing this. It’s going to be a challenging role and I am looking forward to it.”

 “So who are you playing? Robert or Jerry?”

 “Robert.”

 Ben laughed in delight. “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. And they’ve cast Emma and Jerry?”

 “Not officially no,” Tom answered, laughing as well.

 “Unofficially?” Ben goaded.

 “Zawe Ashton and Charlie Cox, pending availability.”

 “Very nice indeed, Mr. Hiddleston. You’re moving up in the world.” He paused, taking a breath. “Hopefully Sophie and I will be able to make it during the run.”

 “Don’t feel obligated,” Tom admonished. “I know things are going to be a bit mad with the little one coming.” He had been beyond thrilled, and quietly jealous, when Ben had told him that he and Sophie were expecting again. The baby was due in late January and Tom was well aware that their lives would be chaotic for a least the first few months while their family settled into its new routine. The play would be the absolute least of their priorities. “If you make it, that will be amazing but don’t feel like you must. Honestly.”

 Ben laughed. “I have a feeling that by the time your show opens we’ll both be ready for a break and grown up company.”

 Tom laughed as well. “I can only imagine.”

 A loud scream echoed from Ben’s side of the line. “I’m terribly sorry to cut this short but I need to make sure my sons aren’t killing one another. Sophie will be awfully cross if any damage comes to them in my care.”

 “Yes. Yes. Go on, take care of your offspring. Talk to you later.” Tom ended the call and stretched his back, it having started to get a bit stiff. He really needed to make sure he stretched pre and post run now. God, I’m getting old, he thought with a grimace. Tom toed out of his running shoes and took the stairs two at a time, more eager than ever for a hot shower.

 —

 The rest of November passed in a blur of various appointments and meetings cumulating in an appearance at Tokyo Comic Con. Tom always thoroughly enjoyed being able to attend Asian events, especially fan ones. The welcome he received was always warm and the fan base vocal and tremendously supportive. It made the long flight and horrendous jetlag worth it. And this time had been no exception. He’d thoroughly enjoyed talking with fans and participating in numerous panels. But he had to admit, he was grateful to be going home. He’d joked with Luke about the real possibility of him sleeping for at least a week on the way to the airport.

 “Good,” Luke deadpanned back. “Please do. Less chance of you causing me headache.”

 The flight home had been a long one, with just enough layover to make his usual jetlag feel a hundred times worse. He’d practically fallen into the car awaiting him at Heathrow and slept all the way home. It certainly wouldn’t do his re-acclimation to British Standard Time any good, but he’d been far too tired to care. How he’d made his way from the car and into the house, he still didn’t know. Nor how he’d fumbled his way from the entry way, up the stairs and into his bedroom. He’d woken late the following afternoon still in his clothes and momentarily unaware of just where he was.

 Tom blinked around the room several times before the familiar shapes of his dresser and the door to the ensuite came into focus. Home. He pushed himself upright, a jaw cracking yawn escaping him. He was still tired, still a bit fuzzy-headed, but now that he was conscious he could sense the grime of several hours confined in a small space with far too many people all over him. With a fair amount of effort, he pulled himself to his feet and padded into the bathroom, stripping as he went.

 Freshly showered and feeling much more like himself, Tom climbed downstairs nearly twenty minutes later and set about fixing both coffee and food. Plate of egg and toast in one hand and a steaming mug of coffee doctored to his liking in the other, Tom padded into the living room and settled himself on the couch. He let himself revel, selfishly, in the silence of the house.

 Bobby was still at Emma’s; she and her husband had volunteered to watch the little devil while he’d been out of the country. Why they’d agreed, Tom still wasn’t entirely sure. And while he’d missed the little bugger, it was nice to be able to eat a meal without having to face those large, pleading eyes. He’d never been able to completely resist them, and he knew Bobby knew.

 Tom took his time eating, he had nowhere in particular he needed to be and fully intended to laze about for as long as possible. He pondered actually taking on his ever-growing ‘to-be-read’ pile. It had been ages since he’d allowed himself the luxury of just sitting and reading a book. Yes, he still read as often as was possible, but it was usually during filming breaks when he wasn’t going over lines or blocking or a few moments before falling asleep. Actually sitting about and just reading, that was a true rarity. Possibilities.

 Once he’d finished the last of his meal and drained the very last of his coffee, Tom pushed himself to his feet and padded to the kitchen. He contemplated simply leaving his used plate and mug in the sink for later, after all it wasn’t as if he won’t have the time later. But the impulse was quickly abated; his mother would box his ears, metaphorically speaking, for doing such a thing even now. He shook his head and laughed at himself, washing and drying them quickly before heading out of the kitchen and into the main hall.

 As Tom made his way down the hall his suitcase and backpack, left carelessly by the door the night before, caught his eye and he groaned. He should take his clothing out and get a load of washing started, knowing if he put it off it wouldn’t get done. With a muffled curse, he lugged the case towards the laundry room, setting it on the floor and sorting through his clothing. He’d gotten a load in the wash and started the sorting of the next when the sharp ring of his mobile echoed from the front of the house.

 Tom sighed and padded back into the hall, finding this mobile vibrating and ringing away on the table; Emma’s number flashing across the screen. He had to have pulled it from his pocket by reflex the night before as tended to keep in beside him the majority of the time unless he purposefully needed a break from the outside world.

 “Yes, little sister?” he said as way of greeting after he’d grabbed the offending object and slid his finger across the screen to accept the call.

 Emma snorted a laugh. “He lives! I was wondering if you’d be conscious and functional yet or not.”

 “I do live, the conscious and functional part is debatable. Now what can I do for you?”

 A loud, piercing cry echoed through the line and Emma sighed, wearily. “Take my child off my hands for the next…I don’t know…Eighteen or so years?”

 “Somehow I think Jack might have a few objections to that idea.” Tom chuckled, padding back into the living room and dropping onto the couch.

 “He’ll live,” Emma grumbled. “I’ve got to dash. Just give us a call when you’re ready to swing by for Bobby. And if you want to take Allie with you, feel free.”

 “I think I’m good. One adorable yet demanding creature is more than enough for me at this juncture,” he reasoned adding, “And Bobby doesn’t scream” as an afterthought.

 “Oh ha bloody ha. See if I agree to help you with anything in future….Allie no, put that down…Alice Marie…Sorry, Tom, I’ve got to go.” The line clicked and Tom let his phone drop beside him on the couch. He scrubbed his face with his hands before standing and heading back into the laundry room. He’d finish sorting his laundry and then call her back, letting her know he was on the way.

 The drive across town wasn’t nearly as bad as he’d feared it would be; London traffic being what it was. He pulled his car to a stop in the drive leading to the house forty minutes later, almost reluctant to turn the engine off and lose the heating.  Emma had the door open, his niece on her hip, before he’d climbed out of the car.

 “She’s calmed I see,” he called, reaching out to take the little girl from her mother’s arms. She smiled in delight and clung to her uncle, babbling excitedly. “Hello there, angel.” He kissed the top of her head before returning his attention to his sister. “And how has my boy been?”

 Emma laughed and shook her head, ushering Tom inside. “He’s been his usual self. Luckily he hasn’t dug up the back garden…again. Only because it’s been so bloody cold.”

 Tom threw back his head and laughed. “Well thank goodness for small miracles.”  The aforementioned spaniel, upon hearing his master’s voice, came sprinting out into the hallway, barking. Alice let out a squeal, clapping her hands together and reaching for the excited dog jumping at her uncle’s feet. Tom bent down and gave Bobby an affectionate scratch behind the ears. Alice reached out and grabbed at Bobby’s ears. “No, sweetie. We need to be gentle with the doggy.” He demonstrated by petting Bobby softly on the head. Alice mimicked his motions and Bobby tossed his head up, licking her face. She squealed in delight and wriggled out of Tom’s arms.

 Behind him, Tom could hear Emma laughing. “You are a natural, you know?” He turned around, blinking at her in puzzlement. “With kids,” she continued, “have been for years.”

 He shrugged, turning his attention back towards his niece and his dog to ensure neither was misbehaving. Alice was contentedly patting Bobby on the head and babbling at him. “So are lots of people.”

 “I’m just saying…You are great as Uncle Tommy and I think you’d made quite a good father in your own right.”

 “Em.”

 “I know you want that, Tom. It’s plain as day to anyone who knows you,” she pressed, giving him a knowing look.

 “Of course I want that, Em. I just…Sometimes we can’t get what we want.” He let out a resigned sigh. “Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want and we’ve no one to blame but ourselves. I’ve come to terms with it.”

 Emma folded her arms over chest, “You and I both know that’s a boldfaced lie.”

 Tom pushed himself to his feet, turning to face his sister, frustration clear in his eyes. “Just let it go, Em. Seriously.” His tone brooked no argument. “Do you have the rest of his things gathered or do I need to go into the back and fetch them?”

 “Tom…” It was clear though that Tom was no longer willing to entertain the conversation at hand. “All his stuff is gathered in the back room.” He gave her a nod and headed down the hallway towards the room in question. Alice who had until that point been contentedly patting Bobby on the head, raised her attention to her mother and inquired, in her own fashion, after her missing uncle. Her mother sighed, “Uncle Tommy’s gone to get Bobby’s things then they are going bye-byes. But we’ll see them again soon.”

 Alice pouted at this, “No bye-byes!”

 “It’s alright Allie,” Tom spoke, dropping the bundle of Bobby’s things carefully by the door and settling on his knees beside her. “Bobby and I will come back soon. But I think right now mummy and daddy want a little time with just you.” Alice sniffled and grabbed at Tom who pulled the toddler into his arms. “I know, I know.” He kissed her head, and standing, handed the girl to her mother. “You be good for your mummy and daddy okay?”

 Emma looked at him over the head of her still sniffling daughter. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed.

 Tom nodded and mouthed, “It’s alright.” Picking up the bundle once more, Tom leant down and hooked Bobby’s lead to his collar. “Come on, boy.” He pushed open the front door and led them out into the dark and cold December evening. Bobby had hopped into the backseat of the car willingly enough but throughout the drive home insisted on sticking his nose further and further between the two front seats, nudging at his master’s arm.

 “You, my lad, are a menace,” Tom laughed as he pulled back onto the main road and into traffic. The drive home took twice as long as the initial trip. Tom hadn’t been surprised; London traffic was a nightmare, regardless of the time of day. As they sat, Tom’s mind wandered back to Emma’s earlier words. She’d meant well and he’d known it. And he’d hated being so short with her. But they’d had the conversation far too many times over the last few years and he was tired.

 There were things he wanted; someone to come home to, a family of his own, the things he saw in the lives of his sisters and friends. And yet here he was inching ever closer to forty and still, more or less, alone. Most days it hadn’t bothered him. He had more than enough to fill his life. He had friends, nieces and honorary nephews aplenty. He had a rewarding and engaging career that he still loved, despite its pitfalls and stresses. But somedays…Somedays that nagging voice inside his head reminding him that he was alone grew loud and became difficult to ignore.

 He took a deep breath and forced himself to concentrate on the road before him. Behind him, Tom could hear Bobby’s incessant whining. “Fine, come on up.” He patted the seat beside him and Bobby let out an excited bark and quickly leapt into the front seat where he sat, watching the traffic around him.

                                                             —

 Christmas, as always, came far too quickly. Tom had spent the week before scrambling to make sure he found the bits and bobs he’d purchased throughout the year and hidden away ‘for safe keeping’. Why he never bothered to use the same spot twice, he’d never understand. Though, if pushed, he could admit it most likely came from a lifelong habit of trying to hide his things from nosey and inquisitive sisters and later from intrusive school mates.

 But he’d found them all in the end, and the evening before he’d been set to drive to his mother’s, Tom sat in his living room surrounded by wrapping paper and sellotape, wondering just what he’d been thinking. Despite his ability to master almost anything thrown his way, Tom had always been rubbish at wrapping and practice, he’d found, made little difference.

 Cursing and muttering under his breath, he fumbled his way through. The end results were far from perfect, but they were wrapped. Bobby had taken great pleasure in chasing the loose paper, gleefully tearing it to shreds. Watching this, Tom wisely made the decision to pack the gifts away where the spaniel could not reach. He didn’t think Bobby would actually go after them but experience had taught him that trusting the playful spaniel in that regard was not a risk worth taking.

 With a jaw cracking yawn, Tom pushed himself up to his feet. A quick glance at the clock informed him that it had just gone one in the morning. Much later than he’d intended. “Bed,” he murmured to himself. Bobby fast on his heels, Tom climbed the stairs and, after a quick detour to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth, fell into bed.

 He set out for his mother’s at a little before noon the following day. Traffic wasn’t nearly as hectic as he’d thought it would be, especially for the day before Christmas. Bobby sat contentedly in the front seat, every so often barking at passing motorists. He had tried, and failed, to keep the spaniel in the backseat and as they left the city limits, he’d relented and allowed Bobby what the spaniel firmly believed was his spot. Christmas music rang out of the speakers, Tom had always had a soft spot for these songs, and found himself humming along quietly as he drove.

 It hadn’t snowed yet, which was a blessing. But darkening skies loomed low and threateningly. Tom only hoped it would hold out until he was safely in Suffolk and inside with the hot beverage of his choosing before they broke. His luck, and the weather, held and he pulled into the drive only half an hour later than he’d planned. Bobby barked excitedly as Tom killed the engine, his tail a blur of motion. “Alright, alright. I know you’re dying for a walk.”

 Once he was certain Bobby’s lead was tightly fastened, Tom climbed out of the car and darted to the passenger side. Bobby hopped out and took three laps around the front garden before Tom led him back to the car. Pulling his backpack and the bag of gifts from the trunk, Tom headed up the walk and to the front door, the spaniel following closely behind.

 The door opened and a chorus of warm welcomes and a loud and enthusiastic “Uncle Tommy!” from his eldest niece, Cora, greeted him.

 He was pulled into a tight hug by his mother as he crossed the threshold. “So glad you made it before the weather turned. The thought of you out in the snow in that car…” Diana had made her dislike of Tom’s Jaguar plain from the moment he’d received it as a perk for his appearance in one of their marketing campaigns years ago.

 “Mum,” he groaned, unable to mask his annoyance, “It’s a perfectly safe car and you know fair well that I’m a good driver.”

 Diana huffed and shut the door behind him. “I’m still not a fan.”

