Tumgik
#genuinely always sends me on a blocking spree
delilah-briarwood · 7 months
Text
Yet another yearly reminder than ‘Wake Me Up When September Ends’ is a song about Billie Joe Armstrong’s grief after his father died. The jokes about it are overdone, disrespectful, and Billie Joe himself has said they make him uncomfortable.
167 notes · View notes
bbugyu · 2 years
Text
Tumblr media
no one could be prouder or more pleased to be by your side.
classic | epilogue
2.9k | joshua x afab enby!reader, fluff, humor, swearing, eating, josh is the literal sweetest human alive
this is a quick one! i've actually had this written for about a year LMAO but i never posted for some reason 🤕 anyhow, i threw together a title card and cleaned it up a bit to post as a thank you for 1500 followers! i seriously can't believe so many of you find me worthy of a follow, and i genuinely appreciate it so much. thank you! thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! also yes i pulled the name from THE 00s romcom of all time starring ryan reynolds and sandra bullock and YES i used a joshua picture from canada because that movie is set in alaska (it's as close as i could get without using the gum wall pics ok)
*
sometimes, days were just bad. there was no real cause, and nothing to be done about it, but sometimes small things piled up in ways that you couldn't stop thinking about. you stubbed your toe on the dresser first thing in the morning after not sleeping particularly well or long. your subway car was more crowded than you liked, and when you stopped at a cafe to get a coffee a block away from the studio, you realized you had forgotten the memory card for your camera and had to resort to filming on your phone instead. you only worked at maji studio once a week these days, and you were always excited to spend some time with yunhyeong, but he hadn't been able to make it in because his sister and her wife dropped in for a surprise visit, so you didn't even get to see him. it was slightly too hot for spring and you could feel it under your arms. the pollen count was too high and you could feel it in your nose. your shoes were too new to be fully broken in and you could feel it in your achilles.
all this, and one of your best friends had just gotten engaged.
it went without question that you were extremely happy for the couple, and absurdly excited to celebrate with them, but krys had asked her half-brother to be her "maid" of honor (leaving you relieved, karol indignant, and sending joshua into a manic and panicked research spree), and asked you to make the cake. she had shown you pictures of things she liked, you knew her color scheme, and you had spent the last four years getting to know her tastes, so all in all, she was going to be the easiest client you had ever worked with. however - and you would never let her know in fear that she would retract the responsibility - the added baking you had to do for the cake tasting appointment you scheduled with her put just enough on your plate to have a looming stress over your entire week. 
a recipe for disaster, as it were. and when you dropped your lunch leftovers on the sidewalk outside the loft, the pad see ew and swimming rama that you had ordered in an attempt to brighten your mood splattering over the concrete like a crime scene, you just let out a groan in frustration and planted your palms over your face.
"well, diaz-" you slid your hands down to view the source of the familiar voice, joshua walking up to you from where you saw his car parked down the street and studying the food, hands on his hips to imitate the tv detective from one of your favorite sitcoms. "looks like we got a homicide on our hands."
"fuck today," you whined, your foot stomping against the concrete in that cutesy way you only did around him, and he caught the glimmer of tears in your eyes, immediately dropping the joke.
"aw, baby," he cooed, stepping over the food and gathering you in his arms. "don't cry over spilled thai."
you choked out a laugh as you settled into the hug, sniffling and willing the tears back into your ducts. "i'm not crying."
"you okay?" joshua asked, hand rubbing up and down your back, effectively wiping away your stress with his touch. "do you wanna talk about it?"
you buried your face in his neck, fully succumbing to the embrace despite the fact that you were standing outside, and you had a pretty strict aversion to indulging in intimacy in public places. it felt too nice to let go, joshua's warmth and comfort a welcomed juxtaposition to your awful mood. you sighed. "wouldn't even know where to start."
he breathed out a laugh, squeezing you. "long day?"
"really long."
he pulled away slightly to waggle his eyebrows at you, and you laughed, swatting at his chest. he nodded at the door of your apartment building. "you go wash up. i'll deal with the crime scene."
you pouted at him. "are you sure?"
"of course," he said, letting you start towards the door despite holding onto his arms. "best boyfriend ever. don't you forget it."
you tried to hide a smile. "only because seokmin's a fiancé now."
he pointed at the door. "shut up and get inside before i change my mind."
you giggled at him, making him break and smile at you, but you took the instructions nonetheless, after planting a kiss on his cheek.
the shower felt like therapy, scalding water stripping your skin of grime and your brain of pressure. you took a little longer than normal, water dripping down your face from where it was spraying against the back of your head and neck, letting the incessant noise of it make your mind go blank. after your moment of meditation, you shut off the water and went to find something comfy to wear, but joshua intercepted you at the bathroom door.
"hey," he said, a gentle smile on his lips. "do you wanna go get something good for dinner?"
you blinked at him, towel wrapped around you. "like what?"
"well, i was thinking," he started, letting you step past him into the bedroom to begin digging through the closet. "you were telling me about that high end beef place in gangnam the other day-"
"woo tender?" you asked, eyes big. "isn't that a little fancy for a wednesday?"
he pointed at you. "i knew you'd say that. but i looked into it, and turns out they give free dessert if you get engaged during dinner."
you stared at him for a second, thinking about how you had told him in the past that if he even tried to ask you to marry him before year five you would break up with him, and the further caveat that if he tried to propose in public you would say no on principle. "joshua."
"not for real," he said, making a face like you were insane for even thinking he would suggest it. "i just thought you might like today more if we could put on the 'can't wait for marriage' act to get free food."
you pushed our lips to one side of your face, fiddling with your towel and giving him one of those looks that he could never look away from. "that actually sounds really fun."
he made a fist in victory, backing towards the door. "pick out something nice to wear, i'll match you. i have to make sure they have a table real fast. you don't happen to have a ring, do you?"
you looked over to the dresser, where a tray of jewelry sat. "yours wouldn't fit any of my fingers, huh?"
"well, it's only the one finger that matters," joshua pointed out, eyebrows raised, and you giggled at him. "it's fine, we can find a shitty one on the way."
that made you laugh out loud. "so romantic," you said, shoulder popping up to your chin sassily.
"only the best for you," he winked, finger gun being the last thing you saw as he left.
the statement was repeated later, joshua's tone facetious and teasing as he shoved coins into a gacha machine in your local mall, the pair of you being massively overdressed to be betting on which squishy gudetama your spare change was going to gift you. you wanted the rolled omelet - of course, who wouldn't? - but that was exactly why joshua was positive you would never get it. you had already placed the almost convincing ring that had popped out of the previous machine on your finger, it's greatest giveaway being the plastic seam you could feel between your knuckles, but glittered vaguely in the light in a way that you were sure emulated a real stone. if you kept moving, no one would be able to notice that the silver had no depth to it.
joshua sucked his lips between his teeth, exerting much more effort on the reusable capsule than one would think it needed. he huffed when it popped open, displaying the contents as you both peeked in.
"oh my god!" you giggled, immediately picking the little rolled omelet out of the capsule and tearing open the plastic packaging. "gudetamagoyaki!"
joshua stared at you. "that's insane. i've watched seokmin pull eight of the steamed egg squishes out of this exact machine."
you thought for a second. "well, yeah. we're each others' good luck charm."
he laughed, an endeared light in his eyes as he watched you gesture between the two of you. he put the capsule in the provided bin on top of the machines and fell into step beside you as you left the gacha arcade. "please elaborate."
"your promotion," you said immediately, hooking your arm under his as he took the inanimate animated egg from you to squish between his fingers. "you got the editor position because you came back for a proper kiss."
he turned his head to you, and there was a laugh just threatening to burst from his lips at the sight of your proud face. "right, nothing to do with my years of dedicated work, aggressive networking, and sheer ambition. not like i went to college for this exact reason or whatever."
