#gyno meme

[caught-in-the-filter]

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

40: What do you wear to bed?

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Thanks: 🥰❤️😘

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

… No? 😇 (But it’s hot to think of doing so off someone else’s fingers or lips or….)

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

I mean, honestly? The reassurances that I’m not like… totally hideous and undesirable, and in ways that don’t uncomfortably fetishize the things I’m insecure about but actually make it feel safe and good and sexy to just… be, without worrying about any expectations. ❤️🫠

(But also making someone cum without ever touching them is 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 smiling and giggling like “I’m going to get a good grade in sexting, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve (and doesn’t require professor roleplay, just the tumblr meme)” lol 😂😅🙈😇🫠🔥❤️)

(And also too honestly….. some consensual objectification can feel like a really good compliment too. 😇)

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

Mmmnnhh probably dirty talk, kissing that gets handsy, and teasing, which better not be exclusive to the foreplay. 😏 Beyond that, I’ll still have to really find out someday.

40: What do you wear to bed?

Old graphic tees that have been demoted to pajamas for one reason or another lol, and soft shorts or capris, or guy’s pajama bottoms I got from Hot Topic because I wanted usable pockets and hate the stupid elastic around the ankles that a lot of women’s pajamas have.

41: When was the first time you masturbated:

Oof uhhmmm definitely late to the game lol. I was completely closed off to literally anything sex-related including solo play pretty much til college. I just… didn’t get it. It sounded gross (and a lot of it still does in practice if I think too much into it tbh).

Cue tumblr and AO3 making me curious what I might be missing out on. But I didn’t really do all that much (definitely no penetration, was still a Good Little Christian Girl™️ riddled with guilt and fear) til a while after a terrible experience at my first and so far only gyno appointment which I’ve talked about on here before when it happened. I wanted to… sort of take back control of what happened basically, and hopefully make something good out of it crossing a line for me. And I did. And later bought toys. And I don’t regret it.

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

Who’s asking? 😇

(I can neither confirm nor deny. Honestly though, whether or not I’d want anyone else to see them, if I were to take lewds, it’s also for myself and helps me feel better about my own body and get more confident and comfortable in my own skin to see myself in ways and angles beyond “mirror with shitty lighting” or “bad (non-lewd) photo someone else took,” even if they only stay in my own hidden camera roll. ❤️)

#anon #anonymous #Kayla answers #personal

[bisexual-slime]

FUCK i had to make an emergency gynecologist appointment and i would’ve had to wait until tuesday to see a woman so i had to book a visit with a man. it’s my first time seeing a gyno which is stressful enough but i also have to go to a fucking dude. i genuinely feel like crying and throwing up, not even using meme vernacular right now

fuuuck I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how scary this must feel. I had one appointment with a male doctor regarding reproductive help and that was horrible and nerve wracking, and it wasn't even invasive, it was just to get the implant in my arm replaced. I avoid gynecological altogether because this is my worst nightmare. I'm really sorry, I've got no real advice to offer here other than just try and relax leading up to the appointment (easier said than done, I know) to make it as easy as possible. Men should never be allowed into the field of gynaecology. I really hope this appointment goes well for you and you get the treatment you need

#ask #anon #i really am sorry this is happening #I've never had a gynecological appointment before and im putting off getting a pap smear (i got my letter in the mail about a month ago) #its just so scary #i had a checkup last august that ended in me being diagnosed with cervical ectropion. and then nothing happened. no treatment no follow up #i am still in pain and it still feels like my cervix is on fire but whatever its cool i guess :)

[sleepynegress]

Watching Drama on Twitter on a Black Woman-Owned Vaginal Product co, The Honey Pot...

I've said most of what I had to say there...but tumblr gives you more room to really go in.

Okay. So, here's what happened. The Honey Pot is a company known for it's vaginal washes & pads etc...

Marketed as free of harmful "unnatural" ingredients, black women in particular have praised in gentleness and improvement in various genital sensitivities... *sigh* Well, the ingredient label changed and an all hell broke loose.

Black women turned into that Community meme, where the room was chaos by the time Ttroy got back with pizza. People were pretending to know which chemicals were "bad" based on a random app and claiming they would never buy the product again.

Opportunistic folks jumped in with their own "yoni" products (which lol anything that mentions a yoni is a scam) and... It was very obviously about BLACK WOMEN treating another BLACK WOMAN worse, because she is a BLACK WOMAN. They had expectations they didn't have for other products and worse, the so-called chemicals they were freaking out about were:

#1 more expensive w/o raising the price, and.. #2 a more effective and safe preservative (still natural BTW! which honestly people need to realize natural don't mean dick when it comes to safety, effectiveness, etc). So... yeah. They went ham, claiming she'd sold out, in that she had literally sold the company (she hadn't) and now this rumor will definitely put a dent in her business. Now, the thing I didn't want to get into there... that I will here is the stigma and frankly unhealthy emphasis on cleanliness that is in particular, in black feminine genital culture. So... Trauma. You understand how a person may avoid popcorn and movie theatres, if say...they were there when a shooter killed people and thus they carry around that horrific trigger... So... Collective trauma. Generational trauma. One stigma carried over from being dehumanized for centuries and thought as less than human, and being insulted as soiled and dirty, because of our gorgeous highly melanated skin....Is this hyper-viligence when it comes to cleanliness. Now... In some cases, I honestly think the defaults could learn something from us when it comes to that (see: using a washing cloth, washing your legs, using lotion, etc) in others... that hyper-diligence *really* harms us. Those feminine genitals is one of those spaces. And I think, beyond just the self-prejudice, that culture of cleanliness also contributed to that sad little witchhunt/sabatoge of a successful black woman business ower. REALLY all you need is water to drink and clean with (tho I personally prefer a gentle soap to clean my own vulva), a good diet, less stress, STI protection and diligence (pee and wash before and after intercourse), and frequent trips to a good gyno... ...And I also highly suggest cutting carb and processed sugar intake (swap sodas for fresh fruit), and take in a goodly amount of pro- and prebiotics. There was and is nothing magic about The Honey Pot products.

