#like no i did not end up with catholic guilt really. however being asked to examine yourself as a sinner at 7 will do things to you | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fromxxthexxashes · 17 days

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Okay, this is kind of long, but just hear me out:

I keep seeing people say Eddie saying he ‘moves too fast’ seems out of character, but I don’t think I agree.

For one, he proposed to Shanon after she got pregnant, and when she came back in his life he immediately started sleeping with her and immediately moved to re-propose when he thought she was pregnant again.

With Ana, he did take things slower at first, but he did introduce her to Chris pretty quickly (at least I think so). Though, I will admit he didn’t introduce her without thinking about it because he did go to Bobby and Athena for advice. However, after he introduced Ana to Chris, they seemed to get a lot more serious fairly quickly. They hadn’t even said ‘I love you’ before Ana was stepping into this sort of ‘motherly’ role. After all, she was over at Eddie’s house cooking meals (ex: the dinner with/ Carla) and she looked after Chris for days during the blackout, when Abuela or Pepa could have helped out. Eddie described it as a “ready-made family”, which for me translates to ‘things went too fast and got way too serious before I knew it’. When he realized just how serious things were getting, he started panicking. She was enveloped enough in their life that Chris thought they would get married someday. And when the reality caught up to him that he was building this family unit with a woman he didn’t love, couldn’t love, it scared him and he broke it off.

Then he rushed things with M*risol and he freaked out again. The whole (admittedly stupid) nun storyline was there to show us that Eddie didn’t know anything about this woman (and that he has catholic guilt), yet he asked her to move in before he even said I love you. Why? Well, it goes back to Eddie’s age-old enemy: obligation.

For one, he feels obligated to have this permanent mother figure in Christopher’s life (and someone on here made a great post about how Eddie’s decision to ask M*risol to move in tied back to Chris’s storyline in 7x01 which I agree with with 100%). I also know that Eddie has never had a healthy romantic relationship in his life. He has never gotten with a woman without something pushing him to do it. With Shannon, it was a teen pregnancy and the church. With Ana, it was his (well-meaning) friends who pushed him to move on from Shannon. With M*risol, it was Pepa (with good intentions) who pushed him to start dating again, otherwise he might end up alone.

Marrying someone is something one does because one loves someone. Eddie proposed because he was afraid of what the church would think. Letting someone step into a mother-like role in a child’s life is something one does when one loves someone. Eddie did it because he was afraid he and Christopher were never going to be able to move on from Shannon. One asks someone to move in because they love them. Eddie did it because he was scared of having someone else walk out of his and Chris’s life.

Eddie has never followed his heart when it comes to his relationships with women. He has never dated someone casually before. He always tries to commit way before his heart is in it. He goes through these really long stints of being single, followed by relationships that do, admittedly, move really fast. He thinks he’s following his gut, but in truth, he’s following his misguided sense of duty.

The only time Eddie has made a serious commitment that wasn’t born out of obligation, was when he wrote Buck into his will. No one told him to do that. He did that because he wanted the best for Chris, sure, but more so because Eddie doesn’t trust anyone as much as he trusts Buck. And he did that knowing that his parents would disapprove. He did it despite his obligations to his blood family. Eddie followed his heart and tied himself and his son to Buck for the rest of their lives. (And notice how Buck has been a borderline co-parent to Chris for years, and that has never freaked Eddie out before)

So, yeah, I think he does move too fast in his relationships with women because he always takes serious steps before he develops serious feelings for these women. And he probably knows, deep down, that he’ll never be able to develop serious, romantic feelings for women. This is why he jumps into the deep end, because if he doesn’t, then he’ll never get there.

He has wants. He’s just not ready to acknowledge them yet. So, for now, he’ll just keep on doing what he feels he’s obligated to do.

#eddie diaz #911 #911 on abc #911 abc #christopher diaz #evan buck buckely #buddie #evan buckley #911 season 7

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destinygoldenstar · 1 year

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Just A Couple Of Fun Headcanons Of TD Characters (Owen)

- Owen’s family (two loving parents, uncle, grandfather, & youngest of three brothers) are huge nature enthusiasts. Owen learned plenty of survival skills in the woods from his grandfather, who is a hunter, and they pay a visit to his woodland life almost every month.

- As a small kid, Owen’s grandfather taught him how to fish for the first time, and they cooked the fish for dinner for the family. Young O was upset because they were once living fish, but his grandfather taught him that sometimes meals have a dark side to them, but that doesn’t make them any less tasty. If anything, the depth to the story makes it taste better than something bland.

- Overall, Owen’s family all have great loving relationships with each other. They’re all obese, and incredibly reckless with their spending habits. They go in debt a lot more times than you think. It’s a casualty at this point.

- Owen and his brothers go to a catholic school. They’ve been in one in all their school years. Owen’s usually the restless one during mass. He was also in a choir at one point, but he hated it.

- Owen has a list of all his sins. It’s a very small page, but he never forgets his wrongs this way. (And then becoming a mole doubled that page)

- Owen isn’t a literature person. In book reports, he draws them out in little scribbles.

- Growing up, Owen had multiple buddies and got along with people easily. However, none of them were really ‘close friends’. They were just people he hung out with from his extroversion. A lot of his classmates are really serious or have family issues, so Owen simply felt like he had everything easy compared to them and had no interesting stories to bond with. At most it’d be about a hunting weekend with his grandfather or compliments to school food that literally no one else would say.

- Despite being as big as he was, he actually wasn’t incredibly food obsessed in his early child days. Most of his weight was carried over from his family, so it wasn’t like it mattered.

- When he was around ten, he had a dream to become an Olympian. It became a path he wanted to pursue at first... you can probably guess where that led to.

- It didn’t work out. School PE was painful and not helpful. The failure led to quite a bit of insecurity. So Owen practically begged for his parents to send him away to a summer camp he found online. A fat camp.

- That too ended up being bad. Everyone there was incredibly miserable, and the coaches guilt tripped the kids all the time. They had to jog in the hot sun for hours, with one coach mocking that people like them could never win a race. There was also a restraint with food amounts, and boy did the kids get hungry.

- Owen found a food stash at that camp in the middle of the night, and from borderline starving, he raided it. He regretted this, added it on his sin list and prayed for forgiveness and all of that, but he had to admit he liked it.

- After leaving the camp, he took a studying interest in recipes for the rest of the summer, learning about all kinds of food. If asked, he could gladly nerd out some facts about cooking.

- Owen doesn’t just eat food mindlessly. He has an understanding of a variety of edible stuff. Sometimes he’ll compare people around him to a food product to understand them. He’s cheese. Noah’s curry. Izzy’s hot peppers. And so on. If he calls someone equivalent to Chef’s food, he means that as a compliment.

- By his teenage years, he gave up on his athlete dream and decided he was going to work towards becoming a gourmet. Not only could it pay for his family, but it was also something he genuinely enjoyed. He wanted the people around him to never be as miserable as that camp ever again. So he made a vow to share what fun he found along the way.

- Counting what he lost at the camp, he practically doubled his size and weight by high school. Appetites definitely grow when kept too far away from food for a long period of time. But when asked, he’d shrug off all concerns. Course, stereotyping isn’t so kind, so not a lot of people in school took interest in him as a person aside from the occasional gross-out gag that landed once every twenty attempts.

- Owen has a whole closet full of stuffed animals. Those are his ‘friends’. As much as he won’t want to admit it out loud, it’s obvious to a few people that he has a crippling sense of loneliness. He can’t be in a room by himself for five minutes without panicking and thinking no one wants him. The stuffed animals aid it and help him sleep at night. He still sleeps with a plush toy to this day.

- Owen doesn’t actually process his bisexuality. In his mind, it’s completely normal. This guy can’t stay in a closet even if he tried.

- Owen’s audition for Total Drama was just him eating cheese and expressing all the fun party ideas he has for the other contestants. He admitted he didn’t think he was gonna win or anything, but what he really wanted was to fit in with a crowd he can connect with from a dramatic experience.

- They picked him for the show because of his mascot demeanor. They had ‘comic relief’ in mind from the start. “He’d make a great running gag; Just LOOK at him!”

- Needless to say, Owen won Island (in my canon) and gained loads of buddies from the experience. But then he gave up his money for the million solely because he wanted to have fun. He didn’t think there’d actually be consequences.

- Owen has an obnoxious amount of screen time on the show because the producers always market him as the main joke character of the show. They need him for the comedy purpose. The more he’s on that show, the more he’s molded into that role as his stereotypes, both the comic relief ones and the offensive fat kid ones. But he stayed anyway because he cared about the people around him, and thought they were genuinely interested in him as a person. (They weren’t. They only saw him for his role.)

- Unlike everyone else, Owen genuinely thought Chris and Chef cared about him. Chef was always making ‘delicious’ meals for him and all his friends, and Chris shared his enthusiasm for the ‘fun’ games. When Owen was in the hospital from is broken jaw, Chris paid the medical bills to assure he’d come back to the show right away with special treatment. After his first elimination in Action, Chris pulled him for the mole job, setting it up as wanting to help Owen and his family for their cheese cellar situation. He confessed that without Owen, he didn’t know what the show would be like. Owen took that as though Chris cared about his well being, so he accepted the job. (Chris and Chef didn’t actually care about Owen as a person; They just wanted his jokey image)

- The mole role was miserable. Everyone became disgusted by Owen after that. It took a LONG TIME for anyone to talk to him since then. He dated Izzy, and he occasionally visited DJ for support in their family’s broke situations, but other than that, nobody wanted to hang out with Owen anymore.

- World Tour was his chance to rebuild his friendships and get a fresh new start. But the thing was, Chris had replaced him as his prize camper, especially now that Alejandro and Sierra were in the picture. Childish comedy was out, and sadistic comedy was in.

- I already made a post about Owen in World Tour. TLDR, he didn’t rebuild any of his friendships. Everyone bullied him, used his kindness, and then abandoned him, leaving him all alone.

- He tried to come back to the show, but Chris didn’t want him back. He didn’t compete in All Stars because Chris wanted that to be a ‘serious season’ for the ‘serious characters’. And well, Owen was framed the entire show as a joke.

- Needless to say, Owen believed that. He believed his feelings didn’t need to be taken seriously, and that he was very shallow, pretentious, and one note. To hide any negative emotion of feeling less important and unheard, he embraced the role with a smile, especially since he had someone to look after.

- Life after Total Drama wasn’t easy with the debts and the loneliness being untreated. He had next to nowhere to go without the show. It wasn’t long before he found that someone else was in the same boat as him. He was also the only person who didn’t shut Owen out after the show. So their agreement to become Reality Pros was mutual. Owen just tagged along to whatever Noah was doing, and they went from there.

- They went to move out and live together, and they moved all around the world depending on the show. Owen was the one responsible for groceries, and Noah was responsible for everything else. For the long time that they spent with their career together, Noah became Owen’s whole world and dreams. He was what Owen wanted from the start, as the friend he needed, who understood him and wanted to be near him.

- Beary got a funeral in Brazil. RIP.

- His biggest fears were flying and letting Noah down. If he screwed up, he felt bad about it. He didn’t want anything to be about him and instead, let it all be about Noah. It’s not like shallow Owen had anything interesting going on anyway. (A mindset from Chris’s psychological torture)

- And then Noah fell in love...

- Owen cared about Noah. A lot. Suffice to say. So when he realized Noah didn’t feel the same at first... it was a bit hard to stand, especially to not show any of that despair in front of Noah or the camera.

- Owen did what he thought he was supposed to do. Help his little buddy get the girl. Even if that meant it was far more apparent that Noah wouldn’t need him anymore, eventually. If anything, Owen dreaded that Noah dating Emma would mean Noah would abandon him like everyone else did. But Owen assisted the relationship anyway because he puts Noah’s needs over his. Always.

- Noah and Emma didn’t end up together. Emma said she’d date him ‘when she won’. She didn’t win. So she was still in a rocky position in how to get in law school. She chose to focus on that over dating Noah, and they both thought that was for the best. Admittedly, with Emma’s past relationships and Noah’s lack of experience with feelings, neither of them would have been as ready to start one as they initially thought. Both Emma and Kitty still stay in touch and they’re all loyal friends who will be at each others aid when needed.

- Owen pretended to be disappointed for his little buddy, even if deep down, he was wondering if that meant he still had a chance. He was sad for Noah. He was sad for Noah. He wasn’t gonna think abut himself...

- But Noah caught him crying by himself in the middle of the night, believing he failed Noah ‘like he always did’. That Noah wouldn’t care about Owen anymore, and that’d say something since Noah didn’t show that very well. He had to get the girl. He didn’t get the girl. So now it’s the fault of the sidekick for screwing it up.

