#drew this drunk at the function lol

[mawlancholic]

raaaaah hes soooo nervous in pictures but its ok ,, i cant wait to get back to the beach this year

⛱️

give me a treat or commission me :3c

#mawlancholic #drew this drunk at the function lol #puppydog #floatie #pooltoy #pikachu #ocean #beach #furry #anthro #art #furry art #fursona #emo #trans #transmasc

[dracoandthehounds]

🎨

🧩

🎨 link your favorite piece of fanart and why you like it

Okay so my favorite piece of fanart is (obviously) the fanart that artsaveo-o drew (@artsaveo-o) for Draco Malfoy and the Fall of Icarus 😭😭😭😭😭. Because I STILL can't get over the fact that someone drew fanart for the fic I'm writing!!!!!!!!! Have you all seen this???? Nell depicted in art :'''''')))) there are no words.

But.... to pick an art that isn't related to something I've written lmao.... (also... I am horrible at picking favorites, so here is one I just really really like so much)

I think this one by @tnxgodimginger just really speaks to how I see Draco and Harry in my head, especially with how their expressions were depicted. I like Draco looking a lil love-drunk lmao and I feel like it really comes across in this piece!

🧩 what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately

this is a good question!!! Also a hard one lol. There's not very much that will prevent me from giving something a try. I like to challenge my own interests and likes, and try to see if I end up liking something that I thought I wouldn't. I also read the tags pretty extensively, but I'm far more likely to just slowly lose interest in a fic, or give it a few chapters before giving up.

So the only things that would really immediately make me jump ship would be like too many basic grammar issues or walls of paragraphs (bc I literally cannot read them, and I have a short attention span lol).

(the other thing that has regularly made me click away, no matter how many times I try to just give it a chance, or read out of curiosity is Dra.mion.e... I can't explain it, but every time I've tried to read it, I just can't... my brain stops functioning. which is crazy bc I can read draco & harry dating other people... I just can't do that specific ship for some reason.) (this isn't me ragging on Dram.ion.e, btw. it's just a weird phenomenon that happens in my brain lol)

#ask #anon

[bebzbrainw0rmz]

Beba I need your opinion on this. What do you think happens to pavlevi after the train leaves prehevil with them in it? Do they live together? Do they live apart as secret lovers? Because of the society around them.. Of course

Started writing this when I was drunk (sober now), but I have had thoughts abt this !!!!! Started info dumping so yeahhhh

I have some ideas based off them being the only survivors, like say Karin and Co went to go get ending A. So Pav and Levi were the only ones left on the train as Levi was left behind and told to take care of Pav post Kaiser altercation. To make sure he doesn’t bleed out and die.

I feel like they’d probably jump from place to place at first. Causing problems everywhere they go lol. Just following eachother around because of neither of them having any plans or future after Termina. Levi because in the back of his mind, to take care of Pav was the last ‘order’ he was given.

After a while they move up north, away from most of society. Moving into a little abandoned cabin in the woods that Pav caught wind of in the neighbouring town. They clean the place up, repairing and adding stuff.

They’d only go into town every few weeks to a month for supplies. Due to being so far away so it’s like a whole day trip there and back. But they probably like it that way. Pav might invest in a horse at some point, maybe… would have to be after a while of saving up.

Basically everything they eat they caught themselves. Levi would def enjoy ice fishing, it’s relaxing. Pav thinks it’s boring so he prefers to go hunting (the snow landscape thing I drew in my last art dump was actually them going on a hunting trip lol)

For money they’d process and sell the pelts of their game, or sell any extra fish Levi caught. But they are largely off the grid so they don’t need a ton of cash.

Entertainment wise they read books together in bed. Levi would ask Pav what more complex words meant as I’m pretty sure his education would be rather spotty due to being drafted at 13. If Pav didn’t know the word he’d just make up a definition because he doesn’t wanna seem like an idiot lolll (he also has a spotty education, largely self taught)

I think after a while Pav would take up wood carving. Pav seems like the type to prefer to keep himself busy. he’d probably struggle with having patience for it at first, but he’d get the hang of it with time. Little wooden bunnies being his fav thing to carve. Also another thing to sell for extra cash.

I feel like at first Levi would hate living in the cabin, he’s going through heroin withdrawals, he’s lived in cities for most of his life, not used to the cold so he burns through fire wood quickly. But with time he’d really like it because it’s repetitive, and predictable. The security is comfortable really. And it’s only him and Pav so people aren’t a problem.

Pav would be the opposite. Loving it at first because the climate and lifestyle makes him super nostalgic. Hunting being a good way to blow off steam that doesn’t involve starting fights. But he starts to get antsy because he hates staying in the same place for too long and craves novelty. To combat this he either goes on long hunting trips or visits the city to have fun or smth. Levi probably loathes the city trips because heroin is easily available there so he’s tempted to relapse but Pav is there to hold his hand so it’s okay.

But yeah, realistically these losers are too fucked up to function properly in society. So living off grid in the woods feels like a good substitute.

#ask #pavlevi #I need to stop ranting about these fuckass losers

[sunflowerandco]

After the Fact: Act IV - Resolve

Act I / Act II / Act III

Rating: M/T 

        Courtney put the finishing touches on her final history paper. She had spent the better half of her morning, not to mention the week, perfecting the last portion of her thesis statement equipped with a counterargument and conclusion to complete. With her last task being editing, she gave herself five minutes to look at her phone. She noticed an abundance of messages from an assumed-to-be-hungover Bridgette in the aftermath of her bachelorette party.

         thanks for taking me home court

         at least i assume u took me home

         i don't remember much haha

         Courtney chuckled as she read the amount of mind gymnastics Bridgette put herself through. The coffee she attempted to sip on was beyond cold at this point.

         Yes, that was me lol. Rest up for tomorrow's rehearsal dinner.

         She shifted her focus to her laptop again before she heard their bedroom door close, and footsteps grow closer. Duncan entered the living room with his flannel half-buttoned, and his hair still wet from the shower. She remembered his excitement from the other day about having two new clients book appointments at the tattoo shop for today, and figured he was getting ready to head out. "Morning, Princess. How's the paper going?" She responded with her eyes still on the screen, studying each sentence's legitimacy.

         "I'm done actually! Now all it needs is a little polishing."

         "Even after being partying all of last night?"

         "Luckily, I never get drunk to the point where I can't function the next day," Courtney stretched her arms out. "And can still tend to my maid of honor duties." Duncan caught her wrists by his hand in a flirtatious effort to get her attention, encouraging a longer break from her extensive work. She had been going at it for nearly four hours before he walked in. He had no intention of breaking her focus earlier, but this moment was an exception.

         Courtney looked at him over her shoulder signaling for him to let go and placed her fingers on the keyboard again. "What about you? Were you handling the 'best man' title properly?" Duncan smirked before teasing her. "I am. But I could hardly focus with all the attention I was getting last night." Courtney rolled her eyes while he added on. "How was the club last night?"

         Courtney played up her response to throw him off. "Oh, nothing. The usual strip club activities. Drinks flowing, ass and abs in your face," She turned to face him over her shoulder again. "Bridgette and the girls seemed to really enjoy themselves."

         Duncan hunched over to the level of her desk chair, placing his hands on her shoulders. "They can't do this though," he said softly in her ear. He kissed slowly down her neck and Courtney's head automatically tilted to the left to give him better access. She still tried to keep her eyes on her paper, but the lower his hands went down her arms, the more her concentration wavered. She inaudibly gasped when she felt his fingers cling to the hem of her shirt, his knuckles grazing her sides. His voice still rang softly in her ear. "Want me to stop?" Duncan faced her and waited for her answer.

         Courtney shook her head no, and Duncan's hands made their way underneath her shirt and lightly brushed up and down her waist. His lips traveled from her neck to her shoulder, and his hands brushed up once more before they cupped her breasts. She gasped lightly at the sensation the pattern of his thumbs circling gave. Every flick sent shocks down to her core. She could barely get his name out of her mouth.

         "Duncan..." She could feel him smirking against her neck, and she rolled her eyes.

         "Tell me what you want." His hands remained under the tight fabric of her shirt. Truth be told, he wanted her since last night. Being surrounded by other women just made him want Courtney even more. His mind filled with visuals of the two of them, and he couldn’t, would never complain.

         It increasingly became more prevalent to Duncan that he didn't want to see anyone else the way he saw Courtney. It had been that way for five years, and he couldn't see it changing at all.

         "Take me. On the couch."

         In one motion Duncan turned the chair on its wheels so that she was facing him. He wrapped one arm around her waist and one hand to the back of Courtney's thigh. Courtney was finally at eye level with him, and her hands cupped his face when she hungrily drew kisses on his lips, lightly tugging on his lower lip with her teeth. When she let go, he planted soft kisses on her inner thighs. Duncan had every intention to burn her tension away to construct new pressure by some incredibly desirable design. Courtney lied back when they heard her phone ring on the desk. Duncan sighed and loosened the grip he had on her thighs when her attention shifted.

         She reluctantly got up from the couch to see Bridgette's name flash across the screen, and she picked it up to answer. "Hello?" She was met with a panicked, hasty voice on the line. Bridgette's words seemed to all get launched into the air at the same time.

         "Courtney! I really need you! I woke up to go to the bathroom and I tried to take my ring off before going in the shower and it's not on my finger!" Courtney tried her best to calm her down and retrace her steps.

         "Okay, okay, Bridgette. Slow down. It could've fallen off somewhere in your place. Or in your bed?"

         "No I swear I looked everywhere! What if I l-left it at the club or something?"

         "Then, we'll look there. We'll look everywhere we can, okay? Do you need me to pick you up?"

         "Yes"

         "Okay, then I'll be there in twenty minutes. See you soon." Courtney set her phone down and took a deep breath. Duncan made his way to her to rub his hands along her arms. "Go ahead. You have maid of honor duties, and I have to go head to the shop." She gave him a peck before turning to their bedroom to get dressed.

         "Don't forget where we left off! And good luck today!" Duncan wouldn't forget feeling extremely lucky in their version of a predicament.

                                                         ***

         Courtney entered their apartment after having dropped off Bridgette once again from a panic-filled escapade that ended in good resolve. Her ring was found, back on her finger, and all each had to worry about was the rehearsal dinner happening on the next day. Courtney was more than prepared for the day.  She was already looking forward to a night on the couch before another eventful day.

         Courtney dumped her purse on the table in the hallway preceding the living room. She could make out that the lights were on, but it was eerily quiet. She called out for him.

         "Babe? Are you in there?"

         Duncan affirmed in a low voice. "Yeah. I'm in here."

         When she walked into the living room, she found Duncan sitting on the couch. His head was down, and he was covering one side of his face with his hand. She hastily walked up to him and gently lifted his head by his chin to see fresh, major discoloration around his right eye that extended down to his cheek. His bright teal eyes stared into Courtney's earnestly. She instinctively opened her mouth in shock.

         "What happened to you?" Courtney quickly turned on her heels. She grabbed an ice pack from the freezer and placed it above his cheek. He took hold of it before he started talking.

         His voice remained as low as possible. His explanation was simple, but he couldn't express it simply. His tone seethed with unresolved anger. "I got in a fight at the shop." He got up from the couch and his back toward Courtney.

         "A fight?! What the hell were you thinking?!" She followed behind him. "You could lose your job doing stuff like that!"

         He finally turned to her in disbelief. "Is that all you care about?!" Courtney couldn't help but feel misunderstood. She was angry at him for misinterpreting; she was angry at herself for her choice of words. It grew harder for her to control the volume of her voice.

         "No! Thats not the case. I just thought you'd learn not to risk good things for yourself and let your anger go for once!"

         They usually bickered. Got under each other’s skin as a way of flirting, but this time felt incredibly different from the others. They could see each other's upset, their words jumbled up and void of understanding for the other's point of view. A passionate need for one to grasp onto the other's words but failing in execution.

         Duncan's desire to explain himself diminished when he realized she already made her assumptions, but he still took offense to Courtney's words. "I’m not gonna be perfectly poised like you, so you can forget that Courtney." There wasn't much more she could say before he passed her to slam their bedroom door shut.

         Courtney got so worked up she holed herself into her studying nook. She read over passages in her textbook until she wasn't thinking about Duncan anymore. One, two, three hours would pass by before she realized midnight had rolled around, and she was five minutes away from falling asleep onto her textbook. She had to join him in bed eventually.

         She peered through the door. The light from the hallway highlighted the curves of Duncan under the comforter. She quietly lied on her side, but still faced the opposite way of him. It was the first and only time she ever felt cold under so many blankets. Courtney closed her eyes tightly and thought of every possible scenario she could imagine until her mind let her slip away.

                                                        ***

         Duncan's eyes fluttered open slowly when the morning sun beamed on his face through the window. He looked next to him to see the girl he pulled in every morning wasn't on her side of the bed. The gel pack he steadily held to his eye for most of the night landed off his body and onto the floor when he lifted the blankets. He left the room, and still no sign of Courtney. He assumed she already met with Bridgette to help prepare the rehearsal dinner.

        Duncan stepped into the bathroom and was reminded of incident that gave him this very bruise. The memory of the conversation before the incident rang in his mind repeatedly. He had followed all the guidelines taught to him by Anya, kept his cool to the best of his ability, and he still managed to fuck up. He managed to mess things up with Courtney.

        "I'm sorry, dude. You're way too drunk. I cannot give you a tattoo."

        Still, he was met with hostility. An angry drunk who wouldn't take no for an answer. He thought about her once.

        "Then what the fuck do you assholes get paid for?! Either you do what I ask, or I'll make you!"

         He was shoved. Punched. He thought about her once more. He knew what she'd say, and situations like these kept her voice in the back of his head. But Duncan had a difficult time facing the habit of establishing this desired image in a new public setting. It worked out for him at times in his youth; hurting before he could get hurt and maintaining the reputation that kept people out of his way. Yes, his job is still intact, and he could thank Anya for her judgement. However, all he saw in the mirror was a mark brought onto him that, in retrospect, wasn't even worth it. The ice prevented it from shutting his eye completely, and only gave his lid a grim, purple hue. All he saw in their room was the empty bed he fell asleep angry and woke up in.

                                                          ***

         Duncan pulled up to the old manor the wedding and dinner were taking place. He stopped short of the fountain that led to the path of the entrance for valet. He opened double doors and was swept into high ceilings, music relevant to the occasion, and too much dark wood. He was seen by a few members of the wedding party, Marie, Chet, and Betty, by the coat room. He gave an efficient wave before realizing why their mouths were agape.

         He gave up and instead walked down another hall, into another room, and there she was. The only woman that could catch his eye when he walked into a room. She had her back turned and was engaged in conversation with Bridgette and their high school classmate, LeShawna. She was wearing that red backless dress she brought home last week; her beautiful, warm skin uncovered. He knew he stared a little too long when Bridgette noticed him from across the room. Bridgette's halt in conversation made Courtney turn around. Their eyes automatically locked, and all the supposed anger expressed the night before didn't matter to him. He wanted to talk to her, to talk things out between them. He could admit they were both hurt in the process, and maturity begets resolve. But he was brought out of his thoughts when Geoff put a hand on his shoulder.

        "Dude! I was looking for you! I need to-" He was cut off when Duncan turned to face him, and his focus ceased. "What the hell happened to you?" Duncan brushed it off, shook his head, and deemed it not worth explaining.

        "Don't worry about it. What did you need?"

        "Last minute question that I totally forgot to ask you: steak or fish?"

        "Uh... steak?"

        "Okay, great! That's what I told the caterers." A voice projected over the loudspeaker.

        "Dinner is now served. Everyone can enter the dining room at this time."

                                                          ***

        After hours of preparation and arranging, Courtney and Bridgette were able to enjoy the venue they spent the entirety of their day in. Courtney stuck to the nervous bride's side throughout conversations she'd have with the wedding party. Of course, they were all people she grew close with over the years, but months of preparation would leave any bride fretful of failure. They were both truly able to relax when LeShawna arrived. They were free to talk and laugh about anything they wanted, and Courtney could take her mind off the one guy she looked around for every now and then. It was a special bond for those who've met in their youth could only describe.

        "Yes, he told me he loved me after throwing up on a Ferris wheel. Thing was going 5 miles per hour!"

        "He did not!" LeShawna said in between laughs. "Why am I just hearing about this now?"

        "To save him from total embarrassment, LeShawna. That's why!" LeShawna turned to Courtney this time.

        "What about you, Courtney? I think we all know Duncan said it first." Bridgette giggled as she added along.

        "Oh my gosh, yes! I remember the day you told me like it was yesterday." Bridgette's voice wavered towards the end of her recollection. "You were so freaked out..." Her eye contact came to a complete stop, and Courtney's curiosity made her head turn.

        That's when she saw him.

        She felt a warm wave flow through her when she noticed his gaze. All the fear that kept her from hopeful thinking vanished after her eyes locked with his in some natural happenstance. He was wearing the black suit jacket and tie they picked out together last week. She hated to admit it, but the bruised eye and darkened knuckles made him even more enticing. Seeing him look for her created this magnetic pull that she couldn't fight off. Both of her friends' comments fell into the background; the sound of their voices fading more and more.

        "His eye doesn't look too bad."

        "The look is actually very on-brand for Duncan."

        Their stare broke when Geoff appeared behind him, and he turned his head. She turned back to her friends slowly as well. She couldn't really say anything, nor did she want to talk about her problems on Bridgette's special weekend, so she just smiled half-heartedly. She had told Bridgette what happened before the guests arrived, but Courtney firmly restricted talking about it when the event started. She was spared of any questions when the loudspeaker ushered the wedding party into the dining room.

        Courtney and LeShawna looked for their name cards in front of seats at the table. They sat down next to each other when Duncan found his own seat across from Courtney at the table while Bridgette and Geoff entered together.

        "Hi everyone! I just wanted to thank all of you for coming tonight and taking on the task of becoming bridesmaids, groomsmen, best man, and maid of honor." Geoff continued this time. "We're really happy to share that my father, the host, has prepared a few words to say tonight." Bridgette sat down next to Courtney in the center, Geoff did the same across from her.

        He stood up from his chair, notecards in his hand, and Courtney gave him her full attention. "Good evening. I'm Daniel Patton, this is my wife, Donna, and we're so thankful you could join us on the eve of Geoff and Bridgette's wedding. I'm so honored to be speaking in front of you all for two people who are very special to me. Way back when my boy was twelve, I knew Geoff was head over heels for Bridgette. He'd never stop talking about her, and he started making changes about himself. I never complained about it because that just meant from now on, he'd shower every day." He paused for a moment while light chuckles filled the room. "If there's one thing you could take away from this lovely couple, it would be their unconditional love for each other." Daniel gestured to them before he continued. "Love, above all, is a choice you make every day when you wake up in the morning." Courtney stared down into her lap as she took in his words. She tried not to remember the flames of her anger that lead her and Duncan to the state of their relationship and couldn't help but blame herself. She felt a light tap on her leg coming from across the table and looked forward. She looked at him and she swore time stopped.

        He'd given her that look before. In times where she got so wrapped up in her own thoughts and couldn't think straight. She was brought back to her bedroom in her frantic search for their clothing and his incredulous ability to bring that sense of calm to her body with just his shirt and a look. She allowed herself to bore into his eyes for this moment as Daniel spoke words of guidance. She felt the dust of her dueling thoughts settle. "You choose the one you're in love with through life's trials and tribulations. Even in the midst of your anger, choose love. It's the ultimate test of strength. Choosing love is the reason I get welcome Bridgette to our family and celebrate the joining of two people who become better every day because of their union." Their exchange came to a halt when Daniel requested everyone to raise a toast to the bride and groom. Still, the feeling radiated in her chest knowing it would all be okay.

                                                          ***

        After the dinner came the afterparty, and as much as Courtney loved her friends, she admittedly needed a minute to give into her introverted nature. She spent the beginning of the event looking for Duncan to find her boyfriend getting swept up to party with the groomsmen. Courtney felt compelled to stop him. To get him to follow her. In an unusual feat, she snuck away to the second floor of the manor and found a balcony in one of the parlors looking over an abundance of mountains. She decided the houses on them always looked better far away. Courtney breathed in deeply and shut her eyes when a light breeze passed. Her head turned at the sound of the voice she wanted to hear all night.

       "Want company?"

        "Duncan, I-"

        "Wait," He pulled her into a warm embrace, buried his face into her neck, and his frame swallowed hers the tighter he held onto her. Courtney sighed mostly in relief, and all the words she suppressed years ago in his car came rushing to her. She needed him to know everything.

        "I'm sorry for the way I expressed my worry. I just saw the black eye and immediately thought about the past. I didn't even ask how it happened." By now they were face to face. "Losing your job is not what I care about most. It's losing you that scares me." She cursed herself when tears brimmed in her eyes. Duncan's hands traveled up to hold her face. "I-I love you so much, Duncan. You're the only person I see with me when I think of my future, and you're never this perfect version of yourself, and neither am I. We're just us, and it's enough." She didn't notice how heavy her breath felt until she let all the words out. He let her go before he started explaining himself.

        "In a way I knew what you meant. Sometimes I just go back to the past, too, knowing there were no real consequences for the shit I did. Detention, suspension, and sometimes juvie. I never really cared. But I've gained too much these past few years to let some loser take it away from me." Duncan could only lay himself bare this way to Courtney. He was always flirtatious, and he had no problem telling her exactly how he felt. "You save my life every time, Princess. If it's me who you want to ruin yours, then I'm your guy." Courtney playfully rolled her eyes at the comment.

        "Please ruin my life, Duncan." Courtney genuinely smiled knowing their lives could go back to how they love it. Duncan wasted no time to express the thought he'd been holding in since last night.

        "Don't have to tell me twice. Also, you can stop pretending my eye doesn't turn you on."

        "I have no idea what you're talking about."

        "Oh, come on, Courtney." Duncan slowly inched closer to her. "You're telling me you don't want me, right here, right now?" Courtney looked him up and down and turned her back on him as she held onto the railing of the balcony.

        She had to admit the clash of his formal wear with his bruises aroused her in every aspect. While her mind kept her too lost in thought to respond, Duncan hunched slightly over her, his hands on her shoulders, and left kisses down her neck with every statement.

        "I want you. I want to pick up where you told me not to forget, and you look incredibly sexy in this dress."

        She turned to face him and kissed him in an ardent haze. Every pattern they drew made her want to deepen the kiss. She ran her tongue lightly across his lower lip, and he parted his lips wider to give her enough space to pour all her love onto him.

        Courtney pulled him in close enough to have her back leaning on the balcony. Duncan had one hand in her hair and another hand on her bare back pressing her against him.

        Courtney stole a moment to look behind them to see no one outside currently. Duncan leaned in, and her hand stood on his chest to slow him down. Her mind jumped back and forth between chasing release in this setting, but she couldn't withstand the pull. "I can't believe I'm saying this... Did you bring protection?"

        "Always do."

        "I hate y- ah!" Courtney yelped as Duncan lifted her over his shoulder from the balcony to the parlor. When Duncan lied her down on the chaise lounge, Courtney sat up to kiss him again. Duncan used one hand to hold her back and the other to loosen his tie. In hushed exchanges and rushed session, Courtney contradicted her words over and over, and knew she would continue to do so for years to come.

A/N: I apologize if this was out of character as i'm still trying to determine their words/choice as adults this far in their relationship. ANYWAY i hope you liked. tell me what you think

#td courtney #duncney #duncney fic

[sneezingpotatoes]

Merry (LATE ASF) Christmas xD

Over a year late, but... You know?😂😂😂 I come baring gifts! xD Gotta keep my word no matter how long it takes lmao

Okay so I got my ex-best friend to draw Draco for me xD LOL She’s vanilla and doesn’t know about my kink so I had to kinda sneakily ask her to add the blush and stuff lmao BUT FOR THE MOST PART, this is my OC Draco xDD She did a good job with it! That’s him feeling all sickly in the story xD I might get her to draw my other OC’s too! If you want her to draw for you too or see what else she drew, her instagrams are: @ixreikoluxi and @ixreiko_luxi ((Just dont message her anything kinky LOL but she does do commissions on anime art!)) Also I tried new things in here... And there’s a lot that be happenin in this fic so hopefully it’s a good read lmao xD 

ANYWAYS MERRY (LATE ASF) CHRISTMAS AND ONTO THE FIC XD I think it’s around 15k words OvO ENJOY

December 23rd

 A soft murmur slips past Draco’s ears through the darkness of sleep, earning a sleepy snort and a shift on the couch from the sleeping drunkard. The murmur wasn’t loud enough to fully wake the hungover excuse of a man resting on the couch, but it did plant the seed of a weak headache into his temples from the lingering alcohol flowing through his veins.

