#conflict and conflict is APPARENTLY what drives stories (even though I don't like most conflicts and just want to resolve them lol) so ...aa | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

miraculouslbcnreactions · 18 days

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Okay so a thing that has bothered me ever since I first watched Chat Blanc was Bunnyx and the general time travel stuff because tghis makes no sense. In the Chat Blanc time line, after Chat Blanc destroyes the universe, everyone is dead. Including adult!Alix aka Bunnyx. So the Bunnyx fron the Chat Blanc timeline doesn'rt exist anymore, meaning that the Bunnyx fron the episode is from a parallel timeline where Chat Blanc didn't destroy the universe. That however raises the question why she would even care about that other timeline. Is her quest to assure victory over Monarch in every single timeline because that sounds exhausting as hell. I also don't understand the deal with her leg disappearing while she witnesses the fight between LB and CB, it has no reason to, because LB defeating CB doesn't have any effect on Bunnyx because, as stated earlier, the Bunnyx from that timeline is already dead! And honestly, the fact that Lb even had to fight CB makes no sense. They could've just went back in time 2 minutes so LB can erase her name from the letter (or just be quicker so Adrien doesn't see her) and CB doesn't happen in the first place!

Like, genuine question, what was the point of the whole thing? I mean other than the concept is cool and the writers wanted to give LB trauma (which never really plays a significant part in the overall story anyway??)

Sorry for rambling so much, I don't know if this makes any sense, the episode was really confusing to me and idk if it's just because the episode actually doesn't make sense or because I just don't understand it bc time travel is really confusing. Would really love to hear your opinion!

You're fine and you're not missing a thing. The episode simply doesn't make sense nor am I sure why it even exists. I know a lot of people love it, but I really don't get the hype. It runs off of nonsense logic and makes most of the characters look really bad.

Let's start with the lore.

The canon lore is that Bunnyx only travels through time, not universes, so it makes no freaking sense that an adult Bunnyx would be able to stop Chat Blanc since the existence of Chat Blanc should stop her from existing. It's a total paradox that goes against everything we'd been told about her powers. Of course, she's also supposed to be the hero of last resort, yet we hear about her hanging out with famous historical figures and the season five final sees her acting as a substitute for the horse miraculous even though the people she portals in don't do a thing to help with the final battle, so it's not like Chat Blanc is the only time her powers and role get ignored. Any time I use the rabbit, I have to completely rework its lore because canon is just so bad at time travel. I like Alix and her adult design is awesome, but any time Bunnyx shows up, I expect to be annoyed.

Also, I will never forgive her for just dumping Ladybug back in our time without so much as a word of encouragement or any reassurance that the Chat Blanc stuff was only a maybe. And Ladybug was the one to figure out how to fix time!!! Alix, you suck at your job! Or this is just another case of the writers refusing to let someone other than Marinette save the day even though the poor girl really needs a day off.

As for why this episode exists? I don't even know, dude. It makes no sense. Back when we thought it was going to be a driving force in the season four conflict - an assumption that was backed up by Marinette's nightmare in sentibubbler - the episode kinda made sense in spite of its flaws. But we're two seasons past Chat Blanc and the only person who is apparently traumatized by it is Adrien.

Yes, the writers actually said this. No, you didn't miss an episode where Adrien learned about Chat Blanc. They were talking about the nightmares from the final:

Mélanie says that he "could become Chat Blanc" and the others add that even though he does not remember and has never lived it, Chat Blanc still has an influence on his actions.

Yes, this is embarrassingly bad writing. The character who never saw or even heard of Chat Blanc is somehow the one who is traumatized and effected by it while Marinette's trauma has nothing do to with Chat Blanc or the events of the season four final. Instead, it's random BS that was never even hinted at until season five. I just... what?

In case it wasn't obvious - which I guess it isn't given that professional writers missed this - the logical way to write this to have the season four conflict be about Chat Blanc from Ladybug's side. After the conflict ends, she reveals everything to Chat Noir who becomes terrified of hurting people with his powers. This is only exacerbated by the events of Destruction. But then the show would have had to let Chat Noir have a character arc that didn't revolve around Ladynette and the series seems allergic to that as a concept, so instead Adrien gets magical trauma that keeps him from the final fight. And I thought the Derision retcon was bad!

Other issues with Chat Blanc in no particular order:

It cements Nathalie as just as bad a Gabriel since she's the one who tells him Adrien's secret identity and we then see her do nothing to try to protect Adrien.

It makes Gabriel irredeemable by showing him gleefully hurting his child. Dude punts his son across the city with a smile on his face!

It makes Adrien look slimy since he asks Marinette out without telling her that he knows her secret identity. This one is in a bit of a grey area for me because the secret identity stuff is complicated, but Adrien has never been the one who cared about secret identities AND he's the one who has been directly turned down in hero form. The episode takes none of that into consideration with its writing and it really needed to for Adrien to feel like he had a valid point of view here. As is, he's taking advantage of a situation and putting his Lady love at risk for his own wants.

The pillow sniff scene makes Marinette look unhinged.

It spits in the face of The Power of Love by having Adrien's love fail to be enough to stop him from killing Marinette.

Marinette's parents should have gotten involved after Gabriel threatened her. There is no way in hell that I'd let my kid go over to the Agreste mansion after that. If the writers were once again determined to not let Tom and Sabine parent, then the threat should have come when Marinette was alone.

Why did Ladybug even need to go to the future if Bunnyx could have just gone back in time and stopped Ladybug from leaving the present for Adrien? Why did Chat Blanc even need to be defeated? What did Ladybug's ladybug actually fix when she cast her charm?

This is minor, but it bothers me: Chat Noir should not have been smiling and happy when he was freed from his akuma. That boy should have been in the middle of a breakdown.

I know people forgive some of the above because Chat Blanc is sort of an AU and I'm not going to say that's wrong, I just can't look at it that way because there's nothing that sets Chat Blanc apart from the normal timeline. The Paris special gives us an AU. Chat Blanc (and Ephemeral) are what the writers told us would happen in the canon timeline if Gabriel ever discovered his son's secrets. Canon Gabriel was the one doing those things and would have done them again if given the chance. This is who the writers said he is. Same goes for all the other characters who come across less than stellar here.

There's a reason why I love a good Chat Blanc rewrite. It's an idea with a lot of potential, but canon capitalizes on almost none of it.

#chat blanc my beloathed #ml writing salt #ml writing critical #chat blanc salt

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hybbart · 1 year

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I wanna say that I absolutely love your post apocalypse ranchers au. Theoretically I love post apocalypse stories, but most ones end up just being 'everyone sucks and is terrible to each other all the time' which i hate. But yours just has all the community and inherent goodness of people that I really wish was in more post apocalypse media. (I also love the layout, smthn about the little portrait scenes with a few lines' description is a really nice format to me. it's like a blog almost)

idk if this is coherent but basically i love the post apocalypse au and I so wish there were other stories like it out there

I apparently had even more thoughts on this than I anticipated even after forcing myself not to talk about most of it, so borderline essay below...

It's much more common in video games but I get what you mean.

Honestly I think it's an issue of American apocalypse media, and the general intent people go into with the genre. Usually when you're writing a man-made apocalypse story it's to say something about society, and if it's a man-made apocalypse you can generally assume it's not something positive, especially given the sort of person that type of story would attract.

The American aspect I won't get into cause that might be a bit too spicy, but I'll just say if you look at fiction from places with more socialist or collectivist attitudes (that's not specifically influenced by American media or trashy escapist fantasy for edgy teenagers) you find those qualities depicted more. In American apocalypse stories altruism is more of a notably heroic trait for the MC.

(I think the concept of an apocalypse might also just much more terrifying and unknown to North American audiences. Things like relics outside of museums and casually decorating the scenery with ruins is more common in Eurasian media. Ancient history, and the implications thereof, is much more tangible there. I don't think an American version of digimon adventures would ever conceive the digital world as it's presented without drawing attention to it as something tragic and sombre, for example. Probably a whole essay could be written why but this is already too long.)

I think it's also because it doesn't really match well with action and horror genres, which is what apocalypse stories are usually paired with. Apocalypse ranchers is a survival slice or life, and cozy, and the format isn't very conducive to complex action, so there's no need to include it.

In an action story you focus on the action, and physical conflict drives action, and in a horror story the conflict has to scare you, usually involving tragedy. In a survival story the minutia is more important, and in a slice of life the conflict is more mundane. So, I guess that's to say there's more breathing room in RAAU to depict the more realistic daily interactions with people that are ostensibly int he same situation as the ranchers - average people who happened to survive.

I do understand that frustration though. I write a lot of post-apocalypse fiction myself, and this is usually how I would write characters acting simply because that's how I would act, if not out of altruism, then out of practicality.

Um, the restaurant for example. The ranchers are on foot and already overladen with their winter supplies, and they've come to a place that's already established a chain of charity. It's more food than they will need before they're likely to find even more food, and it will be more of a burden to carry it all. In a space that's already established itself as a charitable one people are more likely to return the favour. Think about all those stories you hear about people in fast food drive thrus paying for the person behind them for dozens of cars in a row. Of course there's always gonna be someone who breaks the chain, but that's one person in however many people before them, and it's not necessarily because they're a villain.

(There's also a pretty blatant cottagecore/solarpunk wish fulfillment aspect to the apocalypse fiction I like to write not gonna lie.)

Anyways, I guess that's all to say that you should keep your eye out cause there is other apocalypse fiction out there with that sort of characterization of humanity. Shaun of the Dead, Dr. Stone, and Girls Last Tour come to mind off the top of my head. As far as video games are concerned, lots of survival an apocalypse games, especially open worlds, like minecraft, 7 days to die, no place like home, my time at portia, cattails, plague inc, and niche tend of have a more compassionate setting, even when it looks more bleak and depressing on the surface. They have to for game balance. (multiplayer can't be accounted for, though)

At the end of the day, apocalypse stories really live or die on empathy whether even the creator knows it or not. There's a reason ants so efficiently deal with cordyceps attacks while humans struggle to imagine all of humanity collapsing if it leapt to us, I think. I think where they god wrong is seeing that as a bad thing the characters have to overcome.

#raau ask

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luckspren · 2 years

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So I finished The Blade Itself. I heard a lot of good things about the Fist Law books and I am happy to report that I loved it. I was a little worried because even though I am a chracter driven reader, I heard that the first book has like no plot at all. And I can see how poeple come to that conclusion. I don't know if I agree with it a 100% though. After all there are multiple conflicts brewing on the national and international level, it's just that our pov-characters are not the driving forces behind these conflicts and range from being at least somewhat aware of how they connect to these conflicts to not being aware at all. And TBI has no self contained story, it's basically all set-up for the rest of the series. Nevertheless I shouldn't have worried (and probably should have known better, because I also enjoyed The Way of Kings all the way through and that one is also notorious for being slow as fuck)

So here are some thoughts:

First of all my edition (the one from orbit) doesn't have a map and instead you get treated to a giant picture of Joe Abercrombie himself with a look like he wants to debate me...which okay, i guess you can do that. But the missing map really bugs me :(

I was promised a character driven book that follows a bunch of bastards and I certainly got that. I think Abercrombie did a fantastic job differentiating between the different pov to the point that even without the names I would have been able to know who I was following almost immediately

even though this is a grimdark fantasy (and it is certainly bleak and violent) the tone of the book still feels "lighter" than I anticipated. Probably because of the snarky humor.

