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stinkyme · 1 year

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Hello! This is fic requested by my lovely May, I really hope you like it and enjoy, but especially you my darling, this is little birthday present so I really hope you enjoy it the most and happy birthday my love, I wish you all the best and I wish for all of your wishes to come true, you are so special and wonderful, I love you so much :) <3 (@lovingbsd )

CW/TW: NSFW, fem!reader, insecure reader, cursing, compliments and reassurance before and during sex for the reader, slow build up, body worship, praise, slight oral!fem receiving, soft/romantic sex, creampie, if I forgot anything please let me know :) <3

I apologize for any mistakes in advance! :)

You are the only one || Nakahara Chuuya x Reader

Chuuya and you went out to buy a few things, he wanted a new hat and you wanted to buy new mangas and similar things. Once you finished with your own shopping, the two of you headed to Chuuya's favorite shop where he would always buy hats and accessories. You went around the store looking at all types of hats and giggled a bit when you would see some funky, theatral ones with feathers and all types of accessories imagining Chuuya in them. Chuuya was in a row away from yours and you heard a female voice talking to him.

"Can I help you with anything sir?" she asked Chuuya, her tone was friendly and polite.

"Actually yes, I was looking for one of the hats I saw on your website, it's black fedora that also has black leather strip around. Hold on, let me show you a picture." Chuuya answered in a normal, equally polite tone. He showed the lady the picture as you kept looking around, unsure about joining their conversation.

"Ah! I know, let me show you, follow me." she answered happily and you could hear them taking a few steps around their row.

"That's the one." she said politely as she handed Chuuya the hat. You were peeking as much as you could trying to follow up. Chuuya was standing near the mirror and examined the hat in his hands. You slowly moved to the edge of the row and you were standing there, still unsure about joining them.

"I don't see why someone like you would wear hats." she said in a flirtatious tone as she looked him up and down.

"Excuse me?" Chuuya asked her as annoyance appeared in his voice.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he followed with another question as he raised an eyebrow to her.

"Ah, no, no. I don't mean anything malicious by that. I just don't think a man as handsome as you would need any additional accessories besides, maybe, a nice lady." she smiled at him softly as she put hand on her chest.

"That's idiotic comparison. Hats are hats. Ladies are ladies." he said in a disinterested tone as he continued to observe his hat.

"It was a metaphor, sir." she said, still adamant about trying to seduce him.

"It was a damn stupid one." he said as he shot her a look of disapproval.

"I apologize, it wasn't my intention. I just wanted to give you a compliment about how a handsome man like you doesn't need a hat or anything else to look better." she said in a flirtatious but firm tone, still adamant to seduce him. You were always secure in Chuuya's love and loyalty, he always made sure for you to know how much he loves and appreciates you, but you couldn't shake off an uneasy feeling this conversation gave you. Chuuya drew attention everywhere he would go but he never returned it back, the only person who ever got his attention was you, but it was still hard to shake off the feeling and thoughts that were going inside your head as you watched them. Chuuya could have practically anyone he wants, so why you?

"I simply like hats." he said in a bored tone as he looked towards you, his eyes lighting up as a little smirk appeared on his face.

"There you are! Are we playing hide and seek now, ha?" he said in a teasing tone as you got the strength to walk towards two of them. You put on an insecure smile as you approached them, Chuuya's hand immediately taking yours as he held the hat in another. You could see the lady observing you up and down, analyzing every part of your outfit, figure, face, hair - absolutely everything, making you even more uneasy.

"Tell me, what do you think?" Chuuya asked you as he put his hat on.

"I think you look good, Chuu." you giggled out.

"Quite handsome I must say." the lady spoke at the same time as you, making your tummy twirl.

"Thank you, Y/N. I think it's simple, but still versatile when it comes to clothes, you know?" Chuuya completely ignored the lady, his full attention was on you and you nodded at him, smiling softly.

"So...are you sure you like that one?" she asked in a questioning, slightly mocking tone.

"Indeed, I think it's perfect." he said as he squeezed your hand.

"Suit yourself." she scoffed, making you feel very uncomfortable, but you still kept a smile on your face because you didn't want Chuuya to doubt something. Two of you paid for the hat and went home on his motorcycle. Ride was silent as usual, but this time due to your overthinking about this whole situation. It stung, you can't lie about it and as much as you trust Chuuya, you still couldn't understand why you. He could have anyone, so why you? When you would look at yourself you would think you are not that bad, but still, is that good enough for Chuuya? Insecurities kept resurfacing in your mind the whole time and even as two of you were walking home, you stayed awfully silent. Chuuya knew something was wrong, he wasn't an idiot, however he didn't ask anything yet. Two of you finally entered your shared apartment and took your shoes off, unpacked the things and freshed up a bit. You couldn't say anything yet as you went to the bedroom to leave new things you got for yourself. Chuuya came right after you, his body leaning on the door frame, arms crossed as he observed you.

"Cut the crap. What's wrong?" he asked you in a slightly firm tone.

"Huh? Nothing is wrong." you said quickly as you kept looking for new things to do in the room so you don't have to face him.

"That's crap. I said cut the crap, so what's wrong Y/N?" he kept pressuring you and you remained silent, still looking for something to do.

"You have been acting weird since we left the store. Is it the hat? I will throw it away if you don't like it, but don't act like this." he said in a calmer tone, his body still leaning on the door frame.

"It's not about the hat." you giggled out a bit due to the conclusion he made.

"Then what is?" he asked you as he observed your intense body language.

"It's dumb." you chuckled out as your tummy and chest kept burning from nervosity.

"It doesn't matter, I still want to know." he said in a firm but genuine tone as you looked at him, his gaze was firm and genuine too. You sighed out, positioning yourself on the bed. You sat down and took one deep breath before you spoke.

"Okay. Um..it's about the lady from the store." you said shyly as you kept your gaze on your hands.

"Oh. What about her?" you could hear relief and disinterest in Chuuya's voice.

"Well..she was flirting with you..and then she observed me like I am some idiot." your voice was quiet and weak as you choked words out.

"And?" Chuuya asked you, genuinely not understanding.

"And...I don't know. I don't doubt your loyalty, I just see people flirting with you left and right everywhere we go and I don't mind it...for most of the time." you made a quick pause.

"It just...it just makes me think sometimes. There are so many wonderful people out there, so many beautiful people, so...why me?" you finished your sentence as you looked up at him, slight sadness filling up your eyes. He was looking at you and swiftly closed his eyes for a second as he took a deep breath, his body moving away from the door frame as he came to you. He positioned himself on one knee in front of you, looking up at you, eyes filled with nothing but love and understanding.

"I can't stop people from being annoying pain in the ass, you know?" he chuckled, trying to lift up the mood a bit.

"If I am being completely honest with you..I do not care. I do not care one bit. I do not care about that girl or anyone else besides you on that matter. They all annoy me most of the time and I just wish I could have this whole world with only you in it, but I can't. So sometimes, we will have to deal with annoying pieces of shit, however, I want you to know that you are the only one." he emphasized the last of his words as you remained silent, looking in his eyes.

"You are the most beautiful, angelic creature I've laid my eyes on and you are the only one that I don't hate or find annoying in some sense. You are everything to me and you will always be. If there's something I don't want you to doubt in this life that would be yourself. You can doubt my loyalty if you want to, but I will always prove you otherwise. However, you can't doubt yourself. That's one thing I won't allow because you are absolutely perfect for me, Y/N." he said as his voice and eyes softened.

"You are perfect as you are. Do you understand?" he asked you in a gentle tone and you nodded, your tummy filled with warmth as you were smiling softly at him, unsure what to say yet. However, Chuuya had a different idea.

"Something tells me you didn't quite get it yet, angel." Chuuya said in a slightly darker tone as he got up and cupped your face with his hand.

"How about I show you?" he whispered out as he leaned towards you, his eyes low as his lips softly pressed yours. You were still smitten by all of his reassuring words and sudden change in his behavior got you completely captivated. You closed your eyes as you wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him in and deepening the kiss. Your tongues quickly adjusted to each other's pace, making the kiss deep, passionate and soft. Chuuya's hands slowly worked their way down his vest, unbuttoning it and letting it slide down his arms and drop on the floor. He undid his shirt and slowly pulled away from the kiss to take it off completely. Your face was slightly flushed and as Chuuya was slowly leaning back down you pulled him in by his choker, your lips quickly meeting his, making kiss deep and passionate once again. His hands moved down your body, gently squeezing your waist as he moved them lower, his fingers slowly snaking under the edges of your shirt. He lifted your shirt up and two of you broke a kiss for a quick second as he was pulling it up, your arms following his movement to help him. He took your shirt off and dropped it on the floor and sat down next to you, grabbing your thighs and swiftly positioning you in his lap. You continued the kiss as his hands were gently brushing up and down your back, making you shiver. You slowly moved your hips back and forth, grinding on his already hardened cock as you deepened the kiss by cupping his jaw and pulling him in. He slowly pulled away from the kiss, his eyes low as he swiftly unhooked your bra, your arms following as he dragged it down, throwing it on the floor. He wrapped his arms around your waist as his lips brushed over your sensitive nipple, he started gently sucking it between his teeth. You let out a small pleasurable gasp as your hands tangled in his hair. He swiftly turned around, moving you with him and positioning you on your back underneath him. His lips found your nipple once again, gently sucking on it as his hands traced outlines of your figure. You slowly threw your head back deeper in the pillow as soft moans left your lips. Chuuya slowly pulled away kissing the skin between your breasts as he moved to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment. He was gently sucking on it as his tongue would brush over it from time to time, making you quiver. His hands gently squeezed your waist as you wrapped your legs around his hips, pulling him in. He smirked into your skin and slowly pulled away, leaving your sensitive and wet nipple alone. He gently unwrapped your legs, positioning them next to him, hands resting on your knees.

"Be patient, angel." he whispered out as his hands slided down your thighs and he undid the button and zipper of your pants. You smiled shyly, lifting your legs and hips up, helping Chuuya to take your pants off. He got off the bed, leaving your pants on a nearby chair, taking his own pants off afterwards. You could see the outline of Chuuya's hardened cock on his boxers as he came back to bed. He positioned himself between your legs, his hips pressing into you making you feel his hard cock on your pussy. You quivered as he leaned into your neck, gently brushing over your skin with his lips. He started kissing you slowly, from the back of your ear tracing his way down your soft neck, leaving soft, ticklish breaths behind. He continued kissing you below your Adam's apple and moved to the other side, leaving soft, slow kisses up your neck and ending them right behind your ear. He was tracing his kisses back down, leaving one swift kitten lick in the middle making you quiver as he moved down to your collarbones. He was softly kissing every inch of them, slowly moving from one side to another as his hands wrapped around your waist.

"You are so beautiful, you know?" he whispered into your skin as he moved down, placing kisses on one of your breasts, slowly moving to the other one, tracing his way with soft kisses and gave your other breast the same treatment.

"Everything about you is perfect." he whispered once again as he continued moving down, leaving kisses just below your chest area, starting from the edge of one of your ribs, moving over your tummy to the other side. He moved down again, placing soft, thoughtful kisses down the middle of your tummy.

"You are so beautiful. You are an angel." he softly whispered through kisses. As he moved up, his face near yours once again.

"Your face." he whispered and placed a kiss on your cheek and moved down.

"Your neck." he repeated the same thing, leaving a gentle kiss behind. He continued, slowly.

"Your collarbones." kisses.

"..."

"Your shoulders." kisses.

"..."

"Your breasts." kisses.

"..."

"Your arms." kisses.

"..."

"Your tummy." kisses.

"Everything about you is like it was made exactly for me, angel." he whispered out as he moved between your legs, gently wrapping his arms and hands around your thighs. He started placing gentle kisses from the bottom of your thigh, near your crotch, slowly up to your knee. His nose and soft breath gently brushed over your skin alongside soft lips, making you shiver. He slowly got up, moving your leg up by your ankle, placing more kisses on your calf.

"Never forget that. You are the only one." he whispered through the kisses as he traced them back down, over your calf and down your thigh. His lips reached your crotch and he placed a soft kiss on your clothed pussy, making you tremble. He smirked as he moved to your other thigh, repeating the process of covering your whole leg in soft, passionate, loving kisses. He placed one last kiss on your ankle and positioned himself between your legs once again, one of his arms wrapping around your leg, meanwhile fingers of his other hand gently brushed over your clothed pussy making you quiver.

"You are the only one for me, angel." he whispered out as his fingers gently moved between your pussy and the edge of your panties, pulling them aside. He observed your exposed pussy with lustful eyes and leaned it, giving your needy clit one swift lick, making you tremble. He chuckled as he placed his tongue on it and started licking it at a steadier pace. He was moving his tongue in slow, but firm circles making you gasp out as your hips slowly moved to meet his movement. He moved his fingers down to your wet inner lips, slowly teasing your entrance as his tongue kept the same pace. He pushed two of his fingers inside you, slowly stretching you out, a low moan leaving your throat. He curled them up, pressing your sensitive spot and started moving at a medium pace. You kept whimpering softly as his tongue and fingers kept their tempo. You closed your eyes, enjoying the sensation of his soft, wet tongue circling on your clit as his fingers kept gently pressuring your sensitive spot. You started moving your hips to meet his movement, already deeply aroused as your pussy clenched around his slim fingers. He squeezed your thigh slightly harder as the tip of his tongue started moving in a faster manner on your swollen, needy clit as his fingers kept the same pace inside your wet cunt. Soft moans left your throat as you could feel release slowly building up inside you. He moved away from your clit for a second, his fingers lazily pressing your g-spot.

"You are doing such a good job for me angel." he whispered out, placing a soft kiss on your needy spot.

"But I'm not-" you tried to whisper out but he cut you off.

"You are. Just stay like that for me, okay?" he whispered out softly as he lifted himself up, kneeling between your legs and you could see a small stain of precum on his boxers. He pulled them down, exposing his hard cock as he gave it a few slow strokes. He looked into your eyes, his gaze filled with neediness and passion as he slowly positioned himself, aligning his cock with your entrance as he moved it up and down, covering his tip in your juices and dragged it up to your clit, moving it in small circles. You were whimpering out, earning a light chuckle from Chuuya who was teasing you like that for a bit and finally slided it back down and slowly pushed his cock inside you. Both of you gasped out at sensations as he slowly moved his hips forward, his cock entering deep inside you. He leaned down and softly kissed your lips as he started thrusting in a slow pace inside you, making you feel every inch of his cock. Your lips parted, soft moans escaping your throat as he let a little satisfied whine out and pressed his lips on yours again. His tongue quickly found yours as one of his hands cupped your soft cheek, thumb brushing over it. You wrapped your legs around his hips and leaned more into him, deepening the kiss as he kept his pace inside you, making you moan into his mouth. He gently pulled away, face inch away from yours, his hand still softly caressing your cheek.

"I love every sound that you make." he whispered out in a low, raspy voice as two of his fingers traced down your cheek, over your jaw, neck, shoulder, breast and down your waist. He gently squeezed one of your thighs that was wrapped around him as his lips brushed over your neck, placing a soft kiss. He started sucking gently making you quiver as his pace inside you slightly fastened, making you squeeze him tighter with your legs. Soft moans left your throat as he let out pleased sounds in the skin of your neck.

"Ah, you truly are like heaven." he whispered into your skin, placing a small kiss on a little mark he made as he slowed down his thrusts for a bit.

"Thank you, Chuu. For everything." you said shyly as you squeezed him a bit tighter with your legs. He pulled away from your neck and faced you.

"Don't thank me angel, just promise me something. Next time you get those thoughts, remember that you are the one who is fully covered in my kisses and you always will be." he whispered out as soft blush spreaded over your cheeks. You nodded, looking deep into his eyes.

"I love you, Chuu." you whispered out and he smiled softly.

"I love you too angel, now let me take good care of you." he whispered back as he started thrusting a bit faster making you gasp out at sensation. He pulled away from you and gently unwrapped your legs and put them on his shoulders as he kept thrusting, continuously pressing your sensitive spots inside. His hands gently rubbed up and down your thighs as he narrowed his hips, thrusting deeper inside you as whimpers left your throat. He was moaning softly as he kept his pace, slowly moving one of your legs down next to him and pushing it further with his hand and spreading you out more. Your whimpers got louder as he started moving faster, soft moans leaving his throat as he started twitching inside you. His hand slowly slided down your thigh, resting on your lower tummy. He narrowed himself a bit more, thrusting deep inside you making you grasp the sheets from the intense pleasure. He moaned softly as his hand pressed your lower tummy, feeling himself move in and out of you which made his cock twitch from excitement. You let out a soft gasp out as he kept pressuring your sensitive spot, his hand adding additional pressure and making you feel him completely inside you. He softly moved his thumb on your needy clit, drawing steady, medium paced circles on it, making you quiver from sudden sensation. He kept thrusting inside you, he wasn't rough but he was going faster now and twitch every time your pussy clenched around him. He was whimpering out as his lickerish but loving gaze fixated on your face making you clench around him once more as heat started building up inside your lower tummy from all the sensations.