“...co ... Draco! Wake up, please.” 

The gentle shaking of his arm causes Draco to slowly stir awake. The rugged man lazily blinks a few times, trying to get his eyes to focus through the dim light on the face hovering above him. He winces as he’s greeted with a sharp churning in his stomach from his heavy alcohol consumption the past few days, cursing at the situation entirely.

“Shit. Wahtimeisit..? Wahdoyouwant?” His voice was deep and groggy from sleep, words slurred from his mind and mouth both sluggish and still trying to register and function at the thought of being awake so early.

“It’s 10 ‘till 6am. I need you to do the Christmas shopping for me while I’m at work today.” The gentleman firmly instructed. Shit. He had forgotten about that. The rugged man audibly grunted, rubbing the sleep out of his tired eyes. “I left the shopping list and some money on the table. Do not forget about it, Draco. I mean it.” His voice was strict and bold, leaving a mark on Draco’s deafened pride. The gentleman locked the door behind him and was gone before Draco could even attempt to respond. 

“Could’ve at least turned off the fricken light, jeez.”

He groaned, dreading the long day of shopping he had ahead of him. Every time Reuben had asked him to go to the store for him, it was always at least a four-hour endeavor, seeing how Reuben always had items on the list that he had never heard of, and the nearest shops around his area were all unheard of and he had no idea where any of the items were. Even if he did go shopping on a regular basis, he was sure that he would still be lost in each of the supermarkets. Christmas was in two days, so that meant that everyone was out and about, doing their last-minute Christmas shopping, just as he was about to, seeing how he had waited nearly a month to even think about the list. Yeah, Reuben had warned him about this multiple times, that’s why he had made the list ahead of time, but Draco didn’t care. Well, he didn’t care until now. The rugged man cursed to himself just thinking about the long shopping list and having to deal with crowds of people. Why did he have to do all the damn shopping, anyway? ‘It’s not like you do anything all day, anyway. You just lay around or go to the bar and get drunk. The least you could do is help out around here and go to the grocery store.’ He could hear Reuben’s nagging voice already engraved into his memory. They’ve had this conversation once before, and Draco hated to be reminded of it. He sighs, shoving away the memory and slamming his eyes shut, trying to return to the peaceful slumber that he had been rudely awoken from.

4 hours felt like minutes according to Draco as he was rudely pulled out of sleep by warm licks to the tip of his nose. At first, he shoves the clever feline back away from his torso and rubs his freshly licked nose, sluggishly trying to go back to sleep. Absinthe returns a couple of seconds later, gently sitting on his chest with a soft ‘meowrr’ that makes the rugged man bat an eye at the creature.

“Jesus Christ, cut it out, will ya!?” The man grunted, remembering that he was supposed to feed the feline two hours ago, and that he probably wouldn’t hear the end of it with Reuben when he got home. She speaks again, hopping onto the floor and stretching outward near her food bowl. “Alright, alright already. Shaash, I’m goin’.”

Brain still foggy from sleep, the rugged man brought himself to his feet, releasing a loud, well-needed yawn that forced his jaw to slack all the way open as he headed into the kitchen, feeling the patient feline watching his every move. He takes the can of cat food from the cabinet and sluggishly places the food in the bowl, having Absinthe instantly begin to eat the protein packed meal.

“You’re welcome, little bastard.” He mumbled as he watched the feline scarf down the mushy substance, gliding a gentle hand behind her ears. “Must be good, huh?” It was odd. Draco normally judged Reuben for speaking to his feline like an actual person, but it was actually quite soothing to say the least, as it brought a wry smirk to his face. Obviously, he wasn’t going to tell Reuben that. The black cat abruptly stopped eating and peeked her head at the man crouched directly behind her, purring when he rubbed the right spot. He gave her one last rub before getting up to grab a change of clothes.

He called an Uber after taking a decently long, hot shower and eating a slice of cold, leftover pizza from the fridge for breakfast. Reuben was the only person with a car around here and he had taken it to work today, so he felt that an Uber would be the better option at least. The rugged man scoops the money from on the table into his pocket, grabs the shopping list and heads outside into the freezing winter air.

***

The sky was a nice dark gray, not doing the sun any favors with providing any warmth or sunlight really. There was a cold, gentle breeze that would occasionally brush through his dark black bangs and hug his neck and chest, forcing him to pull up his short jacket collar as much as he could in order to shield himself from at least some of the coldness. This would be one of the moments that he missed his trench coat and fedora the most. Reuben had made him throw the old things out entirely and get a completely new wardrobe about a week after he had moved in. He couldn’t complain; he didn’t much care about having to wear new clothes, he just wanted to keep his fedora and trench coat if anything. The sound of car tires sloshing in a puddle of rainwater catches his attention as it appears to be his Uber driver. The driver waves at his direction, beckoning him to come over.

“So, where we headed?” The uber driver asked as Draco entered the back seat.

“Just to the local shopping center up ahead. I put the damn address in the app, why are you asking me? Do your damn job.” He muttered, eyeing the long list in his hand. He’s sure that the driver said something back to him, but he wasn’t listening; He was already in a bad mood and had to prepare himself for the long endeavor ahead of him. 

The closer they got to the shopping center, the more Draco started to get annoyed. There were so many cars in the street, driving slow for what Draco thought was both to look at all of the Christmas lights and decorations hanging up on all of the lamp posts and just from the amount of people in the area period. There were so many people walking on the sidewalks with their families, friends, partners and just some walking solo; He was kind of glad that he hadn’t driven here himself. It would be hell to find a parking spot anywhere, and just hell to get out of here. He grunts to himself, noticing a few people wearing face masks that were walking along the sidewalks as well. He had forgotten that this was the perfect weather and season for people to get sick. It was probably the perfect place to get sick too, seeing how there were just so many people brushing up against one another, touching all sorts of the same products and just overall breathing the same air in general. The driver pulled over in what seemed to be the middle of the shopping center, having a giant Christmas tree on display to his left with so many bright lights and Christmas ornaments dangling from all of the branches. That seemed to be the hot spot of the entire center, seeing how there seemed to be a ton of families crowded around the tree, whether they were taking pictures in front of it, sitting and chatting, or just hanging out around the area. He paid the uber driver and exited the vehicle, instantly starting to make his way towards the nearest supermarket so that he could get out of this mess as quickly as possible.

Draco was hit with a little bit of relief when he entered the store, feeling the heat instantly wash over him as he grabbed his handheld shopping basket. It was short lived though as he saw how long the checkout lines were, and how many people were still shopping down every isle in the store. He briefly sighed, shoving all of his aggravation aside. He knew that he wasn’t going to get anything done fast if he just kept moping about the situation.

It took about an hour of roaming down every isle a few times, bumping into and being bumped into a good handful of times and scanning over the shopping list at least 30 times before Draco was sure that he had gotten a good selection of items off of the list and made the executive decision to check out. It didn’t matter which line he chose; each line was so long that it was stretching into an actual isle, causing multiple people to have to cut through every once in a while, just to get to the other side of the store. He picks the closest line to him and decides to start waiting now rather than later. Why does everybody have to be out shopping right now anyway? He thought to himself, feeling his arms starting to grow tired from carrying the heavy basket for so long. 

It wasn’t long before other shoppers began to slowly file in behind him, causing him to feel slightly uneasy from how close they had to stand in order to be out of the way of other shoppers. What made matters worse was that the person behind him sounded like he was under the weather and Draco didn’t want to be anywhere near it. The thick sniffling that was heard from behind him made Draco internally groan. Damn it, he hated this so much. The regret was really starting to sink in now. At this moment he wished that he had went shopping right when Reuben had made the list. There’s a chesty cough from behind him that makes Draco turn his head slightly enough to see a young man sniffling helplessly into the palm of his hand. He rolls his eyes, feeling like he’s stuck in his current position. He knew that he always had an option to leave the line, but he had already waited 10 minutes and he didn’t want to be there any longer than he had to. The shuffling of feet in front of him caught his attention as he followed suit and scooted forward a couple of inches as the next customer was being serviced. There were only two customers in front of him now, and he was actually standing inside of the gap with the chip racks and soda coolers; He was nearing the light at the end of his tunnel. He knew that he could wait a couple more minutes and put up with this a little while longer. That was until…

“Hh… Ah’TSSCHiuh!!” 

The loud sneeze from behind makes the rugged man flinch, feeling a gust of air and cold spray instantly hit the back of his neck. He slowly turns around completely this time, bringing a hand up to wipe where he had felt the sickly spray come in contact as he was greeted by a young man with short brown hair, sniffling and wiping his nose onto his jacket sleeve.

“Oh, come on, man! Are you freggin serious?!” Draco yells, feeling disgusted and aggravated at the stranger. The outburst causes a handful of eyes to veer over to their direction. The younger man could only give a sheepish smile in return, feeling way beyond embarrassed and nervous of what the rugged man would do.

“I, uhh… I’m sorry, man! It’s just allergies! ‘Tis the season, right?” The young man said with a pleading smile and nervous laugh, trying his best to ease the rugged man over. Allergies my ass. His voice sounded thick and strained just from that apology alone, and Draco already knew what this meant. He looked like a walking germ cell; ain’t no way that’s some goddamn allergies. 

“Un-fucking-believable.” He muttered, looking at his hand in disgust. He was furious way beyond comprehension, but he didn’t want to cause a bigger scene than he had already. For this kids’ sake. The young man pulled out a pack of tissues and handed him one with a shaky hand. “Where the hell was this at before you fucking sneezed on me?!” His voice was loud with anger again as he snatched the tissue out of the man’s hand and wiped his own in disgust. The younger man quickly fumbled into the packet again to grab his own tissues as his eyelashes began to gently flutter shut. 

“Ah’TSSCHiih..! Ih‘TISShiEW!!” 

The cans and bottles in his handheld basket clanked against each other as the young man jerked forwards, diving into his hand full of tissues as his bangs bounced off of his clammy forehead with each itchy explosion. He would’ve crashed into the chip rack if not for the kind stranger behind him. Draco was relieved when the customer in front of him was beginning to load the belt with his items, allowing him to scoot up some again. It was short lived though, when the young man also scooted up behind him, sniffling and coughing so close in his ear it felt like he was practically shoulder to shoulder with him.

Finally, after a few more minutes of waiting, it was Draco’s turn to quickly checkout and instantly leave the store. The cold air greeted Draco once again, but he didn’t care this time. He was just happy to get out of that store and separate himself from that walking germ infestation. His arms were already starting to get tired even though he had two more stores to visit; He just wanted to go home honestly and take another hot shower to cleanse himself. It was about a ten-minute walk to get to the next store on his list. The fresh air was really nice, but it was awfully cold and starting to loosen up his sinuses. He had to sniffle every few seconds just to try and prevent his nose from leaking onto his numb upper lip.

His second shopping experience was pretty similar to the last store, minus the disgusting event, but the process went by faster than he had thought it would, and for that he was grateful. He peered down at the shopping list once again, having a wave of relief brush over him from seeing the small handful of items that he had left to get: Cranberry sauce, Asparagus, wait… Proscouittio? What the hell was a proscouittio? The rugged man sat down on the nearest bench, allowing his arms to rest by setting down all of his grocery bags onto the cold concrete as he pulled out his cellphone and dialed up the pediatrician.

“Hello? Draco?” The smooth and concerned voice of the gentleman was heard on the other end of the phone.

“Yeah, it’s me. What the hell is a pro… scouittio?” The rugged man asked, voice still coated with irritation from having to be out shopping. He snuffled twice into a curled knuckle, giving the underside of his nose a quick wipe after feeling a faint burning at the back of his sinuses from the cold air. A light chuckle is heard on the other end from the gentleman.

“It’s prosciutto, not proscouittio.” Reuben corrected through a light snicker. Draco snarled, irritably bringing his phone closer to his mouth. 

“If you’re going to laugh and make fun of me, so help me God I swear I’ll hang up right fucking now and blow this money at the nearest bar in sight.” His voice was dry and grim, causing Reuben to stop his chuckling instantly. The rugged man snuffled thickly again, lifting up his arm to briefly rub his leaky nose along his jacket sleeve this time. 

“Okay, okay, calm down. There’s no reason to get all riled up.” Reuben’s voice had a naturally childish glee to it today that forced Draco to ease up a little, even if he didn’t want to. “It’s a thinly sliced ham. Very delicious. You can find it at Scardello deli a little way east of the Shopping Center. Oh, and Draco, make sure you’re reading all of the ingredients carefully. My parents are coming over and it has to be correct.” It was hard to pay attention to Reuben, seeing how his nose would not stop running no matter how many times he wiped at it. He had to keep sniffling to himself in order to barely keep the leakage at bay. He audibly sighs, as he felt his inner nostrils begin to tingle from the cold air just enough to make his chest bounce with a muted hitch.  “—And a block of Gruyère cheese from the deli too, please.” There was a moment of silence before Reuben realized that he had been talking to himself for the past few seconds. Another muted hitch escapes from Draco as his nose and lips began to quiver uncomfortably from the subtle itch. 

“Hehh…” He could feel his eyelids start to droop closed and his shoulders begin to rise from the third inhale that was audible this time and forced him to bring up a shaky hand to squeeze his nostrils shut with his thumb and forefinger. 

“Hello? Draco? Are you there—" The hitch only sounds like a soft grunt to Reuben as he is unable to hear clearly since Draco instantly pushed the device deep into his chest as he jerked forwards twice.

“Kxxnt… Hhuh-… Eh’GSXnt!” The first sneeze was weak and soft enough to go unnoticed, but it made the gentle tingle in his sinuses rattle, causing the second sneeze to sound a bit more agitated and loud enough to get picked up on the line.  

“Oh? Bless you, Draco. Are you alright?” Reuben asked, voice clearly coated with concern. The rugged man barely caught the sentence as he brought the phone back up to his ear, sniffling a handful of times into his curled knuckle.

“Yeah, ‘s just cold as hell out here. What were you talkin’ about?” Draco muttered, massaging the bridge of his nose with chilled fingertips.

“I said I need you to pick up a block of Gruyère cheese from Scardello’s Deli for me while you’re out. I must’ve forgotten to put it on the list.”

“Jeez, I need a drink.” Draco groaned as he massaged the bridge of his nose in irritation of the new item added to his list this time.

"Tell you what: I'll pay your bar tab for all of the hassle you're going through today, even though all of this could've been avoided had you listened to me." Reuben offered, mumbling the second half of his sentence in a matter-of-fact manner. Draco didn't care though. He was sold on the 'pay your bar tab' part.

"You've got yourself a deal then." 

“Good. Oh- And Draco, be safe out there. Don’t stay out in the cold for too long. Make sure you’re keeping wa--” 

“Tch.” Draco instantly ended the call after he irritably smacked his lips, ignoring the pediatrician’s advice. He didn’t need to hear something he already knew and was well aware of. Reuben wasn’t his parent. He knew how to take care of himself. The rugged man quickly stood back up in a huff and headed straight for the second to last store on his list. 

The next store that he needed to visit was a fresh produce store. Reuben was very picky about the ingredients that he needed. He always wanted it to be organic and to be from a certain brand, which was very annoying and very time consuming to find. If he had been lazy and just brought home a random brand of the product, he knew that he wouldn't hear the end of it from Reuben. Draco didn't know why the hell he cared so much, seeing how it all tasted the same to him anyway. What was the point? It was all food; one just costs more than the other.

The list was growing shorter though, and it only took him about half an hour to find the ingredients that he needed, and checking out was a breeze. The only place he needed to visit was Scardello's Deli. He was glad that this was his last stop though. He was growing rather hungry and decided to take this opportunity to grab him some lunch with the leftover grocery money, if he had any.

Upon approaching the Deli, his heart instantly sinks from how many people are inside of the deli, and just from seeing all the tables outside being filled as well. For a brief moment he had forgotten that it was almost Christmas and that the piles of people showing up to this Deli wouldn't be an exception. Scardello's was also a popular Italian deli, famous for their tasty, high quality ingredients; seeing this many people here on an average day wouldn't be surprising either. You'd be lucky if you didn't have to wait in a long line that extended outside of the store.

Draco quickly stepped in line, wanting to save his place before someone else had the chance to and began the waiting game for the last time. He was happy, seeing how after he was finished shopping here, he could finally go home and he also had free alcohol on his waiting list. It wasn't too bad though. He enjoyed the scent of freshly toasted bread and the savory scent of spices that were infused into the meats. This was the best experience he had today for waiting in a long line, even if he had handfuls of groceries in his hands.

After waiting for about 20 minutes in line, it was finally his turn to order and he was relieved. There was a big glass full of different types of meats on display in front of him, all looking very delicious, but he points to the specific type of prosciutto that Reuben had asked for, along with the block of Gruyère cheese. The cashier nods to the rugged man and repeats the order back to a couple of workers that were slicing meat in the back as he pressed a few buttons onto his register.

"Prosciutto di Parma. Good choice. Delicate to the tongue and sweet to the taste." The woman behind him stated as she approached the meat display and stood beside him. She held her black suitcase to her side as her long, white lab coat flapped behind her as she turned to study the rugged man standing in front of her. "Hmm... You don't look like the type to eat anything close to prosciutto... Who sent you?" She mused, chuckling to herself as she saw the confused, and now irritated glare on Draco's face. The rugged man furrowed a brow at the lady, feeling offended by her choice of words. ‘Look the type’? The hell does she mean by that? 

Her long, brown hair seemed to flow vibrantly behind her back, naturally complimenting her dark, purple orbs while she looked at the display case full of meat. She was actually very beautiful in Draco's eyes; he had to force himself to shift his gaze so that he didn’t end up staring for too long.

"I gotta $62.60 for a Prosciutto Di Parma an’ a Gruyère ." The cashier stated through a heavy Italian accent that instantly snagged Draco's attention and brought him back to reality. Over $50 for just some damn meat and cheese? What has the world come to, he thought to himself. 

"U-uh, yeah, and I wanna add your uhh... Italian Sub. That should be cheap enough at least." He muttered, dazed by both the woman still hovering over his shoulder and the price of the meat as he fumbled into his pockets for the leftover grocery money. 

"Ey, Giuseppe, put his order on my ticket." The woman stated as she gently grabbed his hand in order to prevent him from scrambling for the lose bills in his pockets any longer. “Grazie mille amico mio.” Draco gave the woman both a confused and disapproving look in return but she brushed it off as she placed her own order on top of his. 

“Nessun problema. Qualunque cosa per mia sorella!” The cashier replied with a smile as he typed away on the cash register. 

"The hell d’you think you’re doing, lady? I have the money to pay, you know." Draco muttered to the woman with shattered pride after she had placed her order. The cashier had told them to stand over to the side as they began preparing their food.

"Mm-hmm. Oh I'm sure you do." She said with a flirtatious grin. Draco couldn't tell if she was joking or if she was just being sarcastic. Or both. The childish tone of her voice reminded him of Lirin a bit, and made him unintentionally release an agitated sigh. "Nobody in their right mind walks into Scardello's with pocket change."

"Listen, lady, pocket change or not: money is money. Don’t give a rats ass about how it looks." Even though she was very beautiful, her beauty didn’t seem to filter Draco’s mouth nor his personality. He could care less, really. She could’ve been Beyonce in a two piece and he still would’ve said the same thing. 

"Hm. Touché." She muttered, giving the rugged man an approving nod before giving him a light punch in the shoulder. “Can you not call me lady though? Don’t you know how rude that sounds?” 

"Do I look like a fuckin’ mind-reader? I don’t know your name, lady.”

“The name's Sicily." Her response came out awkward sounding as she fought to keep herself from actually socking him in the shoulder again. “Gaash, do you kiss your mother with that potty mouth?” 

"Don’t you ever mention my mother ever again, you got that??" He mutters intensely, having the cashier interrupt their conversation with two bags of food in hand. 

She awkwardly thanked the cashier and gave him a tip before leaving the Deli. Draco followed her outside over to a wooden bench a few steps away from the Deli as she sat down and separated the food between both of them.

"Y’know, you’re being kinda rude to the person that just bought all this food for you. Here." She said as she gave him the bag with freshly purchased food inside. "That one's yours." Draco accepted the bag in silence as she taps the bench and invites him to join her and have a seat, in which he distantly accepts. The two sit in silence for a good few minutes before Sicily decides to cut through the tension. “I didn’t catch your name earlier...” She mumbled into her sandwich before taking a bite out of it. 

“... Draco, I guess...” He replied annoyed, only staring at his sandwich rather than eating it.

"Well, Mr. Draco... You’re an asshole, you know that?” She stated through a soft chuckle after hearing Draco release a loud, obviously aggravated grunt in response, “An attractive asshole, I might add. And honestly, you just have the manliest resting bitch face I’ve ever seen--” 

“What the hell are you getting at here?” 

 “You wanna know why I paid for your meal? I just wanted to make that sour face at least a liiiittle bit sweeter, you know?” The rugged man gave a perplexed look towards the woman sitting beside him. It felt weird hearing a woman speak so openly and without a filter just like him. 

“...Shut up...” Draco half-muttered after an exhausted sigh, before finally taking a bite out of his sandwich. 

“You’d like that wouldn’t you? Too bad. I’m not a sheep. I don’t follow orders.” She mused with a dorky accent, surprisingly earning an unexpected chuckle from the rugged man. He wasn’t expecting such a resilient response. He had to admit, she was a cute, quirky, and geeky person that made his heart flutter the more he talked with the woman. 

The two sat on the bench oddly enjoying each other's company and eating the delicious Italian lunch for about half an hour. Even though it was really cold outside, it didnt matter to them. It felt like Draco was genuinely having a great time with Sicily and he didn't want it to end. You might even say it was a first date at that. She seemed to be the only person that could get underneath his thick skin and actually make him chuckle, multiple times at that. Wait a minute, what was he thinking? It couldn’t have been a date. They were simply just having a decent lunch together. That was all. 

The half hour feels like seconds as the time flew by, though. They had already finished their lunch and Draco knew that he needed to get back and put the groceries away. Sicily seemed like she had her own plans to get back to as well, seeing how she was the one who had cut the event short. She did feel awful about ending their moment, so she paid for his Uber and waited with him until the Uber arrived to take him home.

***

Draco had an odd, empty feeling resting in his stomach as the Uber pulled up to Reuben's home. He was glad to be home and to have all the shopping finished; It felt like a huge weight was lifted off of his shoulders, but he still missed the company of Sicily. He thanks the driver for the ride after he collected all of his belongings and started for the front door, heaving all of the groceries along with him.

Draco raises a curious brow as he sees Reuben's car in the driveway. It was out of the ordinary to see Reuben's car here at this time, because he normally didn't come home until late at night. The rugged man adjusts the bags in his hands, dismissing the fact of the car being there only to be halted by a stray dog crossing his path in the driveway.

The dog looked like a black and brown German Shepard, but it had a deep cut along its left eye and it was faintly shivering from the cold winter air. Once Draco made eye contact with the canine, it slowly sat down and wagged its tail, patiently waiting. For what, Draco had no idea. He had seen this dog before. Multiple times at that. Reuben would always chase the dog away with his shoe whenever he saw him on the porch, but Draco never understood why. The rugged man cautiously approached the injured creature with a struggling hand to scratch behind its ears and the dog instantly dropped its mouth open and let its tongue hang out, clearly enjoying the attention and feeling of affection.

"You like that, dontcha boy?" As if in response to Draco, the dog barked and hopped up to place his paws onto the rugged man’s chest, trying to lick his face. Draco chuckled at the friendly creature and gave it a hug as he couldn't resist the poor, abandoned animal. He knew how being cold, lonely and abandoned felt and how much value was in the slightest amount of affection. He wasn’t fast enough to dodge as the canine licked his cheek a few times. "Okay, okay, down boy! Get down!" He had to force the dog down, seeing how the canine was overly excited from the rugged man and his attention. "What’s your name, anyway?" He muttered, trying to find a collar or dog tag on the animal, only to find nothing. The stray dog sat in front of the rugged man with excited eyes. It was hard for Draco to look back at the poor animal, but he knew that he couldn't take him into Reuben's house. The pediatrician had mentioned that he disliked dogs with a passion; for what reason, Draco had no clue. He gave the dog one last good rub and slipped past him in order to get to the front porch. The dog only sat in place, watching the rugged man as he stood on the porch, glaring back at the stray dog with guilt. “... You know what, fuck it.” He says as he grabs a slice of the prosciutto and tosses it to the stray dog. Immediately, the dog grabs the meat and runs into the grass, tearing the meat up and swallowing it savagely like he hadn’t eaten in a while. ‘You enjoy that, little buddy.” He whispers before sliding into the house. 