"exactly," you agreed, as if he had just stated that the sky was blue, displaying your ringed finger in front of you as you exited the mall and headed towards the car. "and you were my first viral video."
joshua's head cocked as he stared at your hand. "now that's true."
you looked over to him. "so was the other one."
he smiled at you. "right."
you looked back at the ring. "this is so goofy."
he laughed as you pulled it off your finger, putting it in his outstretched palm as he led you across the parking lot. "it only has to be convincing for half an hour."
you chewed your cheek, spotting joshua's car right where the two of you had left it. "and i have to say yes to get the dessert?"
joshua rolled his eyes dramatically. "alright, you can walk home."
"i'm kidding!" you laughed, tugging on his arm, and he let a sly smile sneak through his annoyed facade, hand fishing in the pocket of his pants to unlock the car. "i won't be able to say no when you ask me for real, so i might not get the chance again."
a smirk stretched across his face as he pulled open the passenger door. "you act like we won't absolutely pull this scam again."
you laughed, telling him he was so right, and rewarding his chivalry with a quick kiss on his upturned lips before dropping into the car.
joshua's hand always found you. it wasn't even a conscious action for him anymore, you were pretty sure - a habit at this point, a natural proclivity to brushing his fingers over the small of your back to prompt you to distractedly step up in line at a café, or rubbing his thumbs into your shoulders when he checked on you while you edited on the weekends. today, his hand slid over your thigh as soon as he had navigated back to a main road, a sign that he had settled into the drive. he peeked over at you when you put your palm over his hand, squeezing at his fingers, and he squeezed your thigh back when you gave him a tiny smile.
"feel any better?" he asked, checking his side mirror quickly as he merged.
you let out a breath. "a lot better. thank you for this."
"i'm being selfish," he said quickly, making you sputter out a laugh that got him to join you. "have you seen their sweets platter? i need to eat those donuts." 
and while the dessert was the purpose of visiting gangnam on this particular wednesday, everything else about the meal was just as beautiful and delicious as you hoped it would be. you felt ridiculous, absolutely, spending way too much money for a gourmet meal on a random week night just for the idea of a free dessert, but perhaps that inside joke was part of what made the evening so fun. being able to make quick eye contact that only had meaning between the two of you, stifling a giggle that made him smile and clear his throat. the plates you had been sharing were almost empty, signifying a nearing end to your stay in gangnam and the question you had been waiting for all night.
"here," joshua said, pushing the entree plate towards you lightly. "the steak was good, you eat the last of it."
you pouted at him. "are you sure? you can have it."
he shook his head at you. "saving space," he said, hand on his stomach and giving you a subtle wink. you giggled and picked up your fork to make the last perfect bite. he watched you stab the last bit of greens and meat, scooping up as much of the sauce as you could before depositing the whole affair in your mouth, and he grinned when you made a noise of enjoyment. "it looks tastier when you eat, anyways."
"this is why i like eating with you," you said after you swallowed, fully savoring the rich sauce and tender meat. "usually i'm the one making other people take the last bite."
he gave you a look - the look, you realized, the one he gave you when he was about to say something brain meltingly cheesy that would always make you giggle and hit him playfully. your name dripped with honey, a sweet song from his lips, and despite knowing exactly what was coming, having already rehearsed your parts of the act in your head before getting seated, you couldn't help but feel slightly caught off guard, heart racing when his hand reached for you across the table and when his eyes met yours. "can you promise to share meals with me for the rest of our lives?"
you blinked helplessly at him, his smile widening at how shell shocked you looked. he slid off his chair, hand still holding yours as he gently got down on one knee beside your table. "joshua, what are you-"
"darling," he interrupted, eyebrows raised playfully at you, one hand reaching back to fish the trinket out of his sports coat's pocket. "i'll always let you have the last bite, so," he paused a second, looking up at you, and you could have sworn there was something genuine behind the almost awe struck chuckle that fell from his curved lips. "do me the honor of staying by my side."
your breath caught, and if you didn't feel the eyes of neighboring tables on you, you probably would have smacked the shit out of him for flustering you like that in public. but you fancied yourself an actor, so instead, you pushed your palm to your face as you conjured tears to your waterline. you even let yourself get caught up in the magic of the moment as he pulled the ring forward, the dim lighting of the restaurant making it even more believable than you had expected, your eyes flashing between it and joshua. you started to nod, small at first, then firmer when you finally laughed out a yes.
people were clapping, you were pretty sure, when joshua scraped the plastic ring onto your finger, grinning wide as you both stood, his arms naturally running up your body and catching you in the kind of hug that could make your knees go weak. and even though you had an innate distaste for the relationship checkpoints society projected on romance, and even though joshua had agreed instantly that he didn't think you were the kind of couple that needed a ring and a piece of paper to prove that they love each other, and even though this was all just a scam to get free dessert, you still broke your rule about public affection. your fingers combed through the hair on the back of his head, and you pulled away from the hug just enough to kiss him.
joshua seemed shocked for just a second by your vigor, and if he commented on it later you would absolutely tell him it was just for the performance, but he sunk into your lips, his hand running over your waist. 
he hummed when you pulled away. "that steak sauce was really good."
"gross, joshua," you laughed, gently pushing him back to his seat with a cheesy grin on his face.
it took less than three minutes for the prophesied dessert platter to arrive, complete with chocolate writing that congratulated you on your (fake) engagement and an assurance that it was on the house from the waitress - though joshua was more interested in the donuts than the sentiment. he immediately swiped the pastry through the chocolate ganache script for the flavor benefit, and for just a moment, a sweet thought floated through your head as his entire face dropped in shock before he solemnly told you they were absolutely insane. you giggled before selecting one yourself, swiping it similarly through the ganache, and though you would never say it out loud, there was no one on the planet you would rather devote the rest of your sweet thoughts to.
even if the engagement was a scam.
115 notes · View notes
decennia · 2 years
Note
Yo, it sucks that you're getting nonny hate I'm sorry that's happening. If a message like this is not alright please delete, but I am someone who has been friends with Maddie in the past and also defended them. I have experienced this kind of thing, with similarities between characters, but always believed them when reasons were given. I don't know really what to do, because I have enjoyed this friendship with them for so long I feel like a betrayer if I speak out or confront them about it.
kinda sus how after i do a mass culling of certain people during my blocking spree that all the hate anons stopped 🤔 yet my friends who just rbed my post and didn't block those people are receiving tons of anons. just seems a little ✨️weird✨️ if you ask me
listen, bby, if the explanations maddie gave you were anything like the ones they gave me? i'm sorry to say but you did this to yourself 😭💔 they were complete and utter bullshit (receipts privately available upon dm if you're interested). genuinely. and that was my final straw. i wasn't about to be lied to about this. i tried hearing them out, but it all sounded hella suspicious.
i also really enjoyed the friendship, always had fun with the crossovers. YOU are not the one in the wrong. plagiarism is very serious in a community based on creative works. YOU are not the betrayer, you were betrayed. you trusted that, as a friend, they would not steal from you, or lie to you. they betrayed that trust. they betrayed mine. and then had the sheer audacity to lie about it, too.
this isn't what icks me out the most, though. what really got under my skin and made my stomach roil was the fact that, under a completely different blog and alias, they contacted me as if they were a stranger, asking for potential crossovers; all while i was speaking to them on their main blog. i have received criticism for essentially "doxxing" them on a blog they supposedly "made to shelter themselves from the hate they get on their main."
i believe that was the reason for the creation of ocfanhub & codenamekryptonite at first. genuinely, i do. but why interact with your main blog then? why engage in the blog that you received all this supposed hate on? why interact with yourself as if you are completely different people, asking yourself questions, making yourself crossovers and edits? interact with your already established friends as if they were strangers? it doesn't make any fucking sense:
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
and the fact that, during a giveaway, when given the opportunity to nominate another blog for a gift, they nominated themselves under the guise of "sending good vibes to another creator." especially since the giveaway has a request limit? they literally lied to receive more gifts, and it's not okay.
