#emotionally and psychologically he's having a time of it

[aurae-rori]

DR RATIO ANALYSIS PT 3 BUT IT'S JUST GAY

Now, you might be saying - "Aurae, you've done part one, and part two, so why do we need a part three?" The answer is because of two things - one. I made a deal with the Tumblr Peoples that if one of my posts hit more than 50 likes I would do this analysis. Two. Mihoyo is making this shit canon. I CAN'T MAKE THIS UP. So, let's delve into my usual disclaimer, as we might have some new people joining us for the first time with my insanity.

I have been researching psychology personally for about six years, so although I am not a professional (crawling my way there through the education system. I will be one, one day.) I do have some experience with analyzing homosexuals. Psychology hours, my children. They don't call me "chronically cooking" for nothing. Maybe I should change my url to that...

NOW THAT MY LONG AHH DISCLAIMER IS OVER, LET'S GET INTO THIS! It's time to deconstruct these homosexuals like a modern airplane, because they might as well be taking off with how canon they are.

"It can't be canon," they say, but then Mihoyo DOES PAID SPONSORSHIPS WITH THESE FUCKERS BEING GAY. We've all seen the paid partnership edit. We've all seen the video where Aventurine has the audio of "nice rack" as he talks to Dr. Ratio. PAID SPONSORSHIPS. Now, if that piece of evidence isn't enough for you - let's dive into their actual relationship, which is just a HOMOSEXUAL MESS. I will be focusing more on how Dr. Ratio sees this guy as this is a Dr. Ratio analysis™, but hey, the crumbs.. we eat 'em all. Amen.

Let's start off (I say as I write this part three days later) about how people are like, 'Aven is Ratio's favourite idiot' WRONG. Ratio does NOT consider Aventurine to be an idiot and knows that he is smart and capable in his own right. While Ratio is book smart, Aven is extremely street smart and holds his own very well. Ratio does not consider Aventurine to be an idiot as he takes off his plaster head around him and actually indulges in his whims around him. This is a blatant showcase of fondness because although he is emotionally constipated and can't be affectionate through words without sounding semi-backhanded because he's never had true affection in his life, he showcases his love through actions rather than words. He's just bad at showing love, okay? But he does love Aven. Or like him, to some extent, if you don't want to see them as romantic, which is fine. However, no matter what you label their bond as, it's obvious that they care for one another.

Also, the fucking ZEST FEST that was 'keeping up with Star Rail'. He says, "wait a minute - MUTUAL?" which indicates that he has respect for Aventurine in the first place. He LITERALLY TOLD US that he respects Aventurine and he was commenting on Aventurine's playstyle & everything.. also, at the end, he was here because 'I appreciate this show's dedication to knowledge' - his TONE. Kudos to the VA because that was not convincing at all. Bro was NOT here for the knowledge, bro was here to be GAY!!! Also his little own bathtub couch. We all know Aven bought it for him. Trust, I am John Hoyoverse.

"The Charming Audacity" HUH? BRO? Okay this is hilarious to me because this is the first time that we ever really see them interact with one another, and we get absolutely bitchslapped in the fact that Dr. Ratio calls this guy's audacity 'charming'. That's GAY. That's HOMOSEXUAL.

Also, comparing him to a peacock.. a very beautiful bird.... Must I say more?

Now, the part that I really want to focus on is the part where he gives the Doctor's Note to Aventurine. This shit is important. And I agree with the people who are like - Acheron helped him. Because she did. She was a big part of it and she helped Aventurine get back on his feet in the void. Dr. Ratio is not his only reason to live, but the note, showing that someone will stay by his side? Showing that someone truly cares for him? Someone who's waiting for him when he get back? This bond that he has with Dr. Ratio isn't fake. He already has a starting point to get back to - an anchor to return to. Dr. Ratio is his anchor. Whenever he goes off to do crazy shit, Veritas Ratio will be there when he returns. Because Ratio is loyal. Ratio cares. He cared enough to almost jeopardize their plan to make sure that Aventurine was going to be okay. He cares so damn much about Aventurine that he decided that this man's emotional state after the fake betrayal was more important than all of fucking Penacony.

If you want an example of "I would let the world burn for you," it's Ratio. He's a romantic not in the traditional sense, but he cares and loves Aventurine so damn much it makes my heart hurt. "Do stay alive," he says, knowing that Aventurine struggles with living. Those three words mean the whole fucking world to someone who struggles with suicidal ideation and suicidal thoughts. Someone wants you to live. Someone wants you to stay. Someone wants you by their side.

Dr. Ratio cares. Let me say that again - he cares. He banters with Aventurine, tries to create an environment where Aventurine can feel a little bit more comfortable with the two of them, even in a place as dangerous as Penacony. He will put his own life on the line for Aventurine.

He cares. He cares so damn much. I hate gay people. They make me VIOLENTLY homophobic.

Dr. Ratio after expressing his care indirectly and complimenting Aventurine indirectly: Did I do it?

Aventurine, who has caught none of the hints:

Anyway, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

#aurae analyzes #hsr #aventio #honkai star rail #dr ratio #ratiorine #aventurine #veritas ratio #raturine #golden ratio #aventurine x dr ratio #analysis #character analysis #relationship analysis #these bitches gay #good for them

[not-goldy]

Do you sometimes think that Jimin is the smartest member in the band and that he is one of the smartest people I have ever known? How can a person be aware of what is around him to this degree of accuracy? He knows exactly how to deal with people and fulfills the emotional needs of the person he interacts with. He also knows his goals well and always seeks to develop himself.

in every period of time you will find him has developed a new skill to deal with those around him. I find that in his saying, “Rather than pushing those people away, I learned how to react less emotionally to them,” there is an amount of maturity that I have never seen before in my life, and as a psychology graduate, I adore Jimin's way of encouraging himself with self-talk. I see that he uses many psychological methods to conduct his life, and this indicates that he is aware of the shortcomings in his personality and always tries to improve them. He is the member who shows the most change at the level of personality and self-acceptance from the days of his debut until now. I respect him very much.