- Noah confessed that Owen didn’t fail him. Not at all. If it weren’t for Owen, Noah wouldn’t know what he’d be doing with his life. Noah didn’t get in the college he wanted to, so he’d have nowhere to go if Owen never came into his life the way he did. Noah has a hard time showing that he cares about people in general, but he’d always care about Owen. Noah’s still learning how to show that care better.

- A year or two later, Owen and Noah mutually start a bit of an asexual relationship. Noah doesn’t really strike me as someone who’d be into all the sex talk. Owen’s just happy that he can connect with someone that he can do anything for.

- Izzy and Owen reunited quite a bit in the future after their separation in World Tour. They don’t get back together, but they remain great friends, and Brainzilla turns out to be a nice edition to the friend group.

- Owen didn’t end up remaining friends with everyone on Total Drama, but he did with Geoff, Bridgette, Gwen, and DJ. He never goes back to Chris. He doesn’t need Chris anymore with his new reputation.

- Owen has a cheese business that blooms pretty quickly. You can thank his boyfriend and his parents for the help. The flavor is called ‘Quippy Cheddar’.

(Let me know if you want me to do anyone else)

#Td Owen #Total Drama #headcanon #td headcanons #Td Noah #Nowen #backstory #Total Drama Island #Total Drama Action #Total Drama World Tour #total drama ridonculous race

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officialgleamstar · 9 months

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TALK TO ME ABOUT MNMOMS ANY TOPIC YOU WANT GO GO GOOOO 🥳

Okay I’m on mobile now because I’m sleepy but OOGH. HAD TO THINK ABOUT THIS ONE. I’ve realized I’ve really neglected talking about a very important aspect of dungeons and daddies in regards to this au: The generational trauma 🎉🎊 aka each moms’ relationship with her own mother! (And parents in general lol)

First, the easiest one - Mercedes has a very genuinely good relationship with her parents. She has a healthy loving relationship with both of them. The generational trauma for the Oak-Garcias is still very Oak-heavy in this AU, which you know Isadora because you were the one who talked with me when I was originally figuring things out :D Mercedes’ issues stem a lot more from not knowing how to handle her husband’s family and being really overwhelmed and genuinely disgusted with the lifestyle that Henry comes from (obviously not held against him, but it does very much change how she views him and how views her children. She always thought the twins took more after her until she saw the same facial features so many times in Oakvale)

Morgan has the worst relationship on paper with her parents but it’s also a pretty simple situation. She was disowned for marrying Glenn. When her parents tried to come back into her life after his death, she refused to return contact. She always disagreed with them growing up and saw them as unsupportive, so while she feels guilt that she’s left Nick with no real grandparents, she still stands by that she did the right thing. For the Foster timeline, Jodie’s Morgan cut her parents off as well, but I’m still trying to figure out why lol. I’m not entirely sure Morgan would ever think to ask

Samantha has a complicated relationship with her mom. Growing up, Samantha’s mom was fairly lonely and as a result, she treated Samantha as a friend more than she did a daughter. She put her problems onto Samantha from a young age and while she didn’t expect her preteen daughter to be able to help at all, she still overstepped appropriate boundaries quite a bit in that regard. This led to Sammy often feeling helpless and like her mom was going through too much for Samantha to ever bring her own issues to her mom as well, since she didn’t want to be a burden. Once she was older, Samantha realized how inappropriate it was that she was being saddled with adult issues before she was even 15 and while it did shape her life in some positive ways - Samantha does credit her interest in therapy to wanting to help her mom - she also recognizes that it puts a huge strain on her relationship with her mom. This is why she’s so closed off with her son when it comes to emotional issues: she never wants to put Terry Junior in that same position of having to care for his mother as a child.

Carol is uh. Carol um. Hm!! Carol.

Carol has had a bad relationship with her mom her entire life. She pointedly spent most of her time at Darryl’s house throughout her childhood and teenage years, she never really starts conversations with her mom or dad, and whenever she’s asked about her parents, she always thinks of the Wilsons before her biological parents. However, Carol does not like recognizing this as true because that would require analyzing why she dislikes her mom, and that would require her addressing the fact that she hates the life she was raised to live. Her parents were very traditional, just like the Wilsons, and Carol was raised to be a good Catholic wife to her good Catholic husband. She gets a lot of shit from her parents for being the breadwinner while Darryl stays at home, something that bothers her to no end because she is very defensive of Darryl, and she feels incredibly stifled by the concept that she has to be this meek heterosexual woman with a nuclear family and a white picket fence. However, pre-Forgotten Realms, she never really lets herself explore this past “I want a career”, and she’s also deeply in denial about there being an issue at all. I have this like, general plan for a battleaxe that they get at some point where the worst the wielder’s relationship is with your parents, the more powerful it is, and uh. Needless to say. Carol is the one who owns it LMAO it absolutely mortifies her but it’s one of the first steps towards her admitting she’s unhappy with her life

#dndads #mnmoms au #ask #isadora greenhall

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bruhstation · 1 year

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Hi i love your casa tidmouth!!! I saw the ask about james pairing and wondered if there any pairing for diesel, oliver or lady? Also happy holidays!!!

thank you very much!!! ALSO HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR AHHHHHH I'M SO SO SORRY FOR ANSWERING THIS LATE.... I WANTED TO ANSWER THIS ASK AS DETAILED AS POSSIBLE SO 🙏🙏🙏

I also apologize if some parts don't really sound very shippy because I thought it'd be a good chance to showcase some bits of lore character relationships in general... ANYWAYS!!!! HAVE FUN READING

diesel:

you could say that diesel's currently not interested in anyone, at least in a romantic sense. diesel used to have a small crush on mavis but no longer did after she told him she's a lesbian. now they're just... besties? frenemies? diesel and mavis gets into trouble together, except diesel's the one who incites it (arry and bert just follows) and mavis just happens to be there. diesel gets himself into trouble because of his schemes while mavis (begrudgingly) gets him out of it, though she usually also gets the short end of the stick alongside diesel. mavis also thought that diesel is constantly up to no good, though this is mostly because mavis just wants to live a simple life with as little problems as possible (literally impossible because she lives in so-freaking-dor)

however in act 2, mavis started to feel suspicious about diesel with how he always disappears somewhere at nights. even though they're both affiliated with the dieselworks (since they both drive diesel engines), she suspected that diesel might've been getting himself involved with d10 lately and is now genuinely siding with someone threatening instead of just being mildly inconveniencing. she's now conflicted between wanting to confront diesel in order to protect the person she cares about, or avert her eyes and live in blissful ignorance.

not shippy, but worth mentioning: diesel and duck started off as great enemies at the start of the story. before the events of casa tidmouth, after thinking duck wanted to leave him for dead (he was still new to sodor and has no idea people rarely die in sodor's railways), diesel spread horrific rumours about duck's family, which triggered the start of his axe-crazy tendencies (he's incredibly desperate to make his family proud. you know the drill). neither of them expressed guilt -- they do feel it -- for their actions towards one another because of how stubborn they are. they also have really different worldviews; diesel wanted progress, while duck wanted to stick with the old ways.

their backgrounds were really similar, too. both of their families were incredibly traditional, but while duck followed them like a dog, diesel rejected them. they could've respected each other or even become friends, if only their stubborness didn't blind them. perhaps things could change in act 2...?

speaking of act 2, diesel teamed up with d10 and got pretty close to him, partly because he realized d10's power is now heavily relying on the competence of his minions (and they're really not) and partly because they both share the same worldviews about progress. he's basically his right hand man, doing all the convincing and talking while d10 is having this big internal crisis going on. you could say it's also his curiosity taking place, since he wonders what the "most menacing man in all of sodor" will do once he hits rock bottom. diesel also convinced percy to join the workers of dieselworks when he was at his lowest, saying "I know a man who would respect your ambitions."

in addition, diesel is still coming into terms with his identity because of his huge catholic guilt. this fucking guy

‎

oliver:

even though he's usually no-nonsense and avoids conflict and island mysteries at any cost, oliver has a huge soft spot for douglas. they first met around 5 years ago when oliver was lost in a forest in bumfuck nowhere, being the victim of time and space displacement alongside a young man called toad -- who barely said a word -- and having lost a lot of his memories. he lived inside his rusty engine with toad for years in solitude. after a few years had passed, he met douglas, who ended up there as well (he assumed that he's the same as him) and bonded with him over the days he was stuck there.

with douglas' presence, oliver felt much less alone. and vice versa. toad also got along with douglas, which made oliver felt relieved. oliver initially didn't have much motivation to get himself out of the situation (toad didn't express much either and only wanted to stick with oliver) and nearly gave up, but after meeting douglas and listening to his stories about missing his brother and wanting to go back home, oliver regained his motivation to keep on trying. he also set his thoughts of finding whoever's responsible aside for the sake of douglas and toad.

after the three of them were rescued by duck and donald and nursed back to health, oliver intended to take his leave, still a bit bent on finding whoever's responsible for his lost memories and broken engine. but then sir topham hatt suggested that he could work for the northwestern railways ("who knows? it could help you find what you're looking for, mr. swindon.")

the next day, douglas expressed gratitude to oliver for saving his life and accompanying him throughout the days he was lost in a forest. oliver instead shot back with a smile, "actually, douglas, you're the one who saved me. even though I still remember nothing about my past, I now remember what I was fighting for. myself, and my engine."

fun fact: you know oliver jr., oliver's tamagotchi? douglas was the one who gifted it to him. since the first generation of tamagotchis die easily if not given care 24/7, douglas went all the way to the steamworks and convinced victor (doctor, engineer, guy with at least 3 phds) to modify it and make it practically immortal. oliver received this gift extremely happily, though he sometimes wonders if something is different with his tamagotchi (douglas just said that he probably got the most special ultra rare yadda yadda version).

oliver and douglas are also one of the more "normal" pair in all of casa tidmouth (2x3x4 have communication issues thus can only pine over each other, 8x9 are... uh... murderhusbands, mavis is oblivious to lady's true identity, lady and d10 have similar twisted views on humanity, etc).

‎

lady:

even though nobody (aside from thomas and percy) knows about lady being the island's goddess, almost every single woman in casa tidmouth likes her. mavis, emily, rosie, belle, daisy, etc... they all collectively thought "haha wow weird silly woman is pretty". she's way too oblivious and thought that it's just some quirk humans have, though. HOWEVER, she's really close with mavis, who showed lady around the quarry when she first arrived in sodor. mavis also wanted to "shield" lady from all the general weirdness around sodor, assuming that she's originally from outside the island. on the other hand, lady's optimism started to make mavis relax more from her coworker diesel's antics. also mavis thinks she's kinda hahah hey girl

in act 2, after news of missing railway workers came out, mavis tried to convince lady to leave the island. she felt like lady knows a lot more than she looks, but she's not taking any risks to have the person she holds dear get involved. lady just felt really guilty, but (after going through character progression and developing more "human" emotions like happiness, guilt, melancholy, "selfish" motivations, yadda yadda) she has a feeling that if she revealed her true identity, it's not going to end smoothly.

I've also mentioned something about lady and d10 being really close in a qpp type of way had their circumstances been different. they're both people who find it really hard to connect to others; the former being a goddess with different perceptions on morality and the latter being a guy who has low empathy and a whole lot of personality disorders. here's the post explaining their relationship

#casa tidmouth #casa tidmouth act 2 #ttte diesel #ttte diesel 10 #ttte percy #ttte oliver #ttte douglas #ttte lady #ttte mavis #asks #anonymous #PHEWWWW THAT'S A LOT!!!!!#lore time.... LORE TIME #posting this at the kuala lumpur airport. gonna go home lol #hope you enjoy 🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧#10x11 #mavisxlady #lady+diesel 10

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moonlatias · 1 year

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The Divine is in All Things

Just got back from a trip to see my family. Despite some misgivings I had, my dad didn’t make the visit weird at all, probably cause I didn’t bring my husband (who he unreasonably hates). So it ended up being a pleasant experience and I got to do all the things I hoped to do.

However, I did have to stay in a house full of more Catholic iconography than some churches I’ve been to. My dad has since replaced most of the pretty pictures my mom put up long ago with statues and paintings of the Sacred Heart of Jesus, or archangels, or famous depictions of the Catholics destroying those dang dirty Muslims in the Battle of Tours. :| Even my bedroom had a bunch of pillows of various saints and their prayers.

Though my dad thankfully didn’t make me go to Sunday Mass, we did end up praying over all our meals together and doing a devotion for my mom when we visited her at the cemetery.

Did it bother me? Did it make me uncomfortable? Actually… no.

I did the prayers I remembered out of respect for my mom, and to make my dad happy. But in my heart, I would thank the faces of the Divine I know instead. Before I left my mom, the Goddess showed me her presence with a rain that smelled and felt just like she has come to me before. It was reassuring, kind, and for a moment I was lost in the sensation of nature, the world, the Divine.