Tumblr media
not to mention having their friends gaslight people or other creators into thinking someone is insane for even entertaining the idea that maddie and veronica were the same person. i have trust issues to begin with. this? is a total violation of the trust i gave them and their friend, and i don't think i am in the correct capacity to trust so freely again on this site. which is sad, because i love meeting new people and cultivating creative based friendships.
2 notes · View notes
touyasdoll · 3 years
Text
Rules & BYF
These are subject to change at my discretion. If you have any questions, please feel free to send me an ask or DM me 💙
Also I’m sorry these are so long & I only seem to add to them when I’m upset 🥲 I’m nice, I promise.
First of all: Do not come near me if you are racist, homophobic, sexist, misogynistic, xenophobic, transphobic, classist, etc., you get it. I don’t fuck with hate, I block it & move on.
If you’re a minor, MOVE ON. DNI MEANS DO NOT INTERACT. DO NOT LIKE. DO NOT MESSAGE. DO NOT FOLLOW. JUST DO NOT.
I write from the perspective of a fem reader, simply because I find it easier to write from my own experience. Some things do end up gender neutral, but fem is the default.
All characters are aged up; I will never write NSFW content concerning underage characters/readers. If you are a minor, my NSFW content is not for you. Do not read. Do not interact.
I’m a person. I love writing, but my inspiration and motivation comes and goes. Please keep that in mind.I also have the attention span of a gnat. Things will update eventually. I will post another fic eventually. Please do not ask when.
Please do not ask me to be mutuals. Just interact with me. If I enjoy your blog, I’ll follow you back on my own.
PLEASE do not treat me like a object or an idiot. It sucks to see something in your inbox like “oh hi, LOVE your writing!! can you do *insert incredibly specific request here* for me?? thx in advance!!”. The compliment is immediately invalid and it’s embarrassingly transparent. And if it seems like I’m salty about this, it’s bc I am. A genuine compliment feels wonderful. Being placated with one as a means for someone else to try snd get something out of you feels kinda shitty. Jsyk.
I’m usually very patient and polite, but shit like that just gets to me at this point. I’ve seen too much of it.
That being said, if you wanna be friends, please don’t be afraid to talk to me. Inbox, DMs, on anon. All works for me and I do love to chat, but I don’t always have the energy to be social. I’ll always respond when I can <3
This blog contains spoilers.
This blog contains and interacts with NSFW & dark content.
I try to tag everything appropriately. If I miss something, please let me know, politely.
I’m liable to send off any little thought that I have off into the ether and I’ll go on reblogging sprees from time to time, but I do try to not clog the dash.
If you are nice to me, we’re friends. That’s it. All it takes. You’ve been warned 💙
If you read all this, you're the MVP fr <3 ty for taking the time.
Below is content that this blog does/will contain.
Characters I will write for
BNHA: Katsuki Bakugou, Shouto Todoroki, Dabi/Touya Todoroki, Hawks/Keigo Takami, Eijirou Kirishima, Natsuo Todoroki, Tamaki Amajiki, Izuku Midoriya, Shouta Aizawa, Hitoshi Shinsou, Denki Kaminari, Hanta Sero
AOT: Levi Ackerman, Eren Jaeger, Jean Kirstein
JJK: Satoru Gojo, Yuuji Itadori, Megumi Fushiguro, more to come
KNY: Tanjirou Kamado, more to come
Genres/content I will read/write
Fluff
Angst
Smut
Hurt/comfort
Dark content
SFW
NSFW
AUs
Formats I will write in
Fics/one shots
Drabbles/thirsts
Headcanons
SMAU
What I won’t read/write/what squicks me out
Underage characters; all characters are assumed to be at least 21+ plus in all of my works, unless otherwise stated. Most of ‘em are around 30, honestly.
Scat/vomit
Straight up incest; pseudocest/stepcest is fine
ABO
Animal hybrids/animal quirks
What I might read/write, it really just depends
Poly
Noncon/dubcon
Piss
Yandere
42 notes · View notes
Hi love. I hope you get this one lmao. Can you pls write a Tommy Shelby x Reader where the Reader gets married to Tommy as an arranged marriage as she is a leader of a gang herself? I want it to be something on the lines of how they end up talking all night to each other on their wedding night, sharing their deepest, darkest secrets and they make a pact to each of staying loyal as long as they are married to each other? Here they don't love each other yet.
            "So, how did you two meet?"
            You and Tommy looked at each other. "I suppose it's a long story."
           ~~
            You weren't lying to your sister. It was, indeed, a long story. It started in your club. The one you'd worked tirelessly to acquire. Sure you ran illegal business out of said club, but that wasn't anyone else's business but your own. Being a woman was tough enough in society, but in the underworld, it was damn near impossible.
            So you did your best to keep a strong reputation and keep strong, loyal people around you. It worked for a while. A few years, at least. But as you gained a profit, the sharks began to circle and close in on you.
            You suppose you were just lucky that Tommy Shelby managed to get to you first.
                       It was a normal night. You were in the club, making sure things were running smoothly and schmoozing with the clientele. It was a credit to your personality. Charisma got you close friends and people who enjoyed your company. Stubbornness allowed you to be tough on the people who weren't trying to be friends with you. You garnered a reputation of being a fun person to hang around. But people were wise to stay on your good side. Otherwise, there would be consequences.
            Like there were for the man who groped you learned the same night you met Tommy. The second you felt the man's hand, you grabbed his wrist and twisted it so hard, he was on his knees begging for mercy.
            When you looked up from your would-be attacker, you found a well-dressed man with a cigarette in hand watching.
            "Miss y/n/l, I'm guessing."
            You let go of the groper's wrist. "If you'll give me a second, I need to take care of business." You replied before landing a sharp kick to the groper's side. "Get him the fuck out of here." You alerted your security guard who had come over when he heard a commotion. "He ever steps into my club again, I'll bury him under the floorboards."
            "Yes, Miss y/l/n."
            You finished your drink on the table. "So, who are you?"
            "Thomas Shelby. I'm here to make you an offer."
 ~~~
            "Oh, you met at the club, how romantic." Your sister clapped her hands together in glee. Of course, you hadn't told her everything. Your younger sister was the only family member you had left and you kept her out of any illegal business. All she knew was you made money, earning her shopping sprees and trips to Paris and Rome.
            "Yeah...romantic."
            Tommy side-eyed you. It wasn't romantic. Not at first.
 ~~~
            "You think you can walk into my club and try to buy it off of me?" You scoffed. "You think you're the only person to ever try that?"
            Tommy shrugged. "Running a club on your own, not very feasible is it? What would you do if something happened? Who would you turn to? You've no parents."     
            You narrowed your eyes at him. Of course, if you'd known he was coming, you would've dug up some dirt on him too. But you just had to roll with the punches much like everything else in life. "I assure you, Mr. Shelby, I'm not alone."
            "The Tigress Club three blocks down."                       
            The mere mention of the name was enough to put a scowl on your face. The owner always giving you a hard time, disrupting business, and the worst of all, sneering at you and calling you 'little girl'. "What about it?"
            "From what I know, they're a thorn in your side," Tommy replied coolly.
            "They have been, what's that to you?"
            "My brothers aren't here for a reason. They're three blocks away, taking the Tigress Club."
            You furrowed your brow. "Taking it? Like they're just walking in and taking it? Are you serious?" You laughed. "That's absolutely mad."
            "The club is yours if you enter an agreement with me."
            A rush went to your head. Owning the Tigress? After all that hell you went through to keep the owner from taking over your business? What an absolute joy. But you weren't going to just agree to anything. "What sort of agreement?"
            "A marriage."
            You stared at the man who you'd only just met. "Pardon?" You blinked, wondering if you'd heard him right or if he was just using some sort of slang that you weren't familiar with. But he seemed too serious to use slang and you were certain you'd heard the word correctly. "Marriage? With you?"
            He nodded as if he were only asking for a cigarette.