Lastly, people may mistake Jimin's humility for his lack of confidence, but is there a person who does not have confidence who would say such things to his father when he was a child? I am always thankful for festa 2021 because it showed me the confident side of Park Jimin. He really can make his own way.

It's not surprising he is a Libra.

It's not uncommon for Libras to exhibit such innate higher level of self awareness but the social and emotional intelligence is all him I'm afraid.

I definitely think he's the most emotionally intelligent MALE not just in BTS but in the world 💀

He's still a very young man but he's dedication to learning growing and becoming his higher self is admirable.

In a world full of douchebags running around beating their chest and trying to force every female to bow to them just because of their private part Jimin is a breath of fresh air.

Beautifully written 🔥🔥🔥

[scoobydoodean]

How did, you think, the perception of Dean come to be so twisted/different from what is actually shown to us? Like some things I can see people just not bothering to look past superficial instances (The “no chic flick moment” thing, assuming that him not having Sam’s level of formal education means he’s automatically unintelligent because people assume that irl, for example) but others (Him being emotionally constipated in fandom but genuinely one of the most introspective and emotionally intelligent characters in canon, making him a slob/a bigot/an abuser, or someone that only hunts for the thrill of the kill) just… I can’t even begin to understand and it’s so homogeneous in the Fanon Mindset too.

I honestly do think a lot of these relate to Sam in an interesting way. A lot of narratives about Dean are in "contrast" to Sam. Sam is smart, Dean is dumb. Sam is introspective and emotionally intelligent, Dean is repressed. Dean is a slob, Sam is neat. We get many of these ideas from or through Sam.

Sam sometimes makes digs at Dean's intelligence (though he's far from the only one—even Dean himself is guilty of it) and people just kind of buy into that and regurgitate it despite the many examples we get to the contrary. In fact (and I wish I had tracked this in particular over this rewatch but I noticed how often it was happening pretty late) Dean is often referred to as dim-witted right before or right after displaying exactly how brilliant he is.

I think a lot of the idea that Dean is emotionally closed off also heavily comes down to Sam... because Sam is often the person asking demanding Dean open up, and when Dean refuses to open up to Sam, and Sam starts spouting off pop psychology talk about it not being good to "bury your emotions" or whatever... people buy into what's being sold to them... by Sam. Sam is selling a story that HE is emotionally healthy, but Dean is NOT emotionally healthy, and the details of what is upsetting Dean need to be pried out of him for his own good. When the truth is, 1) in many cases, what we are actually seeing is Sam being pushy and not respecting Dean's boundaries 2) many of these instances show Sam urging Dean to open up to him as a proxy for his OWN feelings that HE is avoiding (ex: 2.02, 5.11, 13.04) 3) other instances demonstrate that he is a poor confidant for Dean who is best avoided because he will harm Dean using what Dean's opened up to him about (ex: 2.09/2.11, 4.08/4.14/4.18/4.21, 6.02, 13.04). 4) Other episodes simply demonstrate that Sam is not always a preferred confidant because of their upbringing or whatever other reason but is still willing to be vulnerable with others (even if spurned by them too) (ex: 2.03, 3.10, 3.16, 4.15, 4.16, 4.22, 5.07, 6.02, 6.06, 7.04, ). And even then... Dean still opens up to Sam quite a lot! (ex: 1.16, 1.18, 1.22, 2.03, 2.09, 2.20, 4.10, 4.11, ... I'm losing steam here but you get the idea).

One of the reasons this happens I think is actually a lack of interest in Sam. Because many fans don't spend a lot of time analyzing Sam, they tend to vaguely grasp who he is based on how he talks. Then the issue multiplies when they use him as a self-insert in a fanfic instead of characterizing him as he is in the show, using him to tell Dean or Cas things the author wants them to hear, or to act as a confidant. That further lends to this belief that Sam is some High EQ Therapist Lite type who is endlessly sensitive and vulnerable and Dean is uniquely in need of Someone To Help Him Get His Shit Together.

The idea that Dean is a slob I give people a little more grace with, because I think it likely comes about more honestly through how Dean eats—and this is one area where Dean absolutely is not neat. He tends to ignore manners when eating, and I think a lot of people extrapolate from "Dean doesn't care about table manners" -> "Dean is a slob". Dean actually having some issues with germs at times is something members of the writing team have messed up before. It might also be related to Sam's weird perception of manners surrounding food (i.e., not eating food in other people's houses even when it's offered to him for some reason) and people associating his overemphasis on that with "neatness" in contrast to Dean.

Another angle here is probably classism rearing it's ugly head. Because Dean has less formal education than Sam, he has to be a slob, and he has to be emotionally closed off, and he must be a bigot, and etc etc etc.

The reasons some people insist on Dean being a bigot or an abuser are more nebulous (many forms of bigotry may be under discussion, many moments might be chosen as "proof" of one thing or another and that may require some more individual attention). In a broad sense, it's sometimes classism at work here. However, a lot of these ideas persist through certain metas passed around by people who already don't like Dean. Many of them developed a dislike for Dean early on and will always choose interpretations of various events that cast him in the worst light based on their first impression, whether their interpretation is all that reasonable or not. I mean, I could go around saying Sam idolizes a known pedophile and is afraid of people with certain disabilities because he's ableist, and I could insist his interactions with Madison in "Heart" are intentionally written to tell us that Sam is an absolute creep who takes advantage of vulnerable women, but if the goal is to analyze the show in good faith, my analysis ends up being more charitable as I dismiss some of these things as Writer Crimes or things that maybe I wasn't intended to take so seriously or things that are a product of their time. Of course we also all know that some Sam and Cas fans love to shit on Dean for doing the same shit their fave did. That does sometimes leave me wondering if people's selective memory on Sam and/or Cas is more of the issue than their selective memory on Dean, but I also think because Supernatural is so long, and there is SO much fanon content, a lot of people's views on the characters are based around fanon/fanfiction they read in ways they simply don't realize, and that ignorance persists and strengthens as memories of the actual source material become more hazy.