"You are being such a good girl for me." he said through a slightly needier voice than usual making you clench around him once more. He gasped out from sensation as his cock twitched inside you and he started thrusting even faster inside you as his thumb kept stimulating your clit in the same, steady pace. Louder moans kept leaving your throat as you felt getting closer to your orgasm with every movement he made, you could feel him completely inside you as his tip kept pressuring your g-spot as well as his thumb on your needy clit. You moved your head back deeper into the pillow as your grip on the sheets tightened, another wave of precum leaking on Chuuya's cock as you were getting closer to your release.

"Keep-, ah, going-" you moaned out as you messily moved your hips to match his rhythm, chasing your orgasm.

"Anything for you, love." he said quickly as he kept his pace, sounds of your skins gently slamming into each other, his whimpers and your moans filling up the room. You could feel heat building up inside you intensely, your eyes rolling back from incoming orgasm. Chuuya was whimpering and getting closer himself, still twitching inside you as he kept stimulating your g-spot and clit at the same time. His whimpers were making you go over the edge as you felt his twitching cock pressing your sensitive spots and with few more thrusts and soft circles on your clit you could feel heat slowly bursting inside you as your moans filled up the room, intense orgasm making your whole body tremble. You squeezed the sheets tightly as Chuuya kept his pace, whimpering louder as your wet pussy stimulated him more. You could feel your orgasm slowly melting away as you kept whimpering as you were more sensitive than before. Chuuya swiftly moved his thumb away from your clit and slowed down his movement, letting you calm down more as he put your leg down, placing it next to him. He gently put his hands on your knees and once your breathing calmed down a bit, he started thrusting faster making you tremble from slight oversensitivity. He was whimpering out as his cock kept twitching inside your wet cunt and he swiftly positioned himself over you, his soft lips next to your ear.

"You are, aah, a-all I need, Y/N." he whispered through broken whimpers as you clenched around his needy cock, getting him closer to his orgasm. Soft moans were leaving your parted lips and Chuuya made a few faster thrusts making you moan out loudly, earning a little smirk from him as his lips swiftly met yours. Two of you were making out messily, moaning and whimpering into each other's mouth as your hands gently cupped Chuuya's face. You bit his bottom lip and you could feel his cock pulsate inside you as his thrusts became messier. He was whimpering quickly and messy as he was chasing his own orgasm that was building inside him. You kept making out and with a few more thrusts Chuuya sharply whimpered into your mouth, his chest going up and down at a quick pace and you could feel his warm cum fill you up inside. You quivered from sensations as Chuuya pulled away, his chest rising and falling quickly as he slowed down his movement, coming off of his high. He completely slowed down his movement, softly fucking his cum into you before pulling out completely, making sure he doesn't make a mess. He placed a soft kiss on your forehead before laying next to you, calming down from his intense orgasm. You turned around and placed your head on his chest as you wrapped your arm around him.

"Feeling better now?" he asked in a soft tone as he started stroking your hair.

"Much better." you said through a little giggle, closing your eyes to focus on Chuuya's steady heartbeat and his gentle strokes.

"I love you, Chuu. You are the only one for me too, please know that." you whispered out as you squeezed him tightly.

"I love you too, angel." he said softly, making a small pause.

"Thank you for saying so, I truly can't find or see myself with anyone else but you, Y/N." he whispered out as you looked up at him, his gaze was warm and genuine.

"Me neither, love." you smiled softly, giving him a reassuring look.

"So, do you want to take a shower and then you can read me some of the stuff you bought?" he asked you as his lips curled into a gentle smile.

"Sounds good to me." you smiled back and got up to place a soft kiss on his lips, two of you spending the rest of the night enjoying each other like only two of you exist in this world.

The End :)

Thank you for all the love and support you showed me so far, I really appreciate it! :) <3

Happy birthday my sweet May, I hope that you enjoyed this, I love you beyond words :D <3

Huge kisses on the forehead for everyone!! :3 <3

#bsd fic #chuuya nakahara x yn #chuuya nakahara x reader #bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara smut #chuuya nakahara x reader smut #chuuya x reader #chuuya x reader smut #chuuya x yn smut #HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY LOVELY MAY!! <3

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sanest-bsd-delegate · 1 year

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"MOM! OUR DOG IS ON THE CEILING AGAIN"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUUYA ISTG IF U DIE ILL MAKE SURE TO PERSONALLY MAKE OUT WITH DAZAI IN FRONT OF YOU-

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chuuya-s-hat22 · 8 months

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CHUUUYAAA💗💞💓💍

Happy birth day me 💘❤️💛💕💝💖💓💞💗✨💍😎🤭

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qupiikaaa · 1 year

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Happy Birthday, Chuuya!

Literally my husband lol

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glitch-karma · 1 year

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Chuuya Birthday Oneshot

Happy (Late..) birthday to the best boy, and my highest kin <333

The day was cold and rainy in Yokohama as you sat there in your small shared apartment. Your boyfriend, Chuuya Nakahara, Executive of the Port Mafia, had been gone for weeks on some mission. Today was his birthday. And it was the first that you two weren't together for.

You sighed as you set the wrapped presents you had for him on your table, along with a handwritten poem that you'd made for him. Birthdays were always hard for Chuuya. He'd always put up a big fuss every time you talked about it. You had a nagging feeling it was because of the incident with Paul Verlaine a few years back. Chuuya was never quite the same since then.

You wanted to be with him so bad. Just to feel his soft lips pamper your face with kisses as you run your hand through his messy orange hair. The feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around your waist, as if he never wants to let go. The way he'd whisper in your ear that you two would stay home instead of going out to celebrate. You craved his touch.

You stood up sadly, making your way to your room to grab your phone. You and Chuuya were originally off today, but since he wasn't here you figured you may as well stop by Mori's office to see if there was any work to be done.

As you walk back into the kitchen you sense something, or rather someone, was watching you. You stop walking for the door for a second. Looking at your surroundings. You very slowly reach for your back pocket, pulling out a small semiautomatic hand gun and pointing to the celling above you.

"Jesus Doll!!"

You immediately recognized the voice as you stared up at the celling. The man you missed the most.. And you were pointing a gun at him.

"Oh my god Chuuya!" You yell, dropping the gun as he deactivated his ability, getting down on the floor. You immediately jumped into his arms as he laughed, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in tight. "that's not the reaction I was expecting from that, but it sure was a good one," Chuuya joked as he kissed your forehead lightly. "I missed the hell out of you, y'know?"

His grip on you was just as expected, like he wanted to hold you and keep you safe in his arms forever. You two stood there in silence for a few moments before you lightly pulled back, taking his hat off of his head and tossing it on the table beside you.

"Happy birthday. I'm so glad your home for it." You said, placing a hand on his cheek, observing all his facial features. His beautiful blue eyes, his almost feminine eyelashes, the small amounts of freckles that dusted his face, and of course his smile that never left his mouth.

He chuckled, kissing you again. "I couldn't stand being away from you today. All the men on the mission kept singing happy birthday and doing all this extra shit"

You laughed as you imagined how annoyed Chuuya must've been. He's never been one for big parties. He's not really one for any big celebration unless there's wine involved. Speaking of wine.

As Chuuya pulled you back into his grip, he noticed a pretty bottle of wine with a red ribbon wrapped around it sitting on the counter. His eyes lit up as he grabbed it, still keeping his grip on your waist nice and tight. ""Brunello di Montalcino Collosorbo".. You really went all out." Chuuya read the name of the wine out loud, putting his head into your collarbone, his breath lightly tickling your neck.

You chuckled, fluffing his hair. "And after we're done with that, I may draw us a nice bath.. Maybe open up that nice 87' bottle?" You said lowly, making Chuuya shudder lightly. "I am so lucky I have you." He said, standing up and pulling you into a passionate kiss. Everything was just, Perfect.

"My partner Nakahara Chuuya, A tempestuous storm, fierce and true, His fiery spirit burns so bright, A force to be reckoned with in every fight. His words cut like a sharpened blade, Yet with me, his kindness is never swayed, A complex man with a heart of gold, In his embrace, I feel safe and bold. We walk the streets of Yokohama, Side by side, no need for drama, Our bond is strong, unbreakable, Together, we are truly formidable. His crimson cloak billows in the wind, A symbol of his power, of the life he's been, But I know the real man beneath, A soul that's suffered, yet still believes. Chuuya, my partner, my love, In your presence, I soar like a dove, I am proud to stand by your side, Forever with you, through every tide. Happy birthday, Chuuya. Y/n."

(I hope it was worth the wait!!! Happy birthday Chuuya <3)

#bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs x reader #chuuya x y/n #chuuya fanfic #happy birthday chuuya #chuuya nakahara #chuuya x reader #glitchs✧works

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greasyghosts · 1 year

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Hi mayhaps I just binge read a bunch of your things and omg it's so good you write so well <3 if it's okay, could I request dancing bachata (or to any hispanic music in general) with Chuuya, Dazai, and Sigma (and possibly Nikolai too if you write for him 👀) thank you and I hope you're having an amazing day!!!

EEEKK YES OMG TY FOR REQUESTING THIS

❝ Dancing bachata with them ❞

Featuring: Chuuya, Dazai, Sigma, and Nikolai

!please don't repost, plagiarize, or copy my work ♡

A/n: I loved writing this oml it was kind of hard to write though I'm ngl, but nonetheless, it was very fun. Each one is kind of short I'm sorry

⊱ ────── {.⋅ ━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━ ⋅.} ───── ⊰

Chuuya:

Homie knows how to bachata.

DEADASS

I have no clue how or where he learned, but he did, and he's GOOD.

(I'm thirsty for him, and it probably shows..)

Anyways..

When you held out your hand to him when you were starting out, he'd immediately join in without hesitation

Perfectly matches your movements (though his eyes would probably be on your hips the entire time)

Lots of turning you around and spinning with him still holding onto your hands so his arms would cross around you

That's probably his favourite move because he loves the intimacy of it

This was posted on April 29th so happy birthday Chuuya :)

You two were at a bar when one of your favourite songs started to play, and you immediately got up to dance with a smile

"Chuuya! Care to join me? I'm not dancing bachata alone!" You'd giggle out

If he wasn't already smiling from alcohol, he'd be grinning as he'd get up, his hands meeting your hips as he'd run them up your back and gliding his hands to yours.

Your hands would interlink as you'd begin to sway to the music, his eyes watching your movements with a smile

"Hey, you're pretty good at that!" He'd grin as his hips moved with yours

As the music played on, your hands would wrap around his neck, and his supported your back.

Noticing how good his footwork was made you smile even brighter

"Chuuya, where'd you learn to bachata?" Your eyes meeting his

He'd shrug with a smug smirk. "I just have my ways" before stepping away, his hands meeting yours again as he'd turn you, his arms crossing over yours with your back to his chest.

He was a romantic at heart, Chuuya would love those old 1900's pet-names, he'd call you "Doll" and has probably called you a "dime-piece" a handful of times.

And in moments like this, it was easy to get lost in the moment with your lover boy.

The night went on with the two of you dancing. You were sure to leave with a smile and lovely memories. Your feet sore from all the dancing along with Chuuyas inevitable hangover

Dazai:

PFFT I don't think he'd know how to bachata

But he'd try!

He'd get the footwork down, but overall, he'd be pretty stiff lol (aka he'd step your toes)

Although whatever music is playing and whatever dance you're doing, he'd love being close to you

Very teasy and handsy when you dance together

Face, in your hair, 24/7

You were trying to teach Dazai to bachata for an event that was coming

He had already stomped on your feet a solid 9 times before he got the slight hang of it

"Osamu... You've got to move your hips more"

"But bellaa~, I'm trying!"

That's pretty much how it was going so far

Arms? Check

Footwork? Ehhh getting there

Hips? Definitely not Shakira worthy..

But even though he ultimately sort of sucked, you two were having fun!

He'd keep pulling your back into his chest, his face in the crook of your neck. Sure, he wasn't romantic at times, but he couldn't help but feel a bit sappy in this moment. (Even with his non-committal ass) He knew he'd stick with you, and damn was he glad he did.

You'd sigh, and you'd let him hold you for a little while.

"Wanna stop for tonight? Take a break?" You'd ask him, noticing his depleting energy

He'd nod his head a bit, turning you around to place a kiss on your forehead.

It was sweet..

Until he managed to step on your toes for the 10th time.

Sigma:

I love this man

He'd learn to bachata just for you

Like, he'd say he has a surprise for you, pulls you off the couch, and starts dancing with you.

Probably because you had asked him to bachata with you once, but he didn't know how, so he declined

(We all know he treats your heart like a de la Rosa)

Mwah, he's just so sweet

It took you by surprise when your duo-haired boyfriend lifted you up from the couch and started dancing with you. It was sweet. But boy, did it cause you to burst into a fit of giggles

This entire thing was awkward. With Sigma already embarrassed, and the way he just pulled you up made your cheeks red laughter.

He'd hide his face, still trying to regain his composure.

But you'd pull his hands down and give him a peck just to calm him down (it'd probably make him even more red, but it's okay)

"Sigma! I appreciate the thought, but the presentation of it -" You'd cut yourself off by your own laughter

At this, Sigma would pull you into a hug, burying his face into your neck to save him the embarrassment of you seeing his blushing face.

Give him some words of consolation to make him feel better, and maybe actually make the moment right for bachata...

And if you'd do this much, he'd actually be able to show you how well he's learned

When he finally does, it sure is impressive.

You can tell he's worked hard learning for you. At least there's consistency in this man's efforts.

But in the end, it was fun.

Nikolai:

The first time you'd ask him, God was he a tease

I doubt he'd actually feel bad for teasing you, but he would one day agree

He already knew how to bachata surprisingly (I kind of have his headcanon where he learns dances in his spare time, but shhh)

It'd be pretty untraditional, though. He'd add his own little moves like always to add ☆flare☆

But he'd probably get bored of it and turn it into a ballroom dance instead

Your clownish lover had you spinning around like a doll in his arms.

Always so gentle with you physically though always playing tricks with your mind with his silly quizzes

Today he was being exceptionally sweet.

'Perhaps it was because he wants something,' you thought.

But no, all those weeks ago when you'd ask him to dance and he'd tease you for it. That's why he was doing this for you today.

But, Nikolai? Feeling bad? Pfft what a joke. Well, that's atleast what he'd tell himself anyways.

You were his lover, he'd prize you above all else.

Just to be in your arms was a grace of the heavens in his eyes

And to see your slightly sullen face after he'd joke and prod at you, it soured his mood

He'd never admit it to you, nor himself really. But he was, in fact, vulnerable around you.

So at last he'd swallow his pride and dance with you.

His steps moved with expertise almost, but before you knew it he'd change the dance entirely

"Ugh.." Nikolai would groan

"I was getting bored anyways! Would you rather me quiz you, Dear Beloved?" He'd tease you even more

But after you'd tap out, your feet getting sore from dancing. That was when you'd finally notice the sincerity hiding in his eyes.

Final A/n: please don't mind the writing change during Nikolais! Some dead writer probably possessed me.. anyways I rlly apologize about the wait on this one! I rushed to finish it so I didn't proofread it, sorry if there's mistakes!!

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silverbladexyz · 28 days

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I hope you guys like Corpse Bride and Chuuya Nakahara 😊🖤

#silverbladexyz #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #bsd x female reader #btw guys this is most likely gonna be female reader #since it ties in with the lore more #Anyways I’m working on it now and hopefully it can be released on his birthday #chuuya x reader #chuuya nakahara x reader #:)

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suukidraw · 1 year

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chuuyaswifeirl · 1 year

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Happy birthday to my favourite fictional ginger !!! 🫶🫶🫶

#HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY BELOVED #CHUUYA MY LOVE #mwuah #chuuya my beloved #chuuya nakahara #chuuyabsd #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs chuuya #chuuya icons #chuuya supremacy #chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #bungou stray dogs

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shadyteacup · 2 years

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Hi! I had read some of your BSD fics (kinda wishing you would write more Chuuya x fem!reader) and I really like them! I came across your account again today when I saw the little thing you were doing with jessbeinme15 hehe

Have a good day! (I'm guessing it is evening for you but I'm not sure)You seem to be a really fun person (I scrolled all the way to March) <3

Hi! I love that u love my interactions with my love(platonic, ofc♡) XD see what I did there? *smirks a like a nerd*

Anyway, here's some chu content for u, you cute lil soul♡

Chuuya glanced out the window at the baby blue sky. Judging by the lack of orange and yellow, it must be well after 9 in the morning. He sighed, knowing that today would be yet another failed plan. He had planned so many things for today. But then again, chuuya was never too good at planning ahead. Who decides to do something till 3 in the morning, only to schedule something else at 7 the next day?

The ginger haired beauty rolled his eyes at his own foolishness. In his defense, the activity he had planned last night shouldn't have lasted that long. Yet, he should've known this would happen.

