#from the bottom of my bi ace heart. absolutely fuck you.

[ferretwhomst]

gravity falls queer headcanons, just for funsies <3

i'm gonna put these under a readmore actually because Wow There Is A Lot More Shit Than I Expected. gaze upon my based ass gender and sexuality takes at yer own risk /j

Dipper i think the general consensus in the gf fandom is that he's transmasc. and as a trans guy i LOVE this hc!!!! but i Also love to see dipper portrayed as other trans identities. like... tgirl dipper is also a favorite of mine, she holds a very special place in my heart. nby or genderfluid dipper even!!! i could go on, but bottom line is he is whatever i want him to be at any given time <3 as for his sexuality? probably some flavor of acespec but he's personally unlabeled, previously questioning but i figure he eventually decided it's not worth his time trying to find a label that fits. he definitely likes people of all genders though

Mabel mabel is ABSOLUTELY the sorta person to aggressively hoard gender labels and pronouns like a crow collecting shiny things. crunch has ALL the gender and ALL the pronoun. in fact, sometimes it makes him kinda sad when someone who knows bee goes by all pronouns exclusively uses "she" for fluff (not that this happens often!!! a quick glare from the grunks and the offender is put in their place lol). she lovessss femininity and actively embraces it all the time but it's not ONLY a girl- xey id as an autigender xenocollector girlboy and also as pan and nebularomantic!!!! boom probably knits their flags into all cake's sweaters too >:D

Ford previously identified as a binary trans man, but after spending three decades in another dimension and interacting with different species with other perceptions of gender, they now id as transmasc nonbinary. he doesn't mind he/him or they/them but he also likes neopronouns! (better believe ford has neos in languages you've never even heard of!!!) especially space-themed or science-themed ones. him and mabel definitely get along over using neos btw. also rift is demiromantic, demisexual and gay :) he was overjoyed when they found out about the ace/aro spectrum- because for a long time they felt like the fact that they only seldom felt attraction meant something was wrong with sol.

Stan trans nonbinary man who isn't picky with labels. while him and ford are both transmasc and nonbinary, he has a VERY different experience with it than his brother- he's very much a man, except she also likes to be a woman sometimes just for fun. stan probably spent a lot of time in his youth trying to be hypermasculine so he could pass better and fit in but now he Doesn't Care and just has fun confusing people by being a grumpy old guy who's also a lady sometimes. prefers he/him but genuinely doesn't care if people use other pronouns for her. also my man is bisexual as FUCK, mostly equal attraction to all genders but plays up his love for women a lot becausee... growing up during the 60s will do that to you i think.

BONUS ROUNDDDDDDDDDDD

Soos unlabeled sexuality, genderfluid and/or nonbinary with left bro in the words of one wise anon on tumblr dot com. uses he/him but other pronouns are fine too

Wendy abrosexual transmasc tomboy with no desire to medically transition. likes to present as masculine but only sometimes. gets along with stan over gender fuckery! uses she/he

Pacifica transfem lesbian, mainly uses she/they until mabel introduces her to jewel neopronouns and ruby immediately steals them

Fiddleford greyromantic, bi and polyamorous binary trans man! like wendy, he's never cared much for the idea of medically transitioning. uses he/it but doesn't mind other pronouns

Bill aromantic, asexual and agender babey. uses any/all pronouns, though people usually default to he/him, which she doesn't really mind either!

#probably gonna use these from now on whenever i post abt these guys #ferret rambles #gravity falls #gf #gravity falls headcanons #gf headcanons #dipper pines #gf dipper #mabel pines #gf mabel #ford pines #stanford pines #grunkle ford #gf ford #stan pines #stanley pines #grunkle stan #gf stan #soos ramirez #gf soos #wendy corduroy #gf wendy #pacifica northwest #gf pacifica #fiddleford mcgucket #old man mcgucket #bill cipher #gf bill cipher #wow that is a lot of tags

[shenanigans-and-imagines]

Thanks so much for clarifying! I very much didn't want to push any boundaries 💜

- My choice of ship is for sure Baldur's Gate 3. (Only request: plz NOT Raphael, Mizora, or Minthara - one is legit a trauma trigger, the other two are... Reasons.)

- Gender: any and all, I'm too bi for choices

- Personality: I'm autistic, and my mood is consistently more changeable than I think it is... dunno if Sag/Leo/Cap means anything to you (it's cool if it doesn't), but it does to me in the sense that I can see what it means in myself. I'm thoroughly Chaotic Good according to every alignment description I've seen (and all my friends lol). Still a dingus who frequently courts red flags for reasons I can only identify as Traumas lmao.) I'm very mentally scattered. Burnt-out gifted kid who immediately chose to gradually swap my waning INT for WIS, inasmuch as I could. A soul who intensely wants to help everyone I care about, but can't for all sorts of reasons, but dammit do I try anyway. Fiery, feisty, but still learning to actually be assertive. Cuddly with anyone and everyone who is interested. I love radically with all my heart, be ye friend or partner, but breaking it means I'm either a sobbing broken mess, planning a murder, or both. Please don't let these taint the results bc they're still options: I honestly believe and have been told by others that I'm a perfect mix between Karlach and Astarion, personality-wise. I'm down bad for just about all the tieflings in the game/in general (I relate to them a lot), and almost always play one, but all races are welcome in my heart. I don't really draw lines between close friend and partner; I believe closeness and intimacy aren't things that should be constricted at all between one or the other (there is literally a group chat saved in my phone called "Platonicule," if that gives you an idea 😂). Generally amiable to, but wary of, strangers. Hobbies: I make homemade skincare and balms for the homies, cooking, and everything about music and linguistics. I'd also love to try my hand at ceramics/pottery someday. (Also I don't know where to put this, but definitely high sex drive, kinky, and switch/vers but usually end up sub/bottom? Which I'm not conflating, just that's usually how it plays out. Sorry that all was... A Lot lmao, I'm also overly specific/dunno when to shut up. 😅)

- I ship you with Aziraphale from Good Omens! He seems like he'd be absolutely elated to help you finish your writings, and even go out of his way to find a good publisher for your book (and maaaaaybe do a teensy little miracle to tip the scales in favor of them accepting it, if the situation called for it). Fastidious, fashionable, would be as sweet to you as you to him, and would be quite happy with letting you have your alone time (he needs it too lbr.) Also if he's not at least on the ace spectrum himself (he totally is tho), he certainly would never make unwanted advances. Plus, I mean, living in a cozy bookshop that your partner keeps clean, organized, and cute as fuck? Idk that sounds like a dream. You could chat for hours and hours about history if you so chose (and his hilariously unique perspective on it since he's seen most/all of it.) Honestly I also now can't stop thinking of a Movie Night with you two and Crowley that goes a little chaotic because Crowley has a very different and probably intentionally contrarian analysis and keeps getting half-jokingly offended when either or both of you have different opinions. There may be thrown popcorn. 😂

I ship you with Gale

Your relationship can bested be summed up in burnt out autistic "gifted" kid solidarity, in the best way possible.

You and Gale are in a constant loop of affirming your love for each other it makes the pair of you nearly impossible to be around. You info dump, you cuddle, you cook, you are just able to be, together.

Gale is also very deceptive in his chaotic good tendencies. While it may look like you're the one doing something crazy, Gale only makes a meager attempt at protest before following after and justifying your actions later. He does, however, bring some of your ideas and scattered thoughts into a sure focus, allowing you to accomplish what you actually set out to do instead of leaving it all in your head. You, meanwhile, help remind him that wisdom is sometimes more important than intelligence.

He's fully supportive of all your areas of study, even putting aside space in the tower for you to practice pottery. Just make sure to save a few pieces for him to admire and he'll be happy.

And as for the sex, let's just say for all Astarion can talk the talk, Gale walks the walk with avid enthusiasm. (He's the horniest mother fucker in the squad, fight me)

I'd honestly be nervous about making Crowley jealous somehow, but if all three of us can be besties, I'm down. Lol

6k Follower Celebration (requests are still open)

(5/30)

#6k followers #6000 follower celebration #gale of waterdeep #gale dekarios #aziraphale #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #good omens

[essektheylyss]

Actually, watching folks continue to insist that any queer relationship that isn't explicitly and overtly romantic or sexual in media is "cowardly" is not only exhausting, but genuinely fucking infuriating.

First, queer coding is not the same as queerbaiting, and queer coding absolutely had and still has its place in all types of art, second, it's restricting to the types of characters and stories that queer artists can create, especially queer creators who are not out, professionally or at all, and third, your conceptualization of what is queer enough is exclusionary. End of story.

#literally where does anyone get the fucking audacity. I'm goddamn sick of it. #from the bottom of my bi ace heart. absolutely fuck you. #yes I have straight up blocklisted fandoms over this cuz I was sick of hearing about it.

[hematomes]

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

As a lesbian, I would like to speak on that bizarre rant if I may. This is gonna be long. CW for mention of s//icide.

Yaeyato shippers, or any m/f shippers for the most part don’t just ship m/f ships to be lesbophobic. Myself along with many other lesbians actually quite enjoy some of the m/f ships in Genshin, and were actually talked over—by non-lesbians—when we stood up for the m/f shippers being harassed.

It’s incredibly insulting to compare someone shipping two characters with undefined sexualities to ‘oppression’. The ship is legal, the characters don’t have canon sexualities. Oppression is not seeing a ship you don’t like.

It is not lesbian erasure if the character isn’t canonically a lesbian. Yes, it’s a popular head canon with Yae, but that’s all it is, a head canon.

The anon tried their best to brush over the fact that a lot of m/f shippers have been being harassed—“the w/w shippers who SENT THREATS ‘had good intentions’”. Take it from someone on Twitter, threats are the very least of what m/f shippers get. The yaeyato tag was spammed with irl gore, nsfw, and s//cide baits. A few artists had their art “fixed”, too. I’m not sure how sending death threats and spamming tags with gore can be counted as “good intentions.” I very much hope you don’t condone the harassment. I’m ashamed of every one of these freaks who thinks

How can straight people “take” the characters? Everyone can and does enjoy the characters in the way they like. Through shipping, whether it be gay or straight. Once again, NO ONE in Genshin has canon sexualities.

I guarantee the people who like Ittosara and Jeanluc purely to be lesbophobic are few and far between. They’re cute ships, just as cute as Jeanlisa or Sara x the shogun. Also Jeanluc is my jam, so fight me. I can’t speak on behalf of bi folks, but a close friend of mine who is bi loves IttoSara and went through hell for it, so I could be wrong but there seems to be a bit of biphobia in the mix as well from what she told me.

I’m getting tired of people comparing ships they don’t like to oppression.

The ‘representation’ caters to no one and everyone, since no one has defined sexualities.

“It’s stupid to compare death threats to oppression” no, it’s stupid to send gore and death threats to people over a ship. If you think someone shipping something that goes against your head canon is oppression, then you sure are privileged.

I apologize if this is aggressive, but that post made me SO FUCKIN MAD. I love representation as much as the next lesbian, but this ain’t it. Harassing, doxing, threatening, all because of a character who’s not even confirmed to be a lesbian?! I’ve seen the argument that Yae is based off of a lesbian honkai character, but this is a completely different game. Yae can be straight, lesbian, bi, pan, ace, as can all of the Genshin characters, because none of them have confirmed sexualities. People like this just make us look bad.

Yes there are some lesbophobes who ship m/f ships, absolutely. Some of the stuff I’ve seen is revolting. But honestly my heart goes out to anyone who experiences harassment over perfectly fine ships. I really don’t think it’s fair to say m/f ships exist to spite us lesbians or wlw shippers. From what I’ve seen yaeyato shippers and any ‘straight’ ships get a lot of hate, and comparing a freaking ship to oppression? Touch some grass, Anon. Bottom line, both wlw and m/f shippers are always getting harrassed by each other and I’m so fucking sick of it.

