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weirdcat1213 · 9 months

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ok i have an oreo on one hand and a shark plushie on the other, lets do this

trimax volume 8 (pls dont hurt me)

thoughts

BUT BEFORE THAT, ACTUAL QUESTION: how are the 1st timers holding up? yall doing good?

ok now long post is here

chap 1:

-oh that title page its SO FUCKING GOOD

-MY BOI HES HERE

-oh hes not....doing it by choice.....oh

-legato looking like a pizza pocket is the comedy relief we all need tbh

-GET HIS ASS VASH GET HIS ASSSSS

-oh my geesus i heard that, i felt that shit

-"they abuse us" and here you are knives...doing the same shit

-OH THANK GOD YOURE HERE

-could you look less happy while doing this shit knives? pls?

-something something divine punishment from the skies, something something yeah ofc not anyone can do that shit

-oh hey why is he with them i actually forgot

-aw :3 i wonder who taught him to not shoot to kill :3

-also pls leave him alone hes not just a killer pls youre hurting my feelings-

-:c

-STOP VASH DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT HOLY SHIT

-rem mention :c

-knives can you stop being right for a second, thanks

-the arm...wow

-OH YES ITS THIS MOMENT YES

-i dont remember what the other translation said but "that was the day we both lost our minds"....yeah im gonna sit with this one for a bit and cry cuz its true, they did

-oh yeah i didnt get this the 1st time lets try again :D

-ohhhhh....oh shit

-i hate siding with knives on this chapter but i cant help it. i also love the idea of being even

-also he looks so fucking cool while being evil, cool points for you knives

-"invasion" and it ends with him looking at the stars/nightsky? brilliant

chap 2:

-STOP BEING RIGHT KNIVES

-ALSO STOP DISTRACTING ME FROM WOLFWOOD TIME

-ah yes, the classic, sweetest, full of angst potential "i will remind of you of your home and how you dont belong there anymore" card, good to see you here

-oh god i forgot about this part, geesus

-ah crap i love this tho, gives you time to actually take in everything that knives is causing. its so easy to gloss over it with some quick panels but to actually take the time...i love it

-ok ik they get absorbed by knives but the idea of them flying away and being free (for a bit) is so pretty, im happy for them

-...geesus christ

-YES MY GIRLSSSSSSSSS :D

-it makes you wonder what they did to stay alive actually, like you never think of that stuff ig

chap 3:

-wait they didnt know???? hold up....yeah ig that makes sense but...hmmm

-YEAH YOU TELL THEM LUIDA >:D

-:c

-ALSO interesting how the borders didnt go black to represent a flashback, so maybe it wants to show how present is that memory in luida's mind. wow

-"maybe hes been waiting for us to come and help him" aaaand thats enough to make me tear up, im the weakest bitch on the planet let me tell you

-YES SEE LUIDA GETS IT

-GET WRECKED BY THE EXISTENCE OF GOOD PEOPLE ASSHOLE

-OH MAN HES BREAKING

-COOL ASS PANEL ALSO

-oh shit so he hit some plants oh shit oh damn

-AH SHIT

-omg she looks so epic while killing people <3

-THERE HE IS HERE WE GO YES GO GET YOUR HUSBAND

-oh look its the man in the tin can lmao

chap 4:

-KILL HIM WOLFWOOD KILL HIM

-HALF A YEAR???? damn i always forget, this is still going at the speed of light tho

-aw no :c my baby :c

-then again i like that you can see that even if it was just half a year (literally nothing for vash) it still caused him pain and suffering, 10/10

-GEESUS BRO HE JUST GOT FREE

-oh shit oh shit no

-im not really sure how he escaped legato but im glad :D also vash is longgggg i lvoe it :3

-well thats just depressing livio

-pls leave livio

-KILL HIM KILL HIMMMM

-ok but vash being basically a ragdoll rn while wolfwood is fighting and bleeding breaks my heart let me tell you

-wolfwood shut the hell up ok? shut up, i dont wanna hear it

-oh im going insane :) i hate wolfwood so much rn (his crime was to say sad things)

-OH IT WAS HERE I ACTUALLY FORGOT THIS WAS THE MOMENT AWWW HOLY SHIT MY BOY

-YES SAVE YOUR HUSBAND

-"youre not lost wolfwood" wolfwood saying all that shit outloud and IK FOR A FACT vash's heart almost broke ik it i feel it

-baby dont apologize :c

-............................................................ :c

-ah fuck hes here

-WAIT HOLY SHIT THAT LIKE SHADOW OF LIGHT???? AMAZING???

-oh oh im sick to my little stomach i fear oh geesus my boy, my baby, im so happy that wolfwood is all you need but also im so sad you dont have anything else, do i make sense?

-threatening you brother and begging him to not sacrifice himself in the same breath...knives the plant that you are

-woooooooooooooooooooooooooow i love that shit, hes so little...

-PLS GOD LET THIS BE IN STAMPEDE PLS PLS I WANT A SCENE WITH BOTH OF THEM IN THE SKY SO BAD PLSSSS

-im not entirely sure what is happening but damn thats nasty

-NO DONT FUCKING SAY THAT

chap 5:

-LMAO HIS FACE XD

-welp...this is terrible

-nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo :c

-oh righttttt, i forgot about that plan, so thats why people called him chapel

-oh that panel with livio thats fucking brutal geesus nightow. like the old livio seems so pure and far away while the current livio is so violent and present

-my god he looks like shit

-MARLONNNNNNNNNNNNN :D

-oh meryl my girl :'3 omg shes the best

-im so depressed rn :D

-idc if hes rotting, sadly the man looks majestic af

-ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh oh ok

-NO DONT LEAVE PLS DONT FUCKING LEAVE PLS NO STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY STAY

OH SHIT THIS IS FREE BIRD OH SHIT OH NO HELP HELPPPPPPPPPPPP

free bird time ig:

-freeeee biiiiird yeaah tururururururu

-wdym congratulations cmon man

-oh honey......

-awww :c

-oh wow now im DEPRESSED :D

-ugh that fucking face

-hes so cool sometimes >:D

-aw you made her cry :c

-"tired of filling a space in other peoples lives"....hmmmm

-aw :c

I hate whats coming i fucking swear.

#trigun #trimax #trigun maximum #trigunbookclub #this shit has me fearing for my life for reasons i wont mention #but MAN CAN WE GO BACK TO LIKE #VOLUME 1 #OF TRIGUN #PLS #PLS IM SO SCARED

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mestos · 7 months

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minor pet peeve time

i will have to do some strategic ass censoring but ~_~ when i read fics i tend to enjoy the ones that are loyal to characterization to an extent, but here and there especially in media that have such frustrating canons or inconsistencies i look towards fanwork to really solve that

i love CA a lot. and by no means i feel the need to push my interpretation of them to anyone else at all—and no way i will do that—but i think i get unintentionally aggravated by the portrayal of CA that is like

A: I have all this pent up self loathing and aggression that I can't digest/get over

C: lol just get over it im right here.

Or like

A: i clearly have a lot of difficulty processing my trauma thats turning into trust issues

C: just open up and trust me!

Or like

A: how would you ever understand, corpse magnet!!! (Is trapped in a mental illness episode)

C: (clearly trying his best to meet her in the middle ground) im sorry, my fault

Theres a nuance that i keep feeling that is being jumped over here that is so frustrating to me ? also, the notion that exists in a lot of CA fics that is like

C screws up CA's dynamic and has to be the one to apologize to A. as if the problem between both of them doesn't go both ways. C and his insistence to be right vs A's perspective of C and the world preventing her from reaching out. Its a little annoying because, A's mental state and attitude is by no means an excuse for her to shut him out in a LOT of fics. And C taking the brunt of the "asshole" portrayal shows a lot of people's bias in the ship that makes me so sad.

Theres a common trend in CA fics that is like, C taking A for granted. Its definitely canon to some degree but flanderized to hell and back in CA fanon that its kinda upsetting... theres a biased lens against C in so many fics that I gotta be honest chief. Like why do you even ship CA if you don't like both of them? Why are you even here? At some point you have to ask yourself why you are even here in the first place lmao.

I just kind of... A's state of mind and depression does not mean she can't make mistakes in the relationship and its frustrating bc theres a lens to a lot of CA fics that clearly doesn't let A make any mistakes. C is the one thats heavily flawed, while A's flaws are self destructive behaviour that is portrayed in a light that makes C look way worse???? Fhfhhfjfhf IDEK MAN

Look they're a matching set to me. I dont multiship, KSN is fine but KSH is kinda a landmine (i dont like it sorry) but damn fr guys

Taking for granted happens both ways

They're BOTH very messy people and its not fair that every time its C chasing after A. Wheres the reverse

#neesan texto #NO HATE TO ANY WRITER WHO DOES THESE TROPES THEY CAN BE V GOOD STORIES!!!!!!#im just a little 😵‍💫#maybe ive just been spoiled bc i rlly enjoy this one writer's portrayal by them that singlehandedly brought me back here #and i also went down twt artist kagamis works #both of which portray C very sweetly and perfectly to me #errryone each 2 their own tho ofc!!! i think im just super delulu

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breadstickysquid · 7 months

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my thoughts on endless sunsets, from the pov of someone who is very mentally ill and has a partner they love with their entire heart (cw for talk of mental health and suicide):

so. ow. fuck. godamn. okay then. just MAKE me hurt like that.

i cannot formulate my thoughts coherently right now other than "AAAAHASIDSHFYDUUJIUWAAUUUUGHBBHBGBHGBBBAAAUUHHHH" but i'll do my damn best (beware, this all might be incomprehensible) AND KEEP IN MIND I'm not all caught up on the caimsey lore!!!

this hit me hard. really hard. from both the pov of c!quqqie and from c!aimsey (and all of their friends)

i've struggled with anxiety and depression for 6+ years now. i can't remember a time when i didn't struggle with my mental health.

I was doing really poorly in 2020. i was very depressed, isolated from most of my friends, and constantly behind in school. i was struggling, and at multiple points in the year i was very seriously (but didn't actually make plans) considering ending it all. i was tired.

early 2021 i finally joined twitter, to be able to interact with the mcyt fandom.

through twitter, i met the most important person in my life.

my best friend, my partner, my other half.

it's been far over 2 years since we've met now, and since i met them, my life has become so much better. we hang out of hours on vc, chat daily, and we just, get each other on a deeper level than anyone else i've met. It's cheesy, but I genuinely believe we're soulmates. For ages, we thought we were just best friends, until awhile ago when we realized we were actually queerplatonic, and since then, my days are full of the heartache that I have from just having. So much love for xem. When it's hard for me to see the beauty in life, they help me see it again. When they're feeling down, I'm there to pick them back up. I am theirs and they are mine, we are each other's better halves, together to the end.

A couple years ago, I wouldn't have expected to live past my 20s. Now, I can comfortably see myself growing old, and it's because of my partner.