***

Draco released a light sigh as he was relieved to be back home and outside of the cold. Before he could enter the kitchen to set down the groceries, Reuben arose from the couch and greeted him with a cheerful grin.

"Welcome back, Draco. I assume everything went well?" The gentleman grabbed a few of the bags from the rugged man and led him into the kitchen.

"Yeah, but- wait, why are you home right now?" Draco asked, confusion coating his voice, as he sat the bags on the counter and began to take all of the items out. Reuben gives a slight chuckle as he takes the empty bag from Draco and throws it in the trash.

"I couldn't have you here while I wrapped up all the Christmas gifts, now could I?" He said, pointing at the elegant Christmas tree that now had multiple gifts resting underneath it. Draco rolled his eyes, aggravated at the fact that it would’ve been a whole lot easier if Reuben would’ve taken him to the store in the first place. “Oh, relax, would you? I thought I’d find you wearing an ear-to-ear grin from the clean slate you now have at the bar!"

"... Fine, just whatever... There better be a flask full of booze under there or you're catching fists." He falsely allowed the joke to slip off of his tongue, forgetting that he wasn't outside with Sicily anymore. Reuben doesn't mind though, and takes it as him finally getting into the Christmas spirit. "What's with the sweater?"

"Oh this old thing? You like it?” Humors Reuben as he stretches out the sweater in order to show off all the glowing Christmas lights and decorations on it. The rugged man only gives a disgusted look in disapproval at the ugly thing. "It even lights up, s-see?Ihktsh!" Reuben furrowed a confused brow as he barely caught the abrupt sneeze into a curled knuckle, feeling an overwhelming itch force entry into his sinuses and cut his shirt viewing short. 

A sharp, breathy inhale was the only thing Draco heard before he looked over to see Reuben twitching forward with each rapid sneeze, catching them with the top-side of his hand. "Hih-Ktsh! Hihktsh! Hh-Hihh! Hih'KSsh! HuhISsSCH'ue!!" The power of the tickling sensation was so strong and abrupt that his lungs didn’t know how to function properly with the irritant fighting in his sinuses.

He knew the feeling of this type of tickle. It wasn’t from sickness, nor from hay fever, and his house hadn’t been dusty enough to irritate him the past few days, so it could’ve only been one other thing.  A handful of muted gasps escape from the gentleman as he could feel his sensitive nose trembling in agony. 

“Hh-have youhh beenn playi’gw-wihh-hih! Wid dohh-gs??” The pediatrician struggled to ask between hitching breaths as he grabbed a few tissues from off of the counter with one hand and pinched his nostrils closed with his other hand. 

“Yeah, so what if I did?” Draco fired back, defensively as if the stray dog were under attack by the evil pediatrician. The gentleman only blew his nose in return, shaking his head from how intense the tickle was becoming. He instantly shuffled backwards after he blew into the handful of tissues for a second time, foolishly trying to expel the irritant as quickly as possible, only to rattle the irritant around and get hit with the full force of the tickling sensation. He coughed and fanned at the air as if doing so would remove the irritant that forced his nostrils to instantly tremble in aggravation. He could feel his body rejecting the irritant fiercely as his eyelids instantly slammed shut once again and his chest visibly bounced from the rapid, overwhelming breaths his body felt were necessary to take between each desperate sneeze he lazily caught in the handful of tissues. The sudden irritant caught both him and his body off guard as it physically tried to process what the devil Draco had brought into his presence. 

“D-Dr-a’KSh!Ihktsh!! Huh’kSsh!! I-Ihssh’uehh-hih! HihH’ksh’u!!… I-Ih-hhehh-HH…” Reuben barely squinted his eyes open to share a struggling glare with Draco, trying his hardest to speak but failed miserably, getting lost in his own sea of rapid hitches. The strength of the irritant forced the pediatrician to instantly jerk forwards into the damp handful of tissues with rapid, itchy explosions. 

“Hihktsh! Kshnt! IhKTSH-tsshIISsh! AlleH-Hh’Issh…! T-tIDSh’ue!! Hehh…D-dohhgs-s Hhgh-ihkssh’u! hHAH-ESsh’uekgshu! IH’KGshIEw!! Iksshu! Kgshu-IKGSshu!” The gentleman's body trembled with each sneeze as he struggled to take in a breath of air. He had foolishly tried to speak in-between the fit in vain as he had cut himself off with the rapid, tumbling sneezes. 

The rugged man gives Reuben a questioning glare as he released four more tired sneezes in-between desperate nose blows and irritated coughs into his handful of tissues. He didn't know that Reuben had a dog allergy; He also hadn't played with the canine for that long either, so he was confused as to why Reuben was having such a reaction.

"I'm a-allerhh-hih... Hahh...! Ihktsh!! Hheh'kssh-ISshu! 'EDSh'ue!! Ekgsh!! IsshShishh! IGSSch'uh! Hahh... Allergigk do dogs." He congestedly tried to explain again through disruptive hitches. 

Draco could see the pediatrician's pink tipped nose still twitching from the irritant lingering about as he dabbed away the allergic tears that started rolling down his cheeks with the side of his hand. He gave a sly smirk to himself, finding a hint of pleasure in seeing the arrogant pediatrician looking so vulnerable. It was nice to see Reuben knocked off of his high horse for a bit. 

"Well in that case, I want a dog." Draco humored to the pediatrician as he watched him still trying to catch his unsteady breath.

"Hah’KGshn! Ihgsh! Kgsch! H-how consihhderate o-of... Ih-Kgsshn! Hh-huh... youhh." His speech was still shaky and broken from the faint hitches riddled between his words. He blows his nose once again in an attempt to blow out the irritant that had entered his nostrils, but it does nothing but dampen the tissues further in his hand.  

 The gentleman irritably tells Draco to finish putting away the groceries and to throw his clothes into the washer as he left the room to take some allergy medicine, already beginning to feel miserable. He also couldn’t help but give a little chuckle to himself, finding the whole situation to be quite humorous. He only wondered how bad it would be if Reuben were to actually encounter a dog in person. 

The hot shower that Draco had been waiting for all day finally came and went, leaving him with a strong feeling of relief and relaxation. It felt like ten pounds had been lifted off of his shoulders, seeing how he still felt disgusting from that irritating encounter at the store. Reuben seemed to be feeling better as well, since he had stopped sneezing when he got out of the shower. He had to admit: The Christmas vibes were definitely present from both the nicely decorated Christmas tree and all of the decorations Reuben had been putting up all over the house. It was his first Christmas with the pediatrician, and it felt like it was going to be a great one at that.

December 24th

The loud clank of a pan serves as a rude awakening for the rugged man as he flinched awake from the couch. He tries to open his eyes but instantly slams them shut with a heavy wince from the blinding living room lights. A few light coughs escape from his grasp as he sluggishly wiped the sleep from his eyes. He felt groggy today. Groggier than usual. He releases a sluggish snuffle in an attempt to clear the wall of congestion that must’ve built up overnight. 

“Evening, Draco.” The lanky gentleman greeted from the kitchen, adding water to a pot before placing it on the stove top. “A pleasure to see you awake. I surely thought you were going to sleep the entire day away.” The rugged man remained silent as he blindly reached for his flask from off of the coffee table and instantly began consuming the alcoholic beverage, only to choke on the burn in his throat. That was strange. He thought that he was used to the burn of a little Whiskey. “How many times have I told you to stop drinking in the morning?” The rugged man winces, trying to clear his throat of the itch and now faint burn from the alcohol.

“Mornin’ to you too, asshole.” He muttered dismissively, hearing his own voice sound a little scratchier than usual. “HhUh-TDZSSH...!! EHh’GTSZSHh’UHH!! GOD--!! Damnit!!” He barely catches the first loud sneeze into the cup of his hand, almost spilling his flask from the force of the second loud sneeze that shakes his entire core. He yells a swear, feeling the most torturous burn scrape his raw throat from the loud morning sneezes. 

“Ah. Lovely.” The sarcastic tone from the gentleman earned a pained chuckle out of Draco as he struggled to choke down another swig from his flask. “I’m expecting company over soon. I’d recommend getting dressed and presentable.”

“Dressed and ‘presentable’? Screw off.” Reuben only sighed in return, not in the mood to put up with Draco’s shenanigans. A mild yawn escapes his lips as he glares at the clock resting on the stand. “3:30pm? Shit.” He mumbled as he rubbed a hand across his face in an attempt to wipe the sleep away as he got up to join the pediatrician in the kitchen. There were a lot of different foods scattered across all of the kitchen countertops with other food items cooking on the stove as well, and he was sure that he saw something baking in the oven. “Why the hell are you makin’ so much food?” Reuben abruptly stopped cutting the vegetables on the cutting board and sat his knife down in order to share a confused glare at Draco. 

“Draco, my family is coming over for the Holidays, remember?” His heart instantly sank after hearing those words. He had forgotten about Reuben’s family coming to visit. He dreaded this day as well because it was going to be the most awkward day of his life, which was probably the reason he had forgotten about it in the first place. “You do remember, don’t you?”

“HhUH-EGTSsh!! Y-yeah, sure. When are dhey cobin’ a-adywayhh? IH’TIZSSCH'ugh!! Shidt.” He asked between the forceful sneezes, dismissively trying to hide the fact that he truly had forgotten about his parents coming over. The gentleman raises a concerned brow at the second pair of harsh sneezes and gives the rugged man a quick gloss-over. 

“My blessings. Are you feeling well, Draco?” The pediatrician doesn’t hesitate to shove a cool palm underneath the man’s disheveled bangs and atop his clammy forehead out of his routine pediatric habit. “You look exhausted. Then again, when don’t you look exhausted?” Draco flinches and knocks away Reuben’s hand in return, before taking another swig from his flask. 

“’M fine. Your snooty parents must be talking about me already.” He humored, but not really. He didn’t want to offend the gentleman, but they both knew it was obvious. Reuben brushed off his comment, not disputing it either, seeing how Draco could’ve been right. His parents were a bit snobbish and he wouldn’t be surprised if they actually were talking about him right now.

“We agreed on 4pm, but knowing my family they’ll probably be knocking on the door any minute now. That is why I’d strongly advise getting dressed.” The rugged man leaned against the countertop in silence for a moment, trying to find at least someway to get out of this pickle he was forced into. 

“Why the hell do I gotta act all nice and prissy just to impress your damn parents? It ain’t like we gettin’ married.” He irritably muttered into his opened flask, dreading the evening he had to prepare for. The pediatrician took a moment to compose himself, trying not to let the stress of the day wash over him and cause him to say or do something he didn’t intend to. 

“Draco, can you please just wash up and get dressed? Don’t make this difficult. You can leave for the bar right after, I don’t care, just don’t embarrass me, please?” Draco gave the man a questioning look. He hadn’t heard the pediatrician ask him to do something in this pleading tone ever. It was... different. A bit concerning. 

“Whatever...” He grumbled, silently slipping out of the kitchen and leaving the pediatrician to continue cooking the feast in kitchen.

He had to admit that he was a little nervous about meeting Reuben’s family. If his family was as arrogant and uptight just like he was, it was going to be a long evening. Especially if Reuben was acting this way about his parents, something was definitely going to go down. He did seem like the type to have parents with high expectations and standards, which Draco knew that he wasn’t qualified for. Even though Reuben was how he was, he didn’t want to leave a bad impression on his family, but he couldn’t make any promises either. He knew that he was going to have to prepare himself to probably listen to his parent’s brag about how much money they make and how proud they are to have a Pediatrician as a son. He released a long sigh as he collected a some-what clean outfit, completely ignoring the pressed suit and tie that Reuben picked out for him, and headed into the bathroom. 

***

Draco took his time in the shower, not wanting to leave the bathroom at all and face a room of strangers. He already started to feel slightly worse from when he had woken up, seeing how his nose had begun to leak and itch more profoundly and his throat was really becoming agitated. He could already hear a few unfamiliar voices carrying into the restroom that made him uneasy. He was a complete stranger getting dumped into a family meet and greet. He knew that he would feel out of place and like he didn’t belong but there was no way to escape. All of his guests had already arrived and were chatting up a storm in the other room. He could make out Lirin’s high pitched voice, which gave him at least a little bit of comfort, but the other few voices made him release a tense sigh. This was going to be weird, but it was better to hurry up and get this over with now.

Draco slowly opened the bathroom door, deciding that it was time to leave the steamy bathroom so that the stuffy, warm air could stop making his nose leak so damn much. He carefully peered down the hallway, instantly being greeted by unfamiliar faces. There was a man with brown hair and glasses in a dark suit, looking like an older version of Reuben just with stubbles on his chin that was having a conversation with a mature woman, looking young for her age, with long, luscious brown hair; They looked like they had professions related in business or sales.

“Speak of the devil, that must be the man of the hour! My son here’s been tellin’ me all about ya!” The man in the suit said with open arms as Draco approached the group. He instantly pulled the rugged man in for a tight hug that took the breath away from him and caused him to cough over the man’s shoulder. “Don’t be shy! We’re all family here.” After a brief moment, he finally let go and gave Draco a good look over. “You look well! Seems like you’ve made yourself right at home.” The rugged man remained silent, unsure of how to respond to the sudden change of tone from his last sentence.

“Oh, don’t mind him, honey.” The woman said as she straightened up Draco’s shirt. “Donovan’s always been such a hard-ass to all of Reuben’s new friends, haven’t you, Donny?” She said, abruptly giving Donovan a death glare. “My name’s Colette.” Before he could even reply to the woman, Donovan stepped closer to Draco with judging eyes.

“I just don’t want my son to have any bad influences or distractions. You know how it is.” Draco took an uncomfortable step backwards, feeling the tense atmosphere weighing on his shoulders. He already felt like he was being pulled in both directions from both parents. The rugged man froze, feeling like the dark glare from Reuben’s father was judging his every move and action. He curses internally, feeling his nose start to run again, knowing that he can’t do anything about it at this moment.

“Dad I’ve told you countless times, he’s not a distraction. I’ve been doing just fine even with him here.” Reuben said through an irritated sigh as he stressfully massaged the bridge of his nose. Donovan instantly approaches Reuben with a stern voice, clearly not fond of the entire situation. It seemed like none of his words were getting through to him.

“Mmm. And just how long does this Draco plan on staying here?” The rugged man forcefully took this opportunity to turn around and grab a few tissues and wipe his nose, before the leakage had the chance to become visible. A hint of relief crosses over him as he quietly blew into the tissues. It was a soft enough blow to the point where it didn’t draw any attention away from the conversation.

“Ease up, darling. It’s Christmas. We came down here to enjoy the holiday with our son and niece. Besides, Draco looks like a responsible young man. If our son says he’s fine with him being here, leave it at that.”

“Yeah, Draco is SUCH a RESPONSIBLE young man.” Lirin childishly chimed in, hugging Reuben loosely from his side. “You should see how RESPONSIBLE he is when he’s drunk.” She smirked. Draco bit his tongue, trying his best to catch himself from saying an angry remark. Just hearing her sarcasm made him clench his teeth.

“Is that so…?” The voice of a clearly intrigued and curious woman fills the room as Sicily enters the house and locks the door behind her. “We’ll have to grab a drink later.” She flashes Draco a charming wink that makes him instantly look away.

"Sicily, darling! We thought you wouldn't be able to make it! What a pleasant surprise!" Colette exclaims in surprise as she embraces the woman. “Is that alcohol I smell on your breath?”

"Mom, relax. What are you, a police officer? It’s Christmas!” Sicily’s entrance cuts through the tense atmosphere as she gives Donovan, Reuben and Lirin a hug in greeting. “Anywho, don’t be shy now, Draco, was it?” She gave the rugged man a playful nudge in his side as she pulled him over onto the couch. Draco doesn't fight her as he allows himself to be forced down onto the couch, feeling both relieved that he got snatched away from the demonic man, but also, dare he say 'happy' to see Sicily for a second time. "Some parents, huh?" She says after observing Draco's facial expressions. "I know. Dad can be quite the handful. Just make sure mom doesn't get a hold of any wine, or that could be a real shit-show." She giggled to herself as she kicked off her boots. “Last year, mom had a liiiiittle too much of the holiday nog and almost broke all of my drinking glasses. Wanna know how? She was throwing them at pops for losing 10 grand in one of his stock investments.” Another, louder giggle erupts from Sicily, earning a darted glare from Donovan towards Draco. 

“Um, excuse me everyone. Dinner is almost ready, so if you all could please relocate to the dining room…” Reuben muttered, placing the dinner rolls on the table.”

  ***

“Honey, this looks delicious!” Colette exclaims, looking at all of the food Reuben had prepared. It did look delicious. How one man could make so many different dishes all by himself beat Draco. He did a really nice job with everything, but of course, he wasn’t going to tell Reuben that.

“Let’s dig in!!” Lirin exclaimed before instantly chowing down on her over-piled plate. She was the first to make her plate before anyone else cold even touch the food.

There were so many silverware and differently sized plates on the table and it made Draco squirm internally. It felt like he was being setup. He and Reuben both knew that he didn’t have any knowledge about dining etiquette, or any etiquette in general. Hell- he doesn’t even know the name of anything that’s on his plate! He’s sure that everything on the dining table was fancy and had a L or Lu in front of it. He wouldn’t be surprised if Reuben’s family called their glasses of water: L’agua. 

The rugged man watched as all of the family members delicately picked up their proper utensils and began to elegantly cut and eat the food on their plates. It was like he was in the realm of gods and goddesses and he was the only human in sight, attempting to mimic their custom. Even Lirin somehow managed to mask her gluttony. It was hard to even think about eating, seeing how he could barely survive the coldhearted looks that Donovan was darting his way. He could tell that he was subtly watching him, waiting to see which utensil he would pick up first and judge him if he grabbed at the wrong one.

“Aren’t you going to eat, Draco?” Reuben’s mom gave him a concerned look as she noticed he hadn’t touched his plate. “Your food will get cold soon. It really is good, I promise!” 

"Mom? Please." She whispered, feeling insulted. "Hey Draco, wanna blow this joint and go get some drinks? Lirin tells me you're a real drinker."

“I thought you’d never ask…” He replied with a nervous laugh, giving Reuben almost a puppy dog look of ‘please let me leave, this is my only escape.’ His parents tried to talk them out of it, but of course, Draco can’t be talked out of consuming alcohol.

***

 The music being played from the piano at the back of the bar rang blissfully in their ears as they entered the bar. It wasn’t too crowded, surprisingly. A soft aroma of alcohol filled the air as the two slowly approached the counter. There was a nice Christmas tree set up near the piano that lit up the room, with a male bartender wiping out a glass behind the counter.

“How can I help you?” The man said as he tossed the towel onto his shoulder and sat the glass down onto the rack.

“Let me get two shots of Bourbon for me and my friend here please.” Sicily ordered as she took a seat on the bar stool. The bartender nodded in understanding as he grabbed a bottle and started pouring the alcohol. Draco hesitantly sat down in the stool beside the woman, still tense and a bit uncomfortable with going into a bar with the pediatrician’s sister. “Relax, I just want to loosen up and have a couple of drinks with you.” She muttered, pulling out a cigarette from the paper carton and resting it on her rose red lips. She shared a short glance with Draco before it was awkwardly broken by the rugged man pretending to clear his throat.

 As the night went on, the fuzzier his head was beginning to feel. He had only had 5 shots and he could already feel himself starting to get a little more than tipsy. It was weird; Usually he could down more shots than this without feeling a buzz this early on. He could hardly think, let alone keep up with what Sicily was saying, not like what she was saying mattered, anyway. Draco was sure that she was one shot away from being completely plastered, seeing how her cheeks were flushed and her words were so slurred that it was a challenge to understand a word coming from her.

“It’s nice to let lose every once in a while, and take a break from all this classy shit.” She says, hoping to break the tension while allowing a long sigh to escape from her lips, causing a stream of gray smoke to bounce off of the counter-top and disperse into the air.

"You're tellin' me..." Draco muttered, grabbing the shot glass from the bartender and immediately scarfing it down like it were a dose a vicodine. "I could barely manage back there."

"Yeah..." Sicily distantly mutters, glaring down at the shot glass in her hand for a moment before irritably scarfing it down as well with haste.

“HhH’EGJISCH…!! ‘EGSSCHIUH!!” The rugged man dove forwards over the counter, holding his glass of whiskey away from him in vain so that hopefully it didn’t spill when he jerked forward with both of his itchy explosions. “O-oh shit! *hic*” He yelled with a breathy chuckle, finding humor from both Sicily’s laughter and the discovery of a small splash of alcohol that had spilled onto the counter from his glass. Sicily had toppled over onto the drunk man’s chest in laughter, struggling to breathe from how hard she was laughing. Draco’s own laughter abruptly stopped as the burning in his nostrils was still intense and flaring about.

“HhUH…!!” He sloppily leaned backwards with a deep inhale, barely able to stay upright from the weight of Sicily leaned so close up against him. He can feel his nostrils trembling in irritation from the burning as he slams his eyelids shut and dipped forwards again, slamming his glass onto the counter-top.

“Hhih…! Hhg’TIZSSCH’uhh! *hic* h-HUhgDzZSSCH’uhgg!!” His reflexes aren’t in tune from the alcoholic fuzziness as he is slow in turning his head away from the drunk woman. The first sneeze flies over Sicily’s head and lands on the counter-top, but he is able to partially turn his head over to the right and aim the second slurred mess of a sneeze towards the ground. Sicily shrieks in surprise from the two loud sneezes, feeling his chest tense up and shove her forwards, but she instantly smothered her chuckles into her hands as she pulled away from Draco and took a sip of alcohol from her shot glass. The rugged man brings up a sluggish, curled knuckle to lazily wipe underneath his faintly twitching nostrils, only to feel how moist and leaky they had been.

“Sh-shidt… Hheh…” He tries to cup his hand in order to lazily cover the disgusting mess on the lower half of his face, but before he can even ask for a tissue, his chest inflates quickly, forcing him to lean back once more with a disturbed grimace on his face. “

Sicily sloppily reaches into her purse, fumbling over herself as she takes out her handkerchief and shoves it into his cupped hand.

“Pineapple!” Sicily yelled abruptly, before he could even finish the oncoming sneeze.

“HhUHh’G-ghhn…?” The forceful hitch is instantly interrupted as his fuzzy and sluggish brain tried to wrap his mind around the randomness of the word pineapple. He sat there for a moment, confused, still waiting for the impending sneeze but the tingling in his sinuses had slightly died down to a quieter itch at the back of his nose.

“Ahh YEP, works everytimee.” She tiredly mused, downing her last shot of whiskey. Two hiccups escaped from her mouth once she downed her last shot and she giggled to herself before she flipped the shot glass upside down onto the counter.

“I use’to do thaht with Reuben when he’ws younger. That boy hadth’ most sensitive nose I’d ever seen. Once he start’d sneezin’ there was no goin’ back. ‘less you yell ‘pineapple!’ a’the right time. That’ll do it.” She muttered, fighting the effects of the alcohol that were trying to make her pass out on the counter-top.

"Hey... I wann' tell you somethin' an... An' you bettnot l-laugh..." The rugged man rubbed his face, feeling his mouth and tongue gradually becoming numb. It was definitely weird. He was feeling a lot of things tonight, both good and bad. He looked at Sicily with tired eyes, watching her back rise and sink with each breath she took as she rested on the counter with her head faced down in her arms. She grunted softly, as if signaling to Draco that she was still listening. "I... I r-really like you, you know tha?"

"Oh, that's nice. Me too." She muttered, giggling softly in her folded arms. At that moment, Draco's heart flew out of his chest as he struggled to sit upright.

"I'll have the ramen too. No eggs..." She weakly reached out to grab Draco's arm and shook it gently, "Please no eggs. I don't want eggs." He sighed and rolled his eyes, realizing that Sicily must've been talking in her sleep.