I don't really have a clear favourite character yet. I'm guessing Logen and Glokta are very popular, they get mentioned practically every time someone recommends the First Law and I really loved both their pov. The Dogman and Ferro were probably the pov that I liked the least (which doesn't mean I hate them... I was just more interested in the other characters and they didn't have that many chapters to begin with)

so this is probably a very unpopular opinion (given that I wasn't really aware of him at all before I started reading even though he's one of the main pov) but I actually quite liked Jezals chapters. Like he's a pompous rich asshole who thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread and never really had to work for anything in his life. The reader is supposed to dislike him. But with this type of character the story often goes in one of two directions. Either they learn their lesson and you're in for some great character developement or they learn nothing and you can enjoy their downfall. Out of the main pov-characters I think Jezal certainly has the most potential for change right now.

So Bayaz seems to have collected Logen because he can see and speak with spirits and Ferro because of her weird healing abilities/colourblindness/whatever else-powers (like whats up with that, is every colourblind person in this world like her or what?)...but I have no idea why he had Jezal picked out. What's so special about him? Like I don't think it's because of his perfect jawline and i didn't notice any special abilities in his pov. My best guess is that maybe it has something to do with his family? His father seemed to know Bayaz. Maybe one of his ancestors is connected to the Juvens backstory? Like we know Kanedias had a daughter and apparently there were two other brothers if I remember correctly (something about the four sons of Euz (?))...at least one of them probably had offspring that survived and then had children of their own and so on.

I really enjoyed the little tidbits we got of the whole Juvens/Kanedias/Bayaz backstory...but I'm not sure yet if I trust the information we got so far. Like that family was apparently super important because they kinda invented (?) the magic in the world. The scenes in the house of the maker were super interesting, but I feel like we don't have enough information about the conflict between the brothers. Right now Kanedias seems to be the clear "bad guy" in the story, but that seems like something that could be switched up in later books.

I really love Bayaz as a character because he is super unreliable. His character can go into so many different directions and I kinda think he might end the series as a antagonist.

i don't really get the magic system yet and I'm probably not supposed to ... so if the first law is something along the lines of "not directly interacting with the other side", but all magic actually comes from the other side, how do you actually break the first law? Is the other side like another world you can enter or something? That at least seems more direct. Maybe this seed that Bayaz is searching for is something like a key? Also can anyone just become a Magus or do you have to have a certain mindset or abilities. Apparently Quai has "potential" whatever that means. I'm starting to wonder if he's alsways sickly because of his apprenticeship

The appearance of the Bloody Nine at the end of the book almost reads like possession, but I'm not sure if that was intended or if it's just pure bloodlust and adrenaline. Kinda reminds me a little bit of the Thrill from Stormlight

Everyone said that the entire cast is made up of grey characters that you kinda feel bad about rooting for and here I was thinking "What? West is right there"...and then that fucking scene with Ardee happens. I guess we really can't have nice things. I really liked the scene he has with Glokta after though

Speaking of Ardee I hope she gets pov-chapters... with everyone else now scattered across the world, she could be the eyes in Adua

Given that The Blad Itself seems to be regarded as the low point of Abercrombies books, I have really high hopes for the rest of the series and I'm very excited for Before They Are Hanged :)

#The Blade Itself #The First Law #I never know if I have to tag spoilers for books that aren't new releases #like i think you should know better #i also wont be going into the tag until im finished #so this is more for my own thoughts

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halliescomut · 1 year

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I posted 446 times in 2022

That's 446 more posts than 2021!

101 posts created (23%)

345 posts reblogged (77%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@fuckyeahmagerights

@la-fourmi

@vegussy

@elphabaforpresidentofgallifrey

@yoonmoonbii

I tagged 315 of my posts in 2022

Only 29% of my posts had no tags

#kinnporsche - 82 posts

#kinnporsche the series - 56 posts

#love in the air - 36 posts

#jeff satur - 30 posts

#kim theerapanyakul - 20 posts

#apo nattawin - 19 posts

#love in the air the series - 15 posts

#prapai x sky - 15 posts

#bible wichapas - 15 posts

#mile phakphum - 15 posts

Longest Tag: 116 characters

#no tags because even though i'm posting this on beyonce's internet of my own free will i dont want anyone to find it

My Top Posts in 2022:

See the full post

81 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

So I had a thought about Love in the Air. I saw a comment stating that it doesn't really seem to have a driving plot so far, and I don't disagree. Based on the first four episodes there's no driving plot for the series, it's kind of just a small snapshot of these characters falling in love. But scrolling TT the other day I caught a video discussing how booktok discusses books, and the jargon used there, that's fairly specific to that group. You'll see similarities with fanfiction communities, we're all still reading, but there's a recognized language that directly associates with fanfiction, but generally not other written work. But circling back to my point, one of her points made was that when discussing books with other readers you might describe a book as character driven or plot driven. I think Love in the Air falls into the character driven category.

There's no overarching plot/conflict, it's the characters driving the story, and even four episodes in we've seen growth with Rain. For all his teasing Payu knows that Rain isn't dumb, just immature. He wouldn't have gotten into the faculty he's in without a good deal of talent, intelligence, and hard work. And when Rain messes up, Payu comforts but doesn't coddle him. He lets him know that he knows he's capable and he expects him to put in the effort. He also quietly encourages him, after seeing that confidence is something Rain struggles with. I'm hopeful that we'll see more growth as the season goes on.

I can't speak to Sky's romance yet, as that apparently doesn't gear up for a few more episodes, but I do think if they kind of continue in this vein of these characters that are different, but still well-matched growing together (which is what's needed for a long-term relationship, you either grow together or grow apart) then I'll feel the show is success.

I love a deep, meaningful show, but I also love a fluffier show. All media has value, and one of the things I enjoy about many BL dramas is that they give representation without a regular focus on the trauma that the community deals with. There's certainly some work to be done on making the entertainment industry and companies producing BL dramas into a healthier place, particularly for the stars, and I do wish more of the actors were openly out (if they are part of the queer community) but I know there's safety concerns there. Anyways...I'm interested in your thoughts around this, though we'll certainly need the whole season before we can reach true conclusions.

104 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

@lutawolf I couldn't get it out of my head. :D And I needed something good after the absolute clusterfuck this weekend with book two 'spoilers' and author bullshit. I swear I hope BOC knows better than to let any of that shit happen in season 2.

114 notes - Posted October 31, 2022

Okay...so I've seen some discourse around the interwebs of people angry at Rain for giving Prapai the keys to Sky's apartment and asking him to take care of him, including saying the Rain is a terrible friend for crossing Sky's boundaries like this. And I feel like people are being a little harsh. Rain can occasionally be a bit of a dummy, yes, but he is a kind and protective person. I feel like there's this assumption that the only contact or interaction that Rain and Prapai have ever had is what we've seen onscreen, and really that's unlikely. If Prapai and Payu are best friends, Rain would have a lot more interaction than what we've seen. Rain also knows that Payu trusts Prapai. Rain is basing his trust partially on Payu's opinion and friendship with Prapai. He also knows that Prapai likes Sky, the same way that Payu likes Rain, so for him he can't see Prapai treating or caring for Sky any different from what he has experienced in the care of Payu. Even with the trust he's placing in Prapai he clearly impresses on him "I'm trusting you with my best friend, do not break that trust", before giving him the keys.

I'm not going to argue that he's not crossing boundaries, but those boundaries are an assumption made by the audience. Sky has never even hinted to Rain about his past trauma, the fact the Rain didn't even know his ex was a man shows that. Sky being closed off even from Rain is the reason he doesn't know. Sky being even moderately open, just giving Rain the most base level, and saying "I'm not in a place to deal with Prapai ever" would likely have been all it took. Rain would have figured something else out.

But I don't think Rain is a bad friend, he's just naive, and he's also not given a lot of opportunity to show what type of friend he is because of their dynamic, Sky being more mature and Rain being a little more wild/immature.

219 notes - Posted October 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I'm rewatching Love in the Air, because of course I am, and we all know that so far Sky is the underrated king of this show. His reactions are gif gold.

I'm on episode two and Sky crossing himself in a prayer for Rain as he drags Payu off is just the cutest, sweetest, and funniest thing. He's just like "I'm praying for you buddy, I really think you might have bitten of more than you can handle with that one, but god speed my friend."

Just look at this precious bean. I'm loving Payu/Rain, but I'm excited to see Prapai and Sky get more screen time.

241 notes - Posted September 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Oh my god that longest tag...that post is, well I can't say not fit for the internet, I've been here a long time, and it's no where near what you can encounter in the wilds of the interwebs, but it's probably one of the most *embarrassed face* things I've ever posted. Also, hilarious that I have 100% more posts than last year. I didn't post at all, because I sort of fell of the tumblr train for a while.

Anyway, I am at least proud of all of these posts, and I also adore all of the blogs in my top reblogs.

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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concerningwolves · 3 years

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Hej, I actually have three questions: How do you handle plotbunnies? I currently have 14 - more or less fleshed out. But they are mere notes. Secondly: I'm in a bind with some of my pieces. The introduction is more or less there and I have a cornerstone (an important scene) but I don't know how to get there. Thirdly: Is there a tag or so for beat readers and how much research is good? I can sink week into research a single detail. Thanks.

(A note before I begin: as of 02.04.21, asks like this violate my ask guidelines. This isn’t a personal scolding, @quamatoc, but I just want to make you and readers aware that I won’t take multiple unrelated topics in a single ask anymore. More on this AG update here.)

Handling Plot Bunnies

Honestly, the most helpful thing I've learned is that it's okay to just... let your plot bunnies be. Leave them grazing on your metaphorical mental lawn. You don't have to do something with them straight away – in fact, managing which projects you work on and when, instead of chasing down every plot bunny you see, is an important skill to learn.

I like to keep an Evernote notebook for each plot bunny, so I can update it whenever I get a new idea but don't feel like I'm abandoning the ideas or like I have to work on them Right Now. You could keep a physical notebook, a file, a digital folder full of word documents – it doesn’t matter what you use, so long as it’s something you can access easily and keep relatively organised. Sometimes fresh inspiration will strike and I'll realise that an apparently unrelated plot bunny is actually really useful for a current project, or I'll get struck with a full plot for a previously fragmented idea. Either way, it’s been really liberating to realise that I can just keep plot bunnies safe somewhere for later on.

Getting from Point A to Point B (Building the Plot)

► PLOT STRUCTURES & GENERAL NOTES

To get from place to place in a story, you need to think about what makes it tick. You don’t need to write scenes in order, though! For me, figuring out a plot is really just me asking myself a very, very long series of questions. If I know what the Big Scene is, I’ll work backwards, asking myself things and seeing how the answers could get me from point A to B.

You don’t have to figure out a plot freehand, either. If you’re struggling, you might find it useful to use a pre-made plot structure outline such as the. There are loads available online. Print out several different ones and see which fits best, put your important scene where you think it goes and work backwards, write all over them, use a giant whiteboard, write on the wall – if it helps, use it. Here’s a blog article on different types of plot structure.

I also think it's important to actually write. It's so easy to get caught up in plotting that you don't put your thoughts to paper. Make sure you don’t fall into that trap! I'm a plantser, meaning I like to do a mixture of pre-plotting and flying through drafts by the seat of my pants. Even if you’re a rigid planner, be sure to see how your ideas look in action by drafting out scenes.

► “WHAT IF?” QUESTIONS

“What if character A and B discover a secret? What if they have different opinions on what to do about the secret? What if this becomes a friends to enemies to friends to lovers plot?? – wait, no, what if they’re already enemies and this secret forces them to work together? What if—”

Brainstorm "what if...?" questions and explore various options. You don’t have to make any final decisions – that’s the beauty of drafting! The point is to put together subplots and main plots, and see which one works best in getting you to where you want to go.

► GOALS, WANTS & AMBITIONS

A character’s ambitions, wants and goals are very important to a story. They help hook the audience in by giving them something to root for. Knowing what a character wants and what lengths they would go to to get it is crucial to driving a plot forwards, especially if your story is character-driven.

