#have been dealing w mental health issues lol

[reallybadblackoutpoems]

the chemistry and technology of edible oils and fats and their high fat products (1989) - g. hoffmann

"mole interest"

#mole interest #sorry #havent been active #i swear to god i will post submissions soon #but literally everything happens so much #have been dealing w mental health issues lol #not to overshare #but ill be back #like terminator or something #i havent seen the movie #blackout poetry #blackout poem #author #book #poetry

[unproduciblesmackdown]

speaking of “what else is new” the eternal genre of Takes available online or off through any platform that go like “this hangup / issue people can have can impede the success of like, connection & relationships & other aspects of someone’s life” like oh groundbreaking insight, go on. & then the conclusion is just “And That’s Bad” generally through like, criticizing any hypothetical individuals in a “have you considered that that’s bad? have you considered stopping? why haven’t you? sounds like a lack of Individual Responsibility...and maybe...You Suck??” vein like oh, again, groundbreaking. and it’s fast easy & free [sense of righteousness] i guess b/c it’s like oh i’m just helping, are you saying it’s Good / Better to have to struggle with / be impeded by xyz issues hmm? and like “here i am up on the cross >:)” satisfaction if anyone’s disagreeing lol like not only am i correct but ppl Hate it so it’s gotta be cutting edge, rather than it’s like, this is the most basic, well-trodden ground possible here. people hear about the notion of Ableism, resent the idea this might be a complicated thing to engage with requiring effort (but will also complain that idk it’s not serious b/c oh alllll people want to do is unreasonably issue a list of frowned upon language. like yes that’s all that exists and it must be frivolous vs being if nothing else an exercise in asking someone to shift their perspective / framework around taken for granted ideas) and then be like “well enough is enough (hasn’t done anything) i think this has gone too far & have we considered that it sucks to be depressed?? what about the people Dealing with other people dealing with issues who are doing everything right by being Not Mentally Ill but burdened or punished by the mental illness of others. not Their responsibility” like yes if we keep this in the realm of Individual Responsibility Apolitical Vibing then we can just call it a day. what does anyone expect the “absolutely demolishing these hypothetical Complacent mentally ill people, one issue at a time until everyone learns they should strive to be normal” to accomplish here. like oh enough, nay, Too Much consideration of Supporting anyone out here. i think it’s time we turned to voicing Disapproval & even moral judgment condemnation of these hypothetical individuals. can’t argue with that unless, what, you Want people to have problems? you think it’s good and right to potentially harm other people / make interpersonal relationships more difficult??? sounds like someone has some growing up to do 9_9 lmfao like again. just visionary & groundbreaking insights which is why this approach has kept being continuously reinvented here & everywhere else this whole time. like how would this relevantly / helpfully apply to the Reality of anyone’s situation on any side of anything. vs like well at least some people will be mad about This one, good posting

#ppl going ''hmm what a hugely complex topic tied to all other aspects of our lives...which'd be Resolved if everyone had My Common Sense'' #take it back on this site by a decade like ppl going ''trans people on tumblr are so unreasonable'' & ''tumblr's so Anti Recovery'' #the catchphrase of like. idfk ''recovering'' to a state of being nt i guess. b/c that's The Way & how it works for absolutely everyone #like of course there's gonna be idk Takes abt how to hypothetically Support ppl's struggles that'd be deemed Mental Health Issues which are #in turn at least Potentially counterproductive / unfounded/misguided but like. well throw the whole matter out then right #forget everyone in turn having to struggle through ongoing efforts to support Other People in this realm & plenty of others; theoretically #just say it Sucks of people to make other people deal with / be negatively affected by their Issues & who could disagree? toxicity gang?? #or even just the vague implication that if it's Extra Effort put on Normal People who are acting correctly then that's bad too #cue any ideas that like. if friends are too much effort in [pick any way you could interpret that] it's Bad #or really if they're Any effort it can be seen as bad. you Are a romcom protagonist & friends Are unconditional nonstop backup #i think if going ''have you considered that you suck'' at people hard enough would bestow w/e concept of perf Mental Health uponst them #then we'd've been all set by now...and does everyone really think that the like. call it mainstream ideas abt Good Relationships and/or #Good Communication are universal & objective & immutable & everyone agrees on those standards already right now #and like. A Post doesn't have to be something someone thinks applies to everyone / isn't abt their personal experiences but #the way plenty of shit is phrased in posts Pwning the concept of someone being Too Anxious or sm shit you Know it's meant to be general lol #and even then of course it doesn't have to be like ''any random post must be dedicated to real; specific support or it's worthless'' #but people clearly also like. are like yep this is on principle; ideally this will Affect people & they'll Get Right #(i mean probably it's more just about their own satisfaction in feeling totally justified while Also getting inevitable negative reaction) #but also like you know what. someone's Issues may not be contained within the realm of what either You *or* They can control #that like all issues of what provides ppl material support / meets their material needs are matters of Mental Health Support or what have u #like pointing out that shit like healthcare & housing & accessibility are matters of suicide prevention... #like yeah of course individual responsibility is relevant in everything but there's broader concepts of Responsibility beyond that #only addressing the individual responsibility in any matter is the flattest easiest shit you can do. why else is it so popular lol #and going ''but have we tried ascribing personal failures / inferiority into ppl struggling w/issues????'' yes. we have & continue to do so #like 95% of my life including now i am beset every day w/someone who absolute Won't take personal responsibility ever & yea it sucks #but i'm not like. making that ''wow this sucks a ton'' experience my like Worldview lmfao this isn't now my Personal Policy abt shit #going ''have we considered that anything but deliberately punishing Mental Illness just Enables/Encourages their destructive vibes??'' yes. #''well if everyone just accepted their Personal Responsibility in all ways this & any other matter would be completely resolved forever??'' #then by that framework if anyone goes ''well that's not quite it'' you can go ''sounds like someone isn't accepting their Responsibility'' #checkmate Individuals...

[beastofwant]

thats me ^ + my pet sword

I'm morgan and I'm an it/its transfag w/ chronic physical & mental health issues! I only make $200/month from my state's disability bux & am in the process of applying for SSI but it sucks and takes forever in our ableist system.

I barely scrape by after rent + bills, and I'm abt to receive another bill because my phone plan renews at the end of the month, meaning I would effectively have $30 after all of my necessary living expenses to cover food that food stamps won't, hygienic supplies, and anything else I need for myself/my apartment

in addition to all of that I've been dealing w/ the fun process of taking my landlord to court over a roach infestation! currently it looks like I'm going to be able to leave this place and live somewhere without an infestation. all I want is to be somewhere safe + stable lol

kofi

venmo is alumirust

paypal is [email protected]

#mutual aid #donations #help #disability #decided to remake this again bc after u reach around a hundred or so notes it loses traction. #and I uh #Cannot live like this

[itgetsdark-x]

Hi💗 Love all your works sm😭.You are so freaking talented 😍😍🥲💘

I would like to read a therapeutic smut with our curly bf Javi 🤭 ( requester is trying to have no shame lol) .

Ok, javi gutierrez/his gf reader where reader is anxious about her upcoming project. They have a small talk about her anxiety. Javi is trying his best to support her. Then reader admits that she craves for being comforted sometimes. ( daddy issues caused the lack of confidence👀) . So mention of daddy issues, then it all somehow turns into: thigh riding, praise kink,dirty talk, daddy kink and forehead kisses 🥺, oral (f/m receiving or both 💀), p in v 😗.

The whole vibe is supporting gf turns into hot dom/sub 🫂=>🥵

It's just a request and I do it for the first time. So I hope I didn't get carried away too much🥴. Anyway, waiting for your reply.

Have a nice day💕x

P. S. If u like the idea u could name it "Skinny-dip inside your mind" ( the quote from Lana's new album). If u would like to ofc ✨💗🤗 ok bye x

A/N: okay, this request really spoke to my all my mommy/ daddy issues and I couldn’t resist. I love how detailed you made it and I just hope it lives up to your expectations lol. thank you so much for taking the time to send in a request and for the kind words! I’m sorry it took a lil while!

Summary: Javi had always been the most perfect boyfriend; he was attentive, loving and nothing ever seemed like it was too much for you. He knew you were struggling mentally recently and knew exactly what you needed to feel better.

Characters: Javi Gutierrez x f!reader

Warnings: 18+, minors dni!, mentions of parental death, daddy issues, mentions of anxiety / mental health issues, daddy kink, praise kink, unprotected p in v, oral (f receiving), mutual masturbation. (Probs other stuff, it’s mainly just smut lol, you have been warned)

Word Count: 4.3k

You slammed the lid of your laptop down and collapsed your aching head into your crossed arms. You slowly allowed yourself to cry and within minutes, you were sobbing into your arms, you were so wrapped up in your own feelings that you hadn’t heard Javi, your boyfriend, come home. 