At night before bed, I asked for protection and showed my gratitude to the God and Goddess. I didn’t feel any conflict at all. But I never really left Catholicism thinking that my previous God would be hostile or that I was cursed. If there was guilt, it was easier for me to shed it than I know others have found it… probably because I genuinely feel my prayers have always been directed to the God (and Goddess) I honor now. They feel the same, their presence is familiar… it’s just a different face, only free of suffocating laws and harmful attitudes. I don’t beg for their mercy because I am worthless and sinful, like in Catholicism. I ask for their guidance, and they don’t make me feel like a failure if I don’t get it right at first. They don’t demand I repent anything, and they don’t have to forgive me to “save” me. I have always been precious and they will never cause me to think I am anything less.

It was an enlightening and healing experience.

In other spiritual news, I had a particular task that Dionysus charged me with (on behalf of my husband, but also for me in a way as well). It was to find a particular item that would be spiritually significant at my dad’s house. I looked for the original item I promised, but it wasn’t where I remembered it, it wasn’t in any other logical location, and in the near-hoarding situation that is my dad’s house, finding it elsewhere would be next to impossible. I was somewhat disappointed in myself… but then I found this.

It’s an old neko I’ve had ever since I was… 10 or so? It would hang on my window for protection and good luck. It was bought when we lived in Japan! I figured… well, it’s from Japan too, just like the item I had been looking for, and it means just as much to me. Maybe this is a good substitute?

I still felt a little bad, and told Dionysus I was sorry I didn’t find the original item I promised.

Then, when I was at the zoo (a place that always brings me joy!), this guy said hello. He swam right up to the window and sat there for quite a while.

And for some reason—a thought that popped in out of nowhere—I felt a sense of reassurance. That… it’s fine, I don’t have to feel bad about that anymore. Keep having a good time!

I think little pink fish was Dionysus’s way of telling me it’s ok and to relax. He isn’t going to be that strict! So I relaxed the rest of my vacation.

After returning home and telling my husband all about the trip, I then pulled out my little neko and presented it to them. “It wasn’t for lack of trying that I looked for [first item], but I found this instead. I hope it’s ok!”

They looked at me, surprised. Because the neko has been coincidentally popping up in the last few days for them. They felt drawn to a neko plush I had given them a while back and cuddled with it all weekend when I was gone (aww). They received a neko from their deceased grandmother’s belongings. And now this?

Maybe it was all meant to work out this way the whole time.

I feel glad I was able to spend time with my family without any negativity or pain occurring during the trip. I’m glad I was able to still spend a bit of time with my gods. I’m glad I did the task I was charged with. And I’m glad the vacation rejuvenated me.

I guess I am truly blessed after all!

#eclectic wicca #paganism #god #goddess #personal #deity worship #ex catholic #ex christian #upg #dionysus diety

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pinkradfem · 2 years

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this is more of a vent post about my sexuality and i'm sorry if it sounds pretentious.

i'm obviously not a lesbian. i've been attracted to males, i've had boyfriends, and i've enjoyed sex with males (i think). i've never really had a crush on women the same way i have on men, never as strong and never as long term, but as i'm starting to come out of my teenage years more confused than when they started; my friends have often joked that i'm the "gayest straight person" and now i'm starting to question if i'm bisexual.

around the age of 10 or so, i had a best friend that had been so for years. she was my polar opposite. patient, kind, very middle class, and incredibly optimistic. one time, she kissed me on the cheek by accident, saying that she did it to her French cousin and got a little confused. i told my mum and said that i felt happy about it. she told me that i better not, without explaining why, which was fine since i already knew.

when i was 13 i proposed the idea to my mother who, being bipolar and a plastic Catholic, wasn't too pleased. the next day she swore she'd embarrass me at pride dressed head to toe in a rainbow ensemble and love me no matter what. the day after, she swore that if i was gay she wouldn't talk to me anymore. i never really brought issues about my sexuality up to her again. she's a product of her times, not genuinely bigoted.

since about the age of 14, maybe, i've had a heterosexual male approach when viewing women as objects of affection or even a little lust. like a douchebag. i never catcalled a lady but i'd make comments to friends like "check out those yabahoes". i'd play the character. i think a lot of my friends thought i was joking, i'm typically the clown of friend groups anyways, but i don't think there was a time where i meant it in a totally insincere way.

however i continued to get into heterosexual relationships and entered one that left me fucked up and worn down; the sex was painful, his favour ever waning, and his hands always around my neck. but i loved him. everyone knew i was devoted, but nobody really knew i was scared. i was and am still scared. i would always pretend i wasn't. that's not to say i was a passive victim, i wasn't a victim, i was often loud, bossy, and always demanding better for him from himself and from his friends. this made me a pariah of sorts, which he used to his advantage once he lost interest in me. there was never a time where my love for him came to a conclusive end, but the process of moving on began when i learned that he had raped my friend and tried to guilt her into having his child. to say i was traumatised would be too harsh, i just... had issues a little. sometimes i regress back to the little woman i would be to keep him happy. regardless, this relationship was one that nurtured my unhealthy ideas about sex.

later on in my teenage years i turned to sex to cope with, well, anything. i didn't like porn, but i watched it. i didn't feel anything touching myself, but i had nothing better to do. i was a kid but i began showing myself off to people online. i thought that sex was the path to love and ended up loathing being touched by others. pictures of me naked were sometimes leaked, to group chats, to servers, to a girlfriend. i don't particularly feel any pleasure now, and i sometimes genuinely fear the chance of sex.

but what about lesbian sex? i've asked myself that a lot but the thought makes me shudder. i can't stand my own body and you want me to get naked in front of another woman?! i don't even know what's going on down there with me! how am i supposed to know what's going on down there with her?! i've never particularly yearned for the soft hand of another woman to caress my lily-white thighs. but i have yearned for the arms to be around my waist. to be held. to sleep in on the sabbath in a yellow sunlit room, warm air gluing us together under a knitted blanket of love. but i always feel ashamed because i'm always cursed to dream these dreams about the women who i'm closest to, my best friends, who trust and love me in the strongest platonic ways. it doesn't help that these platonic feelings often mix with romantic, opening Pandora's box once again and sending me back to square one.

so i don't know what i am. this is my conclusion. whether i'm bisexual or just straight and confused, here's my post on my tumblr blog explaining it all. sorry about the unsatisfactory end. i've always been rather shit at these.

#vent #sapphic #lesbian #radfem #feminist #radblr #feminism #radfem safe

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angellesword · 3 years

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EUPHORIA | JJK

It’s Sunday. Jeongguk was supposed to be at the gym, serving looks. You were supposed to be at the church, serving the Lord. But you two were at the mall, looking for baby toys. You guessed this was your punishment for letting him stick his dick inside of you instead of just using an adult toy.

Alternatively:

“We share the same painful views. Won’t you please stay in my dreams.”

word count: 2.6k (one-shot) PART OF INTRO SERIES

pairing: husband!Jungkook x wife!reader

genre and content warnings: established relationship, angst, fluff, married au, (forced marriage) mention of premarital sex, pregnancy, abortion, Catholic guilt, death, and mental illness.

Sunday was church day.

This was what your whole family made you believe ever since you were young. They were firm believers of God. In fact, your first word wasn't like what most babies said.

Jesus. This was your first word and your mom wasn't even complaining. She loved to brag about it to other lectors and commentators. Your father, a lay minister, also took pride sharing the same story over and over again.

Frankly speaking, you were getting tired of it.

Don't get it twisted. You loved Jesus and you believed that he was your savior. You even sang worship songs at the church every Sunday. You were the head of the choir; every church goer knew you—well, not only church goers.

Literally everyone around you knew you.

You were also popular at school. People referred to you as the good girl who had it all.

You were pretty, smart, and your boyfriend was none other than Jeon Jeongguk.

The man you were dating was a jock. He made it clear that he didn't like studying, but he still wanted to go to a university and apply for scholarship. You had no doubt that he would get what he wanted.

Jeongguk was a star football player after all.

"Babe, what do you think of this?" You showed Jeongguk a stuffed animal. It was a rabbit.

"Cute," he grinned at you. Jeongguk wasn't sure what he found cute. Was it you or was it the stuffed toy?

You and Jeongguk were currently at the mall, buying toys for Haneul, your son who was turning one this month.

"We'll buy this next time.”

The smile Jeongguk was sporting turned into a scowl when you put the toy back to the shelf.

"Next time?" He furrowed his brow, reaching for the rabbit. "Why can't we buy it now?"

"Guk," you let out a sigh. He was feigning innocence but you knew better.

You knew you couldn't afford this kind of toy. Why did you even ask him to go here? It was obvious that you didn't belong here.

Years ago, you and Jeongguk had plans. He wanted to be a famous football player while you decided to major in Marketing; however, your dreams had been shattered when you found out that you were pregnant with his baby.

You didn't know what to do that time. You just graduated high school. Actually, you were supposed to take the college entrance exam at Seoul University.

The test didn't happen because you felt sick that day. You had been vomiting non-stop and everything smelt awful.

You still took a test, though. It wasn't the kind of test you were expecting. You woke up that day to chase you dream, but instead you ended up chasing your breath as you cried and cried and cried.

You took a pregnancy test and the numbing slap of your mother was enough for you to know that you were a disgrace.

A disgrace, a disappointment, an animal, a disrespectful child, and a....

sinner.

You accepted it all. You didn't mind that your whole family was insulting you inside and out.

You didn't blame them—couldn't blame them.

How could you do that when you saw yourself the same way they saw you?

Your mind was poisoning you. You were blaming yourself. You were blaming Jeongguk. He did this to you.

He did this to you because you let him.

So basically, this was your fault.

You ruined your future and the only way to restore everything back to normal was to have an abortion.

Of course you considered abortion. You were young and so, so scared. How could you take care of a child when you couldn't even take care of yourself?

And what about Jeongguk? He didn't deserve this shit. He was young too. He deserved the world, not a punishment.

You considered your child as a punishment. Why didn't you just stick to dildo? Or a fucking vibrator?

There were so many options. Why did you have to trust that stupid condom? You knew it didn't work all the time.

Nothing worked according to your plan.

"You are going to marry Jeon Jeongguk." Your father's words screamed authority.

Everyone in your family was aware that once your father demanded something, it should be followed without any questions. He rarely spoke, but when he did, it was absolute.

"But—" despite knowing the end of this discussion, you still tried to reason out.

You were only able to utter one word before you felt another deafening slap from your mother.

Or was it your father?

You had no idea.

All you knew was that everyone was either physically hurting you or emotionally manipulating you.

"No buts! My decision is final! You are going to marry that Jeon boy!"

Ah, that Jeon boy.

Poor Jeon Jeongguk. He had no idea what was about to happen to him. God. He didn't even know that you were carrying his child.

"We won't allow you to live like a slut anymore," your auntie crossed her arms.

This was the thing about your family. Everyone had a say, even your relative could discipline you. According to them, elders should always be respected. You had to follow what they said because apparently, they knew better than you.

Maybe they did. But still, you didn't want to force Jeongguk to marry you.

Sure, you two had been dating for three years now, but that wasn't enough. What if the love he felt for you wasn't the kind of love that you and your kid needed?

Perhaps you should have thought of that before giving into lust. The tiny voice inside your head sneered at you.

You could only sob.

It seemed like crying was all you could do.

You cried when you found out that you were pregnant, you cried when your parents found out that you were pregnant, and you cried when Jeongguk found out that you were pregnant.

All of this was happening because you were pregnant.

Except one thing:

Jeongguk wanted to marry you not because you were pregnant but because he loved you.

"You don't have to force me.” Jeongguk gritted his teeth when your whole family barged in his house.

Of course the Jeons were surprised. They weren't close to your family even though you lived two houses away from one another.

Your family didn’t want to associate themselves with the Jeons. The latter didn't really believe in the Lord, or even if they did, they were still far from religious.

They raised Jeongguk to be a sinner.

Your family firmly believed that you only got pregnant because Jeongguk forced you.

It wasn't true. You both wanted it to happen. You were consenting adults. Besides, your boyfriend asked you thousands of times if you truly wanted to do it.

He didn't force you. He respected you.

"I will marry her." Jeongguk said with confidence. He was looking at your father as if he was ready to knock him down.

"Jeongguk," his mother called softly. She was crying. She was broken. She was ashamed. She was sorry.

"It's alright, mom." The look Jeongguk gave his mother was the opposite of the glare he threw at your father.

Jeongguk was a sweet boy. He loved his parents so much.

"Shall we talk about the wedding, then?" Your father raised a brow.