What does a character want? → A character can have multiple desires, but it’s helpful to pick one key thing that undercuts most of their actions. Maybe they want to find out who killed their mother, or escape from somewhere. Perhaps they want to steal a pretty gem. Maybe they want to be king, or they want to escape from their responsibilities as a ruler.

What steps is a character willing to take? → Some characters are willing to do anything to achieve their goals. Maybe they commit a crime, end up in prison, get nudged towards more heinous actions, and find themself in a situation they never would have expected. Other characters are more cautious, but get pushed to breaking point – and then make a Bad Decision that bring about a major plot point. The steps a character makes are what puts them on the path of your plot.

Could anything change a character’s desires, or influence them to take different/more drastic measures? If so, what, and how would this change plot events? → Let’s say that your cornerstone scene is when character A steals from character B, but A starts the story unfailingly loyal to B and only wants to protect them. In order to get to that cornerstone, you’d need to work out what could happen to change A’s priorities. Change is invaluable in getting from plot point to plot point. If something happens that changes what a character wants – i.e., a betrayal, a sudden exile, or a change in fortunes – it can push them down paths they wouldn’t have otherwise considered.

► CONFLICT & OBSTACLES

Just as characters need to want something; plots need conflict and obstacles to make them interesting.

What could go wrong? How would the character(s) try to solve the problem? → “How can I create problems?” is probably the most valuable question an author can ask when building the plot; asking yourself how the characters try and solve said problem just pushes it even further, like this:

Does the attempted solution work? Whether it succeeds or fails, does it have any unexpected consequences? → Say that your Important Scene takes place in a different location to where your characters start out. So, the thing that goes wrong means your characters need to flee (the solution), and it works! They’ve escaped! Only now, they don’t have anywhere safe to go, and so they end up going into the place where Important Scene happens. Or maybe they don’t escape, and their attempt means that they’re transported to a more secure location, which in turn gives them an opportunity to get to Important Scene Location.

Do A’s goals conflict with another character’s goals? What would the other character do to protect their own interests? → If your cornerstone scene involves a clash of two armies, you need to think about what could ramp up the tension between the two sides, and conflicting interests is a great way to do this. Maybe your protagonist is trying to save the world from impending doom, but the queen of a neighbouring land is blinded by hunger for more land and riches. Or, the protagonist is a queen-in-exile trying to wrestle the throne back from the tyrannical relative who usurped her. Think about how each characters’ moves against the other could drive the plot.

The key is to think of it as building a structure out of bricks or slabs. You have your cornerstone – great! – now you need to work out what parts go where.

Research and Beta Readers

Research is something I wholeheartedly and unironically love. I will actually give myself research days a treat for reaching certain writing goals! So, naturally, I'm going to say that there's no limit on how much research one should do to create a story. That said, there is one caution to keep in mind: research is good, so long as you don't let it stop you from actually writing OR let it turn your writing into something akin to an instruction manual. In early drafts, try replacing any specific information you need with a code such as [ELEPHANT] or [KX] – basically, something you can find easily with the search function later on when you’ve researched it.

To find beta-readers, I recommend using the writeblr tag. It's where the bulk of the community puts their stuff. Make a post like "call for beta readers" with information about your project and use the buzzword tags like "writeblr" "writers on tumblr" "writers of tumblr" "beta readers" and whatever genre is applicable. Avoid external links in the post, otherwise it won't show up in the tags.

[ASK GUIDELINES | KO-FI]

#quamatoc #research #plotting #writing advice #plot bunnies #writeblr

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thestupidhelmet · 3 years

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What would you say are the core personalities of the six? I don't know if you've made a meta about this already since I'm fairly new here. Love your blog!

Thank you! 😊

I’ve written a few metas on the characters’ personalities or characterizations. But I’ll write up what I interpret their consistent core characterizations to be. First, a preamble.

Unfortunately, That ‘70s Show’s writers had a tendency to forget, ignore, or outright change the characters’ core characterizations, too often introducing new elements -- to serve plot -- that conflict with earlier established personality traits confirmed and reconfirmed by many episodes that followed. This is different than character development, which is grounded often in incremental changes over several / many episodes or even seasons.

Most of these revisions of the characters’ core personalities are negative. Only one I can think of is positive: Hyde’s in “Prom Night” (1x19). The core of his character gets a complete overhaul once his role as Eric’s villainous foil and rival for Donna’s affection is over.

Because of the show’s inconsistent writing, one can pick and choose which consistently depicted attributes are the truly canon parts of a character’s personality. Later in the series, these consistently depicted attributes often conflict. When I write fanfic and @those70scomics, I depicts the characters according to what I believe are their core personalities. Other people can reasonably view their core personalities differently.

Now to answer your question.

Fez

He’s insecure about fitting in with his group of friends and among Americans in general. This insecurity sometimes manifests as neediness with friends and girlfriends alike.

He’s loyal to his friends and generally caring. He doesn’t like hurting their feelings. He’s in touch with his emotions and sensitive, which means he can be hurt rather easily by his friends’ or others’ thoughtless remarks toward him -- or hurt by what he misinterprets as an insult (e.g., Hyde telling Fez he needs to act aloof to attract women, and Fez believing Hyde is calling him “a loof,” which Fez apparently thinks is a put-down).

He’s not defenseless, however. He’s got a quick wit and comes back with cutting remarks of his own or simply cuts off his friends with his catchphrase and its varieties (i.e. “Good day. ... I said good day!”)

He’s passionate, but this passion variously paired with his insecurity, neediness, and sensitivity can cloud his judgement, which causes him to go too far in many areas: dirty jokes, masturbation, pursuit of unavailable girls, eating candy, etc.

He suffers from Nice Guy syndrome with Jackie during seasons 2 and 3. This means he has a sense of entitlement to Jackie’s romantic and sexual affection, and his respectful treatment of her is predicated on the expectation of romantic and sexual reward. Once he realizes that she’ll never reciprocate his romantic feelings, his respectful treatment of her diminishes greatly.

In season one, he’s depicted as insightful to other people’s feelings and motivations. In seasons 1-4, he’s also depicted as romantic and a romantic. He’s a serial monogamist, but he suffers somewhat from toxic masculinity (e.g., calling Jackie little girl when he believes she’s overstepped her bounds) and sexism (e.g., often calling girls whores; once this insult is prompted by a girl who does not put out sexually, which is the opposite of the meaning of whore). With Rhonda, though, this toxic masculinity and sexism seem not to be evident.

He longs for intimacy, whether platonic (men) or romantic (women). See this meta about how the show writes Fez and Kelso’s relationship as near-romantic in later seasons while also (re)affirming Fez and Kelso’s canonical straightness to keep T7S’s universe a heteronormative one.

Fez is obsessed with losing his virginity, but for the first four seasons of the show, the depiction of this obsession falls in line with that of many teenage boys his age. It’s not out of the ordinary. Eric is shown to have the same obsession until he and Donna finally have sex. Further, Fez’s obsession is not so all-encompassing that he can’t put it aside for love. He does so for his love of Rhonda -- until “Everybody Loves Casey” (4x26), where the best parts of his core characterization are destroyed. See my meta The Deterioration of Fez’s Character for details.

My Take: I prefer to write the insightful, loyal Fez who sometimes doesn’t know how far to push a joke. He can be insecure, but he’s also got a strong moral center and sense of what’s right and wrong -- or develops this sense more thoroughly during a given story. He’s flawed but very capable of growing and changing due to his ability to examine his own behavior and love for his friends.

Kelso

In season one, Kelso is a math and tech prodigy who has little common sense and or will power. He’s also loyal to Eric and Hyde and clearly loves them, but his impulsivity and addiction to sexual pleasure drive him to act thoughtlessly. He displays a sense of entitlement but not a pathological one. He’s capable of apologizing for his thoughtless and entitled behavior. See this meta about “Ski Trip” (1x13) for an in depth analysis of Kelso’s behavior during that episode.

After season 1, his math and technology knowledge is gonet. His selfishness and sense of entitlement overshadow his loyalty to anyone (or anything) other than fulfilling his own needs and desires. His lack of common sense becomes cartoonish. He acts maliciously when he feels slighted, which happens when he doesn’t get what he believes he’s entitled to. He relentlessly pesters Jackie verbally and physically for sex when she just wants to sleep. He’s pathologically narcissistic, vain, and dishonest.

During the end of season 3 and beginning of season 4, however, he begins to grow and change. He experiences and express remorse toward Jackie for treating her so badly -- without any expectation of return. His selfishness fades significantly, as does his lying, but neither attribute disappears completely. He’s capable of putting his own wants and desires aside for Jackie’s, but she sometimes has to assert herself more than once for him to do so.

During the end of season 4, unfortunately, he not only reverts back to type, he also becomes worse. He rescinds his remorse and gives Jackie the responsibility for his cheating. He speaks misogynistically about women and her, and is just generally awful. See my metas Jackie Kissing Todd “the Cheese Guy” and Kelso’s Reaction and False Equivalency: Kelso’s “Most Romantic Gesture” Toward Jackie for further analysis.

In season 5, Kelso reaches the peak of his self-entitled narcissism, selfishness, hypocrisy, and possessiveness over Jackie. He interprets Jackie dating Hyde as an act of betrayal and an attack on his pride and self-esteem. He seeks out revenge on both of them, even while trying to “win Jackie back” with the same kind of maliciousness he shows Jackie in season 2 when she doesn’t forgive his cheating within a week of her discovering it.

Throughout the series, he makes unwanted sexual advances toward Donna. He tries to grope her breast repeatedly while she sleeps. He tries to sneak a glimpse of her breasts while she changes, and she’s so sick of his whining that she gives into what he wants (in “Class Picture” [4x20]). The writers intended this scene to be funny, but it’s actually horrific and parallels Jackie’s complaints about Kelso pawing at her and whining relentlessly for sex that she gives in so she can sleep.

He makes these numerous sexual advances on Donna when she’s in a relationship with Eric and when she and Eric are broken up. Yet he when he and Jackie are no longer together, he acts like Hyde has committed a crime against him for being in a consensual relationship with Jackie.

Without Ashton’s comedic timing and likability, Kelso would be unbearable to watch during seasons 1-5. Kelso is funny only because of Ashton’s performance.

But in season 6, Kelso gets another chance at a true character growth arc. He fights his selfish, cowardly tendencies to have a place in Brooke’s life and their child’s (whom hasn’t been born yet). He works hard to prove his ability to be a good father. and himself worthy of Brooke’s love. Even more, he makes an act of utter unselfishness and sacrifice by letting Brooke and their baby go -- to live Chicago with Brooke’s mom -- because that’s what’s best for them, not him.

That being said, he still demonstrates an amount of selfishness toward his friends.

Season 7 again drops him back to status quo -- almost. Brooke is gone. He’s barely involved in his child’s life. He dates Hyde’s newfound sister, in part to burn Hyde. But at least he treats Angie with respect and is faithful to her, as far as we’re shown. So that part of his growth from season 6 stuck.

Throughout all the seasons, he’s shown to have a vast imagination. He fancies himself an inventor or an astronaut. He comes up with some wild -- and some might say insane -- ideas. He’s creative despite not being very skilled.

My Take: I generally write Kelso as a selfish, self-entitled narcissist because of when my T7S fics take place in the series. I also use his lack of common sense as comic relief. But I prefer the Kelso capable of growth and change, the one who is willing to put his own needs and desires aside for the benefit of other people. This latter characterization development has continued in @those70scomics, and I’ve given him major growth arcs in my stories Reflections Through the Glass, Beneath a Shattered Sky, and Those Who Play with Demons (which I have yet to finish writing).

