#goats are jerks
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dracula daily tumblr: van helsing hasn’t told seward about dracula yet because seward runs an asylum and will assume he’s mad!
tumblr: yeah right he just likes the drama
van helsing: *shows seward vampires exist*
seward: ah shit he’s gone mad
tumblr:
#dracula daily#van helsing is an absolute goat he knows all#you tried your best vh bestie seward is just a jerk
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i hope they made the goats little shitheads (affectionate) like they are in real life. i want those little bitches eating anything they can reach. your sims is petting it? it’s eating your shirt. oh they’re holding it now? it’s eating their hair. planted some fresh crops? goat ate it. kid left their homework in the pen? their teacher’s never gonna believe this...
#goats are such little jerks i lvoe them#there's a place my family LOVES going to where we can go on 'goat hikes'#and we just go on a walk around the fields of the farm with baby goats is SO fun#they'll keep stopping to eat grass or beef with each other they're so cute#or they just abruptly stop and wont walk anymore and you have to pick them up UGHJ i love goats#one time we went when it was too cold for walks so you can just sit in the barn with them#and one climbed up on my lap and fell asleep for the entire like half hour it was SO cute#UGH goats!!!!!!! 🥰🥰#court rambles
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🚨 News Flash 🚨 The Christmas Menu 2023 event last call for order will be December 10! So be sure to secure your order as soon as possible to avoid disappointment. Can’t wait to get started on crafting your stress-free Christmas feast. Again thanks to all my supporters as we make 2023 a year to remember!
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For those yet to order, you don’t want to miss out on some festive sensations:
✨ Jerk Chicken
✨ Curry Goat
✨ Jerk Sausage
✨ Macaroni and Cheese
✨ Fruit Cake
✨ Cookies ‘n’ Cream Cake
✨ @baileysofficial Red Velvet Cake
✨ Pineapple Upside-Down Cake
✨ Apple Crumble
✨ Sorrel (non-alcoholic)
✨ Jerk Ketchup (condiment)
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Looking to have a bountiful feast this Christmas and need a few items to make your dinner table truly festive? Email me for the full menu, pricelist and how to order — [email protected] !
•
#jerkchicken #jerksausage #jerkketchup #currygoat #macaroniandcheese #macaronincheese #fruitcake #blackcake #rumcake #rumcakes #jamaicanrumcake #cookiesandcream #baileys #irishcream #redvelvet #baileysredvelvet #pineappleupsidedowncake #pineappleupsidedown #applecrumble #sorrel #cake #christmas #christmasdinner #christmasdinnertable #christmastime #christmasdinnerideas
#Christmas menu#Christmas#cake#cakes#cakemeistro#jerk chicken#Apple crumble#jerk sausage#curry goat#baileys red velvet#red velvet#Oreo#cookies and cream#pineapple upside down#sorrel#fruit cake#black cake#rum cake#Jamaican cuisine#made to order#London#London food
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#pantrepant#lunch#jamaicanfood#jamaican food#rice and peas#curry goat#jerk chicken#jamaica#island life
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Craving Caribbean food 🤤
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im not saying james needs to look hot because that would be the worst timeline, i actually think his model looks great and the guy they modelled his face after does too for the role i just think whoever is directing the animation and specifically the facial expressions is the REAL problem.
why do they have him constantly doing a sad puppy face into the camera they dont need to do all of that and then he also has a deep gravelly action man voice too like mannn thats not james like who made these decisions?
#why did they clean up james why are they trying to make him more sympathetic#james is a pathetic sack of shit#why are we cleaning him up#speaking of clean#why is silent hill ‘the fucking nightmere town’ so goddamn clean#where is the grime??? the shits supposed to be disgusting#all this effort into making shit look more realistic to the point where we see the skin shifting on his palms as he does whatever tf#but none of those graphics went to making shit dirty???#that would be a much more impressive showcase of graphical capability dont you think?#the nurses really get my goat tho#they are straight up not dirty like at all#why are we so focused on making the walking corpes with used condoms for heads clean enough for people to jerk it to#even the most sexy sh nurse before this was dirtier tf#man#i need to stop#but im not going to stop#ill stop tomorrow
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And what happened, then? Well, in Camp Halfblood they say, that the Dionysus's small heart grew three sizes that day.