            "Wh-so you-I marry you and you give me ownership of a club? Why would I agree to that?" You were utterly flustered. Some handsome stranger had really walked in, offered you a gift of a club, and then proposed marriage out of the blue. You felt as if you were in some sort of fever dream.
            "It'll be mutually beneficial. You get the club, as well as other ownerships. I'll be able to aid in your smuggling operation."
            "So, what? You're looking for control over this area of London or something? If you're able to just walk into clubs and take them, then why not just do that? Or why don't we just sign a contract?" You thought marriage seemed to be a few steps past what was the norm.
            "Because I've had allies before who have turned into enemies. I'm not wasting any more time with people I can't trust." Tommy answered. And he appeared genuinely serious about the matter.
            You studied his expression for a bit before crossing your arms over your chest and leaning back in your leather desk chair. "Uh-huh. I think I've just figured you out, Mr. Shelby." You reported.
            He didn't seem fazed and only nodded in amusement. "You think?"
            "I leave people talking about me, I know that. Word must've gotten to you about a woman running her own club in a favorable part of London. A part you want to be in control of. But you also know about the Tigress. Run by someone else who is capable albeit a total pain in the arse. So who do you approach and who do you send your brothers after?"
            He raised an eyebrow. "Is there a problem with that?"
            "I think you made the right choice. But girls like to be courted a bit before they're proposed to. And I also like reading a contract before I agree to anything. So why don't you make some effort then come back and we'll talk again."
 ~~~
            "So sweet, you knew you wanted to marry her the first time you met?" Your sister practically swooned at the ideal situation you two were conjuring up.
            "Er, well yes," Tommy answered because technically it wasn't a lie.
            "But he had to prove himself." You sent him a subtle smirk.
~~~ 
            He did. He visited twice a week, every week for the next three months. He brought legal contracts about the Tigress, now under his ownership, as he said. In return, you gave him a prenuptial agreement.
            The hilarity of it all was not lost on you. But after your first meeting with Tommy, you sat up all night wondering what you should do with the offer. Sometimes having the reputation you did didn't lead to a very successful love life. Men were either intimidated by your power or afraid of ever pissing you off. Maybe this was your last chance at ever finding someone. Not to mention, it was someone who understood the work you did, understood the sacrifices you made, and damn it if he wasn't nice to look at. Beyond your shallow thoughts, you found him to be more respectable than most men in your line of work. He didn't treat you like a toy, an object, or a joke. He didn't think it was cute that you were trying to own a club. Didn't patronize you.
            When everything was settled with business, you agreed to the marriage. At some points in your agreement, you wondered if you'd gone crazy. Wondered what possessed you to make such an arrangement. But on the other hand, you knew that your life was far from typical. You enjoyed the unorthodox, you weren't going to be some wife sitting at home tending to the children. But you didn't want to end up alone either. You figured Tommy was a good medium.
 ~~~
            "Well, that's such a nice story. I'm so glad y/n has finally found the one." Your sister roped you into a tight hug.
            "I know." You forced a smile, feeling majorly uncomfortable with all the lies you just told her. But as long as she assumed the best in you, she lived a happy existence. That's all you ever wanted for her.
 ~~~
            From there, your sister coordinated with the Shelby family to put the wedding together. The closer the date got, the more nervous you became. Sure you'd gotten to know Tommy, but on a very shallow level. It was hard to know him better when you were both so busy with regular work on top of planning a wedding.
            When the day came, you oddly woke up with a sense of peace. Your stomach wasn't in knots, your palms were sweaty, and you didn't have the overwhelming urge to run. That peace maintained all the way to the altar. Maybe it was just a sign that it was meant to be.
            When Tommy lifted the veil from your face, you found yourself staring back at the blue eyes that had been sneaking into your dreams the last few nights. For a moment, you forgot to breathe. Was this really the man you were marrying? It was hard to trace back how you'd gotten there, but in that briefest of moments, before the preacher began to speak, you felt so happy. It was strange happiness, a happiness that you wondered if was valid or not. But at the end of the ceremony, you realized happiness was happiness. You were getting what you wanted. And if the bonus addition was falling in love, then you were ready for that.
 ~~~
            Later on in the reception, you excused yourself to find Tommy. He was outside in the garden smoking a cigarette.
            It was still hard to believe the house you now lived with him. Having a flat in London to now living in an estate with acres of open land. But there were a lot of things you had to get used to.
            You sat down next to Tommy and he offered you a cigarette. You stuck it between your lips and leaned forward so he could light it for you.
            "Tired of my family yet?" Tommy asked with a small smile.
            "No, they're lovely." You replied after a drag. "I think we'll get along well. They know how to party."
            He chuckled. "That they do." He agreed.
            You both looked out into the night, watching the sky fade to black. Some fireflies danced across the lawn, almost blinking to the sounds around them. Night birds and the rustle of wind in the trees.
            "My parents used to bring my sister and me out to the countryside every summer." You remembered. The scent of clean air brought out memories that you hadn't unearthed in years. "Not in a house like this." You laughed. "Just a little cottage."
            "We were always on the road in the summer," Tommy said. "There was nothing better than camping outside and just..." He shrugged and shook his head. "Getting away from all that shit in the city."
            "You lose touch of a lot of things." You agreed.
            Silence fell over you again. Then, Tommy stubbed his cigarette out on the gravel. "What was your favorite game to play as a kid?" He asked.
            You smiled. "Oh, I'm not sure I mean...we jumped rope. I was pretty good at that."
            He rolled his eyes. "God, Ada would always make us spin the rope for her, it was exhausting."
            "That's sweet, what a good older brother." You cooed.
            "I swear sometimes I still have shoulder aches from that." He muttered.
            "I'm pretty sure you got more injuries from riding horses than spinning rope." You teased.
            "Well...I suppose."
            "What was your first horse?"
            There wasn't even a time for hesitation because Tommy knew it all by heart. "First one I rode was Hank. Little Welsh pony." He held his hand up. "Maybe twelve hands, if that. Stubborn little git. Dumped me off so many times."          
            You smiled and moved closer to him so you could rest your head on his shoulder. "Tell me more." You requested.
            Tommy paused and you could almost feel him looking at you, trying to decipher the gesture. But he didn't say anything. He only wrapped an arm around your shoulders. "First one I officially owned...I guess that was Gus. He was a Morgan, well built. Best connection I've had with a horse..."
            Both of you forgot there was even a party going on in the house behind you. You were too busy talking. You talked the entire night without a long pause. That same peaceful feeling overcame you. An indication that you were in the right place.
29 notes · View notes
bastardsunlight · 3 years
Text
//Aight I’ve been… off lately, I recognize this. My activity has been a little, what’s the word, erratic and overwhelmingly spicy. I’ve been thinkin’ about it a SHITLOAD and honestly I’m not sure where the fuck the disconnect is. Read on if you … don’t mind a li’l bitchin’.
I am pro-ship.
Full stop.
If it’s fictional, I don’t give a fuck. That does not mean I indulge/engage in the shipping of the thing, but if it ain’t real, I’m NOT getting on anyone about it. I’m just not. I’m way too fucking old. You fuckers don’t even fucking know—holy shit I own a fucking house, I’ve got a job, I pay taxes, bills, mortgage… I literally do NOT have time for this… whatever the fuck horseshit is happening here.
I WILL SHIP WHAT I WANT. I WILL ENJOY WHAT I WANT. YOU HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.
If that don’t suit ya, that’s a drag. Thank you, Alice Cooper, for those inspiring words.
My preferences or lack of them are in my rules. Always have been. If you missed it, that’s on you. Block me. Leave. Scoot. Vamoose. Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. Your issues and preferences are very much not mine.
Harassing people over a fictional ship is ship hate. I don’t give a fuck if it’s incest, toxic, age gap, whatever the hell makes you people mad these days. Stop ruining shit for people. It’s fucking fictional. That you’ve prioritized your preferences relative to fictional characters over the mental health and livelihood of others tells me all I need to fucking know.