NOTE: I know you know this—but for others: I track some of these things in the following tags:

#my smart bby

#dean and introspection

#bad therapist sam

#dean and cleanliness

#dean minimizations

#mail

[egginfroggin]

Snippet from a fic for Whumptober day 6: "It should have been me"

An alternate series of events for chapter 4 of I Told You So; nobody has a good time, Sabi is very unhappy, and Emmet gets to experience emotional damage.

Notes: blood, serious injury (specifically: seriously injured child), fear, threats of hypothermia and frostbite

Nobody dies, though.

Please let me know if I need to change any of the tags or add any tags.

Happy reading.

----------

It was everywhere, the white, the cold, the snow, the ice, the chill – caked onto his eyelashes as he squinted, trying to keep his eyes from freezing open or shut, shoved into his boots from running, dusting his clothes and Sabi’s messy bangs, covering the blue of his own scarf that was wrapped around her forehead.

The burning in his lungs and the need to leave made him dictate that this was safe enough. He dropped to his knees, curling around the tiny girl wrapped in his coat, and fumbled with the satchel at his waist. His fingers shivered with cold and rapidly encroaching fear – fear that seemed to be drawing closer and closer like a beast that had been kept at bay as he ran and was now free to catch up – but eventually caught and yanked the satchel open, reaching in to pull out the Celestica Flute.

He didn’t bother with the melody, didn’t bother with any sense of decorum or propriety or drawing up any of the learned skill he’d needed to figure out how to play in the first place – he just fitted his lips around the flute, ignoring how the frigid surface almost tried to cling to them, and blew.

Sabi gave a protesting sound at the blast of noise, the off-key, high-pitched scream that flew from the instrument. She whined, and he quickly dropped the flute to the snow in order to shush her.

Her eyes flickered open, looking up at him, and he was briefly ripped back to the marshes – back to finding her, as still and silent as the corpse of her mother he rolled off of her, soaked in brackish water and mud and blood that wasn’t her own –

Emmet shook his head, shaking the thoughts away – her eyes then had been too bright, and her eyes now were terribly dull.

“Do not move,” he said, lifting a hand to dust snow off of her face and hair. “I will call again. Do not move.”

He plucked up the flute again, blowing another pair of harsh, sharp notes into the mounting storm. They sang over the wind, and he knew that Lord Braviary would hear.

A deathly caterwaul sounded from behind him, bringing the reminder that his Noble was not the only one who would hear.

#warden sabi #subway boss emmet #submas #whumptober 2023 #cw injury #cw fear #all fictional #i told you so au #eggin's writings #it's bad time for blorbo hours again #nobody is happy in this situation #so yeah y'all remember how emmet got injured by a zoroark in chapter 4? #yeah sabi basically harassed emmet into bringing her along #and bad stuff happened #emmet is physically mostly okay #emotionally and psychologically he's having a time of it #and sabi is injured and very out of it #again. nobody is happy in this #but nobody dies it's okay

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

The lights out au is the first au in a while to peak my interest : O

I gotta know, why is Sally evil and what does she do?

Also how's Barnaby doing? <: (

im Delighted to hear that!! (also hi! your laughingstock art is adorable!)

Sally isn't really evil per se... she's just sleepwalking! while having mild to intense nightmares! most of the time she just sleeps in her house, but once per day she takes a walk - a "patrol" - around the neighborhood before going back to sleep. every so often she wakes up Extra agitated, and needs to be soothed to sleep or she'll get destructive. in general, though, Nightlight!Sally just patrols and attacks anything that makes noise until it goes Quiet again

and Barnaby! well! he's having the most wonderful dreams <3

#they're both very sleepy puppets #very Whee-Snaw Snork Mimimi Snzz yk yk #yeah barn's arm is Temporarily Not Part Of Him but he's not awake to notice or care <3 #and well. hm. also it depends on which part of the au we're talking about #(most of) part one? sleepies #part two & onwards? barnaby is having a bad fucking time! emotionally! psychologically! situationally! #sally is also having a Very bad time! everyone has it rough for a While! #things have to get monumentally Worse before it starts to improve!! #wh lights out au #rambles from the bog #and i will say it now: barnaby survives. so does sally. whether they like it or not #but before all that! #good dreams! #unless you're sally! then good dreams interspersed with Terrible Nightmares! #in my mind barnaby's dream is him lounging in tree's shade during perfect weather. smoking his favorite tobacco <3

[tomwambsmilk]

It's 100% true that the Roy siblings did not choose to be Logan's children and Tom and Greg and the old guard did choose to work for him so their relationships to Logan are fundamentally different, and the degree of culpability they bear for their own moral degradation is also wildly different. But workplace emotional abuse is also very real and omnipresent in the way Logan treats the people who work for him. And one of the impacts of workplace emotional abuse is creating an extreme attachment to the abuser and becoming less cognizant and even defensive of their abuse towards yourself and others, and in cases where the emotional abuse is institutionalized and systemic it can also create a strong aversion to leaving because your whole sense of personal identity becomes wrapped up in the organization and so being forced to leave can cause an intense psychological crisis. I don't think the situation of working for Logan is at all equivalent to being his child but I also think that it's a bit misguided to imply that Tom and Gerri and Frank and Karl are operating from a place of pure rationality without any undue psychological influences when they make the choice to stay with and support Logan

#used to work at a place that had an extremely emotionally abusive president for years and years and the people who worked there long term #were FUCKED UP. it was wild #i think it's easy to overlook that on succ bc it's very secondary to whats going on with the roy family proper. as it should be #but I also think one of the questions succ explores in tom as a character (and others) is how difficult it can be to leave these situations #even if you did choose to get into them #I don't think 'tom can leave at any time' is really a fair assessment bc technically yes. but practically? psychologically? #like yes he bears responsibility for getting himself into this situation due to his own greed and selfishness in a way the roy kids do not #but that doesn't mean it's easy or straightforward to walk away #also. tom is married to shiv which places him in the unique position where the only way to walk away is to cut off both his wife #and the company he's spent his whole life at #he could have NOT married shiv this is very true. and I think the choice to marry her even after she lied to him about sleeping with nate #means that he did have some idea of what he was getting into. he knew this was not going to be the fairytale marriage he wanted #he already knew about cruises too. he knew waystar was corrupt #that moment was the opportunity to walk away and he did NOT take it #and that is on him #but that does not making walking away now any easier

[note-boom]

At this point, I'm not sure what's going on in the anime AND the manga. But good luck to those of you who are still managing to keep up with it. I wish you....boxes of tissues and/or pitchforks of rage.

