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markantonys · 2 years

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acos prologue-chapter 19: i read the whole first half of the book during a trip this weekend so i’m sure i’ve forgotten a bunch of stuff i wanted to note, but i did go back and skim through to jog my memory and i think i have all the most important things

giant ass wheel of time prologues my detested. i want to see RAND! pedron niall’s assassination was pretty wild tho, did not see that coming! might be starting to see why the show gave valda such a prominent intro? up to now i’d been wondering about that since he hasn’t seemed too important. overall the book whitecloaks feel like more of a nuisance and waste of page-time than an actual threat, so i think the show did a much better job making them feel like real antagonists.

it’s also interesting bc coming to the books as a show-first person, what with the way whitecloaks were presented to me initially, so far galad becoming a whitecloak feels WAY worse than anything gawyn (who we also see in the prologue) has done yet. i’m committed to keeping gawyn as my problematic fav now, hope he doesn’t do something truly heinous that’ll make me have to admit i was wrong jkdfg i can forgive his choices at the tower coup and dumai’s wells and his hatred of rand bc he’s doing the best he can with the extremely limited and mostly incorrect information that’s available to him (the difficulties and unreliability of info-spreading in a pre-modern-technology (or technically post-) society is becoming a growing issue which is fascinating at times and infuriating at others, but always an incredibly realistic worldbuilding detail that i don’t recall seeing many other similarly low-tech fantasy books including) anyway, i’m weeping over gawyn’s looking glass having an inscription from his mom. also over him reflecting on how quickly real war ripped away the ideals he was always taught about fighting honorably.

“[perrin] would have expected the other aes sedai to comfort [the ones who were stilled in the battle], care for them somehow, but most ignored the three entirely” agreed perrin! i remember being really struck by how cold all the aes sedai were to siuan and leane when they were stilled and then how warm again suddenly after nynaeve healed them. not a surprising attitude for aes sedai, but shitty nonetheless.

“rand could [channel], of course, but he was rand, and the dragon reborn besides. [the asha’man] made perrin’s hackles rise” aww perrin lowkey admitted he’s not afraid of rand :’) what a sad state of things that i’m touched by that lmao

and perrin counting “they had kidnapped rand, mistreated him” as a reason why he doesn’t like aes sedai :’)

“the dragon reborn, who made the world tremble, sitting on the ground, alone in the dark, his arms wrapped around himself, rocking back and forth” almost started crying on the bus there, thanks for that

“[rand] had on a coat rooted out of the wagons...it was the only garment in the camp to fit him. truth, you would have thought he insisted on silk and fine embroidery, the way he had had those wagons searched top to bottom, yesterday and this morning” gee perrin i wonder why rand was so desperate to change out of the clothes he was kidnapped and tortured in for weeks? rand is literally so traumatized and literally no one even THINKS to think that he might be!

more problems await rand in cairhien. is it too much to ask that he be given enough time for a bath and a nap after everything he’s been through? goddamn

again perrin smells jealousy and hurt from faile when berelain comes up, and again understands the jealousy but not the hurt. he really just keeps going “why does the thought of me being interested in someone else make my wife feel hurt? what does it mean?” perrin has to take the crown of Worst With Women out of the 3 boys, which is ironic since he’s the only one in a long-term relationship with one. dumbassery by perrin, but more dumbassery by faile to not see how obviously uninterested and flat-out UNCOMFORTABLE perrin is with berelain and to not believe perrin when he keeps telling her he loves no one but her. jealousy is probably my #1 most hated romantic conflict in fiction (and probably also my #1 biggest turnoff in a hypothetical real-life partner) so i can tell i’m not going to have a good time with this plotline.

rand includes mat in the very short list of people he can trust. thinking about “friend” (in the context of lews therin being his only friend in the box) triggers some hallucinatory (?) flickers of color and motion that make him think of mat (and perrin). cauthor crumbs!

“no. he was not in the chest anymore. his fingers ached, clenched around scepter and hilt. only memories remained, and memories had no force. he was not-” rand!!! is so!!! traumatized!!!! and no one notices!!!!!!!

“when sulin stepped around in front of rand, she took one look at his face, and her breath caught. ‘they did this to you,’ she said softly, and reached for her heavy-bladed belt knife.” when rand gets panicky just from the darkness when he pulls his hood up, “sulin’s hand moved. it took him a moment to realize she was stroking his arm.” okay SULIN notices, thank god!! if nobody’s got rand i know sulin’s got him

“‘what woman could i hate enough to marry her to the dragon reborn?’ rand said coldly. that caused a silence solid enough to touch.” first of all, heartbreaking, second of all, i did laugh a little at bael and bashere and their wives all joking around about marriage and rand just drops the biggest debbie downer line in the world on them and kills, nay, MURDERS the mood

rand thinks, in quick succession, that he needs elayne, that he “doesn’t” (does) need aviendha, and that he needs mat. #PutMatInThePolycule

fat little man angreal my beloved is missing! no!! rand better get that little guy back or else! i don’t even care about him needing it for channeling, i just think it’s neat. fat little man angreal is my friend.

rand thinking of all his problems as juggling. “thom merrilin had taught him to juggle a little, but he had never been very good.” sounds like rand needs the pro juggler, mat cauthon, by his side to help him deal with everything.

“it was not of sammael or illian that he thought. bring elayne quickly, mat. it ran wild in his head.” matrandlayne crumbs!

“one hour, and [egwene] could straighten everything out. underneath, he was still rand.” aww egwene ❤️ it’s nice to see that all the emond’s fielders do still, to some extent, see rand and not just the dragon reborn. now if only they would make that clear to him to help him feel less isolated.............

“‘he doesn’t think he needs anyone.’ rand would go on thinking he could handle anything by himself right up until one of those anythings crushed him.” 1) pot and kettle, egwene 2) it hurts so much to see rand in his pov constantly thinking “i have to do this by myself because i’m the only one who can/because i don’t want other people to get hurt by having to do it/because i’m too traumatized to trust anyone but myself” but then from exterior povs it comes off as him refusing to ask for help because he’s overconfident and too proud and stubborn. aaaaaahhhh!!!

loving the parallels with rand and egwene in this book. both finding themselves with a million problems to juggle that (they think) no one but they can solve, both overwhelmed and lonely and scared and not sure who they can trust, but pushing through to try and do it all on their own because they must. “there was no rest in it, but it must be done. she would do what must be done.” like that could’ve come straight from a rand pov chapter!

theodrin is DEFINITELY mesaana. same tic of tapping her lips while thinking.

“mat had a reputation as a soldier?...[egwene] had believed he commanded only because of rand” jdkfjg EVERYONE thinks mat is just rand’s trophy husband. this + “of course you’re dragonsworn, you do whatever rand tells you” in the last book, egwene 100% thinks they’re fucking

egwene knows in her head that bonding a warder without his consent is bad, but thinks she and nynaeve might do the same to gawyn and lan if they were to turn them down?? girl???? what the fuck???????

awwww moiraine wanted myrelle to pass lan’s bond on to nynaeve ❤️❤️

halima is definitely giving egwene these headaches on purpose and then offering the cure as a way to worm her way into egwene’s trust. sometimes i wish there was a bit less of “revealing to the audience that a character is evil, but not to the other characters” i love a bit of dramatic irony but at this point it’s starting to become stressful and frustrating how many people i KNOW are evil that none of the other characters have unmasked yet (and i honestly can’t even keep track of which whitecloak was it who’s the darkfriend, which aes sedai, etc. lmao it would be easier on me in all respects if i was kept in the dark as long as the characters were)

our first aviendha pov (aside from like 4 paragraphs in the last book) yes!!!! i am so excited!!!! i’ve been hoping to unlock aviendha pov for ages! i love seeing how her aiel mind thinks about things in such different ways than the wetlander povs, like water and boats and propriety and clothing and relationships and honor and shame. aviendha vs. boats is so CUTE

“in a way, however important their search, that was like putting something before clan or society, yet aviendha felt pride. elayne’s view of honor was peculiar at times...but she followed it admirably” proud girlfriend! ❤️❤️

ooh interesting to finally see why aiel always call everyone by first and last name - aviendha thinks that only calling someone by half their name feels too intimate, “like using a honey-name.” if we don’t get a version of the godtier “character a who never calls character b by their first name does so for the first time in an emotional moment after character b almost dies” trope for aviendha and rand, i will fucking riot

“aviendha did not approve [of elayne’s dress]. the upper half of the dress, the bodice, fitted as snugly as that necklace, and a missing narrow oval of cloth revealed the inner slopes of her breasts” aviendha is shook by The Titties

no but while i like the clothing descriptions, i’m tired of how EVERY SINGLE woman’s outfit is ALWAYS described in terms of how revealing it is or isn’t. either describe women’s clothes without that aspect or, better yet, describe men’s clothes WITH it. if you’re gonna tell me how elayne’s boobs look in tight dresses, i also want to know how mat’s ass looks in tight pants. THAT is true equality!

“she and elayne had not reached the point of adopting each other as first-sisters yet, but she was sure they would, now. already they brushed each other’s hair, and every night in the dark shared another secret never told to anyone else.” LADIES................ 1) i specifically remember that earlier a maiden suggested that rand offer to brush aviendha’s hair as a way of getting her interest romantically, so the fact that aviendha and elayne are brushing each other’s hair 👀 2) what secrets never told to anyone else are they sharing every night, in the dark, alone, when it is dark, at night? 👀👀 3) much as i love this, when last we left aviendha she was saying she and elayne weren’t ready to become first-sisters yet, but now suddenly she thinks they’re almost there. “relationship development happening offscreen between books” is one of rj’s favorite tricks and i don’t like it one bit. 4) imagine a Put Mat In The Polycule version of this where mat is hanging out with aviendha and elayne brushing each other’s hair and fucking sharing secrets and talking about rand (as elayne mentions later) 🥺🥰

aviendha thinking about how ready she is to be elayne’s first-sister (and by extent sister-wife) and then thinking “this min woman, though............” (and min’s similar thought later about sharing rand with elayne and “this aviendha woman she had yet to meet”) just drives home how much min does not fit naturally into the polycule. min was close with elayne in book 2 (and most of that was relationship development that happened offscreen before the book) but they’ve only had a couple scenes since then, and she’s never met aviendha at all. meanwhile elayne/aviendha are as connected with each other as they are with rand, and while we’re at it, mat is connected with all 3 of them more strongly than min is. he’s a better and more natural fourth goddammit!!!!

aviendha is the first to advocate for asking mat to help them find the bowl rather than avoiding him 🥰 and when nynaeve insults him elayne says “oh do be quiet nynaeve” 🥰

“‘maybe,’ birgitte murmured, ‘you had mat the scoundrel set so hard in your mind, you couldn’t see he had any use.’ elayne gave her a cool stare, chin raised, then abruptly grimaced, and nodded reluctantly. she did not accept criticism easily.” awww elayne acknowledging she’s judged mat unfairly 🥰 also i really feel like nynaeve and egwene have influenced elayne’s opinion of mat HARD, like they’re her bffs and they spend so much time talking about what an irresponsible scoundrel he is that of course elayne comes to believe the same thing. it often feels like she’s mostly just parroting what they say about mat, esp since i feel like mat hasn’t done anything THAT scoundrel-y in front of elayne so far.

“he needs to be made fit for decent company” is elayne planning to My Fair Lady mat? ........that would be a hilarious fic actually, someone please write that

awwww elayne is being so sweet about aviendha’s fear of boats and water, giving her advice for dealing with it while phrasing it like she’s talking about herself so as not to embarrass aviendha 🥺🥰

“[aviendha] complained to amys and bair that she must be ill because she felt as though rand al’thor was carrying some part of her around with him” BABY 🥺🥺😭😭

“most would have thought [elayne] quite calm, but aviendha knew the signs” aviendha knows her girlfriend!

proud dad mat betting all his money on olver in the horse race! anxious dad mat being worried about olver getting hurt in the race!

“not that [the women] had spoken twenty words to [mat] since arriving in the bloody city!” mat is so desperate for his besties’ attention bless him

“as far as [mat] was concerned, [aviendha] could knife whoever she wanted so long as it was not elayne” supportive brother-husband of aviendha and protective husband of elayne 😌

mat having a flashback to the cauthor roadtrip 😭😭😭😭 and not just any part of it, but the part when rand was sick and mat took care of him (tho the flashback is only focused on the darkfriend lady), which might just be my #1 favorite part!

dagger-influenced mat in the flashback “he wondered why he had ever trusted. it never paid. never.” and lews-therin-influenced rand earlier in the book “to trust was to be betrayed; trust was pain” they need each other so bad!! goddammit!!

mat going “nynaeve needs to be taken down a peg but i’m not gonna let anyone else talk shit about her!” they’re besties your honor!!!

i feel like mat is suddenly being 20x hornier and more women-objectifying-y than he ever was in previous books, and i feel like this is being done so that The Thing That Happens To Him Later In This Book can be framed as comeuppance, which is absolute bs!!!!

speaking of That Thing, this chapter has mat’s first meeting with tylin and it’s horrible! he spends the whole time uncomfortable and stressed out and feeling trapped and having his personal space invaded. “the writing table behind his back rattled against the wall as he tried to back away. the only way out was to push her aside or climb over her skirts...she smiled, a faint curl of her lips that did not lessen the predatory glint in her eyes. the hair on his head tried to stand up.” i hate it!!!!! elayne please make a gateway and send mat back to caemlyn stat!!!

mat feels like a rabbit being chased by an eagle. i feel as though we’re supposed to think “ha, how the turn tables from when mat was the eagle chasing all those women” except it was clearly established MULTIPLE times in previous books that mat only chases women who enjoy it as much as he does. and actually, his only previous significant relationship (melindhra) was also him as the rabbit to her eagle, not just bc she was a darkfriend and tried to kill him, but even before that he was often uncomfortable around her and wishing he could figure out a way to end the relationship without her forcing him to stay or getting mad at him or hurting him. mat deserves better yet from spoilers i know he’s only going to receive worse 😤

the dice have been rolling for a couple chapters now and i am so scared to see when they’ll stop

random thought but i LOVE taraboner syntax and speech patterns

rand is also suddenly being hornier and more women-objectifying-y than usual (“he enjoyed looking at [berelain] too much” literally since when????) but at least it seems like this might be a symptom of lews therin being horny in his head and not actually rand’s own thoughts

if cadsuane is so important and legendary among aes sedai, why have we never heard one mention of her in a previous book? at least that i can recall. she’s funny so far but it just feels like she came out of absolutely nowhere, usually a character who’s allegedly THIS important would’ve at least been hinted at before being abruptly dropped into the story

rand is starting to question whether lews therin is real or just madness, interesting. i would also like the answer to that!