Eric

Eric has a compassionate heart. He cares about his family, his friends, and people in general. But he also suffers deep insecurities about his masculinity thanks to Red’s treatment of him. Eric is more in touch with his emotions, like his mother, and Red has trouble relating to him. Red also worries Eric might be too emotionally vulnerable to survive the real world, which is why he’s so hard on him (see “Hunting” [2x13]).

Because of modeling his dad gives him on masculinity, the clear messages that Eric isn’t masculine enough, and what he absorbs from observing how society expects men to behave, he suffers from bouts of chauvinism. Donna.is regularly the recipient of Eric’s insecurities about his manliness. He often feels threatened by her self-confidence, athletic ability, intelligence, etc. -- because she’s a woman and his best friend / girlfriend / fiancée. He falsely believes her strengths highlight his weaknesses as a man.

But he’s also patient and unselfish with Donna, putting aside his own sexual desires for her need to go slowly or for celibacy (in season 6). He’s supportive of her and all his family and friends, including Laurie and Jackie -- both of whom he has an antagonistic relationship with. He’s very loyal to his friends.

Eric uses sarcasm and his quick wit as defense mechanisms. Some might say he’s a little stunted in his growth due to his continued enjoyment of playing with action figures. He indulges at times in his mom’s infantilizing of him while also trying to assert his adulthood.

He has a specific vision for his future: marrying Donna and having a family with her. This vision, however, does not include a career. He doesn’t seem to be passionate about much else besides his relationship with Donna (and having sex with her) and Star Wars. This is a failing of the writers. Eric’s storylines are so Donna-focused that the show gives little space for what else he might be passionate about.

Eric is very much capable of recognizing, owning, and learning from his mistakes. He can be a total ass, but he eventually realizes his behavior and makes correction.

Donna

Donna is confident, athletic, intelligent, and a staunch defender of gender equality (when written consistently). She’s loyal to her friends. She often puts aside her own pride to protect Eric’s self-esteem. She gets angry at him almost only when he’s earned it. See In Defense of Donna (an essay in eight parts) for an in depth analysis on her relationship with Eric.

When she’s in severe emotional pain, she becomes self-destructive. Losing her relationship to Eric at the end of season 3 and her mom moving to California sends her into downward spiral. Earlier, we see this self-destructive trait in “Eric Gets Suspended” (2x09) when her parents pay little attention to her due to their obsession with the latest fads.

Her parents’ lack of boundaries with her -- exposing her to their marital troubles and making her a pawn in them, as well as not hiding their sexcapades from her -- create a strong sense of boundaries within her.

The state of her parents’ relationship often influences her confidence in her relationship with Eric. She’s afraid sex will destroy her relationship with Eric; but once her parents renew their wedding vows, she has faith enough that romantic relationships can last that she finally feels safe enough to have sex.

She strongly values her independence. She doesn’t want her life and prospects dictated or limited by her romantic relationship with Eric. She witnesses how her dad’s controlling chauvinism stifles her mom’s own independence and dreams for herself, and she refuses to let Eric’s insecurity and chauvinism do that to her.

She’s passionate about writing, both journalistic and fiction, as well as music. She’s playful and forgiving. She doesn’t fit the gender norms of the 1970s. She’s as comfortable playing basketball with the guys as she is decorating a room or gymnasium for an event. She has a mixture of femininity and masculinity, which only Jackie seems to insult her about.

Jackie

At her core, Jackie is a compassionate, generous, and insightful person. She gives far more gifts to Kelso during their relationship than he does her -- despite her always stating how much she wants presents. She gives Donna lots of advice and support during Donna and Eric’s transition from friends to lovers. She continues to give Donna advice and support throughout the series about her love life.

But Jackie can also be very controlling, insulting, and selfish. She’s quite vain, but she’s also insecure about all she acts secure about. See Does Jackie Become Less Insecure about Her Physical Appearance when She Dates Hyde? If So, Why?

Jackie has abandonment issues because of her parents. Her father isn’t home a lot and often shows his love for her through presents. The latter is why she wants / expects to get gifts from her boyfriend(s). She develops a marriage obsession out of wanting a guarantee she won’t be abandoned by her romantic partner, despite that marriage doesn’t actually guarantee this.

She also has a tendency toward self-delusion. She so needs Kelso to be whom she wants him to be that she goes into denial about his infidelity and all the negative qualities of his I described above. Eventually that delusion is broken, only to be replaced by delusions about Hyde. She transfers her feelings of (relationship-)safety from Kelso to Hyde.

Only when Kelso breaks her heart for the final time at the end of season 4 does she break out of this delusion cycle. She fantasizes about what her future with Hyde might be like, but that isn’t the same as deluding herself. Plus, Hyde consistently disabuses her of these unrealistic fantasies and offers her a much healthier and happier potential reality.

Once she’s with Hyde in season 5, she begins growing and changing significantly. Instead of complaining of her suffering as she does, for instance, during her S2-S3 break-up with Kelso, she hides the fact her mom has completely abandoned her after her dad goes to prison. She tells no one her mom hasn’t come home from Mexico.

This is not one of the healthier changes she makes in season 5, but fantasizing away her pain no longer works as a defense mechanism. Instead, she believes she has to face her struggles alone. Fortunately, Hyde discovers the truth and gives her a safe place and, in a very real way, becomes a literal safe place for her himself. (The writers screwed this up for the sake of a season-ending cliffhanger, but that’s beyond the scope of this meta.)

Jackie can be stubborn and determined. She wants what’s best for the people she loves, especially Hyde. She’s extremely forgiving. She doesn’t trust her ability to take care of herself, but she learns that she can (through getting a job, Hyde’s encouragement, her public access TV show, etc.)

She’s a complex character. When people don’t look beyond her surface, they find her easily dismissible. The writers too often wrote her this way during the series. But they also added many layers to her, as I’ve described in this meta.

Hyde

See the following metas I wrote about him:

Hyde’s Core Characterization Steven Hyde: Organic Character Development Steven Hyde: Inconsistent Characterization Hyde’s Character Shift from Season 4 to Season 5 Why Hyde Closes Himself Off More Emotionally in Season 5 Pathological Passive-Aggressiveness: A New Personality Trait Added to Hyde’s Character in Season 5 Hyde’s Potential Career

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Jackie x Hyde #Eric Forman #Michael Kelso #Ask #Anon #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay #Core Characterization #Donna #Fez #Jackie #Hyde

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wesavegotham · 4 years

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I've been trying to write a longer post about Damian's last story in the Robin 80th anniversary special for a few days now because it's the lead up to Bruce and Damian's confrontation in the next Teen Titans Annual, but the whole storyline of them having a falling-out is such a mess, it's hard to make definitive statements about anything.

The set-up in No Justice was badly executed. Yes, Damian disagrees with Bruce on some pages but it's not really important to their later conflict. We never saw their big fight, it happened off-panel. So the beginning is already vague as hell. Nothing in No Justice was tied to Damian personally, so it always felt like a pretty weak excuse to get Damian away from his father. The whole thing felt tacked on.

Also, it's not like Damian didn't give Bruce hints towards why he's angry at him so I don't know why Bruce seems to clueless in the Robin special.

Glass's reasoning for Damian's actions in Teen Titans never convinced me and felt like a huge step back for the character. To this day the book makes it sound like Bruce and Damian aren't on speaking terms and Damian isn't coming home anymore.

The first time Bruce wanted to fix things was in Detective Comics, but everything in that arc turned out to be part of a simulation. So in reality they still had their issues, didn't talk about it, but Damian was at home in the batcave when Bruce woke up anyway:

Maybe Damian wanted to congratulate Bruce on his birthday even though they supposedly weren't talking to each other, I don't know, the story never told me. It also didn't tell me why Damian was still there in the next arc and working alongside Bruce to take down the Arkham Knight just fine. Damian even stayed for several days because Bruce was temporarily blind at the end of the story and Damian got to drive the batmobile for him.

Damian also came when Bruce used the red batsignal in the main Batman book to call for help, unlike Ric, Jason and Stephanie who were at odds with Bruce at the time too and refused. Later he went along with Bruce's plan to send him into Gotham alone during the City of Bane arc to fight Gotham Girl, get himself beaten up, taken hostage and held at gunpoint by Flashpoint Thomas Wayne. He also said this during the arc:

Which speaks of his loyalty to Bruce and to the bat-family, considering he's supposed to be at odds with Bruce, Alfred compared him to Ra's Al-Ghul in their last known conversation and Damian has either a complicated or a non-existent relationship with everyone present in the last panel. Yeah, honestly that little speech doesn't make a lot of sense.

After Alfred's death Damian still comes when Bruce asks for assistance with a case after Lucius pestered Bruce into taking care of the missing children cases in one of his orphanages while Bruce was busy with taking down a gang:

At the end Bruce talks about how it's their responsibility as Wayne's to take care of the kids at the orphanages they own, Bruce builds another wing for the orphanage and Bruce and Damian seem to be on good terms at its opening two months later:

When Bruce finally calls the family for a meeting/wake for Alfred after Bruce build a hospital in memory of their (grand)father figure Damian is probably the character who is the least angry at Bruce for what happened:

And Damian still seems to come home to the manor after Alfred's death...to eat I guess:

And now we have this story:

So Robin has been off the grid for months and the few times they did run into each other he has been cold to Bruce? I mean I guess that's true in some stories, but definitely not all and even in the stories where DC hints at their conflict Damian still ends up helping Bruce. And apparently he's not "off the grid" enough to not come home. I'm...confused by this storyline.

Judging from my analysis I'm not sure why Bruce is lamenting about Damian not living up to his values of loyalty and family, since Damian seems pretty happy to go along with whatever plan his father comes up with in most comics, even if it includes a high risk to his own life. Like Bruce's dumbass plan in City of Bane or spending several days in a snowstorm searching for another child. The fact that in Detective Comics #1017 and Pennyworth RIP Bruce is shown to be the person who changes the topic when Damian complains about their relationship and refuses to go after his son to comfort him even after Barbara pushes him to do so also makes me wonder how Damian is supposed to strive towards these values when Bruce does such a bad job trying to live by them himself.

I know DC hinted in Justice League #39 that reality is broken and maybe that works as an in-universe explanation for this mess, but as a consumer this is simply unpleasant to read. When I read an issue dealing with this storyline I don't know if they're on speaking terms or not, if Damian still follows Bruce's orders or not or even if Damian still lives at the manor sometimes or only with his team.

#Damian Wayne #Bruce Wayne

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thiswreckageivebecome · 4 years

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The Winter Soldier is Still Here (Part 27- “Kiss Me Deadly”) (Bucky/Winter Soldier x Fem!reader)

Word Count: 4474

Warnings: Violence

Author’s Note: I did a bit of a rewrite and repost on this chapter.

Masterlist

BUCKY POV

————————

"What has he taken from you?" I ventured asking T'Challa after an extended period of silence, my eyes still on (Y/n). He acted as though he didn't want to answer and I could see the pain he held.

"It's a long story."

"Well, I don't recall Africa being that close to D.C. so I'd think we'd have some time. But hey, if you don't want to ta-"

"My father and the love of my life. He is responsible for their deaths. He is the reason I now hold the mantle of king."

"I'm sorry to hear that. How did it happen?" T'Challa took a visible deep breath before continuing.

"He has been working with a man named Klaue. You see, in Wakanda we hold a very precious element and there are multitudes of it. Many in the world search after it. It's called Vibranium."

"Isn't that what Steve's sh-" I began to ask and he nodded.

"Captain America's shield, yes. Your arm, also. It's a powerful element as you well know. It's power can be harnessed for many purposes and used in a large quantity of ways. Some, like Klaue and Charscovsky, want to steal it to use it for weapons that will only bring more harm to the world than there already is. As you can imagine, we don't want this and are attempting to defend it in the best ways we know how."