I see me and my partner in caimsey and cquqqie, and it hits HARD.

I see c!sunshipduo as the world where me and my partner didn't communicate as well, and ended up being too scared of heartbreak after years of having loved ones abandon us, and cutting the relationship off before it could fully bloom.

I saw some people being like "woah, aimsey and quqqie sound so genuinely sad in their acting, thats really impressive. I wonder how" and I can tell you, watching Endless Sunsets, it... it broke me, thinking of me and my partner (or our half-us/half-oc characters) as c!sunshipduo. I imagined losing my partner, either the way that caimsey or cquqqie did, and I cried. I'm still crying as i write this. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my partner, and being a creature of anxiety, i worry about it a lot. I've had nightmares about something bad happening, and never seeing xem again.

Seeing caimsey continue living eased some of that weight in my chest. Because even if things go horribly wrong and something happened to my partner, life goes on. cquqqie would have wanted caimsey to live, and so they did. I now know that I'd do the same.

Idk, I might come back to this either as an edit or a reblog to dump more thoughts, or to actually organize the damn thing.

and yall!! I'd love to see your stories of your feelings regarding the caimsey finale, and how it helped you, if you're comfortable :]

Thank you so much @aimseytv for making this beautiful character that helped both you and us grow as people, becoming who we are today. We will all continue to bloom.

#caimseyfinale #aimsey #essay #mental health

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okcomputeroknotok19972017 · 2 years

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if you don't mind me asking... how did you start liking radiohead so much? what is it about them that puts you on a chokehold. random question i know but whenever i see someone who's deeply moved by an artist i always wonder how that love came to be :)

bwbwbwbwbwbwwb i love you i love you this is such a nice question to ask and makes me so happy :)

<3 i’d heard creep years ago on a television show and didn’t think of it for a long time, i think once when i was 12 my dad played kid a and wasn’t really listening to it but i told him to turn it off because it was bumming me out? LOL anyways flash forward to age 15 in late october 2020 and i’m playing rockband 2 with my family, and recognize one of the songs that’s on there: creep. i remember how the verse goes a little bit so we try it… i’m no good at singing it because i haven’t heard it in years and years, but i think “damn that was a bummer. good song though!”

that night i decided to look up the music video on youtube so that i can familiarize myself more with the song to sing it, and wtf, they have a song called weird fishes! i have a pet fish i like fish! i listen to it and WHAT THE FUCK. it's like nothing i've EVER heard before, so vivid and rich and what the FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. immediately obsessed with weird fishes. see jigsaw falling into place in my recommended, think lol thats a funny name, listen to it and go WHAT THE FUCK again. feel something shift inside me. after a 24hour weird fishes LOCKDOWN i go to the radiohead wikipedia page and recognize "oh ive heard of ok computer, dont know much about it other than everyone loves it," decide to listen to paranoid android first & then the full album. What the Fuck again. What the shit. Whag the hell.

i don't remember which album i listened to next, i want to say the bends? either way, by late november i was BIG into radiohead. hadn't finished all the albums yet, but the shift inside me furthered until i could hear a little "click" somewhere in my brain or my chest. ask for a radiohead shirt for christmas. get the DAEHOIDAR shirt from the website as a gift :-). radiohead is my 2nd favorite band. start watching interviews and learning bits and pieces about the guys. watch live performances. giggle and send everyone i know the winter wonderland cover. become clinically depressed. get through the rest of the albums. go inpatient. be half-awake one morning before the insanely early breakfast time, unable to move and DESPERATELY trying to remember the lyrics to faust arp. i fucking KNOW THIS. it was tearing me apart, i was so distressed....when i finally Woke up it all came flooding back and i was so relieved. i just think that memory is so funny. go back home and listen to more radiohead. cry to scatterbrain more times than i can count. that becomes My Song. start explaining who thom yorke is in casual conversation. get sent a lot of creep memes. radiohead has long since taken over as my favorite band ever and very soon my streaming stats reflect that. work the shittiest most miserable job imaginable at an extremely poorly-managed dog daycare and mumble the entirety of each radiohead album to myself to keep me occupied and pass the time as i very illegally was not allowed to sit down or take a break for 8 full hours. friends start knowing me for my radiohead obsession. therapist interrogates me over whether my obsession with my favorite band causes problems in my life. get a lot of merch and a lot of cds. watch THE SMILE's second livestream in january '22....

this is insane why am i going into so many pointless details. very sorry i got carried away....long story short i am the biggest radiohead fan in the world i regularly train myself in case someone stops me on the street and asks me to list every single song in their discography in chronological order and/or recite the lyrics to all of them and my parents know a lot about each member of the band and don't really like it when i involve radiohead trivia in every single conversation. i had a catastrophic level 5 radiohead moment at work a few months ago where a customer bought the suspiria soundtrack WHICH I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WE HAD and my vision got blurry and i couldnt type and could barely say anything coherent to him. my manager was unimpressed. a little embarrassing looking back but kinda funny.

why i love radiohead? perhaps because theyre the greatest band of all time. perhaps because im a greep. perhaps because he has to squeak and mewl while singing

#I went a little bit nuts on this sorry

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hikari-ni-naritai · 2 years

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Well damn.. I respect your marianne takes but thats pretty brutal.. Checked out their supports and like, C is okay, A is pretty cute! but B is really nasty weird like what??? Just straight up degrading Marianne and guilting her about it too, which to me is odd cause Hilda's usually less demeaning! I know getting people to do your work for you is kinda shitty, but most of her supports end with her balancing out a bit, or doing things back for people, but with Marianne it's only in the A support you get something resembling a connection!It's annoying, cause Marianne isn't stupid enough to not realize what Hilda is doing, especially during C and A when she almost admits she's being manipulative, I get that Marianne is a very meek person, but I dont get how she doesn't talk about it at all during the A support. They really should've left out the B support and wrote something about Marianne trying to stay away from Hilda cause she doesn't want to deal with the mind games or something? With Hilda doing some damn reflecting, which she can and does do! I feel their relationship is usually fun, but that B support is just gross! Almost everyone else she tries to manipulate like that either sees through her or calls her on it, and she sometimes admits what she's doing isn't good even if it is to try and avoid having people expect something of her, and either takes a bit more responsibility (Cyril, Mercedes, Lorenz) or tries to compense somehow (Ignatz, Annette, also Mercedes)! And usually if she manipulates "too well" she feels guilty and tries to fix it, but suddenly she's completely fine guilting Marianne into the ground. It's inconsistent! I'm not trying to change your mind about it, maybe subconsciously, sorry. It just makes me sad to see you hate the pairing that much, even if it makes hella sense cause that B support is that garbage. 3 houses' writing is. frustrating, in the worst way... On the one hand you've got great, flawed but lovable characters with interesting dynamics, but then they make Hilda, who's supposed to be a bit of a manipulative asshole with a good heart just. a manipulative scumbag with no qualms about destroying Marianne's self worth some more. Supports with Caspar or Cyril or even Byleth aren't like that! I wanna love Hilda and think, in most content, e.g. heroes or warriors or fics or art, that she and Marianne are a really cute couple that can bring the best from each other, with Marianne making Hilda take a bit more responsibility and Hilda making Marianne a bit more confident in her own worth/rights. It makes me so sad!!!! Jesus christ this is fucking essay I'm so sorry. I'm still gonna send it cause I wonder what you think and value your opinions a lot, but this can't be interesting so I get if you don't wanna fuckin bother. I wanna enjoy the pairing but that can be difficult, so I guess that's why I spewed this much text at you, sorry again 😔

im not gonna reread the supports but if you think only B is fucked up then i am worried about you anon. B might be particularly bad but they are all following the exact same plot of 'hilda convinces marianne she sucks shit and needs more practice, so she can push off all her work on her', which like. yes its manipulative and shitty and awful. but the real issue is the constant fucking 'damn marianne youre basically the worst you suck' i dont CARE about her reason, thats not something you should ever say to someone who is seriously fucking depressed.

as always though anon. i dont give a fuck which anime characters you like. youre more than welcome to toss the whole 3h script into the bin if it makes you feel comfortable liking hilda more. theres no rules and you are only binding yourself.

i am done talking about marihilda though, for the day. so i will probably not answer if you send another ask about them. dont let people on the internet dictate who you can and cant like. love u <3

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anosci · 6 months

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(362-377 albums etc that I’ve listened to this year, copied from twitter) (now with art. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20] [21] [22] [23] [24] [25] [26])

names and thoughts below cut

362/ Patricia Taxxon - TECHDOG 3 (2023) jotting down thoughts as we go like t1 oh… lyrics. oh… beauty. t4 bringing hella beats t5!! glass! t6 groovin :') t7 oh cmon why are these so good t11 is an otherworldly finale. like god damn i love the grooves in here in particular!

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363/ heRobust - Vertebreaker (2017) yeah its hard but im still not used to herobust doing wob? "Heavy Meddle" scratches that beat itch a bit tho, with that back forth beat "Status Busted" would be my fav song if not for the. yknow. yeah.

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364/ Patricia Taxxon - TECHDOG 4 (2023) lush and melodic. drifts. feels freeing. t3 rough start but i think this would be astoundingly good zone out headphone music t4 headfog max. a fav. t6 boid :) another fav t8 bt-esque :O t10 is a MASSIVE ending holy sht

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365/ Persian Empire - Kaya EP (2017) crispy beats. rotary organs. vibes :)

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366/ Patricia Taxxon - TECHDOG 5 (2023) this one's the secret "scary times" release and its damn good at it. wall to wall dour. some specific thoughts: t2 sentinel :O t5 man. this is a weird and cool vibe (beat) t7 is a bad dream. intense. t9 a small light in the dark. standout.

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367/ Patricia Taxxon - TECHDOG 6 (2023) i regret to announce my opinion that i think these tracks are too long. i love these soundscapes but not for 10 minutes a piece. that said, favs: t6, t8, t10. t11 astounding. cinematic even. this couldve been the end i think.

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368/ Patricia Taxxon - TECHDOG 7 (2023) it's the "feel nothing" lp, but like. "depression state" nothing. it does a good job but i have mixed feelings about it. EXCEPT track 9 has such an insanely specific feel id describe as "child alone in a room and doesnt know why". respect.

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369/ Lila Tirando a Violeta & Sin Maldita - Accela (2023) has an insano in the braino soundscape(o) "Talking Trees" wouldve rearranged my dna if i heard it in 2012.

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370/ VA - WILDCHIP != WIN (2017) mix bag etc well…hm. wildchip doesnt really grab me as strongly i guess? idk. that said, "Throwback Days" holy shit that's smoov. love the way the FM wobs are incorporated here

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371/ Space Dimension Controller - Na Púcaí (2023) chill timbre tech no(?) good nighttime music "Multiples Of None" in particular is sticking with me

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372/ Lee Gamble - Models (2023) slowchill for chill day B) haunting more in timbre than tonality. sounds like ancient RNN generated vocals, some of this. cool effect "XIth c. Spray" prolly my fav here!