You out there, if you’re scared of toxic fandom horseshit—come here. You are safe. I do not give a single fuck. If you don’t send anon hate, if you don’t bully, harass, or manipulate, you’re welcome here. I’m just one nobody, one lame fucking RP blog, but the sea of toxicity grows daily. They see something they don’t like, call it toxic. I see them bullying someone over something that ain’t real, I call it toxic.
Who’s right?
Spoiler alert: Me. 
I’ve gone on a blocking spree (specifically in the MK fandom, which is like 69% rancid dickcheese walnut territory) because I’m frankly tired of fuckasses trying to ruin shit for other people. I’m glad some o’ you fuckers come with your own warning labels, but hot DAMN if some folks ain’t coo-coo for cocopuffs. How hard is it to fucking figure out that it’s fucking SHITTY to mistreat someone over something that is literally not real, that you could just filter out, scroll by, or block out. Grow the absolute fuck up.
Don’t bother sending anons, I’ll delete ‘em. You’re worms to me, if that. I scrape your fucking muck off my shoes on the mat outside my beautiful red door ever night and sleep like a baby knowing that I am a genuine, kind, gentle person, and you’re crawling filth. End of fucking story.
2 notes · View notes
seyaryminamoto · 4 years
Note
What are the reasons that made Maizula your secret ship? What was special or compelling about their dynamics?
... My what, now?
I have certainly said in the past that the only femslash ship I COULD, presumably, support for Azula is Maizula, but from that to making it my secret ship... uh, no. That’s a fairly big leap.
It’s entirely possible that there could be other female characters in future comics who could have interesting dynamics with Azula, but out of the available female characters on the show, if I had to choose, I’d pick Mai. Again, I’m not saying I genuinely ship it on any capacity: I don’t look for fics of it, I don’t look for art of it, I don’t sigh over it or cry myself to sleep about it (n-not that I do that last thing with stuff I do ship, haha, what do you take me for...). I’ve been a multishipper with other characters in the past, and I have zero issues with people who are multishippers, but I personally don’t find any other potential ships to be as compelling for either Azula or Sokka as Sokkla, which results in me just... not shipping them with anyone else, altogether.
That being said... the dynamics between Azula and Mai do lend themselves for a relationship of substance, because Azula’s friendship with Mai is different from her friendship with Ty Lee. Azula has always seemed to hold more respect for Mai, if you ask me, visible by comparing her interactions with both girls in generally similar circumstances:
Recruitment: Ty Lee is recruited against her will. Azula very strongly implies she gives a grand total of zero shits about what makes Ty Lee happy (for that’s literally the argument Ty Lee gives her about why she wants to stay in the circus) and threatens her into joining her in her chase for Zuko and Iroh. Mai? Mai isn’t only willing to go with Azula, she’s EAGER to do so. Mai doesn’t want to be where she is at all, and her needs align with Azula’s mission flawlessly. Therefore, Azula has no need to go to the extremes she does with Ty Lee to convince Mai to come with her. That, at the very least, marks a different starting point for what we’re seeing of their friendships: Ty Lee is coerced, Mai is willing.
Relationships: Ty Lee has no serious romantic relationships through the show, only flirting with guys but it doesn’t really go anywhere. Azula is jealous of Ty Lee’s ability to catch their eye, but she doesn’t support Ty Lee in her flirting sprees in the least, even calling her “easy” to her face. Meanwhile, Azula canonically is the one who sets up Zuko and Mai, offering them a chance to bond in Ba Sing Se that they take, albeit in a different way than Azula anticipated they would. As much as Azula sends Mai away in The Headband, effectively ruining her date with Zuko, she doesn’t do it by undermining their relationship or making fun of Mai for dating Zuko or insulting her in any capacity. Azula respects Mai’s love life, she absolutely doesn’t respect Ty Lee’s despite she envies how likeable she is.
Fear of repercusions: when faced with the possibility of Azula being angry at them if they don’t do everything in their power to capture Sokka and Katara in The Drill, Ty Lee says they HAVE to jump into the slurry. Mai basically says “fuck that noise” and refuses to do it, even if she thinks Azula will go berserk at them for failing (which she didn’t do so fuck off with your Azula-hater logic, Mai). Mai is willing to defy Azula to protect her dignity, Ty Lee would sooner grovel if it means Azula won’t be angry at her.
The Beach’s bonfire: the scene where the four Fire Nation teens open up to each other is always very important to me, and I find it essential to understand further why I consider Mai and Ty Lee have different kinds of friendships with Azula. When Zuko calls Ty Lee a circus freak? Azula LAUGHS. She huffs afterwards and turns up her nose when Ty Lee is angry about it, but Azula’s instinctive reaction is to LAUGH. Shamelessly. Doesn’t give a crap about how this could hurt Ty Lee and if anything seems annoyed that Ty Lee took it to heart afterwards. On top of that, when Ty Lee begins explaining her family situation, Azula outright says “Here we go again”, in the most dismissive tone possible. Basically, again, she gives zero shits. But when it’s Mai’s turn? Azula tries to reason with her. Azula actually recites why Mai is the way she is, and as much as Mai didn’t appreciate that, Azula wasn’t making fun of her, let alone was her comment on the same level of mockery she showed towards Ty Lee moments earlier. It came off as Azula seriously trying to understand Mai better, whereas with Ty Lee she was just here for a good laugh.
Betrayals: Mai’s betrayal is the breaking point for Azula in the Boiling Rock. But you know what Azula does when this happens? She asks Mai WHY. She’s so confused, so hurt, so utterly blown away by why one of her best friends would turn against her... and she wants to know what brought Mai to make such a controversial decision. Mai then outright says the most offensive thing she could’ve told Azula, Azula reacts, then Ty Lee chi-blocks her... and this time Azula doesn’t ask. This time Azula is just ANGRY. Yes, she was angry at Mai already, but right now she doesn’t care for whatever Ty Lee might say to explain herself. She’s not more offended by Ty Lee’s betrayal, she’s not more surprised, she’s just angrier and she doesn’t care to hear why Ty Lee is choosing Mai over her, just as Mai chose Zuko over her. With Ty Lee, reasons don’t seem to matter.
Now, though, along with all of this, there’s no doubt Mai was dishonest towards Azula in the past and she definitely lied to her face several times (such as in the aforementioned The Headband, where she gives Azula the most ominous side-eye of the entire show). But Azula seems to respect Mai when she doesn’t punish her for her failures, when she wants to understand her, when she even asks for her reasons upon that betrayal. Does this mean theirs was a less toxic friendship altogether than Azula and Ty Lee’s? I’d say yes, even if that doesn’t mean it wasn’t toxic altogether. But I genuinely think Azula had more respect for Mai than she displays for Ty Lee.
That respect is why I find worth in Maizula despite not shipping it. Mai’s cut-and-dry wit plays off well against Azula’s sass, and they definitely could have interesting dynamics if just by factoring in their personalities and character traits. They’re both pretty cold-blooded too, so they have a few similarities that could bring them closer together... I’ve always felt they had very similar understandings of the world around them, after being raised by a royal family and a high-ranked noble family respectively (which is why Azula could see through Mai so well in that scene in The Beach). 
Therefore... there’s potential to it, yes. Do I support it, though? As it was in canon...? Honestly, no. I have said it in previous asks, but it bears repeating: I can’t see canon Azula bouncing back from most her betrayals and old relationships easily, if at all. The way Mai has treated her in canon, both in the show and comics, implies that Mai basically joined Azula because it suited her interests in ATLA and once she was with Zuko she didn’t particularly give a crap about spending time with her friends anymore. There’s very little indication of Mai genuinely respecting Azula back, if anything the comics suggest Mai outright hates her. So, canon-wise, their potential reconciliation wouldn’t be just about Azula redeeming herself and changing her ways... it’s on great measure about Mai forgiving Azula too and deciding Azula is worth her time. And, sad as it makes me, I find it very unlikely for Mai to reach that conclusion about Azula.