Ship IttoSara. Ship KokoSara. Ship JeanLisa. Ship Jeanluc. Ship Eimiko. Ship YaeYato. But FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING UNDER THE FUCKIN SUN stop comparing harmless ships to the oppression we face. Trust me, we have much bigger issues to worry about than a ship not being gay.

Once again the rage is targeted at that freak who made the ask. I’m very thankful to you for being a good ally and refraining from speaking on our issues.

—🍓

i am simply gonna post this for exposure, im glad you took the time to write all of this /gen thank you very much

(edited bc i put the wrong tag like a dumb fuck)

#i really wish i could give some sort of opinion but 1. as i said not my place #and 2. i don't have any because im not lesbian nor straight so im just. trying to take everything into account #i apologize if i did anything that could indicate otherwise and i hope i didn't overstep in any way #im glad we're getting several opinions on this tho /gen #cw: suicide mention #cw suicide mention #tw suicide mention #tw: suicide mention #[☂️] 🍓 anon / 💜

[choruscas]

suptober day 09: electric

please let me know if you’d like to be added to my tag list! (or removed if you prefer) it tags you in all my short stories like these so you never miss them!

-

Dean stared at his computer, trying to do research. Now he meant trying for a reason.

Trying as in, attempting to do something but completely failing because a celestial being with an extremely hot body just got done fucking working out. The way he walked out, sweat beading his grey shirt and sweeping through, out of breath and drinking water like it was nobody’s business, was so human that it ached his heart.

Jesus Christ, he was going to hell.

Again.

Maybe Castiel could pull him out of perdition again. Maybe grip him somewhere more intimate than his shoulder.

Woah.

Okay, anyways. Dean was scratching the back of his neck as a Castiel sat down in the chair, sighing with relief that he got to finally sit down. The hunter could see the angel’s biceps, which were veiny with exhaustion and Dean’s knees buckled, and he wasn’t even standing.

Dean swallowed, and proceeded to glue his eyes on his computer screen.

Reports from within the tulpa community suggest that these skills, once learned by the host, can be taught to tulpas, allowing them to manifest autonomously and initiate communication with the host whenever they please. Yep. Yuh huh. The core of a tulpa, and what differentiates it from a traditional imaginary friend, is the sense of disassociation between its and the host's conscious experiences. Totally.

Okay, Dean will admit, he wasn’t comprehending what he was reading. Instead, he was watching Castiel as he drank his water, some trickling down his chin. He wiped the water off his face using the bottom of his shirt, revealing a tan sliver of his stomach.

Holy fuck. That was hot.

Castiel ran his fingers through his hair, trying to make a mess of his natural sex hair which Dean would love to pull.

Dean had enough of it. “Cas, you alright?” he asked, peering over the laptop to see his thick thighs in shorts.

Castiel sighed, running another set of five digits through his hair. “Yes. I have come to find that exercise is very relaxing, but the aftermath is uncomfortable.”

“You’re tellin’ me.” he replied with a smirk. “What did you do?”

The angel looked up, contemplating and calculating what he did. In all honesty, he probably did a fuckton which would drag Dean in the dirt compared to what he could limit himself to.

The October air was cool and crisp, and the air conditioning was on at about 72°. Normally it was around mid-sixties, but the bunker got cold easily, so the air outside affected it mightily. Sam had complained that it was too hot, but Dean had argued and said he was older, so he got dibs on the AC.

“About two-hundred ten push-ups, um... seventy bench presses - which I think weighed approximately a ton - and a plank for fifteen minutes. Not too bad.” Castiel smiled thinly. “It has been a while since I have worked out, so I’m starting out slow.”

Dean’s eyeballs nearly fell out of his sockets, staring at Castiel like he had two heads. In all honesty, his true form probably had two heads, but when Dean had asked before, Castiel had simply blushed and left the room.

The hunter coughed into his fist. “Yeah. Not too bad. Good job, buddy.” he said, voice straining because the piercing blue eyes were staring at him like he hung the moon and stars, with such content that it made Dean wanna get get on his knees.

And it may or may not be because of the thought of Castiel working out was so numbfucking hot that it made his brain rot.

He nodded. “Thank you, Dean.” Castiel replied sincerely.

-

Castiel had left the room to do whatever healthily-bodied angels do — thanks a fuckin’ lot Sammy, now Cas is a health freak — and Dean continued his research. He grabbed a bottle of beer from the kitchen to drown out whatever the fuck gay thoughts he had for that man, like he normally did.

Fuck. Dean had always known he was bi, but he didn’t know how Sam would feel about it, or Castiel, in that matter. Could angels be homophobic? Fallen angels? He didn’t think so, but he didn’t want to risk being shunned by the people he loved.

And... were in love with.

But that wasn’t the point, what the point was is that Dean may or may not have been having a major bi panic because—

Oh. Fuck.

“Dean?”

Castiel had walked out into the crow’s nest wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. His hair was soaked with water that was messier than Dean had ever seen it. His hipbones were sharp with healthiness and exercise, and Dean felt as if he could slice his fingers on the V-line once he got his hands on them.

His skin was so tan and his whole body was just absolute perfection.

Practically wiping away the drool from his mouth, Dean shook his head. “Uh— what’s up, Cas?”

His eyes were practically glued on his chest, thoughts of... things filled his head and heart precariously.

Suddenly his pants hardened with want for the angel. He couldn’t control it and he grabbed one of his books and hastily put it on his lap, nearly dropping it in the process.

“I left my clothes inside of the dryer and when I went to go get them, somebody took them.”

Thank God for little brothers.

“I think Sam must’a took ‘em. He’s... uh— he’s not here anymore. Probably practicing some sign language with Eileen.” Dean thinned his lips and nodded.

He then forced himself to look back at his book, his arm flat on the table and his fingers on the edge of the page.

He couldn’t. He couldn’t give in to the temptation. Rejection was one of his fears, and who knows what would happen to his heart if Castiel rejected him. His mind would be flooded with guilt and the angel probably couldn’t look at him the same again. If that happened, Dean’s heart would be shattered and nothing else would matter anymore. Castiel was his everything, and he couldn’t just throw it away because Castiel’s humanism tendencies got the best of him.

“I— uh... I hope you find your clothes...” Dean closed his book shit and began to stand up.

Going to the hallway past a Castiel, Dean practically dragged himself over to his room.

Before he walked too far, somebody had grabbed his shoulder.

“Dean.”His favorite whiskey voice, tinged with the fabric of leather and the smell of black coffee called his name. The way the angel said his name made his bones rattle,

The touch was electrifying.

Dean turned and was met face to face with the oceanic blue eyes that he couldn’t get enough of. The pink lips that he’s always wondered what it would taste like, and the soft skin he always craved to feel.

He found out later that night.

Perfect.

(tags below)

@potato-painter

#suptober #suptober20 #day 09 #day 9 #electric #deancas #destiel #oneshots #electrifying #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel

[recurring-polynya]

I’m a huge RenRuki fan so I’m stoked to find this page of glorious work and active engagement relating to this topic I could go on about! I was wondering... during their separation, do you think Renji and Rukia slept with/dated other people? One more than the other? Just wanna know your insight since you put so much depth into their relationship. I love it. (I personally like to think that Renji had a bit of a “hoe phase” especially while he was in the 11th)

Tumblr is so great, I can’t believe people actually value my opinion on this stuff (this is absolutely one of my favorite topics). Thank you so much for your kind words, and I am ecstatic for the opportunity to pontificate on this topic.

Just to clarify, if you were asking for my opinion on the source material, and I had to “support my opinion” or “cite references”, my actual interpretation of canon is that no, they were absolutely celibate during this time. Rukia had a cute li’l crush on her vice-captain and Renji probably went on one very heterosexual date with a girl once and felt bad about it for a year.

When I am being generous and world-buildy, I like to consider the fact that shinigami are souls. They do not have bodies or hormones and so I can get behind the idea that bonds of family and friendship are far more important than sex and attraction, because those are fundamentally earthly concerns. In the hands of a thoughtful, talented, preferably ace writer, this could be an incredibly interesting setting but that is, uh, not consistent with any other aspect of Soul Society, including the fact that they sell sexy calendars of the captains, plus Kubo took the time out to canonically remind us that Soul Reapers poop and have babies.

So, instead, here is the horny Polynya headcanon version, which is what you probably wanted anyway. I’m putting it under a cut because it gets a little R-rated, and also it’s hella long, but the short answer is Renji absolutely had a slutty phase.

Some people headcanon that Rukia and Renji were actually in a romantic relationship at the time of her adoption, and if that’s your reading of it, and you want to believe that they waited for each other out of loyalty, I suppose I can get behind that.

I don’t think they were together, though. I waver from time to time about how physical their affection got in Rukongai, but I think they fell in love and never admitted it. When their last friend died, they both became absolutely terrified of losing the other, so they came to the Seireitei in order to get strong and not die. I don’t think Rukia ever wanted to be Soul Reaper, to be honest. Given the strength of her principles and her particular moral code, I do think she is a great one, in the style of “I would never want to be in a club that would have me in it.” Consistent with Oetsu’s trial in the Royal Realm, I think Renji was born (died?) to be a Soul Reaper and Rukia knew this and also that he would never go unless she went with him. She absolutely regarded getting him into Shin’ou as saving his life and getting him where he belonged.

Once they were in school, I think they had to keep their distance socially if they wanted to succeed. The Gotei runs entirely on nepotism, and Rukongai kids who don’t adapt are looking at Squad 11 or 4, best case scenario. Even if they were aware of their feelings for each other, they had to play it cool for now. Renji is a long-term planner, and I think he set his sights on pass tests -> graduate -> get Gotei position -> live happily ever after with Rukia. Rukia is not so good at long term planning, and also not so good at formal education and I think she just got depressed and salty, especially because she was never sure if he actually returned her feelings or not. I absolutely think that when she accepted the adoption, she assumed she was leaving Renji to his live his best life, and at least going somewhere she was wanted.

Even though we, the reader, are presented this story as a tragedy, in many ways, this is exactly what they had hoped for. They lived. That’s it. That’s all they ever wanted. Renji got to have his perfect job and Rukia got to live in indescribable luxury. They are both so, so happy about this and have no idea why their faces are so wet right now.

The last thing either of them wants, to be honest, is the other one pining after them. They have each accepted trudging through their life in misery because they think they have made the other happy. There’s a scene were Byakuya shows up to the Squad 6 holding cells to announce to Rukia that he has no plans to save her, and Renji looks just devastated, not just because Rukia’s gonna die, but because he thought he was sending her to happiness.

Also, on a meta level, I am middle aged, and for me, the romance of only ever being with one person is boring as hell. The idea that they would get together and lose their virginity to each other just makes me indescribably tired. Childhood-friends-to-lovers isn’t actually that interesting to me-- it is the separation itself that makes it spicy-- that they went off and had other life experiences-- and sexual experiences, and came back found that they loved this person even more now.

I headcanon Rukia as very horny and pro-sex in theory, but has is a big problem of opportunity. On one hand, I think she and Byakuya have a firm don’t-ask-don’t-tell policy, where as long as she stays out of the gossip columns, he doesn’t care what she does. On the other hand, though, I feel like secret affairs are kinda hard to manage, especially since she entered the noble network late in life. Anyway, I figure she’s had a number of casual affairs, mostly with other nobles who are invested in not getting caught, and also do not have any interest in any sort of emotional attachment. I think Rukia is absolutely bi, and mostly slept with ladies because they were more likely to be discreet, although there was probably a dude or two in there somewhere. Rukia only has two relatinship modes-- detached and ride-or-die, and she was very careful to keep everything in category 1, because she had no expectation of ever having a functional relationship that would go anywhere; no one she was actually interesting in being with would ever pass Kuchiki muster. I think she tried dating a nice boy from Squad 8 once, and everyone in Squad 13 thought it was the cutest thing they had ever seen. They went on three dates and never kissed and Rukia hated it and never did it again. She let herself have a huge crush on both Kaien and Miyako Shiba, because she was absolutely sure it could never go anywhere, and that definitely played into her devastation at their death. She may have had some Bad Decisions Sex in the wake of that, but I think for the most part, the affairs became more trouble than they were worth, and she’s been on a pretty long dry spell around the time we meet her.

