#do i have anyone in my life that i hate that much? fuck no!!! is it a good song? yes!!!!!

[unluckilyimnot]

hiîi, can you write bllk chara tera introducing their gf to the press or the press somehow finding you that the players have a gf

idk if this makes sense but pleaseee write it I love your blog sm <3

The press found out about their relationship - Rin, Sae, Kaiser, Isagi, Karasu

m.list | rules

Note : hii ! Thank you sm for your request! I take some times to go through some of my requests before writing with another media I'm really into rn, sorry some will wait a bit mor

Same as the others ! There wasn't anyone mentioned but don't hesitate to ask for your fav if you want ♡

Rin

He's not fan of it

I guess he adapted to it quickly, you being bring on a lot the first few weeks and things like that

But he's so tensed about it you have to calm him down a lot at first

He's upset all the time You have to remind him that's it's not only a bad things

And that people's reactions has been relatively good, that's already a good point

He's more worried about you obviously but in the end you're the one taking care of him

He feels a bit bad but yeah, he appreciates it a lot

Don't expect a lot of changes tho, he doesn't want his love life all over the internet

Sae

He's annoyed when the press found out, to say the least

He wish it could've stay private and doesn't want people to be after you

He hates the fact that he's ask about it now and has to be even more cold in interview than before

He tries to be unbothered but knowing how it changed your life it's impossible

Behind closed door at first he can spend a lot of time with you so make it up

He's famous so I think people tried to know more about you and invade your personal space

I don't think it necessarily goes wrong on social media, it's just trending a lot for a few days

You have to moderate your account a lot cause there's always hater

He still doesn't talk about you bc you asked him to

but he feel less pressure if some pictures of you two end up in the internet

Kaiser

He's ANGRY

Don't get it wrong, he thought about revealing your relationship a few times and you were still talking about it

But this happening without his consent or yours drive him crazy at first

Yet on camera he's cocky about it, telling he doesn't mind and rumbling about how gorgeous you are

He takes the opportunity as it is and posy about you more on his social media, without hiding you so much

He has his lawer ready to anyone spitting shit at you on social media tho

Don't mess with his s/o, he'll take actions

Isagi

He's lost poor guy

If you cry about it he does his absolute best to comfort you before contacting his agent to see what he can do

Honestly He's use to it but if you're not used to the fame, he's careful so your anxiety don't go crazy

He's sad if that change your life a lot but he does his best to not change a thing in your routine

The good point is that, like Kaiser, he can pray a lot more with you than before and he's really happy about it !!

He likes to share with people I think so it open a lot of doors

Karasu

He acts cool in front of the camera but he's annoyed

It was early in your relationship and he's scared it's gonna fucked it up

You have to be the one comforting him

You're not the type to make promises if you're not sure of yourself, but you assure him that the press and people finding out didn't scared you

You'll stay with him as long as possible, you don't see yourself leaving because of this

He's probably needed this more than he would've admit cause after this, being on camera is easier again

He's not upset anymore if they ask about you since you gave him a green light

He feels even lighter than before, in fact

#blue lock x reader #blue lock headcanons #blue lock fluff #blue lock hc #bllk x reader #bllk headcanons #bllk hcs #bllk fluff #rin x reader #rin itoshi x reader #rin itoshi #rin imagines #sae x reader #sae headcanons #sae hc #sae itoshi x reader #sae itoshi #sae imagines #kaiser x reader #kaiser michael #kaiser hcs #kaiser fluff #isagi x reader #isagi fluff #isagi headcanons #isagi yoichi x reader #isagi yoichi #karasu tabito x reader #karasu x reader #karasu headcanons

[theshinazugawaslut]

Which girl is suitable for Sanemi, in your opinion? And what kind of character or goals in life?

a/n: my genuine apologies for not being able to finish this sooner!

disclaimer: I will be mentioning things that Sanemi wouldn't be looking for in a partner but this is not to be taken personally.

To start off, I interpret Sanemi as a family-oriented man who would not be interesting in things like partying or hooking-up; he'd date to marry, and would only have sex if he loved you very dearly and trusted you with his life. I say this because Sanemi is a man who isolates himself from everyone he loves but also has a deep respect for women, he wouldn't wish to be like his father (and even without the idea of his abusive father, Sanemi would disagree with ideas like being a fuckboy or making bad decisions). This is not to hate on anyone who does do these sort of things, this is just how I imagine Sanemi to be and what makes most sense regarding his character.

I'm going to split this into little mini-sections with little examples and explanations as well: What Sanemi wouldn't like and what Sanemi would like.

What Sanemi Would Like/Need:

Someone of unshakeable character and a strong moral compass; meaning that the person should be resilient and strong-minded, not easily swayed by others.

Someone family-oriented; this would be incredibly important to Sanemi. He is someone who places great importance on his own mother and siblings hence he'd wish for someone who holds the same importance on their own family as well. This would also play into the fact that Sanemi would want children, so he'd unconsciously want someone who is good with kids and would also want children.