#i think all the good guys are dying #and everyone is at least severely wounded somewhere #people are banking on the narrative fukuchi-ing everything back to normal #you know im reminded of that one post by i think it was originalartblog (or their main blog) #that talked about chuuyas og ability being the enchancement of abilities #it would be kinda funny to me if that was true and he enhanced the space-time sword and really did fukuchi everything back #and then he and cat girl could hold hands and be like the criminal saviours of the cast while everyone but dazai is frozen #that wouldnt be satisfying but it would be funny at least #anyway sorry for not being active lately...the queue might die a bit for a while #i have been consumed (circumstantially not emotionally/psychologically) #(unless you count bsd and orv (and link click. sort of) thoughts that permanently rotate around my head a psychological consumption) #bsd #bsd season 5 #note's nonsense

[subconsciousmysteries]

what I like about 7s is you can tell when they are fuckboys unless you have a room temperature IQ. maybe it is a natural talent that only I have (I really doubt this but I dont wanna insult ppl who've been victimized by 7 fuckboys). however it is just so obvious to me when a 7 dude is a fuckboy trying to taste all his options vs. when he is ripe and ready for commitment. the way that 7s show you bluntly when they are bored with you by ignoring you or only responding with one liners is actually a good thing. I find 7s to be very transparent, very obvious about what they want from you even if they don't directly communicate it with words. they are not capable of leading me on because they never give me the impression that they think I'm special in the first place. they never immerse themselves in my world and make me feel special because they're too preoccupied with their own.

meanwhile other types of men cough cough withdrawns are confusing as hell to the point it feels like manipulation and deception. they can larp like they are all innocent when they are the world's biggest fuckboys. they become deeply connected to you as a friend, they show you that they have a crush on you that they are too scared to act on, and they act like they're ready for exclusivity to get you into bed when often they are not. with words and with showing a genuine interest in your world, they make you think you are extremely special to them, yet many of their actions (or lack thereof) imply that you are not.

no one talks about how 7s with the 1 line can grow up and develop an intense dutifulness towards relationships. the meme is that 7s struggle with commitment but in my experience it really depends on the 7 in question. relational commitment issues are a lot more complicated than "lol 7". any type can have them and its usually rooted in trauma or plain old spiritual weakness.

see my tags for more

#7s struggle with committment towards a lot of things but relationships arent necessarily one of them #i see it like its a bar #in a video game #and the 7 bar for “things you struggle to commit to” is SUPER BIG #but many 7s consume that struggle to commit on non relationship things #like their job their work ethic their dreams their good habits (they dont commit to these things) #7s also have a capacity to commit which is small #but they can develop it to be bigger over time #and many choose to spend the little capacity for commitment they do have on relationships #anyways a problem is that 7s can lack the ability to make you feel special because they dont like going too deep emotionally #ive had this problem with my bf and been like “im leaving” but then he was always like noo stay #and i was like well thats the first time anyones wanted me to stay #all these withdrawn dudes made me feel like a princess but it turned out to be shallow words & platitudes because they didnt want to persis #actions are all that really matters and this is what assertive types understand that withdrawns dont #the tradeoff is that assertives are insensitive fucktards who make you feel like theyre always thinking about something better than you #assertives literally never have time for you. even if theyre sitting inside scrolling thru phone all day. its a psychological thing #their thing is always better... more worthy of attention than your thing. #intimacy is difficult with an assertive type. regardless of what your type is #3s and 8s guilty of this as well #im sure ive made my partners in the past feel this way... like theyre unimportant and im always thinking of better things #and i make my bf feel this way sometimes too #he complains #as do I #lmao

[ashes-0f-phoenix]

Finding good resources on how to recover from an abusive relationship where you were the one who physically abused your partner is nigh impossible & I am just now reaching a place of being able to acknowledge the harm I caused after a year of defensively denying it and I'm so ashamed of having fallen into the cycle as a past victim of abuse myself...

Like I could never even imagine forgiving somebody who did what I did - how can I possibly reasonably expect someone else to forgive me. How do I fix this. I never want to do that again. Good Lord

#'afab people can't abuse men' shut the fuck up aaaa #one time i snapped at my partner so i smashed his head into the heater and gave him a concussion #and NO i did not have a 'good reason' to do it. no he never abused me. not emotionally not psychologically not sexually. #sometimes i just couldn't control my violent impulses and hurt people i genuinely loved. i am biologically female. that doesn't absolve me

[queencvbra]

Thinking about how isolated Tory was even inside of c.obra k.ai itself after the shift into Kreese and Silver’s leadership. With Hawk and Miguel leaving, she didn’t really have any friends until Robby joined. She had other “allies”, yes, but nothing beyond the surface level of dojo loyalty. And something that contributed a lot to her isolation was the change in ck as a whole. Before, it was comprised of a bunch of outcast kids trying to find some form of empowerment, and that’s what drew Tory there. That’s where she fit the best; she was also an outcast trying to find her own sense of worth and community. Somewhere she belonged. But then Kreese and Silver overhaul the whole damn thing and most of the outcasts are replaced with these privileged rich kids because of their athletic capabilities and willingness to conform to whatever their senseis want. It stops being about empowering those who need it and about the strength of an establishment.