 Settling in hadn’t taken long, he’d been placed in his old bedroom and had wasted no time in jogging up the stairs (Diana’s voice echoing after him with an admonishing “no running in the house!”) and dropping his bag on the recently made bed. The room hadn’t changed overmuch in the years since he’d lived in it; a new bedspread had been laid out but otherwise it was still very much the room of his teenaged years. Tom found an odd comfort in that. He returned downstairs and quickly found himself pulled into rolling around the floor with Alice and Cora while they laughed and screamed in delight. He could hear Emma and Sarah behind him, laughing hysterically at his antics.

 Dinner was a causal affair that evening, eaten mostly in the living room while everyone chatted and the children played with Bobby, occasionally sneaking him bits of food much to the spaniel’s delight. At quarter of nine the children were tucked into bed with the promise of a visit from Santa if they settled to sleep. He’d been roped into reading several bedtime stories because, according to Cora, “you do all the best voices”. The girls’ parents were quick to agree and so Tom settled on the floor between the two beds and read from the collection of bedtime stories that had been in the house for as long as he could remember.

 Once both girls were fast asleep, Tom rejoined the adults downstairs. He took the proffered glass of whiskey from his brother-in-law and settled on the couch. It was wonderful, getting to spend time with his family. He hadn’t seen Sarah nor her family since Emma’s wedding, something he promised himself to rectify in future. They sat up talking until well into the early hours of the morning, though Diana had turned in shorty before ten, and as they finally climbed the stairs to bed he heard Sarah grumble, “Cora will be up at first light and demand everyone join her.” And her husband grunt in response.

 Cora was in fact up at just before six Christmas morning. After waking her parents, she’d darted into Tom’s room and woke him as well by jumping repeatedly on the bed yelling “it’s Christmas, Uncle Tommy! It’s Christmas!”

 Startled into consciousness, Tom swallowed his heart and grumbled a “that’s lovely” while patting Cora on the back. He heard Sarah snort in amusement from the doorway and shot her an evil look, which only made her laugh harder.  He sat up in time to watch Cora dash from the room, grabbing her mother by the hand and dragging her towards the stairs. Tom chuckled to himself, stretched, and slowly climbed out of bed. God, it was far too early. He pulled on a jumper, as his mother tended to keep the house on the cooler side even in winter, and padded downstairs in search of coffee.

 Diana stood in the kitchen when he stumbled in, a steaming mug outstretched towards him which he took gratefully. It was a strong roast, rich and bitter. He drank it slowly, feeling the comforting rush of caffeine through his bloodstream. Gods above, he loved coffee. Excited cries soon echoed in from the living room, beckoning his attention. He made his way into the living room behind his mother and settled into one of the open arm chairs, watching as Alice and Cora were settled before their respective pile of gifts.

 The actual present opening portion of the morning lasted all of twenty minutes in Cora’s case. Alice took longer due to the fact she became easily distracted by the shiny paper. But all in all, they had their presents opened in well less than an hour. They saved the adult gift giving for later, once both girls were sufficiently distracted enough by toys to allow them a moment’s peace.

 Breakfast and lunch, much like dinner the night before, were eaten in the living room surrounded by bin bags full of wrapping paper. Tom had been drafted into throwing out said bags, very much without his consent he’d pointed out. No one, however, took his protests seriously. After he’d finished lunch and could put off the inevitable no longer, Tom threw on his coat with a grumble and grabbed the bags. Bobby was quick on his heels, sensing walkies afoot. The spaniel was hooked into his lead and headed out into the cold alongside Tom. Once the bin bags were tossed in the bins at the side of the house, they took a quick lap around the front garden then up and down the drive before heading back inside.

 He unhooked Bobby from his lead once he’d had the front door firmly shut and the spaniel had shot off back in the direction of the living room where moments later he heard the delighted cries of his nieces. Tom padded towards the kitchen in search of another mug of coffee, or if he was truly lucky, hot chocolate. He found his mother pacing around the kitchen, phone balanced between her ear and shoulder as she puttered around making hot chocolate. Bless her, he thought.

 “Oh, dear heart that is fine…Honestly, I know it’s a long drive and a short stop is perfectly fine. I just want to meet that little man of yours…Yes…Alright…Speak soon.” She turned to hang the phone back into its base and jumped when she caught sight of Tom in the doorway. “Goodness, Thomas! You gave me quite a fright.”

 “Sorry, Mum.”

 “No matter. Now that you’re here you can help me finish these up…And I mean get them ready not sample the lot, young man.” She wagged a reproachful finger at him and he laughed and ducked his head sheepishly. How was it his fault that her hot chocolate was so amazing that he couldn’t help himself? Chocolate was a weakness of his, surely she knew that by now.

 Diana shook her head and began passing him the mugs she had started and the various toppings they required. Tom worked dutifully at his task though temptation to sample was strong. “Mum…”

 “No, Tom, you may not test them out.” She answered automatically.

 Tom laughed. “That wasn’t what I was going to ask, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”

 Diana chuckled. “Anytime, my boy. Anytime.” She nudged him gently with her shoulder. “So what was your question then?”

 “Who was on the phone earlier?”

 “Amy,” Diana answered simply, offering Tom a look of understanding. “They can’t stay for lunch tomorrow, but are going to stop by on their drive home.”

 Tom smiled back. “I’m glad they can make it. I know you’ve been dying to meet Henry.” Her eyes narrowed just a fraction, and Tom let out a sigh. “Mum, honestly its fine. What happened between Amy and I is in the past. She’s moved on and so have I. Honestly.”

 Diana’s eyes studied his face, an unreadable expression in her eyes. It felt like an age before she spoke, “Then why, my boy, do you look so sad?” Tom opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off with a quick wave of her hand. “Don’t, Thomas. You forget I’ve known you all of your life. I see you. You might have accepted what happened between you and Amy, that I do believe, but I don’t know if you have truly moved on.” She shot him a knowing look. “You haven’t had a steady nor serious relationship since…And what happened that summer doesn’t count.” Diana came to stand beside him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “You are my boy and I just want you to be happy.”

 Tom blinked up at her, the smile on his face not quite reaching his eyes. “I am…I mean, yes, there are times I wish for things that I don’t have. But doesn’t everyone?” He let out a sigh. “I made some spectacularly bad choices and I’ve learned from them. Things aren’t…Perfect. But they are good. I’m good. You don’t have to worry about me.”

 Diana shook her head, “Oh my boy, that’s one thing you still don’t quite understand. I am your mother, I am always going to worry about you.” She leaned down and kissed his head. “No let’s get this drinks out there before the rest of the family starts to riot.”

 Both laughing, they worked together to place the mugs onto a tray and carried them back into the living room.

Next Chapter

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston rpf #tom hiddleston x ofc #tom hiddleston x oc #tom hiddleston x original female character #tom hiddleston x orignal character #get better fic #Tom and Cath

[winterisakillerwrites]

Get Better - Chapter Three

Title: Get Better

Chapter: 3/18

Character: Tom Hiddleston/Cath Richardson (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Love. Companionship. Family. These are all of the things Tom Hiddleston desperately wanted. But his life and his choices left that a distant and unlikely prospect. So he did his best to move on and live his life as is. When an opportunity to return to the theater arises, he jumps at the chance and along the way finds that maybe, just maybe, those distant and unlikely prospects are closer than he could have imagined. Sequel to Brave Face.

Authors Notes/Warnings: So as I was writing Brave Face I knew that Tom’s story wasn’t over, even if that particular part of it was. And while I knew, more or less, what the overall ending to the story would be, its taken me a while to figure out the time in between. Thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for letting me continually throw ideas off and at you. I still can’t fathom why you put up with it, but I am eternally grateful you do.

Previous

CHAPTER THREE

A sharp wind whipped down the florescent lit tunnel, sending a sudden shiver down his spine. Tom pulled the blanket he’d been handed tighter around him, stifling a yawn. It had been an early morning and despite several cups of coffee, with more espresso shots than he’d care to admit to, he still felt the pull of sleep dragging on him. The excitement, however, was winning by leaps and bounds. He had been intrigued when the idea was pitched to him, of making a teaser for Betrayal and posting it as-is before formally announcing the show the following day. It was a creative and fun way of drawing attention to the production and getting buzz going around it.

The teaser’s premise was simple, Tom would come into focus walking down the aforementioned tunnel, something out of the camera’s range would catch his eye, and the viewer would watch his reaction unfold. Watch the shock, pain, anger, and finally defeat play across his features. No dialogue, no real explanation; just him and music. Beautiful in its simplicity.

He stood to the side, watching as the days’ crew reset the shot and fiddled with the lighting. It was their third, and hopefully last, take; the lighting have gone a touch fuzzy during the last set up. It was a bustle of controlled chaos and something he’d always found fascinating. The way in which the crew flittered around each other was almost an elaborate dance.

“Alright, places everyone!”  The director called once things had been set to rights. Tom nodded, took a deep breath and stepped onto his mark.  

The rest of the shoot passed with little issue. The fourth take had been the one Tom was certain he’d nailed. He’d watched the final footage with the director and found himself pleased with the initial result. The days’ footage, Tom was told, would be edited that evening and should be ready to go up the day after. With a warm smile, Tom bid farewell and headed out into the bustle of the now busy streets.

He’d taken the tube that morning, enjoying being able to sit and people watch. It helped keep him grounded, just doing the everyday tasks that so many seemed to take for granted. He could usually take the tube with little fuss or fanfare. That was one of the wonderful things about London, very few people seemed to care who or what he was. True, there would be the occasional fan who would approach him or the rare ‘sneaky’ photograph (which he never really understood the point of) but for the most part he was left to his own devices.

He’d fired off a quick text to Luke before he’d entered the station, letting him know all had gone well and that he was off home. Luke responded quickly, reminding him that his phone meeting with Marvel regarding updates for the Loki limited series had been pushed back until following afternoon. Which meant for the time being, Tom had the rest of the day to himself and he was greatly looking forward to the lack of demand. He made his way through the ticket barrier and followed commuters down the escalators and onto the platform. The train rumbled into the station a few minutes later and he joined the mass of people making their way into various carriages.

Tom quickly settled into the first available seat, letting his mind wander as he watched the eclectic mix of people filling the carriage. It was something he’d always enjoyed about the city; the mix of cultures and people that had always made it uniquely London. The carriage was busy but not packed, it was still early enough in the day that most commuters were still at work. Tom enjoyed the relative peace as the carriage jostled along, silently counting the stops until his own.

He made his way from the train onto the platform once the train had pulled into his station. A flash of dark hair and a familiar laugh caught his attention as he made his way through the busy station to the ticketing barrier. Tom turned his head in reflex and a jolt of recognition shot through him. Cath. The name materialized in his head without conscious thought. But she was gone before he could make a move, disappeared into the crowd heading towards the platforms.

Tom shook himself back into the present and carried on through the gate and then out onto the street. It was just as well she’d gone, he reasoned, pulling his coat tighter around himself as a swift breeze raced down the pavements. He didn’t actually know her, had no reason to approach her other than his own, admittedly overabundant, curiosity.  And that had often caused more trouble than it was worth.

Silently, he carried on down the pavements and back towards home. Bobby, none too pleased with being shut in the back room in his crate, barked repeatedly as Tom unlocked and pushed open the front door. “Alright, alright,” he called. “I’m coming.”

He shrugged out of his woolen coat, hanging it on the rack near the door, and jogged through the house towards the back room. Bobby, finally free of his confinement, let his displeasure be known with several more loud and growly barks. Tom rolled his eyes and let the spaniel out through the door into the back garden to do his business and terrorize the local wildlife.

The following day’s teaser release and subsequent play announcement were well received, which had been a major relief. The response on social media had been overwhelmingly positive and Tom was more than pleased. Zawe had begun talks to secure her involvement in the show and from what Tom had been able to gather, Charlie Cox was in talks to join as well. Nothing had been set in stone and probably wouldn’t until closer to the New Year, but Tom couldn’t have been happier. He’d known Charlie for years and was glad to at least have the chance of potentially working with him.

His phone had been ringing off and on throughout the day following the official announcement; friends and family sharing their well wishes and excitement. His mother had been particularly thrilled as she could talk more openly about the play now that had it been announced publically. His mother and her enthusiasm had become the stuff of legend in and around Suffolk.

“So someone actually took pity on you and hired your sorry face. I must send them flowers…and my condolences as well,” Benedict laughed. His call had come just after Tom had finished an impromptu afternoon run. He was in desperate need of a shower but hadn’t the heart to tell his friend to buzz off.

“Well,” Tom quipped back. “If they actually hire you on occasion, I figured I would be a shoe-in this time round. And,” he added as an afterthought, “there is a much better chance they can actually pronounce my name.” Ben snorted laughter at the comment which pulled Tom into a laughing fit of his own. “But in all seriousness,” Tom continued once he’d managed to calm himself, “I am ridiculously excited to be able to be doing this. It’s going to be a challenging role and I am looking forward to it.”

“So who are you playing? Robert or Jerry?”

“Robert.”

Ben laughed in delight. “Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. And they’ve cast Emma and Jerry?”

“Not officially no,” Tom answered, laughing as well.

“Unofficially?” Ben goaded.

“Zawe Ashton and Charlie Cox, pending availability.”

“Very nice indeed, Mr. Hiddleston. You’re moving up in the world.” He paused, taking a breath. “Hopefully Sophie and I will be able to make it during the run.”

“Don’t feel obligated,” Tom admonished. “I know things are going to be a bit mad with the little one coming.” He had been beyond thrilled, and quietly jealous, when Ben had told him that he and Sophie were expecting again. The baby was due in late January and Tom was well aware that their lives would be chaotic for a least the first few months while their family settled into its new routine. The play would be the absolute least of their priorities. “If you make it, that will be amazing but don’t feel like you must. Honestly.”

Ben laughed. “I have a feeling that by the time your show opens we’ll both be ready for a break and grown up company.”

Tom laughed as well. “I can only imagine.”

A loud scream echoed from Ben’s side of the line. “I’m terribly sorry to cut this short but I need to make sure my sons aren’t killing one another. Sophie will be awfully cross if any damage comes to them in my care.”

“Yes. Yes. Go on, take care of your offspring. Talk to you later.” Tom ended the call and stretched his back, it having started to get a bit stiff. He really needed to make sure he stretched pre and post run now. God, I’m getting old, he thought with a grimace. Tom toed out of his running shoes and took the stairs two at a time, more eager than ever for a hot shower.

—

The rest of November passed in a blur of various appointments and meetings cumulating in an appearance at Tokyo Comic Con. Tom always thoroughly enjoyed being able to attend Asian events, especially fan ones. The welcome he received was always warm and the fan base vocal and tremendously supportive. It made the long flight and horrendous jetlag worth it. And this time had been no exception. He’d thoroughly enjoyed talking with fans and participating in numerous panels. But he had to admit, he was grateful to be going home. He’d joked with Luke about the real possibility of him sleeping for at least a week on the way to the airport.