Someone humble, down-to-earth, and simple. Spoiled brats and stuck-up people would make Sanemi strangle someone.

Someone kind-hearted and patient; the most ideal sort of kindness would be someone who is Tanjiro-level. Someone who could calm him down, help him rationalise himself, or help him figure out his emotions during tough times. He'd like someone who is selfless and tender.

Emotionally intelligent. He'd unconsciously need this in a partner due to the fact he is usually unable to express and verbalise his feels so having someone understand him would mean the whole world to him.

Due to his pessimistic nature/thoughts, he'd need someone who can see good in people/things. He's not looking for an overly optimistic, happy person who believes all is good in the world but instead he's looking for someone who can separate right from wrong, acknowledge the darkness of the world and still choose to make and see the best.

Goals-wise — someone ambitious or determined. He doesn't care if your goal is to crochet the world's best handbag or have three kids or open a florist shop, as long as you love it! Someone who rambles a lot would be endearing to him since he likes to just listen.

Feminine. By this, I don't mean someone who looks feminine but someone who acts feminine, someone overall gentle and nurturing, someone he could trust to slice his heart open gently and kiss him so fucking sweet after.

What Sanemi Wouldn't Like/Want:

Somebody who is too social. This isn't to say he wants you cooped up inside the house all the time with no one around you but Sanemi wouldn't be very big on placing a lot of emphasis on friends; he'd rather you and him hang out together all the time so if you dislike clinginess in the sense he will go with you to the gym, shops, salon, your family, then you and Sanemi are definitely not made for each other. So if you're someone who constantly wants to have friends over and go out with friends, he'd most likely find himself bored and slightly irritated even if he won't say anything. He doesn't understand why some people care about their friends so much; if you were hanging out with siblings or parents, he's totally up for it, but he's more iffy about friends. To add to this, Sanemi would really appreciate someone who gets along with family and he'll definitely get along for yours.

People who go partying/clubbing. Sanemi would dislike this because he thinks there are much better ways to spend his time and he overall dislikes the idea of drinking. He probably thinks bars and clubs are immature and a waste of time. He thinks if you can't have fun sober, then you're no fun at all. Overall, he doesn't like the things associated with partying/clubbing culture, and he feels like it's not an overall good place to be. He won't judge people who do it but he definitely wouldn't like it in his own partner.

Hook-up/one-night-stands; Sanemi would never partake in this sort of culture in the first place and I don't think he'd ever go with someone who does. He has different values and beliefs that don't really align with that sort of culture, so I think it'd be very unlike he date/marry someone who partook in it. This isn't for people to get offended but he'd rather someone chaste like himself.

Someone who is always angry. I see this trope in fanfictions a lot but I don't think Sanemi would pair very well with someone who is snappish/brutish like him; he doesn't want you to be a whimpering, pathetic mess, but I don't think he's ever going to fall for someone like himself, he prefers serenity in his partners.

Argumentative. You'll both just end up heartbroken and in a very badly chaotic relationship. It would never work out.

If you don't want kids. He wants kids, he loves them and really wants his own, and you'd probably find a problem later in your life with him if you really don't want kids. He'd never force you or try to push it on to you but he'd feel really sad on the inside.

#sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi x reader #kny #sanemi x you #esha answers your questions #husband sanemi #sanemi headcanons #anime and manga #kny sanemi #sanemi

[its-mekjt]

Favourite parts of 3×95 (potential spoilers below the break)

PART ONE

▪︎ ashley's photo of sam

▪︎ chepeku ad. could have made me think it's a perfume ad.

▪︎ ESSEK THELYSS

▪︎ they got tusk love oh my days

▪︎ WOO HOO SHOPPING EPISODE

▪︎ oh my god, having parts of fcg/things that remind them of fcg in their outfits. i'm on my floor.

▪︎ lesbians with the matching corsets. it's a canon event i fear

▪︎ i just know that armoury went out for drinks that night

▪︎ the pumats + their existential crisis

▪︎ "HIGHWAY ROBBERY" (honestly surprised they didn't try to steal it)

▪︎ sugar daddy dorian storm (and Laura's face as he hands over 2,500 gold. I can just imagine imogen going 'mhm. that's gay'.)

▪︎ do the pumat's have a soul?

▪︎ "do you want- eh we're the same."

▪︎ chetney pock o'pea. maths wizz. high school maths teachers across the world are terrified of you.

PART TWO

▪︎ essek constantly misses leg day

▪︎ 28 persuasion to make essek join their sleepover

▪︎ DORIAN WANTS TO SEE THE SHOW SO HE WILL SEE THE SHOW

▪︎ matt's description of the show. i love it.