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Yeah man Jamaican Restaurant
Phone: (770) 675-3939
Address: 302 Veterans Memorial Hwy Suite 156, Mableton, Georgia 30126
Website: https://www.yeahmanrestaurantinc.com
Jamaican Restaurant
#Jamaican Restaurant#Jamaican Food#jerk chicken#oxtails#beef patties#Jamaican food catering#Jamaican food near me#curry goat#event space
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Lunch :)
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Smorgasbord Blog Magazine – Carol Taylor’s – Culinary A – Z Rewind – ‘O’ for Oats, Offal, Octopus, Oranges and Oysters.
Welcome to a repeat of the series from my very first the wonderful Culinary A – Z and a reminder, not only of the amazing variety of food we have available to us today from around the world, but delicious recipes to showcase them.
My thanks go to Sally from Smorgasbord Magazine who is repeating this series…Sally is a star for all the wonderful work she does in promoting blogs and writers to read…
View On WordPress
#Chicken Liver red curry with green beans#Quick crunchy Oats#blogging#Sticky Jerk Chicken with blood Oranges#Stuffed Onion with goat’s cheese and sun dried tomatoes.
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Throat goat (satosugu)
ʚ cont: established relationship, throat fucking, oral (gojo!r), fingering (gojo!r), dirty talk, cum eating, implied bottom gojo satoru
MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ
Geto rested his weight on his knees, his sharp, dark eyes looking up at Gojo’s flushed face as he jerked the length of his cock up and down, rubbing his precum all over his dick. Gojo panted at the feeling of Geto’s large, burning hands on his sensitive cock. His pants slipped further down his porcelain leg with Geto's help, his free hand wrapping around the back of Gojo’s bare thigh for support.
“Put it in your mouth… please” Gojo begged, his words needy and breathless. “so impatient, Satoru. you were too spoiled when you were young.” Geto teased before leaning forward and taking the head of Gojo’s cock between his lips, his tongue laying flat inside his mouth against the head, tasting the bitter-sweet flavor of Gojo’s cum on the head of his dick.
“Oh god-“ Gojo whined, patting his legs further from the small stimulation, his head tipping back against the cold wall of his apartment. Geto internally smiled to himself at how sensitive Gojo was, moaning and crying from such a simple touch.
Geto wasted no time in pushing his head forward and taking Gojo's cock into his throat with ease, resulting in a strangled whine from the man above him, who reached down with a shaky hand and gripped his hair tightly. Suguru wanted to curse him out for pulling his hair so hard, knowing Satoru was going to lose himself and tangle his hair up in a mess, but the way Satoru looked while getting sucked off was too pretty to interrupt.
Gojo’s head tipped back, his jaw opened as whines and moans left his pretty lips, the dark blush across his cheeks that spread down to his neck and under the collar of his shirt. Geto bet everything his nipples were the same color, hard and begging to be touched.
Geto bobbed his head back and forth, rolling his tongue around Gojo’s cock as he took him in and out of his mouth hands-free, the hand previously jerking him off resting on the back of his thigh like his other hand. "A-ahh nggghh!" Gojo was a whining mess above him, his hips wiggling from side to side, fighting the urge to fuck Geto's face as he knew how much Suguru hated that without warning.
Gojo brought one of his hands up to his mouth and stuck two of his long, slender fingers inside, his tongue licking around them and getting them wet. Geto watched with lidded eyes as he pressed his fingers too deep inside his cavity and gagged, a gasp being released from Gojo's lips when he pulled them back from the feeling, a string of saliva connecting his fingers to his lips.