“Mi amor,” he frowned, rushing to sit beside you at the kitchen table. He quickly wrapped a strong arm around you and stroked through your hair affectionately. “What’s happened? Who has made you feel this way?” He asked, his voice concerned. 

“J-Javi” you sobbed, lifting your head to peer at your boyfriend with red, streaming eyes. “W-work. It’s just, this stupid project and article I need to write. If I don’t have it ready and completed by the end of the week, it’s going to be a disaster. I have to get the shoot finalised and I just know it’s going to go all wrong because I’m useless.” You sobbed, your voice coming out as wrecked cries. 

Javi frowned at you, as his fingers stroked through your hair still, just trying to offer a small glimmer of comfort to you as you cried. Your body shook as you sat there, you took a moment to try and focus on your breathing but you could already feel your chest tightening and your breaths got more shallow and speedy. 

“Baby,” He whispered. “Come on, look at me. Look at me, that’s it.” He cooed softly as you looked at him, your eyes were still streaming with tears but the panic was evident in them now as you struggled to suck in a breath. “Breathe for me, hermosa. That’s it, take a deep breath. Do it with me.” He instructed and placed a soft hand to your heaving chest as he helped you take in a deep breath. 

You shut your eyes and listened to your boyfriend’s voice, you did as he instructed and soon, your breathing returned to normal and you calmed down a little. You rarely let Javi see you like this, if you were going to have a panic attack or cry, you would excuse yourself and deal with it alone as you didn’t feel he deserved to have to see you like this. Still, there were some occasions where you couldn’t stop it. 

“I’m sorry…” you mumbled, grabbing your laptop and opening it once again to deflect from having to look at a concerned Javi. 

His fingers gently pried the laptop from your grasp and he quickly closed it down, sliding it away from you. You tried to take it back but Javi shook his head no and stroked your cheek gently. 

“No, I’m sorry, mi amor. You’re done working for the day, it’ll still be there tomorrow and I can help plan some things for the shoot for you. I have my contacts and you should take advantage of that.”

You shook your head no, and immediately you felt the panic rising in your throat like a poisonous acid; you needed to work, you needed to get it all right and the fact that you weren’t in control had you spiralling again. 

“Speak to me, my love. Please. Just… I’ve not seen you like this for a while. Speak to me.” He whispered. 

“Javi…” you sighed. “This project at work is major, it’s my first time being in charge of a whole shoot and feature. I need to nail it, and, and I just feel like I’m not doing that. I feel like it’s going all wrong and suddenly, I’m twelve again and my dad is yelling at me for doing everything wrong.” You rambled, your voice raising at the end.

You had stood from the kitchen table and you were now pacing the length of it, your arms were wrapped around your waist, trying to comfort yourself as you spoke. You shared everything with Javi; your hopes, your dreams, what you want exactly from life but for some reason, you hadn’t ever spoken about your dad. It was a tough subject for you to bring up and you dreaded it every having to be spoken about. 

“Your father?” Javi asked, he turned in his seat and watched you pace the room; he knew better than to stop you. “You never speak about your father…” he mumbled. 

“Yeah,” you laughed bitterly. “There’s a reason for that.” You shrugged, not giving your boyfriend much to work on. 

Javi didn’t move, he watched you and waited silently; he knew how your brain worked and if he kept quiet he knew you would soon spill the beans, more so than if he questioned you at every corner. 

“As you know, my mom passed away when I was around four years old, well, it broke my dad, of course it did. And well, because of that he was pretty absent whilst I was growing up… Absent besides the times he would yell at me, he blamed me for mom’s death and said that it should have been me that died, not her. He said that if I wasn’t born then mom wouldn’t have turned to drugs as a comfort.” You recalled painfully as tears slowly trickled down your face. 

“Cariño, we both know that isn’t true. Your dad just needed someone to blame, I’m sorry.” Javi sighed sadly, he wished he could take every ounce of pain from you so you never had to feel it. He was stood in front of you now and he held your face gently in his hands; he pressed a soft kiss to your lips and you near melted into his touch. “Why don’t you come and sit on the couch with me, just for a bit and maybe after dinner, if you feel better you could do a bit more work. Would that help?” 

You nodded slowly and allowed yourself to be led into the front room with Javi, he sat you down on the couch and closed the curtains behind you, knowing that you prefer to be in darker surroundings when you’re feeling anxious and sad. You couldn’t help but smile slightly as he fussed around you, he got you a glass of water and demanded you at least tried to drink half. You felt safe and comforted, it was something you always craved. 

“Thank you, Javi.” You sighed, your arm draped across his tummy as you cuddled into his side further. “You have no idea how much I crave to be comforted like this… I’ve never told you before because I didn’t want you to look at me differently, what with all my daddy issues.” You half joked. 

“I would never look at you differently. Never. I’ll always look after you, my beautiful girl.” He said softly and placed a gentle kiss to the top of your head. “I do worry about you though… I mean, I am so proud of you getting that promotion at work but it seems since your anxiety has been through the roof.”

You opened your mouth to protest, pretending you had no idea what he meant but Javi cut you off with a stern look. 

“Mi amor, I’m not a complete idiot… I’ve seen you sneaking off to cry, I’ve left you alone as you usually prefer to weather these storms by yourself, it’s killed me but I’ve been trying to do what I think you want. Maybe you should speak with work, maybe get some time off…” he said softly, his fingers stroking patterns on the bare skin of your legs. 

“You know I can’t do that… I can’t take time off but you’re right, I’ve been a mess lately. I’m sorry. It’s just… well, I didn’t tell you, clearly, but my dad messaged me the other day and said he wants to meet you. I keep him at a distance and rarely see him but he heard from another family member about our relationship and how I moved out to Spain to be with you and surprise, surprise, he now wants to be dad of the year.” You frowned, curling yourself into Javi’s side further, feeling his protective arm around you. 

“We can have him stay, only if you want to. If not, we don’t. It’s as simple as that, hermosa. You’re in charge here, okay?”

You nodded as your fingers lazily traced over the freckles on Javi’s arm, your mind was swimming with all the options of what could happen if you did or didn’t have your dad to stay, or what would happen with work if you opened up about the recent anxieties; you got caught up in your own head again and were only pulled out by Javi speaking once again. 

“You’re thinking too much…” he sighed. “Come here, mi amor. Let me take care of you.”

You looked up at Javi in confusion as you weren’t entirely sure what he meant but Javi gently pulled you into his lap and cupped either side of your face to pull you in for a kiss. It was soft, sensual and just the epitome of Javi; caring, smooth and safe. His soft lips pressed against yours and his tongue swiped along your lower lip, you gasped softly and he dipped his tongue into your mouth to deepen your kiss. He entangled his fingers into your hair to move you as he pleased, you allowed him, you were like a rag doll, moving as he wanted you to. 

“There,” he whispered against your lips. “Doesn’t that feel better?” 

You laughed softly and shrugged at him.

“I don’t know, I still feel pretty terrible.” You teased, wanting Javi to kiss you like that again. 

Of course he obliged, he pressed his mouth back to yours to give you another passionate kiss. His hands smoothed down the naked expanse of your arms and they landed on your exposed thighs, he toyed with the hem of your dress and you whined into the kiss. 

It had been a hot day so you were dressed in a pale blue sundress, Javi’s favourite and his own personal kryptonite. 

“You’re so beautiful, cariño, so breathtaking.” He complimented, reaching his head up to press a soft kiss to your forehead. “Drive me mad when you wear these pretty dresses, so gorgeous.”

You blushed at Javi’s words, with each compliment you could feel your cheeks glowing under his soft gaze. Javi peppered soft kisses to your neck, his plush lips sent sparks through your body and straight to your core. Before you realised what you were doing, you rocked your hips gently back and forth, searching for any contact against your clothed arousal. 

“Feeling a little needy, baby?” He cooed, his teeth grazing against your pulse point after whispering in your ear sensually. 

You nodded, a little embarrassed as your hips rocked back and forth. You made a small whimpering noise as Javi continued to kiss along your neck, only stopping to suck a small mark into your skin. 

“Shift over,” he instructed as he spread his legs further so you were straddling just one of his thighs. “That’s it, my sweet girl. Now, ride my thigh, hermosa. Make yourself feel good on my leg, like the needy little baby you are.” Javi smirked, looking at you with lust-blown eyes. 