▪︎ laudna i love you, please come to the theatre with me and tell people to, respectfully, stfu with me

▪︎ ESSEK QUOTING CADUCEUS: it's not pain that makes people. It's love (crying)

▪︎ LAUDNA QUOTING FCG: it's good to make every day a smiley day (on my bedroom floor sobbing and throwing up)

▪︎ orym keeps looking to the right. (WHO'S ON THE RIGHT. SOMEBODY PLEASE REMIND ME I DON'T REMEMBER. LIAM O'BRIEN STOP MAKING ME SCREAM INTO MY PILLOW)

▪︎ YEAH, THIEVING IS THEIR LOVE LANGUAGE (why did i think ashton was gonna go for that fucking huge sword earring from the beginning of the campaign)

▪︎ "chetney's sitting in the front row, legs out, slumping in the chair, baguette in one hand, a bottle of wine in the other. fucking riveted." (that's an insight into my daily life)

▪︎ chetney and dorian are my two personalities while i'm zoned out

▪︎ love how they all thought it was kiri (i did too)

▪︎ chetney and his delusions + cloaca

▪︎ why did i think orym was going to get in the bag of holding

▪︎ i fucking love dorian storm. you don't know how much i love him.

▪︎ "i saw my mom mess with time." essek's internal monologue must have gone insane.

▪︎ marisha and robbie casually rping arts and crafts

▪︎ "you're kind of like his dad." "do not put that on me, please."

▪︎ ashley johnson doing the lords work. thank you. (essek thelyss you simp)

▪︎ wildMOTHER

▪︎ I KNEW THIS REMINDED ME OF SOMETHING. GETTING READY FOR A CON.

▪︎ YES ANIMATE OBJECT

▪︎ dorian's face when he's introduced to patê is giving: i have never wanted to be cyrus more in my life right now.

▪︎ emotional support faun and her damaged little halfling

▪︎ 17 strength let's go (beefy boy)

▪︎ laura bailey i am making the same face as you.

▪︎ WHO WAS MAKING IT RAIN. WHO.

▪︎ OH THIS BITCH. I HATE HER (delilah briarwood)

▪︎ nervously giggling

▪︎ travis willingham is a lover and instigator of chaos.

▪︎ liam o'brien giving advice. he loves this.

▪︎ i love this. orym, if anyone comes for you, get behind me. (he doesn't know this is laudna. he thinks he's getting fucked with in the middle of the night. HE CANNOT SEE FUCKING ANYTHING).

▪︎ YEE HAW INNER PARTY CONFLICT

that's all folks.

#critical role #dnd #matt mercer #travis willingham #marisha ray #sam riegel #robbie daymond #ashley johnson #laura bailey #liam o'brien #taliesin jaffe #essek thelyss #pumat sol #orym of the air ashari #ashton greymoore #chetney pock o'pea #laudna #fcg #dorian storm #fearne calloway #imogen temult #dungeons and dragons #bells hells #cr 3

[portagas-chan]

Platonic Yandere Doflamingo and teen daughter reader

Overprotective Dad

Platonic Yandere Doflamingo x Daughter Reader

I tried my best. I hope you like it!

Doflamingo adored you and spoiled you rotten because you were his only child. His only daughter. To him, you were the most important person in his life and no one could prove him wrong. He will kill anyone who hurt you physically and mentally.

There was a time when you were a child and a maid accidentally spilled hot tea on you. You cried because the tea felt so hot on your skin and he quickly called a doctor and soothe you. After that incident, you noticed one thing. You never saw that maid again.

You were too young to understand back then but now you do. You turned 18 a few months ago. You were happy because you thought Doflamingo would finally let you leave the castle and explore the outside world. You thought you could finally travel the seas. That was your dream.

However, during your 18th birthday, you asked him if you could become a pirate like him and travel the seas but before you could even finish your sentence, he cut you off.

"No," just that simple one word was able to crush your dreams in an instant.

"Why?" You argued.

"The outside world is very dangerous, [Y/n]. How many times do I have to tell you that? There is no way you can become a pirate. This castle is the only safe place for you."

You furrowed your eyebrows, "But dad, I wanted to become a pirate like you. I just-"

He raised his voice, "[Y/n]! I don't want you to become a pirate like me. You know, I hate repeating myself. I don't want to hear about this topic again! Do you understand me?"

"Yes," You muttered.

"Now go to your room!"

That was the first time your dad had ever raised his voice at you. You left crying and feeling dejected.

But you were determined to leave. You loved your dad but sometimes he is just too much. You heard that he had to attend the Warlord meeting and will be back in a few days. You took this opportuinity to sneak out and it seems like luck was on your side because it was successful.

"Where is [Y/n]? Where did she go?!" Diamante panicked.

"I think she left. I checked every room in this castle and she is nowhere to be found," Baby 5 sighed.

"Fuck!" Diamante cursed.

"Doffy is going to be so mad," Trebol said.

"We have to tell him."

And they did. They told him about the terrible news through the den den mushi. He was flying in the sky heading towards Marineford but the news made him paused and he was thankful that he was still near dressrosa.

Doflamingo did not take it well. His frown deepened, his veins popped out on his forehead and he looked like he will kill anyone who gets in his way. Abandoning his meeting, he wasted no time and flew at the fastest speed back to Dressrosa.