Geto took the entirety of Gojo's cock into his throat and stayed there, face pressed against the soft hair on Gojo's pelvis. Suguru could feel his cock jump inside his mouth as he swallowed around him, tasting the pre-cum that leaked from his needy boyfriend's cock. "Your throat is so tight-" Gojo cried, his eyes rolling back in his head as he reached his wet fingers behind his body to find his tight, unprepped hole.
Geto moaned around his cock, acknowledging his words. The vibrations went straight to Gojo's balls, getting fuller by the second. Gojo rubbed his wet fingers against his hole in circles before he pressed them inside together, stretching himself out. Geto couldn't tell what he was doing from there, but he could see how Gojo's eyes fluttered back in his head, his jaw clenching and unclenching as he pushed his fingers inside.
Geto pulled back and began his pace again, bobbing his head back and forth on Gojo's cock. The lewd noises from Geto's throat only tightened the coil inside Gojo's stomach. Gojo began thrusting his fingers in and out of his ass at the same pace Geto was taking him into his throat. "H-ahh hah- s-shit-" He moaned, his whole body tingling when he just barely grazed his prostate.
Geto rubbed his hand up the back of his thigh, stopping in his tracks momentarily when his hand bumped into Gojo's which was in the way of where he was trying to go--his asshole. Suguru caught on quick, caught on to why Gojo had gotten so much louder. Geto popped his mouth fully off his cock with an "ahh," sound, before he pressed the tips of two of his fingers against Gojo's which were stuffed in his ass, wet with his spit.
"You're gonna need something a lot bigger to stretch you out." Suguru teased, pressing his fingers in with Gojo's. "You- fuck-" Gojo whined at the stretch, Geto's fingers were so much thicker and bigger than his, but god did it feel good. Geto smiled, making eye contact with his boyfriend before he took his cock back into his mouth, taking him into his throat with ease as he matched the pace of his fingers with Gojo's.
"Right there Suguru, don't stop-" He moaned, his legs shaking when Geto's fingers hit his prostate right on, massaging it in a way only he could. Geto moaned around him, letting him know he heard him, though he knew that wasn't going to stop Gojo from running his mouth. "H-harder, do it harder-" He begged, his own fingers moving weakly with Geto's as he let his boyfriend do all the work.
Geto licked the underside of Gojo's cock, rubbing his tongue all over the sensitive vein he knew drove Gojo crazy as he slammed his fingers harder into his ass how he wanted, how he knew would make him cum. "Suguru l-let me cum in your mouth, please," Gojo begged, his fingers curling into the back of his head, not allowing Suguru to pull away even if he wanted to.
"I'm gonna c-cum, I- Im cumming!" Gojo groaned, his hips jerking against Geto's face as he came deep inside his throat. Suguru's face scrunched in discomfort as Gojo forced his hips flush against Geto's face, making sure his dick was as deep as possible as he shot his load down his throat. Geto choked a bit, trying to swallow each time he felt Gojo cum.
Their fingers were getting squeezed by Gojo's tight hole with each wave of his orgasm, Geto's fingers only making his high last longer as he continued to jab his fingers against the sensitive bundle of nerves in his ass. Gojo collapsed to his knees in front of Geto with a whine, his head falling on his shoulder, his soft hair splaying out on his shoulder as his cock hung between them, twitching in the aftershocks of his orgasm.
Geto placed a hand on his sore throat, coughing and swallowing the residual cum in his mouth. "Eat more fruit please, your cum tastes horrible." Geto jabbed,patting Satoru's naked thigh with his other hand. Gojo lifted his head and smiled at his boyfriend with that signature cocky smirk of it, "Says the man who swallowed it allll up." he replied.
"Not like you gave me much of a choice, whining about wanting to cum in my throat while you keep my head glued to your dick," Geto said, his eyebrows furrowing in displeasure as he looked at Geto. Gojo smiled and leaned forward again, placing his head back on Suguru's shoulder. "I eat plenty of sugar, I bet it tastes sweet and you're just being a big baby." He replied, sounding sure of himself.