“mad or not, alone or not, there was no one else to do what had to be done. not even this small duty. heavier than a mountain.” 😭😭😭😭

our first few sentences of min pov this book are her thinking about how she hates high-heeled boots but is wearing them because she thinks rand likes them 🙄 day 89475 of waiting for min to find the dignity and self-respect she had at the beginning of the series

“she had long since reconciled herself to being hopelessly in love [with rand]. nothing else mattered, not that he was an unsophisticated countryman, younger than she, not who or what he was, not that he was doomed to go mad and die if he was not killed first.” min spends so much time thinking about all the reasons why she shouldn’t love rand and none about the reasons why she does. day 9348958 of waiting for min to give one (1) reason why she loves rand, besides that he’s handsome and that fate said she had to. and on rand’s part, the only reason he’s really given so far is that he feels safe with min, which is sweet, but not really enough to convince me of strong romantic love. it feels more like a sense of platonic comfort and friendship than of attraction or romantic feelings. plus, it almost feels like he’s just latching onto min bc he’s so desperately lonely and affection-starved and she is literally the only friend he has nearby atm, aside from perrin who we’ve seen is kinda wary of him now

min is unhappy with sharing rand with elayne and aviendha but has accepted she has no choice. i’ve said it before but have to repeat, i just hate so much the way this whole thing was done! it feels like poor min and elayne are both miserable with the arrangement, while aviendha is ok with sharing with elayne but not with min. i would love to see avilayne date in the show (and we’re all thinking they probably will) and possibly one or both date min as well, but honestly i would be completely fine with them keeping “rand has 3 gfs and they each only have him” if they just made it so that all 4 of them are actually HAPPY with the arrangement and do it because they want to, not because min said fate said they had to. like, the aiel are already there to introduce the concept of polyamory to rand/elayne/min, they don’t also need Fate Said So motivating them to do this. i feel like the books made it so that the concept of polyamory is so completely alien and distasteful to min and elayne that Fate Said So was the only way to force them into it, which sucks and is yet another symptom of the main characters’ extreme sexual repression (which the show has thankfully done away with, and nynaeve in s1 was surprised by polyamory but had no problem with it, so i’m hoping the randwich formation will benefit from this change in attitude)

min and rand have now officially fucked, but my opinion of the ship still hasn’t changed. also, what is WITH the non-consensual undertones of rand’s 2 sex scenes? with aviendha i remember him thinking something like “he couldn’t have stopped her even if he’d wanted to” and now min’s is so much worse: “[while rand is protesting that he can’t do this with her] seizing two handfuls of his hair, she pulled his mouth back down, and after a little while, he stopped fighting...if he even tried to stop now, she was going to fetch one of riallin’s spears, all of them, and stab him.” is that supposed to feel sexy? is that supposed to feel romantic? bc it doesn’t!! especially given that this is happening while rand is in a really emotionally vulnerable state after cadsuane’s visit and the news of fel’s and colavaere’s deaths which he views as his fault. A Crown of Swords more like A Crown of Consent Issues

i haven’t yet returned to rand’s pov, will be interested to see his thoughts on this development

#wot #wot book spoilers

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khaleesiofalicante · 1 year

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Damn I feel like it's been forever for some reason lmao. Last week's hell is finally over and I get to relax this week! I'm going out with some friends on Friday and I've also cleared my phone and organized my notes!!! It feels so good😭 Now I have some thoughts about last chapter BECAUSE WOW

First of all fuck Mallory, I hate her and I will never get tired of saying this and I am now divided between wanting to read the next chapter so bad and dreading it with my whole being 🙂

My heart broke into a million pieces with the first part!!! Rafael's fear for Max is shown so damn well and Max's thoughts are messy and all over the place and the way you can see him moving in and out of reality is overwhelming!!

I kinda guessed the "why isn't he smiling?" part but fuck if it ripped my heart 😭😭

"Tears of grief" Max loving him so much he literally recognizes his tears and knows these ones too.... And saying he looks as if he is grieving something that was his everything, not knowing David was grieving him. Grieving them. The life they had built. Gone.

"I wanna see daddy" WHEN I TELL YOU I WAS SCREAMING INTERNALLY ON MY FLOOR!! When we first saw on the first chapters I was so confused and now that the dots connected I am in pain 😭. And you wrote that scene so beautifully, their pain and horror and how you see Max slowly losing himself because it's just too much. The pain is too much. Losing David, Lance's pain, his job, his home...

And the scene with Magnus!!! GOING TO MY FAVE COLLECTION 🥺. Also him giving the band to AJ later, because Magnus said he could give it to someone else when it hurt just a little bit less HOLY SHIT😭😭

I can go on a three hour analysis so Imma stop jdhdjdjkd. BUT THE PRESENT TOO JFC

Max's growth. That ends me everytime. Seeing how much he has changed and how he survived through all of this. Thinking of the was Alec told him how proud he is of Max because he made it. Not the way he planned. But he did it. He got so far, and that took so much strength but he still survived. Same Alec, same🥹

But also the fucking parallel:

"He was careful now (...) Just in case. Just in case he'll get his heart broken all over again."

///

Not without an explanation. Not without getting his heart broken into a million pieces one last time.

Then, just like everything else in life, things slowly got better. This whole fic is a prove of it and I can't even-

YES LANCE CALL HIS IDIOTIC SELF OUT!!! TELL HIM DAVID LOVES HIM MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF!!! I WILL NEVER GET TIRED IF HIS SASS BTW

You once said that tlnd was was about acceptance and healing, but IALS is about forgiveness, about learning to forgive the people we love, but mostly about learning to forgive ourselves (I have the receipts don't @ me) and this scene portrayed that so well. Even though Max knows it wasn't his fault he still blames himself. Because knowing is not the same as accepting it. As Max said, shit is hard to internalize.

THIS GOES TO MY TOP 10😭😭 LANCE AND MAX TALKING TO EACH OTHER IS EVERYTHING I KNEW I NEEDED FROM THE VERY START I AM SO EMOTIONAL!!! Also Lance and Max's detective skills together??? ✨ Iconic✨

Tell me how to love you as you want to be loved and I'll do it to give you the comfort and safety you deserve is something I'll never get tired of😭😭 istg I could go on a whole speech about this part because it's so true. Sometimes parents don't love us the way we want to be loved, but that doesn't mean there's no love there. It's just different of what we expect. And sometimes people go their whole lives not knowing of that love and that's just sad.

That is one unproblematic child,” Max noted. “Really doesn’t fit into this clusterfuck of a family.”

“I’m waiting for him to set Hollywood on fire,” Lance informed. “Don’t lose hope yet.”

HOLY SHIT I JUST REALIZED I'M THE ARTHUR OF MY FAMILY. WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE???

I have so many feeling about that apartment and Harry and them but I will not unpack them bc this shit is already long enough 🙂

Their conversation. The way they've both changed so much. Talking about how they wished they were there for Lance and for each other. I was in TEARS

Everything of the last scene was *screams internally* David fucking pushing Max to the wall, stronger than hate. "He's scared of something". Fucking Mon ange, *what did Mallory do to you?"

I just want you to know I will combust into confetti or tears in the next chapter. Probably both...

Anyway this turned long and I better go. Take care and drink lots of tea!!!!

💙.💙.💙.

This made me so 😇😇😇😇 and gave me some motivation to write the next chapter 😭😭😭😭 Thank you 💚💚💚

This is Lance sleeping in Arthur’s room 🥰🥰🥰

#he cuddles all the plushies we have proof 🥰🥰🥰#IALS

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sadhorsegirl · 7 months

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been more quiet on here for season 2 bc a) im drastically more employed this time around (rip) b) it felt like so much of my opinion of events in this season were going to hinge upon where everything landed in the finale.

tbh i also ended up being p critical of certain elements this season and didn't feel like spoiling anybody's fun while the show was still airing new episodes. a lot of my opinions of this season were shaped by the fact that i started reading the books. i am a firm believer in allowing for necessary changes when making an adaptation and allowing it to evolve into its own thing so it also felt kind of shitty to be like. she (the books) wouldn't say that!!!! lol

anyways lol i've decided to make a little list of things i enjoyed, things i thought were mid, and things i actively disliked this season

LIKED:

a) new mat! i thought his performance was really strong and just about everything they did with him this season made me appropriately sad. bonus points for making his dynamic with min reading like a frat boy and a begrudging grad student going on a bar crawl together as "repayment" for tutoring lol

b) elayne! again i thought ceara coveny did a really good job and i liked how she fit into relationships with the other characters.

c) nynaeve and the liandrin of it all! nynaeve's arc this season was one of the strongest this season imo, and i think using liandrin to discuss the culture of abuse present in the tower was smart.

d) egwene and madeleine madden!! emmy campaign begins now!!! episode 6 was one of my favorite episodes of the season in large part due to her performance. the damane arc is truly harrowing stuff and the entire creative team handled it pretty well

c) moiraine telling lan that he was always her better in the finale!!! insanely unfortunate that this is pretty much my only Moiraine Moment without major qualms this season!!!!!!!!!!!!

d) the forsaken! their business casual swag had me laughing every time. could not stop myself from shouting w at the tv screen when mogehdien showed up at the very end

e) the ef5 reuniting in the finale! im totally fine with how this changes the ending in the books. sure i missed the giant fire battle in the sky but i gained all the besties going squad mode+elayne not introducing herself with her royal title to rand lol

MID:

a) lan and moiraine bestie devastation battle - i didn't outright hate all of this from the start like some people have but i def think this ended up severely fumbled in terms of execution. one of my fav moments in the books so far has been their fight in the second one where she basically says the most upsetting shit possible to upset him to get him to admit that he has found a new connection that could lead to an actual life (aka nynaeve) and he calls her on it but still gets upset and proves her point anyway! would have preferred moiraine went even more jigsaw emotional torture trap this season tbh

b) nynaeve's accepted test - mostly liked, felt like they didn't quite hit the right tone of dread these tests achieve in the books. its not completely a "i dreamed up a family that isn't real and now i have to abandon them" thing for me and more about how they don't understand why you have to leave them and beg you to stay. feel like this could have been more emotionally powerful

c) verin - meera syal obviously a very talented actress and she did grow on me as the season went on but i feel like she was almost TOO charismatic in a way. wanted her to be a little colder/wryer? she could definitely be charming in the books but i always felt like a lot of her power socially came from getting people to underestimate her by acting like a distracted and disconnected weirdo only to go in for the kill. missed this a bit this season

DISLIKED:

a) literally pains me to say it but.....moiraine's arc this season really didn't hit for me...felt kind of unfocused....wished she had been even more brutal in her pursuit....liked the start of her washerwoman era but it didn't really end up liking much of what came after......poor execution of what could have been a really interesting exploration of both her backstory and the way she would have to change the way she operates without the one power.....etc etc

b) cairhien :( could and probably will make a whole separate post about this but the design principles at play here were Not It for me at all. rococo? rococo bro? also don't like the way its political elements and lore were communicated which leads me right to......

c) house damodred/laman. major book spoilers ahead but thought it was a complete misfire to hold off on explaining laman's whole deal and moiraine's connection to it presumably until next season to parallel it with the aiel. cairhien is inherently shaped by the aiel war and moiraine is made a far more compelling character when u learn about her relationship to it thru her family. i thought the switch in birth order was interesting but basically every other change or delay in her backstory was a flop for me. her whole connection to trying to undo the sins of her own family makes her drive to save the world way more interesting!!! was hoping the show would take the time to expand on her relationship with elayne not (at this point seemingly) erase it. are u telling me i don't get galad now? be serious?

d) moiraine and lan's suicide conversation in episode 7. felt awkward and nearly too direct without acknowledging the fact that moiraine's dedication to The Work above all else is in some ways defacto suicidal

c) episode 7

d) siuan :((((((((((((( i get that we didn't have sophie around as much as she needed to be this season bc of contracts to other shows and stuff but man did we mismanage the time we did get with her lads....will prob also make a separate post about this as well but i do want to say that while i think her and moiraine having a major split over what to do with rand could have been interesting i think the execution is really REALLY poor here. think that confrontation would have been more emotionally powerful if they were just appealing to each other and the fourth oath wasn't used. wish people had been gossiping about what she was up to off screen so we had more context for her actions this whole season generally. L's all the way around

e) episode 7. again.

f) thought it was fucked that when lan and moiraine reestablished the bond again neither of them even brought up how he has to share any heartbreak she has over siuan now. another miss for full emotional impact

g) episode 7. AGAIN.

#just my little opinions don't mind me just me and my little opinions!!#i think i got everything down lol but there was a lot that i had to think/say about this season #might turn into an even longer winded ramble to get through it all #sucks that they kind of undercut my emotional investment in the show entirely sucks that it will impact how i feel about it while waiting #for season 3 #no im not sure if the compulsion theory will fix things #wheel of time #wot season 2 spoilers #wot book spoilers #mostly tagging it for myself so i can find this post later but also tagging spoilers just in case

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so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed · 1 year

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Listening to FitF in a hotel room in Spain while on a workation with my boss. Have some thoughts:

The Greatest: good vibes. I wish Spotify showed lyrics so I could read along. Has me tapping my feet. Life for us is never over line at the end of the chorus hits different. Is gonna be great live

Written All Over Your Face: immediate pop punk vibes. Already I'm like yes, but also, this album better have some damn painful songs too or I'll riot. Love the little bit in the middle where the line keeps going down in pitch

Bigger Than Me: after the other songs I've heard so far, don't know why this was chosen as the lead single. It's good, but it has less oompf. Was likely chosen bc it's less of a change from Walls than the rest. So i lied, i do know. It's good but like. The feel of fries at a buffet. A solid, safe choice but not the most exciting thing

Lucky Again: i see how hard you've worked to be yourself -- harry anyone. Also, isn't this one of the songs that leaked?? That people said wasn't on the album? But i figured it out and i made my way back to a life i would choose 💯 I feel this needs to be louder than it is to get the attention it deserves

Face The Music: start reminds me of another song. I need lyrics because i need to pay attention. I don't wanna face the music but i still wanna dance with you is so 🥹 love his inflection on dance. So far, Louis has yet to rip my heart out but he makes me want to dance and sing along at a show

Chicago: this feels very Zouis to me. Also how do I send just because it didn't work doesn't mean it's meaningless to me to my ex without sending it to my ex?