An hour later, he arrived at his castle to see you tied up in your room. He glanced at Diamante, "Where did you find her?"

"Green bit. Thank god she didn't go too far. If we were a little late, she would have been gone for good."

He narrowed his eyes at Diamante's words, "Untie her."

Diamante nodded, obeying his orders.

"Fufufu~ You are very persistent, my daughter," He walked towards you with a grin. You could tell that even though he was grinning, he was very angry inside.

You were scared of what was going to happen next. You were born isolated from the world and now you sneaked out but got caught. There was no way he was going to continue let you live like you used to.

"I'm sorry, dad but I won't do it again! I promise!" You apologized hoping he would let it slide this time.

"Sure but can I trust you? I don't think I can. Last time, you asked me about this and I told you to never bring it up again. You said you won't but now look at what you did. You crossed the line, [Y/n]," He was no longer smiling. He looked upset, mad and most of all, disappointed in you.

You stayed silent because he was right. You lied to him but how could you not? You were getting tired of being restricted from leaving the castle.

When he saw that you have given up on going against him, his signature grin returned to his face.

"Starting from now on, you will be locked up in your room. And for extra precautions, I will have to put these bracelets on you" He took them out of his pocket.

"What?" You were confused. Bracelets for extra precautions?

Doflamingo took your hand and put on the bracelets on both of your wrists, "They will explode if you leave this castle."

You froze in place. Your eyes widened as you looked at your dad in fear and despair.

Doflamingo grinned and hugged you.

"Don't worry, [Y/n]. In this world, I will be the only one who loves you and care for you. I am the only one that will always be by your side. And that is why you can never leave your dad. Fufufu~"

#one piece x reader #one piece x y/n #one piece #doflamingo x reader #donquixote doflamingo #doflamingo one piece #op doflamingo #yandere doflamingo #doffy #doffy one piece #yandere one piece

[jadepearl]

I cannot bring myself to like (show) Rhaenys. Here are the reasons:

1. She, much like Alicent, seems to take all the negative emotions she feels towards Viserys and directs them towards Rhaenyra- there were better ways to tell Rhaenyra that her claim would be contested (in fact, im of the opinion that show! Rhaenys started disliking Nyra a little more after Viserys refused to disinherit her after after having his precious [sarcasm] son.) I’ve got more thoughts on this but that’s for later.

2. Her (lovely, but extremely pathetic) gay son. The GAY son that she knew was gay. The GAY son that she suspected would not be able to fuck/ impregnate a woman. The GAY son she knew would ABSOLUTELY be destroyed by the game. THE GAY SON THAT SHE WED TO THE WOMAN SHE KNEW WOULD NEED CHILDREN!!!! The entire situation with the (alleged/rumored) bastards of Nyra is a situation that Rhaenys and Coryls themselves had a hand in- they knowingly married their very gay son to Nyra knowing that she would need heirs and that it was entirely (re:extremely) possible that Laenor would not be able to bed/fuck her. Like how is she going to wake up and be like “oh my hod, my son was cuckolded” as if her son also hadn’t been cuckolding Nyra??? Like if she was going to turn a blind to Laenor sleeping w/ Qarl she could’ve afforded Nyra that same willful ignorance. Instead she chose to be mad at Nyra for making the best out of situation that Rhaenys and Corlys and her father, and even fucking Laenor put her in!!!!

3. Her attitude w/ the Velaryon Boys( see point above) those boys exist because her son could not do his duty !!! It is not a Nyra problem- it is not as simple as Nyra deciding to cuckold her husband. Nyra needed children- she TRIED with Laenor, both of them were extremely uncomfortable and it didn’t work- and Laenor apologized for being unable to his duty and instead it was decided upon that they ( the boys) would be granted the Velaryon name upon birth. He did not sire those boys (allegedly) but he did love them!!! This is the crux of my issue w/ Rhaenys- if Laenor hated those boys, I could justify her anger, excuse it maybe- but he didn’t. He didn’t hate them, didn’t cure their existence (was he a good father? No. Absolutely not. Very absent at best. But he loved them, and he cared for Nyra and so he took them as his own and gave them his family name) Rhaenys being angry/upset/etc over the outcome of a situation that she/corlys/Viserys all pushed those two into is fucking annoying and really- pardon my speak- grinds my fucking gears. You don’t get to force your gay son and your little cousin into a marriage and get shocked when your GAY son can’t fuck a woman. Especially not when you suspected that your GAY SON WOULDNT BE ABLE TO FUCK A WOMAN??? because those are the vibes show! Rhaenys gives off (yes my son is gay, no I don’t think he’ll ever be able to fuck a woman, but how dare his wife not simply live a childless life- who cares if she needed children, doesn’t she know how those looks?) why did Rhaenys not think about how it would look before marrying them?? Did she really expect the HEIR TO THE IRON THRONE TO LIVE A CHILDLESS LIFE ALL BECAUSE HER (again lovely, but rather pathetic) GAY SON COULD NOT FUCK ANYONE NOT IN POSSESION OF A COCK??!!!

