#helen writes meta

[theseerasures]

no i am not back

but an age ago @typeoneninja poked me for a V9 prediction post that i got a bit into before getting distracted by idk the vicissitudes of life and now i technically Know More but also technically Do We Truly Know Anything, Really

so in lieu of that here’s a collection of musings based on what we’ve seen so far halfway through the season--mytharc and theme related, yes i know Ruby is heading towards impending breakdown yes i know the Bees are gonna have sex in their castle on a cloud yes i know on Remnant everyone has gathered in a circle to throw pebbles at Winter Schnee

the name. Ever After as in happily ever after, as in the way fairytales end--or rather, how we know the storyteller is done telling a story, because “ever after,” in itself, does not convey an end but perpetuity. from an in-universe standpoint and they lived ever after is basically Salem’s curse, and now we have confirmation that nothing really dies in Ever After the place. on a metatextual level and they lived ever after becomes something else: a declaration that the people in a story live on and persist, even after the story is finished and the storytellers--like say, Alyx, or a pair of Brothers who declared a world should be Like So--have left. we already have multiple instances of RWBY going “uh Alyx why did you leave this out/wow Alyx things changed a lot after you left” for that second bit, but to return to the whole nothing really dies thing

Ascension. they don’t die but they do...that, when they break or wear out finish what they were made to do, and through that process remember what they wanted to be and find their purpose, which could be the same or different from before, with memories...in flux, since the heart apparently remembers. i guess we could call it, uh. a Semblance of memory? and not just in a punny way, because the Semblance is also an externalization of the soul and presumably, what the heart remembers and wants to be. i find it interesting is that they call it Ascension but it...sure as hell LOOKS like death, which our heroes even comment on: the Herbalist is buried, which we know most familiarly as a death rite. there’s also the contrast between what they call it and what actually happens: they ascend by going beneath--that is, by descending, and every example of ascension we’ve seen thus far has involved regression. a King becomes a Prince, RWBY is confronted with their pre-Beacon selves. still, whatever pops out after Ascension is a...refinement of identity, however the previous iteration wants to define that. but it’s also not entirely up to the previous iteration as we see with the Herbalist, because

the heart. his heart was too weak to listen, which the Curious Cat fixed. so we have the idea that a weakness of heart is related to stasis and denial, and Ascension being connected to co-existence and communication, but not necessarily equal to it: CC also gave the Prince a lil bit of their heart with no Ascension necessary. the giving of the heart is very reminiscent of the smaller, more honest soul idea, but also interesting is how Ever After seems to run on trading and deals, while CC’s heart is freely given. they don’t seem all that worried about running out, which on the one hand is a very wise and mature way of thinking about things, but at the same time CC doesn’t seem all that worried about ANYTHING, except maybe

the Jabberwalker(s). of which there is supposed to be only one. thanks Neo! according to Curious Cat getting eaten by the Jabberwalker means you CAN’T ascend, which okay: on Remnant there is death, but there are also aberrant creatures who live without souls, led by a queen who never dies. and in the Ever After there is no death, EXCEPT for this aberrant creature who will cut off the normal cycle of rebirth. they’re opposites but also they’re the same, because Ascension or rebirth isn’t possible without leaving something behind even if you don’t call it dying. at what point does consigning a person to stasis mean the same thing as consigning them to life, Ever After? at all points and none, is probably what CC would say, but all this coupled with Ascension being (as far as we know) a kind of going forward by going back means the boundaries between life and death, un-life and un-death, real and not real are blurrier than ever, which obviously brings us to

Summer Rose’s Scabbard Axe Rifle Thing. not sure about y’all, but i’d been working with the idea that because RWBY’s (well. WBY’s) weapons seem to be the ones that fell with them and Crocea Mors is still its broken ass self the part of Floating Array they encounter was also the result of it falling during last season’s showdown. the collection in the Blacksmith’s forge muddies the waters somewhat, because that’s...probably not Summer’s actual weapon, unless Ever After is superhell after all. so fine: this literally confirms what we all kinda knew already, which is that Ruby hasn’t found Crescent Rose yet because she doesn’t WANT Crescent Rose to be found. but what else can be made of the weapons in the Forge? the ones we saw all belonged to people who “left” in some way: Summer and Penny died, and Alyx left the Ever After. so the weapon is the Remnant of one’s identity--what is never truly lost? the Blacksmith offers Ruby a choice of the pickings, so presumably a choice of new (old) identities, which again just sounds like Ascension, especially with the whole butterfly motif. with that offer comes the idea that Ruby can set her burdens down, which read one way means “if you pick one of these up it will result in your burdens being gone,” but given the deal-driven nature of Ever After, it could also mean “you can have one of these, in exchange for your burdens.” it’s possible then that the Blacksmith got these weapons as the result of previous exchanges. or it could be just Rubyvision, since we know she sees weapons as an extension of identity--but not burden, because that can still be exchanged. either way, Ruby turns the offer down on the basis that she already has a weapon, which could have been a proud declaration of her autonomous self, but she hasn’t tried very hard to look for Crescent Rose either, so what she wants is...uh, not-identity. or oblivion. and THAT sounds eerily like what might have happened to Summer.

taken as a whole: Ever After may not be tied to the Brothers but is definitely tied to Remnant, and not just in the sense that Remnant’s people keep gatecrashing Ever After’s party--there’s a thematic symbiosis going on here. Alyx and our heroes traveled to the Ever After, ergo it is real. and Ever After is real, ergo Alyx and our heroes can travel to it. that doesn’t necessarily mean Ever After is wholly outside of the Brothers’ purview though; it could be another remainder after the Brothers’ sundering of the world. like Remnant, only this time the Brothers discarded and discounted it entirely. they assumed its death, but the truth is that it lived ever after.

#broke: ever after is the afterlife #woke: ever after is the afterlife of a world #(it's not the same but it also is pyrrha where aaaaaare youuuuu) #rwby #helen writes meta

[staliaqueen]

Okay I just started rewatching The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe and it’s really reaffirming how well the train station scene establishes the characters — specifically Edmund, Peter and Susan. 

They’re all upset about leaving, and Edmund’s natural way of expressing this is through complaints. Immediately, Peter jumps to scold him. Then his mum tells him to listen to Peter and tries to kiss his temple, but Edmund evades it. It seems so cold at first, but it makes sense, because Edmund reacting this way to his mother’s affection is about so much more than him being grumpy and mean. Edmund feels overshadowed by his siblings, and his biggest conflict is with Peter. He just expressed not wanting to leave London and missing their dad in his own language and Peter scolded him for it, like he always does. Now, his mother hears this, but instead of defending Edmund, she sides with Peter, telling him that he needs to listen to his brother. No matter Helen’s intentions with this line, to Edmund, it reads as her affirming that his place is second to Peter. She’s saying what he thinks of himself, and what he thinks everyone else thinks of him, too: that Edmund belongs in the shadows behind Peter. That Peter is right and Edmund is wrong. So he treats his mother coldly, because in his eyes, that’s how she just treated him. He probably regrets it soon after. 

Then she hugs Peter, and tells him to look after the others. The responsibility of taking care of the entire family falls on his shoulders. He promises that he will, and every choice he makes from there on is grounded in the fact that he thinks it’s the best way to take care of his siblings. Helen turns to Susan, and tells her to be a big girl, influencing Susan to try and act as adult as possible. During the entirety of the movie, Susan is basically playing a game of “What Would an Adult Do?”, which puts her in conflict with Peter when they disagree on the best course of action. 

It’s kind of sad how everything the older siblings do to keep the family together is exactly what’s tearing them apart. 

#it's not surprising that i spent the most amount of time on edmund #also normal people just rewatch their favourite movies i pause 5 minutes in and writes an essay on tumblr #narnia #the chronicles of narnia #tcon #the lion the witch and the wardrobe #edmund pevensie #peter pevensie #susan pevensie #helen pevensie #meta #narnia meta #edmund meta #edmund pevensie meta #peter meta #peter pevensie meta #susan meta #susan pevensie meta

[asha-mage]

WoT Meta: Prophecies, Fated Lovers, and Robert Jordan's knack for finding the nuance underneath the myth

One complaint I've never understood about the way Jordan writes romances is the persistent claim that he over uses the 'prophesied love' trope.

In part for me, I think it's a little bit folks not seeing the forest for the trees. WoT is fundamentally about the relationship between myth and reality: the place where the fallen angel meets the disgruntled academic, the bitter accountant, and the man who never got over being too short. It's a story where the messiah is real and dealing with chronic pain and PTSD from his stigmata. Where a legendary High Queen has to deal with both marching armies to the apocalypse, and the irritating banal realities of being pregnant at the same time. Of course Jordan digs into the idea of prophesied love- it's a huge theme in folklore and mythologies the world over. Jordan wants to dig into what it really means for there to be a person out there that you are destined to be with: that is a match for you, decreed so by the universe itself....and that you get absolutely no agency and choice in choosing. If anything Tumblr, which adores the 'red string of fate'/'soulmark'/'soulmates share pain'/'world is black until you look into your soulmates eyes' (to name a few of the more prevalent ones- some of which Tumblr practically invented), should be super on board for the parade of fated lovers to be found in WoT. It's nothing short of baffling to me that their not more fondly viewed.

And I think that is tied to the follow up complaint: the criticism that Jordan 'uses prophecy love as a replacement for a romance arc'. But that is something that is just. Patently untrue.

Cause the thing is that is how soulmates are often used...in the majority of soulmate au fanfics you find here and on AO3- an excuse to get the really hard part (two characters realizing they are right for each other and love each other, then having the communication skills to articulate that so they can start a relationship) out of the way, so the author can focus on the fluff or angst or other part they and the audience want to get to. And that's fine! But that's not at all what Jordan does. Just like he does with the Prophecies of the Dragon, or Elaida's fortellings, or even just most of Min's viewings- Jordan takes the idea of the prophecy soulmate, this person decreed by some higher power to be Perfect For You and being right about it, and digs deeper, shining it in different lights and attacking it from different angles. Jordan gives the concept of the soulmate teeth, explores the spines and the sharp points of it: is it real love if it's fated and not your choice? Can you trust your own feelings, or are they fate's design working against you as surely as Aphrodite worked against Helen or Eros against Apollo? What is it like, to see someone one day, and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that you would love this stranger? This question mark? This wildcard?

Rand's relationships with Min and Aviendha, as well as Mat and Tuon's courtship are great examples of this conundrum. Min and Aviendha have completely opposite reactions to the same information that demonstrates their unique strengths and weaknesses as characters and people, while Tuon and Mat's courtship is all about two people who know they will marry trying to figure out what that means, without ever confronting the reality of those prophecies directly.

Min, as befits a Seer who has learned time and time again that her viewings can not be changed, has resigned herself in an almost fatalistic fashion to all of them, and to loving Rand no less. Min knows that she, and two others, will love him, and she accepts its inevitability the same way she accepts Colavere's death, or Logain's glory, or the shattering of the White Tower. What is, is, and there is no sense or point in struggling against it. What concerns her a great deal more is what she doesn't know- she doesn't know if Rand will love her in return, she doesn't know the identity of the other two women who will love him, and she doesn't know if he will fall in love with one or both of the others but not her. Add to that Min's own insecurities about how she stands out and doesn't fit what her society deems 'proper', between her crossdressing, and her offputting manners, and it makes perfect sense that she's worried about making Rand love her. She doesn't mind sharing him- she hates the idea of being in love with a man who doesn't love her in return, of being stuck like 'Elmindreda' of the stories, sighing and pining endlessly for a man instead of being able to act, to take control of her own fate. 

So she takes control: she learns to flirt from Leane, works hard at making herself desirable, and also indispensable: with her visions, her advice, even just her emotional support to Rand when he otherwise has no one else. The irony is that whenever Rand thinks of Min prior to her return to his side in LoC, it's about how much he liked her earthy honesty and lack of wiles: how she was earnest and made him feel at ease, and didn't 'spin his head like a top'- and that's still what he loves about her after they get together: the fact that she isn't fooled by his front, that she sees him clearly and refuses to be driven away the way so many others are so easily. The point is that Min never had to change, and in the ways that matter she didn't- she only thought she did because of her own fatalism.

Contrast that with Aviendha, who, after learning about being destined to fall in love with Rand, does everything in her power to prevent that outcome- because she is a warrior, a soldier, who has never yet met a problem that could not be killed, endured, or retreated from. Aviendha values nothing so much as her honor and her word- she has promised to keep Rand safe for Elayne and what greater act of dishonor could there be in that situation then not just failing in that promise, but despoiling (and she does view it that way) said man herself? So she is awful to him in the hopes of poisoning the well of affection or at least keeping him far enough away that she is never tempted. Aviendha hurls contempt and anger at him, berates him, does everything short of trying to stab him in an effort to make him hate her, and it doesn't work. Despite all her efforts to keep her thorny wall up, they are literally made for each other and can not help but be drawn together time and again. Despite all her efforts to insist, to him and herself, that she hates him, she can not hide entirely that the opposite is true: that she likes him, sees his strength and courage and resilience, and is a little in awe of his generous kindness. 

This is why she vacillates wildly between wanting desperately to get away from him in The Fires of Heaven, to not wanting to leave his side: they are two planets caught in each other's gravity, with about as much chance of escaping each other. When she resorts to the last recourse of a soldier- retreat- and runs headlong into a blizzard that would surely kill her, Rand follows to try and save her life and she can deny the truth that she loves him no longer, nor can she resist taking him, even knowing that to redress that balance, she will one day have to offer her life to Elayne (as she attempts to do in LoC)- though fate still has other plans in store.

But in many ways the apex of this, the relationship that really shows Jordan's deconstruction of this trope, is Mat and Tuon. Before they ever lay eyes on each other, each is given a prophecy that they will marry the other: not that they'll love each other, not that they will be able to trust each other, not even that that will like each other: just that they will marry. And their strange courtship is a result of this knowledge, as each attempts to suss out the other, to try and understand them without ever overplaying their own hand. Each believes that the moment they admit their prophecy they will destroy any chance of real connection or understanding.

To Tuon, if Mat learns he is destined to wed her he gains something she can not abide: power over her, leverage that could be used to subvert her own plans and visions- because nothing matters more to Tuon than control, especially over herself. So she keeps her 'fortune' secret and tries to figure out: What will it mean to be married to Mat? Will he be a pretty trophy? A liability? A threat to her Empire? Will she have to kill him once she gets her heirs?

To Mat, if Tuon learns of his prophecy, she gains the power to take away his freedom, to snare and collar him and bind him to her, because that's how Mat deep down views marriage: as a binding cord, a loss of freedom, and nothing matters to Mat more than freedom. So he keeps his *Finn gained knowledge secret and tries to figure out: What will it mean to be collared by Tuon? Will she she treat him as a pretty and plaything the way Tylin did? Will she try to use him against Rand and the Westlands? Will she make him a slave and sent him to be beaten anytime he disobeys her? Will he have no choice but to fight her one day, this woman he is going to swear to spend his life with? Will he have to kill her the way he did Melindhra, and carry that guilt of mariticide on top of all else?

So the two stay in their strange limbo, because as long as they don't admit it out loud to the other, they can pretend they are still two people forced together by happenstance, and (each thinks) they can continue to try and understand and figure out the other, to find out where this inevitability of their marriage will really leave them, and if there can be even the faintest possibility of love in such circumstances. And that limbo- that protracted refusal to act as if they are under fate's direction- is what allows them to build a genuine bond of trust and respect for each other, and to start seeing the other person with the clarity that love requires. All this, so that when Tuon finally does play her hand, and reveal the truth....it's obvious they've long since fallen in love with each other (even though Tuon won't admit that to herself), and come to trust each other (even though Mat won't admit that to himself).