“Good,” Luke deadpanned back. “Please do. Less chance of you causing me headache.”

The flight home had been a long one, with just enough layover to make his usual jetlag feel a hundred times worse. He’d practically fallen into the car awaiting him at Heathrow and slept all the way home. It certainly wouldn’t do his re-acclimation to British Standard Time any good, but he’d been far too tired to care. How he’d made his way from the car and into the house, he still didn’t know. Nor how he’d fumbled his way from the entry way, up the stairs and into his bedroom. He’d woken late the following afternoon still in his clothes and momentarily unaware of just where he was.

Tom blinked around the room several times before the familiar shapes of his dresser and the door to the ensuite came into focus. Home. He pushed himself upright, a jaw cracking yawn escaping him. He was still tired, still a bit fuzzy-headed, but now that he was conscious he could sense the grime of several hours confined in a small space with far too many people all over him. With a fair amount of effort, he pulled himself to his feet and padded into the bathroom, stripping as he went.

Freshly showered and feeling much more like himself, Tom climbed downstairs nearly twenty minutes later and set about fixing both coffee and food. Plate of egg and toast in one hand and a steaming mug of coffee doctored to his liking in the other, Tom padded into the living room and settled himself on the couch. He let himself revel, selfishly, in the silence of the house.

Bobby was still at Emma’s; she and her husband had volunteered to watch the little devil while he’d been out of the country. Why they’d agreed, Tom still wasn’t entirely sure. And while he’d missed the little bugger, it was nice to be able to eat a meal without having to face those large, pleading eyes. He’d never been able to completely resist them, and he knew Bobby knew.

Tom took his time eating, he had nowhere in particular he needed to be and fully intended to laze about for as long as possible. He pondered actually taking on his ever-growing ‘to-be-read’ pile. It had been ages since he’d allowed himself the luxury of just sitting and reading a book. Yes, he still read as often as was possible, but it was usually during filming breaks when he wasn’t going over lines or blocking or a few moments before falling asleep. Actually sitting about and just reading, that was a true rarity. Possibilities.

Once he’d finished the last of his meal and drained the very last of his coffee, Tom pushed himself to his feet and padded to the kitchen. He contemplated simply leaving his used plate and mug in the sink for later, after all it wasn’t as if he won’t have the time later. But the impulse was quickly abated; his mother would box his ears, metaphorically speaking, for doing such a thing even now. He shook his head and laughed at himself, washing and drying them quickly before heading out of the kitchen and into the main hall.

As Tom made his way down the hall his suitcase and backpack, left carelessly by the door the night before, caught his eye and he groaned. He should take his clothing out and get a load of washing started, knowing if he put it off it wouldn’t get done. With a muffled curse, he lugged the case towards the laundry room, setting it on the floor and sorting through his clothing. He’d gotten a load in the wash and started the sorting of the next when the sharp ring of his mobile echoed from the front of the house.

Tom sighed and padded back into the hall, finding this mobile vibrating and ringing away on the table; Emma’s number flashing across the screen. He had to have pulled it from his pocket by reflex the night before as tended to keep in beside him the majority of the time unless he purposefully needed a break from the outside world.

“Yes, little sister?” he said as way of greeting after he’d grabbed the offending object and slid his finger across the screen to accept the call.

Emma snorted a laugh. “He lives! I was wondering if you’d be conscious and functional yet or not.”

“I do live, the conscious and functional part is debatable. Now what can I do for you?”

A loud, piercing cry echoed through the line and Emma sighed, wearily. “Take my child off my hands for the next…I don’t know…Eighteen or so years?”

“Somehow I think Jack might have a few objections to that idea.” Tom chuckled, padding back into the living room and dropping onto the couch.

“He’ll live,” Emma grumbled. “I’ve got to dash. Just give us a call when you’re ready to swing by for Bobby. And if you want to take Allie with you, feel free.”

“I think I’m good. One adorable yet demanding creature is more than enough for me at this juncture,” he reasoned adding, “And Bobby doesn’t scream” as an afterthought.

“Oh ha bloody ha. See if I agree to help you with anything in future….Allie no, put that down…Alice Marie…Sorry, Tom, I’ve got to go.” The line clicked and Tom let his phone drop beside him on the couch. He scrubbed his face with his hands before standing and heading back into the laundry room. He’d finish sorting his laundry and then call her back, letting her know he was on the way.

The drive across town wasn’t nearly as bad as he’d feared it would be; London traffic being what it was. He pulled his car to a stop in the drive leading to the house forty minutes later, almost reluctant to turn the engine off and lose the heating.  Emma had the door open, his niece on her hip, before he’d climbed out of the car.

“She’s calmed I see,” he called, reaching out to take the little girl from her mother’s arms. She smiled in delight and clung to her uncle, babbling excitedly. “Hello there, angel.” He kissed the top of her head before returning his attention to his sister. “And how has my boy been?”

Emma laughed and shook her head, ushering Tom inside. “He’s been his usual self. Luckily he hasn’t dug up the back garden…again. Only because it’s been so bloody cold.”

Tom threw back his head and laughed. “Well thank goodness for small miracles.”  The aforementioned spaniel, upon hearing his master’s voice, came sprinting out into the hallway, barking. Alice let out a squeal, clapping her hands together and reaching for the excited dog jumping at her uncle’s feet. Tom bent down and gave Bobby an affectionate scratch behind the ears. Alice reached out and grabbed at Bobby’s ears. “No, sweetie. We need to be gentle with the doggy.” He demonstrated by petting Bobby softly on the head. Alice mimicked his motions and Bobby tossed his head up, licking her face. She squealed in delight and wriggled out of Tom’s arms.

Behind him, Tom could hear Emma laughing. “You are a natural, you know?” He turned around, blinking at her in puzzlement. “With kids,” she continued, “have been for years.”

He shrugged, turning his attention back towards his niece and his dog to ensure neither was misbehaving. Alice was contentedly patting Bobby on the head and babbling at him. “So are lots of people.”

“I’m just saying…You are great as Uncle Tommy and I think you’d made quite a good father in your own right.”

“Em.”

“I know you want that, Tom. It’s plain as day to anyone who knows you,” she pressed, giving him a knowing look.

“Of course I want that, Em. I just…Sometimes we can’t get what we want.” He let out a resigned sigh. “Sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want and we’ve no one to blame but ourselves. I’ve come to terms with it.”

Emma folded her arms over chest, “You and I both know that’s a boldfaced lie.”

Tom pushed himself to his feet, turning to face his sister, frustration clear in his eyes. “Just let it go, Em. Seriously.” His tone brooked no argument. “Do you have the rest of his things gathered or do I need to go into the back and fetch them?”

“Tom…” It was clear though that Tom was no longer willing to entertain the conversation at hand. “All his stuff is gathered in the back room.” He gave her a nod and headed down the hallway towards the room in question. Alice who had until that point been contentedly patting Bobby on the head, raised her attention to her mother and inquired, in her own fashion, after her missing uncle. Her mother sighed, “Uncle Tommy’s gone to get Bobby’s things then they are going bye-byes. But we’ll see them again soon.”

Alice pouted at this, “No bye-byes!”

“It’s alright Allie,” Tom spoke, dropping the bundle of Bobby’s things carefully by the door and settling on his knees beside her. “Bobby and I will come back soon. But I think right now mummy and daddy want a little time with just you.” Alice sniffled and grabbed at Tom who pulled the toddler into his arms. “I know, I know.” He kissed her head, and standing, handed the girl to her mother. “You be good for your mummy and daddy okay?”

Emma looked at him over the head of her still sniffling daughter. “I’m sorry,” she mouthed.

Tom nodded and mouthed, “It’s alright.” Picking up the bundle once more, Tom leant down and hooked Bobby’s lead to his collar. “Come on, boy.” He pushed open the front door and led them out into the dark and cold December evening. Bobby had hopped into the backseat of the car willingly enough but throughout the drive home insisted on sticking his nose further and further between the two front seats, nudging at his master’s arm.

“You, my lad, are a menace,” Tom laughed as he pulled back onto the main road and into traffic. The drive home took twice as long as the initial trip. Tom hadn’t been surprised; London traffic was a nightmare, regardless of the time of day. As they sat, Tom’s mind wandered back to Emma’s earlier words. She’d meant well and he’d known it. And he’d hated being so short with her. But they’d had the conversation far too many times over the last few years and he was tired.

There were things he wanted; someone to come home to, a family of his own, the things he saw in the lives of his sisters and friends. And yet here he was inching ever closer to forty and still, more or less, alone. Most days it hadn’t bothered him. He had more than enough to fill his life. He had friends, nieces and honorary nephews aplenty. He had a rewarding and engaging career that he still loved, despite its pitfalls and stresses. But somedays…Somedays that nagging voice inside his head reminding him that he was alone grew loud and became difficult to ignore.

He took a deep breath and forced himself to concentrate on the road before him. Behind him, Tom could hear Bobby’s incessant whining. “Fine, come on up.” He patted the seat beside him and Bobby let out an excited bark and quickly leapt into the front seat where he sat, watching the traffic around him.

                                                           —

Christmas, as always, came far too quickly. Tom had spent the week before scrambling to make sure he found the bits and bobs he’d purchased throughout the year and hidden away ‘for safe keeping’. Why he never bothered to use the same spot twice, he’d never understand. Though, if pushed, he could admit it most likely came from a lifelong habit of trying to hide his things from nosey and inquisitive sisters and later from intrusive school mates.

But he’d found them all in the end, and the evening before he’d been set to drive to his mother’s, Tom sat in his living room surrounded by wrapping paper and sellotape, wondering just what he’d been thinking. Despite his ability to master almost anything thrown his way, Tom had always been rubbish at wrapping and practice, he’d found, made little difference.

Cursing and muttering under his breath, he fumbled his way through. The end results were far from perfect, but they were wrapped. Bobby had taken great pleasure in chasing the loose paper, gleefully tearing it to shreds. Watching this, Tom wisely made the decision to pack the gifts away where the spaniel could not reach. He didn’t think Bobby would actually go after them but experience had taught him that trusting the playful spaniel in that regard was not a risk worth taking.

With a jaw cracking yawn, Tom pushed himself up to his feet. A quick glance at the clock informed him that it had just gone one in the morning. Much later than he’d intended. “Bed,” he murmured to himself. Bobby fast on his heels, Tom climbed the stairs and, after a quick detour to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth, fell into bed.

He set out for his mother’s at a little before noon the following day. Traffic wasn’t nearly as hectic as he’d thought it would be, especially for the day before Christmas. Bobby sat contentedly in the front seat, every so often barking at passing motorists. He had tried, and failed, to keep the spaniel in the backseat and as they left the city limits, he’d relented and allowed Bobby what the spaniel firmly believed was his spot. Christmas music rang out of the speakers, Tom had always had a soft spot for these songs, and found himself humming along quietly as he drove.

It hadn’t snowed yet, which was a blessing. But darkening skies loomed low and threateningly. Tom only hoped it would hold out until he was safely in Suffolk and inside with the hot beverage of his choosing before they broke. His luck, and the weather, held and he pulled into the drive only half an hour later than he’d planned. Bobby barked excitedly as Tom killed the engine, his tail a blur of motion. “Alright, alright. I know you’re dying for a walk.”

Once he was certain Bobby’s lead was tightly fastened, Tom climbed out of the car and darted to the passenger side. Bobby hopped out and took three laps around the front garden before Tom led him back to the car. Pulling his backpack and the bag of gifts from the trunk, Tom headed up the walk and to the front door, the spaniel following closely behind.

The door opened and a chorus of warm welcomes and a loud and enthusiastic “Uncle Tommy!” from his eldest niece, Cora, greeted him.

He was pulled into a tight hug by his mother as he crossed the threshold. “So glad you made it before the weather turned. The thought of you out in the snow in that car…” Diana had made her dislike of Tom’s Jaguar plain from the moment he’d received it as a perk for his appearance in one of their marketing campaigns years ago.

“Mum,” he groaned, unable to mask his annoyance, “It’s a perfectly safe car and you know fair well that I’m a good driver.”

Diana huffed and shut the door behind him. “I’m still not a fan.”

Settling in hadn’t taken long, he’d been placed in his old bedroom and had wasted no time in jogging up the stairs (Diana’s voice echoing after him with an admonishing “no running in the house!”) and dropping his bag on the recently made bed. The room hadn’t changed overmuch in the years since he’d lived in it; a new bedspread had been laid out but otherwise it was still very much the room of his teenaged years. Tom found an odd comfort in that. He returned downstairs and quickly found himself pulled into rolling around the floor with Alice and Cora while they laughed and screamed in delight. He could hear Emma and Sarah behind him, laughing hysterically at his antics.

Dinner was a causal affair that evening, eaten mostly in the living room while everyone chatted and the children played with Bobby, occasionally sneaking him bits of food much to the spaniel’s delight. At quarter of nine the children were tucked into bed with the promise of a visit from Santa if they settled to sleep. He’d been roped into reading several bedtime stories because, according to Cora, “you do all the best voices”. The girls’ parents were quick to agree and so Tom settled on the floor between the two beds and read from the collection of bedtime stories that had been in the house for as long as he could remember.

Once both girls were fast asleep, Tom rejoined the adults downstairs. He took the proffered glass of whiskey from his brother-in-law and settled on the couch. It was wonderful, getting to spend time with his family. He hadn’t seen Sarah nor her family since Emma’s wedding, something he promised himself to rectify in future. They sat up talking until well into the early hours of the morning, though Diana had turned in shorty before ten, and as they finally climbed the stairs to bed he heard Sarah grumble, “Cora will be up at first light and demand everyone join her.” And her husband grunt in response.

Cora was in fact up at just before six Christmas morning. After waking her parents, she’d darted into Tom’s room and woke him as well by jumping repeatedly on the bed yelling “it’s Christmas, Uncle Tommy! It’s Christmas!”

Startled into consciousness, Tom swallowed his heart and grumbled a “that’s lovely” while patting Cora on the back. He heard Sarah snort in amusement from the doorway and shot her an evil look, which only made her laugh harder.  He sat up in time to watch Cora dash from the room, grabbing her mother by the hand and dragging her towards the stairs. Tom chuckled to himself, stretched, and slowly climbed out of bed. God, it was far too early. He pulled on a jumper, as his mother tended to keep the house on the cooler side even in winter, and padded downstairs in search of coffee.