That being said, I think Rukia is a lady who takes care of herself, if you get my drift. I think she has an extensive collection of erotic romance novels, a good imagination, and Kuchiki money worth of self-service sex toys. I think by the time she and Renji actually hook up, she has decades worth of pent up fantasies, and fortunately for her, he is intrigued by her ideas and would like to sign up for her newsletter, please and thank you.

Speaking of Renji, let’s talk about Renji! After Rukia left, I think Renji Made Some Plans and buckled down into a long, hard haul of Making Himself Worthy of Seeing Rukia Again. He made it through school, he went into Squad 5 with Izuru and Momo and... lost 90% of his momentum. This is exactly the scenario of the kid who busts ass through college to follow their dream, and then two years into their dream job, realizes that they are going to be formatting pivot tables in Excel for the next 15 years before they get to do anything remotely interesting. At this point, Renji is young, hot, bisexual, inked, and not very satisfied with his day job, and Thus Began the Ho Period.

Momo and Izuru hate this. They hate it so much. They have both had big crushes on Renji since school and they are right there. It wouldn’t be so bad if he would find a nice sweet partner that they like, but no, he just goes off on weeknights and comes home reeking of alcohol and covered in hickeys and ruining his career even though his job performance is actually fine. The fact is, even though he has always acted like he doesn’t know, of course he knows they like him, he’s not dumb, but Izuru and Momo are the type of people who mate for life, and Renji absolutely knows how badly he would break their hearts. He can’t even talk about it with them, all he can do it pretend like he doesn’t notice and hope they’ll realize what trash he is. He still loves Rukia and will always love Rukia and has made peace with the idea that he will likely never get to be with her-- he’s still working towards it because he must, because it would kill him to give up, but he knows that he’s only good for a fight or a fuck and not much else. Their friendship gets increasingly strained until Momo and Izuru can’t understand anything he does and he can’t stand them caring so damn much.

Anyway, this escalates in deciding to leave Nice, Respectable Squad 5 entirely, and joining the French Foreign Legion Squad 11. Squad 11 respects a man’s right to wallow, and Renji takes a swan dive to rock bottom. His only saving grace is his training with Ikkaku, which he takes absolutely seriously. Yumichika eventually takes interest in Renji, and teaches him how to take care of his hair and have standards. Yumichika and Ikkaku realize that if they can make him Functional, they can get him to do paperwork, so they help him beat the Sixth Seat and let him start hanging out with their friends.

Renji is still sleeping around at this point, but at least he’s sleeping around with a better class of people. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, Polynya, has Matsumoto ever pegged Renji? (You probably weren’t actually thinking that) The answer is yes, Matsumoto has absolutely pegged Renji, and she was utterly delighted to give Rukia tips later on. Rukia does not begrudge Renji his slutty period in the least, because she knows that, given the opportunity, she probably would have been Worse, and also, he’s slept with 3/4 of the Gotei and picked her out of all of them, and also, he’s just incredible at oral.

The slutty phase tapered off when Renji had a bit of an actual relationship with Shuuhei. First of all, they are absolutely each other’s types, physically. Secondly, Shuuhei (whom I headcanon as significantly less pathetic and more bisexual than in canon) would be able to handle being in a relationship that is fun and supportive, even if it’s not destined to last. He is well aware that Renji is devoted to beating Captain Kuchiki and that he’s never going to truly be able to be in love with anyone until he gets some closure with Rukia, but that’s a long way off, and Shuuhei’s got his own baggage, who doesn’t have baggage? So they sleep together and go to the bar together and hold hands sometimes and tool around on the motorbike and wear a lot of leather and Hisagi cooks Renji food and Renji eats it and they’re pretty happy for a few years.

Eventually, around the time he gets serious about trying to make vice-captain, Renji starts to hang out with Izuru and Momo again, who have recently made vice-captain themselves, and are really happy to see that he’s gotten himself back on the wagon. He’s started thinking about Rukia a lot again, and he’s feeling a little bad because he loves Shuuhei, but he’s not in love with Shuuhei, and also, Shuuhei and Izuru have started looking at each other when they go out drinking, so Renji claims he needs to concentrate on the vice-captain’s exam and they have some nice breakup sex and then he sliiiiiides on outta there like a good bro and is very happy for his friends when they start hooking up.

Did that cover it? Boy, I had a lot of thoughts on that, huh? To summarize: They both saw other people. Renji had way more sex, just a tremendous amount of sex, but always carried a torch for Rukia (not really intentionally, I think he would have liked to be able to get over her, he just couldn’t), whereas I think she really did give up on him for a while.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk, please read my fanfiction, where I am constantly hinting at all this stuff, I swear I will eventually finish that Squad 11 story.

#renruki #bleach headcanons #rukia kuchiki #renji abarai #i have at least 3 in-progress fanfics that tackle various aspects of this #maybe i should... finish one? #¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[homespork-review]

HOMESPORK ACT 5 ACT 1: Mobius Double Plusungood, Part 3

TW: """funny""" sexual and physical assault of a child by another child, extreme bullying, extreme ableism, a very brief discussion of shipping characters outside their canon sexuality.

CHEL: We get some implications of the part of troll culture we ended on last time when a slightly baffled-looking Nepeta, watching through the viewport, updates her SHIPPING WALL. Instead of hearts, some of the hypothetical pairings she’s painted are marked with diamonds. What this means will be explained shortly.

I can’t help but feel it’s slightly creepy to hypothetically matchmake your own friends, but I’m pretty sure the other trolls know at least that the shipping wall exists if not exactly which ships they’re in, and they do live in a society in which it’s stated later that mating is mandatory, so it would indeed be helpful to have at least emergency-doable matchmaking done well in advance and they might appreciate the help.

I’d like to take a moment to note a ship at the bottom row, left of centre; GA/Tavros. Hussie, on his Formspring, later said that GA was “obviously” a lesbian, or anyway was only interested in women, which doesn’t have a specific term for it in troll culture. It’s actually hard to tell going by what’s shown in canon, because she only displays specific interest in girls except for in a complicated case we’ll discuss later, but trolls are supposed to be bi-normative, plus it’s not like the male selection here is particularly inspiring, so, yeah, the evidence we actually see isn't conclusively "obvious". The fandom, knowing this, systematically harass anyone who even muses vaguely about the possibility of shipping her with a boy, even if they don't know about that Word of God. This is why I’m wondering whether the trolls knew about the shipping wall, because if they did, we can presume GA didn’t care. For the record, I’m sex-repulsed ace and have in fact written about.my own imaginary persona fucking (admittedly fucking an opposite sex clone of herself, it was a complicated injoke) and my reaction to someone else writing it would depend on context and reason, so I can imagine her reacting similarly, but not everyone would. A similar thing with a canonically gay male character explicitly on-screen not caring about hypothetical shipping of himself with girls comes up much later; he’s not a troll, but his upbringing was troll-influenced (long story).

BRIGHT: Harassing people over the ships they make content for always baffles me. It’s not like fanart/fanfic for a ship which contradicts canon has any effect on the canon, and playing around with character dynamics (often in a pornographic manner) is a major part of fanfic.

CHEL: On top of all this, gender and sexuality are really shaky concepts to even try to apply to a species which reproduces hermaphroditically. On this side of the fourth wall it’s obviously because Hussie is a not-very-reflective cisgender heterosexual man, and didn’t think about it any further than “girls wear skirts, right?” Plenty of people fanwank up possibilities for how it could happen on the other side. I think we may have to make a “What The Fuck Is Alternian Biology And Sociology” post or two separate from the sporking at the very end.

Discourse discussion over! Next page, we see some of the relevant terminology used in troll culture, though we still don’t get any explanation of what any of the words actually mean, which is a tad annoying for new readers. The context is a discussion between Karkat and Vriska about getting her into the game.

BRIGHT: Specifically, Karkat wants Vriska to get Tavros into the game, leading to this exchange…

CG: WHY DO YOU EVEN HATE HIM, IT'S FUCKING RIDICULOUS. CG: IF ANYTHING YOU SHOULD PITY HIM. CG: ESPECIALLY SINCE YOU WERE THE ONE WHO PARALYZED HIM. AG: I know. I don't really understand it. AG: It's just a really special kind of h8! It never goes away and it doesn't make a lot of sense. CG: THIS IS KIND OF A WEIRD TIME TO BE CONFIDING IN ME ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS OF BLACK ROMANCE BUT OK. AG: Oh god, what? CG: I MEAN IF YOU'RE REALLY IMPLYING TAVROS IS YOUR KISMESIS I THINK YOU'RE BRAYING UP THE WRONG FROND NUB. CG: BOTH PARTIES HAVE TO HATE EACH OTHER EQUALLY, I MEAN LIKE TRUE HATE. CG: MAYBE YOUR FEELINGS COME SOMEWHAT CLOSE TO FITTING THE BILL BUT I DON'T THINK HE CAN HATE ANYONE, IT'S WEIRD, HE'S KIND OF BROKEN IN THE HEAD.

Finally, our long-awaited introduction to troll romance!

And the introduction is an effective one. We now know that there’s something called ‘black romance’, that it concerns hate, and that one’s black-romantic partner is a ‘kismesis’. The conversation also flows naturally and fits the characters having it, rather than being an awkward as-you-know infodump, although brace yourselves, there’s one of those coming up. Thirteen is about right for kids starting to have romantic feelings and being confused about it, not wanting to talk about it is pretty normal, and Karkat lecturing people at a good opportunity is absolutely in character.

Karkat goes on to lecture Vriska about the emotions involved in different sorts of romantic relationships, and wow, it really says a lot about troll culture…

CG: OK, MOST PEOPLE WHO HAVEN'T HAD THEIR LOBE STEM CAUTERIZED ARE CAPABLE OF FEELING THE TWO PRIMARY EMOTIONS, HATE AND PITY. CG: PITY IS OF COURSE JUST THE TONED DOWN VERSION OF THE CENTRAL EMOTION, HATE. CG: AND ALL THE NUANCES OF PITY MANIFEST AS VARIOUS OTHER KINDS OF FEELINGS LIKE WHATEVER CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FONDNESS OR THE MYSTERIOUS FORCES THAT ARE BEHIND MOIRALLEGIANCE.

CHEL: It’s never really clear if this is just Karkat’s idea of it or if this is how trolls actually work biologically. Trolls do use the word “love” later on, so I always interpreted it as “pity” being a euphemistic term because “love” in such a warlike and oppressive culture could be exploited as a weakness. Fandom has played it with their love actually being based on a weird form of sympathy/seeing the other as needing protection, which is also plausible.

FAILURE ARTIST: I have played with the pity thing before but in retrospect Karkat is the only one who seems to see it that way. Maybe this is all his fake deep teenager view of romance.

BRIGHT: Vriska makes a performance of how bored she is, but Karkat’s on a roll.

