#faith reflection

[existentialcatholic]

On Hiding

[Image description: A hymnal is opened to the Tom Kendzia hymn "Endless Is Your Love." End ID]

"Where shall I go from your Spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven, you are there! If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! If I take the wings of the morning and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me. If I say, 'Surely the darkness shall cover me, and the light about me be night,' even the darkness is not dark to you; the night is bright as the day, for darkness is as light with you." Psalm 139:7-12 https://my.bible.com/bible/59/PSA.139.7-12

This week, I have wanted to run from the Almighty. And this week, I have sought Him all the more.

In faith, attempting to hide hinders us more than it hinders the One we are trying to hide from. He already knows every inch of us and the deepest corners of our souls. Recognizing and acknowledging our wounds and vices is a necessary part of healing. That process of recognition is often an extremely difficult first step. All too frequently, we don't want to recognize those wounds. If we don't acknowledge them, maybe they'll go away, we think.

But in the end, trying to hide ourselves from Him only hurts us because it keeps us from experiencing His transforming love. Every time I have gone to Confession with a sin that was weighing me down and confessed it, I have walked out of the confessional with a lighter heart and a greater sense of hope. My hope that He wanted to help me become more loving and more virtuous has been renewed, every time.

This week, some experiences came to light that shook my confidence in my faith. I wanted to draw back from my faith practices and stop practicing them, not to turn to Catholicism or any other religion. Instead of drawing back, something propelled me forward. I woke up early, got ready for my day, and without thinking, drove to daily Mass. I have not been to daily Mass regularly since the beginning of 2020, and here I was, attending it again despite my desire not to do so. Although I wanted to hide, I knew there was no point. There is no hiding from His love. And the sooner I stopped hiding, the sooner I could experience it.

At Mass this morning, the cantor played and sang the hymn "Endless Is Your Love" during Communion. Ever since my return to the Church, the first verse has echoed in my mind in moments of trial: "Surely there's a place / Even you don't know. / If I climb there, if I fly there, can I hide from you?" There is nowhere we can hide from the Almighty's love. He loves all of us, fully, and wants to welcome us to rest, healing, and conversion in His love.

-- Esther

#catholic theology #faith reflection #catholic #catholicism #catholic woman #catholic women #faith stuff #faith #christianity #existentialcatholic

[watchigtbj]

Wiseman John Chi Responds to Allegations in the BBC Fabricated Documentary on Prophet TB Joshua and SCOAN

View On WordPress

#Allegations Response #apostle #BBC Documentary #Christian beliefs #Divine Guidance #Emmanuel TV #faith reflection #Featured #Legacy Defense #misinformation #Prophet TB Joshua #religious discourse #spiritual impact #Spiritual Journey #synagogue church #The SCOAN #Wiseman John Chi #YouTube video

[reluctantfandomsideblog]

The Miracle of Harrier the Innocence.

This idea is so vague in my head. But someone puts the city in a dire situation and these idiots get into it. Something something something. And then, just as the showdown begins, they can SEE the skills. They can HEAR the low murmurs. Harry isn’t look at anyone but seeing through them. He has what he needs to diffuse the situation, he has the guidance of himself broken into 24 pieces. Kim and Jean become the first witnesses.

Etc, etc, etc. Harry is a terrible looking candidate for Innocence so the Founding Party tries to ignore him. So he becomes the first Innocence elected by the people who force the Founding Party’s hand.

IDK idk I wish I knew how to write!

#de #disco elysium #disco elysium fanart #harry du bois #harrier du bois #harry dubois #kim kitsuragi #jean vicquemare #Harrier the Innocence #turning this idea around in my mind until it’s as smooth as a marble #maybe the people have no faith in the founding party #because the last innocence resigned #and Harry being elected by the people kinda reflects the communist ideas?? #people reclaiming stuff idk idk

[wolves-in-the-world]

the thing about eliot spencer as a character, right. the thing about him.

(and as always your mileage may vary on my analyses so if we disagree that's cool actually)

is that he is in fact a somewhat emotionally constipated idiot who is occasionally sensitive about his perceived masculinity and gets defensive about emotional intimacy around other men (largely hardison, who's much more comfortable expressing affection and embracing a softer kind of masculinity), but eliot displays enough emotional awareness and sensitivity and respect for women etc etc that anyone who's been subjected to that era of television will put on rose-tinted glasses without even looking twice.