And the thing is- all of Jordan’s prophecy romances are written like this: from Egwene seeing that loving Gawyn might be both their downfalls in LoC and seeking him out anyways, to Perrin misinterpreting the 'falcon and hawk' viewing and thinking Faile is a danger to him when she's the love of his life, to Galad and Berelain not even being AWARE they’re fated to fall in love and just....do, at wild first sight (Another classic folklore/mythology trope). They also never find out:  always remaining unaware that the Pattern had long since decreed that they would be together and being incredibly funny/annoying about it. The prophesied love is an example of classic Jordan: taking a common, maybe even ubiquitous premise, and asking those complicating questions that allow him to write it as something much more nuanced and interesting and fascinating. And he gets no credit for it, send tumble.

#Wheel of Time #WoT #Robert Jordan #WoT Meta #Wheel of Time Meta #Min Farshaw #Aviendha #Rand al'Thor #Mat Cauthon #tuon athaem kore paendrag #randmin #avirand #mat x tuon #matuon #WoT Book Spoilers #TOM Spoilers #I wanted to write more about some of the other Fated Lovers pairs in the series but this already got insanely long

[anthruser]

ill someday write a meta about Lip x Helene x Monica if i have energy cause i rarely see people talk about how Monica affected Lip and was the only kid who never faltered under her. and how Helene's presence was a very fucked perception of what he wanted + carnal desires. Lip, my man, you are one fucked kid with fucked circumstances. ill write about you someday.

#shameless #shameless us #shameless tv #helene #lip gallagher #monica gallagher #shameless meta #mommy issues

[hamliet]

Syzygy, or Animus and Anima: Weiss and Jaune

Anima-Animus anon, here is your meta. I genuinely do think Weiss and Jaune are one of the best literary examples I've seen of animus and anima, respectively. This is not inherently a shipping meta, although you could read it that way.

Of note: I did talk about Jaune and anima before here in a larger meta about his arc, and about Weiss and animus here. But I want to talk about their arcs because they are complimentary, and really encapsulate how to write anima and animus pretty perfectly.

So let's go over it. What is anima? What is animus? How is Jaune one of Weiss's animuses? How is Weiss one of Jaune's anima? And what does this mean thematically for their arcs and the work of RWBY as a whole?

Jungian Archetypes

I have a whole meta on Jungian archetypes in RWBY. But I just want to quickly go over some of them because I'll use these terms in the meta.

Persona: the part of ourself we present to the public. It's usually somewhat fake, or at least societally acceptable.

Shadow: the part ourselves we repress because we do not want to acknowledge the parts of us that are selfish, hurting, weak. End goal: integration with the shadow and accepting that these are parts of you. In literature, the shadow is often negative or antagonistic if embodied in a character, because facing it requires facing character flaws. However, only by integrating with the shadow do we start to heal. It's necessary to become a complete person. Associated with the Black stage in alchemy, and with Blake.

Anima/animus: the feminine/masculine within ourselves. This can overlap with the shadow in some ways (for example, men often don't want to admit that they're weak). Anima/animus can be positive and negative. Associated with the White stage in alchemy, and with Weiss and Jaune. You don't have to interpret it as romantic, but it often is.

Self: The Self is the end goal of Jungian psychology: achieving individuation, or the fullness of being who you are and knowing your role in the world. Associated with the Red stage in alchemy, and with Ruby.

Syzygy: the union of anima and animus.

Lastly, I want to disclaimer about the terms "masculine" and "feminine" here. Jung was writing at a time when gender binaries and roles were very much a thing. Of course they apply less today (and RWBY deliberately plays with some of these, as we'll see). But when I use the term "masculine" or "feminine" in this meta I mean in the traditional sense Jung is talking about. Masculine=bravery, physical power, fear of the weak. Feminine=beauty, emotions, kindness, etc. Please note this is clearly oversimplified and I am not endorsing this, just explaining a pattern that Jung pointed out in regards to literature.

Jaune and Anima

Between anima and animus, anima is more likely to be romantic in fiction. That's because Jung associated anima with something he called Eros (Greek for romantic/sexual love). A man's anima is also almost always one person at a time. This is not the case with animus, as we'll see.

Hence, the two women associated with Jaune's anima are Weiss and Pyrrha.

The previous meta I did on Jaune's arc makes a strong argument that Pyrrha firstly embodies his anima. She almost perfectly goes through the first three of four stages of anima in regards to how Jaune views her, which are:

Eve (mother)

Helen (romantic interest)

Mary (religious devotion)

Sophia (wisdom, guide to the inner life)

I would also argue that Pyrrha embodies Sophia too here, but the living Sophia is also Weiss. Sophia is Greek for "wisdom," and both the official RWBY Twitter account and the show itself make the connection explicit for us, with the Curious Cat calling Weiss "wise Huntress."

But it's also deeper than just stages here. Jaune's entire arc is about the rejection of toxic masculinity and the embrace of his own role as maiden. Only through becoming a Maiden (in other words, embracing the feminine within) can he become a Knight (the man he was meant to be).

Jaune As The Maid of Orleans

Jaune's allusion is, of course, Jeanne d'Arc. He has a feminine allusion, which tells us to expect his integration with the inner feminine. Joan of Arc was also know as three things:

A spiritual guide to France in wartime

A soldier/knight

A maiden

In real life, Joan of Arc was dismissed because she was just a girl... until she started actually winning battles and her predictions came true. God or not, there's something really powerful and intriguing and eerie about her story. Joan of Arc referred to herself as "Jeanne la Pucelle," or "Joan the Maiden."

But what is a Maiden? In Joan's time, it literally meant "virginity," because there was a prophecy that France would be restored by a virgin. In other words, her virginity was a strength--spiritually, at the time period, her going to war with men yet maintaining her virginity was seen as a sign of righteousness (yes, it was very anti-sex).

In RWBY, a maiden is also hardly a weakness. No, a Maiden is a specific type of power.

It's also associated with martyrdom.

Jaune has had special relationships with several of the Maidens in the series: firstly, Pyrrha, who chooses to kiss him (a nice pro-sex commentary honestly) before dying as a Maiden even though the power had not been transferred to her. Pyrrha ends up a martyr like Joan of Arc, but her legacy, like Joan's lives on. Pyrrha embodies what Jaune should become.

Penny, of course, dies as a martyr too. She is stabbed by Cinder and there isn't time to save her. Jaune, who defines himself as a healer thanks to his semblance, has no choice but to kill her so that Penny stays in control of her destiny. It's tragic, but like Pyrrha, it isn't empty.

Of course, Cinder has now killed Jaune's first love interest, tried to kill another (Weiss), and then made Jaune into a killer via stabbing Penny. Hence, Jaune and Cinder are also linked, and the message of what a maiden should be, and what destiny is--the message Pyrrha carried, the message of choice embodying destiny that Penny carried--is something I suspect Jaune will give to Cinder before the end.

Still, all of these incidents, the three big alchemical deaths of the series--Black Death, White Death, and Yellow Death (Crocea Mors)--involve Jaune and specifically switch the gender of what you would expect from a hero.

The Knight is supposed to protect the Maiden. Instead, the Maiden kisses Jaune and locks him away to save him while she fights Cinder. Jaune is supposed to protect the Maiden, but she (Weiss) gets impaled precisely because he couldn't get over his previous failure to save Pyrrha. This time, though, he saves Weiss.

The thing is, though, that healing is traditionally a feminine attribute. Hence, Weiss lives and Jaune heals because, symbolically, of his ability to embrace the inner feminine.

Lastly, the Knight is supposed to save the Maiden. But instead, saving the Maiden looks like becoming the monster himself, like becoming his shadow (which Cinder is). It shatters his sense of self, as we've been seeing throughout Volume 9.

If a Knight is also a dragon killing a maiden, who is he?

Jaune As The Rusted Knight

Jaune's sword is broken, and he intensely clings to this persona of "knight who saves" the entire volume. But by intensively insisting on saving the Paper Pleasers, he doesn't realize he's repeating what Ironwood et al did to Penny: refusing to allow them their own right to choose their destiny. He also fails to save Alyx.

Jaune's "knight who saves" persona has been a key part of his character since the first season. He cheats to get into Beacon because he wants to be a hero and carry on his family's legacy. He's embarrassed to be so weak, but the only way to become strong is to rely on women. Team RWBY, Pyrrha, even Nora and Ren (who don't fit gender stereotypes themselves).

Pyrrha literally trains Jaune. Notably, whenever Jaune relies on male advice, he fails. In fact, his knight persona is precisely why Weiss doesn't like him at first (not just romantically; like, at all.)

Weiss: (separating the two) Jaune, is it? Do you have any idea who you're talking to?

Jaune: Not in the slightest, snow angel.

Jaune: I don't understand. My dad said all women look for is confidence! Where did I go wrong? (accepts Ruby's offered hand and uses her to lift himself back up)

Yang: "Snow Angel" probably wasn't the best start.

Jaune's confidence and understanding of women coming from his dad instead of like, actual women, means he's going to make an arse of himself. And he does. At first.

But, Jaune starts to integrate with the feminine through not just Pyrrha training him physically, but also through doing things like dressing up as a princess and going to the dance like that to honor his word to Pyrrha. He gets closer to Weiss by talking to Neptune about feelings rather than by impressing her through feats of strength. He then saves her life via delving into a traditionally feminine power. And in the end of Volume 9, he is restored to his young self via Alyx, the girl he thought he couldn't save.

Weiss and Animus

Oh boy, animus.

Okay, so... Jung did not write nearly as much about animus as he did about anima. Supposedly that's because he's a dude and recognized that he could not actually experience animus. Fortunately, his wife Emma wrote a lot about it, as did some direct colleagues (like Marie-Louise von Franz) who specifically applied animus to its portrayal in fairy tales.

Animus differs from anima in a few key ways. The centrality of the concept--that it's the masculine within a woman--remains the same. However, animus:

is not usually limited to just one person at a time like anima;

doesn't follow stages nearly so neatly (they exist but are a bit... debatable)

is not inherently based on Eros, or a romantic understanding. No, instead animus is based on Logos.

What is Logos? Logos is literally "word" in Greek, but the actual usage is more akin to "mind" or "spirit." Weiss, of course, is a mind character. It can also refer to the principle of the matter. In other words, a woman looks for her masculine traits in a principle she holds dear.

Jung himself said:

The male personification of the unconscious in the woman — the animus — exhibits both good and bad aspects, as does the anima in man. But the animus does not so often appear in the form of an erotic fantasy or mood [as the anima often does to men]…even in a woman who is outwardly very feminine the animus can be an equally hard and inexorable power. One may suddenly find oneself up against something in a woman that is obstinate, cold and completely inaccessible.

Weiss as Princess Snow White

Weiss starts off possessed by her negative animus, the Logos or principle.

What is animus/anima possession? It's specifically a negative manifestation of the animus (or anima) wherein someone behaves overwhelmingly like their masculine side--but in a negative sense. In other words, for Weiss, this looks like a persona of toxic masculinity.

Possession caused by the anima or animus presents a different picture... The animus is obstinate, harping on principles, laying down the law, dogmatic, world-reforming, theoretic, word-mongering, argumentative, and domineering.

I kinda do think this sounds like early-volume Weiss. But it also sounds like... Jacques Schnee.

See, the animus is also often a reflection of a woman's father. Even though Weiss is determined to prove herself without her father's influence by the start of the series, we also see that she is in some ways behaving like him. Of course she's not nearly so ruthless or bigoted, but she does maintain some prejudice about faunus, maintains entitlement (demanding to be leader of RWBY), tells off Ruby for accidents, etc. She's denying her femininity.

But then her development starts, and with this, her animus changes. Who are her animus?

Well, as I said above, animus has multiple presentations, and for Weiss they're specifically unique... because some of them are women. Make of that what you will, shippers and headcanoners. I'm not just going off of nowhere in saying that I think some of Weiss's masculine animuses are women, either; I'm specifically talking about it in regards to Weiss's allusion of Snow White.

You can find numerous fairy tale analyses with animus/anima interpretations. Snow White is one of the most obvious ones. But Weiss's Snow White is genderbent... mostly. Except for her.

See, in the Grimm version of the fairy tale, Snow White's father is alive. He just does absolutely nothing to stop his wife from abusing Snow White. In this story, Willow, Weiss's mother, is the absent one, doing absolutely nothing to stop Jacques from abusing her children. As a result, we have the Shadow develop--in the fairy tale, the Shadow is the Evil Queen. In Weiss's story, it's Jacques. He is who she doesn't want to be, but does have similarities to especially in her persona.

Snow White then meets nine other men. Yes, there are a total of ten male characters, and they are all aspects of animus. In the original Snow White fairy tale (reference this analysis), we can break it down as such:

Absentee dad

Huntsman

Seven Dwarves

Prince

In this, we can see slow progression of Snow White's integration with her masculine side.

Firstly, it's denied to her (she's completely out of balance) because her father refuses to take any action and is never mentioned again.

Secondly, the Huntsman takes action and spares Snow White from the queen, but also doesn't exactly help her. He sends her off into a dangerous forest to fend for herself.

Thirdly, we see reciprocity finally appear. Snow White helps the dwarves, but they also help her. It becomes a mutual relationship in which she learns from all seven of them.

Lastly, Snow White is revived thanks to the prince, who marries her as an equal.

When we compare this to Weiss's arc, we see similarities. Willow is absent, denying her what she needs. Then, Winter play the role of the Huntsman, helping Weiss forge her own way to a degree but still leaving her to rely on herself when she could maybe use a bit more help.

Thirdly, Weiss meets RBYJNPR: her seven dwarves. She learns how to be herself, learns who she is, in great part because of them.

Lastly, this volume we have her developing an attraction to Jaune, whom she knows and who has revived her. She gets to be fully Prince and Princess.

What About Stages?

The stages of animus, when they exist, are loosely defined (as in Jung himself didn't actually say this, but is often attributed as having said it) as:

Tarzan: physical power

Byron: man of action or romance

Lloyd George: man as a professor or orator

Hermes/Mercury: man as a spiritual guide

If we look at this through the lens of Weiss's arc, we do see traces of these. The physical power Weiss is attracted to is embodied in Winter and Pyrrha. I mean Weiss specifically calls out Pyrrha's physical strength when she meets her:

Weiss: So, Pyrrha, have you given any thought to whose team you'd like to be on? I'm sure everyone must be eager to unite with such a strong, well-known individual such as yourself! Weiss: This will be perfect! The smartest girl in class combined with the strongest girl in class! Together we will be unstoppable! I can see it now! We'll be popular! We'll be celebrities! We'll get perfect grades! Nothing can come between us now!

The man of action/romance is embodied in the Rusted Knight persona, and in Neptune, who is notably a giant flirt.

As a professor or orator, I would actually say there are many here. Klein, of course, reminding her who she is. Then there is Robyn, who is probably the most obvious orator in the story. Also Ironwood. Basically, thanks to Robyn having the election stolen from her, Weiss helps take down her dad. As a result, her mother returns to her (the feminine returning) and she is able to get Whitley to help save them all (integrating the masculine).

We also see a little bit of this later on with Jaune, in that Weiss expressly says she admires his maturity.

The technique of coming to terms with the animus is the same in principle as in the case of the anima; only here the woman must learn to criticize and hold her opinions at a distance; not in order to repress them, but, by investigating their origins, to penetrate more deeply into the background, where she will then discover the primordial images, just as the man does in his dealings with the anima.

We're not quite there with Hermes/Mercury, and I would bet that Jaune won't fully become gold or a spiritual guide unless he, well, has something to do with saving Mercury Black. The allusion is too literal not to be used.