All This Time: love the softness in his voice in this. Dreamy ethereal vibes. Sometimes i lose my home --- cries in larry. The me in first verse vs you in second verse, because they're the same, love that. Sometimes i lose your home -- cries in larry some more. The friends we make the love we take it's worth the pain, it's worth it all this time, yes. Love.

Out Of My System: fuck this song for not being longer. Makes me want to headbang and jump around even when i know my body will NOT let me. This song needs to not be played on my phone in a hotel room where I'm mindful of volume. I want to go feral.

Headline: wistful, very, i am sad this ended but i know it's not my fault. Mature. Guess i never thought we'd have the shortest forever -- gorgeous line

Saturdays: i heard this song was gonna hurt? I can tell it will from the first line. Hello Louis i love you. The trainers line is amazing. This gives a bit of change(s) 2.0 vibes? A shadow of you sticks me to the carpet is such vivid imagery. His voice in this is sooo good. My heart might be broken but i won't be broken down hurts even reading it on azlyrics, i am not emotionally ready to hear it but i love suffering. Did not expect the beat to drop but it fits so well. Definitely a song to cry to while you're dancing. Somehow the my heart might be broken line sounds so fucking comforting. The last pain is amazing

Silver Tongues: this is like. Yes. Feral 2.0 i am gonna scream. Love is loud. This is what being in love is like on the best days. Vibrant. Sunshine. The high notes in this song are like impressively high and I'm so happy he has the confidence to write them into his songs.

She Is Beauty, We Are Worldclass: this sounds like the feeling of being high. Gives me are we human or are we dancer vibes? Existential questions you have when you're so drunk or high you can't feel your fingertips and everything is hazy. Surrounded by lights sounds like surrounded by lies and I feel that is intentional

Common People: the theme of I'm just like you, you're just a copy of a copy of a copy.. there are thoughts happening but i am not eloquent enough to put them into words. Song doesn't grab me by the balls the way others have. It's just sort of like gentle waves lapping at the shore. Nice but forgettable at first listen

Angels Fly: you'll be okay we can talk tomorrow, I'm on my way with some time to borrow. I feel so safe with him. I want to be his friend. Idk how he came up with the angels fly lyric and i don't think i get what he means but i understand it nonetheless. It's less forgettable than Common People at first listen but definitely a song I need to listen to more to get into it -- oh wait nevermind the bridge just hit yes thanks this song needed that desperately. This will sound great live. I definitely understand what he meant when he said he wrote this album for tour

Holding On To Heartache: i called you twice but then regretted it, that's a mood. The question of where it all went wrong. Yes. But also I need this song to give me more? It's mellowed pain? I need it to cut me to my core. Ah yes, thanks for bringing it on the bridge. To be honest I'm not easy on myself -- this is the pain I wanted. The last love deserves a grammy

That's The Way Love Goes: his voice has grown so much. Somehow the album is so much softer than I expected? So many of these mellow or quieter songs. Louis has this gift of making me love a song because of one specific inflection on a word. This song builds beautifully and is going to work well in a tour, with everyone singing, imagining it now gives me goosebumps. I want to listen to this with friends, hugging them and swaying.

#fitf spoilers #fitf #just some dumb liveblog of thoughts i sent bells and decided to post

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bootlegfrank · 8 months

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Noooooo tell me why bullets is your favorite!!!!! It won’t bore me at all:) you never do! The more you write the better I always get excited when your responses are on the lengthier side. You know it’s funny, my favorite mcr album was always danger days HAHA you with bullets as a fave and me with danger days CUTEEEEEEE. I WAS RIGHTTTT the fit was awesome if you were at my show I would’ve seen you and been eyeing you up heh WAIT DO YOU MEAN THE BLACK PARADE SHIRT LIKE THEEEE ONE THATS BLACK? THE CLASSIC ONE? BC IF SO THATS LITERALLY THE SHIRT I WORE LMAO STOP IT RN AKAKWJSHDHXHXH we’re so cute I’m crying my whole fit wassssss my Black Parade shirt, my fave (and only valid) pair of black jeans with rips in them, my docs, my fake leather jacket (rip it’s my og one I can’t wear it anymore), a choker, and for my makeup I did Frank’s revenge makeup>:))))) OOOO and for my merch I got the aforementioned Mikey fuckin way shirt, the one that’s the reunion version of the revenge cover, and the boyzone shirt IM SAD I DIDNT GET THE PORNSTAR ONE:’((((((( I bet it looks good asf on you though:) I STILL WANT A MYSTERY SHIRT TOO IM SO EMO THEY SOLD OUT:’(((( oh trust me I was dancing and shouting and screaming at my seat HAHAHA I bring pit level energy no matter where I am at shows. The people around me however… don’t and they’re laaaaaaameeeeeee HAHAHA YOU COMING FOR US AMERICANS STOPPPPPPPPPPPP HEHEHEHE you guys had an awesome setlist thoughhhhhhhh OMG SAME how you feel about na na na live was me with WTTBP. I skip that one a lot but getting to sing that with them live ohhhh I lost it I was crying NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT MCR!!!!!!! OOOO I love Trixie and Katya too!!!! NO OMG IVE NEVER SEEN THOSE VIDEOSSSSS do you have any links hehe

I DO KNOW YOU WELL^.^ you having the same personality type oh mannnnnnn OH YEAH your one post where you said you didn’t know who Joe Rogan was had me shook hahahaha I may haveeeeeeee started to watch Hannibal bc of our convo AKQKQKQJSUSYDYDYDUF I tried to watch it many years ago but gave up 10 minutes in. Now that I’ve seen some of it IM SEEING THE YOU AS HANNIBAL SHIT EVEN MORE OMFG. He is SO unfazed by everything and obviously into dark shit omg there was this one scene where he pricks his own finger and then licks the blood. If you’re him I’m definitely Will haha I’ve never told you this but I’mmmmm squeamish and watching this is reminding me just how fucking squeamish I am. You would have no reaction to any this meanwhile I’m being like WTF OMFG EWWWWW *insert horrified look* *insert me slapping my hand over my mouth* *insert me with wide eyes* HANNIBAL (the dude) IS WILDINGGGGGGGGGGGGGG it’s so shocking such an intense show the amount of times I’ve said what the fuck tonight HAHAHA

You definitely would abuse that information hehehehehe yeah? You like the nervous laugh thing? oh how I wish you could see me reading your responses. I nervous laugh SO much. I screamed into my pillow at something you said recently hehe you chuckling at me like that………..not in a mean way but bc you find the reactions cute….I’ve thought of this before I love it akajsjshdhdhcjcjdcj you chuckling like that at me is attractive as fuck

OMG you haven’t even heard of the horse cards WHATTTTTT I thought maybe that meant they were just American or something but NOPE I actually found the company that translated the cards into Dutch LOL that’s fascinating I didn’t realize they were so far reaching!!!! So cool. I didn’t actually trade them myself haha I just collected them (though I was way more of a Pokémon card kid). I looked up the Schleich horses they look nice!!! Really detailed and intricate. I also looked up your favorite horse breed hehehehe it’s cuteeeeeee “halefjar” me hearing the foreign language words like 👀 “Horses can feel it when you're scared” OH MAN IM FUCKED I hope you can get back into it!!!! And own your own Fjord horse heh time to start manifesting again AWE YES US HORSEBACK RIDING TOGETHER!!! I would feel much more at ease with you by my side^.^ AND THE CHEEK KISSES AH ALAKSKDJDJDJDJDJDJDJ OMG THE BIRDWATCHING BOOK THATS SO COOL what local bird is your favorite??? For me, my favorite are parrots:) specifically cockatoos but I like all parrots hehe NOOO I don’t currently have a cat:( I wishhhhh omg I have to ask….were you a warrior cats kid?

NO WAY you imagine taking my face into your hands too????? Agh you’re skwkwjshdhd so sajsjsjdjdhchc yeah alakwjshdhdjdjdjdjd imagining you running your thumb along my jawline mhmmm you could move my head however you want I’d be at your mercy. SNAKEBITESSSS that’s so sexy fuck goddamn I wonder what it would be like to kiss you I’ve never kissed anyone with that kind of piercing ever hahahaha god if you took my face into your hands when I was all shy I don’t even know what I would do god my breathing would be a mess my brain would be all blank. Clingy drunk you,,,,,it’s a need you being clingy would be…godsjjwjsdjdj us both drunk groping each other mhm thinking about what would make me the most flustered what a nice little experiment. We should test and see;) teasing me in public you’re really trying to get me to go insane mhmmmmm I would try to appear normal but then subtly get close to your ear and plead quietly. Maybe I’d tug on your hand to try to get you to go somewhere private. I can get pretty impatient and needy heh but it’s possible I’d also try to keep my composure and try to endure it while I’m melting on the inside. Soooo hard when I’m reactive though fuck hahaha thinking about if I’m into anything weird? Haha you little pervert<333333 I’d say so;)

Since you were so sweet and told me what you imagined, I’ll tell you what I thought about recently. I thought about waking up next to you and you touching me while I’m all sleepy and still lowkey out of it. Could even be a dream. Eyes hardly open. You murmuring in my ear while I’m squirmy and breathy and my brain isn’t even working yet. It just knows you’re making me feel good<33333 softly moaning your name, the only thing in my brain. It would be so easy to touch me with the way my shorts always end up riding up throughout the night heh

You absolutely are leaving an imprint on me baby I really can’t stop thinking about you. I’m so obsessed. The things I’d do if you asked. I love the fact I got you flustered a little;) I know that’s not easy so<333333 amazing you’re probably adorable when you’re flustered. You’d try to hide it but I’d notice and I wouldn’t be able to stop grinning. So glad to hear my words linger:) it’s so cute that you go to sleep hoping to wake up to my messages!!!! I do the same. You know sometimes I’ll wake up, grab my phone, and check your blog right away when I’m still out of it hehe I remember once it happened and you had responded and my heart palpitated so wildly>.< I hope this message finds you well hehehe kissing you on the forehead and nuzzling into your neck<33333

Okay okay hehe thank you for your sweet words cutie <3 I love Bullets because of how raw it is, you can tell from the album itself but also from the demos, you can tell how little lyrics were changed, how little intonation was changed, how little of the arrangement. The band was born out of a need to exist and you can tell, by god you can tell, and it captures me every time. I love the guitars, that budding New Jersey Emo sound that they leave in the dust later, the punk influences, how young Gerard still sounds, how well you can hear Mikey's basslines, Otter's drumming, heavy on the toms and cymbals, the frantic sound of the entire album, the influences in Ray's playing, how you can tell that Gerard is coming into his style of writing lyrics, cameos from their friends in backing vocals, the power and force and desperation behind every word and every note and every part of the album. I always love first songs by bands the most because they show the place the people were in when they realised they needed to start their band, when they realised the couldn't go on without letting everything out. I love all the songs individually too, Drowning Lessons made me cry the first time I heard it because that breakdown is just so damn gorgeous, but knowing how and why that album was made is what makes me love it so much. OMGGG we were wearing the same shirt that's so fucking cute!! Your outfit sounds so awesome, oh man I bet you looked so fucking good in it. Ooo the Boyzone shirt! I looove the print on that but I don't wear white often enough to justify buying it (or pink for that matter). Mannn that's so lame that people around you weren't as hyped-up as you, I bet you had the best energy in your entire section. I was moshing like crazy during WTTBP it was insane, seeing MCR live changed the vibe of so many of their songs for me, nothing compares to seeing them live, even songs you don't listen to all that often.

Ourgh I can't find any of the videos now but I will link them for you when I find them <3 Oh man that fucking Joe Rogan thing is going to haunt me forever, I don't even get why I was sent that ask in the first place by my mutual if it's apparently well-known that Joe Rogan is a major dickwad, I even asked around in my irl friend group and none of them know who he is either so I'm not living under a rock haha, I guess that just comes with being European xD I just finished Doctor Who so I suppose there's no better time to start watching Hannibal hehe, we'll essentially be watching it together! Ohh you mentioning him pricking his own finger makes me remember something I did when drunk once shfksjdf Me and a friend wanted to drink each other's blood so I sliced open my own palm, and then when I didn't feel like it was bleeding enough I poured vodka over it and into a shot glass to get it going shfkjfhdf The scar healed nicely but I had to wear a fingerless glove for a while xD It'd be so fun to watch Hannibal together with you hehe, I'd get to watch your cute reactions to all the intense scenes, it's so cute that you're squeamish <3 Aw babyy you screaming into your pillow like that is so cute, oh man, it's driving me insane a little. How cute you are in the way you react to my words... Makes me want to show you just how much that is doing to me <3

I used to collect those little fuzzy Filly horses! I had quite a lot of them hehe. Oh man one day I hope to have a Fjord, for now I guess I'll just have to make due with creating one in the sims x3 This is kinda stupid but I love jackdaws and pigeons, they're both the rats of the sky but I love them for it, ever-present wherever you go, daring little shits. Cockatoos are such cool birds, they come in such beautiful colour variations, and they're so intelligent!! Sdhfjksf I was a Warrior Cats kid hahaha, I was even on Scratch.mit.edu back in the day drawing Warrior Cats animations with my mouse x3 Were you also a Warrior Cats kid or did a different book series capture your attention?

Oh cutie you'd look so sweet with your face in my hands, big eyes looking into mine, that cute blush... Just the sweetest <3 Oh baby you know I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you when I'm drunk, especially when you're drunk too, all loose and giggly, I wouldn't be able to resist. Mhmm we should definitely test and see what makes you the most flustered, I bet I'll have fun with that ;) I'd try to keep composure when we're out, when I've been teasing you, but you know it'll only take a please or two for me to give in and take us home, I'm never able to resist you <3 Oh fuck, you imagining me touching you when you're still barely awake, oh that's doing things to me. Your brain's barely working but that's okay, it doesn't need to be working for me to make you feel good. Besides, I know just what you like, you're mine after all and I know exactly what to do and where to touch you to get you all cute and squirming under me. You laying next to me, one hand coming up to rub at your eyes while I'm touching you and whispering in your ear just how pretty you look, just how pretty your body responds to me, your little sighs so cute, your perfect moans. So easy to touch you hm? Well when you get yourself all perfect for me like that how can I not touch you when you're all sleepy and pliant?