Diana stood in the kitchen when he stumbled in, a steaming mug outstretched towards him which he took gratefully. It was a strong roast, rich and bitter. He drank it slowly, feeling the comforting rush of caffeine through his bloodstream. Gods above, he loved coffee. Excited cries soon echoed in from the living room, beckoning his attention. He made his way into the living room behind his mother and settled into one of the open arm chairs, watching as Alice and Cora were settled before their respective pile of gifts.

The actual present opening portion of the morning lasted all of twenty minutes in Cora’s case. Alice took longer due to the fact she became easily distracted by the shiny paper. But all in all, they had their presents opened in well less than an hour. They saved the adult gift giving for later, once both girls were sufficiently distracted enough by toys to allow them a moment’s peace.

Breakfast and lunch, much like dinner the night before, were eaten in the living room surrounded by bin bags full of wrapping paper. Tom had been drafted into throwing out said bags, very much without his consent he’d pointed out. No one, however, took his protests seriously. After he’d finished lunch and could put off the inevitable no longer, Tom threw on his coat with a grumble and grabbed the bags. Bobby was quick on his heels, sensing walkies afoot. The spaniel was hooked into his lead and headed out into the cold alongside Tom. Once the bin bags were tossed in the bins at the side of the house, they took a quick lap around the front garden then up and down the drive before heading back inside.

He unhooked Bobby from his lead once he’d had the front door firmly shut and the spaniel had shot off back in the direction of the living room where moments later he heard the delighted cries of his nieces. Tom padded towards the kitchen in search of another mug of coffee, or if he was truly lucky, hot chocolate. He found his mother pacing around the kitchen, phone balanced between her ear and shoulder as she puttered around making hot chocolate. Bless her, he thought.

“Oh, dear heart that is fine…Honestly, I know it’s a long drive and a short stop is perfectly fine. I just want to meet that little man of yours…Yes…Alright…Speak soon.” She turned to hang the phone back into its base and jumped when she caught sight of Tom in the doorway. “Goodness, Thomas! You gave me quite a fright.”

“Sorry, Mum.”

“No matter. Now that you’re here you can help me finish these up…And I mean get them ready not sample the lot, young man.” She wagged a reproachful finger at him and he laughed and ducked his head sheepishly. How was it his fault that her hot chocolate was so amazing that he couldn’t help himself? Chocolate was a weakness of his, surely she knew that by now.

Diana shook her head and began passing him the mugs she had started and the various toppings they required. Tom worked dutifully at his task though temptation to sample was strong. “Mum…”

“No, Tom, you may not test them out.” She answered automatically.

Tom laughed. “That wasn’t what I was going to ask, but thanks for the vote of confidence.”

Diana chuckled. “Anytime, my boy. Anytime.” She nudged him gently with her shoulder. “So what was your question then?”

“Who was on the phone earlier?”

“Amy,” Diana answered simply, offering Tom a look of understanding. “They can’t stay for lunch tomorrow, but are going to stop by on their drive home.”

Tom smiled back. “I’m glad they can make it. I know you’ve been dying to meet Henry.” Her eyes narrowed just a fraction, and Tom let out a sigh. “Mum, honestly its fine. What happened between Amy and I is in the past. She’s moved on and so have I. Honestly.”

Diana’s eyes studied his face, an unreadable expression in her eyes. It felt like an age before she spoke, “Then why, my boy, do you look so sad?” Tom opened his mouth to protest but she cut him off with a quick wave of her hand. “Don’t, Thomas. You forget I’ve known you all of your life. I see you. You might have accepted what happened between you and Amy, that I do believe, but I don’t know if you have truly moved on.” She shot him a knowing look. “You haven’t had a steady nor serious relationship since…And what happened that summer doesn’t count.” Diana came to stand beside him, wrapping her arm around his shoulders. “You are my boy and I just want you to be happy.”

Tom blinked up at her, the smile on his face not quite reaching his eyes. “I am…I mean, yes, there are times I wish for things that I don’t have. But doesn’t everyone?” He let out a sigh. “I made some spectacularly bad choices and I’ve learned from them. Things aren’t…Perfect. But they are good. I’m good. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Diana shook her head, “Oh my boy, that’s one thing you still don’t quite understand. I am your mother, I am always going to worry about you.” She leaned down and kissed his head. “No let’s get this drinks out there before the rest of the family starts to riot.”

Both laughing, they worked together to place the mugs onto a tray and carried them back into the living room.

Next

#Tom Hiddleston #Tom Hiddleston RPF #Tom Hiddleston x oc #Tom Hiddleston x ofc #Tom Hiddleston x original character #tom hiddleston x original female character #Tom & Cath #Get Better

[theseassecret-sanderssidesau]

Chapter one. Part 5

Jane swam to the shore, got out of the water and transformed back into a human, she tan to her house and went inside from the back door ”Roman I'm home” she said, walking to the dining room, there was food on the table already ”Are we not going to wait for Logan?”

”He said he was coming late, something activated an alarm I think, or that’s what he said”

Shit, she had to wait for Logan and question him about that.

“Anyways, how’s Cath?” He said, sitting and grinning.

”Stop smiling like that” she sat next to Roman ”we were just working, nothing else happened” she lied

”I still can't believe you're dating a girl who's about to end college”

”And I still can't believe you're sill saying we're dating when I've told you hundreds of times we're not”

”But you like each other”

“I don’t know if she likes me”

“Wasn’t she the one who invited you to a date the first time?”

“Yeah, but...”

“You’re just looking for an excuse to not go out with her formally, you’re such a Dawn” said Roman, referencing Waitress.

Jane recognized the reference and faked an offended gasp “I’m not defensive, I’m simply being cautious, I can't risk reckless dating, due to my miscalculating, while a certain suitor stands in line” she sang smiling.

“I’ve seen in movies, most made for television, you cannot be too careful when it comes to sharing your life” Roman continued the song.

“I could end up a miserable wife!” They sang together before bursting into laughter.

“It’s never a bad time for a musical reference” said Roman.

“Even if I’m changing the subject?”

“Even if you’re changing the subject, but seriously, you should talk to her about it”

“Yeah I think I should”

Roman smiled at her and was about to serve the food when the door opened.

“I’m home” said Logan closing the door, he walked to the dining room “where you waiting for me, I told Roman you could start”

“We just got stuck in a conversation” Said Jane.

“How do you get stuck in a conversation?”

“Figuratively, specks” answered Roman “now come here so we can eat already”

Logan sat next to his siblings and they started eating, until the unavoidable topic came to light.

“So, what happened at work that made you come later?” Asked Jane, of course, she knew about the alarm and how had happened, but she wanted to know what happened after her and Virgil left.

“Something attacked the grid that connects the sea to where we have the merman activating the alarm, some of our workers went to check but when they arrived there was nothing out of the ordinary”

“Any idea of what might have caused it?” Said Roman, thinking briefly about the other merman he saw.

“No, but Dr. Dee didn’t want this to happen again without anyone knowing, we had to install a camera under the sea, that’s why I came home later”

Roman smiled widely and started singing Under the sea from the little mermaid while Logan groaned, but Jane was to immersed on her thoughts to join, with that camera there was jo way Virgil or her could get close enough to rescue Patton, that was going to be a problem, they had to figure out other way to free him.

“Earth calling Jane” said Roman, snapping his fingers in front of her ”Are you listening to us?”

”wha- oh yeah sorry, I was just thinking about something, what were you saying?” She said, grabbing a glass of water.

”Well, I started singing under the sea, and then I thought that Disney's idea of mermaids might be right”

”And I was telling him that, if it was an accurate interpretation, mermaids and or mermen should be able to transform into humans-” said Logan.

Before he could finish, Jane started coughing, she managed to put the glass away without spilling the water inside ”sorry, I'm okay” she coughed once more to get the sensation out of her throat before talk again ”do you thinking that's possible? The merpeople turning into humans thing?”

”merpeople?” Asked Logan.

”yeah, that's the right term, instead of saying mermaids and mermen”

”And you know this because?” Asked Roman.

”I investigated, after today's events”

”Well, their simple existence shouldn't be possible, but the thought of them possessing actual magic is quite believable, did you see the necklace he had?” Explained Logan

”the one Dr. Dee took away?” Asked Roman.

”That one, it glowed while we were there, I had to examine it and I couldn’t find any type of mechanism on it that could cause the pearl to shine”

“Ha! I knew they had magic!” Said Roman.

”It's just a theory, but if they do, there's no way to know what they're capable of” said Logan.

”You don't have a way to figure it out?” Asked Jane.

”no, the only way we could know is if he told us, but it seems like he's not capable of talking, or at least not in our language, putting him in danger might work, he could use his magic to defend or protect himself, but I doubt Dr. Dee would want to risk such a rare specimen”

”Speaking of which” said Roman with his mouth full, the he swallowed what he was eating to continue taking ”Do you think there are more like him?”

“Maybe, I mean, if he’s not the first one of his kind, following laws of nature, there is the possibility there had to be two specimens who had-“

“Brought him to the world, right” Interrupted Roman

“But, again, there’s not a way to know for sure”

Roman and Jane looked at each other for a brief moment before continuing with their food.

The rest of the lunch ended normally, as well as the rest of the day, Logan went back to work after eating and came back for dinner, the subject of the merman got out a couple of times, but there was no new relevant information about him.

When the night came, each Sander sibling was struggling to fall asleep, they all had their reasons, but everyone was thinking about Patton, and while Logan was amazed with him, both Roman and Jane were worried about him.

Taglist:

@heathers-dorkness-0923

@gabbydafurry

@brooky71

@omg-somethingsilly

#the sea’s secret #main story #chapter one #part 5 #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #jane sanders #ts roman #ts logan #ts patton #oc

[jay-wells-writes]

Something different.

Now I understand that this is not what you all follow me for. But this is something that is close to my heart and I wanted to share it with you all. But I can tell you that it is said and it may hold triggers to some. I can tell you that it talks about death, miscarriages/still born, and abortion. Those triggers are in passing, nothing more. They are important to what I wanted to share with you. But if that isn't your thing, I completely understand.  

When you think February, you think Valentine's Day. And if you will have a date for the night or if you would be alone. But other then my husband’s birthday, there is 2 other reason why this month is important. And neither one evolves around Valentine’s Day.

Each month you see Awareness for one thing or another. And in my eyes, each and everyone is important. But some get way more acknowledgement. How ironic that the two most important to me fall on the same month. When I first started to write this out I set out to make you cry. But the more I wrote the more I felt like it was a paper you would write for school. It told the story, but it didn't give you an idea on what it felt like for me, to live through it.

Alyzea aka Ali was born October of 2011. Normal pregnancy and easy delivery. But the day Ali turned 7 weeks old, we were thrown into a world that I never knew about. Because Ali was born with a broken heart. And then, at the age of three, our world was once again turned upside down when we learned she also was born with a genetic disorder called Mosaic Turner’s Syndrome. But let's talk dive into the heart defect first.

As mentioned above Ali was 7 weeks old when we learned she had a heart defect called Aortic Stenosis, with a Unicuspid Aortic Valve. Oh, did I fail to mention that Ali was also in Congestive Heart Failure? And also being airlifted to another children’s hospital. Are you lost yet? So were we. This all happened in one day. But as they say in commercials, just wait! It gets better. We learned this all in one day, after a week of fighting with our doctor. From the beginning shall we?

A week before this shit storm I started to notice that Ali wasn’t eating like she should, took her to the doctors and they told us “It's just a cold” nothing to worry about as long as you are getting wet diapers. There was no need to worry. So all week long, I watched as our daughter was eating less and less. Soon eating less turned into sleeping all day and breaking out in sweats. Each time I called the doctors, “oh it’s just a cold”. Soon everyone was telling me, “it’s just a cold”. Including my own mother.

Then one night my daughter went the whole night without giving me a wet diaper, almost nine hours actually. So I make the same call I had been all week. This time they tell me, sometimes babies don't pee at night. It is normal. She needs to go more than eight hours during the day.

While I was on the phone with my mom, bitching, I could hear my dad in the background telling me to just take her in. So I did. The urgent care doctor looked at her and told me that she was dehydrated. And needed to go to the ER for I.V. fluids. At the ER, Ali got her fluids, they ran blood work, and did a chest x-ray. And everything came back normal. So they sent us home and told us to follow up with the doctor the next day.

Next day. The following morning I ran the hubby to work and made an appointment with the nurse practitioner for 9 o’clock that morning. On my way home the hospital called and told me they had another person look over our daughters x-ray. And it showed that Ali’s heart was slightly enlarged and had fluid around her lungs. I don't even make it home before the doctor's office was calling me, telling me the nurse practitioner didn't feel comfortable seeing my daughter and they wanted to send me to the other office 30 minutes away, because they actually had a peds office. Ok I know what you are thinking. Why the hell was I going there in the first place?! Well, because my whole life I saw a family doctor and thought if I did it, why couldn’t Ali?

Anyways, the only issue there, was they couldn't get Ali in till much later in the afternoon. Once home my mother in law told me that she was able to get Ali to eat, but then she puked it all back up. Time seemed to slow down as I waited to leave. And the whole time I waited, Ali slept.

Soon it was time to meet Dr. W, a women who soon became a major part of Ali’s life. This women took one look at Ali and knew something wasn't right. But the x-ray report made no sense, so she called in another doctor. And that's when they told me to take her to a children’s hospital, where she was admitted

Fast forward the rest of that day and into the next. All of Ali’s test showed the same thing. Her heart was enlarged and she had fluid on her lungs. While they were doing her echo-cardiogram Dr. L came in. He took one look at her echo and told me that she was in congestive heart failure and needed to be airlifted to another children’s hospital that was equipped to work with her. Before I knew it he had four nurses taking her away to the PICU. And by the time I made it down the hall, four turned into ten. And I watched through a window as they all worked on Ali. Tell me, have you ever looked on as a 8 lb baby laid in an adult size bed and was surrounded by strangers?  They tried to get me to leave and go to the waiting room, but I wouldn't. They shut the blinds to make me move, and I still didn't. I finally moved when the PICU doctor stood outside her door and yelled for them to make me move.

Because we thought that “It was just a cold” my husband had went to work that morning. So when all this went down I was alone. They called a chaplain to sit with me while I waited for my parents to come. After talking with my husband he agreed that staying near the house was the best thing and that when I got home we would travel to the new hospital together.