It's Summer's Eve with ingredients that may be less likely (or more likely depending on your vulva) to be the thing you like. But I HATE how quickly and easily folk tore that woman apart for doing a thing every. single. black. woman who had a problem tolerate or didn't even notice in other brands they use, drink, eat, sleep on, etc. from large (and likely evil) corporations. But the expectation were higher, because she is black. *smh*

Anyway, if you wanna see what I'm talking about just check the debacle in twitter. THANKFULLY, black cosmetic chemists have weighed in, but the damage is done and it's frustrating to watch.

#the less charitable part of me wants to say people are stupid #but no it's actually laziness and ease of narrative #the honey pot #honey pot #yoni #is a bullshit term #just don't put anything up there #like douches or eggs or steams....yeesh #rambling #meta #vaginal health #hygiene #vaginal hygiene #black business owners #soap is fine if you prefer but just water is best

[flapperwitch]

Hey, hope youre doing good. Ive followed you for a bit and i know youve spoken before about living with endo and chronic pain. For the past 6 months ive been dealing with a shit ton of pain, cramping and i just had a cramp tonight that was super scary. Got super sweaty, shaking and such. Theyre still trying to diagnose me but my gyno doctor thinks its endo. Just wondering if youd feel comfortable sharing your story and such, 100% understand if you would rather not and i hope this isnt an invasive ask. Im just feeling very isolated and alienated with this pain. Thanks for taking the time to read this and i hope youre doing well!

Hi! This is not intrusive at all, and I'm sorry for not answering this sooner. Life is very weird.

I'm so sorry that you feel isolated but I completely understand why you do. You're in bed, in pain or asleep, so often. No one can see the agony your body is feeling. More than anything I want you to know that you're not overreacting. You're not crazy, you're not weak. I've passed out from pain before. It's no joke. The short version of my story is that like most others, it took years for me to get a diagnosis. And I wasn't hiding anything. Doctors thought my fatigue and pain was being exaggerated by my depression, but in reality I was depressed because I was so sore and tired and couldn't figure out why. Therapy and meds weren't doing anything. One time a nurse practioner told me that even though I tested negative for a UTI and even though I didn't have any of the symptoms, that had to be what my problem was. She gave me antibiotics and sent me home. Another time I was telling my then OBGYN that I was always tired and in so much pain and asked if there was anything else we could do and he smiled and said "Nope!" Mother fucker smiled at me and my pain. It wasn't until I sat for hours in an emergency room (because the hospital near me wouldn't let me admit myself or see a doctor right away) that my dad called me and convinced me to go home, told me he believed me, and that we'd figure it out together. I then went to see a colleague of my OBGYN and right away she knew that something was wrong. She did go on to say she thought I had endo, and we set up surgery. But the way she presented it, endometriosis was a blip, a pain that could be fixed with surgery, and then cured. It wasn't until after and I continued to do my own research that I learned it was a lifetime diagnosis.

Invisible illnesses suck. No one can see just how shitty you feel. And when you feel shitty and tired, you can't see people as much, so you end up spending so much of your time alone in bed with your heating pad and pain meds. Luckily se live in the age of the internet. Find online communities. I personally am in two endometriosis groups on Facebook, one is support, one is all jokes and memes. It's great when you can joke with people experiencing the exact same thing. Also make more plans virtual. I love doing virtual movie nights with friends, and you can screenshare through hyperbeam or discord. Also, treat yo self. Some days when I feel my internal organs being glued together by this dumb disease, I make myself toast with cookie butter and a banana and pour myself a cup of milk, and just that simple meal makes me feel better for a bit.

Always feel free to come ask me about endo and chronic pain. Chronic illness survivors gotta look out for each other 💜 You got this

#asks #pretzel-face

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Is There Other Nonbinary Earth Angels...?

[Note: Don’t Reblog Without Permission.] 

this thought just pop in my head while looking at some transformers earthspark posts on here...

and the question I have is this, are there other Nonbinary Earth Angels.

I know when first discovering my being nonbinary a few years ago, I don’t think I had a full bond to the type I was...

or that I might of still being going through a type of Chrysalis stage, like for a while I know I thought I was Gyno-Agender, and then something like being between binary and nonbinary...

I guess it’s like you find yourself, but not fully so yet, and you end up going from being a caterpillar to a chrysalis to a butterfly...