"I'm sorry for your losses."

"Thank you, Mr. Barnes. When the explosion first occurred, I couldn't even comprehend what was happening. One of my sister's labs contained a new experiment that would not only strengthen the vibranium but turn it into a transparent liquid, as well as giving it the opportunity to turn it into a gaseous form. My sister was working on this so that they could be utilized for medicinal and manufacturing purposes, however, Klaue and HYDRA want it to make new weapons."

"That sounds like HYDRA," I looked over at (Y/n). She was still unconscious but she seemed as though she was resting. I recalled what my resting was like while in cryostasis, though, and that thought almost dropped me to my knees, thinking of what could be going through (Y/n)'s mind. I placed my hand on the wall of the aircraft for support. T'Challa noticed.

"She's the love of your life, yes?" I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

"Yes, yes I think she is."

NATASHA POV

________________

As the craft moved quickly away, I made it a point to run as quick as my legs would carry me to the vehicle Bucky and I had brought. As soon as I was in, I stepped on it, maneuvering the traffic with quick and aggressive movements. It was at times like these that my driving became less cautious despite all of my training to be cautious in all situations. I had to get back to the tower to inform the rest of the team and get the jet fueled up so we could be ready to move as soon as we got the Wakandan coordinates. I didn't completely mistrust these newcomers, but I didn't fully trust them either. I had no idea what they'd do to them or how they'd help them. Hell, if Tony couldn't help him, what could these strangers do? As soon as I got back into the tower, I ran to the common room and pressed the intercom button on the wall beside the glass floor-to-ceiling window.

"I need anyone and everyone here to report to the common room for an emergency meeting. Now, people!"

It only took a moment for Peter, always gung-ho to get in on any potential action instead of thinking through the dangers involved. As the newest member of the Avenger team, he also was ready and desiring to please in any way, shape, or form. Steve was next to arrive, Sam trailing behind. Wanda showed up, followed by Vision, fingers intertwined. Tony was the last to show up as I already had frantically begun explaining to them what had ocurred.

"Wait, so you're telling me Barnes willingly jumped right back into the arms of Hydra after we've been fighting to get him out from under their grasp?"

"Yes, and no, Tony. God, if you weren't so fucking arrogant and slow-moving, you wouldn't have missed the important bit that (Y/n) was captured by them. That's why he went!"

"So where are they now? How and why are you back without them," Steve's voiced matched mine decimal for decimal with emotion.

"That's what I'm trying to say! They're in Wakanda! I'm waiting now for coordinates and as soon as we get them, we have to go to them. We have to be ready in case it was all a setup. They offered to help her so of course, he went. He wouldn't listen to me." The phone buzzed. Coordinates appeared with instructions to make contact when we were a hundred miles out. I handed the phone to let him read, waiting for his reaction. He looked up, jaw tight, and looked every one of us in the eyes before he said,

"Suit up."

READER POV

___________

Flashes of memories that weren't my own shone throughout my mind. I felt cold but I could not awaken. I felt as though there was a transparent, yet impenetrable cloud covering my entire body as I lay and watch as if it was the projection screen of someone else's life. I watched as people were murdered in the most horrid of ways. I watched, attempting to scream but no sound escaped my throat. I saw police cars and ambulances blow by as I, or who ever's eyes I was viewing this through, sat in wait and patience, and I could feel conflicted pleasure flood my veins. I could feel success but there was something else nagging at that success. It felt like regret, disgusting regret and sorrow. I could see myself move from the window and across the bare room of what seemed an empty apartment to get a better view. I could see medical services and camera crews, running after the Continental. I could feel the smile spread across my lips and the threatening regret bubbling inside attempting to pull those lips down.

The scene changed. I saw flashes of a man one who seemed a friend one who seemed to be by my side. He smiled over at me, grabbed me on the shoulder encouragingly. This man had strong cheekbones and medium bronze-brown hair. His jaw tightened in a flash and his eyes grew vile and all signs of life left them. The surrounding light flickered off and when the light resumed, I watched as he was tossed into a vertical tube and he went under Cryostasis. I felt someone grab the back of my arm and guide me to my own tube. Everything went black.

I sat in darkness for what seemed an eternity. I attempted to scream. I couldn't see where I was but I felt as though I was in a coffin. I attempted to scream, to kick, to fight my way out of the darkness but it was as if none of my efforts were making any difference. I couldn't sleep. Adrenaline pulsed through my system at lightening speeds and while my efforts seemingly did nothing, I could feel the strength of my own hands, arms, and legs reinforcing and growing stronger throughout the fight.

Out of nowhere came a burst of light and I found myself standing under a lampost. I felt the same conflict but this time, it was anxiety and determination. I was waiting for someone, someone I would do irreprable harm to, but I couldn't recall who or why; I suppose because these weren't my own memories, but someone else's, and I couldn't figure out who just yet. I began to walk forward, at a gradual pace so that I could take in the sight of the bar, yet walk by undetected. I saw him and he appeared familiar yet sick. I continued to walk forward once he was in my sights. I positioned myself just inside the opening of the dark alley so that I could be hidden yet I could still observe what I needed to. I waited and the tension inside my chest continued to build. As I waited, the street was quiet and all but empty, except the few drunken strangers leaving the bar and the addicts doing business. Those who were lucky enough to stay off drugs while on the street steered clear of places like this, I practically heard this person say in their mind, so I won't have to worry about sober witnesses. The man I was waiting for stumbled out of the bar. I stepped out of the darkness by only a few inches so that my identity would remain unknown to my incognizent victim. I heard myself say:

"Hey, Jack."

The man turned, apparently whose name was Jack. Across his face was surprise and just a hint of recognition before he collapsed from the bullet I put in his chest. I felt the dull pain in my own chest as I opened Jack's vehicle trunk and stuffed his body inside. I got in the vehicle and drove off before once again, everything went black.

I laid there in the opaque nothing-ness. I felt tears stream down my cheeks. That Jack was the same man who had appeared in the prior vision. I may not have the memories to go with, but I could feel it in the very depths of my soul that this man, this Jack person, had been a friend, a confidante, someone whom this person had been proud of, someone who was like a kid-brother to them. I saw the bleakness in his eyes that mirrored my own pain and self-destruction, whoever's eyes I was seeing through. I saw the desolation in his eyes as he exited that bar and I knew we had suffered similar demons both in our imagination and out in the world. As I felt a sob beginning to crawl its way out of my chest, an explosion of black smoke, orange sparks, and flying debris dashed across my eyes and threw shadows across my face.

After the smoke cleared, I, myself, not the memories of the person I was watching, saw a person I knew standing in front of me with blood across their face, as well as blood stains from bullet wounds I could sense this person's memories I was watching had inflicted. I recognized him immediately. Steve, Steve was standing in front of me, in front of this person, and with the sorrow in Steve's eyes, I knew immediately whose memories I had been living: Bucky's. My sweet Bucky, I was watching the deeds that haunted him. My vision jumped as did my body. I heard Bucky, myself seemingly, say "You're my mission," and I could feel the tension inside his chest, in my own, grow until I thought my own chest would erupt and gush forth the ripping and contradicting emotions filling it. I could feel the pressure of the metal hitting skin, cheekbone and skull. I could feel splatters of blood hitting my face as I raised my arm multiple times until I felt something stop me and I heard Steve's words.

"Then finish it. 'Cause I'm with you 'til the end of the line."

Traversing across my vision there were quick-paced scenes of Steve and myself as Bucky, walking up steps and I could feel the anguish in his chest, unsure how exactly to help Steve in whatever was going on. Then I discovered from the discussion that it must have been when Steve's mom passed and he had no one left. I came back to the present with Bucky. I could sense the recognition set in. Bucky finally knew him. He knew his best friend, Steven Rogers.

BUCKY POV

___________

I could sense an immediate halt in conversation and for it, I was grateful. I walked to the other end of the aircraft and sat beside the table (Y/n) lay upon. I watched her for a few moments until I knew the tears would overflow and be seen by watchful eyes. I chose instead to drop my head and let the tears fall to the floor.

"Shit," I thought. " Now I'll have to wipe them up somehow or someone could fall. (Y/n) could fall if something happened and she awoke before we exited the aircraft. I attempted to wipe my eyes as I brushed back my hair, lifting my head. I decided what I would do would be to sit on the floor of the craft in hopes that no one would realize why and they'd only think I was slightly more odd than they originally thought.

I began to shift to the floor but just as I was about to sit and slide over the petite puddle it seemed to disappear. What kind of place were these people from? I retuned to where I had been sitting and it wasn't long before I heard Okoye announce:

"We're here."

I saw a holographic shield open that wouldn't be seen by the naked eye and soon enough we were landing inside a mounain. It reminded me just slightly of the way Hydra had hidden themselves within the mountains in the Alps. I pushed the thought from my mind quickly. These people had done nothing but help me, help us, thus far. I would remain aware, but I would not object to their assistance for (Y/n)'s sake. When we landed and the door opened, a young woman approached us in white garb that looked like a youthful twist on a doctor's coat and uniform.

"Mr. Barnes," it is a pleasure to meet you. She stretched forth her hand in a friendly notion. I took it and shook lightly. Her petite frame appeared fragile.

"This is my sister, Shuri," T'Challa introduced her. "She is the one who will be assisting in the process of reversing what both you and (Y/n) are victim of."

"But (Y/n), first," I couldn't help but interrupt, my breathing accelerating to a pace it hadn't reached in quite some time, teeming with worry and anxiety. "I don't care about me, but she has to be better. She didn't deserve this. She has-" T'Challa placed a light hand on my shoulder to halt my words.

"Yes, will do all that we can for her, Mr. Barnes. You have my word. We will help her."

Once they saw that I was calming down again, Shuri turned to Okoye.

"Will you escort Mr. Charscovsky to the prisoner's quarters? However, before you do," she pulled a syringe out of the beads on her wrist. "Did you want to question him now, brother?" T'Challa shook his head no. The syringe disappeared once again.

"Okay, well he will remain under for another few days if you do not wish me to dose him with the antidote."

"We will help Ms. (Y/L/n) first. We will give it to him later."

"Where did that come from and where did it go?" I asked, jarred from the technology, something that seemed more like magic, that was being operated before my very eyes. Shuri ignored my question, motioning to Charscovsky to be taken away and then for T'Challa and myself to follow her. She led the way down the corridor to wherever the next step awaited in this mission I was on to save the woman I loved. I tried not to think of how she would probably never be mine again after this, but I would forever love her and do everything in my power to save her from this hell I had inadvertently put her in.

STEVE POV

____________

I couldn't believe Buck left without telling anyone and had walked right into the hands of Hydra. After everything he'd been through, he just walked, ran actually according to Natasha, well within their reach. This girl...she meant even more than I thought possible. God...(Y/n), I can't believe she had to get caught up in all of this. I can't believe she's been turned. I don't know if Buck will make it through this one if these strangers can't help her. We're going to have to-

"Have I mentioned that I fucking hate this," Natasha's biting, yet quiet and anxious tone, broke into my stream of consciousness.

"No, but I didn't imagine you felt much differently." I paused. "For what it's worth, I hate it too." A memory came into my mind, rendering me nervous to broach the subject but there hadn't been a chance before now.

"So, I want to ask, possibly discuss, something that may not be the most comfortable, and if you don't want to talk about it just tell me to shut up, okay?" She side-eyed me.

"Okay."

"I learned something new, at least as long as (Y/n) was telling the truth." I swallowed hard before continuing. "You and Buck?"

"Shit," was all she responded for a moment. "How did that come up? And when?"