Glancing down, he smiled softly at your sleeping face. Your mouth was slightly agape, and some drool had made its way onto your smushed cheek. Your hair was a little messy- more like very disheveled- and your dark circles were on full display. To Chuuya, you looked like the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

He smirked when he remembered why you were such a hot mess. Last night was... feisty.

Almost sensing his gaze, you stirred awake. Your tiny palms came up to rub your eyes as you yawned into Chuuyas bicep, where your face had managed to cut off the blood supply all night long.

Chuuya chuckled at how cute you looked early in the morning.

"Good morning sleepy head."

Your tired eyes finally found his, and a big smile made its way onto your face.

"Chuuu!", you exclaimed gleefully, nuzzling your face into his bare chest.

Chuuya immediately cuddled you, and began planting small kisses in the crook of your neck.

You whined and pushed him away a little.

"Please, have mercy. I want to be able to walk."

"Darling, I think I disabled those settings last night already."

You snickered before climbing on top of his torso, straddling him.

"Then, how about I decide the pace today, hmm?"

Chuuya took a moment to take in the sight, before flipping you on your back, hovering close to your face.

"I can't possibly let the birthday girl do all the work on her special day, no?"

You blushed as you remembered what day it was. A warmth filled your heart when you realised that he remembered.

Sudden realization struck as you realised just why last night had been so... special.

Chuuya placed a kiss on your forehead before getting off the bed, leaving you confused.

"We've got many things planned, love.", he said, gently pulling you up and off the comfort of the pillows.

"Can't have some of this," he said, inhaling deeply in your hair, and grabbing your ass, making you squeak, "ruin the plan for the day."

He pulled away, leaving you pouting.

"Aww, baby, don't worry! We'll continue this later today." Chhuya winked, making you blush.

"Promise?", you asked, smirking.

"Of course, my lady."

Chuuya pecked the back of your hand, before sending you off to the bathroom. This same hand would later be adorned with a diamond ring of the finest quality, that he picked out months ago. Today, he would finally make you his.

#shady☕#shadyteacup #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #dazai x reader #bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs dazai #kunikida doppo #☕ says #chhuya #bsd chuuya #chuuya fluff #happy birthday chuuya #chuuya x y/n #chuuya angst #chuya nakahara

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kachuuyaa · 2 years

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CONSIDER: Diluc! Reader and Chuuya or Kaeya! Reader and Dazai (you choose the pair idc I just thought the "these bitches hate each other" pair would be funny)

- 🐗

a/n: this was a great idea, i had so much fun writing this save for the 39 times my computer crashed and having a rasputin just dance session in the middle of it and reading 50 pages of crime n punishment and listing down 3 universe theories. paired with 2 vacations and a birthday party. how are you?

DILUC!READER X CHUUYA

Running a bar whilst working for the mafia was quite an unusual combination, yet it worked well for you. Especially paired with the bizarre reason you chose to join the mafia, the other underlings knew not to question such a powerful and influential mafioso such as you. Who are they to complain, either way? You serve such great drinks, despite not being interested in them. Although, the regulars in your bar have no awareness of what you do after dark. Your most esteemed bartender (besides you), Charles, had no inkling of your duties, you were covert, clandestine in movement, that one would never wonder what such an influential bachelor would be doing in the most deadly mafia of Japan. You choose not to disclose such information to the public, obviously, as your status as a bachelor and a renowned bartender, the sudden reveal of your underground history with the mafia would emit thousands upon thousands of chatter among the commonfolk. Of course, with this, you actively prevent social gatherings that heavily involve you. The boss told you to conceal your identity, especially with the numerous mafiosos landing themselves in your establishment. You were a paradox, with your personality paired with your determination, and some are adamant to unmask the executive that the mafia had hidden. Your achievements were praiseworthy, known throughout the group, yet they cannot seem to grasp your existence, they have never seen you, anyway. You were to be kept secret, especially with your perfect reputation, the boss made precautions to preserve it.

This hatred for the government that led you to joining the mafia stemmed from the death of your father. Even then, you had retained some acquaintances from the special armed forces, one of which being the Acting Grandmaster, whom you grew to respect as you left. There was… your eccentric brother, too. You don’t talk about him much, only when necessary, or if questions were brought up by patrons. To your dismay, he was quite a regular at your establishment, catching the attention of most of your customers. It never bothered you, at least there was a distraction to keep your brother away from you. Although, as much as you hated to admit, he brought more attention to you rather than himself. Your embarrassment is amusing to him, you noted. It is fitting for a man whose only goal is to tease and taunt you, you seem to observe. However, despite the rough relationship between you and your sibling, there seems to be an underlying sheet of worry towards the both of you. As it isn’t evident, there were times where you seem to be worried over Kaeya, and the mass amounts of alcohol he consumes. You usher him outside of your establishment when he has one or two more drinks than usual, and Kaeya making light of the situation as you grunted and snatch his half-empty glass. This elicits a whine from him, but you don’t make any move to offer him more alcohol any time soon. You knew you wouldn’t hear the end of it from him, however, as he uses your kind gestures to him an invitation to embarrass you even further.

This rough exterior still retained especially when doing work for the mafia. It was rare to even see you walking the halls of the dreaded buildings, no one dared to question if you were simply moving with the wind, and no one had the courage to talk to the boss about it. The executives, despite sharing the same rank as you did, had no recollection or encounters with you. It was as if you were simply a spirit, a supernatural entity that the boss had struck a deal with. They joke about that after meetings, since most-- if not all, Port Mafia members have never seen you unmasked. Sure, you were peculiar, but incredibly captivating. The executive notorious yet with an identity so mysterious, they cannot help their insatiable curiosity. Of course, you were quite popular for such reasons, such swift and calculated movements were only seen, a shadow of you reflecting your actions. That is all Chuuya needed to see, for him to confirm your identity. And, well, you did not disappoint. As Chuuya joined the mafia, he was quickly bombarded with missions and unknown gossip he could not care less about. Upon hearing about you, an executive he knew he’s never seen, he grew wary. Masking your features to be unknown to the very organization you worked in could only raise suspicion for the redhead, however, upon telling Dazai this during an interrogation (which he thought was the worst decision made), the ex-mafia’s eyes lit with glee and began teasing the man for asking such. Although, the suicidal man grew serious, admitting that he has never seen you, but conversed with you once. The tension was heavy, suffocating, as you, one with a reputation that precedes your occupation, can only talk with a voice so melancholic and a tone so monotone and bitter. Though the experience made the man even more interested rather than nervous. Chuuya left the scene with mixed emotions, all of them directed to you. It was then Mori sensed his agitation, and reevaluating the decision of concealing your identity from your fellow executives. But, in his mind, he felt that you were going to decline.

Chuuya had a hard day that night when he met you. Tachihara suggested to go to the bar a couple of streets down with the Black Lizard, which he agreed to. He heard how delectable the drinks are, and the stoic, stern bartender who creates the recipes are equally as fresh, he simply had to evaluate them himself. Okay, he had to admit, it was good, especially the wine you so gracefully crafted for his team. And in his drunken state, he started asking simple questions to you. You chuckled internally, aware of the Black Lizard-- they were part of the same organization, how could you not? You flickered your eyes to Hirotsu, whose eyes were already boring into yours, though your expression did not falter. Chuuya’s call of your name snapped you from your stupor, making you fix your vest and entertain his questions. Unfortunately, Kaeya suddenly appeared in the bar and you had to stifle a groan. So, you simply turned your back upon hearing his footsteps. Chuuya averted his eyes from you to the male in front of him, recognising him as apart of the special forces. Of course, Kaeya doesn’t know this, as the mafia had been always successful in covering their tracks. Kaeya called out to you, making you turn around in dismay. Giving him his usual, you gazed back at Chuuya before rolling your sleeves up and catering to the dirty dishes near the sink. Chuuya was particularly interested at your evident detestment to any alcoholic drinks, as he observed you pouring yourself a glass of grape juice if there was no one to tend to. Chuuya arrived home intoxicated and intrigued towards you, deciding to come by the bar more often, despite being clueless of your nightly duties.

The first time he met you as a mafioso was at a meeting. Once the boss had privately announced an all-executive meeting, the others began to speculate your appearance. Surely, with what they have heard from the whispers traveling around the organization, your appearance would match your achievements. Quite some time later, the sudden creak of the large door alerted the executives in the room, as the boss emerges from it, with a hooded figure behind him. He gave you the signal to remove your questionable disguise, and as you did, your unamused, cold eyes examined the pristine room before you. Chuuya, however, was in more shock than any other. You were the bartender he chatted with nonchalantly in that bar Tachihara suggested they would go to?! Such thoughts surrounded his head upon seeing your features, acknowledging that you were a renowned owner of that bartender and a bachelor many people would like to get their hands on. Flickering your eyes to the astonished Chuuya Nakahara, a glint of amusement crossed your aloof eyes, savoring his amused expression. Before anyone could retaliate, he angrily marched towards you, grabbing you by your collar as your eyes widened. You remember the scolding you received by the redhead, and you noticed that he wanted to meet you in your bar, and not in the mafia. Bombarded with questions that you would normally decline answering, you gently grabbed his hand and he halted his words, trapping them on the roof of his mouth. You muttered a stern, yet soft ‘later’, and he got the hint.

Koyou reached out to him about it. Surprisingly, the boss had not called him to his office for his behavior, and he simply wondered about it. He expected to have a thorough lecture for his impulsivity in your first official Executive meeting. He sensed evident annoyance radiate from your form, though, upon giving you a piece of his mind. Although noticed, he made no move to stop. It was technically your fault, wasn’t it? For him to be left clueless yet interested in you-- as a bartender, to have a job in the mafia, and for Gods’ sake, be the executive every mafioso in the organization would be the topic of conversation? After moments of pondering, he figured the reason of your concealed identity. It reminded him of a former colleague, back when he was 16. Shaking those thoughts away, he resumed conversation with Koyou, which was-- well, it was about you. It seemed as if you were esoteric, arcane, and many found you alluring for it. You two decided it was best to chat in your bar, away from the prying eyes the public sends you. (Ocasionally sending them to Chuuya, too, for his features and his unordinary outfit.) You two had a lengthy conversation, filled with ceaseless curiosity towards you, and you indulged in his questions. That night, Chuuya has learned a lot about you, besides your loathe for alcoholic drinks, he learned that your brother was the man with blue hair, a general for the special armed forces. He understood Kaeya’s cluelessness, given that your identity was hidden for mostly everyone.

It was then the boss acknowledged Chuuya’s tolerance for you (especially after what happened in the Port Mafia meeting), and mostly paired you two for a mission to difficult for one to do alone. He knew Chuuya’s immense strength, and with your ability, he decided; thinking it was an easy decision. Chuuya was intrigued, yet excited at this new adjustment. He’ll think it’s a good idea, as he wanted to impress you and erase that facade of stoicism to revel in his strength. Maybe, that’s his own personal mission, for him to witness your uninterested eyes have a flicker of shock. Yeah, he’ll be the one to dig into your soul. Well, the opposite seemed to happen as once you showcased your abilities his expression flipped to one of wonder, leaving him speechless. Your ability allows you to manipulate flames with a claymore (a heavy weapon that he tried once, dropping it the moment he was done with his training), making his mouth agape, eyes shining in awe. Although, he masked it completely with a confident demeanor, taking the lead as you retreat to complete the mission.

Chuuya had to thank whatever god was above for Mori’s observant nature, making you pair with someone like him. Saving the mafia with just enough morality for him to tolerate you, being an excellent bartender, and most of all, a decent person. Well-- more than decent, actually. You were one who had much more patience than he does. He recalls your eyes flashing with worry after Chuuya sustained heavy bruises in a fight, despite his numerous attempts to assure you that he was fine. He recalled your compassion and your gentle words directed at him, accompanied by a soft look in your eyes to further allow your irascible exterior continuously diminish upon seeing Chuuya. He felt, with his entire body and his entire soul that he shared with a god reveling between chaos and reality, he felt appreciated. Accepted, even. In a world full of gods and abilities, he was struck with an unlucky and dreadful life, one that he wished to get rid of. His very existence in the mafia was the cause of a notorious, young executive, one he grew to resent due to his actions toward him and his previous group. And he was glad to no longer associate with him, as he was associated with you. You did not compare him with the god inhibiting his body, nor did you make Arahabaki the topic of conversation, belittling him indirectly with your words. You never did that, and he was more than grateful for it. As tough as the resolve the mafioso holds, it always seemed to crumble when around you. The both of you hold a facade most knew, for you, it was stoicism, anonymity, and-- well, an esteemed bachelor. Chuuya, is a brash, cocky, ill-tempered executive. Although, while knowing your status as a wanted man of marriage to many people, he knew you were never interested in such things. Your aura scares them away, usually. So the most they are able to do is admire from the sidelines, unknowing of your unwavering love for Chuuya. The man was simply too preoccupied to impress you without hesitation. Of course, you didn’t want to chuckle in front of this revelation, as he had already impressed you with his character alone. It didn’t take an otherworldly ability for him to amaze you, it was himself alone. His arrogant, haughty attitude, paired with his attachment and his loyalty was enough for him to touch your soul. Chuuya’s personality was what impressed you. And if your ability and occupation roused excitement within Chuuya, you were certain, with all the experiences you had endured with him, you know that-- even just a little-- he was impressed with you. ‘Impressed’ was an understatement, he was vehemently, authentically, tremendously infatuated with you.

#黄昏のBAY CITY — EVENT #diluc reader #chuuya x reader #chuuya x you #chuuya drabbles #chuuya angst #chuuya fluff #chuuya headcanons #chuuya hcs #chuuya fics #bsd x reader #bsd x you #bsd drabbles #bsd angst #bsd fluff #bsd headcanons #bsd hcs #bsd fics #IT TOOK ME 5 days 2 vacations and 1 birthday party for me to finish thiswith multiple PC malfunctions god have mercy upon my soul

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sanest-bsd-delegate · 1 year

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR BELOVED CHU CHU CHUUYA<33333

Here is all Chuuya for you simps and chuuya kinnies because you people including me have no life except to simp for this glorious person and other bsd men but we dont talk about it today

#chuuya week #happy birthday chu chu #29 april 2023 #chuuya nakahara #chuuyabsd #chuuya x reader #bsd chuuya #bungou stray dogs chuuya #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungou sd #chuuya kinnies and simper's day #bsd men are hawt no deny #HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHUUYA ILYSM

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osachiyo · 7 months

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"𝓐𝓶 𝓘 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓶 𝓸𝓯?" ༉‧₊˚.

↺ includes : dazai osamu & chuuya nakahara x fem!reader

↺ content warnings : nsfw content (mdni), threesome, double penetration, facefucking, overstimulation, unprotected sex, oral (m &f recieving), hairpulling, dumbification etc

↺ synopsis : you had one too many drinks at a bar after getting dumped by your ex boyfriend on your birthday, and end up fucking the two most dangerous men you have ever met

↺ w.c : 2.7k+ words of absolute filth

↺ author's note : Ik I said this will be posted on the 29th but I kindaaa finished early...I honestly thought dazai & fyodor would win in the poll but I'm pleasantly surprised that chuuya won. Happy reading & I hope y'all enjoy <3 ps. this is supposed to be a bday fic for someone but I unfortunately could not find the ask so whoever you are, happy early b'day!

You squealed when Dazai parted your shaky thighs, licking his lips at your soaked lacy panties. "oh, bella, we barely even touched you and you're already dripping down there? naughty girl.." his voice dropped an octave, making you shiver. "quit yappin' and get to work, shitty dazai," Chuuya scoffed from behind you, gloved fingers pinching and pulling at your swollen nipples, coaxing little whines and moans from you. "you are just jealous that I'm the one about to devour her right now," the bandaged man shrugged, but still complying nonetheless. His fingers hooked under your panties and swiftly pulled them down, breath hitching as he watched webs of your sticky arousal cling to the thin fabric. Chuuya noticed that your attention was on Dazai and he wasn't having that. He turned your face to the side and smashed his lips against yours, swallowing your moans as Dazai nibbled on the insides of your thighs. Just how did you get stuck between these two unbelievably attractive men?