I don’t know if that would be the right way to explain it, but I guess I might be a “Butterfly” now when it comes to figuring out the type of nonbinary I am.

and I can’t help but wonder if there are other humans who are Earth Angels who are Nonbinary as well, I mean some might be just Nonbinary-Boys/Men, Nonbinary-Girls/Women and some are just the Nonbinary but not Enboy or Enbirl.

maybe if there are other earth angels who are nonbinary as well, maybe it’s like the “winds of change” and maybe a sign to those who have been hating in the way they been and even crossing the line with that hate, that their actions might not end up being liked by Earth Angels who are Nonbinary.

but so far I’m the only Earth Angel (even if I’m a defective type) that is a nonbinary-gal.

and I’m not sure if there are other earth angels who are also descendants of royalty too, like you know besides King Solomon, which I still don’t see much of being a curse and it is more of a blessing, because it means getting to live a normal life and I don’t have to take that throne.

plus because of that and the whole finding out I’m a Earth Angel, the whole “Earth Angel Princess” pop into my head, I think it was a few days ago when it did.

besides wonder if there is other nonbinary earth angels, I wonder if there are other earth angels, doesn’t matter if they are binary or nonbinary, but I wonder if some of them could also be descendants of royalty as well....

if that is so, maybe that would make me not the only “Earth Angel Princess”, which isn’t really a official title, but blame it on my weird self for putting two and two together, I mean first I find out I’m a descendant of royalty, and then I find out I’m like a Earth Angel, and when you finally process it and then put two and two together, that weird thought pops into your head....

and that weird thought being “Earth Angel Princess”.......that is weird. O_O

anyway I’m going to go watch RWBY, and I’m still not sure if there is other Nonbinary Earth Angels or not, or if there are other earth angels who are also descendants of royalty...

I just had to post this, because I’m curious and can’t help but wonder about it.  

anyway thanks for listening, I’m gonna go watch RWBY now like I said...

and in the next post, I think I will post a theory about Undertale or FNAF.

oh speaking of Undertale, has anyone notice that half of Mettaton’s name, means “Pearl”, it’s the “Metta” half of his name....

and here we are with Steven Quartz Universe having “Sans” hidden in his name. I wonder if this means that Mettaton could have some connection to Pink-Pearl, like half of her light end up splitting from her and it being reborn as a ghost who would then become Mettaton. then again, maybe not.

but I did find out that the name “Metta” does have a meaning, and that is “Pearl”....and another info about the name Metta, is that it is diminutive of  Margaretta.

anyway maybe after I watch RWBY, I will watch some other stuff as well.

like maybe Transformers Animated, Transformers Prime and maybe two of the Sonic The Hedgehog Movies....I hope they make a video game counterpart of Agent Stone.

it be cute if that “thinking about boys meme” had Agent Stone, but he is thinking about “Eggmen”, like the one from his universe, and the original video game version Eggman (who is now dad now, and if someone is having a party and he drops a bottle on the ground and yells “scatter!” and it be funny if someone ends up shattering the paradox prism, because they thought he said “shatter” instead.), Doctor Deep, Eggman from Sonic Boom and Morpho.

like all Agent Stone is dreaming about is “Eggmen”....

and it shows His Robotnik from his universe, then the Eggman that became a Dad, then Doctor Deep, The Eggman from Sonic Boom, and then Morpho who is also from Sonic Boom....

I am so weird even if this post wasn’t originally going to be about that.

anyway I’m gonna go watch RWBY now....                                 

#nonbinary #nonbinary girl #nonbinary woman #earth angels #is it a sign? #is anyone else like this #winds of change #very curious #may 2023 #do not reblog without permission #don't reblog

[tiktoksthataregood-ish]

#tiktok #videos #video #tiktoks #meme #cc #lgbt #shaky camera #tw gyno #1k #2k #5k #10k

[cabotfan42]

30 DAY PRIDE CHALLENGE: Day 14 Favorite LGBT Meme

#30 day pride challenge #lgbt memes #lgbt pride #pride 2021 #every time I go to the gyno #always makes me laugh #literally one time I said my form of birth control was lesbianism #shareyourpride

[wutheringheights78]

going to start making memes abt my chronic condition to cope

#personal #dog in wind meme damn the gyno wasn't lying! that ovary can cyst!

[v-for-vaginismus]

Who wants to play vaginismus bingo ???!!!!!

#vaginismus #bingo #vaginismus bingo #vaginismus meme #vulvodynia #pelvic disorder #painful sex #let's talk about sex #gynocologist #shit your gynocologist says #dating with vaginismus #vagina problems #gyno #vagina game #lady issues #menstruation #fuck ppl #I have heard each of these things multiple times #nerves

[rosethornewrites]

This is a lot, but I’ve been ruminating on it since my alt-right brother sent my mom a bunch of transphobic memes. Basically, I’m resigned to the fact that there are certain members of my family I can never come out to as nonbinary because they would scoff and belittle me.

It has me thinking about some of the transphobia I’ve seen over the years, and how hard I work to make my classroom a safe zone.

Back when I was much younger, in my 20s, so early 2000s, I had an online friend, A. We chatted a lot on AIM and sent each other cards and such. A related to me that he had been abused by his gynecologist. Essentially, when A told them he was FTM, the gyno’s response was not to put him on T, but on birth control to try to “fix” him. A spiraled into a terrible depression that made him trust doctors less.

Suddenly A went silent, right after Christmas. Wasn’t getting online, and I couldn’t get through to him over email or the phone. A popped back up a few months later. See, A had gotten his name changed before Christmas and was able to finally get on T. And then A went to visit his family for Christmas. Next thing you know, he’s a prisoner, kidnapped, his T taken from him, his electronics taken from him, his keys taken from him, locked in his childhood home without the means to escape.

He managed to, finally, but it wasn’t because the police helped him or anything. His dad was pals with the cops, see, so they ignored it.

I lost contact with A eventually, simply because we grew to be in different online circles, but the trauma he suffered still horrifies me.

I’ve had the misfortune of seeing a lot of transphobia. I was enjoying dinner with another friend out on the porch of a restaurant, and a man walking by took issue with my friend’s appearance. She’s beautiful, buff, and she could probably bench-press me--and I am not small in the least. So here’s this rando screaming obscenities while we’re at our table, and I’m looking at the sriracha bottle on the table and considering whether it could be a weapon if he turns violent.