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373/ VA - Nanosweep 32 (2023) a nice lil bout of dance floor nano sweeping. "Insufficient all" has an interesting flow. not chill but not intense? "vapor trail" amalgam vibe

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374/ VA - Metal 5 (2017) eh. predisposition bias tho. enjoying the FM metal appearing in "Mechanical Wolf" "Running down the Hill" is my fav but absolutely not metal at all. "Hornet" is my fav that is also metal

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375/ Alva Noto - HYbr:ID II (2023) understood as soundtracks to sodium lights. "Elastic 1" hit good w/ those chord stabs "Elastic 2" hits harder. some sort of bubbling intensity. "Field 1" low key banger with that beat

--- November ---

376/ VA - SPC Echoes 2 (2017) mix bag etc. much love for the rez in "dazzling!" "bed bed" is funny bc i'd consider it a morning sunshine title. ig thats still bed! "aurora surrealis" funnest snes-pusher. "Alternate Timeline" amazing soundscape! overall fav

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#media thread

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i-am-focused · 10 months

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ALRIGHT ALRIGHT I'LL POST ABOUT THEM even though no one asked

okay so i've been gone for... a bit. But it's cause I have a hyperfixation on this fuckin' cod oc that I made cause my friend also made one that is his special interest and we wanted them to be gay and we wanted to rp them. so yeah, that's where i've been and thats where i'm at. Okay, so i assume cause i'm doing this my friend will post his as well, so im gonna mostly focus on fly (his life) and his relationship with shark.

DISCLAIMER: we fucked these guys up, like big time, they are so mega traumatized and not just cause of the military. a lot of the stuff in fly's backstory is stuff i have experience with but honestly he just kept getting more fucked up over time cause the issues kept building on eachother and woof. damn. anyway, tw for sh, suicide, addiction, and just like, unhealthy shit.

Pt 1. FLY

okay so, his name isn't actually fly, its Jamie Flynn but that's his callsign. The callsign came from 3 things, his speed/difficulty when it comes to getting caught, his perspective on situations is a lil different, and his last name is Flynn so its that shortened.

RAPID FIRE INFO: Alright, so he's irish, hes got the ginger goin on cause i had to yk. he was raised in Dublin but his voiceclaim is hozier (normal speaking voice) cause i cannot be that stingy about accents rn. He is currently a Sergeant in the 141, youngest member according to hc and canon calculations. He's 25 and only recently joined, prior to that he was in the Irish military from the end of highschool till now. He's gay, he's cis, he has ADHD, he had a rough childhood (we'll get into that later), he is also 1 inch taller than ghost (6'5") and he's a demolition's expert amogst other stuff.

TRAUMA SHIT - so he has more recent issues but i'll start from the beginning, growing up he was in a not terrible family but his parents mostly ignored him and he sort of raised himself most of the time. He didn't have a ton of friends but he did have one named Ben. now, the issues REALLY kick in when he witnessed Ben get shot. This fucked him up and he didn't really have a support system and his parents weren't involved in his life so that grief and confusion and loneliness just sort of manifested as anger and poor behavior. he got in a lot of fights in highschool, he was a really tall kid back then but he got his ass beat a lot and his parents just made it worse cause they didn't want to deal with him and just yelled at him and stuff for it. eventually this became larger, criminal problems. he did do some drugs in highschool but nothing super super serious, but he did start hotwiring cars and going on joyrides, which got him arrested at the ripe old age of 16. His parents had just had his twin brothers at this point and didn't want him around or have to deal with him anymore after this so they passed him off to a family friend named Sean who was actually really good to Jamie. The first few months were rough and it almost seemed to get better but then Jamie's parents disowned him fr and he realized he was never going to be with his family before and it broke him. and here's were that tw comes in cause he did attempt by overdose. after that his relationship with sean improved, he went to therapy, he started boxing as an outlet, and he improved. He was by no means perfect, he was a C average student in school and he still got into fights but not nearly as frequent as before.

tldr: he's got abandonment issues, anxiety, depression stuff, and he turned out sort of okay? maybe? no that's a lie, you'll see.

MILITARY AND MORE TRAUMA - He joined the military out of highschool and after he had been there for a bit he decided to try training for demolitions cause Sean did construction demolitions and he always found it interesting. all was well for a while untill when he was 19 there was an exercise and things went VERY poorly, another trainee's device went off behind Jamie, it killed the trainee and left fly with a lot of very severe burns and scars on his back and other injuries that left him in a hospital for a few weeks. This left him out of commision for a while but he picked up again 6 months later and got back right where he left off, unfortunately he had developed a new issue. Oxycontin. it was perscribed to him for the pain during his recovery and they never stopped his prescrption because of his claims of long lasting pain. he was absolutely an addict for a couple years but he tried to quit and now while he still does take it, it is far less frequent and generally only when hes having some really really bad mental health issues, unfortunatley it does mean he combines it with alcohol. Anyway, he continued where he left off (just with some more issues) rising the ranks and gaining a rep until eventually he was recruited by the 141 task force.

Now how does all of this trauma affect him today? - welp. he doesnt maintain any close relationships, hasn't taken off his shirt in front of another person (unless forced or sedated) for 6 years, he has some pretty major anxiety problems, abuses substances to get through his hard times, severe intrusive thoughts, and has some genuinely awful intimacy/attachment problems. by that i mean he is still a virgin, never had a serious romantic relationship and keeps anyone (even sean) at an arms length. this includes shark, at least for some time.

see, he panics and has severe anxiety about allowing himself to get close to anyone, mostly cause he's got some past experiences that convince him that they'll leave again. so lets get into Shy.

SHY (shark and fly)

Shark, or Andy Lane, is another member of the 141, hes 29 and a Lieutenant. He is much closer with soapghost and everyone else in the 141 and has been there for a lot longer and has a romantic/platonic relationship with soapghost as well. He's autistic and hes got a lot of problems. he also has a service dog named Thresher who fly loves. anyway, so right off the bat, their relationship is gonna be genuinely awful for a very long time. We rp this, so no specific outcome is guaranteed but, yeah things are gonna be really bad i'm not gonna lie to you. they both have so many problems that collide in the worst ways possible. Fly has abandonment issues, Shark pulls away when things get super bad. Shark avoids his relationship problems, Fly cannot let things slide. Both of them are very secretive about their problems and its just not a healthy relationship.

So whats happened so far? well, honestly not a ton ig, they met, got off on the wrong foot cause Shark doesn't do well with unexpected meetings. they flirted a little bit, trained a tiny bit together, and then got sent on a really short mission. after that they sort of just saw eachother around, found out that both of them refuse to shower unless they're alone in the showers, and that's sort of it for the first couple months. After that they got sent on a extended mission, not goin into details of it cause truth is we just wanted to make them live in a house together for an extended period of time cause otherwise they prob wouldn't get to know eachother very much. so we put them in this house, they have a bunch of funny little quirks in their friendship that i'll talk about sometime in the future, and yeah. They chill. at one point fly gets a lil high on the weed and shark flirts with him which was a terrible plan cause it just makes fly a bit gay for shark. Then they watch the conjuring and fly is surprisingly terrible with horror movies so shark makes fun of him and then lets fly hold his hand for the rest of the movie which is cute. (this is just about as wholesome as their relationship has gotten/will get) and then more recently they went to a bar together, shark flirted with some people and a very drunk fly got real jealous and then they had a little confrontation in the bathroom and fly ended up kissing him :D so after that happened they talked about it a super tiny bit and then left it for weeks cause fly didnt know what to do and he was sort of confused by the whole thing. now, MOST RECENTLY and ongoing, fly was acting weird and shark noticed, he got defensive and then shark demanded some sort of explanation for why he was being a dick. fly sort of broke down and started getting really freaked out by the whole thing cause he genuinely has no idea how he feels about it and how to move forward. anyway, he cries, tells shark whats goin on, and shark talks to him, then flirts with him, then kisses him, and now they're making out in the kitchen. both of them trying not to freak out. So we have an outline, but i figure ill just give a monthly update on them or something cause this post is SO LONG OMG.

ill do another post with art cause i've been drawing them and i am way too proud of this borderline gay porn that i've drawn. anyway. yeah, i love them, i'm obsessed with them. i would love to be asked about them. i literally listen to their playlist all the time and yeah. swag. thanks for listening to this true nightmare of formatting.

#cod modern warfare #call of duty mw2 #call of duty oc #cod oc #cod original character #oc rp #gay #i love men #shy

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neowinestainedress · 1 year

Note

hiii i'm back hehehe glad it made your day cuz you deserve it since you made my day too!! 🥰

my next goals are 1) a happy fic and 2) a short fic. this made me tear up, i’m so happy you can see how much i love writing and i hope the same.

OH NOOO i forgot to write this when i wrote so long previously but hldbdldjd I REALLY ENJOYED LONG FIC SO YEAA I'M ALWAYS EXCITED WHEN I SEE WC MORE THAN 10K, pleaseee i live for it!!! but yeaa its your goals who am i to stop you, just wanna say the wc doesnt actually bother me as a reader cuz i love it. and for the emotions i dont really mind cuz i love a good fic with a lot of emotions! So as long as youre happy and satisfied with your writing thats the best a reader like me could get 🧡

it’s not a want it’s a NEED at this point (also it got nothing to do with the story but lately he’s feeding my delusion a bit too much so yeah). i might’ve written the man of my dreams in this fic… just maybe. no but it’s true that we don’t know him truly but it’s already a blessing to living at the same time. i think i came up with a good compromise between real him and obviously made up character, idk how to explain but the mix between the hopeless romantic – or loser (affectionative) – and the tease is just so haechan.