...You sighed, slamming your shot of Tequila down, the alcohol burning in your throat. "And he just broke up with me like that! On my fucking birthday too! What the fuck?" Your friend only patted your back, frowning, "girl, I knew he was no good from day one. let's just forget about him for now, yeah? try to enjoy tonight?" You nodded, a frown etched on your face. "Yeah, I know...but I really loved him, y'know? Even though he was terrible in bed," you giggled, nudging your friend's arm playfully. "How about we get you some real action tonight?" She wiggled her eyebrows, both of you chuckling. "Who should I go for?" You scanned the bar, looking for your partner for the night when your eyes land on Chuuya. The ginger haired man was at a corner, sipping away at his expensive drink, target locked. You touched your makeup up a bit before strutting towards him, giving him your best doe eyes when he looks up at you, "You here alone?" He smirked, "No, I'm here with some... colleagues. What about you, pretty girl?" You took a seat beside him, grinning as he poured you a glass of the 20 something grand drink, "I'm here with my friend, We're here to celebrate my birthday." He handed you the glass, "Oh, happy birthday. how's your night goin' so far?" You sipped on the drink, scrunching your face at the bitter taste of the alcohol, "Well...not to spill my life story or anything, but I got dumped today," he frowned, placing a gloved hand on your shoulder, "Sorry 'bout that, hon. Must've been an ass to do that on you birthday." You laughed, staring in his greyish blue eyes, "Yeah.." he leaned closer, his breath fanning over your lips, you could almost taste the 'aged monopole' on his lips—

"chuuuuuuuyaaa~" Dazai interrupted you both with his sing-song voice, making you both jump. "What the hell are you doing here?" Chuuya gritted his teeth, clearly annoyed. You turned around to lock eyes with chocolate brown ones; oh, he was pretty. You could see a smirk splayed on his lips, winking at you before looking at Chuuya. "I thought I smelled a dog around here, and would you look at that? It's my dear ex-partner Chuuya!" The said man swung at Dazai, landing a punch on his stomach. "Oumph— I was wondering what you were doing with such a pretty woman," he said, taking your hand in his, kissing the back of it. "May I have the honour of knowing this pretty lady's name?" You giggled, "Of course, it's—" Chuuya cut you off by snatching your hand away, glaring daggers at Dazai. "Get the hell out of here, mackerel," Chuuya groaned. "This pretty lady has been through a breakup tonight, on her birthday, and I'm sure she doesn't need you annoying her to death too." Dazai only pouted, "Or are you just afraid that she'd leave you because of me, hmm?" He looked at you, smiling. "Trust me, baby. I can do much better than this malnourished ginger." You could see Chuuya's right eye twitch. "You really think so?" The brunette man leaned closer, towering over the both of you. "I know so." "Then let's fucking prove it."

...Everything after that was a blur to you. You didn't remember when you left the bar with them or when you entered the hotel. All you knew was that it felt so hot. It felt so hot when Chuuya pressed open-mouthed kisses on your nape and behind your ears, all while Dazai made himself comfortable between your spread legs. He shoved your panties in his pocket for later use, his tongue darting out to kitten lick at your puffy clit. He could feel your pussy throbbing on his tongue, clearly wanting more of his touch. Chuuya pushed the straps of your tight black dress down your shoulders, massaging your plump breasts while kissing you deeply. "Oh, you taste fucking divine," Dazai hummed, snickering when you clenched down on his tongue from the praise. "You like that, birthday girl? like it when I praise you?" You could only moan, nodding your head. The ginger man behind you flipped you over so that you were on your stomach, ass pressing against Dazai's face, and he moaned, calloused fingers spreading your cheeks apart as he slurped your juices up. Your cheek was smushed against Chuuya's dress pants, drooling on the expensive fabric. You could see the prominent bulge on his crotch, just begging to be touched. "Put that pretty mouth to use, darl'," he whispered, unzipping his pants and pulling his boxer's down, his cock finally springing free and slapping against his stomach. Your mouth watered; it was so pretty. Reasonable sized with a girth promised to make you see stars. The tip was flushed pink, precum pearling at his slit. You picked the underside of his cock, paying extra attention to the large vein, making him hiss. He grabbed the back of your head, tapping his cock on your warm cheek, "Open up, hon." You happily obliged, sticking your tongue out for him to shove his shaft down your throat, making you slightly gag as tears prick your eyes. You gasped when Dazai pushed two slim fingers into your hole, your insides sucking them in eagerly. "There we go, sweet girl. Taking my fingers so nicely~" You cleched down on him at the praise, moaning around the fat cock in your mouth. The red-head shivered at the vibrations from your mouth. Tipping his head back slightly, fingers tightening their grip on your hair as you start bobbing your head up and down. It was messy; webs of his precum and your saliva was dripping down your chin, your mascara running down your puffy cheeks as you tried your best to breathe through your nose. Dazai scoffed when Chuuya smirked at him, successful in stealing your attention. He blew on your clit, making you jump. You tried to look back at him but Chuuya's grip was firm, patting your head softly before doing an experimental thrust in your mouth, tip of his cock nudging against the back of your throat. On the other hand, Dazai was getting lost in your cunt; skilled tongue swirling over your swollen clit, fingers curling against your g-spot, moaning into your pussy when you clenched particularly hard. Chuuya was now thrusting up into your warm mouth eagerly, holding your head down while muttering out small curses. He loved the way your eyes rolled back from the overwhelming feeling of Dazai eating your cunt like the best meal he's ever had while Chuuya fucked your throat 'till it burned, your lipstick staining his cock.

You jolted forward when a lubed finger pushed into your other hole, the feeling entirely foreign to you. Dazai's warm hand smoothed over your ass, giving it a playful smack, "Relax, pretty. You are gonna take the both of us, aren't you?" Your eyes widened, the both of them inside..at the same time— could you even handle it?

Chuuya patted your cheek softly, turning your attention to him, "You don't have to if you don't want to, we won't force you into anything." Your heart fluttered at his caring nature, hearts practically swimming in your pupils. You pulled your mouth off of Chuuya's cock, making him hiss. " 's okay.. I can take it," you whispered, making Dazai smirk devilishly, "that's my girl."

They switched places now; Chuuya between your pretty legs while Dazai eagerly thrusted up into your welcoming mouth, slobbering all over his cock. Your jaw was hurting from how hard he was shoving himself in and out, back arching like a cat's when Chuuya's long fingers brush against that one spot inside your walls. His tongue swirled around your puckered hole, making you squeal and try to kick your legs and fail, his hands firmly gripping them, "Behave," he growled into your cunt, making Dazai snicker. "How's she taste?" Dazai grinned, hissing when your tongue swipes over his slit. "Fucking amazing," Chuuya's eyes slightly rolled back, going drunk from your addictive taste on his tongue. Dazai's thrusts sped up, now hitting the back of your throat as you creamed all over Chuuya's face. He was glad your back was turned to him so you couldn't see him cumming in his pants like a pathetic teenager. "Came in your pants already?" Dazai laughed, cutting himself off with a groan as he holds your head down, cumming down your throat.

Dazai picked your already tired body up, placing you on his lap, telling you how good you did for them while kissing your tears away. "Now, get ready for the real thing," he smirked, slapping the tip on your clit before lining his cock up with your entrance. "Hope you're ready, princess," Chuuya uttered from behind you, rubbing soothing circles on your back, pushing your hair out of the way to kiss and nibble on your marked neck as Dazai pushed into you with a wet 'pop!' Your jaw slacking as he buried himself to the hilt, pressing his forehead against yours as he panted out little praises. Your body was tense in Dazai's hold, clenching down on his cock when his fingers found your clit, trying to get you to relax and it worked as you went limp in his arms. Chuuya on the otherhand, was busy lathering lube all over his cock, pumping it a few times in his first before lining it up with your puckered hole. Slowly but surely pushing in, focused on how you moan into Dazai's lips, the smug brunnete swallowing your moans. "Does it hurt, doll?" He grunted, grabbing your hips for stability as he tried his best not to shove himself all the way in. "Hurts— hurts so good.." you slurred, eyes rolling back from the sheer pleasure of both of them inside you. His cock pushed fully past the tight ring of muscle, balls touching your ass while he shuddered, fingers digging into the plush of your hips so tightly that you're sure it'll leave bruises tomorrow. But you didn't care, not when you were stuffed full by these two men you had just met, creaming and clenching on their cocks. "God, she's clenching so damn hard. Aren't you, baby?" The man in front of you panted, fingers still rubbing circles on your clit, pinching the small bud when you whine and whimper for them. Chuuya turned your head around to face him, capturing your parted lips for a sweet kiss, rolling his hips experimentally and groaning when you tighten even further.

Your makeup had been completely ruined by the time they were finally starting to thrust in and out of you, the two of them perfectly synchronized with each other, as if they could read the other person's mind. Every time one of them pulled out, the other pushed in and vice versa. Your mouth formed an 'o' shape, clawing at Dazai's shirt as they worked you to your orgasm. Your brain couldn't function properly anymore, filtering out all thoughts besides the two men ravaging you right now, stretching out your holes and all you could do was lay there and sob out their names. "Oh shiit— did we fuck her stupid already?" Chuuya questioned, breathy moans and grunts leaving his swollen lips that were stained with your lipstick like his cock. "Sure looks like it, ah fuuck—" Dazai moaned, their rhythm slowly falling apart as their orgasm approached. " 'm gunna—" you couldn't even finish your sentence before squrting all over their cocks, head lolling back on Chuuya's shoulder as you twitched from the overstimulation. Dazai's hips stilled suddenly, shooting his seed deep inside of you, some of it dribbling out as he pulls out, some of it spurting on your cunt, coating your pussy lips in his release. Chuuya's arms hooked under your knees, bringing you to his chest as you screamed his name, tears flowing out of your puffy eyes like jewels. "Cumming— fuck!" He growled, slim hips pressed against your plump ass while he flooded your insides with his cum.

Your heavy eyelids widened when Chuuya lifted you up, now facing him. "What're you—" you gasped when you felt his cock prodding at your cunt this time, ready to fuck you to oblivion. Dazai gripped your hair from behind, tugging on it to make eye contact with you, "You didn't think we were done from just that, did you?" You whimpered at his low tone of voice, perfectly manicured nails digging into Chuuya's shoulders as he pushes into you again, your cunt fucked raw and sore. Bandaged hands spread your cheeks apart, groaning at the lewd view of his ex-partners cum flowing out of your hole. " 's too mph— much!" You babbled, wincing at Dazai pulled at your hair and landed a swift smack on your ass. "You can take it, honey," he bit his lip, slipping into your other hole with a loud groan, your eyes crossing at the mind-numbing stimulation.

"Shiiit— pussy grippin' me so tight," Chuuya moaned, throwing his head back as he thrusted into you vigorously. The three of you were rendered a drooling, panting mess; overstimulated and shaking as they bend and mold your body to their desire, turning you into their personal cocksleeve for the night and you loved it. Dazai's fingers found your nipples, pinching and pulling and the hardened buds, making you cry out even louder for them, slapping one of the soft mounds before flicking at your nipples again.

You felt something in your lower stomach turning, tightening as they thrusted in and out of your oversensitive cunt. Chuuya's hand suddenly wrapped around your throat, not gripping tight but hard enough to make you feel breathless and dizzy. Everything went white, you could hear ringing in your ears as you gushed all over them, your juices covering Chuuya's abdomen and dripping down his cock. A creamy ring had formed around the base of his cock, hands reaching everywhere they could before his hips stopped, his semen gushing into your walls and staining them white. Dazai came shortly after, burying his face into your neck as his cum filled your gooey insides.

They both pulled out before Dazai laid you on your back gently, softly shushing your sobs as you clung onto him, burying your face in his chest. His hand was splayed on your back, rubbing random shapes on your sensitive skin. "Shh, my pretty girl. Did so well for us, hm?" He whispered, kissing the crown of your head while Chuuya got up to get a washcloth and a glass of water. He handed you the glass of water and some pills, "birth pills," he clarified, looking away bashfully while Dazai snickered. You didn't even realize how dry your throat was until drinking the cold water, offering your burning throat some relief. "I should probably lea—" you got cut off by Dazai pulling you back into his arms burying his face into your soft chest, "Why not stay? I'm not the type of guy to let a pretty lady go home alone at 3 am after having such an intimate moment." Chuuya huffed and nodded in agreement, laying next to you before wrapping an arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Dazai pouted, scooting closer and shoving Chuuya's arm off of you. "A dog should know it's place, you should honestly go sleep on the floor," Dazai joked. "HAAH?!"

©ambrosiaa— do not copy, plagiarize and repost my works to any platform, likes and reblogs are very appreciated♡

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qupiikaaa · 10 months

Note

Hey... I saw you post that you're sick, so I'm just here to check up on you. Are you okay? ❤️

Aww, Hiya! I’m not exactly doing the best, I mean, it’s not an extremely life threatening thing. The most that’ll happen is that I might be bedridden or in the hospital for a few days to weeks! So now i’m kinda just sitting here eating muffins and drinking milk tea while coughing and reading Chuuya x reader fanfics ( ´∀｀)!

#kxtty-s:thoughts 🌸#bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader #kxtty-s:daily life 🌸#happy birthday chuuya #chuuya #chuuya scenarios #chuuya x reader #chuuya x reader Angst #chuuya angst #i love chuuya

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kentopedia · 10 months

Text

i miss when we first met

FEATURING. dazai osamu x f!reader & f!reader x chuuya nakahara — wc: 15.1k

SUMMARY: you'd always been in love with Dazai, but you started to doubt that he'd ever cared for you in return. chuuya, though, had never shown you anything but true affection.

CONTENTS: nsfw 18+ ONLY, pm!dazai, pm!reader, mostly dazai x reader but…, unhealthy relationship dynamics, voyeurism, cheating, manipulation, smut, degradation, guns, angst, dazai is very bad at expressing emotions, pet names, horrible communication, unrequited (?) love, the list goes on bc they’re in the port mafia just be warned

note: this took me like 4 months to finish & i am so so nervous to post it lmao. i wanted to write something different & this is very outside my comfort zone! :) but it's dazai's birthday so i figured i might as well share it today

You rolled onto your side away from Dazai, still breathing heavily as you came down from your high.

Beside you, he had shifted onto his forearms, moving up against the headboards to sit up straight. The covers fell off of him, revealing the marks that you’d left all over his body, the scars from a life lived in the mafia.

Under the red silk sheets, you were silent, your head settling into the pillow as you stared at him.

He’d deny it, but he was beautiful, a tempting, alluring creature that you couldn’t get enough of.

But you also knew Lucifer had once been God’s most beautiful angel, and it only made sense that Dazai Osamu would hold the same kind of exquisiteness.

Dazai closed his eyes, rolled his neck as he leaned back, stretching out all of the stiff muscles. He didn’t touch you again, kept a distance as he wiped the sweat that had dried on his forehead, the fluids that had stained the sheets between you.

He used to talk to you, after something so intimate. Used to hold you in his arms and trace your skin with a gentleness you didn’t know he possessed. He hadn’t always been cruel when he fucked you, hadn’t always put his own needs before yours.

Of course, Dazai had never loved you. That was something you were certain of in your very core. But he’d held at least some shred of respect for you before becoming the head of the Port Mafia. Now, you didn’t think he saw you as anything more than a means to an end.

It didn’t matter, though. It didn’t matter that Dazai spoke to you minimally when you two weren’t alone, that everyone in the Port Mafia knew you were nothing more than the woman who slept in his bed.

It didn’t matter because you loved him. You’d stood by his side since the beginning, since he’d recruited Chuuya, since he’d lost Oda.

Since he’d killed Mori.

You’d been with him through all of it, seen every horrid side to him, and you’d never once wanted to escape. Dazai had his claws in you, and he had them in deep. The thought of being anywhere but with him had never crossed your mind.

“Akutagawa told me what happened yesterday.”

You blinked, snapping out of your haze as Dazai regarded you with cool, condescending eyes. He was peering at you from over his shoulder, picking his dark button-up off the floor. The skin on his back was red from scratches, the lines dragging through his taut skin.

“Did he?” you said, looking down at your nails. You hadn’t expected anything less. Akutagawa did everything in his power to get exaltation from Dazai. “I’m sure his report was thorough.”

Dazai’s jaw clenched. His eyes narrowed, a darkened tint flashing in them. “That’s all you have to say?”

His voice was unamused, icy, and it reminded you that no matter how many times you crawled into his bed, let him use you however he wanted, he was still your boss. He was Dazai Osamu, the man whom everyone in Yokohama feared.

You swallowed. “I’m sorry.” Your gaze twisted away from him, unable to meet his hardened expression completely. “I was distracted. It was my fault entirely.”

Dazai made a noise in the back of his throat as he moved out of the bed. He sauntered across the room, so quietly and cat-like, and you buried yourself deeper into the mattress, wanting to sink into it completely.

“You’re lucky, then, that Akutagawa was able to deflect the bullets.” He began replacing the bandages that had slipped off of his face, covering his cheek with disgust.

He let you see him completely when it was just the two of you. It took every ounce of your self-control not to read into that, to wonder if it was just a habit leftover from when you were younger.

“I am lucky.”

Truthfully, you’d only hesitated for half of a second, momentarily lost in your own loop of suffering, and your opponent had gotten an edge on you. They’d shot at you, then the bomb, nearly prematurely blowing up the building.

“After decades of work, I would’ve thought you’d know better by now.” Dazai sighed wearily, like your presence irritated him. It probably did. “I’ll consider moving you. I’m sure there’s a place for you where you can’t get yourself killed if you fuck up.”