(and he is, don't get me wrong, incredibly emotionally aware for a professionally punchy guy with enough trauma to sink the titanic. it still startles me to see.)

on top of which we have the layers and the accessories and the excellent hair with the secret braids and the way he barely has an ego and he's good with kids and protective of his team without taking it too far, and some of us never stood a fucking chance.

#eliot #eliot spencer #orig #further discussion in further tags #I'm being perhaps a little critical and there are other ways to read eg the fragile masculinity moments #but I Do think they were intended this way and largely come across this way #I'm quite happy playing with a fanon eliot who's better at this shit is the thing? it feels faithful enough to the original. #but this is something I'm chewing over in a rewatch and it's interesting so far #the fact that he pretty consistently respects women doesn't stop him from treating men and women differently y'know? #the fact that his bantering with hardison expresses affection and gets quite soft over time #doesn't stop him from pushing hardison away on a semi-regular basis. often physically. #the fact that the fandom unanimously decided he's an utter gentleman in matters of dating #doesn't quite negate the time he physically stopped aimee from getting away when he wanted to talk to her #though that's one I might disregard because it's so early and I think they hadn't quite figured out the characters then #and it was admittedly a brief moment followed by very consensual happenings #perhaps. honestly. eliot may be reflecting the attitudes of the show here. #which were very progressive for the time and are still startling on several fronts now but also showing definite signs of age #arguably fanon eliot (as I understand him) is eliot adjusted for inflation. as it were. #there's a lot going on here I'm having a normal amount of thoughts about it I'm. stopping now

[hussyknee]

I'm really not a villain enjoyer. I love anti-heroes and anti-villains. But I can't see fictional evil separate from real evil. As in not that enjoying dark fiction means you condone it, but that all fiction holds up some kind of mirror to the world as it is. Killing innocent people doesn't make you an iconic lesbian girlboss it just makes you part of the mundane and stultifying black rot of the universe.

"But characters struggling with honour and goodness and the egoism of being good are so boring." Cool well some of us actually struggle with that stuff on the daily because being a good person is complicated and harder than being an edgelord.

Sure you can use fiction to explore the darkness of human nature and learn empathy, but the world doesn't actually suffer from a deficit of empathy for powerful and privileged people who do heinous stuff. You could literally kill a thousand babies in broad daylight and they'll find a way to blame your childhood trauma for it as long as you're white, cisgender, abled and attractive, and you'll be their poor little meow meow by the end of the week. Don't act like you're advocating for Quasimodo when you're just making Elon Musk hot, smart and gay.

#this is one of the reasons why #although i would kill antis in real life if i could #i also don't trust anyone who identifies as 'pro-ship' #it's just an excuse to shut down legitimate ethical questions and engaging in honest self-reflective media consumption and critique #art doesn't exist in a vacuum #it's a flat impossibility for it not to inform nor be informed by real world politics and attitudes #because that's what it means to be created by human hands #we can't even make machine learning thats not just human bias fed into an algorithm #if the way we interact with art truly didn't influence anything then there would be no value in it #just because antis have weaponized those points in the most bad faith ways possible #doesn't mean you can ignore them in good faith #anyway fandom stans villains because society loves to defend and protect abusers #it's not because you get the chance to be free and empathetic and indulge in your darkness and what not #it's just people's normal levels of attachment to shitty people with an added layer of justification for it #this blog is for boring do-gooder enjoyers only #lol #knee of huss #fandom wank #media critique #pop culture #fandom discourse

[shu-bullshit]

WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK INTO THE MIRROR?

I have to leave this song here, not my favorite but the lyrics are just too fitting.

#This is my faith bi flag #I just have this belief that the mirror man is a reflection of John's dark side; which was completely brought out with drug later #anyways I just like to show him like this; not in a way like he's psycho but like he's just dealing with these thoughts like everybody else #I'm always too lazy to draw anyone besides that one character then I just go what about I just draw two of them. as usual. #my art #faith game #faith the unholy trinity #john ward #faith john ward

[rookisaknight]

Lrb relevant something about the way each brother is constantly reiterating their trauma in an attempt to subdue it.