Everything happened fast after that. Your family and Jeongguk's parents arranged the matrimony that was about to happen.

The Jeons offered to pay for the wedding expenses. Your family agreed. They didn't really care about the details. They only demanded a church wedding. They also wanted to marry you off as soon as possible.

They said it would be a shame if your baby bump appeared before the white event.

Since the preparation was short, you didn't have a choice but to wear a simple dress. Your mother insisted that you add veil as an accessory.

It was a hypocritical move, really. Veils symbolized innocence and purity.

You were neither.

You were a sinner and guilt was consuming your whole being.

Guilt for disappointing your family.

Guilt for breaking your promise to the Lord.

And guilt for taking something away from Jeongguk.

You took his freedom away.

The small apartment where you two now lived was not enough to showcase what he got. This abode was small, suffocating and confining his talents.

It was also too small to cater your unending tears.

You felt like you were drowning.

"Babe..." Your husband whispered, yet his voice still startled you.

You didn't answer—didn't have the energy to do so. You were drowning, remember? It didn't help that you feel suffocated too. The stupid dress you were wearing was too tight.

"You okay?" Jeongguk enquired, sighing.

He was worried about you. The two of you got married today. It was supposed to be one of the happiest days for brides, but why weren't you happy?

Why did you look...dejected?

"Yeah," you tried to offer him a smile. "I just feel hot."

You weren't lying. You didn't like the ambiance of your house. It felt like a vacation place, like you were a stranger, like you didn't belong.

It was because your mother and sisters were the ones who decorated this place.

"You think you can join me outside?" Your husband rubbed circled on your palm. "Let's have some fresh air?"

You nodded in a heartbeat.

You were tired, but you didn't want to be stuck in this room. You wanted...out.

"Okay.” Jeongguk helped you get on your feet. He was acting as though you were an expensive figurine ever since he learned that you were pregnant.

Your husband led you to the small garden of your home. You didn't know that your family decided to buy a place like this.

You were grateful though. The inside of your home was suffocating, but the garden appeared...magical.

"Jeongguk," your eyes widened in shock. "W-What's all this?"

Your hand was shaking as your eyes scanned the garden. There were fairy lights wrapped around the trees. The place was also decorated with different ornaments and pretty flowers.

Your favorite flowers.

"Do you like it?" Your husband was grinning at you. His eyes were shining brighter than the lights.

"Of course," you cupped his cheeks. "This is sweet, Kookie. Thank you.”

"Anything for you," he brought your hands closer to his mouth, kissing it.

"You deserve everything, baby." And with that, Jeongguk dropped on one knee.

"W-What are you doing!?" You panicked, eyes dilating once again.

"I know everything happened so fast." He started, licking his bottom lip. "We didn't have time to process everything. Our family decided what they think is good for us and trust me, I appreciate it."

You knew he was implying that he wanted this to happen.

"But I want to do something that I want.” He fished a small box out of the pocket of his slacks.

You gasped.

"They told me to marry you." He opened the velvet box.

There was a ring.

"But they didn't give me the chance to do this," he raised the ring in the air.

"Baby," Jeongguk called, looking at your face with so much fondness. "You deserve a better proposal."

You were sobbing.

"You deserve a man dropping down on one knee. A man who will show you that he is serious about this marriage.”

He took your left hand.

"And I want to be that man. I want to be the man you deserved and not the boy your father coerced,"

You laughed, heart hammering through your chest. Jeongguk was so beautiful.

"I love you..." He confessed as he called your name. "Will you marry me?"

The yes that came out of your mouth was instant. You didn't hesitate. You didn't feel guilty. You just felt....happy.

Jeongguk put the ring on your finger. He kissed your stomach before standing up to crash his lips against yours.

Jeongguk no longer tasted like regret.

He tasted like forever.

Forever...

You swore you would stay with him forever. You felt silly for doubting him.

Jeongguk was a good man.

Your house no longer felt suffocating. It was loaded with love and laughter and it made your heart swell with joy.

Your family didn't bother your life anymore. You were on your own. They stopped supporting you. They said you made a choice—a choice to be a mother.

A mother was a provider, a natural giver.

You provided for your new family. You worked harder. You had two jobs: a waitress and elementary tutor.

Jeongguk continued studying. He was a student in the morning and a delivery boy at night.

You two worked in the same restaurant. Jeongguk tried to cover your shift as much as possible. He was basically doing your job.

He was scared. What if you overworked yourself? He didn't want you to work but you said you had to.

Raising a baby was expensive.

But you did it.

Haneul was turning one year old this month. He was a bright kid and he looked exactly like his father. They had the same brown eyes, so innocent and wide.

You knew you would do anything for your baby—well—except for one.

You wouldn't buy this stuffed toy for him. It's not like you didn't want to. It was more like you couldn't.

You couldn't afford it.

You couldn't, but Jeongguk could.

"Let's buy it...” He repeated. "I have money. I worked overtime last night.”

Your husband was still a delivery boy. You, on the other hand, quit your job so that you could look after your baby.

"Are you sure? This is expensive, Kook." You bit your lower lip.

Jeongguk smiled at you.

"But Haneul will like it.”

His reason was enough for you to just give in.

Of course.

Anything for your little Jeon. You would die for your son.

"Haneul, we're home!" You cooed loudly.

You were excited to see your baby. Jeongguk told you to give Haneul the stuffed toy while he go and express his gratitude to your neighbor for looking after baby Haneul.

Little did you know, Jeongguk was lying.

There was no neighbor to talk to.

It was only an excuse so that he could stare at you through the window as you rocked the empty crib in your room.

You were singing.

"You are the sunlight that rose again in my life..." Your voice was sweet that Jeongguk couldn't help but cry a little.

For you, Haneul was light. He shed light when you felt like giving up.

"You are the cause of my euphoria," your child was also the cause of your happiness.

Without him, you would be lost.

Jeongguk knew it.

Haneul.

This was the name you chose for your kid. It meant heaven.

For you, Haneul was God sent.

But Jeongguk was wondering.

If Haneul was God sent, then why did the Lord take him immediately?

Why did your Lord take him away from you and Jeongguk?

"Close the door now..." You continued to sing.

Jeongguk's heart clenched.

He watched you every day, so he already knew the next line of the song.

He sang with you.

"When I'm with you I'm in utopia..."

Utopia was a special place. A fantasy world. A world where everything was possible.

In Utopia, Haneul was still alive.

Jeongguk wasn't crazy.

He knew you needed help.

You were in denial. Too caught up in fantasy that you refused to believe that your son was already dead the moment he was born.

Haneul died in your womb.

He tried telling you, but you didn't want to acknowledge it.

You became hysterical when the words dead and Haneul were mentioned in the same sentence.

Jeongguk avoided using those words. It had been months now, almost a year actually.

He wondered if he could still continue pretending.

Looking at you hurt.

He guessed it was time to let go.

Not now, but soon.

For today, he just wanted to believe that utopia was real.

It should be fine, right?

more JJK FICS: Your Eyes Tell or check Masterlist

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #ficswithluv #jungkook x reader #jungkook x y/n #jungkook x you #husband jungkook #boyfriend jungkook

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kate04us · 3 years

Text

On The Same Page

The muse was in a generous mood today, so I finished another one of @virtualtaleinternet‘s prompts. This one is Fluff # 2 - “Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?” Not sure if it really qualifies as fluff, but I guess it’s close enough. At least it’s happy (and maybe slightly naughty) Shandy feels.

You can find the prompt list here.

Sharon was nervous, and she knew that she was obvious about it. She had planned this dinner for over a week, ever since Rusty had mentioned that he would be away this weekend. Their latest case had almost ruined it, but they had managed to close it just in time. It hadn’t left her as much time to prepare as she had hoped, but Sharon had pulled it off. The meal was cooked, and the table set the way she had imagined, with candles, and flowers, and all the trimmings. She’d had to rush through the bathroom in the end, but once the doorbell rang, she was ready.

Now that they sat at the table, their main course of grilled salmon, steamed asparagus, and roasted potatoes long gone, she had a hard time focusing on her chocolate mousse. It was ridiculous. This was not the first time they’d shared dinner at her place. It wasn’t even the first time they had done so without Rusty present. In fact, he had only recently spent a month living with her while he recovered from his injury and subsequent surgery. And yet, here she was, nervous like a schoolgirl at the thought of being alone with him.

Who was she kidding? It wasn’t being alone with him that had her ready to run, but rather the prospect of what might happen after dinner. They had approached the change in their relationship carefully. A great deal depended on them getting it right, not least of all their wonderful friendship. When Sharon had asked him to give them time, she had not quite envisioned that, five months later, they would still be in old-fashioned territory, but the time had never been right to take that final step, and then Andy’s health had forced them to put any kind of physical closeness on hold for a while. The issue had never been that she didn’t want him, or that she had some kind of Catholic guilt about having sex outside of marriage, or that she was scared of sex or something equally ridiculous. She knew that her children thought of her as a lonely model of virtue, and she refused to think about what Jack had called her in the years since she had last allowed him into her bed.

None of that mattered. She wanted Andy. She had wanted him for a very long time, even before he had asked her out. She had simply needed to be sure that they knew what they were doing before they made any decisions they could not take back. Returning to a close friendship after sharing a few kisses would have been slightly awkward for a while, but they would have managed. Sex, however, was a different thing altogether. Sex with Andy would mean something and stepping away from that without damaging their friendship would be impossible.

That certainty had come a while ago, even before his accident, but the time they had spent together during his recovery had convinced her even more that what they had was real and solid. They loved one another, and when she thought of her future, she saw him in it. All that was missing was that one last step, and Sharon had planned for it to happen tonight. If only she could find a way to get Andy on the same page.

Sharon liked sex. She had never been shy about saying what she wanted, and she certainly wasn’t insecure. In this instance, however, she felt a little lost. She wanted their first time together to be special, but she didn’t want there to be so much pressure on the entire thing that it would inevitably fail. She wanted the lead-up to be romantic, and so far, it was working out nicely, but she wasn’t quite sure how to transition them from the dinner table to the bedroom without either being painfully blunt about what she wanted or deploying some rather heavy-handed seduction techniques. They had gotten so comfortable with each other, with cuddling on the couch and sharing kisses, that maybe they had missed the point where the sexual tension between them was so thick that a mere look would get them going. Andy was very sweet about letting her set the pace and respecting her boundaries, and she appreciated it very much, but she was more than ready for him to set some of that respect aside.

She had been thinking about what it would be like for a while now. Back when his broken ribs had made it hard for him to move, she had seen him in various stages of undress, had touched his bare skin more than once, reveling in the heat and scent that emanated from him. She had longed for more, for a chance to explore all of him, for his hands on her body, for them to lie together, skin on skin, but that hadn’t been possible then.

When she had chosen her outfit earlier, she had imagined how his eyes would caress every curve in the crimson wrap dress, how he would struggle to keep his gaze from dropping down the deep neckline of her dress where, when she moved a certain way, a hint of black lace peeked out. It was torture, imagining all these things and more with him sitting only a couple of feet away, being the perfect gentleman.

Yes, his eyes had darkened a little when he had first seen her earlier. He had complimented her on her appearance as he always did, and maybe she had felt his gaze on her a few times while she had served dinner, but he didn’t stare, and he didn’t allow his eyes to drop to her cleavage, at least not as far as she could tell. Maybe all those lectures about proper conduct and misogynistic behavior over the years had been a little too effective.

It drove her crazy. The longer he sat there, engaging her in a comfortable conversation about Nicole’s stepsons, the latest movie he thought she might enjoy, or the current football season, the more her mind drifted off to where she wanted them to go and how to get there. The scenarios she came up with became increasingly explicit, and she was in the middle of imagining Andy lifting her onto the table and having her for dessert, when the sound of her name drew her out of her fantasy.

“Sharon? Are you okay?”

Looking up from where she was absentmindedly poking at her food, she stared at him wide-eyed, feeling her cheeks burn with heat as the images from her daydream still lingered on her mind.

“I’m fine,” she replied, her voice deep and silky smooth.

“Is there a reason you’re blushing like that?”

There was a twinkle in his eyes as he aimed his cocky grin at her. Maybe she had underestimated him when she thought that he wouldn’t pick up on her plans for the night. It was now or never, she decided. Tugging her lower lip between her teeth and gazing up at him through lowered lashes, she abandoned her dessert and, elbows resting on the table, she leaned forward just enough to allow him a peek at what lay beneath her dress. She suppressed a smirk at his obvious interest in the change in scenery, allowing his reaction to stoke the fire that was already burning inside her.

“I’m not blushing,” she drawled. “I just had a very pleasant thought, that’s all.”

His eyes narrowed and he tilted his head slightly, his grin broadening as he leaned towards her, his own food forgotten.