The corner of Geto's mouth twitched in annoyance. He was going to retort but he decided to keep it in and opt to just heave out a loud sigh in response. "See? You know I'm right." Gojo added, pushing his luck. Geto reached his hand behind Gojo and smacked him on the back of the head, resulting in a whine from Gojo. "Next time I'm gonna spit your cum into your mouth, see how you like it." Geto threatened, though his threat didn't exactly elicit the effect he was looking for when his boyfriend turned his head to the side and wiggled his eyebrows at him, "Kinky."
#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#satosugu smut#satosugu#gego smut#gego#gogesmut#goge#gojo satoru smut#gojo smut#geto smut#suguru geto smut#geto x gojo#gojo x geto#gojo satoru x geto suguru#geto suguru x gojo satoru
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The Christmas Menu 2023 event is here, and the only lump of coal there is is the one to start the grill 🔥. Lots of delectable and indulgent treats await to complete your dinner table this Christmas. Simply order what you want and we will deliver just in time for the Christmas festivities 🥳!
•
Swipe through to see what made our naughty-good list 😏:
✨ Jerk Chicken
✨ Curry Goat
✨ Jerk Sausage
✨ Macaroni and Cheese
✨ Fruit Cake
✨ Cookies ‘n’ Cream Cake
✨ Baileys Red Velvet Cake
✨ Pineapple Upside-Down Cake
✨ Apple Crumble
✨ Sorrel (non-alcoholic)
✨ Jerk Ketchup (condiment)
•
Still finalising a few details but if you are looking to have a bountiful feast this Christmas and need a few items to nice up you mouth and table, email me for the full menu, pricelist and how to order — [email protected] !
•
#jerkchicken #jerksausage #jerkketchup #currygoat #macaroniandcheese #macaronincheese #fruitcake #blackcake #rumcake #rumcakes #jamaicanrumcake #cookiesandcream #baileys #irishcream #redvelvet #baileysredvelvet #pineappleupsidedowncake #pineappleupsidedown #applecrumble #sorrel #cake #christmas #christmasdinner #christmasdinnertable #christmastime #christmasdinnerideas
#Christmas#cake#pineapple upside down cake#sorrel#jerkchicken#Jamaican jerk#apple crumble#jerk ketchup#cookies and cream#curry goat#jerk sausage#cakemeistro#Christmas menu#Christmas 2023#food to order#Christmas food to order#baileys red velvet cheese cake#Jamaican cuisine
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tentacle monster pumping you full of bimbo juice?
himbo in this case but horny is as horny dose.
Who doesn't love a hike through monster-infested forests? yeah yeah, you read the signs warning you about all sorts of beasts, but truly there were no more beautiful mountains than these ones. The grass was always greener on the other side of the barbed wire "no trespassers" fence. or- however, the saying goes.
You have to sneak in late at night. Perfect for watching the stars and the moon. You hike toward the top of the mountain through the thick foliage. Humans aren't supposed to be here, so there aren't any trails. Even though it's dark, you walk easily.
You're almost breaking through the trees to see the glorious night- then you trip. Normally you're as surefooted as a mountain goat but you go straight to the floor, knocking the breath out of your lungs. you try to stand but whatever you tripped was caught around your ankle. you try to pull your boot free but the clump of greenery tightens its grip. At first, you think you just stepped in a thick of weeds, then the growth of plants starts climbing up your legs.
You watch in fascination as a thick green vine breaks free from the regular plants and slides up your thigh dipping under the fabric of your hiking shorts. You're so interested in this incredible plant, then it touches the edge of your boxers and the Fear clicks in like a switch being flipped.
You jerk back and try to escape but the vine wraps around your thigh squeezing painfully keeping you in place. More vines sprout out of nowhere and wrap around your arms and other leg, pulling you spread eagle. Another vine slides up your neck, caressing your face, you open your mouth to scream and the vine slips into your mouth, pressing hot and heavy against your tongue. Something sweet spills onto your tongue. You don't want to swallow the sap but it's choking you. So you swallow.
Again, it's like a switch being flipped. You have no idea what you were so freaked about you feel great. The vines are so pretty, they're warm and feel good against your skin as they strip you out of your clothes. You don't just feel good, you feel horny. all you can think about is how needy you feel, how much you want to get fucked right now.
