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ghostlygraphist · 9 months

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ai generated mushroom guides could get people killed

'i'm not going to link any of them here, for a variety of reasons, but please be aware of what is probably the deadliest AI scam i've ever heard of: plant and fungi foraging guide books. the authors are invented, their credentials are invented, and their species IDs will kill you"

"update: i keep getting annoyed that the QTs are like "if this is true, it's horrifying" ..but you're right, you don't know me from a hole in the ground and you SHOULD worry about the veracity of anything you find online."

thread source

so i went looking

the full description:

How to quickly become a confident mushroom forager without fear of misidentifying poisonous lookalikes!

Have you dreamt about becoming more self-sufficient and sourcing your own fresh, local ingredients?

Do you want to start sustainably foraging so you can become healthier and happier?

Have you thought about harvesting wild mushrooms but afraid you won’t be able to tell the edible and poisonous species apart?

Then this book is for you!

Save money and enjoy the delicacies that nature has to offer. Mushroom hunting is easier than you think, and less dangerous than everyone assumes.

Wild plant foraging is increasing in popularity with celebrity chefs and small cafes jumping on the bandwagon and using locally foraged produce in their food.

There are so many benefits of foraging to your health (physical and mental) and even the environment!

In Fearless Foraging in the Rocky Mountains, you’ll discover:

Over 40 species of mushroom you can harvest all year round

Complimentary access to the mobile-friendly Digital Field Guide that includes high-resolution photos and descriptions of all edible mushrooms and any toxic lookalikes so you don’t have to worry about misidentifying species

How to correctly create (and use) spore prints to help you figure out what’s what

An annual mushroom calendar so you can keep track of the mushrooms by season and make the most of each foraging season

Detailed descriptions of the anatomical properties of fungi - gain the essential knowledge you need to correctly identify species

Tips on sustainable foraging - and ways to increase the natural mushroom count for next time you visit!

And much more!

Foraging is a tradition upheld for centuries by indigenous people who used ancient, respectful principles to live off the land. Connect with that history by embracing the artful skills and knowledge to confidently collect food for your meals.

Even if you're still worried about toxic mushrooms, let this guide reassure you. Included are incredibly high-level descriptions and details to use so you don’t get it wrong. NOTE: To keep it economically prices, our paperback version is printed in black and white. Premium color is available in our hardcover version. Both will provide the quality necessary to identify wild mushrooms and plants and both come with access to the full color, high-resolution Digital Field Guide.

If you want to learn the skillful art of foraging mushrooms and enjoy nature's nutritious bounties then scroll up and click the “Add to Cart” button now.

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wild harvest publications... no named author? i n t e r e s t i n g

"To keep it economically prices" hmm *the design is very human meme*

this book that promises highly detailed descriptions doesn't even have color images unless you pay a premium

"Mushroom hunting is easier than you think, and less dangerous than everyone assumes." hmm. hmmmmm. yeah the government definitely put out those 'if you don't know what it is don't put it in your mouth' PSAs for no reason

tldr don't buy foraging guides off amazon if you can't locate a human author and verify their credentials yourself

#mushrooms #fungi #fungus #ai #amazon #foraging #we live in the worst timeline #incorrect foraging guides is like something a hostile government would distribute to kill dissidents about to go into hiding in the woods #but no its idiots who want to make money #mushroom identification #mushrooming

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mostlysignssomeportents · 1 year

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This is your brain on fraud apologetics

In 1998, two Stanford students published a paper in Computer Networks entitled “The Anatomy of a Large-Scale Hypertextual Web Search Engine,” in which they wrote, “Advertising funded search engines will be inherently biased towards the advertisers and away from the needs of consumers.”

https://research.google/pubs/pub334/

If you’d like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here’s a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/24/passive-income/#swiss-cheese-security

The co-authors were Lawrence Page and Sergey Brin, and the “large-scale hypertextual web search-engine” they were describing was their new project, which they called “Google.” They were 100% correct — prescient, even!

On Wednesday night, a friend came over to watch some TV with us. We ordered out. We got scammed. We searched for a great local Thai place we like called Kiin and clicked a sponsored link for a Wix site called “Kiinthaila.com.” We should have clicked the third link down (kiinthaiburbank.com).

We got scammed. The Wix site was a lookalike for Kiin Thai, which marked up their prices by 15% and relayed the order to our local, mom-and-pop, one-branch restaurant. The restaurant knew it, too — they called us and told us they were canceling the order, and said we could still come get our food, but we’d have to call Amex to reverse the charge.

As it turned out, the scammers double-billed us for our order. I called Amex, who advised us to call back in a couple days when the charge posted to cancel it — in other words, they were treating it as a regular customer dispute, and not a systemic, widespread fraud (there’s no way this scammer is just doing this for one restaurant).

In the grand scheme of things, this is a minor hassle, but boy, it’s haunting to watch the quarter-century old prophecy of Brin and Page coming true. Search Google for carpenters, plumbers, gas-stations, locksmiths, concert tickets, entry visas, jobs at the US Post Office or (not making this up) tech support for Google products, and the top result will be a paid ad for a scam. Sometimes it’s several of the top ads.

This kind of “intermediation” business is actually revered in business-schools. As Douglas Rushkoff has written, the modern business wisdom reveres “going meta” — not doing anything useful, but rather, creating a chokepoint between people who do useful things and people who want to pay for those things, and squatting there, collecting rent:

https://rushkoff.medium.com/going-meta-d42c6a09225e

It’s the ultimate passive income/rise and grind side-hustle: It wouldn’t surprise me in the least to discover a whole festering nest of creeps on Tiktok talking about how they pay Mechanical Turks to produce these lookalike sites at scale.