Isn't it cute how much we're both thinking about each other so often, I'm in your head and you're in mine <3 I'd pull the hood of my hoodie down lower on my face when you get me flustered, trying to hide the blush starting at my ears, but I'd begrudgingly push the hood away when I see your delighted little smile <3 Awww baby your heart palpitating?? That's so adorable <33333 I'm kissing you right back on the forehead, and a kiss on the tip of your cute nose <3

#im nuzzling right behind your ear cutie <3 getting as close to you as i can #.nsft #asks

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impossible-rat-babies · 2 years

Note

how about a lil playlist for pollux standing on a windswept beach with a sunhat 🥺

this got kinda sad/cloudy day at the beach im sorry if you wanted something not that lmao

aesthetic? (more like ass-pathetic) -- panucci's pizza

pacific garbage patch -- kai engel

fear of the water -- syml

#me looking over my spotify like dang nerd ur just full of sad songs huh #no coherent which universe this is we're just vibin on oc stuff #i did put fear the water on pollux and redacted's playlist. for the funsies #for the Sad of it. and bc it fits far too well rip #ANYWAY thank you azia #again. i made it sad lmao #oc: pollux

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miekasa · 3 years

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call me (levi ackerman)

↯ pairing: levi ackerman x (fem) reader

↯ genres and warnings: fluff, humor? you can be the judge of that i suppose, levi is quiet and often practical, but you cannot convince that there’s not a small part of him that doesn’t enjoy having shit to hold over people lol

↯ notes: this is also cross-posted from another blog, but i tweaked it a bit to fit levi and rewrote/edited parts i wish the world had never seen </3 also i’m reposting bc i was an idiot who accidentally deleted it on mobile rip

↯ word count: 1.3k

↯ summary: drunk you is not amused by the man who keeps trying to coerce you into his apartment; even if that man is your boyfriend and that apartment is his apartment.

“Alright mister, I’m trusting you for now because you’re Erwinnie’s friend, and Erwinnie is my best friend,” you hiccup, wagging your pointer finger as threateningly as you can in your current state, “So if he says you’re a good person, you’re probably a good person. Or good enough.”

Levi holds back a knowing smirk, and loops his arm through yours to steady your balance. He doesn’t know how or why Erwin let you get this drunk, but he’s at least glad the blonde was sober enough to call him to pick you up instead of letting you get in a cab; or worse, attempt to take the bus.

“I’m so very glad you trust me,” he says, voice flat as your wrap your other arm around his bicep. You hum back, a little spacey and like you maybe didn’t hear what he said.

You’re honestly pretty cute when you’re drunk. It’s not something he gets to see often, as you don’t allow yourself to let go frequently; nor do you usually have the time to. And it’s not that he particularly wishes for you to be drunk to the point where you can barely stand, or remember his name, but all things considered, Levi is happy that your general drunk disposition is happy, too.

He waves Mike goodbye as he wrangles Erwin into his car, not holding back his smile this time as you wave over-excitedly at the blonde in the passenger seat, calling his name loudly to tell him goodnight and that you’ll miss him, like you hadn’t already told him goodnight three minutes ago, or spent the last three hours with him drinking. Yeah, you’re cute.

Thankfully, Levi doesn’t live too far from the restaurant you and Erwin were at, so the both of you are home after a twenty minute walk—what should have been fifteen minutes, but was prolonged by your drunken fascination with a squirrel on a public bench.

You start to wobble more when Levi unlaces your arms to get his keys out of his pocket, and he moves his right hand to rest against the small of your back so you don’t fall. However, drunk you is not so entertained by the idea of his hands anywhere near your waist as sober you would have been.

“Hey, hey, hey—hold it right there, mister!” you stutter, words a bit too loud for the confined space of Levi’s hallway at three in the morning, “I am not going in—into that suspicious apartment with you.”

You stumble as you try to remove Levi’s hand from your waist, and he tries to steady your balance again, but push him away more forcefully, staggering into the wall behind you.

“Ah, bitch,” you curse, holding your head and groaning. The pain clearly isn’t enough to stop your accusations against Levi, as you’re back to wagging your finger at him, even hunched over from your drunken stupor, “See, this is your fault.”

Levi sighs. He doesn’t know why you’re holding your head, because you hit your back, and from what he can tell, you shouldn’t have hurt yourself that badly. He’ll take a closer look at you once you’re inside. That’s if he could get you inside to begin with.

He can’t wrangle you and open the door at the same time, so he goes for the latter, finally pulling his keys from his pocket to unlock his apartment door, then attempts to move you inside. Keyword: attempts; because anytime he puts his hands remotely near you, you slap them away.

“Come on, we have to go inside,” he grunts, trying again to get a hold of your arm, but you whack him away harshly. For a drunk person, you seem to have the strength and dexterity of a pro-athlete all of a sudden. Where was all this coordination when he was trying to get you up the stairs five minutes ago?

“No!” you growl—once again, too loudly for the time and place. “Haven’t you heard of the saying no means no, mister? I might be drunk, but this is not my apartment, and I am not going in there to have sex with you!”

“I’m trying to help you go to bed. I’m not going to try and have sex with you.” Levi takes a deep breath. This could sound really bad if anyone else woke up and heard the two of you.

But you’re not having it, crossing your arms and turning your body so that you’re now facing the wall, your back towards a less-than-impressed Levi. “Well, I don’t believe you. I’m going to call Erwinnie tell him you’re being a bad friend, and then Erwinnie is going to call my boyfriend and he’s going to come and pick me up.”

“Oh yeah?” Levi drawls, leaning against his door frame, watching your silhouette as you clumsily search for your phone in your pockets, “Why don’t you just call your boyfriend then?”

You turn on your heels as best you can, and muster up your most menacing glare. It’s not menacing in the slightest, and it actually makes Levi crack a smile, which you do not take lightly; but that only makes him smile further, because sober you doesn’t like it when he’s not fazed by your self-proclaimed intimidation tactics, either.

“Fine,” you huff, finally putting your phone to your ear, “But you’re going to be sorry, because Levi is going to come here and kick your ass.”

Levi chuckles, feeling his own phone ring in his back pocket, “I bet he is.”

“He is,” you insist, stomping your foot for dramatic effect, “He might not be that tall, but he’s strong as hell, plus he’s handsome, and he doesn’t let people fuck around with me, so say your prayers, mister.”

The following afternoon is far less than pleasant. You feel groggy, tired, and like everything is moving in slow motion. Piece by piece, your memories of your night out with Erwin start to come back to you, but you can’t seem to recall anything beyond your fifth margarita.

“Good morning, sunshine,” Levi calls, sarcastically, upon entering the bedroom.

His voice and presence surprises you, but then the realization washes over you that you’re in his apartment and not your own. You’re not sure why yet, but you could probably take a guess.

“Did you take me home last night?”

Levi hums in acknowledgement, nodding his head towards the bedside table, where you find a bottle of water. Levi watches you as you move to hang your legs off the side of the bed and reach for the bottle, groaning in the process. He mentally notes that he should make you breakfast—or, well, at this point, brunch—after you go shower, so that you can take an Advil for the pain.

He moves across the room to sit beside you on the bed, careful to not disrupt too much as to make you spill the water on the sheets. “You know, for someone who’s so happy-go-lucky when they’re drunk, you put up quite the fight yesterday.”

“I did?” you turn to him, capping the bottle, eyes wide with surprise, “You were probably sleeping and you had wake up and come deal with me, I’m sorry, Levi.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he assures you, an almost uncharacteristic and sly smile playing on his lips, “You always say something interesting that keeps me entertained. It makes up for it.”

“Dear god, what was it this time?” you groan, throwing your head back, “I didn’t confess my feelings for you again did I? This is, what, like the sixth time since we’ve been dating? I’m such an embarrassing drunk.”

“Not a confession this time,” he chuckles, “The opposite. Maybe worse.”

Levi fishes his phone from his pocket, and pulls up his voicemails before handing it to you. Curious—and a little bit scared—to find out what could possibly be worse than confessing to your boyfriend of almost four years that you’re in love with him and sad that you’re not dating him? You’re not sure that it could get more embarrassing than that until you click on Levi’s most recent voicemail and hear your own voice crackling through the speaker of his phone.

“—What, hey, fuck off, mister! I don’t want to go into your scrubby apartment! I am happily dating Levi Ackerman, and when he gets here he is going to grand slam your sorry ass into the ground!”

#aot x reader #snk x reader #levi x reader #levi ackerman x reader #aot fanfiction #snk fanfiction #aot imagines #snk imagines #levi ackerman fluff #levi ackerman smut #eren x reader

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i-need-air · 3 years

Note

Oh-- I really really -really- liked your wolf hybrid Bakugou and-- if you don't mind, can you do one on Kirishima? Just the general headcanons, if this is too bothersome then you can ignore this once again- thank you

Just general headcanons you say? Okay, I had this written 2k words in before I got this ask and now it's at... ehem, let me take a deep breath for this;

Word count: 3.5k 💀 [of HCs 💀💀💀]

Why do I keep doing this to myself aksdjkd I love Kiri so much, my god! Thanks for the ask!! 💗

[ Masterlist ]

Hybrid!AU Kirishima Eijirou HCs

× i mentioned him as a dog hybrid and we're sticking with it because it just feels right, yano? anyway!

× you found out about how the new hybrid shelter in your city helped bust a fighting ring

× which was horrifying to think about

× one of your friends explained the process to you and you were definitely interested in helping someone out

× shelters were still underfunded and didn't provide much to help the hybrids adapt to society

× so you found yourself in front of the shelter without a plan

× just a dream and a spare couch that could thankfully convert into a bed

× before you could chicken out you stormed through the doors like a mad person, catching the attention of the guards and the front desk man

× it surprised you how disinterested they were though; were they seriously the people that dismantled a whole illegal fighting ring?

× they called a sweet old lady to accompany you

× when you explained your situation her eyes sparkled, looking you up and down and nodding her head

× she took you through some hallways, showing you around the precinct, questioning you about what type of hybrid you'd want

× to which you honestly didn't know how to respond, like anyone you could help????

× it kinda pissed you off how she spoke about the hybrids like they were pets, suggesting you'd get a kitty or a bunny, since [her words] they were low maintenance

× is this really a good shelter?

× you looked around, finding prison like cells left and right, some with people that looked at you curiously, some covering from your glance

× they were locked in...

× some growling could be heard far away but the woman shook her head at you, disapproving gaze turned to the side as she took you further into the building

× another room, this time cells were bigger, a few occupied, yet covered from you, indiferent and uninterested

× a man was sitting on the edge of the bed, hands in his hair

× "Kirishima, boy, get up to greet someone"

× his red eyes snapped up, whatever he was thinking about slowly forgotten

× he blinked curiously as you hugged your frame, feeling uncomfortable, even ashamed to be there

× but a sweet smile took over his features

× "Hey! I'm Kirishima Eijirou!"

× it's really all it took for you to grow fond of him; he got up and came closer to the entrance of the cell and introduced himself in such easy-going manner you forgot about everything and anything

× he calmed you with his presence, even if it was very disheveled, with old ripped clothes and hair messy, painted red with obvious dark roots showing

× he had a black fluffy tail waving slowly behind him too

× you introduce yourself with his encouragement and mumbled how you wanted to help someone out today

× he just smiled at you, taking you in

× let me tell you something about dog hybrids: they can sense emotions and intentions so Kiri would be a very good judge of character and he really, genuinely took a liking on you

× the problem is how the fuck do you say out loud that you wanted to help him out

× because you sure as hell weren't going to say you'd adopt him; he's not a child? we're talking about a grown ass man here? literally looked like 6'4ft/1.95m?????

× it was so shameful, your gut turned as you cursed society and he sensed it, expression changing, falling a little as he saw you look very out of place

× "Hey, hey, everything's gonna be fine!" he said

× he told YOU that

× instead of YOU telling HIM those words;;; you almost burst into ugly crying, forgetting about everything else, your minuscule problems or shame or whatever and just nodded at him

× "Would you like to come home with me, Kirishima?" you said, ignoring the happy clapping the old lady was doing, watching carefully how his expression, clear as water, switched from easy-going and reassuring to shocked then hopeful

× "I'd like that" he breathed out "—a lot."

× as you went out the lady was telling him it was a shame they separated his group of friends, something about being sent to different shelters, how he had to be a good boy, to behave, yada-yada and seriously;;; he was taking it so lightheartedly, as if he was so used to this behavior or even was thankful for it?

× it was starting to get annoying, specially when they gave you a collar for him, like no fucking thanks, but you'd take care of it later

× since it was very random and unplanned, you were making mental gymnastics to figure out what to get and what to do first, like clothes, food—

× journey home was pleasant as he walked close to you, asking you questions about yourself with a gentle smile on his features

× meanwhile people got out of both your ways because he was intimidating and big and large but his smile screamed sunshine

× all while he never really mentioned anything about himself

× you made a point to ask him if he was hungry, to grab a quick bite at any restaurant you could get at then go buy some clothes and necessities

× you were so casual and this guy was so shocked

× i swear, looks at you blinking stupidly then ✨beams✨

× spoiler alert; big boy was hungry

× it didn't matter honestly, just seeing him eat without a worry [even if everyone at the restaurant was wary of him but got a stink eye from you] was a relief

× since you answered his questions about you, you decided to ask some about him; you were going to be roomies soon so might as well get to know each other

× shocked again

× stops mid-bite when you ask him something and stares wide-eyed

× doesn't answer but you can see he wants to and you're confused??

× "did I—... did I say something wrong?" you'd press, scared you'd spook him away or something

× he just gulps down and looks ashamed

× casually tells you they've been told at the shelter owners don't care about them

× 🙃 say what now bby?

× he kinda starts apologizing because he understands why you wouldn't wanna know and you put your hand on his; kinda mutes him for a second

× "Kirishima, we're gonna live together and hopefully be friends in the process, right? I'd like to know about you, as much as you're willing to tell me"

× [ falls in love right then and there ]

× he's met humans before, many actually—

× even in the short weeks he's been at the shelter he's seen people come and go and none talked to him like you did

× stares with stars in his eyes and chuckles awkwardly, blush on his face

× "You're really nice, [Y/N]" he said before eagerly answering your questions; course, it leaves you confused lmfao but you brush past it

× okay! shopping next, long story short it was very hard to find hybrid clothes for his size so you pick to change human clothes and adjust them for him

× as you again mention this stuff casually he's just awestruck

× when you got home, bags in hand, you were explaining to him how you really didn't have much; you were working to get a promotion soon but for now you had a couch that could open up into a very comfy bed, which he assured you it was enough

× you were lowkey unsure if he fit it because like i mentioned, big boi is big

× he does! so that's a relief but you started considering giving him your bed; you mostly fell asleep on the couch anyway and to be fair, it was really comfortable and you mention it as he looks around

× his head snaps at you, wide eyed, yet does not talk

× so you ramble bc that's something fun to do! "I mean I went to the shelter without a plan and uh, I want you to feel as comfortable as possible and maybe the bed is a better fit and—"

× Kirishima Eijirou sees: 💕💞💕💞💕💞💕

× has never been treated like this, like he's an... equal... something he'll take months to share with you, but we're getting ahead of ourselves

× the thing is this boy will fall pretty hard pretty fast, but will definitely take time to make a move

× bc he is respectful

× so he thanks you for the offer and tells you it's probably the best place he slept in all his life

× can your heart stop breaking for him? i mean it's a good couch but it's no luxury hotel bed???