And Tory didn’t fit in well with the new crowd. The first thing we see of her in s4? She is ALONE. Everyone else arrived together. She was by herself. They ignored her when they came in. Tory only matters to them when she approaches them, and even then, it’s in conflict. They represent the opposite of what she thought was great about ck and everything she didn’t want to become, yet there she was, and she was supposed to be one of them. Everyone on the outside thought she was one of them anyway, so what would it matter if she fought against the change? She wouldn’t be welcome outside of ck because of the things she’d done and the bridges she’d burned, but here she still had the choice to try and fit in. Do what her sensei tells her and conform, because that meant she could survive. It meant she had a chance. And yet, she never really could become one of them, could she? She couldn’t become another Kyler or even a Piper (who you can argue was just willfully ignorant instead of actively malicious like Kyler). There was never a moment in this new ck where Tory WASN’T torn between who she wanted to be and who she needed to be to survive in this environment. The only reason she wasn’t completely alone was because she had Robby (and later Kenny but only bc of that association with Robby tbh), and also Kreese, but there were plenty of times when it was questionable whether or not Kreese really had Tory’s back or if he was putting ck’s interests first.

#I am full of THOUGHTS #the fact that she only ever had one person who had her back without question during her whole stint in ck #yeah kreese had her back too a lot of times but the thing is #he also manipulated her #whether actively or unconsciously. he might not believe it was manipulation bc of his conviction in what he does but psychologically it was. #there were plenty of times when he put the interests of ck above tory's wellbeing #prime example of that is when he worked her up in s3 and got her to go lash out against md/ef #you cannot tell me he wasn't doing that on purpose in that scene. he knew what he was doing by telling her that shit in a very specific way. #he didn't have to tell her to go break in. he knew her well enough to know that she would do something. and he'd be blameless. #it didn't matter what came next as long as tory did *something*. anything to keep that separation and intimidate md/ef #kreese fought for tory and kreese emotionally manipulated tory are statements that are both true and not mutually exclusive #and I think that makes him telling her to fight her own way and reject ck's no mercy mentality at the tournament more impactful #because up until that point it was always ck first. even when helping tory. ck still came first. #but in that moment it was *tory* who he put first above ck. a BIG turnaround. #this is why I have so many complicated thoughts about her and papa john #bc he did right by her in the end but also that can't erase what came before and his intentions through indoctrinating her #do I think kreese genuinely cared about tory? yes. #do I also think he's a fucked up old guy with a lot of internalized shit who doesn't know how to separate his care from #his distorted world view and his ongoing manipulation of others? under the belief that he just wants what's best for his students? also yes. #I just love that dynamic it's so complex #and a lot to unpack for what it means for tory from the perspective of writing her #⚡ 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 ── ❝ She was made of lightning. ❞

[greppelheks]

Idk if it's nature or nurture, but everytime I see my uncle I realize I'm like a carbon copy of him.

#when I was little I looked up to him #he was the cool uncle who did his own thing #and didn't want too much to do with the family drama #(everybody is unhinged narcissistic personality disorders emotionally unstable and immature) #I desperately wanted to have a good relationship with him which unfortunately never happened #but I just now remember - I kinda forgot - how much I looked up to him #we both liked movies a lot and he'd sometimes burn some dvds for me #but now that I'm older I'm realizing how much I'm like him #we're both the two single siblings in the family never married living alone and liking it that way #we're both very independent and trying to heal from our trauma #both through some spiritual thing or learning about psychology #we both crave independence and freedom from work and people #we have similar ideas about relationships and living together and settling down etc #it's funny because now that I'm grown we're having a grown conversation and I notice how much he likes me #and probably sees something of himself in me #he's never fully healed from his family stuff I notice he has kind of a hard time expressing his feelings #getting a bit shy and uncomfortable #I've reached next level healing and emotional maturity #where I'm asking him the questions he wants someone to ask him #(our family will literally not show interest below surface level like ok you want to do this with your life ok thats nice) #so I asked him some questions about his dreams and relationships and he went OFF. #and it kinda... got the ball rolling because he started talking about stuff and I kinda set an example for others on how to ask stuff lmao #healing the bloodline #personal #anyway it's funny because I never felt connected to my family I never felt a part of it #but they've apparently been a big influence on how i see certain things anyway

[funsizepunkelf]

Carry On.

I smiled (very very very briefly)

I cried (a helluva lot)

I sobbed (the entire time)

I died (from so many feels)

And finally I smiled once again, as the tears streamed down my face.

my eyes hurt, my head hurts, my heart hurts, my ears hurt. (of course i had the volume turned all the way up)

but I have watched all fifteen years of Supernatural.

I can now lay my weary head to rest. (it's almost midnight)

and tomorrow.................................I start the rewatch.

Carry on my wayward son

There'll be peace when you are done

Lay your weary head to rest

We're back to season one

#supernatural #i finished it yay #now i have more emotional and psychological problems than i did before #my brain is def messed up #ah well #very much worth it #also Castiel is CANONICALLY alive and well in heaven cause Bobby said so #and you cannot tell me otherwise #he wasnt seen in heaven because Jack kidnapped him for some father-son bonding time #anyways #i will be emotionally unstable from now until the end of time about this (supernatural) #i laughed--i cried--it moved me deeply #it saved my life and helped me to carry on #i have not the words to say how much supernatural means to me #long story short i finished all episodes of supernatural for the very first time

[tra-le-patatine-a-fuoco]

“in italiano non esiste una parola per descrivere un genitore che ha perso un figlio”, I know in french there’s the word “parange” (parent+ange) that’s been used often for years, but some people are against it because it has a religious connotation or sounds too soft, so it had been asked to find a new word for it but I don���t know if they ever did.

#because it was already some time ago #must look it up again someday #my parents had to live through that too a couple of years before I was born #i always wondered what our lives would have been like if it didn’t happen #often do that still #I know it affected my father a lot #I mean I won’t go through very personal stuff but #he became extra protective of us to the point where his own family often mocked him for it #at least he wasn’t an emotionally unavailable parent unlike most of them #like do they really not understand how trauma works?? #it took me some time to understand exactly where it came from but I eventually did #don’t know how as an adult you’re not even capable of putting yourself through other peoples shoes sometimes #I’m sure it would have helped him to have some psychological help though but he never liked that #anyway good thing I said I wouldn’t get too personal about it #rant over sorry #I’ve been watching like 3 episodes in a row and it’s doing things to me

[agoraphobiaismyname]

WAIT- I JUST THOUGHT OF SOMETHING

There were a series of experiments performed 1958 (because Psychological studies used to be FUN back in the day before MORALS and NOT FUCKING YOUR TEST SUBJECTS UP became important to people) by Harry Harlow. The experiments are commonly known as the Wire Mother vs Cloth Mother.