This mindset is so pervasive that people running companies with billions in revenue and massive hoards of venture capital run exactly the same scam. During lockdown, companies like Doordash, Grubhub and Uber Eats stood up predatory lookalike websites for local restaurants, without their consent, and played monster-in-the-middle, tricking diners into ordering through them:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/19/we-are-beautiful/#man-in-the-middle

These delivery app companies were playing a classic enshittification game: first they directed surpluses to customers to lock them in (heavily discounting food), then they directed surplus to restaurants (preferential search results, free delivery, low commissions) — then, having locked in both consumers and producers, they harvested the surplus for themselves.

Today, delivery apps charge massive premiums to both eaters and restaurants, load up every order with junk fees, and clone the most successful restaurants out of ghost kitchens — shipping containers in parking lots crammed with low-waged workers cranking out orders for 15 different fake “virtual restaurants”:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/12/01/autophagic-buckeyes/#subsidized-autophagia

Delivery apps speedran the enshittification cycle, but Google took a slower path to get there. The company has locked in billions of users (e.g. by paying billions to be the default search on Safari and Firefox and using legal bullying to block third party Android device-makers from pre-installing browsers other than Chrome). For years, it’s been leveraging our lock-in to prey on small businesses, getting them to set up Google Business Profiles.

These profiles are supposed to help Google distinguish between real sellers and scammers. But Kiin Thai has a Google Business Profile, and searching for “kiin thai burbank” brings up a “Knowledge Panel” with the correct website address — on a page that is headed with a link to a scam website for the same business. Google, in other words, has everything it needs to flag lookalike sites and confirm them with their registered owners. It would cost Google money to do this — engineer-time to build and maintain the system, content moderator time to manually check flagged listings, and lost ad-revenue from scammers — but letting the scams flourish makes Google money, at the expense of Google users and Google business customers.

Now, Google has an answer for this: they tell merchants who are being impersonated by ad-buying scammers that all they need to do is outbid them for the top ad-spot. This is a common approach — Amazon has a $31b/year “ad business” that’s mostly its own platform sellers bidding against each other to show you fake results for your query. The first five screens of Amazon search results are 50% ads:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola

This is “going meta,” so naturally, Meta is doing it too: Facebook and Instagram have announced a $12/month “verification” badge that will let you report impersonation and tweak the algorithm to make it more likely that the posts you make are shown to the people who explicitly asked to see them:

https://www.vox.com/recode/2023/2/21/23609375/meta-verified-twitter-blue-checkmark-badge-instagram-facebook

The corollary of this, of course, is that if you don’t pay, they won’t police your impersonators, and they won’t show your posts to the people who asked to see them. This is pure enshittification — the surplus from users and business customers is harvested for the benefit of the platform owners:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

The idea that merchants should master the platforms as a means of keeping us safe from their impersonators is a hollow joke. For one thing, the rules change all the time, as the platforms endlessly twiddle the knobs that determine what gets shown to whom:

https://doctorow.medium.com/twiddler-1b5c9690cce6

And they refuse to tell anyone what the rules are, because if they told you what the rules were, you’d be able to bypass them. Content moderation is the only infosec domain where “security through obscurity” doesn’t get laughed out of the room:

https://doctorow.medium.com/como-is-infosec-307f87004563

Worse: the one thing the platforms do hunt down and exterminate with extreme prejudice is anything that users or business-customers use to twiddle back — add-ons and plugins and jailbreaks that override their poor choices with better ones:

https://www.theverge.com/2022/9/29/23378541/the-og-app-instagram-clone-pulled-from-app-store

As I was submitting complaints about the fake Kiin scam-site (and Amex’s handling of my fraud call) to the FTC, the California Attorney General, the Consumer Finance Protection Bureau and Wix, I wrote a little Twitter thread about what a gross scam this is:

https://twitter.com/doctorow/status/1628948906657878016

The thread got more than two million reads and got picked up by Hacker News and other sites. While most of the responses evinced solidarity and frustration and recounted similar incidents in other domains, a significant plurality of the replies were scam apologetics — messages from people who wanted to explain why this wasn’t a problem after all.

The most common of these was victim-blaming: “you should have used an adblocker” or “never click the sponsored link.” Of course, I do use an ad-blocker — but this order was placed with a mobile browser, after an absentminded query into the Google search-box permanently placed on the home screen, which opens results in Chrome (where I don’t have an ad-blocker, so I can see material behind an ad-blocker-blocker), not Firefox (which does have an ad-blocker).

Now, I also have a PiHole on my home LAN, which blocks most ads even in a default browser — but earlier this day, I’d been on a public wifi network that was erroneously blocking a website (the always excellent superpunch.net) so I’d turned my wifi off, which meant the connection came over my phone’s 5G connection, bypassing the PiHole:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/04/28/shut-yer-pi-hole/

“Don’t click a sponsored link” — well, the irony here is that if you habitually use a browser with an ad-blocker, and you backstop it with a PiHole, you never see sponsored links, so it’s easy to miss the tiny “Sponsored” notification beside the search result. That goes double if you’re relaxing with a dinner guest on the sofa and ordering dinner while chatting.

There’s a name for this kind of security failure: the Swiss Cheese Model. We all have multiple defenses (in my case: foreknowledge of Google’s ad-scam problem, an ad-blocker in my browser, LAN-wide ad sinkholing). We also have multiple vulnerabilities (in my case: forgetting I was on 5G, being distracted by conversation, using a mobile device with a permanent insecure search bar on the homescreen, and being so accustomed to ad-blocked results that I got out of the habit of checking whether a result was an ad).