   December 25th 

“Hhg’tdsszhh! ‘Egsschh!!” The two tired sneezes were lazily stifled and released into the air as he shuffled around covered in his soft blanket in which he wore like an oversized jacket. He gently scrunches his nose around, feeling the tickle remaining at the same strength. He was lifelessly lying on the couch, too fatigued to do anything. Too exhausted to even sniff away the wetness leaking from his sore nostrils. What was the point? He had been sniffling and snuffling all night; every time he sneezed, the wetness quickly returned anyway. He was so congested to the point where it sounded like he was inhaling pudding every time he took a breath. The room was still dark, besides the random flashing lights of the elegant Christmas tree in the corner of the room. He audibly winced from the pressure pounding in his head with the pulsing of his veins. Drinking alcohol all day probably wasn't the best call, he had to admit. He felt so worn out and tired but he couldn't fall asleep; Not even the word Christmas could bring his spirits up. He snuffled lightly, too exhausted to even sniffle as hard as he needed to. His body tensed up reflexively as a shiver crept down his spine, forcing his body to quiver every once in a while. Blankets. N-need more blankets. A-and huhh-

“Draco…? Are you up?” The soft, sleepy and tender voice of Sicily cuts through his suffering as he can just barely see a thin figure slowly approaching from down the hall. She slowly made her way over to the couch and noticed the poor, sickly body lying there in pain. Her sleepy expression changes instantly to concerned when she observes the sick body closely. “Draco, you look horrible!” She exclaimed in an intense whisper, not trying to wake up the sleeping pediatrician. She held his clammy cheeks and frowned, giving them a smooth rub with her thumb to clear the sweat away. “You’re boiling! And-- Oh...”

"Ehh'hoOo! Hh-hih- HIH'gdzssh!" He can feel his cheeks start to blush a light pink as he barely realizes that he had sneezed on Sicily's neck and chest; He wanted to pull away but he was too exhausted and fever struck to do anything.

“HEH'Ssgk! ’M-m alrigh’. ‘ll jus’… Jus’ do the sleep. EEH'HooOgk! Hih'gSHUHhgk!Tiredhh…” He muttered, finding it complicated to compose the proper sentences and to communicate in general. At this point, he had partially given up stifling, forcing his sneezes to sound like a mixture of a cough and a mild yell. Sicily gave him a worried look, finding it odd to see a person so delusional and out if sorts. She was too worried to feel disgusted.

“Hey, Draco! Wake up! I ne...ed you t.. sta... Awa... Ke..!"

Draco wasn’t sure what dimension he had stumbled upon, but he couldn't hear or see Sicily anymore; He felt like he was asleep but at the same time, he wasn’t sure if he was. The blackness around him began to swirl into a spiral as if he were entering a portal, and before he could comprehend what was happening, he was back home in his old house. All the lights were off in the house but the single overhead kitchen light, which severed as a homing beacon to the rugged man. There was a tall, slender woman that stood hovering over the stove, humming an all too familiar tune.  

“Mm?” The woman slowly turned around to face the rugged man as if she were moving through molasses. The crimson locks resting beneath her shoulders dangled behind her back as she gave him a pained smile. “Just in time for dinner. Have a seat.” The bags underneath her eyes were complimented with a subtle dark circle, indicating that she had been overly exhausted and worn out for days on end. “Dinner’s almost ready.” 

“N-no, I...” Something isn’t right. Before he could do anything, the creaking of the front door catches his attention.

“M-mom...?” His words came out sluggish and muffled, as if he were moving in a time warp. With each hesitant step he took, the world around him blurred and swashed around, colors blending and smothering each other like dye on cake batter. The single word that he spoke seemed to echo for ages and bounce off of the walls and floors with a weird reverb like they were in a mutated cave. 

“You heard your mother, boy.” A dark tone from behind brings a boil to the blood flowing throughout Draco’s veins. He knew that voice all too well.  “Sit like a good dog.” 

“You...” He clenches his fists, feeling all of his uncontrollable anger rising to the surface.

“Draco. Draco, get up! Draco--!?”�� He could barely hear the screams of his mother behind him as he was too busy dashing towards the figment of his father with a bawled fist, ready for a solid punch.

“I’LL KILL YOU!! YOU FUCKING MONSTER!!!” His own battle cries begin to drown out the loud crackling of the now roaring fire engulfing the walls and flooring. The dark, bulky body in front of him kept a cool smirk on his face, even in the given situation, which angered the rugged man and the fire even more.

“Draco, stop it!! Draco--!!!” The fear-filled screams from his mother began to cut in and out, almost mutating into the worried screams of the pediatrician.“Draco!!! Stop! Wake up! Blast--, he’s not responding!” Reuben yelled as he was holding on to Draco’s arms.

“We need to get him into some cold water, NOW! Start the bath!” Sicily nodded and darted for the bathroom, immediately starting to fill the tub with the coldest water she could. "Draco, you're hallucinating! WAKE UP, DAMN IT!" There was a slight shakiness to Reuben's voice as he struggled to pin the rugged man down. He had been in situations like this before and seen it plenty of times, but something about seeing Draco in such a broken state filled the pediatrician with more than just a little worry. 

“I-I’ll fucking--... Kill you... I swear it...”  The rugged man exhaustedly muttered, trying to punch the air but failing, since Reuben was holding him down in place.

"Reuben, the tubs halfway full!" Sicily yelled from the bathroom. The pediatrician signals for her to come and help him drag the sick corpse into the bathroom, in which she doesn't hesitate to do.

He was a tall, heavy and sickly thing. It took them a while to get him off of the couch with him fighting the two while weakly kicking and punching at the air as if doing so would hurt his invisible enemy. You could imagine how tough it was for them to force him into the bathroom, let alone the freezing bathtub.

"Help me get his shirt and jeans off..." Reuben muttered to his sister as he forced the rugged man to sit down on the toilet lid.

"W-whahd are yhou d-doig, pervert?!" Draco yelled, eyes sluggishly tracing the room and barely staying open. "G-Gedhh... HEH'Gdzsshiew!" The sneeze sprays the pediatrician’s pajama shirt as he temporarily flinches in disgust, but he doesn't let it bother him. He's in pure focus mode, as a trained pediatrician should be. "EHHgtsshnk!! Thad's whad you ged, b-bast.. bah.. heh-"

"Don't mind him, Sicily. He'll be fine." He says, noting Sicily watching with an expression on her face that he couldn’t read, but mainly to himself to give him some sort of relief while dealing with the given situation. He bites his lip, having mixed feelings about the situation. "L-Let's get him into the tub." The two nearly shove the rugged man into the cold pool of water, causing a lot of it to be spilled onto the bathroom floor. It only takes a second of being in the freezing water for him to snap out of it and realize where he was. Reuben sighs, feeling his heart nearly beating out of its chest. He had never seen Draco in such a state before in his life, and it worried him more than any patient he ever had. “Could you use this cup and pour some cold water over him?” He says, handing Sicily the small cup. “We still need to cool his body temperature down before he overheats. I need to go ge… some water. T-towels…” Before Sicily can even say anything, Reuben darted out of the room and closed the door behind him. She knew exactly what that meant.

“I need to ge… some water. T-towels…”

She heard him repeat it in her head. The tone in his voice when he said it. The strain and slight shake towards the ending. The pause in between and after. She gripped the cup tighter in slight anger. Two loud coughs from the rugged man jolt Sicily out of her own thoughts and redirect her attention. She can’t help but give the rugged man a good gloss over. He was visibly shivering in place, causing little ripples to bang against to tub walls. He looked like a dead corpse that still managed to breathe in her eyes. His red nose didn’t even attempt to hold back the sickly fluids that dripped down onto his chin and bare chest. He was too cold and out of it to care or do anything about it. She could see a tinge of black starting to linger underneath his eyes and his cheeks looked like pieces of cotton candy against his ghostly pale skin. She dipped the cup in the water on his side until it was submerged in the water and poured it over his head. He didn’t even flinch. He was probably too dazed to even feel the cold water, she thought to herself.

“… ‘ts c-cold m-mom-mm…” He barely mutters through chattering teeth, slowly closing his eyes and leaning back into the tub. Sicily immediately drops the cup and grabs the rugged man before his back can fully sink into the tub.

“Draco! Hey-hey, you have to sit up! Look at me!” She says, voice sounding strained from pushing the rugged man forward to sit upright. Draco doesn’t respond, allowing his body to fully go limp into Sicily’s arms. Sicily grunts, barely being able to keep Draco above the water from her current position. She hunches over the bathtub, trying to find the right position to comfortably hold Draco upright, but falls forward into the cold water on top of him. She releases a heavy exhale from the abrupt submersion in cold water and immediately pulls Draco’s upper half out of the water and into her chest as if he were hugging her. The rugged man takes in an immediate deep gasp and releases a handful of wet coughs over her shoulder, shivering like a madman. The woman gives a soft smile to herself, feeling the grown mans body tremble underneath her arms. She allows her fingers to rest on his clammy back, enjoying the feeling of his body up against hers so tight and closely. She closes her eyes, feeling warm from both Draco’s body and the happiness and comfort of Draco’s embrace. It felt as if time stood still for ages as the two leaned up against each other in the tub. Draco’s body had calmed down from the event, besides the constant sniffles, and they just sat there together. Holding each other. 

“S-Sicily…” Draco’s faint whisper barely cut through the thin silence.

“It’s me, Draco.” She whispered back softly, still resting her head atop of Draco’s shoulder and hugging him. The rugged man slowly pulled away and nuzzled their foreheads together. She kept her eyes closed, enjoying the company of the rugged man. She moaned softly, feeling the warmth from his forehead rub against hers. The warmth from his fever radiated off of his face against her skin, summoning a faint smirk to cross her lips. She can feel her heart race a little from the shift in the room as she feels a cold hand rake through the side of her hair. She flinches as the cold water from his hand drip down her left side. His hot breath comforts her as she smells a hint of Marlboro and leftover booze beam closer. She can feel his shaky breaths get stronger and closer as his warm lips come in contact with hers. He gives her a long peck on her soft lips, allowing her body language to convey to him if he should stop or proceed. She gasps internally, half knowing what was happening and half not. She doesn’t fight it though, and brings up a hand to trace a line down his chest as he pulls her closer and gives her two more deep kisses. He can’t help but moan as she gently pushes his head closer to hers. It was a very intimate moment, that’s for sure. If Draco had any questions, they had all been answered right now.

He slowly pulls away and nuzzles her forehead again, allowing them both to catch their breath. Sicily’s eyes were locked onto his as she seductively licked her lips, signaling that she was ready for more. He swallows down a cough as she leans up against his chest again, but this time, pushing him back and forcing him to lay his back against the curve of the tub wall. Draco is caught off guard by this action and flinches, uncertain of what she was going to do next. He can feel his heart begin to race as she starts to give him kisses on the top half of his chest.  Once she reaches his neck, she rests her body on his and starts to give him pecks all over his face. She reaches his nose and gives it two pecks, feeling her insides start to get all warm and excited.

Her adrenaline was rushing all over for many different reasons. She knew about Reuben. She knew about him being gay and she knew about his sneezing fetish. She knew he had the hots for Draco way before he himself probably did. She knew that something was off when he said he needed to get some water. He couldn’t handle Draco sneezing on him or him being practically naked in the bathtub. She herself didn’t have the fetish, but she was overly curious about what was so appealing about it. She couldn’t knock it until she tried it at least; she was already in the mood to get dirty with Draco. It did give her a rush knowing that she had the man Reuben had his eyes on. She was doing things to Draco that Reuben would probably never get to do. Draco sneezing on him was probably the closest thing he would ever get. 

“S-Sicily I—… Hh…” He whispered weakly, closing his eyes and slowly lifting a hand to his face. She immediately grabs his wrist and shoves it back down into the water and holds his other hand hostage under the water as well.

“I know.” She says, watching his red, glistening nose twitch above her. Another peck from Sicily occurs on top of his nose. She can feel his chest rise with another weak inhale. “Don’t worry, I don’t mind. Just sneeze.” Draco snuffles twice, giving Sicily a confused glare.

“W-waih wah?” He says, trying to lift his hand again only to have Sicily press more weight down against it and prevent him from doing so.

“You heard me.” She reaches her head up to Draco’s, using her nose to lightly rub against the moist rims of his nose to try to coax out the sneeze before he can say anything else.

“B-but I ne—” Sicily shushes him and pecks him on the lips before continuing to rub his nose in different patterns and speeds. He produces two loud snuffles, sounding both thick and wet, which creates a spark in Sicily’s eye. “W-wa- HhiH… Hih! W-wahd are y-you HiHh…. Hh-doig??” He manages to say before tilting his head back against his will, involuntarily trying to escape from the induced tickling sensation on his already sensitive nose. She reaches up to follow him, giving a subtle giggle, enjoying the chase.

“Stop fighting me and just do it already.” She says as she can feel his chest practically jumping with each stuttered inhale. Cold, clear sick coats the tip of her nose as she feels his nostrils twitching up against it. She knew that it was building up in there to the point where his nose was crying and leaking sick tears for a release.

“HhuH! …. Hh-hUh! HhIH!” She tightens the grip on his wrists in anticipation, feeling slightly aroused by it all. It was like waiting for the inevitable. A devilish smile creases her lips as she watches the rugged man’s face grimace in torment. He snuffles thickly a few times in vain, as the sick just leaked immediately back down anyway; he just accepted the fate of not being able to use his hands. He felt awkward not being able to have the freedom to cover his mouth. He wanted to turn away from her but he knew that wasn’t what she wanted. He curses mentally, feeling a little embarrassed but more irritated with the pestering itch in his sinuses.

“HIH… HHIH…! HHG’TIZGSSSSCHK’ughh!” She slams her eyes shut and flinches hard, unprepared for the sudden cold spray of sickly fluids. She wasn’t sure what position she was supposed to be in for the actual sneeze. She was too intrigued by the satisfaction of him suffering with his nose to think that far ahead. But this was something… new. “H-HUhgDzZSSSGCCH’kguhgg!! ‘HEEHGSSZCHH’uhh!!!” The second batch of mist sprays her face and she can feel glops of sick make contact with her face and chest that start to slowly drip down. At first she’s disgusted, but she is oddly satisfied in a way. The third sneeze hits her back-to-back with a new batch of wetness, and by this point, she feels like she’s being rewarded for her good deeds. A subtle moan is released, more to herself as she realizes that she liked it more than she thought she would. “Eh… HehhgKSSZCHHh’kt!!” She squirms, feeling a rush when his body jerks underneath her from the harsh coughs that follow; the rattling coughs remind him of how much he feels like a pile of crap all over again. Sick was all over both of them and he knew it. It was hard not to hide all of it, especially since he didn’t have his hands to cover or wipe away at it, and his nose was practically drooling over her nose tickling his. There was bound to be a lost of discharge. He can feel his cheeks start to flush a dark red from embarrassment as he tries so hard to sniff everything away. All he wanted to do was get out of the bath and hide on the couch. “S-sorry.” He mutters between sniffles and nose twitches, feeling slightly guilty as he tried to clean himself up without his hands.

“Thanks.” She says, kissing his now sick coated lips and giving him a smile. “Now I know.” Draco pauses for a moment, surprised at what he was hearing. Was he still hallucinating from the fever?

“Huh..??” He says, overly congested, trying to clean himself up with the bath water now that his hands are free.

“Now I know that you are the one… And this secret stays between us.” She said with a final kiss before getting out of the tub. The whole time she dried herself and left the room, Draco was still sitting there dumbfounded, overly confused about everything. He didn’t know how to feel. He was happy that he pretty much made out with his newfound crush, but… What the hell just happened??? Was any of this real..? N-no… It couldn’t have been…

“… I need to go the fuck to sleep…” He muttered before sinking into the tub again

***

“Reuben, I don’t care! I wanna open gifts now!” A loud, high-pitched voice rings the ears of Draco and causes him to stir awake against his will. “We’ve waited long enough! It’ll be New Years if we wait for him to get up!”

The rugged man sluggishly cracked open an eyelid to be blinded by the Christmas lights from the tree and the fire in the fireplace. Someone must’ve moved me back onto the couch… What the fuck… Immediately he feels his nose start to run like a faucet as he tries to sit up on the couch. He grimaces when his body aches and finds it a challenge to even sit upright. He sniffles a few times, trying to stop the leakage but it does nothing but make the sick dance around in his nostrils before returning back to the same spot it was in before so he just gives up and lets it stay there, too fatigued to attempt to blow his nose or wipe it. His heart skips a beat as he notices Sicily lying on the floor right beside the couch.

“Look who’s awake!” The pediatrician says, relieved to see him up and at ‘em. “Did we wake you?” Draco only sniffles in return, feeling grumpy and too sick to respond. He just wanted it to end. And by it, he means everything. This damn cold, flu, whatever the hell that kid gave him, Christmas, this day, pretty much EVERYTHING. Just leave him alone. “You should go back to bed and get some rest if you still aren’t feeling that well, Draco.”

“I wahs tryig do before your loud ass woge be ubp!” He yelled congestedly, coughing into the blanket right after. He winces, feeling his entire body feeling sore; inside and out. It felt like his whole body would break if he coughed or sneezed again.

“Okay, okay! Everybody calm down.” Reuben says, looking more towards Lirin as she raised a fist to him. “Don’t get too riled up, Draco. Your body is still recovering.” The rugged man leans back into the couch feeling defeated and overtaken by pain. He just wanted someone to put him out of his misery.

“I… I deed sobe paid bedicinde.” He mumbles through wet sniffles, sounding clearly beat down and worn.

“I’ll get them.” Sicily says, stretching from the floor before Reuben can leave the room. He freezes for a second but then nods in acceptance for her to get the meds. She returns a moment later, with the bottle of NyQuil and pours him a cup.

“I deed like… dhree o’ dhose…” He mutters through a strained voice as he shots the cap of medicine down.

“You ‘deed’ to blow your nose.” She jokingly mocks, pouring him a second cap full of NyQuil and handing him some tissues. He snuffles dismissively and jokingly steals the cap, chugging it down and returning it back to her with a mumbled ‘fuck you’ under his breath. She giggles, feeling slightly relieved that the old Draco was starting to come back a little. Reuben distantly watches the two from the distance, feeling a little excluded and odd. He knew something was going on here, but he wasn’t sure.

The gurgling sound in the tissues grabs the attention of the entire room as Draco gives one good blow into the handful of tissues. One blow and that’s it. Fuck it. He was too tired and that single blow took the wind and force away from him. He weakly coughed a few times into the tissues and threw them onto the floor, immediately sinking back into the couch.

“Let’s do the fucking gifts so you assholes can get out and leave me the hell alone.” He mutters, voice barely audible.

***

The gift exchange was fun for the most part. Everyone was having a great time except for Draco of course. Everyone seemed happy with their gifts. Reuben bought him a brand-new motorcycle so that he didn’t have to Uber or wait for him to drive him around. Lirin bought him a book on tips for being sober. And Sicily went out and got him a new flask with a bottle of Jack Daniels and a pack of Marlboros. One thing he could say was that this was the first Christmas that he had in a long while that actually felt homie. And it was the first Christmas that he had been too sick to participate in the festivities for.

“Alright Draco. Thanks for being apart of our Christmas and opening the gifts. We’ll get out and let you rest.” Reuben says, watching the NyQuil already start to take its’ toll.

Reuben and Lirin walk out of the room, leaving Sicily and Draco together again. She was sitting beside the rugged man on the right side of the couch. They sat together in a peaceful silence, besides Draco sniffling every couple of seconds. He didn’t mind her company. If anything, he was glad that she decided to stay.

“Alright, you’re tired. Time to go back to sleep.” Sicily says as she tries to get comfortable on the couch. “Come here.” She gently tugs on his arm for him to come closer to her on the couch. He exhaustedly obliges and nearly collapses into her chest, shifting around to get comfortable in her embrace. She blushes a little, feeling his head resting on her chest. Best Christmas gift ever, she thought to herself. She closed her eyes and raked her fingers through his damp hair, massaging his scalp as she tried to fall asleep wit the sick rugged man. She cracks an eye open as she feels the rugged man shift uncomfortably in her embrace and freeze before lightly jerking forwards twice, releasing two weak sneezes aimed at the floor.

“Hhuh’kgDTzsshn! Eh’Dsschkn!” The two weak sneezes take whatever energy he had left and he doesn’t even sniffle, feeling his entire body becoming too tired to do anything at the moment. He can only release a shaky exhale and collapse into Sicily’s embrace. She smiles, feeling overwhelmingly happy at the situation.

“Merry Christmas to me…” She happily mutters to herself before joining Draco in a long, well deserved sleep. 

END. 

Hopefully it was worth the wait LOL XD A lot is going on in this fic but I like’d working on it even though I had some intense writers blocks lol xD Like I said, I’m working on like 5 different fics all at the same time hahaha so hopefully I can post those because I been writing a lot, just not all on the same fic ahaha.

#Its finished! #omg #took forever lol #draco and reuben #sicily? :3 #snzfic #snz #cold #sickfic #sick #MY OCs #Christmas #newyears #bitch its February lol #didnt really proof read it #i was like bitch just post the damn fic #wtf r u doing you pleb #its been over a year #snez #snezfic

[buckyreaderrecs]

A Toast to Whiskey: Chapter 2 / 2

CLICK TO READ PART ONE

Summary: You work in an old bar hidden away from the modern world. It’s almost charming, but not quite. That’s probably why Bucky likes it.

Part 2: Steve finds Buck, then you. Lush! Bucky and a cat! Christmas! Domestic bliss! 

Words: 10,093 Pairing: Bucky Barnes/reader Characters: Bucky Barnes, Steve Rogers, Peter Parker Additional tags: Bucky needs a hug, recovering Bucky, mostly canon compliant (Infinity War and Endgame didn’t happen, Stark Tower still exists), angst, she/her pronouns, brief mention of Nazis, mention of suicide attempt (no scenes of it though), medium level discussion of Bucky’s past trauma, Peter is mentioned and has one line, v briefly mentioned: Sharon/Peggy/Sam/Wanda/Pepper, friendship with Steve, Lush Cosmetics, Steve/Bucky friendship

Dedicated to: all the people that helped brainstorm Christmas gifts - @browngirlmagic @megthemewlingquim @pinnedandneedled @cosmicbreathe @headmistressofbitchcraft @valkyriesryde

Note:  When I thought of this fic, I split it into two parts that were meant to be equal. Part one was 2,325 words. This one is 10,093. I am sorry. Lol.

A Toast to Whiskey Chapter 2 / 2

To say you missed Bucky's presence was an understatement. It was kind of remarkable, actually. Considering how quiet he was, how he mostly just sat, it seemed strange to miss him so deeply, but that you did. He'd been in your life for months. To have him suddenly not there was a lesson in soft brutality. Others noticed too.

"Miss ya boyfriend there, missy?" the regulars teased.

"Where'd that mystery man get to then?" co-workers asked.

When two weeks Bucky-less came and went, you finally resigned to the fact that maybe you'd just have to let it go. You'd have to stop wondering if The Avengers had a phone number. You'd have to stop taking detours wherever you were going just to pass Stark Tower in the hopes you'd cross paths with Bucky. You'd just have to… stop.

Then the most surreal thing happened. Captain fucking America walked through the bar's door.

It was around midday on a Friday. You'd just opened up and were still pulling chairs from the tabletops from where they rested overnight. A few regulars were sat at the bar, waiting for their table to be set up over by the television screen. They paid no mind to Steve Rogers as he stepped into the dimly lit room, the streams of light he briefly let in highlighting the dust particles in the air.

When you saw him, your stomach dropped and your heart jumped out of your mouth. As Steve approached, you stumbled backwards, recollections of all bad news delivered before flashing in your mind.

Please, no.

"Hi. Are you Y/N?" he asked. When you managed to nod your head, he continued, his voice calm. "I'm-"

"I know. Is he okay?" you interrupted.

Steve had been interrupted many times. He was used to it. Another thing he was unfortunately accustomed to was giving people bad news.

"Yes. We’ve found him-"

"He was missing?!"

The volume of your voice drew attention from the people at the bar. "You right there, Y/N?" one of them asked.

"Yeah, yeah, Dave. Thanks. I'm alright."

Looking back to Steve, you caught the last split second of a smirk being willed off his face. "Y/N," Steve started. "Buck doesn't… doesn't know I know about you. But…"

"Where is he?"

"He's fine. He's at the Tower," he answered, his hands coming up in a defensive position. "Look, Y/N. I think he needs a friend…"

"What are you?" you snapped, suddenly blaming Steve for whatever had happened.

There was silence while you watched each other, working each other out.

Steve had not purposefully set out to spy on Bucky, or anything of that nature. In passing Peter Parker had said, "Mr. Rogers Captain Rogers Sir," and told him how he thought it was super cool that Bucky Barnes' local pub was across the road from a place Peter sometimes bought bubble tea from. It sparked curiosity that Steve ignored for as long as he could. But it got the better of him.

"I'm his best friend. But you've been given me a run for my money for a while. He spends more time in here than with the rest of us combined."

You thought about that for a second. Fuck, that was sad. "That means he spends a lot of time alone,"

"Yeah… Think that's been the problem…" Steve replied slowly.