YES YES OMG I GOT IT AND I'M ALSO GLAD YOU GOT WHAT I MEAN like yesss we didnt know him much cuz lets admit it even how much we think we know a little bit of donghyuck by how the media show him, still we couldnt see it as whole and you really wrote a mix of haechan + hyuck characteristics so well. HE IS FEEDING US WITH THE DELUSIONAL WITH THE AMOUNT OF IGLIVE HE DID AND HIS BUBBLE SELCA CUZ YESS HE BE SENDING DIFFERENT VIBE OF SELCA ON IG AND BUBBLE AND IDK IF I LOVE HIM OR HATE HIM FOR THAT BUT YES WHATEVER AS LONG AS ITS LEE HAECHAN (we are down bad atp) and i could say that ever since i stan him, it's a little hard for me to read other members' fics cuz yes i could picture the scenes on my mind but i couldnt really get the feels and its probably because i didnt really catch up with others characteristics as well (or maybe cuz it's clear who do we picture the ml is)

i was unsure about her backstory for so long, because initially she wasn’t supposed to have one (not this heavy at least) but then it came to me out of nowhere and i felt it was more fitting of a reasoning for the way she behaved (especially her obsession with rules) than some tough break-ups.

tbh, I cried when its near the time fl said about her trauma cuz yea i lost someone i love too before so i definitely understand why she's doing that and i appreciate that you really think a lot into it and settle down with this because yes its more natural and convincing for her behaviour to be like that and since you've decided to how to do with haechan's. love your brain and ideas 🥺🥺

i literally wrote about a man that will never exist in real life, how do i bring him to life??

honestly there's no way for it and WE CRY TOGETHER. Like yea maybe there is, but they're probably other people soulmates naurrrr this sounds so depressing but yea not that im someone who want a real love irl too 😭😭 (nah tbh im still clueless of myself, idk if it's just me being so into haechan that i could never see other men or notㅡ but i used to have a crush few months back and i decided to confess to him so that i can move on so i think i really have issue on this but yea lets move on)

it’s a mix of mark barely being with his head on earth (they way he always tries to set mc up with anybody every time they go out when she’s sulking because she wants Haechan sends me) and mc and haechan being good at keeping it a secret (always in a corner, touches under the table, going to a place they know none of their friends will ever go)

yeaaa thats what i have on my mind too, idk for some reasons Mark really nailed this kind of characters cuz yess i could see him as the damn good looking attractive man but thw cute side of him is just hldbffjflf he is cute being clueless like that and can be frustrating too. just wanna confirm it so i can maybe sleep well after knowing how it really goes and thanks too for reassuring me that the fl and haechan really get the happy ending even after the story ends hldhfldjdld (that actually reminds me of how i always wonder of one of my questions in mind about if the characters in the story really end like you know they really disappear from the 'world' right after we reach the ending/last page of the book. the same thing as the 'and they live happily ever after' like do they still living after the story until they die or what. okay enoughㅡ)

i guess the long one? did you want haechan and the mc to get back together but at the same time you wanted to slap him for what he did?

that should be me i think HAHAHA my memory sometimes betrayed me but i do note that i have this one thing being so into detail writing til i wrote such a long essay 😆😆 yeaaa i really feel i need to give you the feedback altho i was late and taking this as the chance i could finally write to you last time.

i know it’s all fictional and those characters don’t exist but i wouldn’t have made it end that way if i didn’t know he could be a better man and keep on growing up, so you can sleep at night knowing they’re all happy.

I live to dream about fictional character to keep going. I feel like I could only love fictional character so thank you very much for writing this kind of stories, i mean you know not all characters need to be perfectly perfect from the start til the end (ALTHO HITS DIFFERENT IS!!! AND WE CHEER FOR IT) but some stories of course need characters where they are growing to be the better of themselves cuz we human is supposed to do that too.

last year i had a really bad burn out and i still have no idea how i managed to write the stories i had planned back then (and in fact i didn’t write two of one series) so i decided to don’t start anything because then i get mad at me.like i use writing as escapism and when i start a story and can’t give it an ending it reflects on me more than it should, so i’ve promised myself to don’t put too much on the plate.

awhh let me give you a hug!! 🥺🥺 nevertheless you still did well and you did thought of writing it, so the thought is what matter and we discuss it here too and i get what you really wanna write but you know sometimes even if we want to write it that way but if we feel it wont turn out like we wanted, might as well just write it short and keep it like that for the better. Cuz i do love it when writer wrote details for filler but if the filler doesnt bring the reader to somewhere it'll make it boring too. Saying this from writer side of me tho now i put a pause and resort to just being a reader for the time being. (i kinda slow-down since 2020 due personal reason and i feel like i need to do something else, tho i do hope i gain my love back for writing like i used to. maybe its a good things too like i just read now and see how writer structure their ideas and plots so yea 😊)

i’m also happy you understood the characters development because some comments drove me insane and made me doubt everything. i simply thing this ending was a clear cut, you either liked jeno or haechan and it’s obviously if she didn’t end up with who you were rooting for, you would’ve ended up disappointed. but to me this story was so much more than #teamjeno or #teamhaechan so i’m happy with my characters anyway (even tho sour!haechan you will never be like hits different!haechan)

I'm always in for a developing character in a story mostly because i'm also learning how to write again too so thanks to you too!! and yess i do read some of the feedbacks and just sigh, tho of course we know not all readers has the same preferences and all, they can be disappointed or happy, we could never know it. and as a someone who is happy with the ending, all i can say maybe if they give extra and careful look at some small details or think from other perspectives they could get what the story you tried to write. I mean of course we can't force everyone to love all of our stories, but yeaa dont worry i get what you mean and that series is really good altho yes sour!haechan could never be hitsdifferent!haechan!!

no don’t feel bad at all, i’m the chilliest person and i just love discussing about my stories but i don’t get mad when it takes more time to reply, i’m a late replier too so i can’t get mad at others.

going to expose my sign/mbti side again (before i stop my reply here for now) but yes as an infj (and pisces moon) i couldn't help feeling that way like i know you're chill with it and im someone who usually reply late to others type too, i know it's just me who think that way but yea i can't help what other people think of my action. and i feel the need to shower you with so much appreciation and love so yes i just did that hehe 💗💗💗💗 and i love you back!!! 🌻🌻

hiii! no yeah i got what you meant dw. I love writing a lot but sometimes it would be good for me to keep it shorter (around 20k it’s perfect) but I’m glad a lot of you read my things even when they are so long, it means the world to me

His selfies lately are a menace I HATE HIM HE KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING unfortunately I’m down bad for other members too so I can read other fics (not that rn I have a lot of time to do that tbh) but yeah, he *pun coming* hits different.

sometimes I feel like I put too much but building a lot around characters also helps me writing more easily, if I can vividly see the characters I can write them better.

my faith in men is honestly under ground so my hopes of finding a decent man are super low but I’ve got women so I’m fine (I say when my last two women crushes broke my heart)

mark’s cluelessly is my favorite part about him. I do the same, it sadden me so much to know I will never read about characters ever again, like all I have about them is what’s written in their stories and then ??? what comes after??? What will they do??? It happens with ff, books, movies, I wish some stories would never end

I mean you’re talking to someone that’s not able to keep anything short so I can’t tell you anything about the long comments hahah also I love these types of long feedback so they’re fine by me

No exactly like it’s fiction, nothing of this exists and I think people should be allowed to love CHARACTERS (made up, not real, ink on paper) even if they’re problematic or not perfect in every single way. Also extremely perfect characters are boring so… give me characters with flaws and depths and growth

no yeah absolutely, with the jeno part I would have something to say for sure because there are some dynamics to explore but idk I’ll see if I ever feel like it. Also I agree because sometimes I get asked for sequels but there’s really nothing to say so I’m glad people would like to read more but I don’t think they get (if they never wrote) that plot and dynamics don’t come out of nowhere, also not everything needs a sequel. reading always helps to write so I really hope it brings your passion back, even if you have to take small steps, if it made you feel good I hope you can start again.

THIS!!! and exactly not everyone can have the same preferences and that’s normal I only was sad for a few feedbacks because I genuinely couldn’t get their point (and it was about the fl not even about jeno or haechan) but at the end of the day I don’t go crazy over any of this, I’m here to talk about anything, positive and negative as long as people are polite, so if anyone wants to say why they didn’t like something I can offer my point of view as the writer, then I’m not a professional and I don’t get paid for this and I think people here tend to forget this too often (but not only for me, for every writer on this site) we don’t owe reader anything and even if I want to write something problematic all you have to do is skip it.

INFX GANG LET’S GO I’m infp and pisces sun and I don’t usually like stereotypes but I perfectly fit into these lol. No I worry too much about what people think of my actions too but I also want people to know I’ll never judge them for anything, especially something so silly as a late reply. Thank you again for this talk, love you!!! 🌻

#answered #hwaneymintea

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needyoulikeaheartbeet · 1 year

Text

MIDNIGHTS: FIRST LISTEN

From the track list I claimed: you're on your own kid, vigilante shit, sweet nothing, antihero

1. Lavender Haze

OOOOOOO i love the DEEPENESS LOVER VIBES FALSE GOD SOUNDS ???? I DANCE

Oh thats cute lavender HAAAZEE

ONE NIGHT OR A WIFE YA

Aw u werent even listening CUTEE

Im damned if i do sounds NICE

Omg the way she sang lavender hazeeee YES

That lavender hazeeee i just wanna stayyyy at the end there was NICEE

2. Maroon

Hello JACK this is very JACK

I like the melody of the chorus

ATMOSPHERIC

LAYERING HARMONY

SECOND PRE CHORUS

MARK ON COLLARBONE ???? YES MAAM

FUCK HELLO FUCK MY EYSE WENT :OOOO

HER VOICE is this getaway car voice in the back

3. Anti-Hero

OH I LOVE THE MELODYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

DEPRESSION LINE I CRY

A sexy baby?

Her voice the melody i cannot

Pierced through the heart but never killed??????

DISGUISING ALTRUISM LIKE A CONGRESSMAN HOLYYYYYYYYYY IM :oooooo

HI!!! ITS ME THE PROBLEM IS ME !!! HELLO!

Bro just so you kno wi love antiheroes

Omg daughter in law

WILL

Its me HI AM THE PROBLEM ITS ME I LOVE THAT

EVERYBODY AGRREEESSSSS STOP IT

4. Snow On The Beach

THE START SOUNDS LIKE FOLKLORE ESQUE

I LOVE THESE VOICE THINGSSSSS YES

OOO THE BASS ?? THAT CAME IN YES

FU C AGAIN EHLLOOOOOOOO IN THE CHORUS !?!!

I GOT GOOSEBUMPS IM CRYING TAYLOR AND LANA??????????? STFUUU 2012 me would have DIEDDDDDDDDDDD

I also searched aurora borealis My personality when i was 13 wanting to be an astronomer

Im literally crying from hearing that lana taylor voiceage help me

BITCH WTF ITS THEM TOGETHER I CANNOT

CAN THIS BE A REAL THING CAN IT <3 i love that

Its comin down sounds so prettiiiii

5. You're On Your Own, Kid

I love how her voice sounds wow

Omg i really love her voice

Imma cry i love how her voice sounds And the flow of the song

THE MUSIC SOUND OF SYNTH AND THE HE LOVES ME NOT STOP OOO THE GUITAR

JUST TO LEARN MY DREAMS ARENT RARE

THIS GUITAR SHIT IS MAKING ME CRYYYYYYYYY

THE BRIDGE IM SOBBING

Ok i cried now i have recuperated wow im back sorry

(i took a like... 10 minute break to get my shit together)

6. Midnight Rain

InterestinG

Ooo WAVEY

He was sunshine i was midnight RAIN

Ok interesting voice choice lol

V WAVEYYY

I wanna soft mosh Every high note in the chorus imma push someone (with love)

AND THE LIFE I GAVE AWAYYYYYY

oof never thinks of me except when im on tv boo

Never think of him except on midnights like this Oof

Mood

7. Question…?

My face rn: :o Now pursed pushed out lips

ANOTHER FUC HELLOOOOOOO

No :(

Its just a question!