Although I was hurting I managed to keep it together and it wasn't until my parents walked in did I lose it. I became mad, I was mad at the doctors because I fucking knew something was wrong and they all pushed it to the side, I was pissed at Dr. L because he came across as in personal and after telling me Ali was sick he left the room only to come back minutes later to move her. But my dad stopped that train of thought when he asked me, “what was more important, my feelings or my daughter's life?” I was even mad at my mom for not believing me. But when I looked into her eyes I saw the guilt that was eating at her. And I knew I could never stay mad. But the one person I was most upset with, was myself. Because I let myself start to believe that maybe everyone was right, that maybe it was just a cold and I should back off.

At the other Children’s hospital I remember the respiratory therapist telling me that when Ali first got to them she didn't think Ali would make it, because the ventilator was doing all of her breathing for her. The night before her surgery I remember calling my little sister and crying. Telling her that my baby was fighting for her life and I couldn’t do anything. That I just wanted my baby to be ok. Nothing she could say could make it better, so she just sat there and listen as I cried my eyes out. I remember the surgeon telling us that she had a 10% chance of surviving the heart cath. But all the same we signed the papers and watched as they took her back. For 2 hours we sat and waited. Till they told us she made it out of surgery and she was doing just fine. She ended up spending a week in the hospital. Coming home on Thanksgiving. For the first few months after, it was hell. Because any little thing she did that wasn't right we would begin to panic. When I told you that Dr. W was an amazing women, I meant it. Because anytime I went into panic mode she was there to tell me that it was ok. And that I had every right to be that freaked out. But it was Dr. L that made me realize I couldn't live in the past. Because if I sat there thinking of the what if’s I would miss out on everything that's happening now.

Ali had another heart cath done at 5 months old. And hasn't had any issues since then. But that doesn't mean she is out of the woods. She will have to have open heart surgery at some point. There is no if ands or buts about it. It is in her cards.

That means at some point we will have to sign papers allowing doctors to cut open our daughter’s chest, reach inside of her and hook her to a machine that will act as her heart while they work on hers. That means her heart will have to stop beating in order for them to do their job. And there is no way around it.

With the help of a great community online, I have made many friends that have been through what I have. But not everyone's stories turn out like ours. Ryder and Liam are only two of the thousand that have lost their fight. Both at a very young age. Here is something you may not have known. In the United States, nearly twice as many kids die from congestive heart defects then all forms of childhood cancers…. Combined. It also affects 1 out of 100 children.

Ali is 1 out of 100, but she is also 1 out of 2000. As stated above Ali was also born with a genetic disordered called Mosaic Turner’s Syndrome. Now this story may not be as bad as her heart defect, but I can guarantee it will make you just as mad.

This story actually goes back to when Ali was in the hospital fighting for her life. As part as the hospitals procedure, Ali was tested genetically. But we never received any results. Which I chalked up to as a good thing. I mean who wouldn't? We had just brought our daughter home. Lab results were the farthest thing from my mind.

But as Ali continued to grow more medical issues came about. But nothing that screamed at me. She was considered non verbal, she showed signs of autism that turned out to be sensory processing disorder, and she suffered from constant ear infections. It was only after talking with other mother’s online did I begin to question if we should have her tested. Of course I forgot about the one done when she was an infant. So I asked her doctor if they could run one, and of course they agreed. The geneticists ended up setting up a bunch of tests for Ali. And after she got some of them back, she went to work looking through Ali’s medical file. And on the very bottom of her cardiologist notes she found test results dated for November of 2011. And those test results showed that Ali tested for Mosaic Turner’s. That's right, that second children’s hospital knew about the Turner’s but never told any of her doctors.

As you can imagine, we were beyond pissed off. I called Dr. L and he was out of the office, when I called Dr. W she was calling me back within 10 minutes and she talked with me for a good hour about everything Turner’s meant. And bright an early the next morning Dr. L was calling me apologizing for not seeing that report. But it wasn't his fault and I don't blame him. It wasn't like they actually told him. They just sent it over to him along with all of their notes.

See I told you this story wasn't as gut wrenching as the heart defect. But that doesn't mean it isn't gut wrenching. Ali is 2%.

That is the survival rate of girls born with Turner’s Syndrome. The other 98% don't make it to birth. What is even more heartbreaking is doctors actually tell mothers that the survival rate is so low they should just terminate their pregnancies.

If you look back at Ali’s story you can see that the deck was stacked against her from the beginning. And she came out on top both times. And even though she has been through hell, she never lets it show. As a friend says, Ali is a free spirit and you can’t help but love her. She is very empathetic and she cares about others. She dances to the beat of her own drum and she could care less if you follow. And she is the reason why February is so damn important to me.

#CHD #turner syndrome #my daughters story #trigger warnings #death #miscarriages #still born #abortion

[caitsbooks]

Caitsbooks Recommends: NaNoWriMo Novels

NaNoWriMo has begun, and while we're all struggling to reach our daily word goal, I wanted to mention a few of my favorite books that were written during NaNo!

Read under the cut to learn more about the books!

1. Cinder by Marissa Meyer Marissa Meyer actually wrote the first 3 novels in her Lunar Chronicles series, Cinder, Scarlet, and Cress, during NaNoWriMo!!! This series is one of my favorites. It's an epic sci-fi retelling of the classic fairytales, with plenty of action, romance, and humor.

"A forbidden romance. A deadly plague. Earth's fate hinges on one girl . . . CINDER, a gifted mechanic in New Beijing, is also a cyborg. She's reviled by her stepmother and blamed for her stepsister's sudden illness. But when her life becomes entwined with the handsome Prince Kai's, she finds herself at the center of a violent struggle between the desires of an evil queen - and a dangerous temptation. Cinder is caught between duty and freedom, loyalty and betrayal. Now she must uncover secrets about her mysterious past in order to protect Earth's future This is not the fairytale you remember. But it's one you won't forget."

(Goodreads)

2.The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern This book is breathtakingly beautiful, and was written during a few consecutive NaNos. If you haven't picked up this amazing novel, I highly recommend it!

"The circus arrives without warning. No announcements precede it. It is simply there, when yesterday it was not. Within the black-and-white striped canvas tents is an utterly unique experience full of breathtaking amazements. It is called Le Cirque des Rêves, and it is only open at night.  But behind the scenes, a fierce competition is underway—a duel between two young magicians, Celia and Marco, who have been trained since childhood expressly for this purpose by their mercurial instructors. Unbeknownst to them, this is a game in which only one can be left standing, and the circus is but the stage for a remarkable battle of imagination and will. Despite themselves, however, Celia and Marco tumble headfirst into love—a deep, magical love that makes the lights flicker and the room grow warm whenever they so much as brush hands.  True love or not, the game must play out, and the fates of everyone involved, from the cast of extraordinary circus performers to the patrons, hang in the balance, suspended as precariously as the daring acrobats overhead. "

(Goodreads)

3. Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell

Rainbow Rowell is a YA icon, and her novel Fangirl is a fan favorite. This book is extremely relatable for any book-obsessed introvert, or anyone who has been afraid of starting something new.

"Cath is a Simon Snow fan. Okay, the whole world is a Simon Snow fan, but for Cath, being a fan is her life-and she's really good at it. She and her twin sister, Wren, ensconced themselves in the Simon Snow series when they were just kids; it's what got them through their mother leaving. Reading. Rereading. Hanging out in Simon Snow forums, writing Simon Snow fan fiction, dressing up like the characters for every movie premiere. Cath's sister has mostly grown away from fandom, but Cath can't let go. She doesn't want to. Now that they're going to college, Wren has told Cath she doesn't want to be roommates. Cath is on her own, completely outside of her comfort zone. She's got a surly roommate with a charming, always-around boyfriend, a fiction-writing professor who thinks fan fiction is the end of the civilized world, a handsome classmate who only wants to talk about words . . . And she can't stop worrying about her dad, who's loving and fragile and has never really been alone. For Cath, the question is: Can she do this? Can she make it without Wren holding her hand? Is she ready to start living her own life? And does she even want to move on if it means leaving Simon Snow behind?"

(Goodreads)

4. Anna and the French Kiss by Stephanie Perkins

If you're having a bad day, and need a book that is just happiness in book form, grab Anna and the French Kiss. Stephanie Perkins has mastered YA contemporary romance, and I was so surprised to find out this was originally a NaNo novel!

"Anna is looking forward to her senior year in Atlanta, where she has a great job, a loyal best friend, and a crush on the verge of becoming more. Which is why she is less than thrilled about being shipped off to boarding school in Paris--until she meets Étienne St. Clair. Smart, charming, beautiful, Étienne has it all...including a serious girlfriend. But in the City of Light, wishes have a way of coming true. Will a year of romantic near-misses end with their long-awaited French kiss?"

(Goodreads)

4. Alienated by Melissa Landers

This book is just so fun! Another novel that started with NaNoWriMo, but Melissa Landers put this book through five edits before it became the book it is today. All I know is, I'm so glad she persisted and stuck with this book because it is one of my favorite,] cute sci-fi/alien reads.

"Two years ago, the aliens made contact. Now Cara Sweeney is going to be sharing a bathroom with one of them. Handpicked to host the first-ever L’eihr exchange student, Cara thinks her future is set. Not only does she get a free ride to her dream college, she’ll have inside information about the mysterious L’eihrs that every journalist would kill for. Cara’s blog following is about to skyrocket. Still, Cara isn’t sure what to think when she meets Aelyx. Humans and L’eihrs have nearly identical DNA, but cold, infuriatingly brilliant Aelyx couldn’t seem more alien. She’s certain about one thing, though: no human boy is this good-looking. But when Cara's classmates get swept up by anti-L'eihr paranoia, Midtown High School suddenly isn't safe anymore. Threatening notes appear in Cara's locker, and a police officer has to escort her and Aelyx to class. Cara finds support in the last person she expected. She realizes that Aelyx isn’t just her only friend; she's fallen hard for him. But Aelyx has been hiding the truth about the purpose of his exchange, and its potentially deadly consequences. Soon Cara will be in for the fight of her life—not just for herself and the boy she loves, but for the future of her planet."

(Goodreads)

Those are my top 5 Published NaNoWriMo novels, but there are plenty more out there. Have you read any published NaNo books? Anything I should pick up??? (As if my TBR needs more books)(who am I kidding I always need more books)

Also, how is everyone surviving NaNo? I just reached 50k of my novel, but I started it in October so I'm really only around 14k into NaNo. I plan to post more about what I'm actually doing for NaNo and why I started early tomorrow. In the mean time, add me as a writing buddy!!!

#nanowrimo #nano #nano 2018 #nanowrimo 2018 #national novel writing month #Book Recommendations #book recs #recs #tnc #the night circus #erin morgenstern #tlc #the lunar chronicles #cinder #alienated #fangirl #carry on #rainbow rowell #anna and the french kiss #aatfk #stephanie perkins #marissa meyer #melissa landers #caitsbooks recommends

[rainbowglittr]

Love and Marriage - Chapter 15 (Mature, Minors DNI)

Description:

After a loss in the family uncovers a family secret, Jaleia and her husband Jesse are forced to balance one family crisis after another along with their budding careers and their plans to expand their family. Will the pressure to keep everyone else together ruin their own relationship? Can ruined relationships be fixed before it’s too late?

Chapter 15:

"Ugh." I lifted my head from the toliet as I finished heaving. Jesse was holding my hair back since it had decided it ws not going to stay in a ponytail. Pregnancy was really throwing me for a loop. A couple of weeks ago, me and Jess went to the doctor where she confirmed that I was indeed pregnant. I was now about 6 weeks pregnant and the side effects were kicking in real strong. I had been having morning sickness almost every sngle day for the past two weeks. Like clockwork. I was tired no matter how much I slept.

"You think that's it, baby?" Jesse said. This morning sickness routine had added on at least fifteen extra minutes to my morning schedule, so to not be late I woke up fifteen extra minutes early. We were still keeping it quiet, although I think Diana was cathing on. But we decided to still keep it quiet for another month to be safe.

She only was going to stay with us for about two more weeks, just before the end of August. That was supposed to be when Jesse's mom officially closed on the house that is just three doors away from ours.

And while Jesse did did best to try and convince her to move somewhere a little further away, she was sold on that damn house. We saw her almost non-stop. She also was lucky because someone had agreed to buy her old house, but that was going to take longer to close than the one she just bought. Jesse and Di were helping her when they could to pack everything from the house and move it to storage. They had made a lot of progress and this Friday they were going to move the last boxes of stuff into storage. Once her new house closed they would have to move all that stuff into the new house. I had to say her hating me really came in handy because I really did not want to help.

Jesse on the other hand was busy in a lot of meetings to determine whether or not he was going to be the labels next new artist. They really liked him, and he was going to start doing some local performances, and creating public social media accounts, depending on how well he did, with the label's help, determined if this record deal was going to happen. And even though he was still fighting really hard to get it, his previous work with Legacy Records really gave him a leg up. It was looking good but they were really reluctant to give one of, in my humble totally and completely unbiased opinion, their best song writers a shot a making it big. The just weren't sure he had that "star qualilty" they were looking for. In other words, he was a black, non-rapping artist they weren't sure how to market him or if he would sell.

I just sat for a moment, hoping that my stomach had settled. When I no longer felt the waves of nausea crash over me, I started to get up.

"I think I'm done for today, or this morning at least." I told Jesse.

"Good, that means my job here is done." He said. He stood up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder, and his hands on my stomach.

"Our baby is in there." I said smiling.

"Yeah, our little girl." he said, kissing my neck lightly.

"How do you know?" I said as I put my hands on top of his.

"Cause thats what I told my sperm to make."

I laughed and rested my head against his chest.

"You know, I've spent so much time not wanting to be pregnant, it feels so good to actually be happy about it." I said.

"I spent so much time trying not to get someone pregnant. It's nice that when I finally did, we're both happy about it."

"Shut up." I said, still smiling.

"Are you nervous?" he asked.

"Of course Jess, I don't want to be a shitty mom. Plus with all the issues I have, I'm scared but I always wanted this and I'm excited."

"You are going to be the most amazing mom ever. You shouldn't even be nervous, Love."

"Are you?"

"Course I am. But I got you, so I ain't even sweating it."

"I see you with Di, you ain't got nothing to worry about, you're going to be amazing as a dad."

"Well if you're going to be amazing, and I'm going to be amazing, then our baby is going to have two amazing parents."

"Damn right." I said.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"And then I took Benadryl, and it didn't get any better, and then I tried Tylenol, which, I, I,I don't even know why I tried that, I think my wife told me to, actually I think it was my mother actually who told me to take Tylenol, it didn't work and then-"

"Um, sorry to interrupt but do you have any relevant medical history that I don't already know? Anything you think you haven't already told us, um, anything you unusual that you've done or been exposed to that might be making your allergies worse, anything at all?" I said. My patient had been going on and on about stuff that I quite honestly really didn't need to know and I really didn't have time for. I just needed to know if anything had changed since the last time I saw him. But he was extremely long winded.