Out of nowhere, Steve's composure changed. In a motion too fast for you to track, he pulled a chair off a table and sat. His elbows were pressed into his thighs and his head was in his hands. He groaned a little, then sat up straight, looking right at you.

"Buck… he… he does it sometimes. Disappears for a few days. No communication. He's always come back though. And it's only ever been a for a few days… This time, after a week we got worried…"

"You found him though," you pressed, annoyed at the pace of Steve's story.

"We found him. He wasn't in good shape, Y/N. I don't think…"

When Steve had walked in, you thought that something had happened to Bucky on a mission or something like that. The worst case scenario, of which you had only entertained for the shortest of times, was that Hydra had been lurking in the shadows, waiting.

Another possibility became painfully apparent at the end of Steve's trailed off sentence. Somehow, the thought of it hurt more than all the others.

Steve could see it on your face you knew what he was trying to say. You needed to hear it though. It was the only way it could be real.

"He wasn't planning on coming back."

Bucky wasn't planning on running away either. It was the metaphorical end of the line for him. Like so many times before, Bucky Barnes had forgotten to factor in Steve bloody Rogers. Saved by his best friend yet again, Bucky had woke up in a clinically clean room in Stark Tower. If he thought it was hard to get drunk, trying to kill himself was even harder.

You knew there was no comparing your friendship with Bucky to Steve's. There hadn't been a friendship in the history of humankind that could compare. Making Steve say it out loud wasn't kind, but it wasn't unnecessary cruelty either.

"Will you come see him?"

…

You thought you'd known weird. Turns out, nope. Being escorted into Stark Tower by Steve Rogers was weird. Being full body scanned by technology you couldn't begin to comprehend was weird. Feeling so, so much about someone you barely knew was weird.

All the weird became secondary to a rushing wave of relief at seeing Bucky Barnes. The wave met a tall, unmoveable wall very quickly. Bucky wasn't awake. Steve sat in a chair next to Bucky's bed and motioned for you to take the one on the other side.

Bucky was pale, lips chapped and hair stringy. Someone cared for him though. Although messy, the hair was tied back in a bun. There was a tube of chapstick sitting on the bedside table.

The sheet was pulled up under his arms. He was in a thin, white singlet. You'd never seen his vibranium arm; he'd always been in jackets in the bar. He'd always worn gloves, even after it was apparent you knew who he was. The scars on his body were confronting, but you had to file that away for a later day.

"Fuck," you finally said on a breath out.

Steve nodded in deep agreement.

"He's gonna wake up." You'd meant it as a statement but it definitely curved up too much at the end.

"He will," Steve confirmed. "He's lost a lot of blood… They tried blood transfusions but his body… The serum in him is too unstable. It made him worse. We just have to wait. He'll heal himself,"

"Okay," you said softly as you shuffled the chair closer to the bed.

As you took Bucky's hand in yours, you thought what all people do when they're bedside like that. Can they hear me? Do they know I'm here? You rubbed gentle circles across his skin with your thumb.

For a while, Steve was still, then he too dragged his chair across the floor. He got as close to the bed as he could, then folded an arm on the mattress and rested his head. You watched him look up at his best friend. Steve reached out with his free hand and gently stroked Bucky's cheek once, then settled in for the wait.

…

Sleep was uneasy, but it came. When you uncurled your body from the chair, you were alone with Bucky. He hadn't moved, hadn't dreamed. He wasn't really asleep but in some sort of super soldier serum limbo that you hoped to God wasn't a form of Hell.

It was only about ten minutes before Steve arrived back in the room. He came bearing gifts - coffee and a doughnut.

"Did you think he was going to wake up, like, when I got here?" you asked.

Steve shrugged. He'd changed clothes at some point while you slept. Grey track pants and a white t-shirt. Comfy. Casual. Not very Captain America but you guessed, pretty Steve Rogers.

"No. Yes. I don't know… We don't know when he'll wake up… I just thought he'd want to see you,"

"Do you think he comes and proper hangs out with me? Because he doesn't. He just kinda…"

"I know. Buck's never been that much of a talker. Even before. Doesn't stop him from being charming," Steve said.

"No… it doesn't. Guess he wouldn't come to see us if he didn't wanna," you reasoned, thinking about the awkward prospect of Bucky waking up and asking why the bartender was there.

"He wouldn't, no," Steve agreed.

Silence was comfortable with Steve, which was a blessing because you sat watching the television with him for a couple of hours. That's when you really took in the room beyond Bucky and the bed. It was a strange mix of hospital and home.

When you had arrived earlier, the elevator delivered you to a sweeping hallway. It didn't give much away in terms of what the function of the floor was. Stark Tower was multi-purpose. Very multi-purpose. It was head office to an ever-growing business. It was science and technology laboratories. It was home base for The Avengers. Those were the things the public knew the building did.

On the list of suspected functions included primary home of Tony Stark. Correct, although he had many other properties. Pepper was trying to sell some without Tony knowing. The Tower had to house weapons too, as the headquarters of The Avengers. Correct. Definitely in the upper limit of what was legal. Where did all The Avengers live? Where did the ones from space stay when on Earth? Theory was the Tower. Correct. Many, but not all, superheroes affiliated had very large, very beautiful private spaces in the Tower. I surely had to have its own medical wing. Incorrect. It wasn't a wing.

Stark Tower had its own dedicated floor for bio and med. Cutting edge research. Direct and tailored medical support. And that's where you had found yourself. A hospital room, spectacularly disguised as comfortable. Regardless of the armchairs by Bucky's bed and the huge flat screen, it wouldn't ever not smell like bleach.

By mid-morning, it became apparent that this wasn't Sleeping Beauty and Bucky wasn't going to wake up just because you were there with all your true... whatever.

"What's the plan?" you asked.

Steve sighed hard, stood from the chair and stretched. Your attention stayed on Bucky, but when Steve failed to answer, your eyes flicked to him. He seemed very agitated by not knowing what to do. He couldn't Captain America his way out of this one.

"You're welcome to stay. There's a room next door. We can take shifts… Or if you want to head home I can call when he wakes…"

"I'll stay," you decided quickly. Nothing else seemed as important.

…

Two days later, you'd gotten more sleep than you would have predicted. The room next door to Bucky's was another designed for the injured, but it doubled as a hotel room just as well. The bed was comfortable and nobody disturbed you when it was your turn to rest. You and Steve shared takeaway and swapped stories. It was nice to find a real human beneath the public image.

Steve could see why Bucky had continued to gravitate back towards you. You made him feel normal. And he almost came to enjoy the routine you and he had fallen into, keeping watch of Bucky. Then, as you were throwing grapes across the room, aiming for Steve's mouth, you both heard him.

Bucky mumbled a very groggy, "Fuck," as his eyes adjusted to the light.

"Buck?" Steve called, appearing at the bedside in a second.

You walked over more slowly, carefully. What if he did think it was strange you were there?

Bucky tried to move, but Steve put his arm across him. "Nope, Pal. Stay right there,"

"Lemme up, Steve," Bucky said, still groggy.

Steve folded, moving away so Bucky could sit up. He rubbed his face, his unshaved jawline. You almost thought he hadn't noticed you, but then, "How long have ya been spying on me then?"

Bucky looked at Steve, raised his eyebrows.

Neither you nor Steve had ever been in this specific situation before. No script for what someone waking from a suicide attempt should do or say. But you were both shocked by Bucky's… normality. He'd just sat up like it was another day. Not like he'd run away, hurt himself, never said goodbye.

"What the absolute fuck!" Steve whispered. Was it to himself or to Bucky? You were unsure. Bucky just stared at him, expressionless. "That's not- How could- Jesus, Buck. What were you thinking?"

You cringed, knowing it was the wrong thing for Steve to say.

"What was I thinking?" Bucky repeated.

There was a second of silence. Two. Then Bucky just ripped the covers off, swung his legs out of bed and stood up. He looked down at himself, then up at you. It was the first eye contact you'd had since he woke, and it caught the breath in your lungs and swallowed it up.

"Hey, darlin'," he greeted softly. He'd never called you that before. Before you knew it, he'd closed the space between you and had pressed a kiss to your cheek. "Sorry for all the fuss,"

"Ahh…" you started to say, but he was already walking away.

"Bucky!" Steve yelled, following him through the door. "Where are you going? We need to talk," he urged.

Feeling very out of place, you just followed Steve, hoping sticking close to him would lead you back to comfort.

"Steve, look," Bucky said, spinning on his heels. "I know, alright… I know… But I need… I can't be here. This place is drivin' me crazy… And I'm already ten different types of that,"

"Where are you going to go?" Steve asked, his voice smaller and sadder than it had just been.

Bucky shrugged casually, almost comically.

"You scared the shit out of me,"

"Not the first, won't be the last," Bucky joked, deflected.

"It could have been."

That made Bucky shut up. He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Steve.

"But it wasn't. Someone needs to stick around to look after your stupid ass," Bucky said.

"Then stick around."

If you felt out of place before… Watching the two men hug then step away from each other, you could feel the weight of their history in the air. It was oppressive and you were honestly in awe. Then, before you knew you were even speaking, you just squeaked out, "You can stay with me."

…

Bucky had taken you up on the offer like he wasn't an ex-prisoner of war with decades of trauma just sitting below the surface of his crumbling composure. He'd disappeared upstairs to change and grab a bag or two, leaving you and Steve standing in utter shock.

"Are you okay?" you asked as soon as Bucky was gone.

"I… Christ, I don't know, Y/N. That wasn't normal was it?"

You laughed then. "I don't fucking know. Do you mean for someone who just… or for him? 'Cause you're meant to the expert,"

"Not anymore apparently," Steve said, more hurt than bitter.

"I'll… try to…" You were going to say 'look after him' but the concept of looking after Bucky Barnes seemed ridiculous. Steve had kinda just proven that.

Steve looked defeated, so you did the only humanly right thing to do. You pulled him into a hug. He welcomed it.

"Thought when we brought him home he'd be alright," Steve mumbled into you. "Stupid,"

"Not stupid. Just hopeful. I… Look, I don't know what…"

"I know. Sorry. Sorry, Y/N. I've just pulled you into all this when you were just-"

"No, no. It's okay. I… I'm glad I'm here. He can come stay with me. Make a plan or something. Does he have a doctor or anything?"

The enormity of the situation dawned on you both then. The complexity of it stunning you into silence. Bucky had gone through abject horror and hell and he'd survived. His body had been stitched and sewn back together. His brain had been rewired, given back to him. But now what? Nobody had really thought of that.

…

Bucky was back to his cap-wearing, strong and silent type on the way over to your apartment. Through the doors, he dropped his bags and looked around.

"I'll make some tea," you said quietly, leaving him to introduce himself to the space.

Your apartment was on the third floor of a pretty old block of units. The space was small. Sometimes it was too small for just one bartender… And yet, Bucky didn't seem too big for the space. From the kitchenette you watched him walk from the front door across the open-plan space. He glanced at the bed, probably wondering where exactly you planned on keeping him. Bucky stood at the window, surveying the view.

"How do you take your tea?" you asked.

"However," he replied.

Frowning, you shook your head. "That's… not… What do you mean?"

Bucky turned, smiled, almost confused at your confusion. "Not picky,"

"Everyone has a preference."

He just shrugged.

"No… Come here. Sit down," you ordered.

Bucky smirked. He considered it for a second, then strode over to the kitchenette and sat at the small breakfast bar.

"Take your fucking cap off. This is your home now so you can drop the weird mysterious guy thing," you told him, putting four mugs out on the bar.

Bucky chuckled and obeyed. "Didn't Steve tell ya to be gentle with me or somethin'? Don't cha know I'm all messed up?"

You could hear it in his voice that he was taking the piss.

"There he is," you said, smiling. "Alright. I'm gonna make four teas, alright? You're gonna try them all and you'll know which you like best,"

"Don't think it matters, Y/N. It's just tea,"

"It's not. It's not just tea. It's… it's about preference. You can have things the way you want."

Bucky watched you pour the boiled water, brew the teas.

"I don't want someone else tryna fix me," he said seriously.

You pushed milk and sugar towards him. "If Captain America can't fix you, I don't think anybody can."

Bucky took the mug and held both palms to it. You wondered if he could feel the warmth in his left. (He could.)

"Then why am I here?" he asked, going to sip the tea.

You paused, trying to think of a good answer to that question.

Thinking.

Thinking.

"I… don't know… One minute you're sitting at my bar drinking whiskey. Next minute you're… in my house drinking tea… I have no fucking idea how this happened."

He made a face, pushing the mug back across the table. You swapped it for milk no sugar.

"It's a bad idea. Me being here."

Bucky tasted the tea and let you swap it again. No milk no sugar.

"Then why are you here?"

"Ain't that what I just asked you?" he quipped.

No milk sugar. And an unimpressed look that made him laugh.

"I'm here because since I've been stateside I've just wanted to… I don't know. Rest. Take a fuckin' second. Feel normal… First time I've felt normal was in your bar drinkin' your whiskey,"

"…What about my tea?"

"Also works… Milk and no sugar."

…

Bucky didn't make any jokes about how tiny your place was. After tea, small talk, you handed him the television remote, threw him a blanket and told him to make himself at home. You both went about your nights individually, but side by side. After all the tension of Stark Tower, it was overwhelmingly relaxing. There wasn't a moment where you asked yourself if it was stupid to let someone as dangerous as Bucky Barnes into your home. There wasn't a moment of reconsideration. It was just… easy from the first night.

"Buck, that sofa folds out bigger," you told him, climbing into your bed after showering and getting into P.J.s in the bathroom.

Bucky, who was still in the jeans and henley shirt he'd changed into at the Tower, glanced over. "You going to bed?" He sounded scandalised.

"Sorry, Jesus. Some of us haven't been asleep for days."

Bucky laughed. "Brave joke, darlin'."

There it was again, that nickname. Was it chosen or did it slip out when he wasn't watching his words?

In the morning, it was like you'd spoken in your sleep, conversed with each other and decided on a routine. Bucky was standing in the kitchenette when you woke. He'd clearly been for a run; his headphones hanging around his neck and his runners still on his feet. He was cooking.

"Hey," he greeted when you made your way over, sitting down. "Wow. Can see why you work at a bar. Not a morning person."

Your morning expression was one part deep confusion about not still being asleep, and one part anger about not still being asleep. Bucky kinda loved it.

As you ate bacon and eggs with him, you tried to process how you got to that point. It seemed like a fruitless task. Up until Bucky, your life was… well, it was easy to explain. Doing A resulted in B happening. A simple story. Then, Bucky. Doing A resulted in nothing, and suddenly Z was happening out of nowhere. Like, Jesus Christ, stuff like that just didn't happen. But the coffee was really truly being poured and Bucky was really truly just… there.

…

You went back to work quickly; you'd used up too many leave days sitting by Bucky's hospital bed. Picking up a couple of extra shifts in that first week Bucky was at yours, you hardly had time to really talk to him. He was a ghost in your home for all intents and purpose. It worried you. Each time you left the apartment, you'd try to find a new way of checking he was okay, that he'd be there when you got back.

"Are you doing anything today?"

"Seeing Steve later?"

"Not planning on trying to hurt yourself today?"

Bucky recognised the concern in your voice. It was the same tone he used to take with Steve before everything happened. It was the same tone Steve used on him now. Goddamn those turning tables. He did his best to be reassuring without lying to you. He felt he owed you that much, at the very least.

What else did he have to offer though?

That's when it started. Bucky Barnes turned into your bodyguard, personal chef, housekeeper, and handyman. When you realised it was part of him trying to cope, settle in, be okay, you just let him do it. You'd never won any fights to try to stop him. And, you kinda liked it.

He'd be lingering out the front of the bar when you locked up. Bucky would walk you the two streets home, mumbling "Can't believe you do this alone," the whole way. If he was early for pick up, he'd come in and put chairs on tables. He mopped once. The task was completed with frightening efficiency.

By the end of the week, the apartment was spotless. What did the Winter Soldier look like holding a feather duster? Had he read the spines of all the books on the shelves? Was the television on while he cleaned, or was he a music kind of guy? You could have sworn you saw him narrow your eyes when you left an empty dish on the coffee table.

"You went food shopping?" you asked stupidly one morning, waking up to the sound of Bucky unpacking groceries. He raised an eyebrow, went to provide sass, but you put a hand up. "Don't! Just… make me some coffee, please."

As he placed the mug on your bedside table, he gently ruffled your hair - the only part of you poking out from under the covers. "Got work?" he asked.

"Yeah. Closing. Don't start till 7," you answered, emerging into the daylight of the morning… Of the almost-afternoon, you learnt as you checked your phone. "What you got planned?"

"Same thing I've been doing all week, Y/N."

He was back in the kitchenette, folding plastic bags neatly into a pile.

"There's a bag under the sink full of other bags. Don't need to fold them," you told him. He looked up at you; when would you stop over-explaining things, he wondered. "It's like, a thing everyone has. The bag of other bags. And a messy Tupperware cupboard,"

"Are you okay?" Bucky asked, a little amused.

"No! I just woke up and it's too bright and you're folding plastic bags. Are you okay?"

Bucky shrugged. He did that a lot, sometimes accompanied by a twitch of a lip curl. Sassy bastard.

"So when you say 'same thing you've been doing all week,' you mean clean and watch T.V.?" you asked, sitting up and plumping a pillow to act as a headboard. Bucky waited until you'd picked up the coffee and were looking back at him before he nodded. "How about we just… hang out,"

"Hang out?"

"Yeah. 'Cause I don't wanna move from here until I absolutely have to. So we can watch stuff on my laptop and stay in bed and Ubereats something fancy." When he failed to reply, you added, "You deserve a chill day."

Bucky crossed the space and dramatically flopped down on the bed. "Just exchanged one bossy boots for another, huh?"

"Really pretty, well-meaning bossy boots, yeah!"

…

Bucky was sitting in the window, patting a black cat you'd never seen in your entire life. He looked over when the front door closed behind you.

"Hey," he greeted, voice soft so not to startle the cat.

"Who's your friend?"

"Dunno… She was just out here when I got out the shower,"

"Right… Well, say goodbye and come inside. Got something for ya."

Bucky left the window open, and the cat remained out on the fire escape.

Inside, Bucky plonked himself on the sofa and watched you unpack things from the large paper bag you'd brought home. Bucky's bright eyes sparkled with curiosity and you could tell he could smell something unfamiliar.

When everything was unpacked, you looked at Bucky.

"This is gonna sound so dumb. I know that. But just bear with me, okay?" Checking to see if Bucky was taking you seriously, you saw his focus was on you entirely. "I… I cannot even begin to comprehend what it must be like being you. It's… It's fucked. It's fucked even in the context of superheroes and aliens and all of it… I don't know how you do it and I know it's hard and I have no idea if you're… Like, okay? Or getting better? Or if being here is helping at all but I wanna help. I want to do something for you but I know I can't do anything like, proper. I can't… I don't know… So I thought maybe I can help in a different way. In a kind of shallow… ah, superficial way? So that's what this is."

Bucky was trying to keep his expression neutral.

Bucky also didn't know how he continued to exist. Sometimes he thought it was because he felt he had to make up for what the Winter Soldier did. Save a life for each taken. Balance the books. Sometimes he thought maybe he was just superhumanly resilient. Maybe he was just more okay than made sense, and that was fine. And sometimes, like in those days he went missing, he thought he had no right being on Earth any more.

"I… I don't know what this is," Bucky started, motioning to the table of unidentifiable objects. "But you're already doin' more than enough. Me being here is helping. You give me space," and at that, you snorted, but he continued, not letting you redirect the conversation like he was so good at doing. "It's the only thing that I know helps. It helped in Wakanda. It's helping here."

In the quiet of three seconds or so, you and Bucky watched each other, testing each other's honesty. You had to trust each other, which was hard. But it was happening.

"Okay," you whispered when you grew too hot under his gaze.

"What's all this then?" Bucky asked, sitting up straight and putting his best version of 'excitement' on his face.

"This is… treat yo' self, self-care. You look after your insides, I'll look after your outsides,"

"My outsides?" he said, tone suggestive and eyebrow raised.

It made you blush.

"Skincare. Haircare. That kind of thing… It's from a store called Lush and I'm a bit obsessed. They invented the bath bomb!"

Bucky set his expression to 'I'm giving you nothing' and crossed his arms across his chest. "Bath bomb?"

"Yeah… They're these… things you put in the bath… It fizzes and makes it smell nice and look cool and is good for your skin and stuff. I didn't get one because we don't have a bath…"

You thought you were losing him, but that's just what he wanted you to think. He was wildly interested in whatever it was you were trying to sell him. He didn't hate the idea of skincare, haircare, and whatever else was going on in those little black pots. He'd looked after himself so well in the 40s. His hair was always perfect. Wasn't caught dead with too much stubble.

"I got like, a full routine for us to do together… If you want…"

Bucky liked the pronouns you were using. …we don't have a bath. …routine for us.

"You're beautiful. You know that?"

It caught you off guard. You hoped it was a rhetorical question. Blushing hard, you broke eye contact and looked at your Lush haul.

"So, you're in?" you asked quietly, pretending to read one of the labels.

"Yeah, doll. I'm in. Where's my fluffy robe?"

Squealing in happiness, you jumped up. "No robes, but pyjamas, yeah?"

Bucky took the bathroom and you took the… bedroom/loungeroom/kitchen/rest of the apartment. Once together, you put on old episodes of Golden Girls and sat Bucky on the couch. He watched as you run about finding all the perfect bowls and towels. When you had the random-under-the-sink bucket filled with hot water, you returned to him.

"Okay. First, we put on hair and face masks. I got this hair one 'cause it kinda smelt like chai latte." You opened the pot and let him smell it.

"Never had a chai latte…" Was his only response. He read the pot, "H'Suan Wen Hua… Chinese,"

"You know Chinese?"

"I know a lot of languages," he replied.

"Hmm… Okay, well, do ya want me to do this or do you want to?" you asked.

Bucky looked genuinely confused. "Do what?"

You hadn't wanted to assume Bucky would be cosmetic-clueless, but maybe it was better to just play spa. Let him sit back and relax and you do it all for him. The thought of that was both terrifying and exciting.

"Sit back. Watch T.V. Lemme do this."

And that's just what he did.

You could literally see him relax into the sofa as you saturated his hair with the treatment, massaging it into his scalp then pinning it all on top of his head in a curl, secured with a clip. If you had been able to see his face, you would've seen him biting his bottom lip, holding in a bigger reaction to the feeling of your fingers raking through his hair.

For the longest time, he'd only known touch to equal pain or death. After that, it was the tentative hands of doctors and Steve's sometimes suffocating arms. But you… you were a whole different kettle of fish. You, he could get used to.

When you jumped onto the couch next to him, it looked like you startled him out of a daze. Bucky seemed happy. It made you happy.

"Alright. Face mask. I got two different ones because the one I like kinda smells fucked but in a good one. Here, smell," you ordered, shoving an open pot of very garlicky Cosmetic Warrior under his nose.

He frowned like a child. "Smells like what Sarah made Steve eat when he was sick,"

"That's cute. But yeah. It's strong. Try this one."

Mask of Magnaminty was more his thing. Mint was a familiar smell. Bucky sat very still as you gently painted his face with the cool green goo.

"You can smile," you whispered as you watched him try to conceal a grin. "Feels nice, huh?"

"It's… different," he agreed.

It was quiet. Bucky watched the concentration on your face as you carefully finished the job. When you tapped his nose, complete with an audible "Boop!" he laughed.

Fuck, his laugh was spectacular. Maybe it seemed golden because it was a rare thing. Maybe because the action made the corner of his sparkly blue eyes crinkle. Maybe just because you liked him. A lot.

"'Kay. I'm just gonna go put mine on," you said motioning to the bathroom, "Then we can-"

"Do you want me to do yours?" Bucky interrupted. And holy fuck, how had you not thought of this as a possibility. Bucky had 1940s manners. Not even Hydra brainwashing could take that away from him. Of course he'd offer reciprocation.

"Ah… Sure. Yes."

He took the pot from your hands and dipped his fingers into the goo. "Stevie's the artist, not me. But I'll do my best," Bucky promised.

"I didn't know that,"

"Think all his best parts didn't make it into the history books," he continued. "Don't think some of them made it to 21st century…"

"If I say something based on knowing you for not long, promise not to get salty at me?"

"Salty a bad thing?" he asked, to which you nodded. "Okay…"

"Maybe it's because like, he went rogue for you or whatever. And we got sold this fairytale best friends since birth story… But I kinda expected you guys to be… Nicer to each other."