“Oh yeah? Care to share?”

Sharon pretended to think about it for a little while, enjoying the growing tension between them. She slid her hand over the table, shivering when he took it in his, turning it over and running his thumb over the palm.

“Hmmm,” she finally responded, still holding his gaze, “I think I would rather show you.”

Slowly rising to her feet, she sauntered around the table, still holding his hand, until she stood next to him. She leaned down, bracing her free hand on the back of his chair, and trailed soft kisses along his jaw. “Come with me?” she whispered in his ear, delighting in his groan.

In a swift move that took her completely by surprise, Andy rose to his feet, grabbed her around the middle, and sat her down on the table, right next to his dessert bowl. Her shocked squeal was lost in his deep, passionate kiss, and she forgot all about wanting to berate him for risking to hurt his back when he stepped between her parted legs and drew her close.

“In a little while,” he mumbled against her lips before he started on a journey along her jaw and neck, nibbling at the sensitive skin, and making her moan.

As she leaned back, her hands planted behind her on the table, and her head thrown back, allowing Andy room for further exploration, Sharon realized that there had been no reason to worry, after all. They were definitely on the same page now.

#Major Crimes #major crimes fanfiction #MajorCrimes Shandy #sharon raydor x andy flynn #sharon raydor #sharon x andy #fanfic prompt

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mccoyyy · 3 years

Note

Bring historical accuracy to Carlisle's early life, pretty please 🥰

absolutely (and thank you @pandabooraccoon and the other two anons who asked something similar to this too I love you so much). I'm putting this under a read more cause, yeah

ok, to start of with I am nowhere near an expert, but this time period in history really fascinates me cause there was so much going on.

so Carlisle was born in 1640′s London, and at the time there was a shit tonne of religious and political upheaval going on. You had the Union of Crowns, disagreements over the Church systems, covenanting, Civil War and Cromwell, Executions and the removal and restoration of the Monarchy. Shit was mad. But I’m gonna start with Carlisle’s dad (I’m going to call him Abraham but full credit for that one goes to @panlight) cause I have so many thoughts

Abraham was a pastor in 1640. He most likely started working when he was breached and then took over as Pastor (Preacher) after his dad died. I’m going to say he was born around 1620, married in 1639ish and then Carlisle was born a year later. So he would be what, 20 when Carlisle was born.

First of the bat, there is no way that Abraham would still be alive and kicking when Carlisle was 23. The life expectancy back then was just under 40, so a 43 year old Abraham cutting about burning witches (and we’ll get to that in just a moment) just isn’t realistic but neither are vampires so oh well. In terms of religion if were being historically accurate, then Abraham would have most likely been an Anglican pastor as that was the dominant form of church in England at the time and he would have been fucked up by the mob/church/general public/all of the above for being anything else

However, it gets sticky when you bring in the idea of Puritanism. I firmly believe that Abraham would have loved Cromwell and puritanism (cause I like to headcanon him as an utter dick) but if were doing that then it creates a problem. If Abe was a devout Protestant Anglican, he would have believed in the divine right of kings (a monarch has no authority other than the word of god and therefore doesn't need to listen to anyone else) and therefore seen Charles I as the mouth of God, and had issues with the whole execution thing, so if Abe was a Puritan, then he would probably have to be a Presbyterian (dominant form of church in Scotland and also the parliamentarians) but again, this causes problems cause no one really liked Presbyterianism (understatement). It’s possible that he could have been influenced by Cromwell and switched from Anglicanism but religion back then was very different to what it was now, it took a lot to get people to change their ideas over faith (see the plague) so I’m gonna go out on a limb and blame Charles I who first started to undermine parliament and try to start Absolutism which lead Abe to change his loyalties. Either that or he supported Cromwell’s agenda but didn’t agree with execution which is the most likely option tbh.

With Abraham out of the way, we can now move on to our boy. Carlisle, the son of a pastor in 1640, there is no fucking way that this dude didn’t know the year/date he was born. Know why? cause dates were recorded by none other than the fucking church. aka his father. Carlisle is just bad with dates but that's ok buddy i guess that happens when your like 300. Secondly, his dad wouldn’t have raised him. It would have been left up to his mum, but cause she wasn't around he would have been raised by a wet nurse until he was breeched and entered the adult world at the ripe and grown up age of six (at least I think but I’m not 100% sure) when he would have started helping his father with sermons, and received an education of some form (probably a clerics education). Either way, he would have been helping his father at a very young age and exposed to so much shit

Back to Abraham for a wee second. Smeyer writes that he hunted down and burned vampires but again, this isn’t likely. Vampire hunters did exist but not in London. They were most common in Bulgarian/Serbian beliefs and even then they were very different to the modern idea of vampire hunters. And secondly, they wouldn’t have been burned! pyres weren’t used in the 1600s and instead would probably have been killed through hangings, torture or trials to determine whether they were a witch or not. So the good news is, Carlisle didn’t have to watch women being burned alive from the age of like six, he would only have to watch women being drowned, tortured, disembowelled, branded and hanged! and not just women accused of being witches, but most likely Catholics too!

We don’t know much about Carlisle’s life from his birth to his ‘death’, so I’m gonna take creative liberty and make some stuff up. London in the 1640s was utterly awful. It was dark, bleak, and really smelly. He was pretty lucky in terms of the plague cause the only major outbreaks occurred just before him and just after him (1603, 25 and 65) but there would have been the odd outbreak. I like to believe that Carlisle was an argumentative little shit and from the age of like 10 argued with his dad about literally everything. Canon says that Carlisle didn’t agree with his fathers particular brand of faith, so I’m going to go out on a limb and say that whilst he was still a protestant, and most likely Anglican, he probably followed an early form of religious tolerance at the least. Lutheranism didn’t reach England until around the enlightenment so I don't want to call him that but it was in existence in Germany at the same time so others had probably moved towards it a little, it just didn't have a name. His tolerance probably came from watching his father punish Catholics from the age of six, and their main argument as he got older was probably regarding tolerance of Catholicism. As much as I hate to say it, its low key unrealistic that Carlisle wasn’t married as a human so that would probably have been another point of contest between Carlisle and Abraham.

During Cromwell’s puritan reign was the most prominent witch-hunting years too, so if were being really nit-picky then Abraham would probably have only started hunting witches or at least started doing it a lot more frequently than he previously did round about here.

Cromwell died in 1658, and the monarchy was restored in England in 1660, but Carlisle’s dad most likely still followed puritan ideals and was not happy with the restoration period, and again, the revival of Christmas, theatre and fun was something that 20 year old Carlisle and Abraham would have disagreed over. Carlisle would have taken over a lot of his fathers duties round about this time, leading sermons and all that because Abraham should have been dead by now so I guess smeyer can have that one.

And now we get up to our boy’s final years. And this is like shooting still targets. Carlisle was hunting vampires in London sewers when he got bit, and then crawled into a potato cellar where he writhed in agony for 3-4 days. Firstly, sewers. The London sewage system wasn’t built for one or two hundred years. London was so fucking smelly. Like so much so that if it was sunny the house of commons/Westminster had to be evacuated cause the (literal) shite in the Thames would have warmed up and became especially pungent, and it was only when it started to affect MP’s that they though that maybe they should do something about it (which is probably another reason that super-senses-vampire Carlisle boosted to France as soon as possible). So he wouldn’t have been fighting vampires in sewage systems, but instead an alley, slums, or even along or near the Thames if you want to keep the sewage aspect.

After being bitten, it would have been pretty difficult for Carlisle to drag himself into a potato cellar because he’d be crawling for quite some time. Potatoes didn't become a staple crop in society for quite a while. They were about and people ate them, but were largely seen as food for the lower classes in society, and there certainly wouldn't have been cellars filled with them.

Also just as a little end note, plague devastated London 5 years after he was turned so literally my favourite headcanon to give Carlisle is that he blamed the outbreak on himself. Yes, he may have went along with the miasmic theory that Plague was caused by bad air instead of his fathers ‘divine punishment’ theories, but there’s nothing like a good bit of puritan guilt am I right? seeing and maybe helping with the plague (masks and so many herbs stuffed inside them would have blocked the smell of blood) is also what I like to think made Carlisle want to go into medicine.

And there you have it. A (sort of) accurate version of Carlisle’s and Abraham’s life. and again, disclaimer, I am nowhere near an expert, so there might be inaccuracies and mistakes here. But basically, smeyer please. Google is free.

#god im such a nerd #ive literally been waiting for this excuse lol #history is something im seriously interested in so pair that with immortal vampires living in different time periods and im in heaven #watch someone who actually is an expert come along like 'yeah your completely wrong lol'#ask #stregoni-benefici #carlisle cullen #twilight headcanon #twilight #twilight renaissance #rach rambles

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sylaar · 3 years

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sylar & gabriel ;

Some people believe that Sylar is a personality of Gabriel, that he has multiple personality disorder. It is also believed that his redemption arc at the end of the show is weak and out of character. However, that is not the case. They are the same person separated by Catholic upbringing and deep desire.

Gabriel was raised by Virginia Gray, whom he didn’t know was actually his aunt until late 20′s / early 30′s. Virginia was a hardcore Catholic and pushed those beliefs on Gabriel, like so many parents do with their children until they’re old enough to choose for themselves. Except Virginia never backed down and continued to not only push her beliefs on him, but to push other ideals.

As we see in S1, E21, The Hard Part, Virginia not only pushes Gabriel to be anything EXCEPT a watchmaker, she even goes as far as to say that he could be anything. Even President. Despite his pleas for Virginia to understand that he was happy. Not only does this solidify what he’s done, but pushes him to take Nathan’s place in the futuristic episode, Five Years Gone.

We also see in S1, E17, Six Months Ago, that Gabriel has, for a long time, wished that his family were different; that they weren’t really his family; that he was special. Not only does this show just how easy it was for Sylar to TAKE what would make him special, but it also gives some indication as to how long he’s had feelings of being someone else.

In S3, E8, Villains, we witness Gabriel attempt to kill himself due to the guilt of murdering Brian Davis, the Telekinetic. Despite having been raised Catholic and knowing that would immediately damn him to hell, Gabriel couldn’t handle the guilt and inability to obtain forgiveness from the person he’d wronged.

However, as he becomes more of this new version of himself, Sylar, he starts to go against the things he was raised to believe. He finally has the chance to be special and different, like Sylar mentioned to Chandra Suresh.

As time goes on and Sylar not only gains more abilities, but adds to the long list of kills, the serial killer begins to question if what he’s doing is worth it; if it’s what he really wants. He starts to think back on his Catholic roots and question who he is as a person.

In S3, E19, Shades of Gray & S3, E24, I am Sylar we witness his internal struggles. Finding his real father and gaining the ability to shapeshift made the serial killer start to truly question who he was for the first time. We see him worry about ending up like his dad, begin to see signs of his fear of being alone, and what these abilities are doing to him as a person; how they’re mentally changing him.

In S4, after Sylar’s mind and body reunite, he does 2 things; goes after Samuel and tries to make Angela pay for forcing his body to replace Nathan, whom he killed. Regardless of his unsuccessful attempts, Sylar goes back to the Sullivan Bros. carnival, where Lydia shows him his path; Claire.

Attempting to figure out who he is now, after all the murders and changes to who he is, Sylar seeks Claire out and, in Sylar fashion, “asks” for her help because of a tattoo Lydia ‘s ability gave him to show his desire. When she does, reluctantly, help the serial killer, he immediately seeks out someone whom he believes can help him become better; Matt.

While what Matt did wasn’t what Sylar had initially asked for, it did help him in the end to control his own hunger and ability.

I write all of this to say that given his past, it’s not out of character for Sylar to want to be good. While part of him still wants to be special and different, all of these experiences and knowledge have made him realize killing and taking other’s abilities isn’t going to make him those things. It’s what Sylar does with them that will ultimately decide HOW special he is.

However, despite his latest desire to actually be a hero and change his ways, Sylar’s true ability does come with a hunger for both knowledge and power. It takes practice, intent, and aspiration to control it. If one or all of those things are not met, he will revert to or alternate between his want to be special and his ability to control that hunger.

#( hc )#suicide tw #suicide mention tw #long post #long post for ts

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trash0receptacle · 3 years

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Stress pt. 2

(This is based on my personal issues and stuff more as a way to cope. I’m not romanticizing any of mental illness and my goal is not to offend anyone. I also feel I should put a warning so trigger warning for: Depression, Anixety, Mentions of Anorexia, and death.)

If you feel any like this may trigger you then feel free to skip it.

My dms are open but I don’t have notifications turned on however I’m fairly active on here. With that out of the way

With the statement left hanging in the air the atmosphere of the room turned serious. Mc gained a vacant and sad expression.