“Dazai—” you swallowed, a horrid tasting stinging your mouth as you remembered your time with him had come to an end. He was back to being Mori’s underling, the man who looked at the city like it was nothing but a chessboard. “Boss,” you remedied quickly, all too used to addressing him differently. It was difficult, sometimes, to recognize where Dazai began, and the Port Mafia’s boss ended. “It was a stupid error. In all the time you’ve known me, have I ever done something like that before?”

Dazai hesitated momentarily, before tensing his shoulders. He didn’t answer your question. “Don’t let it happen again.” A warning was in his eyes when they met yours through the mirror. “I don’t have the patience to find a replacement for you, and Akutagawa’s too valuable an asset to lose to a seasoned professional’s careless mistake.”

You exhaled, looking back down at your hands. The ones that had already been stained in so much blood, wrought with crime and bad intent. “Understood.”

You finally climbed out of the bed, missing the warmth that it gave you, even though Dazai’s cold body always sucked it away. He laid so stiffly next to you most of the time. You remembered when he used to sleep with his forehead pressed to the back of your neck.

As you dressed, Dazai kept his eyes on his work, never paying you any attention. You felt discarded, useless, and you wanted to hate him, wanted to hate yourself for longing to wrap your arms around him, hug him from behind.

“I’ll send you with Chuuya tomorrow,” he said, scanning reports and assignments that he’d thrown aside lazily last night. “An easy assignment outside of Yokohama. Think you can manage that?”

“Just give me the job.” You snatched the paper out of Dazai’s hand, and he didn’t say a word, only watched as you perused it. It was, really, the simplest task he’d given you in the past few weeks. You’d felt like he’d been overworking you just to avoid you. “Fine. I’ll take it.”

Dazai’s smile widened, sinister, and wicked. He brushed his hand delicately over your shoulder, against your neck before patting you on the head. “I trust you won’t let me down.”

Going against every sensible atom in your being, you smiled wearily. His minimal display of affection warmed you, a deep pang settling in your soul. “Have I ever?”

“No.” He held a sort of awed fascination, twisting a part of your hair between his fingers. “How lucky someone must be to be my greatest enemy. To get the kiss of death from an angel is not such a bad way to die.”

He held your cheek in his delicate fingers, and you were putty in his hands, wishing that his eyes would soften, even by a fraction. That his hand would cup around his cheek like he meant it.

Instead, he pulled away, and you felt cold, cold, cold, drowning in your own emptiness.

You scoffed, trying to regain some power in the situation. “I’m no angel.”

“Hm,” Dazai hummed, dropping his head in his hands, resuming a spot behind the desk, the deep red chair much too similar to the one in his office, the one that Mori had inherited from the previous boss. “Perhaps not to others.”

And you grew hot, feeling that, maybe, Dazai was giving you a compliment.

It was at times like these that you saw the semblance of your previous relationship. When you could tease him without feeling the weight of his superior rank looming over you. When you could kiss him without tasting venom. When you didn’t have to wonder if it would be appropriate to touch him, or if you should keep your distance.

You wanted to quit him. Really, you did.

He was a horrible, loathsome person.

You’d never be able to stop loving him.

“I could never be any sort of heavenly creature, Dazai. My spot in hell was sealed the moment I sided with the Devil.”

Dazai laughed, the sound raw and dry, so humorless. “I hope you don’t mean me. Flattery will get you nowhere,” he tsked, the tip of his tongue scratching against the back of his white teeth.

You certainly hadn’t meant that as a compliment.

“Should I say goodbye before I leave?” you asked wryly, doubting that he’d even want to see you again. His image burned against the back of your eyelids, and you drank him in, hoping that when you died, his face would be the last thing you saw.

Dazai didn’t grace you with a simple yes or no. Instead, he glanced up briefly, his one eye exposed, mere centimeters of skin uncovered. “Goodbye.”

You nodded; lips pressed tightly together as you accepted the dismissal. With a sigh, you were out of the room, wondering why you hadn’t just showered before you left. Most of your clothes were in Dazai’s closet anyway.

You didn’t see him again before you left.

The assignment Dazai had given you was a few cities over, a task of infiltrating an enemy organization who’d gotten a little too close to the Mafia’s boundaries. It was simple enough, especially with Chuuya at your side, though the whole ordeal had you away from home for a weekend, and far too much time with your own thoughts.

Dazai had set the two of you up in a suite, one with two separate bedrooms and a shared living space. It was much more luxurious than you even needed, with a view overlooking the entire city and an extensive bar in the kitchen. The furniture was a deep, black leather, every accent dark in color.

It was conspicuous, but you’d grown too used to extravagance after being with Dazai. You allowed yourself to indulge in it.

A silly notion, really; the place you slept every night was much more lavish.

You scrubbed the blood off your face, your hands, and stared at yourself in the mirror without recognizing the person before you. The water at the bottom of the shower was a macabre shade, staining the tiles as it swirled down the drain.

Shivering, you tried to reconcile all of the things you’d done, shelve them away before you could wonder if all of it was really worth it. If Dazai was really worth it.

When you finally emerged from the bathroom, your skin rubbed raw, Chuuya was sitting at the bar, a freshly cracked bottle of wine before him. His back was tense, muscles strained as he regarded you with weary eyes, the darker shade under them obvious and alarming.

“Took you long enough,” Chuuya snorted, pouring himself a glass. The bottle was aged and dark, the label faded. He must have brought it along with him; it certainly hadn’t come from the hotel. “I was getting bored.”

You made a face, taking the seat beside him. “Well, there was a lot of blood.” You reached over to snatch the bottle, pressing it to your lips before he could protest.

“Help yourself, then,” His expression was sour, but his acerbic tone held a hint of amusement. “Do you know how expensive that is?”

“No.” You shrugged, taking a sip. Money had stopped meaning anything to you a long time ago. “Should I care?” The liquid warmed your throat on the way down.

“Probably not. You’ve surely got enough cash behind you to buy me another one.”

“Right.” You snorted and wondered how much of that stuff you’d have to drink before you’d stop feeling a thing. Thoughts of the crumbling bond that you and Dazai shared wouldn’t leave you alone. “And you don’t?”

Chuuya laughed, twirling the glass in his gloved hand. There was a hardened edge to him that you didn’t like. Opposed to Dazai, Chuuya had always been much more open with you, more willing to share his thoughts. “Well, we can’t all be Dazai’s favorite. You’ve got the keys to the kingdom, my dear. Whatever belongs to the Mafia belongs to you too.”

“Favorite?” You spat out the word, darkening at the mention of Dazai, the man who never seemed to leave your brain. It was always Dazai, Dazai, Dazai. The youngest executive there had ever been, the one who’d become the head of the Port Mafia just a few years later.

You hated him. Wished you could burn the memory of that haunted man entirely.

“Hm?” Chuuya leaned forward like he hadn’t heard you.

A bitter flavor blossomed on your tongue when you thought of saying his name out loud. “I don’t want to talk about Dazai right now.”

You brought the bottle to your lips again; it was starting to feel lighter.

“Why?” Chuuya’s eyes dimmed as he stared at you, looking for something hidden in your irises. A secret that wouldn’t be there. You’d always been too easy to read. “Did something happen?”

“I said I don’t want to talk about Dazai, and you immediately think something’s wrong?”

He blinked. Hesitated. “Well, I spent my teenage years listening to you talk about him like a lovesick fool. The subsequent years watching him stare at you in the same way.” He took the bottle away from you, tipping his head back. “Something must be wrong.”

You felt a flush at your neck, the skin itching with sweat. It was cruel of Chuuya to allude to any emotions from Dazai, when you knew they weren’t there. “That’s not true.”

Chuuya sighed. “Isn’t it?”

Although his temper had always been much worse than yours, you felt the same sort of anger claw at your back. The urge to scream at him became almost insuppressible. “Dazai doesn’t care about me like that.” You flopped down on the bar, alcohol fuzzing the edges of your senses. It felt nice, warm.

Maybe being away from the Port Mafia was better for you than you thought.

“Don’t be stupid.” Chuuya’s eyes had narrowed when your head fell forward, his fist clenching around the bottle.

“Stupid?” You immediately sat up, blood rushing straight to your head. Who was Chuuya to come and tell you everything he thought he knew? It was laughable, really. “He doesn’t care, and I think I’d know. Fuck you, Chuuya.”

You slammed your fist down on the table, hurt. You didn’t understand why Chuuya would side with Dazai when he knew how much the situation troubled you. How often had you bared your soul to him, told him how Dazai’s aloofness had hurt you over and over again?

His eyes softened, an apology immediately leaving his lips. “I’m sorry—”

“Are you?” The words were vehement. Chuuya was shamelessly against your relationship with Dazai, always coming up with one reason or another to get you out of it. Now, it seemed, he was trying to defend it. “Dazai cares or he doesn’t. You can’t keep changing your mind based on the situation.”

“Dazai does care.” Chuuya said the words like they pained him to leave his mouth, each one dragging a dagger against his chin. “You think he’d keep you around if he didn’t?”

You did. You knew that you had use outside of Dazai’s feelings, just like Chuuya, just like Akutagawa. Just like every menial grunt who had a shred of value for the Mafia.

“He cares that I have value to him.” A sigh left your lips, and you sunk your chin onto your palm, feeling like nothing more than the dramatic woman in a Shakesperian tragedy. Really, you couldn’t remember when you’d become so pathetic. “What will become of me when I can’t sink a bullet into the skull of his enemies anymore?”

Chuuya frowned, the wrinkles deepening on his forehead. “No one can predict what Dazai will do.” He let you steal his half-full glass of wine, keeping the bottle safely tucked away from you. “Would it make much difference to you if we could?”

“I suppose not.” You’d grown tired, the subtle buzz of alcohol coming in quick on your empty stomach. “Nothing matters much anymore. I’ll never leave the Port Mafia.” Saying the words out loud made it more real than you’d intended, even though it was a fact that had sunk deep into your bones the day you’d met the dark-haired, suicidal bastard. “Why do I have to love him, Chuuya? Why can’t I love a good man?”

You thought, why can’t I love you instead, and left it unsaid. The words might have been too cruel. You knew the pain of unrequited emotions.

“Because you’re in the Port Mafia. Good men would know to stay away.” Chuuya drummed his fingers against the countertop before reaching out, contemplative. Though you remained unmoving in your seat, his hand still retracted before he touched you, as if burned. There was caution in his movements, every action calculated—Chuuya was usually the opposite, as intelligent as he was. “Besides. You’ve never tried to let Dazai go. You don’t want to.”

“I want to,” you said defensively, though even to your own ears, the statement was weak. Dazai was an addiction, and you’d go back to him time and time again. Even when, sometimes, you weren’t so sure there was anything good about him. “I just don’t know how. What would I do out there in the world without Dazai?” You laughed, amused. A normal life didn’t seem possible—you’d have no idea where to start.

Chuuya’s face pinched in disgust. “Take over the Port Mafia. Kill him and run it yourself.” He huffed, running a hand over his eyes, exhausted. “There’s a solution. If you really want to get rid of him.”

You blinked back at him. A moment passed; you’d forgotten he was looking for a response.

“I suspected as much.” His shoulders slumped, defeated, as you drew back in shame. “How long will you talk yourself into this endless cycle of torment? Dazai isn’t the same man that you fell in love with, and he never will be again.” He met your eyes, cold and guarded. “There’s nothing to be done about that. If you want Dazai so badly, put up with every single part of him. I’m tired of listening to the same grievances, time and time again.”

Chuuya made to stand, but you stopped him, grabbing his wrist lightly. He glared at you from over his shoulder.

“I’m sorry,” you said, trying to convey your apology sincerely. “You’re completely right. I’ve never tried to let Dazai go, and maybe I can.”

You didn’t give Chuuya time to formulate a response. Before he could understand what was happening, you leaned forward, catching him off guard, and planted your lips on his.

For one singular moment, Chuuya had kissed you back, tasting your mouth in its entirety, before he shoved you away, scrubbing his skin like he’d been burned.

“Don’t do that.” He had a hand in your face, scolding you like a child. “Don’t ever fucking do that again.”

You stared at him; his dark eyes were full of an emotion you had never seen before. “Why not? You said I should try to let him go.”

“Not by kissing me, fucking hell.” Chuuya hissed, his voice just above a whisper like someone else was listening in. Something vile had been unleashed in him as he gesticulated around wildly. “You’re Dazai’s.” He scoffed. “Do you think any smart man would do anything with you, knowing you sleep in that monster’s bed every night?”

You sniffed, sticking your jaw out. Maybe, you’d been wrong all this time. Chuuya was like everyone else, wasn’t he? Holding you at a distance because you cared for the wrong person.

“I’m not leaving the Mafia. I’m not leaving Dazai.” You reached across the table, grabbing one of his cold hands. “I just want to be someone else for once. To know what it’s like for someone to care about me so completely.”

“It’s not going to be with me.” Chuuya yanked his hand away, laughing mirthlessly. “I never thought you’d try to manipulate me like this. “You’ve been spending too much time with him.”

Your eyes flashed, infuriated. Chuuya looked at you with some kind of betrayal, like he wasn’t the exact same way, like he wasn’t the same kind of vile person that you were. “I know you’re in love with me, Chuuya. I know you’ve looked at me since we were sixteen years old, wished so badly I would look at you the same way.”

His jaw clenched, the anger giving way to something else. “Don’t start.”

“You’ve wanted me all this time, haven’t you?” It was a genuine question; one you’d always been too scared to voice. Chuuya was the only person you considered to be a friend and knowing that he felt that way about you would ruin your friendship completely.

Though you had one sip too much of alcohol running through your veins, and you’d spent two days wondering how you could stop feeling a single thing for Dazai. Rationality had left you entirely.

Chuuya was silent, still watching you with hesitance.

“You’re the only person in the Mafia who really cares about me, aren’t you?” you said, softer, wondering if you could lure him in. Spring him into a trap you’d both be certain to regret in the morning. “You’re the one who talks to me about everything, who watches out for my well-being. Who’s never looked at me like I was anything but the prettiest girl in the world.”

And though Chuuya still didn’t trust your actions, his eyes had softened just a hair, his body releasing the tension. “You are.”

You smiled, but his compliment made you feel nothing but guilt. “Then why won’t you let me kiss you, Chuuya?”

“Because.” He scraped a hand over his face, breathing heavily like it was taking every ounce of his willpower to resist you “Dazai will kill me, you understand? He’ll kill you.”

“Wouldn’t you at least like to know?” You invaded his personal space. Each word you spoke cracked him a little bit more. “I know you’ve imagined me spread out before you, entirely exposed to you. How I’d look with my hips arching off the bed, crying out your name—”

“Stop it.”

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You felt like you were losing your mind. Something had cracked in you, and you couldn’t come back from it. Things would never go back to the way they were after those careless words had been tossed into the world. “You’ve always wanted me, so why, when I’m giving myself to you completely, won’t you accept?”

Chuuya swallowed. His voice had grown thick with desire. He raked his eyes over you cautiously. “You’re asking a lot from me, baby.” He held your cheek, grazing the bone in the gentle way that Dazai had forgotten. “Believe me, I want to. But you’ve had a lot to drink.”

“I haven’t,” you said, grabbing his wrist before he could pull away. The touch of another person felt so nice against your icy skin. “I’m okay. I’m not drunk.” You weren’t—the alcohol had just made you brave enough to ask. “Please, Chuuya.”

He swallowed thickly. “He’ll kill me.”

“And he’ll kill me. Just as you said.” You met his eyes completely, wondering why you couldn’t care for this man in the same way, why his lips weren’t as alluring as Dazai’s, why his voice didn’t set a blaze deep in your stomach. “Do you really care whether Dazai thinks of me as his?”

His cheeks were flushed, eyebrows pinched, and you spotted the moment he began to draw back. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just can’t.”

Then, you panicked, eyes becoming glassy as he released you, turning to retreat back to his bedroom, and you scrambled for another way, a way to bring him back to you.

“Chuuya, please,” you said, desperation in every syllable, and when he turned around, you knew you had him wrapped around your finger. “I just want to know what it’s like with a person who loves me. Can’t you give me that?”

That was it. That was all you had to say. When Chuuya bowed his head, you knew he’d given in.

“Why do you think I can give you what he can’t?” Chuuya’s voice was nothing more than a whisper. “I’m not that kind of man. I’m not the kind of man you’re looking for.”

“No,” you said. “You’re not that kind of man. You’re Chuuya. The only person that’s always been there for me.”

He hesitated, momentarily, before sweeping you into his arms, his touch the softest you’d ever felt. “Are you certain that you want this?”

“Yes.”

“Then it doesn’t matter if Dazai kills me.” Chuuya spoke into your mouth, carving the words into your aching heart. “You were always going to be the death of me, anyway.”

His lips were upon you again, kissing you with the hunger of a starved man, and you gave him back as much as you could, which was the despair of a lonely woman. His touch was one of loving hands as guided you back into the bedroom tenderly.

When your back hit the bed, he asked if you were okay, asked if everything was comfortable. The concern in his eyes had rarely been seen in Dazai’s own—you couldn’t remember the last time he’d taken care of you first.