Mai and Ty Lee are both guilty of having lied to Azula in the show, of being dishonest with her. Her family is already a toxic mess, and her friends aren’t genuinely her friends in the end. That particular problem, the dishonesty, that they’re capable of lying to Azula’s face and getting away with it, makes me recoil from wanting either of them in Azula’s life anytime soon. I’d honestly only let them return to her life long after Azula has found some semblance of balance and peace, probably with new friends and new purpose in life. Even then, I’m not sure Mai, in particular, would care to rekindle her friendship with Azula at all.
So, ultimately... if it’s an AU, it probably could be done. If you pull off something like I did with them in Gladiator, where a lot of things are given a clean slate (Azula, Mai and Ty Lee’s friendship is far more genuine than it was in the show, as they’re older and have helped each other overcome pretty tough situations), then I could see a relationship between Azula and Mai working. But in canon settings? I think you’d need ten times the story length and efforts needed to redeem Azula to convince Mai that Azula isn’t completely deplorable. It’s sad, yes, because they could have awesome dynamics and that won’t ever be denied... but the way canon established it, I can’t see it happening anytime soon. Personally, I’d sooner root for a non-canon ship that hits all my requirements for Azula than one that only hits about half of them.
13 notes · View notes
xseildnasterces · 4 years
Text
special needs.
Writing during the week is simply becoming impossible. I am beyond exhausted every single day. Even now I am sitting at my desk yawning my head off whilst trying to write this. At the beginning of this week I literally got zero sleep whatsoever, I don’t know why but I was super anxious all the time, even why just laying in bed or watching TV, I can’t really explain it. I have my first appointment today with a psychologist at work. She will help provide me with details of some therapists who she feels may be a good match for me. I’m anxious about it, but I know it’s something I have to do. I am trying to address numerous medical issues at the moment. I also have an appointment today to see a doctor about my skin, which is breaking out like a crazy bitch at the moment. All over my face, neck and back, and literally every single day I wake up with a new spot or loads of new ones. It’s making me feel even more self conscious than normal, so I am hoping she can help. I still haven’t had my mammogram, or the other internal examination I am supposed to have in order for some investigations to take place, and my doctor will probably tell me off about it today, but I can’t face that right now. I know I’ve been saying that for months, but I just can’t. 
I had two afternoons off this week which was nice, and needed due to lack of sleep. On one afternoon I just crashed and the other afternoon I went to a new waxing place. I honestly think I could write a book on all the weird experiences I have had at waxing salons. This one started off really well, the girl doing the waxing didn’t speak to me much, but that was fine as I was too tired and couldn’t be bothered with small talk - but the newest thing for me was the fact that she didn’t leave the room whilst I got undressed!? Of all the different salons I have visited in various countries, this is the first time that I wasn’t left alone to get undressed, nor to get re-dressed again after the treatment. It was the weirdest feeling, having someone standing there waiting for you. This was the first thing that put me off a little bit, but I’m not shy in this sort of setting so it didn’t bother me too much, but that was perhaps because I was wearing a dress so could at least keep myself partially covered whilst walking over and getting on the bed. It started off fine, but halfway through, the girl changed the way she was acting and it was literally as though I’d spat on her. She became so annoyed, and her whole demeanor just shifted. Getting waxed means putting your body in numerous weird positions in order for the wax to be applied, she literally barked commands at me and when I didn’t hear she would push me in certain directions. It was so strange. I really didn’t want to tip, but being in the US I was left with no option but to do so. I will go back because I liked the wax they used and loved the way they did my eyebrows - I no longer look like Charlie from Busted, or as though I have two slugs stuck to my face. I will just ensure that I choose a different girl!
Tomorrow I am going for a facial. Having an appointment for something seems like the only way to actually make myself get up and out of bed on my days off, so I have to schedule things in order to get myself out of the house. The place I am going to has a facial specifically to help acne, so I felt that it was much needed right now. 
After last weekend's ridiculous spending spree, I am trying my very best to curb that habit before it even gets started. I cannot spend money every single time I feel depressed because I will quite literally be spending more time spending money than not - and that is certainly not okay. 
Last night was quite bad. I was feeling very low and really missing people that are no longer part of my life. My mind started wandering, and doing all the things it shouldn’t. Asking all the questions I don’t even want to know the answer to, but also those I do. My mum told me to stop counting, but I haven’t. I just can’t help it. I miss my best friend. I miss the person I want to tell things about my life, and hearing about theirs. I worry about their health, and how things are going with that. I’m proud of how well they have established themselves in certain aspects of their life and I sincerely miss hearing all about it. I read a quote the other day that I guess did sum things up for me but at the same time I am just finding it impossible to move on and forget. I am finding it beyond impossible to accept that they are no longer in my life, and don't want to be ever again. The quote basically said that if people wanted to talk to you regardless of anything else they would reach out, and I know that they never will because I know they don’t want that. And this cannot be turned around from my point of view because they specifically told me they did not want me to contact them and therefore I am only respecting what they want. I could send them a message at any time, any day telling them how much I miss them, but I’m not because of what they asked of me. I also imagine that I am blocked in every possible form of communication oor on social media so my messages would never be received anyway, and what's more, if they did, I can 100% guarantee I would never receive a reply, and never know if the message was indeed received or not. Even just thinking about this causes so much anxiety that my heart is currently beating at an unnatural rate. I noticed the other day that the playlist they created had been deleted. I hadn’t noticed earlier because I still have the playlist saved on my Spotify, so it doesn’t get fully removed until I delete it, but it is no longer on their profile. As stupid as it may seem, I cried. Not as much as I cried when I noticed that they had removed the black band I gave them. That was quite honestly one of the worst weekends of my whole entire life, and I cannot even express how much I thought about suicide. I didn’t eat for days. I didn’t speak to anyone for days and my mum was getting more and more worried about me. I was the definition of broken, but emphasised beyond belief. 
Have I got over it? No, I haven’t. I really wish I was the sort of person who could just erase every inch of someone’s very being from my life. I have tried, but I just can't do it. In fact, perhaps I haven’t tried - not hard enough. I do wonder though, although I shouldn’t, if we did ever speak again, or meet again in the future, would it be the same. Would we still feel the things we have always felt, or would it be completely different? I am assuming for me I would feel the same - nervous and anxious as hell - but the same, yet I think for them that has all gone and I would just be another person they would pass in the street. Another stranger, a person from their past who they had no connection or concern for anymore. I genuinely feel like I have lost so, so much. The pain I feel in my heart is so much more than anything I have ever experienced with my first girlfriend, or past friendships, even with people who I truly loved (as friends) and felt would be part of my life forever. It really is an unexplainable pain, that is not only emotional, but also physical.  
Anyway, this has me heading down a very dark hole, and it’s the middle of the day, so I cannot be doing that to myself right now. The last two days my stomach has been in knots, and I’m not too sure why. I’m ready for the weekend but hope that the weather sorts itself out, because the wind this week has been like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I constantly joke about feeling like Dorothy Gale from the Wizard of OZ, but this week I really did. That's the issue with windows the whole length of your apartment. I honestly felt like they were going to blow in. Yesterday was so bad I literally didn’t need to bother walking to work because the wind blew me the whole way there - this did of course cause issues on the way back because I was walking against it, and clearly that wasn’t very helpful. I wouldn’t be surprised if it took longer to get home purely because of that. 
In three weeks my mum will be here, and if that isn’t something to be happy and smile about, I don’t know what is.
[Blog Title: Special Needs - Placebo].
1 note · View note
redimagines · 5 years
Note
Headcannons for the averge moirail hangout time with Vikare, Tegiri, Chahut and Galekh?