CG: A WELL BALANCED PERSON IS IS GOING TO HAVE A GOOD DISTRIBUTION BETWEEN HATE AND THE VARIOUS PITY HUMORS. CG: HAVING A GOOD BALANCE KEEPS ALL THE EMOTIONS SHARPER, SEE I THINK THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM. AG: Oh???????? AG: I hope you know I already wore out some good note-taking pens today. All the pens. AG: All of them. CG: SEE, MY HATE IS LIKE A FINELY TUNED INSTRUMENT BECAUSE I'M AWARE OF THESE PRINCIPLES. CG: I COULD HATE A HOLE IN PARADOX SPACE ITSELF, STRAIGHT THROUGH TO A NEW REALITY FRESH FOR THE HATING. AG: Hahahahahahahaha, you don't even know how much I'm laughing at this. CG: BUT SEE, YOU'RE TOO HEAVY ON THE HATE SIDE, OR AT LEAST YOU PRETEND TO BE WHICH IS MAYBE WORSE. AG: You aren't reading anything I say are you? You just want to talk and talk and talk. CG: AND YOU THINK YOU'RE HATING UP EVERYONE HARD WHEN YOU'RE REALLY JUST BURNING OUT THAT ENTIRE EMOTIONAL HEMISPHERE. CG: IT'S LIKE LUKEWARM HATE. PRETENDER'S HATE, WITH NO COUNTERPOINT AT ALL. CG: AS SUCH THERE'S NO REAL SUBSTANCE TO YOUR HATE, IT'S LIKE A CARDBOARD MOVIE PROP. CG: WHICH IS WHY YOUR BRAIN IS BROKEN, KIND OF LIKE TAVROS'S BUT ON THE OPPOSITE HEMISPHERE I GUESS. CG: OR MAYBE YOUR BROKEN BRAIN LED TO THE IMBALANCE IN THE FIRST PLACE, I DON'T KNOW. CG: WHATEVER THE CASE IS, YOU'RE KIND OF EMOTIONALLY SCREWED, SORRY TO SAY. CG: YOUR HATE'S TOO DULL FOR A PROPER KISMESIS, IN MY OPINION. CG: AND I DON'T SEE ANYONE CHOMPING AT THE BIT TO BE YOUR MOIRAIL HONESTLY, UNLESS THERE'S SOMEONE OUT THERE WHO WOULD ACTUALLY BOTHER PITYING YOU. CG: AND LANDING A MATESPRIT? HAHAHAHA! CG: SERIOUSLY, LIKE THAT WOULD EVEN INTEREST YOU. CG: BASICALLY ANY FEATURE OF YOUR EMOTIONAL PROFILE THAT USUALLY MAKES SOMEONE VIABLE IN THE REDROM DEPARTMENT MUST BE TOTALLY FRIED. CG: YOUR BLACKROM POTENTIAL'S PROBABLY TOAST TOO.

Whew.

So now we have ‘kismesis’, ‘moirail’, and ‘matesprit’ as terms for romantic partners, as well as the concepts of black romance, red romance, and ‘moirallegiance’ as the relationship one has with a moirail. Troll romance is not going to get any less confusing for a while.

If Karkat’s grasp of psychology strikes you as amateurish, there’s a reason for that: He gets all his knowledge from romance movies.

AG: Hey asshole, stop watching movies for girls.

I think that’s another strike against the ‘girls are the dangerous ones on Alternia’ argument. Romance movies, per this exchange, are both female-coded and seen as inferior -- Karkat defends his viewing choices by saying they’re INTRIGUING SOCIOLOGICALLY, but Vriska isn’t buying it.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 42 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 33

CHEL: I’m not sure an interest in the workings of romance should be a socially gendered thing in a society where, as it turns out, you have to have an acceptable romantic partner by a certain time or die. You’d think most kids would be trying as hard as they could to learn and put into practice everything they could about it, and you’d also think there’d be better information for them than romcoms.

BRIGHT: Has the mate-or-die part come up yet? I’m not sure when Hussie thought of it.

CHEL: I don’t know if he’d thought of it yet, but it does come up very soon.

BRIGHT: Karkat then moves on to the original reason he contacted Vriska -- he needs her and her mind powers in the game, because he’s just run into a double agent called Jack.

Over on the next panel, Karkat is still talking to Vriska, but he’s glancing back over his shoulder at Jack Noir. His hand is covered in blood, which keeps cycling through a range of colours. The blood, it transpires, is because Jack stabbed him. Karkat is amazingly calm about this.

CG: HE'S COOL, IT'S FINE I DON'T REALLY MIND THE STABBING, IT WAS ALL A MISUNDERSTANDING. CG: WELL OK I'M PRETTY SURE HE MEANT TO STAB ME. CG: BUT I KIND OF THINK THAT'S LIKE CG: THE WAY HE GREETS PEOPLE? AG: This game is so stupid. CG: IN ANY CASE I THINK HE'S PROBABLY ALL STABBED OUT.

This would be ridiculously chill even from someone who isn’t extremely cagey about his blood colour -- and it’s not that Karkat suddenly doesn’t care any more, because as soon as Vriska says she’ll ask Terezi or Jack what colour he’s bleeding, he tells her that he’s out of Terezi’s range, Jack is sworn to secrecy, and Sollux (who’s incommunicado) is the only one who knows how to make Trollian’s viewport feature work. (Given we saw how easy it is to use earlier, I’m surprised Vriska doesn’t try to figure it out herself.)

Over on the next panel, the viewer is now Jack, a few minutes prior to this conversation. Contrary to Karkat’s protestations, Jack stabs him because He's got a pretty sharp tongue and can't seem to keep it sheathed. He is curious when Karkat cares less about the wound and more about Jack seeing his blood colour, which is apparently some freakish mutation. Jack looks at his knife…

CHEL: While it’s not a realistic depiction of the colour, recall that this is the shade of red used in-comic to depict human blood. This reveal probably isn’t a surprise to anyone by now, if you’ve encountered fanart, and honestly it wasn’t a huge mindblowing revelation on my first read before I knew, but I do think it’s a clever little “aha, THAT’S why!” moment. Skilfully done.

It seems he's the only one of his kind with this mutant candy-red blood. An outcast. He thinks he was put on this planet covered in an ocean of his own blood to be taunted. Punished for something. Saddest story you ever heard. Got to do something to shut him up.

BRIGHT: Awww. That’s kind of sweet.

This little interchange gave rise to the ‘Stabdads’ fandom phenomenon, where Spades Slick is envisaged as Karkat’s father-figure. In Homestuck canon, it’s dubious how much affection Slick has for Karkat. He seems more irritated by him than anything else, but that’s about on par for how he treats the rest of the Midnight Crew. On the other hand, it clearly makes a massive impact on Karkat. We’ve seen how important blood colour is on Alternia and how insecure he is about his own; his sudden rush of fellow-feeling towards Jack is understandable, even if it does make him way too forgiving about having been stabbed.

CHEL: Karkat and Jack shake hands, and proceed to be in cahoots. Cahoooooooots. Doodling on the defaced parking ticket from earlier, they draft OPERATION REGISURP.

Your whole team executes the plan along the course of its journey, employing espionage, mind control tactics, political sabotage, vicious interrogations and cold blooded assassinations. Everyone does their part and you begin to learn the true meaning of teamwork, as well as this troll disease called friendship.

Yeah, it actually happening is skipped over with one paragraph, but that’s probably a good thing with all the complexity already going on, and we do hear more details about it. First, we’re reminded of the existence and functions of the Queens’ Rings, the magic rings the queens of Derse and Prospit have which give them traits and powers from whatever the players put in their sprites. The trolls have put their lusii in their sprites, except for Aradia, whose lusus died long ago, so she got in the sprite herself. The Queen could put up with getting bits and pieces from eleven hideous monsters (well, ten hideous monsters and one adowable little fairybull thing oh my gosh it’s cuuuute) tacked onto her, but what she absolutely won’t stand for is the other thing Aradia put in her sprite…

She could not stand bearing the visage of the most loathsome creature known to existence. So vile is its appearance, so contemptible its purpose, all depictions of the creature let alone members of its population are permanently banned from any jurisdiction in the reach of her agents. Those of its kind go by many names, and so does the reviled patron god they herald - THE GREAT DETESTATION, KING PONDSQUATTER, SPEAKER OF THE VAST JOKE, or most commonly, BILIOUS SLICK.

Recall that AR thought of the hieroglyphs in the Frog Temple as “illegal pictography”. We’ll find out later why the Black Queen has such a revulsion for frogs, it’s important. But the important part right now is that she took the ring off. At the time of planning it’s in the ROYAL VAULT.

We briefly see a moment in the future of the Black Queen wrapped in rags, just like the human sessions’ White Queen, wandering the desert as the BANISHED QUASIROYAL, and the caption notes the plan was a success.

However, Doc Scratch appears in the desert in front of her, and it’s noted she was given a new purpose. This, it seems, is the origin of Snowman.

FAILURE ARTIST: I would like if there was some canon Homestuck material expanding on this REGISURP plot.

BRIGHT: Same! It sounds really interesting. One example of Homestuck’s idiosyncratic pacing, I suppose -- we spend pages and pages on trivial alchimeter nonsense, but skip over something more meaty.

CHEL: The Red Team work on that, while the Blue Team battle their own session… or so they think. Yeah, I’m sure you’ve all already figured it out, but the trolls hadn’t just yet. They note that their prototypes are affecting the opposite team’s underlings, and the readers are shown Alternia’s two Frog Temples, one near Aradia’s home and the other near Kanaya’s, each with six pillars outside (one seems to have five, but the sixth is hidden behind the building). Superimposed on each other, the pillars make a full ring of twelve.

The truth was it had always been the same session all along. That your teams were not competing, but cooperating toward a common goal. In the more drawn out form of this adventure's narrative, figuring this out would have been a huge deal. We would have been completely blown away by this stunning revelation. Wow. Same session all along. Really? Huh.

This is what Aradia’s been so mysterious about. She knew. We’re provided with a handy diagram, in case we haven’t been able to keep up.

After watching the phrases MOBIUS DOUBLE and REACH AROUND toggle for a few minutes while in a sort of stupor, you finally snap out of it.

(I just noticed, the Blue Team are the Derse dreamers and the Red Team are the Prospit dreamers. Neat!)

The reader’s attention is drawn instead to the Aquarius and Pisces symbols in the top left, belonging to characters we haven’t met yet, and the narration promises we’ll learn about them soon. Drawing attention again to GA’s Virgo symbol, the narration muses about her.

It will probably be quite some time before you get to be her. It could very well be pages and pages and pages.

Naturally, we jump right back to her.

GA’s intro is long, so we’ll take it piece by piece.

Your name is KANAYA MARYAM.

The Sanskrit name for Virgo is “Kanya”, and it’s also the name of a town in Japan. “Maryam” is the Arabic version of “Mary”, as in Jesus’ mother. It may also be a reference to Marya Zaleska, the title character of the movie “Dracula’s Daughter”.

You are one of the few of your kind who can withstand the BLISTERING ALTERNIAN SUN, and perhaps the only who enjoys the feel of its rays. As such, you are one of the few of your kind who has taken a shining to LANDSCAPING. You have cultivated a lush oasis around your hive, and in particular, you have honed your craft through the art of TOPIARY, sculpting your trees to match the PUFFY ORACLES from your dreams. You have embraced the tool of this trade, which conveniently is the weapon of choice for those who would hunt the HEINOUS BROODS OF THE UNDEAD which crawl from the sand at sunrise to feast on the light and the living.

Couple things established here; trolls are not only nocturnal but actively harmed by their planet’s sun, and undead beings other than ghosts exist. Said traditional weapon for hunting them is a chainsaw, which we can see lying against her bookshelf, a reference to the Evil Dead movies.

It would be convenient if you actually hunted them, but it is of course far too dangerous, every bit as suicidal as attempting to poach the terrible MUSCLEBEASTS who roam at night. So you indulge in your bright fascination with the grim through literature. Just before the sun goes down and you join your flora in rest, you immerse yourself in tales of RAINBOW DRINKERS and SHADOW DROPPERS and FORBIDDEN PASSION.

Rainbow drinkers are, as discussed later on, troll vampires. I don’t think shadow droppers are ever expanded on, but they might be zombies or werebeasts. Troll goths, apparently, are the reverse of human goths, dressing in bright colours and staying up in the daytime, which makes sense for a species who can only safely go out at night.

You are one of the few of your kind with JADE GREEN BLOOD. As such you are one of the few who could be selected and raised by a VIRGIN MOTHER GRUB, an event so rare as to elude documented precedent. She would defend you from desert threats, and though her life would be short, in time you would assure her of progeny.

Recall that the Mother Grub is required for troll reproduction.

You are a SEAMSTRESS or a RAGRIPPER or a TREETRIMMER or a LUMBERJACK, whichever you care to be, and your unique hive is equipped with a great supply of advanced technology to accommodate your interests. The technology and indeed the hive itself were all recovered from the ruins nearby when you were very young. The seed of your hive was deployed on the volcanic rocks beneath the sand with the assistance of your lusus and her remarkable burrowing skills, and you have lived there happily together since. You know the ruins and the hive and everything here that is not sand and rock originated from the world of your dreams. You also know that one day you will visit this world while you are awake. That day is today.