The table next to us was populated by several very buff gay men, and they chased him off and the cops were ultimately called. He tried to throw a chair at them but it was chained down. He tried to approach again, going around the block to come from another angle, but the cops were talking to witnesses and another table pointed him out, and the cops, fortunately, escorted him away. The restaurant gave my friend free Thai coffee to make up for it.

But she couldn’t even enjoy a nice dinner outside with a friend on a lovely summer evening without being accosted by a random stranger.

I am out at work, with my pronouns attached to my email signature. That doesn’t mean I’m safe, by any means, as a fellow enbie at work was stalked by a colleague, who insisted they had to be his friend, and he was protected because the stalking was “platonic” rather than sexual. They wound up leaving, but have continued to face transphobia in academia, including being bumped from a high-level position over “concerns” they weren’t feminist enough. This by a colleague who had somehow dug up their deadname and repeatedly used it in conversations and official emails. But then these assholes wanted the curriculums my former colleague had developed for the program they were supposed to head.

Trust me, academia is transphobic af, and unfortunately this transphobia is often aided and abetted by cis women, het or lesbian. Doesn’t matter--if you were afab, they see it as a betrayal toward women because toxic TERF rhetoric is everywhere.

I was denied promotion this year on shaky grounds, for instance. It was pretty clear my material hadn’t been read, and the decision had been made before looking at it. Was it because I’m nonbinary? Or is it just some petty grudge by one of the committee members? I’ll never know, but I’ve learned going above and beyond isn’t valued, so “no” is a complete sentence and part of my vocabulary now.

This is why I work so hard to make my classroom a safe place, because academia isn’t safe--not for trans people, not for women, not for people of color. It’s white men protecting white men, mostly. They’ll claim to value diversity, but there’s what they say and there’s what they do. Actions speak louder than words, and then they hand-wring over why BIPOC, women, and queer students have a high rate of attrition. 

Universities bleed talent all the time, with many folks giving up and leaving academia entirely.

My mom knows I’m enbie and is learning more about the trans community. But I can never tell my brothers. I can never tell most of my relatives. If my grandma was still alive, I could tell her, and she’d be fine with it and would bully tf out of all of them if they took issue--after all, when I told her I “thought” I was gay, she basically said I should have sex with both men and women and decide which I liked better. My dad would be fine with it, if he was still alive, and my brothers would get shit from him if they pulled anything.

But aside from my mom, all the true allies in my family (regardless of how “liberal” they think they are) are dead. Which I guess is why I’m largely NC with most of them.

So basically this isn’t positive thoughts on Christmas Day, but Christmas Day is for family, and mine is mostly not blood family anymore.

#haters #lgbtq

[bestnoncannonship]

I'm drowning in the gender sandbox guys.

I am agender. At least....I think I am. It's the closest to what I'm feeling. In that I really do not have an attachment to any gender and cannot conceive how people identify with a gender. Like....they just FEEL a gender? All the time? No matter what they look like and what they're wearing they FEEL a gender?? Whaaaa??? Sounds hella fake but okay.

And now I'm gonna talk about that and my experience for a while, in a series of ways that's probably gonna get the gender and sexuality neo-puritans to come yell at me for not being ritually pure enough in the way I talk but.....I'm talking from my own brain, baby. This is the toolkit I'm packing right now and the world I live in and I just need to spit it out. Maybe see if it resonates with people who know more than me. I don't know. Help.

I didn't question being a woman for the longest time. I grew up in a rural area culturally dominated by "Christians" (Not Catholics. I was Catholic. That comes with a whole different set of religious traumas pre-installed. I mean the ScAaRy protestent and nondenom Christians.) You didn't question anything. Not an adults orders. Not authority. Certainly not straightness. Gender was biological. I'd never heard of a trans person. There were rumors of Gays™. For most of my life it was just "Gender is the meat suit you got stuck with, right? I got stuck with this meat suit so it's my gender, I guess." And when I finally left the middle-o-nowhere for Le Citè and I met some (mostly bianary) trans people I was like "OH! OKAY!! Having strong feelings about being in the wrong meat suit can make a gender!" And the non bianaries that I met were still playing on that bianary scale. The "bit of boths" and the "different genders for different days" varieties. They has strange attachments to genders. And the whole retoric of "Questioning your gender and feeling things about you gender is the indicator that you might be trans!!" Just furthered my feeling that I must just be female by default cause like.....I didn't question anything. I didn't think about gender. I had a COMPLETE lack of feelings about gender whatsoever and that was normal, right?? Just meat suit gender. I certainly didn't have a strong feeling about wanting to be the opposite: *gag* a man?? A straight white man? Nope! I have no desire to be a bianary man and frankly I find 99 percent of men and male culture traumatic. So I must just be meat-suit gender.