If you think you aren’t vulnerable to scams, you’re wrong — and your confidence in your invulnerability actually increases your risk. This isn’t the first time I’ve been scammed, and it won’t be the last — and every time, it’s been a Swiss Cheese failure, where all the holes in all my defenses lined up for a brief instant and left me vulnerable:

https://locusmag.com/2010/05/cory-doctorow-persistence-pays-parasites/

Other apologetics: “just call the restaurant rather than using its website.” Look, I know the people who say this don’t think I have a time-machine I can use to travel back to the 1980s and retrieve a Yellow Pages, but it’s hard not to snark at them, just the same. Scammers don’t just set up fake websites for your local businesses — they staff them with fake call-centers, too. The same search that takes you to a fake website will also take you to a fake phone number.

Finally, there’s “What do you expect Google to do? They can’t possibly detect this kind of scam.” But they can. Indeed, they are better situated to discover these scams than anyone else, because they have their business profiles, with verified contact information for the merchants being impersonated. When they get an ad that seems to be for the same business but to a different website, they could interrupt the ad process to confirm it with their verified contact info.

Instead, they choose to avoid the expense, and pocket the ad revenue. If a company promises to “to organize the world’s information and make it universally accessible and useful,” I think we have the right to demand these kinds of basic countermeasures:

https://www.google.com/search/howsearchworks/our-approach/

The same goes for Amex: when a merchant is scamming customers, they shouldn’t treat complaints as “chargebacks” — they should treat them as reports of a crime in progress. Amex has the bird’s eye view of their transaction flow and when a customer reports a scam, they can backtrack it to see if the same scammer is doing this with other merchants — but the credit card companies make money by not chasing down fraud:

https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/rosalindadams/mastercard-visa-fraud

Wix also has platform-scale analytics that they could use to detect and interdict this kind of fraud — when a scammer creates a hundred lookalike websites for restaurants and uses Wix’s merchant services to process payments for them, that could trigger human review — but it didn’t.

Where do all of these apologetics come from? Why are people so eager to leap to the defense of scammers and their adtech and fintech enablers? Why is there such an impulse to victim-blame?

I think it’s fear: in their hearts, people — especially techies — know that they, too, are vulnerable to these ripoffs, but they don’t want to admit it. They want to convince themselves that the person who got scammed made an easily avoidable mistake, and that they themselves will never make a similar mistake.

This is doubly true for readerships on tech-heavy forums like Twitter or (especially) Hacker News. These readers know just how many vulnerabilities there are — how many holes are in their Swiss cheese — and they are also overexposed to rise-and-grind/passive income rhetoric.

This produces a powerful cognitive dissonance: “If all the ‘entrepreneurs’ I worship are just laying traps for the unwary, and if I am sometimes unwary, then I’m cheering on the authors of my future enduring misery.” The only way to resolve this dissonance — short of re-evaluating your view of platform capitalism or questioning your own immunity to scams — is to blame the victim.

The median Hacker News reader has to somehow resolve the tension between “just install an adblocker” and “Chrome’s extension sandbox is a dumpster fire and it’s basically impossible to know whether any add-on you install can steal every keystroke and all your other data”:

https://mattfrisbie.substack.com/p/spy-chrome-extension

In my Twitter thread, I called this “the worst of all possible timelines.” Everything we do is mediated by gigantic, surveillant monopolists that spy on us comprehensively from asshole to appetite — but none of them, not a 20th century payment giant nor a 21st century search giant — can bestir itself to use that data to keep us safe from scams.

Next Thu (Mar 2) I'll be in Brussels for Antitrust, Regulation and the Political Economy, along with a who's-who of European and US trustbusters. It's livestreamed, and both in-person and virtual attendance are free:

https://www.brusselsconference.com/registration

On Fri (Mar 3), I'll be in Graz for the Elevate Festival:

https://elevate.at/diskurs/programm/event/e23doctorow/

[Image ID: A modified version of Hieronymus Bosch's painting 'The Conjurer,' which depicts a scam artist playing a shell-game for a group of gawking rubes. The image has been modified so that the scam artist's table has a Google logo and the pea he is triumphantly holding aloft bears the 'Sponsored' wordmark that appears alongside Google search results.]

#pluralistic #victim blaming #fraud #going meta #douglas rushkoff #ad-tech #local search #wix #amex #thai food #business #rent-seeking #entrepreneurship #passive income #chokepoint capitalism #platform lawyers

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goldenamaranthe-blog · 1 month

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Redeeming the First Man?: Vaggie & Adam

-KNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCKKNOCK!!!!!-

Vaggie: Alright! Alright! Fuck! Calm your tits! I'm coming. (Answers the door and face falls)

Sinner Adam: (grumbling and obviously pissed off but tries to play it off by being douchey and arrogant) Ha! Took me long enough, but I finally got you to cum, Vadgie!

Vaggie: ......Heh...

Sinner Adam: Huh?

Vaggie: Hehehe...

Sinner Adam: Don't you start!

Vaggie: (doubles over in laughter) HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! OH!!! OH, THIS IS RICH!!! OH, FUCK!!! I CANT- I CAN'T BREATHE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! THIS IS RICH!!! YOU!!! OF ALL PEOPLE!!! COMING TO THE HAZBIN HOTEL!!!

Sinner Adam: .......I guess I deserve that.

Vaggie: (leans against the doorway as she continues to howl with laughter) YOU- YOU- HAHAHAHA!!! You look like Guy Fieri and Limp Bizkit had a bastard lovechild with horns and that stupid mask!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!

Sinner Adam: Hey! Don't knock Limp Bizkit like that!

Vaggie: Sorry, Fat Ass. Hell's Kitchen is down the road. You might find it over by Flavor Town! Hahahaha!!!