Like Jade, Kanaya has been awake on Prospit for years, and the technology in question is Skaian in origin, so that’s how she knows what’s going on with the game.

Kanaya is prompted to equip her chainsaw, which promptly turns into a lipstick in a Problem Sleuth reference. Like Jade, she has a Wardrobifier, set to randomise, which suddenly turns her black shirt and red skirt into a red leaf-print dress. She takes out the lipstick.

You can choose between your trademark jade or black. Even though a troll's lips are naturally black. But they can always be blacker, and a lady with a true sense of style knows this.

She goes with green, her dress turns into a blue kimono, and she’s messaged by someone with a fuschia Pisces symbol. This person, named cuttlefishCuller, turns out to be rather excitable, greeting her in all caps and following it up with Glub glub glub glub glub!

BRIGHT: This conversation is pretty sweet, with some friendly joking about CC’s quirk (they stick hyphens in front of their capital Es) and mention of their Collapsing And Expanding Bladder Based Aquatic Vascular System. There’s another mention of moirails, with CC saying they’ll have to join the game late to keep an eye on theirs.

It also turns out both CC and Kanaya are having some premonitions of what’s to come! Kanaya is seeing visions in the clouds of Skaia, the same way Jade does, but CC hears whispers from a mysterious ‘she’ who needs her voice keeping down. It’s implied to be CC’s lusus, as both Kanaya and CC are aware their lusii are going to die soon.

Kanaya hopes to be with her lusus as she dies, but looks out of the window to find the Virgin Mother Grub has already passed away, apparently of natural causes.

CHEL: The Mother Grub was seen briefly before; it’s a moth-like creature with a huge fat body the size of a bus, with wings too small to ever lift it, horns the same shape as Kanaya’s, and a skull-like head with big lips. The skull on Terezi’s Doomsday Scale was, we can tell now, a Mother Grub, except quite a lot bigger - presumably a breeding Grub.

BRIGHT: Kanaya changes back into her original outfit, and goes down to live up to her end of the bargain… which entails slicing a hole in her lusus with her chainsaw and pulling out a round object covered in spikes the colour of trolls’ horns, called a Matriorb. Kanaya stores it in her sylladex; she’s using a CHASTITY MODUS, which locks each card away, and the key will serendipitously be discovered when it’s time for the card to be unlocked. These modii are getting more and more esoteric.

Kanaya proceeds to have a conversation with her own moirail, Vriska, which we already read earlier.

You then proceed to have the rest of this conversation we already read, bugging and fussing and meddling through the special and magical union one can only describe as being in moirallegiance with another. At least, you guess that's how you would describe it. Maybe. Troll romance sure is confusing!

Yes, yes it is. (Spoiler: It’s not that confusing once it’s explained.)

Kanaya doesn’t have long to dwell on the conversation, as she’s contacted by caligulasAquarium, someone with a violet Aquarius symbol who she doesn’t seem to think highly of. It rapidly becomes apparent why.

CA: kan make her talk to me do somethin GA: Who CA: your no good connivvin fuckin backstabbin girl crush thats wwho

CHEL: Trolls are supposed to come bi/pan as standard, so why does he need to specify “girl crush”? I wonder if Hussie hadn’t decided that yet when he wrote this part, but I’m not sure.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 34

CA’s gender hasn’t been revealed, but let’s not kid ourselves, we know from how he’s talking that he’s a dude. Nice Girls certainly exist but they don’t tend to get portrayed as so whiny in fiction, plus CC comes off as very girly, and that leaves us with six boy and six girl trolls. Balance and opposites and counterparts are a running theme throughout Homestuck. Not that there can’t be nonbinary characters, as some show up in Hiveswap; just that there would most likely have to be an even number of them, split evenly between the groups of players. Fine by me as a nonbinary person with a thing for balance and even numbers of my own.

Also, note that we’ve seen this guy, or at least his hand and foot, before. This is the litter-hater in the bowling shoes.

GA: Overstating Our Relationship Wont Make Me Feel Very Cooperative GA: Its Paler Red Than That Ok CA: pshhhhhh that is a fuckin laugh and you knoww it evveryone does CA: so help me out tell her to talk to me i think she blocked me you got to GA: Why Do I Got To GA: I Dont Got To And Every Time You Take My Help For Granted I Feel Like I Got To A Little Less CA: wwhatEVVER you are so the vvillage twwo wwheel devvice wwhen it comes to auspisticing CA: you cant let a grudge go by you wwont stick your busy stem betwwixt so get wwith the program fussyfangs

BRIGHT: Oh hey, another troll romance term! ‘Auspisticing’ is the last of the lot, don’t worry.

CA: wwho givves a shit wwhy she blocked me or about my fuckin manners come on youvve got a wway wwith her CA: i figure if youre going to auspisticize any twwo brinesuckers wwho sneer at each other a funny wway you might as wwell make it official and be ours right GA: Your Black Solicitation Just Seems Really Indecent

Funny words aside, Hussie does a good job at laying down context for what auspisticism is here; we now know that it involves mediating between two parties who dislike each other and that it’s a form of black romance. Meshing worldbuilding naturally into the dialogue is something Homestuck does really well at times.

Anyway, CA is trying to get in contact with Vriska because he asked her to make something for him and now she’s blowing him off.

GA: What Is It CA: kan stupid wwhat do you think its a fuckin gizmo to bloww up the wworld or somethin CA: ok wwell not that obvviously CA: but somethin thatll kill all land dwwellers wwhat else wwould i be after GA: Can You Just For A Moment Entertain The Thoughts Of One Untouched By Megalomaniacal Derangement And Tell Me Why Id Want To Assist You With That CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

While CA is obviously a douche, there’s something funny about how over-the-top he is about it and how utterly oblivious he is to the idea that Kanaya might have a problem with a device that would kill all landdwellers, although the humour is inversely proportionate to how likely he is to pull it off.

CHEL: Maybe I’m strange, but I think he’s adorable. I get the impression of a small kid trying to puff himself up to adult size.

BRIGHT: There’s also more romance talk, and this next bit is one I find interesting:

CA: you could either play along as our auspistice and do a little mediating like you wwere fuckin hatched to CA: or wwatch she and me devvolvve into fuckin full fledged kismesisses the kind like you dont get once in ten thousand swweeps CA: you knoww thats wwhat it wwould be there wwould be rainboww rivvers runnin through star systems and all nebulizin like liquid firewworks CA: it wwill be beautiful and heartbreaking all at once CA: you should read up on your history instead of poring through that godawwfull sunny rubbish

I’m going to take a step back from Homestuck itself for a moment and talk about kismessitude as it’s portrayed in fandom. People tend to envision it in a variety of ways -- some see it as a BDSM relationship, some as a way of pushing a rival to be better, some as just straight-up hate-sex -- but most depictions show it as something that only affects the two people involved.

Here, though? CA’s talking about kismessitude as something that’s potentially really damn dangerous, to other people besides those involved, and cites history as a backup -- implying it can really be that dangerous, and it’s not just a teenager’s flight of fancy. (Although, that said, CA is clearly using this to try and get Kanaya in a relationship with him, so how sincere he is is questionable.)

CHEL: Later on we do see a little bit of one of the historical cases he might have been citing. We’ll discuss it more then. Also, I do like him saying “sunny” instead of “gloomy”. Makes sense!

Kanaya tells CA none of this matters, and he sneers about the “purity of the bloodline”. That’s an… uncomfortable turn of phrase, especially since he’s speaking to someone not covered by the “purity” standard, but since it applies to aliens and it’s in a society where that’s hammered into its inhabitants it’s not a Problematykks issue. Kanaya tells him it still won’t matter because their race will be wiped out entirely, and his reaction is remarkably understated:

CA: huh CA: wwell ok HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 11

CA says he knows Kanaya doesn’t lie except to herself, surprisingly perceptive for one so puffed-up otherwise. CA might be smarter than he’s letting on? He asks if her clouds told her that; that was the reader’s assumption too, but she says no, she has a different source. Uh-oh. We know what the last source of information was, and it cost Vriska an arm and an eye-sevenfold. CA’s own clouds “hide nothin but misfortune and monstrosities”, so we can guess she’s Prospit and he’s Derse. He goes back to nagging her to tell Vriska to talk to him, and when she continues to refuse he poutily steps off.

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that

Kanaya denies this, and CA says everyone knows, including Karkat.

GA: Its Unbelievable GA: Her Patience CA: wwhat CA: wwhoa wwait wwho GA: Never Mind CA: ok wwait did she talk to you today CA: wwhat did she say CA: or glub or wwhatevver

They’re talking about CC, if it wasn’t clear. Kanaya, in a callback to John’s comment to Terezi, facetiously tells him that she talked about Longing To Touch You Indiscretely and That Shes Basically In The Scarlet Throes For You. CA, flustered, picks up that she’s teasing him, and she tells him the truth, that CC’s just concerned as a moirail.

CA: if youre not savvvvy about howw you define yourself to people CA: you can just splash into the moirail zone before you knoww wwhich wways upwward

I’m going to comment on this attitude in a bit more detail when we get a clearer explanation of what moirallegiance actually is. CA leaves her with some arc words.

CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

Kanaya heads back to her room, planning to emphatically not meddle but help her friends, and consults her source; it’s fortunately not a Doc Scratch-related one at all. It is, in fact, Rose’s long-forgotten GameFAQ, saved on a server floating in the Furthest Ring, to which Prospit’s clouds directed her. I have to show you the panel for a moment though…

I’m sure there was a way we could see the screen without having it facing away from Kanaya who’s supposed to be reading it.

You can only assume this took place a long time ago. This race is likely ancient, preceding yours by millions of sweeps. Maybe billions! You like to try to imagine the adventures of these players. Were they successful in repopulating their race? Did they manage to protect their matriorb and hatch a new mother grub? Could they hold it together, or were they torn apart by the complex social dynamics, the matespritships and moirallegiences and auspisticisms and kismesissitudes that will surely plague your group along the way? You have little doubt they succeeded with flying colors.

Oh dear, dramatic irony. Kanaya fantasises about a troll version of Rose, thinking she must have been the leader of this supposedly long-ago group.

And yet they appear to have been the only of their kind to have risen to the challenge in a session stacked heavily against them.

Huh. So is this just because Kanaya can’t find more information, or are the four kids in fact the only humans who successfully got into the game? Picking four specifically white-coded kids to be the last of the human race due to supposedly their own competence is… not a good choice. And why the hell couldn’t other people succeed? This strikes me as more of the whole theme of “nobody matters except the people we’re focusing on”. A good lampshading of video game tropes, but in a literary story, that’s the opposite message to everything I’ve ever read, and it’s a creepy one.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 43 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 12 WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 35

BRIGHT: I thiiiiiiiink it’s at least implied later on that there are other sessions going, it’s just that each session is a closed loop of players so we don’t see the others...although if that’s the case, does that mean Earth’s getting hit with meteors from multiple Skaias?

CHEL: That over with for the moment, we cut to Tavros’ house as you take your place as the PAGE OF BREATH in the LAND OF SAND AND ZEPHYR. Vriska, his server player, gets down to the business of building up his house towards the Gate…

… entirely out of staircases.

AT: i THINK THIS, iS, AT: pROBABLY MEANT TO ANTAGONIZE ME,

Okay, this probably makes me a bad person, but I’m crying with laughter at his expression and that line.

It’s more disability slapstick, but here the point of the joke comes off as being more that Vriska is a jerk and Tavros’ reaction is really understated than any reasonable person being supposed to assume Tavros is wrong for not being able to climb stairs. Emphasis on “comes off as”, unfortunately. I’m still gonna give a Problematykks point, and further experience with Hussie’s attitude to disability has soured the joke somewhat, even in just the next couple of pages.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 44

BRIGHT: Vriska tries to get Tavros to crawl up the stairs, first by telling him that he promised not to be boring anymore and then by saying that she’s trying to help him get stronger. She caps off the rant by demanding that he apologise.