“What do you mean it happened before you got here?” Satan questioned

“Mc, you know you can trust us right?” Asked them avatar of envy

This got a chuckle out of Mc who uncharacteristically said

“Trust is bullshit.... everyone I’ve trusted has either lied to me, hurt me, or left me. Trust isn’t exactly something I believe in anymore.”

The brothers had never seen Mc speak with such bitterness and sadness. It was shocking coming from the human who acted like an angel.

“Mc, I-“ Lucifer tried to say but was cut off by mammon

“Mc who hurt ya” Mammon questioned very angrily

“It’s a long list”

Mammon just hugged Mc tighter while the others stared holes into Mc’s clouded eyes.

“I know if I say what happened I won’t be able to stop. If I tell you guys then I’ll end up telling you everything and it’s not your fault I’ve had a lot of shitty stuff happen to me.”

“Mc you don’t need to feel like your burdening us with your problems honey.” Asmo murmured

“If I tell you just promise me you guys won’t you know hurt people because I have a feeling you guys might get a little angry” Mc painfully laughed

All of the brothers nodded thinking Mc must have been exaggerating but where soon to find out they weren’t.

“Well let’s start when my childhood ended, when the person I never thought I could live without left, my aunt. The person I had to watch die and suffer for months unbeknownst to myself. When at 12 years old I stayed by her side every day because I didn’t want her to feel alone. The person who plagues my dreams and subconscious. Then in middle school how I was mocked for being “sad” about how I watched my life be torn apart in front of me. How my parents became stricter and distant quick to punish me for anything. How my tract record for being everyone’s therapist started. When I started telling people how they matter and shouldn’t off themselves. How I avoided my own internal demons by consoling others who would later hurt me. Then how all I became good for was advice and I had no one I could vent to not even my therapist. After that I started starving myself because I couldn’t bring myself to cut. My friends cut but I wouldn’t because I couldn’t let anyone know how broken I truly was. How I became horribly suicidal and almost committed suicide in 7th grade twice. Or how on my 13th birthday I was throwing up inside the restaurant bathroom and when o came out my parents shook me asking me if I did it on purpose. I still don’t know if I did or not. Then I got better. I was saved by my parents and my therapist however I was emotionally exhausted at this point. Then bam 8th grade happened. At this point because school had been easy for me I never had to try before and my grades plummeted so I stopped caring about school. My parents were always on my case about missing assignments and bad grades and everything. Not to mention when I tired to be kind to a girl getting bullied because I felt sympathy. I saw myself in her and told the other kids to knock it off. However I guess she took that as an insensitive to start harassing me and ultimately assaulting me for months. I was told I didn’t have a choice when I tried to stand up for myself so I disassociated. At the same time my only grandfather was diagnosed with a Brian tumor but the doctors were positive he would be okay. I had friends who were well connected because I went to catholic school so I was able to surprise my grandfather with being able to be on the field as his favorite football team warmed up. He got a signed football form the coach that he would keep in his family room next or his chair. However a month later he was put in hospice like my aunt. I couldn’t handle it so recently after the last time. But at least my aunt kept her personality unlike my grandfather who I had to watch be unable to care for himself and lose his memories. After that was blue well until my birthday that year which my dad forgot. Then my grandfather died a month later but I was unable to attend his funeral because of the coronavirus. How next I was almost put in the hospital for attempting to unalive and because I had starved myself to the point where I ate once a day. Then summer happened and I was happy again. My friends lifted my spirit but then they all got in relationships and didn’t need me anymore. So I became in their eyes a lying and narcissistic bitch. I was told I was fat and awful by them. And then I got okay again but still didn’t trust people and we arrive in the present. Oh well I forgot to mention my parents disowned me but that’s a another story.”

Mammon started to cry and hold Mc just wanting to feel like they could protect them. He knew Mc had been through a lot but to this extent he had no idea. He felt so angry that people did this to his human.He felt guilt for calling Mc a stupid human knowing it probably hurt mc.

Levi went over to Mc and hugged them from behind. He wasn’t the most affectionate person but he wanted to confirm they were here. He never wanted his Henry to feel like they didn’t matter. He felt guilty about telling them to die in arguments where his anger to the better of him.

Satan just sat there unsure of what to do or say. What could he say “hey I’m sorry you got assaulted?” His wrath wanted to destroy the people who did this to Mc but Mc seemed to believe it was their fault. They also seemed like they don’t want violence.

Asmo just sat next to Mc like Levi wanting to confirm they were there. He felt so bad about being so flirty and touchy now knowing why Mc seemed to be so modest. He wished he’d known because looking back in it he probably brought memories back mc wanted to forget.

Beel for once didn’t feel hungry so he left to go to the kitchen not for himself but for Mc. Mc said they used to starve themselves? This is why the offer him their food. He felt shameful for eating it knowing the truth now.

Belphie just put his head on mc’s lap. They let him do it before so he figured it was fine. Even with all of Mc’s personal stuff they still wanted to help him. He wouldn’t let Mc feel like that again.

Lucifer was shell shocked. His pride wouldn’t let him show emotion so he left. He went to his office to find Mc’s file. None of this was in it. He talked to Diavolo informing him of the sudden “update”. He wanted to talk to Mc privately but figured he’d need to wait.

Mc felt guilty. “I knew I shouldn’t have said anything” “look now they hate you”. They really couldn’t handle all of this right now and asked for some space to think. Much to the brothers dismay they left knowing if Mc truly wanted to be alone they would be able to use their pact.

Lucifer however didn’t have a pact with Mc so he didn’t have to listen. Knowing they would be alone he asked them to come to his study.

When they arrived he just held mc.

Note: Yeah I didn’t know how to finish and I’m a little sick so please don’t be that critical. And I’m alright now I just know that a lot of people (myself included) find comfort or something similar when reading angst. It can help them with their issues etc. Anyway have a wonderful day or night loves

- Caroilne

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popsiclemania · 3 years

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My 2020 in K dramas (+1 J drama)

I began watching k-dramas in 2018 but I’ve never watched as many shows, Korean or otherwise, as I have in this one. 2020 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. I think what helps me really enjoy this over Bollywood+Malayalam+ American pop culture I grew up with is that a smirk on the wrong character’s face doesn’t make me seethe with rage and want to burn everything down. It’s not like growing up with SRK on screen and then having SRK wannabes leave you with lifelong trauma in reality. I can just move on. It’s removed enough from my everyday life but still familiar in a generic Asian family way. Does that make sense? It’s not perfect and it’s not free of its own harmful stereotypes and narratives, but there’s enough of the good stuff to make you stick around. This year I fell in love with Nana, Kim Hye Soo, Han Yeri, Park Eun bin, Ahn Eun jin, Kim Bum, Kim Yong ji, Flower Boy’s Go Dok Mi and Search:WWW’s Bae Tami. Cancelled Ji Chang wook (bye). Desperately missed Kim Jae Wook. Had thoughts on Hwang In Yeop, which were mostly heart eyes. Discovered J dramas and fell in love with Cherry Magic’s Adachi.

My year-in-review below:

LOVED

Into The Ring - I am so glad I saved this for a rainy day because it’s exactly the kind of upright citizen shenanigans my unemployed ass needed at the end of the year.

Goo Se Ra thinks the govt should work for the people but that doesn’t mean her own moral compass always points north. Her purpose is to make steady money, and I love seeing her go hard to survive and cobble together what she needs. The thing that really works for me is that she wants to be good, but she isn’t always. And you get to see her be disappointed, upset, embarrassed and hurt from being publicly kicked in the gut as she navigates a job where she appears, on the surface, to be a supremely confident, self-serving, accidental politician. What you see as her naiveté is mostly just her being a regular person in an environment dictated by backhand deals and rich people politics. She gets hit again and again, and you see what it does to her sense of worth to get back up again, how she grapples with her self. And through all this the show is funny?! Se Ra is what writers of manic pixie characters think they are doing and not doing at all. Love her friends, and Jang Hye-jin is *chef’s kiss*!

Hyena - Kim Hye Soo’s Jung Geum Ja is perhaps Se Ra’s older and darker contemporary. Geum Ja is a survivor and will get what she wants and where she wants to, however many hells she has to cross. She’s single-minded about her success, ruthless and has no qualms about bending morals to get the outcome she needs. She’ll never compromise on who she is or justify how she lives, can build people up and also tear them down, but she also knows care and kindness.

I turned to Signal for more Kim Hye Soo but was disappointed in how the first few episodes seemed to shortchange her. May try again in 2021.

(Highly recommend @saltr0se’s fic series which just GETS Geum Ja so well. Fic writers are the best)

Search: WWW (Finished in 2020) - It took me half a year to finish this. I started watching Search in Oct 2019 and raced through the first 6 episodes because I couldn’t take my eyes off the rollercoaster of Bae Tami’s life. And then I had to take a break because it was a little too close to the frenetic pace of my own industry. As @drivingsideways wrote, a lot of Search is premised around ‘patriarchy? who dat?’, which is why watching its politics play out is so fascinating. It’s also deliciously turmoil-y to watch a very clear-sighted, weathered Tami put on rose-tinted glasses for her romance and then frequently peer over them to evaluate whether it could actually meld into her life.

Catch The Ghost - Kim Seonho oozes charm and perhaps Startup was a showcase of how effectively he can be a typical male lead. But Catch is exactly not that. Go Jiseok and Yoo Ryeong have moulded their lives around to meet their most desperate wishes in life and in the process also left parts of themselves untended. There is guilt, pain and need. Now guess who will tend to whose wounds? Their dynamic is electric even when the central mystery flags towards the last few episodes of the show. I really hope Moon Geun Young is doing well and gets more amazing roles soon. She is so good here.

(Highly recommend @melonatures‘s fic for putting that sizzling on-screen chemistry into words. HOW?!) Cherry Magic - Stories about painfully awkward people are my jam and Eiji Akaso gets Adachi’s shy, nervy energy so right. Cherry Magic is straight up just 12 hours of 🥺🥺🥺.

Stranger/Secret Forest - I’ve been devouring the entirety of Agatha Christie’s work this year after Stranger reminded me how comforting murder mysteries can be. I love Bae Doona. I also love characters who don’t get social norms, not always because they are out to flout them but because that’s just not how their mind/brain works. (have to watch S2)

Flower Boy Next Door - Honestly, the opening scene introducing Park Shin Hye’s character Go Deok Mi sold me on this immediately. An introverted, penny pinching copy editor living alone and working from home thanks to extreme social anxiety? Love. All the side characters are a lot of fun and I’ve never loved Kim Seulgi and Go Kyung Pyo more. It’s a warm show, slowly rounding off the sharp edges of every character.

JUST FUN

The Spies Who Loved Me - It’s been a year of disappointing rom-coms and Spies kind of quietly turned it around for me. I want to be the fly on Yoo In Na’s wall as she figures how to play her characters. I’ve only seen her in 3 roles but somehow she always manages to be in character arcs that don’t short change her. Spies could’ve been and sometimes is the regular heterosexual fare, but In Na ups the ante over and over again, coming out on top as the smartest person in the room.

ENJOYED WITH *RESERVATIONS*

I have to watch A Piece Of Your Mind again because I don’t understand how Jung Hae In and Chae Soo bin built SO MUCH warmth and crackling chemistry with barely a kiss. I was iffy about how the whole AI thing started off and the tortured musician plotline (angsty male artists will forever be an eyeroll for me).

Park Min Young is a queen who never disappoints and When The Weather Is Nice is everything you want in a winter romance. My reservation was in how they explore so much of domestic abuse and the complex ways its traumatised the women in this family. I’m ok with the characters having imperfect ways of processing and understanding the violence, I welcome it. I’m not ok with the show dancing around whether the pivotal crime was justified/ self defence (it was).

A lot of dramas did this. I loved Han Yeri and Choo Ja Hyun in My Unfamiliar Family, I didn’t like the free pass the show gave their dad’s abusive character.

Hwang Jung Eum’s comedy style is generally not my thing but she was pretty great in Mystic Pop-UP Bar. But I’m side-eyeing the sanctity surrounding motherhood. Maybe I should read more about babies and Korean folklore.

Hospital Playlist was my comfort watch through June and July. I think its wholesomeness and non-plot writing came at a good time for me. But I noticed then that the throughline for all main characters was moral superiority and hence what I then saw as *wholesomeness*. It’s kind of what makes it a grating rewatch in parts. Plus the real life of misogyny of Yoo Yeon Seok makes me want to push his angelic catholic character off a cliff. (For context, i was raised catholic). I want to continue loving Chae Song Hwa, and for that the showrunners need to stop cornering her with overbearing romantic interests (let that woman breathe! she literally ran away to another city!)