Fun second verse I LOVE THATTTTTTTT !! DICKHEAD GUYYY

Different drum line NEATO

Then what did you dooooooo

That was interesting LOL

I wonder what the cheering recording is from LOL

The More of a fight in the background there was nice

8. Vigilante Shit

OKAYYYYY

THE BEATTTTTTT THE LYRICS MELODYYYYYYY

OKAYYYYY

I DRESS FOR REVENGE OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

GET EVEEEEN OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

ALRIGHT

I KEEP SAYING WOW

MY JAW IS DROPPED

OKAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

THE MELODY OF THAT PART JUST THERE THEN THE BEAT STOP IM HANDS ON HEADDDDDDDD

SHUT UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

THAT WAS SO GOOD STFU What the FUCK

9. BEWJEWELD Bejeweled

THOSE FIRST LINES HER VOICE THE MELODY SHUT UP

SHIMMER HUHHHH MIRRORBALL LEVEL UP >:)

STABBY SOUNDS

NICE!

Wow i really love the melody of that at the start of the verses

THIS IS SO FUN IM DANCING AND SO JACK / BLEACHERS THIS LIVE WOULD BE SO FUN TO DANCE TO WITH OTHER PEOPLE

WHATS A GIRL GONAN DO!

10. Labyrinth

AM I UNDERWATER

OK MISS ANGELIC VOICE

OK THOSE HIGH NOTES

the progression of IM FALLING IN LOVES

THE BREATHESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

FALLING IN LOVE <3

Wow her range in this song

This is not going to be my karaoke song

11. Karma

DARUDE SANDSTORM INTRO

Oh then spotify stopped lol RUDE ok im back

OMG THE CHORUSSSSSSSSSSSSS I LOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

HER VOICE THE MELODY MY GOD

STEP BY STEP!

Her voice is like DREAMY im OBSESSED

SWEET LIKE HONEY

KARMA IS A CAT !

LIKE A GODDAMN ACROBAT!

I LOVE HER

Relaaxiiiiin thouuuught

Dreamy string sounds

12. Sweet nothing

STOP IT I LOVE THE INSTRUMENTS AND MELODY AND HER LIL VOICE TIRED EYE!!! STOP THAT SO CUTE

Wow she can go so low shes so cool what the heck

This is so romantic and warm

WHAT A MIND *italian hand*

IM JUST TOO SOFT FOR ALL OF IT

ME TOO ME TOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Aw i love that

13. Mastermind

Same room at the same time!!! TOUCH OF THE HAND LIT A FUSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ASSESS EQUATION !!!

CHECKMATE !!

YES THE MUSIC

I AM OBSESSEDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd

YOU ARE

YOU ARe A MASTERMIND MAAM

Omg the bass is like giving me shivers in my bones stop i cannot

Wisest women !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BORN TO BE THE PAWN IN EVERY LOVERS GAME BRO I LOVE THIS WOMAN

BODY I SAID :o! YAS GIRL

Bro i love the music in the prechorus

Its in the teaser and i am obsessed

SCHEMING LIKE A CRIMINAL

DUDE THE BRIDGE IS SO PRETTY HER VOICE IS SO PRETTY

CAUSE I CAAAAAAARE

I LOVE

YOU KNEWTHE ENTIRE TIME AW I LOVE THE PROGRESSION

I love this this is so sweet

3AM EDITION !!!!

14. The Great War

BRUISED LIKE VIOLETS

I love her voice

DRANK MY POISON ALL ALONE

Omg YOU WERE PLAYING WITH FIRE THE LAYERING YES

I LOVE THAT SO MUCH IT SOUNDS SO GOOD Uh huh

BRIDGE VOICE SO NICE

IM OBSESSEDDDDDDDDDDDD

Her range!!!!!!

Memory garden

Poppy in hair

I vowed i would always be yours

AARON HELLOOO

15. Bigger Than The Whole Sky

These synths

Into ears :( in bed cry

Every single thing i touch becomes sick with sadness :(

What couldve been wouldve been shouldve been?

COUNTRY SOUNDS

Live without at the end :(

16. Paris

FUN

Love how she sings the first verse yas

Im dancin

ROMANCE IS NOT DEAD IF YOU KEEP IT JUST URS

Wanna brainwash u <3

CONFESS MY TRUTH IN SWOOPING SLOPING CURSIVE LETTERS STOP MY JAW DROPPED I LOVE THAT

How ROMANCE

17. High Infidelity

AARON

Sounds like a phone

Bent the truth too far tonight

APRIL 29th !!!!!!!?

CHART THE CONSTELLATIONS IN HIS EYES …HELLO OOO 911

You know there’s many different ways to kill the one you love

The slowest way is never loving them enough !!!??? BRO

Omg OUCH???????? HELLO?????

OMG Do i really have to tell you how he brought me back to life

Put on your records and regret me??? ALLO???

I was dancing around *IT*

ouOUuoUOUOUUUUUUUU

18. Glitch

TWANGY

Oooo wavey

Situationship eh?

AND WHATS IN UR SYSTEM?

And im not even sorry!!!!! NIGHTS ARE SO STARRY!! BLOOD MOONLIT EH

The melody!

Kinda sexi

Sultry

2190 !!!!!!!!

This is nice I like this it is nice

OUR LOVE IS BLACKIN OUT

My right ear tickled then my left ear tickled

Fastening myself to u with a STITCH

Ok the chorus melody is so nice

GOOD BASS

19. Would’ve, Could’ve, Should’ve

AARON

Nice insturments

I FI WAS A CHILD DID IT MATTER

At 19

I got goosebumps

Memories feel like weapons :(

Im just like furrowed brow slight frown right now : (

Just listening to lyrics to try to grab them i :(

The if i… if i … :(

The wound wont close :(

Give me back my girlhood it was mine first made me CRY

I miss who i used to be :(

I regret you all the time :(

I want to hug her

20. Dear Reader

Whoa these synths make it feel really 80s

Wow

Wiggly voice in chorus ? WIGGLY

you don't have to answer JUST CAUSE THEY ASKED YOU

Bend when you can, snap when you have to

IS THIS FOR ME???? FOR US???? YOU ARE MY GUIDING LIGHT PLS ILY

#personal #midnights #midnights taylor swift #taylor swift midnights #taylor swift #tsmidnights #first listen

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weirdcat1213 · 11 months

Text

TRIMAX VOLUME ONE LETS GOOOOOO ....i didnt remember this was just 6 chapters...wow

ANYWAY LETS GO

chap 1:

-youre right IT MUST BE TOLD TIL THE END OF TIMES

-1st act of god you say...huh

-yeah who could believe that...thats insane....jaja

-ERIKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

-ik this was written in the 90s but i still dont like eriks saying that, like wth man lina is right

-hey lina :3 missed you

-....i like the new glasses...

-THAT SHOT REFLECTING VAHS YES THATS NICE LETS GO

-"lina cover your eyes :]" oh :c

-"oh is eriks again" :c

-YEAH GRANNY KILL THEM ALL >:D

-"stop. some legend that is" ow :c

-this is all just so sad cuz he rea;;y wanted to retire but he cant :c hes vash the stampede

-ww laughing at fake vash is the best xd

-YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >:D

-also thats funny cuz yeah vash COULD shoot you in a matter of seconds but thats not what his name means and i really like that :3

chap 2:

-aw lina :c

-imagine going to the store and finding the silliest/most depressed wet cat in the universe ready for adoption

-GIVE ME THE PONY TAIL STAMPEDE GIVE IT TO ME PLS

-ok but how did you (from the perspective of a stranger) figure that knives was a name? knives comes from knife, so if a random person read "knives" wouldn't they think about the utensil first?????

-vash: how do you know so much about this evil entity that is my brother?

ww: hehe, please

-ily lina theyre talking bs

-YEAH >:D FREE BODY GUARD

-...im not ready for stampede eriks i will evaporate

-OH MY GOD THE HAIR

-BRO SHUT UP OFC SHE SAYS SHE DOESNT HAVE THAT POWER WHEN HE KICKED (i think) A FUCKING BULLET IM SO SAD

-....I WILL EVAPORATE IM TELLING YOU

chap 3:

-YEY MERYLS BDAY :D

-go get your vacation queen ily

-keele i will yeet you into the sun

-im never not going to be so fucking mad at HOW EASY THAT WAS BECAUSE THIS BASTARD MENTIONED MERYL LIKE IK YOU MISS YOUR DEAR FRIEND BUT OMG it just makes me sad

-wolfwood :3

-i like that :3 meryl just cant be an office person anymore when shes discover more of her world and people like vash. even if she almost died a lot of times, those were also the times when she was alive.

-YEAH MILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

chap 4:

-:c

-ok but that panel with mostly shade is scary

-i also want to lift my whole self with my arm :D (she said even though just walking places makes him tired)

-ok but if he trained like that for 150 years no wonder he's the only pro gunman ever

-i like his face on that panel, he's amazed and proud that one of his siblings survived for that long

-vash knows why is it always like that and he understands it but god he wishes so hard for it to just fucking stop and it breaks my little heart

-hes literally just an anime girl saying "hi-mi-tsu :3" (im so sorry i will never say that again but I'm right)

-he remembers people and names after so many fucking years

-also those children probably have never met him but vash gives so much ragdoll energy that they went with it (ok never mind maybe they did but you get the idea)

-cmon brad :c why are you so mean to him :c

-SHUT UP OMG SHUT UP

-all of this just backs up the SA interpretation and although it hurts my feelings....damn its just good writing. like not knowing what your own body can do and people taking advantage of that...makes me fucking sick (in a good and bad way i truly don't know how to explain it)

-BRAD LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE AHHHHHH >:c WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO HIM

-noooooooooooooooooooooo :c every time someone calls/vash calls himself a monster this user loses 5 years of their life :D

-wolfwood sir your projection will make me want to eat my own arm

-NIGHTOW IM JUST PROCESSING WHAT WW SAID YOU CANT THROW CUTE LITTLE FACES AT ME SIR PLS NOOOO

-"run away run away ">:b" i love him so much

chap 5:

-the chapters cant keep starting with flashbacks I'm gonna start WEEPING

-is geranium tea a thing? maybe vash would like geranium tea

-how dare you, my vash the stampede would never side with the cops, he's acab i know that in my heart

-THAT ONE PANEL MY BELOVED (the onle about looking without his eyes)

-hes so fucking done

-yey conflict time :3 boi oh boi

chap 6:

-oh the title placement on this one :3

-i dont think he will (or that he is) fine after all of this but sure

-such a loud chapter and vash is so quiet

-and again, there all judging, expecting to see what will vash do

-"what do you know about my pain" brb I'm gonna EAT SOME GLASS REAL QUICK

-...