The vines slither over your chest and down to your exposed sex. One vine pushes inside your dripping pussy, and another wraps around your T-cock. You moan loudly, the sound of your pleasure only muffled by the thick vine still in your mouth.
You lose track of time as the creature fucks you mercilessly. You can't keep track of how many times you cum either. But that's okay, you reason. This monster can do the thinking for you. All you have to worry about is your pleasure.
Eventually, the creature lets you down, leaving you naked covered in sap-like cum. You blink dizzily. The sunlight of a new day blinded you even though it was night when your journey started. the only thought left in your fucked out mind is "Nature really is amazing"
#monster imagine#monster fucker#monster boyfriend#monster#teratophillia#vine monster#tentacles#monster boy#trans#male reader#x male reader
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milf oc helping dilf jk with his morning wood! 😸
☆ dilf!jk, morning fun, blowjobs under the covers, oc’s a throat goat
you peppered kisses down your husband’s chest, middle, and pelvis where his boxers hung low. your mouth waters when you come in contact with his dick print, cock hard against his hip.
slowly you peel his boxers down and take his throbbing shaft into your hand. you can feel him twitch in his sleep but you pay no mind and lean down to lay a kiss over his weeping tip.
in his sleep he grumbles but doesn’t move other than a few little jerks here and there. you wrap your lips around the head swirl your tongue around, digging it into the slit. had he been awake by now he’d probably be begging you to take him all the way, the tip’s a sensitive spot for him.
he softly moans and bucks his hips up, you hum softly and decide to take more of him. you inch down until his cock’s fully seated on your tongue, the tip poking at the back of your throat. saliva gathers in your mouth as you messily suckle, tongue moving over the underside of his cock.
you bob your head slowly, pulling all the way to the tip before taking him back in. you do this a couple more times till his soft breathing stops and he’s peeking under the blankets, “baby?” he rasps out, voice thick with pleasure.
you let his cock pop out of your mouth, your lips are swollen and glossed over. you smile softly up at him as you lay your head on his thigh, “hi baby.”
“mm.” he lets his head flop back and he relaxes, “please?” he mumbles.
you grin softly and go back down.
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A Very Monstrous Kinktober: Day 7 (Stuck in a Wall)
Kink: Stuck in a Wall
Pairing: Male!Satyr x GN!Reader
Other Kinks: Creampie
Warnings: N/A
Word Count: 1098 words
Kinktober Masterlist
“Well, ain’t this funny?”
“Yes, I am aware of the apparent comedy of this situation.” You deadpan, rolling your eyes even though Georgios can’t see you. “Could you help?”
“I dunno.” Georgios drawls, the sexy southern accent of his sounding especially snarky at the moment. “Seems awful inappropriate, me grabbing ya by the hips and such.” You hear a thunk, presumably Georgios leaning up against the other side of the wall you are currently stuck in. “Ain’t you the one he said we shouldn’t be fraternizing so much at work?”
“Considering I am currently stuck halfway through the barn window, I think an exception can be made here.” You knew telling Georgios, that horn dog, that you couldn’t fuck in the hay whenever you fell like would come to bite you in the butt. It's not that you didn’t want to, but considering how many “breaks” you guys had been taking these past few weeks, your daily productivity had gone way down.
Georgios, in rebellion of your suggestion, had gone out of his way not to touch you these past couple days. It's what had made you so cantankerous, what had made you distracted, and what made you accidentally knock off the lock keeping the slide open as you leaned in to get something through the window.
“If you say so. But I better not hear about how I distracted you from your chores.”
“Me being stuck seems to be the most distracting thing at the moment. Now, just pull up-”
You gasp as Georgios yanks at the gem of your jeans, revealing the top of your underwear
“Georgios!”
“What?” He asks, voice reeking of mischief. “I’m trying to help, not my fault you ain’t wearing a belt.” Georgios yanks again, not even trying to actually grab your hips, and your pants fly down, revealing your tight underwear. You hear a muttered “Damn, what an ass.” Through the window pane.