You chewed on your lip as you slowly started to grind against Javi’s thigh, just a couple thin layers of fabric separating your pulsing clit and Javi’s skin. Your hips moved in slow circles, alternating between the soft little grinds and rubbing yourself back and forth on him rougher. Your mouth was parted as soft moans escaped from them, your arms were looped around Javi’s neck as you anchored yourself down to chase your high, greedily. 

“That’s it baby; you use me how you need me, need you to feel good. Tell me how it feels, please.” Javi gasped, watching your face contort with each moan that fell from your mouth. 

“Javi,” you sighed happily as your hips sped up, you could feel how slick you were with each move of your hips and you were sure you would be leaving a trail of your arousal behind on the beige linen of Javi’s shorts. “You feel so good, fuck. Needed this relief for so long, fuck, daddy.” You whimpered, too far gone to acknowledge the name. 

Javi’s eyes widened at the use of the pet name, you had never called him that before and he couldn’t deny the way his cock twitched in his pants. You were usually so reserved in bed, so timid and there you were, riding his thigh to chase your own release; looking so perfect. 

“Fuck, hermosa. Call me that again.” Javi groaned and held your hips roughly, making your grind down harder against his thigh. “Call me that as you cum.”

“W-what?” You mumbled before your brain clocked it and your cheeks heated up again. “Oh, I, um.” You whispered, slowing your movements as Javi controlled your hips. 

“Come on, my good girl. Call me it again, call me it and I’ll let you cum.” He encouraged. 

“Daddy.” you whispered, your voice coming out as a mere squeak. 

“Louder.” Javi’s hands gripped your hips tighter and slowed them down to soft grind which caused you to whine in frustration. 

“Daddy.” You said more confidently, wriggling your hips in his lap. 

“Good girl. So good for me.” He purred, his thick accent sending shivers through your body. 

Javi controlled your hips once more, speeding them up to allow you to chase your high; you were greedily there, letting your hips wriggle back and forth. It didn’t take long before you were gripping at Javi’s neck tightly and whimpering in his lap. 

You felt yourself get wetter as you came. “Fuck, daddy. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Feels so good.” You whined, your head lulling backwards as you chased your high. 

“Good girl, such a good girl for me. Now sit on the sofa and let me make you feel even better.” Javi purred, placing you on the couch so he could kneel between your legs on the floor. 

He decided against teasing you and instead pulled your panties off, tossing them to the side before dipping his head down to lap at your pussy. His expert tongue flicked over your swollen bud and then gently sucked at it, the suction of his lips had your whole body vibrating with pleasure and your fingers soon found their way into Javi’s soft brown locks. 

“Fuck, Javi.” You whimpered, shifting your body down to grind against the male’s face as he ate you out. 

Javi made a soft noise of appreciation against your wet heat, his tongue was working you with ease and within minutes you were falling apart at the seams, right on his face. He had you cursing and shaking all over again. 

He sat back, wiped his mouth and smiled up at you. He slowly stroked his hands up your bare thighs to pull your dress over your head, leaving you spent and naked for him to admire. Javi leant back onto his knees to fumble with the fastening on his shorts, you could see a large wet patch blooming on his thigh and your cheeks glowed as you knew that was from you. 

“You see that, baby girl.” Javi pointed at the darkened spot and you nodded in response. “Course you do, that’s from you. Is that how good I make you feel, sweet girl? Hm? Make you so wet you leave a patch behind when you cum. So hot.” Javi groaned.

He was drinking in your naked body, you drew your legs up to your chest and tried to cover yourself but the older male tutted and brought your legs down, spreading them so he could see you in all of your naked and aroused glory. He leant back again onto his knees and slowly freed his hard cock from his shorts, it sprung up and you could see beads of precum leaking from the tip. You absently licked your lips as you watched his hand stroke his length, your empty hole fluttered around air as you imagined your lover filling you up so deliciously. 

Javi clocked you, he could see you watching him and since he had already made you cum a couple of times, he thought it was the perfect time to tease you. He moaned as his hand passed over the tip of his cock and back down the shaft, he was moving slowly and he really ramped up his moans as he locked eyes with you. It was like a movie you couldn’t tear your eyes from, they would dart down to see Javi stroking himself before they would lock with his once again. 

You couldn’t help yourself, you were so turned on and you weren’t in control of your own body; your nimble fingers dipped down to stroke around your clit. You spread your legs further as you pleasured yourself, Javi smirked at you and nodded eagerly as your fingers sped up to match his own strokes. 

“That’s it, good girl.” He gasped, this person in front of him looked like you, looked like his girlfriend but your actions were so out there compared to your usually reserved-self. “Fuck, look at you, hermosa. Such a good girl for me, touching yourself cause you couldn’t even wait for me. So needy, aren’t you, my sweet little girl.”

You bit down on your bottom lip and nodded softly at Javi; the room was filled with sounds of your heavy breaths and soft moans as your fingers slowly sank into yourself. You were driving your boyfriend made, he wanted to bury himself so deeply in you and stay there forever but he also couldn’t stop watching as you pleasured yourself. 

“This what you do when daddy isn’t around to touch you, princess?” Javi groaned, he slowed his hand down and squeezed his length roughly to stave off his want to cum. 

“Y-yeah…” you whined. “Feels so good daddy but nothing feels as good as your cock, I’ve tried everything but nothing feels as good.” You admitted with red cheeks. 

“Yeah? What have you tried, honey?” He cooed, smirking that you were so open. 

“Uhm,” you whimpered as your hips bucked up to your hand. “My hairbrush, I tried using the shower head and I’ve tried humping everything; the sofa, my pillow one of my stuffed animals but nothing ever feels as good.”

Javi couldn’t help but bark out a laugh, it was dark and condescending and it made you feel even needier for the male. 

“Aw, my poor little baby. Humping everything like a little mutt. That why you rode my thigh earlier?” His voice was deep and lustful, it was the perfect mix of condscnedation and love. 

You nodded, tears pricking at your eyes with embarrassment as you admitted it to your boyfriend. He would often be away on work trips and you recalled in your mind all those nights that were so lonely and you were so empty. You craved your boyfriends touch, and his approval even more. 

“Being such a good girl for me now.” Javi groaned, finally pulling his hand off of his cock. He removed his shirt and stood to fully take his shorts off. 

Your eyes followed your boyfriend, your fingers still circled your swollen and sensitive clit, you could feel your orgasm impending quicker and quicker. 

“Javi,” you whimpered. “I-I’m gonna cum, please let me cum.” 

“Call me by my proper name, baby girl. Then you can cum.” He hissed, he gently wrapped a hand around your throat so his fingers and thumb were pressing on your pulse points. 

He restricted your throat just enough to make your head feel floaty and that’s what you needed to push you over the edge. Your mouth open in a silent moon as you tried to speak. 

“Daddy. Fuck.” You breathed, cursing him. 

Javi smiled down at you as your fingers stopped moving and your thighs shook roughly; he kissed your forehead gently and stroked your cheek after he released your throat. 

“Good girl. So good for me. How do you want to take me?” He whispered, his hand cupping at your cheeks gently so his thumb could stroke the soft skin there. 

You shrugged at him, feeling far too fucked out already. “I-I don’t mind.” You whispered. “Just want you, please.”

Javi made a humming noise of appreciation and he pressed another kiss to your forehead affectionately. “Okay, my love, lay down for me and I’ll give you daddies cock. Hm, is that okay with you? That what you want?”

You made a soft whining noise, you knew Javi’s cock would sting as he stretched you out and you couldn’t wait but you were already feeling over-sensitive so you knew you wouldn’t be able to last long. You laid down on the large sofa, your back leant up against the arm of the sofa with a cushion behind you and Javi positioned himself between your legs, he gently held onto one of your thighs for leverage as he positioned himself to your hole. 

“God, you’re so wet and tight for me, hermosa.” He groaned as he gently pressed himself into your vagina. Your eyes screwed shut at the sting of stretching around his member and Javi shushed you, he kissed your forehead once again before he started a slow pace. 

Javi squeezed at the flesh of your leg, you were perfect for him and he could live buried deep in you forever if it was possible. He rolled his hips sensually and with every thrust of his cock, he deliciously pleasure your g-spot. It was intense and your body shook with the pleasure of it all. 

“Daddy, you feel so good. You fill me up so well.” You whimpered, your soft hands grabbing at Javi’s back desperately as you clenched around his cock. 

“So do you, my sweet girl. Perfect little cocksleeve for me, made just for daddy. Isn’t that right?” He cooed. 

You nodded and Javi sped his hips up, he’d had enough of teasing himself and now he was chasing his high greedily. You laid there and took him, obscene moans and curse words tumbled from your lips like a free-flowing stream. You were a goner, so close to cumming around your boyfriend you wouldn’t have been able to stop it if you tried. 