And yes, I wanted to scrape my breasts and hips and thighs off with a cheese grater. But I wrote that off as a symptom of having started putting a finger down my throat after meals when I was 6 and having a family that forced hour upon hour exercise with their thighs and tummies wrapped in saran wrap and sang "I don't love her! She's too fat for me!" to a literal toddler and put that same toddler in oversized clothes to hide the healthy baby squish that toddlers HAVE. OF COURSE I wanted to die when my breasts grew in and my hips and thighs filled out. They were evil fat deposits. And they meant nothing but unwanted attention from yucky men. (Lesbianism to be discovered some 15 years later. My comphets we're almost as bad as my compgenders.) It had nothing to do with gender. Gender is just the meat suit ....and I already hated the meat suit by the time I had breast buds, they just enhanced a disgust that I thought was normal by then. Everyone kind of hates their meat suit, right?? Yes I wanted to look like men sometimes.....but they were skinny heroin chic men. I also wanted to look like kate moss. I wanted to look like a sideways door but my family is Italian and we have hips and thighs. It's just the meat suit I was assigned. Just have to learn to deal with it and dress it in the way that it looks most socially acceptable and get on with life. And my meat suit had a very gendered look, even in the deepest throws of my illness. "All woman." "The curves of a real woman." So that was just the hand I was dealt. Like having a hard to match foundation undertone. You don't gotta like it, it's just reality. Yes, I wanted to wear nothing but waistcoats and gay vampire clothes but they weren't cut for my body type so *shrug*.

Did I start to have way too much fun cosplaying and embodying male characters? Yes. But that was just identifying with characters. I'd always identified with characters. Did I still distinctly identify with the character's gender, even when I femmed the costume to avoid the hellish pain of binding? Yes. Did it make me feel weird when people referred to my Thor as a woman, even though it was technically a femme? Yes. But that was just feminism. Heroes don't need to be called girl heroes. No gender issues here!! Besides it's not weird in fandom circles to stongly identify with people across gender lines. The fact that I found the gendernope option if there was one available in the fandom and *attached* was surely just coincidental. Right??

Did I absolutely loose my mcfreaking mind when the gyno started talking about having to take my uterus away because the amount of blood it was loosing was doing irreparable harm to my body? Yes. My gender is my meat suit. When you take it away....what am I???? A *gag* man??? Nothing at all?? Am I still even human?? If I am not *gag* male and you take away the female part of the meat suit am I an aphid? A plant? A chair? But I was comforted by a chorus of voices saying "No!! You're a WOMAN. Infertility doesn't make you not a woman! You still have a woman's body!! Because you're a woman!!! Just look at you in your skirts and with your long hair!! You're a woman!!!" So.....still a woman, I guess. Because I still LOOKED like one. Gender = the PRESENTATION of the meat suit. That made sense. The structure of my meat suit made me limited to woman-presentation. So I was woman.

Then, it was the stupidest thing, I was talking to the other half of my life on the 4/5 train on the way to a friend's house about HER issues with gender presentation and the amount of attention to detail it takes to be socially acceptable as female and she said "You just know you're a girl. Like if they just picked you up and put you in a robot body you'd be a girl?" And I was like "......no? I'd be a robot?????" "But you'd still feel like a girl???" "No.....I'd feel like a ROBOT." "BUT you'd still like hear she/her and identify with those???" "No. I'd probably identify more with It/it's because that's what I'd be. A ROBOT!" And she's like "But what if your brain got transplanted into a boy body???" "Then I'd be a boy." "But what would you feel like?" "A BOY?" "Okay but what if you had a very neutral body with like no genitals? What would you feel like then??" "I mean....then it would depend on how I'm dressed. I'd feel like what I was dressed like." And we went around like this till she surmised that my entire relationship to gender was basically "You are what you look like." Which is apparently NOT how people relate to their own gender. They "feel" it somehow?? (I genuinely thought "FEELING" like a gender was what made trans people.) I feel nothing. I identify with a lot of things and ZERO of them are a gender. I thought that was normal. I thought that was the default. Apparently it's not. And then if you ask me what I want to be.....I can't answer. I really don't want to be a gender. I guess I want to be able to put different genders on at my will, like outfits, for societal convenience. But I don't "identify" with any of them. Hell, I have sweaters I identify with more than any particular gender. But there aren't really systems in place for describing and portraying that.

Gender.exe was not installed.

I did a lot of research. Agender felt closest. I actually felt closest to a Good Omens meme about Aziraphale describing his gender as "No, thank you!" That's what I feel like. But all the agender folks were vibing that moment. So I joined 'em. I am aware that puts me under the trans umbrella, but I don't really identify with that word. I don't feel like there's any transition. Any changing. Can't change what was never there. Also I feel like it's for people who....CAN present as their gender. I would be seen as an invader in those spaces. Its not bad enough to justify being in those spaces. I can live with being gendered. I just don't have one.

In the society we live in one cannot present as "not a gender". Someone with MY body definitely cannot present as "not a gender". The clothes that they make in size "giant human with planet tits" are agressively gendered. And even in a binder.....they're still REALLY there. (Yes, a reduction is desirable but I don't have reduction money.....and you can't reduce the fact that I'm the bowl shaped robust extreme female hipbone they use in Forensic Anthropology textbooks.) It is what it is. My body will always be perceived the way it's perceived. And frankly a lot of what we perceive as genderless is just "skinny body in masc style with short hair and makeup". That's not really want I want. I don't want to cut off my hair. It's my one really good feature and I've worked hard to grow out these Valkyrie worthy lengths. Mens clothes are so limiting. And there are no gender: no thank you clothes. (One well meaning friend kept trying to send me "genderless" clothes......but it was all rail thin afabs in mens clothes with short hair and heavy makeup. That's not looking genderless. That's just being skinny.) Gender no thank you presentation is very tied to short hair and thin bodies. So I've accepted that I don't get to play in the gender sandbox outside of the privacy of my own mind. It's a societal flaw. But whatever.