-its like....its like why, why make me suffer like this. its not even heavy stuff its just that everything hurts. his impulse and desire to help everyone, his reason why, how others see him while he tries and sometimes win while other times fails. it all hurts in a weird way.

-...legato why are you inside a fridge (i kinda forgot lol)

WHAT A VOLUME i need to lay down

#trigun #trimax #trigunbookclub

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jewelsunrays · 2 years

Text

On Saturday I went for a bra fitting. I was kinda nervous, I thought standing there in my bra (crop top) would be really intimidating and I’d get body conscious. Especially considering what a late bloomer I am and that I’d never actually worn bras until that fitting. It went considerably better than expected though, but I did get confused on how much eye contact is appropriate to give to the woman who is gesturing to your boobs and her own boobs and discussing boobs and so on and so forth.

We got a Taco Bell after. There are only about 30 Taco Bells in the UK as opposed to hundreds, maybe a thousand?, McDonalds and such, so I really wanted to take the opportunity to try what I’d heard many people praise highly. It was good, but kinda mid. The way everyone claimed it to be great but it was just like something I could easily throw together at home but better was unfortunate but I’d still eat it again to be honest.

Then we went shopping. Growing up (by growing up I mean any time before 2020 where I feel all my life experiences and childhood truly ended) I’d never been a fan of shopping especially a shopping spree for hours as I’d get easily overwhelmed in changing rooms, with all the crowds and the noise, the heat and the ache of my feet. But in recent times I’ve learnt to tune out the negative in order to gather these life experiences even with all the bad mingled in, as I’ve ruined many moments that could’ve been formative experiences and great stories in the future by simply focusing on the negative and hiding in a corner and just spending my whole time trying to leave. Thats not really a way to live a life, so I tried my best to stay upbeat all day.

I’ve really been into brighter colours recently, so I bought some nice new tops, and a skirt for the first time ever. I also bought a dress but the skirt doesn’t suit my figure and makes my legs look bad, so I’ll perhaps have to get one with a skirt that flares out more like the skirt. I really went outside my comfort zone that day - a bra fitting, trying new food and drinks (that strawberry + mango ice drink was amazing), buying clothes that I’d probably be scared to wear or buy two years ago. I really hope I can keep this up! I also bought some bras, some earrings, a lacy grey matching pyjama set and I almost forgot but it just hit me as I was writing - the cutest converse trainers ever! They were like normal black high-top Converse but with pretty pastel flowers embroidered into the side and a pastel purple sole. I think I got emotional seeing them in the store and realising I could wear them.

So that was truly the first time I’d ever enjoyed shopping even though my mum’s bank account is probably suffering. I can’t wait for the opportunity to wear my new clothes, hopefully at Wetherspoons this Sunday if mum keeps to her word? I suppose she’ll forget though lmao.

Right now there is the most atrocious heatwave imaginable in the UK. It reached 34°C today, what a sick joke. And my friends from other countries are like ‘um damn ok’ and don’t really understand that - according to people that have actually been abroad - UK heat is just the absolute worst, we’re not built for this. Neither the cities or the houses or the people are built for this. My younger brother is staying off school because my mum fears for his health, that’s how sickly this heat is. I am trying to cherish it and would like to go on a walk but I know realistically I will pass out. Worse, all the ice cream and lollies in supermarkets have sold out so we can’t keep cool through that :(

I can’t wait for winter even though I know it will probably be depressing. My favourite weather, my least favourite time of year, if that makes sense. Even though I love Christmas despite its painfulness. I just love the cold and rain and snow despite the vibes that come with the heat is absolutely unmatched. This is why autumn and spring are rivalled for my favourite seasons, you get a good healthy mix of both weathers.

Also, if I get to go on a shopping trip to buy winter clothes to last me between October-May I will be so excited oh my gosh

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mapleshmaple · 4 years

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#dad came over to drop off some Assorted Valentimes Goodies (including but not limited to) weird cookies??#some chocolates and a fuckload of sweetish fish which im absolutely going to down in a depression fit later #he mom and i were sittin for a bit and talking about my cousins wedding and literally Just as i thought 'yknow this isnt so bad actually'#he made it about money and about how her husband/finance isnt really '''''doing anything''''' other than playing in a band #and i mean. ok boomer thats Literally what youve been yearning to do for what- 95% of your life?? but go off i guess #and fiance guy/his bands been on the radio and had a cd made and everything too so theyre like. Pretty Damn Good???#and dads sitting there being a salty shithead about it and criticizing us about why we 'dont know what hes Really doing for work'#and how we should ''''''be supporting her'''''''' and i mean. ok. not your daughter thats getting married but sure #itd be nice if he gave half a damn about mom or c or me like he did for that wholeass conversation shjgksdmgds #if you wanna bitch about how jealous you are maybe you should actually make some fucking friends for once you petty asshole???#try giving a shit about someone that isnt yourself or your wallet??? think with- oh; i dunno; your brain as apposed to your dick? chode.#hes really mastering the art of getting me n c to let our guard down enough to think that the other shoe Isnt going to drop #i'll give him that much at the very Very least hjskgmsd--#EDIT: ALSO IM GONNA BE BUSYW ITH WORK NSHIT AND ALSO MY UNCLES FIXING MY LAPTOP UP FOR A FEW DAYS?#LIKE WERE GONAN DROP IT OFF WITH HIM AND HE'LL WORK HIS MAGIC SO I'LL BE KINDA GONE FOR A BIT BUT IM OK I SWEARS

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lanadelreyscokewhor3 · 2 years

Note

my last request was girly/material girl!reader AND I REALLY LOVE IT! SO FETCH! so i have an opposite idea this time..

this time maybe an emo!reader. unlike before, reader is a rich kid with two baddies on her side meanwhile this time reader is a mysterious emo girl and shes alone (reader is like “i dont need friends they disappoints me”💀💀) to make reader seems more emo maybe u could add a nose & ear piercing,reader being good at electric guitar,rings,black nail polish ofc,last but not least EYELINER. maybe avril lavigne kind of emo?

thank u!

i dig this!! i made reader more alt then emo lol hopes thats still ok<3 i have been singing "girlfriend" and " sk8ter boi" by avril since the DAWN OF TIME :)

ULTRAVIOLENCE -P. B PARKER

Pairing: (Eventual) Boyfriend! Peter x Alt! Fem! Reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Friends are overrated, so when the boy in the apartment across from you, Peter Parker, decides to be happy go lucky towards you, you become rather annoyed. Soon enough, he warms your frozen heart.

Warnings: swearing, smut implied, dry?? (wet) humping, tit worship ( reader has pierced nipples), massive praise kink, teasing, pet names, drug usage (weed)

Notes: This is the sister fic for material girl. Kinda like the evermore to folklore. So of course I had to add more tit worship!!

ALSO (you'll see this in the fic what i mean by this) i love star wars!! i poked at peter for being a "nerd" in this, but star wars was my childhood, i still obsess over it to this day. anakin, kylo and obi-wan are my babes.

Enjoy my petals <3

-xoxo claire bear

Em, C, A. Em, C, A.

Your fingers pressed harshly into the strings of your electric guitar, flying through chords as you hummed a soft, sorrowful melody. It was rather depressing, the notes you plucked.

Soothing, but- depressing.

You sank deeper into your velvet chair, as if you could melt through it and disappear completely, humming a low tune. Creativity stopped after those first three notes, and you began to repeat them over and over until you were sick of them.

Huffing, you set your guitar back against the dresser, opening your underwear drawer to uncover your secret stash of weed. After ruffling through piles of thongs of all colours, you found the jackpot.

Bingo!

Grabbing the pre-rolled blunt, you scurried over to open your window, which lead to the fire escape. Crisp, cool air bit at your legs as you slid swung them outside. Your necklaces jangled together as you slid through the crack, and you cursed yourself for not taking them off sooner.

Yet, nonetheless, your mother hadn't heard the noise and come pounding at your door wondering why the fuck you were on the fire escape past midnight on a school night. The universe was on your side tonight.

Shutting the window softly, you trudged to the railing, pulling out a lighter. As the joint lit from your shaky fingers, you brought it to your lips with a sigh, drawing in the smoke. It tickled your senses as it slid down to your lungs, and you watched the smoke reshape as you exhaled.

The view of the stars was comforting as you looked up, your eyes becoming glassy as you continued to intake the smoke. A light flickered on from in front of you, and your gaze snapped down to see Peter Parker slide into his room, a look of content on his face.

He was always happy.

There wasn't a time in your entire school career where you had ever seen the kid upset, minus that one time in the second grade when he punched a kid in the face for stealing his toys. It wasn't comforting to you, as strange as it sounded. It was annoying in a way, the constant upbringing.

His constant cheerfulness and attempts to talk to you ticked you off to no end.

You watched with a sigh as he shut his door, sliding off his shirt. Well damn! you thought with a chuckle. Peter may annoy you to the ends of the earth, but this was the one perk of living directly across from him.

Abs were beautifully chiseled into his chest, the dim lighting of his desk lamp showcasing his back muscles as he turned around. You spotted the new Star-Wars posters he had pinned to his wall and it made you grin, because of course he would like that.

He probably had a full lego Deathstar built in his room as well. The thought made you giggle, and you picked at the black nail polish that adored your ring-littered fingers.

Suddenly, he turned around, eyes widening as he spotted your frame perched across from him. You tilted your head, raising an eyebrow as he pulled out his phone, texting at an alarming rate. The phone in your back pocket buzzed, and you pulled it out with your free hand.

Parker: you plan on bringing me one of those tomorrow?

You: sorry parker, i only hand out freebies to people i can actually stand

Parker: meanie. i’ll snag one from you, one way or another :)

You rolled your eyes pinching the joint between clenched teeth as you texted back.

You: we’ll see parker.

You clicked out of the conversation, scrolling down for any new notifications. It was almost sad, the number of contacts you had. It contained your relatives and well, Peter.

The only reason you had his number on your phone was that you had a project with him earlier on in the semester, and he insisted you keep in, just in case- whatever that meant.

There was no need for friends, that moto being something you had lived by for a long, long time. It was better that way. Fewer people to worry about, fewer people to disappoint.

The people at your school drove you up the walls, so the empty music room and a guitar were your only real friends. And your cat, Luna.

Speak of the devil, the little black ball of fur was peering at you from the windowsill, eyes wide and yellow. You smiled at her, finishing off the blunt quickly. Staring at Peter's room once more, you saw him bent over a textbook, hands running through his hair as he stressed.

You: get some sleep parker. history shouldn't be your cause of death.

You cracked the window back open with difficulty, the drugs making your body feel light and woozy as you shooed Luna out of the way, scrabbling inside.

Your phone buzzed once more. You ignored it.