To his credit Bucky didn't stop painting your face. He was however, clearly unsettled by the statement. He thought for a second. "Yeah… It's… I don't know…" He shrugged. "We'll be alright. He knows I love him… Just handles things different. And he doesn't like being upset. Needs to fix everything. Fight the fight… I've never been like that. Not really… He was the one that wanted to go to war,"

"You didn't?"

"Nah… conscripted."

That fucked you up a little. Hydra wasn't the beginning of his lack of autonomy. He'd been owned by other people since he was basically a kid.

"It's alright," Bucky said.

"Is it?" You'd asked so quietly for a second you thought maybe no noise had emerged from your mouth. There was a twitch in Bucky's expression that reassured you it had.

He'd finished your face mask, putting the pot on the coffee table and wiping his hands on the same towel you had used. It was smeared with green and grey colours. Bucky's gaze focussed on it while he spoke.

"I don't want to keep fighting… But if I don't, I don't know how I'm meant to make up for what I've done."

Your nose began to tingle, the tell-tale warning sign of crying. Biting your lip and willing yourself to be calm you nodded, mostly to yourself. It would be a lie to say you understood, but you could genuinely see his sad logic.

It took so long for you to say something that Bucky had already picked up the next tissue paper wrapped product in your line of Lush. He was rotating it in his hands, trying to work out what could be inside.

"I.. I don't think you can… But not, not because… You just don't have to because it's not your fault. Like, you're not the… reason it all happened. So it doesn't make sense that you have to make up for it. That's not your responsibility. If anything someone has to make it up to you."

Bucky looked at you, a small smile on his lips. He was grateful that you weren't changing the subject, shying away from a hard conversation. It wasn't like you were saying anything brand new to him. But it was nice to hear you say it. He believed you more than when the others had said it. It was a sentiment they all had to believe, because there was red on all their ledgers. Not yours. You had no stake in the claim.

"If it's not my responsibilities, who gets that? It's on me, Y/N. I'm here. Capable. Gotta do it… Someone can make it up to me when I'm old."

There was finality in the statement. That was that. So, you did what any good bartender would do.

"Okay… Well… How about I pour you a whiskey and you tell me how you don't think 102 is old?"

There was that laugh again.

Two Foot Soak and Fancy Frees and whiskey fireballs later, Bucky was well and truly on his way to joining the Lush cult. He looked ridiculous, sitting there covered in product and trying to drink while not getting face mask on the glass. After picking Yog Nog shower gel over Snow Fairy, he disappeared into the bathroom to wash himself clean.

When you were both showered and back in pyjamas, you showed him how to do the towel-hair-twist things that he claimed only women knew how to do. "That's sexist," you teased. And when he did it first go, you suspected he had known all along.

"All that's left is body lotion,"

"Sleepy," he read, taking the pot from you. Opening it, he considered the scent. "Lavender,"

"You're good at this,"

"Everyone knows the smell of lavender,"

"Whatever," you said with a shrug, reaching out to scoop some of the lotion up.

Bucky watched you for a second, before snapping out of the moment. Probably not the coolest thing to do - watch a girl cover herself in lotion. Unless you wanted him to watch. If you did - he would have complied.

Watching Bucky out the corner of your eye, you tried not to laugh. He could tell.

"What?" he sighed. "What am I doing now?"

"Nothing. It's just… Winter Solider covering himself in lavender scented body lotion… It's a mood."

Bucky frowned, not sure exactly what you meant. He did know you were happy.

…

After the self-care session, you and Bucky had fallen asleep on the sofa. It wasn't like in the movies where bodies overlapped and comfortable sleep was found. Bucky was sat upright, head rolled back into an awkward position that would have almost definitely caused an ache by morning. Even for a super soldier. You were on the opposite end, curled up with your feet pressed into Bucky. A siren somewhere outside woke Bucky around three in the morning. He carried you to bed, tucking you in and pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. You didn't stir at all.

Each night thereafter you let yourself drift off on the sofa, enjoying the proximity to Bucky and knowing you'd wake up in bed. It was on the cusp of being routine until one particularly stormy night. Wind had been howling for hours, catching somewhere in a drain or gutter just outside the windows. It caused a high pitched whistle that kept pulling you from sleep.

As Bucky laid you in bed, you woke, confused for only a moment.

"Is it like that every time there's a storm?" Bucky whispered through the darkness of the room. You made a grumbling sound, which Bucky correctly interpreted as a yes. "I'll fix it tomorrow,"

"Wait," you grumbled a little more clearly. "Stop sleepin' on th' couch. Come 'ere." You had your hand around Bucky's wrist and were pulling. There was no way you'd be strong enough to actually pull him onto the bed, but there was no way Bucky was going to say no either.

He crawled under the covers with you, trying to decode what it meant that he was in your bed. Meanwhile, you were wide awake trying to work out if he was buying your sleepy mumbling.

Which was worse, the tension of the want to wriggle back into him, let him curl his arms around you and keep you safe, or the anxiety produced by the thought of rejection? At what moment had Bucky turned from customer to friend? From friend to something else? Had those lines ever existed, or did Bucky's unreal history smash any chance of social normalities in his future? Did the carnage leave only constant unknowns and unmapped territory in its wake? Why did he always smell so goddamn good?

…

It was the start of June when Bucky Barnes had walked into a dusty bar seeking solace. It was the start of August when he disappeared into the night, not planning on returning. Alas, Captain America. So, it was almost four months ago he found refuge in the two-room apartment of one bartender. That brought him all the way up to December. Christmas.

"S'not what it used to be," Bucky grumbled from where he was sitting on the sofa, socked feet on the coffee table.

"But you didn't have my eggnog in the 40s," you countered.

Bucky narrowed his eyes and hid a smile with another sip from the mug in his hands. God, he loved your eggnog. He loved a lot of things about you, but he kept that to himself. He said nothing and continued to watch you decorate the small, plastic Christmas tree you'd set up in the corner of the room.

"You're not gonna help?" you asked.

"You're doing fine, darlin'. I'll tell you if you miss a spot,"

"You're a little fuck, you know that?"

"Mmm. Been told once or twice."

You snorted and got back to your tinsel.

Now, you weren't a psychologist and you didn't know shit about the deep trauma Bucky had experienced and still lived with, but you felt he was definitely in some early stage of recovery. The bed you occupied and the sofa bed he did were close enough that you could hear the whimpers of nightmares. Mornings after, you could pretend you hadn't heard. But, when he shared your bed, which he often did, there could be no ignoring the fact that you knew. However, the nightmares had lessened over the past two months. He made more jokes. He checked the windows less. He went over to Stark Tower a lot to keep training. You even suspected he'd made a friend in Sam Wilson.

"Would it be weird if I got Steve a Christmas present?" you asked, standing back from the tree and looking at your masterpiece.

"He'd probably cry,"

"What? Why?"

"Neither of us got much as kids… Everything's special. Don't think he's grown out of that," Bucky explained, trying to sound casual but the admiration for Steve was too thick in his words for that. "What are ya gonna get him?"

"Not telling you. You'll go snitch. You tell him everything," you accuse, spinning on your heels to point a finger. He made a face that said 'yeah, that's valid.' Smiling, you moved to plug the fairy lights into the electrical outlet. "Should we invite him over?"

By the time you'd stood, marvelled at your sparkling beautiful tree, taken a photo of it, then turned back to Bucky, you saw he had his deep-in-thought face on. It was his serious face, reserved for serious things. You put your phone down and sat next to him, nudging your way to curl up under his arm that hooked over the back of the sofa.

"Talk," you said softly.

"This is your house… so you should do what you want…"

"But?"

"I don't know… I… Nothing bad's happened here, you know? Nobody even knows where here is. It's… safe… from everything else," Bucky said, speaking slowly, carefully. There was a vulnerability in his words that made your heart ache.

"Yeah. It is. Okay. That's okay. We can keep it like that… Our little safe space, huh?"

Bucky nodded, then turned to look at you. God, he was so soft. He smiled, turning you into a pool of feelings.

"Thank you," he said, probably not meaning to whisper it.

You just nodded once and looked back at him. How could anyone have ever wanted to hurt him? How could they fucking touch him?

Before you could even work out who moved first, your foreheads were pressed softly to each other's and he'd wrapped you up in his arms. Bucky often smelt like Lush shampoo you'd bought him that he referred to as the "green jellybean" shampoo. And he always smelt like mint toothpaste because he brushed his teeth multiple times a day, citing a lack of access to such good oral hygiene supplies in the 40s as the cause. Under all that was his own scent, that unique humanness everyone has. Bucky's was sweet and warm and it contrasted against the mint much like the coolness of vibranium pressed to skin.

You knew him. You knew he wouldn't go where you'd not invited him.

As softly as you could control yourself, you tilted your head up and kissed your lips to Bucky's. A second. Two. He kissed back. His first kiss since 1945. And for the first time since coming out of Hydra brainwashing in 2014, Bucky Barnes was so fucking happy to be alive.

…

"I've just realised the best reason for this happening here instead of at ours," you said as you climbed the stairs to Steve's apartment. Bucky hummed a response from in front of you. "We don't have to do any dishes,"

"You don't do dishes anyway," he replied, not trying to be funny but simply stating a fact.

"Killin' my Christmas joy, Barnes,"

"Reckon I was the one bringing the joy," he said, reaching out to gently touch the dress you were in.

Bucky banished you to the small bathroom while he wrapped your Christmas gifts the day before, but as you emerged he seemed perplexed. "Feel like maybe you should have this one now," he'd said, then handed it over. The dress was beautiful, probably very expensive and new despite looking quite vintage in style. "Thought maybe you'd wanna wear it to Steve's tomorrow?" Yes. Yes, you fucking did.

When he saw you in it, saw how it fit you and how you glowed, Bucky felt validated and like all his insides were made of goo. Walking up the stairs to Steve's, he felt the same. Maybe worse. Oh, God, maybe like the first time he'd brought home a girl to meet his family. Bucky tried to distract himself from… you, by counting stairs and taking in his surroundings in detail.

Steve's apartment block was very unassuming. Nobody would guess Captain America lived there. Of course, the other residents had seen him around, shock eventually giving way to acceptance. As you arrived at his door, you could smell and hear all the other Christmas Eve parties happening on his floor.

"Door's unlocked!" Steve called from inside at the sound of your knocking.

Pointedly, Bucky locked the door behind him when he came inside, then put the brightly wrapped gifts on the small table beside the coat rack. Steve was far too busy hugging you tightly to notice that though.

"Y/N! You look beautiful!"

"Yeah? Thank you! Guess where this came from," you quizzed, spinning on the spot to make your dress twirl.

"Bucky?" Steve guessed too quickly.

You pouted, annoyed the game was over. Looking over at Bucky you asked, "Did you tell him?"

"He didn't tell me," Steve said. "That's just a very Bucky dress,"

"You're right. He does also look spectacular in it," you agreed, laughing.

The night went on, and it came as no surprise that Steve was an excellent cook. Although he dismissed compliments, citing Wanda Maximoff for recipes, he seemed to almost buzz at how much food you and Bucky consumed. When it was time for presents, you took a bowl of paprika mashed potato with you to the couch.

"Wait… I thought you were moving these to get to our gifts," you said confused, pointing to the pile on the coffee table.

"I like Christmas," Steve replied, shrugging.

Each carefully wrapped box had a sticker tag on it, the handwriting beautiful. Each one with your name on it looked like typed font it was so perfectly replicated. Bucky's, however, all had variations of his name. Bucky. Buck. Buckaroo. Jerk. Punk.

"I wanna go first," Bucky announced, clearly annoying the scene Steve had playing out in his head. "Here," he said, throwing a box at Steve. Obviously, he caught it.

Steve was immediately suspicious of Bucky's enthusiasm. He did his best not to give his best friend the satisfaction he so badly sought. Simply, Steve rolled his eyes when he unwrapped the ridiculous Captain America action figure.

"See, if you press here, he says things!" Bucky explained, reaching over the coffee table to press the button.

The action lit up and a recorded voice proudly announced, "Avengers, assemble!"

Bucky started to cackle. Steve held in a grin, sucking in his bottom lip to bite it between his teeth.

"That's not even your voice," you noted.

Steve pressed the button again. The toy said, "Freedom and justice for all!"

Bucky was absolutely beside himself.

"I… don't think I've ever said that," Steve said, composing himself. "Actually, Buck, before you get too proud, here." Steve handed Bucky a gift. It stopped Bucky in his tracks. He narrowed his eyes at his friend and began to slowly unwrap it. "If I'm a joke, buddy, so are you," Steve said in the best anti-Captain America tone he could.

Bucky held up the teddy bear. The Bucky bear. Unlike Steve and the action figure, Bucky didn't seem embarrassed by the toy.

"Didn't know they still make these," he said slyly. Bucky knew for a fact they did not make them. He'd gone looking out of interest. Unless Steve had found a mint condition, not at all aged bear, which was incredibly unlikely, it meant he had one especially made.

"If you don't want him, I'll have him," you said, reaching out for the teddy with grabby hands. Bucky (the human) smiled as you hugged Bucky (the bear) to your chest.

"That backfired, didn't it?" he grinned across to Steve.

Steve shook his head. "Here, punk. Got you these too."

Steve had bought Bucky three more gifts. One of the past, one of the present, and one of the future. The past was a vintage record player, which momentarily sent Bucky into a hazy daydream. To use in the here and now - a top of the range knife sharpener. The future was the box set of Gadget Man. You wondered if Steve knew how weird Richard Ayoade was.

He wasn't done; Bucky hadn't been kidding about the whole 'had nothing growing up = now overdoes gifting' thing. Steve presented you with what you could only assume was a very expensive fancy decanter, the most beautiful antique brooch, and a book about the women of WWII. "That's the only one Peg had ever approved of," Steve said.

"You remember everything, huh?" you replied. All those months ago, waiting for Bucky to wake, Steve had told you about Peggy Carter and all the other women he'd met in the war. He'd recalled how enraptured you were.

Lucky last was a pair of matching ugg boots for you and Bucky. Buck pulled his on immediately, loving the feeling of his wriggling toes in the softness.

"Okay, so you moonlight as Santa. Cool," you laughed when Steve was finally done.

Steve grinned with pride.

"Our turn. This one is from me," you said, handing two parcels to Steve. "Bucky told me about how you used to draw. Reckon you both need some… non-combat hobbies."

Steve unwrapped the illustrator's pencils and drawing pads. "Y/N, these are beautiful… It's really thoughtful. I'll draw you something,"

"Draw me," Bucky chimed in.

"She's already unlucky enough to see you every day, Buck. Doesn't need your face on her wall," Steve replied casually, nonchalantly.

You adored when Steve and Bucky were soft around each other, to each other, but fuck it was fun when they'd bicker like an old married couple. The swings they took at each other were always held back with love.

"Christ," Bucky laughed. "Anyway, you interrupted me. I wasn't finished. Here," he said, tossing Steve another gift.

A new leather jacket ("…faux leather, Steve, gotta get with it…"), some very specific thing for Steve's bike that you did not understand, and a fondue set. You also did not understand that.

"Apparently…" Bucky started, leaning back on the sofa looking smug as fuck. "…Peggy told Sharon. Funny stories from Aunt Peg's past and all that… Sharon told Sam. Sam told me. So, ah… fondue."

Steve said nothing.

"I don't get it,"

"Why are you like this?" Steve asked Bucky.

…

The mewing sounds of a black cat woke you early on Christmas morning. Bucky sometimes opened the window when he got up, left a little dish of milk out on the fire escape for the stray. It didn't seemed cagey, like it was used to being inside the apartment.

Bucky emerged from the bathroom, freshly showered and smiling happily at you and the cat. "Mornin'," he greeted, reaching down to pat the cat's back, just where its tail began. The cat shimmed happily.

"Are you talking to her or me?"

"I mean… Both?"

You shook your head at him while he went about making coffee. The cat followed him, curling around his ankles like she'd been his best friend forever.

"What's her name?"

"Becca."

You nodded, watching the cat. "So, are you gonna come wish me a happy Christmas?" you asked Bucky when he remained focused on the cat, then on pulling bowls and pans from the kitchen cupboards.

"How 'bout you come here and wish me a happy Christmas. Since I'm about to make you special pancakes,"

"Special pancakes?!" you repeated, quickly getting out of bed and slipping your feet into closest pair of ugg boots. Not yours. Bucky snorted as he watched you cross the apartment walking like a little kid in their mother's high heels. When you got to him, he opened his arms and pulled you in close. "What makes them special?"

"If they work, they're gonna be eggnog flavoured… Maybe," he answered, leaving the hug to begin cooking.

After eggnog pancakes and The Grinch, you both pulled out your Christmas gifts.

"Did you actually go into a Lush store?!" you squeaked, quickly taking the lid off the Merry and Bright giftbox.

Bucky sighed. "Yeah… I did… Had to get something without the bath stuff in it," he told you.

The image of Bucky Barnes walking into a Lush store and asking for a giftbox for you was all a little too much. The signature smell of the store was in the air and Bucky looked relieved.

"I love it. It's perfect. Thank you," you said softly, hugging him.

It was his turn. Bucky opened the small box, held up the contents. You'd never seen confusion so perfectly executed in expression before. The pink cat collar looked especially tiny hanging from his finger.

"Notice anything different about Becca?" you asked then.

Bucky immediately started to look around for the cat. She came when he called, and he picked her up. Still confused.

"See that little tattoo in her ear? Means she's yours. Took her to the vet to see if she was microchipped or anything. But she wasn't. She was homeless, and now she's not. She's wormed and flead and registered to us. Turns out she's young too. Just a bit of a big boi, probably all that milk you've been giving her,"

"Y/N... I..." But he didn't know what to say, so he turned to the cat. "Did ya hear that, Bec? You don't have to sneak ya in anymore."

Bucky put her new collar on while you told him that he'd have to take her to her appointment the following week; she needed to be desexed. And, that you had to give her a name at the vet. "I don't know if we can change it now... Didn't want to ruin the surprise, so I just did it. But it's not like it says Bucky on your birth certificate, so…"

"What did you call her?"

"Whiskey,"

"Whiskey… Of course you did. How about I make us some tea then, before you get ready for work? Do a toast to Whiskey?"

…

 "Most places are closed Christmas," Bucky stated like you didn't already know that fact.

"Yeah… But I don't know, we open every year and the regulars come. I don't know where they'd go if we weren't open," you explained, pulling your boots on.

"I'll come with you," he said then, quickly dragging himself off the sofa and looking around for something to wear. No real cleaning had taken place in a couple of days. The Christmas spirit was well and truly alive in the form of loose bits of tinsel and stray gift bows. Clothes were scattered about too, and empty shopping bags. You were surprised Bucky hadn't freaked out about the mess.

"You can if ya want, but you don't have to. Don't feel obligated or anything."

Bucky was dressed and at the door before you'd finished with your laces. His beauty was effortless.

"I don't," he reassured, tying his hair up in a bun.

As you and Bucky turned the corner onto the bar's street, you could see a couple of people leaning against the old building. Out of instinct, Bucky's grip on your hand tightened and he walked a little closer to you. Approaching the bar, you recognised Dave and another regular. "Hey, guys," you greeted them, hugging them before opening the bar and letting everyone in.

Like it was a normal day, the tables filled with people and the jukebox was set to bad 70s and 80s rock and country. You poured out a free round of beer and ordered a couple pizzas for the men that had only your bar to call home.

Once everyone was settled, you wandered back over to Bucky, who was residing in his usual place.

"What's a boy like you doing in a place like this?" you asked, grinning and resting on the bar.

"Oh, you know. Good service. Think I might ask the doll that works 'ere out," he replied, trademark Barnes.

It made you laugh. Bucky leaned across and kissed you gently.

"So what will it be? Whiskey? Oh, fireball! For Christmas?"

Bucky made a face he couldn't hide fast enough. "Don't take this the wrong way, darlin', but… prefer your eggnog,"

"I've made you fireballs before at home?"

He tried to hide a smile. "How 'bout that old bottle. Still floating around?"

The 1940 bottle of whiskey. In the wake of Bucky's abrupt disappearance all those months ago, you'd hidden the bottle behind stacks of till rolls and bags of straws. It did nothing but remind you of Bucky, which in turn caused nothing but heartache. In all honesty, you'd forgotten about it until the moment he'd asked for it.

"Not drinking with me?" he asked when you only poured one glass.

"Buck, you know I love you, but I'm just not drinking that shit ever again."

He watched you for a second, studied your face to see if you were going to take it back or laugh like it was a joke. But you didn't do either of those things. Rather, you just smiled. Gentle but sly. Knowing.

You kinda loved him from the get go.

"Think I've been waitin' eighty years for you," Bucky said, his voice shaky, like the words had slipped from the deep, pure recesses of his mind without filter.

"Merry Christmas, James Buchanan Barnes. Glad you're here," you replied, holding your can of Dr Pepper up to tap against his glass of whisky in a toast.

"Merry Christmas, darling."

♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

Please like, reblog, and comment if you’ve got any feels about this! It took ages to write and was a lot of work. I’d appreciate it a lot. xo Rhi

Tag list: @browngirlmagic @darlingtholland

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes fic #Bucky Barnes fanfic #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes/Reader #Bucky Barnes x You #Bucky Barnes/You #Bucky Barnes/Y/N #Bucky Barnes x Y/N #mine #Bucky Barnes needs a hug #Recovering!Bucky

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with Prettything_uglylie (they/them)

what are you working on right now? though i have around 140 drafts in my Archive of Our Own, my major projects in function are a The 100 rewrite, starting with season one but hopefully, if it goes well and people like, a rewrite for the other seasons as well and a The 100/The Walking Dead crossover

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? the fanwork i am the most proud of, for a long time was too drunk to love you (too sober to not to), an angst-ridden, dark jonty fic but since then has become [...one of his childhood's greatest truths.] grown-ups are the real monsters., which is a Criminal Minds/It crossover I've written and you play along (because you want to die for love)., which is a Murphamy slowburn I've started to write. I'm pretty proud of all three of these fics as they're all, I think, rather well-written and catch the emotional tone I want to.

why did you first start writing fic? while I have always loved to write in general, i found my muse tied to a few characters, usually from Teen Wolf or The Vampire Diaries so before I even knew what fanfiction really was I began to write "spin-off stories" for myself and one of my friends, Drew, in particular. Then, I found out what fanfiction was and found myself on Wattpad, where some of my fics still reside and then aged up into Ao3 (thank god)

what frustrates you most about fic writing? while i plan all of my fics ahead of time (to a certain extent), i do love feedback and commentary can both inspire me and help me want to write more. though aside from the motivation factor, sometimes i will have so many ideas and a scene perfectly planned in my head but it won't translate as i wished it would or i'm not satisfied with how it came out, is probably my biggest frustration with fic writing

what are your favorite songs right now? as of current, i've fallen into an older hole of music that i love as it tends to inspire me to write so lately i've been listening to a lot of the front bottoms but mostly, So Sick, We're Dead, HELP, Twin Sized Mattress, Flashlight and then a bit of Conan Gray but mostly Heather by him. I love my own bit of not-quite indie music that inspires me to write and gets me a little emotional.

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic)? a lot of my fic ideas come from songs and music in general as i spend a good deal of my time listening to music (same reason why my phone storage is so full, because i have A LOT of music downloaded lol) but mostly with songs, i can picture individual scenes. books and movies are where i tend to get my full concepts or a larger au to work with and other fics tend to inspire me often as well. my greatest inspirations with fics are just the take some fans have on characters that makes my mind begin to spin and fill me with ideas of how to write things and a lot of my thoughts connect with a combination of other fics. my favorite fanfic are a lot of zade's works and probably a circus of carrion tbh. and of course i also love sirfeit, maunwocha, and sadie18. i’m in a group chat for fic writers also and the conversations there inspire me a lot too!

very pleased to have interviewed the prolific and inimitable Kit! you can find them here on tumblr @fleimkepajohnmurphy or here on Twitter! my favorite Kit fics are to play rough, a Clarke character study, and take this love home and name it, the Octavia/Maya fic that we deserved. 