I think im gonna make 3 the limit for now on until i get more comfy w writing. Or you can send in a whole bunch and I’ll pick 3 from the lineup?? That seems like more fun actually. Open ended asks where u let me pick muses are valid and will probs have waaaay more than 3 since theres a lot of trolls i havent written for 
Also Chahut best girl? this is objective fact. Thanks so much
Vikare
You have good taste... He’s very sweet. A genuine good boy, as your moirail he loves to talk to you about his hopes and dreams!! 
This boy is a cuddle machine. Come over and cuddle, he’ll go to you for it, whatever works. 
He’s a pile keeper, and his isn’t that comfortable LMAO its like... parts. Metal. If you’re into that, more power to you 
He loves to go harvesting with you!! He’s fine going alone but having your chatting there to fill the silence makes him feel way more comfortable. He can carry a lot, but having you around to help (if you’re able) is a big plus too!
If you’re lucky enough to be a highblood and have a healing machine, does him coming over to stick his limbs in your wall count as a paledate? because that’s a pretty common occurrence 
Tegiri
He’s probably not the best moirail lol, since you’re going to be doing the emotional heavylifting in this relationship, but he does recognize that imbalance and tries to rectify it whenever he thinks too hard abt it
Hangouts at his place are a regular thing with anime club and all, but moirail time is special. 
I’m having an internal dilemma about  whether or not he’d have a pile of waifu body pillows. On one hand, he definitely has enough to make one, but on the other, do you really think he’d let spinneret-chan suffer like that???? foolish
Moirail time with him consists of destress activities- He’ll make tea, buy some mochi, sit with you on the pile and do whatever. This constitutes as reading manga, playing troll shogi, or just napping while he reads. Whatever you want to do, he’s game
While he’s pretty shitty at formulating plans, schedules are no problem due to teal training! Eventually your paledates will fall into a free block and just become a regular thing :)
Little bonus- Anime cons. If you’re down, palemates cosplay is def a thing, and tbh its something hes like ALWAYS wanted to do so expect him to go all fuckin out babez!!
Galekh
He’s a really good moirail? Wow king, you’re responsible like this
He’s seems like he’d host his palemate more often than not, but Galekh’s always down to move around! He doesn’t have a pile though (since goatdad would absolutely go to town) so that’s up to you lol
Idk why, but he strikes me as a yoga guy? Yoga with Galekh... It’s good for him since he sits a lot while studying, and its good bonding time. Not super private though but not everything has to be :)
Also he loves going out to eat?? There’s a lot of cute cafes he’s been meaning to try! Obviously he’s going to foot the bill, unless youre as well off as he is/a higher blood color and even then if you heavily insist. 
Not a super average hangout time, but something thats definitely on the table- Matching tattoos? Like, nothing big, maybe just a diamond in each others blood color on the wrist or something cute like that
Chahut
7.8/10 too much clown church. Anyways
She loves to chill out there, but totally understands if you feel uncomfortable. She doubts anyone would try shit with her moirail, but it IS  a venue crawling with murderous trolls under the influence, including her, so you never know.
Clubbing is also an option, though that’s not a purely moirail activity. She definitely likes going places with you that Amisia wouldn’t be able to lol
Speaking of Amisia, get togethers with her probably don’t happen a lot either because she and Chahut were kind of waxing pale... though nothing came of that, it’s still rather awkward. They generally go on murder sprees without you lmao rip 
Chilling at your hive is the safest option for hangouts. She likes the downtime, it’s nice to genuinely unwind. Big cuddle energy during these times, napping, talking, and just enjoying each other’s company
51 notes · View notes
ollie-oxen-free · 5 years
Text
for the best
me, thinking abt an idea for angst: “oh, oh ho ho ho ho, what haves’t thou here??? OwO?”
Mapleblossom (ut papyrus/sf papyrus)
WARNINGS: violent urges, insults, suicidal thoughts
It’s quiet in the Tale brother’s house. Snowdin is always quiet, but it’s peaceful, all the sounds muffled from snow. It’s a quiet, soft sort of feeling in their home. Slim typically likes the loud, likes the energy and chaos, but he can appreciate the quiet sometimes. Especially now, thoughts running violent laps around his brain. There’s a soft shuffling sound coming from the kitchen, and he walks into the house further- kicking the snow from his shoes on the mat because he knows how much Papyrus hates it when there are little puddles of water all over their patterned carpet and even the thought of that makes his nonexistent throat clench and his breaths unsteady.
Papyrus either hears him or sees him from the corner of his socket. He’s cleaning, a rag in his hand as he wipes off the counters. There’s a stool in front of the sink that’s not normally there. He must have just cleaned it.
“Slim!” he says, loud and excited. He’s almost always loud, though.
Slim had asked him once why and Papyrus had looked away, seeming to ponder the question for a moment before he shrugged with a grin. ‘That’s just my voice,’ he had said like it was obvious fact. It was nice no matter what.
“What are you doing here?” he asks, both hands holding onto the rag in his hands. Slim stares at the cloth for a moment before he tilts his head down, shoving his hands into his pockets.
“We need to talk.” Brief. Steady. From his peripheral he sees Papyrus frown in concern, brows furrowing in worry. The hands that are holding the rag increase their grip slightly before he lets go, setting it on the counter.
“Okay?” He smiles. Slim has come to know when Papyrus is actually smiling or when he’s forcing it. The sight of a grin that is strained, the way that the lights in his sockets that are already barely there disappear entirely, it lets him know just which one it is.
He steps to the side as Papyrus moves past him going to sit on the couch. “Sans is at Grillby’s right now,” he explains with a slight hint of annoyance in his voice. Underneath that is the degree of fondness that comes when he talks about his brother. It leaves a bitter twist in his soul.
Slim leaves the kitchen and sits on the other side of the couch, not missing the way that Papyrus flinches slightly at the distance. The worry becomes stronger. Slim doesn’t want to talk, hates what he’s doing. He wants to move over beside the other and wrap him in his arms, wants to joke and laugh and indulge in all kinds of stupid, romantic bullshit. Instead he folds his arms over his chest, follows the patterns woven into the carpet on the floor.
It’s quiet for a moment as he gathers his courage. “...What’s wrong?” He glances up to see Papyrus staring at him, entirely open and not judging and worried but he would never force him to talk. Slim grips tighter on his arms, pictures digging a knife into the bone, the scum of the earth.
It stays quiet. After another stiff moments Papyrus fakes a smile, shifts slightly. “We can do a puzzle, if you want.”
It’s entirely off base, something so simple in a time of uncertainty, but the words make him want to laugh, feeling magic threatening to accumulate in his eyes. Papyrus never makes him talk, glad to fill the silence or sit with him until he sorts his shit out. In the back of his mind he recalls times when he’s sat on the floor at the coffee table, Papyrus sitting across from him as they worked in piece by piece of a puzzle when he was feeling a little less than good. He wants to say yes, wants to forget all of this. Wants to slam his fist into the wall for fucking everything up.
He shakes his head. “No, I-” A swallow. Try again around the knot in his soul. “This isn’t working out.”
It’s a different kind of quiet now. One of shock. “I…” Papyrus grins and now he looks up. The other’s leg is bouncing up and down quickly. “What?”
Slim swallows. “It’s over, Papyrus. We can’t be together.”
The forced smile shifts into something genuine, but it’s not happiness. Papyrus stands and he follows the movement, trying to keep his face blank as Papyrus frowns. It’s upset, it’s almost spiteful. He hates being told what he can’t do. In that way, they’re both so similar.
“Why not?” Slim shakes his head, goes to leave, but Papyrus steps in front of him, blocking his path. “No. You’re not leaving until you can tell me why!”
He sidesteps him. The door is right there. Through the window he can see the flakes of snow gently falling to the ground. Papyrus grabs his arm, tight, refuses to let go even as he tries to tug away. He turns and sees the look of hurt in the other’s eyes. In the corner of his sockets glistens the slight magic of tears. He wants to reach out and wipe them away, apologize, do everything he can to fix it.
Push harder.
“Because,” he says, forcing his face into a snarl, “you’re just so pathetic.”