Trudging over to your bathroom, you took out your piercings, and attempted to scrub the staining eyeliner on your near shut, red eyes. Luna hopped up on the bathroom counter, purring and rubbing against you as you scrubbed and scrubbed.

And scrubbed some more.

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November was your favorite month. The cold and bitter weather, the slush and ice. You loved it, mainly because everyone else hated it. As you leaned against the cool brick of the school, kicking slush, you felt a presence near. “

What are you doing out here? It's freezing.” Oh great. Happy go lucky makes his return again. “I wanted some alone time.” you grumbled, staring at him with a scowl. “ Are you even around people? Aren't you always alone?”

Fair enough.

You shrugged, staring down at the ice-coated pavement. “Are you free at lunch?” he asked curiously, attempting to meet your eyes. “No. Busy.” you said shortly, trying to end this conversation. But you knew he wouldn't give up. That was just the way Peter was.

“I don't think wallowing alone in pity in the music room for an hour counts as being busy Sabrina.”

“If you make one more reference of Sabrina the Teenage Witch in front of me I will gouge your eyes out with this choker. It has spikes for a reason.” He chuckled, brushing a hand tenderly across your cheek. You shivered at the contact, leaning in slightly to his touch.

Keyword, slightly.

“There's the nosy neighbour I’ve known to love. Come over after school then.” You scowled even deeper, a pout etched on your face as his smile grew. Pissing you off seemed to be his favourite pastime, and it annoyed you beyond belief. “What's in it for me?” you asked with a sigh, clutching your coat tighter around your shivering body.

“An endless amount of the Peter Parker aura.” he grinned, his dimples appearing as the bell rang.

Damn him and his dimples.

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Geography was so painful you wanted to jump through the too bright map that was plastered in the front of the room, the ugly fluorescents making it appear sickening. The clock ticked ever so slowly as the teacher spun the globe around, and you watched it mindlessly.

Peter, it seemed, was only looking at you.

You caught his loving gaze from the corner of your eye, him tossing you a boyish grin filled with innocence as you stared at him from across the room. Your boot tapped frantically against the cool tile floor, twiddling your pen between your fingers when he texted you.

Parker: i didnt say this earlier, but your new nose piercing looks really nice :)

You: don't feel the need to woe me over parker. it's not the only thing i got pierced.

You watched his reaction to that with a grin, stifling a giggle as his cheeks turned red, his eyes going wide as saucers. He got flushed so easily, it was a little victory for you every time you could get him heated from a single text alone.

Making life harder for him was the highlight of your day.

No pun intended.

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FOUR MONTHS LATER

A rock vinyl was playing faintly from your player in the corner of the room as you and your boyfriend Peter sprawled out on your bedroom floor. Your fairy lights glowed softly from your walls, making his eyes sparkle.

You giggled as Luna jumped down to join the two of you, finding her way next to Peter, purring loudly near his presence. “ Stay still Parker!” you shrieked as he moved his hand yet again, making it more and more difficult to coat his nails in black paint. He clucked his tongue at you, rolling his eyes.

“You’re so picky doll face. You never stay still when I’m tasting you.” he winked, causing heat to rise to your cheeks. “Stopppp.” you whined, applying the last coat upon his fingernail.

“Awh is someone shy? I’m just telling the truth doll.” he mocked, a wicked grin plastered across his face. “The truth wounds me.” you giggled, smacking him playfully as you stood up to place the polish back in your nightstand.

You felt his eyes on you the whole time, and you adored it. Peter looked at you as if you were a fine piece of art at a gallery, always making you feel like the most beautiful girl in Queens.

You hated attention, doing anything you could to avoid it- but from him? You craved it.

As you turned around to face him once more, his gaze was hungry as he looked you over, and he appeared as if he were a predator ready to pounce. It made your core tingly, wetness coating your thong. You squeezed your thighs tightly together as a piece of his dark brown hair fell in front of his face, his smile widening at the action.

“C’mere.” he beckoned with a polished finger, his voice as sweet as sugar as you neared. “ You’re such a good girl. You listen so well.” he praised, smiling as you straddled his waist. You giggled in delight at the attention, blush rising to your cheeks at his cooing.

Peter made you so soft you could hardly stand it. Yes, the cool, hard, outer shell was still there, still intact. But when Peter was around… well it crumbled a little bit.

He had found out about your need for praise and validation at the very beginning of the relationship, when you had answered a homework question perfectly in his bedroom.

Good girl.

Peter never forgot the look on your face as he uttered those words, watching it twist and distort into a small smile. That same smile was on your face now, and you gasped as his hands slid to cup your sides, stroking them gently.

“Up.” he whispered, and you knew exactly what that word meant. Lifting your arms above your head, he slid the thin material off, throwing it to the side.

Peter adored your breasts, how pretty and perky they were, how they fit perfectly in the palm of his hand. Like they were made for him.

And only for him.

The little silver studs that adored your hardened nipples made the confinement of his pants unbearable, and you felt the strain on your clothed core. “I will never get tired of these. Never ever,” he groaned, reaching down to swirl his tongue around the metal.

“Oh gods-” you cried, arching your back into his touch as he sucked and tugged your nipple harshly. “Such pretty tits baby.” he cooed, kissing them tenderly as you ran your fingers through his hair, tugging on it harshly as he sucked again.

Your hips began to rock on their own accord. The friction between your soaking cunt and the fabric of his jeans had you mewling like a kitten as you dragged your soaked pussy back and forth on him.

A growl escaped his lips against your breast, making you let out a pornographic moan as his hands met your hips, guiding you. Peter let his mouth go with a pop, a trickle of saliva attached from your tit to his lips. “Look at you..” he mumbled, watching you in your drunken state as you stared at him with lust-blown eyes.

“Love when you touch me like this Peter, so s’good.” you whimpered, emitting a loud cry as he began to bite along your neck. “Yeah you like when I play with you like this?” he growled, watching the way your eyes rolled back as you rocked faster against his very evident bulge.

“More than anything…” you hissed, gripping his hair tightly. “ S’pretty like this honey, you're such a good girl. You’d do anything I’d tell you, wouldn't you baby girl?”

“Yes!” you answered meekly, skin becoming hotter and hotter with each roll of your hips. Your juices were coating his pants, a massive wet patch had formed over his crotch where you had been using him.

“Peter gonna cum-” You were cut off with his sudden change of pace, his hands making you bounce up and down softly on him. “Cum for me doll face it's okay just let go okay? I’m right here baby I’m right here- oh fucking christ.”

You came with a scream of his name, your legs shaking as you gripped him tighter. Your cum trickled out of you, and you whimpered at the feeling of the denim on your over-sensitive clit.

“Such a good girl, my good little girl.” he whispered, peppering you with kisses as you came down from your high. “Don't deserve you.” you blushed, looking away quickly in embarrassment at the mess you made on his pants. His hand reached up to tug your chin, making you meet his gaze once more.

“You deserve everything baby. Are you embarrassed about the mess you made, silly girl? Is that why you're saying such silly things?” You nodded quickly in embarrassment as he gave you a look of pity, knowing it urged you on even more.

“Well the good thing is, you're going to be cleaning it up dollface.”

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peter parker tag list ( (let me know if you want to be removed and or added, or if i forgot to add you!): @phildunphyisadilf , @sonnydevils, @reyathens @ph1na @lassmich1 @myrapottah @s0upisgood @ayleehweasleyobrien @littlepeanut03 @moo-b1tch @gaiaparker @zaddygrinch8756 @lilostif16 @withahintofpestoaioli @froggyy06 @fangirling-galore @lup1nsl0v4 @fearlessritz29 @ethrealzzz @inyears@spideysfav @bitchybeegladiator @andrewgarfieldsloml @calrc0 @empalatehome

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cynettic · 3 years

Text

Stay with Me pt.3

Summary - You manage to escape from Scaramouche, if only for a moment before you realize there’s no escape. It only takes until you’re sitting back in your regular spot that you know what you need to do.

Pairings - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warnings - Suggestive content, mentions of death, swearing, slight gore / blood

A/N - Its really hard to make this depressing while I’m vibing to Rasputin. Like no joke- I have it on one of the 1 hour playlists :D

Here you’ll find - pt.1 and pt.2

He’d left a key.

Scaramouche didnt make mistakes, not while he had you captive in the vicinity of his bedroom. He didnt have room for mistakes, not when you were watching his every movement while he was in your line of sight.

Sure, he mightve killed a person or two in front of you, but those were necessary mistakes. There was a sign on the door, it specified not to enter. You’d understand that, right?

Thats what he thought at least, lulling himself into belief after belief that you’d be there waiting for him every time. That you’d welcome him with open arms, even if there were chains ensnaring your wrists. That you’d accept your fate at his hands and submit yourself to him.

The Balladeer was a fool.

He’d kept you there for too long, and while you searched for an easy way to escape, time sent your head spinning. Into a spiral that begged only for the wind against your face, back laying on dirt with the familiar chirping up birds waking you up in the morning.

You wanted to go outside.

And when push comes to shove, you had to risk a little more to make it happen. Lure him into bed with kisses while your hands unbuttoned his vest. But what he believed to be alluring contacts was just your way of finding the keys hidden in the back pocket of his shorts.

It wasnt hard to find the one to your cuffs while he was asleep, cuddled in your chest with both arms around your waist as if to get you to stay put. You took the key, hiding them back in his clothing and hoping he didnt notice.

He didnt say anything the next day.

You werent going to wait any longer.

“Oh for fucks sake, why won't the goddamn door open?”

The room was left in tatters behind you, a little gift for Scaramouche once he got back. Turns out a pair of chains can smash up a lot of things, and rage can be used as a great source of strength when contained for such a long time.

But you’d done more than throw the blankets around, cut up the drawers and smash open the windows. Because your fists had bled red when you punched through the glass, puncturing your skin. Your knuckles were an ugly red, bruising already.

Ah, Scaramouche deserved a much better gift.

Gruesome as it was, you rubbed your knuckles against the pale walls. Till the blood stopped coming, till there was a nice little message for the boy which you held so dearly to your heart.

‘Balladeer.’

The first time you’d found out about him being a harbinger he’d told you not to call him by that name. You weren’t someone he associated with by work, you were a treasure to him. That’s why you continued to call him as he pleased, although the temptation always arose.

You were no longer his.

Shoving the door with your hand again, palm fiddling with the handle and groaning when it hardly budged. “Stupid,” you grumbled when the knob began to loosen. Backing up, you charged with your shoulder to the door, full force as the momentum broke the hinges. The door fell down with you along with it.

It was expected, you’d been stuck in the room for a long time, and thats considering you’d sat on the ground for decades. Your body was slight numb, muscles sore and unused for so long.

“You a-arent supposed to leave your room!”

A young man stood in the hallway along with a woman who looked relatively the same age. The two were wearing uniforms, flinching when you stood up from the debris and off the door. “Excuse me?” You asked, voice unnecessarily icy and stern. But you couldnt care less, you were going to get out of this house, damn anyone who stood in your way.