Your walls fluttered and clenched around Javi’s member as you came; you felt it get wetter between the two of you and your whole body shook with the intensity, tears rolling down your cheeks as Javi kept up his punishing pace. 

“Good girl. Good. Fucking. Girl.” Javi groaned, holding your hips for better leverage as he fucked into you with fervour. 

It didn’t take Javi long to get there, soon his hips were stuttering to a stop before he quickly pulled out of you. He stroked himself once, twice and on the third time, he awkwardly leant over to spill his hot cum on your tits. You opened your mouth to catch a few stray spurts on your outstretched tongue as Javi praised you, fucking his fist as he painted your skin. 

Javi fell back onto the sofa with a groan, your laboured breaths filled the empty room as your tried to regain some composure. 

“Fuck me.” You laughed, flopping an arm over your face in exhaustion.

“Just did, cariño.” Javi laughed, not wasting a second to go and grab a damp cloth to clean you up with. He wiped at you gently and you hissed as the cool cloth hit your sweaty skin. 

Javi returned after throwing the cloth into the wash and sat on the sofa next to you, he took your legs and draped them over your lap so he could stroke softly at your bare skin. 

“That…” he breathed. “That was amazing but uh, do you wanna talk about it at all? It was different for us… amazing but different and I hope you’re okay.”

Your eyes were still closed, you were bathing in your post-orgasmic glow and Javi’s words had you crushing back down to earth. 

“Javi,” you whined as a warning. “Can we not… you found out a lot about me today, maybe pack it away and save that conversation for another day? I’m okay though, thank you for asking. I love you a lot…”

He lifted your leg and kissed it softly, he knew not to push you otherwise you would just withdraw into yourself further which wouldn’t help anyone. 

“Fine, fine. I love you more, hermosa. You’re my world. Whatever you need, or whatever you want from me, I’m here for you.” He rambled until you sat up and gently pushed his shoulder. 

“Shut up and kiss me, you idiot.” You laughed and brought your boyfriend in for a gentle kiss, he smiled against your lips before you laid back down on the sofa and pulled a blanket over your naked body. “Now, I think you promised me dinner? How about your famous risotto?” You grinned. 

Javi rolled his eyes affectionately and stood, wrapping the blanket around you tighter and handing you the tv remote. 

“Anything for you, mi amor. Now, you relax here, cariño and I’ll make us some dinner.” Javi smiled, ducking his head down to kiss your forehead before he disappeared into the kitchen. 

—————————————————————

—————————————————————

—————————————————————

#javi g x reader #javi gutierrez #javi gutierrez x reader #javi g x you #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fanfictions #anon request

[pet-cemetery-emotes]

Queues gonna be dry for a second due to work~ 🎶 I’ll be refilling it slowly.

Been loosely following the Vandal situation. I can’t promise I will be up-to-date on drama (in fact, I try not to be, for my mental health) but anything emoji-farms covers, I’ll likely see day-of.

Emoji code seems like a sort of convoluted system. I’m a bit paranoid I’ll accidentally stumble into that. Gwah. I guess as a heads up - I’m swearing off emoji code. I’ve never used it, and I never will. if you ever see me using emoji in a sequence, it’s just that. I like emoji =w= besides for signifying posters - I saw some of my headmates have emoji ID that fall into “claimed code” so im gonna ignore that lol. I will unnormalize that so help me god.

If you want my stance on Issues, you will have to seduce them out of me. But while I have you here - Rape is bad. Pedophilia is bad. I think if you deal with those urges or intrusive thoughts it doesn’t make you evil, but hopefully you know this and are invested in harm reduction to yourself and others, and also know you shouldn’t lean into it - much less cutesify it into something covert to advertise places. Lastly, there’s no wrong way to be plural, I’ll take your experiences at face value 👍

Lastly. If you ever want me to do alternate takes on emotes I’ve made, including adjustments to expression or tone, I’ll add it to my to-do list. Im also willing to try my hand and style at existing emotes - official or by other creators - if requested. So, as for recent events, if you were using any of Vandal’s emotes and want something similar but different to replace them with, DM me the emote. I’m slow but I’m willing.

- 🎃

#not emojis #notices #🎃

[its-koili]

hey guys. sorry for being gone for so long. heres an update

(tw for: mention of violence / gore, general distress, mental health issues)

(tw below)

.

basically i had a huge mental health crisis. i was having 24/7 constant rolling panic attacks from may of 2023 to january of this year. my last big meltdown was in early february. been processing a lot of CSA trauma and some recent trauma that ive gone through. i think i talked about my panic attacks before leaving social media but idk i dont remember. isolated myself from absolutely everybody.

the main thing that made me leave was that while i was keeping up to date on the g3n0c1d3 (censoring bc idk how tumblr is about it), and when i was looking in the replies / related of the awareness videos, i came across 4 accounts dedicated to using gore for clicks / shock. not videos of the g3n0c1d3 (thank god bc of how they were using the vids) but of unfortunate every day situations and cam footage. like, the kind of stuff you could see on liveleak back in 2010. just out in the open on twitter. they all had usernames like "(insert number here) ways to die)". they were all content farms for click/ad revenue. it was too much it was a huge trigger and i had a full on meltdown. the bluecheck ppl on twitter were using the replies of the videos people uploaded for raising awareness to upload mindless g0re for money. the fact that peoople have 0 compassion for human life sent me into a spiral that i couldnt get out of. (i reported 3 out of the 4 accounts i was able to and 3 got taken down but 1 is still up and it odesnt seem to be uploading the hardcore g0r3 anymore. so thats good. but that was one of the reasons i left social media. ive been keeping up to date w the news but thats it. i left my socials entirely and ive only been on my phone to look up recipes or to use my computer for media research groceries and gaming and shows

that was the main thing that pushed me to leave. i just couldnt take it anymore. during the start of my crisis last year, i was planning on taking a small break, but all of that pushed me over the edge and i dropped everything. after that, my issues got worse and i dont remember most of it. thankfully. but i couldnt bring myself to talk to anybody. i isolated myself and just. laid in bed. but im doing better so i guess thats good

on another topic ive beeen nervous to post this on main but during all of this (ive talked abt tihs a little bit on my priv before i left) i found out that im a system a long while back. my dad (one of my abusers) had/has DID and it terrified me to think that i could be anything like him. i also knew cereal abuser who pretended to be a system to get away with stuff/abusing their friends (and then years later admitted that they werent a system and siad that systems are fake.) LOTS of tears. lots of crying over this. was in denial for a few weeks. cried some more. then eventually came to terms with it.

i dont want to post abt my system online too much bc i dont want to act like this is some fun trendy thing bc its not. it makes day to day living very hard (some lighter/funnier issues that make it hard are: arguing with an alter bc YOU dont know where THEY put YOUR MEDS, not being able to cook because one alter can and the other cant, your art style not being consistent because their styles are different). i dont want to really make it a massive part of my identity online bc its not a big deal! theres just Multiple Little Guys in my brain. so. im a system! im the same but....this explains why i dont remember talking to certain people SUIDHUFHX. i always felt bad. makes conversing with online friends hard especially if icons/usernames are changed. ill make a separate post about this someday thatll go into detail a bit more.

i went years thinking it was just "kinning" but it wasnt lol. it turns out that your personality completely shifting, tastes in food / music / art / media changing, the way you walk / talk dress changing, and having complete memory blackouts when you """"kin shift"""" isn't normal. /lh (dw ive had a lot of time to come to terms with this)

but basically right now ive been spending time getting to,,know myself?? iive been using simplyplural for myself for several months and im uncovering a lot of my memories / trauma ect bc alters can write down what they need to in the chat. so i can go back later and read it. its been v helpful!

i will not be coming back just yet. i have no interest in using social media rn or drawing or writing unfortunately. ive been working on my original stuff here and there but i havent been drawaing fandom stuff bc im not hyperfixating on a fandom.

also. some things have come up. im not going to say anything until the party in question is stable/safe/comfortable before i even suggest anything for context (i dont plan on talking abt anything at all unless they start talking publicly). right now i am helping someone through abuse. their wellbeing is my #1 concern. i'll think about other things after im sure theyre okay.

i dont really have any resolutions as to how things are going but i do feel better and im not having as many panic attacks. i dont really know where im going with this now sorry. just trying to brush over the basic topics before i go. idk if anybody remembers me bc ive been gone for so long so idk if im just talking into the wind but if i am thats fine honestly this is helping me reorganize my thoughts (i type these vents out a lot on docs so i probably wont remember posting this hiudhvu)

other than that. i dont draw or write anymore. i think in the past 6 months ive drawn like....5 things. its. weird. im completely disconnected from fandoms now. coming up to a full year of not having a hyperfixation at all.

my bday was on the 6th. im 27 now im very old (everybody forgot it asides from my husband (and the people he reminded) n my abuser). ive been trying to cook and bake more and ive been playing video games again. planning on getting back into drawing soon and working on my original stuff. when i come back im planning on redesigning my profiles and updating my social media bios and stuff bc theyre so old. also ill make a section on my carrd for my system. there you go theres some positivity to the update nxfjdfjh. sorry if i dont seem very enthused im very tired so typing has been a chore hfuidshuifv.

sorry that this was a lot or if it seems disjointed i was trying to put down as much into this as possible without making it too long

bye!!! see u all soon!