× [ we need to pause, OP made herself sad ]

× ok, so he's really helpful around the house, and he knows how to cook!

× takes no time to talk about his friends, special his best friend that cooked for everyone at the fighting ring and forced them all to help and that's how he was pretty decent at cooking himself

× wasn't the best though, but followed instructions like a boss

× he lives for your compliments

× literally his tail wiggles with no shame

× seriously;; tell him he did a good job even at the dumbest thing and—

× puffs chest

× wiggle-wiggle

× "Thanks!"

× 🥺💕💞 make him stop, he's so cute

× did i mention he has like floppy black ears? Omg his earsssssssssshnnngggggggggg

× because they move whenever he walks and they're mesmerizing

× and one day that you're observing them for science [not because your heart was like 💘pom-pom💘] you noticed his roots

× remember when your heart broke for him? hah, have some more because as you asked him, he started telling you that he was pushed into dying his hair red for the spectacle, diversity and what-not

× reassured you he grew to love it now, being part of who he is

× also gets a little bit shy when adding he wouldn't want to change the color in hopes of finding his friends someday and for him to be easily recognizable

× you bought him hair dye that same day

× WHICH! apart from gaining extra 🥺💕💞 from him, it created a nice routine between you two!!

× you offered to dye his hair and it was such a great time; he made you laugh, conversation going just as easy whenever you talked, you got to know each other a little bit more and—

× heh

× at the end, after applying all the red hair dye, you massaged his scalp gently

× guess who melts in your hands? yes, giant ass dog-man melts into a puddle under your hands and it's the cutest fucking thing you've ever seen

× I'm serious, he sighs and leans into your gloved hands with zero [0] shame, eyes closed and peaceful expression on his features apart from a small smile

× you tease him and he laughs it off, but promise him you'd give him head scratches when he was finished with the dye, washed off and hair dry

× and you better deliver

× "Don't think I forgot!" he'd say as he'd hop on his make-shift bed in the living room by your side, tail moving from side to side

× as you start playing with his locks, he falls into your lap and starts snoring

× move an inch and he opens his eyes to look at you confused

× puppy eyes questioning you if you're leaving 🥺

× yep, you fall asleep together

× you point out to yourself that those puppy eyes will be the death of you

× he's a touchy guy, okay? since he's been touchy with you from the very start you never questioned it, even read on the internet that many hybrids descended from house pets need physical affection, like hugs, pats, scratches, all the bag, so it wasn't a big deal for you

× except it was a big deal because he's been around for a month and you're already catching feelings and that's bad because you did not bring him there to fall for him but to help him start a new life and—

× oh my god, what if he thought you were one of those people from the horror stories about hybrid adoption that only wanted them for one thing—

× no, no, no, nO, NO.

× anxiety was getting to you as the guilt of catching feelings for him, plus the fact that he was financially dependant on you for the time which would've made it even worse if he found out, PLUS he comes from such a rough life, he definitely needs a break and doesn't need his first human friend in forever to be a piece of;;;

× Kiri catches on this really constant and increasing feeling of anxiety; he starts to send you worried glances but doesn't know how to proceed

× in such a soft voice he asks if you're okay, if something is on your mind

× and since you weren't sharing anything but acted as if everything was alright even when he felt you lied, Kiri started to get worried too

× why were you anxious? why weren't you talking to him about it?

× oh, god, was he a burden? because he felt like one;;; did you want him out? he felt like an extra weight for you and wanted to do something about it but maybe you got sick of him? he felt unmanly...

× the fact that he knew he cared about you as more than just a friend made him even more anxious and it didn't help that whenever he touched you he heard your breath hitch or your heart beating louder; he got his hopes up then down because

× you smelled like people; people he didn't know, people he wanted to know because he needed to know why did you smell like them? were they a treat? were they potential partners? he really did not want to ask bc Kirishima felt like it wasn't his place to know

× as tension grew in the house you decided to gift him a new phone, ready to give him some news that reached your ears

× it seems Kiri himself liked to do sports and mainly jog to keep himself active and he's started to pass by the local dog-park to play with the dogs

× imagine your surprise when a few neighbors asked you if he'd be willing to train their dogs bc he's been teaching them stuff like once a week and the dogs listened

× big time dog whisperer; he says "Sit" to one dog and all dogs in the neighborhood sit too, you get me?

× so you said it would be nice for him to have his own money; not like you didn't help him without care, but you saw his face every time you bought something for him and really felt like he needed some real independence

× he's in ✨awe✨ because you came up with clients already that were very eager for dog training sessions, which he loved??? and suggested hours, wages??????

× and you gave him this new phone to help him with it if he's interested too?

× "Well, the normal price on the internet around the area is—"

× "[Y/N]."

× "Hmm?"

× "You're really amazing, you know that, right?" he'd have his lips curled into a sweet smile

× which makes your heart go crazy and this man notices how you get flustered

× loves it

× get ready for compliments; a lot of compliments just expecting your sweet flustered reactions

× he's slow at realizing your feelings for him because he beats himself down and seems himself as less of a man but tests the waters nonetheless and a d o r e s every time you struggle to thank him for said compliments and don't know how to continue functioning

× catches on and gets his hopes up

× and so you do

× listen, this is hilarious because you're both dumb idiots and want to be respectful towards the other meanwhile he hugs you tighter and for a little bit too long, loving how you melt into him, kisses you on the cheek and sees you get all flustered, looks at you like you're the only one to ever matter until you stop talking, turning everything into a giant mess of silence until you both grin at each other???? I'm getting second-hand embarrassment, just kiss???????

× and it happened with an accidental kiss

× you greeted him as he walked through the door, excited to tell him about your promotion, rambling about the take-out you ordered while he smiled at you

× and it started to be usual for you to greet him with a kiss on the cheek, right? just what normal roomies do, you know [mhmm~]

× he's taking his shoes off and knows the kiss is coming, but just before you press it on his cheek you whisper/squeal "I got the promotion!" to which he turns his head in surprise at you making your lips press together by accident [mhhhmmmmm~~~]

× cue both of you apologizing, looking like a mess

× he's blushing

× you both loved it

× why are you standing so close to each other?

× why did he lick his lips in daze while staring at yours?

× which one of you was leaning in for another kiss?

× it didn't really matter because he's kissing you slowly, taking you into his arms like you were made of porcelain

× glues his body to yours and breathes you in, lips locked, neither believing it was real

× lifts you up in his arms with no difficulty and smiles, both inches separated from another; "Congratulations..." his breath would fan over your face;;;;

× yeah, okay, he takes no time to confess, resulting in a mess of manly words skdjekldj you guys talked that whole night while cuddling and stealing kisses, you on his lap

× [ his nose brushing your neck; he loves your scent omg ]

× it becomes official pretty much instantly and then all your worries wash away

× all the anxiety, all the stress and overthinking, they've all been sorted out in one night and trust me, afterwards this man is pure honesty and loyalty

× he won't hesitate to talk to you about anything and will be such a patient sweetheart with you, listening to every word you say without judgment

× loves cheesy stuff? as in the most cliché stuff seen in movies? that's his shit right there; whenever you two see each other after some time apart [sometimes 5 minutes apart] he'd pick you in his arms and spin you around, then expect you to kiss him

× if you don't, i will skfjdkfk step aside 👀

× skin contact; please, touch him

× if you're not he sends you those famous puppy eyes and we all know they're killer

× sighs, happy to hold you tight against him, engulfing you into his big frame; yeah, you're where you belong, in his arms.

× everyone in the neighborhood loves him; it's ridiculous, seriously, because you find out he helped around all the time when you were at work and gained everyone's love

× makes an instagram account to teach people how to train their dog and becomes an internet sensation, a small celebrity

× also bc he's hot and sometimes posts working out pics

× skdksjs imagine this: makes dinner for both of you, lits up some candles, goes all in, then fucking posts it on ig saying "waiting for my baby to come home #surprise" forgetting you can see it lmfao

× you see the story on your way home and 🥺💞 "ye i love his oblivious ass"

× soft gasps when you tell him after dinner

× has the audacity to be surprised, like babe????

× Kaminari finds him through social media and this baby cries in relief for a good half an hour

× both team up to find all the gang

× guess who talks praises about you all the time? mhm, this guy right here is proud to have you

× and Denki has to deal with it;

× anywho! want to break him for good? tell him you love him for the first time

× GETS. SO. EXCITED. AND. EMOTIONAL.

× but forgets how to speak

× finds his words to say it back after staring at you entranced, grinning like an idiot, taking you in his arms and giving you a bone crushing hug while shaking in place

× he's never felt this loved and adores every second of it

× you're like a drug and he's deep gone, man

× tells you he loves you every single day

#kirishima eijirou x reader #kirishima x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #noire writes #hybrid!au #hybrid!kirishima #kirishima headcanons #does anyone remember kirishima saying pompom? cuz it's been on my mind for hours and i love it

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aetherarf · 3 years

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Hiii, I wanted to say I love your writings! I specially liked the scara x chubby reader ones even though I'm not even chubby lol, they were really cute <3;;

I... don't know if i can request anything right now but if I can, would it be too much trouble something about scara with a tall fem s/o who's insecure about it? Like worrying he'd rather be with a cuter, smaller girl rather than herself? I feel kinda frustrated bcs most people write reader inserts where the reader, especially when written as female, is super small which kinda hurts when you're insecure about being tall lol anyways it's completely okay if you don't want to do it btw! Have a nice day!

I'm glad you enjoyed them, and of course you can request! Requests are open as long as my blog says as much. It just takes me a little time to get to them, you know? And sure!

I understand the struggle, I'm strictly average height and I'm not exactly chubby... I'm just extremely muscular [I'm Enby]. I look soft and round [muscle is squishy when not in use!] and then I can carry people who weigh more than me, and i weigh 285lbs/130kg, which... you know, people get set off by. So, I get it! I just hope you can enjoy some other prompts too, I try to avoid talking about the reader's features or heights... but without further ado, tall!reader x scara!

[[ Tall!Fem!Reader; Summary: Scaramouche isn't exactly the tallest man, and beside you, he seems utterly petite... wouldn't he be happier with someone his own size? Oh, no, he wouldn't, and he's going to make sure you know that.

Word Count: 1'221 ]]

It was hard not to notice. Scaramouche was a small man, he was petite even among Inazumans. You? You were quite tall, definitely more than him, and the height difference made it all the more noticable, all the more dramatic.

More than once had Scaramouche silenced the Fatui recruits who decided to be too wordy, but you didn't have that authority, or audacity, to bark them down into place, so when he was not beside you, which was often, any who knew of your union would comment on it.

It didn't help that he seemed to be hateful of his own size, a taboo among even Fatui Harbingers to speak of it, for if they did, he hissed and snarled and puffed up like an angry cat.

Endearing, but it hurt a little.

He noticed, too. A few times, he'd try to wrap an arm around you, but it didn't quite work, since he could, at best, get it around your waist, he was far too small to sling it over your shoulders. Then, he had taken to grabbing your hand, your arm around himself... Endearing, how he would relish in your touch, demanding it.

It had hit a rough point, when you wanted to buy a cute dress... He loved it when you wore a dress, his hand always wanting to rest on your knee, trailing up your thigh if there weren't others to see, and he even gave you a small fortune to spoil yourself.

But they were all far too tight and small or just flat out awkward fitting, they weren't made for someone of your size. You couldn't even do this little thing for Scara, the thing he adored, just because of your size. The logical part of your mind knows it's not your fault, you couldn't help it...

But as you see a smaller woman, wearing a dress and twirling in it, a dress you'd adore wearing but couldn't find a fitting size...

You had a sinking feeling, your heart crashing into your stomach, and you had to leave immediately, trying to keep your head down as to not have anyone stop you, and ask "Are you okay?"

The honest answer would have been "I don't know."

You got home, and you walked in, all but slamming the door behind you to vent out some of the ... Emotion, emotion was the only word you could think, that currently crushed your heart and twisted it into cruel knots.

You were going to scream out your anger, extremely thankful for the disturbingly good soundproofing in the walls, cry out your sadness, and then just hide from the world, eating, drinking, sleeping, reading... Anything just to get it all out.

He wasn't supposed to be back for a few hours, and he had seen you on your worse days... He was rough, but when you needed him to be sweet, he treated you like royalty. Even when you looked like a mess it didn't stop this sweetness.

This made you want to scream again, knowing you can't even do what makes him happy, worst still, something most women could.

...

He came back earlier than expected. You got most of it out, your face puffy and eyes red and sore... You were tired, but you wanted to stay up to cuddle him, he loved cuddling, and you didn't want to take that from him, too.

That made you whimper, cry just a little more. Maybe you weren't over it yet.

But Scaramouche could hear shockingly well, and on the door, he knocked gently, and peeked in... When he saw you were just sitting there, he opened the door more. You could see his face, full of concern,

"Are you okay?" He asked, and you sighed.

"Just a rough day," that wasn't entirely a lie, but he walked over, looking over your face.

"You've been crying."

"... I have."

For a moment, he examines your appearance, and sat down next to you.

"Is this something I can fix?"

He always tried to fix it--and this was his, odd way, of asking what happened.

"No," you said, dismissively. "Things happen."

"But you're not telling me what happened," he said, with an edge on his voice...

You sigh.

"I'm just thinking about things I can't control, things being... hard, it's nothing worth fussing over."

"It's you, it's everything worth fussing over!" He huffed, sitting up on his knees to look at you more directly. "Is it about me? Did I... do something wrong?"

"No, no, it wasn't you-" You couldn't handle that look he gave you, that made him look like a scared little kitten... "Don't worry about it."

"I'm going to assume things," Scaramouche said, "And you're not telling me. Did you do something? Did you..."