Weiss as Knight

Weiss has always been a knight in addition to being Snow White, a maiden princess. Weiss defeats a knight-like creature (Arma Gigas) in the White trailer, and then goes on to be able to summon Arma Gigas as part of her semblance thereafter.

She's exceptionally talented in combat. In fact, the person Jaune calls to save Pyrrha when she's gone to fight Cinder is Weiss. He begs her to save Pyrrha, and Weiss promises him she will.

Sadly, just like Jaune in his attempts to be a knight, she can't, but not for lack of trying.

Later, in Volume 5, we see Weiss receive a power up that comes from her soul (another word for anima). The knight imagery becomes even more part of her semblance, as @aspoonofsugar has written. Notably, she summons Queen Lancer (literally referring to both the maiden-princess and knight archetype) after Jaune heals her in Volume 5. In other words, it's part of her integration with Jaune.

Then, Volume 8 happens, and Jaune again tries to rely on Weiss. He insists to Penny that "Weiss will buy us time" to heal Penny. And she would have tried (and probably died). But Penny tells Jaune that he's the one she needs to do something brave. It's his time to be a knight.

Weiss similarly expresses confidence that Jaune would have done the best he could after she arrives at the Ever After, unaware that he's fallen, too. Even as they go through the Ever After, Weiss affirms her Logos: herself, which is defined by her heroism and her failures.

Weiss: I don't know who you think you are, but let me tell you who I am. I am the granddaughter of a hero and the child of a villain. I am a citizen of a fallen kingdom and an heir to nothing. I will not be defined by my name because I will b e the one to define it. I am Weiss Schnee, and I am a Huntress.

And then we have the finale of Volume 9. Here, Weiss is the one to give Jaune words of wisdom, to encourage him after the Paper Pleasers return as jewels and Jaune realizes that he was not only holding them back, but holding himself back (literally, Jaune, despite being older, has not grown at all emotionally; he's stagnated. He's not a 40 year old in a teen's body; he was a teen in a 40 year old's body). Weiss tells Jaune what she told her younger self:

Jaune: I wanted the rush of rescuing someone, and I got that here.

Weiss: I think you're asking too much of yourself. We've been telling ourselves that failing means we're no good. But I can guarantee even the best Huntsmen in history? They've all lost. But they were still incredibly brave. And good.

In response to this, Jaune starts to cry (a traditionally feminine trait!), and Weiss asserts again what her Logos is: being a knight and a maiden, being brave and good, even when that means you can't save everyone.

So then they fight together, again.

But it's another reversal. The princess, instead of being saved by the knight, almost kills the knight with fire in a scene that comments on what happened with Pyrrha, Jaune saving Weiss, and Penny.

Integration of Knight and Maiden

What's interesting about the Pyrrha-anima-animus connection is that it is Weiss who introduces Jaune to Pyrrha in the first place. Weiss wants to be Pyrrha's partner, actually. She deeply admires Pyrrha, as shown as she says about her and Pyrrha in that first meeting:

Nothing can come between us now!

What immediately comes between them is Jaune. Literally.

But it's not Jaune coming between them in an icky two girls can't get along because of a boy love triangle way. No, instead it's the three of them united because of their relationships with each other.

In that same scene, the very first, we have Weiss literally asking Pyrrha to intervene and get Jaune away from her by throwing her spear... which she does. The symbolism of Weiss asking Pyrrha to throw her spear into Jaune is uh. It's Freudian. Let's leave it there.

In fact, Jaune's feelings for Pyrrha start to develop as a result of her training him physically and encouraging him about his crush on Weiss. Hence, Weiss has been a part of Jaune and Pyrrha's relationship since the start of it; all three of them have an inextricably intertwined relationship.

Then, when Pyrrha says goodbye to Jaune and kisses him, it's right before shoving Jaune into a locker, the same as the ones she met him in front of. This time, when Jaune's in trouble, he calls Weiss--understanding that he needs someone else to save Pyrrha, and trusting that Weiss can do it. Jaune calls Weiss, because she's a knight. Unfortunately, she can't save her.

In Volume 5, Jaune saves Weiss precisely because his grief over Pyrrha contributes to Cinder impaling Weiss. Pyrrha is central to Weiss and Jaune's bond. Pyrrha and Weiss have always been intertwined as Jaune's anima, and if they do end up going with romantic White Knight, they would never have happened if it weren't for Arkos.

While I often see early-volume!Jaune's feelings for Weiss dismissed as shallow, I don't think they actually are. I think they're immature, sure, but look at what he tells Ren about Weiss:

It's Weiss... I'm completely head over heels for her, and she won't even give me a chance. She's cold, but she's also incredible. She's smart, and graceful, and talented-- I mean have you heard her sing? I just wish she take me seriously, y'know? I wish I could tell her how I feel without messing it all up.

Jaune clearly always did see the actual Weiss, not just her beauty, physical strength, or name. Yes, he was initially attracted to her persona, but the undercurrent was always real. Even Snow Angel.

The problem is that Jaune could never be with Weiss if he remained in his Knight persona, expecting her to take the princess role. No, instead, they both have to be knight and princess.

Knight and maiden have never been more clearly integrated than in Volume 9's portrayal of Weiss and Jaune. Jaune is the legendary "Rusted Knight." But, he turns out to still be a Maiden literally waiting around a tower/house for rescue in the form of Team RWBY.

When the Jabberwalker comes, Jaune and Weiss fight together just like Bumbleby fight together; this is explicitly paralleled. (Also, Weiss kind of ignores her fighting partner, Ruby, which contributes to Ruby's feeling lonely; this isn't inherently wrong because they like, needed to stop the Jabberwalker, but it still, well, is, and is also emblematic of Ruby feeling left behind).

During this fight, Jaune tosses his sword to Weiss, who expertly wields it despite it being broken and then gives it back, therefore symbolizing that Weiss can be the knight, that she can be the masculine one, and letting her do so is actually not emasculating for Jaune. Instead, it's realization of his potential in being both knight and maiden.

(And, let's not get into the very very basic Freudian symbolism 101 of a woman using a man's sword.)

The Maiden, instead of being saved by the knight, almost kills the knight with a baptism of fire.

In fact, in Jung's own writing on the philosophical tree (yes, really), he notes this:

The lapis signifies the inner man... the natura abscondita which the alchemists sought to set free. In this sense the Aurora consurgens says that through baptism by fire "man, who before was dead, is made a living soul." ... The genuineness or in-corruptibility of the stone is proved by the torment of fire and cannot be attained without it. This leitmotiv runs all through alchemy.

What is funny here is that Jung uses "lapis" here to mean the philosophical stone, which is most commonly called a ruby. But it can be a sapphire, or apparently a lapis lazuli. Go google the color lapis and tell me that that is not exactly Weiss's dress color.

Like Joan of Arc, Jaune is consumed by the fire. He is coagulated after the dissolution of the Paper Pleasers. But instead of coming forth as ashes, he comes forth as gold... with some growth still ahead and with some white streaks in his hair, symbolizing integration with the feminine (white=feminine in alchemy and Jung).

So where do Weiss and Jaune go from here? Jung provides a clue:

“Just as the anima becomes, through integration, the Eros of consciousness, so the animus becomes a Logos; and in the same way that the anima gives relationship and relatedness to a man’s consciousness, so the animus gives to a woman’s consciousness a capacity for reflection, deliberation and self-knowledge.”

C.W. Vol 9. Part II: Aion. The Syzygy: Anima and Animus

Both Jaune and Weiss have done this for one another thus far, and will continue doing so. Neither Weiss's nor Jaune's arcs are entirely over, either: Jaune still needs to fully embody the spiritual guide, and Weiss needs to embody wisdom and they are both so close but still have a bit more to grow.

#anima #animus #rwby meta #white knight #weiss schnee #jaune arc #pyrrha nikos #arkos #jung #alchemy #a bit #rwby #rwby volume 9

[dyinglikeastar]

I'm not good at meta but if I were I'd write about how Justified, Raylan vs Boyd specifically, is such a perfect example of how having the support of just one person in your corner can literally change your life. And I just. Yes. That is exactly how it works. When Boyd says, "when Raylan went off to college and the Marshals, and I went off to Kuwait." Yep. That's how it works! Raylan had only one person who wanted to see him live a better life who gave him very little money to get out, but he did and he made it all because he had that one voice telling him he could do it, encouraging him, wanting more for him.

Something tells me Boyd didn't have that. We don't know much about his backstory, but I feel like it's reasonable to assume Boyd likely had the opposite of that, a family that actively encouraged or pushing him to stay. Things that also stick out to me are the way Boyd and Bo have some semblance of a relationship compared to Raylan and Arlo, and the fact that Boyd had a brother as well. Essentially, he had family. After Raylan's mother died there was no one for Raylan to feel responsible for or even miss, aside from Helen who was the one who encouraged him to leave. It would have been a lot easier for him to make that decision to leave his home behind than for someone with a life and family like Boyd had. This isn't to "woobify" or excuse anything of course. I just really appreciate that bit of the narrative about it a lot. Raylan himself argues with someone once when they mention that he managed to get out and he tells them he thinks it mostly had to do with luck and I really like that line because yeah. Living in poverty, dead mother, abusive, alcoholic criminal for a father, and two thousand dollars to his name? I'm glad he knows how fucking lucky he is that he managed to escape and make something of himself instead of following in Arlo's footsteps because yeah, he 100% was.

#half assed meta #justifiedfx #raylan givens #boyd crowder

[belle-keys]

Iliad Retellings, for better or worse

Today I bring you some retelling's of Homer's Iliad. Not all of these are particularly great, but I believe in a certain context, every one of these books can be enjoyable based on what you’re into. When I say “Iliad retelling”, I mainly refer to the general plot of Homer’s epic, but also as it pertains to ancient plays about the same epic by Euripides, Aeschylus, and Sophocles.

The Silence of the Girls by Pat Barker

This is a feminist retelling of Homer’s Iliad from the point of view of Briseis and Achilles which focuses on the experiences of the enslaved women of the war. Look out for rape and slavery as major topics, and know that neither Achilles or Patroclus are the good guys in this book. This is my utmost favorite retelling of Homer's epic- it's raw, engaging, and adds something new to the story. Note that it draws more on Euripides' works than Homer's.

The Women of Troy by Pat Barker

The sequel to The Silence of the Girls, which focuses on what happens to the various women after the Trojan War and is told from the point of view of Briseis and Pyrrhus. It's basically a retelling of The Trojan Women by Euripides, and it analyzes the legitimacy of Pyrrhus' slaying of King Priam. It's like a very lengthy epilogue to the first book, but it's super introspective and was a relatively quick read.

Elektra by Jennifer Saint

This is based on Orestes, Iphigenia, and Electra by Euripides and Agamemnon by Aeschylus. It's about what went down during the war between Elektra, Clytemnestra, and Cassandra (favorite woman) and how Agamemnon's actions and overall shittiness ties them all together. Multiple POV book that's told in a way where it ends semi-anticlimactically, sure, but it's a book I've been waiting for because of how much I love these specific characters. Got daddy issues? This one's for you.

Wicked Beauty by Katee Robert

Sigh. So, this is an extremely loose romance and erotica retelling, and it’s a ménage-à-trois between Achilles, Patroclus and, get this, Helen. The plot is juvenile, the writing is overly simplistic, and the worldbuilding is ridiculous. But! There are two redeeming qualities about this. The first is that it’s quick and indulgent if you just wanna read something that’s not serious. The second is that Patroclus has an actual personality and isn’t just there to be Achilles’ shadow, which I liked.

A Thousand Ships by Natalie Haynes

A feminist retelling of the Trojan War and its aftermath from the points-of-view of several of the women/female figures involved in the war: Briseis, Helen, Calliope, Cassandra, Hecuba, Andromache, Iphigenia, Eris, etc. The storytelling is non-linear, so each chapter feels like its own complete mini-story that details a certain aspect of the war. Of course, we get a lot of meta-commentary on Homer’s Iliad since the muse herself and some goddesses get POV chapters.

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

You know this book, I know this book, we know this book. This is the story of Achilles’ life and death told from the POV of Patroclus. It’s also the story of their specific relationship, and it covers a lot of details about Patroclus and Achilles’ youth, Achilles and his relationship with his mother, all the angsty stuff that happened after Patroclus died. I have issues with this book so it’s not exactly a favorite of mine, but overall, there’s good writing here and its also very quotable.

#the iliad #homer #ancient greece #trojan war #tsoa #achilles #the song of achilles #the silence of the girls #troy #tagamemnon #greek mythology #greek retelling #cassandra of troy #book recs #book recommendations #book blog #bookblr #books and literature #classics #greek #madeline miller #helen of troy #dark olympus

[spoilerbracket]

Round 3: Bracket 3

Our last two women on a murder island. They are conflicted! They are from a genre pastiche! They resemble paintings! They are characters you can't really talk about at all without giving away a major plot point in a murder mystery, no matter how much meta you want to write! But who's the blorbo you can't talk about the... most? Least?

If you'd like to confirm who you're voting for, the characters' names are listed below the cut. Given that this is the quarter-finals of a spoiler tournament, expect, y'know, spoilers.

Left/first option: Sayo Yasuda from Umineko

Right/second option: Helen Brand from Glass Onion

#round 3 #umineko #umineko no naku koro ni #when they cry #glass onion #umineko spoilers #glass onion spoilers #polls

[catwingsathena]

5, 19, 21 for the writing meta asks?

Thank you for the ask, friend! You sure do know how to pick these, huh 😂

5. What character you’re writing do you most identify with?

Thinking about the Jailbreak Squad, it’s funny, because Jon, Mike, and Karolina are the three I tend to relate to (and project on) the most, but like… in extremely different ways, because they’re very different people! And yet the things they do have in common are very much places I can relate: smart, stubborn, intense, autistic, nerdy, and incapable of doing anything with less than 110% commitment. There’s… I don’t know how to say it, a directness to them? Almost a purity, though not at all in the moral sense. What I mean is that they are what they are at all times and at full volume. You know they’re not being manipulative when they talk to you, not because they’d have any issue with it on principle, but because they’re just flat-out incapable. Sincere by lack of other options. Which is SUCH a me mood. It’s not that I wouldn’t lie to you, I’m just really bad at it…

19. Is there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing?

Thistle, you know the answer to this question. You know all of the many answers to this question. However, as per your request, I will expose my faults to the world, because I love you and it will objectively be funny.

My characters breathe to express emotion way too often (this becomes especially annoying when I’m writing about characters who don’t need to breathe) (confession time: I established early on in A World of His Own that Jon still takes deep breaths to calm himself, even though he doesn’t need to, because I knew some would inevitably slip through even if I tried not to have him do that, so I decided to just give myself an excuse). In particular, people take deep breaths, or deep, shaky breaths, or deep, shuddering breaths… you get the picture. Like many writers, I overuse nods and head shakes. People also say or do things slowly a lot. (As you would imagine, people in my fics nod slowly far more often than they should.) I’m much too fond of the words “wry” and “rueful,” which probably says as much about the kinds of characters I gravitate towards as it does about my writing, but still. People “give” expressions or sounds (“she gave a shaky smile”) instead of just doing them. I do, in fact, overuse the phrase “in fact” in that particular construction. There’s more, but that’ll do for now.