“I’m fine, Chuuya,” you promised again and again, and you smiled, caressing the soft skin of his jaw.

His lips pulled back in return, and then your shirt was thrown over your head, carelessly tossed towards the corner of the room. Though, no matter how many articles of clothing you lost, the necklace that Dazai had given you still rested against your collarbone.

You cupped your palm around it, trying to avert Chuuya’s gaze as he stared down at the precious metal, something conflicting in his cool irises.

“It’s okay,” you said, doing your best to distract him. You wouldn’t take the necklace off. It didn’t matter how much Dazai had hurt you; you needed the reminder of the absolute infidelity you were committing. “Keep going.”

Feeling more anxious than you had before, you kissed Chuuya, trying to dispel the bile that gathered in the back of your throat.

“You’re so beautiful,” Chuuya said, kissing every inch of your face, his hands hovering over your chest. “I could look at you forever, and it wouldn’t be long enough.”

Chuuya’s sentiments warmed you, but words weren’t enough. You pulled his vest off, then the buttoned-shirt and every other intricate article of clothing he wore.

It felt wrong. His height was wrong. His skin felt too warm under your palm.

“When did you fall in love with me?” you asked, breathing heavily. Desire pooled in your abdomen against your will, your own heart betraying you. Still, it was nothing more than the most basic reaction of human nature, raw and primal, unaffected by the organ that was jailed within your ribcage.

Chuuya was surprised by the question, and he paused, his face just inches above your stomach. “I think I realized when I was seventeen.” He huffed out a laugh, inhaling your perfume. “It was the first time I saw Dazai kiss you. I thought I was going to be sick.” He continued kissing down your body, sliding your pants past your hips. “I’d always wanted you. I guess I just didn’t realize until then.”

You exhaled, feeling tears spring to the corners of your eyes, ones you suppressed.

Dazai had given you flowers that day. You remembered how they smelled, the rainy spring breeze. The way the sun reflected in his brown irises, melting them into candied honey that brightened his entire complexion.

“Then take me, Chuuya. If you’ve wanted me for so long, then fuck me like you mean it.”

His dark eyes flashed, but his gentle caresses never turned rough, never sped through a single moment you had together. You smiled, your expression peaceful and open when he finally slid your panties off, your cunt throbbing as his finger brushed against your swollen clit.

Chuuya took his time with you, singing praises that you hadn’t heard in a long time, and you came once around his slender fingers, the ones that were much less skilled at knowing every place you enjoyed being touched.

When he finally sunk inside you, you still felt empty, unfulfilled. You tried to lose yourself in his mouth, in the taste of wine and Chuuya, and dug your fingers into his back.

“Feel so good around me, baby.” Chuuya whispered into your skin, imprinting the words into your neck. He was careful not to leave any marks, though he wanted to, wanted to claim you as his own. “Taking me so well.”

You tugged on his hair as he kissed down your collarbone, between your breasts, his breath hot and heavy. Though you cried out, you kept your voice quiet, still fearful that someone might hear, might know exactly what kind of betrayal you’d committed.

Chuuya thrust into you slowly, so much gentler than Dazai, hitting the spot deep inside of you that had you arching off the bed. “Fuck,” he said, choking on his own breath. “You have no idea how you make me feel.” He was full of desperation, his hands digging into your hips.

“Chuuya,” you said, holding his head between your palms.

He gave you the brightest smile in return, sad and meaningful. “I know. I can feel you squeezing me tighter. Let go for me, doll.”

His hair was just as soft, but it wasn’t dark enough, wasn’t short enough. His kiss didn’t feel the same, and you felt tears blurring your vision as you realized you’d never wanted him, you only wanted Dazai, and this was all wrong.

Still, you came around him, as he was buried deep inside you, but his name never left your lips, not even as a breathy whisper, because the one that was sitting there was Osamu.

And when he pulled out of you, you stroked him with practiced laziness, moving your hands in the way you knew Dazai liked, even though Chuuya felt so much different in your palm.

Chuuya kissed you as warmth flooded into your hand, and then he was breathing heavily, collapsing onto the bed next to you. He kissed you over and over, holding you tight, and you smiled, satisfied, because at the least, you knew this was what love felt like.

You’d never get it from the man you wanted, so you’d take it from Chuuya, even if it made you feel rotten inside.

The room smelled like sex and betrayal, and Chuuya took care of you, carried you out of the bed for a bath, and gently rinsed away the sweat and grime.

You were silent for most of the time, only reassuring him when he asked if you were alright.

For the first time, maybe you were. You imagined a future where you could learn to love Chuuya, a future where you were finally able to rid yourself of Dazai and start over again.

But it was nothing more than a delusion, a dream that would never happen. Dazai was a part of your soul. You knew that and Chuuya knew that, even as he closed his eyes next to you, the woman that would never give her love to anyone else. Your heart beat and bled for Dazai Osamu, every inch of your being meant for him. It would kill you to let him go, and if he died, you’d die right alongside him.

You turned away from Chuuya, burying your face in your hands, completely unaware that he’d left the bed to sleep in the other room.

You didn’t talk to Chuuya the next morning, not when you took a private car back to Yokohama, not when you stepped foot back onto the Mafia headquarters. Things between you had soured, just as you’d suspected, and you didn’t know how to fix it, didn’t think there was any way to go back from what had happened.

Higuchi was waiting for the two of you when you walked in the door, her blazer perfectly pressed, and her shirt tucked. She greeted you with a half-smile—gesturing towards the stairs. “The boss wants to see all of us for a meeting. He said you two would be arriving at this time.”

You nodded, and Chuuya scoffed, shaking his head. “I’ll never understand his superhuman ability to know what’s happening all of the time.”

Swallowing, you followed Higuchi, trying not to hear the foreboding nature of Chuuya’s statement.

Most high-ranking Mafia members were in attendance, with Dazai at the head of the table, the dark wooden chair beside him eerily empty and welcoming. You took a seat, and Dazai’s eyes ran over you, smoothly and hastily, before a small smile appeared on his features. “No injuries?” he said, and though his tone was professional, you could hear the slightest bit of concern.

“None,” you said, and something in your voice cracked, ever so slightly.

You were such a fool. You’d never be able to hide something like this from Dazai.

He eyed you suspiciously, before sliding his glance over to Chuuya, who was as cool as usual. His face was shadowed by his hat, hiding any evidence of a sleepless night.

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, tucking his palm into his hand. “Debrief.”

Your partner gave Dazai every last detail, summarizing as best he could, and sliding in the occasional sarcastic remark as he leaned back casually in the chair. Dazai listened with boredom in his expression, drumming his fingers against the table until Chuuya’s monologue was complete.

He turned to Akutagawa, who bowed his head an immediately launched into his own assignment.

You blinked—you hadn’t realized that Akutagawa’s squad had been sent elsewhere. It made no sense for Dazai to send you with Chuuya when your own division had a separate mission.

The meeting wrapped up quickly, and the members scattered, going their own separate ways for the afternoon. Chuuya refused to meet your eye as he got up from the table, one of the last to leave the room.

As you stood, Dazai closed a hand around your wrist, his thumb brushing your pulse.

“Was the hotel alright?” he asked, his head titled curiously. “You look tired.”

You took a sharp breath.

Fuck.

“It was fine, Osamu,” you said, and when his name slipped easily from your tongue, something in him changed. He loosened the hand on your wrist before releasing it entirely, the bandaged palm falling into his lap. “Thank you.”

Dazai nodded, turning away from you, and you’d forgotten that there were still other people in the room. Akutagawa, who lingered with morbid curiosity, and his sister, who had always sort of pitied you for your tumultuous relationship, bore witness to the brief interaction.

Behind them, Chuuya stood tense, his back straight as he crossed the threshold, sparing you only a glimpse before exiting into the darkened hallway.

“Alright,” Dazai said in a hushed voice, his face schooled back into the usual, guarded expression. “I’ll see you later.”

It wasn’t much of a response, and he didn’t elaborate, keeping his steely eyes ahead as some low-ranking members trudged in for a meeting with their boss. He’d be busy all afternoon, it seemed.

You swallowed, and left, knowing that it was fruitless to try and keep a secret from him.

Chuuya waited for you outside, his arms crossed as he regarded you with a contempt that hadn’t been there before, such a contrast to the loving man you had seen last night. “This changes everything, you know?”

“I know,” you said, your voice thick with unshed tears. “I’m sorry, Chuuya.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he scoffed. “I was the fool. I made my choice.” Chuuya sighed, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I meant what I said, though. Yesterday. It was all true, and if you need anything, I’ll be here.”

You felt a chasm open in your chest, and you wished the floor would’ve swallowed you whole. You were losing everyone, it seemed, and maybe, Dazai really did have a point with his talk about suicide.

When you stepped into the bedroom, Dazai was sitting on the edge of the bed, the setting sun casting a shadow of his own reflection. He was twirling a pistol around his pointed finger, staring at the wall with blank eyes.

You shut the door quietly, your hands shaking against the golden knob.

Though you hadn’t made a sound when you walked through the door, Dazai’s gaze was on you immediately, sensing your entrance.

You’d never been able to slip past him.

“You’re back early.” Those were the first words that came to your mind, your voice breaking the uncomfortable silence. He was regarding you with disdain, his jaw set coolly. His hair turned bronze in the evening rays, loose strands scraping against the bandages.

“I am.” His jaw clenched, examining you with a singular, dark eye. You felt exposed under his gaze, laid bare for him to see no matter how much you shrouded yourself with. “You sound like you’re unhappy to see me.”

Dazai ran his finger along the trigger like he’d never held such a weapon before, the gun becoming an object of morbid fascination.

You exhaled. There was so much space between you, a distance you weren’t sure you’d ever cross again. Though you thought you knew Dazai better than anyone, in that moment, he was unreadable—a chapter of pages that had been torn out.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” you said, standing tall. Despite your nerves, you were fixated on Dazai, always drawn to him like a moth to a flame, desperate to uncover the very thing that could kill you. “I miss you every time we’re apart. You’re no stranger to my feelings.”

You could offer him that, at the very least. An undeniable truth before everything between you shattered.

Dazai stood, his dark coat billowing out behind him as he finally came to face you, suddenly seeming much taller than you remembered. And with one look, you knew that he knew. He’d always been too smart for his own good.

“I’m not certain of that any longer,” he laughed, though it was a bitter sound that clawed its way up his throat. “Why don’t you tell me the truth, instead.” Dazai stood before you with a smile that was so sweet it was almost sinister. “Aren’t you going to tell me what you did?”

You weren’t sure which one of you would blink first, caught in some deadly staring contest. Most people would’ve surrendered to him by now.

“Why?” you jutted your chin out, refusing to give in to him in any way. If you were going to die, and you were, you would make sure Dazai knew everything you’d never told him. “You already know.”

“No.” He poked the gun into your cheek, right beneath the sharp bone. He’d clicked the safety off moments before. “I want to hear you say it. You betrayed me.”

When you refused to say a word, Dazai hissed and cocked the gun. He pressed it to your temple, the metal cold against your delicate skin.

“Say it.”

You sniffed. He wasn’t giving in, and instead, stood there silently, unmoving until you finally caved. There was something about the color of his eyes. No matter how much they hardened, you still remembered the young man he used to be. The one who wasn’t quite so cold, who picked you flowers, even with blood dripping down his arm.

“Fine.” You narrowed your eyes. “I fucked Chuuya.”

Dazai blinked. Then, he started laughing. Crazily, maniacally. You saw too much of your old boss in him that it made you sick.

“Shameless.” Dazai took a step back and dropped the gun to his side.

“What?” you sneered, pressing yourself up against him, refusing to be intimidated by the man that had been yours for years. “Should I be ashamed?”

Dazai’s eyes flashed, his jaw clenching. “Yes,” he said, fists curling at his sides. “After everything I’ve done for you.” Dazai grew quieter, flicking a strand of hair out of your face. “Do you feel no remorse?”

“You can’t be serious. What have you done for me, Dazai?” You grew still, grabbing his wrist before he could touch you again. “You’re not upset I was with another man; you’re just upset that it was Chuuya.”

You poked him in the chest, a hot stream of air exhaling through your nose.

“I gave you everything, didn’t I?” The two of you spoke at each other, avoiding the answers, never acknowledging what the other had to say. Around and around you went, an endless circle until one of you finally conceded. “I’ve given you the world, and you still wanted more.” Dazai finally broke free of your loose grasp, stroking your cheek. “What can Chuuya give you that I can’t? I ask for nothing but honesty.”

There was no jealousy in the tone, no sorrow; it was the most genuine question he’d asked you in months. The inquiry of a man who’d lost sight of himself in the past few years, and who’d somehow, over time, forgotten what it meant to care for another.

“You gave me nothing,” you said, but somewhere along the way, your cheeks had grown wet. You’d been struck by the sudden affection in his voice, the softness harsher than a slap to the face.

He was a horrible man, the worst kind of man. Yet, you couldn’t imagine a life without him, a world where you existed alone.

The truth rested at the edge of your tongue. It wouldn’t solve much, your affection for him never had solved much, but at least he would understand.

“This was never about wanting more. I never wanted Chuuya. You’re a fool if you think that.”

Dazai was silent. You pressed on.

“I wanted you. I’ve only ever wanted you. I’ve devoted my entire life to you. I do everything you ask.” You were breathing heavily, big gulping breaths that contained minimal oxygen. “I asked for nothing in return. Nothing but for you to care about me, and you never did.”

“Is that the case?” Dazai laughed humorlessly.

You ignored him, your confession leaving on one heavy breath, a string of words incomprehensible to your ears. “But Chuuya loves me. He always has, and he made certain I knew that.” You paused, averting your eyes. The entire city could be seen from the window over his shoulder. “He told me all of that, and you know what I thought the whole time?”

Dazai scowled.

“I wished that he was you instead. I wanted it to be you so badly, I wanted it to be you saying those things to me, kissing me like I was the most important thing in the world.” You took his wrist again, pressing the gun back to your temple. The cool metal was almost soothing against your skin. “Please, Dazai. Give me this one last thing. I’m begging you to kill me. I can’t take this any longer.”

His finger rested on the trigger.

“I want it to be you. I’ve never wanted to die at anyone’s hands but your own.” His hand felt just as it always had in your palm, his fingers much longer, but his skin so soft. It was almost comforting, how familiar he was, and you longed to be a part of him, to bury yourself deep within him and wear his skin as your own.

Dazai’s expression twitched, and you smiled at him, the taste of salty tears spilling into your mouth.

As you closed your eyes, you prepared for the noise, hoping your blood splattered on Dazai’s coat and stained it, the proof of your existence inerasable. You hoped that Dazai would grow to regret it, would realize that your love for him was close to unconditional.

But the violence never came. The cool metal fell away from your skin, and when you opened your eyes again, Dazai’s shoulders had slumped, the very image of defeat.

“Do you honestly think I can bring myself to kill you?”

“What’s the matter?” you asked, blinking your eyes open. You reached for the gun again, but he drew back, as if stung. “Afraid to lose your best assassin?”

“No.” Dazai’s eyes were hard, his frown set deep into his face. “I’m afraid to lose the woman I love. The most important person in the world to me.”

You stared. Blinked. Then, the worst kind of emotion washed over you.

You swallowed over and over, trying to get the bile out of your throat. You’d wanted to be done, wanted to escape. And yet—

“Don’t say that.” you shook your head, backing away as Dazai inched closer, too close and you felt yourself getting sucked back in, remembering that you’d loved him for years, and you’d never love anyone else. “Fuck you, Dazai. Stop toying with me, and just kill me."

“I love you. I thought you knew that my darling angel.”

You were crying harder, shaking your head. “I don’t believe you. You don’t care about me.”

“No?” Dazai had grabbed your wrist again, but it was so soft. “I thought you were smarter than that. Did you think you were partnered with Akutagawa at random, and not for the sole reason that I knew he’d do everything in his power to protect you? Did you think I moved your seat next to me at meetings because you were nothing more than my stupid whore? Bought you everything you ever wanted because I couldn’t stand you?”

“Yes,” you said, sniffing, feeling yourself melt where he touched you, itching to reach up and pull the bandages off his face, see the beautiful features beneath them that he hid from the world. “You don’t care about me."

“I do care,” he said, fingers grazing your chin. “I’ve killed for you. I took over the Port Mafia so I could give you everything you wanted. Why wasn’t that enough?”

“Because I never wanted that. I never wanted any of this. I wanted you, Dazai Osamu. That was all.”

Dazai frowned, and then he bowed his head, kissed your neck, then around your earlobe, and it was the softest you’d ever felt in your entire life, a gentleness you hadn’t known he was capable of. When his hands snaked around your stomach, pulling you back against him, you were lost in his adoration.

“You never said anything,” he said, kissing your shoulder, breaking the tension in the muscles. You were his, in every lifetime, you’d be his. “I thought you were… happy?”

“How could you think that? I’m not happy, Dazai. I’ve never been less happy.”