"No, fine..." He was so incessant, "I just... I'm taller than you."

He stared at you blankly for a moment, "And?"

"Wouldn't you be happier with someone that... doesn't make you look like a pocket-sized kitten? Someone that you can actually easily hug, and you could kiss without dragging them down to your level?" You asked, your voice choking through all of it, "I... I wanted to buy I dress, you love it when I wear a dress, but... I couldn't find one that wouldn't look weird. I can't even do that for you... wouldn't you prefer someone else?"

When you said that... Scaramouche's pupils went small, his entire face darkening--it wouldn't be amiss if a shadow covered his eyes.

"Who put that idea in your head?" He asked, almost dazed, with a wild form of insanity you had seen only rarely.

"No-No one, Scara, don't look at me like that."

"There must be someone," He declared, "I'll kill them. I'll skin them alive. I'll rip out their tongue so they could never mislead you ever-"

"Scara," You said, a little more sternly, "It's-It's... It's just, how everyone looks at us, and... Wouldn't you? Be happier with someone smaller?"

Scaramouche shook his head, "No, because they wouldn't be you. I don't like it when Tartaglia puts his elbow on my head, but I like it when you hold me," he grabbed your arm, wrapping it around him how he always did, "And knowing you could catch me if I fall," He moved closer, resting his head on you, "And knowing you're right next to me, and that you won't break."

He pulled away just a little bit, "Fine, you're taller than me, but I don't care. Not when it's you. Because you're... you."

You couldn't help but sniffle, smiling as you felt your tears well up, and you could see the panic on his face, "Did-Did I say something wrong?"

"No, it's..." You smiled, lips quivering, "I love you."

Scaramouche stood on his knees, leaning towards you, pressing a kiss to your cheeks, then your lips, "... love you too," he muttered, all flustered.

"It's just a shame," you sighed, "I still wanted to get a dress..."

"Oh, is that an issue? I know a good seamstress. We can commission as many dresses as you want."

"As you want, you're the one always feeling me up when I wear one."

"... Your thighs are soft."

You couldn't help but laugh aloud at his sweet silliness, he gently punching your shoulder in irritance, huffing and pouting.

"Well, that sounds nice."

#genshin impact #scaramouche #scaramouche x reader #genshin x reader #genshin scaramouche x reader #tall reader #fluff #fluffy bark #bark writes #// do i have other tags #request #// i rlly liked writing this one

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thepringlesofblood · 2 years

Text

Flinging My Opinions Out Into The Feed Vol. 4: Network Effect

this fuckin novel is 104K (ish) words long. I read it in like 3 days.

i haven’t ripped through a book like that since grade school. holy fuck. murderbot has awakened the hungry book-eating autistic dragon within me from its long slumber. hopefully I can sate it with some of my class readings. also I always listen to the audiobook after reading the book book which is easier bc as a college student I walk everywhere and have lots of listening time.

anyway. I have so so so so many thoughts. this one long so thoughts under the cut (mega spoilers for NE obviously)

I’m splitting this up into a few sections bc this was a longass book and i have a lot of thoughts to organize

General Shit

for whatever fucking reason, I’ve always read ART as having Aziraphale Goodomens’ voice in my head, and I figured that would probably change with time as I got to know it, but it hasn’t! the more of an asshole it is the more it sounds like Aziraphale’s Bastard™ Voice! the more caring it is the more Soft™ it sounds! Why does this happen to me?!

I’ll probably attempt an actual analysis of this after I’m done with the whole series (only one book away what tf???), since the only thing I like more than writing mb meta is writing good omens meta

related: I imagine Kevin R Free reading AC like ‘aw sick we got a real HAL9000 here w art I’m gonna go full robot monotone’ then hitting network effect and realizing he now has to make this beepboop motherfucker sound sensitive and sad and scared and parental and going FUCK!

He really crushed it though big props for that

so many new children to adopt!!!! my family has grown so big!!!

I don’t mean 2.0 bc a. it’s specifically described as not a baby and b. like it’s just mb and while mb is still my child, by now it’s like a few years out of college - a little directionless but self-sufficient with a support network.

However, I have adopted the following:

Amena

you now have one more parent, bringing the count up to 5! (mensah, fari, tano, mb)

collect them all and you get a decoder ring!

Three

holy shit they kinda glossed over you at the end there but you are STYLIN’

not to be like called it but i knew mb was going to eventually just free some guy(s) and then not know what to do with them

i will protect it, i want to see it grow up big and strong

maybe my favorite end-of-the-book mb bot interaction thus far!

I have synesthesia (letters/numbers/words have color, texture, personality, etc.) and the number 3 is like, red/magenta/fuschia and kind of round and shiny and has strong “femme fatale in a film noir” energy so the name is really, really fucking me up bc obviously that’s not AT ALL how I think of Three (the SecUnit) as a character!

I already had a picture of it in my head from our first meeting with it and then it got named “Three” and my brain had to do a bunch of mental gymnastics to make it fit

it just throws the name “murderbot” around bc it doesn’t know any better and i can’t WAIT to see that fallout

Iris

“prove you’re Peri’s SecUnit - show me your face” *shoots a gigantic fucking robot to save her dad* ICONIC we LOVE her

+me gives her 4 parents (martyn, seth, ART) so she doesn’t get the decoder ring but she’s in the running!

This was easily the most suspenseful book yet, and the closest the mb series has come to straight-up horror.

I’m an anxious, jumpy person by nature - close a door too loud and I’ll jump 3 feet in the air. So the whole scene with the crystalized body I was just constantly tense, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and it took me a While to get exactly what was going on, and props to Martha Wells for the mystery bc it was beautifully crafted, so tbh I figured everything out just when it fuckin moved.

I’m sure if I was holding a physical book, I would’ve yeeted it right across the room. I’m just glad my laptop wasn’t on my lap!

It’s also the closest Wells’ writing has come to actually losing my understanding with technobabble. Usually the way it’s written, things just sort of...make sense, without you having to stop and work through it.

I feel like maybe it’s not talked about as much bc it’s so subtly done, but this series is constantly introducing new technology, new ways mb can hack and interact with the feed and new AIs that exist and their levels of sentience and how x aspect of life works with this advanced tech and it has always just slid into place for me. It’s one of Wells’ real assets as a writer - she can introduce a bajillion new technological things and the way she writes it through mb’s eyes just makes it intuitively understandable

it’s at least partially due to consistent worldbuilding and naming conventions. mb just calls things what they are, and makes it obvious when designating a title to something. there’s not multiple words for the same thing - wells successfully eradicates any “the blond man” or “the taller of the two” shit like you see in bad fanfiction.

it also helps that mb thinks of ai as people, kind of. It cuts down on thinking about the specific operations mb is performing with all these dang hacks bc it reads as a social interaction (though I’m sure the idea would be abhorrent to it lol).

instead of just “I did X” you get “I hacked XSys and asked it to do X", so if you don’t know what X is, you get clues from how mb interacts with it, and now you know who/what XSys is, so any reference to it and its function and any time it does something in the future, you get more context on it and it kind of reads as character development

where I started to get confused was figuring out a. exactly what 2.0 was doing and how it operated, and b. how the pre-CR Central system operated and how it infected the colonists.

a is mostly bc of the jarring shift into 2.0′s POV (which is a WILD sort of plot twist hell yeah) and bc 2.0 talks like mb 1.0 but is able to do very different things and that it exists as killware. it makes sense though and while it took me a bit, I was able to put it together.

and whole e shit wells thats an existential crisis i wasnt expecting to have.

b. is probably bc I’ve had 4 books to get used to exactly how CR (post-CR? during CR?) tech works and it took me a sec to shift my way of thinking

but when I got there? holy shit, that’s TERRIFYING, and so clever!!!!! relistening to the audiobook holy shit wells really stayed up too late watching The Thing and got scared and went hmmm I can use this fear and she was RIGHT

i cannot stress the SUSPENSE enough. the fucked up timeline. the POV switches. the helpme files. the mystery of the alien remnants. FUCK.

speaking of. 2.0

in a previous post i said something about how weird it was in exit strategy that mb kept talking about what counts as “winning”?

its death. it convinces 1.0 by saying “this is how I win”

fuck

and also some real tangible ptsd consequences: mb 1.0 hesitated bc of the flashback to miki. fuck.

I really appreciated how in ES we honed in on one sub-group of the PresAux gang (Pin-Lee, Gurathin, Ratthi), and in this one we switched it up a bit (Arada, Overse, Ratthi again bc he’s a likeable guy) and added in some of Mensah’s family, including...

ooooh Thiago. bow howdy do I have complex feelings on this motherfucker.

On the one hand I get it. this company-made robot person just drops into your family and has your sister in-law’s complete trust for some reason. I get being a lil hesitant. and he does really follow up on it and try to make it work. on the other hand he did mega piss me off for like the 1st half of the book, mostly for how he treated Mensah.

deadass? I fuckin WISH I had a SecUnit friend to come get me out of social situations I don’t want to be in. good call Mensah. but she shouldn’t’ve had to do it in the first place, man, give her space

the weird lil interrogation he does w mb onboard art is really what pissed me off. he’s so clearly in the wrong not just bc his information is inaccurate (about the assassination attempts n shit) but bc he doesn’t LISTEN TO MENSAH and take her needs and agency seriously.

sidenote: art intervening in this conversation was actually amazing. it was really like ‘mb stop spilling mensah’s beans thiago shut the fuck up and go to sleep im disappointed in both of you’

he does go to apologize to her at the end though and isn’t an idiot, so he gets those points.

he is kind of shit at both security and more importantly listening to and trusting mb’s expertise but we can forgive

the differentiation mb makes in its thought processes at the beginning b/w ‘another innocent brand new naive secunit who needs help adjusting to human society’ and ‘me’

mb keeps going ‘mensah’s family would have liked me if I was ____ but I was me’

completely disregarding that mensah’s family does like it by and large

theres some interesting ethical implications there too - mb thinks mensah’s family wants a blank slate of a person to project a personality onto, and that the issue is that mb is very much already a personality, its just a grumpy weird lil guy

also mad foreshadowing for three

the way SecUnit and Amena really meet for the first time basically? priceless.

amena pov: you’re on your way home drunk with a guy you hope to sleep with, and he turns on the lights at his place and there’s your second mom’s weird new friend(?) just standing in the middle of the room, resting bitch face, wearing all black, who scares the guy out of his fuckin mind simply by existing (mb doesn’t even say anything in this scene!!! it just stands there and waits for amena to turn and leave, then follows her!). on the way home it lists all the reasons that guy was almost certainly a rapist. you don’t want to seem stupid so you put up a bit of a fight but you feel its cut-the-bullshit eyes on you and it sucks. also, it’s basically a living security camera and you know it’s going to snitch on you, no matter what it says.

mb pov: nah nah sister you’re not takin her to a secondary location

jokes aside I really like how deadpan mb is about the whole thing. maybe that’s the wrong word but like. it’s not made a big deal of? like, there’s no sort of pearl-clutching, there’s no asking for it or victim-blaming shit, there’s no difference from any other kind of potential harm. it just goes “this is a threat. I am going to eliminate that threat.” like it would for anything else. mb analyzes the guy the same way it would any potential hostile. it doesn’t treat sexual assault as a rare occurrence or something special and weird, just goes “don’t trust this fucker, will stop him from harming my client(’s daughter)”

“If there’s one thing I understand it’s the difference bw proprietary and non-proprietary data” So, mb pretends to not know privacy boundaries sometimes but knows this one. Huh.

“Teammate”

damn for anyone else that’d be an understatement but like. mb explaining that mensah was the first person it’d been on equal footing with? that it’d been on a team with? it makes sense. ow.

this is the book that really hammered it home for me that most futuristic/sci fi books are either utopia or dystopia but Wells did both. and even better are the interactions!!! You have horrific dystopian Corporation Rim, and beautiful utopian Preservation, and the interplay between the two and the privileges and disadvantages both sides have and the grey space in between...it’s amazing.

Even better, she made a dystopia with limits - gender, sexuality, race are just never an issue. i feel like with so many people when they have anachronistic worldbuilding in their stories, they feel like they have to make up new versions of racism and sexism and homophobia but Wells just went no, my dystopia is bad bc of capitalism, and I wanna focus on that. the world is open and accepting for real-world identities, regardless of whether you’re talking about fucking contract slavery or music festivals.

in the end.....mb finally knows what it wants. fuck. i’m gonna start crying. that’s a whole series dilemma right there, an essential part of its development and arc, something we revisit at the end of every book. when it said ‘i know what i want’ i almost burst into tears

The Intricate Rituals (aka murderbot and art’s “relationship”)

this book was so so choice for examining what they mean to each other boy howdy

i wanna be clear - don’t clown around on my post w romantic interpretations and slash w these two weirdos. mb v clearly is not down for that kind of shit. relationships don’t have to be romantic or sexual to be meaningful and complex.

goddamn the ARC they went through??? from grief to anger and betrayal to working together and rebuilding trust to a genuinely beautiful friendship to creating 2.0 to the fucking threat of bombing a colony to some of the best comfort in a hurt/comfort setup i’ve ever seen to art inviting mb to stay???? fuck me.

highlights

during mb and art’s fight, Arada and Ratthi are both trying to be like John mulaneys bit about Andy Cohen at those goddamn reunions okokokokokokokok

mb really knows how to pull a ‘no talk to me im angy’ and honestly the mental picture of the rest of the crew not seeing the almost imperceptible ways art is communicating w mb and then seeing mb blow up in return is hilarious.

“mutual administrative assistance” fuck me running thats good

mb knowing art well enough that when it needs to get its full unbridled compliance it pulls “you’re upsetting amena” like daaamn

mb reassuring art about its crew….. can we call “the first thing I checked for when i got onboard your empty corpse was if your crews dead bodies could be anywhere” a love language?

art having no qualms about blurting shit out to amena since Teacher Mode Activated and mb hating it? hilarious dynamic. i also love mb and art both being good with kids but in completely different ways.