As for tropes, plots, characters, et cetera… sorry, disclosing my word choice sins on this webbed site was quite enough oversharing for one night :)

21. What other medium do you think your story would work well in?

I’ve definitely imagined some Jailbreak Squad comics! You could do super fun things with perspective for the Vast people and Helen’s corridors, I bet, and Helen would have a great time interacting with panel boundaries/sound effects/etc. and ambiguously breaking the fourth wall. Jon is also an occasional fourth wall breaker, and you could do some really cool playing around with text boxes for him, I feel like? Incorporating speech into the images in various ways, having an entire panel background that’s just words, that sort of thing. I actually have some little scenes in my head as comics, including but not limited to “may the gods ensure your suffering,” “go to horny jail,” “SoL,” “squeaky,” the carnival not-date, and the Pacific Rim movie night idea we were talking about. I also think Do Not Ignore the Mermaids (for everyone who isn’t Thistle, Harriet and Oliver’s first meeting) could be FANTASTIC as a comic.

Once again, thank you for the asks, my dear! Hope my answers were satisfactory 🙂

#answered asks #my writing #tma au #the jailbreak verse #thethistlegirl

[thetypedwriter]

Trust Book Review

Trust by Hernan Diaz Book Review 

In keeping with tradition, I have once again read a book that I wouldn’t normally due to my boyfriend’s family’s annual Thanksgiving book club. Last year, we read The Personal Librarian by Marie Benedict and Victoria Christopher Murray. I found it lacking in characterization and wanted to like it more than I did. 

This year’s book is Pulitzer Prize winner Trust by Hernan Diaz. Once again, I find myself inexplicably reading another book set in New York and revolving heavily around finances (a subject I could care less about).  

Trust starts off by telling the story of a high-brow New York couple. As characters, they are both terrible. The novel spends an inordinate amount of time with Helen’s backstory, describing her manipulative and attention-seeking mother and her crackpot father who continually regresses into his convoluted dogmas.

Helen eventually marries finance mogul Benjamin Rask whose apathy allows him to completely focus on finance and nothing else. 

As a couple, they come to an arrangement where Benjamin can focus on his Wall Street deals while Helen’s world revolves around music, the arts, and philanthropy.

This all starts to go downhill when Helen slowly starts losing her mind, eventually leading her to a Swiss sanatorium (the same one her father died in). Here she undergoes experimental electroshock therapy approved by her husband that leads to her painful and sudden death. 

As soon as you’re left gaping and finally hooked as a reader, Diaz switches the narrative on you completely and suddenly you find yourself reading a half-completed biography for someone named Andrew Bevel. The shift is confusing and unwelcome.

It took me over 100 pages to get invested in the Rasks and their life only for it to be whisked away. Additionally, Bevel’s biography is banal. Filled with copious amounts of history, name-dropping, and financial advice, I found myself drowning in boredom. 

Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, the narrative shifts once again, this time to the most interesting story. The memoir by Ida Partenza was the savior of this book for me. It clarified that the original story, the many chapters on the Rasks, was actually a “book” by author Harold Vanner on a real life couple named Andrew and Mildred Bevel.

Bevel, a living, breathing money mogul, is disgusted by Vanner’s fictionalized rendition of him and his wife and tasks young Ida Partenza to write his biography, the second section of the book by Diaz we had read previously. 

The memoir by Ida goes back in forth in time itself, with the young Ida interviewing, meeting Bevel, being chosen to write his biography, and leisurely coming to idolize him, all in contrast with future 70-year-old Ida who is looking back on her life, her choices, and the influence Bevel made on her while reading through Mildred’s files. 

I honestly wish the entire book had just been Ida’s memoir. It was by far the most interesting and most lucid part of the novel, tying everything else together and contrasting time periods within the narrative itself. 

Lastly, the fourth and final narrative switch comes in the form of Mildred Bevel’s diaries, depicting not the end of her life due to mental illness, but due to cancer.

Her diary entries range from abstract and philosophical to more poignant reflections on her life and her relationship with Andrew. 

It was a fascinating way to end the novel as a big question throughout the entire story—and the mystery plaguing Ida—is what truly happened to Mildred and who she really was as a person.

Trust turns out to be a meta-fictional story with shifting POV’s and unreliable narrators. While the beginning was a tedious slog, the ending with Ida and Mildred’s journals made this end positively for me.

I liked the puzzle of a story immersed in another story and I think reading a book about a couple and then reading about that couple is tricky to write and captivating to see unravel. 

A part of me understands that this complex meta-narrative is why Diaz won the Pulitzer Prize. However, another, larger part of me still thinks that even though the ending was twisty and clever, the beginning was so droll that it’s unbelievable to me that he won anything at all.

A strange observation I made while reading was how little dialogue there is in Diaz’s novel. You get close to none of it until Ida’s memoir (another reason it’s the best section), which is mind-blowing. 

Everyone knows that dialogue moves the story along, provides characterization, and is intriguing to read about. Having close to zero dialogue until nearly 300 pages in is ludicrous in my opinion.

The beginning pages of Trust are so incredibly difficult to get through (which I understand might be the point if the book was supposed to be bad), but the book was supposedly a bestseller in the meta universe of the day! 

It makes no sense to me unless that’s how novels were written in the 1920’s New York society circles (which also doesn’t seem to add up), so none of it makes it an appealing read to someone ingesting it in 2023. 

Additionally, as a writer myself I’ve been taught to try and capture your reader early on, to get them hooked on your story and your characters. Diaz did the opposite.

His beginning was so slow and his characters so mundane that it was an active turn-off for most of the experience until the very end. 

I applaud his ending, his enveloping storylines, and his untrustworthy narrators, but the 

beginning still haunted me all the way until the end. I fully admit that I’m biased towards YA and the things I enjoy, mainly good characters and interesting worlds, but excellent protagonists and charming settings don’t have (and shouldn’t be) the domain of YA alone.

It should be the goal of every good book, especially a Pulitzer Prize winner, to have all of the things that make Trust great in addition to characters I come to love, a world I can immerse myself in, and action that takes my breath away. 

Recommendation: Every time I read an adult novel, especially one chosen for something as prestigious as the Pulitzer Prize, it makes me realize why I appreciate young adult literature and how difficult it is to actually interweave action, dialogue, characterization, and plot while still maintaining the reader’s interest.

It’s an incredibly challenging thing to write and accomplish, something most YA writers learn to perfect. 

While Diaz’s novel might have won the Pulitzer Prize, and he crafted an interesting meta-story by the end with interlacing plot points and narratives, his lack of dialogue, trite characters, and chunks and chunks of dry writing made most of this book a chore to get through rather than an award-winning delight for me. 

Score: 6/10

#trust #hernan diaz #book blog #book review #book recommendations #book rec #popular fiction #books #popular books #top books #favorite books #book recs #pulitzer prize #meta fiction #unreliable narrators #6/10

[theseerasures]

two questions going into the finale, and some possibilities for answers:

how can the Curious Cat go to Remnant?

it's clear that certain rules have to be followed--rules which seem to contradict. in rough chronology of how CC might have figured them out:

it has to be someone from Remnant. self-explanatory.

it has to be someone who WANTS to go back. Jaune was in the Ever After before Alyx and Lewis and (given how CC remembers all the way back to this world's sundering) CC probably knew about him before they encountered him with Alyx and Lewis. but at the time Jaune didn't want to leave, because he had to look for Team RWBY.

conjecture: it has to be someone who promises to take them along? this seems to be the operating theory with Alyx and Lewis. CC keeps harping on how ALYX said they could come, and how ALYX tricked them in a way they took very personally. would also explain why CC couldn't have just left with Lewis when Lewis left. so: Alyx promised she was leaving, and she could take CC, but then Alyx didn't want to leave, which in CC's mind also broke the promise. at this point it doesn't seem like possession is part of the plan to leave; they use the expression leave WITH.

humans are tricksy and change their minds, so CC will possess them to make sure they keep their promise. unclear on how CC knew how to do that, but the description we get is similar enough to how CC describes giving Herb a piece of their heart that it seems like an evolution of their power.

conjecture: starting with Alyx? it definitely seems like CC attacked Alyx in some way after Lewis leaves to try to MAKE her leave (and take them with her). that didn't work either, because...

sub-conjecture 1: like Neo, Alyx has no attachment back on Remnant? which seems impossible given her brother just went back there, so

sub-conjecture 2: the possession didn't take? because it seems like CC can only possess someone who is heartbroken and bereft of purpose--someone who needs to Ascend--and it seemed like Alyx already had a new purpose, and CC couldn't override that. which explains why it's so pressing for them to break Ruby out the tree before she gets a new purpose, too.

Ruby is the best chance for them to go to Remnant. Alyx wasn't a suitable vessel (and the process might have "broken" her in some way), and Neo is, but Neo has no reason to go back to Remnant. Ruby--before Ascension--fulfills both criteria, partly thanks to CC working her over this season. and CC obviously doesn't want to start from scratch because a) it's a lot of work and b) no one trusts them anymore.

what feels unresolved, to me, is the conundrum where once CC possesses someone, the vessel's identity--and presumably their attachments--are overwritten by CC's own, and it's clear that CC's own attachment to the Maker(s) is not enough to send them to Remnant. Neo is by all parameters an Afteran at this point, and CC doesn't think that will be true of Ruby, but i'm not as convinced. in fact, i'm not convinced that ANY of these rules are real; they could be as artificial as Jaune's schedule for the Paper Pleasers: crafted by CC in an attempt to circumscribe a world doesn't make sense. it's possible that the Gate, like the Tree, is a place you go once you are ready.

who will emerge from Ruby's cocoon?

well--Ruby, obviously. in much the same way Penny emerged from her old bodies, Ruby will be Ruby no matter what happens. wherever you go, there you are. WBY has pretty much confirmed it. but there are some gradations when it comes to what of herself Ruby gets to, or will WANT to, keep. CC said that Ascension doesn't work "like that" for people from Remnant, which is misleading at best and an outright lie at worst, so how will it work? and how will it stack up against other examples of reincarnation in the show (i.e., Ozma, the Maidens, Penny?)

HERE, I MADE A GRAPH:

(to be clear: i mean "evolution and regression" as discrete stages of being as determined by a previous incarnation. that's why Oscar and Cinder are at baseline, because their relationship with their previous incarnations is contested/nonexistent.)

(Herb doesn't have lines after his Ascension, but i assume from the imagery that he metamorphosed positively.)

touching on the extreme ends of each axis:

extreme one: Ruby returns with full memory. CC wasn't lying, EXACTLY, because Afterans don't come back with memories except those of the heart and for people from Remnant it's more like...when the Doctor regenerates. thematically appealing because it underscores how there is no easy way out of being yourself: Ruby's arc is ongoing, and the only way she can get that heart forged Fullmetal is through. she pops out with not much being different except probably a Vacuo-ready outfit, and has to reckon with both her own bitterness that this is all she gets, and reactions from her teammates in the way Renora got to react to Jaune in Volume 6.

extreme two: Ruby only remembers what her heart does. CC is a lying liar and Ascension works exactly the same. she's still Ruby at her core, but she doesn't have concrete memories of WHY she's like this. thematically appealing because Ruby has always been so burdened by the context for her existence, and here's her chance to be without that, only to find out that psych!!! she ends up speedrunning to become basically the same person. a side writerly perk would be it would heighten our hero's "out of the loop"-ness when they go back to Vacuo. interesting in terms of character dynamics as well, because WBY would still NEED to react to all this, but have to wrestle with whether this new Ruby deserves that, and with how much of a person's core is made up of their memories anyway. it'd be very Steven Universe, but...Ruby WILL need those memories back at some point. we've been following this version of her for too long.

extreme three: Ruby Ascends to become the person she always wanted to be. hey, apparently next episode is going to be really long! maybe she figures it out, or at least makes some in-roads toward it. it's not about attaining perfection--Penny's human form was decidedly imperfect--but about intent. Ruby never asked to be made, and now she is making herself. the possibility for evolution is there: the Paper Pleasers Ascended with a conscious, particular want, and they got exactly that. Herb's intent wasn't as clear, but presumably now he is better at helping people in the way he wanted. in order for that to happen, though, Ruby has to figure out what she WANTS, as opposed to the growing list of what she doesn't want.

extreme four: Ruby takes the easy way and decides to reset into Summer/her Beacon self/whichever. i'd certainly sympathize if she did. Ruby doesn't know what she wants, because she's never been allowed to want much of anything, and the Afteran with the closest dilemma to that was the Red King, who "couldn't cope with losing" and so defaulted to what he decided was most important, which was winning. in a way this extreme horseshoes back to the previous one: this would still be what Ruby WANTS to be, just...toxic. which, y'know: could be fun! and echo Jaune's whole deal this season. it would also be a huge bummer to end the season (and likely the series) on, but hey--that's the Atlas arc for ya.

#rwby #helen writes meta

[saiilorstars]

Ch.30:  The Round Up

Pairing: Barry Allen x OFC

Current Masterlist | Previous Story

Pronunciation of OC: Bell-en. The last syllable has an emphasis so it’s not pronounced like ‘Helen’ would be.

Taglist: @ocappreciationtag​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @arrthurpendragon​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @anotherunreadblog​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @maaaaarveeeeel​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @stareyedplanet​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ @foxesandmagic​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

[If you’d like to be part of this OC’s taglist, let me know!

It was a dark night when Earth 2's metahumans would decide to attack right in the open. Maybe it was their strong belief that they wouldn't be caught, or maybe that it would simply be more fun to mess around together under the dark night. Either way, it didn't work. All around, there were reports that the Flash had returned and was cleaning up the city from the new dangerous metahumans.

But now it was the other way around.

The Azalea was missing.

The news was quick to report that Zoom had taken the Azalea right in front of the CCPD. It seemed to the city like they could never have all of its protectors together but it would have one additional member ready to help again.

Black Orchid swooped down on a pair of metas throwing a park bench into a fountain — God knew what type of fun they could be having from doing that — and swiftly knocked them down with a thick vine. For good measure, she wrapped the pair up like cocoons, leaving behind only their faces free. She stormed over to them and placed a foot over one of their bodies. "Where's Datura?" she demanded. The two metahumans exchanged glances with each other before both bursting into laughter. Black Orchid made a show to press her shoe deeper into the meta's body, forcing that obnoxious laughter to cease. "I didn't make a joke. I asked a damn question so answer it. Where's Datura?"

"No idea!" the other metahuman finally answered. "She's been M.I.A. ever since she brought us over to this world."

"And Poison Ivy?"

"Who knows!"

Black Orchid removed her foot just as a gust of wind struck behind her. She turned sideways to meet Barry's gaze. Without saying anything, she shook her head. Barry's jaw clenched. He didn't waste another moment there. He sped the two metas out of the scene to their new home in the pipeline.

~ 0 ~

'Some people are calling it the metapocalypse, the days when Central City was overrun by an army with powers beyond imagination. But in these dark times, we must never forget our own strength, our own power to fight back. That it is only in the blackest of nights that we can truly see the light... and know for sure we are not alone. We are never... ever... alone.'

Nina's eyes fervently finished reading the day's newspaper and lowered said paper to see Iris on her bedside. "Love the title, hate the reality."

Iris took the criticism (although not meant for her) with a small shrug. "A lot of our articles this week has to do with that unfortunately."

"Wonder why," Nina pushed herself to sit upright on the bed. She was still under watch for her stab wound but was making normal progress in her condition.

"That and the missing people and the obituaries," Iris added with a sigh, her shoulders slumping. She'd been tasked with some of those fatal stories and it was killing her to write about the innocent dying at the hands of Zoom's metahumans.

"Is that what they still think happened to Belén? That she's just missing?"

Iris nodded silently. "Yeah." During these times, the story wasn't so drastic. And that was sad. Despite the conflicts that Belén was having with CC Pictures, the latter still cared for her safe return.