#the 100 #the 100 fanfiction #octavia blake #maya vie #john murphy #interview

[dailydoseofcolor]

Taking Stock of Units in Fire Emblem Heroes, Part 2

Next! Let’s take a look at the merged heroes I have and feel some sort of affinity for:

My 5*+10s:

Nowi (+Atk): She still puts in WORK. My first 5*+10 and she is an evergreen feature on any Grand Conquest teams, first runs of Lunatic maps, etc. She deserves a kit upgrade sometime soon, but somehow LB/Aether/SB/QR/Threaten Res/Distant Def still get the job done almost every time. Sothe (+Spd): Sothe is one of the first characters I ever really fell in love with from Radiant Dawn. He was an easy +10 decision. Again, I need to upgrade his kit soon, I have Broadleaf Dagger+ fodder....I just feel like I have to choose between him and Matthew, and I adore Matthew’s personality and I feel like I just need to bite the bullet and just raise both. Ross (+Spd): I literally yelped when he was released. Favorite character from the first game I actually beat (played FE7 first but beat it after beating SS). Every major decision in summoning since his release was clouded by “but I should still summon on Green for Ross merges.” But he’s done! This little dude runs so many builds and is also a main staple on teams. The Almosts (Most of these I actually have the resources to +10 but have been holding off because of a need to keep resources on hand to remain competitive):

Lyon, +7: My sweet boy. Major staple on most teams for a while before he just...couldn’t keep up. He needs a refine BADLY. Sophia literally takes him behind the woodshed and beats him within an inch of his life. We all know he likes it. He was the first person I sacked a Counter skill to. I love him and I want the best for him...but not until I know what his refine is.

Mordecai, +7 (+Atk): Another soft boy. Honestly, I merged him up because I had them available and got drunk while playing PoR. He functions very well at this merge level. I’ll get him up one day, but he really can’t be a focus right now, given he serves a very similar combat function to Nowi.

Shigure, +6 (+Atk): This is one of those scenarios where the voice actor really drew me to the character. Matt Mercer kills Shigure’s voice lines and also I got pitybroken by him a LOT. He’s got a pretty balanced stat-line, but performs better as a player phase duelist....except I want to eventually use Valter instead. That’s 99% the only reason I’ve held off, the other is having Harmonic Lance+ fodder just in case. I have the merges for Shigure, but I have a feeling this is as far as he goes.

Micaiah, +5 (+Atk): Best girl from RD (we all know this). Honestly, I haven’t ever sniped for merges on her, these are all organic, which is impressive. But she deserves the +10 and I think I would rank her pretty high in terms of trying to achieve that. Too bad I just missed several good opportunities to do so. This is why I should have done this a while ago.

Nino, +5 (+Spd): I have uncovered a not-so-secret trend. I have a major bias towards characters from Blazing Blade, Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn and, to an extent, Awakening. These were the games I played growing up, so it makes sense that they stayed. ANYWAY. Nino, adorable and punches through everything. I find I don’t really have a ton of space for her on teams, though...she was easy to merge and offers no fodder. I have all the materials, but she’ll honestly have to wait, like Mordecai.

Now, I think I should list out every character with at least +1 merge, to sort through who should be a priority. So this will go in descending order:

Mia, +3 (+Res): One of the only speedy sword girls I actually give a shit about (unsurprisingly). I would love a +10 eventually. Masked Marth, +3: A product of a bygone age. I never spent any real fodder on her, so I’ll chalk this one up to *meh*. OG Eliwood, +3 (+Atk): I have all the resources to +10 him. He’s my favorite Lord. He’s incredible in combat. He has amazing Resplendent Art. Why the fuck have I not finished him. I’ve failed my boy. Forgive me Eliwood. He’s clearly a high level priority. What have I been doing. Astram, +2: He’s a strong unit and has a great niche but I just....don’t care about him. I built him for this week’s Arena needs. His cost is just way too high as a Grail unit. He’ll stay at +2 for now.    Joshua, +2: He was almost my first grail merge project and I...held off. Idk, his cost is so high. but I love his personality and he’s near the top of the grail pile that deserves a refine. I might wait until then?? Idk, I’m torn. I think he could put in good work if I took the time to kit him properly. I need to put more thought into him. Eldigan, +2 (+Def): Multiple pitybreakers that have been merged. Garbage. Next. Donnel, +2 (+Atk): Donnel’s another character I’ve always really liked, but held off, because my Blue Enemy Phase Infantry slot remains filled. His new refine gives him an interesting niche, but is he worth the resources? I have the merges and feathers, but I’m hesitant to pull the trigger. Hawkeye, +2 (+Def): Another random decision I made months and months ago for...no particular reason? He’s got a great refine, but there’s nothing he can do that Ross or Brave Ike can’t. Brave Ike, +2 (+Atk): Speaking of...amazing typing, amazing refine, I sacked my only Nailah to him in order to finally make it to T21 in AR. I have one more waiting in the wings, because I worry that I might need Steady Breath for someone in the future. But I think the ship has sailed on SB’s hey-day. An extra merge for survivability is likely better. Rath, +2 (+Spd): I love Rath so much. His personality, his art, all great. He got SHAFTED stat line wise but....we shall prevail. I have a +Atk waiting in the wings, but I think I’ll keep the +Spd. Speed is king and will remain king until something drastic changes in the meta. He could be +7 with the copies I have, so I’ll likely up his merges soon. Lissa, +2 (+Res): I love Lissa. She’s so cute and she was the first true defensive healer, and I LOVE healers...but she’s incredibly outclassed at this point. Resplendent Lissa when??? I don’t see this going forward without some kind of refine/Resplendent. Adult Tiki, +2 (+Atk): Tiki has the misfortune of just not appearing as fast as Nowi did in terms of merges. I don’t love all dragon teams, and Nowi has the better color. Plus her refine isn’t amazing. She’ll remain here for now. Y!Marth, +1 (+Atk): I am on the fence about whether I feel regret for not pulling more for Y!Marth. His weapon is so strong, he’s got great stats, and not great fodder. But I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I decided +1 was better than trying for the +10 and getting mad when I spent money on orbs. But he puts in work. I love him as a unit. OG Alm, +1 (+HP): Funnily enough, as an almost day-one player, I didn’t pull an OG Alm until halfway through his availability as a Limited-Time Divine Code option. He was a free pull on some random banner and obviously got a merge afterwards. I like his character, but I don’t know if I will ever make an effort to +10. Saber, +1 (+Atk): One of my absolute favorite units. One of the characters I had Summoner Supported for a period of time. His refine is very interesting and allows for some really interesting builds. I might need to make more of an effort for him in the future. Ayra, +1 (+HP): I’ll be honest, I don’t love Ayra. I don’t like the speed arms race she kicked off, and I’m bummed I didn’t just use her as Swift Sparrow fodder. Whatever. Black Knight, +1: Big surprise here: I love the Black Knight. I think he still holds up as a viable option for Red Armors. His cost remains high as a Grail unit, but I think it might be worth it, given how many armor skills exist now. Elincia, +1 (+Atk): The trend continues: character from PoR and RD that I love. She’s got amazing player phase capabilities, and eventually she’d be a great +10. Lukas, +1 (+Atk): The OG physical tank. Great personality and solid niche, but I have others who do the same thing. Nephenee, +1 (+Spd): The Halberdier class in PoR still ranks as one of my all time favorite character ranks. Nephenee languished as -Spd for a long time before I snagged another merge. I love her character and need to prioritize her builds. I’d love for her to demote one day (lol), but she’ll go on the list of 5* exclusive merge desires. OG Azura, +1 (Neutral): I feel like OG Azura is still outclassed, even with her Resplendent stats. Although she has a strong niche as a triple Chill support unit. I need to actually build her and deploy her before I sink any real assets into her. Legendary Ephraim, +1 (+Res): I pulled Legendary Ephraim long before I ever pulled OG Ephraim. He finds use mostly as a Grand Conquests lead. Which makes me realize that I don’t have a ton of lance cavaliers....or really any that I would really love to build. I’ll look into this. Altena, +1 (+Def): I adore Altena. She’s one of those characters that FEH really introduced me to and I fell in love with her personality, and she’s got a great kit. I’d love for her to be 3*/4*, but I find myself thinking I should pull for Blue on random banners, just in case I pull extras. She’s a high priority merge project. Halloween Dorcas, +1: Another case of a strange decision made without any real thought. Especially since Hack-o’-Lantern+ is a solid axe to have in a unit’s back pocket. I’m suddenly mad at myself for doing this. Minerva, +1 (+Atk): You know, Minerva was the third 5* I ever pulled in this game, and I never really found a use for her somehow. I suppose I avoided flying units for a long time, just because they were always physical, and usually less useful than infantry or cavalry units (what a time). She’s merged because of a pity breaker. Young Minerva, +1: Ironic, I know. Y!Minerva is near the top of my list for Grail projects. She’ll likely get a +10 eventually, it’s hard to top the skills she has available. And I’m weirdly a sucker for tiny children who destroy enemies. I love this unit. Legendary Alm, +1 (+Def): My first pull of L!Alm was -Spd, which was a major fucking bummer. I ultimately decided I needed to fix that when I pulled one a while back, it was a good decision. I am never going to have the resources to pump more into him, though. So his base kit will do for now. Matthew, +1 (+Atk): Let’s talk briefly about how fucking bad Matthew’s attack stat is. At lvl 41 with a 14 mt dagger equipped and attack boon he has 43 attack. Literal garbage. His refine makes him useable and I want to +10 him so badly because I love his character, but again, it clashes directly with the Sothe I already built, who only loses out on the defense that Matthew’s packing. It’s hard to justify, ngl. Kagero, +1 (+Atk): I am only human. Every once in a while, I am susceptible to the pull of a waifu or two. Cool refine, solid niche, but hard to justify when I have characters that do the work better. Julia, +1 (+Def): Another character I didn’t have for literal years, and got in back to back banners long after she had a hey-day. Crystalelemental on Tumblr loves Julia and, honestly, that love kinda rubbed off. She doesn’t even have skills equipped, but I’ve been on the lookout for a way to deploy her. She’ll get a good kit eventually. Legendary Female Fallen Robin, +1 (+Spd): Describing some of these characters becomes a mouthful. Solid niche, and she got a merge because she kept pitybreaking me on the road to Bramimond. The rest were sacked for Res Smoke fodder. She’s useful from time to time, but not a favorite. Lethe, +1 (+Def): I always liked Mordecai more than Lethe, but she hits a lot of criteria for me. Her typing holds her back a little bit, though. I also don’t run all beast teams very often, and that’s where she really shines. It also doesn’t help that her first appearance was as -Atk. Sometimes heroes with bad IVs that you love kinda lose their luster, which is sad. Kaden, +1 (Neutral): Both times a pitybreaker. Great niche as a unit, sees plenty of use when I’m running Bonus Doubler shenanigans. Doesn’t see a ton of use outside of that.

Phew. That was a lot to write. If you read through that....I am deeply impressed. I think next is taking stock of what I actually want in terms of unit niches, and which ones would fill those roles that I could target. 

#ddc talks FEH #ddc talks #fire emblem heroes #part 2 #fire emblem

[illegiblewords]

Recent Shadowbringers story has me speculating a bit on Convocation of the Fourteen relative to mythology and I think I got stuff.

Heads up this spoils like crazy.

IIRC it got confirmed that the Convocation members got Greek names, although I don’t remember if they were all named for the pantheon or not.

But since Hades gets referred to using abilities known as Titanomachy in particular I’m gonna lean hard toward YES.

Who is which god though? What’s even happening? I have a few ideas and in order to explore ‘em a bit will list the names and details that strike me as particularly important. A point of note though, Hades is not an Olympian within mythology. One of the original gods born of Rhea and Cronos yes, but he literally drew the short stick that said “congrats you get to live alone among the dead have fun”.

Zeus: Youngest of six siblings born to Rhea and Cronos. Drew lots with Poseidon and Hades, wound up getting dominion over the sky as king of the gods. Had loads and loads of sex. Strongly affiliated with lightning.

Hera: Hands down has the title of pissiest of the gods, which is fuckin’ saying something. This is like 98% because she’s the goddess of marriage, childbirth, women, family, and fidelity while being married to Zeus the fuckhead. Youngest daughter of the six siblings born to Rhea and Cronos. Associated with the peacock. Commonly transformed her husband’s lovers into animals and IIRC had some ties to storms but I might be misremembering. Also notable for having given birth to Ares with Zeus legitimately (who no one likes except Aphrodite) and Hephaestus alone. She threw Hephaestus down the side of a mountain because he came out ugly iirc.

Poseidon: God of the seas, water, storms, earthquakes, and horses. Middle son of the six siblings born to Rhea and Cronos, when he drew straws with Zeus and Hades he got dominion over the oceans.

Demeter: Goddess of the harvest, fertility, motherhood, agriculture, nature, and the seasons. Middle daughter of the six siblings born to Rhea and Cronos. Hades abducted and married her daughter Persephone and she got next level pissed about it, made the world cold and barren (winter) until Persephone was returned.

Athena: Born from Zeus and Metis, confirmed more powerful than Zeus. Metis had a prophecy where any child she bore would be more powerful than the father, so of course Zeus had to stick his dick in that. Later became filled with regret and fear when it turned out Metis was pregnant, turned her into a fly and ate her. Fast forward a bit and Metis gives birth to Athena inside of Zeus, and Athena explodes fully formed and adult complete with armor out of Zeus’ head. Athena has some duality with Ares as they’re both war gods and both technically born from Zeus. Athena is goddess of wisdom, handicraft (like weaving), and strategic warfare. Virgin goddess.

Apollo: God of the sun/light and the arts, also certain kinds of performance including music, poetry, philosophy. Notable in that his golden arrows were not nearly so painful as the silver ones favored by Artemis. Twins with Artemis. Also majorly known for being associated with both plague and healing as well as prophecy. Prophecy comes up in particular through the Oracle of Delphi. Notably the reason to Dionysus’ madness in some philosophy.

Artemis: Goddess of the hunt, twins with Apollo, uses silver arrows that hurt like a motherfucker compared to the golden ones her brother favors. A virgin goddess associated with the moon, wilderness, childbirth, protection, and plague. Worth noting she could be super super pissy and did in fact turn a man into a deer to be mauled to death and eaten by his own hounds because he accidentally caught her bathing.

Ares: God of war as in slaughter and bloodlust, also of violence and “manly virtues” as in his dick r big. Has weird sibling energy with Athena because they represent dramatically different aspects of war. Only loved by Aphrodite, literally no one else likes him.

Aphrodite: Goddess of love and beauty and fucking, top tier manipulator, also affiliated with pleasure, passion, fertility, and desire. Married to Hephaestus but not at all happy about it, has a pretty open affair with Ares. Sometimes she’s a daughter of Zeus but usually she was born from the universe’s castrated dick being thrown into the ocean and making a ton of sea foam which became her.

Hephaestus: Smith of the gods, master craftsman and god of the forge. Also associated with invention, fire, and volcanos. Didn’t really cheat on Aphrodite despite her cheating on him hard. Was rejected by his mother Hera for being too ugly and was literally crippled by her.

Hermes: Messenger of the gods, a trickster, god of travelers and athletes, guide to the dead, has fucking WILD cults dedicated to him to this day including fucktons of alchemists and just Hermeticism as a whole. In other words also the god of new age and magicK. Not magic, emphasis on the k because that’s what the modern magicians in their funny hats do when they’re feeling edgy.

Hestia: Eldest of six siblings born to Rhea and Cronos. Goddess of the hearth, being fire and the home. Has probably the least amount of drama out of all the gods ever, and while that isn’t necessarily saying a lot she seriously had no drama. Possibly relinquished her seat among the Olympians to Dionysus in some stories. Was notably a virgin and had a major following of priestesses in Rome consisting of the Vestal Virgins.

Dionysus: If there is a god of chaos and insanity besides Eris it is him. God of drunks and performance and opulence/excess/parties, notably has a philosophical contrast with Apollo as the madness to his reason. Top hedonist. Has a group of violently crazy women who worship him called the Bacchantes. Do not understate violently crazy bit they have torn people to shred with their bare hands.

Hades: We know this is Emet-Selch already and have more lore on how he visualizes souls/the Lifestream (interesting term given rivers of the dead in Greek myth, though not exclusive concept to Greek myth)/the Underworld. Eldest son of the six siblings born to Rhea and Cronos, though he is younger than Hestia.

Another point of note--there are, classically, TWELVE Olympian gods and then Hades. Why then one extra and how suspicious is that with our Convocation of 14?

Normally, like I mentioned Hestia is an original member who essentially gives her seat up for Dionysus. But she’s also a much quieter goddess within mythological stories, so while she could be included it’s also possible that another god or goddess is being used to reach fourteen.

First, I’m gonna go on a limb here and say I think Lahabrea is either Apollo or Ares, but leaning heavily toward Apollo. The orator thing fits, his role within being crazy good/productive in creating concepts makes some sense (I mentioned possibly Ares because he has an affinity for certain weapons too which makes me squint), and with how much the Ascians have referenced things being foretold or prophesized at least one of them is required to have ties with that ability. Additionally, Apollo being tied to plague when there the Terminus event going on and people are speculating that creation magics had something to do with the cause has me unbelievably suspicious.

I am also going to say that I think it’s possible Elidibus is Hermes. Emissary-->Messenger as well as having a pattern of being a trickster or liar makes a lot of sense. Also interesting in that one of his other functions is as psychopomp, or escort of the dead. I wouldn’t be shocked if he was the one responsible for raising new sundered Ascians.

I also think that if Lahabrea is Apollo, Igeyorhm might really be Artemis for that twin thing + their Ascian Prime misadventure. The impulsivity makes a bit of sense for her too, as does the fact that she fucked up the entire thirteenth shard while being tied to plague. If I thought Lahabrea was Hermes I’d have pitched Igeyorhm as Aphrodite purely because it’s myth canon they made a hermaphroditic child together one time, but I don’t think that makes as much sense.

I don’t think the game is putting as much emphasis on the three kings setup for Ascians with Zeus/Poseidon/Hades because Lahabrea and Elidibus don’t really fit into the roles of Zeus or Poseidon either of them. FFXIV associates lightning with judgment in a cool way but it gets stressed really hard that Elidibus is just supposed to be an Emissary and Lahabrea has other gods he fits with better. I honestly think the ones who remained unsundered just happened to be the ones who got missed rather than that particular trio.

On WoL, there are plenty of fans having fun speculating that WoL is Persephone in the name of shipping lol. It’s maaaaaaaaybe possible because she’s goddess of spring, renewal, rebirth, nature, and the underworld. And she also goes back and forth between spending time with Hades and spending time with her mother. So that whole MIA thing might work.

Halmarut being all about plants I’ll bet 100% is Demeter. No one else makes sense.

Nabriales if he does use lightning like I remember might be Zeus, which explains his attempted sleaziness a bit and his inferiority complex being one of the sundered. But I’m a bit doubtful because he seems like he has too big of an ego to have potentially been in charge of Amaurot at any point ever. His personality and eagerness to fight remind me more of Ares. Also no one likes him lol. Dionysus strikes me as most likely overall because it would explain him being pissed at being under Lahabrea as well as his whole attitude.

Mitron is Poseidon. Cannot be anyone else, he is all about oceans and fishes. Strongest case for Elidibus and Lahabrea not being tied to the other two kings--Mitron literally cannot be anyone but Poseidon.

Who is WoL though?

Currently my big guesses are Dionysus if Nabriales isn’t (as a foil to Lahabrea-Apollo), Zeus (mightiest of the gods, lightning of judgment and huge badass), Persephone (the creation and underworld thing is neat and who even knows), maaaaaaaaaaybe Hestia because of the primordial light/fire bit, being oldest, and just not being about the drama.

I know basically nothing about Altima besides her being there but would be more inclined to figure her for Athena than any other goddess purely because SE seems to be going with matching gender stuff and with a name like Altima I’m doubtful about other goddesses fitting better. Hera is the only one beside Athena who could maybe own that.

If anyone else has knowledge/notes on Ascians and can chime in on what seems fitting feel free!

#ascians #shadowbringers #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #ffxiv

[eldritchsurveys]

446.

Where all have you been in this world?: >> Not very many places. Travel is expensive. I’m gonna make you brefagust. (: Whataya want?: >> I assume that says “breakfast”, and I don’t want anything, I just ate. Are there any words that you just cannot pronounce correctly?: >> Words in other languages, sure. Irish is a real doozy, for example. What’s in your copy and paste?: >> This survey. What’d you dream about last night?: >> I don’t know.

Do you know anyone that’s painfully, socially awkward?: >> Probably. A lot of people seem that way these days. Red or blonde hair?: >> I have no preference. What would you do if a gorilla ate your homework?: >> --- How do you usually pose in your pictures?: >> I usually don’t do much of anything unless the specific photo calls for it. Are you clumsy?: >> No. Do you know anyone that absolutely freaks out if you try to take a picture of them?: >> No. I’m probably the closest person to that that I know. I don’t freak out, exactly, but I prefer not to have photos taken of me without my explicit permission. Do you pick on them for it and attempt to take loads of pictures anyway?: >> Why the everloving fuck would I do that. Have you ever caught yourself dancing?: >> ... Caught myself dancing? That sounds like I was possessed and dancing against my will or something. How’s your posture?: >> It suits my purposes. Do you play an instrument?: >> No. Have you ever had to take care of a fake baby in family ed?: >> Yeah, I had the hyper-realistic robot baby. For a whole weekend. I named him Daniel (after a song I loved) and took him to a parade and a lot of people fawned over him, lmfao. ^ were you a good mother/father?: >> Apparently so, I got a good grade. What’s your favorite way to wear your hair up?: >> --- Have you ever played tennis?: >> No. What’s the last thing you drew/wrote on yourself?: >> I don’t usually do that. Peace or love?: >> What. Who do you love?: >> Can Calah. Who do you NEED?: >> The people that do the labour that provides me with the things I consume on a daily basis. Who do you miss?: >> --- Do any of your friends put ‘lol’ in almost every single text they send you?: >> --- What do you think of Sarah Palin?: >> I don’t think of Sarah Palin. Have you ever read a ‘banned’ book?: >> Is Lolita a banned book? I can never remember which ones are banned. What does your screen name mean?: >> My usernames just reference media that I relate to. “eldritchsurveys” just means I’m an eldritch creature who takes surveys. Would you like you, if you met you?: >> If I met a clone of myself, I’d just be bemused as fuck. What’s your first impression of yourself?: >> What. Where was the last place you went shopping?: >> Meijer. How often do you take naps?: >> Rarely. Have you ever had to take a sobriety test?: >> No. Do you like movies more if they’re based on actual events?: >> No. Historical accuracy or realism isn’t why I watch movies. What’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done with your cell phone?: >> Dropped it in the toilet. What’s your opinion on gold diggers? Selfish, or smart? Both?: >> I don’t have a sweeping opinion on people who date for money. It’s as valid a reason to date as any other, I’d imagine. All dating is, is trying to get something that you want, innit? What would you do if your bf/gf was hitting on someone else right in front of you?: >> Nothing. Except clarify to the person that it’s okay, if they’re confused. What’s something you’ve done that you’ve sworn you’d never do?: >> --- Which ex of yours do you talk to the most?: >> --- If you were given a country to rule, which one would you want?: >> --- Why?: >> --- Do you know anyone who lives on an island?: >> I knew people that lived in Manhattan and in Staten Island, so yes. Can you recall the first person you ever drank/got drunk/high with?: >> Nope. ^ are you still friends?: >> --- What time of day are you typically the busiest?: >> The morning, I guess. And what are you doing that keeps you thus?: >> Hygiene, chores, maybe going out. Did the word 'thus’ confuse you, or is your IQ over 10?: >> What. Have you ever taken someone else’s vehicle without permission?: >> No. What were you doing the last time you were videotaped?: >> I don’t know. Is that something you’d be comfortable uploading and sharing?: >> --- Which friend wears the same size clothes as you do?: >> --- Is there anyone’s wardrobe that you’d like to steal?: >> Probably. What do you do when you can’t sleep?: >> Read or browse Reddit. How often do you tell lies, including little white lies?: >> Rarely. I just don’t have a good reason to do so. Any secrets you’d like to share with the class?: >> No. How many scoops of coffee do you use to make a pot?: >> --- ^ is it flavored or plain?: >> --- Have you ever been lost in the woods?: >> No. What did you last stretch the truth about?: >> I don’t know. Have you ever had withdrawals from something?: >> No. Someone?: >> LOL what. Is there anyone on your friend’s list you know next to nothing about?: >> --- How old is 'too old’ for you to date?: >> I don’t know, I don’t date. What’s something that really pisses you off?: >> I’d rather not think about anything that pisses me off right now, thanks. What’s something that always makes you smile?: >> I tried to think of something but nothing comes to mind. Have you ever taken your frustration out on the wrong person?: >> Sure. How many nicknames can you think of for marijuana?: >> Like three. What about the police?: >> *shrug* Two? How do you feel about guys in tight jeans?: >> I don’t feel anything about it. What about cardigans?: >> ^ Do you know any computer languages?: >> No. Do you know how to use roman numerals properly?: >> Sure. Longest period of time you’ve ever been awake?: >> Around 4 days. Favorite hour-long show?: >> *shrug* Favorite half-hour show?: >> *shrug* Best looking person you know of the same sex?: >> --- What’s worse; flat soda, or warm soda?: >> Flat. Most people who’ve slept over at your house all at once?: >> --- Have you ever stapled yourself?: >> No. Steak or chicken?: >> Chicken. What’s one thing you’ve learned from a good relationship gone bad?: >> Not to do that again. If you could pick to be any person in a movie, who would it be?: >> --- Who would you like to spend the night with?: >> --- What stripper name would you give yourself?: >> --- Is flirting really cheating?: >> I don’t know, that’s not something I care about. Ask someone who cares. What’s something you own that’s /only/ of sentimental value?: >> I don’t own anything for purely sentimental reasons. If it’s not aesthetically pleasing or functionally useful to me, I’m not keeping it. What’s your choice of chips?: >> Salt and vinegar, or salt and pepper. What song would you use to torture someone?: >> --- What is the weirdest compliment you have ever received?: >> I don’t recall any weird compliments. Either a compliment is flattering or not, I don’t know what the fuck makes a compliment “weird”. If someone REALLY fat was upset, and saying how FAT they were, what would you say?: >> I wouldn’t say anything. It’s not my job to fix someone’s self-image. What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever heard a kid say?: >> I don’t know. Has anyone licked you today?: >> No. Three things you can’t live without?: >> The obvious things. I’m not going to name them, we all know what they are. Three things you want to live without?: >> Sigh. A random stranger walks up to you and says 'you’re hott’. You say: >> Nothing. I hope I don’t hear them (because I have headphones on). I don’t really want to hear that from a stranger. 