Jacob, most direct and long-term recipient of their father's abuse, surrounds himself with people he's conditioned to become violent at the drop of a hat.

But its ok, because he controls the trigger this time.

Joseph, left abandoned by the splitting of their family, creates conditions for his new Family that are so untenable it's only a matter of time before any given member tries to leave him.

But it's ok, because being forced to constantly negotiate, gaslight, and threaten people into sticking with him makes him feel like he has power over his isolation this time.

John reliving his childhood torture every goddamn day, carving himself up when he can't carve up others and having his fear of damnation dangled over his head by his brother god. Constantly repenting, constantly atoning, never forgiven.

But it's ok, because he holds the knife this time. When you hold the knife, you get to say when it stops, and you get to extract sin from others rather than have it extracted from you.

#i thought about a faith addition to this post but honestly #faith distances herself so hard from her past self she functionally pretends she never existed #its a very testimony approach to trauma #obviously very hollow #but it means shes not really seeking reflections of herself #shes afraid of a mirror more than anything #far cry 5 #fc5 #joseph seed #john seed #jacob seed

[kittiesandkillers]

Canonically, Kylar would die first in a horror movie. We were given three different scenarios, 1. The Ivory Wraith is the killer, 2. Black Wolf is the killer, and 3. The night monster is the killer, and Kylar dies first every time. It's especially funny that Kylar would die first knowing that they have the most diverse arsenal of weapons. Pepper spray, sleeping darts, a knife, ect. But despite the weapons, their main tactic is to run and hide, so they'd die first. Eden survives everyone accept the Ivory Wraith because guns don't work on them. Also, Sydney survives?? Guess Syd really is the final girl.

#dol #dol sydney #sydney the faithful #sydney the fallen #dol kylar #degrees of lewdity kylar #kylar the loner #degrees of lewdity #dol eden #degrees of lewdity eden #eden the hunter #dol ivory wraith #dol black wolf #black wolf the alpha #ivory wraith the reflection

[spooky-dice]

btw everything going on with kristen and cassandra is good and in-character you just don’t know her like i do lol

#like this is literally just what religious trauma + avoidant behaviour is like #you NEED to believe in something but you can’t have enough faith in it that it can carry you #gods in spyre are reflections of their believer and kristen is clingy and distant and insecure and frustrating and full of self loathing #it’s a feedback loop and kristen isn’t equipped to handle that (yet) #cassandra is basically fhsy kristen and jy kristen wants to be someone new. do you get it. the vulnerable parts of herself she’s dodging #fhjy spoilers #dimension 20 #kristen applebees

[rainbowsky]

In reference to this post I was tagged in by @jadedbirch, regarding political discussions about War of Faith.

This is ground I've already covered years ago, so I'll link to those posts. Ultimately everyone gets to decide to what degree they want to confront the politics of a situation, but they definitely don't get to dictate how others approach such things, or to shame them or make it seem disloyal, culturally inappropriate or wrong to critique the politics inherent in what is an intentionally propagandistic drama.

A fairly comprehensive post about politics in fandom where I break down all the ways in which trying to shut down political discussions in fandom is not OK.

A fairly comprehensive discussion about false equivalence when comparing the political climate of China vs the West.

I have a lot of other posts about these topics, many of which can be found under my sociopolitical analysis tag. If anyone has specific questions about these topics feel free to add them in the notes, or message me or send in an ask and I'll address them when I get a chance.

A post about how I reconcile myself politically as a fan of GGDD.

I also recommend reading Pie's post about these types of issues because it is incredibly detailed and gives a very clear picture of the stakes of propaganda in China.

No one has any rationale for bitching about my coverage of these kinds of topics, since I tag everything. People who want to avoid these topics can simply filter, "your poltical disengagement is a weapon against you."