Their silence was brokered by the sound of Barry and Shivhan returning from their latest metahuman hunt. Neither Iris nor Nina needed to ask them anything to know how successful their mission went.

"You should be resting," Barry said to Nina after catching her trying to shift from her bed.

Nina scoffed. "Cut the crap, I'm the doctor here. I know what I should and shouldn't do."

"No need to argue here," Shivhan told the two with a cautious air in her voice, "We're all on the same side."

The tension between Barry and Nina stemmed from their own individual guilt about Belén's capture. If Barry hadn't been in the Speed Force, he wouldn't have let Zoom take Belén and in turn if Nina had been 'stronger', she would've put up more of a fight. Both guilts — as each of the others stated — were completely misplaced. Shivhan had her own guilt to handle. It was a terrible situation to come out of the Green because the Green itself commanded her to return and help Belén. The whole reason she'd even been in the Green for such a long time was to help protect the people Belén wanted to look after. Shivhan never imagined that it would be this moment that Datura would choose to make her play.

"I have looked everywhere and I just...I can't," Barry felt ashamed that he was letting Belén and Caitlin down. He said, he promised, he would find them and yet here he was empty handed.

"There has to be something we're not seeing," Nina said after a moment. "You don't just hide two grown women in a city like this."

"Well, maybe that's it then," Iris said, earning herself several looks. "We can't account for Zoom because we don't really know him but we know Belén. Datura is Belén therefore we can assume that she thinks like Belén."

"No she doesn't," Barry snapped, utterly offended on behalf of Belén. Datura was far from being Belén. His Bells didn't think murder — she didn't think about hurting people.

"Hold on, Iris may be onto something there," Shivhan rested a hand on Barry's arm. "Fundamentally, their core is the same. Little stuff can be the same. What's Belén's thought-process like? Like...is she complicated?"

Barry sent her a flat stare. "Far from it. She likes things plain and simple. She likes mysteries but she doesn't like a whole elaborate plan. But she likes tricks, so…" he paused a moment, "She has to be hiding them under our noses. The last place I would ever think of." It actually worked for both doppelgangers when Barry got to more thinking. Belén like things simple and Datura liked playing harsh games. Wherever she was keeping Belén, it had to be somewhere close to Belén but still supply Datura with a smug victory. A pleasurable victory knowing she was hanging Belén right in front of them.

Barry felt his body tremble. He absolutely despised Datura.

~ 0 ~

Datura took a sharp intake of breath after smelling alcohol. She nearly busted heads with Caitlin who had swabbed a damp cotton under her nose.

"Where the hell am I!?" the dark-brunette blinked rapidly.

Caitlin slowly helped her up to her feet. "You're here, in Mercury Labs. Don't you remember?"

Datura scrunched her face when the alcohol became too much. She shook her head and looked around, seeing no Belén in the room. "The doppelganger!? Where is she!?" she frantically began to search under tables and around them.

Caitlin was having trouble figuring out what was going on. "You can't...you can't remember, can you?"

Datura stopped and sideways glanced at the woman. "WHERE. IS SHE!?" Caitlin flinched when the woman stalked up to her. "WHERE!?"

"P-Poison Ivy took her! Remember!?" Caitlin managed to answer between the shakes. "I-I don't know where because you said it was a secret!"

Datura let Caitlin go and thought for a second. "I think...I think I don't remember."

"You don't….?"

"I-I know where Poison Ivy took her, but I...I can't remember asking her to," Datura ran her hands through her hair, obviously frustrated with herself. "Why can't I remember? Why…?"

Caitlin actually felt sorry for her. "Um, it's...it's part of your condition. You're beginning to have blackouts due to the other...uh…"

"People in my head?" Datura tapped her temple.

"Yeah…" Caitlin nervously bit on her lip. "It's your DNA's way of coping with all the alterations it has to go through. By removing you - the host - it creates a temporary space for other powers to take control."

"How pathetic am I," Datura shook her head. She leaned against the table to take a breath.

"In extreme cases you'll start to pass out."

"Oh, great."

Caitlin walked over with a cup of water in hand. Datura eyed the gesture suspiciously, like there was poison in it. Caitlin chuckled. "It's the water you gave me earlier so unless you poisoned it for me…"

Datura snatched the cup from her and took a swig of it. She could see Caitlin staring at her with so much caution, concern...

She wasn't used to that anymore.

"I think I'm hitting a break through," Caitlin decided to change topics. She returned to her table and hoped Datura would do the same. "I had an idea from Belén. When she first started using her powers, she had the same blackout episodes you're having now. We managed to help Belén without so much of chemical interference, but…" she stopped when she realized Datura wasn't listening.

She supposed it was just better to finish up.

~ 0 ~

A tall brunette dressed in all black leather confidently walked up to Mercury Labs. She scanned the area and saw it was mostly empty...on the outside. She knew just who was in that building and she couldn't wait to take it down along with a birdy or two.

She emitted an incredibly strong sonic wail. The building began to immediately shake as if an earthquake was striking. For kicks, she added in a second sonic cry and watched how easily the building began to crumble.

~0~

Caitlin fell back against the table opposite to her workspace and banged her head in the process. Everything was shaking. "What's happening!?"

Datura was closer to the door but was still struggling to stay on her feet. "Siren bitch!" she cried out.

"We're going to die!" Caitlin used the table to bring herself up. "The work! It's being destroyed!"

Datura could see that for herself. The work table was almost empty of viable tools. Liquids had been thrown around and beakers shattered. Caitlin yelped and slipped to the side again. She rubbed at her head but saw a piece of the ceiling was crackling, getting ready to drop. Caitlin screwed her eyes shut and waited for her last breath to come to an end.

Datura groaned from her spot and thrust a hand forwards, firing a white streak of energy that stopped the falling ceiling chunk in its spot. "I didn't take you for a damsel in distress!" Caitlin didn't say anything, her shock of being saved by the very woman who was threatening to murder others was too much. "Gravitational pull is always tricky with these powers. It's why I don't use it so much." Suddenly, a flicker of red crossed Datura's eyes. "He's coming," she announced. "We gotta go!"

And so they went.

~0~

Outside, Barry and Shivhan had gotten everyone out in time, including Dr. McGee who'd come to a very close end.

"Thank you, Mr. Allen," the woman kindly said despite the spectacle. Barry did a double-take upon hearing his name but McGee merely smiled. "I'm not stupid."

From a distance, the culprit who stared everything strode away with the biggest smirk. "Boom."

~ 0 ~

"Why is she here!?"

"Because Black Siren happened!"

"What—"

"She killed me, Ivy! She basically just killed me! My cure - the ingredients we had were destroyed when the building came down!"

There was silence after that for all of a minute before someone started to grunt. Caitlin could neither see nor breath at this point. She'd been gagged and blinded with the same strips of cloth. Her hands and ankles were bound together as well, keeping her on the ground, or at least a hard floor.

Datura had saved her alright, but the moment they were out of Mercury Labs, she knocked Caitlin out and brought her to their other hiding place. Caitlin assumed the still body she could feel next to her was Belén's.

"Not now, Caity," Datura had moved over and pulled the gag out of Caitlin's mouth. "I'm a little bit busy drowning in my sorrows."

Poison Ivy was thoughtful in her spot. "You couldn't save anything from the cure?"

"No!" Datura snapped but quickly calmed. "No... it's all gone."

"There has to be something else, maybe you didn't look—"

"Of course I couldn't!" Datura was back to shouting. "The frickin building collapsed! The Flash and Black Orchid were coming and I wasn't gonna risk being caught."

"Okay, then I'll go check right now," Poison Ivy devised the plan and pointed at Datura to stay put. "You look after those two and don't forget to apply the sleeping draught on your dearest doppelganger. We're all out of meta-dampeners so you better make sure she stays down."

Datura nodded for her to get going. She didn't look spirited enough to argue for a better plan. When she was alone, she closed her eyes and did her best to hold herself together.

Caitlin swore she heard small sniffles somewhere along that silence.

~0~

McGee stood in the middle of the cortex subjected to various troubled looks from the rest of the team. It really did come as a surprise that she knew Barry and what STAR Labs actually did.

"Is there anyone who doesn't know about you guys?" Shivhan's question wasn't made at the most prudent time but she was very curious to know of the answer. She liked to think that if Belén had been around, she would've answered with something sarcastic. She would brighten up the mood as usual.

"So how did you know?" Barry finally asked McGee, if not simply to know the answer.

McGee offered a little smile of comfort. "Come on, Barry, I'm a scientist. We're paid to be perceptive. And you're always a little too well informed when things go pear-shaped in this city." She took in notice of the newcomers of the group — Shivhan, Henry, Veronica and Nina in the group. "But I don't believe we've ever met before. Dr. Christina McGee."

Henry shook hands with her first. "Doctor Henry Allen. I'm Barry's father."

"Veronica Green," went Veronica but slightly quieter. As of late, she wasn't much of a talker.

"Oh, David's ex-wife," McGee easily recalled.

"Doctor Nina Clarke, friend of Belén's," Nina said afterwards.

"You're not our friend, then?" Cisco mocked a pout.

"Children," Nina rolled her eyes. "That's what happens when I'm the eldest meta in the room."

"Not by that much," Shivhan sent her a sarcastic look before shifting gazes back on McGee. "Shivhan Jang."

"And where's Miss Palayta? I must say I'm a little biased saying that she's my favorite." Her smile only lasted a minute before she noticed how the others were squirming. Nobody could match Veronica's and Barry's faces, though. She was missing something big. "Have I—"

"Belén is gone for the moment," Barry struggled to put into words. "She and Dr. Caitlin Snow are under Zoom's metahumans' hands."

"Oh, oh, I'm so sorry," McGee said, both to him and Veronica.

"We're going to find her," Veronica stated, although it sounded like it was just a reminder for her. And perhaps it was. Everything already looked terrible when she remembered how she lost her older children. Even more so, things between her and Belén were finally getting better and now she was gone.

"Dr. McGee did you happen to see who it was that caused your building to collapse?" Shivhan asked after waiting for Barry to do so. He spaced out a lot lately too. They needed to start this investigation in order to get closer to Belén and Caitlin.

"I didn't see anything. It happened so fast," McGee admitted with guilt. She wished she could have had a better answer for them. "Plus, to be quite honest with you, the last couple of days have been a bit fuzzy."

"Fuzzy how?"

McGee seemed troubled by the idea but she went on to answer however she could. "A couple days ago there were these...women, they just entered the place, but...but somehow it felt alright. Like...like they were supposed to be there. It was okay."

Hardly anyone understood her. Barry, however, studied her expressions carefully, recognizing some of the...feelings. "Dr. McGee, these women, was one of the particularly special?" he formulated his question carefully.

As he suspected, McGee answered without hesitation, like it was a fact. "Oh yes. She had wild red hair and beautiful eyes."

"Yeah," Barry agreed with a mutter. "When I fought Poison Ivy she used this...this weird controlling trick on me. It makes you physically love her or something."

"Yeah, Bells wasn't too happy about that," Cisco smirked only to receive an elbow on his side courtesy of Nina.

"So if the same trick was used..." Iris started, "...does that mean that...?"

"They've been keeping Belén and Caitlin in Mercury Labs this whole time," Nina said.

"Right under our noses!" Veronica exclaimed with a deep frown. She expected Barry to say something along those lines as well, share her anger, but for some reason he was silent. He was thinking. "What's wrong?" Veronica asked him.

Barry cocked his head to the side. "I get why Datura would want to be there — she's probably using Caitlin to finish up the cure — but it doesn't make sense to keep Belén there too. It doesn't have that...thing that would make it smug."

"Well, even if they were there, they can't be anymore," Henry gestured towards McGree. "The building's been destroyed."

"So there has to be a secondary location," Barry said with all the certainty in the world. "That's where Datura is getting her smug victory from. I'm sure of it."

"Do you think we can get street cameras to see if we can catch Datura leaving the building?" Shivhan looked to Cisco for the answer.

"Maybe!"

"In the meantime, Mercury Labs does have a Crash-Survivable Memory Unit," McGee said, "Perhaps we can use it start somewhere."

Henry shook his head. There were simply too much he didn't understand around this group. "I'm sorry, a what?"

"Virtually a black box for buildings. It will have stored all the security footage right up until the building collapsed."

"You know..." Shivhan folded her arms over her chest, "Mercury Labs just happened to be destroyed when Datura was working on her cure?" Her expression willed the others to see what she was hinting at.

"You don't think Zoom did this...do we?" Iris thought it would be the stupidest decision Zoom would do considering what Datura was. "Would he really jeopardize his precious siphoner?"

Barry suddenly remembered Datura's words from the last time he saw her.

"And you didn't tell Zoom?"

"I'm mad with him."

Datura never said why she was upset with Zoom. Barry never even considered it actually being true. But if it was true...

"If Zoom has a problem with her he won't think twice of disposing her," he said. This could be their opportunity to seize Datura and make her see reason, even if it was under lies. He wasn't opposed to that anymore, not when Datura had shown she wasn't willing to change.

"There may be one more possibility," McGee spoke up with a very different idea. "A few months ago, I saw Harrison Wells running out of my facility. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm certain it was him. Is there any way he could have anything to do with this?"

The man himself appeared to answer the question, with a steaming mug of coffee in hand. "A few months ago? Sure. Now? No."

McGee seemed ready to pass out.

"Yeah, there are a few more things that we could catch you up on, Dr. McGee," Barry cleared his throat. Truth be told, there was a lot they would need to run by her.

~0~

Caitlin couldn't help the flinch her body gave when cold gloves touched her. "What's going on!?" she quickly demanded.

"It's time to go, Caity," Datura said and it took Caitlin another minute to realize Datura was taking off the binds from her wrists and ankles.

"Wh-where?"

"You to STAR Labs I imagine, and me…" Datura pulled her up. "Off to die I guess."

"Wait, what—"

"Don't you dare take the blind off your face until I say so."

Caitlin felt herself be pushed forwards. "No! What about Belén!?" Belén!"

"Oh she's still knocked out. Truth is I ended up liking you more than myself, ha. The irony," Datura gave a small laugh. "I'll let her sleep it off while Black Siren destroys the rest of the city."

"But what's happening? What are you going to do?"

"Pay my last enemy a visit. If I have to die, so does she. Just do me a favor, if Siren bitch does get me, I want to be buried in my world. Now go before I change my mind!" Datura ignored Caitlin's shouts to be returned to Belén's side or to at least let Belén go as well.

~0~

Barry didn't waste a second searching through the pieces of the leftover Mercury Labs. He was soon back with the group holding a rectangular black box in his arms. "Is this it!?"

"That's the one," McGee confirmed.

Barry handed the box to Cisco who carefully put it down for a second. "All right, great. Dad, Dr. McGee, Cisco, why don't you guys crack this open, see what you can find?"

"Sure thing," Cisco gave the box a pat.

"And we'll—" Barry then gestured the others in the room, "—go see what kind of metahuman powers can take down a building like that and how to stop it. Not you though, you need to go lay back down," he purposely said louder for Nina.

"I will never humor you," the woman calmly responded, even smiling for his sake.

"Guys!?" they heard a familiar shout to them. It was hard to believe it was real but when the same voice called again, they accepted it.

They ran out of the cortex, except for Nina and Dr. McGee, to meet Caitlin halfway.

"Caitlin!" Barry reached her first and hugged her.

"How are you here!?" Cisco took his turn next. "I mean, not that we're upset or anything but...how!?" Caitlin mustered a smile at them through clear tired eyes.

"Caitlin, is Belén…?" Barry had little hope for that question to but even when Caitlin gave a sad shake of her head, it still crushed him. She was still out there somewhere, waiting for them — for him — to find her.