Ratthi, mr. extrovert relationship specialist, trying desperately to parse mb and art and all THEIR drama is hilarious!!!! like, they communicate so quickly and complexly that whenever someone else tries to figure out what the fuck is going on it just doesn’t work

art trying to get mb to go to the meeting w leonide as an augmented human not a secunit because “you don’t like it” ahhhh im soft

Maybe it’s just me but mb loving the clothes art made it is adorable. It has all the stuff mb likes. It’s such a subtle thing you might not even notice it but across the series whenever mb describes clothes it has to wear it’s very specific about what it looks for, and art ticked all the boxes (lots of sealable pockets, strong/deflection fabric, sturdy ass boots, comfortable and easy to move in)

and THEN, when mb 1.0 curls up to die under the agri bot and notices the clothes art made it protecting it in its last moments of consciousness? Poetic cinema

Art’s bedside manner is like. Surprisingly thoughtful and loving. at the end it fucking. made a lil quarantine box and ‘separated part of its consciousness’ to it and played tv so mb wouldn’t be alone and idk im weak for this kind of thing but art caring for mb the way it deserves to be cared for is just. mmmm

Ik it’s been said a million times but art going “oh god my bff’s Important Person is coming aboard I gotta clean I gotta clean” when mensah shows up is priceless

one of many all time fav quotes: “Art did know everything. It was so annoying”

Big Neurodivergent Vibes

i’m sure someone’s said it before but art and mb watching media together? parallel play, aka doing the same/similar activities in the same area/feedspace without talking or interacting too often. like cats.

mb helping art work through its memory shit after actively antagonizing it is heartwarming - especially after they find out its personal memory was altered and art is just. Silent? in the group chat for a while and mb speaks for it? Art’s not here rn can I take a message? Beautiful. Big neurodivergent mood. talking for ur friend who can’t talk rn is nd to nd communication.

also, i don’t know how i missed it before but the clear division of subjective and objective time, and getting fucked up by it sometimes? in previous books it’s just been for emphasis, but in NE it actually affects things.

*mb facing the wall in order to talk to three* SecUnit to SecUnit conversation

ADHD solidarity - playing worldhoppers in the background to take up processing space while you work on important shit

i can’t believe i didn’t put this together sooner - special interest: soap operas media, sanctuary moon in particular

controversial opinion? mb is really empathetic. ppl have probably made the case for mb having a sort of low empathy situation going on but like if you look at its actions it feels other’s feelings and cares so so much. like, looking at how it responds when art’s dead, when it’s trying to help the contract laborers, when it’s trying to help its crew, when it’s trying to help art’s crew? it has had to deaden itself out of necessity but the emotions are still very much there. tbh this might be me projecting my sympathy for having sudden, intense, hard-to-identify emotions and being more “sensitive” to loved ones getting hurt than anticipated, but also like. think of all the times it’s like “fuck, im having an emotional reaction to this. I wasn’t expecting that.” idk if we can call that hyperempathy but like. it’s sure something.

alexithymia is a thing where its hard for you to identify your emotions. its really common in nd people. need i say more? mb never knows what the fuck its feeling

Beautiful Representation (mostly queer)

CASUAL THEY/THEM REP YESSSSSSSS and not just like one either!!!! Mihail, Matteo, Turi, a whole bunch of em!!! ahhhhhhh

Lesbian love is stored in the “babe” - legit 90% of overse and arada’s dialogue is just “hey babe” “babe” and you know what? that’s valid. i love it and i love them.

ik you could say The Feed is kind of a catchall deus ex machina for some things but i do not care! especially when it comes to just storing your gender info somewhere everyone can see and acknowledge and you don’t have to do shit about it!

some fun feed designations I noticed

Arada is “female/femme”

Leonide is “female/femme-neutral”

none of the feed designations include pronouns, but mb just knows them and uses them intuitively anyway. maybe it’s stored in a different part of the feed? like translation/language module? idk but im happy

mb noted at one point that “most” humans have “medium brown” skin tones - transcendent, one of my favorite things about this series is that skin tone is mentioned in the initial description of almost everyone mb meets, and its almost never just “white” - plus, its never given like. more attention than its due, or weird food comparisons.

it also briefly mentions Preservation having accommodations for mobility aids at the big festival/concert, and having a designated quiet area. i just. it’s so good.

The Fainting Couch

Explanation

bc mb is so emotionally constipated, any time that any emotion is expressed it takes me the tf out and I feel like a lady in a victorian novel retiring to my fainting couch to die from breathing too hard.

it’s like that moment in Pride and Prejudice (2005) where mr darcy helps lizzie get into the carriage and for a brief moment their hands touch and they spend a whole camera shot on it and its A BIG DEAL even though its not a ‘big deal’

there was definitely a post that made me connect these two things but i do not remember exactly when i saw it.

so this is a list of times where i was taken the fuck out by the EMOTION of it all!

it’s my friend. it helped me because it wanted to, because it could

fuck, the entire section of time b/w mb getting aboard art and art coming back is excruciating, it’s littered with all sorts of grieving inner dialogue, culminating in...

“my friend is dead!”

owwwwww the grief hurts and even more so, the later 180° from grief to betrayal hurts

mb repeatedly referring to the PresAux gang as “my humans” 😩

The Entire “ART meets PresAux after re-establishing control of the ship” scene

like mb is in such a vulnerable position in so many ways that it wants to reassert control however it can and also it’s right, and these two parts of its world are colliding and the PresAux gang have private information about it that ART doesn’t have and vice versa and it’s so desperate to keep them from sharing it but it doesn’t have a choice

The fucking convo bw mb on the med platform and art and the crew all getting to know each other and the anger and betrayal and comfort and EMOTION!!!!! Fuck me!!!!

also ngl i was also p mad when I realized art did in fact cause some problems on purpose

highlighted quotes:

trusted friend

ow my fucking heart

I did what I had to do, you should understand that

“I’m not talking to you on the feed! You’re not my client and you’re not my-“

OW BITCH OW CALL 911 IM ON THE FLOOR

“Art? You’re scaring Amena. You’re scaring me.”

My heart…… and the realization that art hadn’t been plotting and planning but was just scared and wanted a Trusted Friend?

“And it hit me then that ART had been desperate and terrified since the moment the Barrish-Estranza ship had sidled up and done whatever it had done. It had tricked its captors into taking it to me not because it had some kind of grand strategy but because it needed me” OWWW

The apologies? The LOVE???? Bitch I’m crying.

“I’ve lost my crew. I won’t lose you”

i spent a solid 24 hrs thinking about this quote before picking up the book again

“I just really like you. Not in a weird way.”

aahhhhhhhhh

i didn’t know there was a WHOLE ASS OTHER PERSON there for this though!!!

Senior Indah Saw Things that day, goddamn.

also I love that after saying “I like you too” the first thing Mensah does is say “get this secunit to medical immediately” bc like the implication of “if its saying this kind of shit its gotta be really injured” like it’s continuing the conversation from before but like its still funny

like this was in response to mensah saying ‘go to medical’ basically and i feel like it’s bc someone else cares about its wellbeing for its own sake, not just for its capabilities, and it’s just. so many.

“They’re sleeping, I told myself. 2.0 and Central wouldn’t feel a thing”

FUCK

in case you don’t recognize this. its from. when 2.0 and central and targetControlSystem all get stuck in the star thing and mb 1.0 has to destroy it and kill them and it tells itself it won’t hurt them, it’ll be like they’re sleeping, and i fucking SOBBED

like 2.0 we barely knew ye but also wells you HAD to spend the past chapter or so having 2.0 endearingly bouncing around 1.0′s mind just so we don’t forget its a person fuck fuck fuck

the whole final chunk of conversations is just one hit quote after another

“You made me sound….safe”

and then art understanding and addressing the concern and art knowing and accepting what murderbot is, in its entirety, because its never not known.

“No one had ever rescued me before”

“I don’t want to not see you again”

“But I like being with ART. I want to keep being with it” FUCK IM ALREADY ON MY FAINTING COUCH DUDE GET THE DEFIBRILLATOR

Little Things

Mb uses the same words for everyone regardless of gender. “Marital partner” “offspring” “child”

we only spent a few minutes with her but I love Farai. she just casually goes “hey uh mb what’s your relationship situation with my wife” and mb goes NO and she’s like understandable have a nice day

I understand now that post about how some people just sort of get Assigned British Accent At Audiobook and I was very surprised that it was just Amena and not Thiago. also, idk why, but whenever I imagine Amena she looks like Shuri from black panther

Ratthi going from “I’ll apologize to it” (ASR) to “secunit is a very private person. It doesn’t like to talk about its feelings” and “I could hear Ratthi telling them to drop the subject” u know what that is? Growth!

Thiago being worried about secunit giving amena Designated Drone Babysitters and ratthi being like no lol that’s how it shows affection

the gang finding the secunit killed by its governor module and just talking about how terrible that is right in front of mb recovering from the trauma of having one???? like come on guys thiago has an excuse he’s a bit of a dick but stop looking at this corpse that could’ve easily been mb’s if it didn’t hack itself and talking about how horrifying it is to you, it fucking knows!!!! like how fucking insensitive can you be??

but also i do appreciate that presaux still fucks up and doesn’t get everything right all the time it’s realistic

at some point in the middle when basically everyone is on art and having like a video conference about their plans, amena is with mb and has marked herself as “private” or something so she doesnt have to participate and is eating “imitative vegetable fragments” or something and basically i realized

she’s watching the drama goin on in the zoom meet w/ camera and mic off eating popcorn.

icon

Mb: wow humans sure are stupid im glad I’m good at threat assessment Also mb: *does all the wrong things in a horror movie when it finds The Control Room, giving me 7 discrete heart attacks*

I love my new child three, but i’d like it a lot more if wells didn’t keep switching POVs to it right when climactic things happen to mb 1.0

Mb detaching it’s own fucking hand to get out of restraints? Iconic

The Gang: art are u sure you can convincingly pretend to be evil? Art: oh don’t worry about it ;) 😘🤫

sidenote: Art is the biggest drama queen in the galaxy. all that media gave it so many theater-kid tendencies. including the homicidal ones. holy shit.

“There’s a lot about this that I don’t understand but I am participating anyway” #relatable i love three so much

mb realizing it’s kind of a damsel being rescued by three during the escape and being vaguely annoyed but also completely fine with it is the kind of energy I need in my life

Thiago keeps calling Amena “my daughter” but she repeatedly calls him “uncle” and i don’t know if its just language difference or what but like e.g.

“My daughter, are you sure you’ll be alright with a corporate-” “I’LL BE FINE UNCLE”

ohhh he got UNCLE-ZONED

speaking of, “Ok third mom” AAAHHHHH

“I am here against my will and you are going to regret that” new catchphrase dropped

i was right! there was a “wait a second secunit is shorter now??” bit!!! rip arada who was like yeah ur hairs a little different and mb replies with “I also got shorter”

Ik it’s a really serious situation n shit but imagining mb 1.0 staggering around a giant warehouse fighting with the knock-off copy of itself it made in its head is fucking HILARIOUS

(at the end of the book)

ART - oh ya I definitely already sent a distress signal through the wormhole like a month ago

Everyone: FUCK YOU

Kevin R Free Callouts

this guy does an amazing job with this book. ive said it before ill say it again - the man’s an artist.

he does pronounce things weird sometimes though. this is a comprehensive list of pronunciation crimes thus far.

Buoy

KRF: BOY

me: BOO-ee

Capsule

KRF: CAP-syew-wool

me: CAP-sull

Thiago

KRF: tee-AH-go

me: thee-AH-go

(i also do this with thalia though and some people pronounce ‘thalia’ ‘taw-lee-ah’ not ‘tha-lee-ah’ so maybe its me?)

Overse

KRF: OH-ver-say

me: OH-verse

(same disclaimer as above - i’ve never met anyone with this name and maybe krf has)

and by far, the most grievous

Holo

KRF: HOE-low (long o, like “odor” or “most”)

me: HAW-low (short o, o like “coffee” or “job” or “hologram”)

now i am going call out some compliments bc he is a great voice actor

I loved his take on the Targets’ voices, it was so creepy and reminded me of Night Vale Kevin

the difference in mb’s and three’s narration was distinct and consistent and easy to tell apart - I like three’s lil bird voice!

there were a lot of fucking voices to do this time around and i’m frankly amazed he kept em all straight, big props.

there were a lot of emotionally charged moments for mb here and he fuckin nailed them. i was in public while listening to some of the ending shit and I wish I had a fuckin opaque faceplate to keep my expression under control!

sorry this was so ludicrously long, but its a ludicrously long book. like, the ASR audiobook is about 3 hours, NE is 13 hours

fuck i cant wait to finish the series i’ll miss reading new ones but i will sink into the pool of fan content like a hot tub

#murderbot #long post #spoilers #my Opinions #original post

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barzzal · 3 years

Text

close to you

summary: there’s nothing more excruciating than to lose someone you’ve never imagined losing. but what happens when they’ve already left right before you can even acknowledge them leaving? mathew is yet to find out.

↳ pairing: mathew barzal x you

↳ warnings: falling out and break ups

↳ genre: angst.

↳ length: imagine; 1.3k

↳ masterlist: the barn

↳ track: close to you by rihanna (listen to this it’s all that there is really)

note: unsolicited barzy angst fic because i was sad and listening to rihanna, (plus you guys know how much i love angst) this is totally unplanned and written in the past hour so im sorry if there’s sum typos bc i didn’t proofread this :<< hope u still like!! feedbacks are very much appreciated! <3

You were slipping away and he knew it.

Mathew’s mind was running wild. His thoughts were coming in one after another and no matter how hard he tried to shut it out of his head — there it was again.

The cyclical pattern of his seemingly endless misery.

The thought of losing you.

Days with you were spent either in total silence, eating lunch with the television on in the hopes of drowning out the numbing noise that was now in every corner of the home you have built with Mathew; or you know, the mandatory screaming match you indulge yourselves with even over the smallest of things.

Things only escalated the more you try to talk about it. Neither of you really knew how and when it started. And neither felt the need to say a word.

All that you and Mathew did was to watch your years crumble before your own eyes. Years that got shattered with each night spent in an ice cold bed, backs facing each other, not bothering to say a word.

“What happened to us?” his voice crisp and clear even when whispering.

You feel his gaze and you begin to resent yourself for staying up so late. You see him in the corner of your eye, patiently waiting — silently pleading that you’d look his way.

You didn’t.

Instead, you close the book you were reading and take your glasses off. You sigh just as you put it on the bedside table. Mat does nothing but watch you silently, all whilst ignoring his chest growing all the more heavy each time you push him away.

You turn to him, still not meeting his eyes before you turn your night light off. You answer with a meek reply, “I’m tired, Mat.”

“Y/N.” he calls you once but it seems like it’s been hundreds of times for him. He wanted nothing else but to reach out to you — to hold you. Maybe then he’d feel less insecure. Maybe then he’d feel less afraid of facing the fact that you’re slowly fading away farther off his reach.