#surveys #survey #random survey

[sweet-little-bird-fanfic]

YOUNG K - Pure Desire

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

Summary: A young writer that's struggling with her work until she crosses paths with an intense and fated new type of inspiration; An inspiration called: YOUNG K!

Genre: Fanfic; Romance; Humour; Smut (in the future chapters)

Warnings: Swearing? ; The hot stuff will slowly begin on the next chapter and after that, it becomes a mess! I promise eheh  (っ˘ڡ˘ς)

A/N: a short chapter to create a good atmosphere and background.

Chapter 1- Drunk Hug

I knew the day wouldn't go well from the moment I woke up... 45 minutes late. To be honest, things had been hard lately. I've had been a professional writer for 3 years and I went to live in Korea right after I published my first romance. I bought a house and rented 2 of the rooms to 2 amazing brothers that ended up becoming my family: Kim Jii (he worked in the entertainment industry) and his 16 years old little brother Kim Joon (who was still a student). Truth to be told, it's not like I had been working that hard in those few writing years. Not because I was lazy, but because it was really simple for me to write a story and for some miracle, it would become a success. That was the case until I hit a wall last month whilst writing my third book! Nothing seemed right, I wasn't satisfied with anything and I was simply irritated with my own creation. There was something missing and I couldn't find what it was... But it was something crucial and I couldn't stop wondering if my passion for writing had reached its limits. I was so worried about that thought, that I made myself not being able to write properly. Call it a rocky mistake or an overthinking problem, but the point was that I was 1hour late to meet with my editor and I had nothing new to show him. "SHIT!"

I got off the bus and run as fast as I could. Gladly, the coffee shop We agreed to meet at was near the station. When I finally reached my destination, I was invaded by a strong and warm coffee fragrance, which woke up my senses a little. It wasn't hard to find the man I called "Boss". He had really short hair and was quite skinny, but his facial expression made him look like an angry bear. "I'm going to die." I sat on the chair in front of him and before I could apologise for being late, he threw a bunch of papers on the table in my direction. My heart started beating really fast when I recognise that those pieces of papers were the chapters I sent him by e-mail.

- You call yourself a writer, Miss?! - he said as loud as he could - I'm going to pretend you didn't send me this and that I didn't have to come from England to Korean just to scold you in person.

- I'm really sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me, but I can't ...

- You need to take a break and stop obsessing about writing. We didn't give you any deadlines, so I don't understand why you're writing a chapter a day. - he said interrupting me with a sharp voice.

I didn't move or say anything, I just looked down to my hand and prayed I wouldn't get myself fired. I could hear his heavy annoyed breath and I could feel his eyes observing me. There was a long moment of silence that was broken by his hand caressing his chin.

- When was the last time you did something that wasn't writing? - he sighted - Go out, get inspired. Don't contact me until the young writer I know is back.

He stood up and dressed his elegant coat as he made sure to burn my soul with his reprehensible look. Before leaving the store our eyes locked and he gave me a petty smile, which made me feel even worse than I already was.

That was it. I've had it! I needed to get some fresh air and get away from everything. I think I've never walked so much in my entire life. I explored the city pretending I was a tourist and that I had nothing to worry about. I tried the typical food, went to the famous attractions and even bought some souvenirs. I was now wearing an "I love South Korea" black shirt and a cool hat. Not to mention the bags I was holding with sweets, cosmetics and funny socks for the boys at home.

I grabbed my phone and sent Kim Jii (Bro) and Kim Joon (Baby bro) a picture of some socks:

Me: Do you need socks? ~~ Bro: Seriously... Baby bro: I swear, I'll burn them if you buy them, Noona! Bro: Go grab the matches. I bet she already bought them ME: (T_T) Bro: Ya paboya, don't come home early.          I made a mistake at work and had to bring it home ( ಥ ʖ̯ ಥ) ME: LOL... Are you trying to fix it? Bro: BYE! ❤︎ ~~~ Baby bro: AHAHAH I guess it's not that easy to fix omg, kill him Noona!                    you make enough money to support me, right? ME: BYE! ❤︎ ~~~ Baby bro: YAAAAAAAAAA!

                                                        ***

Making myself busy during the whole day was hard, but I managed to stay out until night time. I ended up at a street restaurant where I ate too much and definitely drunk too many bottles of soju. I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol in my blood making me feel lonely and defeated or if it was simply my low self-esteem working really well on putting me down, or if it was the sum of these two. But I couldn't stop myself from thinking about how stupid and untalented, I probably was. I was really strong and didn't let any tear fall from my watering eyes.

- I need a hug... - I said drunk and desperate for some affection.

I stood up and left some money on the table. I was able to walk half properly until I found a taxi.

- Good evening, where to?

- Home, please! - I said excitedly.

For some weird reason, the driver seemed to think I was joking by the way he looked at him.

- And where is home?

- Oh! It's where I live, Sir! - I drew a square in the air with my fingers - In a house!

He stared at me for more than one minute and studied my touristic clothes and bags. I offered him some sweets and after I gave him my address he seemed less annoyed. "Why is he mad? Maybe he had a bad day or something." I thought as I gave him more sweets to make his night less bitter.

It didn't take long until I arrived home. I was glad all the lights were still on because the path was somehow really blurry. As I walked into the house, I could hear a lot of voices and laughs. "Too loud, fuckers." I couldn't recognise all the voices, but they were quite familiar. There were four beautiful boys in the living room with Kim Joon, my baby bro. I get closer to try to find out who our visits were and I saw a skinny blond boy laughing and making the others laugh with him.

- Your laugh seems contagious. - I said with a serious face as I tried to catch my cat.

- Why aren't you laughing, then? - He said adjusting his glasses.

- Oh, I'm vaccinated. Don't worry! - I said hugging my cat and letting her go after squeezing too hard.

Everyone laughed but the blond boy, he made a straight face and tried to look offended. I didn't worry too much, he seemed like he could handle a joke. I saw Kim Joon walking in my direction and I automatically hugged him really tightly. He tried to get rid of my arms and look me in the eyes, but I hid my face against his chest.

- Noona, are you drunk?!

- Aigooo! - I said as I pushed him away - That explains a lot of things, you're so smart! - I said and caressed his hair.

- Ya, paboya! Why are you acting up? - I heard Kim Jii (big bro) behind me.

After hearing my big brother's voice, tears started falling down uncontrollably. I just turned around and hugged him and berried my face into his neck. He smelled really nice today and that made me feel easeful and numbed. My hands holding his muscular backs were trembling, but the feeling of his sturdy hard body against mine made my heart hurt a little less. And when he finally hugged me back a shiver run through my body and made my legs weak. I hugged him tighter as I felt myself give away and I felt his soft and hesitant touch on my messy hair. To think all I needed was a hug from my... "WAIT A MINUTE!" Smells good? Muscular backs? What do you mean sturdy hard body?! And why would he hesitantly touch my hair, when usually he just messes it all up! I stepped back and pushed away from the boy I was hugging. "Oh, my ovaries!"

What a handsome young man! I felt as if his deep dark eyes were invading my soul, as he slightly leaned his head to the left and stared at me confused. He smiled awkwardly at me when he noticed my embarrassment. His cheeks lift up when he smiled and made his masculine face look adorably cute. I was still really confused and didn't notice I was still walking backwards as I stared at his face. And when I finally recognised him, I tripped and fell on my ass.

- Young... Young K! - I almost screamed and then looked around and realised DAY6 were in my living room looking at my drunk self.

I saw Young K biting his lower lip gently as he decreased the distance between us and reached out his hand to me.

- You know my name! It's only fair if I know yours too. - he said with what I thought it was a kind but at the same time naughty smile.

- Fuck.

- What? - he asked letting a laugh escape and bit his lip again.

- Oh! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! Fuck me! Fuck! NO! No, I don't mean that, hhhhhh fuck!

- What the fuck is wrong with you, Violet!? - I heard big bother Kim Jii shout behind Young K.

Masterlist & Chapters: Check my bio for the masterlist link. Idk why but posts with links don't show up on the tumblr's search feature anymore. So, I'll leave the link to my master list there, where you can find the other chapters easily. I hope this is still functional for you guys, sorry for the trouble. I hope you can still enjoy my work despite the technical issues.

Additional information: Violet calls Kim Jii and Kim Joon brothers, but their not her real brothers. She simply loves them a lot and since they live together they became each other family xD

~~~~

A/N: This wasn't a very long chapter but It was just the beginning! I hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know your thoughts about it ~

See you next time, hugs from your Sweet Little Bird.

#day6 #day6 fanfic #young k #day6 brian #day6 young k #fanfic #kpop #kpop fanfiction #kpop fanfic #myday #young k smut #smut #romance #day6 smut #day6 jae #day6 dowoon #day6 sungjin #day6 wonpil #jae #wonpil #dowoon #brian #day6 hot #young k hot

[leorysxi]

(/ω＼)ﾟ.+(〃ﾉωﾉ)ﾟ.+°50 More Interesting Questions

Tagged by the lovely @incorrectmidc, @theempresskaizer, and @spyrothetimelord~! ♡♡♡ Thanks!! :D

Rules: fill this out and tag at least one person you’d like to know more about! Or just fill it out! Or don’t! Answer only some of them! Make up your own questions! “What kind of requirement is that”, you ask? A reasonable one! Who am I to tell you what to do? Anything goes!

1. What kind of food can't you stand? Spicy food, food that has a really strong milk-taste, and any seafood or meat that are uncooked or not fully cooked.

2. If you could choose one minor inconvenience to never have to deal with again, what would you pick? Never having to check if there are any toilet paper left in the roll holder again. My sis likes to use it all up and freaking leave the cardboard tube on top of the tank lid when there are new ones literally three feet away ._.

3. Have you got any useless talents? Um I can use chopsticks with my left hand but it's useless since I usually use my right hand anyway lol

4. If you could be really really good at one thing, what would it be? Communication

5. Name a few people you think are extremely good-looking I think a lot of people are very good-looking tho... I really don't know where to start ^^;

6. What was your favorite way to pass the time as a kid? Reading books from libraries.

7. What is something you’re proud of? My dedication once I've put my mind to it.

8. What’s one character flaw in people that you just can’t tolerate? Assuming things and arrogantly believe they are right (whether they are right or not, it's the attitude that irks me the most).

9. Do you consider yourself to be more of a leader or a follower? I'm more of a follower. But if the leader is not cooperative, motivated and/or decisive enough, I'd do a bit of nudging to get the team project in the right direction.

10. What kind of student are/were you? The average kind that does average work and gets average grades.

11. Butterfly effect question! Has there ever been a seemingly minor decision you’ve made (at the time) that ended up having a profound influence on your life? Yes.

12. Name your most irrational fear/aversion High heights, like really high ones. It's not so much the height but the fear of falling that gets to me.

13. Are there any fictional characters you find especially relatable? Yep~

14. If you drink, what kind of drunk are you? Alternatively, what sort of person are you at parties? I've never drunk alcohol before lololol; it's a personal choice rather than a legal limitation. I'm the sort that sits in a corner and watches chaos unfold at parties :D

15. Do you fall in love easily? Or does it usually take a long time for you to trust someone? Not really, it's more like a premonition of love before I fall hard. And yes, it takes a very, very long time for me to trust anyone.

16. Would you rather have one close friend or 100 casual friends? I'd rather have one close friend than have a hundred casual ones.

17. Do you consider yourself to be more of a slob or a neat-freak? Uh, sorta both? I do organise my stuff neatly, having a place for every item to find them more easily. But I also have a bad habit of hoarding, which leads to a bit of mess in a corner of my room to clear up every once in a while ^^;

18. Describe a place (imaginary or real) that you would find incredibly cozy On my bed, furled beneath the blanket and hugging my pillows. Alternatively, sitting all curled up on my comfy mesh chair and having a towel or hoodie draped over my shoulders and legs like I’m doing now. I can get cosy anywhere that I feel safe at/with tho.

19. Do you have kids? If not, do you want them someday? No, and I don't see myself married anytime soon, much less have kids.

20. What was your favorite book as a child? The Secret Island by Enid Blyton, the Nancy Drew series, Harry Potter series, usually stories that are about solving mysteries or set in fantasies.

21. Name one thing you just don’t get what all the hype is about Fidget spinnersssss (?-?)

22. Name one thing that you think is tragically underrated Manga series that are refreshingly original and good and has so much potential and tragically axed or at risk of it :'c (im5eversaltyaboutClassi9 TnT)

23. If you had to be glued to a person for a month, real or fictional (who you have never met), who would you choose? Eh no way, I prefer my privacy and being alone, so "noone" it is for me.

24. What’s something you’d like the chance to do someday? Visit other countries, to see and experience more of the world.

25. Do you typically speak your mind when you have a controversial opinion? Or do generally prefer to not rock the boat? I prefer not to rock the boat. It's only when I feel it's necessary that I speak up.

26. What’s the dumbest fad you’ve been caught up in? I don't know if it's a fad, but I really regret playing Clash Royale :/

27. What’s something you thought was cool as a kid/adolescent, but now cringe at yourself for? I thought it was cool to have an attitude when I was a kid. Thinking about it now, it's just embarrassing.

28. What’s a trait you consider to be very admirable? Confidence

29. Is there a particular kind of item people always tend to give you as gifts? (For instance, people always get you things with ducks on them because you like ducks, etc.) Not really.

30. Do you speak multiple languages? Which ones? Yep; English and Chinese (Mandarin & Hokkien). I'm also learning Japanese (self-taught) but progress is slow ^^;

31. Would you rather live in the big city or the countryside? In the city, just not the busiest part of it tho.

32. Has there ever been something you were certain you’d hate, but ended up loving? I used to hate wearing closed-toe shoes but now I love 'em :’D

33. Do you mind being the center of attention, or do you prefer the spotlight to be on someone else? Spotlight on someone else pls

34. Favorite holiday? New year, for the festive end-of-year mood if nothing else.

35. Are you a more go-with-the-flow type of person, or do you need to have things planned meticulously? I'm a go-with-the-flow type of person but I NEED to have things planned out to get them done lol

36. Is there something you loved so much you wish you could forget it and experience it all over again? (A tv show, book, series–anything.) Nah, while nothing compares to that first experience, neither does the second or third rerun through nostalgia and familiar moments compare to anything else either. There's usually something new I'd discover in rereads too, whether it's something I missed the first time or how my thoughts have changed about certain moments or places.

37. What hobbies do you have? Reading, drawing, playing video games, writing, watching anime, looking at the sky, collecting stamps and old coins & foreign dollar notes and owl motifs, surfing the internet, archiving, and various other activities that hold my attention every once in a while (like folding origami, baking, voluntary work, DIY projects, etcetra).

38. If you could have a superpower, but it was only mildly useful, what ability would you want to have? Uhhh not having to trim my nails and toenails? idk, what exactly constitutes as a 'mildly useful' superpower~~??

39. Something people are always surprised to learn about you That I'm older than I look ^^;

40. Something that took you way too long to figure out How the mask function works on Photoshop and PaintTool Sai orz

41. Worst injury you’ve had? Splinters in my fingers. I had this constant fear that smaller splinters were still stuck in my fingers 'cause it hurts whenever I press down on them and I couldn’t concentrate on doing work at all D: (I’m pretty lucky tho, never broke a bone or twisted anything in my life.)

42. Any morbid fascinations? Death and tragedies.

43. Describe your sense of humor Weird and poorly-timed.

44. If you had to be born in another era/place, which would you choose? Modern Japan.

45. Something you are irredeemably bad at Time management o(-(

46. Something that sucked but you’re glad you went through School

47. Would you rather have a really godawful ugly tattoo in a place that is only slightly inconvenient to conceal with clothing (upper arm, thigh, etc.), or the coolest, most beautiful tattoo ever in the middle of your face? (Neither tattoo can be removed or concealed with makeup, and the ugly tattoo will deeply offend anyone who sees it.) I'd rather have neither but that's not an answer is it? I'd rather have the ugly tattoo then, at least it can be hidden or removed by laser.

48. Are you more of an optimist or a pessimist? I expect the worst and believe in the best, that every challenge has its share of difficulties and opportunities. I guess I'm something of an optimist who can be pessimistic, and vice-versa.

49. What would be the most flattering compliment someone could give you? That I've made a positive influence in their life.

50. Something you feel people often misunderstand about you That I think I'm better or find them uninteresting or something awful when I just like to stay quiet and do a lot of thinking. They're right about me being weird tho ^^

Tagging: @astridapples @confused-tofu @countdowntocake @emigotchi @infinitycrayons @juzbijou @kakihoden (:3) @lustfullyleocrawford @midnightuglystepsister (hi!) @trixtzu and anyone else who wants to answer these~! >w<)/

#tagged! #long post #personal #50 More Interesting Questions

[deadmumdiary]

The death of my dead mum lol

This story starts on Monday the 15th of October 2012 at 3.36pm

I was walking to the bus stop home from school like I usually did, dad called me and said that he was gonna come to pick me up so we could drive into the hospital to see mum. This wasn’t unusual because she had been in and out of hospital for the past 5 years, and this particular moment of my life, heading into Wellington Hospital was fucking annoying, I would have much rather gone home to skype my mates and talk about NCEA level 1. I remember complaining to my friend Celine that I didn’t want to go in, Dad said to me I didn’t have to if I didn’t want to but Celine convinced me It was the nice daughterly thing to do, also I know that these late avo trips into Welly hospital meant sushi or noodle canteen for dinner so I decided I would go. Got there and had a chat with mum, dad gave her a foot massage while i played with the photo app on the iPad, then I drew a picture of our 2 cats and 3 chickens on the whiteboard in mums room. She was always beautiful, everyone always said to me how she didn’t look sick. Seeing her in hospital was so normal for me now, so even though she was in compression socks and a gown I still thought she looked like a queen.

“When will you be out of here mum?”

“Probably in a couple of days, we have to do a check on my wrist vein thing for the blood dialysis machine”

Shit like this was absolutely normal too, I mean I used to pride myself on shaking up her blood test blood capsule things.

“See ya later, I love you mum”

I’m writing this now and it’s really odd thinking about it. It’s almost been 5 years but I haven’t tried remembering the story this much in depth, like ever I think.

That night I think, I can’t remember the time and I can’t remember what I was doing but Dad rushed into my room and said that he had to head into the hospital because something was wrong with mum, he said I shouldn’t worry, and that my Aunty Carmel was coming over, but I was really fucking worried because why would he have to go in late at night if something wasn’t wrong? I wish I was old enough to drink wine back then. Aunty came over and I remember cuddling her and crying on the couch. Dad didn’t come home that night but I remember that I ended up falling asleep on the couch and then Dad woke me up in the morning and said that we have to go into the hospital because over the night mum had gotten worse and she had started having seizures, something about her heart had messed up and wasn’t sending oxygen to her brain or something? I remember being really fucking confused by this because she had multiple myeloma cancer, and then also kidney failure, but why the fuck was her heart shitting out? I got to the hospital and there were so many people in the room, I pushed in and held mums hand. She was having seizures so she was opening and closing her mouth and eyes and moving her head around, they had to keep giving her medication to calm her body down, they said she couldn't hear or see me, but she kept reaching out her hand and looking at me right in the eye, I was certain she could. I was 15 so every 20 minutes someone would take me out of the room to sit in the waiting area when her seizures were getting too crazy, I remember thinking that I wasn’t a kid and I didn’t wanna leave and that I could handle it, but no one let me do what I wanted to, which was totally not their fault, I don’t think anyone knew what the “right” thing to do was, so I don’t blame them.

I didn’t cry at the hospital, I hadn’t cried since the night before when Dad said he had to head in. Dad had his guitar at the hospital, ⅔ of mums sisters, My Nana, My mums friend and her husband, my dad and me were all in the room. I think we sung Don’t Worry by Bob Marley but I can’t really remember now. I actually don’t remember what happened next, I don’t think the machine made a loud beep noise for ages or anything, I don’t think there was pain, I just remember her being dead. I remember looking at her face go from skin colour to a purple grey, I remember Dad shutting her eyes with his fingers like they do in movies, and I remember being so amazed at how cold and hard her body turned straight away. She died in my arms, I was holding her hand, and then there was just nothing. I remember being confused and concerned about how life could disappear from someone so quickly. We left quite soon after she died, if I could have changed something about that day (apart from her just not dying) I think I would have liked to stay and just be there with her for a bit. I remember holding my dads hand like I was 5, I was confused and it’s like I forgot how to be a functioning human for a bit, I had to be led around by dad to get anywhere because I couldn’t control my legs on my own, I couldn’t talk either, It was like everything in the whole world was really foreign. I remember feeling like i couldn’t remember how to do anything anymore. It was 10.40, i remember this because that’s when morning tea would be if I was at school. I called my friend Natalie to tell her and the rest of my friends that mum had died, they thought I was taking the piss because I wasn’t crying, I didn’t sound sad either I guess, I think I was numb. I remember her starting to cry on the phone, I remember being confused about that, I dont know why I was confused because thats a pretty normal reaction.  

Me and dad walked into the elevator and my mums last sister came out and asked how everything was going, she got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, I think she could tell what happened because she just started to scream, I remember feeling worse for her than I did for myself, I think dad was pretty upset because he just pointed to the room and got in the elevator. While we were driving home we had our usual playlist on but Yesterday by the Beatles played and me and Dad were both like ahhhh.

I can’t remember what happened for the rest of the day, like at all. We must have got home at maybe 1pm. I remember having my first full blown panic attack that night when I was in bed. It would have been 2am or 3am, nearly 17 hours after mum had actually died, It was the first time I had cried. I remember dad sitting on the bed with me crying, and i was screaming at the top of my lungs and kicking my legs and flailing my arms about, I couldn’t control anything that was happening to me, I can’t remember calming down, I think I must have exhausted my body and fallen asleep.

I can’t remember anything from the next day until about 5pm because we had a BBQ at my house, I remember me and all of my friends and cousins sitting up on the road, I remember chain smoking rollies with my cousins who didn’t know I smoked at that point, but they didn’t mind giving my ciggies. I remember talking about IUD’s and ingrown toe nails, and i remember that my friend Ben was wearing Nike shoes. It’s quite funny the things you remember in these situations.

I cant remember Thursday, The funeral was on Friday, I didn’t cry, I wrote something stupid on her coffin, I thought I was being a cool adult at the time, I wish I wrote something silly and honest. Dad didn’t want me to go to the place where the coffin gets cremated, I think he thought It would be too much for me, but I remember leaving the funeral as soon as it had finished so I could go to my friend Nick’s house to smoke cigarettes. I remember that my cousin bought me a box of smirnoff Ice at the after party of the funeral. I remember being kind of drunk, my whole family was there, It was a cool party.

I can’t really remember any of the days after that, I can’t really believe how much of this whole situation I can’t really remember, lots of it is really blank to me which i find quite interesting really, I think my brain is doing that on purpose. Weird lol. But yeah shit happens and that is my story.