In experiment #1:

They would separate infant Rhesus monkeys at birth from their mothers.

And place them in a cage with two surrogate mothers.

A wire mother who provided nourishment.

And a cloth mother who provided physical contact.

The monkey would spend the majority of the time with the Cloth Mother even if they didn't provide anything meaningful beyond contact. They would be braver with the Cloth Mother present, they would explore more. When confronted with a frightening object they would take refuge with the Cloth Mother.

I love the Murder Family concept as much as the next deranged autistic weirdo on this website but let's be honest. Will was never going to make a good Father. As much as he wanted a connection he couldn't bring himself to form one with the kid served up on a silver platter to him.

Will was the Wire Mother. He would have provided for Abigail, taught her appropriately but never be there for her emotionally like she would have needed.

Hannibal was the Cloth Mother. He didn't really care about Abigail. She was a means to an end. He provided comfort but nothing else, not at least what we would consider as appropriate nourishment.

#hannibal #will graham #nbc hannibal #hannigram #hannibal nbc #hannibal lecter #murder husbands #murder family #abigail hobbs

[after-witch]

Title: Are You There, God? It's Me [Yandere Feitan x Reader]

Title: Are You There, God? It's Me [Yandere Feitan x Reader]

Synopsis: You've been held captive by Feitan for months--you're long-since used to seeing blood. But it's the blood from your first period since you've been taken that has you feeling sick.

Word count: 2671

notes: yandere, kidnapped reader, descriptions of wounds and violence, mentions of previous physical abuse, reader gets their period

Over the past few months, you’ve seen a lot of blood. You’ve seen clotted blood on festering wounds; fresh blood seeping from underneath knives and nails; spatters of blood on the walls from the sudden trauma of severed limbs, fingers, toes. 

Over time, your stomach has stopped rebelling at the sight of it. Not that it gets easier to see, but it has gotten easier to stomach. Maybe your body refuses to give up the few nutrients that do make their way down your gullet, thanks to Feitan’s dislike of cooking and unwillingness to provide you with a basic grocery stock to work from. Frozen dinners only go so far. 

Whatever the reason, you’re rarely physically ill anymore when Feitan drags you to the basement and makes you watch him torture people. For information, or for fun, or sometimes both in equal measure. Emotionally, mentally, socially, psychologically ill is another thing entirely…

But here, now, in the quiet upstairs bathroom, the sight of your period blood smeared on your underwear has you ready to hurl. Your guts seize together and you wonder how quickly you’d be able to clean the toilet, should vomit make its way out of your throat. 

Your period is… back. 

It’s been a while. A few months. Stress had stolen it away, and you hadn’t thought much about it. You remembered when your dad died years ago--you hadn’t gotten your period for maybe 4 months, then. So it was no wonder that being kidnapped by some crazed serial killer who could turn his nails into knives seemingly at whim might throw your body’s organic clock all out of sorts.

But here, now, in the same damned quiet upstairs bathroom where you sometimes retreat to cry into towels, it’s back. 

What are you supposed to do?

Your first thought was to search the bathroom for period supplies, but of course, there were none. Not a single pad or tampon. 

(The sick thought occurs to you: even if one of Feitan’s victims survived long enough to get their period, it’s not like he’d be letting them take a break to put on a pad...)

No pads. No tampons. Certainly nothing as innovative as a cup.

So you’ve made do with the old standby: folding as much toilet paper as humanly possible and sticking it in your underwear. But you know it won’t last long. It’s meant to be a temporary stopgap on the way home from work or school, or until you can run out to the shop to grab a fresh box.

You can’t just run out to the shop. You can’t go anywhere. Not even outside, not even for a minute. You’re not even meant to freely ask for things; asking for anything--some fresh vegetables, a blanket that’s actually warm, new underwear--is a grueling, draining task that you often prep days in advance. 

And he doesn’t always say yes.

And this? This? No. There’s no way. You are not going to waltz up to your kidnapper and tell him that you’ve started something so personal and intimate. Humiliation doesn’t begin to describe the act. You want to fold up like a piece of paper and blow into the wind whenever you recall the conversation you were forced to have regarding new underwear made from 100% cotton--

Why? He’d asked. And you’d said it was more comfortable. He snorted. And you were worried that he might not think it was  important, so you had to explain that your body reacted poorly to anything less than 100% cotton. And he’d asked, simply: What do you mean? And you’d had to actually explain, voice mumbled and face blazing hot from shame, that you get irritated down there by other fabrics.

You can’t go through that again. For heaven’s sake--you’d have to tell him what sort of supplies you’d need! Did he even know the difference between a pad and a tampon? What if he asked why you needed an overnight pad versus a normal one? 

And there’s other things to consider. The dull ache in your lower stomach… he does have painkillers, but he’s only doled them out for serious things (your broken wrist, for slapping him--and the time you slipped on the stairs and hurt your back; you’re not allowed to walk up or down them on your own, anymore).

A heating pad would be nice. And a body pillow to put between your legs and curl up with. But to get them, you’ll have to ask Feitan. Ask him properly, the right way, at the right time. 

And he’d have questions, wouldn’t he? 

He’d want to know why you need a heating pad (“Because my uterus feels like it’s being clawed out, goddamn it!” would probably not fly) and who knows, maybe he’d tell you to just suck it up and you’d have to deal with the humiliation of being rejected on top of the shame of him knowing you’re bleeding from your most private of parts and--

No

No.