“That's clearly not helping.”
“I dunno what you’re talking about. It seems you’re a whole lot looser than before.” A calloused, working man's hand prods at your hole, making you jerk. “In more ways than one.”
You shamefully admit that the past few days of no sex has made your body extra sensitive, Georgios thumb enough to send a shiver down your spine. Your abdomen tightens, craving something to fill it.
Trying to fight your wandering mind, you don’t even feel Georgios trying to pull at the hems of your underwear until he does, cold air brushing against your ass. You want to yell at him, tell him to get his mind out the gutter and watch himself, but all you get is a breathy moan as Georgios slips two fingers into your sensitive entrance. So smooth too, almost like-
You hear the squirt of a bottle.
Did that rat bastard bring lube with him?
You curse, wondering if maybe that thing you needed, so tantalizingly set in front of the busted window, was just ‘misplaced’ afterall.
But your snark is cut off by more moans, Georgios scissoring his fingers in and out of you. Thighs clenching, knees beginning to shake, dammit, it feels good.
“See? This is nice.” Georgios purrs, drawl purring deeper and deeper. “Why we gotta fight it so hard anyway? It’s our farm after all.”
“Yeah, but-” Breath catches in your throat, the familiar head of Georgios cock pressing against your tight hole. The fur of goat legs brush against the back of your thighs, goosebumps running up your thighs. “Oooh.” You pant, like a dog in heat.
Even through the window you know Georgios smirking, always knowing how to push your buttons. Damn Satyrs and their irresistible charm.
“That’s right, sugar, just relax.” Gerogios rubs his calloused hand along your backside, delighted in the way you squeak when he hits it. “Lemme treat my baby right.”
Losing all pretense to fight it, you let your body sink into the pleasure. You don’t bite back your moans as Georgios sinks into you, letting the pleasant burning stretch ripple through your hips. His moan is kore guttural, probably tossing his head back as he finally sinks into you, balls deep.
These 3 days have been the longest you’ve gone without having sex, and Georgios is starving.
His ball slap against your underside as he fucks you, too horny to slowly undo you like he usually does, setting a hard and heavy pace. You can't complain, not with the way it stirs something deep in your huts, hitting the right spots inside of you.
“Georgios!” You keen, voice high and whiny. The position you're stuck in means you can’t throw your hips backwards as you usually do, left at the mercy of your husband to set the pace.
Georgios is kind, thankfully, using your hips like handles to yank on to his dick. The slick sounds of lube and precum ring out as his pelvis knocks against your ass cheeks, his fur getting damp with your juices.
“Fuck, baby, how am I supposed to resist this?” Georigos slaps your ass, having you squeal like a pig. “Walking around in these jeans, all hot and sweaty, not being able to touch ya’.” Georgios thrusts extra hard, swiveling his hips to press up against the deepest part of you. “It’s downright cruel.”
He makes a compelling point. Why did you even suggest such a rule?
You’re left with no proper arguments against him as the tingly sensation spreads down to your toad, that delicious high coming nearer and nearer. The hot and stuffy barn interior has sweat dripping down the side of your face, tongue lolled out like a proper cum-dump.
“That's it, baby. Cum for daddy.” Georgios purrs, slapping your ass against his hips starts to get more frantic. “I’ll give you a treat if you do, fill you up for being so good.”
Your thighs close together, knees beginning to tremble as that buzzing moves up your chest, all the way to your face. Your head feels stuffed with cotton, so close, so close-
“Aah!”
“Oooh shit.” Georgios stutters as you spasm around him. He’s able to ride out a couple more thrusts before shooting deep inside you, a heavy load from 3 days of blue balls.
You hear a thud against the window pane, just able to contort enough to see Georgios head resting against the window, dick softening inside you. Drips of cum leak out of you, making even more of a mess.
Whelp, guess you’d have to accept your new rule as a lost cause. Gods know you could never give up this.
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