But pronouns are starting to really bother me. Everyone is so into them and identifying with them. And like.....I don't get it. I don't get the joy. I don't think I've found the one. Like.....I'm used to she. I will always be read as she. I will always be Miss and Ma'am in stores and restraunts. So I just kind of roll with it. I don't hate it. I don't like it. It's just a thing that I have to have to exist in society. Like a social security number. I actually think I identify with my social security number more. There's no point in making myself uncomfortable with something that's just going to be a part of my life. And I don't want to be the kind of person who expects people to address me by a pronoun they can't see and aren't used to. It's too much to ask of the average citizen of a gendered society to go through that much gender theory for just me. So "she" is an inevitable part of my life. And He....well ......I don't hate it. I dont like it. It's just there. I certainly don't get called it. And I'm not capable of presenting it well enough for this to be relevant. Now they......fuck I HATE they. I hate that it's the acceptable pronoun for anyone not bianary male or female. It just rubs me the wrong way. When people refer to me as they, I feel like they're referring to me and the host of mental illnesses I carry around and you don't have permission to address those troops thank you very much. They causes a genuine squick. But it's kinda the only widely acceptable option. I kinda like "it". I VIBE with it. It feels good. Unfortunately the people in my life have a certain reluctance about calling me it as they believe that happy vibe around a traditionally dehumanizing pronoun may be a trauma symptom. They might be right so I'm tabling "it" till I find a good therapist. Also...I cannot ask strangers to call me it. I don't have the confidence it takes to explain why and I frankly don't want to be faced with the criticism and questions I would face because I am unable to make my body be perceived as Nonbinary. I don't have the confidence or conviction to face that every day forever. Ditto neopronouns. I also haven't found one that I vibe with at all yet.

And queer labels get harder when you pull away from gender entirely. Like ... I am a Lesbian. I am solely attracted to women. But now I'm getting a lot of "You can't be a lesbian if you don't have a gender!!!" And like ...can I??? I like being a lesbian. It feels right. It conveys what I want it to convey. I like the exclusion of men entirely, after being taught to structure my life around men. I have a kinship with womanhood. It's where I was raised. It's how people see me. I just don't identify with it. It's not how I see myself. I guess that can kind of exclude me from the label? All of our terms are defined by being attracted to "your own gender" or "the opposite gender" or "both your own gender and other genders" and like ... I don't have a gender. And the opposite of nothing is....?? Fuck if I know? So what term am I allowed to use? I love queer for exactly this reason. But it just doesn't have the same clarity that lesbian does.

So I'm just kind of in a hole rn. Grappling with the fact that I really don't have a gender in a gendered world, and dealing with the fact that so much of our understanding and acceptance of gender is about presentation, a door closed to my body. I don't have the confidence or the spoons or the knowledge or the experience to fight this fight. The path of least resistance is sticking my head back into the sand and going with straightforward womanhood....but now it feels like I'm lying. I feel like an intruder in woman's spaces. And I can't go in men's spaces, they see me as....well...a woman. Lesser.

Someone out there who's better at the genders please help.

#agender #gender crisis #gender identity #gender problems #pronouns #nonbinary #enby #nb #non bianry #agender lesbian #nonbinary lesbian

[habibialkaysani]

quick tag meme to procrastinate doing productive stuff™

I was tagged by @funnefatale :)

3 ships: to nobody’s surprise they are immortal husbands (joe/nicky from the old guard), lauryssa (laurel/nyssa from arrow) and westallen (barry/iris from the flash) 

last song: cruel world by active child

last movie: the old guard lmao (but am hoping to start regular movie nights so hopefully this will change more often!)

currently reading: ooh I’m actually in between books but I want to read the masnavi, rumi’s collection of poetry. I am just searching for a better translation than the one I already bought on kindle (grrr). I just finished the wonder down under by nina brochmann which I read for mostly educational purposes after my whole gyno nightmare.

currently watching: the x files! I love it so far. I’m on s3 and am so glad there’s a lot more I need to get through. also, scully is a redhead and therefore my type™. :D can’t wait to catch up and then spam my followers with x files stuff lol.

currently consuming: just demolished some parathas for a v late breakfast, oops

tagging: @sophiainspace @joharvell @nyssalance @moonlightandromache @benhargrieves @karadnvres @karasunovolleygays

#no obligation as always #me.txt #tag meme

[vertigoambrosia]

i think i already mentioned i’d fallen into weird sections of youtube, but idk if i actually bothered to talk about who i’m watching

and i need to focus on things other than the country disintegrating so here’s what i’m watching (and why maybe you should watch them too)

General channels

Mochamilk: Pomeranian and Samoyed dogs who are kinda friends. If you like puffballs being cute and a lil ornery, watch them! Also the owners had a baby last fall and she’s old enough to interact with them now!

Recs: like any video? it’s doges

SciShow: videos of various lengths on a plethora of different science topics; they’ve got COVID info updages as well as everythign from “Good News: Daffodils Are The Worst“ to “Beyond Identical or Fraternal: 6 Rare Types of Twins” and even “Why Do We Have Butt Hair?”