It’s not happening. You aren’t going to tell him, and that is that. You’ll do what you can to get through it--just a few days, that’s all, you used to have to sit through school without pain meds and heating pads and sure it sucked but you lived--and you’ll soldier on like you’ve done thus far. 

You sigh, and carefully flush the proof of your period--toilet paper and blood tinged urine--down the toilet. You’ll have to be careful about where you sit, and how you sit, lest you accidentally stain the sofa or the dining room chair. 

Then the thought comes to you, almost a buzz in your head--

Oh, fuck… what if it leaks on the bed when you sleep? Feitan would know. Feitan would see. You’d have to ask him for cleaning supplies or get caught dragging the sheet to the bathroom or… or…

No, that couldn’t happen. You’d do something. You’d--yes! The solution is simple. Easy as pie. 

You wouldn’t still be sane without quick thinking, so you nab a few towels from the back of the bathroom closet, shove them under your shirt like you used to mimic pregnancy as a child with an overactive imagination and a tendency for dramatic imaginative play times, and prepare to scamper to your bedroom and hide them until night falls.

You’d make a barrier, that’s what you’d do. Simple, easy. Effective. And Feitan never had to know.  

Feitan rarely bothered with you in the evening, anyway--he was too busy with his work. 

It was a perfect plan.

--

It was not a perfect plan.

Everything was going fine. You’d draped a cardigan around your waist in the afternoon when Feitan insisted you watch a film together, although as usual he didn’t sit on the same sofa as you, and simply stared at you now and then from his vantage point on the chair. The same cardigan had come in handy at dinner.

No leaks. No stains. And you’d pushed through the pain and discomfort of your cramps, all the while practicing pretending that something you ate wasn’t sitting well with you, if Feitan had noticed. 

He didn’t.

All you had to do was get to bed, make your barrier, and cover up with the blanket just in case it was one of the nights that Feitan came into your room in the middle of the night to stare at you like some sort of creepy owl. (Did he know you knew, or did he like to think you were unawares)

That’s it.

Simple enough.

Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy.

Right?

Wrong.

Because as soon as you’d finished smoothing out the second towel on top of the sheets, Feitan walked through the doorway to your bedroom.

Where he stands, now, staring at you with a look of false passivity.

“Why,” he asks, in a voice so mild that you know it means he’s absolutely invested in an answer, “you have towels on the bed?”

You’d come up with excuses for cramps; you’d even dabbled with pretending that you’d scratched your thigh or something, if you happened to bleed onto the sofa.

Feitan never really came into your room while you prepared for bed, so the thought of an excuse here never entered your mind. And now your mind whirled for an answer, coming up blank.

“I, uh,” you say, plopping yourself down on the towel as if covering it up with your body would somehow erase his memory. “I was… cold?” You offer, not even believing an ounce of your own life.

Feitan’s expression doesn’t change.

“Why?” The question leaves room for no excuses, no lies, nothing but the truth. There’s an ‘or else’ in his tone that you don’t care to uncover. 

This is sick. This is wrong. This is so unfair.

“I’monmyperiod.” You rush out the words, staring down at your thighs, cheeks so hot you’re sure the temperature in the room has raised by a few degrees.

“Slower.”

You could cry. You might, actually, you feel the pressure of tears building behind your eyes.

“I’m. on. My. Period.” The words come out behind gritted teeth.

You hear a sound you’ve never actually heard from Feitan before: a short, stuttered intake of breath. A surprised, involuntarily, clipped little noise of confusion.

It makes you look up, unable to process what you’ve just heard without seeing it. But what you see is even more confusing: 

Feitan is blushing.

Oh, just a little. Just the tiniest amount of ruddiness on his cheeks. If you were one of his victims or some random person on the street, you wouldn’t notice. But you notice all of Feitan’s little expressions, the nuances of his body language. The difference between how far he raises his eyebrows at you can mean the difference between pain and mild discomfort. 

So yes, you notice this slight ruddiness on his cheeks, and your brain whirs pathetically, trying to process what it means. 

He sees you staring. His hand reaches up to his cheek, and he must realize it--

Because then he yanks his cowl up and turns sideways, leaning against the door frame in a nonchalant way that now seems painfully practiced.

He says nothing for a moment. Your heart thuds the entire time.

When he speaks, his voice is quiet and--you could swear--shy. Awkward. Like he doesn’t want to bring it up. It’s a strange reversal--normally you’re the one who’s left quietly murmuring. 

“You need… lady things?”

Oh, this must be how you die. 

It won’t be from breaking your neck on the stairs or from Feitan getting bored of you and slashing your throat. It will be from sitting on a towel-strewn bed in front of your secretly blushing captor as he asks you what type of feminine hygiene products you need. 

You must not answer fast enough, because he jerks his head towards you. 

“Well?” 

He looks just as uncomfortable as you feel--it almost makes you feel slightly better. At least he’s not lording it over you. He’s never passed up a chance to make you feel degraded, but even this must be too much for him.

It gives you the push you need to speak, although your voice practically chokes on the words.

“Um. I need. Some pads? Over--overnight ones, because I tend to bleed a lot--” Your eyes shut for a fraction longer than normal, why did you tell him that, for fuck’s sake. “And--” Your voice cracks. “And maybe… if it’s not too much trouble, a heating pad?”

He shifts his position against the door frame. You wonder if he’s making a mental list. The thought of Feitan waltzing into some supermarket with a paper list that says “overnight pads” is too ludicrous to consider for long.

‘”Heating pad? What for?”

The sound you make can only be described as a short, painful keening groan. It’s not the cramps that hurt--it’s the humiliation. 

“For cramps,” you say quickly. “Mine get really bad. They were um, pretty bad today, but--”

“Idiot.” Ah, there’s the Feitan you recognize. “Why not say something?”

The towel underneath your fingers isn’t very soft, but you scrunch the fabric up underneath them anyway. “I didn’t want... I mean… I thought that…” 

And then that soft pressure behind your eyes builds from frustration, from the embarrassment, from the fact that you’re being held captive and on top of the many awful things you’ve experienced over the past however-many-months, you’re now having a discussion about your intimate period with someone who seems to delight in tormenting you.