What angers me the most is that, even after that conversation where she told Nyra how unstable her position was, and how she’d eventually be supplanted in favor of a male heir- this bitch, along w/ her husband put Nyra in a situation where she’d have to make a difficult choice. Live the rest of her life being called barren, cursed, all the things that they all called her late mother- all things that would endanger both her, her title as heir, and probs even Laenor too, or seek someone else to sire children? They put her in that situation and the got pissed when she didn’t choose the route of eternal suffering- they put her in that situation and got pissed that she didn’t simply accept it??? Show!Rhaenys, Viserys, Corlys, Daemon, fucking Alicent- if you have no enemies I am dead.

Anyway! These are all MY opinions, you are welcome to have your own but yours will not make me change mine. Have a good day!!

#house of the dragon #pro rhaenyra targaryen #rhaenys targaryen #corlys velaryon #Rhaenyra was done wrong by everyone #and yes she made mistakes #but every mistake made was made because her so called family kept putting her in bad situations #daemon and his brothel idea #Viserys marrying again after naming a woman heir #sick fuck #anyway I hate everyone but the Vel boys #their daddies #yes even the lovely pathetic one #and their mommy #who deserves the world #queen rhaenyra #Rhaenyra Targaryen deserves better #and i will die on this hill #viserys targaryen #daemon targaryen

[lloydfrontera]

if i think too long about the ending making lloyd leave the home he worked so hard to save behind along with the new found family he sacrificed his life for so he can move to a place he has no emotional connection to where he only knows two people (one of which is actually following him from the aforementioned home) in order to make him get a standard "have a wife and children" 'happy' ending i start wanting to bite people not gonna lie

#i talk a lot <3 #the greatest estate developer #lloyd frontera #it is. such a sucky ending i hate it i'm sorry i cannot stand it #i love charlotte with all my heart and i truly do like alicia #but jesus fuck that ending #the one thing lloyd wants is to have an easy relaxed life surrounded by the people he loves #and then the ending has him become the royal consort to someone we know likes to use people to their best potential #and living permanently away from his parents and all the people he came to care about #except for javier and alicia. and javier is only there because of lloyd anyway. #i just. i hate heteronormative endings so much man. #he didn't need to marry! he could've found his happy ending without having to be romantically involved with anyone!! #there's this whole thing about lloyd thinking to himself that his happy ending will be settling down with a wife and have kids #and then there is this one moment. where he talks about what he really wants. his one true wish. #and he talks about how he just wants a family. a normal family. a family that welcomes him after a day's work. a family that lives a normal #life without worrying about nothing much. he doesn't want big territories or power or an army. he just wants to have a family that loves hi #and enough to keep them safe. #AND FUCKING GUESS WHAT HE GAINS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE NOVEL #GUESS WHAT THE EMOTIONAL CORE OF THE ENTIRE THING WAS #A FAMILY. PARENTS AND A BROTHER AND A BEST FRIEND THAT CARE FOR HIM AND WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AND HIM DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO KEEP #THEM SAFE. AND HE DOES. EVERYTHING HE DOES WAS TOO KEEP THEM SAFE AND SOUND AND HE GETS HIS WISH. #DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!! #HE DIDN'T NEED TO MARRY BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAD HIS WISH. HE ALREADY HAD HIS HAPPY ENDING. I'M SO MAD KASHDKA #tged

[drewsaturday]

it is always kind of funny, albeit frustrating, to spend years of my life rotating particular characters and ships in my head and still worry that i'm exploring them in ooc ways. lol.

#txt #part of it is reasonable because i do worry projection gets in the way (while at the same time it can also add dimension) #and so i feel like... other people just Get those characters/ships better bc they can look at it more clearly #i also just generally don't know how people work on account of barely interacting with anyone irl and being so inexperienced at life #the other part is just... that it is such a fucking crime to write ooc these days that it's really annoying to have to worry about #obviously i want my faves to feel in-character i want my creations to be enjoyable but also... i don't think it should matter #as much as people make it matter sometimes #and so then all of the above all wrapped together then creates another issue of: people know me as a person who is #obsessed with this character/ship #how embarrassing is it to be known as that person but still write them that badly jl;sldjfklskd #AGAIN IT SHOULDN'T MATTER I SHOULD BE ABLE TO JUST HAVE FUN WITH IT but ough i really... #hate that piece regarding writing #with drawing i can visibly see when a character doesn't look like themselves #but with writing it's so mental and hard to put myself outside of i feel like i'm just reaching around in the dark at all times #and i kinda hate that :| #if it is that much of an issue for me i should rly open myself up to concrit and so forth but y'know #two wolves inside you: wanting to be good at this thing i do for fun vs. also... doing it for fun.... #i guess fandom being so social is what underlines it all as so dire for me #maybe if it were just a piece of writing i flung out into the void rather than attaching it to myself and my personality and fandom presence #it wouldn't feel so life or death lol #oh to be the kind of person that is never active bc they put all their time into creating #they drop one creation a month and say nothing until they drop the next one