"She only let me go," Caitlin said with the reasonable guilt that would haunt her from the situation. "I'm really sorry."

"No, no, it's not your fault," Barry was quick to say. He gently took her by the arms and made her look at him. "None of us are responsible for what Datura chooses to do."

"But I think I am," Caitlin bit her lower lip, chewed on it more like it. "She said...she said that she liked me more than Belén. She chose to let me go."

"Like an echo of your friendship with Bells," Cisco said behind them. "Funny how those work."

"Caitlin, please," Veronica moved forwards, "Where did she take you after Mercury Labs?"

"I-I don't know. She kept me blind for the entire time—"

"But anything you managed to see?" Veronica pushed for a better answer. "You felt?"

"I don't—"

"Something you heard at least!?"

"I'm really sorry—"

"Don't tell me you're sorry!" Veronica exclaimed in frustration. "I just want my daughter back!"

"Veronica," Joe pulled her back. She had to remember that Caitlin had gone through a lot of things as well. Veronica waved a hand at the group and slowly moved for the cortex again.

"We should get you checked out," Barry gently moved Caitlin with him and glanced at his father to see if he was up for the task.

"I'm sorry for not paying better attention," she said as Iris helped her move with Henry.

Barry nodded at her. Of course he understood her. "It's okay. It's not your fault."

Caitlin would try to think he was right but just as she was about to go into the cortex, she remembered something. "Barry..." She reached back for the speedster who was quick (naturally) to come up to her. "There was a-a scent in the air."

Barry would take what he could get. "What kind of scent?"

"Like...like wet dirt…" Caitlin tried to think some more. She didn't spend a lot of time in that place and the little time she had was spent in a haze wondering what was Datura's next play against them. "Yeah, I think it was wet dirt. And...damp too. I'm sorry, I'm not helping much am I?"

"No, you did great!" Barry exclaimed, more than happy about having these clues. Wet dirt wasn't something so common so it would have to narrow down the places Datura was keeping Belén.

~0~

Caitlin sat through her check up with a strong, yet clearly tired, face. It'd been countless sleepless nights after all.

"She's in shock. A little...dehydrated and malnourished, but I think she'll be fine," Henry gave her a small woman after realizing the check up.

"I am okay," Caitlin reassured with a nod. "I mean…I was better when I was with Datura and Poison Ivy."

"So they make good babysitters," Cisco mumbled and earned himself a strange, sharp look from Caitlin.

"You don't know what's happened," the brunette said.

"How did you escape?" Iris was the one to ask. She'd been waiting for someone to ask the million dollar question but since no one did she would do it.

Caitlin gave a light shrug of her shoulders. "It was Datura. She...she just let me go."

"No way," Shivhan snorted. "Datura would never do something like that."

Caitlin understood why they would think it — she would think the same thing if she was in their spot — but she assured them it's what happened.

"Why would she do that?" Barry asked her. Datura never made a decision without purpose. Was this a trap somehow?

Caitlin lowered her head, for some reason finding it difficult to answer. She wasn't sure what the hell she was doing but to be fair she was really tired. Her mind raced with everything she'd lived through as of late. It was complex going through and making sense of it.

And Barry saw it. "You've been through a lot. You should get some rest." Their questions weren't doing Caitlin well.

Caitlin felt like it was the best thing she could do for them and herself right now. Maybe after some rest she would remember more things.

Almost as soon as they were gone, an alarm went off from the computers. Cisco ran over to the desk first and brought up a tab for everyone to see. "Oh no…" he muttered and raised his gaze to the others.

"What is it?" Barry emerged from the side room with a face ready to go. No one needed to answer him. The great big lightning symbole carved of fire across the CCPD was answer enough.

"Barry, don't do it," Henry barely got the words out when Barry sped out.

He didn't hesitate to go right into the precinct, to where his old lab still (miraculously) stood.

Hunter stood across the lab, staring at the board still holding the case of Barry's mother. "You know, I never saw the crime photos of my mother's murder. Well, I guess I didn't need to. I had a ringside seat while you got whisked away. Too delicate, I suppose. Not just a hologram after all, are you, Flash?"

Just looking at him made Barry's blood boil with anger. "Interesting. I know you didn't call me up here just to banter. Let's finish this. Right now."

But Hunter merely smiled at him as if it were just a game. "Actually, I did. I called you up here to tell you you can't keep running from one meta to the next. Around and around, like a dog chasing its tail."

"I'll do whatever it takes to stop you."

"If only that were good enough. 'Cause here's the thing. I know you. I know what's holding you back. You and me... we're really just the same person."

Barry didn't even try to hide his incredibility. "Right. You keep saying that, but it's not gonna make it true."

"You'll see," Hunter wagged a finger at him. "We are. Same tragic background. Same reason for running. Same desire to be the fastest, to be the best. The difference? You think your anger is dirty somehow. You want to be seen as pure, the hero. Doesn't it get exhausting?" he rushed to face Barry. "Doesn't it get exhausting, Barry! It was exhausting playing Jay, believe me."

"I'm not pretending," Barry made the promise.

There was a distant rumbling and when Barry looked out the window he saw one building shaking on its own.

Hunter smiled once again. "Now if it were me, I'd let that building tumble without a second thought. But you, you'll never let that happen, will you? That's why I'm gonna beat you, Barry. Because you always have to be the hero. You always have to save people. You'll make the pit stops to save the building...survivors...maybe a girlfriend in between those…? Or Caitlin?"

It took Barry by surprise that Hunter didn't seem to know Caitlin wasn't even in his clutches anymore. He had trusted Datura and...the woman had betrayed him. She really is mad at him, Barry thought. And that could work for him. For the moment, Barry followed Hunter's game and sped out to help the people in the crashing building.

~ 0 ~

"Zoom doesn't know that his favorite meta betrayed him?" Cisco laughed. "I'm gonna love to see his face when that happens."

"Do we really?" Nina asked from her bed, her eyes flickering from the two men to Caitlin. "I mean, we watched the man kill himself so imagine what's gonna happen when he realizes she let Caitlin go."

Barry leaned back against the doorway of the side room, pretty grim looking. "Yeah. But my main priority is getting Belén out before Zoom figures it all out."

"You have to get them both out," Caitlin finally spoke up. She'd napped for about an hour or so and it did do her body good...but it wouldn't take away her worry.

"Caitlin, these women kidnapped you too," Cisco gave her friend a sharp look. "Even if the conditions were better it was still kidnapping."

"You didn't see what I saw," Caitlin sighed. She leaned back on her chair and nervously bit her lip. "They had me working on a cure and...I saw how Datura worsened."

"So we're supposed to feel sorry for her now?" Nina raised an eyebrow. "Try again."

Caitlin understood it was difficult for the others to accept what she now thought, but she couldn't give up. "She's been having black outs and...she nearly attacked Poison Ivy at one point. I was so close to getting the cure when Mercury Labs was taken down. She could have left me, but...she didn't. She saved me."

"Caitlin, you can't be serious," Nina waited for the others to tell Caitlin how wrong this all was...but Caitlin snapped.

"She knew I couldn't make the cure anymore and she still took me! Look," Caitlin took in a deep breath to begin again, "I'm not saying she's a changed person or that she deserves the sun and rainbows, but she's accepting she's going to die. She betrayed this horrible monster by letting me go. I'm just supposed to forget that?"

"Caitlin, isn't there a chance Zoom was just gonna kill her anyways?" Cisco's gaze averted the sure scolding glare Caitlin would give.

"Barry, help me out," Caitlin shifted to see the speedster. "You wanted to help her. Belén said that you wanted to see if there was still some human decency inside Datura —well, there might be."

Yeah, he did want to see that before. That was before things got worse. "Right now, I really just want to get my Belén," he responded.

"And the way to get to her is to get through Datura first," Caitlin stood up from her chair. "I'm gonna work on that cure right now but we need to bring her in."

"I'm all for bringing her in," Nina jumped in at the chance then added, much to Caitlin's dismay, "...straight to the pipeline. And maybe throwing her ginger friend in wouldn't hurt either."

"Guys," Caitlin tried being rationale. "She's a villain, yeah, but it's like Barry's been saying, she doesn't deserve to die like this. And when Zoom figures out she let me go, he's going to slaughter her. That is gonna be on us." She parted with a definitive face and walked out of the room.

Nina pushed herself up on the bed and began to say how crazy they were acting. "She's a villain. Ask yourselves if this woman didn't have Belén's face would you be cutting her all this slack?"

"Okay, but the point is she does," Barry rubbed his forehead and closed his eyes for a second. "I tried to look past it but I couldn't. I can't punch her, I can't kick her, I can't hurt her. It's literally beyond me."

"Barry, you're a forensics for God's sake! I can't believe we're-"

"Woah…" Cisco had rocked on his feet all of a sudden.

It took little less than a second for the others to realize he was vibing.

"Cisco, what did you see?" Barry asked immediately after Cisco had returned to the present. "Is it Belén?"

"No…" Cisco looked dead confused. "I just...saw a bunch of dead birds…"

"I hate being the oldest one here," Nina mumbled and shook her head at them.

"I have to go talk to Wally," Barry announced, figuring a break would do them well. "Cisco, look into the wet dirt lists again?"

"Definitely, Shivhan was already going through some of them before," Cisco nodded and set straight to work.

~ 0 ~

"Getting ready to smash another building?"

A brunette's darkened lips smirked. Her black leather screeched as she turned sideways to meet her opponent. "How could you possibly think it was my fault?"

"Just a hunch," Datura mimicked her tone. "You basically killed me," she said in a much darker voice.

"Did I?" Black Siren's eyebrows raised up with pure innocence.

"My time might be up but I'm taking you to hell with me."

"Is that now?" Black Siren released a small chuckle. "In your condition?"

"Honey, my condition never stopped me from killing. If I took metas stronger than you, what chances do you have?" Datura's eyes glowered blue with frost. "You're as dead as a dog," Killer Frost spoke through her and started firing ice blasts.

Black Siren jumped to the side and consecutively two more times before retaliating with her deadly sonic scream. Datura was thrown backwards, her head smacking against the road's cement. Blood trickled down from the side of her forehead.

"You really want to push your death date earlier?" Black Siren smirked at the scene. "I'm all happy for it too."

She's going to kill us. Get her! Move out of the way and let us do it! Datura clutched her head and yelped. Voices were overlapping in her head and rising. "Stop it!"

"The great siphoner gone mad?" Black Siren laughed, making the mistake of distraction.

Datura shot bands of electricity towards the woman and successfully hit her. She pushed herself up, revealing golden eyes. "What's the matter?" her voice overlapped with another. "Cat got your tongue?

Black Siren growled moved to stand up. Datura brought her arms back, allowing electricity to surround her hands, and thrust it forwards. The hit never reached Black Siren because of Barry crossing between it. The electricity didn't seem to affect him like it would have to the other woman.

"Did I just charge you up instead?" Datura's lips turned downwards into a scowl. "No matter, I'm sure a little Frost will bring you down."

Barry winced as the last surge of electricity left his body. He shook his head and hoped he was good to go now. Soon as he took sight of his vicinity, he came across...Laurel Lance?

"Laurel…?" he said without thinking.

Black Siren took the recognition with some curiosity. "Laurel Lance is dead. On this Earth, anyways. Poor Black Canary." She raised her gloved hand and wiggled her fingers. "Bye-bye, birdy."

"You knew the doppelganger," Datura rolled her eyes. "Figures."

"And you...know each other?" Barry assumed from their battle that called him in (and away from Wally). He noticed the drying blood on Datura's face.

"You can say that," Black Siren smirked across at the woman.

"This fight doesn't include you, so go," Datura waved a hand at Barry. "I'm just here to close business. For good."

"Bel…"

Datura raised a finger. "Call me that, I dare you." She pulled out a familiar looking pink flower from her jacket. "Does this Azalea ring a bell?" she laughed shortly. "Oh, double pun. I definitely didn't plan for that!" She threw the flower at him. "You can keep it. There's plenty more where that one came from."

Barry pursed his lips and made himself calm. If he angered her, there went his chance at finding Belén. "I know what you did with Caitlin. You let her go on your own…"

Datura's cold demeanor slipped off as soon as he spoke the words. Black Siren, on the other hand, seemed delighted with the news.

"You let the famous Caitlin Snow go?" she laughed and put her hands together.

Barry realized his mistake all too late. Datura was fear-riddened at the prospect.

"I'm gonna enjoy Zoom killing you," Black Siren sucked in a breath and used her sonic wail on her.

Barry clapped his hands over his ears but it wasn't enough to block out the horrible pitch. Datura didn't have the same luck since the attack was for her. She groaned on the ground and rolled over with hands over ears but it wouldn't work.

Barry mustered his will and used his speed to knock Black Siren down. "My bad, was that too loud?" the woman smirked easily jumped back to her feet and strode up to him. "Perhaps we should quiet things down a bit." She threw in a punch followed by a second one, easily putting Barry down. "You know, the sad thing is, I think Zoom's actually afraid of you. And I didn't think that he feared anything." She thrust her boot and hit him straight on the chest. "And you, you're hardly worth the chills. How many metas did he send to try and kill you? Well, it's too bad. He should have just sent me because that way, you would have already been—" Tires screeched as a car knocked her out of the way.

Wally open the passenger's door and motioned Barry to go in. "Hurry up!"

Barry glanced over to see Datura already making her escape, and it looked like she would get away with it. He got in with Wally and let the younger man drive them away.

~0~

Caitlin swabbed away the dry blood from Barry's ear and told him he would be alright in the end.

"What?" Barry still heard a mild ringing in his ears and solicited a smile from Caitlin.

"Why do so many villains that we go against use sound as a weapon?" Cisco muttered.

"So Wally just drove on up into the thick of it?" Joe did good in keeping his anger more or less simmering. "Must have been some conversation you two had, seeing as though he did literally the opposite of what we wanted."

"This I can hear," Barry mumbled to Caitlin but Joe snapped at him.

"It's not funny. I'm in no laughing mood!"

"Look, Joe, I tried. I told you I would try, right? I... Wally's a determined kid."

Joe agree there, just not exactly the way Barry thought. "Yeah, determined to get himself killed."

"Or determined to help people. And be glad, or you know, I would not be standing here right now."

"Well, he was lucky tonight. I don't want to see the day when he isn't!" Joe finished with that and stormed out.

"So who was this lady meta anyways?" Nina inquired, much more interested in the new case than a man who clearly knew what he was doing.

"No idea," Barry shrugged in his seat. "She was fighting Datura when I got there. The two seemed ready to kill each other."

"That mysterious meta does have the ability," Cisco informed them just in case the hadn't realized it yet. "She was just reaching the 200 belps when you got there."

"Siren…" Caitlin mumbled, her mind slowly beginning to turn the wheels. "Black Siren? That had to be her! Datura and Poison Ivy were talking about her. She's the one who brought down Mercury Labs."

"Yeah and she's the one who's going to tell Zoom you're not kidnapped anymore," Barry still felt incredibly guilty on that part. "We've got to find Datura first."

"Good luck with that," Cisco started back to the desk. "Shivhan didn't find any place with what Caitlin told us."

"That's because damp and wet dirt isn't much to go by on," Nina sighed.

Barry stayed silent as he thought about the case. Datura was Belén, in some form, so she had the same mindset. She would give him the answer to his face without actually saying it.

Datura pulled out a familiar looking pink flower from her jacket. "Does this Azalea ring a bell?" she laughed shortly. "Oh, double pun. I definitely didn't plan for that!" She threw the flower at him. "You can keep it. There's plenty more where that one came from."

"Barry?" Caitlin called to him three times before he actually realized. "What is it?"