"Nah, not that I can think of. But you know I have been gardening a lot more, not that I haven't before but I've been doing more, and you know what my wife says, she thinks there's nothing more peaceful then gardening? I kinda see where she's coming from but at the same time it's a lot of work. have you ever done gardening?"

"Um, I used to. Maybe Mr. Ryilke, when you come back you can bring back some samples of the soil, maybe there's some sort of allergen in the soil that is making your lupus go haywire. So I'll give you some instructions on paper of how to collect the samples, how to store them, all that and next time I see you I'll get them tested. As for you nurse Jackie is going to come in and take some samples from you that we are going to test and we should have the results shortly, or within the hour. if you have no further questions, then I'll let Nurse Jackie get started. Do you have any questions, anything at all?" I said as I started to get up.

"Just one question, doctor. Is it normal for my pee to be orange?" I just stoppped and stared for a moment. Then I sat back down, this was going to be a long conversation.

>>>>>>>>>>>

"Let me just finish up this report, then I'm going to close up. I'm out after this." I said to one of my coworkers, Marie. I was in the research lab and ready to go home. I just had one report to submit and I could have the sweet taste of freedom. I clicked submit after a quick proof read and started to gather my things.

"If you're done then James is going to walk me out if you want to come." she said. I took off my labcoat and hung it around my chair.

"Yeah, that would be great." I called out to her as I followed her out the lab. Marie and James were your typical "should be a couple" in my group of collegues. They clearly had chemistry but they were still in the "will they, won't they" part of their friend/relationship. They were two of the sweetest people I've ever met but also two of the most clueless when it came to dating- well at least dating each other. But I loved working with them, and I figure they have about three months before they can't take it anymore and finally get together.

We walked down the stairwell, with Marie and James having another one of their passionate debates about something random. I guess today's topic was cats versus dogs.

"What about you Jay?" Marie asked as we got to the last landing.

"I got to go with James on this one, sorry Marie, I'm team dogs."

"Not you? Oh God, who do i work with?" she said dramactically.

"Somebody had to say it, Marie." James said.

We all waved goodnight to the nure's station as we walked out of the stairwell and past the Nurse's station.

"Are you coming to Janet's party, Jay?" Marie asked me.

"Oh crap when is that again?"

"This Saturday. it's at the fancy resturant, I think it's french or something." she said.

"I forgot, damn. I'll definitely be there, let me put it in my phone so I don't forget it." I said whipping out my phone. Janet was another doctor in our depatrment, she was nice, I didn't know her well but well enough I guess to go to her birthday party.

James and Marie talked a little more, as we walked through the parking lot. They often got lost in their little bubble and forgot about other people but I was used to it, it was cute. It reminded me of when me and Jesse first got together. It was like no one else in the world existed.

"We parked together here Jay, are you good or do you want us to walk you to your car?" James asked.

"It's still light out guys, I'm not that far away, I'm good. Thank you. I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

"See you!" they both replied.

I walked to my car, hoping that I wouldn't get car sick. I don't know what this baby's obsession with making me vomit was but I was over it. Every now and then being in the car would make me car sick enough to have to pull over and either throw up or let the nausea pass.

>>>>>>>>>>>

"Jess, babe? I'm home!" I called out as soon as I walked in the door. I wasn't actually sure if he would be home before me today. but the lights were on so I figured he had to be. I walked to the kitchen, looking aorund for him. His mom was sitting in our nook.

"Hello." I said flatly.

"You look really fat and pudgy in that shirt. I don't know why my son would be attracted to that." she replied.

"Why are you in my house if you're going to be rude?" I asked as I put my purse down on the table.

"Why did my son marry trash? I guess we'll never know." she said as she glared at me.

"I don't have to put up with your shit Aiesha. I don't care if you're Jesse's mom. You can leave."

"I don't care if you're his wife, you will never be worthy of my son, you will always be beneath him and if I had it my way, he never would've married you."

"There is literally no reason for you to hate me and yet inexplicably you do. Why?"

"I just think Jesse could have done a lot better than you."

"What does that even mean?"

"Hey, what's going on?" Jesse's voice rang out from behind me. I wasn't facing the door so I didn't even hear hm come in. I turned to face him, giving him a quick peck on the lips, before truning to face his mother again.

"Oh, your lovely wife over here was threatening to kick me out your house. Is that acceptable to you Jesse? You don't mind your wife kicking me out?" Aiesha crossed her arms, a gave Jesse a demanding look.

"Mom, no one is throwing you out. And maybe if you stop insulting Jay, she would stop wanting to throw you out."

"So you are taking her side over your own mother?"

"Mom, there are no sides. I want you two to get along, I love you both."

"I see I'm not wanted here. You would think that after everything that is going on Jesse you would have your own mother's back, but I guess not." she said getting up and storming out of the kitchen. Jesse quickly followed after her as I rolled my eyes. She had such a flair for drama, she should've been an actress.

I could hear him calling for her. I went to reach for a bottle of wine, knowing that I was going to need it to deal with this drama before I realized that I couldn't drink anymore. I put my hand on my stomach, even though there was not yet a baby bump. Since I couldn't have wine, I did buy my favorite brand of mocktails for moments like these. I went to the fridge and poured some into my favorite wine glass. I sat down waiting for Jesse to return. After ten minutes of just waitng there and sipping a mocktail, I got up and started looking for leftovers of the steak stir fry I made last night. I was pulling it out the frigde when Jesse came back in the kitchen.

"Um so, my mom is going to stay the night." he said.

"Why?" I asked as I slid the dish into the oven.

"I'm going to be honest I don't know why, it was the only way to stop her crying." he said rubbing his face as he sat down in our breakfast nook.

"Can you just go easy on her? I know she doesnt look like it but this whole thing is really stressing her out." He said.

"She's stressing me out." I said.

"Jay."

"Jess."

"JAY."

"What? Why am I always the one who has to play nice? I'm sick of it!" I said slamming my hand on the counter.

"You don't think I get sick of you both fighting constantly?" He said.

"If you don't want us to fight then don't allow her to disrespect me."

"I can't control what she does, she's my mother not my child. At least when my dad was here it was easier to keep the peace."

"I don't know what you want from me." I said. An awkward silence filled the room for a few minutes.

"It would be really impportant to me if you went with us on Friday to the old house. It's the last time me and Di and even Ciara is coming up, but it's our last time in the house before it's sold."

"What time?"

"I'll be there all day with Di because we still have to move some stuff out but whenever you get off would be great."

"I can do that, are you doing another gig this Saturday?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Cause I have a birthday party I have to go to, well I don't have to go to, but I should go to and I was hoping you would be able to go with me but since you have a gig I'll just ask Kiara."

"Sorry." He leaned back and closed his eyes.

"It's fine." I said.

"How are you feeling?" he asked as he opened his eyes.

"Annoyed."

"Jay."

"Jess."

"Can you just talk to me?" he said, getting up from the nook. He walked over to where I was standing and put his hands out for a hug, which I gladly accepted. I tucked my face into the side of his neck.

"M'sorry, I'm just tired Jess." I said into his neck.

"I know, baby."

"But I'm fine, Jess. How was your day?"

"Boring, a bunch of meetings and stuff, but I was thinking about the baby," he said as I put my hand on my belly.

"What about a baby?" Aiesha said as she walked back into the room. I quickly dropped my hand from my belly.

"Um, nothing mom, you know I always call her that." he said as we moved away from each other.

"Then why was her hand on her stomach?"

"No reason, I just happened to have my hand there, that all." I said. Of all people I didn't want to find out early, it was his mom. She would not keep it a secret at all.

"Okay, fine, don't tell me, I'll always find out." she said as she walked out. We let out a huge breath.

"That was close." He said.

"Yeah, where's Diana?" I said switching the topic, I didn't know where his mother was lurking around.

"She's at a sleepover, I have to pick her up in the morning." he said.

"Cool, I hope she has a good time she deserves it with all you guys have been through this summer."

"Damn straight."

I went to sit down at our breakfast nook when all of a sudden his mom burst into the kitchen shouting "I KNEW IT!" holding a paper in her hands.

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Jesse asked. My heart dropped.

"She is pregnant, it says so right here! I'm going to have another grandchild!" she shouted excitedly.

"What, what are you talking about?" I said. Hoping that we could keep it a secret just a little while longer.

"I found this test result just hanging around in Jesse's office. Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"Why were you in his office?" I asked.

"Nevermind that, when were you going to tell me that I had a grandchild coming?"

Jesse looked at me. I guess the secret is out. I gave him a look that pretty much said just tell her. I figured it would be less painful that way. He gave me a new favorite look, the "I'll make it up to you" look.

"Okay, mom, you caught us. Jay's pregnant. But you need to promise us that youre going to keep this a secret, we dont want to tell anyone right now."

"Why not tell everyone this is great news isnt it?"

"It is but mom, we've already been through a miscarriage before this and we just want to keep it quiet until we really know for sure."

"How could you not tell me that, Jess? I'm your mother, you could've told me!"

"Well it's not exactly something I wanted to talk about, even with you. But we would really appreciate it if you would keep it on the low."

"Awww baby, of course! You don't know what this means, especially during this time, after your father. My baby boy is having a baby! I'm so excited, for you both."

>>>>>>>>>>>

I hurried through the parking lot to my car. It was finally friday, the day that I was supposed to meet Jesse at his mom's old house. Ciara had drove all the way out here from Philly to be here. It wasn't supposed to be this big emotional thing but I guess that's what it turned into. Everybody wanted one last time to walk through the house they grew up in, except Shaun. Ciara heard from his wife that the loss hit Shuan hard, he didn't have it in him to visit the house. Which everyone understood, it had only been about three months, not even, since his dad died.

I called Jesse as I pulled out of the parking lot. The phone rang for a while until he finally picked up.

"Hey babe, did you guys get to the house yet?" I said.

"Yeah we all just got here, we have to clear out some boxes and then we'll do the final walk through. Are you just leaving?"

"Yeah, I'll be there in like twenty if traffic's not bad. How you feeling?"

"I'm okay, right now."

"Jess, don't bullshit me, I know you too well for that remember? What's really going on?"

He let out a heavy sigh. "It's going to be hard. I know we're just gonna bring up old shit and, I don't know how to feel about that."

"Well I got you Jess. It's important that you allow yourself to feel what you feel, Allow yourself to be sad."

"I know, I will, Just get here safe, love you."

"Love you too" I pushed the button on my steering wheel to hang up. This summer had taken so many twists and turns and it wasn't even over yet.

>>>>>>>>>>>

"And do you remember how Dad chased Shaun down the stairs and around the house? He was screaming stuff but he was so mad none of it made any sense." Ciara said.

Everyone in the room was bent over the counters as they laughed at the memory. I stood there behind Jesse's shaking back as he laughed so hard tears rolled down his cheeks. What we thought was going be a very sad and somber last trip turned out to be one of the funniest trips to the house. It was so weird seeing it empty. It was a strange contrast to be an the empty house with everyone laughing and joking and the lively energy it normally had.

Jesse's mom was somewhere upstairs making sure she had everything, we were all in the kitchen, enjoying our last moments here.

Diana smiled, and pointed to a burn spot on the wall.

"I Never noticed that, where was it from?" she asked. Jesse and Ciara exchanged a knowing look.

"You know where most of the damage in the house comes from? Shaun. Second place would go to either dad or Jesse, but most of the damage in this house comes from that idiot." Ciara said.

"Shaun fucked with the roaster, broke it months before thankgiving. Don't know what the hell he was trying to do with it, but he broke it. Mom never uses that thing during the year until thankgiving so she never noticed. She went to cook the turkey and the roaster caught on fire. That was the year we had fried chicken instead of turkey." Jesse explained.

"Me and Jesse both knew it was Shaun's fault so we blackmailed him for six months after that. Mom and dad thought it was just a freak accident and so did the insurance, so Shaun knew that if we told what happened it would've been over for his ass." Ciara said.

"That was a good six months." Jesse said.

"I remember when I found out you had a little crush on Jaleia." Ciara teased. Diana tried to stifle her giggle.

"Shut up, C." Jesse warned. He stood up straight.

"No, I wanna hear, what's this? Spill the tea." I said.

"Well since you insisted," Ciara said with a michevous look on her face. "Jesse was writing a song, and he wasn't expecting me to come home."

"We don't really need to-" Jesse started walking closer to Ciara.

"It was a cute song about having a crush on someone, I didn't let him know I heard it. Would you relax, this is a cute story, would you rather me tell the story of when I walked in on you pleasuring yourself?" She said as Jesse backed her into a wall.

"So you were never good at locking doors?" I said to Jesse.

"Hahaha, you're so funny." he sarcastically said as he briefly turned to face me.

"We will never speak of that day. Why are you like this? It's like you only want to embarrass me." He said to Ciara before backing up with his hands up.

"Because you are my baby brother, and I have to. Anyway, this was in high school, I don't even remember when but I was determined to find out who the song was about. I had some theories, but I couldn't really figure it out, being in college and all. But lucky for me, the homecoming dance was coming up and it was so late at night everyone was sleep except Jess, cause he was in his room practicing how he was going to ask you out!" she said.

"Awww, that's so cute!" I said to Jesse. He was trying to hide his face.

"You should've! I ended up spending most of the night with you!" I said.

"You were in love with Tyler, I didn't think you would say yes."

"So you chickened out? Cause I sure as hell wasn't in love with that boy. Don't play me like that cause you're embarrassed."

"I didn't chicken out, I just didn't think you would say yes." He said as I rolled my eyes. I flapped my arms like wing at him.

"Why did you and the Green bean fall out? Cause y'all made up after high school. You never told me." Ciara said.

"Because he stabbed me in the back. Guess who Imani Cheated on me with?" he said.

"Wait, wait, wait, wait, you NEVER told me that Tyler, Tyler, the guy we grew up with was the one that screwed your fiance?" I said to Jesse.

"I wasn't going to tell anyone. That shit's hella embarrassing." He said. Me and Ciara just stared at him with our mouths open. I couldn't believe this shit.

"We gon talk about this at home." I said.

"So anyone else got any memorires to discuss?" he said, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, like how the fuck the guy with three kids and no job managed to steal your girl Jess? And it was your best friend? Cause Damn, thats bad." Ciara laughed. She saw the pissed expression on Jesse's face and stopped laughing.