The first sniffle is easily hidden. But not the second, or the third. And by the time your lower jaw is quivering and the tears are spilling down your cheeks, you can only lean forward and cry pathetically into your hands.

You hate this. You hate being here. You hate your period, you hate Feitan, you hate the fact that you can’t just go into the bathroom and slap a pad on your underwear. You hate this bed and these towels and the clothes you’re wearing. You hate everything.

“Fine.”

His clipped, sudden word doesn’t make you stop crying. But it does give you a pause, and you swallow down against your tight throat and look at him through sniffling tears. “Huh?”

“I get you heating pad.” He flicks his hand at you, like he’s shooing away an annoying pet dog. “Go to bed. You need more sleep now.” 

You do stop crying then, if only because your brain isn’t sure how else to react. Your mouth hangs open a little as you curl up on the bed--a nap would be nice--and grab an extra pillow to shove against your stomach. 

Feitan, for his part, snorts and leaves your doorway. You expect him to go into the basement, but instead you hear him putting on his boots, grabbing things from the foyer. He’s going out? Now?

All the while, he’s mumbling to himself. You only catch a few of the words--women, hormones among them--before he leaves. The door’s lock seems louder than ever and you clutch the pillow harder. 

Later, you’re yanked out of a fuzzy dream when something both soft and hard lands with a thunk against your head, and your bedroom light is flicked on.

It takes you a few moments to get your bearings.

There’s something draped against you. You blink and hold it up. It’s a heating pad, the plug-in kind with a remote control and everything. 

Feitan is standing in your doorway, holding a large sack. 

When he sees that you’re at least vaguely awake and aware, he turns it over and dumps the contents on the floor. It’s about 20 boxes of overnight pads--a few different brands. He must have stolen half the shelf. 

He regards you with a pleased expression that’s only half-hidden by his cowl. But you’d know his expression of self-serving pride at a job well done anywhere; you’ve seen it enough times when he’s tortured information out of someone. 

“Well? This enough for the month?”

The choked sound that comes out of your throat might have had a laugh in it somewhere, but you hope he doesn’t hear it. You get the sense that laughing about this would actually bother him more than anything you’ve done lately.

So instead you nod, slowly, and unfold the heating pad so that you can plug it in somewhere. Since you’ll probably be up for a while, it would be okay to ease your cramps a bit before morning. 

But when you look up… Feitan is still there, standing in the doorway.

He looks expectant, like you’ve forgotten something you’re supposed to do, but what--

Oh.

“Thank you, Feitan,” you murmur, swallowing hard, staring down at your lap as the sleep-induced grogginess begins to fade away from your brain.  

He hums, then looks down at the pile of boxes he dumped on the floor. 

“Put these away. Don’t want you tripping on them. Clumsy.” 

For once, you don’t mind the insult. 

It’s better to be back on familiar territory. 

#yandere hunter x hunter #yandere feitan #yandere feitan porter #yandere #afterwitch writes

[damianwaynerocks]

the funniest thing about the batfamily is that they're so smart but they all have zero introspection skills.

the batfamily is smart. so smart. and they deal with the mentally ill population all the time. and most of the time they treat them good! they help them!

i find it absolutely impossible that bruce isn't educated on psychology. there's no way he isn't. no way he hasn't studied psychology, whether it was to understand the joker or any other villains, whether it was to learn how to instill fear, practice for going undercover, hostage negotiation, how to tell the difference between mental health issues and just violent criminals (because he wouldn't know which ones he could talk sense into without understanding why they were doing it), whether it was to learn better methods of interrogation, or even just an interest in how the brain works.

and i guarantee most of the other batkids are too. bruce had to have taught them that so they could learn how to go undercover or how to tell whenever violence is necessary or if you can just talk them down.

dick has a law degree, which means he had to do undergrad. i think it's insane to think that he wouldn't have taken a psychology class. he also was able to understand damian and how to handle him, and he wouldn't be able to do that if he wasn't aware of how his upbringing would've shaped his neural pathways.

tim has a genius level iq. no way he doesn't understand how the brain works. also, he was able to tell that bruce was in a terrible mental state just by observing him as batman, where bruce does everything in his power to hide his emotions. he's also, several times, shown to be one of the only if the not the only batfamily member to understand why jason acts the way he does.

damian likely isn't terribly empathetic to mental health issues. probably a little more now, but not very. but like. he might not be empathetic to it but there's no way he doesn't understand how it works. how the frontal lobe works. how the amygdala works. how to manipulate someone.

stephanie was in college, and just like i said with dick, i find it hard to believe she wouldn't have taken a psychology class.

cass is cass. enough said.

also!! they all have a pretty good relationship with leslia thompkins!! a psychologist!!

all this to say: how on God's green earth do none of them realize they need therapy.

and like i get why. bruce has suppressed his emotions so much that he genuinely think he's fine. dick is too focused on being a support for everyone to worry about himself. jason and stephanie push it all down. cass, and this is not a diss because i love her, would realistically be very emotionally stunted. damian wasn't raised to be empathetic to the mentally ill and even if he was, he's 15. his frontal lobe is so not developed. plus the trauma they've all endured? the training they've had from bruce, who probably wasn't that concerned about teaching them self care and most definitely taught them to put their emotions aside. so like i get it. but also.

they know all this stuff and??? don't for a single second (except for tim that one time) be like "hmmm i could benefit from CBT and EMDR"

except duke.

how is duke the only one who's like "yeah. you guys aren't okay." duke knows. he tries to reason with them and has several times been like "you guys are crazy. why are you chill with this."

which is all to say. i'm convinced that at some point duke is going to try to sit them all down and be like "you guys need therapy. please go to therapy. I'm begging you."

#i know that the whole “duke is the voice of reason” is kinda more fanon than anything bc he has to be crazy too to be a vigilante #but im convinced he's self aware of it #and is like wow #you guys are #so traumatized #batfamily #batfam #dick grayson #nightwing #damian wayne #robin #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin