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buckybabesonly · 1 year

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Heart of Glass

Summary: You hate it when Bucky is mad, but it's a thousand times worse when you're the one he's mad at.

Pairing: Bucky x female!Reader

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: Insecure reader, self-deprecation, self-harm (?)

A/N: I love stories like these so thought I'd take a stab at it. Please do leave feedback, they are always encouraging!

Length: 4.8k

It had taken Bucky a long time to open up to you. His journey of being able to face what he had done as the Winter Soldier was long and arduous, and still ongoing. He had vivid nightmares, ones which alleviated in frequency over the course of the last few years, but which still sometimes made an unwelcome appearance.

His own healing was a work in progress, so it was no surprise that it was still a struggle for him to divulge certain aspects to you. He found it difficult letting himself be vulnerable, even around people he trusted, and insight into his past had been offered to you in scattered pieces.

You had been patient, although you wished that Bucky would feel comfortable revealing more. You never judged him, and you just wanted to help and do your part in the recovery process, if you could. It was much worse hearing the exacerbated, hateful stories of the Winter Soldier from other people’s mouths - the Internet was a horrid place, and whilst there were still a lot of people who supported Bucky Barnes and the Avengers in general, there were just as many people who would not forgive him for being the Winter Soldier.

You knew that you shouldn’t have done what you did. You and Bucky had been together for just over a year, friends for three times that long. It hadn’t all been flowers and rainbows - it had been a tumultuous relationship and you had had your ups and downs, but at the end of the day, you knew you had found your person. You were both learning and growing together, navigating the tougher obstacles in your relationship with enthusiasm. You had finally found someone you were truly madly in love with, and you felt so lucky.

It wasn’t easy, working for S.H.I.E.L.D as an agent which was a demanding career in itself, and dating someone who was almost in constant danger and carrying out often life-threatening missions. But you made it work. Getting to love Bucky and have him love you back was worth anything, and you loved being able to see him smile and, what’s more, being his reason to smile.

On the same token, you hated seeing him unhappy. It was the most devastating feeling in the world, in times when he was disappointed in himself, or when he had woken up from a particularly bad nightmare, or after one of his mandated therapy sessions.

The worst thing was seeing him mad. And it’s a thousand times worse when you’re the one he’s mad at.

You knew that you shouldn’t have done it. You felt guilty as you passed your colleagues desk and your eyes naturally flickered to a familiar name in recognition. BARNES, JAMES BUCHANAN.

You frowned slightly, realizing that his file was on a pile alongside a couple of other familiar names. It wasn’t unusual for another agent to have his file out, particularly if he was looking into specific incidents that Bucky may have been involved in the past, but you had never actually seen it in front of you before.

Of course, it would have been easy for you to find the file and look for yourself. Everything had electronic copies these days, or you could have grabbed the physical copies from the archive. But you had never done it, as it just didn’t feel right. Reading up on your boyfriend’s past like his life was a history book.

Still, despite yourself, you paused. You found your hand reaching out and you took a deep breath of momentary hesitation before you flicked open the file.

An assortment of photos and documents were stacked neatly inside. You couldn’t help it as you found your eyes consuming the information, flicking from page to page. The guilt was building in your gut the longer you spent, standing slightly crouched over the desk, consuming the information with an uncomfortable lump in your throat.

You wanted to cry. You felt your hate for HYDRA increase ten-fold, thinking about all the pain they inflicted on Bucky to manipulate him into their own personal killing machine, thinking about how they had simply made him hurt all those people. Bucky often had the most stoic, cool exterior, but you knew inside he was just your soft, gentle boyfriend. The most beautiful man you knew had been forced to be an assassin against his will.

And now he had to live with the consequences. It’s so unfair, you thought as tears of anger pricked your eyes. You were a very empathetic person, especially when it came to him, and you found yourself feeling quietly furious.

You slammed the file shut, conflicted emotions making you feel both angry and guilty. You always had an idea of what HYDRA had made Bucky do, of course, but actually consuming the detail within his file had made it come to life in your mind. All you wanted during the course of your time with Bucky was to get a better view from his shoes, if only to help you relate a bit more to his suffering. You loved him so much and you wanted nothing more than to help him.

At the same time, you knew it wasn’t right, snooping like this. You always told yourself to just wait, and eventually Bucky would trust you enough to share everything.

You started to wonder if you had done something wrong as you slowly walked away from the desk, nibbling your bottom lip. You cleared your throat uncomfortably, frowning as the contents of the file plagued your mind. You decided you would have to come clean to Bucky about this.

“What?” Bucky said quietly, cocking his head to the side as if he really had genuinely misheard you. However, as you studied the look in his eyes, you knew that he had heard every word.

“I know it was wrong. Bucky, I’m - “

“If you knew it was wrong, then why did you do it?” Bucky interrupted, his eyebrows drawing together as he frowned. Anger was starting to distort his face, and he kept his voice quiet and low.

You were mute for a long minute, your cheeks flushing as he stared at you, waiting for you to speak. You were both stood in your bedroom, you with your back against the window and his against the door. The distance between you felt painful.

“Do you know what a violation of my privacy that is?” he continued when you didn’t speak, his jaw twitching.

“I was just trying to - just trying to understand,” you said, trying to find the right words. “I just thought that if I knew what they did to you, then I could help you.”

“How would you be able to help?” Bucky was furious, but in that quiet, almost calm way that frightened you the most. His brow was slightly furrowed, corners of lips turned down into a frown, but the biggest giveaway was his clenched fists. They were shaking almost impercetibly.

It was scarier when he didn’t raise his voice, and your fingers twitched uncomfortably by your sides, wanting to reach out to him.

“I don’t know,” you whispered. “I thought that if I could understand what happened, then maybe I could help with your nightmares, help talk to you about the past.”

Bucky exhaled loudly, shaking his head. “Are you my therapist? What were you hoping to do, read my entire past and diagnose me?” He regarded you with a look of bewilderment and fury.

“No, I - “

“No, listen,” Bucky said, frustration rising in his throat, breaking his barely composed facade. “Do you have any idea how messed up that is? There’s a reason why I didn’t tell you everything at my own pace, and you went behind my back and fucking investigated me? How do you think that makes me feel? You couldn’t even respect me enough to let me tell you out of my own choice!”

You opened your mouth, but no words came out. You knew you had fucked up majorly. He was glaring at you, waiting for you to say something.

“I’m so sorry, Buck. I really didn’t have any bad intentions, I just - “

“It doesn’t matter,” Bucky spat out. “It doesn’t matter that you didn’t have any bad intentions. You think I’m proud of what I did as the fucking Winter Soldier? It haunts me, and I have to live with him for the rest of my fucking life. I - I trusted you, and you betrayed it.”

I let out a slight whimper at his words, knowing the venomous words he was spitting out was completely true.

“I have to fight so hard, every day, not to fall apart with the knowledge and memories of what the Winter Soldier did, what I did.”

“Bucky, please,” you said, taking a step forward, tears pricking your eyes. “I’m so sorry. I know I shouldn’t have done that, I am so, so sorry.”

Bucky shook his head, moving away from me and lifting his hands as a warning. “Don’t. Just - don’t.”

He turned his back, making to leave.

“Can we just talk about this?” you asked desperately, not wanting him to go. You were terrified that he wouldn’t come back.

“I need some space,” Bucky said sharply without turning to look back at you. He left and pulled the door shut with such force that you jumped, tears finally escaping.

You had no idea how you were going to fix this.

Bucky and you had one rule. Never go to bed angry at each other.

It was a rule you had instigated. You hated going to bed whilst you were in the throes of a fight, and the first time you had argued - something petty, really - you had pouted at Bucky and demanded that you make up.

He was relieved at that time as it was such a silly fight and he was anxious that you would give him the silent treatment. But he laughed as you jumped into his arms, kissing his cheek and letting him know all was forgiven.

“New rule - we can’t go to bed angry at each other,” you had announced at the time.

“Yes, my liege,” Bucky had responded.

Bucky wasn’t answering your calls or texts. You left 15 voicemails and 24 text messages, all apologizing and asking him to talk. You knew you should give him space, as it was only fair for him to digest what had happened and process, but you felt like you couldn’t function.

You wanted him by your side so you could apologize over and over again and tell him, genuinely, how regretful you were.

There was no excuse. Your face was tear-stained and eyes puffy as you paced your apartment, the clock having struck midnight a long time ago, with no sight of Bucky.

When four AM rolled round, you finally passed out on the couch whilst waiting for him. When your alarm rudely woke you up at seven, you startled and immediately ran into the bedroom, although you knew he wouldn’t be there.

The bed was empty, still made from the previous morning and untouched.

You could cry all over again.

You hurried to get ready nonetheless, and made your way to the Avengers Tower. You were involved in some S.H.I.E.L.D projects that were being hosted there, and you knew it was the place Bucky was most likely to be.

You checked your phone obsessively on the way to the Tower. No calls or messages from Bucky.

You groaned internally. He had never ignored you like this before. The gravity of the situation was slowly growing heavier and heavier - he was your Bucky, the one who always took care of you and worried over you and was by your side almost 24/7 whenever he wasn’t out on a mission, but now he was actively avoiding you.

More and more fear started to creep into the mix alongside the guilt. Would Bucky leave you over this?

When you arrived at the Tower, you expected it to be a lot harder to find him than it was. But he was in the training room, the first place you looked.

“Bucky,” you said quietly as soon as you saw him. He was serving blows mercilessly to a punching bag hung from the ceiling, as if he needed the practice. You knew he was letting off steam. He was dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, his hair hanging over his forehead in sweaty tendrils, his face slightly red.

Bucky barely even flinched. He didn’t acknowledge you at all, eyes never leaving the bag in front of him.

“Can we talk?” you asked tentatively.

No response.

“Bucky, if you don’t reply, I’m just going to start talking at you, and I really don’t want to do that,” you said. All you wanted him to do was at least look at you.

Bucky stopped then and you heaved a sigh of relief. But instead of speaking, he simply wrapped a towel around his shoulders and turned his back on you, leaving out of the door on the other side of the room.

You felt rocks fall to the bottom of your stomach, and the urge to cry reared its ugly head yet again.

Bucky hadn’t spoken to you for two days. He hadn’t returned to your apartment for two days.

You had cried all of those days. You tried to find him and corner him to make him face you, but after that day in the training room, he had really been avoiding you. You had only seen him once in those two days, and he immediately disappeared as soon as he saw you.

It hurt so much. Like someone had stabbed you and, what’s more, was twisting the handle.

You knew you deserved it. You had really hurt Bucky, but part of you was still terrified of what he would do. How long would he wait until he decided to speak to you again? Was he going to break up with you?

You didn’t know how to fix it. You were ashamed to tell Sam, even though you wanted to ask his advice on what to do. You had done something so bad that you didn’t want to face his disappointment, too, although you were certain Bucky may have already told him.

Still, it hurt so bad. All you wanted Bucky to do was hug you and tell you it was alright, instead you were met with indifference and the back of his head. He wouldn’t even look at you.

You would rather he shouted at you, screamed at you, anything to actually make him talk and acknowledge your existence. But he continued to ice you out, and your heart was breaking.

Bucky knew he loved you even before you officially became a couple. He loved how funny you were, how hard working you were, how you always listened to his side of the story, how you took care of him and patiently explained anything to him that he still didn’t quite understand about the modern world.

There were a lot of great women, but to Bucky, you had stood out. From day one, you had cared about him. Little things, like asking about his favorite songs from the 40s, making sure his head was covered with your umbrella when it was raining even though your shoulder was getting wet, ensuring he got three solid meals a day and that his favorite snacks were stored in the pantry.

Bigger things, too, like letting him share the burden of his past with you without ever a word of judgment or disdain, encouraging him to visit his parents’ grave on the anniversary of their death and making the journey with him, sharing memories of Steve whenever Bucky was missing him. You were his rock, and he felt like he had mined the most precious diamond.

He knew he could tell you anything, but his sordid past as the Winter Soldier was still something he was trying to overcome himself. He was ashamed, and part of him was worried that you would suddenly think less of him. See him as the monster that he used to be, the monster that he sometimes saw himself as.

He hated the thought of poisoning your mind with unsavory images of himself and the knowledge of what he had done.

He was so angry to know that you saw his file. But the majority of his feelings came from the fact that he was so laden with guilt. He didn’t want you to know the ugly truth when all you had seen of him so far was the better version of himself that he was trying to be.

How could he forget his past when you knew every disgusting detail now, too? When you had now also seen the faces of all the people he had killed?

At the same time, he believed you when you said you were just trying to help. That was just your nature. He knew that you genuinely thought if you understood, you could offer assistance and ease his silent torment.

But anger prevailed, and he found himself ignoring you for days, even though he felt so immature doing it. He just couldn’t face you right now, even as you stared at him with wide, hopeful eyes. He could barely avoid meeting your gaze and instead chose to turn away completely, as if pretending you weren’t there would alleviate the pain. He was afraid that if he looked at you a little too long, his resolve would shatter.

It was exceptionally poor timing that your birthday rolled around after five days of total radio silence from Bucky. You had forgotten, actually, until you entered the Tower and a fellow agent had wished you a happy birthday.

You gave her a weak smile as you muttered some made up plans about how you would be celebrating.

You wanted to burst out crying when you saw Bucky that morning, in the kitchen at the Tower.

He was leaning against the kitchen island, a smile on his face, a smile you hadn’t seen for almost a week. He was talking to an agent, a decent girl you had worked with before. You liked her, actually, as did a lot of people. He was talking to her about something, looking more relaxed than you had seen him since you had the fight.

He hadn’t noticed you as you observed the two of them. You didn’t think anything flirtatious was going on, but still, it hurt to see him smiling softly at someone else when he hadn’t paid you any attention for so long.

Part of you wasn’t sure if Bucky was going to speak to you today. But it was your birthday, after all - he always made a big deal out of it, asking you what you wanted to do and making sure you got a cake and flowers and all the romantic works. He always told you that you were his greatest gift, and so he couldn’t miss celebrating the day that you were brought into the world.

If he didn’t speak to you today, you think you would be sick.

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t realize the agent Bucky was talking to was leaving, and as she walked past you, you felt Bucky’s eyes on you. You met his gaze hesitantly, blinking wordlessly.

He paused, and you could almost see the gears turning in his brain as he decided what to do.

His smile dissipated, and he turned his back on you.

When you returned home that night, you cried your eyes out. You sat on the couch forlornly, staring at the door, half-expecting him to burst through at any moment with an apology and kisses waiting to be pressed onto your lips.

Midnight struck, and you went to bed alone.

Six days.

Bucky had not spoken to you in six days, and honestly, he felt like shit.

He had never been so angry at you before, but he was surprised at himself that his silent streak had lasted so long. To be honest, the time had passed quickly, as he had kept himself as busy as possible.

As Bucky came down from his angry high, the feeling of guilt and sadness overwhelmed him at the thought of you being unhappy. He knew that this period of time would be tough on you, although he stood by his point that you should not have read his file behind his back, especially as you knew how sensitive he was about his past.

And yet, ultimately, he recalled that you only had his best interests at heart, even if you were going about it the wrong way. He sighed as he approached the Tower elevator, stepping inside just as Sam came running down the hallway, shouting at him to hold.

Bucky stabbed the close door button repeatedly, cursing as Sam slid past just in the nick of time, punching him playfully.

“You in a mood, princess?” he snickered, taking note of the dark circles under Bucky’s eyes. “You been up all night with your girl?”

Bucky let out a tsk. He sighed as the elevator descended.

“No. Haven’t spoken to her actually,” he admitted.

“Woah, wait. What do you mean?” Sam asked when he realized Bucky was being serious.

“Had a fight,” Bucky said reluctantly.

Sam frowned lightly. “On her birthday?”

Bucky froze as he opened his mouth to clarify that the fight had began a few days ago. His mind racked to confirm today’s date.

Shit. It was your birthday yesterday.

“Oh fuck,” Bucky said, head lolling back to bash against the glass elevator wall.

“You okay, man?” Sam asked, clearly concerned.

“I messed up,” he sighed in response, pinching the bridge of his nose. God, now he wanted to cry. How could he do this to you? He was already beginning to feel like he’d gone overboard with his reaction as the days passed and the red haze of anger dissolved from his eyes, clouding his better judgment, but now he truly felt like he had gone about everything so wrongly.

You had always gone on about the importance of communication in a relationship, and how you both needed to work together to overcome any challenges, and that one of the things you valued the most was being open and honest.

He imagined you sat alone at home, on your birthday, waiting expectantly for him to turn up.

His chest hurt.

You lay down in bed as the sun set, darkness filling the room.

You had the covers over your head as the tears wet your pillow, your head hurting so much from all the crying and dehydration.

Your world was truly coming down around you. You were about to lose the best thing that had ever happened to you. Bucky was going to leave you, and it was your fault. The past few days had really unveiled your most deep rooted fear, that the love of your life was going to abandon you.

“You’re so stupid,” you whispered to yourself. “So stupid. So fucking stupid.”

You ignored the incessant buzzing of your phone. Your friends had been calling you since your birthday yesterday, concerned that you hadn’t picked up even once. You didn’t care. If Bucky wasn’t here, then you just wanted to be alone.

You always knew you weren’t good enough for him. Always knew that he would leave you eventually. Out of all the people in the world, what on earth would make him choose you?

You threw the covers off of you as a new surge of rage overwhelmed you.

“You are so fucking stupid!” you screamed out loud, letting the anger seep through your body, expel through your lungs. You stormed over to your mirror and punched the glass once, twice, until it cracked and sliced your knuckles, blood trickling immediately over your hand.

Bucky was going to leave you.

Your knees buckled and you collapsed onto the floor, head hanging as tears dripped down onto the carpet.

“So stupid,” you continued in a whisper. “So useless, so stupid, so -”

“What the fuck are you doing?” came a loud voice, and your head snapped up with such speed that your head spun.

Bucky was standing in the open doorway, expression aghast as he took in the sight of you. Red, swollen eyes, bleeding hand, sitting in front of the broken mirror.

“Bucky,” you said weakly, voice trembling. He had come back to break up with you.

You always knew he would do it eventually. Your relationship was too good to be true.

“Oh my god,” Bucky hissed as he darted forward, moving down on his knees to join you and gently lifting your wounded hand. “What have you done?”

You started to cry again, feeling so pathetic. Bucky shook his head, eyes frantic.

“No, no, no, doll, please don’t cry,” he said, his voice softening.

“I’m sorry,” you garbled, voice thick with guilt. “I know I fucked up, I know. I’m so sorry Bucky. Please don’t leave me.”

The desperation in your voice broke Bucky’s heart. He wrapped his arms around you, holding you as tight as he could without hurting you, pressing his lips against the top of your head.

“Listen to me. I’m not going to leave you,” he said firmly. He pulled back and studied your face carefully, trying to keep his voice steady for your sake. “I need to patch you up, okay?”

You sniffled, nodding once before he stood up and disappeared into the bathroom. He reappeared with a first aid kit, kneeling down once more and inspecting your hand.

“Why did you do that, doll?” he murmured, a pained look in his eyes as he began to clean you up. It wasn’t a serious injury, just a scratch compared to some of the other battle wounds you had received in the past, but the idea that you had done that to yourself made Bucky so sad.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered again. “I’m just - I don’t know. I’m so angry at myself. Please will you forgive me? For everything?”

Bucky’s eyes welled up as he paused with his tending to your hand, biting down hard on the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying. You were the most important person in the world to him and he had been pushing you away, had completely forgotten your birthday, and you had hurt yourself because of him when all you wanted was to help him.

“I forgive you,” he whispered, kissing your forehead tenderly. “Will you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive you for,” you insisted as he resumed cleaning your wound. You could see his eyes were wet, and you were nonplussed at why that would be.

“Yes, there is,” Bucky said, wearing a look of shame that you didn’t understand. “I know that your heart is always in the right place. Instead of talking to you about it, I just shut you out. No matter how angry I was, I shouldn’t have done that. I hurt you.”

He worked quickly, bandaging your hand and slowly holding your wrist after. His solemn blue eyes finally met yours.

“I love you so much. I should have stayed to talk, but I just… left. I shouldn't have done that.” He took a deep breath. “I walked away because I couldn’t stand the thought of you knowing everything. Knowing all the people I’ve killed - some of them innocent people. Read about how cold I was, the - the complete lack of mercy I showed. I am a monster.”

“Bucky,” you whispered, lifting your good hand to tenderly touch his face. You were hesitant, as if you were afraid he would withdraw from your touch. Instead, he leaned against your palm, eyes closed. He turned to press a kiss into your hand.

“I thought - “ you began, taking a deep breath at the insecurity and uncertainty that still plagued you. “I thought you were going to break up with me.”

Bucky’s eyes opened to stare at you forlornly, as if hurt that you would even have this thought.

“Never,” he said firmly. “You have no idea how much I have missed you.”

You launched yourself into his arms then, willing Bucky’s strong arms to encircle you. He did just that, holding you close as you sobbed quietly into his shoulder.

“Let me make it up to you, okay?” Bucky murmured. “Belated birthday celebration.”

“It’s enough that you’re here,” you whispered.

You still had a lot to talk about, but you felt so much better now that Bucky was standing by your side again. Maybe everything was going to be alright.

#bucky fic #bucky x female reader #bucky angst #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky x reader angst #bucky one shot #bucky angst one shot #bucky x you fight

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todorokies · 2 months

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cherry blossoms, tarot cards & chamomile - suguru geto

contents: sfw, fluff, meet-cute at book store, fem!reader, strangers to potential lovers, mentions of curses & whatnot, tarot cards reading,, 1.5k words.

a/n: this one goes out to the hopeless romantics who wanna fall in love in a bookstore aka me (we hear & see you)

spring has sprung as one would say. the pale snow that covered the ground has melted away, which in turn allows the freshly cut grass to flourish.

cherry blossoms had recently littered the streets alongside the sidewalks, with each petal engaging in a unique twirl that fluttered like a dragonfly before angelically collapsing on the concrete.

with spring came along new missions suguru would have to endure either by himself or with his trusted friend —and nuisance— satoru. as curse energy that once accumulated during the toughest season gets released during the warmer seasons.

today was different however, the pair had been sent into town to retrieve a relic from the past of jujutsu history; a two thousand year old book that slipped out of the archives and has been rumoured to be contained in a bookstore hidden in the nooks of jimbocho.

“the warm breeze outside might fix the low oxygen levels in your heads.” yaga sarcastically reasons when satoru made his complaints about the origins of the mission known.

the raven haired sorcerer reprimanded his tone but expressed his concerns in a more diligent manner. anyone with half a brain would know it would take many decades to successfully pawn through each and every bookshop in the jimbocho district for a specific book, that neither of them even have the slightest clue as of what it looks like.

nonetheless, they were shooed off campus with a pat on the back and a simple: “you’ll know it when you see it—or rather feel it.”

suguru now navigated through the busy streets alone, —his white haired companion taking off a few hours ago on his own journey— with both hands in his pockets taking in the simplicities of life that surrounded him while keeping his eyes sharp for any unusual curse energy.

each corner he’d turn the storefronts would be filled with colourful book spines neatly lined adjacent to one another. the harsh sound of crimped sandpaper occasionally made its presence known when a costomer would flip through the pages.

a bitter earthly aroma tangoed with the wind. one would simply scrunch their nose up and turn the other way but for suguru, the olden smell of books filled him with comfort.

elderly couples hand in hand, a few children accompanied by their parents, and the complementary store cats that would linger in the isles or be found curled up on a random stack of books.

after roaming about and checking a few stores for their recent inventory stock, suguru oddly felt inclined towards a particular store that was larger than the others.

he enters, a ring of a bell from above signals his arrival. immediately, the smell of different assortments of tea wafts in and lingers in his nose.

a café combined with a bookstore…that’s definitely convenient. he eyes the ‘ring for assistance’ bell that rest apon the main counter, he lightly scoffs before ringing it.

“how many times do i have to tell your ass, no, you can’t conduct a séance he—” you round the tight, abelit, breathable corner to face the person it seems you weren’t expecting. you slightly jump back in a frightened manner then regain your composure, or more so, your customer service demeanour.

“my apologies! business is slow today and i thought a rather persistent costomer had came back. do you need help with a book or would you like to order something?” you enunciate your words with care, trying to not let any vocal cracks slip as you fiddle with your colourful apron which is a rather stark contrast from your all black work uniform.

suguru would pride himself as goal oriented man. the kind demands of asking to take a look at your recent stocks to see if the cursed book has fallen onto your shelves nearly wavers past his lips but the faint smell of his favourite tea clouds his better judgement.

“yes, i’d take chamomile tea with honey please.”

“coming right up!” you popped the ‘p’, scurrying off into the back to prepare his choice of beverage. alone with his thoughts again, suguru observed his surroundings with more caution.

the store has a whimsical charm to it. different array of ambiance lighting scattered throughout the establishment, vintage burgundy rugs made an appearance here and there, a few wooden chairs cushioned by velvet and a long couch that looks as if it has been passed down through many generations.

a sturdy coffee table in the middle and of course, the probably hundreds of thousands books neatly tucked in the shelves.

he wonders if you run this big place by yourself, must be a hassle if you do. he also wonders why a séance was mentioned by you in an irritated tone. maybe it could connect to his current mission? he plans on subtly bringing the topic up.

“one chamomile with honey!” you cheerfully announce handing over his mug. you don’t miss the way your heart skips a few beats when your fingers accidentally brush against his.

suguru nods his head to express his thanks. while digging for his wallet he brings up what’s been on his mind, “what was that séance you were talking about before?” he lightheartedly inquires.

you cautiously look over your shoulders and nibble on your bottom lip, as if you were scared someone might hear, “nothing too serious i suppose. these past few days business has plummeted cause there’s been talk about how this place is haunted.”

a small beat passes.

“which it isn’t by the way! just some silly stuff kids say when they wanna get under uncle daichi’s skin,” you grimace.

you then go on a bit of a tangent about how the alleged “hauntings” started a few weeks ago, just about the same time you gotten a new inventory restock. books would fly off shelves, unnerving whispers can be heard, lights would flicker and the atmosphere would turn unsettling.

suguru is unfazed yet intrigued by this, he calmly listens as his sharp eyes never leaves your face. he notices how animated your expressions are when retelling the events; you talk heartily with your hands as well as your voice that creates a certain bass to match your feelings.

he hums as he takes a slip from his mug, “can you show me the known hotspot for these hauntings?” you nod eagerly and swiftly move from your spot at the front desk to the back of the store.

yaga wasn’t kidding when he said he’d be able to feel the cursed book, as the cursed energy in the air multiples a tenfold when they step into the secluded part of the store the lighting couldn’t reach. he wonders how a cursed object this powerful was able to conceal itself from being spotted for so long.

suguru plucks the hefty grimoire off the shelf, small dust particles flying in its wake, “i’d like to purchase this one.” you look at him as if he grew an extra pair of eyes, but quickly shrug off any confusion and lead him back to the front of the store to cash him out.

as you progress his payment you feel conflicted about letting this particular stranger go so soon. holding him up for a few minutes couldn’t hurt, right?

“uhh.. wait, with each purchase a tarot card reading is offered free of charge. would you like to know what the future potentially has in store for you?”

suguru presses his lips in a thin line and sighs. he doesn’t have time for this and doesn’t believe in cards beholding a hidden future, however he is a sorcerer and just bought a book that would be a danger to society if not soon contained. raining on other peoples parade simply isn’t his forte.

he softly smiles with his eyes turning into crescent moons, “hit me.”

you try to conceal your excitement as you bring out a deck bound together by a rubber band. you start shuffling until four different cards slip out of the deck.

death, judegment, eight of cups, and the lovers.

“intresting…don’t be too alarmed by the death card, it could indicate the decay of a friendship that doesn’t hinder towards your beliefs or an troublesome habit finally coming to an end.”

you continue, “judement and eight of cups go hand in hand as your new calls for action may put certain things into perspective for you, as this chosen path may lead to dissatisfaction.”

“and finally, the lovers card is the nice light at the end of the tunnel. someone you can confine in and pour your heart out to; tarot cards can be interpreted in millions of ways so, take what i say with a grain of salt.” you smile as you put the cards away to bid the stranger farewell.

suguru stares astonished absorbing this information, you’re good. he’ll give you that. “well..thanks for the reading and the tea, have a great day.”

and just like that, he turns his back to leave until he stops just in front of the door. “oh, and i can assure you the ‘hauntings’ should come to an end now.” he smirks and waves you goodbye.

you smile until he fully leaves which is when the realization hits that you didn’t even get the chance to get his name, you frown and groan into your palms.

maybe he’ll swing by again…hopefully.

reblogs & feedback is extremely appreciated !! <3

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softlimefluff · 2 years

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SPW Morioh

A place to put all the worldbuilding and fics for the Morioh Speedwagon branch!

Morioh SPW planning update July 2020

Reference sketches of the Foundation

Press Release for SPW Foundation Morioh opening

SPW Morioh opening press conference announcement

Flowerball (birthday AriHan fluff--first tour of SPW Morioh branch, with a few unexpected surprises along the way~)

Everyday, Everynight (Collab with Lena for the SWF Morioh opening day!! Meeting after the press conference and just before the gala! AriHan + GioLena)

Photo Reference for what the hotel area at SPW Morioh looks like

What we know from JJBA canon about stands

SPW Tokyo briefing - Ari laying out the purpose and inner workings of the SPW Morioh branch to the SPW Japan board

#in progress #for personal navigation and archival

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backgroundagent3 · 1 year

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Z-library alternatives

So z-library is down, which is an absolute tragedy, but for those looking here's a list of alternatives under the cut.

Books

Open Library: this works like an actual library, where there's a waiting list and you can borrow books for x time.

Library Genesis: my personal favourite of the ones in this list, both for entertainment or academic books. Here you can download epubs or other formats, and there's a great ISBN search function.

Sci-Hub: this is for research papers, but you have to type the exact title of what you're looking for.

IT eBooks: books on IT and programming.

Ubooquity: has to be installed to use.

Simon & Schuster: I haven't actually tried this one, but it has a mailing list which you have to sign up to in order to get the books.

eBooks 3000: this doesn't have that many options and there are some pop up ads.

PDF Drive: there's no limits or ads, but it only has PDF formats.

Read Any Book: here you can read books online or download them.

The Eye: sort of an archive with pretty much everything, but you can't search things here, and it's tough to navigate. I think they have audiobooks too.

Audiobooks

Audiobook Bay: here you can download audiobooks.

Booksonic: this is for audiobook streaming, and you have to download the app or install the software on your computer.

Tokybook: this one has many options, and it's easy to navigate.

I know none of these are as good as z-library was, but hopefully they'll do the trick. This could really help people, so pass it on and add if you have more!

#z library #zlibrary #zlib #z lib #pirating #books #ebooks #audiobooks #z library alternatives #background agent 3

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garoujo · 6 months

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hi guys! unfortunately for now, if it wasn’t obvious i have decided to leave garoujo . . i’ve just not been feeling very great here anymore & as much as i have such an attachment to this blog, it’s become not fun again as it’s beginning to affect my mental state. i’m not going to deactivate for now it will be left here as an option & an archive! i may eventually private eventually but until then it’ll stay.

i’ve made a new possible blog that could be an option after a well needed break from here, but i won’t be publishing the url publicly because i feel like i need a proper fresh start and a clean slate if so. mutuals can still dm me to ask for the new url (ive followed a few already but i’ll still be logged in here to make sure i don’t miss anyone if u ask) but its mostly just a personal one for the time being. also if you happen to come across it on your own eventually, please respect my decision to have it remain completely separate from this one.

i appreciate all the kindness & support that’s been shown to me during my time on this blog despite how much it’s been through. i also want to apologise to anyone who’s ever gotten a negative impression from / of me on here or been roped into any drama surrounding me, i hope we can all just continue to enjoy our time here while we indulge in our silly little hobby!

please remember to be kind & thank you for giving me a place.

- emmie ❤︎

return to regular navigation

#ʚ・◞📎 — em entry.#thank u for almost 30k people indulging in my silly little thoughts #you will be missed garoujo <3 #maybe one day we will be together again #also if u do happen to come across it pls keep it to urself . . i rly just want my blog to feel comfy again

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targaryenrealnessdarling · 8 days

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A Duet of Fire and Fate

ONGOING

Summary: Aemond Targaryen, a talented cellist marked by his family's legacy and a personal tragedy meets a gifted pianist from a music rival school. As they navigate the pressures of a national music competition, their initial rivalry transforms into a complex relationship filled with unspoken desires and shared musical ambitions. Amidst the backdrop of high stakes performances and the cutthroat world of classical music, they discover that their greatest challenge isn't winning the competition, but understanding the true harmony between their hearts and their art.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

ADOFAF: Taglist: @julczimozart @helaenaluvr @toodlesxcuddles @apothe-roses @bellaisasleep @tulips2715 @deliaseastar @lorarri

Dividers by @strangergraphics-archive ♥️

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arcanusarchieves-if · 2 months

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||DEMO TBA||INTROS||

The Arcanus Archives is an upcoming 18+ modern fantasy interactive novel. Inspiration is taken from: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson and The Olympians, The Mortal Instruments (and various other YA series).

[[Content Warnings]]: This story will include things such as explicit language, violence, substance use, sexual themes, etc.

“That's the thing about magic; you've got to know it's still here, all around us, or it just stays invisible for you.” ― Charles de Lint

The allure of magicae is undeniable. It's a force so majestic that many dedicate their entire lives to its pursuit - something that most people spend their entire lives devoted to.

After all, when one can do practically anything with just a wave of their wrist, why would they even consider wasting their time on things like cooking and cleaning when they could be learning to tame dragons or inventing new spells? Most Magus don't even consider leaving the world of Magicae once they've made a life for themselves.

Of course, you aren't most Magus.

Instead of breaking curses or making potions, you've made the very practical (and totally not boring) choice of settling down in the non-magical world. An odd choice, sure, but it's not like you were exactly going to make it very far as a Magus. Not with your...condition.

Especially now that the war was over.

Honestly, spending the rest of your life as a Debilis was probably the best choice you could have made.

...or at least, that was what you thought until a certain bird flew through your window and let the parchment in their mouth flutter down onto your desk.

So now, instead of being able to live out what would've been your very happy and normal life, you are being dragged back into a world full of mystic and wonder to fight a war that you really don't want anything to do with. You'd be terrified (or perhaps thrilled) if you weren't dreading it so much.

Have fun exploring a world of magic and wonder. Try not to get too caught up in the excitement though - after all, there is a dark side to everything.

Create your own character! Their personality, appearance, gender identity, sexuality and skills will be yours to customize!

Choose from five different houses that your MC could've been in during school!

Look back into your past and all the fun experiences and relationships that come with it. Try not to fall too deeply into it though - you still have the future to look forward to after all.

Join a secret magic organization in order to stop an upcoming war!! Yay!!

Navigate through a series of complex relationships. Will you find friendship? Fall in love? Help mentor and care for the child of your deceased friends? Join the dark side and murder everyone? It's completely up to you!

#interactive fiction #dashingdon #interactive if #if wip #interactive game #interactive novel #choicescript #if game #wip #choice of games #cog #Arcanus #The Arcanus Archives #demo tba #if intro

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space-matt · 17 days

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right person, wro- ight time

matt.sturniolo x fem.reader

summary: lifelong best friends, but with hidden feelings.

Can one night change everything?

request: yes -> anon

cw: use of y/n, angst, fluff (?), mention of sex

author’s note: hello everyone!!! Here I am back after a long time, but I wanted to take a break from writing.

At the moment some of my stories like ''Breaking promises'' are archived because I'm revising them and changing some things, if you want you can take a look here -> masterlist

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺

English is not my first language, if you see grammar and typing mistakes, I apologize in advance! I just ask you not to be rude to me ♡

*ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻*ੈ✩‧₊˚ *ੈ✩‧₊˚༺

As you watch Matt and his girlfriend engage in a passionate display of affection on the couch, you can't help but feel a mix of emotions. Jealousy and anger course through your veins as you long to be the one in his arms. The scene before you seems like a cruel reminder of what you can't have.

You have known Matt, and his brothers Nick and Chris, for as long as you can remember. Your mom's close friendship brought the four of you together, and you've been inseparable ever since.

You've shared countless memories together, from taking warm baths as toddlers to navigating the ups and downs of adolescence.

Your feelings for Matt first emerged when you were just eight years old. While his siblings ran around and teased each other, he was the only one who pushed you on the swing, making you feel safe and cared for.

Or how that time in middle school he was next to you when coming out of the bathroom, he noticed a red spot on your butt and promptly gave you his sweatshirt to cover you up.

Over the years, your attachment to him only grew stronger, even as you had flings with other boys. You never acted on your feelings, though, afraid of ruining the strong bond you had built with him over the years.

Now, as you watch him with his girlfriend, you can't help but wonder what could have been if you had been brave enough to take a chance on love.

As you sit on a cushioned chair in the cozy kitchen, you turn towards the stove and place your phone on the wooden table, emitting a snort of frustration. Chris, who is equally exhausted by the ongoing show, rises from the couch and comes to hug you from behind, enveloping you in his strong arms.

"God, I can't stand them anymore," he whispers softly in your ear, his breath warm against your skin.

"Don't tell me" you reply, your eyes still fixated on the screen of your phone, as you use one hand to scroll through social media and the other to caress Chris's hand, which is resting on your chest.

At times, you find yourself wondering why your heart chose Matt over Chris, especially given that Nick is off-limits. Chris is so caring, kind, and affectionate with you that you have thought several times that he actually has feelings for you.

However, you try to suppress this thought because if it were true, you would disappoint his heart by telling him that the person you love is his brother.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

As you lay on Nick's bed, you stare up at the ceiling, taking in the intricate patterns of the plasterwork. The guy sitting beside you is completely absorbed in editing the video that they plan to post later on that evening, with their headphones on and their eyes fixed on the computer screen.

Suddenly, a loud and jarring sound reverberates throughout the house, causing you to raise your eyebrows in confusion. You listen carefully, and a few seconds later, another door slams shut, confirming your suspicions that something is definitely wrong.

Your heart racing, you get up from the bed and begin to move cautiously towards the stairs, your senses heightened and your mind racing. As you make your way down to the living room, you can feel the tension in the air, and you can see that Chris is lying on the couch, his face contorted with concern.

You approach him and ask in a hushed voice, "Was that Matt making all that noise?"

He nods his head, his eyes meeting yours with surprise. "Yeah...apparently Perrie dumped him" he replies.

Your voice drops to a whisper as you consider this news, and you say, "Uhm...I'll go check on him..." You walk towards his room, feeling a sense of trepidation in the pit of your stomach. As you approach the door, you can hear the sound of muffled sobs coming from within, and you know that you need to go in and try to help him through this.

You stand outside Matt's door, knocking a few times, but receive no response. You call out to him, "Matt...it's me, please open up" and lean your forehead against the door. Only when you hear the lock click do you lower the handle and enter the darkened room.

As you step inside, the scene before you breaks your heart. Matt is lying on his stomach on the bed, his sobs echoing throughout the room. Without a second thought, you move to his side and embrace him, whispering "Shh...don't cry please, she doesn't deserve you" while gently caressing his back.

Through his tears, Matt manages to speak, "She...she's everything to me." A beam of moonlight enters the room, illuminating the bed you are sitting on, and you can't help but notice how red his otherwise clear eyes have become.

A spontaneous gesture starts from you as you take your sweatshirt sleeve to wipe away his tears. "Do you want to talk about it?" you ask, tilting your head to the side and taking his hand, offering your support and patience.

You couldn't help but feel a twinge of pain as you saw your close friend Matt in such a vulnerable state. His head was bowed, and his eyes were shut tight as he let out a deep sigh. You knew that he was going through a tough time in his relationship, and your heart went out to him.

Despite your sympathy for his situation, you found yourself thinking selfishly at that moment. Perhaps, you could finally have a chance with him. You pushed that thought aside, knowing that your emotions were taking over your rational side.

Matt looked up at you, and you could see the sadness in his eyes. He began to speak, but his words trailed off as he struggled to find the right ones. You squeezed his hand, urging him to continue.

"She says she wants to take some time to think, and... she doesn't know if she loves me like before" he finally managed to say, his voice trailing off again.

‘’Ow Matt.. I’m sorry’’ you reached out to him, stroking his cheek as he rested his head against yours. At that moment, time seemed to stand still as you gazed into each other's eyes. You could see the pain etched on his face, and it broke your heart.

As you sat together on the bed, bathed in the soft glow of the moonlight, your mind began to race with a million different scenarios. You wondered what the future held for you and him. As if in response to your thoughts, you saw Matt's figure approaching you, his gaze fixed on your lips.

''Matt what are you doing?’’ You ask when you find yourself an inch from his lips feeling your breaths grow heavier;

With a gesture, his lips rest on yours and you can't help but think how soft they are and how long you've been waiting for that moment.

The rest comes on its own: removed all distance remains you, lying on his bed sharing what to you was perfection, Love. To him, it was pure distraction, Sex.

At least that was what he thought at that particular instant.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

You wake up to the sound of birds chirping and a few rays of sunshine coming in through the window, casting a warm glow on the room. As you turn your head to the other side of the bed, you notice that the mattress beside you is empty, and a sense of loneliness washes over you. Wrapped naked in the brown sheets, you feel a deep longing for the person who was lying next to you just a few hours ago.

You look around the room and see your clothes scattered on the floor, which reminds you of the events that took place the night before. You recall how you finally confessed your feelings for him, and you think he reciprocated them. It was like a turning point in your relationship, and you couldn't be more thrilled.

However, you don't want to arouse suspicion, so you quickly put on your clothes and quietly walk out the door. As you step into the open space, you notice his figure sitting with his head in his hands. You wonder if he's feeling the same as you.

You glance around and realize that the other two boys are still sleeping in their rooms, completely unaware of what happened between you and him last night.

As he senses someone's presence, he turns to see who it is. It's you, and you’re standing there motionless. You ask him what's going on, but he remains silent and instead, keeps looking at you. You remain in your position, unsure of what to do next.

Finally, he breaks the silence, "Y/n, we need to talk," his voice is low and serious. You understand that this is not going to be a simple conversation, and you head towards the sofa to sit down. He follows suit.

He stares at you for a moment, as if trying to find the right words. Finally, he says, "What happened between us can never happen again... it was a mistake." His words hit you hard and you feel like someone has just stabbed you in the heart.

The words < It was a mistake > echo in your head, and you can't believe what you're hearing. Your mind is racing with all sorts of thoughts and feelings.

Mistake

You feel tears welling up in your eyes, your nose burning, and your mouth becoming dry. It's as if a flood of emotions has suddenly been unleashed, and you can't control it. You try to hold yourself together, but it's too late, and you break down in tears.

You look at him with a mix of confusion and hope as you try to decipher what he is trying to say. "I thought that...I thought that you finally reciprocated my feelings and that...we were making love" you stammer, your heart sinking as you realize the truth.

He looks down, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm so sorry, y/n. I was confused, and you were there to comfort me. I didn't understand anything anymore" he says, his words heavy with regret. "I'm not in love with you, y/n, but with Perrie"

You feel like the ground has opened up beneath you. It's like the world has stopped spinning and you are trapped in an endless moment of pain. You want to disappear, to run away from this unbearable situation, but you are frozen in place.

You sit there on his couch, tears streaming down your face, as the anger slowly grows more and more. How could he lead you on like this? How could he use you like that?

"How can you say that to me now? Tonight, you didn't think that way when you were inside me, huh?" you say with all the hatred your body could muster at that moment. You get up without waiting for his answer, your mind racing with a million thoughts.

You go towards the front door, slipping on your shoes, and taking your jacket from the coat hanger. The spring breeze kicks in, causing you to clench the fabric covering your shoulders. You slip your hand into your pocket, pulling out your car keys, which you shortly use to lead you toward your home, pulling up with your nose.

You feel lost and confused, your heart shattered into a million pieces. All you can do is cry and wonder how you will ever be able to trust anyone again.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Since that fateful night, two weeks have passed and that feeling of having been just an afterthought only invades your body, and it becomes even heavier when sitting on the couch eating ice cream, you get a notification after days of silence

| Chris: | Wassup ‘ma!! Where have you been? Nick and I miss you :(

As you read his message, it felt like the weight of the world had come crashing down on you. You were slowly sinking into an almost hysterical cry. It was because you had decided to completely cut off all relations with Matt. And, as a result, you had also cut off your two best friends since they lived with him.

You had thought about meeting them outside, but your appearance would have aroused several questions, and declaring that you had sex with their brother would have definitely not been the response you wanted to give.

You lowered your gaze to your belly and started caressing it while tears streamed down your face. The worst thing was when you realized that you were five days late for your period. You panicked and ran to the pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test, and it came back positive.

| You: | Hi, sorry I've been busy with several things... I miss you too <3

A few minutes later your phone lights up again

| Chris: | Did you hear?

A confused expression appears on your face at his question

| You: | Heard what?

Those seconds seem to last minutes, those minutes hours as your anxiety surges.

| Chris: | That moron of Matt got back together with Perrie

Crack

That's what your heart does for the umpteenth time as more tears are released from your eyes that have now turned red.

Out of frustration, you throw the phone across the couch, but it bounces causing it to fall to the floor.

C r a c k

''Fuck'' you pronounce as you stand up to see the distasteful accomplishment. You pick up the phone and see that the screen is half shattered but still working ''Fuck'' you whisper thinking how life is so unfair to you.

| Chris: | Are you still there?

You try to recover by taking a deep breath

| You: | Yeah... sorry but I'm tired, I'm going to go to sleep. I love you.

You cut the conversation short not wanting to know further details

| Chris: | goodnight Love yaa 2

You sit on the couch, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. You close your eyes, trying to control the tears that are forming in your eyes. You take a deep breath, but the feeling in your chest only intensifies. You can't take it anymore, and you know what you have to do. It's something you've done before and something that comes naturally to you - you leave.

You get up from the couch, with a heavy heart, and head to your room. You grab your computer, returning to your comfortable seat, and immediately type into the search engine < flight from LAX to Boston >. You skim through the options, and click on the first website you see, noting that the earliest flight is the next morning. Without thinking about it, you buy a one-way ticket and book the cab that would pick you up.

Immediately after making the transition, you get up and return to your room. You take a deep breath and look around. You know you have a lot to do before you leave. You walk towards your closet and take out your huge suitcase. You begin to stuff all your clothes inside, carefully folding them and making sure everything fits.

You know that this is not going to be easy, but you're determined to leave everything behind and start fresh.

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

Over the past two months, you have received numerous messages and phone calls that you haven't responded to. Even Matt has tried to get in touch with you, but you decided to change your phone number to avoid any contact.

When you arrived your parents were somewhat surprised but very happy to see you. You always had a beautiful relationship with them, especially with your mom, your best friend. Although with some fear, you explained the whole situation to her including that you were pregnant with Matt.

The decision to keep him/her is not yet final but you know you have two shoulders to count on and that no matter what, they are there for you.

Slowly your belly begins to become more noticeable, and with the arrival of summer, it is almost inevitable to miss it.

''Darling are you ready? MaryLou and Jimmy are waiting for us'' you hear your mother calling you from downstairs.

You look at yourself in the mirror trying to fix your shirt as best as you can, and to hide the small bump ''Yeah I'm coming'' you reply picking up your bag and then going down the stairs and closing the door behind you heading for the car ''Here I am'' you announce to your parents sitting in the front seats.

The Fourth of July has always been celebrated with the Sturniolo family, between barbeques, swimming in the pool, laughter, and the company of little dog Trevor you have only good memories in your mind.

This year you accepted only because you heard that the three boys would not be there due to several setbacks.

The drive between your homes is fortunately short because nausea begins to set in, and even more so when after stepping out of the car you are invaded by a very strong smell of barbeque.

Immediately having hugged MaryLou and Jimmy, you notice how the house is decorated from top to bottom ''Wow MaryLou you did a great job this year'' you tell her smiling ''Oh don't thank me but those three in the garden, rather go to them, we'll take care of this'' she replies pointing outside

< Are they here? All three of them? Weren't they supposed to be on the other side of the United States? What do I do? Do I run away? Do I stay here? What the fuck do I do? >

Your conscience does nothing but have question after question. You look at your mother for help but she is so busy helping her friend that you see yourself forced to give a big sigh and head for the garden followed by Trev.

''Oh my gosh y/n where the fuck have you been?'' Nick exclaims as he gets up from his chair coming toward you wrapping his arms around you ''Why did you fucking disappear? Literally no fucking messages or fucking calls'' he pulls away looking you in the eye concerned but all you do is stand silent.

Matt and Chris are also standing but neither of them seems to have any idea of moving from their position. Matt still regrets how he behaved while Chris is disappointed and angry at you.

He still doesn't understand how out of all the people you could erase from your life you chose to add him;

And it is true, in the last few years a wonderful friendship has grown between you where Chris sees you as a reference point when his brothers become too annoying, you were and, despite everything, you are his rock.

''Sorry'' is the only thing you can utter looking away so as not to meet their gazes.

''Only sorry can you say? You are so selfish! You thought only of yourself abandoning everyone, you abandoned me'' Chris pronounces in a harsh tone approaching you, doing nothing but bringing tears to your eyes

''Say something, speak the fuck up. What do you have to say for yourself?'' Chris continues waving his arms in different directions leading you to take a step back ''Chris please you're scaring her'' Nick says hitting him on the arm ''I don't fucking care, I want to know why'' the smaller one replies to him always looking at you.

The tension in the air is palpable, and you feel a sense of helplessness wash over you as you try to explain your actions.

At that point Matt couldn't stand that situation anymore ''It's me'' he exclaims making everyone turn their gazes in his direction ''What you?'' Chris asks confused ''I'm the reason she ran away'' he says lowering his gaze ''And what about you? What the fuck happened?’’ Nick asks as he sits waiting for someone to speak, but silence reigns among you as you hear your parents' voices in the distance.

''Me and y/n had sex the day Perrie dumped me'' Matt pronounces in a whisper, almost not making himself heard ''Speak up motherfucker'' Chris says putting even more agitation on you ''Oh Jesus Christ me and Matt had sex, but it was just a one-night stand for him, which it wasn't for me since I'm madly in love with him. I thought by getting away from him and consequently from you, I wouldn't suffer but I feel like shit about it and even more since I found out I'm preg- '' you say all in one breath freezing as you realize you've told your little secret.

The silence between you and your friends seems to last forever, as you try to process what just came out of your mouth. "Are you pregnant?" Matt asks, approaching you. You nod, almost instinctively, bringing your hand to your belly.

"Why did you keep it to yourself, y/n? You know we'll always be there for you" Chris says, his tone softening, almost as if your revelation made him forget the months that passed without any interaction from you.

You try to explain, "I don't know...I was scared and I still am now. Besides, knowing that Matt was back with Perrie made me feel bad, so I did the only thing I could do: go back home." You sit down next to Nick, feeling overwhelmed and vulnerable.

Matt then reveals that he and Perrie are no longer together, and Nick and Chris decide to leave the two of you alone. Matt takes a chair and places it in front of you, his tone calm but agitated at the same time. "I know what I told you that morning and what I'm about to tell you sounds like nonsense, but..." He takes a deep breath before continuing, "After you left that morning, I felt like shit. I shouldn't have treated you that way and I shouldn't have made you feel like just a spare tire."

He pauses for a moment before continuing, "That night kept resonating in my mind, and I thought that getting back with Perrie would make me my old self again, but I couldn't. And I can't get your name out of my mind. I feel that these feelings I've always had I tried to bury and deny myself...but fuck y/n, I'm in love with you." His words enter your brain like a hypnotic spell, leaving you stunned and speechless.

''I was really hurt about it Matt...all these years hoping that one day you would look at me with different eyes but you only had them for other girls, to you I was just your best friend...'' you confess looking into his eyes

‘' I'm really sorry, if I could go back I would tell the me of 14 years to go to you and not to be afraid to say how I feel'' he says taking your hand in his while with the other he caresses your cheek

''I hate myself for making you feel this way all these years'' Matt says in a whisper, shifting his gaze from your eyes to your mouth.

''A little bit too but I love you so much'' you say making your lips meet in a passionate embrace, a rush of emotions floods over both of you. The weight of past regrets and missed opportunities seems to dissipate in that single moment. The tenderness in Matt's touch and the sincerity in his words have touched a deep part of your heart.

With your hands still intertwined, you take a deep breath, ready to embrace the future together, knowing that your love is strong enough to overcome any obstacles that may come your way.

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#matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #nick sturniolo #nick sturniolo x reader #romantic #romance #space matt #one shot

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