#vent

[ralphiesaces]

i’ve been thinking about engineer!seb au all week oh my god

so some additional thoughts

- maybe in this au, jenson’s first engineer is hanna prater? sebs best friend since forever, and jenson’s right-hand-woman since 2009

- (or maybe anyone else, but i feel like this dynamic fits best)

- she was there for him the entire time through his mental health issues throughout 2009, and her watching and dealing with it first hand brings them pretty close together

- he brings her anything and everything she needs

- when seb finally turns up in the same garage as her, they’re glued by the hip and jenson tries to bribe her w more snacks and stuff to get his work-bestie back and it’s not working

- hanna sees right through him, but seb thinks that it’s normal for them, and that it’s really sweet

- once jenson gets over being bitter (after mark slaps some sense into him) he brings both of them anything they need when he’s free

- he hovers, bc he likes hearing them talk tech, but he doesn’t really understand all of it

- but they never make him feel dumb

- one day hanna is sick, and the team is just doing some tests

- so seb is sitting in his normal chair, and jenson is wiped from some PR work he had to do, so jenson is quiet, just watching seb flutter around, doing his work

- but seb gets stuck on trying to fix a problem, kimi doesn’t have enough grip, or is losing too much time on corners, or something

- and jenson quietly makes a suggestion

- seb’s eyebrows furrow and jenson repeats himself, but his lack or normal confidence is gone bc he’s out of his comfort zone here. he’s not know for being smart

- but he’s right.

- and bc he pointed out the problem, seb could figure out the solution, indirectly helping his teammate who he’s fighting for in the championship this year

- it’s out of character for him fs

- he likes kimi, sure, but after 2009, he wasn’t ever planning to go out of his way to help him win

- so the next race kimi is faster

- jenson is torn up about it, extremely frustrated, but it’s nothing but his own fault really

- and then the race after that, his car is equal to kimi’s again?

- hanna doesn’t say a think, but she looks jenson in the eyes, shoots her gaze over to seb for a second and it makes sense

- seb probably gave hanna some advice/a key bit of info that she hadn’t noticed to help jenson’s performance

- they’re not even dating yet, but they have a serious conversation about their relationship

- they can’t let any conflict of interest like that happen again

- but they helped each other and neither of them were going to forget that anytime soon

- jenson finds it easier to talk to seb now, and still hangs out w seb and hanna (sometimes seb alone)

- and he’s comforted by seb’s presence. he actually finds himself being recharged when he hangs out w seb

- he’s not drained when he’s with him

- some press start to think he’s stealing kimi’s engineer or tactics, but jenson barely focuses when he’s there lol, zoning out

- so instead, sometimes seb comes to jenson’s drivers room or motorhome lol

- they just work together, you know?

- they’re basically dating without actually dating lol

anyways i just had some thoughts

#sebson #op #f1 rpf #engineer!seb au

[deathsbestgirl]

Saw your tags-- agree w/ your thoughts! :DDD

I put my fleshed out ideas... somewhere? in an additional post; but I meant (and didn't say very eloquently) was that Mulder's trauma is psychological while Scully's was physical. We see him on more mental collapses over the series than Scully, whereas her arc revolves around her bodily autonomy being violated. Both are tragic; but Scully was given something back for everything CC took away from her (abduction = coma to have a goodbye from her dead father/peace, Melissa died = led her to Emily to give Scully autonomy over her daughter's peace, infertility = IVF = failure = confronting her own scientific reluctance in Amor Fati arc = alien ship healing = journey's end in all things = miracle pregnancy, etc.) Whereas Mulder's tragedies has no good thing to come from them EXCEPT closure for Samantha (his mom's suicide will always weigh on him, and his dad's "hi son" in Anasazi was butchered by Mulder learning about his Nazi dealings in Paper Clip, etc.)

Scully is able to seek help, stability, and normality regardless of her sufferings (even going to therapy when her mental health in untenable); Mulder, however, collapses far too easily without his dilapidated quest (until The Unnatural-Closure.) His trauma is psychological: being too late or too frozen or too incompetent to help others (Max in Fallen Angel, Samantha pre-show, his parents' deaths, Scully's abduction, her cancer and chip control, missing his son's birth, etc.) And his torture in S8 was never addressed, he was competently replaced by Doggett (who had a great solve rate), Scully would have been a good parent without him, Skinner/TLG advocate for his replacement (silently), etc. He had to suffer another loss-- his job, his files, to get a modicum of peace... and even that was robbed by his fear of his child's paternity. And he missed his son's birth (while Scully suffered another physical trauma with Reyes, so both had an awful time of it.)

Their tragedies are incomparable; but Mulder isn't hit hardest by physical violence while Scully is, hence her abduction/infertility being a pillar of trauma for her. For Mulder, it's psychological failure that haunts him the most.

Went on a long-winded spiel there, but I tried to consolidate it all down! :DDDDDD

thank you for this message !! so i tried to start it last night, but honestly was too tired to continue trying lol my issue isn't that i disagree with you at all, but the whole discussion ended up bringing out my anger toward the show 🤣

so i'm finding it hard to talk about their characters in the context of the show when i'm mad about the writing choices.

because. in oubilette (i love this episode), they give a minor the space to have such intense emotions after she'd been kidnapped, raped & abused. and it's SO frustrating that they make scully just bury it. i guess we can assume that because we see her go to therapy, she may go more than we see. and i think you're right to credit her more stable family background for how she's able to heal. but i just don't think being abducted for three months & having no memory and later learning you were medically raped when she was terrified to do any kind of therapy that could help her remember.

so i just don't think she ever dealt with it well, she internalized and tried to bury it and just move forward. or rather, she dealt with it by working on the x files with mulder. cuz maybe she'd eventually get some answers when she was more ready. and she'd already dedicated herself to him.

which i think is another part of the "problem" for me. because they did this with scully, and the way the show is continually about mulder's trauma, i think it just pisses me off. and like. i just can't be sure these were decisions the writers made intentionally, to be part of her character (which when i rationalize it, scully doesn't want to be weak in front of mulder, become another reason for him to feel guilty, another reason for his quest. she's strong & rational and he needs her to be okay. she wants his trust & his pride, to feel worthy. not necessarily because of anything mulder says/does but because of her own psychology & issues...) or if they were lazy & GA worked with what she had as they focused her on mulder.

ANYWAY. all this to say both of their traumas are so so bad. his lead to so much pain, abuse, estrangement and his beautiful beautiful empathy. i think i just care more about scully's because we actually ~see much more of mulder's. half the cases are about his trauma. the whole show is about his trauma. and scully's, i have a harder time talking about because medical rape is too real & scary. losing children is heart wrenching & tragic. the assaults she suffered from obsessive, crazy men are a very present fear for women. we lose people to cancer all the time and it's worse than i could ever put into words (which that aspect of cancer is more about mulder) and i just don't think a lot of that can get better exactly? it's things that stay with you even if you had a loving, stable family, even if you've "worked through it" & "healed" & manage to move forward. there isn't really a choice when a child involved. and there isn't really a choice when you're the one left behind. (not good choices anyway)

(and gods it's so frustrating the way they suck at communicating directly. they really do know each other so well that they can understand so much with looks & touches because they've learned how the other's mind works, though, clearly only to a degree because neither of them can truly fathom how the other struggles when they're abducted & there's nothing they can do except waiting & looking & praying & just doing what they have to as life keeps going because that's how the world works. BUT COMMUNICATING MATTERS. they can't rely on the other just ~getting it, because clearly they can't always get it lol)

(and oh god there's something here about the way mulder is so self sacrificial that any bodily harm that comes to him doesn't matter. and there's also something about the loss of autonomy scully faces repeatedly...)