“Not even when I tell you that I love you?” he kissed your knuckles.

“Do you love me enough to be a better man? Do you love me enough to let me sleep in your bed and see your whole heart instead of the fragmented pieces that you sliced up just to hide?”

“Yes.” The word was resounding, resolute. “I love you enough to forgive you.”

You held him at a distance, lips falling apart easily. “But I don’t want to forgive you.”

“You will.” Dazai smiled, that irritatingly knowing smile of his that you’d fallen for in the first place. “You will because I mean it this time.”

“You never apologized,” you looked away, trying to find the strength to move. You were enraptured, in every fiber of his being. “You never will. You never do.”

“I never knew anything was wrong,” he frowned, and it wasn’t the truth, but it wasn’t a lie, and you had him so close that you just wanted to forget anything had ever changed. “How was I to fix it if you never told me?”

His words were full of poison, but his voice was so soft you couldn’t help but fall back into him. Perhaps, you should’ve said something. Maybe your actions had never been enough.

“How long have I been at your side, spent hours listening to your every word, even when they didn’t make sense to me? You should’ve known, Dazai. I shouldn’t have to tell you something like that.” Your words were losing their bite, and his lips quirked up, knowing that you were slowly coming back to him, clearing you of the sins you had committed.

He was hesitant, thoughtful, before pressing a kiss to your forehead. And perhaps, that was the final straw in your resistance, his gentle kiss enough to set your soul on fire.

“I’m sorry, my love,” Dazai said, his lips ghosting over yours, handing over the apology like a gift. “Won’t you give me a chance to fix it now?” It felt like a bad idea. Dazai wasn’t deserving of any more chances; you’d already given him years of second chances, had always given him the benefit of the doubt.

“You expect me to believe you’ll let us off scot-free?” you said, your face deadly close to Dazai’s. “What about Chuuya? Will you kill him in my place.”

“You’ve got me in your hand, love. If you want me to punish Chuuya, just say the word. I’ll kill him if that’s what you want.”

It wasn’t. That was the farthest thing from what you wanted, but you worried that if you sounded too enthusiastic, he might just follow through with it.

Instead, you pulled him to you, grabbing the dark tie that he wore around his neck. He grinned into your lips, his saccharine smile seeming much too deadly to be all that sweet. “Do you honestly think I believe a word that you’re saying?”

“You want to,” Dazai said, curling his hand around your jaw, his fingers brushing your ear. “That’s what matters the most.” He kissed your lips, and you could taste the difference, all the love he poured into it this time. It wasn’t like kissing a statue. “It’s all true, anyway.”

You broke away, breathing. “I won’t do this anymore, Dazai.” You finally had his hand in your own, placing the gun back to your temple. “You’re not the man you once were, and you’ll never be him again.” The smile that graced your lips was sad, though it was knowing. Things were always going to end this way.

Dazai’s face wrinkled as he tried to decipher all the words you’d never spoken. “I’m not the same man, that’s true, but my affection for you has never died.” He cupped his other hand around your cheek, hesitantly keeping the gun to your temple, squinting with his head bent.

“You’re the leader of the Port Mafia, and such a ruthless man wouldn’t let a betrayal go unscathed.”

There was a wave of silence while the two of you stared at one another, sifting through the situation with hardness in your jaws, the tension palpable within the air. Dazai straightened, clarity in his irises as a smooth smile burned onto his lips.

“Is that what you want?” he said innocently. “You want to be punished for your insurrections?”

Your mouth grew dry, but you held your ground firmly, swallowing back all the uncertainty. Perhaps you didn’t want to die. Perhaps you did. You just hated the gaping hole inside of you that never seemed to leave. “I want you to kill me.”

“Kill you?” Dazai laughed, then the hilt of the gun was against your temple once more. He held your chin steady between his forefinger and thumb, regarding you with thinly veiled disgust. “You’ve never wanted that before. Not when I asked you to die alongside me, to follow me far into the afterlife.” He sighed, releasing your chin before cocking the gun. “This isn’t about death at all.”

“What—”

“You want me to claim you, is that it?” He clicked his tongue before leaning forward, sneering. “Perhaps it’s that other way around. You want everyone in the Mafia to know I belong to you, hm?’

You blinked, though you began to feel weak in the knees, the eyes that you knew so well suddenly intimidating. “I never said—” but even then, your voice wavered, unsteady and uncertain of the immediate heat that had swirled under your skin.

Dazai’s mouth curled, a gruesome smile there. “I know you better than anyone. I’ve always known exactly what you want. Even though I shouldn’t forgive you, I can’t help myself.”

You swallowed, and Dazai had taken a step forward, pushing you with him, the gun still swaying at your temple, even when the backs of your thighs hit the bed. You fell onto the mattress, and he was on top of you, his finger caressing the trigger as he collapsed.

Dazai had never scared you, not even when he was a child you’d barely known, the teenager shaped in Mori’s image. Though, now, the unreadable expression on his face was alarming you, and you wondered if all this time, you should’ve been fearful.

Still, even with your underlying hesitance, you felt a wave of desire crash over you at the sheer need in his eyes. It wasn’t something you were unfamiliar with, but there was something else there. Maybe it was the love you’d just never noticed.

“Osamu,” you said in a quiet voice, not afraid, but not confident either. Your finger brushed the point on his wrist—it was the same heartbeat you’d always recognized.

“What?” he said, taunting you menacingly as he towered above you. “You were so bold just a second ago? What happened, darling?”

Unable to do anything but blink back at him, Dazai brought his thumb to your lips, brushing it across the plump skin before dipping it into your mouth.

Unprepared, you nearly choked, eyes blown wide as you stared back at him. Though, there was a command within his eyes, and you obliged, sucking as you watched the saliva drip down to his palm. Dazai pulled it away from your mouth with an obscene pop, giving you a sweet smile from his position above you.

Despite your humiliation, you shifted your hips on the bed, bringing your thighs together to provide you with a fraction of relief. Dazai’s eyes flashed at the movement, his smirk widening with an amusement.

“You’re nothing more than a dumb slut, aren’t you?” Dazai’s hand ghosted of your stomach, settling on the inside of your thigh momentarily. You ached with need, swallowing your pride and any demands that you could make of him. “Had Chuuya all to yourself this weekend, and still expect me to fuck you senseless.”

Your brow furrowed, and you opened your mouth before shutting it, lips still covered in your own spit. “Osamu,” you began, attempting to diffuse the situation, to explain that what had transpired between you and Chuuya meant nothing, but he never gave you the opportunity. “It wasn’t—”

Dazai’s gaze hardened, the adoration disappearing the moment you dared to speak. His fingers deftly wrapped around your throat, thrusting you into the mattress with enough force to quiet you entirely. “Shut up. If I want to hear you speak, I’ll ask. Understand?”

You could do nothing but nod, hating yourself for the ache that had grown more and more intense in your core, desperate for some sort of contact. Dazai, distracted with his own task of tearing your top off, had failed to notice the breathing that had grown heavier, the flush of heat that spread on every inch of your body.

His slender fingers finally removed the confining pants, a task he did skillfully with one hand still wrapped around your throat. Then, his fingers were against your aching cunt, and you twitched, letting out a heavy sound from the singular movement. You could feel yourself pulsing against nothing, desperate for his fingers between your legs.

“Pathetic,” he said, his fingers lazily dipping through your folds over your underwear. “I’ve barely touched you. How can you be this fucking wet?”

“Please,” you said quietly, your own hand aching to take over, if only to provide yourself that relief that he refused to give you. Every time you shifted into his hand, he brought it away, taunting you with the release you so craved.

“Please?” Dazai was mocking, cruel, every bit of the person people expected him to be. The one he never had been with you, not until recently. “You’re nothing more than a greedy little whore. Must have been why you fucked Chuuya without a second thought, huh?”

You were silent, staring him down with a clenched jaw. Your brain was twisting, betraying you, turning into empty cells within your skull, and you weren’t sure how to handle the accumulation of emotions that you felt for the man before you, the one who’s love had always been purposeful and merciless.

“Well?” he said, tightening a hand to close off the air to your lungs, trapping you with his strength. “Answer me.”

“No,” you gasped, and when your words sounded choked, when you clawed at his wrist, he loosened his grip just a hair, the only indication that the man you loved was in there at all. Still, your hips acted of their own accord, shifting further into his hand. “I’m sorry, Osamu, I am.” You felt tears prick at the corner of your eyes as he finally slipped his fingers under your panties, rubbing your aching clit. “I wanted you; I needed you and you were never there, but Chuuya was, and—”

You were a stammering mess of desperation and regret, feeling unglued under Dazai’s hands, like the words you’d been meaning to say could finally come out. He was the only one who’d ever listened to you completely, who you’d felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable with. Yet, it had been so long since you’d let yourself be open with him, and now that the opportunity arose, you were too weak to deny it.

“I was always here,” Dazai said harshly, and you were almost certain that his anger was genuine, the tone breaking in his voice a result of true sadness. “You never came to me, and I thought that’s how you wanted it to be.” His fingers sunk into you, and you threw your head back into the pillow, moaning sinfully with the lewd sound of him sinking in and out of you, the wetness collecting with every movement.

“You never showed me you cared,” you cried out, certain that there were tears streaming down your cheeks, and you should’ve been humiliated. It was humiliating—the way you were clothed in nothing, crying as Dazai laughed at you, taking full control over your body. How he could’ve done anything to you in that moment, and you would’ve let him, because that was just how much you wanted him.

“And Chuuya was the solution?” He grabbed your cheeks with the hand that had once been around your throat, pinching them to make you look at him. “You going to pass yourself around the rest of the Mafia, sweetheart? Who’ll get a taste of you next? I’m not so certain even Akutagawa would pass up the opportunity.”

His words were senseless, meant to hurt you, and you still couldn’t stand the anguish that was in his eyes.

“No,” you said, and you leaned up, wanting so badly for his lips to be on yours, to feel some semblance of the connection that you’d always had with him. “I wouldn’t, Dazai, I’m yours.” You choked on the sounds of your own moans, your thighs shaking with every change in pressure. “I’m yours. Please, I need you.”

You were certain there were marks on your neck from his fingertips, and Dazai ghosted his mouth along the delicate skin there, biting at the soreness from before. You jerked, digging your nails into his back as you drew closer and closer to your climax.

“Don’t make demands.” Dazai leaned back, and you missed the closeness, the sharp scent of him lingering in your space. “Chuuya hasn’t been a part of this conversation yet. Should we get him up here? I hadn’t considered what to do with him, but this might suffice.”

Dazed and drunk on the feeling of his hands all over you, it took you a moment to process what he was saying. His hand was already swiping through his phone, picking the number of the man that you least wanted to see.

“No, Osamu, don’t—” you cried out, and yet, you made no move to stop him. Instead, you remained pliant on the bed as he sunk another finger into you, his thumb moving in agonizing circles against your clit. He tucked the cellphone under his chin, smiling at you maliciously, controlling you with every blink of his lashes.

You had always had trouble resisting him. Now was no different.

Chuuya answered as you released another moan, and Dazai was grinning wickedly, as if some larger scheme had finally come together, the culmination of everything he was plotting. “Boss?”

“Chuuya,” Dazai said, and you flinched, locking gazes with his deep brown irises, the color so alluring and beautiful, a shade that had darkened with each misfortune you’d endured together. You hated him, you did, but there was a fine line between the two, and your love for him would die with you, would transcend whatever simple rules the afterlife placed on Earth. “How quickly can you make it up here?”

You could hear the hesitation on the other side; Chuuya didn’t say anything for a moment.

“A couple minutes, I think. I haven’t left the building.”

“I’ll give you a couple minutes then.” Dazai’s words were clipped as he hung up the phone, throwing it to the arm chair a few feet away from the bed.

His attention was back on you completely as you let out a shaky breath, trying to regain some semblance of composure before Chuuya came into the room. Though it was so hard when the pools in his irises were pulling you deeper, locking you into a heaven that you’d never been able to reach.

Dazai pulled away briefly, his soaking fingers leaving your body to alleviate his cock from the confines of his dark pants, hovering before you.

You swallowed, not able to remember the last time your desire for him ached this badly. Your eyes trained on the very part of him that you wanted inside of you, the tip flushed so beautifully. There was nothing on your mind but him, how you wanted every part of him, even if it meant enduring misery after misery, and Chuuya was right—if you were to love Dazai, you needed to love every part of him, even when it seemed impossible.

A whine escaped you and you were reaching out to him, knowing he’d never let you live down your humiliation, but the future was not a part of your logical thinking, not now. “Want you inside me.”

“Surely you can hold off for a few minutes,” Dazai said, though the way his toned chest pressed to your own, and how he kissed your face with a tenderness you’d forgotten made it nearly impossible for you to refrain. “So desperate for my cock.”

You wanted to touch yourself—you would’ve, had you not been so nervous of the fact that Chuuya could come in at any minute.

“Tell him to leave,” you said, dragging your fingers through his hair, finally kissing him like you’d been wanting to, and the sound was sinful, heavy with lust as you forced a taste into his mouth, wishing every part of him was a part of you too. “I don’t want him or anyone else, just you, I promise—”

Dazai cut you off and ignored your pleas; he smiled against your lips, though it was anything but kind. “I think he’ll enjoy seeing you like this, won’t he? You’ve got such a filthy mouth on you when you’re fucked properly.” He kissed his way down your chest, resting his face just above your breasts. “I bet Chuuya didn’t see this side of you, did he?” Dazai licked a circle around your nipple, tugging it between his teeth. “I’ve done nothing but call you names and you’re dripping all over the sheets.”

You shook your head, feeling pained by how badly you wanted release.

“Of course not.” Dazai sat back up like he could sense Chuuya approaching from the other side of the door, his presence bold and detectible. “He’s forgotten what’s mine, after all.” He smiled at you once more, kissing you with a kind of love that only he could portray, the kind that was nowhere close to innocent. “Don’t cum until I tell you to. Be good for me, okay?”

Dazai had always known what to say to you, even when your relationship was falling apart, even when you hated him more than you loved him. His words could be so tender, the praise melted in with the unkind quips of his tongue. It was the gentlest tone he’d used since your clothes had come off, and you couldn’t help but melt under him, nodding like you’d give him anything he asked of you.

Of course you would.

Dazai traced your features delicately, grinning maniacally, ears attuned to the quiet that broke from the footsteps approaching. His cock was lined up against your dripping hole, and it took every ounce of restraint not to plant yourself on it, trying so hard to please him, the sinful man who held too much power over you.

“You’re so pretty like this, aren’t you? My beautiful little whore, always willing to take whatever I give you.”

“’Samu,” you babbled, blinking away the tears as you latched onto him, wishing you could spare yourself the humiliation, but too drunk on him to care. He shifted you forward, taking your thighs in his hands and placing them around his waist. “I can’t take it all at once—”

“You’ve done it before. Do it again.” He growled, squeezing your throat once more in one smooth motion, thrusting into you. And though you had doubted how prepared you were, he slid into you easily, already so loose and pliant from his fingers. “See? Never forgot the shape of me, sweetheart. Even after you’ve been with another man.”

You let out a choked moan as Chuuya walked into the room, lost in the ache and the burn and the pleasure that came with loving and fucking Dazai.

There was one singular pass of silence before Chuuya spoke, letting the door shut with a quiet click on the hinge. “Boss—” Chuuya was hesitant, though his eyes were immediately drawn to you, raking over your blissed-out form. “You said to—” His hand was still on the knob, though he was distracted, and tears pricked at the corners of your eyes, ashamed but so full of want that it ached.

“Come in, Chuuya,” Dazai said sharply, his words solid and commanding, and you couldn’t help it when you clenched around him, drawing him further into you with nails scraping down his back. “We should discuss something.”

“Well, can we talk about it when you’re not in the middle of fucking your girl?” Chuuya asked, swallowing down the desire he hid so poorly. His cheeks had flushed, words just on the edge of stumbling and slurring together. “Another time, maybe.”

“This is the perfect time, actually,” Dazai stopped moving, already breathing heavily above you as you stared, whined, needing so badly for him to stop teasing you. “Besides,” his eyes drifted knowingly to Chuuya’s obvious erection as he laughed darkly. “I don’t think you mind so much.”

Dazai pulled back painfully slowly before sinking into you with a quicker thrust, your back arching off the mattress to catch even more of him inside of you. A barely noticeable sweat had broken against his hairline, and you stared at him, mouth slightly agape in awe at the boss of the Port Mafia, the one you somehow had wrapped around your little finger.

Your breathing had grown unsteady as his cock got deeper and deeper inside of you, hitting where you’d never been quite able to get with your fingers, the thickness of him catching on every sensitive part inside of you. His hand was back between your legs, rubbing circles on your clit, and you weren’t sure you could last much longer, not as he carried on a conversation with Chuuya, who watched you with darkened eyes, barely holding himself back.

“Please, Osamu,” you were practically begging now, your cheeks glistening with wetness as you clawed at the muscles between his shoulder blades, surely leaving bruises all down his spine. “Please, please, let me cum.”