#your political disengagement is a weapon against you #war of faith #brotherhood and stuff #fandom reflections

[clambuoyance]

All he needs is one last chance to prove he’s good enough for someone

anyways stream good kid from the lighting thief musical it reminds me of Kon ☹️ esp the part about moving homes and schools so much and wanting someone to have faith in you and just give u a chance

#WARREGHHHHHHHHHHHH #said this on twt but I was like #what if the reason kon is so willing to help and believe in the good of his antagonist or believe that they can change is bc #he is just reflecting the same faith in others he hopes ppl will have in him #and ofc this is not what johns intended but it’s the hc I am adding for reasons as to why #kon was desperate to find out if lex had good in him #bc one it’s just in his nature to do so #and two bc he thinks it’ll have an impact on his own worth and it shakes up his faith in himself #URGH THERES MORE TO THIS I WANT TO SAY BANGS A POT ON MY HEAD VIOLENTLY #clam draws #dc clamics #kon el #KONTENT

[evendumbo]

Just noting a small bit of lovely foreshadowing here.

#apropos of nothing really #just reflecting on the writers strike #Ted Lasso isn't perfect but it's the opposite of “lazy writing” #yes to good faith critique #no to lazy critique and taking writers for granted #so much tv writing has been remarkable for the last 20 years #i'm deeply grateful for their work #solidarity with WGA #so i guess apropos of economic justice lol #this post about a very small foreshadow really took a turn here in the tags 😂 #ted lasso #keeley jones #jamie tartt

[peace-and-provision]

Maturing is realizing that you already have everything you could even want/need in Jesus Christ ❤️

#inspiration #life quotes #christian blog #god #jesus #god's word #christian faith #maturity #maturing #spiritual journey #spiritual #spirituality #revelation #reflection

[ah-bright-wings]

Sound - A Triduum Story

Malchus can feel the heavy gazes of the others. He ignores them. His own eyes are pinned to the door they guard, listening to the drip of water condensing and dropping onto the floor. There is no rain, but the air is damp, as if the heavens are drawing out the wet stores of the earth in preparation for a storm. 

Customarily, the chill would make him wish for his bed. He’d grumble with his fellows about the weather, about the work, peppering complaints with a few stout curses. But there is no discussion tonight. Malchus sits hunched forward, forearms braced on his thighs, and he waits.

What are they waiting for?

Cold fingers touch the lobe of his left ear. He turns to see Jesse, who’d touched him, withdrawing, fingers curling into his palm. The apology is gruff. “Just wanted to see.”

That’s a lie, thinks Malchus, turning back to the door. They’ve already seen tonight. What’s left is to believe.

Malchus doesn’t ask permission before he rises, taking the flask which hangs on a wall hook, and the keys there beside it. The eyes of the others follow. He unlocks the door and slips in, shutting it behind, and then pauses, palm flat on the wood. He takes a breath. 

Drip.

Drip.

The Nazarene’s hands are chained so that he must stand. His head bows, forehead resting against the bruised back of his right hand. He lifts himself when Malchus enters. His lips, which had been moving silently, still.

Malchus holds out the flask. Then, as an embarrassing afterthought—the man is in chains—he uncorks it. 

“It’s just water,” he assures when the man doesn’t move to drink. He tips the flask close enough to meet the cracked lips. The Nazarene swallows twice and then pulls back, chains jingling. His face is wet. Tears, Malchus thinks, until he hears the drip of water dropping onto the man’s head. It slides down his temple and dirty cheek, carving a clean track through the crust. Malchus re-corks the flask.

It’s not quite fear that he feels. He had felt fear on his knees in Gethsemane, blood down his neck and a howl on his tongue. The world was silent, then, and shrieking, dizzy with pain and the terror of new loss. When strong hands cupped his face, he clung to them. He grabbed hold of words he could not hear but lips he could see moving, breath he could feel on his face, brown eyes he could see.

And then, he could hear. 

It was as if he’d never before heard sound, not true sound, but only echos, half-formed, half-heard, until that very moment when he heard truly. Each noise was crisp and new. Around him were the night birds stirring in the trees, the puffed breath of the disciples, the crackle of licking flame, the creak of leather belts. He heard them all, and he hasn’t stopped hearing since. Creation is vibrating, uncountable voices overlapping in the same tremulous song. Even the breeze seems to have a voice, and the water running on stone. Even his own heartbeat. They cry out when the rest of the world is silent.