[unfunnyaceartist]

Vent post ahead that may change your view on me and that may sound dramatic (NOT DIRECTED AT ANYONE, THIS IS JUST IN GENERAL) Mostly just to get out my feelings. I only ask that if you look, to be kind and understanding and patient. Also the tags are silly and id appreciate if you read em. id appreciate if you didnt ask me anything on it

I feel toxic sometimes because i can get so jealous i borderline gatekeep things and I always feel so bad because its never intentional but then I end up hating myself because I know its unhealthy and irrational but I cant help it, and I know im so lucky and have a lot in many senses of the word, but at times it feels like they can be taking everything, because when I like someone or something, they tend to matter a fuck-ton to me. Im sorry to anyone ive lashed out at a bit for them wanting what I have, I really am. Its not coming from a place of hostility, rather a place of trauma responses and hyperfixation that stem from my adhd and autism but like when I try something and it goes great, and then someone else is like "OOH thats awesome I wanna do that too" It feels almost like when Im finally happy or excited or proud to have something, someone comes and takes it. Usually Ill play it off as a joke, but in reality, its complete honesty that im trying to soften so I dont upset anyone, especially when its over fiction or a person, because I do NOT own them and I know that, but it bothers me when someone swoops in to do the exact same things or even one-up especially when its really soon after me, and since my self worth is already abysmal, it just makes me feel worse, like I should be lucky to have what I do to begin with, but I feel the need to hold it close to me and protect it so I dont lose things that make me really happy.

Recently Ive even started reverse gatekeeping in response to others, where ill just tell myself I cant or dont deserve to have anything special because I'm not, and only others can enjoy this. But thats why people making me ship content makes me so happy. Its dumb to get jealous over others selfshipping with a character I like. Its dumb to get upset over someone I know copying or taking heavy inspiration from one of my ideas. Its dumb to get possessive over someone else trying to befriend my new awesome friends or wife/wives. I rarely selfship anymore due to my reverse gatekeeping and instead serve the others who simp or enjoy content. I provide since I feel I cant take. It makes me happy and distracts me. But the moment someone else does something similar to what is my toxic coping mechanism for my toxic coping mechanism, it only hurts worse. Thats why sometimes, for example, I get a bit snappy when someone else provides gummybunny (that and also shipping jealousy sometimes). Thats why I get snappy when I make a friend someone else super cool and then another person comes in and wants to befriend them (No darken, this wasnt directed at you, its happened more than once with more than one person but I know how you tend to assume). I LOVE giving but I hate sharing, because all my life whenever I shared, I lost something.

Introduce a friend to a friend? They leave me behind for eachother. Let someone wear my fitbit because they wanted to feel "rich"? It got stolen. Give money to someone in a "rough spot" who promised to repay me somehow? Never saw them again. I was always so trusting and understanding, and I always made excuses for others. Always so naive and gullible. So much so, in fact, that in elementary I kept letting my bullies pretend to be my friends when they claimed they changed, and let them destroy any ounce of worth I had whatsoever. Things that make me happy I CHERISH because of all the things ive lost and all my experiences. Ive never been hit, not once, but the abuse all my life came emotionally and mentally, and I only recently realized through therapy. Now its hard to trust people in certain situations. Sorry for my probably hard to follow and melodramatic rant.

sorry im dumb haha

#tw vent #By the time I finished writing the post I was no longer a mess about it but im still gonna post it #I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF I SEE ANYONE APOLOGIZING FOR MY OWN ISSUES IM GONNA BE PISSED #yall read all the tags its beneficial lol #Ngl SOME of this jealousy hits hardest with Gummy #because Ill FINALLY get fed some simp food for myself #and then yk #theyll kinda show up and ask to receive the same stuff #or act jealous #gummy #babe I love you #BUT DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE YOU HAVE FEEDING YOU GUMMYBUNNY CONSTANTLY???? #Like mine is rare and far between #and I dont draw much selfship unlike you #LET ME HAVE SOME THINGS DAMMIT #And then Darken over here when I get a cool new friend just like: #... is for me? 🥺👉👈 #/nm for both things #im the embodiment of envy and greed arent I... #I hate upsetting people #I just keep it to myself and internalize my emotions mostly #haha now you guys know how possessive and jealous I am #its giving yandere 🥰💅✨🗣💃🕺😍😘😼🤠🤭😇🙄🤩😜😝🤑🧐😈 #i regret my life choices right about now