AT: oKAY, AT: tHANKS, i GUESS, AT: bUT, AT: sORRY FOR WHAT, AG: For 8eing crippled, you ass! AT: yOU WANT ME TO APOLOGIZE, AT: fOR BEING PARALYZED, AG: Yes. AG: Say you're sorry. AT: i DON'T MEAN TO BE RUDE, oR bORING, AT: bUT THAT'S RIDICULOUS, gIVEN, AT: uH, tHE CIRCUMSTANCES, AG: 8ullshit! AG: It's something called 8asic decency and civility you fudge8looded 8oor. AG: Now get down on your useless wo88ly knees and apologize. AT: nO, i DON'T WANT TO, AG: >::::O

Vriska, what the fuck.

Tavros is really great here. He’s obviously not comfortable fighting with Vriska, and repeatedly tries to redirect her into building him ramps instead of engaging. But, at the same time, he holds his ground and doesn’t let her push him around, and won’t let go of solid hard reality in the face of Vriska trying to emotionally manipulate him.

FAILURE ARTIST: And yet people still call him a wimp.

BRIGHT: Vriska retaliates, because of course she does, by grabbing his wheelchair with her cursor and shaking it about. If Hussie left it at that, everything would be unobjectionable, at least in terms of narrative voice. Instead, well…

Now she's done it. She has awoken the mighty inner fury that is... RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

CHEL: It just occurred to me to mention that the name Rufio comes from a character in the movie Hook, the leader of the Lost Boys after Peter Pan left, played by Dante Basco. Tavros’ mental image of him is a reference to that character.

FAILURE ARTIST: Dante Basco did read Homestuck, with hilarious results as we will see.

But unfortunately, Rufio is not real. He's imaginary. A fake. Like a made up friend, the way fairies are. You continue to be sad and alone.

BRIGHT: Eurgh.

Let me be clear: Tavros having no further recourse to deal with Vriska’s abuse beyond his visualised self-esteem is a problem for the character, but it’s not necessarily a narrative problem per se. Escapism is a thing. You could get a decent character arc out of Tavros learning better ways to deal with harassment he can’t escape. It is a narrative problem when the narrator mocks it and makes him out to be pathetic for even trying it.

CHEL: I’d consider this to be just Tavros’ own thought process, but, sadly, this kind of narrative sneering at him carries on throughout Tavros’ presence in the comic and the fandom seems to buy into it. Tavros gets a lot of hate for reasons which mostly boil down to him being a male abuse victim; there’s a feeling that he should “try harder” to fight back, despite him being physically disabled and a member of a caste out of sight beneath her on the social ladder and legally permitted to be killed by her on a whim. Might that count as a point for WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM, for Huss and the fandom not taking the social dynamics into account for why Tavros can’t defend himself?

BRIGHT: I don’t know if it’s fair to count against the fandom when we’re reviewing Homestuck proper, but we can definitely count against Hussie!

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 36

CHEL: It’s also notable that the common fandom interpretation of Tavros is as Hispanic-coded, at least partly due to his Spanish username, and of Vriska as white-coded. That’s probably not helping.

Since Hussie appears to expect us to agree with Vriska that this is funny, I’m adding another to these as well.

ALL THE LUCK: 2 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 45 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 3

BRIGHT: What’s weird about this whole mess is that Hussie doesn’t — yet — try to say that Tavros should be trying to get stronger; his disability is fully acknowledged. I feel like this kind of mockery is usually accompanied by the attitude that disabled people should just get over their disability, but Hussie’s clear that Tavros can’t. Which means he should do...what, exactly?

CHEL: Not have let Vriska disable him in the first place, presumably. Never mind that, you know, she has mind control powers so he didn’t really have a choice in that either. That is, however, an argument Vriska fans actually make. Apparently some of them actually blame him for not flying when she threw him off the cliff, which… well, unpowered flight is a thing that can happen in the comic but he certainly couldn’t do it then.

BRIGHT: ...Apparently I retain the capacity for surprise at how awful people can be. The fuck?

Back in the comic, Tavros fortunately does have one other means of recourse. Back in her hive, Vriska is suddenly prodded in the back with a flying toilet, courtesy of Kanaya.

GA: Just Presenting A Floating Reminder That Tavros Will Need Plenty Of Inclined Surfaces For His Ascent AG: That's silly. I made so many ramps, you wouldn't even 8elieve it. AG: I specifically decided I wanted to 8uild something ugly and 8oring. It is now the land of ramps and yawns. GA: Hes Reported Otherwise AG: That lousy snitch! May8e I should take his computer away so he can't go crying to fussyfangs anymore. GA: Maybe I Should Upend This Load Gaper Over Your Head AG: No, don't! GA: Im Still Learning The Interface GA: It Could Happen Accidentally At Any Moment AG: I'm only trying to help him. ::::( GA: Think Of Another Way To Help

CHEL: Did I mention Kanaya is my zodiac troll? I can only long to reach her heights of awesome. Of course the ability to levitate toilets would kinda help.

BRIGHT: Vriska heads down to her treasure vault and retrieves a pair of ROCKET SHOES. The captchalogue code for these is ‘PSHOOOES’, which amuses me greatly. Vriska sends the code to Tavros, who combines it with the code for his wheelchair to create a flying wheelchair. Now that is a good use of alchemising!

CHEL: Awww!

Tavros flies up to the Gate, and we cut back to him later on, leading an entourage of communed-with imps and ogres to move obstacles and help him solve puzzles. Using his skills well, I see! In another set of ruins the imps load jigsaw pieces of rock into a frog-shaped alcove,

Things, however, don’t continue to go so well, because Hussie hates this poor kid. I do not mean that facetiously. Statements he’s made elsewhere imply he has a hell of a lot of contempt for several of the characters he created, which I don’t understand at all. We’ll go into this after Act 7, but I get the sensation that the characters are merely tools to show off the complexity and meta references, which are the parts he really cares about.

BRIGHT: It’s not unknown for authors to dislike characters they wrote; the great Terry Pratchett reputedly hated his character Rincewind. The key difference is that in Pratchett’s case, the audience couldn’t tell. Hussie, on the other hand, tends to make his disdain pretty obvious, to the detriment of the story.

CHEL: That’s a point. Conan Doyle grew to hate Sherlock Holmes, too. He didn’t, however, set up situations solely to shit on Holmes in his books.

BRIGHT: I think that’s the key. I’ll forgive a multitude of failings as long as the author seems to be treating the characters fairly. That doesn’t mean that good things have to happen to them — plenty of bad things can happen and I’ll enjoy it — it just means that the author has to...respect how the character feels and would behave, I guess.

Of course, respect is Hussie’s antithesis, so.

Also, nothing so far has shown Vriska to be anything other than a (granted, entertaining) bully. I wasn’t around while Homestuck was updating, so I’m not sure when her fandom took off, but it has to be later than this, surely?

CHEL: I don’t know. I wasn’t around till about mid-Act 6.

What was I on about? Oh yes. Tavros is interrupted by Vriska again, who bitches him out for doing things the boring way and seeking the boring lore.

AG: The minds of your consorts are very soft and impressiona8le. AG: As easily manipul8ed as all those imps you've 8een 8ossing around. AG: I have picked apart their tiny little lizard 8rains and seen through all the smoke and mirrors of their riddles. AG: I have gotten to the truth they are guarding. The great 8ig mystery 8ehind this planet. And you know what it is, Tavros? AT: nO, AG: It's 8ullshit! AG: Meaningless, 8oring, fanciful 8ullshit wrapped in flowery poems to keep you guessing. AG: It all leads to one thing anyway, and that's what we should put our attention on. AG: Real gamers cut to the chase. They power through all the nonsense and go for the gold. AG: They cheat, Tavros. AG: It is time you learned to start cheating.

Interesting theory. Tavros thinks befriending his monsters instead of killing them is cheating, and Vriska grudgingly agrees but is annoyed he isn’t killing anything. She claims to have designed a better and more challenging quest for him; he asks after her own quest, and she says she has time because Kanaya’s busy.

AG: Which is just as well 8ecause I was starting to get nannied HARD. WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 37

Strange word choice for a species raised by animals, but okay. Vriska sends Tavros a map to the next Gate, and he sets off in his little rocket chair. Little does he know.

You proceed through what seems to be your second gate, into the LAND OF MAPS AND TREASURE. The THIEF OF LIGHT lies in wait.

In a callback to our last meeting of Breath and Light players, Tavros crashes through Vriska’s wall and is left hanging upside-down in the rocket chair from the large cobwebs across the room, while Vriska sleeps on a pile of broken eight-balls. Doesn’t look comfortable, but trolls rest in worse places later. Vriska wakes, and Tavros falls head-first onto the floor.

Here is where it gets incredibly uncomfortable, and we have to show it in detail to assign points properly and so that there’s no ambiguity about what’s happening, so if you have any sexual assault, ableism, underage, mind control, or victim-blaming triggers you may want to skip this part. No clothing is removed but it’s very unpleasant to read and the attitude toward it is worse. Seriously, this is Taklamakan Zoo levels of bad.

(This heading below’s not part of the comic, I just put it there so you can skip. The sequence ends with the piece of fanart of Kanaya looking at the sideways screen.)

~*THE ASSAULT STARTS HERE*~

Vriska sits up. She’s wearing a very short strappy white Tinkerbell dress with her sign on it, and what look like over-the-knee socks, a commonly fetishised style of clothing. I remind you these characters are supposed to be thirteen years old. The dress is also the same as the one worn by the fairy in the artwork on Tavros’ desktop background. I don’t know if Vriska had seen that or not.

FAILURE ARTIST:

To be fair she’s just in an actually-more-modest version of what Peter Pan’s sidekick/love interest wears and the socks come off as more dorky than sexy.

Oh my! It appears Pupa Pan himself has flown through your window while you were asleep. How exciting! Surely he is here to take you away on the adventure of a lifetime. He is more dreamy and heroic than you ever imagined. But what's this?? It seems the legendary Boy-Skylark has misplaced his shadow. He is looking EVERYWHERE for it, to no avail. He is having a devil of a time, what with being paralyzed from the waist down and all. He clearly needs your help.

CHEL: Vriska is prompted to Help Pupa find shadow, and approaches Tavros with a nasty-looking grin on her face, while he lies on the floor, gritting his teeth in noticeable pain.

Pupa! You truly are a silly goose. Your shadow has been trapped underneath your useless torso the whole time! Honestly, where else would it be you stupid sack of shit?

Charming. Vriska proceeds to kick him in the head, or at least nudge him with her foot, while he lies unresponsive.

Of course, the secret to reuniting with your shadow is to get up and walk around. And play and dance and frolic! Your shadow will surely join in your gaiety. But it appears Pupa has lost the use of his legs. There will be no frolicking in this young man's future. ::::( Unless...

Everyone knows that just a pinch of SPECIAL STARDUST along with a happy thought will allow any boy to get up and walk again. Everyone knows this because it is in the classic tale, PUPA PAN. Young Pupa flies through the window of a fairy girl's respiteblock, falls on the floor, and has trouble getting up like an enormous pansy. The fairy girl then helps him walk again, and in return, he teaches her to fly, even though she probably already knows how to fly. Because she's a fairy. They fly out of her window together, and have magical adventures for many sweeps thereafter. To be honest, you hardly know a damn thing about Pupa Pan. But you do not care.

Pupa remains as pathetic and useless as ever.

FAILURE ARTIST: The story just keeps mocking Tavros for being disabled.

CHEL: Not to mention for being interested in fairies. Because how dare a boy have a gender-nonstandard interest, or a young teenager enjoy whimsical escapism from an increasingly horrible and guaranteed-to-be-short life.