#idk if i want to tag this lolllll #posting before i keep going when i don't actually have a ~thing to express

[dhaaruni]

wondering if you'd be ok w giving advice. I was p mentally ill in my teens-20 so I never dated/missed "young love" and now that im 23 I honestly do really want a relationship (really stable now) but I've afraid being a 23 yr old virgin dating men, I'm slightly scared to be so innocent to love as well as being a total red flag for a partner (it was psychosis so really serious which im afraid would be a deal breaker and also its humiliating to admit) I can't figure out if 23 is wildly too old and these past couple years I've been to nervous to put myself out there. my friend says its a huge turn off for men when a girl says she's a virgin in her 20s

Yeah for sure!

I don't know if I have any great advice for you about disclosing mental health issues but my general advice is to be honest but set boundaries and don't share anything you don't feel comfortable sharing.

Like, I've told a few guys I've dated about my mental health history (which believe me, is easily as red flaggy as yours if not more so) but I do it on my own time, and I'm very intentional about it. I don't think it's our moral responsibility to instantly disclose the worst things that have ever happened to us in order to prove that we're like, "worthy" of being loved and understood!

I hate when people weaponize emotional vulnerability to get people to trust them, but I also hate when people demand it from others. There's a huge difference between me making an offhand reference to being ~troubled and a guy demanding to know what I mean, does that make sense? Like, obviously, you SHOULD tell your partner about your mental health issues before you get serious, but it doesn't have to be a first date or even a first month kind of conversation, it can wait until you trust them and know they're the kind of person you want in your life long term.

As for the "being a virgin" thing, I honestly don't think it's a big deal although I can see see why you'd be concerned given the nature of our society. Obviously there are some guys who'll be idiotic about it, but you should only have sex when you feel comfortable doing so, and any guy that holds something like virginity (or on the flip side, erstwhile promiscuity) against you isn't worth sleeping with in the first place. Just again, be honest about it! Communicate with your partner about what you want because they can't read your mind, and you'll be much happier in the long run saying what you mean and meaning what you say than equivocating.

Then again, "be honest and communicate" is advice that's much easier given than followed through on but I'd like to think I've personally gotten very good at it lol.

#answered #anonymous #i give advice sometimes

[moodr1ng]

not to start shit lol but some of you saw people with schizo-spectrum disorders, did, personality disorders, and other very stigmatized/misunderstood/underresearched and undertreated mental illnesses say that the mental health care system and the professionals therein often are only equipped to handle disorders that are more widespread, more recognized, less stigmatized (which doesnt mean NOT stigmatized), such as depression and anxiety (which are the common examples because... theyre very widespread disorders known to affect much more of the general population), and took that as an attack on you personally and as them saying that you dont struggle and youre not really mentally ill and youve never faced ableism and depression and anxiety arent a big deal etc, which is just not what (at least the vast majority of) people were saying at all.

and like. it is simply true that most mental health professionals are taught about treating depression and anxiety as a baseline of mental health care education (which does not mean theyre all good at it or that medical abuse or neglect does not happen) while they are often not taught about more stigmatized disorders considered rarer properly unless they specialized in those fields, often hold prejudices against those disorders which come from that lack of education as well as the general social stigma against them, dont know how to recognize or treat those disorders, or in some cases straight up do not believe that those disorders exist despite being medically recognized and therefore misdiagnose patients and treat them for the wrong illness or treat them as fakers.

and people with those disorders pointing out the inequality in treatment is not an attack on people who "only" suffer from depression or anxiety, and frankly it feels very disingenuous to claim it is, because, like... these very stigmatized and severe mental illnesses are very, very comorbid with depression and anxiety (just one example, personality disorders are evaluated to be comorbid w depression at a rate of 50 to 90%). a lot if not most of the people who are talking about this will also suffer from depression and/or anxiety. they very likely KNOW what it feels like to deal with those and how professionals react to those disorders. their opinions may often be informed by seeing themselves the difference in how theyre treated when professionals are addressing their depression or anxiety vs when theyre addressing stigmatized symptoms. so like. im sure people have been callous in how they talk about this or been dismissive, and that is shitty, but maybe priorities could lie in the systemic issue of mistreatment and neglect of people with particularly stigmatized illnesses and not on how evil they are bc some of them are flippant about addressing their frustration and pain and may say stuff thats hurtful. whatever though

#97 #long post #i say 'some of you' but idk that any of my current followers say this or believe this to be clear LOL #i mean i am aware of those takes from having seen them on my dash but i dont necessarily follow the same people etc anymore #this is phrased as addressing people as if theyre reading this even tho its not rebloggable but im mostly just venting #so. not directed at anyone

[golbrocklovely]

Unpopular opinion, i think fans are really mean towards Sam and there's not such a big reason behind it. He really wants to help people in his own way and just because his way of coming out with a piece of advice or a way to offer some kind of support is just different from Colby's, that doesn't make him less caring than Colby

Also, i don't understand why people hate on his dumb and wise newsletter or whatever u wanna call it because there aren't many influences who take their time to do something like that (i mean starting from scratch and managing to come out with something, cuz forwarding emails is easy afterwards) and also takes time to find things that might come in handy for fans who need that piece of advice. If Sam does this, even if it's a lot of Internet information and his side notes in that email, he did something good, tho unnecessary, a money grabbing brand. But if Colby comes on Snapchat and starts talking about life, he's a role model and he's so amazing and look how nicely he responds to questions and how nicely he speaks. Colby is way too overrated when doing the bare minimum any influencer should do, like staying in touch with fans and talking about mental health and anxiety and problems that don't go away by clapping ur hands. I appreciate a lot the fact that he talks about this stuff, don't get me wrong, especially because Sam and Colby are 2 of a small number of influences who address these important topics, but when they're both trying to answer their fan's questions or even talk about it how well they can, why try to make a difference between them? One might have a certain pov, while the other one has another pov and that should be alright. Any topic should be seen from more povs, it's not just colby who's right, it's not just sam who's right and u can't stay sam hasn't been through depressive episodes and bad anxiety. If he doesn't talk about these things is strictly his choice, but u can't say that he sounds cold and very objective when talking about stuff because "he didn't go through it"

This thing is literally like u and ur best friend giving the same answer in class but ur best friend gets the credit because "she's prettier"

Where i use u, I'm not talking about u 😂💜

this is so fucking long of a response to you. omg, i apparently have a lot of opinions lol

well, i can only speak on my behalf and say how i feel about the advice both boys give.

while i love the boys a lot, i do think sometimes their advice isn't as universal as they make it seem. i think that sometimes their lack of acknowledgement towards their own privilege makes it hard to want to listen to them. bc they give out advice and think that it will work for everyone listening, when that's just not the case. i do think over the years they gotten better at recognizing when their advice can help and where it can't, but they still struggle to realize that (especially for neurodivergent ppl) their advice doesn't go as deep as it could. or that in general, their advice isn't as prolific as they believe it to be.

like with metalife. one of the major problems i had with it is that a lot of their advice was basic or surface level. a lot of their philosophies weren't that deep. hell, most of the things they said on that site they said on the life project first, so they were just repeating themselves at that point. and while it's great that that worked for some ppl, i think it's also fine to admit that it doesn't work for most fans, especially those dealing with deeper issues. but that's okay. i don't expect snc to have the answers to my mental health issues. they aren't professionals. but i think another major problem was just the fact that anytime they gave advice, it was hard to listen to it knowing that they haven't lived a 10th of the life i have. i don't wish for them to struggle like i have, but when they are miles above me in every which way, it's hard to listen.

as for the split between sam and colby, again, i think it has a lot to do with how they sound. and while sam is genuinely trying to help, i do think that sometimes his words don't quite hit the mark. i think sam has a tendency to just repeat what other ppl say just bc that advice worked for him. which is fine, bc realistically none of us have original thoughts anymore lol, but if the advice was barely advice in the first place…. repeating it and putting your own spin on it lessen it's value.

i think there is also this out of touch attitude that sam can get that colby for the most part doesn't have. like, when sam wrote about not living for your vacations in the dumb and wise email….. like, bro, in this economy? you're telling ppl not to live for vacations, as if they can even get one in the first place?????? you just sound out of touch. i get what he was going for, but there are better ways to have said it. and he makes himself more out of touch by looking up to musk and bezos. i get it, you're a business man. but there is no ethical way to make billions of dollars. and then to keep it all??? even worse. and to top all of that off, he never apologizes for upsetting fans. he'll just ignore things until ppl forget or stop talking about it altogether. and while i get that for some situations, doing it all the time doesn't work. it makes it sound like he doesn't want to listen to fans.

also, i just gotta add this in bc i just remembered it, he has this vibe/attitude/whatever of "feel less, work more". he's surrounds himself in so much business but does little to no introspective work. he doesn't allow himself to feel, and would rather be busy all the time. but that doesn't work for anyone, let alone him. and i think that if he would allow himself to either work thru his emotions or just…. feel for once, he might be able to give good advice.