[thelastspeecher]

apparently one of my cousins was just accepted into a master's writing program at an Ivy League school

and that's why I almost never go on Facebook 🙃

#look. do I even think I could handle a master's in writing at an Ivy League? #.....I mean. I think so. I managed a master's in geoscience at one of the top geology schools in the nation. #(....''managed'' is doing some VERY heavy lifting there lnjasdknf) #but do I want to do that? no. #do I still feel weird and like I'm wasting my life and everyone else is more accomplished than me? yes. #it does help a bit that the cousin in question has outright told me her success is in large part from her father pushing her v hard #(he did the same thing to her siblings) #and that she kinda fucking hates how she was pushed to succeed so much #like I don't wish that on anyone but it does help me to put into context her success. it comes at a cost. like everything else. #and to be frank it's not a cost I'm willing to pay at this point in my life. #I still feel weird and uhhhhh incompetent I guess would be the best word tho #also like I'm wondering why she's going to an Ivy League when she's already at one of the top writing schools #maybe distance from her family....in which case. godspeed cuz. #ANYWAYS I have a v accomplished family that I at times feel inferior to despite my own accomplishments #and no that has no influence on my OC Angie's own similar feelings why would you think that #(my family would be upset if they knew I felt inferior btw no one makes me feel bad other than my own brain) #(I have a v loving and supportive family and am v blessed to have them~) #whine whine whine

[berryblu-soda]

local silly goofer was seething with rage and dumped it all in the tags, read at your own risk :3 <- personal stuff, wrote this after the tags, pretty okay now, just got it out of my system, love yall <3<3<3

#BITE BITE BITE RAGE RAGE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #<- same old same old ITS BEEN A FREAKING WHILE #my dad is so infuriating yall :D #i dont have it in me to hate him but boi? HES TRYING!!!!! #like; do you HEAR YOURSELF??? IS A SINGLE WORD THATS COMING FROM YOUR MOUTH BEING PROCESSED BY YOUR BRAIN???? #YOU PRIDE YOURSELF IN ALWAYS BEING THE SMARTEST ONE IN THE ROOM #sure; intelligence wise; probably; but emotionally? a speck of dust outnumbers you- #WINNING AN ARGUMENT FOR THE SAKE OF BEING RIGHT WITHOUT REGARD FOR ANYONE ELSE- #THINKING EVERYONE SHOULD BE AS COLD AS YOU; AND IF THEYRE NOT; IF GOD FORBID THEY SHOW TOO MUCH EMOTION #THEN PHYSICAL ABUSE IS JUSTIFIED?? #THAT´S NOT A GOOD FUCKING ARGUMENT!!!! #NOT EVERY ARGUMENT HAS TO BE WON; YOU DONT ALWAYS NEED THE UPPER HAND!!!! #the shitty way you were treated and raised should not be my fucking problem and i hope you get therapy about it #and then i´ll regret not being closer to him whenever he dies; but hes making it unmeasurably hard to consider being vulnerable #AGHHH- #this man has never apologized for a single thing is his damn life btw :3! #vent #*inhale* #sorry yall i´m good; just full of rage rn :D! #i spilled a cup of juice at church today and things got waay out of hand lmaoo

[vulpinesaint]

mkay not to be like. a little insane or anything. but god i've been going crazy over religion (catholicism) and blood lately. did anyone else drink blood as worship every week since they were seven. was anyone else inundated with images of open wounds as holy. is anyone else consumed by the thought of holding onto a crucifix tightly enough for the edges of it to draw blood. i turned in a poem about drowning in communion wine in an empty church while bleeding from crucifix-inflicted hand wounds and trying to talk to god and my creative writing professor gave me extremely normal critiques i feel like i'm losing my mind

#is ANYONE ELSE here. #also i made my poetry insta and i was gonna backpost but i think i might just sit and stare at it until april sfkghsd #it's me and my few hundred tumblr followers on my poetry acc. and the five thousand pornbots on this one ig #life is so. like. #i CONSTANTLY think that being raised catholic didn't do that much to me but obviously it did SOMETHING #you know what. yeah. cause i didn't end up with guilt over being queer but i did end up having my whole world view torn away from me #cause when god is the fundamental building block to everything... #my parents were extremely reasonable about things all things considered #but losing trust and faith in god is like having the bottom block pulled out of your little tower #and since i was fifteen i feel like i've been trying to either get it out fully without letting it all crumble #or trying to push it back without causing more damage #and the tower's never gonna be the same no matter what. you know. #i suck at self reflection so i never actually think about this stuff but dear god does it consume me #like no i did not end up with catholic guilt really. however being asked to examine yourself as a sinner at 7 will do things to you #HATE myself why am i still awake. so fucking upset i need to be up so early tomorrow skdjfgh #screaming and crying. anyway anyone else up thinking about catholicism and blood??? #valentine notes #catholic tag