Hospital is good at creating moments of comfort, so much so that I went to watch Reply 1988 after it, but had to drop it coz I couldn’t get into it. Maybe I’ll come back to it next year.

Once Again is what I call joint family propaganda. What it does well is lay bare the mechanics of living in a society that prizes the heterosexual family structure, the loops you have to jump through to hide when you break its rules and what happens when you are found out. I love the characters, their fights, their frustrations. I just don’t love the validation of joint families. (context: i grew up in an oppressive joint family lol). In my au, Nahee and Gyujin don’t get married again or immediately have children, but take the long route to figuring out how to love the person the other is. Gahee is openly dating Hyo shin and her parents have to figure out how to process her success and her romance. Young dal and Ok boon have to learn to stop dictating their children’s lives. Joon sun runs his company from home, so his wife Hyun kyung can work on what she wants. Choyeon, Joori and Ga-yeon go back to being flamboyant AF and the market learns to not judge. Gyujin and Jaesok have to actually work on the relationship with their mother and what sent her into depression. Just a lot of learning involved.

Just Between Lovers was a nice watch, i just don’t get how Kang doo and Ha Moon So’s relationship will survive his constantly simmering anger.

Crash Landing on You was so much fun until the main romance turned angsty, but it gave us North Korean soldier shenanigans and the epic romance of Seo Dan and Alberto Gu that we needed more of.

Tale of The Nine Tailed is probably what Goblin wished it was. I, however, will never be over Lee Rang. (Also, when can gods stop meeting their love interests as babies? Asking for my sanity)

I literally ignored everything in Oh My Ghost except Park Bo Young and Kim Seulgi and it was amazing.

NOPE

Goblin, Dinner Mate, Oh My Baby and My Secret Romance were a whole lot of NO, NAHI, ILLAAA.

I loved hate-watching The King:Eternal Monarch with the rest of k drama tumblr but someone please take away Kim Eun-sook’s access to gigantic budgets and all-star casts.

It was painful to watch Do You Like Brahms squander away its potential but I’m glad to be introduced to Park Eun bin. Age of Youth is next on watchlist.

More than Friends to me is only Ahn Eun jin. Someone give her amazing lead roles asap.

Why did Record of Youth do that to Park So Dam and her clothes? Just why

WANTED TO WATCH, BUT COULDN’T BECAUSE *INTENSE*

World Of The Married, It’s Okay Not To Be Okay, Sweet Home, Extracurricular, Penthouse, Flower of Evil, Lie After Lie

WILL WATCH NEXT YEAR

SF8, Stove League, Birth Care Centre but I’ll start the new year with School Nurse Files coz it looks very good.

#long post #kdramas #review #2020 #A DECADE #Goo Sera’s and Yoo Ryeong’s are the kinds of stories I wish I’d watched through my late teens/early 20s #Jung Geum Ja and Bae Tami are who I’m taking into my thirties.

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rae-arts777 · 3 years

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I want to talk about my religious trauma

I just want to tell my story, I know mine is minor, I know there’s worst out there, but I’m hoping maybe mine cause reach out to anyone experiencing the same so they feel less alone

Let’s start way back

Edit: (sorry I should have put this earlier) TW: slight sexual assault, self harm, suicide mention

Growing up a christian adventist, I knew Friday night to Saturday was worship. No electronics or TV unless it was veggie tales, or a Bible cartoon, and church Saturday.

Of course I acted out a bit, and would get scolded for not staying still. My mother however wasn’t upset at me for ruining church, just upset I wasn’t behaving and granted don’t blame her cause I was a brat lol. I would get in more trouble if I went with my grandma. I was “disrespecting the lord in his house” and well...I mean it’s hard for a child to sit still for 8 hours wearing a dress and shoes that made me itchy and gave me blisters

Now church was fun in some sense. Got to see my friends, food after services, I loved being able to help in the kitchen and help the elders as well.

Good right?

Well...as a child, we think what we know if right. I thought the way we had church was common to everyone. When I started school, it was different for me. I asked “why do my friends go to church on Sunday?” My grandma told me “they just don’t know the proper way, it’s your duty to tell them”

I remember...being really horrible towards a kid who’s family was an atheist. We were still friends, but I will tell him “you’re trusting the devil”. My words never seem to hurt him since he laughed them off, but I never stopped...I look back and have so much guilt. So much guilt towards others too since I tried to tell them church was Saturday’s, and going on Sunday was wrong. I think about how horrible I was, cause my religion never taught me to be accepting to others beliefs, it taught me that it’s my duty to turn others to the right way. And that makes me upset. If my religion was the religion of “accepting everyone no matter what” then why is every one else’s religion the work of the devil? And why are baptism, also who was Christians, deem “evil” like Catholics in our religion.

Middle school. I started attending the church school. Hell

I didn’t like our new pastor, something about the way he said things just...didn’t stick. His kids were a nightmare. They torment everyone. Got teachers fired they didn’t like. And went crying to their parents if they didn’t get their way. No they were not toddlers. They were teens. One got in between my old best friend and I, and since then her and I were never the same.

Because I liked art and anime...I was the weird kid, so they constantly picked on me. Pastor kids telling me certain kids here didn’t deserve to be made by god. That god made a mistake. I told them to stop, but they would go “you just don’t know. It’s hard for us!!! We don’t mean what we say!” And looking and writing this now, that was the first gaslighting and toxic friendships I experience.

It made me more mad the pastor told the whole church that his kids were perfect children. And they set an example of how all the kids in the church could act. That pastor family was just horrible. Lies, manipulation, just rude. He would make side remarks about my mum’s blonde dye hair. He would say something to my mum if I wore pants or a leather jacket to church. Just the way he said things, made my mum feel like she was a horrible parent. They made side comments when my dad would finally show up.

“I’m sorry my dad wasn’t constantly gone, he’s was too busy fighting for our country.” Is what they would want us to say.

Church become a chore. Not a joy. And when we got a new pastor, one I started to connect with, we moved away and in with my grandma

Now highschool. This is where I started drifting away from religion. I love my grandma..I really do ...but she’s so extreme. The Bible this. The Bible that. I can’t have a normal conversation without her being up the Bible. Can’t watch a movie, show, or listen to music that’s not Christian without her bringing up the Bible or turning it into a Bible lesson. I hated going to church. I hated hearing “repent. The world is ending soon”

Hearing constant that our young generation is filled with the devil, feeling all the eyes of the elders on me as I’m trying to comfort someone’s child so they can enjoy church peacefully

Hearing anyone experiencing love towards the same gender is the devil’s working

That everything I like is filled with the devil

My grandma start forcing religion worst and worst down my throat. Saying I have to be prepare. I need to make my choice. Don’t I want to be in heaven with everyone? I need to give myself to god

I won’t see my family members who passed away Catholic.

That I need to tell my other side of the family who’s Catholic the right way

The news comes on....hearing the Bible says this the Bible says that

Trying to defend trump with the Bible

This pandemic is the first plague, the world will end soon

The studies getting more and more. I can’t even read the Bible just to study out of joy cause I feel like someone is breathing down my neck.

I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.

And then I’m introduce the rotten apples of my religion.

We shouldn’t wear mask it’s God’s air

Only having faith is god will keep you from getting sick and heal you

Ever remember of LGBT is going to hell

Woman who abortion are going to hell

People will tattoos go to hell

People who don’t read the Bible everyday are going to hell

People who want to make this religion more open and accepting, are hearing the devil and are going to hell

People who kill themselves are going to hell

Mental illness isn’t real; it’s just the devil and you just have to be happy cause you have god.

I told my mom I can’t do it anymore, I just can’t, it’s more forced down on me too much. If the world is ending what’s the point? What’s the point of college? What’s the point of life? What’s the point of looking for love?! Cause I’ve been told so many times my own children won’t ever get to adult or teen hood cause the world will end! What’s the point. I’m so grateful to have a mother who understands..

And it pisses me out with these Christian movies. A boy is about to kill himself, and is getting told “you’ll go to hell! You really want that?! To go to hell?!” Why are you showing this?! That’s a last thing a suicidal person needs to hear. They don’t need a fucking Bible lesson, they need comfort!!! As a person who’s tried drowning, choking, and harming themselves, I fucking know I wouldn’t want someone to find me and say “you’re going to hell for that!”

And then you have those horrible people who think just cause they are religious that it gives them a right to be a shitty person. My grandma would fucking forgive a murder if they came out as Christian.

I told my grandma once “I do want to be more involved with the church, I want to give a sermon” and she told me “you can give a small one, not a full one, god did not use women to preach, he used men. I rather you do the children’s story”

.......

The Vice President...some Christians hate her cause “god didn’t intend for women to lead, if he did his apostles would have been women”

my grandma says “she slept her way to the top!” But oh! She didn’t mind if trump, a man who’s assaulted god knows how many women was in office...

Forgive everyone....you’re suppose to forgive abusers..my bullies....I was told to forgive them even if they never said sorry..cause god wants us to forgive

I allowed..a boy to convince me to do things...cause men always knew what was right...it was ok as long as we didn’t have sex...and it was ok...cause he was a Christian boy...

I just try to be a good human...I have sickenly forgave so many people who’ve hurt me....and now...I’m the pushover...

But what I did was wrong...

I’ve just....drifted away slowly...my grandma has sort of stop trying, maybe cause I’m an adult so I can make my own choices..maybe my mum told her something...

But the things she says makes me feel ashame for being Christian....

For the longest time I thought we were perfect people...now that I’m older...I see we’re just as bad..if not worst...

It makes me so sick...just thinking..how I forgave people who HURT ME cause ...if I can’t forgive, then God doesnt want me.

If god really wants all of his “children” then why if it when we says “I don’t want to forgive the person who gave me this trauma” then it’s “i forgave you why can’t you forgive them? It’s so simple, you really can’t do something that simple? Guess you don’t want to go to heaven”

I’m so done

I’m so tired..

I have a headache and started crying a bit while writing this and there’s so much more. But my wrist hurts and just...I want to scream.

But for the majority...that’s my religious trauma.

I’m not hoping to gain anything, just to reach to anyone else who’s going through the same emotions...you’re not alone ok?

#talk #Rae talks #serious talk #religious trauma #that’s my story #ex christian

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morsking · 4 years

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i was told to come here for fate zero kotomine kirei questions? i was thinking about kirei in f/z and realized i don't think i actually completely understood his arc and specifically how it relates to his spirituality/belief in God? can you explain to me what happened to this strange knife-throwing man

i’d be VERY happy to, i love talking about kirei even if i don’t do it very often.

this is something that becomes a little more clear later on in heaven’s feel but the gist of it is that kirei has an inexplicably sadistic nature he does not understand where it comes from or why he has it. for the majority of fate/zero’s first part, he doesn’t even know it exists until gilgamesh slowly draws it out of him by making him deconstruct his own thought process and personal beliefs.

kirei was raised catholic and had a priest for a father, so kirei had catholic teachings of altruism and asceticism hammered into his young brain on top of risei’s, his father’s, expectations and desires for kirei to be “pure and beautiful”, just like kirei’s name suggests.

kirei, however, secretly felt repressed by those teachings and expectations since forsaking personal happiness and helping others never brought him any joy, and because he never felt any joy in helping others, he reasoned that joy and pleasure were sinful indulgences that a believer, much less a priest, should never partake in. he therefore internalized displeasure and complete emotional detachment as a natural and righteous state of life. this, coupled with the catholic belief that selflessness in life would mean salvation in death, resulted in kirei becoming far too guilty to ever chase after pleasure because doing so would mean betraying not just the faith in his Lord, but also all the hard work and love his father had put into raising him as a pure and beautiful person. kirei respected his father’s ideal and tried his best to live up to it, but fundamentally could not understand it, and he could not love the man it belonged to. in response to these emotions, kirei resorted to grievous and deadly methods of self-harm to keep himself walking the righteous path.

nevertheless, kirei could not contain his curiosity (and unbeknownst to him, his yearning) for pleasure and travelled the world attempting to find meaning and enjoyment in different activities. he graduated top of his class, skipped grades as an exceptional student, worked diligently as an executor, and even ate some of the most exquisite delicacies known to man... and found them all tasteless and unfulfilling. kirei was a truly hopeless individual with no direction or sense of self and personhood. he had failed to find meaning in basic, and even some luxurious, delights every human being desires to experience.