Barry got up from his stool with a bit of a jump. He was definitely thinking of something now. "She had an azalea with her! She can't make those…"

Even though Caitlin wasn't following, she helped him with another bit. "Belén can't either. She's been under sleeping droughts since she was taken."

"So she had to grab one!"

"Well it's not like those are commonly grown," Nina began to see where Barry was getting at and turned to Cisco.

"I know!" Cisco was already on the computer with a new mission.

"Damp smell? Wet dirt? That's a flower shop," Barry rushed over to Cisco. "How many are there in the city with those flowers?

"Just ten!"

"And I know which one to start with," Barry said with newfound hope. "Tell Shivhan to head over!"

"The closest one is—"

"I know, Cisco. It's Bells' favorite place!" Barry sped out but soon called to Cisco again to ask for the following locations of the other shops just in case the first one struck out.

~0~

Arriving at the shop, Barry figured it was closed down. The door was shut and the insides were covered up. Perfect hiding place for a while. Poison Ivy had to have taken control of the owners.

"Hey," Shivhan appeared behind him. She was already looking at the building for a way inside. "You think this is where they are?"

"I'm sure of it," Barry muttered. "Datura's hiding her in plain sight with an extra punch just for them.

"Alright, how do you want to play it?"

Barry vibrated the lock off the door and pulled it open. He heard Shivhan's quiet 'I guess like that'. He wasn't there to waste time with plans. He knew exactly what he was going to do. He carefully walked inside and took immediate observation of the area.

"Dude, do you see anything?" Cisco called from the comms.

"Nothing yet," Barry replied quietly and moved further inside. "But it definitely smells damp...and dirt…"

Shivhan noticed how unattended the remaining flowers were. Some of them were already dead and others well on their way. "For a botanical metahuman, this is a travesty. They don't care about the plants — they must be spiraling."

Barry stopped when he spotted something leathery green poking out from behind a display table. Not wasting a moment, he sped to the spot. Shivhan was quick to follow. Barry's heart jolted upon meeting Belén's unconscious body on the ground. "Belén!" he turned the woman over and gently peeled the duct tape off her mouth. "I found her, guys!" he informed the others.

"And yet, you won't be taking her anywhere."

Barry rolled his eyes when he heard Poison Ivy drawling behind. Shivhan did the same and while Barry tended to Belén, she turned around to face the ginger.

"Seriously, we're not in the mood!"

The ginger smirked. "I have never heard that one before."

"How about instead of this pointless standoff you help us find Datura?" Barry stood back up. "Because we know she's missing. Don't even deny it. She let Caitlin go and now Zoom knows."

And just like as if he was seeing Datura, the same fear filled Poison Ivy.

"Ooh, now we're getting somewhere," Shivhan smirked. "If you value your partner's life then I suggest you back the hell up. We're the only people who can help you now."

"How about I kill you three and just hope Zoom forgives us with your corpses as gifts?" Poison Ivy's eyes narrowed down. "I like that idea a lot more."

Shivhan balled her fists as dark tendrils of vines wrapped around her. Before Poison Ivy attacked, Shivhan fired thorn-riddened roses her way. Poison Ivy brought up a shield to protect herself but Shivhan disbanded into vines to re-appear behind the woman and clock her. "That was for Belén. And just because Belén is nice enough to allow your friend to still get a cure doesn't mean it's on the table full-time. Every last metauman from Earth 2 is about to be rounded up."

Barry took the binds from Belén's wrists and ankles. She took in a breath like she always did when she was close to waking up. "No..." she started shaking her head, albeit loopy.

"It's me Bells," Barry whispered, not wanting to scare her. "We're taking you home."

~0~

Because Caitlin already had a good information set on Belén's state, there was no surprise when she told the others her recovery was as easy as pie. "She's coming out of the effects already," Caitlin was happy to finish with. "She'll just be a little, uh... loopy...with the drought's effects."

"But she will be fine, right?" Veronica was right beside Belén's bed. She hadn't left her daughter's side since they'd returned with her.

"Yeah," Caitlin nodded then excused herself to continue working.

"Mmm…" Belén took in another breath and turned her head. Her eyes slowly opened and met her mother's worried gaze. "I'm so...tired…" she announced with a raspy voice.

Veronica chuckled. "It's okay, you're going to be okay."

"Mhm," Belén glanced at her other side and smiled at Barry. "Hi…"

Barry returned the smile. He reached for her hand over her stomach and gave it a grip. "How do you feel now?"

Belén took in another breath. "I feel like a bus hit me. And I'm hungry."

Barry laughed shortly. "I promise when we go home I'll be your personal chef."

This time it was Belén who laughed. "May God help the kitchen."

Even if he thought he had progressed finely in his cooking skills, Barry laughed with her. He was just happy to finally have her back with him.

"Datura...where is she?"

"Doesn't matter where she is!" Veronica muttered.

"Except it does," Barry gave her a straight look. Veronica refused to meet his gaze so Barry tried with Belén instead. "She's probably hiding. Zoom knows that she let Caitlin go."

Belén's eyebrows raised in surprise. "Hm, leave it to Caitlin to bring my heart out."

Barry shared a chuckle with her but Veronica was ready to burst. "This is not funny! Neither of you should feel any sympathy for this woman!"

"Believe me Ms. Green, I've tried my best but you haven't seen her face. It's the same as Belén's and no matter how hard I try, I can't against her. I can't fight her, I can't hurt her...and I'm pretty sure you wouldn't be able to."

"We have to find her, Mom," Belén took in a small breath. "Zoom doesn't get to kill whoever he chooses."

"But Belén-"

"And she let Caitlin go out of her own will? Mom," Belén fixated her best 'cmon' expression. That alone meant something. Caitlin mentioned it to her as soon as Belén was lucid enough to realize Caitlin was in STAR Labs and not imprisoned.

Veronica released a sigh. "Alright. But I don't want her anywhere near you. And I certainly don't want to look at her face," she pushed herself up from her chair. "You might be right about the face thing…"

"Mm, believe me," Barry hummed. He gave Belén's hand a gentle grip and had to tell her he needed to go for a bit. "Wells said he could bring down all Earth 2 metas in one go so…"

"You can't pass up that opportunity," Belén smiled. "Bring them down once and for all."

"We will," he promised her. He leaned over and kissed her then stood up.

"I'll stay here," Veronica said for both their sake's. "You—" she laid eyes on her daughter, "—are no longer allowed to be on your own." Belén rolled her eyes but was not quick enough to make a comeback. "Until everything is finished, you have to be with someone."

Barry wouldn't openly agree since Belén would probably scold the hell out of him for it later, but he agreed with Veronica's stance for the time being. Datura had accepted death and a person with nothing to lose was an even more dangerous enemy.

~0~

"Guys, it's the metahuman alert app," Cisco studied the location the computer was giving him. 'Black Siren' was blinking in and out. "It's the high-rise development on the west side. Hundreds of people live there."

"Can we assume the siphoner will be there too?" asked Joe.

"I don't think so," Barry said as he came into the breech room. "If Datura saw our plan she's most likely going to go into hiding."

"Damn psychics," Iris shook her head.

"Ramon, we're up. Let's go," called Harry. "Set that pulse off right now. Allen, you need to start generating that refracting field right now!"

"But Black Siren can take down this building at any point! Wha... all those people, Wells!"

Harry understood the complication but he felt he was looking at the bigger picture. "How many more people are gonna die while we wait?"

Cisco purposely cleared his throat loudly. "I think I just got the worst idea of all time. I'm gonna go find Caitlin."

~ 0 ~

Black Siren was gazing at her newest targets from an abandoned building. "I don't think I've taken down so many buildings at once." She was about to set her own personal record.

"Maybe you're not as powerful as you think," shot a familiar sounding voice.

Black Siren turned sideways to see two incoming metas. It was Reverb and Killer Frost. "What are you two doing here?"

Cisco did his best to produce his finest doppelganger imitation. "Why should you have all the fun?"

Black Siren narrowed her eyes on them. "I thought you two were dead." She lingered a little more on 'Killer Frost'. "Datura siphoned you up like a sucker."

"She didn't finish the job," Caitlin smirked.

"She really is getting more pathetic," Black Siren got smug. "But you two - you're idiots if you think you can pull one over on Zoom. Well, enjoy being dead."

"I told you," Cisco mumbled to Caitlin.

"Give her a chance," Caitlin nudged him.

Black Siren looked from one to another, getting riled up they were acting as if she wasn't there. "What chance?"

"She's not ready—"

"Excuse me!" the woman shouted at them.

Cisco faked a sigh. "Do you know what I'm capable of doing?"

"Try it, and I'll shatter your entire nervous system without breaking a sweat."

"Wow, you really think you can take on Zoom."

"We can. You don't even know how powerful you are," Cisco played her. "With a single call, you can take down a building. I'd call that impressive. But why... stop... there? Why serve a master when you can be a master, when you can be a god? We... could be gods."

Despite her, Black siren seemed intrigued.

Through the comms. Caitlin heard Shivhan say that Barry was about to begin making his rounds on the city's boundaries. They just had to keep Black Siren out of the loop for a little longer.

"If I were interested in forming an alliance with you two, what's your plan? Exactly?" Black Siren began to circle Cisco and Caitlin.

"We ambush Zoom at CCPD. With our three powers combined, he'll be no match for us," Cisco said with ease. It was the simplest lie he could have come up with.

Black Siren hummed and store away from the two. "Hmm. Well, I like the sound of that."

Caitlin briefly glanced at Cisco. This could possibly end up working. "Great. Then let's go."

Black Siren stopped and spotted a metal tool lying on the ground. "There's just one more thing. Reverb...catch." She had picked up the tool and gently tossed it to Cisco who indeed caught it. "You know, all doppelgangers... they're mirror images of themselves. But you two, you didn't know that, did you?"

Caitlin gulped and began backing away with Cisco. "Reverb is left-handed."

Cisco lost his breath then. "Well, I just... I just happened to... catch it with my right... run!"

He and Caitlin turned and ran for it only to come to a quick dead end.

"Oh, no. What are we gonna do!?" Caitlin whirled around for another escape but only saw Black Siren striding to them.

"Get out of there!" Shivhan yelled at them through the comms.

"I don't think that there's anything you can do." Black Siren opened her mouth to give them her sonic cry when Cisco blasted her with some force of energy that threw her backwards to the ground.

Caitlin's eyes nearly popped out from her head. "What the what!?"

Cisco, who had fallen back from the force, was trying to get back on his feet. "I don't know."

"Well, do it again!" Caitlin urged him and even pulled him up when he was too slow.

Black Siren pushed herself and began going for them again. "There's nothing on this Earth that can stop us!"

But the others had come through. A high pitched screech filled the air and forced Black Siren on her knees as well as every other Earth 2 metahuman. Caitlin and Cisco were relieved to see her go under the effects.

~ 0 ~

Belén had re-gathered her strength from the sleeping droughts. While the others finished putting the Earth 2 metahumans away, Caitlin came to check up on Belén and tell her how things went.

"So...Black Siren is actually Laurel's doppelganger?" Belén repeated with a tired sigh afterwards. She gave a shake of her head. "I really hate the word 'doppelganger' now. It feels like we're in the Vampire Diaries. I feel Damon Salvatore's pain now."

"She's in the pipeline now, but...we decided not tell Sara nor Captain Lance," Caitlin said quietly.

Belén agreed with the notion and began pushing herself up from the bed when she noticed Caitlin's blank face. "You okay Cait?"

The brunette blinked out of the trance she was in and adopted a tiny smile. "Yes, I think I'm just tired."

"My Mom told me you've been working nonstop on the cure…"

Caitlin's gaze lowered and her voice had gone quieter. "I-I'm just doing what you and Barry had already decided to do."

"I know, Caitlin, don't worry," Belén was sure Caitlin must have had some retributions for her decision to work on the cure. She wasn't going to be one of them. "But what I will say is that you need to get some rest. Mom said Datura wasn't among the metahumans Barry put away. She's out there and I doubt she'll be coming for us right now."

"But Poison Ivy is here which means sooner or later she'll come back again and I want to be ready to argue with her." Caitlin passed a hand through her messy hair and sighed. "I know it seems ridiculous—"

"I wasn't going to say—"

"Zoom terrified me but Datura - while her intentions weren't good either - took me away from it," Caitlin came around to face her friend whom she felt needed an explanation. "She risked her life by letting me go."

"And now you wanna return the favor," Belén understood.

"It's more than that too. You saw that she wasn't into this whole thing anymore, chances are she never was. Working for a monster is a terrifying job. I mean...now I see him everywhere…" Caitlin trailed off, swallowing hard. "It's hard. If we can cure her then maybe she has a chance to move forwards."

"I'll help you, Cait, I promise," Belén reached for Caitlin's hand.

~0~

The next day, the precinct had its hands full finishing up the paperwork on every metahuman they had captured last night. Veronica was the first to spot Barry coming in and nudged Joe.

"You've got about 100 cases to go through," Veronica warned the meta.

Barry was not looking forwards to that and it showed. "Yeah…"

"My daughter?"

"Doing just fine," Barry promised. Veronica's condition to let Belén return home was that she needed to be updated every so often. "I think Iris was picking her up to go to work."

"God knows she can use it," Veronica moved to her desk. "Do you think CC Pictures will end that stupid suspension?"

"It did sound promising," Barry said. Now that CC Pictures had firsthand experience with the metahuman apocalypse and those who had helped put them away, they were more inclined on bringing Belén back.

"Joe—" Barry called before Joe moved to return to work as we, "—listen, uh, I've been thinking about Wally some more—"

"Are you gonna talk to him again?" Joe jumped in with a resolution.

Barry shook his head. "No, I'm not."

"Why not?"

"Because he's your son, Joe…"

"I know he's my son—"

"I... look... what I mean is he's got your values," Barry went slow so that Joe would understand him. "He's got your inner drive to help people do what's right. We're supposed to think we're something we're not until we become that thing. That's the path that Wally's on. I'm not gonna stop him from being the hero that he's gonna become. I really don't think you should either."

Joe didn't appear to be mad. He seemed...irritated. "I can't wait till you have kids and they torture you. I'ma laugh in your face."

Barry tried not to laugh there and then. "Alright, gramps."

"Poppa," Joe pointed.

"What?"

"My grandkids are gonna call me 'poppa'."

This time it was Veronica who laughed, earning herself some weird looks. "I'm sorry, but that's not gonna happen." She closed a folder in front of her and leaned her arms on the desk. "I always said my grandchildren would call me 'Nonna' - that's Italian and I'm gonna remind you I was married to an Italian man - and yet what does Axel call me?" Joe couldn't help laugh as he went to take a seat at his desk. "Keep laughing, grandpa." Veronica rolled her eyes and got back to work. "They'll be yours too, just remember that."

Barry slowly got away before the two actually went at it for real. He wanted no part of that.

~ 0 ~

Later that evening, Iris had surprised everyone by hosting a dinner at her house. It was a well deserved event.

"What in the world?" Barry was the last to find out about the dinner. He and his father took in the crowded living room with awe.

"Blame Iris," Joe was quick to say.

Iris made an offended noise from the dining table. "Okay. I just figured that since Henry is officially back for good, we should celebrate. And since Zoom is gone and the city is quiet right now."

"And we got our friends back," Nina smiled at Belén and Caitlin. "It's definitely worth celebrating."

When Henry went to talk with Dr. McGee and Veronica, Barry chose to join Belén and Iris at the table.

"How did work go?" he asked. He had yet to see Belén in that day after all. "Did they...?"

Belén smiled like she hadn't in a long time. "The suspension's been lifted. I'm back full time again."