[babyfairy]

i need more friends

#i hate being alone with my thoughts. i am so sick of it #i feel like i’ll go fucking insane if i have to continue on like this #i don’t even want to invite anyone new into my life because i am so terrified of loss but feeling this isolated and alone is #going to be the end of me if it goes unaddressed #like it can’t continue. waking up every single day feels like a punishment #and life around me just continues like normal. like nothing is wrong #i want to die and i still have to work. my family is destroyed but people are around me laughing and joking #how do i stop being consumed by this misery i don’t understand it. and i don’t want to guilt anyone into checking on me or feeling bad for #me. i just want to stop being in so much pain all the time every single day #there is no relief literally ever. it just continues to progress and get worse #literally i look up ways to *** every single day dude and i just have to like. live that way #feels like a cruel joke to me idk. laugh out loud #anyway if you read all this thanks for caring

[armoralor]

my favourite irony of the current shipping discussion is the folks who allege WolfWren enjoyers sent “threats” to people who enjoy cishet ships (I have asked for ANY examples or usernames of anyone doing this multiple times), have also been calling for Filoni to suffer & die if he doesn’t make their ship canon. but don’t forget, it’s definitely the sapphics and queers who like WolfWren that are the problem

#queer nbs & women get harassed for MONTHS by sabezra stans: [complete silence & all the major sabezra blogs still interact with those folks] #wolfwren gets a little love from the cast: “UMMM ACTUALLY THIS SHIP WAR IS SO TOXIC NOW AND THE WOLFWRENS ARE THE PEOPLE THREATENING OTHERS #are there wolfwren fans that suck? probably. & if you would like us to do something about it please give us examples and show us who #so we can make sure we aren’t supporting ANYONE sending threats and hate. #I’ve even seen wolfwren shippers giving sabezra shippers advice on blocking IPs + turning on stronger privacy settings #but where the fuck were Sabezra shippers when other Sabezra stans were talking about rape + murder + abuse in queer peoples posts? #I have about more than 20 examples of disgusting vile HATE (actual hate & not “haha RIP this ship) that I’ve been directly sent #multiple wolfwren fic writers have had to turn off their comments on fics because of homophobic hate #artists have been getting dumb shitty homophobic comments on their wolfwren art with “gay garbage!!! Sabezra of life!!!” #and I’m not seeing anyone calling out sabezras as a whole for being bad toxic people (which no one should because they aren’t) #do you understand & feel the hypocrisy now? #I have no doubt there are “mean” WolfWren fans that are saying silly shit like “hahah we won” and “our ship is better” #and yeah! That’s mean. HOWEVER it is not fucking harassment or the same as “fuck this LGBT shit” #and it’s wrong that queer sabezra stans are being harassed too- there is way too much biphobia & homophobia in this whole fucking fandom #but let’s not act like being called homophobic is the same as suffering under homophobia #and let’s not forget that queer people are capable of being homophobic themselves by perpetuating harm #thank you for coming to my TEDtalk #text

[toastsnaffler]

everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too #things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄 #jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that #having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically #and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me #despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence #and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik- #she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh #and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space #and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she- #likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man #i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them #theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road #theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill- #finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me #old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc #anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included- #bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately #also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that #im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it.. #ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too #its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes #regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a #fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling #and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........ #sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!! #.diaries

[dredshirtroberts]

it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such

#if i say it enough i will remember it's true #can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today? #it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm: #so i've got that on in the back of my head #ugh #i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it #and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible #(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times) #i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also... #also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all #they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads #like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation #and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general #like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to #i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either #like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as #an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault #i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone #because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another #i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them #through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction #and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all #so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it #every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too #like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that #and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too #and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part #i grew up in the group project everyone hates #and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me #i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers

[hobisexually]

x

#it’s so fucking weird to know that. #idk. #I just turned 32 and yes! that is still young! #but all my friends my age are somewhere I’m not #and I think. until recently. I was still holding out #hope? maybe? that i would suddenly do a sprint and catch up with them #and be normal #have the life I always thought I would eventually lead #but the older I get and the more friends have babies and buy houses with their partner #I still……. don’t have that deep burning wish? and it scares me so much #but it also scares me to be so behind #and I always take soooooooo long with everything #even when I was 19 I behaved more like a 14 year old at times #and I’ve HAD this conversation with my mum I know it’s the ~trauma and a result of the emotional abuse #but I still hate it and it makes me feel so small #and when someone you’ve been in love with for longer than you care to admit #suddenly jokingly asks you what the status is re: wanting children #and you’re afraid to answer honestly because 1) the only future you’ve ever seen with anyone was with them everyone else scared you #(even though they also scare you. but differently) #and 2) what if it doesn’t align with the way they envision their life #what if that’s the final straw for them to be like . it’s not gonna be you . #because if I’m really honest a part of me still thinks we’re going to happen one day and I need to get OVER that but . yk? #like just last week I had a dream I was pregnant and I woke up genuinely terrified because I just don’t WANT it #it felt final? for the first time? I always had my options open and I love kids but I just. think I have decided I don’t want to birth any #and that is also terrifying. #idk I’m grieving being normal #and normal is relative #and 32 is young yes anything could happen #but holy fuck do I hate it #and I hate that my options are closing in on me and I hate the clock always ticking in the back of my mind but being unable to keep up