"Right before they saw each other in the park. She thought you two had rekindled something. She tried to be happy about it. She said how y'all were better suited for each other." I waited but Nat didn't respond. After a few moments, I continued. "Like I said, we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. Basically I wanted to apologize for being an idiot. I've probably not made things easier for you when I-"

"Shut up, Steve," she said bluntly. I looked away but happened to see her turn towards me and smirk. "I accept and appreciate your unnecessary apology." She hesitated but then seemed to exhale so much more than words. "I've loved him for years, of course. I thought I had lost him for quite some time, but I still held him in my heart, no matter how much it hurt. Then he came back, he appeared out of nowhere just like he did then and my heart...I didn't think I could take it. I'll be honest, I loathed (Y/n) with all of my being even bef-"

"Oh trust me, we were all aware," I couldn't stop myself from interrupting playfully, to which she only mock gawked before rolling her eyes but persisted with her story.

"Well as I as saying, I loathed her before I knew her, when I met her, even when she left, but when she left, I loathed her less. It didn't have anything to do with her attempting to fight back against the Winter Soldier to save my life-I don't want that to be mistaken as to why- but when Jam-Barnes came back to her...I knew. I knew it was over for us. I can't lie and say that the time she was gone from him, that I didn't hope that I could persuade him to love me once again...to remember me like he remembered her." She trailed off again, her eyes growing glassy. She cleared her throat. "But when she came back, when she was changed...in that warehouse before he accepted that he had to knock her unconcious, I knew-finally knew and accepted- that it would never again come to pass. I had my time with him, but that time is over. Even if she comes out of this unscathed and wants nothing to do with him, I won't pursue him any further. I can't do it. He loves her too much."

"We're about to hit the radius spot," Sam called over his shoulder.

"I'll make contact." Before she could finish the message, however, a voice came back through the jet's PA system.

"Ms. Romanoff, we are presuming." Okoye's voice flooded everyone's nerves, amping them up even more.

"Yes, it's Natasha and the team. Where are Barnes and (Y/n)?"

"They are together, but (Y/n) is still under." T'Challa's voice came through in answer. "We have not yet begun to work on her condition in depth. Charscovsky will be under until we are ready to question him. If you are willing to put your jet on autopilot, we will steer you in. If you prefer, we will send the flight patterns and coordinates to your system." Sam answered without waiting.

"I think I can handle it if you'll send me the positions."

"As you wish," T'Challa paused and spoke to some of his people. "Do as they request. Mr. Wilson, they have just been sent. Do you have them?"

Sam looked at the screens and saw the match. "Got them. We will be there in nine minutes."

"We look forward to greeting you all, and welcome to Wakanda."

All of us were shocked when we looked up and without much notice, everything around us changed. The scenery went from being what you saw on television to a thriving metropolis surrounded by African nature and wildlife. It was a beautiful sight. As Sam made his way toward the landing zone, I could tell he was getting nervous.

"I hope they're right about this. Or we're gonna land a lot faster than you guys want to." The mountain in front of us opened and it was almost reminicent of Hydra which only increased my nerves more. I was more on edge of what this sight may have brought Buck back to, memory-wise. I tried to physically shake the worry from my mind in a slight shiver. Once we landed, the door opened and there were a few waiting on us. I let Nat take the lead since she had supposedly met them prior.

"Ms. Romanoff," T'Challa said, sticking out his hand to shake hers.

"King," she responded without familiarity but with enough respect to get away with it. She introduced each of us to T'Challa and Okoye, his guard, and then came forward another young woman, in different garb.

"This is my sister, Shuri. She is the one who will be running the treatments on (Y/n) and Mr. Barnes."

"Wait, what?"

"I didn't mention that part," Natasha explained. "They intend to reverse what Hydra did to Barnes. I figured if I included that bit of information Tony may not come, too offended that someone else claimed they could do more than him." We both looked at him where he only scoffed in response.

"Mr. Barnes is this way with Ms. (Y/l/n), if you'd like to see them." She turned and led the way, the team following close, still slightly on edge, taking in the wonders of underground Wakanda.

READER POV

____________

Everything faded to black. I felt the remorse in my own chest and I began screaming for Bucky, not for him to rescue me, but for his pain. I never had any true clue as to what he had gone through. These glimpses into parts of his past affected me more than any concept I thought I had previously had of him. After some time of screaming for him, screaming "BUCKY! NO! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry," I realized that I could hear my voice. It wasn't a scream like it was in my mind, but I could hear. I was no longer silenced. I didn't know what had changed. Everything was still pitch black, but I could scream and that made me stop in my tracks, puzzled. The memories flooded back in the silence and I began again, like a looped track: "Bucky. I'm so sorry. I know. I know now. I love you. I know. I'm so sorry." I began to hear something outside of the silence...the faintest of voices.

"(Y/n), (Y/n)? Can you hear me? It's Bucky. I'm here. You're okay. I'm right here." I heard him say seemingly aside. "Oh my God, where is Shuri? Shuri!!"

Who was Shuri? Where were we? I heard the beeping of monitors and I realized it was probably some horrid trick of Hydra. Shuri must be one of theirs. I began to struggle and I could feel my strength compiling and making a difference in my restraints. The grips were loosening.

"LET ME GO! I'll kill every one of you for what you did," I heard my growl. I began struggling and finally my eyes opened. I saw him. My blood ran cold. My target, his face horror-stricken. Good, he should be frightened. I was able to break through the straps then.

BUCKY POV

___________

"It's okay, (Y/n), it's okay. I'm here. Bucky, remember me? I know. Do you hear me? Please, this isn't you. Don't do this. Come back to me!" Her words were echoed in my memory as I spit them back out in her direction, backing away only slightly so that she had room to stand. They seemed to only intensify her anger. In that moment I decided whatever happened, I wouldn't fight back. If she beat me until my death, I would deserve it and if I died because of her touch, I'd die okay with that.

READER POV

___________

I leapt from the table, iv's and chords ripping out of machines and I charged him. He was a traitor. He deserved death. I'd be the one who brought that about. My superiors would be pleased. I pushed him against the far wall and began throwing everything I had at him. A thought occurred to me. Why is he not fighting back? I hit him again, but slower. He was bleeding from the side of his eye, his nose and mouth. He remained conscious. I hit him again.

"FIGHT BACK!" I yelled, sticking my knee into his throat attempting to give him reason to fight for his life. "This makes for much less entertainment if you don't put up a fight." Still he did not do as I suspected. He tapped my thigh lightly, beckoning me to give him the power to speak. I pinned his arms down with my legs, letting go of his throat, feeling the cold metal on my skin. Something pricked in my mind, but I didn't know what it was. It made me angrier.

"I love you, (Y/n). Do it. Kill me. I won't fight you."

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clexa--warrior · 5 years

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Fear The Walking Dead' continues its losing streak in Sunday night's episode 'Ner Tamid.'

Credit: AMC

Sunday night's episode of Fear The Walking Dead was a little bit better than the rest of this half of the season, and I think I know why: There was no Morgan!s

Morgan and Al are off doing their own thing, and miraculously we didn't hear from either one this week. That's good! Sadly, we also didn't get any Alicia. She remains one of the only characters I still like on this show, though the past few episodes have done their level best to character-assassinate her (she's probably off painting more trees at this point).

The rest of the episode was pretty much about as pointless as the rest of the episodes in Season 5. Charlie "runs away" from the convoy to go find some place for them to stay, so that they're not always on the move. Finding a place to stay is a really good idea. Running off on your own in the zombie apocalypse is stupid beyond all reckoning, and I wish the writers and producers would stop making the characters act like such absolute dunces every week.

It appears the real problem is June, who is apparently in charge of the caravan and its 36 members. She's driving them all hard, not letting them stay in one place long, no rest for the weary and all that jazz. Even John Dorie is like "Hey June, baby, I love you but this is ridiculous," but it falls on deaf ears. I'm not sure why June is acting like this, or why she's suddenly in charge, or why they have a caravan instead of a base to begin with, but that doesn't matter. Fear The Walking Dead just does stuff, and we're just supposed to eat it up without questioning anything.

I think that's the only way people can still enjoy this show--just don't ask any questions, don't think about anything too much, don't expect anything remotely like logic or realism or human nature to figure into it at all.

In any case, Charlie makes yet another new friend while out on her own. This time it's a Jewish Rabbi, Jacob Kessner, who lives all by himself at his old synagogue. All his former flock are now zombies, calling to mind Father Gabriel from The Walking Dead (though Kessner is much less annoying than Gabriel, who I still can't stand). Charlie thinks this would be a good place for the survivors to settle down, but things don't work out. Before the end of the episode, the safe haven is overrun and Kessner is out of a home. Shocking. We've never seen the survivors show up and ruin a good thing before! (That's sarcasm, by the way. Everywhere our heroes go falls apart, from the family on the island to the Mexican villa, to the ranch, to the kids' treehouse this season).

June and Dorie show up and there's some zombie action, but we know nobody is going to actually get killed by a zombie. That hardly ever happens on this show. The last time I can think of it actually happening was when Madison died, but she died offscreen so we didn't even see it. There used to be some great zombie kills in previous seasons, but there's no reason to fear anything in Fear The Walking Dead these days.

That applies to Logan and his group of feckless, toothless bad guys. At one point they chase Sarah and Dwight--who looks ridiculous clean-shaven, though I suppose it's symbolic of his being totally neutered by the do-gooder sickness that's befallen the entire cast--and almost catch them but the tank shows up and saves the day. Of course, why they were so worried and running to begin with is beyond me. Recall last week when Morgan and Al were faced with a dozen of Logan's thugs and nothing happened. They just blocked the road and that's all. Are we supposed to think that this week things are so different that they pose an actual threat now?

Of course, it turns out that the whole thing was just a diversion. Logan wanted to distract the convoy. Apparently he's figured out where the oil fields are and he wanted Morgan's group as far away as possible which, uh, kind of sounds like what he did in the very beginning of this season by having them fly off to the nuclear power plant region. They're running out of ideas so fast it isn't even funny.

Is there even a story here? I mean, there are things that happen I guess, but is there a story? Let's try to parse it all together, shall we?

Season 5 starts with Morgan and most of the crew crash-landing a plane because they thought they were helping someone but it was just Logan tricking them so that he could take over the mill. The first half of the season is spent trying to get a new plane or fix the old plane so they can fly it back. There's also a nuclear power plant that's going to melt down, and we meet a new character, Grace, who is trying to prevent that. Eight episodes are spent on this dual-plot, with Strand and Charlie ultimately saving the day by bringing propellers in a hot air balloon to the heroes who then use their years of airplane mechanic experience to fix the plane and then fly successfully back to their own area of Texas because apparently that region has zero roads leading. It is a mystical island within the state of Texas that can only be reached by air (unless you're Dwight or his wife who apparently both managed just fine on solid ground).

So that's the first half of Season 5. Crash plane, fix plane, fly out. Logan has the mill. Then, bizarrely, at the very end of the first half of the season Logan tries to make a deal with them. This deal is not struck, we discover in the Season 5 midseason premiere, and Logan goes back to working with the thugs. I can't tell if they're working for him or he's working for them, because the show has done such a lousy, inconsistent job at explaining things to us.

Speaking of which, we learn that during the break, during the period of time that occurs off-screen between the two halves of this season, that Morgan has discovered where Polar Bear's oil fields are. And I guess he's also figured out how to refine oil into gasoline. And I guess this is what Logan was after the whole time, but they just neglected to introduce that conflict in any remotely comprehensible way. Now, five episodes into the back half of the season, the entire plot seems to be "Morgan and group go around helping people more while Logan tries to figure out where the oil fields are." Five episodes of filler with virtually nothing of any importance happening. Alicia meets the guy painting on all those trees. Morgan and Grace try and fail to spark a romance. Logan is mad at Morgan but does nothing about it. They film a stupid PSA and put it on VCRs with generators wherever they can so that people know that they're out there trying to help people.