Papyrus’s sockets widen, his grip loosens, and Slim takes the opportunity to yank his arm away, shoving his hands into his pockets.
Press further.
“You go around, thinking you can help, thinking that you matter, but you don’t. You can’t.” He turns because he can’t stand to look at the heartbreak in Papyrus’s eyes, at the hurt. “I’ve put up with it for long enough. I can’t deal with your shit any longer. You’re more annoying than anything.”
And then he walks away, back out the door. Papyrus doesn’t stop him, doesn’t say anything as he leaves and slams the door behind himself hard enough that the snow gathered on the top of the house is disturbed, clumps falling down to leave holes in the fresh snow. He passes the window as he walks by and he can’t help but look inside. Papyrus isn’t looking at him but staring at the floor. His face is blank, expressionless, but Slim can see a few clear tears leaving wet trails down his cheekbones. He turns away, hurries into the back to the machine and then he’s gone like it had never even happened.
Razz is standing there when he gets back, arms crossed over his chest. “Well?”
Slim rolls his head on his shoulders. He wants to scream. “I did it.”
Razz nods, satisfied. The air crackles with magic as he lifts his hand, a few bones forming in the air before he sends them flying to the machine. They embed themselves deep in the metal with a loud crunch and a crackle of electricity. It sparks for a few moments, warning signs and error messages running over the screen embedded in the side before it finally switches off. Slim stares at the machine, now just a hunk of metal and wires.
His gaze makes Razz sigh. “You know it was for the best, Papyrus.” He doesn’t respond. “You were going soft.” Repairs would be nearly impossible. Finding any parts that hadn’t already been scalvaged by Undyne was just a hopeful dream. “You could get yourself killed.”
At that he finally looks at his brother. His hands are shaking and he wants to grab something and slam it against the wall like he used to, taking a chair and swinging it over his head just for the satisfaction of having it break in his hands. He’s shaking. His magic feels unsteady and despite any progress he may have made the past couple of months he wants nothing more than to sink a needle into the bones on his arm.
Razz scoffs, but it’s less angry and more annoyed. “You’re crying.”
He reaches a hand up and wipes his cheekbone and damn, he is. That’s real fucking unfortunate. His awareness of it just makes the tears come faster. He folds his jacket over his hands and presses the sleeves into his sockets, fighting to keep the hiccup out of his breaths. “So I am,” he says. It’s shakier than he would like.
Another sigh. “You see now? You never used to cry.” He was usually too doped up to do much more than smile and just follow whatever Razz told him to do. “You’ve been too merciful because of him.”
It’s his own fault. He should have known better. Someone tried to kill him, came at him, and he beat them within an inch of their life before he thought of Papyrus and his smiles and his kindness and “It really only takes one person to make a difference!” and he let them go with a warning, watched them run away with snow kicking up behind their heels. They’d gone on a killing spree, desperate to prove their own pride after being beaten, and they managed to handle it but the moment Razz found out why-
He laughs, rubbing his sockets harder. It hurts slightly, burns with the friction. “Yeah. My bad.” He grins, drops his hands to his sides. He feels hollow and worthless. His mind keeps flicking back to the look on Papyrus’s face, at the tremble of the other’s hand he had felt when he’d gripped his sleeve.
Razz stares at him for a few more moments before he sighs and turns away, marching up the stairs. His steps are smooth and casual. Commanding. “You’ll thank me later. I’m keeping you alive.”
Slim doesn’t respond, waits for the sound of the door shutting behind him. It was for the best. He doesn’t give a fuck about himself, someone could slowly grind him to dust with a nail file against his bones until he’s just a pile that needs to be swept up and he wouldn’t give a damn about it. But he could hurt Papyrus. The very thought makes him want to vomit, but he’s not sure if it’s emotion or the fact that he hasn’t eaten anything since Razz first told him what he had to do a few days earlier. He leans against the wall, back scraping the concrete as he collapses to the ground.
It was for the best.
29 notes · View notes
timelessbian · 7 years
Note
I saw the ouat and supergirl homophobic thing you reblogged, can you tell me what both of those shows' actors did, I'm a little out of the loop 😓😬😚
okay i might not be the best person to ask bc i kind of did my best to stay out of the ouat drama when it was big and i’m not really involved with the supergirl fandom but i can tell you what i remember/gathered from my dash:
the ouat fandom has always had serious problems with the cast/showrunners ranging from being dismissive of lgbtq+ relationships to being down right disgusting and rude (mostly in relation to swan queen)
i think it was ginny who tweeted early on that the pilot of ‘once upon a time in my pants’ didn’t get picked up implying that queer relationships are - by nature - x-rated (paraphrasing bc i don’t have the actual tweet saved)
sdcc 2013 was kind of a mess all around if i remember right. jmo made an off-handed comment about how ‘all her ships were on the couch’ (it was an interview with colin and mrj i think and at this point in time sq was an extremely vocal part of the fanbase so she knew) and there was a question asked about swan queen that was answered pretty dismissively imo (here’s a link to a video bc i don’t think i could explain it well)
there was also the whole scandal with michael coleman, the guy who plays happy i think, where he went on a twitter rampage essentially claiming that the entire cast/crew was against swan queen and it was a huge joke on set (once again, i’m paraphrasing but i’m sure someone has the receipts)
i think there was also some twitter drama with yvette nicole brown who was the voice of ursula in 1 ep and she’s moderated the sdcc panels a few times. i think she went on a blocking spree or something and unironically told sq shippers they needed jesus (i’m fuzzy on this one so please correct me if i’m wrong!)
then there was the whole build-up to the queer romance that ‘had to be done right’ and ‘naturally’ and was going to be important to the storyline and then it was one ep and the characters were never seen again oops
and the lovely mulan/aurora queerbaiting too, that was fun
TL;DR: basically it was just a generally messed up atmosphere coupled with sects of fandom that were absolutely disgusting with their blatant homophobia who were empowered every time anyone on the cast said anything. it was beyond toxic tbh (although lana in particular was usually really good at being supportive!)
as for supergirl, like i said i’m not really involved in the fandom but from what i’ve gathered here’s what went down:
jeremy jordan and melissa benoist were doing a singing recap of s2 and not only did they leave out sanvers (aka a HUGE part of the hype for s2) but they also mocked supercorp shippers saying that kara and lena are just friends and that’s all they’re ever going to be (i have not watched the video myself, but it’s out there if you want to)
jj gave a total non-apology where he basically said he was an ally and it was a joke and he’s not homophobic and it was a joke and people are sending him hate so he’s the real victim here (didn’t save the image, but i’m sure it’s still making the rounds)
i guess they confirmed that sanvers is going to be sidelined bc they knew floriana lima could only do one season but they’re not breaking up so they can still pat themselves on the back for having a wlw relationship without having to show it
katie mcgrath gave a GREAT answer about supercorp, saying that it’s not up to her what people take away from her character and shippers’ interpretations are just as valid (that is not sarcasm i genuinely liked her answer)
melissa may have implied that she couldn’t be homophobic bc she was on glee?? have not seen screencaps/videos yet, but i’ve seen posts circulating. don’t know how true they are, but it sounds like something that would happen in this mess rn
TL;DR: in one fell swoop, the supergirl cast managed to alienate a huge chunk of their fanbase and seem to not even realize how/why what they said is fucked up. on top of that, they’re still minimizing their one (1) lesbian relationship while begging for cookies bc of it. (that being said, katie, david harewood, and odette annable have been lovely from what i’ve heard and even though chyler leigh wasn’t there, she’s so incredible to lgbtq+ fans too!)
tbh i didn’t believe that a cast could be more inept (to put it lightly) at dealing with their femslash fanbase than ouat, but then supergirl showed up, sang ‘hold my beer’ and here we are.
like i said, i’m not the best person to explain everything. this is all mostly personal memory/things i heard from this weekend so if anyone has more information or corrections, pls feel free to share
5 notes · View notes