“What did you do to me?” Malchus asks, voice barely above a whisper, for everything is new and he cannot make sense of it. 

The Nazarene’s smile isn’t mocking. It’s as quiet as his voice, and it crinkles the corner of his good eye. “I know how long you’ve waited to hear.”

They’ve never met, of course. Of course not. This man doesn’t know him. How could he? Malchus has taken great pains to hide his gradual loss of sound. Each year, the muffle covers his ears a little more, stealing his senses, deadening the world to him. If he misses a call, he plays it off. If he cannot hear his wife calling, he feigns captivation by his task. He does it well, he thinks, well enough. Perhaps his wife suspects. But only he knows, only he and his God. And this backwater Nazarene with an accent pulled from Galilee’s fishing waters—because Malchus can hear the accent now—cannot know Malchus. How could he? No, he does not.

But he knows. 

Malchus is sure, standing before this man who made him more than whole, that he is known. Known, and known truly. And here stands Malchus, his jailer. His enemy.

“How could you know?” he asks, eyes searching the Nazarene’s. The water drips, drips. A rat scritches at a bit of stone. “I can’t do anything for your case. They’re bringing you to Pilate.” His grip tightens on the flask—his only offering—and the stale water it holds. The words pour out of him. “I’m a guard. They told us to go, so we went. I had no stake in it, see? See, we were told to go. I was told to go. I never intended—��

“Malchus,” the man says softly, almost fondly, as if he is interrupting a brother and not one walking him to his death. “Will you pray with me?”

The request startles Malchus out of his own thoughts. He pauses, wary of some trick. Without meaning to, his hand rises to touch the warm outer shell of his ear, tracing the connecting point between the cartilage and his skull. There’s not even a seam to show where it had been severed.

Mouth dry, Malchus finally nods, and the Nazarene closes his good eye. The water slides again down his temples. His words fill the damp space, and Malchus recognizes them at once, joining the recitation:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,

and naked shall I return.

The Lord gave—”

The man breathes in, and Malchus breathes with him.

“—and the Lord has taken away;”

Their breath stirs the stale air of the room. All has finally gone quiet. The Nazarene opens his eye and tips his head to look up, past the stone roof, past the courtyard and the trembling earth, to the heavens, spread out over them like a tent. The water no longer falls. The rat is silent. 

“Blessed be the name of the Lord,” he says.

#not art #triduum #writing #holy week reflection #I think a lot about Jesus in the cell on Holy Thursday night #He had been abandoned and beaten and betrayed #so every year on Holy Thursday I imagine sitting with him in that cell and praying with him #But last year I was in a rough place and felt trapped in my own failings and habitual sin #and as I was sitting in the pew and feeling so pathetic and weak and like I had let Jesus down #I heard him tell me “Tonight I'll come sit in your own cell with you.” #so if any of you are feeling trapped this year or like you've failed at your faith #Just know that Jesus will come sit in your cell with you no matter what it is #He'll just sit with you and quietly love you #also I feel like Jesus was thinking of all people suffering from insomnia when he was in that cell. they must have been on his heart

[alorhna]

fun fact! Ivory Wraith says, "You are wedded to calamity" only if you've gone through the rite of promise with Sydney

Wait for real?! :0

That’s actually super interesting. Especially since if you consider the opposite outcome (rite of defilement) ends in Sydney becoming possessed (possibly by ivory themselves) in the prayer room 🤔

It’s also weird how the two of them have the same phrase..

“Together as one”. “Forever as one”

Does that mean ivory has connection to Sydney…?

#dol #alorhna the songbird #oc #sydney the faithful #sydney the fallen #ivory wraith #ivory wraith the forlorn #ivory wraith the reflection #degrees of lewdity ivory wraith #degrees of lewdity sydney #dol love interest #dol wraith

[3-aem]

the words that come out of your mouth affect others but it also affects you. being rude and mean isn’t a flex, it isn’t cool and sassy, its just unpleasant. and overtime you will feel it in yourself as well.

#like im being so real you attract the energy you put out #the nastier you are the nastier people you find urself around #when ppl make bad faith judgements on those around them i now take it as a reflection of who they are themselves