WHITE SBURB POSTMODERNISM: 39

I might be projecting because the fandom has made me loathe her, but it honestly comes off like Vriska dressed up like this in the first place less to seduce Tavros and more to make sure she thoroughly ruined his favourite thing to hurt him further, especially if the narration is supposed to be things she’s actually saying to him.

The stardust did nothing! Probably because it is just glittery powder with no magical properties whatsoever and is basically bullshit. Because in case it wasn't clear, magic isn't real, and neither are miracles. OR It could just be that Pupa has failed to have a happy thought! Your duty is clear. You will have to MAKE him have happy thoughts. Vriska: Make Pupa have happy thoughts.

He certainly doesn’t seem to be having happy thoughts now. Notice his expression, what we can see of it, looks terrified, he’s trembling, and let’s recall that he’s paralysed from the waist down. Even if he wasn’t, she’s of a far, far higher caste than him, legally permitted to do whatever she wants to him, including killing him if he tries to resist. It’s kind of gone back and forth on, but higher bloods are a few times stated to be a lot stronger than lower bloods, and if they work like humans, they’re in puberty right now, a time at which human girls tend to get taller and stronger sooner than boys. Again, it’s gone back and forth on, but a common interpretation is that female trolls are stronger than male trolls in general and/or have the social power advantage. Let’s also remember that, even if none of those factors apply, Vriska has mind control powers. There is no point here at which Tavros has the advantage, nothing he can use as leverage on her. She can do whatever the hell she wants, and she does.

BRIGHT: We’ve also been explicitly shown that Vriska has little to no respect for anyone else’s autonomy if she finds it inconvenient, and that Tavros is her favourite punching bag, and that his ability to stand up for himself when she gets going is extremely limited.

CHEL: Despite the odds stacked against him, Tavros struggles against the kiss forced on him, and when Vriska pushes him back, doesn’t respond with anything but a look of horror, though she appears to expect him to, as a flickering heart-spade with a question mark over it appears between them. I’m not sure whether that’s supposed to be the thought process of him or her or both.

Vriska hurls him onto the floor with some force...

… and activates her mind control, causing little hearts to light up in Tavros’ eyes.

BRIGHT: Vriska has used her mind-control powers on Tavros before, and when it happened she walked him off a cliff. There is basically no way that her doing it again isn’t going to be a traumatic experience for him, above and beyond the inherent horror of losing control over one’s body.

I’m inclined to think that forcibly altering his emotions is worse, though. Being paralysed was bad enough, but Tavros knows what happened and he knows how he feels about it. Making him fall in love with her is just…on one level, it’s a horrible assault on his autonomy as a person, and on another level, it’s tailor-made to make him doubt himself and believe the encounter was something he wanted.

FAILURE ARTIST: I hadn’t thought that he might now consider the encounter as consensual, which would explain his later reaction.

CHEL: Tavros paws at her legs, making kissy faces, and she looks vaguely concerned. Note the background still depicts wavy blue rays coming off her, showing her power is still active.

Looking defeated, she drops the control and dumps him on the floor again.

I’m not sure what she’s supposed to be thinking in this last panel. Is she feeling guilty? Is she disappointed that he didn’t like her under his own power? Has she just decided he’s too useless to be worth the effort? Any could be true.

BRIGHT: I read that as disappointment that even when he ‘liked’ her, he didn’t act the way she wanted. (And the way Tavros acted is kind of disturbing. ‘Mindlessly pawing at someone’ is not what I’d expect from him if he was legitimately attracted to someone.)

FAILURE ARTIST: The common interpretation these days was she was realizing she wasn’t into boys which okay that’s good for her but she should feel more bad about molesting him.

CHEL: That also makes no sense, because she shows interest in multiple boys later.

I’m also not entirely sure if Vriska had the intention of actually raping Tavros here (in the standard way, I mean, as one could argue that mind control is a form of rape), or just making out with him. The fact that she dressed up in vaguely fetishy clothing isn’t making it look good, though. Yes, she’s very young, but traumatised kids in particular have been known to lash out sexually like that. It’s a way of reasserting personal power, and I imagine it would be more prevalent in a society with no sapient adult supervision. While there are mitigating circumstances involved in their social situation and Vriska not really having ever had a chance to learn better, that doesn’t make this not a horrible thing to do, or not traumatising for Tavros.

BRIGHT: The clothing could potentially be down to Vriska wanting to look ‘adult’ without fully understanding why it looks adult. That does come up sometimes with teens — they want to experiment with clothing because that’s how adults dress, not because they want to look sexy, or they might dress a certain way for dates because that’s the social model they have for How Dates Work.

And if I read it like that, this basically looks like Vriska having the date equivalent of a dolls’ tea party. Which says volumes about how she views Tavros’s autonomy.

CHEL: Good point. Though honestly it would say volumes about same either way!

BRIGHT: I said earlier that Vriska is better than Equius at recognising when other people’s desires conflict with hers, and she is, but that doesn’t mean she respects those differences. She just recognises that they’re there, and overrides them. This is a prime example of Vriska viewing Tavros as something between a chew-toy and a prop. First she kicks him around and terrifies him, then she expects him to be able to get over those emotions at the drop of a hat and respond to her advances — and, moreover, she wants him to respond in a certain way, which Tavros has zero way of knowing. This is the first time she’s shown that sort of interest in him, unless her earlier behaviour was the Alternian equivalent of pigtail-pulling.

...I think maybe that was in fact Alternian pigtail-pulling. Or at least Vriska’s version of pigtail-pulling.

CHEL: That’ll actually make more sense, once we explain what the spade symbol means.

Okay, how many counts does this cover?

ALL THE LUCK: 12 ARE YOU TRYING TO BE FUNNY?: 31 CALL CPA PLEASE: 26 CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 55 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 13

It also occurred to me during this sequence to think again about how Karkat contemptuously swears at and hangs up the phone on the injured Tavros. This, at first glance, seems to be very much at odds with the “cranky but caring” impression we’re supposed to have of Karkat… but it fits precisely with Hussie’s opinion of Tavros and how pathetic he is for allowing a much more powerful person to permanently disable him. I know at the moment it looks like I’m not separating the character from the author, but it’ll become clear as we go that that is what he thinks.

IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 14

Why didn’t we start a FUCK YOU, HUSSIE count?

BRIGHT: It would have ended up longer than all the other counts combined.

CHEL: The actual assault is over now, but there’s one more picture of it. The ramifications must continue to be discussed, so tread cautiously. The actual act is over now, though.

Said ramifications come pretty quickly. Kanaya, having dealt with getting herself into the game and prototyped her own lususprite, decides to check on Vriska.

Ideally she has not gotten herself into too much trouble. And ideally the dramatic irony has not gotten so thick you could draw a dotted line on it with a tube of lipstick and cut it in half with a chainsaw.

Of course, she sees the exact moment Vriska kisses Tavros.

(Fanart source has now been deleted, sadly.)

~*THE ASSAULT ENDS HERE*~

Humorous art aside over, let’s watch Kanaya’s reaction in more detail. She angrily looks at a copy of the Tinkerbell dress, which she presumably sent the alchemiter code for rather than the actual item to Vriska, hence why she still has it.

So THAT'S why she had you make this dress for her??? And you just went along with it like a sucker. Argh, you are such an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Like Karkat, Kanaya is presented as the caring one, the protective one. The “mom friend” of the group. And yet, she looks at this, in which Tavros is clearly frightened and struggling, and her reaction is to be mad that Vriska didn’t want to wear the dress for a date with her. I’m not sure whether this says more about Hussie’s opinion of Tavros or the social system of Alternia or both, but it certainly says a lot.

CLOCKWORK PROBLEMATYKKS: 56 HURRY UP AND DO NOTHING: 13 IN HATE WITH MY CREATION: 15

BRIGHT: Kanaya has had to corral Vriska on Tavros’s behalf already! Possibly more than once! She has all the information to realise that this is abusive, even leaving aside Tavros’s reaction! Sure, teens can be self-centred, but even so this is egregious.

CHEL: Kanaya’s Grubsprite comforts her and she throws the dress out the window.

Being a kid and growing up. It's hard and nobody understands.

Yes, I’m sure Tavros thinks so too.

Charles: "I know Sir can be prickly, but you have to understand he had a very terrible childhood."

Klaus: "I understand. I'm having a very terrible childhood right now."

-A Series of Unfortunate Events

#homestuck #homestuck review #homestuck meta #homestuck reread #let's read homestuck #Homespork

[srhlsx]

Rewritten & Reposted March 23, 2021

 MASTER | Ch. 1 | CHAPTER 2 | Ch. 3

Daiki spoke up after the two newcomers introduced themselves. “(Y/n) and Rumi are third years too,” He interrupted himself with a small burp, causing Rumi to look at him in pure horror and you to bite back a chuckle of your own.

“Oh, nice.” Bokuto nodded along with Kuroo. “Are you both in a club then?”

What. You blinked once very slowly.

“Dude, they both pl-”

“Ah ah ah.” You immediately held up a hand in Daiki’s face to keep him from speaking any further. “Yes. We are in a club. But that’s not what is important.”

Rumi shook her head with a dark chuckle and quickly downed her drink. She mumbled something about finding more games to play before turning to walk back into the house you originally came from. (“This is fucking boring” was an exact quote.) The boy with bedhead hair, who you came to know as Kuroo, followed after her with a mischievous glint in his eyes. 

You shook your head as you watched after them, turning back and intending to strike up a new conversation with your schoolmates but all you were met with were their retreating backs. Daiki’s hands were moving dangerously low on Mako’s waist as they blended into the sea of people. 

“Looks like you’re stuck with me.” You turned to face the stranger standing before you, looking up and really noticing his golden eyes for the second time since he introduced himself.

You bit into your bottom lip and dragged your thumb across the skin as you leaned your weight onto your right leg as you gave him a once over. He was tall, much taller than you were, and lean. Not lean in the not-done-growing, can’t-control-your-limbs type of way; but lean in the sense that it was clear he was an athlete. His shoulders were broad and full under the athletic t-shirt he wore. His legs were long and you could tell there was thick muscle on them, even under the pair of baggy black joggers he had on. 

But beyond the fact that he was built like an absolute racehorse, the most eye-catching parts of him weren’t even below his shoulders. 

His smile had enough electricity to power a small town for at least a year, and that was a fact. His eyes, a shade of gold you’d never seen before - and were sure you’d never see again - looked at you like you were the only thing in the world that was worthy of holding his gaze. Then his hair - a wild cluster of bi-colored, thick locks that stuck up straight in all directions - screaming for your hands to reach up and run your fingers through them just to get an idea of if they were as soft as they appeared to be.

“Could be worse,” You finally responded after your thorough examination of his entire physique. It was pretty blatant that you had been checking him out, you might as well have asked him to wipe the drool from your mouth.

In any normal situation, the act of a girl so obviously checking him out wouldn’t send Bokuto into any kind of fit. In fact, he didn’t typically even notice those kinds of things happening. But with this girl who he just met before him, he couldn’t help the feeling of his heart clutching almost painfully in his chest. He cleared his throat, shaking his head just enough to clear away the haze he had found himself in and braced his hand against the wall of breezeblocks you both stood near. Bokuto was not trying to be subtle as he beamed down at you, opting to take a step closer. 

“(Y/n)...” He said your name in a tone you were sure you’d never get sick of hearing. “I feel like I’ve heard of you somewhere before.”

“I get that a lot,” You smirked, squinting your eyes up at him as you kept your answer vague. He easily could’ve heard your name in a number of different places, but you weren’t going to confirm or deny anything - it was too fun to toy with him instead.

“So you go to school with Daiki?” He asked, resting one hand in the waistband of his pants, making his t-shirt ride up just slightly. His other hand rested on the wall right by where you were leaning your weight against, making his body angle towards you and close the distance just a little bit more. 

It only took you a brief moment to realize that he was moving intentionally closer to you in what he probably thought was a smooth move. You made an exaggerated grimace on your face, acting as if the thought of the mentioned boy made you sick. “Unfortunately, I do. Been with the kid since primary school.”

“Tough luck.”