He knows you heard him but he doesn’t get a reply. And you know he’d be grateful to take on crumbs you’d be willing enough to spare. However, just like the other times he’s tried, your mind numbing quietude was all he had to hold onto.

You try to drift away faster into sleep for you did not want to spend the night hearing him pick out on almost every meaningless thing you’ve done for the past couple of weeks. You were just tired. Insanely tired. And Mat had very little, perhaps almost nothing to do with it. You were lost.

“Do you still love me?” you hear a catch in his throat that instantly tugged strings in your chest.

You fall silent, finding it hard to voice the words Mat had wanted to hear.

Do you still love him?

You didn’t know.

“Baby, please talk to me.” he pleads the longer he basks in your silence. Silence that Mat knew well enough to mean just one thing.

“Please.”

Finally, as if it was the nearest he’s gotten to a win, he sees you shift, turning to face him.

To say the least, you weren’t sure of how you feel towards Mathew. Being with him through all these years have been good, yes — but days weren’t always sunshine. It wasn’t always a calming afternoon walk holding each other’s hands, swaying it in the air, whilst you listen to birds chirping beautifully all year ‘round. Being with Mat came with its own sacrifices. Ones you cannot point out no matter how hard you tried and ones that just made him so hard to love.

“I’m sorry.” you murmur. You avert his gaze, keeping your eyes low on the sheets you’ve once shared wrapped around your naked bodies in search of warmth in each other’s embrace.

You never left Mat’s eyes because leaving you was the last thing he wanted to do. He hesitates to take a few strands that went astray to your face just so he could tuck it behind your ears like he always does. When you lean closer, nudging him to do just that, he feels a kindling fire in his chest. An all too familiar feeling he has deeply missed.

His touch did not make you want to pull away nor did it burn you like it used to. A sad smile creeps up his lips once you finally take the leap and look in his eyes.

“I know you are,” he says, clearing his throat. “And it’s okay. I understand.”

Mat wanted to. He truly does. He wanted to be selfish and just think about his own good. Letting you go wasn’t something he pictured doing because he knows that you know it has never crossed his mind.

Mat wanted to do everything against what willed his heart. But he knew too that letting you keep him at bay just to spare his feelings would do more damage than it could fix and he just couldn’t afford having to lose you twice. He could barely walk through this conversation now. Therefore he’s certainly sure he wouldn’t be able to handle losing you more than once.

“I think I need to figure out some things on my own.” you tell him earnestly. A thing that you’ve wanted to let out ever since coming home to Mathew felt more work than it’s worth.

“Are you gonna be gone for long?” he asks, voice thick and impending to break at any moment.

“I don’t know.” you answer with candor, an apologetic tone masking your words.

Nonetheless, no matter how much you did not want to spend the night breaking Mathew’s heart, he lets you rip one final bandage — exposing a long overdue wound that was without a doubt far from healing, “I won’t really know unless I try, right?”

“Okay.” he smiles, eyes softer than it ever was.

“I’ll be exactly where you left me.”

The night grows deeper as the two of you sink in what seems to be the hardest falling-out you’ve yet to go through. A break up that would definitely stick around Mathew’s end for he has never loved someone as much as he loved you. Perhaps, even more to put himself in the most selfless position he would willingly let himself into.

“What do we do now?” you ask, your voice low and on the brink of letting out a thick sob.

Mat takes your hand and entwines it with his. He holds you tight. He lets his forehead rest on yours, breathing out the pain that’s successfully wrenched his heart in seconds.

He pulls himself closer to you — pouring all he has left to give. Slowly, as he finally let himself pull away, he says, “We sleep.”

No matter how much you wanted to say your piece, you just could not find the words that fit. And so, you do the sanest thing you could give him, leaning closer to every bit of his touch as if the clock had only started ticking.

You see Mathew’s eyes glisten from the moonlight shining from across the room. If only you knew how bad you’re going to miss it. If only you’d appreciated it while you had the chance. If only you knew that the last thing Mat wanted was to see you right before he closed his eyes.

“Good night, y/n.” he says, still holding your hand close to his chest.

God, if you had only known those eyes will be gone the moment you open yours, you would’ve held onto his hand a bit longer. Long enough before he emptied his closet the morning after. Long enough before he had the chance to wipe out every single trace he’s left your apartment. Perhaps even long enough for you to change your mind.

#mat barzal imagine #mat barzal fanfiction #mat barzal fic #mat barzal x reader #mat barzal angst #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #hockey fic #nhl fic #barzzal imagines #letters to barzy

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problematicfavesareproblematic · 3 years

Text

Boys Who Speak With Silver Luck

Joe Liebgott x Reader

Ok, so THIS is more what I was intending to write for you, @itswormtrain! Hope you can learn to forgive me!!

This one is a soul sister/unofficial sequel to ‘You’ve Been Sad (Because I’ve Been Lonely)’ bc I’m bad at doing one shots

Warnings: SMUT, domesticity, fluff, healthy dynamics, poetry being an aphrodisiac, feels(?)

All poetry mentioned is from the anthology No Thanks by ee cummings, and the title is from the song (inspired by 44 by ee cummings) comes from The Boys Are Too Refined by The Hush Sound

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

“I still don’t see how you can read those things.”

You smirk to yourself, nudging his thigh with your foot as he sits at the foot of the bed.

In retaliation, Joe lightly traces the tip of his finger up the arch of your right foot and chuckles when you flinch at the tickle of it, the chuckle becoming a laugh when you lower your book and frown at his mirth.

“And here I thought you were actually wanting to do something nice for me,” you tease, letting him pull your foot back into his lap and watching him smirk as he returns to massaging the sore muscles there. “Should’ve known you were gonna betray me eventually….”

He scoffs at your theatrics, mumbling a soft apology when you hiss in discomfort as his thumb works on a particularly tight knot just above your heel.

“Why do you wear those things if they hurt your feet so badly?”

You furrow your brows at him, resting the book on your stomach as you let a smile play on your lips.

“They’re called heels, and I wear them because they make my legs look amazing.”

Joe tilts his head to the side as his face takes on a contemplative expression.

“‘This is true…” he says with a nod. “You look fuckin’ gorgeous in ‘em.”

You offer a hmph in smug agreement, picking your book back up and continuing where you left off.

Tonight had been the night of Chuck’s family’s yearly holiday party, the one night where both you and Joe dressed to the nines and got to rub elbows with people Joe and Chuck lovingly referred to as ‘rich snobs with inherent mommy fetishes’.

Joe never failed to leave you starstruck when he wore his nicest uniform, and even though you didn’t wear yours, Joe always managed to convince you to pin your Purple Heart and as many unit citations you could fit to the breast of whatever dress you picked out.

“Fuckin’ love watching those ignorant fuck’s faces when they realize what a badass my wife is,” he had growled in your ear as you had gotten ready that night. “Gets me harder than a goddamn rock, you got no idea…”

The two of you had danced and drank and laughed over some of the most amazing food you’d ever tasted. It had been perfect.

More and more things were becoming perfect as time went on and the dark horrific shadows of war began to shrink away under the bright California sunshine.

It was heartbreakingly nice to see Joe happy, truly happy. He deserved it- you all deserved it.

A groan of frustration is the only warning you get before Joe crawls up your body and plops himself atop you, the suddenness of the action making you release a grunting giggle. Undeterred by the obvious fact that you’re trying to read, he kisses at your chest through your shirt.

“Pay” kiss “attention” kiss “to meeee” kiss

You take one hand from the book to scratch lightly at his scalp, smiling at the sound of him humming in annoyance.

“What’s in that dumb book that’s got you glued to it, huh? What can big words give you that my big—OW.”

You cut him off by clunking the book gently against the back of his head, giving him a soft smile when he looks up at you with a frown.

“You’re so needy,” you chastise hollowly. “Never thought you’d get jealous over something as silly as poetry—”

Joe rolls his eyes. “Poems are for kids and nerds, don’t get what it is about-” he sits up a bit more so he can see the cover of your book. “Whatever an ee cummings is that’s got you so gaga over it…”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Believe it or not, Joseph, I think you’d actually like this guy’s poems—”

Joe snorts before bringing his head back down to rest on your chest. “Yeah, okay—”

“Hey,” you challenge, scooting up on your pillows so you can sit up, the movement bringing his head to your ribcage. “I’m serious! If you were to like any sort of poetry, you’d need it to be as sexual and swear-y as you are…. Here, listen-”

Before he can protest, you flip to the one you had in mind: 44.

“the boys i mean are not refined

they go with girls who buck and bite

they do not give a fuck for luck

they hump them thirteen times a night

one hangs a hat upon her tit

one carves a cross on her behind

they do not give a shit for wit

the boys i mean are not refined…”

“Gimme that!”

Suddenly, the book is ripped from your hand- and before you can protest you are shocked to see Joe turn the book so he can bury his nose in it. Careful not to be smug about it, you bite back a smile as you watch him mouth the words as he reads.

The fact that you’re able to hold in a laugh when his eyebrows shoot up in surprise should make you eligible for another Purple Heart.

When Joe’s eyes flick up to meet yours, he’s looking at you as if you’ve just done some suspicious slide of hand- intrigued but still somewhat cautious.

“Well?” you ask. “What did you think?”

Joe flicks his gaze down to the book again, like he thinks it may have changed somehow when he wasn’t looking.

“Are they….all like this?”

You do smile now. “Well, I’m not sure- I haven’t read them all yet.”

An idea pops into your mind as he flips through the pages of the book.

“If you give it back, I can see if I can find another—”

Joe suddenly smirks, and when he lifts his face so you can see him, he’s looking like the cat that ate the canary.

“Read this one.”

Now you’re the hesitant one, taking the book back from him as if it could suddenly turn into a snake.

The poem he’s picked is one you haven’t read yet, but if it’s one that Joe picked out you can only imagine what the subject matter is.

“Okay then,” you say slowly, clearing your throat as you cast him a brief look of suspicion before beginning.

“may i feel said he

(i'll squeal said she

just once said he)

it's fun said she”

(may i touch said he

how much said she

a lot said he)

why not said she….”

As you read, Joe’s hands come up to hold your sides as he kisses slowly across your chest, your stomach. Every so often, his thumbs smooth upward to rub across your shirt-covered nipples, and you can feel him smile as he kisses at you.

Your shirt has bunched up, revealing your hips and the sensitive skin between them. Your cheeks feel hot, and your mouth suddenly becomes dry as his lips drag between your hip bones promisingly.

His hair tickles your skin when he begins mouthing lower, to the waistband of your underpants.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” you sigh, tongue wetting your bottom lips as you begin to breathe heavier.

“Keep reading.”

Oh. You hadn’t realized that you’d stopped.

Clearing your throat, you blink a few times before finding the place you left off.

“Uh, (let's go said he

not too far said she

what's too far said he

where you are said she)

may i stay said he

(which way said she

like...like this said he

I-if you kiss said she- shit, Joe….”

Joe’s warm hands have worked your underwear down your hips and around the swell of your bottom, and the heat of his breath across the thinner skin that he’s exposed has you losing focus again.

Because he’s nothing if not a consummate tease, he doesn’t do anything more than kiss only a sliver of the newly revealed skin.

“Y/N…” he reminds you, nipping lightly at you when you groan in frustration. “I think there’s still some to go—”

Your heart is thrumming in your chest, and it takes you a few seconds to find where you left off this time.

“M-may i move said he

is it love said she)

if you're…..uh, if you’re willing said he

(but….. you're killing said she….”

The words have started to dance across the page, a whine coming from somewhere deep in your chest at the first touch of his fingers to the slick lips of your sex.

You’ve officially lost your place, now. You just pick the stanza your eye catches first and hope for the best.

“(tiptop said he

don't stop said she

oh no said he)

go slow said she- fuuuuuck…..

I-(cccome?said he….goddamn it Joe, please!”

You throw the book off to the side, sweat beading on your brow from how deliberately cruel Joe is being as he continues massaging at you. When Joe sees that you’ve started to shake, he lunges up the bed to wrap a hand around the back of your neck and kisses you messily- your teeth clacking together briefly as he buries his fingers inside of you and immediately finds the place that never fails to ruin you.

Clinging to the front of his shirt, you squeeze your thighs together as a delicious tremor rolls up your body from where you’ve trapped his hand. You’re so worked up you almost want to cry, the heat in your lower belly almost bowing your back.

“Does that feel good, Baby?” he mumbles against your lips. “Who is it that’s making you feel this good, huh?”

You make an incoherent noise, quickly wrapping am arm around his shoulders to try and bring his mouth back to yours, mewling in frustration when he refuses to do so.

“Ungh! Joe, I’m begging you!”

“Say it again,” he says darkly, and if you had the strength to open your eyes you’d see just the power-drunk way he is looking down at you. “Do it—”

“Joe! Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe….”

You chant his name like a prayer, your voice dying in your throat as he starts using his palm to stimulate your neglected clit.

With a silent scream, you come apart, head lolling back as he continues to coax you through your orgasm, dimly aware of the praise being kissed across your chin as he refuses to relent the punishing paste he’s established.

Your face is throbbing with the strength of your thudding heart when he finally starts to slow down, your body still bowing and writhing as he begins to coo down at you sweetly, capturing your lips with his as your shaking starts to subside and your sweat begins to cool.

“Good girl,” he sighs into your mouth. “You’re such a good girl for me….”

You don’t reply- can’t reply. Joe’s reduced you into a boneless mess of a woman.

When you do eventually open your eyes, Joe is smiling down at you with an obvious affection that threatens to get your heart racing once more. Not taking his eyes from yours, he gently slides his fingers from your still-fluttering sex and makes a show of licking them clean.

With a mischievous wink, he uses his other hand to smooth your hair from your forehead before carefully rolling so he’s laying beside you, his shoulder pressed against your as he chuckles.

“Huh, whaddaya know,” he says after he releases one of his fingers from between his lips with a lewd pop. “Guess poetry isn't that bad.”

Using all of your energy, you turn your head to give him the weakest glare you think you’ve ever given.

“When….when I can breathe witho’ havin’ to think about it so hard, I’m gon’ make you cum til you pass out.”

Joe gives you a smiling kiss.

“And I’ll let you….once we finish round two.”

Well, looks like I’ll be going back to the bookstore sooner than I thought.

~ ~ ~ Taglist: @mrseasycompany @itswormtrain @mrsalwayswrite @happyveday @sunsetmando @teenmagazines @liebgotttme

#band of brothers imagines #band of brothers x reader #joe liebgott x reader #joe liebgott imagines

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