None of this qualifies as a story, at least not really. The story, if it had to be boiled down, would be the conflict between Logan and Morgan's two groups. But that conflict barely exists, as evidenced by the times they've actually encountered one another and done nothing. At least Negan did stuff. At least the Saviors posed a threat, no matter how badly produced Seasons 7 and 8 of The Walking Dead were. At least there was a story.

Here we just have people driving around wasting gas, talking on walkie-talkies, rarely having realistic conversations or actually interesting struggles or conflicts. It's all contrived. You could probably boil down the entire 12 episodes we've seen so far into two and not lose anything.

Just take away the whole entire plane crash plot and have them tricked into leaving the mill. Then have Logan realize what he wanted in the mill wasn't there and go to war with Morgan to get the map to the oil fields. The oil fields themselves would be useless to Morgan since he doesn't know how to refine oil into gasoline, but he knows that Logan is bad news so he keeps that information from him anyways. Have Logan kill some of the good guys, and have that test Morgan's resolve to be a good person. Have Dwight show up as one of Logan's dudes, on the other side of the conflict, and have that make him question whether he's made the right choice.

I mean, I think you could probably get eight episodes out of this conflict, and then you could twist things around for the second half of the season. Morgan could snap again, go full killstreak mode. He and Alicia could break into two different groups and the conflict could continue between them somehow. This is all just spit-balling. The fact is, it would be fairly simple to come up with a better story for Season 5, with better and more natural conflicts. Actually, I'd have introduced Logan as a sympathetic character and had him join the group, had his treachery not manifest until it was too late. Make the betrayal sting.

But this is all fantasy. I want the same kind of tense conflict that drove Season 3, with sympathetic characters on both sides and no easy resolution. But what we're getting is a bunch of badly written filler episodes with no real purpose and an overarching conflict that makes no sense. Meanwhile, we get things like Al leaving all her tapes in a safe and then not bothering to even shut the lock boxes, and that's how Logan discovers the oil fields. We get John Dorie shooting a bullet at a hatchet blade so that it can split in two and kill a pair of approaching zombies. That's the kind of vapid writing this show has now. It's just sad.

Next week, Logan will use the oil fields to wipe out half of all living things in the universe and the week after that Al and June and Daniel will send Skidmark back in time in a time machine they built out of spare plane parts, and Skidmark's job will be to kill Polar Bear before he ever planted the oil seeds that eventually grew into the oil fields, but little do they know that Polar Bear is waiting for them . . . . it's a trap!

I just . . . I can't. I don't know what else to say. What a sad joke Fear has become.

#fear the walking dead spoilers

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mymusicalitylove · 4 years

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Love Lies

2o2o was supposed to be my year! So far this first quarter has proven that statement is false. I am reminded of the old proverb, “You make plans, and God laughs”. I hope this is hilarious to me at some point too, because I love to have me some laughs. 😒

Right now I feel like I’m back to treading water, attempting to stay afloat and figure out what is next. YET AGAIN. Stopped worrying about finding my partner and worked on planning my Eat Pray Love Adventure. Covid killed that dream (for now) - no more planning for the Italian holiday I was gifting myself. No more being out in public because precautions for this Covid craziness are now so serious that the government is encouraging everyone to “shelter in place” in order to slow down the spread of this thing. This is really not what the doctor ordered for someone who already overthinks when left to her own devices, but I get it, and hope it truly works to start curbing this nightmare.

Work is the only thing I have going for me, despite it being a riveting shit show of new protocols mandated every few hours. Oh, and working at a hospital obviously puts me at risk of catching this virus we are supposed to be isolating from. I am further opting to not get together with friends/family in case I am already carrying something, so I do not infect them. Just this weekend I canceled three separate plans I had been looking forward to. This reality only further fuels my loneliness and feelings of frustrations with where things are at in my life.

Wednesday was a disaster day at work. I already was at a deficit due to feeling emotionally down, and with an ugly tension migraine that I have had more days than not over the last couple weeks. Two traumas. An expired patient’s family to comfort and keep updated. An APS worker informing me about a patient I needed to admit because it was unsafe for her to go home. A potential placement issue for a non-compliant patient. And the case that took the cake and the majority of my night, dealing with SJPD and a father for a CPS case with the most adorbs 3 yr old girl, with a very complicated and infuriating situation. I didn’t get home until 12:30 am.

I am grateful for my work ethic and ability to kick into high gear for the work I do. I know I gave 100% to my patients and their families despite not feeling even 60% on the inside. I am proud of the work I did, but it took everything in me to keep it together and not burst into tears at any point. I saved that for my drive home.

Some days, I am totally fine. Thursday was a little better. Friday I was in a much better space and worked day shift then went out for a friend’s birthday. This will probably end up being the last time out in public for who knows how long. I had a great and very needed laughter-filled night. Saturday and Sunday I was supposed to go to the Caldwells’ home. Rather than infect them, I stayed home. And rather than be productive and organize the mess I’ve been calling my home, I Netflixed and chilled. And slept and wallowed in my social distancing depression. And rather than work on crafty/creative things which I know bring me life, I am now writing here trying to make sense of things so I can go to bed with a lighter mind.

This song spoke to me from the time it came out because I felt it in so many ways. I know I can be a hot mess sometimes, but feel that is what makes me ME. Unapologetically me, myself, and I.

Sorry if it's hard to catch my vibe I need a lover to trust, tell me you're on my side Are you down for the ride? It's not easy for someone to catch my eye But I've been waitin' for you for my whole damn life Are you into me? When it feels so good, but it's bad for you Can't say I don't want it 'cause I know I do Come on over, I need your company Cravin' that synergy

I feel I am a genuine person because I am comfortable with who I am and consider myself to be a pretty open book, but I definitely have layers that are not easy to shed with just anyone right away. I often hear that I make others feel comfortable, and I cannot tell you how many times I hear people’s entire life stories because apparently ‘social worker’ is permanently tattooed on my forehead (even before I decided to become one). I have learned to appreciate that others feel safe with me right off the bat because I know it can be very difficult to be that vulnerable.

As I’ve gotten older, I realize I am a lot less tolerant of bullshit. I would rather communicate about issues and let’s squash it to move on before it becomes something bigger. I cannot tolerate passive aggressive behavior because I have endured it far too often, and it’s become such a thing that my friend calls me “no Bullshit Betty” - what you see, is what you get. My younger years involved a lot of avoiding conflict and shoving shit under the rug, which is what has led me to the Eeyore-like state I’ve been pulling out of over the last few years. I have felt the growth and buoyancy of letting go and healing from a lot of my past hurts. I’m further evolving into a better version of myself, and I am proud of who I continue to become.

I think this is what makes it so hard to accept my “singleness”. I feel ready to find my person and enjoy my growth with that person, while also supporting theirs. I know I have a lot to offer because I have a huge heart and am ready to give it to the right guy who will value and treasure it. I am not wanting someone to make me feel loved because I don’t already love myself; I do not need someone, because I know I have been kickin’ ass and takin’ names on my own for the last four years. I do miss having a partner to share my day to day with, and enjoy in all that it is to be in a loving relationship. “Cravin’ that synergy” = accurate af.

Do I remember all the responsibility and bullshit that also comes with being in a relationship? Sure, but I feel that I have learned a shitload from my past relationships, as well as my time of solitude. I tried the “no strings attached” thing while I was jaded and healing, because I was closed off and was not willing to open up. That worked for a while.. until I eventually grew to want all the “strings” (positive and negative) that come along with it. I confirmed that was not the right situation for me, even though deep down I knew that going into it. I feel as though I am now ready for a relationship, but again.. God laughs, because clearly I am still needing to learn or experience things on my own. 2o2o was supposed to be a reboot for me.. instead it has been a string of constant reminders of the crap I’ve tried to escape from.

Ok.. I am reeeeally trying to trust this extremely elongated process. Everything happens (or doesn’t happen) for a reason, amiright...?

03/16/2020 - 1:57 AM

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an-idiot-but-a-bit-more-refined · 7 years

Conversation

I was laying in bed thinking of something and this made me laugh for like a split second, then I got mad and then I started crying a little because, I imagined that I was a lecturer and I had to teach a group of Baby Swen about why their new fandom home was the way it was.

Me: Hello Babies, Mommy's back!

Student in the back: Sweet! Evil Queen references.. Umm, professor, I have a question.

Me: Yes?

Student: Why are our fandom grandmothers, mothers and aunts against Eddie and Adam writing Swan Queen?

Me, sighing gently: Darling, we're not against them writing it, but we have our reservations on the way they ARE writing it and most likely would attempt to write it.

Student in the back seems confused. Pauses slightly before nodding. I write down a topic that blankets the class discussion. "Swan Queen". BABY SWENS WHISPER AND SNICKER WITH EXCITEMENT, but I sigh once again. Someone notices

Student: Professor?

Me: Yes?

Student: What's the matter?

Me, slightly conflicted to do said discussion, but I feel it is needed.

Me: The issue the fandom is facing my dear younglings has to do with an ever running war on Tropes, Tokenism, Sexism and just all around 'fandom fuckery' as we've coined it. Some of you- rather, most of you may be familiar with how savagely Swen are dogged for wanting something that represents this current day and age. Be it a fairy tale that's never been told, or simple recognition in a way that does not make us feel as though we've been given a half-assed story that's tossed after it's done what writers and show runners believe it's supposed to...no-no, Your home- THIS home is a home that has to fight for the equality so that the younger generation may reap the benefits of the fight. Now, this may sound tragic- or seem catty, but I assure you, Swen are not known to be such. We like to leave that to...what was that other group's name, again?

Student with all the smart ass comments whom I adore: Crap tainted Swan!

Me: Yes, them.

I begin to write down a few categories and immediately hands go up.

Student: Professor, what exactly do you mean when you say- they will fuck it up?

Me: Precisely what I wrote. The Swan Queen fandom is not fond of being lied to, deceived or played for fools my young one. We know as well as anyone that 'pushing' is a thing for two overly hetero-normative men who run to Captain Swan with open arms and away from Swan Queen with eyes shut and ears deafened, will somehow manage to mess up a perfectly good story to tell.

Student somewhere in the corner: And when you say they'll make it more difficult- what does that mean?

Me: It means that Our ladies are difficult apart- NOT together and yet the writers seem to bring that as some valid way to deter the pairing. They believe by forcing these characters to appear as though they'd be difficult together would make it hard for them to have a lasting relationship. Trying to deter someone by creating this aura that they simply can't be around one another long enough before they become snarky and catty for all the wrong reasons is absolute bull. If anything- we have proof of countless times they have preferred to be with one another simply because it was obvious of the safety they felt. The care and concern they felt.

Student: Oh, so you mean like- Regina's stubborn and sassy and sarcastic when she and Emma are apart and when they work together, she's still sassy and sarcastic it's just in reference to everyone else and not Emma... it's like they're trying to make you think that Regina can't stand being around Emma when the only time we see the real Regina is when she's with Emma-or Henry-

Me, highly impressed: -exactly!

Another student in the front raises their hand: So, that ties into your next point of it being predictable doesn't it?

Me: It does. Have you all seen the consistent template that's written for a queer character?

They all nod and someone with a good bit of brains stands up to go on a miniature rant.

Student: Yeah, I have and it sucks. There's always the one gay character- (he manages to say with an eye roll.) But then there's all these other 'templates' that are stereotypical. Like if they do marry Emma off to Hook and she magically realizes she doesn't love him or that she's gay, they use Regina and it becomes that thing where the lesbian or in Regina's case- the bisexual, quote on quote 'turns' the straight housewife and she realizes she never needed a man; just some good love.. Or one of them dies- or in their case, both of them apparently.. isn't that what was happening in season six?