They also have an offshoot, SciShow Psych, which is also very good

Expert people

Mama Doctor Jones: Absolutely awesome OBGYN that does videos on womens health and reaction videos to both birth scenes in media and everyone’s favorite weird watch, I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. She’s really knowledgeable and empathetic and i love her and you should follow her

Recs: Ob/Gyn reacts to Womb Simulator, What Your Gyno Needs to Know About Tying Tubes, ObGyn Reacts: Disney Menstruation Education

and of course all of the I didnt know I was pregnant ones

Legal Eagle: Lawyer who currently is doing a lot of real life commentary, but also meme reactions and of course, analysis of film and movie law. He’s also started doing videos about

Recs: Laws Broken: Jurassic Park, Real Lawyer Reacts to Star Trek TNG Measure of a Man, Real Lawyer Reacts to Bee Movie

Corridor Crew‘s VFX Artists React to Bad and Great CGI and Stuntmen React to Bad and Great Hollywood Stunts series. There’s a lot more on their channel about thier VFX and stunt side projects and making of the videos on their main channel, but tbh all I watch are the reacts videos - there’s a whole lot of interesting stuff in there about what makes effects good, both computer generated and practical

Quirky knowledge

TierZoo: Ecology and zoology presented as a series of guides and strategy analyses of a video game called Outside. A little hard to explain, but it’s a super inventive concept

Recs: When Earth Was in Beta, Abusing the Game’s Physics Engine, How Humans Broke the Game, Are Hippos OP?

honestly i have a really hard time limiting myself but those four are a good introduction

Vsauce: ok he’s actually pretty famous and i am very late to the game. He is a strange man who asks weird questions and then answers them, or explains a weird phemonenon you hadn’t heard of before you clicked on the video. This is a bad summary but idk man

Recs: Where Do Deleted Files Go?, A Defense of Comic Sans,

He’s also got a Youtube Premium show about psychology & neurology that fortunately is now free to watch on his channel

u ok, chemists?

NileRed: Organic chemist who looks like he’s 16 doing extractions (getting the active chemical from food or medicine), synthesis of interesting/weird/dangerous chemicals, and demonstrations of chemistry phenomenma with chill explanations of  the process and the occasional batshit insane comment presented without warning. Full disclosure: His videos are pretty long and he gets pretty technical, but he does some cool stuff and I can tell you I don’t understand a lot of the chemistry so being a chemist isn’t required to watch them

Recs:  Making toilet paper moonshine, You can’t smell metal, Making Soap, Extracting Lidocaine from Anal Lubricant, The Fascinating History of Diabetes Testing

He also has a side channel, Nile Blue, which has videos on safety, being a chemist, cleanup processes, and a bit of just fucking around

Recs: Alkaline water cures everything, How does water put out fire?, I had to break all my beakers

Explosions and Fire: Australian chemist trying to make things that catch fire and go boom, presented in a pseudo shitpost style

also he and his friends ate all the alkali metal salts

He also has  Extractions&Ire, which focuses more closely on the actual process and synthesis of the compounds he uses on the main channel. He also recently started a series with chemists in the field about what’s going on in professional chemistry. I actually haven’t watched much of this yet, but I should.

[mythicaldemigoddess-of-deltarune]

Crossover Yandere Delta Warriors And Kris’s Three Souls

-----------------------------

Credit for Steven Universe Series goes to Rebecca Sugar

Credit for Deltarune & Undertale goes to Toby Fox

Credit for Hazbin Hotel & Helluva Boss goes to Vivienne “Vivziepop” Medrano & Spindlehorse

Credit for Yandere Simulator goes to YandereDev

------------------------

I do plan to post this drawing at the other place I post fan art at.

also the reason why Ayano has different color eyes,

has to do with the Genocide Route, Neutral Route and True Pacifist Route of Yandere Simulator.

like depending how we play, if we go full Geno-Route

our eyes, well Ayano’s eyes....become Red.

but if we befriend a rival and help other students, and not kill anyone in yandere simulator.....

Ayano’s eyes will become blue.

why Sans is wearing Steven Universe’s clothes and Pink Steven being right next to him should be obvious.

it has to do with Sans and Steven being one in the same.

and when the Human Half of Steven died, he was reborn as Sans

but the gem half that makes “Pink-Steven” reforms but Human-Steven is not close by and most likely left to maybe to go live with his new family, his new Dad that speaks in hands and his new little brother Papyrus.

the dark purple soul belongs to Knight, the light turquoise blue soul belongs to Kris, and the Red Soul belongs to the Player.

I believe that before the Player’s Red Soul ends up in Deltarune (in Chapter 1), the Knight who is the Dark Purple Soul had made Kris’s life miserable by pulling dark pranks on others, even if Kris could pull some pranks....they would not willingly cross the line, that would be the Knight’s doing.

yeah I have a theory that the Knight had done dark pranks by making Kris do them and making everyone believe it was Kris, while technically it was but at the same time it was against Kris’s will.

think about it, we never did any of those dark pranks that those in Deltarune mention.

so it makes sense that it is the work of the Knight, who’s soul has been controlling Kris before we got there.

and the only time Knight does take control,

is when they are about to do something sneaky and they rip our soul from Kris’s body and the reason why Kris doesn’t fight back is because the Knight is much stronger than them.

it is possible that the only time we are stronger than the Knight, is during the day time in the Lightner’s World and when we are in the Dark World.

but once Nighttime happens, the Knight has the power to control Kris and pull us the Players.

so if this is true, this means that Kris has two souls in them trying to fight for control.....one being the villain known as the “Knight”

and the other being us the Player, the Red Soul.

I see that as fan headcanon.

in theory if the Crystal Gems and Connie, didn’t know that Steven died and became Sans.....

like it happen some time after the end of Steven Universe Future.

Sans might have Alphys help with that, by cloning a homunculus steven body, that the Pink-Steven will be put in and make it so that no one knows Steven had died and became a Magical Talking Skeleton.

well that could be one way to keep the Crystal Gems, Connie, Greg and everyone else from Beach City from finding out what happen to Steven....if he had died off-screen and was brought back to life by Gaster as Sans.

I would like to see a crossover fan art with the meme

Gaster: *hugging Sans* stay away from my Son. 

Greg Universe: but he’s my Son!!