"Oh baby brother I'm not laughing at you, it just the stuation that's a little, you know what, it's not, it's not funny. Sorry." She said. She patted him on his shoulder as Di laughed in the background.

"And I don't know what Di is laughing at because we could be talking about her little boyfriend." Jesse said. Everyone turned and faced her as her jaw dropped.

"Jesse! Shut up!" Diana said. I already knew that Ciara was going to tear that girl apart.

"So what's this about having a little boyfriend, Di?" Ciara said as she walked over to Di.

"Nothing. I don't even have a boyfriend."

>>>>>>>>>>

I rest my head on Jesse's chest. We were back home after leaving from the house. I traced imaginary patterns on his chest as we let the air conditioning blast, with the TV lowly playing in the background. We spent so much time at that house, and eventually it did get kind of sappy and tears were shed but really, we had a really good time. I didn't realize how many memories I had in the house until tonight. Seeing Jesse and his sisters embarrass each other and bicker and fight, in a very weird way made me miss my own two sisters, I honestly hadn't even talked to them in a long time, which reminded me that I really needed to call my mother. And my father. I was such a horrible family member-who forgets to talk to their own family? Well it's not like I don't text them often, I just haven't called them, and it's not like I told them to move across the country. I have been so caught up in Jesse's family I kind of neglected my own.

"Whatcha thinking so hard about over there?"

"I am a terrible family member. I have to call like everyone in my family, I haven't spoken to anyone in so long."

"That doesn't make you horrible, it just means you've been busy"

"I feel so bad, I've been so wrapped up in everything going on over here I don't even know what's going on in my own family and that sucks. I have two nephews and when's the last time I even asked about them, I mean I did ask about them through text message but that's a shitty thing to do, just texting, I mean I am their aunt. My family must hate me I mean I never call or-" I was interrupted by Jesse kissing me. He pulled back and said,

"I'm just going to stop you there before you spiral any further. All you have to do to solve this is call them. None of your family live in this state, my family live closer than your and do you think I talk to mine every day?"

"I know I just feel bad and I kind of miss them, seeing you with your sisters, made me miss mine. And my mom and my dad."

"You know they're just one call away."

"Do you think your mom can keep the baby a secret?"

"We got maybe two weeks, three at the most."

>>>>>>>>>>>>

To Aiesha's credit she did keep it a secret.....for about a week. All of the sudden we started to get Congratulations and calls all from Jesse's side of the family, and then his brother and sister called, and they were PISSED that he didn't tell them. I think the only reason I wasn't mad about it was because after she found out she became the mother in law I had always wanted. She stopped insulting me, she started being respectful, she was a completely different person. I loved it and all I had to do is be pregnant? It was amazing. I knew it wasn't going to last though, she didn't just start liking me it was all because of the baby, I knew it but I was definitely going to take advantage of it. Jesse of course could never get mad at his mom for more than five seconds, but at least now we could tell everyone.

All we had to do now was tell my side of the family, cause I knew that if they found out from anyone else that I was pregnant all hell would break loose. So I skyped my mom. I watched it ring for a while. I was sitting on the couch while Jesse was washing the dishes. My heart was beating fast, I don't why I was so nervous to tell my mom, I guess once I told her it made it real. I actually had a baby growing inside me.

"JESSE, come here, I want you to be here when I tell my mom!" I shouted.

"Coming," he replied. I heard the water shut off and then his footsteps. My mom's face popped up into the screen.

"Finally you call. I could've been sick or something and you would never know because you don't call me." She said before I even had a chance to say anything.

"Hey mom. How are you?" I said.

"I'm okay, not that you would know, I haven't heard from you in so long. Texting doesn't count I want to hear your voice."

"Yes mom, I'm sorry, things have been really crazy here."

"Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, better than fine actually. Um, I have some news that I want to tell you."

"Okay, what is it?'

"Hey Mom!" Jess said, sitting next to me on the couch.

"Don't hey mom me, Jesse. What kind of son are you to let it go so long without me giving me a call? You're not exempt. What? I move down here and all of a sudden I don't deserve a damn call? I don't see a damn thing funny." she said as he tried to hide his smirk.

"Shanice, I'm sorry. Like Jay said, it has been really crazy here."

"How the hell would I know that if you don't call? And you miss doctor, don't even have the time to call your own sisters. What's that about? I raised you all to stay close no matter what and now you can't even pick up the phone to call your own sisters?"

"Mom, I'll do better, it's not even like that, it's just been crazy, it really has. I'll call them after you. But I really want to tell you the good news we have."

"Okay, what is it?" she said, finally relenting from the lecture. I looked at jesse.

"I'm pregnant!"

"We're pregnant!" We said. My mom was shocked. I never told her we were even trying so I know she wasn't expecting it and I wanted to really surprise her.

"Oh my God, are you serious?" she said with her hand over her mouth.

"Yeah, she really is." Jesse said smiling.

"I am so happy for you guys, God bless you and my grandchild! That is the best news." she said as she started tearing up.

"Don't cry ma, you're going to make me cry." I said trying not to cry myself.

"Aw, baby girl, I really am so happy for you both. I cannot wait to be a grandma again. I am so happy." she said as she wiped the tears away.

"I'm going to call you later mom, I just really wanted to tell you the good news. I'll talk to you later."

"Okay, love you both so much."

"Love you too mom."

"Love you Shanice, Bye!"

We hung up, I put my phone down on the coffee table.

"Your mom had the best reaction so far, it was cute." Jesse said as he engulfed me in a hug.

#love and marriage #original story #original writing #black characters #black writers #writers on tumblr

[deantvgirls]

DEAN TV GIRLS II: EPISODE   4⃣8⃣: GRAND CHILDRENS OF THE DEAN TV GIRLS IN TWENTY TWENTY

Hi and welcome to the final episode of Dean Tv girls 2, episode forty eight that is.

With eighty six episodes in total now for the Dean Tv girls, the series started last year in twenty nineteen. With series 1 with thirty eight episodes and in the second series we have forty eight.

Which makes eighty six episodes in total, thats a lot of episodes.

I’m writing this episode on the eighth of December twenty twenty but not the seventh cos I was sleeping agian, also using an app called JS paint.

On my computer, now time for this final episode for the second series. As it begins in the twenty seventies. The third generation of the Dean Tv girls Sophie III, Cath III and Laura III are on a mission to stop a villan who is trying to go back in time to our present (twenty twenty) trying rewrite history.

Sophie III, Cath III and Laura III are chasing in their futuristic car.

The villain is using a time rocket car to go back in time, the dash board in front of him reads out. The date saying the seventh of December twenty twenty, Monday.

His time rocket car speeded away and disapeared, the 3 girls were not happy. “He got away” said Cath III. “We need to use time machine teleporter to go back to the twenty twenty” said Sophie III. “Where do we find it?” asked Laura III. “At Craig’s old HQ” said Sophie III. “He doesn’t have it anymore” said Cath III.

The girls went to report to the Dean Tv police, the girls or should I say the grand daughters. The leader of the police force is not happy about the report. He is so angry at the grand daughters. Cath III wasnt having it, so she stormed off.

Sophie III and Laura III followed. “What a grump” said Cath III. “Dont say that, you might get fired” said Sophie III. “I know, he is always angry at people in the team” said Cath III. “Its no use, now history is going to be changed if we dont go back to twenty twenty” said Laura III. Till one day, the police ran out of the building by panicing. Saying that the leader has disapeared. “Oh no” said Cath III.

“You know what that means?, we have to go back in time to twenty twenty before the villlain will changed everything” said Laura III. As the 3 went to the abandon HQ filled with old apple trees. Sophie III found the time machine teleporter. “Its still works” said Laura III. “Set the date to the seventh of December twenty twenty please” said Cath III. They all went into the teleporter, they have been teleported, the year twenty seventy counted backwards to the year twenty twenty so fast.

The 3 arrived at the year twenty twenty, outside the Dean Tv girls apartment. Cath sees the 3 girls wearing their futuristic outfits. “Where you lot come from, a fancy dress party?” asked Cath. “No we are from the future, from twenty seventy” said Cath III. “We need your help Cath” said Cath III. “Hey how do you know my name?” asked Cath. “We are the relatives of the Dean Tv girls, you are my grand mother” said Cath III. “Really!?” asked Cath. “Yes” said Cath III. The 3 explained that the villain is in the year twenty twenty.

Laura meet the grand daughters for the first time, Sophie too later on that day. By the way the villian is changing the year twenty twenty. Some of the people have been zapped by his zapper. He has a list of people he is going to erased in the present day.

Brandon sees it happening in the news on Tv, holding Brandon Jr. “Go Sophie, I’ll take care of BJ” said Brandon. Sophie teamed up with Cath and Laura to help their grand daughters to stop the guy. The villian send his robots to fight them.

The girls fought the robots as Cath went after the villain by using her gadgets to fight. Then Cath jumps in front of the villan. He got confused seeing Cath and Cath III, with the same facial features with blonde hair. Cath III’s mum has black hair (Cath II) all the robots are in pieces. So the two Dean Tv girls team stopped the man and the mission is over.

The villan got captured in a capsule at the end, all the people started to reappear. Including the leader in the year twenty seventy. The leader of the police that is. The grand daughters erased the girls memories and everyone’s memories so they will not remember everything what happened. So Sophie III, Cath III and Laura III went back to the year twenty seventy. Checking that everything is good in the twenty seventies and in the twenty twenties.

Sophie III, Cath III and Laura III had a day off work. Cath III’s mood changed making herself feel happy. Ignoring leader’s anger. The next day the 3 of them went to the retirement place to Julie’s and Craig’s daughter to give out some christmas cards from other people. Meanwhile in the present day Dean and his friends finished watching Tv, watching an old cartoon what Dean used to be in. Titled Dean’s journeys, the cartoon ran from May two thousand and four to July two thousand and four.

“It wasnt called Dean’s journeys” said Dean. “What was it called?” asked Louise. “Something else” said Dean. “Do you remember?” asked Helena. “DJ Tokyo” said Dean.

“DJ Tokyo?, so who is DJ Tokyo?. We dont see him” said Shirley. “He is not a person, its just a name of a group, led by me” said Dean. “Oh okay” said Shirley. “But it has diffrent title now” said Helena. “Yeah to make it more sense for the people who watched the show back in the day, also the ones who havent seen it” said Dean.

“Good cartoon, shame it did not last long like the other cartoons you were in” said Louise. “Yeah I know but its a classic with that amazing theme tune by Dean dot com, also amazing sound effects” said Dean.

The Dean Tv girls heard of the cartoon as well, they watched for the first time in sixteen years. Seeing the fourteen year old Dean. Even the grand daughters of the Dean Tv girls are doing the same too. With Dean as an old man in his seventies.

So there you go, the final episode of Dean Tv girls 2. Tune for Dean Tv girls 3 in January twenty twenty one.

Sometime in January, I will confirm it later in the month of December before Christmas. Before new year.

So its goodbye to series 2, hello series 3.

DEAN TV GIRLS III coming January twenty twenty one.

End of episode 48

2:05:10.65

#dean tv girls 2

[phawareglobal]

Krosby Myers, BSN, RN - phaware® interview 352

Krosby Myers is a registered Nurse at UC San Diego Health System.  Though she works in their surgical oncology unit, Krosby had no idea that UCSD was a leading pulmonary hypertension center, until she was diagnosed with PH in her 37th week of pregnancy.  In this episode she discusses her journey to diagnosis and how her nursing perspective changed in light of becoming a patient.

My name is Krosby Myers. I am calling from San Clemente, California. My connection to pulmonary hypertension is that I'm a patient. I was diagnosed in 2019, when I was 37 weeks pregnant with my second child. I also actually work at UC San Diego Medical Center, where I was actually receiving my care and I still receive my care. But I work on a surgical oncology unit and we also treat patients who have had kidney and liver transplants. Throughout my pregnancy, actually, both of my pregnancies, I definitely felt short of breath and I thought it was due to my pregnancy and just being a little bit heavier with the baby weight. During the second pregnancy, every time I went to my OB appointments, my resting heart rate would be in the one teens, and my doctor just thought it was because I just went up the stairs. But I just was very short of breath, even walking from the car to the grocery store, I would have to take breaks. I still just thought it was due to my pregnancy. But thankfully my OB doctor at my 37 week appointment, she felt that I should just go into the hospital to get an EKG to be safe. Once I got that EKG that was abnormal, so that led to an echocardiogram, which showed I was in severe right heart failure. Then all the pulmonologists came in and told me how serious it was and that the next day I would have to get a right heart catheterization. That's when I was diagnosed and that started my whole PH journey. It was really scary when they first came in, when they saw my echo results. The first critical care pulmonologist that saw me, she wasn't a PH specialist and they came in to see me after her, but she definitely told me how complicated and dangerous it was. So at that point, even though I'm a nurse, I wasn't a cardiac nurse, and I just kind of broke down at that point, because I was so scared. All I knew about pulmonary hypertension was that most people needed lung transplants. All I could think about was I had a one and a half year old and I was 37 weeks pregnant with my second baby. She just kept saying, "This is so complicated." She wasn't a PH specialist. Once Dr. Papamatheakis came in to see me, he kind of gave me some hope and a different perspective. But they definitely made me very scared. They were talking about having to deliver the baby the next day. They were going back and forth with the plan, but ultimately they were trying to figure out if I needed a right heart catheterization. They decided that they wanted to go through with it even though I was 37 weeks pregnant. So the next day, I got my PICC line and then I went for my first right heart cath. They have the OB team in there, they were monitoring the baby. It was my first one, and I had to lay flat while I was pregnant. I was very anxious and I felt very out of breath, just laying flat and trying to hold still, and just not knowing what to expect. But thankfully, my pressures decreased when I got to nitrous gas, they decreased in half. So Dr. Papamatheakis was really excited about that, because I think it's only 10% of people with pulmonary hypertension respond to that gas. It's a good sign for how we respond to medication, so that kind of gave me a little bit of hope during a really scary diagnosis. Immediately, even during the right heart catheterization, they started me on Flolan in the cath lab. They decided the safest way to go was [to] start the Flolan. I was on that for as long as possible before I went into labor. The goal was to be on Flolan for two weeks. They had a set date, May 1st to have a plan to C-section. They wanted to optimize my pressures as much as possible. So every day, twice a day, I was titrating up on my Flolan. So for two weeks, I was in the hospital and I delivered at 39 weeks on my scheduled C-section date in the main OR. They had all the teams there. They had ECMO access in my groin just in case. My husband wasn't allowed in there. They had [an] arterial line. Everything was set up just in case something went wrong. But thankfully, I was awake and I didn't get intubated or anything during the C-section. It went very smoothly. I was on Flolan through a central line for four months. Then, I was able to transition to oral medications last August after my right heart cath. At first, it was really difficult. I had to stay for 25 days in the hospital and my husband had to take my newborn home with my one and a half year old. I also was learning how to mix my own medications at home and we had help, but it still was very difficult and scary being on Flolan continuously. Thankfully, now I'm on oral medications and I'm feeling a lot better. It's changed everything for me as a nurse. I have a whole different perspective, because I was a patient for so long. I'm so much more empathetic towards patients and family members, because I know what it's like to be in the hospital to be going through something that is so scary and there's so many unknowns. I wish every nurse could go through something where they could grow in their empathy, because it is scary. No matter any reason you're in the hospital, it is so scary to be there. I feel like nurses really need to grow in empathy, because these patients are going through so much. Actually, I've told one of the nurses, (one of the PH nurses at UCSD), Sandra Lombardi, I would love to mentor and encourage any new patients that come through and are going through a new diagnosis with pulmonary hypertension, because when I was a patient, Sandra brought up someone who was 15 years out from her diagnosis and was doing amazing. It really changed my whole perspective seeing that someone could survive and thrive with this diagnosis. I had no idea that UCSD was an amazing center for PH until I was diagnosed. I believe in God. I just feel like God put me there for a reason. I've worked for UCSD for six years. I started in Hillcrest and I moved to La Jolla and that's where all the PH doctors are. It's crazy that I actually work at a place and was able to receive care at one of the best PH centers in the U.S. I would just say, don't give up, never lose hope. You always have to change your perspective, because sometimes you find yourself so down, just thinking about how long do I have to live? Am I going to survive this? How am I going to leave my kids? You just have to listen to your doctors. Never give up hope, and continue to take it day by day and just live in the present. I really had to learn to do that. I had to ask in support groups for advice, see how other people were doing, because you can't Google this. You will get very depressed if you Google anything about pulmonary hypertension and see how long they give you online. You kind of have to live off the hope of other people in the beginning. I just wanted to thank my team, Dr. Papamatheakis, Cynthia, and Sandra, and everyone at UCSD that helped me get through my diagnosis and everyone that has encouraged me throughout this whole process. I would just encourage other people with pulmonary hypertension to give back because you never know when someone really needs that encouragement. My name is Krosby Myers and I'm aware that I'm rare. Learn more about pulmonary hypertension trials at www.phaware.global/clinicaltrials. Never miss an episode with the phaware® podcast app. Follow us @phaware on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, YouTube & Linkedin Engage for a cure: www.phaware.global/donate #phaware #ClinicalTrials