Dazai made a tsk noise in the back of his throat. “Not yet. I don’t think you deserve it quite yet, does she, Chuuya?”

Chuuya sniffed, shifting uncomfortably as his pants grew tighter. “Gonna punish her all day, boss? Such a pretty thing should get what she wants, shouldn’t she?”

Dazai dropped his chest closer to you, going deeper into you, and you cried out his name, though your eyes were still locked with Chuuya, as if he were going to be your savior. You remembered how gently he’d touched you, how careful he was, and you wondered why you’d ever wanted that at all.

“Chuuya thinks he can fuck you better than me, darling, but you know that’s not true, don’t you? He’d spoil you too much, but this is what you want, right? You want to be called a stupid fucking cockslut.” Dazai grinned against your lips, whispering in a breath that only you could hear. “Just so that at the end of it all, you’ll be my good girl.”

You whimpered, soaking him as you clenched harder. Your brain had gone numb from the feeling of him. Dazai was smiling viciously, but you could see the underlying tenderness.

“She looks so pretty right now, doesn’t she Chuuya? Not a single thought in that beautiful little head of hers.” He smiled at him knowingly, dark hair flopping into his eyes as the rest of the loose tendrils stuck to his forehead. “You’re lucky. You’ve gotten two chances to see her now. Twice as many as most men who fantasize about fucking a woman that sleeps in another man’s bed.”

Chuuya’s voice was raw, his words cracked. “You’re sick, Dazai,” he said, clenching his hands into fists. “Putting on a show like this just to punish me.”

“You and I both know you’re enjoying this.” Dazai traced your cheeks sweetly, kissing your lips deeply. You let out a strangled breath into his mouth, something on the precipice of a moan. “Can you do one thing for me, pretty girl? One more, then I’ll let you cum, how’s that?”

You nodded, desperately, as Dazai’s fingers finally dipped back down, rubbing agonizingly light circles.

“Tell Chuuya who’s making you feel this way,” Dazai said, pushing your face away from him to stare straight into Chuuya’s dark eyes. “Tell him who you love the most.”

“You,” you gasped out, clenching tighter around him. What an easy request to make—you’d never loved anyone else. “I’m in love with you.”

Dazai sniffed, though he was patient, slowing his thrusts almost to a stop. “Not good enough. I need you to be more specific.”

You cried out, locking your ankles onto his hips, trying to force him back into you. But Dazai didn’t budge, watching you until you provided the answer that he so desired. “I love you, Dazai.”

He frowned, shaking his head once more. “My name. Say it. It sounds so sweet from your lips.”

“Osamu,” you choked out. “I love you, Osamu. I love you. I love you.”

Dazai finally smiled above you, gently tracing your cheeks with his thumb as he slowed down the pace of his hips. “I love you too, darling.” His words were soft, whispered into your lips before he turned away, meeting eyes with Chuuya across the room. “See?”

Chuuya was glowering, stiff as a board, his face pink, and his legs shaky. “I got it, Boss.” He choked out, though his eyes were on you, unable to leave your body, even as he tried so hard to be polite. His aching cock strained against his pants, and he breathed sharply, swallowing over and over. “Do I need to be here any longer?”

Dazai laughed, and you thought he looked so pretty when he did that, his smile flashing wide and alluring, the corners of his eyes crinkling marginally. “Never said you had to stay. I figured you’d want to watch her come undone one last time.”

Chuuya, for as noble as he wanted himself to be, made no move to leave, glued to the spot on the floor beyond your bed. He was just across the room, but you couldn’t focus on anyone but Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, Dazai, the man who you’d killed and bled and committed horrible acts for.

You said his name again, scrambling to bring his attention back to you, hands on his face with a desperation you didn’t realize you’d possessed.

And Dazai, with the kindness of a man he wasn’t, placed his hands just above your stomach, leaving kisses across your chin as he thrust into you, sweetly, menacingly, one last time. “You did so good, my love. You can cum now. Make a mess all over my cock, beautiful.”

You jerked, squeezing around him as you felt the pressure in you finally release, the colors shifting and changing between your high as Dazai brought you in and out of an orgasm, his words reaching your muddled brain with soothing noises. Your body twitched as your muscles spasmed, sweat gathering in the space under your knees. There was little in your mind, save for the dark-haired man that had quickly become your whole world.

You smiled lazily, lacing your fingers with Dazai as you slowly began to come back to yourself. The world around you was empty. Chuuya had all but disappeared into a block of nothingness as you stared into the world itself. If there was no Dazai, there was no you, and it was as simple as that. He was everything you’d ever wanted—you’d be a fool to ever left him go.

As you regained your breathing, still sensitive all over, Dazai came inside you, spilling hot release into you, and you couldn’t bring yourself to care, too busy being satisfied with the feeling of him all over you. His hands never left you—he was delicate, caring, pressing loving touches into your skin as you recovered from your high.

“I’m yours, Osamu,” you said, closing your eyes as you basked against the bed, wanting nothing more than to curl up against him, bury yourself in the warmth of another body.

He smiled against your cheeks, lips flushed and bruised. “I know you are,” he said to you only, before pulling away. You shivered, but opened your eyes, and he’d already held the gun out to you, presenting it as an offering. “That’s why you’ll be the one to kill him.”

It took you all of ten seconds to remember who him was, and that the man who had borne witness to your most intimate moments with Dazai had not disappeared and was still gawking at you from the corner of the room.

“What?” you asked stupidly, your jaw falling open.

“You heard me.” Dazai pressed the pistol into your palm, curling your fingers around the handle. It was like ice against your hot body, and though it’d been years since your first time firing such a weapon, you suddenly felt like you were there again, uncertain, and afraid of the dangerous firearm. “Kill him.”

You stared at Chuuya, the honest man who, even despite his rough exterior, had been there for you since you were kids. You remembered how the three of you had been so close, for such a long time, until Dazai had gone and killed Mori and fucked it all up.

It felt wrong. The entire situation was wrong, and it never should’ve come to this.

“It’s Chuuya,” you said with tired eyes, something in your voice pleading and desperate.

Dazai shrugged, holding you close against him as you struggled to sit up in the bed. Your muscles ached and you were still so sensitive, but reality was coming back to you. This was all a mess, and you wanted so badly to feel shame at everything you had done, but you were trying so hard just to–

“You’d think I’d let him live after what he did?”

“Osamu.” You weren’t sure you could bear it. You’d always sworn to kill whatever adversary Dazai and the Port Mafia faced, but Chuuya would always be an exception. You wanted him in your life as much as you wanted Dazai, someone you could trust without fail, who would listen to you complain even when it hurt him. “I won’t do it. He’s my friend. I thought he was yours too.”

Dark eyes full of disdain met your own, and he pinched your jaw once more, a mixture of devastating anger. “I can’t allow a traitor to live. I’ll kill him if you won’t. Then, I’ll kill you. Then myself.”

You shoved him away, suddenly wishing you weren’t so exposed, on display in the middle of the room. “Then fucking do it already, Dazai. What are you waiting for?” A tear broke free from your eye, and you wiped it furiously, not giving him a chance to mock you.

“Stop.” Chuuya finally spoke, his voice drawing your attention like a commandment, and you fell silent, refocusing on him as he bowed before you, dropping to his knees. Eyes locked onto your own without a single fear, cruel acceptance surrounding dark pupils. “It’s alright. I deserve to die. I’ve broken your trust, boss. I might as well be a traitor to the Mafia.” He swallowed, though he was unwavering. “I don’t want to live with this feeling any longer.”

“Don’t say that.” you spat, hating that such a strong man was giving himself over, exposing every weary weakness that he’d come to carry. “You don’t mean it.”

“I do.” He sighed, straightening his spine as he leaned forward towards your hand, much as you had done before, and you realized that this was such a sick, twisted change of fate. That the affection you’d always doubted was real after all, but Chuuya was still left playing the fool.

Perhaps, you were of the same vein, wanting desperately to die in the heavenly hand of the one you loved most. You could understand him for that. You could grant him one final wish.

“Do you regret any of it?” Dazai asked, as the wheels in your head spun, the decision dawning upon you, handed over from the ancient tragedies, rival even to the gloomy romances of Shakespeare.

Chuuya shifted towards the other man, looking into his cold, distant eyes. “No,” he said honestly, his jaw set. “I don’t regret it because now I know she’ll never love me. She’s all yours Dazai. Always has been. Always will be. Does that satisfy you?”

There wasn’t an ounce of fury in his expression when Dazai smiled back.

“You heard him,” Dazai said, lifting your limp arm by the elbow, pointing it like a skilled tutor. The gun was on Chuuya’s forehead, between his eyebrows, and your finger was on the trigger. Dazai’s whisper was like the Devil on your shoulder, and you were falling fast, your last shred of morality burnt from papery resolve. His hand supported your weakened muscles, guiding you along like you’d never before committed such an act. “You’re an assassin, aren’t you?”

You stiffened, narrowing your eyes before cocking the gun, mustering up the last bit of strength you had left. Chuuya couldn’t have looked more prepared for death, and you basked in Dazai’s prideful smile as he branded it into the crook of your neck.

“You’re certain?” you said to Chuuya, once more, hand no longer shaking despite your guilt.

The man, nothing more than a victim, nodded, and he had the audacity to smile, to look peaceful about his release from this life.

“I’m sorry, Chuuya. You shouldn’t have to bear the weight of my sin.” “It’s mine to carry, just as it is yours,” he scoffed, eyes hard with resolve. “Of all the things that would land me in Hell, I hardly believe this is the worst.”

You nodded, regrettably, and took a steely breath, erasing the heat the stung behind your eyes.

Then, you pulled the trigger. You waited for Chuuya’s brains to stain your floors, for the remnants of his skull to shatter all across the wall behind him. For the life to slowly drain from his stunningly bright eyes, leaving you with nothing but a corpse that would rot away wherever Dazai chose to toss his body.

Though, none of those things happened, and you stared at each other with fierce incredulity, knowing that you’d unwillingly become puppets in Dazai’s dramatic play, a show put on for no one’s entertainment but his own.

You’d been completely senseless, an idiot, really. The gun had felt lighter than usual, and you’d ignored it, even when you should’ve known it housed no bullets.

“Dazai?” you said in a low voice, dangerously, twisting to look at him from over your shoulder. An anger you’d never felt before had bubbled up inside of you, your heart thundering with a fierceness you hadn’t realized was a part of you. “There’s no bullets.”

“Obviously,” he scoffed, taking the gun away like it was but a toy, throwing it onto the armchair in the corner. “I’d never kill the strongest ability-user in the Mafia. You both should know me better by now.”

You scowled, the ugly expression marring your face, and Dazai frowned, leaning forward to appease you. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“You played me for a fool. Was all of this an act?” you cried, wondering if maybe Dazai had been lying this entire time. Maybe all those sweet words he said had never been true, and you had fallen for them anyway, like the mindless pawn you were.

“Which part?” Dazai asked, but you could tell that he knew what answer you sought, what lies you wanted to unveil.

“You know which part,” you said, moving away from him, not sure what emotion to grant control. You felt an intense amount of fury, misery, and pity for yourself, who’d never asked Dazai for anything but to be on your side, and he still couldn’t give you that. “Fuck you, Dazai.”

Your lip quivered, but if you’d begun to cry, shame would swallow you up and drown you in the dark abyss of misery. You would have no other choice but to throw yourself out the window, where everyone in the Port Mafia could bear witness to all the ways that Dazai had ruined you.

“Boss—”

Chuuya’s sentence was cut off sharply.

You’d tried to climb out of the bed, but Dazai had grabbed your wrist, stopping you before you could escape from him once and for all. Though he spoke to Chuuya, his eyes were hard on you, never leaving the set he stared into as you swallowed over and over, trying to think of anything but the sick feeling in your chest.

“You can leave now, Chuuya. Consider this your lucky day.” His voice was icy, threatening, and though Chuuya lingered a moment before climbing to his feet, he spared you nothing but a small glance in return.

You inhaled, then exhaled, trying to stop the simmering of blood within your veins, feeling the heavy weight of his hand on your wrist. As you sat there in silence, waiting for him to be the one to break it, you started to wonder how much of this was really Dazai’s fault, and how much you were the one to blame.

“It was a test.” Dazai tried to bring your attention back to him, letting only a fragment of emotion drain into his voice, though it was enough to slowly, slowly pique your fascination once more. “That was all.”

You wet your lips, though your tongue was just as papery. “So none of it was real.”

“What do you mean?” Dazai came to sit in front of you, his skin pale in the dark lighting, and you could see the cracks in his facade, and maybe this splinter in your failing relationship would slowly begin to heal itself. “Everything I said was very much real.”

His soft fingertips traveled up your arm, curling around your shoulder, across your collarbone, before settling in that delicate space between your jaw and your ear. There was a starry look in his eyes, the twin pair that had been exposed.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” you said, scrunching your face in remorse, wanting to slither away from him, even as he drew you closer, close enough to smell the expensive cologne he wore, the liquor that he favored when you were away. His hair had been freshly washed, and the smell of shampoo still lingered, even under the thin layer of sweat.

“Why would you do something like that to me?” Dazai countered, the hurt not veiled in the slightest this time, and it didn’t take a genius to know what he was talking about. Heat flooded to your cheeks, and you were looking away, wondering why he was pulling you close to his chest when he should be hating you with the passion of a thousand fiends. “How could I trust you after that?”

You parted your lips to speak, but your jaw was locked, and the inside of your mouth tasted like cotton.

“I’m not a good man,” Dazai said, kissing the shell of your ear, your temple, and you squeezed your eyes shut, clinging to his bicep. “You’ve always known this. Yet, for as often as you talk about me with disgust dripping from your words, I’ve never sought to bring you pain.” He breathed in deeply, and you buried your face into his chest, wondering how much longer it’d be before you wept. “You’ve caused me pain.”

You tried to cry out, to tell him that you never thought it would hurt him, but he’d seen the very same in you, hadn’t he? You’d never given him any indication that the coldness in his words was bothering you, that the blurred lines of your relationship were getting confusing and hurtful, and he had done the same.

“We’re not good for each other, Osamu,” you whispered quietly, your lip quivering. The weight of your voice shattered against your vocal cords.

He let out a breathy laugh, smiling against your forehead. “On the contrary, I think we’re the perfect fit.”

For what reason he believed that, you weren’t sure.

You clenched your jaw tight, but it didn’t stop the feeling of tears from overwhelming you, hot droplets that spilled heavy from your eyes, running off your chin to Dazai’s chest. Your hands shook, clenched around his arms so tightly you were sure you were breaking the skin.

Dazai pulled away, monitoring your face with concern. You hated the way he looked at you with such pity when he was the reason for such pain. Yet, you couldn’t help but curl into him, warm, never wanting to escape from his reverence. “Why are you crying, my sweet angel?”

Nausea soured your mouth, and the regret that tinged you, tainted you, was vastly overwhelming. It was horrible in a way that you’d never felt.

It struck you, then, that you’d been blind to Dazai’s every affection, too ignorant to notice the ways that they had shifted as his life did. He no longer held your hand over the table during meetings, but the chair beside his was just as grandiose, and he greeted you with something of a smile when you walked into each room. He no longer accompanied you on assignments, but you were always taken care of, in a hotel most people couldn’t afford with a partner that could singlehandedly take out a hundred men. He no longer picked you flowers from a wild field as he’d done as a boy, but the vase on the table always held a beautiful bouquet of deep, red roses, without a single wilting flower.

Chuuya, all this time, all these years had been right. There was no use in loving Dazai if you couldn’t stand him in his darkest hour, the bitter ugly side of him that no one wanted to see.

You’d never thought about it, really, but you’d changed just as he had. Everyone in the Mafia had blood on their hands, was ruined in more ways than one, and you were no exception. If loving Dazai meant loving those parts of him, then loving you meant just the same.

The tears fell harder, and Dazai seemed panicked, stricken, always so oblivious when it came to the affairs of your heart, and sometimes he tried, but you couldn’t hate him if he didn’t.

“I’m sorry,” you said pitifully, knowing from the spoiled heart in your very chest had ruined everything. “I’m sorry.” You said it again and again until Dazai was shushing you, running a large, cool palm down your back, the only way he knew to soothe you.

“I wish I’d never done it. I wish I’d just spoken to you, asked you, anything—” you wiped your face, heavy breaths stuttering before Dazai took your hands away, and erased the tears for you. “I just thought you hated me. It was the only thing that made sense.”

Dazai smiled sadly, because no one had taught him to love. How was he to know that he’d been doing it wrong all this time. “I wish I’d seen it before. I didn’t mean to push you away.” He sighed, dropping his head to your shoulder with a weariness that he’d been born with. “I’m sorry.”

A tingling sensation began under your skin, and you were warm all over, realizing just how much that apology had meant to you. For some reason, it felt like coming home.

The strong grip that nostalgia had on you gradually began to melt away.

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