and while i say all of this, i still genuinely love sam. i can love him and still be annoyed at him tho. both things can be true. bc on a basic level, i feel like he does try his best to give the advice he thinks will work, but it comes across a bit pretentious bc he doesn't recognize his own privilege. and his dumb and wise emails, if i even read them in the first place, i just kinda shrug off and go about my day. sometimes i read them and think "oh that's good advice" but for the most part, i don't pay attention to them.

and as for colby, i think (and i know, at least, i feel this way) a lot of ppl relate to him more than they do sam. maybe it's bc sam is extremely closed off so we don't know as much about him as we do colby. maybe for some ppl (even tho they'll never admit it) they just generally find colby more attractive than sam and thus are more likely to listen to him. who knows, who cares. for me, colby comes in with advice that at least shows hesitancy. he outright refuses to answer questions about mental health problems, and tells those that need help to seek professionals. i don't think i've ever heard sam do that. maybe he just ignores those questions and instead goes for ones he thinks he can answers, maybe i just don't remember him doing what colby does. either way, colby tells does that, and then any of the advice he does gives, he follows it up by saying "this may not work for you, but this is what worked for me" and that alone puts him above sam in my book for giving advice.

that hesitancy shows a more realistic side to him than sam. sam comes in with a certain tone that's just very matter-of-factly, that there's no way he's wrong. colby, bc he's cautious about what he says or at least understands that his words may not help, shows that he acknowledges what he saying. he's not just regurgitating something someone else said in a book he read.

and i think as much as colby claims to be private or closed off, he tells a lot more than he shows. i don't think he realizes how much stuff he's actually told fans, and just that bit of vulnerability helps to make a connection. that's why i believe he probably does struggle with depression and, at the very least, anxiety. he's shown us what he's like after being super anxious all day. he's told us the stories of needing to take tums everyday at school. and as for the depression, which i know is just an assumption on my part, there are things he has said in the past (like not being able to leave his couch for weeks on end, like feeling like he was on autopilot, like isolating himself from ppl when he's feeling bad) that makes me believe he has struggled with depression without realizing it bc those are things i went thru as well. and that, i think, helps fans connect with him more. if sam struggles the same way colby does, we wouldn't know bc he doesn't tell us. and i get that he has every right to his privacy and that he doesn't have to tell us that information. but bc colby has, with or without his own knowledge, means ppl connect with him more and want to listen to his advice.

all of this being said, if you don't agree with me, totally fine. you might relate to what sam says more. that's great. if his advice works for you, please listen to it and use it. i'm just saying it doesn't work that way for me, but that's okay. i don't look at sam as less than bc of it. i still love sam. he's just a bit annoying sometimes lol

#ask #personal #sam and colby

[phoneybeatlemania]

Have you read May Pang’s book and if so, what do you think of it? What are your thoughts about John’s final years?

Hiya anon!

Unfortunately I can’t give you much of an opinion on May Pangs book because Im still yet to read it. I was actually going to start it the other week, but it was a toss up for me between May’s book and Pauline Lennon’s Daddy Come Home, and I went with the latter cause it was easier to travel with. I have a reading list here though if you’d like to check out the other stuff Ive read, although, it needs updating lol.

As for Johns final years, my thoughts on that are a bit more complicated. While I do get the impression that John Wasn’t Doing Great in his final years, Im not sure I believe it to the extent that others do. 

My guess is that John was probably somewhat lonely and depressed—but Im not sure Im convinced he was as depressed as other people seem to think he was. Not that it’s impossible or anything, but Im yet to see any accounts that would confirm/strongly suggest that [feel free to engage with this post though, Im all for sharing sources :)]. 

One comment from him that I personally think about a lot suggests to me that he was still dealing with a lot of the same emotional and mental health issues he’d been having for years, only I think they’d been slightly lessened, in part because he wasn’t so involved with drug/alcohol substances, and in part because he was trying to mature more as a parent for Sean, which might have prompted him to take more of an active role with his mental health (not saying he had a whole self-care routine or anything, but I think if he was making conscious efforts to be a good parent then he might have had to sort of just say to himself: yes, you’re depressed, but get on with it):

‘The thing about the child [Sean] is…it’s still hard. I’m not the greatest dad on earth, I’m doing me best. But I’m a very irritable guy, and I get depressed. I’m up and down, up and down, and he’s had to deal with that too—withdrawing from him and then giving, and withdrawing and giving. I don’t know how much it will affect him in later life, but I’ve been physically there.’ (source: John Lennon: The Last Interview w/ Jonathan Cott)

However, I should clarify that theres still a lot of texts Ive been meaning to get to for awhile on this, so my opinions here are subject to change; this is just the gist of my feeling on the matter, as of yet. I was thinking about making a massive document actually, collecting all different sources on this to weigh out the He Was Depressed vs He’s Never Been Better arguments, and see which side seems more likely. But yeah, this is the position Ive taken for now! 

#dakota days #johns psyche #john lennon #may pang #asks #anon #beatles

[randombubblegum]

THIS TURNED INTO AN ESSAY I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE I'M JUST VERY LONG WINDED AND THIS BAND WAS THE BIGGEST PART OF MY LIFE FOR LIKE 3 YEARS AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET INTO EVERYTHING W THE GUY I DO TALK ABOUT. PROCEED WITH CAUTION

okay i may as well be like a semi-official as it is scholar (less so in the last several months just due to some me stuff) so i may have a bit of insight but i do wanna say patty is quite literally My Boy like. parasocial relationship aside he is 100% for sure the nicest "celebrity" i've ever met in person and i've met quite a few, his vibes are really just immaculate and as much as i'm able to not knowing him personally i think he's genuinely very sweet and cares a lot about just people in general and also in a really unique turn of events i have literally only heard of a single other band dude that had a problem with him and surprise surprise: it was a palaye royale guy. there was a tiny bit of drama there during warped 2018 which i will recount later if you don't know it already but the entire thing is pretty ridiculous and was not long lasting either. the thing that another anon mentioned with all of then suddenly cutting a member off is i believe to do with andy westhead, who was a former guitarist that ronnie ish took the place of in ~2017/18 (can't exactly remember u get the deal). i do not know this for like certain but i saw a few different things on various social media sites that i believe line up with whatever he was doing on his personal social media that alluded to them deciding to cut ties with him due to some really iffy personal politics of his. i also don't know what those would've been exactly, but i will say i kinda got whiffs of some (BRITISH. HOW) trump supporter and homophobia shit. they're really not a "political" band in terms of their music and presentation of the group but the members themselves have always been pretty open about the fact that they're like. very much not the conservative type of people? like they weren't doing crazy ahead of their time shit or anything and they were usually bro-ing around with a lot of the other white boy pop punk bands but they were always pretty affirming of feminism and lgbt+ people and the like. that was also very close to the time that they were shifting from their kinda generic "it's okay not to be okay" vibe and starting to get into more serious issues and darker themes surrounding mental health and they really 180'd their aesthetic and took a lot of their inspo from like mcr and other aesthetically emo bands and patty (+ben a bit) specifically was starting to present like pretty androgynously so i definitely think that's worth noting when you try to make some sense out of it. they've actually lost quite a few members up to this point now but i don't think there's much to say about the others that isn't like Known, i think ben leaving may have been a little bit messier than they portrayed it but i can't say for sure and it almost definitely wasn't anything other than like purely musical or within the band. they did swap bassists like several years ago and i can't even remember the og guys name but that was like before they'd gotten almost any substantial attention as a band and i literally haven't heard like anything about it at all. it may have been what the other anon was referring to but since i actually had like an idea about andy i figured i may as well shed some light. obv take this with a grain of salt since i don't know them personally and i actually only got very into the band just a bit after the dust had settled on this so there really wasn't much talk of it at that point, i just dove deep like a mfer after i did get into them bc y'know special interest things. would be cool to see if any like Veteran as it is fans have something that'll like blow the lid off this whole thing and prove me wrong lmao

i dont even have much to say this is just so cute LOL…… i love how much u love them :,) patty does genuinely seem sweet i think hes more than made up for his sin of being a youtuber

i wanna hear the warped 2018 if u remember it!!! also yikes @ the conservative bassist but good on them for booting him immediately. im kind of curious abt ben leaving being potentially messier but not even in a like ooh dig up the dirt gotcha way, they seem too nice and generally chill for me to believe theres actually any shit behind the scenes now…… anyway its kind of refreshing to have a band thats just Some Guys (positive) :)

#i love the passion and obsession that clearly went into this im like taking off my hat in respect #thank u for sharing!! #i do kind of want to see patty get butt ass naked i wont lie. maybe i will look up his youtube LOL #mail time! #long post #aii

[acourtofthought]