Gaster:.........Stay Away From YOUR Ex-Son......who is now MY Son.

even if we love Steven Universe

(and some of us do love Steven Universe Future)

at least we now know now that the Steven Universe Future,

was NOT the start of Steven’s problems......it was just the boiling point.         

Greg was not a great dad, something we should of seen from the start of the first Season but couldn’t.

I plan to re-watch the first series of Steven Universe, to really watch it

and notice the stuff that we never truly notice before....

like even if the Crystal Gems did make some mistakes with how they treated Steven most of the time during his childhood.

and Amethyst did start to become a better big sister to Steven,

like with the whole finding out his Mom is Pink Diamond.

even if not a lot of fans liked Steven Universe Future, because of different reasons....

but we have to acknowledge the problem Steven was having didn’t start in the Steven Universe Future.....it started in the first series.

even if Steven had his good days, he did end up with trauma and he didn’t see a doctor until Steven Universe Future....

which you can thank his “Ex-Dad Greg” for that.

most families have excuses for not being able to go to a doctor.

after becoming rich, Greg could of hired Steven a tutor

and send him to school.....though I don’t think you have to be rich to do that.....at least I don’t think so.

but we can’t place the blame on Steven, even if his Human and Gem Family loves him dearly....

it doesn’t help that Greg and Connie form a “Human Beings Club”

kind of excluding Steven and making him feel a type of negative emotion.

I believe what Steven was feeling when he also says “human beings.”

was a type of negative feeling, but like still wanting to be included in the human bonding that his Dad and Best Friend (Future Girlfriend) were having.

Greg was a bit disappointing in the episode where he took Steven to where his parents lived.....

just when Steven was becoming more better and even enjoyed finding out about his Dad’s past.....Greg only made things worse again,

when he couldn’t understand why his own son was upset with him.

 there might of been more to the story of Greg’s Parents than what Greg told so far.....it is possible that one of Greg’s parents had very sensitive hearing and couldn’t handle really loud music.

and Greg could of broke that rule many times and that is why his parents don’t allow any music in the house.

even if that episode tried to play that Greg was a victim, it might not be 100% true.....

yes Pink’s punishments were unjust at times, but we have to remember how bad she was before she given Earth.

so most of her punishments were just, meaning she deserved them.

while other times she didn’t deserve them at all.

the problem might be that both Greg’s Parents

and Blue & Yellow Diamond, would punish Greg and Pink even at times when they didn’t deserve it.....

but it could be that before they did start punishing them,

they let them get away with so much and one point both of them crossed a line that it became too much for Greg’s Parents and even Yellow & Blue, and they had no choice but to ground them

to Greg’s Room and Pink’s Tower.

once again the problem with Steven

didn’t start in Steven Universe Future,

it started at the very beginning in Steven Universe.

the the boiling point maybe started in the Steven Universe Movie,

then the breaking point started in the Steven Universe Future.

not all fans of Steven Universe, have to like Steven Universe Future.

I happen to love Steven Universe, Steven Universe Future and the Movie.

but we have to try to come to terms that the problems Steven was having, didn’t start in Steven Universe Future.

it started in Steven Universe, and even if not a lot of fans will accept that.....well it is their choice, and they should accept it by their own free will to.

I do plan to re-watch the first series to see if Steven had more than one bad experience which would of been one of the first problems he had before his breaking point in Steven Universe Future.

I know at first I thought of the Steven Universe Future

as the time he had his boiling point, but in correction it would be his breaking point that would get worse over time.

the boiling point would be the first stage, which would start in Steven Universe Future.....when more of his mother’s past misdeeds would come to light.

 the breaking point would slowly consume and get stronger for Steven, to the point where he would end up becoming Monster-Steven.

Steven becomes a gem monster because of all the negative emotions,

he only gets better once everyone realize what they didn’t do for him.

being there for him when he needs it.

at times we could pretend that everything is fine for others,

like acting like we are only a little sad but doing pretty okay now.

but that might not be for the best....even if we might think it is.

          Sans might be a future version of Steven,

who had gotten better and learned from his past, but could still hold on to some form of bitter memories.

like what if the one calling Connie, when Steven proposed to her...

wasn’t Connie’s Mom but was a Boy that Connie was Dating.

and she still liked Steven, but couldn’t bring herself to tell Steven.

well hopefully that isn’t true and that was just Connie’s Mom.

we know that a lot of fans were worried for their ship.

well the Sadie and Lars Ship had became the Friend Zone Ship.

meaning it went from “I Ship It” to “I Bud It”

Shep seems nice though, when I did first see them on the opening I didn’t know if they were a boy or a girl.....

but it turns out they are nonbinary, so it’s nice that the episode where they officially appeared on (as well as their bio.) had confirmed Shep’s identity.

I think I still need to figure out the whole Gyno-Agender

or Feminine-Nonbinary thing.....

I wonder how many fans of both Yandere Simulator and Undertale/Deltarune.....

would think that Fun-Girl from Yandere Simulator,

reminds them of Gaster....?

well Fun-Girl does remind me of Gaster, it be nice if both games did canon crossovers.

well there is that Yanderetale,

but maybe that is only Semi-Canon.....maybe?

there is another crossover drawing I did, that has to do with Undertale/Deltarune and even another game....

but I will wait until tomorrow to post it.

hope some of you like this drawing.

I wonder if it be weird to Crossover ship Sans x Collin....?  

I will think about it, but it might leave me a little sheepish. lol       

#yandere simulator #pink steven #sans the skeleton #collin helluva boss #charlie magne hazbin hotel #ayano aishi #berdly #noelle holiday #susie deltarune #kris deltarune