Barry's face lit up with joy. "Bells, that's great!" He pulled her into a hug, though not a tight one since her body was still healing.

"Mhm," Belén pulled back to reveal a pout that hadn't been there a moment ago. "Except I'm pretty sure some co-workers have started a tally chart of my kidnappings."

Shivhan stopped by to make one comment, "I offered to kick their asses but she said 'noooo'."

"It'd look suspicious!" Belén huffed. Shivhan rolled her eyes and walked on.

Iris put a finger to her cheek when Barry turned a sharp look on her. "I tried to stop them! I gave them a hell of a moral lecture but…"

"Long story short, they're all idiots," Belén shook her head. "All except for Linda of course but she's still not back from Coast City, so…"

"We soldier on without our third musketeer," Iris made a fist in the air.

"I'm fine," Belén laughed in the end and leaned on Barry. He wrapped an arm around her waist and kissed her head.

Wally came by with empty plates for the table. Jesse saw him and inched closer, nervous. "So is it true? You saved The Flash's life?"

The other three stayed quiet but couldn't help eavesdrop.

"Oh, I mean, I was just in the right place at the right time," Wally cleared his throat, his gaze shifting everywhere but Jesse.

"Proud of you, Wally. You did good," Joe said, truly meaning it.

"It means a lot to wally: Thanks, dad," Wally smiled.

"I'm proud of you too," Jesse managed to squeak out.

Caitlin came out with a pot roast in gloved hands. Nina was beside her trying to advocate her usefulness.

"I was stabbed in the stomach not the head," Nina muttered and set down some empty glasses.

"No," Caitlin laughed at her.

Before everyone could eat, Joe decided to make a special toast. "To family."

Cisco beamed. "That's my kind of toast, short and sweet. Let's eat!" but before he could even put his glass down, he vibed.

The first thing he saw were the dead birds on the ground. He moved his gaze up ahead to find Earth 2's Central City in destruction.

"Cisco?" called Barry, snapping him out of the vibe. "What is it? What'd you see?"

Wally was making odd faces. "What do you mean 'see'?"

Finding no point in hiding anything more, Caitlin answered him with the truth. "Cisco gets visions."

Cisco was trying to make sense of the images he saw. "I don't understand."

"What don't you understand, Cisco?" Belén raised an eyebrow.

"Earth-2 splitting in half. Straight down to the poles," Cisco explained, but even saying it didn't make sense. "Tell me I didn't just vibe the future. Please tell me I did not just see the end of the world!"

A gust of wind hit everyone in the face when Zoom came in. He went directly for Henry. "Our story continues, Flash."

Barry's heart nearly stopped, and it almost did when Zoom took his father away. He followed in suit, ready to go another round. Zoom led him to his old childhood home...right to the same spot where his mother died.

"It's poetic, returning to your childhood home," Hunter held Henry tight.

"Jay. Don't do this. I'm begging you. I'm begging you!" Barry couldn't get closer for fear of his quick moves. "Take me. Kill me!"

Henry nearly lost it at the proposal. "No!"

Hunter almost laughed at the two. "You still won't believe me that you and I are the same. Come on—"

Henry's intuition told him this was truly the end. "Barry, look at me, son—"

"—so I'm gonna have to make you believe me," Hunter said like it was the most logical thing ever.

"Whatever happens you have made me the happiest father—"

Barry didn't know who to listen to. Everything sounded meshed together and his own ears were ringing with the sound of his fast heartbeats.

"This time, you're gonna watch your parent die just like I did," Hunter smirked. "And this is what's gonna make you just like me!"

Henry was able to take a last breath to say his final words, almost. "Your mother and I love—" Zoom shoved his hand through Henry's chest.

Barry screamed and charged forwards, but Zoom was quicker. Again.

#ocappreciation #fd: the flash #the flash #barry allen #barry allen fics #barry allen imagines #the flash fics #the flash imagines #barry allen x oc #the flash x oc #arrowverse ocs #oc: Belén Palayta #oc: Belen Palayta #oc: Datura #fic: rise up

[toririvas]

the most brutal au/fic/whatever idea ive ever come up with

if you like whump and making poor ivan go through a lot of emotional distress come with me into the readmore

my dear papa and i were coming up with details for this after i posited the idea of "wandavision, but ivan doesn't actually know what's going on"

and i present to you, ivan gerhardt. his wife helen gerhardt. they have a blended family (ivan has two children from his previous marriage, helen has one from a past relationship. they are sixteen, twelve, and seven.) they live in a comfortable home, they live in the suburbs of ridge city. ivan is a middle manager at vendallia industries, helen is a journalist covering metahumans, and volunteers at the community theater as much as she can.

one day, as ivan is walking in a dark part of ridge city, pushed off of his normal routine by a series of coincidences, he is approached by a few crooks looking to rob him, a placid businessman just on his way home.

he comes to moments later, blood up to his elbows, the bodies of the muggers pulverized into ground meat. he just slaughtered them all in moments. he tastes blood and it does not bother him. it tastes as sweet as summer wine to him. he does not know why it does not make him want to vomit. the fact horrifies him. what has he done?

rushing home, somehow undetected, he cleans himself up and cooks dinner for his family. he is shaken not by what he did, but by the fact that he was unshaken.

-

essentially, he's just been placed into this alternate universe where everything goes right for him, but the cracks start to show slowly. helen remarks on a childhood memory of her and her brother. ivan does not remember his childhood. ivan remembers the basic stepping stones - holding rick (it's blurry) holding beth (less so) holding penelope (also less so). meeting his ex wife at a bar, doing... something? meeting helen. meeting wade, his job. he knows how to be a person, but why did he knock on the wall to call for breakfast? it's a bookcase right there, nothing more. his niece lives a few minutes away with her roommates, and she rides to work with him every morning. she's a mechanic on the side. stuff like that. everything is mundane and it makes him uneasy and ivan has no idea why, all of the sudden, he doesn't trust that golden haired young man his wife has taken under her wing at her job. why he looks at the reclusive neighbor next door with such hatred when balaam has never done anything except play gothic music and dress like it's october. why when he does anything at all with his wife it makes him the happiest and the saddest he's ever been. she says some saying about a memory they share and while he says the second half he doesn't know the context. it just feels right.

eventually it all comes to a head when things fall apart and he realizes what's happened to him, his memories come back. it's a meta that threw everyone in the world into a dreamstate where they're all living their fantasies, so they would be unopposed in taking over the world. he fights his way out, and life returns to normal. none of it was real. he never got to marry helen, he was never allowed to be human and mundane. he remembers his childhood and he wishes he hadn't. he is ivan again, but now he was fornax. the order of the final dawn still existed, and his monstrous soul still lives in him.

(bonus ray of hope to counteract the sadness: he meets with helen for coffee one day, at her house. he mentions that silly saying from his dream. she says the second half. they go quiet.

they'd dreamed together.)

anyway i just dont write longfic much but i think the idea would be so solid.

#ivan gerhardt #made it myself #villains code #helen lodestar #writing prompt #au

[amrv-5]

It's a 💌 from me! And then a wildcard pick of your choice from the list <3

hello helen!!!! & thank you!! answers (and excerpt!) below the cut....

wildcard: 💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

Best feedback is either someone else's analysis OR somebody asking for my own analysis of a scene/moment/chapter whatever. If it would not be insane and annoying I'd release meta-essays with every chapter of everything I wrote lmao i LOVE talking craft and interpretations.

💌share something with us about an up-and-coming work (WIP) that has you excited!

I'm particularly excited for the way that I think my Hawk Goes Home (working title for the longfic) piece has been able to sit with the experience of unfixable loneliness (no spoilers but I swear to fuck it will have a good ending I realize that this does not sound positive as it stands). It was cathartic to write, and I sure hope it's cathartic to read. Relevant excerpt:

///

BJ had a few drinks downstairs, reluctant to go upstairs to the bedroom. He was hoping Peg would be asleep by the time he decided to turn in. 

In the meantime, he listened to the radio, feeling odd and hollow and off balance. The old songs from the 30s and 40s made him melancholy, rife with longing for the nostalgic warmth of a life he’d never had. He frowned through a run of three songs he remembered Hawkeye singing in surgery. 

He poured himself a few fingers of scotch, and leaned back in an armchair, his eyes closed. 

The rain was bucketing, the air damp and cold. BJ couldn’t feel his toes. The body under his hands steamed, the red-purple shine of an exposed intestinal tract hot in his grip as he checked for perforations. It was his fifteenth or fiftieth hour. His third-ever marathon surgery in Korea. He was new, and green, and green. He was starved, but couldn’t bring himself to eat; watching Hawkeye passively chew a bite of a baloney sandwich by leaning back from an open abdomen, where a soldier’s punctured stomach leaked half-digested C-rations into the surrounding cavity, horrified him. He felt like he might cry, but knew he couldn’t. It might blur his vision at a critical moment in the surgery. 

All at once he felt himself start to collapse. Not physically, but psychically, spiritually. Something internal and critical started to crumble, and his hands no longer felt like his own. His breath came in staggered, uneven gasps, his vision tunnelling. He couldn’t go on like this. It simply wasn’t possible. He wasn’t strong enough. This was the end of his road. He was going to snap, and his brain would gently, paternalistically separate him from reality for his own good, and he’d never get back. End of. 

Hawkeye cleared his throat, and said something BJ didn’t hear. 

Somebody touched his elbow, maybe. He didn’t notice. He was doing an incredible job with the surgery, he noted from a thousand miles away. His hands were amazing. They didn’t even need him. 

“Someday I’ll meet you again,” somebody was saying. 

No. Singing. 

BJ glanced up, struggling to control the vector of his gaze. 

“Tell me where, tell me when,” Hawkeye sang. He was no Frank Sinatra, but his voice was strong, and clear, and warm. It was the sort of voice you liked better than a radio voice, because you knew it really meant what it was singing. A voice with feeling, that was it. 

“Each night I’ll wish on a star,” Hawkeye sang, catching his eye. He might’ve been smiling under his mask. It was impossible to tell. “That you stay as you are!”

“You have my heart, but my heart wonders when,” BJ joined in, trying to reach the high note that Hawkeye seemed to manage so effortlessly as the feeling returned to his hands, “we’ll meet again.”

Dear one, this is our fate! Partings and sad goodbyes, sang the Hawkeye in his head. BJ was beginning to suspect that he’d always live there, that there would always be one Hawkeye Pierce, frozen at age thirty, looking out from behind his eyes. Never changing, always charming and a little sad, until BJ was old and bent and eighty-nine. And the Hawkeye in his head would stay young forever. It seemed, somehow, exactly what he deserved. 

Dear one, I’ll always wait—wait for that blue horizon! Hawkeye sang, two years distant. 

Turner Layton played the piano beautifully, BJ thought. His chest was starting to hurt, so he socked the rest of his drink and turned the radio off. He stumbled getting up the stairs, his limbs loose and his head full of the past. 

#ask game #thank you!!!!! #the litfic cometh

[skyeventide]

goethe starts writing Faust around 1773 at the same time at his Werther, starting from the "bleak day" scene which is the dramatic core around which the rest of the tragedy develops, and which sets the themes of the abandoned girl who drowns her baby and is now imprisoned. it's written entirely in prose. he continues this work when he relocates to Weimar, composing the first version of the tragedy afterwards known as Urfaust, never published during his lifetime. the Urfaust is only rediscovered in the late 19th century, through a copy preserved by a lady-in-waiting.

the Urfaust is missing some of the main nodes of the story: there is no pact between the devil and Faust, there is no Walpurgisnacht, no scene of the rejuvenation of Faust, nor Wald und Höhle, one of the most lyrical scenes of the first part of the poem, and there is no scene where Faust kills the abandoned girl's brother. it's only after 1788, during Goethe's trip to Italy, that he adds some of these crucial passages (the rejuvenation, the lyrics, and a considerable rework of a farcical scene in a tavern). he publishes this version as Ein Fragment, in 1790, where however he removes some of the final sections that were on the other hand present in the unpublished Urfaust. the bleak day scene and the final jail scene are removed, eschewing the true heart of the tragedy.

only after 1794, after becoming friends with Schiller who keeps nagging him, does he continue working on the story. so from 1797 he adds the dedication, the prologue in a theatre, a meta scene on the dramatic arts, and the prologue in heaven, where the devil and God strike up a bet of their own about Faust's final fate. he continues with adding more scenes around the main plot and only leaves out a satire of academia. finally there's Walpurgisnacht, the murder of the brother, and most importantly, the deal/bet with the devil. in 1805 Schiller dies, Goethe convinces himself to publish a new edition of his works, and in 1808 comes out the first part of the tragedy. all scenes have been rewritten in poetry and the black day scene is the only one surviving in its original prose form. in this time, Goethe also sketches down the 3rd and 5th acts of the second part.

it isn't until 1816, eleven years later, when Goethe is working on a biography and has to write down how Faust came to be, that he goes back to the notes on the poem and tries to put down a scheme of how the second part was meant to happen. there's existing notes that maintain the dramatic structure of the first part, and the conflict between Faust and Mephistopheles and their bet as its core, but these notes are scrapped. in 1825 Goethe returns to his life's work and reworks it allegorically. he changes up some things about the invocation of Helen of Troy, who no longer appears in modern Germany; rather, it's Faust who seeks her in Greece. in 1826 the 3rd act is finished and the Helen fragment is published separately.

at this point Goethe considers finishing the poem his only remaining goal and works on it until the very last day of his life. he finishes the 5th act and writes the 4th last, then seals up the manuscript, and reopens it a few days before death to change up a few sentences. the second part of the tragedy is published posthumously in 1832, the same year as his death.

I made this write up to see if I could remember the whole deal for an exam tomorrow, thanks for your attention.

#Goethe #Faust

[52booksproject]

Book 23: The Kiss Quotient

My random letters came up eventually as HO and so I chose The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang. It's a romance novel with the premise that Stella, a woman on the Autism spectrum hires a male prostitute, Michael, to get better at sex, and eventually hires him as a practice boyfriend. Needless to say they fall in love and along the way have crazy good sex.

I really liked the first part of this book. The sex scenes are hot and it's got a decent premise for the will they won't they. I can't say how authentic the portrayal of the main character is (she has the A syndrome that is no longer diagnosed), dunno what experience the author has, but it seemed ok to me.

Unfortunately the book completely just crumbles near the end. The main character is forcibly kissed by a coworker and while she's washing her mouth out later and crying, Michael threatens to beat the shit out of him. Stella begs him not to, seeing as how the guy is a co-worker and a family friend, not to mention that would land Michael in jail no matter how much the co-worker deserved it. So he immediately starts accusing her of liking the kiss and getting crazy jealous. Ok, EWWWWWW, she just got assaulted- she's fucking washing her mouth out- and he's got a rage boner and he pressures her to kiss and then have sex with him to get out his feelings of jealousy. No! Bad boyfriend! *sprays spraybottle at him* If anyone ever tries to pull this crap, and they're not a Meta Magic Bard Bad Boy Parasaurolophus, run!

The book limps to the end after that, but of course it's completely ruined. But if it hadn't had that really disgusting part it would have been pretty good.

BEST LINE: "Am I sitting on your cum cushions?"

SHOULD YOU READ THIS BOOK? I'd say no. The grossout behavior is really too much. I wouldn't dis-recommend the author though, assuming this bad boyfriend was a one off. She writes well and the book was otherwise interesting.

ART PROJECT:

The "hero" Michael is supposed to look like K-Drama star Daniel Henney, who you may know as Lan from Wheel of Time. So I drew him and what I presume his reaction to getting compared to this dickweed character would be.

#52booksproject #52books #Kiss Quotient #Helen Hoang #daniel henney #autism in fiction