They both continued to shake when you walked towards them, staggering from side to side. The woman stepped up in front of the man, presenting a brave face. “If you leave the mansion, the harbinger will kill us all!”

“Well then I expect you should be on your way then. Actually…” you gestured to the maze of hallways. “You can lead the way.”

“What…?”

Your hand went limp to your side, an exasperated looking momentarily crossing your face before you sighed. “Im not staying trapped in that room, I’m sorry if that ruins your life, but frankly you're not the one stuck in there are you?” You took an extra step just to intimidate them, eyes wide to make the appearance of crazy. “It would be a great help if you showed me where he hid my vision too.”

“We can show you to the door…” The man began, “But the whereabouts of your vision are unknown, he wouldnt tell us something like that.”

A gift bestowed from the gods, a piece to help me thrive with my ambitions and pursue my goals.

Gone.

You really wished you’d taken to clawing out Scaramouche’s face instead, but you’d take what you got. Right now your main priority was getting out of this place, even if it meant leaving a piece of you behind.

“Door.” Your voice was raspy and there was a terrible feeling that crawled up to your throat, but you didnt have time to be emotional. “Show me where the door is… please.”

The conflict in their eyes dissipates by the time they lead you along, mumbling words between themselves. You didnt bother to try eavesdropping, you were so, so tired. You wanted to go home.

Anywhere. Anywhere but here.

It took a few minutes until you were standing in front of a grand door, almost twice the size of you and just as wide. You then began to notice the decorational plants and furniture that filled the empty space, there wasn't an inch of dust. Even though you could tell none of it was used.

“Hurry,” the man warned when you paused. “I dont know when our master is coming back, but if its soon, we’ll all be screwed.”

You couldnt feel your head as you numbly nodded, hand clenching the knob and flinging the set of doors open. “Thank you,” you merely mumbled, taking your first step out of the house in what felt like forever.

The days after that were a blur, the area around Scaramouche’s house were nothing but void. Empty and filled with forests and vast plains. You knew he didnt like people or socializing in general, but to this extent?

Your only option was to run.

Let your feet take you somewhere, anywhere. It was a constant pattern of running and taking breaks, leaning on a tree and gasping in a few breaths before you were again scurrying through the forest.

And yet you felt better than you’d felt in past months that you’d been stuck with Scaramouche.

Food became any boar you came across, the claws you’d spent so long hiding with Scaramouche coming to unleash a wrath beyond your comprehension. Till the animal was cut to shreds and no meat was left even to eat. You’d slaughtered it, without intention to eat or benefit for it, you’d killed it just to kill.

“I’m sorry,” you’d sobbed into the ground where you’d buried the harmless animal. Forehead pressed into the dirt as you pleaded for forgiveness to whatever archons would accept it. You couldn't even remember what archons you were supposed to pray to. “Forgive me- forgive me…”

But eventually you found your way around to somewhere you knew. Territory of Inazuma where you could find your way back, back home.

Where was home?

You’d been on the run from the vision hunt decree, abandoning your post for the Kitsune Saiguu for such a thing. Even now that you could return without a vision and as no threat under the decree…

You’d sacrificed everything for your vision.

Where were you to go now…?

Rain patted down, the trees providing only a slight cover as stray drops fell into your matted dirty hair. You didnt mind, it hid the tears that slid down your lifeless face, feet taking you into the far meadows of your hometown. Till you plopped down underneath a tree, knees curled to your chest and arms hugging them close. You were crying.

You were home.

____________________

“Awh,” a ginger haired murmured, elbow resting on the cool wood of the tabletop. “Is little Mouchie sad? I heard your kitty cat escaped~”

A death wish, even fatui that idly minded themselves around the bar knew it. Sipping cold drinks and swirling their cups, the soft chatter was nothing but a distraction from the main course of events. That being the smaller Harbinger who sat sulking in his seat, hunched over with a drink in hand. He’d drank far more than what was on the counter, but everytime he finished a glass, he’d smash it on the ground, watching the fragile glass shatter into pieces.

“I dont have a cat,'' was his only response, tone daring Childe to pursue further. To give him a reason to start throwing the glass in his face instead.

And Childe was an idiot when it came to challenging someone.

“No cat?” The rest of the drink in the taller harbinger’s glass was gone when he threw his head back. “Hmmm, I cant think of what else could’ve had you so enraptured in returning home then~!”

Scaramouche didnt respond, uneven bangs shadowing the bags under his eyes. “Stronger,” he said instead, elbow on the counter and hand outstretched for something. When there was no movement from the man managing the wine, the harbinger looked up. “I need something stronger to drink,” he repeated, voice seething.

“Of c-course!”

The glass was nestled in Scaramouche’s palm in no time, fingers curling around the circular form to down it in seconds. The drink merely slid down his throat in one movement, alcohol burning his senses. It didn’t matter, he was numbed by the growing rage inside of him.

Finally, he turned to the ginger haired boy, eyes hazily dancing along the counter till it reached his fingertips. Up his hand and along his arm, till Scaramouche was staring right into Childe’s eyes. “They escaped,” he admitted softly. “But it’s alright, because I sent something that’ll bring them back.”

Childe paused, raising his drink up away from his lips to pose a question. Hesitation danced along his features before he brought the glass back, he’d rather not provoke the shorter male any further. Wasn’t like he could interfere anyway.

____________________

“That… that…”

It was preposterous, having returned to that same spot for a day or two and heading back to the hometown you’d once lived in. The one Scaramouche had lived in. There shouldn’t have been an issue, you were solely gathering supplies for the sake of it, ambition driving you to travel far far away.

Out of Inazuma.

It was your new beginning, convincing yourself that you didn't need a vision. Finding some sort of purpose before Scaramouche shattered the vision and your life along with it. You’d seen how people had reacted when it had been ingrained in the statue, neutralized and broken. They lost hope, purpose and aspirations for anything new.

It’s not like the Raiden Shogun took my vision.

But you’d taken that fact for granted, expecting some sort of new start without Scaramouche. A victory, getting away from him just for a split second and getting out of Inazuma altogether, you’d never see him again.

Until you got his message.

“How the hell…” You crushed the note until it was just crumbled paper in your hand, slowly leaning on the stone wall. “Piece of shit… what kind of person even…”

Not only did he manage to find you, but without making his presence known, he’d tugged at your one weakness with an ease that had you down on your knees.

You threw the paper to the ground, deliberate as you stared past the alleyway. Pensive as you considered your options. Damn, what options did you even have? You’d been an idiot to underestimate Scaramouche, he wasn’t a child, you knew that… but archons he seemed like one when he was with you. Shown you a vulnerability he wanted only you to see. But maybe that had been part of his plan all along, until all you believed was his soft demeanor.

He may act like a child, but he’s a harbinger.

You stared down at the crumbled piece of paper in disgust.

Not only that, but he has no regard for human life.

Either way, you’d lived decades more than him. You could face him, you would present yourself to him just as he expected you to. Even when everything in you rejected the idea, sobbed at the thought of returning to that house, those chains. Being locked up and confined only for the purpose of coddling a small boy, a selfish boy, a cruel boy.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

You’d figure out a way, and this time you wouldn’t rule out the option of his death.

———————

Oh darling Y/n, how have you been?

I hope this letter reaches you rather soon, we both have much to discuss, no? About me, about you, and much more. You see, I’ve taken up quite a distaste to your little friends. Stone statues in Inazuma as small as Kitsunes truly hold no purpose, what will they do, come back to life? Haha, I should think not. I’ve already arranged to have them demolished, who knows what kind of material they might possess. Ah, and of course I’d show you the finishing product, unless you’re willing to come and have a chat with me once more? Under the Sakura tree like we used to, you’ve waited years, I believe you can wait for me?

I hope this letter reaches you in best interests. I’m always looking out for you after all.

Sincerely, your Balladeer

——————

It was raining.

Beautiful weather as you lay sitting there, feet crossed and tucked in the same you’d often do. After all, there was no need to fear the vision hunt decree or the Raiden Shogun. Let them come, let them take care of you before Scaramouche did.

You werent cold, not when the cold drops dampened your clothing, slipping down the length of your spine and drenching your face. Despite having lived in a luxury residency for such a long time, this was where you were most comfortable, enduring whatever the weather had for you, taking it with a smile. Because you were waiting…

The Kitsune Saiguu was a distant memory.

You were waiting for Scaramouche, the young boy that often bound into the field in lengthy strides, childlike wonder in his eyes. The one who’d cried when the other kids pushed him away, the one that just wanted to be praised. You’d held him in your arms, and now, even knowing the results, you wouldnt have done differently.

He was just a boy.

Just a boy when he joined the fatui, looking for praise that he was given. He created chaos and bellowed orders with a cruelty that was highly looked upon. Told that he was doing well, so he continued to do so.

He’s just a boy.

You wished you’d held him in your arms, if not only for a tad longer. Shield him away from the wrongness of the world, if only for one last time.

Banishing away your hatred for him was hard.

But you found it under the tree, rain soon dimming down to a clouded cold breeze that swept through the meadow. You’d hated him while stuck in the mansion, but you could now see it from a larger point of view. What he did was wrong of course, but you could remember him so vividly now. His small form giggling, tiny arms around your neck.

“Play with me!”

Was it your fault?

For not holding him tighter? For trying to rectify his bad doings and teach him what was wrong and right? Maybe if your grip was firmer, if you’d spoken to him about the warmth he’d given you that day when playing cards...

“Lazy ass.”

Burying down that pile of worry and insecurities, you took a deep breath in to relax. The edge of your lip perked up, only slightly. “Still terrible with your social skills arent you?”

Slowly securing a dry space under the three with you, Scaramouche sat down. His features were the same ones you’d grown accustomed to at his mansion. Rich clothes, sharp eyes, and the baby face that refused to go away. His movements were soft as he pulled out a deck of cards. The two of you didnt speak as he distributed them between you both. It was tense… no, it felt too much like the warmth form long ago to be tense. You only wished the situation to be different.

“I love you.”

But you could only offer a bitter smile to his words. “I love my vision,” you replied. “I love the Kitsune Saiguu, and I love my friends.”

His touch was gentle when his fingers came to gently cradle your cheek. Holding your face dearly as he peered into your eyes, his were soft. Different from the cruelty he held within, the hatred that burned and destruction that seeked to explode.

You saw a little boy.

Your hand came to press his hand further against your cheek, till you slid his palm to your lips. He appeared so calm when you pressed the first kiss, lips tracing the lines along his palm with all the care in the world.

But you needed to change your view, see him as the man he now was. As the man he had become.

“I love you,” he repeated, and you let go of his hand. It fell limp by his side, cards all but forgotten. There was a much more pressing matter at hand, because you truly needed to see him as he was.

It was necessary if you planned to kill him.

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