in a desperate, final gambit to connect with the inner humanity he lacked his entire life, kirei attempted to fall in love with a woman called claudia ortensia. claudia was terminally ill, and was not expected to live for much longer. while she did love him, he could not bring himself to reciprocate despite his best efforts. they were together for two years and had a child, caren, out of wedlock. throughout his time with claudia kirei could only find salvation in claudia’s suffering. but claudia, an incorregible saint, was willing to suffer if it meant bringing him joy and salvation. claudia slowly died, and soon enough her time was at hand. kirei believed that as her husband it was his duty to at least say his farewells on her deathbed. as claudia lay dying, kirei relayed the simple fact to claudia that after all their time together, he did not love her. to prove him wrong and save him, she disconnected her life support machine. kirei cried at the sight of wife selflessly dying to save him, and claudia, with her fading strength, told him that those tears were proof that he did love her, and that love is proof of his humanity.

unbeknownst to either of them, the true reason kirei cried was because he didn’t get to kill her himself.

kirei handed over his child to the church. if marriage did not save him, parenthood wouldn’t either. kirei contemplated suicide, but instead opted to return to his teachings and live as an executor, craving even the most artificial of purpose to justify his existence.

we then reach fate/zero. kirei is at his lowest emotional point, and sensing the pit in his soul yearning for purpose, the grail bestows him with command spells. kotomine risei contacts his ally tohsaka tokiomi, and takes kirei under his wing as an apprentice in magecraft.

kirei is a natural prodigy at magecraft, and is able to almost master every single discipline before abandoning it in frustration at his failure to find fulfillment and joy in it. (interestingly enough, he has a particularly high affinity for spiritual healing and surgery.) while kirei intends to follow tokiomi and risei’s orders to crown tokiomi as the victor of the grail war, he secretly begrudges being a bored pawn with no freedom and bears no actual loyalty to either of them.

in the world’s most bizarre boy-meets-girl scenario in the history of anime, kotomine kirei learns of emiya kiritsugu. kiritsugu is a mercenary employed by the einzberns to participate in the holy grail war. he has fought in countless battlefields, only joining the fight when combat is at its fiercest. he has killed scores upon scores of mages who deviate from the clocktower’s rules, and has been reported to have taken extreme measures in his assassinations such as bringing down an entire commercial airline just because his target was in it. kirei is mystified by kiritsugu’s lack of moral restraint, personhood, and regard for his own life. kirei immediately projects his own lack of self into kiritsugu and is desperate to understand him. he vows to meet kiritsugu in battle to finally grasp the answer to the question that is his existence.

as he attempts to meet kiritsugu throughout the story, kirei is approached by gilgamesh, the world’s most ancient hedonist. gilgamesh senses that kirei is repressing a fundamental part of himself, and that’s the true source of kirei’s unhappiness. gilgamesh attempts to make kirei realize that kirei has never lacked anything, he’s just tried to avert his gaze from the truth of his own nature. gilgamesh tells kirei that pleasure and joy aren’t things that are inherently sinful. human beings instinctively seek pleasure as and end in and of itself, and kirei is no different. because pleasure is a natural human drive, it can never be something unforgivable. to drive his point further, gilgamesh asks kirei that if he can’t see himself winning, then he should try to imagine a scenario where the war’s weakest combatant, matou kariya, does.

kirei does try, but before he can tell kirei what he envisions, gilgamesh stops him. gilgamesh reveals that there was no point to engaging in speculation when kirei asks if there was one, but the fact kirei did anyway shows he found a meaningless notion entertaining, and therefore, fulfilling. this comes to a head when kirei decides to heal kariya’s burn wounds after his confrontation with tokiomi. kirei experiences a rush he’s never felt before. he hasn’t just helped kariya stay in the race for the grail out of his own volition, he has done it against his master’s orders and best interests.

when risei is killed by kayneth, kirei finds his grief to be oddly forced and empty. surely, he must be devastated at the death of his father, the man who loved him, raised him, taught him, and made him who he is today. but strangely, his grief seems to be directed at something else. that’s when gilgamesh appears to him and tells him the reason why he’s sad isn’t that his father died, but that kirei didn’t get to kill him himself. this shocks kirei to his core, but he’s also forced to entertain that notion. once he realizes that gilgamesh IS right about what kirei really wanted out of his father, he’s ordered by tokiomi to leave japan and exit the war as demanded by irisviel if an alliance between the tohsakas and the einzberns against the matous is to take place. kirei secretly meets with gilgamesh, who is bored and frustrated with tokiomi, and they agree to partner up and kill tokiomi. kirei realizes that there was a satisfaction in killing tokiomi and having the last thing he ever saw be kirei betraying him and asserting his personal desire over his obligation to his teacher.

kirei, now fully committed to discovering what he yearns for the most, tells kariya he will allow him to duel tokiomi once more in exchange for bringing him the container of the holy grail and the person closest to kiritsugu: irisviel. unbeknownst to kariya, tokiomi’s wife aoi has been summoned to the church by kirei. kariya finds tokiomi already dead, and aoi walks into kariya holding tokiomi’s corpse. aoi believes kariya has killed tokiomi, and angrily accuses kariya of never having loved anyone. kariya reaches the breaking point of his rage and suffering after being rejected by aoi, the person he was enduring torture and humiliation for, and asphyxiates her in madness. realizing what he’s done, kariya runs away from the church wailing in grief and guilt. kirei and gilgamesh had watched the whole affair, and kirei realizes that what he finds meaning and pleasure in is inflicting suffering upon others and watch them collapse under the crosses struggles they carry. while he does not understand why he is this way, he nevertheless wants to find out to feel complete and intends to use the grail for that purpose.

kirei meets with irisviel, and demands answers for his questions about emiya kiritsugu. irisviel reveals kiritsugu is not the heartless killing machine kirei believed him to be, but fundamentally an altruist who wishes to shower the world in peace and blessings and seeks the grail for that purpose. she condescends kirei by telling him kiritsugu is not like him, he is far better and that’s why kiritsugu will not lose. finally understanding the man whose nature has eluded him and finding where kirei’s karma stands in relation to him, kirei kills irisviel and vows to destroy kiritsugu’s dream with his own hands.

when kiritsugu and kirei fight and the grail interferes by crowning kiritsugu the winner rather than reach a stalemate, kirei watches kiritsugu speaking with angra mainyu. he observes kiritsugu realizing that what he wanted all along was to live peacefully with his family even if it meant forsaking the world to a violent extinction. he is baffled at kiritsugu rejecting the cursed genocidal grail, and demands kiritsugu to hand it over if he doesn’t want it, because kirei has the need to find the defining principle of his own existence. after kiritsugu kills kirei and has saber destroy the grail, the curses that spill out of it engulf kirei’s corpse and resuscitate him. angra mainyu has declared kirei as the winner for the sake of using him as an anchor and a midwife for his eventual birth.

upon seeing angra mainyu’s catastrophe, kirei concludes that the calamity he is standing over is what his heart has yearned for all this time. he laughs in shock, irony, and glee that despite kotomine risei’s righteous nature and teachings, kirei is simply a monstrous and heretical cur who thrives in the agony of mankind. when gilgamesh asks if the sight of angra mainyu’s birth has satisfied him, kirei replies that it doesn’t, because kirei has been shown the end result of his desire rather than the actual philosophical principle and logical process that guides to the outcome. so for the next 10 years, kirei wrestles with the fact that he still cannot abandon his teachings and his obligation to be somewhat helpful as a priest for the desire to reject and challenge god and allow angra mainyu to fully manifest in this world and engulf it completely to finally give his existence meaning and validity because he knows his impulses to be wrong and yet needs to know why he has them and whether he is still worthy of living while having them. he is willing to manipulate and kill and betray and curse and deprive and destroy the world just for that chance at redeeming his existence because not understanding himself and having denied himself joy for so long has utterly broken him as a person and this is all he has left after a lifetime of denying himself happiness, empathy, and understanding to work through his feelings. to bless angra mainyu’s birth as a man of the cloth would reconcile his religious principles and belief in a merciful all-loving god with his yearning to accept and comprehend himself, because if angra mainyu can be allowed to live and prosper in this world while being the unforgivable culmination of all sin, then maybe he can too. (this is also a powerful and intimate parallel to both shirou and sakura that deserves its own post that i may or may not write later.)

that’s pretty much his development throughout zero and his defining character struggle in fate/stay night. this is something that spring song will delve into further and it’s actually quite interesting how such a bastard of a man suddenly becomes so sympathetic towards the end of the entire game.

grace if you ever have time for it i heavily encourage you to read through the heaven’s feel route whether through letsplayarchive or by playing realta nua yourself whilst we wait for a spring song release in the west because your perception of everyone will change drastically as you understand them at a much deeper level the movies could not show because of runtime constraints. i hope this explanation wasn’t too long or convoluted or raised more questions than delivered answers. three good friends of mine, thessaliah, kurozu501, and avicebro here on tumblr can probably elaborate further and offer more insight if you’re interested.

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cassyapper · 3 years

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thank u for the wheel umm can i order 1 discussion of the religious symbolisms in jojos cuz it’s my FAV thing ever

OMG YES YOU MAY OMG OMG OMG IM SO HONORED 😭

heads up this will b messy i’ll do my best to organize However, i will not be great at it,

also this will have heavy jojo spoilers for all parts probably so um. </3 tread carefully

also this got kinda rambly so here’s a cut <3

- romulus vs remus just makes me think of dio vs jonathan. two brothers raised by the same parent and yet one still kills the other in the end in order to achieve what he believes will be greatness - jonathan is a martyrrr his death is exactly like jesus’ in the sense that he could be angry in his final moments but he isn't, and he instead forgives the very thing that’s making him die (jesus with humanity and jonathan with dio) - feel like dio has some judas stuff going on. in his attempt to be happy he betrays and hurts the jesus figures (jonathan and jotaro) in his life but all this does make him even more unsatisfied and results in his death - also jonathan as achilles, doomed to be great but die young, and zepelli as chiron, his wise and older teacher. yeah - caesar “italian catholic guilt” zeppeli is crushed by a cross that is literally how he dies. </3. there’s a lot u can draw from this to add to caesar’s character arc but the symbolism by itself is just sad. caesar died bc of his own devotion - odysseus and jotaro relate in the sense that both are on such long and perilous journies.......jotaro obv with part 3 but this continues cause he’s never home really which is why his life with his wife and daughter falls apart 🙃 so. - the jotaro and perseus parallels drive me nuts. kill a devil to save his mom. fuck - jotaro and jolyne both have heavy jesus allusion. the conflicts they both face are not the result of their own actions, but the result of their forefathers’ and yet they are sent to clean up the mess. this is the same as jesus being sent as god’s son to cleanse humanity. like jesus, they both had to sacrifice their lives for this cause, just in different ways (jotaro has to devote the rest of his life while jolyne has to end hers early) - polnareff and his stairs scenes with dio and diavolo,,just the set up of the scenes r rlly blatant in their symbolism cause he’s walking UP the stairs when facing dio (god) while he’s looking DOWN the stairs when facing diavolo (the devil). also this can be added to an interesting implication for polnareff’s character cause he never makes it to dio/god and heaven, but diavolo/the devil and hell make it up to him.........just thinking - something something lazarus and avdol something something lazarus and okuyasu something something - kira gives me narcissus vibes cause like his downfall is directly related to his overconfidence in himself which is similar to narcissus - giorno also has jesus vibes cause he’s LITERALLY the son of DIO (GOD!!). and he creates LIFE. it’s literally HIS STAND POWER THAT’S MIRACLE SHIT RIGHT THERE AND THAT IS THE SAME! AS JESUS. - hephaestus being discarded by his parents but still rising up to be one of the 12 most powerful gods gives me big giorno vibes - something something something apollo and hyacinth and abbacchio and bruno - OBVIOUSLY johnny’s whole arc like r u serious? but i think johnny’s more like the lost son than jesus ironically, cause johnny’s whole arc starts with losing himself and who he self-worth and what he values, and then it hones in on his path to rekindling his identity, which is most in line with the lost son parable than anything else. the “loving father” in this case though is not johnny’s actual father but gyro/a crumb of self-esteem JDN;ED[HEO;JD-= - hot “western european catholic guilt” pants being a nun and feeling eternal regret over sacrificing her brother also has saint peter vibes cause saint peter did betray jesus once but he felt so bad abt it and spends the rest of his life devoted to making it right which hot pants does for her brother - the rokakakas in part 8 are just the miracle figs jesus made with a twist that’s literally it im. that’s it <3 - it’s not symbolism exactly but there’s a lot of greek/roman imagery esp in parts 2 and 5 and i think that’s worth noting. ik the majority/all the part takes place in Italy so..duh but it’s!! it’s fitting. jojo draws a lot of its style from roman/greek influences

im sure there’s some shinto symbolism but unfortunately idk enough about shintoism to make the connections 😔 but this is what’s at the top of my head HHH thank u so much once again for asking bro

#im so honored u were interested enough to ask omg #i hope i answered well #jjba #cass cries #jojo spoilers #fugios

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