“You’re telling me.” You nodded with a laugh, looking out to the throng of people at the party who seemed to only be getting further and further away from sobriety. “Do you need a drink or something? You can have mine, I’m done for the night.”

“Are you trying to take advantage of me?” Bokuto asked, raising your cup and taking a long swig of the drink. You were impressed he didn’t even flinch as the beer in the cup was stale, flat, and cheap. 

“You should be so lucky,” You shook your head and jokingly poked a finger into his chest, a solid excuse to confirm that yes those muscles were as thick as they looked. “But no, I’ve got somewhere to be after this.”

“More studying?”

“Ouch okay,” You laughed. “It’s like that then?”

“Oh yeah, it’s like that.”

Your conversation stilled at that point. You definitely felt like a mutual interest was there between you and Bokuto, a pull towards one another, but the awkwardness of having no idea who each other even were overwhelmed you and left you in silence. You wanted to talk to him more, something about him just made you want to be around him. 

“Mako said you all were visiting for camp this week. You must play then?” Smooth, really smooth.

“Huh?” He started, shaking his head like he’d been in a dream before looking down at his shirt where you were pointing. “Ah, yeah! You know volleyball? Do you manage with Mako? Are you new this year?”

“I do not, but I’m familiar with the sport.” You responded vaguely to his onslaught of questions, not trying to let onto anything one way or the other. “Fukurodani...You guys went to nationals last year, yeah?”

“We did!” He said, eyes somehow lighting up even more than they had before. “One of my good buddies Akaashi is our setter, he’s so awesome, and I’m-”

“I leave you alone for five minutes and you’re already bragging?” The smooth voice of Bokuto’s friend returning dragged your attention away momentarily.

“Did Rumi turn you down?” You smirked with a raised eyebrow, knowing exactly how the conversation probably went.

“Brutally.” Kuroo chuckled.

Bokuto straightened up, looking like a scolded puppy. “She asked about the camp and I was just saying-”

“I’m sure it was brought up so organically,” Kuroo rolled his eyes, slinging an arm over Bokuto’s shoulders and leaning down closer to talk to you. “Did he also casually bring up the fact he’s a top five ace in the country?”

You looked up to Bokuto with knowing eyes, “I’m well aware of who he is.”

“Well, I mean-” Bokuto began to talk, stumbling over his words a little bit but never losing that air of pride he held. After a moment he stopped, realizing what you had said. “You what?”

“I don’t live under a rock,” You laughed at him, shifting positions to rest your chin in your hand like you were deep in thought. “It’s a real crime they didn’t put you in the top three, in my opinion, although I guess after Interhigh and how Ojiro-kun performed you can’t deny he deserved to be moved up.”

Bokuto and Kuroo stared at you for a moment. You were waiting for the points to click, for each of them to realize why exactly you knew so much about volleyball beyond just being friends with Daiki. When it didn’t seem like the connection was going to happen, you let out a soft laugh.

“But top five is really impressive!” You said, unconsciously reaching out to grab Bokuto’s arm and ever so slightly squeezing the muscles under your hand flexed and tensed, but when you saw the look in his eyes you could tell he was anything but uncomfortable. “Definitely the highest ranking player I personally know… At least for guys.” You added the last bit of your statement with a shrug, like an afterthought.

Bokuto practically preened with satisfaction at that point. 

You’d normally be turned off by someone so completely oblivious to the things you were saying, but the boy in front of you held an endearing aspect about him. It could also be because of the look of pride he had when you complimented him, like the words you were saying specifically were what he had been searching for the entire time.

You felt a rhythmic buzzing in the pocket of your bag as Bokuto and Kuroo started to pick up another conversation. Studying the screen of your phone for a moment before answering, you turned away slightly from the two boys. Bokuto’s hand grazed your arm as you stepped away, the feeling of his eyes lingering on you from behind was something you also noticed. 

“Hi Eiji,” You greeted into the device. “...Seriously? Ah shit, no... no. Tell her no, I’m leaving now.”

You appreciated that they quieted their conversation as you were on the phone, but the thumping of the party music really made no difference. The call was short and you looked up to each of them as you ended it with a heavy sigh.

You turned back to the two guys, a calm but mildly frazzled look on your face. “If you see Rumi, can you tell her I left?”

“Yeah, of course” Kuroo waved a hand in front of his face, brushing off your request like it was nothing. 

You gave his arm a gentle squeeze in thanks, then turning to Bokuto. “It was really good to meet you.”

You started to attempt making your way through the thick mass of bodies crowding around the house when you felt a hand wrap around your wrist lightly and pull you back.

“We barely got to talk,” Golden eyes stared down at you, showing a little bit of sadness mixed with an odd amount of excitement. “Can I get your number or something?”

“Ah, ha.” You laughed, reaching up and patting his cheek with a wink of your eye. “We’ll probably see each other again sooner than you think.”

At that you turned, having spotted Rumi distantly in the crowd and making your way to her. You couldn’t help but laugh with her as the two of you made your way around the house to leave the party, Bokuto swore he could hear Rumi say something along the lines of “He seriously had no idea?” and you simply shrugged and let out a big belly laugh as you waved a hand back at him over the crowd.

Not a moment later, Daiki returned looking to where both Kuroo and Bokuto’s eyes were watching your retreating forms. “I’m actually shocked she came out tonight,” He let out a chuckle and shook his head, “But I guess I would want to celebrate as much as I could, too.”

Bokuto slowly turned away, eyes not leaving your figure until you were well out of sight. “Whaddya mean?” He mumbled, mind still clouded with thoughts of this strange girl he met.

“Seriously?” Daiki asked, face scrunching up in disbelief as he took a drink from the cup he was holding. “You didn’t recognize either of them?”

Bokuto simply shook his head while Kuroo seemed to finally come to the realization. “No shit,” He mumbled, looking back in the direction you and Rumi disappeared to.

“What?” Bokuto asked, desperate to get some clarity.

“(Y/n) and Rumi both start on the girl’s team at Shinzen,” Daiki said slowly, both to humor Bokuto and because of the alcohol he was continuing to consume. “They, like… just won Interhigh. (y/n) is top rank-”

Daiki’s voice was lost in the shuffle of Bokuto’s mind. He felt like an idiot. He watched that game, how did he not recognize you?

#bokuto koutaro #koutaro bokuto #fukorodani #haikyuu!! #haikyuu #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu x reader #bokuto x reader #hq!! x reader #hq!! #hq #haikyu reader insert #haikyuu reader insert

[addictsitter]

F, G, Q, and T

F: What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? consistently? god, uh. i think probably kingdom hearts? but that was years back. maybe stranger things since i did get into it like, a month after s2 aired but it was a backburner fandom. wait no nm it’s descendants. cause i’ve been more or less YES DESCENDANTS GOOD a lot for the last three and a half years. so. also kind of tortall bc i get sporadically bitter about neal/kel every month or so and have since about 2007.

G: Do you remember your first OTP, if so who was in it? ooh okay so the first otp i remember is john sheppard/teyla emmagan from stargate atlantis and i just. never really got over them. (they’re my forever otp)

Q: A ship you’ve abandoned and why: oh okay this one is kinda tough but i guess the best example is probably jay/carlos and mal/evie from descendants? like, i have nothing against the ships themselves and there’s plenty of material there. BUT. the fandom, rachel. i hate. the descendants fandom. so goddamn much. because they’re really obnoxious (never 4get the j*ylos stans who called d3 the straightest of the movies despite jay/gil being as close to canon as we were gonna get for a descendants movie just bc carlos was still with jane. also all the j*ylos stans who complained about them ~no homo’ing~ j*ylos in d2 because carlos liked jane and jay and carlos’s friendship got less focus while completely ignoring the harry/gil kiss that was scripted, filmed and then cut!!!)

(”alec are you still bitter about d2″ I AM ALWAYS BITTER ABOUT D2)

T: Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending, about anything at all (gender identity, sexual or romantic orientation, extended family, sexual preferences like top/bottom/switch, relationship with poetry, seriously anything)

ahem. excuse me. [retrieves stack of paper] we’re going to go alphabetically by fandom. and by alphabetically by fandom, i mean you’re getting some highlights.

under a cut for length

battlestar galactica: hello yes have i talked about kara thrace being a lesbian yet? no? so kara thrace is a lesbian and lee adama is a trans lesbian and they are happy and in love. thank you, have a nice day.

being human: s3 established that annie feels things that people feel when she touches them which leads me to the headcanon that mitchell, nina and george made all her old favorite foods for, like, an entire week and ate them so she could enjoy them again, along with other things. (we do not discuss the plot that involved that part i don’t acknowledge 98% of s3 for a reason.)

descendants: uma’s mother is ursula, this is canon, but i fully headcanon that her father is a deity of some flavor and she, like mal, is a full on demigoddess. aside from that, i also will live and die by the idea that ben can go beast without audrey’s magic being involved. also carlos is non-binary, evie’s a trans girl, harry is the definition of chaotic bi and non-binary and gil’s a trans boy.

elementary: i. i have so many. where do i start. um. easiest is this: during the time skip in the finale while joan underwent chemo, kitty came back to new york and archie and arthur spent, like, all their time together while sherlock and kitty traded off watching the kids. also: joanlockbell ot3 or bust.

the get down: shao got the fuck away from annie and got a happy ending and met zeke again at some point and they lived happily ever after. also DIZZEE IS TOTALLY FINE.

gilmore girls: finale what finale. revival what revival. logan and rory are happily married and working on their careers and EVERYONE IS GOOD AND NOBODY IS PREGNANT.

gossip girl: dan’s not gossip girl what the fuck show. trans girl jenny or bust. also trans girl blair.

harry potter: [insert requisite dean/seamus and sirius/remus comment here] also harry became a goddamn teacher fuck that auror shit that boy needs to get away from more fighting goddamn. also someone please get him into therapy. please.

high school musical: listen chad danforth is a trans girl and people can come fight me. also requisite chad/ryan comment here.

izombie: post-s3 did not happen, ravi is either immune or a zombie and he and liv are happily together and clive is regularly grossed out by them as a couple. major goes back to being a social worker, as he fucking should have.

i had a kingdom hearts thing here but tbh i just. have so many emotions that i can’t even touch it 

leverage: listen. listen. eliot absolutely worked for the stargate program and nobody can ever convince me otherwise. it was supposed to happen and they couldn’t manage it so i’m declaring it my canon. also hardison may or may not have learned his hacking skills from his nana.

i. had magicians headcanons and i still have magicians headcanons and one of them is genderfluid quentin and that is literally the only one i can think of without crying right now.

one piece: aro/ace lawlu or bust. genderfluid sanji or bust. lesbian nami or bust. also. my asshole babes aka cp9 aka now at least partially in cp0 are not, in fact, back working for the government inexplicably but are instead working undercover in cp0 for the revolutionary army. also mishanks was a thing bye

pacific rim: gender gets really fucking weird in the drift. nobody’s cis.

shadowhunters: hi yes do you have a moment to hear about jacemaia and how they are actually friends and spend time together and help each other with trauma and like each other

stranger things: BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE BI STEVE steve and robin are bi/lesbian solidarity and any job they have in a non-80s small town setting involves robin roasting the fuck out of steve for failing with people of every gender. also elmax.

tortall. TORTALL. okay so. alanna is non-binary of some flavor idk what. alanna is with george and they both might also be with jon who’s publicly married to thayet who’s really married to buri who’s publicly married to raoul for ~appearances~ who’s actually w/ gary and maybe jon if he’s not being a dick that day. also. kel is married to neal and yuki and they all live together at new hope and all absolutely suck at hiding that fact and everyone at new hope just, like, conveniently ignores it. also i have A Lot of neal/kel feelings and headcanons but those would take me twelve hours, three powerpoints, a fifth of whiskey and yelling directly at tamora pierce to get through.

uhhh i think that’s it? maybe? possibly? i can’t think of anything else that i want to talk about at this point? i’ll stop now, at least.

#memeage #lesbianmaxevans #and ye shall receive