Sinner Adam: (steaming)

Lucifer: Everything alright, Vaggie? (Sees Adam and immediately wheezes) HOLY FUCK!!!! I think you're in the wrong place, buddy! The Limp Bizkit lookalike contest is on the NORTH point of the Pentagram!

Vaggie: (high fives Lucifer)

Sinner Adam: Oh, you fuckers-!

Charlie: Guys, what's the hold up? Is there a sinner wanting to be redeemed at the door or not? If so, you shouldn't be laughing at them- (face falls)

Sinner Adam: THANK YOU!!! At least the little girlie understands!!!

Charlie: Pffffft!!! *snort* (turns to the inner hotel) Who ordered food to be delivered by Guy Fieri!?!?!?

Sinner Adam: Oh, FUCK ALL A Y'ALL!!!! I'VE GOTTEN MORE PUSSY THAN ANYONE IN THIS STUPID PLACE!!!

Lucifer: Pretty sure I stole both of your girls.

Sinner Adam: YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel incorrect quotes #charlie #vaggie #lucifer #adam #sinner adam #boy got some brass balls to be going to the hotel and expecting them to just act like nothing happened #why do i always make vaggie do that slow giggle to manic laughter?#lets give the douchebag a chance #i wish tumblr kept the yellow color

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imhenritz · 7 months

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Giving him the love he deserves (Sanji x Reader)

I have had this idea in my head for quite some time. I enjoyed writing it, but I don't know how to continue and if I would.

Reader is Mc or Main Character, but I made it sound like it's a name! I'm too lazy to think of a real name. Forgive me! Y/N didn't feel right somehow *sweats* Could this still be considered x reader? Oh god.

The prompt in my head goes like this: "The reader gets sucked into One Piece after wishing that someone would love Sanji like he is supposed to be loved, as nobody has given him a chance. She would love to give him that chance if only she could. One time, she was in her room, falling asleep while recording her voice for a cover request sent to her. When she woke up, she found herself in a boat floating, wearing pieces of jewelry fit for nobility. Her neck, ears, and bracelets were all glittering in the darkness." Story under the cut! Part 2 here!

She hated the dark. There were no lights to be seen, and her eyes adjusted to the darkness, recognizing she had been in a lifeboat. A medieval one; she knew this because of museums she had visited, always drawn to pirate ships, wondering how it would be then.

Everything was quiet, like she was completely alone and trapped. Shouting would be pointless at this point. Absent-mindedly, she started singing "Jolly Sailor Bold." It had been a few days; she was starving and weak. She caught herself and huffed, “If I die, I might as well go in style,” she continued.

She kept repeating it until she got tired and chose to lie down and look up at the stars. They were never this clear in her city.

When she woke up, it was with a man with a braided blonde mustache talking to a few more men. “Ah, the lass. Must be shipwrecked.”

“-Must be loaded…”

“Jewelries…”

She could barely catch their whispers. Groggy and weak, she looked up at the man. It must have been dawn. “Please help me.” Holding her throat, she felt the jewels that were like stones. “Take everything-” She wet her lips, trying to swallow the moisture in her mouth, which she didn’t think was there. “Jewel… Please.”

She lost the ability to talk but could feel a soft arm taking her in. The smell of aftershave and nicotine lulled her to sleep.

“I got you, Madame.”

She woke up to Sanji greeting her with food and saw her eat it without any grace, making him let out a chuckle, and she glared weakly, more embarrassed than mad. “I’m sorry; I lost count of how long I was in the sea.”

“Try 85 days.”

“What—85?” her eyes widened as he grinned. He gestured to the seat next to her bed, and she nodded. “I’m sorry. I think I was only there for a week—”

He shook his head. “It’s not about the days. It’s experiencing hunger. You gave up every bit of your jewelry, you know.”

She reached for her neck and huffed. “Those jewels meant nothing if you can’t eat or drink.”

“Damn right.”

Her eyes went to the door, where she recognized the man who saved her. She thought she was in a dream before, but it’s uncanny how both are real-life versions of Zeff, and now looking at the young blond man at her side—Sanji?

“You’re an aristocrat. I’m sure a few pieces won’t go missing,” the older man grumbled. He kicked the young blond’s head. “Give up the seat, little eggplant.”

Sanji lookalike grumbled but did mutter, “Old shit bag.”

She gasped, blinking, piecing things together. “Little eggplant…” she muttered in disbelief.

“I assure you it has nothing to do with—”

Zeff lookalike chuckled. “I assure you he is every single bit of a little eggplant,” he smirked and brushed his mustache down, making them bounce up, resisting the brush. “They call me Zeff. What’s your name, lass?”

“Mc, sir,” she bowed deeply. “I owe you my life, Sir Zeff. Please let me repay you somehow.”

“Another one on the bag,” he mumbled.

The blond man saw the chance and began, “My name is Sanji. You can call me whatever you—”

“—Your family must be looking for you. Where are you from?” Zeff watched as she gulped and looked away from him, mouth opening and closing with no words. “I can’t let you stay here and be seen as a kidnapper—”

“—Old man, what if she runs away? We have extra rooms—”

“No, no stuff on the boat. It’s shipwrecked. Can’t let the place close because of a stowaway—”

“NO!” she stopped him with a loud voice, causing both to stop. “I’m sorry. This might sound crazy, but I’m not from around here. I don’t think I am,” she gulped.

“Could you have amnesia?”

She sighed and shook her head. “Please don’t kill me, but I think I know who you are and where I am. Please let me finish.”

She gave them a recap of what she knew, and both men were quiet. She pulled on her IV, hissing at the pain. “I’m sorry. I will go now; I’m sure you won’t want anyone like me here, after knowing all of those. I think the jewels are real. Although I’m not sure if they are since I just woke up wearing them—”

“You are staying, lass.”

“I know. I’m sorry—let me.” She stood, but her legs didn’t work as they were supposed to, and she fell on her knees. Sanji was there to help her.

“I know I gave you 85 days as a hint. But damn, giving out the whole story. So you know me and everything?”

She nodded, and Zeff began to laugh. “Just when I thought I had seen all the world has to offer.”

“You’re just going to accept this, you old man?”

Zeff smirked, “Anyone could have lied better than that.” He looked at Mc and smiled. “I won’t have a freeloader here. You know what this place is, then.”

She nodded, “I can wash the dishes, clean the toilet—wait tables.”

“God no. I don’t need a woman in my kitchen or in the toilet. You’ll wait tables. You start tomorrow.”

Sanji stood, still supporting her. “She can’t even walk!” he protested.

Zeff was about to reply when she patted Sanji’s hand. “I’ll start tomorrow, sir Zeff. Thank you so much.”

"Just Zeff will do, lass"Zeff grumbled and began walking to the door, hearing Sanji sweet-talking her as she left. “Patty will help you with your clothes.”

Sanji paused and shouted, “Old man, Patty won’t know what fashion is if it knocks on his head!”

Zeff glared. “More than you.”

**===**

“I have to say, having the girl waiting on tables isn’t bad,” Patty said, seeing how everyone can actually work in the kitchen better now. She works fast, and all the cooks have to do is the labor of bringing out the heavy meals.

“She has a great smile, pleasing personality—”

“Charming!”

“A sight for sore eyes, you lot aren’t,” Patty chortled, laughing as he proceeded to cart in the finished meals. He smirked, seeing one certain sous chef who was grumbling under his breath as he was stirring a pot. He walked closer, pushing the cart to a designated dishwasher for the week. “Got to get a move on that soup.”

Sanji glared and hissed, “What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Never thought I’d see the day you would hate being in the kitchen,” Patty leaned forward from the preparation counter.

“Who hates being in the kitchen?” Zeff entered, making Patty straighten up and busy himself, but not before smirking with Carne. “The shit cook wants to wait tables, boss.”

Zeff rolled his eyes, “He is staying in the kitchen. Can’t afford to have him kick another customer out on a whim.”

Sanji took off the ladle he had been stirring and turned, “He was flirting with Mc!”

“And?” Zeff huffed, “You do the same with every woman who darkens the door, little eggplant.”

“Yeah!” Carne added, “She must have learned that from you! That woman charms women and men! Makes you look like an amateur!”

They laughed. “Someone’s getting a taste of their own medicine.”

“Ooooh, getting a taste of their medicine?” Mc walked in, heels clicking on the tiled floor, smiling. “Who is it this time?” She looked expectantly at everyone, who dispersed. “Hey!”

Sanji was about to float over to her when Zeff interrupted. “Lass, your notepad seems to be getting thinner.”

Mc looked down at her little notepad, with a grimace she apologized. “Sorry, Zeff, I just take so many notes. I would need a new one tomorrow.”

Zeff chuckled, “Those notes make customers feel like you’ve known them forever. Take this and buy yourself a whole stack of notes—”

“—Thank you!”

“I can, of course, escort you tomorrow!” Sanji offered, now getting to Mc, who was glowing from the berries that Zeff had handed over.

“Oh no, no need, Sanji. It’s just notes. I can handle it.”

“Get the lass the notebook from my room, Sanji. This one won’t last the night.”

Mc smiled at Sanji, and he went tapping Carne, gesturing to the pot.

As soon as Sanji left, he pulled out a list. “Take him to carry stuff.”

“Oh, okay,” Mc nodded, going over the list that had meat and rice on it. “That makes sense. It’ll be best to get everything at once.” She gasped. “I almost forgot we got this order from table 8, 5, and 2!” ripping off three papers and pinning them overhead of the pot Sanji was cooking.

She breezed out of the kitchen when the bell rang. “Thank you again, Zeff!”

She exited the door when Zeff hollered, “Buy yourself something else too!”

If she was drawn at that moment, she would surely have flowers in the background.

Carne looked at Zeff, who just returned it with a raised brow. “We got enough ingredients for next week.”

Zeff brushed his braided mustache. “The little eggplant deserves the break for how obedient he has been lately,” he chuckled. “Even volunteered to wait tables!”

**===**

“I’m pretty sure by the way you keep feeding me this expensive food, I’ll be in debt forever, Ji,” Mc sighed in content as she savored the dessert she just served earlier, which cost berries she'd earn in a day.

“Then you’ll stay forever with me,” Sanji winked, wiping the utensils they washed together dry.

Mc grinned, “You won’t hear me complaining,” taking another bite, she remembered something, causing her to pause.

Sanji paused and bit his cheek, watching the spoon in her mouth and her fishing out a paper and sliding it to him. “I hope this is a love letter.”

Mc pulled the spoon clean and held it up. “Unfortunately not, I thought about giving you one with the orders, but I don’t know if Carne or Patty will process the order instead, so I held back.”

Sanji blinked. Mc had always flirted back with him and accepted his flirtations, but he always thought it was a game they were playing. She was just charming, and she knew his past; why would someone like that return his love?

“I have a favor to ask, Sanji.”

He raised a brow, taking the paper but not opening it. “It’s a yes, whatever it is, darling.”

Mc opened her mouth to respond as if it was their usual game when she paused and stopped his hand from picking up the slid paper he just covered with his hand.

“Take me out on a date.”

His mind stopped. He watched her eyes, vulnerable and sincere. “Darling…” he trailed.

She can’t be playing with him. She must know how he couldn’t resist females, especially not her. Someone he treasures.

They went on a date. He planned it all out. She made him feel like he is the only man she could see. It was addicting to have all her attention just on him.

**===**

No one asked how old she was; no one was crude enough to ask, not with him, Carne, Patty around. She had always acted maturely. He was sure she was young, younger than him in appearance at least. Her mental age was around mid or late 20’s. Her actions were so, as he observed from their patrons.

It had been years since she drifted on their restaurant. Ever since his 19th birthday, Sanji had noticed her checking the orders or peeking at the customers as if waiting for someone or loud noises. She knew what was going to happen but refused to tell, afraid it won’t happen.

Then the chore boy appeared. Mc was so gentle and nice to him, always saving him and sneaking him food and patting his head. It wasn’t like she wasn’t giving him attention, but she was giving more energy to him. He didn’t like it one bit.

It was night; she was out for her regular singing at night, a small boat a few meters away from the restaurant. She never told anyone; they believed she assumed nobody could hear her, but they did. Everyone kept their windows open to hear her sing.

In her long nightgown covering everything but her hands and face. The glow of the night lamp she brought with her gave her a soft, ethereal glow.

“I always wanted a musician! Be my friend!”

Sanji’s heart leaped. If she left with the chore boy, he would never see her again. She smiled and patted the boy’s head, pushing his straw hat out of the way. “I can only play the guitar and not that well though.”

“Who cares? We can find one that plays music! We’re friends now!”

Her peal of laughter filled the darkness. “I’ll be just a singer then?” she smiled and sighed, “I would only in one condition.”

“Condition?”

She urged him closer and whispered, and before the boy could shout it, she held a finger on his lips. “You can’t tell anyone.” Part 2 here! Thank you for reading! I've never written for Sanji or One Piece before, but this idea won't let me sleep. It's a shame to leave it in my drafts to collect dust. Here's my tribute!

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byhees · 7 months

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kids ━━ ( 엔하이픈 종성 ) ♡ genre fluff kinda babysitting au warnings not proof-read

thinking about how amazing jay is with kids; despite his already gentle demeanor, i can imagine him being extra, extra sweet to little kids. he’d probably stay by the child’s side, eyes glittering with such a pretty twinkle, as he listens to their stories and little kiddo anecdotes.

he’s probably the type to claim that he’s “immune to the puppy dog eyes”, only to fumble and give in almost a second after meeting the little pair of doe eyes; will cover for the kid if they happen to do something out of pocket— like, no of course not! how dare you accuse this precious cutie over here?? i’m one-hundred percent the one who did that, mhm…

and i can imagine him playing along with little kids, sitting himself down and holding a mini plastic fork to imitate the eating of a meal; and although the dish is really just a combination of hollow, plastic food-lookalike toys, he’ll pretend to scarf it down.

also, i can see him putting on some flimsy, glittery crown just to accompany the kid during their little royal tea party; he’d do it in a flash, head adorned with whatever accessory he’s being given.

not to mention that he’d probably be so good at tying their hair— show him an image of a desired hairstyle, and it’d be replicated in real life (albeit a little bit sloppy and off-center); the soft giggles that’d fall from the kid’s lips as he gently gathers locks of hair, would definitely give him an instant serotonin boost.

taglist open! @halcyoni-ki @wondipity @yjjungwon @shysakuno @niktwazny303 @vnsux @minhosify @haechansbbg @yeomha @stepout-09-15 @chansburgah @sona-verse01 @lilly-bubblelops @smouches @mrchweeee @luvistqrzzz @j1nniee networks! @kflixnet @enhanet @k-labels

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leggy-martian · 3 months

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Ramen texture time

#marte #borzoi #russian wolfhound #sighthound #dogblr #snootblr #food lookalike #ramen noodles #he ran around on the beach

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suchananewsblog · 1 year

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Watch "Arvind Kejriwal Selling Chaat In Gwalior": Food Blogger Spots Delhi CM's Lookalike

If you follow food feeds on social media, you would be seeing a lot of stories about local street food stalls. Till just recently, we were not aware that many of the street-side food stalls employ innovative tactics to attract customers. From making fusion foods like ice cream dosa to spinning foods in the air before serving to the customers (remember flying dosa?), Indian street food stall…

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#arvind kejriwal lookalike #delhi cm arvind kejriwal #indian street food #viral food blogger #viral food video #viral street food stall

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sinfullyrosey · 1 year

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Feral Follies - Part 1

Floyd Leech X GN!Honey Badger!Reader

Warnings: Biting, Violence, Enemies to Lovers (who are still enemies), Hate Fucking, Rough Sex, Dom!Floyd (he tops), Dom!Reader, Eel Slime as Lube (sorry not sorry)

No smut in this part, but will in the next. I haven’t really been posting any big fics as of lately due to school, so wanted to get something out there, even if it’s not any actual smut.

Also, it’s a chance for me to try something different by asking ya’ll whether or not I should give Reader male or female genitalia for part 2 of this fic. Originally, I was just going to have the scene play out and not specify anything, but I got stuck writing it and now am considering giving ‘em female bits just to make things easier on me. Or should I stick to my original plan and leave it up in the air? I’ll be able to be more descriptive with an actual set of naughty bits.

I’ll try not to use any pronouns regardless of the final outcome though.

Your relationship with the infamous Floyd Leech is rather… complicated to say the least. The two of you didn’t have the best foot forward when meeting and this had undoubtedly caused a sort of heated rivalry between you and the Leech brother.

It had been during lunch, while you were walking over to your dormmates’ table, food in hand, when you noticed a tall, Octavinelle student looming over your friend. Said friend was cowering from the looming figure, while a few of your dormmates bristled and snarled at the stranger but didn’t move to defend the quivering beastman.

This didn’t sit well with you, so you hurried over to the table and put your tray down, before climbing onto the table to gain some leverage. This got the attention of everyone at the table, including your friend and the stranger, and before the tall asshole could say anything, you promptly bit into his shoulder without any warning, just like how you were taught back home.

All hell broke loose after that, students were panicking and hollering as the scene unfolded before them. The student, who you currently were latched onto, didn’t take too kindly to your actions and retaliated in turn. He growled and grabbed at you, attempting to pry you off, swearing at you as he did so.

You responded by biting down harder, drawing a few more droplets of blood.

The next of what happened was a bit of a blur as you had been rather blinded by your initial fury during the whole ordeal. You remember the student trying to bite you back but being unable to reach your shoulder or neck properly. He settled for simply clawing and punching at you, and at some point, began wrestling your still latched on form to the ground.

He was on top of you, trying to smother you under his weight by the time faculty arrived. A few other students also from his dorm arrived, attempting to break you two apart without getting caught in the crossfire themselves. There was even one of them who looked oddly like the jerk you were mentally maiming, though he kept his distance and tried to defuse the situation with words aimed at his lookalike.

Eventually staff was able to pull you off him and separate the two of you before matters really got out of hand. It was a wonder how neither of you got expelled, but from the looks the headmaster gave, it appeared this wasn’t the first time this sort of occurrence happened involving the said Octavinelle student.

Crowley left you off with a warning and said that since it was only you and the other who got injured and there was no property damage, you only had to help clean the cafeteria for two weeks.

Whatever, at least that jerkwad got what was coming to him, so it was worth the punishment.

Since that day, the student you now knew as Floyd, had taken to referring to you as “Barracuda” in reference to your feisty nature and stubborn, yet powerful bite. You didn’t much care for such nickname, especially after learning that the name was slightly derogatory on his part, a way to belittle and distant you from him.

No matter, you took to referring to him as “Kinyesi” in return, an obviously derogatory term of your own. He didn’t catch on until much later when one of Savanaclaw’s students told him what the term directly translated to.

Though your relationship didn’t stop at just name calling, oh no no, it spread into verbal and physical confrontations as well. That first fight in the cafeteria certainly wasn’t your last. You and Floyd had gotten into plenty of other fights over the past few months, usually taking place outside of class, away from the other students and staff. Rarely did you two ever get in a brawl where you could get caught and sent to the headmaster again.

And yet, the bruises and scars still painted a very vivid picture to anyone who saw them to what has been occurring between the two of you since that first fight. Your arms, face, and torso were littered with healed scratch marks and bitemarks. The same was for Floyd, accept he was the only one with a deep bitemark scar on his shoulder. The mereel still hadn’t managed to pay you back for that one.

That is, until today.

Floyd managed to get the upper hand by ambushing you while you were alone in one of the infrequently used hallways on campus. He snuck up behind you and unsuspectingly picked up your smaller frame by your underarms and slammed your back against the wall.

Your bag clattered to the floor in the process and your head spun from the impact. Once you gathered your bearings, you glared up at that stupidly, toothy grin of his.

“Hehe, hi little Barracuda.~”

You huffed, baring your fangs, ears flattened backwards in a warning to back off. Floyd was unfazed by the threat, more so amused.

“Fuck off, Kinyesi.”

His grin faltered at that, but as quickly as it fell, it curled back up, wider, and more sinister. Before you could even think to react, the eel sprung forward and clamped his jaw right into your shoulder, sinking his sharp teeth into your flesh.

Your eyes widened and a sharp hiss fell past your lips. On instinct you struggled in his grip, but was unable to free yourself, let alone gain proper leverage given your dangling position. He managed to draw some blood, much like how your own bite did to him.

Your kicking and clawing did nothing to remove the eel’s maw from your shoulder, so you were left with raging insults thrown his way as you cursed him out. The bastard was unfazed by your violent attempts and only responded by gnawing at the injury, causing more jolts of pain to shoot out along your shoulder and neck area.

But as quickly as he sunk his teeth into you, Floyd soon released himself from you and pulled away to now face you once more. He had that same annoying grin on his face, this time painted in the scarlet red of your own blood.

He licked his lips.

“Now we’re even!”

He said it so nonchalantly, like a child who just hit the kid who hit them first in retaliation. He was trivializing such a brutal display like it was nothing. You couldn’t help but growl up at him, even after he placed you back down on the ground, still grinning down at you.

Your hand raised to inspect the damage. You winced at the sharp sting and hot feeling of the small amount of blood now clotting on your shoulder. Surprisingly, it wasn’t too bad, nothing compared to the nasty bite you initially gave him, anyways.

You narrowed your eyes suspiciously. Why didn’t he cause more damage? Try to maul you or rip a chunk of your flesh out? He had the perfect opportunity and just, squandered it?!

“The fuck you mean, “We’re even?” You just bit my shoulder, unprompted, asshole!”

He merely shrugged as if it was obvious.

“You bit me unprompted and left a mark, so it’s only fair I do the same to you little Baracuda!~”

Your tail swayed in irritation at his response. He wasn’t entirely wrong in what he said, but you technically attacked him to defend your friend. He attacked you because he’s a psychotic, violent jerk! Yours wasn’t unprompted, but his sure as hell was!

“And now we match!”

Ears perked at the statement, and you could only look at him in complete bewilderment at what he just said. His sadistic grin had turned to one of playfulness and contentment, almost sounding, friendly in a way. Not a hint of mockery or threat could be heard in his tone. He sounded genuinely happy at what he had just proclaimed to you, as if he hadn’t just bit into your flesh like a predator starved.

“You are some next level batshit, Kinyesi.”

Weeks had gone by since that day, with little change between you and Floyd Leech. Well, on your part at least. You still hated the twin, and the two of you still had your weekly brawls that usually ended in either a draw or you, somehow, coming out on top. You still hated his guts and he still found joy in annoying you.

But recently the fights had somehow… shifted.

They were still violent and full of loathing, but it felt as if the atmosphere surrounding you two had a new air to it. Like the heat was no longer just about the animosity shared between you and him. As if something else, something new and unknown, was present whenever either of you landed a particularly harsh bite to the other.

The bites had become less painful, less about causing damage and more aimed towards a direction you couldn’t quite pinpoint. It was a foreign and strange feeling that built up in the pit of your stomach and festered there, growing hotter and hotter the more you fought.

The foundation of your and Floyd’s relationship had changed at some point and neither have properly acted on it, let alone, realized the shift.

You and the Leech brother found yourselves once again duking it out in an isolated spot on campus, away from the prying eyes of the other students and staff. Floyd had provoked you like he always did and before thinking things through, you had already tackled him to the ground, growling and spitting insults with every attack you threw his way.

In turn, he threw some of his own punches right back at you and had even managed to get you in a choke hold twice before you clawed your way back out again. Both of you were already gaining some new claw marks and bruises. Floyd was loving every second of it and acting as if you were merely play-wrestling, despite your expression saying otherwise.

He had managed to pin you to the ground once more, putting all his weight on you and holding your hands down so you couldn’t use them. You were spitting and hissing at him, trying to wiggle your hands free and bucking your hips to try and push him off of you, but to no avail.

Floyd was unfazed by your efforts and was sending a slew of mocking taunts and insults right back. His red-stained, pearly whites flashing in warning, possibly about to sink into your skin for the hundredth time. You growled, baring yours right back as if to say, “Try me, bitch.”

Your efforts to remove him caused you to feel something you hadn’t felt before. Something that was not just his flat pelvic area… Something sharper… pointier…

You suddenly froze, body on high alert and aware of something hard poking at your lower region. You sniffed at the air, picking up a distinct scent. You slowly, forcefully pulled your gaze away from his face and down towards his lower half to spot a noticeable tent peeking out from his pants. Your eyes widened and breath hitched.

“Is… is that..?”

Oh Great Sevens, he was popping a boner in the middle of your fight.

A heated flush took over your face, removing the redness from your anger and replacing it with embarrassment. Your eyes widened up at him in disbelief and disgust. His eccentric expression hadn’t changed, lips curling up wider in excitement.

“Oh, my fucking-ARE YOU TURNED ON BY THIS?!?!”

The mereel let out an uncharacteristic trill sound you hadn’t heard before and got closer to your face.

“Maybe.~”

Maybe your ass. His dick was harder than those weak attempt at cookies Kalim made for that one celebration a few weeks back. You huffed hot air into his sleazy face and hissed.

“Neee, I’m bored of our usual game, Barracuda, let’s play something more fun!~”

He proceeded to emphasize his point with a quick thrust of his clothed dick against your crotch. The contact sent a sharp jolt of heat to your lower stomach, and you bit your lip to keep any sound down.

“What are you-” You were interrupted when you took a sharp inhale at the pleasant feeling building in your nether regions.

“I’ve noticed a change in our little game, Barracuda. I’ve notices that you smell different whenever we wrestle, different than your usual smell. Your scent is more… inviting.~”

A blush rose to your cheeks. So, it wasn’t just you who’s noticed, huh? Something was different that even the eel jerk had taken notice and decided to act upon it by grinding his hips down onto you. And you’d be lying if you said this shift wasn’t in the least bit welcomed. You were still trying to wrap your mind around these newfound feelings, but his blunt advances in the matter were aiding to convince you easier.

But did you really want this, truly? With him of all people? The big bad eel of Octavinelle Dorm? The giant thorn in your side for the past month or so? The guy who got your heart racing and blood boiling in a mix of frustration and odd attraction. The one who currently was on top of you, still pinning your smaller body to the ground and grinning down at you in that charmingly condescending way.

The guy you so desperately wanted to kiss and let rail you right about now.

. . .

Ah, fuck it.

You threw all doubt to the wind and proceeded to aggressively mash your mouth against his, teeth clattering together and lips sloppily molding together in a mess of heated aggression and hormones. The eel was taken aback at first, but slowly grinned into the kiss before returning it with just as much vigor.

You moaned into the kiss, pushing your hips up to meet his own grinding thrusts. Heat started to pool inside you and spread throughout your body as Floyd let go of your hands to instead roam free and grope around your sides and butt. With your own free hands, you quickly wrapped them around his head and neck to pull him closer, deepening the kiss.

When he tried to pull away from your kiss, possibly to say something stupid or make some quip at how desperate you were being, you growled lowly before harshly biting his bottom lip. The sharp nip drew blood and got a disgruntled groan out of the taller male. His bicolored eyes leered down at you, taking it as a challenge and trying to bite into your tongue, albeit unsuccessfully. Instead, you bit his tongue, much gentler in comparison to the one you did on his lip.

His attempts made you pull away, a string of reddish-pink saliva connecting you two before breaking off. You licked the copper liquid from your lips, grinning up at him while he snarled down at you in return.

“What’s wrong, Floydy-boy, badger got your tongue?” You teased, tail wagging beneath you.

The eel huffed, but matched your smirk, lips pulling back to reveal more and more of his razor-sharp teeth in a show of challenge. A challenge you were willing to accept with just as much vigor, if not more so.

“No, but you’re about to have an eel have yours, Barracuda.”

#Twisted Wonderland #Twisted Wonderland Smut #TWST #TWST Smut #Floyd Leech X Reader #honey badgers really just woke up and chose violence #for those of you wondering 'kinyesi' is Swahili for 'shit' or 'fecal matter' uwu #GN!Reader

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