Listen and View more on the official phaware™ podcast site

#pulmonary hypertension #phaware #rare disease #lung disease #clinical trials #podcast #PH #asthma

[topazshadowwolf]

Once you get this you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favorite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool~) :D

I was tagged by @goosygander (who is an amazing person and artist who you should be following if you’re not.)

Huh... 5 things I like about myself huh?

I like my creativity

I like how patient I am with people. I can lose my temper pretty quick, but I always step back and wait till I have a cooler head before I do something.

I like writing... which is odd to say because I also hate it. But I do like it.

I like my compassion for those in need.

I like my motherly tendencies, though I keep that in check. I can be mothering everyone.

I wont tag you back Goosy, but you are a favorite. I love all my followers though, so if you see this and don’t see yourself tagged, still go for it and let me know. I’d love to see!

@blaiddsumu My first follower who has also been super supportive of every hair brained idea I’ve had. This Tumblr is still here thanks to Blaidd.

@poisondilu You’re supportive comments on my fics have always been so helpful and I’ve enjoyed getting to know you!

@diamondsareapearlsbestfriend You’re writing top notch, and I was so happy to get to know you via replies on here, then even more on the discord.

@smashedkittkate Kate, I’m so happy you started following. I’ve enjoyed talking soriel with you over the Tumblr messenger and now the server!

@obsessedkatie Katie, you’ve become one of my closest friends, and I’m thankful for getting to know you. You’re wonderful and your are is beautiful. Thank you so much!

@upperstories We haven’t talked as much as we used to, but I still think of you as a good friend. Thank you for all the fun chats we had, for beta reading False Hope chapters, and the wonderful art you create. I hope we can chat again more.

@onlycath I wish I was better at dancing games. If I was, I’d totally want to play Just Dance with you if we met. Heck, maybe I still will, and you can watch this uncoordinated person stumble over her own feet. Anyway, you’re awesome Cath.

@xxbananaflavoredshroomxx SHROOM! I’m going to tell you again how much I love talking to you and how happy I am that I’ve met you via soriel. I think we just talked about this on Amino. I love you’re art too, and I’m still grinning like an idiot at the fan art you gave me the other day.

@mintkupocream You’re such a fun person, Mint. I still have my eye on you, you wont be taking over the discord on my watch. And just like a bunch of others on this list, you’re art is so beautiful, and I love your comic.

@sanolyn I love your stories, Sano. You’re a very sweet and kind person, and I’m happy we got to met through the server!

There are so many other people I would love to add to this list... but I wont in hopes that someone else will pick you, or as I said, just go for it and let me know!

#stuff about me

[perfectzablog]

Buying College Essays Is Now Easier Than Ever. But Buyer Beware

As the recent college admissions scandal is shedding light on how parents are cheating and bribing their children’s way into college, schools are also focusing on how some students may be cheating their way through college. Concern is growing about a burgeoning online market that makes it easier than ever for students to buy essays written by others to turn in as their own work. And schools are trying new tools to catch it.

It’s not hard to understand the temptation for students. The pressure is enormous, the stakes are high and, for some, writing at a college level is a huge leap.

“We didn’t really have a format to follow, so I was kind of lost on what to do,” says one college freshman, who struggled recently with an English assignment. One night, when she was feeling particularly overwhelmed, she tweeted her frustration.

“It was like, ‘Someone, please help me write my essay!’ ” she recalls. She ended her tweet with a crying emoji. Within a few minutes, she had a half-dozen offers of help.

“I can write it for you,” they tweeted back. “Send us the prompt!”

The student, who asked that her name not be used for fear of repercussions at school, chose one that asked for $10 per page, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“For me, it was just that the work was piling up,” she explains. “As soon as I finish some big assignment, I get assigned more things, more homework for math, more homework for English. Some papers have to be six or 10 pages long. … And even though I do my best to manage, the deadlines come closer and closer, and it’s just … the pressure.”

In the cat-and-mouse game of academic cheating, students these days know that if they plagiarize, they’re likely to get caught by computer programs that automatically compare essays against a massive database of other writings. So now, buying an original essay can seem like a good workaround.

“Technically, I don’t think it’s cheating,” the student says. “Because you’re paying someone to write an essay, which they don’t plagiarize, and they write everything on their own.”

Her logic, of course, ignores the question of whether she’s plagiarizing. When pressed, she begins to stammer.

“That’s just a difficult question to answer,” she says. “I don’t know how to feel about that. It’s kind of like a gray area. It’s maybe on the edge, kind of?”

Besides she adds, she probably won’t use all of it.

Other students justify essay buying as the only way to keep up. They figure that everyone is doing it one way or another — whether they’re purchasing help online or getting it from family or friends.

“Oh yeah, collaboration at its finest,” cracks Boston University freshman Grace Saathoff. While she says she would never do it herself, she’s not really fazed by others doing it. She agrees with her friends that it has pretty much become socially acceptable.

“I have a friend who writes essays and sells them,” says Danielle Delafuente, another Boston University freshman. “And my other friend buys them. He’s just like, ‘I can’t handle it. I have five papers at once. I need her to do two of them, and I’ll do the other three.’ It’s a time management thing.”

The war on contract cheating

“It breaks my heart that this is where we’re at,” sighs Ashley Finley, senior adviser to the president for the Association of American Colleges and Universities. She says campuses are abuzz about how to curb the rise in what they call contract cheating. Obviously, students buying essays is not new, but Finley says that what used to be mostly limited to small-scale side hustles has mushroomed on the internet to become a global industry of so-called essay mills. Hard numbers are difficult to come by, but research suggests that up to 16 percent of students have paid someone to do their work and that the number is rising.

“Definitely, this is really getting more and more serious,” Finley says. “It’s part of the brave new world for sure.”

The essay mills market aggressively online, with slickly produced videos inviting students to “Get instant help with your assignment” and imploring them: “Don’t lag behind,” “Join the majority” and “Don’t worry, be happy.”

“They’re very crafty,” says Tricia Bertram Gallant, director of the Academic Integrity Office at the University of California in San Diego and a board member of the International Center for Academic Integrity.

The companies are equally brazen offline — leafleting on campuses, posting flyers in toilet stalls and flying banners over Florida beaches during spring break. Companies have also been known to bait students with emails that look like they’re from official college help centers. And they pay social media influencers to sing the praises of their services, and they post testimonials from people they say are happy customers.

“I hired a service to write my paper and I got a 90 on it!” gloats one. “Save your time, and have extra time to party!” advises another.

“It’s very much a seduction,” says Bertram Gallant. “So you can maybe see why students could get drawn into the contract cheating world.”

YouTube has been cracking down on essay mills; it says it has pulled thousands of videos that violate its policies against promoting dishonest behavior.

But new videos constantly pop up, and their hard sell flies in the face of their small-print warnings that their essays should be used only as a guide, not a final product.

Several essay mills declined or didn’t respond to requests to be interviewed by NPR. But one answered questions by email and offered up one of its writers to explain her role in the company, called EduBirdie.

“Yes, just like the little birdie that’s there to help you in your education,” explains April Short, a former grade school teacher from Australia who’s now based in Philadelphia. She has been writing for a year and a half for the company, which bills itself as a “professional essay writing service for students who can’t even.”

Some students just want some “foundational research” to get started or a little “polish” to finish up, Short says. But the idea that many others may be taking a paper written completely by her and turning it in as their own doesn’t keep her up at night.

“These kids are so time poor,” she says, and they’re “missing out on opportunities of travel and internships because they’re studying and writing papers.” Relieving students of some of that burden, she figures, allows them to become more “well-rounded.”

“I don’t necessarily think that being able to create an essay is going to be a defining factor in a very long career, so it’s not something that bothers me,” says Short. Indeed, she thinks students who hire writers are demonstrating resourcefulness and creativity. “I actually applaud students that look for options to get the job done and get it done well,” she says.

“This just shows you the extent of our ability to rationalize all kinds of bad things we do,” sighs Dan Ariely, professor of psychology and behavioral economics at Duke University. The rise in contract cheating is especially worrisome, he says, because when it comes to dishonest behavior, more begets more. As he puts it, it’s not just about “a few bad apples.”

“Instead, what we have is a lot … of blemished apples, and we take our cues for our behavior from the social world around us,” he says. “We know officially what is right and what’s wrong. But really what’s driving our behavior is what we see others around us doing” or, Ariely adds, what we perceive them to be doing. So even the proliferation of advertising for essays mills can have a pernicious effect, he says, by fueling the perception that “everyone’s doing it.”

A few nations have recently proposed or passed laws outlawing essay mills, and more than a dozen U.S. states have laws on the books against them. But prosecuting essay mills, which are often based overseas in Pakistan, Kenya and Ukraine, for example, is complicated. And most educators are loath to criminalize students’ behavior.

“Yes, they’re serious mistakes. They’re egregious mistakes,” says Cath Ellis, an associate dean and integrity officer at the University of New South Wales, where students were among the hundreds alleged to have bought essays in a massive scandal in Australia in 2014.

“But we’re educational institutions,” she adds. “We’ve got to give students the opportunity to learn from these mistakes. That’s our responsibility. And that’s better in our hands than in the hands of the police and the courts.”

Staying one step ahead

In the war on contract cheating, some schools see new technology as their best weapon and their best shot to stay one step ahead of unscrupulous students. The company that makes the Turnitin plagiarism detection software has just upped its game with a new program called Authorship Investigate.

The software first inspects a document’s metadata, like when it was created, by whom it was created and how many times it was reopened and re-edited. Turnitin’s vice president for product management, Bill Loller, says sometimes it’s as simple as looking at the document’s name. Essay mills typically name their documents something like “Order Number 123,” and students have been known to actually submit it that way. “You would be amazed at how frequently that happens,” says Loller.

Using cutting-edge linguistic forensics, the software also evaluates the level of writing and its style.

“Think of it as a writing fingerprint,” Loller says. The software looks at hundreds of telltale characteristics of an essay, like whether the author double spaces after a period or writes with Oxford commas or semicolons. It all gets instantly compared against a student’s other work, and, Loller says, suspicions can be confirmed — or alleviated — in minutes.

“At the end of the day, you get to a really good determination on whether the student wrote what they submitted or not,” he says, “and you get it really quickly.”

Coventry University in the U.K. has been testing out a beta version of the software, and Irene Glendinning, the school’s academic manager for student experience, agrees that the software has the potential to give schools a leg up on cheating students. After the software is officially adopted, “we’ll see a spike in the number of cases we find, and we’ll have a very hard few years,” she says. “But then the message will get through to students that we’ve got the tools now to find these things out.” Then, Glendinning hopes, students might consider contract cheating to be as risky as plagiarizing.

In the meantime, schools are trying to spread the word that buying essays is risky in other ways as well.

Professor Ariely says that when he posed as a student and ordered papers from several companies, much of it was “gibberish” and about a third of it was actually plagiarized.

Even worse, when he complained to the company and demanded his money back, they resorted to blackmail. Still believing him to be a student, the company threatened to tell his school he was cheating. Others say companies have also attempted to shake down students for more money, threatening to rat them out if they didn’t pay up.

The lesson, Ariely says, is “buyer beware.”

But ultimately, experts say, many desperate students may not be deterred by the risks — whether from shady businesses or from new technology.

Bertram Gallant, of UC San Diego, says the right way to dissuade students from buying essays is to remind them why it’s wrong.

“If we engage in a technological arms race with the students, we won’t win,” she says. “What are we going to do when Google glasses start to look like regular glasses and a student wears them into an exam? Are we going to tell them they can’t wear their glasses because we’re afraid they might be sending the exam out to someone else who is sending them back the answers?”

The solution, Bertram Gallant says, has to be about “creating a culture where integrity and ethics matter” and where education is valued more than grades. Only then will students believe that cheating on essays is only cheating themselves.

Copyright 2019 NPR. To see more, visit https://www.npr.org.

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