Heyyo, I’m the person that made the callout post towards Elriels and their beef with the color yellow that your most recent anon post was about. I just figured I stop by and clarify some things. Sorry in advance if this doesn’t make much sense, I’m super tired rn lol The post I was talking about/calling out was actually made a few days after your toga post, and basically the anti-toga blogger made a post that agreed w/ an anon saying that fan artists were responsible for Elain hate or some shit. If I’m remembering right, it implied that two artists were problematic because 1 said they associated Elain w/ the color yellow, and 1 didn’t want to make fanart of her for an acotar project they were doing. No artists were called out directly, and I haven’t been in the fandom long enough to know all of the big fan artists, but the post did use pretty specific examples of things certain Instagram artists did, so someone knowledgeable on the fandom might be able to deduce who they are. Normally I wouldn’t of had enough of an issue with that to feel the need to make a callout, but the blog ended up accepting another anon confession where someone called neutral elriel commission artists a “waste of money” and asked for a list of pro elriel artists to commission. Obviously people are allowed to have their preferences and whatever, but I am worried that the elriel community is jeopardizing commission artists by fostering an environment where artists will be under a lot of scrutiny. That’s why my petty little callout post was mostly me promising Eluciens that I’d make them some fanart, it was kind of a “fuck you elriels, artists don’t like you anyways” lol. Also, I pissed off one of my elucien muts by making a joke about how the real problem w/ Elain’s black dress was that it wasn’t slutty enough, and I wanted to make up my bad joke with some Elucien content (I’m only mentioning this because they follow this account) (shoutout to my girl, this fanart is for YOU bestie). TL;DR: No artists are being harassed yet, but Elriels are starting to create a worrying environment. I don’t think any of your posts are responsible directly, but I do think you advocating for toga fan art kinda pushed the anti-toga blogger to openly not like fanartists in general. I’m hoping that we’ll stop with the toga/suit/black/yellow debates because all of these debates are heavily linked to commission artists jobs, and I don’t think ships are worth jeopardizing someone’s financial stability/mental health

I am sorry that your original post went over my head because honestly I had no idea that was all going on. I've recently been blocking a lot of accounts I'm uncomfortable with because I've become a lot more Anti E/riel lately and I realize that's a bit of a change from when I first joined (when I was open minded to either ship). I didn't want to deal with stirring up E/riel supporters because that just leads to a lot of inbox hate messages.

I do apologize if a post I created somehow led to discontentment towards fanartists although I feel it has to be said, E/riels have already created a worrying environment that's been around for quite awhile. I'm a super small fish on Tumblr and don't have the following a lot of other bloggers have so I'm not sure that anything I've posted has the sort of major impact that would drastically spill over elsewhere.

Also, I wasn't necessarily advocating for Toga fanart. More acknowledging why artists who have already created Toga fanart should not be attacked for their work. There was already fanart shared during Elucien week that anti's were up in arms over and I felt their arguments were fairly baseless so I was addressing that more than saying Elain and Lucien should be in Togas all day, every day :D I just felt bad that someone's work was being attacked.

Unfortunately, I think Anti E/riels will find a way to rally against anyone they think might show loyalty to those that are Pro Elucien. That is extremely childish and I feel horrible that any artists would have to deal with that sort of behavior. And I think if that is the type of person they are, it doesn't really matter what we blog about because hardcore anti's will use literally anything we say to further their cause.

[troglobite]

i’m not in that bad of a mood but a bunch of body/health complaints below the cut bc i wanna bitch abt em

my life is basically a series of: i need to do x to help y, but that causes z, and i need to do b to help z, but then that causes or worsens c

like i’m not unique, it’s just sort of stupid and i’m Tired. lol

it’s gotten v bad thanks to the pandemic and also this house/town i think? long story

anyway

rn i’m dealing with:

my mental health sucks, i need to get out more

well i can’t get out bc of covid so : /

then i could at least exercise more, bc exercising also will help my cholesterol which isn’t great (but is stable and not getting worse, at least)

okay great except that my MCAS means my sweat is out of fucking control so exercising is miserable

well i could just take it easy then, right?

well no bc going for a walk makes me the sweatiest person in the world

well i mean that’s just an inconvenience, right?

nope, bc i have an issue that is exacerbated by excessive sweating, so i can’t sweat too much, either.

(i also have ANOTHER issue in the same area as the previous issue that is only solved by direct contact with a heating pad, which as you might imagine, CAUSES HEAT AND SWEATING which EXACERBATES THE OTHER PROBLEM so that one in particular has been super fucking fun to navigate)

okay then i exercise inside

well there’s not really anywhere to do that, everywhere is too small, and i ALSO sweat INSIDE a lot so it doesn’t matter

okay well then--aha! i’ll just exercise in the shower! 

okay great!

it’s working!

wait why are my feet randomly seizing and in terrible pain while i’m walking arou--oh right. EDS. and exercising without shoes is. bad. 

okay well i just need to start working on my EDS and take it easy right?

okay except i can’t do the physical therapy/muldowney method bc when i started, it caused a lot of bladder and pelvic pain that got worse w stress.

and i’m trying stress management but everything is a fucking nightmare.

i had to stop PT so that i’d stop feeling like i had the world’s worst UTI whenever i got remotely irritated. 

and turns out that’s bc i have an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder

so until i figure out what that is...i can’t do anything for my EDS...or my MCAS...so i’m just stuck taking 2 zyrtec every day and topping up with benadryl hoping that i can breathe and stop getting hives

and that i can exercise and feel good and be happy, but also still manage to walk around without extreme pain

hahaha. ha. 

i hate everything. 

i’m literally covered in hives. all over my face neck ears and scalp. everywhere. they’re unstoppable. fucking. fuck.

oh wait one more

so i have steroid cream that works to get rid of my hives for the most part

but it’s like playing whack-a-mole bc more just pop up in place of the ones i got rid of 

and then what’s more

i can’t really put them on my scalp

bc my scalp sweats so much (bc lol i also have to use dandruff shampoo) so it runs the risk of hurting me

bc i had to put some on some hives that were vaguely near but not on my eyes, and bc they were hot and/or sweaty recently before i put the cream on, my skin burned for two days straight

no relief to be had

so now i have to be careful abt what i put the steroid cream on to get rid of my hives

bc there are no antihistamines that’ll get the job done

ALSO my right wrist has recently decided to be fucked up so i keep losing circulation in my hand and fingers while i sleep, which seems to be getting slightly better, but i can no longer do one of my EDS tricks bc it seems to be pinching nerves when i do it? i’ve only tested twice to see if there had been any change. 

so it’s just like

okay

i have no idea how the fuck that happened or when or why and i can’t seem to fix it by using braces, or stretching, or ANYTHING.

incredible.

[edsheerankinnie]

VENT INCOMING! (religious)

feel free to skip, im just having a moment😁

Ok so im of abrahamic faith, and my dad just gave us one of his end of the world lectures/sermons/lessons/whatever, and like i am shaking and trying not to cry, and i dont wanna be alive anymore, suddenly it feels like im back in summer 2017-2018 where wed get these fucking talks every day almost, and the worst part is i cant seem to dissociate from it anymore (must be the meds lol, and they wonder i have mental health issues). and it sucks bc I’ll be searching for online spaces where ppl are experiencing smth similar so it’s not like I’m alone in this right? but for some reason it’s all either “Ohh religion helps me w my anxiety, here’s some prayers” or just ex christians being like “yeah that’s a thing”. Like no, I don’t want ur fucking prayers, I already tried those and they won’t work, and I’m not trying to be an atheist either. And god forbid I look in Other religious spaces bc ppl in my community are fucking insane for some reason. So now I’m just stuck here n can’t even complain abt ur bc my parents/community either tell me to pray the anxiety away or r like “but why are u scared? It’s not scary, all we’re saying is that the world is gonna end tonight” like what the FUCK do h men that’s not a big deal??? Mf I’m young, I’m supposed to have a ducking life ahead of me ??? And u think it’s no big deal bc ur probably gonna be dead by then??? Why the fuck would u bring me into the world then if that’s how u see it??? Like what, do u want me to k!ll myself?? I already haven’t been doing too well lately even with my meds, I’m not in the right fucking state of mind to be listening to this end of the world shit. And we had to listen to him yap for an HOUR, now I can’t even relax or even forget about this whole thing, it’s left such a bad aftertaste on my psyche, I don’t know anymore, I feel like I wanna die now, I’m too upset and scared and hopeless to live anymore.

anyways rant over I think, thanks if u read this far lol, k promise I’m ok!

#vent #religious trauma #religion #mental health #mental illness #Depression #Anxiety #I’ll take advice idk