Someone whispers, Lexa deserved better and puts up a fist. Other students nod at the other baby Swen and agree.

Student who laughs sarcastically all the time: Or how about this one, She realizes she's not gay either after a bunch of passionate nights with Regina and then she goes back to.. the one handed wonder.. God, don't let her get pregnant-

Other Student yells in pain: -DEAR GOD, PLEASE DON'T GIVE ME IMAGES OF ANOTHER WHINY VERSION OF HOOK! But let's not forget the ones who argue all the time and can't keep a stable relationship and are secretive and all that other junk the L Word made beyond obvious.And if that's not bad enough, they both get beards and are tortured for seasons with men they have no chemistry with and these are women who have chemistry with brick walls and can't even make that shit work-

Me: -Alright.. alright, focus. Yes, these are the templates I'm referring to. But let us not forget the ones that gay male characters also go through.

Someone snorts because they only have one template for gay males.

Student: You mean they're difficult and mysterious and cute little twinks who get thrown with other cute twinks or big buff guys with daddy issues and bam- magical ending?

Me: Correct..moving on.. The third points says-

I'm interrupted as they all say it together

Students: Tokenism!

Me: This is just the TV way of saying affirmative action.. Fanciful in meaning isn't it?

Student: It's trash!

Me: Yes, I do suppose it is... however, would someone like to express why the word tokenism still would apply to Swan Queen?

Hands immediately go up.

Student: Well, if we're being honest here, We already got it once before and we don't even know what the deal is with that story anymore...Swen fears that tokenism can still be a thing for Swan Queen because Eddie and Adam only attempt Swan Mills episodes when their ratings drop and as that becomes a case, so does the question of will they just do Swan Queen to stay on the air and never explore it the way they should... We've been hearing of season seven being the final season and our worry is no longer that they will fuck it up. Quite frankly we don't even want them to write it anymore, we'll take it off their hands and make our own show out of it. The problem arises when they create the asinine plan to use it as a last minute crutch to 'go out with a bang' or something. Like, What if this season completely tanks it and season seven is in fact the last season,right? They get the plan, Hmm maybe we should do Swan Queen in the last episode and that'll justify all of the crap we've put these people through, just to say they did something some grande and amazing thing for us, when in reality, they were trying to save their shitty revenue.

Student directly adjacent: Can I add on to that?

Other student nods.

Student: It really is sad though when we were willing to settle for anything- any sort of thing, just to know we were being heard no matter how much we fought- no matter how much our fandom grandmothers have fought. I think deep down, a lot of us know they just won't do it, like they really won't and even if they do, the luxury of it has just faded. The luxury of it would have faded and they'll try to force it to be overly gooey and 'loving' or cutesy when that's not what we asked for. We asked for a story that was true to life and very much so a proper representation for us all. We asked for a story that proved that strong women can work together and fall in love with one another. That they go through ups and downs and doubts and sticking things out and believing in one another and all of the other good things we've seen.... If we get it, if we are blessed enough to have Swan Queen- We'll be happy, but we'll be tired. We'll be exhausted and still disappointed that it had to come to this for us to be heard... I don't think we'll ever be as happy as we were the first day in season one when they met, if only because of the pain and heartbreak and the amount of horrible things that have been said to us just seems to, hit too many nails in our coffins. The fight will never be over, and we have accepted that, but I think everyone's getting tired of having to fight for something that shouldn't even be in question... and it's not to say we've lost our drive or we're losing hope. We're just done with trying to tell men who clearly don't understand that this is a revolution that needs to happen. This is a change that needs to be seen.. we're done trying to prove something we have too much evidence for to still be called delusional and reaching and all those other things. Everyone's tired of watching some forced 'chemistry' dictate how women should be treated and seen in this world. We're tired of seeing people be criminalized and denied a second chance at a love that won't leave or die on them i.e Regina.. We're done and we are tired of feeling like what we watch is what it will always be- nothing but a dream, an illusion... A fucking fairytale.

Silence encompasses the room and everyone thinks on it. (I legit cried when I thought about this part, so I'm sorry)

Me: We are tired, young ones.. we are, but we fight for us and we fight for you until it's over. We march for us and we march for you until we die and you are right, we have not lost hope.. we've just lost that many damns to give on speaking to a group of people who choose not to understand.... And maybe it is true, maybe we truly won't be fulfilled even if they do give us what we asked for.. what we've pleaded for.. and maybe it will make it all seem like it was in vain and maybe we will feel like we've accomplished nothing because we had to force hand for them to cave or pressure them... your grandmothers, mothers and aunts for this fandom realized many things.. we will not force anyone to give us anything. We will peacefully protest the injustice, but if we are not given what we rightly deserve.... we move on from trying with them and you know what we do? We make a world of our own. Eddie and Adam didn't give Swan Queen life... we did, and you did. They didn't see what we saw. They didn't understand it and they clearly didn't want any part of it, but the dream lives on. The reality lives on- the world keep spinning and life goes on and guess what, so will the memory of Swan Queen....Now I need you all to say this last point with me..together we will do this..

Even if nothing happens. Even if your words fall on deaf ears to some, remember the many that you have made hear you. Remember the many who sat with you and held your hands and kept you together...when things fall away and the glamour goes goodbye, remember your reality, your worth and yourself in all of this- Remember YOUR fight.. Through all things, every hard moment and every distressing situation.. for every negative message- comes ten thousand positive soldiers. Fight on and keep hope..

When you open your mouth and words come out and you say "May I have your attention please?" Remember that those who listen are those who wish to hear.... Remember that your fight is a plea to be heard and someone will listen.. remember that actions and words are one and you fuel them. Remember that when the world around you dies- you are to flourish and bring light back to it... remember that you fight for you just as you fight for me and I do the same... remember from now until the end of time that you've done your part in this world and if it never happens... still, keep hope, because maybe, just maybe...one day it will

With Love, Megan

#to the fandom #Swan queen fandom #swen #swan queen #this is for you guys

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contadorharrison · 5 years

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Don’t be ashamed of buying a bonk

Contador Harrison was born in a christian family. Back then, our religious education teachers in elementary school used to teach us that we would go straight to hell if we had sex before marriage. In fact I recall one of the fellow pupil being told that having lustful thoughts about a girl equated to having actual sex with her. Thank oracles such kind of buffoonery no longer exist in our societies, but I’m sorry if where you live that kind of mentalityis present.Those who took elementary teachers seriously were completely blindsided once their hormones kicked in as teenagers. In my case, I looked at it differently because I have never been religious and all never be. To me, sex is not something to be ashamed of whether married or not. The same should apply to visiting a brothel. Would I myself be shamefaced for clamming up when trying to buy a bonk in a brothel? Absolutely not. Of cause I am not naive to not know there is also no way to have sex entirely safely with many partners if you are a regular visitor to a brothel. When a friend wrote an email saying her and the husband are parting ways because of his brothel trips, she described him as the most weak and pathetic personon this earth for visiting brothels while married. She added that he’s a cowards who can't face communicating his problems like an adult human being and who expose his spouse and potential unborn children to devastating health problems.To shame her husband for his sexuality is also a form of denial, denial that she is sexual too.None of us was born full of shame about sex, its people who teach them to be. Deflecting reality of her husband needs is merely repeating the process, instilling the same feelings that he may have grown up with. It's learned behaviour, not biological.When I was a tween at elementary school girls excitedly used to use new words I'd never heard before, like periods and when I heard a boyclose to me talk about masturbation, I went home and asked my mother what the word meant.Explicitly shocked, she replied to me that I had to wait until schoolies to find out and that she will take me through. At that point, I felt like any answer, even one the I didn't understand, would've killed my curiosity. Instead, her refusal to discuss it implied these those words were bad. Her embarrassed face told me it was dirty. Luckily during schoolies, she kept her word, took me though all biological and sexual contexts. That way, I was uninterested with anything related to such words.In high school, with hormones raging, I saw countless times teenagers spending their entire lunchtimes draped all over each other, kissing, groping and talking about sex. A couple of boys at high school had bragged about their sexual activities, but I'd never been privy to their interactions. This orgy was unfolding right before my eyes, and while they seemed to be enjoying themselves, I didn't see any reason to be interested. Fast forward, as an adult I have learned that life is a rollercoaster ride of conflict and discovery with unlimited access to the backstage of sex life. Unlike the high school conversations, the smoke and mirrors always fall away and what emerge is repeated tales of sexual incompatibility which drives men to brothels. I know plenty of men who are frustrated by their partners' loss of interestand wives intolerance of their husband's sexual desire. Or vice versa. Nobody is prepared for anything.And it isn't just the clients to brothels.

Many women, apparently bored by their own relationships try escorting just for sexual diversity. One thing that I can say is consistent is the woeful human ignorance of individual’s own sexuality. The ingenuous questions and divulged secrets, the mechanics, the etiquette, the dos and don'ts. What is real and what's made for porn is hard to comprehend but just like you, I’m clueless. Many happily married clients computer programmers, teachers, bankers, scientists, doctors, lawyers among other types of friends have in the past confessed to me that their wives would never understand or recoil in horror if they tried to act out harmless fantasies. Things asinnocuous as being stimulated by female feet. Actually I know of cases where women, married to the same bloke for decades at times, would not allow him to look at her genitals. At first, I too grappled when hearing some of their obscure stories but I came to understand that these desires were as deviant as smothering pasta with ketchup. When I was in my twenties I recall a friend who visited a high end brothel and used the services of escorts. He was first encouraged to visit sex workers by a female friend of mine. She knew he was going through a dry period and one of her friends was a sex worker. My friend thought it was sensible for a bloke like him, who was shy and crap at picking-up women, to visit sex workers in between being relationships.He narrated to me how his first visit to a brothel was scary. You may think it’s easy to walk into a brothel and ask for sex but it was one of the most intimidating things he had ever faced. Having workedup enough courage to ring the front doorbell and realising why many men need dutch-courage to do this and all the time hoping no one he knew would happen to walk past and see him, he was let inside by the resident Madam.Then he was confronted by a new level of intimidation, the line-up. Not all brothels are the same but the high end one he chose that day used the line-up method to introduce clients to the sex workers. All the available girls, dressed in their sexy outfits and stilettos, lined up in front of him and he was expected to choose who he wanted to have sex with. He then panicked and simply chose the first one who came out but by luck or chance, she proved to be a good choice. She took him to a room and seeing how nervous he was, she offered my friend some words of encouragement and helped him relax until the time for inspection. According to my friend, the inspection involves dropping dacks in front of the sex worker, who, with the aid of a lamp, inspects client genitals for signs of sexually transmitteddisease. Seeing he was fine, she took his money and left him to have a shower. The sex came next. The sex worker knew how to relax him, she knew how to arouse him and she knew how to make the experience pleasurable sexually, emotionally and felt for days afterwards. For my friend, it wasn’t just the sexual relief, it was also the boost to his self-esteem that made him feel good. Prostitution exists, always has, always will, let's protect those who provide the service. Isn't it great that with age sometimes comes wisdom? Perhaps I always knew that, but maybe the female friend leaving her husband because of his brothel visits made it an issue she has some strong feelings about. What she may not know is that there is a thriving trade in male escorts for busy professional women but it is very discreet. Often as not, women are looking for a man who will pamper them and make them feel attractive, and the evening may or may not end in sex. The key thing though is that the women knows she is completely in control. Sometimes too, women are just looking for vigorous sex. Instead of treating people who pay for sex as desperate losers, let’s be honest with it. There is a chance that a friend or a relative, may at some point in their lives seek the services of a sex worker and therefore you should never be ashamed of making a trip to a brothel whether you are a female or male.

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